#and then bottling it up and probably having a massive public breakdown abt it later bc who the hell do i talk to abt this shit
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#do u ever hear someone say something in a certain tone#and it genuinely makes you burst into tears#everything is just turning out like last time again !!#i was never this triggered with my ex and i dont fucking !! understand why !! im so hyper vigilant of everything my bf (idk ??) does now !!#its just a never ending cycle of overthinking > upset > hostile bc upset > him upset > never bringing up the issue bc does it even Matter#and then bottling it up and probably having a massive public breakdown abt it later bc who the hell do i talk to abt this shit#like i had a mini one today bc i was confused and angry and i got called a gaslighter and idk if it was a joke but holy fuck it hurt#what if i am and i dont know it and i am the most toxic person to ever exist and ill never change bc i dont realise it#for how problematic this blog is - i dont actually want to be a bad person lol#whatever though this is all dumb and stupid bc this whole friendship/romantic thing isnt even serious at all#or im trying not to take it serious so that its not as awful when shit ends again#im probably manifesting these problems into existence but whatever !! not gonna talk to these people for my entire life anyways so who cares#jamie.txt
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