#and the traits arent necessarily bad! i dont think theyre bad at all! but its just weird that almost every jewish character falls into those

[mbat]

i was trying really hard to make a post about how i keep seeing jewish characters in shows that seem to never escape the stereotypes/patterns that ive noticed are basically always there, but man im really not the person to try and talk in depth about things, im not very good at it

that said, literally even what i would consider the better rep of jewish characters still seem to fall into the same stereotypes/patterns of every other jewish character and its like... why is that? even in shows that seem so aware of every other issue being faced by minorities, jews are the ones left behind?

and its not necessarily bad that they fall into these patterns, especially if theyre given more depth and allowed to be people outside of those things, but like... those things are still there. idk maybe im being weird about it

[comradeboyhalo]

Okay—you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to..! But I’m actually SO curious on your essay thoughts of q!Bad in 4halo fics. Because (I think) it’s kind of rare that q!Bad is depicted accurately in.. most qsmp ship fics. And I feel like q!Bad always becomes.. obsessed with romance with q!Forever in many 4halo fics?? Or super open + emotionally stable?? I don’t know how to explain it, but that’s why I’m curious of your thoughts (because I’ve read your fics and 100% trust your characterizations, especially of BBH cubitos <3)

hihi always down to ramble. and i agree, a lot of bad's flaws are smoothed over in 4halo fics, which makes him incredibly ooc. also, i dont think that these mischaracterizations are necessarily bad, i understand that in fluff fics (or angst fics, which im guilty of) sometimes theres no room in tone to fully capture all of q!bad's complexities. but that doesn't mean i cant have some gripes!

i dont think this is exclusive to 4halo, but 4halo is also bad's current biggest ship, so a lot of it just happens to fall on it. but i really hate how fanon!bad gets stripped down to a mere love interest who is just...very perfect in how he interacts with romance. he wants to go on cute dates, he confesses in a very sweet way. he is kind and nice and a little insecure, and is just so boring. its very much reminiscent of old skephalo fics, where bad is seen as "innocent" and then any other interesting trait of his gets stripped away. i also end up feeling im reading about a highschooler, when q!bad is 11k+ and cc!bad (obviously influential of his character) is in his late 20s.

again, i understand why people write 4halo on cute dates and first kisses. thats what fanfic is for! but i cant help but see the entirety of the ao3 page full of these very...allo-typical romance plots and think "...he would not fucking say that." q!bad is messy as fuck! if you don't interpret him as arospec, then hes at the very least repressed, and not in a cute YA romance way. a 1k fic of pining that ends in a nice love confession just doesnt convince me im sorry!

and then there's the blue diamond obstacle that gets in the way of 4halo monogamy....skeppy. again, i get why most 4halo shippers arent going to mention him, cause theyre just not into anything skephalo. i cant blame them for that. but im a master nitpicker, so ill still nitpick cause this is my blog. bad brushing over skeppy is ooc. bad acting as if skeppy is in the past is ooc. bad pursuing any form of relationship without including skeppy is ooc. bad choosing any other person but skeppy to be his #1 is ooc. and yeah it sucks for shipping if you dislike q!skephalo, but thats how it is and its not changing. and also any fics that push bad to "move on" from skeppy is just ??? not only is that his soulmate across lifetimes, but skeppy isnt dead? hes just not on the island? help??? bad has two hands, but one hand will always hold skeppy's and he's made that abundantly clear many times.

anyways im also not immune to q!bad butchering in 4halo fics! ill admit that, in writing the hanahaki au, i couldn't really find time to fit a lot of q!bad's humor into it, and he ended up more openly angsty and sad and vulnerable then he really is, or would ever be. so i totally get it, and im fine if other qbad viewers despise how he's written in it. however i will stand by the fact that q4halo would never pursue a traditional relationship together, and i chose the ending to be ambiguous because thats how i believe their relationship (and feelings) are: ambiguous. that's why, to me, 4halo is so good. i don't want to read about them confessing their feelings. i want to read about how their relationship is an undefined, confusing mess that will never be defined, and im just so surprised that there aren't more fics like that out there.

[coiled-dragon]

I have two RL ships, one is Shane and Ryan and the other is two classic rock band members from the 60s. I did used to feel guilty shipping Shane and Ryan. Anti RL shippers got in my head too much. I never felt guilty about the classic rock ship, one of them's dead, the other is 78, they're not going to read my fanfics.

YAAAAA honestlyyyy Shyan is also one of my very rare RPF ships. Theyre just a fun pair and honestly im hard in love with the whole Demon!Shane AU gahfhdgfgsdfsd..

I think RPF is fine, its just how people ACT About it sometimes. Like if you shove it in those peoples faces and then like threatened the spouses of the actors youre shipping or something (side eyes a SPECIFIC fandom...) then thats??? bad??? Duh?? Like talking about shipping ppl online or posting fics on ao3 or art on social media, thats all fine and dandy. Its always how you treat real people that means anything to me.

Honestly I dont have much RPF ships tbh.... Shyan and probably Polygrumps mostly LOL ♥ Ghost, the band, is interesting because they're a gimmick band, they're all playing Characters, so its not REALLY RPF... and I dont really have ships besides a desire to have two Ghouls all to myself sdffhdf

anyway!! Im glad you dont feel guilty about it, or at least not as guilty I hope. I def understand RPF as a hot topic, a lot of people tend to think 'well I wouldnt like it' and thats fair, but I really kind of view it as... its not even necessarily shipping two real people. Because fans will turn people Into a Character. Summarize them in a handful of personality traits and make them a little less three dimensional lmao so its always been like... In my mind, just. Fictional characters based on real people. And it doesnt have any bearing on the person as long as, again, you arent shoving it in their face, or harassing them + their loved one about it

[omohole]

What do you think gay men are attracted to in men that they can’t be attracted to in women?

It can’t be anything about femininity or masculinity obviously. That’s both sexist, and cultural so can’t be what drives men-only attraction.

