#and then at 11 they confirmed my ride (as is protocol) and asked me if i still needed my ride to be in the van

[queridaz]

hmmmm, sure wish the ride they told me to ask for would show up

[alyasgf]

Truth Or Dare Confessions Adrinette April Day 11- Truth or Dare

Previous || Next || All

Summary-

Adrien and Marinette reveal a bit too much during a game of truth or dare

Notes-

Late day 11 but I’ll catch up eventually! Hope you like it :)

Word Count-

1734

AO3

Begin

“Alya I can’t do this!” Marinette whined as they walked to the brunette’s house.

“It’s just for a couple hours you’ll survive. It’s not everyday we get out whole block early and I want to talk advantage of it.” Alya replied with a smile.

M. Mendeleiev had caught a cold and had been told to go home, lest she get the children sick. No one could find a substitute on such short notice, so the kids were sent home early.

“But Adrien will be there! I won’t be able to speak coherently for hours.” Marinette grabbed Alya’s arm so that she’d stop and look into her eyes.

“Well Adrien is asking his dad right now, so who knows maybe he won’t go.” Alya said, trying to calm her friend down.

“But I obviously want him to go. Ugh this is so confusing!” Marinette dropped the girl’s arm and continued walking, now with her hands rubbing her temples. “Why can’t I just act normal around him instead of just turning to jelly?”

“You just have to try to see him as a normal person Marinette. Not as a famous model, not as your pretty boy crush, but as a totally normal guy who you just happen to be attracted to. Can you do that?” Alya chuckled as she said this.

“Maybe? I’ll try, but if it doesn’t work please stop me before I embarrass myself. Put your hand over my mouth if you have to. Once I start talking to him everything just spills out no matter how badly I’d like it to stop.” Marinette said sheepishly.

“Will do.” Just then Alya’s phone chimed. “Good news Marinette. Or bad news depending how you look at it.” Alya began while typing on her phone. “Nino just texted and it looks like your boy gets to hang out with us today!”

Marinette let out a squeak in reply.

—————————

“Get this! His old man said since his fencing teacher got a cold he could stay until 4. How awesome is that?” Nino told them as they walked in.

“Uh thats great! I- I mean we, can’t wait to spend 3 whole hours with you.” Marinette managed to get out.

‘Just a normal guy.’ Marinette repeated in her head on repeat as they set their bags down. Still she could feel her heart race as she looked at him.

“Me either, I never get to spend that long hanging out with friends outside of school.” Adrien had an adorable smile on his face and Marinette’s whole body heated up when she saw just how happy he looked.

“Well let’s make the most of it!” Alya said with a suspicious smile. “I propose a game for us all to get to know each other’s deepest secrets! Or at least do something stupid instead. Truth or dare!”

Marinette reddened, Adrien adopted a confused look, and Nino cheered.

“Not to be a downer but I’ve never actually played before.” Adrien said as he rested is arm on the counter, which bumped Marinette’s slightly and she jumped away as though she had been touched with a burning hot coal.

“Maybe we should play something else!” She proposed attempting to save herself from embarrassment. “You have plenty of board games that could be fun.”

“No Marinette I think this game is perfect. Any other game would take too long to explain and we’re running short on time. It’s ok that you haven’t played before Adrien, it’s pretty straightforward.” Alya’s smile grew.

They all migrated to Alya’s room and she directed them to sit in a circle on the floor. She somehow managed to make sure Adrien sat directly across from Marinette.

Marinette attempted to look anywhere that wasn’t in front of her, in fear of accidentally making eye contact. ‘Normal guy, normal guy, normal guy.’ She repeated.

“So how exactly does this game work?” Adrien asked curiously while turning to Nino.

“Well like Alya said it’s simple. We take turns going around in the circle. You can ask anyone to choose a truth or dare. After they decide you either ask them a question or give them a date.” Nino answered.

“What’s the protocol if someone doesn’t want to answer the question or do the dare?” Marinette asked, hoping she could still find a way out of this.

“Then you’re at the mercy of doing the opposite choice with no opting out.” Alya interjected quickly. “Now should we begin?”

If Marinette could chose, she’d say no. But unfortunately there was no backing out, not when Adrien was involved.

———————————

They went around once and found out some interesting things.

Alya confessed she couldn’t sleep without a light on, Nino dared Marinette to do a round off (she did so perfectly and looking at Adrien’s face he seem surprised), Adrien tried (and failed) to to whistle, and Nino had a secret obsession with the 1975.

Now it was Nino’s turn to ask a question.

“Adrien, truth or dare?”

“Truth.” He answered, since his last dare seemed to have embarrassed him.

Nino exchanged a quick look with Alya before replaying to Adrien.

“Who’s your crush?”

Marinette and Adrien both reddened instantly.

Marinette expected him to say Kagami, but his answer surprised her.

“Ladybug.” He said and turned even more red, if that was possible.

Marinette’s eyes bulged. Alya and Nino seemed surprised as well.

“Dude? I meant like attainable. Everyone has a crush on Ladybug.” Nino laughed.

“Everyone is a strong word.” Marinette said nervously.

“No I agree with Nino on this one.” Alya added in. “Nino already knows that if I had the chance I would absolutely kiss Ladybug.”

Marinette and Adrien looked just about the same and were all for moving on.

“Adrien! It’s your turn!” Marinette blurted out, hoping no one would see how flustered she was, and if they did, blamed it on Adrien’s presence.

Thankfully they didn’t notice.

Next Alya had to take a shot of hot sauce, courtesy of Adrien Agreste.

“Next ones a general one.” Alya said, earning shouts of protest. “I can do it because I proposed the game.”

Marinette’s mind was still reeling from the knowledge that Adrien had a crush on her superhero form so she was paying attention enough to protest.

“Who were you guy’s first kiss?” She asked.

This brought Marinette back into the present. She hoped no one noticed how red she still was.

“Can we chose a dare for this one?” She looked away from Alya’s prying eyes. As far as Alya knew she’d never had her first kiss.

“No, especially not you. Who was it and why didn’t you tell me?” Her journalist side came out almost instantly.

“Nino! Who was yours?” Marinette said turning to the boy.

“Alix in grade 3.”

Alya gasped. “I thought I was your first kiss!”

“I never said you were.” He said defensively while laughing.

“Well you were mine.” She grumbled.

Next, Nino turned to Adrien pointedly.

“Does it count if you can’t remember it?” He asked and everyone looked puzzled.

“Why wouldn’t you remember it?” Marinette surprised herself by asking.

“Well,” he began, his right arm rubbing the back of his neck. “It was during an akuma attack. I’m just told it happened.”

“Dude, who was it?” Nino pressed, everyone just as interested.

“Ladybug?” He said it almost like a question.

Marinette’s heart stopped. She would’ve remembered kissing him. There was no way she wouldn’t. She had only lost her memory from an akuma once, and she had spent that entire time with Chat. Surely he was lying. But Adrien wouldn’t do that. Her mind was spinning.

“No way!” Alya’s voice startled her. “Is that why you have a crush on her?”

Adrien just shrugged, still insanely red.

Marinette still sat quiet and thinking as Nino and Alya tried to get more out of him, but he gave nothing away.

“Marinette, you’ve been strangely quiet. Don’t think I forgot.” Alya turned to her with a determined look in her eye.

Marinette decided what to do just then. The only person she ever kissed was Chat. Adrien claimed he kissed Ladybug. Adrien doesn’t lie.

His reaction would say everything.

“If I answer no one is allowed to ask any questions.” She waited for everyone to nod. “My first kiss was with Chat Nior.”

Adrien burst into a coughing fit. Marinette smirked.

“Adrien, is everything ok?” She asked, suspicions confirmed.

He said nothing, instead putting a finger up so he could catch his breathe.

Meanwhile Alya and Nino had exploded beside her.

“No fair! You guys get to kiss superhero’s?” Nino pouted.

“Could I please get some context? From either of you?” Alya asked desperately.

“Nope.” Marinette replied popping her p. “Everyone agreed and that’s all I’m saying.”

Adrien didn’t meet her eye for the rest of the time, although Marinette used her newfound confidence to make cat puns for the rest of the time. Needless to say he was bright red. It was nice for him to be the stuttering mess for a change.

When it was time to go, Adrien received a call that his ride was outside.

“Marinette, Nino’s going to stay a bit longer. Would you mind walking Adrien out?” Alya asked and was surprised when Marinette agreed immediately and with no stuttering.

“I’d love to Alya. C’mon Adrien.” Marinette turned to him with a smirk.

Adrien stuttered out a quick goodbye and Marinette took his hand to pull him out, making a point to not let go.

“So Marinette,” Adrien began and Marinette already knew where it was going. “I know you said not to ask, but when did you kiss Chat Noir?” Adrien looked away, trying not to look to interested.

“It was on Valentines Day actually. He’s not too bad of a kisser either.” Adrien turned bright red. “In fact I even got to kiss him again during the Oblivio akuma attack, but I don’t remember that one. Much like your Ladybug kiss huh?”

Adrien’s eyes bulged out. “Sorry what?”

Just then they reached the end of the sidewalk.

“It was nice hanging out with you Adrien! Cat-ch you later.” She gave him a kiss on the cheek and walked off. She snuck a glance behind her and saw him standing there dumbfounded.

When she got home, she transformed to see she had over 50 messages from Chat Noir himself.

Maybe Adrien wasn’t just a normal pretty boy after all.

@adrinetteapril

[forsakenoathkeeper]

I Am Alive (chapter 19/?)

Chapter 19: The Missing Android

Deviant!Connor[RK800] x (fem!)Reader Rated M(18+) for canon-typical violence and gore, medical procedures, and graphic sexual content

Chapters: 1 • 2 • 3 • 4 • 5 • 6 • 7 • 8 • 9 • 10 • 11 • 12 • 13 • 14 • 15 • 16 • 17 • 18 • 19 • more coming soon

You can also read on AO3 & thank you for supporting me ♥

The Detroit Police Department had yet to make any substantial progress on the murder that occurred at AlphaBio a few weeks back, before another murder case hit their desks.

Connor stepped past the holographic caution tape into the building where their crime scene was located, immediately noticing the smell of blood was heavy in the air. In response, he turned his scent receptors down from standard to low. A body was sprawled out on the floor, cheek pressed into the pool of blood puddled beneath them.

"Nolin Greene," Officer Wilson stated when he saw Connor walk in. "M.E. estimated dead less than six hours."

Connor nodded at him before scanning Greene's body with his optical unit. He was 52 years old, had never been married, and was previously employed at Cyberlife as one of their esteemed programmers.

Even without scanning the man's corpse, it was obvious he had died from multiple gunshot wounds. One prominent bullet hole left a gaping wound in the back of his head, likely just to ensure he was dead, considering he had a few on his torso in addition.

Hank rounded the corner with a sigh. "All the security cameras were offline. Haven't been since pre-rev," he explained, approaching Connor.

He waited until Officer Wilson stepped away to lean into Connor with his arms crossed. "What did they make here?" Hank asked quietly.

"They used to generate code for androids operating systems and protocols," Connor explained smoothly, matching Hank's hushed tone. "All android manufacturing has been put to a halt. He had no reason to be here."

"Good point," Hank said lowly. "Would they have kept anything here?"

"Considering the audits Cyberlife financers are going through, I would imagine this place was-... scrubbed clean, so to speak," Connor replied, briefly glancing around the office space. Judging by the dust pileup and the damage to one of the windows, this place had likely sat abandoned for months.

"You think it's related to AlphaBio?" Hank asked the android. "Chips were stolen from that plant. This facility creates code. That's a dangerous combination," he observed.

Connor gave Hank an agreeing look before eyeing the room again. Officers had brought in crime scene lights to cast out the darkness, and a flashlight was on the floor, labeled as evidence. It was next to Greene's body and had his fingerprints on it, powered off likely due to dead batteries. It didn't require any detective skills to see the power was cut off completely to the building.

"Greene was likely here to meet someone," Connor observed. "Who made the 911 call?"

Officer Wilson walked back in, careful not to step in any of the evidence. "An android apparently," he answered. "The call is saved in the case file."

"I'll pull it up now," Connor stated, using his HUD to pull up the case files remotely. "Would you like to listen, Hank?" he offered, eyes staring blindly ahead as his focus was elsewhere.

"Go for it," Hank said gruffly.

Connor's lips didn't move, but the sounds came from his mouth. Hank had seen him use his vocal processor like a speaker before; but, he never quite got used to it, and still found it very bizarre to see Connor look dead in the face while making noises that weren't his voice.

"911. What's your emergency?" the dispatcher asked.

Officer Wilson, who had never seen Connor do that before, stopped dead in his tracks and stared at the android in shock.

"My friend has been shot. I'm at-" a feminine voice followed. Seeing as she was an android, making the call with her internal processor, no outside noises could be heard, and there was no way to identify what made her suddenly stop talking.

The recorded 911 call continued in silence for a few more seconds before the android disconnected, giving dispatchers just enough time to locate the GPS coordinates from the call.

Connor stopped the recording and turned to Hank, his expressionless face returning to normal. He ignored Officer Wilson's concerned look.

"The android didn't block her GPS coordinates; so, she definitely wanted to be found," he explained to the lieutenant.

"She could have been the killer? Guy used to work at Cyberlife," Hank suggested thoughtfully. "Pissed off android?"

"Possibility," Connor acknowledged, nodding at the older detective. "However, she did identify him as her friend..."

The android trailed off, using his HUD to run a background check on Nolin Greene. "He belongs to no clubs, publicly, anyway, and has been unemployed since Cyberlife closed down. His former boss still has a primary residence in Detroit."

"Think he's worth a visit?" Hank offered more so than asked. "Let's go."

"I can drive," Connor offered, following the older detective as he headed for the exit.

"Fuck no," Hank immediately declared.

"Are you sure you can afford another speeding ticket?" the android challenged, some tease in his tone.

"I'm not gonna get another speeding ticket," Hank retorted fiercely, climbing into the driver's seat. He eyed Connor as the android shimmied into the passenger seat.

"Keep it up and your ass is walking," he threatened in a tone that Connor had grown rather accustomed to. It sounded sincere, but the android could tell the difference.

"Whatever you say, detective," Connor uttered, knowing full well his relaxed tone and stoic expression would irritate the older detective further.

Hank only grumbled in response.

...

...

...

Arthur Torres lived in a nice house in the posh, suburban side of town. He didn't seem at all surprised to find detectives at his door; however, he couldn't seem to bring himself to stop staring at Connor with blatant distrust and fear.

"You were a head programmer at Cyberlife for years," Hank stated, reciting information Connor had filled him in during their ride over. They had decided to let Hank lead with the likelihood that the man would be untrusting of Connor.

That seemed to be a very accurate assumption.

"Yes," Torres acknowledged Hank's statement.

"One of your former subordinates, Colin Greene, was murdered last night."

Torres was a skittish looking individual, and completely failed to maintain composure at the news. His hands were digging into his lap and he was struggling to keep still, fidgeting in his seat. Both the detectives doubted it was concern over Greene's livelihood, or lack of.

"Was it an android?" he asked, confirming their suspicions of his intentions.

Hank decided to ignore that question. "Greene's body was found at one of Cyberlife's office spaces, where programmers worked on their operating systems," the older detective explained. "We were hoping you could tell us why he would be there."

Connor decided to wear a cold look while he stood there, next to the couch where Hank had parked himself. The android was standing with perfect posture, arms crossed elegantly behind his back. It was clear that Torres was afraid of him. If he was being honest, he was taking advantage of that.

"Must have been the office where we worked," Torres offered quietly, trying to avoid Connor's piercing gaze. "I can't imagine why. The place was cleared out months ago. Did you ask Maria?"

Hank's brow lowered slightly. "Who?"

"Maria. She was a KL900 placed at our office. Nolin had reconfigured her so that she could test our codes. After the-" Torres' eyes flickered to Connor with uncertainty. "-revolution, he took her in - let her live with him."

Before Hank could utter another word, Torres continued, suddenly eager to run his mouth. "She had a lot of our incomplete code saved. I warned him it was dangerous to keep her."

The older detective looked down at his cellphone, that had vibrated quietly while Torres yapped. It was a text from Connor, reading, "the voice on the 911 call matches that model."

Hank tucked his phone back into his coat pocket. "What was their relationship like?"

"Well-" Torres began. "I suppose-... She was unique. He had modded her greatly - well beyond her manufactured purpose. I think he saw her as his own creation, in a way."

Again, before Hank could inquire further, Torres started up again. "She's missing, isn't she?"

Connor spoke up this time. "Are you suggesting she is somehow responsible?" His tone was calm, collected, almost polite, even; however, that was likely even more frightening than if he spoke with anger.

"I-" Torres stammered, eyes briefly flickering up to meet Connor's before immediately shifting back to the older detective. It was bizarre to think that this spineless man was once a lead programmer for Cyberlife.

"You can't think of any reason Greene would turn up dead in your old office?" Hank asked, maintaining the good cop persona he had taken up during this discussion.

"I can't think of why he would be there at all," Torres insisted.

"I would advise you offer something substantial," Connor warned, his tone cold and unyielding. "As of right now, you are our number one suspect."

"W-what?" Torres stammered, his panicked eyes falling on the android. "I haven't spoken to him since we were shut down. What motive could I possibly have?"

Connor's brown eyes remained unreadable, cold and robotic. That seemed to make Torres more uncomfortable than expressing valid emotion. "You said it yourself: he had access to incomplete code. Perhaps he knew something you didn't want getting out. So, you shut him up."

Torres' eyes landed on Hank, his gaze silently pleading, as if he expected Hank to stop Connor. Instead, the older detective wore a faint smirk. "He's got a point."

"No! I would never!" Torres defended himself loudly. "Y-you need to leave. I'm calling my lawyer."

...

...

...

"God, I love when those rich assholes lawyer up," Hank groaned as he climbed into his car. "It's like crying to mommy and daddy."

Connor slid into the passenger seat, a sour look on his face. "I pushed too hard. We probably could have gotten more out of him," he said apologetically.

"Nah," Hank retorted gruffly, silencing Connor's regrets. "We got the only useful thing out of him."

Hank pulled out of the street with a little more force than was necessary, mainly because he wanted to cause a fuss in the posh neighborhood. He could see the neighbors poking their heads out, rich and bored with nothing better to do than gossip. Hank's vintage car screamed detective or organized crime, and no in between.

"Let's check Greene's place. Maybe you can find something to help you locate this android," Hank suggested.

Greene's neighborhood wasn't as posh as Torres'; but, it was still nice, a little noisier with families out and about enjoying the weather. The warrant request had already been received and an electronic key had been sent over to Connor. He used the interface on his hand to let them inside.

The detectives walked around carefully, taking turns examining rooms for clues. The place was nicely furnished and impeccably clean. An android definitely lived here. If there was anything Connor could stereotype androids for, it was cleanliness.

There were a few photos hung up on the wall in the living room. The KL900 in the photos was likely Maria. She was an ordinary looking KL900, everything factory issued. Most of the photos were likely her at the Cyberlife programming facility.

There was one photo of just her and Nolin Greene together. She was wearing civilian clothes and her LED was removed. Their smiles suggested the relationship was a good one.

