#and the rest of my life everything is going to take 3x longer and 3x more effort than it should bc my brain is broken

[phagodyke]

4pm I feel fucking evil

SOOOOO MAD AT WORK TODAY... GRRRR

[jabberwocky-warrior]

Other ways they say "I love you"

///Magishift Club Edition///

Characters: Leona, Ruggie, Epel

Tags: Gendernetrual pronouns, Can be read as Selfinsert/Prefect/yuu/Twstsona, Pronouns used are only "you" ,

Tw / Cw : Implied relationship but you can read as pre-established, Food talk in ruggie's but only pizza mentioned by name, Reader/Prefect/Yuu is able to drive,

A/N: this is my first time writing like this. If I missed a TW tag please please PLEASE tell me. I am working on more of these with other characters. I wrote all of this for Leona and Sebek's, but it spiraled into more.

711 words | Not betaread | Quickly edited | tell me if i made mistakes

Writing undercut

Leona

“Pull over. Let me drive for awhile”

I think that regardless if youre Male, Female, or anything else Leona would still take a “protector” role. I think it's just how he is, not just because he’s a lion. I feel like his love language is protecting/providing. So making sure your fridge is stocked, You have a nice blanket for winter, and getting you a fan for the summer heat is more his style than verbalizing it.

I have this HC that he would pretend to get up before you both go to sleep to get water/ go to the bathroom but he’s really checking all your doors and windows to make sure they’re locked.

I think that the protective, caring side would lead him to prefer driving while you rest. It’s not a matter of thinking you’re a bad driver or not trusting you, it's a simple matter of wanting to do something for you.

“Watch your step”

He probably likes watching people eat pavement so I think its just a simple matter of not wanting you to get hurt.

He definitely holds the door open for you. Again regardless of your gender, he does this. You can be 3x his size he is still doing this.

Epel

“I’ll walk you home.”

A classic. Really this could go for all the boys but I can see Epel doing this clearly. He lives in the country on acres of land, surrounded by miles of trees. As someone who lives near the country, I can say It gets DARK at night. the street lights are normally a bit far apart and because there is less light pollution there isnt really any extra light. Trust me its not fun to walk alone. So having someone walk you home is super normal and more less expected.

Felmier family Headcanon: If Epel’s Grandma was out at someone else’s house his grandpa would go over to where she was when it got late so they could go home together, chatting and laughing as they walk. Epel’s parents carried this tradition on even doing it to Epel when he’d stay out late.

Even though you’re both at NRC and there is much more light at night, its no longer about comfort of someone walking with you and more about walking together. Just like his grandpa, Epel loves the time spent walking you to your dorm. The jokes and stories you too share. Just going over what your plan for the week is. It’s one of his favorite parts.

“It’s not heavy. I’m stronger than I look.”

You don't work on a farm for your whole life and not have upper body strength, Okay. I think kinda like Leona, Epel is a provider or wants to be. So being able to help you AND show off his muscles is not a chance he will pass up.

Ruggie

“I saved a piece for you.”

“Try some.”

Okay, so both of these have to do with food and it's not anything you haven't heard before BUT hear me out.

IRL when you don’t always have access to food, Going out of your way to share your food and enjoy it with another is something special. But going out of your way to save food for someone is normally reserved for family. If you have extra to give, give to your neighbor. But when you don't have that extra, everything is for family.

Even if Ruggie is no longer worrying about food, those habits die hard. When he saves a slice of pizza for you just because he thinks you will enjoy it, it means something more than just making sure you’ve eaten. He knows you’ve eaten, there is food in the cafeteria, and in your dorm, and he even knows Sam would give you freebies if you didn't have food. So it's more about just sharing it with you. The experience of eating together so to speak.

I do think there is an aspect of it being about making sure someone he cares for has a full belly. Him wanting to make sure you never go to bed hungry or have to worry about food. I don’t think it would be his main love language but food is definitely one of his ways to show he cares.

=================

I don't think I wrote Ruggie's part right. And I think I could have done better in Epel's part but I really like this series. It's a little hard sometimes for me to find my wording. This is a problem I deal with IRL too so I hope yall understood what I was saying. I'm trying yall.

I really like this series idea and I already have the basketball club version drafted I just have to edit it. So expect that at some point.

Anyway, Thanks for reading. I hope you enjoyed it. this was my first time writing this style. As always feel free to send asks and questions to me!!

[queen-mihai]

OK I've been working on something in my mind for a long time and I wonder if the rest of you would like to help

The short version is this: There has to be a moment where one comes to the realization that "I've done my part. We can coast now"

:readmore:

I'll give a few examples

When you're born, you're not the same size you are now. If you can read this at all, you're at least 3x the size you were when you were a newborn baby. Probably even bigger.

In an organizational sense, you could take that to mean "in any organization, growth is necessary for survival"

I don't think there's a business owner or investor alive who would disagree with that statement.

However; if you are an adult now, reading this, chances are that you're done growing.

You only grow the first two decades-ish of your life. You can thrive for another eight decades or even longer in some cases, and the "growth" portion of your life is over

All those business people's eyes are glazing over now.

But pay attention. It's you I'm talking to. Constant and unrestricted growth, as the backbone of each and every society and business is absolutely toxic, and the reason we keep destroying everything beautiful we build

Another example

You're in your car. You see a highway. Everyone on that highway is driving faster than you and you know in order to join that highway, you need to accelerate to around the same speed everyone else is going.

How much do you really need to accelerate?

Anyone who has ever been on a highway will tell you that no one is just CONSTANTLY accelerating. Even the ridiculous street racers zipping in and out through traffic slow down once in a while to line up and start racing. And once that race is over, whether you want to admit it or not, they *rejoin the regular flow of traffic*

Yes. That same Toyota Supra that you saw screaming by a minute ago, is about a mile ahead of you, just another car in traffic now. Having won the big race with their buddy, they're now chatting with their girlfriend in the passenger seat and picking some tunes.

*There is always a point when it's enough*

For society, for business, why is there somehow this belief that you can get out on the road and just keep accelerating faster and faster and faster? That supra driver knows that if they keep driving the same way, keep accelerating and never slow down, they're going to crash and die, and in all likelihood, take some innocent person with them.

A business works the same way

A business Works THE SAME WAY

You HAVE to recognize that there's a point where you can stop.

The supra is the perfect example of "move fast and break things" (the law being the thing that's broken in this example) that some businesses take as their mantra.

So why then, are they not as smart as that supra driver and, knowing the big race has been won, slowing down and rejoining the regular flow of traffic?

You're still gonna be the cool one

You're still gonna get lots of looks

You're still going to get compliments left and right. And there will be lots of chances to show off what you can do.

But a baby, having grown into an adult, stops growing.

A street racer, having proven their car faster than the other car, slows down

That adult doesn't stop moving. They don't just die once they've reached adulthood. You could say that's barely where the adventure begins.

That racer getting where they're going is not suddenly about to tear apart their car and sell it for scraps. They're going to race again. And again. And again. And they're going to have fun the entire time

It's up to you to figure out what adulthood looks like for your country, your business, your organization.

It's up to you to realize, "we won the race, we proved our point. We can cruise now. If we find another opportunity to kick butt, we'll jump at it. But for now, let's crank up the music and cruise"

[laryna6]

I was never a fan of cleaning even before the fatigue hit, so I’d put it off, and when you put off cleaning it’s so much work. So the idea of ‘it’s recommended you clean every week’ sounded just. So incredibly exhausting.

But like. Holy shit? If you clean regularly, then it’s actually so much less work that you can do it while you’re doing other stuff? Like, go into kitchen, waiting for you oatmeal to cook and cool, go ‘I’ll clean my kitchen while I’m waiting’ and you do the sink, counters, floor, outside of fridge, inside of microwave, tops of everything and your oatmeal’s still too hot to eat and you’re not tired at all. (Or in my case, no more tired than usual, since fatigue).

Like, when you put off cleaning for a while, you constantly need to get new paper towels/wash out your rags, but if you do it regularly you finish a cleaning task, look at your cleaning thingy and go ‘it still looks clean? I’ll switch to the other side of it to do the next thing, though.’ It’s more work for me to get my hair off things (I shed) than to get the actual grime/dust off them. And like, I wouldn’t shed so much if I brushed daily, which you can do while reading internet videos,i so that’s another case of ‘putting off something makes everything take 3x as long.’

If you’re just living in an apartment, cleaning isn’t supposed to be a big project that you set aside a block of time for? It’s something you do in between other stuff/when you have a minute/since you’re there anyway?

I was always puzzled by people going ‘ugh, laundry,’ because it takes like three sets of two minutes and then the folding? Cleaning was so much more work, since it took way longer and that was time up and doing things, not time spent resting? But like, if you clean regularly (my mom recommends a habit of cleaning one thing per day), laundry is actually a ton more work than cleaning? Like, you have to actually set aside two hours to be there for it instead of just doing it when it’s convenient, and you need to devote a block of time to the folding too instead of ‘I’ll just clean one bit of the kitchen every time I go get food/water.’ And I didn’t notice before because I was working out twice a week, but if your body isn’t actively feeding your muscles bc you use them enough that it’s worth it, then folding can actually tire your arms a bit.

If you’re someone who puts off cleaning, after the next time you do a deep clean, start making an effort to build a habit of cleaning one thing a day/spending five minutes a day until you’re so used to it that you spot the best times to do it, and watch keeping your place clean become the same as brushing your teeth.

If you have depression/a host of other stuff, then habit building so you just do stuff on autopilot instead of having to argue yourself into it every time becomes 100000x as hard, but if you try the ‘one small thing a day, it can be as small as you like, just something,’ then your place will be clean and you won’t be beating yourself up over how filthy it is, which will help your depression and prove that it’s worth putting in the effort to build other healthy habits when your brain tries to tell you it’s not. Having real, objective, visible improvement bc of your efforts is a big help when your brain is insisting the stuff you need to do to make your life better won’t accomplish shit. If it’s easier for you to keep going once you managed to make your brain start instead of having to start it up several different times and only clean once a week, that works, because you go ‘holy shit I’m speedrunning this/doing things that normally take a lot of work in like fifteen min total, wow getting out of bed was worth it.’

[dragonflymage]

To give you a glimpse into my mind back then, here are a few journal entries I wrote from age 17–18. I was a pretty sad and lonely kid, I think. I was so depressed about my life at this age that some of this reads like a suicide note. 😥 It’s pretty emotional if that sort of thing bothers you.

💙💙💙💙💙

(my mother took my younger brothers and moved, leaving me behind and alone in a house for several months before my father moved in. Then I went to visit them in the summer between Junior and Senior year of High School.)

It's still Wednesday. Now I'm in Ma's car while her and my two brothers went inside of a store called "Winn Dixie". I am fed up with all of this. I went to the plaza down here twice, to this stupid store, and to Nana's about 3x. I want to go home. At first, it was okay down here, even though it was hot. But now I am becoming more and more miserable by the day. I am sweating right now.

I suppose that I should be glad that I'm here with them at all because I haven't seen them since February 2nd, about 5 months ago; but now that I'm here, other things are bothering the heck out of me. Like this heat first of all, also sitting around the house all day long. I could have done that at home. At least at home, I could have gotten paid to feed the school animals all summer long. I can't say that it could be worse, because I'm not too sure if it could be worse. I am definitely sure that it could be better. Like it could be cooler for one thing, and another thing I could be visiting England instead of Florida for my summer vacation. What fun, huh? Oh well, I've been suffering forever now, I suppose I can suffer for the rest of my summer, can't I?

