#and the reunion scene at the end like 10 years later they both have a wife and kids now or what the fuck ever. like girl….

[oflgtfol]

while my whole blog is about DW animation right now lets address the elephant in the room. httyd is ofc very good also but like the third movie kinda ruined it for me it ruined my life and so it kinda soured the entire franchise for me like 1 and 2 are still so good but i cant fully enjoy them anymore knowing how 3 goes. its been a hot minute since i saw any of the movies (mostly because of 3. lol) so i cant give any specifics really beyond that i found 3 irritating and bad.

contrast this with kfp. so while i also find kfp3 mildly disappointing compared to 1 and 2, its still also really good its just that it couldve been Better and thats what i keep harping on. but it was still good in its own right!! unlike httyd 3 which the entire premise deeply annoys me beyond words

[mythalism]

more solavellan ending thoughts under cut

reading thru the solavellan tag and wow i am so sorry to the people who are so upset at the bittersweetness and messiness overall because i understand how upset they must feel but also im reading these posts so shocked bc idk what people expected??????? i feel like the toxicity and ambiguity of solas/mythals relationship has been clear since trespasser. we have been debating whether or not they were romantic ourselves for 10 years have we not?? i literally made a poll about our predictions about this like a month ago lmao. idk why people are so blindsided by the suggestion that they were fucked up lovers. anyway i loved mythals role in this game. she is an absolute freak and i thought it was the most nuanced and morally grey part of the entire game which was overall sorely lacking in any exploration of morality outside of solas. i enjoyed how villainous he was - again, what did you expect!? we knew he was like this. yes we saw another side of him in inquisition but we have also seen him in myth and in tevinter nights and in the masked empire, we knew what he was capable of. i was really pleased that he was villainous instead of woobified and wiped of all moral ambiguity.

i think his relationship to Mythal also added amazing depth and context to solavellan. i am seeing so many people saying that him having loved Mythal cheapens his love for solavellan which is honestly just wild. a lot of people in this world love more than one person in their life LMFAO. and she wasn’t just some ex gf SHE MADE HIM. she made him into who he is, literally is the reason he exists as he does. he owed everything to her, including his regrets. and it helps us understand why he could not abandon his path for lavellan and why he could not let her join him. to abandon his goals for her would be to betray himself the same way he betrayed himself for Mythal- and look where it got him. it destroyed the world and it destroyed him. and neither could he allow her to follow him because then he would be asking her to do the same thing Mythal asked of him. “I would follow you anywhere” he says in the memory of him taking a body. “i thought i would follow him anywhere” our inquisitor later says to rook. of course he could not let her do that, it’s what Mythal did to him.

Mythal showing up and telling him the burden wasn’t just his and that she released him literally gave me chills. the way he absolutely crumples in her presence was so devastating… and then when he’s bent over crying and lavellan gets on her knees to look up at him. INSANE. INSANE MOMENT. overall I thought their dialogue towards each other was perfect, even if the kiss felt off to me. just bad timing I think…? and bad animation? i think a hand to the cheek would’ve been better. he was literally going through it in that moment so kissing him then felt kind of wild LMFAO. I think that is my overall complaint about the scene is how quick it happens and because it’s happening at the same time as he’s having like 15 other revelations and being given therapy by 3.5 different women at the same time, their reunion doesn’t get quite enough space to breathe on it’s own. i would bet money that the people who are upset about mythals involvement would be less so if the reunion between him and the inquisitor, and the reunion between he and Mythal were two separate scenes both given their own space.

i also think it felt sudden just because we are not in our inquisitor’s head. obviously she makes it pretty clear that she wants to run off with him when you talk to her in the beginning of act 3, I also got a fun comment between her and Dorian in the final mission where he asks if she’s going back to the south after this and she says “something like that” LMFAOOO. but overall I think her just being like ok! Im coming to the fade with you pookie! would have felt more natural if it was drawn out over a longer period of time in the game. it was perfectly in character for my inky so that’s not an issue, I just think it would have been nice to see her reasons and more grappling with the decision. literally the perfect way to do this would’ve been to have her visit the lighthouse and witness his memories and old home herself and see the true extent of his sorrow and loneliness!!! but that would be a lot of work and time and money and whatever so it’s okay.

despite enjoying the ending I still feel just really anxious, I think partly because that entire end sequence was fucking insane and I’m going to be reeling for a long time but I also think the vagueness of their future is gnawing at me. it is very bittersweet and i would’ve liked…. Any explanation as to where the hell they’re going? are they trapped? can’t they just get out? rook got out by facing their regrets so can’t solas just do the same with lavellans help? how is he helping heal the titans if he’s stuck in the fade? why is he in the fade at all? elgarnan was keeping the veil intact with his life force while outside of the fade literally 5 minutes ago. clearly they don’t have to be in the fade to keep the veil up, they just have to be alive. so why are they in the fucking fade LMAO. I thought they were going to literally give up their mortal bodies and become spirits together and then return to the fade, which I think would’ve been my preferred ending. it is a little more full circle; him taking a body for mythal, and lavellan leaving her body behind for him. I think the insinuation that they’re imprisoned is what bothers me and makes me so anxious because idk it’s just brutal???? they are just gonna sit there for eternity??? is lavellan mortal still??? it just seems to be the only part of this that is unsatisfying to me, I just don’t understand the intention. because solas makes it sound so terrible when he literally calls it terrible, and then the epilogue slide of them it clearly looks lovely and sweet and joyful. So I’m genuinely just confused. Hopefully someone will ask trick on blue sky soon. ok I’m literally falling asleep bc it’s 2:40 am so i am going to go dream about them making out in the fade. I can’t believe it’s over I am going to have to mourn the end of this story for a long time

[tabithatwo]

fics and posts of note!

if yellowjackets enthusiast is my second job (it is) then, within that, fic writing is my day job and tumblr rambling is my moonlighting, so here's easy access to my fics and to my more involved posts!

current status: i am writing with slightly more consistency than i have in a while! that said I am writing whatever speaks to me in that moment, so it’s a bit of an unpredictable situation. we practice resurrection every night updated tonight! hoping so work on always be my baby this week <3 —10/21

likely order of updates: abmb, fences, resurrection—10/21

works in progress

x always be my baby (34/37 / ~350k)

All the living yellowjackets are forced together when someone decides to unearth their past. Tensions rise, past relationships are revealed, and new ones are forged in a reunion that no one asked for (except maybe Misty).

explicit / post-s1 canon-divergence / primarily adult timeline

x fences need mending (2/11 / ~38k)

Every decision that Jackie and Shauna had ever made—together and separately, in anger and in love, for themselves and for each other—had led them to this exact moment, a dreary October morning in the intensive care unit of NewYork-Presbyterian.

explicit / no crash au / dual timeline

x we practice resurrection every night (5/? / ~28k)

A series of moments based pre, during, and post 1996 canon, centered around Jackie and Shauna, accounting for the huge, rippling impact of one small change: the Holmdel bust goes differently. Shauna ends up walking home with Jackie instead of Jeff.

explicit / jackie lives au / slice of life

complete (multichap)

x she shines me up like gold (~12k)

Jackie convinces Shauna to wear something a little different than her usual to Van and Taissa's Halloween party.

explicit / no crash au / mid-twenties

x you're just a bee charmer (~53k)

When Jeff dumps Jackie right before winter break, Shauna decides she's willing to do pretty much anything to keep them broken up. Jackie just wants to feel wanted, so what harm can a few messages from a new account really do?

explicit / no crash au / shifted ten years (they graduate in 06, rather than 96)

x just unzip me (~32k)

Shauna is the maid of honor in the Taylor-Sadecki wedding, but on the big day both the bride and the groom have a confession to make.

explicit / no crash au / set in 2004-2006

series

x prolong the night

explicit / jackie lives au / especially twisted

x (pt 1) no one knows what dawn will come (~12k)

Shauna helps warm Jackie up and, months later, Jackie helps Shauna survive labor.

x (pt 2): drunk from so many roses, redder than wine (~8k)

Jackie can't leave Shauna alone when the butchering duties get darker. Everyone has their role, and hers is just how she likes it—inextricably tied to Shauna.

oneshots

x honey come over, the party's gone slower (~4k)

Nat’s dead, but that doesn’t mean it’s all over. She laid Jackie to her final rest, and now Jackie’s the one to welcome her to this strange new home.

teen / post s2 finale / nat pov

x trying to keep you alive (~5k)

A night of Shauna feeling especially self-destructive (cruising for women, talking to Jackie's ghost, and burning bridges with the only two people in her corner).

explicit / canon-compliant / post return / ghost!jackie or hallucination!jackie depending on how you read it

x no take backs (~3k)

Laura Lee is a few steps ahead of Jackie in this whole navigating being a ghost thing, and Shauna is falling apart quicker than Jackie can pick up the pieces.

mature / canon-compliant / set during 2x01 / ghost!jackie pov

posts of note

x jackie taylor is a lesbian frame by frame pt. 1

x jackie taylor is a lesbian frame by frame pt. 2

x tai and shauna / call your mom

x shauna and psychosis

x the "dreams" (travis' dialogue on near death experiences in 2x02)

x the "dreams" (eating and drinking in other realms motif)

x jackieshauna / lottielee

x mirrors and reflections in yj (the pilot)

x pit girl scenes and their cuts away from natalie

x lesbian breakup so bad (yj edition)

x sight and power and leadership (lottie, tai, nat, jackie ruminations)

x jackieshauna / our wives under the sea

x yj and jennifer's body

x nat/jackie ruminations

[bbcphile]

I’m rewatching Mysterious Lotus Casebook, and the final beach scene hit even harder when I realized how many times we’ve seen that beach before, and what an important a spot that beach has been in Li Lianhua’s life: it’s consistently been associated with both suicide and second chances/rebirth, and his final appearance there combines both purposes!

The Eastern sea beach appears for the first time when Li Xiangyi drifts onto it in the flashback to ten years ago, barely alive, after the battle at sea with Di Feisheng. It initially seems to offer a second chance, since he drags himself, wounded and poisoned, back to Sigu Sect and his fiancée.

Once he learns how many people blame him for the deaths of many civilians and 58 members of his sect, that his sect is disbanding, and that his fiancée was miserable with him and had broken up with him by letter, he returns to the Eastern beach to die. He’s internalized the blame, and is convinced he only ever brought pain and death into the world, and seems to hope that by returning to where he washed ashore, it will be like he never left the water - he is ready for it to be his grave. In his mind, Li Xiangyi truly died here, and he hopes his death will bring the world the peace his life couldn’t.

But, thanks to Monk Wuliao, who finds him on the beach and uses his golden acupuncture needles, Li Xiangyi lives on, reborn into his new identity as Li Lianhua. This rebirth has a simple goal: in the 10 years he has left, he wants to repay his debt to his master by finding and burying his shixiong Shan Gudao’s remains, and then lying down beside them (and dying there) as penance for what he felt was all his fault. 

Ten years later, the beach on the Eastern sea is supposed to be the site of another rebirth: Di Feisheng chose it as the location for a rematch for their battle from ten years earlier. He assumes Li Lianhua used the Styx flower to cure his Bicha poisoning, so to Di Feisheng, this battle would be the start of their new lives, both at full health, healed of poisoning, free from the manipulations and control of others, and able to show their friendship and skills off to the world. Di Feisheng essentially views this as an opportunity for Li Xiangyi to be reborn and better than ever, and they can have a reunion match as a celebration, possibly to make up for the battle between their sects that hurt so many people before.

Li Lianhua was planning to show up to fight on the Eastern sea beach, but since he didn’t cure the Bicha poisoning (and didn’t tell Di Feisheng or Fang Duobing), he was presumably planning to either die by Di Feisheng’s hand (cementing Di Feisheng’s reputation as the best) or possibly just planning to use the last of his Yangzhouman power, lose the fight, destroy his reputation, and then slink off somewhere to die when no one was watching.  Either way, the only end result of using his energy to fight would be death. So, like the other time he returned to the beach after the battle 10 years ago, here, he planned to return in order to end his lives as both Li Xiangyi and Li Lianhua. Presumably, after everything he’d learned about the Nanyin conspiracy, the truth about the emperor’s bloodline, how his master truly died, and what had really happened to Shan Gudao, he’d become more convinced than ever that only death and pain come to people he loves and who love him, and the only way to keep Fang Duobing and family safe from the emperor was to no longer be in the world.

Because Xiao Zijin intercepted him on his way to the beach and demanded a duel (because, like Shan Gudao, he was jealous of his abilities and couldn’t stand the idea of being inferior to him), Li Lianhua can’t follow through with his plan to fight Di Feisheng at the beach and die there, so he decides to use the last of his energy to shatter his sword, a symbolic death of his reputation and skill and identity that he expects will be quickly followed by his actual death, when he uses his last remaining energy to fly off the cliff and onto a boat, which he expects to be his final resting place.

But, in the final moments of the first extra episode, Li Lianhua returns to the Eastern beach, three months after the fight was supposed to occur there. 

And while the ending is deliberately ambiguous–we don’t know if Di Feisheng, Fang Duobing, and Huli Jing arrive on time to actually see him there and take him from the beach, or if they imagined him there and were too late, or if he’s a ghost–I think the beach’s history as a site of both suicide attempts and rebirth can hint to a happier ending: maybe Li Lianhua went there, as he had done before, expecting and hoping to die, and Di Feisheng and Fan Duobing, like Wuliao before them, find him, save him from himself, and get him at least another ten years.

And this time, with those two by his side and more truths out in the open, maybe there can be real healing from all the trauma and self-blame. And it can be yet another rebirth—not a return to Xiangyi with power, fame, and people wanting him dead and killing people he loved for it —and not to Lianhua, who for most of those ten years was only staying alive to find and bury Shan Gudao—but to a version of himself who can accept love from the two people who understand him most in the world, who aren’t going to feel threatened by his reputation or jealous of his power, who can help him work through all the revelations of the last year that broke his heart into pieces he still hasn’t figured out how to reassemble, and to help him find new things to live for that aren’t penance, since none of it was his fault.

The final clue to the mystery of the ending might be found in the beach’s location: the Eastern sea, not the Western sea, which Di Feisheng invoked when he mourned for Li Lianhua, saying ��The bright moon has already sank into the western sea." Since the moon rises over the eastern sea, the site of this beach associated with both suicide and rebirth, maybe the location of the beach itself is a hint: that what has set is just the Lianhua persona, like the Xiangyi one before, and what will rise is a third identity, where he can finally learn that he is more than his martial arts and brains, more than what he owes others, what he can sacrifice to repay them.

Maybe the new version of this impossible doctor, who always saves others, and even brings them back from the dead, can do the same for himself, with help. 

[miracleandplagueau]

What are your thoughts on the season 5 finale?

INHALE (S5 finale spoilers, duh)

Before I start, disclaimer, I didn't watch most of the season 5 episodes in full. I mosty watched the important lore things and completely gave up on filler. That being said I didn't need to apparently, so let's just get on with it.

✦ PART I. What the actual fuck just happened.

The entire episode felt like some kind of fever dream, like it was written by a 10 year old just starting their journey with original characters, power systems and stories on general and had little idea how to tie the plots together in a satisfying way. Unless we count the mass reunion of everyone from the past whereas I hoped that the NYC and Shanghai specials were just ""fun episodes"" in the vaccum.

The whole plot of both episodes is basically Marinette is badass for 1.5 episode, but fails at recognizing that Gabriel (cough cough THE Monarch) is way beyond redemption and fucks up the entire world (not really, will be explained later)

I'll say it right now, I hate how miraculous went from a magic-focused story to ending on so many science involving plotlines. I mean, come on. He suddenly got himself a laser to turn the miraculouses to rings, created brand new jewelry with floating displays. It sucks, I hate it all over.

