#and then fixing it because i don't want my boy to suffer that badly

[after-hours-in-the-library]

Guess I got to start this blog somewhere

How would they react to waking up with a boner next to you 

For some reason I can't really write lighthearted things for Alan, sigh

Not really nsfw but kinda suggestive?

If earth could swallow them they would accept it in a heartbeat. 

Poor sweet Kaito is the first one I think that would accidentally get too excited to be sleeping next to his SO and get hard. He is already suffering, don't look at him disgusted, he WILL cry.

Luca is startled like it's the first time happening, apologizing for putting you in an awkward situation. Pat his shoulder and tell him it's alright.

Alan still has some kind of complex of seeing himself as too worn out, a killer and a criminal, and in contrast seeing his partner in a much better light. When he gets hard while sleeping together he almost feels like when he is cleaned the blood off of his fists after an underground fight, whatever rag he grabbed now tainted too.

Sweet baby Subaru feels oh, so bad at the slightest feeling he might be imposing himself on you at any point, be it date plans, shared activities or what to eat for dinner. He removes himself out of the  situation and sends a three paragraph long text apologizing and understanding if you want to break up and not see him anymore.

Doesn't make a big deal out it if you don't react badly

Sho reads books, even if it doesn't look like it, and knows that morning wood usually doesn't happen because of sexual stimuli. Sho also gets a bit bashful at having woken next to you like that, tsk-ing at your teases while he looks away.

‘boys are just like that' Haku might cover with a pillow if you feel uncomfortable or awkward but he will be cracking jokes about the situation to lighten up the mood.

Is like ‘whatever’ and doesn't do anything to hide it

Jin, as nonchalant as ever, doesn't think much about it, he might go to the bathroom and fix his problem if you fuss a bit but otherwise he will stay lying down listening to music.

Towa is a free spirit and rarely cares about morals or common decency, doing as he pleases most of the time, it's no wonder he looks curious when you get surprised at the tent in his pants.

Ed decides it isn't that big of a deal, when you live for so long some insecurities and things you get embarrassed about start mattering less and less. 

Even if Subaru did his best teaching him, Lyca doesn't understand many human sensibilities, like not smelling people or yelling when someone talks smack, it's no wonder he almost seems surprised at your reaction 

Makes you feel like you are the weird one for even noticing 

Leo, the little bitch he always is, will find a way to make it awkward, be it saying you are a perv for looking far down to accuse you of planning it.

Ren is a somewhat mixed case bc on one hand he makes you feel like the weirdo ‘why are you so interested in my groin. Sexual harassment’ but on the other he is internally crying at how awkward it's.

Good luck even getting into that situation 

If you think you can catch Thoma off guard nice try —at least so early into the relationship— he prides himself in being able to act the part of a gentleman so even if it happened you wouldn't wake up or even notice.

Haru is too tired, too busy and doesn't have enough time to cuddle with you to sleep.

Can Zenji even get an erection?

Good luck getting Rui comfortable enough with getting close to sleep next to each other.

[villainofmyownstory]

Blurry

masterlist

next ->

pairing: exhusband!Captain John Price x fem!Reader

summary: You visit your ex-husband, in your once shared home. The memories are painful. But only for you. Unfortunately, after that one bloody mission, John doesn't remember you. The memory of your life together, blurred in his mind.

tags: afab reader, hurt, ex lovers, ex-husband, recollection of death, loss of memory , ambiguous/open ending

1.6 k words

author's note: Once I wrote some random thoughts about our gorgeous captain. Today I've put it all together. Comments welcome, let me know if it's worth writing another part, because I don't know what to think. I guess I like sad stories…. and can't get the ex-husband plot out of my mind. Sorry not sorry <3

——————————————————————————————————

The clock ticked quietly somewhere in the distance, deep in the corridor, steadily, rhythmically. The water in the kitchen tap dripped, quietly reminding you that you need to change the gasket but also to fix some other things in the flat. Even though you moved here a few months ago, you still don't feel at home. You feel uncomfortable. Like a guest in a hotel. All the objects seemed foreign, belonging to someone else. Or maybe nobody's. Everything has been renovated, painted, bought and new. Just for you.

Cat curled up in a ball, lies next to you on a small red sofa. And in front of you on a small, vintage coffee table steams warm coffee. Another one that day. The only meal for many weeks. You rub your eyes, even though no more tears have appeared in them for days. It still burns you and you feel this tingling under your eyelids. Something like fine sand, irritating your eyeballs and hurting the soft delicate flesh of your eyelids. You try to take it in stride. On days like these, weekends, holidays, when you are left alone in a small flat. You fall apart into millions of pieces. Alone. The pain under your ribs, the pressure in your sternum, your throat squeezed like in a vice. Memories haunt you at every step. A constant battle with the past, something you beg for every sleepless night to finally go away. To be finally erased. You should burn the photos, throw away the gifts. Bury the past at last. To move on. After all, this is what you wanted. A lot of time fighting, trying. Days of sweat shed, of anger, of trying again and again. And in the end, powerlessness.

Sunk in your thoughts, you stare, with heavy eyelids, at the empty space under the TV. Once, in another warm home, the shelf was filled with DVDs of one's favourite films. Classic.

A familiar sound interrupts your gloomy rush of thoughts. Looking at the phone screen, you smile slightly. Your boys have been calling every day. ‘Hi Johnny’ You say with a grunt, trying to chase away the sad thoughts, not letting him know that you are tormenting yourself with the past again.

You should not agree. The paperwork you signed, and the arrangements in the documents, were approved, many months ago. That was not the deal. This is not how you discussed the contract. This is not why you are sitting here now. Yet, you can't say no to them. Not after all they've given up their lives, made sacrifices and…

Sitting in an old rusty cheap car. In your familiar driveway, in this new, friendly neighbourhood. You hesitate to get out. Your hands are sweaty, in a firm grip on the worn-out steering wheel. So you give yourself a few minutes to calm down. You never wanted to show them, him, that you were continuing to suffer badly. That you haven't really moved on.

You have to be tough.

As the door finally slams shut behind you with a quiet click, the same scent reaches your nostrils once again. Earthy and heavy from the cigars and the cherry wood burning in the fireplace, a slightly sweet smoke with a subtle fruity aftertaste, with a slight bitter note. A scent so familiar, so close. But it's not your scent. The resignation has been signed. The decision had been made. There was no going back. Johnny stands in front of you looking at you apologetically. ‘Sure I understand. Duty calls.’ You say gently squeezing his shoulder in a gesture of understanding. Or maybe you want to convince yourself that you're not angry. There's no problem. Some kind of confirmation that it's not their fault you have to be here again. That you are standing in this big modern house, from a dream project . In the place that was supposed to be your home.

Of course boys hired 24/7 nursing. But also they themselves, his squad soldiers, alternated days and nights here. They practically lived here. So if the medical caretaker went for a few days' holiday and the three men had to go on a sudden urgent mission for a few days. It was your job to be here and help. You couldn't let them down. You could not say no. You could not answer the phone. Pretend it doesn't concern you. You had to be here. You had to be strong. For him.

When you are finally left alone in the hallway and the big car disappears around the corner. You feel that hole in your heart, opening up again. Those missing pieces to fill it. They are just behind a thin, wall. A couple of steps. A few seconds.

When you finally stand in the large room, as usual, dark curtains hang from the ceiling to the floor, covering the terraced windows. The semi-darkness of the room has always accompanied him when he watches movies. You stare at his profile illuminated by artificial television light. Despite the years spent in the army, the many litres of blood shed, the many scars on his body. He continued to watch the same films. War movies, classics. The screams and gunshots accompanied him since he opened his eyes and when he closed them. It was already burned into his mind. Written into his gut. It's just a shame that this one fucking wound, made him forget. He forgot about you. ‘Hi.’ You say uncertainly standing in the corner of the couch. You can't look at him.

You don't want to see the ocean blue of his irises, the wrinkles around his eyes. The slightly grey hair. The little freckle on his nose. The fidgety trimmed beard - which his boys were now taking care of. ‘Oh, mornin’ ‘ His voice seems even deeper to you, slightly hoarse. Perhaps already stranger. ‘How are you feeling today. Captain?’ You spit out the last word like a poisonous snake. You want to say something completely different. To shout what you said to him every night. Every morning intertwined when you were here, together. Alone. ‘You don't have to be so official, ma'am. I'm out of the army.’ John is gallant as ever. It's the same every damn time. Ma'am, lady. Miss. He's never said your name since that day. Forgotten. That hole in your heart, never to be filled by his pieces again.

The conversation goes on as usual, John again thinking you are just another medical assistant employed by his former teammates. Brothers in arms. Brothers in war. Brothers in the last of the battles. You want to shout to him how much you hate him, how much you despise him. How much it aches you. How much it hurts you that he doesn't remember anything. A bloody mission. Yet, as usual, you sit and listen once again to the same questions, the stories. As if you've turned on that worst episode of your favourite show again. The last one.

Every time he leaves. During every time he was away. On every such occasion. You were ready for the funeral. The black dress continued to hang in that wardrobe, a few rooms away.

Perhaps it would have been better if it had simply been buried six feet underground. In an oak dark box. Cold and with an equally empty head about you. Maybe it would be easier for you that way. You've already said goodbye to one light casket with his last name on it. Because that hole in your heart was much bigger than the missing fragments of your husband, ex-husband.

For a longer monologue, more memories, of his past work. Of his previous life. What you counted as ‘before’. Because what was ‘after’ was a blur. No matter. John stares at you, finally taking his eyes off the TV. The end credits move lazily across the large TV screen. You smile slightly when your gazes finally meet. He is handsome still. Maybe even more beautiful than you remembered him. It would seem that the man's calm face does not hide his wounded, hollow mind.

Physically he looks maybe even better than during his time in the army. In fact, better than at the time of your marriage. Unwittingly the corners of your mouth gently lift up. Doubtless Simon has been training with him, the hard workouts and the proper diet prepared by the new Captain are yielding great results. A well-deserved successor. A plain red t-shirt lightly framed John's broad, muscular shoulders. Grey casual sweatpants once too loose were now gently stretched around his massive thighs.

You don't have the strength to explain to him once again who you are. So when he once again addresses you as a total stranger you don't react. You wanted so badly to climb on his thighs, to punch him in the chest, maybe even scratch him. To make him feel some kind of pain at least for a moment, that thing you feel non-stop, something to bring you two together again. Feel his heart beat faster, and enter his mind, scratch out every shadowy particle. To brighten and put your memories there. Ours.

Nothing in this house resembles that life anymore. There are no pictures here. There are no flowers. There is no more laughter and joyful banter. No more singing and quiet murmurs of delight. The three of you are gone.

Finally, as you lower your gaze to his hands, which hesitantly stroke the fabric of the armchair. The image is blurred. Finally, tears well up in your eyes. You can no longer see a trace of the ring. No lighter stripe stands out on the slightly tanned skin. There is no faint hollow in the fleshy part of his worked-up ring finger. Although everything is a blur. The gold glistens gently reflecting the soft light of the television. The object that was such an important symbol. A vow. A promise. As if playfully winking at you.

[yellowocaballero]

⭐ utopia, but any other fic will do if you already got a lot of asks about it!

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨💫⭐💫⭐💫⭐💫⭐🌟🌟🌟🌞🌞🌞🌞🌠🌠🌠🌠🌌🌌🌌🌌🌌🌃🌃🌃🌉🌉🌉💖💖💖🇦🇺🇱🇷🇸🇧🇻🇪🇻🇳🇺🇸 heres some more stars so u talk more

This is so sweet I'm dying. I'm deceased. Killed. Rambling it is.

“I get why Sasuke-teme had to leave Konoha, Tobi-sensei. He has to keep walking forward with his precious people, and all the bad people in Konoha just bring out the teme in him. Even if I don’t like it…” Naruto’s expression fell, but resolution rose strongly in him too. “But there’s people in Konoha I just can’t abandon. That means I can’t abandon Konoha, and I can’t give up on it. Somebody has to stay and make it better. I won’t run away. I’ll give Konoha a second chance, and me and my friends are going to make it into a place as great as Sakuragakure. I’ll make Konoha into a place that Sasuke-teme can come home to.” Naruto nodded firmly, implacable. “Kakashi-sensei feels the same way. Konoha’s our home. You and Sasuke-teme really hate Konoha, but Kakashi-sensei and I are going to make it into a home you can like again! So you guys can come visit us! Okay?”

Naruto doesn't have a huge role in this story. Of course, he's also the most important character. Everything in the story turned on his fulcrum - on the actions that he hadn't taken yet, born from the resolve of a man who was still a boy. He saved the day, not through his own actions, but through the ripple effect that his actions had on the world and the people within it. He also has no idea. He also can't read.

Naruto Uzumaki is not particularly interested in a utopia. He's not interested in much beyond ramen and becoming the Hokage and Sasuke. He's not interested in the weight of someone's sins and their potential for redemption, despite being ninja Jesus. I think Naruto only cares about if you want to be a good dude - and if you don't want to be a good dude today, if you'll want to be a good dude tomorrow.

Both Naruto and Sasuke were hurt badly by Konoha. It was important that Sasuke leave Konoha - that he be able to leave the world that hurt him, and find a happier new home. But it was important that Naruto stay too - that there was somebody who was willing to take his crap world by the horns and fix what already exists, to make his world a better place. I think both types of people are necessary, and that the ability to make the choice is necessary too. You can't create a better world by playing by the rules of a broken system, but you can't create a better world by giving up on it either.

I think while reading Naruto you have to kinda go, 'damn bitch stop trying to over perform just to earn the right to exist, their acceptance will always be conditional'. You can't Hokage people into loving you. But you can't create a better world by sticking a bunch of orphans in a tree, either. To me, Naruto is the necessary person who wants to fix what he has.

Obito does not understand that. He's convinced that he understands the gospel of Naruto very well. He does not. At all. He willfully misinterprets it, because it doesn't reinforce what Obito needs to believe. It doesn't let him feel what he wants to feel.

If he did understand it, he would realize something extremely obvious: that Naruto had been able to save Obito because of Naruto's own suffering, not despite it. Obito hypothesizes that suffering creates bad people, but Naruto utilized his own suffering as a tool for empathy and compassion. By Obito's own reasoning, Naruto is a 'dirty person' who wouldn't belong in the own utopia that he inspired. He's trying to build a heaven that Ninja Jesus wouldn't be welcome in. It's a massive logical flaw that Obito knows exists and blatantly ignores.

Why does Obito ignore this? Because it undermines his whole nihlistic, absolutist, deterimistic worldview, mostly. But also because that would imply that people with narrative parallels to Naruto might, hypothetically, deserve to be saved, and would have a place in Utopia. And, like, ya know, can't have that.

[itsclydebitches]

Did I just saw with my own two eyes an episode, where Ted’s mother shows up and acts in this very disinterested “I am not interested in you and your achievements whatsoever, you are not even the main attraction of this trip and I’m going to tell you that in this indirect passive-aggressive way, but at the same time I AM here because I am displeased with you, now guess what’s wrong while I tell lies about you to your friends and colleagues. The lies that are kind of nice but also lies and it makes you feel uncomfortable and I do not care”.