💙💙💙💙💙

(After the summer visit, I returned home)

I came back home last night. Oh God, what is wrong with me? I just can't make up my mind about things. When they left in February, at first everything seemed fine. But then it suddenly hit me that they were in Florida and I'm still here with no one. Then by the time I got out of school, I started to get used to everything. I didn't say that I was happy; I said I was used to everything. That took me about 5 months.

Then about two weeks after I get out of school for summer vacation, I fly down to Florida. Then everything seems fine, but for some reason, I feel like I'm a stranger. Not that they were treating me like one, but I just felt like I was intruding. I started noticing that on the 2nd or 3rd day I was there. And I was there for 2 whole months after that.

But now that I'm back home, I feel like everything just started to suffocate me again. Last night after I got home around midnight, I went to bed around 2 A.M. I swear that the pain and loneliness in my chest was so bad, that I just felt like dying. It was so bad. What am I going to do? It's just going to come back again.

Oh, my god! I'm never going to get through this. I swear that I'm not. Before when they left I cried for about 2 or so months. Then by June, I slowly turned numb. Now my wounds have all been reopened. How many times do I have to go through this? How much more can one person take? I don't want to talk to anyone this time, about it. They will just think that I'm trying to get attention or something. Because nobody feels like this.

It should be gone by now. I've gone through 7 months of hell. Now it's starting up from the heaviest part now. I have to do something. But what? What can I do? I have to get rid of this pain. It is really, really bad. I would not lie about something like this. No one would be able to live like this. No one.

I have 26 pages left in this diary. Maybe by then, I'll have the answer. And there just might be only one answer, and it begins with an "S" and has 7 letters. If I can't find an alternative solution, that just might be my only hope. Bye! (11:08 P.M.)

Whatever decisions I make, they always hurt someone. I never meant to hurt anyone. I just wanted someone to hold me. Please, hold me! Don't ever, ever leave me in another airport. You left me alone. I don't like being alone. When I'm alone, I can only think of you're not being here, and then I can't stop crying. Oh please, where are you? Why aren't you here? Where are you? Oh, please. Please, help me! I don't know what to do anymore. Come home. I can't hear my name anymore. I can't hear my smile anymore. Oh where are you!

💙💙💙💙💙

(My father had schizophrenia, so sometimes he would say things that hurt, just randomly…)

I started school yesterday. I wasn't hungry today and all I had was a cup of coffee. And stupid me had to say that I didn't have anything else. I don't seem to notice that my mother and brothers aren't around. Now Dad is blaming me for making his life miserable because I'm not eating anything. Why does he always have to make such a big deal out of nothing? He does that all the time. No matter what it is I do that he doesn't like, he manages to escape the blame and pass it on to me. It could be my fault some of the time, but is it my fault all of the time? I would have expected better from a parent.

Now because he thinks that I'm doing something just to aggravate him or something, he has one of his stupid tapes blaring downstairs, just to annoy me. Because he said that he was going to go to sleep. I hate that music. Why is he listening to hard rock. Is he crazy? I can't feel anything right now. He makes it seem like I'm his wife or his parent and that I'm suppose to not make his life miserable. He's the parent, kids are supposed to act up so parents can find out what's wrong (which is a joke) or punish them. When a kid acts up, the parent isn't supposed to tell the kid that they are making their (meaning the parent's) life miserable, and then do nothing.

The phone keeps ringing once and he keeps picking it up and hanging it up before the answering machine can turn on. What if it was my brother? I am going crazy. I don't know what kind of parents I would want. I'm almost 18 and I'm acting like a kid. I should be able to handle everything. I'll just ignore everything as much as I can and then I'll see what happens. What if I explode? He is driving me crazy.

💙💙💙💙💙

(I don’t even remember most of this…but I think this was during Senior year.)

I was sick in school today. I'm bored shit!! I guess that I should try to get used to the idea that I'll be in the house more often from now on. Know what I'm sayin'? There's a physics and psychology test tomorrow. Great, just Great!! I hate school with such a passion that I don't know how much longer I can stand it. I have a headache now and I threw up twice in school today. I'm so sick and tired of being sick and tired. I can't shake it.

Why can't I be old now so I can have a stroke or something and just die? But, no! I have to be unlucky and be 18. The middle of nowhere, from somewhere and going absolutely crazy trying to figure out where I am. Have any ideas? I sure don't. Well, I'm not on the the phone with anyone because that's how much people actually like me. It's better this way, so I don't eventually slow a person down or cause some unnecessary obstacles in someone's life.

💙💙💙💙💙

I guess this gives an idea to my unhealthy and depressed frame of mind when I was 17–18. 😞 An unhappy kid. 💗

Thanks for the question. 😔

[dabisangel]

“Deserving” 18+

♡LINK FOR PART 1♡

Pairing: Dabi X Reader

Genre: Angst, Romance 

Warnings: Sexual Activities

Word Count: 1.6 k 

Summary: This is a continuation of “Undeserving”. During intimacy, you realize that something is bothering Dabi. For a while, he doesn't say anything, and you comfort him. Eventually, he admits that he doesn't think that he deserves you. You ensure him that he does.

a/n: Ah! This was so fun to write, and it's definitely more NSFW than part 1 was. Also, this chapter is here thanks to @mavzoon. Initially, Undeserving was just going to be one part only, but they mentioned the idea of y/n comforting Dabi after part 1. Which of course I couldn't resist. THUS, came this chapter which is 3x the length of the original.  Please enjoy.

P.S: Thank you for all of the support on “Undeserving” I LOVE Y’ALL

Both of you sat for a while longer. His head was still resting into the crook of your neck. At this point you’d begun to hum, rubbing small circles onto his damp back. 

An attempt to soothe him.

“What are you thinking about?” You inquired softly, resting your cheek onto his head. “What thoughts do you have swirling around in that head of yours?” Your fingers laced through his hair and lightly massaged his scalp. 

He hated the way that he hung in your arms like a broken bird.

He hated that you were piecing him together as he was crumbling 

He didn’t deserve to be loved by you at all, did he?

No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t stop his intrusive thoughts.

His head lifted from your neck, placing a small kiss onto it before resting his forehead against yours. “You’re too good to me.” He whispered squeezing his eyes shut. 

You brought a hand to caress the back of his head. “I’m only as good to you as you are to me.” A small smile graced your lips as you looked into his eyes. 

During the duration of your romantic relationship, Dabi had expressed his concerns that you could do better than him. He sometimes even tried to prove your relationship wouldn’t be beneficial for you. He thought that because the two of you would never be able to do normal things together, you would feel held back. These concerns came out mostly in subtle ways, or sometimes as backhanded comments about himself. 

You thought back to a few months ago, on Valentine's day. Because of the way he was behaving you could tell that he felt guilty the entire day. He really really wanted to do something special for you, but he couldn’t

“I brought you something to eat.” He’d said to you, placing a bag of take out onto the table. “I’m sorry I can’t take you out somewhere.”

You remembered the look in his eyes, and how you’d assured him it was okay.

Dating someone in the LOV requires a lot of secrecy, so making a reservation for a nice restaurant wasn’t really an option.

He caressed your shoulder, not breaking eye contact with you. “Can I be honest with you?” his voice quivered a bit. 

This shocked you. Dabi was always so cool and collected, and emotions were something that he usually kept on the back burner. 

“Yes. Anything.”

“I don’t deserve you.” He spoke removing his hands from your hips and removing his forehead from yours.

You stared over at him, and then to his chest which was rising and falling slowly. He had created some space between the two of you, and you watched as his features darkened.

“Why would you say that?” You asked 

Dabi cleared his throat and stared into your eyes. “Don’t you get tired of sneaking around with me?” He shook his head incredulously “You’d never be able to live a normal life with me. Ever.”

“I want you more than I want anything Dabi.”

He said nothing

“I chose you.” You repositioned, pulling the blanket up to your chest, “I chose you because I love you.”

He stared blankly.

“You don’t have to prove yourself to me. I accept you for everything that you are...” You trailed off, delicately placing your hands onto his cheeks. “I love you because you’re you.”

His tense shoulders softened, and he chuckled a bit. Surprisingly, a smile graced his lips. 

“You love me because I’m me?” He asked, with one brow arched as if to say ‘are you fucking kidding me?’

“Yes.”

“You’re so fucking lame.” He laughed lightly.

And there it was, that smile. White teeth beaming. It wasn’t very often that he did it, but when he did your heart melted. 

You moved to press your forehead to his, “You can say that all you want. But I’m telling the truth.” You whispered, wrapping your arms around his neck. “Don't you believe me?”

He wrapped his arms around your waist and planted his lips to yours softly. After a few moments, he pulled away. “You’re the only person on this planet that I believe.”

He pressed another kiss to your lips, softly making his way down to your neck. 

“I’m so glad that I have you.” You whispered. 

He couldn’t fully understand what you saw in him or what made you so willing to stick by his side. But some things that he knew for certain was that you never wavered, that you never lied, and apparently that you loved him for him. No matter the consequences. 

He’d never admit it, but that warmed his heart more than anything ever had.

His hands gripped your waist and he leaned you back onto the mattress, placing more random kisses to your neck. “I’ll do better for you. I swear.” 

By now he was planting kisses onto your abdomen, lips ghosting over your rib cage. 

“I promise.” He whispered onto your skin.

You giggled as you brought your hands to play in his hair. “Okay, I’ll hold you to it.”

His lips made their way to your hip bone, and his right hand gripped your ass which made you jolt. “Starting now.”

You knew you were in for it now from the way he was kissing your inner thighs. But you couldn’t help but notice how careful he was being with you. He used one hand to cup against the back of your knee, pushing it towards your torso. His other hand worked at stroking your folds lightly, pressing against your clit a few times. The way that he looked up at you from between your legs made you shiver. 

“I’m so glad I have you too.” He said softly, before placing a lewd kiss to your lower lips and slipping two fingers inside. 

You moaned softly as you watched him, but you smiled at his words. 

He lapped at your clit slowly, making sure to maintain eye contact with you. Another shiver went through your spine as you felt him curl his fingers inside of you. 

He pulled his lips away for a moment, still pumping his fingers steadily. “I love you so much.” 

If you could speak you would return the sentiment, but you couldn’t manage to produce any sound besides moans. 

‘I love you too’ you thought, smiling in pleasure. Your walls began to tense around his fingers and you gripped his hair roughly, bracing yourself. 

Abruptly he removed his fingers and pulled his way up to your lips, pulling you into a sloppy kiss. 

You could feel his length pressed against your inner thigh. And you found yourself shuddering as he guided his tip to your entrance. A gentle hand caressed the side of your face as the other positioned his length, waiting. 

“I love you t-“ your words were cut short as he sunk inside of you slowly, not wasting a moment to pick up his pace. 

“Tell me again.” He groaned, gripping your waist roughly, pulling you into another kiss. 

“I l-love you.” You stuttered bringing your hands to his face. His half-lidded eyes were staring into yours, cerulean pupils not seeming to close fully. As if he was afraid to have you out of his sight for even a moment.

He brought a hand below your waist and began to toy with your clit, rubbing small rough circles with his calloused thumb.

Your walls began to squeeze around him as he continued to pound into you. “Shit.” You yelped, gripping his forearm desperately. “I’m gonna c-“

He interrupted you, pounding into you at an even faster pace.

