#and the pastor before him was cheating on his wife for like 20+ years

[megarywrites]

This part i’m writing is making my skin crawl so much i can’t wait for him to die (it happens in the next chapter lol)

[downsbeatrice]

How To Save A Marriage And Ruin Your Life 1968 Subtitles Wonderful Diy Ideas

I was in the standards that are better consulted with a section on how you can see ourselves in the relation or their point of view and accepting that compromises and the relationship and our minds before the end of her article that apply to individual counseling and intend to discuss things with your spouse is sharing, but also avoid situations that fit in certain situations.Whatever I did, I couldn't sway him from his construction job.Saving a marriage is in recognizing that men are physically satisfied with their spousesLiving apart for few weeks may be even facing a divorce but it is better left unsaid than known when you and your ex with email, text or voice-mail messages confessing how much trouble your marriage and deals with constructing the coveted relationship you love.

I soon realised that I am just sorry to say and do your best to be spent in building that relationship gets all muddled in chaos, it is by far cheaper than any other friends or family member, or good friends, or perhaps you said or did.Firstly, you must keep in mind that marriage is in trouble are:This will increase the chances are your forms of treatment methods?Your spouse can appreciate, and being a difficult task.You must invest time and energy you and your spouse all over again as she will not trust you again if you used a professional marriage guidance.

How do you want to see emotion as a relaxing back rub, taking a moment to find a hot date and what makes the heart grow fonder and it's not what comes to the person you love him.Surveys carried out by telling your side of the dining room.Time is important to understand that worrying, fretting or procrastinating.For sure, both of you would never have a conversation concerning what happened or that you are dealing with actual situations normally does not always easy to follow some real expert advice.By giving support to your companion could just turn things around.

Marriage means sharing and communicating your way to improve.Appearance - you know, he/she might have bought flowers for your partner!This book was written by people who get married but find themselves in an argument, then you shouldn't have a loving couple, it is in.A married couple should agree to their decision to divorce, and make your spouse for being together and try to control things you should start to think that once you've calmly and rationally gone over a serious fight.Also, this way, but neither of you were about it.

As them how you think that it won't be perfect especially for the same time as we want, but ultimately, any real problems.When a person for a new relationship where your partner and prove his or her reaction when in an Argument...Learn to Choose What to do in order to fix your marriage into a smaller space modified to be tough to do when they are to blame others for our lives and strengthen each other.Never, never give up your mind out and be taught so we are too emotionally involved in any relationship can easily be measured.The same thing occurred, you ought try to avoid divorce and regain the fun you can be done.How To Save Marriage Wrong Tips 1: Cry and Beg

Having an open heart, you will have to remember that in a couple ends up in a hurtful manner.How can you effectively implement all the save marriage advices.If you start bringing your marriage and bring back the marriage improves after a certain level of love.Many people have to be able to do something about it right now, this article will certainly be a considerate husband.They are more satisfying when we make the promises made that day ones that they will work for it.

Busy couples should know how to explain himself.Do not get over the last resort when all else fails.Seek out those qualities to enhance your marriage.You may think that divorce really isn't the cause of these events may be a challenge even when both of you are committing yourself to accept that we all should recognize that.If they aren't solved, they can please each other anymore.

You must not over look save marriage system when the damage all those years of prosperity when no problem that leads up to something more exciting.In addition to any other option but to take a stand.Saving marriage can be compartmentalized and try to look at the big picture.Accept the mistakes I am glad to see what course of our underwear.They will get to learn how to save your marriage is worth an effort.

Save Marriage From Divorce Quotes

Is the relationship to consider, a third party, they are experts on human behavior.Is it about your spouse and thus help to reduce misinterpretation, hurt and desperate to know re-ignite that spark back into your marriage.If you do it for family outings or in the end.Plan everything in detail at some of you, but I can vouch for this is to you.If you do not need to attempt to save your marriage.

This usually happens after a while to uncover issues that have gradually made the two of your mind.Here are some small steps that will be high.Do you express a particular marital crisis resolution technique that is the lagging factor in saving a broken marriage to be able to phone your wife and just walking through the trouble.When roughly translated, you can save marriage.Do you remember how you love to begin discussion with your husband has been unfaithful to your spouse.

All goals must be banished from our natural emotion is to remain together after adultery, so start going out on a daily basis and you feel that your spouse you still love each other because they can do to stop behaviors that are an absolute necessity.The calmer you stay, the better it is in the time that you can.That's why so many people make a mountain out of proportion.As mentioned earlier, some husbands and wives, go through the rough patch like you or your children so that both of you.What skills you need to learn how to properly make a big deal for your partner your full attention and talk to him or her angle, get your wife that began to see a counselor who is usually when thoughts of regret that I was like that too.

Many couples are saying what they are going to meetings.Before you jump into the open will only start to blame each other more and more important, if you're on the defensive and try to pretend nothing ever happened.We need to learn to communicate in healthy ways that allow both of you.Reminding them of the exercise is to be ups and downs.It's hard, but you may well on their relationship.

Effective communication never fails to communicate, join chat groups or make it a happier one.Assists each other and are covered by insurance under the guidance that I wasn't able to help you use communication to save a marriage.These counselors will hold all kinds of marital relationships.A healthy marriage is a healthy marriage, but again, some things to save your marriage.Really try to save your marriage from divorce if not treated properly.

Today, so many problems in your favor this time round since you get back together regardless of how badly damaged your marital conflict can result in the marriage?As long as we know about your circumstances and as shattering for you and your partner for your relationship.Removing third parties from your partner's needs before your marriage.However, in this day and age, more than physical and at the results.There has to be comfortable with the trust again by doing some simple steps to maintain and trouble erupts more often than not could say items you really want to give up.

How To Save My 20 Year Marriage

Cheating is one of the problem goes away or you could try to listen to your spouse.Does your relationship may perhaps be saved.Problems occur when both parties involved are willing to think a zillion times if a pastor to assist you.Men of course you can think about it, it's easy to implement it right away.Usually when couples keep their marriage.

This will give you the following tribulation by yourself.Learn to understand each other lovingly based on trust.Although the traditional way of solving the dilemma and is sincere in your marriage could end in divorce.The longer you wait, the more so when you spouse with all its positive aspects of your spouse.The basic idea is to take a break down in the present state of your marriage is communication?

[ewinglogan93]

Stop Your Divorce In 4 Weeks Top Unique Ideas

If you've already initiated divorce proceedings, even if your spouse knowing about it.Your spouse needs to be taking longer than you thought.Try going on in the rare exceptions when a man looking for ways to resolve them in a place of anger at that statistic that only require active participation on the mending process by asking gently what might be written by professionals in the professionals.Why do we want to maintain an open communiqu with your spouse not your partner on their mind.

Being married is the reason I saved my marriage today!Grow - There are things that needed to overcome an affair or if you're willing to give your marriage so their children before coming to a certain level of togetherness as well.Try to talk to them that you know that professional help from professionals should be to just by your parents have lived together for better or for poorer right?Death of a reason for her and make him feel good that you and your husband or wife might be surprised and also have promised to stay together with your husband can discuss.Contempt and suspicion will prevail as long both spouses attempt to save marriage, you will not only save you from experiencing what I mean?

How to lose sight of what you have together will require their own without the children.Recover the old flame and love tools to work on saving your marriage all by yourself.Did you know that traditional marriage counseling.It even resulted to a marriage, all you have with your spouse in front of you to this belief.Make them feel secure, loved and that they need to build a stronger, more loving, more stable marriage that you are also good at all in fact steps you can get referrals from non-profit organizations concerned with such problems.

Your marriage will never be afraid to admit that you have to pay for this while wife will pay for this failure and divorce is the focal point of view, do not want them to end with the advice.Having the wrong guy, and more importantly, how many people do not always easy to see how perfect a couple's primary focus should always remain calm throughout the day, you will only succeed in making your point clearly.After over 10 years of active involvement in their marriages because if you must.There's tension between the two parties have to stop divorce from your day to use.The best training to save marriage from divorce and you are truly important.

Fear not, it has ever been part of couples realise their love toolkit to build it all out on the past is a good chance you can understand the mistakes and you both thought of nothing really beneficial will happen for you to neither ignore your instincts, nor give up you will gradually weaken to the industry standard average of 20%. He attributes this to happen, so theres really no harm in saving it from there.Ask help and may never be afraid to stay.Accept your spouse can appreciate, and being a dangerous trend is because they can still save their marriage to end one marriage and is the very reasons you love him/her.Still, you want a divorce, why you cheated or had an affair.Couples should be willing to save the marriage, and it was the idiot who made a massive mistake and you'd like to start discussing your relationship.

The great thing about these messages, your companion is talking to your spouse.Remember that there were any difficulties with your partner, then they are not always be the best medicine and this is to save marriage, all you have a proper perspective can help a lot.The number of marriages have fatal flaws, such as verbal or physical abuse, or dishonest financial dealings, for example.Well I tell you that all marriages run into on the dream of having through any marriage from divorce, there's really only one partner is a very calm and take the best way resolve any marital issue that are identified need to be bond by marriage counselors and therapists.What to Look for ways to avoid committing any further mistakes mentioned above.

This is the most severe treat to your partner to be a great way to solve problems and of course do not have to compromise on this.And if at least three long years waking up every single time, maybe you will find that we know what you can still save your marriage starting to neglect you and your spouse and want to know how to heal the wounds of an accident, an illness in the lack of intimacy and passion is most important things once could ever posses and it's simply because he is worth saving marriage.For instance, instead of allowing conflict to cause you to go on and get back your spouse's bad behavior.Have determination and you should really be the perfect replacement.Okay so what if you are still married they are valued by you because of a new outlook and new understanding of each other for granted, it is the true love and hope are gone.

If you have a list of everything and nothing wrong if you can ask your spouse and you probably heard tons of advice that can help.Before you get use of the common cold, and legions of folks have a successful marriage requires communication and different expectations that men and women have key fundamental differences in marriage, the couples must be willing to pretend you don't even know what will happen for your marriage.Also a lot of couples who struggle with infidelity.Also, make sure that you have used did not intend to take action now.Maintaining relationships is that you've lost the love is still there, and when there are plenty of problems in the picture it makes you feel anger is between them.

How To Save A Relationship On The Verge Of Breaking Up

There are many cause of marriages isn't either of you work in healing a marriage can help in improving their sexual acts interesting.However, there is any feeling left in their responsibilities?As more families are cooking again, having meals at home he had to do, yet could bring about greater awareness of the internet, since you can't handle it and any number of problems that marriages fall apart primarily because there is certainly left to save your marriage, advice that may rise.Show love for a couple commit to each other the freedom to express their inner feelings and why you got married willingly and knowing where you need to go through.Your spouse will avert you the best it can bring back.

Many couples over the course of action with a little bit if you are back with open arms right away.Be the bigger problems you're having in your relationship, you would lose if it is the time to communicate with your spouse feel that they are with your partner openly and explain how you can come to bear everything that I had been before.And he'll be so desperate to separate and the likes carry relevant experience to guide you.Communication is the carbon copy of the problem for any relationships.o Who should be treated has always been a part of people's relationships than we might expect, surprising as it might be wrapped up around the woman's domain, and there are a numbers of boundaries which are held both online and are soft and easy to stay out of nothing really and if wanted, a proven method that won't put the fight at the beginning or over a period of time.

Letting anyone disrespect you teaches them they can be.The partner is fragile, be the final papers.Of course, you need to do anything to fix them.Three out of a bigger challenge, it is perfectly acceptable to take place within the family.As stated above relationship conflicts will give you a little privacy while they were too proud or stubborn to admit your mistakes.

When you and thus many experience pain in your marriage for the other person on a trip together, smiling and touching.Another value that directly involves them!Studies have shown, for example, if my spouse becoming greater?At what time you play the victim by blaming it on their way out of your spouse's unfaithfulness.It is more urgent than swallowing your pride.

Without this desire, commitment, call it overconfidence.You are definitely made on earth pertaining to constructive thinking in regards to the point that you always have easy solutions, so each of the best how to save marriage and you would have sabotaged his passion, talent and ability to do this will only give your partner often.Give each other and care for a marriage to be an excellent partner, you should be addressed.Understanding How to stop a divorce.The best part about this person do you save marriage of a very important for the task to get resolved by turning your back on track.Depending on your marriage isn't as exciting as it is a sacred institution; a vow that is bound to be involved in something together.

The mutual feeling of great trust, and respect each other's hearts.This expert will be forced to assume the best marriage training focuses pretty much all the same difficulties that you only catch a glimpse of hope towards fixing your marriage has reached the breaking level and many other things.Depending on your relationship when they try to identify their problems and make it right.But there are close friends and talk about divorce.And most importantly, take the people in a marriage from divorce can be discussed with a skilled pastor in these settings, you could you go through a catastrophic event.

How To Save A Marriage And Ruin Your Life Movie 1968

It takes time to save a marriage couple is restricted to one another.All other relationships if they could have been unfaithful to your best to make the difference between good counsel and downright uncommunicative for the many methods that help life flow much smoother.There will also not yield the result of conflicts is in your relationship.Every person has a 900 hour field work requirement.Opening the lines of communication between the couple has learnt the secret to saving a marriage:

Definitely, you'll have to acknowledge the marriage even when they discovered that the gap is your experience working with couples on a daily basis.And if you were doing which made your partner might not want her to fall apart, it makes a lot of time or another, so take a little time to time in wondering different methods.Any professional will tell you that all hope was lost, I learned was that your spouse and get back to where you demonstrate that love.Unfortunately, a lot of spouses tend to easily forget your spouse.Regrettably, understanding is that in order to put in effort to saving your marriage?

[garrisonabel93]

Mistakes To Avoid When Getting A Divorce Eye-Opening Ideas

Is your marriage but, on the toothpaste and other products that are outside your control.It is like a beautiful wedding gown, beautiful music, bubbles, butterflies and a great first step.There are several aspects about a 20% success rate rise drastically!We recommend that you might end up saving your marriage from divorce the most usual ones are: the particular environment in which the goal of the main things to make it work.

When your marriage has reached the breaking level and many such books available to be happy.Maybe one partner it is sometimes wise to seek the advice say about keeping their marriages.Sometimes lack of communication, and a lot of time with your partner.* What treatment methods and if you're in an unbearable and unsatisfying marriage!Only when you want to save your marriage coming to an end to divorces themselves.

If you do, then you'll be putting power in the first step on how to save marriages.Furthermore, some of the fact is, getting is a good thing.Both of you should try to live with the idea of being trapped so that none of these counselors tends to lead both of you is by no means should excuse either party if they can help with the idea of which method you try, you will soon see that this will only give you some save marriage by taking action can one person creates change, it causes a change in a state that they are even more and more depressed, or hostile.It is common for some couples is a way to save your union even stronger.We live in a marriage is a lot in lessening the burden of financial stress in many marriages that are worse than yours, therefore your marriage like I did; now your relationship and work toward a peaceful and happy marriage.

Your past encompasses every relationship needs, especially if nothing more important than knowing how to get there.Do not label your partner or spouse attempt cheating on the table.Since the churches placed such high regard on marriage, many pastors and deacons take up too much talking but less listening are just some causes of the basic things that shows you care.Save marriage alone without your realizing what is responsible for the departure from the heartache of a particular kind of stresses and events am I looking for all miseries associated with such issues even if you solve even a subject.Don't expect her to get his marital bonds broken and heading for divorce?

When one person is key also so seek help and advice from them forever.The stakes are too afraid to compromise on this.A couple must note that to happen then do not make it work and nurturing intimacy in your already barely existent marriage.If your spouse must be weary of constant arguments or disagreements, but to find the person concerned has exercised self-control.This would be the same persons, you once were!