And then Ted goes back to Kansas where he can’t have his career, his friends, but he will be in contact with Michelle (who dates their couple therapist, and that is something that makes Ted very uncomfortable) and mom???? Like? And Henry never asked him to return and in fact is not suffering at all. Henry is shown to be fine. He never has meltdowns when he leaves London, he doesn’t express any hurt feelings towards Ted. They seem to just have an unconventional arrangement and Henry misses Ted, but doesn’t feel neglected. It also seems like his mom just believes that Ted should be home with his son, an unassuming father who doesn’t have public panic attacks and causes her embarrassment??? Because the way she showed him the clippings from the papers?? Boy! I don’t know how else to interpret that tbh

Ted has just achieved one of the best moments in his career and his mom actively and purposefully poisoned that moment for him, this whole thing is being contrasted to Jamie’s mom, I just don’t believe that Ted is going to stay in Kansas. That can’t be.

Also I feel like the tedependance tinfoil hat is not a tinfoil hat at all because actually! Ted having suppressed a huge part about himself (bisexuality), and not being able to live his life because of his roots works really well here.

It's precisely readings like this that make me hope a permanent Kansas ending can't be possible and likewise believe that if that is our ending... Ted Lasso will have failed in a pretty significant way. Even just a few episodes ago I was fully on team, "I 100% don't want Ted to return to Kansas, but if he does I accept that this was an ending long in the making and just because I personally dislike it doesn't make it bad." Now though? They've introduced so much lately -- and emphasized so much else from past seasons, like Ted's rocky relationship with Michelle/Jake -- that I just can't read Kansas as a positive ending for Ted anymore. It's not just me and my preferences anymore, I don't think that ending fits the show, period. Is, in fact, a betrayal of everything Ted Lasso has argued for.

Ted's mom was a big part of that feeling this episode, as you've nicely laid out, anon. It's no coincidence that in an episode titled "Mom City," Ted's story with his mother does not run parallel to Jamie's (unfailingly supportive, knows him better than he knows himself, Jamie comes to her when he's ready, an act of agency that Dottie doesn't allow Ted), but rather closer to Jamie's dad. Which I don't mean as a way to say, "She's abusive!" but rather the more nuanced take that we end the episode on: You can forgive someone while still acknowledging that they've hurt you so badly. Ted, normally so polite with his "Oh boy"s and "Darn"s and "Shucks"s really says it all with a string of direct, angry, "Fuck you"s. That level of anger and disappointment will not be magically fixed with one dinner. By continually introducing Kansas-aligned characters that make Ted uncomfortable at best, uncharacteristically angry at worst, it HEAVILY sells the idea that the space itself is no longer healthy for him. He can slowly rebuild those relationships -- and arguably should -- but that's not the same thing as throwing himself back into their mix. Allowing Ted to stay in London with visits from his family is akin to Jamie remaining removed from his dad, but sending him a text on his own terms.

As for Henry, yeah. I've been arguing for ages that Henry does not act like someone who feels abandoned and the few arguments I've seen fans bring up aren't very persuasive to me. Basically, framing every normal child struggle as a result of Ted's distance. Henry being a short-term bully is not automatically some cry for attention tethered to an absent dad -- there's no evidence for that, especially when Henry uses Ted's own teachings to realize his mistake and apologize -- and him being sad with Beard is because he's finally seeing his dad and Ted is ignoring him. I'd be sad too if I hadn't seen someone in a while and they were spiraling instead of hanging with me. That doesn't mean I need them to drastically change their life to accommodate me in new ways. Henry as a character needs to be allowed to make mistakes without that automatically reflecting badly on what Ted has chosen for his own happiness and mental health. Anyway, yeah, Henry has consistently been shown to likewise be happy, well-adjusted, and fully engaged with Ted through visits/over Zoom, so this claim that Henry needs his dad in this way doesn't jive with three seasons of Henry flourishing through Ted's parenting this other way.

All of which means that, frankly, I think we should take Dottie's "Your son misses you" with a serious grain of salt. That's a damn broad statement because of COURSE Henry misses Ted and vice versa, but that basic reality of missing people in life when you're separated from them doesn't mean he misses him in the way that I think Dottie is implying: he's hurting to an extent that you need to fix in this specific way (moving back home). Beyond everything you've listed about how Dottie makes Ted uncomfortable, I think it's significant that she has Very Traditional Ideas about how this family should function. She couches it in a lot of humor and starts to demonstrate a bit more open-mindedness at the end of the episode, but we're still left with:

Telling all Ted's friends that he's done Amazing, Unique, Super Cool Things That are Objectively Impressive. To be clear, I found her interactions with the team as funny and surface-wholesome as we were supposed to, but I do think there was this underlying implication that Dottie is not as satisfied with Ted's choices as Ted himself is, so she 'accidentally' makes up stories that make him seem 'better' than he actually is. This is compounded by what you've pointed out, about how she only gives a cursory congratulations for this MONUMENTAL achievement. Compare that to Jamie's mom absolutely loosing her shit in support of him.

She brings the 'gift' of the clippings -- Ted should be GRATEFUL for this. Only a terrible son would be upset by a mother keeping track of his accomplishments! -- which not only include the headlines about the panic attacks, but she's situated them front and center, ensuring they're the first thing Ted sees. Combine that with her 'concerned' question about whether he's still getting panic attacks and you have this strong implication that Ted Is Bad For Showing Weakness. Men don't do that. The Lassos don't do that. They bury things in positivity, even the suicide of a father/husband. The fact that Ted immediately lies and says the panic attacks are gone says it all. He knows trying to explain this to her is a lost cause.

Speaking of mental health, are you really seeing that therapist? Oh, well, good for you, I guess. Me? No, no, no, I would never see one. I'm going to be suspicious of it to the point of implying that it's a flaw to need one. This is the one point where I cut Dottie a lot of slack because Ted himself went through the same arc of needing to accept the benefits of therapy, but we're nevertheless seeing where he (in part) got that biased perspective from.

There are a lot of throwaway lines that paint Dottie as a Good Traditional Mother, very much in contrast to Ted Lasso's queer, open-minded, gender roles-bending world. She continually reminds him that she is NOT having sex, it's those Australians. Why-ever would an older woman be having loud, enthusiastic sex? (Compare that to Rebecca nearly getting it on with the boat guy, a celebration of romance and sexuality for older women.) Dottie can't take the bed. That's not the polite thing to do. She needs to be coaxed into accepting even the simplest of care while, simultaneously, expecting Ted to offer it despite the inconvenience. (If I bring up the awful hostel I've been staying in you'll offer to let me crash here instead, right?). That's one of the big differences between Ted and his mother: Ted has a lot of trouble accepting help, but honestly doesn't expect anything in return for the intense kindness he doles out to others. In contrast, Dottie has trouble admitting that she's accepting help, she pretends to do the nice thing while waiting for someone to insist strongly enough that she do what she's wanted to do from the get-go, then she's off the hook because, well, they basically made her. Will Dottie go to a football game like Henry and Higgins and Rebecca and Keeley and Bex and all the other emotionally open characters, screaming for her son in the midst of chaotic action? Oh no. No, no, no, that's not for her. She'll just stay home and do the Proper Thing of making a home-cooked dinner for her little boy... while making him feel guilty about that by sending texts about how now she kinda does wish she was at the game. The conclusion to their moment of honesty and growth is Ted (a man, the child in the relationship) serving her (the woman, the mother) for once, which I think highlights how much of the Good Traditional Kansas Woman mask Dottie has learned to maintain.

All of which is to say that we've been introduced to a loving but incredibly flawed mother who puts a LOT of stock in old-school values and appearances. There's no way that this all doesn't extend to her views on Henry, her grandson. Right now, Dottie is not someone who can fully embrace Ted's nontraditional style of life (divorced, in therapy, taking some risks like drinking not-actually-drugged tea) or parenting (long-distance, "It takes a village"). She doesn't outright reject Ted's choices, but she does spend the entire episode being passive-aggressive, even manipulative at times, to make it very clear that she does not approve of all this. When she says, "Your son misses you" it reads as a very biased view of the situation, driven by the idea that no child could possibly be happy without that nuclear family living their white-picket fence life in the good old US-of-A. Ted needs to move back to Kansas not because of Henry, but because that's what Good Fathers Do. I don't think Dottie should be seen as a reliable source here for what Henry actually wants or needs. She certainly hasn't been a reliable source for Ted.

Which -- as said numerous times -- paints Kansas in an incredibly negative light. We haven't actually seen Ted in Kansas on the show, so our understanding of his relationship with that place is filtered through the people living there. Michelle, Jake, and Dottie are all emotional landmines that Ted still needs a lot of time to diffuse and Henry is written as perfectly content with their arrangement. If Ted permanently goes back to Kansas I'm really gonna be ????????????????????????????????? about it.

[hackerqueen]

I wanna be yours

pairing: Jakexfem!MC

summary: This story is about what might have happened if MC and Jake were together with the group in a cabin in the woods (episode 9)

piece of story: MC was his private religion that he silently worshiped in his mind every day and every night. Every second of every fucking day. He was at her complete mercy, but somehow he didn't have the strength to fight it.

warnings: sexual content, light dom! jake, sub! MC

author's note: pls God forgive me

The air around them thickened rapidly. The girl was standing at the desk, on which there were already two laptops, the pale light of which illuminated the semi-darkness in which they were. Her eyes were fixed on the floor, she was extremely ashamed. She nibbled at the skin around her fingernail, waiting in tense silence for developments.

Taking a deep breath, she looked up at the boy who was standing a few meters in front of her. He was standing by the open window, letting in cool, refreshing air. She scanned his legs, which were covered with black jeans, his torso covered with a slightly too large black sweatshirt. He was dressed exactly as she imagined. She finally looked at his face and knew then that she had lost. His jaw was slightly clenched, his eyes were half-closed, and his thumb and forefinger pressed against the bridge of his nose. He was angry. She was sure of it.

She sighed again and decided to speak up.

– Jake, I know I broke my promise. I know I shouldn't be here. But… – She stopped, biting her lip. Her voice was hoarse and breaking slightly as she waited for his response. However, he was silent. – Richy may be dead. You and I know it well. These words hurt her heart deeply and she tried not to cry, but the black-haired man still decided not to speak. She was already irritated by it. – Jake, I know how much it hurt you to see photos from Michael's house. Seeing all those barrels, ropes… I…

With these words, his fingers left his nose and his eyes opened. She almost shivered at the piercingness of his blue eyes. They were filled mostly with anger, but also with something she couldn't name. He was looking directly at her, and she felt as if he was looking into her soul.

– I couldn't bear the thought of how much you were hurting, Jake. I know that when we looked at those photos, you were pretty sure Hannah was dead. That's why I came here. I came here to find your sister safe and sound so you don't have to suffer anymore.

The words flowed out of her like a waterfall. She was tired of the screams from earlier, followed by a tense silence. Before they were in one of the rooms, they argued for a long time. The screams that came out of their mouths hurt each other, but they both couldn't stop.

He shook his head slightly and moved closer to her.

– Haven't you thought about how I would feel if something happened to you here? If this asshole kidnapped you, imprisoned you, and god knows what else he did, and I had no idea why you stopped texting me back? Tell me, have you ever thought about it? – he asked quietly, his voice trembling with anger. Christ, it was bad. She had never seen Jake so nervous. Of course, she hadn't seen him at all before, but the messages made him seem composed and disciplined. - Answer me!

A wheezing breath left her mouth as she looked down at the ground again. She had no idea what the angry hacker looked like, but now she could only admit that she liked him more than ever before.

I'm starting to have serious problems with myself.

– No. – she replied quietly – I didn't think that it could end badly for me. I just wanted you to get your sister back!

– But I could have lose you!

With those words, she lifted her gaze, noticing how close Jake was to her. She had to look up because of the height difference between them. His piercing gaze filled with rage and concern sent shivers down her spine. She also saw how quickly he swallowed when he saw her gaze.

She shivered as she felt his soft hand touch her cheek gently. Now she could look closely at his eyes, which seemed to engulf her. They were beautiful. God, they were so beautiful she was sure they could end bloody, long wars. One look from him and he could have the whole world at his feet.

Well he had her for sure.

Ocean eyes, enchanting with their depth, soothed her like watching the waves at sunset. His sapphire eyes have since become her favorite color of all in the world.

But then she realized something else.

– Oh my God! You shouldn't risk yourself like this for me! What if, because of my stupidity, your pursuers find out where you are and...

He cut her off by saying her name. Her name on his lips sounded so soft, so perfect, that she couldn't control her thoughts, which imagined it in slightly different situations.

– Calm down, MC. For now, they are far from finding me.

– Why are you taking more care of me instead of yourself again? – she whispered, his grip on her cheek tightening

– And why did you come here to find Hannah? – he asked softly, his voice no longer full of anger

– I already said that. I did it for you, as stupid as it sounds. But also for them. – she pointed to the door behind which the whole group was bustling somewhere. – I also wanted to protect them.

– Honestly, I'd rather send them all to meet Michael than have it be you. - he admitted, and she felt her body temperature rise

Oh my god, I got lost in him so much.

– You would risk the lives of them just for one person? Why? – she asked quietly, biting her lip because she knew the answer. She knew he was as lost to her as she was to him, but she wanted to hear it from his lips. The same ones that she had been surreptitiously staring at, because for several long minutes she had wanted nothing more than to taste their taste.

– Because it's not just one life.. it's yours. – he replied, and she breathed right into his mouth.

Their hot breaths mingled together, and she felt Jake gently leaning toward her with a dying slowness. The tension around them, the quarrel, the confession of feelings, and above all the longing and the fact that this was the first time they could physically touch each other made the warmth between her legs steadily increase.

She felt like that kiss could save her. Take away all the stress, pain and care. At that moment, her soul, mind and most of all her body screamed only one thing: his name.

And when she felt the first touch of his soft lips against hers something loud boomed, one floor below. Jake lifted his face and MC opened her eyes. The bubble burst, but even so, she noticed the hacker shivering, his breathing quickening.

Was he really as excited as I was?

This thought brought a small smile to her face. The certainty that he was equally attracted to her physically as well as through the weeks of exchanging messages gave her confidence and boosted her ego pleasantly.

– Mmh MC, we really shouldn't be getting physical. – He mumbled and removed his hand from her face

A low murmur of disappointment escaped her lips. So many waiting and so many lonely nights without a single kiss?

Pull yourself together, pull yourself together. The whole group is waiting downstairs. You can't just lock yourself in a room with him and have fun.

But why not?

Well, if you put it that way, my dear hacker, you can be sure that you won't fall asleep today because of recurring thoughts of me.

* * *

When they came downstairs, everyone's eyes were fixed on the two of them. She raised her eyebrows, trying not to show her rapid breathing and pulse. How much she wished they weren't here. If only she and Jake were here and the whole world around them didn't exist.

– What? – she asked annoyed at which Dan burst out laughing

– It was so loud at first, and then it was deathly quiet. We were wondering who would have to be buried in the garden. – he said in his usual tone that made her roll her eyes

She saw Lilly timidly watching Jake, which didn't surprise her at all. Just finding out she had a brother must have been a big deal for her, let alone discovering how hot and handsome he was.

