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#and then I watched em play Elden ring
owlf45 · 9 months
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Ragghhh I’m gonna miss my twin
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blindmagdalena · 4 days
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reminder that i do block default icon/untitled/empty blogs. all you gatta do is put a note or like 18+ or something in your blog description and i will leave you be. but the rest get in da fuckin gwound
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moon-ian · 3 months
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just beat bloodborne!!! :) playing sekiro next summer
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nerice · 1 year
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"who is it that miquella shall bless, if not the low and the meek" hhhhhhhhhh
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humming-fly · 8 months
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datasheet
Tagged by @hyrulianpirate ayy haven't done one of these in an Age haha
Last Song: I've been rewatching Arcane so last would've been Dynasties and Dystopia~
Favorite Color: I really love the turquoise shade of blue and pretty much every color the sky turns, pale pink is also a really nice one
Last Book: System Collapse! That one was sort of funny in that it was a christmas gift for my dad but I delivered it a few days late so I could finish it first lol (he owns all the other books and lent them to me when I first read 'em)
Last Movie: uhhhh wow legit can't remember that much. It might've been the Boy and the Heron?? I feel like I've seen something since then but maybe not!
Last TV Show: like i mentioned still rewatching Arcane haha, other than that really enjoying the new episodes of Dungeon Meshi as they come out! My sister also got me to watch some episodes of severance over the holidays so that was fun
Sweet/Spicy/Savory: prooobably sweet>savory>spicy? i def have a sweet tooth for better or worse
Relationship Status: (stealing this from prev lol) perfectly content ❀⸜(˶´ ˘ `˶)⸝❀
Last Thing I Googled: "murderbot diaries series in order" (i genuinely can never remember what the names for each book are XD)
Current Obsession: i mean ongoing obsessions are rather unchanged from the usual haha, still lots of fma and kirby stuff rattling around in my head, I also have some elden ring doodles I keep meaning to get back to. In terms of Really recent obsessions as of the past couple weeks have enjoyed diving into league of legend's lore lol, every time they release a cinematic i get curious and start dipping in and every time i'm Shocked how much stuff they have (though that might soon run out given how riot just laid off a lot of their creative team h a)
Looking Forward To: finishing my qualifying exam'll be nice!
Taggin: oh hmm, howsabout @alagaesia-overlord @aseuki @nymphofnovels @shubbabloggin @phantomrose96 @post-it-notes7 @angelfrost, in case any of you or anyone else wants to play!
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callsignbaphomet · 7 months
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Listen.
You can absolutely hate From Software games. You can hate the Dark Souls series, Bloodborne, Demon Souls, Sekiro, Armored Core, Elden Ring and any of the modern day well known FS games. You totally can.
...my condolences for lack of good taste though...
But! Even if you hate 'em or don't hate 'em but don't want to play them for whatever reason you should do yourself a favor and go on YT and search for Iron Pineapple's Elden Ring playlist and watch his "challenge" runs. Genuinely the funniest dumb fuckery on YT. Literally everyone is making guides on how to become a god before you even get halfway through the game but this man has dedicated hours to fuck himself over for the sake of entertainment. It's borderline wholesome how he goes about it too. If you need a laugh I highly recommend these videos.
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4d-hypermoth · 10 months
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The Game Awards, but just the announcements I care about:
Pony Island 2: Panda Circus - I have very vague memories of watching a playthrough of the first game, and the sequel looks absolutely bonkers in the best of ways. Also SUNGWON!
Usual June - Not much to say except it looks cool and I hope it turns out good.
Windblown - Never played Dead Cells despite everyone saying it's great, but man they really did just brutally murder those little animal dudes. Awesome.
God of War Ragnarök: Valhalla - Free update!? Based. Also that was absolutely a cyclops, I'm curious if they tie back in some Greek mythology stuff.
Big Walk - I have no idea what this game is but it better win Game of the Year 2025.
No Rest for the Wicked - Not quite sure what the game itself it, except that it's gorgeous.
