#and the petty reason to get back at gordon and show he IS essential to the mainline just WATCH IT CRUMBLE WITHOUT HIM

[edwards-exploit]

oh man i really am commited to bwba: james remix huh

[hailing-stars]

@febuwhump day 22 burned

a blowtorch is a blowtorch

summary 

“I have to go into the office for a couple of hours,” she announced. She looked down at Morgan. “You know what that means, right, Morgan?”

“Mmhmm,” said Morgan. “That I’m the only one in the house left with common sense.”

“Exactly,” she told her. “So it’s your job to keep your daddy and Peter from doing stupid things.”

“I can try, mommy, but you know they aren’t very good at listening.”

OR

Peter and Tony try to recreate something they’ve seen on a baking show, and it turns into a disaster when Tony gets out the blowtorch. 

The cold wind raged against the lakehouse, and Peter pulled his throw blanket closer. It was patterned with Disney princesses and had pink fluff around the edges. He stared at Tony with envy.

He’d stolen the thicker, cozier throw blanket when he’d arrived down to the living room, along with the control of the remote, citing that it was his privilege as savior of the universe.

Tony switched on Netflix, clicked on a baking competition, and propped his feet up on the coffee table.

“Pepper banned us from watching this,” Peter told him. “And you’re supposed to keep your feet off the coffee table.”

“What are you? A snitch?” asked Tony.

“If it gets me my blanket back, then yes,” said Peter, crossing his arms. The living room was drafty, he was cold, and Tony was annoying.

“Guess I’ll just tell May how late you were out with MJ.”

Peter frowned. “That’s petty.”

“Snitches get snitched on,” said Tony. “I don’t make the rules.”

“You do actually, and they’re stupid ones.”

Tony pelted a throw pillow at him. It soared through the air and hit Peter directly on his head, messing up his already messy-from-sleep hair. Peter was about to retaliate by digging Morgan’s toy car out of the couch cushion and chunking it at him, but Pepper walked into the room, bringing with her the end to their petty fight.

She was dressed in her office attire, achieving the accomplishment of being the only person in the household to make it out of their pajamas that day. Morgan had followed Pepper into the living room, and frowned at Peter, probably for using her blanket.

“I have to go into the office for a couple of hours,” she announced. She looked down at Morgan. “You know what that means, right, Morgan?”

“Mmhmm,” said Morgan. “That I’m the only one in the house left with common sense.”

“Exactly,” she told her. “So it’s your job to keep your daddy and Peter from doing stupid things.”

“I can try, mommy, but you know they aren’t very good at listening.”

“Preaching to the choir, baby.”

“I resent that,” said Tony.

His eyes were glazed over while he watched the contestants use a blowtorch to put the finishing touches on some smore brownies, and Peter got a horrifying premonition about how the rest of the day was going to play out.

“Please remove your feet from the coffee table,” said Pepper. She kissed the top of Tony’s head, hugged Morgan goodbye, and left them, but not before Tony removed his War Machine patterned slippered feet from the coffee table.

“Told you so,” said Peter.

Tony threw another pillow, but that time, Peter managed to dodge it by ducking.

*

It happened just like it always happened. One minute Peter had been warning Tony about watching the forbidden baking show, and the next, just a few minutes after Pepper had left them, he was completely sucked in.

“We could make that,” said Peter, watching two contestants decorate a cake shaped like a tombstone. It was a halloween themed episode. Peter’s favorite.

“Of course we could,” said Tony. “And it’d be ten times better than that one.”

That was always how it started, too. By making these statements that would later be proven laughably false. Peter could see how this was going to end badly and with a messy kitchen, and probably a lecture from Pepper, but he couldn’t stop himself. Neither could Tony.

“You know what would be better than making the cake,” said Tony. “The smores brownies.”

“Yeah,” said Peter. “But we’d need a blow torch.”

“I have a blow torch.”

“You have one for, like, tech stuff. You need a food blow torch.”

“I’m pretty sure a blowtorch is a blowtorch, kid,” Tony told him.

Morgan popped out from under the couch, like the little spy she was. “I’m gonna tell mommy you’re trying to burn the house down.”

“Morgunna, light of my life,” said Tony. “Don’t you want some brownies?”

“Umm,” she said. “Can we put gummy worms on them?”

“We can put gummy worms on some of them, sure.”

“Yayyy!!” She pulled herself up off the ground. “Let’s go set the house on fire!”

*

Peter had been the one tasked with disappearing into the garage and locating the blow torch. Yeah, it was a bad idea, but Peter loved bad ideas almost as much as he loved sandwiches from Delmar’s.

He grabbed some safety goggles as well as the torch. Just in case. He had learned it was always better to treat the kitchen with as much caution as he treated the lab and the workshop, especially if Tony was the only adult around and the person operating the stove.

“Really, kid?” asked Tony, as Peter strapped the goggles around his eyes.

“First rule of workshop safety,” said Peter, before turning his attention to the drawers, pulling out spatulas, measuring cups, and any other essential baking tool.

“And you say my rules are stupid.”

“That was your rule.” Peter left out the part about Tony making that rule after Peter had almost accidentally poked his eyeball out with a screwdriver.

Tony gave Morgan a pack of gummy bears, and told her to keep lookout for Pepper. Peter didn’t see how that would matter. The kitchen would probably be so wrecked any warning Morgan could give them to her arrival wouldn’t be long enough to cover their crimes.

Their baking started without any trouble.

It was a mess, but whenever they were in the kitchen, that was unavoidable. Peter was just happy nothing horrific had happened, like that time Tony burnt his eyebrows off, or that time Peter slipped and fell on the whipped cream that had somehow gotten spread out all over the kitchen floor.

So, it was a miracle when Tony pulled the brownies out of the oven to cool, and nobody had been hurt.

Then it was time to get the marshmallows out, and Tony picked up the blow torch.

Peter was spreading out the marshmallows on the brownies when his hands felt hot. It took him a couple of seconds to register that Tony was setting his hands on fire. Tony, who switched on the blow torch without paying attention, and didn’t realize he’d had it pointed at Peter’s hands until he yelped, ran towards the sink, switched on the cold water and let it over his burnt hands.

