#and then god it’ll be how the fuck do i interview for a teaching position

[dontwanderoff]

got peer pressured by another crt to talk to the principal about jobs next year and the principal is all ‘oh yes send me this this and this and apply for this and this’ and i think this means i better write a resume up quick sticks

[toxicxxmyth]

Dating Christopher Vélez headcanon

Authors Note: Don’t know if I rlly have to mention this but I called Chris a fuckboy in this like 20+ times so don’t be offended m8 and just like Richards, this is all over the place

Richard‘s headcanon

Christopher has mentioned many many MANY times that he is not looking for a relationship

My man is getting that good good PussAy ;))))))

And he ain’t looking for no commitment :(:

We stan a fuck boy ;)

So it probably took him like three encounters to notice you

The first time was at a house party and y’all talked for like five seconds and then went your separate ways

You remember him

He didn’t even remember your hair color lol

The second time was also at a party

You were looking for your car keys but you spotted the cute guy you talked to for like a second

So you asked if he’d seen your keys like a fkn dumbass

And he was like “nah m8 😔”

And you were like “aight 🤘😔”

And he thought you were hot so that’s a start

Then the third time was also another party

And then y’all saw each other again and made a convo this time

He for sure remember you this time cause he wasn’t as tipsy as before

Lol

So that’s how y’all met

But just like Richard

It took this boy a long time to actually get his shit together and be like

“I actually like this girl”

Ya feel?

But you already liked him

But you understood his position

You were actually grateful that he didn’t just agree to go out with you if he wasn’t certain about you

It saved you the heart break

But after many MANY months

He gave in, and he was grateful for your patience

Anywhore

Now to the headcanon of dating the Ecuadorian fuck boy who we love

There is never a day where you’re bored

He’s always got something planned for the day

Lazy days are superior tho

His laugh could cure your acne, sadness’s and anxiety

Thank God he laughs every damn day

HE WILL FOR SURE TEACH YOU HOW TO SKATEBOARD

And if you already know how to skateboard then y’all will ride together like actual goals

He goes all out when it comes to dates

Will take you to the most expensive restaurants in the area

For sure will buy you a fancy ass dress

I highly believe that out of all the members he’s the one who’ll spoil you the most

Like fuck

It’s a lot

When he’s away on tour he’ll have a bIG ASS bouquet of flowers sent to you or chocolate

Will surprise you jewelry, food, clothes aNYTHING

you’ll have to remind him that he doesn’t have to do any of that but he insists on doing them bc he loves spoiling you sm

Yet when you return the favor by buying him something small he’s all like

“:0 thIS IS TOO MUCH, AMOR”

and you’re like “???? Khe ???”

For sure will teach you Spanish if you don’t already

Staring by cuss words ofc :’)

Whenever y’all go to the club he always comes up to you like you’re a stranger or smth

“I'm new in town. Could you give me directions to your apartment?” ;)

“ChRisssss”

He’d try this the whole night making random guys come to your “rescue”

Chris is laughing his ass off while you calmly tell them that it’s just your bf

He doesn’t seem to be the jealous type

He’s v confident that u love him and only him

Which is true

It takes a lot in him to get jealous

But when he does

OOFFF

You better be scared

He never takes it out on you, just the guy who seemed to cross a boundary that Chris drew in his imagination

You’re the one who gets jealous easily for sure

SO MANY PRETTY FEMALES THROWING THEMSELVES ON HIM MAKES YOU SEE RED

But he always shows you that you’re the only one he wants if you know what I mean ;)

Honestly, y’all don’t even cook, just order a shit ton of food while watching movies or the both of you just work on your individual projects

If you ever get stressed over work or a project from uni hes always there

Softly rubbing your shoulder as he presses kisses soft kisses along the shell of your ear sending shiver down your spine as you relaax

It might lead to ;) or it could end in you cuddling until you get your mojo back

The sEX is bOmB bTw ;))))))))

Like, this dude is so into overstimulation and subspace that he’ll have you c*mmimg multiple times a night :):

Ooff

Edging is suCH a big turn on for this boy

Y’all fuck like rabbits no doubt

Public sEx is definitely HIS thing

Expect a quickie after each show in his dressing room when you visit him on tour ;)

Anything you do is such a turn on for him

You literally make him feel like a hormonal teenager again

I’m 92% sure this boy will cry one tour bc he misses you sm

Which leads you to surprising him on the other side of the world

Which he is super grateful for :’)

And then y’all have some bomb sex cause y’all a bunch of sex addicts m8

Whenever he feels down he just rests his head on your boobs and wrap his long arms around your body

You let him rant as much as he wants

And somehow you know whether or not he wants advice or just someone to listen

vice versa

Now imma be 100% honest

Don’t @ me

I feel like it’ll take such a long time for Chris’s mother to actually like you

He’s such a mommas boy that just seeing him with another woman might make her skeptical

Ooff I’m crossing dangerous grounds here

He’s siblings and grandmother automatically loved you, but his mother was distant

Christopher has to have a heartfelt conversation with her about it beCAUSE HE LOVES YOU SM AND HE NEEDS THE WOMAN OF HIS LIFE TO ACCEPT THAT

This lowkey makes you feel like an intruder

You feel as if you’re ruining their relationship

But you’ll also have a heartfelt convo with her and at the end of the day y’all would get along once she sees how much you love and care for her son

It probably took a year for y’all to move in together

But when you do, y’all have even more fun and adventures than before

Y’all goals asf

Most of his ig stories are about you

Videos, promoting your posts etc the whole package deal

Subtle matching tattoos

You say “I love you” first and he’s all blushy and giggle which makes you all bullishly and giggly as well :’)

And y’all just make love as he repeats the words and over and over :’)

He always has his hands around your shoulder

Pulling you closer at the most random times

HUGS EVERYWHERE MAN

Omfg this man smells like christmas heaven

Just like his mom, your family wasn’t certain about him first

And by your family i mean your dad(or male figure if you’re dadless :’)

Making him sad

But you’ll do your best to convince you dad that he is a good guy wHICH HE IS!!!!

After a while, he gave Chris a shot

And that’s all you ask for Tbfh

Will subtly mention you in interviews which would cause the guys to give each other knowing stares

Just Like Richard, you receive hate after hate

BUT YALL FICKING TOO HARD TO NOTICE!!

It sometimes gets to you but Chris is always there to comfort you

Making you go all uwu

He goes full mom mode whenever you get sick

Will google your symptoms

Lowkey has a mental breakdown when google tells him that you only have two weeks to live lol

He later calls his mom and she tells him what he should do

Will try to help you with your work but he just gives you a look and gives tf up

Soft hours late at night

You guys talk about your future and marriage and kids and it just lives you all soft and warm inside

Little did you know that he feels the exact same

You’d be in his arms slightly leaning against the headboard as your dress hands play with each other fingers talking about nothing and everything

Sings to you whenever you have trouble sleeping

THE GUYS LOVE YOU

Did I mention that? Lol

Just like any new friendship

Y’all were awkward at first but after a few minutes of getting to know each other they all loved you

Especially Erick, that boy is your child and you will protect him from any danger in the world lmao

That’s it my ppl :’)

Deuces once again :’)🤙🏼

[dominaecaede]

Tomorrow Never Comes

Chapter 1: Break

Midoriya Izuku, 16 years old, an aspiring hero. A seemingly normal boy in a world full of super heroes to idolize and super villains to bring justice upon. Everyday, he'd return to his dorm room after class and spend time with his mother on weekends... today is no different. There are people in this world who have quirks more suited for other things than hero work, however. For instance, in recent days, scientists in CLEARNOX Industries, a company located on the other side of the city, have been making a mark when it comes to future endeavors. It's not the scientists behind the ideas, though; CLEARNOX's CEO, Yura Hana, who has always sought an advancement for the new generations of heroes. Not that Midoriya liked science much, but anything that may benefit the future of heroes would always be an interest.