One of the bedrooms could easily be identified as Maria's room. There was no bed, but a desk with a charging station and a computer with an android interfacing tool in place of a mouse and keyboard. A quick scan of the room showed almost no fingerprints, except for a few on the door handle and door frame, which Connor immediately scanned as Nolin Greene's.

Hank was looking over a study that was likely Nolin's. The dark, stained wood desk was enough of a giveaway without all the golf memorabilia decorating the wall behind it. There was a laptop plugged into the charger. He figured CSI would pick it up later.

"Still waiting on that warrant for phone records!?" Hank called out.

Connor called back, "affirmative!"

"Damn," he grumbled to himself. "What's the holdup?"

The two detectives rendezvoused in the kitchen, exchanging disgruntled looks.

"No signs of a struggle," Hank observed.

"It wasn't a robbery. There aren't any fingerprints in the house not belonging to Greene," Connor explained. "The perpetrator left Greene's wallet and keys on his body... It's almost as if Greene was just... in the way."

The android looked away for a moment, staring off blindly as he searched Greene's employee folder again from Cyberlife's records. There was nothing in there about Maria, unsurprisingly. There were thousands of KL900's in circulation; so, there was no point in searching registered android records.

"Ya' thinking Greene wasn't the target?" Hank suggested.

"Assuming Torres wasn't giving us the runaround," Connor added on, setting a pondering gaze on the lieutenant, "Maria could have been the target; but... who would know that an ordinary looking KL900 has Cyberlife codes?"

"Someone who used to work for Cyberlife," Hank answered.

"It leads us back to Torres," Connor said sourly.

"He wasn't the only one that got bit in the ass," the older detective corrected him. "Lot's'a people out'a work. Lot's'a people facing lawsuits... and lot's'a people losing money. Oldest reason in the book."

"We need those phone records," Connor stated fiercely.

"I'm gonna call CSI. Get them on these damn computers," Hank stated, pulling out his cell phone.

"I could-"

"No."

...

...

...

After a long day of field work, Hank, Officer Wilson, Officer Miller, and Detective Collins gathered around a food truck a few blocks from the police station. It was already dark out and the street lights were illuminating the cityscape.

Connor decided to join them.

"You wouldn't fucking believe-" Officer Miller explained, an excited look in his eyes. "I thought this son of a bitch was gonna clock me. Connor came jumping over the roadblock and slam-dunked that motherfucker to the ground like this was WWE."

Detective Collins nearly chocked on his drink, doubling over with laughter. Hank was grinning, having witnessed that, and plenty of other amazing feats from the android, firsthand.

Officer Wilson nudged the android's shoulder. "Damn. Where the fuck were you when that crackhead tried to hit me with a baseball bat?" he teased, shoulders trembling with laughter and a wild, bright smile on his face.

Connor looked bashful, a crooked smile forming on his face.

"That's how you fucked up your hand," Hank added on.

"Small price to pay," Connor replied sincerely.

"Wait - was that how you met your lady friend? That nurse?" Officer Wilson asked, eyeing Connor suspiciously. He shifted his eyes to Miller with a grin. "Maybe I should save your dumbass next time and land me a hot nurse."

"You just need to get hurt," Miller replied with a grin, popping his knuckles dramatically. "I can help."

"I'd like to see you try," Wilson retorted. "You get knocked out by little old grandmas."

"That was Lewis," Detective Collins corrected. "But, it was pretty fucking funny."

"She put up quite a fight," Hank jumped in. "Earned that 'resisting arrest' with honors."

The conversation continued for a while, the men talking in-between eating their meals. Connor was mostly quiet, observing, occasionally jumping in when the moment seemed right. He worked with these guys almost every day and had grown to know them well; still, he found himself struggling to adjust to this - to fitting in.

When it was nearing eight o'clock, the android decided to dismiss himself.

"I'm gonna call it a night," he proclaimed, removing his elbows from the table. He had taken to using more common phrases around his coworkers, and this in particular was one of his favorites.

"Already? You don't sleep," Miller protested casually.

"He needs to get home so he can rearrange his girlfriend's guts," Wilson teased.

Miller and Collins broke out in laughter and Hank rolled his eyes, despite his faint smirk.

Connor stood there staring at them blankly, sincerely confused for a moment. Surely, that sort of thing would kill you. At the very least, it would cause severe damage that would require a surgeon. Why would he want to do such a thing?

A quick internet search, however, showed him that it was slang for rough sex.

He couldn't quite tell, but Connor was certain a faint blush had appeared on his cheeks. He spent 1.61 seconds internally debating if he should deny it or tease back.

At one point in the past, he might have taken this behavior as negative; however, he had grown to recognize banter as common between humans. The impersonality of it was how bonds were formed. Besides, he could easily recognize their teasing was unharmful. If anything, they were treating him like just another human, and that was more preferable.

"Maybe," he said lowly, the corner of his lip curling up slightly.

Connor's eyes reflected a mischievous glance at them briefly before he retreated. As he walked away, he heard the officers hollering obnoxiously at him, an echoing "ooohhh" as if he had declared something profound.

Before he was out of earshot, he could hear Hank grumpily, albeit fondly, telling them to "shut the fuck up".

[thecleverdame]

The Oath - 4

Parings: Dark!Alpha!Sam x Omega!Reader

Masterlist

Due to content, this story will have a separate tags list. Please sign up here

Summary: After an unsuccessful escape attempt, the reader finds herself taken as a spoil of war. She ends up in the bed of a ruthless Alpha, the son of John Winchester, leader of the kingdom of Gilead. She struggles to conceal her true identity and navigate a society where being an Omega means nothing more than serving at the pleasure of powerful men.

Warnings: non-con, sexual assault, rape, attempted suicide, sexual slavery, branding, torture, ownership, voyeurism, anal play, smut, violence, and murder.

Sam is dark in this story. If any of the warnings are triggers for you, I would suggest skipping this one. Please read and heed all the warnings.

Beta: ilikaicalie

Chapters 1-11 are currently available on Patreon.  To get access to this and many other stories, subscribe for a pledge of 2.50 per month. CLICK HERE

-

FOUR

The Next Morning

A hand shakes you awake and you forget for a moment where you are. Sam’s sitting on the edge of the bed, dressed and pulling on his boots. 

“Get up,” he stands, looking down at you. “You should eat.”

Wrapped in nothing but Sam’s cloak, you sit at the table, attempting to peel an egg one-handed as both the men wolf down plates of eggs, meat and bread. They eat in silence, paying you no attention until Dean finishes and sits back in his chair. Sam has sent a servant to find you a dress, but until then you’re careful not to let the cloak fall open. 

There are men swirling around them, packing up each item with care. They must be getting ready to move the camp. 

“How far do you think we can make it before the storm comes?”

“If we’re lucky we may get to the base of the mountains. But I doubt we’ll make it that far.” Sam forks a hunk of meat, popping it into his mouth. “You hear the wind? By nightfall the snow will start.”

“Well, it’s better than nothing. We’re closer to home every day. How far out do you think we are.”

“A month before we join up with dad’s regiment. Three until we’re in our own beds again.” 

“I can barely remember what it feels like to get a good night’s sleep. To not smell like blood and dirt. I’m ready to be done.” Dean sounds energized at the idea of heading home but Sam’s indifferent. 

“I don’t mind being out here in the trenches.”

“That’s because you enjoy it...I like to strategize but you love to get your hands dirty.” 

Sam’s half listening, watching you out of the corner of his eye as you fumble with a boiled egg. You’re useless with one hand, you wouldn’t have lasted long thrown in with the soldiers. 

“You set her arm?” Dean’s talking to his brother, but staring at you with unnerving intensity. 

“Of course,” Sam confirms, ripping off a bite of bread with his teeth. “She took it better than expected.” 

Sam sighs at your half-peeled egg. He takes it from you and peels the rest before handing it back.

“Are you left-handed?” Dean grins, looking from you to his brother. 

“Yes,” you respond quietly. “I’m no use with my right.”

“Well, let's hope you heal quickly. We can’t follow you around all day,” Dean chuckles, taking a drink. 

“I’m going to address her condition with the men first thing this morning. They brought us an Omega with a broken arm. Can you imagine what else they’re up to that we don’t know about? I’m going to make an example out of them. We can’t have this kind of insubordination going on right under our noses.” 

“It’s best coming from you. They’re already scared of you.” Dean nods, both arms on the table.

The younger Winchester’s reputation is known throughout the lands. He’s a ruthless killer with little to no regard for anyone or anything. All the Winchesters are brutal but he’s gone darker. 

Sam shakes his head, ripping off an appropriately sized chunk of bread and setting it in front of you. 

“Thank you,” you whisper, taking a bite. 

“They nearly ruined her.” Dean taps his fingers on the table. “And they’ve been hoarding gold and silver. When I find out who’s responsible there’s going to be hell to pay.” 

All attention shifts to you. You stop chewing and look from Alpha to Alpha. 

“You said they touched you. Where? How?” Sam asks, resting his forearms on the table. 

Both men stare at you expectantly as your fingers curl around the bread, cheeks flushed red in embarrassment.  

“My breasts,” you whisper, wishing you were somewhere far, far away from this camp and these awful men. “One of them put his fingers...inside me.”

“Jesus Christ.” Sam grimaces, utterly disgusted at the idea. “They’re dogs.” 

“Yes, they are.” His brother agrees as they both turn their attention back to the food in front of them. 

-

Dean stands at the head of the tent, looking at the line of men standing at attention. Sam’s pacing up and down the row with you frozen in place next to Dean. If they didn’t know why they were summoned, they figured it out as soon as the Winchesters brought this new Omega back to the scene of the crime. 

“Do you remember who touched you?” Sam asks. 

You look up in horror as every man looks at you with murder in their eyes. 

“No, I’m sorry.” You lean forward in hopes of only Sam hearing the confession. “I was delirious, in pain and riddled with exhaustion. I can’t remember the faces.”

Sam and Dean have been displeased with the men for months now. The soldiers are compensated well and allowed free reign save for a few exceptions. There are so few rules and they can’t seem to manage to follow them. They’re expected to hand over precious metals and stone, and of course, keeping an Omega is strictly off-limits. 

Last month someone slipped a note to Dean. It was a tip about men stealing away gemstones. It turned out to be an entire operation, almost a dozen men involved in the scheme. Ever since, tensions have been rising. 

“Which one of you found her in the woods and brought her to the camp?” Sams walks up and down the line. 

“I did.” A man steps forward. 

“And you saw fit to throw her from your horse?”

“I didn’t realize she was so delicate,” he chuckles and behind him other men laugh. 

“Who touched her? One of you had your hand between her legs, tell me now.” Sam’s question is met with wide eyes. All of them are silent. They all know what happened was a serious transgression. 

“Either the man who stuck his fingers in her cunt identifies himself or every man here will suffer his punishment.” Sam looks down the line of soldiers as Dean crosses his arms over his chest. 

After a moment a man steps forward, looking nervous as he raises his hand. 

“It was me, my lord.”

“Your honesty will not go unnoticed.” Sam nods, his mouth pressed in a grimace. “And her breasts. Which of you touched her breasts?”

You want to crawl away. This sort of public shaming is nearly too much to bear. 

Two more soldiers came forward, remaining silent as Sam stares at each of them in turn. 

“You, who threw her from the horse. For breaking her arm, you’ll have yours broken as well.”

“Please,” the man breathes, as two larger soldiers take him by the arms. 

Sam ignores him, moving forward to the next two.

“For touching her breasts, each of you will forfeit a finger. Thumbs, I think.” Sam walks down the line, coming to stand in front of the man who touched your sex. “And you, a beta who dared to put his hands inside an Omega, we have a fitting punishment. Your right hand seems like a fair trade.”

“Please don’t do this!” The man pleads. “We didn’t know what she was. Would have brought her straight to you if we even thought she was-”

“Enough.” Sam hisses. “There are rules in place for a reason. You find an Alpha officer and you have him scent her. No exceptions. Let’s hope this is an example for all of you.” 

-

You’re loaded into the back of a horse-drawn cart, nested in fur and wrapped in a cloak. Several servants bring more blankets to lay over you until you’re sufficiently protected from the elements. The snow has started to fall and they’re moving the entire garrison. Headed home after months in the field. 

“Thank you.” You offer a smile to the shivering man, as he lays yet another blanket at your feet. 

The moment you speak he looks at you in horror and scurries away as another woman is helped into the cart. She’s older but unmistakably Omega, her scent is slightly soured, a sure sign of abuse. She settles in on the opposite side, a servant tucking her in. The cook who washed you the night before approaches, handing each of you a cup of hot pine tea.

“Thank you,” you try again, only to have the woman grunt and turn her back. 

“They’re not allowed to speak to you.” The other Omega shifts, cupping her tea in one hand and pulling her hood down to shield her face from the snow. “In Gilead servants aren’t allowed to speak directly to Omegas.” 

“Why not?” you ask. The cart begins to move and you grab your arm, wincing as the pain surges. 

“They’re Betas, and slaves at that. According to the law of the Gilead, they’re not good enough to lick the bottoms of your feet.” The woman stares at you, then your arm. “Who did that to you?”

It’s such a strange mix of sexual slavery and social status. You’ve been reduced to nothing more than your pussy and yet you’re considered elevated. 

“I fell from a horse.” You don't want to get into the details, it makes you sick to think about what happened. And now the men who will be disfigured because they didn’t follow protocol. Being an Omega has saved your life and will now seal your fate. 

-

“Do you have your flask?” Sam asks, guiding his horse beside Dean’s. His brother reaches into his cloak and fishes out the metal canteen. 

“You’re not one to drink in the morning.” 

“It’s not for me.” Sam takes the flask from him. 

“For the Omega?”

“She's in pain. And she’s only going to get colder. The snow is just starting, the storm will be bad.”

They ride in silence a moment longer before Dean pipes up. 

“You fucked her?” Dean poses it as a question but he’s not looking for confirmation. He already knows. 

“What of it?” Sam shrugs. 

“You’re not normally interested in much more than getting your dick sucked.” Dean looks ahead at the line of soldiers stretching as far as the eye can see. “Are you developing a soft spot?”

“Have you smelled her?” Sam asks deadpan, his grip tightening on the reigns. He can scarcely think about you without his dick getting hard.

“I did.” Dean’s not sure what his brother is getting at. You smelled appealing but nothing to elicit this kind of reaction. “Her scent wasn’t out of the ordinary but she’s quite the beauty when she’s not covered in mud and snot. I don’t think I’ve ever seen an Omega like that, that pleasing to the eye as dad would say.”

“She doesn’t know how pretty she is.” Sam’s horse whinnies, hot air puffing out in the frigid air. He’s quiet for a moment and turns toward his brother. “She doesn't smell different to you?”

“You’re stuck on that?” Dean’s eyes narrow, trying to suss out exactly what Sam is getting at. “Well, you know what they say. Some Omegas are better matches.”

“Perhaps.” 

“Or it’s entirely possible that the notorious Sam Winchester has found a pretty face he can’t ignore.”

“I’ve little interest in women.” Sam shifts in his saddle, ready to end this conversation. 

“She’s not a woman. She’s an Omega and a rare one at that. But if you’re so indifferent, why don’t you let me have her tonight. I did see her first after all. Fair is fair.”

Dean gets the reaction he’s looking for, a locked jaw from his brother. 

“No, you’ll ruin her. You can have her when I’m done with her.”

“Right,” Dean chuckles and Sam reaches over, slugging him in the arm. “I won’t hold my breath.”

[softbiker]

Born to Run - Chapter 11

Warnings: cursing, being arrested

Word count: 2k

A/N: A week late (plus like an hour or so) and I finally have an update for y’all. So sorry about the delays lately! Work has been....a lot. So has life. Anyways, let me know what you think! 

“Ma’am? Excuse me, ma’am?” He waved his hand in front of her face. “I need you to stay with me here, okay?”

Y/N’s eyes drifted back towards the officer. His dark eyebrows were drawn together in concern. Her fingers gripped the edges of the blanket that had been placed around her shoulders, and she gave him a little nod.

“So, tell me again, what was your connection to this man?”

“He was a patient, I have no connection with him.”

“No personal affiliation at all?”

“No. He was just a patient.”

“What about the other man, Barnes?”

“What about him?”

“What is the nature of your relationship with him?”

“We’re...friends, I guess.” She thought about his kiss, the intensity of his lips on hers, the tightness of his arms around her.

“Just friends?” The officer raised a doubtful brow.

“Yes.”

“You’ve been seen around town with him quite a bit,” he went on, rocking back on his heels as he considered her. “On a daily basis, in fact. Rides to and from work on his motorcycle, driving to the store, to restaurants.”

“So?”

“So, he’s not your personal driver. Or an Uber.” The officer slid his hands into his pockets. “And you own a perfectly drivable car. So, there’s no reason for a man who you claim is just a friend to be driving you everywhere, unless the two of you are in some kind of...special relationship.”

Her eyebrows lowered and she pulled a deep breath in through her nose. It had been over an hour of this, sitting in the parking lot of her clinic and watching them drag Bucky away, the sun slipping behind the horizon as they covered Rumlow’s body and peppered her with questions. An EMT had checked her over and confirmed that she had no serious injuries, and then the cops had swooped in. Her mouth went dry as she repeated her story backwards and forwards, rehashing little details and racking her brain for things she might have missed. The back of her throat ached. Her ass had gone numb from leaning against the cold metal of the squad car. She really wanted to lie down. And to see Bucky. If she had to hear one more false accusation against herself or Bucky, her head might explode.

“Look. I haven’t committed a crime. And as I’ve told you, neither did Mr. Barnes - he acted in self-defense -” The man opened his mouth but she held up a finger to cut him off. “So unless you plan to arrest me as well, I suggest you either take me home or let me speak to a lawyer. I know my rights.”

He rolled his eyes but took a step back, waving over one of his colleagues. The other officer - younger, greener, with dark curls creeping up in his regulation haircut - hustled towards them, licking his lip and cutting his eyes between Y/N and her interviewer.

“Yeah, Sergeant?”

“C’mere, Valdez,” the sergeant beckoned with his fingers. His eyes cut sideways at Y/N, gesturing at her with a flick of his head. “The doctor here is done answering questions without an attorney. Please escort her to her residence.”

Valdez nodded eagerly, taking a step forward. As he turned his face towards her, Y/N noticed the softness of his cheeks, a remnant of baby fat, cut by a small dimple in one cheek as he smiled at her. His Adam’s apple bobbed and he cleared his throat.

“If you’ll come with me, ma’am?” he gestured towards a different squad car, one sitting a few yards away with an easy route out of the parking lot. Between them and the car, a few more police going back over the scene, taking pictures and marking locations. She saw a dark stain on the ground and realized that Rumlow’s body had finally been moved.

With a sigh, she stood up, not sparing a glance at the sergeant, who stood by with his arms crossed. Valdez fell in beside her, matching strides as they crossed the lot, kicking rocks in front of their feet as they walked. He was thankfully silent, and kind; he skipped a half-step ahead of her to open the passenger side door, offering a polite smile as she climbed inside.

“So, where to?” he asked when he shuffled inside, buckling his seatbelt.

“Hm?” She hadn’t been paying attention.

“Where should I take you?”