“You burnt me,” said Peter.

Tony switched off the blowtorch. “You put your hands in the way!”

“My hands were there first!”

“Jesus, kid,” said Tony. He walked over and offered a hand on the shoulder for support.

“Dadddddyy,” said Morgan, coming into the kitchen. She stopped, and stared at the both of them huddled over the kitchen sink. “What are you guys doing?”

“Your dad tried to set me on fire.”

“Oh,” said Morgan, with a shrug. “What’s new?”

“Morgan,” said Tony. “Is there a reason you came in here?”

“Oh yeah! Mommy’s here.”

Pepper appeared as if on cue. Peter watched as her eyes moved from the brownie batter on the ceiling, the cocoa powder spread out over the counter and the floor, and finally, the lump of butter sitting on the floor, by her feet.

She released a long, weary sigh. “What is going on? Why is there a blowtorch in the kitchen?”

“Daddy tried to set Peter on fire,” said Morgan. “Should we tell Aunt May on him?”

“Next time I leave I’m hiring a babysitter.”

“That’s completely fair,” said Peter, still savoring the cold water hitting his crispy hands. After taking a blowtorch to his hands, adult supervision didn’t sound so bad.

*

Pepper ordered Tony to clean the kitchen up, sentenced the blowtorch to a lifetime imprisonment in the garage, and told Peter he’d better get some rest on the couch, giving him a cool pack to hold onto.

The living room was empty when he wandered into it, and Peter took his favorite spot on his favorite couch, reclaimed the remote, and mostly, reclaimed the thicker, cozier blanket.

He turned off the baking show, convinced that they were evil, and possessed people with impossible ideas just like pinterest.

He was halfway through some horror film when Tony joined him. This time he picked up the Disney blanket without complaint, and left the remote alone.

“Sorry about your hands, kid.”

“That’s okay,” said Peter. “That’s what I get for going into the kitchen with you.”

“I’m not that bad.”

Peter dropped the cold pack on his chest, and lifted his pitch red, already peeling hands up, putting them on display for Tony to see.

“Okay, I’m pretty bad.”

“No more baking shows,” said Peter.

“What about Kitchen Nightmares?”

“Only if Gordon Ramsay can come over and scream at you.”

“Wouldn’t mind that, actually.”

“It isn’t a baking show, anyway.”

It was as if a light switched on in Peter’s head. He turned off the horror flick, scrolled through Netflix, until he found a cooking competition to click on. It was different. Totally different.

“We could make that,” said Tony, watching the contestants on the show.

“Oh yeah, for sure,” said Peter, with complete confidence.

[sunlitroom]

Gotham – s5e03 – Penguin, Our Hero

As I watched it, and some random observations here and there.

Previously on Gotham:

Selina can walk again. She’s also part cat, thanks to the whole ‘medication may release the darker angels of your true self’ side-effect. Big-eyed orphans flocked to Jim. Tabitha ran into Oswald’s knife. Lots of gangleaders want to kill Jim. Barbara rescued him because she needs his help killing Oswald, because no-one else in interested, because Tabitha was easily one of the most dislikeable people in town. Seriously, Barbara. Have you noticed that Sirens isn’t exactly swamped in floral tributes?  Haven exists in soft focus.  Ed and Tank got rough.  Some very lazy graffiti implicated Oswald in the killing of several gang members.

As always, long post will be long.  There are likely to be rambling digressions. Gobblepot might appear (although I welcome all shippers and non-shippers alike :)).  There will be naked favouritism and naked not-favouritism.  Broader comments at the end on plotlines and parallels and general direction.

Oswald opens what I’m assuming is his bedroom door, or a door to his private rooms. He hears a choir singing a song of praise and smiles beatifically.

(An aside.  This is really dumb and I hate it - I'm not wasting wrist strength on it.  Also - it's really offensive.  Really really offensive)

In summary, Penn gives Oswald good news about production.  The writers feel the need to really hammer home that totalitarian regimes are bad, like we may be somehow unaware of this.  We also learn that people are ‘defecting’ to Haven, and that people love Jim Gordon.  Oswald pitches a hissy fit that’s interrupted when a bunch of bikers break in, looking for revenge for Oswald’s apparent attack.  He explains to the leader exactly how and why he’s stupid, and orders him to be interrogated.

In her hospital bed, Selina dreams about being shot by Jeremiah.  This will be a recurring theme in this episode – Selina has flashbacks later - and I think it’s a good thing that we get to see someone actually dealing with the aftermath of trauma.  I hope they don’t try to attribute this to the nasty seed thing later.

Waking with a start, she gets up and dressed and heads out onto the roof. Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, she leaps off the side, like she used to do.

At Haven, Harvey is warning about coping with the growth of new arrivals - word spreading like bad case of clap.  He also warns that the gangs will come looking for the slave labour they’ve lost.

Jim seems unconcerned. Let 'em

Harvey says they hardly have any ammo or food to deal with either issue– but Jim still refuses to turn people away.

Harvey then eyes Jim, and asks him when he slept – he’s been going full-tilt for months.  Jim tells him he’s OK – but does seem a little flat as he says this.

They enter a makeshift canteen, where Bruce is working.  They ask him for some good news, and Bruce tells them something about a water purification system that’s small-scale, but still an improvement.

As they’re talking, a fight breaks out over rations.  Jim breaks it up, and then realises people are staring expectantly, and delivers a speech. He tells the new arrivals that they’re all welcome, but they need to leave the fighting outside.  The government thinks they don’t need help, and they need to prove otherwise.  The gangs outside can tear each other apart – but they need to help each other survive.

Harvey is the voice of cynicism – pointing out that Jim’s speech worked now, but that it’s not going to be pretty when they find out that the government has abandoned them.

Bruce tells Jim that he’s holding this place together, and giving everyone hope – but he has more to add to his plate.  Will, the big-eyed orphan, is having nightmares and broke his arm falling from his bed.  Could Jim talk to him?

