#and the whole game of “I wonder what unethical experiments are happening in THIS vault!”

[mageless]

I love that I’ve seen Kyle MacLachlan in exactly TWO tv shows and both times he’s been an absolutely off the rails homicidal father of the main character. If I had a nickel.

[wizardlyghost]

alright i'm gonna do it. i'm gonna play fallout 4.

PRIOR KNOWLEDGE: i have started this game before, but i got about as far as finding a suit of power armour and getting my ass kicked by a giant lizard before getting bored. i have an extremely hazy knowledge of the fallout universe from posts on tumblr and getting to the "what in the goddamn" bit in new vegas, but i don't know a whole lot of specifics about this game, so please dont spoil if you want me to genuinely react when i get there. here's what i know off the top of my head:

- on the FINAL DAY the SOLE SURVIVOR (henceforth: me) goes into one of VAULT TECH's FUCKED UP SOCIAL EXPERIMENT BUNKERS with their (henceforth: my) SPOUSE and BABY, whose name i think is SEAN(?). the SPOUSE is whichever of the husband/wife duo you don't turn into your character, whether or not they actually have a name is kinda unclear in my memory.

- as soon as i enter the VAULT i immediately get CRYOGENICALLY FROZEN. last time i didn't know what was going on and just climbed straight into the pod like a chump. i wonder if they forcibly shove you in if you try to escape? food for experimentation. also your SPOUSE goes into their pod with BABY SEAN(?) because i guess explicitely child-sized unethical experimentation chambers is where VAULT-TECH draws the line? go figure.

- YEARS IN THE FUTURE (BUT NOT MANY) some ASSHOLES break into the VAULT, shoot my SPOUSE, and steal BABY SEAN(?). i am awake to watch this but they don't notice and reactivate the pods, i get frozen again.

- SOME MORE YEARS IN THE FUTURE (BUT NOT MANY(?)) i wake up once more due to the VAULT running out of power. the guards have all killed each other or something, all the other vaultcicles are dead in their pods. i fight my way outside past some FUCKED UP BUGS, pick up a PIP-BOY, and head home.

- when i get home my ROBOT BUTLER is still floating around because planned obsolescence has no power here. he gives me the skinny on the APOCALYPSE, i head off up the hill to look for BABY(?) SEAN(?) and find a DOG called DOG along the way. DOG is a GOOD BOY and if any harm comes to him i will burn this entire fucking wasteland to the ground. again.

- i get to a TOWN and kill a bunch of ASSHOLES in a MUSEUM OF AMERICANA. this GUY with a COOL HAT and a SICK ASS LASER RIFLE (i think his name is PRESTON(?)) asks me to go grab a SUIT OF POWER ARMOUR from the CRASHED PLANE ON THE ROOF. this isn't really my playstyle but i do so and BUST SOME HEADS with it. a GIANT LIZARD shows up and repeatedly kills me until i reboot the save and spend fewer MINIGUN BULLETS on the aforementioned BUSTING OF HEADS, saving them for this SCALY BAG OF DICKS. i finally defeat it and spend the rest of my ammo shooting its corpse out of spite.

- PRESTON(?) and i walk back home with his survivors and idk live happily ever after? adopt a bunch of wasteland weirdos, raise some two-headed cattle, learn from the mistakes of the fallen american empire as we rebuild a kinder society from the ashes of our mistakes? i stopped playing here so for now i'm going to assume that's what happens and the rest of the game is just irradiated stardew valley.

WHAT HAPPENS NOW: i'm gonna boot up the game and play for a bit, and try to liveblog about it. there probably won't be a whole lot of posts in the bits i've done before but we'll see. again, if you want me to genuinely react to something when i get to it, please don't spoil it beforehand, it'll be a lot more fun for the both of us.

yee. haw.