#and the teacher telling us to do different random poses and me having no fucking idea what the hell she's talking about

[pinejay]

thinking abt how on our trip to sweden every time i tried to take pictures of my mom she would suddenly move her arms vertically to her sides, curl up her fists, and stand with her feet straight together when a second ago she would be standing naturally. like i kept saying "wtf why r u posing like a ken doll again!" and she would be like "i don't know!!" until eventually she said "i don't know how to pose and look natural!" so was like "well me neither, why don't u just memorize a few poses like i do??" and realized wow that is the least normal thing ever. that is so not normal

[blakelywintersfield]

Minors

Okay so, I originally wrote this in response to this post (my friend's reblog is linked instead of the original because OP either deleted it from their blog I guess?), but I feel like this constitutes as its own post.

I know this may sound like an overbearing parent "don't trust strangers on the internet" talk, but like. I don't think a lot of you understand just how quickly a situation can escalate; it's scary. I mean that not in a condescending "you think you're untouchable you stupid little child, you don't really know what the world is like" way either, but as in, I don't think internet safety is being taught realistically, so those things you're told to watch out for are far-fetched or already seem suspect.

Predators don't work the way TV shows joke that they do -- most predators aren't going to try and message you at random posing as a teenage girl and attempt to strike up a friendship. A lot interact in community spaces like tumblr, where some level of anonymity is allowed, and it's not odd for there to be people of both minor and adult ages. They interact with a variety of people -- not just targets. They will have full-fledged social circles. Their blogs and social interactions will look like literally any other person's on here.

Then, of the different blogs they follow, they end up interacting a lot with a certain user. Maybe the kind of humor clicks, or similar opinions, or interests. Nothing out of the ordinary; that's how people make friends. Maybe then they start by sending an ask, or a message, or whatever, and that continues for a bit until you two are kind of acclimated to one another, and then, as far as everyone is concerned, it's just a new friend! Neat! That's how you make friends on the internet. They most likely did this with their other friends on tumblr. Nothing weird. In this hypothetical, the minor party has their full name and city public.

But then this person you make friends with -- the way you would any other person on this website -- turns out to be 10+ years your senior. Which like. Honestly, you don't have to cut them out of your life and block them immediately, but you inform them you're 10 years younger than them. A responsible adult would respond to that knowledge with anything from the range of "oh holy shit you're baby uhh I feel a little weird interacting with you so personally" to "oh goodness you are a youngling I will now enter caregiver/parent-like mode". And there will be an established tone from there of "we may still interact but there is going to always be a set emotional distance". It'll have a different dynamic/feeling to the friendships you have with people your age. And it should. Both parties can still care about each other! But this isn't someone you would like. Hang out one on one with. You wouldn't hang out with your mom's friend one on one, or at your teacher's home alone. That'd be weird, right? That should be the same kind of vibe you get with any adult "friendship" you make online (I put friendship in quotes because I feel like... there's a better term for it, or should be one that establishes that adult/minor relationship, but if there is I can't for the life of me remember it).

But maybe that person doesn't go down that path. Maybe it comes off that way at first, but there's a subtle level of emotional manipulation that is subtle enough that you're not certain you can accuse them of being manipulative. "Oh wow, you're so much younger than me... do you still want to talk to me / be friends / etc.? I can leave you alone now if you want." Warning sign #1: they are pressuring you to make the decision; they are placing responsibility on you. And it might feel a little mean to just drop communication all of a sudden because of age -- you got along fine before. Why should that change anything? That's a rational thought process, but it's also the one that benefits them too.

So hypothetically, you say "no it's okay, we can still talk. we were talking just fine before we found out each other's ages so why should that change?" And then maybe the conversation continues normally from there. But then they continue interacting with you as your peers would. You guys talk about stuff that's been stressing you or your problems, just like you would with your peers. Nothing seems out of the ordinary. Warning sign #2: That form of emotional connection isn't normal with an adult/minor relationship. I have minors that follow me. They have talked to me about their problems, and I've offered advice and wisdom; I don't condemn that because, well. As adults, we should help guide the younger if asked. But when it comes to my troubles, I limit how much I discuss with them. I don't bring them up myself (it's often brought up by the other party because I'll post about it on here, like a vent post or whatever). And while I don't brush them off with a short "don't worry about it", I make it clear -- I appreciate that you care enough to make sure I'm okay (because their sympathy / care is just as valuable as an adult's), but even if I'm not okay, the burdens and problems surrounding my troubles will be dealt with by me. I don't ask them for advice. I don't goad them for sympathetic words. And it's not that I believe they couldn't give good advice, or their sympathy means less, but an adult should not be relying on a minor for those levels of emotional labor. That established emotional connection where both parties exchange advice and comfort is how predators manipulate their victims because it's subtle and seemingly harmless, and difficult to paint them as a bad person when you have that level of emotional trust.

And once that emotional connection is established, that's when things can escalate, and get scary, quickly.

One day while talking they will probably bring it up -- the way one of your peers would. Something along the lines of "hey can I tell you something?" or "there's something I want to tell you but I'm afraid you won't want to talk to me anymore if I do" etc. etc.; with that peer/peer dynamic, that'll make you anxious, sure. You'd probably get anxious if they were your own age and said that too. So then, it comes out in some form that "I like you, but like... as more than a friend" or "I think you're really cute; I have for a bit now actually" or something similar. Obviously then it's uncomfortable.

But then you realize -- this is an adult. This is someone who has access to transportation. This is someone that doesn't have to report to someone (i.e. a minor can't just say "I'm going out of town for a week bye!" like your parents would, or SHOULD, be like "uh okay where are you going, who are you going to be with, why, etc. etc. etc."). And they know your full name and a general idea of where you live. You could just block them then and there and remove that information from your blog. But what if they already saved it? What if they already used one of those websites where you can look up a person's address by name for $5? What if they already know where you live, and they had planned on asking to meet up? They might know where you live. And you can't confirm or deny that they know. You can't say for sure if you removed that information before they saved it and used it for that purpose. Suddenly, there's the very real possibility that a pedophile that admitted to being attracted to you knows where you live.

Then what do you do? You should tell your parents or a trusted authority figure. But you're also a teenager and there's the likelihood that your parents might brush it off, or get angry with you, and you might get your internet taken away, etc., which is stressful because that takes away a major social area. To build upon the anxiety with that, there's the risk of unknowing if this person does know where you live, and if they do, if they are just unstable enough to do something drastic, like, y'know. Kidnap you. Because they know where you live. And they may know your school schedule too. And if your parents or trusted authority figure doesn't know about this situation, you may end up a missing child never found at worst, or found with far more trauma (5 years of life being kidnapped as opposed to a few months) that could've been avoided had someone known the situation.

But to 100% ensure your safety, it would have to be reported to the police. Because your parents can't do anything about the fact that a pedophile on the internet might know where you live. They can't confirm or deny that they know, and if they did, there's not much they can do other than keep an eye out for someone that looks out of the ordinary. But if they're most likely not home at the same time you are all the time. So, having the police involved ensures your safety -- if you open a case. You can report it to the police, and they'll ask: do you want to press charges (because it could be considered a form of child endangerment). If you say no, then that guarantees if you are kidnapped, that person would be the first they'd look to as a suspect. But to avoid that kidnapping risk at all, you'd have to say yes. And you're a kid that's now having to get involved in court just to avoid any risk to your safety because a pedophile may or may not have your address and may or may not be someone that would abduct their target, and so even if they didn't have your address and wouldn't kidnap you, you are now in a legal situation, which is. extremely. stressful. As someone's who's dealt with the court system a lot it's stressful no matter what.

And sure, you could omit the last step. But then you'll have that looming anxiety for as long as you're a minor that there is a possibility this person may show up at your house at some point. And that anxiety is fucking torture. I know it firsthand, I know all of this up to the legal portion firsthand, because this is exactly how I got tangled up with a pedophile in high school. That anxiety can make you paranoid. It impacts your sleep, which impacts your emotional tolerance and your concentration. It looms and there's nothing you can do to get rid of it other than convince yourself "they probably don't have my address; they probably won't find me". And that logic becomes sounder as time passes. But it requires time to pass, and in the meantime, you sit in constant suffering suspense.

It's just not fucking worth it, okay? You might think "this would never happen to me" but like. I was the fat emo weirdo in high school, literally considered attractive by no one and told so by peers and I still had it happen to me. So don't think "I'm not appealing enough" or whatever. Put self-esteem issues aside here, because to them, you're underage and at a power dynamic disadvantage not just physically, but most likely emotionally too. They care that you're a certain (under)age and can be manipulated into sexual acts. They will target you no matter how ugly you think you are or how unattractive your peers have convinced you.

So please. As an adult, that went through this situation (and could've had it turn out a lot worse tbh) -- do not disclose your real name (especially last names), location more specific than country, phone number, or school publicly online or to anyone you cannot 100% trust. I practice half of these in adulthood just to err on the side of caution since a full name and phone number alone could be used to find my address, and there are some preeeeetty unstable people out there. As a minor, absolutely no one needs any information unless you plan on meeting them in person, which should only be done after you've gotten to know them extremely well and both parties' parents know and are involved. It doesn't need to be on your public profile, and it shouldn't be on your public profile. I want your social media experience to be as enjoyable as possible, I don't want you feeling like you have to constantly keep an eye out for predators. But to keep yourself as safe as possible, don't purposefully make that information public. It's simple, but it’ll help you avoid so much potential stress.

Please stay safe.

[jjuzoir]

Random Kageyama Tobio HCS

Word Count: 1851

Warnings: just... me being in love with a m*n other than masumi 😔 also! these are my headcanons as in,,, what i personally i think he’d be like ‼️ also me projecting my ideal man into him (as if he wasn’t it already 😋)

A/N: i... i love tobio so much it’s literally unreal... i couldn’t wait for a request (i’m still working on the remaining 4 too lolol) so take me projecting my love for tobio >:(

— Kageyama normally wears loose fitting clothes or athletic-style clothing. His favorite go to outfits tends to be a loose tee, some loose pants with an obnoxious Nike logo he swears are super cool but look like two garbage bags sewed together, and running shoes. Throw a hoodie in there for colder weather, even then he still manages to look good.

— He takes very good care of his hair, like freaky good care, because of Miwa. Once she enrolled in cosmetology school and she saw Kageyama use the same baby shampoo from when they were kids she freaked out (if she’d been any later he’d start using 3-in-1) and chewed his ear off about hair care. His hair is super shiny and there’s literally no freeze, he uses nice smelling shampoo and conditioner too. Ugh, I love him.

— He has a very sensitive nose but it gets clogged easily so he doesn’t notice much unless it miraculously unclogs itself and he’s complaining about everything.

— “Eh! Hinata, why’d you smell like a fucking axe bottle?!” “Why does no one say anything about Tsukishima smelling like strawberries?” “Yamaguchi smells like... milk.” “Hah?! Sugawara smells bad-?!”

— He says he’s a picky eater to appear cool but as long as you don’t say what’s in the food he’ll down it. He’ll say he doesn’t like carrots but if you give him a salad with carrots he might even say “it’s the best salad he’s ever had”.

— He’s a hot sleeper, and not in the “oh he’s sexy” type of way. I’m talking, he’ll sweat buckets if he sleeps with anything other than a flimsy white t-shirt and his underwear.

— Might be me projecting my love for bunny teeth but he has bunny teeth, his front teeth are a bit bigger than average (not to the point it’s super noticeable but it’s still something Miwa teased him about), his aunties probably squeezed his cheeks and called him “baby bunny” when he was younger.

— He doesn’t go to sleep later than 9PM, he thinks if he does it’ll ruin his schedule (which it will) and fuck up his body - he’s seen Miwa screw up hers after she pulled a bunch of all nighters in her third year in high school and has been afraid since.

— The type to forget people were coming over and come out of his room shirtless asking for his clean underwear.

— His sister forced him to let her cut and style his hair which led to many questionable hairstyles. Tsukishima is genuinely so grateful to Miwa, especially when she was first starting - he’s got some pictures of Tobio with the shortest most embarrassing bangs ever saved in his phone in a file for blackmail if the need for it ever presented itself.

— Likes pissing people off on purpose sometimes, during one of the training camps he probably walked into the bath with socks on and was made fun of but out of spite he just… never took them off. Said he’d done it on purpose and all too. Tanaka cried out of fear for like a hot minute when he saw him standing under the shower with Iron Man socks on.

— He’s so petty too, if you make fun of him for messing up he’ll remember until you embarrass yourself to make fun of you. And when I say he remembers, I mean it - he can’t for his life remember when to use make and do in english but he remembers when Hinata made fun of him for wearing different socks back on their first year and yes he will bring it up on their second year when he did the same thing what are you going to do about it?

— Probably got scouted for a modeling agency once and began running away because he thought they were trying to kidnap him.

— If he had Tiktok… he would’ve gone viral after posting a video of him practicing, he posted for a while for fun and to flex on people that he was hot but then he saw a comment saying they wanted to drink his milk under a video of him drinking milk and he deleted his account, he can’t buy from that brand for a while.

— He’s got a video of a gorilla walking in two legs saved on his phone for when he’s feeling down and watches it whenever he’s not going well. People think he’s texting his S/O but no, he’s just watching a gorilla walk like minecraft Steve.

— He can’t pose for pictures to save his life, his default pose is an NPC stance with his arms stiffly hanging down and his eyes wide in surprise, don’t ask him to smile or else he will look like a serial killer.

— He’s got a bit of baby fat on his cheeks that won’t disappear no matter what. It’s become a pre-game ritual to pinch his cheeks. He’s also got dimples you can really only see when he smiles naturally but he doesn’t know and he’d get shy if he knew and try covering his face so don’t tell him, that’s a fact he told me so himself.

— Cannot dance to save his life. He’s so long (?) his limb control is non-existent, it appears in game and vanishes when he steps out of the court. He really just bounces on his heels and moves his arms like a t-rex, don’t ask more of him.

— Buys his clothes one size bigger just in case and Miwa teases him saying he’ll need them when he gets old and fat.

— Gets asked out often but always rejects, then has the audacity to complain he’s never dated anyone like he hasn’t turned down half of the school's population.

— Can’t sing. He’s got a nice speaking voice but ask him to sing and he’s out of tone, out of sync, out of breath, and out of the room in 5 seconds.

— Sugawara joked about having him singing as his alarm clock and Kageyama actually believed him, probably sent him a new recording as a gift after he annoyed him during practice.

— Surprisingly funny when he wants to but most jokes fly over people’s heads since he seems so serious most of the time, it annoys him to no end. Yachi still struggles differentiating when he is and isn’t joking because his tone literally doesn’t change at all and she doesn’t want to offend him.

— When he was younger he liked to collect rocks, not even the pretty ones he’d pick the most average, raggedy rocks off the ground and clean them up and tuck them to bed because he saw Miwa play with her barbies like that. Still owns his first rock, he named it “Johnson” after Dwayne Johnson, aka the rock (he’s had to explain it so many times he’s exhausted).

— Accidentally drank expired milk once and didn’t notice until his stomach began hurting and he thought he became lactose intolerant and he was inconsolable for days until he realized it had expired like a month ago - he went on a milk shopping spree and the milk sales that week saw a 20% rise from the last few months.

— Tobio had bad handwriting until he was in Junior High because his teachers couldn’t understand him and had him practice calligraphy, his handwriting is now one of the prettiest ones in the team and he’s the official inker of the VBC posters (as designated by Goddess Yachi Hitoka herself).

— His biggest fear for a long time was getting eaten by piranhas because he saw it happen so often in cartoon shows he genuinely thought it was going to be a bigger deal than it turned out to be but for like a solid 6 years of his life he avoided suspicions puddles just in case.

— Kageyama has a habit of rolling and unrolling his sleeves when he’s deep in thought, it soon made way to a habit of checking his wrist watch (he absolutely has a wrist watch, you cannot change my mind on that) but not actually reading it.

— His nails are very pretty, like most setters, he takes very good care of them. They’re filed down to a perfect length and he puts oils and creams, his hands in general are so nice. He takes a lot of pride in them, you know his cuticles are pushed back and trimmed and he could absolutely be a hand model. Kags’ hands are calloused, he’s a volleyball player of course they are, but it’s not to the extent of Ushijima or Daichi’s hands.

— Talking about hands, it’s probably one of his favorite features on people. He loves holding hands with his S/O and tracing the wrinkles in their palm, being able to interlock fingers with them and feel the bumps in them.

— Mumbles to himself when in thought too! Very nonsensical if you’re not informed on what he’s thinking about, if he’s thinking about you he’ll mumble your name or something like “pretty eyes”.

— Has a very healthy diet, like extremely healthy and thought out. He won’t eat anything too sugary or that could throw off his body, but he does have cheat days (which are rare but exist). He also doesn’t drink much soda or alcohol (once he’s of age).

— Things like smoking are a big no, he takes so much care of his body he wouldn’t even touch a cigarette or be near a smoking area, lowkey paranoid of ingesting the smoke too.

— When he’s older I can see him having a dog and a cat, the dog would be a big dog; if they stood on two paws it’d be the same height as you, he’d name or something like Tobias and think he was super clever and funny, the cat would probably a small cat he’d name Milk (it probably would be a black cat too but he does not care).

— Probably tried baby formula because he heard it was a substitute for breast milk. No further comments on this.

— I feel like he doesn’t listen to music, but if he had to choose something he’d pick instrumental music - not orchestral music or anything like that - but more of a chill, no deep meaning just guitar and piano track. I could see him listening to Shego Sekito or Joe Hisashi on occasion, he might even listen to some 2000’s pop if he wants something to pump him up during training (he works out to Brittney Spears’ “Womanizer”).

— A cuddle-bug when he’s sleepy, he’ll throw himself across his S/O and not move at all, he just wants to stay there and not move ever again (or at least until he’s not feeling like passing out). He’ll like to wrap himself around them and cuddle their neck, he’ll attach himself to their arm like it’s a lifeline.

— In other words, Kageyama Tobio… b-boyfriend material.

[hopeswriting]

Modern AU (Adult!)Arcobaleno on socials media though. While Flames and mafia are definitely still a thing.

Now I’m by no means well acquainted to all the different popular socials media, but here’s my humble take:

Reborn on Instagram.

He only has pictures of Leon first and foremost, with him in the background in one of his ridiculous but very well-made cosplay. Leon of course also wears the same cosplay as him.

He never shows his full face in any of the pictures, but just enough his followers know he’s handsome as fuck.

The artists/photoshoppers among them regularly put the pieces together to see how he could look like, but in a funny-and-obviously-purposefully-wrong way only.

Reborn loves them and saves them all.

------

Once in a blue moon he does post a picture of himself where you can see him clearly all dressed up and fancy, and then immediately deletes it.

But only after he’s sure it has been seen, so he can watch his followers lose their shit while drinking a nice espresso.

They try hard, but so far none of them managed to save any of the pictures before he deletes them.

------

Often there’s what suspiciously looks like blood stains on their clothes and straight up dead bodies lying in the background, but Reborn went so passive-aggressive with the few who dared to ask, everyone is too afraid to ask now.

Anyone who badmouths Leon in any way is instantly blocked. But only after Reborn ripped them a new one AND let his followers do it too.

*

Skull on Twitter and Snapchat.

He tweets the most random, out of nowhere, highly worrying things, that always sent his followers in a frenzy trying to figure out why the fuck he would think of any of this in the first place??

“aren’t you ever tried of your solid, rigid, restrictive bones? don’t you want to just be Luffy from One Piece, a rubber being that can shape themself in whatever way they wish?”

or:

“nobody ever tells you this, but the stress of picking apart melted leather from your burnt skin before it heals is VERY worth the adrenaline of making fire your BITCH”

or:

“is it REALLY illegal if you break in and eat the food but leave money behind??”

------

That’s just his Twitter only followers though.

The ones on Snapchat have the privilege to watch him stumble head first step by step to his tweets, and are actually very involved and active spectators that keep him out of jail, or killing himself, or killing someone else.

Skull, recording a video, halfway stuck in between two buildings: What’s up guys, there're these guys following me and trying to kill me, quick tell me what bones to break so I can fit in there.

see also:

Skull, riding his bike, both of them suspiciously wet, holding a lighter in his hand: You guys ready for this sick fire stunt I came up with?? If everything goes well I should only get second to third degree burns, let’s do this!!!

see also:

A picture of Skull lying on a roof, his arms full of snacks and his mouth stuffed with food, with police cars in the background, that says: send tips to make sure there’s always food in your fridge for when you need it the most. #midnightsnack #snitchesgetstitches #justsaying

see also:

A picture of Skull crouched in front of a body, posing, that says: don’t worry guys we’re just faking, but hypothetically, if you were to hide a body as quick as possible from here without being seen, what would you do? #hypotheticallyseriousanswersonly #hypotheticallythecopsaremaybeontheirway #quickanswersappreciated

*

Verde on Facebook.

He creates a public group with only him as member that’s basically his scientific diary.

It’s not really to invite intellectual challenging debates (though he’d be all for it if someone smart enough showed up), but he figures it’s in his best interest to make the world a less dumb place if he can.

It finds his public, though there’s only a few comments because god forbid you say something dumb or inaccurate and Verde fucking annihilates you in the comment section.

But like, in a teacher way. Like he’s genuinely trying to make you know better but he’s just ruthless at it lmao.

Verde uses a fake name and a fake everything so there’s quickly a running joke along the lines of “Imagine if it’s really the genius scientist Verde running the group and you just outed yourself as a flat earther lol”.

------

But what gets the group really popular is the in depth flames theory involving weather of all things they have to assume he came up with it all on his own because they can’t figure out to save their lives what the hell he’s talking about?

And it makes them question their sanity sometimes because Verde talks about it like it’s the most obvious thing and in the context of just about every basic aspects of life.

Cue the conspirators and their hot new take of “the aliens were among us all along and hid themselves as the WEATHER!!!” that instantly turns into the new popular meme.

That, and the transcripts posts of Verde trying his theories that nine out of ten apparently involves very unwilling participants whose life are threatened and sometimes they straight up DIE???

------

They think both of these is just him fucking with them and it’s all fictional. They want to think it is anyway.

They’re not so sure, but everyone is too afraid to ask.

*

Colonnello on Snapchat.

70% of his content is about Lal because this man is so in love and it’s like he’s a guest on his own account lol.

There’s the “Pining Hard” content where it’s just him trying to seduce Lal, to romance her and asking her out, and Lal brushing all of it off more often than not.

His followers are very invested in this “old bickering married couple type of best friends in oblivious mutual pining” real live action slow burn fic, and cheers him hard whenever Lal reciprocates the tiniest bit.

------

They don’t know the two are already together.

They think Lal brushing him off or flirting back but in an unmistakably joking/”platonic” way is just her being oblivious and not taking Colonnello seriously.

When she would just rather flirt back off camera because it’s her private life thank you very much.

Colonnello never tells them because he assumes they all know and just choose to be in on the joke.

Lal finds it hilarious whenever she goes through his Snapchat (with his permission of course) to find numerous messages of encouragement, so she never says either.

------

But one day she kind of just steals a kiss from him while he’s recording because she wanted to, and his followers lose their shit.

Lal laughs herself to tears and laughs for days.

