#and then i go do more colour bullshit
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where did your colour go?
#qsmp#qsmp fanart#badboyhalo#bbh is so SAD#cant wait for his depression#god i love colours#every time im like 'yeah no ill definitely work on my lineart next'#'yeah i need to get a handle on values'#and then i go do more colour bullshit#and im living my best life tbh#not much to say about this one either except for Ow @ every stream he's done lately gucking. ow.#im having SO much fun#scheduled post#<- lets see what horrors are waiting for me by the time this posts lmao#shape sketches#shape draws
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#today I had to go home from work#i had such a bad headache and I told them I had to go and get my migraine meds#which was true but not the only reason#my headaches are menstrual#and I had a menstrual wardrobe malfunction#for some reason I had a big blob of red on the *front* of my trousers#how on the front? was it the way I was sitting?#I spent 10 mins in the loo dabbing at it and just making it more obvious#I just felt like I can’t be professional in the office like this#so I went home and took my painkillers and lay down for 30 mins#and changed my trousers#and then went back and hoped that no one would spot that my trousers were a different colour#luckily my colleagues didn’t notice and were just concerned about if I was okay to work#but I don’t want to make a habit of losing half a day to headaches every month#so I said I was going to try and power through to hometime#there are some occasions when I definitely couldn’t do that but today I think I caught the headache before it turned truly evil#the trouser situation forced me to act#still. what bullshit my body puts me through to prepare me for a baby I will never have
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#me: i wear makeup for fun teehee#also me when i go out in public without makeup: everyone hates me and i should kms#anyway. yeah. funny. i just feel like i dont deserve to live and take up public space if i dont make an effort to conform even a little#but then again its not like i actually do my make up to be 'pretty'. i just like to make sure that there's enough#colourful glittery bullshit on my face to distract everyone who looks at me from the fact that im fucking ugly as shit lol#but i also genuinely do have fun doing it and i like looking Extra#idk maybe i wouldnt be having these issues if i had a more conventionally attractive face. but i fucking hate everything about it#and wish i could just claw it all off and start anew. and get a new skull too. one that doesnt have the bone structure of a fucking ball#idk i just feel like it's so fucking unfair that i look like THIS#and also simultaneously won the FUCKING OBSESSED WITH HOW I LOOK AND AM PERCEIVED trait in the great lottery of Things Wrong With You#i wish i could just not care.#but then again idk maybe it makes sense. maybe id be a much worse person if i were pretty since i wouldn't feel like i need to be#on my best behaviour 24/7 and must constantly Make Up For It to others so that i am Allowed to idk have basic human rights ig#anyway. bitches be like 'i hate plastic surgeries'. 10 minutes later 'i must get a nose job or ill kms'
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WIP of Vyloris, who is done real dirty by being useless compared to other Hypogean heroes while having one of the coolest designs in the whole game, smh
#delete later#myart#wip#fanart#artists on tumblr#if she wasnt a SG-only build... I would simp build her lmao but I have more self control than that... sort of#anyway can u tell i only *kind of* know how to bullshit shiny metal stuff in the colouring? lol#like only works 50% of the time but im sure this is fine 8) I'LL FIGURE IT OUT#also do u like my strategy of drawing/figuring out most of the drawing THRU the lineart and along the way instead of like...#being planned out properly from the start? :')#half the dang details I keep having to be like “OH right I have to even draw that still” and there's still so much more to go RIP#but im liking how this is turning out so I'm trying to ignore those feelings of... overwhelm-ment??? what even is english tbh
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MmmmmmmmmmmmmMMMMMMMM TEMPER FUCKING PISS OFF PISS OFF TEMPER WE DO NOT FUCKING NEED YOU WE WERE HAVING A PERFECTLY GOOD DAY WITHOUT YOU SO IF YOU COULD JUST PISS OFF AND DIE THAT WOULD BE FANTASTIC REALLY
#WHY THE FUCK DOES THE SCREEN OFF MEMO FUNCTION RANDOMLY ZOOM IN IF YOU CANT FUCKING ZOOM ANYTHING AT ALL#LEAVING YOU STUCK WITH EVERYTHING MASSIVE AND BASICALLY USELESS SO YOU HAVE TO SAVE THE FUCKING MEMO#AND NEVER USE IT IN THE SCREEN OFF WAY AGAIN#AND YOU GO INTO THE FUCKING SAMSUNG NOTES BULLSHIT APP AND THE SCREEN ORIENTATION OF THE MEMO#IS THE OPPOSITE OF WHATEVER THE ORIENTATION WAS WHEN YOU SAVED IT#AND YOU PULL UP THE PEN TO ADD TO THE MEMO AND THE COLOURS ARE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT#AND THERE GOES YOUR WHOLE FUCKING ORGANISATION SYSTEM THERES NO POINT IN EVEN FIXING IT ANYMORE ITS USELESS#WHY DO WE EVEN USE THIS FUCKING THING ITS STUPID AND USELESS AND A FUCKING PIECE OF PAPER AND A PEN WOULD BE MORE CONVENIENT#'OOOH I JUST HATE NOT BEING ABLE TO ERASE COLOURS' YEAH WELL IF YOU FUCK UP HERE YOU HAVE TO THROW THE WHOLE MEMO OUT#SO IT DOESNT FUCKING MATTER#FUCK SAMSUNG YOU STUPID PIECE OF SHIT WE CANT FUCKING STAND YOU
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and they were roommates pt. 3
pairing : Spencer Reid x fem!student!roommate!reader summary : life on campus with a killer on the loose, the FBI makes an arrest word count : 2k warning : canon-typical violence, swear words (one use of the f-word) A/N : thank you so so much for all the love on this story !!! I'm so glad you all enjoy it <333 I'll probably do a part 4, it may be the last part, idk yet :)
part 1, part 2, part 4
"Spencer, I realise your concern, but lots of women look somewhat like this." It wasn't lost on Spencer what Hotch was trying to do by calling by his first name. "Hotch, she- she could be right next to them. She fits his type right down to the colour of her eyes!" "Spencer, man, you need to think rationally." Derek placed a hand on Spencer's shoulder. "Lots of women have that hair colour and length, it's in style right now, right Emily?" "Yeah, definitely." "Look, I just- I need to make a call."
When Spencer had called you sometime in the evening, you'd been expecting him to tell you he was going to come home late and to not wait up for him. What you weren't expecting was for his voice to be the most serious and stern you'd ever heard it. "Don't go outside until I come home, okay?" He knew it was entirely irrational. The unsub only took women in broad daylight, you weren't facing any more risks than usual. But he couldn't take a chance. Not with this. Not with you. "What? Why?" "Just- I'll explain everything when I come home, I'll be there in a couple hours, but please, don't leave the apartment. And make sure everything is locked." "Spencer, what's going on?" "Can you just-" He paused, forcing himself to remain calm. "Look, do as I say, please. I'll explain everything later, I promise." You hesitated for a moment. Luckily for you, you weren't working at the bar tonight. Luckily for Spencer, you liked him enough to indulge him. "Okay." "Thank you."
"Oh my God, no, absolutely not!" "Y/N, it's for your safety, don't you understand that?!" "My safety? What about my life?"
This was the first real fight you'd ever had. You'd had disagreements, of course, he didn't like you leaving your empty cups and glasses all over the place. You told him off for waking you in the morning by making too much noise. Sometimes you'd get jealous if Geoffrey slept in Spencer's bed rather than yours. Yes, you'd had your fair share of arguments, but none quite like this.
"I'm not asking you to give up your life, you're being totally-" You scoffed loudly, interrupting him. "Spencer, you might as well! Do you realise what you're suggesting I do? You want me to give up on going outside, not go to any of my classes, not see any of my friends, not go to work, don't you see what bullshit that is? It's putting a cross on my social life, my education and my work!" You gesticulated angrily as you speak, feeling heat rising to your face. "I already told you, it's for your own safety." He sighed loudly, pinching the bridge of his nose in annoyance. He wasn't even looking at you. A tiny, tiny piece of you wanted to slap him. "I will not stop living my life because some psycho thinks it's fun to kill innocent girls! I won't!" You crossed your arms over your chest and resisted the urge to stomp your foot.
"You're being incredibly childish right now." You hated how he managed to stay calm. You wanted him to get just as angry as you were, livid even. It wasn't fair that you were the only one getting upset. "Are you making all the girls who look like me give up everything for the sake of their safety?" Your tone was mocking and mean but you didn't have it in you to care at the moment. He met your eyes at last, lips turned downwards into a frown. Finally, some sort of emotion. "Don't do that, Y/N," he warned in a low voice. "No, I think it's a valid question. Is your boss making an announcement to the press that all the girls in Mary Washington University who look like the three last girls should stay inside? Is he?" you pushed. Spencer looked away from you again, shaking his head in disbelief at your attitude. "No, he isn't."
"Then why do you expect me to do that?!" You threw your hands in the air, beyond frustrated. For a logical person, Spencer's behaviour wasn't making any sense at the moment. "I don't expect you to do it. I want you to do it, I need you to do it." You could feel his calm facade breaking, piece by piece. "Why, Spencer, fucking why?!" "Because!" He finally exploded, jumping to his feet and slapping his palms onto the table. You didn't jump. "Because it's you, Y/N! I can't work this case if I know you're in danger every single day! If I know yours could be the next dead body students ogle at on the university's front lawn! If I know it's your picture they're going to hang up next to the other victims! I just can't do it!"
Oh.
You let yourself fall down on the couch, running your hands over your face. You were both stepping into uncharted territory. You'd tip-toed this line before but had never crossed it yet. And this was not the way to do it. You were not going to cross the border from friendship into something more by screaming at each other. Spencer seemed to read your silence as distress.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell." He softly trudged over to the couch and sat down next to you. "No, it's okay, I- I kind of wanted you to. I'm sorry for getting so upset." You take his hand in your lap and intertwine your fingers. "I understand, I'm asking too much of you, it's selfish." He gives your hand a squeeze. "I just can't stand the thought of anything happening to you." You sit in silence for a little while, processing.
"I just can't hide while I wait for other girls to be killed, Spencer, it wouldn't be fair." Sometimes, Spencer hated how good of a person you were. If your morals and personal ethics were some of the things he liked about you the most, he couldn't help but curse them in this moment. "I don't care about fair," he mumbled, hating how puerile he sounded. You cooed and laid your head on his shoulder. "I know, I'm sorry."
"I won't promise you anything, but I'll try to always be with someone around campus. I'm usually with my friends anyway. And I can share my location with you all the time if that's reassuring for you." "I'd like that, thank you. And... what about when you're at work?" "I can ask Paul to walk me to my car." Paul was the manager at the bar you worked at, Quantequila. His past was a mysterious blend of prison, MMA fighting and crochet clubs. He liked you plenty and you knew he wouldn't mind walking you to your car for a while. "Thank you."
Over the next week, you did just that. Many students started moving in groups and avoiding being alone at all costs after the FBI released the profile and the pictures of the last victims.
"We're looking for a local white man, early twenties. He may have moved here a year ago, we figure he's either in his first year of BA or MA. This is someone you don't notice, he's shy and introverted, he doesn't participate in class and he won't talk to people if he can help it, especially not women. This man is a loner and does his best to be invisible. We think he stalks his victims for a while before attacking them, so if you start seeing someone you've never seen before in strange places, please notify us. My name is Aaron Hotchner and you'll find the hotline on the screen you're watching this on."
You always had at least two friends with you whenever you were roaming about on campus. Though no one really spoke about the situation, the energy had changed. People were becoming tense and suspicious. Friends were fighting over who should accompany who, when and where. A place which had once gathered so many motivated and joyous students now had those very people looking over their shoulder.
You hated it.
Truly, you didn't want to underestimate this killer, but you were getting tired of it all. You'd wish the BAU would just catch him, but, as Spencer had explained to you multiple times, they had incredibly little to go on. What you knew without him telling you was that they needed another victim to predict his next move. Still, you were a person who appreciated alone time and you had gotten none in the last 10 days. So, when two of your friends who were supposed to walk with you from your class to the subway bailed on you, you weren't that upset.
You put your headphones on, listening to your favourite song of the moment and started walking. You had a tendency of getting lost in your thoughts and didn't notice the sound of heavy footsteps following your own over your music. What you did notice though, was the reflection of someone walking close behind you in a cafe window. You looked over your shoulder, frowning. The sun was in your eyes, blocking your vision, but you managed to perceive an average-sized man with long-ish black hair which hung around his face in greasy strands. Not thinking too much of it, you continued on your way.
You didn't think too much of it when you saw him sitting a few tables away from you when you were studying one afternoon at the library. You were captivated by the Middle English poem under your eyes, wondering what the author had meant with the particular use of the kenning "earth-cave". When you looked up and caught his eyes, cold and unnerving, you didn't overthink it. There were some weird people on campus. Who were you to judge?
When you saw him at your grocery store, though, that was when you started worrying. You were picking up a box of After-Eights for Spencer when you saw him looking at oatmeal raisin biscuits. What really tipped you off was that no one really liked those, so he must have been pretending to look occupied. A chill ran down your spine as all the other places you'd spotted him came back to you. Your lecture hall, the cafeteria, sitting in the lawn under a tree, the main hall,...
You decided that the next time you would see him, you'd tell Spencer. You didn't want him to worry if this turned out to be nothing. Maybe the man was just an exchange student? Or had joined during the academic year?
Two days later, the FBI made an arrest. A man named Ben Colton fitted the profile exactly. In his dorm room, they'd found pictures of women who looked exactly like the last victims and of resembling women on campus, you were part of them. You didn't know that, Spencer had felt you didn't need to be aware of that specific detail. The only problem was that the BAU had no physical evidence tying him to the crimes yet. The arrest had been sanctioned by higher authorities while physical proof was searched for. Police dogs and officers had been tearing through all of his possessions while Garcia had gone through his entire online life. Nothing tying him to the murders had been found.
The general public knew nothing of this, of course. To them, someone getting arrested meant they could go on with their usual lives. The man you'd been seeing left and right had left your mind entirely as you celebrated your regained freedom with your friends.
Of course, Spencer had warned you. They were 99% sure this was the unsub, they just needed the evidence. That didn't eliminate the 1% chance it wasn't him. But 99% chances were good enough for you. You trusted the BAU. Specifically, you trusted Spencer. With your life.
So you started living your life normally again. You left for class a little later because you didn't need to walk with your other friends. You stopped sharing your location with Spencer. You put the volume of your music higher again. You started leaving your pepper spray at home. You started texting while walking again.
Needless to say, you were wholly unprepared for the violent blow to your head as you walked to class one morning. How ironic, you thought as you blacked out, that Mary Goldman had probably experienced the same thing exactly two weeks prior.
Taglist : (all of you who asked for a part three <3) @princess-ofthe-pages @usuck @theylovemelody @empressgraytea @xx-spooky-little-vampire-xx @lillianacristina @venomsvl @user-3113s-blog @pumpkin-cake @redros3y @faunrasthewinterelf @puppykinsthepotato @bookishnerd1132 @bonza-bear @teeshamcbeesha @hades-disappointment-child @princesssparkle2024 @darlingcharling-blog @yasmin12312 @khxna @jamieeboulos
#spencer reid angst#spencer reid fluff#spencer reid x you#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid fic#Spencer reid#spencer reid fanfiction#dr spencer reid#criminal minds x you#criminal minds x reader#criminal minds
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Period Pain, Go Away
how the JJK men help you through your period
content: afab reader x jjk men, just fluff this time! brief dirty joke in Toji's one (because he's Toji), but every one of them is a good boi in their own way <33
a/n: on my period and am in much pain v_v i can't decide who i want to comfort me, so i'm writing for all of the men i want
Gojo Satoru who isn't just your boyfriend during your period, but a "girl's girl". He wants to spoil you with desserts and eat the leftovers that you can't finish, do face masks with those cute cucumber slices over the eyes. You want a bath? He's already drawing one, dunking in bath bombs till the water looks like a small galaxy, putting on your comfort show so you can watch it while you soak.
Dealing with pain through fun and smiles has always been his way of coping. So, yes—maybe he does look a bit silly, gossiping with you while you paint sparkles onto his nails, his hair tied up with a pink scrunchie. But what's a boyfriend for, if not to be your Ken doll during your time of need?
It hurts him more than he likes to admit, to see you wince at a bad cramp, or come out of the bathroom with the colour drained from your cheeks. When you can't manage anything more than lying in your bed, he'll rest his head against your stomach, peppering kisses wherever it hurts. "Be good to my girl," he'll jokingly threaten your uterus, poking your tummy gently, "she deserves the world."
Geto Suguru who knows your period is coming before you do. Your irritable mood and food cravings clue him in, and he takes action without saying a single word.
