#and the first thing i see is a gifset of tonight's episode

[radarsteddybear]

*gnawing at the bars of my enclosure over the parallels between Darry and Ponyboy's relationship in The Outsiders and Siegfried and Tristan's relationship in All Creatures Great & Small*

[accidentally-in-fictional-love]

Things I Noticed While Writing Light The Fuse: Part 10, Episode 4

It's Cop Night tonight!

I don't say this nearly enough, but I really love Ethan lol this is one of the funniest things he's ever said, no more fear of the Ghouls with this guy

Not Matty of all people coming in with the 'okay enough of that please don't start things'

He is thinking :] he just stares for so long trying to think of anything to say that wouldn't also start something and I love him for that

I was just gunna add this cause cute Matty and hot Johnson but as I was rendering this I saw Ethan's face for the first time fuckin lmao I have seen this scene SO many times and never once have I looked at Ethan

I really love soft, apologetic Matty, need more of this guy

I love how you can actually see the switch between Well Mannered Matty and his usual self when being polite doesn't work lmao no one else could've played him for REAL /)w(\ also the smug laugh he does afterwards will be the death of me

In case it wasn't obvious already I have a thing with being intimidated and this is the hottest thing I've ever seen in my entire life no one else could've played him

This exchange makes me insane. Matty is so hot here I can hardly stand it. This would've been such a good fucking fight, Matty just staring him down not scared at all, the implication of everyone else he isn't afraid of coming after him and he doesn't even care, his hand is shaking he's so strong and brave and I would fight Gary for him even though he could kick my 5'5 ass

Fucking. Same. Ethan.

I just really wanted to say this outfit fuckin eats, he makes me wanna buy him a very expensive beverage and sit with him while he drinks slow and talks about his day /)//w//(\ okay I'm normal again sorry about that back to the post

Hi Angel~ Been watching a few of Rhys' movies for editing and he does this little wave in like all of them and this is just him continuing the trend lol so cute, I might make a lil gifset about it at some point 🥰

Johnson standing there like 'Matty. Pinup. Matty.' like what is that look I'm going insane, he's surrounded by beautiful dancing ladies and he's always looking at Matty or Ethan

Like. Fucking same, Johnson. I am also looking at Johnson like that as well just so you know

lmao at Ethan but I love the amount of detail they put into all these sets like this bathroom is seen only once and they decked it out so damn cool

Whoa I was just gunna screencap this bit and say I could never use a urinal cause guys are just... dicks out next to each other and that's so awkward oh my god so I'm always like looking at the wall during this whole scene cause I'm shy /)~(\ but Matty actually has another moment of misdirection when Ethan gets all still, doesn't change the subject this time, just hammers it home, but he does it in a way that still gets him away from Ethan it looks like so he knows he doesn't have to freak out over being recognized

Serious conversation, dicks just out, all three of them, pissin' away, can't be me. Also love how Johnson isn't allowed in the scene cause there's only three urinals lmao he's saving their table for them it's all good

He's also watching Ethan and seeing how calm he is this time ;w;

Gross. Disgusting. Don't bring your open drinks into the bathroom you heathen Matty did too but at least he like leaves it there cause I saw it in his hand when he walked in and placed it on the top and then he never picked it back up, he's just littering

I think him looking at me like that might fix me 😌 also cop didn't wash his hands yucko everybody shame him aaaaaaaaand I just now realized I giffed Ethan fuckin shakin' it and Matty's just staring at him with that expression as he's doing it I'm going to jump off a CLIFF MEN'S BATHROOMS ARE SO AWKWARD

'Why?' Cutting Matty out of this part in the fic nearly killed me cause I couldn't do this exchange but I'm so happy with him realizing it himself ;w;

Him saying this to me would definitely fix me. Love how he gets one second to be so genuine, his voice is so soft, and then he just laughs cause Ethan has the best reactions and he's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen after Johnson