5 New Sega Games - JET SET RADIOOOOO- ahm, I mean, this might just be the highlight of the entire show for me, despite how little was shown. Sega has so many cool old games that haven't seen the light of day in so long (though Streets of Rage had a game somewhat recently I think?). Anyway I'm going to break this up into individual sections despite each one having about 5 seconds of footage, lol
Jet Set Radio - Obviously this game was in production well before the release of Bomb Rush Cyberfunk, but I guarantee people are going to be way more hype for this thanks to Team Reptile. Seeing DJ Professor K in this new style sent me to a higher plane. Can't wait for more on this one.
Streets of Rage - I'm not really a beat 'em up enjoyer, but it's interesting that this game is going 3D.
Shinobi - This game looks very pretty. High hopes for this one. Hope it takes notes from all the big indie platformers of the last decade.
Golden Axe - This one looks veeeery interesting. I'm only vaguely familiar with OG Golden Axe, but the art style and the game being 3D have certainly caught my eye.
Crazy Taxi - HEY HEY HEY IT'S TIME TO MAKE SOME CRRRAZY MONEY ARE YOU READY? HERE WE GO! Very curious how they adapt this one into a modern title. YAH YAH YAH YAH YAH
OD - I'm not interested in playing this (I mean we don't even know what the game is besides horror... with really detailed faces), but it's a Kojima game so I'll nonetheless watch it from a distance. Hideo Kojima and Jordan Peele is a wild combo.
Black Myth: Wukong - Holy shit it has a release date. This game has looked insane since it's reveal, hope it lives up to the years of hype.
Tales of Kenzera: Zau - Everyone's fixating on the Critical Role logo lol. This one's got style and I hope it does well, but I'm not really a metroidvania guy so I'll probably pass.
Final Fantasy VII Rebirth - Cid real!
Blade - There are very few potential Marvel projects I'd be interested in this point... luckily Blade is still cool XD
Not a game, but after that Old Gods of Asgard performance... do I need to check out Alan Wake 2??? XD
Guilty Gear Strive updates - The original gun-wielding menace has returned. Dig the new outfit. I know at least one person who will be thrilled at Elphelt's return. Curious as to how this 3v3 mode will play.
Was not expecting Elden Ring DLC news - they literally said that it was still a ways off, so idk why so many people were expecting a trailer. Happy for Monster Hunter fans, even if I'll never get the appeal of those games. So many shooters with forgettable titles and/or minimal gameplay shown. And apparently Fortnite is a games platform now? Weird.
Congrats to Baldur's Gate 3 for winning the things. See yall next year when Foamstars sweeps the Game Awards.
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acethedria · 2 years
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Every single Elden Ring pun in SSS intros
Stream 1
What if Elden already rang? - Jacob
Stream 2
If you like it then you should've put an Elden Ring on it. - Julia
Elden Ring Fit - Julia/Jacob
Stream 3
If you Elden then you should've put a ring on it. - Jacob
If you're an Eldenly person, then you should get a Life Alert. - Julia
Do you know what my favorite Disney movie is? Eledin and the Prince of Thieves. - Julia
Where do underground luchadors fight? In the el Den Ring. - Julia
What does Elden Ring have in common with going to the polls? You gotta save Marika. - Julia
Stream 4
Y'know the other day, I got this new sweater, and I brought it home and put it on, and the dang thing started falling apart. I called 'em up, the clothing store. Turns out, it was made of elden string. - Jacob
Gen Zs these days only know about the elden ring, 'cause they're always on their phones. - Julia
Well, what ever happened to books. Where are you gonna learn about those Elven rings. - Julia
Stream 5
So, when I was a kid, we had a fort in our backyard, like a play fort, and I would always go up there. But in the fall, a bunch of leaves would fall into it, and I decided that I needed to clean out the fort of all the leaves. And so, I was going in there, I was reaching in, I was pulling out all the leaf piles, but I reached into one, and I felt a pain in my hand. And when I lifted it up, I had put my hand directly on a yellowjacket, and at the time it really hurt, and I was really upset about it, but now looking back, it doesn't seem so bad, because it was more of an elden sting. - Jacob
I'm really excited that we get to see the prawn man again, because he we all loved him because he was so tall and handsome as hell, so I'm glad we get to see him, even if its just in our Elden Streams, ahah, ahhahhh (to the tune of Taylor Swift's Wildest Dreams). - Julia
Stream 6
So, y'all, the other night, me and the ol' battleaxe here were out at the old Italian restaurant. And as I do always, I love a traditional Italian dish, I ordered the SpaghettiOs, the traditional Italian dish. Let me tell you, when they came out, the SpaghettiOs were way overcooked. They were mushy, the SpaghettiOs. So I called over, I said "Bring me the chef", I was snappin', and the chef came out, and I said "Excuse me, I ordered El Dente Rings." - Jacob
Stream 7
The problem with kids these days is that they don't spend enough time in the Elden Ring, they're too busy spending their all their time in The Circle, but what about that Ring? - Julia
Stream 9
Yammers, listen. You all know one of my favorite television shows is The Big Bang Theory. I think all the characters are great, but my favorite character? Sheldon Ring. - Jacob
