#and the only other person i talk to is my ex lmfaooo and that has its whole set of issues

[2knightt]

Do you think u could write abt the gang being (separately) absolutely obsessed with the reader. Like they adore everything she does, they can’t get enough of her. To the point where the rest of the gang starts releasing them abt it, meanwhile reader is like completely oblivious lol

୧ ׅ𖥔 ۫ heaven and hell were words to me.⋄ 𓍯

…IN WHICH! the greasers are totally obsessed!

tags/warnings: no confessions—just the gang having a crush, gang being literally whipped, them being a little odd, kinda toxic!johnny LFMAO, nothing else to my knowledge

ೃauthor notes⁀➷ i’m just working…working hard so i can please you.(shout out to ema/corvyes/loml for that ref.) but if i get a req asking me for like the gng confessing to you—i will do it. trust.

Dallas Winston

WHEN HE’S DRUNK, YOU’RE ALLLL HE TALKS ABOUT LMFAOOOO

“i’m tellin’ you—there ain’t a girl like her.”

dallas would repeat after what felt like this 5th drink of the night. buck is sick of him, two-bit regrets dragging him along, and dallas just wants to tell them how good you looked today.

when he sees you walking home, to school, or to work he WILL tag along. HE DOESN’T GAF IF YOU TELL HIM TO TAKE A HIKE!

actually, he kinda does. you’re like the only person he listens to.

LMFAOOO THE GANG THREATENS TO CALL YOU OVER WHENEVER DALLAS IS DOING SMTH STUPID

like whenever you threaten a kid ur gna tell santa.

“dallas, i’m gonna tell y/n what you did last week.”

“??if you do, i’ll beat your head in, soda.”

“YIKES..i’m gonna have to tell her that too…”

“…don’t, she’d be so mad at me😔😒.”

THE GANG TEASES DALLAS THE WORST(besides ponyboy) ABOUT YOU LFNAOAOAOAO

like they’re shoving him toward you, nudging him at even the slightest mention of you, giggling as they tell him they seen you today.

“look, it’s your girlfriend.”

“steve, shut up! she ain’t deaf!”

—

“GO SEE HER!”

“OW—i mean—hi, y/n.”

“did you…trip? or did you mean to bump into me?”

“yeah, sorry or whatever. some IDIOT back there pushed me.”

—

“guess who i saw..🥰🥰”

“who?”

“your wife…”

“can you NOT.”

despite all that, you somehow, still don’t know how he feels about you. how? we’ll never know. it’s beyond the human mind.

his friends try and hint at you that the big, bad greaser has a school girl crush on you. do you get what they’re trying to say? no. but that’s okay, you’re just a girl.

lowkey pisses dallas off but that’s okay cuz he prefers admiring from afar. DOES HOWEVER ASK YOU TO HANG OUT AND CONSIDERS THEM A DATE IN HIS HEAD TO KEEP HIM SANE LFMAO

“you wanna go see this drag race tomorrow?”

“sure! i don’t have work then. uhm, pick me up at my place!”

“alright, cool.”

‘yeah..,it’s date🥱😍’ — dallas’ brain.

Johnny Cade

‘johnny, if you even fucking stutter when you talk to her today—you’re gonna have to drink pickle juice.’

“oh, hi. i didn’t see you there, johnny. ‘m sorry.”

“o-oh—it’s alright.”

‘well, shit.”

he thinks he looks like such a fucking loser when he talks to you omfg😭😭

the gang tries to tell him he might have a shot but he thinks they’re just telling him that because he’s their friend. :(

HEAVILY admires from afar. like seriously he’s a fucking stalker

WAIT LMFOAOO HE’D BE THE TYPE OF GUY TO ACCIDENTALLY STALK YOU LIKE HE’D FOLLOW YOU PLACES FROM AFAR LMFAOAOAOOAOA

what a little freak

anyways

he accidentally lets things slip to let you know he’s better than any other guy trying to go after you. like if you had a shitty ex—he’s preaching that he’d ‘never treat you like that, he can’t imagine that a guy with a brain ever would.’

johnny does everything to keep your attention on HIM and nobody else when your friends try and talk to you when you two are out together. like you could be having a conversation with him and he’d be just pouting in the background with his arms crossed.

“y/n, look. they got that shirt you was talkin’ ‘bout. let’s go check it out. c’mon.” “oh—alright! bye, viv!😊” “yeah, bye viv.😒”

side eyes the gang whenever they bring you up in conversation

“johnny and y/n sittin’ in a tree—“

“😒🤨”

“alright.”

he tries to subtly hint that he really likes you and that you’re his type but it’s not subtle at ALL.

“y’know, if i were to have a girlfriend, i’d wish she was like you.”

—

“my type? uhm, it’d probably be someone-“ and he goes on to describe you.

Ponyboy Curtis

‘holy fuck that’s literally y/n walking towards me??!! does she know i’m here—does she even know me-wow she looks good in red. i mean—SHE’S WAVING OH MY GOD.’

HE IS SUCH A WRECK I CANTTT

ponyboy is the type to stare off into space in your direction and dream about how well he’d treat you if he was your man!!

yk how bitches be like ‘my man, my man!’ whenever they talk about their crush?? he’s all ‘my girl, my girl!’ WUAGRMRNEE

the gang was so confused on why he was so eager to go to school all of a sudden?? and why he cares about his appearance just slightly more than usual?? …is that soda’s shirt he’s wearing?-

two-bit was the first one to realize what was happening when he seen ponyboy and you talk in the halls. that wasn’t the giveaway, though.

it was the way he stared at you like you were the only girl alive and everyone else was just gone. two-bit was almost moved to tears to see ponyboy all grown😞😞!!!

“is tha’ your girlfriend? that why you couldn’t wait ‘til monday?”

“shut up!”

“ouuu, wait until the gang hears ‘bout this!”

“YOU AIN’T TELLIN’ ‘EM NOTHIN’!”

ever since — it has been hell on earth for ponyboy. dallas brings you up every time ponyboy gets smart, johnny giggles at every kissing scene at a movie nudges him, soda and darry had to give him ‘the talk,’ (soda just made it worse by making snide remarks.) and steve never stopped poking fun at him.

two-bit tried to get you to spill the beans on how you felt about him, but all you’d do was huff and ignore him. FINE THEN😒!—is what he always thought.

soda, johnny and two-bit all let ponyboy rant about you.

“LIKE, BRO. my girl, my girl! she’s so cute and smart. LIKE SHE’S TOTALLY MY DREAM.”

—

“that’s so cute ☹️” - soda

“SHE WANTS YOU SOO BAD” - two-bit

“just go tell her, man.” - johnny

does everything to impress you stoppp 😭😭!! pony is trying harder in school, using less hair grease, wearing darry’s cheap cologne when he’s not looking, etc.

HE’S SO SILLY I LOVE HIM!!!

Sodapop Curtis

delusional king!!! yes soda, let the voices in your head tell you that she wants you so bad!!🫶🫶

swear to goddd he thinks y’all are meant to be. you tipped him when he was working at the cash register and he was sooo in love

sorry in my head he’s a hopeless romantic

cause a) you were gorgeous, b) kind enough to tip him, and c) most likely rich💯💯

when he seen you at random places with your friends—soda would get so excited LMFAOOO

STOP HE’D HOUND PONY FOR YOUR NAME

“bro they probably go to your school—just lemme look at your yearbook!”

“no??? you weirdo???”

“please??!! i’ll do the dishes or something!”

“….get me a pack of cigarettes and i’ll tell you.”

“OKAY🥰🥰”

stole them but pony never said how to get them so who gaf!!!

SODA WOULD TOTALLY WRITE YOUR FIRST INITAL + HIS LMFAOOAOAOAOAA

or he’d see who’s last name went best with curtis or your last name!!!1!1!1

he’s crazy insane over you did i say that already

whenever you come by the dx—he’d give you shit for free while you insist to pay.

“jus’ take it.”

“i can’t—i’d feel terrible.”

“it’s alright, no one has to know. right?”

he’d flash his million dollar smile, pushing your coke and chips close to you, inciting you to just take the food.

WAJENEDKD he wants u so bad it’s. so terrible.

steve hates his rambles

“YOU SHOULDA SEEN THE WAY ME AND HER WAS TALKING—SHE’S SO INTO MEEEE”

“yeah, she wants you!!! shut up now!!”

Darry Curtis

nobody knows. it’s like a top secret only darry knows. the gang has their suspicions but they can never really know why darry is suddenly so adamant on going to go get him, soda, and pony’s hair done at the salon.

they alllll can see that he only really talks to you—but at the same time he does that weird ass dad stance where they stand with their arms crossed and legs far apart LMFAOOOOO

darry thinks you’re like…model fine btw.!!!!!

BROOO WHEN YOU LIKE UNCONSCIOUSLY MASSAGE HIS HEAD WHEN YOURE CUTTING IT—HE’S SOO READY TO JUST ASK YOU OUT

darry doesn’t know what it is but goddamn!! you have him in a spell!!

“c’mon—we gotta go to the salon again.”

“….we just went?”

“TWO WEEKS AGO. it’s about time we go AGAIN.”

does in fact work a little extra just so he can see you. he’s that much of a loverboy i fear.

HE DOES ACTUALLY NOT WAIT TO ASK YOU OUT

like, among all the gang, he’s the only one mature enough to actually flirt with you properly & to ask if you’re single.

darry’s fucking down like that.