Nearly hit my limit again surprisingly so yayyy I get to talk about my favourite scene with Ethan and Meredith tomorrow, gimme all the friendships with her to talk about! 💙💛

[thegeminisage]

STAR TREK UPDATE TIME, holy shit! tuesday we watched ds9's "a time to stand" and "rocks and shoals."

a time to stand:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUGH

i feel like ds9 is so fucking good every episode i rate "watch" on ym spreadsheet would easily be "must see" in any other trek show. where do i even fucking start

i love that theyre just casually mentioning bashirs darkest secret in playful banter now. theres something in there that makes me very emotional but also it's extremely funny. also, he really DOES quote percentages like a vulcan. whatever he and garak were doing, i don't know what that was but i loved it. literally his boyish smile

oh speaking of couples. KIRA AND ODO. they've got the station all to themselves...um, e quark. i did get deluded for a hot second, when they were all at the bar together, into believing in kira e odo e quark. i don't think that's going to be a permanent feature in my psyche but it was fascinating to experience just once

ODO. MAKES HANDS. TO TOUCH PEOPLE WITH!!!!!!!!!!!

no one made this gifset so i have to make do with a screencap

HE MAKES HANDS TO TOUCH PEOPLE WITH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i may have had to pause the episode to start screaming

also. hi. "im glad you can still smile" "only when im with you" what if i threw myself into the sun

dukat and kira, holy shit. i've never been so scared in my life. i think about it all the time that he essentially called leeta into his office to fuck him. he BLOCKED KIRA'S EXIT. jesus christ we've come so far from his gay little fireworks show and the thron in his ass

odo manipulating weyoun who's obsessed with him <3 king. but he only did it because <3 kira asked him to. he literally said i've walked this horrible horrible line before i can do it again...their relationship is somehow moving forward because they are going back in time

and like GOD she knows he loves her and she hasn't decided how she feels back but somehow it's still comfortable because he doesn't ask for anything...IMPECCABLE fucking vibes. WHO is doing it like them

on the spaceship side, all of that was very fun, especially sisko and his <3 headaches. but even funnier was them getting stuck 17 years away from help. JUST like. star trek voyager

rocks and shoals:

AND IT GETS BETTER!

kira in this episode. mwah. she quite literally can't live with herself and it's SO clever because at first you the viewer are also like aaaa no dont let the bajorans protest aaaaaa theyll get in trouble and then kira has the change on heart and youre like oh shit. oh fuck. whose side am EYE on?

also, the fact that this was also odo's kneejerk reaction, and she said "don't make me fight you too" and he immediately fell in line. that's love.

garak's "oh, NO" as they were falling. please let the man say "oh shit"

o'brien ripping his pants <3 incredibly funny i felt like i was getting loopy right along with them. the wide shot of the flaming ship sinking into the sea as they laughed their asses off.......cinema

poor dax!!! she tries so hard to be brave but man she really did get fucked up

the little vorta freak in this episode...i want him dead. what an evil thing to do to your own guys AND one of sisko's people died too because of it. ik they won't kil him but they should kill him

i wasn't expecting the thing between garak and nog to have like consequences but it was funt hat they brought it back up. good for them and good for nog, even though i still wish it had been bashir on the post

julian being so chirpy and cheerful w the vorta after fixing him up as though he is a normal patient...sir please control yourself

my only complaint is i wish jake had more to do...right now he just seems to be getting underfoot, when staying behind was supposed to be a sign of maturity. hopefully all his reporting isn't for nothing!!!!

TONIGHT: voy's "day of honor" and "nemesis"

[sunnydaleherald]

The Sunnydale Herald Newsletter, Thursday, January 23

Xander: "I think did great. We knocked em dead. Which they already were." Willow: "We knocked 'em deader!"

~~Superstar~~

The Sunnydale Herald is looking for at least one new editor. Contributing to the Herald is a great way to get your Buffy on! Find out more here.

