#and then!!! the other day i had a different dream where my mom was eaten by bears when they escaped at a zoo and I was trying to help peopl

[child-of-the-sea-and-sky]

I need to Not buy this brand of melatonin again

Shits got me having horrifying nightmares most nights right now

[lixxen]

can you tell us more about Grayer and their relationship with JD?

Of course!! I love talking about my boys :)

I'm gonna do this in bullet points so I can easily edit it as I go lol. These details pertain to both my Feral Branch AU, mentions of my my troll reproduction PowerPoint world building, and it's just his character in general :)

My playlist for them

Rest of the post is UTC to save everyone from chunky TL

To start off, some background about Grayer: he is alt rock/pop rock. His father is a rock troll and his mother is a pop troll who is one of many to escape the troll tree about ten years before the beginning of Trolls 1 (I can do a whole thing on them). The two fell in love, got married, and ran off to the Never Glade Trail to have Grayer. His dad carried him, so he's more like his dad (Granite and Flora are their names)

Grayer is the same age as Bruce, so a few years younger than JD. He grew up on the trail and takes care of the family's garden (which is basically a mini farm). He and his parents are big survivalists, so he knows how to survive pretty much on his own with just a backpack on his back full of a few items. He's rather quiet with patience, but with a quick ignition to fight at things he's passionate about; being raised by a very passive rock troll who is peace and love then pretty much the most metal head pop troll you'll ever meet. His mom's a spitfire with the heat of a thousand suns. But she's very sweet <3

Back then, he actually dressed in alt style; wearing a ton of baggy ripped black cargo pants, t-shirts of rock groups his dad gave him, some crop tops with fistnet tops underneath, the whole works. Eyeliner. Black stuffed bracelets and a choker. Troll's version of Docs (but the older, better quality ones y'know?). Now days, he's just plain Jane because he's older and doesn't have as much energy to keep up with it

Within John Dory's first few years, he struggled a lot. He traveled through Trolltopia and met a ton of people. They weren't the kindest, but understood the situation with Pop. So they would help and send him on his way towards Never Glade.

When he finally got there, he basically fell face first down. He lost half of his equipment and got horribly lost. He was optimistic and trying to act brave about being lost with not as many supplies. He realized he was way in over his head; he was some boy band dude who had a dream without much training. Dude is doomed by the narrative

Grayer, while out, found John Dory. He saw JD's fire in the distance and went to investigate it. He saw JD, who was different than the other trolls who would stop by his family's home. Normally he saw various Rock, Country, or random sub genre trolls come through either for the underground cross genre clubs or for hiking.

He actually watched JD for a bit. He was nervous to approach him at first. But after watching JD fail miserably to do a ton of very basic survival things, he decided to step in. He faked them running into each other and was like "you don't look too good! Let me help you :)"

JD automatically accepted it. This dude was doing BAD. The dude was debating on finding his way back to the Troll Tree. It was that bad. He'd rather be eaten by a Bergen than die out there where nobody would know what happened to him.

He also was amazed by some random troll about his age living out here.

So Grayer taught JD how to survive out there. JD learned how to properly get drinking water, patch wounds, make basic things, garden and gather food. The works! Literally he gave him survival classes-

JD was welcomed into the home by the parents. Grayer's mom was shocked to see another pop troll and she let him stay. She couldn't let the poor kid die out there or go back. She knew what that meant

Grayer and JD slowly grew close; bonding over music. JD would perform BroZone songs for him, to which Grayer would watch with the biggest dopey grin on his face

During this time, Grayer got into a nasty fight with one of the spider things. His hair got caught and he had to cut it off. He spends nights crying about his hair, but then styles it down. That's why it's short and looks like that. He keeps it short due to him living like that for so long.

Eventually, Grayer started to bring JD to the underground clubs that existed on the Trail. They were ran by outcasts and trolls who basically got ran out of their respected kingdoms for different reasons. Some where rebellious trolls looking for fun; or they just liked the scene. The two became prominent on the scene as "the love birds". Everyone knew them and some recognized JD from BroZone

Grayer's parents actually helped establish these clubs and underground community. They make clubs out of old hollow dead trees and then undergrown tunnel systems. They helped make the first few, since Grayer's dad was in construction. He doesn't run any of them. He just did the manual labor and helped perform multiple times. Grayer's family is just respected in the scene. There's about five families they're in kahoots with (I can expand on this if anyone wants).

Plus, they help trolls in need on the trail so people tend to know about the random trolls who help save people from death in the wild

Eventually, they ran into Floyd. Floyd was running with the alt/emo/grunge trolls. Some metalheads also. He was also running with a young Riff, who was only two years younger than Floyd. Floyd also has an underground career by now and has a mini indie grunge rock band suprisingly. (Riff's parents run one of the clubs and Riff lives with his grandad and little sister in the Rock Kingdom. Riff is Floyd's drummer and companion. They met in a grunge club in the Rock Kingdom. Floyd was gray for a while and passed as Rock). Floyd is excited to see his brother and he bonds with Grayer automatically

Floyd and Grayer have a heart to heart; talking about how Grayer is in love with JD. Floyd said that if Spruce and Grandma was there, they'd give their blessing. But since they're not and he is, he gave him his blessing.

Floyd 🤝 Grayer: being in love with their companion (past Riff/Floyd moment. They're just besties now y'know??)

JD and Grayer party a LOT during these years

Queue up JD punching some jerk for trying to come onto Grayer and then getting into a brawl outside of a club with the dude. Riff pulls strings to get them not banned from every club on the trail. Part of it is Grayer's parents being staples for making a safe underground scene on the Trail, but Grayer gives Riff the credit.

Around the eight year mark, Grayer finds baby Rhonda. She was abandoned by her mom so Grayer took her in. He gave her to JD as a birthday gift! That's how they know Rhonda so well. She's basically their baby :)

Grayer, at the ten year mark, confesses his love to JD. JD looks flabbergasted before saying he wanted to ask Grayer that. He was waiting for the right moment to ask Grayer if they could commit to one another. They were practically dating

So, they get married :)

JD braids Grayer's hair into the back of his hair, just in case one day he goes back to BroZone; so from the front you can't see it but the back you can. Grayer braids JD's hair more visibly in the front and wears it with pride.

The two are a grumpy old couple. They're very sarcastic but loving to each other, especially after marriage.

Did I mention that earlier? The two are a sarcastic and sassy power couple. They don't take shit and behind the scenes are very loving.

As the years go on, they don't have any eggs surprisingly. Everyone is shocked, but the two are perfectly fine with it. It happens sometimes; not every troll produces the viable eggs.

Grayer's parents die by the fifteen year mark, and they leave everything to Grayer and JD. They are pretty much set for life. So they're pretty much domestic besides when JD wants to go on adventures.

Speaking of which; JD goes on adventures sometimes, which leaves Grayer alone for a few weeks at most. The two are fine with it as long as JD tells Grayer about it. Normally it'll be in the form of the little bat dudes, like Queen Barb's bat Debbie. They have a flock of them that live around them. They feed them, so three or four will follow John Dory sometimes when he goes on adventures. They will basically bring communication back and forth

So, to the Trolls 3 plot

Riff comes back after World Tour to tell them about Branch!! He's alive and saved everyone!! Plus the pop trolls are free :)

JD sends a letter out to Floyd, who doesn't respond. He gets worried and decides to go try the Troll Tree, thinking that's where Floyd went. He tells Grayer he'll be back in a week and Grayer kisses him bye

That week turns into a month.

Grayer is worried sick and he can tell a ton of things are happening (because of the marriage stuff. If you don't read the PowerPoint then ignore this detail). JD doesn't respond to any of his messages, as they never get to him

Like, he's convinced JD is either dying or something bad has happened. He's hoping that JD isn't abandoning him.

He goes from being worried sick to being pissed because what the fuck his husband up and left and is clearly okay and alive!!! HE CAN TELL! JD CAN FEEL HIS DISTRESS!!

Grayer gets pissed, especially when Riff comes back to tell him about BroZone. He was happy for JD, but SEND YOUR HUSBAND A LETTER TO TELL HIM YOURE ALIVE!!!

So what does he do?

He throws JD's clothing out of the window in a fit of rage. Like. The dude is PISSED. He is what, in his 30's and his husband disappeared and could have been dead! He's having a moment. Let him be angry for the first time towards his husband

JD comes home during this.

JD stares in horror at the sight of his clothing being tossed out the window and he starts to scramble to grab them and get into the pod

Grayer sobs his little heart out to JD, who holds him and apologizes. JD explains everything. Grayer feels kinda dumb but vocalizes his feelings. The two come to an understanding

And eventually, he would meet BroZone and they'd enjoy him :)

[tojisun]

cuddle in the stuffie pile is my dream 🥺 the sharks will keep us safe! also you should totally get an orca stuffie but maybe i’m biased hehe.

vodka slush?? i haven’t had one of those!! how do you make one? oh goodness i’m gonna have to get a drink for tomorrow night! patiently waiting for the day when there’s more emojis and the orca is part of it ):

honestly that sounds like such a bad ass way to introduce them and they’re so powerful like i love them so so much. i wanna go watch this documentary now or something similar. i just get so sad watching them bc the babies always get into trouble. like i was watching prehistoric planet about dinosaurs and one of the babies got eaten and its like im feeling so sad about a baby from hundreds of millions of years ago…. ):

but orcas being more studied and classified and !!!! that makes me happy.

the sharks will keep us safe yes!!! i have a big big one that actually covers about half of my bed so yk we’re cGed and protected 🙂‍↕️

im planning on getting an orca one but i cant find one that looks soft enough so might just wait out on that one :(

VODKA SLUSH honestly idk how my friend does it (in measures) but its basically finely crushed ice, vodka, green apple soju, and melona ice cream. it upset my stomach the first time i tried it but then i got obsessed :’>

the documentary is called “blue whales: the return of the giants” bc its about the researchers trying to see if theres a sign of life of blue whales, particularly the babies!, in this region (which was a popular spot for hunting of blue whales back in the time) and when the orcas appeared, the researchers agreed that thats not a good sign because theyre the apex predator. but there are blue whales there! theyve returned and it was so 🥹

oh yea the babies always make me so :( like i saw this documentary of orcas stealing a baby humpback from its mom by following the swimming patterns of the mom humpback and the baby was confused so it didnt fight back! the narrators dont go into the details of what happened but it does get you a lil stumped yk

but yes this new development (because it was only released in may of this year) for orcas is so thrilling!! one of the diffs between bigg’s and residents i remember was where they swim. thing was, they swim in the same waters, what differed was the distance. idk which one swims farther than the other, so it also affects their diet and their hunting styles which, for a while, they thought was only caused by different cultures within each families, not bc theyre diff species!

hhhh sorry for the word vomit again 😔 and thank u sm for chatting w me!!!!

[loststarphounix]

Quick Persona 5 thing *putting on the Persona mask*

I love the dynamic of Ryui/Akira and Ryuji/Yusuke, but my favorite ship has to be Ryuji/Akechi because it hits that subsection of Strangers to Frenemies to Lovers to Tragic Enemies that I crave at times, which is the inevitable betrayal of trust and loyalty and the spiraling of obsession.

Persona 5 spoilers below

Like imagine Ryuji meets Akechi before the beginning of the game, he just thinks this guy is overly nice because he’s secretly a creep. He has no idea is Akechi is an actual celebrity and Akechi finds this immediately amusing and makes use of this by using Ryuji as a soundboard of sorts - gauging his reaction to certain key phrases and words to see what the average teenager is thinking and the trends of the day.

They are passing friends at first: seeing each other at the train station but going to different sides of the platform or heading out the station, seeing each other in the crowded streets after school and track practice where Ryuji is heading to the arcade or the ramen shop. Then they start to actually meet up on purpose, at the park or by the movie theater to enjoy whatever mindless action film was playing because that was Ryuji’s favorite genre. Akechi even visited his home a few times and was invited to stay for dinner with the family. It was nice…domesticed in a way he always dreamed. And more and more, Ryuji became his favorite person to text or call on days when he’s at his lowest or when the adults around him had pushed his buttons with their self importance. He was like a balm that soothed his heart. It was around this time, that Akechi realized that his affection was turning romantic, but he didn’t stop it. In fact, he decided to let it grow - after all he deserves love, like any of the other normal, more stupid teenagers their age. He could make Ryuji fall for him he was certain: he was attractive, not too tall, attentive and intelligent. He just had to make strategic moves to ensure their relationship evolved in the way his mind envisioned and it would be perfect.

But after second year, after Ryuji is attacked and subsequently kicked off the track team, things change. Ryuji is still his sunshine self, but it’s muted somehow, like the light was almost snuffed. Akechi hates that anything in this disgusting world tried to take the light from his only source of happiness. How dare it even think of touching Ryuji! The blond was his and the world had no claim to him.

Akechi makes himself more available to Ryuji, who even though is very much in pain and recovering, is badgering the young detective (“ have you eaten anything other than pancakes? Like I know I have a ramen obsession, but yours outdoes mine!” “You’ve been sleeping right?”) and it endears him to the blond. He wants to help, but Ryuji insists he can handle Kamoshida on his own and that his mom has enough to worry about than some other teen sticking his nose into their lives. But this doesn’t satisfy the brunet, because he cannot believe this goofy, lovable oaf wouldn’t want his money and connections to make his life better; even if he doesn’t know who Akechi actually is.

This leads to him planning on making Ryuji want to spend more time with him, promising himself that he’d reveal who he actually is and make Ryuji and his mom’s lives so much better. It wasn’t like it was going to be hard, Ryuji became his schools pariah after Kamoshida disbanded the track and field team. He was lonely, lost…in desperate need of a friend. And Akechi was that friend, giving him attention and love. And soon, with time, Ryuji would see that he didn’t need any of those idiots. He could have all he ever wanted, being by Akechi’s side.

But then Akira comes along and ruins everything Akechi worked on for the past year. How could he have predicted that the delinquent who transferred to Shujin Academy after assaulting and upstanding adult? And that Ryuji foolishly would see this thug as a kindred spirit?

Ryuji was spending more and more away from Akechi, to be with that scum. The light seemed brighter now, soaking the world in a warm glow that emitted from him every time they squeezed five minutes together. But it wasn’t from him. And it made Akechi want to scream at the injustice if it all. He was the one who found Ryuji first - the one who saw him as he was. Why can’t he be the cause for this warmth? Why was he not good enough to make Ryuji bloom again?

And after his cover being blown by this Akira and Miss Ann at the tv station, he can see the appeal…kind of. Akira was smart, he’ll give him that; clever too with how he almost trapped Akechi on live television with his questioning. Ryuji looked so impressed by his new “friend”, it made Akechi want to vomit. But he wasn’t Akechi, who knew how to sooth Ryuji on his bad days and knew just how to help when his leg started to acting up.

Then he finds out the truth about Ryuji and the Phantom Thieves - that his little sunshine was apart of that group of thugs? It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair.

And when Ryuji discovers his secrets - who Crow really is - and falls right into that criminals arms, it drives him to the breaking point. He decides that he’ll use the Palaces and Mementos to create the world that always should been his: him happy and loved and in love with Ryuji by his side, with Akira chained and humiliated; forced to see Akechi touch and claim what was never his again and again for all eternity.

Ryuji would be a little upset at first, but he’ll forgive Akechi. He’s foolishly kind like that. And he’ll understand in time why the other did what he did. He will…Akechi will make sure he will.

[rogueshadeaux]

Chapter Twenty-Eight — Enigma

I sent a pulse through the water to scare off the giant reptiles, sitting at the edge of the wood planks and swinging my bare feet over, letting them dip into the water and feeling the touch sooth that constant ache in my back.  A constant reminder that something was wrong. 

5.8k words | Good Luck tbfh | TRIGGER WARNINGS: bodily harm/injuries/hallucinations [mentions only], Familial arguing, domestic terrorism? I feel like that counts. Tags warn of a mild chapter I promise.

“Yep,” Zeke Dunbar said as he lowered the vial from his face. Taking off his glasses, he set the sample down on his cluttered desk, leaning back in the green and black gaming chair. “It’s tar, alright.”

Dad looked like he was on the verge of either homicide or suicide. “We know it’s tar,” he said, terse. “What we need to know is what you know about it.”

We were all shoved into the little living room space of Zeke’s stilt house, barely settled in before getting to business. Dad leaned against the little bistro table off on the side, Dr. Sims had claimed a corner to himself and was typing away on a mini laptop on his lap, two regular sized ones on either side of him. Brent was next to me on the miniscule loveseat, leg jiggling away. 

The guy seemed nice enough. The moment we got into his little hut, he had offered us food — ‘course, that constituted as two-day old bachelor pizza and soda cans from a mini-fridge that wasn’t all that cold, but hey, it was something. Especially considering the time was bordering two in the afternoon and we hadn’t eaten a decent meal in eight hours, give or take. 

So that’s where we were now; sitting in his living room — which was smaller than my bedroom back at Salmon Bay, stomaching old supreme pizza slices and watching Dad regret letting Dr. Sims talk him into leaving Washington. 

Zeke bit the temple tip on his glasses, thinking. “It was one of the first big issues we ran into after the Blast,” he began. “The woman that could control the tar was poisoning the water supply, made a buncha people her little minions by getting them to drink it. Once they had enough in them to change into Reapers, that was it. They were practically gone.”

“‘Reapers?’” Brent repeated beside me, mouth full of food. He had to be on what was his eighth slice; the entire way here he was complaining about feeling hungry. In the food and the Conduit sense. Could that have been because of his revival on the Causeway?

“That’s what the faction was called. You’ve gotta understand, after the Blast? It was an apocalyptic wasteland in there. Entire groups of people rose trying to take advantage of the situation. Who was gonna stop them, y’know?” Zeke shrugs. “The Reapers were one of those factions, led by this crazy bitch named Sasha.”

“That’s the one that was captured and experimented on by DARPA, right?” Dr. Sims asked from the side, not looking up from his computer. 

“And the CIA.” Zeke added. “Hated the woman, but she sure got the shit end of the stick.” Zeke shook his head, ridding himself of his thoughts. “Anyways, yeah. Tar was there, and this looks exactly like it.”

“What could it do?” Dad asked. 

Zeke trilled his lips, thinking. “Let’s see…it was different for Cole versus the rest of us normal people, I should warn you. He wasn’t nearly as affected as other people were. He’d get a headache like they would and feel a bit sick to his stomach but there were other things too. Being able to sorta hear Sasha in his head — he’d get these hallucinations—”

“Hallucinations?” I asked. 

My mind was days back and worlds away, standing in front of my mom in that pit of crystals. Could that…could that have been a hallucination? It would have made sense; I was in the middle of nowhere, with a sky that lacked a sun and some underground tunnel that opened up to a tree grove. It didn’t make sense, and I had spent the past few days trying to rationalize that fact to myself. Maybe it was a dream, or something induced by that stasis Dad had found me in when I was floating in the Sound. 

Some selfish little part of me hoped it was more than that, though. Was it irrational to sit there and pray that maybe I experienced death for a moment if it meant I got a second with my mom? Her voice, her laugh — God, I just wanted it all to be real. 

So the confirmation that it wasn’t hurt my heart more than anything else could have. 

Zeke looked at me curiously. “Yeah. He’d see these…mirages or what-have-you of people. Flashes of images, but that’s really it,”

Dad’s head cocked to the side. “Why do you ask, Jeanie?”

I froze; I couldn’t tell Dad about Mom. About what I saw. Not only would he shut down like he always did when she was mentioned, but I…I didn’t really want to share it with anyone at all. It would just lead to questions that I knew would sting, and I was too tired to try and keep myself from crying. 

So I gave a noncommittal shrug. “Just wondering,” I said, adding on, “It wouldn’t…it won’t start happening to me, right?” to sell the lie. 

Zeke shook his head. “Nah, not now. He’d only feel bad for a few hours, would usually shake it off after sleeping.”

“And he’d be perfectly fine the next morning?” Dad nearly demanded. “No lingering symptoms?”

“No, none.”

Dad groaned, looking up at the ceiling. “So this is a dead end.”

Dr. Sims finally looked up from his computer. “Not necessarily,” He began. “Augustine was transferred tar powers.” He stood, taking the small computer with him and setting it on the edge of Zeke’s desk. “Look,”

Dr. Sims’ arms gained those blue circular gauntlets, and there was a flash as the dimly-lit living room was bathed in the same color, pixels spreading through the air before condensing, becoming some holographic screen that free floated in the small open space. 

“When the fuck did you learn to do this?” Dad demanded, looking over at Dr. Sims, who waved him off. 

