#and the pit as a response to natalie running!!

[shivvroy]

pit girl's death as an echo of javi's. both run onto what they believe is solid ground only to fall straight through. both allow the yellowjackets to believe "it" has chosen their victims' deaths, not them, but who watched him drown? who sharpened the sticks?

[puffin-smoke]

Bug questions because

1 - Do they view the other bugs as family, or as just incredibly close friends?

2 - How far is your bug willing to go in order to keep someone they love safe?

3 - Scenario time, y'all get to see why I was asking about Malascythe on the Bugcord :3

They were nearly out of the arena. The plan was going to work, they were about to escape, all of them. The end was in sight.

Bug led the half-bloods down a long hallway. Empty cages lined the walls of the hallway, giving it an almost claustrophobic quality. The low hum of a distant crowd and closer hunters filled the room like music, like the constant ticking of a clock. There was a pit Bug's stomach but they remained hopeful. This was going to work, they knew it.

Bug heard one pair of footsteps fall out of time with the rest, and then a stumble. They span around to see Bodie, on his hands and knees, trying to catch his breath. He must of tripped on something.

Bug gestured for the group to keep going without them. They'd catch up in a moment or two.

Hyper-aware of the time slipping away from them, Bug grabbed Bodie's hand, hauling him to his feet with a good bit of effort. They gave him a moment to regain his balance and then turned to follow the others.

But Bodie didn't let go of their hand. His grip on it was iron.

"Bodie? You okay? We need to-"

It was in that moment Bug actually got a good look at their friend. And it was enough to still their tongue. They ripped their hand away, flinching backwards until they were out of arms reach.

His eyes were glazed over, a pale white sheen painted over them, growing more and more opaque by the second. Veins matching the hue of his eyes ran down the side of his face, bulging out crudely. It was clear to see for anyone, especially Bug with their experience in hunting. It was Malascythe. Somehow the Malascythe in his system hadn't worked it self out, and it was now coming back for a second round.

"Bug, I..." underneath that white gloss and the impending rage, Bodie's eyes were terrified. He knew what was happening and was helpless to stop it. "I'm so sorry."

Bug only has a few seconds to act. A few seconds before the Malascythe fully takes hold. They have to be the one to do it, the others are two far away to call for help. They can hear the steadily approaching footsteps of hunters. A few seconds to make an impossible decision.

What does your Bug do?

4 - Say your Bug was given the chance to know exactly when they were going to die. Would they take it?

5 - What's something that will always make them smile?

6 - Scenario numero duo (this one's a follow up to a previous scenario. You can find it here, but the general gist is this: Duarte sent a letter to Natalie in an effort to apologise to her, but Natalie did not forgive her in the slightest. She goes to leave but Duarte grabs her arm in an effort to get her to stay. She slaps Duarte in response and leaves.) (i go on a bit for this one)

It had been about a few days since the incident with Natalie. Life had gone on essentially as normal. Duarte was refusing to talk about it, and when asked a sad look would fall over her, dejected, guilty. So naturally Bug agreed to lay off with the questions.

Bug had gone into town to go grab some ingredients that Bodie needed. It was a nice day so they'd been happy to help. They walked through the town, passing various stalls and carts displaying all sorts of goods and trinkets. One such stall was an idyllic little thing run by an old man, and was filled to the brim with fresh produce. At that stall there was a girl, her hair long and a dark auburn, carrying a bag full of various vegetables. Bug stops in their tracks. They recognise her. Natalie?

They stopped for too long. The girl turned around and mad immediate eye contact with Bug, recognition dawning on her face. And maybe embarrassment as well. "Oh- oh shit, it's you. From the other night, right?"

Bug nodded, and that embarrassment creeps further up Natalie's features. "Great. Well, not great but, well-."

Both felt the awkwardness of any potential conversation, so both of them began to walk away and leave it at that. But fate had something different in mind. Turned out both of them were walking the same damn way.

After a few moments a stilted silence, Natalie speaks. Bug notes that her voice is low, raspy, almost damaged sounding. They began to wonder if that had anything to do with the scar on her neck. "I'm sorry you had to see all that. It was shitty- I shouldn't have slapped her."

Bug nodded back to her, agreeing. Natalie went on, essentially just rambling to fill the awkward space. She was barely talking to Bug at this point, just venting her frustrations into the empty air. "Damnit, I shouldn't have even read that letter. I knew it was going to piss me off..."

Suddenly aware of what she'd just said, embarrassment further dwarfed her features. Along with something else. Resentment? "Sorry, I shouldn't be- It's complicated, y'know?"

Bug answered with a brief. "Sure."

Natalie choked out a small laugh, bitter and coarse. "Yeah... the complicated life of Duarte fucking Cardoza. Too complicated to let anyone else in."

She sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose. She looks to Bug. "Shit, I'm sorry, I'm rambling. You don't wanna hear this shit." For a moment she hesitates. "I mean... do you?"

Do they?

tags:

@rozeliyawashereyall @willowve01 @asmrbrainrot @kaiamtt @iistxrmyskyii @insignificant-anarchy @stxph-artist @aspenm00n @keyaartz @fangsshadow @rustycopper4use @piffany666 @dreamyshape @idontevenknow7878 @lunaritychuwolf @littlesiren79 @castbracelet240 @strayharmony943 @proxdragon @tiefling-chaos @threeweekinsomnia

@recated @wilderrorcard @diamondzoey @fennaboysenberry @lunnats

@lightdragon789 @pinkcocopuff-aqualoid @itsargyle @not-5-rats @astralbulldragon13

@ccstiles @puffin-smoke @fruity0salad @takashishihoin @megapugman

@reefhastoomanyaccs @kaydenskiwi @greaysharkboi

[brelione]

Consideration (JJ X Reader X John.B)

Warnings:Voyeurism, choking, fingering, masturbation, John.B

@batcat46​ is back at being the official John.B whore but this time add a little ✨JJ✨

“Please John B at least consider it!” JJ pleaded as he got off the boat as he went fishing with John B, “JJ cmon you know how weird it is youre basically begging to fuck my girl right now?” “Cmon dont think of it like that, it'd be once, Unless she liked it'' JJ smirked.

 John B stopped in his tracks, slowly turning first his head then the rest of his body following  “You did not just say that, JJ. Im gonna fuck you up” He spoke loudly as he quickly brought JJ closer, face to face. JJ wiggled out of his arms and laughed as he ran away with the day's catch in a cooler in his hand up to the house, leaving John B to tie up the boat. 

John B starts to consider, would (Y/N) actually be into that? Now John B was a very protective and jealous significant other. The more he thought about it the more he considered letting JJ hook up w (Y/N). He tied the knot deeply thinking. John B knew one thing, there were gonna be rules, and they were gonna be strict. 

John b walked into the house coming up behind JJ and flicked him upside the head. JJ immediately swatted his hand away. “Fine, you can, but i'm gonna have rules and they will be strict. She cant moan your name, You gotta use a condom, i have to watch, You have to make her finish, She isn't allowed to suck your dick, and you can't eat her out, If i want it to stop all of it will.” John B stated each as he put a finger up counting them one by one. 

Flicking JJ in the back of the head again as he walked away. JJ looked bewildered as this is the last thing he expected John B to agree to. (Y/N) was his pride and joy. As if on queue you walked through the door, holding a few bags containing groceries. 

You walked up to the counter, placing the bags down. Although you were the only reason there was space too, you kept this place afloat.  You walked over to John B standing up on your tippy toes to place a kiss on his cheek lightly. Smiling at JJ brightly, you noticed he blushed; he doesn't usually do that.

 “So...do you remember when you used to like JJ?”John B asked, surprising you. He was more of the possessive type, did not like talking about past relationships because it didn't even matter now that you were his.

 You glanced over to JJ, seeing a cocky smirk on his face. “Yeah, used too. ”You shrugged, hoping your voice didn't sound strange. You would never admit it but you could still easily have a thing for JJ. Something about the blonde troublemaker stirred something inside of you.

 “Right…so how would you feel about something new?” John B asked, not really adding too much detail. “And you don't have to say yes.” JJ chimed in, wanting to feel included. “But it would be nice if you did.”He spoke, looking back over to John B, the brunette already glaring at him.

 “What the fuck are you guys talking about?”You laughed, trying to ignore your speeding up heart rate, and the pit in your stomach .John.B grinned, looking over to JJ.It was like second grade again when JJ had sent John B to talk to a girl he liked at the time. 

“We were thinking about a deal.”JJ was tapping his fingers against the table, trying to control his excitement. “For the love of god-can you just explain what the hell you’re talking about!”You exclaimed, annoyed. “JJ wants to fuck you and I said he could.” John B blurted out, causing your eyes to widen.

 you would be lying if you said you had not got off to the idea countless times. Both the boys blushed, looking down.  You could see JJ hit the back of John B’s forearm like he was asking to to retrieve and answer. “Baby this isn't like you, what in the world let you agree to this.” John B looked up and simply replied “I wanted to watch.”  You bewildered reconsidered the idea. 

“You know, okay” you smiled at JJ and JOhn B coughed to cover his scoff. JJ looked at John B asking to touch you with his eyes. John B hesitantly nodded. JJ swiftly moved past him and put one hand on your face and looked you in the eyes as content. 

When you blinked twice signaling a yes, he kissed you, so rough and full of pure lust you didn't know what else to do but kiss him back. He tongue slipped into your mouth swiping across yours. Your hands went to his hair,as he picked you up, setting you on the counter. 

One hand resting on your high thigh on your hip. John B cleared his throat, a rock hard growing in his pants thinking about how he could do this to you x10. There were so many things JJ wanted to do to you in this moment.He had thought about it countless times. He would destroy you in every way possible if John B wouldn't be watching. 

He wanted to know every kink you had, everything you liked and didn’t like and overall just wanted to make you feel better than John B ever had. He knew he could too, dragging sloppy kisses down your neck. John B went to the corner of the room a large mount in his shorts.

 “I'm gonna take good care of you, princess.”JJ pressed a kiss to your lips before throwing you over his shoulder and setting you down on the bed, getting on top of you. He removed your top, and as you weren't wearing a bra he just admired, but quickly moved to your bottoms. 

Once you were fully stripped he started from your jaw sucking light hickies so John B wouldn't kill him. Working his way down your neck, breasts, stomach and right around where you wanted him most. Up and down your inner thigh. Right next to your heart he sucked hickies in the shape of two j’s just so you would know tonight you belonged to him. 

John B sat in the bean bag chair in the corner of your shared room, under the window. His hips slowly moving around as if feeling the air for friction. JJ got down to your panties, the sea through black flowery lace making his cock pulse harder. He finally got this, he finally got to make you feel good. 

The endless dreams he had of everything he could've done to you. He looked you in the eyes, you looking over to John B, whose eyes were dark with lust. You noticed his unbuttoned shorts and the veins in his next pulsing. His hands clenched as if he was waiting for you two to start. 

He slowly nodded signally a yes and you turned back to JJ nodding slowly. He slowly dragged them down your legs. Hands running up and down your thighs he spread your legs, looking up at you again you looked over at John B whose shorts where next to him  his rock hard cock standing in his boxers begging to be touched looked up and stated lowly ���you make the calls as long as you follow my rules.” 

You looked back at JJ who leaned over you bringing his fingers to your mouth. You coated them with your saliva as he bent back down; he pushed them both inside you. You automatically gasped as you weren't sued to how rough he was. Sure John B was rough but JJ just had this need for him. 

He needed to make you feel good at his own hand, you could feel it radiating off of him. You could hear how wet you were as he rapidly plunged his fingers inside of you, curly them as he did. You could feel the knot in your stomach building, you squirmed.

 “Cmon princess don’t stay quiet now” JJ coaxed you on. You had to hold back his name shrieking John B’s instead. John  B grunted in response. You quickly looked over to see him holding his length pumping it slowly.  JJ stopped when he could tell you were getting close. 

You felt his fingers pull out, leaving you feeling slightly empty. He stood up dropping his boxers rolling a condom on. You immediately blushed, looking over a john B still slowly pumping. “Don't do it if you don't want to love.” you looked back to JJ smiling, he got closer letting his tip slip between your folds, you gasped.  

Not used to the feeling, it started to hurt the pressure becoming too much too fast “JJ, JJ stop i need a second.” he immediately stopped his face expressing concern. Had he just ruined his one chance, what was he doing wrong? “It was just too fast to ease into it please” JJ’s eyes softened he immediately slowed down inched in and out till you gave him the go.

 You opened your eyes as it started to feel better, you clenched and he let out a low growl. He started going faster and harder. He wanted to make you feel good. You struggled to open your eyes to look over to john b who you had never seen pumping his cock harder. 

He stiffly opened his mouth as you could see the red tip from across the room. He let out puffs of air you could tell he was getting closer, his moans in sync with JJ’s. you snapped back to jj as the pit was forming again in your stomach. His hand went to your throat, you reached up and squeezed his wrist twice as okay. 

He gripped your throat so hard it brought you to the verge of your climax. The sound of John B about to cum all over himself brought you over. You screamed with pleasure as you came all over JJ's members.

 JJ was next to cum pulling out and heading to the bathroom down the hall. John B stood up and walked over to you. You wrapped your hair around his dick quickly pumping adding your mouth in as she quickly spurted the hit liquid down the back of your throat humming as he did.

 JJ came back with shorts on, by that time John B had his back on also and you finished pulling on one of the boys’ hoodies, whose? That you weren't sure. JJ wrapped his hand around your waist and smiled “so when's that happening again.” John B brushed passed “I second that question.”

@outerbongs​  @copper-boom​  @httpstarkey​ @teenwaywardasgardian @drewswannabegirl​  @simonsbluee   @jiaraendgame  @khiaraaa-in-spacee​  @on-socks-off​  @abbiesthings​ @kindahavefeelingskindaheartless @rae131415  @popeheywards​ @nas-marie-loves-u​ @28cnn​ @sexytholland​  @yuxsh06​   @ifilwtmfc  @cherryobx @poguestarkey @n1ghtsh4d3-67  @poguestyleskye @judayyyw​  @sunwardsss @meaganjm​ @sarcasticsagittarius1998​ @jj-fic-recs​ @homophobicclownmoviestan​ @jj-iz-bae​ @natalie-kate-98​ @negativity4you​ @nxsmss​ @ofmaybankheart​ @broken-jj​ @joshy-obx​  @curroptbunnie​ @outerbnx-stiles​ @angelreyesgirl100​  @hannahhh-marie​ @sadnessrehab @purple-vodka-99​ @annmariek8​ @harryswigss​ @imagines-07​ @pink-meringues​

[imeternallylove]

Blood toxicity: 53% [2/3] - Tony Stark

[IRON MAN 2 / Transcripts: x]

a whole story in this film

Tony Stark x Reader

24%ㅣ53%ㅣ0%

genre: angst

warning: mention of death-bleeding, car accident, strong language

words: 2,466 words

(gifs not mine)

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[Third Person Perspective]

Later from London, the private vacation with Y/N. Tony had blood toxicity is rising more, thinking he would die so soon. He makes Pepper a new assistant for Y/N, to look after her when he's gone. He also makes Natalie Rushman his new assistant.

Monaco Grand Prix, The news report can be heard. It's in French. It all comes down to the Grand Prix. Tony, Y/N, and Happy are seen exiting a car. They enter a restaurant where Pepper and Natalie are waiting. Happy is carrying the Iron Man suit in a red suitcase. They're sitting, but Tony isn't there.

Tony is doing another Palladium test in the bathroom reads blood toxicity has increased to 53%. He looks in the mirror, sees his awkward smile, and asks, "got any other bad ideas?" He keeps this information hidden from everyone, including Y/N. And now he's dressed in a racing suit and leaping over a barrier towards a car. Despite putting himself in immediate danger, he seeks some enjoyment before he dies.

Y/N is waiting for Tony at the table. Natalie told her that Tony was in the bathroom, but no. She sees Tony on restaurant television and on race set for Formula One driver of Stark Industries. As the pit crew walks alongside the track, a man dressed in orange destroys several cars in the race by using his modified harness with electric whips attached. The crowd yells in response to the chaotic situation. Y/N quickly dials Happy's number, and he appears at the door, holding the Iron Man case. She dashes to the car with Happy and climbs into the back seat.

"Go, go!" Happy obeys drives the car fast as Y/N order him. "Hang on." The car slams against a barrier and crashes onto the track in the opposite direction of the race cars. "Oh -Oh." Fearfully, Y/N groans in a weak voice.

Tony's car is hit, and he flies away, losing the front, while the man in orange continues forward. Another vehicle is struck. A smidgeon of fire It's dripping with gasoline. Tony appears from behind him and smacks him in the head with a metal sheet. They are unconcerned by the difficulty of their fight. Tony gets thrown to the ground. He notices a puddle of gasoline. That guy starts swinging the electric whips again. Tony tries to flee but runs out of gas, causing the car to burst into flames. Tony is ultimately reached by Happy and Y/N.

The car slammed into the fence. Tony is quickly climbing the fence. Y/N yells and raises both hands in horror.

"Happy! Were you heading from me or him?" Tony jumps over the fence and blames Happy. "I was attempting to frighten him!" Tony takes a few steps closer to Y/N's seat. "'Cause I can't tell!"

Tony is being yelled at by Y/N. "Are you [Beep] out of your mind!!" He screams a response. "Better security." And her never-ending yelling at him. "Get in the car right now!"

"I was attacked!" Tony taps his chest with his finger. "We need better security!"

"Get in the car!"

"You're CEO. Better security measures. God, it's embarrassing." The man's head moves back and forth. The other side door is opened by Tony. "The big vacation in two years!" And then he slashes the door on Tony's side in two once more. "Oh my God!" That drove Y/N crazy. Happy reverse the car a little and collides with the man once more. "I got him!"

"Hit him again. Hit him again. Football." However, it is not what Y/N wants, and she is on the verge of crying. "No. Take the case! Just take it!" With less air in her lungs, Y/N was in a state of fear. "Stop banging the car! Oh my God!" The airbag has blown at Happy side, and that man has sliced the car in half. He keeps slicing away at the car. Tony yelled at Y/N, who was completely out of sight. "Calm down, baby."

"God. Gah! God!"

"Give me the case! Please! Come on!" After Y/N's mind returns, she throws the case to the ground, Tony stands on it, and it transforms into the Iron Man Suit! The second battle begins. He kicked the car in which Y/N and Happy were trapped out of harm's way. That guy had managed to round Tony's neck with electric whips.

Tony doesn't appear to be in good shape, according to Y/N thought. She stood up and moved closer to the fight, throwing her high heels one by one to demolish that guy's Arc Reactor, but it struck his eye, which was enough to knock him off balance, and Tony took advantage of the situation, landing two punches to the face and stomach. The man was then unable to stand.

Tony rips out that guy's Arc Reactor and scans it with a broken monitor before shutting it down.