[Drabbles & Short Fiction]

enlightenment (Buffy/Angel, T) by GraceNM

No Power In The Verse (Ensemble, NR) by Julane_Sutliff

The Slayer's Allure (Crossover with Harry Potter, M) by TheDarkKnight2001

New Moon Rising (Spike/Xander, E) by Spander_Lover_Plus

what if we only talk about what we want and cannot have? (Buffy/Tara, NR) by fauchevalent

Drowning in the Poison (Buffy/Spike, T) by smells_corrupt

Sunshine (Drusilla, NR) by smells_corrupt

[Chaptered Fiction]

only god knows, Chapter 1 (Buffy/Spike, M) by dykeforspike

Aftertaste, Chapter 1 (Buffy/Faith, E) by thisyearsgrrl

Carol of a missing lipstick, Chapter 10 (Buffy/Spike, G) by rossshin

Keep You Ghosted, Chapter 15 (Buffy/Spike, R) by hydranjenna

Nemesis: To Give What Is Due, Chapter 12 (Buffy/Spike, R) by YouCutYourHair

Loop, Chapter 8 (Buffy/Spike, NC-17) by simmony

Waiting for You, Chapter 34 (Buffy/Spike, NC-17) by honeygirl51885

All Points West, Chapter 1 (Buffy/Spike, R) by Alyot

Ripples, Chapter 19 (Buffy/Spike, PG-13) by violettathepiratequeen

How to Be a Heartbreaker, Chapter 24 (Buffy/Spike, NC-17) by Maxine Eden

We're Going to be Friends, Chapter 17 (Buffy/Spike, R) by scratchmeout

[Images, Audio & Video]

Icons: Icon Pack #15 — BtVS / Buffy, Spike, Xander (9 icons) by VeroNyxK84

Artwork:[Spike & Angel AU designs] by fangs-light-forgiveness-au

Artwork:[Spike] by inquisitoriux

Artwork:Two guys and a mime by the-nerdcave

Sims 4: Sunnydale High from Buffy The Vampire Slayer in the sims 4 by nikkiitalks

Manip:You think we're dancing? by tenderjock

Manip:I’m supposed to be doing homework- but I have a higher calling by sadgollum-blog

Gifset:[Buffy & Willow] by starryeyesxx

Gifset:Bangel + Genuinely Enjoying Each Other's Company by liam-summers

Gifset:REWATCH -> Dead Man's Party by laufeysons

Gifset:BUFFY SUMMERS IN WILD AT HEART by detectivedawnsummers

Video: Tonight's Buffy:Angel Crossover Event Will Return WB Bumper (November 23,1999) by Tracy G. Jackson TV

Video: The 1 || Buffy & Faith by Lexi Edits

Video: Buffy and Angel - Rollercoaster by juliaroxs241

Video: Buffy and Spike - Talk Talk by juliaroxs241

Video: The WB's Buffy/Angel Crossover Event Will Continue WB Bumper (November 23,1999) by Tracy G. Jackson TV

Video: BTVS 4x08/Angel 1x08 aka Buffy/Angel Crossover Event WB Promo NEXT on WB 11 WPIX (November 23,1999) by Tracy G. Jackson TV

[Reviews & Recaps]

*THIS CANNOT BE REAL* Buffy the Vampire Slayer S6 Ep 19 "Seeing Red" Reaction FIRST TIME WATCHING by Nick Reacts

Buffy the Vampire Slayer 6x3 & 6x4 REACTION | "After Life" & "Flooded" by The Horror Bandwagon

Buffy The Vampire Slayer "I ONLY HAVE EYES FOR YOU" S2E19 (REACTION!!!) by JerBear Reacts

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Season 3 Episode 18 - Earshot by Sh*t 90s Shows Taught Me

Buffy the Vampire Slayer - Movie Review by Eterniam

Podcast: Angel 1.17 - Eternity by Buffy the Vampire Straya

[Recs & In Search Of]

