#and the rest of her dmbj fic

[eirenical]

sooo… tell me more about that heiping smut. that sounds relevant to my interests for some reason. (yes, yes i just want to hear more about it bc i love it a lot. SO WHAT. DON'T JUDGE ME.)

(what if i put this one on anon! WHAT IF.)

Why, I can't imagine why a WiP titled "Laire fic heiping smut outtake" would be relevant to your interests! 😁 (And I have a feeling I would have known this one was you, too. CALL IT A HUNCH. XD)

[The WiP Title List, if anyone else would like to ask about one. ^_^]

ANYWAY, about a year ago, @laireshi wrote this AMAZING Heiping fic, Exploration, that had this line in the second paragraph:

It wasn’t as if he was actually expecting an answer, between Yaba’s inability to speak more than one sentence a week—and Xiazi was rather sure Yaba had used up all his words for the month begging in bed last night, and yes, he was very proud of himself for that one—and this having to do with the Zhang family’s Super Secret Stuff.

And that bit between the em-dashes caught me by the fucking THROAT and wouldn't let go. So I asked Laire if she would mind if I took a stab at writing that night before when Xiaoge used up his month's worth of words begging in bed, and her response was basically "YES PLEASE". ;D So I did. 😁

It's a bit under 3300 words now and I have maybe... one more scene to write plus some snuggling? I also have quite a bit more begging to get in for Xiaoge to fill that quota. XD So far most of his begging seems to be some variation of Hei Xiazi's name, but Xiazi doesn't seem to mind. ;D

But basically this has become an exercise of Hei Xiazi trying to figure out exactly how much soft pampering, how much teasing, and how many orgasms he can get away with giving Xiaoge before Xiaoge actually starts begging for real and not just screaming his name. 😏😁 So far we're at... three teases and two orgasms with Xiazi already planning round three?

It'll be a wonder Xiaoge can even WALK by the time the fic takes place. XD

(And yes, I just got distracted rereading the fic for the nth time while I was taking that tally. I really do need to finish this one and post it. MAYBE AFTER GRADING HELL WEEK IS DONE. AS A TREAT. 😁)

In the meantime... snippet behind the cut? Yeah. I think a snippet behind the cut. ^_^

Showers, Hei Xiazi had always thought, were a revelation.  They'd not been common place when he was born, but they'd been installed in the house as soon as they were available.  Xiazi had reveled in them then and continued to do so now.  The pounding of hot water on sore muscles, the buildup of steam opening pores and congested breathing, the speed with which the grime fell from his overworked body… yeah.  Still a revelation.  But sometimes, just sometimes, there was no replacement for a nice long soak in a hot bath.

Especially with the right company.

Xiazi slid his fingers back into Yaba's hair, massaging his scalp as he lathered, then letting his hands drift lower to the tight column of Yaba's neck and shoulders.  Did those muscles ever relax?  Sometimes Xiazi wondered if Yaba even knew the meaning of the word.  Digging his thumbs deeply into the muscles at the base of Yaba's neck, he slowly dragged them upwards to the knobs at the base of his skull.  Steady pressure, deep strokes, coaxing those muscles to unwind, to let go of their knots, to ease the headache that surely must be forming from all that tension.

After barely a minute of those gentle ministrations, Xiazi was rewarded with a subtle, barely-there shiver and a long, low moan.  Moments later, Yaba's head fell back to rest against Xiazi's shoulder, his body quickly following, settling softly into the curve of Xiazi's body.  Exactly what he'd been waiting for.

Xiazi rinsed his hands in the bathwater, then filled the bowl he'd left aside for just this purpose.  Shielding Yaba's eyes with one hand, he lifted the bowl and slowly rinsed the shampoo lather from his hair.  Bowl by bowl, the lather washed away into the tub to mingle with the water, leaving Yaba's hair sleek and soft, his body growing heavier against Xiazi with every bowl full of water that sluiced over his skin.

It wasn't often that Yaba let himself be taken care of like this.  It was weeks, months, sometimes years, after their each reacquaintance before Yaba would let his guard down enough to let Xiazi do this for him—before he could even begin to understand why Xiazi would want to.

After all, you maintained your tools, certainly, but you didn't buy them sweets.  You didn't hold them close while they slept.  You didn't coax and caress them until they agreed to let a day go by when they wouldn't be used.  You didn't show them affection.  And Yaba, Hei Xiazi had long since learned, viewed himself as nothing more than a tool, unless someone taught him otherwise.  And that was the worst thing of all.

But today, when Hei Xiazi had drawn a bath for himself, had teasingly invited Yaba to join him, Yaba had surprised him.  His expression had softened, those too long fingers drifting through Hei Xiazi's hair as their gazes met—one shielded and one guarded, though not so much as it had once been.  He'd left the bathroom, then, puttered around in the hotel room for a while, turning off lights as he moved.  He left only one lamp lit, softly reflected light the only illumination once he was done. 

"Admit it, you just want to get a gander at my gorgeous eyes, don't you?" Hei Xiazi had said, as Yaba returned and slipped the black glasses from his face.

Yaba had shaken his head, a smile so fond crossing his lips that Xiazi's breath caught in his chest like a lovesick teenager's.  Moments later, Yaba was peeling out of his clothes and slipping into the tub, and here they'd been ever since.

[forerussake]

one line any fic! rules: pick ten of your fics, scroll to somewhere midpoint, pick a line chunk and share it, and then tag ten people

I was tagged by the amazing @lynne-monstr thank you!! this one was a lot of fun! most of these are quite recent. tt became hard to pick, at some point i wanted to just include everything i’ve ever written, but that wasn’t playing nice :( some of these got a little long too, but “chunk” wasn’t very specific so i’m saying not my problem xD

1. Spirometer (DMBJ, Reboot, Pangxie)

“The same nightmare?” Pangzi asks, his voice soft and deep and so very warm, still a little rough with sleep.

He steps around Wu Xie, sits down on the edge of the bathtub, still easily within reach, one hand still on Wu Xie’s shoulder, the other not stopping its gentle motions in his hair.

Wu Xie nods.

“I couldn’t breathe,” he whispers, and he hates it.

2. in tune (Guardian, Weilan)

“Dark energy is not alive in the biological sense. It’s not an organism comprised of living cells, and yet it does live in a way. I don’t know how else to describe it. It feels alive. It’s a life force. I wouldn’t exist without it. It’s as integral to my existence as my brain, my nerves, my heart, my DNA.”

He breathes in deeply, closing his eyes and tuning out the sound of the rain and the thunder outside, closer now, focusing on his own energy instead. He feels it humming under his skin, swirling around in his core and flowing through the rest of him, tingling at his fingertips.

“It’s almost like a symbiotic relationship,” he murmurs, opening his eyes and looking up Zhao Yunlan again, “except it really is a part of me. There’s patterns to it. Like energy signatures. Unique to every individual. Like frequencies of sound waves, or of light, except a thousand times more complicated than that. It’s– not uneven, but… it breathes. It’s alive. I can’t describe it any other way.”

3. As though the sun has come to call (Z1L RPF)

Zhu Yilong wishes sometimes that he had more time to spend with friends, and to visit his parents. He thinks he could probably make some more time for it if he tried. He doesn’t have to sprint from one project to the next, from filming to photoshoots to interviews and back to filming without end, at least until Chan-jie makes him take a break.

He doesn’t have to do that, but it is how he works. Choosing the noise to surround himself with instead of letting it wash over him until he drowns.

4. Kaleidoscope (Guardian)

“Why wouldn’t you?” one of them asks after a moment, and Deng Suyin looks back at her, then at her other friends, and then across the room at Li Qian and the professor, and then she bursts into tears.

Li Qian is frozen in place for a moment, wanting to come to xiao-Deng’s rescue but not quite knowing how. Professor Shen has no such doubts.

“Some people don’t,” he says, his voice firm and even, either consciously or unconsciously slipping into lecture tones, albeit a little softer, “and that is perfectly normal, and those people don’t have to have sex or get married anyway just to conform to what society has wrongfully deemed to be the norm.”

5. a hand within a hand (holding light), chapter 5 (Guardian)

Professor Shen looks frazzled. He looks exhausted and shaky and… upset? His jaw is clenched, lips pressed tightly together. There’s so much tension in his posture that it looks almost painful to Liu Chang. His fingers are clenched around the straps of his backpack in a white-knuckled grip, seemingly to keep them from shaking. He looks the most out of sorts Liu Chang has ever seen him. As if that sense of familiarity behind the concern Liu Chang saw in his eyes when he asked the professor for that extended deadline and the hidden tiredness he’s been observing for weeks and the sense of miserable restraint and longing he has seen in him during his conversations with chief Zhao, have all been combined into one and magnified by a factor of ten thousand.

from here on i was running out of space and had to start picking and choosing one thing from every fandom i’ve written for *wails*, under the cut!

