#and then THE most self-depricating “think he means US boys?” | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

ibuki-loves-you · 4 years ago

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SDR2 boys with an S/O who is like Mikan

Warnings: Mikan's personality/actions

Mod Ibuki: Back at it again with the Mikan series! I had absolutely no idea what to put for Nekomaru and Imposter Twogami, so please let me know if you want them I'll try to add them. Thanks for the overwhelming support, means so much! More to come, enjoy!

Hajime:

Instant protectivity

No fucking joke

As soon as you met, he was by your side 24/7 making sure no one bothered you

If anyone ever made fun of you, mean Hajime commence

"What did you just say? Do you know how rude that is? Back off, and don't come back. Don't let me hear you say that again."

If you ever took a fall in front of him, suggestive or not he'd pull you to him as soon as possible

"Shh, shh, it's okay. It's okay, don't worry. It was an accident, don't worry."

He found that petting your hair calms you down very quickly so he does that very often

If you ever offered to take your clothes off for him, he'd be opposed the minute the words came out of your mouth

"No, no no no. No, S/O. I don't need to have sex just because I'm in a mood. That's taking advantage of you, and I'd never do that. I love you, alright? Please don't offer that to me unless you yourself want it."

The one time you thought he was angry with you, he got very upset

"S/O, baby, no. I'm not angry with you, the others were just annoying me a bit. If anything, I'm a lot happier now that I'm with you." "R-Really?" "Yeah! I get so happy around you. I love you." "I-I love you t-too, hehe!"

Overall, Hajime is very protective and loves you very very much

He won't let anything happen to you

Nagito:

Nagito adored you the minute you met

Although he felt as if it was selfish, he wanted to be around you at all times

He just wanted to protect you

If anyone ever made fun of you, he'd scare them

No joke, Nagito can be very intimidating when he wants to be

"Hey, S/O! Get on all fours and bark like a dog!" "O-Okay..." "S/O, please don't. You don't have to do anything. As for you, you really must be pathetic. I'm gonna assume you're talentless. How worthless."

If you ever offered to take off your clothes for Nagito, he'd cry on the spot

"M-My hope, y-you don't have to do that just to make me happy! I-I don't want that! I'd much rather have a conversation than sex, especially because it's only to p-please me. P-Please don't offer yourself to me unless you w-want to do it with trash like myself..."

Nagito's self deprication would go through the roof if you thought he was mad at you

"W-What!? God I really am the worst, aren't I? I made you think I was angry with you! A-Angel! I promise, I am not mad at you! I-I don't think I have the ability to be mad at you! P-Please, don't ever think that. Never."

If you fell in front of him, he'd be very fast to pick you up, albeit with a red face

He never wants you to feel exposed or embarrassed

"Love, it was an accident. Please don't cry, it's okay."

Nagito would go to hell and back for you I swear

Kazuichi:

When Kaz first saw you, he was immediately attracted to you

Of course, when he got to know you he was concerned

Why were you so shy?

He stayed by you a lot to make sure you were alright

If someone started making fun of you, he'd immediately start screaming

"Hey!!! What's wrong with you!?! Leave them alone or else!!"

Sometimes it works sometimes it gets him laughed at

But it's the effort that counts

If you ever offered to take your clothes off for him, he'd get really confused

Like we're you asking for sex?

But then it clicked that you were trying to make him happy

"S/O, no. Never. Don't ever offer to do that for me because you think I want it. I don't! If you're gonna offer that, offer it because you want it!"

If you thought Kaz was mad at you, poor boy would be very confused again

"M-Mad? S/O I could never! Babe, I'm not mad. I can promise you that. Never ever! Never in a million years! How could I get mad at such a cute face?"

If you ever took a fall in front of him, he'd try to catch you but probably fail

Whether you fell in a suggestive position or not, he'll scream and squeeze you into his chest after the fall

"I got you, S/O! Don't worry!"

Kaz will protect and attack anyone who dares hurt you

Fuyuhiko:

Fuyuhiko got annoyed at first

He was very conflicted

Peko pointed out that he most likely had feelings for you

Ah, so that's why he felt those protective urges

If anyone ever made fun of you, Atua only knows if they made it out alive

"The fuck you just say!? You better take it back, bitch/bastard!! I'll fuckin' kill you!"

He definitely sent Peko on them after

If you ever took a fall in front of him, most of the time he'd catch you because he has fast reflexes

But if he didn't then he'd help you up as soon as you hit the floor

"S/O! You alright? How the hell did you manage that? C'mon, baby it's okay..."

If you ever thought he was mad at you, he'd blow up at himself

"I'm a fucking dumbass! God dammit! S/O, n-no, I'm sorry I didn't mean to scare you. Shit. I'm mad at myself, baby. I-I never want you to think I'm mad at you, because I'm not. That bitch Hiyoko pissed me off again, not you. I-I'm sorry I made you think that."

You offered to take your clothes off for him one time and one time only

He shut it down quick

"No, S/O. Don't offer that. Please don't, just don't. That's your body, and it's beautiful. It shouldn't be shown so easily. I love you so fuckin' much, and that's because of you, not your body. That won't please me, you yourself will."

Let him protect you, Fuyuhiko will never let anyone hurt you, ever

Gundham:

You were an interesting mortal

You managed to attract the dark lord to you with a mere look?

Impossible!

Gundham was around you very often

And if he wasn't one or more of his devas were

They loved you

People usually don't make fun of you

The way he carries himself keeps people away from you

If anyone ever tried to make fun of you (which is rare, Gundham is very intimidating even when he doesn't try), he would flip the fuck out

"Pardon!?! How dare you say such a thing to a wonderful person as themselves!? Must I harm you!? Fiend!!"

If you ever took a fall in front of him, he would try to catch you but would be too late

"H-Huh!? I-I'm sorry, my love. D-Don't fret, it is alright. It was an accident, d-don't cry..."

His personality gets so soft around you it's amazing

If you ever offered to take your clothes off for him, he'd freak out

"M-My love!? No, my dear. Your body is not what I wish when I'm in a foul mood. I wish for you and your comfort. Your body is far to beautiful to be shown to the eyes of others so willingly. Pick carefully who sees such a blessing sight."

If you ever thought Gundham was mad at you, he'd instantly try to soothe you

"Dearest, I may have a devilish temper, but never would it be caused by you. You are precious, far too much so for me to be angry at. I love you with all my heart, my dear. Please don't forget that."

Bless this boy <3

Izuru:

Izuru found you interesting

The minute he realized he wasn't bored by you, he was around you like a lost puppy

Your safety was his number one priority

If anyone ever tried to make fun of you, keyword tried, they'd have to be pretty bold

Izuru is fucking scary

"S/O~Can I have a little private show? It'd make me very happy~" "Repeat yourself." "..." "Go on. What's wrong?" "..." "That's what I thought. I ever catch you near them again and I will be sure to end your worthless existence."

Okay, you would never fall in front of him

He knows when it's gonna happen, so he literally always catches you

And when he does he knows you're embarrassed, so he pulls you to his chest and plays with your hair

"No need to be embarrassed, S/O. It's normal to fall. It is alright."

If you ever thought he was mad at you, he'd be a little upset actually

"I can assure you, I am not angry. I am actually a little upset right now. Weird..." "I-I'm s-sorry! I-I can't do anything r-right!" "I have never felt this before, so thank you. You can do no wrong, love. I promise. I barely get angry, let alone at you...I love you." "R-Really?" "Of course." "I-I love you m-more! Hehe!" "Impossible."

If you ever offered to take your clothes off for him he'd immediately deny you

"If we are going to do something so intimate I want it to be because both of us want to. Not because one wants to please the other. I don't need pleasing, having you in my presence is enough to make me feel, uhm, bubbly? I believe happiness. So, happy. Come here, I believe affection is needed here. I would like to hold you."

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safetycar-restart · 3 years ago

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helloooo lemon here! I bring the long promised seb+praise ask (this is a 2.0 version bc my browser flaked out right before i pressed send and gobbled up over an hour of work the first time around so. yeah :) a little bit sad in the middle about that but alas. gotta learn to make those back-ups at some point ig. i tried to restore it as best as i could)

anyway, you said seb would love to talk and joke during the scenes, which 1. YES! and 2. i feel like he’d be such a little shit about it?

i don't really know how to put it but he’s just so stubborn? or maybe competitive is a better word, bc he isn't trying to undermine you or anything, but everything is a competition with himself, or maybe his own body: how long can he take your teasing before his knees give out? before his voice cracks? before he’s ready to admit out loud that he is completely, thoroughly gone for you?

and of course there would be days--softer, quieter days when he doesn't want to put up a fight even if it's just for fun, just wants to sink into what he has with you and feel, but most days he’d be hissing and trembling from every touch, flushed all the way up to his ears, rubbing his thighs together to ease off at least a tiny bit of tension, and still look at you with a cheeky grin, insisting that he’s completely fine and unbothered.

i also think that his preferred method of keeping himself together would be playful banter that consists mostly of bad puns? like you’d say something carelessly phrased like, is this too hard? and even before you finished speaking you know you miscalculated bc he has this shit-eating grin on and says, nope, but something else is ;-)

and this is where we come to praise, because there is one thing that he is completely defenceless against, and it’s a downpour of praise. i mean, of course you praise him during the scenes, tell him what a good boy he is and how well he is taking it and watch him get adorably flustered, but you keep it relatively sparse, because whenever you dial it up he just… he just starts to fall apart at the seams, and it’s not something you can do to him every day.

so whenever you think it would do him good if you take him apart properly, you would say something really really simple, like tell him how gorgeous he is, and he would swallow and look at you with this soft and sort of wondering expression, because he knows immediately what you’re up to, and because you both know he will almost certainly end up in tears by the end of it. this is also his last chance to back out of it if he seriously doesn't want to do this right now, because in ten minutes tops he will be too far gone to say anything.

so he gives you this unsure smile that is already a little bit wobbly and counters the praise with something jokingly self-depricating like if you like this sort of thing, but it lacks the usual bite and you know that he’d only be able to deflect the next two, maybe three complements before his voice disappears and he will only be able to look at you with those big soft eyes, completely enamoured and just a little bit disbelieving, because even though you’ve been together for quite some time it still doesn’t completely register for him just how much you love him, cherish him, how precious he is to you.

you don’t use anything else on him because he wouldn’t be able to handle anything else, not with how your voice and words crack him open, leave him defenceless and tender and delicate, able to only lie there and take it while you’re laying next to him, slowly stroking him, kissing his face gently from time to time when his body starts to tremble uncontrollably just from how much it all is. you can’t even restrain him because he would need to hold onto you at some point, but he will grab the edge of the mattress behind his head and hold onto it for as long as he can if you ask him to.

maybe this is when you peg him? you don't do this very often--you can’t do much else while you’re at it and it feels like he doesn’t get enough of you to seb, but right now you’re everywhere, all his senses are filled with you, so it feels just right, like you two are fusing together completely, like you can finally reach inside of him, to the deepest, darkest parts of him and caress them, console them, assure them that they’re seen and loved, too. you’d get a pillow under his hips and he’d wrap his arms and legs around you, holding so tight you can barely move, making shallow, gentle trusts until he is shuddering and sobbing and cumming untouched under you.

he’d whimper softly and cling to you if you try to move away to clean him up, so you stay with him for as long as it takes, holding him close and wondering how on earth can he still not know what an absolute treasure he is.

- Lemon 💜🍋

Okay so I am so confused because I thought I answered this? I typed out a full answer to this and posted it last night? And yet somehow, this ask is STILL in my ask box and wasn't posted. So I have no idea what happened but uh... take two I guess?

This ask is fucking brilliant. Lemon really just came in here and wrote a wholeass masterpiece and then run out huh? This is so fucking good. I highly doubt that I could make this any better, but I will babble a bit anyway just because it's so good.

So firstly, Sebastian absolutely would be a little shit with his jokes, and I think that's mostly because he can? With previous Doms, he was always punished whenever he spoke without permission, even if what he was saying wasn't even bad? Like, he just calls his Dom pretty but then gets punished for talking without permission.

And I actually think his spirit was pretty much broken when he found you? Because he could no longer do the thing he loved: make the scene fun and safe and form a connection between each other.

But then when he realises you wont punish him for just talking to you, he basically comes alive again? He pretty much becomes a whole new person in scenes, because he's just so happy! He can be himself again!!!

So yeah, he's going to be a little shit about it.

I love the idea that he might use his comments as a way of protecting himself. The interesting thing though, is that he uses this protection when you praise him?

The first few times, you dont push him on it, because you can tell that he might breakdown if you do. But you will push it when you want him to fall apart.

I think that praise leaves seb a special kind of vulnerable, where he's shivering and splayed open for you, tears welling in his eyes that never fall until the scene is actually finished.

And I definitely agree that once you reach that point, it's best not to use any toys or rope anymore. Seb gets very sensitive then, but also physically sensitive?

The rope you had restrained him in earlier begins to feel tight and scratchy and he wants to be free of it, wants to be able to throw himself in your arms and cling to you.

And then you just do the softest scene with him, which ruins him far more than any intense kinks could. I think what would absolute wreck him, is when you let him hold your hand?

Like, you see how seb is gripping the bed, hand shaking from the force of it. And so you wrap your hand around his wrist, gently moving his hand from the bed and then letting him hold it.

He grips your hand so tightly, whining as you slowly take him apart.

#sub!sebastian #nsfw.#gn!reader #🍋

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stoney-siren · 4 years ago

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May I Have This Dance? PART 1 (Sal Fisher x Gender Nuetral!Reader)

I decided to stray a bit from my usual AOT content and give some attention to the other fandoms I’m in, like Sally Face! :)

Summary: Senior year at Nockfell High is coming to an end, which means prom night it coming up soon. Although usually Sal Fisher is not one for high school get-togethers, he’s been wanting to ask (Y/N) to the dance, though it’s not as easy as most people make it seem. He just doesn’t know how to ask them.