The day your period starts, you realise that the feminine products you usually use have been fully restocked without your notice. The fridge is filled with your period cravings, enough to last a week. Before you can even say anything, a large hand wraps around your waist and presses a hot water bottle against your abdomen. "Good morning, princess," he greets you like he hasn't just pulled off what can only be described as a small miracle, "is everything to your liking?"
You don't know whether to laugh or cry at how perfectly he's predicted you. He's a step ahead of you throughout your entire period, knowing which snack or act of affection you want just by your expression. Some might call his behaviour unreasonable; frankly, he thinks it's bullshit. "Attention, taken to its highest degree, is the same thing as prayer," is what he quotes, when you ask him why he's so observant. "What makes you think I do not absolutely and utterly worship you?"
Nanami Kento who is obviously written by a woman, and so does not flinch when he sees the blood on the bedsheets when he wakes up earlier than you. Instead, he kisses you good morning till you're giggling, distracting you so you don't get a chance to see the stains. He changes the sheets while you're in the bathroom, throwing them in with the rest of the laundry. When you come back out, worrying you dirtied the bed, he merely shrugs. "I didn't see anything, darling."
He treats you like a queen on the daily, but during your period, you're his empress. Each word is law, each action his cue to immediately come to your aid. He'll cook every meal, and won't let you hold the spoon to feed yourself if he can help it. As far as he can see, your only responsibility this week is to lounge around, and let him spoil you rotten.
He thinks it's a crime that you still have to go to work, when you have to pop painkillers with your breakfast just to make it through the day. "I can take care of you, you know," he'll inevitably murmur, kissing the shell of your ear, "I make enough money to support us both. Take the day off, dearest. They don't need you more than I do."
Toji Fushiguro who manages to piss you off on the first day of your period. "What size pussy you wear?" he calls to ask, when he's picking up your feminine products at the corner store, "gotta make sure I take care of that kitty for all the squeezin' she does on me."
When he gets back home and finishes getting an earful on how you're more than just his pocket pussy, he apologises by scooping you up in his arms. "You know you're more than just a good fuck, doll," his words carry a rare sort of honesty, coming from him. "You're a good woman. My woman. Gun's in the second drawer, sweetheart—shoot me if I ever do wrong by you."
His touches turn softer, the smack to your ass replaced with a squeeze on the hip, kisses on your shoulders. He's got a hand on you at all times, just rubbing idle circles against your stomach or lower back to soothe your cramps. When bedtime comes, he makes you lay on your tummy, massaging away the tension in your muscles until you're all nice and pliant. He may not always know what to say, but he'll be damned if his actions make you feel like he doesn't love you.
#believe it or not i am in fact capable of having chaste thoughts!#jjk men pls take care of my pussy sfw version#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jujutsu kaisen fluff#jjk fluff#gojo satoru#jjk gojo#gojo satoru x reader#gojo x reader#geto suguru#jjk geto#geto suguru x reader#geto x reader#nanami kento#jjk nanami#nanami kento x reader#nanami x reader#toji fushiguro#jjk toji#toji fushigro x reader#toji x reader#my content
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LOGAN HOWLETT - VERSION OF YOU
A/N: Inspired by the Deadpool and Wolverine trailer. Inaccurate things when it comes to timelines and shit. Beware, it was not edited properly. Sorry.
Pairing: Logan Howlett x mutant female reader
Warning: angsty?, attempt at being funny?
My stories are written for mature audiences - 18+!
Words: 2500+
Important note: Hugh Jackman!Wolverine (which means he's tall as fuck!)
FULL MASTERLIST | LOGAN HOWLETT MASTERLIST
LOGAN HOWLETT - VERSION OF YOU
“Do you think this is gonna work?”
“Agent Smith said it would.”
“It’s fucking weird, you know?”
“A lot of fucked up things happened before. This is nothing compared to what I have to deal with now. So, ladies first.”
Wade pointed at the weird-looking orange door. He didn’t want to walk through them first. That fucker shoved Y/N right into the portal before he took a step forward. Coward.
They appeared in front of a dive bar, during a bright sunny day. Y/N looked at Wade, well, more like at his masked face. “Wasn’t this place supposed to be fucked up?” she asked. “It’s too nice outside.”
“It will become in a matter of hours. Now, here’s the plan,” he said. “We’ll go in. I’ll talk first. If I won’t move with that stubborn mountain of a man, it’s your turn. Do whatever it takes to bring him with us - smile at him, have sex with him, for all I care. And, who knows, maybe we will know whether Agent Smith was right.”
“I call bullshit,” said Y/N, cracking her knuckles. “I don’t know him. I think it’s a fairy tale he made up so I would work with you,” she said, fixing her tactical suit. “Can’t believe I’m doing this shit with you, Wade.”
He chuckled. “Come on, you love spending time with me, kicking ass, making men suffer.”
“I will make you suffer.”
Together, they approached the entrance door of the dive bar. Wade was the first one to walk in. During the day, there weren’t many people around. Some people gave them brief attention but quickly went back to their beers. Y/N glared at Wade.
“Our guy is right there,” he said, pointing to the bar.
And there he was - their target - the man they had to collect to save the universe. Was it the universe or the multiverse? Whatever it was, he was crucial for this mission.
Y/N eyed his back - the dark jacket he wore and how bent he was over the bar. The sadness radiated from him. Something was happening inside her. As if she experienced a magnetic pull towards him.
Y/N showed Wade forward to start. She was curious to see the man’s reaction. She sat at a nearby table ready to watch the scene unfold. Of course, Wade used a beautiful opening line that would normally get his assed whipped.
“Hi, peanut.”
Y/N bit her lower lip to stop herself from laughing. This was Wade, typical Wade Wilson. Fucking Deadpool and her best friend. How the fuck did they manage to become friends? She knew him for a long time, fought alongside him and tolerated that dipshit.
“Look, lady, I’m not interested,” the man said gruffly. His voice was deep, husky and kind of sexy. It made Y/N tilt her head. Interesting.
It was painful to watch the interaction. Wade tried to get him off the chair, away from the bar before he could explain anything. Such a rookie mistake. It was time to intervene before Wade overstepped and jeopardised this whole mission.
She got off the chair and walked to the tall, well-built man. With a smile, she tapped on his shoulder. He instantly turned, his weird metal claws already out of his hands, ready to fight. When their eyes met, she showed him her bright smile and teeth. “Hi, peanut.”
His face changed from pissed to shocked in less than a second. For a second it lost its colour. The man’s mouth opened wide. “Y/N?” he said her name gently, too gently for her liking. “Holy shit.”
“Ha, Agent Smith was right,” Wade laughed, pointing a finger at her face. It got him three claws into his stomach. It made him grunt and fell to his knees. “Ouch. That fucking hurt.”
“You know me?” Y/N asked, not believing the whole story she was told back in the TVA.
That question took him aback. “What kind of dumb question is that, baby? Of course, I know ya,” and his hands reached for her face, holding her cheeks. To Y/N’s surprise, she let him. “How is this possible? How are you alive?”
It was Y/N’s time for her eyes to widen in complete shock. “Woah,” she stepped back.
“It’s me,” he said, frowning. “It’s Logan.”
Wade decided to step in, waving a hand at them. “I don’t want to interrupt this romantic reunion, but we need to talk to you, big guy. It’s important.”
“You came here with the weírd-looking sex toy?” Logan’s eyes were back on Y/N. “What the fuck is this? The the fuck is going on?”
That made her laugh. “Ha, Wade, even he thinks you look like a sex toy. With Cable, we are now three who think the same thing.”
“Fuck you, Y/N,” he spat back.
The man, Logan, pushed away from her, glaring. His claws were in the air, ready to strike if necessary. “Who the fuck are you?”
“My name is Deadpool and this is my annoying friend Y/N,” Wade introduced them.
“You are an ass,” Y/N glared at Wade.
“Impossible,” Logan shook his head, bumping into a wooden stool. “You are dead,” he pointed a finger directly at Y/N’s face. “You cannot be here. You died in my fucking arms! Who the fuck are you?” he raised his voice at her.
“I’m Y/N,” she said.
“Don’t bullshit me!”
There was a sound of a loading gun. All three lazily turned their gaze to the bartender who was pointing a shotgun at them. None of them was intimidated by that. “Get the fuck out of my bar! Now! Or I will shoot you all.”
“I think this is our cue,” Wade whispered.
Logan grabbed Wade by the red top of his suit, pushing him out of the bar like he was a ragdoll. Y/N immediately followed them out, ready to step in if necessary. She wasn’t worried about Wade. He was immortal. His body parts would grow back. She was more ready to step in intellectually. That was something Wade didn’t know how to do.
“Everyone calm down,” she said.
“No!” they both yelled at her, already fighting like children.
Y/N looked at herself, reading this story and made a sour face. “Men,” she sighed and turned her gaze to the two men who were about to tear each other apart. A purple-looking mist appeared in her hands and she pushed the men away from each other.
“That’s enough, gentlemen,” she said.
There was blood coming out of Wade’s abdomen - the marks from the claws. She had to shake her head. Wade had his gun out, pointing it directly at Logan. “Will you fucking listen, you oaf?”
Logan’s eyes moved from him back to Y/N. She saw how his stance relaxed. It was painful to look at her, see someone he lost. His claws retraced back into his hands. His fists clenched tightly, knuckles becoming white. “How come you are alive?” he asked.
Y/N sighed. “Because I’m not her… me… uh,” she shook her head. “It’s complicated.”
“Fucking talk, woman,” he raised his voice.
She raised her hand to calm him. “I can explain. But I need you to come with us, Logan.”
His eyes closed. When Y/N said her name, more emotions ran across his face. “How can I trust you? I can’t seem to trust my own mind.”
Wade was ready to say something stupid, but Y/N quickly shut him up by throwing him away with her power. “Believe me, it doesn’t make any sense to me, too. I can give you an explanation if you will help us.”
“Help with what?” he raised a brow.
Y/N made a face, changed it to a frown. ”To save the multiverse?” she said it like a question, hesitant whether he’d believe her. “Before you say anything, I know it sounds fucking crazy. Trust me, I still have a hard time wrapping my mind around it.”
Wade came running back. “That was rude, you know?”
“Shut up,” she glared at him. “We need his help, so let me handle it. Just for once, Wade, I need you to zip it, okay?”
He leaned closer to Logan. “She’s hormonal,” he whispered to him.
This time, Y/N decided to ignore his comment. “Please,” she turned her gaze to Logan. “Will you come with us? Help us save our world, all of the worlds?”
He scoffed. “I’m no hero, kid.”
Y/N turned her head to Wade, then back to Logan. “None of us are heroes here,” she said. “Maybe that’s why we are meant to save everyone’s asses,” she shrugged.
Logan pinched the bridge of his nose. “How come you are not a hero? You are the sweetest thing in this world. You are the definition of heroism and kindness,” he said.
She made a face. “Come with us and we’ll talk about it all.”
And he did.
. . .
Logan and Y/N sat behind an old-fashioned plastic table. He still wore his clothes while Y/N changed from her tactical suit to jeans and a simple shirt. The silence between them was awkward. The tension could be cut with a knife. His eyes scanned her from head to anywhere they were able to reach.
There was a stack of documents and papers by her side. She grabbed them to show them to prove she was not lying.
The door opened and Wade stepped in, out of his red suit. Logan gasped, horrified when he saw the man’s face. “What the fuck? Holy shit, that is fucking horrible. As if you were ran down by a Zamboni,” he yelled.
“It’s disgusting, right?” Y/N nodded. But a second later a grin was on her face.
“Ha, ha,” Wade pretended to laugh. “Can’t believe you two are laughing at a poor disabled man who happened to have his face fucked to safe his shitty life.”
“That was your decision,” Y/N reminded him.
Logan pretended to hurl. Y/N chuckled. “It’s hard to look at him.”
Y/N smiled at her friend. “Could you leave us alone?” she asked. “I need to talk to him alone and, well, it takes time to get used to your face.”
Wade pointed a finger at her. “One day, I will cut your tongue out,” he threatened. He was already on his way out. “Oh,” he threw her a little device. “If you want to show him something spicy,” he winked at her.
Once the door shut behind him, Y/N exhaled the breath she was holding. “Now that he’s out of the picture,” she waved with a hand.
“Just start singing,” said Logan, annoyed.
“My name is Y/N Y/L/N, but I am not your Y/N. I’m from a different timeline,” she started.
“How are you, not my Y/N? You sound the same, you look the same. You have the same mutation,” he said. “And a different timeline? What kind of bullshit is that?”
She shrugged. “Hey, I found out about all of this today, okay?” she then glared at him. “I, myself, have trouble taking it in. It’s crazy, it’s fucked up on so many levels. It’s not easy for me too, you know?”
Logan huffed. “Continue.”
“This is going to sound crazy, so prepare yourself.” She took a deep breath. “I was told, and showed, that somehow, we are meant to be together in almost every timeline.”
“What?”
Y/N made a face. “It sounds like a fucking fairytale.” Her hands grabbed the first folder, looking at its name. When she opened it, there was a photo of both of them. They looked the same. Y/N pushed her chair closer to him and showed Logan the details in the document. “In this timeline, we are both normal people. We live together in the Canadian mountains.”
Logan took the folder and read the document. His eyes went over the photo. He shook his head. “Holy shit,” was the only thing he said.
Y/N reached for another folder. When she opened it, she chuckled. “Here, you are a notorious mob boss,” she showed him. In the picture, he had an eyepatch over his left eye. “We live in Madripoor. People know you there as Patch.”
“What about my version in your world?” he asked.
She sighed. “There is none. I said we are meant to be together in almost every universe. In mine, you don’t exist.” She turned to the documents and took out the one from her timeline.
Logan snatched it from her, reading through the words. “You are a mercenary?” he asked.
“Uh, yeah,” she nodded. “Wade and I have a business together. He’s the only family I have. Well, Wade and his fianceé Vanessa. In the past, the Avengers approached with the offer to be in their team. I declined. That’s not who I am.”
“Is there a world, uh, timeline where you don’t exist?” he asked.
“They told me there used to be one, but that timeline was destroyed a long time ago,” she explained. “Don’t ask me how that happened, because I don’t have an answer for that. You should ask Agent Smith that.”
“Why do you keep calling him that?”
“He looks like a character from a movie,” she explained. Her hand reached for another folder. When she opened it, she laughed. “In this world, you and are enemies that secretly love each other.”
Logan’s brow raised. He read the details of their relationship. “You are on Magneto’s side?” he gasped. “I mean, she is… This is so confusing.”
“Uh,” she hesitated for a moment. “When did you lose me? Or the version of me. You know what I mean.”
“Haven’t you read that?” he asked.
“Nope,” she shook he head. “I’ve got through a couple of those folders. I was only told that we were going to your timeline and that I was dead. Plus to get you out of there and convince you to help us.”
Logan nodded. “You died…” It was hard to talk about it. “It happened a few years ago during a war that the mutants were in,” he said. “You died in my arms,” he cleared his throat.
“I’m sorry,” Y/N whispered.
“I live with that pain every day,” he continued. “And now, it is fucking harder than ever before, because here you are, sitting in front of me, but you are not… her.”
At that point, she realised how difficult this experience was for him. Logan seemed like a tough guy. The pain that reflected in his eyes, how he avoided meeting her eyes more and more.
“Everyone I knew is dead,” said Logan after a pause. “No one lives in my world that I care about.”
Y/N bit her lower lip. “Logan,” she said his name softly. “We pulled you out of your timeline because it will be destroyed soon.”
His eyes widened. “Wait, what? What’s going to happen to me?”
“The TVA will present you with options. But if we save the multiverse, we will be rewarded. Or that’s what they told me,” she said.
“It doesn’t matter. No one in my world is alive.” He stood up from the chair. “Let’s do this shit. I don’t want to waste anyone’s time.”
Y/N put a small smile on her face. She wanted to show him more, tell him what they told her, what she thought of it. “Yeah, let’s do this.”
#Logan Howlett x reader#Logan Howlett x female reader#Logan Howlett#Logan Howlett fanfiction#Wolverine x reader#Wolverine x female reader#marvel fanfiction#Wolverine fanfiction
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I don't know why, but I'm enjoying the thought of Coco and Jaune being bros.
99% Lesbian
Blake: Coco!
Yang: Hey, Coco!
Coco: Yes?
Blake: We need your help
Coco: My help? Well, first off: Stop wearing all black. Add more colour to you apparel; I recommend purples, golds, and perhaps some deep blues. I think those colours would really make you 'pop!' Otherwise you look like a poorly dressed goth girl hipster. And no, you do not look like a goth girl the way you are dressed, and most certainly a sexy goth girl.
Blake: That's not 1hat...
Yang: No. No, take notes you could use a make over.
Blake: Hey!
Yang: But, no this isn't fashion related!
Coco: It isn't? Then what the hell do you two want help with me, you utter fashion slobs!
Blake: Hey!
Yang: I know it's true that, Blake dresses like a slob!
Blake: Hey?!
Yang: But, does that include me too?