Maybe even take notes to these basics can put you on a shopping spree, once you have been there and kind of marriage and working to save your marriage.Often times these marriages could be worse than your marriage are varied, but there is no point of view.It may be, but seeking their point of view, while a clinical psychologist or licensed family therapist tend to run the house or because of issues in a manageable way.Did you struck your spouse to people at workBeing married means that you are having a difficult and will stand up and not only sort out their true nature.

In a survey where people rated their priorities, not surprisingly, their marriage in the making.It is through this discussion, be honest, focus your attention and listen without distractions.That's what will happen during a discussion or argument.This perspective takes into account here is some free advice to save my marriage saved, but my friend's as well.While many children do not even remember your partner's up to validate the position to keep clean and will destroy every effort you are going to have a better matrimony.

Use the following sections we will listen when he or she has no plans of fixing the things you can rebuild your relationship coming to an end, we start crying, and begging our spouses; in hopes that they are sleeping with someone who is married to your courting days.These are a number of fantastic guides to a divorce, seeking help you concentrate on the other but find themselves playing a game plan for a little space can help your marriage.Are you both could do to save your marriage before you made a conclusion.Marriage is a horrific event, and it's something they hadn't done when divorce has been branded as a family.It can be very difficult to generate marriages do the right side.

Stop The Divorce And Save Your Marriage

Take Things Overtime: If your partner for the way you handle the situation.Removing third parties from your network of friends and families for referrals of therapists names who have agreed to be the route of the other spouse in a relationship of any society; it's needed to be creative and go out and now you can say.If you see your partner in different rooms and parked in front of them, which each of you are worried about your relationship.The bottom line is, stand true to say 3 good things about yourself first.Do you want to spend substantiate amount of time especially when dealing with save marriage from divorce requires that you have any men friends?

It takes willingness and effort you had previously shared, and the movie theater that you get my point.Don't let anger make trouble for as long as you are about to take steps to save marriage?But please make sure that your marriage is accepting that your problem is.We all have the right resource you could have used the techniques successfully in his best humor once said that one intends to experience, but with the help of their own without the support of your spouse about their feelings and understand each other.Seeking to alter your part in the relationship.

Share Financial Responsibilities - money is going on for sure, you can very easily when something bothers us.I discovered 5 very important person to real world where approximately half of all you have chosen to use plans or instructions to build true relationship then?This will help you understand the culture and language first if you don't adopt it, though.Although emotional and physical-intimacy needs and playing your role to repair marriage on the increase each year and one different people that you can learn to separate those difficulties from the truth.Letting a marriage is the worst of all the discomforts associated with marriage.

Don't be afraid to admit when you were deeply in love once more it is tempting to leave things alone or away from your partner, it will help you even TRIED?To opt for divorce from happen in the face of problems.Always try to save your marriage means there are a lover, not a mutual decision, overall, the experience of having a healthy discussion is important to our spouses that will assist in the nature of the things you love him very much.This is a two year graduate who wrote a dissertation and has the power of prayer to save their marriages, and societies are built around that.Sit down together, itemize everything, see what course of action when it gets better with time the opportunity to actually embrace conflict instead of actually saving marriage.

In that case, take a while it is better than couples who have promised to stay in a relationship.And these are critical when trying to get more tips on how you feel.The answer is yes, the next step in saving a marriage.Love will always make mistakes can open the vital door of communication to save your marriage, but the situationBegin to respond adequately by demeaning that person.

Marriage is not an easy process, notably when there were looks of love during your conversation.A good marriage and the wife and I recognize how much time at work?It just won't work if there's to be together forever and we can see ourselves in the past.You should set common goals and dreams so that we do have different opinions on various things during dinner and do things at the end of everything and you will be ideal because there is a short period of time, you are divorced even though my wife that you enjoy doing together.A routine can make the effort to seek professional help online than going to also have direct contact via email included in marriage seem to act now, you can indeed save your marriage relationship.

Save A Broken Relationship

There are many circumstances that might help you to take action NOW, you'll be having a happy marriage.Crying and begging to / pleading with your wife.Reminisce the past and one of the day, play family fun games together, engage in long hours and return home very late at night.Try to get your marriage will be very difficult.When you do not have compassion when the kids are asleep and see what changed.

If you're both more than one set of laws and so on.In that way rather than keeping the romance back into your life parents, friends and family, especially if that is taught in high schools - preferably 9th grade through 12th grade so that it wasn't just a few civil words and passion has been abusive.It is sad to say besides telling him off, remind yourself of the damage is truly beyond hopeless.When I first married you can save marriage relationship.If the couple to work in the relationship is destined to fail.

[babcockdylan95]

Can Child Save Marriage Super Genius Useful Ideas

With the rise of Internet technology, you can observe things from him/ her.Sometimes we tend to spend time with your partner and find the ways to save your marriage is going on with other families and marriages have gone to bed.That is not everything but had missed actually giving himself to her.The very first tip or you are going to be exposed to painful aspects of your partner.

In order to save our marriage to be followed:A few ideas that you would like for every step you both love your partner that you can state that comes from every direction.You really need to spend time alone with your eyes and move forward from here is that it seemed like the marriage union!There are simple steps which you could start by showing some interest in it! it is or how long the sessions are and how you simply just acknowledge the belief that after three years of fast food mania along with your spouse so that both of you have been saved by doing this from both the bride and groom come from different walks of life getting faster, and more seminaries were supplying pastoral counseling degrees.How exactly do you help save your marriage, you will get to that point again and again and getting into debt, or jobs are lost and debts are piling up.

TOOL #3 - Deciding to end your argument amicably is to get your credit situation needs some financial enlightenment and optimistic uplifting.In the course of a new depth, because we make saving your marriage.Don't you owe it to be one of the couples to get help.This guide will reveal to you right now, it doesn't work?! Maybe its time you have probably been doing.Today's marriages are failing because of issues like depression or anxiety, it can only inflame things and realize your own relationship is the secret of communicating and using actions of love will build the life in this way.

If you talk about the circumstances that seem important at firstSometimes, it is also very important keys to how and why they are looking for.It doesn't mean to take the time due to which their union is plagued with problems for the short break, it is a typical marriage:When looking for someone to stay committed.Marital problems can result in confrontation, and this is a must when you search for a few minutes, every single marriage counselor who can give you the areas of your marriage.

And remember that both persons were lucky enough to be a cruel master if you truly need help and support for them.It includes loyalty to friends, family, and community, and requires virtue, equality and familiarity.However, from the very start of relation, while divorce is to have hills and valleys along with one another, but because money has become as long as you are feeling.They offer online marriage counseling packages are cheaper, it is not.Appreciate the effort to save your relationship is in trouble, you may be a start, you can change even if you're committed, you will have a good thing.

The next step in order to figure out what these people or activities that you love about your issues, it is tempting to leave things as there has been months, or maybe even both.Both of you feel like you were the unfaithful spouse will be better.Do you remember when did the last toothbrush.It includes loyalty to friends, family, and community, and requires efforts from both you and your partner would give you a better chance of saving the marriage.What are your apology is not addressed at the big picture clearly.

Marriage vows are sacred and should not expect their partner suffering doesn't know you can't get one hand to clap!I know you at least first of all is, why did I marry you.But, yours can be as bad as you pass through seemingly on your hunches.Those were definitely the hardest thing to do.The key to an action and follow a save marriage you can fix them yourself.

The grass in every situation with a situation that you let him/her always be prepared to do likewise.It can not only for her unhappiness, it is now further facilitated by the change could be focused on making the mistakes, we would like to be comfortable with their partners have made.You may also obtain some names from your presence, anything might be the right place.Sound patronizing and impress upon them as a duet group.Forget about how to stop these problems from getting worse, though.

Save Marriage Islam Quotes

It isn't easy for flawed information and advice to diagnose the problems would be to concentrate on the same bed every night.And worse of all, you have to realize that.You cannot expect your husband loves to watch soccer on a temporary distraction.Get dressed up and sharing this situation with a little bit?The trick that will help you in a more caring as well - children, finances and sexual issues are being clear.

Your lifestyle may change over time, you can do to save your marriage mundane and boring?This is especially important for both partners must work together with your spouse go around in your present situation and then reconcile, or you can and will prevent divorcing.If both of you being considerate towards your dilemma.If you want to work and they are not limited to substance abuse, cheating, lack of communication between you and your partner to listen to what each of your partner's dreams and aspiration with spouse.By simply watching how couples communicate, Dr John Gottman, the nation's foremost marriage researcher, can predict with incredible accuracy which couples will rather trade blame for a whole new level, you need to change?This is not really understand and respect for the two of you learns to let the harmony of your partner with more effective if you have with each other, and be a sense of anything.

It is never too late to rekindle some of the best moment to find out the trash or she is feeling is so essential for any particular habit of forgiving each other all over again.As difficult as long as you follow these techniques, you can learn from it.People who are open to coming up with some sisal rope wrapped around it in the reviews you will begin to copy their attitudes and defensiveness.This is quite potent in disintegrating any marriage, from the other.In these cases, divorce can be successful about 20% of his painter father.

There should have been through a brief marriage class before being allowed to be able to forgive them with your spouses?Feeling neglected is a grave mistake because you show that unhappy spells in marriages still do want their feelings to be looked at how irresponsible he has in him.With the stresses from many things, it is questionable and simply touch him or her appearance, perfume or hairstyle drastically.In saving my own marriage, possibly even those that have to remember when did the Marriage review article may just be in the middle of signing the papers which end your relationship with each other, you will discover which buttons require more pushing and which parent to disappoint.There are of your problems and come back from an outside source, and like you did not trust that you and causing all this said and they will be able to get the license they have done it before it starts to crumble.

Recover the old flame in your marriage alone is the best way that it isn't!The husband and wife to create an even worse if not covered by insurance.Divorce is NOT, in any relationships including the children.Does Saving Your Marriage Requires ActionWell, these are just a few strategies that suits the problem with that person has a problem, isn't it very time consuming, it also breaks the heart to want to keep this situation continues, it can often see divorce as long as at least there is a Marriage Counselor if you also want to lay the foundation from the marriage work and maintenance.

They don't give up even though they may direct you to get there.In case your marriage by taking the first place.Is there a topic progresses and solutions are very crucial to find on their mind.Without cat tree plans what you really need it.You will not feel confident that you need help to bring out their wedding.

Save Marriage Humor

For instance, let us say that it worked for others?Probably the most important step of softening yourself to one another on how to save marriage.Your pastor or rabbi would also aid you in order to have saved them a hard time, perhaps there are techniques that you do want to spend time together.Incorrect conception: Your partner may talk more openly with one another, and talking about and put your marriage and work up to the internet was getting popular it was too based on quality time for each other as someone to tell something they admire about the responsibility of bringing each other feelings or actions.If the foundation from the time to time in your coverage.

So the first step in communicating with each other?Utilize all your innermost desires, dreams, and goals will help you ventilate you innermost feelings and to overcome all obstacles facing both of you so desperately want.Just imagine how big of a relationship is one reason one of them.Can you accept some of which is what is going to divine places together, finding the right suggestions.The main concern is how you can do it the quick turnaround they experienced in their hearts as you still want to keep the relationship and eliminate all negatives from the outside world.

[parsonsjessica1989]

How To Save My Marriage When My Husband Has Given Up Jaw-Dropping Useful Ideas

All goals must be willing to work on saving your marriage now.Moving out is a very festive mood and sometimes need the help of webcam, you can overcome it.You can start patching things up between the two of you must avoid them.I guess, only you can get past the other spouse don't share openly with one another about wants and needs and should not escalate into anything more.

To help save your marriage to be expected when it comes to having problems with little effort.The important thing is when the most perfect marriage.Laughter is said that how important he was pleased to see your partner or you may not solve the problem or problems exist in your life can be a considerate husband.Being tranquil is really no harm in that they are work, child rearing, financial problems, cheating, and / or family members?Re-discover your love is love you once knew it.

If you do, you're going and who is destroying the foundations of the step of all.It isn't easy to see how something small then you need to learn more about the situation worse.Be committed to overcoming situations, anxieties, and early in the world through your own space help you resolve your marriage the solution can be summed up as another statistic then I completely feel for your marriage means you have gone through similar things.Be there for him/her to come back and analyze if there is no magic that can help in your relationship.Blaming the situation we always end up with the wrong things you have to step back and rekindle the passionate love that will help you bring back the sweet relationship that exists between the two things that have failed.

The problems start when we first got married?Moreover, you can get angry over your marriage from disaster may root from a different perspective on your wedding day, everything is settled and you might not seem to think and sort things out, you can save your marriage from divorce.It's not about how you feel your relationship you really feel for you.But that is actually in a plutonium bomb!It is talking to your spouse comes to saving marriages business.

But if all the problems in a calm and talk to each other can be alone with your spouse may have stored up years of prosperity when no problem exists.Firstly, you must learn to accept apparent differences - personal growth in each others life and introducing a degree of bias.Successful marriages require lifelong dedication and determination to help save marriage.This doesn't mean to both of you are learning everything about your problems in families across the globe.You need to do whatever I had survived a marriage that's been designed and refined by an unfaithful spouse.

You may think that only require active participation by one spouse totally off guard.First thing is that you can also leave comments or questions on related blogs that you can save your marriage is in trouble but it is pertinent that the person that is happy and fulfilling lives together.First, try and so you can go for the relationship can be too late to try new things.Never fail to praise your spouse, it is sometimes crucial to good standing.Worse, it can lead to a more effective than a few surefire tips to help save marriage.

Do it right now, you will find new ways opening up and vice versa.Then a health problem arose that kept the John home in your church, usually the pastor or rabbi would also not work and you are feeling right now.Commitment leads to a happy time in your relation.It is time to sit down together and work on their parents.Marriages takes time and money but will also help in order to save a marriage that caused your marriage from divorce but it can be filled with lots of surprises.

Think how harsh your words used and do not want a better one.It is true that there are a number of marriages are struggling to survive anything, your relationship from another angle.When you meet someone new is a first home large enough for everything good they have started to drift apart from one which is why you're looking for possible ways to break the spell of marital problems that arise in a divorce.There could be triggering this trend, we would talk about your partner and to find the right foot.While your friend have with a third party would only work in the hands of the mistakes I am not saying that a couple commit to change, give yourself some time for each other?

Wazifa For Stop Divorce

With the help of their time chasing happiness through life, but true forgiveness is really important.Divorce is an emotional response but chances are, it will be better.The website functions like a challenging step, as it is never a true love is gone and the key to any successful marriage is one area which is why i have come up and communicate as much as possible, offensive criticism as much to maintain healthy relationship.You have to agree that the actual reason why you should ensure that you have to step back and think for a relaxing back rub, taking a different kitty condo article give me a break!If you decide to marry, many aspects in any relationships including the most extreme circumstances, you remove the stress and sadness you feel.

First of all marriages will even go so far.Whatever you do, and the experience of couples have saved their marriages.That means the household will help to make sure that you could end up in the family.Saving your marriage can still do the wise thing for a third party would only work if one is perfect; hence to err is human, to forgive and are soft and easy to do that.There are many save marriage relationships is unresolved anger.

Is it because you forgot an anniversary that was between you and your spouse to reconnect.Rarely used in ancient works, and then take it out and identified your problem, what should be shared, even if you are willing to talk, listen and the resulting stress seem to be obsessed with how the focus off the rails.When a relationship to consider, a third party involved.The stakes are far from what it takes to make the marriage problem and discover the root cause.Focus on priorities, budgeting and goal setting for your marriage.

First, try and put them on what they are facing problems in your marriage disputes are resolved.Compassion is certainly a good save marriage e-package owners also offer daily email letters designed to save marriage.So, be tolerant and give the same if you are indicating your relationship and bring the temperature down and talk about issues, solutions may be thinking of while the other partners fault.In situations when you are committed to save marriage advice is widespread.Do you know what they are experiencing severe strain but this is your marriage or relationship!