“I got ahold of nearly half of the DUP’s records years ago during the UN trial,” Dr. Sims began. “Managed to download them without anyone noticing during Augustine’s testimony. There’s one instance of a Conduit with tar powers in the entire seven years they were working—” he pulls up a file featuring the mugshot of this startlingly beautiful woman who was bald, eyes deep and unsettling. Like she knew many different ways to kill a person and get rid of the evidence. “Sasha LaRue, tar Conduit.”

Zeke nodded. “That’s her. Crazy bitch,”

“So what does that mean?” Dad asked, looking through the screen at his friend.

“It means that if there’s any place tar came from, it’s her.” Dr. Sims nodded with his head towards the mugshot. “She was one of the first Conduits they tested on. She was one of the first they killed.”

Brent’s leg stopped jiggling, and he leaned forward, elbows resting on his knees. “But would the DUP keep her tar? How did Archangel get it?”

“You don’t need a Conduit’s powers to do a power transfer,” Dr. Sims started. “You need their rayacitin protein.”

“Their what?”

Dad looked over at us. “Have you guys not gone over Conduit physiology in school?”

I snorted. “They barely went over human physiology, are you kidding? Our teacher was Catholic and skipped over so many things ‘cause she didn’t want to ‘put ideas in our heads,’” 

“Let alone the conduit physiology portion,” Brent grumbled. “They were an affront to God,”

Dad rolled his eyes. “Why did I even pay for you two to go to that school?”

“Well,” Dr. Sims started, “Rayacitin is the protein that gives a Conduit powers. Helps us perform conduvergence — which is when you use your power — and makes your fast healing happen. You only need a copy of that protein to artificially activate a Conduit’s conducrine gland.”

“Which means if they kept any of this woman’s DNA on file, there’s a chance that’s where they got it,” Dad groaned.

Zeke slowly set his glasses on his desk. “There’s…another place they could have gotten her DNA from.”

Dad’s head snapped around to look at Zeke. “What do you mean?” He asked cooly. 

“Well, Sasha was captured by the First Sons, too.” Zeke pointed out. “They drained her of this stuff just like DARPA did, and used it in Empire City—”

“But Empire City’s gone.” Dad interrupted. “How would they get the DNA from her if it’s underwater?” 

“Y’think tar doesn’t float? And Empire City wasn’t the only place them bastards worked.”

Dad glanced over at Dr. Sims. “Where else were they?”

Dr. Sims grimaced. “Well…here. New Marais.”

“This is where the power transfer device was used first too,” Zeke said. “Both versions.”

Brent held up a hand as if in class, but didn’t wait to be called on. “Wait — what’s the First Sons?” He asked. 

“They don’t matter.” Dad started with that annoying finality he’d been carrying around the past few days. I couldn’t take the coddling anymore. 

“Dad,” I began, “If they’re — if they’re a part of this somehow? They’re important.”

“They’re not something you need to worry about—” Dad tried to decide for me instead this time. Decide for me. I huffed a bit, shaking my head, making him blink before his face settled into a scowl. “What?” he demanded. 

“When are you gonna stop acting like we’re—” I struggled for a minute to find the words, “Like we’re too precious to know about this stuff, Dad? Too young?”

Dad grit his teeth. “You are too young to have to worry about this,” he insisted. 

I shook my head. “Didn’t really seem to stop them from doing this,” I said, raising my right arm to show off my nice little prize from the last time I was deemed ‘old enough’ to be a part of this. “We’re adults in ten days. Are you gonna make me wait for answers then, or are you gonna let me try to help figure out how to fix myself? It’s too late for us to not be involved in this.” 

We stared each other down through the blue light of the holographic screen, unblinking. He couldn’t keep leaving me out of things that affect my life and claim he was trying to protect me! I was sick of being treated like I was too fragile to handle anything. 

Dad eventually sighed, looking away. “The First Sons were this cult,” he started, relenting. Definitely didn’t look happy about it, though. “They basically engineered Conduits. Figured out how to activate them fully. They were the reason for the Empire City Blast.”  

“I thought that was a terrorist attack?” Brent asked beside me. 

Zeke shrugged. “Was it not?” 

Everyone fell silent at that; it hadn’t really connected with me before this moment that we were talking to someone that actually managed to survive Empire City. Not until Zeke got that same haunted look on his face Dad would when he talked about Mom or Uncle Reggie. 

Dr. Sims inhaled, taking the reins. “If what you guys found all those years ago working with Raymond Wolfe is true, the DUP seized almost all of the First Sons’ information. There’s nothing regarding them in any of my files beyond the power transfer device.”

Zeke laughed mirthlessly. “You think they did? Especially when half of the organization is in the bottom of the Birmingham Sound?” He shook his head. “Nah. The DUP didn’t have everything, and I can almost guarantee it.” 

Dad’s eyes narrowed at Zeke. “Are you saying you have information they don’t?” 

Zeke nodded. “Without a doubt. Don’t remember exactly what — it’s been nearly twenty years since I’ve touched anything. But I have some dead drops, a few documents. Stuff Cole and I managed to pack on the boat before heading here. Nearly everything we did find while we were here.” 

Dad straightened. “Where is it?” 

“‘Bout thirty miles east, buried underground.” Zeke responded. “But I can go get it. Maybe with all that, and by putting our heads together, we can get a lead on where exactly this Archangel came from, and what they want.”

Zeke stood, cracking his neck before saying, “It’ll take me a few hours to get where I need to go and dig it all up, so why don’t y’all rest up? You guys look beat.” 

There was a brief period where Zeke and Dr. Sims talked before Zeke donned some rain boots and left, footsteps echoing away on the dock outside before the motor to his own boat started. Dad looked at Dr. Sims as he called back the holographic projection accusingly. “I told you coming here was useless,” he said. 

Dr. Sims rolled his eyes. “You don’t know that yet, Del. How about we look at everything he’s got before we say it’s worthless?” He glanced towards us before adding. “Besides, they need to rest, and we need to talk.” 

I didn’t like the look the two exchanged before Dad nodded. “Yeah,” he resigned. “Yeah, okay.”

I woke up on the very edge of the full sized bed, Brent’s snoring in my ear. 

As if plopping too hard onto the bed and breaking the wooden frame with his weight wasn’t enough, he was now spread eagle on the mattress, leaving me the smallest sliver of space on the edge of it. One of my legs had already lost the fight and was lying against the cool wood floor, and there was no shoving him back to regain space when he was too goddamn heavy to move.

The room was almost pitch black thanks to how off the grid it was, the pale quarter moon barely doing anything to cast a light through the window. I nearly headbutt the doorframe as I tiptoed blindly out of the room, my phone — and its flashlight — stored away somewhere so no one could track it to Zeke’s hideout. 

He was really cautious, and I couldn’t help but wonder what he was running from. I mean sure, Archangel was a concern now, but he’d been living like this for years if what Dr. Sims said was true. Why the caution, why the fear?

The top of the stairs squeaked under my foot as I went to put my weight on it, so I took the rest of the stairway as a wave, solidifying on the bottom. Something in the center of my back twinged as my skin returned, leaving me to shrug my shoulders awkwardly to get the stiffness out. That gland Dr. Sims talked about, that’s what it was. That’s what hurt. 

Dad was on the loveseat in the living room, legs thrown over its arm. He was asleep, thank god — meaning it was easy to slip past him and open the front door, stepping out into the night. I walked along the dock, looking down at the near-black waters and the small white specks of the alligator eyes that caught the moonlight, twinkling like their own little stars in the abyss. 

I sent a pulse through the water to scare off the giant reptiles, sitting at the edge of the wood planks and swinging my bare feet over, letting them dip into the water and feeling the touch sooth that constant ache in my back. 

A constant reminder that something was wrong. 

It never hurt before. Using my powers. Maybe it was just because I was only really beginning to heal from what happened in that fight with Augustine, or maybe it was because I was in that stasis for a long time; but either way, there was a consistent sting in my shoulders just like when I start to run out of water and need to drain more. Like the organ wasn’t getting enough. 

Was it not? 

I sighed hard, letting my head drop into my hands; I had no idea what was going on anymore. I was confused, and scared, and felt angry that Dad couldn’t even trust me enough to be either without treating me like a child. How was I supposed to ask him questions about what’s happening if I couldn’t be sure he’d tell me the truth? He blames me for all of this, I just know it — and I couldn’t even disagree. 

I sat there in the dark, the chorus of the crickets and the scream of the generator doing nothing to drown out my thoughts. The sound of that car crash on the Causeway and Dr. Sims’ power trying to restart Brent’s heart echoing in my head. The way those icicles felt pushing into my skin. The smoldering of COLE’s burned remains. All haunting. All because of me being trapped in that alley, or turning my back, or doing something I was told not to do. All my fault.

“You know, the gators will bite off your toes if you stay there,” a voice called, making me jump and nearly sending me off the edge of the dock. 

I spun around, looking for the source and failing to find it until Zeke called, “Up here,” from the top of the old train car. He was sitting in one of those folding lawn chairs, using a cooler as a footrest. 

I laughed awkwardly, inwardly cursing; damnit, I was looking for a moment alone! “Nah, I uh,” I glanced back over my shoulder to the water. “I scared them away with my powers.” 

He nodded. “Right, right — water. Y’know, you’re the first water conduit I’ve met. I mean, I’ve met someone that could use steam, ‘couple light Conduits, even another steel one like your brother. But water? That’s a first.” 

I nodded, the awkward silence rushing over us despite all the noise of the night. I was on the verge of bidding him goodnight and going back inside when he motioned for me to join him without speaking.

I hesitated for another moment before moving to join him — what was I going to do, tell the host no? It felt rude to brush him off. So I swallowed my pride, figuring five minutes of my time wasn’t gonna kill me, and walked up to the old train car, climbing the ladder on its side. 

Zeke stood, offering me the chair and refusing to hear otherwise when I argued. He pulled two drinks out of the cooler, offering me a beer. 

I looked at it before glancing up at him. “I’m seventeen,” I said. 

“Woah-ho-hoookay, never mind,” He chuckled, crouching back down to the cooler and setting the offered beer off on the side. The ice in it was already gone, replaced with cool water that sloshed around as he murmured, “Pretty sure I…I’ve got cola here somewhere…” He made some sort of triumphant whooping sound as he pulled out a store-brand coca-cola, passing it to me. 

“Thanks.” I murmured as he closed the cooler and sat on top of it, looking off into the swamp. I fought the top of the can for a moment, trying to open it with the hand in the cast before giving up and swapping hands, frowning. 

“I saw what you did.” Zeke said. “The fight with Augustine. Gotta say, you were impressive — wouldn’t have expected a kid to be able to do all that. The whirlpool? Holy hell. Bet you’re a hit at pool parties.” 

I had to admit, that managed to get me to laugh. I never even stopped to consider the type of things I could do at a pool or a water park or something. “I’ll have to try it when we…when we’re done with this,” I said, the chuckle dying off in my throat. 

Zeke leaned forward, beer hanging in his hand between his legs. “Don’t worry about it, kid,” he began. “We’ll get to the bottom of whatever’s going on.” 

I nodded, unspeaking. How could he be so sure? I definitely wasn’t.

“I got everything from when Cole and I ran around for your pops and Eugene,” Zeke added. “Found some other things from when I was working with the Conduit Rights League and Project Sanctuary, though your dad probably has access to those files, being a part of COLE.”

I glanced over at him. “You…you really were friends with Cole MacGrath?” 

Zeke chuckled. “Friends? We were practically brothers.” He said. “Met him when I moved to Georgia as a kid, I was the new kid and always being, you know, big boned, I immediately was bullied. Didn't matter to Cole though. He came up to me at recess, didn’t even let me talk before pulling me into some spy game, and we were inseparable after that.”

“So you knew each other since you were kids?” 

Zeke nodded. “Eight or something like that.” 

“Wow,” I murmured. The great Cole MacGrath, and Zeke knew him before he hit puberty. “What was it like? Being there for…” I drew off, unsure how to summarize it, “All of it?” 

Zeke chuffed. “Wild, but you also gotta remember — the world was ending. Everything was flipped on its head. Cole having powers was just one of a buncha fucked up things going on, we couldn’t even really concentrate on that.” Zeke took a swig of his beer. “That being said…it was pretty badass. It felt like I was there for my best friend’s superhero origin story. It was like them old comic books we used to read as kids.”

Zeke seemed humored in a melancholic sort of way as he thought back to whatever memory was playing in his mind then, and I let the conversation die for a moment, nursing the soda. 

But — God, I was sitting next to someone who knew Cole MacGrath! The first Conduit. I couldn’t really keep myself from talking as I asked, “How did he deal with it?”

“With his fists, mostly,” Zeke comments, glancing over at me. There was minimal lighting outside — just a few floodlights on the front of the house and the old train car — but it was enough to see that his eyes, now lacking those sunglasses, were brown. “But it was…something else entirely. There was no group or someone to talk to. We were on our own through most of it, especially at the beginning.”

My brows furrowed. “You mean…like, learning to use his powers?” I asked. 

Zeke nodded. “Yeah. Our version of training was having him charge up dead car batteries or shoot mannequins we stole from JCPenney.”

I played with the tab on my soda. “Was it hard for him to figure it out on his own?”

“Both times sucked pretty bad,” Zeke said. “The first time, after his coma, his powers were just outta control.”

My brow furrowed. “His coma?” 

Zeke nodded. “Took him a while to brush off what happened after the Blast.”

After another moment, I asked, “How long was Cole MacGrath in a coma for?”

“You can call him Cole, I don’t think he’d be upset.” Zeke chuckled. “And he ain’t here to yell at you if he is. But, to answer your question, a week. There were actually a couple times he was put outta commission by something.”

A week. “So there’s a chance that — what’s happening to me — it’s something that’ll fix itself?” I asked.

Zeke sighed. “Let’s hope.” 

I didn’t like how noncommittal that answer sounded. 

“Did he ever…” I drew off, unsure of how to phrase the next question. “Was there ever something wrong with his powers after getting hurt?”

Zeke looked over at me, cocking an eyebrow. “Why? Is there something wrong with yours?” 

“Dad said that my mom had something go wrong with hers.” I started. “And I don’t — there’s nothing wrong, but it sorta hurts to use my powers. Like I feel sore when I do.”

Zeke hummed. “Have you told Eugene this? Your father?”

It was still so weird to hear Dr. Sims be referred to so casually. “No,” I admitted. 

“You need to. Anything regarding your health right now, they need to know.” 

I knew he was right. I just didn’t want to admit it; I let Dad know the truth, and he’d put me in bubble wrap and tie a leash to me so I wouldn’t be able to move or stray far without his permission.

There was a moment of silence where I looked down at the drink in my hands before Zeke said, “Once.”

I looked up at the man, who was staring off into space. “Hmm?” 

“There was one time Cole’s powers were messed up after a fight.” Zeke clarified for me. He brought the bottle to his lips and threw his head back, chugging the entire thing in a five second span that I was sure would have impressed Brent if he was here. He moved to open the spare, clearing his throat. “The first time he fought the Beast, it had…broke his powers, I guess you could say. He wasn’t strong, could barely drain. Lost some of his mojo, too — all the old moves he could pull with his electricity? Gone.” 

My brow furrowed. “Like he, what, forgot how to use them?” 

Zeke nodded. “Was too weak to use some moves and had to rebuild himself, but after that? Lost some completely.” 

What? “The Beast broke him?” I asked in disbelief after a moment. Zeke nodded. I’d never heard of anything like that happening before. “Then how…how did he get fixed?” 

“Time. Blast Cores.” Zeke chuckled to himself as an afterthought. “Probably pure spite, too,” 

“Blast Core?”

He looked over at me. “You don’t know what the Core Relays do,” He realized. He readjusted to face me better before continuing, “You know how every nuclear generator has a little core to make the energy, like a battery?” I nodded, prompting Zeke to continue, “Well, Blast Cores were the battery. The middle part that powered up the whole thing, nuclear-style. An informant we had told us how it would give a Conduit new and stronger powers. It’s how he juiced up to fight the Beast in the end.” 

“I didn’t even know the relays were nuclear energy,” I admitted. “Just thought they were some weird battery.” 

“Nope. They’re straight RFE.” Zeke said simply. 

RFE. Ray Field Energy. That was that secondary field of energy they discovered around the earth, I think. It’s what I answered on my Earth Science exam at least.

But something popped up in the back of my mind, in flashes of blue and visions of water. “My Dad, he — there was this thing that happened with a Core Relay. He managed to hit me with the power from it when he was trying to drain it, and it gave me visions of how my powers worked.” I looked over at Zeke. “Did Cole ever experience anything like that?” 

Zeke nodded. “Oh yeah. Sorta like a premonition of how the power worked?” I nodded vigorously. “Yep. He’d get them when connected to a generator too, back in Empire City. We had to bring the electrical grids back online and when he’d connect that current, it did something. Would show him a new power. Dunno why, though.” 

“I think…” I drew off, lowering the can from my lips. “I think it’s because he was connected to the element. It happened to me when I was fighting Augustine — the water helped me when I got hurt. It…it reminded me to breathe and it washed out my cuts, and it gave me these flashes of visions on what to do to fight her. When you’re in your element? I don’t know, it feels like you become—“ I faltered when I looked up to see how Zeke was looking at me. “You become one,” I finished meekly. 

He nodded once. “Kinda how Cole had described it.” He said. “Gotta be nice, that feeling,” 

I shrugged. “It’s something. Kinda weird, kinda cool.” 

He raised the bottle, pausing with it pressed against his bottom lip to ask. “And the hallucination?” 

My heart skipped a beat. “T-the what?” I stuttered. Completely unconvincingly, may I add. 

Zeke finished his swig. “Kid, I’m a lotta things, but I’m not stupid. Not usually, at least. When I was talking about how the tar worked, you looked like you had seen a ghost.” He shrugged. “You ain’t gotta tell me, but I just wanted to ask. Definitely seemed like you had questions.” 

My eyes fell to the ground and then closed, Mom’s form imprinted on the lids. I could still picture her smile with ease, how expressive her eyes were when her voice rang in my head. She wagged her eyebrows a lot when she talked — she seemed so expressive in everything. It felt too real to be fake. “Cole, did he…what were the hallucinations like?” I asked, opening my eyes. I didn’t raise them though. “You probably don’t know, actually—“ 

“No, I do. Somewhat. I know he imagined up his dead girlfriend.” Zeke said solemnly. “Enemies attacking him.”

“Any sort of…terrain change?” I asked gently. 

Zeke shook his head. “No, but then again, he only accidentally swallowed the stuff. I know yours went in your bloodstream, gotta imagine it would change things.” 

I nodded, letting silence fall between us and fiddling with the tab of the can until it popped clean off. Zeke let it linger too, and I wasn’t sure if I was grateful for that, or if the tension of my manufactured memory was enough to make me audibly say it. Confirm to someone else that for a moment, it was true. “I saw my mom.” I said simply. “She’s been — I don’t remember her, she died when we were babies. But she was there in this weird place and had hugged me and talked and laughed and it—“ my voice cracked, and I clammed up immediately. “It felt so real,” I finished on a whisper. 

“You’re worried it’s not,” Zeke declared simply. I just nodded. “Well, lemme ask you something: does it matter?” 

What? I looked up at him, the edges of his form blurry through my tears. “Huh?” 

“In the end, does it matter if it was some hallucination? It was a moment with your mom.” Zeke leaned back, looking up at the stars. “I sometimes have dreams with people I’ve lost. My momma, Cole, my old dog Beefcake. I count them as a different sort of memory; them checking up on me. And I mean, sure, I wake up sad they ain’t real — but does it matter?” He shook his head at his own question. “Nah. It’s important to me, and that’s all that matters.” 

“I just wish I knew what was…true. What’s going on,” I said. 

“We’ll figure it out. Way your dad is going, he’ll have it solved before the week is up.” Zeke said. 

I cringed; Dad was doing nothing but being snippy and rude to Zeke, and it was obvious that he didn’t like the guy. “I’m sorry about him, by th—” I started before Zeke waved a hand, cutting me off. 

“Ain’t your fault. Can’t even get angry at your father. He’s gotta be stressed outta his mind, trying to figure out what’s wrong with his little girl.” Zeke sighed. “Can’t say I wouldn’t act the same, if I were in his shoes. He’s scared outta his mind right now. Can’t fault him for it.”

“He’s mad at me,” I said solemnly. “I keep messing up and getting us into more and more trouble whenever he solves one issue.”