Coco: Only two people in this entire school have any sense of woman's fashion, and neither of them are you.
Yang: Who?!
Blake: Yeah, who?!
Coco: Jaune Arc.
Blake: Jaune?
Yang: Him, really?
Coco: He has seven sisters, he knows plenty about woman's fashion.
Blake: So you say...
Yang: Who's the other person?
Coco: Glynda Goodwitch.
BY: ...
Blake: I'm not going to argue against that.
Yang: She's drop dead gorgeous, what else do we need to say?
Coco: So, what do you need help with?
Yang: We need to help settle a bet.
Coco: A bet?
Yang: Yeah, Ruby said you weren't gay, and that you were in fact, bisexual. We called bullshit, she said it was true, so we made a bet on whether or, not you are actually gay.
Blake: So, are you bisexual?
Coco: No I'm not bisexual.
Blake: Ha!
Yang: I knew it!
Coco: But, I'm not... 100% a lesbian.
Blake: Eh?
Yang: Beg pardon?
Coco: I'm 99% lesbian, but I am 1%... straight...
Blake: You're 1% straight...?
Yang: So... you are bisexual?
Coco: No... I love woman 99% of the time. But, 1% of the time... I'm straight... exclusively for, Jaune...
BY: For, Jaune?!
Coco: For, Jaune.
Yang: How are you attracted to, Jaune? He's... he's...
Blake: He's, Jaune!
Yang: I was going to say a guy, but that's true.
Coco: Gods, does everyone have to pick on my, 'If I had to pick a dude?' He's a great guy, a bit of a goofball sure, and a dunce. But, he is a really nice guy once you get to know him.
Blake: And, because you know, Jaune so well he becomes the 1%?
Coco: Well, there's also the fact that he is the only person I can discuss fashion with; he has great taste, and has even convinced me to wear a helmet as part of my fashion assemble. I just started to enjoy being around with him. So the intrusive thought of us... 'mingling' just popped up. So, I'm 99% a lesbian, and 1% straight for, Jaune.
Blake: Oh, that makes sense. Somehow...?
Yang: So... did we win the bet?
Blake: We didn't bet anything, so we could call it a draw if we wanted to. Right?
Coco: I'd call it a dra...
Jaune: Coco!
Coco: Hey, Bunny Boy, what's up?
Blake: Bunny boy?
Jaune: I found another helmet you could wear! Only this time if completely covers your head, which of course would make it that it doesn't go with your current outfits design. But, that does mean you have to choreograph an entire wardrobe to fit the helmet. Of which, honestly sounds fun to do on it's on.
Coco: Oh-ho-ho~! Really now? Okay, show me this helmet you're so confident about?
Jaune: Tada~!
Coco: ...
Coco: Holy shit...
Jaune: You like it?
Coco: This is a old helmet, so I would have a more detailed lion head, and mane. The colours would definitely involve more gold, maroon, and crimsons.
Jaune: Red, and caramel browns, with complementary cream whites?
Coco: Oh that sounds perfect! Colours aside, what would this outfit entail?
Jaune: Boot's that are at least knee height...
Coco: High heels?
Jaune: Oh, but of course. Next should... Hmmm... Oh no...
Coco: What is it?
Jaune: Nora pulled a, Nora again. I'm sorry I gotta go. Shall we continued this discussion later?
Coco: No problem, Love. Have fun~!
Jaune: See you later, Mocha!
Coco: Hmmm... Should the face mask be a copy of my face, or should it be a generic face?
BY: ...
Coco: ...
Coco: What?
Yang: 'No problem, Love?'
Blake: You sure it's just 1%?
Coco: ...
Coco: Maybe... 10%...?
Yang: Coco's bisexual, but only for, Jaune.
Blake: Agreed.
Coco: ...
Coco: That's fair...
#rwby#jaune arc#yang xiao long#blake belladonna#glynda goodwitch#ruby rose#coco adel#coco x jaune#jaune x coco#rwby french roast
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Looked to the Sky - Chapter 6
Summary:
Eira Archeron was neither a Valkyrie, nor a Seer, nor the High Lady of the Night Court. She was, however, Azriel‘s mate with her own mysterious, untrained powers.
Also known as: Azriel tries to court his mate the human way.
Warnings:
THIS IS THE LIGHTNING IN A BOTTLE SEQUEL! SO READ THAT FIRST IF YOU WANNA READ THIS ONE OTHERWISE THIS MAKES NO SENSE!
Elain Bashing, Amren bashing, Azriel is an idiot, Eira has a well-deserved crying fit and without @k-godling this would have never happened.
(super pretty dividers by @tsunami-of-tears)
"Do I want to know what your mother said to you?" Cassian asked him with a sigh the next morning. They were at the River House.
Eira was still sleeping. Or again. Resting. Pure exhaustion apparent in every fibre of her being. She had stumbled up the stairs the night before, fell into her bed and hadn’t moved. Feyre and Nesta were both with her, had been with her since then...
Azriel let out a small huff, and glanced at Cassian from his couch seat.
“No,” he said bluntly. “No, you really don’t want to know.”
"You're brooding," Cassian pointed out. Azriel snorted at his brother’s observation, crossing his arms.
“And you’re observant,” he said dryly. “Your point?”
Cassian huffed in amused annoyance and shoved him playfully. “Come on. Out with it,” he said, propping his feet on the coffee table, his wings shifting behind him. “You’ve been quiet and broody and grumpy all morning. You need to talk about it.”
"Talk about what? Talk about the fact that whatever Amren said to my mate was enough to push her head first into a panic so bad that she winnowed? Burned down half a forest accidentally?" Azriel asked, his voice forcedly even. "Or about the fact that I needed my mother to call me out on my bullshit because I am a fucking idiot ?"
"Language," Rhys said with a sigh, trying and failing to feed Nyx his porridge.
Cassian rolled his eyes in annoyance at Rhys’s words, while Azriel gave his high lord a flat look.
“Are you seriously going to get on me for my language?” he asked Rhys dryly. “Out of everything I just said?
"I do not need a fight with Feyre, because our son starts repeating your curse words," Rhys muttered.
Cassian snorted at that, and Azriel couldn’t help the small smile that tugged at the corner of his mouth, shaking his head.
Somehow, even right now, when everything was such a mess, Rhys still managed to find ways to be a caring father.
“Can we focus on something more important?” Azriel said, his voice a grumble. “Like the fact that I’m failing as a mate?”
Cassian’s snort turned into a choke at Azriel’s comment, his eyes going wide. “Failing as a mate? You? You’re kidding, right?”
Azriel scowled at Cassian’s shocked response.
“And how exactly is it possible that I’m not failing?” he demanded, his hands clenching into fists. “Because I can think of many, many ways, Cass.”
“What exactly have you done that qualifies as failure?” Cassian countered, shifting position so that he mirrored Azriel’s pose. “Because I’m really drawing a blank.”
"I fancied myself in love with her twin sister and pretty much used Eira as nothing but a source of information about Elain. Then, when I realised that Eira was my mate, I asked for permission to court her and within that conversation somehow found it prudent to say that Elain was the pretty one but Eira was the kind one and would protect our children fiercely. Then I gave her a harp as a courting gift, while she needed to sell her old one to keep her family from starving and nobody ever even thought about the fact that maybe that would bring up some bad memories. Then instead of asking what she wanted to do, I decided on the symphony, where I spent 3 hours sitting next to her in silence because all I could concentrate on was the fact that she held my hand . I have no fucking clue if sewing and baking and cooking are actually her hobbies or just the chores she liked best and I don't even know her favourite colour. Tell me how I am not failing, Cassian!"
Cassian opened and closed his mouth a few times, clearly at a loss for words.
Azriel let out a weary sigh and closed his eyes, scrubbing a hand over his jaw.
He knew he had screwed up. That he had failed miserably in so many ways. But saying the words aloud…hearing them said out loud…somehow just made it even more real.
He slumped down in his seat, burying his head in his hands.
“You…you really are an idiot, Az…” Cassian finally managed to say, his voice quiet as he spoke.
Azriel knew that.
"I told Nesta that everybody hates her," Cassian admitted quietly. "I didn't tell her that I loved her until after our fucking mating ceremony. I have no clue what her favourite colour is either, now that I am thinking about it."
When Cassian told him that, Azriel’s eyes flew open and he looked up at his brother, his jaw slackening.
“You what?” he demanded, not quite believing what he’d just heard.
"Not my best moments," Cassian admitted drily.
Azriel let out a choked snort at his brother’s reply, and he buried his head in his hands again.
“And you said I’m the idiot?” he asked faintly.
“We’re both idiots,” Cassian said matter-of-factly, flopping back against the couch cushions. “Maybe all males are idiots.”
"I didn't tell Feyre about the dangers the pregnancy put her in," Rhys said quietly. "I didn't tell her we were mates at first either. I am sure there are dozens of other things I did, where I failed as a mate."
Azriel sighed, and he let his hand drop to his lap, shaking his head in disbelief.
“You’re really not helping,” he said, his voice quiet. “I shouldn’t feel better about being a failure as a mate because my brothers are failures too.“
Cassian snickered at Azriel’s response, but Rhys let out a huff and gave him an amused smile.
“I’m just saying,” he began, his eyes soft. “You’re far from the only person to have ever messed up with a mate, Azriel. Hell, the list of things I did wrong with Feyre is longer than your arm.”
Azriel closed his eyes again, letting out a sigh as he rested his head back against the couch cushions.
He knew that Rhys was right. Knew that all the males around him were speaking the truth. He wasn’t the only one to have messed up with a mate.
But somehow, knowing that didn’t make the knowledge that he had failed feel any less raw. Any less painful.
“I don’t want to fail,” Azriel said quietly. “I don’t want to put her through…this pain. But I feel like that’s all I’m doing. All I did was let my own emotions and wants and desires drown out what Eira really needed“
"Then maybe you should ask Eira what Eira actually wants," Cassian said with a snort.
...And he was already back to making the exact same error as before, wasn't he? That should have been his first thought.
Azriel closed his eyes again, letting out another weary sigh.
“How?” he mumbled. “How do I go to her and say ‘Hey, I realize that I did everything wrong so far. And I failed you and I’m an idiot, so how about you and I can start everything over from the beginning?’”
A hand, strong and heavy, descended on the top of his head and ruffled his hair.
“By doing it,” Rhys said firmly, a hint of a smile on his face. “By looking her straight in the eye and telling her what you just admitted to us. She deserves the honesty.“
“And when she says ‘no’? When she says she wants nothing to do with a failure and idiot of a male like me?” Azriel asked bitterly. “What then?”
"She won't," Rhys said calmly. "She won't, Azriel. She has been in love with you for years."
Azriel let out a sharp huff at Rhys’s statement. “Even more reason not to take me back,” he grumbled in response. “She’s loved me for that long and that’s all I come up with? Silence and stupidity? If I were her, I would reject me too."
"Just talk to her," Cassian said with a sigh. "We have enough other problems to deal with that aren't your brooding, Az."
There were so many other things to deal with. So many other things more important than his brooding.
Maybe there weren't many other things that were more important than his relationship with Eira, but still…
“Fine,” he mumbled at last, his shoulders slumping. “I’ll talk to her.”
He needed to talk to her. Once she was awake. In the meantime… "What did you do to Amren?" he asked Rhys, who looked up startled.
“We had words,” Rhys said clippedly. “I suggested that she'll stay with Varian in the Summer Court for a few weeks. She’ll be welcome in Velaris when she can apologise to Eira and actually mean it.” Rhys’ voice was icy when he said that. “And I am due to have another conversation with Morrigan because I am not letting her get away with it either. Which reminds me, Cassian, you also owe Eira an apology,” Rhys pointed out evenly.
Cassian grimaced. “I know,” he admitted with a sigh. “I just really doubt that she wants to hear it,” he admitted quietly.
Rhys sighed. "Which brings me to our next problem: I didn't want to push it...but we need to get Eira to train."
Azriel inhaled deeply and closed his eyes for a brief moment.
Of course, they would need to talk about that. Part of him was even surprised that Rhys had waited that long to bring up training.
"She needs control," Rhys continued, holding up a hand. "I am not talking about training her to kill anybody. I am talking about her learning to control her...lightning. And maybe some self-defence if she is up to that."
Azriel nodded in agreement. As much as he hated the thought of any sort of violence being aimed toward Eira — hated the mere idea of seeing her get hurt again — he knew that Rhys was right.
She needed to know how to control herself. To protect herself. She needed to know how to fight.
Azriel nodded again, raking a trembling hand back through his hair.
A part of him felt like he was betraying Eira by agreeing to this. Like he was failing her again. But another part, the part of him that was a warrior, that knew how to fight, that knew the dangers that came with not being able to defend yourself…that part of him agreed with Rhys.
"I'll be the bad guy," Rhys said with a sigh. "I'll be the one asking her. I hope I'll get away without outright ordering her."
Azriel let a small huff at Rhys’s comment.
He knew that if anyone had a chance at convincing Eira to train, it would be Rhys. But that didn’t help the pang of guilt at the thought of his mate receiving further training — being forced into training to begin with.
“And this arrived yesterday,” Rhys said with a sigh as he dropped an envelope in front of them.
Azriel’s mouth flattened as he looked down at the envelope, his heart dropping at the sight of the Day Court symbol.
Cassian let out an identical, weary sigh as they also caught sight of the symbol.
Everyone in the room knew what that invitation meant.
"Feyre and I are required to attend," Rhys said quietly. "If Nesta won't go...there will be talk. Maybe less talk if Eira doesn't attend, but there will be talk about strive between the sisters, regardless of what information we feed them."
Azriel had to grit his teeth to hold back from letting out a snarl.
He knew Rhys was right. Knew that there would be talk no matter what.
But the thought of Eira being forced to attend that wedding...forced to endure Elain’s presence… He clenched his fist and took in a deep breath through his nose.
He was not going to like this. “If Eira goes, I go,” he spat out.
Rhys’s mouth flattened for a moment, and Azriel braced himself for a fight.
Instead, his brother just gave him a short nod. “I expected nothing less, brother,” he said quietly.
****
Eira had slept. The first restful night in quite a while.
She still felt exhausted. Still felt like the world around her was...blurry. But it didn’t feel like all her energy had been sapped from her body, forcing her into unconsciousness.
It was an improvement.
"How are you feeling?" Feyre asked her softly. Nesta and she were curled around Eira in her bed...reminding her of their days in that bed in that cottage. Just one thing was lacking: Elain.
“I’m...better than I was last night,” she mumbled truthfully, pulling her blanket tighter around her shoulders. “…Still tired though.”
"You winnowed without training. That should probably be expected," Nesta said drily.
"You also nearly put Amren on fire with your lightning," Feyre said with a grimace, and Eira flinched.
"She had that coming," Nesta growled. "What did she tell you? Were you a waste of life as well?" Eira flinched again, wrapping the blanket tighter around herself.
She didn’t want to talk about Amren. Didn’t want to talk about anything that had happened. Didn’t want to think about anything that had happened.
She just wanted to…sleep. She wanted to forget. Let her eyelids close. Drift away. Not feel so goddamn tired…
"She told her that not training her powers was a waste," Feyre said quietly. "That Eira owed it to me because I hunted and apparently kept her alive . It was absolutely out of line and ridiculous."
A fresh wave of heat rushed to Eira’s cheeks as Feyre explained what had happened, and a pang of shame went to her stomach.
Because Amren was right. She did owe it to Feyre. That, and so much more. Feyre had cared for her. Hunted for her. Protected her. And what had Eira done in return? Nothing. Nothing but fail.
“You know-“ she began to ask, her words cutting awkwardly off as she felt a pang of guilt stabbed her chest.
“Yeah, I know what she said to you,” Feyre replied, her eyes soft. “Rhys got the whole thing out of her…He had a few things to say…I had a few choice words to say to her myself.”
Eira’s heart dropped into her stomach. She should’ve known that Rhys would have found out. He seemed to find out everything sooner or later. She winced, suddenly feeling even more guilty.
"I am sorry," Eira whispered. "I didn't want...I'll...I'll train. I'll learn how to control it. I'll..." She would hate every minute but if it made it easier for Feyre, she would...
“No,” Feyre told her softly, but firmly. “You will not be doing anything to make my life easier, Eira. You owe me nothing. Do you understand me?”
She wrapped her arms around Eira tightly and rested her head against Eira’s shoulder.
“You don’t have to do anything. For me. For anyone. Understand?” she murmured softly.
"Training would be a good idea, but you don't need to do that for me," Feyre whispered. "Do it for yourself, Eira."
Eira’s throat tightened, and she swallowed thickly.
She didn’t want to do any sort of training. She didn’t want to do anything in that moment.