This is the first part, I plan on there being two parts to this fanfic, possibly three.

TW: Swearing, possible mentions of drug use, slight angst?

“Bullshit!” Larry burst into laughter, throwing his head back as he held his stomach. His rather embarrassed friend tensed up at his reaction. “You wanna ask (Y/N) to prom?” He continued to giggle, as his fit of laughter died down.

“Can you try and be quiet? What if your mom hears.. She’s gonna never let it down!” Sal tugged at his pigtails out of nervousness, pacing around the room.

“Come on, who cares? You should ask them!” The taller boy encouraged as he shut the door to his bedroom, turning his attention back to his blue haired buddy.

If only it was that easy, Sal wanted to say, but he just knew Larry would shoot back with something irritating and snarky. So instead, Sal fell back onto one of Larrys beanbags and let out a loud and irritated sigh. His friend soon followed persuit, jumping onto the beanbag that sat beside Sals.

“I just.. Cant. Who would wanna spend prom night with somebody like me anyways?” His self deprication captured Larrys attention faster than the reaction of a mouse on a mouse trap.

“Oh don’t give me that shit Sally dude! Anybody would be lucky to have you, everyone knows it too! You’re caring and funny, quick witted and honestly just somebody everyone wants to have by their side!” Larry exlaimed, though his words fell upon deaf ears.

Sal was too busy just day dreaming about (Y/N), he admired everything about them, the way they laughed, the color of their beautiful eyes, and the pure look of joy that washes over their face whenever he lets them paint his nails or put stickers on his prosthetic.

“Sal? Sally Face! You listening?” Larry called out, finally getting Sals attention.

“Oh, shit, sorry.. No, I’m not.” Sal shook his head and grabbed ahold of his pigtails again, glancing down at the floor and sighing.

Larry hated seeing his friend like this, he was aware of how low Sals confidence could be sometimes, but he’d never dare to point it out in fear of upsetting him or making things worse. He wished he could show Sal what all their friends and himself thought of him, then maybe he’d see himself in a brighter light.

“I think you should head back upstairs and get some rest now, I’ll see you at school tomorrow, alright?” Larry gave Sal a light punch on the shoulder before standing up and walking to the door with him.

“Yeah, alright. See you tomorrow Larry Face.” With that, he shut the door behind himself and headed to the elevator, pausing at the second floor button, thinking of (Y/N) before hitting the fourth floor button.

Your POV

You laid in your bed peacefully, staring up at the ceiling as the light from your lava lamp illuminated the room. The light was your favorite color, lighting up the side of your face as your thoughts raced for the future. Usually on a Sunday night, you’d play your music so loud that Todd would come over from his apartment and tell you to keep it down, but so many things were on your mind that you just didn’t have the energy to start a little fight with Todd.

“Maybe I’ll talk to Ash about it, she always has good advice.” You mumbled as you turned and killed your lava lamps energy. You have had a crush on Sal Fisher since Sophomore year, but you never got the chance to talk about it with him or anyone for that matter.

Letting out a final sigh, you shut your eyes and melted into a world of memories and dreams.

“(Y/N)! Get up dear! You’re gonna be late for school if you don’t!” Your mother called from outside your room, this was how you usually woke up before school. She would always pretend to be in a panic, and tell you that you’re late to try and get you out of bed sooner, though sometimes her act would be real. That’s why you always check the clock in your room to see if she was lying or not.

“It’s 7:30, mom.” You mumbled as you pushed the blankets off yourself, Todd probably wasn’t even here yet to walk with you to school. Since you two both lived on the second floor, you guys have walked to school together since the first day of Freshmen year, then Larry, Ash, and Sal came into the picture and you guys became a team.

“Still, get up!” She called, her voice sounded more further away this time. You knew she wasn’t gonna stop pestering you until you got up. So while pushing the covers off your body, you got to your feet and picked out and outfit for today.

After breakfast, you brushed your teeth just as you heard a knock at the door, and your mom open the door to greet Todd.

“Hi Mrs. (L/N), is (Y/N) ready?” His voice grew louder as you stepped closer to the door and stopped next to your mom.

“Hey Todd, I’m ready!” Giving him a smile, he returned it as he lead you down the hallway and to the elevator. He hit the button as he attempted to make conversation with you.

“So how have your grades been? Excited for the end of the year?” He turned his head to make eye contact with you.

“Yeah I guess, I’m still not completely sure what I want to do once I graduate, but I know I’ll have you and everybody else to go to for support.” You responded in a tired tone, still a bit dazed from just waking up only 10 minutes ago. Todd nodded at your response as the elevator chimed.

The two metal doors slid open to reveal Sal and Larry standing on the other side, they looked ready for school just as much as you and Todd.

“Oh hey!” Larry called, “You two look like shit!” He laughed, Todd grimaced in annoyance while you just rubbed one of your eyes, trying to wake up.

“Yeah well your eyebags got eyebags and I’m sure Sals looking more than tired under that prosthetic.” Todd shot back as he stepped into the elevator, you supposed everyone was up late studying, since Mrs. Packerton always has extremely hard ‘end of the year’ tests. The fact that she’s a cultist makes trying to focus more difficult.

You stepped into the elevator and stood between Todd and Sal, taking notice in how quiet Sal was. It wasn’t unusual for him to not say anything, but a small hello could always be heard from him whenever we saw each other.

“You okay Sally Face? You seem a bit quiet.” Larry seemed to get a kick out of comment since he snickered and nudged Sal with his elbow.

“Yeah, what’s up bud?” Larry questioned in an almost teasing tone, it confused you, but you also knew that Sal and Larry always had their own little inside jokes. Maybe something happened last night while they were studying together, probably something involving Larry’s terrible toilet humor, or maybe they just got high again and completely blew off studying.

“Nothing, just tired.” Thats when you noticed how red Sals ears were, though you didn’t think much of it since you just wanted to get to school and get these seven hours of hell over with.

School never failed to be the same as always, with Travis and his homophobic and just down right ignorant remarks, the lunch food always smelling strange (especially the bologna), and of course messing around in the hallways and during lunch time with some of your favorite people. This time at lunch though you asked to speak with Ashley in private, she and Todd were the best advice givers you knew, but you just didn’t have as much faith in Todd in keeping a secret as you did with Ash.

“Whats up, (Y/N)?” The two of you stood behind the school as you anxiously looked around for any people who could overhear you.

“I, um, I needed some advice. It’s about the prom coming up this week..” You mumbled as Ashley burst into squeals of excitement, smiling widely to you.

“Oh I’m so excited you came to me for help! So you want to ask somebody, right? Who is it? Is it Larry?” She giggled and nudged you, trying her best to get the name out.

“No! It’s Sal!” Not even sure where that little outburst came from, you lifted a hand over your mouth in shock, as Ashley’s face only stretched further into happiness as she grabbed your shoulders.

“Oh I just knew you had a crush on him! You always laugh at all his jokes, and compliment him whenever you get the chance! And if you ask me, I think he might like you too!” That suggestion made your face burn, the thought of Sal actually returning such feelings made your heart warm.

“C- Come on, don’t say that!.. But do you really think that?” Ash nodded in response as she took your hand.

“You have to ask him out! And I know just who can help us.”

#sally face #sal fisher #sal fisher x reader #larry johnson #ashley campbell #todd morrison #x reader

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crymeariveronceagain · 3 years ago

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Stina Heks headcanons?

oh, my dearest anon, so many

so, so, so many.

hehe

Stina is tall. She's tall. She's not super tall, but she's not medium. She's a candy bar you're sure is a king size, but is packaged as a "share size" so you're not really sure what's going on.

This girl has a tan undertone to her skin. Like, there's a definite warmth and tan there. I'm thinking she's got some Romani heritage, that got mushed around with her French Heritage a long, long, long time ago. Oh, yeah. For absolutely no reason, Stina's mother's side of the family is French. Like, they absorbed French language into the way they talk, they serve various French foods, they practice some French traditions. I don't know why this is, but it is. So. That's my Stina's Family Heritage headcanon.

Her favorite color is burgundy. Like, deep, dark, wine red. It matches her skin tone and hair tone and brings out her eyes. She loves it. She's got far too many dresses in that color.

She... doesn't think she's pretty. And not in like, a self-depricating, quirky girl, "oh, no, I'm not pretty, I wish I was pretty, and no boy will ever like me ;-;" kind of way. She thinks she's not pretty like she thinks her hair is brown. It's just a natural assessment of her features. Maybe she just hasn't met anyone who sees more than her appearences, yet, but when she looks in the mirror she sees flaws. Sharp lines, too many ovals, too much contrast, her eyes are too close together. Especially in a world of extremely beautiful elves, she looks at others, and then looks back to herself and thinks "Well. That's not how I look. Whatever."

Stina has never wanted to get married. Not ever. She doesn't see the appeal. She doesn't want to see the appeal. But, also, she hasn't ever wanted to be on the council. She's always wanted to live alone in her house and run down the hallways in her long skirts.

She's not liked, in school. She got painted in bully colors for a few years, and she's never been able to erase the pigments. It's stained her body, and she can't ever get it off. She's internalized the fact that she is mean, she is cruel, she is a pain to be around and a pain to be with. She's fine, she says, but she mostly keeps to herself.

Stina has a group of friends outside of our lovely Kotlc Roundup of Trauma Children, and she likes them more. Not that she should. She thinks good attributes in friends are things like "leaving her alone" and "brutal honesty" which is really just them not putting effort into the friendships and ragging on her a ton.

She used to be friends with Biana Vacker. Like, really good friends. And then Sophie showed up, wrenches got thrown in the works, and Biana stopped talking to her. She still, quietly, somewhere, holds onto some memories of when they were friends. She doesn't dwell on them often, but if she does, then you know it's been a rough day.

The person she likes the most currently out of all the people in the Trauma Children group is most definitely Tam. He's smart on his feet, calm in scary situations, and he's responsible. And, oddly enough, he doesn't seem to mind her prescence. She finds that very odd of him, and also rather respectable.

Stina is a very skilled empath. She's really strong, with her powers, and can sometimes read people without touching them. It's kinda impressive, and Keefe wondered, to her face, once, if she'd ever accidentally drank Sophie's blood. Stina had punched him in the arm so hard he'd stopped laughing to wince.

MISS GIRL IS A HORSE GIRL. SHE HAS BOOKS UPON BOOKS UPON BOOKS. SOME OF THEM ARE IN DIFFERENT LANGUAGES. SOME OF THEM ARE BY HUMAN AUTHORS. SOME OF THEM ARE BY GOBLINS. OTHERS ARE BY GNOMES. However, that's all that's left, in her Level 8 girl bedroom. Her posters have long been taken down, and there's a painting of a horse in the closet. She's got a pair of horse riding boots, and she can do tricks. She's absolutely fantastic.

Slytherin. So Slytherin she makes Draco Malfoy look like an absolute muffinhead. She makes Lord Voldemort look kindhearted. She can make Bellatrix Lestrange look sane. She can make Salazar himself seem unambitious. She is snakes and silence and the quiet drip of water from a faucet onto a marble floor.

She doesn't really listen to much music. And Certainly Not Human Music. But if she did, she'd 100% be a billie eilish stan. Like, yeah. She'd listen to "When We All Fall Asleep Where Do We Go" on repeat. She'd listen to COPYCAT late into the night. Yeah.

She processes things by being angry. So angry. All the time. She's so angry. The angrier she is, the less she can feel the badness. If all that's left is blistering anger, there's nothing she can feel besides it.

Half of her motives are spite. She does things out of spite just because she likes the look on your face.

All in all, Stina's a mess, but she's so well put together that no one would notice. She is everything you want to be, on the outside, but nothing on the inside is anything you'd ever want to touch. She's internally tangled in knots. But she looks like a cleanly wrapped ball of yarn. And that's all that everyone, including her parents and friends, see.

Anyway! Hope you enjoyed!

#stina heks #kotlc #kotlc headcanons #kotlc stina #kotlc stinex #stinex #stina #kotlc textpost #thanks for the ask!#really random headcanons #stina heks is a boss queen #stina heks is also an emotional mess #but we respect this #shes doing her best

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that-bajan-kid · 4 years ago

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Boku No Hero Academia Chapter 292 SPOILERS

(Pogchamp)

Imagine staying away from Tumblr, Instagram and Twitter to avoid spoilers, only to get spoiled by a fUCKING WHATSAPP GROUP CHAT I'M SO MAD RN

Y'all better believe I freaked out when I saw this. I've seen lots of theories about this too. Mostly traitor!Kirishima since Bakugou's doing his pose and the other two are posing like villains. Also fan art. So. Much. Fan art. Now on to the chapter.

We see Jeanist in the plane getting ready to jump out while the latest episode of Keeping Up With The Todorokis plays in the background and he's not too happy about Dabi using his and his family's trauma to destroy hero society. I get that Dabi shouldn't have exposed Endeavour in the most damaging way possible for everyone involved but in his defence 1) it's not his fault Enji was a peice of shit to his family and 2) Dabi's a Todoroki, being dramatic is ingrained in their DNA.

YAS JEANIST FUCK EM UP. Bakugou you really should not be standing right now, I can see the pain it's causing you all over your face. So was it really a dead body in that bag? And Dabi, didn't you also not believe it was actually Jeanist or did the months of him missing convince you it was actually him?

