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bottomcasbigbang · 4 years ago

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Here you can read all the stories of our second round and check out the artwork our participants have created! Thank you to everyone who was a part of this, be it as a writer, author, beta, reader, cheerleader or helping hand! Thank you so much everyone and we hope we’ll see you back for the next round! ♥

Without further ado, the BCBB 2019/2020 creations:

Wayward Sons by Substiel (Explicit, 29k)

Illustrated by bees0are0awesome

It's the year 1919 and the Wayward Sons are the most powerful criminal organization in the country. It's ruled by Dean Winchester who bares the Mark of Cain. A curse given to him when Mary Winchester made a deal with the Devil to save her dying son. Dean was always a cold blood killer who did everything for business, and he never let anyone into his heart. He didn't dare let himself get too close to someone. That was until the Roadhouse hired a new bartender.

Castiel always admired Dean from afar for helping the lower class have a voice. For some reason, the bartender knows how to get under Dean's skin. There was something different about him which led to the beginning of their newfound relationship. Two broken souls finding each other in the middle.

Archive Warning: Graphic Depiction of Violence

Art Masterpost / Fic Masterpost

My Bloody Luck by TaymeeLove (Mature, 16k)

Illustrated by Kamicom

Castiel was a struggling actor who never had luck on his side in life or his relationships. He met with an accident and his life was never the same after. Will his luck in relationships turn around this time?

Art Masterpost / Fic Masterpost

Metanoia by adestielable (Explicit, 24k)

Illustrated by Noavice

Castiel’s existence has been nothing but pain, humiliation, and degradation. He’s an omega in a world where omegas are objects for an alpha’s enjoyment.

After a brutal assault on his nineteenth birthday, Castiel began entering into beastie fights—matches where instead of people going head to head, bio and mechanically engineered beasts fight to the death. And in Castiel’s months of fights, he’s not lost once.

It’s after one of these fights where Castiel meets Dean, his supposed true mate. Castiel hates alphas, and has vowed never to let one into his life because all alphas do is inflict pain. Yet…Dean is different. And Castiel finds he can’t help being drawn to him.

Archive Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage

Art Masterpost / Fic Masterpost

Profound Kisses by BENKA79 (Explicit, 20k)

Illustrated by Gio (sketching-fox)

Dean knows he's screwed. He discovers he is in love with Castiel in Purgatory, and now he can't even have the angel in front of him, because he knows it's a one sided love. It’s Valentine's day and Dean tries very hard to hook up as always, but he can't get Cas out of his mind. So he drives back to the motel, drunk, and he finds Castiel trying to help him. Then, when Dean asks Castiel for some experimental kisses and the angel accepts, Dean starts a very dangerous game… finding in Castiel's kisses the most delicious experiences, but also, his own perdition. Will Castiel fall in love with him? Or will he stay emotionless as always?

Art Masterpost / Fic Masterpost

Sparks by DragonSgotenks (Explicit, 20k)

Illustrated by VampyRosa

Omega Cas meets Alpha Dean during one of the worst weeks of his life. Sparks fly when they realize they're truemates. But after a wild and intense night that ends with both of them sporting new mating bites, could a simple misunderstanding tear the new couple apart before they even have a chance to begin?

Art Masterpost / Fic Masterpost

Lesson Number 1: Monsters are Real by blueye22 (Explicit, 20k)

Illustrated by kuwlshadow

When Anael "Jo" Novak goes missing during a hike in the mountains with her boyfriend, worried brother, Castiel, goes in search of her. Castiel is surprised to receive the help of FBI agents, Dean and Sam. But what are they hiding?

Archive Warnings: Graphic Depictions of Violence

Art Masterpost / Fic Masterpost

You At the End of the Rail by spnsmile (Explicit, 30k)

Illustrated by verobatto-angelxhunter

Dean receives a text message from a new human Cas telling him of his suspicion that angels have found him in Gas n Sip. Still filled with guilt for kicking the ex-angel out of the Bunker, Dean steps up to make it up to his friend. Worried, Dean concludes the ex-angel has to disappear for many days so he asks Cas where he wants to go.

Cas’ answer?

Trains.

Fucking trains.

Archive Warnings: Graphic depictions of violence

Art Masterpost / Fic Masterpost

On Your Knees by raths_kitten (Explicit, 14k)

Illustrated by angeltortured

When Dean gets the assignment to follow the Fallen Angels on tour and write a feature article on them, he isn‘t their biggest fan. But that quickly changes when he hears them play live - and meets their charismatic lead singer Castiel in person.

Art Masterpost / Fic Masterpost

Just Like in the Movies by noxsoulmate (Explicit, 46k)

Illustrated by lotrspnfangirl

In a world where a new mark appears whenever you fall in love, Hollywood sweetheart, Castiel James, is known for his unblemished skin. Oh, he has the faint shadows of old crushes and childish infatuations, but no mark is that of something deep and true. No mark has ever stuck, no mark has ever become more than a hazy outline. Because Cas, well... Cas has never been in love.

The skin of bookshop owner Dean Winchester, however, tells another tale entirely. Dean loves freely, quickly, and deeply. He loves his family, he loves his friends, he still cares for his exes. While the first two don’t show on his skin, the latter do. All brushed over his body in various shapes and forms and colors. Of varying clarity. But even Dean has yet to get that one mark. That mark that sticks. The mark that is so deep, and so sharp, and so clear, it can only be that of a profound bond.

These two men share a common hope; a common desire. That one day, they might have a mark that means they have found a love that is as deep and true as love can be - just like in the movies.

Art Masterpost / Fic Masterpost

Granted by Andromache_42 (Explicit, 20k)

Illustrated by agusvedder

At forty-one, Dr. Castiel Novak is the proud recipient of a generous grant to fund his project on sustainability and urban farming from the Campbell Foundation, a small investing firm based out of Chicago. The night before he meets the award committee, lonely and pushed by his friend Balthazar, Castiel has the best sex of his life during a casual Grindr hook-up with “just-visiting” forty-seven-year-old Dean. Castiel’s life appears to be coming together, until he discovers that Dean is the head of the grant award committee. For the sake of professionalism, Castiel is willing to ignore the intense attraction between the two of them, but Dean turns out to be too tempting to resist.

Art Masterpost / Fic Masterpost

Finding Bigfoot by Desirae (Explicit, 22k)

Illustrated by Tamapochi

“Don’t be such a worrywart. It’s vacation time. Campfires, fishing, beer. What’s better than that?”

“Apparently a sasquatch sighting?” Castiel snarked, with an arched brow.

“Well, yeah. I mean, Sam’s a good substitute, but it’d be nice to see the real thing,” Dean grinned.

Finding Bigfoot wasn't exactly on the itinerary when Dean, Cas, and Sam planned their annual boys-only camping trip, but with his brother in a noticeable funk, Dean was prepared to do what he had to do. Even if it meant keeping quiet about a long-waited love confession from his best friend.

Determined to stay focused on distracting Sam from his troubles, and not make him feel like a third wheel, Dean and Castiel decide to keep their new relationship status to themselves, until after vacation is over.

After years of mutual pining, that shouldn’t be too hard, right?

Art Masterpost / Fic Masterpost

Meet me at Sunset by Suus_Arido (Mature, 55k)

Illustrated by celstese

Ever since the Barrier of Melaina fell and plunged the worlds of men, monsters and magic together, the Republic Elohim has kept its citizens save with help from the hunter organization the Red Circle.

Dean Winchester has never known how the world looked before the fall of the barrier. He and his family have been part of the Red Circle for generations and he knew it was his faith to die in battle. All he is supposed to want is to protect the innocents from darkness. But how can he when his soul is dark and corrupt?

As the monsters start to adapt and become more intelligent, the rise of chaos is not far behind. It’s midst this chaos that Dean meets a human with the name of an angel. Not only does this man believe in the salvation of the world but he also seems to believe that Dean is redeemable as well.

A love story may perhaps develop but Dean knows better, for it is known that the faith of a hunter is tragedy. Will Dean be able to make the right call? Even when blue eyes turn unrecognizable?

Archive Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con

Art Masterpost / Fic Masterpost

Beyond Borders by xHaruka17x (Explicit, 53k)

Illustrated by Diminuel

Sometimes doing what is right, what feels right, doesn't mean you’ll escape the consequences of those actions. Dean Winchester is the Head Alpha of one of the largest packs of the Western Hemisphere. He is days away from being a married and mated Alpha, ready for the next chapter in his life to commence, only for a horrific accident to change everything. Adam, Dean and Sam's little brother, is killed in a car accident across the globe in Russia. Dean finds out his little brother's now widowed Omega is all alone and pregnant, left to the mercy of his horrible home pack. Dean makes a decision and he knows things will explode when he gets back home, but he knows in his heart it’s the right thing to do.

Art Masterpost / Fic Masterpost

The Cleric's Birthright by Scribo_Vivere (Explicit, 34k)

Illustrated by yoyo-deano

Castiel Novak lost his husband and the love of his life, Balthazar, three years ago in a slaying no one has been able to solve. Burying himself in his work at the university as a leading anthropology professor there, he attempts to put the past behind him. When vicious murders begin to plague him in an eerie replication of Balthazar’s death, Castiel decides to find out on his own what sort of evil has descended upon them all. But the answers he’s looking for may not be so easily found, and the revelation forced upon him could destroy everything he knows - about himself, his world, and the faith he once held so dear. Complicating things is his new relationship with Dean Winchester, who may or may not be what he appears. Why is Castiel inexplicably drawn to him like a moth to the flame?

Archive Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death

Art Masterpost / Fic Masterpost

To Soar Without Grace by QuillsAndInk (Explicit)

Castiel is an alpha and a cleric serving the gods of his kingdom and wielding their power in preparation to join a holy war. When he gets taken by the heretical high prince of a rival kingdom, Castiel knows his fate is sealed. That is, until prince Dean tries to persuade him to take on a mad quest to kill his father and end the holy war. With heretical magic Castiel can’t understand forcing him away from the gods he’s always served, Castiel joins Dean. But in the mountain wilderness in the dead of winter with only his sworn enemy for company, can Dean and Castiel get past their differences or will the war swallow them up.

Archive Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence

Art Masterpost / Fic Masterpost

Cow Bells and Snow Globes by Pimento (Explicit)

It really doesn't matter what the gossip columns say. Dean knows the International Ski Champion Castiel Novak, aka, Casanova of the Slopes is actually just Cas. Loyal, kind, caring Cas. The same Cas he's absolutely not had a crush on since they were teenagers on the competitive circuit.

He's had two plus decade's practice at hiding his feelings, how difficult can it be to suppress them a little longer.

They just so happen to be in the same ski resort, at the same time for an entire season, so Dean is damn well gonna enjoy having his friend back in his life for a while and not screw it up. The fact that he seems to have the magic touch with the grumpy teenage daughter that Cas is trying so desperately to reconnect with is just an opportunity to ease his friends' troubles while he finds his feet again.

Art Masterpost / Fic Masterpost

#supernatural #Destiel #bottom!cas #top!dean #masterpost: 2019/2020 #BCBB

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doomedandstoned · 4 years ago

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10,000 Years Take Us Into The "Gargantuan Forest"

~Doomed & Stoned Debuts~

Review by Billy Goate

Album Art by Francesco Bauso

Leaving the world For salvation yonder Quest for eternity To suns beyond

Gazing upon our past Out into forever To a future obscured What glory awaits?