--

"Izuku! Supper is ready!"

Midoriya could smell the pleasant scent of katsudon that always made his mouth water. It's been two weekends he missed with his mother since the finals, but now that finals are finished, he's been spending the entire break making up for lost time. He made his way to the dining table to join Inko and gave her a smile.

"It's been a while, so I decided to make your favorite," Inko stated with a soft voice.

Midoriya smiled gratefully. "It looks delicious."

The news happened to be on while the two ate a quiet dinner. Yura Hana was speaking in an interview, and Midoriya's large emerald hues lit up as he turned up the volume.

"CLEARNOX Industries has been making quite the name for itself these days from what I hear," the interviewer commented. "With the success of your quirk boosting antidote, what's next in store?"

Yura Hana chuckled. "We have always strived for the betterment of the future and the advancement of today's generations of heroes. However, the growth of villain activities towards hero schools have been increasing in number. That is why we have begun a new project we are calling "Project V," a series in which should not only provide protection to the aspiring heroes, but to also show the value in... Life numbers. Once the project has been completed, I can guarantee a positive response."

"Life numbers...," Izuku repeated softly.

Inko only shook her head. "I wouldn't put my hopes into that. Something seems off about her wording, but I suppose we just have to wait and see that this project has in store."

Midoriya furrowed his eyebrows, but didn't respond to his mother's comments. She noticed and sighed, taking his now empty plate.

"It's been a long day, Izuku. I'll take care of the dishes, you go wash up and get some sleep. School starts again tomorrow, you know!" she smiled.

Izuku nodded and thanked his mother, walking away from the table. When he was finished and comfortable in his bed, he was texting Todoroki about it. It turned out that he was watching the news as well, but his friend only told him that it should be nothing to worry about. "Just the way she talks" he suggested. Izuku sighed and put his phone away, not bothering to answer the text back. Maybe Todoroki was right, he was thinking about it too hard. He closed his eyes, and sleep seemed to grace him not too long after that.

The day back at school seemed normal. Aizawa Shouta was teaching a new lesson, although the only new thing about him is that he got a new sleeping bag with a different color. Yura's words never left him, though; he still pondered them as he took notes. It wasn't the words themselves that bothered him - it was how she said them. Izuku was deep in his thoughts as a result, and only the sudden sound of screams outside the classroom door jolted him alert. Everyone in the classroom looked up in confusion, and Aizawa began walking towards the door with caution. As he opened the door, the sight of students screaming and running towards the exit had everyone standing in their seats.

"What the hell...?" Aizawa muttered, leaning out the door and trying to ask what was happening. Another teacher, newer, was running to the same direction. Aizawa grabbed her arm to bring her to a halt.

"What the hell is happening? What's going on?!" he shouted.

The female teacher was shaking, eyes wide as if she's seen a ghost. "T-They're inside the school, the walls have been breached! Our quirks won't work fending them off! Y-You have to get the students out of here! T-They'll--"

Her warning was cut off by something jumping on her and plunging what looked like sharp teeth into her shoulder. Blood was spilled on him and he immediately slammed the door shut, locking it, not knowing what that thing was and not bothering to find out. What seemed like the rest of her blood flooded underneath the doorway, and as Aizawa backed up, the students gasped and screamed in horror.

"Is that--?!"

"Holy shit, what the hell is happening?!"

"We're all gonna die!"

"How do we get the fuck out of here?!"

"QUIET! I'm trying to think!" Aizawa shouted, and the students immediately grew silent.

It's not like they knew enough to say anything but panic, anyway. Uraraka couldn't move. Yaomomo and Jirou were crying from fear. Mineta was puking in the corner. Kirishima was hyperventilating. Todoroki was pacing in shock and even Bakugou had wide eyes. The room was only quiet for a few seconds, but it seemed like hours. After that moment of silence, Aizawa spoke up.

"Okay," Aizawa began speaking as calmly as possible. "We need to escape fast. There's a locked emergency exit in the hall next to us and if we hurry, we'll be fast enough to break it and make it out."

"Why the hell is an emergency exit locked?" Bakugou questioned.

"It was an easy entrance for villains, but we don't have a choice," Aizawa answered. "Come on! We have to hurry. And stick together!"

Everyone huddled close by holding some part of another person right behind Aizawa as the teacher slowly opened the door. When the coast was clear, he urged his hand forward. "Let's go," he whispered.

Everyone ran to the hall and just as he said, there was a door with a metal lock on it. Aizawa tried using his scarves to pull it off but the lock was on there tight.

"Kirishima, Sato, give me a hand."

The two boys nodded and made haste, pulling with all their might but it wasn't working. Kirishima tried activating his quirk, but that dead teacher was right; quirks were gone. The red head looked devastated, but he was determined to keep trying.

"It's... It's no use...!" Sato grunted.

"Let me help with that!"

Midoriya heard the voice and could immediately tell who it belonged to. He turned around and gave a relieved smile.

"All Might!"

The golden hero was in his muscular glory, making Midoriya furrow his eyebrows. That was until All Might answered his mental question.

"I was still in this form when quirks stopped working, so I don't know how much time I have left. But it'll be useful right now, so stand back!"

With an effortless pull, the lock was broken and the door was opened. The sunlight was beaming and almost welcoming had they not been in this situation. However, the loud noise from the broken lock alerted the same creatures that took that teacher's life. The creatures looked ghastly; They were grey with visible pulsing veins, had no eyes, holes on the sides of their head for ears, and they made the most horrible screeching noises.

"W-WHAT THE FUCK ARE THOSE THINGS?!" Bakugou screamed.

Aizawa acted immediately. "WE HAVE TO GO, HURRY!"

"Come on, All Might!" Izuku urged him, and his idol nodded.

The group made haste and ran out the door and both teachers quickly closed it behind them. All Might used the last bit of his strength to bend some stray metal, tucking it inside the handle so it was impossible to break through. A yard full of green bushes and grass were in front of them, and everyone kneeled to catch their breath.

"Is everyone alright?" All Might asked, slowly returning to his deflated form.

The other students nodded, but Midoriya looked up only to see the chaos in front of him. Buildings had been set on fire on the inside, there were dead bodies on the streets and cars that crashed into poles or into each other. Uraraka covered her mouth, in complete shock.

"Oh my god...," Uraraka muttered under her breath.

"I-Is this seriously happening? Are we really in a zombie apocalypse or something?" Kaminari asked in a panic.

"Quirks stopped working... People are dying...," Todoroki muttered in disbelief, looking down at the ground. He then gasped. "My mother...!"