Dabi is glowing like the sun and smoking like a Colorado wild fire which can't possibly be healthy for him. Dabi is all "Whatever bitch, the Todoroki family drama is to strong to be defeated by mere steel wires. Right, Shouto?" as Todoroki charges towards his previously-thought-to-be-dead older brother with some fire of his own. Compress and Spinner are talking about how Jeanist actually managed to subdue Machia and Spinner is all "Doesn't Machia have super strength tho?" and I'm here sitting in my seat wondering if the anaesthetic finally kicked in as Jeanist tightens the wire around Machia.

Spinner realises that Machia has been panting ever since they arrive, aka when his orders were full filled. So now he's disparately trying to wake Shiggy up so he can give Machia a reason to stay awake but then a wild Nejire-chan appears out of no where and she looks fucking pissed the fuck off and I am here for it.

FOR FUCK SAKE DABI GOD DAMNIT FUCK

Istg if she's dead I'm gonna fucking riot. Man Shouto is not having a good time. Midoriya better has sit his ass down. The fuck are you gonna do? Cry at them?? You ain't got no arms bitch.

Oh look a new background for my phone.

(Edit: I like how the heat from his flames are warping the panels)

Izuku you are physically incapable of doing anything rn. Yeah Shouto is in pain but at least his bones weren't turn to liquid. Is Jeanist talking about Endeavour or himself? Cause Hawks is down for the count and I'd be pretty pissed if Hori let Enji keep his hero licence after this.

There was a house. I think it might have been Tenko's, I'm not sure. So anyway, Shiggy woke up and he's thinking to himself "Damn I'm itchy but I can't move. Lemme fix that." and then orders Machia to break free. So Machia is doing that and now Jeanist with his one (1) lung are having a hard time keeping up.

It's been like six months since I last visited duolingo but I'm pretty sure those sound effects say "Aaaaa" which I find hilarious. I also completely forgot this was happening. Is Shiggy calling back the NHE? Cause the others are fucked if that's what's happening.

I had the ending of this chapter spoiled for me so I already know who that is which sucks all the fun out of it but I'll act like I don't know who it is out of respect for their character.

Oh my god Burnin was save at the last second who could it possibly be????????

This panel looks really cool also Shouto's flames?

So Dabi and Shouto are battling it out final agnikai style and Shouto is all "So your the one who sent that villain to our house!!?! NATSUO ALMOST DIED YOU ASSHOLE!!! DON'T YOU CARE ABOUT YOUR FAVOURITE BROTHER?!!!!?!!!" And Dabi's stone cold response is "But Endeavour would have suffered" so Shouto has the natural response of "HAVE YOU COMPLETELY LOST YOUR MIND" to which Dabi responds with "YOUR GODDAMN RIGHT I DID." and how he no longer has the ability to care about anything anymore which is very sad but damnit this panel would look godly animated.

So Dabi is like "Now I can finally kill you" as he gets ready to kill Shouto and the NHE are showing up and Jeanist is completely out in the open now. Whatever shall happen now???? Oh dearist me. If only the heroes had another secret ace up their sleeve that was not in anyone's plans because of how unlikely it was to happen. I wonder.

DON'T YOU JUST LOVE IT WHEN PAST TRAUMA AND CURRENT TRAUMA MIX IN THE MOST TOXIC, SELF DEPRICATING WAY POSSIBLE???? Izuku, who has done literally everything in his power to keep everyone from a groosome desintergrating demise, the one who is physically incapable of moving, is really sitting here calling himself a useless hero because his body's natural instinct to not die, which he still has apparently, is preventing him from floating head first into the arms of Death. BOI YOU SHOULDN'T EVEN BE CONCIOUS RIGHT NOW WHAT DO YOU MEAN!??!!?

I swear if these kids don't get some therapy after this.

Oh my god it's lemillion what a surprise. Also, did he really just say "Pogchamp" lmfao. I'm still salty about being spoiled but that was really funny. How long has he had his quirk back? We know Aizawa has been training Eri's quirk but when did she get enough control to be able to fix him? I'm so glad she can control her quirk now cause it means she won't be scare of accidentally uno reversing someone out of existence.

Still very disappointed the Mirio reveal was spoiled for me. Pogchamp was hilarious but still. I'm sure the official translation will have him saying something boring like "POWERRRRRRRRR". Sigh. Welp time to commit verbal assassination.

Until next time.

#UGH #I CANT BELEIVE I GOT SPOILED LIKE THAT #I MEAN #WHATSAPP SERIOUSLY THATS SO EMBARASSING #FUCK #boku no hero academia #boku no hero academia spoilers #bnha #bnha spoilers #bnha manga #bnha manga spoilers #bnha 292

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quindolyn · 4 years ago

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Ooh character anons?

Quinn darling can you give us a small rundown of how you'd like any characters to be jic? James, Sirius, Remus, Regulus, etc? So they're your perfect boys <3

Hey baby I’m sorry I’m just now getting to this because I wanted to do it justice and i didn’t have time earlier, I’ll just do Jamie, Si, and Rem because they’re my favorites:

James

Himbo

my wittle baby himbo and I love him more than literally anything

cocky as fuck but has a secret soft spot for you and would do anything for you

clingy, really clingy, always hanging off of you and want’s to touch you somehow

Jacked, like really muscular but that goes without saying, so he’s like super strong and can carry you anywhere

Really goofy, loves seeing you smile

such switch energy that it almost hurts, he can either be the cutest sub or the softest dom

Seeks approval and gets all warm and fuzzy on the inside when he gets it

loves being called pretty boy, Jamie, Jamesie

His favorite body part on you are your thighs but he also loves anything that you’re really confident in because he thinks its so hot when you show it off

He and Si are really touchy feely with each other, they hug and cuddle and give each other forehead kisses all the time and it’s the sweetest thing

He academically does really well with minimal effort but I feel like his emotional intelligence is better than his intellectual

His brain is going all the time

clumsy

Sirius

really big flirt

he’s also super cocky and has a soft spot for you but it’s more pronounced because I feel like where James is just naturally a warm person Sirius can sometimes come off as a little cold and intimidating if you don’t know him

He’s always cold so more often than not he’s layering up with his shirts as well as the ones he steals from james or Rem which is good because more often than not you’re wearing his shirts and he has none of his own

Also likes physical touch but he’s a little more subtle with it in public because he’s not as used to it as James is but loves holding your hand and having his arm thrown around your shoulders

I feel like he would get a manicure with you, they all would but James and Remus would tag along with you, Sirius actively plans days at the salon and gets a pedicure every other month, loves manicures too because he likes keeping his hands neat and tidy

mean dom

Just as touchy with James as James is with him, cuddle piles will ensue between them you and Remmy, no matter anyone’s relationship status, you all just cuddle and Sirius insists on being in the middle of things

Really smart, like scary smart but he doesn’t really show it off a lot

Remus

sarcastic fuck

really dry sense of humor that comes through at the best of times, he’s just really biting but knows just where the line is so he never crosses over it

His humor is also really self depricating but he will not let you be self depricating, thinks you’re the most precious creature to walk the planet and won’t allow you to talk down yo yourself. If you do he takes you in his arms and hugs you while telling you how beautiful he thinks you are

So insecure about his body but being around you helps him get over that a little bit, and around you he’ll go shirtless and won’t wear makeup because I headcanon that at least for a little while Remus wore foundation to try and cover up his scars

He’s not as built as James but he’s very well defined

Chocolate fiend and he only shares it with you

size kink

gentler than either of the other boys

Also likes keeping his hands tidy, has the nicest cuticles

Would carry you around all the time if he could because he loves you and he just wants to hold you and keep you safe

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kingerpiece · 5 years ago

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Fuyuhiko mem dumping

Im insanely bored so I guess I’m finally doing this.

Long post and dark themes obvi

🍥 I was so incredibly aromantic that I was completely ignorant to romance existing (A bit of an exageration but still) Sexuality is ???

🍥 I was rarely seen not holding a rolled magazine (or a pencil on occasion)

🍥 Said Magazine was used to smack people. Mostly classmates when they do stupid or annoying things

🍥 Classmates most commonly smacked: Kazuichi and Teruteru (for being perverted) and Nagito (Putting himself down)

🍥 I smacked everyone at least once, I promise. Yes even Peko. (she rly just got light taps tho)

🍥 Hiyoko got out of it tho cause she swung back and I’m not bout to get decked over this weird thing I do.

🍥 Kazuichi: DUDE WE’RE NOT DOGS, CHILL- Me, hitting him and Teru: I can treat you like ‘em! Gundham: You two might learn something from it. Sonia: -laughing-

🍥 Whole class saw me as this.. precious lil feisty boy (Nekomaru even gave me soft headpats or noogies-)

🍥 Kazuichi and Nagito are my bffs and I’d murder for them.

🍥 Peko is far more than a bff, but no romantic feelings (They were def queerplatonic feelings in hindsight tho)

🍥 Hiyoko = Quality Sister Replacement (Not literally, but I definitely saw her as a sister after awhile)

🍥 Sometimes your classmates call you a coward and/or pussy to get you to dress up like Hiyoko cause we look practically identical and Peko jUDGES YOU FOR DOING IT AND THATS OKAY-

🍥 Me: Gonna kill Sato. Peko: No sir let me- Me: Did I fucking stutter.

🍥 Dad was proud. I was terrified when he patted my head.

🍥 Becoming a despair means: Replacing the magazine with a fucking bat

🍥 God damnit Peko, for someone who was literally raised to follow my every command, you're really bad at it.

🍥 “I DIDN’T NEED A TOOL, I JUST NEEDED A FRIEND!!”

🍥 -Cries myself to sleep for multiple nights because Peko died in the simulation-

🍥 Got sliced horizontally instead of vertically, scar went over the bridge of my nose (yeouch)

🍥 Idiot Squad(tm) still holds up when we dont remember eachother. Though I was closer with Kazuichi during that time cause Nagito went all.. Wack.

🍥 Sonia/Chiaki swap??? Maybe??? Im not sure, Im so confused. (I will note my pendulum says that they were indeed swapped. Not talent, just story position)

🍥 -Stares at right eye shortly after we woke- .... Why the fuck did I do this?

🍥 Seriously I don’t remember my train of thought for it and I swear that eye mocked me when I looked at it.

🍥 Glass eye time. Red to honor Peko.

🍥 Me🤝Hajime🤝Gundham Single red eye squad

🍥 Not 100% sure on who all woke up, I know Hiyoko and Nagito did tho. Some others too (ngl, mostly just confused on Peko)

🍥 I do know it took ages for them to wake- Like over the span of a month or two on the short end.

🍥 Sneaking into your bros rooms and cuddling with them late at night isn’t gay and I’ll stand by that.

🍥 Look I’m touchstarved all the time and just need to be held. (Yes Peko had to deal with this too- Completely alone before and during the simulation)

🍥 Philosophy 101 with Nagito Komaeda. Extra credit includes: Stealing his jacket and falling asleep on him... Yes multiple times

🍥 “Mutilating our bodies to steal parts of Junko support group” (Nagito and I are the only regular attendies..)

🍥 Therapist Fuyuhiko, aka: I’m gonna hit you every time you self depricate to pavlov you to stop thinking like that.

🍥 Oh shit it worked? Neat.

🍥 Really Nagito and I got super close after the simulation. I’d say he almost worked his way up to Peko’s status-

🍥 We didnt stay solitary on the islands forever, some (me included) definitely moved back to mainland at some point, and the islands became open to normal society.

🍥 ngl- Eyepatch collection.

#🍥#Danganronpa kin #Danganronpa 2 kin #sdr2 kin #Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu kin #longpost

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lipstickchatexu · 6 years ago

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due to a migraine induced lapse in judgement i’m making a starter call for my thai muses! this doesn’t mean i’m officially bringing them all back but think of this as a tester to see if people might want to write with them this time around! please note i have chosen not to include thai kpop idols! check them out below the cut!

narong ‘blue’ jansuskri. twenty-six. english teacher. kind of a dumbass but he’s doing his best. king of self depricating jokes and being sarcastic at inapropriate times. he’s very passionate about his job and is a great teacher. he really just wants to make a difference in his students lives. fc: tul thanasrivanitchai

mongkut ‘jett’ anuwat. twenty-three. owner and chef of a thai resteraunt in south korea. older brother of mali anuwat of the girl group jinx. kinda grumpy but means well most of the time. imagine like a more angsty version of antoni from queer eye. fc: god itthipat

kiattisak ‘kit’ chaonasin. twenty-one. hote heir. is like super gay but is hella confused about it because of his religious and conservative parents. bit of a brat honestly and definitely has a thing for older more dominant guys. secretly super kinky but god forbid anyone ever finds that out. fc: saint udomkaewkanjana

kraisingha ‘leo’ homhuan. twenty-one. college student. his mom runs a bed and breakfast and his dad is a fisherman and tour guide. he had a rather simple, humble life. works his ass off to maintain his college scholarship. is fluent in pout. is really just a big puppy. please pat his head. fc” mean phiravich

anapan ‘pan’ chadeskan. eighteen. sun and demigod. his mom is human while his father is a sun god. super scared of his powers but they’re kind of awesome. he gets a long better with plants and animals than he ever has with humans. fc: perth sukhumpantanasan

sahajak ‘sam’ malasai. twenty-four. horror novelist. older brother of star. soft, sad boy. has been through a lot okay just someone please give him love cause he’s earned it. has basically raised his sister since he was twelve. someone hug him i’m begging you. fc: max diloknawarit

saengdao ‘star’ malasai. twenty. model and youtuber. younger sister of sam. you’d never know how tragic her life has been. is either super happy or having a mental breakdown in the corner. uses shopping as a coping mechanism. will kill you to protect her brother. fc: maengmum bumrungki

