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rogueshadeaux · 11 months ago

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Chapter Twenty-Eight — Enigma

I sent a pulse through the water to scare off the giant reptiles, sitting at the edge of the wood planks and swinging my bare feet over, letting them dip into the water and feeling the touch sooth that constant ache in my back. A constant reminder that something was wrong.

5.8k words | Good Luck tbfh | TRIGGER WARNINGS: bodily harm/injuries/hallucinations [mentions only], Familial arguing, domestic terrorism? I feel like that counts. Tags warn of a mild chapter I promise.

“Yep,” Zeke Dunbar said as he lowered the vial from his face. Taking off his glasses, he set the sample down on his cluttered desk, leaning back in the green and black gaming chair. “It’s tar, alright.”

Dad looked like he was on the verge of either homicide or suicide. “We know it’s tar,” he said, terse. “What we need to know is what you know about it.”

We were all shoved into the little living room space of Zeke’s stilt house, barely settled in before getting to business. Dad leaned against the little bistro table off on the side, Dr. Sims had claimed a corner to himself and was typing away on a mini laptop on his lap, two regular sized ones on either side of him. Brent was next to me on the miniscule loveseat, leg jiggling away.

The guy seemed nice enough. The moment we got into his little hut, he had offered us food — ‘course, that constituted as two-day old bachelor pizza and soda cans from a mini-fridge that wasn’t all that cold, but hey, it was something. Especially considering the time was bordering two in the afternoon and we hadn’t eaten a decent meal in eight hours, give or take.

So that’s where we were now; sitting in his living room — which was smaller than my bedroom back at Salmon Bay, stomaching old supreme pizza slices and watching Dad regret letting Dr. Sims talk him into leaving Washington.

Zeke bit the temple tip on his glasses, thinking. “It was one of the first big issues we ran into after the Blast,” he began. “The woman that could control the tar was poisoning the water supply, made a buncha people her little minions by getting them to drink it. Once they had enough in them to change into Reapers, that was it. They were practically gone.”

“‘Reapers?’” Brent repeated beside me, mouth full of food. He had to be on what was his eighth slice; the entire way here he was complaining about feeling hungry. In the food and the Conduit sense. Could that have been because of his revival on the Causeway?

“That’s what the faction was called. You’ve gotta understand, after the Blast? It was an apocalyptic wasteland in there. Entire groups of people rose trying to take advantage of the situation. Who was gonna stop them, y’know?” Zeke shrugs. “The Reapers were one of those factions, led by this crazy bitch named Sasha.”

“That’s the one that was captured and experimented on by DARPA, right?” Dr. Sims asked from the side, not looking up from his computer.

“And the CIA.” Zeke added. “Hated the woman, but she sure got the shit end of the stick.” Zeke shook his head, ridding himself of his thoughts. “Anyways, yeah. Tar was there, and this looks exactly like it.”

“What could it do?” Dad asked.

Zeke trilled his lips, thinking. “Let’s see…it was different for Cole versus the rest of us normal people, I should warn you. He wasn’t nearly as affected as other people were. He’d get a headache like they would and feel a bit sick to his stomach but there were other things too. Being able to sorta hear Sasha in his head — he’d get these hallucinations—”

“Hallucinations?” I asked.

My mind was days back and worlds away, standing in front of my mom in that pit of crystals. Could that…could that have been a hallucination? It would have made sense; I was in the middle of nowhere, with a sky that lacked a sun and some underground tunnel that opened up to a tree grove. It didn’t make sense, and I had spent the past few days trying to rationalize that fact to myself. Maybe it was a dream, or something induced by that stasis Dad had found me in when I was floating in the Sound.

Some selfish little part of me hoped it was more than that, though. Was it irrational to sit there and pray that maybe I experienced death for a moment if it meant I got a second with my mom? Her voice, her laugh — God, I just wanted it all to be real.

So the confirmation that it wasn’t hurt my heart more than anything else could have.

Zeke looked at me curiously. “Yeah. He’d see these…mirages or what-have-you of people. Flashes of images, but that’s really it,”

Dad’s head cocked to the side. “Why do you ask, Jeanie?”

I froze; I couldn’t tell Dad about Mom. About what I saw. Not only would he shut down like he always did when she was mentioned, but I…I didn’t really want to share it with anyone at all. It would just lead to questions that I knew would sting, and I was too tired to try and keep myself from crying.

So I gave a noncommittal shrug. “Just wondering,” I said, adding on, “It wouldn’t…it won’t start happening to me, right?” to sell the lie.

Zeke shook his head. “Nah, not now. He’d only feel bad for a few hours, would usually shake it off after sleeping.”

“And he’d be perfectly fine the next morning?” Dad nearly demanded. “No lingering symptoms?”

“No, none.”

Dad groaned, looking up at the ceiling. “So this is a dead end.”

Dr. Sims finally looked up from his computer. “Not necessarily,” He began. “Augustine was transferred tar powers.” He stood, taking the small computer with him and setting it on the edge of Zeke’s desk. “Look,”

Dr. Sims’ arms gained those blue circular gauntlets, and there was a flash as the dimly-lit living room was bathed in the same color, pixels spreading through the air before condensing, becoming some holographic screen that free floated in the small open space.

“When the fuck did you learn to do this?” Dad demanded, looking over at Dr. Sims, who waved him off.

“I got ahold of nearly half of the DUP’s records years ago during the UN trial,” Dr. Sims began. “Managed to download them without anyone noticing during Augustine’s testimony. There’s one instance of a Conduit with tar powers in the entire seven years they were working—” he pulls up a file featuring the mugshot of this startlingly beautiful woman who was bald, eyes deep and unsettling. Like she knew many different ways to kill a person and get rid of the evidence. “Sasha LaRue, tar Conduit.”

Zeke nodded. “That’s her. Crazy bitch,”

“So what does that mean?” Dad asked, looking through the screen at his friend.

“It means that if there’s any place tar came from, it’s her.” Dr. Sims nodded with his head towards the mugshot. “She was one of the first Conduits they tested on. She was one of the first they killed.”

Brent’s leg stopped jiggling, and he leaned forward, elbows resting on his knees. “But would the DUP keep her tar? How did Archangel get it?”

“You don’t need a Conduit’s powers to do a power transfer,” Dr. Sims started. “You need their rayacitin protein.”

“Their what?”

Dad looked over at us. “Have you guys not gone over Conduit physiology in school?”

I snorted. “They barely went over human physiology, are you kidding? Our teacher was Catholic and skipped over so many things ‘cause she didn’t want to ‘put ideas in our heads,’”

“Let alone the conduit physiology portion,” Brent grumbled. “They were an affront to God,”

Dad rolled his eyes. “Why did I even pay for you two to go to that school?”

“Well,” Dr. Sims started, “Rayacitin is the protein that gives a Conduit powers. Helps us perform conduvergence — which is when you use your power — and makes your fast healing happen. You only need a copy of that protein to artificially activate a Conduit’s conducrine gland.”

“Which means if they kept any of this woman’s DNA on file, there’s a chance that’s where they got it,” Dad groaned.

Zeke slowly set his glasses on his desk. “There’s…another place they could have gotten her DNA from.”

Dad’s head snapped around to look at Zeke. “What do you mean?” He asked cooly.

“Well, Sasha was captured by the First Sons, too.” Zeke pointed out. “They drained her of this stuff just like DARPA did, and used it in Empire City—”

“But Empire City’s gone.” Dad interrupted. “How would they get the DNA from her if it’s underwater?”

“Y’think tar doesn’t float? And Empire City wasn’t the only place them bastards worked.”

Dad glanced over at Dr. Sims. “Where else were they?”

Dr. Sims grimaced. “Well…here. New Marais.”

“This is where the power transfer device was used first too,” Zeke said. “Both versions.”

Brent held up a hand as if in class, but didn’t wait to be called on. “Wait — what’s the First Sons?” He asked.

“They don’t matter.” Dad started with that annoying finality he’d been carrying around the past few days. I couldn’t take the coddling anymore.

“Dad,” I began, “If they’re — if they’re a part of this somehow? They’re important.”

“They’re not something you need to worry about—” Dad tried to decide for me instead this time. Decide for me. I huffed a bit, shaking my head, making him blink before his face settled into a scowl. “What?” he demanded.

“When are you gonna stop acting like we’re—” I struggled for a minute to find the words, “Like we’re too precious to know about this stuff, Dad? Too young?”

Dad grit his teeth. “You are too young to have to worry about this,” he insisted.

I shook my head. “Didn’t really seem to stop them from doing this,” I said, raising my right arm to show off my nice little prize from the last time I was deemed ‘old enough’ to be a part of this. “We’re adults in ten days. Are you gonna make me wait for answers then, or are you gonna let me try to help figure out how to fix myself? It’s too late for us to not be involved in this.”

We stared each other down through the blue light of the holographic screen, unblinking. He couldn’t keep leaving me out of things that affect my life and claim he was trying to protect me! I was sick of being treated like I was too fragile to handle anything.

Dad eventually sighed, looking away. “The First Sons were this cult,” he started, relenting. Definitely didn’t look happy about it, though. “They basically engineered Conduits. Figured out how to activate them fully. They were the reason for the Empire City Blast.”

“I thought that was a terrorist attack?” Brent asked beside me.

Zeke shrugged. “Was it not?”

Everyone fell silent at that; it hadn’t really connected with me before this moment that we were talking to someone that actually managed to survive Empire City. Not until Zeke got that same haunted look on his face Dad would when he talked about Mom or Uncle Reggie.

Dr. Sims inhaled, taking the reins. “If what you guys found all those years ago working with Raymond Wolfe is true, the DUP seized almost all of the First Sons’ information. There’s nothing regarding them in any of my files beyond the power transfer device.”

Zeke laughed mirthlessly. “You think they did? Especially when half of the organization is in the bottom of the Birmingham Sound?” He shook his head. “Nah. The DUP didn’t have everything, and I can almost guarantee it.”

Dad’s eyes narrowed at Zeke. “Are you saying you have information they don’t?”

Zeke nodded. “Without a doubt. Don’t remember exactly what — it’s been nearly twenty years since I’ve touched anything. But I have some dead drops, a few documents. Stuff Cole and I managed to pack on the boat before heading here. Nearly everything we did find while we were here.”

Dad straightened. “Where is it?”

“‘Bout thirty miles east, buried underground.” Zeke responded. “But I can go get it. Maybe with all that, and by putting our heads together, we can get a lead on where exactly this Archangel came from, and what they want.”

Zeke stood, cracking his neck before saying, “It’ll take me a few hours to get where I need to go and dig it all up, so why don’t y’all rest up? You guys look beat.”

There was a brief period where Zeke and Dr. Sims talked before Zeke donned some rain boots and left, footsteps echoing away on the dock outside before the motor to his own boat started. Dad looked at Dr. Sims as he called back the holographic projection accusingly. “I told you coming here was useless,” he said.

Dr. Sims rolled his eyes. “You don’t know that yet, Del. How about we look at everything he’s got before we say it’s worthless?” He glanced towards us before adding. “Besides, they need to rest, and we need to talk.”

I didn’t like the look the two exchanged before Dad nodded. “Yeah,” he resigned. “Yeah, okay.”

I woke up on the very edge of the full sized bed, Brent’s snoring in my ear.

As if plopping too hard onto the bed and breaking the wooden frame with his weight wasn’t enough, he was now spread eagle on the mattress, leaving me the smallest sliver of space on the edge of it. One of my legs had already lost the fight and was lying against the cool wood floor, and there was no shoving him back to regain space when he was too goddamn heavy to move.

The room was almost pitch black thanks to how off the grid it was, the pale quarter moon barely doing anything to cast a light through the window. I nearly headbutt the doorframe as I tiptoed blindly out of the room, my phone — and its flashlight — stored away somewhere so no one could track it to Zeke’s hideout.

He was really cautious, and I couldn’t help but wonder what he was running from. I mean sure, Archangel was a concern now, but he’d been living like this for years if what Dr. Sims said was true. Why the caution, why the fear?

The top of the stairs squeaked under my foot as I went to put my weight on it, so I took the rest of the stairway as a wave, solidifying on the bottom. Something in the center of my back twinged as my skin returned, leaving me to shrug my shoulders awkwardly to get the stiffness out. That gland Dr. Sims talked about, that’s what it was. That’s what hurt.

Dad was on the loveseat in the living room, legs thrown over its arm. He was asleep, thank god — meaning it was easy to slip past him and open the front door, stepping out into the night. I walked along the dock, looking down at the near-black waters and the small white specks of the alligator eyes that caught the moonlight, twinkling like their own little stars in the abyss.

A constant reminder that something was wrong.

It never hurt before. Using my powers. Maybe it was just because I was only really beginning to heal from what happened in that fight with Augustine, or maybe it was because I was in that stasis for a long time; but either way, there was a consistent sting in my shoulders just like when I start to run out of water and need to drain more. Like the organ wasn’t getting enough.

Was it not?

I sighed hard, letting my head drop into my hands; I had no idea what was going on anymore. I was confused, and scared, and felt angry that Dad couldn’t even trust me enough to be either without treating me like a child. How was I supposed to ask him questions about what’s happening if I couldn’t be sure he’d tell me the truth? He blames me for all of this, I just know it — and I couldn’t even disagree.

I sat there in the dark, the chorus of the crickets and the scream of the generator doing nothing to drown out my thoughts. The sound of that car crash on the Causeway and Dr. Sims’ power trying to restart Brent’s heart echoing in my head. The way those icicles felt pushing into my skin. The smoldering of COLE’s burned remains. All haunting. All because of me being trapped in that alley, or turning my back, or doing something I was told not to do. All my fault.

“You know, the gators will bite off your toes if you stay there,” a voice called, making me jump and nearly sending me off the edge of the dock.

I spun around, looking for the source and failing to find it until Zeke called, “Up here,” from the top of the old train car. He was sitting in one of those folding lawn chairs, using a cooler as a footrest.

I laughed awkwardly, inwardly cursing; damnit, I was looking for a moment alone! “Nah, I uh,” I glanced back over my shoulder to the water. “I scared them away with my powers.”

He nodded. “Right, right — water. Y’know, you’re the first water conduit I’ve met. I mean, I’ve met someone that could use steam, ‘couple light Conduits, even another steel one like your brother. But water? That’s a first.”

I nodded, the awkward silence rushing over us despite all the noise of the night. I was on the verge of bidding him goodnight and going back inside when he motioned for me to join him without speaking.

I hesitated for another moment before moving to join him — what was I going to do, tell the host no? It felt rude to brush him off. So I swallowed my pride, figuring five minutes of my time wasn’t gonna kill me, and walked up to the old train car, climbing the ladder on its side.

Zeke stood, offering me the chair and refusing to hear otherwise when I argued. He pulled two drinks out of the cooler, offering me a beer.

I looked at it before glancing up at him. “I’m seventeen,” I said.

“Woah-ho-hoookay, never mind,” He chuckled, crouching back down to the cooler and setting the offered beer off on the side. The ice in it was already gone, replaced with cool water that sloshed around as he murmured, “Pretty sure I…I’ve got cola here somewhere…” He made some sort of triumphant whooping sound as he pulled out a store-brand coca-cola, passing it to me.

“Thanks.” I murmured as he closed the cooler and sat on top of it, looking off into the swamp. I fought the top of the can for a moment, trying to open it with the hand in the cast before giving up and swapping hands, frowning.

“I saw what you did.” Zeke said. “The fight with Augustine. Gotta say, you were impressive — wouldn’t have expected a kid to be able to do all that. The whirlpool? Holy hell. Bet you’re a hit at pool parties.”

I had to admit, that managed to get me to laugh. I never even stopped to consider the type of things I could do at a pool or a water park or something. “I’ll have to try it when we…when we’re done with this,” I said, the chuckle dying off in my throat.

Zeke leaned forward, beer hanging in his hand between his legs. “Don’t worry about it, kid,” he began. “We’ll get to the bottom of whatever’s going on.”

I nodded, unspeaking. How could he be so sure? I definitely wasn’t.

“I got everything from when Cole and I ran around for your pops and Eugene,” Zeke added. “Found some other things from when I was working with the Conduit Rights League and Project Sanctuary, though your dad probably has access to those files, being a part of COLE.”

I glanced over at him. “You…you really were friends with Cole MacGrath?”

Zeke chuckled. “Friends? We were practically brothers.” He said. “Met him when I moved to Georgia as a kid, I was the new kid and always being, you know, big boned, I immediately was bullied. Didn't matter to Cole though. He came up to me at recess, didn’t even let me talk before pulling me into some spy game, and we were inseparable after that.”

“So you knew each other since you were kids?”

Zeke nodded. “Eight or something like that.”

“Wow,” I murmured. The great Cole MacGrath, and Zeke knew him before he hit puberty. “What was it like? Being there for…” I drew off, unsure how to summarize it, “All of it?”

Zeke chuffed. “Wild, but you also gotta remember — the world was ending. Everything was flipped on its head. Cole having powers was just one of a buncha fucked up things going on, we couldn’t even really concentrate on that.” Zeke took a swig of his beer. “That being said…it was pretty badass. It felt like I was there for my best friend’s superhero origin story. It was like them old comic books we used to read as kids.”

Zeke seemed humored in a melancholic sort of way as he thought back to whatever memory was playing in his mind then, and I let the conversation die for a moment, nursing the soda.

But — God, I was sitting next to someone who knew Cole MacGrath! The first Conduit. I couldn’t really keep myself from talking as I asked, “How did he deal with it?”

“With his fists, mostly,” Zeke comments, glancing over at me. There was minimal lighting outside — just a few floodlights on the front of the house and the old train car — but it was enough to see that his eyes, now lacking those sunglasses, were brown. “But it was…something else entirely. There was no group or someone to talk to. We were on our own through most of it, especially at the beginning.”

My brows furrowed. “You mean…like, learning to use his powers?” I asked.

Zeke nodded. “Yeah. Our version of training was having him charge up dead car batteries or shoot mannequins we stole from JCPenney.”

I played with the tab on my soda. “Was it hard for him to figure it out on his own?”

“Both times sucked pretty bad,” Zeke said. “The first time, after his coma, his powers were just outta control.”

My brow furrowed. “His coma?”

Zeke nodded. “Took him a while to brush off what happened after the Blast.”

After another moment, I asked, “How long was Cole MacGrath in a coma for?”

“You can call him Cole, I don’t think he’d be upset.” Zeke chuckled. “And he ain’t here to yell at you if he is. But, to answer your question, a week. There were actually a couple times he was put outta commission by something.”

A week. “So there’s a chance that — what’s happening to me — it’s something that’ll fix itself?” I asked.

Zeke sighed. “Let’s hope.”

I didn’t like how noncommittal that answer sounded.

“Did he ever…” I drew off, unsure of how to phrase the next question. “Was there ever something wrong with his powers after getting hurt?”

Zeke looked over at me, cocking an eyebrow. “Why? Is there something wrong with yours?”

“Dad said that my mom had something go wrong with hers.” I started. “And I don’t — there’s nothing wrong, but it sorta hurts to use my powers. Like I feel sore when I do.”

Zeke hummed. “Have you told Eugene this? Your father?”

It was still so weird to hear Dr. Sims be referred to so casually. “No,” I admitted.

“You need to. Anything regarding your health right now, they need to know.”

I knew he was right. I just didn’t want to admit it; I let Dad know the truth, and he’d put me in bubble wrap and tie a leash to me so I wouldn’t be able to move or stray far without his permission.

There was a moment of silence where I looked down at the drink in my hands before Zeke said, “Once.”

I looked up at the man, who was staring off into space. “Hmm?”

“There was one time Cole’s powers were messed up after a fight.” Zeke clarified for me. He brought the bottle to his lips and threw his head back, chugging the entire thing in a five second span that I was sure would have impressed Brent if he was here. He moved to open the spare, clearing his throat. “The first time he fought the Beast, it had…broke his powers, I guess you could say. He wasn’t strong, could barely drain. Lost some of his mojo, too — all the old moves he could pull with his electricity? Gone.”

My brow furrowed. “Like he, what, forgot how to use them?”

Zeke nodded. “Was too weak to use some moves and had to rebuild himself, but after that? Lost some completely.”

What? “The Beast broke him?” I asked in disbelief after a moment. Zeke nodded. I’d never heard of anything like that happening before. “Then how…how did he get fixed?”

“Time. Blast Cores.” Zeke chuckled to himself as an afterthought. “Probably pure spite, too,”

“Blast Core?”

He looked over at me. “You don’t know what the Core Relays do,” He realized. He readjusted to face me better before continuing, “You know how every nuclear generator has a little core to make the energy, like a battery?” I nodded, prompting Zeke to continue, “Well, Blast Cores were the battery. The middle part that powered up the whole thing, nuclear-style. An informant we had told us how it would give a Conduit new and stronger powers. It’s how he juiced up to fight the Beast in the end.”

“I didn’t even know the relays were nuclear energy,” I admitted. “Just thought they were some weird battery.”

“Nope. They’re straight RFE.” Zeke said simply.

RFE. Ray Field Energy. That was that secondary field of energy they discovered around the earth, I think. It’s what I answered on my Earth Science exam at least.

But something popped up in the back of my mind, in flashes of blue and visions of water. “My Dad, he — there was this thing that happened with a Core Relay. He managed to hit me with the power from it when he was trying to drain it, and it gave me visions of how my powers worked.” I looked over at Zeke. “Did Cole ever experience anything like that?”

Zeke nodded. “Oh yeah. Sorta like a premonition of how the power worked?” I nodded vigorously. “Yep. He’d get them when connected to a generator too, back in Empire City. We had to bring the electrical grids back online and when he’d connect that current, it did something. Would show him a new power. Dunno why, though.”

“I think…” I drew off, lowering the can from my lips. “I think it’s because he was connected to the element. It happened to me when I was fighting Augustine — the water helped me when I got hurt. It…it reminded me to breathe and it washed out my cuts, and it gave me these flashes of visions on what to do to fight her. When you’re in your element? I don’t know, it feels like you become—“ I faltered when I looked up to see how Zeke was looking at me. “You become one,” I finished meekly.

He nodded once. “Kinda how Cole had described it.” He said. “Gotta be nice, that feeling,”

I shrugged. “It’s something. Kinda weird, kinda cool.”

He raised the bottle, pausing with it pressed against his bottom lip to ask. “And the hallucination?”

My heart skipped a beat. “T-the what?” I stuttered. Completely unconvincingly, may I add.

Zeke finished his swig. “Kid, I’m a lotta things, but I’m not stupid. Not usually, at least. When I was talking about how the tar worked, you looked like you had seen a ghost.” He shrugged. “You ain’t gotta tell me, but I just wanted to ask. Definitely seemed like you had questions.”

My eyes fell to the ground and then closed, Mom’s form imprinted on the lids. I could still picture her smile with ease, how expressive her eyes were when her voice rang in my head. She wagged her eyebrows a lot when she talked — she seemed so expressive in everything. It felt too real to be fake. “Cole, did he…what were the hallucinations like?” I asked, opening my eyes. I didn’t raise them though. “You probably don’t know, actually—“

“No, I do. Somewhat. I know he imagined up his dead girlfriend.” Zeke said solemnly. “Enemies attacking him.”

“Any sort of…terrain change?” I asked gently.

Zeke shook his head. “No, but then again, he only accidentally swallowed the stuff. I know yours went in your bloodstream, gotta imagine it would change things.”

I nodded, letting silence fall between us and fiddling with the tab of the can until it popped clean off. Zeke let it linger too, and I wasn’t sure if I was grateful for that, or if the tension of my manufactured memory was enough to make me audibly say it. Confirm to someone else that for a moment, it was true. “I saw my mom.” I said simply. “She’s been — I don’t remember her, she died when we were babies. But she was there in this weird place and had hugged me and talked and laughed and it—“ my voice cracked, and I clammed up immediately. “It felt so real,” I finished on a whisper.

“You’re worried it’s not,” Zeke declared simply. I just nodded. “Well, lemme ask you something: does it matter?”

What? I looked up at him, the edges of his form blurry through my tears. “Huh?”

“In the end, does it matter if it was some hallucination? It was a moment with your mom.” Zeke leaned back, looking up at the stars. “I sometimes have dreams with people I’ve lost. My momma, Cole, my old dog Beefcake. I count them as a different sort of memory; them checking up on me. And I mean, sure, I wake up sad they ain’t real — but does it matter?” He shook his head at his own question. “Nah. It’s important to me, and that’s all that matters.”

“I just wish I knew what was…true. What’s going on,” I said.

“We’ll figure it out. Way your dad is going, he’ll have it solved before the week is up.” Zeke said.

I cringed; Dad was doing nothing but being snippy and rude to Zeke, and it was obvious that he didn’t like the guy. “I’m sorry about him, by th—” I started before Zeke waved a hand, cutting me off.