6. With the changing of a thousand seasons (DMBJ, Mystic Nine, Fuba)

He can’t, because he’s the one who has to keep it together, who has to hold down the fort, until Foye is better and Erye is too, until Zhang Rishan has pulled himself together again, and madam Yin is able to stand still for long enough to take a proper breath for the first time since all of this nonsense started.

“He’s not going to die,” Qi Tiezui says, “he’s not going to die, he’s not going to die.”

And he’s aware his eyes are starting to fill up with tears and it’s making his glasses fog up, and every time he says those words they sound less like a statement and more like a question, more frantic, borderline hysterical, less and less like he actually believes them.

“He’s not going to die, he’s not going to die, he’s not going to die?”

7. A ballad of burning lungs and bated breath (Tolkien, Silmarillion)

“It’s always the same story, isn’t it?” Maglor scoffs. “It’s always time, or fate, there’s never a choice around here.”

Finrod looks like he wants to protest that statement, but Maglor doesn’t give him the chance to. Instead he mounts the brown horse, and leaves his cousin standing in the dust.

It takes a while for Finrod to catch up with him.

“You’re wrong, you know,” he says, as soon as he does, and Maglor wants to roll his eyes at him but can’t. Not when it’s that sentence. Not when it’s spoken in that tone. By a person with those curls in their hair.

8. Of stars and city lights and sun, of all the lights that lead us home (QZGS/TKA, Sun Xiang/XIao Shiqin)

“But how do you know?” Sun Xiang asks again, frustration seeping into his voice, frustration and fear, so much fear, and Xiao Shiqin can’t bear it. Just as much as he cannot say no to Sun Xiang anymore, he cannot bear to see him so afraid.

So Xiao Shiqin repeats:

“You just know. You look at them. Really look at them. And you know.”

Sun Xiang stares out the window some more, jaw clenched and throat bobbing as he swallows, his breath shaking as he exhales.

“You just look?”

Xiao Shiqin nods.

“You just look.”

9. In pieces yet at peace (YYM: DOE)

Killing Stone breathes in, a sharp gasping breath, surprised at the fire in Honey Bug’s words, the worry and pain and, yes, anger, anger not at him, but at the situation, at the darkness playing tricks on his mind. He can only nod.

“Then live,” she whispers, her voice shaky with tears, “Let me help you, and live.”

“Yes,” he says, “alright.”

10. Counting the promised as yet unbroken (MDZS/CQL, Nielan)

“Mingjue!” he howls, all thought of anything but his friend’s approaching death fleeing his mind.

He has never moved so fast in his entire life. Two steps he rushes up the hill, Baxia raised above his head, to kill, to save. He has never moved so fast in his life and yet he knows it is not enough. He wasn’t quick enough to get them to safety and now he won’t be quick enough to save his friend from being stabbed to death. He won’t be quick enough to keep his promise.

Time seems to slow as the soldier’s sword descends, getting ever closer to Mingjue’s chest, closer to the heart only barely still beating within it, closer to ending the life of one of the three people Xichen cares about the most in the entire world.

Tagging: @pangzi @stupid-lemon-eater @psychic-waffles @scaredysap @programmedradly @the-marron @lunarriviera @lucientelrunya @hils79 @sharkbeneaththelotus @elenothar if you want to do this :)

[s-w-o-r-d-alliance]

Stay With Me - Jiang Zisuan/Liu Sang Fic Teaser

Summary:

It was the eyes that got him first, dark and unwelcoming yet drawing Liu Sang in like a gravitational pull, it was terrifying at first, but when Jiang Zisuan merely walked away with that dead set confidence and determination of a man on a mission it was like nothing mattered but him. Liu Sang had watched and hesitated as the man went deeper into the abyss. He expected him to be dead, so he was surprised and guiltily happy when Wu Xie said he saw him escape.

Jiang Zisuan was a mystery in and of itself.

And Liu Sang loved mysteries

Or, the story of Jiang Zisuan and Liu Sang's love. Aka, my dying need to have JiangLiu smut and fluff. I already wrote out all chapters, let me know if you like this and I'll release the others.

AO3 Link to full fic: https://archiveofourown.org/works/40265070/chapters/100854798

AO3 Tags: Jiang Zisuan/Liu Sang Liu Sang (DMBJ Series), Jiang Zisuan, Kan Jian (DMBJ Series), Bai Haotian, Zhang Qiling, Zhang Rishan, Wu Xie (DMBJ Series), Huo Daofu (DMBJ Series), Xie Yuchen, Hei Xia Zi (DMBJ Series), Luo Que (Tomb of the Sea), Luo Que, Hei Xia Zi, Xie Yuchen are only mentioned

Additional tags: Smut, Fluff, Angst, Wu Xie being his usual nosey self, Liu Sang just wants to live in peace, Jiang Zisuan hated interacting with people, Anal Sex, Anal Fingering, Liu Sang getting dicked down

One thing Liu Sang learned when he first met Jiang Zisuan was that the man was a shield of armor, impenetrable to weakness. And he liked to leave for long periods of time, whether it was just to get away or for some mission he’d been hired for. And yes, that does sound like Jiang Zisuan neglected Liu Sang, but that was far from the truth. When Jiang Zisuan and Liu Sang first met, they were both injured, hurting and so badly wanting to achieve their goals. Despite the fact that their goals would impede one another - Liu Sang wanted to save Wu Xie, while Jiang Zisuan made it his mission to avenge his sister. Of course, at the time Liu Sang knew none of that and only saw the big, scary, and gorgeous man as someone who kinda saved him and Xiao Bai. Even after getting taken hostage by him. When he got with Jiang Zisuan, the man had made it clear that he had issues with staying in one place too long, he liked moving and staying on his feet. But they had compromised.

It began after Thunder City.

It didn’t make sense when Wu Xie later explained that Zisuan was trying to kill him because he believed that Wu Xie had killed his sister, Ah Ning. Liu Sang had sat back in the hospital bed and felt shame curl up into a ball in his stomach, clenching punishingly, for the small affection and attraction he felt for the sniper and listening to PangZi's rant of strangling the head off his body. Then Wu Xie had said that Jiang Zisuan may have some misunderstanding of the situation and it wasn’t that big of a deal, but then Liu Sang watched as his Ouxiang spoke three words. Each one darker than the other and laden with a bloody promise. Liu Sang’s ears weren’t much better yet, but it was clear what Ouxiang thought of the man.

“I’ll kill him.”

And the guilt strung itself tighter inside his heart, pulsing and persistent until he made everyone leave. Told them he needed to rest and that his head was hurting. And if he dreamed of dark eyes and a startling figure clad in black, well that was his business and no one else's.

. . .

After that whole fiasco, Liu Sang had not only thought of the man, but also confided in Kan-Jian and Xiao Bai. They had both been supportive, pouring him another drink and listening intently. They had come by to surprise him since they said he didn’t seem to be as active or happy in their little group chat.

But he hardly was, anyway. The group chat was named ‘The Underrated Squad’ which was the least creative name out there, but he had no say when Xiao Bai pulled out the puppy dog eyes and got Kan-Jian to agree with her. An unfair alliance, if you asked him.

“I don’t know what to do.” Liu Sang groaned, laying his head on his folded arms on his kitchen counter and trying to ease the inevitable headache he felt approaching.

“Easy, find Jiang Zisuan and tell him how you feel.” Kan-Jian said, sipping his martini from a dainty, little straw.

Liu Sang glared, eyes rolling and mood dampening further. “I don’t have any feelings for him, dumbass-ow! Sorry.” Liu Sang murmured as Xiao Bai struck him in the back of the head, disapproval written all over her face despite Kan-Jian’s indifference even when being insulted. More guilt seeped into Liu Sang’s cheeks and he apologized once again. Kan-Jian just smiled brightly and continued drinking his martini. “I don’t have feelings for him, Xiao Bai.” Liu Sang defended, earning him an eye roll from the little woman.

Xiao Bai leaned in close, eyes narrowed and mouth downturned. “Sure, Huli. Then why are we here? Let’s leave, Kan-Jian, we’re clearly not getting the juicy gossip we wanted.” Xiao Bai grabbed Kan-Jian’s arm and Liu Sang hurried to pull her back.

“Wait! Wait, come back, I’m really lost here.” He felt his breath stutter when shock and concern coated the atmosphere, Xiao Bai tensed and her brows furrowed as she reached and gripped his hand on her arm and held it in both of her smaller ones. Her eyes were big, honest and open as she smiled reassuringly, a little tilt of Kan-Jian’s head as he curiously perused Liu Sang’s face.

“What’s wrong, Huli?” Kan-Jian inquired, a warm hand landing on Liu Sang’s shoulder. The nickname was an inside joke in their little group, these two loved to compare Liu Sang to a nine-tailed fox, known for its beauty, seduction, and cunning nature. Liu Sang didn’t believe he had any of those qualities, but they still insisted on calling him Huli, so far no one outside their circle had caught on, and he hoped that would continue on in the future. He sighed and undid his ponytail, it was too tight and wasn’t helping with the headache brewing a storm of overthinking and pain.