AWWHHH HE TOTALLY BUYS YOU FLOWERS AS A ‘THANK YOU’ GIFT LOL

flexs his strength around you to prove he’s worthy !!! DARRY LOVEEESSS SHOWING OFF WHEN YOU’RE LOOKING

megara + hercules methink…..

you two probably started hanging out as ‘friends.’ …yeah right!!!!

he’s driving you around as you be his pretty little passenger princess, he’s offering to buy you things when you two are out, etc, etc.

darry might not know how to show that he likes you, but trust me, the second that you look a little too far into his actions—it gets obvious.

like maybe too obvious idk.

Steve Randle

HELLLOOOO??? HE IS TOTALLY SHOWING OFF HIS GYMNASTICS MOVES AROUND YOU

“bro, bro! (yes he’d call you bro. idgaf.) watch what i can do!!😊😊” “wowwww, steve that’s so cool.”

geeks out near you. when you aren’t around the average person would see him and go ‘jesus christ, he literally might beat my ass.’ but when you’re around, they might think, ‘why is that scary looking guy talking about cars and comic books rn??’

you bring out the nerd in him in the best way possible🫶😊 BECAUSE THAT MEANS HE LIKE LIKES YOUUUUUUU

and it’s so obvious to the gang bc wdym steve told you all about DC comics while all they got was a ‘yeah, it’s alright.’ …hm…..

soda NEVER shuts the fuck up and him and his little girlfriend. NEVERRREE

“why’re you so pouty today? y/n ain’t say hi?”

“bro, shut up!”

steals for you and gives them to you all proud like he paid for it LMFAO

tries to be sooo cool around you but the second you bring up the latest batman comic he’s all “OMGOMGOMGOMG IT WAS SOO GOOD!! DID YOU SEE THE-“ he’s a loser what can i say.

dallas totally flirts with you in front of steve just to piss him off LOLLL like when he sees dallas twirling your hair around his finger steve is just all “???🤨🤨😡😡”

and then becomes your knight in shining armour and swoops you away as he glares daggers at dally!!!!<3

Two-bit Mathews

he becomes the funniest man on the planet i’m not joking

he says jokes that anybody and everybody will laugh at. just because he wants to see you laugh at what he says for his delusions

two-bit thinks like ‘she laugh=she likes me’

he’s not the brightest but it’s okay

HE MAKES IT SOOO KNOWN THAT HE LIKES YOU LFMAOOOOOO

“you’re lookin’ pretty? who’s the fella?” / “gee, i didn’t believe when they said they seen an angel walkin’ around until now.” / “well, now you owe me dinner.”

shit like that

two thinks he’s soooo smooth…smh.

DALLAS AND PONYBOY SO BADLY WANTS HIM SHUT THE HELL UP ALREADY ABOUT YOU LMFAOOO

they keep on telling him just to confess already but then two gets all giggly and shy and goes “omg guys noooo🤭🤭🤭🫣🫣”

just coincidentally runs into you everywhere you go!!! (literally has eyes everywhere. he’s weird. he’s odd.)

follows you around like a lost puppy and lowkey kinda gossips. idk.

[hotxcheeto]

Hey girl, how are you?, I would like to ask for an fluff Headcanon on how Shane from The L Word would have a crush on the (G/N)reader, sort of how she would act with the reader and how she would declare herself to the reader, only do this if you feel comfortable , W love <3

━ 𝐒𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐄 𝐇𝐀𝐕𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐀 𝐂𝐑𝐔𝐒𝐇 𝐎𝐍 𝐘𝐎𝐔

𝙥𝙖𝙞𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜(𝙨) - Shane McCutcheon x G/N!Reader

𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 - Cursing, slight angst?, pretty much all fluff

𝙥𝙧𝙤𝙤𝙛𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙 ? - Yeah/Nope

𝙖𝙪𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙧'𝙨 𝙣𝙤𝙩𝙚 - so sorry this look so longgggg!!! threw me back into my L Word phase though lmfaooo watching it as I write this.. much love!! &lt;3

Shane has a reputation, let's begin with that

you’re friends so I mean you already knew that part, you didn't have to friends with her to know that either, but it's also what kind of worried you about your growing crush on the girl

It's also what made you keep your feelings at bay, even going so far as to outright ignore them but what you didn't know is that Shane also had them

She isn't clear when her feelings began to arise though, just that the day your ex cheated on you was the day that something changed, obviously, but it didn't have to do just with your breakup

She realized how seeing you talk about your crappy ex and complain after she brought over every breakup remedy she could find to your house made her feel

It made her feel like she could do better because you deserved so much better, you were an amazing friend to her and you were always there and ready to comfort her when she needed

You were so amazing.. and a beautiful person.. and awesome... and oh shit she's attracted you

Like really attracted, and it's pretty obvious to everyone but you

It's like a switch is flipped and suddenly she can't stop staring at you, admiring you, smiling all cheesy when you do something mundane but she just thinks it's so adorable

Imagine folding laundry while Shane eyes you from the other couch while talking, yeah, she's down that bad

You and Dana are probably the only two that can't hear Alice screeching, always the last to know

Smiles so much around you it's insane, and Shane already kind of has this resting smirk face but with you it's not a smirk... it's a corny, wide grin that makes her cheeks hurt

She usually doesn't smile like that either

God it makes her feel dumb

Alice knows and so does Tina who randomly starts pushing you towards romance and trying a bit too hard to figure your type

Alice even made a questionnaire for you to get you back into dating but everyone shut it down as soon as the first three questions came out

Shane is also naturally touchy, but with you it's like it rises to a thousand

If you all ever sit down, she's sitting beside you even if she's gotta pull up a chair, making an excuse that she doesn't feel like walking around the table

The excuse is for you, everyone just raises their eyebrow

Shane will then probably put her hand on your leg whether it be your knee or thigh, doesn't matter and she does it sweetly without a second thought

Or maybe there's a million thoughts and she's internally panicking to read your reactions and glancing over at Alice a thousand times who only shrugged

You acted normally, Shane felt defeated, like a fucking toy soldier, or at least that's how it was described to the rest of the ladies

She also sits extremely close to you, like shoulders hitting each other type of close but that's just because she likes seeing you get flustered and giggle when she whispers shit to you to tease you or make fun of someone in public

She'll even talk to you before her morning shot, that's when you know it's serious

Shane also likes to pay for you, kind of forces it on you if we're being honest, she just throws the money on the table and grabs you to leave while your not even sure what's happening until you're out the door

She just wants to take care of you, you're her sweet, pretty, thoughtful friend after all, mind as well make sure you're well taken care of

You sure take care of her when she's having girl troubles, which makes it even harder for her to tell you

Besides she likes seeing you get fake angry about her always covering the bill

Will platonically hold your hand, because y'know, you're besties, everyone in the group does it, obviously you guys would do it too

But something happens during all the hand holding and hang outs and Shane starts getting closer, testing the waters if you will, she's confident

But she's also terrified of fucking up your friendship cause y'know, she adores you

Taking a chance though is something she specializes in and so she does, getting more romantic and breaking away with the platonic friendship bullcrap

Kissing your cheek when leaving, always having an arm around you ( more than usual ), giving you little kisses on your forehead or neck while laying in bed while just 'hanging out'

It was a small affectionate habit but becomes more frequent and you definitely notice but much to Shane's displeasure you don't say a thing

At first you think it's just Shane being Shane until the other ladies start asking if you guys are a thing and you just think they're being ridiculous, Shane acts like she has a thing for everyone

Doesn't help you both are so close all the time but that's because you're best friends

It makes you really confused and you even start to accidentally distance yourself from her to try and help to feelings ease

Whatever feelings those are because you're still not entirely sure what you're feeling

So Shane does what Shane thinks she should do

Panics and calls the entire group together because who the fuck else is gonna tell her to shut up and get her act together

She wants to ask you out but let's be honest, it's you and not some random hook up that went too far, you're her best friend and if this gets screwed up...

In her mind it's make or break

Alice leads the entire conversation by telling Shane to just ask you out because the worst you could say was no

So there Shane goes, ready to knock on your door with an entire speech made up in her head but as soon as you open it she just blanks

Completely forgets what Tina and Bette told her to say, all of Dana and Alice's advice and every detail Kit had added to sweeten it up

Blushed when you laughed and invited her in and then it all just comes out like a mess of words

You're just nodding along until the weight of what she was saying really fell on you and you just go silent

It was an entire declaration wrapped up in a few seconds before you both just stared at each other wide-eyed

You don't talk about either, it just kind of turns into a really messy make-out session that ends in a fit of giggles and a small chat about her little hype sesh before she got there

Let's just say you found that amusing

[gommyworm]

