#and then having to babysit these two horrible little gremlins; who are a pair of living callout posts for said issues

[angorwhosebabyisthis]

i need to post more about the AU where, due to some kind of timeline fuckery, the five we know for most of canon and the retconned five from FoF end up stuck in a liminal world outside of time. they then have to work together to survive and find a way home.

(and, for that matter, decide whether they want the other one to get home. they are from points in their respective timelines where their goals are at odds to say the least, even if they won't be there to see how things in the other's timeline play out.)

retcon!five, who was raised by the mogs from the age of six, is significantly less prepared for this than canon!five on account of being much more sheltered all his life. he is also a whole lot less hinged than canon!five. and kind of a snotty princess. and way more of an asshole in general. honestly he would make canon!five feel better about himself by comparison if canon!five wasn't having to step in and be the one to use common sense and survival skills to keep them both alive

enter, at this point, a third five: cody, a human college student who's on a mental health break from school to get his head together when one day he goes for a rainy drive and finds himself stuck here. he is not remotely prepared to stumble across two traumatized, unhinged alien kid versions of himself with superpowers. but he can't help but feel responsible for them, and he makes the decision on the spot to take charge and get them all home.

(or try to take charge, anyway. they may be stupid, and they may have been in a cult, but neither of them takes well to being told what to do.)

maybe it's how angry and scared they look; maybe it's that he wants to take the chance to be the kind of adult to himself that he needed in his life when he was their age; but he's got a car and an open road and some therapy under his belt, and that'll have to be enough.

then he realizes they're making out in the backseat and goes through the stages of grief like a lottery wheel

[pandoraborn]

Based on this tiktok, because it’s too funny to not-

--

The first thing Phil is greeted with when he opens the video call is the sound of Tommy wailing in anguish. Right away, Phil knows Tommy is milking it. If it were something actually serious, Wilbur would not look so awfully bored, and Techno would actually be panicked.

“Techno, what happened?” Phil drags a hand down his face as he stares into the screen, knowing his entire being matches the expression on Wilbur’s face. Tommy’s wailing is even louder now that Phil’s speaking, and he’s fighting the urge to hang up the call; Tommy is giving him a headache.

“There may have been an incident,” Techno begins. “With some of us getting hurt.” Techno’s voice is completely deadpanned, so Phil purses his lips as he studies the scene before him, or what little he can see behind a screen.

Wilbur is holding Tommy and patting his head, while staring off into space. Tommy’s crying crocodile tears while holding his side, hunching over and screaming about being in pain. Techno is looking far too innocent. Honestly, Phil doesn’t have time for any of their bullshit. He’d been busy trying to drain an entire ocean for his own purposes, and he doesn’t like being interrupted for petty family squabbles.

“Techno, you’re grounded.”

He hopes that’s a proper parental thing to say. It sounds about right. Punish the instigator, right?”

Techno blinks. He’s not even actually Phil’s son, but a close friend. Phil can see the confusion in his face, but Techno isn’t going to protest the role he’s being pushed into right now. They can deal with their roles when Tommy isn’t screaming and sobbing in pain.

“So, you’re grounding me,” Techno begins, glancing back at Tommy and Wilbur. “-because I”m the strongest brother?”

“My back!” Tommy wails, a little too loudly. The noise is giving Phil a bigger headache than he wants to deal with. He’s losing his temper. Why does he have to babysit these three, even when he’s nowhere near any of them?

“No, Techno!” Phil snaps. “I’m grounding you because you performed-”

“It hurts!” Tommy screams, interrupting him. Phil clenches his hands into fists in an attempt to keep from snapping at Tommy.

“-a flying skull crusher on your little brother!” Phil finishes. He narrows his eyes at Techno, who still seems unfazed. The piglin is staring blankly at the screen, Wilbur is still staring blankly into space while attempting to comfort Tommy. Tommy is, of course, still sobbing. Phil almost feels bad for him. Almost. Mostly, he just wants to escape this call and go back to blissful silence.

“My spleen!” Tommy cries. He’s throwing his head back and wailing, and Phil is horribly reminded of a toddler who doesn’t know how to handle the world around him. At least the teenager has Wilbur for comfort.