“Ain’t your fault. Can’t even get angry at your father. He’s gotta be stressed outta his mind, trying to figure out what’s wrong with his little girl.” Zeke sighed. “Can’t say I wouldn’t act the same, if I were in his shoes. He’s scared outta his mind right now. Can’t fault him for it.”

“He’s mad at me,” I said solemnly. “I keep messing up and getting us into more and more trouble whenever he solves one issue.”

Zeke shook his head. “I don’t believe that—”

“I almost got my brother killed coming down here. I didn’t hide like he wanted me to when we were being shot at by those snipers and Brent almost died because he — he had to worry about keeping me alive. I killed so many people in Seattle. I got kidnapped in Portland ‘cause I wasn’t cautious enough and it ended up getting Archangel to bomb COLE.” I set the can down on the train car’s roof— my hands were shaking too hard to hold it without spilling some. “I keep messing everything up.”

Zeke leaned forward a bit. “I don’t think he blames you for anything.” He said softly. “Your dad reminds me a lot of Cole — ever since he got his powers, he’s had to sacrifice. I know he lost his brother. I know he lost your mom, and his parents, and a buncha his tribe. He’s scared of losing you too, especially now that someone’s hunting him. He’s stressed and wants to keep you safe — and I bet he feels just as guilty about the fact that he wasn’t able to the last few times. He’s trying to keep you from being in some position where he can’t help.”

I blinked. “I hadn’t…thought of it like that.” I admitted. All of the precaution and anger Dad was feeling; was it because he was scared, not angry at me? Not blaming me for everything that was happening or thinking I was incapable of taking care of myself after getting hurt?

Zeke left the conversation floating there, letting me sit in my thoughts. I had to admit, it was hard for the silence to feel awkward around him; there was a comfort to his presence that said nothing really needed to be said. It left me to stew in my thoughts regarding Dad, to sit there and imagine a moment in his shoes. Watching him fall into the Sound, not finding him for days, and once I do, him not healing. God, I’ve been so blind. “I think I’m going to go talk to my Dad,” I said suddenly, standing. I’ve been so scared and confused that I’ve been taking it out on him more than understanding he’s feeling the exact same way.

“Sure,” Zeke nodded. “I’m gonna stay out here a while longer, maybe have one more before bed.” I’ll be in later, if you want to have a private conversation I could hear in the tone. I smiled gratefully at him before whooshing off the edge of the old rail car and down to the dock, solidifying from the wave on its rough wood.

Dad jumped awake when I walked back into the house, not bothering to be quiet. His arm lit up in ash and ember as he blinked sleep out of his eyes, moments away from blasting off a shot before realizing it was just me. “Jeanie?” He asked scratchily, clearing his throat and shaking the smoke off of his hand. “What’re you doing awake?” He sat fully up, swinging his legs around so he was facing me — and it was then that he realized I was crying. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m sorry.” I couldn’t stop the tears once they started. “I’ve been mean a-and rude with you when all you’ve been trying to do is help me and it’s—“

“Hey, hey, no,” Dad hummed. His arms wrapped around me immediately when I hit the ground in front of him on my knees. “It’s okay.”

“I’m scared.” I admitted into his chest. “I don’t know what’s happening anymore,”

“I know,” He muttered into my hair. “I know. But I promise you, I’ll do everything in my power to fix this.”

#infamous erosion #infamous second son #infamous #infamous 2 #fanfic #cole macgrath #delsin rowe #Zeke Dunbar #Eugene Sims #Fetch Walker if you squint #I am so tired of coming up with chapter titles I need y'all to know this #Sucker Punch Productions #An OC teaser as well!!

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innerpalaces · 6 months ago

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The Life of a Cannon Fodder Mother-in-Law - 3

Chapter 3: The Deceived Mother-in-Law 3

Liu Yuniang's tone was stern. Qi Hechen stopped arguing, lowered his head and said, "Mom, I know I was wrong. Please help me this time. I really want to live a good life with Yan'er."

Liu Yuniang hated men who didn't take responsibility the most. She mocked, "If you really wanted to, you wouldn't have accepted another girl's gifts to the point where you can't refuse her now." These words were extremely rude. Qi Hechen looked up in surprise: "Mother?" Liu Yuniang waved her hand: "You can make up your own mind, but again, if you really want me to go, it will be to propose marriage." If Qi Hechen wanted to propose marriage, he would not come to his mother for help. He was extremely puzzled: "Mom, aren't you afraid that Yan'er and I will quarrel?" "You are already married, and are about to be a father and start your own family. Is it useful for me to be afraid?" Liu Yuniang said solemnly: "Hechen, your father and I will not be here forever. You are already grown up. You should solve problems by yourself. Don't rely on us." Qi Hechen was surprised, and after a long while he said: "Mom, you said that you treat me and my sister the same. Do you really mean it?" "Even if it's different, that's normal!" Liu Yuniang said seriously: "Ten fingers have different lengths.(t/n: This is a commonly used idiom meaning that even though something is the same - ie. 'fingers' - doesn't mean they are equal - ie. 'different lengths'). All parents are biased. The only difference is just how biased. "

Qi Hechen: "..." He never dreamed that his mother could express her partiality so confidently. Isn't she afraid that it will affect their relationship as mother and son? "Do you prefer my sister because I am not your biological child?" Liu Yuniang smiled angrily: "You know how I have treated you over the years. If you insist on thinking that way, there's nothing I can do about it." Qi Hechen was unconvinced: "You make it sound like I'm a white-eyed wolf. This son always respects and admires you, but you..." "Really? " Liu Yuniang yawned: "I didn't sleep well last night. Let's talk about it later." With that said, she entered the inner room. Qi Hechen still wanted to say more, but no one was there to listen. He stood there and couldn't recover for a long time. His mother... seemed to suddenly no longer care about him. When he came to ask for help today, he never imagined that he would be rejected, because in the past, his mother wanted to their husband and wife to love each other. She was most afraid of someone sowing discord between them, and evgen once severely punished a maid who was interested in him. He was puzzled and couldn't figure out the reason, so he could only leave in frustration. Liu Yuniang leaned leisurely on the soft couch, listening to Qi Hechen going out. She knew in her heart that he would not be able to coax the girl when we to her door today.

In the evening, Qi Zhengming, who had not been home for a few days, suddenly came back and insisted on having dinner with her. Fortunately, Liu Yuniang had already eaten, otherwise she would have lost her appetite. "Madam, I have something to discuss with you." Qi Zhengming said almost as soon as he put down the bowl and chopsticks: "Hechen met a girl outside. Seeing that he was born into a wealthy family, she thought of entering the household to be a concubine. A family like ours can indeed take concubines, but they must be of good character. A girl with a pure nature would never volunteer herself as a bedmate like this. Tomorrow you take the time to go to the Liu family in Walnut Alley and give them some money to make them give up this idea." Liu Yuniang waved her hand: "Hechen is not a three-year-old child. Does he still need my help with this kind of thing? It's not good to spoil him this way. Let him figure it out on his own." Qi Zhengming was speechless: "Madam, if this matter gets too big, the couple will quarrel. If the in-laws come to visit, you will have to deal with it. " "We'll worry about that later." Liu Yuniang said seriously: "This matter is originally Hechen's wrong. Let him learn a lesson so that he will not make the same mistake again in the future. " You..." Qi Zhengming was a little anxious, because if she refused to go, it would fall on him. "Madam!" he said in a serious tone: "You can teach the children a lesson anytime. They say family scandals should not be made public. We can't lose our face outside." Liu Yuniang looked at him and asked, "So, you want to let me be the villain?" Qi Zhengming was speechless. He really didn't want to go himself, and Qi Hechen really didn't want to be known as a ruthless person, so he refused to come forward in person, so he came to persuade her. "If you don't go, I won't go either." Liu Yuniang raised her voice and ordered: "Take the food away and prepare water for me. I want to take a bath." After saying this, she didn't even look at him and went out on her own. She refused to help and seemed angry when he refused to say anything. Qi Zhengming was too lazy to coax her and walked away. The couple separated unhappy. When Liu Yuniang was washing up, she called the maid and gave her instructions. So Qi Zhengming, who had just left home, received an invitation from a friend to go out for a drink. He was troubled and readily agreed. The friend Liu Yuniang found was fond of drinking, but his family background was average and he could not afford good wine. She was very direct and asked him to accompany Qi Zhengming to drink and soothe his sorrows, and she paid for everything. It was rare for that person to encounter such an opportunity, so when he ordered the wine, he naturally went for the more expensive ones. In order to enjoy himself, he persuaded Qi to drink many times. Therefore, Qi Zhengming did not return home that night, he stayed in a restaurant and remained drunk all day the next day.

Drinking so much caused him to oversleep and he ended up breaking the promise he had made to his son. So, when a girl surnamed Liu came to the door, Liu Yuniang was not surprised at all. After hearing the servant report that she was a friend of Qi Hechen, she immediately invited her in. She also sent someone to invite Zhao Zhenyan.

Zhao Zhenyan was in the house and came over very quickly. To be honest, she was always impatient dealing with this mother-in-law, but she was an elder so she didn't dare to disobey her. "Mom, what do you need from me?" Thinking of what was about to happen, the smile on Liu Yuniang's lips became gentler: "There is a person outside who claims to be Hechen's friend. I thought you might know them, so I invited you over. " After learning that this was the case, Zhao Zhenyan's expression softened: "What's their name?" Liu Yuniang picked up the tea cup and covered the smile on her lips: "I don't know yet. I heard she is a girl." At this moment, the maid came in with a girl in a pink skirt. It could be seen that the girl was very nervous, tightly gripping her sleeves with white fingertips, and she was walking cautiously, as if she were afraid of stepping on the bluestone. On the other side, Zhao Zhenyan, who subconsciously raised her lips a polite smile when she heard that the guest was about to enter, could no longer smile at this time. She is the only daughter in her family and has been pampered since she was a child. She also has a domineering temperament. Liu Huixin had always been kind to her after getting married, so she still had a straightforward temperament and directly asked: "Do you know my husband? Why haven't I heard him mention you?" Liu Chanchan said: "Greetings to Madam." The greeting etiquette was done well. Liu Yuniang nodded: "Welcome." She also asked someone to serve tea. Her gentleness also made Liu Chanchan relax slightly, showing a shy smile. It was probably a woman's intuition that made Zhao Zhenyan feel very uneasy at this time. Looking at the woman in front of her, she asked again: "What is your relationship with my husband? Why did you come to see him?" "He..." Liu Chanchan lowered her head. : "The satchel he asked me to embroider has been finished, and I brought it to him personally." As a man, it is normal to find an embroiderer if he needed something embroidered for him. But such arrangements should be left to others. Qi Hechen didn't need to worry about his food, clothing, housing and transportation at all. How could he find an embroiderer on his own? Besides, looking at the shy appearance of this girl and the expressions on her face when Qi Hechen was mentioned, only a blind man would believe that there was no romance between the two. Zhao Zhenyan's face was already livid: "My husband doesn't need to find someone to buy satchels from. All the embroidery on his body are made by skilled old artisans. You must have remembered wrongly." She shouted: "Someone come, see off the guests." Liu Chanchan's face was full of surprise and her eye circles gradually turned red. Seeing the maid coming to escort her out and that Zhao Zhenyan was so rude, she blurted out: "Madam, haven't you heard of me?"

"No." Zhao Zhenyan spoke firmly and wanted to urge the maid to hurry up. Before she could speak, Liu Yuniang took the lead and said: "Girl, you know my son's name and you also found your way here. I believe you two know each other. But Zhenyan is right, all my son's clothes and accessories are taken care of by the two of us. It's really not his place to go out and do the shopping. You'd better tell me the real purpose of your visit." Liu Chanchan looked at the two of them and asked again: "You really haven't heard of me? Liu Yuniang nodded: "Who are you? Where do you live? How did you meet my son?" Zhao Zhenyan next to her felt particularly uncomfortable. She didn't want to know this at all. She said in a deep voice: "You leave." "Since you have come to the door, let's make it clear before leaving." Liu Yuniang made the final decision. Zhao Zhenyan clenched her teeth in anger and her chest kept rising and falling. "Hechen... Master Qi said he wanted to pick me up, and he also said he had discussed it with his family, so I came." Liu Chanchan saw that Qi Hechen didn't show up for several days, and no one from Qi's family came, so she felt a little uneasy, that's why she came here. It takes a lot of courage for a girl to visit her lover alone. But Liu Chanchan also knew in her heart that there were some things that she couldn't force. But if she didn't fight for herself, good things would definitely not happen to her. Qi Hechen is a scholar, and the Qi family is more afraid of outsiders knowing about their dealings with her than she is. When Zhao Zhenyan heard these words, her head buzzed, and she felt difficulty breathing for a moment. After finding her voice, she angrily yelled: "Where did this crazy woman come from!? She dared to come to the door to make trouble! Come, kick her out!" Liu Chanchan's face turned pale. Liu Yuniang had already said: "Stop." She turned her head and looked at this cheap daughter-in-law disapprovingly: "Since she is here, we must ask questions clearly before letting her leave. Hechen is a scholar, and such things cannot be allowed to ruin his reputation." When Liu Chanchan heard this, she reacted very quickly and immediately said: "If you drive me out, I will bash myself to death at the door of your house." Liu Yuniang: "..." This girl is so smart. Although she has long known from Liu Huixin's memory that Liu Chanchan is difficult to deal with, it seems that she still underestimated her. Zhao Zhenyan gritted her teeth with hatred: "What do you want? " Liu Chanchan lowered her head, feeling a little embarrassed. The elders of a family have always made the final decision on marriage matters, whether rich or poor. Yet she secretly interacted with Qi Hechen without telling her family. If her parents knew about their relationship, they would not stop it, they would even be very enthusiastic. But this is not what Liu Chanchan wants. She doesn't want the relationship between the two of them to be mixed with other people's interests, and she doesn't want him to misunderstand that she only loves him for his money. "Young Master Qi said that he would accept me into the household." Zhao Zhenyan's expression changed drastically. The cup in her hand fell to the ground and broke into pieces. Tea splashed everywhere.

t/n: Although Liu Chanchan and Liu Yuniang/Lui Huixin both have the surname 'Liu', they are not related. In the original chinese, the character for Chanchan's 'Liu' is a different character than Yuniang/Huixin's 'Liu', so they are actually different words (like bear vs bare).

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#the life of a cannon fodder mother in law

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snow-system-wol · 1 year ago

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OC-tober shorter prompt list from @endrae,

Day 4: Dream

Home was just as S'ria remembered, perfectly unchanged.

It got cold out here sometimes, when the temperature dropped at night, but sitting around the fire was enough to help except for only the coldest times of the year. Warm food helped too. S'ria gratefully took a bowl of soup from his mother as she settled back down across from him. Her hair was a somewhat darker and more saturated color than his (and far curlier besides), but it always had this amber glow to it when the firelight caught it just right.

S'ria waited patiently for her to start eating, gently nudging G'raha to do the same. Normally, the Nunh would be served first, but they must've gotten here late after travel, after others had already eaten and presumably since gone to sleep. It was kind of his mother to stay up and cook for them, at whatever time it may have been.

It was halfway through the meal, once S'ria felt fully warmed through, that she got their attention.

"So, Ria, are you going to properly introduce me to this "Raha" of yours?"

Her voice held only a mix of fondness and amusement. S'ria relaxed. The tone, at least, was a good sign. G'raha looked rather the opposite of relaxed and S'ria put his hand over G'raha's where it rested on the ground. It's fine, he tried to convey.

"This is G'raha Tia, my… partner? Yes, that's the best word for us." S'ria realized they'd never had a recent conversation about labels, but – it seemed right. Lovers was not something that needed to be touched upon, and boyfriend just felt…too casual for what this was.

"A G Tribe boy, huh? I assume you two met in Eorzea, not somewhere farther off. What's the story there?"

"Ma, haven't I told you that in my letters?"

She frowned at him. "Yes, but you always leave out so many details." The smile popped back onto her face. "Besides, I want to hear it from G'raha."

G'raha shot S'ria a somewhat panicked look and he just shrugged helplessly. She could be persistent, G'raha may as well. S'ria held back a fond laugh – if she wasn't careful with the whole Allagan research part, she might get a bit more out of G'raha than she expected.

S'ria was anxious as well, but for different reasons than G'raha �� they'd talked before this, agreeing to please not tell his mother how dangerous his life was, but it was hard to dance around without lying. She'd… worry so much, if she knew.

"Y-yes, ma'am." (S'ria wasn't sure if anyone had said "ma'am" to her in her entire life before this moment.) "Well, 'tis honestly a rather simple story. My topic of research as a scholar was always the ancient Allagan Empire, you see, and there was a perfect research site in Mor Dhona. Your son lived in the area at the time and was always picking up whatever jobs interested him. We met because he agreed to some material procurement and to helping us with, uh – he was a bit like a bodyguard?"

Short and not inaccurate. Well, bodyguard wasn't a lie, at least – and it was better than 'volunteered to clear out possibly the most lethal bit of Allagan architecture ever located.'

S'ria's mom gasped delightedly. "Oh, that's very romantic. If S'ria was protecting you, I can see why you fell for him." Her eyes narrowed. "You're able to take care of him too, right?"

G'raha briefly looked terrified. "Of- of course! Archery just wasn't the best thing to use for that situation – and I've since taken up various forms of magic, for both combat and healing."

Her face softened. "...Healing magic, that's good. I'm glad."

G'raha relaxed, apparently having passed whatever test that was.

"Was it love at first sight?"

G'raha seemed to have far less difficulty or hesitation answering that one. "Honestly? Yes."

"And Ria, how long did you keep him waiting again? Three years?"

S'ria's tail bristled. Gods, he couldn't even defend himself here. Technically it was less than one year because he was in suspended sleep. No, that wouldn't do – though there was at least an excuse he could give that was truthful.

"After his work was done at that research site, I… actually didn't see him again until recently." The sense of regret in S'ria's voice was not faked, even if his mother was somewhat in the dark about what caused it.

Her face fell and S'ria immediately wished he had just let her make fun of him and kept the subject light. "Oh, I'm sorry dear – that sounds like a sore subject." She walked around the firepit to collect their empty bowls and pat their clasped hands. "You two are together again now, that's the important part."

"Yes." S'ria and G'raha both spoke at the same time and she smiled at them.

"You both must be exhausted after traveling here. That tent on the end is vacant for you both." That familiar teasing look came into her eyes again. "Do try not to wake anyone up, yes?"

"Ma!?"

"I'm joking, Ria – G'raha seems far too worried about our opinions for that."

S'ria was certain that G'raha's face must be entirely red by now. S'ria had tried to warn him, his mother was very prone to teasing when it came to her son, even if it came from a place of deep love. She would definitely start breaking out embarrassing stories in the morning, S'ria just knew. Ah, but – G'raha would probably genuinely enjoy hearing about his life, wouldn't he? For some reason, S'ria felt as though he hadn't told G'raha nearly enough stories about himself.

S'ria cleared his throat and pulled G'raha to his feet. "Well, we will be going to lie down – to sleep, after traveling halfway across Gyr Abania today." He dropped the semi-affronted tone in favor of something softer. "Goodnight, Ma".

She turned to walk to her own tent with a good-natured laugh. "Goodnight Ria, Raha."

G'raha half-stifled a gasp and S'ria squeezed his hand. Once they were sitting down in the tent, alone, S'ria turned and whispered to him.

"Are you all right? Is it... okay that she called you that?"

"Y-yes, I. Yes. I am very all right."

"Good."

The tent was small, as most were, and the process of removing their travel-dirtied outerwear would probably have been easier outside. They managed. There wasn't exactly room to stretch out side-by-side – the whole tent was probably smaller in floor space than S'ria's bed back in Revenant's Toll – but it wouldn't be the first time they'd slept in very close quarters. S'ria lay down behind G'raha, wrapping himself around his back and pulling the blanket over them both. Even if G'raha had the occasional faux-complaint about their height difference, he was the perfect size to hold like this and they both knew it. Warm, the scent of G'raha mingling with the scent of home, S'ria had no trouble falling asleep.

---—---

S'ria's face was already wet with tears when he opened his eyes. It was still night, the faint aether glow around Mor Dhona the only source of light from his window. He didn't think he'd be able to fall back asleep any time soon, but it didn't feel bad. It felt… some sort of relief, to be honest, to be allowed that extra moment with her. The dream felt like a rare moment of kindness from the gods.

S'ria wasn't sure what he believed in, but a part of him would like to think that the conversation meant something, that his mother would've truly liked G'raha if she was still alive to meet him. It was nice to think about, if nothing else.

#ffxiv-oc #snow-system #oc tober #ffxiv oc #tw grief #g'raha tia #wolgraha

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bookandcover · 1 year ago

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It has been far too long since I wrote one of these. I’ve gotten out of the habit. I’m also out of the habit of reading thoroughly in the way I long to, and best enjoy. It is thorough reading that lends itself to these reflective writing pieces, to tracking my thought process about a book. I have been in the habit of rushing through books for my book clubs during the busy school year. With the advent of summer break, I hope to return to that depth of reading and reflection. Let’s start with The Vegetarian.

I read this because I loved (and was disturb, challenged, and changed by) Human Acts. Han Kang has a new book out that I hope to read this summer as well. This book has much of the same dream-like thinking, gritty realism, complex psychology, and weighty symbolism that made Human Acts so compelling. Like Human Acts, the choices around narrative point of view (who tells their story and whose story gets told) feel deliberate, strategic, and powerful. This book felt a bit less mature as a novel than Human Acts, which makes sense given it’s an earlier work by Han Kang. I felt that the framework of metaphor and meaning was a bit harder to piece together here. There were more different loose threads and more questions remaining for the reader at the end of the book. I left the novel wanting just a bit more clarity, of the type that I had gotten from Human Acts.

That being stated, there was so much in this novel that was evocative and memorable, and which will stick with me—as imagery, as emotions, as concepts—over the years.

We begin with Yeong-hye’s dream. It’s the dream that moves her to stop eating meat early in the novel. The nature of this dream is revealed only in fragments, as Yeong-hye’s narrative point of view is never included (she is never given a voice, in her own story). In fragments scattered among her husband’s narration, we see parts of dreams (some of which, I later realized, draw on real memories from her childhood). This left me unsure of what Yeong-hye’s dream really was: the dog dragged in circles after her father’s motorcycle until death (later, it’s clear this is a memory)? A strange moment of cannibalism (bodies in a barn, teeth sinking into flesh)? A face in pain that repeatedly confronts her? The weight of all the dead things she has eaten settling over her heart, their bodies in her body? The dream that changes Yeong-hye could be all of these things, one of them, or none. The brutality in all these images is clear.

I deeply internalized this early explanation of Yeong-hye’s vegetarianism because it is—bizarrely, incredibly—exactly like my story. I became a vegetarian more than 13 years ago after a dream. I woke up the next day and I never ate meat again. Full stop. I have a different explanation I often give for my vegetarianism: that week, my town’s last small farm (one where my family had often volunteered our work efforts, and where we had befriended the generational farmer) went out of business. No longer able to survive as a small-scale, local operation in the face of climbing costs and competition from factory farms, the farmer went bankrupt. She needed to get rid of all her animals—about 200 sheep and 200 chickens, and 100 cattle—in 48 hours. My mom and I had helped with this, strategizing together, and my mom made phone calls to plead with people we knew to take some of these animals, so not every one would be sent to slaughter. This experience forms the backbone of my vegetarianism. Despite raising sheep and seeing other 4-H kids sending animals to slaughter, I understood that the real enemy was the factory farm operations in which animals were raised cruelly and unsustainably in order to drive down costs. I wanted to practice what I preached and one small way to do that was to not eat products I knew were coming out of the factory farming system.

This is the rational explanation I give about my conversion to vegetarianism. Even from myself, at times, I think I have hidden away the dream. The dream is what really changed me because—in the dream—I felt everything. I understood the horror of the factory farm on an emotional, not a rational, level. My dream feels hard to explain or share because words don’t adequately capture what it felt like, still so vivid in my memory all these years later. When the topic of my vegetarianism arises, I spend a lot of time not looking at my dream directly. In my dream, I was in a warm, dark space. There was the breathing of hundreds of other animals all around me. I could feel their presences and their bodies pressing in around me. I’m not sure what form my own body took, but I perceived the dream from the eye-level of the other animals. Among them, I felt a kind of individual invisibility, a kind of blended “togetherness.” But then, I suddenly understood what was coming. I saw with crystalline horror the future just in front of us, as we were being funneled out of this dark enclosure and slaughtered. Sliced at our soft throats, second jaws gapping, dangling. I could smell the blood. I could feel the deep terror in my body, like a cramping pain inside me. The certainty of death washed over me, and the need to stand in that certainty, to just anticipate it. I woke up, shocked awake.