(An aside.  I get that they’re building up Jim as a more uncomplicated protagonist and father figure.  This is also to emphasise how emotionally invested Jim is in Haven, so that the explosion at the end will have added impact.  However.  It is treacly to the point of becoming sickening.  Maybe it’s setting up another of Jim’s dark paths – where he’ll side with his old army pal over tried and tested allies in Gotham, and have a one night stand with Barbara – but even then, it’s just all felt a little heavy-handed)

In the dormitory, Jim sits down next to Will.  Bruce tells him that they can’t imagine what he’s been through, but that he’s safe now. Jim underlines this by telling him that he’ll never let anyone hurt him again.

(An aside.  Jim, no.  You can’t promise that.  You can promise to do your best – but you can’t promise to keep someone safe like that. Bruce is young enough to have an excuse. You know better.)

Jim offers the boy a treat before he leaves.

I’ve got something for you: pineapple from my rations.  Hang in there – I’ll check on you later

He and Bruce walk away

(An aside – the obvious parallel here is between Jim and Oswald as leaders. Oswald – on an ego-trip, serving himself an elaborate breakfast, literally enjoying hearing his praises sung, slowly leaking followers. Jim – giving his rations away, working himself exhausted for his people, with people endlessly arriving at Haven.

And I suspect that’s how we’re supposed to view it – but, and I know I’m probably overcomplicating, it’s not quite so black and white.  It’s not as nakedly motivated by ego as Oswald’s actions, but there’s no way that this isn’t gratifying for Jim)

Selina shows up in the dormitory. An alarmed Bruce tells her she’s supposed to be resting- but a cocky Selina asks him if she looks like she needs it.  She’s never felt better, and she wants to find the freak who shot me.

Bruce says he’s been looking for Jeremiah, but never found anything.  Selina points out that there’s been an influx of refugees from all over the city – someone must know something.

Bruce says he wants to find him as much as Selina – but he’s had months to fortify, and they need to be careful.  Selina looks askance at him, and asks him if he’s scared.  Bruce replies that of course he is, Jeremiah

Shot you to get to me

He tells her he can’t lose her

Selina tells him she’s not his to lose.  He can’t stop her, but she does want his help.  Bruce stares for a moment, and says that if they’re going to take him down, they’ll do it right.  They’ll bring him back here and he’ll stand trial

(An aside.  Honestly, Bruce?  I don’t see any judges hanging around.  A makeshift court consisting of you, Jim and Harvey isn’t exactly doing it right.  On top of that, do you really want to bring Jeremiah into close proximity with defenceless civilians?)

Selina smiles fondly at Bruce’s naivete.  Reaching up, she touches his face and kisses him.

I was hoping I could count on you

Further in the dormitory, a man sitting on a bed says he heard rumours in dark zone – which is apparently a place of chaos - ruled by those who lost their minds when the bridges went down

(An aside.  Sigh, Gotham.  So the mentally ill are scary again.)

Jeremiah is there, gathering followers.  Selina makes to leave immediately, but the man remonstrates, telling her

You can’t go there: you’ll die!  Jeremiah is the least of your worries.  Everyone there is insane.  Look what they did to my friend

He pulls the cover down, and we can see the man in the bed has had stuff carved into his torso.

Oswald opens his bedroom door, in a snit, clad in underwear this time.  He’s wearing a tight black top and shorts under his white cotton garment. I’m guessing the white thing was possibly a little too see through, and they decided to just let the black underwear show rather than get a headache trying to hide it.

Penn! Where the f…..

His choir is gone, and there’s only Olga singing alone

(An aside – I know it’s not the biggest point in the world: but if people like Olga and Eyepatch Guy consistently come back to work for Oswald, then he’s not as uniformly loathsome as the show likes to paint him)

Oswald interrupts her – asking where his staff and Mr Penn are.  She informs them that they all defected to Haven.  He fulminates before panicking, looking for his dog.

He turns to Olga, teary-eyed

They took my dog?

She looks blandly at him

Rumour say pup went willingly

(An aside – I know Oswald’s scenes are more or less comic relief at points, but I still do get irritated when he takes more of a kicking than any other character in terms of sheer humiliation and being told he’s unlovable.)

He screams in rage and grabs the biker chained to the wall

You're in luck.  Our interests are now aligned – and you may live

He tells him to contact the other deeply irritating petty gangs, and to gather men, vehicles and petrol. He has bullets.  They’re going to pay a visit to Haven.

After he’s dressed, that is.

 At GCPD/Haven, Harvey – accompanied by Alvarez - tells Jim Oswald has made it through the barricade with gangs.

Jim tells them to load up. Harvey points out they’re low on ammo. Jim sends him to someone he hopes with be friendly.

(An aside here.  How much time has passed since last episode? Barbara made clear to Jim when she saved him that this was essentially conditional on him agreeing to plot Oswald’s death with her. Jim said he’d table that for later.  Is she still waiting for this to happen?  Has she just assumed he’s not going to do it? When are we, exactly?  If he’s really just never got back in touch, why assume that she’s going to be willing to help – other than the fact that he has no other options, and Jim has a track record of expecting help from people – no matter whether he’s recently jerked them around.)

Down the tree-lined street where Ivy and Selina once wandered – and which is now the dark zone. Selina cracks a joke about calling it the dull zone, and Bruce gazes at her – telling her he’s glad she seems herself again

Selina says she’s been here before – it’s the posh part of town. Bruce says people with money got out. She points out that he didn’t, and he tells her seriously that he had a reason to stay.

(An aside.  Oh Selina – and it wasn’t staying with you.  Bruce wanted Alfred to evacuate with Selina.  He was going to stay and hunt Jeremiah down.  Does Selina know this?)

A man with a bomb strapped to him runs towards them, frantically asking for help, before the bomb explodes.  We hear laughter and gunshot, as a band of God knows what approaches. Actually.  There was a version of Phantom of the Opera set in a disco in the 70s - called Phantom of the Paradise. They remind me of this, crossed with the slightly naff cenobites from Hellraiser III

Anyway

They turn to run, and collide with a hulking guy who’s not exactly friendly

Selina says they’re looking for Jeremiah

Kill you. Kill Jeremiah

Selina decides the best course of action is to find the schoolyard’s biggest bully and take him down

They all start fighting.

Haven, where Mr Penn is still conducting the choir - who now do hymns instead. We hear the sound of bikes approaching.  Penn nervously asks Jim what’s going on.