“Whatever,” Phil continues. “You’re tending to Tommy for the next day. I have shit to do and all you shits are interrupting me. Goodbye.”

“Goodbye, father.” Techno sounds solemn before hanging up the call. Phil groans loudly before chucking his communicator to the side, flopping back down in bed. He can work on his project after a nap. Working through a headache is just going to make it worse.

--

When the call ends, Techno sets the communicator down carefully and turns around to face the other two. Tommy sits up slowly, finally shutting up and wiping his eyes.

“You almost ruined it,” Techno grumbles. “I thought he was going to see right through this and call us out. You were too loud and too whiny, like you were really milking the agony there.”

“I have a headache now,” Wilbur cuts in. “We’re not doing that again.”

“You both owe me fifty bucks each,” Techno says. “Easiest hundred I ever made. I told you Phil was going to write it off as ‘not-his-problem’. I keep telling you, he doesn’t care until he has to, and that’s usually when he’s here.”

“I did good though. I actually started crying.” Tommy wears a proud smile on his face as he pulls money out. “You heard Dadza though, Blade. You get to be my bitch for the next day.”

“Nope, we are so not playing this game.” Techno abruptly gets to his feet. “I have shit of my own to take care of. Tommy, you can make Wilbur your bitch.”

“Nope, I’m going to nap,” Wilbur grunts. “My head hurts and my ears are ringing and I want to get away from the gremlin.”

“Oh come on guys,” Tommy whines. “We were brothers for a whole five minutes, I don’t want that to stop!”

“I’m not your brother,” Techno deadpans. “And before you reference what Phil said, you know he knows that too, he just wanted to end the call as soon as possible, so it doesn’t count. Tommy, go bug Tubbo or something.”

“You’re both so mean,” Tommy grumbles. “I do everything for you and don’t get anything back.”

“Shut up you gremlin.” Wilbur’s reaching over to ruffle Tommy’s hair. “We do everything for you too. And Techno can deny it all he wants, but he’s like my twin. I’d like to think he’s older than me by two minutes, which makes us all brothers.”

“Wilbur I’m not your twin.”

“Shhh, I’m going to sleep now. You two have fun.” Wilbur giggles while waving with two fingers.

“Heyyy-” Tommy starts to say with a bright, hopeful smile on his face, once Wilbur disappears. “It’s just you and me now, Techno!”

“Oh my god, you needy child,” Techno gripes. “Fine, we’ll spend the day together. After that I require contracts and money from you and... Wait, Wilbur didn’t pay me.”

The only sound that’s heard then is a door slamming shut. It’s painfully clear to the pair now that Wilbur and Phil really left them both to fend for themselves.

But then again, Tommy always makes things entertaining, not that he’d admit it out loud.

---

@mysterio-is-the-truth, @lilsprout-exe, @egopocalypse

[maiolica-admirer]

Life beyond the chaotic gremlin

Nomura is a type of person where if you took her at face value, you would easily miss the facets that make up who she is beyond the "would totally stab you in your sleep" which while that is a big part of her character (Plus being a genuinely chaotic and sarcastic gremlin) there is more than that. And it all starts with the humble introduction.

When we first see her it is when she's selling the wonders of history that can be found in her fine establishment that despite it being a cover at no point... sounds fake. She really sounds like she loves this like a special interest, particularly by sneaking in a mention of her clear beloved renaissance era pottery, and it's coming from someone who has lived through it and still standing well enough to appreciate these creations humans have recorded and left behind over time. She's apparently oblivious to everyone but Eli's excitement and looks genuinely surprised when Strickler cuts her off before glaring at him. This is re-enforced later when she returns to the museum (Which I fudge earlier for this blog, natch) where that is very clearly not fake enjoyment. Left to her own devices she's enjoying the hell out of being back there again, checking the tapestries and setting up a new exhibit before Ursuna shows up. In the hilarious contrast to Strickler, she has a tendency towards the arts from these little snippets we're allowed to see while being the more battle hungry of the pair of them.