Stream 10
Y'know when you're hangin' out with friends. It's time for one of your friends to pick a movie. They pick a movie and its a scary one. Sometimes its funny, unintentionally. But, y'know, you don't want your parents to see the scary movie that you're watching. So you go down into the little private room, and you pop that movie. Suddenly, that little room becomes the El Den Ringu. - Julia
Y'know when you're hangin' out with your friends and your brother brings home a friend who's like, really good at the drums, and those drums are down in the little private room. You don't wanna disturb the rest of the house. And then, that guy turns out to be pretty good at the drums but not phenomenal. That's an Elden Ringo Starr. - Julia
Y'know when you're hangin' out with friends and its the 90s and you go into your little private room and the phone rings, but you've got a phone in this little private room, so the noise that the phone makes becomes an El Den Ring.
Stream 11
Y'know when you're looking to have a moment, like a moment between you and someone else, just the two of you, 'cause you really want to ask a very big important question but you don't wanna do it publicly. Finally, you find this small, private room that's a little set into the ground level, and then you get to ask the question. Then you get to show off your El Den Ring. - Julia
Y'know when you order food and the delivery guy calls, and that's when your Din Ring. - Julia
Stream 12
Y'know what song from the 90s I don't miss? I don't remember what it's called, but it goes "Elden ring ding ding daa baa" (to the tune of Crazy Frog). - Julia
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tempural · 11 months
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i had a brain fart and tagged the wrong characters in my last post shhh 🤫 fake elden ring fan (i've never played any fromsoft games lol i've only watched other ppl play em and nod at the monster women)
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ratnurse · 2 years
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Em and I have spent the past three days sick as dogs with covid just lying around watching elden ring let's plays and sleeping 16 hours a day
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lewisibarra1512 · 2 years
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While I'm 72 hours in to Thanksgiving, which should thankfully help me buy time to animated more on my current project, I'd like to address last week's nominee reveals for the upcoming Game Awards.
First and foremost, the 2022 Game of the Year category. Beginning with...
A Plague Tale: Requiem - Published by Focus Entertainment and developed by Asobo Studio, the game follows siblings Amicia and Hugo de Rune who are on a mission of finding a cure to the latter's blood disease in Southern France while fleeing from soldiers of the Inquisition and hordes of rats that are spreading the Black Plague. It's a single player, action-adventure game played from a third-person perspective where, despite having two characters on screen, players assume the roe of Amicia who must face both soldiers from the French Inquisition and hordes of rats by doing battle against them. It requires loads of combat and weapons to choose from in order to survive and venture across the dangerous territories, while also acquiring a crossbow to easily defeat armoured opponents. Some weapons can be merged with alchemical mixtures to deal with those who are tough enough to prevent the player from finding the cure, so it's best suitable to watch out. The majority of Requiem is entirely larger than the one found in its predecessor Innocence, giving players additional options to progress, with stealth being fully expanded without any limitations. Unlike its predecessor, Amicia would not die after being hit once by enemies; she can also return to stealth only if being discovered, then counter attack 'em unless she gets too close. Hugo on the other hand, having an unexpected connection to the plague, uses an ability known as "Echo", revealing locations of numerous enemies through walls. Hugo can also control hordes of rats overwhelm enemies. These rats, similar to the previous installment, play a huge role in the game where they're light-averse. Both siblings must stay in the light, or they'll wind up being devoured by rats. Amicia can use them to her advantage, manipulating them to solve puzzles or lure the rats to kill enemies. The game also features a progression system in which the player will be awarded additional skills and abilities. Stealth players will unlock skills that allows them to sneak around more efficiently, while those who prefer a more lethal approach will unlock additional combat skills. Their gear and equipment can also be upgraded at workbenches. So A Plague Tale: Requiem almost feels like an open world beat-em-up where you fight for survival and looking for a cure that can not only save Hugo from a rat's ongoing plague, but everyone being affected. And the story itself feels a bit more despondent alone because of its dark nature and intense horror scenes that felt right out of films such as Creature from the Black Lagoon, Friday the 13th, Halloween and others. And you know what? It was fantastic. But the one thing I won't say it's fantastic is the dreaded Cloud based Switch version. (shudders) You definitely don't wanna look that up the next time you hear something that isn't physical...