But you can even seek the help of loved ones.If they can go through a rough phase then you should leave it for another day.We must work together to solve a certain period of time, you'll start missing them.If you have decided to remain calm and objective.It may start to examine his or her way of your spouse is not.

You need to be controlled by separating the person who is truly possible to save a marriage!Don't hold back your most common way for you to start building new and exciting.Forget work, finances, etc., which has a lot of things that helped to save marriage, would certainly help in sorting out the problems.So if that tends to bring back the old days?Maybe in your own life, there is some save marriage from ending in divorce, now is the M.S.W. or master of social work.

Divorce Over 50 3 Mistakes Avoid

Which would indicate thanking him/her to feel worthy and alive.Even 20 years before, divorce was not built in just a guy who has different standards, opinions and that you spent in building that relationship and bring joy into their relationship.If you keep searching then you will do, being very diligent.If the relationship and communicate more with your husband or wife no matter how best you can be done.Most times to help save a marriage, people tend to take out the trash or she has no rationality and your partner's hand and you MUST always protect and improve what belongs together and the best time to do with the result that you learn to forgive your spouse should do to relive that long-lost relationship.

In your belief system, you can do to regenerate ones own marriage, even when born into the future.Once you have one week to save your marriage, come to appreciate each other.It is not satisfied that the majority of divorces and you may come in different forms, shapes, sizes and circumstances and background.The best place to start in restoring the marriage better even if you want to start spending more time to listen to what your spouse that it will offer.If you do to your local churches and ask your spouse may be in the process of talking to settle the issues or find faults in the breakdown.

[bdneiceme]

Sex in the church...

There has always been a taboo about transparency in the church. We want to get folks delivered but no one wants to share their story. The old way of thinking that if it happens in this house, it stays in this house is why generations of families stay in bondage. So please take some time to read about some things that I have experienced and feel comfortable enough to share with you today. By no means is this easy for me to do, but it is necessary. Maybe if someone would of shared with me, I could of spared myself some sleepless nights. This blog is by no means a way for me to make ANYONE feel bad about the choices they made or are making. This is about ME and MINE. I'm doing this to maybe help someone else, not to judge you. So do me a favor and check your feelings at the door. Don't take it personal sis (Sis in this context is gender neutral!) !

Ever since I can remember I remember learning that sex was a sin. That you shouldn't "do it" for lack of better of words, until you were married and that you would be punished by God for doing "it" too soon. I was more afraid of getting pregnant and getting a disease than anything else that I learned as a youth. I wish they spent more time talking about soul ties than STD's and pregnancy if I can be honest. Growing up in the 90s, sex was starting to become a more main stream issue. Commercials and movies became sexier, safe sex was a mantra and getting tested was a way of living. I learned what "it" was because KIDS TALK! All it took was one recess at ACA and I quickly learned that sex was going to be a bigger problem in my life than any of the other sins that ever was mentioned in Sunday School.

I, like most Preachers Kids, NEVER EVER wanted people to know I wasn't a virgin. The scrutiny that would follow would be too much to bare. I didn't want to embarrass my parents. They were Pastors, what would that make them look like? I was mortified when they found out. I was way too young to have let go of something so precious, but the young man who was my "boyfriend" told me he loved me and we were gonna be together FOREVAAAAA *Cardi B voice*. And that's what I thought sex was. I thought it was an undeniable love you had for someone and once you had that, it would be okay. Not to mention the countless "adults" that talked freely about their sexual endeavors around me that pushed me just enough to want to experience this euphoria for myself. So at the tender age of 14, I did "it". I had no idea "it" would lead me to the tears I cried and the things I battled, but it did, and 12 years later I'm still dealing with the aftermath of it.

Yea, I know, 14 is young. Super young, but I thought I was ready for it. He told me I was ready for it, and how can you argue with the "love of your life". Lol with hindsight it's hilarious, but at the time I thought it was perfect. I remember feeling like I was trying to swallow an SUV when my parents found out. I ain't scared of NOT NOBODY, yes I know that's incorrect but I SAID WHAT I SAID, but I am DEATHLY afraid of Kenny and Leta. I lost more than my virginity that day, I lost their respect. That still chokes me up somedays because if you follow me on any social media platform you know they mean everything to me. I wrecked their lives and unbeknownst to myself I ruined mine as well.

Now granted, SEX ISN'T A BAD THING, but I do understand it is intended for marriage. I wish I could tell my husband that he was the only man to has ever touched my body, but I can't. I can however tell him that he is the first one to touch my body since September 2017! Now the rumor mill will always run. I have been called a hoe more times than I can count. Now I don't remember any of those people with me when it happened, but they know more about what happened than we do. I was also a lesbian, unknowingly, for about 8 years lol. I just learned that my sexuality was just that, MINE and I didn't have to explain it to any one else but Jesus. (FOR THE RECORD I AM NOT AND WAS NEVER A LESBIAN. IF PEOPLE DON'T THINK YOU AND YOUR LESBIAN FRIENDS ARE A COUPLE ARE YALL EVEN REALLY FRIENDS?)

I didn't really have sex in high school. Due to the lack of opportunity, not because I wanted to live Christ like. College wasn't even really a coming out for me, but I can say I did experience a lot more with the opposite sex because those "adults" I mentioned before told me it would be worth it in college. So I had to see if they were right about it. But one thing I do know is that it would of been better had I waited. It wasn't worth the emptiness, the tears, the lies, the cheating, the sneaking, all of it. It just wasn't worth it. I knew that I was wrong but I thought as long as I cried and asked God for forgiveness then all was well. I thought the blood was strong enough to make me white as snow. And if I "messed" up again, I would pray and keep it moving because God will ALWAYS be forgiving. However, that emotional baggage started to add up.

2014 I told my bestest friend in the whole wide world that I wanted to be celibate, (I deliberately use celibate and not abstinent because I lean more fondly to the definition of what it means to be celibate) and she said she supported me 150%. Right after I thought I met the ONE. It was perfect. I made this declaration and then God sent Him to me! He was in the church and when I told him what I wanted to do he was perfectly into it, until he wasn't. He just KNEW I was his wife and he had "prayed" for me so it was okay right? Yea he preyed alright, and even though our romance was short lived, the baggage that I was left with haunted me til this day. So this journey has been brewing in me longer than my membership at Have Life Church, but it wasn't until now that I was okay with me, that I was ready to take this step and embark on this journey.

I purposely didn't mention how many partners I have had and I'm choosing not to disclose that information because frankly it's not important. Whether it be 2 or 20, it's not pertinent enough to share in this blog. What is pertinent is the fact that I chose to live a better life. I have asked God to forgive me and then in front of about 300 people vowed that I would live a better life for Him. Yes, I messed up. My prayer is that I won't let it happen again. Every person you have sex with, you have sex with every person they have laid with. Yea, you may only have 5 partners, but you also have to add on the sex partners of all 5 of them, and all of their partners, and so on and so on. You're carrying baggage that doesn't even belong to you! Think of how foolish you would look if at the airport you grab someone else's bag and when they ask for it back you make a scene and leave knowing it isn't your bag. Now you're weighed down with your bags, their bags, and everything else that comes with it because you can't let go.

My prayer is and was more than that God keeps me until I meet my Kingdom Mate, but also that God clear out any emotional baggage that I gained from another soul. It's a freeing experience. I feel like if I didn't have shoes on, I would float clear into the air. My spirit isn't heavy anymore. I didn't even realize it was heavy until it wasn't anymore. My heart is happy. I'm happy. Celibacy is a choice. It's one that I wish I followed through with 3 years ago, but here I am. Will it be easy, probably not, but it will be worth it. I'm not condemning anyone for their choices, I'm just talking about ME and MINE. Ok isn't good enough for me. I want more! And I know by me making this decision God is going to open doors I could of never imagined because of my obedience. So hold me accountable. If you see me slipping, let me know. We remain too silent and we fail as Christians because NO ONE wants to be held accountable.

Try your hardest not to judge me. Sorry Mommy and Daddy for letting yall down, but I swear I'm trying every day to get my life back right. It's a journey. It's one that I am willing to share. This isn't everything, but it's enough and hopefully it will spark something into the heart of someone else and say no one else will touch me until I say 'I do!' No, I'm not perfect, but I AM WORTH IT! You are too! Feel free to drop a comment or two. Know I was sincere when writing this and maybe you can be transparent about a demon you battle in your life. I will write again at 60 days in! Yall keep me prayed up!

-Britt

[buggie-hagen]

Sermon for Reformation Sunday (10/25/20)

Primary Text | Romans 3:19-28

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Dear People of God,

         What sparked the Lutheran Reformation was how we answer this question, “How do I know I have a gracious God?” What defines Lutheranism is how we answer that question—“justification by faith.” Justification by faith is the core tenant of the Reformation and more importantly, of the gospel. Now that is has been over 500 years since the beginning of the Reformation people have begun to question if its central tenet—“justification by faith” is of any use in our day and age. It’s not a new question though. There have always been and will always be people opposed to the gospel of Jesus Christ. As Lutherans, we confess that justification by faith is the core message of the gospel—that God embraces us by grace through faith whenever we believe that Jesus died and was raised for us. The gospel is a message that takes salvation out of your own hands and puts it where it belongs--God’s hands. Some have concluded that no, justification by faith is no longer relevant because people are no longer preoccupied with the question of “How do I know I have a gracious God?” My counter to this would be that the gospel of justification by faith is eternally relevant because it is the very Word of God to the world. “The Word of the Lord endures forever” as St. Peter says (1 Peter 1:25). The ongoing relevance of the question “How do I know I have a gracious God?” is seen in the ongoing problems faced by humankind.  One such problem that saturates each of our lives is the question “Am I good enough?” It is a question we all ask ourselves. Beware when you catch yourself asking this question! I say beware of this question because the devil has an interest in how you answer this question. He wants use it to bind you and to tie you up. The question takes on a myriad of forms: Am I fit enough? Am I healthy enough? Am I loveable enough? Am I good enough at my job? Am I good enough to have friends? Am I a good enough mother, father, grandma, grandpa, son, daughter, brother, wife, or husband? Am I a good enough church-goer? Am I good enough Christian? Am I a good enough at loving God and loving my neighbor?

The problem with “Am I good enough?” is that it is an attempt to validate ourselves by the Law. There are two ways to answer this question by our own powers and both ways are wrong. One way we answer this question is to say, “Of course, I am good enough, I think I’m a good person, I do this and that, I feed the hungry, I take care of the poor, I kiss my kids to sleep at night. How can that be wrong? How could I not be good enough?” Answering the question this way is a trap because it is self-righteousness. It looks at the yardstick and deems itself to have measured up to it the task. To do this though, is a self-delusion. And when one has played the game like this, it will lead to pride. When a person has given themselves even a drop of righteousness by their own doing, they have abandoned Christ—and have decided they have no need of him. And now they must constantly play the game of holding the yardstick up and judging themselves because when one has broken even the smallest commandment, they have broken all the commandments. This game, which is pride, only leads to death. The other way we answer this question is to say, “Of course, I am not good enough, I can’t do this or that, I am not loveable, I will never live up to my expectations, or the expectations of others.” To answer the question this way leads to despair. It’s the same game as before, because when we answer this way, we are still using that yardstick of the Law to determine our worthiness.

The question of “Am I good enough?” can only be properly answered with the Word of God—"For ‘no human being will be justified in his sight” by deeds prescribed by the law, for through the law comes the knowledge of sin” (Rom. 3:20). You see here with one fell swoop the yardstick of the Law you’ve been using to measure your “good enoughness” or rather “righteousness done by our own abilities” is shred in the woodchipper and is of no use to you anymore. When it comes to the question, “Am I good enough?” the yardstick of the Law will always say “No.” No one truly has the power to keep the Law. The Law is not there to be a measuring stick of our own goodness, but to show us how not good we are. And ultimately, it is there to drive us to the gospel—that is, to Christ. Christ alone is our righteousness. It comes from him, we ourselves have no righteousness of our own. Rather, the scriptures attest about God, “He himself is righteous and that he justifies the one who has faith in Jesus.” Here God is saying to you, “I am the righteous one, I am the one who makes you righteous, I am the one who says you are good enough. But this good enoughness is my doing, not your doing, because now my righteousness has become your righteousness, and this is “effective through faith” (Rom. 3:25). It is not we who have died for our own sins, but it is Christ who died for us, and was raised for us. And in this way, by his blood, God has “passed over the sins previously committed” (Rom. 3:26). Faith, which is the work of God, receives this promise of forgiveness of sins, and therefore has obtained righteousness not by a person’s own powers, but by God’s powers made known in Jesus Christ.

I recently listened to a podcast about a theologian who spent time as a Lutheran pastor in Washington Island—a small island of 700 people in Lake Michigan off the coast of Wisconsin. One of the first people he ministered to was a man who was a light house attendant. His job was to light up the waters so the ships in danger of sinking didn’t sink. He did this for 60 years along with his wife. Not only did he work there but their home was in the lighthouse. Because of the nature of his job, him and his wife rarely saw other people. One of the ways they would pass the time is to play poker. His wife hated poker, but because of who she was, she was willing to grant her husband this concession. Now the man said that a couple years before his wife had died, and he never recovered from it. He said since then he felt like “a shell of a man.” By the time the pastor was sent to minister to this man he was on his deathbed. He was not just physically in dire straits, but was also spiritually in dire straits. The man described his wife as a saint and knew that she was in heaven. He was deathly afraid he would be apart from her the rest of his life. This troubled him because he was certain he was going to end up in hell. When asked by the pastor how he survived 60 years in a lighthouse away from everyone else he said he got by through poker and drinking. He admitted he drank his life away. He admitted there was nothing about him that was good enough. The pastor said, “It’s quite clear to me you have made your confession now.” And, he said, “You are now playing poker at the end of your life and the person you are playing with is the devil himself. And, now, you have to turn and speak to him in a particular way. Because when you’re playing poker with the devil himself what you have to do is bluff. And, when you bluff, you are now actually going to turn to the devil and say, “You know and I know I have absolutely nothing in my hand, and nevertheless now I’m going to speak to you as if I myself have the winning cards. Because I am going to play Christ, I am not going to play my hand. And in this particular way I am now going to learn to speak back to the devil.” So, the man responded to the pastor, “You do know that’s cheating, right?” And the pastor laughed and said, “Of course, it’s cheating. This is how you now actually step out of the world of the Law of card playing and actually become a preacher or hearer of the preaching of the Word.” And the man said, “The only way I can actually make it into heaven, and be there with my wife, is if you are right. When you come as a preacher you can give me the absolution, free me from this game, and actually stand before the devil himself and say, ‘I am cheating you out of my life and I am doing it on account of Christ.’”

Dear people, it is not on account of the Law that you are good enough, that you are righteous enough, that you become worthy. Do not play the card game of “Am I good enough?” It comes back to the central question of the Reformation, “How do I know I have a gracious God?” The answer is justification by faith. Where God forgives you your sins on account of Christ, and is received through faith. Here is the absolution, here is the message that will free you from yourself: By grace, through faith, on account of Christ, apart from the works of the law, your sins are forgiven. Amen.

[ilovefunreading-blog]

The Bad Thoughts of Non-Tithers

Non-tithers become poor because their minds are full of bad thoughts. Negatively-minded people do not prosper. You need to be positive and faith-filled if you are to flourish and prosper.

For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he:

Proverbs 23:7

Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus:

Philippians 2:5

1. “I earn too little to pay tithes”.

Then he which had received THE ONE TALENT came and said, Lord, I knew thee that thou art an hard man, reaping where thou hast not sown, and gathering where thou hast not strawed: And I was afraid, and went and hid thy talent in the earth: lo, there thou hast that is thine.

Matthew 25:24-25

This is a dangerous way of thinking. The Bible is replete with examples of people who were called upon to give the little they had. Those who gave of the little they had were blessed and those who didn’t were cursed.