Darla Takes Charge (M) recced by februaryfangfest

[Fandom Discussions]

[Faith knows her character's purpose] by moistvonlipwig

spike will literally just be sitting there and everybody will come up to him and project their own self-loathing onto him by lesbianmarrow

[Bangel v Spuffy in 2025] by smallboyonherbike

Irregular (but, sadly, regularly needed) reminder that the idea that Willow's parents are abusive is entirely divorced from canon. by coraniaid

One of the few things we know canonically about Willow Rosenberg's mother by coraniaid

season 4 has such potent wasted potential by jxsterkind

[Spuffy alley scene] by slugessence

OT Twin Peaks and was it an influence on BtVS by Btvs fan

Buffy Season 6 is really good by Smoke-Thin-Mints and multiple authors

Xander by multiple authors

How? by multiple authors

Spike vs. Angel by multiple authors

Buffy Sequal 20 years later. by multiple authors

[Sarah Michelle Gellar quote] by multiple authors

I feel like Willow wanted so bad to be a good friend, she ended up being a bad one (-ish) by multiple authors

That time Giles almost died by multiple authors

What if Faith never turned evil in Season 3? by multiple authors

If Faith had got her own spin off starting from whatever season of buffy you like - what characters would you have liked, loved and loathed to see join the main cast. And what kind of story would you have wanted her own show to tell - the rogue slayer or a slayer seeking redemption. by multiple authors

Did I hear that right? by multiple authors

Spike was the reason I became a fan of the show Passions. by multiple authors

All Buffy’s meet on the same timeline. Who are getting along and who are already fighting? by multiple authors

Thing that bothers me about gypsy curse and writers by multiple authors

Did the show veer off from Slayers/Vampires and focus more on Witches/Magic in the later seasons? by multiple authors

Does anyone wish Wesley killed his real father in Lineage? by multiple authors

This Show is Old by multiple authors

We deserved more of Spike and Darla by multiple authors

If you could only watch one comedic episode of BTVS for the rest of your life, which episode would you choose? by multiple authors

[Articles, Interviews, and Other News]

Publication: Buffy Fan Finds Perfect Spike Double In ’70s Documentary Footage via Giant Freakin Robot

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[knickynoo]

Back to the Future: The Animated Series, s02ep01 “Mac the Black” Review and Commentary

Previous episodes linked here.

In this episode: Marty is a liar, liar, pants on fire, Doc and Clara seriously need to work on keeping the DeLorean locked up, and I am nearly broken by the funniest scene this goofy cartoon has ever done.

Took about a month off from doing these reviews, but I'm back and ready to tackle season 2. I still don't know if Tumblr fixed the issue with the photo and gifsets getting messed up (and won't until I post this), so if the images are getting stacked again, it isn't my fault.

Let's jump right in.

Doc's season 2 opening broadcast begins on a deserted island, on which Doc has become stranded while attempting to sail to Jamaica.

He was trying to follow the same route a pirate did in the 1600s—using only his sail and the wind to guide him. It did not go well. Doc lets us know that he forgot to bring along a compass. What a goofball.

His predicament reminds him of something, and he says, "You know, at one time, my son Verne wanted to be a pirate. Well, actually, what he really wanted was an earring. Or was it a tattoo? This one's a bit complicated, so I'll let Marty explain it." This then brings us right into the cartoon, where Marty takes over telling the story.

Hope you get off that island, Doc!

As we head into the cartoon portion of the episode, Marty tells us that the whole thing started when he lied to Jennifer about a concert. *sigh* If anyone was hoping that Season 2 Marty would be better than Season 1 Marty, I regret to inform you that we're not off to a great start. You see, Marty was supposed to get tickets for himself and Jen for the "Walk DMC" concert (ha! clever), but he didn't. In fact, we learn that Jennifer had asked him two months prior to get the tickets, but he forgot. So far, this is typical Marty behavior. He tries to smooth-talk a guy who works at the concert venue and explain his sad story. Because apparently, it wasn't just that he said he'd get the tickets. He told Jennifer he was "a friend of a friend of the drummer" and they could get front-row seats. He also told her they could join the band's after-show party and have pizza with them.