“I don’t- It’s complicated. I only met the guy once, and yeah, sure he’s handsome, tall, muscly, dark, mysterious… and hot -” Liu Sang trailed off staring into the distance, only breaking from his own trance when Kan-Jian snapped his fingers in front of his face. “-Uh, anyway, stop looking at me like that, Warehouse Princess. I just have this urge to call him, text him, hear his voice… but I don’t even have a phone number, let alone any idea who he is and if he’ll punch me in the face for thinking of him this way. We both know how being gay can affect the way people here look at you. And keep in mind I only met him once!” Frustration poured into his tone, desperation making him say and act in a way he’d never let anyone but his two closest friends witness.

Xiao Bai and Kan-Jian shared a look, then nodded to one another after a few seconds of silent discussion. “Liu Sang, maybe you should just try to find out how to contact him before doing all this worrying?”

Liu Sang nodded. He figured that made sense, if he contacted him it wouldn’t hurt? Right?

“But what do I tell Wu Xie and Ouxiang?” Liu Sang mumbled, insecurity seeping into his tone and making Xiao Bai pull his head into her arms and coo at him. Embarrassing. Fuck, why did he even ask?

“You could tell them the truth.” Kan-Jian said, once again, the pure sunshine of Wushanju’s daily life. And once again the most oblivious.

“No, I can’t. This would just cause an argument, and I-I don’t want to disappoint them. Especially considering nothing has even happened to tell them. I don’t get the point in telling them I have-I mean, I’m somewhat interested in the man that tried to kill Wu Xie.” Liu Sang pulled from Xiao Bai’s embrace and took a sip of his drink, feeling awkward and out of his depth as his friends’ probing, knowing eyes took in the vulnerability and bleeding wound he’d just revealed for them to pick apart and judge. But instead of the usual disapproval he’d get after announcing one of his insecurities from some people he tried to open up to, they just smiled and suddenly he was wrapped in a strong embrace, the scents of flowers - Kan-Jian - and pine - Xiao Bai - were a comfort in themselves. A strong reminder that they had ingrained in his head that he would always have them.

Xiao Bai was the first to speak, tender and full of fondness. “Oh, Huli, you’re too worried about nothing. Look, how about we help you contact Jiang Zisuan? Don’t think about anything else, only think of what you’re gonna say and do. As for telling the Iron Triangle, let’s deal with that later on. Okay?”

Kan-Jian nodded in agreement, a thoughtful expression passing over his face as Liu Sang tried to calm his growing anxiety. It wasn’t that he was scared - scratch that, he was terrified - but Jiang Zisuan was the first man Liu Sang had looked at as more than just someone he knew, and he didn’t even want to think about what could happen to him if Jiang Zisuan decided he didn’t want to have another man thinking of him that way. The man was an assassin, after all.

Kan-Jian sipped the rest of his martini, smiling as he watched Liu Sang digest the information. Kan-Jian knew that his friend was a stubborn person, very strict on himself, and dangerously protective of those he loved. Even willing to sacrifice himself for the wellbeing of them, whether it was from the strongest - like Xiaoge - or the most gullible - Wu Xie, if Liu Sang cared for you, he would do anything for you.

“Huli. Don’t overthink like you always do, why is it so hard for you to be reckless and wild? Look at me, not a care in the world." Kan-Jian boasted, gesturing to his relaxed posture leaning back in the ugly chair that Xiao Bai convinced him to buy when he redecorated his apartment. He'd never say that aloud, though. Liu Sang quite liked living.

Liu Sang rolled his eyes and slid from the stool to get another beer, anxiety slipping away as the night drew on. Xiao Bai was cracking jokes, being her usual bubbly self and Kan-Jian would make funny faces and absurd sounds as he pretended to be an opera singer. And like that the former stressful situation dripped away, left to pool in the corner for Liu Sang to drown in later. Right now, though, this was where he wanted to be.

. . .

"Holy shit." Liu Sang murmured, blood draining from his face as he dumbly stared at the stupid ass message he'd just sent to the man of his dreams. Jiang Zisuan.

He had gotten his hands on Jiang Zisuan's contact details - an email and phone number - from Kan-Jian (how he did it? Liu Sang had no idea and didn't want to know) and the man was insistent that Liu Sang not chicken out and all his suffering be in vain. Again… how the fuck and what the fuck did he do to get this? It's not like Wu Xie had the numbers and emails of all his enemies laying around on his desk.

Okay. Maybe.

That would be a lot of information, but with how often Wu Xie was kidnapped it wouldn't be a surprise to anyone, really. Ouxiang had to have collected the information over the years.

Liu Sang pushed those worthless thoughts away and returned to drowning in his own self-pity and self-loathing. Embarrassment clawed its way through Liu Sang's body and threatened to rip his very soul from his body, but that would be too merciful. Instead he could only sit there and wish for the Earth to open up and swallow everything - specifically him - into its deep, dark abyss.

He had sent the most bullshit text. One that he would never admit to sending.

'Hello, Mr. Jiang. This is Hulu, and I would like to hire your services for one day. At this location and date:'

And then Liu Sang had sent the details of a hotel near his apartment, which was stupid in itself, and a date a few days away. That wasn't even the worst part. No, that text had been sent hours ago and left on read with no reply. So not only had he made an ass out of himself, but he did so without any results.

And who would agree to meet a stranger they've never even heard of at a location of that stranger's choice?

No matter how badass a man was-

Liu Sang dropped out of his daze at the sound of his phone pinging, he almost broke a vase trying to reach for it and ended up with a bruise on his elbow along with a headache from his own racket. Breathless as excitement pushed its way into his heart, he opened the messages and bit his lip in anticipation as he saw something from Jiang Zisuan.

'Ok. You know my price. Have the money ready or I'll kill you.'

Liu Sang almost squealed but held back out of dignity and the safety of his own ears. It was a weird reaction to being threatened with death, but then again the whole situation itself was odd enough. He didn't like the thought of being maimed, no, he just liked the man behind the message. And yes, he had come to terms with his feelings and decided labeling it a crush was the most accurate for how he felt. Did he love the man? Hell no. Did he find him alluring and incredibly sexy? Fuck yes.

It was the eyes that got him first, dark and unwelcoming yet drawing Liu Sang in like a gravitational pull, it was terrifying at first, but when Jiang Zisuan merely walked away with that dead set confidence and determination of a man on a mission it was like nothing mattered but him. Liu Sang had watched and hesitated as the man went deeper into the abyss. He expected him to be dead, so he was surprised and guiltily happy when Wu Xie said he saw him escape.

Jiang Zisuan was a mystery in and of itself.

And Liu Sang loved mysteries. It was one of the reasons he got into tomb exploration.

After calling Xiao Bai and Kan-Jian to tell them the good news, they made him well aware of some big problems. Holes in his plan he should have taken into consideration when he was concocting this whole thing.

One, where the fuck would he get the money to pay a third of what Jiang Zisuan demanded? Second, would Jiang Zisuan seriously kill him for not having the money? And lastly, what the hell was he gonna say when he met him?

"Xiao Bai… what the fuck did I just get myself into?" Liu Sang wondered aloud, heart jack-rabbiting in his throat.

The woman was on video call and rolled her eyes as Liu Sang asked that question. "I don't think you have time to regret right now, you should be brainstorming about what you'll say to your sexy assassin."

Kan-Jian perked up at that, smiling big and puppy eyes sparkling. Why couldn't Liu Sang fall for him instead? It would be more simple and less nerve-wracking. "Yeah! We all know Jiang Zisuan is- Uh oh… hi, Laoban." Kan-Jian disappeared off to the side and Liu Sang's heart dropped from his chest through his ass and promptly buried itself in the ground. A self-burial for Liu Sang's now dead soul.

Xiao Bai was pale, lips pressed into a thin line. Liu Sang was ready to hang up the phone when Kan-Jian appeared again, this time with Wu Xie smiling widely and waving.

"Wow, hello. All my kids love each other so much, face timing and sharing diabolical plans for getting their crush alone." Wu Xie teased, and Liu Sang hung up the phone call.

His entire existence was doomed. Cursed from the moment he was born.

. . .

It was the day before the meeting and Liu Sang had called his friends over for emotional support. Xiao Bai was kicked back on his couch with a can of whipped cream, a steady stream of it in her mouth, while Kan-Jian was on his fifth beer and dozing off beside her. Liu Sang was in the loveseat trying to keep his mind off the impending doom tomorrow and watch the stupid drama on TV.

Then he heard someone walking up to his apartment, loud and boisterous in thick boots, heavy as they made the floorboards creak. Along with it was an erratic heartbeat like someone who never relaxed and was always in the mood to have fun, behind that was a steady heartbeat and then there was a heartbeat he would recognize from miles away.

What the fuck were the Iron Triangle doing here?