Zeke shook his head. “I don’t believe that—”

“I almost got my brother killed coming down here. I didn’t hide like he wanted me to when we were being shot at by those snipers and Brent almost died because he — he had to worry about keeping me alive. I killed so many people in Seattle. I got kidnapped in Portland ‘cause I wasn’t cautious enough and it ended up getting Archangel to bomb COLE.” I set the can down on the train car’s roof— my hands were shaking too hard to hold it without spilling some. “I keep messing everything up.” 

Zeke leaned forward a bit. “I don’t think he blames you for anything.” He said softly. “Your dad reminds me a lot of Cole — ever since he got his powers, he’s had to sacrifice. I know he lost his brother. I know he lost your mom, and his parents, and a buncha his tribe. He’s scared of losing you too, especially now that someone’s hunting him. He’s stressed and wants to keep you safe — and I bet he feels just as guilty about the fact that he wasn’t able to the last few times. He’s trying to keep you from being in some position where he can’t help.”

I blinked. “I hadn’t…thought of it like that.” I admitted. All of the precaution and anger Dad was feeling; was it because he was scared, not angry at me? Not blaming me for everything that was happening or thinking I was incapable of taking care of myself after getting hurt? 

Zeke left the conversation floating there, letting me sit in my thoughts. I had to admit, it was hard for the silence to feel awkward around him; there was a comfort to his presence that said nothing really needed to be said. It left me to stew in my thoughts regarding Dad, to sit there and imagine a moment in his shoes. Watching him fall into the Sound, not finding him for days, and once I do, him not healing. God, I’ve been so blind. “I think I’m going to go talk to my Dad,” I said suddenly, standing. I’ve been so scared and confused that I’ve been taking it out on him more than understanding he’s feeling the exact same way. 

“Sure,” Zeke nodded. “I’m gonna stay out here a while longer, maybe have one more before bed.” I’ll be in later, if you want to have a private conversation I could hear in the tone. I smiled gratefully at him before whooshing off the edge of the old rail car and down to the dock, solidifying from the wave on its rough wood. 

Dad jumped awake when I walked back into the house, not bothering to be quiet. His arm lit up in ash and ember as he blinked sleep out of his eyes, moments away from blasting off a shot before realizing it was just me. “Jeanie?” He asked scratchily, clearing his throat and shaking the smoke off of his hand. “What’re you doing awake?” He sat fully up, swinging his legs around so he was facing me — and it was then that he realized I was crying. “What’s wrong?” 

“I’m sorry.” I couldn’t stop the tears once they started. “I’ve been mean a-and rude with you when all you’ve been trying to do is help me and it’s—“ 

“Hey, hey, no,” Dad hummed. His arms wrapped around me immediately when I hit the ground in front of him on my knees. “It’s okay.” 

“I’m scared.” I admitted into his chest. “I don’t know what’s happening anymore,” 

“I know,” He muttered into my hair. “I know. But I promise you, I’ll do everything in my power to fix this.” 

[innerpalaces]

The Life of a Cannon Fodder Mother-in-Law - 3

Chapter 3: The Deceived Mother-in-Law 3

Liu Yuniang's tone was stern. Qi Hechen stopped arguing, lowered his head and said, "Mom, I know I was wrong. Please help me this time. I really want to live a good life with Yan'er."

Liu Yuniang hated men who didn't take responsibility the most. She mocked, "If you really wanted to, you wouldn't have accepted another girl's gifts to the point where you can't refuse her now." These words were extremely rude. Qi Hechen looked up in surprise: "Mother?" Liu Yuniang waved her hand: "You can make up your own mind, but again, if you really want me to go, it will be to propose marriage." If Qi Hechen wanted to propose marriage, he would not come to his mother for help. He was extremely puzzled: "Mom, aren't you afraid that Yan'er and I will quarrel?" "You are already married, and are about to be a father and start your own family. Is it useful for me to be afraid?" Liu Yuniang said solemnly: "Hechen, your father and I will not be here forever. You are already grown up. You should solve problems by yourself. Don't rely on us." Qi Hechen was surprised, and after a long while he said: "Mom, you said that you treat me and my sister the same. Do you really mean it?" "Even if it's different, that's normal!" Liu Yuniang said seriously: "Ten fingers have different lengths.(t/n: This is a commonly used idiom meaning that even though something is the same - ie. 'fingers' - doesn't mean they are equal - ie. 'different lengths'). All parents are biased. The only difference is just how biased. "

Qi Hechen: "..." He never dreamed that his mother could express her partiality so confidently. Isn't she afraid that it will affect their relationship as mother and son? "Do you prefer my sister because I am not your biological child?" Liu Yuniang smiled angrily: "You know how I have treated you over the years. If you insist on thinking that way, there's nothing I can do about it." Qi Hechen was unconvinced: "You make it sound like I'm a white-eyed wolf. This son always respects and admires you, but you..." "Really? " Liu Yuniang yawned: "I didn't sleep well last night. Let's talk about it later." With that said, she entered the inner room. Qi Hechen still wanted to say more, but no one was there to listen. He stood there and couldn't recover for a long time. His mother... seemed to suddenly no longer care about him. When he came to ask for help today, he never imagined that he would be rejected, because in the past, his mother wanted to their husband and wife to love each other. She was most afraid of someone sowing discord between them, and evgen once severely punished a maid who was interested in him. He was puzzled and couldn't figure out the reason, so he could only leave in frustration. Liu Yuniang leaned leisurely on the soft couch, listening to Qi Hechen going out. She knew in her heart that he would not be able to coax the girl when we to her door today.

In the evening, Qi Zhengming, who had not been home for a few days, suddenly came back and insisted on having dinner with her. Fortunately, Liu Yuniang had already eaten, otherwise she would have lost her appetite. "Madam, I have something to discuss with you." Qi Zhengming said almost as soon as he put down the bowl and chopsticks: "Hechen met a girl outside. Seeing that he was born into a wealthy family, she thought of entering the household to be a concubine. A family like ours can indeed take concubines, but they must be of good character. A girl with a pure nature would never volunteer herself as a bedmate like this. Tomorrow you take the time to go to the Liu family in Walnut Alley and give them some money to make them give up this idea." Liu Yuniang waved her hand: "Hechen is not a three-year-old child. Does he still need my help with this kind of thing? It's not good to spoil him this way. Let him figure it out on his own." Qi Zhengming was speechless: "Madam, if this matter gets too big, the couple will quarrel. If the in-laws come to visit, you will have to deal with it. " "We'll worry about that later." Liu Yuniang said seriously: "This matter is originally Hechen's wrong. Let him learn a lesson so that he will not make the same mistake again in the future. " You..." Qi Zhengming was a little anxious, because if she refused to go, it would fall on him. "Madam!" he said in a serious tone: "You can teach the children a lesson anytime. They say family scandals should not be made public. We can't lose our face outside." Liu Yuniang looked at him and asked, "So, you want to let me be the villain?" Qi Zhengming was speechless. He really didn't want to go himself, and Qi Hechen really didn't want to be known as a ruthless person, so he refused to come forward in person, so he came to persuade her. "If you don't go, I won't go either." Liu Yuniang raised her voice and ordered: "Take the food away and prepare water for me. I want to take a bath." After saying this, she didn't even look at him and went out on her own. She refused to help and seemed angry when he refused to say anything. Qi Zhengming was too lazy to coax her and walked away. The couple separated unhappy. When Liu Yuniang was washing up, she called the maid and gave her instructions. So Qi Zhengming, who had just left home, received an invitation from a friend to go out for a drink. He was troubled and readily agreed. The friend Liu Yuniang found was fond of drinking, but his family background was average and he could not afford good wine. She was very direct and asked him to accompany Qi Zhengming to drink and soothe his sorrows, and she paid for everything. It was rare for that person to encounter such an opportunity, so when he ordered the wine, he naturally went for the more expensive ones. In order to enjoy himself, he persuaded Qi to drink many times. Therefore, Qi Zhengming did not return home that night, he stayed in a restaurant and remained drunk all day the next day.

Drinking so much caused him to oversleep and he ended up breaking the promise he had made to his son. So, when a girl surnamed Liu came to the door, Liu Yuniang was not surprised at all. After hearing the servant report that she was a friend of Qi Hechen, she immediately invited her in. She also sent someone to invite Zhao Zhenyan.

Zhao Zhenyan was in the house and came over very quickly. To be honest, she was always impatient dealing with this mother-in-law, but she was an elder so she didn't dare to disobey her. "Mom, what do you need from me?" Thinking of what was about to happen, the smile on Liu Yuniang's lips became gentler: "There is a person outside who claims to be Hechen's friend. I thought you might know them, so I invited you over. " After learning that this was the case, Zhao Zhenyan's expression softened: "What's their name?" Liu Yuniang picked up the tea cup and covered the smile on her lips: "I don't know yet. I heard she is a girl." At this moment, the maid came in with a girl in a pink skirt. It could be seen that the girl was very nervous, tightly gripping her sleeves with white fingertips, and she was walking cautiously, as if she were afraid of stepping on the bluestone. On the other side, Zhao Zhenyan, who subconsciously raised her lips a polite smile when she heard that the guest was about to enter, could no longer smile at this time. She is the only daughter in her family and has been pampered since she was a child. She also has a domineering temperament. Liu Huixin had always been kind to her after getting married, so she still had a straightforward temperament and directly asked: "Do you know my husband? Why haven't I heard him mention you?" Liu Chanchan said: "Greetings to Madam." The greeting etiquette was done well. Liu Yuniang nodded: "Welcome." She also asked someone to serve tea. Her gentleness also made Liu Chanchan relax slightly, showing a shy smile. It was probably a woman's intuition that made Zhao Zhenyan feel very uneasy at this time. Looking at the woman in front of her, she asked again: "What is your relationship with my husband? Why did you come to see him?" "He..." Liu Chanchan lowered her head. : "The satchel he asked me to embroider has been finished, and I brought it to him personally." As a man, it is normal to find an embroiderer if he needed something embroidered for him. But such arrangements should be left to others. Qi Hechen didn't need to worry about his food, clothing, housing and transportation at all. How could he find an embroiderer on his own? Besides, looking at the shy appearance of this girl and the expressions on her face when Qi Hechen was mentioned, only a blind man would believe that there was no romance between the two. Zhao Zhenyan's face was already livid: "My husband doesn't need to find someone to buy satchels from. All the embroidery on his body are made by skilled old artisans. You must have remembered wrongly." She shouted: "Someone come, see off the guests." Liu Chanchan's face was full of surprise and her eye circles gradually turned red. Seeing the maid coming to escort her out and that Zhao Zhenyan was so rude, she blurted out: "Madam, haven't you heard of me?"

"No." Zhao Zhenyan spoke firmly and wanted to urge the maid to hurry up. Before she could speak, Liu Yuniang took the lead and said: "Girl, you know my son's name and you also found your way here. I believe you two know each other. But Zhenyan is right, all my son's clothes and accessories are taken care of by the two of us. It's really not his place to go out and do the shopping. You'd better tell me the real purpose of your visit." Liu Chanchan looked at the two of them and asked again: "You really haven't heard of me? Liu Yuniang nodded: "Who are you? Where do you live? How did you meet my son?" Zhao Zhenyan next to her felt particularly uncomfortable. She didn't want to know this at all. She said in a deep voice: "You leave." "Since you have come to the door, let's make it clear before leaving." Liu Yuniang made the final decision. Zhao Zhenyan clenched her teeth in anger and her chest kept rising and falling. "Hechen... Master Qi said he wanted to pick me up, and he also said he had discussed it with his family, so I came." Liu Chanchan saw that Qi Hechen didn't show up for several days, and no one from Qi's family came, so she felt a little uneasy, that's why she came here. It takes a lot of courage for a girl to visit her lover alone. But Liu Chanchan also knew in her heart that there were some things that she couldn't force. But if she didn't fight for herself, good things would definitely not happen to her. Qi Hechen is a scholar, and the Qi family is more afraid of outsiders knowing about their dealings with her than she is. When Zhao Zhenyan heard these words, her head buzzed, and she felt difficulty breathing for a moment. After finding her voice, she angrily yelled: "Where did this crazy woman come from!? She dared to come to the door to make trouble! Come, kick her out!" Liu Chanchan's face turned pale. Liu Yuniang had already said: "Stop." She turned her head and looked at this cheap daughter-in-law disapprovingly: "Since she is here, we must ask questions clearly before letting her leave. Hechen is a scholar, and such things cannot be allowed to ruin his reputation." When Liu Chanchan heard this, she reacted very quickly and immediately said: "If you drive me out, I will bash myself to death at the door of your house." Liu Yuniang: "..." This girl is so smart. Although she has long known from Liu Huixin's memory that Liu Chanchan is difficult to deal with, it seems that she still underestimated her. Zhao Zhenyan gritted her teeth with hatred: "What do you want? " Liu Chanchan lowered her head, feeling a little embarrassed. The elders of a family have always made the final decision on marriage matters, whether rich or poor. Yet she secretly interacted with Qi Hechen without telling her family. If her parents knew about their relationship, they would not stop it, they would even be very enthusiastic. But this is not what Liu Chanchan wants. She doesn't want the relationship between the two of them to be mixed with other people's interests, and she doesn't want him to misunderstand that she only loves him for his money. "Young Master Qi said that he would accept me into the household." Zhao Zhenyan's expression changed drastically. The cup in her hand fell to the ground and broke into pieces. Tea splashed everywhere.

t/n: Although Liu Chanchan and Liu Yuniang/Lui Huixin both have the surname 'Liu', they are not related. In the original chinese, the character for Chanchan's 'Liu' is a different character than Yuniang/Huixin's 'Liu', so they are actually different words (like bear vs bare). 

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OC-tober shorter prompt list from @endrae,

Day 4: Dream

Home was just as S'ria remembered, perfectly unchanged.

It got cold out here sometimes, when the temperature dropped at night, but sitting around the fire was enough to help except for only the coldest times of the year. Warm food helped too. S'ria gratefully took a bowl of soup from his mother as she settled back down across from him. Her hair was a somewhat darker and more saturated color than his (and far curlier besides), but it always had this amber glow to it when the firelight caught it just right.

S'ria waited patiently for her to start eating, gently nudging G'raha to do the same. Normally, the Nunh would be served first, but they must've gotten here late after travel, after others had already eaten and presumably since gone to sleep. It was kind of his mother to stay up and cook for them, at whatever time it may have been.

It was halfway through the meal, once S'ria felt fully warmed through, that she got their attention.

"So, Ria, are you going to properly introduce me to this "Raha" of yours?"

Her voice held only a mix of fondness and amusement. S'ria relaxed. The tone, at least, was a good sign. G'raha looked rather the opposite of relaxed and S'ria put his hand over G'raha's where it rested on the ground. It's fine, he tried to convey.

"This is G'raha Tia, my… partner? Yes, that's the best word for us." S'ria realized they'd never had a recent conversation about labels, but – it seemed right. Lovers was not something that needed to be touched upon, and boyfriend just felt…too casual for what this was.

"A G Tribe boy, huh? I assume you two met in Eorzea, not somewhere farther off. What's the story there?"

"Ma, haven't I told you that in my letters?"

She frowned at him. "Yes, but you always leave out so many details." The smile popped back onto her face. "Besides, I want to hear it from G'raha."

G'raha shot S'ria a somewhat panicked look and he just shrugged helplessly. She could be persistent, G'raha may as well. S'ria held back a fond laugh – if she wasn't careful with the whole Allagan research part, she might get a bit more out of G'raha than she expected.

S'ria was anxious as well, but for different reasons than G'raha – they'd talked before this, agreeing to please not tell his mother how dangerous his life was, but it was hard to dance around without lying. She'd… worry so much, if she knew.

"Y-yes, ma'am." (S'ria wasn't sure if anyone had said "ma'am" to her in her entire life before this moment.) "Well, 'tis honestly a rather simple story. My topic of research as a scholar was always the ancient Allagan Empire, you see, and there was a perfect research site in Mor Dhona. Your son lived in the area at the time and was always picking up whatever jobs interested him. We met because he agreed to some material procurement and to helping us with, uh – he was a bit like a bodyguard?"

Short and not inaccurate. Well, bodyguard wasn't a lie, at least – and it was better than 'volunteered to clear out possibly the most lethal bit of Allagan architecture ever located.'

S'ria's mom gasped delightedly. "Oh, that's very romantic. If S'ria was protecting you, I can see why you fell for him." Her eyes narrowed. "You're able to take care of him too, right?"

G'raha briefly looked terrified. "Of- of course! Archery just wasn't the best thing to use for that situation – and I've since taken up various forms of magic, for both combat and healing."

Her face softened. "...Healing magic, that's good. I'm glad."

G'raha relaxed, apparently having passed whatever test that was.

"Was it love at first sight?"

G'raha seemed to have far less difficulty or hesitation answering that one. "Honestly? Yes."

"And Ria, how long did you keep him waiting again? Three years?"

S'ria's tail bristled. Gods, he couldn't even defend himself here. Technically it was less than one year because he was in suspended sleep. No, that wouldn't do – though there was at least an excuse he could give that was truthful.

"After his work was done at that research site, I… actually didn't see him again until recently." The sense of regret in S'ria's voice was not faked, even if his mother was somewhat in the dark about what caused it.

Her face fell and S'ria immediately wished he had just let her make fun of him and kept the subject light. "Oh, I'm sorry dear – that sounds like a sore subject." She walked around the firepit to collect their empty bowls and pat their clasped hands. "You two are together again now, that's the important part."

"Yes." S'ria and G'raha both spoke at the same time and she smiled at them.

"You both must be exhausted after traveling here. That tent on the end is vacant for you both." That familiar teasing look came into her eyes again. "Do try not to wake anyone up, yes?"

"Ma!?"

"I'm joking, Ria – G'raha seems far too worried about our opinions for that."

S'ria was certain that G'raha's face must be entirely red by now. S'ria had tried to warn him, his mother was very prone to teasing when it came to her son, even if it came from a place of deep love. She would definitely start breaking out embarrassing stories in the morning, S'ria just knew. Ah, but – G'raha would probably genuinely enjoy hearing about his life, wouldn't he? For some reason, S'ria felt as though he hadn't told G'raha nearly enough stories about himself.

S'ria cleared his throat and pulled G'raha to his feet. "Well, we will be going to lie down – to sleep, after traveling halfway across Gyr Abania today." He dropped the semi-affronted tone in favor of something softer. "Goodnight, Ma".

She turned to walk to her own tent with a good-natured laugh. "Goodnight Ria, Raha."

G'raha half-stifled a gasp and S'ria squeezed his hand. Once they were sitting down in the tent, alone, S'ria turned and whispered to him.

"Are you all right? Is it... okay that she called you that?"

"Y-yes, I. Yes. I am very all right."

"Good."

The tent was small, as most were, and the process of removing their travel-dirtied outerwear would probably have been easier outside. They managed. There wasn't exactly room to stretch out side-by-side – the whole tent was probably smaller in floor space than S'ria's bed back in Revenant's Toll – but it wouldn't be the first time they'd slept in very close quarters. S'ria lay down behind G'raha, wrapping himself around his back and pulling the blanket over them both. Even if G'raha had the occasional faux-complaint about their height difference, he was the perfect size to hold like this and they both knew it. Warm, the scent of G'raha mingling with the scent of home, S'ria had no trouble falling asleep.

---—---

S'ria's face was already wet with tears when he opened his eyes. It was still night, the faint aether glow around Mor Dhona the only source of light from his window. He didn't think he'd be able to fall back asleep any time soon, but it didn't feel bad. It felt… some sort of relief, to be honest, to be allowed that extra moment with her. The dream felt like a rare moment of kindness from the gods.

S'ria wasn't sure what he believed in, but a part of him would like to think that the conversation meant something, that his mother would've truly liked G'raha if she was still alive to meet him. It was nice to think about, if nothing else.

[bookandcover]

It has been far too long since I wrote one of these. I’ve gotten out of the habit. I’m also out of the habit of reading thoroughly in the way I long to, and best enjoy. It is thorough reading that lends itself to these reflective writing pieces, to tracking my thought process about a book. I have been in the habit of rushing through books for my book clubs during the busy school year. With the advent of summer break, I hope to return to that depth of reading and reflection. Let’s start with The Vegetarian. 

I read this because I loved (and was disturb, challenged, and changed by) Human Acts. Han Kang has a new book out that I hope to read this summer as well. This book has much of the same dream-like thinking, gritty realism, complex psychology, and weighty symbolism that made Human Acts so compelling. Like Human Acts, the choices around narrative point of view (who tells their story and whose story gets told) feel deliberate, strategic, and powerful. This book felt a bit less mature as a novel than Human Acts, which makes sense given it’s an earlier work by Han Kang. I felt that the framework of metaphor and meaning was a bit harder to piece together here. There were more different loose threads and more questions remaining for the reader at the end of the book. I left the novel wanting just a bit more clarity, of the type that I had gotten from Human Acts. 