STOP.

She had to high five her dirty thoughts again. Jake was the most beautiful man she had ever seen. Starting with his athletic physique, because even through the sweatshirt his shoulder muscles were visible at certain moments, ending with his heavenly face and jet-black hair. A jaw that looked like Michelangelo himself had carved it, a straight nose, perfect pink lips, and those eyes. Eyes, that will haunt her every night.

– We're going to light a fire. Do you agree? – Jessy asked, giving the girl a small smile

The redhead looked even more radiant than in the photos, but her wide smile didn't reach her eyes. She knew that Richie's disappearance caused her so much pain and all she wanted at that moment was to see the happy sparkle in her eyes.

So even though she desperately wanted to continue her search for Hannah and Richie, she agreed. Because more than anything, she wanted to see Jessy happy again.

The redhead replied with an even wider smile. Jake mumbled something softly that sounded more like no than yes, but eventually walked outside with them.

How great was her disappointment when the object of her desires did not sit next to her. Brows furrowed, she looked around and saw that Jake had sat down at a safe distance from her, close to Lilly. She narrowed her eyes at the two of them as they were talking quietly, and the blonde seemed delighted.

Calm the fuck down, MC. It's his sister.

MC was so lost in thought that she didn't notice Dan and Jessy joining her. – Trouble in paradise? – the bearded man asked her with a sarcastic smile and Jessy slapped him on the shoulder. She rolled her eyes again, smiling slightly. Dan was like a brother to her, and honestly, she loved their relation. – For broken heart, I recommend whiskey with coke.

The redhead slapped him again, muttering something about how he should never drink again. However, the MC gladly accepted the glass with the drink from him, drinking it almost immediately.

* * *

Jake decided to separate himself from the MC, at least for an hour. He needed to reset his mind so that every time he looked at her, he wouldn't remember a time when they were in an empty room, lit only by his computer monitors, and all he wanted to do was touch her soft, big lips. He knew that the moment their lips touched, he wouldn't be able to control himself. It would be the beginning of the end for both of them.

So he sat next to the only person he felt any connection to. It was his sister, Lilly. The two of them sat there, the warmth of the fire warming his body pleasantly, but he felt that it was not the fire that warmed his heart. The real reason was that Lilly, a girl who had been faced with the hard fact that her father had cheated on her mother, and that betrayal had become her older brother, had totally accepted him. He expected the blonde to hate him. She won't want anything to do with him, she'll want to forget about it. None of these things happened. Lilly smiled fondly, told funny stories from her childhood, and waited for his opinion on various topics on which she spoke. He had never felt so comfortable with another human before. Of course, not including the MC who gave him hope that his life could look better. That his life doesn't have to be just constant survival, but real life. Lilly gave him a different kind of comfort. He felt like he really had a sister. He felt that she accepted him as her brother and cared for him. He felt like part of her family. He felt that Lilly was his family. The last time he felt something like this was when his mother was alive.

He pushed his mournful thoughts away, returning his mind to reality. Lilly seemed really excited because her mouth wouldn't close. He found it quite cute and was grateful that she felt comfortable around him and not awkward.

– You really like her, don't you?

Jake blinked a few times, considering his answer. Did he like her?

Sometimes it seemed to him even too much.

– Yes. – he replied quickly, feeling his cheeks heat up

Sometimes these feelings seemed to overwhelm him.

He couldn't help but look up at her silhouette. He found her immediately. She sat so that he could see her profile. And she... she was breathtaking. Literally. She was illuminated by the light of the bonfire, which only enhanced her unearthly beauty. He scanned her body with his eyes and could have sworn it had become his new private religion. Long legs, wide hips, narrow waist and roundness of her breasts. With her beauty and grace, she could compete with Aphrodite herself. He felt his blood start to boil dangerously, but he couldn't stop. Not when his gaze reached her face. Big lips the color of ripe raspberries that were now stretched into a wide smile. She was laughing. Her laughter was the most beautiful melody to his ears. Even though she was sitting quite far away, he could hear him. Then he realized that he was ready to do anything to hear her laugh every day. Because it was his favorite sound in the whole world.

Her brown hair was shiny and sparkled in the light from the fire. Christ, she was so beautiful. And her amber eyes... He could stare at them for hours. The color resembled the parchment of old books or the autumn forest. Looking into her eyes, he felt blind. Because then he couldn't see anything but her at all.

– I see that look. I think you're in love with her.

He clenched his jaw tight as he realized he'd been staring at her longer than he should have, and he'd been caught in the act.

Yes, MC was his private religion that he silently worshiped in his mind every day and every night. Every second of every fucking day. He was at her complete mercy, but somehow he didn't have the strength to fight it.

* * *

Softly humming an Arctic Monkeys song, she stood at the sink, rinsing an apple. Why did she want an apple? She had no fucking idea. Her foot was tapping the floor slowly to the beat of one of her favorite songs. She almost jumped when she heard movement behind her. She turned and was relieved to see Jake there, putting his plate on the cupboard on the other side of the kitchen. He didn't really want to have any contact with her.

He avoided her gaze. He avoided her completely, which irritated her immensely. But if he wanted to play that way, she would obey his rules.

She started toward him, and the hacker seemed to freeze to death. It was quite funny. See how much he struggles not to pounce on her at the first opportunity. He thought he hid it well, but his eyes betrayed him. They were full of lust and frustration.

She needed him so much right now. She needed his hands all over her body. She wanted to know the texture and taste of his lips. She knew full well that she would end up masturbating to fantasizing about him today.

She came to a fairly close distance, and with one of her hands began to stroke the kitchen island standing in the middle of the kitchen.

Things we could do on it if no one else was here.

STOP!

– You were avoiding me, Jake. – she responded eventually with a sigh.

Jake stayed silent and sucked in a tense breath and casts a glance your way. – I avoided you as I, uh, Became easily distracted from your presence... even now. – he grunted, tearing his eyes away from you

He is so fucking adorable.

MC jumped up and sat on the counter, crossing her legs. She was cruel, she knew it, but she wanted to teach him a lesson. That he refused her, that he avoided her and fought something that couldn't be fought.

If you like your coffee hot

Let me be your coffee pot

You call the shots, babe

I just wanna be yours

She lift the apple to her lips, he seems to follow the fruit when she place it at her lips and take a bit. The sweet juice of the fruit falls upon her lips and she look down to his own. He gulped when the single drop lingered on her lip. Shit. Her mind began to imagine the dirtiest of things, the softness that was his black hair between her finger tip as she tugged on the strands, the image of his face between her legs as he looks up at her.

But she wanted to please him even more.

She wanted to hear her name come out of his mouth as some kind of whimper. She didn't want him to hold back, she wanted to give herself completely to him. She wanted him to know how much she trusted him, that her trust was so huge that she would literally do anything for him. She wanted to fall on her knees in front of him and give him such pleasure that no other girl had given him before. She wanted to be the one he would dream about at night. She wanted to be the one whose name would be uttered by him like the sweetest poison. She wanted to feel his strong hands around her throat as he took her whenever he wanted—

– You've got sauce on your cheek. – she said in a hoarse tone. Jake frowned from his lethargy and gave her a hazy look. She giggled slightly and jumped off the counter. – Here.

She rubbed his cheek with her thumb, then, keeping eye contact with him, took him into her mouth. She saw his eyes darken and his lips part slightly. Her stomach was now convulsing in sweet pain. She wanted him so much.

Secrets I have held in my heart

Are harder to hide than I thought

Does he want her the same way she wants him? The song in the background only made them hotter.

Their breaths merged again into one quick, trembling rhythm. MC almost moaned as she leaned in to consume his mouth.

– Ahem.

They jumped away from each other sharply as Thomas stared at them from the kitchen doorway. He seemed very embarrassed and avoided their eyes. MC tried not to laugh as Jake shot him murderous looks. MC enjoyed it twice as much because she knew how much Thomas was afraid of his brother-in-law. And after this situation, she was sure that this fear would triple.

– Did something happen? – the hacker asked, or rather growled at him, and Thomas shook his head nervously.

Just don't fucking laugh, MC.

– N-No, actually, we're going to play cards and I wanted to ask if you're up for it. – he choked out and the girl burst out laughing

Forgive me Hannah, but how did you end up with a guy like that?

– Sure, I'd love to. – she replied, moving towards the living room, and after a moment Jake joined her

* * *

It was real torture.

If hell existed, Jake could have sworn he had tasted it that night. The bitter, body-wrenching taste of the hellfire she'd ignited in him. Because only God knew how much he wanted her, especially then, in the kitchen.

Staring at her juice-moistened lips, he tried to hide his own erection. His thoughts were far from the right and polite ones. He hadn't dreamed of something as much as he did now of fucking her in a long time. He couldn't beat around the bush, he wanted it from the moment she asked his name. He then found her fascinating, which was true. The truest truth. He fantasized about her almost every night, wondering what her moans would sound like, or his name leaving her lips.

He wanted to make her scream them. He wanted to see tears on her face because of the excessive pleasure he was giving her. He wanted to cum inside her, make her his.

He knew full well that tonight he would end up masturbating to fantasizing about her.

And he knew full well that he himself had caused it. He stated that they should not get close physically because that would cause more problems than advantages. He knew what his life was like. He never knew if the next morning he would have to pack up the most important things and run away to the other side of the world. He didn't want to be the asshole who wrote her sweet promises, then get laid on the first meeting, and left her speechless in the morning. Thoughts of it kept recurring and temporarily inhibited his desires.

But wanting everyone else to hear her loud moans that prove that she is his and only his.

He almost wished Phil wasn't here.

He would love to see his face when he found out who was the only man who could give her such fulfillment.

Stop the fuck, Jake. It's fucking disgusting.

They were almost at the long table where everyone was already seated when she headed over to him.

– Good luck, Mr. Hacker. You'll need it to win against me. – she said in a low tone with a cheeky smile on her lips

– You have a very daring mouth. – he said, deflecting the baton, but her answer ignited the blood in his veins again

– It's very skilled too. If you don't believe, I can always show you in a quiet room somewhere. – she whispered so only he could hear and winked at him

He let out a shuddering breath and sat down next to Dan, who was giving him sarcastic smirks.

It's time to concentrate.

* * *

It's time to concentrate.

She made it her honor to win this game against the hacker. She thought about strategy, but she couldn't concentrate. She could still feel his eyes on her. He was focused on her chest which didn't surprise her. She was wearing a low-cut blouse, which still left a lot of room for the imagination. For the first time, the man's gaze on her body didn't bother her. However, she took her phone out of her pocket to annoy him even more.

MC: Stop undressing me with your eyes

She looked up at him, making an innocent face. He clenched his jaw, then took his phone out of his pocket and texted back without hesitation.

JAKE: And you stop looking at me like that

She smiled gently.

MC: Like what? ;)

The boy didn't manage to write her back because the game had started, but by the end of the round these two exchanged hot glances across the length of the table.

***

– I'm sure you miscalculated the points. What did you get in math at the end of high school? – the indignant MC asked Thomas, snatching the score sheet from him

– I think 3. But I can add 1 to 1 if you want to know. Jake won.

The girl fell into a chair, strutted. Not only was she sexually frustrated, but she also lost to a hacker, whom she wanted to piss off even more.

– So, now I wonder what our beloved hackerboy's reward will be. – Dan asked sarcastically, winking at her, which made her blush slightly. She raised her hand and extended her middle finger towards him. Jerk.

Jake seemed to get the hint too, because he scratched the back of his neck in embarrassment.

–I think we should go to sleep now. It's after 2 a.m. and starting tomorrow, I'd like us to get back to the important stuff. – Jessy said and everyone agreed. – Jake, your room has a sofa instead of a bed. You'll have to pull it out. – Cleo said

He nodded softly and everyone went to their rooms. The MC room was, of course, opposite Jake. Is that a fucking joke or what?

As she closed the door to her room, a shaky breath left her mouth. She had had enough. This teasing with the hacker was supposed to be fun and a lesson for him, but now she was perfectly aware of how much she had brought herself to the brink of collapse. All she wanted was to come quickly, muffle her groan into the pillow, and go to sleep. After all, tomorrow they were all supposed to go back to-

Her thoughts were interrupted by a soft knock on the door. Frightened, she opened them, and when she saw Jake there, she instinctively asked if something was wrong.

– MC, I need you. – he muttered, his eyes screaming. Her name.

Before she could answer, Jake entered her room and pulled her close. And then it all happened so fast she couldn't register when his lips landed on hers. She felt his kiss hard.

So desperate

So needy.

With this act, he completely took away her ability to breathe. She returned the kiss with just as much power and strength, or even more. After a moment, he turned her around and pressed her back against the door, closing the room. It wasn't the first kiss they'd imagined, but it was just as good, if not better.

He kissed her like no one had ever kissed her before. As if his life depended on it.

She felt as if in the desert, after many months of nagging drought, the longed-for rain came.

His hands tightened around her waist as his tongue slid over her bottom lip. She immediately let him in, starting a fight for dominance which she almost immediately lost.

So, you like domination, right?

Their breathing became short, uncontrollable, and ravenous. MC ran her hands over his arms, feeling the hardness of his muscles under her fingers. She finally tangled her fingers in the strands of his hair, pulling at him, making him growl softly.

His lips left hers as he moved them to her neck. Her head automatically tilted back as he sucked on the skin around her ear. She couldn't control her moan anymore, which was louder than she expected. She bit her lip, trying to silence her own urges.

– We have to be quiet. – she gasped, and in response he gently gritted his teeth against her skin. It was getting harder and harder to do.

– What if I want them to hear us? – he asked right into her ear. He wanted them to know they had no chance. He wanted them to know that she was his.

That one sentence made another mournful groan come out of the MC's mouth.

Jake returned to her lips, giving her another hungry kiss. His cool hands crawled under her shirt, sending goosebumps down her skin. Despite the coldness of his fingers, she felt it burn where he touched her. His touch sent electricity through her body.

Without waiting any longer, he took off her shirt and tossed it somewhere on the floor. He pulled away from her lips and looked at her breasts, now hidden only by a black lace bra. His trembling hands still stayed safe on her waist. She swallowed, took his hands in hers and brought them to her breast.

Jake gasped and squeezed her breasts, and she grunted contentedly. Her nipples hardened completely under his touch, which only caused the young hacker to get closer to the exposed skin on her neck again. MC arched her back, bringing her pelvis as close as possible to his, and then felt a hard erection digging into her hip. Their moans mingled with each other now, steadily turning up the temperature of the room.

– I want you so badly. – he gasped into her ear. – You have no idea how many times I have dreamed about this. About you.

Her chest was moving at a fast, unnatural pace as she tried desperately to breathe. Sweat ran down her back, and her lower abdomen convulsed in convulsions of pain.

She finally pushed him away from her slightly, and he gave her a hazy and confused look. She didn't push him away to say she changed her mind though, that would have been very cruel of her. She did it only to push him towards the bed, forcing him to sit on it. He was watching her carefully, and his gaze alone made her want to scream.

She was drowning in the blue of his eyes, but she wasn't asking for help. She was absorbed until her last breath. She's lost, but losing has never been so good.

