#and then he hypes her up like in the tiktoks and shoves jimmy into the cryostasis pod

[writing-oof]

Mouthwashing Drabbles - What If #A

CW: mentioned Jimmy, past/implied sexual assault, pregnancy mention

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You don't know what comes over you. Maybe it's the look on his face, soft and eager and so desperate for the approval of everyone on the ship. It's a weeping wound of vulnerability you recognize, and it's one Jimmy can smell like a shark.

You don't think he would do anything to Daisuke. Or, at least, you don't think he would do what he did to you to Daisuke. It wouldn't really make sense. Jimmy went for you specifically, because you're beneath him and because you're a woman. Hell, you're beneath him because you're a woman.

But, Daisuke's beneath Jimmy too.

You've gotten a pretty good feel for the hierarchy of the ship, over the past few weeks. Swansea's a beast Jimmy's too afraid to touch, and for good reason. The man isn't friendly with anyone, but making an enemy out of him isn't something anyone wants to do, not even Jimmy.

Curly…the Captain is Jimmy's friend--he's made that clear--and he's the Captain. He's at the very top of the pecking order, and you're at the very bottom. Still, Daisuke is only just above you, and he's decidedly below Jimmy.

You don't know what comes over you. Maybe it's the fact that even thinking of Jimmy alone in a room with someone who can't see what he could do makes your gut twist with nausea. You don't know what Jimmy could do; you never know what Jimmy could do.

It doesn't really matter why you do it. The fact is, Daisuke tells you Jimmy's going to teach him a bit of piloting, looking like he thinks the man hung every star in the sky, and the truth puddles on the floor by your feet like blood.

This isn't the first time you've been here, crying in the medbay with the truth on display. It isn't even the second.

"Anya," Daisuke says, stricken. He's visibly shaken and almost…enraged, on your behalf. "You have to tell the Captain."

Just like that, all the air rushes from your lungs. Daisuke; sweet, stupid Daisuke. He sounds so sure of himself, is the worst of it. He sounds as if every wrong in the world can be set to rights if only the Captain is made aware.

You swallow the bitterness like a pill, rough and painful as it slides down your throat.

"Anya?" Daisuke tries. Your hands twist the sides of your shirt in a white-knuckle grip. Your uniform wrinkles beneath your fingers, but creases are easier to wash out than other things.

"...Anya?" Daisuke asks, his voice as quiet as the air blowing through the vents. Your pulse beats in your throat, a steady reminder of life. Thump, thump, thump. If you're still, you swear you can feel it in your gut.

"I did," you say, your voice even quieter than his. You're barely a whisper on this ship. "He knows."

Daisuke's face twists. 'No,' you can see he's thinking, the truth incompatible with the image he's built in his head, 'No, that can't be true.'

You wish it weren't.