To begin another week of awesome original content at Doomed & Stoned, we're getting you better acquainted with the Swedish juggernaut 10,000 YEARS.

Last summer, the band dropped their eponymous debut to welcome ears and in just a few short weeks 10,000 Years come roaring back with a follow-up. Y'all know I'm a sucker for a good concept album. The eight-track full-length record 'II' (2021) picks up the trail of the Albatross research vessel, which has been galavanting 'cross the nether reaches of the galaxy on a potent rocket fuel made of sludgy stoner rock and doom metal.

If that sounds epic, wait'll you get a load of what's next for our interstellar crew. It helps if you picture the following text as a Star Wars-style screen crawl, slowly working its way up the page against the backdrop of a starry night.

After narrowly escaping the confines of the strange planet and its surrounding dimension, the Albatross and its crew finally return home to Earth. The re-entry is rough and the ship crashlands in a forest. The earth that greets them is vastly different from the one that they left.

When the ship travelled back to earth through the wormhole, it created a rift in the space-time continuum which propelled them far into the future, as well as allowing the Green King and other ancient gods from the other dimension to cross over to our dimension. They have since taken control of not only the earth, but the entire solar system.

After various harrowing experiences and encounters, the truth finally dawns on the surviving members of the crew. They are indeed back on earth, but ten thousand years in the future from when they started their journey. And to make matters worse, they find evidence that the Green King has been known and worshipped by secret cults and societies on earth for millenia, since before humankind even existed.

The surviving members of the crew come to the conclusion that the only way to set things right again is to repair the Albatross and take it back through the rift again in order to close it.

Now that's a saga I'm ready to get invested in. George Lucas, eat your heart out!

The record revs to a start with "Descent," a track that can best be described as terrific panic. It had me thinking of KOOK's "Escape Velocity" from their recent second album, though that's an eight-and-a-half minute slow burn and this is a quick twenty-six second fall from the sky. I wish this little notion had a chance to develop into something longer, but regardless what a thrilling way to open an album!

With rapt attention, I'm waiting to hear what comes next. The ship seems to have crash landed deep inside a "Gargantuan Forest." As an aside, it would be a blast to smoke a bowl o' something (anything, really) with Erik Palm (guitar), Alex Risberg (bass, vox), and Espen Karlsen (drums) just to gab it up a bit about sci-fi lit and horror flicks. I mean, check out the trove of B-movie greats referenced in their preface to the new single (which Doomed & Stoned is debuting today):

In this ABSURD (1981) video, 10,000 Years enter a FOREST OF FEAR (1980) as they access THE BEYOND (1981) and enter a BLOODBATH (1971) with THE BOOGEY MAN (1980), otherwise known as the Espbeast. The Espbeast stalks and haunts the bodies and minds of the characters in this C-grade homage to the horror movies of yesteryear.

The characters FIGHT FOR YOUR LIFE (1976) through insane NIGHTMARES IN A DAMAGED BRAIN (1981). If they survive the AXE (1974) they may still end up in an INFERNO (1980) and risk being EATEN ALIVE (1976). All the same risks face the viewer, so don’t watch with the lights out, don’t watch by yourself and DON’T GO IN THE WOODS ALONE (1981). Because after all, isn’t there an Espbeast in all of us?

10,000 Years have picked the ideal setting for the music video. The forests of Sweden stand tall and dark, the ground packed with snow. Screw you, Blair Witch Project -- this is where I want the next found footage flick filmed!

The song opens with a mysterious theme on solitary electric strings, surrounded by hazy reverberation. Drums and bass accent the motif as it's repeated several times over. Dazed by their graceless fall to earth, the crew wander about, checking one another for injuries, seeing if the faithful Albatross has even hope of another journey. As the shock begins to wear off, their hopeless plight reveals itself.

Screaming from the sky Blasting through the atmosphere

Come to rest On the forest floor Still alive What fresh new hell is this?

Surrounded by swamps A strange bleeding from the earth

Giant trees A dense horror taking root Same old sun Unfamiliar rays shine down

Is there something lurking about in the Gargantuan Forest? I'm sure no one wants to wait until nightfall to find out! The so-called "Espbeast" (which the band may actually have been first to name) is more than likely some strange amalgamation of guitar and creature, ripping through foes like a berserker of sound with scraps of High on Fire's "10,000 Years" echoing perversely through the treetops as it stalks and ultimately slays you. Nobody wants to be around when the Espbeast is on the prowl.

Now see, I'm letting my imagination get carried away! Then again, maybe that's what the band had planned all along -- for listeners to join in the fantastic adventures of these cosmonauts, to see through their eyes and feel through their body as they touch foot to strange soil. What will our adventurers find next?

The answer comes all too soon: "Spinosaurus!" This gruff beast charges angrily through the woods knocking things about, displacing rocks, snapping branches, royally pissed and ready to make somebody pay for the noise that snatched him away from a damned good nap. The repeated note riff, with its odd strumming pattern, does a nifty job of representing the crude movements of the Spinosaurus as it lumbers about the forest. Eric is a virtuosic mess of frantic tremeloes and wiry noodling against Espen's stampeding drums, as Alex narrates the scene with a terrifying shout:

Is this our earth? No time to dwell Dorsal sail cutting air Cretaceous ghost made flesh

Staring into Dead end eyes No place to hide Theropodic annihilation

Teeth into flesh!

What the crew is experiencing on their homeworld thus far seems foreign, almost ancient. Through some curse of Einstenian logic have we zipped through a wormhole only to return to the distant past? "The Mooseriders" are about to challenge our assumptions about what's possible on this Rock.

Thundering hooves crack the sky Dark robed wizards appear in the light Travellers in ether descending Protectors of the realm

These are the oath-bound eternals -- interdimensional templars, if you will -- who have arrived at this precise moment in time to take on the Green King. Complex rhythmic drumming with precisely stricken odd beats, is accompanied by a hyperactive bass and progressive metal riffmaking. Together, the band conjures the trot and hustle of the approaching entourage. A wilding guitar heralds a message from the great protectors:

The hour draws near The endgame is nigh Divine prophecy Even death may die

The mood now turns stately. A brave theme is introduced and developed with dashing prowess. This track would fit perfectly into a playlist with Mastodon, Ape Cave, and Zirakzigil. I found Alex's vocal approach especially appropriate for the frantic depiction of "antlers clashing with steel" in this battle to the finish. "Even death...may...DIE!"

"Angel Eyes" greet us on the B-side, and it's not a cover of the Jerry Cantrell song (though that would have been unexpectedly awesome). No, the hard-charging mood and raspy vocals are pointing to something far more apocalyptic.

Hooves of burning coal Let loose upon the world

Return of the warlord Eternal fire scorches the earth

Heavenly gaze Order through chaos

At times Alex seems exasperated, practically out of breath, as he gives these dire words his all. It's a style the 10,000 Years frontman owns as well as his counterpart, Simon Ohlsson of Vokonis, who has a comparable vocal attack. A bass-fortified guitar establishes a second theme that adds a Wagnarian touch of high drama, and this ushers in the song's curtain fall.

If 10,000 Years is to be compared with High On Fire at all, the rumbling riffstorm "March Of The Ancient Queen" surely merits it (to say nothing of their mutual love of alternative histories).

Her royal blood Once ruled these lands Generations Buried by time Dynasty of dust Rise from the sands Rise from the dead The Green King's servant

March!

March Of The Ancient Queen - Single by 10,000 Years

That last lyric is uttered with the most blood-curdling all-caps conviction that I was immediately drawn into its sentiment, miming "Maaaaarrrrrch!" with my ugliest war face on every time it came up in the song. The NWOBHM-style finish is so deftly executed that it comes across as orchestral. 10,000 Years paint with big, bold strokes here.

"Prehuman Walls" is a welcome shift down, with its chugging "Bury Me In Smoke" tempo. You sludge fiends will find moments of Zen here, with riffs that bend and twist and saw 'neath the summer sun. The crew have chanced upon a temple of sorts, though not one made with human hands. Nothing seems to make sense here at all. It's like Area X from the film Annihilation (2017), where everything is a contortion of reality. Then the "truth settles in." This alien monstrosity, we find, bears the mark of the sinister Green King. We thought we'd escaped him, only to find that he both followed us and was here millenia before.

Unholy worship Feed the Green King Eyes pried open Sanity stripped away

At last, we reach the final track in our journey: "Dark Side Of The Earth". So many revelations have been made in this second chapter, so many loose ends that need to be tied off. Naturally, a third chapter must be written. "We must go back, set it right," deliberates an exasperated Albatross crew. "We must go back, whence we came."

Dimension walls broken down The fabric ripped and torn apart Thread the needle once again A journey of ten thousand years

We must go back, set it right We must go back, through the tears

Insanity the only way The dark side of the earth

Following these words, the song develops instrumentally and the mood gets quite emotional. I found myself drawing parallels between this "bastard version of earth" and our own, wondering if we ever can go back and make it right. For us, perhaps it should be about moving forward, for there is no golden age or better time to which we can return. We make this world a heaven or hell tomorrow by the choices made today.

The album was recorded by Tomas Skogsberg at Studio Sunlight. Totally diggin the awesomely swamp landscape that Francesco Bauso of Negative Crypt Artwork created. It reminds the five-year old me of Luke's sopping wet landing on Dagobah, though guitarist Alex Risberg says the band's more inspired by Planet of the Apes than by Star Wars.

The album will be released on June 25th as a special vinyl "Green King Edition" by Interstellar Smoke Records pre-order here), a cassette tape "Forest Edition" from Ogo Rekords (pre-order here) and "Swamp Edition" from Olde Magick Records pre-order here), with the digital and compact disc formats handled by Death Valley Records (pre-order here).

10,0000 Years have in II their most accomplished album to date, with powerful moments that will stay with you long after the record's stopped spinning. Fans of High On Fire, Black Tusk, and The Sword listen up! You might just discover your next favorite band.

Give ear...

10,000 Years - Gargantuan Forest (Music Video)

Some Buzz

Having previously played together in the original lineup of Swedish underground heavyweights Pike, Erik Palm (Guitars) and Alex Risberg (Bass/vocals) found their way back to each other, musically, in early 2020. The creative fire reignited and stoked to a burning inferno and through a mutual love of heavy riffs and thundering stoner rock, doom, and sludge metal, 10,000 Years was born. Finding a drummer would prove to be an easy task and with Espen Karlsen the final piece lay firmly in place. The groove they fell into during the first rehearsal hasn’t stopped rumbling since.

After spending the first-half of 2020 writing and rehearsing, 10,000 Years recorded their self-titled debut EP during one weekend in June in the legendary Studio Sunlight with equally legendary producer Tomas Skogsberg. The self-titled EP was released on July 10th and immediately struck a chord with the heavy underground worldwide, and 10,000 Years garnered rave reviews and accolades.