This man has been defeated and is being taken away by the police. "You… You lose. You lose Stark." Y/N drags her bare feet across the concrete to Tony. She casts a glance at that guy, spits out his blood, and continues to mock. Tony looks at him and then returns his attention to her. He crushes the Reactor, and his helmet pops open. When he notices her worried expression, he pulls her in closer.

They both lock their gazes together. The area is surrounded by an emergency siren, people, and a state of chaos. Knowing that the bad news must be on the internet.

* 　　　 ˚          . 　˚  　　　 ⋆ . · 　　 +   　　     ˚

On Tony's private jet. Stern can be seen on television. There is much news following the battle, which was far from good. Y/N became tenser as he bought a direct impeachment against Tony. "It's just unbelievable. It proves that the genie is out of the bottle and this man has no idea what he’s doing. He thinks of the Iron Man weapon as a toy. I was at a hearing where Mr. Stark was adamant that these suits can’t exist anywhere else, don’t exist anywhere else, never will exist anywhere else, at least for five to ten years, and here, we are in Monaco realizing, uh, oh, 'these suits exist now.'"

Y/N sighed, trying to remain calm. That's when Tony appears behind her, observing her reaction. "Mute." He said Y/N looks up. "He should award me a medal. That is correct." He sets a dish on the table and pulls a spoon and fork from his pant pocket. Tony takes a seat and clears his throat.

"What is that?" She keeps no loud. "This is your in-flight meal." He simply replies that he did the omelet even though the eggs were all burnt. "Did you just make that?" Tony was kept smirking. "Yeah. Where do you think I've been for three hours?" He turns away from the window. Outside, all that can be seen is an evening cloud.

"Tony, what are you not telling me?" Y/N exhales deeply. He's not going to tell her the truth, but she'll listen anyway.

"I don't want to go home. At all." Exhausted, he looks into her eyes. "Let's cancel my birthday party and… We're in Europe. Let’s go to Venice, Cipriani. Remember?" She smiles at him and mumbles, "Y/N. It's a great place to be..." Y/N holds back her tears and tries to grin at him as he avoids eye contact. "..- healthy?" She raised her brows in response to what he said.

The atmosphere grew sour, "I don't think this is the right time. We're in kind of a mess." Y/N blinks tiredly as she crosses her arm under her chest. Tony nods, both agreeing and disagreeing with her. "Yeah, but maybe that's why it's the best time. 'Cause then we can…"

"As the CEO. I need to show up."

"As CEO, you are entitled.. to a leave."

"A leave?" Y/N faintly repeats, confused about what he wants to tell her. "Yeah. A corporate retreat. Pepper and Natalie could assist, but it would only be a one-day trip, so they could switch us off. Do you still want to go back to London? A nighttime stroll." He makes an offer. Her smile remains for him, but she disagrees. "The public opinion turned against us. Many things need to be corrected during this time. Tony-"

"It's just a ride, baby. Well, all I'm saying is that we need to recharge our batteries and figure it all out."

"Not everyone runs on batteries, Tony." Y/N's voice is low and hushed as she mutters.

* 　　　 ˚          . 　˚  　　　 ⋆ . · 　　 +   　　     ˚

Tony became tipsy while wearing the Mark IV armor at his birthday party, believing it was his last, due to the stress of slowly being poisoned by the palladium in the Arc Reactor, he put several of his party guests in danger.

"You gotta be kidding me." Rhodey stood next to Y/N as they watched Tony pass out from inebriation at the party. "That's it, I'm making…." Because Y/N does not want the situation to worsen, she intervenes and stops Rhodey. "No, no, no. Don't call anyone."

"Y/N. This is ridiculous. I just stuck my neck out for this guy." Rhodey continues to complain.

The crowd then erupts in raucous applause. Both Rhodey and Y/N abruptly turned around. "You know, the question I get asked most often is, 'Tony, how do you go to the bathroom in the suit?'" Tony pauses to pee in front of a large crowd and bursts out laughing. That's incredibly impolite. "Just like that."

Y/N walks up to the bad-ass at the podium without hesitation, ripped the microphone from his grasp. As she speaks, she asks questions while pretending to laugh. "Does this guy know how to throw a party or what?"

"I love you." The guest applauded when Tony's voice came through the microphone. As the vast guest looks on, he bends down towards her lips. Y/N attempts to expel him. She made up bogus jokes in front of the gathering once more. "Unbelievable! Thank you so much. Tony, we all thank you so much for such a wonderful night. And we're gonna say good night now, and thank you all for coming." However, Tony's attempt to bend over even farther, and Y/N's attempt to lean out of this snuggle. "No, no, no, we can't … Wait, wait, wait. We didn't have the cake. We didn't blow out the candles."

They are still close to one another. Tony is continuing throwing his arms around Y/N's waist, attempting to contact her lips. "You're out of control, Tony. Trust me on this, okay?" He flirts back, cheekily, "and you're out of control gorgeous."

"It's time to go to bed. It is a time."

"Give me your smooch. Come on, you know you want to."

"You just peed in the suit. That's not sexy." He is being warned by her. "I know. It has a filtration system. You could drink that water."

At the very least, Y/N could compel Tony. "Just send everybody home, okay? It's time to." She maintains her harsh expression as she stares at his red weird inebriated face. "If you say so." The bottle was exchanged for a microphone by Y/N. "Okay. I'll take this, you take that."

"Y/L/N Y/N, a big time. She is always correct. The celebration is over. Then again, the party was over an hour and a half ago for me. In 15 minutes, the after-party begins!" Y/N closes her eyes and sighs. The audience erupts in applause. "And if anyone, Y/N, doesn't like it, there's always the door!" Tony accidentally blasts the glass halfway to the bedroom upstairs with the suit. "Yeah!" In the chaos, Y/N covers her ears with her hands.

While a young lady hurls a bottle into the air. "Hit!" As Rhodey walks away, Tony shoots the perfect shot. "Pull!" Downstairs, Rhodey visits Tony's workshop. The inebriated female continues to hurl objects for Tony to shoot. Rhodey dons one of the Iron Man suits. Another girl appears, this time carrying a watermelon.

"I'm only gonna say this once. Get out." The fights between Iron Man and War Machine then begin.

The living room is a shambles, and everything is wrecked. "My God!" said Y/N as shards of glass shattered the ceiling. She gasps in fear as Natalia rushes in to pull her aside, Happy carry Pepper out. Natalia heads off somewhere after Y/N, Pepper, and Happy are all safe.

Tony beats Rhodey and looks for Y/N in the living room. "Where's Y/N?" Jarvis reacts quickly. "Miss Y/L/N just left here a few minutes ago, sir," his AI informs, displaying the CCTV where Y/N driving her car out of the mansion, leaving him. Tony's breath hisses as he growls at the onlookers, who flee.

Rhodey gets back up. "Put your hand down."

"Do you think you got what it takes to wear that suit?"

"We don't have to do this, Tony." Rhodey takes off his helmet. So does Tony. "You wanna be the War Machine? Take your shot."

"Put it down!"

"No!"

"Drop it, Tony!"

The two helmets slide down the face.

"Take it!" When their blasts collide, Tony's mansion is destroyed. They are both thrown backward. Tony looks around and notices Rhodey taking off in the suit into the sky.

Everyone leaves Tony behind.

* 　　　 ˚          . 　˚  　　　 ⋆ . · 　　 +   　　     ˚

Tony got informed from Happy and Pepper that Y/N had remained at the company since the previous chaotic night. The next morning, while grabbing doughnuts at Randy's Donuts, eating while sitting in the eatery's large, signature big doughnut sign, he was approached by Nick Fury. "Sir, I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to leave the doughnut."

Tony is now inside, seated at a table with Fury. And, finally, Natalie reveals that she is the S.H.I.E.L.D shadow, Agent Natasha Romanoff.

"You've been very busy with your short life plan. You made your girl your CEO, you're giving away all your stuff. You let your friend fly away with your suit." Fury points at Tony's face. "You have become a problem, a problem I have to deal with. Contrary to your belief, you are not the center of my universe. I have bigger problems than you in the southwest region to deal with."

Natasha injected Tony with a lithium dioxide solution to alleviate the symptoms of Palladium poisoning. His blue veins rash fades quickly. "Oh, God, are gonna steal my kidney and sell it? Could you please not do anything awful for five seconds? What did she just do to me?"

"What did we just do for you?" Chuckles Fury. "That's lithium dioxide. It's gonna take the edge off. We're trying to get you back to work."

"Give me a couple of boxes of that. I'll be right as rain."

Back at the run-down Malibu mansion, Natasha hands Tony a box containing his father's old research, which will hopefully be used to find a cure for his palladium poisoning. And she went back as the second secretary of Y/N, helping her with the weak state of Stark Industries.

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[homerjacksons]

would you write a rhodestead with jealous connor :)) bonus points if they're in a secret relationship and end up telling people ❤❤

Hey anon! Thank you so much for requesting this, honestly. It’s been a hot minute since I’ve written any Rhodestead and I forgot how much I missed my idiot boys. I hope you like what I ended up with!

READ ON AO3

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Connor paused, watching the way Will’s patient placed a hand on his arm, eyelashes fluttering, smile brightening. Will laughed softly, covering her hand with his own for a moment, giving it a reassuring squeeze, and she laughed too, far too airy for Connor’s liking. His eyes narrowed, jealousy pooling in the pit of his stomach, unable to tear his eyes from the almost unbearably soft smile on Will’s face.

“Connor?” Maggie asked, following his line of sight til her eyes settled on Will.

“Mmm?” Connor responded, forcing himself to tear his gaze away from Will and back to the present, to Maggie, who was looking at him like she was trying to decipher a puzzle.

“Incoming patient for you.” She tapped her screen. “You okay?”

“Yep.” He nodded, flashing her a grin as he forced Will’s flirting to the back of his mind. “On it.”

—

Connor froze when he entered the cafeteria, eyes settling on Will and Natalie and the way Natalie’s hand was resting atop Will’s on the table. They were both smiling, and though he couldn’t see Natalie’s face, he was sure the softness in her eyes were mirrored in Will’s, full of tenderness and something that looked a hell of a lot like love.

His skin itched with the urge to walk over there and tear Will’s hands away, to press a kiss to Will’s lips right there in front of everyone, in front of Natalie. But he didn’t. He couldn’t. They’d both agreed they would wait, that they weren’t ready to announce to the world that they were together yet. That Will needed time.

In that moment, Connor struggled to think of a good reason why they should keep it a secret, jealousy churning in his stomach, coursing through his veins.

Just as he was about to surge forward and do something reckless, Will’s eyes settled on Connor, wide, like a deer caught in the headlights, and Connor turned and left instead, walking as fast as he could without breaking into a run.

—

Connor’s shift felt like it had dragged forever without a moment's rest, and when he finally got to step outside and take a breath, his relief was cut short by the sight of Will hugging a blonde woman he’d never even seen before. That jealousy was back again, sour on the back of his tongue, but he couldn’t look away.

It was exhaustion that flooded him then, not anger, not frustration. His limbs felt heavy and he cursed his jealous streak, one that seemed to come out with Will more than any other person he’d ever loved.

Lost in his thoughts, he didn’t realise Will was headed towards him until he was right in front of him, ducking to meet Connor’s eyes.

“You alright?” He asked quietly, hand settling on Connor’s shoulder.

He huffed in response, looking away, equal parts ashamed of himself and annoyed at Will.

“You know it’s only you? Right? It’s always been you. There’s no one else.”

“Do I know that?” Connor bit back, meeting Will’s gaze again just to see his reaction.

“You should.”

“Yeah? Even when you’re holding hands with Natalie in public?”

Will laughed. He actually laughed, and Connor recoiled, turning to walk away, but Will stopped him, catching him by the wrist.

“Actually, you caught me just after I’d come out to her. I didn’t tell her about you, though. Wasn’t sure you’d want that considering our agreement, but...she was reassuring me, not…” Will laughed again, shaking his head.

“Don’t—“

“I’m not laughing at you,” Will cut him off, tugging him closer.

Connor rolled his eyes, but he allowed himself to be pulled in until Will’s arms settled around him, warm and reassuring.

“Let’s just tell people,” Will whispered against his ear, giving him a squeeze.

“I thought you weren’t ready for that.”

“I am now.”

Connor pulled back to study Will’s face before shaking his head. “Don’t feel you have to be ready for me. I’m just being an idiot.” A smile tugged at his lips, reluctant and a little embarrassed.

“I’m not doing it for you,” Will said softly, cupping the back of Connor’s head. “I’m ready for the world to know that I’m yours and you’re mine. If you are, that is.”

Connor nodded, surging up to capture Will’s lips in a bruising kiss, hands firmly cupping his cheeks.

Will laughed into his mouth, so obviously happy it made Connor laugh too, relieved and so in love it hurt in the best way possible.

“Come on,” Will said softly, taking Connor’s hand in his. “Let’s go home.”

[aion-rsa]

Marvel Phase 4: Where Does the MCU Go After Black Widow?

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This article contains Black Widow spoilers. 

The wait is finally over, as Black Widow has arrived in theaters and on Disney+ to end a two-year drought in which no new movies in the Marvel Cinematic Universe were released. Of course, the powerhouse company kept the flag flying with the premiere of three well-received series on its streaming platform — WandaVision, The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, and the outstanding Loki — but the MCU was born on the big screen and there’s something reassuring about seeing it return there.

But now that Black Widow is out more than a year after it was first slated for release, what happens next? Ironically the film that is kicking off the MCU’s long-awaited Phase Four is a look back at the past, the filling in of a chapter in the back story of one of the founding Avengers. But aside from the introduction of the woman who is clearly going to take over as the Black Widow going forward (Florence Pugh’s Yelena Belova) and a key post-credits scene (more on that later), Black Widow doesn’t offer up a ton of insights or clues into the future of the MCU.

For that we have to look ahead.

Now that the pandemic is (hopefully) fading into the rearview mirror, Marvel is getting aggressive with four new movies in the second half of 2021, four in 2022 and anywhere from two to four in 2023. But following Black Widow, the studio’s next two releases are perhaps its riskiest bets since Guardians of the Galaxy defied the odds and became a pop culture phenomenon back in 2014.

Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings

Ironically, Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings (September 3) harkens back to the earliest days of the MCU, with the Ten Rings organization first mentioned in 2008’s Iron Man. Of course, fans have been waiting for the real Mandarin as well since 2013’s Iron Man 3 fakeout, and they’ll finally get him in the form of brilliant Hong Kong actor Tony Leung. But the focus here is introducing Simu Liu as the title’s master of martial arts and the first Asian character to headline a superhero film — a groundbreaking move that Marvel no doubt would like to have the same response as Black Panther back in 2018.

Shang-Chi has two more unexpected MCU connection points that were revealed in its latest trailer: a brief scene at the end gave us a glimpse of a cage match pitting Doctor Strange right-hand man Wong (Benedict Wong) against the Abomination, a character last seen way back in 2008 in the nearly forgotten The Incredible Hulk. Scattered rumors suggest that the film may take place during the five years of the Blip or Snap or whatever you want to call it, which is how Wong ends up here; either way, he’s one link to the MCU, while the Abomination — also slated to return in Marvel’s upcoming She-Hulk series on Disney+ — is another.

Eternals

It’s hard to tell which Marvel title is more obscure to the general public — Shang-Chi or Eternals, the latter of which arrives on November 5. Based on Jack Kirby’s cosmic tale of immortal humanoid beings called the Eternals waging a secret, ongoing war to protect Earth from the evil Deviants — with both sides the creation of ancient entities known as the Celestials — Eternals is directed by Nomadland Oscar winner Chloe Zhao. Its first trailer gave us a look at a film that doesn’t quite track with anything Marvel has done before, and it remains to be seen how this experiment feeds into the greater path of the MCU.

Spider-Man: No Way Home

There’s nothing obscure about Spider-Man: No Way Home, and the film — the third and possibly last co-production between Marvel and Sony — is expected to be a pivotal one for the MCU with the long-rumored introduction of the multiverse to mainline Marvel canon (although technically Loki has already broached the subject). Tom Holland returns as Spidey, Benedict Cumberbatch appears as Doctor Strange ahead of his own crucial movie in 2022, and while we don’t know yet who the main villain is, it’s the worst kept secret in the biz that Alfred Molina and Jamie Foxx are encoring as Doc Ock and Electro from previous Spider-Man iterations (thanks Al!).

No Way Home is due out in just over five months — on December 17 — and Sony (which controls the marketing for Spidey standalones) has yet to release a second of footage from the film. Has director Jon Watts (also back for his third go-round with the wallcrawler) packed his movie with too many surprises to show us anything at this point? 

Each MCU film is important in its own way, but No Way Home may alter the very fabric of the mythology in a fundamental way, as will the movie coming hard on its heels. But before we get to that epic, however, let’s take a brief break and see where things stand with Marvel on the Disney+ platform.

 What If…?

With Loki about to close out its run, the next Marvel series will be What If…?, the first official animated series from the MCU. Just like the comics of the same name, the show will feature reimagined events from the history of the MCU, featuring characters like T’Challa, Peggy Carter, Thor, and more. While the show is speculative in nature and will likely have little or no direct connection to the larger MCU, What If…? (premiering August 11) certainly will promote the idea of alternate realities even more and help to pave the way for the emergence of the live-action multiverse later in the year.

Ms. Marvel

Ms. Marvel will introduce the popular teen Kamala Khan (Iman Vellani) from the comics and will also serve as a springboard for the Pakistani-American superhero and Captain Marvel fan to join her idol in The Marvels, which is due out in 2022. Full details about the plot and additional characters have yet to be disclosed, but the six-episode show will continue Marvel’s major push to diversify the MCU.

Hawkeye

We know, thanks to the post-credits scene in Black Widow, that the next Marvel series in the chute, Hawkeye, will directly play off events occurring on the big screen. In that scene, which takes place in the present, Yelena is standing over Natasha’s gravesite (which is presumably empty since she died on Vormir in Avengers: Endgame) when she is approached by Valentina Allegra de Fontaine (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) about seeking revenge for Natasha’s death against Clint Barton (Jeremy Renner).

Pugh is all but confirmed to appear in the Hawkeye series, which will likely focus on Barton’s recruitment and training of Kate Bishop (Hailee Steinfeld) as the new master of archery for the Avengers. Louis-Dreyfus is not listed in the cast yet, but seems likely to appear as well. 

As usual, Marvel is playing its cards close to the vest and will adapt the comic book characters and narratives as it sees fit, but the introduction of heroes and anti-heroes like Bishop, de Fontaine, John Walker/U.S. Agent (from TFATWS), Belova and others point to everything from the Young Avengers to the Thunderbolts and Dark Avengers.

Both Ms. Marvel and Hawkeye are expected in late 2021, with premiere dates TBA.

Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness

With 2021’s theatrical MCU slate focused on introducing both new characters (Shang-Chi and the Eternals) and new concepts (the multiverse), the four titles scheduled to arrive in 2022 will bring out some of the universe’s biggest guns.

