#and then i have this idea of ken being an eldritch horror and the new kid being part of an outer gods heart

[runtwithwolves]

remember that time Stan agreed to be a vessel

[whatisthisnonsense]

Okay you know what I am gonna talk shit in a proper well-thought-out manner because I’m salty and stressed and I may as well channel it into something fun like yelling about anime in an over the top display of angery as befitting this cesspool of a social media platform. This being said I’m gonna do it under a read-more ‘cause most of ya’ll ain’t got time for no negative nonsense and some of you genuinely enjoy Tri, and you know what, I respect you, you’re valid.

Okay so to explain how much I want to throw Bandai into a dumpster, we first need to go back and explain Adventure and the fiasco that was 02.

Digimon Adventure came out in 1999 (March 6th in japan and August 14th in the states, which coincidentally means this show came out exactly on my sixth birthday!) and lasted for about a year, with 54 episodes. The plot was simple; seven punkass grade schoolers turned out to have been chosen by fate to defend the Digital World, an alternate plane of reality created by various forms of digital information (the wee baby internet of the era, for example), mostly to kind of justify Bandai’s V-Pet (Tamogatchis but they’re gross and can FIGHT) and sell toys. So like, Transformers but with more human characters and kickass monsters and sometimes a lesson about the Power Of Friendship. Later, they find out they were chosen because they saw their neighborhood get wrecked by two monsters and Inexplicably Forgot This, as well as the fact there’s actually a missing member of their group (which less than surprisingly turned out to be the leader character’s little sister, who had already been seen in a prior episode and had also been involved in that early monster attack). It was hokey, the english dub generally bordered on that of a proto-abridged series if not aggressively sanitizing things (turning sake into green chili sauce, for example) and it was just good dumb fun and in the end everyone was crying anyway because dammit, while it was dumb fun you still cared about these characters and loved how they grew up. And then came 02.

Hoo boy. Digimon 02 came out in 2000 (April 2nd in japan and August 19th in the states) and lasted for another year or so. While sometimes listed as a second season, in truth it was a sequel series and it had...some interesting ideas, lets say. And I mean that sincerely! They did have some good ideas! But it was pretty clear from the lack of direction and the constant roller coaster of serious and stupid that it was being a sequel for the sake of being a sequel. For example, a whole new super secret crest turned up out of nowhere, which brings up a lot of questions in the lore but is mostly used to prove Ken isn’t irredeemable because he’s a Chosen Child ,as well as the questions about how this Crest is still present and useable and then literally gets no use. No Ultimate Form Wormmon for you, folks, NORMAL digivolution is out! I think I and @yunisverse have made our opinion on how to use that crest better clear while we’re being salty over Wizardmon, ha People have said that it’s big draw was that it had a heavier focus on character development and...yes and no? On the one hand, Ken and Cody’s arcs were genuinely enjoyable, Kindness shenanigans aside, as was occasionally exploring TK and Kari’s trauma, something often brushed over in the original series. On the other hand, more or less the whole of Adventure centered AROUND character growth where in 02 it’s...sporadic. Sometimes even random. However the main two reasons everyone was mad at 02 were these;

The original digidestined that were not Kari or TK got shunted onto the backburner, usually using excuses as they had given up their crest powers sometime between Our War Game and the present (despite that A) this is otherwise disregarding the fact they were supposedly not able to enter the digital world again until 02 and B) the power is literally inside them as part of their core, not something the digiworld actually gave to them, and while it could be diminished it could never actually be removed) or that it was the New Kids turn, often with wildly out of character personality developments. (Looking at you, Sora’s new docileness and Mimi’s lack of involvement in most of the plot period.)

The epilogue, which not only gave everyone really weird future jobs (why is Matt an astronaut?!) but also seemed pretty much out to be as aggressively Happily Ever After without actually stopping to think about any implications or actual lead-ups.

02 usually gets a pass from riding on the Adventure coattails, but everyone still tended to be at least disappointed in what had occurred. Also, more serious takes on Digimon, such as Tamers and some of the games, had been growing in popularity.

Thus Bandai, in it’s infinite wisdom, decided to cash back in on Nostalgia by focusing on the Adventure kids, making them closer to 02 so they’re older and they can therefore do more serious mature takes like Tamers, while also trying to rectify how they would even begin to come around to their epilogue jobs. They do this by killing the 02 cast in the first two minutes.