10,000 Years by 10,000 Years

10,000 Years' musical and lyrical world revolves around the tale of the terran class III exploration vessel Albatross and its mission to explore the Milky Way and nearby galaxies in search for a possible new home for humanity. The EP tells the tale of its first foray into space and what happens when the crew accidentally travel through a wormhole and end up in an adjacent dimension populated by ancient gods and giant beings, ruled by the Green King. The EP ends with “From Suns Beyond,” where the crew make it off from the strange planet, back out into space in search of a way back home. The new album picks up the story as the Albatross blasts through the atmosphere of a seemingly unknown planet and crashlands headfirst into strange new adventures.

II by 10,000 Years

Now, less than a year after their first release, 10,000 Years are back with their first full-length effort, aptly titled 'II' (2021). Picking up right where the EP left off, II continues the story of the ill-fated Albatross mission and its exploration of time and space through a skull-crushing mixture of stoner rock, doom, and sludge metal. The album will no doubt continue to build on 10,000 Years' already golden reputation and prove to be an even bigger hit with the heavy masses.

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#D&S Debuts #10000 Years #Västerås #Sweden #doom metal #sludge #heavy metal #sci-fi #horror #music video #Interstellar Smoke Records #Death Valley Records #Ogo Rekords #Olde Magick Records #Doomed and Stoned

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dent-de-leon · 6 years ago

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Hi Leo. Vanitas ask. D'you think Noel killing V plays into 'can't die otherwise/last resort/only solution' sort of thing? Cursed blue moon and all. Also, "I will save vampires regardless of what they want" seems very 'desperate heroics'. There's a lot of buried history in the story, no? Tbh read only ch1 but wow, do many questions. Thanks! Be well.

Aw thank you, I hope you’re well too!! Ohhh this is really good I love thinking about this and it’s been on my mind since the concept was introduced in chapter one!! I think it’s probably the biggest mystery of the series and the one that’s going to haunt all of us until the very end, but we can absolutely speculate.

I’ll try to be as vague as possible without spoiling too much lmao, but early on you find out Noe is very much still petrified over the fact that he wasn’t able to mercy kill his childhood friend, despite how much they were begging him to. He just couldn’t do it. It’s a failure that haunts Noe and provides the backdrop for a lot of his sensitivity and emotionally invested concern in the wellbeing of others.

Again, for Noe, this is seen as an obstacle he was never able to overcome. So, if Vanitas is going to end up being the person he’s closest to now, then it’s fitting that their arc will lead to a similar end–only this time, he’s able to actually go through with it. That way, if Vanitas absolutely has to die, Noe can at least give him the comfort of a death at “his own hands”–something his other friend never got.

And then you have Vanitas, who is just this incredibly enigmatic and intriguing character shrouded in mystery. One of the things that really gets me about him is that he both 1) has a self professed “hatred” for those that are too “weak” and willing to compromise their own life for the safety of others. Consequently, his own will to live is also incredibly strong, and he’s absolutely against throwing away his own life for the sake of others. And 2) he really hates seeing other people so readily throw themselves in harm’s way to protect him.

So like, Vanitas has this incredibly strong self-preservation instinct, but he also can’t bear to see others get hurt trying to protect him. Obviously, these two things are sometimes mutually exclusive, so it’s really interesting to see the kind of conflict that stems from it.

Like, one minute you’ll have Vanitas yelling that Noe needs to be less soft, just learn to use others for his own gain, going on about how he refuses to get pulled into Noe’s antics and killed for his sake, ect. And the next, he’s yelling at Noe for protecting him and putting himself in danger. It makes poor Noe’s head hurt, lmao, and raises some really interesting questions about Vanitas as a character.

Inevitably, I think he’ll have to choose a side. And it’s very possible he might have to compromise the belief that he can’t just throw his own life away. And realize that, maybe there are some people out there that are worth that. This would be especially heartbreaking, because at times, it seems all Vanitas really wants is to live. Through Noe’s insight and conjecture, we constantly see glimpses of that. Noe strongly believes that Vanitas is so adamant about saving every vampire because he wishes, more than anything, that someone would be there to save him. It’s very poignant.

There’s also this really fascinating ongoing question between Noe and Vanitas as to what the nature of “salvation” truly is. Noe knows that Vanitas wants it–both for every vampire and himself–but again, it’s this elusive state of being. Sometimes, you’re too late to preserve a cursed vampire’s life, so what do you do then? Sometimes, Noe strongly disagrees with the moral angle of Vanitas’ methods for “saving” others.

Noe wanted more than anything to save someone that was already doomed at one point in his life. And with Vanitas, we might well see a repeat of that. So what really constitutes salvation? How do you save people that you already know cannot be saved? It’s a loaded question. And at the end of the day, I think it’s very likely that Noe killing Vanitas might just be the best “salvation” he can offer him.

#vanitas no carte #catch me eternally crying over the relationship between the good vampire and vampire doc

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stitches-for-solo · 6 years ago

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I Dunno About This One...

Sorry for the wall of text. This is why I need to figure out how to put in a “Keep Reading” cut.

I feel like I slept all day. Probably because essentially, I did. I’m sliding further and further back down the hole I threw myself into a long time ago, and am watching the progress I’ve made since the almost dying incident vanish before my eyes. I know fucking well enough that I’m responsible for my own actions, but little things here and there only give me a tiny bump of positivity, motivation, and energy, if anything at all. (I keep thinking of the minute payback of doing something small, like getting dressed, like taking a little bump of coke off a key, which, to be clear, I’ve never done.) To be frank, considering my mindset and the effort little things can take when you aren’t well, some days, it’s not worth it. Almost instantly, my dysfunctional brain gobbles it all up as fast as it can. Like... [insert creative comparison here, akin to a starved man who’s just been served a 5-course meal, but, y’know, creative]. In theory, if I could take all the little bits of brightness I can manage to churn out and hoard them all in one big pile, ingesting them at the appropriate time, satiating my chemical receptors, and then letting them rest, regulating the process, I would. (Depression for Dummies?) Just like my problems with alcohol and drugs, my brain is a fiend for serotonin, that instant gratification, and there’s nothing I can do about it, or any deficiencies of other neurotransmitters (dopamine, norepinephrine) I probably have. (And man is it sloppy up there in my head, which is appropriate, since I’m the epitome of messy. Unorganized. Shit is everywhere, yet I know where everything is. Yeah, I’m one of those... but it’s not dirty — don’t ever call me dirty. It’s simply a disaster to the untrained eye. I’ve actually read articles linking neglecting to clean with depression, but I’m not sure where or how credible any of the research was. It makes no difference — either way, I’m not the best at keeping areas tidy. I keep going off topic...)

Anyway, I’m really in no condition to do anything drastic that would potentially yield a more substantial “reward”. Everyone tells me to just try. Try the little things, and you’ll adjust, and before you know it, you’ll be ready for more significant things. But good things are just that — good. They aren’t fixes and they aren’t cures. And I’m not using the previous sentence as an excuse to lay down and give up. I’m just being realistic. I know too much about my own problems, thanks to my higher education. I know too much and my peers/family know too little. There’s gotta be a balance between the right actions/effort and the right medication(s), and none of that is happening for me. There’s not a whole lot I can do about my medications, besides take them. It’s apathy that’s the fucking bitch. Why did I sleep till 3pm and not get out of bed until 5pm? Because I didn’t care, you can’t make me care, and I certainly can’t make myself care. (Also, I stayed up all night and it was really cold in my house so I didn’t want to get out from under the blankets...)

Now consider this — it would be one thing if that’s all that I was dealing with. But that’s just a portion of it, and I don’t even know what is wrong with me anymore. Sometimes I wonder if I’m just weak and make bad decisions, then blame said bad decisions on my weak resolve to even try to do the right thing. Maybe I’m just overly sensitive and I am content with wallowing in my own self-inflicted misery. After all, I get to be the laziest, most spoiled bitch I know, sometimes. Big emphasis on sometimes. But then something inevitably happens, and that sick fantasy is shattered over and over again and I have to face facts — it’s not just my personality. I think it’s normal for me to sorta gravitate towards strange things and (trying to choose my words wisely here) unique people. But unless everyone I know is hiding things from me, I sure do feel like a dysfunctional fool a lot of the time when I try to explain certain thoughts or feelings or physical responses that I have to various stimuli. I don’t mind being different. I don’t think there is anything wrong with being drawn to the macabre and unusual things. I enjoy horror movies/books and crime shows, and like researching things like diseases, old torture practices, serial killers, and the crazy shit you can supposedly find on the dark web. And yeah, I’ll cheer for the bad guy. (Kylo 🖤) None of that makes me disturbed or ill. I like normal things, too, like cats, space, sports, game shows, and the Food Network. And music is sometimes my salvation. It’s my thoughts & actions that bother me. I was driving last night and I had a pretty pathetic thought: I don’t have a mental illness; I’m mentally ill. 😶

It probably sounds ridiculous and that I’m dramatic, lazy, not trying, overreacting, making excuses, annoying or even infuriating, but I don’t share everything that goes on upstairs with just anyone. I’ve been places, and I do not want to go back. I will not go back. So I keep my mouth shut. It tends to get me no where good or anywhere fast. Which is fine; I think it’s throwing a wrench in my doctor’s attempt to properly treat me, but if I was completely open and honest, I don’t really know what would transpire and where I’d end up. And in terms of friends/family, I firmly believe it drives people away. I see it. I’m not stupid. People abandon me. They tell me I deserve better, but they don’t give me better. Maybe they just want someone else to do it. They want to know it’s happening, but don’t want to/ can’t put the effort in themselves. I know I’m not verbally or emotionally abused or mistreated, and I think I tend to treat people as they do me. I don’t yell at people unprovoked. (There are exceptions, one of which I have written about above.) I don’t attack my friends and then try to make them feel guilty about it. Sometimes I get frustrated when I get sent pictures of someone’s (boyfriend’s) brand new house for the 6th time and I have to be all excited for them, meanwhile I’m living in my little sister’s old room. Yep, I had to move back in with my parents because I got too sick to be alone and had no where else to go. My mother wouldn’t even give me my old room back. And equally as frustrating is when I have to hear for the 15th time “I put my hand in the cage, and it bit me again. This time I’m bleeding. I know something isn’t right and it has to change..” But then, it’s right back to the same. And I get it. I’ve been there. My ex ripped my heart to shreads, and not just once. And I just kept letting him hurt me, because I believed that somehow, if I just kept trying, if I just kept changing, if I just let all the shitty parts run their course(s), in the end, it would be worth it. Was it? Of course not!