First out on March 25 is Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness, directed by the great Sam Raimi (Spider-Man), and you can bet that this will be one of the most important titles of Phase Four. It says it right there in the name: the multiverse is coming, and there’s no question that the film will play off events in both Spider-Man: No Way Home and WandaVision, since the Scarlet Witch (Elizabeth Olsen) will be showing up in this movie too (Olsen described the movie to Glamour as having a “horror show vibe”).

Loki head writer Michael Waldron has written the latest draft of Doctor Strange 2, which is very encouraging news, with Rachel McAdams (Christine), Benedict Wong (Wong) and Chiwetel Ejiofor (Mordo) all returning and Xochitl Gomez as America Chavez in the latter’s long-awaited MCU debut. Plot details are non-existent, but we can fully expect this film to have an enormous impact on the MCU as it barrels into the future — or many different futures.

Thor: Love and Thunder

Thor: Love and Thunder will blast its way into theaters after that, on May 6, and promises to be one of the biggest and most fully stacked spectacles of Phase Four. Thor: Ragnarok director Taika Waititi returns, as does Chris Hemsworth (of course), while Natalie Portman will reprise the role of Jane Foster (and also debut as The Mighty Thor) for the first time since 2013’s Thor: The Dark World (not counting her repurposed Endgame footage).

As we said, this looks like a packed film, with the Guardians of the Galaxy showing up as well (for how much of the picture remains to be seen), Tessa Thompson’s Valkyrie, Jaimie Alexander’s Sif, and Jeff Goldblum’s Grandmaster all returning, and Christian Bale making his MCU debut as Gorr the God Butcher. How it might or might not connect to the events happening back on Earth and the introduction of the multiverse is also unknown at this point, but we expect this film to be perhaps even bigger in scope and more outright bonkers than Ragnarok.

Black Panther: Wakanda Forever

Also shrouded in perhaps more mystery than usual is Black Panther: Wakanda Forever. But considering the circumstances — losing the lead actor, Chadwick Boseman, who defined the character of T’Challa for tens of millions with just a handful of appearances, it’s something of a miracle that cameras are now actually rolling in Atlanta on this motion picture.

What’s it about? No one knows, but if movies like Doctor Strange 2, Eternals and No Way Home will delve into the cosmic and/or mystical side of the MCU, than we suspect writer/director Ryan Coogler may keep Wakanda Forever firmly rooted in the geopolitical end of the universe, especially since some of Wakanda’s Dora Milaje turned up in The Falcon and the Winter Soldier.  Of course, Marvel geopolitics may involve nations like Latveria or even Atlantis, but that’s another story.

With nearly everyone returning from the first Black Panther — aside, of course, from its newly minted and now fallen king — we suspect that Wakanda Forever (out July 8, 2022) will address the loss of Boseman in a way that is full of grace, heart and majesty. Just don’t ask us how the hell to pull it off.

Captain Marvel 2: The Marvels

As you can see, the further down we get in the schedule, the vaguer the details are. Which brings us to The Marvels, formerly known as Captain Marvel 2. The title makes sense, since Ms. Marvel will cross over to the big screen with this November 11, 2022 release, but we also know that the adult Monica Rambeau (Teyonah Parris) — now imbued with powers of her own — will be coming over directly from WandaVision. From what we recall, Monica wasn’t too pleased every time the name of Carol Danvers was invoked on that show either, so there’s potentially a lot to explore in that relationship.

Nia DaCosta (Candyman) is directing The Marvels, which will also feature Zawe Ashton as a yet-to-be-disclosed villain. With Monica Rambeau and Kamala Khan both in the mix, it seems as if this adventure will be a bit more Earthbound…but don’t forget, the Skrulls are still out there too, which leads to our next section.

Moon Knight

The Marvel Studios series slate on Disney+ gets a little fuzzier once we get into 2022, but we know that Moon Knight, She-Hulk and Secret Invasion are all going to premiere, along with possibly Ironheart, Armor Wars and an untitled Wakanda-based show.

Of those, Moon Knight may have the least direct connection to the overall shape of the MCU in Phase 4. Oscar Isaac will star in the title role, with The Exorcist TV series creator Jeremy Slater as the head writer/creator on this one, but we suspect that Marc Spector and his multiple personalities will pursue his own journey onscreen, at least in the short term.

She-Hulk

She-Hulk may pursue a similar tack, least of all because it’s said to be in a more comedic vein, although it’s confirmed that Tatiana Maslany’s Jennifer Walters will be joined in the show by Marc Ruffalo as Professor Hulk and Tim Roth as Emil Blonsky/Abomination. Does the latter’s now-confirmed appearance in Shang-Chi (or at least a CG version of him) take on greater significance as a result? Or does simply plant a seed for his return in She-Hulk next year? Stay tuned.

Secret Invasion

With Samuel L. Jackson and Ben Mendelsohn returning as Nick Fury and Talos respectively after their stints in Captain Marvel, it’s obvious that Secret Invasion will feed directly off the Skrulls storyline that was started in that film. 

While the Skrulls we’ve met in the MCU so far are ostensibly “good guys,” there certainly seems to be room for Fury and Talos to have to defend the Earth from a rogue Skrull faction looking to infiltrate the highest levels of human society and government. “Secret Invasion” was a major Marvel Comics storyline, so it will be interesting to see whether Marvel Studios keeps it contained to this Disney+ series or expands upon it in the movies as well.

Armor Wars

As for the others, Armor Wars is the one we have the most info on, since Don Cheadle has been tapped to lead the show as War Machine. With the show reportedly revolving around the black market for Stark Tech — and Sharon Carter now apparently very much involved in that black market — some elements of The Falcon and the Winter Soldier may find their way into this narrative (same with Ironheart, since that show’s main character, Riri Williams, develops her own version of the Iron Man suit).

Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania

Arriving on February 17, 2023 is a film that could — believe it or not — be the most important of Phase 4. We say “believe it or not” because until now, the first two Ant-Man movies stood largely on their own, with little direct relevance to the bigger MCU storylines. 

But with the Avengers traveling through time via the Quantum Realm in Endgame, with the multiverse becoming a major factor in Phase Four, and with the name of the damn movie actually being Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania, we suspect that the true nature and potential of the Quantum Realm will finally be tapped.

But just as importantly, Quantumania will introduce a villain who is very likely to be the big, Thanos-sized baddie of Phases 4 and 5: Kang the Conqueror. With Jonathan Majors confirmed for the role, Kang’s MCU debut has widespread implications for the overall arc of the franchise. Putting in simple terms, he’s intent on conquering the universe and travels freely through time to achieve his goals. In the comics, he’s a descendant of Fantastic Four leader Reed Richards and also has a relationship with Ravonna Renslayer, who we just met on Loki.

While some of this may turn out to be nothing more than Easter eggs deliberately planted by Marvel to make fans nuts (which it does), the truth is that we may even be seeing the seeds of Kang’s agenda right now on Loki, and there’s a very good chance that he will be one of the main antagonists faced by a new iteration of the Avengers either late in Phase 4 or in Phase 5.

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3

The galactic end of the MCU will again take center stage in Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3, set for release on May 5, 2023. Writer/director James Gunn has hinted that this is the last film to feature the squad he first assembled in 2014, but other than that — and the long-awaited and heavily hinted debut of Adam Warlock — little is known about the plot except that it will follow the events of Thor: Love and Thunder, in which the Guardians also appear.

Fantastic Four, Blade, Captain America 4, and more!

That is all we have for the known, confirmed MCU Phase 4 movies. Fantastic Four, with Spider-Man director Jon Watts at the helm, is definitely in development, as is a reboot of Blade with Mahershala Ali as the title character. There are also three unfilled Marvel release dates in 2023 — July 28, October 6 and November 10 — so two of those could be filled by those two films, with a third to be determined (possibly Captain America 4? Or Deadpool 3?).

The Big Picture

The MCU is clearly moving along several narrative tracks: the Earthbound, geopolitical drama most clearly defined by movies and shows like Black Panther: Wakanda Forever, Hawkeye and The Falcon and the Winter Soldier; the bizarre multiverse madness of Doctor Strange, Loki and Spider-Man: No Way Home; and the galactic intrigue of Thor: Love and Thunder and Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3.

Lurking in the background of all this is the arrival of Kang; the impending MCU debut of the Fantastic Four — which may lead in turn to the appearance of such major Marvel figures as Doctor Doom, the Silver Surfer and Galactus — and eventually the presence of mutants and the X-Men, who themselves may arrive through the collision of multiple universes.

Whether Marvel Studios chief creative officer Kevin Feige and his team have all this mapped out, and all these narrative strands eventually coalesce, remains hidden from us at the moment. But make no mistake: Phase 4 of the Marvel Cinematic Universe is now underway, and barring unexpected changes, catastrophes or the worst kind of apocalypse of all — the box office kind — it’s going to get a lot bigger.

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Black Widow is out in theaters and available via premium access on Disney+ now.

The post Marvel Phase 4: Where Does the MCU Go After Black Widow? appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[wildbootsappeared]

Continental Divides Chapter Discussion #0: Humble Origins/Editing and Rewriting

I recently enjoyed hearing Negrek talk about the behind-the-scenes of the most recent chapter of Salvage and was inspired: I figure some of you might be interested in hearing some of that type of thing for Divides, too. CD touches on some pretty complicated subjects (historical events and politics and glazed-over-science) that are worth teasing apart a little more. So I’m going to start slowly adding in some chapter reflection posts! Keep in mind that these will probably be full of spoilers, and you’ll want to get caught up before you read em. 

If you want to hear me talk about something specific, feel free to shoot me a question.

(By the way, if you’re not reading Salvage yet—fam, get on my level. I’d describe it as a black humor odd-couple tale of … friendship??? Hm, that’s definitely not the right word, is it? Anyway! Featuring: an absolute goblin of a pokemorph, dismemberment, corruption, and Very Good Decisions. And lovely prose, by the way.)

With that, let’s get into it!

(CD spoilers below!)

Art by Giulia Bernardelli 

From Humble Origins

I’ve mentioned before that Mark and Natalie were my first original characters. They were side characters in my first ever fic from … god, 2003 or 2004-ish? So in many ways, they’ve grown up with me.

I learned about fanfic shortly after Ruby and Sapphire came out in the US, so of course baby OSJ had to try her hand at a Hoenn journey fic. I’m really sad that I don’t have a copy of the original text anymore because it was hilariously bad. You see, Brendan and May had to run away from home (instead of just … journeying like every other trainer?) because they were IN LOVE (after, like, a day and a half at most) but their parents WOULDN’T LET THEM BE TOGETHER. The story featured dazzling moments of creative genius like … Brendan and May “sneaking” into Rustboro at the wee hour of 10 am, whereupon May ran into a lamp post somehow. 

Later, Mark and Natalie appear to yell at our poor heroes and then at each other. Lots of yelling. In their first inception, Mark and Nat were basically discount Jesse and James but with less dress-up and queer subtext. Mark had a glorious moment of running while dragging his feet (?). Also, during a double battle against Brendan and May, I forgot about his zubat, so it fainted because “it was tired from flying,” despite having no feet and despite taking zero hits during the fight. Then Mark took shelter from the rain under a tree, where Natalie yelled at him some more and decided for both of them that they had to team up “temporarily” to get the red and blue orbs back from those meddling kids or something. I had grand plans for this whole plot where Natalie would kidnap May to get the orbs, but then May would end up in Magma’s hands (like a human hot potato), and Brendan would have to rescue her??? Something, something, Mark and Natalie see the error of their ways and team up to help Brendan and May … do stuff?

Anyway, I never finished it, and that’s definitely for the best.

I did revisit Mark and Natalie a few years later, though, this time for a story of their own called Out of Hand. I didn’t finish that one either, but I do have the original text this time (plus snarky comments and a “review” from me ten years after the fact). I can’t honestly tell you it was … good. Maybe good-for-a-highschooler. But! When I stumbled upon it again in 2018, there was enough in it that almost worked that I started to think about how I’d handle those themes and characters as an adult.

A lot has changed since then, but that 2010 draft of Out of Hand established some of the skeleton of Continental Divides. For example, that was when Archie became Natalie’s brother to help explain how she got involved in Aqua. I decided to keep that structure because it was a good way to let Natalie start as a neutral party/reader proxy and then quickly become embroiled in the conflict. It was also the first time Mark’s sister appeared, though I don’t think I’d decided what to do with her at the time except to use her as decorations in his angsty dreams, haha. His smoking habit also started in 2010. I, too, thought he’d quit “years ago,” in literal real time. Jokes on me—it turned out to be a useful way to signal the start of him losing control, the negative influence of Cora/Magma in his life, his hypocrisy, and his guilty feelings about things he’s burned. Scarlet appeared for the first time in this draft, too. I think I was equal parts trying to humanize Archie and to write my way through feelings about growing apart from/pining for someone. Her backstory took up a disproportionate number of pages in the old draft, but I liked the idea of keeping her around as a figure who could complicate Natalie’s relationship with Aqua and with Archie. The 2010 has  a couple fights between Mark and Natalie that I respect for bringing real danger to the protagonists ... but also can’t help laughing at. They literally fight until they tumble over a waterfall, like a cartoon. Silly as those scenes are, you can also see how they laid a foundation for scenes like the fight in Chapter 9.

CD is basically me responding to Out of Hand with, “I see you and I raise you.” 

2010-OSJ had some vague feelings about inequality and environmentalism, but none of it was very well thought-out. She mostly wanted to tell an enemies-to-lovers story, in part because she thought she was living in one IRL. Nowadays, I’ve got a lot of feelings about climate change, political divisions, activism and responsibility, corporations, policing, and whether or not violence is a good answer to certain kinds of questions. Hoenn is a safe space to explore those feelings. (It’s got pokemon, so it’s inherently more fun, right???) 

Kyogre and Groudon are such obvious parallels to sea level rise/more intense storms and rising temperatures/wildfires respectively that I couldn’t resist. And in Magma/Aqua I see a lot of parallels to political conflicts happening in the US right now. The far left and the far right don’t share a vision of what a “better world” would look like, but they do share a mutual mistrust of “the swamp” and all the ways the government tag-teams with corporations to dunk on ordinary people. I’d love to believe that someday we could team up across the aisle to fight corruption together. It’s certainly hard to imagine how we could get to a better world with one half of the country pitted against each other … Something has got to give eventually, probably not peacefully. 

My versions of Magma and Aqua aren’t exact parallels to the US political left and right—both are pretty left-leaning, for one—but I still find a lot of hope in the idea of two enemies from rival factions learning to (eventually) care for one another and work together towards common goals. At the very least, it’s something I can manifest and control on the page, and that makes me feel better about all the things I can’t control.

Editing and Rewriting

My first attempt at Continental Divides was inarguably an improvement on earlier versions of Mark and Natalie … but it still took quite a bit of rewriting to get to the draft that’s available to read now. The first draft in 2018 opened with what’s now Chapter 3, the protest in Rustboro. I had the right idea with “starting at the beginning,” but starting with an action scene was the wrong move: we didn’t know enough about Natalie to care when she was in trouble or to understand why she was making any of those choices. Moreover, even though the political content is important, this is ultimately still an enemies-to-lovers story: the beginning needed to center Mark and Natalie’s relationship. You know, to establish some interest before it all implodes. The next attempt ran a little long, though, and the current version condenses their initial meeting and Nat’s backstory much better. Maybe the next time I start a new project I’ll have an easier time knowing what makes a good starting point, but this time there was a lot of swinging back and forth to find a balance.

If you’re interested in seeing how my first chapter changed over time, you can see that here.

I’m really happy to have a first chapter I know is a solid representation of the subject matter, tone, and writing level of the later chapters. Getting stuck in an editing loop is a real danger … but if you’re ever going to edit part of your fic, let it be the first chapter. A good first chapter is critical to keeping potential readers onboard. I can tell from feedback that I’ve stuck the landing now.

Hope you enjoyed this not-so-little reflection on the origins of this story!

Some music (Spotify links):

Night of the Long Knives - Everything Everything

MMMMHMMMMM - Four Fists

[anon-luv]

I’ll Never Be Her(4) [Jimin X Reader]

Pairing: Jimin X Reader

Genre: Angst/ Romance

Summary: You loved him with all your heart, but he could only give you half of his.

Jimin was the love of your life, your night in shining armor when she wasn’t around.

She was his ex girlfriend,  his first love, actually she was his many firsts and she kept coming back.

He had warned you she was his weakness, but you didn’t listen, because to you having him even if it was only partially was better than not having him at all.

At least for now.

Rated M: Sexual Scenes and Languages that might not be appropriate for all ages.

Word Count: 4.1K+

Author’s Note: Sorry it took so long. I have a new job and I am going through orientation and that takes a lot of my time. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter. I overthought the world like I always do, but I am hoping it is of your satisfaction.

You know how much I love receiving your comments/messages/asks/reblog tags

I look through every single one of them :D and I will try my hardest to respond to them as well.

Let me know what you all think. There is only one chapter left and an epilogue ;) are you all excited??

I am so nervous to post this haha. LEAVE SOME LOVE!

I want to thank all my readers and mutuals for their support.

Specially @b-angst-tan who has been a lovely editor/ beta love her!!

The dim lighting in the narrow halls along with the stale smell of cleaning supplies had you on the verge of waddling back to the safety of Jin’s car. The squeaking of your shoes echoed loudly on the barely inhabited waiting area. The dull sickly shades of green intimidating the living daylights out of you, as you made your way towards the nurse station and registration area slowly, wary of tripping and eating shit, which to be honest with your luck nowadays it wouldn’t come as a surprise.

“Hello, Darling! May I help you with something?  You look a little lost there.” An older looking lady with peppered hair said giving you a small smile.

You nodded as you rubbed your belly, a weird feeling erupting from the pit of your stomach, making it feel a bit sensitive and stiff as if you were flexing. You took a deep breath and quietly cursed your body’s onset timing for what you had concluded were Braxton Hicks. You smiled back ignoring the weird sensation, “Yes, I came to visit a patient.”

“That’s great. What is the patient’s name? Are you a family member?” she asked as she started clicking away on her computer.

“No...I am not...actually…” You started only to be interrupted by a familiar, deep honey-like voice.

“Y/N?” a familiar deep voice questioned as he came into full view.

He looked different than last time you saw him. His usually bleach blond locks were now dyed a dark brown that matched perfectly with his brown orbs. He smiled at you, the familiar gummy smile that you had grown to love and now associate to a brotherly figure.

“Yoongi!” You said smiling widely at him, the sorrow and pain associated with Jimin’s abandonment forgotten for a brief moment as you were engulfed in a warm hug, “I’ve missed you so much. It’s been way too long!”

He chuckled as he ruffled your hair, “Yeah I know. Last time I saw you, you didn’t look like you were hiding a basketball underneath your shirt. I am wondering how you haven’t fallen face first with that cute belly of yours. You are definitely glowing and look absolutely stunning, Stef was right.”

Your face paled at the mention of her name as Yoongi’s bright smile turned into a grimace.

“Yeah, Stephany….How is she doing??” You asked trying to sound unaffected as the light tremble of your voice gave you away.