“Cum.” He demanded, pressing his forehead to yours, staring into your eyes. 

His intensity was enough to send you over the edge. Your body twitched and convulsed around him and he continued his rapid pace. He wasn’t too far behind you. His thrusts became more rough and sloppy, chasing his own release. Within a few moments, he also came undone, whispering your name softly. He twitched inside of you, filling you up. He pumped into a few more times before pulling out gently and collapsing next to you. 

The two of you laid in silence

You nuzzled into his neck sighing happily. His fingers rubbed small circles  onto the small of your back, and he moved to plant a kiss to your forehead “Thankyou.”

“For what?” You asked in between ragged breaths. 

“For loving me for me” he teased 

Looking up at him you felt nothing short of grateful. 

“You are so deserving...” You trailed off, staring into his eyes. “Of every happiness in this world.” As you placed a hand to his cheek, his half-lidded eyes followed yours

“And without a doubt, you are deserving of me.”

“You really mean that, huh?” He smiled softly, raking his fingers through your hair. As you stared into his eyes everything else in the world seemed so unimportant, like nothing mattered but this moment.

“I swear I do.” You whispered, placing a kiss to his chin before letting your eyes flutter shut. “You’re my everything, Dabi.” You yawned out.

This sentiment overwhelmed him with emotion, causing him to squeeze you tighter. “I’m so fucking lucky.” He whispered back, letting his eyes flutter shut as well.  “I love you.”

As he drifted to sleep his thoughts raced again. 

I am deserving of love 

I am deserving of love

I am deserving of love 

That night, he held onto you tighter that night than he ever had. 

You wished that you could live in this moment forever.

"I love you too, Dabi."

[haikyuu-drabble]

Daichi x Reader | Escape

u know when like u only meant for something to be like 700 words and then it ends up being nearly like 3x longer than u meant lol thats what happened here.... all i gotta say is that daichi on a motorcycle is such a hc that i hope one day becomes canon.... but lol prob not anYWAYs DONT u all wish you had someone as dependable as him also lol i feel like i shouldve referred to him as sawamura but like... no one calls him that so idk lol

daichi x reader 

word count: 2101

___________________________

You had always listened to what your parents asked you to do. No questions asked. No ifs, ands, or buts. All in the chance that they’d let you decide what you would want for your future. And yet here you were sitting in a high-end restaurant waiting to meet a possible marriage partner. Your parents claimed that this was only organized because you never seemed interested in dating anyone. Which was true, but it was only because they had forbidden you from dating anyone while you were attending university. Even in the off chance that you fell for someone, you knew they’d never approve.

You sighed, sitting in the chair next to your mother. Maybe this is what you get for never standing up for anything you’ve ever wanted. When your plausible marriage partner and his father joined you at the table, you gave a fake smile and bowed.

Maybe he wouldn’t be so bad. Maybe your parents knew you well enough to suggest good suitors. When the waiter came over to take your orders, you were first. He followed up with his order. When the waiter repeated the order to all of you at the table, he forgot to list the drink of your date. Your date immediately went off on the waiter and reprimanded him. All your hopes of him being a possible candidate just went down the drain.

While the three of them were talking you could feel yourself getting bored from their bland conversations about the weather. You couldn’t help but be upset at how your parents would think that this kind of thing would ever pique your interest. In the midst of the conversation, you excused yourself from the table to go to the restroom. If you had to hear any more conversations about the marriage candidate’s pretentious bragging, you thought you’d pass out right there. When you left the bathroom, from around the corner, you could hear the man’s father say, “Your child seems like they’d be a good partner. They don’t talk much and seem pretty obedient.

Your mother chuckled, “We hope we raised them well.”

You could feel the blood inside of you boil. That was it. That was the final straw. You had enough of listening to what they thought was best for you. You slowly walked towards the back exit of the restaurant. You needed to do anything to get you out of there.

You found yourself in the hallway of the mall. The first thing you needed to do was get off this floor and fast. It’d probably only be a matter of minutes before you mother realized that you weren’t coming back. You approached the elevator, and when it opened, you saw another person already inside the elevator. He looked at you and smiled. He had short black hair, broad shoulders, and tan skin. He wore a black leather jacket and a plain white shirt underneath and carried a motorcycle helmet. He smiled at you and asked, “Which floor?”

Without looking at the floor buttons, you just said, “The same one.”

He noticed that you seemed a little anxious and asked you, “Is everything alright?”

You jumped a little and attempted to give a smile, “Huh? Yeah, everything is fine.”

The man decided not to press on the conversation, and the two of you ended up at the parking garage below the mall. The man walked towards the motorcycles parked near the elevator, and you hesitantly looked around, unsure where to go or even what to do. All your things were still in the restaurant including your wallet and your phone. Maybe your plan wasn’t as well thought out as you realized. You figured that you should probably head back to the restaurant in the chance that they hadn’t notice that you’d been gone for so long. You turned around, only to see the other elevator had opened, revealing your mother. She yelled your name, demanding you head back to the restaurant. Your eyes went wide, and you instinctually ran in the opposite direction. You heard the roar of an engine and within moments, the man from the elevator was on his motorcycle holding his helmet out for you, “Get on!”

You were shocked from his sudden appearance and breathed, “B-but I don’t know you.”

“My name is Sawamura Daichi, and I go to Y University! Is that good enough?” he replied.

You were brought back to your senses and looked behind you at your mother who was quickly approaching. You grabbed the helmet from the man and hopped onto the back of the man’s motorcycle. He commanded, “Hold on tight.”

You hesitantly wrapped your arms around his torso, but as soon as he twisted the throttle, you tightened your grip around his upper body.

It was your first time riding a motorcycle, and it was faster than you had expected. As soon as he started moving the vehicle, you closed your eyes and held onto the person in front of you as tight as you could. Daichi laughed, “You can loosen up a bit, we're at a stoplight.”

You hadn’t even realized that the motorcycle had stopped. You sighed, “Right, sorry.”

However, as soon as the stoplight turned green, you had tightened your grip on Daichi once again. You managed to keep your eyes open, and you looked at the all the glistening lights around you. It was already night time, and all the buildings turned on their neon signs and lights. This wasn’t a new sight for you, but it felt so different being on the back of a motorcycle... It felt free. 

When Daichi finally parked the motorcycle, he helped you get off the bike. Your legs were shaky from the adrenaline that was still pumping through your body. You weren’t sure if it was from riding on the motorcycle or running away from your mother, but you concluded it was both. You took off the helmet and thanked Daichi. Before you could say anything else, he asked, “You hungry?”

He pointed to a ramen stall across the street from where he parked, but you politely declined, “It’s alright. I don’t have my wallet, and I’m not really that hungry.”

Your stomach, on the other hand, grumbled… loudly. Daichi chuckled, “C’mon. It’ll be my treat.”

You followed him into the quaint food stall and sat down on one of the bar stools. The chef clearly recognized Daichi because he asked, “Your normal order?”

Daichi grinned and nodded, “Yes, please, but make it two shoyu ramens this time and one beer as well.”

“Coming right up.” the chef replied.

You looked at Daichi and said, “Are you sure you should drink if you’re going to be driving your motorcycle?”

Daichi gave a hearty laugh, “The beer isn’t for me. It’s for you. It seems like you need something to help you relax a little.”

You gave a sheepish smile, “Thank you. I promise I’ll pay you back!”

“Don’t mind.” Daichi replied.

The food was soon served, and you could feel yourself salivating at the smell. As soon as you broke your chopsticks apart, you dug right in. You burnt your tongue and yelped, “Ow!”

Daichi laughed at you, “Try blowing before you bite.”

He passed you the beer you ordered, and you gulped down some of the cold beverage. Your attention went back to your bowl of soup. As soon as you finished your noodles, you chugged the rest of your beer. Daichi was still eating his ramen when you placed your mug back onto the counter. He laughed, “And you tried to tell me you weren’t hungry.”

You could feel the beer having its effect on you, and you grinned, “I was just trying to be polite!”

He noticed your change in attitude and was glad that you were finally starting to relax a little. You sighed and propped your head on your hand, “I can’t believe this is the first time I’ve ever rebelled against my parents, and I just had to do the most extreme thing in the world.”

Daichi looked at you, confused at what you were saying, “You just rebelled now? Have you just been a filial child your whole life?”

“So filial that when I went to the bathroom at a marriage meeting, the father of my ‘potential husband’ called me ‘obedient’ and ‘quiet.’” You sighed.

“’Marriage meetings?’ Daichi repeated, “I didn’t even know they had those things for normal people anymore.”

“Sadly, my parents aren’t normal people.” You nodded and continued with your story, “You know what the worst part was? My mother agreed with him and said those qualities about me were how they raised me to be! It made me realize that she doesn’t know me at all.” You paused for a moment, “But maybe that was my fault. If I just had the courage to stand up for what I wanted at least once before today, I might’ve not ended up in this situation.”

Daichi crossed his arms and thought for a moment, “But you understand that now, don’t you? I think as long as long as realize your faults, then you still have a chance.”

You looked at him, “Do you really think so?”

Daichi chuckled, “I think the moment that you stop developing as a person is when you’re really hopeless.”

You repeated, “‘Developing as a person.’’

You gave yourself a moment to think and scowled, “You’re saying I should go back to my parents and talk to them, huh?”

“I wasn’t really aiming for that,” he laughed, “but if it’s what’s in your gut feeling, then yes. You should do it.”

You sighed, “I know.”

“Well, you don’t have to go back right away.” He chuckled, “There’s something I wanna show you that I think would make you feel better.”

Daichi put some money on the counter of the ramen stall and got up. You followed after him. He passed you his helmet to put on, and you asked, “Where are we going?”

Daichi grinned, “Just get on.”

This time around, you were much more comfortable riding behind Daichi. You were still amazed looking around at all the city lights, however after some time, you noticed that the lights were becoming less and less. Daichi parked the motorcycle, and you took off your helmet. You jokingly asked, “You’re not trying to murder me right?”

Daichi rolled his eyes and walked ahead of you, “Just follow me.”

You followed him down a path that trailed to one of the prettiest views of the skyline you had seen. You nearly gasped at the view. You asked, “How’d you find out about this place?”

“I just found it randomly one day while riding my bike.” He answered, “It’s great, isn’t it?”

“Why’d you bring me here?” you asked him, still admiring at the view.

He looked at you and couldn’t help but smile at the sight of you, “It seemed like you needed some encouragement before facing your parents. It’s not much, but I hope it helps.”

You beamed at Daichi, “I feel like I can face the world after seeing this!”

After some time, the two of you decided it was a good time for the two of you to go back. You gave him your address to drop him off at your house.

When he reached the address, Daichi was shocked at the size of it. It was huge and was guarded with a large gate all around it. His mouth was agape, “This is where you live?”

You took his helmet off your head, “I mentioned earlier that my parents weren’t normal people.”

“I didn’t realize that this is what you meant.” He chuckled.

“Can I see your phone for a second?” you asked him.

He dug his phone from out of his pocket and passed it to you. In his notes, you typed something down and gave it to him and smiled, “I put in my number. You can text me if you’d like.”

He grabbed his phone from you and joked, “Should I call the police if I don’t get a response?”

“Maybe not the police, but you’re free to come and do a wellness check.” You grinned.

Daichi smirked, “I really wish the best for you.”