The two-toned haired boy ran up to the teachers in a panic. "Aizawa-sensei... All Might... I have to go to my mother! I need to see if she's alright...!"

"My parents too!" Uraraka chimed in with worry. However, a voice called behind her.

"Ochako...? Ochako..!" A woman called. The brunette immediately turned around. Her mother got out of her car and ran to her daughter in a desperate manner. They embraced each other the moment they touched.

"W... Where's dad?" Uraraka asked. Her mother then looked down with painful eyes.

"Ochako... He didn't make it. He told me to run but as soon as I left, all I could hear was his screaming...," She looked up with tears in her eyes. "He's gone, sweetheart. He's... He's g-gone..."

Uraraka shook her head in disbelief and began crying in her mother's arms. Deku began tearing up, as did almost the rest of their class, and Todoroki began to grow even more worried.

"Aizawa-sensei, please...," He begged.

Aizawa shut his eyes tightly. "We need to stick together. We barely made it out alive, we can't lose anyone...! We need to find shelter before anything else...!"

All Might furrowed his brows. "It'll be faster if we split up. One of our own lost their parent. We can't make them wait, Shouta. We also need to find the other heroes to see if they survived. We need all the help we can get...!"

Midoriya was stuck. He didn't know what the best course of action is. Should they:

• split up?

• or stick together?

[hellomissmabel]

For Infinity (II)

MASTERLIST

Pairings: Tony x Muse!reader

Warnings: None.

Word count: 3k

Summary: When Hades kidnapped Persephone and took her with him to the Underworld, the Goddess Demeter cursed the muses because they were unable to stop Hades. She casted them out to Earth where they would die slowly, as muses can’t live on Earth for longer than a few days at a time. But Zeus showed his daughters mercy and granted them a powerful amulet. It allows them to remain on Earth, unharmed, as a human, for one whole year. But if they wish to continue their life on Earth, they will have to find their soulmate within the next year. If they don’t, they’ll die.

A/N: My prompt was “Life taken, life given”. Someone also requested a shy reader, so here ya go :) Written for @shurios aka @shamptain-shmerica

Series masterlist can be found here

Gamora found her soulmate.

When your eldest sister Peggy called you up in the middle of lunch with your sister Sif, you had a very hard time faking happiness, Hermes’ warning haunting you still. Apparently his name is Peter Quill and he also works at the faculty of Astronomy where Gamora is a teaching assistant. He just got hired and on his first day of work, they asked Gamora to show him around. It didn’t take long for Gamora’s amulet to light up in a vivid blue and when she touched it, the colour spread through her veins.

That was about two weeks ago and everything has been very uneventful ever since. No end of times, no big volcanic eruption of some sorts, no alien invasion in New York. It makes you wonder if Hermes truly is delirious after all. You never know with those Gods, always drunk on elixir. Nevertheless, you keep an eye out on Gamora just in case. Even though she’s found her soulmate, nothing bad happened – yet.

“So how’s work?,” you ask your sister Sif, who is the muse of History, currently working at the New York Public Library.

Sif brushes away a curly strand of dark hair, chuckling happily. “Really good, actually. There are two guys that come in regularly, one a blond and the other has long, black hair. I’ve already established eye contact with him. As for the blond, we’ve had a short discussion about Greek Mythology. Of course I won. My amulet even lit up afterwards!”

She winks cheekily and you laugh with her. “Of course you did.” Taking a huge bite of your bagel, you remember you still have to ask her for her car keys. “I wanna drive to Stark Tower. Can I borrow your car?” You try to act as innocently as possible, giving her your sweetest smile, but Sif isn’t oblivious.

“Stark Tower?,” she hums impressed, pointing her knife at you before taking another forkful of her tuna salad. “What are you up to?”

Considering keeping it a secret for a little while longer, you eventually tell her anyway. “I’ve got a job interview!”

Sif’s face breaks into a sincere smile. “Look at you!” And then she gives you a matter-of-factly look. “Finally, though. You’re the last one to get a job.”

“I don’t have it yet,” you defend yourself, a little hurt by what your sister thinks of you. “But it’s a step in the right direction. Last week I was complaining to Wanda about that audition that didn’t go well. And then the day after I get an e-mail from my agency that someone’s looking for a personal assistant and that they expect me for a job interview at Stark Tower today at four.”

“Don’t you think it’s a little odd?,” Sif comments on your story,” Stark Tower? Tony Stark? The guy you told me about you met at Starbucks, when your stone was glowing so much?”

Your eyebrows crunch up in confusion as you don’t really see the connection. “What’s that gotta do with anything? I only talked to him for like, five seconds?”

Rolling her eyes, she puts down her cutlery and leans her chin on her hands, studying your reaction. “I’m not saying this man, Tony Stark, is your soulmate, but that you’re invited to a job interview at his tower… isn’t that at least a little bit suspicious?”

As it starts to dawn on you, you forget about your bagel and screw the cap back up on your water bottle, throwing it in your backpack. “Yeah, it is.” Getting up, Sif stands up from her seat as well, unable to get a read on you. “I’m going over there now.”

“Don’t do anything stupid,” your sister advices you but from that sparkle in her eyes you can tell she’s all up for the idea. “Take my car. But bring it back to me at five, that’s when I get off work.”

“Deal,” you smirk while pecking her skin and giving her a quick hug. “Wish me good luck.”

When Sif got her job at the library, they gave her a small budget to get a car. Of course she managed to track down a second-hand vintage car and with a little magic, she restored the vehicle to its former glory and now her car is your favourite car, too.

On the drive from Brooklyn to Manhattan, you keep your mind busy with questions about Tony Stark. Is Sif on the right track? When you stop in front of  a red light, you look down at the amulet. It’s a dull red now, but it has stayed red every since that meeting. It shifted to blue when you were with your sisters at the apartment, when you read the e-mail and burst into a fit of giggles.

It’s not easy to find a parking space, but as soon as you do, you rush into the building and tell the lady your name. She looks at her computer and nods. “Ninth floor, ma’am. You can just join the other candidates and wait until they call for you.”

So there are other candidates. Perhaps Sif is wrong after all. The elevator opens on the fourth flour first and then on the fifth, sixth, seventh and you’re starting to really lose your patience. So when the elevator opens on the eight floor, you pinch your nose and sigh loudly.

“Someone’s in a bad mood.”

You know that voice. You recognise that voice. That voice gives you chills. And turns you into a fucking tomato as well. What is it with this guy that he can make you feel all warm and fuzzy and at the same time anxious and on edge?

“Fuck,” you mumble under your breath, your hands shaking a little when you lock eyes. “Hi, Tony.”

He grins at your weak voice, finding it adorable. “Hi, Y/N. Fancy seeing you here.”

“I – I was invited for a job interview,” you tell him with a tight-lipped smile, trying not to show him you’re nervous. “Got an e-mail saying I should be here by four but I’m – euhm, a little early.”

“For the assistant position?” You nod and the corners of his lips tug downwards, his eyes losing their shine and shifting int a dull brown. “We already got someone for that position, love. They hired her just now.”