Yoongi reached for your hand, squeezing it reassuringly, “She is doing good..actually, I was going to ask you.. is it okay if we have a coffee and maybe talk??”

You nodded, “Milk and cookies and you have a deal.” Another awkward cramp shot up your back making you squirm in place, “Is there a cafeteria or something. My pregnant butt needs to sit.”

Yoongi nods happily, “Yeah, it is right over there, let me help you with that.” He said taking the damp umbrella and purse from your hands.

You waddled next to him as he glanced at you every once in a while with a small smile on his face.

You plopped down happily at the first table you found, not even giving Yoongi the opportunity to seek out another one.

“I’ll be back,” he said as he walked towards the small serving area. The cafeteria was for the most part empty other than the bored looking teenage cashier who you were more than sure was more focused on the pink cell phone on her hand than her surroundings.

Yoongi placed a warm cup of milk and a bag of chocolate chip cookies on the table, displaying it as a beautiful buffet for your weak for munchies ass.

“So what do you want to talk about?” You asked as you eagerly opened the bag in front of you and plopped a whole cookie in your mouth successfully.

“I want to say I am sorry.” He said no longer looking at you, but instead focusing at the gray, dull coffee mug in front of him as if it was an intricate piece of art, “I called Jimin…..I told him to come.”

The hunger that had been pestering you since you had left your apartment, evaporated into nothingness with that lone sentence. Your belly contracted a bit more painful than usual as you wiggled yourself repositioning to hopefully soothe the dull tightness.

“How?” You asked quietly as you stared up into his eyes, your own already tearing up from all the emotions you had bottled up all these years, “How..how..how can you do it? How do you just sit and watch, as you watch her walk away into someone else’s arms, arms that aren’t yours? How do you go to sleep and wake up without knowing if she is going to be there in the morning? How do you numb yourself knowing that you might not be her first priority? How…..do you make it stop hurting? Does it hurt you as much as it hurts me? Cause….fuck ….excuse my french…..The only thing that comes to mind is ‘that fucking bitch’ when I hear her name coming from his lips. And it sucks because I know Stephany. I have grown close to her in ways I probably shouldn’t have. I love and care for her as well, but I am not okay with it..especially when it comes to Jimin’s love. I can’t stand watching her dance around boundaries she shouldn’t be crossing in the first place”

Yoongi ruffled his hair, the sadness in his eyes clearly noticeable, something you had never witnessed personally, “To be honest...I hate it....but at the same time….. I have come to realize that the only reason why I have put up with it in the first place is because I am fucking selfish.”

“Wait… How are you selfish? If anything Stephany is the selfish one. I don’t deserve this... You do not deserve this” you asked puzzled at his response.

“Look..” he said ruffling his hair nervously with one hand, “Stephany is my world. From the very first time I laid eyes on her, I knew she was the girl I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. We have gone through so many things together, and I was there to pick up every piece whenever she would fall apart in my arms. When we found out about Nataly she was ecstatic, everything was getting better and then…. As I held our little girl in my arms I noticed something was off. Stephany seemed fine for the first few weeks, until one day she locked herself for three days in her room with our child refusing to come out unless it was absolutely necessary. She wouldn’t eat, she would barely talk, and she rarely slept. She had become so absorbed in her own little world, that she panicked if I even got near Nataly.” Yoongi sighs, but continues explaining himself.

“Then one day I ran into Jimin, I had not seen him in a while, and after exchanging numbers I was on my merry way. Stephany deteriorated and I took her almost forcefully to the doctor. That is when she got diagnosed with Postpartum Depression. I reached out to various resources trying to figure out how to help the love of my life, and after several therapy sessions and group talks I found out that sometimes an outlet or maybe revisiting things that had made her happy in the past can help to break the wall she was building around herself. I remembered how much she talked about Jimin and the adventures they would have when they were young. And that is when I decided that maybe meeting up with him would be a good idea. I wrote down his information on a sticky note before work hoping she would find it since she refused to acknowledge me on her low days. Before I knew it she was gone... And then... she left Nataly at his door... and I knew I had fucked up. From then on she did it several times... She would run from me and go to him..but she always comes back and I much rather have that and know she is safe even if it is not with me than have her leave and never return...”

You wiped the tears away from your eyes as you saw Yoongi fall apart bit by bit till he was a sobbing mess, you reached out your hand to grasp his tightly, “Yoongi, I know... With me and Jimin... it is not the same but I have had to share too and it is not healthy Yoongi. I have excused this behavior for years now and now that it will not only affect me but my babies as well. I’ve come to realize that sometimes you have to set your foot down.”

“I love her... And she’s not well... I feel like it is my fault... I am so sorry (Y/n) I didn’t think it was going to get this bad. I love you and even though he can be an asshole at times, I love Jimin as well. You have been such a great help with Nataly and Stephany. I am so sorry I didn’t talk to you about this before. I was scared. I thought if I didn’t address the problem it would just disappear... and it just got bigger and bigger. I know about everything (Y/n)... The kiss they almost shared and every time she would invade both of your lives and I am so sorry. I am going to make this okay and be stronger for her. That is why I am taking her away. Once she gets better... Maybe we can try this friendship thing again... Maybe, if you don’t hate us too much. It was not Jimin, (Y/n) I was the one at fault… I should’ve told her not to go. I should’ve taken care of her better so she wouldn’t have to seek anyone else but me. I am so sorry. Jimin really does love you (Y/n), he was just helping Stephany….us out.”

You gave him a side smile as you wiped the tears from your face. “Sure... that sounds good. And don’t be silly... We are always going to be friends.” you said as you grasped his face in your hand and wiped a tear away... Now let’s stop crying and start eating. My kids need to grow.”

Yoongi shook his head disbelievingly as a choked up sob came out mixed with a laugh, “Thank you, you are honestly one of the most amazing and understanding people on the world. Love you.”

“Love you too, Yoongi.” You said as Yoongi grasped both your hands in his, “You can do this Yoongi. You take care of your girls.”

He gave a gummy smile, “Thank you (y/n), I will.” He said as he stole a cookie from your hand.

You scowled at him playfully, “That, though...I might not forgive.”

You walked the hallways alone. The voices and whispers around you made your growing anxiety click like a bomb waiting to explode as you searched the room number Yoongi had written on your hand. Yoongi had left you on your own to head back home and continue packing. You had assured him you would be fine over and over again before he relented and went on his way.

Your phone vibrated in your hand a notification popped up showing Jin’s name.

I hope everything is ok. I am still outside just in case you need me. I will be waiting for you.

Jin 4:05pm

I am okay Jin love. I should be out soon. Just saying bye.

(Y/n) 4:06

You placed the phone back in your pocket, and out of nowhere, a familiar laugh sounded through the halls. Your pace quickened as you finally met up with the number you had been searching for what it felt like forever.

Your feet traveled towards the door that was left slightly ajar.“Nataly, you know that pink isn’t my color!” You heard Jimin say dramatically, as you peeked in through the door quietly.“But the ponytails look great on you and I ran out of blue rubber bands!” Nataly replied as she leaned in placing a smooch on his cheek.

Your breath hitched as you took in the sight of Jimin kneeling on the floor, as Nataly sat on the edge of the bed doing his hair. Stephany sat on a bed with a wide grin on her face as her hand rested on Jimin’s. If a stranger would come in they would assume they were the happiest of families. The giggles inside the room were filled with pure happiness.

Stephany looked small in the medical bed, her usual full blond hair looked frizzy and unkept, her blue-eyed pools that could drown you were more of an icy gray, and her usually rosy cheeks looked gaunt and pale. Even in her current condition, she looked absolutely gorgeous, like a fairytale princess. Your stomach clenched again as you took an instinctive deep breath to soothe the uncomfortable pang.

A flashback of Yoongi’s voice resounded reminding you of how frail and delicate the woman you had believed was strong truly was.

Yoongi’s watery broken eyes staring straight at you flashed in your brain taking over your senses, “She took pills (Y/n), I got there just in time... But I almost lost her...”

Jimin stood up from his previous position and sat next to Stephany on the bed. She ran her small hand through his hair as he leaned into her warmth.

“You’re like a puppy Chimchim!” She said giggling as he stuck out his tongue playfully. Nataly quickly sat on his lap as she licked his cheek, “I wanna be a puppy too!”

You smiled at the scene unfolding as you rubbed your stomach that was once again cramping. You sighed sadly as you took a step back.

You couldn't do this. You didn’t want to interfere. They looked so happy and at peace. Maybe Stephany wasn’t the problem...maybe it had always been you.

Jimin leaned in to place a soft kiss on the crown of her forehead, the same kind you had felt every night you had spent in his arms as you crossed the threshold to dreamland. His soft plump lips blessing you with sweet dreams through the night.

You turned away from them and back to the door you had come from, throwing down the white towel...you had given up.

The rain poured relentlessly as you exited the building, camouflaging the tears that were falling down your face. You grasped your purse tightly against you as if it was a stress ball, turning your knuckles white.

It hurt, it really pained you to leave the man you loved behind. You were weak, you couldn’t do this.

Stephany didn’t have to leave. You did. They needed him. He had known this, but your selfish self had been reading way too much into it.

Nataly’s glimmering eyes as she stared at Jimin as if he was Superman himself.

You could stay…. You could bare it through at his side until Stephany got better… but when would that be?? Would it be a year from now??? Maybe 10???

The ongoing battle in your mind had caused another onset of cramps as you slowed down in place.

“Fuck...” you said out loud, as the cramp got more intense.

“(Y/n), are you okay??” You heard Jin say as he stood in front of you with an umbrella that was now covering you. The water was dripping against his forehead as he shivered.

“Seokjin, what are you doing outside?” You said trying to get closer to him so the umbrella could cover him as well.

“I told you I would be waiting for you silly.” He replied rolling his eyes.

“Yeah, I know dork, but what are you doing out in the rain??” You asked as you brushed away a raindrop on his eyelash.

He gave you a nervous smile, “I was debating whether to go in or not… You were taking too long and I was starting to get worried.”

You shook your head with a small smile, “Jin, I really don’t deserve your ass!”

“You don’t, but I am here so.... how about we go back to the car? It’s starting to get chilly.” Jin replied as he wrapped a strong arm around you, “You are okay though, right?”

“Yes I am fine”

You lied.

There was something about Jimin’s eyes that had always captivated you. They were brown, the color of an old oak tree you would climb during the hot summers of your youth. Home, that is what his eyes would take you back to, in them you drowned and reminisced of the times where your biggest worry was learning how to tie your shoelaces.

His warmth was addicting. Being near him had always put you at ease no matter the situation. The way his strong arms would wrap around your waist pulling you into a tight embrace, flesh against flesh. A feeling that would borderline trigger your claustrophobia had become your favorite sensation.

The way his fringe would fall against his brow as he leaned down to capture your lips as he thrusted into you throughout the night, making you come undone over and over again, the both of you becoming one, would be an image embedded in your memory. A treasure you would admire from afar, too precious to touch.

The smile that had made you fall in love with him was not only reflected on his mouth, but also within the crinkles that appeared right beside his eyes. The contagious happiness that spread all over your body with every giggle and smirk that was thrown your way… There was nothing that would ever compare to that.

Just like in tug a war, as soon as the rope commences to burn along your skin and a light prickle of a sting awakens the trigger to drop it and give up, sometimes in life you must learn to let go.

Stubborn Love had held your hand and walked you all along the way, only stopping where you were at now, but your overly conscious insecurities and consistent state of neediness and selfishness could no longer bear the weight that had fallen upon your relationship from the very beginning, as the weak foundation it had been built on was hanging on by a thread, threatening to collapse at any moment.

Jin’s fingers tapped softly yet relentlessly along the steering wheel. You could tell he was anxious to question what had happened, but he knew better. Jin knew you. You sneaked glances his way as he focused on the road. Jin was handsome and strong, he had always been your shoulder to cry on and your personal diary; the only one who truly knew how you felt about Jimin and Stephany’s relationship. There were times where you wondered why hadn’t you fallen in love with him instead. From the beginning, you had never had doubts about your friendship or his loyalty. He knew your likes, dislikes, and where to set his boundaries.

The car stopped suddenly breaking you away from the thoughts that had been clouding your mind. He took a glance your way, catching your eyes with his brown ones. He tilted his head as he leaned in to wipe a tear that had been trailing along your cheek. You laid your hand against his letting it rest on your cheek. Your lips kissed the sensitive skin of his wrist as more tears traveled down your face.

“(Y/N)”, he whispered as his own voice was wavering slightly with emotions. You looked up to meet his eyes and you noticed they now looked pink and swollen, “I’m sorry…. I am really sorry about everything. I am sorry I pushed you his way. I didn’t know. I should’ve…”

You shook your head as you let go of his hand and it fell against your lap, “You have nothing to be sorry about Jin. You have been nothing less than wonder…ful. Sorry, I am having those fake contractions or whatever….they’re just uncomfortable.” You said, rubbing your belly.

“Let’s get you to bed.” He replied as he got out of the car quickly and ran to your side to help you out. You walked next to him as he held your hand all the way to your shared apartment with Jimin. You paused every once in a while to rub the cramp out of your belly.

The place felt cold and empty as you walked inside, the framed pictures taking you back to a happy place for a few seconds before reality came crashing down once again.

“(Y/N), I think you should lay down…. I’m starting to get worried about those cramps you are having.” Jin said as he took off his wet jacket. The rain had done a number on him as he made sure to cover you entirely with the umbrella leaving no room for himself.

You walked up to him and wrapped your arms around him tightly giving no fucks about the cold rainwater that was now soaking through your shirt, “Thank you Jin. Thank you so much. You deserve the world… scratch that, you deserve the whole fucking galaxy at this point.”

Jin chuckled lightly as he returned the hug and ran a hand through your hair. You felt a warm kiss against your head that had you looking up at his tall frame. He was close, so close to your now blushing face. His warm peppermint breath fanning against your skin. At this distance, you could make out every single eyelash, and can now perfectly memorize the pink that laid upon his plush lips.

“(Y/N),” he whispered softly enough to have you wondering if he had truly said something or it had just been a figment of your imagination.

You hummed questioningly not backing away.

“You are my galaxy,” he whispered as he leaned down to kiss your forehead quickly about to back away from you as to not invade your personal space. Before he could take a step back your hands reached out to grasp his collar tightly.

His pupils dilated with mixed emotions you had never been able to decipher before, but now were as clear as day.

A second. That is all it took for you to completely erase every thought, memory, and guilt. That one second is all it took for you to fuse your lips against Jin’s blurring out the world. His lips were sweet and warm. They felt safe. They felt like they could be home. He responded almost automatically holding you closer than before, but then as you felt him ask for entrance Jimin’s face popped into your mind. The way Jimin’s hands held your face as he deepened his kisses as his thumb caressed the back of your ear soothingly as opposed to Jin’s, that were holding on to your sides with trembling fingers, wary that you would push him away. Jimin nibbled on your bottom lip softly whenever he would ask for entrance causing your core to explode with heat that could overpower a volcano anyday. Jin was careful and soft, licking your bottom lip before you allowed him to take over. Jimin was rough and passionate. Jin was soft and careful. Jimin was dangerous and unpredictable. Jin was safe and cautious.

Jimin…..

A warm liquid traveled along your leg. At first, you thought it was the rainwater dripping from Jin’s soaked clothes, but the drip turned into a continuous leak and the contrast from the cold water falling from his hair to your face was quite obvious.

Jin backed away before you could react. His face went into panic mode as he looked down, the clear evidence of the unknown liquid all over the floor and his pants.

“Did I make you pee yourself??” He asked in a small, confused voice.

You remained quiet and stunned as you looked at your belly.

Jin caught onto your line of sight staring with wide eyes and open mouth gaping at your belly.

Frightened, you stared up at him, “Jin, I think my water broke...”

Before you could react Jin had already picked you up in his arms cradling you easily against his body. Your instincts kicked in as you kept in mind the birthing classes you had forcefully attended.

“Wait, what the hell are you doing??? You know I can walk right?? Just go get the two diaper bags next to my bed and let’s go to the hospital. Everything is going to be okay. Look at me.” You said grasping his face in your hands as soon as he set you back on your feet. Jin’s face was red and you could tell he was borderline hyperventilating. “I can’t have you pass out on me, so follow along to my breathing pattern…. In …...out…….In ….Out. Better??” you asked as he nodded quickly, “Okay, it’s time to go.”

[nowfight]

After the Storm Chapter 16: Cosmic Love

Natalie took a sip of her coffee long after it had grown cold. The dark storm clouds continued to roil in the sky overhead and rain poured down upon the town, an unusual amount for that time of year, but not unheard of. The water pattered down through the canopies of the old oaks in her backyard, and puddles formed between their roots, while squirrels and birds took up roost among the branches for shelter.

Natalie watched from the steps of the patio deck, the overhanging roof protecting her from the rain, as she sipped her coffee. She was lost in a daze and her eyes were unfocused. The emotional turmoil she felt had exhausted her mentally and physically, absently, she had hoped the coffee would bring her back to reality so she could help those that needed it.

Jekyll had appeared a bit smaller before her and crawled onto the patio deck to lay behind her and offer her support and warmth. He had no words to give her. He was not an emotional creature and only understood that she was sad and he needed to protect her in such a state.

It was cold outside, even more so with the rain, and her breath fogged up before her after each sip. She could imagine the coffee was still hot that way and that her toes weren't freezing.

For once, she wished her house was empty, so that she could mourn at her own pace. But there were others who were upset and she needed to do her best to offer as much support as she could.

"Natalie?"

Green eyes stared ahead sightlessly but she responded after a moment's pause, "Yeah?"

"Do you mind if Felix and I stay here for a few days?" Laila asked from the sliding glass door. She was dressed in a purple top that hung off one shoulder, a black sports bra, and black leggings. It looked as if she had just been getting ready for her morning run when Michael had called her.

"Stay as long as you need," she said with forced cheerfulness after clearing her throat.

"Thanks," Laila mumbled and stood in the door for a few minutes, unsure of how to help, as she was never good in such situations. Some ideas had formed in her mind but she held off on voicing them as it seemed Natalie was mourning herself and she did not want to bother her. She stepped back into the house and shut the sliding glass door with a sigh. Felix had fallen silent in the living room and Michael had taken to standing at the kitchen sink, staring out through the window, while he bit the nail of a thumb in thought.

She had gotten to know Pax very well over the years, as he and Felix were partners in crime, but she had always dealt with death a little differently. Sure, she was sad, but she was also able to still function through her sadness. It was then that she decided to step up and help the household back to its feet. Natalie couldn't always be the one supporting everyone and lifting them up, she was only one person, so with that in mind she cracked her knuckles with a sigh.

First thing first, she decided with a raised brow as she eyed the trail of dirty footprints leading upstairs, the house was a mess and needed a good cleaning. Secondly, they needed some good comfort food for later in the day when they had calmed themselves enough to feel hungry. And thirdly, Gabriel needed to be informed as he was far more kindly and caring than Laila and could offer more emotional support than she could.