------

The other Lal’s related content is the “Lal’s loving hours”, where he just takes pictures of her/records her doing random shit---whether it's her making a disaster out of the kitchen, or wearing three pairs of socks because her feet are cold, or beating the shit out of someone---and him doing heart eyes at the camera.

------

Otherwise it’s just him living his life and letting them in on what happens.

There’s a lot of pictures because he’s handsome and he knows it and he likes the compliments aqsdfghj.

Or videos of him going on and on about how energy drinks are really the best drink ever while doing grocery.

Or ranting videos about how bullets wounds are such a pain to deal with and showing himself patching himself up to show how it’s done (thanks??!!??).

Or him watching series and roasting the characters for their dumb decisions.

Or him commenting in real time an assassination attempt on him in the middle of the night in his own fucking home because the fucker sure is ballsy (????!!!!!!???).

It’s very popular too because of how relatable it is.

Well, most of the time anyway.

*

Viper on Youtube.

They have a DIY type of channel, mostly about fashion---what they think about the new products/clothes they bought from their favorite brand, their thoughts on the new fashion trend, their makeup/skin care routine and favorite outfits for various circumstances, or they’re often on live while going shopping.

(I just really like Fashionista!Viper okay.)

They play videos games too, thinking they’re being very good while being very average to not say they straight up suck asdfghj.

Occasionally do reaction videos too.

------

Like Reborn they hardly ever show their face. Actually they don’t show it at all lol. They wear masks to do their videos because a hood is not very reliable.

How do they do their makeup videos then you ask?

They use "volunteer" as models of course.

And by volunteers I mean the Varia qsdftgyhjkl.

------

They also have another very peculiar brand of videos that is the most popular one on their channel. The titles of these videos include but are not limited to:

“A Due Payment Of Yours Is Late? How To Hunt Them For Sport”

“A Little Bitch Doesn’t Respect Your Pronouns/Chosen Name? Step By Step On How To Make Them Shut The Fuck Up Forever”

“How To Efficiently Remove Blood And Various Others Human Residue From Your Clothes”

“Faking Your Death And Taking On A New Identity: Step By Step Tutorial”

“How To Take Over Your Friends Brains And Watch Them Prank Themselves ft. The Varia”

*

Fon on Tumblr.

His blog becomes known as a shitpost blog or a blog run by a bot when really, everything he posts is about actual, very real events that happened in his life.

Except he vague posts every time because he really wants to keep his anonymity.

He posts about the hardships of learning more and more martial arts and staying at the top of the art, and sounds like some dangerous psychopath.

“The body is such a fragile thing, isn’t it? It tends to break quite easily unfortunately. You’d think I’d know that by then, but I really need to remember it more often so I can keep enjoying myself.”

He’s talking about how he always pushes himself too much in training and ends up injuring himself.

“Everyday I dispose of them and reasserts my superiority, and everyday they come back and it’s really hard to not hurt them beyond repair.”

He’s talking about how he’s often challenged by other martial artists who don’t like him being the best and how he always has to beat them up bloody for them to give up.

He also posts about his family's live except it’s the Hibari’s family live, and he doesn’t sound more sane of mind at all.

“I made the mistake of taking Kyo with me on my grocery trip and picked on his tell-tale signs of going through a bad day too late.

But fortunately the shop is still standing and no one was heavily injured.”

or:

“It’s so heartwarming to see Kyo make friends. The brown haired kid didn’t put much of a fight but the one with the pineapple haircut has potential.

He almost managed to stab him that one time, and I can’t wait to tease Kyo about it. He’s very cute when annoyed and embarrassed.”

or:

“Often I look back to the day Kyo got his tonfa and I am always infinitely grateful for this not-so-easy-to-kill-with weapon.

I would like for him to at least finish high school first.”

Yeah it’s very often about Kyoya lmao. And no one knows for sure what in the world a “Kyo” is supposed to be???

An actual human being is NOT the most popular theory qsdfghn.

*

Lal on TikTok.

I guess?? I’m kind of running out of ideas lol, and I know very little about TikTok.

But I’m thinking she makes a series of videos where she looks straight into the camera like she’s on The Office while some bullshit or the other happens in the background.

And it’s not even always her friends or coworkers or Colonnello (yeah he has a category of his own lmao).

As far as she is concerned everyone who chooses to be a fucking dumbass in her vicinity is asking for it aqsdfghj.

------

Also has a “Doing paperwork” series, and the later at night she’s doing it, the more she’s absolutely fucking done with people not being able to do their job properly without collateral damage.

She dryly reads out loud the highlights of the reports and goes straight for their lives lol.

But as funny as it is, everyone is more interested in the very questionable out of context content of these reports???

------

Also does workout videos, as in she demonstrates how to do this one or other exercise, and if these do particularly well it has nothing to do with how people want to look respectfully at her body, of course not.

ALSO has a “Colonnello’s Loving Hours” series because you better believe this woman is also so much in love.

She records him when he’s simply existing---whether he’s snuggling besides her while they’re watching TV, or dancing in the kitchen while cooking, or cleaning his guns---while looking at the camera with this tender, content expression on her face.

*

They become known as the Weather Lovers because boy, do these people like to go on about their favorite weather. Some shipping might even be involved??

It’s how their community introduces them to each other.

Cue even more chaos on their respective socials medias.

Viper’s video of their first meeting is the most popular one on their channel.

*

Yeah I know, I didn’t add the Sky Arco ladies, but I have no idea what they could do. Pinterest maybe? Or Vine? Dunno, they’re all yours guys lol.

[reginaofdoctorwho]

weird shit that would probably have something to do with me in a horror movie

no one wanted this but i’m bored and found a bottle so you’re all getting it. yes these are all true. check the tags, if u think i’ve missed something please let me know!

there was a murder (technically, i don’t really count it as a murder) next door when i was four years old on christmas morning

the weird antique glass bottle i found half-buried in the woods in the woods yesterday with living bugs in it that made no attempt to leave it once i uncovered it

there is a local cult in the next town over. this is not the same as the local cult that was in the other town over where my mom grew up

random completed animal skeletons in the woods behind our house, i’m talking prey and predator, both laid out like in a goddamn scientific diagram. for a while there’d be ones in the middle of our yard, always the same type of animal, always just the bones and nothing else, laid out like it was posed. this has been happening for over half a decade and we have no fucking clue how, why, or who is doing it

the screaming from the woods that i’m going to assume is a fox

my sister almost dated a murderer. his niece or something is in my class

there is a house that is now part of a “local ghost tour” that belonged to my great+ grand parents during the civil war where my great+ aunt died allegedly murdered by her husband who is actually blood related to me. family history says she died of childbirth, which given that it was the 1800s... probably is true

there was an actual murderer in our family a few generations back but he married in and killed his wife and her sister. they didn’t find out about it until they read his journals after he died where it apparently told everything he did and they decided. “well, that wouldn’t look good for the family, and they’re already dead anyway” and just kept it hidden??

the fact we have my great great grandmother’s dress from probably 1890s or 1900s. even more so the fact that i fit in it. if this was fantasy horror (vampires, some immortal thing or ghost) i’d be fucking dead or cursed

fairly certain i was possessed by the ghost of a puritan as a kid

my family seems to have a curse with babies and nurses? my great uncle died when he was born because long story short, hospitals were the new hot thing, he was perfectly healthy, then a nurse dropped him and he died instantly. my sister died when she was a toddler and the hospital actively tried to delete her hospital records to cover it up and ended up getting fined by the state for it. the nurses responsible were not arrested or punished in any way.

my family all has fucked up connective tissue, in my brother it was bad enough he had to get a steel bar in his chest so it wouldn’t cave in.

the many times i have almost drowned, sometimes due to intentional actions by humans (my dad, it was my dad)

this in addition to the other fucked up shit he did before the divorce when he still lived here, including but not limited to: killing my mom’s favorite pet goat, hanging its skull in a tree, and leaving the body in the woods. not letting his kids learn how to cook. anytime someone asked him to cook he’d put as much pepper/hot sauce in as he could (even for like, scrambled eggs) and give it to the youngest person, usually a toddler. this was me at times. taking his kids out to the woods and threatening murder. taking his kids out to the woods and threatening burning. purposely locked the basement from the inside so we couldn’t get the gaping hole in the stairs leading to one of three kids rooms fixed. tearing up pictures of the kids whenever my mom did something he didn’t like. i had more here but i tried to cut it down a litttle

people have threatened to murder me before. one time a girl didn’t threaten, and actually acted like she was starting to like me, but her cousin read her diary or something and found out she was planning to commit a lot of murder, and told her parents and she got sent to a psychiatric ward for a couple weeks

my mom lived down the street from a family that got axe-murdered by one of their two sons when she was a kid. the murderer did get out on an insanity plea and is still in the area. also their neighbor’s mom “lost her mind” (how the story was told) when she had to protect their kids while her husband went over to try to protect the non murderer son when he got home from school and ran over screaming about his brother trying to kill him and had killed their parents

also she knew a girl who almost got kidnapped by this really fucked up traveling serial killer that has his own wikipedia page that is,,, lengthy. the girl had [alleged] mafia ties, and the guy ended up dying shot by police despite them being told to bring him in, which sounds kinda suspicious

long story short i’d probably be the sequel where one comes back

apparently i go to the “bad” school, which i found out in a coffee shop when i overheard two girls talking about how one’s dad went there and how horrible and dangerous it is

school fights are weird. either they don’t happen or they come freakishly close to murder. people slam heads into lockers, stomp on bones, drag people by hair along the ground. one time in my brother’s class a 4′9″ girl sent a 6′2″ football player to the hospital. there was video of a fight a couple years ago that’s still around. it was brutal, but also one of the girls fighting was taking one for the team in it and got the other kicked out

we don’t have a ceiling in all of the third floor, and the cafeteria has 2. this is not relevant in any way, but it’s important to me that you know this

also the guys kept ripping the heating vents/radiators/whatever off the walls in their bathrooms and got almost all the bathrooms locked. including the girls’ ones.

also everyone kept punching holes in the walls so on some of them it’s just,,, metal sheeting down the whole hallway

there are so many fucking shootings in the next town over. literally five years ago it was this nice place where kids would go on history tours, i did when my sister worked for that group. now there is pretty much one business that has not been held up at gunpoint, and if u look up to the serial killer bullet point, it is for v similar ties. it’s a pizza place and if u ever stop by u gotta try it

women in my family have weirdly good intuition but every couple generations we get doubtful. my great grandma didn’t want a hospital birth but decided “hey it’s the hot new thing for a reason”, my mom switched churches based on nothing but intuition and it turned out someone was a pedophile there (found out years later), i instantly could tell my friend’s boyfriend was a pos and wasn’t surprised later when he told her he’d murder and dismember me in front of her, and upon meeting him told him he was a fucking coward and couldn’t do it. he broke up with her a month later.

i was really good friends for a while with two guys that burned a building down. yes they were arrested. i was friends before and after the fire. they’re pretty nice, but this girl they used to date (at different times, they were brothers, yes it was fucking weird and uncomfortable for everyone involved except her but that’s it’s own thing) said some fucked up shit and it was the closest i ever got to starting a fight. anyway i’m still friends with both on facebook. one of them shares a lot of king of the hill memes

speaking of that fight, i 100% would’ve tried to kill her in that moment. u know that john mulaney quote like “i didn’t understand how a person could want to kill another person. then i got cheated on, and i was like ‘oh, okay.’”? that was me, but replace “cheated on” with she told me it was good my five year old sister was dead because she was a waste, and told me she hoped i’d die of covid”. it was mainly the sister thing. i couldn’t move because if i did i’d start a fight with the [way] above mentioned shit.

my family has a literal feud with a local farming family. i mean, we keep farm animals (sheep, goats, chickens), these people have that, pigs, and crops too. the feud was because their great uncle (or great grand uncle, i’m a little fuzzy on the details) published an autobiography (despite not being anyone famous/important) and in it talked about when he was friends with my grandfather and how creepy my great grandfather was (this was the one with the dead firstborn son) because he kept newspaper clippings of the Lindbergh baby’s kidnapping and murder pinned to a board on the wall of his office/basement. also because he was a child of german immigrants who wanted to fight against nazis in WW2 (how suspicious [sarcasm]). members of their family are in my grade. they charged my sister for almost half an extra pound of goods, too, which just revitalized it.

i live by corn fields. i am surrounded by cornfields. (joke one)

i was friends for a while with this girl whose baby teeth,,, didn’t really fall out completely? she was 17 the last time i saw her in person, she’s probably 19 now and judging by her facebook pictures they’re still Like That. she had a very symmetrical mouth/teeth, which made it weirder. just to clarify, she had some of her baby teeth pushed forward and up, so they kind pointed out a little? and all her adult teeth. she was literally so pretty.

a teacher who is v sexual with his female students came into my english class (he is a science teacher) to demand why i wasn’t signed up for his class. we then both became increasingly passive aggressive and he told the whole class where i live with specific directions and landmarks. the guy sitting next to me had to try to tone things down despite being obviously confused as to why it was even happening (me too buddy). he lives down the road from my sister. when my niece had her birthday party at our house i was outside setting things up and he slowed his car down and honked at me. fuckin creep

[mrfutureboy]

I would like to know when you started drawing and where your passion for fanart started 😊

Oh FUCK dude i did not see this i’m so fucking sorry this is so late 😭 damn you, tumblr, for not fucking notifying me!! Anyway buckle up this is gonna be much longer than you asked for <3

Honestly ive kinda been drawing all my life! I hope that doesnt sound dumb cuz obviously almost everyone drew pictures when they were kids, but i know that it’s been a consistent hobby for me since i was little. By the time i was in 3rd grade I was hoarding notebooks to draw in. Cuz that’s something fun about me: i had a real huge habit of drawing in things that werent sketchbooks. Through middle school and beyond I did buy/receive sketchbooks, but I started out with various kinds of notebooks. One I had from like 2nd grade was like a hardcover, stationary-type notebook that I drew cats in lol, and I have 2 velvet lisa frank notebooks from 3rd grade. In high school and college I had a really bad habit of drawing in the margins on my notes and on handouts the teacher/professor would give. Those classes where the prof just prints out all the notes beforehand and gives them to you to follow along? Oh man, I spent so many classes barely listening while I drew on them! I also used to draw on my physics homework and tests and sometimes I even got extra credit for them (thank you jeff :D). I actually have a folder of various drawings I’ve kept from that 8yr time period and a lot of them are on classwork 😂

Obviously, I’ve been doing a lot of digital art lately, which I’m sure is what u were more curious about rather than the shit about drawing on my homework. I got a surface pro as a graduation gift in 2016 bc prior to that i had a wacom tablet and a janky ass laptop, so the gift was kinda a 2-in-1: i can do schoolwork AND art easily! i like digital art a lot and honestly im still learning new things abt it every time i draw. I use Leonardo currently (i’ll skip that story) but I started out doing digital art on sketchfu WITHOUT the wacom tablet in maaaaybe 2012??? 2011??? does anyone on this site remember sketchfu? Honestly couldnt even tell u how i found that site hahah the internet was just full of wonders back in the day. RIP sketchfu. Once i got the tablet tho some time later i used sketchfu still (i think) but also gimp and krita i believe.

Oh i suppose I should mention that i took art all four years of highschool and also minored in it in college! So it’s something i did academically as well as for fun. I keep thinking about going to art school for realsies but idk. I’m already $$$ in debt from my first degree i dont feel like adding to that 😅😓

Ok now for the second part of your question: I’ve also pretty much always done fan art! Ive never really been one for OC’s, EXCEPT for the self-insert superhero double life “comics” i wrote about a poodle named Sassy when i was in third grade. And then the knock off “comics” i wrote at a later time which honestly it was weird that i did a knock off of my own thing rather than just adding them to the original or making it a spin off with at least one of the og characters. Cuz it wasnt a spin off!! But anyway there wasnt really much to any of these characters; i just needed vessels to get my weird ideas out.

So anyway yeah most of what ive ever drawn has been fan art or self portraits, because its just easier for me to take characters that already exist and bend them to my will (artistically). Well excluding art assignments in school i guess because i would usually have to draw something specific and therefore not something self indulgent. But yeah ive drawn for lots of fandoms like the earliest i remember is warrior cats. Then theres things like pokemon and warriors and random other books i read thru middle school (i used to read a LOT but now im practically illiterate); spn, sherlock, and marvel through high school; and then marvel and bttf thru the end of hs and beyond. Idk i also have always loved looking at other peoples fan art and so im like “shit i wanna do that too!”. Tho i will say marvel was my biggest fandom and the one i had the longest interest in, so that was probably where the passion REALLY came from cuz I was drawing marvel stuff for such a long time (tho not posting shdjsk u have to trust me), but ive been doing fan art forever :)

(Of course, a lot of the fan art i was making prior to recently was drawn in lined notebooks or on homework sheets or what have you, and I wasn’t posting really any of it, but i was still making it and a good chunk of it still exists. Oh i should also mention most of it was with pencils or ballpoint pens like i wasnt doing anything too fancy. There was some digital art in the highschool-college time frame but it also really wasnt…much. Honestly i barely posted any of it here but I know some of it’s on deviantart)

I cant pinpoint the exact time I started getting more “serious” about my art in general, but i know the first pandemic lockdown gave me more free time and i was less stressed about schoolwork so i just kinda had a good outlet. (Tho i will say that prior, I had been in a life drawing club for a short while, and i had also been working on a personal sketchbook project that had me pretty ~inspired~ to do art. Also i watched twin peaks around this time and it inspired a lot of Feelings and i was making funky collages and other art pieced that were sometimes related to that. Some of those are on deviantart)

Honestly I think the Big thing with my digital art was coincidentally getting back into BTTF the summer of the 35th anniversary bc the fandom here was THRIVING and i was like “oh shit wait i want to contribute!” But as i kept drawing i kept wanting to improve and that leads us to right now where im constantly trying new things (whether subtle or obvious) and challenging myself to do full body drawings with different poses, and doing screencap redraws and what have you for various reasons (backgrounds, proportions, pose, etc)

So yeah :) Basically I’ve been doing fan art forever (I didnt even get into all the mediums ive tried but that’s another conversation bc this is already so long and convoluted) and it’s kinda coincidental that ive suddenly really gotten back into it and have improved dramatically in such a short time. Thank you so much @rovermcfly for the ask and again im really sorry you had to wait so long for a response! Stupid tumblr

[madamichaicha]

A Lesson In Restraint - Chapter 2 (KakaSaku)

It had been ten months. Ten long, angst-filled months of tension since they had returned from their mission in Amegakure. Tsunade had needed a kunoichi to pose as a sex slave in an underground fetish trade show. Apparently a wealthy landowner from Grass Country had started forcing his residents to pay ridiculous taxes to sponsor his weekly trips and expensive taste in exotic and submissive women.

If his tenants refused to pay, he would kill them on the spot. After receiving pleas of help from escaping villagers, Tsunade informed Sakura, whose looks were bound to catch his eye, of her new mission. She would exploit his weakness, luring him in with her womanly ways, distracting him long enough for Kakashi to make his move.

Sakura remembered Tsunade's only concern was whether she could actually pull off looking and acting the part of a slave, clearly doubting the word “submissive” even existed in her vocabulary. But they both knew a certain someone who had a taste for the peculiar and perverted, and was perfect for training such a newbie. That was how their mission between them began, once again as teacher and student.

Only this time, it was different. They were both consenting adults... and the dynamics between them had drastically changed. This entire mission had changed Sakura, leaving her wanting more. But she was stuck. They swore on their way home they would never speak of this mission again, and at the time she agreed with her older teammate, knowing it was probably for the best. But over the next ten months, she couldn't get passed the road block their vow of silence had created. She needed to talk with Kakashi, but he made himself scarce and unavailable, and thus the frustrating cycle continued.

As the loud voices of the bar pulled her back into the here and now, Sakura shook her head, clearing her thoughts and memories as she eyed her silent teammate beside her, noting his nonchalant demeanor.    

"I'm sorry" Sakura sighed, finishing off her drink and ordering another one, loving the liquid courage coursing through her veins allowing her to speak honestly.                          

"Sorry for what?" Kakashi questioned hesitantly, raising his eyebrow in suspicion.                          

"Sorry for whatever I did to piss you off…that's why you're avoiding me, right?"                            

"I'm not avoiding you, I've just been… busy."                            

"Busy avoiding me. Please don't act like everything's fine between us, not after-"                            

"Sakura…we both agreed that when the mission was over, we wouldn't let anything change. You know as well as I do that what happened between us was just a natural side effect of the training I was putting you through…nothing more" Kakashi stated flatly.                            

"Is that the truth?" Sakura questioned quietly, looking at him under a curious brow, "Is there really nothing more?"                            

Kakashi averted his exposed eye, clearing his throat as he shifted in his seat once again. He wasn't sure which aspect made him more uncomfortable, the fact that drunk Sakura was being overly honest, or the fact that her honesty was making him recall thoughts he should not be entertaining…in public…with the object of his lustful desires currently rubbing her hand on his thigh.

Standing up, his panicked mind kicked into overdrive as he grabbed her by the wrist that was atop his leg, and drug her out of the bar, threading through the throngs of people effortlessly as they slipped out the entrance and into the adjacent alley.

Pushing her against the wall, and into the shadows, they stood awkwardly close, hiding from the moonlight and nosy passers-by. Before she could speak, Kakashi threw his hand up, in an attempt to silence her outburst as his other hand pinched at the bridge of his nose in frustration.

While he stood thinking of the best way to phrase his next statement, Kakashi felt Sakura grab his raised hand, her soft hands pulling his fingers up to her face. As he looked up at her, timid eyes of green stared back at him as she tenderly placed her lips upon the bandaged finger kissing it lightly, letting her healing glow of chakra flow from her pursed lips into his skin.

The cool buzz from their chakra connection sent the sharpest of shivers down the silver-haired jonin's back, causing him to stand up a little straighter at the sudden contact. Exhaling deeply, Kakashi let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding as he pulled his hand from her grasp. Remaining unfazed, Sakura slowly stepped towards him, her eyes never leaving his, pleading him to accept her. But as she made her way to him, he backed away, shaking his head in disapproval. Sighing as his eye found hers momentarily, his shoulders slumped as he felt his resolve begin to crumble.                            

"Don't follow me" Kakashi stated flatly and firmly before vanishing in a whirlwind of leaves.                            

Sighing aloud, Sakura leaned back against the brick wall behind her, swallowing the words that never left her mouth. Feeling defeated and disappointed, she lowered her head, squeezing her eyes shut tight as if to fight away the tears, but the tears didn't fall for him, they fell for her. She had long since been acquainted with the feeling of never being good enough. Even in the beginning, she knew she would never be as great of a shinobi as the others in Team 7, but the constant rejection from her ex-sensei was starting to take its toll on her.

Was she still not good enough for him?

After their mission together, things had changed between them, there was no denying that. Try as they might, every time they touched, the electricity between them was still just as powerful, even when it came to routine first-aid after each of Kakashi's missions. The only difference was that Sakura was the only one who acknowledged the fact, and was willing to act on it. And each time she did, Kakashi pushed her further away.                            

"Why?…why does he still push me away?" she mumbled under her breath, her hands coming up to bury her face as she silently cried.                            

"What the fuck was that all about?" a dark voice beckoned from the corner of the alleyway.                            