✦ PART II. Gabriel and his shenanigans

Personally, I hate the one-wish quota. No matter what happens, I've always seen it boil down to two outcomes - either the villain is stopped from making the wish and he has to be dealt with in a regular way or he succeeds in making the wish and faces no consequences in the end because the world has changed so much

It's the latter with Gabriel, but at the same time not exactly. He succeeded in making the wish, bailed on everyone and get this - he not only got what he wanted, he also got away with it scot free. No, I don't care If he was trying to do the "good" thing by bringing back his dead wife because he loved her. He did horrible, horrible things to get to that. I'll tackle the lack of consequences a bit later on.

✦ PART III. After-wish consequences

HA what the fuck am I saying, CONSEQUENCES? IN MIRACULOUS LADYBUG? That's fucking hilarious. Apparently, not only Marinette doesn't have to worry about being called out, because Gabriel put n the earrings and suddenly he's the most lucky bastard in the universe. Spoiler alert: that's not how it works.

During the scenes that showcased how Emily and Nathalie are alive, how his house is no longer grim and is instead filled with life and roses and bushes. It was nice, It really was.... visually. It's one to look at it and think "yeah, that's a nice finale" and other to look at it while knowing the context.

Oh and by the way, Emilie. So happy we got to see her.... for 5 seconds without counting the video. SHE'S SUPPOSED TO BE THE MOTIVATION FOR GABRIEL TO REWRITE REALITY?!? I'll forever be salty about that.

Going back to the wish for a second and the outcome of making the wish,,, are you fucking serious. I thought the world was supposed to be rewritten when the wish is made, not fixed? What kind of wish did the fucker make, because clearly he brought back TWO people and nothing else seems to have changed. And do not get me with the "Oh but he sacrificed his life for the wish!!--" BULLSHIT. HE WAS AN HOUR AWAY FROM TURNING INTO DUST SMARTASS, THAT IS NOT A WORTHY SACRIFICE OF BRINGING SOMEONE FROM THE DEAD AND HEALING SOMEONE.

I'd at least enjoy it a little If he vanished. Like went poof, gone, no more Gabriel, because then the sacrifice would hold some weight. He gave up his existence so that Adrien is happy, but nooo motherfucker got a STATUE IN HIS HONOR.

Nobody took the blame for the Hawk Moth/Monarch situation either. To people of Paris he just appeared, caused chaos and destruction before fading away after GABRIEL AGRESTE SUDDENLY HAD THE POWER TO GIVE CIVILIANS WITH HIS NEW RINGS POWERS OF A HERO. Nobody found it weird? No? Just me? Okay.

✦ PART IV. Marinette more like Marynette Sue

Marinette was especially unbearable this finale. The fact that she was the only one who fought Monarch, that she's the only one that knows his identity, that she just casually got two most powerful miraculouses all for herself. It just. hurt me physically.

She thought she can be steven universe fr

✦ PART V. Can Adrien stop being a plot device FOR TWO EPISODES

I'm sorry, is this too much to ask for? Is it too much to ask for Adrien to have a part in anything here. During my watch, I can confidently say that I forgot that Adrien existed and yes I know that he's closed off in a padded room, because Gabriel wants to "keep him safe", but come ON at least give us a take away back to him seeing Gabriel on the screen, struggling with the nightmare or considering taking the whole Miraculer deal. It shouldn't be like that in the first place where the secondary main character, the second hero is left to rot while the strong female lead do everything seamlessly.

In the end, the only thing he did is kiss Marinette and take Gabriel's rings. He didn't even find out about his father being the literal Monarch, It felt so cheaped out I dunno. It could've worked If he had a bit more part in the actual fight.

✦ PART VI. Oh yeah, and about Lila's cliffhanger (and season 6 and 7)

WHO THOUGHT OF THIS BRIGHT IDEA?! (I know damn well who did)

I hate the fact that Miraculous will actually continue with Lila as the new butterfly holder. I hate the fact that she got what she wanted and that she will continue to BE there. I do not give a single fuck about Lila and I will not be watching beyond season 5 because for me, the show of Miraculous: Adventures of Ladybug and Chat Noir has ended and it has ended horrendously at that.

✦ PART VII. The little positives the finale had

I liked Bug Noir's design. VISUAL DESIGN. and the animation in Agreste's garden.

I also actually really enjoyed Tikki and Plagg's true forms and Gimmi's fun attitude. They really gave them that great look where you go "Oh yeah, these guys aren't JUST bugs and are actually something greater than a human being" and I like that a whole lot..

PART IX. Finally, final thoughts

There are so many things I still have to say about the finale like the Adrienette, other characters like Luka, Nathalie, Kagami's mother also getting away scot free (for now) and blah blah blah but I am TIRED. I'll likely talk about it in the future or just hopefully forget that it exists.

This one is rough as fuck I know but I'm just writing it as I go

In short, man, am I glad this is over. Am I glad this is over.

Thomas, get your fucking shit together, because middle schoolers write better and more consistent stories. Bringing in all your half-assly written characters to just fight a distraction of sort and having your main character face the villain all alone because she's a strong female lead is not good writing thank you for coming to my ted talk

[voidify333]

20 Questions for fic writers

I was tagged by @almarnatiaam- thanks!

1. How many works do you have on A03?

36

2. What's your total A03 word count?

133,211

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Mostly Ace Attorney these days.

I've also written for Les Mis and Good Omens; Les Mis makes up most of my works at 20 (though 4 of those aren't really fics, they're fanart pieces I posted to ao3 for sewerexchange).

And there's a couple random fics that aren't any of these: The Temptation Of Immediate Relief is a Pride & Prejudice missing scene fic that I wrote for high school english class and posted a polished version after graduation, and All Alone is a short War & Peace fic expanding the character of Anatole's wife who's entirely just a plot device with no character in canon (elephant in the room: the name I chose for her was retroactively made weird by my later fandom journeys by being cognate to the name of a completely different character, but like, whatever). I still think both of these are pretty good

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Wilson & Sons (Good Omens outsider POV fic about Aziraphale's barber, a family business that he's been going to since the 1700s), at 1861 kudos

You're Better Off Without Him (Good Omens outsider POV about the guy in episode 4 who says that line), at 763 kudos

perfectly statue-still (Ace Attorney 3+1 fic about elevators being a trigger for Miles, angst with a happy ending), at 433 kudos

driving back in style (in my saloon will do quite nicely) (Good Omens fic, silly cute little A/C getting together scenario), at 303 kudos

naughty list (Ace Attorney fic; angst with a happy ending; the premise is that Gregory didn't get to tell Miles that Santa wasn't real so when the von karma household didn't do santa Miles thought he was on the naughty list for a solid 4 years. If you haven't read it, ho ho ho 'tis the season to read it now), at 241 kudos

Yeah, my good omens stuff is never being unseated from the top of my leaderboard unless I end up getting into an even bigger fandom at some point in the future

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to, because comments absolutely give me life and I need a constant stream of them, but unfortunately I don't get around to it often enough

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Absolute angstiest out of my published works is probably my very first ao3 fic, not quite nowhere to turn. Valjean sees Javert die and is too late to do anything. The fic is very flawed in that I was 15 and had not learned how to do subtlety, I can't look at it now, but I was a hyperlexic kid with A's in English so I think it's still better than what most people were writing as teens

Second answer is merry christmas., my most recent fic (if you haven't read it yet, HO HO HO TIS THE SEASON), it's Miles' POV for the first bit of Turnabout Goodbyes, it ends on a note of hopelessness that he's doomed to be convicted, but it only debatably counts since anyone who's played the games knows that the turnabout is coming

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Most of my stuff has pretty happy endings, that's just my sensiility as a writer-- even "not quite nowhere to turn" has an afterlife reunion scene-- so I'm not sure what to say here.

There's some fics where the conflict was trivial in the first place (comedy and crack stuff), there's some fics where I feel in hindsight that the ending was a copout and that a rockier path to happiness would have been more interesting if I had mustered the strength to write it (When Tomorrow Comes is the primary example tbh), and there's some where it feels earned (the fics in this category include the ones I like the most)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I've thankfully never gotten hate on AO3 that I can recall

9. Do you write smut?

Yes I do, but none of it is up on my ao3 account at this time. I have a ton in my google docs though...

10. Do you write crossovers?

I've written a couple. Both of them, funnily enough, of the format "javert meets one of my other blorbos and they recognise what they have in common"

In "and if you fall" (honestly the point of the title would have landed better if I did the full lyric "and if you fall (as lucifer fell)" but at the time that felt too corny), Crowley happens to be in the right place at the right time to talk Javert down from jumping (context: within GO book canon Crowley was asleep for the 19th century except for getting up in 1832 for a loo break)

In "The Choice Of Death" Miles Edgeworth meets Javert's ghost (AA ghost lore notwithstanding) one liminal night during his year away

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of.

On a tangent though, bc there's no question directly relevant to share this info, I HAVE gotten fanart for a fic before: this amazing fanart by @maym0rin for chapter 2 of "perfectly statue-still" (she gave me permission to crosspost it on tumblr bc she didn't have tumblr at the time but she later got tumblr when the twitter ship started sinking). There is nothing more flattering as an author than getting fanart, I hope this first time isn't the last time

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not yet!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes, I helped with @almarnatiaam's fic A King's Heart and got a co-writer credit.

And outside of cowriting on the level of be listed as cowriter on ao3, my friend who doesn't have tumblr (it's tsl for all the mtnr server friends reading this) and I have been collaborating and bouncing ideas on each other's fics for... wow, it's been over a year now!

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

Honestly it would have to be Valvert because it got to me at a formative time and has shaped the kinds of ships I like for life

15. What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

What do you mean "the" wip????

I have two dead fics and counting (one for les mis, one for good omens), and that's just the ones where I posted the initial content before realising it's too intimidating to finish. There's so many more in my docs; my friends know about some of them

16. What are your writing strengths?

Here are some that I have no problem bragging about, I reread my own fics often and smile at the moments where I did a banger line

Character voice (especially when the characters are my blorbos)

Using fancy vocabulary with precision in the prose to achieve effect (a skill born from trying to copy the vibes of victor hugo)

Witty prose humour (a skill born from trying to copy the vibes of pratchett & gaiman)

Prose from the POV of someone in a fucked up state- someone in a dark place emotionally, or someone whose motivations are fundamentally misguided or outright malicious. This is THE most fun shit to write for me

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Committing to long term character pain and tragic character conflict when it's not pulled/extrapolated directly from canon. I have many times read a fic where the author puts blorbo through the ringer and thought "damn if only I wasn't such a fucking coward and could write stuff like this". I've become less of a coward over the years and now enjoy

Writing anything long without a detailed plan for the entire thing

The need to use words with precision and write perfectly in character is as much a weakness as a strength. I am not a "write a whole first draft then edit" person I am a "dot points for the bits I don't have perfect words for" person and this sometimes causes issues where I assume I'll figure out how to get from A to B later but then it turns out to not make sense to get from A to B

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I have 4 years of Duolingo French and have used this occasionally for my Les Mis works. The way I think of my Les Mis works is that the characters are all speaking French behind the fourth wall but the fourth wall translates for us, so I avoid puns that only work in English except on a couple super cracky occasions.

For Inspector Javert Chooses Death (a fic with the premise "AU where instead of dying Javert fakes his death like Edgeworth and goes to england and unrepresses his homosexuality") I was originally planning to write the whole letter near the end of the fic in french and put the translation in footnote but my beta reader got confused so I scrapped that and had the prose paraphrase most of the letter and only included one French sentence

19. First fandom you wrote for?

First fandom I published fic on ao3 for was Les Mis. First fandom I published fic anywhere online for was Animorphs (when I was 12 I published a weird dark comedy fic to FFN which was a 5+1 or similar format of Visser Three executing people for slighting him by morphing into huge creatures and eating them. Then people on animorphsforum.com told me the fic was bad so I lost all confidence and didn't write fic again for years)

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

Right now it's between my two most recent AA solo fics: merry christmas. (already explained; 1-4 fic) and the perfect weapon (Manfred POV throughout his revenge plot, SUPER fun to write all that villain pov, grew from the premise "he had to have known about the nightmare to plan all that")

My best Les Mis fic is but i have seen the same (i know the shame in your defeat); it explores my favourite parallel with a cool alternating scene format and I actually still like the writing and characterisation even all these years later which is a rare honour for one of my high school Les Mis fics

Tagging: @squadron-of-damned @kaleran @samioli @ashkazora @azalawa-scroggs

[befuddledmackem]

Twenty questions for fic writers

I saw @alightbuthappypen do a writing meme and I wanted in, dammit.

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

92, apparently. I could not have begun to guess this amount without checking. I would have said that I’ve posted way less than that to AO3, but it does include everything I ever posted on livejournal.

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

406,924.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

I am belatedly realising that writing this will be an exercise in revealing the daft ways my brain works. I was about to say “I tend to only write one fandom at a time,” but that simply isn’t true; I tend to write whatever my distractable brain presents me with, and I feel like I have little to no control over what my brain latches on to. I am currently editing a few fics from The Witcher, specifically the Netflix show, though I can’t help but mix some game canon in too. I have previously written about Good Omens (both the book, waaaaaaayyy back when, and then also the show kicked off some fic years later), the IT movies, Our Flag Means Death, Teen Wolf, Star Trek, The Musketeers, The Untamed a little bit… and a lot more I'm forgetting. I gain and drop fandoms quickly, and never end up writing an awful lot in each.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Number one by a country mile is a Teen Wolf fic that I refuse to link to because I just don’t like it any more. One day I’ll orphan it. Kudos: 8915.

Number two: Build Our Kingdom (Good Omens). Kudos: 6884.

Number three: One Big Bed (Our Flag Means Death). Kudos: 1239.

Number four: I’m Falling And I Don’t Know What To Say (Our Flag Means Death). Kudos: 1219.

Number five: Desire Dividing Me (Good Omens). Kudos: 1100.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

It depends when they catch me. If they come in within a week or so of me posting, then I gleefully respond. After that, it depends. I read all of them, obviously – I read and re-read comments when my mood needs a boost – but if a little time has passed, I either feel weird about replying (?why? I can’t figure it out beyond brain daftness), or I simply forget (my memory is a joke). I literally always love a comment, though.

6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Oh, hmm, I’m not much for writing angst. Uh… I’ve just scrolled through all my fics and I’m shrugging. I guess there’s an X-Men Charles/Erik fic called Cold Reunion where they meet after the divorce and bitch at each other a bit… that might be the closest I get. Oh, or the only Witcher fic I’ve posted so far (The Song of the White Wolf) is very much about Jaskier being in what he believes to be unrequited love with Geralt, and nothing gets resolved at the end, because it is just slotted into a gap between episodes.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I will write and re-write “and then they get together” a billion times, because I’m such a sucker for it. I’d say either Build Our Kingdom, my version of the obligatory Good Omens picnic scene, or maybe L’Appel du Vide, in which Eddie Kaspbrak does some learning and changing in his forties. God, I miss Eddie and Richie.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

LOL one comment on the aforementioned Eddie/Richie fic was about how I’d written Richie to be particularly woobified, I think? But it came, like, eight or nine chapters into a very wordy ten chapter fic, and it cracked me up for how long they’d persevered before snapping. I don’t think it was hate so much as disappointment. I laugh every time I think about it. I can’t think of anything else which comes close to hate.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I used to write smut quite often, but I don’t feel like I’m especially good at it, or that I present it in an interesting way. I don’t think the world is missing out for me not writing it anymore.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I was about to say “no, I haven’t,” but I definitely have. My goddamn memory! I started a Star Trek/Teen Wolf crossover that I did not finish. Whoops! Retroactive apologies to anyone I pissed off by doing that. I have since learned not to post fics until I have finished them completely. I have so many damn WIPs that I have all but abandoned.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nah. Wait, have I? …I have a vague memory of raging about this while I was at university 20 years ago (!) but that’s the only thing I can remember (joke of a memory).