#please note like none of them have resources i had to make these gifs myself lol #what a catch donnie: starter call

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aj-moment · 2 years ago

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Oh boy another valentines day, this now marks the 2 year anniversary of the day I proved there were none as utterly bitchless as I. And I don't mean this in like a self-depricating way either, no, I mean that I actually managed to put myself in an event that proved just how completely hoeless I can be on Valentine's day of 2021. It's to the point where like, in my friend groups to this day, if there is someone who was there, that person ALWAYS brings it up at the first mention of Valentine's day. And honestly, I don't blame them, because it was absolutely hilarious. So basically, someone I used to be friends with a few weeks before Valentine's day made a bet with me, that I could get a girlfriend before Valentine's day. But I for one was very uncomfortable with this, and even if I wasn't I defintiely wouldn't have been able to do that before the timeline, because I am not exactly what you would call charismatic or conventionally attractive or anything else like that. So I tried to find a loophole in the terms. The loophole I ended up finding was that he never specified that it has to be a real girlfriend. So I started planning. As a huge fan of Persona, and most of my in-jokes in my friend group being about me being a huge fan of Persona (even my current username came from that), the choice of how exactly to do it was obvious. On Valentine's day I was going to speedrun getting a girlfriend (in this case I decided on Chie). So I started planning. I researched social link schedules, and some of the finer details of how they work, getting through Yukiko's palace quickly (because I don't think it was possible to get Chie to the right SL level before Yukiko's deadline was over, plus a stream of just speedrunning text would be really boring), and even set up a speedrun timer with multiple categories to track my progress. And my friend, from what I can only assume was out of pity, approved of this loophole. So I was already in a pretty bitchless state. Like, being a Persona player already does that to a person, but speedrunning dating someone in Persona because you can't date someone IRL is incredibly fucking pathetic, so how much worse can it get? February 14th, 2021: the day of the speedrun. Okay so first of all, of all the things I planned for testing to see if my computer could handle running P4G and streaming to Discord at the same time was not one of them. My computer at the time was made up from spare parts of a bunch of other computers that didn't work with the rest of the system for whatever reason, so out of the box it was already kind of falling apart. That was in 2012, 9 years before the day of the stream. So by then, my computer wasn't even on its last legs, it was more so crawling along the floor to work at all. So predictably, when I went to stream it, everyone watching not only had no audio to listen to, but also ran at 2fps, if I'm being generous (was probably closer to 1 or <1). But that wasn't all that started to break. My computer was handling the whole thing so poorly that there would be NPCs who just, didn't spawn in, regularly, with no seeming consistency. And the only thing that would make them spawn back in (again at random) was starting a new day. One of the NPCs this was happening most regularly to was Chie. So even though I had researched how exactly how to get her to the right social link level (which I believe was 9) to start dating her, it all ended up being meaningless because she's just fucking ghost me. Then eventually, even though I was planning on ending the stream soon after Yukiko's plotline (her dungeon actually went shockingly smoothly though) was over, I was now starting to get well into Kanji's plotline, and at that point, I had only gotten Chie to Social Link level 4 or 5, and my computer was just getting into a worse and worse state from the whole thing, plus it had already taken like 3 hours to get there, so I called the whole thing quits, and left without even a fake bitch to call my own. I also had to restart my computer afterwards because things were so bad that it couldn't even recover with no tabs open. So on Valentine's day, in lieu of getting a real girlfriend, I tried to speedrun getting a fake one, and she broke the laws of her universe SEVERELY in order to ghost and friendzone me.

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tickle-me-stoked · 7 years ago

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Sanders Sides - Happy Birthday, Roman

A/N: WHOOT what better way to start out on tumblr than with a bad fan fiction that’s probably my best, sad as it is. This is about Romans birthday, which was today, my sweet baby boi. Anyways, please enjoy if you can, I tried.

Word count: 2497

Summary: Roman feels alone on his big day; ‘cognitive distorntions’, or no. (wow I’m awful at summaries I’m so sorry)

Warnings: self-deprication, cognitive distortions, sadness, bad English and writing skillz.

If ive forgotten ANYTHING please lemme know!

I’ll definitely add a taglist if anyone wants to be in it! I love everyone, all of you are beautiful.

AAAHHHHH IM TERRIFIED PLS DONT KILL ME

——

Roman wiped his eye. Yes, he was crying. He could admit to that. But wouldn't you? He'd gone all day, sitting on the edge of his seat, waiting for whatever he had hoped the other sides had in store for him. He waited all day for anything, whether it be a celebration, a present, or something as simple as a hug.

He didn't. Nothing happened today. From the moment the clock struck midnight last night, to now, where midnight was right around the corner, he waited. He was silent about it. He hadn't wanted to speak up or ask in fear of ruining something. Maybe it was surprise, so if he asked about it, surely Patton would break or something else would give it away. He didn't want to take that risk. But now, he sees that maybe...

Maybe he had nothing to loose.

It was his birthday. And here he was; sitting alone, crying, lost in his thoughts of whether or not he was truly loved, whether he actually meant something.

He wiped his eyes again. Teeth clenched, he went and pulled on his hair. He couldn't sob. Crying... crying was fine... right? But a sob would disturb the others. He wouldn't mind if someone, preferably Patton, came down and found him. If it was out of pity... he'd take it. At least with pity, they still cared enough to acknowledge him. Whereas silence just said that they didn't care. At all.

A happy birthday. He'd gotten words, a simple 'happy birthday' from the other three sides. But after that, it was as if nothing was different. Was a birthday not a celebration? Was a birthday not important? Had this day not happened, Roman wouldn't be here. Everything would be different.

But instead, everything is exactly the same. Nothing changed. The only difference is the love he feels. The love that is slipping away, as if it was never there to begin with. He loved his friends, loved them, but they obviously didn't feel the same. Clearly, he didn't mean as much to them as they did to him.

But that was okay.... Or it should be. It is, but it hurts too much to feel right. He'll still take care of his friends, he'll always be there for him. But they won't be there for him. Is that fair? Is that right?

Roman ran his hands over his face. His hands came back drenched in tears. He stared at the water as it ran down his palms.

What now? Does he just act as if this never happened? Should he say something about all this? He wouldn't want to be a disturbance... but...

Who was he kidding? That's the exact reason they don't like him, isn't it? He can't just go ahead and make things worse. Then he'd truly be outcasted.

Whatever. If they don't care that-that's fine. He'll get over it. He has to.

Roman sniffed once, then rose to his feet. He hesitated, wondering if he had the strength to walk the stairs, then pushed forward anyways, knowing his bed was up there.

Before he could make it passed the coffee table, he heard his name.

“Roman!” He looked up and found Patton barreling down the stairs. He slammed into him, wrapping him up in a hug which, surprisingly, took Roman off the ground. “Oh, sweetheart!” Patton placed him down and backed up to look him in the eyes. “Oh, were you crying? What’s the matter, Ro? What’s wrong?” Roman quickly threw his arm up to wipe away the tears. Now that the moment struck, he was twice as sure he shouldn’t lay his problems out. But having Patton here, staring at him with those big, worry-filled eyes, it practically pulled the words out of him.

“I-I’m sorry, Patton. I didn’t want to be a burden, um-“

“No!” Patton yelled. Roman stared in shock. He’d barely gotten to say anything, now Patton was what, mad? Roman figures he’d have every right to be upset, but he hadn’t even said anything yet. “I will not have you insult yourself like that.” Hold on. What? Patton was mad because... Roman thought of himself as a burden. That was very Patton-like, but that was the reaction he often gave to Virgil. He never seemed so upset when he’d said it before. Now, he was practically fuming. The rage in his eyes — what was going on? “This is your day, dedicated completely and entirely to you! On this day is the day where you, Roman, our faithful prince and trustworthy hero, are the world. You’re the center if the universe today, Roman. Everyday actually, but especially today! You have no right to say that about yourself.” Roman couldn’t believe it.

He was crying again. Why was he crying? Because Patton hated him? No. Because Patton was mad at him? Yes. But the reason behind Patton’s anger was that he loved him. Patton was upset that Roman had thought so little of himself. Why should he feel that way? All of the amazing people in his life, people who hardly had the potential to hate to begin with. They loved him. Patton proved it.

Or at least... Patton loved him. The others, Logan and Virgil, did they? Or were they gonna yell at him later. Were they going to yell at him for crying about his birthday? Were they going to yell at him because he’d upset Patton.

Oh no, he upset Patton. What had he done? This was exactly why they shouldn’t care. He hurt their beloved Patton. Nothing can make up for that.

Except for this. A hug. Patton pulled him into another hug. He held him tight, but comfortably so. Slowly, Roman let himself fall into the security of Patton’s embrace. He rested his head on his shoulder and held on tight right back.

“Everything and anything you feel is valid. Never assume we won’t want to help you in any way we can. It’s the least we can do for everything you’ve done for us.” Romans eyes shot open, his muscles tensing. He threw himself back from Patton’s and stared into his eyes, searching for any signs of lies or miscommunication.

“What could I have possibly done?” He wonders in awe. Patton smiled softly. He slowly reinitiates the hug, holding gently to Romans frame.

“For one, you’re a great hugger.” He mumbled. Roman couldn’t help the scoff that escaped his lips as he returned the gesture contently. “But you always had this spark.” A spark? “Whenever you’re passion shines through, which is a lot more than you would think,” he said with a laugh. “It makes us smile. We can see how happy you truly are, the genuine emotion in your eyes as you speak. It makes us so happy!” Roman moves his eyes downward and smiled. Did they all think that? Did they actually think that his passion was endearing? “You always make sure we’ve got a smile in our face. Whenever one of us feels down, you work your absolute hardest to turn that frown upside down. And it always works!” Thinking about it, he doesn’t recall a moment where it had failed. Everyone has their bad days, but he was always able to get a smile from them, even at their worst. “You’re silly, rambunctious, energetic, and pure sunshine.” Roman, although his smile didn’t dissipate, sighed sadly.

“You’re talking about yourself, Pat...” Patton softly shook his head, his body swaying along.

“I don’t think I am. Ro, you wear the brightest of smiles, you have the strongest of hearts, (have I mentioned great hugs?) and the most love to give. Without you, Roman...” Roman could feel the smile drop from Patton’s lips, causing his own to fall. “I don’t know where we’d be...” Roman backed up. He looked calmly at Patton. He took note of every detail on his face. Physical, and the meaning behind them. How his small smile lit up his hoping eyes. How his cheeks had little dimples and a flooring of freckles beneath the pink tint of his precious face.

“Patton...” What can he say? Everything that Patton said hit him hard. He hadn’t believed any of that in what felt like years. Patton’s choice of words couldn’t have been more perfect. No set of words coming from any other mouth could’ve made him feel more alive than his beautiful Patton’s. Birthday forgotten, Roman spoke what the only words he was able to think of. “Thank you.” Patton’s little giggle warmed his heart.

“You don't need to thank me, Roman. Everyone knows the kind of star you are. And you are the brightest one in the sky.” Roman raised an eyebrow. Brightest in the sky?

“Are you sure you’re not talking about the moon?” Patton laughed wholeheartedly, earning his own from Roman. He returned into the hug, for yet another short moment.

“If that makes you feel better, then yes.”

“Anything from you is perfect, my dearest Patton.” Patton giggled again.

“There’s another one. All the cleverly thought out nicknames you give us.”

“Oh, come on, that one could’ve been better. It’d help if I wasn’t so tongue-tied thanks to you.”

“Are you complaining?”

“In a way, I suppose.“ Patton poked his pouted lip and the two shared a laugh again.

“Anyway, we should get to bed, huh?” Roman frowned slightly. After all this, finally beginning to feel better, they had to part.

“I uh,” However, he knew what Patton had said. And of course, he trusted him completely, but a small part of his mind warned him to not overstep his boundaries, in case he did become too much. “I guess. Yeah.” Patton could sense the unease in his voice. The little smile said it all. He took Romans hand and lead him calmly up the stairs.

Although, Roman raised an eyebrow as Patton reached for his door. Why was he going into his room? Why not his own? Does he want to tuck him in or something fatherly like that?

The moment Patton walked into the door, Roman right behind him, the lights flicked on.

Inside the room was the most miraculous sight his eyes had ever seen.

Balloons littered the floor and the ceiling. There were streamers perfectly parted at the ceiling light and attaching back by the walls. The light itself was tinted. Not a specific colour, but with glitter, making the room seem to sparkle. A large cake sat with candles — many candles — on top. The cake itself was huge. It was like a wedding cake, but for a birthday. Around it was an array of different beverages and candies. Of course, there was a palate of veggies too, seeing as how no one could resist those. Then there were the two large speakers on either side of his bed, tall enough to match the height of his bed posts. But the best part was Logan and Virgil.

The two of them had party hats on their heads. They stood in the center of the room, underneath a banner that was hand-painted to say ‘Happy Birthday, Roman’. He could tell by the print who wrote what and who drew what. Logan and Virgil both had genuine smiles on their faces after they had shouted ‘surprise’.

There was a surprise party. He hadn’t ruined anything? All this time, he thought he’d messed everything up, destroyed everything he thought he had. And why? Because he hadn’t gotten a party? These foolish, stupid ideas had invaded his mind so much that he couldn’t see the love in his friends eyes.

But these boys, these three beautiful men, had done the most wonderful thing and thrown him an entire surprise party. He could see the piling up if presents behind the left brained sides.

He hadn’t noticed his tears until he felt his legs give way. Patton had barely managed to catch him, but did as they settled softly on the ground. He blinked the tears down his cheeks and saw the other two racing over.

“Roman!” They cried. All of them had their hands on him, for reassurance and support and comfort. He wanted to hug them all, but his arms weren’t long enough. He settled on stealing himself and went to wipe his eyes, soaking his hands once again.