It can’t be anything about stated identity because someone could lie just as easily as they could tell the truth in such a statement, and it makes no sense because homosexuality and heterosexuality exists in other species with no stated identities. It’s not like other animals without gender are all pan.

Saying idk it’s the vibes or some indescribable trait men have that women can’t but “I can’t explain” is a nonanswer.

Soooooooo what is it? Or do you think any sexuality but bi/pan is just cultural performance or an identity rather than an inborn orientation?

- [ ]

this feels like bait but damn you sure are making a lot of assumptions about incredibly large groups of people with any number of unique experiences here.

"it cant be anything about feminity or masculinity"/"it cant be anything about stated identity" yes it can. because different people are going to have different reasons and explanations for why they are attracted to who they are. some people ARE attracted based on how feminine/masculine someone is. some people ARE attracted based on stated identity. by saying that it cant be these things youre making a huge generalization. just because You Personally do or dont experience these factors doesnt mean that its the same for every other individual.

youre absolutely right that attraction based on masculinity/feminity is culture based! so are many many other factors of romantic and sexual attraction (cultural expectations, societal opinions, views on monogamy vs polygamy, cultures where arranged marriages are standard, etc.) that might influence someones attraction to a potential partner. so i dont know why youre acknowledging that there is a cultural difference in some cases and then writing off any possible case of attraction to gender presentation (conformity or non-conformity) as impossible. not to mention that it isnt necessarily sexist to have those preferences at all. i for one, am a butch lesbian who is (primarily) attracted to other butches. that isnt me saying that a partner needs to act and perform in one particular way or another on the basis of discrimination, thats just me saying what i find attractive personally. just like i can say i prefer orange juice over apple juice. i dont think its Wrong to like apple juice, and i dont think people who do prefer to drink it are wrong or bad, i just dont like it personally. there have been subgroups in the queer community for literal decades that came together over attraction to very specific gender presentations (butches, femmes, twinks, bears, etc.). not to mention, when it comes to meeting a potential partner (at least in person) visual appearance tends to be one of- if not the first- things you notice about them. of course thats going to have some sort of influence on how you view them.

sure, people absolutely can lie about their stated identity. theres plenty of cases where people will attest that someone lied about their gender to get into their pants (and that sucks when it happens!). but that doesnt mean that its always true that someone will lie nor does it make it common to do so. fun fact, but if your partner is attracted to something that you Know You Arent, it tends to be a pretty unfulfilling relationship and lies like that are difficult to keep up.

and for some people, it literally is just Based On Vibes! some people do not have the words to describe what they find attractive, some people just know that theyre attracted to men and not women, and absolutely No One is obligated to explain it to a stranger (and much less an anonymous one). im putting in the time to type this all out because some of the things you said bothered me, but you dropping this on a random stranger is fuckin weird yknow?

the way you worded this last part is weird. no, i dont think that. its the same as any other attraction to one gender. do you think that being straight is just an identity or cultural performance? and if youre trying to say that it isnt the same on account of biological compatibility when it comes to having children, what about straight couples where one partner is trans? or straight couples where one is infertile? youre coming at this from the angle that being gay is the only form of single-gender attraction.

and alllll of that put aside to say that i dont know why you sent me this. im literally just a random person on the internet, i am not an expert in attraction in any manner. i can only speak as far as my own experiences and observations.

not to mention

i am not a gay man

[paingoes]

hiiiii hihihi. thank you again as always for long comments aaaaa this makes me so excited. not gonna go down point for point necessarily but there are some things i wanna address ^_^

yeah delta is very soft in this one!!! softer than destroyer delta was in the beginning. ive said before that delta tends to mirror his environment a lot which is why hes a bit more irate and kinda judgemental around canon paris. his walls are still up for pretty much all of destroyer. this delta is in a relatively safe environment and the people hes around are being gentler w him which inspires him to be gentler in tone. the thing AU delta and paris have in common is theyre both more aware that theyre being abused so they have slightly better defenses against it. in canon their attitude is basically just “this sucks but i guess thats life”. having sabina around gives both of them more context for the fact that things arent normal…

regardless delta is still pretty terrified of paris and sabina — particularly paris! he understands that he is property of the crown but prior to the emperor’s death it was abundantly clear that delta belonged to constantine specifically. like in the flashback chapter, any attempts from paris or sabina to connect with delta ended with all parties involved being punished :( which means they had a very tenuous connection. delta knows that paris and sabina arent happy about him being there. and like you said that doesnt feel any different than if they were unhappy with his existence.

sabina is trying to repair some of that damage now since she couldnt while constantine was there. paris is less patient about it and doesnt really understand why delta is anxious around him. he thinks its just a general skittishness.

and yeah delta is knitting the cat hat cause he misses kitty!!! he doesnt even know her but he misses her across universes. i love you kitty.

martino was gonna have a larger rant w his typical victim blaming bullshit about how delta needs punishment and discipline just so hes safe to be around. he wouldve brought up the fact that delta has killed thousands of people, that sabina didnt see any of it so she doesnt know what shes talking about. “you dont know him like i do”. i cut the longer rant for time and because i dont think sabina would even let him talk that long.

at risk of being painfully obvious. paris specifically attacked martino because of PTSD about having seen constantine hit sabina. that’s why he snapped and that’s why he was all spaced out and unable to speak afterward. it actually scared him pretty bad!