Snapping her head up, Sakura paled as she saw Sasuke step into the light. As he made his way towards her, she quickly wiped away the tears that pooled in the corners of her eyes, hoping he hadn't heard her embarrassing rejection from their former sensei. Standing in front of her now, Sakura could tell he was seething, the anger emanating from his disapproving stare. As she stood there speechless and silently trying to avoid the upcoming conversation, she shrugged, feigning ignorance as she pushed off the wall and stood on her own.                            

"Oh…you know me, I get overly emotional when I drink too mu-"                            

"Cut the bullshit, Sakura. I saw him drag you out here. It offends me that you didn't even notice your own boyfriend inside the same bar as you. Seriously, what do you take me for?!" Sasuke blurted out through a tight lipped snarl.                            

Caught off guard by his abrupt anger, Sakura stared at him, scared and confused. As she digested what he had just said, her eyes roamed about his face, giving her mind time to form the words to explain their behavior.                          

"B-boyfriend? But…we aren't even dating!" she stammered before fighting the urge to burst into wild laughter.                          

"Of course we are!" Sasuke confirmed loudly as he slammed both hands on the wall behind her, trapping her between his arms.                            

His outburst was the last straw, she could no longer hold it in. Sakura threw her head back, laughing uproariously, the ridiculousness of the situation setting in. Slapping her knee as she continued to chuckle, she could hear the Uchiha growling as he watched her drunken giggle fit.                            

"What exactly are you laughing at? Do I amuse you?" Sasuke questioned tersely, his patience growing thin with the pink haired kunoichi.                            

"Pfft…Y-yes! Yes, you certainly do! 'Boyfriend' HA! Sasuke…we only had lunch together, and now you think we're dating?! If that's not funny, I don't know what is!"                            

"Don't play games with me, Sakura…I know you've been in love with me for years…I know you want me!"                            

Without warning, Sasuke crashed his lips down against hers roughly, pressing himself against her body, trapping her between him and the wall. As she immediately pushed against his shoulders, trying to stop the kiss, he grabbed her arms and forced them back against the bricks with a painful thud. Yelping in surprise as her wrists stung from the force of hitting the wall, Sasuke stole the opportunity to deepen the kiss, forcing his tongue inside her mouth with sloppy, urgent fervor.  

Refusing to let Sasuke continue to tongue rape her, Sakura fought through the discomfort and summoned enough chakra to her hands as she pushed the uncouth Uchiha off her, sending him flying into the opposite wall of the alleyway. As Sasuke hit the wall behind him and slumped down into the street, she crouched before him, a look of disgust written on her face as she eyed him with disdain.                            

"I may have been in love with you, but that was a long time ago…I'm afraid you missed your chance, little man. Actually, I'm not even sure you stood a chance. As if I would ever love someone who hated and ignored me" Sakura chimed victoriously over his crumpled form.                            

"Oh really?" Sasuke coughed, "So based on your logic, I suppose it's safe to say that you wouldn't love that old man, either… seemed like he left you high and dry."                            

With his words, her face twisted in anger, her leg winding back before it connected with his body, effectively kicking him square in the balls.                          

"Listen up you Uchiha-BAKA! He may have left me…but I certainly wasn't dry."                            

Shaking out her hair, and calming herself after her less than lady-like outburst, Sakura shook away her nerves as she turned on her heel, cracking her knuckles as she began to walk away. Satisfied with the sounds of his gasps and grunts through random expletives, Sakura marched away proudly, smile in tow.

Good riddance.

                            "Face it, Sakura…he's not into you. That man-whore will fuck anyone, hell, he's got quite the record I hear, yet he wants nothing to do with you. If he won't fuck you, I'm not sure you'll find anyone who will. Well, besides me, but I'm pretty sure you just burned that bridge, baby. After all these years, you're still the same annoying bitch."                          

The moment she heard him speak, she had stopped dead in her tracks. She told herself that listening to Sasuke would be like drinking poison, the words eating away at her and driving her mad, but she had to hear him out. And as the tears threatened to roll down her face, she knew he was right. She wasn't angry with him anymore, because he had only said aloud what she had been saying to herself all along.

She had heard the rumors about Kakashi's extensive track record. It was common gossip around the village that Hatake Kakashi was not only a man of a thousand jutsu's, but also a man of a thousand broken hearts. It was silly of her to think that things between them might be different. If it was sex he was after, he could have had her in every way possible, at least twice…but he hadn't. Throughout their entire mission, not once had he penetrated her, made love to her, or fucked her in the various ways she had imagined he could.

She had bared it all on that mission in Ame, she had done things she never thought she would do. Kakashi had opened her eyes to a slew of new feelings and experiences she was more than eager to explore, but upon their arrival back in Konoha, he had made it abundantly clear that he wanted nothing to do with her. Business was just that, business.

Needless to say, she was disappointed in herself and the way she had let their acting manifest real emotions within her, so much so that she could no longer tell what was real from what was fake. Her gut was telling her that their chemistry was undeniable, that the way he looked at her so hungrily was real, but her head was filling her mind with harsh truths about the ninja way and how much of a silly girl with a crush she was being.                            

Standing there, her head throbbing, her eyes bloodshot, and her heart broken, Sakura gathered the courage and strength to run. She wanted more than anything to run straight home and bury herself under the covers and sleep for days, but as she was about to take off, a familiar voice called out to her.                          

"Stop right there."                            

She knew that voice, she'd know that voice anywhere, for it was the one that haunted her day and night. It was his voice.

Kakashi's voice.

Turning slowly around to face the voice that called out to her, she swallowed as she saw Kakashi holding Sasuke by his throat up against the wall, his toes barely able to touch the ground.                            

"Apologize!" he ordered, only receiving a smug smile in return.

"APOLOGIZE TO HER. NOW."                            

"Make me, old man" Sasuke sputtered as he freed himself from Kakashi's hold administering a swift kick to his chest, pulling out a kunai to defend himself.                            

“Don't even think about it, Sasuke” Kakashi warned “You're on thin ice as it is being back in this village after what you've done. You so much as lift a finger to strike me, I'll have you thrown in jail for the rest of your life.”

Growling, Sasuke, tucked his weapon away. He hated losing to this bastard, but he damn sure didn't want to go to jail over someone like Sakura.

"Apologize for what you said, and then just admit you're using her!"

"What are you, her father?" Sasuke grumbled.

“Just do it, and you won't go to jail, smart-ass.”

“Whatever, fine. Sorry.”

“And...?”

"And I was using you, Sakura… just not in the way you might think."                          

Satisfied with his apology for the moment, Kakashi took his place beside the silent kunoichi.

Looking at her now, Kakashi knew it was all worth it, her tear stained cheeks had already begun to dry.                            

"Wait. What does that mean?" Sakura questioned, confused by Sasuke's phrasing.                            

"Well, not that it's any of your business, I was just using you to find out a few things about myself. It's been weird ever since I returned to the village, and being with Naruto all the time has started making me doubt…certain things. So I figured I would try dating, and I knew you liked me, so it made sense at the time" Sasuke explained as he steadied himself on his feet.                            

"What? What are you even talking ab- Oh! Oooooooh my god…don't tell me" Sakura beamed with sudden realization.                            

"DON'T say it!" Sasuke cut in heatedly. "I was only experimenting…to be sure!"                           "And…?" Sakura prodded as she waited impatiently for his answer.                            

"…"                            

"You totally love Naru-"                            

"Shut it!" Sasuke exclaimed as he began to blush.                            

Sensing it was time to go, Sasuke made both of them swear to uphold his secret so he could tell the dobe himself. And as he jumped up to the rooftops, vanishing quickly, Sakura was made aware of the tense atmosphere between her and Kakashi in his absence. Wishing to fill the silence, Sakura looked upon Kakashi with a lifted and curious brow as she stepped towards him.                          

"Thank you for standing up for me…but why did you come back?" she questioned, cracking a slight smile.                            

"No thanks needed, he was way out of line, that brat. And I….uh…"                            

"Yeah?"                            

"I came back…for you" Kakashi confessed tentatively.

"When I had made it home, I realized something. I have been on edge and irritable these last few months. For a while I thought it was just me being cranky and overworked, but that's when I realized I haven't exactly been with anyone in a while."                            

"Oh, great! So you just came back because you were horny? Honestly, you could hav-"                          

Before Sakura could finish her sentence, Kakashi had slid his mask down and grabbed her behind the neck, pulling her into him as he kissed her heatedly with want and all the built up tension they had stored between them. Melting into his body, Sakura returned the kiss with equal fervor, gasping as she felt the light flick of his tongue as it glided across her bottom lip. Opening up for him, Sakura allowed him entry, welcoming his warm muscle as it danced with hers.

Wrapping her arms around his neck, she pulled him against her as she hummed in appreciation, feeling his hands caress the sides of her neck, his thumb grazing along her jawline. Breaking the kiss for air, they looked each other over with an added sense of understanding as their desire still lingered in the air between them. Sakura openly gawking at the sight of his face for the first time, her eyes fixed on his perfect skin and debonair smile. She knew he had to be good looking, she just wasn't prepared for downright handsome. Chuckling at her blatant staring, a warm smile spread across his face, a smile that made her knees weak.

"I came back because I was tired of denying myself the only thing I have wanted for the last year. What can I say? You drive a hard bargain. It was damn near impossible for me to say no to you one more time" Kakashi admitted as his fingers caressed her cheek lovingly.

"Ever since that first lesson, I have thought of you…and only you. Trust me, I have tried to get you out of my head, but I'm afraid you left a far bigger impression on me than I intended…and I just had to be sure that what you felt was genuine, and not a side effect of the mission."                          

Giving him the answer he was looking for, Sakura kissed him again, her hands fisting in his hair as if to pull him closer against her. His own hands smoothing down her sides and around to the the small of her back, where they made the signs for his teleportation jutsu. As she broke the kiss, Sakura looked around, noting the newly changed surroundings as they stumbled into the dark foyer of Kakashi's apartment.

Without warning, Kakashi yanked her tiny black skirt down, allowing him to lift the unsuspecting kunoichi up, wrapping her legs around his waist. Pushing her up against the wall, they were once again a flurry of tongues and teeth as they all but consumed each other, hungry for more. After slipping his headband off, Sakura hurriedly unzipped his flak jacket before pulling it down over his shoulders as he shirked it off, throwing it somewhere into the dark room. As he kissed down her neck, Kakashi grabbed the zipper of her black crop top between his teeth as he freed her breasts from their confines. Taking in the sight of her, his mouth was upon her once again, leaving a wet trail of kisses down the valley between her perky breasts. Taking a pink bud between his lips, his tongue flicked over the nipple teasingly before closing around it completely, sucking gently at her flesh.                            

He groaned against her chest, loving the soft mewls and moans that filled his ear. A hand coming up to pinch the neglected nipple between his fingers, Kakashi worked Sakura into a frenzy as she squirmed against his body, gasping as she felt his arousal rub against her bundle of nerves through the thin layer of cloth her panties offered. Caught in a landslide of sensations, Sakura found herself rocking her hips against his, her body once again responding on its own.

Lost was she, as she cooed and whimpered, Kakashi's tongue working her over, his teeth scraping across her skin as he nibbled on her breasts, feeding her flames.                            

"God Sakura, I want you so bad” Kakashi whispered against her ear, his head nuzzling into the crook of her neck, “You have no idea how difficult it was for me on that mission… not being able to give you what I think we both wanted the entire time"                              

"Difficult for you?" Sakura chuckled, her arms wrapping around his neck, "I'm the one who was actually being tortured."                            

"Yes, but I couldn't stand doing that to you now… I can't wait any longer" Kakashi growled, pushing off the wall and walking back into the bedroom.                            

Yelping as they fell backwards onto the bed, Sakura pulled Kakashi's face down, kissing him again as her hands hurriedly removed her shirt and began ripping at the buttons on his. Sloughing off his shirt, Kakashi sat up and took in the view. Sakura was sprawled out beneath him, that same look on her face he recognized from the mirror that day. Lips parted, eyes hazy... oh how many times that reflection haunted him over the months since their return.

Slowly, he bent down, his fingers hooking the waistline of her panties, peeling them off of her. In her shyness, Sakura found herself needlessly trying to hide her most intimate of areas, Kakashi gripping onto her knees, parting them as he settled between her legs.                            

"Oh no you don't. There is no need to be coy now…" the silver-haired jonin remarked lewdly, as his head dipped down, kissing her inner thighs lightly.

"I've already seen you, and now… I want to taste you."                            

Inhaling sharply as she felt his feather light kisses along the inside of her legs, Sakura twitched, her mind reeling as she felt his heat between her thighs, his warm breath fanning over her sex. As soon as she felt his tongue slick over her lips, her legs widened willingly, her hips rolling as she urged him to continue. His fingers opening her up, Kakashi's tongue circled around her sensitive nerve bundle slowly before sucking on the bud, teasing her beyond her limits.                            

"K-Ka-ka-shi…"                          

With out responding, the Hatake released her clit as he lapped at her core, tongue slipping inside her hot cavern which had already flooded, coating his mouth and chin with her liquid arousal. She had tasted better than he had imagined, her scent filling his nose with delight as he delved his tongue deeper inside her, his face nuzzling against her now as he pleasured her senselessly.                            

"Ka…kasha…I…I can't-"                            

Knowing she was close to release, Kakashi's hand came up, pressing down on her pelvis as he held her squirming body firmly down to the bed, keeping her still as he continued licking at her core. Then, he slid a single finger inside, his mouth now closed over her nerve bundle, his tongue tapping at it over and over. Feeling her inner muscles constricting, sucking his finger deeper within, Kakashi added another finger as he pumped them into her at a deep, and steady pace. While her body twitched, he began to rotate his hand, his fingers now digging deeper into her, groaning out as he felt the muscles clamp down on his fingers as they contracted around the intruders.                            

"That's it Sakura, come for me. I want to hear you."                            

At his words, Sakura gripped onto his unruly head of hair, pulling at the roots as her thighs closed around his face, her eyes shut tight as she threw her head back and came hard and fast. The burning heat had driven her into a frenzy, and falling over the edge with the copy nin's face buried between her legs wracked her body as her orgasm washed over her in violent waves.                            

"AHH…Oh, f-fuuuuck! Ka-kashi!" Sakura screamed as every muscle in her body went taught, her toes curling as Kakashi ripped her orgasm from her.                          

Feeling her body grow limp, Sakura melted back into the sheets, a satisfied calmness resumed in her as she opened her eyes. Swallowing harshly as her breath began to dry her mouth, she could feel her heart beating harshly against her chest, the heady sensations making her vision blur. Even through her haze, she could see Kakashi wiping his glistening mouth, now sitting up on his knees, smiling down at her.

She tried to contain herself as she watched Kakashi unfasten his buckle and pants, kicking them off to the side as he crawled back up to her, settling between her legs again. As he kissed his way up to her neck, he nibbled on her earlobe, his breath hitching as he nudged against her with his throbbing need, as if asking permission.

“I want you” was all Sakura could muster, she wanted him badly. Wanted to feel him, feel him inside of her in hopes they would be complete together. He made her ache for it.

Aligning himself with her scorching entrance, he exhaled slowly, slipping through her lips and into the warm depths that quickly enveloped his entire length. Groaning, he thrust his hips, diving deeper into her still.

"That's it baby, you can take it…" the Hatake growled against her as he tried to catch his breath, the delicious tightness of her body was distracting him from breathing.                            

As Kakashi made deep, rhythmic thrusts, his pace was slow as he kissed the kunoichi deeply. Her lips returning his enthusiasm easily as she moaned and whimpered with each thrust, the feeling of him filling her repeatedly quickly driving her closer to the edge once again. With each kiss, her face began to blush as she could only taste the remains of her last orgasm on his tongue and lips. It was a tangy, yet sweet taste, and she had to admit it, the thought of tasting herself was turning her on even more.

This man was very torturous, indeed.

As Kakashi tried to break the kiss, Sakura bit down on his bottom lip, sucking on it lightly before letting go, smiling at him deviously as he sat up, gripping onto her legs throwing them over his shoulders. Driving into her vigorously now, Kakashi's head fell back as he groaned, his hips thrusting deeper into her than before as he felt the familiar warmth pooling in his lower abdomen.                            

"Oh shit! Fuck, I'm close..." Kakashi gasped as he found release deep inside her, coating her inner walls with his arousal.                            

Collapsing into a tangled heap on the bed, their panting breath filled the empty apartment air as they rode out the wave of ecstasy together. They remained in each other's arms, neither of them wanting to move for what felt like hours, both enjoying the bodily comfort the other provided. They didn't need words in this moment. They could feel how much they meant to each other, there was no denying it now.

Laying silently in the moonlight, they enjoyed the cool summer breeze wafting over their dewy skin from the cracked window beside the bed, the chorus of distant tree frogs quickly lulling them to sleep.

****

As the early morning sun began to trickle in, Sakura became strangely aware of the warmth beneath her. Glancing up through sleepy eyes, she saw the handsome face of the man she loved, clear as day. Still sprawled out upon his taught chest, she stared at his exposed face, counting herself lucky to be one of the few that had ever been gifted the opportunity to witness it in all its glory. She would never tire of this view. Last night had seemed like another one of her dreams, the memories all flooding back at once, but all Sakura could do was smile as she felt such a relief that it was reality. It had been a long time coming, but it had finally happened.

Kissing the chest beneath her gently, Sakura slipped out of bed and made her way towards the bathroom. After relieving herself and cleaning up a bit, she splashed some cold water on her face and helped herself to some toothpaste, not wanting to scare Kakashi off with her morning breath.

Tip-toeing down the hall back to the bedroom, she spotted two lone picture frames along the wall by the door. The first she spotted was their old Team 7 photo, she was fond of that photo as well, and was happy he had kept it all these years. The second photo was from the day Tsunade promoted her to head medic at the hospital, Kakashi giving her bunny ears in the background. She hadn't remembered taking that photo, but it brought her great pleasure knowing that he cared enough to frame it and hang it in his home.

Perhaps she was closer to Kakashi than she had known, after all.

Leaning against the doorway to the bedroom, she watch his soundly sleeping form, the pooled sheets barely leaving anything to the imagination. He was stunning. She couldn't keep from staring, it was just  an amazing sight to behold.

“Alright you creeper, stop staring at me and come back to bed” he mumbled groggily with a smile, patting the empty space beside him.

More than happy to obey, Sakura joined him under the sheets, only now, a mischievous smirk graced her features as she thought of a little payback. Grabbing his abandoned forehead protector, she tied it around his eyes, blindfolding him as she rolled over, straddling him.

"I do believe it's my turn to torture you now…"

[meteor752]

...Hi.

I’ve wanted to make this post for a good while, just to get all of this out of my system.

This is not to make myself the victim, or to blame the person I’m going to talk about, this is just to vent.

There are also some people that I know that follow me and the person and will probably see this post, and I just want to ask you not to get involved or pick sides or anything.

So imagine you’re me, you’re a kid in a new school and you don’t know anyone. You are away on a class trip in the beginning of the year, and you’re supposed to sit with your class seat buddy on the bus, but your belts don’t work so you both have to find somewhere else to sit.

You walk along the bus aisle near tears, when you see a free seat beside a kid with black and yellow hair looking out the window. You ask them if you can sit there, and they says yes.

We will call this kid Kim.

You and Kim introduce yourselves, and they mention that they’ve read a book wity a character that has the same name as you, and you end up talking about other books you both have read.

The two of you go in the same year but different classes, so you hang out whenever you can.

You make other friends in your own class, but frankly there’s just a lot of drama and sometimes it’s nice to just hang out with a person that is more like you.

You and Kim spend three years hanging out together, playing Pokémon trainers, discussing Harry Potter, pretending to be animals, and you just have a lot of fun.

At the end of sixth grade you come out to the world as a Lesbian, and Kim comes out to you as Pansexual, and you start to bond a lot over it.

But then, at the end of sixth grade, something happens.

You decide that next year, with a new class, you won’t be a pushover anymore. You won’t be the girl that sits in during recess, reading Harry Potter books. You will be tougher, more outspoken, more confident.

You and Kim end up in the same class, and everything is fine at first!

But then, without realizing it, it changes.

You both start hanging out with other people together, and quickly become a part of a friend group. But without realizing it yourself, you are much more into the group than Kim is.

Kim starts forgetting their glasses, so they have to sit in the front of the class while you prefer to sit in the back.

The people that you and Kim used to hate have actually matured a lot, and you end up being able to have genuine conversations with them, despite Kim not realizing this.

Then everything goes downhill for you.

You start getting anonymous hate messages on the internet because of your sexuality, you start to really see the flaws in yourself, you start to hate how you look, how you think, how you are.

And you’re too afraid too talk about it to your parents, so you bring it up when you’re talking with Kim.

But instead of taking what your saying seriously, Kim interrupts you when you try to have a serious conversation, just saying random words, and instead of being there for you they just say “Yeah that’s how life is”.

You graduate seventh grade, and begin the worst Sumer of your life.

The summer of refusing to leave your bed, the summer of crying for someone to be there when no one is, the summer of long sleeves.

And through it all, Kim isn’t there.

When you begin right grade, you’re basically dead inside.

You laugh along with your friends, you do your homework, you write your fanfics, but inside you just want to end it all.

You barely hang out with Kim anymore, except for rare occasions, and it’s during this time that you start to realize how annoyed you are of them.

The way they laugh way too much at the smallest joke, like banging their hands on the table laugh, the way they always interrupt you when you’re talking, the way they insist on befriending the teachers, even the ones that bully you, the way they always make ridiculous poses that aren’t funny in the slightest.

You get really into musicals at this time, and you try to talk to Kim about them, but they always say that they are not interested in a sharp tone. But then they come up to you and start to talk about drag races and drag queens, and you try to listen but it’s just really not interesting to you, and when you tell them that they just huff and stomp away.

You ask Kim about it all, if they are in someway mad at you since they seem so sharp towards you. They say that no, they aren’t, but that they thinks it’s annoying that you shout across the classroom to correct someone??

You tell them that you need them in your life because of all the shit you are going through, but they just recommend a therapist and leave it at that.

Your parents finally find out about how you’re feeling by pure accident, and you’re diagnosed with depression and start seeing a therapist. At first it feels weird, but after a couple of weeks, it starts helping.

It’s in the winter season that Kim comes out to you as Non-binary, while the two of you are walking so you can buy chocolate. You are of course fully supportive, and ask which pronouns they want you to use in public. They say that they’d preferred if you used their given pronouns in public, but in private you use they/them.

But since you barely hang out anymore, you barely call them they/them, and after a while you almost forget about it.

It’s a simple assignment that makes you really despise this person. You’re supposed to make a video about a societal question, that would work almost as an ad. You end up with Kim and another girl, that is actually really kind.

The two of you wants to do something about feminism, but you end up in an argument about something, that eventually leads to if Straights should be allowed at pride.

Kim says strictly no, that Pride is a LGBT thing, and the straights shouldn’t have anything to do with it. You say that they should, because parents and friends should be there as emotional support, and a Bisexual might be dating a straight that wants to be there for their partner etc etc.

You eventually join another group.

After that, you stop trying.

You hang out with your new friends, and occasionally see Kim walk around school alone with their headphones, mouthing the words to the song.

At first you feel bad about it, but you stop after a while because Kim is not even trying to make new friends. They just talk to the teacher during class, give short answers to questions from classmates, and act as if anyone would look at them, they would die.