It’s Oswald.  Jim tells his men to hold their fire

Oswald gets out of his car – lividly angry.

Well. If it isn’t my old friend Mr Penn, and the Gertrud Kapelput Memorial Choir.  How nice to see some familiar faces!

Jim tells Oswald that he shouldn’t have come to Haven.  Oswald responds angrily that he stole his people and his dog.  

Jim says that the people came here of their own free will.  Oswald ignores him to call on his dog, who doesn’t respond to him

Jim raises his eyebrows at him triumphantly when the dog refuses to come when called.

Oswald reiterates that Jim is to return his people and his dog – and also apologise.  

Jim says no.

Oswald tells him he knows his ammo is used up – he’s bluffing.  

On Jim’s signal – some of his men take down some of the bikers.  Oswald pulls a face, and Jim says his men need some target practice.

Back with Selina and Bruce. The hulking guy tells her that she looks soft – while she tells him he looks 300lbs of ugly.  

Selina gets the man on the ground and starts clawing at his face with her new metal claws – demanding that he tell her where Jeremiah is.

The man protests that they don't mess with him – but then tells her he’s at Hotel North.

Selina’s still going, though, clawing at his face.  Bruce tells her he’s had enough.  She says it’s enough when she says so, and he restrains her.  

He looks at her, troubled, and tells her she won.  It’s over.

Selina blithely replies that it was easy, and strolls off.  Bruce stares after her unhappily.

Back at Haven, an irate Oswald tells the bikers that Jim is bluffing.  The leader asks how he knows.

I know Jim Gordon

Oswald says if they require a demonstration – they should march forward.  The biker says they have guns – Oswald retorts that he does too, and his are loaded.

They march.  As they approach, Jim tells his men to make ‘em count.

They shoot – but run out of bullets, leaving one man standing.

Oswald gloats that Jim is out of ammo, and points out that he doesn’t want his men to die.  

On the count of three, GCPD lower their weapons.

Bruce and Selina head to the church – Selina deftly climbing over cars.  Bruce is not happy at how she handled the big guy earlier, but Selina disagrees – asking whose side he’s on?

Yours. Always

As they approach the church, they see a shrine to Jeremiah.  Selina says she’ll tear his throat out.  They follow some other people up the stairs to the church and enter the building.

A woman in a mask welcomes them to the Church of Jeremiah, where the faithful will become their best selves – after a demonstration of faith.

They’re very oddly dressed. Shirt and tie – and one guy in a kilt (which tends really to be formal wear)

They walk further in. The masked woman stops Selina – and points out she doesn’t look like a worshipper.  Selina insincerely says she witnessed his work first hand, and she’ll never forget it.

She is permitted to pass, and follows the adherents upstairs.  The masked woman whispers in the ear of another guard before removing her mask.  It’s Ecco, in some dilapidated makeup.

Bruce slips away

(An aside - Where are the clean and well-dressed devotees coming from?  I thought the Dark Zone was a terrifying bedlam?  How did they get there without being attacked? Why are they so clean and well-presented?)

Oswald leads Jim to a cage/cell.  Jim tells him he’s going to regret this.  Oswald gloats that those are strong words for someone out of options.  He’s going to have Jim watch while they destroy Haven, and then shoot him and leave him for dead like did to Oswald

(An aside – Oswald – no you’re not.  We both know this.  Jim knows this.  That one-episode biker leader knows this.  Tank knows this.  Those weird English peasants at Ivy’s know this.   Give. It. Up)

Jim tells him when the government finds out what he’s done, he’ll be at the top of the wanted list. Jim – Jeremiah created this whole crisis.  Jonathan is crucifying people.  The government will not share your pigtail-pulling fascination with Oswald.

Oswald tells Jim the only law in Gotham is power.  Jim tells him they have children and families here.  What will happen when the gangs take them back? Oswald blithely says they’ll go back to being slaves.  His people will go back to their lives: bellies full of gruel, with him as their protector.

Jim tells him to take revenge on him – but leave the refugees alone.  Oswald tells him it’s almost tempting – before leaving

(An aside – and here, again, we have the problem with this storyline.  If you can tug on anyone’s heartstrings, it’s Oswald’s.  It’s stupid enough that they have him genuinely believing his people enjoy their life.  The additional notion that he wouldn’t actually care about children and families is stupid.  Let’s not forget – when Oswald was piloting the blimp, the worst outcome he could imagine was the death of thousands of innocent citizens.  It was Jim who felt the need to further incentivise him by appealing to his ambition.  Seriously, now.  It wasn’t that long ago.  I’ve said it several times before – but if your plot demands that the characters are ooc in order to facilitate it, your plot isn’t good)

Outside, Penn is being chained up.  Oswald’s not happy at this, and steps in

Stop - that one belongs to me

He manages to unchain Mr Penn – who smiles happily  - at being rescued, but also maybe at the indication that Oswald actually appreciates him.

One of the annoying bikers grumbles that Oswald sacrificed one of his guys. While Oswald is untying Mr Penn, who’s thanking him all the while – the biker shoots Penn in the gut.  

Penn drops to the floor. Oswald tries to stem the bleeding but it’s no good.  

You should have stayed with me!  Why did you leave?

Penn looks up at him and, without malice, simply tells him

Everyone hated you

Oswald looks down, his face blanched.  

One of the bikers tells him they’ll take everything.  An enraged Oswald says he’ll pay for this, before the biker wallops him hard in the face.

(An aside – sorry, but no. Oswald is cleverer than this. He’s adept at reading other people’s needs and wants.  The notion that he honestly would have no idea of how he was perceived is just silly.

Also – I know there apparently wasn’t time to develop Penn as the Ventriloquist, but I don’t think they had to kill him off.  It feels really unnecessary.  Given that this ‘revelation’ was only needed because they made Oswald temporarily stupid, it’s particularly bitter.  On top of that, if I feel he’s been jettisoned to help make room for the compulsory indigestible lump of Os/Ed interaction we’ve to dutifully swallow later this season, I am going to feel rather cross.)

Oswald is taken to the cage, struggling and protesting.

Let me go, we had a deal!