Lucifer stood in the bathroom and ran a hand through his hair while he examined his human face in the mirror. It had taken him a bit of effort but he had managed to change his form. After so long in his natural state, it was hard to pull the face back on, but he didn't want to cause Natalie anymore stress. He looked like his usual twenty-five your old self that he had taken to appearing as for Natalie's sake. It was close enough to his usual chosen age range, so he didn't mind the shift.

He braced his hands on the bathroom counter top and stared down into the sink, frustrated beyond belief for his own stupidity. He had flipped out over an existential crises, of all things, and lost a life because of it. Had he waited for Raphael to provide further impute, collect more information, and gone in with a full team Pax would still be alive.

But he had wanted to blow off steam and prove he was a bad ass and could stop the thing on his own. He snorted in disgust as he prodded the healing puncture wound on his shoulder where a branch had split flesh during his fall into the pit. It was still bleeding a bit but the skin was beginning to mend.

With a snap of his fingers, his was wearing sweatpants again, and he pulled a tank top on after as he remembered Natalie's decree that he not walk through the house shirtless. She had let him slide a few times but now was not an opportune moment, he thought.

When he came down stairs, he found Laila with a mop in hand, cleaning up the mess he had left with his trek through the house. She glanced up as he descended the steps and offered a quick wave before she returned to her task.

"Where's Nat?" he asked. He could see Gabriel cooking in the kitchen but made no comment on it as he glanced about the rest of the room.

"On the patio," Laila answered with a sigh and thumbed over towards the sliding glass door.

Lucifer grunted and was stepping out onto the patio moments later, sliding the door shut behind him, and skirted around Jekyll's tail to find Natalie staring out into the rainy backyard. He rubbed the back of his head, unsure of how to handle the situation because he felt like she was a balloon ready to pop, before he decided to sit down on the top step next to her.

Without so much as a word she reached over for his hand and curled her fingers through his, never once taking her eyes from the trees, and gave a tight lipped smile.

Lucifer watched her for a moment, wide eyed, and surprised that she was so ready and willing to accept him still when he had run off on her. He dropped his gaze to their hands before his ears drooped and he turned to look out at the backyard as well. "I'm sorry," he mumbled a few moments later and tightened his own grip on her hand.

Natalie lowered her eyes to the grass just before them and whispered, "Don't do that to me again."

Lucifer nodded once, jaw tight against emotions, and wished he had a cigarette.

"I'm serious, Lucifer, I can't do this alone," she added with a shaky voice and wiped at her eyes. "You said no more apocalypses, no more running off into dangerous situations . . ."

"I know, kid, I'm sorry," he muttered and rubbed at the bridge of his nose. He didn't bother trying to excuse his actions, because she was right, he had been wrong to run off and go head first into a fight just to prove his worth to no one but himself.

Neither one of them had the strength to argue in that moment, they were both physically and emotionally exhausted, but Natalie continued with a shuddering sigh, "You don't understand, Lucifer." She grasped his hand tightly as she felt her chest tighten and panic slither to life in her limbs. She was afraid to tell him, afraid that he would run away again, and that she would be left to sort things out on her own. She bit her lip and squeezed his hand as hard as she could as fear turned her blood cold.

"It's alright, Nat, I'm not going anywh-."

"I'm pregnant."

Natalie hunched forward as Lucifer stared with wide eyes, looking as if he had seen a ghost, before he jumped to his feet and jerked back as if he had been stung. The wooden railing cracked as his back smacked into it and he lifted his hands to his head.

Silence fell between them and the only sound to be heard was the rain and thunder as it intensified. Sheets of water fell over the backyard as wind whipped it about and sent it cascading through the leaves of the trees.

Lucifer's eyes did not move from Natalie's back as his fingers grasped at his head, overwhelmed, and he stumbled back up onto the deck with a grunt. Jekyll lifted his head to watch his master curiously as he shuffled back into one of the wicker chairs and knocked it over, startling himself with a curse. He chose to brace himself against the railing of the deck and stare down at the gravel, drowning in rain water, below the patio with wide and unseeing eyes.

"Umm," he tried to force himself to speak, but nothing came, and he chuckled nervously. Disbelief was the only emotion he felt in that moment. If not disbelief than mania, because becoming a father had never even crossed his mind in the thousands of years he had lived, and he was the Devil. He rocked back on one foot, needing to work out the energy rising within him somehow, and ran a hand through his hair.

Natalie's heart broke for the second time that day and she struggled to breathe against the pain. She needed him so desperately in that moment, because something was stealing the souls of children, while she herself was pregnant. She was terrified and stressed beyond all possible limits. But he looked as if he was going to run and it tore her to pieces.

"Fuck. Natalie, I-," he cut himself off and stood straight, rocking on the balls of his feet, and covered his face with his hands.

"It's alright," she murmured. "I just thought you should know. I'd understand if you wanted to-."

"Shut up," he cut her off with a raised hand, the other still covering his face, "Just shut up. Stop letting your brain run haywire."

She lowered her eyes to her feet, hands shaking in her lap, and struggled against further tears.

"I don't care if I am a father," he finally forced out between grit teeth and a tight jaw, "I don't care about having responsibilities or any of that bullshit." He finally pulled his hands away and dropped to his knees before her as she turned in her spot to look at him, "But Natalie, you have to understand, that I-," he struggled to continue and grabbed her by the shoulders imploringly, "Natalie, I am the Devil. I am Satan. You do realize that any child of mine is considered . . ."

She nodded with a watery smile, struggling to piece her heart back together, and wiped at her eyes. "But the apocalypse already happened, so I figured, what the hey?" she mumbled through her tears and lifted her hands in a shrug.

Lucifer stared at her searchingly, eyes jumping from the other, with drooped ears and scrunched brows. His grip on her shoulders tightened momentarily.

"Natalie, I . . ." He what? He didn't even know. His chest was tight and his heart ached for all that had happened and now a bomb had been dropped and he couldn't decide if it was good or bad. "I don't deserve you," he finally forced out, "You beautiful, beautiful thing." He brushed a lock of her hair behind her ear with shaking hands.

Natalie dropped her gaze to her hand, resting upon one of his knees, as sadness washed through her again.

"Hey," he called quietly and grinned nervously as her eyes lifted to his again, "It'll be okay. We'll figure everything out."

"What do you want to do?" she asked in a whisper.

Inside the house, Laila continued to clean while Gabriel clattered about in the kitchen. Michael was shouting something as the sound of the front door opening filtered through the glass of the sliding door, Max's voice greeted Michael's, followed by Chelle's. It seemed Laila was taking control of that mornings events and bringing everyone together to discuss how to proceed and, hopefully, bring a little cheer back into their hearts.

Lucifer bit his lip, drawing blood with a canine, and stared into her eyes. He was searching deeper than he had since before his fall, pulling up the deepest strands of thought, in order to answer her as truthfully as he could. Her voice rang through, as he recalled not but a week ago, when she had asked him how he wanted to handle a situation. "I . . . we . . .," he scowled in frustration as he struggled to answer but her patience never wavered. "Fuck it," he finally spat out with his signature sardonic grin, "Let's prove them wrong."

The smile that claimed Natalie's face was well worth it, he decided later, because she had lit up that whole backyard as the rain slowed to a stop.

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13040441/1/After-the-Storm

[haztory]

hurricane. (teenager!frank castle x reader)

A/N: okay so this was originally one of the dialogue prompts but i decided to make this a au one-shot if that’s alright with everybody. its a bit all over the place and messy but i’ll just say that that’s my writing style lololol. please send in requests if y’all would like.

request: hi! i love your writing! can you do “i said i love you” and “quit it or i’ll bite” with frank castle? thank you very much! 

(thanks for loving my writing sweetcheeks. makes me feel fuzzy inside, also sorry it took so long)

It was an unspoken rule between you and Frank to never disclose the details of your relationship to those who asked. There was never any specific reason for it—it’s not like you and Frank had anything to hide—it was just…an unspoken pact between you two.

When people came up to you two during lunch and asked the same old question of “Are you guys dating? Or just really good friends?”, they always received the same answer:

“Yes.”

It became a game after a while. How many people could you guys confuse today? Who’s the next one to ask?

You understood why everyone asked. You and Frank were way too close to just be considered best friends, and whether that is due to the sheer amount of years you and Frank have been friends or because there’s a chemistry you have with him that runs deeper than blood, you’re not entirely sure on.

The only thing anyone really knows, is that if you want (Y/N) (L/N), you won’t get her without her bodyguard Frank Castle, and if you want Frank Castle, you won’t get him without his life advisor (Y/N) (L/N).

You guys come in a pair. There’s no use in trying to separate the two of you.

You and Frank have been best friends since you were six when you moved into the house right next-door to him. You didn’t know anyone and he was a shy boy who didn’t have many friends.

“A match made in heaven.” proclaimed your mothers. (Your mothers already planned the wedding.)

There wasn’t a day you two didn’t spend together, whether riding your bikes to the stream near your houses to playing some sport in your front yards to watching his mother’s extensive collection of movies at his house to camping in his backyard. Even when you were sick, he was always there to sail the storm with you.

The majority of your youth days were spent together and as puberty hit, that bond only grew stronger. When your only other friends seemed to split apart from you and follow boys and Frank’s “no bullshit” mentality strengthened, it only made sense that the two of you would draw to each other like magnets.

That was when the rumors started. In junior high, when people began to notice how Frank would always wait for you at lunch and you would always take him home after school; When people began to notice that when they run into you outside of school, Frank was always by your side; When people began to notice that a majority of the stories you told only involved Frank.

So, yes, you understand why everyone asks, because in all honesty, you and Frank choose to not do anything to quell the rumors. In fact, you knowingly add more fuel to ever growing fire.

He was your date to junior prom (and is your current date to the senior one) and when you both showed up with matching outfits everyone literally “awed” at the sight of you; For your sixteenth birthday, he gave you a necklace with his name engraved on it that you have yet to take off; Your Instagram is filled with pictures of him with very cryptic captions that borderline romantic and to anyone not paying attention, would seem like you guys are an item.

There was even a time where everyone thought you were married. You and Frank had shown up to school one day with gold bands on your left hands and never said anything until someone pointed them out. People asked relentlessly, but you never confirmed nor denied.

That happened over a year ago, but you’re pretty sure some people still think you’re married. (I mean, you guys practically are. You argue like a married couple, you love like a married couple, so really it wouldn’t be a shocker.)

For god’s sake, even the teachers think you guys are a thing! It’s drawn the attention of the entire school for some reason without you and Frank having to move a muscle.

It gets annoying sometimes, but you’ve gotten used to it.

Besides, even you can admit it: You and Frank are a hella cute couple.

It’s Wednesday, meaning your school has an hour lunch block and you’re sitting at your usual round table with your usual friend group of Curtis Hoyle, Karen Page and David Lieberman.  

You sit with your right leg thrown over Frank’s lap, stealing a couple of stale fries from his lunch tray as he sits with his left arm thrown over the back of your chair and his right arm gently stroking your leg on his lap. There’s a large smile on your face from Curtis’ wild antics, and the sight of it puts a smile on Frank’s.

(It’s kind of hard for it not to. Everything you do puts a smile on Frank’s face.)

“I’m just sayin’ man!” Curtis laughs from his seat in front of you, throwing his hands up in mock surrender as everyone at the table watches, “She was ogling you the whole period! Natalie Rushman was makin’ goo-goo eyes at you during Fury’s lecture!”

Frank waves his hand in the air, scoffing and throwing his head to the side with a smile on his face, “Yeah, yeah. Whatever, man!”

Curtis points an accusing finger at Frank, slamming his elbow down on the table and staring at him with intense eyes, making everyone at your table laugh.

“I ain’t making this shit up! Listen, if you ain’t gettin’ on that, I will. Make your move now or I’m swooping in.”

Frank shakes his head at Curtis, moving his hand to his tray of fries and smacking yours away so he could grab three before plopping all of them into his mouth. His voice is muffled as he speaks, “Go ‘head.”

He rubs the crumbs on his hands on his jeans while looking down at you on his left and giving you a warm smile, “I already got what I need.”

Your three friends all groan at the comment, rolling their eyes and muttering to themselves. You give Frank a loving stare, gently pinching his cheek and giggling before feeding him another stale and cold fry.

Karen, who was seated between David and Curtis, places her forearms against the lunch table and stares at you and Frank, “When are you both going to come to terms with reality and realize that you are in love with each other?”

She tucks a strand of blonde hair behind her ear and you give her a faux innocent look, furrowing your eyebrows and tilting your head to the side.

“What do you mean? We’ve already picked out the names of our kids. There’s nothing we really have to come to terms with,” You put a fry in your mouth and chew contentedly.

Karen’s mouth drops slightly, the corners of her lips slightly pulling back as she darts her eyes from Frank’s satisfied smirk to your innocent one. She huffs out a laugh and runs her hand through her hair, slowly shaking her head, “I don’t know if that was a joke or not.”

David takes a sip from his carton of chocolate milk, raising one eyebrow up and glancing at Karen, “Who knows at this point?”

Frank places his hand on the back of your neck, gently dragging his fingertips across the skin there. You shy your body away from the touch, letting out a whine.

“Quit it or I’ll bite.” You try and give him a threatening stare which only makes him smirk in response.

(And it’s one of those lopsided ones that makes him look so charming and sexy and it’s no surprise that every girl that meets Frank has a crush on him.)

“Make me.”

“Y’know what Castle— “

“Alright, look.” Curtis draws the attention back to himself, “The sexual tension is too much. As your closest friends, we deserve a right to know—” his eyes dart from Frank to you, pausing for dramatic effect.

“—are you guys gonna fuck?”

Karen smacks her hand against Curtis’ shoulder while David laughs loudly, throwing his head back and releasing the sound to the ceiling. Even the loud chatter of the surrounding students couldn’t drown out the volume of his laughter. Curtis grips his arm in pain, rubbing it and staring at Karen with a hurt look.

Frank looks back at you, a smile on his face that mirrors your own. Frank enjoys watching people twist and turn to find out the details of your relationships and you are nothing but complacent in his pleasure. You don’t really care what people think or what they want to know, but whatever makes Frank happy.

You turn your head and look at Curtis’ expectant eyes, gracefully shrugging your shoulders, “That’s on a need to know basis.”

Curtis throws himself back into his seat in frustration, earning a giggle from Karen as he mutters to himself, “Yeah, yeah, and I don’t need to know. Pfft, I don’t even know why I ask.”

David suddenly puts down his carton of milk, looking at you with wide eyes, “Hey! Are we still on for that trip after graduation?”

The trip in question, was the annual camping trip you and your family take from New York to Connecticut after school ends. The drive only took a day or two with few pit stops at restaurants or to see some sights, but it would take you to a beach house your family owned during the summer. You would spend the two weeks at the house either going to the beach or driving to some other place near the coast.

The house was special to you. It was where you and your siblings grew up, and was where the extended family would get together for the summer to just enjoy each other’s company. It was where you and Frank had accidentally kissed, and was where your platonic relationship with Frank suddenly became more.

(Although, no one else knew that.)

The house was where you felt, for the first time in your life, truly beautiful, with Frank’s large hands exploring your body underneath the moon in the crashing waves of the beach. The house was where Frank placed his lips on yours and told you how special you were to him. The house was where Frank placed his head on top of your stomach in the sand while you ran your hand through his hair, and told you how he had never felt things the way he felt with you. The house was where you realized your feelings for Frank, were no longer one-sided. The house was where you realized that Frank was the only one for you, and will only ever be the one for you.

The house was more than just a house: it was a haven that you could escape to when things got rough; It was your sanctuary, your little bubble of good things. It was home.

You were excited to share your home with your closest friends, showing them—but never telling—why this place was so special to you, one last time.

You nod your head at David, giving him a wide smile, “Oh, yeah! We’ve already rented the campers and everything.”

“You got room for one more? Sarah and I were talking about it and she seems interested.”

“Sure. I’m pretty sure there is enough space.”

“You guys coming?” You point your finger over to Karen and Curtis, who both eagerly nod their heads, smiles playing out on their faces.

“When are we leaving?” Karen asks, dragging her fork across her empty Tupperware container.

“Three days after graduation. We’ll be gone for two weeks, I think? I have to double check. But Frank and I are taking one of the large campers, so you and Sarah could bunk with us.”

Your three friends’ faces drop, the smiles slowly disappearing at your statement. You furrow your eyebrows in confusion.

Did they all have something to do during that time? That’s going to pose a problem seeing as you and your parents have already placed down the deposit for the campers.

“What?” You ask them, looking from each of their faces and finding that Karen and David nervously looked from Frank to you while Curtis stared straight at him. You turn your head upwards, looking at Frank who stared at each of them with a hard look and a clench in his jaw.

He doesn’t even look at you.

A slight panic starts to creep into your soul, your gut feeling telling you that something is wrong, which is pretty obvious. Your stomach is slowly sinking to the bottom of your body and your breathing is starting to pick up. The loud volume of the lunchroom seems to drown out, your mind focusing in on only the people in front of you.

Curtis maintains strong eye contact with Frank, giving him an equally hard stare. His voice drops a couple of octaves, “You didn’t tell her?”

“Not now, Curtis,” Frank grits out, his eyes narrowing at his friend.

“Tell me what?” You hurriedly interject, removing your leg from Frank’s lap and sitting forward at the table. You look from Curtis’ sympathetic look to you, to Frank’s averting eyes.

No one says anything.

Karen and David fidget in their seat, clearing their throats and fiddling with themselves at the sudden awkwardness that encompassed the table. The panic is now in full motion and the desperation that accompanies it is disorienting. There is something not being said, and the fact that it involves Frank makes the situation that much worse.

You can handle Curtis or David hiding something from you, even Karen, but not Frank. Frank always tells you everything right away, no questions asked. If he’s hiding something, it means that it’s going to hurt. You start to mentally prepare yourself for whatever it is.

“Can someone please tell me what’s going on?” You try to keep your voice steady as you address the table, but the crack in your voice betrays your efforts. Everyone can see and hear the desperation in your voice, and they can only look in sympathy.

It’s not their place to say it, but Frank’s silence is pushing them on.

He can barely look at you, keeping his eyes straight ahead. He knows if he looks at you then his resolve would come crashing down. He wanted to tell you at a better time. Not in a school lunchroom with everyone watching.

“Frank?” you plead, looking at the side of his face, watching him take a deep swallow that moves his Adam’s apple while softly shaking his head at Curtis.

You turn your head to Curtis. He slowly tears his eyes away from Frank, meeting your worried eyes.

“Curtis?” You gently ask.

Curtis has been friends with Frank for a long ass time, and the things shared between the two of them were meant to only stay between the two of them. But when you’re staring at him like the world depended on it, with every emotion clear on your face, Curtis was finding it hard to maintain the pact.

He takes a glance to his friends seated beside him, who gives him a questioning glance, wondering if he really was going to be the one to say it. He sees David give a small nod of his head. He turns his head over to Frank, and he’s stuck between a rock and a hard place again.