Kim comes out to the whole world as Non-binary, and you start to call them by their proper pronouns and their new name.

Whenever someone calls them their old pronouns or name, you are the first to correct them, and if anyone has any questions about their gender you are happy to answer, since you know that they’d rather don’t.

If anyone would ever mock them for their gender when they aren’t there, you snarl are them quickly, because it doesn’t matter if you like this person or not, respect all genders bitch!

Kim starts to hang out with new people at school that are a year older than them, and you’re a little happy for them.

It’s at the end of eight grade, when you’re sitting and talking to a friend that also used to be friends with Kim before she had enough, that Kim comes up.

You ask her if Kim ever mentioned why you and they never hang out anymore, and she said that they did.

According to Kim, the reason they and I don’t hang out anymore is because I call them by their old pronouns too much.

And the amount of pure rage that filled me at that moment was like an active volcano.

Because say what you want about me, Arrogant, Weird, a know it all, a disaster, whatever! But don’t you dare to propose that I don’t respect Non-Binary people.

It’s a lie too! I occasionally slip, but I quickly correct myself and apologize! I am the one that always correct people for fucks sake!

But this motherfucker dare to say that I call them the wrong pronouns, that’s just pure bullshit.

I was tempted to just sit up, find Kim and punch them in the face!

I have been wanting to confront Kim about this ever since my friend said it to me, but we have many mutual friends and I don’t want to screw anything up between them.

So currently I have no idea what to do. Thoughts?

[frostygar]

Arrow S7 Ep1 Thoughts

I haven’t watched Arrow in a long time, but watching the recap and uhhh Ricardo Diaz or whatever was the most annoying fucking bitch… the biggest reason I’m watching Arrow is because of the Elseworld’s crossover (since I stopped on the episode for The Flash) and also because the show is ending and I’d hate to not finish it after putting in six seasons so far so let’s fucking goooooooooo

- See, this is the problem I have with many shows. They use the same annoying villain for more than a season and honestly I just want the pain to fucking end. Why do you think they only have villains for a season, and then they defeat them and are never seen again? Because otherwise it gets repetitive and boring. Also low-key forgot that William was Oliver’s son. Oh… that was a nightmare Oliver was having um… well everything still applies.

- Ruelle’s songs are always amazing for badasses I love it and her!

- “Watch it, Arrow” bitch are you really going to try and fight him he’s THE ARROW. You’ve seen him fight. Stop being a little bitch. Also, wouldn’t they have to put Oliver in solitary confinement considering he’s a hero (or at least, a big target for the other inmates)?? And what does that security guard have against Oliver like—

- OMG THAT DUDE… I MADE A SUPERNATURAL FIC WHERE MY OC WAS HIS SISTER AND WENT ON WITH SAM AND DEAN. Brendan Fletcher is such a great actor! Anyways,,, we all know Oliver’s going to refuse helping him because he’s trying to stay alive and out of trouble but it’s in his nature to help people so he’ll definitely end up helping him.

- That guy looks like Mick Rory. Also, okay dumbasses, good luck beating the shit out of T H E  A R R O W 😂😂😂

- How to tell that someone is cosplaying as the Arrow other than Oliver being in jail: they unnecessarily shot this guy in the hand, and then made a spectacle out of him by posing him on the tire of a police car at the precinct.

- Why does Oliver look surprised he has a visitor? YOOOOOOOO DIGGLE!!!! Oliver’s number one since the first episode 🥺🥺🥺

- OLIVER’S EYES WATERING UP MY FUCKING HEART!!! Also, I give him shit sometimes but he’s so fucking strong? Physically, yes, but I mean mentally as well. Any other show would take some insane, nonsensical route to get the main character out of jail but Oliver knows that he has to stay down and out of the spotlight for once and he IS. Incredible.

- FELICITY?! WITH THAT PINK HAIR AND NOSE RING?! Please keep this hacker-esque Felicity! It’s so good and looks so fucking hot—

- This guy just trusting a random barista to know what to do, and around his work. What an idiot lmao but whatever I love hacker!Felicity we rarely see her. Her fake-name is Erin… okay. Interesting.

- Wait… Dinah, someone who literally betrayed them (last I remember, it’s hazy because again it’s been awhile and I remember her plot being kinda boring so I didn’t pay that much attention tbh) and was going off the rails… is now the captain of the precinct?? How? However, she SEEMS okay and was pretty cool from what I just witnessed so maybe I’ll give her another shot.

- RENE MY BABY BOIIIII!!!  He’s teaching self defense to teenagers and his daughter PLEASE I LOVE THIS?!?!? I love his relationship with his daughter (and the idea of them fighting crime together when they’re able to again) but high key wasn’t she very, very young last season or am I tripping?

- “So it’s on us to protect ourselves” EXACTLY WHY RENE/WILD DOG IS TEACHING YOU SELF DEFENSE… Kid, he can’t be Wild Dog right now. I guess for safety or whatever but like damn I get that your parents were robbed the week before but maybe you could, I don’t know, ask Rene as your self defense teacher, to help you?? You don’t NEED Wild Dog…

- Can people stop calling Oliver “Arrow” it’s low-key annoying…

- NOT THUS DUMBASS KID TRYING TO BUY GUNS. BUT YASSS RENE KNOWING HE’D DO SOMETHING STUPID AND COMING TO THE RESCUE NOW I GET TO SEE RENE BEAT THESE GUY’S ASSES

- “The Green Arrow” technically still protecting Rene (despite the real Oliver and Rene’s iffy relationship) we love to see it

- Honestly though I think Oliver and Felicity are kind of cute and have an… okay… relationship but she’s much better suited with like nerdy guys. than guys like Oliver. I don’t know, I can’t put my finger on exactly why I’m not really into Olicity (other than the stans) but I miss her being a hacker and helping out instead of just being Oliver’s wife or whatever

- LAUREL!!! I mean, not the REAL Laurel if I remember correctly, I’m hoping that the Earth-2 (?) Laurel isn’t going to be as annoying and flip-floppy as she was last season.

- “… this New Green Arrow a threat” LIKE OLIVER WAS ONE??? YOU BITCHES DEEMED HIM A VILLAIN FOR THE DUMBEST BULLSHIT BECAUSE OF THE REAL VILLAIN RICARDO DIAZ, BUT NOW THAT THIS GREEN ARROW IS ACTUALLY A THREAT… NOW Y’ALL ARE SCARED?????????? Jesus Christ.

-  It’s been 17 minutes but this feels like an entirely different show. Almost refreshing, if Ricardo Diaz wasn’t the villain (or that the government is against Oliver like idk it’s just not… interesting really)

- YAY AWWWW I MISS CURTIS!!! One of my ultimate faves 🥺🥺

- Well that dude is definitely not Tommy (even though I did hear about him coming back somehow??)

- That poor guy. Is he going to end up becoming a villain or something because Oliver didn’t protect him?

- Rene caring more about his kids having hope than their dumb immunity deal 🥺🥺🥺

- WILLIAM. If anyone hurts him I swear to GOD… I will kill them myself. Also, his bond with Felicity 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

- How convenient that the guy’s cell is directly next to Oliver’s. And Oliver’s reaction to seeing the guy all fucked up… the guilt :(

- Yeah, both of you have family but you also are both in jail… maybe wrongly accused I don’t know if that’s true but in jail it’s a game of survival and as sad as it is for Oliver to look out for himself and his future, he’d risk everything for someone he doesn’t even know and he’s done that his whole life and look where he is now…

- YESSSS RENE MY FUCKING MAN!!! Doing what he needs to do for the sake of his kids at the community center!!!

-  Oliver’s fighting naked I’m—

- WILLIAM SHOWING UP IN THE CORNER NOT ONLY SCARED THE FUCK OUT OF MY BUT IF ANYTHING HAPPENS TO HIM—

- “Thank God you monologue” THE WAY I’M SCREAMING!?!??! Also Felicity being allowed to fight back and be badass since Oliver isn’t there to take control we love to see independent women! Iris West could never! Honestly why the fuck does Diaz even CARE. All I remember is that he found out who Oliver was and didn’t like it because oof his own tragedy or something and now he wants to make Oliver pay, but it’s like… POINTLESS. It’s like Hiram Lodge in Riverdale… Diaz is boring.

- That “you’re okay” from Oliver when he saw Felicity aww!

- FELICITY… I GET THAT YOU’RE AFRAID BUT YOU CAN’T JUST LEAVE WILLIAM!!!

- How exactly is Felicity going to fight back, though. Like, yeah she knows some moves but her speciality is hacking.

- Dinah is still as annoying BUT she at least makes sense so that’s a plus.

- William’s “you’re leaving me” NOOO 😭😭😭

- YESSSSSS OLIVER GOING OFF!!!! Also not that guard just watching and doing nothing like he doesn’t make any sense. He hates Oliver but lets him fuck up the people that he has to know is doing bad shit like??

- WAIT A FUCKING SEC, ROOY AND WILLIAM?!?!?! OH BITCHHHHHHH

I’M HERE TALKING ABOUT HOW ARROW IS BORING BUT THIS EPISODE WAS SO FUCKING GOOD? Maybe it’s because it’s the season 7 premiere and the hype does tend to flutter off throughout the season but holy fuck!!! That was… really good!!

[mythical-song-wolf]

BNHA Angst Week

Day 1: Betrayal // Apologies

No. No. This can’t be. Pichu and Shitty Hair can’t be the traitors. They can’t be. They just can’t be. They can’t. No...

“Goodbye, Bakugou, Midoriya.” Kaminari shoots a bolt of lighting from his fingers like a gun. The impact launches both boys out of the window.

They land on something that cushions their fall. They both hears voices around them, asking if they’re alright, what happened, and so on. But neither take note.

Izuku hears someone that sounds like Aizawa and Yagi, while Katsuki notices when Deku starts moving. Katsuki follows.

Aizawa pinches the bridge of his nose, a report clutched in one hand. Various coffee mugs litter his desk, his hair tied in a messy bun. Aizawa sighs, before looking back at the papers.

That mission wasn’t supposed to end this way.

It was supposed to be a simple disaster relief rescue op. A mere misfire of a child’s newly manifested Quirk. Right?

It was supposed to be the students going in to get people out of the area and taking them to the paramedics. The younger students farther from the danger while the older ones were closer. Pros were littered around the area so no villain could come in to attack them.

That’s how it was supposed to go, right?

Wrong.

The attack was rigged. The misfire occured in a kindergarten, but it wasn’t a child who caused it.

It was a Nomu. A Nomu that disappeared not long after the ‘misfire.’

Once the Pros and interns were sent out, the attack started. Nomu, newer, better, stronger, faster, all came out and started rampaging. Every Pro sent out to help with the rescue immediately switched gears to fight off the beasts while the students continue the rescue.

What was the league after this time?

To put it simple, here’s what happened and here’s what they wanted.

One of the builds the problem children’s team was suppose to check apparently housed a researcher and they were tasked with getting any USBs or files they found to the Pros immediately.

Kirishima found a USJ that was labeled ‘Quirk...’ the rest of the text was faded. The USJ could’ve contained information ranging from Quirk records of civilians or even Pros. To new findings in Quirk research.

Kirishima wouldn’t put it in the case they were given to store important files.

That’s when Kurogiri appeared, and Kaminari and Kirishima revealed themselves to be traitors. Kaminari attacked Bakugou and Midoriya soon after, launching them out the window.

Thankfully, there was a Pro on the scene that specializes in saving people when they jump or fall out of buildings. If it wasn’t for them saving Midoriya and Bakugou, everyone would’ve thought that Kaminari and Kirishima were simply kidnapped while Midoriya and Bakugou were killed by the fall.

It’s been a week since Shadow Strike and Black Berserker betrayed U.A.. Everyone in class 1-A was trying to cope with the information.

The fact that Kaminari, the electrifying lovable idiot, and Kirishima, the guy with the soft heart but a strong Quirk, betrayed them... It was painful. It made no sense. That means their friendship with them was all a lie? A tool used to further increase their credibility as a regular student?

Many of them felt so stupid and used. All of them became quieter than usual, more hesitant to talk or socialize.

Ashido and Jirou spend most of their time in their rooms, no one knows what they do in there but Sero and Yaoyorozu each visit Ashido and Jirou respectfully.

Todoroki was more distant than even before the sports festival.

Iida was almost completely silent.

But the ones hit hardest by this are Bakugou, Midoriya, and Aizawa.

Bakugou and Midoriya were there that day. The day those two revealed themselves to be the traitors.

Bakugou’s first real friends turned out to have just been using him. While Midoriya feels an all too familiar sense of betrayal when all of his peers, except maybe Kacchan, left him behind when he was found to be Quirkless.

Aizawa was the one to get it out of them, and he was the one who had to tell the other students. He had grown to care and, dare I say it, love these kids— his kids so, so much in less than a year of knowing each other. To know not just one, but two of them were traitors and they slipped right under his radar... not to mention... they hurt Midoriya and Bakugou, not just physically... if the look in their eyes once they were found was an indicator...

Everyone else in U.A. felt... not pity. No— sympathy for the class. The class that almost all of the first years started to loath, has all of U.A.’s support. Even Monoma from class B came over to try and comfort them along with the rest of class B and Kan-sensei.

One day during another joint training session between both hero courses, Midoriya snaps.

“Midoriya!” Aizawa exclaims, activating his Quirk.

CRACK!

A huge dent is made it the wall. Even without the strength of his Quirk, Midoriya made a dent in the wall five times bigger than his own fist.

Next to Midoriya, Bakugou had his legs close to his chest. A few tears rolling down his face.

“Why,” Izuku whispers, not looking up from when he punched the wall. No one makes an attempt to answer, but they know someone has to.

Eventually, Iida steps forward.

“Mi- Midoriya-kun... they were working for the leag—”

“That’s not what I fucking meant!” He growls. Everyone takes a step back, because Midoriya’s shouting and Bakugou’s crying. Did what happen hit them hard enough for their personalities to change?

“Then,” Uraraka mutters, stepping forward, “Then what do you mean... Deku-kun?”

“I mean why the fuck did I see hesitance in their eyes when they betrayed us?! Why did Kirishima not look at anyone in the eye during that?! Why did it seem like Kaminari was actually surprised that Katsuki and I felt betrayed?! Why did it seem like I still saw my friends in them?!” Izuku readies his other fist to punch the wall, but is stopped by a weak tug at his shirt.

Kacchan.

Katsuki looks up to Izuku, and everyone flinches back. Because Katsuki looks so hurt, broken, and vulnerable.

It feels wrong. So, so wrong.

They shouldn’t see one of the strongest people in their class— in their grade look so small, broken, and hurt. Because if he’s falling apart, then...

The sparking rage around Izuku dissipates, like the energy from his Quirk.

“Kacchan...” The anger in his eyes simmers down to a deep sadness that pulls at their heartstrings. The person with the brightest smile shouldn’t look that miserable.

“How do you think I feel? The first real friends I had since you turn out to be fucking traitors!” Katsuki snaps, his voice broken and cracking from his tears, “...it doesn’t help that they looked as if they didn’t want to betray us. As if they actually cared.”

Class was dismissed early.

Class 1-A and 1-B had a joint class movie night with their teachers and some other students that wanted to watch (well, mainly to comfort the 1-A kids). Izuku and Katsuki sat on opposite sides of Toshinori, the man in question having an arm slung around each boys’ shoulder. The two boys fall asleep on Toshinori’s shoulders.

It’s the first time they’ve properly slept since that incident.

Eijirou looks into the window and his heart twist painfully in his chest. His hair is back to being it’s plain black colour to better blend with the darkness he now roams in.

Someone walks behind him, and Eijirou turns. It’s Denki.

“You ready?”

Eijirou shakes his head, before looking to the ground, “Do you regret it? Leaving?”

Denki pauses, before placing a hand on Eijirou’s shoulder, “I would be lying if I said I didn’t miss them. But we’ve chosen our faith...” Denki chuckles, it’s dry and deprecating, sad almost, “Looong before we even met them...”

Eijirou looks back into the dorms, “I wish... things had been different...”

Denki nods, eyes shifting to the dorms, “So do I, but alas, the world isn’t as kind as we wish... we can’t turn back now...”

Eijirou locks eyes with Denki. Yes we can.

Denki shakes his head. No. Don’t.

Denki turns and walks off, “Let’s go.”

Eijirou nods, taking one last long look at his class.

They’re all snuggled together on the couch floor, some of them snuggling with the other students from other classes.

Aizawa was sleeping near Bakugou and Midoriya’s feet in his signature yellow sleeping bag, with Shinsou was lying on the floor next to him. No blanket, just a pillow as he was doing the ‘draw me like one of your french girls pose’ as he looked at the TV. Seeming to have dozed off.

Uraraka and Todoroki were leaning on Midoriya, same with Bakugou but with Ashido and Sero leaning on him. Both pairs clearly trying to comfort their friend, even in their sleep. They were always so kind and caring.

Everyone else was sprawled across random pieces of furniture or leaning on other people. Monoma was sleep on Vlad King’s shoulder while Tetsutetsu was lying on Monoma’s stomach. Jirou and Yaomomo were curled together with Kendou in a fluffy blanket cocoon. Neijire and Mirio were leaning back to back on each other, with Tamaki being held to Mirio’s chest.

Ejirou turns with tears falling from his eyes. The class dozing soundly as the movie closes off.

A breeze blows by, whispering sweet lies to their ears.

They’ve made their choice. But who’s to say they can’t make another one?

Change fate you two. Twist the future. Make it better.

Brighter.

You can do it.

Heroes.

Eijirou and Denki pause, before shaking their heads.

Foolish of them to think they could ever be heroes, right?

[cherry-slushie-cosplay-blog]

Freshman Year Quotes

Ok so I did a list of all the stupid shit I heard in my Freshman year of high school. Enjoy.

(T) - Teacher (AP) - Freshman Assistant Principal

FRESHMAN YEAR ----

"Any weeb brethren, see me after class I want to be friends." *class is totally silent* "*loudly* I have a seven inch penis." "I'm a farmer bitch I will throw my crops at you." "You can teach tiny cil- chilr- chilud- chiluden, wait what?" "I'm telling Jesus!" "Jesus already knows." "(T) Use your 5 sols! Haha, get it? Like soul?" "Bold of you to assume I have any at all." "HE CALLED ME THE N-WORD, HE CALLED- oh shit you're a girl my bad I'm just messing around trying to get someone in trouble. Have a nice weekend!" "Eins, zwei, drei, vier, fünf, sechs, sieben, acht...FUCK!" "How do you make an equilateral square?" "I think my back has scoliosis." "I've got a bag of chicken." "Why do you have a bag of chicken?" "Because. Why do you have a bottle with mangos on it?" "This- this is mango-flavored tea!" "AND THIS IS CHICKEN-FLAVORED BAG" "...and some condoms have spermicide which kills off the sperm. Don't ask me how I know all that, Mrs. ********." "Are you from Russian?" "Sit your ADHD-filled ass down." "If we were in hell, do you really think I would be here?" "(T) Yes." (T) "Is stupid written on your forehead?" "I don't know, is it written on yours?" "His forehead's big enough for it." "That looks like an orgy pile over there." "Why do you guys always sit behind me?" "If we want to kill you, you won't see it coming." "Is this what Julius Caesar felt like?" "You're so tiny! You look like a doll!" "And you look like a cock-riding motherfucker." " Technically, time is a construct." "Technically, none of this matters and we're all gonna die soon." "Will you two shut up please?" (T) "My 2019 has been completed, I made a student cry." (This was January 10th btw) (T) "As long as you do your best and turn that in, you'll be fine." "What if my best sucks and I get a bad grade?" "Ok that was good I'm gonna give you that." "I'm gonna put on black lipstick and go to sleep." *Aggressively singing Dream Daddy For Me* "What's that?" "A grapefruit." "Bitch that ain't a grape." "No, grapeFRUIT." "It looks like you put Kool Aid in an orange." "Dude it's called a grapefruit." "No, fuck you and your Kool Aid orange." "I ate a mouse dongle." "Why the fuck would you do that?" "I don't know, I just did." "Racism is my bitch. I bend racism over and take it from behind." "A function is an input and a function...oh wait hold on I messed up- stop laughing at me I got this." "James Charles did one of Bob Ross's tutorials on his forehead." "So he has a big forehead-" "Shut the hell up ***** no one cares." "The answer was D! D as in 'Dinosaur chicken nuggets'!" (T) "What are the first ten amendments?" "I know the ten COMMANDments." "No one cares, we're not in Christian school." "YES WE ARE HAIL MARY" (T) "Do your work or the Lord may strike you." *this was at the religious girl from the previous quote* "What time is it?" "It's fuckin uhhhhh noon o 5." "Noon o 5?" "I forgot the word twelve." "I SEE HEADLIGHTS" "Hm?" "Headlights is nipples." "If this is a test I'm gonna throw myself out the window. I was about to go to the hospital this weekend and I'm still gonna make it happen." "I won't T-Pose for dominance but I will screech and make your eardrums bleed." "Does anyone remember Llamas With Hats?" 4 people: "caAAARRLLLLL" "Pagans terrify me." "Why?" "Every pagan I know of is a furry." "sKeDaDdLe SkAdOoDlE yOuR dIcK iS nOw A nOoDlE" "NO NOT IN MATH CLASS" "Doodlebops." "shUT THE FUCK UP" "I watched that yesterday, I have it on DVD." "WHY THE FUCK DO YOU HAVE DOODLEBOPS ON DVD" (T) *random Chewbacca noise* "My brain is smaller than my dick." "If you feel stupid, you should." "What about King Solomon?" (T) "What has Solomon ever done for America?" "What have YOU ever done for America?" "Nothing should be in your mouth unless it's a banana." "What type of banana?" "A yellow one, duh." *laughter* "Or a green one, whichever you like more." (T) "For the people who I'm signing these for: are you going to the farm-" "YES WE FINNA BE COWBOYS" (T) "What y'all playing over there?" "Chess." (T) "I hope you lose." (T) "If you're stupid, it's your fault." (T) "Let's go guys!" "hoLD ON I'M SAVING MY POKEMON GAME" "There's people taking pictures down there - should I pour Monster on them?" "When you gave me my pencil I was like 'I like Zoe, she's nice' in my brain and then my brain somehow connected that to 'You tryna smash?' and another part of my brain said 'No, stop, she'd cut your dick off'." "That's the strangest intrusive thought I've ever heard from a friend." "How many of y'all think I'm gay?" *about 6 people raise their hands* "Ok then." "May I please go to the bathroom?" (T) "You just have to get out of here at any chance you get, don't you?" "I'm serious, I'm really hungry, does anyone have any food?" "I have lotion." "Fuck you." (T) "OH MY GOD SHE HAS TAP SHOES CAN YOU DANCE???" "...no" (T) "YOU STILL LOOK GOOD" *watching Sorcerer's Stone* "Who's at the window?" *ta-da it's Malfoy* "Oh it's a blonde-headed lesbian." "Shit fuck goddammit bitch pussy fucking Jesus Christ." "I have ibuprofen, you know." "Nah, I'm good." "I'm a lil loli short and flat~ My head is for pat- wait fuck what was it" "Hello~ my fuCKING HIP OW" "Are you ok?" "I popped my hip...Hello, my name is Elder Price~" (T) "Here, it's legal to marry your 2nd cousin twice removed." "I'm doing it." (T) "******** no-" "Fuck (insert name of school district), man. On my mom." "I wanna fucking die I hate this class." "No. I look like Jesus, I'm telling you no. Therefore, Jesus says no and you're not allowed to die." (T) "How else could we have solved this?" "With a calculator." "Did Diego steal his money from Dora?" (T) "I don't know, moving on." "All y'all talking about how your souls are dark black, mine is baby blue. It's brighter than your hair." "uwu my stomach hurts" "I'm serious I'm not on my phone." (T) "Oh really?" "I swear to GOD she wasn't!" (T) "Oooooohhh" "Holy shit Zoe you're gonna send **** to hell." "You were staring at me for like 20 seconds before calling on me!" (T) "No, my glass eye was staring at you. My real eye was over there seeing that stuff, and over here I didn't see sHIT." "I heard there's G-Spots in your ass, why don't you shove it up there and have some fun." "How about no?" "Suit yourself." "I don't like raw fish — it makes me sad." "100 senators!! Come ON, Sen - a - tors!" "Shut up go stick your head in a dick." "I want that Mormon Milk." "I'm begging you to stop talking." "I'm salivating for that salvation." "Shut the fuck up."