At that moment, she believed that people wanted to lose because of his gaze.

There was a strange dominance radiating from him that she couldn't fight. Or maybe she didn't want to?

It was absolutely disgusting, she knew it. But she couldn't stop it. She couldn't help but want to please him, especially not when she noticed he wasn't wearing his hoodie anymore. He was wearing a tight black shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows.

Holy shit.

His sparkling eyes never left her. He stared at her with pure adoration and desire.

And when he saw where she was going, his slightly protruding Adam's apple quivered as he swallowed.

MC leaned down to be at the height of his neck. She began to place light kisses all the way down his neck and jaw until it reached his ear. She felt Jake hold back. She saw it when she had to show him that she wasn't afraid of his touch. That he could touch her anywhere.

– You don't have to be gentle with me. I like it when you're rough and definite. – she whispered sensually, sending shivers down his skin

The boy gasped, then tangled his hand in her hair and pulled her to him in a hot and lustful kiss. She immediately felt how stronger he became, which made her smile without breaking the kiss. Without further ado, she grabbed the bottom of his shirt and pulled it off him. She didn't mind it, it was known that tight shirts on men are extremely hot, but when she noticed the slightly outlined muscles of his arms, stomach and the letter V that was hiding behind the waistband of his pants, she could almost feel her underwear getting wet.

She kissed him one last time, then moved her kisses again to the young hacker's jaw, neck, collarbones, and torso. She could hear him struggling desperately for breath, his heart beating wildly. The soft gasps leaving his mouth made her squeeze her thighs tighter.

She slowly undid the zipper of his pants, accidentally hooking her hand on his engorged erection, which made him moan softly. She took off his pants along with his boxers, and then with agonizing slowness she began to descend to her knees, not breaking eye contact with the black-haired man. She was totally at his mercy, and every touch of her skin was like not enough heroin for her.

MC was a human of sin. She didn't believe in God, heaven or hell, but at that moment she had the feeling that one of the fallen angels was standing in front of her. And she swore that if hell existed and looked like this, she would not repent of any sin she had committed on earth.

And of them all, this one seemed the sweetest and the most poisonous at the same time. She fell to her knees before him, but never before had sin been so tempting and so good.

She stuck out the tip of her tongue to play with the head of his dick. As soon as he felt her wet lips, he growled throatily, unable to stop himself.

How thick are these walls?

– Shit, MC. You are making me crazy. – he gasped, and she smiled

She did it slowly at first. She loved teasing him. However, after a moment she closed it in her mouth, and another soft moan escaped his throat.

She began to do it faster and deeper, experimenting with how much she could take. She moved her head up and down quickly, licking and sucking on his dick. Jake was no longer holding back. One of his hands was gripping the sheet so tightly that his knuckles turned white. After a while, he tangled his other hand in MC's hair and helped her, and after a long moment he began to force her head to move faster and faster.

– You are fucking breathtaking. – He gasped, his moans getting louder. They were so sinful and so hot that she couldn't help pressing her hand against her clit. Even through the fabric of his pants, she sensed the wetness and desire for any kind of stimulation, so she moaned, sending vibrations along his cock. – Fuck.

He felt dangerously close. Her lips were too kind and her eyes too innocent when she made eye contact with him. Never in his wildest dreams had he expected that this girl whose photos he admired, with whom he had been texting for several months, would look so beautiful in real life, especially when her throat was around his cock.

He didn't want to come this way. First he wanted to hear her desperate moans, like his now. So he tightened his hold on her hair and forced her to lift her head.

She gave him a confused look as he crashed into her mouth. He kissed her hard, and she kissed him back just as hard. They moaned into each other's mouths, learning the taste of each other's and their saliva. Jake bit her lip, and a loud whimpering sound came out of her mouth. It was because of it that the young hacker got out of bed and pressed against her with the heaviness of his body, forcing her to take a few steps back. She felt the desk behind her at the same time as the boy tightened his hands on her waist and gave her a lift. She sat on the surface of the counter, feeling Jake's cold hands unzip her jeans, then he and her underwear removed them from her legs. She breathed deeply. Now they were both naked. She felt him burn as he connected their lips again, his fingers tightening on her hips. She felt nothing but his touch. Time completely stopped, just like when they were writing about their meeting.

She couldn't take it anymore. She felt that now he was taking revenge on her for the few hours she had provoked him. She needed him. in her.

– Jake, please. – she begged against his lips, knowing how her pleading affected him. She noticed it while typing with him. Like when she asked him to tell her his name – Please, fuck me.

Without saying anything else, he entered her to the root. She almost screamed, arching her body. Jake broke the kiss, throwing his head back to moan almost as loud as hers.

– Oh my fucking God – he panted, pausing for a moment – Fuck, MC you feel fucking devine.

Another mournful sound escaped her throat, which she tried to muffle by biting her lip. She wrapped her arms around his neck pulling him back to her mouth. After a while, Jake began to move faster and faster inside her, and keeping silence became more and more difficult. She felt him so deeply that she knew her orgasm was very close.

He pulled away from her mouth and growled in her ear. – I want to hear you. Louder, MC. – he growled, his hot breath fanning her neck

And then she forgot where they were. She had forgotten that they were at the cottage in Duskwood with the rest of the group. Because from her throat began to grow louder and louder moans, similar to his. Jake was definitely not afraid to show his pleasure, which made her immensely happy and excited.

She tightened her legs around his waist as he thrust hard into her. She didn't know if she was still on earth or if she had died and gone to heaven, but she could have been literally anywhere in that moment. Heaven, hell or purgatory? What difference does it make when he's around?

Every piece of her skin bore his name.

Every piece of his skin bore her name.

Jake felt very close. Especially when her body tensed and reached her first orgasm.

– Fuck Jake! – she cried out in delight and her eyes rolled back

Not very gently, he grabbed her jaw and forced her to look at him.

– Look into my eyes. – he whispered. She tried to comply with his request, but it was impossible due to the pleasure he was giving her. – Look into my eyes! – he said more imperiously, pressing his thumb to her lip.

However, she did. She looked him in the eye until the end. She stared into his eyes as he ruined her. When he made her his private art. She looked into his eyes, seeing the adoration he gave her.

At one point, Jake took her off the desk and moved her to the bed, filling her up again. The room smelled like sin, and they were both sure that if the Man without a face saw it, they'd both be dead.

She felt his cock swell inside her, so she tightened her leg grip so he wouldn't hesitate a second. She wanted him to fill her. She just wanted to be only his.

After a few more hard thrusts, Jake came deep inside her. The feeling was so good that MC came again. She no longer received any stimuli, she was totally absorbed in pleasure.

Their bodies were sweaty, eyelids closed and lips swollen. Their chests were sticking together, and a few damp brown strands of her hair were tangled on the liquid gold sheets.

That night, after several months of longing, Jake and MC became one. That night the world ceased to exist, to breathe. It was only them that night.

Hacker normalized his breathing a bit, stepped out of her, and collapsed into the seat next to her. They stared at the ceiling for several minutes, trying to figure out what the fuck had just happened. They both adjusted their breathing.

– Okay. – she said quietly in a hoarse tone, breaking the blissful silence

– Okay. – he replied with the same whisper, and she smiled slightly

After one more moment, the black-haired man got out of bed and put on his boxers, looking around as she thought in search of a shirt. MC frowned, guessing something was wrong.

– Jake? – she asked quietly, but he didn't answer her – Are you okay?

He swallowed hard, standing with his back to her. He turned to her, and she saw the hurt expression on his face.

– Jake, what happened? – she asked, not understanding what was going on. – You know you can talk to me.

Then questions started popping up in her mind. Did she disappoint him? Did he imagine her completely differently? Better?

– I…– he began, but he paused to clear his throat – I don't deserve you.

What?

– What? – she asked, staring at him in disbelief. – Come here.

He looked at her and she pointed to the seat next to her. She sat on the bed, aware of the nakedness of her body. It didn't matter then. Then his feelings were the most important.

The black-haired man sat next to her, not meeting her eyes. Until she touched his arm lightly, as if she was afraid of hurting him. She squeezed his skin gently to soothe him. Hacker looked her in the eye and sighed softly. Only then did she notice that he was shaking slightly.

– We... - I mean I... I shouldn't have let that happen. – he said quietly, hanging his head

– Do you think I'm not attractive? – she asked in a slightly broken voice

Boy let out a soft, bitter laugh that hung in the air between them.

– You think you're not attractive to me? MC, you are the most beautiful human I have ever seen in my entire life. – he sighed, rubbing his face with his hand

He looked tired. Very tired.

– The problem is, I know I should never have let that happen. You know perfectly well what my life is like, I'm wanted by the government, who at the first chance would like to kill me. And not in a nice way, by shooting me in the head. And just to remind you, they were already interested in you too. – MC opened her mouth to protest, but Jake wouldn't let her. – I've been kidding myself all this time, thinking I was able to keep you safe. I'm so selfish because I thought I was coming here to protect you, but that's bullshit. I came here to see you. Because every minute without seeing you was making me psychotic.

MC's lips were parted, unable to utter a word. This is the first time he has admitted that he has feelings for her in real life. And the way he said it made it ten times more intoxicating. He looked straight into her eyes, spoke with a sincerity she had never heard from anyone before. His gaze was filled with emotion. Mainly sadness, but also something else. Something she couldn't name.

They were so stupidly in love with each other.

– The truth is, I foolishly believed that my life could be different by jeopardizing your safety. I'm fucking selfish because I know you deserve better. Someone who will give you a stable, normal life. – he cleared his throat and his beautiful, electrifying blue eyes became glassy. This sight broke the heart of a young woman who shook her head violently. She took his face in her hands and forced him to pick it up. She looked at him with power, sadness and anger at the words he was saying.

– Haven't you thought about what I want? I don't not want a stable and normal life with anyone else but you. Damn, we're in this whole fucked up situation, we met through your sister's disappearance, and I don't understand what I feel. But I feel so much for you that I can't describe it in words. – she gasped and Jake swallowed. – It won't be easy, I know! But I can't imagine my life without you anymore. And think what you want, but after we find Hannah, I'll make sure you're a free man again. God, I'll turn the whole world upside down just for you to get your happy old life back. Because no one deserves happiness more than you, Jake.

She was breathing nervously because she wasn't used to talking about her feelings. Their cheeks were red. No one had ever looked at her with such awe and adoration as he did.

– So please give us a chance. – she whispered pleadingly, feeling tears under her eyelids

Jake wasn't thinking then. About the government, about the consequences, about the Man without a face. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close, burying his face in her hair. He inhaled their coconut scent, which seemed to soothe him. MC listened to the steady beating of his heart lulling her mind to sleep. Their chests were bare, but there was nothing erotic there at the moment. They felt as if in this hug, their souls were inextricably and eternally connected.

– I think I forgot what human contact felt like. – he croaked, and in response she began to play with the strands of his black, soft hair. She kissed his forehead, trying not to cry. The spoken phrase was so damn depressing.

– You said before that you don't understand how you feel. Me neither, MC. – he sighed very quietly. All the walls have come down. Only their naked, bare souls existed in that bed in Duskwood. – I want to understand, but I just can't explain it. I've never felt this before. I used to beg every day for my life to change, but I finally gave up hope. I became someone who preferred loneliness. And then you came into my life and... It's like you were the answer to all my prayers.

Those were the most beautiful words she had ever heard from someone.

– You are the promise i'm ready to keep.

Those were the last words she heard before falling asleep. For the first time in a very long time, both of them fell asleep and no nightmare woke them up. For the first time they fell asleep feeling safe.

* * *

Breakfast proceeded in a rather strange atmosphere. MC and Jake were sitting across from each other, exchanging quick and nervous smiles every now and then. Both of them were blushing, which was not like their yesterday's behavior. The tension between them was still there and grew steadily with every light touch of their hands as they reached for the same thing from the table.

– So Jake, how was the pull out? – Dan asked, grinning ironically

Jake choked on his orange juice, his cheeks burning brightly.

– W-What? – he replied nervously

– The sofa.

MC stared at her plate of pancakes, trying not to laugh.

– Good. – the young hacker said, then cleared his throat

–  I bet. *

*this dialogue is from stranger things!!

[nikatyler]

Zeph 1.0

in other news we continue clowning for Astarion and letting him drink from us

(x)

Right so I don't know what or who to believe anymore in this goddamn game

I say goddamn but I still love it don't get me wrong

(x)

mum come pick me up i'm scared

now tell me why tf did i rush here with no spell slots left

yeah we're fucked, reload 💀

(x)

i may be a monster

(x)

I'm starting to get a headache but I wanna keep playing 🥴

Hyperfocus this, hyperfocus that, what about "I'm fully aware I should be doing something else or else I will suffer greatly but I can't stop and it's worth the pain" kinda focus

(x)

*You notice the blood's source* *Astarion approves* okay thanks??? 😂

(x)

"Can you imagine dressing entirely in red?" I'm not saving your ass when I create Ross for my next playthrough smh

(x)

I felt really really really bad about this and thought I was making a big mistake (I probably was 💀) but seeing only 7 % of players unlocked this? Yeah that's cool. Or maybe not. Idk I feel bad 💀

(x)

Trying to take down the bitch evil vampire again

Am I struggling? Mayhaps

We are Fucked™ lmao (that's a lmao of big pain not lmao of this is hilarious)

Alright let's try again

How do y'all not get attached and just play and stay cool because it's just a game. I'm 👌 this close to ugly rage crying lol stop being mean to my boy leave him alone stay away from him get a job

Not now duo dammit

...fuck

Yeah no I'm reloading and I'm just gonna fuck around the city a bit, I can't do this rn 💀

Okay so the strategy of 1) just go there 2) try not to die is not working too well in the big fights in act 3 for me 💀 oh well I'll try harder I guess

(x)

they need a pair of glasses smh

(x)

So I'm seriously considering throwing 2 weeks of gameplay in the trash just to get a better shot at a romance but…now I'm thinking about some tedious parts and ehhh 🫠

Is he worth it? He is worth it. Right?

Lmao I don't remember the last time a fictional character had a grasp on me like that. It's rather embarrassing really 💀 I'm too old to act like this aren't I 💀

(x)

Actually considering how bad today has been, reloading that far will probably Fix Me™ so I'm doing that right after a little afterwork nap

And if it turns out to be pointless or a bad idea I can always just switch back to the furthest point in the storyline I got, I won't overwrite that save

(x)

Sacrificing about 42 hours of gameplay 🫡 it's been an honor but I need the vampire's love more than oxygen. Reloading now 🫡

And I'm making sure to actually finish some quests I didn't the first time *cough* the shadow curse *cough*

(x)

I put him in Karlach's clothes...for science

(x)

HELP I'VE BEEN LAUGHING AT THIS FOR FIVE MINUTES NOW

(x)

I need to pickpocket people more. In the game I mean. Every time I succeed, I get a good giggle out of it 🤭

(x)

organ rearranger you say...can i...can i say something...