The impossibility of adequately explaining how this dream felt to me, and how I woke up changed from it, makes the early fragmentation of The Vegetarian accessible to me. What is it to try to articulate the dream that redirected an essential thing? It’s better for us, the readers, to stay guessing a bit about what, exactly, is the dream. Anything less than this would feel cheap.

Yet, this novel, it quickly becomes clear, is not really about vegetarianism. Unlike Yeong-hye, my conversion to vegetarianism went that far and no farther. Yes, I know the people in my life responded much better than Yeong-hye’s did (in fact, all my immediate family members subsequently became vegetarians), but Yeong-hye enacts a complete disengagement with the exploitative world humans inhabit and normalize on a daily basis. What is this book really about? It’s about control, and gender. It’s about obsession, and art, and self-awareness. It’s about power, and nature, and what makes a life worth living (or ending).

The three narrators—Yeong-hye’s husband Mr. Cheong, Yeong-hye’s brother-in-law, and Yeong-hye’s sister In-hye—play out different responses, different levels of understanding, and different personal battles in the face of Yeong-hye’s increasing mental, emotional, and physical deterioration. While a key theme across the Han Kang books I’ve read is the problematic nature and impacts of the patriarchy (the violence, both physical and psychological, that men are permitted to enact on women), I felt a surprising amount of sympathy of a key male figure in this text: Yeong-hye’s brother-in-law. While Yeong-hye’s husband’s narration is repulsive in its dismissiveness of Yeong-hye’s inner life and personal experiences, and Yeong-hye’s father is revealed to be a key abuser in her childhood, Yeong-hye’s dynamic with her brother-in-law—while problematic—felt more mutually painful to me as a reader. I mention this because the brother-in-law’s narration feels like an area in the book of incredible nuance worthy of discussion. While it would be difficult to disagree about the problematic and outright morally wrong role of Yeong-hye’s husband and father, the role her brother-in-law plays is more complex. In-hye’s horror at discovering her husband and sister’s affair seems fully justified. She seems right to perceive her husband as taking advantage of her sister as her sister descends into madness. However, the brother-in-law seems to exhibit some striking similarities to Yeong-hye in a way that unites and binds them together. His obsession with the image of her Mongolian mark, and the flowers blooming on her, feels reminiscent of her obsession with the face from her dreams. An obsessive image is destroying him (his destruction includes that of his family, his role in his family, and his societal obligations). Distraught with obsession, both characters have something they want to get from the other, something they believe can be achieved by their union: relief. Viewed in this light, the brother-in-law seems as powerless in their affair as Yeong-hye does. Both are desperate, helpless, and mentally overwhelmed to the point of making choices they would not have made under normal circumstances. This feels like interesting commentary on human psychology, on the lengths we are willing to go to alleviate mental suffering, to distract or regain control of our own minds.

During this section of the novel, I wondered whether this brand of “vegetarianism” (obsession with plants, becoming plant-like oneself) could spreading from Yeong-hye to her brother-in-law. I tried to remember (and later Googled) the kind of fungus that inhabits and controls the human brain (turns out, this is only in Science Fiction…) This infectious plant theory feels like a too-literal explanation for a more figurative arc of the novel: what does it mean to consume or be consumed? What are all the different ramifications of consumption, of eating? In the third part of the novel, there is a similar expansion of Yeong-hye’s mental state to include and impact the person closest to her. In-hye’s does not understand her sister’s condition immediately or easily. She struggles to relate to her sister when she, herself, puts “making it work” and “holding things together” above all things in her life. But she comes to understand as she visits her dying sister in the mental hospitality and witnesses the cruelty of stripping Yeong-hye of her agency, of trying to force her back into life by maintaining her body, when it’s her will to live that is being squashed. As In-hye watches doctors force-fed her sister who refuses to eat, she sees the shadows of their past in which she choose stability over freedom (she chose to return herself and her sister to their abusive father, rather than run). She finally truly sees her sister’s transformation, and longing to change states and forms, the way she is “armored by the power of her own renunciation” of meat and, in this armor��like thick skin, like bark—Yeong-hye becomes incredibly plant-like (and increasingly free from her own mind/subjected to the consumption of others). The proximity of nature, the closeness of tree and woman, returns throughout this novel. Yeong-hye insists she does not need to eat, as she—like a tree—feeds from the sunlight. Her choice to not eat meat eventually becomes a choice to not eat at all, or to not eat in the way we humans understand eating…which involves consumption and eradication, rather than transformation.

There are several central images that, as I’ve mentioned, will remain with me. The death of the dog, both memory and dream, is one of these, as Han Kang is excellent at creating literal imagery with powerful metaphorical and philosophical resonance. This brutal scene immediately called to mind Achilles dragging Hector’s body around the walls of Troy, the public viciousness enacted by the victor, the visibility of brutality that is part of the process of control. It is not the same as violence conducted in secret. It is both more honest and more deeply performative. The second wave of metaphorical echo that flowed over me reading this scene was the Stations of the Cross, as Jesus carries the cross to his death and falls the first time, and falls the second time. This echo across the literary ages also highlights the brutality of humans (the acts of violence of which we are capable), but also the longing for redemption which is as fundamentally human as violence. Yeong-hye ate the dog meat. And, years later, her body seeks redemption, a kind of spiritual transformation, to purge that act of violence from the place in which it is held and remembered: the body. The physicality of Han Kang’s writing is as directly confrontational as I could imagine, and she pairs this physicality with deep moral complexity and nuance, so we are left seeking the meaning of these images that we—like Yeong-hye herself—cannot expunge from our minds.

#The Vegetarian #Han Kang #Human Acts #Vegetarianism #tw: descriptions of animal death #important reading #critiques of the patriarchy #South Korean Literature

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i-am-thoroughly-confused · 4 months ago

Text

idk if this is what you want from but I am EXTREMELY BORED so now I’m gonna answer all these.

1. whats your favorite thing in your room?

poster(s)

2. how tall do you wish you were?

6’5

3. what color is your hair?

brown

4. whats a rare fear that you have?

escalators

5. are you single?

No! :D

6. has your heart ever been broken?

yeap

7. what was your favorite thing as a kid?

beyblades/anything I could pretend to preform surgery on(play dough, card board boxes, fruit, etc.)

8. favorite coping mechanism?

screaming to the void or munching on ice

9. whats your favorite love language?

PHYSICAL AFFECTION

10. how often do you get nervous?

ver

11. if you had three wishes, would you use them?

UH YES?

12. if you could be fluent in any language which one would it be?

Japanese, that way I wouldn’t need subtitles for anime,

13. where do you wish to live?

in the middle of the woods.

14. what’s something surprising about you?

I dont like warm weather? Ig. It’s only surprising if you know my birth name but I’m not sharing that.

15. when did you last shower?

Yesterday night

16. when did you first join tumblr?

idk and I don’t feel like checking

17. do you want any tattoos? if so, where, what, and why?

YES. Upper arms/back, and literally anything that looks neat, and because I draw on myself all the time having permanent doodles would be cool.

18. whats the most prominent dream youve had?

… being chased around candy land by dopey(the seven dwarves) while Bruce banner desperately tries to figure out how tostop him. OR going through a maze with the bubble guppy squad and the once in the middle getting eaten alive by a mummy,

19. whats your dream job?

character designer

20. whats your ideal date?

woods, we run around for hours, and then there forever.

21. what do you wish you could do better?

write

22. what country would you live in if you could?

prolly like, idk Japan? Maybe

23. whos the best person you know?

my bestie (they do not consent to having their name up here.)

24. have you ever walked into something you shouldnt have?

. Yes..

25. whats your favorite holiday?

halloween

26. when have you been most embarrassed?

idk I can’t really think of any really embarrassing moments.

27. whats your favorite halloween costume?

any cosplay really

28. what are you best at?

uh idrk

29. do you know how to tie your shoes?

yes

30. do you have siblings?

31. if you could know one thing about the future what do you wanna know?

when my besties die

32. whats a dealbreaker for you?

if someone’s mean to me.

33. whats your favorite current class?

art

34. how many people have you dated?

35. how often do you wash your hair?

every other day

36. do you daydream? what about?

not really

37. where do you go to be alone?

my room

38. which parent do you like more?

mom

39. whats the one standard you hold yourself to?

no be mean to people who are nice

40. whos voice do you enjoy?

my bf :]

41. if you could announce one thing to the world what would it be?

“You chose the right religion.”

42. whats one thing you wanna do but havent yet?

paint my walls purple

43. what do you wish you never did?

not sharing

44. do you believe in life after death?

yeas

45. do you prefer book over movie?

Book

46. whats your favorite season?

fall

47. whats your favorite time of day

rain time if it’s raining

48. do you have a beloved stuffed animal?

hehe yems

49. whens a time you wish you acted differently?

not sharing

50. what’s something you wish that you never bought?

ugly dress I hate

51. do you have your own room?

yeah

52. whats your favorite book?

mask of shadows

53. who’s someone you hate?

uhhh idk

54. whats your best hottake?

idk

55. whats your favorite game?

Danganronpa franchise

56. whens a time you felt real genuine fear?

almost died

57. are you a morning person?

hell nah

58. do you drink enough water?

yep

59. how different are you from the little kid you used to be?

HAHAHAHAHAHAA#

60. do you enjoy tumblr?

yes! Alot!

61. have you ever had a tumblr experience that made you wanna delete the app?

not yet

62. whats your least favorite game?

balls IDFK

63. were you a markiplier fan?

yeas

64. how do you respond to compliments?

65. whats something that would make you fall in love?

if I like them

66. do you believe in marriage?

100%

67. do you have a crush on someone?

my bf :3

68. do you like tumblr?

yeas!

69. were you a voltron stan?

idk what that is

70. whats your favorite ship?

too many but right now it’s prolly soukoku and charpim

71. whats your favorite song?

I like a lot of them

72. do you like loud crowds?

HEL FUCKIGN NO

73. have you ever created conflict on purpose?

mwehehehe

74. how do you sleep?

I don’t

75. do you bite your lips?

yes

76. do you use chapstick?

yes

77. do you have any pets?

3 dogs

78. what color are your eyes?

hazel/green

79. what’s something you wish you could change about yourself?

Weight and height and voice and intelligence and morals

80. have you ever had surgery?

81. whats your least favorite animal?

mosquito

82. whats something that youre really bad at?

Everything

83. do you have an sqishmellows?

I wish

84. do you enjoy fast food?

sometimes

85. do you like soda?

mtdewww

86. what grade are you in?

uhh

87. do you wear any jewelry?

bracelets

88. what socials do you use?

tumblr, YouTube, instagram,

89. whats your lowest grade in school right now?

socials studies

90. whats the latest youve stayed up till?

all the night

91. did you ever have bangs?

Yes.

92. what trends did you hate?

bangs

93. whats your favorite item of clothing?

SKIRT

94. do you like dinosaurs?

YES YES YES YESYES TALK TO ME ABOUT DINOSAURS

95. whats your opinion on body hair?

Uhh go for it WTF is this questions

96. whats your least favorite time?

probably 3:25pm

97. do you make a wish at 11:11?

98. do you have your phone on military or regular?

military

99. have you ever been to church?

yes I go regularly

100. are you lgbtq?

NOO NEVER 😒😒😒😒😒

ask game

1. whats your favorite thing in your room?

2. how tall do you wish you were?

3. what color is your hair?

4. whats a rare fear that you have?

5. are you single?

6. has your heart ever been broken?

7. what was your favorite thing as a kid?

8. favorite coping mechanism?

9. whats your favorite love language?

10. how often do you get nervous?

11. if you had three wishes, would you use them?

12. if you could be fluent in any language which one would it be?

13. where do you wish to live?

14. what’s something surprising about you?

15. when did you last shower?

16. when did you first join tumblr?

17. do you want any tattoos? if so, where, what, and why?

18. whats the most prominent dream youve had?

19. whats your dream job?

20. whats your ideal date?

21. what do you wish you could do better?

22. what country would you live in if you could?

23. whos the best person you know?

24. have you ever walked into something you shouldnt have?

25. whats your favorite holiday?

26. when have you been most embarrassed?

27. whats your favorite halloween costume?

28. what are you best at?

29. do you know how to tie your shoes?

30. do you have siblings?

31. if you could know one thing about the future what do you wanna know?

32. whats a dealbreaker for you?

33. whats your favorite current class?

34. how many people have you dated?

35. how often do you wash your hair?

36. do you daydream? what about?

37. where do you go to be alone?

38. which parent do you like more?

39. whats the one standard you hold yourself to?

40. whos voice do you enjoy?

41. if you could announce one thing to the world what would it be?

42. whats one thing you wanna do but havent yet?

43. what do you wish you never did?

44. do you believe in life after death?

45. do you prefer book over movie?

46. whats your favorite season?

47. whats your favorite time of day

48. do you have a beloved stuffed animal?

49. whens a time you wish you acted differently?

50. what’s something you wish that you never bought?

51. do you have your own room?

52. whats your favorite book?

53. who’s someone you hate?

54. whats your best hottake?

55. whats your favorite game?

56. whens a time you felt real genuine fear?

57. are you a morning person?

58. do you drink enough water?

59. how different are you from the little kid you used to be?

60. do you enjoy tumblr?

61. have you ever had a tumblr experience that made you wanna delete the app?

62. whats your least favorite game?

63. were you a markiplier fan?

64. how do you respond to compliments?

65. whats something that would make you fall in love?

66. do you believe in marriage?

67. do you have a crush on someone?

68. do you like tumblr?

69. were you a voltron stan?

70. whats your favorite ship?

71. whats your favorite song?

72. do you like loud crowds?

73. have you ever created conflict on purpose?

74. how do you sleep?

75. do you bite your lips?

76. do you use chapstick?

77. do you have any pets?

78. what color are your eyes?

79. what’s something you wish you could change about yourself?

80. have you ever had surgery?

81. whats your least favorite animal?

82. whats something that youre really bad at?

83. do you have an sqishmellows?

84. do you enjoy fast food?

85. do you like soda?

86. what grade are you in?

87. do you wear any jewelry?

88. what socials do you use?

89. whats your lowest grade in school right now?

90. whats the latest youve stayed up till?

91. did you ever have bangs?

92. what trends did you hate?

93. whats your favorite item of clothing?

94. do you like dinosaurs?

95. whats your opinion on body hair?

96. whats your least favorite time?

97. do you make a wish at 11:11?

98. do you have your phone on military or regular?

99. have you ever been to church?

100. are you lgbtq?

2K notes · View notes

arttieinthecorner · 9 months ago

Text

Rant about Getting (Re)Traumatized by a Horror

I got this art project, the concept that I understood from it is that it had to be beautiful and horrifying at the same time. At first I thought of the theme Eldritch Horror, and so I went with something like that. During this I had recently come across an analysis of the game Bloodborn and absolutely love the story of the queen and how she transformed into a beast that had his eyes covered with a vale. I then remember the scene from the series Annihilation (completely forgot the name of the series until I went to search about the scene) and thought that the bear beast and that woman transformation look somewhat similar, so I wanted to draw them together.

What at the time I didn't know was that I was left scared by that scene and that there was a good reason why I forgot most of the premise other than a general idea. I went to look up the scene and relived my nightmare.

The first time that I saw it was because dad had started to watch and he usually uses the living room to watch his series on Netflix since my mom was using their room to watch Doramas. I was working on some homework from college and normally don't pay too much attention to the Tv. Then I saw a different scene where screams were heard from the forest and my interest was picked, so I started watching and asking questions since I missed most of the story. My attention to spam didn't last long and left for a break to my parents room since blocking Korean voices was easier than English or Spanish. When I returned since I wanted something from the kitchen that was directly connected and in front of the Tv I arrived just as the character said "don't move". And then saw the bear. It was a grotesque sight, but it was not what terrified me the most. It was when it screamed, the sound of both the bear and the human disturbed me. And then came the lady with the gun who started to shoot the bear. I couldn't continue watching when I saw that the mutant grabbed her by the leg and dragged her through the stairs. I covered my eyes but could hear the screams and when she went silent I slightly uncovered, just to see the mutant bear reappear through the door and attack one of the tide up ladies. I left the room after that without anything to eat.

When the assignment was made I mostly thought of just re watching the analysis of bloodborn, but for some stupid reasons I decided to lookup the scene from the mutant bear to maybe incorporate to my drawing so I went to search the scene that only remembered a vague idea and not the inter scene. I am no kidding when I say; I had to stopped the video 12 different times. And even went for a break of 30 minutes to collect myself on two of those.

You may think that I saw the scene when young and that's why I put that I was traumatized. I was 19 when I saw the scene and to this day, especially recently by forcing me to watch that scene for inspiration, the image of the mutant bear haunts my dreams.

I completely forgot that scene where active characters were eaten alive and on screen were a big No for me. The feeling that I got when watching it I had felt it when I saw a live action apocalypse movie or something similar. I also sort of remember a scene of Resident Evil where the bad guy was left to be eaten by a hoard of zombies by the protagonist. I don't care how evil or twisted his actions were. Been left to be eaten while conscious about it will continue to be the worst possible death that could befall to anyone.

#I wrote this at 1 in the morning with a morning class #I don't care about misspelling or that I have not proofread this

0 notes

frostironfudge · 2 years ago

Text

I Think I Met You In My Dreams Once - Bucky Barnes - Seven

Summary: After receiving an honourable discharge from his military service that was caused by the loss of his arm, James Barnes begins to come to terms with several things. He also finds solace in youtube videos, memes and on social media, where he happens to find you.

Pairing: Ex-Military!Bucky Barnes x Fem! Plus Size!Reader (Modern AU)

Chapter Warnings: angst, swear words, smut, fluff, discussion of bucky's arm, family dinner drama, protective!bucky, dom!bucky (i gave over control to bucky basically during the smut soooooo)

Word Count: 6234 Dividers: @firefly-graphics

Fic Masterlist || Main Masterlist || AO3 || Fic Playlist

Chapter Six || Chapter Eight

Bucky sighs at the lingering exhaustion as he sits on the soft worn couch. Winnie Barnes sets down a small tray of her trademark brownies and the scent reminds Bucky of a childhood untainted. Full of warmth like the soft steam from the tray that is cooling in the kitchen.

He loved how scents were a powerful tool for memory. How they would bring forth nostalgia from the depths of his mind.

Then his mother walks in, a soft scent of freesias from her perfume further takes him down memory lane. Swing sets, sandcastles, the soft dew drops from the grass he ran on pretending to be an airplane, hands abducted out wide. Rebecca laughing at his funny faces. His father nursing a drink, the scent of the harsher alcohol has him scrunch his face.

He inhales deeply allowing the gooey chocolate scent to overtake his mind again.

“Been a while since you came down to meet your old mum. You should stay the entire weekend more often.” Her voice is light but he knows she misses him dearly. He did too.

“Sorry Ma, work has been… hectic.” He says for lack of a better word than chaotic.

“And how is Y/N doing?” Winnie pulls his cheeks when he blushes.

“She’s great, we had our first argument/fight thing but we sorted it out three weeks ago. Been good since the past week.” He says with a smile.

“I’m glad you both worked it out. Becca was supposed to join in, too. You know how her thesis things go.” Winnie shakes her head, then shrugs.

He grabs a brownie from the plate and relishes the taste. Winnie just smiles at her son. Happiness finding her heart at his happiness.

“You’re happy with this long distance thing Bucky?” She asks after a moment of silence, “I know you’ve had experience with being away from family, this is different.” She glances at him with worry lacing her voice and eyes.

Bucky’s blue eyes soften, taking in his mother’s demeanour.

“I, it is hard. Somedays it is as if she stays the strong one for us and other days it is as if I stay strong for us, but most days? We’re equally strong.” He admits, placing the half eaten brownie on a tissue.

Winnie nods, “How is the trial going?” She gives a small smile, Bucky winces, forgetting he never told her to avoid her worrisome questions and having her stressed over him.

“Bucky.” She says using her mom voice, the very tone that had him admit he was the one who ate all the ten cookies left in the cookie jar when he was seven.

“Well, um, about that…” He scratches the back of his neck and then his fingertips graze over where the mounting plate was on his left axilla. All he feels is the material of his t shirt the one you bought him from the merchandise of Buzzfeed Unsolved.

“What is it?” Her brows furrow and he wants to kick himself, he takes a deep breath beginning to explain what occurred. When he is done Winnie is wiping stray tears from her eyes and his thumb wipes away the few that she can’t get too within time.

“So that’s it?” She asks, a hope within her crumbling.

“Ma, I’m still me, I don’t need the arm.” Bucky assures.

“I know, I just, it would be helpful to you, you participated for a reason.” She straightens the crumpled tissue in her hand, tracing over the damp splotches of her tears with her finger.

“I know, but I am leading my life without any issues.” He reminds her, she nods.

“You know I worry.” She explains, a watery laugh has her son engulf her in a hug.

“I hope you know I’m proud of you.”

“I’ll always try and make you proud. I love you.” He kisses her cheek as they pull away.

“Are you planning to visit her?” She questions as the doorbell rings.

Bucky rises from his place, smiling at the prospect, “I might have thought about it.”

“James Barnes.” Winnie grins, “What are you planning?”

“Well first off, Doll has sent you a bouquet ahead of our lunch/late dinner date with her.” He holds the beautiful vase of roses in his hand and Winnie raises a brow.

“Check the note.” He urges with a smile, this was all your doing.

Winnie touches the flowers and finds the note nestled into them, its typed out, she can’t stop smiling as she reads it.

Dear Mrs. Barnes,

First of all I would like to say thank you for agreeing to meet me and i’m so excited to finally meet you, Bucky speaks so highly of you and it as honour to meet the woman who raised the man i love.

I know this isn’t the most ideal way to meet you and get to know you but i want to look at it in the positive that there are more events of us meeting in the future which is why today we’ll speak only through computer screens.

i hope you like the flowers Bucky said you adore red and pink roses so i picked those, i hope i was able to make you smile, he says he loves seeing you smile it brightens his day and based on the pictures he showed me i can see why

Thank you once again, i look forward to our lunch-dinner also please remind Bucky to vacuum pack and send me some of your brownies he keeps teasing me about not being able to taste them.

Love,

Y/N

Winnie turned to look at her son, a beaming smile on her face.

“I think I already adore her.” She admits and Bucky’s smile widens.

“Told you, she’s just so purely loveable.”

“I can’t wait to meet her also, no more brownies and find out how can we send her som.”

His eyes widen, “Ma!” He says complaining.

“You’re the one making her feel bad again and again, no more brownies.” She says sternly raising her index finger.

Bucky🌻:

You cost me my brownie dosage. Mum revoked my access because of your note she loved the flowers by the way.

Doll🌸:

Serves you right. Tease. Now i get to have them and you get to feel left out. I’m glad she did, I hope they brightened up her smile like you adore.

Bucky smiles warmth encasing his heart. You were always so thoughtful. God he couldn’t wait to just pull you against his chest and keep you there forever.

Bucky gazes at your picture lovingly, then his brows furrow when he reads your text.

To say you were nervous was an understatement. Nat had been on texting standby and you had probably been the reason for her screen time to increase by tenfold.

Your latest message to her way full of worry.

You:

What if I say the wrong thing? What if Mrs. Barnes hates me? Oh god what if she thinks I’m not worthy of Bucky?

I’m going to have a meltdown, Bucky says she liked the flowers, but i just oh god what if the note was a stupid idea. It was wasn’t it? Why the hell did you not stop me?????

Nat, fuck, i think i’m going to throw up.

When your phone chimes you open Bucky’s text then freeze, you had texted him instead of Natasha. Fuck this device, fuck the fact that un-send does not exist on iMessage. Fuck.

Bucky🌻:

Doll, she already adores you so much, honestly i think after today she’s going to think i’m not worthy of you.

And she loved the note, adored it, she’s googling food courier services as we speak for your brownies.

I know you’re nervous, I was too, remember when your dad just stared me down for five minutes, I went into cardiac arrest.

And you remember what you told me?

You smile recalling what you had texted him from under the table. You even screen-shotted the conversation.

Doll🌸:

I texted you from under the table that imagine i’m holding your hand and rubbing soothing circles, that even if it’s intimidating its just two people who will come to love and adore you as I have.

Bucky🌻:

exactly so, i’m holding your hand Doll, and not letting go one bit during lunch/dinner, even if that means I can’t eat, lol, one arm problems.

Doll🌸:

James…

Bucky🌻:

Oh so you can make jokes about your trauma but I can’t? Unfair, unfair i tell you. This will be sorted in the court of Her Honourable Judge Alpine.

Doll🌸:

Bold of you to assume she won’t side with me, she loves me more.

Bucky🌻:

I’m her dad and she loves me most.

Doll🌸:

Right, right well, we’ll see about that Mr. Barnes.

Bucky🌻:

Getting formal are we?