She just wanted to lie in bed. Forget about the world. And yet…she knew that training would be a smart idea. That she did need to learn how to control her...lightning. And she didn’t want a repeat of last night. With great reluctance, she swallowed again. “I…alright,” she mumbled. “I’ll…I’ll train. And learn how to control…my…lightning.“
She hated the words as soon as they escaped her mouth, but she didn’t take them back. She knew it was the right thing to do…even if she didn’t like it.
"I know you're not looking forward to it," Feyre said drily, and Eira smiled despite herself. A tiny, reluctant smile, but a smile nonetheless.
"Who's…going to…" she began, before trailing off. “Who's going to be training me?”
"Not Amren," Nesta snapped immediately.
The words were like a weight being lifted from Eira’s chest. She was relieved more than she cared to admit that Amren wouldn’t be the one training her…and then guilt immediately set in. She shouldn’t feel so relieved. So happy. Amren had done nothing but be harsh but the truth to her, and yet…she still couldn’t stop herself from being happy that the female wouldn’t be training her.
“…That, we know already,” Feyre deadpanned as she shot her sister a fond smile. “But you’re right. Nobody is thinking about having Amren train Eira. It’ll probably be Rhys if you are comfortable with that.”
She took a deep breath.
Rhys.
Rhys was…good. She could deal with Rhsy training her. Out of all the options…he was good. It could be worse, she tried to tell herself.
“Doesn't he have...anything more important to do?” Eira asked hesitantly.
She knew that Rhys was the High Lord and…surely he didn’t have time to deal with her. Surely, he had more important things to deal with than training some…somebody like her.
She was…waste of time, and she didn’t want to be any more of a burden on him than she already was.
“He’ll figure it out,” Feyre replied, giving her a soft smile. “He’ll make time, Eira. He’s good like that.”
Nesta made an annoyed sound, making Feyre roll her eyes.
Eira swallowed again, the words not really doing anything to reassure her that she wasn’t wasting Rhys’s time.
Rhys was important. The High Lord. He shouldn’t have to waste his time with her . She knew that she couldn’t say those things. Couldn’t make Feyre or Nesta realize how ridiculous this whole thing was…how insane it was to have the High Lord of the Night Court as her teacher .
“It’ll be fine,” Feyre repeated, giving her shoulders a gentle squeeze. "Now...how was...your meeting with Azriel's mother yesterday?" Feyre asked. "I need to admit, I didn't even know that his mother was still....alive," she admitted with a grimace.
"He mentions her...very rarely," Nesta disagreed quietly. "She's a seamstress though...She made him a jacket he wore for solstice once."
Eira hadn't known that…but then she also hadn’t known that his mother was still alive. He had never mentioned her to Eira at all. And Esmeray…Esmeray was the last thing Eira wanted to talk about. Eira didn't want to walk about...about what she had said.
"She…was nice. Sweet, like Azriel," Eira answered quietly, swallowing. "She was...maternal. Not like our mother was." It was true. She was sweet…kind…lovely.
Feyre and Nesta exchanged a glance. "But?" Feyre prompted her quietly. "Did she say....anything?"
Eira didn’t say anything, just closed her eyes. “Talk to us,” Nesta said softly. “What did she say, Eira?”
"She figured out who I was after I told her my first name...and then she said that Azriel is fond of me but he is fonder of Elain..and that it's too bad that she is mated to another," Eira blurted out, her voice shaky. "He didn't tell her...He didn't tell her that our…that the mating bond had snapped." She could feel the tears burn in her eyes.
"Oh, Eira," Feyre breathed, sounding heartbroken for her.
"I am going to fucking kill him," Nesta muttered.
“Get in line,” Feyre grumbled, and Eira could just feel the scowl her friend was shooting at Azriel in her head.
She swallowed again, feeling the guilt and the shame and the hurt and the….everything, rising up in her chest.
She didn’t want to be upset at this. Didn’t want to feel like…like she had a claim over Azriel, but she couldn’t help the painful pang in her chest at the words Esmeray had said.
Too bad that Elain is mated to another…
He is fonder of Elain…
Those words, they just hurt. They burned. And she felt so...helpless.
And the thought that he hadn’t told his mother about their mating bond…it just made the pain even worse.
"Azriel...he said…when he asked me to court…he said that Elain was the pretty one but I was the kind one," Eira choked out. "He wanted her. I am just...I am just a consolation prize to him, aren't I?"
For a moment it was silent.
"First of all," Feyre said firmly, giving her shoulder a gentle squeeze. "You are not a consolation prize. Don't ever let me hear you say that again, alright? You are not a consolation prize, you are a treasure ."
"Second," she continued, her voice growing cold. "He is an idiot. Who the hell tells you that? Why would he say that?"
Eira shrugged, feeling her eyes burn.
She didn't know. She didn't understand why he would say that. Why he had said any of what he had said?
But she knew that...part of her, part of her hoped that he had meant it in an endearing way. That he had called her kind because he liked that about her.
"I thought...I thought just having him could be enough," she whispered. "But how am I supposed to live my whole life knowing that he would be happier if he was mated to Elain? To be compared to her day, after day, and found lacking?"
"For Fuck's sake, Eira!" Nesta snapped.
"He only wants me because of the bond. And maybe because of the vision he saw...he wants the babies we would have together, but he doesn't want me," she choked out. "Every other female would suffice as well."
"Stop that. You know that's not true," Feyre said firmly, wrapping an arm around Eira's shoulders again. "He cares about you; I've seen it for myself."
Eira choked on a bitter laugh. "What does it matter," she whimpered. "He might care...but Elain is still what he wants. Nothing will change that...not even the Mating Bond."
"Azriel...he's an idiot," Nesra agreed angrily. "A complete idiot who can't see that you...you're right in front of him. Yeah, Elain may be the most beautiful out of us all, but she’s clearly bone deep ugly, if she…she tried to keep your babies from you?” Nesta asked and Eira just nodded, tears pouring out of her eyes.
“A girl,” she choked out. “A girl. Azriel’s wings but my hair. We looked so happy in that stupid vision. And I was pregnant again.”
Feyre’s mouth fell open as she stared at Eira in shock, while Nesta’s eyes hardened furiously. “She...really…” Feyre’s voice trailed off, sounding heartbroken.
Nesta let out a loud, furious snarl. “She’s a monster . Elain is a monster ,” she spat, her hands forming into fists.
“She…she tried to keep my babies from me,” Eira repeated, tears dripping down her cheeks. “Azriel and I…looking happy…and...and now...I..."
She had to pause, the tears making it impossible for her to continue.
Both Feyre and Nesta wrapped their arms around her, hugging her tightly.
“It’s not fair,” she choked out. “It’s not fair. I saw us. I saw how happy we were…”
It was as clear as day in her memory. That vision of them in that garden, of Azriel kissing her, of the little girl being hoisted up in the air by him…
Eira had looked so happy. Everything had been so perfect, so right…it had almost made her dizzy. It had been everything she had ever wanted.
Only to have it ripped away. To know that she’d had a chance at happiness, a chance at…of a family, of everything that she had always wanted…only to have it ripped away so cruelly…
It hurt. It hurt more than anything she’d ever felt in her entire life.
"It's not fair," she mumbled hopelessly, burying her face against Feyre's shoulder, tears streaming down her cheeks. "It's not fair...He wouldn’t have even cared…he wouldn’t have even…looked in my direction…if the bond hadn’t snapped…he wouldn’t even have looked at me…”
Don't cry, the shadows whispered, coming to wrap around her hands. Don't cry. Master was an utter fool. Blinded by a pretty face. But he does care about you.
She let out a sob, feeling more of the shadows slide up her arms to wrap around her.
She didn’t know that. Azriel cared…but it didn’t change how he felt about Elain. It didn’t change that he didn’t care for her, for Eira. He only…he only wanted her because of the bond.
He only felt responsible for her because they were mates. All the...feelings...he had towards her...were all just because of the bond.
The shadows only continued to coil around her as she wept silently into Feyre’s shoulder, her heart aching.
She had known from the beginning that Azriel didn’t care for her beyond the bond.
But...until she had heard what Esmeray had said, and learned that he hadn’t told her the truth, she’d still had some tiny part of hope. Some small, stupid part of her that had clung to the hope that maybe, maybe, he would start to feel for her the same way that she felt for him.
"I loved him from the moment I saw him. I looked at him and it was...it was like coming home," she choked out.
“Of course you did,” Feyre said softly, gently stroking her hair as the tears continued to fall. “Of course you did…”
Nesta said nothing, the only sound that escaped her was a low, furious huff.
"I am really going to kill him," she hissed.
“Save some for me,” Feyre grumbled as she held Eira fiercely, her free hand rubbing soothing circles into her back.
His Mother had words for Master, the shadows said quietly, coiling themselves into her hair. He's brooding.
“Good,” Nesta said firmly. “I hope he’s miserable.”
“Nes,” Feyre said quietly, giving her sister a gentle nudge.
“What?!” Nesta said, scowling. “Seriously, he deserves it.”
Eira couldn’t help the tiny part of her that felt bad for him…that felt guilty thinking about him being miserable.
She knew Azriel didn’t love her, and didn’t feel the same way, but…a part of her cared about him. She didn’t want him to be miserable.
"Why is he brooding?" she asked quietly.
The shadows hummed again, making a soft whispering sound before they spoke again.
His Mother told him he was an idiot.
"She did?" Feyre perked up in surprise, while Nesta’s mouth curled into a satisfied smirk.
Yes, the shadows confirmed, coiling themselves into Eira’s hair like a strange, sentient snake.
It made something warm stir in Eira’s chest, imagining Esmeray calling Azriel an idiot to his face. Master realised that he hasn't been doing right to you...Not with the courting and not with...anything else.
The words made more tears burn in Eira’s eyes, while Feyre shifted to give her a gentle hug.
“He’s realising, huh?” she grumbled. “That he’s been screwing up?”
Yes. The shadows coiled a little tighter around her, almost as if they were trying to comfort her. It made her heart ache in a different way, feeling warm and painful at the same time.
Will you talk to him? the shadows asked softly. Let him apologise?
She was upset, she was hurt. She didn’t want to talk to him. She wanted to avoid him and forget this whole mess even happened.
But the shadows...they wanted her to talk to him. They…wanted her to let him apologize.
Another wave of guilt and shame washed over her.
Azriel had done…nothing wrong. He hadn’t done anything wrong, he merely didn’t…care towards her.
He wanted the bond, he wanted the comfort, he wanted a mate, he just…he just didn’t want her .
The thought made a fresh wave of tears fill her eyes, which she promptly buried against Feyre’s shoulder.
Feyre hugged her tightly, while Nesta gently rubbed her back as the shadows continued to coil themselves around her. “It’s alright,” Feyre whispered soothingly, as more shadows drifted down to comfort her. “It’s going to be alright.”
The shadows continued to hum and shift, wrapping themselves around her like a protective, comforting blanket. It was somewhat soothing, the sensation of their coolness, the feel of them wrapping around her, almost like they were trying to tell her it would be alright.
Master has a lot to say to you, the shadows spoke up again. Please, just listen to him, Eira.
So she just nodded.
Thank you.
The shadows hummed again, coiling a little tighter around her, and it was almost as if she could feel a sort of pleasure coming from them that she had agreed to talk to Azriel, to listen to whatever he had to say.
"But they'll stay," she choked out, pulling Nesta's hand tight around herself.
“Of course,” Feyre said instantly, wrapping her arms around her as well. “We’ll both stay. We’re not going anywhere.”
“Damn right,” Nesta said, tightening her grip as well. “I may need to restrain myself from knocking any sense into him.”
In any other situation, Eira may have laughed at that, but instead, all she did was give a shaky nod, letting herself be pulled in tight by her sisters.
The gesture was comfort, the feel of them around her reassuring and warm, even as her heart ached in her chest.
A few seconds later, the door opened slowly, and Azriel walked into the room.
Every bit of his usually impassive, stoic demeanour was gone, replaced by a look of anxiety and worry. Eira could see the tension in his shoulders, and the way his hands were clenched into fists.
He stopped a few meters away from them, his gaze locking on Eira instantly.
She could feel his eyes raking over her, like a physical caress, taking in the sight of her clearly tear-stained face. The way her hands were being clutched by Feyre and Nesta.
He looked desperate like he wanted to walk over and touch her, but one glimpse at the way Feyre and Nesta had her wrapped in their arms had him hesitating.
"How...how are you feeling?" he asked her, and she could see his throat bob as he swallowed.
“How do you think she is, you idiot?” Nesta snapped, her voice low and cutting.
Azriel didn't pay any attention to her, his gaze firmly locked on Eira, staring at her as if he was waiting for her to say something.
And Eira…she had no idea what to say. She had absolutely no idea.
She sat there silently, letting words and thoughts and questions swirl in her mind, but saying nothing. And it only seemed to make the tension in Azriel’s shoulders grow even more, the worry in his gaze deepened.
“Eira…” he breathed out, his voice soft and raw, and she could see his hands twitch like he wanted to reach for her. “Can…can we talk?”
Both Feyre and Nesta tensed, their grip on her tightening.
"You can talk. She will listen," Nesta said, her voice icy. "And then she can decide if she wants to take pity on you, or if she never wants to see you again. Did you seriously tell my sister that Elain was prettier than her in the same breath as you asked to court her?!?"
Azriel closed his eyes, looking pained at that, and she could see his shoulders slump. But he didn’t deny it, didn’t try to defend himself, and Eira just…felt her heart ache even more.
"I was an idiot," he said quietly, his voice low and thick. "I…I was a fool."
He sounded so miserable when he said that, and something in Eira just…wanted to tell him to stop, to tell him that this was hurting her more than he seemed to comprehend…but she just sat there, saying nothing, letting the tears still fall silently down her cheeks.
Azriel took a few steps closer, his gaze still firmly fixed on her. He looked miserable, like a wounded animal, like he was in pain.
And a small part of her…a small, stupid part of her wanted to reach out to him. Wanted to tell him it was going to be alright, to hug him and tell him she wasn’t angry.
But it wasn’t going to be alright, and she was angry. So she said nothing.
The silence seemed to drag on, the tension rising thicker in the room. The two sisters held her tighter still, their hands clenched around her, their own gazes fixed on Azriel, shooting glares at him.
It made him look even more miserable, and she could see him taking another cautious step forward.
“Eira…” he tried again, his voice so soft and pleading. “Please, please say something…”
The silence seemed to drag on, the tension rising thicker in the room. The two sisters held her tighter still, their hands clenched around her, their own gazes fixed on Azriel, shooting glares at him.
It made him look even more miserable, and she could see him taking another cautious step forwards.
“Eira…” he tried again, his voice so soft and pleading. “Please, please say something…”
"What do you want me to say, Azriel?" she asked, her voice weak. She wanted to scream and shout but she didn't have it in herself.
"What do you want me to say? Do you want me to talk about how your mother had absolutely no clue that we are mates ? How she told me that you were fond of me but fonder of Elain? How it was just too bad that Elain was mated to another male?!"
She could see his body go tense at that, his eyes widening.
It hurt her, to see the realization and pain slowly spreading over his face. He knew what she had gone through, what she had to hear, the truth that his mother had revealed.
But he didn’t understand. He had absolutely no idea just how much all that had hurt her.
"I thought I was alright with it. I thought I could live with it. I could live with the fact that you didn't actually want me. That you wanted the life that vision promised you...that you were in love with my twin sister and not with me."
The words stung both Azriel and her.
She could see him shifting, and hear a low, pained sound leaving his lips. She could see something in his expression…a pain and hurt so deep she couldn’t even find the words to describe it.
"You…you think I don't want you...?" he breathed out, his voice so low she almost didn't hear it.
"You don't want me," Eira choked out. "You wanted Elain. And before that, you wanted Morrigan. And then Elain's vision promised you me and you go along with it, because of the mating bond."
Azriel flinched at that like each word was a physical blow. He looked sick, the misery on his face growing with each statement.
And a part of her was satisfied, seeing him look like that, seeing him look in pain. It was what he deserved after everything that he had done.
But the other part of her…the other part of her ached and bled at every expression of pain on his face.
The silence again continued to drag on, the air still and tense with the heavy atmosphere between the two of them.
He hadn’t denied it, she knew he hadn’t denied it. He hadn’t said that she was wrong, that she was wrong in thinking the only reason he pursued her was because of the bond.
The thought made her eyes sting, tears brimming and overflowing. Her heart ached, hurt, felt like it was bleeding.
"I am sorry," he whispered. "I am so sorry, Eira."
The words stung, just as much as they gave her hope.
Her heart was aching in her chest, tears still falling slowly down her cheeks. Her shoulders trembled, and she took in a few shaky breaths.
She had been hurt by him. He had never even considered her before the bond had snapped. And he hadn’t denied it when she had called him out on it.
And still, she wanted him to fix this. Wanted him to find some way to fix this.
"I am not...I am not going and try to defend myself," he whispered. "I am not going and lie to you. And yes, Eira. I did see that vision and I felt that Mating Bond and I did want to pursue you. Because I want that future. I want that future with you."