“endearing” is a good word for this and i do think paris’s protectiveness is one of his most endearing traits. in canon he is a hypocrite about this: he has no problems hitting delta but will lose his shit whenever anyone else hurts him. but in this AU it is solely protectiveness ! yay ❤️‍🩹

paris freaking out at delta here is such a mess though. like i totally get why he did it but its very silly.

to get personal for a second a lot of this mourning period vibe is based on my own experiences and a lot of whats going on in my own life. and again to be painfully obvious. there are a lot of reasons to go through someone’s things after they die and it doesnt even mean that delta MISSED constantine. it literally could have just been his way of processing the loss. it could be because constantine had cool things and he wanted some of it for himself. constantine was awful yes. but he was a very important figure in deltas life and delta didnt get to say goodbye to him or to even go to the funeral. he deserved the opportunity to process things at his own pace.

but i think its also obvious paris isnt actually upset with delta here. again, delta is just a convenient target. he’s wrong to do this. dont take it out on the baby!

sabina calling delta “the baby” was like my favorite part of this. but i do think its funny she’s saying that to paris. paris and delta are the same age. i think the difference in how she treats the two of them is really interesting. she clearly expects more from paris and treats him more like an equal. they’ve both been prepping for succession for a while. she’s a lot more gentle with delta by comparison. delta is so much less abrasive than paris and will kind of allow himself to be babied and treated gently in ways that paris tends to resist. but sabina loves both of them! idk. this was so much fun to write i love them all…

anyway yeah none of them are perfect obviously because all three of them are deeply traumatized. but they are all trying very hard to make this work!!! i wanted gentleness for them

i will totally add you to taglist!!! didnt even realize you werent on it. my bad !!!

thanks again :,)

a softer destroyer AU…..2!!!

(part 1)

wait why is writing family drama so fun

SORRY THESE TRANSITIONS ARE KINDA CLUMSY….. bro trust

also i imagine older sabina’s voice being similar to glados :)

(Content: living weapon whumpee, royal whump, familial whump, parental death, dehumanization, beating, PTSD, implied child abuse, implied domestic abuse, brief reference to past noncon, elderly abuse?, verbal abuse, angst)

In the far corner of the room, the kid was curled up against the cushion. The needles he held moved softly, like he was afraid to make too much noise with them. Sabina watched him through the corner of her eye.

Delta seemed to leave every room that they entered in the beginning. Something in her sunk at the thought. Not that it was a foreign mindset to her. Loneliness was safety. Nobody could hurt her when there was no one around. She understood why he hid. But she had given him the sewing basket in hope that he wouldn’t.

Years ago, she had laughed dead in the Emperor’s face when he had first gifted it to her. She’d spent all of that week embroidering phalluses into his coronation robes. Delta, however, seemed grateful.

At eighteen, he was younger than even she had been when she was taken.

“Can I see it, honey?” 

It wasn’t an order, but he rose nigh immediately to fulfill it. He held the mass of yarn out to her, then pressed his hands back together, clasped politely. She noticed a soft blush appearing on his face.

It was a pink cat hat. He was knitting paw pads into them. 

“You’re learning so fast,” she praised, which made him shy again. She let his fidgeting go unacknowledged.

“Do this,” she instructed. “You’ve been at it for a while.”

Sabina stretched both of her wrists out. She rotated them within their sockets, then pressed against the individual joints and digits. It helped. She’d been doing a lot of physical therapy in the past years, most of which was just stretching. Delta followed her example obediently. From his expression, the process was novel to him. He seemed mildly entertained by the exercise.

She noticed, inevitably, the ring of bruises around his left wrist. This part she does not leave unacknowledged.

“Who did that to you?” She pointed at the injury, but did not touch it. 

For a second, he looked at her like she was stupid. But it fell away quickly. When he didn’t answer, she pushed again.

“Have they been hitting you?”

“…Yes, ma’am.”

It was a redundant answer. Marks like that didn’t appear on their own. But it meant he was okay with talking about it, which counted for a lot.

“How many times, since I told them not to touch you?” She could feel her own irritation spiking. “Both of them?”

“Not Simon,” Delta said hurriedly. “He hasn’t at all. He didn’t even hit me before.”

That last part was a lie. She had definitely seen the scientist swat him at least once, back when the Emperor was alive. She didn’t like the way that man talked to him. But the way Delta was staring at her begged to let it go.

“The other one, then? How many times?” she asked.

He winced.

“…I haven’t been keeping track,” he admitted. She could hear the note of irritation in his voice.

~

“Caned?” she asked. “Can you repeat that?”

Her only son twirled the butterfly knife in between his fingers. His other hand curled up by his mouth when he spoke.

“Ask him.” 

Martino stood in the center of the room, the other side of the desk. Both his hands were clasped behind him — and he was unmistakably annoyed at having been called in.

When she had gone to collect him, Sabina had found the doctor in the study — and his charge with him. Delta sat up on the table with his hair gathered up behind him. His shirt had been unbuttoned and pulled down at one shoulder, leaving half of his torso bare and exposed. To see the fabric hanging off him, to see him dead-eyed…

Her chest ached. 

Now, though, it was just the three of them. Sabina rested at the edge of the desk to face him. Paris swayed back and forth in the chair, with a weird and restless energy that resisted engagement in all directions. She did the talking.

“Do you remember the instructions I gave you?” she asked. “I thought they were quite explicit. I thought I told you not to touch him.”

“Your Majesty,” he said, all slick condescension, “I’m a doctor. How else would you have me treat him?”

“Don’t get cute. Don’t come in here and act like you need me to teach you how to be decent. You don’t touch people without permission.”

“Your Ma-

He wasn’t taking this seriously.

“You are in my house,” she yelled. “You will follow my orders. And you will keep your fucking hands to yourself! Do you understand me?!”

She stood up then, crossing the room to him. The fabric of the skirt rippled when she moved. He was taller than her, by a good amount. It didn’t matter. She was the one with the crown.

“If you hurt him again, I can have you sent to the gallows without trial. The fact you’ve even escaped it this long is a wonder in itself.”

“Your husband didn’t seem to think so.”

She slapped him. Immediately, she was overcome with a sense of disgust. Not at having done it. But at the fact she’d had to touch him.

Martino stumbled. It couldn’t have hurt that much, but he clearly wasn’t expecting it. He stumbled a bit, which she recognized as simple reflex. 

Paris didn’t.

The second Martino stepped to her, he was on him. He’d practically leaped over the table to intervene.

“Get back. Get back,” he urged, though he’d already slammed him into the wall, about as far back as he could reasonably go. His head smacked hard against the wooden surface. 