Stuttering in surprise, you see the elevator opens on the ninth floor. But you don’t get off, you’re glued to the spot, your eyes searching Tony’s for an explanation. “I told the girl behind the desk to send everyone home like, maybe a minute ago?”

“Oh,” is your only response. Seems like you just missed your shot. “Yeah, I think she already sent me on my way before she got the call.”

Tony feels incredibly sorry for you, especially since it’s the third time you’re running into each other and he does think you’re quite cute, even more so when you blush. Clearing his throat, he tells you that if he had known you were invited as well, he would’ve been there for the interview.

“My staff informed me that her name is Pepper and that I’ll be meeting with her for dinner this evening to get to know each other a bit better,” Tony says and now you truly feel as if the ground is crumbling under your feet.

“She must’ve been very convincing, or my staff wouldn’t have hired her straightaway…,” he mumbles in an attempt to keep the conversation going, getting jumpy himself as he’s never acted this awkwardly around any woman ever before.

The door to the elevator closes again, but you don’t notice. The only thing you do notice is your amulet, pulsating through your clothes and leaving a small burn mark on your skin. “Auch!,” you exclaim, your fingertips quickly unclasping the necklace and stuffing it in your pocket.

“You okay?” Tony’s brows furrow in concern, but you moved too swiftly for him to catch any more than a glimpse of your ruby.

“Yeah,” you release a shuddering exhale, the stone now burning a hole in your pocket and eventually falling through the seams. It clatters loudly on the elevator floor, drawing Tony’s attention instantly.

Obviously you can’t pick up the stone as it’ll leave a nasty wound on the palm of your hands. Thinking it’ll burn Tony as well, you yell out a high-pitched “no!” as he leans down to pick it up – effortlessly. The stone doesn’t hurt him, it doesn’t burn his hands and neither does Tony understand why you just screamed “no!” on the top of your lungs.

Bouncing the stone from one hand to the other, he studies you curiously. “It’s a lovely necklace. Shame it’s broken, but I can fix that for you? The stone’s quite a stunner, too.”

How is it possible the stone’s too hot for you but not for Tony? And you seem to remember that Pepper, your sister whom he just hired as his assistant, thought the stone was too hot either? What’s the deal with these stones? You’re getting increasingly confused by them.

“No, you don’t have to fix it.” But Tony sees this as the perfect excuse to take you down to the lab and has already pressed the right button before you can refuse.

Tony takes you down to his shop where he is constantly working on new Iron Man armour. You are practically gawking at all the suits on display as he walks you through his desk, his hand splayed on your back and a cocky smile on his lips. Tony pulls out a chair for you and sits you down while he looks around his tools for the right ones to fix your necklace with.

“So, Y/N,” he says softly as he throws a look at you over his shoulder, “What kind of job are you looking for? And I mean, really looking for, because I know being a secretary isn’t exactly anyone’s dream job, right?”

He is back to his confident ways, inspecting the delicate golden necklace and deciding the best approach to fix it. He doesn’t want to touch the stone in fear of damaging it, but he’s very skilled and can be very precise, so he starts working on it anyway. Pocking his tongue out in concentration, Tony keeps his ears attentive as you speak.

“Well,” you clear your throat and put a little more volume behind your voice, afraid it’ll be overpowered by Tony’s tinkering. “I love music and poetry. I’ve been to a fair share of auditions but nobody wanted me, not even as an extra. I’ve been doing some odd jobs here and there to help pay for rent, food and clothes too if necessary, as I live with two of my sisters and don’t wanna take advantage of them for much longer.”

“How many sisters do you have?,” Tony asks you curiously, admiring his work, his back still turned to you while finishing up on your amulet.

“Eight sisters.”

Tony’s head snaps in your direction, his voice sounding a little scandalous. “Eight???”

“My father… he… He has mastered the art of cheating.” Your reply prompts a chuckle from Tony’s lips, who hands you back the necklace. Smiling gratefully, you accept the stone but have to clench your teeth at the warmth still radiating from it.

Tony doesn’t seem to notice as he offers to help you put it on. “No, it’s okay. I’m afraid I’m going to lose it anyway, so I’m just gonna put it in my backpack for now.”

Nodding with a sly smile, Tony leans against his desk and plays with a screwdriver. “So, eight sisters. How does that work? You all live in New York.”

“We split up in groups of three. I live in Brooklyn with my sisters Gamora and Wanda. My youngest sister Shuri lives in Queen with Peggy and Sharon. Sif, Maria and…” Biting your lower lip, you’re unsure if you should tell him Pepper really is your sister, but there is no way back now. “And Pepper live in Manhattan.”

You cross your fingers in the hope that he doesn’t make the connection, but Tony is a genius and as he does a facepalm, you gaze down at your hands in your lap. “Pepper is your sister…,” he mumbles under his breath. “Why didn’t you say so right away?”

You chew on your lip a little longer, until he puts away the screwdriver and crouches down in front of you, lifting your chin with his finger. “Because she deserves this job more than me…,” you eventually whisper quietly.

His smile is warm and understanding, his fingers squeezing yours tenderly. “Musical is more your thing, am I right? So how about I ask around for ya?”

Though you intend to turn him down gently, a small smile breaks through your shy expression. “No, I can’t ask you to do that.”

Smitten by your bashful smile, Tony gives you a wink and pretends to agree even though he will most definitely make a few calls once you’ve left. He holds your gaze just a little longer until he senses you’re getting uncomfortable and then he gets back on his feet again, speaking into the void to a voice you have no clue where it originated from.

“F.R.I.D.A.Y. would you please reschedule my meeting with Pepper?”

“No problem, sir. How about Thursday evening instead?,” the gentle female voice replies.

“Perfect.” Tony clasps his hands together and gives you a gleeful look. “I wanna spend some more time with another sister first.”

“Tony – what are you doing? That’s not fair!”

Extending his hand, Tony swings you off your seat and you softly collide into his chest. “I rescheduled, darling, I didn’t cancel.” Releasing you again but still holding your hand, he grabs one of the many keys hanging from the wall.

Tony guides you through his car collection and towards his Audi R8. “Now, you strike me as a shy girl but I bet…” He stops in front of the driver’s seat and turns to you. “I bet you like fast cars just as much as I do.”

He tells you to hold out your hands and as you do so, he drops the car keys in them, much to your surprise. “So let’s take this baby for a spin!”