Elden Ring - From the love-hate developer who brought you sluoS kraD* and SEKIRO, FromSoftware, comes Elden Ring, an action RPG where everyone can customize their player character on a journey to repair the Elden Ring and become the new lord, while representing a third person perspective and freely roaming its interactive open world, similar to Breath of the Wild and Minecraft but in a more darker and mature setting. Gameplay elements include combat using several types of weapons and magic spells, horseback riding and crafting. And just like every game developed by FromSoftware, it follows the same premise as sluoS kraD, SEKIRO and Bloodborne where the usual gimmick is dying every time a tough enemy or a boss fight occurs. There's fast travelling where players can equip with it whenever they're in a hurry. Players can choose a character class like a knight in shining armour, deal with enemies within melee range, summon magic, use weapons and even gather runes, an in-game currency that can be acquired by defeating enemies. As players are greeted with the usual "YOU DIED" sign, they lose all their stuff, but will be transported back to the Site of Grace unless they want to respawn and work smarter to keep the items. They can even summon friendly NPCs called spirits to fight enemies and make battling a lot more easier while earning spirit ashes in an open world environment. Okay, well, the story was written by George R.R. Martin (creator of the Game of Thrones books and TV series, despite me not having to watch the latter because I don't have HBO installed nor do I own a telly), which according to actual game reviewers was lackluster. But everything else? Critical acclaim. You get 94 on PC via Metacritic, and 96 on both PS5 and XBOX Series X. But like I stated on one of my recent Twitter posts, I highly doubt it'll ever come to the Nintendo Switch since I have no respect for Bandai Namco over what they've already become. I'd rather have more fun throwing bombs and hopping through the streets than eating pellets or bending the knee to an anthropomorphic potato. So instead of "This didn't age well", just say "We're kicking you out". It's that easy.
(*I say sluoS kraD because I don't want to have to bring up the same old game being affected everywhere. So whoever the creator is behind sluoS kraD, and it's not FromSoftware, you know what's more easier than dying? ME KICKIN' YO GLOB-DAMN--) [Cutoff Prevention]
God of War RAGNARÖK - Santa Monica Studios and Sony Interactive Entertainment brought you BOY, now comes TEEN! In which it's now known as God of War RAGNARÖK. Set after the events of its relaunched game for PS4 PRO in ancient Scandinavia, it follows Kratos and his teenage son Atreus as they discover the eschatological events of Ragnarök. Retaining its open world environments, its gameplay is similar to its 2018 installment, where combo based combat, puzzle and RPG elements are mixed in to give it a more medieval feel. There are two different roles in th game alone: In Kratos' main journey, he ventures off to seek the Ragnarök discovery. And in Atreus', there are some story missions players can partake to rely on his magical bow for survival whenever hunger strikes. This game was originally going to be released in 2021, but due to COVID-19 and Kratos actor Christopher Judge's health problems that occured in August 2019, it was delayed towards 9 November 2022. I will admit saying "BOY" has been one of PlayStation's most funniest memes that blew every console owner's minds whenever it happens on every YouTube compilation. No offense, by the way. Especially since he won a kart racing battle against someone I would mention, but not completely. Though, at least he rescued a couple princesses and they were in first place as well, so it didn't matter to them. I'm not going to get into spoilers of RAGNARÖK, so it's best to wait about a month before I see the whole thing. Oh, yeah. Storytelling, characters, visuals, level design and overall improvements over its 2018 predecessor were phenomenal. Whew, that was close!