...oh.

Good question. With her own home vandalized, she had more and more thought of the Avengers clubhouse as...well, a kind of home at least. She did want to go there, have a coffee or whiskey (or both) with Natasha, and settle down in her guest bed and be left alone. But...could she bring a cop to the clubhouse? Would that be alright? The location wasn’t a secret, but the Avengers had quite the reputation - enough to have Bucky arrested on sight. She bit her lip, curling and uncurling her fists in her lap, her gaze turned out the window.

“Where did they take Bucky?”

“Mr. Barnes?” She could hear the frown in his voice without looking. “I’m - I don’t think-”

“Listen,” she turned her gaze on him. “I want to see him. I’ll take care of myself from there. Just take me wherever they took him.”

“Well, I guess…”

“What’s your name?”

He cleared his throat again. “Aiden.”

“Okay. Aiden, he’s...he’s very important to me. He’s…” all I want “...the only real friend I have here. So I know it might not be protocol or whatever but, I need you to take me there. Take me to see him.”

He blew a harsh breath past his lips, shook his head. Put the car in gear.

“Okay, then. If you’re sure.”

**********

It wasn’t Bucky’s first time in cuffs.

That had been at age 15 - when he was running with a rougher crowd and thought he was hard, tough, a badass. And yeah, it felt real badass, the way his gut swooped with fear and his legs clenched up in the backseat of that cop car, picked up for vandalism or petty theft - couldn’t quite remember. Sure felt like a man when his voice squeaked over the phone to his mother, informing her where he was and why, hearing her heart break over the line. Yes, sir. He was a real hard man.

Still, the cuffs never got more comfortable. And neither did the questioning rooms; he arched and curled his back alternately, trying to work out the ache from the press of the metal chair against his spine. It didn’t help, but he managed to crack his neck. His eyelids felt heavy, and he slumped back in the chair again.

The officers had questioned him for quite a while when they got here, though the interview was unproductive on their side. Bucky refused to speak. He gave nothing away, not of himself or the Avengers, gave no comment on the death of Brock Rumlow. No matter the question, his answer was a sullen stare in the cops’ direction. Every so often, he would repeat his only requests: a bathroom, a phone call, and a lawyer. All denied.

He twisted his wrists again where they were cuffed to the table, red and chafing from the metal. Really could take a piss right about now, but they weren’t gonna let him anytime soon. He thought of Steve, watching him sprint out of the clubhouse and drive away; of Y/N, wild-eyed and screaming, as Rumlow smashed his head against the concrete. Steve would take care of her, he told himself. They all would.

Two minutes passed while he counted the seconds and tapped his fingers against the metal table. His throat felt dry and he tried to work his tongue and swallow his own saliva, but he was too parched. He leveled a glare at the mirror and the door - no reason for the officers to leave him in here this long. But his reputation had preceded him here. These cops knew him - or thought  they knew him. He hadn’t been arrested since moving out to this little town, but apparently that didn’t matter.

He was just starting to think he’d have to pee his pants out of spite when the door banged open, slamming against the side wall.

“Well, Barnes you just couldn’t keep it in your pants, could ya?” Tony Stark strolled in, whipping his sunglasses off his face and slipping them into the front of his shirt.

“Tony,” Bucky sighed, shoulders falling. “Can you tell ‘em to get me out of these things? I’ve really gotta pee-”

“Oh, you need a potty break? That’s great. That’s good!” Stark rolled his eyes. “At least I know those Hydra skulls didn’t castrate you.”

“Stark, please? Bathroom now, yell later.”

When he returned and was re-cuffed, Stark slid into the chair across from him with a huff.

“So. You wanna tell me how this didn’t blow your cover and ruin the op?”

“Sure. I’m sitting in jail aren’t I?”

“We’re getting you released, obviously,” Tony pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Could’ve fooled me.”

“Yeah, well, forgive me for making you sweat for a minute so you can understand that this is serious.” Tony’s jaw clenched under the salt and pepper goatee. “How do we reposition you to finish the job when you killed your target, exposed yourself to the police, and you’ve gotten involved in a personal relationship? Please, please, enlighten me.”

Bucky blew a breath past his lips.

“I know it looks pretty fucked right now, but listen.” He held up a finger. “The skulls just saw me shoot Rumlow and get arrested - and since he attacked first and threatened Y/N, it was in self-defense. Releasing me won’t reveal anything. They still don’t know-”

“That you’re an FBI agent?” Tony’s eyebrows went up, his arms crossed, wrinkling the shoulders of his suit. “Which I will have to explain to your buddies here in lockup, considering they’re convinced you’re a real criminal and they should hold you in despite the circumstances of Rumlow’s death.”

“I guess that’s what they pay you for, huh?” Bucky challenged, tilting his head as he considered the other man.

Tony’s eyes narrowed.

“Watch it, Barnes,” he warned. “I was never in favor of bringing you and Rogers into this.”

“Except you made no progress on your case for years,” Bucky shrugged.

“Don’t make me call Fury on this,” Tony threatened. A dark vein on his forehead pulsed under the harsh fluorescent lights. “I will pull your ass out of here. Tread lightly.”

The two men stared each other down across the two feet of table, daring the other to make the first move. Bucky noted the greying hairs at Tony’s temples, the lines in the skin around his mouth. There were circles under his eyes, but that was nothing new. His jaw moved back and forth as he ground his teeth quietly. Bucky lifted his hands in surrender - as far as the cuffs would allow.

“I’ll keep it under control,” he placated.  “I can stay in the field. Finish this.”

“You’d better.” Tony pulled his phone from his pocket, thumb swiping at the notifications on his home screen. “Or it’s your head.”

The room was silent, save for the sound of Tony’s fingers tapping on the keyboard, his email swishing into the internet. Bucky licked his dry lips with an equally dry tongue.

“Oh, goody!” Tony suddenly popped up from his chair, exasperation in every line of his face. “Your girlfriend is here.”

Despite his dehydration, Bucky’s palms started to sweat.

**********

“They’ve really cost me this time. Fucking Avengers.”

“I know, Boss.”

“Shut up.” The voice on one side of the phone was gravelly, harsh, like ground glass. “I’ve got to think about this…”

Grant Ward pursed his lips, scratched the stubble on his chin. The voice on the phone sighed.

“God...I need someone to take over Rumlow’s position as a liaison with our drug contacts.”

“I can do it-”

“Didn’t I just tell you to fucking shut up?” Another harsh sigh. “Jesus - Rumlow had maybe half a brain, you’re working with much less than that.”

Ward kept his mouth shut that time. The seconds dragged by as he picked at his fingernails.

“Okay. Listen, Ward,” the voice spoke up again. “And listen good - you’re gonna help me send a message to the Avengers, and their new medic.”

[kk095]

Hey everyone, here's my latest story. It may have a typo here or there. Feel free to leave feedback. Enjoy!

Hit & Run

Kim was a 24 year old Asian woman who had shoulder-length brown hair, brown eyes, and a petite frame. She was a cute, shy girl who worked downtown in I.T. as an app developer. On a morning not too long ago, her typical commute to work took a tragic turn.

Since parking is limited downtown, Kim usually parked her car in a parking garage a few blocks away from her job and walked the rest of the way. While crossing the street in a crosswalk, a car sped around the corner, blowing through the red light, and striking Kim. She had very little time to react, so she stood frozen in fear for the half second it took for the speeding vehicle to run into her. The car initially struck Kim in her right thigh. She fell forward, slamming her torso on the hood of the car. She tumbled violently across the hood of the car before coming to a hard landing on the pavement as the car sped off, completely disregarding what had just happened.

A handful of nearby onlookers called 911, completely shaken up by what just happened. Kim laid in the street, battered and moaning in pain. “Help me…” she muttered. Kim had strong, throbbing pain in her right thigh and felt a sharp pain in her chest when she inhaled. She knew she was seriously hurt, but didn’t know the full extent.

A small crowd of nosey onlookers began to form around the injured woman. “are you ok miss?!” one of them asked. One of the members of the crowd started taking a video on their phone. Kim groaned and begged for help from the spectators.

In just a few short minutes, emergency services arrived on scene. Police ordered the nosey crowd to back away from Kim and the fire department set up cones and barricades to temporarily block off the street so first responders and emergency vehicles can gain access to the scene. Traffic was then redirected so the ambulance can pull in.

When the medics arrived, they promptly started their assessment of Kim. The paramedics discovered a compound fracture of the right femur. The exposed bone had to be reset and immobilized as soon as possible to avoid complications such as infections, fat embolism, circulation disturbances to the lower leg, or improper healing. While the medics reset the exposed bone, Kim yelped and cried loudly. After the bone was reset, the laceration on the anterior thigh was bandaged, and a splint was placed on the thigh. Even though Kim had sensation and movement in her lower extremities, a cervical collar was placed to play it safe. Kim’s winter jacket and shirt were cut off, only sparing her purple bra. The medics noticed bruising and redness all over Kim’s chest, which raised a red flag. A portable heart monitor was set up in order to monitor vital signs. Initially, Kim’s vital signs were: BP 94/57, heart rate 118 bpm, and an o2 saturation of 93%. The EGK was abnormal, showing an alternating tall-short QRS complex sporadically. At that point, EMS decided to set up 2 large bore IVs. The first attempt at IV access was unsuccessful since Kim wasn’t an easy stick, but IV access was obtained on attempt #2. A bag of ringer’s lactate was hung to initiate fluid resuscitation and 1 dose of morphine was injected intravenously for pain management. Kim was then placed onto a backboard and stretcher, and taken into an ambulance for transportation to the ER.

Kim remained hemodynamically unstable during transport. The ringer's lactate maintained her vital signs, but didn’t necessarily improve them; all they did was buy her much needed time. Her breathing didn’t improve, so the medic in the back of the ambulance examined Kim with a stethoscope. Diminished breath sounds on the right side were noted, as well as muffled heart sounds. The medic decided to set Kim up on a nasal cannula with high flow oxygen. For the remainder of the ambulance ride, Kim remained responsive, but her condition didn’t improve much. She laid on the stretcher, trying her best to fight back tears. “am I gonna die?” she asked the medic. “we’re taking good care of you miss, just hang in there for us!” the medic replied, attempting to be reassuring.

Minutes later, the ambulance came to a stop in the hospital’s ambulance bay. The back doors swung open while the trauma team waited just a few feet away. The paramedics wheeled Kim out of the ambulance and into the ER’s entrance while the trauma team followed. “take her to trauma 1” one of the doctors said. “what do we have?” another doctor asked. “24 year old female, auto vs pedestrian. Hypotensive, tachy, 93% o2. Open femur fracture was reduced and splinted, possible chest injury. Diminished breath sounds on the right. We gave her a bag of lactate and a round of morphine. Patient has movement and sensation in all extremities, pupils are equal and reactive, and patient is awake and alert.” The medic replied, trying to give a quick rundown. “thank you, we’ll take it from here.” One of the doctors replied.

Once Kim was in the trauma room, she was lifted onto the table. It was all overwhelming for her: all of the people barking orders at one another, the bright light above her, and the sense of urgency everyone had. Kim lost her composure and began sobbing hysterically and saying “please, I don’t wanna die!” the trauma nurses tried to calm Kim down so the doctors could work.

After Kim was calmed down, the rest of her clothes were removed, making her completely nude in a room full of absolute strangers. Kim continued crying while she was long rolled off of the backboard and examined for any back/spinal injuries. After returning her to her previous position, the trauma team ordered trauma labs, a chest x-ray, and a FAST scan. The chest x-ray showed a stable, non-displaced transverse fracture of the eternal manubrium, multiple stable rib fractures on both sides of the thorax, and tension pneumothorax on the right side. The FAST scan showed pericardial effusion and a myocardial contusion. The FAST scan came back negative for the abdomen and pelvis.

Based on initial findings, the trauma team began Kim on the massive transfusion protocol. 4 units of unmatched o-negative blood, 2 units of platelets, and 2 units of FFP were hung from the infuser. With transfusion started, the trauma team’s next step was to address the tension pneumothorax on the right side. Since Kim was hemodynamically unstable, the attending physicians didn’t feel comfortable with sedating Kim during the chest tube placement.

Kim was given lidocaine while a small area on her right chest was cleaned off with rubbing alcohol. A 1 inch incision was made in between her ribs. Kim felt the cold, sharp blade’s every move as it cut through her skin with both ease and precision. When an adequate opening was created, the chest tube was inserted. Kim screamed and cried loudly in excruciating pain. Both air and blood leaked from the tube, allowing the young woman’s lung to reinflate.

Once proper chest tube placemen was confirmed, the trauma team focused on the pericardial effusion. Trauma surgery and cardiothoracic surgery were consulted before making the next step. Both surgical departments suggested a pericardiocentesis to aspirate the excess blood and fluid trapped in the lining of Kim’s heart. The space between Kim’s 5th and 6th ribs just to the left of her sternum was sterilized. A catheter and small collection bag was attached to the back of the large, fine needle. The needle was stuck carefully into Kim’s chest and maneuvered towards her heart. Kim could feel both pressure and a sharp, localized pain in her chest. She remained relatively calm during the procedure.

Coagulated blood was aspirated from the needle. Kim’s vital signs didn’t improve, so a repeat echocardiogram was performed. The echo still showed evidence of worsening pericardial effusion. The trauma team decided to perform a 2nd pericardiocentesis. The 2nd attempt at the procedure withdrew both fresh and coagulated blood, but didn’t ameliorate the situation. Kim’s vital signs continued to decrease rapidly, so she was started on vasopressors. The medication failed to stabilize her vital signs, and her level of consciousness decreased over the ensuing minutes, so the trauma team decided to intubate her. A 7.0 ET tube was navigated into her airway. Once the breathing tube was in the correct place, it was secured with a blue tube holder and an ambu bag was attached.

With Kim’s pericardial effusion remaining the same combined with her decreased vital signs, the trauma team called for a cardiothoracic surgery consult. The surgeon arrived minutes later and ordered another echocardiogram. This particular echo showed cardiac tamponade, meaning Kim’s situation was worse than before. The surgeon made a quick, but unconventional call. They suggested performing a pericardial window in the emergency department. The trauma team felt very uncomfortable with this idea since this is a procedure typically reserved for the operating room. A pericardial window is a procedure where a small cut is made into the chest so that a small portion of the pericardium can be removed so the excess blood can exit the sac around the heart. The trauma team didn’t feel that there was a better option in the moment, so they let the cardiothoracic surgeon lead the way.

The procedure began with a small, midline incision with an 11 blade scalpel beginning in the subxiphoid area, extending down past the diaphragm, and ending at the upper abdomen/epigastric area. Once the skin was separated, a 15 blade scalpel was used to cut through the fat and muscle so the xiphoid process could be exposed. Once the pointy, bony structure was exposed, it was snipped completely off with a tool known as a rongeur. A rongeur is a scissor like tool commonly used in orthopedic surgery to make cuts within bones. Since the xiphoid process is thinner than most bones, it’s an excellent tool to use in a pericardial window since it cuts through the bone quite easily. After the xiphoid process was excised, 2 nurses were each given Richardson retractors to keep the incision area opened wide enough. In order to reach the heart from this viewpoint, the surgeon had to get through a layer of fat that’s quite common in the thorax, known as the cardiophrenic fat. The overlaying area of fat was cut probed and shifted around, finally exposing the pericardium. With echocardiogram guidance, the surgeon made a 1 inch incision into the pericardium with a 15 blade scalpel. Before the portion of the pericardium could be taken out, Kim’s vital signs continued to drop. More fluids and vasopressors were given, but the surgeon had a sense of urgency; they knew they had to finish the procedure sooner rather than later. The portion of the pericardium was excised.

To everyone’s surprise, the line of sight became filled with blood since Kim started bleeding profusely from the incision site. Suction and surgical sponges were introduced to the area, but failed to fix the unexpected problem. The cardiothoracic surgeon put 2 and 2 together and realized Kim was bleeding profusely because of a cardiac chamber injury. The pericardial window created an area for this unwanted blood to flow into. Basically, they traded 1 problem for another: instead of Kim bleeding into her pericardium, she was bleeding into her chest and out of the incision area. The surgeon told the nurses to remove the retractors, sponges, and suction and quickly stapled up the incision area. The surgeon ordered the trauma team to place a left sided chest tube for additional drainage.

While the left chest tube was being placed, Kim became pulseless. The heart monitors displayed v-fib, so one of the nurses began chest compressions. Kim’s skinny chest caved in rhythmically, making her belly bounce outwards during each individual compression. After the 2nd chest tube was placed, blood shot out of the tube and onto the floor below. Epinephrine and atropine were pushed into the IV while the defibrillator paddles were being gelled and charged. The zoll m-series paddles were pressed up against the patient’s bare chest, and a 200j shock was delivered once everyone backed away. Kim’s pale, battered body jolted on the table, but no change on the monitor was seen. CPR was resumed as the paddles were gelled again and recharged to 300j. The 2nd shock was delivered once the cycle of compressions and ambu bagging was completed. Kim’s limp body flopped on the table, but no change was shown on the monitors. One of the nurses resumed deep, violent compressions on the dying 24 year old while the defibs were being readied just a few feet away. A short while later, shock #3 was delivered. Kim’s back arched from the increased intensity of the shock, before returning to her previous position a second or so later. Once again, Kim was in v-fib so the same cycle was repeated. The fourth shock caused Kim’s feet to leap into the air an inch or so above the table before slamming back down in an instant, wrinkling the soles of her size 6 feet. The 4th shock sent Kim into PEA, so harsh chest compressions were restarted.

A few cycles of compressions and another dose of cardiac stimulating drugs failed to restore a pulse, so the trauma team decided to perform a left anterolateral thoracotomy because of the dire situation. Betadine was splashed onto the left side of Kim’s chest. A 10 blade scalpel was used to make an incision in the 5th intercostal space starting at her sternum, extending across the chest below her left nipple, and ending in the mid axillary area just shy of her left armpit. The underlying fat and connective tissue was cut through to make room for the rob spreader, which was promptly placed moments later. With chest compressions still ongoing, the knob on the rib spreader was turned. A loud, repetitive popping sound was heard during the opening of Kim’s chest. There was a small rush of blood once the chest was cracked open, but the bleeding was rapidly quelled with suction. A vascular clamp was placed on the aorta to preferentially redirect bloodflow to the young woman's heart and brain.

External CPR was stopped and substituted with direct cardiac massage. One of the ER doctors wrapped their hands around Kim’s weakly fidgeting heart and squeezed it forcefully, desperately trying to get it to restart. The cardiothoracic surgeon made a larger incision into the pericardium, which was met with a large amount of both coagulated blood and fresh blood. The area was suctioned out so the line of sight could be restored. The surgeon didn’t have a perfect view of things, so they probed around in Kim’s chest attempting to find the precise location of the injury.