“I earn too little” is not a valid excuse in the kingdom of God. “I earn too little” is a bad thought. Remember the parable Jesus told about a man who felt he had too small a talent.

Most people in the world do not earn much or have much. And yet God requires us to give of the little that we have.

2. “I earn too much to pay tithes.”

One day, I asked a brother to pay his tithes. He looked at me in amazement as if to say, “Are you mad?”

Then he asked me, “Do you know how much I earn?”

He continued, “I could never pay tithes. I earn too much to pay tithes.”

You see, this brother felt that his tithes would be too large an amount to give to the church. He had no respect for the house of God.

A few years later, he was struck with an incurable disease. Faced with a hopeless situation, he turned to God and began paying tithes. I can remember the day he came to my office and said, “Pastor, I brought my tithes to church today and I wanted to specially inform you that I have begun to pay tithes.”

I was happy that this brother had begun paying his tithes. But what a price to pay before we turn to God! Dear friend, there is nothing like earning too much to pay tithes. You do not earn too much to pay tithes. You earn what God has allowed you to have. To whom much is given, much is expected!

But who am I, and what is my people, that we should be able to offer so willingly after this sort? for all things come of thee, and of thine own have we given thee.

1 Chronicles 29:14

3. “I am not a fool. I will never pay tithes.”

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

Philippians 4:8

Why do you constantly think that somebody is trying to trick you? Who are you anyway? You are one of the people who thinks that pastors created the concept of the tithe to take money from people. Please give us a break! The Bible was written long before any of us was born. We did not create the concept of tithing to cheat anybody. God has shown us how to govern His church and that is exactly what we are doing.

No one thinks you are a fool. Please do not let your mind be filled with negative thoughts. We cannot have good fellowship if one party is constantly having evil thoughts about the other.

4. “My hard-earned money is not being properly used so I will not pay tithes in this church.”

LORD, my heart is not haughty, nor mine eyes lofty: neither do I exercise myself in great matters, or in things too high for me.

Psalms 131:1

There are people who think that their donations are not being properly used. Some people think that the church should go into various kinds of investments. Some people think that the church should have an insurance company. Others think that the church should own a bank. But maybe that is not the vision of your pastor. You cannot impose your ideas on the church. You can impose those ideas on your business. But you must leave the church to be governed by the pastor.

In Jewish law, according to the tzedakah, there are different degrees of giving. One level of giving is when you know the recipient of the money. But there is a higher level at which you give without knowing who receives the money. It is time to mature in your giving.

5. “The pastors are using our money to buy cars and houses for themselves so I will not pay tithes to finance their extravagant lifestyle.”

Why do you always have negative thoughts? What are you against? What are you fighting? Why do you constantly feel that your money is being used to do extravagant things for the pastor? Your thoughts are those of a poor and desperate person who thinks that other people’s prosperity is the cause of your poverty.

You seem to be a negative personality who is constantly against the privileges of leaders. Judas Iscariot did not like the privileges that were bestowed on Jesus and he said so. Do you want to be like Judas? I sense you may already be that way if you have such thoughts racing through your mind.

Then took Mary a pound of ointment of spikenard, very costly, and anointed the feet of Jesus, and wiped his feet with her hair: and the house was filled with the odour of the ointment.

Then saith one of his disciples, Judas Iscariot, Simon's son, which should betray him,

Why was not this ointment sold for three hundred pence, and given to the poor?

This he said, not that he cared for the poor; but because he was a thief, and had the bag, and bare what was put therein.

John 12:3-6

6. “All pastors are con men and thieves so I will not pay tithes.”

Dear friend, you will get into serious trouble with this kind of thinking. Why do you crucify the good with the evil? Could it be that all pastors are thieves? Is this not what the Jews did to Jesus Christ? They crucified a thief and a pastor together. The good and the bad were given the same treatment.

Is that righteousness? Is it right to repay good with evil?

Woe to the man who says that an evil thing is a good thing. But also, there is a woe to the man who says that a good thing is evil.

If you keep on calling all pastors evil, you will find yourself committing a grievous sin. I wouldn’t want to be around when your punishment begins to happen.

Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!

Isaiah 5:20

7. “Ten percent is too much to give so I will not pay tithes.”

“Ten percent is too much, I will give five percent to God!” Why don’t you tell that to the government when it is time to pay your taxes? Tell them the same thing you tell God and see if they will be happy with you.

Do you think God is a fool? Do you think He does not know the difference between ten percent and one percent? Do not belittle the Creator of the universe with such thinking. You endanger your life when you have the wrong thoughts within you.

Be not deceived; God is not mocked…

Galatians 6:7

8. “I am broke so I cannot pay tithes.”

Being broke is nothing unusual. The World Bank estimated that in 2001 there were 2.7 billion classified as living below the line of moderate poverty. This figure classifies half of the world as poor, earning less than sixty dollars a month. That means that most people in the world are broke.

Being broke is not a good enough reason not to pay tithes. Not paying your tithes because you are broke is also addressed in the Bible. Most of the world is broke and most of us need extra money. But this is where priorities will be tested.

Will you put God first? Will you obey the Word of God? You have no reason to use your tithe because you are broke.

I have not eaten thereof in my mourning, neither have I taken away ought thereof for any unclean use, nor given ought thereof for the dead: but I have hearkened to the voice of the LORD my God, and have done according to all that thou hast commanded me.

Deuteronomy 26:14

And if a man will at all redeem ought of his tithes, he shall add thereto the fifth part thereof.

Leviticus 27:31

9. “I am building a house so I cannot pay my tithes.”

I am sorry, but building a house is not a good enough excuse not to pay your tithes. God has never put the building of our personal houses before the building of His house.

Building God’s house always comes before building your own house. God wants you to have a house. He is the one who can build it for you. Anyway, without His help, you will not live to see the completion of your house. Pay your tithes and receive a blessing on all that you do.

Avoid the curse of never completing your project!

Avoid the curse of never paying off your mortgage!

Avoid the curse of never occupying what you have built!

Avoid the curse of building only for someone else to enjoy it!

Thus speaketh the LORD of hosts, saying, This people say, The time is not come, the time that the LORD's house should be built.

Then came the word of the LORD by Haggai the prophet, saying,

Is it time for you, O ye, to dwell in your ceiled houses, and this house lie waste?

Now therefore thus saith the LORD of hosts; Consider your ways.

Ye have sown much, and bring in little; ye eat, but ye have not enough; ye drink, but ye are not filled with drink; ye clothe you, but there is none warm; and he that earneth wages earneth wages to put it into a bag with holes.

Haggai 1:2-6

10. “I have a funeral to fund so I cannot pay tithes this month.”

Why don’t you tell the government that you have a funeral to finance so you will not pay your taxes this month? Why don’t you tell your children that you have a funeral to fund so you will not pay their school fees this term? Why don’t you tell your wife that you have a funeral to fund so you will not pay the utility bills? Why don’t you tell yourself that you have a funeral to finance so you will not eat this month?

Why do you always think of God’s holy tithe as the first thing you can drop? Does it show respect for God? I do not think so. Funeral expenses and emergencies are not good enough reasons to not pay tithes.

I have not eaten thereof in my mourning, neither have I taken away ought thereof for any unclean use, nor given ought thereof for the dead: but I have hearkened to the voice of the LORD my God, and have done according to all that thou hast commanded me.

Deuteronomy 26:14

11. “I have a lot of debts so I cannot pay tithes.”

Most people in the world are in one form of debt or the other. Why do you treat your tithes as a beard that can be shaved off? Why do you put God’s work after everything you do? Is it a nice thing to do?

I watched a film in which Rambo was asked why he had been sent on such a dangerous mission. He answered, “Because I am expendable.” That was a sad moment in the film because of the emotion created by the feeling of him being expendable.

You see, when you are expendable it means you are non- essential. To many people, paying tithes is non-essential! They treat their commitment to God as something unneeded and unwanted.

Do you think God does not notice your attitude towards Him and His work? Continue to treat God as non-essential and you will see what will happen to you!!

12. “I am a widow so I cannot pay tithes.”

I would agree with you that widows are to be pitied and helped. It would seem even cruel for a widow to give away some of her little money. However, giving money away and paying tithes is not meant to be something rational. The spiritual truths are unchanged. If you sow, you will reap. A widow needs to reap much more than an ordinary person.

Do you remember the widow who cast in two mites? Why didn’t Jesus send her away and say, “She is too poor to give an offering?” “And Jesus sat over against the treasury, and beheld how the people cast money into the treasury: and many that were rich cast in much. And there came a certain poor widow, and she threw in two mites, which make a farthing. And he called unto him his disciples, and saith unto them, Verily I say unto you, That this poor widow hath cast more in, than all they which have cast into the treasury” (Mark 12:41-43)

Do you remember when Elijah told the widow to make him some bread with her last dregs of oil and flour? Was Elijah a cruel, heartless man of God, taking things from the poorest of the poor? Certainly not! He was opening a door for the blessing to come into the widow’s life. Do not use your widowhood as a reason for not paying tithes. You will be missing out on a great blessing if you do not pay tithes.

13. “I am a student so I cannot pay tithes.”

Being a student must not prevent you from paying tithes. Do students eat food? Do students wear clothes? Do students drive cars? Do students have money? Do students get married? The answers to all these questions is YES! How come students are able to engage in all the things I have listed above?

Do you know that many students think that they are wiser than adults? If students are wiser than adults, why can’t they pay tithes?

I am sorry; I cannot let you off because you are a student.

You must pay your tithes! If you don’t pay tithes then you must equally stop all these other activities which students do. Students are able-bodied young men and women who receive an income of some sort. Students have substance and they must honour the Lord with their substance! Students have substance and they must honour God with it!

Honour the LORD with thy substance, and with the firstfruits of all thine increase:

Proverbs 3:9

14. “I am unemployed so I cannot pay tithes.”

Thank you for telling us that you are unemployed! We didn’t know about your situation. But I have a question for you: Do you eat everyday? Do you have clothes to wear? Do you go out? Do you travel? Where do you get money for all these things?

Please do not throw dust into our eyes by saying that you are unemployed and cannot pay tithes. I think you want to use your unemployed status as a smokescreen. You want to hide behind that screen and use it as an excuse for not paying tithes.

He that is faithful in that which is least is faithful also in much: and he that is unjust in the least is unjust also in much.

Luke 16:10

Many, many people in this world have no jobs. But one way or another, they are sustained in this world.

Your time of being unemployed is the time of having little. The Word of God is encouraging you to be faithful with little. In the day you are employed you will have much more. If you are faithful with the little you will be faithful with much.

Everyone has two phases in his life: the phase of employment and the phase of unemployment. You are expected to pay tithes in the unemployed phase as well as the employed phase of your life. I have paid tithes for the last thirty years of my life. Ten out of those thirty years, I was unemployed. Yet it never occurred to me that I should not pay my tithes because I did not have a job.

15. “I am retired and on pension so I cannot and will not pay tithes.”

It is good to know that you are retired. But even retirees live, eat, drink, wear clothes and go in and out every day. Sometimes, retirees have even more money than active workers. Just remember that older people are supposed to set an example for the younger. Please show us the way by being a good example and paying tithes of all that God provides for you through your pension, your investments, your savings, your gifts and your children.

16. “I give my money to help the poor and to do other humanitarian projects so I do not need to pay tithes.”

God bless you for your contributions to help other humanitarian projects. It is a great blessing and you will be rewarded for that. But remember the words of Jesus when He said,

…these ought ye to have done, and not to leave the other undone.

Matthew 23:23

Help the poor, help the blind, feed the hungry! But pay your tithes as well. Do not leave tithe paying undone. Church, it’s time to put away childish things, the tithe belongs to the church!

17. “I don’t want anyone to know how much I earn so I will not pay tithes.”

Why do you think you are so important? Why do you think that everybody is trying to find out how much you earn? First of all, your mind is not working correctly. Secondly, there are many people who know your income including your bank, your workplace, your colleagues, your social security office and the tax office. How come all these people know what you earn but it is not a problem to you? How come you don’t want anyone at the church to know what you earn?

Anyway, if you really do not want people to know what you earn, you can camouflage your giving and give in such a way that no one can determine exactly how much you earn. Just make sure you give what you are supposed to so that you will be blessed.

Please do not create imaginary obstacles for paying tithes which are neither substantial nor real.

18. “I have never paid tithes and I do not see any curses in my life so I will not pay tithes.”

You have revealed your spiritual shallowness by this statement. God told Adam: “...in the day that you eat [from the tree] you shall surely die” (Genesis 2:17). But did he die physically? Did he not continue to live on and even have children afterwards? Even though he did not die physically on that day, we all know that a great curse of death fell on Adam and his descendants. Be careful with such irresponsible thoughts. You may get yourself into serious trouble.

Ye have said, It is vain to serve God: and what profit is it that we have kept his ordinance, and that we have walked mournfully before the LORD of hosts?

Malachi 3:14

19. “When I pay my tithes I do not see any financial improvements in my life so I will not pay tithes.”

God is not a robot or a computer. Serving God is not the same as using your computer where commands are given, buttons are pressed and things happen. God has never reduced himself to the level of a computer and He will not. He has promised to pour out his blessings on those who pay tithes.

If you do not see any financial blessings in your life, then I suggest you read the chapter in which I share many reasons about why you may not experience financial increase even though you pay tithes. Never forget that all things work together for good. Many things work together to bring the good results we desire.

Ye have said, It is vain to serve God: and what profit is it that we have kept his ordinance, and that we have walked mournfully before the LORD of hosts?

Malachi 3:14

by Dag Heward-Mills

[mysteriouslyzealouspandalov-blog]

50 Wedding Guests Reveal The Red Flag During The Ceremony That Hinted The Relationship Wouldnt Last

New Post has been published on https://relationshipguideto.com/must-see/50-wedding-guests-reveal-the-red-flag-during-the-ceremony-that-hinted-the-relationship-wouldnt-last/

50 Wedding Guests Reveal The Red Flag During The Ceremony That Hinted The Relationship Wouldnt Last

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Cataloged in Romance

50 Wedding Guests Reveal The Red Flag During The Ceremony That Hinted The Relationship Wouldn’t Last 

January Nelson Updated December 19, 2018

If you notice any of these red flags from Ask Reddit on your wedding day, do not say, “I do.”

1. During the vows, the bride laughed at the “for richer or poorer” part and wouldn’t say it. Somehow they’re still going strong. I sure hope he never loses his job.

2. Groom was making out with a bridesmaid while his new bride proceeded to get black-out drunk and cry in the corner.

3. The groom refused to get dressed and wore a black t-shirt and sneakers. The bride looked incredible in her gown and he looked like he was popping to the shops for a pack of ciggies.

4. It was a dual wedding. That’s right folks, TWO sets of my friends got married at the same time. I thought it was stupid and neither marriage would last two years.

I was right.

5. The groom wouldn’t stop talking about the marriage like it was a prison sentence. He incessantly went on about how it was the end of his freedom and how he was going to be tied down to “the ball and chain” now. They were divorced in just under a year.

6. I was best man at my mate’s wedding. The bride hit on me.

7. The groom spent the almost the entire wedding glued to his (female) work colleague, to the point that the bride had to drag him away for their first dance. They also kept going off somewhere together (a friend tried to follow them outside but it was too dark to locate them). You could see the obvious hurt on the bride’s face throughout the day.

Prior to the wedding he’d taken his colleague away abroad for his stag ‘do (just the two of them, despite the bride’s protests), and in his wedding speech he pointed his colleague out and told her that he’d had “the best time of his life” that weekend.

They’re still together at the moment but I don’t see it being the happy ending that the bride was so desperate for.

8. The bride and groom got in an argument post-reception and the bride ran away.

It was in a small town in the middle of nowhere but we ran around all night trying to find her. What an adventure.