As he’s shoved in, Jim watches him calmly from the corner.

I take it that didn’t work out like you planned?

Harvey is at Sirens, calling for Barbara.  She sneaks up behind him, puts a knife to his throat and tells him there no men in Sirens past midnight – making it surely a very inconvenient brothel.

She adds that perhaps it’s time golden boy learned to save himself. She asks Harvey if he’s tired of playing sidekick.

Harvey tells her he doesn’t see it that way.  They’re friends fighting for same thing.

Barbara says she remembers when Jim was the idealistic rookie and Harvey was the cynical veteran. Harvey cuts in that she was sane back then.  Barbara snidely says that now Harvey carries Jim’s laundry.

Don’t you wonder what your life would have been like if you never met Jim Gordon?

(An aside - Barbara.  Yes – you have ample cause to deeply resent Jim.  He compartmentalised the bejesus out of his life when he was engaged to you, he moved on indecently fast, and his default facial expression when he’s encountered you since has been a curled lip and a sneer.  You turned to him after your release from Arkham and asked for him simply to recognise you as a person, and he wouldn’t do it.

However, laying the blame at everyone else’s door for your current situation has become tedious. You were placed in horrible situations, but you have also had agency.  Decisions were made.  Paths were taken.  For the actual love of God, stop whining. I’m so bored.)

Harvey replies that he’d be dead, or wishing he was.

(Another aside.  The spectre of Death has hung over Harvey since day one.  I do hope he makes it to the end)

Barbara sneers that he’s delusional – like the saps who expect the government to help.

Harvey tries again – commenting that he knows they’ve had their differences, before mentioning that Oswald has turned up…

Barbara’s tune changes, and she tells him he should have opened with that.

Let’s move

Back in the cell, Jim is trying to cut his bindings.  Oswald is ranting.  Jim’s taken everything from him.  Jim tells him to keep his voice down.  Oswald keeps talking.  His people should have loved him, he kept them safe.  What so special about Haven?

Jim pulls a face at him, and says it’s special because it’s far away from him. Oswald pulls a face of his own

That's rich

People are coming, and Jim hisses at Oswald to be quiet.  We see the head biker and a couple of children come in looking for supplies – one of whom is big-eyed orphan boy, who glances quickly at Jim.  Jim tells Oswald to just act normal, adding

I know it's a stretch

The boy slides a piece of metal under the cage, which Oswald covers with his foot.  The bikers find he booze they were looking for, and leave.

Oswald laughs manically. When they get out – he is going to tear this place to the ground.  He starts to rant – but Jim interrupts him.  That won’t solve the problem.  They need to take the gangs out – right here, right now.

They look down at the piece of metal.  Oswald asks how they pick it up.

They eye each other, and – honestly – the fact that they both wordlessly come to the same impractical solution points to how bizarrely close they are.

They turn back to back and – leaning against each other – lower themselves slowly to the floor, with Jim making some of the best facial expressions ever seen.

(An aside.  OK.  Fair enough, Oswald can’t really pick that up: I don’t think his leg would allow him. But Jim.  Jimothy.  JimJam.  Jimbalaya. I ran a test.  It’s easy to lower down to the ground with your hands behind your back, pick something up, and then stand again.  You saw a chance for some body contact and you took it.  Naughty.)

Bruce creeping about at Jeremiah's lair. He encounters a corridor strewn with the corpses of pilgrims, all with gunshot wounds to the head.

Meanwhile, Selina joins Ecco and the others in an empty swimming pool. Essentially, they play a group game of Russian roulette.  Ecco is very theatrical and Harley Quinn-ish about all this.  Selina scoffs – but, on Ecco implying she’s a coward, places the bullet in the chamber and spins the barrel.

Ecco counts them down – again, slightly aggravating on the quirky preciousness front.  We go quickly back to Bruce, whose head turns sharply when he hears the gunshots.

Ecco strolls round, announcing that she’s disappointed in those who didn’t participate.  Selina says she’s

Just not a mindless idiot willing to get shot in the head for nothing

Ecco glares.  She comments that Curls is here to judge all of us.  She goes on, though, indulging in some wittering about Jeremiah and his methods and how it looks like madness but it’s really liberation, blah blah blah

She then tells them all to leave now – she needs to have a word with Selina. They all got straight ‘As’ and can proceed and be reborn.

Elsewhere, Bruce follows two guards before beating them.  He ascends further up the staircase.

Selina faces off with Ecco. Ecco says she doesn’t want to meet Jeremiah, but Selina insists she does – only she’s not willing to play that psychotic game

Ecco does some more quirky stuff

But baby – it’s so fun!

Selina asks why Ecco doesn’t play.  Ecco tells her she doesn’t get it.  Lifting her hair, she displays a scar at the base of her skull, near her ear.

The bullet’s still inside.  I hear it.  Ping ping ping.  Boy do I feel it when the nights get cold

She pulls the trigger, but there’s no bullet.  She seems to be getting off a little on it.

Selina tells her she’s insane – but she’s indignant at this, saying she was willing to look death in the face and allow the old her to die.  This is the gift Jerome gave Jeremiah – and now it’s the gift he’s giving them

(An aside – interestingly, Jeremiah seems to have rather retconned his past with Jerome again.  The gas wouldn’t have killed Jeremiah – there was no potentially fatal option, as with his gun method)

Ecco smiles

We want you to experience that gift….Selina

Selina’s eyes widen

You know me

Ecco smiles

There’s not a single part of Bruce's life we don’t know about. His joys, his fears, his desires

(An aside.  Wow.  That sounds a like a fun couple activity.)

She adds that Bruce wasn’t ready for Jeremiah’s gift, and nor was Selina.  

Selina grimaces as Ecco points the gun at her face

One thing Jeremiah did teach me.  I hate a gun pointed at my face.

She hisses angrily, and they start to fight.

Oh puddin’.  Aren't you delicious?

(An aside.  I suppose you can’t really blame Ecco for flirting with Selina.  It sounds like most of her evenings with Jeremiah are spent working on the big Bruce scrapbook.)

Ecco says she knew she had it in her – all it took was a kick in the pants.  

Bruce appears.  Ecco sneers that her boyfriend is worried about her.