Doll🌸:

Maybe or I just like to see you riled up, Mr. Barnes.

You giggle when the typing dots appear and the disappear, he’s trying to come up with a biting reply.

You kick it up a notch sending a voice note that has Bucky feeling his pants are very constricting.

“Mr. Barnes,” You’d dipped your voice by an octave, trying to sound sultry, “Have I caught your tongue? Or is it simply begging to taste something sweet?”

Bucky🌻:

Doll, you will be the death of me.

Bucky had to eat his words because just as he set up the laptop on the dining table doing a test call, Alpine jumped on the table and booped the screen and meowed at your smug face.

“I believe the Judge is in my favour.” You chuckle, cooing at Alpine.

“You’ve just bribed her with toys.” He huffs while partially true, only three of her toys are from you but she loves them dearly. Bucky directs Alpine off of the table and she gives his hand a playful bite and you giggle.

“Good girl, Alpine, my best girl.” You praise her much to your boyfriend’s dismay at the two of you seemingly pairing up.

“You’re just a sore loser.” You roll your eyes at him then straighten up when Winnie appears in the frame, nerves shoot through your spine and you stand up.

“H-hello Mrs. Barnes.” You give her a smile, laden with nerves.

“Darling, you have to call me, Winnie. Hello to you too, I’m so glad we could do this also I apologise we couldn’t do this at a timing more suitable for you.” Winnie sits on the chair giving you the softest, kindest gaze you’d ever received.

“Oh no, not at all, Bucky and I tend to switch around with our meals so it's not too bad, also it is just ten thirty. Not too late.” You reassure her and she seems to relax.

“Now is my son treating you right? Or do I have to ban brownies permanently?” She gives him a curt glare and you laugh at Bucky’s look of utter panic.

“Ma, why—,”

“Oh hush, Y/N continue.” She urges with a gesture of her palm.

“He’s treating me in the best way, Mrs. Bar—Winnie, sorry, um, I, he’s so respectful and kind, understanding as well so loving. Honestly I can’t believe my stars I found my way to him. It is just surreal.” You admire Bucky and Winnie smiles.

“No brownie ban then.” She pats his left shoulder.

Your eyes nor demeanour change in the slightest and Winnie finds a weight on her heart lift, you saw her son as whole. Not incomplete.

“Thank god for my manners.” Bucky says with a shake of his head, relieved. Then he laughs. You laugh as well.

“Well Bucky here sings praises of you and I can see why, tell me then about you and your family?” Winnie smoothes her hands over her jeans. Bucky never spoke about what happened in detail over the dinner that took place with your family but she could see he was slightly worried about your father’s opinion.

“What would you like to know?” You didn’t let your smile wavier, you knew the parent meeting at your house was less than ideal and given your dad caught Bucky watching you sleep.

Technically he was working while you dozed off but your father seems to have not taken a liking to the man who held your heart better than what your dad had over the years of his parenting.

Bucky sees the slight shift in your eyes, the rolling on your shoulders to not allow what haunted you to clamp down into your flesh and drag you into painful memories.

You flicker your gaze to Bucky and his own blue eyes that harbour your world harbour the knowledge about your mind’s current thoughts.

“How about where you grew up? Did you move around? We had too for quite some time till Bucky’s father passed away.” She says, giving you a second to refocus on the conversation. Bucky and you both notice the small twinge of nostalgia that grips her for a moment.

“Oh um, no we never had to move, we’ve always been here at home though my great-great grandparents hailed from another state but since my grandfather the family has called this place nine hours and thirty minutes away from Bucky, home.”

He takes his phone out to message you, Winnie gets distracted by the timer she had set for the dish she made for dinner.

You smile at him as she excuses herself. Your eyes glazing over at his message.

Bucky🌻:

i’m holding your hand under the table, giving it squeezes

Doll🌸:

i’m squeezing your hand right back.

You look up at him, he gives you one of his Doll smiles, named by Morgan. The ones only given for you, where his eyes crinkle at the sides and you feel it in your heart to erase everything that would ever cause that grin to fade.

“I love you.” He mouths.

“I love you.” You mouth back.

Bucky observes as the earlier tensions had left your body and now they had shifted into the drawing room while you chose to sit on the floor at the foot of your bed.

All three of your nursed desserts, tiramisu. Winnie had given Bucky the recipe so you could make it at home, your practice batch had turned out successful so this was your fifth attempt and it was really good.

Bucky was covering his face, cheeks tinged red. As Winnie told you the story of how he insisted on dressing up as a tellytubby for halloween when he was younger. She had to give him whipped cream mixed with food colouring to make the tubby custard because he hated actual custard.

What made things worse for Bucky was when she put on her reading glasses and managed to screen share a whole album of his images from childhood.

“How—you call me when the wifi router needs rebooting.” He seems taken aback but also proud.

“I asked Sam and Steve to teach me.” She grins smugly.

“I’m going to kill them.” He mutters and you laugh.

“Honestly you make a cute tellytubby, the blue brought out your eyes.” You give him some praise but the next picture has you doubling over and Winnie joins in and Bucky just groans.

Greeting your screen is Bucky Barnes, aged ten, halfway out of the costume, just the blue pants on, his face, torso and arms all covered in the aforementioned tubby custard.

“The pink just wouldn’t fade.” Winnie says between laughs, you wipe a tear, baby Bucky looks absolutely taken by the sugar rush, a dazed but focused look on his features. You raise your phone to snap a picture but they all grow blur because you can’t stop laughing.

“Alright that is enough.” Bucky warns reaching over and stopping the screen share.

“Hey! I want to see my boyfriend as a baby.” You protest as the picture disappears and then pout at Bucky, who only rolls his eyes at your dramatic tendencies.

“I’ll email the folder to you.” Winnie assures with a wink then as she glances at the watch she straightens up, “Oh dear, I’m so sorry, darlings, I did say I would meet my friends from the book club at three. I’m so sorry I kept you up this long dear.” She looks apologetic and Bucky watches as you shake your head.

“Not at all, I had a lot of fun, it is an honour to get to know you.” You smile, she returns the smile.

“Bucky go fetch my purse and keys would you in my room, check the drawers and cupboard if things aren’t there.” Winnie urges him on and once he is out of ear shot, you gulp, this is it, this is the moment she tells you to leave her son alone.

“Y/N, I, you know, when Bucky told me about you, I was elated that finally he found someone. When he told me how many miles and oceans separated the two of you I had my concerns. I still do, over what has happened over dinner with your parents.” She gives you a knowing look.

“I wouldn’t ever hurt him. I love him.” You say, voice cracking slightly, you’re still sure her next words will be of disapproval.

“I know, I could see it in your eyes the minute I walked into the room.” She gives you a warm smile, “He’s never had anyone look at him like he handpicked the moon from the sky and gave it to them. Only we see him as a complete man. Today when I kept my hand on his shoulder, you didn’t flinch, make a face or have any negative emotion. You see him as whole don’t you?” She looks hopeful.

“Bucky, he, he completes me in a way that I don’t feel a hollowness in my being. I don’t know how anyone can think he is anything but more than complete, so full of love and live. Honestly? He did handpick the moon and give it to me. Everyday with him feels that way. Even on days that might be hard for either of us, he still handpicked the moon for me. He’s I believe he’s the love of my life. No one ” You confess wiping your face with the back of your hand.

“Oh, Y/N, if you were here I would give you a hug. I absolutely adore you, ever since you cause the light to return to his eyes.” Winnie wipes a tear herself.

“I could honestly use it. Mum and I are trying to make dad realise his opinion is wrong. I’m, I’m glad I can make him happy and feel loved.” You say, blinking at the tears.

The whole ordeal had left a bitter taste in your mouth. You could only imagine how much more it affected Bucky. You had apologised profusely, he assured you each time that it was not job to apologise for the words of your father.

“Dear, convincing a parent is difficult, we had the same issue, it took my father a while but when the time came and George wanted to propose, my dad accepted him.” Winnie laughs at the memory then a dark look graces her features, it passes as quickly as it had arrived.

“I, I just want him to respect Bucky. He doesn’t deserve that, I told my dad off. I just wish I could undo that part of the night.” You admit and Winnie’s head turns to the staircase and Bucky sighs loudly, exasperated.

“How does your purse get lost in your own room, Ma?” He then chuckles and she shakes her head. You straighten up as well.

“Were you crying?” He asks her, you squeeze your eyes shut, his observation skills never failed him.

“No, just something went in my eye.” Winnie lies and you open your eyes just as Bucky graces the screen.

“Oh.” He looks at you and you shrug. He narrows his eyes. Deciding to table the discussion for later, he places you on the small cabinet in the doorway, as you both bid goodbye to his mom as she leaves for her plans.

You hold your breath, knowing he would ask or it would be something else. He walks upto his old room, placing you on the bed, next to his right side.

“Did Ma, say anything?” He looks at you sternly, you know he is watching every move, no longer Bucky but in his Sergeant roots.

You let out the breath through your mouth slowly, contemplating.

“If you’re thinking of a lie, don’t.” He warns.

“I’m not, she’s worried about you.” You confess, you could give him bits and pieces.

“She didn’t say anything to you right?” His hard gaze waivers for a moment.

“No, she, she said she was happy when you told her about me, she said she adores me. She’s worried over what my father said… over dinner…” You let that statement hang in the air, a week after the Sharon fiasco was the dinner with your parents.

You mother had been nothing short of lovely, asking questions making sure he was comfortable. Shutting down her husband with a small tap on his arm in warning if he became insensitive. He could only be tapped so much. Your mom couldn’t face Bucky for days.

He sighs, running his hand through his hair. You gnaw at your bottom lip.

“I told you and her, I don’t care about what he said. The only opinion that matters is yours, Doll. he can hate me, call me bullshit things. He should not have insulted you. It would not have prompted my response.” Bucky’s voice beings to go towards anger, his blue eyes flash with suppressed range.

You stand, no longer wanting to sit on the floor, and sit back at your desk.

“Bucky—,”

“Y/N, no. I’ve been over this before. I told him he can fucking say all that he wants to me. When it comes to you I tolerate no fucking crap. He may have liberties as an emotionally abusive fuck but that ends. It is high time.” He glowers.

You bite your lip, this had been a back and forth point, ultimately a stalemate.

You were used to the shit your father said to you but you tolerated nothing against Bucky not even a whisper on an insult.

Bucky responded exactly the same, he could take all that your dad dumped on him and more, but he would be damned before he allowed anyone to insult you even if it was your dad.

You both needed each other. Anchors, saviour angels, lifelines whatever title was given isn’t enough to eloquently cover what the other meant. You needed to feel him, more than his words, more than his heated gaze.

“Bucky,” You say again and he meets your eyes, his heart warming at the way the light reflects upon your irises. His anger slowly moves away. You move to your door, locking it then returning sauntering slowly towards him.

His blue eyes, darken, breathing deeper he watches as your top comes off, followed by your jeans. You keep your eyes locked in on him as the straps of your bra slip down your shoulders and he stops you by raising his index finger.

“Show me.” He breathes, cock hardening as you turn and the now dimmed lights of your room illuminate your skin. Soft curves needing his touch, his lips, him.

“Fucking gorgeous.” He praises and then you preen at the deep gravel, wanton timber of his voice.

“Every curve, dip, line and mole. Fuck, Doll—,” He groans as you move your hands over your body, tracing over your bra, pinching at your hardened nipples, a whimper from your mouth goes straight to Bucky’s dick and he might just come untouched the way you gaze at him.

Your eyes darkened with lust, skin covered in a thin sheen of sweat, he wants to lap at the bead of sweat that makes its way over your sternum. Bucky gulps when you take off your panties. The colour difference makes him groan, his own darkening as his precum stains his clothing.

“Need to see you.” You look at him settling onto your bed, legs spread. Bucky stands, ridding himself of all the confines that keep you from admiring him.

“Fucking gorgeous.” You praise and he smirks.

“Oh little one,” His voice sinfully deep, and these new headphones made him sound as if he was right next to you, whispering in your ear, “What am I going to do with you?” He questions, eyes raking over you.

“Anything you want.” You whisper and He needs to close his eyes to get a grip on himself. He traces your features again with his heated gaze, admiring how you become needier with just the way he gazes at you.

Bucky wants to get on his knees and worship you, because that is the only way he can thank his luck for allowing you into his life.

“Touch your nipples, through your bra, did you wear the pretty lace all for me?” He raises an eyebrow. You mewl as the touch sends shivers to your clit, arousal dripping over your folds and Bucky licks his lips, humming as if he can taste you.

“I asked you something, little one.” He reminds, you nod.

“Words.” he commands,

“Yes,” you hiss, twisting your nipple harder, “James.” You plead for more.

You hear his low growl, primal, watching you get wetter for him.

“Show me how wet I’ve made you.” He gestures with a nod of his head, your hand moves over your abdomen, touching the curves and dips, Bucky drinks the sight of you in, he held pride as you touched yourself, not your clit or your cunt, but when you touched your body, squeezing the flesh. It drove him wild, needy, helpless and he starved to do the same with his hand. Fell you, love you, touch you, fall apart inside you as you held him in.

“So fucking beautiful.” He praises as you gather your arousal and show him your glistening fingers.

“Want to fuck you with my tongue. Will you let me taste my pussy? You are so fucking sweet aren’t you? I wouldn’t leave from between your thighs for days. Have them tremble, shake, beg to close. But I would just keep devouring my pretty pussy.”

You throw your head back nodding, Bucky only smirks, “Go on, touch yourself the way you like little one, but I want to watch each stroke, each circle, and when you begin to fuck yourself onto your fingers.” He begins to circle his thumb on his cock, hissing at the contact he finally allowed himself. Your hips begin to rut against your fingers at his words.

“Yes, little one, just like that, imagine it is my cock, buried deep you can feel me everywhere, claiming you, marking you as mine.” Bucky pants, his hand moving over himself.

“Want to feel your cock, Bucky, want you to feel your pussy clench around your cock.” You mewl out, your hips grounding against your fingers you needed more.

“Fuck, little one, grab that firmer pillow, fold it.” He instructs, your walls clench at the loss. Bucky wants to swallow all those pretty little sounds against his lips. He watches you straddle the folded pillow, the fabric rubbing your clit so deliciously.

Bucky moves the laptop onto the desk, you can see him sitting on the chair, cock being fisted by his hand, his vein prominent and you grow wetter at the thought of how it would feel in your mouth.

“See this little one?” He gestures to his cock, your clit twitches, “All because of you. Know why I made you switch?” He rakes his eyes over you and you want to just combust.

“You want me to ride you.” You realise, slowly moving your hips in sync with his slow strokes to his cock.

“My little one, you think correctly, go on grind on that pillow, take off that bra, fingers on your nipples. While you ride me, I’d play with those gorgeous tits.”

Your stomach tugs at the combined sensations with his words, picturing it, his hand on your hip, setting the pace, his mouth on your chest. Biting, sucking, marking you as his, you moan as your orgasm builds,

Bucky’s hand moves in pace with your hips grinding down, your lips part, he knows your close.

“Will you cum with me little one?” Bucky requests, a groan of your name falls from his lips,

“Bucky, please—, need—, I” You beg, beg for something needing him to coax you to your orgasm, needing him to be the one that shatters you.

“Need you,” you choke out as the orgasm starts to build and his words get filthier.

“Fuck, Y/N, just a little more, need my cock in you? I’d fill you up, till you cum around me, dripping all over my cock and your thighs, you want that don’t you?”

Bucky and you moan in sync as the coil snaps, your orgasms shatter through you, both continuing the movements brokenly, watching the other fall apart with hooded eyes. Soft pants and watching Bucky’s cum coat his hand and abdomen you lick your lips.

“Want to taste you Bucky.” You say and he groans.

“Fuck, little one, you’re already needy for more?” He chuckles, cleaning himself.

You lay back against your pillows, hair sticking to your scalp.

You look down at his cock that twitches at his own words.

“Fuck my mouth, Mr. Barnes.” You challenge, he huffs a laugh.

“If you’re insatiable now…” He trails off, knowing he is growing hard again at the sight of you, fucked out, hair messed, eyes bright.

“If you aren’t leaving from between my thighs, it’s because my legs are holding you in.” You grab the very pillow used, your confidence in showing him what you wanted, touching yourself had grown.

Your legs wrap around the pillow and Bucky does a double take of the sight. Fuck he can’t wait to taste you. He fists his cock. You smirk at him.

“Insatiable, little one.” He teases, you bite your lip, anticipation thrumming at his next words.

“Get on your knees, pillow under you. Better not cum before I say so, little one.” He instructs, voice deep, bliss, needy for you. You whimper doing as he asked. Bucky stands, giving you a glorious view of him, fuck you wanted to taste him.

You open your mouth for him to see, oh you would be the end of him.

Both of you ruining anyone else for the other.

That evening, Bucky falls asleep at the dinner table. When he tells you how you had him spent, pride swells in your chest and his own. The two of you had come so far in this aspect of your relationship, being able to expose more and more of your skin and exploring all that worked for the two of you. Nicknames, types of touches, scenarios.

All of it, all consuming, burning bright.

The day after you were having breakfast and Bucky a late dinner. You had resorted to being in your room when your dad was out and about the house, Bucky was trying to explain to you to not give him that power but you couldn’t even look at him without feeling bile in your throat.

You’re mid bite with your chosen meal of cereal and Bucky is in between explaining how yet again Brock’s mounting plate is falling off when he pauses looking behind you. Your brows furrow, anger ebbing at the prospect of your dad yet again intruding. You turn mouth set into a hard line.

But you don’t meet the eyes that watched you grow up. You look into blue ones, but they are dull, lacklustre. Not the azure your heart contentedly drowns in daily.

You frown.

Then blink, wait,—

“You forgot me already?” The person says, your brain clicks.

“Who even—,” Bucky is cut off as the man pulls you into a hug. His hand tightens around his spoon.

This guy better fucking stop his hand from moving any lower on your back.

“Quentin,” You tighten your shoulders, moving away, looking at Bucky who might just discover teleportation just to punch the smug guy whose hands do not leave your arm even when you step away, again.

“Y/N, you haven’t changed at all.” Quentin Beck muses.

You feel a shadow cast over your door. Bucky looks right at your dad, jaw set. Your dad crossed his arms, raising an eyebrow in challenge.

“He better get his hands off of you.” Bucky growls and you shiver, moving away again and Quentin finally gets the hint, you move closer to the desk, trying to stay close to Bucky.

“The Becks are here to visit, I invited them to stay with us. Given how you and Quentin were joined at the hip, I think it would be nice to catch up.” Your dad gives a pleasant smile, but you don’t give any visible response.

Bucky’s nostrils flare, as Quentin ducks to wave at him.

“Who is this?” He questions an unabashed grin on his face, compared to Bucky’s scowl.

“My b—,”

“A charity case. You know her loves playing nurse.” Your dad says dismissively.

“Ah, yes, I was always patient.” Beck jokes and you feel venom pool your mouth, you swallow it down.

“He’s my boyfriend, James Barnes.” You say loud enough so Dad’s cheek twitches, a tell for his annoyance.

“Oh, hey man, I’m Quentin Beck, an old friend. Let’s catch up sometime over drinks?” He waves at Bucky.

You take off your headphones, Bucky breathes, once twice. Your dad watching and waiting for a reply.

“Im in New York City.” Your boyfriend looks to you, you’re on edge. Fuck he wanted to whisk you away from there.

“Long distance?” Beck scoffs, “Hard shit man, how long before you both started LDR?”

“We got together over long distance.” Bucky keeps his expression stoic. Understanding that this guy was someone who thrived getting under the skin of people.

“Oh, well that is something.” Quentin looks to you, “Join in for breakfast?”

“She’s on a breakfast date with me, so you will have to excuse her.” Bucky buts in, close to seething.

Quentin only smiles in response, something about it sets Bucky on edge as well.

“Well then, I will catch you later, since I’m here for a while.” Quentin closes in on you again.

Bucky watches helplessly as you go rigid.

“I’ve missed you little princess.” Quentin strokes your cheek, fanning Bucky’s anger then turns to leave behind your father.

You close your door quietly. Refusing to look at Bucky because you’re at a loss of words.

“I do not know what he did, but I am killing him.” Bucky’s jaw clenches and his knuckles are white with how hard his muscles are tensing.

“Bucky, he, he was my first boyfriend. He broke everything in me before leaving.” Your voice cracks.

Oh Bucky is livid now, “Your father knew?”

You nod, he clicks his tongue.

“Its on purpose.” He places forth his theory.

“Buck, I hate Quentin. I’m not going to get back together with him even if he was the last person left on earth.” You look up at Bucky his gaze slowly growing warm again.

“I don’t trust him.” Bucky states, neither man worthy of trust. Not one ounce of trust.

“I don’t either.” You agree.

“Come on, lets get back to breakfast/dinner. We’ll deal with that piece of shit later. One wrong move, Doll and I don’t care about anything, I will fuck that guy up.” Bucky’s words tug at you.

“You won’t have to cause I won’t let him do anything.” You assure.

“Even if not, that stunt he just pulled? Evading your personal space.” Bucky’s thumb bends the fork. Your eyes widen.

“Bucky—,”

“Just, tell me something to distract me.” He requests, continuing to eat his spaghetti with the spoon he had gotten for dessert.

You bite back an endearing grin, but he catches hints of it and his anger simmers into nothingness.

“Found that cute did you?” He grins, shaking his head.

“Absolutely. I find you very cute.” You praise and admire the red tinge on his cheeks.

“I’m not cute, I’m—,”

“Hot? Sexy? Devilishly handsome? Sweet? My everything?” You offer, deepening the crimson over taking his skin.

“Doll.” Is all he says but his smile tells you all you need to know, its the Doll Smile.

“I love you, Bucky.” Your heart always warming at your words.

“I love you, Y/N.” He says, causing your heart to somersault with his own.

He reaches out, touching the screen with his thumb to stroke your cheek. You lean you head, as though you can feel him.

Bucky finds his heart clench, he had to get to you beyond the confines of his laptop screen and city.

Dreaming about having you close was not enough.

Dreaming about meeting you, laying beside you, having you play with his hair as his rested his head in your lap.

It was never enough.

A.N: hope everyone reading, enjoyed this chapter! let me know! also thank you for reading! this fic is honestly my comfort space and i really enjoy writing it so much so thank you for reading and interacting!! 💖

taglist is open! please comment or message to be tagged!

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countrymusiclover · 2 years ago

Text

21 - The Dark Clouds You

Part 22

Kenobi's Future

Tag list - @supernaturalgirl30 @nanagoswife @lycaonpictusphotography @bigbendyhorns @foundationsretail @abaker74 @haideehaids @sassycowboygoatee @jedi-archives @iifloweringnightsii @ocappreciationtag @just-dreaming-marvel

Obi-Wan's POV

Twirling my lightsaber I killed someone running from the stormtroopers that we're looking to secure this planet in the name of the Empire. The boy falls at my feet and some others dropped to their knees seeing my golden eyes. Turning my back to the children who get taken by the troopers as I walked up the ramp. Sitting down in the Captain’s chair I run my fingers over my chin sensing someone entering my mind space. "Defying your life's training have you, Master Kenobi?"

"Master Yoda, where are you. How can I hear you now?" I asked looking around the room not physically seeing his prescence in the room which doesn't make sense.

"Where you left me I am. Darkness I sense in you. Something terribly wrong has happened to you, yes?" He questioned me through my mind.

Running a hand through my hair I could see families screaming and running from the stormtroopers. Vader had sent me to gain control of this small planet. Over the course of two days I have caused pain to a bunch of planets all in the name of the Sith Lord. When Y/n had told me that Sidius had lived I couldn't believe it. "Lord Sidius came after my family...he threatened to kill my children. I didn't have another choice, Master. I'm not even sure it's safe to be talking with you or my own wife. I'm...I'm lost Master Yoda.."

"Know of my location they do not. Believe I am dead they do." Yoda spoke as I felt tears starting to fall down my face. Twirling the ring on my left hand I hate to admit that I could feel the difference and how stronger the darkness made me feel. I hadn't created lightning yet but it was Vader's goal in the end most likely. "Speak with your wife I will, Obi-wan."

Closing my eyes the ship started up as the stormtroopers enters on the ship with some prisoners ready for take off back to the unfinished Death Star. At least that's what the Empiror called it. "Master, send a message to them please...I love them." I whispered before making the trip back to their star system. Walking down the ramp Sidius and Vader were waiting for me. But before I could say anything I felt a lightning bolt slash across my cheek underneath my left eye causing me to wince sharply.

"Tears are a sign you aren't one of us, Kenobi. Do I need to remind you the terms of our agreement. You devote your life to the Dark Side or I hurt your family. Maybe we should kidnap your youngest Padme. I think she would give a good fit of screaming wouldn't you say Lord Vader?" Sidius tapped his chin looking up to Vader who breathed heavily.