BONUS: SCHOOL'S POWER OUT

"My god that sun is brighter than Kirishima's smile." "Zoe is turning into Trina." "I'm breaking down~" "Come over here anyone who wants to take 'Golden-Hour Mental Breakdown' selfies and/or get Pocky." "Anyone who refuses to let their anxious child come home will be personally smacked by me with Zoe's copy of 'Half-Blood Prince'."

NORMAL SCHOOL

"Stab me in the ovary or whatever you said." "CORRODED ARTERY YOU ARE MALE" "Same difference." "Perfect boy lookin-ass- no homo." "What the fuck" "People think that Sherlock Holmes isn't real because he was written in a book. God was too but you don't see people denying HE exists, do you?" "Ok do a burpee." *burps loudly* "No a- you're a fucking idiot." "Heyyyyy Zoe, can we- holy shit is that Pornhub?" "How do you make a baby crawl in a circle?" "I don't fucking know." "Ok...do you know how to make one stop?" "When did you get here!?" "Couple minutes ago." "???" "I'm quiet and people generally don't notice I'm here." "...do you need a hug?" (T) "What'd you do this weekend?" "Some sewing." (T) "What'd you sew?" "Robes…" (T) "For what?" "*increasingly embarrassed* A costume." "From what?" "*very red by now* Harry Potter…" "Which character?" "*wanting to crawl into a hole* Draco Malfoy…" "*polite clapping from entire class*" (T) "He's on the road to alcoholism." "I'm doing a 21-Day challenge of not talking, if I do - punch me." (T) "Oooohhh this is gonna be fun." *knock at door* (T) "*presses face against door window* What's the password?" "bitCH GIVE ME BACK MY CAPRI-SUN" "It's not Capri-S-" "IT'S BOOTLEG CAPRI-SUN GIVE IT BACK" "Holy shit you turned the Jesus-freak gay." "What happens if you don't deletus the fetus?" "Then the abortion isn't completus." (T) Can you see where I'm going?" "To hell." "Oh look, a wasp." "KILL THAT SHIT" "Oh man I can't hear my eardrums." "How the fuck would you hear your eardrums?" "That's the POINT." "I like a p p l e s ~I like 'em big and juicy-" (T) "NO." "Everyone raise your hand if you want Mr. **** out of the room." *80% raises their hands* (T) "Even you?" "What do you mean 'even me'!?!?" "******? ******!!" "What?" "If I ask you a question will you be a douche?" "Probably." "Understandable." "What the hell am I reading?" "Words." "Mr. **** do you like donkey ducks?" (T) "I'm not even going to answer you." "I'm scared of homophobes." "Homophobophobia." "If gay is a slur does that mean that African American is a slur?" "Who has my mcfreaking phone? WHOMST HAS MY PHONE" (T) "Ooh free charger! *wraps cord around neck like a scarf*" "Whee whee mone me jam apple laff-yeti" "If someone is being homophobic, give them dyslexia." "Troom Troom life hack: if someone is harassing you — eat them." "Troom Troom banana hack: if someone is harassing you — shove a banana up their ass." (T) "Take that hat off." "I'm a gangsta." "I'm never gonna use this shit. Do you think I'm gonna go to McDonald's and say something like, I don't know, 'Oh riddle me dubious'? NO." "I'm gonna meticulate you until you get dyslexia." "What the fuck does that even mean?" "I'm gonna meticulate your rectum." "Please stop." (T) "See that girl? She likes bad boys." (T) "Ask her, she has tape." "What the hell has made you think I have tape?!?" "I don't care if you have 106% in this class, you can kiss my fat ass!" "No, PICasso." "I like Costco-" "No." "Holy shit *points at red train in movie watched in class* it's the Hogwarts Express." "Stop it." "Choo choo bitch we goin' to magic school." (T) "Guys Mr. ***** is in here, quick make it look like you're doing math." "3 + 7 = 9!!!" "Are you serious?" "MOVE IT, MUNCHKINS!" *shoves us apart and runs off* "Excuse-moi, I'm gonna beat her ass." "Oh my god someone's weave is on the floor." "Only at (insert school name here)." "THERE'S MORE THEY THREW IT OUT THE FUCKING WINDOW" "*handing out books* Take this dick, *throws book on student's desk next to me* and here you go. *places book gently on my desk*" "waIT TAKE THAT BACK I WANT A 'HERE YOU GO' WTF" (T) "-and so the corn salsa would be 20...thaaaat's not one of the answers oh no." "You fucking whore, happy birthday." (T) "How do you know you are college and career ready?" "Because Jesus loves me." "Last time I shit my pants was in middle school." "rePEAT THAT?" "I'm gonna show up tomorrow with AIDS." "Did you just say you'd show up with AIDS?" "Yeah." "Why??" "Cause HE put his spit on me." "I'm borrowing your chair. To sleep." "I'm straight as a line." "Oh? *makes loop-de-loops in the air* You mean THIS line?" (T) "I will decimate you. I will wipe your name from the earth." "Is the government making us take this test?" (T) "No, the district is making us take it." "Well the district can suck my ass." *calling every white person in a certain scene of Ernest Green a toothpick* "Is it just me or does ******** seem like he'd end up having a job at Chuck and Dale's?" "GIVE ME BACK MY PHONE I WANNA WATCH MERLIN" (T) "You boys don't know how to chop down a tree, do you? You wouldn't be able to do that." "Yes I would, I do it in Minecraft all the time!" (T) "Ok, remember to put your name on your paper." "No. I have no name. She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. Voldemordita." "Stop it." "Shut up, both y'all gay, always smackin' each other's asses in class." (T) "Easy, Luigi, we're not watching a movie." (This was a sub for Civics class and he had just walked in 2 minutes prior. The student's name was not Luigi) "Hold on I'm gonna be Oprah: YOU GET A CALCULATOR, YOU GET A CALCULATOR!" "Y'know ***** still needs one." "F R I C K" *girl walks into a desk* "There's a desk there ****." "I KNOW fuck OFF" "I feel like we need to warn her about everything when she walks." "Watch out for life, ****." "Can we do it on paper?" (T) "No, this is not Burger King." *leaving the room* "Remember, cocaine is not your friend. I'll kick your ass." (T) "Wow! It's Good Friday, and you're talking about your baptism and stuff like that, and you said 'oh my fricking god'? For shame." (T) "I'm on a lot of drugs and alcohol right now and I can't feel anything." "Oh my GOD USE A YARDSTICK" "No." "MR. ******** I'M GONNA HURT HER" "Gonna stab her with the yardstick?" "I need bail money." "I need money PERIOD." "DRAW. A STRAIGHT.  L I N E." "NO, FUCK YOU" "You know you're gay when it takes you 3 tries to draw a straight line." "DON'T TAKE MY JOKE" "You definitely know you're gay if it still isn't straight after 3 tries." (T) "What would you do if someone came into your neighborhood?" "Who's neighborhood? Mr. Rodger's?" "I have 15 pets." "I have 13 siblings, does that count?" "No but it does mean that your parents need to learn how to use a fucking condom." "Hi my name is J. Michael Tater Tot welcome to the Dairy Dome." "Dyslexia? I thought you said...cannibalistic tendencies." "What?" "I couldn't think of anything that rhymed." "You need to flex seal your anus closed." "If you don't fucking shut up I will shave off your eyebrows using my toenail as a razor you cunt." "Sippy Cup looks depressed." "Sippy Cup, you going through some shit?" "Hit or Miss, I guess they never miss, huh? You got a boyfriend-" "Yep." "I bet he doesn't kiss ya!" "Haha nope." "Ew I look like Casper." (T) "...and we're going to write a paragraph." "Oh you're FUNNY." "I think I'm switch. Like, I'm good with being sub, but I'd like to dominate my bitch too. Like F.B.I get on the ground open your legs." "Ms. ******* that's really bright-" (T) "YOU'RE bright." Video: *talking about how important this song is to them* (T) "I don't care stop talking." "I peed on the desk again." "Key word: AGAIN???" "You should send ****** and I to get them." "That is a HORRIBLE idea." "What do you mean it's a horrible idea? You don't know me!" "What do you mean 'I don't know you?' We have gone to school together for almost 4 years." (T) "Look, I know you're obsessed with me, GET TO WORK." "He's harassing me." "You harassed me first. It's not harassment if you do it in self-defense." "You can have the benefit of my middle finger." "It's the progression of the climb of the rocket." (T) "Oh my GOOODDDD JUST SAY IT LIKE A NORMAL HUMAN BEING" "Fine. The speed." (T) "ExACTLY." "Oh look a firetruck's outside." "Whee whoo whee whoo- oh my god you're serious. Oh god it's (crappy fire department) jesus christ." "I think we need to potty train our classmates again." "AGAIN???" "Well, yeah. They're supposed to be." "'Supposed to' and 'are' are two different things." "Mr. **** can I put mascara on you?" (T) "No." "Whyyyyy?" (T) "Do I look like a Barbie doll?" (T) "Mascara girl is the one who's talking." "You act like I don't have a name!!!" "Do you?" "What the hell are you doing?" "It makes your eyelashes look nicer." "Yeah; easy, breezy, beautiful: Covergirl. Get with the program." "James Charles is QUAKING." "Sister shook." "Give me my paper." "Bitch I'm gluing my fingers together, I didn't fucking take it." "Do you have a charger?" "No, but I have a notebook full of English notes." "I don't have any round characters, all of mine are gay and sad."

BONUS 2: BIRTHDAY

"I'm sorry I don't have anything for you for your birthday all I have is Reese's and duct tape." "Wait it's your birthday??? HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO-" "NO STOP SHE DOESN'T WANT THAT" "Thank you." "You're welcome." (T) "Pay attention my dudes." *collective groaning from entire class* "*asking for tampons*" (T) "*holding a marker* I can throw another red one at you." "I don't get it. *sudden realization*" (T) "***** pick your jaw up off the floor, I was joking." "I'm tired of the word 'domain'." "Oh yeahhhh me too, cause we hear it a lot in physics now." "Domain, domain, domain; I hate it." "I'm in a domain of hating myself." "I'm joking, I love you." "I'm not joking, but I love you too anyways." "**** don't lose your Crocs again." (T) "Get that earbud out of your ear." "No, this is keeping me sane." "Why is my name 'desire'??? I put it as 'pee pee poo poo'!"

NORMAL SCHOOL

"I've finally done a fraction! I flipped it over, turned it around, smacked its ass and had it call me daddy." "PARDON???" "What?" (in Physics talking about electricity) "Ok positive top, negative bottom-" "ME?" "He said you can't learn if you burn but you do learn. You learn fire is hot. Also the sensation of being burned alive as you are consumed by flames." "*shows Thanos smut* Spoilers for Endgame that no one asked for." "Legend has it that if you work at the Dairy Dome, you get free tickets to Domegame." Have a marvelous Monday, a Terrific Tuesday, a Wonderful Wednesday, a...Thesis Thursday. I couldn't think of anything." "You look like a frog." (T) "And you look like a squid." "Someone today said I looked like a drug dealer magician. Would you like *sweeps off hat* MARIJUANA??? Or...*pretends to pull something out of hat* COKE??? Perhaps some *flourishes* *whispers* acid???" "I'm gonna Detroit Smash him to hell." "LGBT, let's get this bread." "My hero academia as in Aizawa can shove my ass up his head- wait hold on" "*talking about Ariel* She's hot but that doesn't excuse the fact that she put her entire species in jeopardy for some dick." (T) "Does anyone not have medicine in their bag that ******* cannot have while I look down at the floor because I dropped my pen?" (T) "*reaches for paper*" "Ah ah **** no swipin'." *in science class* "Nothing's happening but I saw that bitch SPARK and I'm terrified." "I'm basically teacher today, your assignment is to do nothing. YOU get an A." "SHUT UP MOTHERFUCKER I'LL EAT YOUR ANUS THEY DON'T CALL ME RECTUMUS PRIME FOR NOTHING" "EXCUSE ME" "What was the word again?" "David Hasselhoff?" "What, no???" "This is why you shouldn't scratch yourself, here." "*instantly shoves necklace in mouth*" "I wouldn't use that as a chew fidget, I got it off the ground in Louisiana." "*chews even more aggressively*" (T) "Don't mess with me I will throw something at you, I played softball for 14 years." "Really???" (T) "Yeah. I was the captain biatch." "James Charles looks like the dragon from Shrek." "***'s touching my wenis." "Gay fantasies don't really matter." "Yeah, I mean, did you see the way that Tony and Cap looked at each other in Endgame?" "When he was, a young boy, his father, took him to the dark lord, to kill the principalofawizardachool" "He said son when, you grow up, will you b-" "HE SAID WILL YOU, GETSHANKEDINABATHROOM-" "Watch out: I have peanut butter and a knife!" (T) "All you need is at least a 60% to pass the test-" "BOI I GET 40S AND 30S IN YOUR CLASS AND YOU KNOW IT" (T) "So you used to go to (other school name)?" "Yeah. But people growling and barking at me was a little much." (T) "Were they furries?" "Dude, tornadoes in Kansas are no joke." "But you go to Oz." "THERE AIN'T NO YELLOW BRICK ROAD AFTER A TORNADO" "Uh, yeah! Yellow brick road to HEAVEN." "Toto isn't god” "You awakened something you didn't want to awaken." "Is it god??? Is it Totoro? Remember to pay your taxes or Hong Kong will come eat you." "Today's weather is cloudy with a chance of rectal prolapse." (T) "Who's at the door?" "It's ***." (T) "Who's ***?" "***. Your student." (T) "*opens door* Who are you?" "I'm nobody." "Who is commander in chief of the military? My  p e n i s" "Are those grandma shoes??? Can I  e a t  them???" "She sounds like a fetus screaming for extra guac at Chik-Fil-A." "WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN" "*singing the Boku No Pico theme off-key in a loli voice*" "I will hit you." "I'd feel bad for you but you have a 69% and that causes you to get a D and I can't look that over." "Do you ever wonder where babies come from? Cause I don't. All you have to do is pee into a lady's Digornio." "rePEAT THAT??" "Don't forget to degrade your dog." "Imagine a world: where you have 2 fetuses hanging from your eyebrow."

BONUS 3: GIANT, END-OF-THE-YEAR CIVICS TEST

"Why the fuck is Christmas a national holiday???" (T) "Ok, the president during WWII was...Roose-" "-A PARKS" (T) "Are you even paying attention?" (T) "What happened on September 11th, 2001?" "9/11!" (T) "We're gonna need you to be a little more specific, buddy." (T) "What's a state that borders Canada?" "I deadass was about to say Arizona, I need sleep." "WHAT is your name?" "*****." "WHAT is your quest?" "To clap the best pussy out there." "*through laughter* What is your favorite color?" "The color of the next pussy I'm gonna crunch." "I got a Voltage from the ROTC room, and I dropped it and someone said 'OOH', picked it up and yeeted with it." "WHAT THE FUCK I'D SHIT ON THEIR HOUSE" "Can we play a song after our presentation?" (T) "As long as it's not like 20 minutes like an Allman Brothers song." "Huh?" (T) "You know how when you have an acid trip, people tell you to listen to the Allman Brothers?" "..." (T) "I'm old." (T) "If this eye starts drooping, there was something in the brownie." (T) "*teaching us Piccolo Mini*" "You just made me feel dyslexic." "YOU GUYS WANNA KNOW THE TEA??? I'M THE REAL HOE" *applause from class* "BITCH WE BEEN KNEW" "*unintelligible*" (T) "What?" "*still unintelligible*" (T) "I still didn't hear you." "You talk like your handwriting." "I WILL THROW THIS CROC AT YOU" "I will literally pay a dollar for one." "I will literally eat these." "Petunia is not a phone." "Electronic device, then." "She's not an electronic device, I gave birth to her." (T) "**** that's the whitest you've ever sounded." "My dingaling is messed up." "Mine too." (T) "Ok so say you wanted aides-" "I DON'T WANT AIDS WHAT THE HELL" (T) "IN THE CLASSROOM. CLASSROOM AIDES. HELPERS. "Can we talk while doing this?" (T) "No, this isn't Burger King." "What is your obsession with Burger King????" "HE'S SPRAYING IT DOWN. HE'S SPRAYING IT DOWN. HE'S PUTTING THE WHITE NECTAR ON THE RAMEN SINK" "Have you ever seen a 14 year old looking badass?" "Have you ever seen a beaver chomping down on a carrot? Cause I wanna see that." "I don't wanna go to Papa Louie's Arcade, Papa Louie can pop a cap in your ass." "Micheal does a Thanos Snap in season 14." "Cas, I don't feel so good." "NO" "Your Crocs are in sport mode." "My cock is hard." "THAT IS NOT WHAT I SAID" "It's ok lil diglett I'm gonna evolve you." (T) "Stop it." "I'm gonna evolve you it's fine, you're weak but you're gonna get better. *throws stress ball at teacher*" (T) "******* looks like Ted Bundy" (T) "He's falling asleep. Hey, ****, are you sad you can't have an abortion?" "What???" (T) "If you don't like high school relationships, who's that guy you keep making out with in the hallway?" "*pointing at random places on the map in the civics classroom, threatening to deport each other to random places*" "You're jiggling my titties." "*half the class is singing I Write Sins Not Tragedies*" "I love you!" "Shut it, I'm doing a presentation." "I love you!!" "Stop." "I love you!!!" "God damnit, *******, I'm gonna hit you." (T) "If you drop any f-bombs during the presentation, I'm gonna kill you." "Bottom, take the apple." "I'm not black, I'm O.J." "Balls. That was the word." "HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET 'BALLS' FROM 'THE BUCKS ARE WINNING THE FINALS'??" "Who's this? Tom? No I don't wanna streak with you. Stranger danger." "Why is it called Field Day if it's only 2 periods?" (AP) "I- That's actually a good question." "ALRIGHT THIS IS WHAT WE NEED TO DO-" "*gets literally kissing distance from him* *salutes* Yes sir?" "We're playing cornhole." "Stop laughing, how is cornhole inappropriate?" "Mr. **** this is the type of yardstick that could take your kneecaps. Do you want me to take yours?" (T) "I'd like to see you try." "Is that Ratatouille?" "Ratatouille isn't the rat. That's Remy, you insolent fuck." "I'm gonna call you the 'G' word." "What's the 'G' word?" "Jew." "That's…porny." "...send it to me." "Where you going?" "To hell." "WHY" "*shrugs* Seems fun." "You see, this is why I need to work with you. I'm your insurance."

BONUS 4: FIELD DAY

(T) "Are you part 1 or part 2?" "Uh…" (T) "Top line or bottom line?" "Bottom- no, top- uhhhhh…" "He looks like a top." "I still don't understand why we fucking dropped Bohemian Rhapsody for a song from fucking  T W I L I G H T." (T) "*throws a marker at the Assistant Principal*" *various cheers and "OHHHHHH"s from the class* (AP) "Are you actually serious." Not a quote but in the 2nd to last week of school, we spent almost the entirety of 4th period Algebra (including the teacher — he started it) throwing dry-erase markers at each other and didn't even stop when the AP (seen above) came in. (T) "*walks through the middle of the room*" "FIRE" *8 people pelt markers at him* "Wait you guys realize he's gonna throw all of those back, right?" "I have a D I'm hanging on the edge my dudes." "I did a math? I did a math!!!" "You did meth?" "YES!!!" "*gets head shoved out of window* OW! FUCK, ****** MY TIT" "You exude strong Kenny energy." "Why?" "Cause you die a lot? Cause your heart was replaced with a baked potato? Cause your family's poor?" "*laughing so hard we can't breathe*" "*leaves the cafeteria to calm down from laughing too hard*" "I'm having elementary school flashbacks." "Shut your social justice warrior ass up." "You ok?" "I stabbed myself." "Sorry, only girls get it. Also, this is my last customer today." "Hold on, if it's only girls, why does HE get it?" "Hi." "OH SHIT YOU'RE A GIRL MY BAD"

NORMAL SCHOOL

“Did I just witness a drug deal?” "Why do you look like a dad?" "I need some weed in my system again, I'm fucking drained." "There's a fucking big-ass run in my tights — I'm gonna eat my own ass and then some." "Hi I'm ***** and Mr. **** can suck my 13 inch dong. My Long John Silver." "This ignorant pickle of a person can die." "This cashew of a long dong. Cashews look like telephones." "A shirt says Mr. **** can suck my magnum horse, my stallion." "His mom should've fucking swallowed." "Spit his ass in a Dixie cup." "I will tattoo my eyes shut." "I'm talking about this mongoose man that's called Mr. ****." "Can you speak some Spanish?" "Hola, como estas, sugma." "Sugma?" "Suck my fuckin' balls lmao" "It's your sugar daddy. *shows picture of Andrew Jackson*" "It's Mr. **** as a woman." "That's fucking Christopher Columbus." "*howling laughter*" "I was just thinking 'have it stop raining so that I don't have to walk in it', but then I remembered I have work today so it should keep pouring. The more the sky cries, the less I cry. Unless I'm on drive." "Excuse me sir, *raises leg* my penis has fallen off." "I pray you get AIDS." (T) "Please throw away your sheet music, it's illegal to copy sheet music and I don't wanna go to jail." "*loud smack* I am so sorry, I didn't mean it to be that loud! Come here baby boy, let me give you the sweet taste of my mother milk." "It's not mother anymore, it's daddy now." "Dude what if you were born with a set of words that if said, would implode your testicles." "Bomb go boom, Mormons go extinct." "MR. **** YOU TOOK OUR NOODS" "DON'T TAKE THE NOODS" "NOT THE NOODS!!!" "****, I thought you were Catholic." "The pencil's black." "Like my ass-cheeks." "Someone stole it!!!!" "Like ****'s virginity."

BONUS 5: WATCHING INSIDIOUS (FOR SOME FUCKING REASON)

*kid falls off ladder* *various banshee screeches from students* "They're kissing AGAIN. This movie is NOT appropriate." "I'm hearding weeeesssst~ I don't know what to dooooo~ " That's not how you make a superpowered baby. You kill the mother and put her on the ceiling." "Wait, pause. What the hell?" "F.B.I, open up." "IT'S DALTON." "PUT A CHAIR ON THE DAMN DOOR" "HOW WOULD A CHAIR WORK AGAINST THE DEMON" "He's in a deep sleep. Wake him up with true love's kiss." "It's a pedo-demon! Everyone run!" "He's cheating on her." "What if this was linked to Supernatural?" "Ooh she's echoing now." "My legs are shaking bruh." "Is that blood on the window?" "No, it's a tree." "SMACK THE CHILD"

NORMAL SCHOOL

"I figured out why I'm so quiet today." "Oh, really?" "Yeah, *shows trembling hands* I'm on vibrate." "I can't wait to go to church."