Selina flashes back to her shooting.  She manages to turn the gun on Ecco – but Bruce yells stop, and Ecco escapes, stabbing Selina in the leg as she goes. Selina screams in rage and makes after her – but Bruce stops her, telling her that she’s bleeding.

Selina cuffs him to the gate.  Bruce protests, but Selina says they’ve done things his way.  Not it’s her turn.  Bruce is left yelling after her as Selina drags herself off after Ecco.

Back at Haven, the bikers eyeing up cops and discussing who might be best for fights.  Jim strolls up

How about this?

He points his gun

The biker says he’s bluffing

I’m afraid not

Oswald appears at the other end of the room

Neither am I

Oswald shoots the gang members.  Jim calls on the cops to come out.  Jim and Oswald face each other across the room.  We hear a whimper, and Oswald’s dog approaches him.  He fusses over him, and reassures him that he killed the bad men.

The crowd behind him overhear this and mutter agreement – he did shoot the bad men.  They start to chant his name.

Oswald smiles gleefully. In many ways, he’s the world's simplest creature.

 Back at Haven, people are arguing both with and about Jim

You promised safety!

He saved us!

Oh boy.  Time for another speech.

It was a hard day - but we won.  

He points out that they’ve got Oswald's guns and ammo now, and that they survived.  Hope survived too – and he thinks that’s worth fighting for.

So do I

It’s the winsome orphan who rescued him

(An aside.   Mercy, Gotham. I can’t take much more of this treacle.)

Jim blinks in response to this support.  He goes on. Now there’s work to be done, wounded to be cared for.

Tomorrow's another day

Jim’s Scarlett O'Hara now.

A cop appears to tell Jim that Oswald is outside.  

Before he heads out, Jim tells the winsome orphan that he did a brave thing, and that they wouldn’t have escaped if not for him.  The boy replies that Jim helped him, so he wanted to reciprocate.  He hands the boy his badge, and tells him he needs deputies. He smiles and thanks him – especially since he’s allergic to pineapple.

 Jim walks towards Oswald, who is fussing over the dog.  He straightens up as Jim approaches, and asks him if the cops are really necessary: after all, he just saved hundreds of people.

Jim adds that he endangered them to start with, so he can be forgiven for wanting to play it safe.  

Oswald looks up at him, his face more sincere

Still - I do hope there’s no hard feelings?

Jim steps closer and looks at him like he’s recently been caught stealing apples, as opposed to putting a bounty on his head and then breaking through the barricade with a gang of bikers.

You did the right thing today, Oswald.  You’re free to go.  Don’t make me regret it.

They stand close and – even with my shipper glasses off, there’s really no other way to describe this – stare at each other fondly, smiles on their faces.

(An aside, before Barbara comes in waving the plot point no-one cares about.

I ship this like crazy. I like writing fic for it. One thing that’s blocked me for ages is how readily Oswald can forgive the worst of behaviour from Jim, and how Jim readily heads back to him for help each time no matter where their relationship has been. But actually seeing this helped me get it.  Oswald thinks he’s capable of doing great things for the city and its people.  Jim also believes this of himself: Jim Gordon, hero of Gotham.  They also both know they are capable of terrible, terrible things.  

To have someone who is not only seemingly willing to forgive you anything, but who also has a seemingly endless capacity to believe in you? That’s about as a big a deal as you can get.  No wonder they keep gravitating towards each other. Who wouldn’t?)  

Harvey hurries in, shouting a Jim in warning.  He’s swiftly followed by Barbara.

Hi Pengy.  Bye Pengy

Wide-eyed, Oswald holds his hands out in front of him, falling back on what he always falls back on in dire straits

Jim!

Jim hurriedly gets in front of him, and faces Barbara down

Barbara, no

Barbara tells him to get out of her way or he’ll get her first bullet.

Jim insists that he’s not moving

We don’t get to see what Barbara does next, because there’s an explosion that knocks everyone to the ground.  Oswald, Barbara and Harvey are unconscious, but Jim stands and looks around to see Haven up in flames.  There’s no scream of rage – just resignation, and weariness.

(An aside - So, I’m guessing that the explosion was Jeremiah’s doing – given that it just so happened to coincide with Bruce not being anywhere near the building?)

 General Observations

A couple of themes here.

The obvious parallel is between Jim and Oswald as leaders.  Jim is the ‘good’ leader, Oswald the ‘bad’ leader.  I don’t think we’re supposed to read more into it – but, as I said, I think you can really dig into a little more.  Barbara comments offhand that Jim wants to be a hero.  They both get emotional gratification from what they’re doing.

Oswald has already been chastened by Mr Penn’s death.  How Jim copes with what has happened remains to be seen.  

There was a little bit of crossover between storylines, if you squint, in the notion of proving yourself under pressure.  Oswald eventually did the right thing.  Oswald and Jim came together when it counted.  On the darker side, Ecco seemed insistent that Selina could step up to the challenge she posed after a kick in the pants.

Given that it lasted a whole two episodes – the Oswald as dictator thing was dumb.  Oswald’s whole thing is his ability to read motivations and needs and exploit those.  He can’t just fall back on a family name, or use brawn to succeed. But suddenly he actually hadn’t realised that people hated him? Really?  Equally – the bit later about him not understanding why people would resent the situation he offered: safety and stability – Oswald’s whole first season is him rejecting the notion of ‘knowing his place’ in favour of clawing his way up, risking his neck repeatedly.

Sorry – but this storyline has been dependent on both ooc-ness and Flanderizing his character.

Hmmm.  See – here’s the thing.  I liked Jeremiah last season – pre and post-gas.  He was different and had his own quirks and complexities.  He simmered icily – a contrast to Jerome’s all-out mayhem.  But I find the whole Cult of Joker thing tiresome – with all the witless, biddable acolytes wittering on about how he’ll open your mind.  It feels even more marked with Jeremiah, who essentially displays almost total contempt to anyone who isn’t Bruce.  I’m guessing part of the reason he stays secluded is that he can barely tolerate them.