She wanted that future with him as well, she longed for it, but she wanted him to come to her because he wanted her. Because he desired her, the vision be damned.
But instead, she came second fiddle to an image in a vision. Instead, she came last to Elain and Mor.
"And I went about it wrong," Azriel continued. "I should have...I should have actually made the effort to get to know you, Eira. I should have talked to you. I should have asked what you wanted. I should have asked for your favourite colour. And I should have..."
He trailed off, the words leaving him in a choked gasp. Eira could see the misery on his face, the suffering.
He looked completely miserable, his hands clenching into fists, his shoulders hunched and tensed, but he kept on going, his voice thick and low in his throat.
"I should have cared. I should have seen you. I should have noticed you."
"And I can't change it. I can't change what I did know. I fucked up, Eira. I fucked up so badly, that you have every reason and every right not to want to see me for centuries."
The words stung, and Eira just…she ached.
She ached, she hurt, and everything inside her had tears welling. She ached because…she wanted to forgive him. She wanted to give him a second chance.
But the thought of being second rate again, of being the last choice…it hurt.
But…she couldn’t tear her gaze away from him, either. Couldn’t look away from the sight of how miserable he was, how distressed and in pain.
It hurt, it hurt so badly…but a part of her just wanted to hug him, to reassure him…Azriel took another few steps towards her, his eyes fixed on hers. He looked so wretched, his eyes pained, his whole body shaking as if it was taking him a monumental effort to remain standing there. To force himself to remain standing so close to her, to keep looking at her.
He was still a good few meters away from her, but the expression on his face, the look in his eyes…
It was like he was in agony.
She could see his hands clenching into fists, and could hear him taking a shaky breath.
"You…you don’t have to forgive me, or even want to talk to me again," he said, and she could hear how hard it was for him to form those words.
It hurt…it hurt seeing him look so miserable, looking like he was in pain. And it hurt because she wanted him. She still wanted him.
And the fact that it hurt was what got to her, what finally made her move. She shoved off Feyre and Nesta, who were still holding her, both of them looking startled.
They protested, clearly wanting to hold her back, but Eira pushed her way through, walking towards him.
Azriel hadn’t moved, his body going tense, his eyes going wide as she approached him.
And she hated that part of herself. She hated how much she still wanted him, despite everything that had happened. How much she ached for him, in ways that should be impossible.
It was a sharp, dull ache, a desperate and constant pain, a desire to reach out to him, to pull him closer, and at the same time, shove him as far away as possible.
She wanted to shove him away, push him further away. She wanted to tell him to suffer, to hurt the way she was hurting.
But at the same time…she wanted to pull him closer. To feel his skin against hers, under her fingertips. To feel his arms around her, holding her tight, his lips against her skin.
It was maddening. He was maddening.
“I am sorry,” he said, the truth flowing like clear spring water from his words. “I am so sorry. And I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you.”
His words…she wanted to believe them. Wanted to believe that he was being sincere, that he truly was sorry, that he wanted to make it up to her.
And a small, naive, foolish, hopeful part of her, the part that was desperate and hopeful and greedy, did believe him. Wanted to latch onto the words, to hold them tight and not let go.
“I want to get to know you. I want to learn your favourite colour and your favourite place in Velaris. I want..”
He paused, taking a shaky breath. His eyes were still fixed on hers, pleading and desperate and aching, his entire body practically aching with the need to come closer.
“I want to learn everything there is to know about you. I want to learn about your smile and your laugh and your tears. I want to be with you, Eira.”
The words…they were everything that she wanted to hear. Everything that she had wished he would tell her, and more. They felt like a caress, like a gentle breeze, a soft comfort. And they hurt.
They hurt because she wanted to believe him, wanted to reach out and hold him close. Wanted to forgive him and let herself be close to him in the way she longed for.
“I want to be with you,” he repeated, his words a choked gasp. “I want to court you. I want to mate you. I want to…I want…”
He trailed off, choking on the words, taking another deep breath. His body was shaking, his shoulders tense, his expression aching with the effort of it all.
He looked in pain, so utterly hurt, like every word out of his mouth was agony. But he was still talking, still trying to get out the words, trying to make her understand.
“I want to spend every waking moment of my day with you,” he continued, his tone so raw and open and aching. “I want to wake up with you and go to sleep with you. I want to hear your voice and see your face every damn day.”
“I’ll do better, I’ll be better,“ he whispered.
He sounded so desperate, his voice thick and raw and pleading. It was like he was being ripped apart from the inside like he was in physical pain.
And Eira…she couldn’t help it.
She couldn’t help but believe his words, couldn’t help but let her stubborn, foolish heart hope.
“Please,” he continued, his voice breaking. “Please, please give me a second chance. I’ll…”
Another breath, another choked gasp. His shoulders hunched, his fists clenching tighter.
“I’ll do anything, just please give me a second chance. Give me the chance to right this. Give me the chance to prove to you…prove to you how much I want you. Just…give me another chance.”
His voice was so raw, so open, the look in his eyes pure pleading. He looked like he was ready to beg, ready to do anything for her. Anything to give him another chance.
And her heart, her foolish, stupid, hopeless heart…the part that wanted to hold onto him, to forgive him, to give him that chance ached.
She still hurt, still ached, the words from his mother still so fresh in her mind. The thought of being second, of being his last choice…it was a sharp blow against her.
But at the same time, she couldn’t stop the part of her that wanted to hold onto him. That longed for just a chance, just a moment where he was hers, where she was first and last and everything in his heart.
Azriel looked ready to continue, but he stopped when he saw the look on her face, her conflicting emotions warring inside her chest.
He closed his eyes, his shoulders dropping. He was probably expecting her to say no, to turn him down. He probably expected her to…
To do the sensible, rational thing. But sensibility and rationality were the last things she was feeling right now.
Her heart was aching, her body trembling, her emotions a swirl of conflicting feelings. Her mind was screaming at her, telling her just how idiotic she was for considering this.
And at the same time, her heart was yearning, longing for him. Wanting to grab onto him and never let go.
Azriel’s entire body was shaking, his eyes still closed, looking like he was bracing himself for her answer, for the words he expected her to say.
The words she should say, the words that would send him away, that would make her turn and walk away.
And yet…she found herself taking a step closer towards him. And then another.
She wasn’t even sure why she was doing it, why her body was moving before she even knew it, her mind screaming at her to stop and turn around and walk away.
But she kept moving towards him, each step sending a strange, giddy rush shooting through her, her heart aching and fluttering at the same time.
And she stopped in front of him, less than a foot of space separating them, her eyes fixed on his.
Azriel still hadn’t opened his eyes, his face tense and taut as if waiting for the blow to come.
But the blow never came.
Because Eira reached out, her fingers trembling as she reached up to touch his cheek.
Azriel's entire body jerked as if he had been struck, a gasp leaving his mouth. His eyes flew open, shock and surprise clear on his face.
But he didn’t move, didn't pull away or even flinch as her fingers made contact with his skin.
He just stood there, frozen as he stared at her.
Her hand trembled, her throat tight as she felt the warmth of his skin. His face was tense, his breath catching with every moment her fingers remained against his skin, like he was fighting the urge to turn his head and press his lips to her skin.
“Eira,” he breathed out, the word a whispered plea, a prayer. And then he seemed to realize he had moved, was on the edge of reaching out to her in turn.
But he caught himself, his hands hanging at his sides. He was holding himself back, holding himself from reaching for her…
And somehow, that made her even more determined, her decision stronger.
She wanted him to reach for her, wanted his hands on her skin, wanted him to hold her close and never let go.
She slid her hand along his cheek, her palm caressing his jaw. And she stepped even closer, closing the very last bit of distance between them.
They were so close, her body almost pressed flush against him. He was so warm, his body burning, and so large, like a rock, unflinching and steady against her.
She could feel him trembling, just barely holding himself back from wrapping his arms around her. His eyes were fixed on hers, longing and pleading and aching.
Her breath caught when she realized how closely she was pressed against him, how only a fraction of distance separated their bodies. She could practically feel his racing heart under her skin, hear every quick and desperate breath leaving his mouth.
He was breathing fast, ragged and sharp, every little inhale shuddering from his lips like a gasp. He looked like he was about to snap, his entire body visibly trembling like a taut thread on the edge of snapping.
“Don’t do it again,” she said softly. “I won’t…I won’t be able to go through it a second time.”
Her words seemed to hit him like a physical blow, his breath hitching in his chest. She could see the pain that flared on his face at her words.
“I-I won’t. I swear,” he responded, and his voice was so gentle, like he was talking to a wounded bird. “I swear on my life, I’ll never let you go through that again.”
He was holding himself back, every muscle and sinew in his body tense with the effort of it. It was like he was fighting the urge to pull her flush against him, to wrap his arms around her and hold her tight.
“I swear, Eira,” he repeated, his voice a low and achingly sincere promise. “I swear I’ll be better. I’ll be everything you need, anything you want.”
“The only thing I want is for you to be yourself. I want you. All of you.”
A choked gasp left his mouth, his eyes going wide. He looked almost stunned like he couldn’t quite process what she had said.
“I…you want me?” he asked, his voice rough and raw, filled with disbelief.
She nodded, her heart hammering in her chest. “Yes. I want you,” she confirmed, her voice firm and unwavering.
The words had a strange effect on him. It was like they had knocked the air from his lungs, leaving him looking completely awed and shocked.
He took another shuddering breath, his body trembling as he stared down at her. “You…you really still want me?” he asked his voice barely a whisper.
And just like that, the dam broke inside him. He reached out, pulling her flush against his body, his arms wrapping tight around her.
His head dropped to her shoulder, his body shuddering as he pressed his face against the crook of her neck. “I’ll do better,” he whispered, his voice ragged and raw and desperate. “I’ll be better. I’ll be the male you deserve. I promise.”
His body was shaking against hers, holding her tight like he was afraid she would disappear. He was breathing fast, hard and frantic, his chest rising and falling against her body frantically.
She could feel him shaking like a leaf, every muscle in his body taut and tense as he held her tight but oh so gently. And under that, she could feel his racing heart, beating so fast and intense that it was dizzying.
“I’ll be everything you need,” Azriel repeated, his lips moving against her skin, his words spoken in a low, ragged whisper. “I’ll be your male, your mate. I’ll never leave you, never hurt you or let you down again. I swear it, Eira, I swear it on my life.”
His fingers were digging into her skin, clinging to her so tightly that she could feel the slight, sharp pressure of his hands against her like he was trying to hold her to him, keep her as close as possible.
He was holding her so tightly that it should have hurt, but it only felt good. It felt like a comfort, a reassurance like he would never let her go.
#acotar fanfiction#azriel x oc#azriel x reader#azriel fanfiction#azriel fanfic#Azriel x Archeron!Reader#the prophecy#Looked to the sky
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The only important thing about the Kui interview (link in notes because tumblr) actually:
"KUI: Actually, there's no real-life model or reference for that dress. I just combined the clothes that Marcille's mother liked and also combined that with the hood, which was considered a little bit childish."
You know I spent an inordinate amount of time wondering why the hell the Winged Lion put Marcellina in that outfit. We don't see him do that for any other Dungeon Lord.
The reason HE gives is that it's an outfit that "makes you brave" but like that's clearly bullshit. The people around Marcella make fun of it and Kui later in this interview confirms that its not because it looks bad but because its something *she* would never pick herself. So why?
My best guess was an attempt at isolating her. If her friends see her so physically changed they might assume she is beyond saving.
But, going after what Kui says here, the actual reason is subtler and more insidious.
Its an attempt at undermining her and making her feel insecure.
The earmuff hood is associated with children in elven culture and there is NO WAY the demon does not know this. It's an infantilising decision. The lack of shoes is also something associated with children in general.
Picking a colour and shape that reminds Marcella of her mother is a way to remind her of her trauma. We see her mom wearing a somewhat similar black grieving dress when she gives Marcille the speech about going faster than everyone else, at her father's funeral.
Also, while we see Marcille wear black clothes postcanon, nothing she wears is ever as tight-fitting and revealing as that dress is. It's something out of her usual style.
The Lion wants to make it so that when Marcille glances in the mirror she sees a small child wearing her mother's ill-fitting clothes.
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⚠️ In regards to the natlan controversy (and Sumeru by proxy)
Do NOT accuse people of being racist just because your skin colour cannot be found in a game. Learn to know that people don't live in the same situation as you.
Please read this fully for the reality of things I'm sorry for getting political, skip if you don't want to interact
I’m kinda sad at the fact that a lot of people are quick to hate, judge, and scrutinise Hoyo without understanding the situation.
With recent teaser of Natlan characters, people are rightfully upset at the fact that the characters shown to hail from Natlan… don’t exactly look the part. With characters lighter than my own skin tone (I’m a Chinese Southeast Asian by the way, heya) people are calling hoyo bullshit and accusing them of being a racist for failing time and time again at giving us characters with POC shades of skin. Now I’m not here to defend Mihoyo for their actions, or to tell you to stop being mad at the situation being the way they are. No, I’m here to shed you some light of how life is as a game company under the rule of the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) and Xin Jin Ping (XJP cause I won’t be bothered to type his whole ass name)
I've highlighted points of each section
Any pages that requires translations, I recommend using DeepL instead of google translate because you can check the meanings of specific words and it's translation are better (imo)
Skip to the last part if you just want a summarised version
Before we get into the nitty gritty that is Genshin drama, I'll give you a run-down on what and how China works.
check the part "In relation to Genshin's design choices and how China's beauty standard influences it" if you want to go straight on to the point
People’s Republic of China
is a Unitary Marxist–Leninist one-party socialist republic. This means that China is under a one-party (Chinese Communist Party) rule with communism ideology on how they rule and govern the country and socialist standards for how they manage their economy and everything else. [.]
The CCP holds a very nationalistic view
[.] which is commonly used as propaganda [.] for them to garner either sympathy or control over the people of China. These nationalistic view, in its raw and most rudest form, simply states that Chinese people are pure by upholding traditional Chinese culture (that's not even traditionally Chinese, more or less more catered towards communism and the CCP's ideologies which are that they're great and everyone else is wrong) and not mixing themselves or tainting themselves with things that are not pure (i.e. anything that isn't Chinese, from China, belongs to China) This nationalistic views, which glorifies China and detests anything foreign (i.e. culture, language, people, etc.) have led to a lot of xenophobia being built and nurtured inside of China's society [1] [2] [3]
Aside from the CCP's nationalistic views,
China's society is very censored and monitored by the CCP
[.] Google, YouTube, or more specifically, the internet itself is heavily banned by the government, electing the people to use the CCP's private internet that allows them to be monitored 24/7 through IP location and private information. [1] [2] [3] [4] Aside from heavily monitored and controlled internet access, people in the real world are also actively being watched and monitored through CCTV with facial recognition features and an AI that can predict people's action (yes, exactly like the akasha, and yes, Sumeru arc is based on reality, I won't talk about it here but feel free to read between the lines and compare it with the sources and news articles I'm about to drop on you) [1] [2. Behind paywall] [3] [4] [5]
With its censorship in mind, let us talk about what brings us all here:
the gaming censorship in China.
In order for a game to be published in China, whether it's made by an indie or a multi-billion dollar company, the game has to go through a complicated preliminary test made and assigned by the CCP to play, test, and go through your game before publishing it anywhere in Chinese media [.] This test includes you company's paperwork, your game's paperwork, the things you're displaying in your game, and the story it's trying to tell. There are not that many rules on what should and should not appear inside of your game, such as: polyamory, the undead (in both graphic and non-graphic manner), etc. That should be considered tame and should cause no problem, however, we do have a problem with one of the rule given which is: Emphasizing Cultural Sensitivity.
Emphasizing Cultural Sensitivity
in the article I've mentioned before, describes it as "Games should impart “correct” information on politics, law, and history, as interpreted by the authorizing agency." Now what does "correct" information entail? Who fucking knows because truth is relative. Facts, when in the eyes of the CCP, are relative to what they believe is to be right and what they want us to believe is right.
Now with that out of the way, let us get into the main deal.
MiHoYo
(not to be confused with Hoyoverse/Cognosphere which is their international branch) is a is a Chinese video game development and publishing company, founded by three classmates from university Cai Haoyu, Liu Wei, and Luo Yuhao [.] That means that Genshin Impact's development, ever since it was at its infancy, first-established days, and updates until the near future, are all subjected onto that game censorship law that I mentioned earlier. Now you might all be wondering, what does all of those rules have to do with genshin characters having dark skins? To that I point you towards the fact that MiHoYo and the CCP are and have been actively working together ever since around September 2021. [1] [2]
Cooperation between MiHoYo and the CCP
Ever since Genshin Impact's massive hit both nationally and internationally, its massive fanbase has hit the internet no one has ever seen before. It is the first ever Chinese game that has gotten world wide acclaim and with that, new eyes begin to look upon China. It is no surprise to anyone that Genshin is very particular about showing and promoting Chinese culture to the outside world. Genshin has somehow become the face to Chinese culture in just a year, with limited events such as Lantern Rite and Moonchase festival to showcase China's cultural beauty. With world-wide acclaim comes a price, wherein the CCP no longer treats Genshin as "another game" but a tool that they can use to promote and advertise themselves into the global population.