Lets face it, Nomura is an incredibly dangerous changeling if you have been chosen as a target. Specialising in the hunt and ambush, unsettling her target with a bit of dramatics (Changelings) and she is exceptionally good at it with bar one blip we know about before the series starts clearly put her in a high enough stead to protect THE Killahead Bridge. Someone stumbles over it somehow? Come hell or high water you know Nomura will terminate the problem as she will not accept anything less. Her fighting style focuses on using her twin khopesh as both defensive and very fast striking offense, abusing her natural agility for vaulting tactics and adapting to the battle arena, powerful kicks and she's completely unafraid to use her TEETH if that's what it takes to gain an advantage. From Unbecoming, "We better hurry, we're missing all the fun~" she seriously lives for this and the museum role is chill out time between doing a job she loves so very much. It gives me the impression of her loyalty being garnered through letting her go to town and a future dream of freedom that still allows her to do as she wishes. She's happy enough in that position and has no visible ambitions to go beyond that or being on Bular babysitting duty.

There is no love for humans either that much is clear, their things sure, but being Asian appearing even after women's rights came through little would have changed for her in the west. Humans just as racist as trolls, throw them under the damn bus for all she cares.

Her biggest weakness stems from this very thing however, namely that of her pride. She underestimated Jim (Understandably), immediately changed tactics when he got a strike on her just for the human Trollhunter to escape with his friend through sheer luck. Having to limp into the museum after being assailed by goblins, politely chastised by Strickler and having to scramble a way to keep her hide before Bular kills her? It's no wonder Jim ended up on her shit list for that one.

But did you notice what she did when she went after him the first time?

She left Barbara alone.

Nomura found out this was a single mother household (I do wonder if that slipped when at the police station or Strickler off handed mentioned how his school job was going) and acted accordingly so that the non-threat would not prevent her from for her going after her true enemy but also would not harm her (Physically) in the longer term. She very carefully planned this out using the angle of Barbara's expectations over the museum, the hospitality and yet again she likely would have succeeded in her hunt if not for unexpected circumstances in the form of Draal.

Draal is a whole THING and I want to dedicated an entire post to that.

The next big moment of course is when we see her in the Darklands after presuming she was killed after being sucked in there and we are witness to someone who's will is so horribly broken and gleefully mocks Jim's concept of a rescue and having hope as what the hell is that word to a changeling? She was "born" here, she will die here whenever the Warlord decides he's bored of punishment. She had literally been confronted with the harsh reality Strickler long figured out on his own of how the second they stop being useful they are disposable no matter what your reputation and prior deeds. That said, she goes and does something very out of character for her that really drives home how much of a mess she's in from having her dream crushed so utterly and becoming trapped more than ever before with a side order of beatings and torture.

Be it on a whim or out of sheer pity, she decides to help spare Jim's life.

And that! Is her turning point! And in her relationship with the Trollhunter!

They bond over things they miss from the surface, her love of the Peer Gynt play explaining why it's her hunting music and then the very strange notion that this idiotic child she has tried to murder repeatedly refuses to leave her behind when he gets out because it wouldn't be the right thing to do. It completely throws her as, why? Changelings will throw one another under to survive, hell humans do it too even without potential stabbing! She doesn't believe it for a second mind, but she lets him have his thoughts and concedes everyone needs hope in the Darklands as he's earned his right to have it.

It is even to the point she'll throw her life down in a fight so he'll live. That she'll fight Gunmar (!!) with a single blade to let them all get out of there including two trolls she definitely doesn't give a damn about and two kids she's likely only tolerating to keep in Jim's favour. To fall for a nice dream while it lasted and buy them time despite now on a broken fetlock too. She's a changeling, they don't deserve hope or chances. They can only think of a dream in the distant future and surviving the current day and this is the end of hers.

Then the weirdest thing happens. Jim keeps his promise and hauls them out of there instead of leaving her to die. Draal of all trolls that could do this it is probably the one that really would throw her for an even bigger loop than escaping the damn Darklands, offers her the kindness of his arm while she is at her most vulnerable and helps her away without any judgement.

To say her world got upended is a vast understatement.

~~~

[[WELL THE MUN WENT ON A BIT OF A TANGENT. I want to go on one about her relationship with Draal and her one with Strickler as well if that’s something peeps would be interested in at some point?]]