Tag list: @melconnor2007 @learisa @mrshopkirk @dont-speak-just-read @buckybarnesappreciationsociety @beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep @lovemarvelousfics @pleasantdreamqueen @petersunderroos @palaiasaurus64 @ssweet-empowerment @lovemarvelousfics @rrwilson66 @reniescarlett  @lostinthoughtsandfeelings @barnes-heaven  @abovethesmokestacks @marvelrevival  @marvel-fanfiction @justanotherbuckydevotee @barnes-heaven  @heartmade-writingbucky @buckyywiththegoodhair @captnbarnesrogers @a-little-hell-to-raise @knittingknerdy  @milkywaybarnes @hymnofthevalkyrie  @feelmyroarrrr @justareader @howlingbarnes  @themcuhasruinedme @persephonesinferno @hollycornish  @delicatecapnerd @tomhollandzs  @aletheladyinred @xbergiex @capbuckybuchanan @pegasusdragontiger   @sebstanchrisevanchickforever19 @sophiealiice @sarahmatthews7 @lumelgy @kudosia @moonbeambucky @suz-123 @breezy1415 @always-an-evans-addict @thefanficfaerie @4theluvofall @curvybihufflepuff @caplansteverogers @amrita31199 @isnt-the-blog-youre-looking-for @holomasque @pineapplebooboo @thefridgeismybestie @supernatural508 @supernaturaldean67 @cant-decide-at-this-moment @mehrmonga @specs15 @kanupps06 @imnotinsanehunny @sarahgracej @jasurahe13 @nerdyandproud9 @geeksareunique @jesspfly @badassbaker @whenallsaidanddone @ailynalonso15 @thebookisbtr @animechick725  @true-queen-of-mischief @crazy-little-thing-called-buck @ugh-supersoldiers @me221187 @california-grown

Tag list for “For Infinity”: @yourpal-yourbuddy-yourbuckyy @thevanishedillusion @thequeerishere555 @shamelessbookaddict

[hippymarshmallow]

I got my beautiful new Journeyer Tarot from Threads of Fate yesterday.

Firstly, I just want to say that their customer service was absolutely magical. I’d read on their website to be careful about the energy you send; and honestly, it felt like the good feels I sent were returned tenfold. I’d emailed them with a question about something, and the staff member (Hannah!) went above and beyond to help me and was so kind and lovely and... Honestly, I really needed to feel that.

And then they arrived and... God, the pictures do not do these cards justice. Even the professional ones on their websites do nothing to capture these cards. They’re stunning. I feel like hugging them to my chest and cooing over them. They’re quite thick, so it’ll take me some time to get used to shuffling them... But guys, I am so fucking enamoured...

So, I cleansed them, let them charge for like... a minute in sunshine (I know we’re not meant to leave cards in the sun, but I had a Feeling okay and it wasn’t too long...)

And then I did my deck interview!!

The deck also indicated it would like to be stored in a drawer (ideally wooden) beside my bed; when not there, it is okay to be on a bookshelf. It does not want to be sealed in a wooden box with its associated Oracle. Lol. Okay!

The interview came with the book, but two cards came out with Limitations (Q3) and two others came out at other times too.

1. Introduce Yourself

Four of Cups - Lack of Interest; Isolating.

2. Deck Strengths

Sovereign (Queen) of Swords - Intellect, Strength, Independence. Insights are second to none. Will always say what you need to hear, even if it’s not what you want to hear. [This is “lol” to me because as I was shuffling, I was asking if the deck was gentle because I Am Baby; apparently the answer is “nope!”]. They can see what’s going on, and help you process and solve it, but they won’t be soft and nurturing. This is someone to go to when you actually want to make a change. It also asks you to work on your boundaries. Excellent at seeking the truth and sifting through the emotional to get to the root of things.

3. Deck Limitations

Conqueror (Knight) of Cups - Romantic, Charming, Emotional. You’re heart-centred, leading with feeling. This isn’t bad, but it needs to be balanced. Don’t get too swept up in things (like a new lover--or perhaps, a new deck ;)) This card isn’t saying “stop” but rather advising that you be mindful and go slow.

Six of Coins - Generosity, give and take. Nuanced and layered.

What I’ve sorta taken from these two cards is... There’s a risk that I’ll dive REALLY hard into these cards, possibly to the exclusion of all other things. Be slow and steady, and don’t just take take take from the cards. Don’t become entirely reliant on them.

4. What does the deck want to teach me?

Ruler (King) of Coins - Abundance, Security, Stability. Ambitious and protective, this card likes to provide for those they care about. This card finds us when we have reached a whole new level. Age, experience, brings a whole new level of understanding. They can provide support, and love doing so. But they may not be the most nurturing or patient; don’t expect them to pull punches in terms of feedback [again... lol. Fuck. This is gonna be a... not gentle deck lmao]. This card indicates a yes. Collaborate, invest, give, spread the wealth. Etc.

5. How can I best honour you?

The Anchor (Emperor) - Structure, Stability, Leadership. When you find this card, it indicates that it is time to build. You need to go ahead and work on achieving your goals. Lose the doubts and insecurities.

6. What would you like our relationship to be like?

Two of Cups - Trust, Compassion, True Partnership. Partnership, one that is balanced and healthy. We are both invested and committed and respectful of each other. This relationship will open up a whole new world for both of you. This relationship is likely to be long-term and fruitful. This card brings a positive message, no matter which way you look at it. [Yayyyyyy]. Be open to all the wonderful things the universe wants to provide.

Extras:

Four of Swords - Rest, Relaxation. Rest and withdraw for a bit. There have been many battles fought, and it’s important to rebuild. Do some nice things for yourself (that aren’t spending money). Dance, meditate, spend time in nature. You’ve faced some challenges, and it’s okay. But if you don’t rest... that’s bad.

Seven of Wands (r) - A period of overwhelm, one where depression, anxiety and stressors are running the show. Having just achieved something great, might be asking “what now?”. Feeling doubt and shrinking confidence. Plug into your passion. If you draw this card, you need to stick to a clear action plan. Now is not the time for indecision or doubt; it’s the time to move.

[yuki-d-raizel-blog]

Believe Me

Chapter 11/??

Relationship: Rin x Reader (Your/Name) , (Full/Name)

Summit: Inside the class there was the same confusion of always, Rin and Bon were fighting over something stupid, Shima and Konekomaru were trying to stop them while Shiemi and Izumo were laughing for the scene. Everything was as always. Until the bell rang. The Exwires notice that the professor was late, but nobody knew why. When the door opened… A new student arrived to the True Cross Academy. She’s smart and strong, still a quiet and solitary person. Moved by a strange feeling, Rin would like to know her, help her if he can but nobody would think that that student was someone so… special.

--- 

In the following days, after training, Rin comes to your place to play, talk and swim in the pool, or to drag you out somewhere he would like to go. Shura notices a huge improvement in Rin and his ability to control flames, so she decides to follow him and know the truth. She was caught by Yukio and his students, so she dragged everyone with her.

They followed Rin in a rich and beautiful villa.

<<What the- Who lives here?!>> she screams whispering, and Yukio tells that (Y/N) is the owner of the house, <<Hah? You’re kidding!>>

<<I’m not. She lives here with her brother.>> he adjusts his glasses and turns his heels, <<I’m not going in.>>

<<Why?>> the woman is curious to know what Rin do when he’s with you.

<<It’s rude to enter without announcement.>> “And she hates it. I don’t want to deal her again.”

<<Let’s go guys!>> Shura and the students break in the propriety and follow the demon carefully.

The group hides in the flowers and looks at Rin relaxing in the pool, while you are in a room watching the TV with a giant wolf. You look so nervous and your eyes are glued on the screen. What are you watching?

<<Ah, Yatsufsa it’s him!>> you pointed at the TV joyfully and Rin comes near too.

<<Is Shion’s turn already?>> he asks going out the pool, <<Woah, that’s an awesome costume!>>

You increase the volume to hear what your brother will say, even if you know that too well. He always says a phrase before the performance, and those words never fail to drive the audience crazy.