"Jinx! Let us in!" PangZi's voice already caused a tremor of irritation and pain in Liu Sang's head. He believed the man did it on purpose by this point. Xiao Bai was startled for a second, but a light lit up in her eyes as she stood and practically sprinted to the door, Liu Sang sighed in resignation and sunk deeper into the loveseat, closing his eyes to portray blissful ignorance. Of course that was impossible when a fat man decided he was gonna shatter the windows with his loud banter and antics.

"Is Liu Sang asleep, Xiao Bai?" Wu Xie asked, even though he knew damn well that he can't sleep with all that ruckus.

"No. He's just trying to get enough emotional strength to build up his walls so he can shut us all out and pretend to be fine."

Wow, fuck off.

"Liu Sang knows he can't hide forever, so let's be big boys, huh?" He knew that Wu Xie directed that at him, but he still refused to admit defeat.

"Liu Sang." It was Ouxiang this time that called his name.

Liu Sang popped his eyes open and sat up, crossing his arms petulantly and ignoring the stupid snort from PangZi.

Wu Xie plopped right beside him, looking normal and healthy in his cardigan and dress pants, glasses perched on his nose as he stared down at Liu Sang.

Why the hell did everyone dig into his personal affairs?

"I knew I should have just kept it to myself." Liu Sang mumbled, pushing his glasses up his nose.

PangZi was kicked back on the couch, dirty socks on Liu Sang's expensive glass table.

"Get your feet off my damn table."

"Make me." PangZj grinned, flexing his toes under his socks. Liu Sang scrunched his nose up and was about to stand and do just that, but Wu Xie tsked at PangZi and pulled him back. PangZi rolled his eyes but took his nasty appendages off the table.

"We got something to talk about." Wu Xie said, tone stern and leaving no room for arguing. It seemed this was his fate. The universe truly hated him. "You have a crush on-"

"Pah! He's in love with our enemy." PangZi interrupted, and shame colored Liu Sang's cheeks and he looked down at his clasped hands. Embarrassment and guilt settled deep in his belly, tightening and coiling like a snake.

"Shut up, PangZi. Look, you upset him. It's okay, Liu Sang. We can't control who we fall for, just like we can't choose to be born or not. It's impossible to ignore your heart." Wu Xie was supportive, a hand on Liu Sang's in reassurance as he smiled softly. And Liu Sang felt fondness wash over him, suddenly grateful for the older man. But the guilt had already clawed its way inside his heart and he stood abruptly, strutting to his kitchen and pulling out a drink as he sat on the stool.

"You all should leave." Liu Sang said. "My ears still hurt a bit and I need to lie down so-"

"Huli! We just want to help." Kan-Jian cut him off, whining. He was sitting on the couch beside PangZi, Xiao Bai sitting on the floor beside the table.

Liu Sang shook his head. "Mmm, you should go. I think I need to sleep, thanks, though."

Wu Xie stood. "C'mon, you know we just want to help you and protect you from danger. Don't shut your family-"

Liu Sang scoffed. "Family? Please. All of you get out, now." He listened as Xiao Bai sniffled - breaking his heart a bit - and shuffled toward the door. PangZi hesitated near the couch but Ouxiang pulled him and Wu Xie out.

The door clicked shut and he listened until he couldn't hear their cars and heart beats anymore. Then he went to bed and soaked in his own self-pity.

. . .

Liu Sang woke with a start, sweat beading down his forehead into his eyes. He hadn't been able to sleep at all last night, mind racing and heart uneasy as the minutes ticked down. He had just fallen to sleep at 9am when his alarm rang and told him to get his ass up. He reached over and turned the damned thing off - he only used it on the lowest volume when needed - before he threw his phone across the room.

His head started throbbing even after he put his noise-cancelling earbuds in, tense and right in the temporal lobe as if he didn't have enough shit to deal with this morning.

Today was the day he met Jiang Zisuan, for the third time to be exact, and hopefully avoided getting a bullet between the eyes.

The money. Yes. He was aware he did not have the money, but he hoped that a good conversation would diffuse that situation.

The only problem was that he sucked at communicating.

He stood in his bathroom staring at the mirror, shirt off and hair down. His hands traced down the various scars on his body, burnt skin ragged and rough to the touch. He was skinny, but he worked hard to gain some definition in his pecs and abs, the results weren't that visible and he felt the insatiable urge to cover his whole torso in bandages to shield it from his disgusted perusal.

Liu Sang was used to hating himself, the self-loathing and deprecation had been engraved in him from his master. She had told him time and time again the only good thing about him was his ability to see without sight, to know what hid in the shadows and lurked behind every door. The demons, the angels and all the in-betweens. She wasn't cruel, she just made it clear what her goal was and the use for him was only pertinent to achieve that goal.

Which wasn't surprising. Most people only ever contacted Liu Sang for his hearing, it was even rarer for people to want to talk to him just because.

He often heard that he made people uncomfortable with his stand-offish behavior and the fact that he could hear every lie and accusation they told him. No one liked being seen through like glass.

His phone buzzed on the bedside table and he jogged out to check it. Shit, he had less than thirty minutes to be dressed and out the door.

He quickly grabbed a black long sleeved shirt and some nice jeans before throwing himself in the shower, washing in record time, and getting dressed faster than record time. He brushed his hair and quickly put it up before grabbing black boots and socks - he almost broke his neck as he fell off the couch.

Liu Sang gave himself a look over and grabbed the essentials before racing downstairs hoping his didi he called for earlier was there. It was pulling up and he didn't wait for it to park fully before he hopped in the back seat and told him the address.

As he caught his breath and tried to calm his pacing heart, he turned the white noise up on his earbuds to drown out the sounds from both the engine and the bustling society around him.

Thoughts ran through his head, body vibrating with nerves. What if this was his last day? What if Jiang Zisuan didn't like him that way? What would he even say? Hi, I like you but only met you once, can you be my something and put up with my bouts of depression and self-hate?

He sighed and decided he'll just come up with it as he goes.

The Didi came to a stop outside the hotel and Liu Sang left a good tip, checking his phone for the time, relieved to see he still had five minutes before Jiang Zisuan arrived.

He entered the lobby and went to the receptionist, she raised her bespectacled eyes at him but gave him his key and sent him on his way before he could ask what the problem was. Maybe it was a bit weird for him to be at a hotel by himself, but was it that strange to be judged? He shooed the stupid thoughts away and found his room, he stood outside the door and just breathed for a few minutes then he braved himself and squared.his shoulders and opened the door, stepping in and realizing too late that he was not alone.

Jiang Zisuan himself threw Liu Sang into the wall, a knife held at the ready pressing a line to Liu Sang's throat. Liu Sang looked into the eyes that had been haunting him for weeks, deep and unreadable as they searched Liu Sang's face for something. What exactly? Jiang Zisuan must have found it because he pulled away a second later, still tensed and ready to fight if needed. Liu Sang held up his hands in surrender, standing straighter but still leaning against the wall.

The other man was like a panther, dark and slinking and watching Liu Sang before his lip curled into a smirk.

[cross-d-a]

if you're doing those characters then please give me more amazing takes on princess mute 🥺💕

OMG IM SO LATE ANSWERING THIS BUT HERE I FINALLY AM

Also omgg thank you SOSOSO much for asking me about Princess Mute?? THE LOVE OF MY LIFE??? You know me so well, vish!! I love and adore you so much!! Thank you for giving me the chance to blabber on about the woman I love!! ⁽⁽٩(๑˃̶͈̀ ᗨ ˂̶͈́)۶⁾⁾

ALSO! I’m gonna do my best to like- not spoil all my plans for whispers, haha

The rest is under the cut bc I just have a lot of FEELINGS~ about our resident zombie girl 

❤⃛ヾ(๑❛ ▿ ◠๑ )

How I feel about this character

OH BOY OK I JUST??? LOVE HER??? A LOT???? I wasn’t expecting to get quite so immediately and intensely attached to her?? But from the second I heard about her in the legend I was just gone. Completely done for. I’m generally a sucker for mythology, and there’s just SO MUCH that’s fascinating about the tale behind the Princess Mute and the South Sea King? 

Even though Princess Mute is so central to the myth, the South Sea King is deemed as the most important? I mean- duh it is his tomb, but Princess Mute is the catalyst? None of this would have happened without her? She’s main character material and yet she isn’t the main character of her own story?? She has practically no agency? It’s so? Fucking? Fascinating?? And there is so fucking much left unanswered? The myth says she turns into a goddamn monster?? Is this- figuratively? Or literally? Is she a monster for breaking gender norms and committing the ultimate taboo by killing the Emperor??? Like- holy FUCK? Like- LOOK at this pic from Ershu’s Expensive Powerpoint:

and a close-up for good measure:

(note the HORNS/HELMET?? the LIGHTNING STRIKE!!! 👀👀👀 how she’s dressed as a SOLDIER?? that SPEAR??? also she’s depicted as much bigger than the emperor!! which, of course, means she’s more important!!!!)

and, HELLO!! She’s called the PRINCESS MUTE. She is only known/named in association to someone else. Her name has been erased from history. It isn’t important to anyone. Which is so fucking ironic. She’s Princess Mute. Her voice has been stripped from her, just like her agency. This tale is the Mute Emperor’s and not her own. Her suffering means nothing to anyone. Her life means nothing other than for the Emperor to desire and the South Sea King to mourn over (and WOW!! ISN’T THIS JUST!! SO perfectly encapsulating Nanpai Sanshu’s female characters and their relevance to the story/male characters)

(so what is her goddamn name???? I mean, I know what I’ve named her, but sorry dudes. Again. I don’t wanna spoil too much :) )

also, WHY is the South Sea King covering her eyes when she’s sent off to sea in the origami boat?