Paris had the worst of her temper. His grip on Martino’s blazer tightened. With a harsh, jerking motion, he tossed him to the floor. Though the doctor landed on his hands and knees, the ensuing kick to his ribs knocked him all the way to the ground.

“Don’t ever-“

Paris didn’t even bother to finish the sentence. He wasn’t able to. All he could focus on was driving the boot into that man’s chest as many times as he could. It wasn’t a fight, and it was barely even defense. It was just a beating. They both heard the rib crack. If he kept going, she knew he would’ve killed him.

Sabina wrapped one hand around her son’s forearm to restrain him. She did so without much enthusiasm, but some degree of obligation. Martino wouldn’t have struck her. He wasn’t suicidal. He didn’t deserve to die — at least not for that reason. 

More than anything, she didn’t want that for Paris.

He collapsed back against her. When he turned, she saw his eyes had gone glassy. She cupped his face to try and bring him away from it.

“Stop, stop, stop, stop. I’m fine. Look at me. I’m fine. Easy.”

“He was going to-“ Paris gasped. He sometimes got so angry he couldn’t breathe.

“I’m fine,” Sabina insisted. “Calm down.”

He stilled, but he did not calm. She’d gripped his wrist to restrain him — through the skin, she could still feel his pulse beating as if his heart might explode.

~

That was not the last of the re-shuffling. While they’d had succession plans drafted ever since he’d turned fifteen, that didn’t change just how brutal the transition always was. It was still abrupt, still contested. That day’s meeting was particularly bad. All of them had been recently. Paris did not greet anyone when he got back. He cursed to himself, making his way back up the stairs to the Emperor’s bedroom. They still hadn’t cleared out all the paperwork yet. He knew it could take hours of searching for him just to find the forms he was looking for, if they hadn’t been burned or lost already.

He jumped back in surprise to see Delta already inside of it. Draped in one of Constantine’s jackets, much too big on him. He’d been going through the jewelry box when the door had opened. He retreated his hand quickly as Paris entered, as if this did anything to conceal the act.

“What the fuck are you doing?” 

Delta froze. It did not help. 

Paris laughed incredulously and without humor.

“Oh my god, what the fuck are you doing?”

Delta didn’t answer, which only pissed him off more.

“It’s fucking rude to ignore people when they’re talking to you. What’s your problem? You miss him? Because he was so fucking nice to you?”

No answer. Delta looked back at him as if he’d just slapped him in the face. But Paris couldn’t stop it once he’d started. 

“Do you actually think he loved you? Do you think he ever loved anyone but himself? Put that shit down. He bought you and he fucking ruined you the same way he ruined everyone else that he pulled into his life. You think he was better just because he wasn’t holding a whip? That he didn’t know what they did to you, that he didn’t fucking pay for it?! Are you that fucking stupid?!”

That did it. Delta was already on the ground midway through the rant, kneeling, the way he did whenever people raised their voice around him. His eyes were down, bowing his head to keep his expression from view. But his knuckles were turning white from just. how tightly his fists were balled up.

“God fucking damn it,” Paris yelled, banging his side of his fist into the door in frustration. Delta flinched. At the same instant, Sabina appeared by the stairs.

“Paris,” she said his name in low warning tone.

“No, what the fuck is he doing? Why-“ Paris gestured, then cut himself off. He ran one hand through his hair, about ready to tear it out. He knew he was about to cry.

“I told him he could,” Sabina explained, slowly. Irate. “God knows you don’t want any of it. How dare you start yelling at him like that?”

She was mad at him. He hated it when she got mad at him; he couldn’t stand it. He slipped past her, jogging down the stairs before either of them could see the tears forming in his eyes. Sabrina stayed there on the top step. He didn’t see Delta, but he could guess he was still kneeling there, that he’d stay until she  gave him permission to get up. 

~

“You can’t snap like that again,” Sabina warned him from the other side of the kitchen.

Paris leaned back against the counter, arms crossed over. He rocked himself gently off the edge.

“Why? Constantine was a fucking dog. I thought we agreed to burn all his shit,” he grumbled.

“You couldn’t burn all that he owned if you had the rest of your life to do it.” She promised. But her eyes had lit up when she said the word burn. She shook her head. “Enough. Don’t take it out on the baby. It’s not his fault.”

“Is he stupid?” Paris asked again. “Doesn’t he know?”

Sabina sighed. She opened the fridge, pouring herself a glass of wine. She was overly focused on the mechanics of it. She rolled her shoulder to undo some of the tension that was forming there.

“Your father is dead, Paris. Isn’t that enough for you? It’s not enough that the both of us hated him, and that he died violent and alone? You also need everyone else to despise him just as much as you do?”

“I do.” Paris said plainly. “Don’t you?”

“No.” She shook her head. “Do you know what all my anger got me, in the end? Do you know what would have happened if I’d kept feeding it?”

He didn’t answer. His mother crossed the kitchen to him, tilting her head to one side. He had half a second to glare at her, but it fell flat on the attempt. Sabina was unfazed. She said:

“I would’ve killed you in the cradle.”

Paris shifted back, pulling his arms tighter around himself. He hated when she got like this — all intensity, like she could hold up all four decades of her life on the edge of her fingers. Time flattened into a blade when she wielded it.

“Mom…” he pleaded. He worried she would twist the knife. She could have. He was fragile then.

But she seemed to realize she was pushing too far. Gently, she cupped the side of his face. He leaned into the touch, not caring that her eyes were still sharp. 

“Don’t get cruel,” she said.

Paris withered beneath the gaze, nodding his agreement.

~

Paris looking all over the castle for him. As he stumbled from room to empty room, his dread grew as he realized where he would find him.

He turned the handle of the basement stairs, tracing slowly down to the lower level. To his surprise, Simon was right in the middle of leaving. The scientist shot him a dirty look as he passed, which Paris refused to even dignify. As if he was any better.

In the center of the large basement, the interior bedroom still stood upright. The lock was off of the enclosure now and they’d given Delta a bedroom in the upstairs. But half of his belongings were still in the cage that had been constructed for him.

Paris knocked at the door.