<<Now, the prodigy ice skater!>> the commentate is so enthusiastic to introduce Shion, <<He’s a rather quiet person and rarely talks. However, whenever talking about music he always mentions how “fate is written in the stars”. Interviewing his coach, we discovered something new about this mysterious and charming boy! He’s extremely dedicated to his duties to the point of suffering emotional breakdowns->>

<<Yukiya you piece of shit! You didn't have to say that!>> you are throwing chips to the screen, <<Now if Shion loses his change to get the medal due to this shit, I swear I’ll kill you when you come back home!>>

<<Why don’t you go with your brother?>> Rin asks stealing a few chips, <<You train him, right?>>

<<I can’t, Shion is too- Wait a second.>> she turns facing the friend, <<How do you know that?>>

<<Ops… I’ve never said that to anyone!>> he quickly takes a few steps backwards, <<Nobody knows that you’re his coach and prepare everything for him, from the music to the choreographies!>>

<<Double torture for Yukiya when he comes back.>> now she’s focusing again on the competition.

<<He's very hard on himself, as he believes he has to do anything to prove that he’s a valuable member for his brother. He eventually let down his guard and openly smiles and jokes around with everyone, but he is very close to his brother Orion.>> the skaters are warming up while the commentate is taking his time, <<Let’s remember him for a moment. He made his first and maybe last debut with his little brother two years ago, Canada. They performed with a new skate style and they conquested all the world with their voices, songs, and moves! Their win was declared with their duet song, “Immortal Inferno”.>>

<<Yeah, yeah, I remember that! C’mon, let me see my boy win against those idiots!>> Yatsufsa too is moving his tail faster, impatient to see Shion.

A young man skates on the court and stops in the center, the crowd goes complited silent, <<Ladies and gentlemen, Shion is here!>>

He’s still and silent with a microphone on his ear. The silence is cruel, but nobody tries to make a noise to not disturb and not hear the sweet voice of the skater, <<The stars have led me to you; now, whisper my name.>>

The music starts and Shion begans to skate gracefully on the ice. His voice is so deep and hypnotic, even Rin is staring at the TV with wide opened eyes. You sing along with Shion and move a bit your body to release the pressure to watch him trough a screen. The jury is focus on every movement, jumps, the position of the hands, the arms; they are stricter than usual.

<<You can do it…>> you hug tight Yatsufsa and continue to stare at the TV, praying that he doesn’t fall or makes mistakes. You know if that happens, Shion will blame himself for everything and will avoid you for a while. You don’t want it, you want he comes back home, hug you and show at you his pure smile.

Shion sings like a melodic instrument, jumps with an angelic harmony, spins like a top but he hasn't done yet. When the music stops, he stays still, the chest is going up and down with a crazy rhythm.

The audience is quiet like your living-room....

Suddenly, loud screams born into the arena and on the ice court there are so many flowers, flags, sweets, stuffed animals.

<<SHION! SHION! SHION! SHION!>> the entire stadium calls his name like one person.

<<Wow!>> exclaims Rin, he has never seen something like thath before, <<If he won, what->> you’re too focus on the jury. “Shion is really important to her. Look how she is praying for him.”

<<Come on, he did everything perfectly…>> your anxiety is almost palpable, <<Please…>> you close your eyes and hide your face in Yatsufsa’s fur.

….

<<Oh my goodness! That’s a new world record!>> the commentate screams joyfully, and you raise your head to see the score, <<He took a full score! And we know what this mean!>>

<<Oh my god Yatsufsa!!>> you jump off the sofa and join your hands firmily.

<<LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! OUR STAR SHION, RISES AGAIN! HE’LL GOES TO THE WOLRD CHAMPIONSHIP!>> after that scream, the entire stadium explodes with the loudest cheer of all the time.

<<YES! YES! YES! HE DID IT! HE FUCKING DID IT!>> you and Yatsufsa are celebrating the boy’s win; the wolf runs all over the room barking, while you’re crying tears of joy watching Shion’s doing the same on the screen.

Rin is clapping enthusiastic for him. He skated amazingly, his voice was like a blessing, the lyrics too… He deserves the first place more than anyone. Moved by an unstoppable happiness, you jump in Rin’s arm and hug him. He didn’t see you at all, so he loses the balance and both of you fall in the pool.

<<(Y/N), are you crazy?>> he scolds the partner, but you’re too busy on celebrate with Yatsufsa, which is in the pool too. “She is so pure… How can her presence be a catastrophe, I really can’t understand that.”

<<I must text hi->>

<<Not so fast girl.>> Rin grabs your shorts and pulls you back in the water, <<You’re gonna pay for this.>>

<<Wanna fight?>> with an invisible jump, you get on the edge of the pool and with a simple snap, the water is moving like a snake, <<Bring it on!>>

That tecnique hits Shura and her group's attention. They don't know anything like that. You didn't say any sutras or mantras, so what did you done to create a water wall so easily? The questions and dubts about you and your identity grows more and more. Are you an enemy? A spy? Who are you?

<<Woah wait!>> the blue exorcist jumps out and looks at the liquid, <<It's not fair!>>

<<Why?>> you hold the water still with a finger, <<I did the same the other time too. What's the problem?>>

<<Last time you used your swords! What is this?! How can you do that?>>

<<Hahaha look at your face!>> she laughes and moves the liquid, <<I told you at the exam before the mission, remember? I can manipulate Elements, which means I can use fire, water, wind, lightning, ice, light, darkness, earth and steel.>>

<<....Those aren't->>

<<These aren't japanese nor exorcism tecniques, you're right. I learned them in my village. Traditions, you know.>>

<<If you can control them bare handed, why do you use swords?>> Rin is curious, you are so new to him, like a strange but still affascinating lands, <<You told me that you’ve more than two weapons.>>

<<He, it's a secret, sorry.>> you avoided the topic and concluded the issue putting the water back in the pool with a smile, <<However, you’re weak Rin.>>

<<What?!>>

<<You depend too much on  your powers. First, learn how to use a sword.>> going near him, you hit him for adjusting his posture, <<Can you divide the water with a single swing?>>

<<...Like what?>>

<<Ah...>> sighing, she leaves an arm hanging, suddenly, moving it like a clawed hand, she raises it and a strong wind comes... <<Like this.>>

<<....What the hell are you? Really!>> Rin is speachless, all the water leaks from the pool and on the garden there is something like a path, the air you moved was too strong that crushed the grass on the ground, <<You were unarmed too!>>

<<If you move your body like a gear, you can do it too.>> calling Yatsufsa, you order him to bring two training sticks, <<Your sword skills are very bad buddy.>>

<<I'm not that weak!>> Rin protests, even if he knows that is true.

<<Even Shion can beat you. The son of Satan can't lose against a human!>>

<<Shion can't beat me, damn it! I'm more used to fights->>

<<I trained him for self-defense. He knows martial arts very well and can use a few weapons just in case.>> the student crosses her arms and makes a playful grin, <<You can barely use your body correctly->>

<<Ok, I get it! Yukio and Shura are enough!>> Rin sits on the grass and ignores you, <<Fuck.>> a light weight hit him on his blue hair, <<What?>> he has such an angry face, it's kinda cute.