What actually happens to her after this? The body we see of the South Sea King has long white hair so I assume he died pretty old? So why does she look so goddamn young? 

And- the million dollar question here (WHICH I HAVE A LOT OF HEADCANONS FOR BUT I DON’T WANNA SPOIL WHISPERS): What happened to her after she killed the Emperor????

ALSO!! WHY IS SHE HOLDING A DINGLAN RULER WHEN SANSHU FINDS HER IN THAT FIRST EXPEDITION?? (internet says it’s a “special ruler used for making shrines, carving wood statues and making tablets of gods. Later used in measurement of architectural scale; measuring instrument for the netherworld, wishes best for tomb owner) did she design her own father’s tomb?? is there more to her becoming a leather figurine than filial loyalty/sacrifice?? 

Why does she have a tattoo?? I go a bit into this in my fic, but from my understanding it was unusual for people (women especially!) to have tattoos during this time! (this is just from my research! if I am wrong please correct me!) 

For anyone who hasn’t read whispers, there were a a few tribes (minorities!) during this time who tattooed themselves (and to this day, they continue this tradition :) ). The Li were often attacked by invaders who assaulted the women and sold them as slaves. The women ended up tattooing their faces and bodies to make them less appealing, and it ended up becoming a tradition. When a girl came of age she’d get tattooed. Then we’ve got the Dai, who (from what I understand!) got tattoos of animals with characteristics they wished to embody, such as to show their virility and strength! So they’d tattoo tigers and dragons, etc.

So why does Princess Mute have one? Who gave it to her? WHAT ACTUALLY IS IT!!!!!! (eternal frustration that we never see a clear shot of the whole thing!!) It kinda looks like a heavily stylized fish? With some waves. But I am unsure! But it would make sense, considering the ongoing theme of snakes and fish throughout dmbj.

Also, her scars seem very strange. Like- if someone skinned her (YIKES!) then- her scars don’t really seem like they’re a result of skinning (double yikes!!). You’d think that for a woman who was the daughter of the King, they’d take more care to preserve her face?? So why does it seem like someone has done their utter best to ruin it? Did the Emperor do it himself? Did her father? Or did someone else do it?? Did she do it herself????

Also, I just wanna cut the bullshit with the creepy hand clam thing. A hand clam isn’t gonna wrap their fingers around Wu Xie’s hand to stop him from blowing himself up. Like. I get that it’s the censorship. I get it. But- you can’t tell me it wasn’t actually the Princess Mute who saved him. I just?? This moment is so powerful? It literally knocked the breath from my chest.

Princess Mute’s story is just so fascinating and tragic and I am just a mess over how she isn’t in control of her own story? She never is. Except for when she kills the Emperor. (AND when she saves Wu Xie) And I think that’s fucking telling. 

Of course, it felt like they had more of a storyline planned for her which never happened, but I’ll get more into that later.

Basically, I just have SO MANY QUESTIONS!!!

It’s like- I dunno. Seeing a gorgeous woman flip an obnoxious man over her shoulder and slam him to the ground without breaking a sweat and watching her walk away with stars in your eyes. You barely know anything about her but you’re already half in love and you just want to know more.

I’m super Gay for her, if you couldn’t already tell.

Honestly, she just perfectly represents all the female characters and their treatment in dmbj with all the extra PIZAZZ of the mysterious supernatural/mythological elements. She just makes me go feral and I adore her with my entire heart.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

NUMBER ONE I SHIP HER WITH MY CUTE AND PERFECT GF XIAO BAI!!!!!!!!

They are my two favourite (okay and my wife Su Nan!) female characters in dmbj. I think their stories parallel each other pretty beautifully? They’re both women in a powerful position, though with limited agency. They both defy gender norms and accomplish things (I’m counting killing the Emperor as Accomplishing Something) in a very male-dominated world. And- okay. I know the Princess Mute is technically dead. But she also?? is someone still doing stuff?? and pushing along the storyline?? as a zombie?? So I’m just gonna say that both of them aren’t truly killed off for the Man Pain like all the other female dmbj characters (except for Xiu Xiu, and I guess Chuchu but ChuChu’s situation is kinda....Iffy. At best.)

Also both of them are linked pretty heavily with Wu Xie? They both have an interesting relationship with him. And Princess Mute leads Wu Xie to Xiao Bai!!!

And okay this is spoiling a bit of whispers, BUT!!! Warehouse 11 was built atop the South Sea King’s temple. Isn’t that fucking important??? I stand by my headcanon that Xiao Bai is a Warehouse kid (descended from the Founders) and so she grew up there. And like- ignoring censorship bc I can AND because Reboot leaves a lot of supernatural stuff up in the air anyway- wouldn’t growing up atop an insanely powerful temple do something to you? Wouldn’t it affect you in some way?? There’s just!!! SO much potential between Princess Mute and Xiao Bai!! Plus!! I think it’d be great for Xiao Bai to form a relationship with another woman. She needs some female solidarity in her life.

And- well. I just ship Princess Mute with all the dmbj women, really. Princess Mute has two hands, why can she use them both?? I’ve got a couple Princess Mute modern au’s going and in one of them she just- sweeps A’Ning and Su Nan off their feet :)

I really can’t ship Princess Mute with any male characters, I think. There’s just- so much underlying trauma surrounding her agency and how she’s been used by the men in her life. Also, I like wlw & mlm solidarity. Let Princess Mute and Wu Xie wallow over their Stupid Crushes. Or Princess Mute & Xiao Ge. I’m not picky.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Purely bc of my own au, I am very much invested in Princess Mute & Li Cu (& spirit snake). As I mentioned before, there’s a running theme of loss of agency in their own lives and suffering the consequences of others’ actions. Plus, there’s a lot of supernatural happenings surrounding the both of them. Why wouldn’t they find a connection?

And, obviously, I adore Princess Mute & Wu Xie. Princess Mute saved Wu Xie and then Wu Xie was promptly obsessed (can’t say I blame him). They had such an interesting relationship in Reboot that was just- so fucking tragically dropped. 

My unpopular opinion about this character

SHE SHOULD BE MORE POPULAR!!!!!!!!!! She is so goddamn fascinating and gorgeous and I just!! Want!! Everyone to adore her as much as I do!!!!!!!! At least I feel a bit accomplished for swinging some readers over to her side in whispers!! That’s something!!! 

I’ve got like- a million au ideas with her. I’m going to be the creator of the content I wish to read!!!!!

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

I WISH SHE COULD HAVE GOTTEN A SATISFACTORILY COMPLETED STORYLINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She just gets completely dropped after she leads Wu Xie to Warehouse 11. So once more, she is a plot device and not. And actual. Person. Her importance is tied irrevocably to the male leads. Her agency is not her own. Wu Xie cares so much about her, and okay, he’s trying to figure out a mystery and we all know how he gets when he’s trying to puzzle out a mystery-- but you can’t tell me he just- stops caring after he encounters Warehouse 11??? What happens to her after that?? Does she rot away in a box in Wushanju?? Does Ershu take her back?? I’m just?? WHAT????

I want to know her side of the story and not what everyone else has said. I want her to actually properly communicate with Wu Xie. I want her saving the day again and I want her being fucking badass and I want her and Xiao Ge being soft together and I want her and Xiao Bai to bond fall in love and I want everyone to just- fall in love with her? And care about her? And I want to to find herself caring about these fucking idiots too???? Can you imagine her and Liu Sang bonding over shitty fathers and lack of agency and Trauma?? Can you imagine Princess Mute getting her life back and the freckles returning to her slowly darkening skin and her being silly with Hei-ye bc he keeps shoving increasingly ridiculous sunglasses at her. And can you imagine her trying on jeans for the first time and picking out a cute bomber jacket and shoving a baseball cap on her head and dipping her feet back in the sea and befriending shibie bc she’s just?? that?? cool?? while Iron Triangle is off on the side fretting like she isn’t befriending some very dangerous creatures but it’s okay bc she’s a dangerous creature too and she understands fear and desire and hunger. 

I want her returning to Thunder City. I want her getting closure. I want her story to get closure. Period.

And I know it didn’t happen bc censorship and Nanpai Sanshu and just- a host of Other Things. But I want it, and she deserves it.