Begin the censorship and micro-manipulation of things in Genshin
New gaming censorship dropped after the Genshin Impact became a hit in the industry, with even Venti and Gorou as examples of characters that should not appear in media published in China (effeminate man) [.] In additional to the list I've linked in the "the gaming censorship in China" section, a lot more additional rules have been added to that list, such as: queer representation, morally grey character, but I what I want you to look at more is the section where "historical elements, including characters, maps and clothing, should conform with mainstream accounts." in addition to that, a self-regulation pact was made between game companies and the CCP that bans any and all content that is deemed "politically harmful" and "historically nihilistic." Now focus more onto that "historically nihilistic" point, what does that mean?
Historical nihilism
is a term used by the CCP and many Chinese scholars to describe research or discussions deemed to contradict an official state version of history in a manner perceived to question or challenge the legitimacy of the CCP [.] TLDR; it's a term used for when what you're saying clashes or goes against what the CCP said. Why is this important you may ask? It's because that now, at this point, if anything Genshin does something—whether that'd be plotline, design etc.—that the CCP thinks shouldn't exist or be represented, they have the lawful right to block or stop it from reaching the final product. Now this, this is what happened to Genshin's Sumeru and Natlan cast.
In relation to Genshin's design choices and how China's beauty standard influences it
white has always been a predominant part of modern Chinese beauty culture, for some reason (I don't know and I'm not going to go that deep into it, research it on your own if you're curious) In fact, it's not only China but also Asian culture in general. White skin has always been hailed as pure and beautiful here in Asia, where the line "as pale as the moon" is a common compliment to give to someone. Skin colour that are tan or even darker are connected to being dirty or stinky. Despite the younger generation not really adhering to that view, the older generation (calling out the CCP here) upholds that standard till this day. Pin straight hair, round eyes, pale white skin, and a thin figure are the standards put upon those born as female. Their male counterpart are not that different, with lean and fit being the preferred body type rather than big muscles or bulky forms.
The reason behind why this is the case is because of Asia's strict social code in rules and appearances. We must appear prim and clean, that means no dyed hair, no tattoos, no piercings, and minimal make-up. Anyone that goes against those rules are regarded as delinquents or deviants that usually break the rules and do criminal activities (despite it not being the case) Having a bulky stature also applies to that list, regardless of what gender you are, and especially for men. You're regarded as dangerous, criminal, bad influence if you look like that in public (this is why we don't have that much bulky characters gang and why we were robbed of heavy muscles Itto orz) (he deffo was very bulky in the original design, probably similar to the Nobushi but it got nerfed in final product)
Given all of that in mind, it's no wonder that Sumeru's and and Natlan's casts are mostly white... but were they always that way?
The original skin colour design for Natlan cast might've been darker than what we have in the final product.
As a lot of people have mentioned (especially with the many beautiful edits I'm very fond of) the character designs for Natlan's new up-coming rosters looks better with darker skin tone. Take for examples this edit right here:
taken from @ rarepairz on twitter [source]
Their designs (with darker skin tones) seem to pop more, giving highlights onto their clothes and accessories in comparison to the original design. Here are more examples of this happening:
taken from @ Wabs_nabs on twitter [source]
It is especially clear to anyone with basic colour theory that the colour used for designing the clothes and accessories and highlights in the hair look better with darker skin colour. There is *intent* on making it this way in comparison to woeful ignorance of making them look white as hell. If they were to intentionally to make the characters look white, they would've chosen a better colour for the clothes, less bolder ones and eye-popping ones to contrast with the already luminescent light that's emitting from the skin.
And this is not the case for only Natlan, by the way! The same thing happened when the Sumeru cast was first leaked. Case in point this:
taken from @ animuswonder on twitter [source]
and my personal art of Cyno and Nari:
Look at how much contrast there is between their colour palette or how much resonance there is, with Cyno his more cold-colour attire and hair, in comparison to his deep dark warm skin or Tighnari that's the epitome of a "spring girl" like come on man. There's INTENT in those designs, to have more darker shades than they are in the game. Sadly, they just can't do it due to censorships. Why? Because, as I have mentioned before, darker shades of skin are represented as dirt here in Asia as we glorify pale skin more.
The representation of uniqueness and differences in Chinese game is not common due the fact that most Asian countries are homogenous, which means they prefer everyone and everything to be the same, to look the same, and follow and do the same things. They do not advocate for uniqueness, they do not advocate for individuality, they advocate for us to conform and to follow like a sheep in a herd. Because of that, most people spend their whole life trying to whiten up their skin, keeping them light, and those who are darker than most are shown prejudiced and scrutinised.
Mentioning again the fact that MiHoYo and the CCP are working closely together, Genshin Impact is currently being used as a cultural weapon by the government. With MiHoYo showing numerous time that they've donate and support Chinese cultural heritage, the CCP is using that fact and holding control over Genshin as a way to promote and advertise sympathy towards Chinese culture and the Communist regime by proxy. It's like how your parents are getting you to eat broccoli brownies in hopes that you'd eat normal broccolis and other vegetables by proxy. Everything and anything that Genshin shows in its game are now under close inspections of the CCP and colourism especially will not fly-by their radar.
In conclusion
Your anger and hatred towards the new characters’ designs are justified, however the person you aim those anger and hatred should not be towards Mihoyo, or Liu Wei, or any of the staff members but towards the situation and the laws and the local government MiHoYo has to adhere to.
We're already lucky to have MiHoYo even wanting to represent and shpw different cultures from different parts of the world, telling us engaging stories, and incentivising us to think more and to be be more of us instead of following the crowd and to judge those in power (if you are literate and have the ability of a 6th grader, you know the theme Genshin Impact is showing in its story). In a world where they aren't able to live as freely as people outside of mainland do, they shouldn't have to put their life at risk by creating a game that goes against the CCP's laws that will lead to a deduction to their social points (yes, those actually exist, WAKE UP). Yet they do, they update every month, telling stories, creating characters with many characteristics that goes against Chinese gaming laws, just for us to enjoy.
Do NOT accuse people of being racist just because your skin colour cannot be found in a game. Learn to know that people don't live in the same situation as you.
You are right to be mad, you are right to be upset, but do not condemn them for something they hold no power to. It's between their lives and your fantasies and if you choose to value your delusion over their livelihood then that just shows what kind of a person you are.
Where's this conviction towards other game companies aside from MiHoYo? Where's the rightful air when it comes to companies that breathe much fresher air? Do they not have the same responsibility? Or is it because you actually do not care and merely want to point your unbridled emotions towards something or someone? If so, you're pointing at the wrong person.
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There is Something Seriously Wrong with this Logo..... Chapter Two
So. Lots of you have seen this post by my dear partner ( @lailau7904 ) in which the Williams F1 design team get absolutely torn to bits. In the case you haven't read it yet I highly recommend you do because a) it's really fucking funny and b) it makes what I'm about to tell you even funnier. Though you don't have to, this post touches on entirely different things still regarding this one goddamn logo.
The original post starts like this:
Innocent enough, we made an assumption in good faith that the logo displayed on the Wikipedia page would be the same one as the official version used by Williams. Buckle the fuck up because I'm about to tell you why that was the worst mistake we could have made.
Please. Please I beg of you keep reading this took YEARS off our lifespans. Like the original post was fun and all but it was merely the top of the iceberg. If this were an hbomberguy video this would be the part where he reveals that the background was a greenscreen the whole time. More below the cut!!! :333
The Truth
Already after only a few hours after hitting "post" on the dissection, people started pointing out to us that we'd missed an absolutely crucial detail on the Wikimedia page we got the logo from, pay careful attention:
See THIS?
Yeah this means that that image is not, and never was, the official logo of Williams. All along it had been the work of a Wikipedia user by the name of Juanchocarbonero. Here you can even see the (admittedly painful) history of the file as provided by Wikimedia, this image was uploaded all the way back in 2016, it even underwent an update when the team changed their colour scheme to a lighter blue without getting fucking fixed.
But to me the absolutely most painful part about this page is the "File Usage" section. Which gives you a quick preview of just how deep the goddamn disease that is this piece of graphic design sin really spreads.
And just to clarify: the official version of the logo used by Williams on merch etc is perfectly fine. It's a nice piece of graphic design. I still quite like it. But the story doesn't end there. Not even close.
Consequences
When you look up "williams logo" on Google the image provided by Wikimedia the very first result that pops up, if you're looking for a high-quality .png of this logo that, logically, is what you'll end up using. And I mean, why wouldn't you? What reason do you have not to use it? As long as you don't look to close (oops) it's a perfectly fine, high-definition, clean and transparent image of the logo! No shit people are going to use it!
But this raises a question: Why IS it the most widespread version of the logo? That's fucking weird isn't it? Surely if the actual logo used on ex.: the official Williams F1 website (which, again, is perfectly fucking fine) was available they would've just used that, right?
Now. Small problem. If you want you can go ahead and open whatever search engine you use, if you do that I'm gonna need you to type in "Williams logo" into the search bar, and just try finding a picture that is
of the actual official logo (you can tell the bootleg from the real thing by checking if the middle segment of the W has spiky ends or flat ones. We're looking for flat ones here)
high quality (no pixels or blurring visible to the naked eye)
a transparent png (none of that chequered background bullshit)
NOT a logo with any words (such as: Williams or Racing) visible in it. those don't count.
If you didn't feel like doing any of that, I'll just tell you the answer: you fucking can't. Nothing like that EXISTS. The closest I could get are these two, both of which are mid to ass quality, so they don't count either.
No sensible individual is going to scroll google search results for 5 minutes straight just so they can use a 200x200 image, especially when they think a perfect alternative is right there.
I even found several recoloured versions of the diseased logo, including one as a sticker on Redbubble! Fuck me that's a horrible sight!
The Search
Because I wrote the previous paragrahps after we'd figured out exactly what had happened, you might be under the impression that by this point in trying to answer the question "Why the fuck is that image on Wikipedia instead of, idk, the real fucking thing?" we'd at least established the existence of said "real Williams F1 logo". You'd be wrong, because for somewhere around 24 hours after we'd made the initial, horrifying discovery of just how fucked the Wikipedia version is, we genuinely could not tell if that was the official logo or not.
The ones displayed on their website weren't at all downloadable or even copyable, a non-ass quality of the damn thing just didn't seem to exist anywhere, so we didn't dare draw any conclusions. And we were still foolishly operating on the assumption that Wikipedia wouldn't just lie to us. (this is why your teachers hate it when you use it a source btw. like this is the ONE time it's actually been reasonable)
So, in the hopes of finding the offical Williams Racing logo, the non-scuffed one because clearly it exists, somewhere, we consulted an expert on Intellectual Property: my mother!
What this "consultation" actually roughly looked like was: we went on a walk and I started rambling about the Situation from Last Night before she cut me off and pulled up the website of the World Intellectual Property Organisation, aka the place they store all the Copyright information of like, everything.
BEHOLD:
(pictured; THE ACTUAL FUCKING LOGO I CANNOT BELIEVE IT'S EXISTED THIS WHOLE TIME)
Link to the actual real official legal document because goddamn this rabbithole just kept getting deeper so I like, have that now.
For refence, here is the official copyrighted version and the Wikimedia file overlayed on top of each other. As you can tell, it's disgusting. It's a poor, eyeballed imitation at best.
The copyrighted logo is horrifically low quality because, guess what, that image also isn't downloadable or copyable from the page. I really really cannot blame Juanchocarbonero for uploading his own version to Wikimedia because there legitimately does not exist a version of this logo that is freely available to the public. Like that goddamn abomiation is all we have. It's the effort that counts I guess.
My mother suggested that a possible reason for this could be avoiding the production of knockoff merch, or at least making it recognisable in case it is sold. Think about it, when your logo Doesn't Exist online, no one can use it without a license! It's kind of genius! I'm also about 99% sure they didn't orchestrate it so, it was good luck I guess?
interlude: How the FUCK does Copyright even work
I did immediately think to myself "we should REALLY fix the wikipedia version, like, stat" because I cannot in good conscience have this information available to me and not do anything with it, for the good of the people. However, this poses an issue: was the logo really not scuffed on purpose? Could it be that that version uploaded to Wikipedia isn't a 1:1 of the official logo because of copyrighting issues? To find out I had to look deeper, by comparing the official, website-available logos of various other F1 teams I came to conclusion that: [........................]
Yeah so I wrote that paragraph before actually checking for refences, but even after probably an hour of trying very hard to make sense of the copyright documents and copyright law in general we could not make sense of any of it. According to my mother (again, the closest we have to an expert, like she actually works with copyright in the context of companies but she's not specifically an IP expert. just to clarify) it's actually a lot worse for Wikipedia to have a falsified version of the Williams logo, than it would be to use the copyrighted version. This is because they're spreading misinformation by pretending that's the actual logo. And yet.
According to the Copyright Tag (the one on the top) in the Licensing section of the Wikimedia page for the thing pretending to be the Williams F1 logo, it's fine to use it because just a bunch of shapes. The thing is however, that it says that for pretty much every F1 team's logo, most of which are sourced straight from the official website. So this doesn't really mean anything tbh. According to our local expert (still my mother) it's fucking confusing. So I've decided to leave that at that.
update October 20th: as far as the Wikimedia pages on copyrighting tell me, uploading the official logo could, potentially, get me into serious legal trouble with Williams because of copyright laws. Which is still confusing because as said, every other team's logo is sitting uncontested on their respective Wikipedia pages. So basically we still don't know.
Okay. Backtrack. We forgot to ask something very important:
HOW?
HOW does one fuck up a perfectly fine logo THAT BAD.
WHY does one make their own scuffed tracejob and HOW does it end up like THAT. Clearly something must have gone horrifically wrong for it to end up like that.
I have a theory as to what might have happened:
It was either drawn or painted by hand, for a physical paintjob it's actually sort of impressively precise, but still objectively fucked. For a while I outright refused to believe that it could have been done in a digital program with the types of mistakes that were made, but you'll see this theory (partially) disproven later on so I retract it for now.
Operating on the assumption that it wasn't done digitally, a likely theory could be one involving a picture of scan of the paintjob. If the picture was taken at an angle or the logo itself was on a curved surface that COULD potentially explain the weird sort of slide everything has to it.
From then the picture might have been inserted into a digital art program, and the area of the logo might have been automatically selected using the magic wand tool, which could explain the weird growth at the top and that odd rounded off corner.
We also drew the conclusion that the file itself had been "tampered with" (aka cropped manually) by a human, because no computer would generate a resolution of 3356x2543 (you can that this is the original resolution on the Wikimedia page)
WAIT HOLD ON IS THAT IT?
The question of how the Fuck this guy managed to mess up the logo, and even more specifically why some edges were fine and some weren't (ant colony looking thing on the top left) bothered us so much that I at one point started just looking up "WIlliams logo" with the results filtered down to pre-2017 in an attempt to find when exactly the messed up logo was created. As if that would be any help.
Now what I definitely didn't expect to find was THIS
ENHANCE
Yes, you're seeing it right, THAT is the original 'Williams logo with the fucked up arm angles and lenghts'. Which PROVES that, contrary to our previous belief, Juancocarbonero was NOT the origin of the mistakes. Instead it was [checks notes] a DeviantArt user by the name of Nerdkid56?
The original DeviantArt post, which as of 9:47pm CET on the 13th of October 2024 I am about 90% sure is the actual first appearanace of the scuffed logo, is from May of 2015, which lines up well with the original upload date of the fucked up logo onto Wikipedia (November 2016). At the time that DeviantArt post was almost the only source for the logo.
And in the case you needed any convincing that those two logos are the same, here they are overlayed. You may notice that it's one shape (excluding the rounded corner which isn't visible at this resolution.)
This discovery is essential to understanding why the current scuffed version is the way it is. You might remember our confusion about the way some edges are fine while some are attempting to leave the image, the whole thing is a weird Frankensteinian amalgamation of vectors and magic wand mistakes. With this knowledge we can now assume that the mistakes happened in 2 layers:
Nerdkid56: likely just eyeballed the proportions. I'd guess he drew one arm before the other and flipped it around without really checking the angles. Also didn't give a shit about whether the arms lined up with the base or not. Legitimately bad design made in a digital program.
Juancocarbonero: why he used the scuffed W logo instead of the normal ones that were also perfectly accessible by 1 goddamn Google search is a mistery. HOW he even got access to it is another question I do not think we'll have answers to. And I've already explained some of the things we think may be responsible for the uneveness and bumps. Point is he fucked it up even more.