:^/

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #462

i am way too tired to mentally flip through lyrics to put here, rip

Who in your family has been married the longest? (and how long?) I have zero idea. When did you last travel alone? Where were you going? The last time I visited Sara in Illinois. Do you take your shoes off when you come inside? Yes. What was the first color you ever dyed your hair? I think I got purple highlights? What was the first social media site you ever used? MySpace. Do you have any exes you really regret dating? One. Of all your friends & family, who has the most nicely-decorated home? Sara's house is lovely. Have you ever been catcalled? No. Are you allergic to any dogs? I might be. Have you ever touched a plant and had hives shoot up your arm? No. Do you think dragonflies are cool? Absolutely! What’s your favorite thing to draw? Meerkats!! Did you toss your hat in the air at graduation? Not high. I wanted to keep it. Do you like fudge? I CAN FUCKING DESTROY SOME FUDGE. Are you an affectionate person? Very. Name something you have to do today: Girt and I are hangin', making fun of bad Netflix anime and going to Buffalo Wild Wings. :^) Would you ever write to a death row inmate? No. People don't get on death row for no reason. I ain't got shit to say to them. Do you reckon online friendships are real? No fucking shit. Most of my most genuine friendships began online. Do you like Slipknot? Yep. Can we talk about how fuckin BADASS Corey's new mask is btw?????????? What do you think of Gorillaz? I like "Feel Good Inc." and one other song I can't remember the name of. Bow ties on guys, dorky or adorable? BOTH!!!!! :') What is the cutest Halloween costume for a baby to wear? GUYS I recently saw a picture of a little baby dressed up as a Little Oogie Boogie and it made my ovaries cry. Which of your friends is the tallest? Which of them is the shortest? Jesus, Girt is a giant. I don't know about my shortest... If you could re-paint your bedroom, what color would you choose? Pastel pink. :') What has been the best night of your life so far? Why? Probably something sexual so let's keep it on the down low lmfaooo Would you ever even think about taking part in a wet t-shirt contest? Uh, no. Even if I WAS confident in my body. Is you hair color the same as it was when you were a baby? No. It was dirty blonde. Have you ever been in trouble for being too loud? Ha, yeah, at school with friends. Not big trouble or anything, we were just hushed. Did you ever attend a wedding that was a complete disaster? No. What is something that you were surprised you were able to do? Hm. What is the most bullshit-sounding true fact that you know? Male cats have spiked penises lkasdjfal;kje;kjwr it's something to do with preventing other tomcats from mating with her. What Oreo flavor is your favorite? Gimme that Double Stuffed, friend. Sour gummy worms or plain gummy worms? SOUR. Ever been in a talent show? How many times? What did you do? Nope. Ever try out for the talent show and not make it? Did you cry? Nope. What’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever cried about? Y'all when I was a very little kid, during my older sister's b-day party, I sobbed because I couldn't pin the tail properly on the donkey lmaoooo How do you feel about the use of nuclear weapons? Absolutely fucking barbaric. What song has the most meaning to you? "Life Won't Wait" by Ozzy Osbourne. What is your favourite dinosaur? Spinosaurus!!!! :') Have you ever made bread? No. Has anything ever fallen asleep on you? Pets, a baby I was watching after, and Jason. Ever been dominated in a game you were/are really good at? yep alskdjfla;jwej Have you ever decided to set fire to something out of anger? No. Would you rather be a house pet or a wild animal? Wild animal, I guess? Have you ever listened to a group of chanting monks? I haven't. If you had to get a portrait tattoo, who would it be of? Probably of Teddy. I've still yet to decide on the total design of his tribute tat I'm getting. Do you like the smell of men’s colognes better than woman’s perfumes? I think so, yeah. How mad would you be if someone copied your original work (story, poem)? I'd be pretty fuckin pissed. Have you ever blown something up in science class? Ha, no. Have you ever gotten a serious wound from shaving? Not serious, no. Have you invented anything, only to find out it actually exists? I feel like I have? Ever realize you never truly LOVED your first love? Absolutely not. I loved him. Would you want a Bachelor/Bachelorette party before you get married? Sure, sounds fun. Do you prefer pads, tampons or something else? As of very recently, I returned to using pads. I used tampons for most of my maturity, but I got annoyed with them for TMI reasons and resorted back to pads, even though I don't like them either. Have you ever dated a model? No. What is your ultimate goal in life? To die happy with my life and what I (hopefully) accomplished. What colour are the socks you’re wearing today? I’m not wearing any. Who was the last person you sent a Facebook message to and what did you say? Girt. It was something regarding how I once considered doing the suicide mission at BWW where you eat a select number of their hottest wings, but I didn't wanna die via chicken. :^) Are you tall, short or average? Would you change this? I'm average in height. I wouldn't change it, nah. Especially now that Girt and I are together the ridiculous height difference is hilarious but also cute lmao. Have you ever worked in a store while someone shoplifted there? Like, while I was there? No. Have you ever had casual sex? Nahhhh. What’s your favourite flavour of frosting? Chocolate. @_@ When you think of your childhood, are the memories mostly happy or sad? Mostly happy, I guess. What is it like being you? Is it enjoyable? It's very boring with few sources of joy. What are your thoughts on the cause of homosexuality? I would *assume* it's a genetic mutation. Reason being, having a romantic partnership without the ability to reproduce defies the motives of science. There is nothing, absolutely NOTHING, wrong with said (and hypothetical) genetic mutation, though. Mutations are just another part of science. They occur naturally. What subjects did you find most interesting in school? Least? Most interesting: literature/English (especially reading like, old mythology and epics and stuff like that), LOTS of branches of science (but primarily genetics), art, and I looooved my four semesters of German. Least: ANY and ALL math, history, economics, social studies... that kind of stuff. Which do you enjoy more–hot or cold beverages? Cold, for sure. What were some of your favorite bands from childhood? Green Day was one. Would you be more afraid of drowning or being buried alive? Buried alive, for sure. It would be much, much slower. Should you really be doing something more productive right now? Well, I SHOULD be sleeping. Today's going to be a long day, because when Girt comes over, he has a tendency to not leave until like fuckin midnight or later alksdjfl;waje Have you ever lived out of your car? No. Does your family own more than two houses? HUNNY we r poor. A relative just committed a very serious crime, do you turn them in? It depends on the exact crime, but odds are, yes. If you're endangering others, byyyyeeee. You’re in the woods, alone, at night…are you honestly not afraid? Bitch I'm terrified. I have zero survival skills. You are on life support, what would you want a loved one to do about it? For the love of god, please kill me. Your child has only a while to live, do you still enroll them in school? That would be up to them. Also, define "a while." How would you feel if you met your idol and they ended up being rude? WELP I have a tattoo in his honor so that would suck ass lmao According to the tale, was Eve wrong for eating and sharing the apple? "God was wrong for even setting up an apple tree and making up rules in the first place." <<<< There ya go. And the punishment was fucking ludicrously extreme. Are you working on any goals? Yes. I'm currently going to the gym regularly to try and better my physical health and then find a job. I know that being connected sounds odd, but trust me: I can barely carry out very simple tasks just because I have absolutely ZERO stamina to do almost anything. I need energy and endurance. I'm also working towards developing some self-love. Which parent named you? I wanna say my mom. Are you currently frustrated with someone? I mean, myself. Aforementioned self-love is hard. I'm just annoyed my head is so reluctant to accept that I'm not a piece of shit for a million reasons. Why have most of your past relationships ended? They all ended for different reasons, really. Are you having any online conversations, currently? I'm not. What’s on your mind? I'm just tired and going back to bed real soon. Have you ever had an argument with a teacher? No.

[godsg111rl]

sometimes I find myself thinking about my former girl friends…

the super insecure one hell bent on getting revenge for spilled milk from high school that drugged me and when I confronted her about it, she said ‘happy early birthday’ then proceeded to ghost me??? I heard life’s been kicking your ass toots.

the one who thought I was her personal chauffeur and if my life didn’t revolve around her, or I hung out with other friends, she’d literally throw herself pity parties and ghost me for periods at a time.. like you are a grown ass woman lmao why can’t you communicate? I have never been one to chase friends or a friendship. Bc frankly, I don’t care and I’m a people magnet. You could’ve been real and spoke your peace instead of disappearing into thin air???

the confused one who wanted to marry me and get a house together… but only bc her bf wanted the same from me LMAO… both of y’all sick for the record.

the one that threw a party on my birthday that wasn’t for me… and you can’t forget her sidekick.. the one that so called respected my art but wasn’t willing to pay me my worth… you are both welcome for my expanding your music palettes

the unhinged and completely delusional one that compromised my freedom and tried to fight me like the psychopath she is… all because I arrived late and wasn’t going to let another grown ass woman talk to me like I was her infant child… then proceeded to hold my equipment hostage. Sis if you’re reading this, just know that I’m coming back for my belonging and your Christmas gift this year is being served by LEO.

the lost one that chased social status so bad that she’d always have a new bestie every week and of course she was going around telling all of our business to the next bitch… parrot. Real big bird energy. It’s funny because she’s still around and still believes I trust her with my secrets and business. Read the room.

the delusional one that tried to convince people that I wanted to be her but now her obsessed and weird ass won’t stop copying me. It’s also chef’s kiss that she’s convinced herself I chased her ex as if I ever gave a fuck enough LMAO. entire time that man been in my inbox begging me for a gram of pussy bc you started a fan club for me and put him on. could’ve had a friend but you made me your enemy. real sick ´babe.´

the one that cut me off because I was ‘insincere’ and would ‘use’ her LMAO. I asked the girl how I’d use her after spending days on the phone with her while she had manic episodes, and this girl had the audacity to say, ‘you always ask me if I know a plug.’ LMFAOOO like seriously. PUHHHLEASE. This was someone I was treating to lunches regularly, providing moral support for, and even helping out financially. But my asking where the plug’s at is what was giving leech energy? When you, yourself, smoke every day?! Big yike.

the one that lied to me about her girlfriend being just a friend when I didn’t want more than a friendship with her anyways… just for the girlfriend that she wasn’t claiming to follow me on all my socials and start acting like a weird ass bitch lmaooo. So then when I asked why the weird energy I got blocked by both of their weird asses 😭

Truly… reflecting on the women I chose to surround myself with in the past makes me cringe lmao. No, seriously. It makes me question if I ever loved myself to have allowed those people to sit at the same table as me (and the answer has to be no cause ain’t no way). I attracted a lot of energy demons in the past… People that latched onto me liked my light and loved how I made them feel like that bitch (bc who wouldn’t hype their friends?!…i mean unless you’re a hater lmaooo).