Within 30 to 45 seconds, the cardiothoracic surgeon felt something small and solid within the left ventricle. The surgeon pulled lightly with their index finger and thumb and were shocked at what they pulled out. A small bone fragment from one of the rib fractures broke off, sliced a hole in Kim’s left ventricle, and partially plugged up the laceration. The surgeon then called for a PGX surgical stapler to close the wound. 4 staples later, the ventricular laceration was closed. However, Kim remained in PEA despite the wound being fixed. Internal massage went on and the surgeon re-examined Kim’s chest cavity. “Right ventricle is empty and flaccid, but I can find a wound.” The surgeon said, shaking their head. The surgeon then inspected the posterior aspect of the heart for lacerations, but came up empty. “I don’t get it, she should be coming back by now.” The surgeon uttered in a frustrated tone.

The drugs converted Kim back to v-fib, so the trauma team put their search in hold in order to shock her. The zoll PD 1200 internal paddles were lowered into Kim’s chest cavity and around her fluttering heart. A 20j was delivered and accompanied by a full, wet thunk. V-fib was still present on the monitor so resuscitation efforts continued. A cycle of internal compressions were performed while the internal paddles were being recharged. Internal shock #2 was delivered in the coming moments. The 30j shock caused Kim’s torso to flop slightly, but once again didn’t restore a heartbeat. The same repetitive cycle was resumed for a moment before internal shock number 3 was delivered. Kim’s torso flopped and her heart twitched as the electricity coursed through her dying body. Fine v-fib was running across the monitors, so a 4th shock was administered. Again, her body jerks and her toes curl, showing off the prominent wrinkles in her soft soles. Post shock, her toes relax and spread from their previously clenched position. Kim remained in fine v-fib, so another internal shock was delivered.

Unfortunately, Kim became asystolic after this shock. One of the nurses checked Kim’s pupils, discovering that they were fixed and dilated. At that point, resuscitation efforts were stopped and time of death was called at 9:16am. The high pitched, flatlined monitors were switched off and the ambu bag was detached. The ekg electrodes were disconnected from Kim’s cold, battered chest. The finichietto rib spreader and clams were removed. After everything else was done, Kim’s body was covered up and ate tag was placed before being sent off to the morgue.

Later on, Kim’s autopsy revealed that the mystery injury was a partial detachment of the pulmonary artery from the right ventricle. The artery became semi detached and lodged in the posterior pericardium, explaining the massive bleeding and inability to restart her heart after the left ventricular laceration was repaired.

Days later, the individual responsible for Kim’s death was apprehended by local police. The gentleman was charged with 2nd degree vehicular homicide (class F felony), negligent driving, and class B felony hit and run. The suspect pled guilty, so the vehicular homicide charge was reduced, but he still received a 7 year prison sentence. Kim’s family also sued the individual and his family for wrongful death and settled out of court for an undisclosed amount. Overall, this was a tragic situation that cost a beautiful 24 year old woman her life, and justice was served.

[scribbles97]

Left Behind -- Chapter 13

Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3 / Chapter 4 / Chapter 5 / Chapter 6 / Chapter 7 / Chapter 8 / Chapter 9 / Chapter 10 / Chapter 11 / Chapter 12 / Chapter 13

Read On Ao3

I promise this one is just pure fluff and a whole lot of Scott with the adults and flying a certain Thunderbird for the first time. 

It felt strange being the only one home with his mother. Aunt Val and Grandma had taken Thunderbirds Two and Four to some offshore farming platform that had been damaged by a particularly bad storm. Gordon and Alan were both in school on the mainland, though how much studying the elder of the two was doing between swim training, Scott wasn’t sure. John had gone back to NASA to complete his space training, and Virgil back to college to finish his degree before joining the IR training. 

He had been home an hour and technically had nothing that immediately needed doing. All the manuals had been read, the protocols memorised, and the launch sequence gone over. It was just the call he was waiting for. 

“You know, our pilots are expected to spend time in their ships outside of rescues,” Mom murmured from where she was flicking through some file, “You don’t have to wait for a rescue kid.”

He did know. Yet, when the consideration had come to mind he had found himself instantly rejecting it. It seemed wrong to take his father's ship out for a simple joy ride. Especially when Dad wouldn’t be at his back giving directions and pointers.

“You were always going to have to get in that cockpit without him at some point, Scott.” She closed the file and leant back in the big leather desk chair as she watched him. 

Looking towards the chute, he straightened, pursing his lips and looking back to his mother, he swallowed. He’d done all the simulations, knew the controls by heart, had even flown the ship before. Just never alone. 

Even at twenty-six, that seemed like a big step. 

“I’ll have your back son.” His Mom stated, “Not that you need your hand holding, your Dad said you never did after your second flight out in her.”

He smiled, nodding as he swallowed hard. Dad had wanted this for him, the ship on the other end of that chute had always been meant for him.

“Permission to launch Thunderbird One?”

Her nod and smile was encouraging as she brought up the launch feed, “Granted. Fly safe son.”

He had always wondered what happened behind the revolving wall. Sure, he’d read the specs and been told about it plenty enough times. Experiencing it for himself was something entirely different though. His stomach dropped through his feet as the platform descended, and there was something strange about having to stay still as his suit assembled itself around him. 

And then he was there, stood in the hanger facing the red tipped ship, the platform automatically reaching out towards its belly as the seat presented itself to him. Swallowing hard he stepped into the seat, holding on to the arm rests as it retracted back into the ships belly, the glass hull closing around him. 

There was a moments silence as he looked around the cockpit, needlessly reminding himself of the controls that were standard for any IR ship. A jolt and he was moving, ascending up into position beneath the pool, sunlight bright against the dark rock of the hangar. 

Within his gloves he could feel his hands sweating, tense and sticky against the controls as he gripped and released them. 

“Thunderbird One you are clear for launch.” His mother spoke into his ear, “Enjoy your flight.”

A small smile let slip as he started the launch sequence, counting down in his head as the thrusters ignited and the g-force pushed him down into his seat. It was all he could do to bite his lip to stop the yell of thrill from escaping as the house and pool deck blurred past him. 

As his flight leveled off, he found himself letting go a breath he hadn’t realised he had been holding. Just as Dad had shown him, he brought the ship back down to cruising level and banked around the island. 

“You gonna say it?” Lucy smiled as she popped up in front of him in hologram form, “You know it’s tradition.”

With a grin, he nodded, pushing on the horizontal thrusters with as much power as he could, “Thunderbird One is go.”

***

Lucy smiled as she relaxed back in her desk chair, only bothering to keep half an eye on Scott’s flight path and the engine readouts from the ship he was flying. He knew what he was doing and she trusted his ability, no longer did he require babysitting full time in any of the ships. Though that didn’t mean she would be letting him near her Thunderbird Two any time soon, too much of a speed demon like his father had been she wasn’t quite ready to trust him not to break her ship like Jeff had almost done plenty of times. 

Cargo planes weren’t meant to go fast. She had always had to remind him, it would get there when it got there with the equipment needed. Two was by no means a slow ship, just not as fast as her sister. 

“Thunderbird Two to base, we are on our way home.” Val interrupted her thoughts, “The offshore farm has been stabilised, no casualties reported.”

Sitting straighter, she smiled with a nod, “F.A.B. Thunderbird Two. Keep an eye out for Thunderbird One on your approach, someone’s taken her out for a test flight.”

Both Val and Sally smiled at the comment, each murmuring their approval and appreciation at the milestone. 

“Any news from Lee?” Val asked in the following silence, “Did he and Kyrano get to the retreat okay?”

“Kyrano called to say they’d got there,” Lucy confirmed, thinking back to how her brother had been noticeably absent in the call. Her friend had assured her that he was fine, simply jetlagged and had headed to his room to rest after their trip.  

“Lee had gone to rest after the flight, I’m sure he’ll call in in the morning.”

It was impossible not to ignore how Val’s face fell at the response, a twist of hurt at the reminder of the fact that whilst they were still married on paper, it was a long time since they had been a couple. 

“He’ll be back before we know it,” Sally interjected, “and hopefully for all of us in a better mood for it.”

“Agreed,” She sighed, shaking her head, “I think it’s hit him harder than any of us have realised. It’s probably the space he needs to grieve properly and get over it.”

Val’s head was bowed as she nodded in agreement, “Space was what he needed after my accident.”

Lucy winced, remembering how Lee had run away to his and Jeff’s old moon base after the rescue that had almost cost Val her life but had taken away so much more from both of them. 

“He’ll come round Val,” She assured gently, “You know he always does.”

“Yeah,” Val sighed, straightening again, “Sorry, just tired. It’s been a long day.”

“We’ll soon be home. Then I think a good meal and some sleep is what you need.” Sally offered. 

Lucy saw the opportunity and took it, “I’ll make sure there’s something in the oven for you.”

“Well you’d best hurry up.” Val smiled, “We’ll be in in fifteen.”

“F.A.B.” Lucy nodded, “And according to my readings you’ve got company bringing you in.”

“Nice of you to join us Thunderbird One!” Val called as Scott was added to the call, “How’s she handling?”

Scott almost laughed across the line, but Lucy could see the grin that was splitting his face now that he had relaxed into the flight.

“Like a dream Aunt Val. An absolute dream.”

Lucy shared a private smile with his Aunt and Grandma across the comm, knowing the answer couldn’t have been anything different from him.

“Can I trust you to land her is the question,” She smirked, “That’s the real challenge you know.”

Scott’s eyes widened slightly at the challenge, whether in fear or thrill Lucy couldn’t quite tell. He was still smiling though, so she trusted she hadn’t entirely put him off. 

“Well,” Val started, “Last one to the kitchen does the dishes sounds fair to me.”

Scott’s mouth dropped slightly, his eyes still wide as he laughed lightly, “Is that-- do we--”

Lucy couldn’t help it, she had to laugh at his disbelief as did Val, both giggling at the look on his face. 

“Scott, dear,” Sally smiled kindly, “Just because we are professionals, doesn’t mean that we have to act professional all the way home.”

Wiping the tears of laughter from her eyes, Lucy sat straight again, “Oh honey, do you really think we always played sensibly when we were flying those ships? Your father and Lee especially?”

“Well… I thought--” His cheeks were quickly colouring a deep pink as he shook his head, “So we’re allowed to race?”

“As your Aunt said,” Lucy shrugged, “Last to the kitchen washes up.”

His face suddenly fell to the picture of seriousness, lips pressed in a tight line as his eyebrows dipped to the slightest frown, “In that case, see you around Thunderbird Two.”

Lucy shook her head as Scott’s comm cut out and Val snorted, “I’m not at all worried, he has a much harder landing to negotiate than I do. You turned off the landing guidance, right Luce?”

“Don’t be ridiculous Val,” She smirked, “That would make me a terrible mother.”

Val scoffed again, still laughing as she shook her head, “Let’s not tell him how many attempts it took us at first until later though, right?”

“Deal.” Lucy agreed as, in the corner of her eye, the pool began to retract, “Here he comes. Fly home safe you two, I’ve gone to make sure he doesn’t land it in the pool.”

She cut off Val’s laugh as she stood, shifting so she could watch readouts and the pool at the same time. Landing the ship seemed easy enough, but from her own experience it was a skill that took practise to perfect. 

Watching as One swept upwards into the sky, she began the count on her fingers, waiting for just the moment when her comm rang again. 

“Erm, Mom?”

Smiling to herself she returned to the desk, opening up the readouts for the rocket as she sat down. 

Maybe Scott was qualified, but he still had much to learn.

[peterparkerisababy]

Get You/Starker Secret Santa

@cammerel happy holidays, here ya go bb! hope you like it! 

@starkersecretsanta

WARNINGS: Mpreg, brief mention of abortion 

(Ignore the shitty title)

Peter woke up, with a soreness all over his body, in a strange bed.

He was confused for a couple of seconds, but he recovered as he felt the warm body spooning him.

He blushed all over, remembering how his previous night had gone. He went out to celebrate the end of the semester, and gone home with a really hot guy.

The person holding him started to stir, and Peter sat up and yawned wiping his eyes as he mumbled a bashful 'good morning'.

"Good morning, beautiful," a sleepy, familiar voice slurred, and-fucking shit.

Peter jumped to confirm his suspisions and Tony, the same man that he spent almost all of his time with and had a huge crush on, was cuddling him aftet a one night stand. Was it a one night stand? Peter hoped not.

"Oh, fuck," Peter gasped, and Tony-he'd dropped Mr. Stark after he'd practically moved in with him-chuckled.

"Nice to see you, too."

Peter blushed again, slowly relaxing.

"I'm-I'm uh, I'm sorry, I'm still a bit sleepy. Um...want me to make, like, breakfast or something?" He asked, not really understanding one-night stand protocol.

"That sounds great. I make an amazing black coffee, if you'd like," Tony joked, making Peter giggle as he slid on a shirt that stopped mid thigh.

He walked to the door and stopped short, staring at how huge Tony's house was. He'd explored every floor of the house except for Tony's personal floor.

"The upstairs kitchen is to your right," Tony called from behind him. And then, in a quiet, shameful voice, "Fri, cancel One Night Stand protocol."

Peter heard him and blushed (but to be fair, his senses were constantly at 11, did Tony honestly expect him not to hear him?) as he shuffled to the kitchen.

He went to the refrigerator and started to make breakfast, pushing the gradually-increasing insecure thoughts out of his mind.

"Hey, Pete, I'm real sorry, but I gotta go-are those eggs?" Tony asked, coming into the room in a suit and looking into the pan of food Peter had.

Peter nodded. "Just like you like them."

Tony stood there for a moment before he sat down. "I can be a bit late."

Peter brought him a plate of eggs, bacon, and slightly burnt toast.

"Petey, this is incredible," Tony praised, making Peter blush for what seemed like the millionth time that day.

They ate in silence, Peter wracking his mind for something to say.

Sorry about the toast.

This is a nice kitchen.

I love that suit.

Last night was the greatest time of my life and I've been dreaming about it all my life.

"Pete, I gotta go-um, meeting," Tony interrupted the silence, shoving his chair back. "Happy'll be back in about 30 minutes and he'll give you a ride. You can take a shower and steal some clothes, okay?"

Before Peter could really say anything, Tony was walking out, entering an elevator and disappearing.

Peter sat there, mouth dropped open, before he finally pulled himself together, slowly cleaning the mess he'd made cooking as tears started rolling down his cheeks. Tony had really slept with him and abandoned him.

As he cleaned, questions swirled through his mind. Was Tony coming back? Did he think Peter wasn't good enough?

Was this his plan all along?

Peter finished cleaning and laughed bitterly to himself. Tony had left him and Peter just cleaned his kitchen.

"Pete, you here?" Happy called from the elevator.

Peter's eyes widened. He ran to the bedroom and grabbed his backpack and some sweatpants, before he put on his web slingers and left through the window, too upset to care who saw him.

***

"Hey, Pete," May called, not looking up from her phone, having memorized Peter's footsteps. "What's wrong? I-"

May stopped mid sentence when she saw his face.

"Baby, what's wrong?" She asked, standing up. Peter walked a few steps forward and dropped into her open arms.

"Is it okay if... I don't talk about it?" He mumbled, voice cracking in the middle of his sentence. May frowned, gently leading them to the couch. She kissed his forehead and played in his curls, soothing him as best as she could.

She didn't even mention the hickeys.

***

Peter was studying for chemistry a week later when he felt it.

Something in his stomach stirred. It wasn't hunger, it wasn't sadness, it wasn't anger, it wasn't arousal, and it wasn't fear.

It was just...different.

***

Five weeks after that, he was sick.

It wasn't like any sickness he'd had before. He was glued to toilet and had thrown up everything he'd eaten, and even when he'd completely emptied his stomach, he was still there, dry heaving.

May entered the room with a cool washcloth.

"Sweetheart, you've been throwing up for a week," she told him, feeling his forehead. "You're clammy."

May's expression suddenly changed into a fearful one.

"Peter," she began, forcing her voice to be steady. "I need you to completely honest, and I'm not asking this as your aunt, but as a friend. When was the last time you had sex?"

Peter groaned, trying to remember. "Six weeks ago."

May's eyes widened even more, but she still tried to stay calm as she met Peter's eyes.

"Peter," she said, "you might be pregnant."

Peter threw up again.

***

We need to talk.

Peter sent Tony the message later that day, curled up in a blanket with a bucket in front of him.

He waited all day for Tony to respond, throwing up to keep himself busy, but he never did. So he sent a second message.

Can we meet up?

No response.

Tony?

Nothing.

Are you seriously ghosting me?

He wondered if he had been blocked.

He cried himself to sleep.

***

"Peter!"

Dr. Cho smiled as Peter entered her office a week later in a hoodie, followed by Aunt May.

"What's thi-"

"Can you be sworn to secrecy? Please?"

She laughed.

"Peter, I've known you were Spiderman for years, I think I can-"

"You can't tell Tony," May interrupted. Peter felt a stab of guilt, knowing that May thought that Peter was just scared of losing Tony's mentorship.

She frowned. "I'm sorry, but anything that happens with Peter has to be reported to him. It's the-"

"Fuck the Baby-Monitor protocol, Helen, you can't tell Tony," Peter pleaded. "Please."

Frowning, she nodded. "What's wrong?"

"I think I'm pregnant," he told her.

She drew a shaky breath, before she composed herself. "Peter, I really should-"

May gave her a look. Dr. Cho nodded again and turned to Peter, grabbing a cup and handing it to him.

"Pee in this and we'll go from there."

***

Peter was lying in his bed staring blankly at the ceiling.

They had driven back in silence, and the second they got home, Peter had gone into his room and shut the door.

Dr. Cho had determined that he was about a month and a half. She printed out an ultrasound for him that had a really small gray blob in the middle. The baby. His baby.

As if on cue, his phone buzzed right then.

Hey, Pete. We do have a lot to talk about.

Peter froze, thinking Dr. Cho had snitched on him, until his phone buzzed again.

Me leaving the other day was totally not cool and I was a huge jerk for doing it, and I apologize. I also shouldn't have ignored your texts, but I was really busy, thought I had responded, and forgot about it. I'm sorry about that, too. Could we meet up soon and work things out in person? :*

Was Tony sincere, he wondered, or was he just trying to get into his pants again?

He turned off his phone and cupped his stomach. There was a bit of a bump there, already, that could be played off as him not patrolling as much and getting a bit chunky.

Then again, Tony was a genius. He knew what pregnant people looked like. What if he'd, somehow, seen Peter and already knew he was pregnant?

What if he wanted him to get an abortion?

Peter's heart dropped at the thought. Did Tony want kids? He might not want to be bogged down by a 22 year-old and a baby. He'd probably make Peter abort it or set it up for adoption.

He pulled out his laptop and spent hours googling stories of abortion and adoption. By the time he was done, he had cried even more and sworn to not do either.

"I'm sorry,"  he whispered to the air, trying to steady his breathing. He inhaled shakily, then exhaled, slowly calming down.

He could hear familiar footsteps coming to his door, and then there was a knock.

"Come in," he called. May entered the room, holding her keys.

"I'm, um, going to get us some dinner. Anything specific you want?"

"Um-" If he was honest, he was even hungrier than he'd even been as Spiderman.

"Pizza okay?" She asked. "I know you've been talking about it."

He actually did want some pizza, really badly, to be honest. So he sat up, sighing.

"Actually, I do," he told her. He walked to her, leaning into her side. She pecked his forehead.

"We'll get through this, Peter."