My theory for why Juanchocarbonero used the scuffed version instead of any other available picture goes like this: it was the only png he could find. Practically every other search result for "Williams Logo" that predates 2017 is a jpeg or absolute ass quality (sometimes both for good measure) so, despite it's flaws, Nedkid56's trace of it could have been the best option available at the time (the quality is actually very very good since it's a vector image, and I guess our friend Juanchocarbonero doesn't have an eye for design considering he didn't notice uhm, everything that is wrong with that model.)
Conclusion
The only way to right these wrongs is to go back, to the very beggining of this saga. Wikipedia. Williams I'm so sorry for what you've had to endure. I know what I have to do now. When I eventually make a proper vector image of the official logo and upload it to Wikimedia it'll all be over. And I WILL do it (but not rn this has already robbed me of like 3 whole days of my life. soon)
All of this is, admittedly inconsequental, but also absolutely fucking hilarious. Like imagine. you. one single guy, you make ONE mistake in a silly little "tracing this logo" project because you couldn't be arsed to check the angles of a silly little W. And some other guy, who you likely don't even know, over a whole ass year later, takes your flawed piece of design, makes it even worse somehow and uploads it to a site from which your little tiny innocent mistake becomes the most widespread version of a logo used by an actual real company worth over 700 Million US Dollars. HOW. HOW DID THAT HAPPEN. WHY HAS NO ONE FIXED THIS??? IT'S BEEN 9 YEARS
Just to give you a final look on just how widespread this plague is, here are some examples of media the fucked up version of the logo is featured in:
this Mr V's Garage video (the original reason we started this conversation in the first place)
the thumbnails of these two videos by Tommo, this one by FP1Will, and this one by RicksF1Addiction
such an amount of random places. likely fanmerch and fanart, and like, pretty much any place someone wanted to use the logo. it's everywhere. if you've ever had the Williams logo displayed in anything you've made I can guarantee you 99.9% chance you used the fucked version
and late thank you to everyone ( @bumblewyn @mid-nighttiger @vro0m @lemonsgovroom @mikraas @leclerced fucking hell I kept needing to add people to this list because compiling all of this took absurdly long) who pointed out our misconception in the reblogs of the original post and contributed to us actually looking into this further. and sorry to everyone for accidentally spreading misinformation lmao (it's too funny not to have been worth it tho) (ALSO it's not really our fault is it)
and to keep the tradition of ending on a live discord reaction:
#please please consider reblogging this if you read through considering the original post (as funny as it was) was just spreading misinfo#williams slander themselves enough already they don't need us to do that#f1#formula 1#williams#williams racing#williams f1#james vowles#williams formula 1#f1 analysis#technical#lai core#nebrain#neb50#neb100#neb200
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Did nott miss you
toxic!ex theodore nott x reader
The flashing beams of colours filled the slytherin common room that radiated the smell of alcohol and sex.Theodore was sat on the couches that his group marked as their seats that no one else was to sit at.He took a drag of the joint that was passed around his friend group,they engaged in mindless converstion of their week, but Theodore's mind and eyes were only focused on you,more specifically the fact that you were flirting with some gryffindor named Fred Weasley.His gaze burned holes into your figure that was barely covered in the short dress you wore. How fucking dare you. You were his.Not Weasley's. His. How dare you let him touch you?touch the body only he could touch?how dare you smirk at him as weasley leaned into kiss your precious lips? "If you keep staring you're going to disintegrate them both into oblivion,Nott" a voice belonging to Mattheo pulls him out of his mind. "Mind your business Riddle." his monotone voice snapped back "C'mon Theo,let the girl have fun" Astoria chimes in as she takes a seat on Draco's lap.Her words causing him to death glare her "Theo you can't seriously be jealous.You were the one that broke up with her!" Pansy argues,taking a sip of the horrid concotion of alcohol Enzo made "Bullshit,Theo has every right to be mad,shes his girl!" Enzo laughs condescendingly as the italian's eyes bore into Weasley's as he sloppily makes out with you "Fanculo questo." he angrily remarked as he slams his red solo cup on the table and storms over to you Pulling Fred of you agressively,you groan at the interuption "What the fuck,Nott?" Fred yells irritated as his makeout session with the pretty girl was cut short Fred's arguement was cut short by the Slytherin's fist colliding with his face,knocking him back "Touch her again and I'll crucio you until Merlin tells me to stop." His eyes darken,his body filled with jealousy and fury. Fred stands back up,his pretty face bloodied but he smirks "Not my fault she wanted me more,Nott" he laughs as he throws his clenched fist at your ex to which he blocks.At this time,a crowd has gathered,theodore's friends making bets on who'll win Theodore darkly grins and throws a powerful blow to the ginger's stomach,making his groan and clench the area.Theodore continues to relentlessly attack him,hitting anywhere he can before Fred collapses to the floor. A chuckle escapes Theodore's mouth "Pathetic" he looks down at the boy and spits on him
Theodore turns around and grabs your hand tightly,dragging you out of the party As you argue with him to let you go,not a single word is muttered from his mouth Looking at his face,chills are sent down your spine as you see his jaw clenched,dead eyes darkened.Your eyes trail down to his bloodied hand that is gripping yours. He drags you up the stairs to his dorm and quickly shuts the door,locking it with the Colloportus charm. You wander his room,stumbling a little but youre suddenly turned and pinned against his desk."Are you fucking dumb?" he retorted viciously As youre about to answer,he interjects, "No,youre a smart girl.So tell me why you can't understand that you're mine?" he leans in closer,his face inches apart from yours and you smell the faint smell of alcohol and weed "Youre the one who broke up with me,Nott" you argue back "Non importa, cazzo.Sei mia e lo sarai sempre.Rotto o non sei mio. A nessun altro ragazzo è permesso toccarti, capisci?Specialmente non una vita bassa come lui." he threatened before aggressively slamming his lips onto yours in a heated kiss filled with passion,anger and lust.
He pushes you onto the bed,not breaking the kiss as he pulls the dress off your body. "What the fuck is this huh?do you really think you could wear this and I wouldn't react?" he retorts as you undo his belt and he simultaneously take off his shirt.When he's only left in his boxers,he pulls you to sit up and forces you on your knees He takes off his boxers,letting it pool around his ankles as his dick springs out,the pink,angry tip already dripping in precum "You know what to do,amore" he says,gripping a chunk of your hair,forcing your mouth closer to his hardened cock.You roll your eyes and take some of him in your mouth "Dont roll your eyes at me,fuck you're just begging to be punished aren't you?" he says tapping your cheek then pulling your hair to make you take all of his length. The dorm is filled with Theodore's sweet moans and grunts as his release is oncoming.Without warning,he finishes in your mouth and he pulls out of your mouth,his hand is on the bottom of your jaw,forcing you to swallow.Mascara streams run down your cheeks as you look up at him with glassy eyes. "Aww,poor girl.Did i go too hard on you?Too bad" his fake sweetness is replaced with a mean tone.He wipes your tears as he kisses the tip of your nose then undos your bra,the sight making his bite his lip He throws you into the center of his bed,crawling ontop of you,hovering over your body as he removes your underwear.Theodore then harshly pushes his thick cock into you,making you scream at the feeling and lack of warning.You bite down on your lip,trying not to make noise but your ex taps on your jaw "Nah,I wanna hear those pretty noises" he says giving you the confidence to release a string of moans as he begins to move,rapidly thrusting into you. He groans at the feeling of him stretching your walls out."Fu..ck baby how did i go a week without you?shittt" "Dont..dont stop theo..feels so good-Ah!" you moan,leaving scratch marks down his back.He sucks on the sweet skin of your neck,causing a string of noises to be released loudly. "Mine..all mine..right sweetie?" he says biting the other side of your neck "Shit!yes all yours teddy!all yours" you babble as he presses on your lower belly,causing you to cum.Seconds later he finishes and pulls out and rolls over to lay next of you,both of you panting,recovering from your orgasms. You roll onto your side,back facing him,an indication youre ready to sleep but he pushes you back onto your back and goes back into the same position as before "You thought we were done?nah,its gonna be a longg night." he smirks
#harry potter#theodore nott#theo nott#slytherin boys#theodore nott imagine#theodore nott x reader smut#toxic theo nott#ex bf theo nott
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Kiss prompts with two dialogue prompts!! For Reader x Jayce, please! 🩷 Thank youuu!
"i think this is the part where you're supposed to kiss me"
"shut up" (affectionately)
ask and ye shall receive!!! tysm for sending!!!
pairing: jayce talis x fem!reader word count: 1.1k tags: mdni! fluff, kissing, alcohol use, jayce gets flustered, notes: ok this was so fun omgggg hehehe. my asks are open for more with any char (i'll do my best to stretch my range, but of course i love jayce, hehe). i only have a few more to write which i will be doing tonight & tomorrow!!
“You’re a lightweight,” A smiled pulled across Jayce’s lips, his tanned cheeks were coated by a rosy colour as his hand wrapped around the half-full glass of beer. Honey eyes flickered over your face, noting the way your lips parted as you laughed, the smile reaching your eyes as you waved a hand in front of your face.
“Hardly,” you breathed out as your laugh settled, wobbly on the stool you sat on, “I can handle my liquor just as well as you can.”
“Wow,” he commented with a lift of his brows, “that is a very incorrect statement,” he guzzled the remainder of the dark beer that filled his stomach with heat and left his mind the perfect amount of fuzzy. Enough to make him relax and forget all about the stress of the research that weighed down his shoulders.
As if it were a competition, you finished the rest of yours, the taste bitter on your tongue as you forced it down and ignored the teasing remarks he threw your way.
“Enough,” he laughed, pulling the glass from your lips as some of the liquid dribbled down your chin, “I’m not carrying you home.”
The sound of his laughter caused your heart to ache, a devastating feeling you’d been trying to avoid for weeks. It was disrupting your day-to-day, stupid Jayce Talis and his stupidly beautiful smile and even stupider laugh gave you goosebumps.
“I’m fine!” You swatted at him, your hand smacking his chest playfully as you nearly toppled forward against him.
Jayce was quick to grab you steady at your shoulders, supporting you back to your seat as he dropped his head low enough to get to your level, “Fine? Okay, get up and stand without making a fool of yourself.”
“What?” You scoffed, furrowing your brows together.
“You heard me, get up and prove you’re fine,” he smirked, letting go of you and resting an elbow on the bar top as his eyes analyzed your movements. His cheek pressed against his knuckles, relaxed, as he waited for you to topple so he could come to your rescue like the knight in shining armour he wanted so desperately to be for you.
You tilted your chin up, huffing as you slid off the stool with calculated ease. Your hand stayed against the stool for support, and it was immediate how the alcohol affected you. The world wasn’t spinning, but you were certainly unable to stand still.
“This is bullshit” you argued when you removed your hand from the stool and stumbled forward, catching yourself before Jayce had the chance to step in. You flashed your eyes at Jayce, “Bet you can’t either.”
He rose to his feet, several inches taller than you, as he crossed his arms over his chest. He quirked an eyebrow, staring down at you, and you rolled your eyes once again.
“You’re so annoying,” you murmured, shifting forward so you could lean against him. You were silent as you felt him drape your coat over your shoulders, knowing what was coming next, “take me home.”
This had become a common occurrence, two young scholars at the academy looking for ways to blow off steam on the weekends. Alcohol was your poison of choice for the past few weekends, indulging in any and all forms of liquor to forget about the upcoming academic week that would certainly leave you exhausted.
“You know,” you murmured, “this is the third weekend in a row we’ve found ourselves in this situation,” you said, arms wrapped around one of Jayce’s so you could steady yourself as you ventured through the quiet late-night streets of Piltover, “are we alcoholics?”
Jayce snorted, “You are.”
“Shut up,” you giggled affectionately, arms gripping tighter around his, and he was forced to clear his throat as he kept his eyes away, redness burning at his cheeks from your closeness, “I like it. I mean, uh, it’s been fun,” your voice was soft as to not echo too loudly off the surrounding buildings, the only other sounds being two pairs of shoes clacking against the pavement, “I don’t know… Sorry, I’m rambling. I don’t know what I’m saying.”
His eyes flickered to you, slowly blinking as he watched the way your eyes focused ahead and unaware of the way he admired you. To him, you were everything. An unrequited love.
“Why aren’t you saying anything?” You mumbled, looking up to catch his gaze before he was able to look away.
“I recall you being the one who told me to shut up,” he answered, lips pulled into a smile.
“You’re awfully annoying, has anyone told you that?” You rolled your eyes, tearing your gaze away as you approached the building of your apartment.
Jayce watched as you pulled away from him, taking the first step up the brick staircase and turning around to face him. You were eye-to-eye now, rather close in proximity, but you hadn’t cared so much. You had enough liquid courage settled in your stomach to clear your mind and lose most of your inhibitions.
“Well,” he sighed after a few moments of awkward silence, eyes flickering away for a moment, “goodnight.”
You hadn’t returned farewell, your feet planted firmly where you stood. With a curiously raised eyebrow, you noted the way his eyes had flickered to your lips a few times, jaw clenching. He was horrible at being sly.
You smiled.
“You’re forgetting something,” you chimed, head tilting playfully as you bit onto your bottom lip.
“No, I’m not,” he returned the raised eyebrow, oblivious to your flirty tone.
“I think this is the part where you’re supposed to kiss me,” you said, a sickly sweet smile playing along your lips. You watched in delight as Jayce became frazzled, cheeks burning a deep red as his lips parted, struggling to say anything.
“Uh, well–” he stuttered, swallowing a lump down his throat. A much different demeanour than the cocky attitude he had back at the bar.
“I’m kidding,” you laughed, patting his chest a few times, “goodnight, dork,” you hummed fondly, turning to take an unbalanced step toward your apartment.
You hardly moved away when you felt your body being tugged back, turning around just in time to feel Jayce’s lips press against yours. Your eyes widened, shocked that he’d actually done it, your stomach exploding into a mix of butterflies and fireworks.
He pulled away, but you chased, closing the distance once more as your hands lifted to the back of his head, brushing through the short strands of his hair. His hands wrapped around your waist, pulling your body close as your lips moved together in an electric kiss.
One that had been avoided for so long, desperate and sweet. Needy.
“Shit,” Jayce whispered through an anxious chuckle when you both pulled back for air, foreheads pressed together and noses bumping. Your breath mingled, the smell of alcohol tickling your nose. You stayed there for a few beats, quietly holding each other and watching the way his eyes dilated as he stared into yours.
“Took you long enough,” you teased, out of breath.
“Shut up,” he whispered, crashing his lips to yours.
#jayce talis#jayce talis x reader#jayce talis x you#arcane fic#arcane x reader#arcane x you#arcane#jayce talis fic#wordsbyspatial#spatialanswers
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Reuniting 3
˚˙⋆.☾.✮.˙˚ Pairing: Rhysand x Fem!Reader
˚˙⋆.☾.✮.˙˚ Summary: Reuniting with Rhysand after Under the Mountain
˚˙⋆.☾.✮.˙˚ Word Count: 3.9k
˚˙⋆.☾.✮.˙˚ WARNINGS!: 18+ moments, sex, mentions of: abuse / sexual abuse / emotional abuse,
˚˙⋆.☾.✮.˙˚ PART 1 / PART 2
Note: Soooooo here we are, with a 3rd and the last part of the story! I want to make something clear – I do not write 18+ things because I feel like, I am not good with describing them. So, I just try to avoid writing things like that. Here, it definitely was a challenge for me, I tried to do more than the bare minimum, it is not long and not perfect. But I hope you are fine with how it turned out.
𓂃 𓂃 𓂃 𓂃 𓂃 𓂃 𓂃 𓂃 𓂃 𓂃 𓂃 𓂃 𓂃 ⟡ ☾ ⟡ 𓂃 𓂃 𓂃 𓂃 𓂃 𓂃 𓂃 𓂃 𓂃 𓂃 𓂃 𓂃 𓂃 𓂃 𓂃
“You two have not done that yet?!” Mor's loud voice echoed through the small cafe, making your cheeks turn a deep red colour.
You two decided to go out, enjoy coffee, and eat a delicious pie. Rhys was busy with work, so many things he needed to take care of after being gone for so long. Getting back was not easy for him, being a High Lord, ruling his court.
“Keep your voice down please!” You groaned, hiding your face in your hands.
“I am not believing that. No way you and Rhys have not made love since he came back.” She looked at you with disbelief written all over her face.
You sighed. It was true. Not that Rhys did not want that - of course he did. He initiated something more between you two so many times already.
But it was you, who stopped him every time.
Because you saw it in his eyes - something was still haunting him. He was always so careful with every touch, every kiss. You just knew, that whatever Amarantha did to him - and made him do - was still taking its toll on him.
“And” Mor continued. “I do not believe that he does not want to do that or something. It's Rhys. He loves you so much in every possible way. You two are mates!”
“It's me,” you said quickly. “I stop him every time.”