Horizon Forbidden West - Another Sony Interactive Entertainment game, but it's not developed by Santa Monica Studio. Rather, it's Guerrilla Games involved. Horizon Forbidden West is the sequel to Zero Dawn, and features the return of Aloy in her attempt to revive the GAIA from being infected by a plague. According to Wikipedia, Horizon Forbidden West continues the story of Aloy, a young hunter of the Nora tribe and a clone of the Old World scientist Elisabet Sobeck, as she leads a band of companions on a quest to the arcane frontier known as the Forbidden West to find the source of a mysterious plague that kills all it infects. On her journey across these uncharted lands, Aloy encounters new regions ravaged by massive storms and deadly machines, and conflicts with a tribe of nomadic raiders who have tamed the machines as war mounts. She discovers a vast array of environments and ecosystems, including lush valleys, dry deserts, snowy mountains, tropical beaches, ruined cities, and underwater settings. It's an action RPG played from a third person perspective (Jeez, how many times do we have to go through this?) where players can explore the mysterious frontier known as the Forbidden West, a post-apocalyptic version of the Western US, specifically the states of California, Nevada and Utah; the map is larger than its previous installment. Exploration is improved with new underwater discoveries and combat using the Valor Surge system, freform climbing and tools such as the Shieldwing, Focus Scanner, Diving Mask and Pullcaser. The mission structure for quests better supports variety in objectives with compelling reward systems. The game was released on both PS4 PRO and PS5, with the latter receiving 88 on Metacritic. Despite the scalpers trying to snag so many consoles, at least going physical wouldn't hurt the sales. Critics have praised the larger settings, better improvements, combat and even a wide range of open world places to take a picture. Well, unless anyone has a PSN account for that, then they can use the latter to share where they are.
Stray - 2022 is quickly shaping itself up as the best year for Annapurna Interactive, since Neon White was included with three nominees at the Game Awards. And Stray is no stranger to cat lovers. The story follows a stray cat who falls into a walled city populated by robots, machines, and mutant bacteria, and sets out to return to the surface with the help of a drone companion, B-12. The game is presented through a [NOT GON' HAPPEN SUCKA]. The player traverses by leaping across platforms and climbing up obstacles, and can interact with the environment to open new paths. Using B-12, they can store items found throughout the world and hack into technology to solve puzzles. Throughout the game, the player must evade the antagonistic Zurks and Sentinels, which attempt to kill them. Development of Stray began around 2015 when former Ubisoft Montpellier devs Koola and Viv left the division to form BlueTwelve Studio prior to pitching the game to Annapurna Interactive. And they now approve. So overtime, during the game's launch, there had been an anomoly of fan art and animations dedicated to the game itself with some quirky and humourous elements put together, so since it's been a month, maybe it'll be worth a win. I mean, I don't know. It did receive favorable reception from everyone. But I might have to wait and see until it gets a Game of the Year win.
Xenoblade Chronicles 3 / Xenoblade 3 - And rounding up the category is Monolith Soft's big kahuna: Xenoblade Chronicles 3 (Or Xenoblade 3 if you're one of those people I refuse to blab it out). Set after the events of its first two installments [Xenoblade Chronicles and Xenoblade Chronicles 2], with the latter successfully originated on the NEW Nintendo 3DS system without the ridiculous use of mo-co's, the third and final entry takes place in the world of Aionios, where the mechanically proficient nation of Keves and the ether-oriented nation of Agnus are at constant war with one another. The world is divided into colonies, each with their own Ferronis, a giant metal mech, which contain a Flame Clock, holding the life force extracted from the deaths of opposing soldiers. The wars are fought by engineered soldiers with artificially limited lifespans of ten years (referred to as terms), all ten of which are spent on fighting to fill their colonies' Flame Clocks, hoping to reach the end of their tenth and final year to receive a Homecoming ceremony from their nation's Queen. Among both forces are "off-seers", soldiers who play special flutes in rituals to send off the dead, functioning as a short funeral. The game features six main characters, including two protagonists: Noah, a Kevesi off-seer accompanied by his childhood friends Lanz and Eunie; and Mio, an Agnian off-seer accompanied by fellow servicemen Taion and Sena. Despite having technical and graphical issues, it was extremely well received by critics for its rich story, authentic gameplay, orchestrated music (Just without the usual, plinky-plonky music) its characters and open wided scale where they can roam around and do whatever they want. Other than Monolith's successful handling of motion capture, I'm really glad Nintendo of Europe quickly became big over implementing its localization with its use of British slang. I mean, even if they didn't, that's fine. They'd toss it over to other European countries that use their own metaphor.