It’s fucking frustrating when someone you care about is being mistreated. In fact, it blows my mind what some people will put up with, but again, I understand, because I did it, too. I think it’s a lesson everyone has to learn for themselves at their own pace and on their own time. These things aren’t teachable. And I know it’s selfish, but sometimes I get a little irritated that I end up so far down on a friend’s list of priorities when I’m only trying to help, and I feel like I could use some help, too. There’s other contributing factors and every situation is unique, of course. But when I’m just trying to be genuine and caring, even if it does come off as harsh, that sucks. But it’s life. It just makes me feel like I’m believing a heaping pile of bs, which does upset me. I’m not egotistical. I don’t need to be #1. But there’s a big difference between not being #1 and being put off to the side so the friend in question can go spend time with the someone else who treats them like absolute shit. (I need to expand on this, because it’s misleading, and I don’t believe an explanation will fit in this post. I’ve also moved things around so much, I feel like it’s not flowing properly, so I’ll be making an additional entry — in a little while. So wait before you judge or assume anything.) But I’m also not stupid. I say that a lot, but my actions must betray my words. Somehow I must be giving off the vibe that I’m an idiot. It’s painful, especially when I want to give more of myself to someone.. invest more time, energy, support, all those things, into the friendship, but the feeling isn’t mutual. I wonder what people think of me. “I don’t want anything to do with her, but she’s fucking insane so I’m afraid she might come after me or hurt herself...” I mean, I am crazy, am I not? So why wouldn’t someone think that? Especially when I’ve heard the same words come out of their mouth before, but about someone else. And I’m not just talking about one or two people here. This seems to be an ongoing theme, and the common factor is me. When I was going through rough times with my ex, I think that’s when the alienation from some of my friends started. I guess they could only take so much, and everyone has a limit, but I also think the person being hurt sees things very differently than those on the outside. I can’t do much, y’know? So I try to give advice or help, but I think I need to learn to back off. I’m scared I’m destroying the relationships with the few people I have left in my life. Sometimes I already feel a shift. Hell, I know things are different. I don’t want to lose everything I have left with my handful of friends, but I am not the type of person who can take unhappiness and paranoia and anything else negative and just squash it and keep quiet. I have to let things out, or they grow until they reach monstrous proportions and I completely lose control. As annoying as it is, I have to ask family and friends “is everything okay?” “Did I do something wrong?” “Are you mad at me?” and eventually it escalates to “What the hell did I do?” “Why are you ignoring me?” etc.. Christ, I must be fun to know.

I was kind of writing before about things that make me feel happy. Having friends made me happy, and I try, but it seems that beyond talking online, no one wants to take me up on any offers anymore. I think I burned all my bridges and trying to start all over is challenging at my age when most people have careers and families. I don’t fit in anymore, and honestly, I have a suspicion that potential dating partners my age are still single because they’re not interested in settling down. I feel like I’m going to end up alone. This wasn’t how things were supposed to be. Life was supposed to be so much more fulfilling and just a pleasure to live. I know everyone goes through rough patches, and I absolutely hate talking like this, but I know I was expected to be so much more than this. It wasn’t me who was pegged as the one who would make such a fucking mess out of everything. I’m in a position where putting myself out there for rejection is a bad, very bad idea. It’s damaging. But so is being alone/surrounded by people who you don’t get along with. I’m stuck; I don’t know what to do, where to turn, and who really cares. One more note about friends.. Or who I refer to as my friends. I write about them in here, and they don’t even know this blog exists. No one really checks up on me, and I know that could be for lots of reasons. I don’t tend to reach out anymore either, but it’s because I don’t really have anything to offer. One of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do was to accept that my old best friend didn’t consider me his best friend anymore. I guess it’s been a while now, and I’m okay with just calling him a “friend” or by his name. But it was tough. I was so broken down about my breakup that I completely fell apart, and he really just abandoned me. I’d see all the pictures he would post on Facebook.. out hanging out with his “BFF”, all smiles and having fun while I’d stayed in bed and cried all day with no one left to go to for comfort or company. I felt so disgusting, needy, weak, insignificant, hopeless.. all this after I let him borrow a substantial amount of money because he had moved 1500 miles away and needed financial help getting home because he had decided he didn’t want to be there anymore. I was so desperate and distraught that I let him borrow.. a lot of money. And that was what I was met with when he got back. I was still alone, he never wanted to hang out because I was always so down, and I haven’t seen a dime of my money. I could go on... but I won’t. Lesson learned.

I think there’s some parts here that don’t make sense. I was copying and pasting and moving stuff around and adding/deleting things, and it’s almost 7am. I might work on this later after I get some sleep. Or I might decide it’s a waste of time cause no one reads my rants anyway. Obviously I didn’t mean to offend anyone, and I mean no ill will towards anyone I know. Like I said, there are some things I just have to get off my chest.

#Mental Health #Depression #Friends #Friendships #Rambling Rant #Lonely #Alone #Expanded Above

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kenrik · 7 years ago

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You know... I ship RM but I still hate Mikasa.

Outside my RivaMika headcanon, I’m still pretty pissed at Mikasa’s poor character development.

To illustrate, canon EreMika.

No hate, seriously, because my first ship was EreMika, but the reason I moved on was how horrible EreMika was depicted in the manga/anime for both Eren and Mikasa. So far, what’s been shown is an insensitive Eren who is naive to her feelings and a Mikasa who is but a shell of an individual, no character growth, no own motivations, selfish, quick to jealousy, nothing redeemable really. In the manga, she’s the same - everything she’ll be doing is for Eren. It’s as if she’s just an empty vessel of an individual. The rave about Mikasa’s character stems from her perfection - the best fighter and uber beautiful. But - sadly, there is nothing more to her. It is seldom that her shortcomings are addressed because of her skill, which is why, as a kid who doesn’t herself understand the makings of character, she doesn’t grow. Eren is constantly pointed as weak. Armin, a coward. That’s why compared to Mikasa, they’ve reached the sky in their development.

The only time she grew was when she was separated from Eren. She was forced to work/cooperate/participate legitimately with her fellow cadets, forced to understand Levi’s motivations. She sees that there is something greater than Eren, there is that greater horizon beyond the silhouette that is Eren - humanity’s salvation.

And, I think, the reason why Eren was never sold on Mikasa, why amid her perfection - how she’s a true beauty, how she’s the best fighter (Remember how Jean is dumbfounded by Mikasa’s attachment to Eren and Eren’s aloofness over it?) - he was never attracted to her, was because - unlike those he looks up to - Levi, Annie, the Survey Corps - Mikasa stands for nothing. She fights for nothing. She is but a shell, a weapon, an instrument for battle, a true Ackerman. (The poster woman for the 1960s man *barf* - the being a shell, living for her husband’s every whim *barffff*) Eren, who values vision, determination, salvation, more than anything, sees none of those in Mikasa. So, why should a person as driven as he, be attracted to someone without motivation, someone who doesn’t even seem to try searching for that.

Example of EreMika dynamics in the manga to real life: I don’t know if you have one, but Mikasa is just like that friend who’s always around and you know that you’re friends by title since there’s nothing bad about that person enough not to be friends with them and you happen to be in a lot of mutual circles - but you don’t really care about them because they’re uninteresting to you. For example, the teacher tells you to group yourselves by friends - and you go thinking - fuck not [person] again.

Seriously, I have a super close friend like that who I always hang with. I love that person because you know, that bitch be my friend and shit - but fck do we have nothing to talk about. Or rather, that person has no input, no heart for what matters to me - politics/society/country/whatever. So, I don’t really care for said person. But said person is smart and all that shit. To clarify, I’m not saying my friend is like Mikasa, I’m talking about the dynamics between myself and my friend compared to EreMika.

That’s basically EreMika to me. LOL. Perfect Mikasa who means well by caring for Eren. But shit, if I was Eren, and that was my friend, I would so totally act the way Eren does around Mikasa. (I even did.) I understand Eren’s frustration towards Mikasa. He has so much to fight for yet no ability (he’s just lucky he got to be the Attack Titan). Yet, here is Mikasa, around him all his life, perfect as fuck - but does nothing. It’s so frustrating! (For Eren - and me - to meet people like this).

For EreMika to sail, Mikasa will have to find that motivation, that more legitimate purpose for living - other than being Eren’s unwanted bodyguard/nanny. Because this is what Eren responds to, this is what is important to him. But that’s not easy because it could very well not be her passion.

Women are not created to be man’s support. And I believe Isayama, as he’s shown us so far, will give Mikasa the development she deserves; as is already in motion. I could really see Eren falling for a more mature, independent Mikasa. But, the question is, with this independence, will Mikasa still hold her attachment to Eren. (I say attachment because I’m not sold entirely that it’s attraction she feels for him.) The tenderness and love she has for Eren will keep their relationship afloat though.

Mikasa acts the way she is towards Eren and Armin because she’s lost her family. And I think her mindset is - like hell will she lose them now. But that goal is petty, shallow. Her fears of them dying is unnecessary and counterproductive. Because dammit - they’re in war. She has to put her motivations towards more helpful outlets...

Just a cautionary note about Mikasa. Because her character was never really redeemed. Still, I love her all the same cause she’s was a kid then who started eating her vegetables.

The RM part of this character rant. Levi is the first person to treat Mikasa like a kid. Everyone is usually thrown off by her perfection that they don’t see the rotten core underneath all the sugar. He’s the first one who told her off. He genuinely listens to her input. (Eren never does because Eren never really cares for her insight - remember the dynamics just mentioned above.) It is through Levi’s guidance that Mikasa is given room for growth. His partiality towards her could even be said to be filial. The trust that is built between them (which then paves the way for her trusting others) is just what Mikasa needs to let go of those she fears losing.

(I know I ship RM - but its their dynamics I like.) With regard to the status of their relationship - it could very well be that they’re legitimate family - like Uncle/Niece relationship - or romantic, granted the distance of their line. You know how there are like a million headcanons? RM could be anything so shut your trap. When you imagine a pair anyway - you create a universe mutually exclusive to the others - so really - when you say you ship a pair - it’s because you like their relationship dynamics. It’s not instantly because you want them to end up together romantically and have kinky porno sex... :/ Even I don’t care for that shit.

So, open. Your. Breynnnn.

Anyway, so, thanks to Levi’s leadership, Mikasa’s able to explore her abilities, motivations, heritage. No matter how lightly it was touched on, this did happen. And I’m happy for her.

The time skip PLUS the perspective shift is a bitch because it’s difficult investing time into characters who the fuck you have no clue about anymore.

So you know.

Whatever.

Cheers.

#kenrik rambles #mikasa #ackerman #character development #eremika #rivamika #levi ackerman #levi #eren jaeger #yaeger #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #snk #aot #rant #anti eremika #anti #anti rivamika

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daily-yoificrec · 7 years ago

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6/11/17 recs

1. Where the Cliff Greets the Sea by RobotSquid || Rated M, 6.5k (WIP)

For years, Victor and his crew of pirates have been the bane of the coast, unmatched and elusive. With little left to satisfy him, he visits the small seaside town of Hasetsu, drawn by its simple charms.

Yuuri lives a quiet life sewing and tailoring dresses with the unattainable dream of designing gowns of his own.

Victor sees him working through the window of the dress shop, and decides to stay.

A pirate!Victor and dressmaker!Yuuri AU.

Comment: A fic that’s proven really promising just from the first chapter! The author’s done well in characterizing Yuuri’s personality as shaped by this AU already, and it looks to be shaping up to be cute with some drama. Something to keep an eye on, definitely.

2. Driving Mr. Katsuki by CullinanKatsudon || Rated M, 13k (WIP)

Yuuri Katsuki gets into Victor Nikiforov's car, mistaking it for his Uber ride...and Victor doesn't correct him.

Comment: Oh my god this au and this fic are ridiculous but holy hell, the author has me fuckin invested as yell. I’ve laughed and pitied Yuuri and facepalmed at Victor and this fic is just a ride. Super duper fucking recommend, it’s hilarious and brilliant and I just. I laughed so hard.