--

AAAHH VISH!!!! Thank you so much for letting me yell about Princess Mute!! Sorry I couldn’t go more in depth with headcanons but!! Like I said, I don’t want to completely spoil you for whispers, so I’ll keep those close to my chest for now 

٩(*ゝڡゝ๑)۶♥

[jockvillagersonly]

fic tag game c:

Thank you for the tag @vishcount!! It is honestly...extremely weird for people to associate me with fic? Or writing? Or existing in general? I am being...perceived??

Name: jockvillagersonly (Sierra) -- the exclusive reason for this is that I think jock villagers are hilarious. They spend their entire lives doing wind sprints and loudly yelling compliments at your biceps from, like, 50 feet away. That is the platonic ideal of joy.

I mean, come on (image source)

Fandoms: I am pretty much exclusively a DMBJ (shitpost) blog at the moment! Same goes for fic; I’ve only ever written for DMBJ (with the slight exception of one very short and highly embarrassing Star Trek fic, proofread by my mom. Come through, Brenda!).

Tropes:

The repressed quiet gay is soft for the sunshine ADHD bi :) nice

All the ladies are alive and also making out with each other (not sure if that’s an actual trope but god it should be)

If you can find a fic of mine that doesn’t include "gentle" and/or neck touching, I’ll pay you $100

Favorite Fic(s) You’ve Written: Uh, I haven’t written very much!! Etched in the Senses was my first smut, so it has a very special place in my heart. I also really liked writing My Heart, In Its Basket of Bone because it was fun to just let myself play around after Anna (@humanlighthouse) did all the hard work! Thanks babe ;)

Fic I Spent the Least Time On: Hmm I think The Unmappable Geography of Breath (coincidentally the only DMBJ fic I don’t like enough to reread!). Maybe Bodies in Motion, Bodies at Rest since it was so short!

Shortest Fic: Bodies in Motion, Bodies at Rest! Fun as hell to write, though. Who doesn’t love crying about Sha Hai Wu Xie’s abs emotional trauma

Most Hits/Kudos:

Set Your Old Heart Free which...that fic is 8 years old, so I think it’s more a testament to the fact that it’s been around forever :’) 16 year old me is screaming?

For DMBJ it’s Autumn Showers, May Flowers, which recently topped 1,000 views??? I actually didn’t know that until I did this, which -- that is fucking insane? Thank?????

Most Comments: Autumn Showers, May Flowers, which makes sense, since the whole reason that fic has multiple chapters at all is people goading me in the comments (THANK YOU)

Fic You Want to Rewrite / Expand On: Oh mmm...probably The Unmappable Geography of Breath. It was my first attempt at writing ZQL, and I think I might approach him with more grace if I were to redo it.

Share a Bit of a WIP: Alright this is always my favorite part in other people’s so... :D Hope I can meet the hype. I have two major WIPs right now. Here is a snippet from chapter 2 of the DMBJ Star Trek AU, (Out Here Is) Wondrous, but not for the Timid:

Even gleaning the Romulan’s name had been a difficult endeavor, with Li Cu gaining very little from his furtive attempts at questioning other than the sneaking suspicion that Xiao Bai is now convinced he is nursing a hopeless crush on Liu Sang. Li Cu is the first to admit that under any other circumstances, Xiao Bai might not be wrong! However, he is currently in the middle of being kidnapped. Logic dictates that cute boys will simply have to wait.

At the reminder of Xiao Bai’s all-too-knowing look when they had passed by Liu Sang in the hallway earlier, Li Cu a tad too stiffly to be casual, our intrepid hero groans, letting his head thunk heavily down against the table in front of him.

Within minutes, however, a quick double tap on the table is rousing Li Cu from what he is refusing to admit is self pity. Not quite ready to stop drowning in his sorrows, Li Cu allows his head to loll sideways, looking up into the deep black eyes of his new table mate. As if summoned by his train of thought -- and, honestly, Li Cu wouldn’t put it past her; he has met enough fully matured Betazoids to have a healthy respect of their psionic abilities -- Bai Haotian is now sitting primly next to him, drink of her own in one hand as her free fingers continue drumming melodically on the tabletop.

Tumblr is being weird (I think the post got too long?), so I will tag folks in the replies!

[naiwong-bao]

Heads Up 7 Up!

post the last seven sentences of your latest project (meta, fic, any other writing)

Thanks for tagging me @vishcount! These are always fun :)

I’m going to put them under the tag because it got long...

1. Er Yuehong/Zhang Qishan - DMBJ - E rated Oneshot

Come morning he’s gone, just like Er Yuehong knew he would be. For some reason, it still hurts.

Technically, this one’s done, but I need to overthink it to death before posting so I guess it’s still a WIP in some ways. I’m just nervous because it’s the first thing I’ve written for this ship.

2. Multiship - DMBJ - Valentines Day Oneshot

It probably helps that everyone was equally nervous and everyone equally invested in getting along for Pangzi’s sake if nothing else.

A Valentine’s Day oneshot with a bunch of different pairings I’m writing in preparation for Valentine’s Day. It’s going to just mostly be fluffy and fun.

3. Er Yuehong/Zhang Qishan - DMBJ - Canon Divergence Oneshot

“One of us should stay awake and you need to rest.”

“And you don’t?” he says, pulling him harder. “I feel like I’ve been sleeping for the past week. I need some time to think anyway.”

“As if you ever stop thinking,” he says, but relents and lies down next to Qishan anyway.

He sleeps.

Oneshot where instead of getting married, Er Yuehong runs away with Zhang Qishan and stuff happens. I don’t know where I’m going with this and it was stressing me out more than usual so I’ve decided to leave it until at least next week. Probably.

4. Bai Haotian centric - Oneshot - through the cracks of dreams AU - technically Pingxie

She wiggles in her chair with excitement. Wu Xie joining Warehouse 11 has been the most adventure that she’s had in a long time.

Haven’t worked on it in a hot second, but it’s just there.... it’s a thing....

5. Su Nan centric - Oneshot - through the cracks of dreams AU - technically Pingxie in the same way that the Xiao Bai one is

Su Nan wonders how Li Cu will remember her, if Li Cu will remember her.

If anyone will remember her.

Rough draft is more complete than the Xiao Bai fic. I haven’t had time/been motivated to write up a second draft yet, all the other stuff kind of ate my brain.

6. Liu Sang/Kan Jian - Oneshot - through the cracks of dreams AU - technically side Pingxie (how outside perspectives see Pingxie)

That night, he thinks of Wu Xie’s ragged breathing and lets the fledgling feelings die in his chest. He’s lost enough.

Since it’s all the people who’ve had unrequited crushes on Wu Xie/the people who care for Wu Xie and how they see his relationship with Xiaoge, I think you can draw your own conclusions. Haven’t finished the rough draft because it’s probably going to be the longest of the series.

7. Chuyao - Oneshot - modern AU

“I know you can’t dance for shit. I saw you inside, you looked like a giraffe trying to save itself from quicksand.”

Wasn’t sure where I was going with it, got a little bit into the rough draft then put it on hold to cry about Er Yuehong and Zhang Qishan instead. I keep wanting to write Chuyao but nothing’s really coming to me lately!!

If you’ve made it to the end of this, and you want to, I’m tagging you. <3

[cross-d-a]

Pass the happy!💖 When you get this, reply with 5 things that make you happy and send this to the last 10 people in your notifications!

(I have decided that Discord notifs count because I love you dearly and wanna hear what makes you happy)

HELLO!!!! I love you and I kinda really needed this and I think you know that so thank you!!!!! I love and appreciate you SO MUCH!!

Also I've literally been thinking about this post for two hours and so I'm not gonna stick to just five- I'm gonna list MORE than that because I wanna remind myself that there are many wonderful things in the world to be happy about and also PICS!! I'm adding PICS bc I CAN!!!!!!!!!

under the cut bc it gets LONG! :)

1) YOU make me happy, Sierra!!!!!!! Also @s1utspeare and @vishcount and of course my bff @haru-tl !!! You guys are so fucking incredible and talented and AMAZING!!!! I love you all SO MUCH!!! You always make my day!!! And all the dmbj peeps!!! I am so lucky to know so many wonderful people!!!!

2) as long as we're on the subject of people- I absolutely can't leave out my coworkers!!! Literally some of the best people I've ever met in my life. I have so much fun with them. I can always count on them making me laugh.