“Why?” Mor frowned.
“I just, don't feel ready.” You lied a lot to her about that. Not wanting others to worry about Rhys again. You wanted to keep that part of your relationship private. Just between the two of you. Heart to heart with Rhys.
“Not ready?” Mor asked, her voice a little gentler. “That’s bullshit. It’s not like you two haven’t done it before.”
You kept quiet, stirring the coffee.
Mor studied you closely, noticing the way you avoided eye contact with her. She knew you well.
“You love each other. You cannot keep your hands off of each other. So why you won’t sleep together? Her frown deepened. “Does it have something to do with what happened Under the Mountain?
“It is not that simple,” you said after a moment.
“Not simple?!” she asked, now starting to feel a bit frustrated. “It’s not simple? You are both healed, you are both ready. You are mated for Cauldron’s sake. It is definitely that simple”
You stood up, the small table shaking a little. “Listen. I do not care about your, or Cassian’s, or Azriel’s opinions about me sleeping with my mate.” You glared at her, your eyes burning. “And I do not wish for any of you, to push us.”
Mor blinked at your sudden outburst, her eyes wide as she studied your face. In all the years she had known you, the two of you had rarely ever fought, and you had never snapped at her like that.
Biting your cheek, you quickly grabbed your bag and coat, about to leave the café.
But Mor quickly shot to her feet, grabbing your arm gently, stopping you. “Wait, I am sorry,” she said, feeling a mix of guilt and worry.
“No, I-“ you shook your head. “I need a moment.” You mumbled, already leaving.
Morrigan was left standing alone at the table, feeling absolutely horrible. She knew that you and Rhysand had gone through literal hell and back, that the trauma and pain still loomed over you both like a dark cloud.
She was trying to pressure you, Cassian, Azriel, all of them because they thought that maybe it was time for you to move on, and take the next step. But you snapping at her was a clear answer, that they all had gone too far.
You walked through the streets of Velaris, your coat hanging loosely around your shoulders. You sighed, so tired, so overwhelmed. You felt bad for snapping at Mor, she and others did not know about the deeper meaning between your words. That there was more to the story of why you and Rhys had not done that yet.
Because Rhys still didn’t tell you what Amarantha had done to him. And you were afraid of hurting him, of doing something that might feel like her.
As you wandered through the city, the sunlight was slowly starting to fade, the day being replaced by the cool, peaceful night. You continued walking, lost deeply in your thoughts – no destination in mind, your feet were moving on their own.
“There you are.”
You turned almost immediately, a small, sad smile ghosting on your face.
Rhysand stood a few feet away from you, his wings folded tightly. The expression on his face was intense as his eye roamed over you, taking in the sight of your body, searching your face,
He could feel the weight of your pain and sadness through the bond, and it made something inside of his chest tighten.
“I have been searching everywhere for you” he murmured, as he slowly stepped closer.
“I am sorry” you whispered. “I lost track of time.”
Rhys slowly reached out to touch your face, gently cupping your cheek in his palm. He could see that you were upset, he could feel it, and it made his heart hurt.
“Were you with Mor?” he asked quietly, even though he knew the answer.
“Yes,” you murmured, leaning into his touch. You sighed, wrapping your hands around his waist, and pressing your other cheek to his chest. His heartbeat calming you down.
Rhysand’s arms immediately found their way around you, pulling you flush against his body. He buried his face into your hair, enjoying the feeling of having your sweet, soft body against his.
“The two of you fought, didn’t you?” he spoke quietly, gently stroking your back.
You stayed quiet for a moment, just staying in his arms, watching the Sidra shining under the moonlight. “I snapped at her.”
He let out a soft sigh, one of his hands slowly sneaking under your coat, massaging your lower back in a soothing manner. He could feel the mixture of annoyance and guilt from you through the bond, but he did not want to press you to talk about it now.
“Come on,” he murmured, his fingers gently taking hold of your chin so that he could meet your eyes. “Let’s take a walk by the river.”
You nodded.
A small smile appeared on his face, as he led you down to the riverside. Your hands were tightly linked together.
As you walked Rhys was mostly quiet, letting you process the thoughts swirling in your head. Knowing that you needed a moment, needed to think if you wanted to talk.
“You know,” he broke the silence after a while, his voice low. “There is one thing that I would love to do right now.”
“What?” You hummed softly, squeezing his hand.
He turned his head to look at you, a tiny, crooked smile pulling at his lips as he continued walking. “I’d love to take you back to our bed, undress you, layer by layer,” he started speaking, his thumb rubbing circles on your hand. “And kiss every beautiful inch of you.”
You laughed so softly, “You did that last night.”
It was all you two had been doing for the past two weeks, just touches and kisses. Nothing more.
Because you stopped him, every time he tried to initiate something.
Rhysand chuckled softly at your words, the sound a low rumble. He brought your hand to his lips, pressing a soft, warm kiss to your knuckles.
“Yes, and I know we had a good time,” he said with a smirk. Yet you felt that hint of frustration running through him. You knew he needed you, just like you needed him, but of course, he would never push you.
He had waited fifty years to be with you again. He had thought about you every single day, dreamed about holding you, feeling your soft body underneath him.
“Why won’t you let me touch you?” he finally asked, his voice so quiet. The question that had been on his mind for the past two weeks.
“I am letting you touch me,” you whispered looking at the water.
“You know I do not mean those soft, gentle touches and kisses,” he spoke, now stopping in his tracks and gently pulling you to stop as well. “You are not letting me touch you, properly. It’s like you are purposely keeping me on edge, giving me just barely enough.”
You bit your lower lip, the guilt rushed through your body at his words.
He felt that immediately. He stepped a bit closer, his hand coming to rest on your hip. “Why won’t you let me touch you?” he repeated his question, his voice quiet. “Why won’t you let me take you back home and make love to you, like actual mates?”
“Why won’t you tell me what she really did to you?!” You finally broke, turning fully to him, tears shining in your eyes.
The sudden snap of your voice almost made him flinch, but he did not let go of you. Instead, he only tightened his grip on your hip. The sight of your tears, the anger in your voice made his heart sink in his chest. He hadn’t told you anything about what had happened Under the Mountain after the first two days after his return. And he knew he was pushing his luck with each passing day. You gave him space, you gave him time. But he couldn’t hide it forever.
“Darling…” he started to speak, his fingers rubbing circles on your hip. “It’s not that simple and you don’t want to know.”
You had the right to know. He was your mate, your mate, and owed you the truth.
“I do want to know,” you said quickly. “I need to know.”
The expression on his face was pained and almost desperate as he looked into your eyes. He did not want to tell you, so badly, he did not want to relive those horrible memories in his head. He slowly lifted his hands to cup your face, his thumbs gently caressing your red from cold cheeks. “You will look at me differently, once you hear it.”
You looked at him with pain in your eyes, “You really think that?”. Your voice cracked, “You still think that I could look at you any differently than I do now?”
Of course he didn’t, deep down he knew that you couldn’t, you wouldn’t. That you would love him, no matter what. His heart ached at the sound of your broken voice, at the pain and anguish on your face. It made him feel like the lowest, the cruelest being in the whole Prythian. But still, a small voice in the back of his head whispered to him, that you would be disgusted with him, that you would think he was dirty, tainted.
“I don’t want to lose you.”
“You cannot possibly lose me,” your voice was still broken but the words that left your lips were strong. “Nothing can change my feelings for you. I waited for you, fifty years, Rhys.”
He felt the truth in your words, felt your love and care for him, he felt all that flowing through the bond and overwhelmed his heart even more. “You have no idea how filthy I truly am.”
You slowly wrapped your hands around his neck, pulling him down, yet not kissing. Letting him do that if he wanted, but not forcing. Never. You would never force him. “You will always be my Rhys.”
My Rhys.
It nearly brought it to his knees. Your words, the feeling of your hands around his neck, your touch, your warmth, your scent, everything about you made his heart tighten. He slowly closed his eyes, he could feel the love and tenderness, “I don’t deserve you.”
You smiled, shaking your head, “Let’s go home?”
He simply nodded, not really trusting his voice. One of his hands wrapped around your hip again, and he pulled you closer, before winnowing the two of you all the way back to the Town House.
Seconds later you two were in the middle of your bedroom, the moonlight shone through the windows. He did not let go of you, his fingers rubbing circles on your hip. His mind was swirling with emotions, and he felt like he was drowning in all of them.
His fingers moved to slowly undo the buttons of your coat, his breathing heavier. He gently pushed the coat to fall from your shoulders, letting it land on the floor behind you. A second later his own heavy coat followed mine.
“It will be hard,” he admits, his forehead against yours. So, so gently he pulled you into his arms, just wanting to hold you, feel you close against his chest.
Rhys brushed his nose against yours, an intimate gesture you loved so much. Slowly he guided you to the bed, manoeuvring you the way, he was sitting on the edge of the bed with you straddling his lap.
“I am here for you,” you kissed his nose. “Always.”
Minutes passed, the two of you just sitting like that, as you rubbed soothing circles on his hands.
“She forced me to be her sex slave,” his voice was so vulnerable and broken when he finally spoke.
Hearing it loudly, from his lips, it broke you and suddenly you regrated making him talk about it. But you both knew you needed that conversation, that his trauma was so extremely important to you that you needed to know. You needed to know what happened so you could help him, so you could show him that you would never look at him differently after knowing the truth.
“She sexually and emotionally abused me. I had nothing to fight her, to keep her away from asking questions. So, I decided to be her whore. I didn’t care about her using my body. She wanted to fuck me, so I let her. I made it so good for her that she always wanted more. Craved more. For fifty years—whenever I was inside her, I’d think about killing her. She had no idea. None. Because I was so good at my job that she thought I enjoyed it, too."
He had done all of that, everything to protect his people, his city, his family, you.
You felt like throwing up, your whole body feeling his pain. You hated every second of that. But you remained quiet, listening to him, showing him that you were there for him.
“Every year when Starfall came around, she made sure I pleasured her that night. Because she knew how important that night was for me, so she took it away from me.” His beautiful face was full of pain, a tear sliding down his cheek.
“She forced you, Rhys,” you finally said, caressing his cheek, brushing away the tears. “Everything she did was forced. You are a victim. You did not want that and I feel it, I know it. And I will never look at you differently.” Your voice cracked.
Brushing your lips against his cheek, you slowly moved your fingers to the back of his neck, “Thank you for letting me know.” You would never let him feel like that, cold and alone, used, like anyone’s slave or whore.
Never again.
“I am so sorry,” he whispered, burying his face in your neck, trying to hide but you were not letting him. “My love…”
“Can I kiss you?” you smiled softly, holding his face gently in your hands.
He blinked. He didn’t understand. Didn’t understand how you could still show such affection for him, how you could still want him to touch you, to kiss you after what he had told you.
The gentle smile on your beautiful face and the way your eyes were shining with love and care. No sign of disgust. You were showing him you still wanted him, that you still loved him.
“You are asking me for permission?” he could not help the smile.
“Yes. I am asking for permission.”
Gods. He felt like he might actually die from the love he felt for you.
“You are literally sitting on my lap, darling,” the mere idea of you asking him for permission to kiss him – something you had done so many times. It made him smile so widely, his hands on your thighs rubbing circles.
You, his mate, his love were asking for permission.
“Is that a yes or a no?” You raised your eyebrows, getting a small laugh from him in return.
He was broken, damaged and yet you still saw him as an equal. As your partner. Your mate.
He loved you so much.
“Yes. You never have to ask.”
As he said that you moved, brushing your lips against his, in a soft, gentle kiss. His hands moved from your tighs, finding their way under your shirt, sending shivers down your spine. The feeling of your lips, your sweet lips, was like a soothing balm against his soul.
“I love you” you whispered between kisses, making him moan against your lips.
“Again, say that again,” he begged, pulling you even closer.
“I love you, Rhysie.”
That made him grin, and a laugh escaped his lips a second later, “Cheeky little thing.” His lips crashed back against yours, and you sighed when his tongue slipped in, dancing with yours.
“If we make love now,” you whispered, leaning away to meet his eyes “you promise to tell me when I do something that feels like I am hurting you?”
His heart hurt from that. From the way you were still trying to make sure he was comfortable, that you were being careful and gentle with him.
At that moment he understood, that he had been an idiot for even thinking you would ever look at him differently.
“Darling, you could never hurt me,” he said quickly.
“Promise me.”
He saw that determination in your eyes, he knew that too well. You were his stubborn little thing.
“I promise,” he mumbled, his lips moving to the corner of your lips, then to your cheek.
“Promise,” you raised your pinky finger, a frown on your face.
Rhysand laughed, the stars in his violet eyes shining so brightly. Moments like this always made him remember how hopelessly in love with you he was.
“I pinky promise, you cheeky, little mate,” he hooked his pinky with yours.
You smiled brightly, moving your hands to wrap them around his neck, your lips brushing against his again. He was not wasting time, not anymore when he finally could have you again. When he could finally make love to you.
Slowly he pushed you off his lap, so that you were lying down on the bed. He immediately found his way to hover above you, trapping you between him and the mattress. Rhys leaned down, his lips ghosting against your neck, his breath so hot, making you shiver. You reached to the buttons of his shirt and he smirked, “Naught little thing.”
He pulled his shirt off, tossing it to the ground, revealing that beautiful tattooed body, the powerful muscles and he shifted more, his wings peeking above, the wings that you loved so much.
Rhysand did not stop, immediately removing your shirt, then your pants, his pants, socks, underwear, everything.
“My beautiful mate,” he whispered, trailing kisses down your neck, not stopping there. Leaving marks all over your naked body.
You gasped softly, reaching over his shoulder to caress his wing. And both, the touch and the sound of your gasp sent a wave of desires straight to his aching hardness. You knew how sensitive his wings were and he knew how much you loved them. Cauldron, he smiled against your skin. Because he had let himself be so vulnerable only with you. Only with you.
Only with his mate.
“I missed your wings,” you said. “I missed you, loving me like that.”
He groaned, trying so hard to control himself. But, the way you were responding to him, the way you touched him, so carefully, so gently, it was driving him crazy. He gave your hip a bite, earning a soft laugh from you, “Rhys!”
“I didn’t do anything,” you saw that cocky smirk on his beautiful face when he moved to kiss you again. And you melted, running your fingers through his hair.
His knee parted your legs and his hips settled between your thighs. Pressing his hips against yours, making you shiver. The desires rushing through the bond.
“Mhm, sure you didn’t,” you smiled against his lips. “You are playing and teasing.”
He loved that.
“You are the one who’s playing with my wings, darling,” he tilted his head to whisper that in your ear.
“Not me,” you shrugged your shoulders.
“Mhm, sure not you,” he leaned, biting your earlobe.
You grinned, then reached your hand to cup his cheek, your thumb brushing against his cheekbone. Feeling through the bond how much he wanted you, needed you. The desires so strong.
“I love you.”
The words were music to his ears. And he shifted, making you gasp softly, a moan escaped his lips as he buried himself deep inside you. Not giving you a second to say anything, he kissed you again, and again. You tugged gently at his hair, your hand that was holding his cheek moving to the back of his neck.
“I love you so much, darling.”
He was loving you so gently. The both of you moving in rhythm with each other, sharing the touches, and kisses. It felt like a dream, feeling him again, after fifty years. Everything was so pure and soft and you felt that warmth running through the bond. You left kisses on his cheeks, your nails leaving small marks on his neck, his back. He made love to you so tenderly, it was not fast and rough, nothing like that. Each thrust was slow and gentle, followed by a kiss, or a red mark on your body – biting and sucking. Every sound that came out of your mouth made him feel more and more alive.
“Never again,” he choked between rough breaths. “I won’t leave you ever again.” It was like a gift, a blessing to feel you again. The way your bodies were moving together, so perfectly.
You were his, and he was yours. He was the darkness and you were the light.
Two mates finally together.
With all the trauma you had both endured, all the pain. You finally had that peace you two always dreamed about. Free from any cursed place, from the pain, free to be together, free to love each other.
The two of you were lying in bed, your body nestled against his. You had no idea how long the two of you were making love. Probably all night, as the sunlight was sneaking into the room. But you two did not really care about that. Time didn’t matter.
Rhys was tracing tiny patterns on your body, his fingertips making lazy circles across the naked skin. His heart was still racing, yours was too. He finally felt light, like there was no exhaustion, not mentally, not physically, he really felt free with you in his arms.
“Are you okay?” Your voice was so soft, almost sleepy.
He chuckled at that sleepy murmur, “I should be asking you that.”
You hummed, nuzzling your nose into his neck, “Perfect.” As you said that, you needed a second, your eyes closing on your own. “I asked you first.”
Rhysand laughed so brightly. Pressing a kiss to your head he whispered “More than okay.” He pulled you as close as he possibly could, closing his own eyes. He felt his body relaxing, both of you free from everything. “Thank you.”
Two mates finally together again. Forever.
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