***

"Guess those cravings have kicked in, huh?" May laughed, grabbing Peter's 7th empty pizza box. "Pineapple, anchovies, and syrup with on a pizza with no sauce." "Ugh, if I taste any marinara sauce I think I'll die," Peter groaned, before he pouted. "I'm gonna run to the store, want anything?" "No, not really," she replied nonchalantly. He grabbed his wallet and left.

At the store, he practically bought the whole snack aisle. As he walked out, he saw a bogo sale on photo albums.

He bought four, just to be safe.

***

"Peter, why did you call us down here on 'urgent notice' if you're just gonna mope?" MJ asked.

"We're worried," Ned added in a softer tone of voice, taking a bite of his pizza.

Peter sighed, sitting up in his seat. "I'm pregnant."

Ned choked on his pizza, MJ harshly hitting his back. He drank his soda and she let him go, turning to Peter.

"Pregnant?!" She yelled, catching the attention of everyone around them. "How?!"

"You know how," Peter attempted to joke, even though his face and tone were serious.

"Congrats, man!" Ned cheered, but MJ didn't let up.

"Who's the father? What are you gonna do with it? Is this a prank?"

"I'm keeping it, it's not a prank, and the father is...Mr. Stark."

Ned covered his mouth and MJ's eyes widened.

"Don't tell anyone," he begged. "Please."

He put his head in his arms, and MJ and Ned put their hands on his back reassuringly.

"We'll support you, Peter," Ned promised.

"As long as you name it after us," MJ teased.

Peter laughed weakly.

***

By month three, his morning sickness had barely decreased, he was always tired, and you could really tell he was pregnant. He went to Dr. Cho monthly, since she wanted to make sure the spider bite didn't affect the baby, and chose to keep the gender a secret.

He had transferred to MIT, changed most of his classes to online, and gotten an apartment where Tony would never think to find him.

MJ and Ned FaceTimed and texted him everyday, and they visited as often as they could afford, bringing him Spiderman themed baby clothes and toys.

May was still staying in New York, visiting as often as possible and sending him half of her paycheck each month. She would often talk about Tony, telling him how he would show up looking for Peter.

"He misses you, Peter," she told Peter as she cooked him some soup.  "You should talk with him. I'm certain he wouldn't fire you because you're pregnant-as a matter of fact, he could be a great figure in the baby's life."

Peter stiffened and his eyes opened. He sat up on the couch he had been resting on and decided it was now or never.

"Um, May?" He whispered.

"Hmm?" She hummed, stirring her food.

"That's the thing...Tonyismybaby'sfather."

May stilled at the stove, making Peter bite his lip nervously.

She turned to him slowly, an unreadable expression on her face before she sighed, moving the pot off the burner and grabbing two bowls and two spoons.

"Why didn't you tell me earlier?" She asked, spooning soup into the bowls. "I'm not mad, just disappointed."

"I thought you'd be super mad with me," Peter frowned.

"Peter...I know. I knew after you came home from his house with hickeys everywhere. I was just waiting for you to tell me."

He practically deflated, stress seeping from his bones and turning to relief. This pregnancy would be so, so much easier if he knew May wasn't disappointed or disgusted with him.

"So you're not mad?"

May handed him a bowl and a ginger-ale-the only drink, other than water, he could stomach-before sitting down herself. "Not mad, just hurt you didn't tell me. And I don't care for the power imbalance or the age difference-"

"I made the first move," he spilled, quick to remedy any of May's concerns. "And I'm able to get a good job without him. And if he ever tried anything bad, I'd stop him, you know that. But he wouldn't, Tony's an amazing guy-"

"But do you love him?" May interruped, staring into his soul.

Peter inhaled shakily, shocked, before he answered.

"I really do."

May smiled. "As long as you two love each other and you're happy...then I'm okay with it."

Peter grinned so wide he thought his face would crack, one of the many burdens on his shoulders lifting.

"There's a new Stranger Things, wanna watch?" She offered.

He nodded, glad to change the subject, and the two of them put their feet on the table and ate, relaxed, as the show played.

***

When he was four months, he was sitting in Dr. Cho's office, holding his stomach as he waited for another visit.

"I'm way too big for four months," he whined as Dr. Cho walked in.

"My favorite patient," she smiled. "This will be a short appointment, is that okay? Just an ultrasound."

"Okay," he smiled, getting on the bed.

Dr. Cho poured the familiar cold gel over his stomach, Peter barely flinching, before rubbing the wand and spreading it.

Peter beamed happily as the familiar blob showed on-screen. Dr. Cho was scanning the screen when her eyes suddenly furrowed and she added more gel. Peter's spidey senses shot to 100 as she peered at the screen.

"What is it?" He demanded. She ignored him, still watching the screen until her face broke into a smile.

"Peter, it looks like you'll be having twins."

"You're joking." Dr. Cho shook her head. "Twins? Really?"

He grinned so wide his face hurt, before he teared up.

"I'm happy, it's just these..."

"Hormones?" Cho finished. "I understand."

She handed him paper towels and cleaned up a bit as Peter composed himself. At the end of the visit, she had a conflicted expression on her face as she held an envelope. She finally thrust it into Peter's hands.

"He really misses you, Peter," she told him. "I've never seem him this upset before."

"I just-" he stopped, sighing. "I don't know if he wants us."

"Peter," Cho said, "I know Tony, and I know he'll be elated about you and your babies."

Peter tossed the envelope in his bag, nodding grimly to Cho.

***

By month six he felt ugly, lonely, and worried.

Because he'd been seeing news articles of Tony, and in each one, he was drunk and looked miserable.

The straw that broke the camel's back was when he was staying with May and Tony came over at 2 in the morning. From his room, he could hear Tony begging  May for information on him. 

"Please, May," he pleaded, "I haven't seen him in months. Nobody will tell me anything and I'm going fucking crazy. I just want to know if he's okay and what I did wrong."

Peter took a deep breath.

"May...let him in," he called out, after covering his midsection with two huge blankets.

Tony practically broke down Peter's door, freezing when he saw him. Peter's heart raced as he slowly bent down.

"Pete," he mumbled, trying to say something else, but stopping.

He suddenly pulled Peter into a tight hug, and Peter could tell he was crying by the way his body shook, and Peter slowly started to cry with him.

May came to the doorway, prepared to intervene, but Peter gently waved her away. She nodded, walking away.

A few minutes later, Tony sniffled and pulled away, looking at Peter with hurt, red rimmed eyes.

"What did I do?" He whispered when he was somewhat composed, and that made Peter start sobbing harder.

"Tony, it wasn't you," he cried, "it was me, I'm-"

He slowly, nervously pulled the blankets away and watched as Tony's eyes widened.

"You-you're-?"

Peter nodded, sniffling. "They're yours."

Tony froze, a fresh wave of tears pouring down his face.

"I'm so sorry," Peter mumbled, "I was scared you'd have me abort them, or adopt them, but I couldn't, Tony. I love them."

"Them?"

Peter nodded. "They're twins."

Tony's eyes widened and he cleared his throat, shocked and teary eyed.

"Peter, I hate that you thought I wouldn't want them," Tony told him when his voice had somewhat steadied, "and I hate even more that you hid it. I understand that you were scared, but, fuck-"

He looked away. "I thought you hated me."

"I thought you would've hated me," Peter admitted.

"I could never hate you, Pete," Tony assured him. Peter smiled before yawning loudly.

"I'm gonna go," Tony told him, "and I'll be back tomorrow morning. We can talk and I'll bring breakfast."

Peter almost burst into tears again. "Please don't go," he begged. 

Tony smiled softly, happily, as he took off his socks, shoes, and pants, leaving him in his AC/DC shirt and boxers, crawling behind Peter and spooning him.

"Good night, Pete," he whispered, and Peter was out like a light.

The next day, when he woke up, Tony was still there. He smiled to himself, feeling a rough thumping against his side begin. He groaned, accidentally waking Tony up.

"Mornin', babe," Tony mumbled sleepily, "why're you squirmin'?"

Peter blushed at the rasp of Tony's voice and the nickname. "They're kicking me again, and it's always hardest when-"

"Kicking?" Tony interrupted, suddenly wide awake. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't think about it," Peter admitted, which was true. May, MJ, and Ned all felt his bump anytime they saw him, so much so that he didn't think to offer.

Peter led Tony's hands to the small feet, who kicked faster.

"They really like you," Peter told him, astonished. "They've never kicked this hard."

"I have that effect on people," Tony joked. Then his face turned serious.

"Peter, I want to be a part of their lives," he said, "and if you would rather us co-parent, I am perfectly okay with that, but I would love for us to...get together."

"Get together? Like date?" Peter exclaimed excitedly, before he blushed, making Tony chuckle. "Yes, Tony."

Tony smiled, leaning forward and kissing him until May came in.

"I bought some lunch, you two slept late-"

She stopped.

"Am I interrupting something?" She smirked, hands on her hips.

"No," Peter grinned, leaning his head on Tony's shoulder. "What'd you get for lunch?"

***

Two and a half months later, Peter was in the hospital, cursing Tony for ever getting near him, and telling him to "go ahead and schedule a vasectomy, old man, because I am not doing this again-"

Until the babies came out. The moment he laid eyes on them, he teared up.

"I want more," he told Tony, who laughed in slight fear, remembering how he had been cussed out 30 minutes ago, until he saw them and yeah, he completely understood why Peter's tune had changed. They were perfect.

May, MJ, and Ned came right afterwards, bringing balloons and gifts and rushing to hold the twins.

"Oh, what are their names?" May cooed when it was her turn.

Peter and Tony exchanged a look.

"The boy is Anthony Edward, or AJ," Tony beamed proudly.

"And the girl is named Morgan May."

May teared up, looking at Peter.

"You mean it?" She whispered. Peter nodded, also tearing up (Cho had warned them of postpartum hormones, but it was a beautiful moment-everyone in the room got a bit choked up).

***

Tony and Peter got married when the twins were two.

When they were three, Peter announced he was pregnant again.

This time, Tony was the first to know.

[wafflesetc]

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 |Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 |AO3

Closing Time - Chapter 12 

Claire Beauchamp is a second year medical student. Due to many late nights with her clinicals, and studying for her pharmacology class, she’s at wits end. One Friday night she decides not to join Joe Abernathy and her other friends out at Church, their local hangout spot, but instead winds up in a dive bar close to her flat with a very nice whisky selection. In fact, one of the best one she’s ever seen. When the bartender calls her ‘Sassenach’ and pours her a double, Claire gets a feeling in her chest she’s never felt before.

@kkruml​ This chapter is a LONG TIME COMING and needed HEFTY edits because I’m a ONE HANDED FOOL. 

I slept that night the soundest I had in weeks — although the nurses had come in every 3 hours to check on Jamie and his pain, I slept through it all.

I woke to Jamie’s large hand as he pushed a curl behind my ear. Coming to my senses slowly, I placed my hand over his, getting tangled in an array of IV tubes.

“Och, Sassenach, ye dinna want to move too much to yer right, or ye’ll pull the tube outta my hand! Here, let me help ye.” Jamie chuckled as I felt his hand grab mine and moved some of the tubes around.

“Ye slept like a rock last night.”

“Well when your boyfriend decides to almost go and die on you and then stay in a coma for a few days…..One will lose a lot of sleep.” I spoke softly as I turned my head up towards the monitor. “Good news, your O2 levels and heart rate are steady.”

“Claire.” Jamie said as he used his hand to turn my face towards him. “Ye dinna have to be in doctor mode, ye ken? Ye can just be Claire…. I’m no’ goin’ anywhere.”

I looked down towards his hands slowly, assessing the ports and paper tape, as I scanned down his stomach — his hospital gown half open showing a slope of hard muscle and smooth skin, half covering him, as I noted the gauze pads and ace bandages covering his back.  

“Jamie.” I said as the emotion caught the best of me, “I…. Everyone I have ever loved has always left me and you were very close to doing the same as well.” I carefully tilted my head back up towards his once more.

“I promise ye, you will never be alone, again.”  Jamie said firmly as a small cough interrupted us at the end of the bed.

“Sorry to interrupt the two of you.” Joe said as he gave me a daring glance, a smirk on his faces and his eyebrows furrowed together. “But, I have good news.”

Jamie nodded as I slid off the bed and walked over to Joe, throwing my arms around him in a rib-crushing hug. “Joe! It’s so good to see you.”

“It is nice to see that you have gotten some sleep, finally.” Joe said as he kissed my cheek. “It looks like Jamie is going to be able to discharged around noon. A nurse practitioner from plastics is going to come down and show you how to change the bandages and handle his medications… I told them his girlfriend is a doctor, but it’s just protocol.”

My pulse quickened as I heard my new title – hearing it from Jamie’s sister was one thing, as the experience of the past few days had bonded us in some fashion, but hearing the term from someone who was as close to family as I had was something else. I crossed my arms across my chest and looked back at Jamie as I flashed him a wide smile, and turned my face back to Joe as he was nodding his head in approval.

“Aye, I ken. Nay bother.”

“Then, you all will be free to go.” Joe said as he placed his hand on Jamie’s foot, giving him a big smile. “I am glad for our lady’s sake, you didn’t die.”

“Me too.” Jamie responded as he blushed lightly. Joe turned his attention back towards me.

“And you, Lady Jane, since midterms are over and we have your shifts covered for the next two weeks… You are going to be this gentleman’s personal doctor and get some recovery yourself…. Understood?”

I shook my head as Joe signed off on Jamie’s chart and left us.

“Well, Fraser, I think it’s time we worked on getting you home.” I quipped as I grasped his face in between my hands and kissed him thoroughly.

Getting Jamie discharged and home was easier said than done. Due to all the bandages on his back, he needed three blankets to cover the seat to even allow him to be comfy enough for the 2 hour car ride.

Two hours was not all that long, but for a 6’5” Scottish Highlander and the small back seat of my Range Rover, it was quite a task.

Seeing as Jenny had left us the night before, it took us almost 4 hours to drive from Edinburgh through the Highlands to Jamie’s childhood home — Lallybroch. While I was able to handle the drive on my own, I had convinced Jamie to pop an extra pain pill just for the drive home, to make it as manageable as could be.

Had Jenny stayed and driven back with us an extra set of hands to help keep him comfortable in the back seat would have been appreciated, but we made it work—even if I had to stop three times to adjust his body a few times.

Oh the things you do for love, or so I could hear Joe saying in the back of my head.

I looked in the rearview as the GPS guided me to ‘Take the next left’ and ‘The destination will be on your right’ and saw a small smile on Jamie’s still medicine induced face.

A stone archway greeted me as a large stone house with matching bricks filled my point of view.

“Well you come from humble beginnings.” I muttered as I pulled my car next to the truck.

“My father built this place. His blood and sweat are in this very stone. He and my mother… Well, my grandsire didna want them to get married, so they ran off, and built Lallyrboch.” Jamie said. I turned in my seat and reached in the back and unfastened his seatbelt.

“I was just giving you a hard time — it’s beautiful, the three minutes I have seen of it. Seems like the kind of place that every child dreams of growing up… Where your mom calls you in for dinner and you’re way up in the hills and you come running back but your plate is cold.”

Jamie reached up and touched my cheek, gingerly, running his finger along the lines of my cheek.

“Aye. And I’d be covered in dirt and grime with my Da trailing right behind me, a big smile on my face. She’d hose me down before I could even go in the house.” I briefly turned my face to the palm of his hand and gave it a kiss. “I am verra glad yer here, Claire.”

“I won’t lie, I wish it were under different circumstances, but alas, there’s nowhere else I would rather be.”

“She looked at me and said ‘Fine, we will be married on St. Martin’s Day.’ I tried to tell her how we couldna do such a thing, but then I found myself standing at the alter saying I do.” Ian said as he pushed his plate in front of him.

Ian Murray was nothing like I had pictured him to be — tall and well built, but smaller than Jamie.  He too, had eyes as blue as the ocean, but strikingly blonde hair and an extremely laid back personality, compared to that of his married half, an undeniable Fraser.

“Aye, and ye havena looked back since… Have ye?” Jenny said as she wiped the tears from laughter off her face and grasped for his hand.

I sat the napkin on my plate, and pushed it forward, wiping my own happy tears off my face. I looked over to Jamie who was finishing his meal slowly— too stubborn to ask for help.

“Jamie… Let the lass help ye eat. She’s already seen ye nearly dead, the least she can do is spoon feed ye.” Ian said as he stood up, gathering all the dirty plates.

“Aye.” Jamie grumbled. My hand rested on his thigh, and I gave it a small squeeze as I took the utensils from his hands, knowing just what he wanted me to help him with.

Jenny grabbed wee Jamie from his booster seat and excused herself. “This wee one needs a bath and to go to bed. Ian will be in the kitchen shall ye need anything. Jamie can show ye where his old room is. The sheets are clean, I put three extra pillows on the bed and the towels in the attached bathroom are for the both of ye as well. I will see ye both tomorrow morning.”

Young Jamie squawked as Jenny tried to get a tighter grasp on her toddler as she reached the bottom of the stairs.  

“Claire…” Jamie said as he pushed my hand out of his face and made eye contact. “Ye dinna have to say yes, I can…. Probably figure it out myself, but I was wondering…. If ye would help be scrub off all the hospital, when we are finished eating. And then go to bed with me.”

“You do know, that you cannot get wet, correct?” I said as I shoved his mouth full of food. I watched his cheeks as they flushed a bright shade of red and he shook his head giving me the confirmation I needed. “So you do understand, that this means, a sponge bath?” I grinned from ear to ear—the idea of my hands on his bare skin sent a flush of heat to my face as I grinned from ear to ear.

Jamie nodded once more, as I heard Ian’s light footsteps behind us, as he was making his way up the stairs.  “Jamie Fraser, if ye dinna marry the lass who offers to give ye a sponge bath… Then ye have something wrong with ye!”

“I plan on it, Murray.” Jamie grinned from his chair as turned just enough to face Ian.

“Good. I like her, too. She may be a sassenach after all, but she fits in verra well around here.” Ian finished as he disappeared upstairs.

My eyes flickered as they looked over the plate and I filled another forkful of food for Jamie. I looked up at him, raising my eyebrows signaling if he wanted another bite. He nodded as I filled his mouth once more, neither one of us commenting on the statement he had just admitted.

My heart fluttered at it though, because while I had only been here at Lallybroch for a mere 5 hours, it felt like I belonged.

We sat in a comfortable silence then, as I finished feeding Jamie the last few bites of his food. I heard the soft hum of Jenny as she sang a nursery rhyme to wee Jamie, and the laundry machine going as Ian must have switched over a load.

As Jamie chewed his last bite, he leaned his head against the back of his chair, closing his eyes, listening to the sounds the old house made. The creaks in the floorboard as Jenny and Ian followed a toddler around upstairs. The gentle hum of the dishwasher in the kitchen— I could hear the low mum of the AC as it fluttered through the house. The house had a peculiar aroma to it too, something along the lines of fresh baked cookies, cinnamon, and lavender.

I took the napkin off my lap, wiping Jamie’s five o’clock shadow. Good god, he needed a shave.

He smiled as he felt the fabric touch his skin, but didn’t open his eyes.

His hand found mine, as I set the napkin on the table and he opened his eyes, looking right at me.