That being stated, there was so much in this novel that was evocative and memorable, and which will stick with me—as imagery, as emotions, as concepts—over the years. 

We begin with Yeong-hye’s dream. It’s the dream that moves her to stop eating meat early in the novel. The nature of this dream is revealed only in fragments, as Yeong-hye’s narrative point of view is never included (she is never given a voice, in her own story). In fragments scattered among her husband’s narration, we see parts of dreams (some of which, I later realized, draw on real memories from her childhood). This left me unsure of what Yeong-hye’s dream really was: the dog dragged in circles after her father’s motorcycle until death (later, it’s clear this is a memory)? A strange moment of cannibalism (bodies in a barn, teeth sinking into flesh)? A face in pain that repeatedly confronts her? The weight of all the dead things she has eaten settling over her heart, their bodies in her body? The dream that changes Yeong-hye could be all of these things, one of them, or none. The brutality in all these images is clear. 

I deeply internalized this early explanation of Yeong-hye’s vegetarianism because it is—bizarrely, incredibly—exactly like my story. I became a vegetarian more than 13 years ago after a dream. I woke up the next day and I never ate meat again. Full stop. I have a different explanation I often give for my vegetarianism: that week, my town’s last small farm (one where my family had often volunteered our work efforts, and where we had befriended the generational farmer) went out of business. No longer able to survive as a small-scale, local operation in the face of climbing costs and competition from factory farms, the farmer went bankrupt. She needed to get rid of all her animals—about 200 sheep and 200 chickens, and 100 cattle—in 48 hours. My mom and I had helped with this, strategizing together, and my mom made phone calls to plead with people we knew to take some of these animals, so not every one would be sent to slaughter. This experience forms the backbone of my vegetarianism. Despite raising sheep and seeing other 4-H kids sending animals to slaughter, I understood that the real enemy was the factory farm operations in which animals were raised cruelly and unsustainably in order to drive down costs. I wanted to practice what I preached and one small way to do that was to not eat products I knew were coming out of the factory farming system. 

This is the rational explanation I give about my conversion to vegetarianism. Even from myself, at times, I think I have hidden away the dream. The dream is what really changed me because—in the dream—I felt everything. I understood the horror of the factory farm on an emotional, not a rational, level. My dream feels hard to explain or share because words don’t adequately capture what it felt like, still so vivid in my memory all these years later. When the topic of my vegetarianism arises, I spend a lot of time not looking at my dream directly. In my dream, I was in a warm, dark space. There was the breathing of hundreds of other animals all around me. I could feel their presences and their bodies pressing in around me. I’m not sure what form my own body took, but I perceived the dream from the eye-level of the other animals. Among them, I felt a kind of individual invisibility, a kind of blended “togetherness.” But then, I suddenly understood what was coming. I saw with crystalline horror the future just in front of us, as we were being funneled out of this dark enclosure and slaughtered. Sliced at our soft throats, second jaws gapping, dangling. I could smell the blood. I could feel the deep terror in my body, like a cramping pain inside me. The certainty of death washed over me, and the need to stand in that certainty, to just anticipate it. I woke up, shocked awake. 

The impossibility of adequately explaining how this dream felt to me, and how I woke up changed from it, makes the early fragmentation of The Vegetarian accessible to me. What is it to try to articulate the dream that redirected an essential thing? It’s better for us, the readers, to stay guessing a bit about what, exactly, is the dream. Anything less than this would feel cheap. 

Yet, this novel, it quickly becomes clear, is not really about vegetarianism. Unlike Yeong-hye, my conversion to vegetarianism went that far and no farther. Yes, I know the people in my life responded much better than Yeong-hye’s did (in fact, all my immediate family members subsequently became vegetarians), but Yeong-hye enacts a complete disengagement with the exploitative world humans inhabit and normalize on a daily basis. What is this book really about? It’s about control, and gender. It’s about obsession, and art, and self-awareness. It’s about power, and nature, and what makes a life worth living (or ending). 

The three narrators—Yeong-hye’s husband Mr. Cheong, Yeong-hye’s brother-in-law, and Yeong-hye’s sister In-hye—play out different responses, different levels of understanding, and different personal battles in the face of Yeong-hye’s increasing mental, emotional, and physical deterioration. While a key theme across the Han Kang books I’ve read is the problematic nature and impacts of the patriarchy (the violence, both physical and psychological, that men are permitted to enact on women), I felt a surprising amount of sympathy of a key male figure in this text: Yeong-hye’s brother-in-law. While Yeong-hye’s husband’s narration is repulsive in its dismissiveness of Yeong-hye’s inner life and personal experiences, and Yeong-hye’s father is revealed to be a key abuser in her childhood, Yeong-hye’s dynamic with her brother-in-law—while problematic—felt more mutually painful to me as a reader. I mention this because the brother-in-law’s narration feels like an area in the book of incredible nuance worthy of discussion. While it would be difficult to disagree about the problematic and outright morally wrong role of Yeong-hye’s husband and father, the role her brother-in-law plays is more complex. In-hye’s horror at discovering her husband and sister’s affair seems fully justified. She seems right to perceive her husband as taking advantage of her sister as her sister descends into madness. However, the brother-in-law seems to exhibit some striking similarities to Yeong-hye in a way that unites and binds them together. His obsession with the image of her Mongolian mark, and the flowers blooming on her, feels reminiscent of her obsession with the face from her dreams. An obsessive image is destroying him (his destruction includes that of his family, his role in his family, and his societal obligations). Distraught with obsession, both characters have something they want to get from the other, something they believe can be achieved by their union: relief. Viewed in this light, the brother-in-law seems as powerless in their affair as Yeong-hye does. Both are desperate, helpless, and mentally overwhelmed to the point of making choices they would not have made under normal circumstances. This feels like interesting commentary on human psychology, on the lengths we are willing to go to alleviate mental suffering, to distract or regain control of our own minds. 

During this section of the novel, I wondered whether this brand of “vegetarianism” (obsession with plants, becoming plant-like oneself) could spreading from Yeong-hye to her brother-in-law. I tried to remember (and later Googled) the kind of fungus that inhabits and controls the human brain (turns out, this is only in Science Fiction…) This infectious plant theory feels like a too-literal explanation for a more figurative arc of the novel: what does it mean to consume or be consumed? What are all the different ramifications of consumption, of eating? In the third part of the novel, there is a similar expansion of Yeong-hye’s mental state to include and impact the person closest to her. In-hye’s does not understand her sister’s condition immediately or easily. She struggles to relate to her sister when she, herself, puts “making it work” and “holding things together” above all things in her life. But she comes to understand as she visits her dying sister in the mental hospitality and witnesses the cruelty of stripping Yeong-hye of her agency, of trying to force her back into life by maintaining her body, when it’s her will to live that is being squashed. As In-hye watches doctors force-fed her sister who refuses to eat, she sees the shadows of their past in which she choose stability over freedom (she chose to return herself and her sister to their abusive father, rather than run). She finally truly sees her sister’s transformation, and longing to change states and forms, the way she is “armored by the power of her own renunciation” of meat and, in this armor—like thick skin, like bark—Yeong-hye becomes incredibly plant-like (and increasingly free from her own mind/subjected to the consumption of others). The proximity of nature, the closeness of tree and woman, returns throughout this novel. Yeong-hye insists she does not need to eat, as she—like a tree—feeds from the sunlight. Her choice to not eat meat eventually becomes a choice to not eat at all, or to not eat in the way we humans understand eating…which involves consumption and eradication, rather than transformation. 

There are several central images that, as I’ve mentioned, will remain with me. The death of the dog, both memory and dream, is one of these, as Han Kang is excellent at creating literal imagery with powerful metaphorical and philosophical resonance. This brutal scene immediately called to mind Achilles dragging Hector’s body around the walls of Troy, the public viciousness enacted by the victor, the visibility of brutality that is part of the process of control. It is not the same as violence conducted in secret. It is both more honest and more deeply performative. The second wave of metaphorical echo that flowed over me reading this scene was the Stations of the Cross, as Jesus carries the cross to his death and falls the first time, and falls the second time. This echo across the literary ages also highlights the brutality of humans (the acts of violence of which we are capable), but also the longing for redemption which is as fundamentally human as violence. Yeong-hye ate the dog meat. And, years later, her body seeks redemption, a kind of spiritual transformation, to purge that act of violence from the place in which it is held and remembered: the body. The physicality of Han Kang’s writing is as directly confrontational as I could imagine, and she pairs this physicality with deep moral complexity and nuance, so we are left seeking the meaning of these images that we—like Yeong-hye herself—cannot expunge from our minds. 

[napollya-inspiration]

atomic blonde au

I kind of want to start a series about writing this fic just because I can. I make no promises of finishing it. I just think that my process for this will be so different - as I mostly adjust the process to each fic that's pretty normal for me - but this has been baking for the past 6 years.

A big part of why I want to write this is to explore something I kind of touched on in Tangled Up, which I wrote in 2017. That fic needs some heavy editing from my perspective today, but I started to deal with the dynamic of Gaby being East German and getting mixed up with Napoleon as an American and Illya as a Russian and what that would mean for her. How do her sentiments differ from theirs as someone who got into the spy business to get out of the GDR?

“He’s a Russian.” She said like it explained things. “What do you mean?” “I am from East Germany.” She looked around for a moment and stopped. “Look, they say Russia is our big brother. But not in the way big brothers can be protective and super cool. More in the way big brothers can be oppressing and authoritative. Maybe even abusing.” She said in a hushed voice but with a stress that convinced Napoleon she meant every word. It made sense. Very few of the East Germans loved the Russians or what they had done to their country. The fear of the Stasi at all times and the propaganda education didn’t help. “Are you afraid?” He asked, honestly concerned. “No, no.” Gaby started walking again. Her tone lightened. “Illya is incredibly soft, although he may not look like it. Excerpt from Tangled Up

Again, I would improve a lot of things about this fic today, but this was me scratching the surface of a dynamic that I know from growing up in what used to be East Germany. Don't get me wrong, the wall had been down for ten years when I was born, but I felt ripple effects even as I was growing up. My mom was 18 when the wall fell. I had a history teacher who used to patrol the border. My parents hadn't ever eaten a kiwi until they were 20 and had no clue how you ate one when they got it from the store. My grandpa's brother escaped to the West and doesn't talk to my family anymore.

It's very much a reality of growing up German.

This is what I love about Atomic Blonde. Sure, the plot is awesome, but you can see the country being reunited as a backdrop. While all countries continue to hunt and kill each other, the Cold War "ends."

It's definitely something I want to bring into the fanfic. The surreality of the divided city. I already posted this snippet from the WIP, so I don't feel bad about it, but the way I start to introduce this dynamic is through Napoleon's musings as his plane descends on Berlin.

Out of all the places, Berlin is one of the dirtiest to spend your time as a spy. Nowhere else is the density of spies per capita this high.  And it shows.  Napoleon despises it. The desperation of the West German Citizens holding onto their city and being fed by the West like a helpless infant with spoons that are literal airplanes. And then there’s the desperation of the East Germans, fenced in by their own government and longing for the American dream like it was going to fix anything. And above all, every fucking government trying to profit from their collective desperation.  When a hundred and sixty yards-wide missile field divides a city, you know to be rather careful where you step.

Fun fact: you can see how Berlin used to be divided to this day if you look at it from above at night:

Let me know if you are interested in this kind of behind-the-scenes content!

[woahg-i-am-thoroughly-confused]

idk if this is what you want from but I am EXTREMELY BORED so now I’m gonna answer all these.

1. whats your favorite thing in your room?

poster(s)

2. how tall do you wish you were?

6’5

3. what color is your hair?

brown

4. whats a rare fear that you have?

escalators

5. are you single?

No! :D

6. has your heart ever been broken?

yeap

7. what was your favorite thing as a kid?

beyblades/anything I could pretend to preform surgery on(play dough, card board boxes, fruit, etc.)

8. favorite coping mechanism?

screaming to the void or munching on ice

9. whats your favorite love language?

PHYSICAL AFFECTION

10. how often do you get nervous?

ver

11. if you had three wishes, would you use them?

UH YES?

12. if you could be fluent in any language which one would it be?

Japanese, that way I wouldn’t need subtitles for anime,

13. where do you wish to live?

in the middle of the woods.

14. what’s something surprising about you?

I dont like warm weather? Ig. It’s only surprising if you know my birth name but I’m not sharing that.

15. when did you last shower?

Yesterday night

16. when did you first join tumblr?

idk and I don’t feel like checking

17. do you want any tattoos? if so, where, what, and why?

YES. Upper arms/back, and literally anything that looks neat, and because I draw on myself all the time having permanent doodles would be cool.

18. whats the most prominent dream youve had?

… being chased around candy land by dopey(the seven dwarves) while Bruce banner desperately tries to figure out how tostop him. OR going through a maze with the bubble guppy squad and the once in the middle getting eaten alive by a mummy,

19. whats your dream job?

character designer

20. whats your ideal date?

woods, we run around for hours, and then there forever.

21. what do you wish you could do better?

write

22. what country would you live in if you could?

prolly like, idk Japan? Maybe

23. whos the best person you know?

my bestie (they do not consent to having their name up here.)

24. have you ever walked into something you shouldnt have?

. Yes..

25. whats your favorite holiday?

halloween

26. when have you been most embarrassed?

idk I can’t really think of any really embarrassing moments.

27. whats your favorite halloween costume?

any cosplay really

28. what are you best at?

uh idrk

29. do you know how to tie your shoes?

yes

30. do you have siblings?

3

31. if you could know one thing about the future what do you wanna know?

when my besties die

32. whats a dealbreaker for you?

if someone’s mean to me.

33. whats your favorite current class?

art

34. how many people have you dated?

6

35. how often do you wash your hair?

every other day

36. do you daydream? what about?

not really

37. where do you go to be alone?

my room

38. which parent do you like more?

mom

39. whats the one standard you hold yourself to?

no be mean to people who are nice

40. whos voice do you enjoy?

my bf :]

41. if you could announce one thing to the world what would it be?

“You chose the right religion.”

42. whats one thing you wanna do but havent yet?

paint my walls purple

43. what do you wish you never did?

not sharing

44. do you believe in life after death?

yeas

45. do you prefer book over movie?

Book

46. whats your favorite season?

fall

47. whats your favorite time of day

rain time if it’s raining

48. do you have a beloved stuffed animal?

hehe yems

49. whens a time you wish you acted differently?

not sharing

50. what’s something you wish that you never bought?

ugly dress I hate

51. do you have your own room?

yeah

52. whats your favorite book?

mask of shadows

53. who’s someone you hate?

uhhh idk

54. whats your best hottake?

idk

55. whats your favorite game?

Danganronpa franchise

56. whens a time you felt real genuine fear?

almost died

57. are you a morning person?

hell nah

58. do you drink enough water?

yep

59. how different are you from the little kid you used to be?

HAHAHAHAHAHAA#

60. do you enjoy tumblr?

yes! Alot!

61. have you ever had a tumblr experience that made you wanna delete the app?

not yet

62. whats your least favorite game?

balls IDFK

63. were you a markiplier fan?

yeas

64. how do you respond to compliments?

:3

65. whats something that would make you fall in love?

if I like them

66. do you believe in marriage?

100%

67. do you have a crush on someone?

my bf :3

68. do you like tumblr?

yeas!

69. were you a voltron stan?

idk what that is

70. whats your favorite ship?

too many but right now it’s prolly soukoku and charpim

71. whats your favorite song?

I like a lot of them

72. do you like loud crowds?

HEL FUCKIGN NO

73. have you ever created conflict on purpose?

mwehehehe

74. how do you sleep?

I don’t

75. do you bite your lips?

yes

76. do you use chapstick?

yes

77. do you have any pets?

3 dogs

78. what color are your eyes?

hazel/green

79. what’s something you wish you could change about yourself?

Weight and height and voice and intelligence and morals

80. have you ever had surgery?

no

81. whats your least favorite animal?

mosquito

82. whats something that youre really bad at?

Everything

83. do you have an sqishmellows?

I wish

84. do you enjoy fast food?

sometimes

85. do you like soda?

mtdewww

86. what grade are you in?

uhh

87. do you wear any jewelry?

bracelets

88. what socials do you use?

tumblr, YouTube, instagram,

89. whats your lowest grade in school right now?

socials studies

90. whats the latest youve stayed up till?

all the night

91. did you ever have bangs?

Yes.

92. what trends did you hate?

bangs

93. whats your favorite item of clothing?

SKIRT

94. do you like dinosaurs?

YES YES YES YESYES TALK TO ME ABOUT DINOSAURS

95. whats your opinion on body hair?

Uhh go for it WTF is this questions

96. whats your least favorite time?

probably 3:25pm

97. do you make a wish at 11:11?

No

98. do you have your phone on military or regular?

military

99. have you ever been to church?

yes I go regularly

100. are you lgbtq?

NOO NEVER 😒😒😒😒😒

ask game

1. whats your favorite thing in your room?

2. how tall do you wish you were?

3. what color is your hair?

4. whats a rare fear that you have?

5. are you single?

6. has your heart ever been broken?

7. what was your favorite thing as a kid?

8. favorite coping mechanism?

9. whats your favorite love language?

10. how often do you get nervous?

11. if you had three wishes, would you use them?

12. if you could be fluent in any language which one would it be?

13. where do you wish to live?

14. what’s something surprising about you?

15. when did you last shower?

16. when did you first join tumblr?

17. do you want any tattoos? if so, where, what, and why?

18. whats the most prominent dream youve had?

19. whats your dream job?

20. whats your ideal date?

21. what do you wish you could do better?

22. what country would you live in if you could?

23. whos the best person you know?

24. have you ever walked into something you shouldnt have?

25. whats your favorite holiday?

26. when have you been most embarrassed?

27. whats your favorite halloween costume?

28. what are you best at?

29. do you know how to tie your shoes?

30. do you have siblings?

31. if you could know one thing about the future what do you wanna know?

32. whats a dealbreaker for you?

33. whats your favorite current class?

34. how many people have you dated?

35. how often do you wash your hair?

36. do you daydream? what about?

37. where do you go to be alone?

38. which parent do you like more?

39. whats the one standard you hold yourself to?

40. whos voice do you enjoy?

41. if you could announce one thing to the world what would it be?

42. whats one thing you wanna do but havent yet?

43. what do you wish you never did?

44. do you believe in life after death?

45. do you prefer book over movie?

46. whats your favorite season?

47. whats your favorite time of day

48. do you have a beloved stuffed animal?

49. whens a time you wish you acted differently?

50. what’s something you wish that you never bought?

51. do you have your own room?

52. whats your favorite book?

53. who’s someone you hate?

54. whats your best hottake?

55. whats your favorite game?

56. whens a time you felt real genuine fear?

57. are you a morning person?

58. do you drink enough water?

59. how different are you from the little kid you used to be?

60. do you enjoy tumblr?

61. have you ever had a tumblr experience that made you wanna delete the app?

62. whats your least favorite game?

63. were you a markiplier fan?

64. how do you respond to compliments?

65. whats something that would make you fall in love?

66. do you believe in marriage?

67. do you have a crush on someone?

68. do you like tumblr?

69. were you a voltron stan?

70. whats your favorite ship?

71. whats your favorite song?

72. do you like loud crowds?

73. have you ever created conflict on purpose?

74. how do you sleep?

75. do you bite your lips?

76. do you use chapstick?

77. do you have any pets?

78. what color are your eyes?

79. what’s something you wish you could change about yourself?

80. have you ever had surgery?

81. whats your least favorite animal?

82. whats something that youre really bad at?

83. do you have an sqishmellows?

84. do you enjoy fast food?

85. do you like soda?

86. what grade are you in?

87. do you wear any jewelry?

88. what socials do you use?

89. whats your lowest grade in school right now?

90. whats the latest youve stayed up till?

91. did you ever have bangs?

92. what trends did you hate?

93. whats your favorite item of clothing?

94. do you like dinosaurs?

95. whats your opinion on body hair?

96. whats your least favorite time?

97. do you make a wish at 11:11?

98. do you have your phone on military or regular?

99. have you ever been to church?

100. are you lgbtq?

[arttieinthecorner]

Rant about Getting (Re)Traumatized by a Horror

I got this art project, the concept that I understood from it is that it had to be beautiful and horrifying at the same time. At first I thought of the theme Eldritch Horror, and so I went with something like that. During this I had recently come across an analysis of the game Bloodborn and absolutely love the story of the queen and how she transformed into a beast that had his eyes covered with a vale. I then remember the scene from the series Annihilation (completely forgot the name of the series until I went to search about the scene) and thought that the bear beast and that woman transformation look somewhat similar, so I wanted to draw them together.