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yeah, a few. Cool!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I have! Not for a long, long time now, but there have been a couple.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Uh, that’s a big question. I feel like I’ve been pretty clear about how quickly I go into and drop out of fandoms at this point. I guess the one I’ve come back to most often is Crowley/Aziraphale? But I don’t love it any more than I love any of my other OTPs, it has just snared me back into writing it more often than the rest. Others of note: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Wangxian, Yennefer/Jaskier/Geralt (and every permutation therein), Stede Bonnet/Edward Teach (but I haven't even seen season 2 yet), Aramis/Porthos.

15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

God, I’ve got a Stranger Things Steve/Eddie fic that I just need to sit down and edit properly, and make some decisions about, and it’d be done. And yet here we are, with it still unfinished. Also I have a 14K Crowley/Aziraphale fic that I’d love to actually finish one of these days, but my ideas for it petered out. Probably if I really did some thinking I could write an ending for it, and just be done with it, but it is set after season 1 of the show, and would no longer jive with the canon… I don’t know. Would it be worth it? Who knows?

16. What are your writing strengths?

Uhhhhhhhh. Well, I’ve done Nano twice now, so I guess I can pump words out when I really push myself. And I feel like writing dialogue comes pretty easily to me, though I suppose everyone else is free to disagree!

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Description uuuuugggggghhhhhhh. Keeping track of limbs or objects or facial expressions. I feel like I struggle with endings in that I always think they feel abrupt. I’m also fucking terrible at motivating myself and tend to work better with outside motivation (for example, committing to a certain number of words a month – but then how do I make myself edit afterwards? Would love to know!).

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I’m barely coherent in English, mate. Everyone else can do as they wish, but if I have to keep scrolling down to see what things mean, I’m clicking away. My attention span sucks.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Oh god. The Beatles, with a sort of dizzy sense of, “Wait, this is allowed?”

20. Favorite fic you've written?

Oh wow, an even bigger question! Uhhhhhhhhhh…? Fucking hell. Probably either L’Appel du Vide, because it basically did everything I wanted it to, or maybe Build Our Kingdom, because I managed to write it clearly enough that I can actually see it happening in my head, which is usually not the case. Does that make sense? I’m not very visual, but I can picture them through my own words more easily than I managed to do in other fics. Stupid! Those fics are certainly the two I re-read most often.

Bye!

[incorrectgallaghergirlsquotes]

Do you think Zach attempted to propose to cam before the 10 year epilogue (I mean, thought of it?)

I sincerely hope so.

Going off of what we get in the epilogue, and just in general, proposals take planning. It's not a coincidence that it takes place over their 10 year reunion but before everyone else gets there. Plus everyone seems to be in on it. He definitely thought of it and had it schemed for a while.

Now, back to me, someone who has many issues with the epilogue lmao: Cammie and Zach met when they were 15/16. The series ends when they're roughly 18. The epilogue is ten years later. These two don't get engaged until they're 28. I'm turning 25 this year and if I had a partner I'd been with for a decade and we still weren't even engaged I think I'd lose my mind. Maybe they talked about, maybe they were both fine with it, but definitely before the epilogues came out I expected them to be engaged earlier than 28. It's not like that's late in life to get engaged they just were already together for so long.

I don't see Zach having many failed proposal attempts like in romcoms (as funny as that would be). That's the kind of thing he'd like to do once, the right way. I think he would tell everyone that we see in the epilogue scene but I don't actually think he'd have them all be present for it. I don't think he asks anyone 'permission' to marry Cammie but he makes everyone part of the plan. And he definitely goes to talk to Matt.

Kinda went on a tangent here sorry! Lol But I hope that answers the question and I have something written about Zach planning to propose to Cammie (sort of) here on Ao3

[suzyq31]

Question 30

I was meaning to ask that after you'll finish found, can you make an one shot of iris as a 15 to 17 year old girl with moments with both harry and teddy

I mean in this story unlike iris, we've mostly seen the relationship between both of them as a teacher student even though harry would like to scream in joy when iris performs well or iris would often wonder what it would be if he had known from the start

Maybe in this one shot, we can see their relationship as father daughter and with teddy, you said that it would be like having sibling so them bickering but also being protective of each other, you had already developed victoire and Teddy's relationship with each other and harry so well , it will be an icing on cake to see it

Because with only 10 chapters left, I think it will only cover the reunion between three of them and we haven't even reached to Halloween in the story or an end to her first year so we won't be able to see her quidditch tryouts, owls and newts preparation because as much as we love a 4 year old iris and dad harry, I would also like to see harry and a rebel iris or just a teen iris with harry getting taste of his own medicine and her getting a crush with harry and teddy being protective and all that fluff

I know, I'm asking a lot but your writing and story is so good, I would love to see those moments of that family together

Hope you have a nice trip ❤❤

I'm really glad you enjoy the story! Not sure if I'll end up writing a one shot...but never say never. I am likely adding at least another chapter or two to Found, since some of the other plot stuff got away from me. So while it's a slow burn in many ways with the reveals etc. There will be several chapters of them as a family of 3. Also we will see more of the dynamic between her and Teddy. Plus Teddy meeting Hermione etc. My hope is to one day have all three stories in this universe complete...even if it takes me a few years 😅

I searched through my draft for anything that didn't have too many spoilers. So here's a snippet from later in Found if that helps showing the three of them together! (Haven't written the Teddy scenes yet!)

===

Soon enough they were at the same oak door from yesterday. Harry paused, a hand raking through his hair. She tilted her head towards him, it was still surreal to be able to look directly at him like this. Emerald eyes held hers and Hermione couldn’t move, mesmerised at the sight. 

“What are you doing?”

The new, but familiar voice made her jump, knocking into Harry who grabbed hold of her arms. She spun to her right to see Iris emerge from under the invisibility cloak, half her body still hidden.

“What’s the matter?” Iris asked this time, brow furrowed as she looked between them.

“Nothing,” she managed to reply, suddenly out of breath, Iris’s frown deepened. 

“You just scared us,” Harry added, releasing her arms. 

“Sorry,” Iris mumbled sheepishly, eyes moving to her trainers. She rubbed the cloak between her fingers, falling silent.

Now it was her turn to frown, sensing the tension in her daughter. “What is it sweetheart?” 

Iris chewed on her lips “Everyone is staring,” she replied quietly, eyes flicking up to them. “More than with the vomit.”

Guilt flashed across Harry’s face. “Come on,” he said finally. “Let’s have a butterbeer.”

Iris brightened at this offer. Hermione followed her daughter and Harry into his quarters. Iris draped the invisibility cloak over the armrest of the sofa before flinging herself onto its cushy surface. 

“What do I say? When people ask me things?” she asked.

Hermione glanced over at Harry who nodded thoughtfully as he fetched three butterbeers from a cabinet under his desk. 

“Tell them you can’t talk about it. Auror orders,” he replied as he handed Iris her drink.

Hermione took the one offered to her, his fingers brushing against hers, making her heart jump. She ignored this and sat next to Iris who continued to watch them with her carefully held expression.

“We do need to talk,” Hermione said, placing her hand on Iris’s leg. “There’s a good chance this will end up in the paper.”

Her eyes widened, head whipping towards her father. Harry took a long sip of his butterbeer. 

“There’s been rumours of a leak. About your mum. That she’s alive.”

“How did they find out?” Iris asked.

“The less you know the better,” Harry replied. 

Iris crossed her arms. “I’m almost twelve!”

Harry stood, crouching in front of Iris, a hand on her shoulder. “Some things are too heavy for twelve year olds.” His eyes moved to Hermione and back to Iris. “I wish we hadn’t had to take on half the things we did by the time we were your age.”

Iris sunk further into the cushion. “You know I’ll just find out anyway.”

His lip twitched upwards. “Of course you will. Still, can you trust us that we’ll tell you what you need to know as it comes up?”

Her face twisted into a sceptical frown, gaze piercing. Hermione sighed, reading the expression all too well.  “I know. My track record isn’t…great.”

Harry raised his eyebrows. She shook her head, pleading silently with him to speak about it later. He nodded and she released a relieved breath. 

“Stop talking with your eyes!” Iris said, voice rising. Both of them stared shocked at her outburst. 

Harry’s expression was just as incredulous as hers likely was. Suddenly she was laughing, unable to stop as she covered her mouth. Harry’s joining hers instantaneously. Iris glared at both of them. 

“It’s not funny,” she muttered. 

That only made them laugh harder and eventually her frown cracked, revealing a partial smile. 

Harry stood from where he’d been laughing on the rug, wiping his face with his sleeve and offering Iris his hand.

“How about we get some fresh air?”

[buddiebeginz]

I just watched Red, White, and Royal Blue for the first time the other day, loved it. I think I've watched it at least 10 times since then. 😝 Haven’t read the book yet so as usual I’m behind everyone else. But I wanted to make this post because I’ve seen numerous comments on social media criticizing the movie for not having lgbtq actors playing the main roles.

As someone who is bi I’m really frustrated that this continues to be an issue the lgbtq community is pushing. I've seen it happen with other movies and shows where actors have been harassed on their social media because they've taken queer roles and they're straight or straight presenting to the world.

I definitely believe we should push for better and more representation for lgbtq actors (especially poc and trans people) in Hollywood but that doesn’t have to mean every lgbtq role needs to go to an lgbtq actor.

For me as a queer person what matters most is that our stories are told by people doing it with the most care and authenticity possible.

One of my favorite shows of all time is Queer as Folk (the original US version from the early 2000's). The cast included a few lgbtq actors (and had lgbtq creators at the helm) but was mostly made up of straight actors. The show isn't without it's faults especially for the time period it was made in but for me personally it's one I most identify with. I never felt like the cast was just doing their job and the relationships especially within the main group felt real and relatable. The show also never shied away from showing true intimacy between their characters. At a time when gay sex was not a thing in media at all let alone on tv QAF was not afraid to be as raw and vulnerable with their characters as possible. No matter where the show took things the cast whether gay or straight always came off as people invested in the scene. You could also tell their commitment to the show when they did interviews back then and again years later when they've done reunions etc.

You can see the same kind of commitment to the story with Taylor and Nick in RWRB. You can see it in the movie and in some of the interviews we've been able to see when they've talked about their roles or working with each other and how much working on this has meant to them.

I get why people want to see queer parts go to queer actors when they don't get cast as much as they should and as I said that needs to change but I think we can push for changes while still praising important moments like this movie being made. I also don't think that actors should be pigeonholed into being hired solely based on their sexuality. The more society pushes for this it won't be helping rather it will hurt lgbtq actors who already have a hard time getting roles that aren't specifically for queer people. Gay men in particular are often passed over for leading man roles because it's a long running stereotype of Hollywood that no one wants to see a gay man as a straight romantic lead or an action hero.

The other problem here is I think we need to stop with this obsession of needing to know celebrities sexuality. Just because a character is lgbtq doesn't mean we need to verify that the actor is too especially if that's not something the actor wants to talk about it.

I think that Nicholas and Taylor deserve every bit of praise for the job they did. I don't think their sexuality matters here whatever that is because at the end of the day they both put their all into telling Alex and Henry's love story. Just as much as they would have if they were acting with someone of the opposite sex more so in some ways I'd argue. You can tell they felt the gravity of what they were making and and how important this story already was to so many people.

[xxxmasterkali]

My Emotional Attachment to Fictional Characters (Sora, Riku & Kairi)

I started delving deeper into this topic because I clearly have a strong emotional attachment to fictional characters. It's not because I believe it's unhealthy or a negative thing, but rather out of genuine curiosity about why I feel such a connection to these characters. In my case, the characters I am attached to are Sora, Riku, and Kairi from Kingdom Hearts. If you follow my page or know me, you're probably familiar with Kingdom Hearts. What I learned is that many people develop attachments to fictional characters because they see aspects of themselves or their own life experiences reflected in those characters. This is definitely true for me when it comes to the Destiny trio. I also feel I have used Kingdom Hearts in general as a coping mechanism & a way to disassociate myself from reality. That’s when it probably wasn’t very healthy.

Destiny Trio - The Destiny trio as a whole almost mirrors my life, particularly my childhood. When I was 10 years old, I moved to a new town and met two boys who were the same age as me. They played a significant role in shaping who I am today. We spent every day together, the three of us. They tried to teach me how to skateboard, we played video games together, and we would explore various places in the area, including the creek. Each day felt like an adventure with them, and those memories are some of the best I have.

Sora, Riku, and Kairi almost parallel our friendship in multiple ways. One of the boys was actually the one who introduced me to Kingdom Hearts. I remember watching the trailer and thinking, "Oh, Disney! I want that game!" He got the game before I did, and I watched him play through it. We even made jokes about how those three characters were like the three of us. He jokingly compared them racing across the beach to us, with me always being left behind like Kairi in that scene 😅🤣.

Unfortunately, I had to cut both of them out of my life at the end of high school due to being in a domestically violent relationship. Six years later, one of them messaged me, and I bumped into the other, two months later. It made me realize how toxic my life had been. They woke me up and reminded me of who I truly was. They had molded me into the person I was before, and I missed being that person. When I left my abuser, I reached out to them, and they supported me during that difficult time. I needed their help. Despite many people telling me how messed up my life was, they were the only ones who could pull me out of it. It's remarkable how much the three of us resemble these characters. So yeah, that's why the Destiny trio is my favorite trio in the Kingdom Hearts games and why I feel such a strong attachment to them.

I cherish the memories I have with them. The days we spent together were filled with laughter, excitement, and camaraderie. We would embark on new adventures every day, exploring the neighborhood, trying out new activities, and discovering hidden gems in our town. We shared countless moments of joy and friendship.

When I stumbled upon Kingdom Hearts, it became an integral part of our bond. It was more than just a game to me; it was a reflection of our own friendship. Sora, Riku, and Kairi symbolized our own dynamics, with their unique personalities and unwavering support for one another. I would often joke about how we resembled these characters, drawing parallels between our real-life experiences and their fantastical journeys.

When I encountered both of them again, in that time, it was as if the universe was giving me a second chance. Their presence reminded me of the person I used to be, the person I yearned to become once again. With their unwavering support, I found the strength to break free from my abuser and reclaim my life.

It's astonishing how our lives mirror those of the Destiny trio. Just like Sora, Riku, and Kairi, we faced hardships, separation, and eventual reunions. Our bond proved to be unbreakable, transcending time and distance. They became my guiding light, helping me navigate the darkness and emerge stronger than ever before.

The Destiny trio holds a special place in my heart, not only because of their presence in the Kingdom Hearts games, but because they represent the essence of true friendship and resilience. They remind me that no matter how challenging life may be, there are always allies by our side, ready to lift us up and inspire us to become the best versions of ourselves.