“Sorry! Sorry!” He spilled out with a small laugh. He sniffled, and smiled at the others.

“Ro, are you okay?” Virgil asked in a semi-panic. Roman nodded his head calmly and wiped some more tears.

“I’m great, Virge. It’s all thanks to you.” Virgil took a double take. Logan as well.

“So these were... ‘tears of joy’?” He wondered. He seemed almost afraid of assuming incorrectly. But Roman simply nodded again.

“Yes, I’m sorry for being such a mess, especially so consistently around you, Patton.” This time, Patton let him speak. Earlier he had stopped the bout of self-deprication and filled the blanks with compliments. He must’ve known that now it would lead into the source of the problems. “I guess I just got lost in the idea that... that it was selfish to want a birthday and that that was a reason toward why you’d hate me.” At the silence of the others, he conintued. “I know, it was stupid, but it all just made me realize how lucky I truly am. What was selfish was thinking so illy of you three... and I’m sorry for that.”

“You have nothing to apologize for.” Patton assured.

“It is completely understandable that lack of attention on such a special and momentous occasion would draw unpleasant thought processes to oneself. For that, we owe you an apology.”

“Yeah, we’re really sorry,” Virgil agreed. He and Logan had their heads ducked, looking guilty and depressed. “It was kind of our fault, to be honest. Lo and I just wanted things to be.. a little too perfect and... took longer than necessary.”

“Don’t bring yourselves down because of me.” Roman backfired. Honestly, with all the blaming, Roman found himself with an urge to laugh. “Because it was a surprise, I can see the kind of stress that would promote. That can be a lot resting on your shoulders. If anything, you two would be the most suitable for perfection.” This time he did laugh, mainly in hopes that they wouldn’t take offense, seeing as that was not his goal. They shared a glance at one another, and both shrugged, feeling awkward, yet knowing it was the truth. “But this... this is perfect. Thank you.” He pulled Patton into his left and Logan into his right, then dropped his head to rest against Virgil’s, whose hands held the formers mentioned.

“Don’t get tears on my pants, Princey.” The four laughed. Roman could barely recall any of the invasive thoughts he’d been having before. Just being in the mere presence of the ones he loves so much takes the pain away.

#roman sanders #patton sanders #logan sanders #virgil sanders #birthday #sanders sides #fanfic #fanfiction #angst #happy ending

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csauce-and-chips · 7 years ago

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Embark - Chapter 3

Chapter Title: Picture Perfect

Word Count: 2,234

Pairing(s): Prinxiety, Side Logicality

Featured: Virgil Petty, Roman Prince, Patton Petty

Chapter Warning(s): Minor Cursing, Fighting, past death implied, self-depricating thoughts.

Synopsis: Virgil goes looking for his phone and finds himself learning more about Roman.

_______

Most people lose their phone under couch cushions, or leave it in plain sight. Most people don't lose their phone in a worn-down abandoned city, far away from any sense of civilisation.

Then again, this whole situation wasn't normal. It was hard for Virgil to figure out what was the most jaring thing about it. Whether it be the fact that he was in a whole other world entirely, the worry eating at him about what's going on outside, or wondering just how he would get out of here- it all made his stomach twist up in knots that grew more and more with each step he took.

However, one thing that really caught him off guard: his princely guide.

Even walking next to him as they passed each building helped add on to his list of questions. Roman was just.. odd. It seemed like he would swing from one emotion to the next, really dramatic and full of himself. He acted like he was actually a king, but there was such fakeness to it- it left Virgil with an unsatisfying amount of unanswered questions in the back of his mind.

Virgil stared as the king opened a double-doored entryway to a rotting wooden building. It matched the other buildings, but seemed shorter and wider in comparison. It also seemed like the place was put to more use in general, not as much of a hollow abandoned building as the others. Not too pretty, either.

"Why would my phone be in here?" Virgil's low voice broke the silence as Roman shoved against the door to get it to open all the way. "I didn't go into any of the buildings, let alone this one.."

The dramatic man let out an excited huff as he shrugged, turning to look at Virgil with those bright green eyes. "My kingdom tends to shift items around. Though things usually find their way here."

"Why? What's so important about this building? It's just rotting away like the others." Virgil's defensive nature was heightened by his anxiety. Others couldn't really know that, though. He sometimes came off as rude.

Roman frowned a bit at that. "I believe this is the greatest building amongst the rest! After all.." he pushed the doors open again with a small huff, his smile plastering his face again with an excited twinkle in his eye. "The theater is always a place to cherish, wouldn't you agree?"

"A theater? I mean.. I guess, I don't really get.." Virgil's words fell short as he stepped inside, his eyes widening a little. "Woah..."

The theater was a lot larger than Virgil had thought. It was a long stride to the grand stage, lines and lines of wooden chairs packing the place. There were upper-level seats that added to the theater experience. But one thing that really took Virgil's breath away was the carving in the interior.

All along the seats, the edge of the stage and along the base were intricate little designs and patterns that elegantly wove into eachother, connecting everything together perfectly. All the carvings seemed to curve it's way up the wall until it reached the ceiling, showing of a grand picture engraved into the wood. An angel, a grand wizard, and a king each posed in conflicting ways, the patterns surrounding them all perfectly.

It took Virgil's breath away. For a place that's in a city like this, it stunned him with how beautiful was. The image made him feel.. well, he didn't know. He just knew it was an intense feeling...

"You seem to like it!"

Virgil jumped as he yanked his eyes away from the woodwork, looking at the whimsical man stand on his stage in full glory. He beamed at Virgil with an eyebrow quirked up, a sassy look in his eye.

"And? It's great woodwork. How could I not admire it?" The emo boy walked towards the stage with his arms crossed. Roman may be annoying, but there was something fun about picking fights with him. A little fun. It's not like he liked this or anything.

His stupid grin seemed to widen as he rested a hand on his hips, looking up at the ceiling. "I'm flattered! Thats probably the first compliment you've given me thus far!"

Virgil stopped as he said this, blinking in surprise. "You.. you carved all of this?"

Roman nodded as he ran a hand through his locks and eyed his work with pride. "Yep! It certainly took a while, but it was worth it."

Virgil couldn't seem to find a word to say. For how dumb Roman seems to be.. this is a shitload of work. How anyone could pull this off on their own seemed outrageous. He actually has.. respect for him?

"I see that I've left you speechless! My, my! Dark and stormy night is impressed by me, I must have exceeded your expectations!"

Nevermind.

Virgil groaned as he made it to the end of the stage, looking up at him with a look of annoyance. "Whatever you say, prick. Help me up."

Roman paused before he smirked, holding out a hand to grip Virgil's. Roman's hands were firm and dry, a warmth to them that he seemed to radiate constantly. It made Virgil feel... secure.

He pushed those feelings aside as he stepped onto the stage, looking into the green eyes. Roman looked back with a look of intent, maybe surprise.. something underneath Virgil couldn't read. He glanced down as he fiddled with his sleeve.

"Why.. the theater?" Roman raised his eyebrows in surprise as Virgil half mumbled the question. "I mean, there's a ton of bigger buildings around here, so.."

The king nodded a little at the question, glancing at the ceiling as he spoke. "Well, I suppose it's due to the fact that I've always been very into theater. I'm not an actor, but I was definitely considered a drama geek in high school."

Virgil raised an eyebrow. "High school?"

He chuckled warmly. "Yes, of course. I didn't drop out or anything. I was in many performances! Musicals were especially close to my heart."

Something about watching Roman ramble about his past left a warm feeling in his gut. He looked so different from when he met him at the throne. Calm, natural.. real. It was like he was talking to a completely different person. Someone he didn't mind talking to.

This also raised more questions, though. Roman went to high school. He was in plays and musicals. He was in the real world, not here. So.. why was he here? How could he want to be here when this ambitious guy could be out there, doing so as much as his heart desires?

Before Virgil could even scratch the surface of that dilemma, a loud buzz startled them both out of their train of thoughts. He glanced back and stepped away from his taller counterpart, spotting his phone just around the corner. Picking it up, he saw that he had received multiple messages.

Roman chuckled softly as he looked back at Virgil with a warm gaze. "Found your phone, I see?"

Virgil couldn't help but smile at little at that. "No shit, captain obvious."

"What! I couldn't see what you were holding. Don't be so mean!" Roman wad grinning like an idiot as he whined. The argument was all in good fun, and they both knew it.

"Yeah, yeah." Virgil opened his phone as he stepped closer to the king, opening up his camera app with a slightly devious grin.

"Say cheese, Prince Charming."

Roman grinned as he winked. "Awe, you think I'm charming~"

Virgil snapped the picture and turned off his phone. "You didn't pose or anything. I thought you were a king."

"Hey! I didn't think- You didn't give me enough time!" Roman huffed as Virgil scooted off the stage.

"I warned you. Now you're doomed with that picture forever, princey!"

"Noooooooo!"

They walked together away from the wooden theater, leaving light footprints in the pounded dirt path. Their teasing could be heard all around, echoing off the empty structures. For once in forever, there was an actual conversation taking place in the world of forgotten oak. It was something to cherish, and to miss when it inevitably fell away.

Before long they were right back where Virgil had started. This time, he wasn't a mess of panic. He was actually smiling, if only a little, his brown eyes much softer. It was so weird that this crazy man was the cause of that.

"All you have to do is walk forward. You should just.. fall back into the real world." Roman explained, giving Virgil a smile with a soft sigh between his teeth.

"And.. you aren't coming?"

"Ah, no.. my kingdom needs me! Besides, I've taken enough of your time already." He paused as he looked at Virgil with those green eyes that he was warming up to. "However.. your visit was greatly appreciated. We've only met once, but this was the most fun I've had in a long time!"

Virgil stared at him as he chuckled almost sadly. Though he didn't have the answers to most of his questions, Virgil did offer him a smile. "I'll come visit again."

Roman's eyes seemed to light up as he stared into Virgil's own, a hopeful look on his face. "You will?"

Virgil couldn't help but chuckle. "Sure, princey. Don't look so hopeful. I'll be back to diss you soon enough."

Still, Roman's smile only grew as he took Virgil's hand. "Well then," he let go of his hands with that lingering warmth, a small peice of reddish bark remaining. "Let that help you get back to me, ok?"

Virgil paused before he smirked and closed his fingers around it. "See you soon, princey."

Roman's smile faded along with his voice as he stepped through the portal. "And you, dark and stormy night."

"Hey, Virge? Can I come in?"

Virgil Petty was 14 years old, his hair grown out over his eyes and his new makeup plastered over his face. His room was dark with the lights off and boxes piled against the walls. He had yet to unpack his dark clothing and decor alike.

Said 14-year-old sighed as he paused his music, slipping his headphones to his shoulders. "Yeah."

Patton stepped into his room, his bright appearance clashing with everything Virgil stood for. But that wasn't new. He was holding a small box that had 'photos' written across in his older brother's messy handwriting.

"Hey kiddo! Just wanted to come in and check on you!"

" 'm fine, Pat. What else do you want?"

Patton chuckled a little as he plopped the box onto his bed, ending the possibility of making this quick. "That's good! I wanted to see if you wanted any of these?"

Virgil raised an eyebrow as he shifted closer, looking into the box. Different pictures of family members, but mostly pictures of their dad.. or their mom.

"No... Hell no, I don't want these Pat. Why would I want these?"

"Well, I dunno, I just-"

"You know how I feel about Jerry-"

"He's your dad, Virgil-"

"He's not my dad!"

"Look, I just wanted to see if you wanted one because you already have two pictures of her and you-"

"So, what?! You think that throwing up pictures of mom and dad will just fix everything?"

"That's not what I meant-"

"I don't care- just shut up and make your scrapbooks! Or leave! or hit me! Be just like him if you think he's such a great dad!"

"Virgil, I-"

"You can't just fix me!"

The 14 year old was shaking as he spat at his brother, tears threatening his eyes. An overwhelming sense of anxiety and anger and pure emotion caused him to surge before he felt a pang of guilt, seeing the look on his brother's face. He turned away, burying his face in his pillow. It's better than facing his brother after that, in his mind.

How could he say that to him? Of all people.. the only one that cared about him was the one he lashed out at. How could you do that, he's your brother! Of course you did, Virgil, you ruin every all the time-

"I don't need to fix you, Virgil."

Virgil felt a soft hand on his back, rubbing up and down in a soothing, familiar way. It helped him breathe.. He didn't realize his breathing was unsteady.

"That doesn't mean you're perfect. I know you know that. I'm not perfect, either. If I was perfect, I could have done so much more. I could have made dad stay, or given you a better life." Patton sighed softly as he sat closer. Virgil didn't mind it.. This was Patton. He was warm and comforting. He was his family.

"I don't know what I'm doing, Virgil. I never have. I know I'm always acting like I've got everything under control, but I.. I'm really just trying to hold it together. Hold us together."

Virgil looked up at Patton with a surprised look. Patton frowned gently, looking at the box of pictures. "It's not bad to want to change. It's not a bad thing to want to break away from what you think is bad. Dad.. He wasn't ever a good dad. And mom.." He sighed as he looked to Virgil with a small smile. "She loved you without ever seeing your face. She was so, so excited to have you."

"Really, Virgil, the point is.. I don't need to fix you. You don't need to be fixed. What I need to do is move on and keep trying.. and what you need to do.. is trust yourself."

Virgil was silent as he sat up, letting his brother continue to rub his back and looking into his eyes with his undivided attention. "That's that hardest thing you can ever do. I know. It's scary.. life is scary as Hell. And you won't do it right away. You will be left with questions unanswered when you need them most. You'll feel alone. But one thing you have is you." Pattons small, emotional, real smile left him feeling warm. "And I believe in you, if nothing else."