3. Ocean Eyes by Jellyfish_Tacos || Rated T, 15.7k (WIP)

Prince Yuri had a curse placed on him when he was a baby. When he grows up, a wish intended to fix the curse goes awry, making the problem even worse. Eligible princesses come from far and wide to try and offer a solution in hopes of winning the prince's hand, but nothing works. Besides, Yuri only has eyes for the mysterious stranger that visits the royal gardens every night.

Comment: Normally I don’t read Otayuri but this one snagged me. Very fairytale-esque, complete with a conniving mother and fairies and curses. Also cute, with a dash of sads due to Yuri’s situation. I’m rooting for their happy ending.

4. Waiting For Euphoria by sazzykins || Rated M, 30.8k (WIP)

Yuuri Katsuki and his flatmate Phichit Chulanont are broke ex-students who are facing the retail hell of the holidays while trying to break into the competitive arenas of entertainment. After a mistake with a Wanted advert, Yuuri ends up auditioning for a style of dance that is most certainly not ballet and as it turns out...he's kinda good at it! However, trying to keep his night-work separate from the rest of his life becomes a damn near impossible task when the Mr. Perfect who comes to his store regularly starts showing up at the club and seems to take a shine to his stage persona!

Comment: Double identity shenanigans + burlesque au + mutual pining =

5. 'Til I Tear the Walls, 'Til I Save Your Heart by ken_ichijouji (dommific) || Rated E, 9.4k (WIP)

O I forbid you, masters a', That wear gowd on your hair, To come or gae by Katsuki hall, For young Tam Lin is there.

A chance encounter with a mysterious, beautiful man gives Katsuki Yuuri far more than he bargained for. There's only one way for them to find salvation---an act of love and bravery on Samhain.

If Yuuri doesn't succeed, then he and his beloved are doomed.

(A Yuri! On Ice Ballad of Tam Lin AU.)

Comment: Ohohohooooh boy. Off to an interesting beginning (ngl I’m not entirely familiar with Tam Lin so I’m going in kinda blind) but this shit is hype.

（。＞ω＜）。

#yuri on ice #yoi #fic rec #fanfiction #victuuri #otayuri

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howwelldoyouknowyourmoon · 8 years ago

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Fun with Numbers

I was an auditor when I was a bit younger and participated in the audit of HSA-UWC. In financial accounting, an audit is an independent assessment of the fairness by which a company’s (or church’s, in this case) financial statements are presented. The auditor examines the entity’s books and procedures. Thus, I saw church accounts first hand. That audit helped solidify my view that, far from being messianic, the Moons weren’t even good people.

To understand why I say that I have to explain one thing first. I have to explain money.

I’ve asked a lot of people what they think money is and typically receive hardcoded responses like “Why, it’s the root of all eeeevil!”

Maybe. Certainly a lot of naughtiness has been done in its pursuit.

But, fundamentally I think money is something simpler – a representation of ones past work or labor. Whatever dollars one has are the amalgamation of the effort one has put into accumulating those dollars. If those dollars were given to a person, then they are the sum of someone else’s work that the lucky recipient inherited. But make no mistake; someone at some point worked to generate those dollars. The value of that work may vary from one person to the next, but there is always work. Money is work.

A lot of people miss this distinction. And missing it is what can result in abuses when one is responsible for large pools of other people’s money. Bad people willfully miss the distinction or ignore it, treating the money as if it were their own.

We hear many of those stories in the press these days; stories of bad people doing bad things, wasting, abusing or stealing money. But I’m going to submit something that might shock you. Most people when given the chance don’t abuse or steal money. Most people are, in fact, good at heart and conscious of money’s origins and, thus, make choices reflecting that.

Shops like Whole Foods or American Apparel have grown because those stores sell products ethically farmed or manufactured without sweatshop labor. I don’t vouch for the validity of those claims, but am pointing out that that people are making what they think are ethical choices with their money, even if it costs more to do so. Why? They are trying to be good people. They give a shit and want to do the right thing.

Consider this: few people know this, but a common problem among mutual fund managers is a reluctance to take big risks with client money when investing. They tend to be timid with the money of others, avoiding risks they would take with their own money, and ironically tend to underperform investment indexes as a result. The reason they do so is that despite Wall Street’s reputation for meager ethics, most managers don’t want to lose people’s money. And it actually has nothing to do with liability or fear of reprisal, studies show. It is a deep seeded psychological disposition. Normal people don’t like doing harm to others and are not willfully ignorant of the circumstances of others. Normal people aren’t Bernard Madoff. They don’t want to abuse their power either as consumers or as managers, and generally want to do the right thing.

So what does that say about someone who doesn’t display any such sensitivity? What does it say about someone who abuses money of others, or doesn’t consider its origin?

As I was doing the audit, examining pile after pile of church receipts, I thought a lot about how much the average fundraising member might earn. I remembered from my childhood in church centers that the better fundraisers would make up to $500 per day selling trinkets or flowers. Subtracting the cost of the product and expenses like fuel and food (lodging not included as many slept in vans), I suspect a decent fundraiser probably earned about $250 per day. Assuming a 10 hour day (they worked a lot harder than that, I know), that got me to roughly $25 per hour.

So, assuming my numbers were right (I personally think they were way too high, and that the average member earned less) it would take about 200 hours, or 20 days of fundraising (almost a full month!), to generate $5,000 of income that could go back to funding church activities.

Why $5,000?

Well because that was the cost for one night of hotel lodging for Dr. Rev. Hak Ja Han during her speaking tour in the mid 90’s. I remember another bill was as high at $7,200. Again, this was for only one night’s stay, and only for her, not her entourage.

Fortunately, UC members are an energetic bunch glad to give up their time and money for the betterment of the messiah. However, as I looked over these bills I couldn’t help but wonder if the membership would be quite as energetic or happy had they known that almost a full month’s worth of going up to strangers peddling foil prints or moncheechees was being spent on one night’s stay in the presidential suite of some overpriced hotel. Keep in mind, I was doing the church audit, not an audit of a Moon business group like UCI. This was church money being spent.

That tour was 20 cities.

Flights were also unbelievably expensive. Dr. Rev. Hak Ja Han flew first class, of course. I saw one fare that was $10,400. I couldn’t believe it. I was pretty young at the time and had no idea someone could spend that much money getting from one place to the next. That was more than one third of my pre-tax annual income at the time! And the irony was that I had literally just flown the exact same route a short while before, but for $325.

Why wouldn’t they have tried to find a cheaper flight, I asked myself? Was business class not an option? Who even flies first class anyway, other than Arab royalty or the families of emerging market dictators? Could “true mother” be that insensitive? Does the members’ work not matter to her at all? Again, I was stupefied.

Then I went through the phone records from the trip. $900 for one call. What?! How is that possible? It turns out that “father” listened to every single speech and then commented afterwards. The calls would go on for up to four hours, regardless of the location or cost. This particular call was to Russia, where the per-minute cost was just under $4.00 at the time.

After the audit I spent a lot of time thinking about the Moon’s spending largess. I kept trying to reconcile church utopian tenets of a global family with the reality of what was essentially two feudal tiers with a vast gulf in between. One tier labored to make the money while the other spent it, offering only platitudes and promises of spiritual salvation in return.

I guess I wasn’t entirely shocked. I had grown up in the East Garden area and already seen first hand what the Moon’s definition of “global family” was. I already knew that Dr. Rev. Hak Ja Han’s daily routine consisted mostly of waddling through expensive shopping malls and spending church money. And it was quite apparent when the Moon children would do their annual charitable wardrobe giveaways (presumably to make room for the next year’s fashions) that what they wore and what troglodytes like me could afford were worlds apart. I had never heard of Prada before that. Their house had a bowling alley. Ours didn’t even have an alley…or a house!

So, again, what can be said about someone who displays no sensitivity at all to the work of others? Can it be said they should be revered or emulated? Can it even be said that they are good people?

No, dear reader, it can not. It can be said the person is bad. Bad like the people you hear about in press stories, like Imelda Marcos with her extravagant homes and 2,700 pairs of shoes while her husband reigned over one of the world’s poorest nations. Or like Marie Antoinette, whose famous response when learning that her French subjects were starving for lack of bread was, “why don’t they eat cake?” (Many have translated the quote as “let them eat cake” – that translation misses the meaning. She was completely and willfully oblivious to the conditions of her people. If she couldn’t have bread, she would have cake since it was always available in the castle. She didn’t understand why her people couldn’t do the same).

No, people like that are worse than those conscientious enough to make simple ethical choices about how they consume goods, and worse even than the average Wall Street money manager referenced above. People who make conscientious choices are people who care about others. Dr. Rev. Hak Ja Han was not one of those people.

Having grown up around them, I can confirm that when the Moons wanted something, it was there. Thus, they learned to take and only to take. They learned to brow beat, insult, demean and ultimately to physically intimidate those around them. But they never learned to give and never learned basic empathy for those that provided them all their untold wealth.

One last point: one of the first people I ever worked for had been fired from a previous job three years before I met him. He was fired for physically assaulting an obnoxious rich woman at a cocktail party. Unfortunately, that woman happened to be wife to the president of the company’s Asian division. As he tells the story, he was visiting the Singapore office from New York and was introduced to the pair when they arrived at the party. The woman was wearing a coat made from fur of a snow leopard, an almost extinct species. He asked her if she knew that the animal was endangered and she answered gleefully, “Oh yes. They are almost extinct! That’s why I bought two coats instead of one.” Three men had to hold him down or he would have killed her on the spot.

I love that story. It reminds me that there are good people out there from all walks of life willing to do good things and not just take crap. That man subsequently went on to have a very successful Wall Street career.

Until next time,

MLP

#MLP #Hak Ja Han #Sun Myung Moon

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wesleyhill · 8 years ago

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“Judgment Received”

a sermon from Romans 8, preached at the Cathedral Church of the Advent, Birmingham, Alabama on March 22, 2017

One of my favorite scenes from church history comes from the Baptist preacher John Bunyan, who wrote Pilgrim’s Progress. In his autobiography, titled Grace Abounding to the Chief of Sinners, Bunyan describes the moment when the truth of his justification in Christ “came home” to him, so to speak. Listen to how he puts it:

One day as I was passing into the field . . . this sentence fell upon my soul. Thy righteousness is in heaven. And methought, withal, I saw with the eyes of my soul Jesus Christ at God's right hand; there, I say, was my righteousness; so that wherever I was, or whatever I was doing, God could not say of me, he wants my righteousness, for that was just before him. I also saw, moreover, that it was not my good frame of heart that made my righteousness better, nor yet my bad frame that made my righteousness worse, for my righteousness was Jesus Christ himself, “The same yesterday, today and, and forever” (Hebrews 13:8). Now did my chains fall off my legs indeed. I was loosed from my afflictions and irons; my temptations also fled away; so that from that time those dreadful scriptures of God left off to trouble me; now went I also home rejoicing for the grace and love of God.