I wonder if we’ll ever find out why Ecco was so devoted to Jeremiah.  Because she was – back last season – before all the gas stuff. Fiercely devoted.  It didn’t feel like a romantic thing – and I was curious to find out what it was.  Had he helped her out of a bad situation?  Did his working set-up meet her needs and personality in some particular way?

Thoughts?

[douxreviews]

Gotham - ‘I Am Bane’ Review

Eduardo: "Eduardo is dead, Jim. There is only Bane!"

How fitting that the title of this week's episode is 'I Am Bane' – because this episode also turned out to be the bane of my week.

To understand where I'm coming from, I need to preface this review briefly with my take on the character itself of Bane. First introduced into DC Comics in 1993, Bane's origin is wonderfully rich and distinguished as elaborated upon in Batman: Knightfall. Fans of Batman that aren't immensely familiar with the comics who dismiss Bane as a one-note villain whose only defining trait is his super-strength can be forgiven, because every live-action adaptation of this character simply fails to live up to the layered, dark-parallel of Batman that's featured in the comics. And a big reason for this is due to the major retoolings of Bane's origin with each adaptation. To put in other words, I don't mind that Gotham wants to shake up Bane's uprising, I just mind very much so that he's actually really boring by the end of it all. He doesn't feel much like somebody who is nuanced or unique when compared to other gunslinger characters, and at the end of the day, all Gotham has given us is a brooding hulk with a stick-up-his-rear who's put briefly at the mercy of Hollywood Healing to get his powers.

Not-Amanda-Waller (Jaime Murray) squirrels Eduardo away and has Hugo Strange, who's essentially Gotham's walking deus ex machina now when it comes to surgeries and resurrections, grant Eduardo his signature super-strength. Eduardo goes on to lead an arsenal of goons to interrupt a gathering between Gordon and the U.S. military, quite easily wiping the floor with trained policemen and soldiers all just to get to Gordon and Bruce. As far as suspensions of disbelief go, Gotham's finally gotten me to draw a doggone line in the sand and say "You know Gotham, I like spending time with you and all, but you really didn't think you could just show essentially Bob Parr in a Cruella de Vil coat tossing a few gas canisters, and effectively subduing at least a dozen serviceman who possess firearms and the training to respond rapidly to calamities like this, and not think I wouldn't raise questions?"

Yes, as it turns out, Eduardo is but another cog in the grand scheme of Not-Amanda-Waller's plot to plunge Gotham City into absolute destruction and ruin, relying on the aid of her mysterious organization that supposedly has eyes and ears everywhere, and...oh for goodness' sake Gotham, I get that you so badly want to be The Dark Knight Rises, but couldn't you at least be a little bit more subtle about it? I've seen disguises sported by Count Olaf that were more low-key than this episode's allusions.

Not-Amanda-Waller reveals herself here as Nyssa Al Ghul, the daughter of Ra's Al Ghul. From there on, any remaining trace of threat Nyssa exuded was eradicated. To begin with, I don't really care how much Nyssa wants to babble about how the League of Assassins or Shadows (or whatever they're calling themselves in Gotham) is on a mission to actually protect the world by destroying Gotham City, because once she reveals that she has a vendetta against Bruce and Barbara, this is all her entire undertaking ever seems to feel about: she hates Bruce and Barbara because they are directly responsible for the death of her father. Which only compounds my issues with this episode even further; wasn't it explicitly stated over and over in Season 4 that Ra's wanted to die? It was the whole reason he needed that unique dagger Barbara and Bruce were competing to obtain, wasn't it? Secondly, if I'm expected to at least get a sense of understanding for Nyssa's motives and anger, I don't, simply because Gotham never took the time to ever explore what kind of dynamic Nyssa had with her father; what kind of relationship did they hold, did she idolize her father, was Ra's training both Nyssa and Barbara to become possible heirs to the League which has led Nyssa to resent Barbara? Who knows? Thirdly, how does Nyssa even know it's Bruce and Barbara specifically that killed Ra's? Last I checked, Ra's death in Season 4's finale was only witnessed by Bruce, Barbara, Jeremiah, Tabitha, and Oswald.

What's even more amusing is that before Nyssa even identifies herself, she has Eduardo torture Gordon just as a way to get Bruce to try and figure out for himself who she might be. And as heart-wrenching as David Mazouz's performance is, it's too easy for the audience to side with Bruce as well, and wonder aloud in bewilderment at our television set over who this woman is, when we haven't had any buildup or hints whatsoever to her identity. Of course Bruce can't figure out who you are sweetie, your dad never even mentioned you to him!

While all of this is unraveling, a very twisted rendition of Gilligan's Island – consisting of Oswald, Ed and Barbara – is about to set sail aboard their newly-configured submarine, but the excursion is cut short when Barbara goes into labor. This is where I was kind of hoping Gotham would give us an indication of where we are in the timeline because wasn't it only four episodes ago that Barbara even dropped the bombshell that she was with child? I admit I've also never been present around what an actual childbirth is like, but Erin Richards absolutely is convincing enough, to the point that I'd even say she had the best performance of the entire episode. Once Nyssa sends Eduardo to kill Barbara, the dynamic duo of Ozzie and Ed cobbles together a few traps to buy Barbara enough time to escape, complete with endearing screaming fits from Ozzie, and Ed's pettiness needing to get the last word in to Lee ("For the record, you stabbed me first!")!

This fustercluck of an episode ends with Barbara successfully giving birth to her and Gordon's daughter, a genuinely touching moment, while Eduardo, just to further remind the audience that he is indeed Bane, breaks Alfred's back. Once again, all of my sympathies just go out to poor Alfred, for so many of the horrific injuries and torment that Bruce had to go through in the comics just seem to get shifted on to Alfred in Gotham. Apart from Erin Richards' performance and Ozzie and Ed always being a ton of fun together, there's not much else in this episode that gets me eager to see this merit-less conflict's resolution, in four weeks no less. I used to always remind myself during prior seasons that things may have to get worse before they get better, but with Gotham nearing the final curtain call, perhaps this episode's final scene of Gotham City being air-bombed is appropriate symbolism for the end – perhaps things only get worse.

Aaron Studer loves spending his time reading, writing and defending the existence of cryptids because they can’t do it themselves.

