#and the thing that’s inhibiting me tbh is my physical environment. how can i grow up when i’m stuck in my childhood home?

[michi-chelle]

it’s strange how my parents feel insulted by my wanting to move out as if it’s an affront to their parenting when i’m just like. i really just want a desk to draw on lmaoo.

[imagine-hetalia-countries]

matchup for @nightrainn2

This is under a readmore because of it’s extreme length. (Just under 2200 characters-) However, I do have to apologize for something: I was unable to come up with a second choice for your 2P Matchup. If I do think of one soon, I’ll be sure to edit this post and let you know, though!

Hi, I’d like a male matchup (I’m female and straight), please&ty. I’m apparently an INFP (from online tests), but my school test said I was an ISFP (so I guess I’m a mix), HSP (highly senstitive person), an Aquarius and an ambivert, but I lean more towards introverted side and tend to keep to myself more/gets time where I get withdrawn. I have depression (my depression can either be mild, or get to the point where I don’t even want to leave the bed) as well as OCD, anxiety,  I can be a perfectionist, and I’m used to pretending to be happy all the time/wearing a mask of happiness all the time, and also has a human chameleon personality (which means that I have a constant, unconscious change in the person’s ‘self/personaliy, which is kind of a way  to fit in with my environment, or the people around me). I honestly worry that once I let go of that human chameleon personality and my true personality comes out, that people won’t like the real me and reject me for who I am. But, when I’m alone or with family, I’m sarcastic, loyal, caring,try to have open mind and have short attention span. Gets bored easy, I act like I’m indifferent to things (and I am indifferent to some things), but I’m really a sensitive and a softie type person and I don’t like seeing those I care about hurt. Stubborn, can have a temper (but I notice it occurs more when I’m depressed).

Can be lazy, quirky, witty, get tongue tied easy, trust issues & a wall built up so it’s hard to let others in (but I want to, it’s just hard to do), curious, daydreamer.  I have an open mind about most things,compassionate, being around people too much drains me emotionally so a lot of times I’ll be on my own. But, I like days where I can just relax, and sit back while doing nothing or spending time with the people I care about. I’m also easily embarrassed, curious, and tend to overthink/worry too much. I also try my best to comfort others/be a good listener(whether good or bad news), good at keeping secrets and be there for them, or at least offer a shoulder to lean on since I tend to worry about saying the wrong thing. I can be silly and make others laugh, having fun is something I like.

I tend to keep my opinions to myself because when I was younger I used to get yelled at or told off by others (not my family, but outside my family) when I told my opinions, and so even now that I’m older I feel like I have keep my opinions to myself (it’s become a bad habit of mine) unless I know that I can trust the other people to care about what I have to say about things. If I feel like I can’t say my opinions without getting ridiculed, then I usually just keep quiet and nod when they talk to me/keep my true feelings to myself. Also, I tend to keep my emotions in check, I don’t really show what I’m feeling because I worry that I’d be a burden or people would get annoyed with me, tell me grow up/be an adult or they wouldn’t want to be around me if they saw my real self (that’s happened when I was younger, so even now I hide my emotions from others with the exception of putting on a mask of happiness, because whenever I was happy or pretended to be, I didn’t get yelled at or see people with an annoyed expression on). My therapist told me that it was emotional abuse that I have (which I didn’t even realize until he told me the signs of it, which I realized that I had) and emotional inhibition too (which means that I hold back emotions in situations where it would be healthier to express them. feelings like anger, joy, affection, and vulnerability get stifled).