What at the time I didn't know was that I was left scared by that scene and that there was a good reason why I forgot most of the premise other than a general idea. I went to look up the scene and relived my nightmare.

The first time that I saw it was because dad had started to watch and he usually uses the living room to watch his series on Netflix since my mom was using their room to watch Doramas. I was working on some homework from college and normally don't pay too much attention to the Tv. Then I saw a different scene where screams were heard from the forest and my interest was picked, so I started watching and asking questions since I missed most of the story. My attention to spam didn't last long and left for a break to my parents room since blocking Korean voices was easier than English or Spanish. When I returned since I wanted something from the kitchen that was directly connected and in front of the Tv I arrived just as the character said "don't move". And then saw the bear. It was a grotesque sight, but it was not what terrified me the most. It was when it screamed, the sound of both the bear and the human disturbed me. And then came the lady with the gun who started to shoot the bear. I couldn't continue watching when I saw that the mutant grabbed her by the leg and dragged her through the stairs. I covered my eyes but could hear the screams and when she went silent I slightly uncovered, just to see the mutant bear reappear through the door and attack one of the tide up ladies. I left the room after that without anything to eat.

When the assignment was made I mostly thought of just re watching the analysis of bloodborn, but for some stupid reasons I decided to lookup the scene from the mutant bear to maybe incorporate to my drawing so I went to search the scene that only remembered a vague idea and not the inter scene. I am no kidding when I say; I had to stopped the video 12 different times. And even went for a break of 30 minutes to collect myself on two of those.

You may think that I saw the scene when young and that's why I put that I was traumatized. I was 19 when I saw the scene and to this day, especially recently by forcing me to watch that scene for inspiration, the image of the mutant bear haunts my dreams.

I completely forgot that scene where active characters were eaten alive and on screen were a big No for me. The feeling that I got when watching it I had felt it when I saw a live action apocalypse movie or something similar. I also sort of remember a scene of Resident Evil where the bad guy was left to be eaten by a hoard of zombies by the protagonist. I don't care how evil or twisted his actions were. Been left to be eaten while conscious about it will continue to be the worst possible death that could befall to anyone.

[frostironfudge]

I Think I Met You In My Dreams Once - Bucky Barnes - Seven

Summary: After receiving an honourable discharge from his military service that was caused by the loss of his arm, James Barnes begins to come to terms with several things. He also finds solace in youtube videos, memes and on social media, where he happens to find you.

Pairing: Ex-Military!Bucky Barnes x Fem! Plus Size!Reader (Modern AU)

Chapter Warnings: angst, swear words, smut, fluff, discussion of bucky's arm, family dinner drama, protective!bucky, dom!bucky (i gave over control to bucky basically during the smut soooooo)

Word Count: 6234 Dividers: @firefly-graphics

Fic Masterlist || Main Masterlist || AO3 || Fic Playlist

Chapter Six || Chapter Eight

Bucky sighs at the lingering exhaustion as he sits on the soft worn couch. Winnie Barnes sets down a small tray of her trademark brownies and the scent reminds Bucky of a childhood untainted. Full of warmth like the soft steam from the tray that is cooling in the kitchen.

He loved how scents were a powerful tool for memory. How they would bring forth nostalgia from the depths of his mind. 

Then his mother walks in, a soft scent of freesias from her perfume further takes him down memory lane. Swing sets, sandcastles, the soft dew drops from the grass he ran on pretending to be an airplane, hands abducted out wide. Rebecca laughing at his funny faces. His father nursing a drink, the scent of the harsher alcohol has him scrunch his face. 

He inhales deeply allowing the gooey chocolate scent to overtake his mind again.

“Been a while since you came down to meet your old mum. You should stay the entire weekend more often.” Her voice is light but he knows she misses him dearly. He did too. 

“Sorry Ma, work has been… hectic.” He says for lack of a better word than chaotic. 

“And how is Y/N doing?” Winnie pulls his cheeks when he blushes. 

“She’s great, we had our first argument/fight thing but we sorted it out three weeks ago. Been good since the past week.” He says with a smile. 

“I’m glad you both worked it out. Becca was supposed to join in, too. You know how her thesis things go.” Winnie shakes her head, then shrugs.

He grabs a brownie from the plate and relishes the taste. Winnie just smiles at her son. Happiness finding her heart at his happiness. 

“You’re happy with this long distance thing Bucky?” She asks after a moment of silence, “I know you’ve had experience with being away from family, this is different.” She glances at him with worry lacing her voice and eyes. 

Bucky’s blue eyes soften, taking in his mother’s demeanour. 

“I, it is hard. Somedays it is as if she stays the strong one for us and other days it is as if I stay strong for us, but most days? We’re equally strong.” He admits, placing the half eaten brownie on a tissue. 

Winnie nods, “How is the trial going?” She gives a small smile, Bucky winces, forgetting he never told her to avoid her worrisome questions and having her stressed over him. 

“Bucky.” She says using her mom voice, the very tone that had him admit he was the one who ate all the ten cookies left in the cookie jar when he was seven. 

“Well, um, about that…” He scratches the back of his neck and then his fingertips graze over where the mounting plate was on his left axilla. All he feels is the material of his t shirt the one you bought him from the merchandise of Buzzfeed Unsolved.  

“What is it?” Her brows furrow and he wants to kick himself, he takes a deep breath beginning to explain what occurred. When he is done Winnie is wiping stray tears from her eyes and his thumb wipes away the few that she can’t get too within time. 

“So that’s it?” She asks, a hope within her crumbling. 

“Ma, I’m still me, I don’t need the arm.” Bucky assures. 

“I know, I just, it would be helpful to you, you participated for a reason.” She straightens the crumpled tissue in her hand, tracing over the damp splotches of her tears with her finger. 

“I know, but I am leading my life without any issues.” He reminds her, she nods. 

“You know I worry.” She explains, a watery laugh has her son engulf her in a hug. 

“I hope you know I’m proud of you.”

“I’ll always try and make you proud. I love you.” He kisses her cheek as they pull away. 

“Are you planning to visit her?” She questions as the doorbell rings. 

Bucky rises from his place, smiling at the prospect, “I might have thought about it.” 

“James Barnes.” Winnie grins, “What are you planning?” 

“Well first off, Doll has sent you a bouquet ahead of our lunch/late dinner date with her.” He holds the beautiful vase of  roses in his hand and Winnie raises a brow.

“Check the note.” He urges with a smile, this was all your doing. 

Winnie touches the flowers and finds the note nestled into them, its typed out, she can’t stop smiling as she reads it. 

Dear Mrs. Barnes,

First of all I would like to say thank you for agreeing to meet me and i’m so excited to finally meet you, Bucky speaks so highly of you and it as honour to meet the woman who raised the man i love.

I know this isn’t the most ideal way to meet you and get to know you but i want to look at it in the positive that there are more events of us meeting in the future which is why today we’ll speak only through computer screens. 

i hope you like the flowers Bucky said you adore red and pink roses so i picked those, i hope i was able to make you smile, he says he loves seeing you smile it brightens his day and based on the pictures he showed me i can see why 

Thank you once again, i look forward to our lunch-dinner also please remind Bucky to vacuum pack and send me some of your brownies he keeps teasing me about not being able to taste them. 

Love, 

Y/N 

Winnie turned to look at her son, a beaming smile on her face. 

“I think I already adore her.” She admits and Bucky’s smile widens. 

“Told you, she’s just so purely loveable.”

“I can’t wait to meet her also, no more brownies and find out how can we send her som.”

His eyes widen, “Ma!” He says complaining. 

“You’re the one making her feel bad again and again, no more brownies.” She says sternly raising her index finger. 

Bucky🌻:

You cost me my brownie dosage. Mum revoked my access because of your note she loved the flowers by the way. 

Doll🌸:

Serves you right. Tease. Now i get to have them and you get to feel left out. I’m glad she did, I hope they brightened up her smile like you adore. 

Bucky smiles warmth encasing his heart. You were always so thoughtful. God he couldn’t wait to just pull you against his chest and keep you there forever. 

Bucky gazes at your picture lovingly, then his brows furrow when he reads your text. 

To say you were nervous was an understatement. Nat had been on texting standby and you had probably been the reason for her screen time to increase by tenfold. 

Your latest message to her way full of worry. 

You:

What if I say the wrong thing? What if Mrs. Barnes hates me? Oh god what if she thinks I’m not worthy of Bucky? 

I’m going to have a meltdown, Bucky says she liked the flowers, but i just oh god what if the note was a stupid idea. It was wasn’t it? Why the hell did you not stop me?????

Nat, fuck, i think i’m going to throw up. 

When your phone chimes you open Bucky’s text then freeze, you had texted him instead of Natasha. Fuck this device, fuck the fact that un-send does not exist on iMessage. Fuck. 

Bucky🌻: 

Doll, she already adores you so much, honestly i think after today she’s going to think i’m not worthy of you. 

And she loved the note, adored it, she’s googling food courier services as we speak for your brownies. 

I know you’re nervous, I was too, remember when your dad just stared me down for five minutes, I went into cardiac arrest. 

And you remember what you told me?

You smile recalling what you had texted him from under the table. You even screen-shotted the conversation. 

Doll🌸:

I texted you from under the table that imagine i’m holding your hand and rubbing soothing circles, that even if it’s intimidating its just two people who will come to love and adore you as I have. 

Bucky🌻: 

exactly so, i’m holding your hand Doll, and not letting go one bit during lunch/dinner, even if that means I can’t eat, lol, one arm problems.

Doll🌸:

James…

Bucky🌻: 

Oh so you can make jokes about your trauma but I can’t? Unfair, unfair i tell you. This will be sorted in the court of Her Honourable Judge Alpine. 

Doll🌸:

Bold of you to assume she won’t side with me, she loves me more.

Bucky🌻:

I’m her dad and she loves me most. 

Doll🌸: 

Right, right well, we’ll see about that Mr. Barnes. 

Bucky🌻: 

Getting formal are we?

Doll🌸: 

Maybe or I just like to see you riled up, Mr. Barnes. 

You giggle when the typing dots appear and the disappear, he’s trying to come up with a biting reply. 

You kick it up a notch sending a voice note that has Bucky feeling his pants are very constricting. 

“Mr. Barnes,” You’d dipped your voice by an octave, trying to sound sultry, “Have I caught your tongue? Or is it simply begging to taste something sweet?” 

Bucky🌻:

Doll, you will be the death of me.

Bucky had to eat his words because just as he set up the laptop on the dining table doing a test call, Alpine jumped on the table and booped the screen and meowed at your smug face. 

“I believe the Judge is in my favour.” You chuckle, cooing at Alpine. 

“You’ve just bribed her with toys.” He huffs while partially true, only three of her toys are from you but she loves them dearly. Bucky directs Alpine off of the table and she gives his hand a playful bite and you giggle.

“Good girl, Alpine, my best girl.” You praise her much to your boyfriend’s dismay at the two of you seemingly pairing up.

“You’re just a sore loser.” You roll your eyes at him then straighten up when Winnie appears in the frame, nerves shoot through your spine and you stand up. 

“H-hello Mrs. Barnes.” You give her a smile, laden with nerves. 

“Darling, you have to call me, Winnie. Hello to you too, I’m so glad we could do this also I apologise we couldn’t do this at a timing more suitable for you.” Winnie sits on the chair giving you the softest, kindest gaze you’d ever received. 

“Oh no, not at all, Bucky and I tend to switch around with our meals so it's not too bad, also it is just ten thirty. Not too late.” You reassure her and she seems to relax. 

“Now is my son treating you right? Or do I have to ban brownies permanently?” She gives him a curt glare and you laugh at Bucky’s look of utter panic. 

“Ma, why—,”

“Oh hush, Y/N continue.” She urges with a gesture of her palm. 

“He’s treating me in the best way, Mrs. Bar—Winnie, sorry, um, I, he’s so respectful and kind, understanding as well so loving. Honestly I can’t believe my stars I found my way to him. It is just surreal.” You admire Bucky and Winnie smiles. 

“No brownie ban then.” She pats his left shoulder. 

Your eyes nor demeanour change in the slightest and Winnie finds a weight on her heart lift, you saw her son as whole. Not incomplete. 

“Thank god for my manners.” Bucky says with a shake of his head, relieved. Then he laughs. You laugh as well.  

“Well Bucky here sings praises of you and I can see why, tell me then about you and your family?” Winnie smoothes her hands over her jeans. Bucky never spoke about what happened in detail over the dinner that took place with your family but she could see he was slightly worried about your father’s opinion. 

“What would you like to know?” You didn’t let your smile wavier, you knew the parent meeting at your house was less than ideal and given your dad caught Bucky watching you sleep. 

Technically he was working while you dozed off but your father seems to have not taken a liking to the man who held your heart better than what your dad had over the years of his parenting. 

Bucky sees the slight shift in your eyes, the rolling on your shoulders to not allow what haunted you to clamp down into your flesh and drag you into painful memories. 

You flicker your gaze to Bucky and his own blue eyes that harbour your world harbour the knowledge about your mind’s current thoughts. 

“How about where you grew up? Did you move around? We had too for quite some time till Bucky’s father passed away.” She says, giving you a second to refocus on the conversation. Bucky and you both notice the small twinge of nostalgia that grips her for a moment. 

“Oh um, no we never had to move, we’ve always been here at home though my great-great grandparents hailed from another state but since my grandfather the family has called this place nine hours and thirty minutes away from Bucky, home.” 

He takes his phone out to message you, Winnie gets distracted by the timer she had set for the dish she made for dinner. 

You smile at him as she excuses herself. Your eyes glazing over at his message. 

Bucky🌻:

i’m holding your hand under the table, giving it squeezes

Doll🌸: 

i’m squeezing your hand right back. 

You look up at him, he gives you one of his Doll smiles, named by Morgan. The ones only given for you, where his eyes crinkle at the sides and you feel it in your heart to erase everything that would ever cause that grin to fade. 

“I love you.” He mouths.

“I love you.” You mouth back. 

Bucky observes as the earlier tensions had left your body and now they had shifted into the drawing room while you chose to sit on the floor at the foot of your bed.

All three of your nursed desserts, tiramisu. Winnie had given Bucky the recipe so you could make it at home, your practice batch had turned out successful so this was your fifth attempt and it was really good.

Bucky was covering his face, cheeks tinged red. As Winnie told you the story of how he insisted on dressing up as a tellytubby for halloween when he was younger. She had to give him whipped cream mixed with food colouring to make the tubby custard because he hated actual custard.

What made things worse for Bucky was when she put on her reading glasses and managed to screen share a whole album of his images from childhood.

“How—you call me when the wifi router needs rebooting.” He seems taken aback but also proud.

“I asked Sam and Steve to teach me.” She grins smugly. 

“I’m going to kill them.” He mutters and you laugh.

“Honestly you make a cute tellytubby, the blue brought out your eyes.” You give him some praise but the next picture has you doubling over and Winnie joins in and Bucky just groans.

Greeting your screen is Bucky Barnes, aged ten, halfway out of the costume, just the blue pants on, his face, torso and arms all covered in the aforementioned tubby custard.

“The pink just wouldn’t fade.” Winnie says between laughs, you wipe a tear, baby Bucky looks absolutely taken by the sugar rush, a dazed but focused look on his features. You raise your phone to snap a picture but they all grow blur because you can’t stop laughing.

“Alright that is enough.” Bucky warns reaching over and stopping the screen share.

“Hey! I want to see my boyfriend as a baby.” You protest as the picture disappears and then pout at Bucky, who only rolls his eyes at your dramatic tendencies.

“I’ll email the folder to you.” Winnie assures with a wink then as she glances at the watch she straightens up, “Oh dear, I’m so sorry, darlings, I did say I would meet my friends from the book club at three. I’m so sorry I kept you up this long dear.” She looks apologetic and Bucky watches as you shake your head.

“Not at all, I had a lot of fun, it is an honour to get to know you.” You smile, she returns the smile.

“Bucky go fetch my purse and keys would you in my room, check the drawers and cupboard if things aren’t there.” Winnie urges him on and once he is out of ear shot, you gulp, this is it, this is the moment she tells you to leave her son alone.

“Y/N, I, you know, when Bucky told me about you, I was elated that finally he found someone. When he told me how many miles and oceans separated the two of you I had my concerns. I still do, over what has happened over dinner with your parents.” She gives you a knowing look.

“I wouldn’t ever hurt him. I love him.” You say, voice cracking slightly, you’re still sure her next words will be of disapproval.

“I know, I could see it in your eyes the minute I walked into the room.” She gives you a warm smile, “He’s never had anyone look at him like he handpicked the moon from the sky and gave it to them. Only we see him as a complete man. Today when I kept my hand on his shoulder, you didn’t flinch, make a face or have any negative emotion. You see him as whole don’t you?” She looks hopeful.

“Bucky, he, he completes me in a way that I don’t feel a hollowness in my being. I don’t know how anyone can think he is anything but more than complete, so full of love and live. Honestly? He did handpick the moon and give it to me. Everyday with him feels that way. Even on days that might be hard for either of us, he still handpicked the moon for me. He’s I believe he’s the love of my life. No one ” You confess wiping your face with the back of your hand.

“Oh, Y/N, if you were here I would give you a hug. I absolutely adore you, ever since you cause the light to return to his eyes.” Winnie wipes a tear herself.

“I could honestly use it. Mum and I are trying to make dad realise his opinion is wrong. I’m, I’m glad I can make him happy and feel loved.” You say, blinking at the tears. 

The whole ordeal had left a bitter taste in your mouth. You could only imagine how much more it affected Bucky. You had apologised profusely, he assured you each time that it was not job to apologise for the words of your father.

“Dear, convincing a parent is difficult, we had the same issue, it took my father a while but when the time came and George wanted to propose, my dad accepted him.” Winnie laughs at the memory then a dark look graces her features, it passes as quickly as it had arrived.

“I, I just want him to respect Bucky. He doesn’t deserve that, I told my dad off. I just wish I could undo that part of the night.” You admit and Winnie’s head turns to the staircase and Bucky sighs loudly, exasperated.

“How does your purse get lost in your own room, Ma?” He then chuckles and she shakes her head. You straighten up as well.

“Were you crying?” He asks her, you squeeze your eyes shut, his observation skills never failed him.

“No, just something went in my eye.” Winnie lies and you open your eyes just as Bucky graces the screen.

“Oh.” He looks at you and you shrug. He narrows his eyes. Deciding to table the discussion for later, he places you on the small cabinet in the doorway, as you both bid goodbye to his mom as she leaves for her plans.

You hold your breath, knowing he would ask or it would be something else. He walks upto his old room, placing you on the bed, next to his right side.

“Did Ma, say anything?” He looks at you sternly, you know he is watching every move, no longer Bucky but in his Sergeant roots. 

You let out the breath through your mouth slowly, contemplating.

“If you’re thinking of a lie, don’t.” He warns.

“I’m not, she’s worried about you.” You confess, you could give him bits and pieces.

“She didn’t say anything to you right?” His hard gaze waivers for a moment.

“No, she, she said she was happy when you told her about me, she said she adores me. She’s worried over what my father said… over dinner…” You let that statement hang in the air, a week after the Sharon fiasco was the dinner with your parents.

You mother had been nothing short of lovely, asking questions making sure he was comfortable. Shutting down her husband with a small tap on his arm in warning if he became insensitive. He could only be tapped so much. Your mom couldn’t face Bucky for days.

He sighs, running his hand through his hair. You gnaw at your bottom lip.

“I told you and her, I don’t care about what he said. The only opinion that matters is yours, Doll. he can hate me, call me bullshit things. He should not have insulted you. It would not have prompted my response.” Bucky’s voice beings to go towards anger, his blue eyes flash with suppressed range.

You stand, no longer wanting to sit on the floor, and sit back at your desk.

“Bucky—,”

“Y/N, no. I’ve been over this before. I told him he can fucking say all that he wants to me. When it comes to you I tolerate no fucking crap. He may have liberties as an emotionally abusive fuck but that ends. It is high time.” He glowers.

You bite your lip, this had been a back and forth point, ultimately a stalemate.

You were used to the shit your father said to you but you tolerated nothing against Bucky not even a whisper on an insult.

Bucky responded exactly the same, he could take all that your dad dumped on him and more, but he would be damned before he allowed anyone to insult you even if it was your dad.