It took less than a second for Virgil to be hugging his brother tightly, the 20-year-old's hand tangled in his hair and wrapped around him. The house was quiet accept for the sound of their breathing, and soft sound of crying coming from the usually harsh and dark teen. This was his brother. Virgil didn't know how he deserved such an angel in his life.

"Pat..?" Virgil eventually mumbled as he glanced up at his brother, a sniffle escaping him.

"What is it, kiddo?"

"I'm sorry."

Patton's tired face still help a happiness to it as he stroked Virgils hair, just the way he liked it.

"Never apologize." Patton whispered as he kissed his forehead.

"You will always be my first priority."

_______

Tag List:

@gaydreamland @virgils-old-sweater @6tick6tock6 @hellomusicalnerdhere @rose-will-one-day-be-okay (sorry if I'm tagging the wrong person there, perhaps you changed your name?) @thatpinkpony59 @applecannibal

#embark #chapter 3 #picture perfect #sanders sides #sanders sides au #sanders side fic #my fic #my writing #thomas sanders #ts roman #roman sanders #ts virgil #virgil sanders #patton sanders #ts patton

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what-ever-happened-to-chip · 4 years ago

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Part 4: Junkie

*insert story and whole memory montage of joni and jesse's life* (I'm writing it now, but to make it complete I would have to write a lot more so i'll slowly add in some shit about it to maybe inspire the mood)

For now,

HOLY SHIT, where was I? Christian? I need a cigarette, what's wrong with my body? Who am I? "Hello Gray" A ghostly smile was plastered on Christian's pale face. "Gray.....yes I'm...Gray? What did you just do to me? Where's Jesse?" "I gave you Joni's memories and of course to see a memory the way it really was perceived, you had to had to have lived it. You just lived Joni's entire life. And in tandum, her mind is melded with her brother's so you just indeed lived Jesse's life to. They're minds melded when they were about 14 so you saw them at the same time then. However once you 'became' Jesse as well you saw all his memories too. Quite the anamoly indeed." I couldn't think straight...or I could. I felt invaded, however I had let this parasite in. No..not parasite, but my mind did not only feel like mine. I felt like 3 people. "You're fucked up, i gotta go..." I knocked the chair over getting up and bee lined to the door. "Oh, but you'll be back" he warned with a sordid grin. Nothing around me looked new, but it's as if I had 3 perspectives of it, but they weren't separate. I was all of us. I was we. But I was only myself still. I understood Joni now and I wish I didn't. What was I thinking? I paced around looking at everyone with shifty eyes and desperately needing an escape? I'd never felt so trapped, but yet apathetic, but not -errr i don't know what i think. They think that. She thinks that. I think....jesus christ. What the fuck is wrong with me, i need something....I

"Oh there you are Gray, please come join us. Lana's observations have led us to discuss, why Jenn has a special hatred for our dear Yuna here." I stared at him too long and forced myselves through the motions of sitting down. "I don't believe Jenn hates me, she's much too kind for that. I know when people are in love they want to protect it and the rejection of feeling your love might be not completely genuine hurts very deeply. I don't want to make her feel that way" "Indeed so Yuna, however I think you just proved my argument right. Jenn wishes you were a bitch so she could hate you, but you make it rather impossible." Marcus grinned at her, was he flirting? I've never noticed flirting from a girl's perspective before. It made me uncomfortable. "Yeah, but you never answered why she wants to hate Yuna, I just don't get it!" lana said confused even though she had more information than anymore. "Shall you be the tie breaker Gray?" 6 sets of eyes all gazed over at him with anticipation. "Uhh...what am I voting on?" "We tryna figure out if that Jenn girl is a THOT or not!" Buddy clapped his big hands together, silently laughing at his own opinion. "Yeah me, Marcus, and obv Yuna don't think she is a bad person just.....yknow confused, but, Buddy, Rikku, and Jesse think she's a cunt... I mean bad person. yeah." I stared at Jesse and wanted to agree with him. At first glance it felt as if I was looking at a reflection. I also wanted to forgive woman? What? I guess I like Jenn....but is she a bitch? I can't stop thinking of calling her my chicka....what the fuck? What do I think. I thought I was confused before. Why do they care what I think of all times? "Oh my god! I told you that he had a crush on Jenn! See Yunie! they should totally date, he LIKES her" The room instantly grew quiet as loud stomps dominated the room. "Who the fuck has a crush on Jenn?" He scanned the room with murderous eyes. He stared at Marcus suspiciously longer than anyone, but landed on Gray. "Uhh hey man you got that hit you owe me...you....fucker?" Why was I saying the insult like a question. I have no idea how I talk. "You best stay the fuck away from her if you don't want me to kill your unborn children" That hit my chest heart, it hurt so deeply, yet I knew he had made that joke every day this week and it just meant kicking me in the nuts. The crotch. I had never once felt ashamed of having a penis, not once in my life, until now. But i didn't think that. She did. OR he. I was was having a very hard time finding deciding what 'I' thought. "Not if I do it first!" I yelled out impulsively. Is that what Jesse would say? That's so lame. Laughter burst out throught the room. I felt even more shame and wanted to say another self depricating joke just to get through it. I also wanted a drink reaaaaaally bad. Aiden looked even more suspicious at me. "Fuck you guys I got better shit to do" and with that I scurried away. As days went by I knew I was Gray again. I couldn't tell Joni what I did and she seemed none the wiser of my quiet acceptance of her. Jesse seemed more suspicious, but I knew now that his jokes most of the time were desperate paranoia to be in touch. I thought he was just a joker, but the new found knowledge I had made that simplification of him impossible. Like the lonely intimacy junkie I was I couldn't help it, but to want to see more lives now. Once again I was in the same position in Christians room, this time I sat across from him knee to knee with my palms up. He suggested since he had seen everyone's life that I should start with Yuna. How it felt to have to send Tidus for the 'greater good'. It seemed nice to think about it in a positive way and I was right. When I came back from Yuna's memories I had known pain, loss, and sorrow, but no matter what I had enjoyed everyone moment of life. She truly cherished every experience and every chance she had to be alive. She looked back on all her memories fondly because she got to live them. I was fine feeling the glow of Yuna's mind, but as with any high it wore off and I wanted more. Our sessions became more or less weekly as I let him shape me around the perspective of the comrades around me. Things got darker with Zack, but the integrity I felt and pride in my position made it all worth it. SOLDIER was my (his) life, yet it betrayed, used, and lied to him. It didn't matter what the organization had become SOLDIER was a code he took and vowed to keep to the end. To protect and serve mankind. To be a hero. I felt similarities in Rinoa's fighting spirit and the belief I had in myself with all her decisions. She really did like herself. She would think she was wrong for almost a split second and quickly decide she was right. It wasn't even her fault she had that big of an ego, she was taught to, yet despite it she rebelled for what she thought was right. Roxas proved to be more lonely, the loss of identity and the questioning of your own reality. With is, I saw Sora's too. The metaness of seeing memories through memories was not lost on me and added to a long state of confusion, when I became Gray again. The adventures of Zidane's rogue lifestyle, let me explore the world, feel things deeply, enjoy any piece of life you had, yet have the heart to mourn for important things and fight for truth. I now knew the appeal of cocaine for a performer. Marcus for the entirety of his life was utterly and completely pleased with himself. He hardly ever felt lonely, scared, or unsure, not in any existential way. The guy didn't even mind being dope sick, he reveled in the extremes of being in a human. He truly did believe Aiden was the most fascinating person he had ever met. He died almost as an inside joke to himself. Christian and I exchanged out quick goodbyes and spoke briefly of perhaps the next person he will show me. I left in a good mood. I safely made it out the door...or so I thought. Aiden burst out from down the hall and grabbed my arm and leaned in close to my face. He stared into my eyes long and hard in a way that made me feel terribly vulnerable. "So you went and saw Christian today?" "What do you mean? I mean yeah...I was looking for you man, back off what the fuck do you care?" "I think your a fucking idiot, but your life" "You hang out with him all the time so who are you to talk?" "yeah but what I do with bitch boy is a whole fucking other game to what you're trying to get off on. Dont' you see?! He'll give you sum chumps memories, all fun and games, but then he'll get bored. And by then you're probably hooked so he can stick his greasy fingers in you head and do whatever he wants. I'm sure he gave you Yuna's huh? How was being the happiest person ever? Or Aang? I bet that zen buddhist shit was real comforable. but just wait and then he'll give you something shitty ones like Tidus's. Ever thought about what a schitzophernic's brain looks like? Well i'll tell you what, it looks the same. From his point of view his life looked just as normal's as any fucker as boring as Jerry's" "Jerry?" "The dude my mom fucked. Oh you'll find out soon the way you're going. But you know what? When you get to be Gray again and know that you just lived the life of a crazy dude and no one believed you even though he or YOU knew you weren't crazy. Well jokes on you, turns out you were. You'll never forget understanding that fucker. Or maybe Gaara might be a blast. 12 years of complete anguish and loneliness, the pain, the need...the need....." He closed his eyes and started rocking back and forth, grabbing at his hair and scratching his temples. He was starting to sound pretty nuts, which didn't bother me usually, but this time I was terrified. Terrified, because for the first time since i've known the guy his paranoid, weirdo, bullshit that I always wrote off as crazy, was now starting to make sense to me. "I dont' give a fuck if you fuck up your life holding hands with faggot boy, but I won't have you get in the way of mine. You think Christian's a saint? A fucking weird, but thoughtful guy that helps you understand your friends and gets Aiden get his memories he forgot back?" The more he started saying his own name like it was a strangers, the tenseness in the atmosphere grew. I wanted him to stop talking, I didn't want him to do anything to risk what I wanted to keep doing, but if he disillusioned me how could I continue? " Yeah fucking right. Sure he'll give him back his memories (the him being Aiden himself), but not after he jumbles a bunch of random people's realites in there with them and have me guess which ones are mine. But I don't have to guess, I know the ones that are mine. Because they are the worst thing some one could ever do. If any of those good memories were mine, I wouldn't have forgotten them." Maybe Joni was wrong, if he goes through that every day he must be trying to make things right. Forgetting might be easier, but he takes the bad to have the good. "But if I see everyone's memories. I did everything. Meaning I did nothing. I don't know what bad things I did, so how's any of it my fault. Anyone's memory looks the same as mine. Aiden's memories are his fault. I didn't do them. All i know is what I know. Nothing. Everything. I'm no one but who I want to be. I just want one thing. But i can't have that one memory, I need all of them or else I am what I did. And I won't be him. I won't." Holy shit Joni was right, he's totally checked out. Pretending he isn't his own reality. I pondered about how delusional Jenn was about him. Was that her naturally or did Christian doctor her mind for the benefit of his friend. She's alive right so it doesn't matter he killed her? That's insane. It's all fucked up. I never wanted to think about these things in so much detail. "I got it dude, i'm done" He smiled for a second than decided to take the more stoic route and with dead eyes mutterred, "It will never be done" With that he pulled his jacket tight to his body as if giving himself a hug and stormed off.

#cheeseskittles

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15001700tt · 4 years ago

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Reflections of the Deep Sense of Self

well, i dont really have an audience except for a handful of mutuals and the many porn bots that i cant seem to get rid of no matter how hard i try but i am still gonna use this platform to voice out my thoughts since i have too many of them and i feel like i might drown if i don't talk about them.

i dont necessarily think that i am a person that is easily swayed by men, i was able to emotionally control myself quite effectively in my youth.

my first crush was simply a pick from the crowd to stop my friends nagging about who it was. i just observed the crowd and picked the most likely to not interact with my sort and said "him, he is so cute!" hoping that my friends wouldn't see through my facade. i didn't want to like anyone just because of their looks but I had quite literally not spoken to the male sort in my entire life (not including men I am related to, I was in all girl private school before I moved to America's public system) to develop an interest in them in a romantic or infatuated way even.

now this is just my introduction to my philosophical essay about whether hurt/ mentally ill people are inherently evil but I must admit that this was started because of other reasons. we might not even get to touch on that either, i tend to ramble and not get to the point effectively.

if you followed me long enough you would know that I was talking to a man I might've called Viking. but we do not talk anymore after I made my feelings clear to him.

i feel many things, most of the time, its anger, the other times, confusion, hurt, rejection..etc. but I do not blame him. mostly because, i am quite annoying as a human being.

one of the things i took to as a way to distract me from the pain, was reading. i read so much that it was impossible to feel anything except the emotions that I was told to through a page. but in between books I would have nights where i wouldnt be able to focus on the words, and I would ponder what was it i did wrong, what was it that made him deem me worthless, not worth responding to. and I would come up blank because my self-preservation wont allow me believe that because I made my intentions clear that I was in the wrong to do so when I feIt that our relationship was taking the wrong turn. if I am allowed to call it a relationship, because quite frankly it was a level below a situationship and a level above a friendship. that I was quite sure of.

as I sit here and write after almost two months of silence from his end and mine, because I refuse to be the one to break it. call it pride, call it stubbornness, I was not the one to ghost the other. i refuse to chase after someone who clearly does not want me. but still can't deny that I lay in bed every night at some godforsaken hours of the night wishing, and hoping that he would just take a step towards me. as I had done to him that one Wednesday afternoon in April.

my point is that my interest in men started out of necessity but it has evolved into a yearning of something that seems quite unattainable. i am not attractive by any means, but I am not of the ugliest sort. i have seen people with more weight with worse features than I with partners who could care less about appearances. which to say that my looks shouldn't be any good reason to ghost me. and while I don't necessarily think that my appearance was the reason for the silence I do struggle with the way l look so my insecurities have found a very good home in the found silence from him. i am working on losing weight out of a bet with friends but also out of bitterness but nevertheless, he is a man and if he wont block me than he must see what he is missing out on.