I was genuine and transparent with those people. I showed up for them even at times when I couldn’t show up for myself. I gave, I gave, I gave… even when I had nothing to give to myself. And thus, I taught others that they held more priority in my life than I do. I set 0 boundaries with people and in conclusion, they thought I was the one…. But now everybody knows better. Or at least, they will.

I´m so proud of the group of friends that I have right now. the ones that pour into me equally and don’t just take, the ones that aren’t yes men and will let me know when I’ve fucked up. the ones I can actually learn new things from and vice versa. The ones I can call on no matter what time of the day. The ones I break bread with. The ones I share tears with. The ones I actually let get to know me in all of my light and glory without fear that they’ll try to run off with my stuff (figuratively but also literally though lmaooo). Those are my 4Ls.

I’m going to continue to choose my friends wisely. I don’t care for that shallow shit. It doesn’t matter what you look like. That heart better be pure or you can join my graveyard of bitches that’ll never have access to me on this journey again. SKY DADDY SAID THEY CANT COME.

[astrorising]

what does BangPDnim think of the members S/O? 🔮

07/21/2020

⚠️ i think i need to clarify this could be just one of them, lol. let’s be realistic here, at least all of them have/had been in a relationship before. the cards could be talking about an ex, present s/o, or future one ⚠️

💜 i pulled two cards. one of his opinion, and the other is why 🔮

namjoon

🔮 cards: 5 of wands, 8 of wands.

Bang did NOT like this one, LMFAOOO. they are/were hostile and liked to pick fights. he thinks namjoon and this person moved quite fast, and didn’t really slow down to get to know one another truthfully.

jin

🔮 cards: 9 of swords, lovers reversed.

oh my god this is a huge no 😂 he thinks they were/are stressful for jin, and he knows they won’t work out in the long run.

yoongi

🔮 cards: 9 of cups, queen of pentacles.

this is a definite approval stamp from BangPD. i don’t feel like this is an ex, definitely a future S/O. he likes this person a lot, and can see yoongi is very happy. he likes that they are mature and independent!

hobi

🔮 cards: 2 of pentacles, 5 of swords.

i don’t think BangPD likes nor dislikes (compared to other members LMFAOO) this one. he sees hobi’s relationship is a big “???” trying to find balance. i feel like this is an ex or a current love, because 5 of swords signifies walking away and letting go. BangPD thinks it would be a wise choice to let this one go.

jimin

🔮 cards: queen of cups reversed, ace of swords.

ugh, jiminie 🥺 seriously, this is a repeating thing for not only my blog, but other tarot blogs as well. BangPD thinks there’s a huge lack of trust and immaturity in this S/O. can’t pick up if it’s an ex or future S/O. he definitely does not like them whoever this is, LOL. Bang does not approve, and thinks Jimin would be/has been better off without them.

taehyung

🔮 cards: 4 of swords, 9 of pentacles.

ooof, another no. Bang thinks this person puts a lot of stress of him and overwhelms him. he thinks he will but much more stable in all aspects if he breaks up with them.

jungkook

🔮 cards: the fool, 6 of cups reversed.

bang doesn’t mind this one! he can tell jungkook is excited about this relationship, but he can also see that it may not last due to lack of passion/quick boredom.

[zackmephisto]

15, 20, 25, 57 and 64! - 🌸🦝

15: Have any pets? i do! two cats, one big long black boy named edgar, and a FAT fuckin tuxedo boy named king leonidas, or leo for short

20: Where was the last place you snogged someone? LMFAOOO uhhh. my ex bf’s house. but i faked a family emergency and went home early lmfao

25: Do you miss anyone from your past? idk if this is what this question means but i miss my grandma so so so much. i miss people like glow and shauna, who i just haven’t talked to in ages but i’d still consider them friends, if that’s what you mean, but honestly, other than that? friendships and whatnot end for a reason, and i don’t miss any of the people i purposefully said goodbye to/people who purposefully said goodbye to me.

57: Do you believe in true love? i mean. kind of? but like. not in the sense of There’s Only One, and it Has To Be Romantic. 

64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? i’m not interested in him like that lmfao and also he like. just had a baby with his new beau so i don’t think he’d want to kiss me any more than i’d want to kiss him

70 horrible questions

[purplesurveys]

501

Do you do careless things like spill nail polish on your nightstand? I definitely sound like the type to end up doing that. Most of the time I’m half careless and just half downright clumsy. How are you today? I’m doing...okay. The first week of school has been nice to me, but the weather hasn’t - we’ve had three off days so far due to class suspensions. Today’s one of those days so I actually have time to take up a survey or two, then I’ll go back to my readings for my anthropology and history classes. When someone messages you and you know it's going to be rude, do you ignore it and not read it, or do you read it and reply? Depends on my mood. If I’m already anxious as it is, I probably wouldn’t want to open it for a few minutes/hours. If I’m feeling bitchy then I’d go ahead and reply. Do you find online drama stressful? It is. I like the memes that come out of the especially big dramas, but I stay out of them. How stressful is your life? It’s not very stressful right now, but that’s only because classes for the semester have just started. Get back to me and ask the same question in the middle of it lol.

Do you like your hair better curly or straight? In the middle. Wavy. I look disgusting with straight hair, and curly is an unnatural look for me. What's your favorite vegetable? Broccoli, asparagus, spinach, and bell peppers. Do you have a youtube channel? If so, what is it? (Msg me if u want to watch mine!) I have a channel but only so that YouTube can customize my homepage according to my interests. What song best describes your life? This has always been one of my least favorite survey questions because there’s never any song accurate enough to describe my life at the moment :/ There are songs I like listening to lately, but never any that are relatable. Would you ever post your most embarrassing moment story on youtube, or is that too embarrassing for you? I block off all my embarrassing moments from my head so that I forget them, so even if I had to do this I wouldn’t be able to. If you have a youtube channel, do you post more serious videos or fun? Are you keeping any secrets from your parents? A big secret running for five years now. I’m waiting until graduation to tell them. What are your favorite things to watch on youtube? I used to be just into vlogs but I’m all over the place now. List videos, Shane Dawson’s older stuff, PewDiePie, food video series (like Bon Appetit’s X Number of Ways to Cook A/An [insert food item here] or BuzzFeed’s Worth It), dog videos, conspiracy theory videos, BuzzFeed Unsolved, etc. Was any of your home decor inspired by Pinterest? No. Do you do yoga? I do not. What is something you have tried and hated? FRUITS.  Do you have regrets? Some small ones here and there but I hate the idea of dwelling/lingering on regrets. Are you a good person? I hope I’ve been. You’d have to ask my family and friends. Who do you look up to? I never really had any role models, but like someone I really respect is AJ Mendez, a former wrestler and you might know her cause I used to talk about her a lot in my older surveys. Do you do the right thing or the wrong thing more? I think it’s a balance. Are you rebellious? I used to be. I was an absolute HEADACHE as a teenager. How many tattoos do you have? None. What do you want to name your first child? Olivia for a girl. Not sure what main name I want for a boy but I want him to have Luis as one of his names, after my girlfriend’s dad. Are you mad at someone? Nope. What is this month's calendar picture? I don’t have a calendar with pictures. What is your last ex-boyfriend's or ex-girlfriend's name? The same one as my current girlfriend hahahaha Do you have an ex-friend that you miss? Mmm no actually! I recently got back in touch with Sofie and I couldn’t be happier :3 Our banter’s still the same after three years, so that’s really relieving for me. What color do you want your wedding dress to be? White. What is your favorite zoo animal? I don’t like zoos. Who were your favorite bands as a kid or teenager? Paramore, All Time Low, Sleeping with Sirens, We Are The In Crowd, Pierce the Veil, basically all the angsty tween bands lmfaooo. When I got a little older my music taste got considerably influenced by CM Punk’s, so I also started listening to bands like Against Me!, The Bouncing Souls, The Misfits, Rancid, H2O, Rise Against, Rage Against the Machine, etc. Do you use snapchat? Not anymore. I haven’t touched mine in a couple of years. How many months until your birthday? 8. Would you rather go out for pancakes or steak? It’s 8 in the morning, so pancakes sound perfect right now. Any other time of the day though I’d go for steak. What's your favorite ramen noodle flavor? Shoyu is my favorite variety of ramen. I don’t really dig instant ramen. What decade were you born in? 1990s. What is/was your favorite Homecoming Week day? Never had those. How do you feel when you read the Bible, if you read it? Encouraged? Angry? Exasperated, incredulous, disappointed, annoyed, bored. I just have very strong feelings about that book lol. Have you ever suffered from anxiety? You mean currently? Lols. Have you ever suffered from depression? Also currently. Have you ever seen an angel or a demon? I have not. I don’t believe in angels, and while I don’t 120% believe in demons, it’s a little fun and ~exhilarating to think about the possibility of their existence. What is something a lot of people like but you don't? Billie Eilish’s music. What color is your favorite pair of jeggings or skinny jeans? White. Do you own any bellbottoms? Nope. Do you own a dreamcatcher? Yes, I have a couple of dreamcatchers above my bed. What season's colors do you look best in? ...What? Have you ever done something incredibly stupid? Every day I do at least one incredibly stupid thing. Do you have revenge fantasies that you never actually play out? Hahaha, sure. What is your favorite mystical creature? Not a fan of those. What do you want to be when you grow up? I wanna work in the field of public relations. While I have to make peace with the fact that it exponentially EXHAUSTS me socially, I do like the fact that I genuinely enjoy the nature of the job and everything else that comes with it. Are you truly happy, or are you only happy because you're doing something to distract yourself from your problems? Or are you just sad? You got me on the second guess, buddy. Have you ever lost something amazing because you held on to it too hard? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Is there a guy or girl you let slip away and you wish you hadn't? No. I didn’t let them ~slip away so now they’re still in my life. Do you ever wonder what could have been? Sure. What's an uplifting song you like to listen to? Looking Up or Grudges, both by Paramore. Paisleys or plaid? Plaid. I didn’t know what paisleys were so I Googled them and OMG, I hate that design so much lmfao. What's your vocal range? Not high nor impressive at all. I don’t sing.