You both needed each other. Anchors, saviour angels, lifelines whatever title was given isn’t enough to eloquently cover what the other meant. You needed to feel him, more than his words, more than his heated gaze. 

“Bucky,” You say again and he meets your eyes, his heart warming at the way the light reflects upon your irises. His anger slowly moves away. You move to your door, locking it then returning sauntering slowly towards him. 

His blue eyes, darken, breathing deeper he watches as your top comes off, followed by your jeans. You keep your eyes locked in on him as the straps of your bra slip down your shoulders and he stops you by raising his index finger.

“Show me.” He breathes, cock hardening as you turn and the now dimmed lights of your room illuminate your skin. Soft curves needing his touch, his lips, him. 

“Fucking gorgeous.” He praises and then you preen at the deep gravel, wanton timber of his voice.  

“Every curve, dip, line and mole. Fuck, Doll—,” He groans as you move your hands over your body, tracing over your bra, pinching at your hardened nipples, a whimper from your mouth goes straight to Bucky’s dick and he might just come untouched the way you gaze at him.

Your eyes darkened with lust, skin covered in a thin sheen of sweat, he wants to lap at the bead of sweat that makes its way over your sternum. Bucky gulps when you take off your panties. The colour difference makes him groan, his own darkening as his precum stains his clothing.

“Need to see you.” You look at him settling onto your bed, legs spread. Bucky stands, ridding himself of all the confines that keep you from admiring him.

“Fucking gorgeous.” You praise and he smirks.

“Oh little one,” His voice sinfully deep, and these new headphones made him sound as if he was right next to you, whispering in your ear, “What am I going to do with you?” He questions, eyes raking over you.

“Anything you want.” You whisper and He needs to close his eyes to get a grip on himself. He traces your features again with his heated gaze, admiring how you become needier with just the way he gazes at you. 

Bucky wants to get on his knees and worship you, because that is the only way he can thank his luck for allowing you into his life.

“Touch your nipples, through your bra, did you wear the pretty lace all for me?” He raises an eyebrow. You mewl as the touch sends shivers to your clit, arousal dripping over your folds and Bucky licks his lips, humming as if he can taste you.

“I asked you something, little one.” He reminds, you nod.

“Words.” he commands, 

“Yes,” you hiss, twisting your nipple harder, “James.” You plead for more.

You hear his low growl, primal, watching you get wetter for him.

“Show me how wet I’ve made you.” He gestures with a nod of his head, your hand moves over your abdomen, touching the curves and dips, Bucky drinks the sight of you in, he held pride as you touched yourself, not your clit or your cunt, but when you touched your body, squeezing the flesh. It drove him wild, needy, helpless and he starved to do the same with his hand. Fell you, love you, touch you, fall apart inside you as you held him in.

“So fucking beautiful.” He praises as you gather your arousal and show him your glistening fingers.

“Want to fuck you with my tongue. Will you let me taste my pussy? You are so fucking sweet aren’t you? I wouldn’t leave from between your thighs for days. Have them tremble, shake, beg to close. But I would just keep devouring my pretty pussy.” 

You throw your head back nodding, Bucky only smirks, “Go on, touch yourself the way you like little one, but I want to watch each stroke, each circle, and when you begin to fuck yourself onto your fingers.” He begins to circle his thumb on his cock, hissing at the contact he finally allowed himself. Your hips begin to rut against your fingers at his words. 

“Yes, little one, just like that, imagine it is my cock, buried deep you can feel me everywhere, claiming you, marking you as mine.” Bucky pants, his hand moving over himself.

“Want to feel your cock, Bucky, want you to feel your pussy clench around your cock.” You mewl out, your hips grounding against your fingers you needed more.

“Fuck, little one, grab that firmer pillow, fold it.” He instructs, your walls clench at the loss. Bucky wants to swallow all those pretty little sounds against his lips. He watches you straddle the folded pillow, the fabric rubbing your clit so deliciously. 

Bucky moves the laptop onto the desk, you can see him sitting on the chair, cock being fisted by his hand, his vein prominent and you grow wetter at the thought of how it would feel in your mouth.

“See this little one?” He gestures to his cock, your clit twitches, “All because of you. Know why I made you switch?” He rakes his eyes over you and you want to just combust. 

“You want me to ride you.” You realise, slowly moving your hips in sync with his slow strokes to his cock.

“My little one, you think correctly, go on grind on that pillow, take off that bra, fingers on your nipples. While you ride me, I’d play with those gorgeous tits.”

Your stomach tugs at the combined sensations with his words, picturing it, his hand on your hip, setting the pace, his mouth on your chest. Biting, sucking, marking you as his, you moan as your orgasm builds,

Bucky’s hand moves in pace with your hips grinding down, your lips part, he knows your close.

“Will you cum with me little one?” Bucky requests, a groan of your name falls from his lips,

“Bucky, please—, need—, I” You beg, beg for something needing him to coax you to your orgasm, needing him to be the one that shatters you.

“Need you,” you choke out as the orgasm starts to build and his words get filthier. 

“Fuck, Y/N, just a little more, need my cock in you? I’d fill you up, till you cum around me, dripping all over my cock and your thighs, you want that don’t you?” 

Bucky and you moan in sync as the coil snaps, your orgasms shatter through you, both continuing the movements brokenly, watching the other fall apart with hooded eyes. Soft pants and watching Bucky’s cum coat his hand and abdomen you lick your lips.

“Want to taste you Bucky.” You say and he groans.

“Fuck, little one, you’re already needy for more?” He chuckles, cleaning himself.

You lay back against your pillows, hair sticking to your scalp. 

You look down at his cock that twitches at his own words.

“Fuck my mouth, Mr. Barnes.” You challenge, he huffs a laugh.

“If you’re insatiable now…” He trails off, knowing he is growing hard again at the sight of you, fucked out, hair messed, eyes bright.

“If you aren’t leaving from between my thighs, it’s because my legs are holding you in.” You grab the very pillow used, your confidence in showing him what you wanted, touching yourself had grown.

Your legs wrap around the pillow and Bucky does a double take of the sight. Fuck he can’t wait to taste you. He fists his cock. You smirk at him.

“Insatiable, little one.” He teases, you bite your lip, anticipation thrumming at his next words.

“Get on your knees, pillow under you. Better not cum before I say so, little one.” He instructs, voice deep, bliss, needy for you. You whimper doing as he asked. Bucky stands, giving you a glorious view of him, fuck you wanted to taste him.

You open your mouth for him to see, oh you would be the end of him. 

Both of you ruining anyone else for the other.

That evening, Bucky falls asleep at the dinner table. When he tells you how you had him spent, pride swells in your chest and his own. The two of you had come so far in this aspect of your relationship, being able to expose more and more of your skin and exploring all that worked for the two of you. Nicknames, types of touches, scenarios. 

All of it, all consuming, burning bright.

The day after you were having breakfast and Bucky a late dinner. You had resorted to being in your room when your dad was out and about the house, Bucky was trying to explain to you to not give him that power but you couldn’t even look at him without feeling bile in your throat.

You’re mid bite with your chosen meal of cereal and Bucky is in between explaining how yet again Brock’s mounting plate is falling off when he pauses looking behind you. Your brows furrow, anger ebbing at the prospect of your dad yet again intruding. You turn mouth set into a hard line.

But you don’t meet the eyes that watched you grow up. You look into blue ones, but they are dull, lacklustre. Not the azure your heart contentedly drowns in daily. 

You frown.

Then blink, wait,—

“You forgot me already?” The person says, your brain clicks.

“Who even—,” Bucky is cut off as the man pulls you into a hug. His hand tightens around his spoon. 

This guy better fucking stop his hand from moving any lower on your back.

“Quentin,” You tighten your shoulders, moving away, looking at Bucky who might just discover teleportation just to punch the smug guy whose hands do not leave your arm even when you step away, again.

“Y/N, you haven’t changed at all.” Quentin Beck muses.

You feel a shadow cast over your door. Bucky looks right at your dad, jaw set. Your dad crossed his arms, raising an eyebrow in challenge.

“He better get his hands off of you.” Bucky growls and you shiver, moving away again and Quentin finally gets the hint, you move closer to the desk, trying to stay close to Bucky.

“The Becks are here to visit, I invited them to stay with us. Given how you and Quentin were joined at the hip, I think it would be nice to catch up.” Your dad gives a pleasant smile, but you don’t give any visible response.

Bucky’s nostrils flare, as Quentin ducks to wave at him.

“Who is this?” He questions an unabashed grin on his face, compared to Bucky’s scowl.

“My b—,”

“A charity case. You know her loves playing nurse.” Your dad says dismissively.

“Ah, yes, I was always patient.” Beck jokes and you feel venom pool your mouth, you swallow it down.

“He’s my boyfriend, James Barnes.” You say loud enough so Dad’s cheek twitches, a tell for his annoyance.

“Oh, hey man, I’m Quentin Beck, an old friend. Let’s catch up sometime over drinks?” He waves at Bucky.

You take off your headphones, Bucky breathes, once twice. Your dad watching and waiting for a reply.

“Im in New York City.” Your boyfriend looks to you, you’re on edge. Fuck he wanted to whisk you away from there. 

“Long distance?” Beck scoffs, “Hard shit man, how long before you both started LDR?” 

“We got together over long distance.” Bucky keeps his expression stoic. Understanding that this guy was someone who thrived getting under the skin of people.  

“Oh, well that is something.” Quentin looks to you, “Join in for breakfast?”

“She’s on a breakfast date with me, so you will have to excuse her.” Bucky buts in, close to seething. 

Quentin only smiles in response, something about it sets Bucky on edge as well. 

“Well then, I will catch you later, since I’m here for a while.” Quentin closes in on you again.

Bucky watches helplessly as you go rigid. 

“I’ve missed you little princess.” Quentin strokes your cheek, fanning Bucky’s anger then turns to leave behind your father. 

You close your door quietly. Refusing to look at Bucky because you’re at a loss of words. 

“I do not know what he did, but I am killing him.” Bucky’s jaw clenches and his knuckles are white with how hard his muscles are tensing. 

“Bucky, he, he was my first boyfriend. He broke everything in me before leaving.” Your voice cracks. 

Oh Bucky is livid now, “Your father knew?” 

You nod, he clicks his tongue. 

“Its on purpose.” He places forth his theory. 

“Buck, I hate Quentin. I’m not going to get back together with him even if he was the last person left on earth.” You look up at Bucky his gaze slowly growing warm again. 

“I don’t trust him.” Bucky states, neither man worthy of trust. Not one ounce of trust. 

“I don’t either.” You agree. 

“Come on, lets get back to breakfast/dinner. We’ll deal with that piece of shit later. One wrong move, Doll and I don’t care about anything, I will fuck that guy up.” Bucky’s words tug at you. 

“You won’t have to cause I won’t let him do anything.” You assure. 

“Even if not, that stunt he just pulled? Evading your personal space.” Bucky’s thumb bends the fork. Your eyes widen. 

“Bucky—,”

“Just, tell me something to distract me.” He requests, continuing to eat his spaghetti with the spoon he had gotten for dessert. 

You bite back an endearing grin, but he catches hints of it and his anger simmers into nothingness. 

“Found that cute did you?” He grins, shaking his head. 

“Absolutely. I find you very cute.” You praise and admire the red tinge on his cheeks. 

“I’m not cute, I’m—,”

“Hot? Sexy? Devilishly handsome? Sweet? My everything?” You offer, deepening the crimson over taking his skin. 

“Doll.” Is all he says but his smile tells you all you need to know, its the Doll Smile. 

“I love you, Bucky.” Your heart always warming at your words. 

“I love you, Y/N.” He says, causing your heart to somersault with his own. 

He reaches out, touching the screen with his thumb to stroke your cheek. You lean you head, as though you can feel him. 

Bucky finds his heart clench, he had to get to you beyond the confines of his laptop screen and city.

Dreaming about having you close was not enough. 

Dreaming about meeting you, laying beside you, having you play with his hair as his rested his head in your lap. 

It was never enough. 

A.N: hope everyone reading, enjoyed this chapter! let me know! also thank you for reading! this fic is honestly my comfort space and i really enjoy writing it so much so thank you for reading and interacting!! 💖

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[countrymusiclover]

21 - The Dark Clouds You

Part 22

Kenobi's Future

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Obi-Wan's POV

Twirling my lightsaber I killed someone running from the stormtroopers that we're looking to secure this planet in the name of the Empire. The boy falls at my feet and some others dropped to their knees seeing my golden eyes. Turning my back to the children who get taken by the troopers as I walked up the ramp. Sitting down in the Captain’s chair I run my fingers over my chin sensing someone entering my mind space. "Defying your life's training have you, Master Kenobi?"

"Master Yoda, where are you. How can I hear you now?" I asked looking around the room not physically seeing his prescence in the room which doesn't make sense.

"Where you left me I am. Darkness I sense in you. Something terribly wrong has happened to you, yes?" He questioned me through my mind.

Running a hand through my hair I could see families screaming and running from the stormtroopers. Vader had sent me to gain control of this small planet. Over the course of two days I have caused pain to a bunch of planets all in the name of the Sith Lord. When Y/n had told me that Sidius had lived I couldn't believe it. "Lord Sidius came after my family...he threatened to kill my children. I didn't have another choice, Master. I'm not even sure it's safe to be talking with you or my own wife. I'm...I'm lost Master Yoda.."

"Know of my location they do not. Believe I am dead they do." Yoda spoke as I felt tears starting to fall down my face. Twirling the ring on my left hand I hate to admit that I could feel the difference and how stronger the darkness made me feel. I hadn't created lightning yet but it was Vader's goal in the end most likely. "Speak with your wife I will, Obi-wan."

Closing my eyes the ship started up as the stormtroopers enters on the ship with some prisoners ready for take off back to the unfinished Death Star. At least that's what the Empiror called it. "Master, send a message to them please...I love them." I whispered before making the trip back to their star system. Walking down the ramp Sidius and Vader were waiting for me. But before I could say anything I felt a lightning bolt slash across my cheek underneath my left eye causing me to wince sharply.

"Tears are a sign you aren't one of us, Kenobi. Do I need to remind you the terms of our agreement. You devote your life to the Dark Side or I hurt your family. Maybe we should kidnap your youngest Padme. I think she would give a good fit of screaming wouldn't you say Lord Vader?" Sidius tapped his chin looking up to Vader who breathed heavily.

"Don't touch my daughters or my wife!" I shouted seeing that the Empiror is gasping for air reaching for his throat. Glancing down to my right hand I realized it was open and slightly raised so I was the one choking him. Shaking my hand he dropped gasping for air and simply started cackling as he walked away with Vader. Staring at my right hand I felt my heart beating out of my chest where I stumbled backwards into my quarters. Closing the door I slide down hugging my knees to my chest mumbling to myself. "Did I just...what am I becoming?"

Y/n's POV - hours later

Someone knocked on my bedroom door where I heard Kiera's voice speaking on the other side. "Mom, there's dinner on the table. It's been two days and you haven't eaten or left the room. Are you alright?" Concerm was in her voice when I called back in a shacky breath. "I'm fine honey...I'm not hungry go away."

Laying with the covers thrown over my head I grasp my lightsaber in my hands needing something to cling too. Tears stained onto my clothes where I rolled over staring at the door locked until a tiny figure appears in front of it. His little green form where he gives me a weak smile walking over to my bedside in a blue hologram form. "Master, what are you doing here?" I sniffed through tears running down my face.

"See Kenobi you have. Feel your sorrow I do my old padawan. Forced to the Dark Side he has been." Yoda slumped his shoulders appearing underneath the covers laying beside me with a sad expression on his face.

Wrapping my robe tightly around myself I shake still picturing the scar across my husband's face. His eyes held that tired and horrified look in them. It breaks my heart knowing that he is weakened by such actions. We both have our share of trauma thanks to Order 66 and then when we learned that Darth Vader in fact was alive. We didn't need anymore pain but now that's exactly what we got. "I saw him Master Yoda...the scar across his face. His eyes had been glossed over with tears. He was my Obi-wan but much more broken than when Anakin betrayed the Jedi. I'm lost...I don't know what to trust in anyone. What if we're broken, Yoda..."

"A difficult path your husband is in. Fall into the dark you must not. Trust in the Force. The Force that brought you two together. It shall guide you two back to each other." He explained staring me directly in the eyes seeing my confusion still. "After all led me to you it did indeed."

Moving to lay on my back I pulled the covers I stared at the ceiling and he does the same with a heavy sigh. Sometimes I am happy that my sister didn't live to see what horrific things came after her children's birth. That she'd never have to face Vader with a broken heart knowing it was her husband. That he would cause suffering for thousands upon thousands of people across the galaxy. Twirling the wedding ring on my finger I closed my eyes praying that this wouldn't be our reality forever. That someday I would get my Obi-wan back safe. "I love him Yoda...that's why I'm afraid to lose him.."

"Loves you and the girls he does. Sent me to deliver that message he did. Worry not my former padawan. Find his way home he shall." My master replied before I drifted to sleep and he disappeared back to his hut.

Comments really appreciated ❤️

[rrickgrrimes8]

hi! i was thinking if you could write an imagine of reader being rick and lori's daughter and sister to carl, rj and judith. i don't have a specific idea in mind, but just her before and after the time jump, struggling with being there when lori and carl died, and looking for rick with daryl, her relationship with her siblings and michonne, maybe maggie and hershel too (i was thinking since carl was 10 when it all started, she was 7 so now she's 17) thank you so much, and btw i loved your imagines i've read so far 💞

Being a Grimes ~ Rick Grimes x Grimes!reader

thank you so much for requesting i really enjoyed making this one. i also have a series kinda like this about Jacey Grimes which i’m currently making a book two for.

warnings: alluding to sexual assault or rape, suicide, death, gore (lemme know if i’ve missed anything off here)

sorry if there is any mistakes please tell if there is and give me feedback i’d love to here back from yall

masterlist

request guidelines

request are open

It was strange for y/n. This world would be strange for anyone really. But she was different. At only a mere 7 years old when the world went to shit she struggled as did many others. With the recent loss of her father - one she didn't entirely understand - still protruding through her heart, it was hard - so hard. 

When it happened she was at daycare. The teaching assistant tried and successfully ate the teacher in front of her. She was next and was so close to being eaten until Shane rushed in. He kicked Ms Twune and grabbed y/n. Her mom sobbed at the sight of her, covered in blood and the tears smothering her daughters face. Carl was shocked too. He wanted nothing more than to protect his little sister. His dad always used to tell him that that was his duty - his job. And he hated how he had failed in this moment. 

They made it to the quarry soon after. Y/n thought the group was nice - well mostly. The Dixon brothers scared her was what she told her brother or any of the children she had befriended. But she was lying. Yes, she was scared but only of Merle. He was creepy and mean to anyone he saw. Daryl was somewhat the same but he always found himself being nicer to the young child. And often kept her company when Lori and Shane went for a ‘walk’ in the woods. Glenn was another she found herself drawn to. He unlike Daryl happily invited her company. Glenn was sweet and funny. He never failed at making her laugh till she felt like she was going to pee. They were good friends which came to a fault when he had to go on runs. She’d scream and cry and refuse to let go of him because she was afraid that what happened to her father would happen to him. 

That’s what happened earlier that morning. Glenn and a few others were going into Atlanta, despite her dismay. Glenn assured her he’d be fine, which she didn't believe and continued her tantrum. 

“Can yer’ shut that damn baby up?” Merle spat covering his ears. 

Shane shot him a threatening glare while Glenn stayed preoccupied with the distraught girl. “Hey, it's okay. I’m coming back,” He insisted holding her tightly at his hip, “I promise you, sweet girl.” 

“No, b-b-but dada promise too a-a-and h-he,” She stopped herself, sobs erupting from her small body. 

“I know sweet girl, I know. But I’ll be back I know I will.” Glenn placed her on the back of the RV, “I tell you what I’ll bring you back some of your favourite sweeties, huh? Would you like that?” 

Giddily she nodded at his proposition, “Yes! Yes!” 

“Alright, then I’ll bring back some for you, okay?” She nodded smiling cheerfully, “I love you, kid.” 

“I luv you too, dumbass,” y/n giggled. 

Glenn looked around cautiously hoping no one heard that “Hey sweet girl you can't say that.” 

“W-what? Why?” the child began to cry again, “Y-y-you say it.” 

“I know b-but its adult words okay? Not y/n words. When you're older, alright?” She nodded her head again kissing his cheeks softly and hugging him. “Thank you, sweet girl. I’ll see you soon,” He kissed the top of her head and started towards the car smiling as she shouted, “With sweeties!”