"Don't touch my daughters or my wife!" I shouted seeing that the Empiror is gasping for air reaching for his throat. Glancing down to my right hand I realized it was open and slightly raised so I was the one choking him. Shaking my hand he dropped gasping for air and simply started cackling as he walked away with Vader. Staring at my right hand I felt my heart beating out of my chest where I stumbled backwards into my quarters. Closing the door I slide down hugging my knees to my chest mumbling to myself. "Did I just...what am I becoming?"

Y/n's POV - hours later

Someone knocked on my bedroom door where I heard Kiera's voice speaking on the other side. "Mom, there's dinner on the table. It's been two days and you haven't eaten or left the room. Are you alright?" Concerm was in her voice when I called back in a shacky breath. "I'm fine honey...I'm not hungry go away."

Laying with the covers thrown over my head I grasp my lightsaber in my hands needing something to cling too. Tears stained onto my clothes where I rolled over staring at the door locked until a tiny figure appears in front of it. His little green form where he gives me a weak smile walking over to my bedside in a blue hologram form. "Master, what are you doing here?" I sniffed through tears running down my face.

"See Kenobi you have. Feel your sorrow I do my old padawan. Forced to the Dark Side he has been." Yoda slumped his shoulders appearing underneath the covers laying beside me with a sad expression on his face.

Wrapping my robe tightly around myself I shake still picturing the scar across my husband's face. His eyes held that tired and horrified look in them. It breaks my heart knowing that he is weakened by such actions. We both have our share of trauma thanks to Order 66 and then when we learned that Darth Vader in fact was alive. We didn't need anymore pain but now that's exactly what we got. "I saw him Master Yoda...the scar across his face. His eyes had been glossed over with tears. He was my Obi-wan but much more broken than when Anakin betrayed the Jedi. I'm lost...I don't know what to trust in anyone. What if we're broken, Yoda..."

"A difficult path your husband is in. Fall into the dark you must not. Trust in the Force. The Force that brought you two together. It shall guide you two back to each other." He explained staring me directly in the eyes seeing my confusion still. "After all led me to you it did indeed."

Moving to lay on my back I pulled the covers I stared at the ceiling and he does the same with a heavy sigh. Sometimes I am happy that my sister didn't live to see what horrific things came after her children's birth. That she'd never have to face Vader with a broken heart knowing it was her husband. That he would cause suffering for thousands upon thousands of people across the galaxy. Twirling the wedding ring on my finger I closed my eyes praying that this wouldn't be our reality forever. That someday I would get my Obi-wan back safe. "I love him Yoda...that's why I'm afraid to lose him.."

"Loves you and the girls he does. Sent me to deliver that message he did. Worry not my former padawan. Find his way home he shall." My master replied before I drifted to sleep and he disappeared back to his hut.

Comments really appreciated ❤️

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rrickgrrimes8 · 4 years ago

Note

hi! i was thinking if you could write an imagine of reader being rick and lori's daughter and sister to carl, rj and judith. i don't have a specific idea in mind, but just her before and after the time jump, struggling with being there when lori and carl died, and looking for rick with daryl, her relationship with her siblings and michonne, maybe maggie and hershel too (i was thinking since carl was 10 when it all started, she was 7 so now she's 17) thank you so much, and btw i loved your imagines i've read so far 💞

Being a Grimes ~ Rick Grimes x Grimes!reader

thank you so much for requesting i really enjoyed making this one. i also have a series kinda like this about Jacey Grimes which i’m currently making a book two for.

warnings: alluding to sexual assault or rape, suicide, death, gore (lemme know if i’ve missed anything off here)

sorry if there is any mistakes please tell if there is and give me feedback i’d love to here back from yall

masterlist

request guidelines

request are open

It was strange for y/n. This world would be strange for anyone really. But she was different. At only a mere 7 years old when the world went to shit she struggled as did many others. With the recent loss of her father - one she didn't entirely understand - still protruding through her heart, it was hard - so hard.

When it happened she was at daycare. The teaching assistant tried and successfully ate the teacher in front of her. She was next and was so close to being eaten until Shane rushed in. He kicked Ms Twune and grabbed y/n. Her mom sobbed at the sight of her, covered in blood and the tears smothering her daughters face. Carl was shocked too. He wanted nothing more than to protect his little sister. His dad always used to tell him that that was his duty - his job. And he hated how he had failed in this moment.

They made it to the quarry soon after. Y/n thought the group was nice - well mostly. The Dixon brothers scared her was what she told her brother or any of the children she had befriended. But she was lying. Yes, she was scared but only of Merle. He was creepy and mean to anyone he saw. Daryl was somewhat the same but he always found himself being nicer to the young child. And often kept her company when Lori and Shane went for a ‘walk’ in the woods. Glenn was another she found herself drawn to. He unlike Daryl happily invited her company. Glenn was sweet and funny. He never failed at making her laugh till she felt like she was going to pee. They were good friends which came to a fault when he had to go on runs. She’d scream and cry and refuse to let go of him because she was afraid that what happened to her father would happen to him.

That’s what happened earlier that morning. Glenn and a few others were going into Atlanta, despite her dismay. Glenn assured her he’d be fine, which she didn't believe and continued her tantrum.

“Can yer’ shut that damn baby up?” Merle spat covering his ears.

Shane shot him a threatening glare while Glenn stayed preoccupied with the distraught girl. “Hey, it's okay. I’m coming back,” He insisted holding her tightly at his hip, “I promise you, sweet girl.”

“No, b-b-but dada promise too a-a-and h-he,” She stopped herself, sobs erupting from her small body.

“I know sweet girl, I know. But I’ll be back I know I will.” Glenn placed her on the back of the RV, “I tell you what I’ll bring you back some of your favourite sweeties, huh? Would you like that?”

Giddily she nodded at his proposition, “Yes! Yes!”

“Alright, then I’ll bring back some for you, okay?” She nodded smiling cheerfully, “I love you, kid.”

“I luv you too, dumbass,” y/n giggled.

Glenn looked around cautiously hoping no one heard that “Hey sweet girl you can't say that.”

“W-what? Why?” the child began to cry again, “Y-y-you say it.”

“I know b-but its adult words okay? Not y/n words. When you're older, alright?” She nodded her head again kissing his cheeks softly and hugging him. “Thank you, sweet girl. I’ll see you soon,” He kissed the top of her head and started towards the car smiling as she shouted, “With sweeties!”

The group returned hours later bearing a new man instead of Merle. Y/n waited patiently for Glenn and the aforementioned sweets. "Gen!" She screamed happily still unable to say his name fully. The man sprinted over to her, pulling her into a much-needed cuddle after the day he had.

"It's Glenn, sweetheart," He chuckled while correcting.

"Oh sorry Gen," She wrapped her dainty arms around his neck.

"That's okay, sweet girl. I missed you."

"I missed you too," She whispered before letting out a longwinded 'ew', "You stinky, Gen."

The man smelt his shirt and nodded as the potent smell of walkers reached his nose. "I know yucky right?"

"Yucky!" Y/n buried her face in Glenn's shirt ignoring the stench and just enjoying his company. She always became clingy like this after coming home from a run. He loved it. On runs, if he ever encountered a life-threatening situation - like the one today - he always finds himself realising how much she means to him. Glenn saw her as a little sister - one almost replacing the ones that were cruely ripped from him when this began.

"How was it?" She inquired.

"Not fun, sweet girl. But I got your sweeties and a nice man helped us out. Saved us," She beamed.

"I like the good man. I'll give him two kisses when I see him. Maybe even one of my sweeties," Glenn chuckled.

"Why two kisses, y/n?"

"One for saving you. Two for bringing you hom," Glenn grinned contently and kissed her forehead.

"Its home bubs with an e on the end."

"Oh," She mumbled burying herself again.

"Oh my God," Someone muttered as they exited the van.

"Dad! Dad!" Carl screamed causing Glenn to snap his head in their direction. Carl came running towards the man, Rick, who had saved them in Atlanta. Y/n hadn't moved yet as she feared it was only a dream. That her dada wasn't really here.

"Sweet girl," He pulled her out of his neck, "Look it's your dad." The child gazed over to where her brother had run to. Sure enough, it was her dad. He held Carl as he cried, looking to Y/n wanting to hold her too.

"Dada!" She screamed jumping out of Glenn's arms dangerously. The girl scraped her knee on the way down but continued throwing herself into the hug.

"Oh, Carl! Y/n!" She kissed all over his face childishly, "I luv you, dada."

"I love you too, baby girl."

The years hadn't been kind to Y/n. She lost so much. Too much in fact that it had driven her to the depts of insanity and made her do things to herself, to others that she more than resented. The first loss was her mothers. She wasn't there like Carl was but the grief burned through her still. Y/n was too young to understand it really. Just how she was when Rick supposedly died. Y/n couldn't understand where her mom had gone she just knew she had a little sister now. One she swore to protect.

She thought she had failed that when the prison fell. The young child was on her own. Injured and lost. She wandered through the woods for days until she stumbled across a group. The group were mean and despite her resistance wouldn't let her go. They hurt her in ways she didn't and wouldn't speak of it even now. But that all changed when Daryl showed up. He protected her - stopped them from hurting her. And eventually led her back to her family. Where for the first time she began to fear her father.

Terminus was next. The people there snatched her from her family. She was forced to watch from afar as they were guided into the crate. Rick fought against them, Carl too but it was to no use. They had sectioned her off in a playroom. Every once in a while an older woman came in to fed and played with her. She hated it. Being in this world for more than a year now she knew that people like them didn't just want to play even if she did. She learnt that from the Claimers.

Carol found her. Although having never have been all that close to the older woman - the only relation being the closeness between y/n and Sophia - seeing her after so long made her cry out of joy. Carol was happy too as she rushed out of that place to take her to safety. The pair ended up in the woods. Carol had stopped a moment ago to clean the dirt from her face, "lemme help."

The girl sat up from where she was put down and cupped some water splashing it on Carol's face. Carol flinched as the water hit her, "Uh thank you."

"Welcome," She looked away getting distracted by the nearing sound of footsteps.

"Get behind me, y/n," Carol ordered to which she shook her head.

"No it dada," She ran away from the woman and towards the group.

"Y/n come back here!" Y/n continued ignoring Carols pleas and crashed herself into the back of Rick's legs.

The father shot around and began to cry as he saw the child he thought he lost at his feet. "Oh, baby!" He collected the girl in his arms. Carl rushed to them too happy to see her alive after Gareth claimed he killed her. "Oh y/n, never leave me again, okay?" He looked directly into her matching blue eyes, "Promise me."

"I promise, dada."

Later Carol led them to Judith. Y/n was over the moon and refused to let her out of her sight, which was exactly what Rick was doing too. They found the church a while after. There they had some semblance of peace. She was glad to have Glenn back - Maggie too. Along with the new people although Eugene was a bit weird.

At the church was also when the questions started. Daryl had told Rick about the group they were with and regretfully had to inform the father how she was there before him. Rick asked y/n - begged her - to tell her what happened. But she refused. She couldn't say what happened. What they did, which just made Rick fear more. Eventually, she spoke a little about it. She was vague and could barely string two words together without crying. He hated it. He hated how this was a reality for his daughter. He saw the bruises they left. And he couldn't understand how someone could touch his child. Or how he could be so powerless to stop it.

Bob died. She didn't really know the man but it still upset her. Beth too. Although she was a lot closer to her. Beth was one of her only friends and was someone who would look after her when her father couldn't. They bonded and now she was gone.

After Beth's demise, they spent lots of time on the road. They suffered, almost died countless times but they prevailed. They got stronger - she got stronger. And they eventually found Alexandria. There everything was good again like how it was at the prison or even before this hell. She liked it there and didn't understand why the others were so sceptical.

Though that didn't last for long. Y/n began to hate the place when Carl got shot. Alexandria almost stole her brother from her. So she despised it. She refused to leave her brother's side as he adjusted to his injury. Yes, he found it annoying how she wouldn't leave him be and he often snapped at her. But she was there when he needed her. Despite the age difference and the many years of memories they had lost to this fight, she understood his pain. When he saw himself as ugly, a monster even, she made him think otherwise. She kept him afloat, which he was eternally thankful for.

Glenn was next.

She didn't believe it even after she was forced to see it with her own two eyes. She was next to Glenn in the lineup. She had to watch up close. Y/n had to be mocked by that man. She had to stay the whole night with her best friends brains on her face. After that night she blamed herself. She told herself that if Negan was just one person off she would be dead and he would live. He would get to see his child born and grow old with Maggie like they had spoken about. She wholeheartedly believed he deserved to live over her.

The war with Negan shook her to the core. At the time his face filled her nightmares. He just looked so normal. He looked nice even. Yet he hurt and he hurt and he hurt.

He killed her Glenn. And then Carl. It wasn't Negans fault although she did blame him. Carl had gotten bit. Y/n held his hand as he died in that tunnel as the home they had built above them fell. She got a letter too - even though she would rather have preferred to have her brother back. In the letter, Carl told her how proud he was of her - how thankful he was to have her as a sister. He told her to protect Judith, their dad and Michonne, who she had recently begun to call momma.

After Carl's death, y/n shut herself from the world well everyone except her father. For days she would cry until she couldn't anymore. She would scream and scream until her voice was gone. She just didn't understand why it had to be Carl? Why mom? Why Glenn? Why Beth? Why was it never her? The following weeks she found herself wishing it would be her next. She could never bring herself to say it out loud but with any battle, any fight, anything, she wished it would be her.

So when she lost her father her whole world fell apart. He was her consistent so why did he leave her? She was at the bridge that day. Daryl held her crying frame as Rick set off that final shot blowing him and the walkers off the bridge. Y/n Grimes' father was dead.

She stayed in Alexandria for a while afterwards. For the sole reason to protect her siblings. Yes, siblings - plural. Somehow through all the bad some good came from it. She just wished her father and Carl could've seen it. RJ Grimes came into this world 9 months later. And he was perfect. For months she would assist in taking care of him as Michonne wasn't doing the greatest without the love of her life. Truth be told neither was y/n she was just better at hiding it.

Until one night it all became too much. Y/n didn't know how it happened but she found herself balancing on the edge of her window. She wanted to jump - to end it. But she just couldn't will herself to do it. And when Daryl showed up she knew she couldn't. "Hey step away from ta window, alrigh'," The man ordered as he saw her shaking frame rocking back and forth.

"I-i can't," She sobbed.

"Ye' ya can. Jus' step back I'll catch ya," Daryl moved closer but paused when she shouted to stop.

"I can't, Daryl. They're all gone. They're all dead," The tears clouded her eyes. She shut them tightly picturing her families faces wanting so badly to join them.

"Please jus' step back, y/n. Yer' not alone. I'm here," He croaked the tears floating down his cheeks, "Don't jump."

"I love you, Daryl."

"I love ya too, okay? So step away from the window," He watched as she turned her head slightly catching his eyes.

"I love you but I can't. Tell mom, RJ and Judy I love them as well."

Suddenly she went to fall forward but Daryl reacted quicker. He gripped her waist pulling her into the room unwilling to release his grasp. "Yer' not leaving me," He told her as she cried into his shoulder, "Yer' cant leave me." Overhearing the chaos, Michonne entered her daughter's room to see the window wide open and the two of them crying. Daryl looked at her. The look telling her all she needed to know. Michonne began to cry herself and joined them on the ground.

"Y/n?" A small voice called from the door frame.

"Judith go back to bed, okay?" Michonne told her but Judith continued towards her sister. The girl said nothing as she wiped her sister's tears and held her hand.

It was 5 years later now. After her attempt, she left Alexandria with Daryl in search of her father. She didn't believe he was alive despite everything inside her wanting to. But Daryl did and after what happened they became a lot closer. He was happy she joined him. Even though the act of being out there was gruelling at times he was glad he could look after her. And if something would've happened to her while he was gone he could never have forgiven himself. Understandably Michonne was angry that y/n decided to leave. Y/n was her daughter and Michone her mother. They needed each other but she was willing to let Y/n leave to figure that out. It brought her peace looking for her father.

The silence was her favourite and as Daryl wasn't much of a talker she got lots of it. They got a dog too, which Daryl cleverly named Dog. Everything was a messed up version of okay but it was still good. Being out there made her find her purpose. She went home a lot more than Daryl did, which pleased her siblings and mother. It was always for a few days never longer as she feared she'd stay forever and she couldn't. As much as Alexandria is good it also drives y/n to a dark place. One she was in that night. She lost so much there. And staring at those four walls drove her insane. It didn't help how Negan was imprisoned there. Just thinking how close he was made her skin crawl. She knew how Rick visited him when he was alive that he believed Carl was right about the killing. That it had to stop. Y/n knew he was right too but she could never bring herself to one admit or two face Negan.

It felt like a story she read as a child when the Whisperers showed up. Like Negan, they scared her. So when she was told about his escape she only assumed the worst. The Whisperers took so many from them. Like Enid for example. Her story was cut short because of them. The two never really spoke but she understood how she and Carl felt for each other at a time. So ultimately it felt like she lost her final piece of Carl when she died. Y/n wished she had spoken to her when she could've. She wished she could've heard the untold stories they shared. She needed to know about Carl's final years with her. But now she's gone too along with those memories.

The war with the Whisperers took everything from them. The Kingdom. Hilltop. Alexandria. Along with the lives they lost in the process. With the group separated she found herself protecting Judy and RJ. Michonne had gone. Where she had gone to, y/n had no idea. For a messed up reason, she began to prepare herself for her mother's death before it was even announced. That was until she got the call. She was okay and... apparently so was Rick.

Disbelief was what hit her first. She couldn't hear his voice nor see his face so how could she know it was true. Michonne didn't know either she couldn't if he was really there, still alive. That night of the call she left. Without hesitation, she kissed RJ and Judith's heads, told them she loved them and told them to tell everyone else that and left. She left in the direction Michonne had told her.

She left to find her father. And she knew she wouldn't return until she did. "I'm coming, dad."

#the walking dead imagine #the walking dead #the walking dead x reader #rick grimes x reader #rick grimes imagine #rick grimes x grimes!reader #carl grimes x reader #carl grimes imagine #carl grimes x grimes!reader #daryl dixon x reader #daryl dixon imagine #michonne x reader #michonne x daughter!reader #rick grimes #carl grimes #daryl dixon #michonne #rick grimes daughter #the walking dead request

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baekhansol · 3 years ago

Text

N.D.A | f.l

ℕ𝕠𝕟 𝔻𝕚𝕤𝕔𝕝𝕠𝕤𝕦𝕣𝕖 𝔸𝕘𝕣𝕖𝕖𝕞𝕖𝕟𝕥 (ℕ.𝔻.𝔸.) noun

a contract by which one or more parties agree not to disclose confidential information that they have shared with each other as a necessary part of doing business together.

Happy Birthday, Felix Lee!

𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞 : fluff!

𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 : mature

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 : best friend Felix x gn + nonverbal reader

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 : 3.7k

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 : reader is nonverbal, JYP is an asshole, wanting to lie about having been eating well, food/eating, mentions of wearing masks, I think that's it ?

𝐩𝐥𝐨𝐭 : Felix has always been your best friend, and takes care of you when you can't

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞 : this was beta read by the lovely Dee Dee over at @sugasbabiie . Her notes and edits were wonderful as always 💜

this is also a friendly reminder that my blog contains nsfw elements, so do not follow me if you are a minor.

At one simple glance into your eyes, once allowing yourself a moment of vulnerability with your best friend, Felix knew what a terrible day you must have had. He immediately pulls you into a warm hug, pausing in case he meets resistance before squeezing you and holding you tightly.

"Have you eaten well?" He softly asks you, playing with your hair as he sways you back and forth.

You wanted to lie and say yes. You really did. But you couldn't get yourself to respond that way, so instead, you shake your head no.

"I'll make something then," he says simply, pulling back to look you in the eyes.

Felix finds tears welling up in your eyes, so he cups your cheek with one hand. "Have you taken your meds?" He checks.

When you nod, his expression gives away a brief flash of relief before turning back to genuine concern.

"Good. Why don't you go put your pajamas on and start getting ready for bed then, hmm?" He suggests, smiling sweetly.

You hesitate, considering saying no. You rack your brain, but the fog from your mental state makes the task difficult. You were fairly certain you'd never been braless around Felix before, but at the same time, you really didn't want to wear one.

"It's okay, y/n," he softly assures you.

Looking into his eyes, you remind yourself he has sisters. So you nod as a soft whimper accidentally escapes you.

You retreat to the bathroom, scrubbing your face harshly as you wash it. You try to get rid of the self-hatred and body insecurities that consumed your entire body, but particularly your face. Of course, it didn't help.

A whine of irritation escapes you before you apply the rest of your skincare. Afterwards, you slowly shuffle to your bedroom. You stare at what pajamas you have clean (which isn't much) and end up in a long sleeved shirt to hide your arms and pajama shorts. You made sure the pair wasn't too free flowing, as you didn't want to flash Felix by some weird accident since you didn't wear underwear to bed.

You slowly shuffle out to the kitchen, finding Felix at the stove throwing something together. Padding closer, you notice him making ramen. You ask him what he is doing with a soft “Hm?”

He gestures for you to come closer before speaking, “You had some ramen, so I’m making it with eggs. And now I’m adding in vegetables, see?”

When you nod, he smiles. “Do you want to grab a bowl for yourself? I already ate,” Felix assures you.

You nod and timidly get yourself a bowl and chopsticks, your hands unsteady. You manage to set down the bowl without dropping it, and Felix notices your lack of stability.

He moves from the stove, getting a plastic cup with a lid and straw, pouring you a cup of water before getting himself a glass. Felix sets it at the table before returning to the stove, getting your ramen together in your bowl. “Will you sit down, Y/N?” he asks gently.

You nod and sit, sipping your water and swinging your legs. Felix soon places the bowl in front of you, and you begin to eat slowly. He sits next to you after getting a napkin, watching you to ensure you don't eat too quickly.

Following “Dr. Lee’s” orders, you finish the entire bowl of ramen. Once done, he inquires, “Go brush your teeth, okay? Do you need to take your night meds?”

You pout but nod, getting up and taking the cup of water with you. You take your medicine before slowly brushing your teeth, trying not to let the sensation overwhelm you. When you finally finish, you pad back out to find Felix, who was currently cleaning the dishes.

You huff at him, upset that he was doing them for you. He wasn’t just doing the ones he cooked with, but even the ones you had left in the sink.

He says nothing but smiles when you hug him from behind and bury your face into his shirt. When he finishes and dries his hands, you drag him to the bathroom and get out a spare toothbrush, silently offering him to stay overnight.

“Go lay in bed; I’ll come and join you soon,” he says. When you nod, he takes the toothbrush and gets himself ready for bed.

You lay in bed playing games on your phone, curling up under your sheets. Felix soon comes back, grabbing a book off your bookshelf. He sets his phone on your bedside table, placing his there as well. Felix sits on your bed, leaning against the wall and spreading his legs.

“Come here,” he suggests, patting the spot between his legs.

You hesitate before sitting up, moving to sit in his lap, resting against his chest. He opens the book in front of you, making you giggle when you realize what it is.

“Didn’t your mom buy you this?” he asks, kissing your cheek before resting his chin on your shoulder. You nod as he opens the book. “I still can’t believe she knew it was a Star Wars storybook and didn’t think it was a children’s book,” he laughs.

A little giggle escapes you, and Felix beams. He begins to read, his gentle voice helping to lull you to sleep. When he finishes the book, he helps you lay down and tuck you in. He puts the book back and turns off the light, smiling at the soft whine escaping you.

You wiggle a little, subconsciously craving his hold. "Lixie?" You manage to murmur, not even realizing it was your first words since he came over. But he knew.

"I’m here," he assures you, climbing into bed with you and spooning you. Felix wraps his arm loosely around your waist, handing you one of your stuffies to cuddle. "This okay?" He checks with you.

You nod, relaxing into him and falling back asleep.

"I love you," Felix says lowly, and you can't quite tell if you were dreaming or not. You two had said that you love each other plenty of times before, but this time seemed different.

You wake up in the morning alone and immediately begin to panic.

"Felix?" You cry out, stumbling out of bed.

You're quick to find him in the kitchen and nearly cry out of relief.

"I didn't leave; I'm just making breakfast," he assures you, setting down the spatula and hugging you close.

When you pull away, he looks at you intently, a smile creeping onto his face. "Good morning, sweetheart," Felix says, causing you to blush.

"Morning," you manage, glancing down.

"Go take your medicine. And don't worry about being nonverbal or not, okay?" Felix says.

You tried not to go nonverbal around others, but you had mentioned your frustration to Felix before. People, especially your parents, always ended up forcing you into talking. It made you uncomfortable and took up extra energy, exhausting you quicker. Felix was rather understanding at the time, but you were always afraid to be around him while nonverbal due to the struggle of communicating. But at the moment, it was going surprisingly well. You figure it's his patience and caring nature.