“Yes?” Delta called at the first knock.

“Can you come out?” 

He knew the door was likely unlocked, but he had never stepped into Delta’s room before. To do so now felt like too much of an intrusion.

Almost immediately after the request, the door opened. Delta hovered in the entrance way. He’d taken the jacket off. 

“I had permission,” Delta protested weakly. He knew there was nothing he could really do to defend himself, in the end. The resignation was obvious in his voice.

“You’re not in trouble.” Paris promised, raising his hands slightly in mock surrender.

He didn’t expect it to do anything. But almost imperceptibly, the muscles of Delta’s shoulders relaxed.

~

In the garden, well into the night, Paris wove flowers in between his hands. 

“Do you want it?” He held the crown up to Delta.

“Yes, please.”

Delta placed the daffodils gently onto his head, careful not to disrupt their arrangement.

“Can you teach me how to make those?” he asked.

“Mhm,” Paris agreed. After a few seconds of working himself up to it, he followed: “I’m sorry for yelling at you.”

Delta seemed caught off-guard by this, like he didn’t know what the term meant. Even though he said it at every provocation. It was quiet after that. That was fine. His mom said he had to apologize, never said he had to he forgiven.

“I know he didn’t love me,” Delta said. “I’m not…trying to contradict you. I know he didn’t love me. That’s not what it was.”

The both of them stared out onto the lake. The water reflected starlight off the surface. Even late into the night, the grass was still warm with the midday sun.

“But I do miss him,” Delta admitted. 

Paris nodded, afraid to do anything else. He couldn’t agree. But he understood. Delta continued.

“Thank you for letting me stay here. I know you don’t like it. I didn’t mean to make things difficult for you.”

“What?” Paris winced as he sat up. “It’s not difficult. What are you talking about?”

Delta recoiled a bit, like he’d overstepped. He kind of had. Paris rarely heard him speak so much at one time, let alone like this.

“I know you didn’t want me here.” He drew his legs closer in on himself. He was bracing himself now, definitely, still expecting to be hit. But he kept talking. “When I first arrived. You or y- Her Majesty. Thank you for letting me stay anyway.”

Oh. Paris felt the guilt well up inside him. He was right, obviously. They didn’t want him there. Of course they hadn’t been receptive to the Emperor bringing home a child in chains, to his building him a prison within their basement. 

He hadn’t realized Delta had picked up on the hostility. The thought never even occurred to him. He really hadn’t been thinking about Delta at all.

“You were a kid,” Paris said quickly. “That wasn’t- Nobody blamed you. You get that, right? We weren’t mad at you.”

Delta ran one claw around the daffodil petals, feeling their shape. He swallowed, “I was scared.”

Paris sat with that for a second, returning his gaze to the water where it was easier to look. He recalled the day’s incident, feeling much worse for it.

“You can take what you want from his room,” Paris amended. “Honestly, he’d probably want you to have it.” 

Try as he might, he couldn’t keep the bitter edge from his voice. Why was it only ever about what Constantine wanted? Why was there never room for anything else?

“I’m sorry, Paris.” Delta said quietly.

Paris blinked in surprise.

“It’s not your fault,” he replied automatically, trying again to reassure him. “I’m not mad at you.”

“I know.” Delta agreed. “But I’m sorry.”

“Oh.”

The grief was worst at night. He ran his hands through the grass, feeling his throat tighten.