You lie?? You tell MULTIPLE LIES to Jennifer?? Jail for Marty.

The worker responds by tying a nearby garden hose to the railing to craft a large slingshot to put Marty in and catapult him away. And you know what? Good for him.

After flying through an alleyway and crashing into several garbage cans, Marty lands in front of Jen wearing a look of shame on his face and a banana peel on his head.

So sad. Poor little garbage-covered banana-head boy. Maybe don't tell lies; ever think about that?

Jennifer asks why Marty couldn't just remember to buy the tickets in the first place. Instead of owning up to his forgetfulness, Marty doubles down and lies even more, trying to convince Jen that the whole band got sick and had to go home. She is not happy with him. The jock from last season who Jen was tutoring (Kelp) comes by then and asks her if she's doing anything tonight. "Yes, I'm saying goodbye to Marty McFibber," Jen replies as she hops into Kelp's car.

Wonderful. 10/10 reponse, Jennifer.

We leave Marty running after the car as the scene transitions to Doc's house, where he's working on a machine that will help them all with the tedious process of canning all the tomatoes from their garden. As expected, it malfunctions immediately. Doc gets sucked into the machine, and IT CANS HIM.

I need you all to understand how long I laughed at this scene.

Please. I—

That is a whole entire man in that little glass jar. Look at him!! He is just sitting on the counter inside a container! Doc can be easily stored in a cupboard now!! Even though the quality is terrible, you can see the distress on his face. This machine seriously just sucked him up and smooshed his 6'1" frame into a jar!!

The series should have ended right then and there, with this being the last scene because I don't think there's anything that can possibly come close to this in terms of cartoony humor. It can only be downhill from here. I had actual tears in my eyes while trying to grab these screenshots.

After freeing himself from the jar, Doc discovers that the problem was due to a washer being missing from the machine. He soon finds it when Verne wanders in showing off his cool new earring (made using the washer and a piece of bubble gum).

Verne explains that he wants an earring so that the cool kids will stop teasing him for always wearing his coonskin cap. Clara and Doc forbid him from piercing his ears, and Verne stalks off angrily. He puts on the TV and starts watching a pirate movie, which gives him the idea that he'd be able to get an earring if he was a pirate. Uh oh.

Verne sneaks out of the house to steal the time machine, which he does a lot, by the way. You'd think that Doc and Clara would have that thing securely locked up given their youngest child's tendency to just take off into the night like that.

As he's speeding off down the road, Verne runs into (and almost runs over) Marty, who is sadly walking down the road. Marty cheers up at seeing his little buddy and asks Verne to give him a ride to his car. No, "Hey, Verne, what are you doing out all on your own?" or "Whoa! You're eight-years-old; you shouldn't be driving!!" He just. Gets in the car and lets Verne continue to operate the vehicle.

Verne is happy to give Marty a lift to his own car, except he has to run an errand first. The display panel has been set for the Caribbean in 1697, and Marty is pumped to go hang out at the beach. He makes zero attempts to talk Verne out of this.

After arriving and donning some time-period appropriate clothing, the boys head straight into town, where Marty immediately gets himself into trouble. He overhears a pretty girl named Maria talking about how she can't return home to Spain until she meets the man of her dreams she's been waiting for: Mac the Black. Marty decides it's a very good idea to pretend he's Mac the Black (on account of he and Jennifer had a fight, remember? So, I guess he's just decided to throw the whole relationship away and pursue a relationship with the first girl he meets in 1697.)