[the-desolated-quill]

And The Winner Is... - Inside No. 9 blog

(SPOILER WARNING: The following is an in-depth critical analysis. If you haven’t seen this episode yet, you may want to before reading this review)

After the spine chilling depravity of the previous episode, And The Winner Is... offers a welcome respite. A jury of actors and filmmakers deciding who should win the Best Actress Award. Nice and simple. By that I mean the episode of course. The decision itself is anything but nice and simple. And The Winner Is... dives headfirst into the internal politics of the television industry and no one comes out looking good.

On a first viewing, this episode seems rather tame. Especially compared to the previous episode. There’s nothing truly dark or sinister going on here. The characters aren’t harbouring any disturbing secrets. This is a fairly straight forward, comedic episode. But the episode does serve another purpose. Mainly to serve as a scathing critique of how the industry actually works.

I know many fans are disappointed that Inside No. 9 hasn’t received the same amount of recognition as Charlie Brooker’s Black Mirror. But in some ways, And The Winner Is... provides a counter argument as to why award recognition is not necessary for a show like this. Film and television awards should be a great honour, but the truth is they’re not because of a lot of behind the scenes antics. It’s this that’s spelt out throughout the course of this episode. Steve Pemberton’s character Giles is quick to remind everyone that that they are to judge the nominees based solely on their performance, but at no point do the jury ever truly do so. One nominee is rejected simply because she won the award several times before. Another is rejected because she had sexual relations with one of the jurors. The acting ability of the performers very rarely comes up and this is sadly true to life. Awards have more to do with politics than they do with genuine talent. A few years ago, for example, there was a ton of controversy surrounding the film 12 Years A Slave winning an Academy Award for Best Picture when it was revealed two of the voters never actually saw the film. So they didn’t pick 12 Years A Slave because they thought it was a genuinely good film. They just thought that’s the kind of film people would want to see win.

It’s through the episode’s stellar characterisation and the cast’s performances that the flaws of the industry become apparent. Zoe Wanamaker stole my heart the show for me. She plays the domineering diva so well and got loads of laughs. Her character ostensibly is the 12 Years A Slave voter. She hasn’t seen any of the candidates’ performances and is merely going on what she believes people would want to see. There’s also Rupert, played by Kenneth Cranham, who is there supposedly to bring his acting experience to the jury, but in reality provides very little insight or help. Turns out he has a conflict of interest, having had sexual relations with one of the nominees, and he doesn’t care for the other nominees, using petty excuses to disguise bigoted views on race and class. Meanwhile screenwriter Clive, played by Reece Shearsmith, doesn’t give too shits about any of the nominees. He just wants to suck up to fellow juror Gordon in the hopes that he’ll direct his script. (This got quite a few belly laughs from me. No one does crawling arse-kissing quite like Shearsmith).

Out of all of them, Noel Clarke’s character Gordon seems to be the only one who seems to somewhat care about what he’s doing. He clearly has great respect for his craft and offers insightful comments for each of the nominees. However it soon becomes apparent that’s not why he was invited. He’s merely there to fulfil a cynical diversity quota. They deny it of course, but Rupert’s comments do have a slight ring of truth to them. Movies and TV shows will often try to include at least one POC not because the producers genuinely want to encourage diversity and inclusivity, but rather to appeal to an increasingly liberal market, to the point where the talent of the individual in question doesn’t even factor into it. So long as they’re not white, it’s considered a win. Another box ticked. (Quick side note, please don’t misinterpret what I’m saying. Obviously diversity in media is extremely important and needs to be encouraged, but if you’re disingenuous about it, for example like JK Rowling with regards to Professor Dumbledore and LGBT representation, merely using diversity as a means to feather your own nest and win more brownie points for yourself, people will notice).

By far the most damning criticism of the industry comes in the form of Fenella Woolgar’s character June. A TV critic and journalist. I find her character most interesting of all for a number of reasons. She enjoys the perks of the creative industry without actually contributing anything to it. But the thing is she could contribute something to the industry if she tried. The purpose of critique isn’t just to recommend films and TV shows to the audience, but to also help inform creators about their own work. Offer helpful advice that a filmmaker or producer can take on board and keep in mind for their next project. Or at least that should be the purpose of constructive criticism, but nowadays that’s rarely the case. Instead critics have essentially become another arm in the industry’s PR department. There’s less interest in offering helpful feedback and more interest in providing an entertaining think-piece for the reader in order to generate buzz about the film or show in question. June is the very epitome of that. Just take a look at the conversation she has with Jackie (played by Phoebe Sparrow). Both wrote reviews about The Great British Bake Off, but whereas Jackie, a member of the public (or so we initially think), offers genuine opinions and feedback, June takes the opportunity to use her own review in order to boast her own wit, writing it in the style of a recipe. And as the episode goes along, the cracks in her character begin to show. She gets to enjoy the privileges of the industry and meet all these famous people, but those same people couldn’t give two shits about her. She has a thankless job. When she writes negative reviews, the other characters belittle her and when she writes positive reviews, they don’t give her the time of day because why should they? She made them look good. She validated their own egos. That’s all they want from her.

Jackie is the only person whose opinions seem genuine. She’s a member of the public. She has no ulterior motive. Yes the reasons behind her opinions may be thin, but they’re a darn sight more honest than the rest of the jury’s. And yet the jury can’t help but patronise her at every opportunity. Even Giles, who seems like a nice and well meaning person, doesn’t seem to take her seriously. When she leaves in tears near the end, my heart genuinely broke. At the end of the day, the most important people in this industry are the viewing public and they have forgotten that.

And then there’s the final twist. Turns out Jackie wasn’t a member of the public at all, but one of the nominees trying to influence the vote. This I didn’t see coming and I applaud both Phoebe Sparrow and the makeup department for doing such a good job disguising it. The episode is even ballsy enough to show a closeup of a photo of the nominee and I legitimately didn’t connect the dots until right at the end. I know some other people predicted the twist, and well done if you did spot it, but honest to God I was completely fooled. I legitimately saw no similarities between Jackie and the nominee.

In short, And The Winner Is... is a sharply written and well executed satire that doesn’t hold back on its criticism of the industry and I enjoyed it immensely.