[meepface]

hello friends i am trying to distract myself feel free to ignore

1. What question do you hate answering?

people asking me what’s wrong when the answer is something about me feeling suicidal bc i don’t like my irls knowing i guess?? it makes me uncomfortable when people know too much about me in that aspect i guess. it makes me uncomfortable when people too much about me in general lmfao

2. If you could be anywhere in the world right now where would it be?

not to be gay but my girlfriend’s arms lmfaooo but if she could come with me i’d love to go to Iceland

3. Do you have any obsessions right now?

i’ve been really into folk music and girl punk as of late lol and i also am trying to change up my wardrobe completely so i’ve been real into thrift shopping as well

4. Does anyone in your real life know you have a tumblr and do they follow you?

yes i have a few people who follow me and all they’re learning about me by following me is that i’m really sad and i like girls, which are things they already know so it’s chill

5. What is something you disliked about today?

i have been depressoooo bc my plans today got a lil fucked up so i had too much free time to think about how much i miss my gf, and i am trying not to talk about it too much but i am sad. it’s okay bc tomorrow i have a full ass day with all my best friends and that’s gonna be so good for me. just gotta get out of this house

6. What’s one thing that people compliment you on and you don’t know why they do that?

my smile bc i think my smile is ugly as all hell and i’m working really hard on smiling in pictures more and loving it but man idk. people tell me it’s nice but i don’t see it ig

7. Do you like bubble baths?

yes very much!!

8. Do you talk to yourself?

all the time, i’m the only one who listens to me

9. Are you a writer?

i used to write like, stories, which i wanna do again bc i have so many ideas floating around in my brain. for now i write a lot of sad poems or poems about how in love i am and then just not show anyone bc i’m insecure, but i have journals of em

10. What are somethings you’ve written?

i started this cute gay love story about two boys and one tried to kill himself by walking into traffic and the other was the one driving the car that hit him and the boy survived and met the other boy and they fell in love and shit and i got pretty far but i just sorta stopped so i wanna pick that back up sometime. i could see that one being a cute indie film

11. Has someone ever written something for you?

yeah my ex boyfriend wrote a heavy metal guitar solo for me if that counts lmfaooo but i’ve had a few poems written by some people i’ve had things with and then a long time ago a disgusting boy wrote a NSFW fanfiction about me and John Krasinski and i was underage and he was 28 so that was disgusting!

12. Have you ever gotten a love letter?

from my current gf yes, i also got one from a girl i met on a dating app like three years ago lmfao and one from a girl i had a thing with in 2015. i also got one in middle school from a boy who was like in love w me but like in a creepy way so that was not fun lol

13. Favorite quote?

it changes but right now it’s “turn soft and lovely any time you have the chance”

14. Name one book that you will always remember. 

i really really loved The Outsiders i think it was one of my fave required readings in middle school

15. Name the top five things you spend the most time doing.

laying in my bed, hanging out w my gf, clothes shopping (esp when i don’t need it), working, drinking wine and crying probably

16. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

hmm this is a variety but lately i like Sweet Talk by Saint Motel, RENTAL by BROCKHAMPTON, Fish on a Hook by Wild Rivers, the acoustic version of There, There by The Wonder Years, and of course Disco Tits by Tove Lo

17. What’s the highest you’ve accomplished in school?

i did this short film about drinking and driving that was awesome, and i also directed our school’s first lip dub w my best friend and that was honestly a major highlight for me 

18. What do you do when you wake up?

i usually check my phone and lay there for like an hour sometimes an hour and a half and then i go shower

19. Morning showers or night showers?

moooorning

20. Beer or Wine?

wine, i am such a wine mom. i don’t entirely hate beer though

21. inside or outdoors?

outdoors if i’m somewhere green and pretty like the mountains. the mountains are honestly my happy place i love feelin small next to em and i wanna live somewhere where i’m surrounded by em

22. Morning or Night?

night if i’m with friends/gf, morning otherwise

23. Summer or Winter?

autumn

24. Rain or Sun?

sun !! rain makes me sad lately if i don’t have a lot of company with me 

25. Ice-cream or Cookies?

cookies bc i’m lactose intolerant lmfao

26. Sweet or Salty?

salty

27. What is your favorite beverage?

i’m a water bitch. coffee comes second tho

28. Has any one person ever made you so angry that you couldn’t forgive them?

i thought i forgave em but i don’t think i can, i’m still mad. not like they said sorry anyway though

29. Are you outgoing or shy?

not shy just introverted

30. Has someone ever made you cry?

everyone makes me cry i’m literally a baby

31. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

my girlfriend when she gets hoooome, also my cousin if he comes in town to visit

32. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

yeah, a few people. when i was crushing on Caitlin before we started dating i had it so bad i would literally cry on my way home from hanging out with her because i was in love with her but she had no idea. it’s all good now i can kiss her all the time

33. Do you have a crush on anyone right now?

yeah my cute gf here is us from a week ago when it was snowing in TX and everyone was losing their goddamn minds

34. Does anyone have a crush on you?

i would hope my gf does

35. Do you still talk to your first crush?

actually yes lmfao every once in a while, he lives in Alaska now so we can’t hang out anymore though or we still would

36. Name a person you love?

Caitlin

37. Ever broken someone’s heart?

yes

38. Ever been heartbroken?

yes

39. Do you ever want to get married?

i know at some point i do but i’m very scared of rushing into it. marriage and the concept of it kinda freaks me out. not the committing to one person for life part bc i can do that, but idk. maybe bc it didn’t work out for my parents i don’t really see it as completely necessary when you’re in love and committed to someone to marry them, but i think i’ll probably still get married if my partner wants to. i’d be committed to them either way is all i’m saying

40. Who are five people you find attractive?

my girlfriend, Borns, John Krasinski, Zendaya, Donald Glover

41. What’s your dirtiest secret?

if i talked about it it wouldn’t be a secret would it

42. Has someone ever bought you a drink?

yes but not in the romantic gesture kinda way

43. Have you ever gone home with someone you just met on a night out?

i’ve gone to a girl i made friends with’s house after just meeting her once?? i didn’t stay the night though and it was for a party w mutual friends so nothing like what i’m aware this question is trying to imply

44. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

nope not at all

45. Why did your last relationship end?

i broke up with him bc 1. i wasn’t attracted to him anymore and most importantly, 2. bc he cheated on me 

46. Would you get back with the person you were last in a relationship with?

absolutely not, plus i have a gf now who i love with my whole heart and dating anyone else sounds unappealing

47. Have you recently made any big decisions?

oh yeah, huuuuge ones. caved and got spotify premium yesterday and it saved my life

48. What has been your most favorite moment of 2017?

yikes it took me a few mins to think of one bc for the most part this has been a really awful year, but probably my first pride parade w my best friend!!

49. What did you do on April 7th, 2017?

that was the day before my birthday! i was probably just chillin and maybe having an existential crisis about turning 20

50. Are you excited for May 12th, 2017?

it already passed but i know around that time in my life i was taking a break from a lot of things that stressed me out and i was listening to a lot of Harry Styles so it was a good time probably

[actualltr4sh]

alright its time for another of these

1. describe yourself. i’m 5′4. i’m goofy when i feel like it. i’m pretty sarcastic or condescending depending on the mood of the receiver. i’m smart, but not on paper. i’m creative. and i’m a hot young ebony. *finger guns* 

2. if you could go anywhere for a week all expenses paid where would it be? antigua & barbuda. it’s where my dad is from and i neeeeed to be an island girl for like two seconds pls.

3. do you have siblings? 4 sisters 1 brother.

4. what is your favorite constellation, why? do not have.

5. favorite color. black.

6. what kind of music do you listen to? i like R&B, early 2000′s or that shit that’s pretty mainstream but everybody swear is lowkey (SZA, Kelela, Daniel Caesar, whoever idk). i like pop punk or alternative a lot too. florence & the machine saved me. or modern baseball, the front bottoms. whatever.

7. favorite flower. (you can name as many as you want cause flowers are awesome) i like roses. i literally have one one my arm so.

8. if you could do magic, what is the first spell you would learn? probably an invisibility spell. it seems simple and like the first thing you should do lol.

9. favorite childhood memory. wow i’ve never thought about this. there was this one christmas where they let me open all my gifts at 12. i got my nintendo DS that year and i remember hearing ‘you are my rock’ by beyonce for the first time.

10. have you ever been cheated on? ish. it sucked. he broke my heart lol.

11. if you could describe your perfect room, what would it be? it’s currently my living room. it’s really cool. actually it’d be more perfect if there was more shit on the wall. but it’s a couch and a playstation and a big tv. it’s lit.

12. favorite animal. owls. ravens. crows. i’m terrified of birds though lmao.

13. what was the last photo you took of? a board in a classroom for this project.

14. do you believe in soul mates? absolutely. i’ve had the pleasure of meeting a few.

15. do you hang toilet paper over or under? i let that shit do what it do.

16. your go to place to eat & your favorite thing to get there. i love texas roadhouse but i try something new whenever i go. chilis i get cajun chicken pasta though. no tomatoes cus i’m not a crazy person.