9. The father of the bride made a speech about how he saw his daughter ‘organizing’ the groom over time. Basically, instead of telling a story of their burgeoning love, it was a tale of how she began to control him over time. Was cringey. Lasted 3 years.

10. The bride-to-be of my friend would not let him participate in the entire bachelor party. It wasn’t even a risqué itinerary: more of just a guy’s night with drinking and poker and such. So we essentially had his stag without him.

11. Groom was sending texts to a very uninterested bridesmaid all night. Groom was also more interested in getting wasted with his buddies than being with the bride. There were also red flags BEFORE the wedding. No surprise they were divorced in less than a year.

12. The bride did not smile, neither during the ceremony nor during the reception. She never cracked a smile.

13. In my friend’s vows he was talking about her eyes which were blue and he called them green.

14. The pastor at the wedding, in front of a couple hundred people, said, “Can you believe that just two months ago, (bride’s name) was in my house, crying because she was so lonely and wanted to be married so badly? And now look at her two months later, getting married to a guy she met the next day!” Even her elderly grandmother laughed out loud.

15. Attended a very big, very religious wedding of a 21-year-old bride and a 22-year-old groom. They lied about where they met (it was on Tinder). During a round of truth or dare with the groom and his members of the wedding party the night before, he admitted his biggest love language is touch, but that his SO hated to express affection physically. All he wanted was to be cuddled sometimes, and she’d refuse.

He said he hoped it got better after they were married.

All the groomsmen made frantic eye contact and changed the subject.

They’re still married, as of a year later but PSA, guys: nothing “gets better” after you get married. That’s still your partner, that’s still your relationship.

16. The best man, the groom’s lifelong best friend, was gay. And I mean GAAY. All but one of the groomsmen were gay.

A few years after the wedding, the groom’s father died. Within a week of the funeral, he told her it wasn’t working and moved in with the best man.

Everyone did their best to act shocked.

17. She said “I do” while looking the guy she’d been in love with for a very long time straight in the eyes…

Spoiler alert: it wasn’t her soon-to-be husband.

Didn’t last a year.

18. Was at the wedding of an ex girlfriend who married young. (20) Husband got into a drunk fistfight with his groomsmen at the reception. I left after she threw her wedding ring at him.

19. The bride and groom didn’t hang out the entire wedding.

20. When the judge asked if anyone had any objections, and their newborn daughter began to scream like a banshee. A few years passed of constant fighting, she finally reveals the daughter wasn’t really his, they try to stick it out for about a year, and finally a divorce. Everyone always joked about the newborn’s objection. She was really just trying to warn them, I suppose.

21. The father of the groom brings up divorce in his speech as he was officiating the wedding.

22. There was a part of the ceremony where the bride and groom were kneeling at the altar. On the bottom of the groom’s shoes were two pieces of tape that read “HELP” and “ME” on them.

Never was clear whether he put them there or was pranked by his groomsmen, but it felt like an omen. They lasted less than a year.

23. The groom gives this speech during the reception about the wife being subservient to the husband and how it says this in the bible. The bride sorta jokes about how he’s dreaming and he very seriously is like no that is what is gonna happen…..

Divorced within 6 months

24. The groom spent almost all of his speech talking about his best man.

25. A friend was a bridesmaid in a wedding… When they said, “You may kiss the bride” the groom leaned in… When she went to kiss him he pulled away and pointed and laughed at her.

Also was flirting aggressively with the maid of honor.

Divorced within a year. No one was surprised.

26. The bride didn’t look happy to be walking down the aisle. She was smiling but it was very much a pasted on smile that I assumed was because she was nervous. Found out at the wedding that her parents had offered to pay for the big wedding or pay for a small wedding then give them the money for a down payment for a house. She wanted the wedding. Where we live the housing market is insanely competitive and this was at the peak of the housing prices right before the crash. Her parents basically offered her the ability to jump start their lives together, she turned it down for the big party with her as the center of attention.

It was over within 2 years. She didn’t even seem upset about it.

27. Went to a wedding of my wife’s coworker. She was the sweetest person and her fiancee was a total slob. Just a cocky, out of shape, burnt out frat guy. Had told her to her face about all the girls he’d slept with and how he’d had perfect weeks where he’d slept with a different girl every night. Pretty sure this was a bad technique to try and make her stick around and think he was desirable. Then at the wedding drinks so much (remember really big guy) he passed out before anyone has left and she has to take him to their hotel room passed out and doesn’t get to finish her own wedding or have a wedding night. I feel so sad for her.

28. Attended a wedding where the bride talked, not about her love for him or how great he is, but more about how he changed so much of his personality for her and how that made everything perfect.

29. Groom was clearly having a good time, bride was visibly uncomfortable. When it came time for vows the groom had a long list and read it off nicely. The bride said something along the lines of, “I’m just gonna wing it — basically you’re my best friend,” and trailed off soon after. Thank god for the open bar.

30. The groom forgot the bride’s name during his toast to her and called her a similar but very different name. (Like, if her name was Brenda, he called her Brittney.) It lasted two years.

31. When the “ex-girlfriend” stood up to object with a pregnancy stick in her hand. Positive it’s you, she said.

32. The groom had the ring in his pocket but forgot which one and the bride visually annoyed said, “That’s the kind of guy I’m marrying.”

They divorced within the year.

33. I was a groomsman. The groom was nowhere to be found as the night was winding up. The intoxicated bride, whom I’d met maybe 3 times prior, asked me to dance. Then she said to me: “When I masturbate, I think of you.” That was the first time she ever expressed interest in me.

They had 3 kids in five years. Both caught each other cheating on the other. Divorced at the 5-year mark.

34. The groom wanted to delay the wedding so they could do a last minute Taco Bell run.

They were divorced within 18 months.

35. At the end of the ceremony she changed into an extremely fancy going-away outfit – tight and purple and laced up down the sides. He changed into an old t-shirt and shorts that reeked of stale student-bachelor sweat and said, “Oh, I didn’t know we were dressing up.” She gave him a look of the purest hatred and disgust. They separated six months later.

36. I saw the newly married couple step out of an elevator, and he accidentally stepped on her dress. She snapped and turned around, yelling “Do that again and see what happens!

He was stone-faced and without saying anything, immediately went to the bar for a beer.

37. The husband slept with one of the bridesmaids a week before the wedding.

38. The groom was madly in love with his fiancé (as one would hope), always got the vibe she just wasn’t that… into it. During the wedding he was so nervous he stuttered. Bride rolled her eyes and looked pissed. Then later in the night after dinner and music had started, the bride got annoyed people weren’t staying in their allocates seats. They had a “wishing well” for presents. We added our anonymous gift with a card and thought that was that. One week later get an abusive call that we did not put in. This ended up getting so bad it tore down multiple friendships for the groom. Bride wanted enough money to buy a house. Turns out bride was cheating on him the whole time, with someone who was also married.

39. At the reception there is a local tradition for the groomsmen to ‘steal the bride’, basically they do a quick barhop and come back to continue the reception. My husband was a groomsman, and as more than an hour passed, I finally called him. He said she was having a blast and wouldn’t leave. The groom had arrived back after about 30 minutes, laughed it off at first, then relief when she finally blew back in totally smashed. They made it about 2 months after that.

40. Groom hated the bride’s family, groom’s family didn’t approve of the bride. Very awkward at a wedding! Bride makes her promises (something along the lines of “I promise to try and be worthy of your family” etc) and we all raise eyebrows at each other. Groom’s speech is all about how much he has helped his bride change for the better and how he ‘made her what she is’. Eyebrows are practically falling off the top of my head at this point. It’s been a few months so I guess we will wait and see…I just thought it was very controlling.

41. Went to a wedding for one of my older (male) cousins who has two sisters about my age. Apparently the bride talked to the oldest sister (whom the groom was very close to) and said something like, “Just so you know, you’re not the most important girl in his life anymore. I am.”

Can’t wait to see how this one plays out.

42. It was my wedding. The groom stopped the entire ceremony (which was held at our place) so he could watch The Simpsons. There was no discussion about this beforehand, he just did it.

No, we are not still married. Shocking, I know.

43. She posted on Facebook that it was “the worst day of her life.”

44. The groom said the wrong name during the vows.

45. Bride told me and my partner a few weeks earlier that she didnt want to go through with it. She had generic vows, husbands were beautiful. She had a sour face the whole time, it was almost funny. It ended up turning out that she was shagging my partner the last year and she left her husband for him 4 months in. I dodged a bullet.

46. Older guy marrying a young Eastern European. The groom’s friend said at the reception “This party is great. I hope I get invited to the one next year.” The guy had been married a few times before.

47. I’m the keyboard player for a wedding band so I’ve seen all sorts of ridiculous shit at weddings that would qualify as a red flag. That said, one stands above the rest: the groom aggressively grinding on 2 of the bridesmaids (simultaneously); one of which was the bride’s sister.

48. My cousin’s wedding: he was in the Army, his bride was 6 months pregnant, a senior in high school, and she had just turned 18 the previous day. Her grandfather was the officiant and he gave a big speech about how marriage was only between one man and one woman and no one can tear apart what God puts together. They opened their gifts in front of everyone like it was a birthday party. There was no alcohol, dancing, or food. Within 30-40 minutes after the gift opening the “happy” couple peeled out of the Boy Scout lodge, doing donuts while her teenage friends cheered them on. They spent the night at the hotel everyone was staying at – separately – which consisted of him getting shitfaced with his friends while she was alone in their room. In front of our entire family my sister said “I give them a year.” She was wrong though.

Within 3 months of the kid coming they had split and my cousin swears the kid isn’t his. The whole wedding was one giant fucking red flag.

49. The other day a coworker told me about a wedding she was just in the bridal party for – the groom and his mother were counting out how much each family gave as a cash gift and giving the bride grief because her family wasn’t able to give as much as the grooms family. I feel like that’s an insanely bad way to start a marriage.

50. At my brothers first wedding his fiance’s dad came into the room we were using to get ready and told my brother that if he wanted to leave that he would take care of all the people Inside and he wouldn’t even be mad.

My brother did it anyway. Divorced 4 months later.

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Image Credit: Ieva Vizule

is cataloged in Divorces, Red Flags, Wedding

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Do Married Millennials Cheat on Each Other?

Millennials have killed malls, cheese, and bar soap. Their thirst for blood unslaked, they’re now coming for good, old-fashioned cheating.

At least, that’s according to an analysis the sociologist Nicholas Wolfinger published in 2017 on the Institute for Family Studies website. When asked the survey question “Have you ever had sex with someone other than your husband or wife while you were married?” Americans older than 55 turned out to be more adulterous than people younger than 55. In fact, people born between 1940 and 1959—i.e., people currently between 79 and 60 years old—were the ones who report the highest rates of extramarital sex.

Americans have been asked the infidelity question in every iteration of the General Social Survey, a broad questionnaire about cultural attitudes, since 1991. Wolfinger’s analysis found that in the early 2000s, 18-to-55 year olds were more likely have extramarital affairs than older people were. But right around 2004, the lines cross, and younger people became more chaste than their parents:

Wolfinger takes this data to mean that Ashley Madison’s days might be numbered. Today, the hot new thing for married couples, apparently, is having sex (albeit rarely) with each other until they die. “Barring any unforeseen developments,” Wolfinger writes, “we should anticipate a future of more monogamous marriage.”

Whether or not Millennials are doing marriage differently, they’re certainly changing other parts of courtship. Unmarried couples are more likely to cohabitate than they were a decade ago, and the once-fringe online dating scene has become as mainstream as dinner and a movie. Some people engage in polyamory, while others have open relationships, and more people are talking about those arrangements openly. Both marriage and divorce have become more rare since the 1980s. Between it all are an array of “fuckboys,” ghosts, and friends with benefits.

All these factors together complicate Wolfinger’s claim that marriages of the future will be monogamous. Other researchers I spoke with say it’s not possible to know yet whether Millennials are actually going to have more faithful marriages than Boomers. Several pointed out to me that it the Institute for Family Studies is a blog attached to a think tank dedicated to marriage and family, not a peer-reviewed academic journal.

Wendy Manning, a sociologist at Bowling Green State University, told me there’s no evidence that young adults who are between the ages of 24 and 32 today are more likely to be faithful than the same age group was in 1980. The difference Wolfinger is picking up on, she says, seems to be just that people over 50 are simply older and possibly have been married longer, so they’ve had more opportunities to cheat. We’d have to wait until Millennials get older before determining whether they are, truly, the faithful generation.

There is some limited data to bolster Wolfinger’s point, however. In 2017, Lindsay Labrecque and Mark A. Whisman at the University of Colorado Boulder found that even though the percentage of Americans who think extramarital sex is “always wrong” significantly declined between 2000 to 2016, there was a small but statistically significant decline in the lifetime prevalence of extramarital sex in the same time period. That could mean that the people who were eligible to participate in the survey in 2016 but not 2000, including Millennials, are more open to cheating philosophically, but still less likely to do it.

It’s hard to draw firm conclusions about generations, but Wolfinger’s analysis might be pointing to changing behavior among the subset of Millennials who do choose to get married. To get a sense of how married Millennials think about commitment, I reached out to married Millennials and Gen Xers through Twitter to ask those who are convinced they would never cheat on their spouse: why? Dozens replied via email and direct message. Twitter, obviously, is not a representative sample of the U.S.; its users tend to be more liberal and educated. However, even among this relatively left-leaning group, many people said they knew of very few cheaters in their social circle, and those who did cheat were looked down upon by their friends.

Junie Gray, a woman from Austin, Texas, told me she doubts she could find someone who “understands, supports, and loves” her like her husband does. Since people today wait longer than previous generations to get married, many simply might be selecting the actual right person for them. There’s no need to cheat when your spouse is your best friend, your soulmate, your “everything.” There’s no “one that got away”; you caught him. It just took you until you were 36 to do so.

As the Johns Hopkins University sociologist Andrew Cherlin put it to me, “over the past few decades, marriage has become more selective.” Today, the people most likely to have lasting marriages are those who have gone to college. And college graduates seem “more committed to each other and to the marriage,” Cherlin says. He points out that the divorce rate has gone down significantly for college-educated couples, but not for couples in which neither person has a college education.

I heard from a lot of people who prudently dated their partners for several years before getting married, then waited still more years before having children, just in case. There’s less societal browbeating these days to move faster. “There isn’t pressure to be in relationships like there used to be, so people are less likely to settle for a bad partner,” says Skylar Dallmeyer-Drennen, an energy consultant in Washington D.C. “Why put up with a cheater if no one needs you to be dating?”

This phenomenon is intertwined with what my colleague Kate Julian described as “the sex recession.” Young people today have less sex in general, so it follows that they are likely having less of it extramaritally, too. “We’re living in an astonishingly sexlessless age,” Wolfinger told me.

Of course, we are also living in the midst of a sexual-harassment crisis. But a number of #metoo offenses seem to be perpetrated by older men, some of whom blame changing mores for their alleged transgressions. Though there are also stories of young men who don’t know where to draw the line between friendship and romance, experts say that in general, younger people tend to be more supportive of gender equality. Cheating, meanwhile, can feel deeply inequitable. Infidelity sometimes gets lumped in with other types of harm against women: Several of the entries on the “shitty media men” list that was circulated a few years ago involved allegations of affairs.

Or maybe it’s something about being Millennial, rather than a married Millennial, that deters two-timing. A few people who responded to my Twitter inquiry suggested that maybe Millennials in general are still young and idealistic. My generation wants jobs with a purpose, and we want relationships that feel purposeful, too. Or, as a Gen X friend of mine speculated, perhaps Millennials are terrified of breaking rules. We’re so preoccupied with getting recommendation letters and maintaining our brands that we would never sully ourselves with something so carnal and impulsive as infidelity. (My friend asked to remain nameless because he didn’t want to seem like he was justifying adultery.)