If there was desperation in your eyes, he doesn’t want to know what’s in Frank’s. Frank stares at him with a look of anger and need, despairingly pleading to not say what was on his mind.

Curtis sighs and drops his head. Frank’s gonna kill him.

“Frank enlisted for the Marines,” Curtis tells you, head down and his gaze trained on his folded hands, “He gets shipped out a week after graduation.”

Time seems to stop when Curtis utters those horrible words.

Enlisted? The Marines?

Frank never told you anything about the military. He never told you that he was planning to enlist, he’s never even told you he liked the military. But all of a sudden, he’s decided he wants to be involved when there is a literal fucking war happening?

Frank was smart to not have told you because there is no way in hell you would ever let him sign up. There is no way in hell you are going to let him go.

Your heart feels as though it’s been ripped out of your body and heavy weights have been placed onto your shoulders. You can barely breathe. There seems to be a hundred different thoughts running through your head, and yet none at the same time.

The room is spinning and you need something to grab onto, but your anchor feels a hundred yards away. Frank is sitting right next to you but you already feel like he’s been shipped out overseas and out of your reach, out of the safety of your arms.

You want to cry, you want to scream, you want to hit him, but your body is frozen.

You slowly lean back into the hard, plastic seat at your lunch table, unable to meet the eyes of everyone around you.

He’s going to war.

Nobody goes to war and comes back the same. You’ve taken AP Psychology; you know what happens to the brain during that kind of trauma.

He didn’t even tell you. He’s leaving in less than three weeks and he didn’t even tell you. He told everyone else, but you. You wonder who else knows.

Do his teachers know? Do other students in his classes know. Does Natalie Rushman know? Has everyone known this entire time and have just been hiding it from you, putting on fake smiles and laughs in front of you while they hide the dark, life-altering truth behind your back?

The dread that filled your body is slowly being replaced with a blinding rage that numbs you from head to toe. Your fingers are clenching into a fist so tight, that your nails are making crescent indents on your palms and your teeth are grinding too hard for it to be healthy.

The stares from your friends go unnoticed by you. They can see the change in your body and all they can do it glance at one another.

“(Y/N)?” Karen gently calls to you. Your head snaps up, your narrowed eyes meeting her gentle ones and you are suddenly brought back to reality. Your friends look at you with curiosity and you know you only have one option.

You grab the backpack by your feet and stand up from the table, leaving your plate behind alongside your friends, quickly making your way out of the lunchroom despite the thirty minutes still left of lunch.

You don’t know where you’re going, you just know you have to leave.

The table sits in silence, unsure of what to do with the residing feelings of anger at the table. Frank’s elbows are propped up on the table, his hands folding and unfolding methodically before their eyes. They can see the muscles in his forearms tense and un-tense with the occasional vein popping out. His blood is pulsing and he can feel a powerful headache coming on.

“Y’ever think that maybe–” Frank spits out, his voice deep and gritty as he stares to the side of the lunchroom, “—just maybe, I was waiting for the right time to tell her? Hmm?”

Curtis keeps a strong hold on his gaze, his eyes and voice unwavering at Frank’s threatening tone, “The right time to tell her was when you signed up, Frank.”

“That ain’t for you to decide.”

“Telling her a day before leave is a shitty move. She deserves better than that.”

“You don’t know what the hell you’re talkin’ about— “

“Man, just shut the hell up and go find her. Tell her you love her before you lose her.”

Frank shuts up, his mouth closing and his retort dying in his throat. He looks over to Karen and David, who both give him a nod in agreement to Curtis’ statement.

Now, Frank doesn’t care much for David’s opinion, because as much as he might like the guy, David has had his own problems in relationships and whatnot. Frank is never eager to get David’s opinion on a situation, but either way he’ll find out what the guy thinks since the man is so adamant on sharing it whether anyone asked or not.

But, Karen is a different story. Frank trusts Karen with his life if necessary. She keeps her secrets and stays true to her words, guiding Frank in times when you couldn’t. She’s gentle and sweet and caring, only wanting the best for others. He values her opinion, always going to her first for help—not counting you, of course. She’s a close friend to him and an even closer one to you.

So, when Frank sees Karen nod her head at him, silently encouraging him to fix his error, he goes. He follows the direction you left in, not caring that he left his trash on the table or his backpack or anything necessary for his next class; He only cares about you.

You had no other place to go but the library.

You couldn’t leave campus and you weren’t about to go to a teacher’s class and have to explain the reason why tears were falling down your face.

The library is the only place where you could successfully hide and not be found.

Unless of course the person searching for you is Frank Castle, who is not only a master in the game of hide-and-seek, but also knows you too well. He finds you with your back against the shelf of Sci-Fi books and your body angled away from the entrance to the area, furiously wiping away the tears running down your face.

He can only stare.

He’s only ever seen you cry three times: Once when your dog died, another while watching ‘Marley and Me’ and then when his dog died. All three, dog related.

So, seeing you cry—no, sob—at his own doings, is heartbreaking. He wants to reach out and touch you, but he can’t bring himself to hurt you even more. He slowly sits himself down in front of you, leaning against the adjacent book shelf and watching you cry.

His presence only makes you cry harder.

He’s the only person you want to see, and yet he’s the last person you want to see. You want him to hold you and comfort you but he’s the reason for your pain. Funny how the world works.

You both sit in silence for a while, listening to your sobs slowly die down before you stare blankly at the wall, your bodies barely touching but the heat still transferring between you two.

Your legs are stretched out over the carpet, your dirty mint green converse almost touching his black boots. A sudden wave of tired washes over you, and you would love nothing more than a nap, until you realize that you still have the rest of the school day to get through.

A bell rings out throughout the school, signaling that lunch has fifteen minutes left.

You don’t know why, but you slowly bring your head to look over at the cause of your pain, who was already staring intently at you. His body seems to perk up at your acknowledgment of him, but slowly sinks down once he sees your red and swollen eyes.

(Frank feels awful for thinking it, but you’ve never looked more beautiful.)

You feel empty, like someone opened your body and stole every though and emotion from you. You have nothing else to give, other than your empty body. A piece of your happiness has been stolen, and you’re never going to get it back.

“You haven’t even left yet, and I already miss you.” The words his Frank like a train and despite the close proximity, he feels like you’re an ocean away. Your tone sounds deflated, and your voice raw and it’s then he realizes just how much he has damaged you within the span of fifteen minutes.

He didn’t realize he had that much power.

(He doesn’t want it.)

You let out a shaky breath and scratch your nose gently and sniffling, “’M not letting you go.”

He sighs, “(Y/N)—“

“No! ‘M not. I don’t care if-if that’s illegal or whatever, but you’re not going. Not over there—Not without me.” You violently shake your head at him, repeatedly licking your lips and stuttering, just trying to get your thoughts in order.

“You’re not going over there— “

“Then neither are you!”

“I have to— “

“No you don’t! You can stay—with me. Where it’s safe. We can-we can do what we always said, y’know? We can get an apartment in the city and-and live together and get some shitty ass jobs and— “

You didn’t realize Frank had gotten closer to you because suddenly he’s holding your face in his hands and you’re staring deep into his brown eyes and you can feel yourself getting lost in the stormy sea. The hurricane of tears is flooding your eyes again and you hold onto Frank’s wrists to try and anchor yourself down.

He places his forehead against yours, closing his eyes and taking deep breaths of your scent.

Vanilla and jasmine.

Always vanilla and jasmine.

Frank hears you mumble something, something that he hopes was real but was too clouded for him to actually decipher.

“What?” He asks you, his eyes opening to meet yours.

You take a deep breath, “I said I love you.”

Imaginary fireworks explode in Frank’s head and a warm feeling floods his body. He’s on cloud nine, and only acting on impulse, but he knows it was the right choice when he brings your lips to his.

Your lips work in sync, taking each other in and holding one another like it was the last time. You wrap your arms around Frank’s neck and he brings your body into his lap, his hands running up and down your figure before settling on your hips.

The kiss is needy and desperate, and if it were possible you were never separate from him. It wasn’t the first time you’ve ever kissed Frank, but this one was certainly the best.

You both separate reluctantly, your foreheads still touching and you both breathe out, your breaths mingling with one another.

In the eye of the hurricane, everything seems to come into perspective. All choices, all statements, all actions seem purposeful. It’s an incredibly humbling experience. It’s when you find that every insurmountable problem, has a solution; Every confusing detail, comes into focus; Every miniscule item, shows its massive weight.

It’s where Frank realizes he can’t live without you.

It’s where Frank realizes, you are the only one he needs.

In this whirlwind of emotions, Frank find his single moment of clarity and a decision presents itself. A decision he doesn’t regret, a decision that only made sense to him.

“Marry me.”

And in your moment, you realized that there was only one clear answer.

“Yes.”

He’s your eye of the hurricane. You’ll endure any storm if it means he’s there.

And you won’t regret a single moment.

tag list:

@imamotherfuckingstar-lord

[wordsaremybestfriends]

Didn’t Ask For This: Chapter 2

Hey friends! Here’s a chapter as long as my current list of responsibilities that I am always avoiding. Hope you enjoy!

Warnings: Cursing, child abuse, vocal abuse, violence, *TELL ME IF YOU FIND ANYTHING ELSE*

**something went wonky when i copied and pasted it here, so i apologize in advance for any errors!

The sound of a key scratching it’s way into the lock instantly perked Dustin up. His sister’s mostly exhausted form slumped through the front door, her characteristic purple and gray cardigan slightly falling off her shoulders, and her bag dragging behind her. The jeans she was wearing were smeared with ink and her brunette curls were mostly falling out of her bun atop her head. With a tired sigh, she noticed Dustin sitting on the couch, obviously waiting for her return home. A groan escaped her lips as she shuffled inside, locking the door behind her. “Dusty, it’s midnight. You should be in bed, you’ve got school tomorrow.” 

“I know, I know, but Em, I found something while I was out trick-or-treating-”

“How was that?” She asked, a smile on her face. She let her exhausted body slip onto the couch beside him, tossing her feet onto his lap. “Did you get a lot of three musketeers?”

He shook his head, the curls bouncing atop his head. “Yes, but that’s besides the point! I found something in the trash, and I don’t know what it is, and I want you to help me!” 

Emma rolled her eyes. “Dustin, I just spent six hours in a silent library reading about the left and right brain. My fingers are covered with glue from trying to repair old books, and I think my head might explode in the next five minutes if I don’t take a shower and sleep. Can’t it wait till the morning?”

“You are not going to want to wait until morning,” Her younger brother said, tossing her feet away to stand off the couch. “Please Emma, it’ll only take five minutes!”

Her brown eyes locked on her brother’s, and instead of the typical toothless smile he had mostly grown up with, his eyes were sad and lip jutted out. The pure pitiful look of him was enough to make Emma’s heart fall. He was her weakness, and he knew it.

“Well…” She murmured. “Let me shower first, okay? I smell like Mrs. White’s old perfume.”

“Perfect!” The boy almost shouted as he ran into his room, slamming the door shut. It was a miracle their mother hadn’t woken up yet, but Emma could do without her mother’s prying questions tonight. 

Only twenty minutes had passed before Emma emerged from the bathroom, hair clean and skin moisturized. She wore an oversized shirt from a thrift store run a few months ago, with a pair of long pajama pants. With her rambunctious brunette waves tied in a bun atop her head, she knocked on Dustin’s door quietly. 

As soon as the door opened, her younger brother started spouting out words like ‘amphibian’ and ‘reptilian’, latching his mostly sweaty hand onto his older sister’s arm, pulling her through the doorway, and straight into his bedroom, where his terrarium was empty, the turtle he had taken care of missing. Instead, a small, slug-like creature was in it’s place, hiding underneath a small overhang of fake rock. An empty three musketeers was a few inches in front of him, void of any crumbs. 

It didn’t look normal, with it’s odd, closed-flower like face and slippery body. There were no eyes on it’s body, and though it was only a few inches big, it seemed to be ferociously upset by Emma’s presence. 

“Where the hell did you find this??” She asked, pressing her face to the glass, the slug-like creature hissing and growling at her. “It looks insanely different than anything in Hawkins, or North America-” “Or Africa, or Europe!” Dustin exclaimed, pulling out an old book on different reptiles that he had stolen from Emma’s bookshelf. “I’ve already looked up a dozen different kinds of species, and Dart doesn’t match any of them.”

“You named him Dart?” Emma deadpanned, studying the hissing creature silently. “I feel like he looks more like a Jeffrey, to be honest.”

Dustin frowned, rolling his eyes. “When you find a new species, you can name them whatever you want.” 

He approached the glass, catching the small creature’s attention. It instantly calmed, and cooed quietly. The heat lamp had been turned off and shrouded the entire glass tank in darkness. Gently, Dustin reached in to grab him. Emma’s hand shot out, stopping him instead, a frightened look in her eyes. “Dusty, we don’t know what this even is! We shouldn’t be touching it, let alone trying to keep it in this tank!”

“It’s fine,” Her brother replied, reaching in the last few inches and gently picking up the slug, still cooing quietly. “He likes me, cause I rescued him. And he likes nougat, so that’s cool.”

Without the glass barrier, Emma looked at the creature, it’s slimy skin reminiscent of a certain being that she hadn’t seen in about a year. The curiously flower-like head of the slug was opened slightly, and a fear started to grow in the pit of her stomach as she noticed the similarities of the gray, green and brown being.

“You know, it kinda looks like a demogorgon…” She murmured, staring a bit closer at the slug that was relaxing easily in her brother’s palm. “I mean, a baby one, but still.”

“There are no more demogorgons, Em,” He said with a roll of his eyes. “El took them back to the upside down when she left us.” 

“I don’t know!” She shrugged, straightening her back. “It doesn’t look like a regular animal from here, it looks… different.”

The two fell into a shared silence, watching the slug breathe slowly, until Dustin slowly pushed it off his hand and back into the tank, and replaced the lid. Emma watched him warily as he washed his hands, and started to put away some of the books he borrowed, until a thought came to her mind. 

“We never really know what’s going on in that lab anymore,” Emma mumbled as she gazed at the slug. “I mean, if they’re trying to go back in there…” 

The siblings shared a look of unease as the October winds blew outside, sounding more like a howl than a scream now. The story that had started last year might have ended back then, but both knew that there was a deeper idea, a stronger plan in the works, and the sheer thought of it starting over again brought a new gloom upon their small town. And not just a frightening one this time. It was an evil one. 

The silent alarm Emma woke to the next morning was somehow the start to one of the worst four hours past her usual morning, bringing her awake to the bright red number of 10:45.

“Shit, shit, shit!!!” She screeched through the empty house, as she jolted herself out of bed, murmuring quickly to herself. 

Thanks to her exhaustion last night from the library and Dustin’s new pet, her fingers had accidentally forgot to press the button that would set off her alarm. She had slept straight through two class, and about half of third period. If she hurried, she might just make it by the tail end of class, able to disappear into the fray of students trying to make it to class on time. With her scooter, she’d be able to make it to school quick enough and head straight to the office, if she didn’t get pulled over by Hopper because she was trying to rival the speed of light instead of following the speed limit.

Her hair was wildly untamed, half in a bun on the top of her head and half falling out against her neck. She wore a grey top and a pair of tight jeans, throwing on a cardigan and jacket over the top before rushing to the kitchen to grab the lunch her mother had made, and straight out the door. 

Thankfully, the janitors were cleaning up the glass at the front entrance, and she could easily bolt through the doors like a bullet, headed straight for her locker. She had already missed calculus and government and politics as well as trigonometry. If she hurried, she could make it to English only a little bit late, even though Mr. Murphy loved her work no matter what. 

“Lady Macbeth makes everything go wrong,” She murmured to herself as she jogged through the halls, her locker close. “Then Lord Macbeth went to go duel the guy and he lost, so they lost everything, and basically it’s…”

Her words trailed off as she found Steve Harrington, the king of the school and head of the popular crowd, pushing his newest flavor of the week against her locker, a blonde girl a few inches taller than Emma, with a shirt barely long enough to cover her ass, and enough Lip-Smackers stuck in her pocket to qualify as a shareholder. It was Natalie Green, a sophomore who had gone starry eyed for Steve since the first day of school. She’d heard through the grapevine that the two were hooking up, though it didn’t matter much to her. Their utterly revolting snogging was an even worse beginning to her day. His hands were God knows where, and another pair were on his ass, fingers delicately slipping through the jean waistband.

 She wanted to vomit. 

“Hey!” She yelled, and suddenly, the two figures darted away from each other. 

Of course, except for the fact that Steve’s hand had still been stuck up the girl’s shirt, gripping her overly padded bra with eyes wide in embarrassment. 

“Fuck,” Steve said, pulling his hand out of the powder pink shirt and wiping it against his own jeans. His cheeks were bright pink, and lips swollen, but Emma wasn’t sure if it was from the kissing or the strawberry-flavored lip gloss that was all over their faces. Natalie wasn’t much better, pale face holding at least six different shades of scarlet as she tried to quell her breathing. 

“You couldn’t have gone to the library?” Emma asked aloud as she went to open her locker, shaking her head. “Or like, wait 45 minutes until class let out and you wouldn’t have to skip to see each other?” 

“Well,” The high pitched squeak of Natalie replied. Without turning her head, she knew that she was wearing a smug lip on her face, ‘fuck me’ eyes still wide and trained on Steve. “When you have a guy like Steve, you better make the most of your time. Right, sweetheart?” Steve waved her off. His voice was bored as he replied. “She’s right. You should get back to Chemistry.” “It’s Home Ec,” She amended, shrugging her shoulders. “But I’ll let that slide until lunchtime, baby.” She blew him a sticky, sloppy kiss from her hand before hopping off down the hallway, and out of sight as Emma rummaged through her locker, looking for her copy of Macbeth. 

“God, I can not thank you enough, Henderson,” Steve murmured, picking his shirt up to wipe away the lip gloss smears and spit across his face. His foul face tried to hastily swipe his face clean, then going to arrange the rest of his outfit. “I wasn’t sure if I could make it another five minutes with her on me.” 

“But you wanted to date her,” Emma pointed out in a monotone voice. 

His brown eyes were narrowed as he hastily sputtered out his words. “But, I just, I didn’t know she was so, so-”

“Clingy?” Emma suggested as she tossed her lunch inside the locker. “Attached? Bonded?” 

“When you say it like that,” Steve began, a sheepish grin beginning to grow on his face. “It kinda makes me sound like a bad person.” 

For a mere second, the girl pulled her head out of her locker to stare back at him, eyebrow raised. “That’s exactly what I’m trying to say, idiot.” 

Steve pinned his eyebrows down, crossing his arms as he leaned against the lockers, glaring right at Emma with a sour expression on his face. “I’m not a bad person, Henderson. I went out on a date with her, right?”