Sora & Kairi - As much as I deeply cherish the bond between Sora and Kairi, attempting to draw parallels to my own life brings up some tender emotions. However, let me dive into it and share my story. Yes, one of those boys happened to be my very first love. In fact, he was the one who introduced me to the world of gaming. We were inseparable childhood best friends and each other's first love. Our connection was truly extraordinary and unlike anything I have experienced with anyone else. Amidst constantly feeling misunderstood and invisible, having someone who comprehended me on such a profound level was irreplaceable. He genuinely cared about me, even if he struggled to express it verbally. Nevertheless, his actions spoke volumes. We would spend countless days together, just the two of us. We would hang out, watch movies, play games, and even though we were young, we engaged in meaningful conversations. Whenever I was feeling down, he was there for me. No matter how angry or upset I was, he had a knack for making me laugh. I turned to him for everything, and on my 13th birthday, he went above and beyond by handcrafting a paopu fruit as a gift. It was the most incredible present I had ever received in my entire life. Not only did it come from him, but the effort he put into it demonstrated his understanding of who I truly am as a person. He accepted me wholeheartedly, even if others might not have comprehended the significance. To us, it became a symbol of our unspoken bond. And guess what? We even had our own secret hideout 😝 Well, technically, it was a bomb shelter hidden beneath a cliff near my house, and we definitely left our marks on the walls in there. I'm sure I doodled our names somewhere in that sanctuary. We also had a special spot where we would sit and gaze at the sky, whether it was during sunset or any other time of the day or night. Sometimes, it was just the two of us, and at other times, we would be joined by our other friend. He will always hold a special place in my heart. And whenever I listen to the song "Don't Think Twice," it never fails to remind me of our unique bond.

Sora - So, I actually see a lot of myself in Sora. We share many of the same personality traits. After watching a video titled "The Psychology of Sora," I realized a lot about myself. Sora has been through a lot, yet he continues to smile and act like everything is fine. He hides his struggles until he finally breaks in KH3. That's exactly how I am. Despite the hardships I've faced, I still walk around with a smile, pretending not to be sad or hurting. I always try to focus on the positive side of things and encourage others to have faith and keep smiling.

In addition to these similarities, I can also relate to Sora in other ways. For example, like Sora, I can sometimes be a little dense. I often forget things or take a moment to process information. Sometimes things go over my head or I simply don't notice them. However, just like Sora, I am also a goofball who loves making people laugh. I enjoy being silly and bringing joy to others through humor. In fact, I think I'm just as much of a dork as he is. Overall, I share many personality traits with Sora and these connections have helped me to better understand myself.

Kairi - Aside from being Sora's love interest and my connection to her relationship with Sora, I can relate to how Kairi feels as a person. We both grew up with 2 boys, & she is constantly seen as fragile or the damsel in distress compared to Sora and Riku. I can relate to this feeling too. I always tried to measure up to my best friends, doing whatever they were doing to prove that I was just as good as they were. But I always fell short, and it was frustrating. Being seen as the weak link was a blow to my self-esteem and pride, not that they ever saw me this way. I don't believe they did, they always tried to help me get better at whatever it was we were doing. I wanted to be able to do everything they could do and be strong like them. Sometimes, I felt left behind or put on the sidelines. Even when I'm not with them, I'm still seen as "fragile." However, when people see me lose my composure, they're surprised that a 100lb, 5-foot girl has a "take no shit" side. Well, they were never surprised. They knew that's who I was. I feel that this is also Kairi's character. She doesn't tolerate anyone's mistreatment and stands up for herself. That's who I am too, so when I got caught up in that toxic relationship, I lost that part of myself, but I have regained it back. She is strong, not just physically, but also in terms of what she has accomplished, despite what some fans may say. Kairi has a strong heart, and so do I. Kairi is also resilient and determined. I share these traits as well. Kairi has always believed that she and Sora will find their way back to each other, and I believe the same in my case. I won't lose faith that I'll see him again. They're both out adventuring while I'm stuck here! Jerks 😂😝 But hopefully, someday I can join them.

"I need to become stronger, & when I do, I'll be right there next to you & Sora."

So, that's why I have such an emotional attachment to these characters. I truly believe that everything happens for a reason, even the little things. Considering how much I relate to these characters and how they resemble my best friends, I believe that this game came into my life at the perfect time and in the perfect way for a reason. 🥰

[henrysglock]

ooooh okay i love this because these all can connect with different details that have already come up (this is about linking, not necessarily analyzing yet)

"The campaign way way too short!" "It was 10 hours!"

-> El's "we are all time travelers" bit in her letter about emotions shortening and lengthening time -> The difference in perception re: byler reunion vs mileven reunion, and that discrepancy being tied to El and the 1979 Massacre/Brenner -> Powers, specifically Henry's, being tied to big emotions and time -> Henry's clock scene being shown to us during his big emotional monologue...but he never actually talks about the clock

Contradictory births

-> Ties in with Willel twin imagery and lab twin imagery/Brenner's Mengele-Schumann coding (Will and El could actually be twins, Mengele and Schumann used to use one twin as experimental and have the other twin as an unchanged control. The control twin was always collected later for comparison, hence Will's fake body in ST1)

Brown vs Green eyes Will

->Ties in with changelings vs Will and HNL vs The Talisman and Twinners -> Ties in with Henry vs Edward and their inconsistent stories -> Ties in with Henry's color-changing socks in the different retellings

Clock differences 1:20 vs 1:21

-> Ties in with the 1 month vs 2 years detail about the Creels -> Ties in with Victor being back from war in either 1943 or 1944, the difference between which would decide whether or not he's actually Alice's father -> Ties in with the changing times in the ST2 Halloween tapes and the changes in the ST4 NINA tape times/angles (as well as the fact that we rarely get to see the analog clock very clearly, which would tell us an unaltered timeline)

The Big Clock times vs chimes

I haven't looked at this one quite as much so I'm not sure what times the clock actually reads, it could be the time of death for each of the victims. If it is, then the 4 chimes is foreshadowing how many victims there are. If it isn't, then it's possibly that Max ending on 4 o'clock could be representative of the fact that one timeline merges with the Party's current timeline with her death (i.e. chimes finally matching the time).

Scott Clarke's parallel universe

-> Ties in with Henry vs Edward and the Richard vs Martin time loop theory (i.e. Martin can't send Henry back to become the Richard of the other timeline, since El sent Henry to super hell and broke the time loop. Thus, there is a timeline with an Edward/Henry but no Brenner...a timeline where none of the bad things ever happened?) -> The flea and the acrobat...about time. Time works consistently in one direction for most humans/acrobats. Henry/Edward (and possibly Richard/Martin) is the flea here due to his time-based abilities. (Side note: Spiders, like fleas, can also crawl upside down.)

Ruth/Ruth/Rose/Rose and swapping places

-> Ties in with NINA and the multiple Henries/Brenner's manipulation via timeline fuckery with El's memories -> (Robin) Rose, like the rose door at the Creel house, talks about Petey Mchew when trying to visit Victor Creel alongside (Nancy) Ruth...Henry Creel is Peter Ballard in HNL in the NINA memories that happen in Ruth, NV...but so are all the other Henries (Edwards?) that seem to appear in the span of NINA. -> Ties into the weird unexplainable yet very distinct Brenner-esque vs Henry-ish hairstyle changes in the 1979 massacre -> Ties in with Henry vs Edward and the Alice/Virginia swapping

Skull Rock: Right or Wrong

-> Ties in with the "who's the monster?" stuff in ST4. El is the monster at Rink-O-Mania if you don't know her history with Angela, which then makes you realize she's not the monster. She sees visions of the 1979 massacre, and believes she's the monster until she sees more backstory, which tells her she isn't the monster. She sees Henry's behavior in the lab and, despite everything, tells him that Brenner is the monster, which Henry rejects. So who's the monster? (It's perception-dependent. People are both monsters and not monsters based on how much you know about the person, and we know just about nothing about Henry and Brenner) -> Ties is with Virginia being dead or not dead after Henry's attack in 1959. We don't have all the information, so it's hard to prove either way.

and likely more!! but this is what i've got off the top of my head for possible connections

@laozuspo more possible timeline weirdness crumbs / time perception vibes for your consideration

"the campaign was way too short!" "it was ten hours!"

El has either a twin or two contradictory birth memories

Back To The Future as a whole, but the specific scene that's playing in the theater is the one where Doc syncs 2 stopwatches and sends Einstein the dog one minute ahead in time wearing one of them and he comes back with the stopwatch one minute off so there's two different clocks both true hmmm

that clock always chiming 4:00 in all the victims' visions despite not actually reading 4:00 (except for when Max dies)

Dustin being simultaneously right and wrong about skull rock (I know he's talking about magnets or whatever but it gave me something being true in one timeline and false in another vibes)

Mr. Clarke's parallel universe where none of this ever happened comment

RUTH / swapping places (maybe not swapping with another person but with oneself in another timeline. eh? eh?)

there was a Will who had brown eyes all along, according to Jon and Joyce

[arillusionist]

i just sort of skimmed through the amphibia intervew. i understand the ending a bit more now, thats its also about sprig being his own person outside of anne, which is cool and all but:

but if sasha, marcy, and anne can grow outside of each other, and find themselves without leaning on one another, and still come back to each other, why can’t anne and sprig? why couldn’t sprig get settled into an independent life and then see anne again 10 years later?

i think the sashannarcy reunion should have been replaced w/ a plantar boonchuy reunion, because the message about not all your wishes being fufilled would essentially be the same. some people come back to you, some don’t. except the plantar’s relationship would fit coming back to each other a lot more. sashannarcy coming back instead of plantars seems boring to me, because their relationship was so clearly about moving on from other people. the plantars was about how you couldn’t always depend on other people.

so a plantar boonchuy reunion would have fit the plot a lot better, imo. 

or, the portal could have stayed open, and anne and sprig could have drifted apart naturally. well, not actually drifted apart, but becoming more independent from one another, but still talking if they needed support or just some fun times. sprig wouldn’t have been forced to find his own person, it would have been natural. because both anne and sprig being forced to be independent is repetitive imo. just sayin. and it wouldnt feel like the message of change was super forced. anne would still have people by her side, because irl, some things change but not everything does. am i supposed to leave this show thinking “oh no one day all my friendships and important relationships will go away and i’ll be all alone except for my parents”. especially because this is a children’s show, kids don’t need to be bombarded w/ all that shit.

plus this would fit sprig’s line from all in much better, where he asks anne “what if things change between us?” because things never actually changed between them. there was literally a huge ass brick wall stopping them from seeing each other again. if they could still see each other but chose to be independent, that would have been more impactful. because sprig’s story of independence wouldn’t be the exact same thing as anne’s and it wouldn’t feel as repetitive.

maybe i’m being a bit biased here because i like plantars more than the calamity trio, but its just how i see it. sashannarcy should have drifted apart and they could have made a big emotional scene out of marcy moving, and anne and the plantars should have learnt to not depend on each other so much, but still be able to meet up/meet up again in the future. the calamity trio could totally still meet again, but maybe just not in the episode? it could be confirmed outside of the show.

one thing that i totally agree w/ matt for is how amphibia was anne’s story. sasha and marcy didn’t need to be focused on as much. thank u for saying that matt.

and finally, i promise this is the last thing, no matter how much people say the ending is happy and hopeful, i just don’t see it that way. it just seems very depressing to me because of the fact that everyone close to anne just. leaves. her life. that is depressing, and it doesnt happen irl. in reality, not everything changes all at once and you’re not gonna drift apart and leave everyone important in ur life. especially ur fckin family. come on man how is that a happy ending. i get that anne cant have everything but that doesn’t meet she has to have nothing. matt saying that there are a number of ways they can reunite makes me feel a bit better but. its not canon.

all of these are my opinions. don’t tell me i missed to point of the show, because i’m literally acknowledging them, just putting into a way that I think would have fit the story better. if you think what happened fits the story best, good for u!!! u have the same opinion as matt!!! wow!!! but news flash, not everyone is gonna be like u. matt said himself that the ending is what fit his vision. deal w/ it bro

(also watch me take away sashannarcy reunion from the ending. lets see how u like the finale then.)

[alreadyblondenow]

Sweet | Jung Jaehyun

❤︎ Jaehyun x female!reader ❤︎ Fluff? Smut, Smut, Smut, Smut, Tiny bit of angst, College AU, Established relationship ❤︎ 2/4 for LOVE MONTH SERIES: Boys Don’t Cry One is a big number | You and your words | Sweet | He loves me, he loves me not |

Summary: Jaehyun has always been in love with you but he thinks so highly of you that he never tried pursuing his feelings for you. All throughout your college years, Jaehyun endured every heartbreak secretly whenever you have a new boyfriend and can only love you secretly in his own ways. Wild. College years was wild and its all because of Jaehyun. After college, you and Jaehyun parted ways but life will reunite you again in the most shocking way. Jaehyun’s wedding.  

Word count: 13,707k

Warnings: Sex, sex, sex, and loads of sex, unprotected sex, loss of virginity, making of sex tape (with consent), making of amateur porn? (with consent), cam boys and cam girl?? idk what to call that but they fuck live, mentions of alcohol, period fingering, mentions of tampon, dry humping, oral sex female receiving, mentions of blowjob, slight blowjob scene,  mentions of other idols, swearing, college students who just wanna have fun haha, kissing and touching, fingering, and slight nipple play, mentions of having sex with Johnny. AH SLIGHT BREAK UP SEX! 

A/N: PURE FICTION. PURE FICTION. PURE FICTION. okay, I know I said that this will be out on Jaehyun’s birthday but meh whatever I’m posting it and will post something else for hearts day. hehe. I hope you guys love this even though im just experimenting and trying to write longer fics, and seriously I wanted to write back to back smut with different feels so I guess im crossing that out of my bucket list. Also this is proof read once only so sorry. You may not be happy with the ending but I’m sure as hell happy with it so sorry. ​

Humans are prone to fall in love with the wrong people and the only thing you can do about it is to forgive yourself and move on. No matter how much history you had, no matter how many special moments or intimate ones you shared… if you know that he or she is not the right person for you then, you know.

Like this moment right now. For exactly ten minutes, you will realize why you and a certain someone never worked out.

“Hey, boss you have a 10 am meeting. Planning for everything” Your assistant says as you double-check your schedule to see the name of the client she’s talking about. “That’s the bride though, 0% progress for the wedding” she added.

“Yikes” you murmur and ready your stuff, “let’s fix that and give her a beautiful wedding. I need you to take down everything she says while I talk to her” you straighten your clothes and fix yourself before you face the client.

The moment you enter the room, the bride greets you with a big smile like she’s saying ‘thank you for saving me and my wedding’ even though you literally haven't done anything yet. Oh, you love seeing those hopeful eyes in every bride. “I’m just waiting for my fiancé, he’s the one who recommends coming here and I have a great feeling that I will have a beautiful wedding because of you”

“And my team,” you added and finished her sentence, “I want to introduce you to my assistant, she will be taking care of every request you say during our discussion later”

“And I want to introduce you to my fiancé, Jaehyun,” she said with a big smile and walked towards his fiancé.

And just like that your ordinary day at the office became extraordinary. Because nothing is normal about Jung Jaehyun, nothing is normal about those dimpled smile that automatically makes your heart skip a beat.

“Baby, this is the wedding organizer” her smile has no hint of mock, she’s not even proud that she has a very handsome fiancé and obviously she doesn’t know who you are. She’s just happy that she’s marrying Jaehyun. That’s all. And in those eyes, you see that Jaehyun is in the right hands.

“Mhmm. Me, Johnny, and Ms. Y/n right here are dorm mates. So you’re talking to the best wedding organizer,” you snorted at what Jaehyun said.

“Thank you for that introduction Jung, now let’s talk about your wedding”

And so, you worked your magic to them the whole morning. Explaining things, showing stuff, asking them what they want. From the wedding reception, wedding dress appointments, and picking of cakes… she has no idea of what she wants. Good thing you do know what you’re doing and you planned everything smoothly after a few hours. And for hours and hours, you watched them smile at each other, lowkey flirted in front of you but you didn’t feel any jealousy, hurt, or regret.

When the exhausting meeting was finally done and finally you’re alone at your office, a soft knock brought you back to reality and a familiar voice was behind it. “Can I come in?” Jaehyun asks.

“Of course, it’s open” you watch him enter your office like he’s some kind of a ghost and made the room cold in an instant.