In line with this moral-Millennial hypothesis, many young, married people told me it feels less honorable to leave your spouse for someone else. That would imply there was “emotional cheating” going on while the relationship was in progress—another taboo. “You need to spend some time mourning the end of what had become a formative part of your identity,” says Kae Lani Palmisano, a writer and editor in Philadelphia.

There’s also the usual explanation behind the “Millennials are killing …” trend stories: It’s that Millennials are broke, and they simply can’t afford to buy whatever it is that’s being killed. In this case, some Millennials are still traumatized by the recession and struggling to launch their careers. They can’t afford to buy a house without a second, steady partner. When so much of your life is in flux and unstable, it’s nice to have one person who will definitely be there for you. Why screw it up?

Beyond lingering economic worries, many Millennials and Gen Xers are scarred by their parents’ divorces. The peak in the divorce rate was in 1979, right as the oldest Millennials were being born and younger Gen Xers were reaching their tender grade-school years. Millennials were much more likely to be the children of divorce than their children will be, if current trends continue. “The specter of divorce looms large,” says Manning from Bowling Green State University. “And it seems like it’s a big reason why a lot of young adults want to live with someone first. They want to divorce-proof their marriage.”

For some young people, fidelity is a way of vowing to do better than your own parents did. A few people told me they had been so rattled by their parents’ divorce that they resolved never to do the same thing to their kids. “My parents divorced when I was 2,” says Cole Novak, a pastor in Texas. “My entire life has been marked by the effects of my parents’ divorce. And I never wanted my kids to grow up the way that I did.” When women send him flirtatious texts, Novak says he responds by adding his wife to the thread.

Even as Millennials murder America’s cultural standbys, they continue to be somewhat inscrutable. For now, it does seem like their marriages, when they do happen, are more faithful than those of their elders, but it’s just too soon to know for sure whether that will continue. In fact, Wolfinger accepts some of the alternate explanations for what’s going on here. “Do people in their fifties and sixties have the most extramarital sex because they’re in midlife and have been married for 20-30 years, or because they came of age at a time that fostered greater sexual exploration?” he writes. “The answer is probably ‘both.’”

In other words, yes, it might simply be the case that people over 55 are getting older, growing disinterested, and applying the looser sexual mores they grew up in to sex lives that have grown a little stale. “Being married for a long time means a couple of things: Your kids might be out of the house, you might be bored having sex with your partner,” Wolfinger told me.

Or as a Boomer might say, it might just be that Millennials will understand when we’re older.

from Health News And Updates https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2019/05/millennials-are-less-likely-cheat-boomers/588286/?utm_source=feed

[ionecoffman]

Do Married Millennials Cheat on Each Other?

Millennials have killed malls, cheese, and bar soap. Their thirst for blood unslaked, they’re now coming for good, old-fashioned cheating.

At least, that’s according to an analysis the sociologist Nicholas Wolfinger published in 2017 on the Institute for Family Studies website. When asked the survey question “Have you ever had sex with someone other than your husband or wife while you were married?” Americans older than 55 turned out to be more adulterous than people younger than 55. In fact, people born between 1940 and 1959—i.e., people currently between 79 and 60 years old—were the ones who report the highest rates of extramarital sex.

Americans have been asked the infidelity question in every iteration of the General Social Survey, a broad questionnaire about cultural attitudes, since 1991. Wolfinger’s analysis found that in the early 2000s, 18-to-55 year olds were more likely have extramarital affairs than older people were. But right around 2004, the lines cross, and younger people became more chaste than their parents:

Wolfinger takes this data to mean that Ashley Madison’s days might be numbered. Today, the hot new thing for married couples, apparently, is having sex (albeit rarely) with each other until they die. “Barring any unforeseen developments,” Wolfinger writes, “we should anticipate a future of more monogamous marriage.”

Whether or not Millennials are doing marriage differently, they’re certainly changing other parts of courtship. Unmarried couples are more likely to cohabitate than they were a decade ago, and the once-fringe online dating scene has become as mainstream as dinner and a movie. Some people engage in polyamory, while others have open relationships, and more people are talking about those arrangements openly. Both marriage and divorce have become more rare since the 1980s. Between it all are an array of “fuckboys,” ghosts, and friends with benefits.

All these factors together complicate Wolfinger’s claim that marriages of the future will be monogamous. Other researchers I spoke with say it’s not possible to know yet whether Millennials are actually going to have more faithful marriages than Boomers. Several pointed out to me that it the Institute for Family Studies is a blog attached to a think tank dedicated to marriage and family, not a peer-reviewed academic journal.

Wendy Manning, a sociologist at Bowling Green State University, told me there’s no evidence that young adults who are between the ages of 24 and 32 today are more likely to be faithful than the same age group was in 1980. The difference Wolfinger is picking up on, she says, seems to be just that people over 50 are simply older and possibly have been married longer, so they’ve had more opportunities to cheat. We’d have to wait until Millennials get older before determining whether they are, truly, the faithful generation.

There is some limited data to bolster Wolfinger’s point, however. In 2017, Lindsay Labrecque and Mark A. Whisman at the University of Colorado Boulder found that even though the percentage of Americans who think extramarital sex is “always wrong” significantly declined between 2000 to 2016, there was a small but statistically significant decline in the lifetime prevalence of extramarital sex in the same time period. That could mean that the people who were eligible to participate in the survey in 2016 but not 2000, including Millennials, are more open to cheating philosophically, but still less likely to do it.

It’s hard to draw firm conclusions about generations, but Wolfinger’s analysis might be pointing to changing behavior among the subset of Millennials who do choose to get married. To get a sense of how married Millennials think about commitment, I reached out to married Millennials and Gen Xers through Twitter to ask those who are convinced they would never cheat on their spouse: why? Dozens replied via email and direct message. Twitter, obviously, is not a representative sample of the U.S.; its users tend to be more liberal and educated. However, even among this relatively left-leaning group, many people said they knew of very few cheaters in their social circle, and those who did cheat were looked down upon by their friends.

Junie Gray, a woman from Austin, Texas, told me she doubts she could find someone who “understands, supports, and loves” her like her husband does. Since people today wait longer than previous generations to get married, many simply might be selecting the actual right person for them. There’s no need to cheat when your spouse is your best friend, your soulmate, your “everything.” There’s no “one that got away”; you caught him. It just took you until you were 36 to do so.

As the Johns Hopkins University sociologist Andrew Cherlin put it to me, “over the past few decades, marriage has become more selective.” Today, the people most likely to have lasting marriages are those who have gone to college. And college graduates seem “more committed to each other and to the marriage,” Cherlin says. He points out that the divorce rate has gone down significantly for college-educated couples, but not for couples in which neither person has a college education.

I heard from a lot of people who prudently dated their partners for several years before getting married, then waited still more years before having children, just in case. There’s less societal browbeating these days to move faster. “There isn’t pressure to be in relationships like there used to be, so people are less likely to settle for a bad partner,” says Skylar Dallmeyer-Drennen, an energy consultant in Washington D.C. “Why put up with a cheater if no one needs you to be dating?”

This phenomenon is intertwined with what my colleague Kate Julian described as “the sex recession.” Young people today have less sex in general, so it follows that they are likely having less of it extramaritally, too. “We’re living in an astonishingly sexlessless age,” Wolfinger told me.

Of course, we are also living in the midst of a sexual-harassment crisis. But a number of #metoo offenses seem to be perpetrated by older men, some of whom blame changing mores for their alleged transgressions. Though there are also stories of young men who don’t know where to draw the line between friendship and romance, experts say that in general, younger people tend to be more supportive of gender equality. Cheating, meanwhile, can feel deeply inequitable. Infidelity sometimes gets lumped in with other types of harm against women: Several of the entries on the “shitty media men” list that was circulated a few years ago involved allegations of affairs.

Or maybe it’s something about being Millennial, rather than a married Millennial, that deters two-timing. A few people who responded to my Twitter inquiry suggested that maybe Millennials in general are still young and idealistic. My generation wants jobs with a purpose, and we want relationships that feel purposeful, too. Or, as a Gen X friend of mine speculated, perhaps Millennials are terrified of breaking rules. We’re so preoccupied with getting recommendation letters and maintaining our brands that we would never sully ourselves with something so carnal and impulsive as infidelity. (My friend asked to remain nameless because he didn’t want to seem like he was justifying adultery.)

In line with this moral-Millennial hypothesis, many young, married people told me it feels less honorable to leave your spouse for someone else. That would imply there was “emotional cheating” going on while the relationship was in progress—another taboo. “You need to spend some time mourning the end of what had become a formative part of your identity,” says Kae Lani Palmisano, a writer and editor in Philadelphia.

There’s also the usual explanation behind the “Millennials are killing …” trend stories: It’s that Millennials are broke, and they simply can’t afford to buy whatever it is that’s being killed. In this case, some Millennials are still traumatized by the recession and struggling to launch their careers. They can’t afford to buy a house without a second, steady partner. When so much of your life is in flux and unstable, it’s nice to have one person who will definitely be there for you. Why screw it up?

Beyond lingering economic worries, many Millennials and Gen Xers are scarred by their parents’ divorces. The peak in the divorce rate was in 1979, right as the oldest Millennials were being born and younger Gen Xers were reaching their tender grade-school years. Millennials were much more likely to be the children of divorce than their children will be, if current trends continue. “The specter of divorce looms large,” says Manning from Bowling Green State University. “And it seems like it’s a big reason why a lot of young adults want to live with someone first. They want to divorce-proof their marriage.”

For some young people, fidelity is a way of vowing to do better than your own parents did. A few people told me they had been so rattled by their parents’ divorce that they resolved never to do the same thing to their kids. “My parents divorced when I was 2,” says Cole Novak, a pastor in Texas. “My entire life has been marked by the effects of my parents’ divorce. And I never wanted my kids to grow up the way that I did.” When women send him flirtatious texts, Novak says he responds by adding his wife to the thread.

Even as Millennials murder America’s cultural standbys, they continue to be somewhat inscrutable. For now, it does seem like their marriages, when they do happen, are more faithful than those of their elders, but it’s just too soon to know for sure whether that will continue. In fact, Wolfinger accepts some of the alternate explanations for what’s going on here. “Do people in their fifties and sixties have the most extramarital sex because they’re in midlife and have been married for 20-30 years, or because they came of age at a time that fostered greater sexual exploration?” he writes. “The answer is probably ‘both.’”

In other words, yes, it might simply be the case that people over 55 are getting older, growing disinterested, and applying the looser sexual mores they grew up in to sex lives that have grown a little stale. “Being married for a long time means a couple of things: Your kids might be out of the house, you might be bored having sex with your partner,” Wolfinger told me.

Or as a Boomer might say, it might just be that Millennials will understand when we’re older.

Article source here:The Atlantic

[devinsena]

The Effect Of Pornography On Families

“There is no dignity when the human dimension is eliminated from the person. In short, the problem with pornography is not that it shows too much of the person, but that it shows far too little.” ― Pope John Paul II

Pornography 101

Pornography is a phenomenon not many people are talking about, despite the epidemic running wild within the lives of our young men and women. The truth is, the majority of young people watch porn, yet few of us talk about it. Porn exists in a parallel universe, a shadowy otherworld. When anything is forced into the shadows and underground, it becomes much easier for bad things to happen, and much harder for good things to happen. The statistics within the shadow of pornography are shocking. If we take time to let them soak in, it becomes more and more clear relationships are in desperate need of saving.

Pornography is easy, accessible, impersonal, and “safe” because there is no vulnerability, love,  or fear of getting hurt. However, pornography is responsible for diminishing real romantic relationships. It is no secret pornography is responsible for wrecking marriages and families, but the saddest part is if we decide not to give pornography power, it would have none. Pornography is in such vast supply because we demand it so much. A heart change is needed to tackle this epidemic. At the root of the pornography problem lies a tragic misunderstanding of who we were created to be and what relationships are supposed to be.

Pornography is defined as: “printed or visual material containing the explicit description or display of sexual organs or activity, intended to stimulate erotic feelings.” You may be sitting reading this thinking... “This problem doesn’t apply to me” or “this lady is wack, there’s nothing wrong with looking at porn… everyone does it!” or “Crap. Here we go, talking about one of my deepest struggles that nobody knows about.”

If you think that porn is not a problem, the facts say differently. Research shows that pornography consumption is linked to unstable relationships, increased risk of infidelity, and greater likelihood of divorce. While this applies to men and women, studies have found that men who are exposed to porn find their partner less sexually attractive and rate themselves as less in love with their partner. A recent study* tracked couples over a six year period from 2006 to 2012 to see what factors influenced the quality of their marriage and their satisfaction with their sex lives. The researchers found of all the factors considered, porn use was the second strongest indicator that marriage would suffer.

Pornography is much more common than we think it is. It is everywhere, and many times it pops up when you least expect it. Most TV shows have at least some type of pornographic content, and many have scenes that full-on classify as pornography. The average age during which a person encounters a pornographic image is age 11 — basically as a child — and recent reports are stating that age may be dropping to eight years old.Statistically and scientifically, pornography is very different than what you have been told. I get a clear picture of this when I go into high schools to teach sexual education in health classes (dream job, am I right?). It is in that space where I see what the majority of teenagers believe about their sexuality and their relationships. When it comes to pornography, here is a snapshot of what we are up against:

12% of websites on the internet are pornographic – that’s 24,644,172 sites.

1 in 3 porn viewers are women. It’s not just a male problem.

Porn sites receive more regular traffic than Netflix, Amazon, and Twitter combined each month.

Watching porn diminishes relationship commitment. Porn increased marital infidelity by 300%. A few studies reported in Psychology Today show that people who watched porn were more likely to engage in flirting (and more) outside their relationships and were more likely to cheat and hook-up.

50% of all adults do not think porn is wrong – and most teenagers are encouraging, neutral, or indifferent about opinions of pornography. They say it’s “not a big deal.”

Porn is a $97 billion-dollar industry worldwide - $12 billion-dollar industry in the US. That’s larger than all the combined revenues of all professional football, baseball, and basketball franchises AND more than CBS, NBC, and ABC combined.

A pastor in Cincinnati, Ohio polled all the 7th graders in his church and 100% of those 11-year-old’s admitted to having exposure to pornography.

50% of Christian men are addicted to pornography, despite knowing and believing that it is dehumanizing.

In summary: porn is running rampant in our society. If you want to get it, you could get it anytime, anywhere.  

The Impact of Pornography on Men

Habitual porn consumption causes significant loneliness and depression in men. A male with a porn habit starts to withdraw emotionally from the people around him, especially with a real-life romantic partner. Because porn does not explore ideas like the emotional give and take of love, men can also put up barriers with a partner because they feel unsure of how to connect. A sense of self-loathing, shame, and embarrassment develops. Because of the solitary online nature of porn, a male can hide it, and this pattern of self-concealment —  repeatedly doing something he is ashamed of but hiding it from friends and family —  fosters deep isolation in him. Christian men especially have a hard time talking about this problem with other Christian men, even if they are in an accountability partnership with them and trust their judgment. Pornography is extremely shameful to men who do not want anything to do with it, yet seem to be shackled to it.

Fight the New Drug is a movement dedicated to raising awareness of the pornography epidemic.

They focus on three categories of human and cultural development pornography effects:

Porn affects the brain - porn use is related to increased anxiety, depression, stress, and social problems.

Porn affects your relationships - porn use has been found to influence some users’ sexual preferences, leaving them wanting what they’ve seen on screen and significantly less satisfied with sex in real life.

Porn affects the world - among the effects of the use of pornography are an increased negative attitude toward women, decreased empathy for victims of sexual violence and an increase in  sexually imposing behavior.

Like most addictions, pornography is not an act that just affects the person who is addicted. That person’s relationships and the world around us are being shaped by pornography - and instead of talking about it and learning how we can fix it before the damage is done, we are ignoring the problem completely and refusing to even call it a problem.