The group returned hours later bearing a new man instead of Merle. Y/n waited patiently for Glenn and the aforementioned sweets. "Gen!" She screamed happily still unable to say his name fully. The man sprinted over to her, pulling her into a much-needed cuddle after the day he had. 

"It's Glenn, sweetheart," He chuckled while correcting. 

"Oh sorry Gen," She wrapped her dainty arms around his neck. 

"That's okay, sweet girl. I missed you." 

"I missed you too," She whispered before letting out a longwinded 'ew', "You stinky, Gen." 

The man smelt his shirt and nodded as the potent smell of walkers reached his nose. "I know yucky right?" 

"Yucky!" Y/n buried her face in Glenn's shirt ignoring the stench and just enjoying his company. She always became clingy like this after coming home from a run. He loved it. On runs, if he ever encountered a life-threatening situation - like the one today - he always finds himself realising how much she means to him. Glenn saw her as a little sister - one almost replacing the ones that were cruely ripped from him when this began. 

"How was it?" She inquired. 

"Not fun, sweet girl. But I got your sweeties and a nice man helped us out. Saved us," She beamed. 

"I like the good man. I'll give him two kisses when I see him. Maybe even one of my sweeties," Glenn chuckled. 

"Why two kisses, y/n?" 

"One for saving you. Two for bringing you hom," Glenn grinned contently and kissed her forehead. 

"Its home bubs with an e on the end." 

"Oh," She mumbled burying herself again. 

"Oh my God," Someone muttered as they exited the van. 

"Dad! Dad!" Carl screamed causing Glenn to snap his head in their direction. Carl came running towards the man, Rick, who had saved them in Atlanta. Y/n hadn't moved yet as she feared it was only a dream. That her dada wasn't really here. 

"Sweet girl," He pulled her out of his neck, "Look it's your dad." The child gazed over to where her brother had run to. Sure enough, it was her dad. He held Carl as he cried, looking to Y/n wanting to hold her too. 

"Dada!" She screamed jumping out of Glenn's arms dangerously. The girl scraped her knee on the way down but continued throwing herself into the hug. 

"Oh, Carl! Y/n!" She kissed all over his face childishly, "I luv you, dada." 

"I love you too, baby girl."

~

The years hadn't been kind to Y/n. She lost so much. Too much in fact that it had driven her to the depts of insanity and made her do things to herself, to others that she more than resented. The first loss was her mothers. She wasn't there like Carl was but the grief burned through her still. Y/n was too young to understand it really. Just how she was when Rick supposedly died. Y/n couldn't understand where her mom had gone she just knew she had a little sister now. One she swore to protect. 

She thought she had failed that when the prison fell. The young child was on her own. Injured and lost. She wandered through the woods for days until she stumbled across a group. The group were mean and despite her resistance wouldn't let her go. They hurt her in ways she didn't and wouldn't speak of it even now. But that all changed when Daryl showed up. He protected her - stopped them from hurting her. And eventually led her back to her family. Where for the first time she began to fear her father. 

Terminus was next. The people there snatched her from her family. She was forced to watch from afar as they were guided into the crate. Rick fought against them, Carl too but it was to no use. They had sectioned her off in a playroom. Every once in a while an older woman came in to fed and played with her. She hated it. Being in this world for more than a year now she knew that people like them didn't just want to play even if she did. She learnt that from the Claimers. 

Carol found her. Although having never have been all that close to the older woman - the only relation being the closeness between y/n and Sophia - seeing her after so long made her cry out of joy. Carol was happy too as she rushed out of that place to take her to safety. The pair ended up in the woods. Carol had stopped a moment ago to clean the dirt from her face, "lemme help." 

The girl sat up from where she was put down and cupped some water splashing it on Carol's face. Carol flinched as the water hit her, "Uh thank you." 

"Welcome," She looked away getting distracted by the nearing sound of footsteps. 

"Get behind me, y/n," Carol ordered to which she shook her head. 

"No it dada," She ran away from the woman and towards the group. 

"Y/n come back here!" Y/n continued ignoring Carols pleas and crashed herself into the back of Rick's legs. 

The father shot around and began to cry as he saw the child he thought he lost at his feet. "Oh, baby!" He collected the girl in his arms. Carl rushed to them too happy to see her alive after Gareth claimed he killed her. "Oh y/n, never leave me again, okay?" He looked directly into her matching blue eyes, "Promise me." 

"I promise, dada." 

Later Carol led them to Judith. Y/n was over the moon and refused to let her out of her sight, which was exactly what Rick was doing too. They found the church a while after. There they had some semblance of peace. She was glad to have Glenn back - Maggie too. Along with the new people although Eugene was a bit weird. 

At the church was also when the questions started. Daryl had told Rick about the group they were with and regretfully had to inform the father how she was there before him. Rick asked y/n - begged her - to tell her what happened. But she refused. She couldn't say what happened. What they did, which just made Rick fear more. Eventually, she spoke a little about it. She was vague and could barely string two words together without crying. He hated it. He hated how this was a reality for his daughter. He saw the bruises they left. And he couldn't understand how someone could touch his child. Or how he could be so powerless to stop it. 

Bob died. She didn't really know the man but it still upset her. Beth too. Although she was a lot closer to her. Beth was one of her only friends and was someone who would look after her when her father couldn't. They bonded and now she was gone. 

After Beth's demise, they spent lots of time on the road. They suffered, almost died countless times but they prevailed. They got stronger - she got stronger. And they eventually found Alexandria. There everything was good again like how it was at the prison or even before this hell. She liked it there and didn't understand why the others were so sceptical. 

Though that didn't last for long. Y/n began to hate the place when Carl got shot. Alexandria almost stole her brother from her. So she despised it. She refused to leave her brother's side as he adjusted to his injury. Yes, he found it annoying how she wouldn't leave him be and he often snapped at her. But she was there when he needed her. Despite the age difference and the many years of memories they had lost to this fight, she understood his pain. When he saw himself as ugly, a monster even, she made him think otherwise. She kept him afloat, which he was eternally thankful for. 

Glenn was next. 

She didn't believe it even after she was forced to see it with her own two eyes. She was next to Glenn in the lineup. She had to watch up close. Y/n had to be mocked by that man. She had to stay the whole night with her best friends brains on her face. After that night she blamed herself. She told herself that if Negan was just one person off she would be dead and he would live. He would get to see his child born and grow old with Maggie like they had spoken about. She wholeheartedly believed he deserved to live over her. 

The war with Negan shook her to the core. At the time his face filled her nightmares. He just looked so normal. He looked nice even. Yet he hurt and he hurt and he hurt. 

He killed her Glenn. And then Carl. It wasn't Negans fault although she did blame him. Carl had gotten bit. Y/n held his hand as he died in that tunnel as the home they had built above them fell. She got a letter too - even though she would rather have preferred to have her brother back. In the letter, Carl told her how proud he was of her - how thankful he was to have her as a sister. He told her to protect Judith, their dad and Michonne, who she had recently begun to call momma. 

After Carl's death, y/n shut herself from the world well everyone except her father. For days she would cry until she couldn't anymore. She would scream and scream until her voice was gone. She just didn't understand why it had to be Carl? Why mom? Why Glenn? Why Beth? Why was it never her? The following weeks she found herself wishing it would be her next. She could never bring herself to say it out loud but with any battle, any fight, anything, she wished it would be her. 

So when she lost her father her whole world fell apart. He was her consistent so why did he leave her? She was at the bridge that day. Daryl held her crying frame as Rick set off that final shot blowing him and the walkers off the bridge. Y/n Grimes' father was dead. 

She stayed in Alexandria for a while afterwards. For the sole reason to protect her siblings. Yes, siblings - plural. Somehow through all the bad some good came from it. She just wished her father and Carl could've seen it. RJ Grimes came into this world 9 months later. And he was perfect. For months she would assist in taking care of him as Michonne wasn't doing the greatest without the love of her life. Truth be told neither was y/n she was just better at hiding it. 

Until one night it all became too much. Y/n didn't know how it happened but she found herself balancing on the edge of her window. She wanted to jump - to end it. But she just couldn't will herself to do it. And when Daryl showed up she knew she couldn't. "Hey step away from ta window, alrigh'," The man ordered as he saw her shaking frame rocking back and forth. 

"I-i can't," She sobbed. 

"Ye' ya can. Jus' step back I'll catch ya," Daryl moved closer but paused when she shouted to stop. 

"I can't, Daryl. They're all gone. They're all dead," The tears clouded her eyes. She shut them tightly picturing her families faces wanting so badly to join them. 

"Please jus' step back, y/n. Yer' not alone. I'm here," He croaked the tears floating down his cheeks, "Don't jump." 

"I love you, Daryl." 

"I love ya too, okay? So step away from the window," He watched as she turned her head slightly catching his eyes. 

"I love you but I can't. Tell mom, RJ and Judy I love them as well." 

Suddenly she went to fall forward but Daryl reacted quicker. He gripped her waist pulling her into the room unwilling to release his grasp. "Yer' not leaving me," He told her as she cried into his shoulder, "Yer' cant leave me." Overhearing the chaos, Michonne entered her daughter's room to see the window wide open and the two of them crying. Daryl looked at her. The look telling her all she needed to know. Michonne began to cry herself and joined them on the ground. 

"Y/n?" A small voice called from the door frame. 

"Judith go back to bed, okay?" Michonne told her but Judith continued towards her sister. The girl said nothing as she wiped her sister's tears and held her hand.

It was 5 years later now. After her attempt, she left Alexandria with Daryl in search of her father. She didn't believe he was alive despite everything inside her wanting to. But Daryl did and after what happened they became a lot closer. He was happy she joined him. Even though the act of being out there was gruelling at times he was glad he could look after her. And if something would've happened to her while he was gone he could never have forgiven himself. Understandably Michonne was angry that y/n decided to leave. Y/n was her daughter and Michone her mother. They needed each other but she was willing to let Y/n leave to figure that out. It brought her peace looking for her father. 

The silence was her favourite and as Daryl wasn't much of a talker she got lots of it. They got a dog too, which Daryl cleverly named Dog. Everything was a messed up version of okay but it was still good. Being out there made her find her purpose. She went home a lot more than Daryl did, which pleased her siblings and mother. It was always for a few days never longer as she feared she'd stay forever and she couldn't. As much as Alexandria is good it also drives y/n to a dark place. One she was in that night. She lost so much there. And staring at those four walls drove her insane. It didn't help how Negan was imprisoned there. Just thinking how close he was made her skin crawl. She knew how Rick visited him when he was alive that he believed Carl was right about the killing. That it had to stop. Y/n knew he was right too but she could never bring herself to one admit or two face Negan. 

It felt like a story she read as a child when the Whisperers showed up. Like Negan, they scared her. So when she was told about his escape she only assumed the worst. The Whisperers took so many from them. Like Enid for example. Her story was cut short because of them. The two never really spoke but she understood how she and Carl felt for each other at a time. So ultimately it felt like she lost her final piece of Carl when she died. Y/n wished she had spoken to her when she could've. She wished she could've heard the untold stories they shared. She needed to know about Carl's final years with her. But now she's gone too along with those memories. 

The war with the Whisperers took everything from them. The Kingdom. Hilltop. Alexandria. Along with the lives they lost in the process. With the group separated she found herself protecting Judy and RJ. Michonne had gone. Where she had gone to, y/n had no idea. For a messed up reason, she began to prepare herself for her mother's death before it was even announced. That was until she got the call. She was okay and... apparently so was Rick. 

Disbelief was what hit her first. She couldn't hear his voice nor see his face so how could she know it was true. Michonne didn't know either she couldn't if he was really there, still alive. That night of the call she left. Without hesitation, she kissed RJ and Judith's heads, told them she loved them and told them to tell everyone else that and left. She left in the direction Michonne had told her. 

She left to find her father. And she knew she wouldn't return until she did. "I'm coming, dad."

[baekhansol]

N.D.A | f.l

ℕ𝕠𝕟 𝔻𝕚𝕤𝕔𝕝𝕠𝕤𝕦𝕣𝕖 𝔸𝕘𝕣𝕖𝕖𝕞𝕖𝕟𝕥 (ℕ.𝔻.𝔸.) noun

a contract by which one or more parties agree not to disclose confidential information that they have shared with each other as a necessary part of doing business together.

Happy Birthday, Felix Lee!

𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞 : fluff!

𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 : mature

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 : best friend Felix x gn + nonverbal reader

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 : 3.7k

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 : reader is nonverbal, JYP is an asshole, wanting to lie about having been eating well, food/eating, mentions of wearing masks, I think that's it ?

𝐩𝐥𝐨𝐭 : Felix has always been your best friend, and takes care of you when you can't

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞 : this was beta read by the lovely Dee Dee over at @sugasbabiie . Her notes and edits were wonderful as always 💜

this is also a friendly reminder that my blog contains nsfw elements, so do not follow me if you are a minor.

At one simple glance into your eyes, once allowing yourself a moment of vulnerability with your best friend, Felix knew what a terrible day you must have had. He immediately pulls you into a warm hug, pausing in case he meets resistance before squeezing you and holding you tightly.

"Have you eaten well?" He softly asks you, playing with your hair as he sways you back and forth.

You wanted to lie and say yes. You really did. But you couldn't get yourself to respond that way, so instead, you shake your head no.

"I'll make something then," he says simply, pulling back to look you in the eyes.

Felix finds tears welling up in your eyes, so he cups your cheek with one hand. "Have you taken your meds?" He checks.

When you nod, his expression gives away a brief flash of relief before turning back to genuine concern.

"Good. Why don't you go put your pajamas on and start getting ready for bed then, hmm?" He suggests, smiling sweetly.

You hesitate, considering saying no. You rack your brain, but the fog from your mental state makes the task difficult. You were fairly certain you'd never been braless around Felix before, but at the same time, you really didn't want to wear one.

"It's okay, y/n," he softly assures you.

Looking into his eyes, you remind yourself he has sisters. So you nod as a soft whimper accidentally escapes you.

You retreat to the bathroom, scrubbing your face harshly as you wash it. You try to get rid of the self-hatred and body insecurities that consumed your entire body, but particularly your face. Of course, it didn't help.

A whine of irritation escapes you before you apply the rest of your skincare. Afterwards, you slowly shuffle to your bedroom. You stare at what pajamas you have clean (which isn't much) and end up in a long sleeved shirt to hide your arms and pajama shorts. You made sure the pair wasn't too free flowing, as you didn't want to flash Felix by some weird accident since you didn't wear underwear to bed.

You slowly shuffle out to the kitchen, finding Felix at the stove throwing something together. Padding closer, you notice him making ramen. You ask him what he is doing with a soft “Hm?”

He gestures for you to come closer before speaking, “You had some ramen, so I’m making it with eggs. And now I’m adding in vegetables, see?”

When you nod, he smiles. “Do you want to grab a bowl for yourself? I already ate,” Felix assures you.

You nod and timidly get yourself a bowl and chopsticks, your hands unsteady. You manage to set down the bowl without dropping it, and Felix notices your lack of stability.

He moves from the stove, getting a plastic cup with a lid and straw, pouring you a cup of water before getting himself a glass. Felix sets it at the table before returning to the stove, getting your ramen together in your bowl. “Will you sit down, Y/N?” he asks gently.

You nod and sit, sipping your water and swinging your legs. Felix soon places the bowl in front of you, and you begin to eat slowly. He sits next to you after getting a napkin, watching you to ensure you don't eat too quickly.

Following “Dr. Lee’s” orders, you finish the entire bowl of ramen. Once done, he inquires, “Go brush your teeth, okay? Do you need to take your night meds?”

You pout but nod, getting up and taking the cup of water with you. You take your medicine before slowly brushing your teeth, trying not to let the sensation overwhelm you. When you finally finish, you pad back out to find Felix, who was currently cleaning the dishes.

You huff at him, upset that he was doing them for you. He wasn’t just doing the ones he cooked with, but even the ones you had left in the sink.

He says nothing but smiles when you hug him from behind and bury your face into his shirt. When he finishes and dries his hands, you drag him to the bathroom and get out a spare toothbrush, silently offering him to stay overnight.

“Go lay in bed; I’ll come and join you soon,” he says. When you nod, he takes the toothbrush and gets himself ready for bed.

You lay in bed playing games on your phone, curling up under your sheets. Felix soon comes back, grabbing a book off your bookshelf. He sets his phone on your bedside table, placing his there as well. Felix sits on your bed, leaning against the wall and spreading his legs.

“Come here,” he suggests, patting the spot between his legs.

You hesitate before sitting up, moving to sit in his lap, resting against his chest. He opens the book in front of you, making you giggle when you realize what it is.

“Didn’t your mom buy you this?” he asks, kissing your cheek before resting his chin on your shoulder. You nod as he opens the book. “I still can’t believe she knew it was a Star Wars storybook and didn’t think it was a children’s book,” he laughs.

A little giggle escapes you, and Felix beams. He begins to read, his gentle voice helping to lull you to sleep. When he finishes the book, he helps you lay down and tuck you in. He puts the book back and turns off the light, smiling at the soft whine escaping you.

You wiggle a little, subconsciously craving his hold. "Lixie?" You manage to murmur, not even realizing it was your first words since he came over. But he knew.

"I’m here," he assures you, climbing into bed with you and spooning you. Felix wraps his arm loosely around your waist, handing you one of your stuffies to cuddle. "This okay?" He checks with you.

You nod, relaxing into him and falling back asleep.

"I love you," Felix says lowly, and you can't quite tell if you were dreaming or not. You two had said that you love each other plenty of times before, but this time seemed different.

You wake up in the morning alone and immediately begin to panic.

"Felix?" You cry out, stumbling out of bed.

You're quick to find him in the kitchen and nearly cry out of relief.

"I didn't leave; I'm just making breakfast," he assures you, setting down the spatula and hugging you close.

When you pull away, he looks at you intently, a smile creeping onto his face. "Good morning, sweetheart," Felix says, causing you to blush.

"Morning," you manage, glancing down.

"Go take your medicine. And don't worry about being nonverbal or not, okay?" Felix says.

You tried not to go nonverbal around others, but you had mentioned your frustration to Felix before. People, especially your parents, always ended up forcing you into talking. It made you uncomfortable and took up extra energy, exhausting you quicker. Felix was rather understanding at the time, but you were always afraid to be around him while nonverbal due to the struggle of communicating. But at the moment, it was going surprisingly well. You figure it's his patience and caring nature.

You go and do as he says, briefly wondering why he was telling you what to do and why you found it so easy to listen. You shrug and come back out, sitting at the table as Felix places a plate of eggs and toast in front of you.

"Eat up, please," he says, joining you with a plate of his own.

You begin to eat, letting out a happy hum as you do.

Felix’s smile grows before he clears his throat. "I have to go into the studio today, but I'm not comfortable leaving you alone, even if I take all of your sharp objects," he admits, his expression turning serious.

You look intently at your plate, finding the yellow of the eggs to be a lovely color suddenly.

"Will you come to the studio with me? You can stay somewhere quiet and read for homework, if you'd like," Felix offers, watching closely for your reaction.

You'd never gone to the studio before. There had been times where Felix had said it would be okay, but you never had the chance. You wanted to, but you were worried about saesangs, getting Felix in trouble, starting a scandal… you had, and have, a lot of anxiety around it.

You hesitate before nodding slightly, causing Felix to grin in absolute delight.

"Okay! Great! And the second thing is… can I borrow clothes? I know you sometimes wear boxers to bed, and I just need a clean shirt and sweats…" Felix asks, and this time it was his turn to blush.

You laugh a little and nod, hoping your clothes would fit him.

"Great! Then after we get ready, I'll drive us there," he decides, smiling to make sure it was okay with you.

You nod in agreement, giving him a sense of relief.

You go use the bathroom, relieved that he didn't get up and leave without saying goodbye, or that the whole thing was a dream or strange hallucination. You take your medicine before going back to the kitchen, sitting at the table where Felix had already begun to eat.

You hum softly as you eat, letting him know to the best of your ability that you appreciate his actions.

Once you finish your plate, you bring them to the kitchen sink and wash them. You go to pick up the pan, but you can tell it’s too hot to wash. You leave it aside to cool down, drying your dishes as Felix washes his own.

After drying your hands as well, you head to your room with Felix to get ready for the day.

Felix helps you make your bed, but you manage to do most of it yourself so it was made the way you like it. You sit down and hug one of your pillows, watching as Felix goes through your clothes and picks something out to wear. He ends up picking out your clothes as well, getting you a soft shirt, your favorite pants, and a hoodie that he could have sworn belonged to him at one time.