Well, it turns out that Mac the Black is a wanted man, so a bunch of guys with swords chase Marty all around for a while. He then meets a group of pirates who are honored to meet him and have traveled far to find him. They've got a whole crew and a ship, and they put him in command of it and carry him off.

Meanwhile, Verne comes across a flyer advertising a cabin boy job on pirate ship. "Low wages, bad food, free earring," the paper says, and Verne is thrilled. He ends up on the same ship Marty is on, though Marty is less than enthused about the situation. He wants to just get back home and suggests he and Verne sneak out using a smaller boat.

Verne refuses to leave without his earring, though. Marty is soon informed that they're heading to "Smiling Skull Island" to meet up with some of his "old crew." After arriving, Marty's act swiftly falls apart when he's met by the REAL Mac the Black. After a series of truly ridiculous events, Marty and Verne are captured and forced to walk the plank. They're saved from their fate at the last minute when the Spanish army attacks.

We learn that Maria, who Marty had met earlier, is actually "Special Agent Señorita Maria Estrada of the Spanish Armada." She's been trying to capture Mac the Black—along with the stolen Spanish fleet's ship—and thanks Marty for his help.

With all the peril finally behind them, Marty and Verne hop back into the DeLorean and head home. Marty has learned a very valuable lesson about telling lies, and we get a scene of him and Jennifer on her porch, where Jen is finishing reading an apology letter Marty has written to her.

"Oh, Marty, that's the sweetest letter you've ever written. The longest, but the sweetest," Jen says as we get a look at her entire porch filled with paper. Marty had a lot to apologize for.

Also, I still don't understand why Jen's character design looks like that. That is NOT Jennifer.

We return to Real Doc, who is still stranded on the desert island. He spots a ship in the distance, but it turns out to be a pirate ship that's about to shoot a cannonball at him. This brings us to our experiment portion of the episode, where we learn how to make a "cannon" using a soda bottle, vinegar, baking soda, and a cork. Watching it in action made me have fond memories from my youth of dropping Mentos into bottles of diet soda and watching it explode in the backyard. Good times.

After the experiment, we go back to Doc for a moment. He announces that he's off to the store to buy the supplies to make a soda bottle cannon to fire back at the ship (this man has problems). The pirates fire at Doc but miss, and he sticks his tongue out and blows raspberries at them in a taunting manner. The episode ends there. Doc's just. He's stuck on that island, I guess.

This was a weird one. Not really that enjoyable on account of Marty being (as usual) terribly out of character. Unfortunately, this is just Who He Is in the world of the cartoon. Very sad. I also am disappointed that we only got a few seconds of Clara and Jules. But the scene of Doc in that glass jar was phenomenal. Five out of five stars.

Join me next time to see Doc run into an old enemy from college who tries to eliminate him, Jules, Verne, and Marty by luring them into an active volcano.

[deadwerewolfgirlfriend]

Meta: 1x07 Hook Man, repressed emotions, and haunting the narrative.

gifset // meta

I want to take a closer look at a scene about halfway through 1x07 Hook Man, an episode in which Sam and Dean catch a case involving an invisible spirit that kills people and seems connected to the daughter of the local reverend. They find out that the same spirit has been murdering people on and off for many years, always as retribution for what it considers to be immoral acts. At a college party, Sam and Dean have the following conversation.

Sam: A man of religion, who openly preaches against immorality. (Dean looks away) ...Except, maybe this time instead of saving the whole town, he's just trying to save his only daughter. Dean: Reverend Sorenson. You think he's summoning the spirit? Sam: Maybe. Or, you know how a poltergeist can haunt a person instead of a place? Dean: Yeah, the spirit latches on to the reverend's repressed emotions, feeds off them, yeah, okay. Sam: Without the reverend ever even knowing it. (Dean looks away again) Dean: Either way, you should keep an eye on Lori tonight. Sam: What about you? (Dean sighs, looking around) Dean: I'm gonna go see if I can find that unmarked grave.