Like today, we were talking about this reptile house a few towns away and my manager was telling us about their cool anaconda exhibit where you can crawl under the glass tank and watch them eat and she mentioned their teeth being scary. So I googled Anaconda Teeth and went WOAH THEY'RE COOL and our Resident Snake Expert came over and went actually that pic is from the movie Anaconda. And then he helped me find Real Pics and the teeth were even COOLER. I left the Google search up on the work computer and a couple hours when I was on lunch I heard Mike exclaim: "I had NO idea that ANACONDAS had TEETH!!!!!!" Which?? MIKE?? WHAT??? Hahaha everyone burst into laughter :)

3) my cat BOOTS makes me happy!! He's always asking for belly scritches and he drools when he's happy. Here's a pic bc I adore him:

4) my new baby boy So Mun from The Uncanny Counter makes me VERY happy!!!!! He's just- the Sweetest Boy to have ever Baby'd!!! I adore his little crinkly-eyed smile and curly hair!!! He's just so GOOD it makes me cry!! Also!! Disabled rep!!!!! LOVE HIM!!!!! Look at his lil' FACE:

and bc he is Unfortunately Very Hot in his mourning outfit:

adding this too bc LOOK AT THAT ADORABLE SMILE I wanna SCREAM

5) my Pangzi necklace makes me happy!!! I have an Iron Triangle matching set, but the Pangzi one I first put on bc of Brigid's Pangzi chapter for Swiftly Tilting and then I kinda just- never took it off haha. It's just so pretty and makes me feel like I've got a bit of Pangzi with me at all times. I love that man SO much and if I can be even a fraction of how wonderful he is, then I can die happy

6) the smell of the sea makes me happy!!! It makes me feel refreshed and relaxed! I live by Puget Sound and on very lucky days I can smell it at my house! Tonight was a lucky night! I came home and it smelled like the seashore, so I kept my window open as I folded laundry :)

7) my new collection of Kpop CDs makes me happy!! It's entirely bc of Vish's influence and I LOVE her for it!!! The packaging is just so pretty and I always love being able to hold things that give me Good Feelings in my hands :)

8) since we're on the subject of COLLECTIONS, I love to collect things!! And one collection of things that makes me happy are my books!! I have- too many. Working in a bookstore makes it too easy to buy them! But seeing the bright spines on my shelves gives me delight. I particularly really like my queer manga collection!! I've got four whole shelves of it! :) I'd offer a pic but I'm too tired to go upstairs, haha but I love the art and the representation 🌈

9) I ALSO really love all the figures I collect! Seeing characters that I love on a daily basis makes me happy. I usually decorate my bookshelves with them. One set that makes me particularly happy are my Pingxie ones. They look like they're getting married and it delights me:

10) another purchase that is entirely bc of Vish (I ADORE you!!) is my Chimmy blanket!! He's just so adorable and bright and coming home every day to see him waiting on my bed makes me very happy

11) yet another bright yellow thing that makes me happy is my dmbj Xiao Ge coaster!! It's so sparkly and fun AND it's a friendship coaster I share with Sierra!! We've got a matching set, babe!! I love you!! Let's just shake them around and be distracted by the sparkles forever!!

12) coming back to work from my weekend to find a bunch of manga to shelve always makes me very happy!!! Buying/pricing/shelving manga is my favourite thing to do at work! I love seeing familiar and new titles!

And it's interesting to see how prices can change if it goes out of print! Sometimes every single book in a series but ONE is the same price. Like last month we had a series where like/ volume 8 was worth $250 vs the regular $7.99 for the rest of them. And someone BOUGHT IT!! Things like that can happen randomly. It can be bc it was a smaller printing for that particular volume. OR something special happens in it (new character appearance/fan favourite story arc/BOOBS), so more ppl want to keep it which means it's harder to come by (and then sellers raise their prices BC it's difficult to come by). You usually see the collectible value go up for out of print BL or older series like Aria or Lupin III. Not everything that's out of print is collectible, but it's always interesting when it is :)

13) DAY6's The Book of Us: Gravity has graciously given me a big serotonin boost the last couple days!! It's just- I dunno! Uplifting! Catchy! Full of energy! :)

14) similarly, I've been listening to Close Your Eyes by Isaac Hong almost exclusively for like- five days now! It's from The Uncanny Counter and it makes me very happy! It's very emotional and just reminds me of my baby boy So Mun :)

15) sunshine makes me happy!! I'm at that point in the year where I don't want rain anymore, just sun! So it's always nice having my windows open at home with the sun shining through. Or the back doors at work propped open while we go about our day. It's almost impossible to feel sad when you get to bask in the warmth of the sun and smell the nice fresh air

16) finding weird random books at work makes me happy! It's so fun seeing the kinds of things people read! And sometimes you find cool ephemera in the things people sell to us that they don't want back. Like- look at this pic from an older fortune-telling birthday book I found. She is 1000% Drowning Him and I love that for her :)

17) reading manga makes me happy. There are just so many wonderful and ridiculous series out there. There really is nothing "too weird to publish" in the manga world. I was reminded of this the other day when I discovered a series about a girl who timetravels and finds out that her soulmate is a Neanderthal. You can literally find a series about ANYTHING in the manga world and I love that about it. There's no limit to the imagination and there's something for everyone :)

18) when I'm in the mood, writing and drawing make me happy. There's just something about creating that really just- fills the soul :)

19) making playlists makes me happy!! I love having playlists for characters and relationships and fics and even specific fic chapters or moods or going to sleep! (And rec playlists! Like Vish's :) ) It's just- so satisfying having the Perfect Playlist on hand! Plus it's fun actually making them- like figuring out the mood/lyrics and what they fit into :) I listen to music almost constantly, so this is essential! :)

So thank you Sierra!! It was nice to remind myself about a lot of different things that bring joy to my life!! I love and adore you SO MUCH 💖💖💖

[cross-d-a]

fic tag game

aaahhh @vishcount thank you for tagging me!!! These are so fun and I adored reading about your fic journey~!  ೖ(⑅σ̑ᴗσ̑)ೖ ❤

OH as a note!! For the ppl I tag at the end I don’t expect you to read all of this bc it’s A Lot!!! but I figured you might want to do this game yourself? haha :)

Name: cross-d-a shortened version of my first ever username. unfortunately stuck with it now haha but i’m fond of it :p wish it was cuter tho!!

Posting the rest of this under the cut so it doesn’t eat up people’s dashes!! 

(｡•̀ᴗ-)✧

Fandoms: 

oKAY YIKES there are....honestly too many too name. I’ve got a short and obsessive attention span so it’s either all or nothing with me usually. When I can stay in a fandom for a long period of time it’s a miracle. I’ll name the bigger ones that I’ve all written fic for! Even if I’ve never posted them haha

Right now I’m very firmly into Daomu Biji (dmbj). It feels like it’s both got a crap ton of content and yet barely anything at all haha. Maybe because the English fandom is so small. But at least there are a bunch of dramas and books!!! I really, really, really adore dmbj so much!! And a large part of that is the fandom!!! It's been a really cool and unique experience! Everyone in it is truly so kind and wonderful, and I’ve made some really incredible friends because of it (looking at you vish!! ❤). I’ve got a bunch of wips, but I’ve only posted two fics for dmbj!

Before this I was very into Guardian and mdzs. MDZS was my first foray into cdramas and Guardian’s Zhu Yilong really suckered me into watching more haha I also have fics for both these fandoms!

My very first fandoms were Fullmetal Alchemist, D. Gray-Man and Naruto. My very old ffnet account has fics for these and I’ve got a bunch of newer wips on my tablet. Then Star Trek, Twilight, BBC Merlin, Sherlock, Death Note, Harry Potter, How to Train Your Dragon, Battlestar Galactica, Avatar the Last Airbender and Marvel were a few of my main ones in high school. Plus a bunch of anime (like Fruits Basket! and Kuroshitsuji and Natsume Yuujinchou). 

Then college hit and I renewed my childhood love of Tolkien (mainly lotr and the Hobbit), and Star Wars. I also found Teen Wolf! Then after college it was Stranger Things. 

I find myself in a cycle of mild fondness and complete obsession with these fandoms haha I go back to Star Wars at least once a year!! Then I’m in the gffa hole for a few months. Marvel also reoccurs, depending on how interested I am in new content! Star Trek I always always always go back to. TOS is my comfort show and it will never fade from my heart ❤

But for now I’m stuck in cdrama hell and I love it

Tropes: 

Time travel, found family, whump+hurt/comfort, fairytale-like elements, resurrective immortality (thanks to a “Nine Lives” Hobbit fic), CROSSOVERS

I’m a slut for all these things so they often worm their way into my plots haha

I also just- love weird premises. I think that’s the anime influencing me haha

Fic I spent most time on: 

My series he leaves sand and stardust in my wake (main fic is hurricane on the edge of oblivion), I have...spent five years on now. I have done so much research for this fic it’s insane. 

The premise is force ghost!Obi-Wan getting shunted back into his tiny 10 year old self. I incorporate a shit ton of legends and I try to stay as canon as possible. I basically want this au to feel like it’s 1000% plausible while still getting all my gay shit. It’s chock full of whump, redemption, found family, minor characters turning into major characters, and I’ve got slavery uprising on the mind, too. It’s just- everything I could ever want to explore in the Star Wars universe basically. 