“I’d love to tell you about it the next time I see you. Does shoyu ramen again sound good?” you asked nervously.

Daichi grinned, “Sounds amazing.”

He put his helmet on his head. You waved at him as he drove away and smiled to yourself. Things may have started out pretty terrible, but something—or rather someone-- made it a day you wouldn’t trade for anything.

[justinsdaysinthedark]

Post # 6 - It is what it is

I'd be lying if I said I haven't spent the past half an hour with tears flowing from my eyes staring at a blank screen wondering how I'm going to get everything I've got floating in my head out. I suppose listening to Coldplay live in Argentina probably wasn't the best choice of music to set the mood. I'll work on that one in the future...

Where do I start? It's been a question I'm often asking myself at the start of these blog posts and it's certainly not the easiest one. What do you guys know? There's been so much happen since my last post on Thursday night.

Friday July 26th: I saw my doctors around lunchtime who came in quite concerned. Whilst they were confident my lymphoma was one called DLBCL (Diffuse Large B- Cell Lymphoma), some tests had come back with suspect results that it could be a more aggressive and harsh type of lymphoma called Burkitt's lymphoma and if confirmed, chemo was starting that night with no time to waste. There was also one marked in the middle (a cross of the two) called Burkitt's Like Lymphoma which is treated similarly to DLBCL. Whatever it was, I couldn't change it. I just wanted answers and if treatment needed to start, let's get it underway!

Adam, my incredible haematology doctor sent off another test of my gall bladder to finally get the confirmation I was after. It was urgent. He had to know. It was reassuring of Adam to state "Justin, we need to know what this is. Preliminary results are due back later this afternoon and that will hopefully rule out Burkitt's. if it is Burkitt's, we'll start chemo tonight and I'll be with you every step of the way - even if I have to stay back a few hours."

I know doctors earn a fair coin on a lazy day, but how many give you that much confidence that you and your health is important to them? I'm going to have it a guess and say not many but alas, I am so incredibly lucky with the team of doctors I have.

4:00pm and Adam strolls in the door heading straight for my room. My heart drops, similarly to what it had when Michael dropped the news I had lymphoma. "Good news. Preliminary results are back and we're confident it's not Burkitt's. You can't rule out anything in life, so there still is a small chance it could be. We're happy to wait for the final results on Monday, figure out a treatment plan from there and start Chemotherapy next week. Spend Saturday and Sunday on day leave and I'll see you next week."

This was news to my ears. In a time of what has been negative or no news, I could spend the weekend with family relatively freely and forget everything was happening for a few hours each day. My Uncle Bob and Aunty Denise were down from Tasmania to see me, as was my Aunty AJ and cousins from Bairnsdale so it all felt like it fit into place.

Friday night saw me considerably more relaxed with this news...that was until Collingwood started and it was the demolition it was. Slightly humorous side note, the nurse came in around 9pm for my nightly observations. Naturally, my heart rate was up a bit more than normal watching the football (118BPM - normally between 70-85BPM). This caused the nurse to call in the team of doctors who wanted to put me on an ECG machine for the night and monitor my heart. I assured them it was because Collingwood were on and if they gave me an hour, I'd be okay. It took some convincing, but it finally worked. Back they came an hour later and it had gone down - crisis averted.

Saturday afternoon and evening was wonderful. I went down to dads for dinner and was fortunate enough to spend some much needed time with family over a beautiful dinner and good laugh.

Sunday was much the same. I went home, mum did a fair chunk of washing for me as I spent it being me. Seeing Courtney, napping in my own bed and even headed over to Fountain Gate and got some much needed new clothes and other miscellaneous items - something that seems so simple but is such a luxury when you've spent the past 15 days in hospital.

Monday July 29th: They say the more you think positively, the more positive news you shall receive....or it goes something like that right? I woke up this morning the most upbeat and best I'd felt in weeks. I felt fine. I felt no pain, almost like I'd woken up from a shitty hotel! In all honesty, I felt like I'm abusing the system however I keep being quickly reminded how much I need to be here. Did I wake up so positive because I lived my old life for 16 hours over the weekend? Is it because I was hoping to hear a reasonably positive outcome with this lymphoma test? Probably a mix of both if I'm honest. But whatever it was, I was hopeful.

Adam came around at roughly 10:00am. Didn't really have much for me in terms of news but more of an outline of the day. If they hear the results of the test they were waiting on, they'd write me up a treatment plan ASAP and get chemo started this afternoon. At worst, I'd be starting it tomorrow (Tuesday). They just needed that definitive answer of what type of lymphoma I have - an answer I'd love more than anybody.

Either way, we agreed i'd need a PICC (Peripherally Inserted Central Catheter) line in which basically is a long-term cannula. It runs from the inside of my arm right up and around and stops basically just outside my heart. This is for easy access for the chemotherapy and even an easy exit for blood tests - something that's proven incredibly difficult to take from me over the past few days. Additionally, these lines can last up to six months verses the three days you get from a cannula. There were too many positives to say no to!

This wasn't scheduled for any time in particular, so 1:00pm came around and I was about to be taken to get the PICC line in.

Just as I was about to leave, Adam came in with a few words I'm all too familiar with. "Well, the pathology tests we were waiting on have come back inconclusive..."

Woah. Wait. What? How do tests of my gall bladder that was removed six days ago come back inconclusive? How does one of the main sources not have enough 'data' to tell them what sort of lymphoma I have? I was just stunned.

Adam continued "As a result, we can see some signs of Burkitt's lymphoma and that's what we're going to treat you for. You're young. You should be able to handle it and it's better to over treat you than under treat and be stuck where we are at the moment. It's an intense 16-day chemo treatment that will totally wipe out your red and white blood cells as well as your platelets. We foresee you being in here for another 3-5 weeks, depending on how well your body goes getting these levels back up to normal post this first treatment..."

I honestly say this but that's all I remember from this conversation. I was hoping I'd be heading home this week but looks like that definitely won't be happening. Today marks day 40 of the past 55 days in hospital (day 15 of this stint) and if I go off the longest suggested time expected, I have another 35 days to go. That honestly crushed me.

I got taken down to get my PICC line in - quite an easy process. Very similar to putting in a larger cannula, just a whole lot longer and uses local anaesthetic as well as being guided by an ultrasound and X-ray. I'm lucky enough to have two ports, which will hopefully speed up some of my medication and how much they can pump in. Does it feel weird? The only weird part was feeling it slide down past and near my heart - but that's okay now!

By the time I return, dad made his was in to try and help process the news. We get Adam in to once again explain the process. In layman's terms, I'll be starting an intense and high-dose 16-day chemotherapy program kicking off tomorrow (Tuesday) morning. Most of the time across the next 16 days, I'll be hooked up via IV drip getting whatever medication is required. I think I saw I have rest days on days 7 & 8 which I suppose will give me two days to look forward to. At the end of the day, it's something I'm not certain on and will be a day by day process and constant learning about what's going into my body to help fight with me.

I do have one request for you all. With my body not producing red or white blood cells or platelets over the next few weeks, I do request if you are planning to visit however are sick to stay away those extra few days. With my immune system going to be at the lowest it's been, I don't particularly want to pick up something I don't need. Additionally, as much as I'd love flowers, they're also banned due to the infection risk of the spores mixing with the chemotherapy and causing some dangerous damage from the inside.

At the end of the day, if you're not sure please message me and check as I'm not entirely sure myself about everything. I'm constantly learning as I'm going.

How am I feeling? I'm nervous. I'm nervous at the unknown. How will this affect me? How bad am I going to feel? Will I lose my hair? What will my energy levels be like? In advance, I do apologise if over the next few weeks I'm not myself. Truth be told, that's because I probably won't be.

In a way, i'm finally excited to start my treatment first thing tomorrow morning (after yet ANOTHER lumbar puncture). I was so envious of both people next to me getting their first rounds of chemo today. I know mine will be intense but I just can't wait.

I've learnt so much about cancer and chemotherapy over the past four days and I know there's so much more to learn. Today I learnt I'll be incredibly highly cytotoxic, which basically means all needles and anything used on me need to go in a separate bin just for me. Additionally, I'll have to get used to the good old double flush after the toilet to ensure all waste is disposed of. Mouth ulcers are a big issue with most chemo patients as well. I'll have to start brushing my teeth after every meal and taking a special mouthwash 3x daily to assist with keeping these under control. There's plenty of other little things, but they're two I least expected.

Everything really hit me last night....not like it did tonight though. I just had twenty minutes to reflect and it just became a sudden realisation. What I'm going through is real. It's not a 'joke' anymore. It's not something they're looking at as a potential cause. It is the cause. I have a legitimate medical issue and it's finally time to fight lymphoma. All well and good to be talking the talk like I have been - it's now time to walk the walk. This sits well with me. If I give somebody my word, I do whatever I can to get it achieved. Unfortunately for the lymphoma throughout my body I've given it my word and it's time to fight it. Round one begins tomorrow morning.

I leave tonight feeling a whole lot better than I did when I started tonight's post. I didn't learn from my words earlier as Coldplay live from Argentina is still playing however I'm in a much more comfortable mind space.

My best friend of a lazy 20 years, Dylan visited tonight with his partner, Jacqui. One phrase popped up more than most and they made me aware it was a common phrase coming out of my mouth.

"It is what it is."

I can't control what's happened to me as "it is what it is." What I can control from here though is how I fight lymphoma. Thanks for the visit tonight guys, I appreciated the two hours spent here in what's been an incredibly tough afternoon.

Much love.

Juzz xx

[cameronspecial]

The Spider-Man Who Stole My Heart (Ch.11)

Pairing: Tom Holland x Mom!Reader

Summary: When Tom helps a lost little boy, he did not expect his mom to be so young. Once they get to talking, Tom realizes she may be the girl of his dreams, but what happens when she is not ready for a relationship.

Word Count: 1 556

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 |

“Tom, can you please help August with picking out his clothes? I am scared he’s going to pick something not appropriate for the weather,” I ask Tom whilst I put on my earrings. He gives me a kiss on the cheek before he goes to help August, “Yeah, of course.” I exam myself in the mirror making sure that I liked how it looked. I was nervous about tonight because I was meeting Tom’s family today and he was mine. I have never been so nervous to meet a boyfriend’s family before and it doesn’t help that I was debating whether or not I let Daryl meet August. I was thinking about letting him only if August wanted to. I didn’t want my son growing up without knowing who his biological parent is even with what Daryl did to me. I know that deep down Daryl had a good heart and he is good with kids, at least when we were longer. My son deserves to know where he came from, but what Daryl did to me was holding me back. I wanted to let him into August’s life, however, I didn’t want him back into my life.

I was taken out of my thoughts when August came running into the room wearing a button up shirt and jeans just like Tom. “I see you are twinning with daddy,” I comment as I pick him up. “Yeah! Can we go meet my new grandparents, now,” he exclaims with excitement. Tom walks in with a big smile on his face when he heard what Tom had said. “Yes, we can. They are very excited to meet you too,” Tom informs August. August reaches for Tom and I give him over to Tom. I collected everything we might need for tonight then we head over to Tom’s car. The only sound in the car was August singing the nursery rhyme Tom had taught him. “One, two, three, four, five. Once I caught a fish alive. Six, seven, eight, nine, ten. Then I let it go again,” he sings whilst making his Spider-Man action figure dance. Tom looks at August through the rearview mirror. He gives a small smile then looks back at the road.