BONUS 6: LAST DAY OF SCHOOL

"The first thing I ate when I came to this country, it was in the airport and it was Doritos." (T) "They gave me the shortest teachers' gown they had. I have a baby gown." "That isn't a happy little bush." "IT'S. TREE." "Hello ladies, *winks* *blows kiss*" "I'm GAY." *I Will Survive playing really loudly* "******* you're not in our friend group so get the FUCK OUT." "Now I can swear! FUCK Y'ALL BITCHES I'M GOING TO EAT YOUR KNEECAPS" "Oh shit it's an end of the year fight!" Four kids got into a fight at the same time and one got tazed."

[thecreativeangel]

aut neca aut necare: V

Peter Parker x Fem!Reader

*Please don’t plagiarize my work, thank you :3*

Summary: Peter outright refuses to talk to you at the moment. His girlfriend, on the other hand, won’t leave you alone. 

Warnings: Abuse? Idk man everything’s going to shit

Words: 1.7k

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“No Michelle, I can’t have her drive me to the conference!” you argued, mashing the phone into your ear. “‘Cause she’s busy, alright? I’ll have to miss this one.”

“Absolutely not,” MJ clipped back. “You already missed the last two and morale is low. Liz specifically told us morale was important before she left, I know she’s right and so do you. It’s my responsibility to-”

“To keep the team busy and happy,” you repeated for the millionth time, getting up to dump a small mountain of candy wrappers into the trash. “Yeah, yeah I know. Can you keep your voice down please? Please?”

She clicked her tongue. “Finally got yourself in detention?”

“Of course not!” you snapped, plopping back down. “Like I’d ever let myself get detention. I’ve gotta stay after to do some extra credit work for English, since my last essay was ‘bad’. ”

You could almost hear her squint through the phone. “What do you mean by...bad?”

“I don’t know,” you said miserably, staring at the folders of homework that were beginning to pile up on your desk. You rubbed the bridge of your nose before speaking. “I’m usually good at this shit, now I’m not. Fuckin’ go figure, I guess.”

“So that’s a definite no for decathlon?” MJ asked.

You hummed in response, ducking when an iPhone was thrown across the room like a football. A group of guys in the corner guffawed, but one of them had the decency to mouth “sorry”. You rolled your eyes. “I wish I could but...”

“But your mom’s too busy to drive you,” she finished dejectedly, then sighed. “Why’s she been so damn stubborn lately? Is she giving you a hard time again? My parents could talk to her if that would help.”

“No,” you said quickly. “No, no it’s fine. I can go to the next one, she promised.”

MJ was skeptical, you could tell. “Mhmm, why don’t you ride the bus with the team? It only costs a few bucks.”

“I’m busy MJ,” you deflected. Which wasn’t a total lie. The stack of due-tomorrow papers and “small” projects was growing higher with each class. And then there was the ever looming threat posed by some group of arms dealers talking to an alien (a fucking alien! Like Thor!) So yeah, you were busy. “If I get all this done by the end of the month I promise I’ll go to the next meeting.”

Michelle was quiet for a bit. “Okay. But if you leave me like Parker did last year-”

“By all means, you can kill me yourself,” two sets of footsteps entered Ms. Baker’s crowded room. You glanced up out of boredom in time to see a brunette boy whirl around, march back out of the classroom and slam the door behind him. Your heartbeat spiked sharply, blocking out what MJ was saying over the phone. Oh no…

“MJ I’ve got to be very quiet now,” you whispered urgently.

"What? Why? (YN) - "

You hung up.

Kimberly shrugged at Peter’s antics and strode the the empty teacher’s desk as if she hadn’t seen you. You kept your eyes glued to the desk as she rummaged through Ms. Baker’s files. Reaching with shaky hands for a pencil, you slid a random paper in front of you and read it all the way through, not retaining a word. Then you read it again. And again, until the soft clink of her flats on the floor started again. She was leaving.

“Hey.”

You hadn’t realized how strong your grip was on the pencil…

Until it snapped in half.

“Wuh-” you said stupidly. “Heeey. Hello.”

Kimberly cocked her head at the desk next to you. “Can I sit down?”

“Uh…” you dropped the snapped mechanical pencil into your backpack, fully aware of the giant voice crack you just experienced. Like, a “Ned talking to cute girl” level voice crack. And dammit, you cursed at yourself. That pencil was expensive. “S-sure.”

“I was going to study here with Peter, but he pretty much refused to come inside,” your gaze darted away from her, only making her eyebrows rise farther up her forehead. “Seemed kind of mad. You guys have a fight?”

You made the mistake of looking her in the face. “No.”

“Really?” she flicked a decorative cactus pin on her bag. “So why’s he so mad at you?”

You opened your mouth and closed it, repeated this at least three times. Her eyes shone with the same repressed anger as they had when she identified you while on patrol with Spidey. That time she shot at you? Remember that fun night? Anyway, she managed to give you a deadpan stare all while adjusting the straps on her bag. “Reasons,” you answered simply.

“Okay, don’t lie,” she leaned in with a knowing look. “Something happened, and he’s been hanging out with me a ton more than you lately. Did you hurt him?”

You couldn’t look at her without imagining a loaded gun pointed at your skull so how was she talking so casually? “I...don’t have to tell you. I’m not required to tell you. Does that answer the question?”

“Nope,” she said calmly. “It makes you look like an asshole, though.”

“No offense, really, but it’s none of your business-and I don’t know what he’s told you and-”

“A lot,” Kim said. Your eye twitched.

“Well t-then you know what I d-did,” you’d begun to stutter. Badly. “So how m-much was he snitched about?”

She shrugged her shoulders and gave her (Korean? You couldn’t see from your angle) flag pin one final flick. “Well, not that much. You’re sarcastic, or so I’m told. Nice enough, but you got very violent when that one guy bullied Michelle,” she looked up from her bag. “Oh! You’re nosy.”

Your leg bounced up and down as if it were spasming. So your best friend was talking ‘bout you behind your back. Well, part of your brain blamed him, and the other part still replayed the “dead parent” exchange every night before bed. And yes, you didn’t get much sleep these days. “Peter said I’m nosy?”

“No, but you can’t seem to get off my family’s ass,” Kim scoffed. “So I just assumed. What- am I wrong?”

“Y-yes,” you cleared your throat. “Yes. Very wrong. Sorry, but I’m not the one who’s smuggling weapons.”

She glanced around her to make sure no one heard and looked back at you with stony brown eyes. The group of idiots in the corner were still loud enough to mask the conversation, a herd of girls gathered around their friend were giggling. Ms. Baker still wasn’t back.

“I don’t think you understand my circumstances, hon,” she hissed, a tense smile stretching over her features. You saw a single boy in the corner, peering at the two of you from behind a small book but he’d looked away when Kim smiled. “You think Midtown is cheap? Think my dad wants to endanger our family for the freaks who buy his shit?”

You shook you head frantically. Her story sounded all to familiar. “I wouldn’t have known if it weren’t dangerous. The guy you’re selling them to-”

“Pays well,” she clipped. “Doesn’t matter who he is or where he’s from- he pays us generously. In the long run it’s more than we could ever give back.”

“You have no idea what he’ll do with them,” you whispered fiercely. “He disappears after you talk to him and that’s just okay to you? That man-”

She laughed bitterly. “He’s not a man and you know that.”

“He- he’s…” your breathing was becoming laboured, an oncoming panic attack. “And you don’t see anything, I don’t know- wrong with that? What th-”

Kim latched onto your wrist, making the wind leave your lungs. “Did you think it was wrong to leave my mother in that building?” she asked quietly, scraping her nails down your skin. Hot tears brimmed your lower lashes and you clenched your teeth to stop the screech that bubbled in your throat. Thum-thump...thum-thump...

Still you nodded; yes.

“So you’re admitting it was a mistake on your part?” she smiled kindly. Her thumb delicately traced the protruding veins on your wrist (thum-thump!) Once again, you nodded hastily. What else were you to do, scream? And for who? The jackasses who threw someone’s phone? The bitches who were currently showing off their hickeys? The single, lonely, creepy guy and his copy of Animal Farm?

“But you still left her there,” she said sadly. The nail of her thumb pressed dangerously on your central vein, the heartbeat growing weaker and somehow louder in your head. A nauseating, throbbing pulse echoed in your ears. Thum-thump!

She dug her nail into the vein. Thum-thump! Thum-thump! Thum-thump!

“I wish it was different,” Kim murmured. You were startled by her suddenly glassy orbs. “If you’d saved her, maybe dad would’ve stopped selling those things. He used to only sell guns, y’know? But that was never enough money...”

Thum-thump! Thum-thu--

She threw your aching arm away. “Whoops- forgot about that.”

You cradled the wrist close to your chest, watching her with feral eyes and ragged breathing. Kim had the gall to pat your other arm sympathetically, ignoring the way your body flinched. “You won’t tell anyone about this, will you?” she asked, blinking innocently.

“What if I d-do?”

You’d rather drown in the Hudson than hear her answer that.

Thankfully, she never does. Kimberly’s full lips curled up in a half smile, half snarl. You don’t get an reply, though you don’t really need one. Truth was, if this “buyer” was as powerful as he seemed, there was no limit to what he could do. Kim knew this all too well. She stood up, steadied her bag on one shoulder and practically bounced away.

Her flats clicked merrily with each step.

AN: Holy fucking shit it’s been 5 months god damn shit fuck fuck sorry?

Tags: @4-a-m, @miss-glitch, @runs-with-sciss0rs, @lubrielx, @kaitlynthehuman, @b-lyn-k, @hotsocke, @therealwatermelon, @shipping-the-unsinkable-ship, @vivideley, @rosieredcheeks, @everythingthatisrandom, @mcheung0314, @spiderdudeparker, @lou-la-lou

[piperemerald]

I Don’t Hate You

I have commissions open for anyone who wants more Ereri! 

Fandom: Attack on Titan

Paring: Ereri

Word Count: 4,475

Summary: When Levi’s link started he was fifteen and pissed off at love. When Eren’s started he was eight and barely understood soulmates, much less why his was inking his skin with insults. As they grew older, the writing became a game. They both knew that they were never going to ride off into the sunset together, even if Levi secretly wished he could turn back time and be the soulmate Eren deserved.

Levi hated the feeling of regret. He hated how actions a younger and more foolish version of himself could tie him to a life he didn’t want. He hated that he had been the one to screw himself over and there wasn’t anything he could do about it.

It started when he was fifteen and not ready for his life to be dictated by drawings on his arms. He had the wonderful example of his parents who had met a few months after their connection started, and split up a few years after having him. Around him were starry-eyed teenagers who thought that meeting whoever they were meant for was the only purpose of their lives.

Fifteen hadn’t been a good year for him. Undiagnosed depression and aggravation that he didn’t know how to direct made something ugly inside of him. He should have been more careful about how it came out, but when careless marks coated his hands one day he didn’t stop himself from marking back in spite.

Eren knew he was abnormal. If he was being completely honest with himself, he’d known that far before the connection started. He’d known it when he was a toddler and the only other kids who wanted to play with him were his adopted sister and the kid who lived next door. Still, it was easier to blame fate and bad luck.

He was eight when he was confused why there were words on his arms in a handwriting that didn’t match his own. His classmates found out what soulmates where through whimsical stories, his mother explained it to him with poorly viewed concern as she covered the crude words stained to his skin.

It took a year for him to begin to challenge the words with drawings and uneven shapes. That irritated his soulmate and gave Eren a stubborn sense of satisfaction. It became a game.

For a while no one else knew. His parents pointedly didn’t talk about the drawings and comments that covered him, while Mikasa and Armin watched him trace sloppy lines. It was almost fun. Eren started getting a kick out of the peeved insults and enjoyed thinking of new things to poorly draw.

Then there was the day he’d needed to wear a beanie to school to cover the words he couldn’t wipe off his face. Hats weren’t allowed in class, and it took less than a minute for his teacher to demand he take it off. She hadn’t liked him. She thought he was too loud.

He didn’t remember the other kids staring at him when he revealed the “fuck off” scrawled across his forehead. He just remembered the burning anger when he interrupted his teachers speech about language to shout that he hadn’t written it, his soulmate had. She was nicer to him after that. His peers weren’t.

Armin said it was because they were jealous. Eren didn’t understand why they would be, but no one listens to the freak’s side of the story. He pretended it didn’t bother him, and continued to stain his skin in defiance.

There were never words back. Levi went years without knowing what his soulmate’s handwriting really looked like, or if he could actually draw when he wasn’t just trying to be a pain in the ass. He watched the people around him fall in love with the other half of their connection and tried to block out the twist in his gut.

He didn’t want that, and he wasn’t allowed to suddenly decide that he did.

He didn’t date in high school. He was too busy trying to maintain good enough grades to earn a scholarships while working his part-time job. The closest thing he got to romance was crossing out the ugly flowers on his arms.

College was different. The random hookups he brought back to his dorm didn’t seem to care about the drawings and insults on his arms. He tangled with others who either thought romance was foolish or were saving their hearts for whoever was at the end of their connection. That kept things simple.

He made a mistake with Erwin.

“Why do you hate them?”

The question wasn’t posed innocently. Levi knew that it had been on Erwin’s mind the second that he saw him shirtless, but had thought he had the decency not to ask it. Now as they laid on Levi’s too small and stiff bed Levi didn’t have clothes to hide everything he’d inked on himself.

“I don’t.” Levi didn’t talk about this. He’d gone six years without anyone to talk about it with. That made it easier to burry away emotions.

“Then why do you do this?” Erwin’s fingers traced the latest string of cruel words that ran up Levi’s forearm.

“It’s just something I do,” Levi muttered. It was a game, and it wasn’t like his soulmate didn’t retaliate in their own way.

“You don’t think it hurts them,” Erwin started. “To know that the one person who’s supposed to love them unconditionally hates them?”

“I don’t hate them,” Levi muttered.

“How do they know that?” Erwin asked.

“Shut up,” Levi rolled over. “I’m going to sleep. Either stay or get lost. I don’t care.”

Erwin laughed, but didn’t leave the bed until the morning.

Levi had thought that would be the end of that, but Erwin wasn’t like the other guys he’d messed around with. For some reason, he’d decided to pull Levi into his circle of friends. He didn’t make him talk about his soulmate, but he sent knowing looks every so often. Levi pretended that he didn’t like having someone looking out for him. He pretended that he didn’t know that Erwin was right.

Time glossed by easily. Levi let Erwin drag him into his start up company only because he knew that once they were out of school it would be a lot harder to keep their friendship alive. He’d gotten a little too used to Erwin looking out for him.

The success came as a surprise. He went from hiding the ink with old worn jackets to masking scribbled flowers with expensive suits. He learned what it felt like to have money, to not worry about the years to come. By the age of twenty-eight he was co-CEO of a successful company and living in a penthouse.

It was the comfort that let his thoughts catch up to him.

Eren didn’t necessarily want to be a receptionist. He didn’t necessarily think he was going to get the job in the first place, but somehow he hadn’t completely failed the interview and his practically bare resume wasn’t as pathetic as he thought it was. This wasn’t where he thought he was going to be a month after earning his undergrad, but after his father refused to finically support him if he didn’t go to medical school, Eren wasn’t left with many options.

His sister was in a different state, and his best friend was barely getting by as is. Eren needed to grow up.

Levi didn’t necessarily want to introduce himself to the receptionist Hanji had hired. He honestly doubted he’d ever have to speak to the kid, since his day to day rarely involved interacting with his co-workers. That was Erwin’s forte.

But after listening to her nagging for what felt like an hour, Levi gave in and left his office to talk to the boy sitting at their front desk. He was younger than they usually hired, especially for a corporate position. Levi would blame Hanji for that much.

The boy was focused on filling out some form that Levi doubted required as much attention as he was giving it. New hires were usually like this. It would take a few weeks for him to relax.

Levi coughed.

“Shit.” The pen the boy had been holding nearly fell out of his hand, he scrabbled to catch it.

“You alright?” Levi raised an eyebrow.

“Oh yeah, sorry. I just—” He looked at the mark across his hand. Levi resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Who reacts that strongly to dropping a pen? “Do you need anything?”

“No,” Levi said a little too pointedly. “Hanji said I should tell you who I am so you don’t get intimidated when I do need something.”

“Okay,” the boy looked unsure what to say now. “Hi. I’m Eren.”

Levi nodded, not feeling the need to introduce himself formally. Eren clearly knew who he was. He probably wouldn’t look this on edge if he didn’t. His gaze dropped to the files piled on the desk that Eren was probably planning to put away once he’d finished the form Levi had interrupted him from.

“Those are out of order,” Levi observed.

“No they’re—” Eren glanced at the files. “Shit.”

“You have no idea what you’re doing,” Levi realized.

“It’s my first day,” Eren stammered in his defense.

It was only then that Levi took in how the boy’s worn collard shirt hung to his frame and the beginnings of circles under his bright green eyes. This was a pity hire. He should have figured that much from Hanji. The rest of the office was going to eat this kid alive.

“She didn’t show you how to organize shit?” Levi asked.

Eren shook his head.

“Okay,” Levi let out a sigh. He had better things to do today. “Let me see it.”

“You don’t have to,” Eren started.

“Contrary to popular belief I’m not the most irritable person here,” Levi told him flatly. “Either I show you how to do stuff now or you get yelled at later.”

“Thank you,” Eren smiled at him.

“Shut up and pay attention,” Levi said pointedly.

He spent the next half an hour explaining how to organize the office to Eren. Despite being clearly in over his head, the boy picked up pretty quickly. It was only when he got back to his office that Levi noticed the line running across his hand and realized that he was screwed.

Eren stayed five hours later than he had to, but decided that it was better if he left knowing what he was doing. He knew he wasn’t qualified for the job, and now his boss did too. The least Eren could do was prove that he could work hard. He’d always been good at working hard, even when he hated the work.

When he finally stepped into the elevator he didn’t expect the person who he pretty much owed his survival that day to be there as well. Eren didn’t see why the man who ran the company needed to stay so late, but he figured it wasn’t his place to ask.

“Thanks again for earlier,” Eren said to fill the silence if anything.

“Just do your job,” Levi Ackerman said curtly. He was looking at his phone.

“I will,” Eren uttered. He’d never felt so small in the presence of someone so physically smaller than himself. It was weird. “So, you’re the one who started all of this, right?”

“If by all of this you mean the company, I guess,” Levi said dryly. “It was mainly Erwin, but he lets me take credit for some of it.”

The elevator stopped at the level of the parking lot. Levi moved to exit it, but turned back to Eren before he stepped over the exit.

“You’re not getting out?” He asked.

“I didn’t park in the building,” Eren said.

“You seriously parked on the street?” Levi made a disapproving face.

“I don’t have a car,” Eren blurted. “I take the subway. It’s cheeper.”

Because this guy couldn’t already tell how hopelessly poor he was. Eren mentally smacked himself.

“It’s late,” Levi commented.

“I’m careful,” Eren assured him.

Something that Eren couldn’t read passed through the eyes of the man in front of him.

“Come on,” he said after only a moment. “I’ll give you a ride.”

Eren blinked at him.

“You don’t know where I live,” he sputtered.

“I figured you’d tell me that part in the car,” Levi said dryly. He turned to leave the elevator. Eren followed him into the parking lot.

“Why are you being nice to me?” He asked only when they’d reached the car.

He watched Levi narrow his eyes. He could see the question behind that. Eren knew how the world worked. People didn’t just hand out favors. Eren’s own father had refused to do that much for him. There wasn’t much someone like him could do for someone like Levi. In fact there was only really one thing, and Eren was fairly certain Levi knew that much.

“I told you,” Levi said casually. “I’m not as much of an ass as people think.”

So did that mean that he was just being kind? He wasn’t about to make a move on Eren, he was just a good person. That didn’t feel right. People weren’t just nice to Eren. He didn’t put out enough good karma to get any in return. He wasn’t like Armin or his sister.

“Yeah,” Eren met his eyes. "But why me?”

Levi sighed. He was annoyed. Eren once again wanted to smack himself.

“You seem out of luck,” Levi said in a softer, more careful voice. “I’m just trying to help.”

“No offense, sir, but I don’t want your pity.” Eren stated plainly.

“Don’t call me sir,” Levi winced. “You’re what, five years younger than me?”

“Seven,” Eren corrected. “I’m twenty-one. I did some research on the company before the interview. There’s a lot of articles about you.”

“Most of them are lies,” Levi opened the door to his car and slid into the drivers seat.  

“Right.” Eren got into the car as well.  He’d made his point, if Levi was still going to do him the favor he wasn’t really in the position to say no. Plus, it was late and he hated taking the subway at night. “I’m not out of luck. I’m just not where I wanna be right now. It’s not a big deal.”

“Saving up for school?” Levi asked as he pulled out of the reserved parking stall.

“You could say that.” Eren hadn’t thought about what he was going to do once he had enough money to stop worrying about starving or being out on the streets. “My dad, he doesn’t want to pay for anything that’s not medical school so...”

He shouldn’t have said that.

“He sounds like a piece of shit,” Levi said bluntly.

“He is.” Eren let out a laugh before he could stop himself.

He didn’t think that it was going to become a routine. He thought that Levi Ackerman was being charitable to him on his first day and that was going to be it. When his boss caught him in the elevator the next night, Eren didn’t know what to think.

Despite what most believed, Levi had never been good at handling confrontation. At a young age he had concluded that it was easiest for him just to avoid it altogether. He was fully aware of how unhealthy this solution was, but he had never been good at taking care of himself either.

Avoidance had been his plan when he realized that his new receptionist was the person he’d been verbally berating for years. When Levi was being completely honest with himself, he did feel guilty, he felt extremely guilty, and seeing Eren only made him feel worse.

This kid was vibrant and bright and Levi knew that he had to hate him. He just had to resent what a terrible soulmate Levi was.

Levi left the office on Eren’s first day planning to avoid speaking to him as much as possible. Hopefully the boy would find a better job at some point and leave his life without ever realizing that Levi was the person who had let him down so much. Then Levi saw him in the elevator.

He couldn’t just let his soulmate take the subway home at night. The station wasn’t exactly in a nice neighborhood and Levi knew full well that all it took was one person for something terrible to happen. He couldn’t stop himself from helping. He couldn’t stop himself from getting involved.

“It’s so hot today,” Eren complained.

“You’re wearing a giant coat, of course it’s hot,” Levi commented dryly. “You can take it off, it’s not like we’re in the office.”

“Right,” Eren uttered.

He needed to go clothes shopping now that he actually had money. All of his decent shirts were from his first few years of college, and that was back when he didn’t care who saw the stupid drawings and insults on his arms. Now they felt childish and unprofessional.

“It’s nothing,” he glanced down at the writing. “My soulmate hates me. We like to mess with each other.”

“That sucks,” Levi was still looking at his arm. “That they hate you, I mean.”