So because of all that, I get jealous of other people who can express themselves freely. I also feel like if I express myself, some might find me annoying or are only putting up with me to be nice (I’ve had ‘friends’ who did that) so it always make me question myself. I’m oblivious when it comes to romance & since I’ve never had a boyfriend, I’m completely out of my element when it comes to dating (I actually worry that I might not make a good girlfriend because I feel like I wouldn’t know how to act like one). I also don’t believe in love at first sight, I’d prefer to be friends first. Tbh, when somebody mentions “love at first sight” I always mentally roll my eyes and I want to say ‘it’s not love, but lust at first sight”, but I try my best to keep that to myself. Though I don’t admit it out loud, I actually like the feeling of being protected and having somebody to lean on (even when I tell myself otherwise at times). I’m a bookworm, electronic & video game nerd. I’m not a morning person & it takes me a while to get up, I have a playful side that I show when I truly trust someone.

My true personality usually comes out when I’m around animals,  since I trust animals more than people because I know that I can trust them and that no matter what they’ll love you unconditionally.  I won’t admit it, but I like to cuddle (I’m always found hugging my stuffed animals or my dog or cat). I had to grow up quicker mentally when I was younger so I didn’t really get to enjoy being a child, so I’m always serious around others, but I truly enjoy when I’m able to have fun and laugh, and just be myself, but I do know when I have to be serious. I’m also easily embarrassed, curious, and tend to overthink/worry too much. I also try my best to comfort others and be there for them, or at least offer a shoulder to lean on since I tend to worry about saying the wrong thing.  I don’t really like being in big crowds (anxiety/panic attacks may start, and during panic attacks, I’ll usually cling to the person).I get more talkative and easily excitable about it if its something I’m interested in or I’m around someone I’m comfortable with. I have this habit of always apologizing, even if it’s not my fault or has nothing to do with me. I just automatically say I’m sorry. And when people ask why I’m apologizing, I just say I don’t know. It’s second nature to apologize or to say I’m fine even if I’m not. I love watching Disney movies, action/adventure, anime, Japanese and Korean shows/movies,and cartoons, mystery shows/movies, but I’m watching dramas I always check the ending to see if it’s a happy ending, if it’s not, then I’m not going to watch it, since I prefer happy endings

Even though this is random, when it came to Harry Potter Pottermore quizzes, I am a Hufflepuff/pukwudgie,and my patronus is a Piebald Stallion. I want somebody who accepts me for who I really am, and I’ll do the same for them, if they are overprotective, a bit possessive  and/or clingy, then I’ll accept them because that’s part of who they are, and if I don’t understand why they act like they do, I would try my best to understand or help them with it if they want. I would want a relationship where we can both accept and be ourselves, as well as both of us being able to be honest with each other.

When it comes to stuff I’m interested in I tend to really get into it/am detailed (unless I’m having a depression episode, then I just feel blah and don’t want to do anything), otherwise if it’s something I’m not interested in then I tend to be a procrastinator. Also, I’m pretty clumsy, I trip over my own feet often, sadly and even when I’m walking, I can trip (I’ve tripped going up the bleachers and hitting my knee pretty hard. I even once tripped while dancing in my living room and even though the doctor’s said nothing was wrong, a couple of months later when it still wasn’t healed, they said that I had a hairline fracture that could keep a football player out for a season).

My view on relationships are: they are fine, I’m kind of indifferent. I would like to be in a relationship, but sometimes it’s hard to put myself out there,especially when you hear news of divorce rates and hearing about people cheating on each other. When hearing that, it’s worrisome because I worry about that happening to me.

Likes: loyalty, food (both eating -ok, especially eating-, but also making it at times), dancing (might not be good at it, but I love it, especially when trying to copy the dances from music videos), music (especially pop, some r&b, j-pop, j-rock, k-pop, k-rock, alternative, musicals, anime music, video game music, and  instrumentals),  snow (I love playing in it and seeing it, I act like a child when I see it – giddy and excited-). animals (they are weakness, I could be talking and if I see an animals, I’ll say “oh look at the cute ___), fireworks, relaxing, puzzles, music, photography, swimming, the evening/night time, trying to learn another language, storms, cloudy days, rainy days (the dark and dreary weather actually makes me happy and energized as opposed to sunny days which make me want to stay in), trying to find loopholes to get out of things I really don’t want to be in, watching the stars, tea, candy, cartoons, stuffed animals (I’d prefer stuffed animals or books as a gift as opposed to flowers, since flowers don’t last long, though I’m always told not to say that out loud since I’d never get flowers), super soft and fluffy things (whether they are clothes, blankets, etc), bbq, yoga, cooking/baking (I’ve recently got into cooking international style recipes), and reading. I love brain teasers, and mystery/puzzle games because they make think and as weird as it may seem, I like the smell of pool water (that pool chlorine-y smell), it’s strangely nice and calming.