“I just want to say thank you for helping us out- thank goodness the world is small… Literally, the wedding will be a mess”

“Just doing my job Jae,” you smiled sweetly to him, “your fiancé is lovely-“

“I did love you Y/n. And I’m sorry for hurting you like that, I told you, you deserve better. I’m glad we both found our happiness” he flashed that dimpled smile again and thanked you one last time.

The little reunion ended with small smiles, nods here and there, and in just a few seconds Jaehyun is out from your office and quickly replaced by your assistant to give you your afternoon coffee. Awkward and curious, she placed the coffee in front of you. Obviously, she wanted to know your past with the groom. And when she finally dropped the question, you remembered everything, moments crashing and drowning you right this instance.

Eight years ago  

“Are you even trying, you’re no fun!”  

Your best friend shouts at you from the other side of the table, waiting for you to throw the ball, waiting for you to miss. It was just beer pong but you don’t know why the game was so fucking frustrating and no matter how hard you concentrate you can’t score. Maybe it’s because you’re all alone and you’re competing against your best friend and her boyfriend. Fuck that you thought, you don’t need a man.

“Fuck” you murmur and miss again. You watch your best friend’s boyfriend score another one and of course, you have to drink again. But just when you’re about to get the ball from drink, a stranger’s hand was quick to get the cup, remove the ball and drink the alcohol.

“Mind if I join and help you win?” He flashed you a dimpled smile that immediately made you smile back at him. You take back what you said earlier, maybe you do need someone.

“Come on! Let him in, maybe he’s a better competition” your best friend shouts once again. Oh, you’re very happy that you’re not going to the same college.

As you welcome the handsome stranger and gave him the honor of throwing the ball, you warned him first that your opponents can be very annoying but he doesn't seem to care and just let out a small laugh. Cocky you thought, but confidence looks sexy on him.

And finally. Fucking finally, your best friend had a taste of her own medicine.

“I’m Jaehyun by the way,” he was lowkey flirting with you and you’re not stupid to not notice. “Here, I’ll teach you how to throw” he put the ball in your palm and stood behind you, hands on your waist to keep you steady, arms raised together, and you swear his lips were so near at your nape that you got shivers whenever he talks. “let the ball bounce near a cup and it will land on one” he added. But how can you score if he’s making it hard for you? You did it anyways, threw the ball near a cup and he was right. It landed on the cup you wish to aim and finally, you’re starting to have fun.

The game went on and you and Jaehyun flirted, talked, and exchange deep glances the entire game but winning it at the same time. His one hand is always around your waist even if it's not necessary whenever he’s the one throwing the ball, and whenever the other team scores, he’s the one drinking the alcoholic beverage for you.

At the end of the game, you and Jaehyun won the golden prize which is very awkward when he showed it to you.

“All that frustration and competition for a condom?” you can’t believe that the prize is a single condom.

“We don’t have to use it, it can just be our trophy you know” he let out a small laugh and put the condom in his pocket, and changed the subject.

As the night went deeper, you and Jaehyun had your own little world in that corner at the kitchen with a beer in your hand while you talk about your interest from music to movies. It was pretty crowded but no one seems to care especially Jaehyun because he loves how incredibly close he is to you right now. Until a drunk person bumped Jaehyun and he accidentally spilled his beer on your blouse. Seems like the universe is making a way for you two to eventually hook up and use the condom.

“Shit-shit!” Jaehyun was panicking at the moment and he doesn’t know what to do other than remove his hoodie and cover you with it before anyone sees your see-through blouse and took you somewhere less crowded to help you clean up the mess he put you through.

In a stranger's room upstairs, he locked the door to let you change while he looks for something to dry your clothes with. Luckily, he saw a hairdryer and quickly plugged it in beside the bed and started drying your shirt.

You were conscious for some time, clinging to a stranger's blanket with nothing but your pants underneath it. You watch Jaehyun dry your bra, checking it from time to time if it's ready to go. And when it's finally dry, he hands it to you with an awkward smile but still managed to make your heart beat fast. “I’m really sorry,” he started, a quickly avoided his gaze from you again as you turn your back from him, put down the blanket, and wear your bra like there's no one with you.

“It was an accident, don’t beat yourself up,” you said, there’s no way he’s going to let this go you’re sure of it, so with all your bravery, you came closer to him while he's busy drying your blouse and kissed him on the cheek. “You've been saving me the whole night. You saved me from boredom and from losing and now, you're drying my clothes. So sweet of you,” you added and looked at him sweetly, resting your forehead on his and making the moment even more intense by putting down the blanket in front of him. Allowing him to see you with only wearing your bra and pants, inviting him to make this moment unforgettable for the two of you.

Of course, he's not stupid and did exactly what you had in mind. In one swift moved his lips are on your lips, hands on your shoulders to put your bra straps down, and you unclasped your bra and threw it on the floor before you started to kiss him more intensely.

Jaehyun kissed you exactly how you wanted to be kissed, with want and with lust. His breath and the sound of wet kisses sounded perfect as it surrounds the room. You felt him bite your neck then feel him smile against your skin when his intentions of turning you on even more is working.

Kisses became deeper, playful, and wet when he started to go down to your chest and started kissing the valley between your boobs. His big hands knead your right boob, while his left hand is placed on your waist. Oh when his tongue brushed on your nipple for the first time, you rolled your head back and arched your back as if you wanted him to do more and play more with your boobs.

And just like that the cold night became warm and you feel it getting warmer and warmer by every second and it’s all because of Jaehyun.

He flashed a dimpled smile at you when he saw that you're more than liking what he's doing to you and stopped to open the lampshade. The room was immediately softly illuminated which you thought is romantic even though everything that’s happening right now is totally unplanned.

"Your boobs have spit all over, wait let me get that for you" you were just about to tell him that it's fine but he was quick to remove his shirt and reveal his godlike body right before your eyes. “If you just want to kiss and touch the whole night, I’m fine with that but I am very horny right now that I got you covered with spit,” he said while wiping his spit from your boobs and chest using his shirt.  

If you’re perfectly honest, you’re nervous about what can happen in the next few minutes. But there’s no way in hell that you’re going to let this pass, it’s not every day a handsome man is eager to fuck you. You just have to suck it up, not tell him that you’re a virgin, perform and look like you know what you’re doing. "No, it's fine I'm horny too" and you proved it by kissing him again, cupping his face with both of your hands, and with all your strength you roll on top of him. "Wait here," you said as you push him back on the mattress when he tried to get a hold of you.

You went down from the bed to remove your pants and underwear, he did the same as quickly as he can and you think he's cute for being excited to fuck. You crawled in between his legs, sat nicely on top of him but the impatient guy sat up and met your lips again. One hand supporting his weight, one hand on your waist. "You're so fucking beautiful I'm having a hard time to breath for the last few minutes" he whispers so sexily while kissing your jaw, leaving his mark to remind you the next day about tonight.

For a minute, you felt shy because you've never been naked with someone in bed. But the way Jaehyun kisses you makes you trust him, the way he touches your body with care make you want him more. And again, those fucking lips just made you roll your hips against his hardening cock and it made you both moaned so good that he asked you to do it again. And so you did.

Letting his cock slide in between your folds is a new feeling for you. Not even grinding on your vibrator will give you such an amazing feeling. Grinding on Jaehyun's cock while his mouth plays with your boobs felt fucking good that your grip on his locks tightens but he doesn't care. But for someone untouched like you, you made sure you never forget the feeling whenever his tongue swirls while you roll your hips, how he bites your nipples whenever he feels you're slowing down, and the vibrations that share with you whenever he grunts a little too loud and you feel it all over your body.

Soon Jaehyun switched places with you, putting you underneath him to catch his breath and stop himself from cumming. He reached for your hand and hold it dearly, kissing your knuckles and the back of your hand. “Forgive me if I become rough tonight, I can promise an aftercare don’t worry,” he says and gave you one last kiss before he pulls away and gets the condom from the pocket of his discarded pants. Putting the protection in front of you to assure you, thank goodness to that condom you thought.

As soon as he crawls back in between your legs again, his hand moved around your body like he’s telling you he owns you, smiling in between kisses whenever he accidentally tickles you. Hands slipping in between your thighs and fingers brushed automatically on your very wet slit. You jolt because of the new feeling but careful not to show Jaehyun that this is your first time being finger fucked. So you closed your eyes to avoid his gaze but Jaehyun gave your ass a tight squeeze and put his thumb on your wet slit, admiring how wet he made you already which made you open your eyes again and moan his name deliciously.

“I like the sound of that,” he says, kissing your neck and down Jaehyun goes, kissing your body until he reaches your pussy to give you few licks before he fucks you.

The way he licked your wet folds made your toes curl and your legs spread even wider. Pushing his head away, crushing his head with your legs then spreading it wide again, and begged him but you’re not sure what for.  

“Jae- you eat pussy like a pro” or maybe you’re just telling that because it’s your first time being eaten out. That even the way he puts the right amount of force to stop your legs from closing whenever he flicks his tongue is perfect. And when he saw you relaxing and can handle the pleasure already, his hands cupped both of your boobs and pinched your nipples, making you moan his name loudly “Jae!-“ and arch your back as a sign that you’re almost there, and if he doesn’t stop soon you might cum now.

But of course, Jaehyun didn’t stop and made you cum using his tongue for the first time tonight. Your legs felt like jelly and you can even feel that your pussy is still sensitive. “Thought it’s going to be just a few licks?” you said weakly, wiping your pussy juices from his chin and planting a soft kiss on his lips as a thank you, but he doesn’t know that.

“Changed my mind, you taste good. I might even go for another round-“

And right before he goes down on you again, you stopped him and told him you’re still sensitive. Which thankfully he listened and kissed you instead of licking you. And when you’re finally good to go again, he holds you by your ankles, kiss your neck and touch your body for a few seconds before he finally lines his cock on your very wet slit. Sliding it up and down, teasing you and making you horny and even more aroused.  

When he finally pushed his cock in your hole, Jaehyun thought his dick will slide in smoothly because, one, he thought you’re not a virgin anymore and two, you’re dripping on the sheets but still he’s having a hard time pushing in. Then he saw your face, contorting like you’re in pain rather than seeing you furrow your brows, part your lips, and make beautiful sounds.

For you, it fucking hurts and you would rather suck it up than tell him you’re still a virgin and ruin the mood. But the man on top of you is not stupid and surprisingly he pulled out slowly and came closer to your body once again to face you, “I’m about to be your first time, am I right? You’re so tight and I’ve never encountered a hole like that ever since my first fuck”

Busted you thought. You thought of any more ways to get out of this situation but he looks like he’s okay with it. “Are you mad?” you asked shyly and avoiding his stare.

“No” he admitted, “Actually I’m turned on. But I’ll go slow and sorry if I hurt you at first. Want to try again?”

You nod oh eagerly to his question and finally, you can breathe and enjoy the moment. He gave you a few kisses before he continues and went back to lining his cock, he made you wrap your arms around his neck and asked you to spread your legs even wider. And when he pushed in again, there’s that good stretch you’ve been hearing so much about. The feeling of Jaehyun’s cock go slowly inside you was incredibly good even though he’s not fucking you raw right now.

“The condom is thin-“ he grunts and moaned a few times, “you’re so tight. And fuck you look hot. Does it feel good now?” he whispers and started to roll his hips once which made you both moan and let out sharp gasps.

He fucks you slow and deep until the sting from the stretch is replaced by pleasure. You rake his body with your nails, holding him on his nape, and grab a fistful of hair whenever he tries to give you a powerful thrust which you loved so you asked for more.

He sat on his knees and pull away from your body then immediately gave you a hard thrust, watching your boobs bounce with lidded eyes, kneading them whenever he wants to. In a matter of few minutes, his thrust became animalistic that your head is dangling on the edge of the bed, moaning and gasping sharply but the man above you kept on fucking you hard, savoring the condom and trying not to cum so soon. So whenever he’s on edge, he pulls out immediately and spreads kisses around your body, sucking your boobs until your nipples are swollen, playing with your slit until you’re cumming for the third time tonight using his fingers.

“Not yet, I want more time with you,” he says while kissing your neck and reaching for your hand to intertwine it with his.

“Jaehyun, I can’t take it anymore. Please cum already” you begged with ragged breaths.

“Fine, fine. Since you asked nicely, but promise me to give me your number after we fuck”

“I will if you make me cum using your dick” he was amused by your answer and effortlessly flipped you on your stomach and asked you to put your ass in the air. He kissed your shoulders first, making you feel safe before the grand finale. Hands on your ass while he slowly thrust in again and fuck, he does make your knees weak.

“You were just a virgin a few minutes ago, but now you’re begging huh, okay” he says before he gave you a hard thrust that made you land flat on your stomach but he was quick to lift your hips again and give you another hard thrust.

Thrust after thrust you feel the impact in your body and for sure your body will be sore the next day. You call his name over and over again but you’re not sure what you’re begging for because he is fucking you good. Hard but good. And when finally Jaehyun is on edge for the nth time tonight, he did not pull out and kept fucking you but this time he doubled his pace that you can only hear skin slapping and his beautiful moans.

“Fuck Jaehyun- I’m cumming again, don’t you dare fucking stop” you grip the sheets and arch your back more, taking every thrust Jaehyun gives you and shut your eyes close as you let go and cum for the fourth time tonight.

Thrust

Thrust

Thrust

He gave you three powerful thrusts before you both flop on the mattress and catch your breath together. Your bodies were warm and sweaty, the room smelled like sex but no one cares. You feel bad to the owner of this bed.

While you catch your breath and calm yourself down, Jaehyun busies himself with discarding the condom and looking for something to cover your exposed body before he makes a wrong decision like asking you for round two.

“Thanks” you said weakly when he covered you with the blanket.

“I hope you’re okay with me being your first” he says and lies beside you again, keeping you close to him.

“I’m more than okay with it” you kissed him on the lips like you’re keeping a souvenir, “I hate to ruin this moment that we shared but, we have to go back to the party” you watch him shook his head no and pretended to be asleep, “Mhmm. Come on, I’ll help you get dressed” you added.

To be perfectly honest Jaehyun wanted to stay with you for a few more minutes, he wanted to know more about you, he wanted to hold your hand just a little bit longer. “Stay with me” he asks of you, but you refused with a heavy heart. You exchanged cellphone numbers of course, but when you two got back to the party, hand in hand and back to flirting with each other, your friends are quick to get a hold of you. and the next thing you know you’re inside your friend’s car, on your way home and you couldn’t stop thinking about him.

On the next day, you woke up very sore and you couldn’t walk properly but the thought of what happened last night just makes you smile and all giggly. You waited for his text the whole day, checking your phone from time to time and hoping that whenever it beeps, Jaehyun’s name is on the screen but no.

You thought that waiting for him for a day is normal, maybe he got hungover and slept the whole day. But after a few days later, still you got no texts from him and that part is not normal anymore. You started to think that you’re just a one-time thing for him and you feel stupid for even thinking that Jaehyun can and eventually pursue you.

Everything that happened that night, should be forgotten and you should enjoy the remaining months of your summer before you finally move in to your college dorm. On top of that, you deleted his number and tried to forget the man who made you feel good in bed for the first time.

Now that you’re weeks away from officially being a college student, you decided to settle in your college dorm as early as now so you can have more time to know your dorm mates. Little did you know, that the world is incredibly small and you will end up being dorm mates with Jaehyun alongside his best friend Johnny who welcomed you with a big bear hug like you’ve known each other for years.

It’s not that you weren’t happy to see him when he opened the door for you, it’s just that... it was such an awkward moment because you’ve seen each other naked and... he didn’t call you back. Nonetheless, you pretended to know each other for the first time today, shake his hand and give him a hug. Which you didn’t want to end so soon.