It’s my first big project. I started doodling and scribbling ideas in the margins of my notebook in my Scottish History class. I adore it so so so much. But, because of my hyperfixation and fleeting intense obsession with things it makes it- really difficult to consistently update. I leave it for months at a time and I am constantly guilt-ridden about it. Because it’s my baby and I have a lot of wonderful readers. I fear I’ll never be able to finish it. Especially since I’ve written so much and I’m still only in the beginning of it. ( ; A ; )

Also, I’ve spent so much time with Xanatos, Feemor and Bruck that they just feel like mine now. I can’t read any fics that involve them, it’s too strange. Which is a damn shame because I love them so much haha OH ALSO!! I think it’s the first really big fic to include those three?? So I’m very proud about that haha (I’ve had so many ppl comment about how they actually Give A Shit about these three and are Invested bc of me haha)

Favorite fic(s) you’ve written: 

hurricane on the edge of oblivion (with nowhere to go) (Star Wars)

My long-term passion project. My love-letter to Star Wars, I suppose. Reading it now I feel like a lot of it is clunky or long-winded, but I think it really shows the foundation of my writing today :) Main characters are Obi-Wan, Xanatos Du Crion, Qui-Gon Jinn, Bruck Chun and Feemor. Eventually we’ll get to Maul, Savage, Feral, Shmi Skywalker, (more!) Ahsoka, Anakin and a shit ton of clones ❤

things we hunger for (Guardian)

My Ye Zun self-indulgent fic. It’s a time travel amnesia Weilanzun! Honestly has some of my fav writing I’ve ever done. It’s so soft and really indulges in the hurt/comfort. It gives Ye Zun the friends and family I think he deserves. Also, he gets to grow into a (mostly!) functional person and I adore him.

the beast that slumbers within your soul (mdzs)

Jiang Cheng centric fic!! I feel like all my favourite fics I’ve written are love letters haha. This is one def my love letter to Jiang Cheng. This fic possessed me for two whole days. I wrote 16k in almost one sitting. I went to sleep at 6 in the morning bc I couldn’t stop writing. And when I drifted off I kept thinking of new ideas so I’d whip out my phone and write down lines and notes. I- have never ever ever felt that way about anything. It was- insane. It felt insane. It was so amazing. I’m still riding the memory of that high.

 Basically Jiang Cheng actually finds Baoshan Sanren and it turns out she’s a fox demon and Jiang Cheng is descended from wolves. It’s- okay I said the fic above this had my favourite writing?? That was a lie. This has my favourite writing I’ve ever done. It’s unfinished bc I am in dmbj hell but I am still excited about the next chapter which features Wei Wuxian’s pov!!

the whispers of spirits (dmbj)

My current passion project. In a way it kinda feels similar to hurricane? Bc multiple povs, incorporating different aspects of canon (we’ll get there!! I promise!), shit ton of research, etc. etc. I really really really love it for so many reasons. I’m basically taking all the things I was unsatisfied with in Reboot and Sha Hai and running with it. Found family and whump galore! It’s also a love letter to the women of dmbj who really deserve so so so much better.

Honourable mention to:

One Day (you’ll have given more of yourself than is meant to be taken) (Marvel)

This fic also kinda possessed me. I just- couldn’t get rid of the idea of a trans!Thor. And I mean a mtf Thor! It’s just? So many people look at Thor and go “that’s a Real Man.” Full stop. They never think there could be anything more, and it really really really bothered me. So I wrote out my feelings. I’m not trans. I don’t have that experience at all. I’ve had issues and confusion about my gender but nothing like this. I just wanted to do justice to this idea of Thor in my head. And I still feel a bit nervous having posted it. But I've gotten so many comments from people who really connected with what I’ve written? So I’m very very thankful I wrote it and it has a very special place in my heart. It’s a very cathartic fic.

Fic I spent least time on: 

Probably we rise (Star Wars) and I think it shows haha. I wrote it in response to Dave Filoni posting a drawing of Ahsoka and Gandalf telling her “People thought I was dead, too, and look how that turned out...” So I incorporated Ahsoka (and Din and Grogu and Ezra!!!) into the ending of Rise of Skywalker, kinda explaining how I think they could all still be alive. :)

Longest fic: 

hurricane is my longest fic (159k) but I’m kinda worried whispers will eclipse that.....

Shortest fic: 

Of my posted ones it’s The Five Moments it Took Tony and Scott to Admit They Were Best Friends (and the first time they ever did), currently clocks at 1.6k. It’s unfinished tho so maybe that doesn’t count.... otherwise it’s we rise which is completed and 2k.

Most hits/kudos/comments/bookmarks: 

hurricane overall has the most of all these. Though I don’t think hits counts as much bc it’s multi-chapter. If you discount multi-chapter stuff, most hits goes to my obikin smutfic Homecoming, bc people are horny af haha

Fic you want to rewrite/expand on: 

If I had energy I’d like to rewrite the beginning of hurricane bc it feels so so wordy. I’d want to expand on One Day bc I really would like to write a whole series with trans!Thor. And like- I’d really like the focus to finish any of my WIPs.

Share a bit of a WIP: I really wanna share my Guardian/dmbj crossover that I started back in August. Bc I adore the idea of wu xie&shen wei&ye zun triplets! Plus time travel!!! I dunno if I’ll ever finish it tho ( ; A ; ) It just feels like a lot to deal with right now.

This scene takes place during the Mountain Awl arc. Guardian crew and desperado fam run across each other at the village! Wu Xie has recently found out that he’s adopted and he’s searching for answers in the area Sanshu originally found amnesiac!toddler!Wu Xie in :) Gonna pull two snippets bc I’m v excited and this might be the only time anyone else sees this fic haha:

“Oh?” Pangzi focuses on Yunlan now, lips twisting. “You think I’ve ‘got the wrong guy,’ huh?” He laughs, but it’s not a nice sound. “That’s rich! Are you that cocky or are you just stupid?”

Bristling, Yunlan drops his hands and scowls. “Excuse me?”

“Sir,” Shen Wei tries. “I think—”

Pangzi’s eyes snap back to Shen Wei, sharp and blazing. “How dare you fucking steal his face!”

What?

Automatically, Zhao Yunlan turns to Shen Wei, but the professor looks just as shell-shocked as Zhao Yunlan feels which- is seriously something. Since everything about Shen Wei is so carefully controlled, kept to the minimum. Except for those delightful little smiles that bloom across his lovely face, or the startled little bursts of laughter that fall from his lips. Or even when anger and frustration spark across his features, cracking his calm veneer open enough that he can see a glimmer of what lies beneath, the fire in those eyes. Zhao Yunlan delights in those moments, makes a game of making Shen Wei’s control slip.

He tells himself it’s nothing more than a game. Nothing more than trying to find out what makes Shen Wei tick.

Zhao Yunlan’s always been very bad at lying to himself. Or very good. Depending on who you’re asking.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Yunlan splutters.

But before anyone can say anything else, a very familiar voice calls:

“Pangzi? What’s wrong?”

Yunlan can feel Shen Wei stiffen, and Yunlan himself is pulled to that voice like a planet in orbit, like the inevitable plummet to the ground.

Another shadow wavers in the doorway before it steps out onto the dirt. Light illuminates shaggy hair, limning it gold, sharply casting everything else in shadow. But as the figure nears, the contrast softens until Yunlan can see the newcomer’s face properly and- and—

“Wu Xie!” Pangzi growls. “We’ve got ourselves an impostor!”

The man wearing Shen Wei’s face steps up to them, brows furrowed and mouth pulled down into a sharp frown. He glances between them, eyes landing on Shen Wei. His scowl deepens. He opens his mouth, but then—

“Wu Xie?” Shen Wei breathes, all trembly and lost and hopeless.

Heart in his throat, Yunlan turns to Shen Wei again. Turns and flinches at that stricken look upon Shen Wei’s pale pinched face.

“A-Xie?” Shen Wei chokes. “Didi?”

and

Pangzi snorts. “Professor?”

“I-it’s true!”

Startled Yunlan swings his attention over to Jiajia who clenches her backpack to her chest, face screwed up in admirable determination. “P-professor Shen took me and Xiao Quan on a field trip to investigate an archeological site around here!”

“Oh?” Wu Xie drawls all slow and amused. “Well, what a coincidence. We’re archeologists, too.”

“With guns?” Yunlan bites out.

Wu Xie raises a brow, grin full of teeth. “Well, you can never be too prepared.”

“Right,” Yunlan drawls right back. “Are you a professor, too, then? You come here with your students?”

Wu Xie outright grins. “You could say that, I suppose.”

Out of the corner of his eye, one of the men rolls his eyes. He’s the one with sharp features, glasses and looped earbuds. Does he think it’s appropriate to listen to music at a time like this? Yunlan admires the man’s gall.

aahhhh vish thanks so much again for tagging me!! This was so fun to relive my fic memories!! I’m gonna tag @alwaysaslutforshakespeare @jockvillagersonly @tehfanglyfish @lichelleme @undyingsunshine @humanlighthouse  @thewindsofsong I’m curious about your guys’ writing and fandom journey!! As always, no pressure to actually complete this!! I just thought it was fun ❤

Wow if you read all of this I am very humbled and impressed, thank you!!

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