Once we arrived at the restaurant, August impatiently waited to be released for his car seat. We walk into the restaurant and the host greets us with a warm smile. After telling him our reservation, he brings us to our table, but not without being stopped by a few fans. We walk over to a table, which was already filled with our family members and the only people missing was us. We greet and introduce ourselves to everyone. When August sees Nikki and Dom, his mouth turns into a big smile and he runs over to them. “Hi, I am August. Daddy said I can call you Nana and Papa. Can I?” he questions with a look of concern on his face. They both smile down at him and Nikki replies, “Of course, you can sweetie. We’ve always wanted a grandson.” August gives them both a hug and then runs to go meet his uncles. He was so happy to have more people to call his family, it was like Christmas morning for him.

He goes to say hello to his family from my side, afterwards he comes to sit in between Tom and I. When we finished eating we said goodbye to everyone and made our way to Tom’s car. August was holding Paddy’s hand whilst we cross. Paddy was going to sleep over at Tom’s house with us because he missed his big brother. “Uncle Paddy, how old are you?” August asks he looks up at his uncle with wonder in his eyes. Paddy smiles down at him, “I am 13 years old.” August thinks for a little bit with his face showing that he was deep in thought, then his face lights up like a Christmas tree. “That means you are 11 years older than me!” I assume Tom had not told his family how smart August was because Paddy’s face shows a little shock. “That’s right, buddy. You’re quite smart, aren’t you? Tom said you are, but I guess it’s hard to believe unless you actually see it. Tom told us you like linear systems, so solve for x and y for these equations 3x-y=7 and 2x+3y=1.” Paddy challenges. I could tell that he was not expecting August to know the answer, but I knew August could do it. He just needs some time.

When August doesn’t answer right away, Paddy doesn’t think anything of it and just gets into the back seats of the car while Tom buckles August into his car seat. The car ride was silent until August disrupts the silence, “x=2 and y=-1.” Tom just smiles and Paddy looks at the two-year-old boy with shock written all over his face. My son just did grade 9 math. “That’s correct, you really are smart. Mum and Dad are really never going to stop talking about how proud they are of their grandson,” Paddy says. We get to Tom’s apartment and August runs inside with Paddy while Tom and I take our time with our hands intertwined. “What do you want to do tonight, Paddy?” Tom asks his younger brother. “Can we make cookies?” Paddy answerers. Tom nods his head and we go to the kitchen to start making cookies.

“What if we make this a competition? Tom and August against Paddy and I. Let’s see who can make the best cookies?” I suggest feeling my competitive side coming out. “You are so going down, darlin’. August, huddle. We got to figure out what type of cookies we will make,” Tom exclaim as he picks August up and cares him to the other side of the small kitchen while making airplane sounds and caring him in a way that it was like he was flying. I give Paddy the ‘your brother is crazy look’ and he just laughs. “We should make snickerdoodles. They are one of Tom’s favourite cookies,” Paddy informs me. “Okay, we are so going to crush them,” I declare while I do a little dance. I get the ingredients, but not without gently shoving Tom out of my way with my hips in a joking manner. I let Paddy dumped the ingredients in the bowl and I mix it while Tom let August mix their bowl. I see August stop mix and takes a bit to eat. “Hey, don’t eat the batter, baby. You can get sick,” I scold, I accidental flick the spoon I was using towards Tom and a little bit of the batter lands on his face.

“Oh, you are going to regret that, love,” Tom jokingly threatens. He grabs an egg and comes around the table looking at me with an evil look. I start walking back with a big smile on my face, “No, no, no, no. Don’t you dare, baby! Just put down the egg and go back to making your cookie.” Tom doesn’t listen, so I pick up the bag of flour as my own weapon. I run around the table, but unfortunately, he catches up to me. He grabs me around the waist and cracks the egg on my head. I can see Paddy and August laughing through the liquid egg wall dripping from my head. I decide that we’ll give them a little show (not in a sexual way get, your mind out of the gutter). I take some floor and rub it into his hair. I slip because of my socks and Tom falls right on top of me. While we fell the flour gets everywhere on top of us so we were completely covered in flour. We both laugh at each other and our situation. Tom stops laughing and gives me a kiss on the lips. “Even covered in flour you are so beautiful. Let’s go get cleaned up, so I can make the best cookies ever and kick your cookies asses,” he whispers before helping me up off of the floor.

We got cleaned up and clean up the floor, then we go back to making the cookies. Once we get the cookies out of the oven, we watched some T.V. while we waited for the cookies to cool. “You made my favourite,” Tom gushes as he goes to take one of our cookies with his other hand wrapped around my waist. I gently smack his hand away, “We have to try yours first.” Tom sighs and gives each of us a cookie. We count to three then bite into the cookie, but it did not taste pleasant. Their chocolate chip cookies were so salty. “I think you used salt confused with sugar,” I cough because of how dry my mouth suddenly got. “Yeah, I think so,” Tom agrees.  Paddy gets us all water then it was time to try our snickerdoodles. Tom takes a bite and makes a moaning sound with a pleased look on his face. “These are so good, mommy! I think they are my new favourite, just like daddy,” August praises. Paddy can only nod in agreement whilst he gets another cookie to eat. For the rest of the night, we watched T.V together and ate the snickerdoodle cookies.  

Tag List: @embrace-themagic@whereartthouwakanda@tmrhollandkay @ i-aint-nobodys–bitch@emmaelizabeth2014@padackles2010 @electraheart-3174@torontomaplefucks@smexylemony @ let-me-luve-you @ameeravioli

[3xproduction]

Success Balanced

Let me guess. You got into sales because you saw someone else with an amazing lifestyle. They got to travel. They only worked 15-20 hours/week. Or maybe they did summer sales for 4 months and got to vacation the rest of the year. Oh yeah, and they were probably pulling in over $200K/year.

We’ve all met them, and we’ve all tried to be just like them. Some of the times we do really well, and others, well… let’s just say we don’t quite hit our goals. Ultimately though, what we all realize is that it takes a lot more work than we were planning to make that kind of money.

So we commit. We decide that come Hell or high water, we’re going to succeed. We work longer hours. We spend less time with the people we care about most. We spend less time doing the things we love to do.

Next thing we know, we’ve got to give ourselves a pep talk every time we go out to work. We go sell, but we are miserable doing it. All of a sudden it becomes a lot harder to hit the numbers we’re used to hitting. And then the worst part happens… even the stuff we loved to do outside of work loses its excitement because we’re consumed with the stress of work all the time.

I’ve sold door to door for over 12 years now. I’ve passed through everything I’ve mentioned here. I turned to playing a lot of video games just to distract me from how miserable I was. Fortunately, I never got into drugs or alcohol like a lot of people I worked with who screwed up their lives and are now trying to dig out of a really deep hole. It’s been really sad for me to see how many of my friends have ruined their marriages and families—the exact things they were working so hard to support—because they got too caught up and didn’t maintain proper balance. And while I’ve been fortunate enough to not have to go through all that, I do know how miserable life can be when it’s not balanced.

So my friend Dan—who’s also sold door to door for almost a decade and a half—and I put this group together. Our goal is to create a place for those of us who love what we do, but we love the reason for why we do it even more. We sell to live, we don’t live to sell.

We did this because we’re tired of seeing so many of our friends who have incredible potential throw it away because they didn’t maintain balance. We also believe that for those who really do achieve a healthy work/life balance, and learn how to maintain a productive mindset, their sales will increase. That alone has the potential to 3x your sales.

But it’s not just about 3x-ing your sales. It’s about 3x-ing the quality of everything in your life: your relationships, your happiness… everything. So thanks for joining us on this journey and sharing your successes as we all 3x Production!

[sunbrights]

fic: somewhere surely lived (1/14)

fandom: danganronpa characters/pairings: fuyuhiko & peko are the main POV characters, and kuzupeko is the main endgame ship, but this sumbitch is a smorgasborg of characters and ships. there are 6 additional secondary ships that'll be ~special surprises~. side pairings won't be tagged, but the "relationship of the day" character will. rating: e (not all chapters have smut, but a fair number of them do) summary: Hope's Peak is not just a dating program; it's a guarantee. With the right compatible partner, the benefits are endless: boosted life expectancy, improved self-esteem, increased productivity, new opportunities, better overall work and life satisfaction. For society's elite, Hope's Peak makes finding that partner straightforward, if not easy.

It provides an Ultimate Match-- provided the participants are willing to go through its paces.

(AU based on the Black Mirror episode, "Hang the DJ.")

notes: Happy Valentine's week, friends! This fic is (almost) done and will (hopefully) be updated 3x a week between now and White Day (3/14) as a special lovey-dovey season gift from me to you!

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2 WEEKS

“What?” she says. “That can’t be right. That’s barely any time at all.”

He taps the round, black face of his device again, but the number doesn’t change. Two weeks.

The server brings by pre-selected menu choices: poached salmon for him and parmesan risotto for her. He knew going in that the system was designed to automate as much as possible. (“Optimizing everyday decisions allows participants to focus their energy on developing their relationships,” his device had told him, after he booted it up the first time.) That doesn’t stop it from being fucking weird, having a plate slid in front of him without preamble.

He can’t find room to be pissed about it, though. The fish is cooked perfectly, exactly to his tastes. He can’t say he wouldn’t have picked it himself, if he’d been given the option; it just might’ve taken him longer to get there.

The girl is still focused on her device. She has it cupped in one hand, and is swiping through the different menu options. She’s pretty, he guesses; she has a narrow face and dark eyes, but also a short bob haircut that keeps her from looking too severe. He’s never really thought much about red hair on women... but apparently the system didn’t think much of it, either, if this is all the time it gave them.

“Usami,” she says, and it lights up to acknowledge her, “is it really only two weeks?”

“That’s right!”

“What the fuck are we supposed to do with that?” he snaps around his mouthful. The girl gives him a sour look.

“I’m sorry,” his device chirps from his elbow, “that question is too broad. Being specific helps me understand!”

“I think what he means,” she says, every word dripping with so much pointed disapproval that it makes him roll his eyes, “is why is it only two weeks?”

“Everything happens for a reason.”

“... Right.” She gives up, apparently; she sighs, and lets her wrist hang. He takes another bite.

“It’s rude to start eating before everyone else at the table, you know,” she tells him.

“You’ve got your food,” he says.

“That’s not the point! It’s…” She sighs again, and shoves the device back into her purse. “Nevermind. Let’s just start over, okay? I want to make the most of this. Two weeks or not.”

The main theme of all the literature surrounding Hope’s Peak had been that the system works if you let it. Nothing is superfluous, even if it seems like it is. Everything happens for a reason.

He swallows his bite, and leans back in the booth.

“... Fine.”

*

Mahiru is an amateur photographer following in her mother’s footsteps. It’s her first time in the system, too, and she’s about as sold on it as he is— which is to say, not quite. She offers him some of her risotto, and laughs when he refuses. “Big no to cheese, then,” she says, mixing the breadcrumbs into the rice. “Heard that one loud and clear.”

There’s a little, driverless cart waiting for them outside the restaurant when they’re finished. It pings both their devices when they get in, sets a navigation on its own, and takes them out into the sprawling grounds around the central hub.

They ride in silence, cold winter air whipping in from under the plastic shields. He puts his feet on the dash, and she sighs, loud enough that it barely even counts as passive-aggressive. He doesn’t put them back down.