Welcome to Tri folks! Okay, so the 02 cast isn’t actually dead, but we don’t know where they are for six movies. Six movies!! The most we know for a few years is Ken, for some reason, has reverted to evil! And he has Imperialdramon, which implies Davis is brainwashed too!

He is basically doing this most of the series (which was initially going to be a mini-series before becoming a series of movies which then proceed to often be cut up into episodes, which that alone should tell you the problems BEHIND the scenes much less on screen) and we find out what he is (not actually Ken but an evil Gennai clone which is also out of nowhere) and what he’s doing (apparently bringing Yggdrasil, long time lore big bad of various digimon continuities and also god, into the Adventure storyline) not by efforts of the kids. Oh no. They’re too busy playing with their new friend Mei!

God I wish I was joking. The original squad literally shows no concern for where the 02 gang is until halfway through, and it’s a handwave at best and quickly moved on from. Hell, they barely react to “Ken” and CHEER on defeating Imperialdramon! More gravitas was given to having to kill the plot coupon of the day, Meicoonmon, than someone they actually know and should be upset about. Also making Tai NOT want to rush into a fight (what?), Turns Out Homeostatis Is Also Evil Or At Least Amoral (why), a reveal one of the backstory five original digidestined went mad with grief (no), and also I guess for some reason the kids and digimon were separated again given their reactions despite 02′s ending? That’s. That’s not even keeping your own continuity. Why are you like this. Also connecting to the epilogue just seem to be on a whim (not metaphor, Matt decides to be an astronaut on a whim), the general lack of gravitas in most moments followed by moments of SEVERE gravitas (which is the 02 problem but Worse), and bad jokes. I don’t mean Good Bad Jokes like Adventure, just really not funny jokes. And the real bitch of the matter? It had a few things that should’ve made it AWESOME! Like listen, I miss these idiot kids a lot, and the concept of a virus forcing a reboot on the digiworld and thus having to explore, finally, the digimon as characters and what they would be like without the kids? That’s cool! The idea of undoing all the Perma Digideaths (like WIZARDMON goddammit, and in this own show friggin’ Leomon again) with said reboot and thus having a pretty legitimate reason to allow it? Also cool! Worldbuilding about the previous five digidestined? Neat! And lets be real, you all cried at the cast version of Butter-Fly. You know you did. But the thing is they didn’t DO anything with most of this, or did it in a sloppy way. Example; the virus was basically a means to an end for waking up Yggdrasil (I’m not calling him King Drasil, that’s stupid), right? Why? When the Adventure-verse, often to it’s own detriment, is actively tied to the Milleniumon mythos, you could just pull in that eldritch horror and finally have Ryo make sense everywhere not japan. Or heck, the Dark Ocean! Remember the Dark Ocean? Where literally cthulu is and also Daemon now? Apparently neither do the script writers since that would’ve been a golden opportunity.  Of course, this would be asking for continuity, which Tri has issues with within its own narrative. Remember when I said the reboot should’ve undone all permadeaths? Yeah, Wizardmon still shows up as a ghost later to lead Kari out of trouble. No lines or anything, just pops up facing away from the audience and leads her out, and then vanishes, despite the fact that according to the rules they made up for the reboot, he should be a cute little Mokumon in Primary Village at the moment who remembers nothing. Also it kind of low-key has the vibe that growing up is terrible and results in having to make awful decisions? Which I’m not sure is what they meant to do, but it does pretty much have that end result. And that sucks! Even Tamers didn’t do that! Growing up is HARD, sure, but there are GOOD things about it too, and being Adventure one would think that would be the main focus! Nope. I just. This should have been good and when it was announced I was super excited and now I’m pretty much exasperated by its mere existence. And now we’re getting a sequel after ANOTHER timeskip.

Bandai if this is how you give us a nostalgia feels trip, do us a favor and let Adventure die. You’re just making the sugary memories of childhood have a bitter aftertaste. Or, if you must, just do a proper reboot. Tie up things that actually WERE wrong with the original series and do some clean ups but otherwise leave it untouched. We all know you’re trying to capture the magic twice, guys, you’re not even trying to hide it now. TL;DR, The only parts I like about Tri are Butter-Fly (cast version) and the fact Tai and Matt are gayer than ever

[coincidencetheories]

The Gatewatch Have Failed Each Task So Far

There’s been a lot of talk on my feed about how the Gatewatch are just waltzing through the challenges they face like a home-made banner at a pep rally. While they are all currently whole in body, and the perceived threat from each plane is no longer actively threatening, follow me down this line of thought.