You go and do as he says, briefly wondering why he was telling you what to do and why you found it so easy to listen. You shrug and come back out, sitting at the table as Felix places a plate of eggs and toast in front of you.

"Eat up, please," he says, joining you with a plate of his own.

You begin to eat, letting out a happy hum as you do.

Felix’s smile grows before he clears his throat. "I have to go into the studio today, but I'm not comfortable leaving you alone, even if I take all of your sharp objects," he admits, his expression turning serious.

You look intently at your plate, finding the yellow of the eggs to be a lovely color suddenly.

"Will you come to the studio with me? You can stay somewhere quiet and read for homework, if you'd like," Felix offers, watching closely for your reaction.

You'd never gone to the studio before. There had been times where Felix had said it would be okay, but you never had the chance. You wanted to, but you were worried about saesangs, getting Felix in trouble, starting a scandal… you had, and have, a lot of anxiety around it.

You hesitate before nodding slightly, causing Felix to grin in absolute delight.

"Okay! Great! And the second thing is… can I borrow clothes? I know you sometimes wear boxers to bed, and I just need a clean shirt and sweats…" Felix asks, and this time it was his turn to blush.

You laugh a little and nod, hoping your clothes would fit him.

"Great! Then after we get ready, I'll drive us there," he decides, smiling to make sure it was okay with you.

You nod in agreement, giving him a sense of relief.

You go use the bathroom, relieved that he didn't get up and leave without saying goodbye, or that the whole thing was a dream or strange hallucination. You take your medicine before going back to the kitchen, sitting at the table where Felix had already begun to eat.

You hum softly as you eat, letting him know to the best of your ability that you appreciate his actions.

Once you finish your plate, you bring them to the kitchen sink and wash them. You go to pick up the pan, but you can tell it’s too hot to wash. You leave it aside to cool down, drying your dishes as Felix washes his own.

After drying your hands as well, you head to your room with Felix to get ready for the day.

Felix helps you make your bed, but you manage to do most of it yourself so it was made the way you like it. You sit down and hug one of your pillows, watching as Felix goes through your clothes and picks something out to wear. He ends up picking out your clothes as well, getting you a soft shirt, your favorite pants, and a hoodie that he could have sworn belonged to him at one time.

He opens your underwear drawer before you can stop him, a noise of distraught escaping you. Felix ignores it just as he ignores your sex toys and lubricant, finding a pair of boxers for himself and a soft, simple pair of cotton panties for you along with a wireless bra.

Felix shuts the drawer and sets what he chose for you on the bed, the soft blush adorning his cheeks visible.

"I'll change in the bathroom, ok?" He states, gathering his borrowed clothes and shutting the door behind him.

In shock, you stare at the door for a moment before managing to get yourself dressed and tossing your dirty clothes in the hamper. You get up and head to the bathroom, greeted with an open door. Felix had already changed and was borrowing your hairbrush.

"Sorry," he apologizes, somewhat sheepishly.

You shake your head and dismiss it with a wave of your hand, silently letting him know you didn't mind.

"Turn around," he says.

You give him a confused look but turn around regardless, watching his reflection in the mirror. Felix runs the brush through your hair, careful about your ears. He sets the brush down and runs his fingers through your hair, braiding it. Felix then ties it off with a hair tie, beaming in pride at his creation.

You give him an appreciative smile before he asks, "are you ready?"

You shake your head, pulling out your makeup.

"You know you don't have to," he begins.

You shake your head more stubbornly, crossing your arms with a huff before you point to your concealer. Felix chuckles, and much to your surprise, he begins to do your makeup. You turn to lean against the sink, watching as he concentrates on doing your makeup. His soft breath fans over your cheeks, and you were secretly glad you gave him a toothbrush.

Felix doesn't take long, giving you only base makeup. He does your eye makeup very simply, looking through your lip products before choosing the one he wants for you. Felix applies the glossy tint, his concentration on your lips causing you to blush.

"There," he softly murmurs, stepping back for you to look in the mirror as he pockets the lip tint.

You beam at him, turning and hugging him. He gently rubs your back before leading you to the door.

"Ugh, socks!" He remembers, turning back and heading to your bedroom.

You laugh and go to the kitchen, somehow managing to start cleaning the dishes. Felix comes back and looks confused, only to realize what you were doing. He helps by drying the dishes, watching as you tie up the trash.

"Eggs," you say pointedly.

"Good idea," he hums, going and putting on his shoes.

You notice he grabbed your backpack and keys, so you put your own shoes on.

As you throw out the trash, Felix goes and starts your car. You soon join him, using the hand sanitizer you carry for situations like this.

Felix turns on soft music, driving to the company after ensuring you were both wearing your seatbelts.

Once he parks, he grabs masks from his bag for you both. Felix puts his on before going to the passenger side door and helping you with yours. He slings your backpack over his shoulder, locking your car before leading you inside. You don’t notice Felix’s fingers twitching, but you did wish you were holding hands. Even in your sensitive state, you knew holding hands here and to the JYP building was not a good idea, as the possibility of saesangs taking a photo and starting drama was too high for either of your likings.

Once inside, security tries to stop you. “It’s okay, they’re with me,” he assures the guard, taking your hand as he shows them his ID.

The security guard stares you down before nodding and taking both of your temperatures. The guard stands to the side, letting Felix take you to the elevator and towards their practice room. He doesn’t let go of your hand, rubbing his thumb over your knuckles.

Once off the elevator, another security member is about to stop you before they notice Felix holding your hand. “Excuse us,” he says, leading you around them. Their puzzled expression doesn’t go unnoticed by you, but you were glad they didn’t try to stop you.

He stops outside a room, pointing to it. “This is Channie hyung’s room, okay? If you need to go there for somewhere quieter, he won’t mind,” Felix explains, quickly pulling out his phone to check something. “Then we are practicing in this room today,” he says, leading you to a different door and opening it.

It was loud, as some of the others were stretching, talking, and dancing. Hyunjin smiles and waves as soon as he notices you, while most of the others shout their greetings. Changbin runs over and is about to hug you, but Felix stands in front of you, since Changbin was prone to hugging without asking.

“Do you want a hug?” Felix asks you, wanting you to be comfortable.

You hesitate before nodding, stepping around Felix and hugging Changbin. Changbin picks you up and spins you around, giggles escaping you.

“How are you? I can’t believe you came!” Changbin cheers as he sets you down, a grin on his face.

You step back into Felix, who gently holds your shoulders as you lose your balance. You look up at him, worry clouding your features.

“Y/N is… having some trouble talking right now. So, simple yes or no questions work best for them,” Felix explains, squeezing your shoulders reassuringly before letting you go.

“Oh, okay,” Changbin says, nodding despite not clearly understanding. “Sorry, Y/N, I didn’t know,” he adds, smiling.

You shrug a little, feeling your cheeks heat up.

“They don’t normally leave home when it happens. They generally are stressed and overwhelmed, so it helps them cope and is easier just to let them… communicate in other ways,” Felix further explains, moving to stand next to you and resting his hand on your back.

When you tense up, he withdraws his hand, but you stop him by grabbing his arm and shaking your head. Felix gently rubs soothing circles on your back as you accommodate yourself with the new space.

Chan comes over at the same time, smiling brightly. “It happens normally to neurodivergent people, right? Especially autistic ones?” Chan asks, looking at you for confirmation. You nod, and he continues. “Is it okay if I put my hand on your shoulder?” he asks. When you nod a second time, Chan places his hand on your shoulder and squeezes lightly. “I’m happy you came! If you need a break, you can go to my studio room, okay? Did Felix show you where it is?”

You nod, glancing at Felix.

“Okay, good! Today might not be the best day though,” he admits, looking to Felix.

“What do you mean by that?” Felix asks, rubbing your back.

Chan removes his hand from your shoulder and says in a hushed voice, “JYP is supposed to come to practice today.”

“I’m sure everything will be fine,” Felix responds with a tight lipped smile.

Once Felix makes sure you are comfortable sitting down, he produces earplugs from his pocket (you have no idea where or how he got them), and sets them in the palm of your hand. “In case it gets too loud,” he murmurs, smiling.

He straightens up as the choreographer enters the room, who they greet and thank. They soon start practicing, and you find yourself carefully stuffing the earplugs in your ears. You watch them in awe, looking at each of them practicing the new moves. Your eyes always come back to Felix, and you soon find yourself grinning like a fool. The song was amazing, and you wrote a note down in your phone to tell Chan, Changbin, and Jisung later on.

Right as they start a break, JYP himself comes into the room. You look up from your phone, the blood draining from your face as you try to meet Felix’s eyes. They immediately turn around and greet him, bowing and thanking him for his time.

“Show me what you have so far,” JYP says, heading towards you, standing in front of the mirror. That’s when he notices you. His eyes narrow and he walks over to you, and you immediately bow in greeting.

You feel the anxiety bubbling in your chest, threatening to overwhelm you as your breathing becomes irregular.

“You’re not an intern. Who are you?” he inquires, resting his hands on his hips.

You gape up at him, but thankfully Felix is quick to come to your aid.

“Sorry, JYP! This is my partner, Y/N. They can’t talk right now, since their doctor has their voice on rest-” Felix begins, only to be interrupted. Your eyes widen in shock as he introduces you as his partner, quickly trying to hide your surprise as he lies for you.

“So they’re sick? They shouldn’t be here then!” JYP demands, his face reddening in anger.

“No! They just aren’t supposed to talk because they had vocal chord surgery, that’s all!” he explains, doing his best to pull the lie.

Felix’s words seem to console and calm JYP, who huffs.

“Someone’s going to have to give them a non-disclosure agreement then,” he huffs, looking at the staff as if to tell them they needed to. “I will have a conversation with you later, Yongbok,” JYP sneers.

You knew Felix was in for it, but he gives you a charming smile before starting to practice.

You notice JYP’s glare every now and then, so when they take a break you make a beeline for the door, heading to Chan’s studio room and sending Felix a text with an explanation. You’re so caught up in remaining calm and composed that you almost bump into who turns out to be Mina from Twice.

Your eyes widen and you apologize, bowing and managing to say a soft, “I’m sorry.”

Once in Chan’s studio room, you move his chair and curl up under his desk. You put the hood of your hoodie over your head, doing some deep breathing. You take out the earplugs and put them in your pocket before turning on some soft, soothing music.

You close your eyes and don’t realize you had fallen asleep until Felix comes in the room, calling your name. Before he panics, he notices you under the desk. He bends down and offers you his hand, saying, “C’mon, you must be uncomfortable.”

You take it and he helps you stand up, your back popping as you do so.

“Are you hungry? It’s been a while since breakfast, and we all stopped and had lunch,” he explains, gently letting go of your hand.

You shove the hood off of your head, grabbing his forearms. “Did you mean what you said?” you ask, your eyes wide as your cheeks flush.

“What I said?” he asks, perplexed.

You stare at him for a moment before blurting, “You called me your partner…”

“Oh,” Felix says, his voice small. “About that…” he begins, subtly checking his pulse before rubbing the back of his neck. “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable…”

“Do you want me to be your partner?” you bluntly rephrase.

Felix’s cheeks turn pinker and pinker as he nods ever so slightly. “I’ve thought about asking you before, but never did. I wasn’t sure if you felt the same way, and you’re my best friend…” he murmurs.

“Well…” you shyly begin. “You’re patient, caring, and help me when I go nonverbal. You’re understanding of my space and sometimes I swear you know me better than myself. You’re… Well, pretty much everything I want in a boyfriend…”

“Really?” Felix asks, surprised at your admission.

“Yeah…” you murmur with a nod, glancing downwards as you loosen your grip on his arms. You look back up and bite your lip before shyly asking, “Will you kiss me?”

Felix blinks, but smiles before pulling down both of your masks and giving you a soft kiss on your lips. You whine softly, so he cups your cheek and kisses you again.

After he pulls away, he smiles and giggles, “So about that non disclosure agreement…”

#kpopscape #kwritersworldnet #kpopficsnetwork #ultkpopnetwork #felix fluff #lee felix fluff #felix lee fluf #skz fluff #stray kids fluff #felix #happy birthday felix #lee felix #felix lee #yongbok fluff #best friends to lovers #f2l trope #felix f2l #skz f2l

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babymetaldoll · 4 years ago

Text

The "Rumple Buttercup" situation (Matthew Gray Gubler/ Reader)

Requested?: Yes!

Hi, I don't know if this is where you take request but I was thinking about a 2nd part to "The devils food cake" chapter about when they think of names they argue about the middle name being rumple (Matthew wants rumple to be the middle name (y/n) doesn't)

Category: Flufflies fluff. Hardcore fluff.

Summary: Matthew tries to convince his wife to name their first newborn "Rumple Buttercup."

Warnings: Zero. I don't think I even cursed on this one. But you have to know how to handle your fluff.

Word count: 2K

Masterlist

You can read the original one shot here

A/N: Hello! How is everybody doing this week? Sending love to all my pretty people 💜 I got so excited with this request I made this gif for it ✨

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The house was oddly silent when (Y/N) walked in. She smelled the fresh baked cookies and... lavender? That was new. The place wasn't a mess when she left the house that morning, but it didn't look like that at all. Someone had been taking care of everything in her absence.

- "Matthew?"- (Y/N) walked in and took a look around. Everything was clean and in perfect order. It didn't loot at all like the house she had left that very same morning.

- "In the kitchen, Bunny!"- he announced with a cheerful voice and (Y/N) followed the delicious smell and the sweet voice of her husband.

- "Welcome back! How was your day with your mom?"

- "Hey! It was good. I had fun"- Matthew smiled at his wife as soon as he watched her walk into the kitchen and opened his arms to greet her with a warm hug.

- "I missed you, Bunny"- he whispered and kissed her lips sweetly, cupping her face with both hands, holding her cheeks, and caressing them with his lips.

- "I missed you too, honey."- (Y/N) murmured and sighed, enjoying the sensation of Matthew's hands on her.

- "And how's my little baby bean?"- he whispered, and his hands traveled from her face to her belly.

- "Baby Gub is kicking a lot today. I think he is having a rave in there."

The way Matthew's heart skipped a beat each time he heard the words "Baby Gub" killed him. He couldn't get over the fact he was going to be a father in four months. He couldn't believe it yet. It was his dream come true.

So, Matthew hummed in response and kissed his wife one more time before looking at her with a big adorable, and goofy smile.

- "I've got you a little surprise,"- he announced and held her hand

- "Really? I noticed you did some cleaning. Is that the surprise?"- (Y/N) asked as Gubler insisted she sat on a couch and helped her taking out her purple Converse.

- "That's part of the surprise,"- Matthew answered with a mysterious smile- "Now stay here and relax for a minute."

- "But no. Wait, stay here too, I missed you," (Y/N) argued, but Gubler just pecked her lips and walked back to the kitchen.

- "It will only be a second, Bunny! Meanwhile, tell me, what did you do with your mom today."

- "She took our baby bean shopping. Can you help me get a million bags from the car later?"

- "Sure!!"- Gubler yelled from the kitchen- "What did you get?"

- "Mom went nuts and got us so many baby clothes. I don't think our baby will have time to wear it all before it's too small for him."- Matthew chuckled at the idea of their baby wearing tiny socks that didn't fit on his little feet.

- "Then, she invited me for lunch and overfed me, but I can't complain, 'cos I was starving, and she took me to that little Italian place near to their house, and it's just so good! I think I ate my weight on garlic bread."

Matthew frowned and looked at the tray he was preparing. It had homemade cookies, a chocolate milkshake, one cupcake, and a heart-shaped peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

- "So... you are not hungry?"- he asked, hesitant to bring his wife the snack he had prepared for her.

- "Starving, actually. Your son is gonna make me gain a million pounds."- Matthew smiled and grabbed the tray, walking with confidence back to the family room.

- "That's what I wanted to hear, 'cos I made this for you."

(Y/N) widened her eyes in awed, smiled at her husband when he stood by her side and placed the tray on her legs.

- "I cooked all your favorites while you were gone"

- "Matthew Gray, you are the sweetest husband on Earth"- (Y/N) raised her hands and reached his face, forcing him to lean over and kiss her.

- "What do you want?"- she whispered and smiled

- "What do you mean?"

- "I'm your wife. I've known you for the last... nine years. I know you are going to ask me for something"- Gubler gasped, pretending to be shocked and insulted, but (Y/N) shook her head and took a large sip of her milkshake.

- "Really, (Y/N). I can't believe you think I'm nice to you only because I wanna ask you for something."

- "So you won't?"- (Y/N) raised an eyebrow and chewed a cookie- "These are delicious, honey. Thank you so much."

- "no, you already broke my heart"- Matthew sighed and sat at the other side of the couch.

- "Oh, come on!"

- "I was just trying to be nice with my wife."

- "You are adorable. If I weren't pregnant already, I would actually ask you to knock me up"- Gubler tried not to chuckle but failed.

- "Come on, Gub, give me a smile"- (Y/N) giggled and looked at Matthew- "You know you want to smile."

- "Stop it."

- "Come on, honey"- (Y/N) reached out for his hand and held it- "Just tell me what it was that you wanted to ask me"- Gubler bit his inner cheek and sighed.

- "I hate that you know me so well."

- "It's part of the job of being your wife"- (Y/N) smiled pleased and grabbed another cookie- "So?"- she chewed the cookie and gave one to Matthew.

- "Ok... here's the deal"- Matthew ran his hands through his hair and made a pause, trying to rearrange his thoughts. (Y/N) looked at him, waiting and eating all the cookies on the dish.

- "I'm waiting."

- "Ok, so... we are going to have a kid"- Matthew stated- "And that kid has to have a name"- suddenly (Y/N) knew exactly where that conversation was going.

- "Yes, he has."

- "And we haven't talked about the baby's name"

- "No"- (Y/N) shook her head and crossed her arms on her chest immediately.

- "But I haven't even told you what I wanted to ask."

- "The baby's name won't be Rumble Buttercup."

Matthew opened his mouth to argue, and (Y/N) looked right into his eyes with a deadpan stare.

- "But why not?"

- "Are you serious, Matthew? You already have a "kid" named Rumple."

- "Yes, but it's different, 'cos he is my "first child book," and our baby is our firstborn child."

- "No"- (Y/N) shook her head again and grabbed the sandwich. Yes, she had eaten most of the day, but she really felt hungry. Maybe it was anxiety or cravings, but whatever it was, she just felt hungry the whole time.

- "Come on (Y/N), be fair here."

- "Ok, I'll be fair. Explain your case."

Matthew stood up and cleared his throat, ready to convince his wife. He fixed his hair, though it was a useless attempt to look a little more serious. If anything, he just made her want to laugh more, 'cos he was being adorable.

- "Ever since I was a little kid, I always dreamed about the day I could call my first son "Rumple Buttercup." Rumple is an old family name in the Gubler family, and I am sure naming our baby as his ancestors will assure him a life of happiness and love."

Gubler smiled at his wife, and (Y/N) nodded, chewing the last bite of the sandwich.

- "Who was called Rumple in the Gubler's family?"- she asked, and Matthew almost jumped, looking at her excitedly.

- "Excellent question, Bunny. You'll see, my great-great-grandfather, Rumple Buttercup Gubler, first arrived in America in early 1800, all alone with no family. And he built the first casino of Las Vegas."

- "In the early 1800"- (Y/N) raised an eyebrow and tried not to laugh.

- "He was a visionary. Don't you want our baby to be a visionary too?"

- "I do, I definitely do. But... can we talk about my great-great-grandfather? His name was Yertle, and he also had a vision. And a mustache!"- (Y/N) said and made her best not to laugh, as Matthew raised an eyebrow and bit his lips, trying not to laugh as well.

- "Yertle?"- he asked, crossing his arms on his chest- "Your great-great grandfather's name was Yertle?

- "Yes"- she nodded and smiled- "Yertle the Turtle. It's also an old family name, and most of the man in my family had carried that name after him".

- "I've never heard of one an "uncle Yertle" when we hang out with your family."

- "I've never heard of an "uncle Rumple Buttercup" when we hang out with yours."

- "He has been mentioned many times. All the Rumples of my family has been amazing men."

- "Just like our good old Yertle."

- "But I called dibs on the baby's name!"- Matthew failed and laughed at his own words and sat by his wife, huffing. (Y/N) giggled and rested her head on his shoulder.

- "What if we find a great name together?"- she whispered. Matthew held her hand and played with her fingers between his for a second.

- "Or we can call him Rumple."

- "Rumple Yertle Gubler"- she whispered and shook her head- "I'm not sure."

- "Rumple Buttercup Yertle Gray Gubler"- he corrected and chuckled- "Fine, let's find another name."

- "Thank you, honey"- (Y/N) smiled and sighed- "Wanna split the cupcake?"

- "Yes, please."

Matthew looked at his wife, carefully splitting the cupcake he had made for her, and took half. He could have had a whole tray of cupcakes, but that was the only one that didn't burn. Matthew wasn't really the best baker in the world, but he had tried his best. He wanted to do something nice for his wife. She hadn't been feeling good in the last few weeks. The baby kept her up most of the nights, moving and kicking. She couldn't really rest, and everybody kept telling her it wasn't going to be any better once the baby was born.

- "So... wanna think of names now?"- (Y/N) asked him with a smile- "Wanna think of another man with an amazing vision and incredible mustache to name our baby?"

- "Actually"- Matthew whispered and smiled- "I had a plan B in case you weren't on board with Rumple."

- "Really?"- (Y/N) frowned, wondering what was Matthew going to come up with now- "Suprise me."

- "Vincent"- there was a long silence after Gubler said that name. (Y/N) gave it a little thinking, running all the nickname options in her head.

- "Vincent Gray Gubler"- Matthew added the rest of the name- "What do you think?"

- "LIttle Vincent Gray Gubler... Vince, Vinnie..."

- "Like Vincent Price. He is an amazing man with a vision and an incredible mustache."

(Y/N) kept nodding as she finished eating her cupcake. Her husband turned to her and waited for an answer.

- "I love the name"- she whispered and grinned at Matthew- "What do you think, Vincent Gray?"- she asked, looking at her tummy.

- "Knock once for yes and twice for no"- Matthew giggled and caressed (Y/N) belly. And as if he could hear them, the little baby kicked her once. The Gublers looked at each other with wide-opened eyes, surprised and shocked by the quick answer of their unborn son.

- "It's settled then, Vincent!"- Matthew replied to the belly and kissed it- "You just picked your name!"

(Y/N) looked at her husband and moved closer, holding his face with both hands, and pulling him closer to her.

- "I love you, Gub"- she whispered and kissed him

- "I love you too, Mrs. Gub."

- "Thank you for putting a baby on my belly,"- she murmured, and he chuckled, caressing her hair and looking into her eyes, which were getting a little tearful at the moment.

- "Sorry, hormones"- she excused herself and chuckled- "I'm just so excited we picked his name."

- "I'm excited too, Bunny,"- Matthew whispered and kissed her one more time- "Now, what do you say I get you some herbal tea?"

- "I'd ask you to marry me, but you already did,"- she answered with a huge smile. Matthew kissed her one more time and stood up. Vincent Gray Gubler. Sounded like a dream.

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Taglist:

@all-tings-diego

#Spencer reid #Matthew Gray Gubler #mgg #criminal minds #matthew gray gubler x reader #mgg fanfiction #babymetalldoll writes #mg fluff #matthew gray gubler fanfiction #spencer reid fanfiction #rumple buttercup #Babymetaldoll edits #babymetaldoll writes

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loveanoutcast · 4 years ago

Note

ok but I read games and I am ADDICTED and I just thought I could maybe request something like-

Eren meeting the reader through a simple comment and a timeskip to them being v close until they eventually end up in a fight because reader was ranting to eren about how perfect their crush (who is actually eren) is and him just exploding and them getting into a fight until the reader eventually goes "that person is you, dumbass!" Or smth like that and from there it all just turns into a lot of kisses and smut👀

only if you're comfy/in the mood of writing smth like this tho! just had this random thought last night and thought I'd request a little erenxfembodiedreader

Anyway have a nice day, night, afternoon, morning, you're amazing :D

Oh my gosh, this is my first request ever and I am so incredibly excited to write this and I really hope I did good in writing something you would want. Thank you so much for submitting this request, please feel free to send more! I love writing fanfics of any aot character and will do my absolute best to embody them in these. Sorry for the long wait, when I say the last chapter had me all the way FUCK3D up. EreMika is canon and I haven't been able to stop saying "He loved her, oh my god he loved her" in that "and they were roommates" vine way because that's my coping mechanism and it's cheaper than therapy. Anyway, I give you-

"Assumptions."