17. do you believe everything happens for a reason? sometimes. i do think shit just be happening though.

18. guilty pressures? what?

19. favorite mythical creature, why? witches. although i want to believe they’re real. cus they be changing shit. and shit be needing change.

20. something most people don’t know about you. i can’t drive. i’m like a C+ driver lmfao. like we won’t DIE but i’m not who you suggest to do it.

21. where did you grow up, what was it like? detroit. straight as hell. coney slaps lmfao.

22. do you believe aliens exist? that would be narcissistic of me as a human to think that we are the ONLY species to exist.

23. what was your last google search? “how to poop better.” i bullshit you not LMFAOOOOO.

24. what did your last relationship teach you? BITCH. it taught me what i needed in a relationship. what i didn’t need. to put my healing first before anyone else. that love does not always conquer all. to never put a significant other before a friend. to give myself the same love & forgiveness i would forgive anyone else. bitch, i got nothing but lessons lmao.

25. would you relocate for love? i would do anything for love with my dumbass.

26. do you hold grudges or forgive easy? i forgive, not easy, but i forgive. i also don’t hold grudges, but i don’t forget.

27. favorite book. many. eleanor & park is a easy one to say though. i’d have to think forreal. 

28. do you consider yourself an extrovert or introvert? bitch i am introverted as hell. i go days without speaking to people lol.

29. have you ever kept a journal, do you now? i have kept a diary/journal religiously since i was 5.

30. top 5 favorite movies. paid in full, bring it on, halloween, stepbrothers, horrible bosses.

31. do you believe that everything happens for a reason?: didn’t i already answer this? sometimes, nigga.

32. what is your greatest fear? falling in the oven. or never being happy.

33. favorite alcoholic beverage. crown royal vanilla. or anything. i’m that friend lmao.

34. most embarrassing thing you’ve done. be born probably.

35. do you believe in ghosts? all of that.

36. what is the best and worst part of your personality? i make a joke out of everything. the good shit, the bad shit. i’m making fun of it.

37. should you split the dinner bill? if y’all struggling, sure. if you feel like it, sure. money doesn’t matter to me honestly idc lmfao.

38. are you a good liar? ish. i try not to tbh because i don’t really know if i can pull it off lol.

39. what keeps you up at night? i be knocked out forreal LMFAO but anxiety. if i’m not asleep i’m panicking. about.. anything.

40. would you rather go without your phone or music? i truly only use my phone for music. give me an ipod i swear i’d be good.

41. do you believe in god? i believe so. i think so. maybe. yes. i’m the worst christian LMFAO

42. how do you relax when frustrated? i don’t. i have anxiety. jk. ish. lmfaooo. i shower. i write. i watch tv. i sleep. i cook.

43. what’s something that offends you? hearing people talk about mental illnesses in a way that doesn’t accurately depict the experience.

44. favorite food nachOOOOOS

45. if you were on a 10 hour flight and could sit and talk to any person the entire time, who would it be? my ex :/ he was really my best friend LMAO

46. when do you feel the most confident? lowkey, when i’m naked. i got abs and my titties sit. lmfaoooo

47. what do you do on your free time? sleep or watch tv or write.

48. is there anyone who has completely lost your respect i be looking at people differently but i don’t think i don’t respect anyone.

49. have you ever broken someone’s heart? doubtful.

50. did/do you play sports in school? yeah lol i cheered and did gymnastics.

51. when are you happiest? writing or escaping with a tv show.

52. coffee or tea? CAFFEINE ME PLS!

53. what is one possession you own you wouldn’t want to live without? as of late, my camera. i love my baby.

54. what is the first thing you notice about a person? idk. haven’t met anybody new lately.

55. what is your favorite season, why? spring or fall. spring is rainy, fall is gloomy.

56. what makes you laugh? trauma.

57. are you a clean or messy person? messy normally, clean if i’m manic or suddenly tryna shape my shit up.

58. what is important for a successful relationship? COMMUNICATION.

59. what was your upcoming like? fine. rocky. confusing. okay i guess though.

60. favorite holiday? halloween :)

61. what is the first thing you’d do if you won the lottery? pay off my all my debt. student. medical bills. all of it. i don’t wanna owe shit.

62. what’s the best pizza topping combination? bacon and ham is all i get.

63. favorite outdoor activity. going back inside, the fuck lmfaoooo.

64. how are you? honestly. i’m drunk right now so.

65. would you rather go camping in the woods or stay at a beach resort? i hate outside in general. but beaches. less bugs.

66. what is the most beautiful thing in nature? the sun/moon.

67. favorite type of candy? sour patches watermelon or swedish fish or carmello chocolate bars.

68. if your life was a book, what would be the title? ‘pieces in print’

69. what movie quotes do you use of a regular bases? oh god, do i use any?the first thing i thought of was “cha feel? cha definitely feel.” from 21 jumpstreet and i rarely even say that lol.

70. what was cool when you were young but not cool now? webkinz.

71. what’s the craziest conversation you have ever eves dropped on? i don’t remember her words exactly but something about fucking a monkey my freshman year of highschool.

72. what’s the most interesting documentary you’ve ever watched? they’re all pretty interesting. that abducted in plain sight shit was DUMB tho.

73. what’s the worst hairstyle you’ve had? bangs in the 7th grade like anybody lmao.

74. what do you like to cook? all of it. i love cooking!

75. what’s the coolest animal you’ve seen in the wild? ...in the wild? i saw a rat in the street once.

76. what’s the funniest tv show you’ve ever seen?: bitch this is hard. schitts creek. arrested development. the office. misfits. idk tv is funny as hell.

77. do you usually follow your heart or your head? both. once someone told me i made calculated risks and i will never forget it. if i want to do something i WILL do it. but before i do it i think about the best, worst, and most realistic case scenario lmao.

78. what is your favorite quote? “if you are neutral in times of oppresion you have chosen the side of the oppressor.”

79. what’s the weirdest crush you have ever had? my after school teacher in 5th grade. he actually reminds me of jim halpert now that i think about it. makes sense.

80. what’s your love language? quality time and words of affirmation. so literally hang out with me and tell me you love me.

81. do you ever feel alone? yeah. this time last year was the worst of it. i don’t feel like that too much anymore though.

82. ever been bullied? yes nigga. shit sucks.

83. are you usually early or late? on time or late. i can’t be early for the life of me you asking for too much lmfao.

84. what kind of art do you enjoy most? writing. poetry. stories. you know.

85. what do you wish you knew more about? myself.

[i-amusemyself]

All the stationary.

Ahhhh ty!!! I can’t tell if you wanna know that much bc you gaf or not though.....

Paranoia aside imma overshare either way!! *finger guns*

gel pen: when are you most comfortable?

I mean, I have anxiety so that just doesn’t happen much lmao! My first thought though was when I visit my favourite place, a little corner of a field with amazing views where I’m always on my own. I love it there.

ballpoint pen: tell me about the day you’ve just had

The day I’ve had was hell, so I’d rather relive yesterday.

Yesterday I woke up and binge watched supernatural; actually remembered to eat for once then was actually motivated enough to do revision. I got into hysterics over a tumblr post so quickly decided it was a day I should be avoiding hella emotional stuff....10 minutes later I was watching the last ever episode of prison break and sobbing uncontrollably at every word. In the afternoon I went out but not before losing my phone which was exactly where I left it. By that point though I was so late I had to speed walk at least 2 miles to the next village, where of course my friend arrived flanked by two pretty decent looking guys. I honestly looked like a tomato with water retention issues at that point so I’m sure that was a fabulous first impression. Then we got over to our revision session at the library early so went to the pub instead which was a dream; didn’t get any alcohol though because you can’t revise biology while hammered. Believe me. Then I stayed up late enough to get my ass whooped last night but it was so worth it because even though it turned into some sort of snapchat contest, I was laughing my ass off the whole time it was amazing. 

That enough of a day for you?fineliner: what’s your greatest achievement?

I used to train with the england basketball team, and I played for East Midlands. That was a pretty cool experience.highlighter: what are your best qualities?

Jfc, plural? Idk! I’m pretty motivated? And I always make an effort to tell the truth (if its good, otherwise I keep my mouth shut).

greylead: what is something you want to try for the first time?

Being attractive. Being loved. Need I go on? Oh and also giant zip-lining.felt-tip: describe your aesthetic

My bedroom looks like an ikea showroom lmfaooo so whatever that is. Weird architecture and cacti and random objects in neat little storage places.

But equally like, overgrown graveyards mixed with roses and anything black. Depends on my mood.crayon: your earliest childhood memory

Treading on a bee and having to have the sting removed from my foot lmao

scrapbook: something from your childhood that makes you smile

............um??

Okay there was this one time we found an old camera in the loft. I must’ve been 3 since my dad was still there. Anyway we all went out in the garden and it was such a normal little family thing, but it’s the only time I ever remember that happening. It’s got my parents waving and looking happy and me sticking my head out from inside a little wendy house grinning and it’s so cute. It’s the sort of thing I wish I’d had more of.

sketching pad: describe yourself from a stranger’s point of view

A lanky thing approaches. It has a stereotypical lesbian haircut, bad eyesight and appears to have given up on all things fashionable. It’s shy and awkward, so makes you feel extremely uncomfortable too. It appears to be reasonably friendly, but occasionally says things that don’t make a single bit of sense before desperately looking around the room looking for more small talk inspiration. You’re overall impression is it’s a pretty boring human being, probably totally harmless, but would be incredibly easy to replace.notebook: what’s your favourite quote?