but again, I used to think I would never be that girl. the one who wanted something but she cant have it. which is quite the diabolical because the entirety of the 11 months we talked I had many panic/ anxiety attacks over how our appearances didn't match, our aesthetics weren't compatible, about how I was too ugly for him or too fat for him. but he seemed the sort that was straightforward and didnt waste other peoples times. i guess i was wrong in the sense that he kept me around because he was bored and disposed of me when it got too serious for his liking. i thought i always had the upperhand, that if things ended i wouldnt be too hurt about it and do what i do best, find the next boy to obsess over.

funny enough, he seemed interested. but i cant know for sure. i mightve made it up in my head.

i have a fear, which shouldnt be a fear but it is. remember how i said that my first crush was out of necessity? well that seems to be the case with me from 7th grade to the end of highschool. which is crazy because you would think with all the men i obsess over that i would find men attractive. i think there is a clear line between celebrities and fiction characters from a real person with undeliberate faults and thing you cant control.

i never thought any of my crushes were ugly, they were good looking but they didnt make me feel attracted to them. it didnt help that i was also the type to watch from a far and not the get close and comfortable.

considering this my first person that i liked and held an 11 months conversation/-ship with i think i did very good but that doesnt change that i read too many romantic book and i had a silver of hope.

a silver of hope that maybe i wasnt weird or shitty for not feeling attracted to anyone in my life. that i finally found someone who literally embodied my dream guy and couldnt have been more perfect. if only he was better at communicating.

he says that he is traumatized from long distance relationships, i now understand that it mightve been his fault. he doesnt communicate. in the 11 months we have known each other i know about a handful of things about him while he had me all figured out. except for one thing. he never got my fear of relationships. since i suspect he ghosted me because he thought i would want one. i guess ghosting me seemed like his best option.

i might not be undesireable but i am not anyone's first choice either. usingmedia to distract me from my emotions literally has become my life. i read about 15 hockey romances the weeks after the ghosting. i was already reading regency era adult romances but i couldnt bring myself to finish them because i had spoken to him about them. this decision i will regret because i talked about everything with him. i mentioned this before. quite literally everything reminds me of him. and its quite sad because i cant evn ssay what we had was special. i decided yesterday that he wasnt worth all of this, and i know he isnt. but i am tired. i just want to be dessired and wanted.

i literally stopped reading a book because the male interest did the same thing that he did to me, essentially to the female protag. i cant even pick up the raunchy adult romance.

i didnt let my self feel the extent of my emotions, only in small slivers of despair, or when i am too tired to pretend that his actions didnt affect me.

he was perfect in all ways but one and i was all faults except for one; my immenient need to communicate.

and no one knows, a friend of mine knows, but they dont know everything, i dont want her to get annoyed with me. i was in her place too many times and i refuse to put her through that. and our mutual friends?

hahahahaha the other night i was speaking with S, and he said that the last time he spoke to him, he mentioned me and Viking said 'oh i havent spoken to her in a while' thats it. no explaination no excuse. i dont even know why that infuriated me. i wasnt even worth an explaination in his eyes. S barely found out via vague summary from me. because even though i was/am hurt. i refuse to tarnish his reputation. 'in a while' ????? you mean two months? but then again S couldnt remember the last time he talked to him. but like still?

forget that we were flirting constantly i thought i was friend at least. i deserve more than this. i think. maybe not then.

i want to scream and shout and hit him and cry about why he didnt want me. but i realize thats self depricating. i should never seek validation from a man, i know but it wouldnt fucking hurt fam.

i have so much to say and yet i feel like its already too much. i should keep quiet. thats what people want from me. for someone who is 'boy crazy' i have not stomached going on a dating app, or boy watching in public because it physically hurts. for gods sake i cant even read fanfiction or just READ because of it. any sight of anything merely romantic makes me want to yell. i am tired and i want to turn everything off. including my stupid rat brain that only seems to be attracted to assholes.

but the same fucking stupid brain cant help but hope that is our enemies to lovers story. one day... god i hope one day...

#halie #i...dont even know anymore #thoughts #quite literally all the thing i want to say and i have much more #halie thoughts #i feel like crying #the other mutual friend is my best friend who introduced us in the first place and she was very flip floppy about the whole thing #i dont know whether shell say i told you sso or comfort me #quite frankly i dont know which i want or prefer #both options will make me histerical #i already am #i feel very dumb

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absolutelyxosmittenxo · 8 years ago

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Birthday Surprise for @Moggies-artz ⭐

As to commemorate my lovely companion, @moggies-artz, for surviving yet another rotation around the Sun, here's a little early birthday writing piece that surprisingly isn't related to RWBY. For the element of surprise, it'll be below the 'keep reading' line. Once October 30th arrives, please go wish her an exceptional bday! She most definitely deserves every grain of positivity shot in her direction. Thanks so very much for everything, magz. You mean a lot to me.

－ＶＯＬＡＴＩＬＥ {ＧＵＺＭＡ} ⭐

"What is wrong with you, Guzma?!?"

The leader of Team Skull growled, enraged, unrestrained flames of disappointment melding with anger engulfing him. He gnashed his teeth, criminal tongue planting the seeds that would blossom into strings of disjointed rambling. Cracking fingers acted as if they were sewing needles, knitting disorganized white roots into even messier gossamer. In the male's rage, he clenched his fist into a ball, bestowing the irritation upon an innocent bottle in his 'throne room'.

Frigid as an eternal crystalline outside the room, you overheard the carnage, breath hitching as the no longer sweet refrain of Guzma continued to berate. Not you---he'd never do that to you, his girlfriend. Not Plumeria, not Gladion, not the grunts. Not anybody expect for himself.

You've come to check on him, based on observations of his behavior from earlier. It had happened again, you knew what it was---Guzma failed in defeating that alleged brat, Sun or Moon, was it? Digressing, the second he arrived back at the base in Po Town on Ula'Ula Island, the big bad boss charged into his quarters, secluding himself from everyone else. He was beyond ballistic, you could tell.

Sucking in your pride, you concluded it was necessary for you intervene before the situation took a drastic turn for the worse. You embarked into your lover's room, unsurprised yet still cautious as you danced around the glass shards discarded every which way. A firestorm burned in your eyes, as you stepped behind him, back facing you. You were treading on this ice now, but there was no turning back.

"Guzma, cool it!" you hollered, attempting to grab his attention.

"What did you say to me, punk?! I didn't do nuttin-"

Said maverick turned, showcasing a scowl and bloodied fists; you were positive you would patch them up later. His demeanor depleted, realizing whom had entered. No one else, excluding certain instances, were courageous enough nor possessed the guts to confront him aside from you.

Both of you softened.

"Guzma, are you okay?" you inhaled sharply.

He panted, chest rising and falling immoderately. Even if his explosive personality was unleashed on multiple occasions, such a thing always remained unsettling.

"Your boy is tired, is all. Don't bother getting yo'self worried about me, [Name]."

"Do you wish to talk about whatever's troubling you? It's suggested and healthy for one to vent; get things off of their mind," unphased by the audacity prior, you shifted back and forth.

He picked at the back of his neck, "It ain't important."

"Smashing bottles and dirtying your hands over something insignificant... how peculiar."

You inched forward, scrutinizing the Bug-type specialist more in-depth. Gray, drying circles were complemented with the addition of bags, eyebrows creasing in the moment. The aforementioned fib the rival of Professor Kukui spewed wasn't disproven, as you were capable of seeing the blatant drowsiness, but it also was embodying the slightest indication of melancholy. It was spilling like an overflowing sink, plain and clear to see. To be straightforward, he was a wreck. You haven't seen him like this since...the day you learned of his father.

You tucked your digits into the gaps of his, giving him a lenient squeeze. "How does it make you feel, having me hold your hand instead of using it for violence?"

"Like you're treating me as if I'm some little kid. I ain't no fucking pint-sized punk anymore, ya know," this statement was debunked, as he eased up, appearing refreshed at the touch.

Volatile, was the word used to describe Guzma the second your eyes met his. Unpredictability, was his attitude, as he would oftentimes diverge from "don't give two shits" to "don't mess with me or you'll be dead in five minutes flat". But you stayed with him, sought after healing wounds that were sinking deeper and deeper. How was Guzma supposed to self-medicate himself if all he knew was how to self-depricate?

"When you're angry, try and think with your mind, not your fists. I don't want you bringing harm to yourself, Guzma," you cautioned, massaging him gently.

Guzma was revolted, gagging on laughter---but it was bitter, "Don't ya know who I am, sweetheart? I'm the one who never stops beating others down! I'm too stupid-"

"And stop disparaging yourself, too," cutting him off, you leaned closer to your boyfriend.

He revered the warmth your body radiated, embedding himself into you. All the times you've tolerated his childish temper tantrums, rudeness, unreasonable whim... Guzma, though he wouldn't display it, was both astounded and grateful you stuck around for so long. You rocked methodically, embracing the serenity.

"I admire you, ya know," you piped up.

"Ew," he discouraged. "Don't do that."

"Why not? You're admirable. Not everyone can say they ditched their family to create a gang of homeless kids. Plus, you're compassionate, empathetic, strong, brave..."

"Whatever ya say," though the boss of Team Skull dismissed it, metallic bodily fluid rushed to his cheeks. "Why do ya bother sticking around me all the time? Your boy just causes trouble."

"I'm always gonna be here for you, Guzma," you murmured into his skin, as if it were a prayer. "I know how you feel, after everything you and I have endured. Yet we're still alive. Besides, it's my job to take care of you, even if you are a big baby."

Reaching upward, you trailed kisses along his jawline, the nonconformists team leader beginning to feast on your lips hungrily, not allowing you to leave so soon. Yet you weren't impatient to whisk yourself away, even after everything. You wouldn't be leaving anytime at all.

"Regardless of how long it takes," you parted momentarily, "You and I can make everything better! I promise you that much."

#moggies-artz #birthday #gift #not rwby #birthday surprise

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andyl394 · 8 years ago

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REQUESTED - Not Enough

Request: Heeeey, I saw you had your requests open, and I also read your Familiarity fic AND GURL KILLED IT! Well, I’m shy and this is a weird request so… Yeah. Well, I was wondering, could you do a Peter Parker X Reader with angst? Like. ANGST. STUFF THAT FIC WITH PURE TEENAGE ANGST OR SOMETHING AND THEN IT ENDS WITH SOME FLUFF? Thank you! - Anon

Pairing: Peter Parker X Plus size!Reader

Word Count: 3,440

Warning: Cursing, Self- deprication(The one thing I’m good at), some angst, Peter being a cairing, sugary FLUFF boyfriend

(A/N): Ok, this have been on my request list from before Valentine’s day, I AM SO SORRY, PERSON THAT REQUESTED THIS. I JUST HAVE THIS HUGE BLOCK WRITER AND IT’S PISSING ME OFF AAAAAAA. *inhales* Well,I’ve been wanting to write a plus size!Reader for some time, by now an I do intend on doing one, but with Bucky, so… Yeah. Hope you enjoy this and sorry for any grammar mistakes!

MASTERLIST

“And I know that it wasn’t your fault that you had to cancel our last date, so I was thinking, would you like to pass at my place today?” When you didn’t get an answer, you mumbled, noticing that he wasn’t listening to you “Peter?”

Your heart seemed to sink in your chest when you followed his gaze and saw that he was staring at Lis. Ned frowned his brows when you stopped talking, since he was actually listening to what you were saying.

The sigh came out of you as you turned on your heels, hugging yourself when you saw he continue to walk, too focused on her to miss your heat.

“Dude!” Snapping his eyes back to an angry Ned, he looked around, finally noticing that you weren’t there anymore.

“Where is Y/N?” His best friend’s bitter chuckle made Peter frown his brows in confusion.

“She left after saying that it wasn’t your fault that you missed your last date. Oh, sorry, I mean: She left after she caught you staring that Lis and ignoring her being the best and most supportive girlfriend you’ll ever have.”

“Damn it.” Peter humbled, massaging the bridge of his nose when he got his focus back to you, hearing you sigh, and he knew that sigh. You would make it every time you were in front of the mirror, looking at your body after trying a new dress, shirt, pants, whatever clothing.

“If I was skinnier.” He knew you had a problem accepting your body shape and believing that he loved it and loved you, especially after him having a “thing” with Lis, the “Hot, Amazing, Skinny, Model”, as you would refer her as.

“Seriously, Peter. You really think she doesn’t notice you twisting your neck to look at your ex? You really think that she won’t start to imagine that you’re turning her down because you’re having a thing with Lis? Do you even imagine how she must feel?”

“I don’t have a ‘thing’ with Lis! Not anymore!” Ned huffed at his answer, denying with his head and walking to his class

“Is not to me you should say that to.”

Peter couldn’t stop himself from sighing when he entered the classroom and saw you in the end of the classroom; you were using an oversized hoodie with a spider-man pattern on it. You didn’t knew that Peter was your favorite super-hero, which made him even more delighted, since you were supporting him for being the vigilante and not his boyfriend.

“Hey, you disappeared out of nowhere.” Rising your head, you watched as he sat by your side for the first time in weeks.

“Are you sure you want to be seen with me?” Peter sank into the chair when your sincere whisper made its way to him. You did actually asked him that, as if you thought he was ashamed to be seen with you.

“Why wouldn’t I?” Shrugging your shoulders, you turned back at your notebook, drawing aleatory lines and patterns. “Hey… Why do I think I wouldn’t want to be seen with you?”