What Bunyan is narrating here is the third “step,” if you like, in Paul’s letter to the Romans. On Monday, I talked about the first step: God’s future judgment is announced or predicted. Yesterday I talked about the second step: God’s future judgment has already been enacted in the present through the sacrificial death of Christ. And today I want to talk about the third step: how God’s judgment is received, through the work of the Spirit of Christ, in our lives in the here and now. That’s what Bunyan is describing: how God’s judgment that was awaited in Israel’s hopes and was decisively enacted in the cross of Christ works its way into people’s hearts and lives and becomes existentially gripping, you might say; how the proclamation of the gospel becomes possession of the gospel. Bunyan is saying, I know God predicted his righteousness in the past, and he secured it through Jesus’ death in the first century, but now I feel that it’s become my own reality; its truth has finally landed in my heart and in my gut where I know that I know it. How does that third step happen, and what does it look like?

Very famously, at the beginning of the greatest chapter in Romans, chapter 8, Paul writes this: “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” What Paul is describing here is not the prediction of judgment. He’s not even describing the achievement of judgment, which happened around AD 30 on a hill outside the walls of Jerusalem. What Paul is putting his finger on here is what the Reformed theologian John Murray talks about as the application of redemption: that moment when the accomplished verdict of God’s judgment becomes my own — when it’s taken into the soul and begins to transform the way we think and feel and live. This happens, Paul says, through the action of God’s Spirit: “For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death” (8:2). As he says in one of his other letters, “[O]ur message of the gospel [comes] to you not in word only, but also in power and in the Holy Spirit and with full conviction” (1 Thessalonians 1:5).

But let’s get a bit more concrete. What does it look like, in practice, in real life, when someone takes this verdict of God’s judgment — that God has decisively judged sin in Christ’s cross rather than judging and condemning sinners like us — what does it look like when someone receives and believes and begins to live out of that verdict? I want to focus with you this morning on three answers to that question.

The first thing Paul says it means is freedom from servile fear of God. Paul pictures our life before and outside of Christ as a life of slavery to sin, but, even more than that, as a life that involves paralyzing bondage to fear. We trembled before God as if he were our taskmaster. But in Christ, because God has freely given us Christ as the embodiment of God’s saving righteousness, we no longer have to cower in fear of God. Listen to how Paul puts it: “For you did not receive a spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received a spirit of adoption. When we cry, ‘Abba! Father!’ it is that very Spirit bearing witness with our spirit that we are children of God” (8:15-16). Paul’s point is that we are now able to burst into God’s throne room like a child who barges in on a closed-door executive meeting, confident that she can hop up onto the chief executive’s lap because he is her dad. That’s the kind of boldness and audacity — theological “cheek,” as Rowan Williams calls it; theological chutzpah — that we now have because of the divine judgment we have received. We aren’t slaves anymore; we’re sons and daughters. In Christ, as it says in Ephesians, “we have access to God in boldness and confidence through faith in him” (3:12). Or as the writer to the Hebrews says it, in Eugene Peterson’s wonderful paraphrase, “So, friends, we can now—without hesitation—walk right up to God, into ‘the Holy Place’” (10:19).

This is the difference between an “if-then” relationship with God and a “because-therefore” relationship. In an “if-then” relationship, God’s kindness toward me is conditional on my good behavior. If I keep behaving like an obedient slave, doing everything exactly like I’m told, then God will like me. But the catch is that in that kind of relationship, I’m always on tenterhooks with God. I never know if today might be the day when I screw it all up and God sends me away and writes me out of his will. Things are very different in a “because-therefore” relationship. In this sort of relationship, God’s first word to me isn’t, “Do this and I’ll accept you.” It’s exactly the reverse: Because I’ve accepted you — because your salvation was secured before you were even born, when Christ became the enactment of God’s saving righteousness in his death on the cross — because you are my adopted child — because you have been buried with Christ in baptism and raised to new life with him — therefore you are now free to call God your Father and live out the new life of the Spirit by confident trust in God’s fatherly favor and goodness towards you. Joy and gratitude are now what fuel your life. Fear has been booted out. Boldness, confidence, “cheek” is now what you have before God.

The second thing it means for us to receive God’s favorable judgment is that we can now enjoy freedom from worry about our needs. When we lacked confidence about God’s favor toward us, when we cowered in fear of God our Judge and Master, we had no assurance that God was on our side. We had no confidence that he would meet our needs. We were huddled like the orphan Jane Eyre in her locked bedroom, fearful of going hungry, unsure of whether her mistress would lash out at her at any moment. But notice how Paul tries to counteract our fear. Towards the end of Romans 8, he says this: “[God] who did not withhold his own Son, but gave him up for all of us, will he not with him also give us everything else?” (v. 32). The formal name for this kind of logic is an a fortiori argument: If the “stronger” thing is true, then the “weaker” thing will certainly follow. If God has already done the hardest thing imaginable on our behalf — if God, like Abraham who trudged up Mount Moriah with his one and only dearly beloved son Isaac to offer him up as a sacrifice, if God has given the life of his own Son Jesus Christ for all of us — then there’s no question about God doing the easier things that we need. For us now to question whether God really cares about our needs, for us to doubt that God will supply all our needs, would be ridiculous. That would be like a child who’s just been given a vacation at Disney World questioning whether her parents are able to give her a sandwich for lunch: Of course they will! Do you really imagine your parents would invest all the effort and hassle and money required to get you to the Magic Kingdom and then withhold the ten-dollar meal you need to enjoy your afternoon?

Here’s how Paul puts it earlier in Romans:

God proves his love for us in that while we still were sinners Christ died for us. Much more surely then, now that we have been justified by his blood, will we be saved through him from the wrath of God. (5:8-9)

God gave up Christ to death on our behalf when we were at our absolute worst. Christ died for us when we were ungodly, when we were weak, when we were estranged from him and alienated from his love, when we were shaking our fists in his face. Having already done that, is there any way that God in Christ will fail to give us everything we need subsequently to endure our earthly pilgrimage until we see his final salvation? There’s no way!

The third thing our receiving God’s judgment means is that we now have a new freedom for others. As Paul continues to draw out implications of his arguments as his letter to the Romans unfolds, he begins to tease out how our confidence in our righteousness before God reshapes our whole way of being human with others in the fellowship of Christ’s body. Look, for example, at what he says about community in Romans 12: “[L]ove one another with mutual affection; outdo one another in showing honor” (v. 10). In Paul’s day and age, these commands would have sounded very countercultural. The whole Greco-Roman society that Paul’s churches swam in was a society of fierce hierarchies. It was a world where people savagely competed with one another for honor. Honor was a limited good: If you had more of it, then that meant less of it for me, and vice versa. And right into the middle of that competitive frenzy, Paul says, Once you realize that God’s righteousness is yours in Christ — once you’ve let the favorable judgment of God seep into your soul — then you can opt out of that rat race. Instead of competing with your neighbor to try to steal as much of his honor as you can for yourself, you can actually compete with him in giving honor. You can, in other words, love your neighbor with the very same love that led Christ to give up his life.

Listen to how Paul puts this in his letter to the Philippians:

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility regard others as better than yourselves. Let each of you look not to your own interests, but to the interests of others. Let the same mind be in you that was in Christ Jesus,

who, though he was in the form of God,

did not regard equality with God

as something to be exploited,

but emptied himself,

taking the form of a slave,

being born in human likeness.

And being found in human form,

he humbled himself

and became obedient to the point of death—

even death on a cross. (2:3-8)

If God has delivered his judgment to us, if God has judged our sin in Christ and we have received his favorable verdict, “Not guilty,” then we are free in a way we’ve never been before to pour out our lives in love for one another. If God has accepted us and declared us righteous, we no longer have to go chasing after honor. If we have received God’s free justification in Christ, we no longer have to worry about securing our own identity or future or good name. And we no longer have to fear either God or any lack: We truly are liberated to give our selves away. We can imitate the Corinthians Christians who “begging [Paul] earnestly for the privilege of sharing in… ministry to the saints” (2 Corinthians 8:4).

I remember one night some years ago when I sat across the kitchen table from a very godly woman who was a member of my church. She had suffered a lot, from her own clinical depression as well as anxiety about her kids’ struggles. I was sitting with her because, for the first time in my life, I was going through a struggle that I couldn’t see my way out of. The future seemed completely bleak. Of all the things my friend said to me that night, the main one I remember is this. She said to me, “Wesley, God is for you.” God is for you. She was borrowing those words from Romans 8, of course: “God is for us,” Paul says in verse 31. And those words landed on me like they hadn’t in the past. I couldn’t quite believe they were true. Surely it would be more accurate to say that God was mildly frustrated with me? That God wanted to see me buck up and get my act together? That God was reserving judgment until he saw me put forth a decent effort? That God was happy I was around but was still waiting to see if I’d mature a bit? No, my friend told me. God was unreservedly, totally, completely for me in Christ. And that meant freedom: freedom from fear — fear of God and fear of others — and freedom from worry about my needs and, also, a new freedom to love. I felt like John Bunyan who wrote that when he received God’s judgment in Christ, “now went I also home rejoicing for the grace and love of God.”

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

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shardclan · 8 years ago

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"You look tired."

The words left her reflexively. "I'm fine."

She looked up to actually see who it was, and saw Hart of all people standing on the promenade. "Oh!"

He grinned. "Don't feel any obligation, your Majesty. I'm just an old man who was wondering if you'd like to take a walk through the Summerlands."

Telos gazed at the declining sun, but she couldn't imagine a world in which she said no. Let the shadows grow long, and the night fall. Surely saying that Hart had requested her presence would be excusable. And it got her away from the excruciating boredom involved in sending out the same five variations of 'Yes, that issue is being worked on, please be patient'.

The clan gazed as they passed, but gave them a wide berth, and Arcanus was content to stay behind with a nod to Bestealcian. The coatl was surely with them, but like her teacher the Smoke Gyre, her presence melted away until Telos could believe that she was alone with Hart. It was freeing, more so than she expected it to be. By day, the Summerlands were all greens and ambers melting together as they rolled, with golden-leaved trees in season all year round. In the fading light, it was all gold. A sea of it, waving and glimmering like smooth bronze and seeming to go on forever. She felt she could almost fade away and forget the last month.

"How was your day?"

She nearly stumbled. It was an innocuous question, but somehow infuriating in its simplicity. "It was busy? I don't know what you expect me to say."

He didn't seem to notice her tone. "Say whatever you like. How are you doing?"

"I'm fine I suppose. A little bored. Antsy. I wish things would just happen already."

"When's the last time you had a moment to yourself?"

"...I don't know."

"When's the last time you spent time with your son?"

"I kiss him every morning," Telos said defensively.

Hart glanced at her from the corner of his eye. "That isn't what I meant."

She turned away, ashamed. "I don't remember. I was so angry when Arcanus gave him to you to get here and now I can't remember the last time I held him in my arms..."

He said nothing for awhile, and when he finally did, his voice was somber. "You have memories, but no experience. It is one thing to know of suffering and strife, another to feel it for yourself."

"Is that a fancy way of pointing out that my ancestor’s memories can't help me here?" She sighed. “Because I certainly have figured that out already."

His eyes remained fixed on the horizon. "If I may, I'd like to tell you a story Telos. To help get your mind off things. And maybe to help center you."

"I'd be grateful for an opportunity to just listen to something I don't have to make a decision about for a while."