I have a couple of little quotes I remind myself of on a daily basis, ranging from song lyrics; “darling you’ll be okay” and “the sun will rise and we will try again” to “pick your fights” and “you gotta give a bit of yourself to get something in return”. I kinda live my life by those.paper: what kind of book would you write?

I have absolutely no idea! I can’t see myself ever having the motivation to write a book.stapler: out of all the people you know, who do you think you are closest to?

My best friend @only-slightly-dangerous who literally knows me so well it’s scary! She can literally message me out of knowhere and know from 3000 miles away if I’m in pain.glue stick: what do you look for in a lasting relationship/friendship?

I can’t be dealing with people that lie or are fake or whatever. So definitely honesty. Also people just being themselves and not being afraid to be weird or whatever, because that’s when I relax a bit lmao! I guess a decent sense of humor too? And someone that doesn’t mind you asking questions or whatever. Idk. Sometimes you just click with people without being about to put it down to a specific characteristic.tape: tell me about your longest friendship

It wasn’t very long. 

I mean I had “friendships” through all of primary school but that doesn’t really feel like it counts. Secondary school? The first girl I made friends with and was really close to for 5 years is now like,,, someone I honestly can’t even stand to hear about soooruler: what line will you never cross?

I could never cheat. eraser: what do you consider to be your biggest mistake?

I’m not sure. Maybe not standing up for myself more at school and at home. There have been occasions where it would have been totally reasonable but I just shut up and let shit happen so I’ve spent a lot of time beating myself up about that stuff.

Also, and I know I shouldn’t but, I still spend a lot of time thinking about a boy at our school who killed himself and I never knew him but I still wonder if I could have done anything.scissors: ever had a bad break-up?

Nothing hella nasty but I don’t really talk to any of my ex’s at all.calculator: list fifteen things that make you happy

Lmaooo I’ll do my best!! Okay so music; concerts; friends; seeing other people laughing; making people laugh; stand up comedy; hella good art; hearing people tell stories; sitting and listening in the middle of knowhere; thunderstorms; exploring; helping people; good food; the sound of rain on the roof; cuddling and tumblr.protractor: an unpopular opinion/angle you have on an issue

Pinapple is good on pizza.sticky note: something about yourself you’d like to change

I feel like I have no personality so like,,,I wish that could be better. I wish I was pretty. Or attractive or whatever. Oh and I wish I could sing those hella high notes because I feel sorry for the neighbours atm.stamp: a date that’s special for you and why

25th March because that’s the day my life changed just enough for me to carry on.bookmark: a book that means a lot to you and why

I always just say Numbers, but honestly it was the first ever book I cried at and I feel like it helped me understand the world a little more.folder: describe your family

How long do you have? I mean, it’s quite a small family but I’m not that close to any of them. Most of them are just pretty conservative living in little nuclear families. I didn’t used to get on too well with my dad but we’ve got a lot closer. I still don’t get on with my mum very well though bc she’s abusive. welp. whiteboard: tell me your plans for tomorrow

I’m gonna die a slow, painful death by revision and then recover when I go to my dad’s and walk Borris.blackboard: tell me about a memory that has affected who you are today

All those memories are locked away in a place I can’t get to and I think it’s best to keep it that way for now.

A low key one is probably when a friend once told me nobody cared about me or what I had to say and I’ve basically been mute in most social situations since XDpinboard: what are you focusing on in your life right now?

Exams. A level exams. Just one more month and I’m freeeee!!!tablet: tell me your plans for the future

Start a fresh life at uni and get this degree. Then who knows? I’ll probably go and get another degree and I’m pretty sure I’ll end up doing medicine.stencil: who are your role models?

I don’t have very many. Kaitlyn Alexander for sure, because they really helped me understand who I am and start to accept it. Also Luke Cutforth because I love his YouTube channel but also a lot of things he’s done related to mental health have been helpful and I relate a lot.envelope: tell me a secret

I’m going to my end of year prom in a shirt and tie and I haven’t told anyone yet and I’m scared shitless. I’m still gonna do it though!!

[views-from-the-clocktower]

.

[t-shrt]

100 q tag

no one wud read it but ima do it anyways cos fun tag by @dubblebubble

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? more cereal than milk cos i love tht crunchy crunch

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? LOVE

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? receipts, pen lol

4: how do you take your coffee/tea? coffee=basic latte/hot tea, no sugar

5: are you self-conscious of your smile? sometimes, not too often tho

6: do you keep plants? no but i want to but ill be terrible at it so no

7: do you name your plants?

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? digital art

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? yes very it keeps me sane

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? side/back, back esp nowadays

11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends? lots lol

12: what’s your favorite planet? earth? hahahah it used to be jupiter cos i loved sailor jupiter as a child

13: what’s something that made you smile today? friend + nct + fics

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? two separate bedrooms, a balcony, good amount of plants, separate fridge for alcohol, sizeable kitchen

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! it rains diamonds in jupiter and saturn $$$$

16: what’s your favorite pasta dish? bolognese hahahaha im boring

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? i just dyed my hair a darker ash brown n i quite like it ive been light for awhile

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. one came 2 mind cos we both recently talked ab it, a longtime close friend of mine n i used to have the biggest fight where he threw me a pair of scissors n i threw him a basketball in retaliation lmfaooo it still became a running joke more than a decade later...

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? not really...prolly shud

20: what’s your favorite eye color? i actually like brown hahah, maybe a slightly lighter shade of brown

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. it was a gift from my parents, a simple small messenger bag with a lot of slots, brought it with me literally everywhere, during my hookups, my night outs, been stained with questionable things (its been cleaned lol!).... almost lost it in a club only to be found by a friend... it has foundation stains tho lol

22: are you a morning person? n o

23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? sleep, listen to music, watch stuff, not reply to messages

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? no

25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into? nothing rly comes to mind but im p sure ive been somewhere like tht lol

26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit? LOL my adidas superstars

27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor? ermm the red colored ones?

28: sunrise or sunset? hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm very good question

29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? hmm what comes to mind is the way both of us sometimes exchange goodnight msgs w nct farm emojis heheeh

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? lol ofc....

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. unfortunately im rly basic on socks, u wud most likely find me wearing black ankle socks or black ballet(?) socks nothing more nothing less.......

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. a lot has happened usually during that time lol. duno which story to pick honestly hahahah. i think a memorable one might be when we were drinking n played games and we talked and talked and joked n nek min one by one we fell asleep in the same room hahah... im sure there are other stories tht might be more eventful but fr the life of me my memorys fuzzy rn lol

33: what’s your fave pastry? i love strawberry shortcakes! or mille crepes

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? i kept a LOT hahah. prolly named a few, but nothing was too special. i think it rly reflected how i managed my relationships then, n evn yrs aftwds, like i ws always lonely n my instincts were to gain quantity cos deep down i cudnt trust ppl n cudnt get too committed lololol

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? i wish i was cos sometimes ppl wud make pretty colorful notes, but i usually just buy ones tht i wud use cos practicality.

36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now? mmmmm is it cheating if i say nct cos they cover a range of genres lmao. but their ballads i guess yeah.

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean? i mean i prefer to keep it clean, but its always really messy HAHAHA ;_;

38: tell us about your pet peeves! 1. someone rude 2. someone who doesnt know how to respect others’ boundaries 3. someone self-entitled n takes themselves 2 seriously

39: what color do you wear the most? black on black on black on black baby

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you? an evangelion ring, its the black (lilith) moon with lcl gem in it, to me i guess symbolizes my struggle with human relations, n how eva as an anime illustrated tht n the fantasy of having everyone’s consciousness merged into one--n the fact that lilith in itself (in astrology) signifies the darker side of a human being? i guess n the fact that evn if u acknowledge ur darker side u cud still use it to further urself

41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving? hmmmm i guess last was a self help book, unfuck your boundaries, helped me support my need to strengthen my boundaries

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! little rogue :) its in a small alleyway, a little quaint shop, easy to miss... small potted plants, with an amaaazing matcha latte

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? siiigh a guy i was involved with lmfao i cut him off tho

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? hmmmmm good question i guess lately ive been very thankful tht i could feel comfortable taking my own time and space, n accepting the positive energy others wn give 2 me. being single really, really does help evn tho id feel lonely sometimes, bc the only weight i carry is the weight of my own soul n i wn learn how to nourish that

45: do you trust your instincts a lot? very i think

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of. i have a lot HAHAHA if u were a friend of mine ud prolly get tired of them. a genuinely bad one wud be haha youre so punny lmfao

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe? nothing rly lmao if theyre healthy n someone derives happiness frm it i wudnt want it to be banned

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? probably not lol, i mean i think i retained similar fears since i ws a kid but now obviously my biggest fear(s) would be more...specific to me

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? its the digital age baby spotify ftw (in all srsness i wish i collected vinyls tho hh)

50: what’s an odd thing you collect? i used to collect ramune bottles lmaoooo

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? hmmmm nah lets not do this right now lol

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? LOL too many but i love shitpost quality memes tbh

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? pulp fiction. i actually loved it, i think i still do, its entertainment value is kickass, havent taken the time to dissect it in any other way

54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? oh man i think it ws the dude i ws seeing lmao fk him

55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point? a lot, n most of them im not proud of, cos some involves self harm

56: what are some things you find endearing in people? kindness n genuineness, someone’s courage in being vulnerable

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? dont feel like it rn but everytime i do 10/10 will dramatically reenact the lyrics right to the guitar riffs

58: who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? im definitely the wine (aunt) lmfaooo im already one tbh 

59: what’s your favorite myth? Eros + Psyche, Icarus and the sun

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? i love poetry hahah...cant think of any rn

61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received? id love any gift given 2 me as long as they wont harm me or anything lmao n i dont think ive evr given anything too stupid. well.. idk if this is stupid tho like i sent flowers thanking my ex for ‘helping me live’ well aft we’ve blocked each other off cos the end to the relo was js daaamn toxic lmao

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? nope

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? music i do spotify n im pretty particular ab organizing my playlists i guess. my books im alright with as long as theyre just stacked properly no problem

64: what color is the sky where you are right now? prolly rly dark blue cos its 12 am

65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with? a lot tbh cos ive rly been focusing on stuff internally

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? daisies, sunflowers, n baby breath here n there

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? somber i guess maybe a tad bit nostalgic?