“Hey, uhm… glad to see you settle in” he started and closed your door so Johnny would not hear whatever conversation you’re about to have.

“Yeah, thank you for welcoming me warmly. Johnny is sweet by the way” you said awkwardly while folding your clothes and putting them in your cabinet.

“Uh, about that. Uhm, can you uh-“

“Not tell him that something happened between us?” he nods slowly at what you said, “sure” you wanted to scoff so bad and throw a fit at him, but you didn’t want to ruin your move in day and just shrugged it off.

Starting that day, you tried your best not to be awkward with Jaehyun and really try your best to forget about the sex. The sex that felt good, the sex that can make your toes curl by just merely thinking about it. Although you had a hard time because whenever you touch yourself at night, you remember everything that happened between you two and you end up fantasizing about fucking Jaehyun again. But now that you’re living with him and you see him every day, it's not just about the sex now.

During the summer you were convinced that Jaehyun is a guy who had sex with you and left you hanging. But seeing him every day and knowing him even more by living together, the truth about Jaehyun slapped you so hard that you even liked him even more now. He is a warm person, whose heart is full of care and compassion, or maybe even more than that.

Eventually, you did forget about the sex and your little crush on Jaehyun. Thank goodness, you thought. You couldn’t have done it without a few hookups during your freshman year. And when everything is all nice and pleasant again between you and Jaehyun, you became good friends and started to look after each other.

You were like family in that small dorm during your starting years together. The two giant knows how to cook so a good meal is never a problem, you have study sessions whenever it’s needed and whenever someone is going through something, you were there for each other.

It was great and comforting because you do everything together. But not until Jaehyun realized that he’s not immune to your charms anymore and now he’s falling for you. Hard.

Over the years of living together, Jaehyun saw your true colors. Now he knows you’re more than just a hookup. You were a gem that he found in a stranger’s party and he was such a fool for not calling you back during the summer. It’s true what they say that regrets are always at the end. Now he can only admire you and love you in ways where he can’t ruin this amazing friendship that you have.

Jaehyun endured every heartbreak whenever he sees you with another man or hearing you moan from the other side of the room whenever you and your boyfriend have sex. And when that jerk broke your heart, his broke two times than yours because he can’t do anything to ease your pain, make you realize your true worth and help you move on.

“You don’t need that guy,” Jaehyun says as he pulls you for a hug while Johnny massages your toes. The two giants were a good support system, not to mention they really want to beat your ex’s butt but you told them ‘thanks but, no don’t do that’. And while you’re crying in Jaehyun’s arms, staining his hoodie with your tears, he promised to himself that he will never hurt you or make you cry.

Now that he’s frustrated and mad at himself because he can’t help you, he decided to help himself instead. He watched on the sides and used different girls to make him forget about you, which is hardly impossible by now because even the little things you do make him crazy. Like whenever you ask him to eat dinner with you when Johnny is out for work, or whenever you take care of him when he goes home batshit drunk and can’t even stand up straight.

For Jaehyun, his college years were all about yearning. Yearning for you, your attention, your touch, and your love. But even though you’re now single and have already moved on from your ex, he still can’t confess his feelings for you because he believes that you deserve someone better than him. Jaehyun knew he hurt you already, and he will not forgive himself if he does it again.  

Senior year

In a middle of a busy cafeteria, you, Johnny, and Jaehyun are thinking of ways how to earn money for your dorm rent. This semester made you guys bring out a lot of cash because of books and some of your rent money was needed to sacrifice for education. But now that you guys are a month late with your rent, you have no idea where to get cash knowing all too well that your parents won’t chip in.

“I could sell some of my clothes” Jaehyun suggested while drinking his coffee.

“Dude your clothes are all black, no one would ever buy those” Johnny bites back just to annoy his friend. “Though girls will buy it because it’s from you-“

“Stop it with your nonsense John”

“Or! You can sell some of your nudes, I already know a lot of buyers” Johnny added with an annoying smile.

“Or you two can just fuck each other because you’re the hottest guys on campus but your asses are broke” you tease them further but you have no idea that you just gave out the solution to all your problems. “What?” you asked them as they both smile at you, shy for no reason, and eyeing each other like they’re having a secret conversation using their eyes.

Johnny clears his throat before he starts, “You just suggested to make porn… and porn is good money. A few students do it these days” he clears his throat again before he continues, “We know because we watch porn-“

“Okay, I don’t need to know that part. What are you saying? Are you suggesting we make porn?” you said, eyes big as you look at them.  

“You suggested it. Not us. But yeah. It’s good money Y/n” Johnny once again explained.

“Well, okay. I’ll hold the camera while you two fuck. How do we do this?” you avoid their eyes as your body heats the more you talk.

“Nuh-uh, I’m not fucking Johnny” Jaehyun announces.

“Nope. Me too I’m not fucking Jaehyun, you choose Y/n. No hard feelings, but consider the size” he winks but you know that he’s just joking.

Good thing the awkward conversation was cut when your alarm went off and you have to go to your next class. You gather your stuff and told them to think of better ways to earn money because there’s no way you’re having sex with any of them. Especially not with Jaehyun.

The idea of making money through porn crosses your mind every five minutes and you can’t concentrate with your class. Plus, your landlord kept on sending messages reminding you that in three days, you’re going to be two months late with the rent. But still, whenever you imagine having sex with any of them, it gives you great goosebumps and you can’t handle the awkwardness anymore.

After your class, you were spacing out and still weighing things over regarding the porn making, and unexpectedly, one of your friends brought up ‘amateur porn’ and you’ve never been so nervous in your life. She was talking about how she and her boyfriend went live for a good twenty minutes and they made loads of cash, “and guess what, it’s all for fun! We were really just fooling around but apparently, people do love those kinds of stuff and they pay good money”

Your mouth almost fell when she mentioned the cash they earned for only twenty minutes. And in that twenty minutes, you can cover one month's rent pay already. You just have to cum in front of thousands of people. So with a mind blinded by the possibility of earning too much cash, you said yes to the idea of making porn. The only question is, with whom?

Johnny and Jaehyun stood in front of you as they wait for your answer after telling them what your friend told you about making porn. Of course you picked Jaehyun. Not because you miss him, and not because you have history, but because you don’t want to be awkward with Johnny. While Jaehyun on the other hand is feeling proud and hopeful behind that poker face of his, he thought that you chose him because you already know what’s in store for you if you fuck with him again and of course he thought that maybe you miss him.

“Johnny doesn’t really need to hold the camera for us right? We can just place it, and secure it somewhere” you added and watch Jaehyun agree without looking at you.

“You two have the place tomorrow night then. M-make sure you raise the quota and cover three months of payment... for safety” Johnny says to Jaehyun and you with a smile that says, ‘thank goodness I didn’t have to watch you both fuck’.

Before you sleep tonight, unexpectedly Jaehyun paid you a visit. And there’s that nervous feeling again, you feel like you’re back in your freshman days when you don’t know what to do whenever you see Jaehyun and you just have to pretend that nothing is bothering you.

Breathing in and out, you opened the door quickly and went back to your bed and under the covers to cover your exposed legs. Little did you know that Jaehyun already saw that you’re not wearing anything besides your lacy panties and an oversized shirt.

“Your ears are red,” you teased him.

“Well next time you should wear pajamas instead of your underwear to sleep” he winked and placed the mask that you’re going to be using tomorrow and sat on the edge of your bed.  

“What are you? A stranger? You’re so far, come here” you invited him under your sheets and lie in bed face to face like nothings bothering you two. You put your hand above his head and feel his soft locks, careful not to grip so hard and hurt the man you used to have feelings for.

This is why Jaehyun can’t move on from you. You always make him feel like he’s your favorite person in the world.

“Are you going to leave me hanging again after we have sex tomorrow?” You confronted him.

“That’s impossible now, we live together” he giggles and catches your hand so he could hold it.

“Just promise me after the sex tomorrow we’ll still be friends” you felt his grip loosen up like he became hopeless like he didn’t like what you just said.

“I was actually going to say that I want us to try again. Get things right this time”

And in that very moment, your world stopped and your body feels hot, suddenly you’re sweating and your heart is beating faster. To be honest you don’t know what to say.

Then,

“Kidding. I’m kidding. Just making you laugh before you sleep, and y-yeah. I promise nothing will change between us, cross my heart” he got up from your bed, turned off the lights and turned on your lampshade. “Sleep well okay?”

And just like that, he left again. You don’t know if you were relieved that it was only a joke or your heart broke because deep inside, you’re waiting for him to tell you that ever since Freshman year. Nonetheless, you do what you do best. Sleep it off and pretend nothing happened.

On the next day, you were at the kitchen preparing breakfast and spacing out while you flip pancakes. Most of them got burnt and you blame Jaehyun for that.

“I told you to sleep, didn’t I?”

There he goes again, startling you and flashing a very handsome smile at you like you’re not about to do something stupid later. “Johnny went to work early and took an overtime tonight just so you won’t get shy” he hands you a glass of water, figured you might need one because you looked so tensed.

“We can always text him when we're done” you added, he nods. And there’s the awkward silence again.

You finish your breakfast in one go, not even looking at Jaehyun. Usually, during breakfast, you talk mostly about your plans within the day but given the situation right now, obviously, you don’t want to know his plans because that includes you. Good thing the day went on normally. You cleaned the living room, he cleaned the kitchen, you cleaned your room, he cleaned his. You saw him changing his bedsheets and you think that’s a sweet gesture, you wanted to tease him but that won’t help you with your nervousness so you just smiled at him when he caught you looking.

When it’s finally afternoon and you’re going to fuck live in a few minutes, you were surprised at what he did to his room just so you won’t get nervous anymore. The golden ray of afternoon light was perfect and helped you calm in no time, Jaehyun lit some scented candles and lowered the thermostat of his air conditioning so you won’t get cold.

“Thought I should make this special- not that I’m saying our first wasn’t “ he rambles and scratches his head, ears turning red and now you can see that he’s nervous too. “But come on, I want to do right for you” he caresses your shoulders and nods his head as a signal that you two needed to start.

The mood was nothing like your first, there was no sexual tension or any sign of desire to fuck each other. In other words, he looked like he’s just doing this for the dorm rent and you are too. That’s why maybe stripping in front of Jaehyun while your back is against him was easier than you thought. But you didn’t know that the man was craving for you. He wanted to be the one removing your clothes while his lips roam on your neck, make you feel good and wanted just before the live starts. He wanted to do that.

“Remember your promise okay?” You put on your mask and Jaehyun did too. He was still fully clothed and while you’re lying in his bed comfortably, watching him strip in front of you but not for you. The camera is right above your head so the viewers can imagine that they are the ones having sex with Jaehyun. If that won't give you a lot of money then you don’t know what will.

Jaehyun was a natural, you wanted to tell him that he does look like a pornstar but you’re not allowed to talk. When he finally crawled on the bed, straight between your legs and spread them according to his want, a shiver went straight to your spine and immediately made you wet. He shamelessly kissed your inner thighs first and went all the way up until he reaches your lips.

Finally. You both thought.

But his kisses were different and you wonder why. You feel like you’re not kissing Jaehyun because you know how his kiss can affect you, although his touch was still the same. He can still make you jolt and part your lips with just using his fingers and a few teasing here and there. And when he finally put his cock inside you, that’s the part where you finally believe that Jaehyun is indeed the one in bed with you right now. You will never forget how that cock feels inside you, “I miss you” he whispered very softly, hoping that the viewers did not hear it.

Time flies so fast that the live will end in ten minutes now and Jaehyun has been fucking you deep and slow like he’s savoring the feeling again. When you heard him grunt and moan, that made your toes curl and clench accidentally around him. Making him groan a little louder and fuck you a bit faster. You moaned so loud just so he knows you’re very much close to your high, and in just a few minutes you both cum together and the next thing you know he’s pulling out and letting his cum land on top of your pussy lips for the viewer’s pleasure.

Fuck you wish he didn’t pull out.

He grabbed his phone from above you and turned the damn timer off because you may not know, but the timer was screaming at him that his time with you is over. You removed your mask and he removed his too. And there you saw tears in his eyes, or maybe those are sweat? Nonetheless, you asked him what’s wrong and made him look at you. But instead of answering your question, he kissed you. Hands on both sides and cupping your face as he kisses you deeper.

And there’s that kiss you’ve been waiting for. The kiss that you’ve been wanting to experience again for years and years. You shouldn’t be happy, but you’re actually genuinely happy that your rent pay is late and you get to do this again with Jaehyun.

“I missed you too” finally you said it.

He smiled so sweetly to you and went back to the kiss, spreading your legs again, checking your slit if you’re still wet. And without further ado, he thrust in. Slowly again, but this time he’s proving a point. Like he’s telling you something. And now that you can see his face, you can’t help but feel excited and the butterflies in your stomach are very much excited too that you were smiling in between kisses.

“Ride me” he says, and effortlessly he trades places with you. Holding you on your back, lips still locked like you’re not planning to stop any time soon. And for your own pleasure, you guided his hands and made him knead your boobs. He did more than kneading, Jaehyun sucked your nipples and pinched them to hear you moan.

“A lot has changed Jae” you said, pushing him down to the mattress and intertwined your fingers with his, kissed them and placed them on your hips. You started rolling your hips without a warning, making the man underneath you close his eyes and part his lips. There are many things you wanted to do with him now that you had the privilege to ride him, but you decided to go hard because this might be the last time you’re going to fuck Jaehyun again.

You ride him like you didn’t have sex for years. Skin slapping from rolling your hips faster than he expected, letting your boobs bounce in front of him and letting him touch them whenever he wants to. “It’s hard to pull out when you’re on top, want to switch places?” He was struggling to talk, obviously he’s trying so hard not to cum yet but you’re good at what you’re doing.

“Not tonight” and that promise just made Jaehyun moan deliciously like he’s excited to cum now just so he can experience cumming inside you.

“Y-yeah. That’s right Y/n fuck me. Oh you fuck me so good! Shit- why did I ever let you go. Fuck”

The thing is, you love seeing him all fucked up and love hearing him praise the way you fuck him... but he chose the wrong words. And those words went straight to your heart. The words ‘Why did I ever let you go?’ repeated over and over again while you ride so fast that you’re overstimulating him already. He was begging for you to stop but it was too late when you heard him.

When you finally stopped, you see his cum dripping from your pussy even though you’re not yet removing his cock from you. You catch your breath for a second and came closer to Jaehyun. Good thing he has enough strength to hug you and roll you to the mattress so he could have the honor to pull his cock out.

“You’re right a lot has changed,” he says because his silly crush on you grew and grew and now he’s completely in love with you. “Let’s not shower together, I’m afraid I’ll lure you to have shower sex with me”

“And what’s so wrong about that” you bite back.

“Oh so you’re confident now huh,” he kissed you once again, and shit you never want him to leave your lips.

But every good thing comes to an end. You went back to your room and showered separately, as planned and when you went to the living room, he was all cleaned up and looking so fresh. He was wearing his glasses, hair almost covering his eyes, he looked cozy in his oversized shirt and his favorite plaid pajamas. “Come here,” He pats the seat next to him, signaling you to come watch Netflix with him. Surprisingly, his arms wrapped around you and kept you close to him, subtly smelling your shampoo. He giggled at the thought of imagining you taking a shower while smiling because the sex was fucking awesome.

He played a movie and watched it with you just so he can still keep you close to him. Not even halfway through the movie, he caught you sleeping soundly on his lap and slowly covered your exposed legs with the blanket on the couch. He pats and pats your head until his attention was no longer in the movie that he’s watching but his mind lingers to what happened earlier and eventually fell asleep beside you too.