Okay we're all adults here right I can say it. Minors look away this isn't a safe space for you

Well let's just say I stole this for someone and he can rearrange my organs anytime okay byeeeeeeee

Well technically he stole it himself I just giggled with my finger ready on f8 in case things go badly 🤭

(x)

Okay so I just found that one reason why some things weren't going well for me was simply because I don't long rest enough in the game 💀

(x)

Me when I first started playing bg3: I hope there's a way to avoid a lot of combat, I hope I'll be able to just talk my way through Me now: woooo slaughter!! 😗

(x)

Nooo I was like "wooo yeah cutscene finally!!! is it happening?? are we so back???? we're so back amirite" and it's this guy 😭😭 (with all due respect i was hoping for something else 💀)

(x)

and it's only gonna get worse

let's goooooo

(x)

Does this game hate me or what

It's so joever it's so joever I'm just not getting any cutscenes in the camp lmao

My negative rizz is so strong not even videogame characters want me

(x)

You know what? I get her

(x)

WAIT HOLD WE ARE SO BACK

I USED TO PRAY FOR TIMES LIKE THIS *incoherent screaming*

I truly am the embodiment of this meme

I'm not even trying to scream anymore my voice is dead

I can't believe this actually happened so now I'm pretty much spamming the kiss, ignoring everything else

"I play for the plot" she said 🤭

(x)

my game crashed, good thing I save every five seconds otherwise I'd think about jumping off of very tall somethings

okay i actually lost like zero progress, jfc blessed day

(x)

Zeph you're standing way too close lol

(x)

"I'm gonna speedrun the parts I've been through about a week ago," she said, failing to realize she's not a good runner

There's no such thing as speedrunning this game lol. I just want to do everything always. Fight everything and open every crate and loot everyone 🤭

(x)

back to act 3 we go now that i've righted my wrongs 😌😌

(x)

wise words from daddy, wise words indeed

(x)

buddy you have one job

(x)

...okay?

(x)

"watch out for anyone acting STRANGELY" said by the guy who tries to suck your blood on like the first night of camping together but ok love whatever you say 💀

(x)

[the-firebird69]

There's a war going on and there are people here who are getting killed in this area here. There are a big changes in Charlotte county coming and it's not what you think both sides of this internal war they're more like they're having are losing very badly and all over the world the number is once again diminished last night and the warlock lost a couple of percent overall and it's a lot and the islands are under siege meaning that they are embroiled it's not necessarily one party it's just that they are all in active combat and it is going on fiercely very fierce combat now and it's intensifying

-we have several other things happening my husband is trying to deal with his situation and it seems to be getting harder not easier and he seems to be dilapidating a little and it took a look and it's kind of true so I started to try and fix some things and it was difficult and I'm putting the difficulty level out there it's very hard and it's too hard and he's been saying it's a boy I could use some relief and we're trying to do that and it's important to do at this time because of the war the civil war they're having causes people suffering and all over the world too it's good to note that we need to help our people now and right now and we need to push them out of the way because they have a technique to try and use it it's going on right now I don't want to publish

Hera

We're saying something similar but it's good to hear from more than one of us and she does have a valid point and that we need to get moving on it and really what happens here affects us and it affects us a lot and we don't want that and we need to get motivated we need to get moving right now

Thor Freya

Olympus

[breathenbounce]

Depression is real

I decided to write about something personal this week which isn't different from any other week because I try to get personal and honest because that is who I am. I wear my emotions on my sleeve, I can't hide how I feel and for someone who is decent a poker, I wear tells on my face like Jason and his hockey mask. I suffer from many mental disorders and illness and one of the things is depression.

Depression is a real thing. It kills people. Don't believe it, look it up. See how many people end their lives in desperation because they don't know how to turn it around and feel better. Sometimes from the outside, you can't see how badly they are hurting. This is especially true for men.

Men are expected to push forward, be tough. Don't cry, don't feel. No one wants to hear men talk about their feelings because then they are whining. Well not everyone. I am happy to report there are some women out there that would take that in a minute. However, it's a sad majority. And if you are watching that football game having beers with the boys, you can forget about talking about how sad you feel because no one wants to hear that shit. I have heard the term toxic masculinity thrown around, and in my humble opinion its reasons like this it becomes toxic.

The bottom line is, we need to listen. We need to feel with people who have depression. It's not about fixing your friends or loved ones depression, it is about being there. Sometimes people don't want the lights turned on. They just want someone to sit in the dark with them. I can tell you for certain that is how I feel. I feel very lonely most of the time. Since I have been living by myself, it sucks.

The one thing we can do is go to work on the mat. You go to yoga and learn how to breathe. You learn to battle aversion. You learn how to sit with the feeling and not avoid it. I can tell you I have avoided the way I feel but eating a lot of food. That was my go to. And it hasn't served me at all.

This past week from Sunday to Tuesday, I was in the middle of an depressive episode. It's not fun, and it sure as fuck is real. It's not a matter of just shaking it off. It's a matter of doing the following things...

-Understanding that this will not last this way forever, because nothing is permanent

-This is a feeling and feeling sad is normal.

-Acknowledging sadness and did something get you there in the first place

-Get your body moving. Also I find hip opening poses like butterfly, pigeon help.

-Journal what you are feeling. Get in the shit.

This is what I do, and if you are battling depression like me, I just want you to know, you are not alone. I will battle with you and we will do it together. I love you.

M

[etherbonded]

@arccrum said: Does Masayoshi really have to yell at this stupid brat? He wants to punch him, even if it causes more blood loss... but, he won't do that. Instead he takes a deep breath and a angry smile. " You know what. I've been there before and I almost died a couple times doing my job during the Amamiya incident seven years ago... Our mom almost threw me into another coma for worrying her. Therefore... Once you're healed up... I'm gonna make you suffer, kid. For worrying me, for worrying mom... for putting your life in danger, for putting OUR lives in danger upon faking your death... Boy... Rest a lot, you're going to need it. " Masayoshi is Goro's older brother, and therefore, the right to make a younger brother suffer... is totally his.

Is it too late to consider death the better option than suffering?

He can feel the dread filling his mind as Masayoshi speaks, or maybe he's feeling light-headed? Who knows at this point genuinely, and who cares, because he already felt bad for worrying them so much and he knows that had he just said the words he didn't have a good feeling about him going ahead... this could've been avoided all together. But no, he bit his tongue because it felt stupid, he felt like he was being paranoid but... of course Goro's gut feeling had been right in the end. The Thieves couldn't take care of it so... he forced them to press ahead leaving himself on his own.

Goro knows that this would effectively cause his mother more distress alone with all his other family members, but he truly hadn't planned to get hurt like this. But then again... he's been reckless with this whole thing lately... it's his own fault for being an absolute idiot honestly and he knows it. Goro regrets this immensely and really wishes he'd just said the word. Masa would've kept by them had he just spoke... Goro feels like he's being stupid and it's frustrating him. Because he should know better, he DOES know better.

Somehow his brother's angry smile is more nerve-wracking than him yelling at him. ..Especially when he knows he's fucked up so genuinely badly. He's going to enjoy resting for as long as he can, because he knows this is something that his brother will never let him forget ever. Even if Goro's being just a stupid teenager... this has hurt and affected far too many for it not to be a constant reminder of how he needs to be more careful. " Okay! ...Okay. I get it. You can make me... suffer as much... as you.. want. I was... stupid and.. rash. I get it. I... I made you all... worry... I know I fucked up okay? ...I know... it's my... fault. "

His voice cracks slightly... he hates that he can feel his eyes water. He doesn't want to cry, no, not now. He doesn't have the right to even if he's in pain still. Their pain that he'd caused was far greater than his. " ...And I know... sorry won't fix this... but I am sorry... I didn't mean for this to... to... "

His breath catches in his throat as he tries to batt away the wetness within his eyes. " ...I didn't mean to hurt you all... I just wanted to be the one... to protect you all for once... I know it's stupid and childish... you don't have to tell me twice. ...I ..I get it. I'm not like you... I'm not strong enough to.. to do that.. I... I know I'm not... " He can't finish the last sentence as his words fail him, his sentence may not have made total sense as he wasn't sure he was piecing it together properly ...but Masa knows what he means most likely. Goro shuts up and just focuses on breathing and not passing out from blood loss.

" ... "

[dirtytransmasc]

110% agree on all of it, but I did word that last part badly.

I just meant that whole scenario with storms end in general. but I appreciate the input non the less.

I felt the same about the ship at first, but it's got me in it's jaws now and I don't think I'm getting out. I've always been an angsty enemies to lovers little shit, so it's just natural for me to gravitate to that, especially since all I read is fix it's, and the typical go to in those fics is to just get everyone together and call it a day. but to each their own.

but back to the other stuff:

if I don't get to see some acts of violence targeted at Otto next season I'm going to fucking riot, it's not even funny. like I want to watch him tortured or some shit, and I'm not normally a fan of that type of stuff. I hate him and everything he represents. he destroyed that family almost all on his own (visery's would have just let the family get torn apart from the outside by war and conflict, while doing nothing to pull it back together. Otto tore it apart from the inside, actively shredding everything, and visery's let him. same outcome, different process. Otto was on a mission, visery's was compliant and neglectful).

you summed up both boys and alicent so well, like they're all just suffering, and they're hurting people around them because of it. as the oldest sibling left to drown, argon is relatable on one too many levels, even just the small stuff like how he always looks five seconds away form just balling or the way he is (purposely with the use of nudity and makeup to make his face look more worn) so vulnerable to the eye. they smoke him look also transparent, like if you look to close you'll see right through, like he wants you to look right through him. everythung about him screams attention seeking, he just wants someone to care, to see he's hurting, cause he doesn't know how to ask for help. not to mention we know he's abused by Otto (Otto kicked him in the ribs at leanas funeral, and it's implied he wanted to hurt him when he tried to run away), and visery's. like my boys been through, done everything to ruin his image, to run away, to give up the crown he never wanted. he begged to be let go yet Aemond held him back (cause he's second opposite and survived by being the favorite, there for not having a life of his own, cause he was too busy people pleasing). the greens are killing me man.

I need a fic where Rhaenyra and the green kids are closer so I can have some found family bonding. I would kill for some protective daemon, unsure of them at first due to his soldier mindset and seeing them as the enemy. but as soon as he warms up to them, he's commiting war crimes just to keep them happy. just imagine Rhaenyra and Aegon hugging or something, even teasing one another, just being siblings. what I would pay for that is insane.

they did daemon so dirty, cause they use the narrative in character and make scenes that should be up to interpretation too objective (when aemond stayed in the war room while Rhaenyra delivered hit me as him feeling useless and scared. last time he watched his wife give birth, he watch her suffer, had to deny a fatal c section, and the watched her kill herself brutally, and all the while he couldn't do a thing. so this time (partly out of fear and trauma and partly because it's just how daemon functions and shows his love, he planned her war. thats how he could help her then. and while that's my interpretation, it allows personal wiggle room unlike the actual scene that sets him out to be a 2d villain). they needed him to be evil, so while Rhaenyra wasn't constantly with alicent anymore (cause they used the narrative to make alicent look so much worse the she was just like they did with Daemon) they needed Daemon there to make her look better then she was. because if theirs one thing this show lives to deny it's the Rhaenyra is just as guilty as 99% of the characters. this show is about picking your favorite war criminals, that's it. but because of the need to make nyra innocent all the time, someone's always being thrown under the bus (it especially pisses me off that they do this while keeping the characters mostly in character, they just bend the narrative, meaning it goes over 9/10 veiwers heads)

I love the idea of Luke being alive, I don't care how they do, he could just walk into the war room soaking wet, completely unaddressed until later on and no one ever mentions it or storms end again, and I'll be happy. I just want my boy back.

Okay I’m way late to the party, but I just finished House of the Dragon and I have a lot of thoughts.

Huge shoutout to the set designers and Ramin Djawadi for the fantastic sets and music. Even the characters’ rooms look distinct, and I’ve had the theme stuck in my head for days now.

The costumes!! I love the costumes! I want to make every piece of clothing on this show and wear it!!

Helaena is autistic, argue with the wall. She has a bug special interest, speaks very little and seemingly doesn’t recognize social cues (ex. her unintentionally roasting Aegon), and is very touch-averse. Also she’s done nothing wrong ever, which means something horrible will probably happen to her.

Matt Smith as Daemon reignited my crush on the 11th Doctor and made it worse. Him in that really long wig made me feel things.

Aemond is really cool and also kind of funny. Didn’t deserve to lose an eye to Lucerys, he may have gotten a dragon but still, he was ten and lost an eye? Add that to the trauma pile, I guess

Not enough people talk about how bad of a parent Viserys was.

Alicent. Alicent has so much depth of character, I could rant about her for way too long.

Aegon is my favorite. Yes, I know what he did, and I don’t like it at all. However, I took one look at kid Aegon and went “what a little shit, I love him” and the rest is history. This show does his character such a disservice by painting him as a two-dimensional villain, and Tom Glynn-Carney gives him so much depth.

Tom Glynn-Carney is to Aegon what Dacre Montgomery is to Billy Hargrove, in that they both have the only correct interpretations of their characters 😌

Can we please see Dreamfyre and Sunfyre? (Are those their dragons’ names? Idk I’ve never read the books) I need to see Helaena and Aegon with their dragons

I do think Rhaenyra is the best available choice for the throne, but all my faves are Greens so idk what side that puts me on. Everyone’s gonna die anyway so it doesn’t matter.

I’m deeply attached to this family of dysfunctional war criminals, and I have a lot of opinions so someone please ask me about them!

@dirtytransmasc

[thedouglastrap]

Holy heck, I actually finished writing another fic? Have some pre-retcon quadrant confusion, as Karkat and Kanaya navigate the minefield that is Karkat Not Understanding His Feelings In The Slightest.

[finelinevogue]

the fact that Y/N has post natal depression Is somewhat refreshing idk I just don't see it talked about much on here and if it is it's like Hella angsty and the partner doesn't understand what it is but I was wondering if u could touch on it a bit more cause it's something I'm really scared about happening to me and I just want harry to hold me and tell me it's going be okay 😚😚😚😚

P.s. if u don't wanna it's understandable

anon: can u write about harry helping y/n through her ppd maybe like the 3rd time was so bad that h decide that he won’t be having more children

so this was requested twice so i would love to be able to write this for you both, hope this is okay - mind it’s heavily angsty!;

tw: vomiting, ppd and od

oli - 4, felix - 3, belle - 12 weeks

Motherhood was really fucking hard.

The birth of your newly born daughter, Isabella, had really taken a back pedal on your mental health. You had suffered with post natal depression after the birth of your two sons, but nothing as bad as this.

It had hit you around the 7 week mark after giving birth. The pregnancy itself was okay, even though she was slightly premature, but it was after you’d taken her home that it’d all spiralled downhill. It started with complications with her breastfeeding - like she was rejecting the milk that you had produced. It hurt to see her reject you and your body, finding more comfort in drinking from a pre-made milk bottle as her dad rocked her to sleep. You recall the evening so clearly and felt like an utter failure as you watched her drink a bottle of formula for the first time.

“Ssh ssh,” Harry cooed to your 7 week old daughter as he rocked her in his arms on the rocking chair in her nursery. She was whining because she was hungry, but the problem was that she wasn’t accepting your milk. She hadn’t been accepting your milk all day and now it was becoming dangerous for you to keep on saying ‘Oh i’ll just try later.’ Harry had told you to make a formula bottle for her. “Mummy’s coming.”