The Gatewatch have failed at what they have set out to do, every time.

Their name is synonymous with failure.

Battle For Zendikar

Nissa and Gideon toil on Zendikar. Ulamog is loose and really bringing everyone’s grand Hedrons and Felidars game night down. Scion and Spawn scuttle around, and the very color is draining out of the mana. Gideon hits his main man Jace up for a solid to gather some help, which Jace initailly fails to do, asking LIliana and Chandra, who for diverse reasons have bigger personal demons they are wrestling with. So Jace, heads back to Gideon, and decides what he needs most is information. Nissa is looking for Ashaya, as Nissa did for several stories in a row. Turns out Nissa just had to believe. But Jace stumbles upon Ugin, doing vague and portentous spirit dragon things, as spirit dragons do, at his Eye. He tells Jace “These are beings beyond our understanding, here for a purpose we cannot fathom’ and then proceeds to give a very understandable metaphor about fishermen in streams. But he tells Jace that they can’t just blow up Ulamog. It will have untold ramifications now and in whatever distopian future we can bring ourselves to imagine.  (Side note... what were the ramifications of metaphorically driving a stake through the hand of the fisherman for 10,000 years? Riddle me that, Ugin dear.)

So Jace knows the stakes Ulamog is a fragile and precious part of an ecosystem beyond our ken. So he agrees that perhaps just pinning him to a butterfly display is the best course of action. Jace, Nissa, Kiora, Gideon and Ob Nixilis respectively fail, fail, lose their pet leviathan, drown in a puddle, and successfully disrupt this plan using the tried and true ‘Surprise Kozilek with a chair from the top rope’ method. Ob reignited, Walked on, walked back and captured three planeswalkers. And he would have gotten away with it to, if it wasn’t for that meddling pyromancer.

Oath of the Gatewatch

What Gate do the Gatewatch watch, exactly?

Sea-gate. The Gatewatch are watching the Sea Gate fall, to Ulamog, then to Ulamog again, then to Kozilek and Ulamog.

Now a lot of nifty stuff happens in OGW, not least of which is the insight we get through General Tazri of what a world where Kozilek out-watches the gate looks like. And in the end, Zendikar is saved from the predation of the two titans. But Jace and co had to physically drag multi-demensional beings into three dimentional space, then channelXfireball in a way that hadn’t been done since the days of the oldwalkers. Impressive, no?

Imagine you go to the doctor and you find out you have a blood disease that delicate surgery could halt the ravages of. Now imagine that, while you were under anesthesia, , your doctor slipped up and the cancer was about to kill you before the Dr. House stormed in and told the surgery team to flush your entire body with pure oxygen, then light it on fire, flash burning away all the bad stuff. Your life is, indeed saved. Phew. I was worried there for a minute.

But would you call that a successful surgery?

Shadows over Innsmouth Innistrad

We have ourselves a good old fashioned mystery here. With Ugin’s warning ringing in our ear to remember they came as three, all apparently we had to figure out was who that mysterious ‘They’ were, that Ugin referred to in the middle of a conversation about the Eldrazi Titans. The stage is set. Liliana has a veil, Tamiyo has a Journal, Thraben has an inspector, and Jace has too many cloaks. Also, too many clues. Avacyn is going crazy. Bruna and Gisela start doing their Shining Twins cosplay, despite Sigarda telling them repeatedly that it creeps her out, and The Gitrog Monster is a fan of 1990s Elton John . 

But who is this mysterious corrupting force, and seriously, what’s with all the spaghetti. Sorin’s mansion of foreboding has been renovated, but he’s nowhere to be found! Jace follows the hundred of arrow shaped rocks and finds Nephalia! Zombies! Mystery is solved, it must be Liliana! Liiiana says no. oh. The angels are turning on the humans, Avacyn must be stopped! Jace has GOT this one, guys.... nope. Jace is rescued by Tamiyo, and Sorin permanently grounds his daughter who in no way resembles his former protege. Well, Another successful investigation.Except it’s not. Jace, you don’t know what it is at all right now, in fact you don’t find out until...