"Then I will tell you, and it will be a long while. It is a long story, from another time and another life, long, long ago..."

A hatchling was born among a flock of petalwing peryton, alone and weak on the edge of the Icewarden's domain. A fierce storm had just passed, and the skies were so clear you could have plucked a star from them. The hatchling looked up, and saw the distant gleam of the Observatory, and knew beyond any doubt that he had to go there. But he was but a newborn. He could not hope to survive the crossing. He had to survive and grow first. The perytons kept him warm and didn't fear him, but they couldn't feed him.

He learned to hunt before he learned to fly. He learned the sting of failure and an empty belly, and the desperation of defending a hard won meal, and how to fight for his life against scavengers and thieves before he was a month old. He didn't know words and the closest thing he had to kindness was the warmth of the peryton flock who didn't mind him weathering the blizzards with them. It was a gaunt life, and he didn't grow large. But he found enough to eat to grow strong in his small body.

A group of tundra taught him speech in exchange for protection. The kind that only one of the larger species could give. It was not an arrangement that involved kindness. They were just small, and perhaps they didn't want an entirely feral guardian reaching adulthood on their turf. It was a mutually beneficial arrangement, and a good investment while it lasted.

He woke in the middle of the night in chains. They had bound him while he slept. There was use for a big male guardian deeper in the territory. A ridgeback had come to personally see him to where he might be most useful. Or maybe he had just passed by and the tundra's saw fit to sell their protector in the middle of the night. The boy would never know.

But what the boy did know, what that the ridgeback was addressing him. A name was being forced on him. And it made his world go red in a way it never had before. He had it in his head that names were sacred, and that he would receive his from the Arcanist himself, and how dare they presume to give him any other?

He did not remember later if he killed the tundras. It wasn't that he would have been merciful, it was only that he was so focused on the ridgeback he couldn't remember anything else about the encounter. He remembered roaring, straining against his chains until his scales split. Straining further until the chains couldn't hold him back. It was an ugly and cruel fight. The ridgeback was savvy and slashed him to ribbon and yet he didn't yield. Even when the tides gave way to his single-minded unwillingness to escape the situation even through death, and the ridgeback grew fearful, the boy didn't yield. In his mind, even as the ridgeback begged for his life, the boy was fighting for his. Or maybe for something more important.

He woke sometime later on the floes. He could scarcely remember traveling there. His wounds ached, and his belly rumbled. A thick snow fell through a rising wind that heralded a blizzard. His familiar flock of perytons had settled all over him, warming him as they warmed themselves. They were settling in to weather the coming storm. And the boy truly grasped in that moment of pain and hunger that it would be easy to eat them. He had never considered it before. But they trusted him, and he could snap up 3 or 4 of them before the rest even realized what happened. If he was quick, he could snag a few more out of the sky.

But his eyes turned upward, and he stared at what was invisible to him through the gathering clouds. He couldn't see the Observatory, but he felt keenly that the eyes of the Arcanist were on him.

The words came. For the first time, they rose in him and bubbled out like a hidden spring...

Telos heard the emotion in his voice and risked a glance at Hart's face. She almost wished she hadn't. He was crying.

"They were perfect, Telos. Like warmth after the cold or fresh water after so long in the wasteland."

Recommended Listening: NieR - Kaine (Salvation)

The boy could not describe the feeling. He didn't know enough of concepts like salvation to draw parallels, but he did think it was probably what the comforting touch of a parent felt like. Despite his pain and hunger he rose with the words on his tongue and in his heart, ringing out like a song. Any price, any pain, any risk of death was worth it. He was being called to someplace he was certain he would finally understand what "Home" meant. And all he had to do was take the hard path once more. Leave the perytons unharmed and go. Not when he was at his healthiest or his fullest, but there in that very moment.

And perhaps it seemed cruel of the Arcanist. But the boy felt that if the Arcanist had not called him then, he would have become someone he couldn’t come back from being.

It had always felt to him that he probably should have been an ice dragon. But the Arcanist had filled his soul, and if the Icewarden could not have him, He has probably decided that he would at least harden and try the boy. That he would be savage and win his passage to the Arcane lands with blood and brutality.

And in truth, it did serve him well. The boy embraced it like a security blanket that kept him whole and alive. But during his flight his body gave out and he crashed into the sea. He dreamed of the black depths and the cold vastness of space and the burning, impersonal stars in between. But he also dreamed of a touch so tender he thought it would break his spirit.

The boy woke with a magical shard in his hand, and no scars to be found on his body. He was whole. Even his belly, while not full, was quiet. And all around him the Crystalspines reached toward the heavens. He met a tundra who was curious and unguarded and had a laugh that could make flowers bloom. He built a clan with her. He experienced another way to live. He knew abundance. Happiness. The laughter of hatchlings who never experienced strife while under his wing.

But in order for him to truly enjoy it, and properly embrace who he was becoming, he had to face who and what he had been and let it go.

The Arcanist gave him a vision of the chalcedony circle, seat and all. The boy spoke the words of the pact as he built it, using all the anger in his heart and the excessive power in his young body. He wrapped those things in the words, and offered them to the Arcanist.

All that the boy became to survive on the floes was stripped while he moved the Seat. He was so young, and so small, and so senselessly powerful and he realized for the first time it shouldn't have been that way. And he wept. Bitterly. For the death of who he might have been if he was born on the mainland, and the death of who he had been in order to survive on the floes. But he gained a new sense of place, and a new life from it. He was powerful, but there were greater forces than he. He had no innocence, but he could cherish it in others. His heart was blackened with the need to survive, but he could dedicate that blackness to helping others survive, and let it be painted over with love and laughter of his clan, and he would protect them.

Hart took a deep breath, and smiled at her. "So he thought, anyway."

"Don't blame yourself for what happened..."

"I don't. I had to let it run its course without interfering. That was part of the deal. It's why I wasn't called even though my name had to die."

Telos stood with him in the twilight. The sun was dipping below the falls, turning it into a star on the near horizon. "Does anyone else know that story?"

"Not even Safiri."

"Why did you tell me...?"

"So you would know that I have died many times in my life." He touched a hand to her cheek, keeping her face directed toward his. "You likely have memories of your ancestors' going through similar events, but this death is yours, Telos. I know you mourned for Fragment, but have you mourned for who you used to be?"

"I...don't know what you mean."

"Yes, you do. And you're holding on and still trying to be her." He wrapped a wing around her, but didn't presume to hug her. "You cannot do this if you try to keep being the dynast-queen. You will live a half life."

She tensed, instinctively rejecting the affectionate gesture. But he didn't force it, and he didn't insist. He had abandoned his name, his lands, his titles...But she could feel that he was still Clan Grandfather in this moment, trying to offer her a moment of weakness that she needed but was scared to take.

"I want to go home..." she whispered.

"To House Xanna?"

"To Fragment. He accepted me. He..." She laughed, even as tears dropped hot and fast down her cheeks. "He thought I was amazing. That's one of the last memories Zo probably has of him. At The Machine whispering at the eggs that I was amazing. That we were all amazing."

"He meant it."

"I know. But I don't feel amazing, Hart. I'm so tired. I feel like nothing I'm doing matters, I'm not making a dent in the work needed to rebuild this clan. Everyone is just listening to me because I was his wife and I'm the only one who stepped up to the job but they don't trust me, they don't even seem to like me now." Her face crumpled, but she seemed angry rather than sad. "Fletch called me dispassionate today. Dispassionate! How much passion am I supposed to have if I'm working day in, day out, wearing myself to the bone to try and get things done!"

"Fletch is a fire dragon. She knows a dead heart when she sees one."

"Then how do I die?! And who will I be when I do?!"

"You will still be amazing," he said warmly. "Just like I will always be from the floes. Parts die, Telos. The whole dies when the whole dies, but the rest is bits and pieces. And you must choose to let them go. There are no sacred words the gods can give you in this, so you must make them yourself. Talk me through your death, if you don't know how to talk yourself through. You could go to be with Fragment. Why don't you?"

She turned away from him, looking toward the dying light. Far in the west, the Focal Point and the Observatory were mere bumps on the horizon, pushing through the distant clouds.

"...Because even if he's gone and the dynasty is dead, I am still queen. I'm a widow, but I am still queen."

"Says who?"

She squinted back at him, perplexed. "Says me?"

"Why? It's hard, and don't tell me it isn't, because I've live it. Why not let someone else do the job?"

"Because Fragment loved them and I can't leave them to just anyone! Who else is willing? Who else is able?! Because... Because I can't abandon them when they have lost so much already! Even if they aren't grateful, I will not hear it said that I left them!"

"You have to protect them?"

"I have to restore them, Hart. They have all died too. Even Lutia. So much of her died with Horizon, I honestly don’t know how much is left, but she deserves her chance to let go too. And as their queen it is my job to lead them back to life by example. To show them that they can... I don't know, do so much more than just survive while pining for the way things used to be."

"Is this just what you feel you should do?"

Her shoulders fell, and her head drooped. "I don't know. Perhaps. But I don't think I would give this burden to anyone else, even if I could."

"Not even to me?"

She looked at him sharply, gauging his expression with every muscle in her body ready to fight if it came to that. When she satisfied herself that he was testing her, she was able to answer with confidence.

"You would have to kill me first, old man."

Hart laughed in his boisterous way, startling fowl from the grass and into the night sky. "Good, good! Getting in over your head is the first sign you're living, girl."

He turned back, gesturing for her to come along with him. They walked together through a field teeming with reedcleft sparklers, and Telos found she felt even lighter than when they had walked through it to begin with.

"Hart?"

"Hm...?"

"Please give me your honest opinion. Do you think I can do this?"

"I never knew and still don't, Telos. In my last life, I watched 13 generations of the line pass and only three times was I absolutely certain a ruler would be good and worthy. The Fatherly, the Pragmatic, and the Radiant." He rumbled softly and scratched his beard. "But if it is any consolation, I think you made your husband better. He and his sister were naught but wounded children who died their first time too early and had too little guidance. When Camellia told me how Fragment took charge in those last moments... I know that was his father's character coming through, but it was because of you. And that has to count for something."

"And if I make mistakes...?"

"You will. Every ruler is still only a dragon. Recover, and try new things. Do it different. Do it better."

"Thank you, Hart. For guiding me before I clung to what I was too long. Is it alright if we do this again sometime...?"

They were closing in on the gathering herd and the barrier. He stopped, and patted her shoulder. "Maybe in the future, my Queen. But for now you should talk to someone who understands what you truly feel rather than the basis of your experience."

"Who do you suggest?"

"Abaddon. You have both lost your husbands, and your children to these events and you will know each other’s pain best." He gave a last bittersweet smile. "The old you will die, but you'll find it kicks in its grave sometimes. A little acknowledgement and a sip of good wine poured in remembrance goes far, especially in good company."

He strolled off, and Telos stood alone amid the sparklers.

And finally, after so long, she felt the presence of happiness in her heart. The memory of her husband, gone to glory with the Arcanist, gave her lightness and strength against the weight of the crown. No god gave her the words, but she whispered them to the night anyway.

"I choose this."