Pairing: Eren Yeager x Fem!reader

TW: nsfw, smut, angst, jealously, swearing, yelling, a bit of fluff, unprotected intercourse, breeding kink, a bit of voyeurism, a bit of sexism, eren being denser than a rock, Levi having health issues because he's old

Other: aot world if the mess of season four never happened and eren didn't fall to sad bitch hours, reader is a regular girl with family issues, all characters are over 18, Erwin never died and Floch never went insane

It wasn't that Eren hated going into town, but he wasn't exactly used to going to town alone. He always had Mikasa and Armin flanking either side of him but since the discovery of the world outside the walls and the decreased threat of titans, scouts were needed more than ever in the recovery of the lost districts. Mikasa was the second strongest soldier alive and Armin was expected to take after Erwin. Eren was useful when it came to being the one who possessed the attack and founder titan, but lately there was no big threats that required his titan abilities.

That didn't stop Hange from poking him, nor did it stop Captain Levi from keeping him busy with even the most minimalist of tasks. Today was no different and when the options were given to him and Jean, who was still asleep in his bunker, on shoveling horse shit or going into town to stock up on supplies and check to ensure all market suppliers weren't being capitalist pigs to the local vendors, Eren all but hauled ass through the door, hand swiping the grocery list off the table and yelling, "Good luck Jean-boy!"

Everything seemed to be going just fine, none of the local vendors had any troubles and most seemed happier with the drastic improvements of the living situations for Eldians. The fear of being eaten any day now or losing a loved one to war had seemed to be the driving force that had led to problems before. Some people recognized Eren, but no one seemed to want to approach him. He had had encounters with people who thought of him as a god, but he usually ignored them or kept a level-headed composure. Despite knowing that he had a power no one else had, outside of being a titan-shifter, Eren didn't really know what he had to offer. Armin was smart, Mikasa was strong, and he couldn't exactly claim titan-shifter seeing that Armin was also the colossal and Ymir had been the jaw.

He let out a sigh, kicking a rock in his path and silently yearning for something beyond his knowledge. Despite knowing that he was never really alone, he felt lonely a lot of the time. He had never given much thought to settling down, with the clock running out on him he often thought what was even the point? He wasn't sure if he wanted to keep being a soldier or if he wanted to go back home one day, he didn't really try to dwell on the future, content with being in the present and having Mikasa always on the verge of tears when she was reminded that he would one day die, didn't really give him room to think of much else.

You weren't oblivious to the tales and rumors that went around the town about the scouts and their secret weapon in the form of a shapeshifting man and how him and his comrades were able to plug the hole in the wall of a district your family had come from long ago. Your father had long since escaped the walls of Maria before it fell, he made an honest living being a construction man, and your mother was a nurse who happened to catch his eye when he had a roofing accident. They built a life for themselves within Wall Rose. You weren't the richest family, nor did you have a name that was well known. Nonetheless, you were all hard working. Your brothers worked for the respect they got, one being a weapon maker and the other being a bar keeper was enough for the part of town you were in. Even their wives did well for themselves in being a seamstress and bar waitress. As the youngest, you were loved and cared for. You weren't the most beautiful girl in town, but you turned heads nonetheless, well until one of your brothers decided to glare or promptly hit whoever doted on you too long for their liking.

The people who knew you, thought you were trouble. Mostly the elders spewed of you and your ways of thinking being a disgrace to everything Eldians stood for and bringing only shame to your gender, you were a woman ahead of her time and they couldn't stand it. Like your mother you had entered the medical field, but even when you were small you claimed you would be a doctor one day. You shadowed and worked under the supervision of the town's doctors. Many amused at your antics, some who didn't care about you being a girl and just grateful to leave such responsibility on someone who was genuine in the intent, and others not caring one way or another and not willing to hear your screeching pleads to observe what they did. Your mom had spoken with you more than once about settling with being a doctor's aide, today being no different and you let out a sigh as you looked to your mother's pained expression.

"I just don't understand why you insist on making your life so difficult? It was bad enough when you proudly exclaimed your goals in front of the entire church, but now this?"

You could only look away, looking towards the fields where you saw your third brother grooming the horses. You hadn't said anything bad, you were approached with a job offer that would give you the title and respect you had been desperately craving, and it would bring greater honor to your family...or so you thought before your mother reacted the opposite in which you hoped.

"I will not have any daughter of mine chasing dreams and fantasies off in some other place where no one can protect you. This is a suicide mission and I for one will not stand by and watch you march forward to your downfall."

Your father stood behind your mother, not really saying anything and not even looking at you. You felt especially bad for the commander and captain who stood on either side of you and were bearing witness to the absurd exchange between your family.

"Mrs. Y/L/N, you have to know that if Y/N were to accept this offer, she would never be in the front lines. We have bases located all throughout the walls and she would do what she did best and be our primary doctor." Commander Erwin spoke with such calm words, his demeanor kind and patient.

"So you expect me to let her run off with a bunch of men whose brains are broken from the wars they fought and not worry? She is not even married!"

You grit your teeth so hard upon hearing that, you were sick of the standards put forth on you since your birth. You were sick of the expectations you were in no hurry to reach and you were especially tired of the lack of faith your family had in you to be independent and strong. Your fists clenched and you felt a steady gaze on you.

"I'm not an expert or anything on parenting, nor will I act as if I am, but instead of yelling at her, why don't you try asking your daughter what she wants to do?" You didn't silence the gasp you released, looking at Captain Levi in confusion and admiration.

All eyes turned to you, your mother crossing her arms as if asking you to try and defy her. Erwin looked a bit expectedly and Levi looking indifferent to the entire conversation. It was your father who beat you to it before you could even open your mouth to answer.

"You have a choice, my daughter. If you choose to stay, you'll make your mother and brothers happy. You can continue to help people but you will never be acknowledged as a doctor...but you'll have your family. Or you can choose to leave and live your life to your own accord, but you will lose the respect of the town and your mother will never speak to you again. Are you willing to put yourself above your family?" You expected this from your father, always neutral and never judgmental, what he was saying was true after all. Were you willing to lose your family over your dreams? Would you be able to survive on your own with only the scouts to rely on?

Your head was hurting and your frustration only grew when your brothers decided to come home and after your mother wailing at them about your plans to leave, they were quick to overwhelm you with their own opinions. The commander and captain apologized but they had to leave and return to headquarters.

"Take your time on making your decision. We will come back in a few days for your answer." Commander Erwin told you, giving you a smile as he continued, "I know its a lot to ask you to choose us over your flesh and blood, but if you do. You have my promise that we will protect you, and we may never be able to fully replace your family in your heart, but the scouts will be a family on its own for you."

"Tch," Captain Levi shook his head, "Look brat, you will see and do things that you won't always like. People will die no matter how hard you try to save them, but call Erwin and Hange delusional--they see something in you. Don't walk into this half-assed, if you choose to be our doctor and you choose to take on the title and everything it carries with it, you have to dedicate your heart."

You only nodded. Two days had passed as you walked through the market, the small basket in your hands carried apples and some citrus fruits. Your mother still wasn't talking to you and your brothers seemingly assumed you wouldn't be leaving, only your father knew how frantic your mind was, and one morning he admitted that he would be delighted to have at least one of his children carry the family name on a military standing. So you had his support.

You even spoke to the animal doctor you had been shadowing for the past few weeks, his eyebrows had rose in an impressed matter and he promptly asked when you would be leaving.

"I haven't made a decision, yet." You said.

"You would be an idiot not to take it." Was all he replied before asking you to give the cattle their medicine.

Idiot, huh? You wondered. You knew deep down he was right. Your mind continued to play in endless loops of thought before you heard a commotion to your right. Turning your head you saw a group of men, their huddling seemed a bit more frantic and it was not until one of them yelled that you noticed one man in particular on his knees.

"Help! Someone call a doctor!"

The man on the floor was bleeding rather profusely and you didn't have time to question what happened before you quickly made way.

"Sir, let me see."

"Hey! Woman don't touch him!"

"Make yourself useful and go get a doctor! What the hell do you think you're doing!"

"I am a doctor." You calmly said, inspecting the gash on his side and seeing the edge of what appeared to be a broken pipe sticking out from the building behind them. The drips if bloods glistening in the sun only confirmed what you thought.

"We were-" The injured man rasped out, "Just horsing around."

"It's okay." You reassured, grabbing a roll of gauze and stack of medical napkins you always kept in your basket. You apologized before applying pressure to the wound, and you heard the patter of rushing feet.

"A doctor is on his way! A real one!" One of the men sneered, and you did your best not to roll your eyes and focus on stopping the bleeding. You asked the man to lie on his back and he surprisingly complied, he didn't seem to care about you being a girl and only seemed thankful to not be alone and scared.

"Do you hear that? Move before you kill him!" The first man hollered, the hand on your shoulder causing you to sharply inhale.

"Excuse me for one moment." You told the man, and you were quick as you hand shot up to grip the disrespectful ass by his wrist and twist it in one fluid motion, you wasted no time in using the building wall as leverage, quickly running up and using his weight to stabilize yourself before you roundhouse kicked him so hard it sent both of you flying back. You landed on one foot, balancing yourself before going back to the patient.

You couldn't deny how satisfying it was to hear the impact, or the groan of pain coming from him. Your eyes met the others.

"If any of you touch me, I'll do exactly what I did to your buddy there, but ten times worse. Now shut the hell up and let me save this man."

Eyes widely stared at you as you resumed caring for the injured, a few minutes passed by the time the doctor got there.

"Oh!" His eyebrows rose, "Hello Y/N, didn't expect to see you here. If I would have known, I wouldn't have left the hospital on its own."

"Hi Dr. Goodwin," You looked up, two fingers on the injured man's wrist and the other held up four fingers from your counting. You blushed slightly from his confidence in you and you noticed the men who bullied you all sport faces of confusion.

"His pulse is stable. I wrapped the wound tightly, but he needs stitches."

"Thank you, miss." The injured man grabbed your hand and you smiled in return.

"Don't mention it."

"Actually, it's Dr. Y/L/N." Dr. Goodwin said, seeing your eyes widen and the smile he gave only made your heart swell that much more.

The doctor nodded, thanking you before asking his helpers to load him to the small gurney they brought. He could only thank you briefly before you waved them off. The other guys had stayed back, eyes wide in disbelief that the doctor not only recognized you, but acknowledged your work.

"Are you a nurse or something?"

"Are you morons deaf? Did you not hear Dr. Goodwin? I'm a doctor too."

The leader seemed to recover from the kick you gave him earlier as his lip curled in an ugly matter, "What kind of sick joke is that? No such thing as a woman doctor."

"Obviously there is if I'm standing right in front of you. Or did my kick knock a few more scews loose?"

Eren was walking buy, noticing the commotion from afar and as a soldier, his instincts to provide help in dire situations kicked in. He elbowed his way to the front. Seeing you standing defiantly in front of five tall muscular men. He stepped forward as the main leader got in your face, but when you shifted your foot, he seemed to coil back. Eren noticed a giant welt on one side of his face and wondered how the hell he got such an ugly bruise. It didn't stop their onslaught.

"Who the hell do you think you are? What makes you think you could do whatever the fuck you want?"

"Because in this world, I'm free to do whatever the fuck I please." Eren watched as your eyes narrowed in further defiance, the smile on your face sickeningly sweet and all he could think about was how he had never seen such a woman.

You hadn't even noticed the audience that gathered, you side stepped the group of men, going as far as waving a goodbye with a breathy giggle, you picked up your basket. You had a small hop to your step and despite not caring to even spare a glance to the onlookers, your eyes met a pair of pretty green ones. The prominent bone structure made you think, "Wow."

However, the tall muscular body you did a once over on had you follow that thought with, "Oh damn."

Eren seemed dumbfounded, your obviousness in checking him out made him flush. He had never felt self-conscious over his body. He knew even before he hit puberty that he would do well to grow muscles and abs, the necessary type of figure to have if one were to be a soldier of the scouts. He knew it was also something some females found attractive in the opposite sex but it's not like he ever had time to date much less dwell on what girls liked. Seeing the way you looked at him though, he couldn't deny that he silently hoped for your approval.

When you finally met his eyes once more, you had him floored when he saw you drop a wink at him.

The crowd murmuring as they watched you go made his own eyebrows furrow in confusion. He stepped to one of the members and demanded an explanation.

"Honestly, the little lady was crazy! She came in here claiming to be a doctor and helped patch up a guy who got cut by the pipe over there. Instead of waiting for a real doctor, she made a whole fuss."

"Where's the guy?"

"Dr. Goodwin picked him up. That doctor is mad too, he also said she was a doctor, but that's ridiculous. No woman can be a doctor. That's so many levels of wrong."

Eren felt the urge to punch the man in the mouth, but one glance at the ugly bruise his friend sported reminded him,

"What happened to your face?"

The leader grumbled a bunch of profanities, "That little bitch. I tried to get her off before she messed the guy up anymore and she kicked me."

"In your face?" Eren sounded impressed, and he was when he received a nod of confirmation.

He looked to the direction which you disappeared in and said fine words to the group, "Whether you men like it or not. The world is changing, everyone is free to be who they want. If women can join the military no problem, they can be doctors too."

He saluted before rushing off, not hearing the mutters of annoyance from the men. In all honestly, Eren had no clue on what he was doing.

You were scrubbing off the blood from under your fingernails near a fountain when you hear the shuffle of feet from behind you. You silently hoped it wasn't any of those morons asking for more trouble, but you were pleasantly surprised when your eyes met a pair of green ones from before.

"I'm Eren." You smiled at him, nodding and your smile turned quirked when he stuttered in, "Yeager. Eren Yeager."

Hmm, you had thought, His name suits him. You studied his demeanor, not missing the gear strapped to either sides of his hips or the green hood covering his shoulders. You knew immediately that he was a scout and you wondered if he knew Captain Levi. Before you got the courage to ask him, he beat you to it.

"What did you mean by what you said earlier? Do you really think that? That we're all free to do anything we want here?"

You smiled as you nodded, walking towards a vendors stand and Eren fell into step beside you, you felt nervous around him, but also safe with his company. He watched you as you picked up another apple to inspect.

"We have laws and rules though...so we're not technically all the way free?"

"I'm free to be me, just as you are free to be you...Eren...Yeager."

It was the way the sun hit your face in that moment, highlighting your strong cheekbones and giving a special glint in your eyes that made Eren want to hear your thoughts more. He spent the rest of the day asking you questions, never satisfied with the small responses you gave him and he even walked you home. The mean glare from your mother confused him beyond belief and it was your father's words that made you gasp in surprise that night.

"He's the titan shifter, the one who helped plug up wall Rose."

Your face had turned red in embarrassment, you were talking so casually to a literal titan and you even flirted with him. He even held your basket the entire trip to your house and you didn't even consider how informal you acted with your skirt. You had hitched one of them up your thigh to get better footing and hadn't missed the way Eren blushed at seeing so much skin. You knew the girls in the scouts wore pants, but even then they kept covered.

You were certain Eren wanted nothing else to do with a girl who held little to no morals, but you were caught by pleasant surprise when you saw him with Erwin and Levi the next day in town.

His eyes had immediately found yours and you didn't miss the blush on his cheeks as he gave you a small wave. You couldn't but laugh when Captain Levi suddenly kicked him.

"Who's got you turning red brat?"

"Uh-it's nothing, captain."

He didn't look convinced as you gathered the courage to approach. Erwin acknowledged your presence which Eren was grateful for, but his eyebrows still came down in confusion on how the commander knew your name.

"Y/N!" Erwin gave a polite smile which you returned, "So great to see you. We were actually just about to stop by your house."

"Really? What a coincidence, I was hoping to stop by headquarters today as well." Your smile was bright, and by the way the air around you seemed cheerful, Erwin returned your energy.

"Bearing good news I hope?" He still hesitantly asked.

You nodded as you laughed, "I would love to accept the offer if it still stands."

"Of course it does," Captain Levi scoffed, his arms were folded across his chest. You noted for the first time the soft grey color of his eyes and despite the deep scowl he was currently showing, he had chubby cheeks that made you want to squish, "We wouldn't be coming all this way for nothing."

"I thought we were coming to collect a new scout, Captain Levi." Eren asked, you felt yourself blush in realization that he had no clue it was actually you they were referring to.

"We are," Levi grabbed you by your arm and yanked you towards him as he pointed at you while looking at Eren like he was an idiot, "Meet the scout's new doctor. Dr. Y/L/N meet Eren-"

"Yeager." You finished, smiling towards Eren, "We've met."

Erwin and Levi exchanged looks as they watched you and Eren smiled at each other like a pair of idiots, the realization dawning over them and Erwin couldn't fight the smirk that crossed his face. Small world, he thought.

Six months had passed since the first fateful encounter you had with Eren. You had long since moved out of your home and besides the occasional secret letter from your father, you hadn't heard nor seen the rest of your family since your decision to become a doctor for the scouts.

It was a transition to go through as you lost one family and gained a new one, but everyone was so accepting and welcoming. The girls welcomed you with open arms, most notably was Sasha whose habit of eating everything and anything brought her to the infirmary on more than one occasion, Connie usually followed right behind her with a minor injury resulting from his carelessness. You had met Floch when he brought Jean in from a sparring session gone wrong and he immediately took a liking to you. Your level-headedness was like a breath of fresh air to him as he was constantly sorrounded by people he thought were idiots. Jean liked your confidence (The fact that you were easy on the eyes, didn't hurt either), Mikasa respected the way you didn't hesitate to put people in their place, and Armin admired that despite your obvious toughness, you were a kind and patient doctor who never turned anyone away. You were diligent and hard-working, yet your smile was always able to uplift any sour mood and you always put your best foot forward. The one time he had puked all over your hospital floor from eating too much undercooked meat was embarrassing for him, he thought for sure you were going to be angry and call him an idiot. Instead, you took his temperature, put a cold cloth on his head (despite his titan status guaranteeing a speedy recovery), and started a healthier diet plan for him. Armin was scheduled a weekly checkup with you, partly to ensure he was listening and partly for you to study him a bit more. Your research on the titan's ability to regenerate and recover from even the worst injuries was fascinating for you, you hoped to isolate the genes and figure out a way to maybe trigger it in regular Eldians without setting off the titan ability, the fact that Eren made it a habit to accompany Armin didn't hurt either.

Eren had grown attached to you, whenever he wasn't busy or in need of a place to hide from Captain Levi's wrath or Hange's insistence to poke and prod him, he would be hanging out around you or in your office. At one point you had to hide him under your desk when Commander Erwin stopped by to hold a meeting with you about providing first aid training to the scouts for excursions. You were always welcomed to accompany them outside the walls, but your work was enough to make you stay. You recalled the way Eren was pressed against your legs, the feel of his hands steadying himself on your calves and when your skirt had shifted up when you reached for one of the records, you felt Eren brush his fingertips along the muscle. You had stammered the rest of the meeting through and smacked him afterwards for putting you in such a compromising position. You were blushing furiously at the way he gave such a boyish grin and even that night while he walked you to your small cottage, he had a satisfied smile in place.

You always knew you liked Eren, you were also hopeful that the feeling was mutual. The both of you had grown close over the course of your stay, as the head doctor you were given your own living quarters, not too far from headquarters but not so close to the city that you would be given a hard time. Your cottage was fair in size and with the amount of income you were receiving, you were quick to furnish and decorate it to your liking. Eren had even helped by adding his own touches to the interior. The times you would go to the city with him was always met with many curious stares. Your age and gender made many turn heads when you walked in, the fact that you were the youngest and by far prettiest doctor the scouts had ever had made people naturally gravitate to you. Your ability to make friends quickly also made it that almost every weekend you were entertaining guests at your house. Sometimes it would be dinner with Sasha, Niccolo, and Connie. Other times you would be knitting and embroidering with Mikasa and Armin, there was even game nights with everyone until Jean and Eren became too competitive with one another. Other times when the higher ups had meetings (All of which you had to attend since you technically held an officer position within the military branch) you would offer your house where you all shared cups of tea and your famous baked goods. You had even seen Captain Levi grab seconds on your sugar cookies.

It was the times when Eren would swing by alone that caused your heart to flutter, he would walk you home almost every night now. At first he would find the poorest excuses to see you like needing a bandaid for his wrist from the biting (even though by the time you gave him the gauze it would be healed over completely) or try to "casually" be around the area when you would get out at three in the morning. Eventually your amusement turned to you asking him to walk you home every night under the guise that you were afraid of being targeted or hurt, even though everyone had seen you body-slam Reiner the one time he tried to hit on you when you were stitching up his eyebrow from an ugly gash. Nonetheless, Eren accepted. You would invite him in for tea every time and he would even bring you lunch on days he failed to see you in the cafeteria. It seemed like everyone under the sun knew about you and Eren's crushes on one another, so it was also a pain in the ass that neither of you had yet to make a move on one another. Even Erwin had assumed you two were together the one morning he stopped by your house on your day off to ask for your aid for a soldier who had broken their arm from a training exercise, his eyes had grown wide upon seeing you open the door in only your nightgown, you were rubbing the sleep from your eyes as you invited him in for breakfast.

Upon walking in, he immediately saw Eren exiting your bathroom in his casual jeans, his hair was wet and sticking up from the steam of the shower. Eren wasn't wearing a shirt and before Erwin could excuse himself completely you quickly explained how you hadn't wanted him to walk outside so late so he slept on your couch. You were washing his clothes and had left them out to dry and Erwin could only nod and stop himself from suggesting for Eren to bring spare clothes to yours, remembering that it wasn't his place to push or even encourage his team's doctor and titan-shifter to date even though by the way he saw you put jelly on Eren's toast while he made your cup of tea with three sugars was enough for him to almost just order the two of you to date. Instead, he gave a long rant to Levi, wondering aloud whether Eren was either oblivious to your affections or just an idiot, Levi only replied with, "Did you happen to bring any of the toast she made?"...he did and Levi later on answered, "He's just an idiot." while licking the excess jelly off his fingers.

It was another day at headquarters, the mid-summer day was hot and since the flow of traffic had been slow inside the infirmary, you found yourself mostly in the officer's lounge. You had opted to wear a long sleeve empire waist dress, the top had ruffles along your collar and the soft pink of the dress complimented your skin tone. It fell around mid-thigh and the black shoes you wore with them completed your overall look. Eren had stared at your bare legs for a while until he noted your haircut. You had only cut off the ends but your heart did a flip as you blushed from him noticing. You had been chatting with Hange about your research while Moblit spoke to Eren about the new set of routes to be taken during their next trip beyond the walls when Captain Levi walked in. Hange waved him over and he fell easily beside you.

"Hey." His arm brushing against yours and you hummed in response, leaning a bit towards him which didn't go unnoticed by Eren.

"Levi, did you take your medicine this morning?" About two weeks ago you had caught the captain asleep at his desk for the fourth time. You knew he overworked himself and refused to sleep in his bed no matter how many therapeutic pillows you got him, but while he was out like a light you decided to check his blood pressure, only to find it alarmingly high. You figured the amount of stress and cups of caffeinated tea were to blame. Levi kept in good shape, but considering his age and the fact that he never even considers laughing, you prescribed him medications to be take every morning and cut him off from his usual tea leaves. The former was easier to push as the calcium and magnesium capsules were easy to swallow, it was getting rid of all the tins in his desk that made him a bit unbearable to the new recruits.

He let out an annoyed grunt as he nodded. Your smile was soft as you put an encouraging hand on his arm and Eren was officially not listening to Moblit anymore.

"Thanks for sticking to your diet, Captain Levi. As a token of my appreciation, I got you these." You didn't let him reply, quick to act as always as you reached into the small basket you had brought and grabbed his hand to put the gray tin of loose leaves that you took out in his palm.

As usual, the captain was unfazed by your lack of appreciation for personal space. The past few weeks had done well to teach him how despite being yelled at, threatened, and even outright ignored at times, your cheeriness was impossible to diminish and you did whatever the heck you wanted even when it was at times impulsive.

"What is it?" He looked between you and the tin, the slight sneer on his upper lip making you release a giggle before you tapped the bow you tied on it.

"It's tea leaves." He raised a slim eyebrow which made you roll your eyes, "Decaffeinated tea."

"Let me guess, it tastes like shit." His eyes flickered to the purple bow, "Or it'll make me shit."

You laughed, you upper body leaning on his as you attempted to catch your breath. The joke wasn't that funny but the face he made was. You giggled as you shook your head and Hange watched in bemusement as you elaborated,

"It's the tea I always serve and judging by the three cups you had last time, I'm positive you'll like it."

Levi let out a nod, he hadn't even noticed that the tea you served had no caffeine but the heavy notes of honey in it probably explained its sweetness. He gave a quiet thank you before his scowl returned,

"So that's why I was on the crapper all night after the last meeting."

"With a potty mouth like that, it's not wonder you don't have a girlfriend." You deadpanned.

"I feel bad for the poor bastard who falls in love with you."