“With the bar, and the restaurant, I havena been back here in months…. It hasna really felt like home since my parents died…. But havin’ ye here, Sassenach, it feels more like home than it has in a long time Thank ye, Claire. For giving this feeling back to me.”

My heart stopped for a minute as my brain registered the words that had just come out his mouth. I pulled his hand up to my lips, and kissed his callous and bruised knuckles.

“You’re welcome.” I said as I kissed his knuckles once more and running his knuckles along my lips, my breath warm on his hands. “But you do smell like a sterile hospital room! Why don’t we go get you a bath and a bed, Fraser.”

I stood up, slowly, giving him my hands and helping him slowly up to a standing position. I looked up, to see Ian leaning over the balcony, eyes on Jamie and me, taking in the intimate moment he had just caught us in. He gave me a small nod of affirmation, as Jamie continued to help himself stand upright.

I smiled up at him nodding back — my affirmation that yes, I love your best friend, and wasn’t going to hurt him, I was in it for the long haul.

Ian walked off back into a room and I felt Jamie’s hands on my shoulders.

“Lead me, Sassenach. Up the stairs, slowly. Last door on the left.”

I placed my hands on top of his and as we started our slow journey towards his bedroom.

I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face because for the first time in my 26 years, my orphan heart finally felt like it had found a home.

[pamiverson]

2017-03-20 Worst moments of my Peace Corps experience

It’s not all been a bed of roses.  Probably not the best comparison, because I don’t think I’ve seen a bed of roses anywhere in South Africa.  So it’s not all hillsides of protea…

13.  Lost, very lost luggage.  We went to Rwanda, but our luggage didn’t.  This was Tuesday.  Because both of our bags were missing, we didn’t think they had been stolen.  The tour company kept pestering the airlines about it, and said they would bring our bags to us as soon as they were found. So when we were getting ready to leave the country the following Monday, we checked again, and they said it was coming on the plane that would then take us back to South Africa.  We talked to someone who promised the bags would stay on the plane and leave with us.  Wrong… Poor Greg spent hours on the phone over several days trying to find out where it was (we had a print-out that showed the bags had gone back and forth between Johannesburg and Nairobi a couple of times.)  Finally someone assured us they had been in Kigali, but were being placed on a plane to Johannesburg and would arrive at midnight.  But at 6:00, well after the flight would have left, the tour company operator what’s apped us to say he had our bags.  So again the phone calls and the waiting game continued…  We finally decided we had to leave Pretoria on Saturday, so Friday was our last hope.  Someone from the airlines assured us our bags would be put on the next flight.  About 45 minutes later we got a call from Johannesburg airport baggage saying they had our luggage.  I will be forever grateful (because I had twisted my foot since I didn’t have my hiking boots) that Peace Corps authorized one of their drivers to take us to the airport.  He knew exactly where to go to get them – I guess we weren’t the first.  We were so happy to see them!!  They were wrapped in plastic, but we don’t think it was the same plastic they wrapped them in when we turned them over in Jo’burg the first time. Everything was there, a bit more wrinkled, perhaps, but so were we.  So much better than thinking about what we needed to replace, especially the valuable things like extra glasses, my night guard, and a spare set of house keys.

12. My first language test.  I don’t know why I got so anxious, maybe because I haven’t had to take a test for awhile.  At the practice test, I was literally shaking.  Not much better at the real test.  I passed it on the second try, three months later.  We got tested at our Close of Service Conference, and I was grateful to have remained at the same level.  It didn’t help that I needed to use my hands to explain the difference between izintaba (mountains) in KZN, my home in America, and Lesotho.  I might have tried harder to master the language if it was a language, such as Spanish, that I might have an opportunity to use later.

11. Cramped taxi/other vehicle rides.  In the interest of togetherness, I think, a taxi driver insisted Greg and I both sit in the front seat of his truck.  We were both pretty uncomfortable.  Sharing one seat in the org’s truck with a very large woman was even worse.  Worst of all was a long-distance taxi trip where I had practically no leg room and my pack on my lap.  I almost swore off traveling after that trip.  And Greg, being that much bigger, would put such trips much higher on his list of worst moments…

10.  Being at a Bible-based training where everyone was asked to share about when they were saved and how their relationship with God and Jesus enhances their lives.  Those are not words I use to describe my spiritual journey.  Such a sense of dread, how to talk about my faith, how to be respectful of our differences.  But I think my supervisor had talked to the facilitators already, because they smoothly passed by her and me.  I respect her for passing on an opportunity to witness her faith to accommodate me.  Thank you.

9.  The first time we hiked up the big mountain across from my org.  Churches were holding a prayer service at the top of the mountain, and I thought everyone was climbing up.  When we got up part-way, we could hear singing, and I thought we were late.  I was not in great shape, but was pushing myself to get there.  I ended up wheezing and needing to rest awhile.  I’ve never wheezed before or since.  It turned out that most people, including my supervisor and the minister who invited me, drove to the top.  And since then, I have made it to the top uneventfully.

8.  Losing my phone – twice.   Both times I was in a hurry to get out of a vehicle and then unfocused as I was getting out.  The most recent time, I was aware I didn’t have my phone just a few steps away from my supervisor’s car.  I may have been distracted by the men at the outdoor restaurant (just to say hi), but I can’t remember if anyone was closer to me who could have gotten it out of my pocket then.  I thought it was secure there – a safety pin closed the opening.    I have feelings of vulnerability and distrust, which I don’t like. Especially when I discovered they had gotten into my phone and changed my G-mail password.  Fortunately my supervisor was going to Pietermaritzburg a day later so we could get a ride to the mall.  And folks at the two Vodacom stores we had to go to were very helpful. And best of all – it looks like nothing further was done with my phone besides the G-mail.  I got a cheaper phone this time, though, and I am not as happy with its camera (as the man predicted, but seemed like too much to pay again.)  

7. Being sick while camping – twice.  There’s nothing much worse than having an intestinal bug when you are sleeping in a tent and the restrooms (or ablutions as they call them here) are a distance away. Enough said…  

6 The morning the alarm went off and Greg did not respond.  He usually jumps right out of bed, so when he didn’t, I immediately started shaking him, and he quickly responded.  It’s amazing, though, the thoughts that can quickly pass through one’s head in that second or two.  I wanted his hearing tested, but the Peace Corps doctor suspected one ear, the one on top as he slept that morning, had significant wax build-up.  The doctor was right.

5.  Thinking I had skin cancer.  With my genetics and history of burning and peeling repeatedly every summer of my Southern California childhood, skin cancer is probably inevitable.  I had a mole removed before I was 50 – it was benign.  But someday… One of my biggest concerns when I found an unusual spot on my face was the inconvenience of having to deal with this now – I don’t know Peace Corps protocols.  It would be easier if I was home, with a more settled life, ongoing, easily-accessible health care, flexible plans, friends close by.  But who gets to choose when a health concern happens?  It was a good reminder that I am not immortal, and that I could face that reality at any time.  I wish I could say that I stopped any superfluous activities, that I have only done meaningful things since then.  But I would be lying….  Oh, and the local doctor gave me antibiotics and creams for viruses and fungal infections. The Peace Corps doctor said it was a bug bite and scarring because I scratched it.  Whew!  

4.  Eggplant leaf poisoning.  We didn’t know what it was – being dizzy, totally unfocused, awkward, unbalanced, foggy-headed.  After the second time, we connected it to greens from our garden – Greg had used a variety of greens from our garden in a salad.  After that, I refused to eat greens unless they had been cooked.  We and others could not figure out how something poisonous could have been put on the garden.   It was only after we came back from our trip to the States that we saw one of the plants Greg had harvested was starting to produce eggplants. A quick check of Google confirmed that eggplant leaves are poisonous.   We do a better job of labeling plants now.  

3. Spider bite. This one almost put me in the hospital. Lessons learned:  when something on your body looks strange, don’t wait for it to get bad. Contact |Peace Corps – they can send you to a local doctor or even prescribe medications based on what you tell them.  A couple of months ago, I actually got another bite, under my wedding band, and it started to swell and get the dark circle in the middle characteristic of a spider or tick bite.  But a couple of days of putting antibiotic ointment on it (and not wearing my ring – sigh…) and it healed up.  For that I am very thankful.

2.  Seeing Baby N. for the first time.  He was a very small 13-month-old, with obvious delays, and I didn’t know the indicators at the time, also evidence of serious malnutrition.  He lived with his elderly grandmother and his mother, who was so spaced out then, due to her glue sniffing.  Baby N. stayed in his grandmother’s lap except when he crawled awkwardly to his mom to nurse.  She barely registered that he was there.  His grandmother wanted to help him, but was afraid of her daughter, who had beat her up to get Baby’s N.’s child support money, which she then used to buy drugs. Mom is HIV+.  When we (another staff member and I) reported back to my supervisor, she immediately went into action mode:  “We need to get him tested for HIV and connect him with the Nutritionist at the hospital…”  I came home and told Greg that I didn’t think I could do this work.  I felt so sad and overwhelmed – my supervisor’s reaction suggested to me that many children live in difficult situations like Baby N, no time for sadness, just do what’s needed.  I was relieved when at devotions the next morning, the man I went with was also feeling such sorrow for this little boy.  I was reassured that my reaction was appropriate.  And the good news:  Baby N. was not HIV+.  He stayed at our facility for several months, and with more nourishment and stimulation, he was progressing well.   An aunt stepped forward to take him into her home (that’s a wonderful thing about Zulu culture – the idea of family is broad, and people feel a sense of responsibility for children), and reported he is now running and laughing.  I am so grateful.    

1. Fearing I had some thyroid cancer.  A local doctor noted the lump on the side of my neck, which I was unaware of.  That was in November.  I have had full thyroid blood work, three ultrasounds, two sets of biopsies since then. And finally conclusive results last Friday.  Right now I can say the samples they took were good and they showed no cancer. (But it could be like the worm on the other side of the apple – you may not check the right place.)  I will need it monitored, and with the cyst that has formed, surgery is indicated.  How extensive the surgery will be needs to be decided by the next doctors in the States that I see.  We were able to continue with completion of service and travelling after close of service. As Greg said afterwards, “I thought maybe we would have to change our plans for our lives for the next year or two.” (His positivity and support are among the many qualities that I love about him.)

And in a class of its own:  Missing the grandkids.

[digital-strategy]

https://ift.tt/2KUO3bK

That’s a wrap! After a bustling three days at Google I/O, we have a lot to look back on and a lot to look forward to, from helpful features made possible with AI to updates that help you develop a sense of digital wellbeing. Here are 100 of our Google I/O announcements, in no particular order—because we don’t play favorites. 💯

1. Hey Google, you sound great today! You can now choose from six new voices for your Google Assistant.  2. There will even be some familiar voices later this year, with John Legend lending his melodic tones to the Assistant.  3. The Assistant is becoming more conversational. With AI and WaveNet technology, we can better mimic the subtleties of the human voice—the pitch, pace and, um, the pauses.  4. Continued Conversation lets you have a natural back-and-forth conversation without repeating “Hey Google” for each follow-up request. And the Google Assistant will be able to understand when you’re talking to it versus someone else, and respond accordingly.  5. We’re rolling out  Multiple Actions so the Google Assistant can understand more complex queries like: “What’s the weather like in New York and in Austin?” 6. Custom Routines allow you to create your own Routine, and start it with a phrase that feels best for you. For example, you can create a Custom Routine for family dinner, and kick it off by saying "Hey Google, dinner's ready" and the Assistant can turn on your favorite music, turn off the TV, and broadcast “dinner time!” to everyone in the house.  7. Soon you’ll be able to schedule Routines for a specific day or time using the Assistant app or through the Google Clock app for Android. 8. Families have listened to over 130,000 hours of children’s stories on the Assistant in the last two months alone.  9. Later this year we’ll introduce Pretty Please so the Assistant can understand and encourage polite conversation from your little ones. 10. Smart Display devices will be available this summer, bringing the simplicity of voice and the Google Assistant together with a rich visual experience.  11. We redesigned the Assistant experience on the phone. The Assistant will give you a quick snapshot of your day, with suggestions based on the time of day, location and recent interactions with the Assistant.  12. Bon appetit! A new food pick-up and delivery experience for the Google Assistant app will be available later this year.  13. Keep your eyes on the road—the Assistant  is coming to navigation in Google Maps with a low visual profile. You can keep your hands on the wheel while sending text messages, playing music and more.  14.Google Duplex is a new capability we will be testing this summer within the Google Assistant to you help you make reservations, schedule appointments, and get holiday hours from businesses. Just provide the date and time, and your Assistant will call the business to coordinate for you. 15.The Google Assistant will be available in 80 countries by the end of the year. 16. We’re also bringing Google Home and Google Home Mini to seven more countries later this year: Spain, Mexico, Korea, the Netherlands, Denmark, Norway and Sweden.

17.Soon you’ll see Smart Compose in Gmail, a new feature powered by AI, that helps you save you time by cutting back on repetitive writing, while reducing the chance of spelling and grammatical errors in your emails. 18. ML Kit brings the breadth of Google’s machine learning technology to app developers, including on-device APIs for text recognition, face detection, image labeling and more. It’s available in one mobile SDK, accessible through Firebase, and works on both Android and iOS. 19.Our third-generation TPUs (Tensor Processing Units) are liquid-cooled and much more powerful than the previous generation, allowing us to train and run models faster so more products can be enhanced with AI. 20. We published results in a Nature Research journal showing that our AI model can predict medical events, helping doctors spot problems before they happen. 21. AI is making it easier for Waymo’s vehicles to drive in different environments, whether it’s the snowy streets of Michigan, foggy hills of San Francisco or rainy roads of Kirkland. With these improvements, we’re moving closer to our goal of bringing self-driving technology to everyone, everywhere.

22.We unveiled a beta version of Android P, focused on intelligence, simplicity and digital wellbeing.  23. We partnered with DeepMind to build Adaptive Battery, which prioritizes battery power for the apps and services you use most. 24. Adaptive Brightness in Android P learns how you like to set the brightness based on your surroundings, and automatically updates it to conserve energy.  25. App Actions help you get to your next task quickly by predicting what action you’ll take next. So if you connect your headphones to your device, Android will suggest an action to resume your favorite Spotify playlist.  26. Actions will also show up throughout your Android phone in places like the Launcher, Smart Text Selection, the Play Store, the Google Search app and the Assistant. 27. Slices makes your smartphone even smarter by showing parts of apps right when you need them most. Say for example you search for “Lyft” in Google Search on your phone—you can see an interactive Slice that gives you the price and time for a trip to work, and you can quickly order the ride.  28. A new enterprise work profile visually separates your work apps. Tap on the work tab to see work apps all in one place, and turn them off with a simple toggle when you get off work.  29. Less is more! Swipe up on the home button in Android P to see a newly designed Overview, with full-screen previews of recently used apps. Simply tap once to jump back into any app.  30. If you’re constantly switching between apps, we’ve got good news for you. Smart Text Selection (which recognizes the meaning of the text you’re selecting and suggests relevant actions) now works in Overview, making it easier to perform the action you want. 31.Android P also brings a redesigned Quick Settings, a better way to take and edit screenshots (say goodbye to the vulcan grip that was required before), simplified volume controls, an easier way to manage notifications and more. 32. Technology should help you with your life, not distract you from it. Android P comes with digital wellbeing features built into the platform.  33.Dashboard gives you a snapshot on how you’re spending time on your phone. It includes information about how long you’ve spent in apps, how many times you unlocked your phone and how many notifications you’ve received.   34.You can take more control over how you engage with your phone. App Timer lets  you set time limits on apps, and when you get close to your time limit Android will nudge you that it is time to do something else.   35. Do Not Disturb (DND) mode has more oomph. Not only does it silence phone calls and texts, but it also hides visual disruptions like notifications that pop up on your display.  36. We created a gesture to help you focus on being present: If you turn your phone over on the table, it automatically enters DND.  37. With a new API, you can automatically set your status on messaging apps to “away” when DND is turned on.  38.Fall asleep a little easier with Wind Down. Set a bedtime and your phone will automatically switch to Night Light mode and fade to grayscale to eliminate distractions.  39.Android P is packed with security and privacy improvements updated security protocols, encrypted backups, protected confirmations and more.   40.Thanks to work on Project Treble, an effort we introduced last year to make OS upgrades easier for partners, Android P Beta is available on partner devices including Sony Xperia XZ2, Xiaomi Mi Mix 2S, Nokia 7 Plus, Oppo R15 Pro, Vivo X21, OnePlus 6, and Essential PH‑1, in addition to Pixel and Pixel 2.

41. Say hello to the JBL LINK BAR. We worked with Harman to launch this hybrid device that delivers a full Google Assistant speaker and Android TV experience.  42. We released a limited edition Android TV dongle device, the ADT-2, for developers to create more with Android TV.  43. Android Auto is now working with more than 50 OEMs to support more than 400 cars and aftermarket stereos.  44. Volvo’s next-gen infotainment system powered by Android will integrate with Google apps, including Maps, Assistant and Play Store.  45. Watch out! You can get more done from your watch with new features from the Google Assistant on Wear OS by Google.  46. Smart suggestions from the Google Assistant on Wear OS by Google let you continue conversations directly from your watch. Choose from contextually relevant follow-up questions or responses.  47. Now you can choose to hear answers from your watch speaker or Bluetooth headphones. Just ask Google Assistant on your watch “tell me about my day.”  48. Actions will be available on all Wear OS by Google watches, so you can use your voice to do tasks like preheat your LG oven while you’re unloading your groceries or ask Bay Trains when the next train is leaving. And we’re working with developers and partners to add more Actions and functionalities.

49. We’ve mapped more than 21 million miles across 220 countries, put hundreds of millions of businesses on the map, and provided access to more than 1 billion people around the world. 50.Google Maps is becoming more assistive and personal. A redesigned Explore tab features everything you need to know about dining, events and activity options in whatever area you’re interested in. 51. Top lists give you information from local experts, Google’s algorithms and trusted publishers so you can see everything that's new and interesting—like the most essential brunches or cheap eats nearby. 52. New features help you easily make plans as a group. You can create a shortlist of places within the app and share it with friends across any platform, so you can quickly vote and decide on a place to go. 53. Your "match" helps you see the world through your lens, suggesting how likely you are to enjoy a food or drink spot based on your preferences. 54. Updated walking directions help you get oriented on your walking journey more quickly and navigate the world on foot with more confidence. So when you emerge out of a subway or reach a crossing with more than four streets, you’ll know which way to go.

55. Suggested actions, powered by machine learning, will start to show up on your photos right as you view them—giving you the option to brighten, share, rotate or archive a picture. Another action on the horizon is the ability to quickly export photos of documents into PDFs.  56. New color pop creations leave the subject of your photo in color while setting the background to black and white.  57. We’re also working on the ability for you to change black-and-white photos into color in just a tap.   58. We announced the Google Photos partner program, giving developers the tools to build smarter, faster and more helpful photo and video experiences in their products, so you can interact with your photos across more apps and devices.