“Huh, I imagined, since it make some weeks that you’ve been sitting with Lis.” Your sad mumble seemed to hit him like a punch on the stomach, your eyes focused on the paper

“She’s been having trouble with biology, I just wanted to help.” You shrugged your shoulders again, trying not to look as hurt as you actually were

“I don’t mind, really. I understand if you prefer to sit with her. I guess she takes less space than I do, huh?” You forced a giggle, trying to make fun of yourself so it would minimize the damage of him finding out you were bothered.

“Don’t say that, you don’t take space.” Peter frowned his brows, watching you pull more the sleeves of the hoodie so they could pass your hands as you leaned your chin on it.

“My parents say the contrary.” He knew what you were doing; you were trying to make fun of your problems so he would ignore it. Everyone would fall for it, since you always made it look like it wasn’t a big deal.

“Your parents are jerks.”

“I know that, that’s why I live alone, Peter.” You pulled your book and opened in the page you knew the teacher was going to ask when she appeared.

“I’m sorry, babe.” He grabbed your hand, pulling it to his cheek, making you look at his melted chocolate eyes. “I know I’ve been being a total idiot and not giving you the time you deserve; I really want to make up to everything.”

“Well, you can start with, going to my house today at seven.” You cracked a smile, not being able to get mad at those honest puppy eyes.

“That sounds amazing! What about we watch Harry Potter? Uh, no! Maybe we could watch Star Wars! You know how much I love Star Wars.” You laughed at his bubbly talk, bringing his hand and kissing the knuckles of them before bringing to your cheek;

“Peter?” It was an instinctive reaction to snap his eyes quickly at Lis; she was holding her own books, placing it on the table in front of yours. “Are you sitting with me, today?”

“Sure.” You felt those waves of goosebumps being send through your body; those that seemed to come when you were about to cry or just feeling too sad. Peter noticed the weird feeling leaving your body and looked at you, noticing that you had grabbed the paper back and continued to scribble on it, releasing the grip on his hand. “I mean, sorry, I won’t. Not today.”

“Really? Is it because of her? She won’t mind, right, Y/N?” Rising your eyes at Lis, you met her beautiful face and remembered how you thought her and Peter made a pretty couple when they were together.

“Right. I’m feeling kinda’ off today, anyways. I’ll call it sick day.” You mumbled, packing your things and ignoring Peter calling your name, you walked passed them and almost ran out of the classroom. Not doing it because you were afraid to fall and make you look even more ridiculous than you thought you were.

“Love!” Peter grabbed your elbow, making your back bump into his chest, you would’ve asked him when he got that muscular, but you were too concentrated in not crying in the middle of the corridor, to give a fuck. “Sweetheart, what is going on? Tell me the truth, please.”

“The truth? How can you ask me for that when you are not being true with me?” He gulped when you turned to him with a hurt expression, knowing that he was a cause of it. “You’ve been lying to me since we started whatever this is. I’ve been ok with it, because I thought ‘hey, who doesn’t have secrets, right?’ but I can’t do this no more, Peter. I can’t cry myself to sleep another night because I’m not sure if my boyfriend is over his ex or even if he loves me. I can’t! I can’t undress myself from new clothes I bought for a date you turned down without giving any explanation. I can’t see your bruises and pretend I don’t know you are all stitched up from your neck down.”

“It’s… Complicated.” Peter sighed, part of him proud of his girl for being able to notice his hidden bruises only from looking at him, while the other part was broken that you would think he didn’t love you and that you were crying because of him.

“Then explain! Explain to me like I had to explain you how a woman’s body works, or how I had to teach you how to properly hug someone! Just say it! Say it before I go and jump into stupid conclusions!” He rubbed his face, trying to release the pressure of the headache that was begging to spread between his brows.

“It’s not something to say at school, babe.” Your frustrated sigh made Peter place both of his hands on the side of your face, stroking your cheeks with his thumbs and resting his own forehead on yours, watching closely your teary eyes and you trying to control your shaky breath. “I promise I’ll tell you tonight. I’ll tell you after we binge-watch any show you want me to. I’ll tell you after we eat four whole pizzas. I’ll tell you after we cuddle. I’ll tell you after I remind you of how beautiful you are. I’ll tell you after I say that I love you with all my might, and that I’m not ashamed of that.”

“Do you promise?” He looked at you with such admiration and love that everyone that passed by the two of you on the corridor, couldn’t help but to want someone to look at them that way.

“I promise, life.” You hooked on his hands, snuggling your face in his palms and turning to kiss both of them. “I love you so much, Y/N… How did you end up with a loser like me?” Peter brought you back to a tight and warm hug while you kissed his chest, nipping his neck and jaw.

“You are not a loser. And honestly, I’m the one to ask that. How did you end up with a loser like me?” He giggled and denied with his head, giving small pecks all over your face, making sweet grins appears on it.

“Let’s get back to class so I can sit by my girl’s side and make the boys jealous.” Loudly laughing, you denied with your head, snuggling into Peter’s side hug and tangling your fingers with the ones hanging next to your shoulder.

“Dork.”

“Your dork.” Feeling his lips on your temple, you smirked at Lis. Yeah, two can play the game, darling.

She huffed in annoyance as Peter sat by your side, ignoring her and whispering sweet things to you.

Lis wasn’t mean, no. She was actually pretty nice, but you were with the boy she loved, after all.

Is not as if she hated you, she couldn’t, since she knew you were a sweet piece of cake and could totally understand why Peter was with you.

“Mr. Parker, we all know you’re dating Mrs. Y/L/N, so you don’t need to be glued on her.” Stifling a laugh, you pulled away of your boyfriend. Not too much, though.

“At seven, don’t forget!” Peter smiled with your shout, nodding with his head and weaving as he watched you leave with worry to your work.

“Peter?” He turned his gaze at Lis; she was carrying his notebook with a guilty look on her eyes. “You’re going somewhere at night?”

“Huh, actually, yes. Why? Do you need anything?” She extended his notebook back to him; Lis had taken it to study.

“I was wondering if you… wouldn’t like to go on a movie with me?” Peter went pale when she finished her sentence, were you right on thinking that Lis still had feelings for him?

“Shit! Huh, Lis… I am so sorry if I gave you the wrong impression, but… I’m with Y/N, now.”

“But does she know that you are Spiderman?” Hushing her with his hand, Peter looked around, searching for anyone that might have heard what she said.

“She doesn’t, I’ll tell her today.”

“What if she doesn’t understand you, huh? And – uhm- dump you? Are you sure is the right thing to do?” Peter narrowed his eyes at the sight in front of him, remembering what Natasha had told him earlier that week; people can manipulate him with the slightest things. ‘you are extremely easy to manipulate. Work on that.’ She told Peter.

“Yes, I’m sure. Now, I’m going to see my aunt. Goodbye, Lis.” She watched as he got away and ran from her again. Why couldn’t him just love her as he loved you? What did you have that she didn’t?

“Him… She have him.” With a sigh, Lis moved back to the school as she felt sadness ran down her spine. “Guess you won, after all.”

And he was late.

More specifically, three hours late.

You blew off the candles on the table with the dinner you took most of your time to do it, but everything was already cold and wouldn’t be the same if you heated.

Glancing to the text that Peter had sent you hours before, you chuckled without humor, liking Ned’s picture that denied what you ‘boyfriend’ had texted you; that Ned wasn’t feeling good and that he would be some minutes late.

Well the only thing that made it’s way to your mind was what you saw earlier when you had to get back at school because you left your keys in your locker; Peter was really close to Lis, he had his hands on her and was intensely looking into her eyes before saying something that you couldn’t hear.

You didn’t even have the strength to take your new clothes off, but neither you were tired. You were just… Apathetic.

Apathetic and sad at the same time, and that wasn’t even possible.

Getting out of your apartment by the window, you took the fire escape to the roof, inhaling deeply and sitting at the edge of the terrace to watch the lights of Queens.

There was a silent buzz next to you, calling your attention; you saw Spiderman land next to you.

His suit was damaged, there was some blood spots and the person under it was puffy, taking sharp gasps.

“Hey.” You mumbled, backing your eyes to the lights “If I weren’t feeling like shit, I would probably freak the fuck out and fangirl… but I’m not in the mood, sorry.” He stood on the same spot, crouched and looking deeply at you.

“Why?” Shrugging your shoulders, you brushed off the feeling of familiarity that the voice brought you.

“My boyfriend turned me down, again… I mean, I get why he wouldn’t remember that today was our six months anniversary, since I just remembered when I was at work. But it doesn’t turn less painful, ya’ know?” Crossing your arms to warm yourself, you kept your eyes locked at one point somewhere on the building in front of you “He lied to me. He’s probably with his ex… Again, I get him. I mean… Look at me. I even tried to dress up nicely, but I’m still not enough.” The first tears came out as you felt him tense up by your side, you even thought you saw him raise his hand and back it down. “I’m not pretty, I’m not smart, I’m not funny, I’m not interesting… I’m just not enough. I’m not enough at work, I’m not enough at school, I’m not enough for my family, I’m not enough for my friends, I’m not enough for him… I’m not enough!”

Your sobs grew louder as you held yourself on the edge, trying your best not to lose your balance.

“You know, I worked really hard to pay for the dinner. I cooked! Can you imagine me cooking? Believe me, I’m no good next to sharp, pointy or explosive things. I’m clumsy.” Showing the prove of it, you raised your hand to show Spiderman the multiple Band-Aids wrapped on your fingers. “Well, it doesn’t matter anymore. The food is all cold, anyway.”

You weren’t the only one crying.

He couldn’t handle seeing you that way, so vulnerable and small. It took you a few moments of sobbing and sniffing to calm yourself down.

“I’m sorry; I just dropped everything on you… Your problems must be way bigger than mines.” Sniffing, you wiped away your tears, forcing a smile to the person that heard you whimper for minutes. “So… Vigilante, huh?”

Peter didn’t know if he was lightheaded from all the times he was throw around like a ragdoll minutes before, or if it was all the love he felt for you.

But the only thing he could do was bring you to his chest, tangling his fingers into your hair and pressing his covered lips on your forehead.

“Huh, Mr. Spiderman? I don’t know if you listened to what I said, but, I have a boyfriend.” He chuckled at your mumble, sniffing and nodding with his head.

“A stupid and unworthy of you, I may add.” Peter almost sobbed, you frowned your brows as you backed away, looking deeply into the mask before raising your hands to the end of it, asking for permission with your eyes and receiving a nod, you took it off from him; losing your air when you saw your boyfriend all bruised. “Hi.” You would’ve laughed at his awkward greeting if you weren’t worried by his state.

“To hell your ‘hi’! What the fuck, Peter!” Grabbing his chin so you could turn his face to see all the wounds, you heard him hiss in pain

“I’m so–”

“First we patch you up, and then we’ll talk about you letting me fangirl about you to you.” Peter chuckled as you got back to the fire escape, letting him use you as support, you helped him to enter your apartment and sat him on the couch. “Wait a second, I’ll grab the first aid, don’t die on my couch.”

“I’ll try not to.” Not being able to control, you let a light giggle come out while you ran back to your boyfriend and stood between his legs, using rubbing alcohol and gazes to clean all the scratches and cuts on his cheeks and chin.

“Strip for me.” Peter laughed at your wobbly brows, it caused him pain in the ribs and you noticed. “So that is what you do when you cancel our dates, huh?” You helped him to get out of his suit, letting it rest on his hips as you kneeled to the ground so you could clean the ones on his chest, ribs and abdomen.

“Yeah… I was going to tell you today, but… you know…” You hummed, full aware of his eyes on your face.

“What?”

“You’re beautiful.” Pressing harder into his ribs and causing him to flinch, you smiled innocently at him.

“Thanks.” You continued to work in silence on his wounds, it didn’t took him long to start to talk, bothered with you not saying anything.

“About what you said on the roof-”

“I am not talking about that.”

“Y/N.” He stopped your hands and you lifted your eyes at his, seeing pain, regret, love and devotion all mixed together. “You are more than enough, you are amazing at everything you do and I love that about you. You are the most beautiful girl I have ever laid my eyes on, I still can’t believe you accepted to go on that date with me six months ago.” Peter brought your knuckles to his lips before snuggling his own face on the palm of your hands. “I don’t feel anything for Lis, not anymore. I’ve been paying attention to her because she knows my secret. She found out and I was scared that she would tell someone about it.”

“If she do, I’ll beat the crap out of her. I don’t care if I’m the most pacifist person that walked on this planet, I will punch her in the face.” He laughed at your mumble and you stroke his cheeks with your thumbs, like how he did earlier that day. “Why didn’t you just told me, Pete? I’m your girlfriend, I would support you, no matter what.”

“It’s dangerous for people to know, love.” Peter whispered back, pulling you gently so you were even closer to his face; he watched your features, the ones he loved so much, the ones that filled his dreams, even when he wasn’t at sleep. “I’m sorry I made you feel that way, but I’m selfish and I can’t afford to lose you, not you… So please, don’t leave me.”

He rested his forehead on yours like he always did ever since you told that you loved each other a five months ago; you took his tired and in pain figure, not thinking before pressing your lips against his, stroking his eyelids and brows.

“Never. You’re stuck with me forever, Spiderman.” Peter sighed in relief, pulling you to lay by his side on the couch. You turned your back at him, feeling his hands nuzzle into your stomach as he cuddled you, taking a deep breath on the crook of your neck. “Star Wars or Harry Potter?”

“Whatever you want, my love.” His muffled words made you giggle and snuggle more into him, feeling pep kisses on your shoulder and neck; he would do that a lot.

But, well, who could blame him?

When you love someone, it’s hard to keep your hands away.

Condemned to a forever tagging: @fangirlandnerd

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