68: what’s winter like where you live? heeella cold not cos of the temperature itself but the winds thooo, if it drizzles evn in the slightest it feels like needles piercing through ur bones literally

69: what are your favorite board games? i like the game of life, ummm cards against humanity?

70: have you ever used a ouija board? no n never will lol

71: what’s your favorite kind of tea? the fruity kinds

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it? yea def lol

73: what are some of your worst habits? disappearing from people when i feel strong emotions

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. they’re small but they’re so full of love, full of life, full of strength, and full of care for others, they’re the type of person who will seek their goals till the end despite obstacles and still be able to not lose their warm heart on the way. they put so much thought and care to every aspect of their life even when in the past they have been handed some bad things, and i adore them for that.

75: tell us about your pets! none :( wish i have a cat though

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t? hahahhaah

77: pink or yellow lemonade? pink!

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? neither sometimes i think theyre weird sometimes cute sometimes weirdly cute lmao

79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? write up 24 things they love about me to stop me from hating myself

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? white. no but if i had to id say white anyways lol cos its a blank canvas

81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. i dunno uhhhh her rounded eyes which seemed to at first glance, harbor plenty of wonder seemed to be weighted by many untold secrets, the traces of which could be found when she erupts into laughter where the wonder would manifest itself in the form of small stars in the dark of her eyes.

82: are/were you good in school? meh. i try

83: what’s some of your favorite album art? weirdly i like cigarette after sex’s one cos its so simple yet telling

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? planning on getting an evangelion one, another heart one, a sunflower one, and prolly a ghibli related one

85: do you read comics? what are your faves? manga? naruto 4evr LOL

86: do you like concept albums? which ones? hmmm thinkin of dpr live’s IAOT

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? lord of the rings, harry potter, one of ghibli movies lol

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? i think impressionism is very cool evn tho i dont do it myself

89: are you close to your parents? eeeeee

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. Melbourne is a wonderful city where many things could coexist in one--happiness and sadness, camaraderie and loneliness, hot and cold, quiet and full of life, productive and relaxed, bursting with unfocused energy yet incredibly organized, and for many reasons it’s become one of my favorite cities, and definitely my favorite to live in.

91: where do you plan on traveling this year? no plans tbh lol maybe home?.......japan? heheheh nahhh

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? it depends lol mostly i guess drowns my pasta in cheese

93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most? i always wear it down, either straight or wavy

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday? a friend of mine

95: what are your plans for this weekend? stay in most likely, do stuff

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? 100% procrastinate lmaoooo

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? ISTG, jkjk INFP, leo sun aquarius moon cancer rising, ravenclaw

98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? im alws meh ab hiking tbh lmao 

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. Long Slow Distance - NCT 127, Four - Sleeping At Last, idontwannabeyouanymore - Billie Eilish, Stop This Train - John Mayer, Digital Lover - Crush

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? 5 years into the past so she’d stop focusing her life around anybody else but herself

[chityca]

Drunken Night - November 28, 2018

I am going to write about the night that I finally got drunk because I feel like I would forget it over time, and I keep remembering small things that happened haha.

So this was a Wednesday when I just got back from America. Well my multiple plane rides. I hardly had any sleep on the plane because I had an aisle seat. I hardly had any food in my system because I did not like the plane food in the morning.

I was on the way back to Gwangju from incheon, and I messaged Hyunwook, because I told him we should hang out when I get back. We haven’t seen each other for so long because of our conflicting schedules. But he didn’t reply to me for a while so I thought, maybe I shouldn’t even message him that I am back. But I wanted to try one last time.

Honestly, I really like this guy. But I don’t know what he wants from me :(

He messaged me back though. And suggested we drink tonight (If I wanted to). That’s what I like about him as well haha. He always says, “if you would like to ... we can hang out or we can drink etc.” so he said I could go to his home. Surprisingly, I haven’t been there because we always went to motels hahah. In which, i don’t know why we always did if he has a place??? His parents live beside him though, so he said we must not make a lot of noise ... lol ..

I took a taxi to his place and he told me he didn’t have a lot of money. But I was okay with it because I could pay for him honestly haha. I don’t think he likes me paying for him but I would rather pay since he let me stay at his place. He came outside of his place and met me. By the way, it was kind of scary hahah. Probably because I did not know where I was. And it had been so long since I last saw him that I didn’t remember what he looked like. I never hug him when I first see him lmao. I wish that I would, but I’m shy. Like, what if he doesn’t want me to hug him??? I wish we would hug when we first see each other :(

So, we decided to go to a convience store. I had to get out cash as well. Then we decided to go to a restaurant to drink. We walked there. It was kind of awkward haha. We didn’t hold hands or anything either.

When we got to the restaurant, we ordered drinks and chicken feet. I think we ordered 3 bottles of soju. I drank a lot ... haha. By the end of the time we were there, I was pretty tipsy and happy. I used the bathroom a lot and was kind of stumbling lmao.

Anyways, we caught up and he told me he had sex with another girl and gave her his number. Ah, red signs man?? I didn’t care though?? I told him the last person I had sex with was him. Maybe this is a one way feeling yikes.

I paid for the food and drinks, which was 42,000 won. Double yikes. The lady was nice though. When we left the place, I was pretty drunk actually haaha. He probably was too?? I’m not sure. We decided to get more drinks at the convience store for some odd reason, so we got 4 beers. Honestly, I don’t remember agreeing to that lmao. I sure as hell don’t remember picking the beer I wanted.

He held my hand this time though, and put it in his pocket. Somehow I could not walk and squated on the ground for a while to laugh a lot. I remember him telling me that his place was very close so I should hurry and get up.

Then we are at his place, and he had to message his friend about Thailand so he sat at his desk. I told him that it was okay. And I took off my jacket and put his own and laid on the bed. I was very dizzy at that point lmao. But somehow, I fell asleep.

He woke up me and said he was shocked I fell asleep because I was snoring haha. I don’t remember much after that.

Somehow he was at his desk and I went to sit on his lap and look at stuff on his desk. Then I put his glasses on him and I don’t even remember if it looked cute or not lmao. I also wrote in one of his notebooks but misspelled his name lmfaooo. I put 안녕하세요 현운 바보 ❤️” lmfaoo i was like shit i spelled your name wrong and scratched it out and rewrote his name. Wow it was probably very sloppy. I was drunk man.

We sat on the floor one time during the night? He had drank 3 of the beer cans I think hahaha. They were empty and I only remember drinking a sip of one Asahi. We talked during that time. I asked him if he wanted me to be his girlfriend. He said yeah because of that time on kakao when he asked me what I wanted. He said he really wants to go to the ACC with me and have a picnic and he was sooo enthusiastic about it. I told him I really wanted to go as well and I made him promise that we go. But he was drunk so he didn’t remember :( And does he really keep his promises :/ He told me we should see each other 5 times a week if we are girlfriend and boyfriend haha. I told him of course. I want to see him all of the time. He also said that he won’t meet any girls in Thailand and will send me photos through Kakao. (But he hasn’t so ... I really shouldn’t trust his words :/ I am a fool for this guy)

We somehow made it to the bed. And I kept asking him how to ask “will you be my girlfriend” in korean haha i told him to ask me it. We also talked about our grandmas and started crying together lol ... so drunk we were. He also said I should practice more Korean hahahaha yeah I should.

We had sex a lot because he loves fucking when he is drunk omg. Anyways I really like having sex with him. He is so good at it omg.

Somehow, I sucked his dick too?? We had a conversation about if he liked getting his dick sucked or not. Because I wanted to suck his dick at the movies the first time hahahah. And I told him that. Also I kind of remember getting on top of him???? Fuck I really don’t remember if it was a dream or reality lmfao.

Oh yeah and I tried anal shittttttt. Felt weird bc we need fucking lube man. He is fucking crazy sex addict.

The next morning I had a huge hangover and kept throwing up. He also had a hangover. We laid in bed together for a long time. I was hungry though. And wanted to go out to eat but he ordered food for delivery. We didn’t really talk much and just laid on our phones.

He was messaging a girl a lot so idk? Also he watched YouTube videos most of the time. There was one he was watching, faker haha i told him I used to watch my ex bf watch it.

And then I started watching meteor garden and there was this one romantic scene where the guy kissed the girl. And I was like WOW sO roManTic. And i was hinting for him to be romantic. And he took his hand away from me, shly, and apologized hhaha. It was cute. I liked laying in bed with him and cuddling. It felt nice.

So I decided to leave at like 7pm. He walked me to the bus stop and I asked him if he remembered. But of course he didn’t. I asked if he wanted to be boyfriend and girlfriend when he comes back, and he agreed but idk man. Something about me asking is odd .. :/

He got a phone call so when my bus came we didn’t hug or kiss he just waved at me. So it felt odd.

This whole thing feels odd. I like him though. And i want to see him again. If he messages me when he comes back to Thailand then I will see him. But will he? :/ Maybe, he has someone else for him.