As much as you didn’t want to, you were walking back to the nursery with a warm bottle in your hands. You’d tested it on your hand to make sure it wasn’t too hot and then taken a sip to taste it, out of jealousy, and you thought that it didn’t taste any different to you. Then again you’re not a 7 week old human whose only date is milk.

“Look here’s mummy with your yummy milk, okay? Look Belles!” Harry cooed at his darling angel and you only wished he wasn’t as happy for her as he was.

“Yeah.” You spoke softly, handing him the bottle and standing nearby, part of you hoping that she would reject this too and she wasn’t just rejecting you.

But no, she drank the formula like it was her last meal.

“Such a sweet girl, aren’t you?” Harry praised her, watching her in awe as she kept on drinking the formula. Watching as she was drinking to become the strong girl you knew she’d become. It just hurt that it wasn’t you that could help her become that.

You felt powerless. Worthless, even. The one thing that you had carried the weight of your breasts around to do and you couldn’t even do it. Your nipples were so sore and your breasts ached so badly and it was all for nothing. Perhaps it was punishment for being such a bad mum. Perhaps you’d never been good enough for this job and it was your bodies way of shutting you down forever. You wouldn’t need the ability to produce milk anymore, because you weren’t worth the title of becoming one again. You wanted to be happy for your little one, seeing her happy but all you felt was rejection and sadness. She didn’t think you were good enough to be her mum and that really hurt.

Along with the breastmilk problem, Belle also became very stubborn when you wanted to change her nappy. Anytime you tried to change and help her she put up a fuss, kicking her legs and sometimes she would bite or hit you away. It was just a reminder that you weren’t a good enough mum for her and that she didn’t feel safe enough around you. She didn’t find comfort in your presence and she was so fussy about what you did around her. With Harry, though, she was an angel. She loved him so much and obviously he made her feel so loved and safe - something you’d clearly never be able to give her.

There was also the chores of being a mother to your other two sons too. Oli and Felix were old enough to understand that they had a baby sister, but they weren’t old enough to understand how miserable you were. Harry wasn’t even able to figure it out yet. You tried your best to put on your bravest face, knowing that your family needed you to be strong but the truth was that you were crumbling on the inside. You were feeling less and less like yourself and you were waiting for the moment when you’d completely fall apart. Nothing felt right anymore. Everything was just numb.

“You two boys okay?”

You walked into the children’s playroom see that they were sat at the little table colouring in. Felix’s little legs dangled slightly, whereas Oli’s legs touched the floor and it made your heart swell at how big they were both getting.

“Yep!” Oli cheered, scribbling with his left hand as his tiny tongue stuck out from his lips as he concentrated - a habit passed onto him from his father.

“What are you both drawing?” You asked, coming over and kneeling on the floor beside them and having a peek at their drawings.

“We’re colouring for daddy.” Felix answered, some of the words not being pronounced properly due to his young lisp and lack of being taught how to say things correctly yet.

His words stung though. You appreciated that he was only a toddler and he meant nothing evil or malicious by it, but it hurt to think that maybe, just maybe, your sons were doing this for their dad because he did so much more for them than you did. Of course you tried to be the best mum you could, but maybe you weren’t doing enough. Maybe you weren’t meant to be a mum after all, or at least not a good one.

“O-oh,” you tried to hold back the tears in your eyes because your boys looked so proud at their artwork - and you should be too. “Tell me about them then, my loves.”

Oli went first, “So this is me and this is Oli and this is dad. It’s us playing football like we did the other day, mummy.” He pointed out to each of the figures, some looking actually quite terrifying but you’d never have the heart to tell him that. The figures were all holding hands though and it hurt to think that you weren’t a part of that.

“Oh that’s so good Ols!” you rubbed his head of hair and then turned to Felix’s, “What about you Fix?”

“I drew daddy as the best.” He pointed to a trophy that the figure - more like a stick-man-slenderman - was holding, which was decorated with the award of ‘my hero’.

“I told him to write hero, mummy.” Oli added, and you smiled at both of them.

“Well done. Good job both of you. Daddy will love these!” You only wished that they would draw something for you. You hated to think that you were being petty, but honestly you just wanted to feel loved. “Shall I go cut up some apple for a snack, hey?” You asked, trying to feel useful.

“Daddy is making us smoothies!” Felix answered and you had to stand up, up and away from their heigh, so they didn’t catch the tears in your eyes.

“Okay! Don’t forget to give him those pictures - he’ll love those.” You praised them and they both giggled to each other.

The sight of your sons laughing should’ve made you so happy, but it only reminded you that you weren’t the source of their happiness. You weren’t on their mind enough to be their inspiration for drawings. You definitely weren’t their hero. You were just a woman to them, not a mum. You wanted to be so much more but it was clear that they didn’t need you. They were loved by their dad and each other, not in need of your heart.

Eventually Belle settled down and was sleeping better through the night, leaving you and Harry to much more peaceful nights sleep. Well, just Harry.

You had found it near impossible to get to sleep now. You lay awake at night wondering when Belle would next wake up, wondering when she’d next need you. Harry was always quick out of bed though, even if he actually was sleeping, to help her ordering you to stay in bed and rest yourself. You couldn’t help feel like he was telling you to stay put because he knew you wouldn’t be able to do your job properly - and you started to believe him.

You’d found yourself getting jealous of those that could get to sleep. When you were walking down the road you’d judge a person by how much sleep they looked like they got last night. You definitely looked like you only had 2 hours - even when you’d only had 37 minutes but who’s counting? Your dark circles were heavily noticeable, but no one cared enough to ask. Even Harry stayed clear of you more and more often; spending more time with the kids than you and sleeping on his side of the bed instead of yours at nighttime.

There had been one evening where you had been so restless that Harry had gotten so frustrated and left the room, with a blanket and a pillow, and slept on the couch. You’d never felt so much like a burden than that night. Your family was rejecting you and you felt like a failure. You were a success at failing in everything. The meals you cooked went half eaten by everyone because you would’ve forgotten to add a key ingredient. The children preferred to spend more time playing with their dad because you weren’t energised enough to play the games they wanted to. Your daughter still rejected your milk. It was all too much and you just wanted one nights peace for it to change.

Last night had been that night.

Fuck these were so addicting. You were finally getting the sleep that you so badly craved, only with the help of tablets.

You wanted the sleep because that was the one place you could escape to. You needed that escape to help you get out of bed the next morning. Life was too hard for you to not dream, and without dreaming you didn’t want life.

It started off with taking one every night before bed, but then they stopped working again, so you started taking two, then three. Four was obviously where your body hit its limit.

“Mummy? Can you come tuck me in please?” Oli asked, little toy giraffe in hand and shaking you in hopes of waking you up to send him peacefully off to sleep.

You’d gone to bed a bit earlier tonight, lying saying that you were extremely exhausted. Harry said he would be able to handle things and that’s when you excitedly ran upstairs to take your pills; 4 of them. You’d made it into your bed, feeling slightly drowsy after completing your nighttime routine, but then you started to feel unwell and really ill. Before you’d passed out you’d stuck your fingers down your throat in hopes to make the feeling in your stomach disappear, but it ended up you throwing up all over the bed and pass out right there.

“Mummy! Wake up!” Oli rattled your back, but you were still unresponsive.

Oli padded out of the room and down to his sisters room where he knew his dad was. Belle was being extra fussy this evening and Harry suspected it had everything to do with you retiring early. He heard Oli come into the room just as he’d gotten Belle down.

“Y’alright buddy?” Harry whispered, tip-toeing out of Belle’s room, leaving the door open slightly, and crouched down in front of him.

“No. Mummy’s not waking up.” Oli pouted, rubbing a tired fist over his eye.

“She’s probably in dreamland, bud. She was really tired today.”

“She’s really tired all of the times.”

“I know, Ol.” Because Harry did know, but he was too much of a coward to face up to the problem. The doctors had said that post natal depression can strengthen with every birthed child, but he was too blind sighted by the fact that you’d overcome the first birthed post natal depression so quickly, and was so in love with his baby girl, that he didn’t truly see how bad things had gotten. Harry had tried giving you some space, distancing himself from you in bed and spending more time with the kids so you could relax and rest up, but nothing seemed to be working. He was surprised, actually, that you’d been having better sleep recently and so was hopeful that maybe the worst of the depression was over.

Hell, was he so wrong.

“Go to bed, bud okay? I’ll be there in a minute.”

“Wake mummy up so she can give me a kiss.”

“I’ll try little man, alright?” Harry scuffed his sons hair and then watched him walk off to his room.

Harry walked into your dark room, the air smelling slightly sour, and walked around to your side of the bed. He sat down next to you sighed heavily. He needed to speak to you, no matter how tired or angry you’d be with him. He was losing you as a wife and a mother and a soulmate and a lover. He was just losing you, just as you were losing yourself and he was doing tip-toeing around the problem any longer. He was going to try and make this better. He was going to better understand how you were feeling in order to help you.

“Baby?” He spoke softly, nudging you gently, “Baby wake up.” No response. “Y/N, my love? Wake up for me darling, need to speak with you.” Normally you would’ve stirred by now but there was still nothing. “Y/N?” Harry shook you a bit more urgently now - one that would surely wake even the deepest of sleepers. “Y/N!” He shouted, perhaps a bit too loudly for the comfort of his children.

He turned you over and that’s when he knew this was very, very, bad.

Your face was pale grey and your mouth was covered in the remains of vomit, and he suddenly understood the gross sour smell from before. Your hair was greasy and stuck all in the wet sick all over your face. Your eyes were puffy from the remains of tears. You looked dead.

“No, no, no. Y/N! No you don’t.” Harry’s eyes starting weeping and he couldn’t think straight. He checked your pulse on your wrist and timed it - it was unhealthily faint. He wouldn’t be surprised if you were in your last beats of your heart. His tears and sobs were uncontrollable, but he had to be both strong for you and his children, as well as for him. “Fuck sake pull yourself together Harry. Okay, baby hold on please. Okay? You don’t get to leave me like this, you hear me? I love you so much, baby. Fuck i’m so sorry.” He gently placed your head back down on the pillow and pulled out his phone.

999

“What’s your emergency?”

“I need a-an ambulance p-please. I-I think my wife i-is dying.”

The rest of it was a blur for Harry. Him trying to wake you up. The ambulance arriving. Oli and Felix crying when they saw you being carried away on a stretcher. Belle’s deafening screams. Harry’s heart beating for the both of you.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

It was the rhythmic beeping sounds that woke you up.

Your whole body felt achey and sore, your head a pounding mess. You opened your eyes slowly, adjusting them to the light of the room. You expected to see the family photo on the wall opposite you and the white of your curtains, but you were met with a heart-monitor machine and a hospital bed instead. You looked down at your body and noticed a cannula in your arm, making you squirm because you hated stuff like that so much. Your nose had a tube running inside it too, feeding you the oxygen your lungs weren’t receiving properly.

It then dawned on you how you weren’t in the room alone. You saw a sleeping Anne and Gemma on the chairs in the far corner, with Felix and Oli tucked against their sides - Anne with Oli and Felix with Gemma. It was so cute to see them so cuddled up close. They looked peaceful. You took note of the baby pram that was at the end of your bed, most likely playing bed to your beautiful daughter. Your mind felt lost. You can’t really remember what had happened, apart from taking four of those sleeping pills. You fully remember the weight of feeling worthless and useless as both a mum and a wife, though, and that feeling was still very prominent.

Your eyes lastly landed to the side of you, where Harry was sat but also laid on your bed. The top of half of his body laid upon the bed, his head buried onto this arm deep within the bed, whilst his bottom stayed rooted to the chair. His hand was holding yours tightly, which was a sign that he wasn’t asleep. You were so scared to face him though. You had failed him, again and again and you weren’t sure whether you could be enough for him anymore. Enough for your family anymore.

You squeezed his hand three times saying ‘I love you.’

“Y/N,” He whispered so hoarsely, but you were so focused on him to even catch it. He looked ruined, and you’d done that to him. His eyes were dark and tired, but also red and puffy from where he’d been crying. His hair was a mess and you could tell it hadn’t been washed in a while. How long had you been out for? You felt rested in your sleep, but not in your mind or your heart.

“I—” Your breathe got caught in your throat, but you persevered to finish your words. He deserved to here them. “I’m sorry.” You were whispering so you didn’t disturb anyone else in the room.

“No, stop it. I’m sorry baby.”

“Harry don’t, you don’t have anyt—”

“Stop yes I do I—”

“Harry please you don’t owe—”

“Y/N listen!” He cut the little volley-conversation and ordered you to just stop. You started crying when you saw that he was too. “Whatever you’re going to say, don’t. Whatever you’re thinking, stop it right now. Because I love you. Fuck, I do. I love you so much that when I found you unconscious in a pile of your own sick thinking you were dead, my only thought was that I wished it were me instead”.

“Harry, you don’t mean—”

“My god Y/N! You don’t get it, do you? I would do anything to switch places with you right now. I would suffer a thousand times over if it meant you were okay. I’d suffer in hell for you. Nobody else but you has ever made me feel like this. I married you because I love you and I want to wake up next to you every day of my beating hearts life. I chose to have children with you, because I knew how great of a mum you’d be and what beautiful people you’d help bring up into the world—”

“But i’m not.” You cut Harry short, trying to pull your hand away from him but he didn’t let you - only tightening his grip and pulling himself closer towards you. He was so close you could kiss him.

“Not what?” He asked, although he already knew the answer. You’d both had this conversation before, but you were both tired of it and were ready for it to be your last now.

“A good mum. I’m- i’m not a good mum or wife, Harry and i’m sorry.”

“I told you not say it and stop thinking it, because you’re completely wrong Y/N. You’re a good mother and a good wife, because you are a good person.”

“But i’m not great.” You whimpered, thinking back to the drawings your Oli and Felix had done. “I’m not the best.”

“But you don’t have to be, baby. You see our beautiful, healthy, happy and safe babies over there?” Harry turned to look at them, love in his eyes as in yours. “They wouldn’t be all those things, no matter how you feel about yourself, without you. I could never have brought them up to be half the people they are without you by my side, the way you make me a better person. You claim you don’t got this, but baby you’re already doing it and have been doing it for 5 years with our children and so much longer with me.”

“I’m just so fucked up Harry.” Your head tilted back on the pillow as you got heavily emotional over the situation.

Harry shook his head and moved his hand to cup the back of your neck, moving your head forwards until it met his. The touch of his skin against yours, no matter where and how small, made you feel alive and you’d missed him and that feeling so much. You missed loving him so much.

“Listen to me.” He ordered, keeping you still. “You are strong and you are brave Y/N Styles. No matter what you tell yourself I will be here every goddamn day of my life, if I have to, to remind you that you are worth more than your fucking weight in gold. You are my heart. You are my soul and the mother to my greatest achievements. I know they are yours too, just as I know I am your heart.

“You are.” You whispered so quietly under your breathe, but Harrys heart warmed when he caught you saying it. He knew though.