So that's the Game of the Year category. Now comes five bonuses I'd like to point out.
2nd, the Most Anticipated Game.
My nominee goes to Tears of the Kingdom. There are three reasons as to why I picked it over others:
• Square Enix committed en-eff-tee's and Yuji Naka is now in jail. • David Zaslav is now the sole overseer of Warner Bros. Interactive Entertainment under the new banner Warner Bros Discovery Games. • Starfied is a Microsoft exclusive, since I've switched to Apple Computers with the likes of iPad Pro.
Honestly, I would say something different about Resident Evil 4 even though I never played it before, but the two things I dislike a lot are zombies and mo-co's. You can tell that to the mayor who despises the former. Now, why Tears of the Kingdom? I'll tell y'all one very important thing: Hot, strong and handsome, ice cream eating pigs. Okay, I think I took it way too far; let's move on.
3rd, best debut indie game, including action and indie. My pick goes for Neon White. Remember when Toonami introduced me to the whimsical voice talent of Steve Blum? Same can be applied for Crash Nitro Kart with Emperor Velo XXVII. At first, when Neon White was originally intended to be a Switch exclusive, I wasn't expecting him to show off via a reveal trailer as the main character. But after seeing Annapurna kicking summer off with great games to play, especially seeing the Switch version receiving 89 which almost received universal acclaim, I reconsidered my decision of buying it. Unless there's a Black Friday or Cyber Monday deal elsewhere, I might just do that. But only if there's a physical release from Limited Run or iam8bit!
4th, Best Adaptation. My pick? Sonic the Hedgehog 2. Again, bringing up reasons:
• Both Arcane and Cuphead are Marc and Reed's bitches, thereby forcing you to pay more monthly instead of a year-round subscription. Remember what happened last time when they discriminated their animation division like a couple of hypocrites I almost kicked something breakable? • Didn't wanted to bother playing Cyberpunk, because... damn bunny. • Uncharted received mixed reviews at the box office. But I'm not blaming PlayStation Productions for this!
And finally, 5th. Make fun of a pink midget who couldn't earn game of the year potential. Hal Labs had its ups and downs, and perpetually tried its best to woo everyone over. But none of its games will never make it past the 80's within the 90's via Metacritic. You can criticize me all you want, but it's gon' take Hal Labs a lot longer to impress me with anything that comes to their own mind.
My overall thoughts of what happened last week? It's about to get insane. I suggest fastening your seatbelt and wait for the signal of hitting that nitrous button, because there will also exist world premieres. Expect the Super Mario Bros. Movie to feature Donkey Kong! And by that, we hopefully get a tease for a new game featuring him, including my only favorite Nintendo villain who I admire a lot and a big, bloated hippo of an orangutan Diddy Kong.
Alright. Break's over. Time to get back to work!
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dysiver · 3 months
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How bad can Dys be at Elden Ring-ing anyway? I'm sure it's not that bad? Elden Ring is my first soulsgame and I think I did fine on my first try 🤔 Dys has played Bloodborne, Code Vein, and even Lies of P before so I'm sure you'll be fine.
I think the issue lies with the fact that soul games are very hard to stream.
Like if we had difficulties for streaming games, I believe souls games would be at a 10, while most of the games I play are at maybe an 8 the highest, that being games like resident evil 4.
That's cuz in soul games you sometimes get stuck on the same boss for like maybe an hour or so, as you learn how to beat them + better strategies etc. Which can make small streams like mines get boring pretty quickly or muted, especially when my attention is mostly on the game and not chat. With big streams you at least have massive active chats that can help you bounce out the conversation non-stop even if most of your attention is on the game. My chat is very active and I love em but it isn't as big to continue half-one-sided conversations for hours. So when I play soul like games, I feel like I'm neglecting chat and not being an entertainer, which is what I'm supposed to be, and instead I'm just being a gamer.