“It’s not that bad,” Eren said quickly. He didn’t know what to do with the thoughtful look in Levi’s eyes. They’d done such a good job of avoiding serious conversations so far. “I think it’s more entertaining than sappy love poems. That’s what my best friend’s soulmate does. It’s really cheesy.”

“That’s what Erwin did at one point,” Levi chuckled. “Don’t tell him I told you that.”

“I won’t,” Eren promised.

“Do you hate them back?” Levi probably thought that was a simple question. It wasn’t. Eren had spent too long wondering how he actually felt about the person on the other end of his connection.

"I feel bad for them,” he said after a moment. There wasn’t any point in not being honest. Part of him was pretty sure Levi would be able to see through him anyway. “Getting stuck with me and all.”

“You shouldn’t,” Levi’s voice was darker now. “They’re lucky.”

“Lucky that I spend every free second annoying them,” Eren scoffed. “It’s not even because I want to anymore, I just don’t know how to not. It’s not like I can casually write my number and hope they call it. They’ll probably just laugh at me.”

“You want to meet them?” Levi asked.

“Yeah,” Eren admitted. “I mean, I don’t expect to ride off into the sunset or anything, but it’s hard to date someone when you have these constant reminders that you’re supposed to be with someone else.”

“So if you met them, you wouldn’t be mad at them?” Levi was giving him a look that Eren didn’t understand. “For all the insults.”

“Not really.” Eren shrugged. “Like I said, it’s a game. I don’t think they actually mean them. What about you?”

“What?” Levi seemed almost startled.  

“Did you meet yours yet?” Eren asked.

“No,” Levi uttered. “I don’t think I will.”

“That sucks,” Eren hummed.

“I’m sure he can do a lot better than me,” Levi muttered.

“He?”

“I just kinda of assumed it’s a he,” Levi said sheepishly. “It sounds bad.”

“No, I get it,” Eren nodded. “I think mine is a he too. He’s probably really smart, he has that kind of handwriting, you know.”

“That’s whimsical of you,” Levi mused.

“Yeah,” Eren hummed. “Might as well be, since we’ll probably just end up bickering when we do meet. Or he’ll be disappointed.”

“You’re very down on yourself today,” Levi commented.

“Who wants their soulmate to be some kid with no ambitions who care barely afford his rent?” Eren said back.

“More people than you’d realize.” Levi didn’t sound like he was just saying this to make Eren feel better, but Eren didn’t get why else he would.

“Sure,” he mumbled. .

"He’ll like you,” Levi told him. “I promise.”

“Thanks for saying that.” Eren smiled at him, and wasn’t able to ignore how warm he felt when Levi smiled back.

Levi was in too deep, and he didn’t know how to get himself out.

“If he tried to find you, what would you do?” Levi asked one day, before he was able to stop himself. They hadn’t talked about soulmates since the car ride Eren had taken off his jacket, but questions like these had been on the tip of Levi’s tongue ever since. He just wasn’t sure if he wanted the answers.

“I don’t know,” Eren hummed.

“You wouldn’t want to meet him then?” Levi questioned.

“I thought I did,” Eren was looking at his hands.

“Right,” Levi nodded, trying to swallow the burn those words left him with. Eren knew he could do better. That was good, wasn’t it?

“It’s just,” Eren stated. “I think I want to be with someone else.”

“That makes sense,” Levi tried to keep disappointment from his voice. This was fair. This was better.

It didn’t matter that Levi realized too late that he was an asshole and hated being alone. It didn’t matter that he probably would have cared about Eren whether of not he’d realized they were soulmates. It didn’t matter that Eren had no idea that he held Levi’s heart in his hands—that he had since the beginning.

“Not because of the insults or anything,” Eren added. “It’s…”

“There’s someone else,” Levi realized.

“Yeah,” Eren gave a small nod.

Why did that hurt so much worse?

“Your friend?” Levi asked.

“Armin? God no,” Eren let out a laugh. “He’s like my brother.”

“It’s fine to not be with your soulmate,” Levi knew Eren needed to hear this from someone, and for some Goddamn reason the kid did still respect him. “Not enough people realize that, but it is.”

“I don’t think he feels the same way,” Eren sighed.

“I doubt that,” Levi said dryly.

“What?” Eren blinked at him.

“You’re a catch, kid,” Levi informed him.

“I’m not a kid,” Eren muttered.  “I know I don’t have a shot with him. That’s what sucks. It’s like I don’t want to be happy. The second I let myself think that maybe my soulmate might want me I start falling for someone I can’t have.”

“Did he say you couldn’t have him?” Levi asked. He tried to imagine anyone turning Eren down.

“No,” Eren admitted.

“Go for it,” Levi all but instructed. “Trust me.”

Of all the ways for the closest thing they’d had to a moment to be shattered the car behind them crashing into the back of Levi’s car was not what he would have imagined.

The vehicle surged forward. Levi felt a sharp pain as his arm collided with this side of the wheel. He heard the screech of the car that had smashed into them speeding away.

“Fuck!”

Levi could not believe this was happening. Quickly he served them to the side of the road. He didn’t need to see his car to know there had to be a huge dent. He really wasn’t in the mood for this.

“Are you okay?” He turned to Eren.

“Yeah.” Eren looked out of breath and thoroughly freaked out, but there didn’t seem to be any damage. “Your arm—”

“It’s nothing,” Levi brushed off. He tried to ignore the pain, and assess the situation. Him loosing his shit wasn’t going to do them any good. “God-fucking-dammit. Did you see the license plate?”

“No,” Eren shook his head. The car that hit them was long gone, and Levi doubted that the traffic cams had clear enough footage for it to be tracked down.

“I hate this city,” Levi groaned.

“Levi, your arm—” There was too much concern in Eren’s voice.

“It’s nothing,” Levi said again.

“Your bleeding,” Eren reached forward.

“Don’t—”

Levi tried to pull away, but he was too late. Eren’s gentle hands had already pushed back his sleeve, revealing a sloppily drawn flower on his wrist the Eren had to recognize.

For a second, he didn’t react. It was only when Levi had pulled the sleeve over the drawing that the shock began to spread over Eren’s face. Levi watched him mentally rewrite everything that had happened since they first met. He watched whatever trust he had managed to gain dissolve.

“Eren, I—”

“I have to go,” Eren unbuckled his seatbelt. He pulled the bag at his feet onto his lap.

“We’re miles away from your apartment,” Levi reminded him.

“I’ll take a cab,” Eren opened the door.

“Please, just let me explain,” Levi begged.

“No.”

The next day Levi was informed by Hanji that Eren had quit his job. He knew that this was his fault, that he’d asked for this the moment he’d written that first insult, but that didn’t make him feel any less empty.

Eren didn’t know what kind of reaction to expect when he showed up outside of the building he used to work at a week after the car accident. He knew someone would see him and tell Levi. He just hoped that would be enough to get Levi to come outside. He didn’t want to write for him to on his arm. That didn’t feel right.

“What are you doing here?” Levi was good at concealing his emotions—Eren knew this too well—but right now he was wide open. Eren could see surprise and hope in his eyes. That made him smile despite himself.

“I don’t hate you,” Eren told him.

“Okay?” Levi gave him a quizzical look.

“Do you hate me?” Eren asked.

“No,” Levi shook his head.

“You could have said something,” Eren exhaled.

He knew that Levi had to have reasons, but that didn’t mean that keeping him in the dark was okay. If it had been anyone other than Levi, Eren knew he would have been a lot angrier. But he couldn’t find it in him to fight with Levi. He just wanted them to be on the same page and figure out where to go from there.

“After years of being an ass?” Levi scoffed.

“I said it didn’t bother me,” Eren reminded him.

“It bothers me,” Levi said strongly. Eren felt something inside him relax. That was all he needed to hear.

“Do you want to go out on a date with me?” He asked.

“Really?” Levi blinked at him. Dumbfounded was a new look for Levi. Eren liked it.  

“We could start over,” Eren suggested.

"I’d like that,” Levi smiled at him.

“Me too,” Eren said.

“What about the other guy?” Levi suddenly asked. The guarded fear on his face made Eren want to laugh.

“He’s you,” Eren told him.

“What?”

“Yeah,” he nodded.

“You asked me for advice about having feelings for me?” Levi shook his head.

“I’m an idiot,” Eren admitted.

“You are,” Levi laughed. “A date sounds nice, one condition, though.”

“What?”

“Come back to work,” Levi took a step closer to him. “You need to pay your rent, idiot.”

“Does that mean we get to make out in your office?” Eren asked cheekily.

“Shut up,” Levi uttered before pressing his lips to Eren’s.

[narutospork-blog]

Naruto Episode 1 (Part 1)

Episode Review:

We start Naruto like how much most series do with exposition. Oh, how we love exposition. I am not going to rant too much on this as most series do start with exposition. Avatar the Last Air bender opening Theme was a little over 40 seconds of exposition and it told us everything we need to know.

There are benders and there is an Avatar who can control all elements but he disappeared long ago when the world needed him most. There was a map of the world giving us understanding of how the world was bit. We understood there was war and Aanga is the Avatar and the adventure we are about to watch is him growing and becoming “the Avatar” and stopping the war. It is something that catches your interest right way.

My issue with Naruto’s exposition is well it kind of starts explaining the world then stops.

Like yo there is a demon he is destroying everything, this all happened twelve years ago, yo.

-A shot of the Kyubi “destroying Konoha”-

In the words of our “Narrator” he explains that the Kyuubi was “Crushing Mountains and creating tidal waves”

Before you think I am nitpicking this I am just going to point out. Konoha is nestled in the mountain I don’t remember ever seeing an ocean near Konoha. How is Kyuubi creating Tidal Waves? With the River? I did a little study on that and they are called tidal bore. So the Kyuubi is making imaginary tidal waves.

I will give Naruto credit as in the first episode it does look like the Kyuubi is attacking just a much of leaves in mountain but I blame it more on the budget than anything else. I know in later episodes it is drawn with him destroying the village. But I will point out I don’t feel anything as the of the plot so far and everything that was shown as not led me to feel much of anything.

–shot of a few ninjas who look like they are throwing poke balls-

I will acknowledge that they are throwing Kunia but look at the pose and the way he threw it is like he is throwing pokeballs and my favorite line at the moment. +

“Hold the Attack, Wait for the Fourth Hokage”

Thumb up Their Ass: 1 (This is what it sounds like. Whenever the main character, the village or an important character sits and does nothing because they are waiting for someone else to do it or an easy solution they get a count. This is going to be a high count I feel)

In the world of Naruto the Village Hidden in the Leaves   does what it does best in having their fingers up their ass. I will rant about this more in later episodes but as of now. Just sit with your fingers up your ass Konoha and wait for orders.

We continue the story on and see the fourth with a giant toad. We really don’t see the fourth just maybe that he has blond hair. And sacrificed his life and the words they use “A human body”

What?!  So not only did the Kage sacrifice himself but a human body as well. Not only that a baby. SPOLIER ALERT HE SACRFICED HIS OWN SON!!!!!!!!!!!! What if didn’t work out. Like demon was like this Jutsu is weak and breaks out. Then what? More Spoiler Alert we are a young readers just getting into Naruto. We have yet to learn who the Fourth Hokage is and that he is well Naruto’s father. The idea of putting a deadly demon inside a random child just seems cruel. No, this won’t get a Super Saiyan ranted about this enough.

We see the picture of the sacrificially lamb I mean baby Naruto.

Our next shot is of Naruto running around the village while trained…I repeat trained Ninja’s are chasing him. Keep in mind Naruto is not Ninja yet, he is not out smarting one ninja but four- five of them. They are just having a hard time getting him.

Naruto You Asshole: 1 (This is for every time your Naruto does something asshole like  )

It seems like Naruto the “Prankster” is vandalizing the president’s  the Hokages heads and just disrespecting the great leaders of the village.

First off Naruto wasn’t that creative.  I don’t get what point he is trying to make but when I first watched this I though Naruto just didn’t care and was just saying “F.U” to the village leaders. I mean he drew shit one of their faces. When I was little I used to draw a big pile of shit on people or things I hated. How wrong was I.

Any way Naruto decides to speak and I can’t help but love the words he elegantly tells the Ninja’s chasing him. They are “losers/wanna bes” and “they don’t have the guts to do what I did?”

Just leaving this here…not trying to prove a point or anything like that.

My question remains as to what? Vandalism? I don’t know Naruto, doing something doesn’t take guts but a lack of brain power. Is that the joke? Be an asshole, cause inconvenience to others by vandalisms. Because it missed the joke as a child and I am sure a lot of others did as well. What Naruto just did was wrong and disrespectful.

Naruto You Asshole: 2

We continue on and it is just me or does Naruto sound like an old lady? Well that is because he is voiced by an old lady Maile Flanagan https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maile_Flanagan. It is kind of easy to tell the moment Naruto opens his mouth and talks.

We jump from the Ninja’s chasing Naruto to two ninja’s tattling to the Kage. Yes I am using tattling because seriously he is only twelve years old. Why the fuck are you guys having a hard time catching him. Plus it also sounds like they are just whining.

The phrase they use at 1:20 “Lord Hokage we have an emergency!” The great and powerful Hokage’s answer is, “I hope you are not bothering me with something trivia, and don’t tell me it is Naruto, again,” Of course these great ninja’s do answer in their whiniest voice possible. “It is Naruto….”

I am going to agree with the Hokage, god damn you whiny ninjas do you bother him for everything Naruto does. I mean yeah I agree vandalism is a criminal offence but we don’t go calling the FBI or even president for something like that.

Thumb up Their Ass: 3

This gets two counts one because they had to bother the leader of the village. I mean they probably would bother the Kage if he was shitter. Two because Naruto vandalized four huge faces before someone took notice that Naruto was doing something to the great stone faces. If they respected the stone faces so much why did it take so long for them to notice?

This wasn’t a five-minute art project you give to a kid. This must of took all morning or something as he had to jump from face to face with different color paint in hand.

But if you put 1:34-1:36 on a loop it looks like they are dancing. I would say to the background music but really are dancing to techno.

We jump back to the same five buildings once again.  And Naruto is jumping from building to building and two ninjas are chasing after him and of course shouting his name in the most dramatic way possible.

We then have a confusing scene:

he jumps down okay we see that. And notice he has nothing in his hand just the paint bucket. 

here we see him jumping to the left of the screen. He is running. He clearly isn’t in that spot no more.

We get a second of this same spot. Meaning the Ninja’s are good distance away but they could see him and stuff

here they are they jump to the left of the screen to chase after Naruto. 

Then we get this. What is this? What is going on here?

Bam Naruto!!! My first question is how? How did he out smart a couple of ninja’s chasing after him? Two, where did the paint bucket go and where did that invisibility cloak come from. Did he steal it from Harry Potter? Harry is going to need to need that back you know fighting the dark lord and all. I can already sense a few of you are coming up with answers. No, he can’t use a clone jutsu because it was stated not even five minutes in this episode it is his worse jutsu, he can’t do it all. Don’t answer it is a cartoon, I don’t care if it is cartoon logic still has to work.

“I was the turkey”: 3

This gets the count because it is Kishi thinking he is being cleaver and going bam plot twist. He tricked the Ninja’s chasing him. He also tricked you isn’t that cleaver. Again Kishi if you want a cleaver plot twist here.

Black hole of Doom: 3

I don’t think I need to point out as to why this gets a count but I will. It doesn’t make sense plus it never gets explained how Naruto managed to jump from away from the screen to appearing in the middle. But seriously I want to know more about the “invisibility cloak” like is there mass production of them but it only works at a certain spot. How did he even get his hands on it?

Naruto reveals that he was the turkey and laughs. Or what is supposed to be a laugh and says, “That was too easy,”

Thumb up Their Ass: 4

You know that was too easy, I would I hate see what the village would be like during a crises situation.

-Whistles as she puts the picture away-

Dolphin man stands behind Naruto and I guess surprises him and Naruto does this weird sound effect but also defeats the laws of gravity and kind of just floats in the air for five seconds and it follows with cartoon sound effects. And Iruka is just watching while one of Newton’s law is being tested. And follows Naruto as he falls to the ground and Naruto manages to twist his body to face Iruka and so he could land on his butt.

This scene is memorizing I had to watch it a few times just to make sure what I heard and watched was correct. It was just so off putting.

Naruto ask in an accusing voice “Where did you come from Iruka-sensei? What are you doing here?”  Well you see Naruto when two people really love one another…. But really Iruka is a sensei (teacher) and really what is he doing outside of the classroom.

Iruka points, “No, what are you doing here? Your supposed to be in class,” as he points an accusing finger. No, really Iruka what are you doing here? Don’ t you have a class to teach. I don’t know much about the school in the Narutoverse but I always assumed Iruka was the one in charge of Naruto’s class so really what is he doing?  I guess we could say he chased Naruto during his lunch break.

We cut to our next scene of the classroom Let’s see who else failed exam all the characters.

Starting from the bottom left to right, we have bitchy one Ino, the one always eating because that is the joke Choji, cliché female Hinata, dog boy Kiba, the “smart” one Shikamaru and the one everyone forgets Shino. Two important characters,  Sasugay Sasuke, Bella Swan Sakura, Can you guess which character is important…psst it is the one with colors.

We get great exposition

How Naruto “failed the graduation test, last time, and the time before that” and how “tomorrow how /he/ has another chance”

Show don’t tell: 1 (Naruto is never complete unless Kishi is telling us what is going on. Kishi doesn’t depend on his readers to find out or let the conversation flow naturally no. We need a big all exposition dump. After all we as his readers are as dumb as his character )

Um…excuse me Iruka do you see the class before you? They are all Naruto’s age. I don’t get how this school works. I wish I did but for now I will point it out. If Naruto failed his graduation test so did all this kids sitting in Iruka’s classroom.

Black hole of Doom: 4

A count just for the damn school system that ever makes sense; It just leaves the readers more confused. Seriously I still cannot make sense of the school.

Naruto is like…so whatever man. 2:25 This Irks dolphins man so much he makes a cartoon sound effect. Seriously what is with the cartoon sound effects? I normally associates these sounds with American cartoons, not something at will later show blood and you know what add breast to it too. He punishes everyone because even he is confused by the sound he made as well and now “everyone will review the transformation Jutsu”

There is the beautiful because you hear the children groan and we get this weird PowerPoint flip transition. Again it is so off putting.

But we get to my and Kishi’s favorite character of the series Sakura Haruno or as I well like to call her the Bella Swan of the Naruto world. I will explain as I continue on reviewing this series but take note. Sakura only pay attentions to the hot emo guy. Bella’s only focus on was on the hot emo boy.

Any way Bella says her name and transforms into Iruka. Iruka praises her. Bella the strong independent woman we know she is turns to Sasugay and brags. If this was another series I wouldn’t care but as this is Naruto and Sakura and I know Sakura’s ending to me this is basically saying. “I as a woman will acknowledge my accomplishment if my man approves,” you think I am exaggerating. Haha, no it comes again in the very same season where Sakura is praised by Kakashi for controlling her Chakra and bashes Sasuke and Naruto and Sakura’s reaction is to protect Sasugay.  But I will get to that but this does start a new count can anyone guess what it is?

Stupid Girl: 1 (Sings: Baby if I act like that maybe he will me back. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BR4yQFZK9YM Normal voice: This is based off P!nk’s song stupid girl. If anybody listened to the song it is basically talking about girls that have no dream or ambition but to act stupid and get guys number)

And another point here

You sexist, asshole: 1 (Kishi is sexist and I am going to prove to everyone every time he does something sexist with his female characters. “But their clothes aren’t falling off and the girls don’t show a lot of skin, so he can’t be sexist,” Wrong it is the action of the female characters that make Kishi sexist.)

Iruka calls “Sasuke Ue-chiha”  Sasuke Ue-chiha turns into Iruka not at all impressing Iruka as he just kind stared at Sasuke Ue-chiha saying “good.” I am going to take a random guess and Sasuke Ue-chiha is the cool emo boy that every girl wants to date.

I mean look at his slumped shoulders, and I don’t care expression and his hands in his pockets.  –Waves hand in front of her face- So cool, he is the bad boy every girl wishes to date no wonder why Bella Swan likes him and people ship them together. Hopefully he doesn’t try to kill her in later episodes.

I don’t know about you fangirls but that screams romance to me.

Iruka calls Naruto next and we get well just a couple of characters pissed off Naruto.

Shikamaru voices all our thoughts we have at the moment in of the show. Not even three minutes in, “Naruto, this a total waste of time,” why yes Shikamaru it is, I don’t know about you guys but I love it when shows are self-aware. Yes, everything about Naruto is a waste of time but we still do it anyway.  We get Ino giving us more exposition. “We always pay for your screw up,”

Naruto You Asshole: 3

No Naruto the trouble maker he is just answers with “Like I care” I have an issue with this as well. Again in the hands of another author I wouldn’t have a huge ass problem with the trouble maker who has a hard time making friends and screwing things over but, with Kishi it ends up being a problem for me. We are supposed to like Naruto and later on in this episode sympathize with this character who everyone one hates. The issue comes is Naruto is always fucking up and causing problems for his classmate and just being a huge dick about it. What Naruto does is play into people’s emotions, we don’t feel sorry for Naruto because we like him. We feel sorry Naruto because Naruto wants sympathy. There is no build up.

Naruto You Asshole:4            

Hand Holding: 1 (This should be pretty self-explanatory but I will explain it. Oh the Irony of this comment. Kishi has a tendency of holding his readers hands when we are watching/reading Naruto. He basically just in the end repeats what we already know into our head just to make sure we get the idea. This is different from Show don’t tell as hand holding is Kishi is walking with us in the story. Show don’t tell is Kishi just writing shit but not showing it.)

This gets a count because we already know Naruto is a screw up. I can hear some fans saying “But this establishes character for Shikamaru and Ino” . –Sigh- No it does not, you could basically replace these characters in this scene with dish soup and bucket, we would still get the point.

I forgot to add a point to this, because before Naruto was asshole to Iruka as well, which led to the punishment of the classroom.

Naruto You Asshole: 5

Keep in mind, we are supposed to like this character. Just bear in mind we are supposed to like all these characters. This is going to be a long series.

Oh, by the way fans we are about three minutes in and we got the names of our “main characters” (I use the term lightly as most of you reading this know why) but you should forget about them because they don’t appear for another two episodes.

We meet our Dandere character, Hinata Hyuuga I dislike her too. I dislike her a lot, I dislike most of Kishi’s females. I wish they would have a personality of their own away from the lead males. But us vagina people we only think of love. And yes Kishi did say that not from his mouth but Kakashi’s you will see when I get to that episode. Stupid vagina people.

As Hinata wishes Naruto “to do his best” I can’t help but wonder about this guy

what his story he looks so happy while everyone looks pissed. Did his friend say something funny? I wish I could no more about him.

Anyway back to the story we expect Naruto be all series as he suddenly has blue light around him. (I know it is chakra but as a newbie watching this this wouldn’t know).We get Kishi’s version of fan service. Kishi is really stretching the bar to get his female fans, naked woman who really is a twelve-year-old boy, a love struck tween. 

Naruto turns in a sexy female with boobs, hips and curves, he/she whatever we call it at the time looks “sexy”. The sad part is his female form more personality than any of Kishi’s vagina people. -Rolls eyes- She is fan service for nine-year-old boys, he/she uses her body to get what she wants.