It was very late when Johnny went home and caught you two all snuggled up on the couch, snoring and slept through to what you were watching. He had a hunch that you two had a great time, smiled and turned off the TV, and wished you both a good night's sleep.

“I have bad news” Johnny announces as you and Jaehyun wake up together on the couch, all smiles and in an incredibly good mood but Johnny was quick to ruin that. “The money you earned from yesterday’s live was not enough”

You don’t know why Jaehyun was still smiling at you even though what Johnny just told you completely ruined your day already. “That’s not bad news, right?” He whispers to you and gave you a look. “I’m okay with doing it again until we cover everything” Jaehyun says to Johnny while you three sit in front of each other, drinking your coffees.

“I’ll work double shifts at the radio station- are you fine with doing it again Y/n?” Johnny asks, and for a second there you feel like you’re in the hot seat.

“Y-yeah. I’m okay with it” you scratch your nape and awkwardly sip your coffee, “it’s easy money, I think if we do more lives we can cover three months pay”

“More lives it is. Don’t worry John, I’ll take other slots at the radio station too for groceries and stuff” Jaehyun added.

The live fucking continues and so is fooling around with Jaehyun, having better sex every after going live and whenever Johnny is not around. It’s like playing with fire, but you don’t exactly know if what you’re doing is wrong or right because you’re both single, so why are you guys hiding? You don’t get it, but you just go with the flow, enjoy what’s happening and hope for the best.

Every sex you have grown more and more intense to the point that your beds are moving and that gives you better reviews in live fucking. Not to mention the money is better now and you’re saving up faster than expected. But whenever the camera is off and you’re having sex without an audience, you guys fuck like you’re together and you love each other.

Sweet love bites here and there, sincere praises and longer kisses. For Jaehyun he feels like he’s having a dream because he gets to do the things he wanted to do with you. Remove your clothes while kissing you, whisper the things he has been holding back to say for years, and make you feel loved and important.

And just like the sex, your cuddling session became even warmer and sweeter. Cuddling after you take a shower has always been your thing, he visits you in your room with damped hair and you help him dry his hair, Netflix and chill, or order in and have a great meal together.

Days went by and you’re getting used to this sweet Jaehyun and you well know that’s dangerous. But you love every dangerous thing about Jaehyun. The following days grew extremely sweet and intimate. You sleep in his room every night and basically do everything together from now on. The only time you two were apart is during class hours but after that, Jaehyun is right outside your classroom waiting for you.

“What are you doing?” you giggle and try to finish the book you’re reading in bed when Jaehyun suddenly entered your room, crawled on your bed, and went in between your legs. Removing your glasses for safety, inviting you to fuck while Jaehyun nibs your ear and caress your legs. Oh his kisses always make your head turn and ask for more.

“Johnny is not around and I just took a shower, hmm? What do you say?” He uses that cute tone that can always make you stop what you’re doing and say yes to him. Forget the book, you can finish it later.

Removing your shorts and underwear while he continuously kisses you, smiling and giggling while he whispers ‘you always look pretty’ before he removes your shirt and exposes your boobs to him. You tried getting up and help him remove his clothes, but he stopped you and kissed you down on the mattress. “Nu-uh. Stay there I’ll treat you good tonight” he winked and proceeds to remove his clothes in between your spread legs, your hands roam freely in his well sculpted and fucking beautiful body.

Then he reached for your phone and took a nice picture while you two are kissing. The sound of the camera clicking made your eyes open, “send me this picture later. So I can stop missing you” you smiled and nod, then Jaehyun took one too many pictures so he could focus on you again. When he’s finally contented with all the pictures he got, he finally thrust in deep and slow while his mouth is sucking one of your nipples and he looks incredibly handsome.

This time, it’s you who grabbed your phone and took some pictures of him sucking your boobs and making you feel good, taking some pictures of his cock inside your pussy while he thrusts. Jaehyun had the idea of taking a video while you two fuck but this time, it’s for his and your eyes only. He took the phone from you and recorded how he fucks you good, and did not miss the part where you part your lips and moan.

“Jaehyun I’m almost there” you moan out, fingerings raking his nape or on his beautiful body. He puts the camera on the bedside table with a perfect angle of him fucking you, without masks or any cover. He intertwines his fingers with yours before he fucks you hard and fast. The camera that’s recording everything was completely forgotten and Jaehyun focused on making you feel good, making you cum at least two times using his dick and his fingers.

After your second high you were so exhausted that you were breathing heavily and Jaehyun is helping you to calm down while kissing your boobs and sucking them playfully. Even your cute moments like this was caught on camera and Jaehyun was more than happy about it.

“You okay? Want to cum for the third time?” He reached for your phone, stop the recording and went back in between your legs again and kiss you wherever he wants. You didn’t answer him ‘yes’ because to be completely honest you were still exhausted and he understood you well. For a good quiet minutes he was just staring at you, flashing his dimples, raking his fluffy hair and biting his lips at the same time. The silence felt good and not the usual awkward silence you have.

“The next live that we will be doing is going to be our last. And our dorm rent will be settled in no time” he started.

“And?”

“I’ll miss you”

Ouch. You wish he kept the quietness and peace instead. Just as you thought that life will now let you be with Jaehyun peacefully, here comes the heartbreak again. Truth is Jaehyun is still scared and very much afraid to hurt you that’s why he just wanted to fix himself before he could date you officially. He didn’t want to pursue his feeling with you just because you did porn together and fucked live, no you deserve better than that.

He loves you. So much, but he’s not ready yet.

You wanted to shout at him and asked him what else does he want from you? He is so good at making you feel like you’re always not enough for him and that makes your mind go crazy. He did it again. He left you hanging again when you’ve completely fallen in love with him. Turns out he’s not willing and ready to catch you. But as usual, you do what you do best. Shrugged it off and continue to live like it’s not bothering you.  

The live fucking and porn making stopped for a while because you and Jaehyun have final exams. And the awkwardness between you and Jaehyun came back in no time, nonetheless, it was a good week to have a breather and to let yourself think straight. But still, you can’t help but think about everything and miss Jaehyun.

“Are you on your way home?” Johnny asks Jaehyun through the phone.

“Yeah, just buying us dinner”  

“Good. Y/n is on her period”

“Am I suppose to be happy because I didn’t get her pregnant?” He chuckled proudly and having no clue what Johnny was saying.

“Take care of her she has period cramps dumb ass!“

“Oh right- right… sorry. Okay, yeah”

When Jaehyun arrived with the stuff that Johnny told him to buy for you and the dinner Jaehyun bought you, you were twisting in hurt inside your room grunting and very vocal about the pain while you hug the hot compress Johnny left you when Jaehyun entered your room.

“Ah- fuck it hurts” you groan and curl yourself, pressing that hot compress more on your lower abdomen and endure your period cramps. Jaehyun is just so sweet to stay beside you and rub your back while he watches you suffer.

“I want to help. Do you need anything other than that hot compress?” He was concerned and willing to make you feel better.

“Nothing I’m fine. You’re so sweet” you said in a little irritated tone but you’re not actually irritated with him. He scrolls through his phone with one hand, while the other is rubbing and caressing your back to give you comfort.

“Google says sex is good when-“

“I’m not having period sex with you, Jaehyun” but you do want him to touch you. Stupid hormones. Stupid period. It just makes you crave for him even more, desperate for even a kiss, or even just with his body closer to you.

“Are you horny?” He asks without shame, smiling at you and hoping that you say yes.

“I am” you admitted

“Just say yes, I got you” he was like seducing you, luring you to sin with him tonight while you bleed. And you like it.

“Okay” you answered softly. Shy but he knew you’re not that type anymore.

Jaehyun scoop over and went under the covers with you. Giving you that warmth that you need, making your body warm and comfortable, and basically giving everything you want. He intertwines his fingers with you, kissed your knuckles, and then your lips. Softly. Slowly. It’s every girl’s dream kiss. And just like his kiss, his hand creeps under the covers, all the way down until he reaches your thighs and spread one leg to gain access to your hole.

“W-wait. Let me just remove the tampon” shyly you inform him and discarded it quickly under the covers and throw it into the trash bin. Going back to the comfort that Jaeyun is giving you, his hand went back in between your legs and tease your clothed slit the moment you’re back under the covers. Smiling so handsomely and innocently while he lies beside you like he’s not doing something lustful under the covers.

“Do you think this will work-“ and just before you finish your question, Jaehyun ran a finger on your very wet slit which turned him on immediately. He flicked his finger, drawing small circles in your nub and listening to you moan while your grip on the sheets tightens and try your best not to close your legs.

“Do you like this?” his lips were very close to your neck and the way he talks to you was so sultry that even his words can make you moan.

“Mhmm. F-fuck Jae, my clit is sensitive” but your legs say others wise because you spread them even more under the covers and your hips voluntarily move to meet his fingers. When he felt your legs shake and hear your moans become higher than usual, he figured you were close, went on top of you and started to hump your thigh while his hand is inside your now ruined panties reaching deep in your hole making you feel good and over sensitive. Jaehyun grunted so loud and moaned deliciously beside your ear, moving his hips like how he fucks you and you feel his hard cock poke your thigh from the inside of his pants. Soon, Jaehyun came inside his pants and did not care about being embarrassed.

While you were coming down from your high, the man on top of you kept kissing you like you’re all that matters to him. Even though you well know that you’re just fooling yourself.

The night ended with Jaehyun sleeping beside you and further taking care of you after you both cleanup. But you woke up the next day without him beside you and thankfully, Johnny came out of nowhere to rescue you from your ugly thoughts. He came into your room with a cup of coffee and some bread for you, smiling like he has no problems in life and to be honest, you love how he’s always like this.

Since both of you don’t have classes today, you went to the groceries with Johnny and had a nice dinner at a fast food he loves. It felt great. It felt great to be with a guy who’s not Jaehyun. The man always keeps you on your toes and you feel like your head is always in the clouds whenever you’re with him but Johnny, he keeps you grounded.

“Shoot. The landlord is really testing me- he wants the money tonight or else they have to kick us out tomorrow. Fuck!” He says typing aggressively on his phone, telling Jaehyun immediately.

“Were not due until next week why are they doing this to us. We have no choice but to go live then” you said calmly, unbothered as much as possible because you just want this to be over now and move on from Jaehyun.

“You can't. You have your period and Jaehyun is not available- fuck why is he not picking up”

“There are other ways to make a guy cum Johnny. I’m sure you know that” you chuckle and shook your head in disbelief.

“Still, Jaehyun is not answering” he gave up and put down his phone.

“Well you’re available. I just want this to be over Johnny” clearly he didn’t expect you to suggest such a thing. You continue to eat your food in silence and so is the man in front of you. Obviously, he was bothered with what you suggested but it appears that he has no choice. You watch him fidget on his phone, maybe he’s not yet done contacting Jaehyun and still hoping that his friend will end up last minute but...

“Okay” he let a sigh of relief, “I texted Jaehyun that well do it but we're not going to uhm- uh, fuck. Blow job then? No more, no less? A bit of kissing maybe. Tell me what do you want? I’ll be able to do this comfortably if I know that you like what I’m doing to you”

“Hmm. Okay, let’s start by... be gentle with me. You’re a big guy and you know... what I mean”

“I may be big physically but I’m warm on the inside, being gentle is not a problem” he smiles and pour you a glass of water before he asks for the bill. “What else?” he added.

“Touch me, don’t hesitate. If you feel like my jaw needs rest then you can tell me to stop” he nods and told you he will surely not forget about that.

The conversation went on until you reached home and get ready for the live. Unlike Jaehyun who made you feel so nervous the day you had your first live with him, Johnny makes you feel calm and comfortable the whole time.

Now that you’re in front of Johnny, half naked with only your panties and your mask on, everything happened perfectly. It wasn’t perfect but it wasn’t awkward too, and quite frankly you had fun with Johnny. Even though the audience noticed that you’re not with Jaehyun right now, they can’t help but love Johnny’s hot body too and the way he fuck your face gently in front of the camera. Hands cupping both sides of your face as he thrust his long, hard and veiny cock in your mouth. Smiling through the pleasure whenever you purposely swirl your tongue and bob your head aggressively.

After the cum-filled and messy live with Johnny, you wired the money to your landlord immediately and secure the rent for good until the three of you graduates. Now you and Johnny can breathe normally after cleaning up and enjoy the warmth of your bed. “Do you like Jaehyun?” He blurted out, trying not to look at your exposed boobs but you roll your body and face the ceiling and so his efforts went to waste.

“Yeah but I don’t think he likes me enough. Y-you know what I mean” he shook his head to tell you he has no idea about Jaehyun’s intentions with you.

“Just have patience with him if you like him, after all, you’re the only girl that can do this to him”

“Do what?” you ask with eagerness.

“Did you really think that I won't notice you two fucking behind my back?” You laughed at what he said and laughed your shyness away, “but it’s alright. I figured maybe you like each other so I didn’t dare stop you two”

The giggling and laughing with Johnny under the soft light of your lampshade continued until you passed out and Johnny was the one who helped you get dressed. And on the same night, Jaehyun heard and saw you and Johnny laugh over a half closed door. Seeing your bodies close to each other made his blood boil and became jealous in no time. That’s why on the next day, Jaehyun was expressing his anger while you three are gathered in the kitchen. He’s not saying a word, but he kept on closing the cabinets a little too rough while he prepares his meal. Then it hit you, he’s jealous.

You confronted him and went to his room, closed and locked the door so Johnny won't hear the unpleasant conversation you’re about to have with Jaehyun. “Don’t be angry with Johnny, I’m the one who suggested it-“

“Like that’s going to make me feel better Y/n. Get out, you’re wasting your time” he turned his back and proceeds to fix his bed.

“It’s not like we cheated Jae. Were not together” you blurted as calm as possible. Little did you know that you just triggered something in him that makes him want to punch a wall and pour his anger out but he can’t. At least not in front of you. So instead, he shouted at you. So loud that you got scared for a second there.

“You know, I’m always afraid to hurt you but you! You don’t care if you hurt me!”

“Don’t act as if you love me, Jae. You never did. You never even tried!” You shouted back and walked away towards his door, banging it and walked straight to your room with tears in your eyes.

The fight was short but unforgettable.

Later that day, Jaehyun got worried when you didn’t eat lunch and dinner and your door was still locked and he can hear you crying from the other side. He kept on knocking at your door until you got annoyed and unlocked it but you covered yourself with your thick sheets.

“Come on why are you crying? Don’t cry over a stupid guy like me you don’t deserve it. I’m sorry” you feel his embrace and rub your back so you know that he’s sincere. And finally, you removed the sheets but still, you don’t want to look him in the eye.

You have a lot of questions for Jaehyun, and you think now is the perfect time to cry it all out and let him know what he’s doing to you. Why he didn’t text you back the night after you fuck for the first time, why he never ask you out when he promised he would, why he’s jealous all of a sudden.

FLASHBACK (In the middle of junior year)

It was very late already and some crazy person is ringing your doorbell nonstop. This couldn’t be Jaehyun or Johnny obviously they don’t need to ring the doorbell because they live here and they know the code. That’s why you were surprised that Jaehyun is the one ringing it and turns out he is batshit drunk and can’t even remember the code. “Where is Johnny when you need him” you murmur, “Jae, help yourself too. I can’t carry you all the way up to the fourth floor,” you said sternly to the handsome guy clinging on to you, breath smells like alcohol, eyes lidded but can still appreciate your beautiful face.

When you finally carried him successfully back to your place, without any hesitation he puked on your sleepwear and smiled so sweetly at you like he did nothing wrong. You wanted to slap him and wake him from his drunken state but Jaehyun was quick with his hands and unbutton your sleepwear and used it to wipe the small amount of puke on the floor.