<<I can teach you if you want.>> you pass him a long wooden stick, <<It's not a bother for me, and it’ll save your life one day. I'll make each lesson funny for you, don't worry. I understand which is your best learning method already!>>

<<You’re pretty secure, aren't ya?>> he stands up again and grabs the weapon, <<I'm in your hands again, (Y/N)-sensei!>>

Starting slowly, you show him the basic movements to loosen muscles and joints of the body. Being flexible is a fundamental requirement for learning martial arts. 

As the first lesson continues, Shura and the others decide to retire for the moment, go back to the Academy and reflect on what they have just saw. Rin knows about you more of them, but what exactly? What was all that force that came out of your arm in that istant? Rin said you have more than one sword... So it means that you’re used to fight with various types of weapons and how to take advantage of them. Right now, for the team, the main questions are: who are you and can they trust you? Making an immediate report to Mephisto, the principal decides to tail and watch the two Exwire until holidays are over. As soon as they'll come back, a very complicated mission awaits them.

Shura continues to follow the son of Satan, but one day she finds a powerful barrier surronding your house. Not knowing how to break it, she calls Yukio and the Exwire avaibles to formulate a plan. When they were speaking, the second gate opened, (Y/N) cames out the house and waits with Yatsufsa. While she’s waiting, a young boy suddenly appears next to her.

<<I checked everything, he isn't here.>> he says putting an arm on your shoulder for rest a little, <<If Yukiya finds out the truth we’re all in trouble, you know that, right Master?>>

<<Don't worry Raika.>> you rest your head on his arm, <<I made this barrier for Shion and you guys. I feel something weird in the air today... Bare with me a little longer.>>

<<I’ll be always by your side.>> Raika pats your head and adds sighing, <<Master, you need to sleep more.>>

<<Geez not again...>>

<<I know I'm a pain in the ass, but I'm worried about you. That man broken your peace and I can see that in your actions and your eyes. Do you want to move again?>>

<<No, Shion really likes here. Let's stay a little longer.>>

<<Master, you should stop to carry the burder all by yourself.>> Raika strokes your hair sweetly and his voice is so gentle, <<We’re here with you, so share it with us.>>

<<I'm only afraid, you know that.>> with a sad sigh you raise your head and cross your arms, <<I don't wanna be happy... When I'm too happy, something terrible always happens...>>

<<What you’re afraid of is quite stupid, Master. You’re the strongest in the world, and so we are... We don't go anywhere (Y/N).>>

<<If I'm lose all of you... I'll go crazy... I can't take it; another member of my family who dies on me... Never again...>> deleting all the sad memories, you add: <<You said my name. Call me that more Raika->>

<<Master, Shion is back!>> the boy points at the horizon and a car is moving to your place. Raika goes into the house to prepare something fresh and cool for your brother, today is hotter than usual so it will help him.

A car stops in front the gates and Yukiya is the driver for the occasion. Shion get off with a smiley blondy girl next to him.

<<Shiemi?>> you’re pretty surprised to see her, same as the team that are still watching your movements. Shion says that he finds the classmate on her way here, so he accompanied the young lady to her destination.

<<(Y/N)-san, I'm sorry for the disturb...>> Moriyama is a little embaressed.

"What was that?" you heard something, so smiling, you encourage the two to enter while you will check what was that sound.

---Continue...

Chapter 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18

[whitedreadlocks]

Blog Post #9: The Ultimate Bitch Post - First Leap Education

Name: White Dreadlocks

Location: Zhenjiang fuck still 

Occupation: Reading articles about coping with anxiety. 

Date: 12/07/2017 

Dear the internet,  I’ve kind of reached the stage of acceptance. Yes, my company is kicking me out days before my flight, yes, they’ve decided to pay me practically nothing, yes it is likely I will be financially fucked up until I get a part-time job at home and my student loan is accepted. I am not usually a ‘accept-a-bad-deal’ kind of person but I am emotionally drained. There is no post about Singapore. My company took my passport to cancel my work visa promising it would be five days. It was eleven. My month’s paycheck isn’t enough to cover the flights I missed and none of my employers will respond. But the idea of going into the office and screaming and kicking off AGAIN ultimately leading to tears AGAIN and nothing at all changing AGAIN makes me feel physically ill. So instead I’m going to get my own petty form of revenge in the way of bitching to 12 followers.  If anyone is following this page because they’re considering being a TEFL teacher I have advice: Do it. It’ll be worth it. If you commit and you’re ready to go you’ll grow and mature in more ways than you can imagine. Seeing the world is always a positive thing to do if you’re in a position where you’re able to afford it. 

But don’t go to First Leap Education. 

I was told I’d be unemployed for three weeks. It was two months. I ended up with a drained bank account and 5000 kuai from my last paycheck to last around 6 weeks till they paid me. A week before I flew out they told me I wasn’t in the city they promised in the interview. I’d be in a smaller city. Since I had no money, I had no choice but to continue on and take the job. I couldn’t chose my own apartment because they’d rented one for me. It was one room with no kitchen. They knew we required cooking facilities so they bought me a microwave. Don’t know what I would be microwaving. I don’t have a freezer and the fridge was broken. In this new city the cost of living was lower so my pay wouldn’t be what they promised in the interview. I’d gone from around 18,000 a month to 10,000 most months. The kicker was they knew from the time they interviewed me that there would be no places in the city they offered. First Leap lie to get what they want. It’s a flawless business model. 

NOW HOLD UP HOLD UP moving abroad is a very big deal. You have to be able to roll with the punches, that I believe. It’s never going to be smooth and I knew that from the first time. But I had a job in China. I had a flat, I loved my teaching jobs, I had friends, I was in a major city. I moved company because it made financial sense and I liked the benefits, not because I needed a fresh, new experience. First Leap Education lied through their teeth and stripped all the benefits they promised me.

 I loved my co-workers for the most part. But constant competition and telling everyone how to do their job, offering advice no one asked for got irritating. I had six months teaching experience and was treated like a child. I had bigoted idiots screaming in the office about how they hated black people, how free healthcare shouldn’t exist because if he was too disabled to work he would just die, how abortion was the murder of babies but people shouldn’t have kids they can’t afford and expect help, how Moonlight was disgusting, how he found a 14 year old hot and blamed the actress for wearing make up, how arabs were ugly, how there were hardly any gays in the world anyway so why does it matter? a constant spew of inappropriate shit that completely effected how I worked and never. fucking. stopped. I was taken aside and told to ignore him. We had a presentation about how we should avoid politics in the staff-room. The manager spent the whole time looking at me as though I was the problem. 