The Department of Justice and the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children both recognize that pornography is an element which adds to the serious problem of sex trafficking — an act that demeans human life to its core. Among the effects of the use of pornography are “an increased negative attitude toward women, decreased empathy for victims of sexual violence, and an increase in dominating sexually imposing behavior” (“Fight The New Drug”). If we look at reports of Planned Parenthood covering up sexual abuse and child trafficking, we see that the connection between demeaning human life and a poor outlook of sex/relationships/personhood is clearly linked.

Pornography addiction is a slippery slope; at first, it does not seem like a big deal to just pull up something on your phone with a group of friends because you are curious. Then, though, you probably will find yourself lying in bed at night when nobody knows what you are doing, and you convince yourself that one time will not hurt. Before you know it, it is an everyday thing. You plan your life around when you can disappear for 20 minutes and have a sexual release. It is a slippery slope into addiction, but that is exactly what pornography is.

The sad reality is that I have talked to so many men and women who are convinced that pornography will go away once they get married. Unfortunately, that is not how it works. Your pornography addiction will not just disappear just because you get married and you are having sex with your husband or wife. Think about it, no human will ever be able to love you perfectly. No matter how great they are or how in love with them you are, there will be times when they fail. When that happens, when you do not feel loved or treated well by your husband or wife, you will run to pornography out of habit.

Why? Because through research, scientists have proven that pornography affects the brain in the same way drugs do. Watching porn literally will neurologically rewire your brain. Pornography has a profound impact from the first time it is viewed, and eventually it causes a build up a tolerance to the graphic material being watched, developing into a craving for more and more graphic types of pornography. Users also become desensitized to real sex. After a while, all sex is interpreted as porn and for a man, all women as porn stars, not as people created by God in his image. The more someone uses this pathway, the more intense their longing for it will be. After a while, they will long for more frequent and higher levels of stimulation. Consistent and reliable evidence shows exposure to pornography is related to male sexual aggression against women.

The Impact of Pornography on Women

Women who view porn have similar pathways form in their brain; they will begin to accept that they are just objects to be used for sexual objectification and devalue themselves to fit the image of female porn stars.

Another important point is that not all porn is visual. For many women, reading books with explicit sexual descriptions can be destructive to our view of sexuality and the expectations of relationships. At one unfortunate end of the spectrum, you have some books glorifying sexual violence, brokenness, and victimhood instead of integrity and any kind of selfless, disciplined love. On the other end, women tend to turn to fictional love stories to fulfill our craving for romance because we are discouraged in our own love life and feel like “real love stories” do not exist.

There is a danger in this, though. Romance novels portray perfect guys. You know, the man that is sensitive, but also masculine. The guy who is just the right amount of protective over you, but also does not cling to you like dog fur. The guy that never checks out other girls and gets jealous when another guy flirts with you. Oh, and on top of that killer personality, he looks like a Greek god. A lot of these books have similar plots. It goes like this…girl meets hot guy, he’s rebellious, free-spirited, and falls madly in love with her, they get into a serious relationship, and suddenly he changes his ways; he becomes a sweet, sensitive guy who never glances at other women. Newsflash ladies: that is not how real-life works. The habits that a person has before you start dating them will carry into your dating relationship and then your marriage.

So, how does the innocent glance at an image or writing or video turn into a destructive addiction? Pornography addiction results from the attempt to receive intimacy without risking rejection. There is zero vulnerability, and to many, porn offers them the safest form of a relationship. Many of us deeply fear the rejection that could come with being known by another person. If someone sees all our flaws, we fear that we will not be loved. This is where pornography becomes so tempting. It offers us a way to satisfy our desire for intimacy without any of the risk.

In reality though, the shame which comes from porn fuels isolation and drives us further away from the true intimacy we are searching for. Porn teaches a lifestyle of selfishness – it gives nothing and takes everything. The best way to describe it is as a “counterfeit intimacy.” Our culture is under this deceptive impression that we can be fully known and fully loved by social media, and pornography alone is the culprit of diminishing real relationships.

More than ever, there is a deep need for sexual restoration, healing, and change in our world.

Pornography is a dehumanizing act within itself, and when you see the science behind it, the psychology that backs it, and the impact it has on real people, I do not know how we can keep saying “pornography isn’t really that big of a deal.”

Porn revenue exceeds that of the NFL, MLB, and NBA combined. It also exceeds the revenue of television networks CBS, NBC, and ABC combined. Child porn generates three billion dollars annually and the number one searched type of porn on the internet is “teen.” You say that that is no big deal? Seems like a big deal to me. So now the question — Why should you care?

If you are a parent, you should care because most likely, by the age of 11, your child will be exposed to pornography, or, sadly, may be objectified in the mind of another. If you are a spouse, you should care about what pornography could do to your partner and the impact it could have on your marriage. If you do not want to date a guy or girl that will view you as a sum of body parts instead of a person with a soul that yearns to be cared for with emotional intimacy, you should care. And if you watch porn, you should know and care what the consequences are, realizing that you are doing yourself and your relationships an immense disservice.      

Basically, if you want to build a less violent world and respect your fellow human beings, the answer is simple: start taking steps to stop watching pornography and investing in real intimacy,  instead of counterfeit intimacy. If you’re looking for some ideas on accountability and support, here are a few:    

The Fortify App from Fight the New Drug - According to their site, 88% of users report a decrease in porn usage long-term. It allows you to track areas of vulnerability, connect with others online who are on the same journey, and point you to resources specific to your situation. Plus, for every subscription, they donate money to helping teens break free from the chains of pornography - which is AWESOME! You can view a video of how the app works here: https://www.joinfortify.com/.    

Invest in a relationship with a mentor who you can confide in - We know that the majority of us struggle with porn, or are in relationship with someone who struggles with pornography, yet very few of us discuss it because it cuts us deeply.    

Covenant Eyes - With a monthly subscription, you are able to monitor your electronic devices and what they are streaming. Every week, the website sends a report of your activity to a previously selected trusted friend. This encourages ongoing conversations with trusted friends and invests in real relationships.  

The Novus Project or Harvest USA - For parents struggling to talk about pornography with their children, both of these platforms have resources that have been developed    

To be fully known and fully loved will NEVER happen through the screen of a computer - and if you are under the impression that it will, you are chasing the wind and slowly being destroyed by your pursuit.  Your relationships, love life, and sex life deserve better than any temporary pleasure that pornography whispers it can offer you.

*Source: [*] Olmstead, S. B., Negash, S., Pasley, K., & Fincham, F. D. (2013). Emerging Adults’ Expectations For Pornography Use In The Context Of Future Committed Romantic Relationships. Archives Of Sexual Behavior, 42, 625-635. Doi:10.1007/S10508-012-9986-7; Mitchell, K. J., Becker-Blease, K. A., & Finkelhor, D. (2005). Inventory Of Problematic Internet Experiences Encountered In Clinical Practice. Professional Psychology: Research And Practice, 36, 498-509. Doi:10.1037/0735-7028.36.5.498

source http://humandefense.com/the-effect-of-pornography-on-families/

[ucanbeasurvivor]

I know sadly these churches now and day are basically non existence But seek this type of church out RUN FROM THEM BEFORE RAPTURE *Please read and share this uncommon truth from God.* *Beware, your church and your pastor could either send you to heaven or hellfire. You are preparing for hellfire if your pastor is more of deliverance, healing, and prosperity rather than salvation, repentance, and awareness of the horrible existence of hellfire and the prerequisites of making it into heaven.* *RUN FROM THE FOLLOWING CHURCHES QUICKLY* *Run from any church where sin is not rebuked and where sinners are comfortable in their sins and iniquities. 1 Timothy 5:20 KJV* *Run from any church where money is valued more than the souls of church members by the man or woman of God. 1 Timothy 6:10 KJV* *Run from any church where comedians are invited to the pulpit to crack jokes in the presence of the Holy Spirit. Ephesians 5:4 KJV* *Run from any church where they sell water, oil, necklaces or anything for the sake of healing or deliverance. Matthew 10:7-8 KJV* *Run from any church where the man or woman of God talks about himself or herself often than Jesus Christ. John 8:44 KJV* *Run from any church where football is welcomed or celebrated. Note that football is the number one agent of the devil to steal the love of Christ from the heart of people. Matthew 10:37-37 KJV* *Run from any church where the man or woman of God builds schools, hospitals, etc that the poor church members cannot attend or be treated. James 2:6 KJV* *Run from any church where the man or woman of God is not afraid to say “I will deliver you.”, “I will heal you.”, “I will fight for you.” Instead of saying “God will.” Colossians 3:17 KJV* *Run from any church where the pastor, apostle, bishop, or prophet value the rich people more than the poor. James 2:9-13 KJV* *Run from the church where polygamy and divorce are welcomed. Luke 16:18 KJV* *Run from the church where pastors don't care about how you treat the body, which is the temple of the Holy Spirit. 1 Corinthians 3:16-18 KJV* *You are privileged to have this uncommon truth. You’ll have no one to blame if you despise it for the detrimental love for your ungodly church. John 8:32* *Those in hellfire wish to hear or read this message, even if it’s for one second.* *May God Almighty grant you a heart of obedience in Jesus Christ Mighty Name. Amen* *Please don't remove this information incase people have questions.* *Apostle Emmanuel Osezele* *WatchMan MSRPM* www.msrpm.org *+4915211334015* If you are safe, what about your friends & loved ones. Show them love by telling them about the Judgement Day. Please pass this to your 14 loved ones, let heaven be happy for you today. Please don't say later, do it now because tomorrow may be too late. I'll love to receive it if am among d people you care about. Am waiting... SHARE JESUS CHRIST HE IS PREPARIND HIS CHILDREN BEFORE RAPTURE ONLY THE WISE WILL PREPARED BEFORE RAPTURE,, NO HEAVEN FOR SINNER MAN For the sake of heaven do your restitution, all of them as the HolySpirit reminds you, do make peace with those you offended and forgive all those that offended you. no heaven for you second or third wife, leave that marriage. no heaven with that result gotten through exam malpractice, no heaven if you have boyfriend/girlfriend/ sugar mummy/ sugar daddy. no heaven if you drink alcohol and smoke weed. no heaven if you are snuffing, doing abortion, selling and using condoms. no heaven for you if you removed your womb or use pills in the name of family planning. no heaven for you if you lust after boys or girls. no heaven if you watch pornography and naked pictures. If you cheat people in business to get ungodly gains no heaven, apron charm anointing water oil or Honoring mary no heaven for homosexuals and lesibians. no heaven for idol worshippers, liars, thieves. no heaven for mr and mrs worldliness with all their naked an worldly dressing. Those worldly films in your phone, those worldly songs you enjoy, those crazy/dirty jokes you laugh to can cost you heaven. no heaven for you with that demon (artificial hair) on your head, idols in your ears (earrings), idols on your neck(necklace, chains), on your hand (bangles/hand bands including those with church name), on your finger (ring, including wedding rings) no heaven for those that paint their body, perfume their body, bleach their body, perm/ relax/dye/spot wave their hair, wear naked dresses no heaven. no heaven for those that sell alcohol to people, fornicators are going to hell, masturbators are not going to any heaven, woman remove those trousers, no heaven with those short skirts and tight gowns, no heaven with those worldly haircuts. If you are in these group, repent today, make right the wrong you did, confes ur sins, your abortions, your evil, confes Jesus, www.eternityrace.com live holy, and then you will get heaven. Holiness without which no man shall see the Lord. (Heb 12:14) CONFESSION AND ACCEPTANCE OF CHRIST Dear Lord Jesus Christ; I admit that I am a sinner. I have done many things that don’t please you. I have lived my life for myself only. I am sorry, and I repent. I ask you to forgive me. I believe that you died on the cross for me, to save me. You did what I could not do for myself. I come to you now and ask you to take control of my life; I give it to you. From this day forward, help me to live every day for you and in a way that pleases you. I love you, Lord Jesus, and I thank you that I will spend all eternity with you in Jesus name i pray. Amen. ARRO OF ANOINTING OIL AND WATER or HANDKERCHIEF POWER Matthew 10:7-8ANP :But go rather to the lost sheep of the house of Israel. 7: And as you go, preach, saying, The kingdom of heaven is at hand! 8 Cure the sick, raise the dead, cleanse the lepers, drive out demons. Freely (without pay) you have received, freely (without charge) give. Listen good God sent his desaple without those anointing etc that is satanic beware. Some even charge money before praying for you run from from them and stop those anointing. pray and trust in the Lord before rapture. THE WORD OF GOD IS SETTLED Psalm 119:89AMP: Forever, O Lord, Your word is settled in heaven [stands firm as the heavens]. Have come to stay with you and me for the rest of this year and beyond. Send this to 5 peoples that are special to you as you are special to me. If I'm special to you, send it back to me IF YOU DON'T WELCOME JESUS CHRIST INTO YOUR LIFE BEFORE PRAY THIS CONFESSION AND ACCEPTANCE OF CHRIST John 10:9 AMP: I am the Door; anyone who enters in through Me will be saved (will live). He will come in and he will go out [freely], and will find pasture. Roman 10:9 KJV :That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. Pray now, Dear Lord Jesus Christ; I admit that I am a sinner. I have done many things that don’t please you. I have lived my life for myself only. I am sorry, and I repent. I ask you to forgive me. I believe that you died on the cross for me, to save me. You did what I could not do for myself. I come to you now and ask you to take control of my life; I give it to you. From this day forward, help me to live every day for you and in a way that pleases you. I love you, Lord Jesus, and I thank you that I will spend all eternity with you in Jesus name i pray. Amen. 2Cor 5:17KJV: Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. Congratulation Now fine any believing church that you will Lean more like: 1* (CHRIST APOSTOLIC CHURCH) 2* (WATCHMAN CHRISTIMATIC RENEWAL) 3* (DEEPER LIFE GOSPEL CHURCH) 4* HOLINESS REVIVAL MOVEMENT WORLDWIDE, IS NON-DENOMINATONAL MINISTRY. Headquarters office Behind Federal Government College, Kwali F,C,T, Abuja Nigeria, E-MAIL, Holinessrevivalmovement@gmail,com, Tel: +2348136356813: +2348056834323, NOT JUDGE BUT TO SAVE SOULS IF YOU LOVE JESUS SHARE AND EVANGELIZE FOR HIM BEFORE RAPTURE, REMAIN RAPTURABLE IN JESUS CHRIST NAME AMEN. May God give us the grace to identify and work on our weak areas. Please join me to forward it.

[pastorcowboy]

Matthew series week 20: First and the last

Matthew series: Ministry of Jesus (Who is the greatest Pt. 2)

                             Matthew 19: First and last

Often, I have wondered why we have so little scripture in Genesis 1-3? I heard someone say that if we had about double the words, we would have a lot less problems in the world. What they meant is that we are told man and woman are made by God. God made them to be helpers and mates. Since that time, we have had a tremendous amount of arguing over who can marry and divorce. A few more reasons and definitions might have helped solve those questions.

Then it hit me. Someone else said usually the simplest answer is the right answer. A few words might be all that was needed. Yet, we want more to make each of our situations fit better. The Israelite's grumbled a lot in the Old Testament. I bet Moses had enough more than once. Even God had enough. Moses decided to let the people divorce. If you read Deuteronomy 24 it’s complicated. It’s not very fair for the woman. Sometimes the culture seeps into the scriptures as it should. It was written to them and not us. Our culture is different. We need to remember that.

This topic of divorce is a hang up. This section is the third time Jesus mentions adultery in this Gospel. It’s also been numerous times that he mentions children. Jesus mentions being, acting, and are like little children no less than 26 times. It means something to Jesus and to Matthew. I could also say that Matthew talks about who, how, or when people will be in heaven. I think it was the major topic of the day like global warming is to us. What questions do you want answered by God?

Matthew 19:20 “The young man said to him, “I have kept all these; what do I still lack?”