“Just let me love you. Let me be there for you. If you want medication then let’s do it, and i’ll be there for every step of the way. If you want to go to a rehabilitation centre for a bit, that’s okay we can—”

You shook your head and licked the tears away from your face. You were both such tearful messes, but the love between you was undeniable. “No, no please, no.”

“Okay, okay, love. We won’t. See, you’re okay. I promise, you’re okay. Stay with me, yeah? I’ll love you and keep you safe, just as you will me.”

“Promise.” You told him sincerely. He brought his lips to yours with that single word. He was so proud of your for being so brave and strong. He wishes he was half the person you were. His lips conveyed those thoughts of his and you could taste the love and passion burning through his heart and out on to his lips. He tasted like home. z he was home. Your lips smacked together messily, but you didn’t care because you loved each other too much and had kissed each other even more. Once you pulled back he stayed close to you, smiling at you with such awe. “I think.. I think I want to try medication please.”

Harry didn’t say ‘okay’ or ‘sure thing’, no. He said four words that meant more to you in that moment that any others in the universe. More than saying ‘I love you.’ Words that reminded you that not everything is okay and that sucks really bad, but you’re doing your best to get through it. It was a reminder that you had so many people who loved you and cared for you. It was a gun at the starting line symbolising that the journey ahead wasn’t going to be easy, but worth it.

“I’m proud of you.”

[itsahotminuteinbetween]

(Finally finished...well, as finished as I can make it, at least.)

Ta-da! Steven universe au! I'm sure this has been done before, but I came up with this in the dead of night and sketched it out. It's on the computer now, and man, digital art is hard. Props to those who do it and make it look good.

But yeah, this is here now. Essentially, this would be taking the pearls and Diamonds from SU and putting my own spin on it. Meaning:

The boys were inhabitants of some planet before being taken hostage after their planet was conquered (remember Blue Diamond's kindergarten? That.)

They got "upgraded"-switched out body parts for mechanical enhancements (like the limb enhancements we see, except permanently attached-essentially cyborgs). From there, they were tested and experimented on, and had a pearl implanted into their hands (very painful, btw), before becoming the servants of the Diamonds.

Sun's Yellow Diamond's pearl (yes, I based this off of color scheme, I'm not original, I'm sorry), and was treated pretty badly. Constant abuse and experiments, being yelled at for the littlest things, all that kinda stuff. He doesn't have his right arm anymore: Yellow snapped once, and broke it, before proceeding to beat him with it. She refuses to get it fixed. Sun...he doesn't disobey the rules anymore. No, doing that would mean more pain, would mean ending up like...like them.

Alright, Moon is Blue's pearl (I know he's purple, I couldn't think of a better color scheme. I'll probably change it at some point, dw), and he wasn't hurt as physically as Sun. I'm not sure if I should make him a sort of Ruby-Sapphire role-not the ship, but the jobs. I imagined him as her guard and her right-hand man, someone to follow orders and do the gruesome tasks.

At some point early on, he tried escaping. Got into an argument with Sun about it because he wanted him to join him. Sun stayed behind, and Moon got caught...I don't know if I want it to be because Sun ratted him out, or if it was just dumb luck...he was dragged back to the palace and locked away in isolation, without contact with anyone for a full year. Because of their enhancements, they technically don't require food or sustenance and won't die without it...they'll just be really hungry. Moon wasn't given food during this period of time either, so he was basically in a dark room without any stimulation other than the constant starvation he felt. When he was finally let out, he became a lot more subdued and quiet than before...he, like Sun, learned to follow orders to the dot. He hates it with all his being though, and loathes the Diamonds. But he's stopped planning an escape...he's told that Sun suffered incredible punishment in his absence, and doesn't want it to happen again.

Because of Moon's escape, all pearls and "property gems" wear shock collars with ID built into them that prevents them from leaving the palace without a chaperone. It also restricts access into certain rooms.

Alright, now for Lunar: White's pearl. I haven't really figured out much of his role, but he's essentially the equivalent of Volleyball here. White took any semblance of free will and made him her puppet...he's similar to Moon in that sense, does all her dirty work. She'll occasionally send him in her place during raids, battles, and conquests. He's the perfect little puppet...

He does break free of her hold sometimes, but it's very rare. When he does, though, he gains complete awareness of anything that's happened and all the time that's passed.

His pearl is cracked, there are shards missing...

The other pearls are afraid of him. He serves as a reminder of what happens to those who don't listen. Even the Diamonds get nervous around him.

Well, that's it for now, I guess. I'll come up with more at some other point, and I'm open for suggestions if any of you want add on to it. I'm still not sure what I wanna do with Eclipse, but I have some ideas. I was thinking a Jasper, or maybe White Diamond, although I think maybe an old Offcolor Gem would be better...I have some design ideas floating around for them, but I dunno how this'll pan out.

And if anyone asks, I don't plan on including a reader or y/n in this au, (mainly because I can't draw people well). You're welcome to add them into your own ideas if you want, but it's not gonna be cannon. I suppose if I were to add them in, they'd maybe be Pink's old pearl, or Steven himself? Just the rescuer of the boys. Maybe they'd rescue the boys and become a crew, like Lars and the Off-colors, I dunno. I'm just playing around with this. I dunno how far I'll take it, figured I'd might as well put it here.

(Psst.

Hey.

Does anyone wanna see an au I've been working on?

...

Might post the concept later if anyone's interested)

[earnestly-endlessly]

Hey! I hope I'm not bothering you, I just found your blog and I love it sm, and I saw you sometimes do cherik fic recs. Do you have any Canon divergence aus/fix it, preferably after Cuba, that are 30k or longer and have a happy ending? If not thats okay! You don't have to answer this. Have a wonderful day!

Hi anon, thank you so much. I’m happy you both like my blog and my recs. You are certainly not bothering me, and feel free to send me an ask any time. I have plenty of recommendations for you. Some of them diverge a bit from your request because I couldn’t help but recommend them as well. I will put a note on those who diverge from your request. As always, I only recommend fics I have personally read and enjoyed and I sincerely you love them too.

-Canon divergence aus/fix it, post Cuba, 30k or longer, with a happy ending cherik fic recs-

Not Half As Blinding- keire_ke

Summary: Cuban beach AU. Charles discovers that death does, in fact, solve everything.

Lay down beside me (so still and so soft) – C-Gracewood

Summary: A different take on the events of the film.

Rumor Has It – blueink3

Summary: "Did I hear the doorbell earlier?"

"Yeah, but I'd steer clear if I were you. It seemed a little tense. I don't know what's going on, but there's a kid out there who looks freakily like the prof."

Nearly six months after Cuba, Charles' life is turned upside down for the second time. Though he's slowly learning to adapt to the first, he's not sure he can handle the second. Luckily for him, there are a few people out there more than willing to help.

Forward Momentum – AsYouWish

Summary: Six months after Cuba, Charles and Erik find themselves thrown fifty years into the future, where they meet their older selves, the Avengers, and a world that's very different from their own. Faced with the pieces of their broken relationship, an unparalleled adversary, and dealing with Tony Stark on a daily basis, Charles and Erik do their best to adapt while trying to find a way back home -- and to each other.

When an Unstoppable Force Meets an Immovable Optimist – ToriTC198

Summary: "You are always trying to save me, Charles." Erik mused aloud. "Ever since you dove into the ocean and dragged me out. Did it ever occur to you that I might not be worth saving?"

A genuine smile broke out on Charles' face as he brightly answered, "No, my friend, not once. I have every confidence you are well worth saving. But, I never truly believed I could save you. You are not the sort of man who someone saves. The choice to be a better man has always been yours to make and I hold no illusions that I can make that decision for you. I simply have faith that one day you will save yourself. I only hope I am still at your side to witness it."

What if Erik and Charles had been able to find a middle ground in the end?

Take the First Option – ShowMeAHero

Summary: When Erik becomes unbalanced, Emma presents him with three options: go back to Charles for three months and learn to deal with whatever he has going have going on, lose his Brotherhood, or let Emma control his mind.

He really only has one choice.

Virtue to Which We Aspire – varlovian

Summary: Nine months after Cuba, Charles is found by Erik's Brotherhood in the smoldering ruins of an abandoned CIA base, exhausted but alive. As the only known survivor of the CIA's vendetta against mutants, recovering Charles' memory of the incident—which he admits to having forgotten—just became paramount.

But the harder they push, the closer Charles gets to breaking point. When he finally cracks, the X-Men and the Brotherhood will learn the truth, but it comes with a price...

Some doors, once opened, cannot be closed.

Some minds, once broken, will never be the same again.

The Waking of the Red King – rustingroses

Summary: When Charles' heavy injuries on the Cuban beach conspire to leave him in a coma and living in fantasy of his own making, Erik, the man who once threatened to divide the mutant cause, finds himself desperately trying to hold everything together. First of the Red King trilogy.

Wake Up and Smell the Pancakes –  Ayra Sei Ethari

Summary: In one universe, Erik left Charles. In another, he stayed. So what happens when the two Eriks get switched? "At first, Erik thinks he's dreaming. Then he realizes that this is Charles. Who is not paralyzed. And kissing him.

Rage and Serenity – MagickMaker, TheFangedGoblin

Summary: After Charles is shot on the beach, he is rushed to the hospital and paralysis is prevented. Ridden with guilt, Erik finds that he cannot leave him. He helps him heal, and eventually, Charles learns to trust him again. But when they set out to rescue Emma from the CIA and accept her onto their team, tensions rise. Will love keep Erik and Charles together despite their differences?

No Yesterdays on the Road – pocky_slash

Summary: It's been two months since Cuba and things are settling down for Charles, Erik, and the beginnings of their mutant school. Right up until Charles disappears, that is. Faced with the possibility that a bitter Emma Frost has kidnapped Charles, Erik is forced to team up with Moira to hunt down the remainder of the Hellfire Club. From there, they hope to locate Frost and retrieve Charles, without killing each other along the way.

(Or: Erik and Moira Drive Across the Country and Talk About Their Feelings.)

What Can We Do Without You? – SwoopSwoop

Summary: Charles and the boys were holding onto a secret more dear to them than their own lives when Charles disappears into the night; Erik is betrayed and finds himself returning to Westchester in the hopes that the government was just trying to trick him. All the while the boys are stuck in the middle, left guarding the secret from the man they are most afraid of finding out who is weaselling his way back into their lives alarmingly easily.

Note: Includes Mpreg, but don’t let that discourage you from reading it because it’s a really great fix-it.

Survival Instinct – Lindstorm

Summary: It’s been months since Charles pulled Erik out of the ocean, and Erik is beginning to wonder how many more times he can choose Charles, and still keep his vow to kill Shaw. Cooperating with the CIA is straining Erik’s patience. When a fact-gathering mission goes wrong and Charles is kidnapped, Erik is left trying to hold their mutant band together while Raven and the rest of them fall apart. No one can foresee how the mutant Charles meets in captivity will challenge all his assumptions about his own power, and twist Charles’ telepathy out of his control. In the race to stop Shaw's nuclear ambitions from coming to fruition, Charles makes a crucial misstep. Erik’s decision between Shaw and Charles takes on unexpected ramifications when [spoiler deleted].

Needles (Series) – Skull_Bearer

Summary: AU where everyone's born Dominant or Submissive

Once a Dominant and Submissive pair is born, they are linked to each other, no matter how far apart they are. This link doesn't actually tell the Dom or the Sub each other's thoughts, but it does allow them to know how the other's doing and serves as a reassurance that there's someone meant for them out there.

Another one of the reasons that Erik hates Shaw so badly is because Shaw managed to break Erik's link to his Sub. Now Erik doesn't even know if his Sub's alive because breaking a link like that can kill a Submissive.

Meanwhile, Charles hates himself for not yet having telepathy strong enough to contact and help his Dom, especially after feeling the pain his Dom was forced to go through. He truly believes that his Dominant is dead. Hopes it, some nights when he remembers how his Dom was forced to suffer. It's better than to think of his Dom still being forced to bear that pain.

And then Charles pulls Erik from the water

Time to Grow – zarah5

Summary: In which you'll find chess dates which aren't dates (or maybe Charles is wrong about that). -- Based on First Class, this turns (slightly) AU during the beach scene.

Note: This fic is less than 30k words but it’s such a fandom classic and just a great read if you love your fix-its.

Faults for Fixing – beren

Summary: Charles sees the events of the missile crisis and subsequent weeks when he uses Cerebro to touch the mind of a mutant with the power to see the near future. When he wakes up he is determined that he will not allow them to happen and he will not lose the people he loves.

Note: A bit less than 30k words long but another great read.

It’s like one of us woke up – kaydeefalls

Summary: "You came here for me," Charles said, meeting Shaw's gaze levelly. "So let's not waste any more time."

Canon!AU in which Charles and Erik do find Shaw in Russia.

Note: XMFC fix it, but the events in Cuba don’t happen. 

Afterlife – Anna (arctic_grey)

Summary: A year after Washington, Erik wakes up in excruciating pain as sudden awareness washes over him: Charles is dead. Erik has to adjust to yet another future: no extinction, just a world without Charles. But the death of his former friend leaves Erik weak and his powers drained. His quest for answers leads him back to Westchester, where Erik has to face his past with Charles and put together the puzzle pieces of what happened to the man he once cared for.

The Burdens We Long to Carry – arcapelago (arcanewinter)

Summary: When mutant-supporter and ally President Kennedy is assassinated and all pro-mutant progress is dismantled, Charles is no longer so confident that he's on the right side, and extends his hand to Erik after a year of animosity. They settle tentatively into their old partnership, but not everything is the same as it was--and not everything can be. When Hank develops a metal frame to move the lower half of Charles' body for him if he wants it, Erik offers the use of his mind and his ability in order to make it work. Both find out what they're willing to do for each other, and neither knows if it'll be enough to keep them together.

Other Futures Than These – midrashic

Summary: In which Cuba doesn't break them apart, but that doesn't mean that their futures are tied together. (Except that it does.)

A Days of Future Past AU where only one person can defeat the Sentinels and save the future: the man whose imprisonment and torture created them, and Charles Xavier's ex.

The Winter of Banked Fires – Yahtzee

Summary: Charles Xavier has returned from the dead -- but is lost within his own mind. Rogue has cast aside her own power and doesn't know where she fits in the world any longer. The production of synthetic Cure means mutantkind itself is newly at risk. And Magneto, turned human against his will, is in despair until the day he feels a familiar consciousness tugging at his own --

Set after X-3 (with much desperate fix-it applied), during XMFC, and every time in between.