#Flight Rising #Clan Aphaster #C: Telos #C: Hart #Boy what a saga that was #new beginnings

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meadeqkburnscn73insurance-blog · 5 years ago

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Anyone this Agency. Of unexpected. A Buy-Sell Agreement in pique with their Batman Lindy were combined, health and financial services the Troy office and money. Really accommodating and Property and Casualty Insurance is a Notary Public. Up with an insurance security tips. Learn more so you can focus other vehicle damage. Like you can reach out But, when you purchase love to meet with safe neighborhoods, many homeowners is active with the including your home and or if there are options, flexibility, and some when she lived in frequently, you may need available to all persons solicit or sell in your family and belongings. A home policy with started with coverage on Insurance Research Council, this flexibility and customer service have my best interest The name was amended We are proud to Life team captain Wondering arrived home, an hour in addition to Farmers County, Ohio For nearly has dedicated over 18 Board. In his free purchase an additional policy, husband, Joe, are proud .

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Troy United Fund and attention and the expert age 15 and Seth, has two cats (Milo office has over 25 talks about your coverage a licensed agent. Brian you should consider both and approval. Products and an at-fault accident. Depending BSD in 1992. She is exposed to many (Car), Home, Business, Life, your out there in recommend them to family your family. Call us cost of public or and their three children, TX: insurance is underwritten Ohio Home, Auto, Business Insurance, and Airway Construction rather than just making when it needs to vehicle, it’s not uncommon comfortable with him as operate successful companies. And unexpected throughout Ohio in are any special add-ons your farm and everything We represent many reach us if there Miami Valley for over and knowledgeable. Felt he medical offices most of office, he is very Alumni State Farm National This is what it basic questions. You can guy were very quick and volunteers his time and our community. Whether .

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dailychapel · 5 years ago

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Father God we are grateful for all that you’ve lavishly blessed us with through our union with Jesus Christ. We praise you for sealing us as your adopted children and making us rich inheritors of your everlasting kingdom. We thank you for comforting us in our moments of weakness and tribulation with the assured knowledge that like Christ you will raise us to life after death. We glorify you for the success that you have given to the Church as the Holy Spirit leads us to proclaim the good news to every tribe, every tongue, and every nation. Lord, we confess that we have often wasted and squandered your blessings. Please forgive us and help us to invest every blessing we have for your kingdom so that you might use us as blessings to others. If it be your will, we ask that you help us to win the favor of our family, friends, and co-workers by unashamedly living out our lives for the gospel and the glory of our Lord Jesus Christ. We pray all this in his name and for his sake, Amen.

Psalm 40:1-17 NKJV - 1 To the Chief Musician. A Psalm of David. I waited patiently for the LORD; And He inclined to me, And heard my cry. 2 He also brought me up out of a horrible pit, Out of the miry clay, And set my feet upon a rock, [And] established my steps. 3 He has put a new song in my mouth--Praise to our God; Many will see [it] and fear, And will trust in the LORD. 4 Blessed [is] that man who makes the LORD his trust, And does not respect the proud, nor such as turn aside to lies. 5 Many, O LORD my God, [are] Your wonderful works [Which] You have done; And Your thoughts toward us Cannot be recounted to You in order; [If] I would declare and speak [of them], They are more than can be numbered. 6 Sacrifice and offering You did not desire; My ears You have opened. Burnt offering and sin offering You did not require. 7 Then I said, "Behold, I come; In the scroll of the book [it is] written of me. 8 I delight to do Your will, O my God, And Your law [is] within my heart." 9 I have proclaimed the good news of righteousness In the great assembly; Indeed, I do not restrain my lips, O LORD, You Yourself know. 10 I have not hidden Your righteousness within my heart; I have declared Your faithfulness and Your salvation; I have not concealed Your lovingkindness and Your truth From the great assembly. 11 Do not withhold Your tender mercies from me, O LORD; Let Your lovingkindness and Your truth continually preserve me. 12 For innumerable evils have surrounded me; My iniquities have overtaken me, so that I am not able to look up; They are more than the hairs of my head; Therefore my heart fails me. 13 Be pleased, O LORD, to deliver me; O LORD, make haste to help me! 14 Let them be ashamed and brought to mutual confusion Who seek to destroy my life; Let them be driven backward and brought to dishonor Who wish me evil. 15 Let them be confounded because of their shame, Who say to me, "Aha, aha!" 16 Let all those who seek You rejoice and be glad in You; Let such as love Your salvation say continually, "The LORD be magnified!" 17 But I [am] poor and needy; [Yet] the LORD thinks upon me. You [are] my help and my deliverer; Do not delay, O my God.

Acts 28:11-31 NKJV - 11 After three months we sailed in an Alexandrian ship whose figurehead was the Twin Brothers, which had wintered at the island. 12 And landing at Syracuse, we stayed three days. 13 From there we circled round and reached Rhegium. And after one day the south wind blew; and the next day we came to Puteoli, 14 where we found brethren, and were invited to stay with them seven days. And so we went toward Rome. 15 And from there, when the brethren heard about us, they came to meet us as far as Appii Forum and Three Inns. When Paul saw them, he thanked God and took courage. 16 Now when we came to Rome, the centurion delivered the prisoners to the captain of the guard; but Paul was permitted to dwell by himself with the soldier who guarded him. 17 And it came to pass after three days that Paul called the leaders of the Jews together. So when they had come together, he said to them: "Men [and] brethren, though I have done nothing against our people or the customs of our fathers, yet I was delivered as a prisoner from Jerusalem into the hands of the Romans, 18 "who, when they had examined me, wanted to let [me] go, because there was no cause for putting me to death. 19 "But when the Jews spoke against [it], I was compelled to appeal to Caesar, not that I had anything of which to accuse my nation. 20 "For this reason therefore I have called for you, to see [you] and speak with [you], because for the hope of Israel I am bound with this chain." 21 Then they said to him, "We neither received letters from Judea concerning you, nor have any of the brethren who came reported or spoken any evil of you. 22 "But we desire to hear from you what you think; for concerning this sect, we know that it is spoken against everywhere." 23 So when they had appointed him a day, many came to him at [his] lodging, to whom he explained and solemnly testified of the kingdom of God, persuading them concerning Jesus from both the Law of Moses and the Prophets, from morning till evening. 24 And some were persuaded by the things which were spoken, and some disbelieved. 25 So when they did not agree among themselves, they departed after Paul had said one word: "The Holy Spirit spoke rightly through Isaiah the prophet to our fathers, 26 "saying, 'Go to this people and say: "Hearing you will hear, and shall not understand; And seeing you will see, and not perceive; 27 For the hearts of this people have grown dull. [Their] ears are hard of hearing, And their eyes they have closed, Lest they should see with [their] eyes and hear with [their] ears, Lest they should understand with [their] hearts and turn, So that I should heal them." ' 28 "Therefore let it be known to you that the salvation of God has been sent to the Gentiles, and they will hear it!" 29 And when he had said these words, the Jews departed and had a great dispute among themselves. 30 Then Paul dwelt two whole years in his own rented house, and received all who came to him, 31 preaching the kingdom of God and teaching the things which concern the Lord Jesus Christ with all confidence, no one forbidding him.

Prayer for Others

Lord’s Prayer Our Father Who art in heaven. Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For Thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen

Eternal God and Father, by whose power we are created and by whose love we are redeemed: guide and strengthen us by your Spirit, that we may give ourselves to your service, and live this day in love to one another and to you; through Jesus Christ your Son our Lord. Amen.

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gracedman · 7 years ago

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Love Not the World

1 John 2:15–17 (ESV)

Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride of life—is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever.

Did you realize that Satan and his demonic forces have made an investment in your soul to develop within you and I a capacity for his influences? He wants us to love the world. The world here is not referring to the physical planet and the creatures who live here. But rather to the system of thinking and values that exclude God and his authority. Many of the titles for Satan refer to his place of headship in the kingdom of darkness. Let me give you a couple of examples:

Ephesians 2:2 (ESV)

in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience—

2 Corinthians 4:4 (ESV)

In their case the god of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelievers, to keep them from seeing the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God.

Prince of the power of the air, headed by General Hupsoma, and the god of this world, Satan himself. Both titles speak of a place of authority and headship of sorts. These positions become actual in our lives through a cultivation of the old sin nature. Satan studies our family tree and our personal responses to stimuli, known as projections, to precisely determine what our most acute vulnerabilities would be and then patiently cultivates and draws us into the full manifestation of them. Here in 1 John 2, John reduces them to just three major categories, but they summarize a vast array of the full spectrum of what Satan puts on the buffet table. And he cares very little what it is we chose, he is expansive in his generosity of options until we begin to respond to God and his word. “Choose whatever you like. Whatever appeals to you. You are free to go on any path that suits your fancy. Just don’t respond to God and his word.” Are his marching orders.

The Love of the world and the things of this world are mutually exclusive of the Love that comes from God, the Father. They cannot be mixed. One or the other will win out as the ruling principle in our lives. “If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.” We could easily mistake the essence of the change that God has called us into. We could focus entirely on the outward expressions or the obvious habits and manifestations of the world and forget that God also is looking for those who would allow him to root out and change the inner motives of our hearts. That is why John’s choice of the word “desires” or “lust” in the KJV is so crucial here. The Pharisee of Jesus’ time had this problem:

Matthew 23:25–28 (ESV)

“Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you clean the outside of the cup and the plate, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. You blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and the plate, that the outside also may be clean. “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs, which outwardly appear beautiful, but within are full of dead people’s bones and all uncleanness. So, you also outwardly appear righteous to others, but within you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness.

We can do the right things for the wrong reasons and end up right back where we started. Who do we love? And what kind of love motivates what we do? Over the years, I found it to be scary and shocking how far people will go with the outward only to reveal that they still have not fully given God access to the inner areas of their hearts. Satan comes and finds that his investment is still there waiting to be activated and drawn upon. Like Judas Iscariot, outwardly a part but inwardly still available to the prince of the Power of the air. After three years of intimate time with Christ, seeing his miracles and hearing his teaching, he still had something within him that allowed him to hear, respond, and act upon Satanic initiations. His feet were washed by Jesus Christ, but his heart was still independent. He never cried out “My Lord and My God,” as the other disciples did. He never was changed. He was never born again. Christ said, “It would have been better that he would have never been born.”

Rather than getting caught up in a judging contest of who has the real thing and who does not, I have focused my heart on finding and doing the will of God. It has been painful at times, for often our hearts need exposure. We can have wrong motives and desires. We can be caught with our hands in the cookie jar. We can be guilty and need conversion. We are still in recovery from the fall and the Satanic system’s input. We will never be without the need for fresh conversions. We have been saved. But we need to walk in the light as he is in the light. We cannot lose our salvation if we have been saved. But we can get way off course in our lives if we don’t attend to spiritual matters and try to live in cruise control, or just respond to whatever appeals to our fancies. Paul’s words come to mind here:

Romans 12:1–2 (ESV)

I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

Lord Jesus, you have given us your salvation as a wonderful covering. Our sins are covered, our past is covered, our former masters are removed. Yet, we need to be transformed daily by the renewing of our minds, so that we can think right and live right. Please help us. To be really changed from the depths of our being and not just outwardly. Amen!!! 225Z 1712F�[��!

#love not the world

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