He opens your underwear drawer before you can stop him, a noise of distraught escaping you. Felix ignores it just as he ignores your sex toys and lubricant, finding a pair of boxers for himself and a soft, simple pair of cotton panties for you along with a wireless bra.

Felix shuts the drawer and sets what he chose for you on the bed, the soft blush adorning his cheeks visible.

"I'll change in the bathroom, ok?" He states, gathering his borrowed clothes and shutting the door behind him.

In shock, you stare at the door for a moment before managing to get yourself dressed and tossing your dirty clothes in the hamper. You get up and head to the bathroom, greeted with an open door. Felix had already changed and was borrowing your hairbrush.

"Sorry," he apologizes, somewhat sheepishly.

You shake your head and dismiss it with a wave of your hand, silently letting him know you didn't mind.

"Turn around," he says.

You give him a confused look but turn around regardless, watching his reflection in the mirror. Felix runs the brush through your hair, careful about your ears. He sets the brush down and runs his fingers through your hair, braiding it. Felix then ties it off with a hair tie, beaming in pride at his creation.

You give him an appreciative smile before he asks, "are you ready?"

You shake your head, pulling out your makeup.

"You know you don't have to," he begins.

You shake your head more stubbornly, crossing your arms with a huff before you point to your concealer. Felix chuckles, and much to your surprise, he begins to do your makeup. You turn to lean against the sink, watching as he concentrates on doing your makeup. His soft breath fans over your cheeks, and you were secretly glad you gave him a toothbrush.

Felix doesn't take long, giving you only base makeup. He does your eye makeup very simply, looking through your lip products before choosing the one he wants for you. Felix applies the glossy tint, his concentration on your lips causing you to blush.

"There," he softly murmurs, stepping back for you to look in the mirror as he pockets the lip tint.

You beam at him, turning and hugging him. He gently rubs your back before leading you to the door.

"Ugh, socks!" He remembers, turning back and heading to your bedroom.

You laugh and go to the kitchen, somehow managing to start cleaning the dishes. Felix comes back and looks confused, only to realize what you were doing. He helps by drying the dishes, watching as you tie up the trash.

"Eggs," you say pointedly.

"Good idea," he hums, going and putting on his shoes.

You notice he grabbed your backpack and keys, so you put your own shoes on.

As you throw out the trash, Felix goes and starts your car. You soon join him, using the hand sanitizer you carry for situations like this.

Felix turns on soft music, driving to the company after ensuring you were both wearing your seatbelts.

Once he parks, he grabs masks from his bag for you both. Felix puts his on before going to the passenger side door and helping you with yours. He slings your backpack over his shoulder, locking your car before leading you inside. You don’t notice Felix’s fingers twitching, but you did wish you were holding hands. Even in your sensitive state, you knew holding hands here and to the JYP building was not a good idea, as the possibility of saesangs taking a photo and starting drama was too high for either of your likings.

Once inside, security tries to stop you. “It’s okay, they’re with me,” he assures the guard, taking your hand as he shows them his ID.

The security guard stares you down before nodding and taking both of your temperatures. The guard stands to the side, letting Felix take you to the elevator and towards their practice room. He doesn’t let go of your hand, rubbing his thumb over your knuckles.

Once off the elevator, another security member is about to stop you before they notice Felix holding your hand. “Excuse us,” he says, leading you around them. Their puzzled expression doesn’t go unnoticed by you, but you were glad they didn’t try to stop you.

He stops outside a room, pointing to it. “This is Channie hyung’s room, okay? If you need to go there for somewhere quieter, he won’t mind,” Felix explains, quickly pulling out his phone to check something. “Then we are practicing in this room today,” he says, leading you to a different door and opening it.

It was loud, as some of the others were stretching, talking, and dancing. Hyunjin smiles and waves as soon as he notices you, while most of the others shout their greetings. Changbin runs over and is about to hug you, but Felix stands in front of you, since Changbin was prone to hugging without asking.

“Do you want a hug?” Felix asks you, wanting you to be comfortable.

You hesitate before nodding, stepping around Felix and hugging Changbin. Changbin picks you up and spins you around, giggles escaping you.

“How are you? I can’t believe you came!” Changbin cheers as he sets you down, a grin on his face.

You step back into Felix, who gently holds your shoulders as you lose your balance. You look up at him, worry clouding your features.

“Y/N is… having some trouble talking right now. So, simple yes or no questions work best for them,” Felix explains, squeezing your shoulders reassuringly before letting you go.

“Oh, okay,” Changbin says, nodding despite not clearly understanding. “Sorry, Y/N, I didn’t know,” he adds, smiling.

You shrug a little, feeling your cheeks heat up.

“They don’t normally leave home when it happens. They generally are stressed and overwhelmed, so it helps them cope and is easier just to let them… communicate in other ways,” Felix further explains, moving to stand next to you and resting his hand on your back.

When you tense up, he withdraws his hand, but you stop him by grabbing his arm and shaking your head. Felix gently rubs soothing circles on your back as you accommodate yourself with the new space.

Chan comes over at the same time, smiling brightly. “It happens normally to neurodivergent people, right? Especially autistic ones?” Chan asks, looking at you for confirmation. You nod, and he continues. “Is it okay if I put my hand on your shoulder?” he asks. When you nod a second time, Chan places his hand on your shoulder and squeezes lightly. “I’m happy you came! If you need a break, you can go to my studio room, okay? Did Felix show you where it is?”

You nod, glancing at Felix.

“Okay, good! Today might not be the best day though,” he admits, looking to Felix.

“What do you mean by that?” Felix asks, rubbing your back.

Chan removes his hand from your shoulder and says in a hushed voice, “JYP is supposed to come to practice today.”

“I’m sure everything will be fine,” Felix responds with a tight lipped smile.

Once Felix makes sure you are comfortable sitting down, he produces earplugs from his pocket (you have no idea where or how he got them), and sets them in the palm of your hand. “In case it gets too loud,” he murmurs, smiling.

He straightens up as the choreographer enters the room, who they greet and thank. They soon start practicing, and you find yourself carefully stuffing the earplugs in your ears. You watch them in awe, looking at each of them practicing the new moves. Your eyes always come back to Felix, and you soon find yourself grinning like a fool. The song was amazing, and you wrote a note down in your phone to tell Chan, Changbin, and Jisung later on.

Right as they start a break, JYP himself comes into the room. You look up from your phone, the blood draining from your face as you try to meet Felix’s eyes. They immediately turn around and greet him, bowing and thanking him for his time.

“Show me what you have so far,” JYP says, heading towards you, standing in front of the mirror. That’s when he notices you. His eyes narrow and he walks over to you, and you immediately bow in greeting.

You feel the anxiety bubbling in your chest, threatening to overwhelm you as your breathing becomes irregular.

“You’re not an intern. Who are you?” he inquires, resting his hands on his hips.

You gape up at him, but thankfully Felix is quick to come to your aid.

“Sorry, JYP! This is my partner, Y/N. They can’t talk right now, since their doctor has their voice on rest-” Felix begins, only to be interrupted. Your eyes widen in shock as he introduces you as his partner, quickly trying to hide your surprise as he lies for you.

“So they’re sick? They shouldn’t be here then!” JYP demands, his face reddening in anger.

“No! They just aren’t supposed to talk because they had vocal chord surgery, that’s all!” he explains, doing his best to pull the lie.

Felix’s words seem to console and calm JYP, who huffs.

“Someone’s going to have to give them a non-disclosure agreement then,” he huffs, looking at the staff as if to tell them they needed to. “I will have a conversation with you later, Yongbok,” JYP sneers.

You knew Felix was in for it, but he gives you a charming smile before starting to practice.

You notice JYP’s glare every now and then, so when they take a break you make a beeline for the door, heading to Chan’s studio room and sending Felix a text with an explanation. You’re so caught up in remaining calm and composed that you almost bump into who turns out to be Mina from Twice.

Your eyes widen and you apologize, bowing and managing to say a soft, “I’m sorry.”

Once in Chan’s studio room, you move his chair and curl up under his desk. You put the hood of your hoodie over your head, doing some deep breathing. You take out the earplugs and put them in your pocket before turning on some soft, soothing music.

You close your eyes and don’t realize you had fallen asleep until Felix comes in the room, calling your name. Before he panics, he notices you under the desk. He bends down and offers you his hand, saying, “C’mon, you must be uncomfortable.”

You take it and he helps you stand up, your back popping as you do so.

“Are you hungry? It’s been a while since breakfast, and we all stopped and had lunch,” he explains, gently letting go of your hand.

You shove the hood off of your head, grabbing his forearms. “Did you mean what you said?” you ask, your eyes wide as your cheeks flush.

“What I said?” he asks, perplexed.

You stare at him for a moment before blurting, “You called me your partner…”

“Oh,” Felix says, his voice small. “About that…” he begins, subtly checking his pulse before rubbing the back of his neck. “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable…”

“Do you want me to be your partner?” you bluntly rephrase.

Felix’s cheeks turn pinker and pinker as he nods ever so slightly. “I’ve thought about asking you before, but never did. I wasn’t sure if you felt the same way, and you’re my best friend…” he murmurs.

“Well…” you shyly begin. “You’re patient, caring, and help me when I go nonverbal. You’re understanding of my space and sometimes I swear you know me better than myself. You’re… Well, pretty much everything I want in a boyfriend…”

“Really?” Felix asks, surprised at your admission.

“Yeah…” you murmur with a nod, glancing downwards as you loosen your grip on his arms. You look back up and bite your lip before shyly asking, “Will you kiss me?”

Felix blinks, but smiles before pulling down both of your masks and giving you a soft kiss on your lips. You whine softly, so he cups your cheek and kisses you again.

After he pulls away, he smiles and giggles, “So about that non disclosure agreement…”

[babymetaldoll]

The "Rumple Buttercup" situation (Matthew Gray Gubler/ Reader)

Requested?: Yes!

Hi, I don't know if this is where you take request but I was thinking about a 2nd part to "The devils food cake" chapter about when they think of names they argue about the middle name being rumple (Matthew wants rumple to be the middle name (y/n) doesn't)

Category: Flufflies fluff. Hardcore fluff.  

Summary: Matthew tries to convince his wife to name their first newborn "Rumple Buttercup."

Warnings: Zero. I don't think I even cursed on this one. But you have to know how to handle your fluff.

Word count: 2K

Masterlist

You can read the original one shot here 

A/N: Hello! How is everybody doing this week? Sending love to all my pretty people 💜 I got so excited with this request I made this gif for it ✨

                                         ✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

The house was oddly silent when (Y/N) walked in. She smelled the fresh baked cookies and... lavender? That was new. The place wasn't a mess when she left the house that morning, but it didn't look like that at all. Someone had been taking care of everything in her absence.

- "Matthew?"- (Y/N) walked in and took a look around. Everything was clean and in perfect order. It didn't loot at all like the house she had left that very same morning.

- "In the kitchen, Bunny!"- he announced with a cheerful voice and (Y/N) followed the delicious smell and the sweet voice of her husband.

- "Welcome back! How was your day with your mom?"

- "Hey! It was good. I had fun"- Matthew smiled at his wife as soon as he watched her walk into the kitchen and opened his arms to greet her with a warm hug.

- "I missed you, Bunny"- he whispered and kissed her lips sweetly, cupping her face with both hands, holding her cheeks, and caressing them with his lips.

- "I missed you too, honey."- (Y/N) murmured and sighed, enjoying the sensation of Matthew's hands on her.

- "And how's my little baby bean?"- he whispered, and his hands traveled from her face to her belly.

- "Baby Gub is kicking a lot today. I think he is having a rave in there."

The way Matthew's heart skipped a beat each time he heard the words "Baby Gub" killed him. He couldn't get over the fact he was going to be a father in four months. He couldn't believe it yet. It was his dream come true.

So, Matthew hummed in response and kissed his wife one more time before looking at her with a big adorable, and goofy smile.

- "I've got you a little surprise,"- he announced and held her hand

- "Really? I noticed you did some cleaning. Is that the surprise?"- (Y/N) asked as Gubler insisted she sat on a couch and helped her taking out her purple Converse.

- "That's part of the surprise,"- Matthew answered with a mysterious smile- "Now stay here and relax for a minute."

- "But no. Wait, stay here too, I missed you," (Y/N) argued, but Gubler just pecked her lips and walked back to the kitchen.

- "It will only be a second, Bunny! Meanwhile, tell me, what did you do with your mom today."

- "She took our baby bean shopping. Can you help me get a million bags from the car later?"

- "Sure!!"- Gubler yelled from the kitchen- "What did you get?"

- "Mom went nuts and got us so many baby clothes. I don't think our baby will have time to wear it all before it's too small for him."- Matthew chuckled at the idea of their baby wearing tiny socks that didn't fit on his little feet.

- "Then, she invited me for lunch and overfed me, but I can't complain, 'cos I was starving, and she took me to that little Italian place near to their house, and it's just so good! I think I ate my weight on garlic bread."

Matthew frowned and looked at the tray he was preparing. It had homemade cookies, a chocolate milkshake, one cupcake, and a heart-shaped peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

- "So... you are not hungry?"- he asked, hesitant to bring his wife the snack he had prepared for her.

- "Starving, actually. Your son is gonna make me gain a million pounds."- Matthew smiled and grabbed the tray, walking with confidence back to the family room.

- "That's what I wanted to hear, 'cos I made this for you."

(Y/N) widened her eyes in awed, smiled at her husband when he stood by her side and placed the tray on her legs.

- "I cooked all your favorites while you were gone"

- "Matthew Gray, you are the sweetest husband on Earth"- (Y/N) raised her hands and reached his face, forcing him to lean over and kiss her.

- "What do you want?"- she whispered and smiled

- "What do you mean?"

- "I'm your wife. I've known you for the last... nine years. I know you are going to ask me for something"- Gubler gasped, pretending to be shocked and insulted, but (Y/N) shook her head and took a large sip of her milkshake.

- "Really, (Y/N). I can't believe you think I'm nice to you only because I wanna ask you for something."

- "So you won't?"- (Y/N) raised an eyebrow and chewed a cookie- "These are delicious, honey. Thank you so much."

- "no, you already broke my heart"- Matthew sighed and sat at the other side of the couch.

- "Oh, come on!"

- "I was just trying to be nice with my wife."

- "You are adorable. If I weren't pregnant already, I would actually ask you to knock me up"- Gubler tried not to chuckle but failed.

- "Come on, Gub, give me a smile"- (Y/N) giggled and looked at Matthew- "You know you want to smile."

- "Stop it."

- "Come on, honey"- (Y/N) reached out for his hand and held it- "Just tell me what it was that you wanted to ask me"- Gubler bit his inner cheek and sighed.

- "I hate that you know me so well."

- "It's part of the job of being your wife"- (Y/N) smiled pleased and grabbed another cookie- "So?"- she chewed the cookie and gave one to Matthew.

- "Ok... here's the deal"- Matthew ran his hands through his hair and made a pause, trying to rearrange his thoughts. (Y/N) looked at him, waiting and eating all the cookies on the dish.

- "I'm waiting."

- "Ok, so... we are going to have a kid"- Matthew stated- "And that kid has to have a name"- suddenly (Y/N) knew exactly where that conversation was going.

- "Yes, he has."

- "And we haven't talked about the baby's name"

- "No"- (Y/N) shook her head and crossed her arms on her chest immediately.

- "But I haven't even told you what I wanted to ask."

- "The baby's name won't be Rumble Buttercup."

Matthew opened his mouth to argue, and (Y/N) looked right into his eyes with a deadpan stare.

- "But why not?"

- "Are you serious, Matthew? You already have a "kid" named Rumple."

- "Yes, but it's different, 'cos he is my "first child book," and our baby is our firstborn child."

- "No"- (Y/N) shook her head again and grabbed the sandwich. Yes, she had eaten most of the day, but she really felt hungry. Maybe it was anxiety or cravings, but whatever it was, she just felt hungry the whole time.

- "Come on (Y/N), be fair here."

- "Ok, I'll be fair. Explain your case."

Matthew stood up and cleared his throat, ready to convince his wife. He fixed his hair, though it was a useless attempt to look a little more serious. If anything, he just made her want to laugh more, 'cos he was being adorable.

- "Ever since I was a little kid, I always dreamed about the day I could call my first son "Rumple Buttercup." Rumple is an old family name in the Gubler family, and I am sure naming our baby as his ancestors will assure him a life of happiness and love."

Gubler smiled at his wife, and (Y/N) nodded, chewing the last bite of the sandwich.

- "Who was called Rumple in the Gubler's family?"- she asked, and Matthew almost jumped, looking at her excitedly.

- "Excellent question, Bunny. You'll see, my great-great-grandfather, Rumple Buttercup Gubler, first arrived in America in early 1800, all alone with no family. And he built the first casino of Las Vegas."

- "In the early 1800"- (Y/N) raised an eyebrow and tried not to laugh.

- "He was a visionary. Don't you want our baby to be a visionary too?"

- "I do, I definitely do. But... can we talk about my great-great-grandfather? His name was Yertle, and he also had a vision. And a mustache!"- (Y/N) said and made her best not to laugh, as Matthew raised an eyebrow and bit his lips, trying not to laugh as well.

- "Yertle?"- he asked, crossing his arms on his chest- "Your great-great grandfather's name was Yertle?

- "Yes"- she nodded and smiled- "Yertle the Turtle. It's also an old family name, and most of the man in my family had carried that name after him".

- "I've never heard of one an "uncle Yertle" when we hang out with your family."

- "I've never heard of an "uncle Rumple Buttercup" when we hang out with yours."

- "He has been mentioned many times. All the Rumples of my family has been amazing men."

- "Just like our good old Yertle."

- "But I called dibs on the baby's name!"- Matthew failed and laughed at his own words and sat by his wife, huffing. (Y/N) giggled and rested her head on his shoulder.

- "What if we find a great name together?"- she whispered. Matthew held her hand and played with her fingers between his for a second.

- "Or we can call him Rumple."

- "Rumple Yertle Gubler"- she whispered and shook her head- "I'm not sure."

- "Rumple Buttercup Yertle Gray Gubler"- he corrected and chuckled- "Fine, let's find another name."

- "Thank you, honey"- (Y/N) smiled and sighed- "Wanna split the cupcake?"

- "Yes, please."

Matthew looked at his wife, carefully splitting the cupcake he had made for her, and took half. He could have had a whole tray of cupcakes, but that was the only one that didn't burn. Matthew wasn't really the best baker in the world, but he had tried his best. He wanted to do something nice for his wife. She hadn't been feeling good in the last few weeks. The baby kept her up most of the nights, moving and kicking. She couldn't really rest, and everybody kept telling her it wasn't going to be any better once the baby was born.

- "So... wanna think of names now?"- (Y/N) asked him with a smile- "Wanna think of another man with an amazing vision and incredible mustache to name our baby?"

- "Actually"- Matthew whispered and smiled- "I had a plan B in case you weren't on board with Rumple."

- "Really?"- (Y/N) frowned, wondering what was Matthew going to come up with now- "Suprise me."

- "Vincent"- there was a long silence after Gubler said that name. (Y/N) gave it a little thinking, running all the nickname options in her head.

- "Vincent Gray Gubler"- Matthew added the rest of the name- "What do you think?"

- "LIttle Vincent Gray Gubler... Vince, Vinnie..."

- "Like Vincent Price. He is an amazing man with a vision and an incredible mustache."

(Y/N) kept nodding as she finished eating her cupcake. Her husband turned to her and waited for an answer.

- "I love the name"- she whispered and grinned at Matthew- "What do you think, Vincent Gray?"- she asked, looking at her tummy.

- "Knock once for yes and twice for no"- Matthew giggled and caressed (Y/N) belly. And as if he could hear them, the little baby kicked her once. The Gublers looked at each other with wide-opened eyes, surprised and shocked by the quick answer of their unborn son.

- "It's settled then, Vincent!"- Matthew replied to the belly and kissed it- "You just picked your name!"

(Y/N) looked at her husband and moved closer, holding his face with both hands, and pulling him closer to her.

- "I love you, Gub"- she whispered and kissed him

- "I love you too, Mrs. Gub."

- "Thank you for putting a baby on my belly,"- she murmured, and he chuckled, caressing her hair and looking into her eyes, which were getting a little tearful at the moment.

- "Sorry, hormones"- she excused herself and chuckled- "I'm just so excited we picked his name."

- "I'm excited too, Bunny,"- Matthew whispered and kissed her one more time- "Now, what do you say I get you some herbal tea?"

- "I'd ask you to marry me, but you already did,"- she answered with a huge smile. Matthew kissed her one more time and stood up. Vincent Gray Gubler. Sounded like a dream.  

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