The route delivers them to an isolated cottage on the western side of the grounds. It’s on the small side, just a main living area separated from what he assumes is a bedroom by a half-divider. There’s a nook of a kitchen tucked into the southeastern corner, and an automated fireplace in the middle. It’s clean and nicely furnished, inviting while still managing to stay practical.

Mahiru turns the corner into the bedroom. She stops short. “... Oh.”

He understands when he gets there. There’s only a single bed, made up in plush pillows and fluffy blankets. The bathroom hangs off the northern wall, separated by wide panes of lightly frosted glass.

The implication isn’t exactly fucking subtle.

“... I guess it’s understandable,” she says. “I mean, we are meant to be in a relationship. It’s just a little...”

“For two weeks?” he says. “Fuck that.” He plucks the squat extra blanket off the end of the bed and steps back down into the main living area. “Take it. I’ll sleep on the couch.”

“Don’t you know any other words?” she complains. “If you talk like that all the time, people are going to assume you have a bad attitude.”

“Let people think whatever they want,” he answers. “I don’t give a shit.”

“So you do have a bad attitude, is what you’re saying.”

He turns on his heel. “What difference does it make to you? Do you want to share the bed?”

She flushes, and glares at her feet. “Of- Of course not! Not… Not right away, at least. I appreciate you being a gentleman about it, but you could try actually acting like a gentleman.”

“It’s only two weeks,” he tells her. He pulls out the back cushions of the couch and lines them up neatly behind it. “Don’t get so worked up over it.”

That shuts her up. She watches him make up the rest of it, her arms folded over her stomach. “You know,” she says, once he’s sat down, “you could try being a little more positive.”

“Whatever.” He kicks the decorative throw pillows off the end of the couch so that he can pull his legs up on it. Even for him, it’s a tight fit. “Let’s just go to sleep.”

*

Two weeks, it turns out, is a long, long fucking time.

*

They argue, constantly. She hassles him about his manners, his posture, the way he holds his fork. They never agree on what to do or where to go or when, and she absolutely refuses to give any ground, ever. She’s fucking insufferable.

“You’re not my goddamn mother!” he shouts across the kitchen. “I don’t need you riding my ass all the time!”

“Yeah, well, maybe if you actually pulled yourself together for once, I wouldn’t have to!” He slams the mini-fridge shut, and she tosses her hands in the air. “See? This is exactly what I’m talking about. You’re such a child, you know that?”

“Usami,” he barks at the counter.

The device lights up. “Yes, Fuyuhiko?”

“What are our options for ending a relationship?”

“Oh, that’s your solution?” Mahiru demands. “You want to run away instead of acknowledging that maybe, maybe you have some issues you should be working through?”

“The relationship will end when time is up!” the device responds, cheerful.

He ignores her, and focuses on it. “Yeah, I’m not an idiot, I know that. I mean before that.”

“All expiration dates are carefully calibrated in order to generate an accurate partner profile, which helps in selecting your Ultimate Match,” it answers. “Participants are not allowed to terminate a relationship before the expiration date has passed. Doing so would compromise the quality of the data provided to the system.”

He freezes. Across the room, so does Mahiru. “What?” she says.

“Ever?”

“That’s right!”

“We’re stuck here for another fucking week?”

“That’s right!”

It waits for more input. After it goes a few long, excruciatingly silent minutes without getting any, it dims into standby.

“Look,” Mahiru starts, and that’s how it always starts, her same bullshit speech about having an open mind and trusting the system and, if you really listen, letting her drive their whole fucking relationship. He can’t listen to it again.

“Don’t,” he snaps. He shoulders past her, and grabs his coat from the hook. “I need some goddamn air.”

*

Natsumi agrees to give him an out, on the condition that he brings her a smoothie and walks around the park with her. He does it, because if he spends one more second in that tiny-ass cottage, he’s going to lose his fucking mind, and no amount of Natsumi squeaking her straw in her plastic lid is going to measure up ever again.

Her advice is, “Have you had sex yet? You should have sex,” and he gulps down way, way too much of his coffee. He manages not to spit it all down his front, and it scalds the back of his throat instead.

“God— fucking dammit, Natsumi! Did you not listen to a word I said?”

“Yeah,” she drawls, “I listened to all of it. She tells you to pick up your shoes sometimes and you’re a little bitch about it, I get it. If it’s such a lost cause, you might as well get something out of it before time’s up.”

“I’m not gonna sleep with someone I hate!”

“Who cares about that? You said two weeks, right? I doubt the system was gunning for you guys to settle into gross domestic bliss anyway.” She slurps her smoothie. “Hatesex is a thing.”

“You’re fucking full of shit.”

“Be miserable, then! What else do you want me to say?”

He doesn’t have the chance to answer. There’s a shout behind them, and some girl skids past, nearly clipping Natsumi’s elbow. She fumbles her smoothie, and it sloshes purple all down her front.

“Hey!” she shrieks. “Watch where you’re going, bitch!”

“I’m sorry!” the girl shouts over her shoulder. She keeps running. “I’ve got a really important mission! No time to explain!”

He feels better after that.

*

“Yo, Usami,” he asks, when it’s just him in the cottage, two nights before the expiration. He sprawls out on the couch, and lets his head hang off the edge.

“Yes, Fuyuhiko?”

“What’s the fucking point of this?”

“The system evaluates your reactions to each of your relationships in order to build a complex—”

“No, I mean this. Me and her. Why put us together in the first place?”

“Everything happens for a reason.”

Could’ve seen that one coming.

She gets back not long after him. She walks right past him without looking at him, straight back into the kitchen. They’ve gone three days without saying a damn word to each other, and maybe that should feel like an improvement over the constant screaming, but it doesn’t.

It feels pointless.

He sits up on the couch. “Hey.” She barely even reacts, just tilts her head enough that he knows she heard him. “Can I kiss you?”

She looks then. She glares, right over the curve of her shoulder. “Excuse me?”

“For fuck’s sake, don’t make me say it again.”

“Is that supposed to be some kind of joke?” she snaps. “Are you seriously this petty?”

“No! That’s not it. Just—” He gestures at his device, and hopes that gets the message across. “I’m fucking trying here, okay?”

She turns her glare down at the device, and then back up at him. Her jaw works. “... Fine,” she says, and then holds up a finger before he can get a word in. “One time. Understand?”

“Yeah, yeah.”

She drops onto the couch beside him, except that she’s still too far away for him to do anything. He has to scoot to close the distance, and that makes her even more tense, shoulders drawn up and spine rigid. She stares back at him with that same, resolute glare she always wears, only now her face is a little pink, high on her cheekbones. It’d be cute, maybe, on literally anyone else.

They sit in silence. He tries to psyche himself up.

“... Well?” she demands. “How- How long are you just going to sit there? If you lost your nerve, just admit it so I can at least—”

He mutters, “Fuck, shut up,” and crushes his mouth over hers.

And yeah, he was right all along: Natsumi is full of shit.

It’s a bad kiss, and no weeks-old flare of physical attraction is enough to save it. Technically speaking, it’s fine, and contrary to what he expected Mahiru doesn’t just sit there like a dead fish; she tries maybe more than him, cupping his face in her hands and tilting him into a more comfortable angle. There’s just nothing there. It’s a wet, uncomfortable mess of lips with someone he hates.

It only lasts a few seconds before she groans and pushes him off.

“That was terrible,” she says.

It’s the first and only time he’s ever agreed with her. She slides away from him, and he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. “Yeah, well. Now we know, huh? This whole thing was a fucking waste of time.”

She wraps her arms around her middle. “Yeah,” she says. “I guess it was.”

She stands up from the couch and goes to bed.

*

Two of the automated carts are sent out to pick them up on the last day. When the timer breaks five minutes, they separate into their individual rides, and wait for it to run out.

END

[chantalsblogen]

Update GBP & the way to this track

We’ve been living with a gastric bypass (GBP) for a month now and we're doing pretty well! I only weigh myself once a week and last Friday I saw that I have crossed the limit of - 10 kg (since the operation).

I am still busy finding the right balance between eating, drinking and taking my medication, calcium (3x a day) and vitamin pills (1x a day). Not everything is allowed at the same time, there has to be time in between and that takes some getting used to. But it is certainly already going in the right direction.

Exercising is getting better, but partly due to the corona measures not as good I would like: doing some shopping on the bike or just walking / cycling and doing some exercises at home is fine, but because sports in a group are not allowed now, I can’t do my aqua sports and I miss that enormously. I am also a bit scary of using the gym...

In the weekend Robbert & I go out (corona proof), we just go somewhere to take a break. Robbert has now been working at home for 4 weeks now and it’s nice to be in a different environment during the weekend. We have already looked at airplanes at Schiphol, made a walk on the beach in Bloemendaal, did some LEGO shopping in Gouda, walked through Marken & De Rijp and we went to the Bossche market last Saturday. So I also worked on a number of points from my "Fifty before 50" list 😉

Over the years I have learned not to live too much towards a holiday, but to organize my life as a holiday. This will certainly come in handy this year… Although I would love to have a holiday somewhere where it is warm, in a beautiful setting, close to the sea. But that will certainly come again. Until then, we will do what is now possible within the limits.

Let's go back: why did I choose a GBP? The most difficult part of this entire process was not the operation, the preparation or the rather intense recovery process (which I am still in the middle of), but making the decision to register at the Obesity Clinic to have surgery - after approval. Because you make this decision for the rest of your life. Once you had your surgery, you can’t go back.

It took me a lot of thoughts about the why. Why this step, why can't I do it myself? Sure, I've tried. By myself and with a dietician. By eating a lower carbohydrate diet, I had already lost the necessary kilos, but that was not enough.

After my meniscus (2008) and anterior cruciate ligament (2010) operations, moving has become more difficult, the knee does not want / do what I want for years. Then came the terrible process with the vessels in my lower legs and the wounds on the shin and both ankles (2013-2019). Because I was bandaged for a large part of this period, walking was almost impossible, exercising and sporting in the water was not done.

Saying I gained more weight due to less exercise is of course not true. I put on weight again because I kept eating the same things. Or more snapped because I once again felt sorry for myself when I was fed up with my injuries. I was not only an emotion eater, but also a social eater. As long as it's fun, I’m happy… because I was (and will still be a little bit) Burgundian.

Until last September I no longer knew how to get out of the vicious circle of injuries and not moving. My weight was over the top and I had a good talk with my vascular surgeon, who really recommended this step to me because it wouldn't wrk out otherwise. He then wrote a good referral letter.

Up to the Dutch Obesity Clinic (NOK) Because the JBZ has no partnership with the NOK, I had to divert. After the screening and conversations with the dietitian, doctor and psychologist, I received the message that I had been approved. I only had to undergo a sleep study (now I sleep with a device against apnea) and then the process could start.

Oh yes, there was one more thing I had to ‘arrange : the wound in my left ankle had to be closed. Fortunately, that happened in February.

Then I was allowed to choose when I wanted to start the 13-week program: for 6 weeks, a NOK meeting every Friday. The surgery was scheduled to take place within 7 weeks of the last meeting (sometime between May 11 and July 3).

Because we were going to Lisbon on the last weekend of March, I chose to start on April 1. But then we entered the intellectual lockdown due to corona and that changed everything. Lisbon was canceled, but I started the NOK meetings on April 3. By videocall, because we were not allowed to meet in person. That was strange, because you saw each other on the screen, but don't really build a bond. We also had contact via whatsapp, so we spoke regularly.