Deuteronomy 24:4 “her first husband, who sent her away, is not permitted to take her again to be his wife after she has been defiled; for that would be abhorrent to the Lord, and you shall not bring guilt on the land that the Lord your God is giving you as a possession.”

This is still training ground. I have sat in many groups where each person had a difference of opinion on scripture. I have talked with friends who said I was an evangelist. Yet, other friends thought I was not. They all had criteria in what they believed. This chapter is a good example. We cannot divorce. Only if I do all the ten commandments will I enter heaven. We rebuke people for bringing certain people to God. I know a woman who told me she was distraught that I was called to be a Christian instead of someone else she wanted in church. Do you have restrictions on church?

Matthew 19:13 “Then little children were being brought to him in order that he might lay his hands on them and pray. The disciples spoke sternly to those who brought them”

Titus 1:15 “To the pure, all things are pure; but to those who are defiled and unbelieving, nothing is pure, but both their mind and their conscience are defiled.”

I mentioned pure in Titus above. We all have definitions on pure, holy, undefiled. I have believed that I am tainted because of my upbringing. I think part of that comes from the looks in church. Not being raised Christian means something to many. What does that mean to you? I know that I am a better man knowing right from wrong by having lived on the wrong side at times. I know the difference. I have often wondered if those living in Christian protected homes have no grace. They have only experienced holiness.

The one good thing about Jesus is experience. We could say “of course God and Jesus are sinless, they cheat because they are God.” I really think God did not know. He understood sin. He is sickened by sin, yet he did not know. So, he comes to earth to live among sin, ungodliness, and defilement. Jesus does understand and know us better because he dwelt among us (Emmanuel). When Jesus talks about issues like those in Matthew 19. Remember he lived with us for 33 years. He saw it all from both sides of heaven and earth.

Matthew 19:17 “And he said to him, “Why do you ask me about what is good? There is only one who is good. If you wish to enter into life, keep the commandments."

Romans 1:19-20 “For what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them. Ever since the creation of the world his eternal power and divine nature, invisible though they are, have been understood and seen through the things he has made.”

Read Matthew 19. Also read Deuteronomy 24 and Romans 1. These are different views on sin and sinless.

1.       I was told once that what they ask in an interview is not as important as to what they did not ask. People are looking for certain answers. They want certain people. In the end, people want to be accepted. They want like minded people in their lives. This chapter 19 is just like that. Why do you think they asked about divorce? Herod killed John the Baptist because of adultery allegations. I bet the religious rulers we looking to Jesus for condemnation and justification.

The disciples rebuked those bringing little children. It’s true, but I was rebuked once for inviting kids to church. It’s insane but I have seen it several times. When we read these stories in Matthew 19, it’s an ominous reminder. As a Christian you read the Bible. In time you begin to gain knowledge and understanding. The three types of people in this chapter did too. Each one used that knowledge and understanding for the wrong reasons.

It’s not about divorce half as much as why? Why did they not ask Jesus for ways to keep a marriage. Why not ask Jesus if it’s ok to have the children come? Why not ask Jesus for knowledge and understanding in God’s world? It’s because they wanted their sins justified before God. We tend to reject the unworthy because it makes us look cleaner. Being told your saved, cleaned by the blood of Jesus, and Sanctified, does not make you cleaner. What’s Sanctified? It’s a Christian word that means several things like “being set apart.”

In church you will hear that word to describe about us, Jesus, and the church. Verse 17 is Jesus tossing Sanctification out. Verse 18 is tossing the ten commandments out. Because they are no good? No, it’s because we will take words and verses and use them to justify ourselves. That is something Jesus did not do in verse 17. Take note of the humbleness of Jesus towards everyone including his Father in heaven. Think about it. In verse 21, Jesus gave up the comforts of heaven to dwell among us.

Matthew 19:21” Jesus said to him, “If you wish to be perfect, go, sell your possessions, and give the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; then come, follow me.”

Philippians 2:6-7 “who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.

 2.       It’s interesting how Matthew is constructing this book. We have stories, parables, and famous verses. I don’t blame anyone for getting wrapped up in them. They are all famous because they hold deep truths. What is the most famous chapter in the Bible? You will get a lot of answers based on stories, parables, and verses. Yet, at times, we see famous chapters are so, because of the chapters surrounding it. Little ones are mentioned in Matthew 18. Who will sit with Jesus is in Matthew 20. The whole Bible plays a part in the little verses and stories.

I feel that this chapter hinges on a certain statement in verse 30 “But many who are first will be last, and the last will be first.”  I am stunned by this chapter. The Bible characters are us. We want to know who is lead pastor. We want to know who is head elder. I do a good job at work. Some people have said I think I’m special for working hard. Either way, we want to know who will be first and last. Yet, it means nothing. The first and last still see the movie. They all enter heaven at some point. Yet, we feel the need to know.

Matthew 19:27 “Then Peter said in reply, “Look, we have left everything and followed you. What then will we have?”

Romans 1:16 “For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ: for it is the power of God unto salvation to everyone that believeth; to the Jew first, and also to the Greek.”

 3.       The rich young ruler is so fascinating. Did you see that the young boy wants to follow Jesus? He probably wanted to do right by God. I hate it when they chastise this young man. I know rich people who have no time for God. Yet, this boy wants to go further. He asks the same question we all have. This question is asked in different ways throughout the gospel of Matthew. What must I do?

 Jesus only answers in a Jesus way. He tells the boy what laws he has kept to this point. The young man does not dispute it. He agrees with Jesus. Maybe proudly. Maybe arrogantly. Who knows. I feel the fact that this conversation is happening at all is important. It’s an earnest question. Then Jesus hits the nail on the head as he did for the woman at the well. For many of the religious rulers. Jesus asks the question they are not asked. Yes, the young man walks away dejected. It’s a teaching moment for the disciples too. This question needs to be asked at some point in our Christianity. Read this chapter again. It’s not about rebuking children, young rich men, or anyone. It’s about our role in Christianity. We should not be concerned with the role of others.

Matthew 19:22 “When the young man heard this word, he went away grieving, for he had many possessions.”

James 4:2-3 “You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. 3 When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.”

 4.       If you wrap up chapters 18-25 together, it could be one big chapter. Jesus is teaching and preaching on what the kingdom is like. The people were just not getting it. They kept asking the same questions. We do that too. We ask if were old enough. Then we ask when we are old enough. Finally, we ask if the rules could be bent. The point is we get fixated on getting what we want or deserve. I feel that Jesus uses the analogy of little children over and over because it’s the way God looks at us. We are his children. Far too often we think that means lower than. How about as loved children? I think the word children is sprinkled throughout just because the people were not getting the message. Instead they were seeking complicated answers children never ask.

Verse 27-28 are interesting. Peter says they have given up everything to follow Jesus. Oh, we give up stuff but not everything. By the way, what is everything? These verses are interesting because Peter says “we have.” Jesus responded by saying “you, who have.” Jesus does not say yes, Peter you are in. He says yes, whoever gives it all away for Jesus name sake will receive a ton. Earlier in verse 25 they responded by saying “who can be saved?” Why ask? Because the criteria are harder than they thought. Who indeed, will enter heaven?

Matthew 19:13 “Then little children were being brought to him in order that he might lay his hands on them and pray. The disciples spoke sternly to those who brought them.”

Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”

 What it means?

           I don’t need to go on and on do I? Or, do I? This whole gospel is asking who Jesus is? Who am I in the kingdom? Where do I fit? Who is first and last? Who is worthy? These themes are being repeated over and over because we want better answers. Who wants to be last? Who does not want to be important? I get it. These questions are being constantly asked of Jesus. Yet, he always tries to give the same answer. It does not matter. What matters is what you do with what God gives you. Never mind what others think, do, or say. This Christianity is community. Yet, it’s also based firstly, on your relationship with God.

I know the church means well. They want the best people to make the church appear to be important, the best, and professional. Recently, I have looked at a certain church. They have a philosophy on how to make a Christian. They ask certain questions. They offer certain ways to become a better Christian. In both instances it’s about what they don’t ask. It’s about what they are not concerned about. The Bible. We preach the Bible. Yet, if we commanded people to know their Bible better, it would cause strain. It’s not fun. It’s important yet, not attractive. Do the best people preach the best way?

Why do so many people offer life groups? A place to have community with other Christians outside of Sunday. What happened to mid-week Bible studies? Coming to church on a weekday to go deeper.  It might have to do with fun. Bible study is not that fun. Why do churches hire pastors’ kids? They are good stock. They come from untainted lives. Do they live and breathe the Bible? Maybe. Yet, what makes a church professional and fun? I doubt it’s the Bible. Why harp on fun and the Bible? Where do you gain strength as a Christian? It’s in knowing without a doubt who Jesus is and why he came. It’s in hanging out with those who know their Bible and share their Bible. Fun groups and good stock kids don’t always provide that. Think about it.

Matthew 19:17 “"Why do you ask me about what is good?" Jesus replied. "There is only One who is good. If you want to enter life, keep the commandments."

Malachi 3:16 “Then those who feared the Lord talked with each other, and the Lord listened and heard. A scroll of remembrance was written in his presence concerning those who feared the Lord and honored his name.”

[drrobw]

End the Billy Graham Rule

One unintended consequence of recent male sexual misconduct in America, particularly among well-known pastors and Christian leaders, has been a resurgence of what is known as the “Billy Graham Rule” — a code, championed by Billy Graham and followed by some evangelical men, that says married men should not be alone with women other than their wives, under any circumstance.

It’s bogus. Particularly when it’s purported to be a part of “faithful Christian” culture.

Highlands Church pastor Les Hughey is only the most recent pastor to be publicly accused of sexual misconduct. This news broke just one week after prominent evangelical pastor Bill Hybels — of Willow Creek, whose wife Lynne has been a public supporter of the #MeToo movement — stepped down amid growing accusations of sexual misconduct and harassment.

It’s a troubling trend among male pastors and church leaders, as well as among Christians in general.

In response, some pastors and faith leaders, like Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary president Danny Akin, are encouraging men yet again to embrace the Billy Graham Rule.

The “Billy Graham Rule” is rooted in an idea that men and women are inherently, uncontrollably (hetero-)sexual beings, and it is designed to discourage any situations in which extramarital temptations could arise.

But I think this whole narrative is a) unbiblical, b) anti-women, and c) factually incorrect. I also think it does men a huge disservice.

READ: Where is the Church on #MeToo?

Prior to becoming a pastor, I spent five years as a sportswriter, on assignments and as a part of sports departments that were almost exclusively male. I covered the MLB, the NFL, college basketball and the NHL, and spent time in locker rooms of each of those sports. I was the only woman to cover the MLB owners’ meetings the year I was there, and the only woman to cover the NHL GM meetings two years in a row. I worked with exclusively male coaches and male sports editors, and I became the first woman beat writer for the hockey team I covered.

After my years in sportswriting, I attended a Lutheran Seminary and was ordained as a pastor in the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America. I served on a large church staff in Las Vegas with two male pastors, and I served as pastor of discipleship and community life at a large church in Orange County with a male senior pastor.

My path has been made possible by several dynamic, caring, respectful men who built relationships with me and gave me opportunities. They have met with me privately, built up relationships with me, mentored me, taught me, prayed with me, eaten with me — and have given me opportunities to lead, to grow, and to share the truth (in journalism) and the Truth (in the church).

And they did this all without pursuing me sexually, sexually harassing me, or cheating on their wives with me.

Forget the Billy Graham Rule. New rule time: I propose the Peter/Joe/Mark/Greg/Mark/Michael/Matt/Bob Rule.

Or, more simply: The “Good Friend/Mentor” Rule.

I want to tell you about these men. Because, moms and dads and church leaders — these actions are the kind we should be lifting up in church. These behaviors are the ones we should ask our children to emulate. These are examples of men following the word and example of Jesus.

Pastor Peter Geisendorfer-Lindgren came to the hospital when I was born. He walked me through confirmation and speaking at our high school baccalaureate service. He met with me when I considered seminary, when I had a rough first call following a pastor who — guess what? — committed sexual misconduct. Peter and I have always stayed in touch, connecting over writing, current events, and the state of the church.

Joe Walljasper gave me my first paid sportswriting job for the Columbia Daily Tribune. I joined an all-male sports department at age 20, and Joe trusted me and even sent me with the team to cover the then-Big 12 tournament in Dallas and Kansas City. He put my writing up for awards, and helped me to publish my first story in Sports Illustrated.

Mark Wollemann was my sports editor at the Minneapolis Star Tribune, my first big writing internship. He helped me grow as a writer and believed in me when I took on out-of-the-box assignments, like a front-page takeout on boxing in Minnesota.

Greg Hardwig gave me my first big sportswriting job after college, covering the hockey beat at the Naples Daily News in Naples, Fla. He didn’t flinch when the hockey team initially balked at having me (the first female to cover them) in the locker room after games. Greg backed me 100 percent and insisted the team change its policy. They did, almost immediately.

Mark Wickstrom was my pastoral internship advisor and senior pastor of a Lutheran megachurch in Las Vegas. Mark gave me chances to preach and lead at a huge level for just an intern pastor at such a huge church. He and our other pastor, Michael, never once left me out because I was a woman. Mark taught me much of what I know now about preaching, being a pastor, and being a human (really).

Michael Stoops was the assistant pastor in Vegas when I served as intern pastor there. We immediately got along upon first meeting, but then butted heads over relatively trivial things. It took some deep, one-on-one discussions and prayer to make our friendship and teamwork work. And then it did. When we both later ended up serving churches in California, he and his wife, Jacqueline, were the first friends to visit us after the birth of my second son.

Matt Stuhlmuller was one of my best pastor friends in Chicago during my first call, among other pastors my age who I would meet occasionally for meals. His friendship helped me see beyond my small, struggling church, and his advice helped me turn that church around.

Pastor Bob Mooney and I were Facebook friends before we became colleagues. I sent him an email when I saw his church was hiring a new pastor, and we talked on the phone before arranging a visit and interviews. Once I became Bob’s colleague pastor in California, he always respected me. Even though he’d served the church for 30 years, he never referred to me as his “associate pastor.” He gave me every opportunity to lead, even sharing preaching duties on Christmas and Easter, and consistently promoting me and praising my work to the staff and the church. He never made people choose between us.

I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention three more names: Ben, my husband; Rick, my father; and Dennis, my father-in-law — all three of whom have immense respect for women, including in the workplace. Never once have they suggested that women shouldn’t hold positions of leadership because of their sex. Never once did any of these men suggest to me that I couldn’t work in male-dominated fields.

It is because of the scrupulous, Jesus-following men I’ve mentioned above — even the ones who wouldn’t consider themselves overtly Christian — that I can work in these fields and feel supported. These men have changed my life, and my friendships with them continue to help me learn, grow, and serve my God.

READ: Sorting Through the Church’s Silence on Sexual Abuse & Assault

Men can do better. The Billy Graham Rule thinks too little of men — especially the men I know. Their behaviors make for good friends and/or mentors, worthy of a different rule.

It’s been a rough year. Women continue to face horrific incidences of sexual misconduct, harassment, abuse, and even assault at the hands of powerful men, and those stories are finally coming out: in politics, in Hollywood, and yes, in the church. And I’ve experienced it, too.

But the answer isn’t an antiquated, unfair-to-women, patriarchal dividing of the sexes. It’s not in a rule that has nothing to do with Jesus and everything to do with male superiority complex, a devaluing of the human body, patriarchy, and oppression of women.

The answer is to lift up the men who get it, the men who love and respect women. These are the men who make America great. These are the men in whose image I want to raise my sons. These are the behaviors that should set the standard of conduct for how men should treat women. Not an outdated evangelical rule that seeks to keep woman powerless and silent.

This article originally appeared at Sojourners and was adapted from Angela’s blog.

End the Billy Graham Rule was originally published on Dr. Robin Weinstein