59. The updatedGoogle News uses a new set of AI techniques to find and organize quality reporting and diverse information from around the web, in real time, and organize it into storylines so you can make sense of what’s happening from the world stage to your own backyard.  60. The “For You” tab makes it easy to keep up to date on what you care about, starting with a “Daily Briefing” of five stories that Google has organized for you—a mix of the most important headlines, local news and the latest on your interests.   61.With Full Coverage, you can deep dive on a story with one click. This section is not personalized—everyone will see the same content including related articles, timelines, opinion and analysis pieces, video, timeline and the ability to see what the impact or reaction has been in real time.  62. The separate Headlines section, also unpersonalized, lets you stay fully informed across a broad spectrum of news, like world news, business, science, sports, entertainment and more.  63. Subscribing to your favorite publishers right in the Google News app is super simple using Subscribe with Google—no forms, new passwords or credit cards—and you can access your subscriptions anywhere you’re logged in across Google and the web.

64. Updates to Google Lens help you get answers to the world around you. With smart text, you can copy and paste text from the real world—like recipes or business cards—to your phone.  65. With style match, if an outfit or a home decor item catches your eye, you can open Lens and not only get info on that specific item (like reviews), but also see similar items. 66.Lens now uses real-time identification so you’ll be able to browse the world around you just by pointing your camera. It’s able to give you information quickly and anchor it to the things you see. 67. Use Lens directly in the camera app on supported devices from the following OEMs: LGE, Motorola, Xiaomi, Sony Mobile, HMD/Nokia, Transsion, TCL, OnePlus, BQ, Asus—and of course the Google Pixel.  68. Lens is coming to more languages, including French, Italian, German, Spanish and Portuguese.  69. Tour Creator lets anyone with a story to tell, like teachers or students, easily make a VR tour using imagery from Google Street View or their own 360 photos.   70.With Sceneform, Java developers can now build immersive, 3D apps without having to learn complicated APIs. They can use it to build AR apps from scratch as well as add AR features to existing ones.  71. We’ve rolled out ARCore’s Cloud Anchor API across Android and iOS to help developers build more collaborative and immersive augmented reality apps. Cloud Anchors makes it possible to create collaborative AR experiences, like redecorating your home, playing games and painting a community mural—all together with your friends. 72. ARCore now features Vertical Plane Detection which means you can place AR objects on more surfaces, like textured walls. Now you can do things like view artwork above your mantlepiece before buying it.  73. Thanks to a capability called Augmented Images, you’ll be able to bring images to life just by pointing your phone at them—this works on QR codes, AR markers and static image targets (like maps, products in a store, logos, photos or movie posters).

74. We launched updates to the YouTube mobile app that will help everyone develop their own sense of digital wellbeing. The Take a Break reminder lets you set a reminder to (you guessed it!) take a break while watching videos after a specified amount of time.  75. You can schedule specific times each day to silence notification sounds and vibrations that are you sent to your phone from the YouTube app.  76. You can also opt in to a scheduled notification digest that combines all of the daily push notifications from the YouTube app into a single, combined notification.  77. Soon you’ll have access to a time watched profile to give you a better understanding of the time you spend on YouTube.

78. Lookout, a new Android app, gives people who are blind or visually impaired auditory cues as they encounter objects, text and people around them. 79. We’re introducing the ability to type in Morse code in Gboard beta for Android. We partnered with developer Tania Finlayson, an expert in Morse code assistive technology, to build this feature.

80. After launching in beta at Game Developers Conference, Google Play Instant is now open to all game developers.  81.Updated Google Play Console features help you improve your app’s performance and grow your business. These include improvements to the dashboard statistics, Android vitals, pre-launch report, acquisition report and subscriptions dashboard.  82. Android Jetpack is a new set of components, tools and architectural guidance that makes it quicker and easier for developers to build great Android apps.  83. Android KTX, launching as part of Android Jetpack, optimizes the Kotlin developer experience.  84. Android App Bundle, a new format for publishing Android apps, helps developers deliver great experiences in smaller app sizes and optimize apps for the wide variety of Android devices and form factors available.  85.The latest canary release of Android Studio 3.2 focuses on supporting the Android P Developer Preview, Android App Bundle and Android Jetpack, plus more features to help you develop fast and easily.   86.We added Dynamic Delivery so your users download only the code and resources they need to run your app, reducing download times and saving space on their devices.   87.With Android Things 1.0, developers can build and ship commercial IoT products using the Android Things platform. 88.The latest improvements to Performance Monitoring on Firebase help you easily monitor  app performance issues and identify the parts of your app that stutter or freeze.  89. In the coming months, we're expanding Firebase Test Lab to include iOS to help get your app into a high-quality state—across both Android and iOS—before you even release it. 90. We shipped Flutter Beta 3, the latest version of our mobile app SDK for creating high-quality, native user experiences on iOS and Android..  91. We launched an early preview of the Android extension libraries (AndroidX) which represents a new era for the Support Library. 92. You can now run Linux apps on your Chromebooks (starting with a preview on the Google Pixelbook), so you can use your favorite tools and familiar commands with the speed, simplicity and security of Chrome OS.  93. Material Theming, part of the latest update to Material Design, lets developers systematically express a unique style across their product more consistently, so they don’t have to choose between building beautiful and building fast. We also redesigned Material.io.  94. We introduced three Material tools to streamline workflow and address common pain points across design and development: Material Theme Editor, a control panel that lets you apply global style changes to components across your design; Gallery, a platform for sharing, reviewing and commenting on design iterations; and Material Icons in five different themes. 95. With open-source Material Components, you can customize key aspects of an app’s design, including color, shape, and type themes.

96. We’ll launch a beta that allows developers to display relevant content from their apps—such as a product catalog for a shopping app—within ads, giving users more helpful information before they download an app. 97. We started early testing to make Google Play Instant compatible with AdWords, so game developers can use Universal App campaigns to reach potential users and let them try out games directly from ads. 98. Developers using ads to grow their user bases will soon have a more complete picture with view through conversion (VTC) reporting, providing more insight into ad impressions and conversions.  99. With rewarded reporting to AdMob, developers can understand and fine-tune the performance of their rewarded ads--ads that let users opt in to view ads in exchange for in-app incentives or digital goods, such as an extra life in a game or 15 minutes of ad-free music streaming.  100. Developers who sell ad placements in their app can now more easily report data back to advertisers with the integration of IAB Tech Lab’s Open Measurement SDK.

via The Official Google Blog

[fqtoxicity]

Returning From The Brink has been published on My Quin Story

New Post has been published on http://www.myquinstory.info/returning-from-the-brink/

Another Brush With Death: Returning From The Brink

“I have stood at the very edge. I have looked into the abyss. If I’d have taken one more step, I would have fallen. But no matter how far I ran away from God, he was still waiting ahead.” ~ Ethan, Penny Dreadful.

The above quote is from the cable television series Penny Dreadful and is philosophically fitting to my recent prolonged absence.

When you read on, you will realize that this phrase is not an exaggeration. No, it is not some attempt to write an exciting article to bump up readership.  On the contrary, it sums up yet another, but more intense, brush with death that I have experienced. Since floxing, I unfortunately have had my share of close calls, two of which I wrote about here, and here. To those who are new to my plight or are unfamiliar with my personal situation, my life is delineated with a clear demarcation line.  The life before taking Levaquin, a fluoroquinolone (FQ) antibiotic, and my life after.  My healthy life before and my not so healthy life after. It is my story, my quin story, my life after Levaquin; Extremely healthy in one season, and a struggle with health the next.

My latest absence begins last fall in the middle of November 2017.  Since floxing I have had gastroparesis, or as I like to call it, gastrointestinal dysmotility, as it affects not only my stomach, but my esophagus and some of my colon.  Mainly the pain is felt in the stomach as I have delayed emptying.  A sign of mitochondrial dysfunction that, for me, is progressively getting worse, although I will not go into the science details in this article.

It was not uncommon for me to get stomach spasms and painful stomach aches post Levaquin.  My doctor and I had developed a protocol that would help with some of the pain and discomfort associated with the spasms that I was getting.  Unbeknownst to me, my gallbladder was becoming affected and was filling with sludge and stones.  I had my gallbladder checked several years earlier and it got a clean bill of health, but since then, despite healthy eating it became quite dysfunctional and acted atypical for gallbladder disease.

To The Hospital

One day in mid-November I developed one of my stomach spasms.  Initially I thought that it was going to be like the stomach spasms before but soon I realized something was different with this one.  The pain become more intense centered on the stomach with additional tenderness to the right side as well.  Despite my attempts at relief I eventually had to go to the E.R. to get myself triaged.

My wife drove me the 30 minutes to the closest E.R. as we live out in the boonies. The emergency room physician was actually quite excellent, listened well, and went quickly to work.  Soon he had diagnosed me with acute pancreatitis in addition to dysfunctional gallbladder.  A subsequent CAT scan confirmed their suspicions. This resulted in an ambulance ride to a large medical center about and hour and a half from our home.

At the large medical center, I had an endoscopic retrograde cholangiopancreatography (ERCP for short) to place two stents, one in the pancreatic duct and the other in the biliary duct.  These stents would allow pancreatic enzymes and bile to pass into the intestine.  It would allow the pancreas to “cool down” before removing the gallbladder.  From all first appearances the procedure did its intended job and I was able to have a laparoscopic gallbladder removal two days later.  Subsequently, I was sent home to recover, where I thought that I would have a fairly normal recovery.  Or at least I thought that would be the case.

One of the complications of acute pancreatitis is a fairly rare but often deadly malady called necrotizing pancreatitis. Necrotizing pancreatitis is considered an extreme complication of acute pancreatitis where the pancreas has begun to ‘eat’ itself with the excessive enzymes that could not pass normally into the digestive tract.  The dead tissue is either then attacked by the immune system or becomes infected. This complication can occur weeks after an initial flair up of acute pancreatitis, and like I said before is considered rare and in some cases life-threatening.

To The Hospital, Again

Several days after I returned home I noticed that everything I was ingesting seemed like it was going nowhere.  Having gastroparesis this is not an uncommon feeling but, in this case, it got much worse and I started to become very uncomfortable and my belly distended.   I went to see my doctor who ordered an abdominal X-ray, followed by a CAT scan.  The results showed a swollen pancreas that was blocking the digestive tract, the doctor called in a large pseudocyst.  At this point they installed a lovely nasal gastric tube to suction the contents of my stomach.  Although the process was quite unpleasant, the relief was intense because they removed over 2 liters of fluid from my stomach. The relief was short lived however because I now had to face second ambulance ride to the large medical center.

The Bad News

Shortly after arriving at the large medical center I got settled into a room, my family arrived, and a team of doctors followed suit.  They were quite solemn when they told us the diagnosis, necrotizing pancreatitis.   The surgeons pulled no punches and told my wife and I that this condition can have a high mortality rate and the only treatment was immediate major abdominal surgery to remove the dead parts of the pancreas and control any infection.   After talking to my wife privately, we agreed to the surgery, which was scheduled for first thing the next morning.

The next morning, I was prepped for surgery.  My wonderful wife stayed awake texting and calling family and friends asking for prayers to be lifted up on my behalf.  I must admit, I was scared.  I knew that I should be trusting in God, but my human nature was currently winning the battle.   The time came for surgery and the main surgeon came in and told my wife that he would do the very best.  Another doctor who was also the hospitalist, or attending physician, said that he would pray for me.

The surgery lasted two and a half hours.   After that time the surgeon emerged and spoke with my wife and family.  He said that he had to remove a good portion of my pancreas (later we found out it was about 50 to 60%) but felt that he got all the dead tissue removed.  He said that only time will tell what happens next, that the hard part was now up to me.

A Struggle For Survival

The first week was touch and go.  Survival for me was from minute to minute.  I do not remember much of the first week due to the number of opioids I was being giving.  Unfortunately, my white count continued to climb for several days and a few of the doctors were preparing my family for the worse.  The doctors in the surgery team had varied opinions on my odds based on my particular case, but 50/50 was the best and one doctor said 10%.  I also found it torture, when you are that ill, to endure additional hospital procedures. I had to undergo several CAT scans to locate “pockets” of fluid collection that could be harboring infection. Each time the doctors located a suspected pocket of collection, I was taken to an interventional radiology (IR) lab for a drain to be placed and each trip to IR was a form of torment, from prepping through moving from gurney to gurney.   At one point I had a total of six tubes protruding from my abdomen (J Tube, G Tube, JP drain, and three IR drains).  These large medical centers run 24/7 so it was not uncommon to have procedures outside the ‘normal’ business hours.  For example,  I had one CAT scan at 11:00 PM at night that included a tube placement.

Everyday a group of surgeons would come into my room to give my family and update.  Like I said, the first week they were generally reserved but things started changing after that.  After the first week my white count slowly started to come down.  The surgeons told my wife that the pancreas could cause my other internal organs, kidneys, liver, etc.… to shut down, however that was not happening.   I was beginning, albeit very slowly, to get better, but the road ahead was going to be difficult.

As mentioned earlier, since Levaquin, I developed a moderate case of gastroparesis.  Unfortunately, severe pancreatitis can also cause or worsen gastroparesis.  In my case it made the situation much worse.  Basically, for the entire time I was in the hospital, thirty-seven days, I did not eat.  They tried me on tube feedings, but I was not tolerating the prepared formulation, and no wonder.  Most of the prepared formulations were loaded with soy, corn syrup, and other things that I avoided life the plague since floxing.

However, existence for me changed slowly as I struggled from minute to minute, then hour to hour, and finally day to day.  It was the most difficult month I have ever experienced. My family never left my bedside taking shifts.  My wife was there on her days off and some evenings.  If I had a procedure scheduled her boss would let her off work.  Every other time one of my adult children were there at my bedside.

Finally, they stopped trying to feed me with tube feedings and told me to try little bits of soft foods.   Let me tell you, if you do not eat for a long period of time, your digestive tract actually begins to atrophy.  Eating became painful as I had to relearn to eat again.

Unfortunately, I could feel myself getting weaker and weaker with each day.  I had a physical therapist tell me that you lose three days for every day in the hospital and it takes four days to regain one day after you return home, and that is for a normal person.   Either way,  after 37 days total in the hospital and a loss of over 30 pounds, I was looking at a protracted recovery time barring any unforeseen complications.  For a ‘normal’ person, recovery would be three to six months, but since floxing had altered my body extensively, recovery would be longer.

Despite the weakness and despite what was stacked against me, I was slowly healing.  After some time, the talk with the doctors started to change. Instead of mentioning more procedures they mentioned going home, or to a rehabilitation facility due to my weakened state.  I told them in no uncertain terms that I did not want to go to a rehabilitation facility since I had family that could attend to my needs.

Finally, that day did arrive.  My white count returned to normal, the doctors stopped my antibiotics, and I was allowed to go home.

Who Is This Man?

For over a month I never really looked at myself in the mirror.  When I got home I had the most stunning revelation of my ordeal.  Initially I could not walk by myself and needed help from my wife or adult son to get to the restroom, etc… One day, shortly after I arrived home, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror.  I went into shock and had to hold on to something to keep from falling.  There in the mirror stood a man I did not recognize.  He was an old shriveled up man that looked something akin to a concentration camp survivor.  To me, I looked like a skeleton with skin.  My cheekbones were prominent and my eyes sunken in.  My once robust arms and legs were thin and frail.  I thought back about the person I used to be, first before the pancreatitis and then before Levaquin; Back when I was a robust 6’ 4”, and weighed over 240 lbs., and would bicycle 10 miles daily and bench press 300 lbs.

I started to cry.  I had lost so much.  My wife put her arm around me and told me that she felt that I would recover from this, but it would take some time.  I had been spared for a reason.  Yes, it was true, defying statistical odds, I did survive, and this wasn’t the first time.  I will make a comeback but what lies ahead of me is a long road.

Rebuilding

I am dealing with what I would call a good case of PTSD, or at the very least hyper-vigilance, from my lengthy hospital experience. Physically, I have designed my own physical therapy regimen using valuable data from my doctors but still remembering that the medical field has no clue how to deal with FQ damage.  When I first came home I could not walk, nor could I barely lift my arms. I am now walking short distances plus some arm strength has returned. I am having troubles in both knees due to the loss of muscle mass.  Rebuilding lost muscle mass when floxed is a difficult challenge however I see a very wonderful orthopedic doctor who has identified the muscles that need to be strengthened. Currently I am in leg braces, and using his advice I am doing a home exercise regimen.

 My intestinal tract was literally destroyed by this.  I have developed a severe case of SIBO due to the fact that I had several lengthy courses of systemic antibiotics for the month I was in the hospital.  Afterwards, in an attempt to gain weight, my high caloric intake was a feast for certain bacteria. This is coupled with the fact that I have gastroparesis from the FQ’s and intestinal motility issues from the surgery and pancreatitis led to an inevitable SIBO.  My gastroenterologist has developed a plan to increase motility, knock down the SIBO, and start digestive enzymes.  I am slowly, very slowly, eating more and maintaining a stable weight which is good, but still not at the pace that I would like.  Soon, I will have my “j” tube and “G” tube removed, which is the remaining tubes that I have left, hoping my stomach will cooperate.

Despite several procedures that required general anesthesia my mind seems to be still intact, though some around me question that assumption.  I took a quality IQ test very recently that covers novel stimuli and I still scored in the mid 160’s, which was comparable to a couple years ago and a great relief to me, showing no signs of dementia, Alzheimer’s, etc.…  Subsequently, to continue to try and keep my mind as sharp as possible, I am using mental exercises and supplements to hopefully keep it in tip top shape.

I suffered from bad brain fog like so many floxies that was predominant in the early years of floxing but thankfully those days have passed although I still have the occasional senior moment that come with age. Mental exercise for me comes in the form of education.  I have taken extensive college courses throughout my life.  I am finishing my ThD in Theology thanks to the wonder of the Internet.   This shouldn’t take too long since I have many, if not most, of the requirements over with.

In a future article I will connect what happened with me yet again to the FQ’s; yes, it can be done because the FQ’s leave tiny metabolic breadcrumbs so to speak.  If you are reading this for the first time remember, the FQ’s are indiscriminate in their ability to damage the human body in numerous ways from metabolic to genetic.  No, I do not see the FQ’s under every rock, but for me they were the trigger, the difference between good health and bad. Some say that we are genetically predisposed.  While a portion of that statement may be true, the FQ’s have the ability to manipulate genetic data via epigenetic changes and direct DNA interaction. There are NO ways to determine who will have an adverse event to these drugs and there are NO ways to determine how severe or long lasting an adverse event will be.  The best defense is information, as often there is a safer alternative.  So, do yourself a favor, become informed.

Trigger Warning For those who are disappointed, enraged, or fall somewhere in-between when religion, faith, and Christianity are brought up, I recommend that you do not read any further.  The following section is unabashedly and unapologetically Christian. So, if you are stopping now, check back soon as I will be posting an interesting article called “Digging Deeper, Could Chronic FQAD Be Caused By Mitochondrial DNA Cross Linking?”

I consider myself an intellectual.  Not in a bragging, self-aggrandizing way but I am a very cerebral person.  What makes me a bit different is that I am a man of science and faith.  Like Francis S. Collins, a physician and the geneticist behind the Human Genome Project, and the director of the National Institutes of Health, I believe science and faith can actually be mutually enriching and complementary once their proper domains are understood and respected.