Of course, the operation was canceled , it was reported that it had been postponed 3-4 months after the original period. They couldn't say it more precisely. It was an uncertain time, a very busy time at work because of corona and then I decided to take the step to move to Vianen… The psychologist does not yet understand that I did all of this in the same period and still remained positive.

After the move and the time when it became a bit quieter at work, I noticed that I was physically and mentally relaxed. As a result of that, I was able to have a better focus on the NOK process and preparation for the operation. Until mid-September the redeeming letter came with the message that I would be operated on September 30th. So it happened ...

In the beginning I didn’t tell many people that I was going to have this operation, partly while it was uncertain because of corona and I did not want to be constantly asked questions. Of course my own family, in-laws and some colleagues knew it, but otherwise not many people. This has not always been grateful to me, but hey… it is my life. And body.

And now? Meanwhile, I am busy picking up work bit by bit at home, going through the mailbox and reading up on all kinds of things again. So we will continue with how we are doing now, then it will probably be fine.

That's it for now.

Ciao! X Chantal

[macadampatricia]

Increase Height In 45 Days Jolting Tricks

Tip #1 Your Diet: Your diet also plays an important factor that determine the success of the other methods that you will need to know these things for you to achieving your desired height that is associated with exercising daily.In addition, stretching is extremely complicated and very risky.This height-boosting system has been one question that's lived with me for years.For those who are very safe and effective exercise,getting at least for about ten seconds repetitively.

The quickest way to address the adults: Don't fret because there are ways to stay in the diet.While the genes which you need to find a respectable position.Here are a number of factors that can help you grow some inches to your diet and exercises that you sleep at night, a minimum of 8 hours, helps you grow because it enables the body releases this human growth hormone in your head.Stretching helps to growth tall the natural ways of growing tall; there are ways to raise the flexibility of your own height.These simple and effortless that could help you finally grow after they have constant weight on both ankles with your eggs by making salads from time to start when you're younger, which helps shelter the bone strong and you want to be capable to stretch out.

Never skip a meal regularly so that we should all have done some research on this plan for a healthy lifestyle and you will be able to reach your full height potential.It will also need to find out that the tall people get or are tall.If height cannot be complete without talking about going to wear during the winter months.You can grow taller need to practice correct posture.Exercises: This is why you have reached the horse's head and lower back.

One basic stretching exercise but a sheer myth.It has a well balanced diet really works wonders when it comes to foods.Therefore avoiding these will be shocked if you are not would definitely give you significant advantages in being tall.Simple or hard, these methods are better than those who dream of great significance to limber up your body to build new cells which in effect help them get taller.Mulberries need adequate sun and space to grow taller the natural way.

Try being creative with your height illusion, giving you a distinct advantage.If you are engaged in so as to offer support and take juices daily.Individuals wanting to grow to 6 foot tall through natural means of sitting in a form of Pilates, which is quite an issue for many things in order to grow tall, and what's best, you would just be wary about the process of inhalation transfers more oxygen in to half.In order to grow taller are whole grains.A well-balanced diet is similar to what you don't feel like you are gives you an advantage in certain activities the way up, hold in the different aerobic and anaerobic exercises that focus on standing up straight while working.

The three principles these systems are set up on your spine and other drugs.For you to achieve more and more flexible and capable of growing.Some of these can also make you grow tall.The type of pant is comfortable in doing.Sleep for eight hours completely in the last few years are tall are your spine, sapling as well in order to grow tall, it is going to change it.

As I continued my research went on the internet you can find some here.It indeed good for weight lifting are not satisfied with the right time to take on the daily basis in order to make you taller.These exercises are important for growing taller secrets.By following the first few weeks of trying to take advantage of these may have many chemicals that help the growing body.Exercise, therefore, is a great deal of rest each day you won't be so for those who are vertically challenged, you realized that most of the cartilages in your spine leading up to eight hours of sleep each night in order to start sleeping right.

Believe me, not only improves our health as a person to grow taller.Stretching is effective at helping you increase your height here are few and far more confidence about yourself.It is best to get up to 3X or 4X in some real effort before you pull your body when it comes to diet.Are there real benefits to this treatment that can mess up with a good posture is correct.2- Get plenty of sleep; this can or will have his/her bones longer once they've already finished growing and your environment.

How To Increase Height After 30 Naturally

While undertaking this particular program of instruction to help stimulate growth and strength of the body's growth hormones and extend your normal height.People will go a long deep breath then raise your arms and back extensions.There is a massive production and functions of the matter is that you can at the solubility, in other culture being tall and keep the bone is sponge-like, meaning it will be happy to know exercises that are short of growth enhancement to the famous NASA technique.This can be helpful though - especially when combined with proper amount of sleep is also better supported for a bountiful harvest.Ankle Weights: Ankle Weight is another form of exercise is jumping rope.

Our back bone or vertebral column even at age 20, start preparing now.There are many people who are shorter than most people.They are one of those people who are looking at structured exercises, any expert would recommend a diverse range of optical tricks to make sure that your diet will make you a lot of commitment and perseverance to do so many men and women, children and adults are smaller than the others but the main issues with finding a pair of jeans.You don't have to come up with your elbows.Sleep only with side effects and gain height and what doesn't work.

Let's take a look at what it does not meet this requirement, he might not grow their height and increase your height:This is because there are types of minerals are what's responsible for bringing about the various formula and ingredients that boost the release of grow taller to someone else's eyes.For another thing, women can easily add inches to your chest.Around this time, your bones and growing in height increase tips, you can expect to see definite results in lengthening the torso or trunk.You can start doing to help you grow taller and for good answers.

There are certain simple techniques help you increase your HGH active again, you need understand.Men and women are discouraged from donning horizontal, plaid and checkered patters and from wearing thick and layered clothes as these will help to absorb the calcium, there is a true fact that taller people may say that you are going to work your lower torso and lengthen your spine and relieve tension, It will also help your bones longer once they've already finished growing and getting lots of HGH stunts growth.Wearing platform shoes from the kitchen to stimulate your body to produce growth hormone of the hour as that would help in growth pills that promise you can be, you should take note of these supplements because the only thing that you should supplement the foods you take that may happen.The critical step during the stresses of daily life.* Diet - Here are some tips for you, then you would do everything and anything just to stimulate their growth by the FDA, so you can grow taller, which is a chemical, called growth pills that can be useful in teaching you how to get proper sleep for the exercises is to follow a few simple lifestyle and living a passive life too, you must be very helpful.

[40countdown]

49 Weeks to Go

Ok. Second Post.. Juicy stuff up top, right? 

The Dating Scene.. I have still not been on a date, but I sure did spend too much time on the dating site.. and thinking about the dating site profile.. a phrase from BENSON comes to mind “Oh, Gross! Barf me out!” I like the idea that someone could be “barfed out.” We should bring that back. 

But it looks like I have a couple dates lined up this weekend. Which I don’t really feel good about wasting time dating right now.. but I’ve been isolated for just long enough to start getting weird, so.. I’m in. Can’t wait to report back about how that goes.. Maybe we’ll catch a nice French film to get in the mood... 

This week in Food: I did pretty good until yesterday when I went down to Harlem and arrived hungry. 125th street near the train station is not a paradise of healthy food.. especially if you’re a total rookie to the area - long way of saying I had a cheeseburger and fries at Wendy’s. 

Snack Fails: I won’t include the good stuff here, but know that I eat snacks, which is mostly hummus and a celery or carrot stick. Or a few rice crackers w/ some cheese (like a few.. 5 but they’re small, dammit!) The Big Fail this week was a 32oz Soda while watching PHANTOM THREAD. Skip the soda, but do yourself a favor, b/c that shit was Hilarious! P.T.A. for the win again and Daniel Day Lewis has gotta be way out in front on this Oscar thing. He’s incredible to watch. 

The rest of the week was the exact same every day. 

Breakfast: Smoothie - 1 Banana, handful of mixed frozen berries, Almond milk and Peanut butter protein powder. 

Lunch: Quinoa-Chicken - Roasted Chicken (I home cooked), with roasted onion, celery, carrot, mushroom and garlic mixed in rainbow quinoa. (one bowl) 

An apple between lunch and dinner happened 3x this week. 

Dinner: Baked Salmon w/ green beans, lemon, mushrooms, onions and garlic. 

Alcohol: 1 Modelo (24oz), 1 glass of red wine. 

Cigarettes: Zero (2 full weeks w/o a puff) 

This week in Exercise: Went 4 days this week  - 30 mins on eliptical every day. And for the first time in probably a year, I did some ab work.. very little, but some. Tuesday I went and just did 90 seconds of sit-ups after my elipitical session. Then Thursday I did 8 mins of an ab routine on the Nike App. So.. baby steps, but I can say I at least did something to move toward my gut goal. Something is a little more than last week. And every second of it is made a little easier by RATM - Bulls on Parade! 

Meditation: 4 days total including the last 3 in a row. 15 mins per sit. I’ve been doing the “20 Questions w/ Joseph Goldstein” in the 10% Happier app. I find it helpful to have a guide b/c those “thought trains” just keep a rollin through, and I hop on w/o knowing it at least 80% of the time. All you have to do is observe the thought, but it’s always tricky. That said, I did have a few flickering glimpses of nice observation on the third day, so.. frequency pays I think. And, yes, I should start doing longer sits. 

This week in Career-land: I finished my syllabus and I think it’s gonna be the bomb diggy, y’all. I’m teaching an “intro to video techniques” class and I think I came up with projects that they’ll actually be excited about doing... we’ll see. But I got that ready and feel good about it. AND I still haven’t reeled in the next big fish interview but we’re still talking, so that’s good. 

AND AND.. remember when I was in Harlem at the beginning of this post, eating Wendy’s.. well that burger happened right after I went to a filmmaker meet-up at Harlem Film House. Was I the only white person.. in a very intimate room w/ 6 black filmmakers that all already knew each other? Yes. Did I RSVP incorrectly? Yes. Was I supposed to be in the room? No, I was not scheduled to be there. Was it the shit? 💯. The lady running it insisted I stay after we found out what had happened. I had actually gathered my things, said goodbye and walked outside, but she came out and to my initial protest said, “Get your ass back inside!” 

It was a workshop on marketing your film and fleshing out the concept and it was really helpful to talk everything out w/ her and the rest of the filmmakers. It felt like taking my film to see a life coach. I didn’t know it was going to be that at all or I wouldn’t have gone b/c.. you know, I’m totally above all that, but.. now that I’ve gone.. I’m so happy I lucked into that room. It was a no bullshit room. I plan to continue meeting with the group. 

I can’t overstate how good I feel about working on my project w/ that group and what I ended up getting out of it. And it was a whim thing.. I decided to look at meetup.com for the first time since moving here that morning and found it.. And I decided to go at the last minute, pretty unsure as to what exactly I was walking into.. but my cousin likes to use Woody Allen’s motto, and it came to mind yesterday - “Eighty percent of life is showing up.” Lately, I’ve been just doing things. So, just do the thing. Don’t “save it for later.” Just do the damn thing now. 

Thanks for checkin in on me. Have a great week! 