You cover yourself with your arms and walked straight to your room and get a clean shirt before you take care of Jaehyun. He was murmuring “sorry” as he sees you walk away from him and weakly sit on the floor with dirty clothes and hope that you will come back to him.

When he sees you all dressed up again with a damped cloth on your hand, he smiled and spread his arms like he’s about to give you a hug. “Why are you acting cute- here hold this while I remove your socks” you hand him the damped cloth and proceed to remove his dirty socks and throw it with your dirty sleepwear. He looks at you lovingly as you wipe his face with the utmost care, looking at your lips and thinking about kissing it but no. He may be drunk but he won’t do that to you.

“Go on a date with me,” he says while you continue to wipe his face and help him take off his hoodie. You giggle and boops his nose before you stand and help him to get on his feet, “try asking me again when you’re sober” you opened his room door and told him to don’t forget to change his pants and greet him good night.

But after a few minutes, you’re all tucked in bed and half asleep already when you feel a pair of arms cage you. You can still smell his breath and figured maybe Jaehyun is clingy like this whenever he’s really drunk, which rarely happens.

“It's so sweet, knowing that you love me. Though we don't need to say it to each other, sweet. Knowing that I love you, and running my fingers through your hair. It's so sweet” he sings a few lines from Sweet by Cigarettes After Sex and smells your hair until his breath tickles your nape.

Sweet. He’s not only clingy while he’s drunk, but he’s sweet too. “I think I like you more when you’re rarely this drunk” you turn your body and faced him. Seeing Jaehyun with sleepy eyes, lips curved in a weak smile, but arms conscious enough to keep you near him.

“Then I’ll get drunk every day if that makes you love me”

But on the next day, he just thanked you for taking care of him and forgot about the date. And on the next few days and following weeks, you hear him fuck different girls and have one night stands every now and then.

BACK TO PRESENT TIME SENIOR YEAR

“I keep on hurting you I’m sorry. Don’t cry, please. I hate that I’m hurting you. This is the reason why I can’t pursue my feelings for you. I’m a mess and I’m not ready”

And just as you thought that this day couldn’t get any worse. It just did. You look at Jaehyun as he tells you the truth and admits his true feelings with you. How he fell in love with you but chose not to pursue his feelings because he’s not ready and you deserve better. And from there you stopped listening to him and told him to leave you alone. Jaehyun was speechless and hopeless, he wanted to explain and express his long bottled feelings for you but you don’t want to.

All this time you thought that it’s you who’s lacking that’s why he can’t even try and ask you out. But now that you know the truth and he would rather make you feel small than swallow his pride and try to make things work with you, well you just can’t be around him anymore.

Graduation is approaching near and your dorm has been quiet ever since you finished paying the rent and Jaehyun got mad because of what you and Johnny did. You look at the quiet place while you eat your instant noodle and reminisce the good days you spent with the two giants who made your college years unforgettable and happy. Actually, they even made your life easier.

Days become even more lonely now that Jaehyun and Johnny became busy with their last requirements and you’ve been alone for a few days now. You wake up without the two boys, go to class or run some errands, they go home but you’re not home, and by the time you arrive home they have shifts to the radio station again.

Today is your birthday and you spend it with some of your classmates which are all sweet and you treat them to dinner. Johnny left a bouquet of flowers on your bed before he left for work, together with a sweet happy birthday card. And Jaehyun… well, let’s just say that maybe he forgot about it because being a graduating student makes you busy.

While you were having a nice dream of Jaehyun singing a happy birthday song to you with a small cupcake in his hand, in reality, he woke you up by patting your head and a kiss on your forehead, whispering ‘I’m sorry’ and kissing your face until you’re awake and what’s happening right now is finally registering in your mind. You wrapped your arms around him and decided to forgive him for being stupid and accept his apology. “Is this for me?” you point at the chocolate cake on the bedside drawer a blew the candle, making your room dark and only the soft light from your window lights up your room.

“What did you wish for” he came closer to you and rests his forehead on yours. Oh you missed his presence, but all you feel right now is the heartbreak and remember what happened a few weeks ago.

“You, Jaehyun” you whisper and closed your eyes, not caring if there are tears in your eyes. You’re not afraid to show him that you ache for him.

“I told you, I can’t-“ you didn’t want to hurt yourself further and listen to those hurtful words so you kissed him and pulled him on top of you.

Everything happened so fast and naturally. You removed your shorts, he was quick to spread your legs and free his hardening cock. Not even bothering to reach for a condom, he fucked you in the dark and whispered “I’m sorry” over and over again that it hurts your ear and your heart so you put your thumb in his mouth and let him suck it good while his thrust was slowly picking up the pace and you hear skin slapping surrounds your room

“Jaehyun-“ you moan his name when you felt that familiar feeling of being on edge but you’re not yet ready to let go. You’re not yet ready to let him go. So you tried with all your might to clench and stop yourself from cumming but what you’re doing to Jaehyun just makes him want to fuck you more.

And so he did.

He covered your mouth not because he didn’t want to let Johnny know that you’re fucking but because he never wants to hear your beautiful moans again. He closed his eyes so he could no longer see your face and dream about you underneath him, and with that, he continues to thrust so harshly that it’s hurting you so good and your grip on his shoulders will surely leave a mark.

Soon you failed and cum before Jaehyun could. You exchanged sharp exhales, gasps, and quiet grunts before he lies beside you and kiss you deeply the whole night. One last time.  

As expected, you woke up alone in your bed with a sore body. You stretched for a few minutes before you got out of bed and head outside to have breakfast. At first, you thought that you will be alone again today but turns out Johnny is free.

“Belated Happy birthday. Did you like the flowers I got you?” he greets you good morning and gave you a bear hug.

“I did. I put it in a vase, it’s in my room. Thank you” now that Johnny is here and you’re not alone eating breakfast, you can’t help but wish for Jaehyun to be here.

“Jaehyun is uhm… working. I can take you out today, let’s have dinner and celebrate your birthday again. What do you say?” he offers excitedly and even showed you a great restaurant from his phone.

When the evening comes and you and Johnny should be out by now but you were having a hard time to chose what to wear, Jaehyun arrived out of nowhere with a girl on his shoulders. Someone not familiar and they’re holding hands.

“I think your friends are going out on a date aren’t they babe?” the girl asks Jaehyun, like she's tying to get his attention but Jaehyun’s eyes are glued on you. Eyes that are very much sorry because he didn’t mean for you to see his new girlfriend after your birthday. So this is why Johnny was rushing you tonight. He didn’t want you to see Jaehyun with his new girlfriend because he knew it will hurt you greatly.

“Y/n-“ Jaehyun called you but you didn’t bother looking back and told Johnny that you’re ready now… even though your earrings don't match with your dress. If he can try and be in a relationship with someone else then what does that make you? Why can’t he try for you?

The night went on, carrying the lie that you’re okay but to be honest, you don’t want to go back to that fucking dorm. Good thing, Johnny was trying so hard to cheer you up and make you forget about what happened. Which is working and for that you’re thankful.

On the same night, you swore to yourself that you will never let Jaehyun into your life again and make you feel small. You will never throw yourself to him again, or even spare a glance and waste your time with the one and only guy whom you allowed to break your heart over and over again. But not anymore.

Jaehyun was nothing but sweet to you and that’s all he’ll ever be.

Five years later

When you came home from work, you caught your boyfriend cooking dinner with a glass of cold wine beside him. You greet him, “hey” and kissed him on the cheek before you wrap your arms around his strong built body.

“Tired? Hows work? I have big news” he says while stirring something from the pan. You told him he could tell the big news first because he looks excited, and so he did. With big smiles and overflowing excitement, he said that “Jaehyun is going to get married and I’m his best man!” you almost let out a laugh but you stopped yourself.

“Mhmm. Guess who’s taking care of the wedding....” you teased him. But just as you burst your boyfriend’s bubble, his reaction was quite unexpected.

“N-no, don’t tell me it’s you” he suddenly stopped cooking, he wasn’t mad. Just shocked at the moment and because of the big news.

“Johnny- Don’t tell me you’re being jealous right now...” you tease him further, “he’s like a college fling baby, and you’re the real deal!” you kiss him on the lips but he’s still sulking and went back to cooking.

“We both know it’s not just a fling” he whines.

“He’s getting married and we’re literally inseparable. What are you so jealous of? You know I saw Jaehyun looked at his fiancé and guess what,”

“What?” he turns off the stove and prepared two plates for dinner which you helped him do.

“He never looked at me that way, but you did” you see a shy smile on his face now and poke his cheek but he's quick to catch your hand and pull you into a hug. The kind of hug only Johnny can provide.

“Sorry, that was so childish of me”

“It’s okay. Dinner looks good, is this a new recipe?”

Soon after dinner, Johnny expresses his apology in bed in many ways he can, making you feel good and treating you right as always until it became too exhausting because you don’t think you could cum anymore after having your fourth…or fifth? To be honest you’re not sure anymore.

But even though you’re tired and exhausted, you still can’t help but reminisce. Throughout the years of forgetting Jaehyun, Johnny has always been patient with you and waited for you to heal from Jaehyun. Johnny brought you to the movies and went out with you while Jaehyun only promised. It's like Jaehyun kept promising you things but Johnny is the one keeping them.

“I thought you’re exhausted?” He kissed your shoulder to bring you back to Earth when he saw you spacing out. “Stop thinking. I’ll marry you too, you know that right?” oh you know that all too well, so you nod and kissed him. Whispered ‘i love yous’ over and over again, and thanked him for being the one for you. It was never easy for both of you, but still, you yearn for each other. Sometimes, love will point us to the wrong person so we could find the right person to us. Yes, Jaehyun was sweet, but Johnny is not only sweet in fact he showed his love to you since day 1.

[arcane-temp-fandomblog]

Arcane Finale / Jinx & Silco & Vi / Choice and growth

Thank god for shimmer... and Singed, and Silco. And Vi too. And anyone else that contributed to keeping this poor baby alive.

(So not you Ekko, high expectations for you to do better Season 2)

Did shimmer make Powder finally crazy, eh no? I really don't think so. I think it saved her, literally, from the brink of death. and probably from Silco's fate. And Vi by extension But let's get back to it later.

Powder is Jinx, and Jinx is Powder - there is no magical point where Powder transforms into 100% Jinx. It's a slow process - Vi and by extension us, the audience, wasn't there for it. So we feel Vi's shock. Because conflict here is that Jinx can't be old Powder from the time Vi was abducted. She's like whatever years older, she's not a child - she's a young adult/teen. Powder as Vi remembers her has grown up, and probably seeing your baby sister grown up would be quite a shock. Seeing your baby sister grown up under the man you hate - heh, more of a shock. Vi can only accept it or not.

It's painful for everyone involved.

But who is Jinx in comparison to Powder for eh, this baby girl?

Let's start from the beginning and something that frames the end choice of Jinx to become Jinx. Who made Jinx?

Think of the last part - Silco still grips to his trauma of abandonment by Vander for eh... how many years the man has been gone from his life? Aside from the brief interlude of act 1-3. I reckon 10 to 14 years? from the bridge scene.

Is that healthy? No.

Is Silco's pathway they're both are following in? Jinx a bit? Vi a lot. Like a whole lot - she can't let go of idea of Powder. Because that event was as traumatic for her as for Jinx, but then she got stuck in a cell not being able to out grow it in any way. Or even choose anything. She's an adult now, but "prison" adult.

Silco's trauma is something he projects on Jinx btw, which doesn't help dealing with her own. But being called a Jinx by Vi is not the trauma.

Anyway, who made Jinx into who she is?

The worst, what Vi thinks she did to create Jinx:

And what the actual Jinx has to say about it, what did Vi do to create Jinx:

I'm pretty sure somewhere mid Jinx's explanation of her growing up when Vi wasn't there, Vi completely looses plot of what Jinx is actually saying to her. Because her expression don't match the dialogue at all.

Vi gave her strength to survive, as imperfectly as trauma of loosing her family would. Vi was the one who was picking her up.

"What makes you different, makes you strong."

Anyway - the whole family reunion fiasco happens that devolves into a fight how to call this traumatised girl. Because you know, she already told you who Jinx is for her and these two can't fucking get a grip to put aside their arrested development from abandonment from Vander/abandoning Powder to ask a question what she prefers. Partially because Jinx craves acceptance at any cost from her family, she lacks the strength to even choose her own name:

Wake up from what? Growing up?

Anyway, until he says this:

He says "she's perfect", not Jinx or Powder. She is, and whatever the name she chooses for herself, she'll be this mob-dad's little girl. Imperfectly perfect. That's all the push she needed to be able to choose for herself.

Even if she went by Powder, her trauma would not go away. Nor would Vi's.

Btw. all the crows - her 'symbol' animal have left.

Anyway, baby steps - first what name she's more comfortable with:

She's the first to recognise that her relationship with Vi has changed forever, since they both changed. Now they can build their bond - how imperfect it will be - on themselves as they are now. Vi has to confront the truth or her sister will be lost to her forever.

Maybe now they won't be stuck in trauma of abandonment like Silco. Now there's no Silco so Vi has no excuse a monster stole her little sister away.

And then the ending, because in the end - this is what made her dad die. Actually plot related - made all of her family die. Someone, somewhere in the high up council making decisions about people in the undercity and traumatising them. This is what started this whole chain of events. An accidental explosion without anything more than property damage. That was enough.

Gj baby girl. Let them fear you, be the agent of change.

...

Also funny detail from council archives:

Ah, “Piltover the land of progress, equality, innovation.”. Throughout your whole history, you can never do no wrong.

Other posts by me - Arcane meta analysis posts - mostly politics, tech and character parallels

[pxrtners-in-crime]

i'm sorry but I really need to get this out of my chest

-i really like 6x08 and 6x09 was a really good episode but while i liked the break up scene and it was very painful to watch it felt like something was missing. they've known each other for 10 years and have been in a relationship for 2 and are married and maybe it was because we go from killing and dying for each other to we're poison in only one episode or because we don't see really them in the aftermath of howard's death idk but i thougth with the context of the season it would feel diferent but with only one episode left it still doesn't. of course the break up was absolubty necesary and inevitable at that point and had to happen.

-i didn't like nippy (i don't think it was a bad i just didn't like it) but after seeing people saying that if you didn't like it you were stupid and didn't understand the show it only made me dislike it even more. for me it was a wasted episode and near the end, it had it's tension but i didn't need a whole episode for that scam.

-then 6x11 was so frustrating because he got jeff off of his back, he seemed a little ''happy'' at the end of nippy and he doesn't have to be isolated he could live a somewhat ''normal'' life. he refuses to be better and then he goes back to scamming and not only that now he's also druging people. i know the call made him spiral but now in 6x12 he seems violent when he never was and it comes out of nowhere (it's not the same telling someone to kill and doing it yourself) and he was willing to kill 2 people until marion tells him that she trusted him and we can see a glimpse of jimmy. idk some things are happening so fast... we spent 6 seasons getting to know who jimmy was and now some things feel so rushed.

as for kim i feel so bad for her, living the life she ran away from, still feeling guilty and not having opinions on anything. she's just a shell of what she once was, six years later and she's still punishing herself for everything and now probably she feels even worse after seeing what jimmy has become, she was trying to save them and she killed them both. it's so sad that they both think they ruined the other...

i just hope jimmy/saul/gene can get some peace and face his demons even though it feels unlikely rn and that kim can escape that guilt and that life she never wanted especially now that she has confessed everything. regarding mcwexler i'd love to see a reunion (not in court please peter) so they can get some kind of closure (if they run away together even better) but i just need something so i don't feel like their whole history didn't mean anything, it's empty and that they are bitter towards each other because i would love to be able to rewatch the show.