Against all odds I survived two STEMI heart attacks with no cardiac muscle damage.  I survived a case of necrotizing pancreatitis with a high chance of morbidity.  I have had several doctors in disparate fields tell me the same exact phrase, “somebody is looking out for you” as if sending me a message from above.  A man might take one occurrence as coincidence, but not defying death three times with doctors echoing the same message.   Even I am not that unwise. So, coincidence?  Certainly not.

I have been a Christian for many years, putting my faith in Jesus Christ when I was in my twenties.  Unfortunately, I still lived for myself and many, if not most, of the time I was in the driver’s seat of my life putting many things such as work, education, and other things ahead of God.  I worked in law enforcement that, for the most part, is pretty Godless and harsh. I committed many sins and at times used expletives like a barroom brawler, that would, in all outward appearances, not make me resemble a Christian at all.   Yet despite all that I never really gave up on God, and he certainly did not give up on me.

What now?  Well first, I am still trying to get a clear picture of what He wants from me which, I admit, has been quite difficult.  I must admit that in the past I have terrible at trying to get a clear picture at what God wants me to do.  Often, I have, unfortunately, like ancient Israel become impatient and done things my own way.  So, I am trying to listen better and determine what God’s plans are.  One thing I have learned that I need to rely less on my intellectual side and more on a devotional relationship with Jesus Christ.

Currently, the days are filled with working on my physical recovery, learning, and spending time with my beloved family.  Like I said in the beginning of this article, I have been absent a lot from my floxy friends but hope to return in a limited capacity soon.  Finally, God who despite my best efforts at being a marginal Christian, has not given up on me and has convinced me he has some grander purpose in store.

For those of you that have made it this far, I want you to know one thing, God does not abandon his children. For those struggling, he does not promise us a life free from pain and suffering.  Unfortunately, those things happen as a result of the fallen world in which we live.  Instead, God promises to help us through our struggles.  It may be hard to understand, especially when you are going through the dark night of the soul and invaded with despair.  I still have times that I struggle with and ask the difficult ‘why’ questions and only God is qualified to answer them, through his word, prayer, and through those he puts close to us.

I will close with a quote from one of my favorite authors, C.S. Lewis “God allows us to experience the low points of life in order to teach us lessons that we could learn in no other way.”

P.S. I will return with a new article “Digging Deeper, Could Chronic FQAD Be Caused By Mitochondrial DNA Cross Linking?” coming soon.

[meghanamohan]

A solo traveler once said, that an adventure may be worn as a muddy spot or it may be worn as a proud insignia. It is the woman wearing it who makes it the one thing or the other. What do you think?

We all have that one passion in varying degrees that makes us more than just live by making us feel alive. For me that passion is exploring places both on the surface and under the sea and capturing moments on my camera.

Here is one of my experience when things got just too real and a wish of mine came face to face with the world the way it is and not the way I imagined it to be.

When I was off to the Andamans for my deep diving certification in April 2016,  I had managed to board the flight when it was just about to take off in 15 mins.. So much movie like drama at the airport and I was not going in for the same drama this time around. So, catching every drop of hope and befuddled by uncertainty I started my journey from Bangalore at 04:00 AM on the 29th of September 2016.. The cab I had booked the previous night didn’t turn up! I was stranded already and such was the start.. While I took another cab and head to the airport, I promised myself that whatever happens, I will take complete responsibility of it and will have no regrets what so ever!

My city was waking up and I was taking off against the wind, literally.. Hoping I would come back to the city that I call home.

As I settled down on my plane seat, a million thoughts were loosing track in my head while I was holding on to the seat belt and looking away from the people in the flight, gazing into the clouds.. The clouds somehow have the flair to hold my attention longer. We share a certain bond or maybe it’s just because that’s what my name means – Clouds. Whatever it is thank you for keeping me company dearest clouds.

I landed in Port Blair after a long layover in Chennai, to be greeted by the rains.. and all that I wanted to tell the rains was, *“Rains.. as much as I love you.. not today.. just not today and for the next few days.. please don’t rain on my parade to my Indira Point”* But then, all these thoughts went in vain! It poured cats and dogs the same evening and the next day too!!

In the mean time I managed to rush to the government office for my chopper tickets the same evening.. It was a little difficult for me to explain why I wanted that chopper ticket that bad.. I mean I really didn’t know how to explain this.. I was planning this for over a year now.. The insane number of phone calls that  had to be made every other day to the protocol office on every other number I could get.. I was told, “Ma’m, we won’t be able to help much unless you are here in person”  So.. there I was!

To my surprise, the officials there were very helpful.. they took notice of how eager I was of getting that that chopper ticket.. They said that the weather wasn’t good and the chopper for that day was cancelled in the morning and don’t think the chopper could fly the next day too.. Well, my heart sank.. right there! I mean.. no way!

I obviously had no chance for the 30th September’s chopper as it was really late in the evening and my only hope was the chopper on the 01st October as they don’t fly on Sundays.. 

The officials said that I can apply for the 03rd October’s ticket and they will see if it could be accommodated subject to availability of seats.. and I go.. Thank you so very much for considering my request.. but I honestly don’t have that kind of time, my return flight is on the 05th and I have to be on that chopper on the 01st October 2016.. What on earth was I supposed to do now.. :-/

Woke up at around 3:30 AM the next morning, it was still raining and I just couldn’t go back to sleep.. I whiled away time by reading and thinking.. thinking a lot!

Got ready and reached the Secretariat by 11:00 AM.. the same response.. “Ma’m please apply for the 03rd October’s ticket”  and I wasn’t sure what to do.. All I knew was that there was no way I was getting back without my chopper ticket that day..  One of the officials, suggested that I can try talking to Rashmi Ma’m about it. And the next thing I know is that I was waiting outside her cabin without an appointment.. Her secretary took my visiting card inside and asked me to wait for sometime..

This was my only chance.. I could either make it or break it. Her secretary’s words still rings in my head “You can go meet her” she had said.. Gathered all my strength and knocked on the door and was pleasantly surprised to be greeted by Rashmi Mam’s warm smile.  There was a pile of files on her table and I could see how occupied she was and yet she was kind enough to hear me out and I could sense that she somewhere understood where I was coming from.. This conversation will be cherished for long and it was an honour to meet a woman of her caliber.

 The Chatham chase..

  While I was walking down the Chatham Bridge in Port Blair, at around 06:30 in the evening and just when I was trying to catch a breath after being chased by two street dogs is when I get this call.. saying that my tickets are confirmed for the next morning..

I stood still, almost frozen not knowing how to react! This call will go down as one of the most consequential phone calls of my life.

I didn’t need an alarm that morning.. was up by 4:00 AM.. My first thought that morning.. “Just hope it’s not raining..” and the first thing I did even before I could open my eyes was reach out to the curtains.. As I drew the curtains, see that it wasn’t raining.. it was a pouring!! damn! How would the chopper fly in such horrible weather.. can’t tell how terrible it felt.. curled up in bed for a while, took a long shower and slipped into one of my favorite khaki shorts and a navy blue top and checked out of the hotel.

6:20 AM, 01st October, 2016 at the helipad and it was still raining..  I was going a little blank by now.. The chopper was cancelled on the previous two days and I could hear people murmuring about how they had waited the previous two days and the chopper hadn’t taken off..

This was my first ever chopper ride and I was extremely nervous about it.. First, wasn’t even sure if the chopper would take off that morning.. Second, how bad could a 3 and a half hour chopper ride with bad viz get.. well.. :-/ and apparently one could carry only 5 kilos of baggage in the chopper and I had 12.5 kilos! I had no clue about t 5 kilo restriction.. Damn.. extra 7.5 kilos! Where would I leave it.. the officials were very strict about it and said that I can carry only 5 kilos and no extra weight will be allowed, especially because of the bad weather.. So, had no choice but to leave it all at the Helipad office and hope to find my things when I get back.. 

So now, Ticket payment – check! Baggage weight – sorted! My weight – weighed! Security check – done! Boarding pass – check! All sorts of thoughts – Check! and all set for my 3 and a half hour Dauphin N3 ride, if at all we flew that day..

I could see the officials and the pilots converse at the far end alongside the orange and white Pawan Hans chopper.. The rains sort of subsided.. but it was still drizzling and everyone in the room had just one question! “Will we fly today?”… to which the officials kept saying.. “Can’t say..” ..which was fair, considering the weather.

After a while, the officials hurried to us and said, “Get ready, and start boarding!” The atmosphere in the room lit up like a fire cracker! Phew!  I couldn’t contain myself and spontaneously hugged my fellow traveler in joy and almost cried.. She held me tight, smiled and wished me luck.. She was a government officer who worked in Car Nicobar..

So, it was eight of us along with the pilot and the co-pilot on board.. One of the passenger was a patient, who had survived a road accident, he and his father were getting back to Car Nicobar, which was my pit stop. The chopper started picking up speed and even before we knew the clouds had gathered us. The lady who was sitting next to me very sweetly checked on my seat belt and offered me some cotton to plug into my ears to ease the whirring sound of the chopper.

We stopped at Car Nicobar and six out of eight passengers got off. So we were left with a government official I am guessing, the pilots and I. The ride was a surely a turbulent one but the blue and green chemistry that I could see from up there made it up for it. Just couldn’t take my eyes off it.. the blue ocean and the green islands..

Finally! the gorgeous runway of Cambell Bay! this was actually happening..

As soon as I land..  woah! two lady police officers along with a bunch of people gathered around me.. Two of them were there to collect envelopes from me that their colleagues/relatives had sent from Port Blair.. I forgot which pocket I had slipped those envelopes into looking at the way people had gathered!

It took a while for me to figure out the guest house and settle down. I hadn’t informed my folks that I had reached safely, how would I.. There was absolutely no network, and the landline of the guesthouse was dead. Somehow managed to make a call and inform my folks that I was safe.. It was a big relief.

All I had was roughly two and a half days there and I could afford to fall asleep, so took a quick nap after lunch and headed out with my sweetheart – my camera.

There was absolute silence everywhere and amidst the dense green forest and the enraged blue ocean lies this placid village called Campbell Bay in the Great Nicobar Island – a vicinage worth taking a plunge.. 

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The tropical forests so mystical and the lovely orchids like little ornaments adorned the lush dynasty..  

Everything around was so raw and rustic and that sort of remoteness was very fascinating.. Felt like a Natgeo explorer except for exploring nothing in particular.. Spotted a few ‘non-vegetarian monkeys’ too, who apparently eat the giant robber crabs in the forest.. Had never heard of such monkeys before and it took a while for me to believe it..  the crab eating macaque, as they are called.

The Mangroove forests couldn’t get groovier with the salt water crocodile sign boards all over which creeped me out for a bit.. So much so that they crawled around in my dreams as much! 

  And then came the fireflies! It was like a twilight firefly party that i gate crashed into! so many of them and all over the place! I could sit and watch that kind of bio luminescence all night long.. the mystical land came alive like some magic dust was being sprinkled all over the tree ferns! oh what a mirage that sight created.. Loved every bit of that vivid moment and would love to go back again

I was back from the mystical tour and had to follow up and sort out a boat and a team of fishermen who could take me to Indira Point the next morning.. as early as possible. Nobody seemed to be available to begin with but later somehow by around 09:00 PM , had it all figured and was supposed to leave by 05:00 am the next morning.. This was a big relief..

I got back to the guesthouse but couldn’t wait to finish dinner and get out again.. for the gorgeous star lit sky! The starry sky was an absolute delight that I had to capture it but didn’t have my tripod with me.. Tried a couple of hacks and managed to get one of my favorite starry night photograph by far.. 

Had to call it a day and get few hours of sleep.. I don’t even remember how many alarms were fixed that night! Falling asleep and not making it on time would be like a day dream turning into a nightmare! 

Managed to wake up by around 03:00 AM as I had to reach the Jetty by 05:00 AM, so left the guest house by 4:00 AM and was walking around taking photographs, it was still very magical and difficult to believe that I was actually there – walking the deserted streets of Campbell Bay by myself! While walking up to the Jetty, I see this cow.. there was something strange about it, it was walking straight towards me.. turn back and there was nobody! It was actually walking towards me and it came really close even before I could realize! It was charging at my dry sack bag.. I couldn’t understand what was happening, it was just too quick to register.. The temple priest nearby heard me scream and came to my rescue and got back my dry sack for me.. The cow seemed so harmless and I am still wondering what happened! Phew! and October 02nd 2016 started that way..

Just reached the entrance of the Jetty by around 05:15 AM and it started raining, out of nowhere! I mean.. why!!? It just wouldn’t stop, and my boat was not to be seen.. 

A lady who was collecting cowdung nearby came to me and asked me to stand under the tree with her until it stopped raining. She actually stood with me until the rains subsided. After she walked away and it started pouring again. She came back to me and very sweetly said that she lives close by and invited me home until it stopped raining but as I didn’t want to miss my boat so excused myself and stood under the tree. The rains got heavier and as I stood wondering what to do I saw Mr. Murugan walking with an umbrella towards me. He walked me to the stadium across the street. We were standing there waiting for the boat guys to call up when suddenly I see the same lady coming back with an umbrella looking for me!  She spotted me standing in the stadium and said that she felt bad that I was alone and getting drenched in the rain so she came back looking for me to offer me an umbrella. I can’t imagine someone doing that back in the cities.

This was just one of the random act of kindness that the people of Campbell Bay bestowed on me and this made me feel truly blessed..  

And in the meantime my boat and the fishermen were still not be seen, apparently the third fisherman was absconding and they were all looking for me. He was supposed to be the guide.. They said in their local accent that he is not to be seen, apparently he got drunk the previous night and nobody knew where he was.. And I went into my panic mode, hundreds of thoughts on my mind in a split second. Hope he is fine and now I don’t have a guide to walk for 24 kms back and forth in the jungle, there were crocodiles and pythons and god knows what not!

We had to come up with a backup plan, they said that can still go if I am okay going without a guide. There was no time to think as much.. I see the boat and two fishermen in front of me and vague images of Indira Point in my heart… and.. decided! Cant back off now, no way! let’s just head straight to the light house, regardless of whatever happens. They said that they will go provided I don’t jump off the boat and swim to the lighthouse.. We will go, see the light house as close as possible and get back. So, that was the plan.

Said a little prayer and set sail..

The weather just didn’t seem to get better. The monsoon rains and the strong wind was maddening! We were headed against the wind, which made the ride even more horrifying. Besides, it was a fishing boat with no shelter. To top it all, I was sitting right next to the double engine and after listening to the deafening noise for six hours straight, it took me another six hours to get that noise out of my head! 

the six hour boat ride..

The waves seemed to grow in all shapes and sizes.. the boat was loosing control and was tossed in all possible directions.. and the life jackets were not to be seen.. If not for the dry sack, my camera and phone wouldn’t have survived .. This was by far the scariest boat ride ever..

At one point the fishermen asked me if I want to go back.. wait, what? go back? no way! absolutely not! 

After about three hours of sailing, holding my life in my hands I was finally in front of my beloved Indira Point Light House – No amount of rain, sailing against the wind, the third fisherman absconding, the loose screw of the engine, the fierce ocean, six hour boat ride, the deafening noise of the double engine, fear of the unknown, being chased by dogs, being charged by a cow, feet gone numb, all the permissions that i had to take, all the officials i had to meet, the turbulent chopper ride, being creeped out by crocodiles, not being reachable by family and friends… Nothing, absolutely nothing could stop me from being there at that place on that very day.

Indira Point Lighthouse

Will never forget that moment when I closed my eyes in the pouring rain, in the middle of the ocean and hoped that I wasn’t dreaming. Find it difficult to believe that I was actually there – right in front of the legendary lighthouse which felt like it looked straight at me and said, “Meghana, glad to see you here and I knew you would come..”   *Sigh.. happy tears, holding on to my camera*

Those waves..

It took another three hours to get back.. Getting back was comparatively less insane, we did get see a dash of  sunshine on our way back. The fierce ocean, that insane wind and rain had made the six hour simple boat ride a rather daunting task.. *phew!*

Co-Incidentally, 18th of October, the day when Pygmalion Point was renamed to Indira Point happens to be my birthday too and this was my birthday gift to me. 

I share a special love for lighthouses because of the way they stand tall and lead the light unnerved by the circumstances. My love for lighthouses goes way back to when I was in school. The lighthouse was the emblem of my school with ‘lead kindly light’ written on it; a badge that we wore proudly on our chest. Having grown up in a coastal town called Karwar, the ocean and lighthouses are something that I deeply connect with and gather my strength from. So well, my love for lighthouses is beyond explanation and this fueled my determination to witness the legend called Indira Point on my own, all by myself.

While it is not a problem for Indians to visit Campbell Bay but it is still not easy to undertake a journey to such a remote corner of my country. Telephone connectivity is still next to nothing there with only BSNL working scarcely.

It takes time and persistence to go all the way, not to forget the connectivity issues and hence I must have been easily branded as some sort of a crazy person or someone with a hidden intention.. So much so, that I was interrogated by the officials of the Investigation Bureau on my arrival in Campbell Bay and by the officials of coast guard on the day of my departure! I was taken a back with the interrogation and will need some more time to get over it, even more so because I wanted to join the defence and serve the nation, but couldn’t make it due to some reasons.

Just because someone travels alone to a remote location, doesn’t mean that they have a hidden agenda around it or they are some sort of a spy or a terrorist.. I was being referred to as ‘that girl in yellow dress, with a camera’..

Sometimes, we are just passionate about certain things we do and the way we want to live our lives and can’t explain reasons for the things we do. We have nothing to prove to the world, it’s just a way of life, nothing more, nothing less. And this I say on behalf of all my fellow solo travellers.

Having said that, I see from where the officials were coming too, especially with our country’s then situation. They were doing their duty and rather well and I wasn’t mistreated during the interrogation.  

Campbell Bay is full of interesting stories.. was randomly talking to two security officials of the guest house that i stayed in about their life experiences with the Jarawa tribe and a plantation drive at Indira Point.. It was just amazing to sit and listen to how one of them was invited to a Jarawa hut and the other official took pride in telling me that he had climbed the Indira Point Lighthouse and had planted saplings about 35 odd years ago.. and the happiness on his face while he was talking about it was worth going ‘aawww..’ 

I also happened to meet this bunch of enthusiastic kids who play football in the stadium at 04:00 am everyday. Manu and team as i called them, wanted me to take pictures of theirs, and since i had to rush, promised to meet them the next day.. same time – same place.  I was pleasantly surprised by their punctuality. It was a delight taking pictures of these kids.. Now i ask them, how do i share the pictures with you guys..? Do i print and post them? and one of them instantly says “Didi, you can whatsapp it to me!” and i go.. of course!

I stayed in the Andaman and Nicobar for seven days and  Campbell Bay for about two and a half days and it turned out to be once in a lifetime sort of an experience and will always stay thankful to everyone who were immensely supportive in this journey of mine.

Campbell Bay and Indira Point – You have left me mesmerized and I am smitten for life! hope to come back with another adventure! until then, much love to you.

Thank you for this amazing experience of a lifetime!

Cheers!

Meghana

                              Solo Tripping to the Southernmost Tip of India – Indira Point A solo traveler once said, that an adventure may be worn as a muddy spot or it may be worn as a proud insignia.