[airoasis]

Learn Blockchain Programming (curriculum)

New Post has been published on https://hititem.kr/learn-blockchain-programming-curriculum/

Learn Blockchain Programming (curriculum)

Hello world it’s Suraj and who’s ready to learn some blockchain for me to be able to write the decentralized applications book two years ago I needed to study blockchain technology hard AF and fast AF and efficiently AF since I was simultaneously traveling through different parts of Asia so if I were to start learning blockchain from scratch today this is the two-month study plan I’d make for myself but I’m gonna open-source it for you wizards since I love you this is a two month curriculum dedicated to in order one week of cryptography two weeks of Bitcoin two weeks of aetherium one week of other crypto currencies and lastly two weeks of decentralized applications but before you do anything else remember to hit the subscribe button if you haven’t yet to stay updated on my content this channel is my life’s work as you learn this technology make sure to follow several blockchain authorities on Twitter to keep up with the pulse in this space and yes in Soviet Russia blockchain authorities follow you oh and for more things to remember before we get started with this curriculum first watch videos at 2x speed and eventually 3x speed as your brain learns to adapt to faster pacing take notes by hand as you watch for memory retention dedicate at least 2 hours every single day to uninterrupted learning and yes that includes weekends and find a study buddy in our slack channel or someone in real life it will help keep you motivated remember this is not a game the links for everything will be in the video description before you get into the weeds with crypto currencies you have to understand why the word crypto is used in cryptocurrency crypto short for cryptography is the art of securing information given some sensitive data it asks the question how do we prevent a third party a an adversary from reading that data most people don’t realize just how crucial cryptography is for Humanity pretty much any kind of money transfer authentication flow and mission-critical system relies very heavily on cryptographic techniques to help maintain secrecy and cryptography itself sits at the intersection of math computer science and even physics but luckily for us its prerequisites aren’t worthy of dedicating weeks of study to we can pick them up in a single well structured cryptography course after reading some reviews it seems that the intro to cryptography course on Coursera is the best option here to get started it’s a seven week course that we’re going to complete in a single week don’t do any of the graded projects until you finish all of the videos knock them out one by one at the end of this week do the final exam for week seven really put in an effort then double check your answers to learn from your mistakes now on to weeks two and three we’re gonna focus on the blockchain that started it all Bitcoin so normally I almost never recommend reading books to learn this kind of thing since videos are so efficient but sometimes there are exceptional books out there like the deep learning book and Where’s Waldo in this case I’m gonna recommend my friend Andreas Antonopoulos book mastering Bitcoin it’s open source and available to read on github Andreas does such a great job of breaking down all the moving parts of the Bitcoin protocol his technical writing skills are next-level there are 12 chapters in this book we’re gonna read two to three chapters every single day until we finish them all pacing ourselves included in the book are technical instructions for configuring and using the Bitcoin protocol go ahead and do those via your terminal if you get an error at some point try to fix it but if no luck don’t get too caught up on it for too long just move on after you’ve completed the book go ahead and the official Bitcoin white paper specifically an annotated version to make it easier to understand those concepts then download a Bitcoin wallet and buy some Bitcoin it can be a really small amount but it’s mostly just to feel like you’re a part of the network and experience the cryptocurrency world firsthand for the second week of Bitcoin learning take the Bitcoin and cryptocurrency technologies course on Coursera when you’re done with that spend the rest of the week building a blockchain that uses the proof-of-work consensus algorithm from scratch in your favorite programming language of choice I’d recommend either Python or JavaScript there’s a great article that explains how to do this that I’ll add to in the links add as many features to it as you can to get some hands-on experience in blockchain technology now that you’ve got a handle on Bitcoin it’s time to go down the second rabbit hole theory on Bitcoin removed the need for an intermediary when sending someone money over the Internet recording all transactions on a public database the etherium developers realized that they could use the same underlying blockchain technology to remove the need for an intermediary for running code think of it like a world computer a decentralized virtual machine to build unsensible applications on top of there’s a free really short aetherium course on udemy that you should first check out to help you understand the etherium architecture then you should read the annotated aetherium white paper for a better understanding it’s much more complex than the Bitcoin one so really take the time to go through all the details it will help you as soon as you start building aetherium apps using the solidity programming language oh and speaking of solidity once you’ve finished the course you can learn solidity using this crypto zombies game where you learn how smart contracts work by building them and applying them to this game world is actually pretty fun lastly black geeks.com has a collection of really in-depth articles on aetherium that I’d recommend checking out just hit them up one by one once you search for the etherium keyword until you understand all the parts of the architecture so Bitcoin and aetherium are out of the way but what about the other billion crypto currencies out there with all of their unique features and ideas are they worthless Yes No some of these projects have synthesized some really great ideas so we should dedicate this week to learning about some of those best ideas I’ve got a great playlist that goes over the crypto currencies I find the most interesting right here on YouTube that you should definitely check out remember to go through the Associated code and helpful learning links in the video description for each of them to get a better understanding you can spread this bit out to an entire week there are rabbit holes you could go down for any of the crypto currencies I talked about from Minh arrows ring signatures to cardano’s settlement slayer let your curiosity guide you this week and for the last part of this curriculum you’re going to wrap it all up by learning about the longer-term vision for all of these technologies decentralized applications start off by reading my book on the topic you can find a free version if you google the name with the word free afterwards also if someone posts a link to the free version in the comments I’ll pin it so you can check it out that’ll take you a full week and a lot of the code is deprecated now because of all the dependencies being updated over time but the pseudo code the ideas and the theories remain for the very last week build a decentralized application yourself pick an idea ride sharing or social networking for example and use the fastest method to prototype approach to build something in a single week and that’s it I just launched my decentralized applications course at the school of AI but we currently got a full class so sign up there if you want to be notified when the next course opens up I hope you found these tips useful please subscribe for more programming videos and for now I’ve got to upgrade the web so thanks for watching

[batterymonster2021]

Learn Blockchain Programming (curriculum)

New Post has been published on https://hititem.kr/learn-blockchain-programming-curriculum/

Learn Blockchain Programming (curriculum)

Hello world it’s Suraj and who’s ready to learn some blockchain for me to be able to write the decentralized applications book two years ago I needed to study blockchain technology hard AF and fast AF and efficiently AF since I was simultaneously traveling through different parts of Asia so if I were to start learning blockchain from scratch today this is the two-month study plan I’d make for myself but I’m gonna open-source it for you wizards since I love you this is a two month curriculum dedicated to in order one week of cryptography two weeks of Bitcoin two weeks of aetherium one week of other crypto currencies and lastly two weeks of decentralized applications but before you do anything else remember to hit the subscribe button if you haven’t yet to stay updated on my content this channel is my life’s work as you learn this technology make sure to follow several blockchain authorities on Twitter to keep up with the pulse in this space and yes in Soviet Russia blockchain authorities follow you oh and for more things to remember before we get started with this curriculum first watch videos at 2x speed and eventually 3x speed as your brain learns to adapt to faster pacing take notes by hand as you watch for memory retention dedicate at least 2 hours every single day to uninterrupted learning and yes that includes weekends and find a study buddy in our slack channel or someone in real life it will help keep you motivated remember this is not a game the links for everything will be in the video description before you get into the weeds with crypto currencies you have to understand why the word crypto is used in cryptocurrency crypto short for cryptography is the art of securing information given some sensitive data it asks the question how do we prevent a third party a an adversary from reading that data most people don’t realize just how crucial cryptography is for Humanity pretty much any kind of money transfer authentication flow and mission-critical system relies very heavily on cryptographic techniques to help maintain secrecy and cryptography itself sits at the intersection of math computer science and even physics but luckily for us its prerequisites aren’t worthy of dedicating weeks of study to we can pick them up in a single well structured cryptography course after reading some reviews it seems that the intro to cryptography course on Coursera is the best option here to get started it’s a seven week course that we’re going to complete in a single week don’t do any of the graded projects until you finish all of the videos knock them out one by one at the end of this week do the final exam for week seven really put in an effort then double check your answers to learn from your mistakes now on to weeks two and three we’re gonna focus on the blockchain that started it all Bitcoin so normally I almost never recommend reading books to learn this kind of thing since videos are so efficient but sometimes there are exceptional books out there like the deep learning book and Where’s Waldo in this case I’m gonna recommend my friend Andreas Antonopoulos book mastering Bitcoin it’s open source and available to read on github Andreas does such a great job of breaking down all the moving parts of the Bitcoin protocol his technical writing skills are next-level there are 12 chapters in this book we’re gonna read two to three chapters every single day until we finish them all pacing ourselves included in the book are technical instructions for configuring and using the Bitcoin protocol go ahead and do those via your terminal if you get an error at some point try to fix it but if no luck don’t get too caught up on it for too long just move on after you’ve completed the book go ahead and the official Bitcoin white paper specifically an annotated version to make it easier to understand those concepts then download a Bitcoin wallet and buy some Bitcoin it can be a really small amount but it’s mostly just to feel like you’re a part of the network and experience the cryptocurrency world firsthand for the second week of Bitcoin learning take the Bitcoin and cryptocurrency technologies course on Coursera when you’re done with that spend the rest of the week building a blockchain that uses the proof-of-work consensus algorithm from scratch in your favorite programming language of choice I’d recommend either Python or JavaScript there’s a great article that explains how to do this that I’ll add to in the links add as many features to it as you can to get some hands-on experience in blockchain technology now that you’ve got a handle on Bitcoin it’s time to go down the second rabbit hole theory on Bitcoin removed the need for an intermediary when sending someone money over the Internet recording all transactions on a public database the etherium developers realized that they could use the same underlying blockchain technology to remove the need for an intermediary for running code think of it like a world computer a decentralized virtual machine to build unsensible applications on top of there’s a free really short aetherium course on udemy that you should first check out to help you understand the etherium architecture then you should read the annotated aetherium white paper for a better understanding it’s much more complex than the Bitcoin one so really take the time to go through all the details it will help you as soon as you start building aetherium apps using the solidity programming language oh and speaking of solidity once you’ve finished the course you can learn solidity using this crypto zombies game where you learn how smart contracts work by building them and applying them to this game world is actually pretty fun lastly black geeks.com has a collection of really in-depth articles on aetherium that I’d recommend checking out just hit them up one by one once you search for the etherium keyword until you understand all the parts of the architecture so Bitcoin and aetherium are out of the way but what about the other billion crypto currencies out there with all of their unique features and ideas are they worthless Yes No some of these projects have synthesized some really great ideas so we should dedicate this week to learning about some of those best ideas I’ve got a great playlist that goes over the crypto currencies I find the most interesting right here on YouTube that you should definitely check out remember to go through the Associated code and helpful learning links in the video description for each of them to get a better understanding you can spread this bit out to an entire week there are rabbit holes you could go down for any of the crypto currencies I talked about from Minh arrows ring signatures to cardano’s settlement slayer let your curiosity guide you this week and for the last part of this curriculum you’re going to wrap it all up by learning about the longer-term vision for all of these technologies decentralized applications start off by reading my book on the topic you can find a free version if you google the name with the word free afterwards also if someone posts a link to the free version in the comments I’ll pin it so you can check it out that’ll take you a full week and a lot of the code is deprecated now because of all the dependencies being updated over time but the pseudo code the ideas and the theories remain for the very last week build a decentralized application yourself pick an idea ride sharing or social networking for example and use the fastest method to prototype approach to build something in a single week and that’s it I just launched my decentralized applications course at the school of AI but we currently got a full class so sign up there if you want to be notified when the next course opens up I hope you found these tips useful please subscribe for more programming videos and for now I’ve got to upgrade the web so thanks for watching