“…Me too.”

~~~

tags:

@catnykit @snakebites-and-ink @scoundrelwithboba @whatwhump

@pumpkin-spice-whump @deluxewhump @fuckass1000 @fuckcapitalismasshole @defire

@micechomper @writereleaserepeat @aloafofbreadwithanxiety @floral-comet-whump @littlebookworm69

@lordcatwich @human-123-person @paperprinxe @whomeidontknowthem @chiswhumpcorner

@bacillusinfection @ichortwine @whump-queen @lumpywhump

@jumpywhumpywriter @whump-till-ya-jump

[pankomako]

real quick hot take since im being forced to think about it rn: the theories of evolution/the big bang and biblical creation can coexist.

for the record, i am an agnostic. i don't subscribe to any particular religious belief, but im willing to cite biblical sources to support my arguments if i must. i was raised christian and still live in a christian home, my dad being an elder of the church my family attends, so i do know quite a bit of biblical stuff. anyway, allow me to elaborate on my point:

sometime last year i read an article mentioning that the big bang could have been the product of the ever-famous "God said 'Let there be light'". like consider this: explosions are generally very bright. what do you imagine when you hear "the big bang"? i personally see a big explosion of light in a dark void. what if that was God speaking light into existence? of course everything after that is up to interpretation. my dad loves to use the argument that explosions create chaos and not order. but i think it's possible that after the Big Bang of Light, God started to create everything else as the classic 7-day process was written. all the galaxies and what-have-you may not necessarily be a direct result of the explosion.

as for evolution, sure, maybe God did create every living creature. but does that really mean that evolution hasnt also happened? i dont see why evolution couldn't be a thing that was influenced by God's hand. last school year i had to do quite a bit of research relating to this topic, and its honestly so funny how obnoxiously... egotistical? christian scientists are about evidence thats seemingly against evolution. theyre really like "oh??? this funny little fossil you found turned out to NOT be a part of an evolutionary chain?? oh too bad for you!!! look at how WRONG you were!! ha!! they were WRONG!! that means we are RIGHT about EVERYTHING!! look at how RIGHT we are!!! get stuffed sssECHKularr scientists!!! LOL" like no seriously look at a few answers in genesis articles and youll see what i mean, although my portrayal was very much exaggerated. anyway, one argument ive heard is that there are no fossils of intermediate species. but for one thing, just because they havent found any doesnt mean they arent there. for another thing, just because theres no evidence doesnt mean it didnt happen. i guess creationists have a sort of "pics or it didnt happen" attitude about evolution. but theres still existing evidence for evolution too, like how whales have these tiny useless leg bones. why are they there if theyre not doing anything? most likely a byproduct of evolution. ive heard my dad use a similar argument recently about our appendix. "if it doesn't do anything, why hasn't it evolved out of us?" more recently ive heard that the appendix actually DOES have a use. so. that's why. people say that God is perfect, and i imagine they also think everything God makes is perfect too. but evolution doesn't mean that previous species in the evolutionary chain weren't perfect, it's simply just certain genetic traits becoming more common in a species over time, until it becomes an entirely new species much different from the previous one. a lot of societal changes occurred between the first and last books of the bible, yeah? those events were guided by God. i don't see why that can't coexist with evolution. (also consider domesticated dogs. with the variation in breeds its hard to believe theyre the same species. also consider pet dogs vs wolves. pet dogs are their own species, yeah? they descended from wild dogs/wolves that people tamed, right? aint that just manmade evolution?)

im by no means an expert on any of these topics at all, but i figured i may as well write my thoughts down while they're still in my head. that said, i dont really like to post about this stuff, but it's like that one link picture - it's my blog and i get to post whatever essays i feel like lol

[la5t-res0rt]

this was written several weeks ago in response to asks i was receiving i am posting it now it is very long the longest i have ever made and it is not very well edited but here it is in this final essay i talk about how shitty rae is about black people in her writing as well as just me talking about how her writing sucks in general lets begin

hello everyone 

as you may know i have received a lot of anons in the last week or so about issues of racism in the beetlejuice community both just generally speaking and also within specific spaces 

i was very frustrated to not be getting the answers i wanted because i typically do not talk about what i do not see but in an effort to be better about discourse i went looking through discourse from before my time in the fandom and i also received some receipts and information from my followers and from some friends

keep in mind that the voices and thoughts of bipoc are not only incredibly important at all times but in this circumstance it is important that if a bipoc has something to add you listen and learn and be better

i admit that when this happened i wasnt aware of the extent of what occurred and im angry at myself for not doing more at that time and i want to work harder to make sure something like this doesnt go unnoticed again

im a hesitant to talk about months old discourse because i have been criticized for bringing up quote old new unquote but this is very important and i am willing to face whatever comes from to me

lets talk about this

content from our local racist idiot that may be months old but its important

putting my thoughts under a cut to spare the dash but before i begin obviously this is awful

lets fucking unpack this folks

right out the gate op states that she supports artistic freedom but then within a couple words she goes against that statement

being entirely canon compliant isnt artistic freedom and even so if this person has so much respect for canon they wouldnt be out here erasing lydias obvious disgust for beetlejuice in the movie or ignoring lydias age for the sake of shipping that shit isnt canon either 

also we love the quick jab at the musical there hilarious we love it dont we because god forbid a licensed and successful branch on a media have any standing in this conversation but whatever

now lets scroll down and talk about the term racebending

the term racebending was coined around 2009 in response to the avatar the last airbender movie a film in which the east asian races of the characters were erased by casting white actors in the three leading roles of aang sokka and katara 

whenever the term racebending is used in a negative light it is almost always a case of whitewashing like casting scarlett johansen in ghost in the shell or the casting of white actors of the prince of persia sands of time instead of iranian ones

this kind of racebending erases minorities from beeing seen in media and is wrong

all that being said however racebending has also been noted to have very positive after effects like the 1997 adaptation of cinderella or casting samuel jackson as nick fury in the marvel movies nick fury was originally a white guy can you even imagine

i read this piece from an academic that said quote writers can change the race and cultural specificity of central characters or pull a secondary character of color from the margins transforming them into the central protagonist unquote

racebending like the kind that rae is so heated about is the kind of creative freedom that leads to more representation of bipoc in media which will never be a bad thing ever no matter how pissy you get about it

designing a version of a character as a poc isnt serving to make them necessarily better it serves to give new perspective and perhaps the opportunity to connect even more deeply with a character it doesnt marginalize or erase white people it can uplift poc and if you think uplifting poc is wrong because it tears down white people or whatever youre a fucking moron and you need to get out of your podunk white folk town and see the real world

the numbers of times a bipoc particularly a bipoc that is also lgbt+ has been represented in media are dwarfed by what i as a white dude have seen myself represented in media is and that isnt okay that isnt equality and its something that should change not only in mainstream media but in fandom spaces as well

lets move down a bit further to the part about bullying straight people which is hilarious and lets also talk about the term fetishistic as well lets start with that

this person literally writes explicit pornography of a minor and an adult are we really going to let someone like that dictate what is and what isnt fetishistic