She tried not to laugh as she shook her head in her locker. It was rich to think that the ‘king of the school’ didn’t realize how much of a complete dick he had grown to become. If you were breathing, had boobs, decent looks, and you attended any school in Hawkins, Steve Harrington was sure to pass through your radar at one point. He was the biggest womanizer in school, known for going on one or two dates with a girl before calling it quits. There was never a real period of time that she knew he was single, and since his longest relationship only lasted about a week and a half, it was safe to say he was known quite well by many girls in Hawkins. It was somewhat disturbing how many girls came to Emma to vent about the boy, as if they wanted her to do something about it. It was even more disturbing to think of the boy that they always complained about was trying to have a real conversation with her about girls and the ‘woes of dating a bad kisser’. 

“I would bet ten dollars you didn’t plan for that relationship to go anywhere else than where it did after the first date,” She smirked. “You’ve got a serious track record to not notice that.”

Emma slammed her locker shut, and began walking down the hall, Steve hot on her trail. “You’re kidding me, right? I’ve never led a girl to think I actually wanted a relationship with her!”

The teenaged girl slowed her sneakers, pausing in her walk to turn back and almost laugh at the pathetic popular boy behind her. “Really?” 

“Really!” Steve exclaimed, shaking his head. He looked like a mother, arms crossed and an skeptical look on his face. “I have never done that!” 

“Harrington, you do that with every girl you’ve ever gotten to fall under your spell,” Emma said slowly, making sure that the boy understood every word he said. “Almost every single girl you’ve dated has found me, three days after you tell her that you’re ‘not looking to get tied down’ in tears because they thought that just maybe, this time they could be the one for the magnificent, magical Steve Harrington.”

His face was stony, eyes still connected with Emma. He was more of a statue in the middle of the hallway than a teenage boy, being told that the legacy he’s led throughout his entire high school career was really tormenting the young girls around him with his dating habits. Words were trying to find their way to his mouth as the girl sighed and began to walk farther down the hall towards Calculus. She was tired of entertaining Steve and trying to make him see his mistakes when he was supposed to be in whatever class he had.

 She didn’t look back as she left the boy, deep in thought, and turned her attention to her academics instead of the perils of a socially blinded popular boy.

TAG LIST: @lillie-writes @luv2reade16 @kararanae23

[cosmicallybrownie]

ashes to ashes

pairing: Natan

warnings: swearing, food mention, blood mention, death mention

word count: 2000

Lucifer’s thoughts during the diner scene.

Her eyes were hollow.

He could count the pulses of fear rolling through her with every flutter of her eyelashes. The fraction of a second that it took to blink was the only thing separating Lucifer from Natalie’s seeking gaze that wanted to ask so many questions. Uncertainty arrested her tongue and the blinks only added up to selfish portions of time that weren’t enough for Lucifer’s shoulders to relax.

The hum of the diner around him was a quiet cacophony that raked against the tight skin of his back. Rattling silverware and the static from an old jukebox that still ran on dimes snaked down his spine, pressing whispers of tension into the muscles that strained under his sorrow.

Natalie was wrong.

His forearms stuck to the lacquered wooden table, sticky from the residue of something that came before. The heavy clear coat formed thick droplets in the seams of the wood, and bore divets and nicks from years of constant use and heavy plates. He traced a finger along a curve that lead into the deepest cut of all, practically bifurcating the table in its efficiency.

He had never felt so separated from her. He would almost prefer he was still tethered to Hell.

The screams would be easier to deal with than the polite mill of chatter and scrape of old pans against the iron stoves.

(And he would still be connected to Natalie by a contract. By the thin golden chain linking their souls into eternity.)

Her hands were tucked into her lap, and she was shrinking. She folded in on herself, her watery eyes shifting in and out of focus as she tried to look at everything but him, while still studying him. A storybook character brought to life, frighteningly handsome and striking in a way that made her doubt every warning blaring across her vision. Natalie looked every part of the sacrificial lamb brought before him as an offering, and Lucifer leaned his cheek against his palm to look at her.

His acute hearing flushed out the resounding chorus of a dated song, and he could hear Natalie’s stomach whine with hunger, and annoyance flared up in him, sudden and sharp enough for him to break the silence.

“For the love of God, if you don’t eat something today I’m going to have to force feed you.” Frustration tinged with worry burned on his tongue like the spices he had only tasted once in the garden. He’d helped create them, sampling incensed leaves that were drowning in decadence. “It’s been three days.”

“I’m sorry,” She apologized, looking away. Looking anywhere but at him, afraid of what she might discover. “I’m just not hungry…”

It was a lie, he could read the hunger clawing at the edges of her mouth easily. Her expressions hadn’t changed, she still wore each emotion like a winter coat, shrugging in and out of them as she struggled to ward off the cold. Lucifer could recognize each one, marble carvings of her joys and sorrows lining the halls of his mind where she had imprinted herself in him over days and months and heartbeats.

“You’re not eating either,” Natalie interrupted his thoughts, bringing Lucifer back to the present and aware of the tug of exhaustion lingering in his joints.

“I don’t need to eat. I get a free pass.” The words were hardly more than air and he dropped both of his hands to the table. Dried blood was still crusted under his fingertips, Lucifer wasn’t sure who it belonged to. He fought the urge to hide his hands under the table, to hide from this Natalie, her accusation still ringing in his ears like lashes on his back.

Monster. Monster. Monster.

  Her eyes met his then, searching for answers to questions she was afraid to ask, “What do you mean you don’t need to eat?”

Lucifer gripped the edge of the table then, carefully keeping the grit out of his words. “Exactly what it sounds like.” His jaw clenched in annoyance, muscles tight with tension jumping when he spoke. “So just hurry up and eat your sandwich so we can get outta this shithole.”

She sucked her bottom lip between her teeth, nervous. She didn’t want to say the thoughts playing through her head then, and she glanced away from Lucifer, her eyes fixing on a waitress arranging straws in a cup, her body too weary for the retro uniform.

“I’m tired of walking.” Natalie said at last, the admission weighing on her in a way that wouldn’t if she knew what he would give for her, the lengths he would go. “Can’t we take a car or bus or something?”

He sat back carefully in the booth, his expression one of practiced calm, “If you eat something, I’ll consider it.”

Of course, he wanted to say, but he couldn’t afford promises now, they were too precious of a commodity to be wasted on transportation when the heavy weight of finding her soul pressed down on him like the ache of gravity. They would get nowhere fast, especially now that his back bore the shrieking stress of nothing.

He hadn’t understood the weight of his wings until they were stripped away like time. He felt centuries of fatigue seep into the pits his wings used to occupy, luring him into a fever pitch of urgency.

But he made no promises.

Instead he watched as Natalie’s eyes glazed over, and a momentary flash of fear shocked across the green when she looked down at the sandwich that was getting soggy from neglect.

“…what’s that look for? It’s not poisoned.” The attempt of a joke fell flat before he even said it, and he bit the side of his cheek waiting for her response. He could hear the tap of his heel against the floor, and he counted the raps until Natalie finally spoke.

“I just….this feels familiar.” She kept her eyes turned downwards, almost questioning herself until she finally met his gaze. “Are you sure we’ve never done this before?”

“Had dinner at a diner in the valley? Yeah, I’m sure. Stop stalling and eat.” His response was short, and he just wanted to get out, to flee from this place that was boringly neutral and knew too little of the burdens he carried alone. The voices filling the diner grated against his forming headache, and Lucifer could feel the swell of it begin in his temples, beating in time with his heartbeat when he clenched his jaw.

Her shoulders turned in on themselves to shrink away, to shrink away from him. In her eyes he was nothing short of the monster from fairy tales, stealing her away and hiding secrets that tugged the memories from her lungs. When she swallowed, she could still feel the catch of something in her throat. Something she could not name, but it burned to think about, as if she was fragmented and shredded from the inside out, leaving her raw and empty and so damningly afraid.

She blinked carefully at him, “…..But being a kidnapper, I thought – “

Monster. Kidnapper.

The words crawled down Lucifer’s spine like hot coals and the anger curled his fists too quickly for him to staunch the fury that slammed his fist against the table. It rattled under the impact, the sound chasing away curiosity as their booth was shrouded in choking shadows. She was blind, blind and empty and he couldn’t stand it.

In her eyes was nothing. Not a glimmer of her former self shone through now-Natalie’s sunken December eyes as she looked at him. No spark of recognition that always burned him into a flame, and the stirrings of something like undeserved affection were gone, everything soft was gone and replaced with ice that made his fingertips run cold. He was sure if he touched her, his fingertips would crumble away into ashes.

“Don’t call me that!” His voice was low and sharp with intensity. Pain hung off each syllable, coating his words in the shielded agony he pretended he didn’t feel. “I already told you that’s not what this is. I’m trying to help you remember, Natalie. Bear with it a few more days and I promise you’ll be back to normal.”

Normal. She was torn from him like the wings on his back, and it ached like an open wound, the infection of it creeping through his veins like a poison tailored to him. It would kill him just slow enough that he would consider taking a knife in his own hands, if only to silence the prolonged anguish and put an end to the sleepless nights of fever and misery.

Normal. She was too cold, an ice storm in April that stung like only the desolation of white could. Each time she glanced at him was like a brush of winter, sticking his teeth together and letting frozen wind pool in his lungs so they could no longer expand and he would suffocate around mouthfuls of air.

“You aren’t supposed to hate me. You – I –“ Lucifer choked on the words, his tongue trying to spill out secrets that he wasn’t ready to share. He gasped under his own words, his chest heaving up and down rapidly as fell back down from the sky and into the present.  

She wasn’t supposed to hate him. She had spoken love to him on the bus, on the coast, and in countless smiles and touches between the first drop of blood she shed for him and her death. Sick and on the inching slope to her end she still spoke in gentle tones of love, and in the streams of blood running from his carved out wings, he finally responded.

Love ran through his veins, thick and hot like blood and he wouldn’t dare spill it for the coldness in front of him. He didn’t want to talk to her. No, not this hollow version of Natalie who stared at him like he was the one to tear her open and toss her spirit into the wind.

Back to normal.

Lucifer could feel the elasticity in his lungs crackle when he sighed, “You know what? You don’t need to worry about any of this. Relax and let me handle it, okay?” His whole body was held tight on a metal wire, and it creaked when he bent forward to rub his forehead, “Jeez, do I have a headache.”

He would fix this. He had no other choice. There was no living without her, not anymore. Not when she had sold her soul to free him from the chains of Hell, and he sent her right into its open arms.

Natalie excused herself to the restroom and he slumped onto the table, the pounding behind his eyes growing to a crescendo as loose thoughts rolled around in his mind like cats eye marbles.

The hunt would begin, and he had no heed to care if it turned bloody. He would burn down towns and cities in search of Death, tearing himself into shattered pieces until her soul returned to her body and he could lay down at her feet and beg for forgiveness. Winter would flee from her bones and the press of his lips to hers would erase the word Monster so all that existed in her would be love and fire. The scars of broken plans would fade from their skin, the absence of wings turning to summer as he wrapped himself in the humid sticky love that Natalie offered so freely.

She had carved her name into his bones, and he couldn’t breathe without feeling the kiss of Natalie against his lungs. Her life would be a part of him, her name seared into his very being until the days tumbled into ashes and stardust, and he would stand amongst it all, putting her back together a piece of himself at a time. There would be no room for error, and even less for uncertainty, but Lucifer swore Natalie would wake before morning did.

[stevedonnellyfaith-blog]

The Little Lawyer (Post 84) 4-15-15

                        I have been shrugging off Natalie’s questions about the Girl Scouts all week.  She has a pit bull’s tenacity with regard to unanswered questions so I know that although I currently have stalemated the conversation’s progress, I have by no means ended the discussion.  No case is ever closed with her until she has received an answer that she considers definitive. Sometimes my father and I plead the fifth when we are the subject to one of her question barrages.  While Natalie does not respect our Constitutional protection against self-incrimination, she has not, as of yet, developed a counter against our invocation of the Decalogue’s 5th tenet that requires that she honor her elders. The Fifth Commandment serves as a nuclear option against incessant interrogation at least for the moment.

It has been a week of setting up boundaries and ground rules for our temporary household of five.  My folks and Natalie had developed standard procedures and daily norms that served them well for nearly a year.  Natalie’s grades have been very good, she reads quite a bit and she helps run errands about the house for her grandfather who does not move as well as he should on his two creaky titanium knees.  Having Stephen and I join in and round out their triangle into a family circle has jumbled about their idyllic relationship.  Natalie would very much like for there to be but one definitive parental voice, but she will remain as one little lackey of a three chief tribe for the foreseeable future.  It is also important that she sees me treat my parents with the same respect that I demand she continues to show them herself.

Respect for my parents is the chief reason why I am avoiding discussing the Girl Scouts with my daughter.  While she is old enough for Pro-Life discussions, she tends to simplify and amplify my views and berate her grandparents with them.  For instance, when I explained to Natalie that I don’t drink Starbucks coffee because they donate to Planned Parenthood, she warned my mother off of a Venti Latte telling her that Starbucks kills babies. Her ability to distill all nuance out of what I have told her makes me wonder about whether she will indeed one day be a lawyer, as my father predicts.  Sometimes I think she is better suited to host a cable news show instead.

On my last trip out to Cleveland I spent about a half hour with my mother explaining to her that I had not told my daughter that Cold Stone or Home Depot are abortion mills, but rather that they corporately donate to Planned Parenthood which is America’s largest provider of abortion services.  Natalie attaches the title of “baby killers” to each of those companies, but I do not. Truth was paramount to Jesus and so I try to let it be good enough for me as well.  I know Jesus exaggerated for teaching effect, spoke figuratively and made extreme statements to clarify His teaching, but He didn’t fudge the facts to score points in an argument.  

While purveying provocation and propaganda has taken the place of discussion and honest debate in our culture, I would rather not have Natalie denigrate and harangue her cousins who are currently earning merit badges and selling Thin Mints as generations of young women have in American Society.  While I no longer support Girl Scouts, neither do I condemn them.  As an organization, they do much that is good. Personally, though, I am for no Planned Parenthood none of the time.  

With their help, our country is fifty million citizens short and counting.  If each of the surgeries responsible for this demographic donut hole has cost on average $1,000, then the abortion industry has made billions of dollars through these operations.  Because the abortion heavy-weights like Planned Parenthood operate as Non-Profits, it is a surety that there are individuals siphoning off boodles of greenbacks from this “philanthropic” endeavor.  Pro-choice proponents used to rally behind the slogan:  “Safe but Rare.”  You don’t hear much of that talk from them these days.

Natalie will never be a Brownie or Girl Scout, though. It makes me sad because it was fun to watch Pam get inconvenienced into hikes and overnights with Abby in a similar rigmarole to what I tolerated with the boys.  I guess I could investigate whether the Camp Fire Girls also partner with Planned Parenthood.  I probably won’t have the time to participate in that club or Indian Guides, if either of those two institutions still exist.   If any of these groups espoused a moral code that is consistent with Catholic teaching, surely the American Bishops would be recommending one of them.  I tend to think that they are gone or have been compromised, because there are no news people attacking anyone but the Boy Scouts. It seems that any entity that refuses to kowtow to the minions of the Sex and Death Cultures becomes an immediate media target.  Even pizza parlors and small business with net annual sales of under $100,000 are now subject to national scrutiny.  I don’t think any liberal news reporters will want a piece of Natalie, though, she would be on them like a tsunami.

We live in interesting times as parents.  Certainly we should arm our kids with knowledge, a requirement that necessitates we study our own faith first.  Failing to do either almost assures us that our children will struggle and lose arguments in a way that might endanger their belief in the Magisterium or ultimately their salvation.  Probably the majority of young adult Catholics would not be able to meaningfully articulate the Church’s teaching on many of the subjects that have become so controversial in our society recently.  Few parishes offer as many forums and avenues to learn about Catholic teaching as IHM does.  Even at good parishes a low percentage of adult parishioners avail themselves of even the best opportunities to grown in their faith.  No one can pass on knowledge and faith to their children unless they have cultivated that knowledge and faith in themselves.  The Old Testament is replete with stories of the Jewish people wandering away from God due the failure of generational transfer of the faith that Moses adamantly prescribed in his last address to the tribes.

Like the Jews, American society has suffered a generational gap in teaching the faith.  The current moral misconception where “up” has been renamed “down” and “down” has been rebranded as “up” through the powers of superior marketing is just a new reprise of the old story of Babel, Sodom and Meribah.  Remember that within generations of our Lord’s crucifixion, millions of polytheists had converted to Christianity because of their attraction to the God of Mercy who allowed even the worst sinners to achieve salvation.  The mass conversion of ten million Mexicans within the lifetime of Juan Diego was another miraculous testimony to the power of God’s Mercy versus the bloody Aztec alternative. We recognized and celebrated this heritage of God’s Divine Mercy last Sunday. Still, conversely, an increasing number of Americans are rejecting the Church, because people feel that our God is too judgmental.  Certainly, our real sins are very very actual and horrific.  It would not make any logical sense for the Creator of the Universe to allow Himself to be nailed to the cross to expiate minor infractions that might actually be morally relatively acceptable all things considered.

Yes, it remains our solemn duty to pass the legacy of God’s mercy to our millennial children who are treating the great gift like it has the aroma of Brussels sprouts.  How do we accomplish this task? I have no idea; my plan is to wait a few years and ask Natalie.  She will probably have a convincing strategy all mapped out by then.

[un-enfant-immature]

Users complain of account hacks, but OkCupid denies a data breach

It’s bad enough that dating sites are a pit of exaggerations and inevitable disappointment, they’re also a hot target for hackers.

Dating sites aren’t considered the goldmine of personal information like banks or hospitals, but they’re still an intimate part of millions of people’s lives and have long been in the sights of hackers. If the hackers aren’t hitting the back-end database like with the AdultFriendFinder, Ashley Madison, and Zoosk breaches, the hackers are trying break in through the front door with leaked or guessed passwords.

That’s what appears to be happening with some OkCupid accounts.

A reader contacted TechCrunch after his account was hacked. The reader, who did not want to be named, said the hacker broke in and changed his password, locking him out of his account. Worse, they changed his email address on file, preventing him from resetting his password.

OkCupid didn’t send an email to confirm the address change — it just blindly accepted the change.

“Unfortunately, we’re not able to provide any details about accounts not connected to your email address,” said OkCupid’s customer service in response to his complaint, which he forwarded to TechCrunch. Then, the hacker started harassing him strange text messages from his phone number that was lifted from one of his private messages.

It wasn’t an isolated case. We found several cases of people saying their OkCupid account had been hacked.

Another user we spoke to eventually got his account back. “It was quite the battle,” he said. “It was two days of constant damage control until [OkCupid] finally reset the password for me.”

Other users we spoke to had better luck than others in getting their accounts back. One person didn’t bother, he said. Even disabled accounts can be re-enabled if a hacker logs in, some users found.

But several users couldn’t explain how their passwords — unique to OkCupid and not used on any other app or site — were inexplicably obtained.

“There has been no security breach at OkCupid,” said Natalie Sawyer, a spokesperson for OkCupid. “All websites constantly experience account takeover attempts. There has been no increase in account takeovers on OkCupid.”