Now for the actual leaving let’s see:  I tried to hand in my notice and they told me I couldn’t. When I told them I had to leave and they had no choice a few weeks later, they cut my final paycheck, made me hand over my passport to cancel my visa, threatened to black list me if I didn’t comply and kept referring back to a contract that they hadn’t even signed. I agreed to hand over my passport if they agreed to pay for my flight if I missed it which they agreed to and then retracted. There isn’t fear like being a foreigner in a city without documentation or a way home. My last two weeks have been, oh, just about hell. But it’s coming to an end. And soon I’m gonna pick myself up, find some fucking work, start up uni and write again. But for now I’m gonna have my little online tantrum because I have no time for a company that fakes degrees to get people on Z visas, hires people on illegal visas, treats their employees as if they’re disposable and drops them if their situation is proving to be too dangerous but will threaten a 21 year old with the law unless she complies in all the unreasonable things they demand.  Sincerely, 

White Dreadlocks,  P.S. This is just one experience. Many people have nothing but a positive time with First Leap, I just didn’t. My old company was notorious and genuinely considered worse but I had a great time with them and felt I was listened to. It really is subjective. But if you want my two cents this is it.  Quote of the Day: Home Sweet Parent’s Home For Six More Weeks Dear God. (Try and fit that on a crochet.) 

[mexicoetc]

'Jack Teacher, is time real or is it an illusion?' - Ji-hoon (8 years old)

I went with the hagwon job - location, energy, and mornings - over the kindergarten job - money, soul, and evenings. What with the director’s slightly cryptic emails I wasn’t 100% sure I’d been officially offered the position, so I emailed the American woman who works there and who’d conducted my Skype interview. She was like, ‘Yeh, you’ve got the job. The director trusts my recommendations, and you were the best candidate.’ I asked how many she’d interviewed. She said eight . . I beat all those cunts to it? Really? . . Oh yeh, that’s right: I am capable of making a good impression, especially if the target’s got a brain in their canister. I’d forgotten that, after three years of having my every social interaction lambasted, being called a sociopath, told to 'be nicer’, smile more, laud the vapid, shun the mercurial, French-kiss sophistry, take reason round back and shoot it in the head etc etc.

So tango classes. I booked two ninety-minute private lessons with this very short bald Irish man called Gerry, whose accent had softened to near nonexistence after 16 years teaching tango here, and what I guess was his wife, a dark-skinned and skeletal Argentinian woman called Lucía, who had an infectious but also lunatic smile, and was incidentally the oldest person I’ve ever seen wearing braces - both more than lovely and utterly recommendable.

I’ve done things where the footwork was important before (boxing, hapkido) so working through wiring steps into my muscle memory wasn’t anything new, but when I was asked to do it to the beat of the music, that was. I don’t even know what it means when people say that. I have zero grasp. The fact that my grandad could play the piano by ear is incomprehensible to me. Gerry said that that’s simply not having the confidence to feel the dance rather than think it. And he might have been right. I knew and said to them that in my case confidence was probably more than half the battle, that if I could just feel comfortable moving around and doing simple steps, that would make me happier than if I was actually good at tango but still loath to do it. Gerry said I could get to that level in a few months if I kept learning in Korea, because I was picking it up much quicker than most, and I thought, Come on mate, lies make baby Jesus cry.

It was obvious from the first ninety minute class that tango is something that would take years of assiduity to get any good at. The way Gerry would say, 'Push her with your hand,’ and then when I did that, add, 'When we say push we don’t mean push.’ Oh fucking hell mate: pick up your socks, don’t pick your nose; treat me like a princess, treat me like a whore; do as I say, don’t be a pushover. It’s fine, I get it. I wouldn’t be able to explain how to put a pass on someone’s toe from twenty-five yards, or score a one-on-one, or pot a difficult black. I’d be like, 'Think but don’t think.’ And how long did it take for me to be able to do those things? Well football was all I did every lunchtime from about age 8 to age 16, and as far as I remember I played pool at least two hours a day all the way through year 8 and 9 under the tutelage of the hilarious and psychotic Andy Hardy, who had a full-sized snooker table in his house and whom I personally saw hit breaks of over 50 at least ten times; who got me so good that we used to hustle the year 11’s.

I did notice a little more fluidity in my movements during the second class, which was cool, and I decided to do a third class with all these other couples, after which we would all go to a Milonga. Last night, watching the couples galumphing around crippling each other’s toes in the dancehall of a rundown terrace whose caretaker looked like a thallium-spiked Jeremy Irons, I thought that maybe Gerry hadn’t been lying when he said I was picking it up quickly. Then again, I’d been dancing with him and Lucía, and they were probably elevating me. For all of the couples it was their first class and I kept being referred to by the teachers as 'the expert’ amongst them. Every time they said it I went rubicund with shame, thinking, Please stop saying ludicrous things that make everyone turn to me. I might die. I might die.

The Milonga was cool (free booze), but watching the ordinary people dancing incredibly on the floor - the commonplace, the lanky, the squat, the potbellied, even the frankly ugly - made sexy by their confidence and grace was quite depressing personally. Whenever I learn something, at whatever stage of learning I’m at, the nice sense of progress is always tainted somewhat by the regret that I didn’t learn it earlier. Boxing and hapkido: 'Why didn’t I learn this when I was eight? That way I wouldn’t have gone through school perpetually terrified that one day everyone might suddenly work out I only looked psychotic.’ Even though, as my dad said, 'But they never did, did they.’ Korean: 'Why didn’t I learn a weird language when I was in my teens busy cursing the waste of time every other subject was apart from literature and history? I’d be bilingual by now.’ Tango: 'Why didn’t I learn to dance as soon as I was aware that dancing was the thing most mortifying to me, i.e. fucking donkey’s years ago?’

It would be quite tempting to end this blog by miserably repeating what the amazingly named Benny Profane says in Thomas Pynchon’s V before he disappears from the chaotic narrative: 'Offhand I’d say I haven’t learned a goddamn thing.’ I mean, outside of my Central American capitals, which I confess were shaky, I haven’t; my Spanish has gotten worse; I’ve had most stereotypes reinforced; I’ve continued to use Tinder even after my first experience showed that after fucking a girl I don’t like or even know, even if she’s hot, I get back home hollow as hollow can be, thinking, God, I wish I was dead. However, I began this blog by saying that time doesn’t exist, but that it’s hard to concur when you’re swamped with regret, and I’m finding it hard to concur again, because time allegedly heals all wounds, and during these last four months a lot of healing has gone on. I’ve slit myself open with razors and wrung out accumulated poisons; I’ve sat quite still and thought myself to madness; I’ve walked and walked; my plantar fasciitis has disappeared; from my writing, the painful cliches and mundane longueurs and strained metaphors and precocious phrases and alliteration for its own sake have all been sniffed out, extracted, and liquidated without trial.

How can healing have gone on if I haven’t learnt anything? It’s possible to do so (I could fix my plantar fasciitis then aggravate it again, or get into another toxic relationship), but in this case I feel the answer is that of course learning has gone on, only it hasn’t been anything to do with the Americas - these places have merely provided the temporal and spatial dislocation that facilitates it … I can’t go back to 1999 and learn to fight and speak Chinese and dance, but I can go back to Korea. And now, having learned a little about myself and how I related to that country, I feel I deserve another crack. It started off so well, and I got as lost as I wanted to, but then I got so lost I lost myself. I got bitter, and rallied too much against things that didn’t matter. I’m not gonna do that anymore. I’ll do the peace sign in photos, I won’t get annoyed when people ask me if I’m cold, if a girl I’m dating wants us to wear identical t-shirts, I’ll just do it. It’ll be a return exactly four years on from when I first arrived - similar job, similar circumstances - and I feel that this time it won’t be John Terry taking the fifth penalty, but Didier Drogba.