You let out a small tsk, smiling at him and hoping Eren heard as you said, "Well that depends if he admits he feels the same way."

Captain Levi quirked an eyebrow at you, his eyes knowing and you blushed under his stare. Your fingers fiddling behind your back and Eren hated the way Levi suddenly chuckled at you. His smile was a rarity and to have him giving it to you only meant one thing to Eren; the captain liked you.

"So there is someone you like? Who's the poor brat?"

When you were about to make another snide remark, Hange cut in and excused herself and Moblit.

"As fascinating as this is, there's a captured titan waiting my arrival and if I don't get to use this research Dr. Y/L/N just gave me before nightfall, I will lose my mind."

"I hadn't heard of us ever finding it to begin with." Levi sighed, taking a lock of your hair between his fingers and letting the curl bounce back before he excused himself to tag along with them.

"Someone's got to make sure four eyes doesn't get killed."

"That's why Moblit is going with her." You noted.

"And who do you think will make sure Moblit doesn't get killed?" He smiled once more, "Laters doc."

You waved goodbye to the three, the door clicking behind them and you turned to see Eren with his arms crossed. He was pouting like a child and you wondered what his deal was. You figured with your earlier comment, he would be over the moon to hear you hinting at liking him. You skipped up to him, getting on the tips of your toes as you poked his cheek.

"What's the matter? You look like a scolded child."

"Nothing." He muttered, looking away as his jaw clenched and you only poked him once more.

"Liar." You called him out, "Talk to me."

"You didn't answer Captain Levi's question."

You were sure that there was a giant question mark on top of your head, the gear in your mind shifting as you tried to recall what the captain asked before your mouth opened in realization. You couldn't help but smile as you looked down at Eren's shoes and he only seemed to grow angrier as he watched you blush.

"About my crush? Oh! Well I wouldn't call him a brat, but I guess his attitude could often warrant that title. He's got this sort of this determined mentality that I guess some people can find...overbearing." You played with the cuff of your dress, "But I personally find it charming."

"So he's charming?"

You hummed as you smiled, "He's a bit rough around the edges, but he always means well. He's easy on the eyes too. Got really nice hair and pretty colored eyes that makes me swoon around him. Not to mention his body looks like Zeus could be his father." To add emphasis, your body leaned side to side as you laughed.

Eren snorted, his eyes rolling as he thought of any guy he knew that was like you described. All he could think of was Captain Levi and Erwin. He hated to think of Levi as charming, but he was rough all around. Erwin had eyes that Historia had once described as pretty, but to think of you being attracted to someone as old as him made his stomach flip.

"Want to head back to my office?" You suggested, not wanting to leave Eren's side until he figured it out but also not wanting to stick around in case other officers walked in. You got a stiff nod and wanted to giggle when Eren still opened the door for you. As the both of you walked through the large building, you added a hop to your step as you continued,

"He's also such a gentleman. He respects me, he's never intimidated by my sharp wit, always opens doors for me, waits until I'm sitting before he starts eating, and he almost seems proud of me being a doctor. He's just so understanding and sure of himself as a man that I guess the idea of having a girlfriend in my position would never make him feel inferior." You turned to look at Eren sideways and noticed his shoulders hunched, you knew it was cruel how you kept teasing him but were hopeful that it would click for him soon, so you went on.

"Wow, sounds like a real keeper." He grumbled, now thinking of Jean or even Connie. Armin was too occupied with Annie and Reiner was too obsessed with Historia to hang around you. There was no way Beruto/Borrito/Bertoto would catch your eye as you had made it a point to always get his name wrong, but Connie made you laugh and Jean was always extra nice to you.

"I'm telling you, I think he's perfect. He's dependable, strong, and we share so many of the same ideas. I could talk to him for hours and never be bored and when I'm not with him, I feel...sad. I just constantly want to be by his side and if I'm not I want him to be thinking about me because that's exactly what I do."

You both entered your office, you walked up to your desk as you spoke, turning around and leaning against it to look at Eren. He had closed your door a little harder than necessary, the wood shaking against the frame as he crossed his arms and leaned his back on the door. He looked downright irritated and you bit your lip to keep from laughing.

"So why haven't you told him?"

You shrugged, "I think I've been pretty obvious about it, I'm always smiling when he's in the room, I always want to be with him, there's never a day where we don't walk together. I even wore this dress for him today."

You waved down at your figure, Eren's eyes looked over you twice and you jumped up on your desk, your thighs parting as you let the short skirt cover your panties and barely cover the tops of your thighs.

"I'm sure he'll love it." Eren spit out.

"I don't know..." You tilted your head, "Do you?"

Eren pushed himself off the door, going to your bookcase and letting his fingers brush the spines of the books, "It doesn't matter what I think. I'm not Mr. Pretty eyes. Sounds like a simpleton to me."

You let out an actual deep sigh and Eren met you with furrowed brows.

"What?"

"You're so fucking dense, Eren."

"What did I say?" He threw his hands up, "Just because I called him simple? I'm so sorry I don't care to hear you go on and on about this guy. I never thought I'd see you bend over backwards for some guy who opens doors for you. I thought you would have higher standards than that."

You let out a snort, "Keep talking Yeager, and I just might higher them."

"I mean I never thought looks would be so important to you. It's so-"

"So what?" Your tongue had a sharp edge that did not go unnoticed by Eren. He stood only a few feet from your desk, but you saw the awkward shift in his posture.

"Shallow." He spit out.

"Excuse me?" You gave him a look that said if he wouldn't apologize in the next ten seconds, he would surely live to regret it.

"What I mean is...what guy could possibly have this head over heels and you're just now telling me? I thought...I thought we-" He stopped, looking to the side and you relaxed before saying,

"We what, Eren?"

"I thought we had something special." He muttered. He looked to see your mouth opened in a small gasp and he began to turn to exit when you quietly beckoned him over.

"Eren...come here."

"No, I should g-"

"Please." You begged and the look in your eyes brought him to stand in front of you. Your hands reached for his shirt, yanking him forward and you hooked your legs around his calves. Eren gaped at you, not knowing what to do and say as you put one hand on his shoulder and the other cupped his cheek.

"You are such a dumbass." You laughed, "The person I've been going on and on about, that simpleton you bashed, is you. It's always been you, Eren."

It was like watching a light flicker on very very slowly, but once it was on you watched as embarrassment flooded Eren. His smile was sheepish and stupid as he stuttered over his words. His hands rested on your hips and you stroked his face from his temple to jaw as you asked,

"Do you maybe feel the same way?"

You didn't get a verbal answer, the sudden kiss Eren laid on you was an answer enough. His lips were soft and warm as they moved against your own, his tongue enveloped yours and you felt him lean more onto you. The moan that slipped out his mouth when you bit his bottom lip made something tighten in your stomach.

When you two finally broke apart you didn't miss the trail of saliva that connected the two of you and you whimpered for more. The second kiss was heavier, a clash of teeth and tongues as Eren feverishly wrestled to touch you everywhere his hands could reach. You felt him press against your core, the loud gasp you let out made him look at you in concern.

"Sorry, sorry. I'll stop if you want me to."

You shook your head as you met those green eyes that held you captive since day one, "More. I want more."

The smirk was something you had never seen, his eyes became half-lidded as Eren kissed your nose. Then your chin, then your neck. When he reached your collar, his finger hooked onto the top of your dress, pulling the fabric down as he kissed just above your breast.

"She wants more." He said to himself, the soft rasp in his voice made you attempt to close your legs. His hands pushed what little that had covered your legs up and Eren's fingers brushed your core.

The jump you gave made his smirk grow, "I haven't even touched you yet."

He saw the small patch of dampness on your panties, and before you could ask him what he was doing, you let out a sharp gasp when his fingers pushed the fabric to the side and he plunged two fingers into your pussy.

The moan he ripped from you was like music to his ears and as he began to slowly pump his fingers in and out he watched as your face became hot and red. It was uncomfortable as first, you could even say it hurt but that didn't stop you from rocking your hips up to meet his eager hands. You weren't entirely prepared as you felt a bit tense as Eren kissed your neck, the suckling on your flesh making small breathy whimpers leave your mouth. His other hand's fingers hovered over the buttons on the back of your dress and his eyes asked for permission as he glanced up at you.

A small tentative nod was all he received before he took out his hand from between your legs, his tongue skillfully licking the digits cleaned and you didn't think you would find such an act so erotic. You arm hooked around his neck as you brought him down to a kiss, you could taste yourself on his lips as he kissed you back eagerly, his fingers skillfully working the buttons on your dress and you wondered for a brief moment if he had ever done such an act before. You pushed the thoughts away, not wanting to lose focus or confidence while in the middle of being with Eren by letting unnecessary insecure creep into your heart. As if being able to read your mind, Eren said-

"Stop being in your head," A hard kiss against your lips, "Be here with me."

His nose rubbed sweetly against yours, fingers tilting your head up as you gave a hesitant nod. Your eyes wanted to focus anywhere but his eyes and you could felt warmth spread across your cheeks when the sleeves of your dress fell down your arms. The idea of letting Eren see all of you was as exciting as it was nerve-wrecking, the most he ever saw was your legs and back from that one time you walked out of the bath in only a towel. Seeing him shirtless was not new but you still felt your breath catch in your throat as you watched him yank the material off. Your hands explored the newly exposed skin, fingers dipping in every curve of muscle and your hand rested just above the waistband of his jeans. You noticed his breathing grow heavy, Eren's head falling forward on your exposed shoulder where you felt him nip and suck on the soft flesh. You returned the favor by kissing him on the chest, your eyes still casted downwards as you fumbled with the buckle on his belt, you let out a small curse from how hard your hands were shaking and Eren placed a gentle hand on top of yours, his eyes alight with amusement as his lips curved into a soft smile.

"Baby, relax." He murmured, he pushed your hands aside as he took over the task. You let out a deep breath as you heard the sound of his zipper being tugged down and you decided to be bold. You lowered the upper half of your dress, the cotton falling off your arms with ease and you blushed furiously once you remembered that you hardly ever wore bras and today was no different.

Your nipples were taut as you shivered from the cold air in your office and Eren stared at you in wonder his eyes raking your body as you looked to the side and brought your bottom lip in between your teeth.

"Fuck, can I touch you?" Eren blurted, his hands still near his trousers and you giggled when he added a last second, "Please."

Nodding, you figured it was time to stop feeling so shy. You had been dreaming about this moment for months, yet as the man you loved stood before you, eager to be with you, all you could think about was how scared you were that you wouldn't be enough to satisfy him.

One more glance at the way he watched you was enough for you to think, If he really didn't, he wouldn't be looking at me as if I put all the stars in the sky.

You felt the second wind of confidence hit you and you took Eren by surprise as you hooked your fingers on his belt loops and tugged the fabric down. You palmed him through the thin material of his briefs and his hips jerked from the contact before he melted against you. Lowering the elastic, your small hand wrapped itself around his shaft and you took a moment to admire his dick. It was something new and foreign to you, for a moment you wondered if all male penises looked like that but you pushed that thought aside as you found yourself not really wanting to ever know, as long as Eren's would be the only one you saw. You hand moved up and down, your thumb brushing across his tip as you swiped some of the liquid leaking out to use as lube.

You knew he was a few inches above average, the thickness was also enough to make you worry for a moment whether he would be able to fit in you as his fingers struggling to push inside of you were of any indication of how tight your body was. Either way you were determined to satisfy the both of you, the idea of him using you and watching his face come apart as he milked himself dry using only your pussy had your head feeling fuzzy with want. He rested his head on you, causing your body to lean back and you pressed one palm on your desk behind you and the other jerked him off a bit sloppily. His moans filled the space of your office, you secretly prayed to the gods that the scouts could be smart enough for once to not be injured or to be able to at least handle it themselves and your eyes flickered to the door for a moment.

"Eren," You murmured to the shell of his ear, his heavy breaths fanning across the span of your chest and you felt both your bodies getting hot. "The door, we need to lock the door."

His groan was the only response you got as he trailed kisses up your neck and shoulder, and you resisted the urge to roll your eyes, he was such a guy sometimes. You began to lower yourself from the desk before his hand on your leg suddenly halted your movements and he gave you a lazy smile, his half lidded eyes softly rolling as he let out an obnoxious groan of annoyance.

"I'll do it." He didn't even bother to tuck himself back into his briefs, his dick fully erect as he made way to your door. You felt your hand falling to your side and you bit your lip as you thought about what you wanted to do twice before letting your own hand push the fabric of your underwear to the side once more. You rubbed at your clit lazily as you softly moaned, your eyes closing at the sensation and you smiled when you heard the soft, "Shit." coming from a few feet ahead of you. Eren's eyes were transfixed on you, the way your head rolled back as your moans became louder and higher pitched was making him painfully hard and he wanted-no needed to be inside of you before he was sure he would come right then and there.

Your eyes were still closed when you felt him settle between your legs once more, eyes hazy and smile lazy as you felt him tug your panties down your legs. Your ass lifted briefly to help and you giggled when he grunted in annoyance from having to shuffle backwards to slip them off completely. He laughed with you as his hand cupped you by your jaw, lips finding yours in a tender kiss and the hand that had been rubbing at your clit was used to steady yourself by his shoulder. His muscles flexed under your touch and your breaths intermingled as he stared at you with such an intensity that you felt your stomach flip. You looked down to where he rubbed his length along your folds and gulped.

"I-I'm nervous." You admitted, cheeks blushing and Eren kissed your temple.

"It's okay, I'll take care of you. Do you trust me?" You gasped at the intensity in his eyes, Eren Yeager was one who never beat around the bush and you felt tears pool around your eyes as you nodded. Everything leading up to this moment overwhelmed you suddenly, losing your family, gaining your dream job, becoming independent so quickly, and falling in love with a man who turned into what so many feared but who let you place` flower crowns on his head during tea parties. He continued to maintain eye contact with you, your lips parting and eyes partly closing as he began to push past your labia. It all felt too much, but you wouldn't want to be anywhere else in that exact moment Eren pressed his tip into your passageway. There was a bit of resistance and the guttural moan he released made your eyes widen in an audible gasp, he looked ethereal with reddened cheeks, a slacked opened jaw, eyes that looked close to tears, and thin layer of sweat making his dark brown locks stick to his forehead.

He pushed another inch in, trying his best to not act too quickly or too harshly. All he wanted to do was fucking ruin you. Mark you as his by impregnating you and watching as you took every drop of his semen. It seemed you wanted it too as your hips jerked forward and took in another inch.

"Eren, please." You had no idea what you were asking for, he was being slow and gentle and as much as you appreciated his mindfulness, it had been six long months and if you had to go through another night of humping your pillow or rubbing one out with only fantasies of Eren touching you (Sometimes even Levi, depending on how much alcohol you had consumed) you were gong to scream.

Another inch and a deep chuckle was his response. Your eyes were set ablaze as the realization that he was teasing you.

"Please what baby?"

"Give it to me." You whispered, your hand tugging at his hair harshly and the hiss of pain he released was simultaneous when he completely thrusted his entire length into you. Your thighs jerked at the sudden intrusion and the cry you let out was loud enough that if anybody were nearby, the would have assumed someone struck you. Your hand smacked against his chest, your breath ragged as you attempted to give Eren an angry glance but your pussy betrayed you as it clenched hard around him.

You both released a gasp when Eren fully bottomed out inside you. His hips flush against your parted thighs and your foreheads pressed against one another, lips brushing but not kissing yet as you two came to terms of what was being done. You and Eren were one, there was no going back from what was about to transpire and you silently prayed that he wouldn't regret it later.

"Stop being in your head," He murmured against your mouth, eyes looking into yours, "Be here..."

He gave a heavenly thrust and you felt his arms wrap themselves around your waist as he forced you to fall back onto your desk with a small uff and your hands fell onto his shoulders. Your legs locked around his waist and the new angle caused him to be deeper inside you, but he continued to stare at your with that same admiration from that day he had met you.

"With me."

You nodded slowly, kissing Eren for what felt like the first time. A bit shyly and unsure as your mouth moved against his slowly, you savored the taste of tea and something sweet from his tongue and you let one of your hands hold him by his face as the other found solace in his hair.

Eren began to thrust into you, the rhythm a bit off at first as you two tried to find what worked and when he dipped his hips a little and heard the string of filthy words leaving your mouth, he gave a knowing smirk.

"Hmm, right there princess?"

You panted, your tongue lolling out as his began to go faster. One of your hands shot out to the side to brace yourself on something when Eren began to fuck you harder and instead you turned to see you hand knocked your bottle of ink over, the deep blue liquid was spilling everywhere but before you could let your brain process the mess, Eren began to suck on the flesh of your neck that you exposed when you moved your head. You moaned as you closed your eyes at the overwhelming sensations of it all, your hands grabbing at the muscles in his back and you arched your own and pressed your chest into him.

"Oh fuck," Eren moaned out, "This pussy is so good. You're taking me so well, princess."

"Yeah?" You panted out, "Going to cum in me, baby?"

Eren picked himself up on his forearms, too preoccupied with how pretty your tits looks bouncing with each thrust to notice the your hair was sprawled all over and the upper part of his arm was touching something wet, he figured it was the sweat you two were producing with your coupling.

"I'm gonna get you pregnant, make you mine forever."

"I'm yours!" You screamed as his hips slammed particularly harder down onto your own.

"Choke me, make me a mommy, cum in me, just please don't stop fucking me." You cried out, and a new sort of excitement showed in his eyes, his hand cupped just below your jaw and the light pressure he put on you made you moan louder.

The sounds of skin smacking, panting breaths, and heavy moans filled the air. Eren coaxing you to come all over his dick as you begged him to not pull out of you echoed of the walls of your office. You went on like that for a good while and you giggled in realization that your silent wish for everyone to leave the two of you alone for a while had come true.

Unbeknownst to you two, there had almost been three interruptions. The first being Captain Levi who wanted to ask if mixing his blood pressure medicine with wine would be too dangerous, but when he heard you scream he almost barged in before the unmistakable moan that followed made him fully come to a halt. He didn't even think twice about what was transpiring, briefly remembering that Eren was in fact with you this morning before quickly turning around and hauled ass as far from the hallway as he could. He wasn't sure where he was heading before he stumbled into Erwin's office, the commander looking up to see his captain look like he just ran a marathon.

"Levi? You look like you just saw a ghost?" His eyebrows creased, "Are you okay?"

"Yeager isn't as dense as we thought."

Eren stood to his full height, grabbing at your ankles and moving your legs onto his shoulders to they were fully parallel to his body. You let out another giggle at how your ankles were now on either side of his head, but the small kiss he gave your right one made you let out a noise of adoration. He gripped your hips, smiling as he noted the streaks of something blue all over your chest and neck but decided against telling you as your pussy began to pulsate around him. There was no way in hell he was going to stop you from orgasming.

The second time was Sasha and Connie as they wanted to ask if eating candies with the wrapper still on was anything they needed to worry about, but the sounds of your desk scraping across the floor with Eren commending you for being a good girl and taking him so well made the both of them stare at each other with wide eyes. The "Huh?"'s they exchanged were amusing to anyone else and Sasha grabbed Connie by the collar before they hightailed out of there. Connie wanting to see if Eren had really been capable of pulling you and Sasha calling it bullshit and stating that the real reason was that he wanted to see you naked.

His thrusts became wild and sloppy, the slushing sounds you two were making was the hottest sounds you ever heard. You held onto his wrists, your smile wide and beautiful and Eren knew he wasn't going to be able to hold out much longer.

"I'm not gonna last long," He let you know, you nodded as you reached down to rub your clit in circles.

"Fuck, you look so hot." He blurted, his cheeks a deeper red and you gave him another soft smile.

"Thanks, baby. You too." His abs were going to be the death of you and you hoped you would get the chance to suck him off later to lick them one by one in foreplay.

You felt him begin to twitch in you and you knew you were so close, your rubbing speeding up as Eren's thrusts were becoming more sporadic. The way his eyes began to roll upwards had you chanting,

"I'm-I'm cumming!" Your moan was breathy and high as you felt your release overwhelm your senses, you felt euphoria as you moaned so loud that Jean and Floch who didn't believe Connie when he said that Eren had managed to bed you stared at each other with wide eyes and gaped mouths as they stood outside your door. Their cheeks red as they rushed down the hallway as if their asses were on fire, not even halfway down the stairs when they felt their collars yanked at so harshly they almost trampled down, Captain Levi's glare knowing as he began to reprimand them for being nosy pricks.

Eren's cock dove into you hard and you felt him pulsate as he shot long ropes of cum into you, his essence overflowing as he filled you to the brim and painted your insides white.

His moan was unbelievably loud and low, the "I love you." That followed didn't go unnoticed by you and the smile he gave, made you realize how much he meant it.

"I love you." Your answered back, he pushed your thighs to your chest when he lowered himself to kiss you. His cock softening inside you and he slowed his thrusts down and milked himself dry. He tapped his tip on your sensitive clit, making sure he was empty before tucking himself back into his boxers and jeans. The creampie in you was beginning to ooze out and he used his two fingers to push it back in, your hips bucking at the intrusion and you whined about your sensitivity.

You sat up, your hand going to fix your hair, only groaning slightly when you felt the ink on some strands already drying. You huffed before jumping down and fixing your dress. Eren was putting his shirt back on, his back slightly turned to you and your eyes widened in embarrassment at seeing the blue ink in what was obviously your finger prints streaked all over. You looked down and saw that it had well faded from your hands, transferring to your lover who put on his jacket. You shrugged, figuring no one would see it and you could wash your hands later. Your hair would be a bit tricky to explain but you would be home to shower soon anyway, which reminded you-

"Do you want to stay over tonight?" You blurted, scaring Eren as his eyes widened, you bit the inside of your cheek and fumbled with your fingers.

He smiled, walking up to you and kissing you on the lips before replying, "I would love to. I have to do some work today, and pack an overnight bag but I'll be home by dinner." His eyes looked you over, stifling a laugh when he saw the marks of blue ink on your neck, debating on telling you but not being able to deny how cute they looked on you, a gentle reminder of what happened just moments ago and an odd turn on for him to think of it as him marking you as his, the lovebite also on the side making him watch you with love.

You nodded before giving a follow-up question, "Chicken or fish?"

"Fish." He nodded, you grabbed a few papers from your desk drawer and Eren asked if you were all set before taking your hand into his as the two of you began to walk out the office, you mentioned having to speak to Erwin about the cadet recovering from a broken limb and Eren listened patiently, your hands swinging in between the two of you and you both relished at how easy it felt to transition into a life of domestication together. He walked you to Erwin's office, his knuckles knocking on the door before a loud, "One minute!" replied.

You both shared a look of confusion before shrugging and stepping to the side. You fixing his hair and Eren's hand resting on top of your hips when the office door opened. You both turned to see Jean and Floch who sported sullen faces, their arms swinging in front of them as if they were children just denied a cone of ice cream.

"Boys?" You called, your free hand interlocking with Eren who stood in place as you took a step toward the pair. "Everything alright?"

They looked between you and Eren, Jean seeing the ink marks on your neck and seeing Eren's hair haphazard was enough to make him look to the floor, his cheeks reddening and Eren could only smirk. Floch was the opposite, he couldn't take his eyes off you as his face held a permanent grimace and you wondered if he was constipated.

"Baby," Eren called, tugging you back to him and Jean scoffed, Possessive ass is already showing her off. He thought to himself.

"They just got yelled at by Erwin, whatever they did was obviously bad, just leave them be."

You nodded in understanding, giving them a comforting smile and Floch didn't miss the knowing look in Eren's eyes.

"Sorry to hear about that. If you two ever need anything, you know where my office is."

"Yeah, that's the problem." Captain Levi's voice came from the doorway. Jean and Floch mumbled a quick goodbye before scurrying away and you couldn't help but fall into deeper confusion.

The captain and Eren exchanged looks before Eren bent to kiss your cheek.

"I got to go. I'll see you later, princess." You blushed at the nickname and public display, murmuring a soft okay in reply as your boyfriend? walked away from you.

You gave Levi a smile which he didn't return, you didn't miss the small blush on his cheeks and you figured it was from seeing such intimacy from Eren. You were almost positive Levi was still a virgin. Walking into Erwin's office, you all but skipped the man's desk, falling beside him and giving him a bright smile which he returned.

"Hey Erwin, just wanted to update you on the cadet's recovery plan. He should be back in training in a few months if he listens to my instructions, think you can help me?"

"Sure what do you need?"

"Well, I'd need you to sign these release forms first." You shrugged putting the papers in front of him, you looked at his desk and grabbed the pen, "Where's your ink?"

The chuckle the two men gave you made your eyebrows furrow in confusion.

"What?"

"Seems like you're wearing it, Doc." Levi's eyes flickered to your neck.

You let out a gasp and your hands slapped to cover you and the laughs that followed only made you blush furiously.

Dammit, You thought, Eren you idiot.

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