Even on OkCupid’s own support pages, the company says that account takeovers often happen because someone has an account owner’s login information. “If you use the same password on several different sites or services, then your accounts on all of them have the potential to be taken over if one site has a security breach,” says the support page.

That’s describes credential stuffing, a technique of running a vast lists of usernames and passwords against a website to see if a combination lets the hacker in. The easiest, most effective way against credential stuffing is for the user to use a unique password on each site. For companies like OkCupid, the other effective blocker is by allowing users to switch on two-factor authentication.

When asked how OkCupid plans to prevent account hacks in the future, the spokesperson said the company had “no further comment.”

In fact, when we checked, OkCupid was just one of many major dating sites — like Match, PlentyOfFish, Zoosk, Badoo, JDate, and eHarmony — that didn’t use two-factor authentication at all.

As if dating wasn’t tough enough at the best of times, now you have to defend yourself from hackers.

Cybersecurity 101: Five simple security guides for protecting your privacy

[courtneytincher]

Hong Kong Tempts China’s Ire as Protests Take More Violent Turn

(Bloomberg) -- From stick-wielding mobs who attacked activists to one pro-independence group accused of stockpiling explosives, the latest unrest in Hong Kong has prompted new fears that protesters and the China-backed government are heading toward a violent confrontation.In one case, Hong Kong residents -- many wearing the black shirts favored by protesters -- were attacked in a train station near the mainland border by groups of men wearing white shirts. In a separate episode, police arrested three men after finding volatile explosives and separatist campaign material in a raid on an industrial area. Elsewhere, police fired tear gas at protesters who had surrounded China’s local government headquarters, defaced the national emblem, declared a provisional legislature and spray-painted the exterior with slogans like “Liberate Hong Kong” and “Revolution of our time.” The incidents were part of the seventh-straight weekend of protests in the former British colony, and illustrate the fact that there is no simple solution to the ongoing political chaos. On Sunday, a peaceful rally of more than 100,000 people devolved into running street battles on opposite sides of the city, and violence continuing to spread into outlying areas. The developments not only increased the risk that bystanders could be swept into the escalating political disputes, they drew the harshest warnings yet from Beijing, which said that protesters were testing its “bottom line.” U.S. President Donald Trump on Monday noted that Chinese authorities could stop the protests “if they wanted,” and praised counterpart Xi Jinping for acting “responsibly, very responsibly” so far. “It’s definitely a turning point in Hong Kong politics and history,” said Alvin Yeung, an opposition lawmaker who heads the city’s Civic Party. Yeung noted that Hong Kong, despite years of dissent over Beijing’s rule, was one of Asia’s safest big cities. “Last night was an exception. And that’s why it’s so shocking. It’s completely out of control,” he said.The events showed that positions are hardening on both sides as the city’s embattled leader, Chief Executive Carrie Lam, resists calls to resign despite protests exceeding 1 million participants. What began as a largely leaderless effort to block legislation allowing extraditions to the mainland has expanded into a list of demands including investigations into police tactics to a direct vote to replace Lam.With more rallies planned for as early as this weekend, and little sign that either side will accede to the others’ demands, activists and government supporters alike have been warning that the further unrest could lead to ever greater injuries. A handful of suicides by protesters in recent weeks have already added life-and-death stakes to the debate.The financial hub is also starting to grapple with the economic cost of continued unrest, which risks keeping local shoppers away and deterring mainland visitors. Last week, police clashed with protesters inside a shopping mall in suburban Sha Tin.The attacks Sunday on passengers and bystanders at a train station in Yuen Long by unidentified groups of men further raised alarm that the unrest could begin to effect regular people. “Clashes might be expected during a protest, but no one expected the elderly, children, pregnant women and former news reporter that had not joined the protest, might be attacked by pro-Beijing gangs,” democracy advocate Joshua Wong told Bloomberg News.The Hong Kong General Chamber of Commerce, which says it represents businesses employing a third of the local workforce, called for a formal withdrawal of the extradition bill and the setup of a commission of inquiry to examine the facts surrounding the ongoing tensions and their escalation.“Protests are becoming increasingly confrontational while factions are being created that pit citizen against citizen,” the chamber said in a statement on Monday. “The situation is also raising concerns in Hong Kong and internationally about our commitment to the basic law and the rule of law.”Lam’s efforts to resolve the crisis, including declaring the extradition bill “dead,” have so far only prompted further protests. At a news conference Monday, she condemned the vandalism at the Liaison Office while promising to investigate the attacks on activists, warning that “the whole of Hong Kong and its people will suffer as a result of the loss of order.” The police later said they arrested six men, age 24 to 54, in connection with the Yuen Long attacks. The South China Morning Post newspaper reported last week that Chinese officials in charge of Hong Kong were working to present leaders with a comprehensive strategy to resolve the crisis. Authorities have ruled out any military intervention and saw the police as key to maintaining stability and exposing the intentions of protesters, the newspaper reported, citing people familiar with the discussions.China’s PresenceA broader solution appears increasingly out of reach as protesters turn their ire from the local government to China. Xi has warned that challenges to Beijing’s sovereignty over Hong Kong won’t be tolerated and efforts to allow direct elections have been stalled since pro-democracy lawmakers blocked Beijing’s proposed system for choosing candidates in 2015. Demonstrators ransacked the city’s legislature building on July 1, the anniversary of its return to Chinese rule.Protesters risked further provoking Xi by bringing the chaos directly to the doorstep of Communist Party authority in Hong Kong, the central government Liaison Office. Riot police pursued the protesters past high rises and across highways to outside the ferry terminal, where they fired tear gas after some activists hurled projectiles.China’s top representative in the city, Wang Zhimin, denounced the protesters’ acts as “villainous and wicked” in a news briefing. The party’s flagship People’s Daily warned in an editorial Monday that protesters at the liaison office “openly challenged the authority of the central government.”Some lawmakers warned that the growing focus on Beijing risked jeopardizing the delicate framework that have allowed Hong Kong to exist as a pocket of free expression and free markets in China.“The violent attacks on the liaison office have gone way beyond the protests against the rendition bill,” said Regina Ip, a pro-Beijing lawmaker and member of Lam’s Executive Council. “These rebels must stop these provocative actions, which will seriously damage the relationship between the central government and Hong Kong.”(Updates with Donald Trump comment in fifth paragraph.)\--With assistance from Natalie Lung, Kari Lindberg, Ben Sharples, Fion Li and Josh Wingrove.To contact the reporter on this story: Iain Marlow in Hong Kong at imarlow1@bloomberg.netTo contact the editors responsible for this story: Brendan Scott at bscott66@bloomberg.net, Karen LeighFor more articles like this, please visit us at bloomberg.com©2019 Bloomberg L.P.

from Yahoo News - Latest News & Headlines

(Bloomberg) -- From stick-wielding mobs who attacked activists to one pro-independence group accused of stockpiling explosives, the latest unrest in Hong Kong has prompted new fears that protesters and the China-backed government are heading toward a violent confrontation.In one case, Hong Kong residents -- many wearing the black shirts favored by protesters -- were attacked in a train station near the mainland border by groups of men wearing white shirts. In a separate episode, police arrested three men after finding volatile explosives and separatist campaign material in a raid on an industrial area. Elsewhere, police fired tear gas at protesters who had surrounded China’s local government headquarters, defaced the national emblem, declared a provisional legislature and spray-painted the exterior with slogans like “Liberate Hong Kong” and “Revolution of our time.” The incidents were part of the seventh-straight weekend of protests in the former British colony, and illustrate the fact that there is no simple solution to the ongoing political chaos. On Sunday, a peaceful rally of more than 100,000 people devolved into running street battles on opposite sides of the city, and violence continuing to spread into outlying areas. The developments not only increased the risk that bystanders could be swept into the escalating political disputes, they drew the harshest warnings yet from Beijing, which said that protesters were testing its “bottom line.” U.S. President Donald Trump on Monday noted that Chinese authorities could stop the protests “if they wanted,” and praised counterpart Xi Jinping for acting “responsibly, very responsibly” so far. “It’s definitely a turning point in Hong Kong politics and history,” said Alvin Yeung, an opposition lawmaker who heads the city’s Civic Party. Yeung noted that Hong Kong, despite years of dissent over Beijing’s rule, was one of Asia’s safest big cities. “Last night was an exception. And that’s why it’s so shocking. It’s completely out of control,” he said.The events showed that positions are hardening on both sides as the city’s embattled leader, Chief Executive Carrie Lam, resists calls to resign despite protests exceeding 1 million participants. What began as a largely leaderless effort to block legislation allowing extraditions to the mainland has expanded into a list of demands including investigations into police tactics to a direct vote to replace Lam.With more rallies planned for as early as this weekend, and little sign that either side will accede to the others’ demands, activists and government supporters alike have been warning that the further unrest could lead to ever greater injuries. A handful of suicides by protesters in recent weeks have already added life-and-death stakes to the debate.The financial hub is also starting to grapple with the economic cost of continued unrest, which risks keeping local shoppers away and deterring mainland visitors. Last week, police clashed with protesters inside a shopping mall in suburban Sha Tin.The attacks Sunday on passengers and bystanders at a train station in Yuen Long by unidentified groups of men further raised alarm that the unrest could begin to effect regular people. “Clashes might be expected during a protest, but no one expected the elderly, children, pregnant women and former news reporter that had not joined the protest, might be attacked by pro-Beijing gangs,” democracy advocate Joshua Wong told Bloomberg News.The Hong Kong General Chamber of Commerce, which says it represents businesses employing a third of the local workforce, called for a formal withdrawal of the extradition bill and the setup of a commission of inquiry to examine the facts surrounding the ongoing tensions and their escalation.“Protests are becoming increasingly confrontational while factions are being created that pit citizen against citizen,” the chamber said in a statement on Monday. “The situation is also raising concerns in Hong Kong and internationally about our commitment to the basic law and the rule of law.”Lam’s efforts to resolve the crisis, including declaring the extradition bill “dead,” have so far only prompted further protests. At a news conference Monday, she condemned the vandalism at the Liaison Office while promising to investigate the attacks on activists, warning that “the whole of Hong Kong and its people will suffer as a result of the loss of order.” The police later said they arrested six men, age 24 to 54, in connection with the Yuen Long attacks. The South China Morning Post newspaper reported last week that Chinese officials in charge of Hong Kong were working to present leaders with a comprehensive strategy to resolve the crisis. Authorities have ruled out any military intervention and saw the police as key to maintaining stability and exposing the intentions of protesters, the newspaper reported, citing people familiar with the discussions.China’s PresenceA broader solution appears increasingly out of reach as protesters turn their ire from the local government to China. Xi has warned that challenges to Beijing’s sovereignty over Hong Kong won’t be tolerated and efforts to allow direct elections have been stalled since pro-democracy lawmakers blocked Beijing’s proposed system for choosing candidates in 2015. Demonstrators ransacked the city’s legislature building on July 1, the anniversary of its return to Chinese rule.Protesters risked further provoking Xi by bringing the chaos directly to the doorstep of Communist Party authority in Hong Kong, the central government Liaison Office. Riot police pursued the protesters past high rises and across highways to outside the ferry terminal, where they fired tear gas after some activists hurled projectiles.China’s top representative in the city, Wang Zhimin, denounced the protesters’ acts as “villainous and wicked” in a news briefing. The party’s flagship People’s Daily warned in an editorial Monday that protesters at the liaison office “openly challenged the authority of the central government.”Some lawmakers warned that the growing focus on Beijing risked jeopardizing the delicate framework that have allowed Hong Kong to exist as a pocket of free expression and free markets in China.“The violent attacks on the liaison office have gone way beyond the protests against the rendition bill,” said Regina Ip, a pro-Beijing lawmaker and member of Lam’s Executive Council. “These rebels must stop these provocative actions, which will seriously damage the relationship between the central government and Hong Kong.”(Updates with Donald Trump comment in fifth paragraph.)\--With assistance from Natalie Lung, Kari Lindberg, Ben Sharples, Fion Li and Josh Wingrove.To contact the reporter on this story: Iain Marlow in Hong Kong at imarlow1@bloomberg.netTo contact the editors responsible for this story: Brendan Scott at bscott66@bloomberg.net, Karen LeighFor more articles like this, please visit us at bloomberg.com©2019 Bloomberg L.P.

July 23, 2019 at 02:02AM via IFTTT

[psychotherapyconsultants]

How Writers Write About Heartbreaking Things and Care for Themselves in the Process

For more than 20 years, Mary Cregan wanted to write her recently published memoir The Scar: A Personal History of Depression and Recovery, but she felt that she couldn’t. It’s primarily because she wasn’t ready to face the exposure required to be so honest about such a devastating, difficult part of her life.

Because that’s the thing about writing: We let readers into our innermost thoughts and feelings, into our souls, and that can be scary.

We tackle topics we’d never bring up with a close friend, let alone a stranger, and yet that’s exactly what we do. We share our stories with thousands of strangers.

Writing about heartbreaking things and publishing that work makes the private very, very public, a process that we, of course, can’t reverse. This is especially difficult if you were taught to keep your stories to yourself, behind closed doors. As Cregan writes in The Scar, “In my large Irish Catholic family, the tacit understanding was that it was best not to draw attention to oneself.”

Nita Sweeney thought she was writing a memoir about running, but after many, many drafts realized that she was writing a memoir about how running saved her life—from depression, bipolar disorder, panic attacks, agoraphobia, and alcoholism.

“The fact that I’d gone from a woman who could barely walk around the block into a marathoner was important, but the real story was that I’d gone from a woman who wanted to kill herself into one who wants to live,” said Sweeney, whose forthcoming memoir Depression Hates a Moving Target: How Running with My Dog Brought Me Back from the Brink will be published mid May.

Mental health advocate and writer Hannah Blum regularly writes about her experiences living with bipolar disorder on her blog “I’m Bipolar Too” and her website Halfway2Hannah.com. While there are many parts of her story she’s not ready to share, writing about difficult things actually isn’t that difficult for her.

“Turning my pain into art gives power to any of the challenges I have faced throughout my life.”

“It’s when I am writing about the people I have met along my journey who were not given a chance because of their mental illness that I struggle to write about the most,” Blum said.

Author, mental health advocate, and Psych Central editor Therese Borchard has been writing online about her experiences with mental illness for many years (and before that she shared her story in her print column). But that doesn’t make sharing any easier.

“It’s extremely difficult to share the more personal posts. My index finger hovers over the publish button sometimes for an hour before I have the courage to press it,” Borchard said.

Why Write About Such Hard Things?

When a friend asked Cregan why on earth she’d want to revisit the worst days of her life—the death of her infant daughter, and her descent into a deep, unrelenting, suicidal depression—Cregan realized that it was because she’d spent decades trying to conceal that time. “…I wanted to turn to the past and face it squarely,” she writes in her memoir.

Cregan also wrote her story as a way to reject the stigma and shame surrounding mental illness. She wrote it for her younger self, and for the young women in her family who, too, live with depression.

“It is also for the countless people who find themselves struggling to cope with internal forces that feel overwhelming but—as I try to show in these pages—are survivable,” she writes.

She writes at the end of her book: “Most importantly, I want to encourage people in the depths of hopelessness to believe that they can come through, and to find help from a compassionate, responsible professional who will care for them until they do. People in the grip of severe depression might take as their mantra a line from Rilke so relevant to all kinds of human trouble that it has become an Internet meme: ‘Just keep going. No feeling is final.’”

Sometimes after publishing a vulnerable post, Borchard feels like she’s “walking around naked,” and wonders if it’s really worth it. “However, then I will get an email or comment from a reader who tells me she feels less alone because I shared it, and it makes it worth it.”

Blum, too, is propelled by the people who read her work, along with the mental health community in general. “Knowing that I may help someone not feel so alone or encourage them to accept themselves is a gift to me. Relating to people emotionally through words inspires me every day to write.”

For Borchard, writing about the more challenging parts of her recovery helps her in another powerful way, as well: “I get to recognize the voice within me that doesn’t necessarily come out in casual conversation with friends or even in therapy. There is something about writing about your experience that clarifies it…”

Self-Care During the Writing (and Publishing) Process

After Borchard pens a difficult piece, she’ll often walk in the woods or over to the creek by her house. This is when she processes what she’s written—and tells “myself that should I get scathing responses, it doesn’t detract from my truth—that I am a good person who speaks from the heart, even if that truth isn’t received well.”

Blum finds it helpful to sit with her thoughts, and journal what she feels. She also reads books by Hemingway along with pieces from modern-day poets, such as April Green, Lang Leav, and JM Storm.

For Cregan, when the writing became especially difficult, self-care looked like refocusing her attention toward researching or writing less personal sections of her book. On the days it felt unbearable, she’d schedule several sessions with her psychiatrist.

She also found it helpful to “change the channel” in her mind, something she still does today when she’s getting depressed. “I read or watch a movie or see a friend—anything, really, to get my mind out of the track it’s stuck in.”

Exercise is equally critical for Cregan’s well-being, which she does regularly, whether it’s indoor cycling or yoga.

For Sweeney, self-care while writing includes: hugging her husband, cuddling her dog, running, spending time with a supportive community, meditating, taking medication, going to therapy, not drinking, and calling her sister.

Because Sweeney writes regularly, the actual process isn’t so difficult (more on that below). But the after is.

“My mindfulness meditation practice helps with the aftermath, the ‘post-writing’ emotional hangover…During the time I’ve allotted for this practice, the huge rock in the pit of my stomach or the noose tightening around my neck becomes the object on which I focus. Awareness and a non-judgmental attitude transform these unpleasant sensations into something more neutral. It might sound like hocus pocus, but it’s quite intensely practical and for me, effective.”

And sometimes, Sweeney said, she needs a good “scream-cry.” “I do my best to experience heaving chest, stinging tears, and howling, with awareness and equanimity. If I find myself judging any of this, that becomes the object of meditation.”

The Power of a Regular Writing Practice

Sweeney also has developed a consistent, strong writing practice. Thanks to studying with Natalie Goldberg, she’s learned to “shut up and write,” and “go for the jugular.”

“Following [Goldberg’s] suggestion, I’ve spent years, no, decades, pushing my pen or pounding keys into painful and unpleasant memories. Hours reading aloud to small groups of people then listening to others who are also sharing their difficult situations by reading aloud, developed my spine.”

Plus, Sweeney has participated in National Novel Writing Month every year for a decade, writing or revising nonfiction. “Producing 1667 words a day during the 30 days of November, trained me to write on a regular schedule the rest of the year.”

Because she’s always writing, nearly every day since 1994, she doesn’t think about it. “It’s just what I do. If I thought about it too much, I’d never do it.”

Borchard views writing from the heart as “just another way of living sincerely, or with integrity.”

“It’s not for everyone, but I’ve found that the more transparent I can be in my life, the more I create opportunities to bond with readers and others on their journey. You are like a travel guide of sorts. So it’s also a privilege and one I take seriously.”

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-writers-write-about-heartbreaking-things-and-care-for-themselves-in-the-process/