similarly to doing a positive racebend situation people may project lgbt+ headcanons on a character because its part of who they are and it helps them feel closer to the character and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that

depicting lgbt+ subject matter on existing characters isnt an inherently fetishistic action generally things only really become fetishistic when the media is being crafted and hyped by people who are outside of lgbt+ community for example how young teens used to flip a tit about yaoi or how chasers fetishize trans people

but drawing a character with top surgery scars or headcanoning them as trans is harmless and its just another way to interpret a character literally anone could be trans unless if their character bio says theyre cis and most of them dont go that deep so it really is open to interpretation and on the whole most creators encourage this sort of exploration because it is a good thing to get healthy representation out in the world

as for it being used to bully straights thats just funny i dont have anything else on that like if youre straight and you feel threatened and bullied because of someone headcanoning someone as anything that isnt cishet youre a fucking idiot and a weak baby idiot at that like the real world must fucking suck for you because lgbt+ people are everywhere and statistically a big chunk of your favorite characters arent cishet sorry be mad about it

lets roll down a bit further about the big meat of the issue which was when several artists were drawing interpretations of lydia as a black girl which i loved but clearly this person didnt love it because they have a very narrow and very racist and problematic view of what it means to be a black person

and before i move forward i must reiderate that i am a white person and you should listen to the thoughts of poc people like @fright-of-their-lives​ or @gender-chaotic it is not my place to explain what the black experience is like and it certainly isnt this persons either

implying that the story of a black person isnt worth telling unless if the character faces struggles like racism and prejudice is downright moronic 

why use the word kissable to describe a black persons lips now thats what i call fetishistic and its to another extreme if youre talking about a black version of lydia on top of that

the author of this post says herself that shes white so clearly shes the person whos an authority on the black experience and what it means to be a black person right am i reading that right or am i having a fucking conniption

how about allowing black characters to exist without having to struggle why cant a black version of lydia just be a goth teenager with a ghost problem who likes photography and is also black like she doesnt have to move to a hick town and get abused by racist folks she doesnt have to go through any more shit than she already goes through and if you honestly think thats the only way to tell a black persons story you need to get your brain cleaned

you know nothing about the complexities about being a black person and i dont either but you know wh odo black people who are doing black versions of canon characters they fucking know 

lets squiggle down just a bit further 

so the writer has issues with giving characters traits like a broad nose or larger lips if theyre a woman but if theyre a man suddenly its totally okay to go all ryan murphy ahs coven papa legba appropriation when approaching character design like are you fucking stupid do you hear yourself is that really how you see black men like what the fuck is wrong with you

none of the shit youre spewing takes bravery it takes ignorance and supreme levels of stupidity

do you really think you with your fic where a black lgbt+ woman is tortured and abused where you use the n word with a hard r to refer to her like that shits not okay its fucking depraved and yeah we know you love being shitty but like christ on a bike thats so much 

can we also talk about this

what the fuck is this fetishistic bull roar garbage calling this black character beyonce dressing her up in quote fuck me heels unquote are you are you seriously gonna write this and say its a shining example of how to write a black character youre basically saying ope here she is shes a sex icon haha im so progressive and i clealry understand the black experience hahahaha fuck you oh my god

on top of that theres a point where this character is only referred to as curly hair or the fact that the n word is used in the fic with the hard r like thats hands down not okay for you to use especially not in a manner like this jesus christ

oop heres a little more a sampling for you of the hell i am enduring in reading this drivel

oh boy lets put a leash on the angry black woman character lets put her in a leash and have the man imply hes a master like are you kidding me are you for real and what the fuck is with calling her shit like j lo and beyonce do you actually think thats clever at all are you just thinking of any poc that comes into your head for this 

also lydia fucking tells this girl that she shouldnt have lost her temper like she got fucking leashed im so tired why is this writing so problematic and also so bad

hold up before i lose my head lets look at some of her own comments on the matter of this character and what happens to her

hi hello youre just casually tossing the word lynch out there in the wide open world as if thats not a problem that is still real like are you fucking unhinged there have been multiple cases of this exact thing happening in our firepit of a country in the last five months alone like how can you still have shit like this up for people to read how can you be proud of work like this in this climate

and also what the fuck is that last bit 

what the actual fuck

i dont speak for black people as a white person but you do!? im sorry i had to get my punctuation out for that because wow thats fucking asinine just because one black person read your fic and didnt find the torture and abuse of your one black character abhorrant doesnt mean that the vast majority of people not only in the fandom but in the human population with decency are going to think its okay because its not 

i started this post hoping to be level headed and professional but jesus fucking christ this woman is something else white nationalism is alive and well folks and its name is rae

if you defend this woman you defend some truly abhorrant raecism

editors notes 

in order to get some perspective on these issues more fully some of the writing by the author was examined and on the whole it was pretty unreadable but i want to just call back to the very beginning of this essay where the person in question talked about holding canon in high regard but then in their writing they just go around giving people magic and shit and ignoring the end of the movie entirely like are you canon compliant or nah 

the writing doesnt even read like beetlejuice fanfic it reads as self indulgent fiction you could easily change the names and its just a bad fanfic from 2007

also can we talk about writing the lesbian character as an angry man hater like its 2020 dude and als olets touch on that girl on girl pandering while beetlejuice is just there like here we go fetishizing again wee

i cant find a way to work this into this already massive post but

im going to throw up

okay so thats a lot we have covered a lot today and im sure my ask box will regret it but this definitely should have been more picked apart when it happened

please feel free to add more to this i would love more perspectives than just my own.

[coralflower-ao3]

my dark sides theory / interpretation (and a prediction!)

(spoilers for my novel!)

the core of my theory: each light side has a corresponding dark side. these light/dark pairs are not necessarily opposites or enemies, though. they are actually very similar to each other. the point of the pairing is to say that the two can work together well. patton's is virgil and roman's is deceit. why?

anxiety often takes the form of making you take up as little space as possible. it can tell you that you dont deserve to have good things happen to you, and if its strong enough, it can cause morality to be maladaptive by convincing you that you should put yourself aside for the sake of other because you arent important enough.

on the flip side, virgil and pattons friendship is probably the strongest friendship portrayed in the entire show. patton made steps towards accepting virgil when the others werent willing to, and thats something i cant see him doing for deceit (patton has said multiple times that lying is bad and wrong)