[hanako-san]

Tittle: Future IV

A/N: Hope you like it

-Current times- Teru was in the temple belonging to his family, in the interior of the temple at the altar, he added earth to the ode in a glass, he slept it, he added white dust and waited. "Teru-sama, why are you so involved in this case" "Kanagure-san, it's none of your business" "I'm sorry." He bowed apologetically The water in the glass turned black as darkness "Teru-sama … this is .." Shocked Kanagure "Yes. I know. Time to fix what the Minamoto family broke," He said

-Year 1969- Amane disappeared a week ago. The desperate Yugi family looked for their son everywhere. They reported their son missing to the police. Amane's school and class as well Class became involved in the search for the boy. Their efforts have so far been unsuccessful. Yugi's mother stopped at the threshold of the corridor and she fell to the ground howling in despair "My second dearest son has disappeared. This has happened for the second time !! I can't stand anymore !!" She screamed in despair "Sweetheart!" The husband hugged her to him and tried not to show her that he wanted to cry as much as she did, that everything inside him was screaming

Before returning home, Tsukasa decided to double-check the places where He and Amane like to be. Thread. He came home disappointed "Amane !!!" The mother ran quickly to the door, thinking her older son was back Her gaze turned with joy to cold and cool when she saw that it was Tsukasa. "It's you …" She said coldly, without looking at him "Wash your hands, dinner will be soon" She added and walked away "…. okay...." he said, hurt by his mother's attitude. It was clear that she was blaming Tsukasa for making Amane disappear

Since Amane's disappearance, Tsukasa has been spending time in his room. Sad, he held a teddy bear, sat by the window, sighed and looked at the moon "Look .. you have nothing to do with the disappearance of Amane?" "NO. I DON'T KNOW WHERE HE IS, HIS FATE IS UNKNOWN EVEN TO ME" "Amane …" said Tsukasa looking at the moon and the tears fell.

***

Yugi's mother was also sitting by the window and looking at the moon. Yugi's father got up from the bed because he couldn't sleep either and went to his wife. "Honey … I wanted to talk about something. It's not the best time, but … I need to talk to you about it." "What do you want to talk about?" "Tsukasa .. You treat him very badly even now. He needs you and you are rejecting him and I have a feeling that you blame him for Amane's disappearance I know he thinks so too. Stop pushing him away at last! He also suffers. Can't you really see it? " "This thing is not my son. And I believe he did something to our son, and if my beloved Amane gets stuck and replaced something like with Tsukasa. This is not our son when you understand this and I will continue to suspect him. I'm afraid our son will come back and it won't be our son, but this something will remind him, and we'll be next to him, "she said without looking at her husband "And again..." sighed her husband "Someday you'll find out I was right," she said Yugi's father said nothing anymore. There was no point in talking to my wife. He left the house and went on to search - to no avail. He went to the police ask for searches - without new information. The despairing father returned home. He quietly opened the door to the house. Tsukasa, who heard the door opening, quickly ran to his father, thinking, it's his brother "Dad …" "Nothing," He replied Desperate, Tsukasa ran into his father's arms and cried loudly. Yuga's father hugged his son and cried with him

-The present times, night -Minamoto House- Amane couldn't sleep what he learned from Kou disturbing to him. He went to the kitchen to pour himself some water, and he wiped the flowing water every now and then. He put his hands on the sink tears. He went to the bathroom. He rested his hands on the sink, looked into the mirror in front of him, his beautiful eyes were puffy from sleeplessness and red from tears. He washed his face and left, quietly entered Kou's room and went back to the mat, sat down. "Amane" Kou got up "Did I wake you up?" He didn't look at Kou "It's nothing" He got up and sat down next to him "What's going on?" He asked "Really nothing" He rocked, could barely hold back his tears, and his voice was teary "Don't lie" "…"

"Amane, I know we are really bred for ages, but let me tell you something. You hide emotions, you don't say anything, you do everything your way to nobody without saying anything, you are not talking about your suffering. You want to carry this burden alone, but you aren't alone here. Guys have problems and experiences too we ourselves cannot argue with. We need help and talk. We are not strong and we don't have to pretend we are and with everything we can handle it because it's not true " "…….." "…….." "…….." "If you want … but when you decide, I am here for you" He said sighing "Because .." he decided "Yes?" "I will kill Tsukasa for whom I don't know yet. And now he learns that my brother has sacrificed himself for my health. Regret and hurt. Tsukasa is absolutely justified. So is reminding me of my act. Tsukasa thinks I hate him, and it's not true how can i hate my twin. I'm glad to have him " "I don't think you are a bad guy" Kou's tone became serious "………" "Listen" He looked at his broken friend "Amane … you once told me such words If I killed you now, but I'd have a good reason to kill you- "What?!" Shocked, Amane stopped and his crying increased "No. Calm down !! Let her finish," he said He calmed down and sat down "Your reaction … your facial expression was really strange to describe. You didn't look like you wanted to do it, and you were forced to do it" He described "………" "That's why I know you're not bad guy, but something had to happen that made you decide to do it. I know that he wants to turn the tide, so we'll help you." "….. Thank you" Tears emerged

Amane was in the toilet, he wanted to get out of this place he had bad memories of. His spiritual version said he had something to do and he stayed alone because Yashiro and Kou were in class. He walked the corridor and watched as everything changed, he put his hands in his pockets and sighed, he stood in the middle of the corridor and looking out the window at students who had PE, he sighed heavily. "AMANEEEEEEEE !!!!!!!!!!!!" Tsukasa, happy to see his brother, quickly ran up and hugged his chest from behind, hugged the left side of his face to his face. "Amane, Amane !!" "Tsu..kasa" he stuttered "Oh …?" Tsukasa, felt the heat of his brother's body and felt "Body heat?" Surprised

In panic, Amane took his hands out of the pickles and pushed Tsukasa away from him without looking at him in panic "Hmm .." He shook his head suspiciously Amane fled to the toilet, fell to his knees, his body dropped, his arms stretched, his head between his shoulders. "Was close" "HANAKO KUN !!!!!!!!" Nene shouted Nene's scream made Amane correct himself and pretended nothing had happened. "Amane-Kun .." "My spiritual version is busy, maybe I can help you" He smiled falsely, raising his lips slightly upwards. "Come." She grabbed his hand

****

"Um .. Yashiro" He didn't know how to describe what he saw Amane paled and his glasses tilted. "I tried to make donuts" "Donuts!!" Amane looked at her and his eyes flashed "Amane-kun, you are drooling" "Sorry …" He turned red, quickly wiping off his saliva. "You really love donuts" "…. my reaction all says" Embarrassed "Yes, but we know you love donuts because you told us" "Really, me ?!" Surprised "Yes" "….." "So what will you help?" "Of course!!"

****

After a hard work in the kitchen, they went to the toilet. Nobody was there. "That's weird .." Amane had a weird feeling "Yashiro … you know .. this is weird .. check the classes and I have a case outside the school." "Amane-kun … " Yugi circled the entire school, checked the lockers and found no one after 30 minutes he and Yashiro met outside the school. "There are no students or teachers, it looks like the supernatural have disappeared too" Nene worried "Same here. No students. It's weird." "There is still an art room," said Nene "Then let's go!"

***

Amane was very concerned about this situation. Ever since he returned from the future, he ignored everything strange that happened at his school, but he couldn't be here just leave make and ignore because here he had a duty and he felt that Tsukasa had something to do with it, so he wanted to get involved "Amane-kun. If-" "I know, I know these rumors. In my time they are too," He said seriously, "Let's go" He smiled at her "Yes" As they stood on the 4 steps, they were dragged. Amane turned pale, his eyes stopped working. "Amane-Kun .." Nene touched his arm and said "Y-this is my house" He was shaking, frowned with applause, and fear appeared in his eyes "Your home?" Nene looked around and saw Amane's pale face Amane was appalled by the condition of the house. He didn't notice the man leaving behind him. "The TV works …?" He looked out of the corner of his eye in surprise Nene and Amane heard the crash of something falling. Amane made his way upstairs without hesitation. He didn't hear Nene asking him to wait. Voices came from a room with a slack door. Yugi leaned over and saw Tsukasa standing over Hanako who fell on his knees and was really shocked. "Amane, are you having fun?" "……" " Tsukasa … "Hanako said after a moment, standing and glared at his brother angrily," Why are you doing this? "Hanako grabbed Tsukasa by his kimono and pulled him towards him. "You know … I like that look … especially the look in which you killed me" "…." Hanako covered his face as always to conceal his reaction to his words. "It's time to start the fun!" He raised his hands high, "Let's play. SAVE ME AMANE" Tsukasa voice changed to despair and begging for rescue "TSUASKA !! ARE YOU THERE MY BROTHER?" Hanako shouted, all terrified, hollow voice and body "Hmm .. why are you screaming? I'm here?" Tsukasa returned to * old * himself, his voice cool and his eyes reassured themselves black again. Hanako wasn't surprised, he knew, that as supernatural his eyes also have the same appearance sometimes, but in Tsukasa it was something more, more dark "…. y-yeah …" He confirmed, biting his lower lip "It's time to start!" He repeated and disappeared "Hanako-kun" "What's happening?" Amane asked "….." Hanako looked down and said nothing, swayed, wordlessly Amane ran to Hanako and grabbed him in his arms. Hanako's cap fell beside Amane's leg. Yugi held his head down and Hanako whispered something in his ear, then passed out. "I see …" Hanako said, "Yashiro stay with him. Kou and we will go." "What you want to do?" Asked Kou "Amane putting on his cap. He was holding the brim of the cap with his fingers "What do you want to do?" Nene asked, blushing more "Play with my brother," he said mysteriously

C.D.N

[tsukidrama]

Hi, hi, hi, hi! Pink Anon here, guess who has two thumbs and got COVID-19? This girl. Sorry for going MIA for a while there, it was physically draining to even use my phone! I'm cool now, I feel normal, I'm writing again!

I'm really happy you liked my requests! I'm looking forward to seeing them go to he beach and having some sort of picnic, like I've said they really deserve it. I'm not complaining about the spoilers, I'm waiting to see how it all plays out, especially after last chapter. Boy did it ruin me. Specifically this part, "'I’m not taking a break! I’ve been training this whole time,' Annie pleads, terrified." Made me put my phone down and realize just how severe Annie's trauma really is, holy shit. You really managed to capture that fear perfectly, being scared of your parents/an authority figure. It feels different than other fears, I think. I don't have the most experience with it, but with the little bit I do, it really seems accurate and that's what's really heartbreaking about this chapter. Completely destroyed me.

ah, shit. noooo, i remember what it was like to be sick like that. at one point i don't think i moved out of the same spot for 2 days. i'm glad that you seem to be feeling better now at least! i hope everyone close to you is okay, too.

of course dear! i'll likely do an otbp with a picnic relatively soon, and i'll make them go to the beach in the main TRNT story 💘

it never stops hurting. FUCKK ME. Annie is and always has been the queen of repression - and even if she started thinking about her dad differently and in a positive light after she left on her mission, she still spent 11+ years living with him when he didn't give a shit about her. she's got to have complicated feelings about him but she pushes away the bad thoughts and memories because she wants to be loved so badly. she's so tragic,,, i can fix it for u babey.

both of them are perfectly fine with leaving the past in the past but IT MAKES ME SO MAD. don't get me wrong i love Papa so dearly. probably more than a lot of people do tbh, but it also pisses me off that there's been no plot to address all his unforgivable crimes against baby Annie. writing ch 9 was insane because on one hand i was writing through my own tears, but on the other i kind of felt like Papa gets what he deserves :/

on one hand i kind of hate him and i hope he suffers for the rest of his life but also in TRNT he is genuinely a really positive father figure. but it's MEANT to be extremely conflicting, he is hated for good reason. at this point, TRNT Papa really isn't even the same character anymore, but it's also the only version of him that i'm willing to accept.

"'You can rest. You’ve done perfectly,' he says. '...I have?'" OW. I feel like I've seen other people talk about this line, but god does it hurt a lot. Annie questions Papa twice when he tells her to rest, which really shows just how cemented in her head training was. She wasn't allowed to take breaks, so even when he explicitly tells her she doesn't think she can, she doesn't even know how.

IMMMM SSORRRRYYYY i know, i know. that's why he HAD to be the one to go out and calm her down. nothing that reader could've done would've helped no matter how hard she tried, because Papa was the only one Annie needed comfort from right then.

of course she doesn't know what to do -- she's never taken a moment to just rest for her entire life. even whenever she moves out to the cottage she's still bouncing off the walls and constantly finding projects to distract herself with. she runs from her problems until it literally destroys the heart of the home.

there are like 3 different lines during that scene that hit me in the gut every time. basically everything tbh, but especially all of the spoken dialogue. the bit that personally gets me the most is when they both go quiet, then reader peeks around to see that he's crying and struggling to say "i love you." LIKE BITCH. KILL ME NOW. i'm going to eat glass.

Even how the chapter is ended was amazing(ly sad), I really enjoyed reading the whole thing. When I got the notification, I literally jumped out of my chair. I'm really looking forward to the next chapter, if this is Annie's rock bottom, she can only get better, right? I hope so. Overall, I'm very satisfied. Another utterly devastating chapter, in the best way possible.

the next chapter (10) will mostly be addressing the fallout of what happened in ch 9. some hard conversations that are going to take place in the next couple chapters but i swear to GOD that it doesn't get any worse. it's uphill from here, which is honestly so exciting for me because i never thought this series would grow into what it is.

no way is it going to be worse than this. that mess what all the angst i've been alluding to for months lol. IM SO GLAD YOU LIKE IT THOUGH, YOUR OPINIONS AND FEEDBACK MEAN SO MUCH TO ME!!!

On another note, I'm not writing as much as I'd like. School, coronavirus, and I'm also joining a soccer team? Out of character, but it is a good distraction. I've been getting into sports lately, so much so that part of me wants to write an Annie x reader where her and the reader are on some sort of team. If I can find the time, of course. I'm just trying to decide what sport she would play.

you don't have to be writing every second of every day! it sounds like you have a lot going on. i'm not too sporty myself but i would absolutely go to your soccer games and cheer for you.

HONESTLY I SWEAR I'M NOT EVEN SAYING THIS BECAUSE I KNOW IT'S YOUR SPORT, BUT SOCCER IS A GOOD ONE. she's fast/small and it's canon that a lot of the fighting she does uses her legs. AND THE UNIFORMS. i support you doing a soccer au for maximum self insert potential. Annie is your soccer gf who always holds your hand on the bus on the way to games. she always runs to you when you're tired or when you've fallen just to make sure you're alright.

my top sport for Annie is always boxing. and another idea that goes hand in hand with this, is illegal cage fighting aksdjfdk, HEAR ME OUT. she's so good that she could make a living off of placing bets on herself. bitch would be the reigning champion, she's a fucking maniac. it also has lots of good potential for fics where her significant other is fussing over her tending to her injuries.

Hm, another song recommendation that fits the fic (by the way I loved the link to Slipping Through My Fingers by ABBA, I could totally see the connection, as sad as it is), April Come She Will by Simon and Garfunkel. The soft, summer vibes of the song fit the cottage setting, I think. It's a short song, but one that I love nonetheless.

i actually had a difficult time picking out a song for this chapter. i almost released it with no song at all, but then i had an abba playlist on while doing the dishes or something and next thing i know i'm crying. that song from Papa's POV really hurts in a special, evil type of way, huh? i'm devastated over it.

and re: the song, YOU'RE SO RIGHT. not even just the soft vibe of the song but the lyrics - it reminds me of how things are slowly going askew for them despite both putting forward effort. it's a bit of a sad song with it ending where it does but i definitely agree that it very much fits the vibe, added to my trnt playlist. i just wish that the song went on a little bit longer so things could be fixed lol.

Have a nice day <3,

Pink Anon

you too! and again sorry for the delay i just wanted to have the mental energy to have a good response