You sexist, asshole: 2

The creepy thing is Iruka gets turned on, aroused. I am going to remind everyone Naruto is a twelve-year-old boy.  It is obvious it is a jutsu and that it is Naruto as Naruto’s sexy form

He still has his damn face mark.  On another note for an artist who claims he can’t draw females and that is why Sakura looks the way she does he drew a fucking sexualized version of female Naruto not even five minutes in.  I know this is the anime and someone else probably drew the picture but I will mention this, this episode is a plot based off the first chapter and it is alike in a lot of ways including this seen.

Iruka has a nosebleed (cause that is normal) because clearly he doesn’t get enough action if he gets turned on by that. I am creeped out a bit I will remind everyone Naruto is a twelve-year-old boy turned into a naked female and Iruka got turned on.

Kishi has a fetish and I don’t want to know any more than that.

Naruto turns back to normal and Naruto is laughing because an adult male getting turned on by that is normal. No seriously it is normal, the hokage, turend on by it, Kakashi, Yamato other male characters. I really hope this Jutsu dies off and is never used for anything important and ruins the emotion of the last arc.

We pan out the longest still frame ever, of staring in front of the school. I could have made coffee in that time. It pans to the hokages faces and we see Naruto mumbling while cleaning the faces of the hokage how much it stinks.

Dolphin man is like “you aren’t leaving till you cleaning all the faces”

And Naruto is like, “So what it is not like anybody is waiting home for me,”

Show don’t tell: 2

This gets a count because Kishi is telling us Naruto doesn’t have a family. In case all of you missed it Naruto doesn’t have a family. No one is waiting for him he doesn’t have a family, I am surprised Kishi didn’t straight up tell us Naruto is an orphan. This could have been easily summarized in scene and showed more emotion to Naruto coming home to an empty house and having dinner by himself. It is a cliché yes but it isn’t like Kishi himself is very creative from the start and isn’t a bad cliché it shows us that Naruto doesn’t have a family. I need to rant about this, but I will rant about in chapter three.

World’s tiniest Violin:2

Just so you know you are too feel sorry for Naruto he doesn’t have a family. If it wasn’t clear enough he doesn’t have a family or anybody waiting for him. We see Iruka deep in thought or as deep in thought Naruto characters before inviting Naruto for some ramen ‘the good stuff’.

So I get the point of telling Naruto he has to clean the faces of the hokage’s faces. He “disrespected” the leaders. But to reward the child after the mistake by treating him for some ramen, seems counter protective.  Sure Naruto had to clean the faces of the hokage’s faces he just graffitied, that no one noticed till he hit the last face. But he will get rewarded with some ramen.

This of course excites Naruto who says what a great motivator this is. And cut the kage’s faces and finally we see the title card of episode. Four minutes in and thirty seconds and I am not sure why it took so long. Nothing of real importance happened in these four minutes.

[thehiddensemicolon]

Kacchako fanfic: New Prey Chapter 20

The seniors just finished the banquet dinner and now some wanted to go hit the dance floor. "Oh my geeshes guys! We should totally go dance now! Come on Kirishima!" Ashido said. (TBH I loved her in the recent BNHA manga, the brake dancing scene) "Yeah everyone come on! let's all do a Class dance mob " Kirishima said. Some of the others were hyped up and were lining up to request for songs from their DJ (Present Mic) "Tch no way am I doing stupid shit with them. Who would want to huh Ochako?" He said. With no reply. Better yet she wasn't even by him. He looked around until he saw her cheering on the idea of a class 1A dance. "Of fucking course she would be into shit like this." He sighed. The class was all debating on what they should do as a class. "Huh????? What is this? Class A thinks they are the better dancers than Class B? That's so funny I almost forgot to laugh? Hey Everyone! The A CLASS THINKS THERE BETTER THAN US? Maybe we should put them in their place and whip the smirks of their face!" Monoma said. Class A was just wondering why he thought they were on rival terms or why this was a sudden competition. "Whoa whoa bro calm down. We just want to show our manly dancing spirits as a whole class before we graduate. There doesn't have to be a competition." Kirishima said. "Right this shouldn't be a competition on who is the better class... THIS SHOULD BE A COMPETITION ON WHAT CLASS HAS THE MOST MANLINESS SPIRIT!" Tetsutetsu declared. The next thing you know all the classes began planning their dances. "Oh yeah! No quirks allowed!" Midnight said. The students wondered why the teachers suddenly claimed any interest in this. And now supposedly they were the judges. "How did this come into a competition. Isn't this supposed to be prom?" Momo said. "Ribbit. When it comes to this school, even something as normal as Prom will be different for us." Tsuyu said. "And then we should the running man when the song is almost done." Kaminari was rambling. The class took notes and eagerly agreed. Bakugou grabbed Ochakos hand signaling they should leave, but instead was tugged into the crowd by her. "What's the matter Katsuki? Scared you won't be the best dancer?" She muttered. She always knew how to push his ego. The next thing that happened was Bakugou taking over as leader and giving his own commands on what is to be used in the dance off. After about twenty mins. Some of the classes began doing their dance stunt with a song of their choice. (I will let you all as the readers imagine all the dancing and songs they chose) After laughing,tripping, and being dog piled on, the seniors had a good time with their competition. Present mic was jamming it up in the room with various different types of songs. The classes eventually got in the moment and joined together having fun. Kaminari, Sero, and Kirishima made a comment that Bakugou's dancing was lame (because they wanted mess with him) and he angrily showed them up by showing off a couple moves. They all wondered if there was anything this guy was bad at doing. Uraraka was dancing with her buddies Deku and Iida. She was twirling Iida and then they all goofed off randoming square dancing with each other. Ashido, Momo, Jirou, and Tsuyu tried to get Shouto and Tokoyami to loosen up and have fun dancing. Shouto was trying to mimic the girls dancing moves and ended up saying "Oh!" Whenever he replicated it. Aoyama twirled his way and posed so elegantly and sparkling in the middle of the group. Shouto tried to mimic Aoyama moves and the girls cheered for him. Jirou and present mic began having a debate on which song was better for slow dancing. Both were hard headed and eventually Aizawa ended the argument telling present mic that this is the students prom so they get to choose the songs. Jirou smirked with confidence. Along the way, Kirishima Kaminari and sero dragged Bakugou with Dekus group (who was still laughing and square dancing, despite the song choices.) Bakugou saw Uraraka dancing with Iida and then Deku (which ruled him up) he walked up to the back of Deku and reached out his arm to grab the nerds shoulder to get his attention. Uraraka saw this and immediately hooked Bakugou's arm with her own and made him apart of their square dancing thing they had going on. The boys joined up and they began switching partners. In which Bakugou was mad about and  secretly threatened the guys to not enjoy dancing with Uraraka or that he will explode them in the face In which Kaminari became Uraraka's new dance partner and forced a sad face when dancing with her. Then sero was next in line dancing with her and shut his eyes the entire time and ended up face planting on the floor. Kirishima was the dare devil and laughed and smiled when he started dancing with Uraraka. In response Bakugou said let's take this outside to Kirishima, but Iida said he wouldn't allow such an action (he overheard because he was Bakugou's current square dancing partner) Uraraka wanted to avoid any trouble and switched partners with Iida and became Bakugou's partner again. The song changed into a slow dancing song (the one Jirou won present mic over) The couples began to find their partners and head to the dance floor. Some people were off to the sides or were staring at other people (in hopes they could dance with them) Bakugou brought Uraraka to the middle of the dance floor (because they were the best so they had to be the center of attention) She hooked her hands on his shoulders and he gripped her waist. And slow danced to the song. They both looked at each other the entire time. "You look really handsome in a suit Katsuki. I hope to see you in them more often." Uraraka mentioned. "Psh wouldn't that be nice for you." He responded. Unsure on what to say, he decided to comment on her dress. "My shithead parents seem to be good at one thing, they made your dress look great on you. You should wear more often. It's a badass color." He said. "Right I love this dress. I will tell them thanks when I see them again." She said. "Oh and who said you are going to see them again?" He said. "Oh well your mom and I text every now and then. Am sure we will plan something soon." She giggled. "What you two text? And you enjoy it? Who in the fucking world can handle my mom." He grunts. "Well I do. Come on it's not like I won't be seeing them ever again. Remember we are still dating and I plan to be together. So of course I should get to know them silly. You should do the same, my parents will enjoy getting to know you. I know I did!" She smiled. He felt a sting hit his chest. He suddenly remembers what her dad said when he asked him for his daughters hand. The rejected answer that left his lips. Bakugou looked down. But quickly wipe the look off his face and pretended that nothing bothered him. "Hey what's wrong?" She asked. "Nothing." He said. She knew something was wrong. But chose to address this another time. She knew he wouldn't talk in front of people. "Well this was a fun night. I can't believe we are graduating. And so soon too! Next week is when we decide on the hero agency we want to work at or when we find out if any company wants us! Isn't that exciting!" She said. "Fuck yeah it is. After a couple years with those companies. Am going to start my own! And create the best hero agency ever!" Bakugou said. "Oh wow really? You want to start your own? I never knew that! Well I think that's an awesome idea! If anyone could do it, its you!" She said. Her words comforted him. She always said she believed in him. Made him feel like whatever happens to him, there is always someone that has his back. He gripped her tighter and she placed her head on his shoulders. "So I was thinking... after we graduate let's get an apartment together." She asked. He wasn't expecting that question. Apart of him keeps thinking about her dad. He gulped. He than remembered his promise to himself. That he wouldn't stop until her dad says yes. He was going to prove to him that he is the guy for her. "Yeah why the hell not. Let's do it." He said. "Yay! Am glad you agreed. I'll be able to have your cooking all the time now!" She smirked. "Psh. Whatever." He said. He started thinking of a plan to teach her how to cook. Cause he would be dammed if he was the only cook in the house. A/N I honestly enjoy it whenever a reader send me messages with suggestion. Or just to say hi. I don't bite. Feel free to post a review. Am not too familiar with Hero Agencies. What do you guys think? What hero agency do their join? Should they work or the same one? Or be in different agencies. Next Chapter: the students take an evaluation test to show up their skills to be recruited in agencies.

[tinaaatino]

Acid Trip

Last weekend Z and T and their friend A J and I made a bonfire and candy flipped. This candy flipping is a new thing for me, they do it here in San Diego. You take an acid plus a molly. Or an ecstasy. I’ll never know the difference. 

I guess I was expecting more of an intense molly trip but it was simply a bit of molly feeling at the beginning and then a little bit of LSD visuals and then I fucking figured something out about myself and I cried for 5 hours. 

I would say it is one of the most beautiful and life understanding trips I’ve ever had (only three on LSD so far, another 4 mushroom trips). It’s absolutely a step up from taking acid with Jimmy at Mono, or that one jungle bar I threw up at.

A part of me feels so high building these connections between what life has shown me and grown inside of me and what the acid shows me and subsequently what my therapy shows me. I try not to think of it as elitism but I’m screaming in my head right now like, “Don’t you see!!!!!!” it feels like I’m the only person that is paying attention to this. So the other part of me kind of wants to tell the hungry for connections to take a chill pill, because no one really cares. Either they don’t care at all, or they already know all of this and so they just look at me like, duh. 

Am I this stupid? Am I this young of a soul?

Let’s start there. The idea that I’m a new soul came to me many years by someone calling me such. I subsequently used it to describe myself, and on last weekend’s trip as I was explaining this to A J, he said it’s because I’m inquisitive. Imagine I’m a new soul, and life is an experience that the consciousness chooses to partake in, you can even go as far as to believe Elon Musk’s sayings that we’re living in a simulation. It seems very plausible to me that, yes, machines achieved consciousness, and they’ve (or the Gods, or Buddha, or whatever) created this organic, biological simulation, humans, we reproduce constantly, we’re better than rabbits but we are essentially living in this experiment. And consciousness is, in fact, this “no-thing and everything” as described by my therapy book AND by psychonaut illustrations. 

Our physical language does not have a word for what consciousness is because it transcends time and space and it does not have a beginning and an end, thus it is not a “thing” but a no - thing or also every thing, which is what something is if it is not a thing. The opposite of a thing. Is a nothing, or an everything. But in fact it could be something, simply we don’t have a word for it because we don’t have the physical capacity to understand an object, or a thing, that transcends time and space. Because in death we lose the ability to communicate between one being and the being who has left their physical body (but we’re not really sure). This is very typical of the limits of language. You see it across cultures, Ikagai, Chill, Apapachar (Japanese, English, Spanish) not only in their vocabulary but how language shapes the way we see the world because it is shaped by the world around us. For example, a Chicagoan would never say “I went to the snow” it’s like WTF are you talking about? But in SoCal we GO to the snow. Or how the Eskimo have hundreds of different words for snow, to you or to me, the 97 other words for snow you don’t know would be meaningless to you since you have never seen or experienced them. 

So this consciousness, imagine the machines decided to build this simulation in order to experience what life was like. It might beg the question that, well couldn’t we be the OG life that created the machines? I would say no because of the pyramids but maybe? This idea of “experiencing life” runs parallel to the teachings of the Mormon Church, and I assume, most of the rest of Christianity, that we were “given” these physical bodies such that we may have “eternal life” but “consciousness” or our souls, existed before this world and these physical bodies. And there is an existence to come beyond the physical world that we know. ****** My whole argument fails if this assumption is not true ********** 

Oh fuck, in writing this I realize that maybe I’m just connecting the 18 years of Mormon brainwash to my therapy and to my acid trip? fuck.

 My Mormonism and my yoga intersect on a daily basis, every time I go to yoga it’s like I just went to mass. Today I even cried in yoga like sometimes i do at church. In yoga, we always end my hyper-commercialized Core Power Yoga class with a Namaste, holding your hands, palms facing each other, from your third eye center, the space between your eyebrows. The soul's recognition of another soul. “The light in me honors the light in you”

It is here where we swing back to the acid trip. 

I went over to Z’s house around 5PM on a Friday night. I knew we weren’t gonna party or go out ‘cause we’re all broke. We drove over to the grocery store, grabbed some beers, and as we’re driving home T brings up the idea of having a bonfire tonight. No one checked the weather and we were like fuck yeah let’s invite A J. Someone, not me, made the decision that we would pick up treats for the bonfire. 

I was expecting it to be a big ass bonfire, a bunch of drugs, people, music, alcohol. instead, only 2 people stopped by and quickly left, other than that it was just us four and the birds hanging around. It was the most, most San Diego night ever. The type of night only locals have, and the type of night that makes me feel like I belong here, both on this world and in San Diego. After picking up candy in Point Loma, we were deciding where to do our bonfire, Ocean Beach was a possibility, plenty of action around, people, Friday night, hippie town. But T said he knew a spot on Shelter Island. We drove around for a minute, asking people, trying to consult Google, but we almost gave up because we couldn’t find the pits. Finally, we found four pits, which I believe were actually the only four pits on Shelter Island. There’s a boat ramp 200 yards away. We set up our pit, started building the fire, and ate our treats. It hit Z first and then T. They were off down the beach, dancing to the music we were playing off our Bluetooth, looking at the lights of downtown. Z took me for a walk down the beach wanting a blow job but I just wasn’t there yet. It hardly felt like the molly was hitting me at all. I was sitting there on a stone staring up at the sandhill beside me as the LSD visuals started waving around at me. I started asking questions, “If we were less smart would the trip affect you different?” Answer: The conversation would be steered in another direction but it would arrive at the same conclusion. I have this beautiful memory of watching Zeo dance and stare at the fire and talk to his friends. I think that’s when I really fell in love with him.

Earlier or now, I don’t remember when or how I decided to pose the acid a question. Setting an intention was easy and natural. How can I find peace? I had done a yoga class that morning where my teacher mentioned Santosha, and described it as “contentment in suffering, finding peace in the midst of pain.” And I think that I was thinking of this regarding my anxiety, a feeling of not being able to breathe, chest tightness like my heart was about to explode out of my body, which had been flaring up the last two weeks due to my lack of sleep and just January, and life stress. 

I was sitting there at the bonfire thinking about how peaceful this moment was. The bay next to us, waves lapping up on shore, the birds squawking occasionally nearby, the boats rocking away 30 feet from shore. The cops hung out with us a few hours. They stayed in the parking lot, maybe 20 yards away. I only ever caught glimpses of their flashers, whenever we pulled out a beer or the bong, thinking they had left. We had talked about the rumor that circulated about not using pallets. The rumor is that when you use pallets for the bonfire, the nails explode. But in the discussion, it turned out that the exploding pallettes rule is only a rumor, to stop the use of nails so that when children or dogs, or homeless people are digging through the sand, they don’t impale themselves. As removing the nails from the ashes is an expensive task, and the city no longer pays for maintaining the pits. (Reminds me, I need to buy a metal magnet so this can be my community service project). It was one of those moments where everything was at peace because we were being respectful, the cops weren’t giving us shit, we were tripping balls but people tripping balls aren't belligerent assholes. Usually, the type of people that trip (hippies) tend to already be a bit more conscientious. The conversation swung back to a souls recognition of another soul. The realization one has when tripping, that everything is, that we’re all connected. And A J is this random person I just met who has a fuck ton of money and works 80 hours a week, and Z is my lover, who has a blue collar job, and T is the one who brought us together, simply because he’s friends with my friend's cousin. It just felt like this is where I was supposed to be and with these people. 

I look back on all the things I’ve written on this blog and on my sex blog and it just feels like I’m achieving something. I’m not gaining any financial wealth, but I believe I’ve achieved what I set out to do when I graduated from college, “Poursuit”. Chase. Search. 

I think what I’ve learned so far and what’s taken me 29 years on this earth to figure out is just do whatever the fuck I want and enjoy it. Enjoy all of it and enjoy the little bits of it. I remember as I was tripping wanting to feel like that all the time, dislocated from time or space, there’s no tomorrow and there was no yesterday, just today. And it’s always hard to come back from that. The post-trip blues are real, the comedown, is rough, making your way back into the real world, to get swallowed up whole by the distractions and chatter of daily life, of the woes of routine, and the rat race. When all we’ve come here to do is live, and experience, and feel pain and feel love, and feel a loss, but mostly to suffer. Whether its the machines or the Gods that made us and this world, it seems like it was important for them or for us if we chose to come here, to suffer. But why?

As I’m laying in Shavasana in my yoga class this morning, class is ending and I’ve started going back to yoga daily because I’m depressed again. Nothing out of the ordinary, I’ve gotten good at being depressed, I’ve made it this far, I just have to remember not to quit my jobs! The LSD maybe dropped me back down to earth after my latest upswing. I’m crying but I’m also so sweaty that absolutely no one can tell so I’m just trying to keep silent. I’m crying because it feels like everything in my life was meant to be. Like this is the path I chose because I wanted it, I wanted to be free and crazy and sexual and I wanted to travel, and I wanted to see “what it was like to be a regular person (working class)”. It’s like I’m legitimately a new soul, eager to experience everything about life. Whether it’s learning to scuba dive, hitch-hike, never work, work from home, it’s like I needed to try it all. But that was that time. Now it’s time to turn inward. Now it’s time to find a way for me to give of myself to this world. Like, as the drinking got progressively worse, it was meant to lead me back home, to a place where I would convince my dad to pay for a black tag yoga membership. To a place where I finally found a psychiatrist to explain my anguish. 

There have probably been bipolar people for all of humanities history. Maybe we were the ones to discover pot! (70% of bipolars use marijuana, most first use it at a very young age) Maybe our anguished existence was necessary to propel humanity forward by all the amazing connections we make?! I'm being sarcastic but also seriously believe all of this. Just in trying to understand why I’m like this. (Also to go off on a tangent, I think bipolar people and stoners evolved together. Ever since I was a child, I’ve attracted stoners to me like Anne Child attracts the crazies. Every guy I date is progressively more stoner, and it’s my favorite medication, my doctor says if it works, I should keep using it. It’s these sort of little things that make me feel like This is the Right Place. 

Today i made myself go to my volunteer group. I have a new favorite kid, this guy can only talk about trash, and he gets points for talking about anything but trash. Last week my favorite kid only asks about what the weather is going to be. She’s always worried it might be too hot or too cold to ride. I completely understand them. I know the anguish! And it makes me recognize again, that we’re all here to suffer or to face different challenges. Mormons always taught me that we’re never given a challenge we cannot overcome.

“Santosha or contentment means keeping a positive attitude in difficult times. We can choose to wallow in darkness and difficulty, or we can rise above our challenges and see them as opportunities for transformation and the discovery of immense and lasting joy. The more we choose contentment, the more we are able to grow. Here is inspiration to help us walk more cheerfully through life’s valleys as well as its peaks.”

As we begin to pack up our bonfire, I start to realize that I’m bipolar and it’s sprinkling. Since August, I would see things about me that “could be” bipolar, but at that moment I was like holy shit I’m having a manic episode. I saw it for the first time, maybe because the LSD made me come out of myself for a minute. I wasn’t being manic in that moment, I hadn’t made the decision to come out here, I hadn't gone out looking for drugs, but I hadn’t slept in weeks, I had asked my doctor for medication to sleep and realized that was out of my character, but it was when I was tripping that I saw myself. I saw my patterns. It’s been a blur since then, reading through my therapy book, coming across this mindfulness exercise where they literally have you look at your consciousness. ****** By showing you who you are, patients often have a feeling of “dying” because in a sense you are. Our language and our existence are based on the Ego. The self. The individual, establishing who you are, your boundaries, is necessary to feel satisfied. And when the ego dies, when you realize you are boundless because consciousness transcends time and space, we are all one, you and me are the same, you can accept death or suffering (how LSD and shrooms are used to treat end of life patients in accepting their end) but in the moment of this death, when I realized I wasn’t who I thought I was, it was pretty sad and I cried for a long time. I cried because I thought I’ll never travel again. I thought I’ll never do anything without questioning whether it's me or my crazy talking. I cried because of how mean I was to my sister. I cried thinking about how sad I’ve been for so many years. Like I cried for myself, I felt bad for myself. And I cried for all the people that I’ve met on the road, all the hippies, and all the bonfires, and all the stories about tripping. I guess I just connected all of it like maybe they're bipolar like me. That’s why they’re out there. I cried for us. And how fun it’s been but also how it’s been a mask we’ve put on, trying to make sense of the anguish.  

I’ll always remember my Farmer Mykal telling me I wasn’t “that lost” like the other people in Garberville. And I said to him then, like I feel now, But I am lost. And I think that’s the part that makes me cry. 

The day after the acid trip I was reading my therapy book and they talk about this ego death, which I'm reading and I'm like, yeah I know I just did acid, and then they talk about the guy who cries because he feels like he’s dying once he disassociates with his ego, they call it defusing from self-conceptualizations. 

“If I am not my thoughts, then who am I”, It was as if he were dying. And in a sense, he was. 

I think this is what the 5-hour acid trip cry was for me. I needed to let go of the old me. I’m so proud of everything I’ve done, and achieved and learned. I know I want to teach and work outside, helping people, teaching people to help themselves. I’ve traveled, I’ve fucked, I’ve been poor, I’ve been rich (for a month in Mexico once). I think I’ve gathered plenty of material and I should write a book. But now that the universe has brought me here, back to San Diego, I think it’s time for me to learn to live in the moment. The thing old souls know how to do far better than me. Just live, chill, let it in, relax.  

*****