Eldritch Moon

...until Emrakul emerges from the water, like a tribute to all those bond girls before you. “I know who it is now!” says Jace, thinking he’s Hercule Poirot, but is in fact barely keeping up with Captain Hastings. So here we are, Eldritch horror setting up residence in the middle of Thraben, and creating life like there’s no tomorrow, which might just well be the case. If only there was an inter-dimensional team of powerful mages, who had some dealings with.... oh my it’s the Gatewatch. We need the Gatewatch, don’t we. Well, they got together just in time, didn’t they. Innistrad, is today your lucky day. Jace 'walks to Zendikar, where presumably the Naya walkers are ‘overseeing’ the Zendikar rebuilding efforts from the comfort of a king-sized bed built for three. Come fastest, Jace cries, What’s with your outfit, they reply, Then off they go. (meanwhile Sorin and Nahiri two oldwalkers that are battling with current generation powers, must feel like two former boxing champions having a punch-on in their retirement home. But that’s not really germane to the success or failure of the Gatewatch.) Smash cut to the Battle of Thraben. Olivia and the vampires are here. Sigarda, Thalia, St Traft, form an unlikely alliance, killing Brisela. Also Arlinn Cord and the wolves. Surely they are around here somewhere during this battle? Maybe they just were on the other side of town. That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it. Liliana is drunk on Chain Veil power and summons zombies by the hordeful and marches on the town. The Gatewatch are in the thick of it, somehow managing not to get sural’d to pieces every time Gideon has a backswing. Emrakul’s massive form crowns the town. The vampires, humans, geists, even Rem Karolus’s are driven back. Only Jace and the Gatewatch can help us now. They try their most successful Eldrazi Titan-defeating play in the playbook, aaand... it fails. It fails so badly that Tamiyo is about to read her plane-destroying story spell. But Emrakul and Jace had a mutual Zach-Morris ‘Time-out’ and Jace saved the sanity of the gatewatchers and Tamiyo (by delving into their deepest, darkest story hooks, apparently) and Emmy simply re-wrote Tamiyo’s story, taking a vacation into the moon for the now.

Was that a win? What aims were achieved? Again the ‘plane was saved’, but despite all the effort that Jace and co. put in, the final call was Emrakuls. And i doubt she locked herself in without taking the key with her.

So, Zendikar is safe. But the ecosystem of the Multiverse may be irreparably altered; innistrad has gone from passively being influenced by Emrakul to ACTIVELY being influenced by Emrakul to being passively influenced by Emrakul again. Great job guys and gals. Which leaves us with...

Kaladesh

You know, I wonder exactly how many mage traps Captain Baral has around the city, Whether they are one-countermagic-fits-all, or if he has to lead the fire mages to different ornately engineered snares than the telepaths. Also, Can you planeswalk to the plane that you’re on? If you can, neither Nissa or Chandra know of it. And I have to say, I guess that in the Kaladesh block, ultimately the Gatewatch succeeded. Succeeded in picking the queen in Three Card Monte while street hustler Tezzeret picked their metaphorical pocket. Yes, they saved Pia. But Tezzeret simply used the conflict between the Consulate of benign-if-overly-paternalistic-bureaucrats and the revolution-if-that’s-alright-with-the-rest-of-you guys renegades to snatch up the inventions and Stockholm Syndrome the inventors.

Aether Revolt

So while Chandra is focused on the personal issues, and their ramifications vis-a-vis the cancer within the consulate, Jace and Liliana, with backing vocals from Gideon and Ajani, identify Tezzeret’s plans with, well with anything Tezzeret plans is going to be bad news. Especially when they find out about the planar portal. So they defeat him! I mean, do they? He puts something suspiciously like the functioning part of the portal into his own arm and then planeswalks away as the roof caves in. The Bridge on Kaladesh is no longer functional. But we find out that Tezzeret is doing something (planar portal or othewise) for Bolas. And the Scooby Gang have no idea what that, in fact is, or if he completed it, or anything.

Going Forward

So each time, the Gatewatch have gotten something accomplished that subjectively gets them a tick in the win column, but with more scrutiny are questionable at best. Going to Amonkhet with no plan, no intel, and no backup just because ‘well, bolas would use that time better’ seems like a great way to stumble into, once again, a technical victory that has lasting consequences that are at best uncertain, and at worst offer comfort to the enemy.But I suppose, given their track record, going in with no plan merely skips the Gatewatch past the part where they come up with a plan and then completely fail to execute on it.