which brings us to roman and deceit. weve already seen how deceit can manipulate roman. weve also seen them get along, with banter that both seemed to truly enjoy. i think that, working together, roman and deceit (creativity and self-preservation) could do some really cool stuff. romans struggles with thomas's dreams have been a recurring theme throughout the show, and i think hed be more open to practical advice from someone he relates to than from logan. deceit would give advice because they want thomas's dreams to happen, whereas logan gives advice because he believes he is right, and that rubs roman the wrong way.

i think the next dark side to be introduced will be someone who can work well with logan, but before i get to that, theres another element to my interpretation: type-based weaknesses.

well, not really, but it might help to think of it that way.

roman is weak to virgil. i think any writer knows what anxiety can do to your creativity. i also think that logan is weak to deceit; you cant make informed decisions without all the facts, and deceit was able to keep logan at bay for all of selfishness vs selflessness. virgil is weak to logan, because calm, logical thought is the first step towards breaking the cycle of anxiety, and logan is especially good at sorting through virgil's input to find the things that truly need to be worried about.

if youve been making a diagram the way i did when i first came up with this theory, youll notice that just leaves pattons weakness, whose weakness will be roman. so whats a trait that could harm the things patton represents, a trait that could be countered by roman?

i had a few ideas, but in my novel i went with apathy because he seemed interesting and he fit pretty well as a mirror to patton representing feelings. i considered sleep, but sleep seems more like a brain function to me (which inspired my other five OCs, read my novel i cant believe i actually wrote a novel)

anyway, apathy makes it impossible to act morally. if you dont care, you wont do the right thing. at the same time, apathy feels very similar to boredom, which roman is very good at countering. hes also just good at stirring up emotion-- theres a reason he was the most popular side for the first few years running.

so can apathy and logic work well together? the answer is yes. theres this legendary skill called compartmentalisation. i suck at it. it means you can decide what feelings to focus on (to care about) at any given moment, in order to deal with them effectively. with the ability to momentarily put aside feelings that cant be faced while thomas is trying to sleep, work, eat, hang out with friends, or anything, logan could make great strides in his mission to help thomas become more healthy.

or apathy could convince logan that he is always right, and that since the others didnt listen to him a few times, he shouldnt care about them. honestly, it seems like logan is being set up to have his resentment turned on the others, which scares me because i didnt predict it in my fic.

thats right, i came up with this whole theory in november of 2018 as i wrote my nanowrimo, before selfishness vs selflessness came out. im very shocked that so many things lined up. please read my fic. i literally have an oc who is the embodiment of gay pride. i have a character who speaks in rhymes because he thinks its fun and he wants to name himself a cuss word. remy can put the other sides to sleep by kissing them. deceit can only speak the truth when theyre in pain. at least ten thousand words are from the point of view of a blind character and i did so much research. please read it.

[cielospeaks]

i think one thing that makes a lot of my favorite characters my favorites is that theyre not just quirky “meme” morally upright completely “perfect” people. theyve got sides to them that isnt always the best thing to do, and often is kinda morally hecked up, but they have reasons, whether directly stated or implied, for this.

for instance (a big one) cu, he can be ruthless and kill without hesitation no matter who it is, and thats why i like him. he’s not just a “oh funny big pupper lol!” character, hes not just “muscles and a heart of gold uwu” he’s dangerous and unpredictable, like a storm. he has his own morals, but they’re not guaranteed to be ones considered “good” by the popular morality.

a lot of my faves i like bc they also have an aspect to them of doing bad things due to physically not knowing how to do anything otherwise (mozart, kyle, bel, nizou, ect). like three out of the listed ones are basically lab experiments who have no moral code save for what their “creator” taught them. mozart had no real dependable adults, and only his vague memories of his past life, and as expected, he can act like an immature child- getting upset when not constantly given attention, insensitive to others’ feelings- and this extends to all of the loids tbh, not just my boy (which is something a lot of the fandom doesnt get haha). with the other three its also more implied, esp kyle and nizou who arent really given backstories. but kyle and bel, like the loids, are artificially created humans- bel basically a being of anarchy and cunning, so given that he only knows how to be an ass. his personality is the manifestation of “if i light this on fire will it burn”, because its all hes known. kyle as well, i think he only knows how to be a manipulative bastard- his goal has always been to get information/get the feathers, and hes followed that through- why should he care abt anyone else along the way? nizou is the only one out of these four who is like. a regular human, not a lab experiment or anything like that, but i kinda have way big feels for him so. i think its clear in his dialogue that hes only really felt satisfied for a long time (maybe as long as he remembers) with the feeling of destruction and killing, and thats what he believes in the most- the ability to wield his sword and take lives. he’s not known anything besides that for a long time, and its become his reason to live.

i guess in regards to this i do like to put myself (or my insert in the case of kisumi) in a situation of kind of showing them a different path(s) and alternatives to this lifestyle. with mozart this is most clear, as he is a good person (and was) and occasionally really showcases his best qualities- empathy, optimism, ect. he values the lives of others immensely, even if he doesnt understand them all the time or even was on bad terms with them. for me this more than outweighs his brattiness- in fact that negative trait makes me like him more than if he was just pure and good and perfect all the time, it makes the moments like him saving schuu or understanding wa kuns feelings all the more meaningful and important.

the others, in the roles of “villains” dont really get their positive traits shown, but i still think they have them. its not necessarily all positive but theres things i really like abt kyle- his strategy and his self sacrificing nature. the first, i say isnt all good since its this strategy that is cruel to others for the sake of achieving his goals, but just kinda the will and spirit to follow through those goals is something to admire. and gosh dang is he cute when hes smirking smugly. the second, ofc i dont like fully (its why he dies dangit) but i also respect it, it goes with his “achieving goals at any costs” and i think its one trait i really like overall in characters, especially when i feel like it adds to them being more morally grey- others being gareth and hrid for example.

nizou i could go on about for days, but ill try to keep it short. i think its his dedication that i... enjoy? the most. like w kyle, its not an all positive trait- its this stubborn dedication that keeps him locked in this destructive (and self destructive) mindset that eventually leads to his defeat. but its also... like damn. this guy is such a master of the sword- hes an undoubtable expert, and all without the ability to see. and it seems like its something hes lived with his whole life. and like, for sword things, its a pretty dang important sense, so just the fact hes had to adjust so drastically and become so skilled at it? and like, it shows in his personality. even when hes shown suffering physically from the demon sword, he still has those perfect reflexes, he still goes out there to have a final showdown w gin chan- he keeps powering through. its something i try to do myself (on a different scale and way ofc) and something i can really admire.

beli is. hm. i think part of it is just the way the rest of the story’s cast try to convince the player he’s the “worst ever”, like haha. u sure bout that. he’s def an amusing character- humor is, in some ways, an aspect i really enjoy abt characters. i tend to gravitate more towards... like “bad” humor rather than the “witty flirty character that everyone loves~” type, and as far as that goes i would tend to prefer mozart’s childish crude toilet humor to belials constant innuendos. but they have their charm too. hes also very. attractive. in a kind of “pretty boy” way but also just a little bit dangerous? and just enough that to not be like the “conventional” pretty boy almost.

anyways this got long but tldr lov me some morally questionable boys (and girls)