Disikes: cheaters in relationships, abuse (physical and emotional), most rock music, rap, the morning, public speaking (and will go to great lengths to get it out of it –even finding ways to get sick), being bored, animal abuse, betrayal, power outages, complete silence ( not like the ‘nobody is talking silence’, but the no noise in background silence, it freaks me out that’s why I’ll can usually only sleep if the tv is on or music is on), people who are rude to her family, needles/getting shots (I apparently have small veins, so they wind up having to stick me multiple times before they can find a vein, and now I hate needles), being/feeling lonely, being yelled at, feeling like I’m trapped in something (it’s one of my fears too), crowds, my laugh sometimes (because if I’m comfortable around somebody, sometimes when I laugh, I sometimes snort, so because of that I try my best not to really laugh or at least if I laugh I try to hold back my laughter from being a full one in case I let out a snort), getting into conflicts, and bugs (and I don’t like it when people play on that fear either).

Dreams/Goals for future: I’d like to get married someday and maybe have a family (whether having children by birth or adoption, either way is fine with me. No matter what, they would be family, blood ties or no blood ties),but if my s/o didn’t want children, I would be alright with that too, I’d be happy either way and as far as careers go, I might want to become a translator or something related to that, either that or something related to nursing (even though I’m not that great with science, I’m working on it learning/understanding it better ), something involving law or working with animals would be amazing. I have so many things that I want to try, I’m just trying to find the thing that is a fit for me.

I’m not sure if you need/want it, but here is my appearance incase you do:  I’m 5’7, have dark brown eyes with oval glasses, thick brownish black wavy/curly (that gets poofy/frizzy in humidity and while drying after it gets wet) shoulder length hair with bang that stop at my chin, I have light brown skin (not a tan),have a pear body type. I dress pretty casual, I like wearing hoodys, converse, boots and just comfortable clothes. I’m not really into wearing dresses, or heels, but I will wear them if the event is specia or the dress code calls for it.

Notes: She wanted 1p and 2p. For 2p I think China and for 1p I'm thinking Russia so far. I'll read this again tomorrow and see if that's changed.

When it comes to the 1Ps, I can definitely see you with China. Yao wouldn’t really mind all the masks and hiding of yourself. If he’s honest, he does it too. You’ll always be around animals at his house, so he’s usually either off with one of them, or if you’re both with animals, he’s petting one while internally swooning at you. You make him feel like a young nation again, one who hasn’t lived through the things he has. You make him smile, and your honesty is a massive plus in his book. Honesty is important in relationships, he’s probably just as honest if not more than you are.

As another choice, though, you have Italy. Feliciano has no censor when it come to the truth, or how much he loves you. Of course, he does believe in love at first sight, so that would mean he’s trying to woo you while trying to befriend you, and he struggles with not showing his emotions, meaning you’d probably end up jealous of him every now and again. He’ll get you the best of the best of anything and everything. The best. No matter what, he’ll get it for you. You’re the most important thing to him, aside from his nation itself.

For 2Ps, I can most definitely see you with Prussia. Gillen and you both have a lot of the same, and even still, many different problem points. He can help you cope with your OCD and perfectionism, and you can both help each other with being afraid of showing emotions. Past your ability to help each other, he’s going to greatly adore seeing you with animals, especially if you can get some small babies to let him pet them. You make him happy, he’s not afraid to be himself around you, and hopes you feel the same way. You make him a bit braver, too.