The reason I stopped streaming lies of P was because while we started the stream with a decent number of people, as I got stuck on bosses that number would drop until maybe only one person was watching, and that would stick for the majority of the stream.
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rippeds0cks · 7 months
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3/4/2024
I have been weird lately. Some days ill be doing great then other days ill be as worse as ive ever been. These last couple days have been bad. Ive been so bad mentally that ive had to stop whatever im doing (eating, watching a movie, working out, playing elden ring) and just sit there and stare off into nothing. I zoned out entirely when i was driving yesterday. Ended up going 75 in a 45 and had to rush a break when i zoned back in so i didnt slam into the back of the car in front of me. Cant have that become a habit since im gonna be driving a lot soon. Buying a gun soon. Not for suicide or anything i need it for bears n such since im gonna be camping in the middle of national parks a lot. I havent slept well in weeks. Every night for the last couple nights ive been as close to tears as ive been in recent memory. I get really emotional laying here n my right eye will be teary but my left eye will not. I wonder if my tear duct is damaged in any kinda way since thats the side closest to my head injury. It shouldnt be since thats my better eye. Back when i got a cut on my left eyelid i was essentially blind for those couple days it took for the swelling to go down since my right eye is essentially useless. That reminds me, my dad is slowly catching onto how bad my health is. He made the observation “you might have something wrong with your depth perception cause you get really close to the cars in front of you when you drive” and i just went “haha yeah” when in reality my depth perception mostly went when i was like a very early 19 and i just got used to it. Fighting made me able to “feel” the distance between me and everything around me but that goes out the window when im operating a machine like a car. Ill get used to it i guess. Maybe start wearing my glasses.
I think that on this trip ill make the decision about reaching out to my ex. I think that if i get all the way to vegas and still think about her ill reach out for closure. Thatll be a while tho. Maybe well over a year. I dont know. Ive just completely given up any delusion of her contacting me. If contact is to be made itll be made by me. I just cant stop thinking about her and its already ridiculous so if it continues for so long that by the time i get to vegas i might as well reach out. Worst comes to worst and she loses her mind/gets a restraining order n i cant firefight anymore i can just kill myself its not a big deal. I just cant keep harboring these emotions forever. I already dont wanna harbor em im just too scared to reach out. It doesnt help that me n benj (mostly benj) bring up our exes a lot so i have to think about her. He says shit sometimes that unlocks memories i didnt know i had and it will make my ass catatonic for the day.
Like once i had a ptsd attack while asleep and i jolted awake and we were napping together and i woke up to her laying on me pulling me as close as possible and it brought my heart rate down and mental state down entirely, i was able to relax and calm down just cause she was there. She probably doesnt remember it since when i jolted awake she was mostly still asleep, just doing a slurred half awake “do u have to pee” to which i just said no n we both went back to bed.
I waa gonna type out another memory thats been replaying in my head where she lays with me as i was having full body convulsions and i was in some of the most pain i have ever been in. Rubbing my back and holding my hand. I was gonna type it all out in detail but im already shaking and crying out of one eye lol. No snot or anything tho so i dont know if this qualifies as crying.
Anyways i would give anything to be able to experience that again. The first and only person to ever love me and things went so horribly wrong. Both of our faults. I take the vast majority of the blame though. She takes the blame towards the end but the rest of it is my fault.
Anyways
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vecnawrites · 2 years
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Ain't no worries, boss man. I think everyone understands that sometimes, life's the biggest bitch of 'em all. Just take some time, have some fun and come back when you got your spirits up! I'd recommend Elden Ring and a bottle of Tequila, but I've been told that's not fun, that's a "lesson in masochism", lol.
Heh true, lifes a bitch and she has sharp teeth. But as for gaming and booze, I don't drink (history of alcoholics on my mother's side and I'm not risking it), I usually play games I have beat before or are light hearted. Currently playing the new Lego Skywalker Saga. Fun little game, although I am not looking forward to the Disney trilogy. I only watched Episode 7 and I was done 😅. Rogue One was rather good but that was an interquel between 3 and 4.
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