It's worth noting further context of the episode. The brothers are still looking for John and haven't heard anything from him. Dean is interested in finding John and killing any monsters he finds on the way to hunting down the yellow-eyed demon that killed Mary, while Sam sees their time as a temporary vacation from his normal life.

I see a few reads of this scene, and what repressed emotions Sam is specifically referring to, because the MOTW is never just another monster.

1. The bisexual read.

Assuming that Dean is bisexual (source: Supernatural, seasons 1-15), this scene can be interpreted as Dean realizing that "repressed emotions" hits a little close to home. Sam either says this intentionally, that [Dean] is repressing his emotions and [Dean] doesn't even realize that people get hurt because of it, or accidentally, and Dean changes the subject because he doesn't want Sam to get any closer to the truth.

The righteous men the spirit has possessed preach against immorality. The reverend preaches against immorality. And "immorality" is the first thing that makes Dean look away -- whether because he knows that that could apply to him, or because he doesn't want to have to think about it.

2. Something (or someone) is haunting the narrative.

"Haunt the narrative" pun partially intended, because there's not a better word to describe how longing for a normal life, feeling out of place in a normal life, and whether hunting is an all-consuming lifestyle or a heroic and sacred duty are all present in every episode, even when they aren't mentioned. As of 1x07, Dean thinks hunting is a holy calling, and Sam thinks hunting is a necessary evil. Dean always believes that Sam can "escape" hunting, escape "the life," but he doesn't believe the same of himself. Dean believes that Sam is the smart one, that once they catch the yellow-eyed demon Sam will go back to Stanford and Dean will keep hunting until something kills him -- something he literally voices in 10x07.

Given how many times Dean will try to leave the hunting life and "be normal" in later seasons, I have to believe he yearns for something different. A life free of hunting, perhaps not, but I don't believe in 1x07 he thinks that leaving the life is an option. I think he believes that repressing his emotions and hunting are the same thing (and who taught him that?). The brothers don't know if they can ever return to a so-called "normal life," how they can stomach not getting involved when they know that monsters kill people, or what it takes for someone who kills monsters to become one themselves. These are not ideas that are named in every episode, but they exist in every episode, under every argument between the brothers, every difficult choice they have to make, every monster they do and don't choose to kill. Truly, these ideas haunt the narrative.

Maybe Sam believes that hunting is what's haunting Dean, that Dean would actually benefit from trying to be "normal" and taking a break from always being on the job, and that whether or not Dean is aware of it, refusing to feel and refusing to be human isn't good for him or the people around him. Unintentionally or not, and no matter how many people he saves and how many monsters he kills, Dean leaves collateral damage in his wake, damage often counted in human lives.

3. The crueler read.

What if Sam is implying that Dean is the one haunting him? Dean keeps dragging him away from his happy, ordinary life, free of monsters and hunting and demons killing people. And what happens as soon as Dean shows up again? Jess is killed by a demon. As much as Sam believes that he's the common thread, it's no coincidence that where Dean goes, there are monsters. Jess comes up again, almost always as ammunition in another of the brothers' arguments.

Wherever Sam goes, whatever he does, no matter how many times he tries to leave hunting, to leave the life, Dean follows him. Dean brings him back from the dead, again and again and again, making deals and getting himself a one-way ticket to Hell to save his brother's life, even when Sam wishes he'd just let him die. Dean tries to bring him back from the Cage. Dean makes deals with anyone who'll bargain to save Sam from remembering Hell. Whenever Sam escapes, Dean catches up, whether it's in season 6 or season 8.

And Sam is not like Dean. Hunting isn't the one true calling for him. While Dean enjoys Purgatory, even says to Sam that he enjoys killing monsters in 9x19, Sam doesn't. Sam doesn't want to kill Madison in Heart, doesn't want to kill Jack Montgomery in Metamorphosis, doesn't want to kill monsters, not the way Dean does. He doesn't take pleasure in it, and finds Dean's pleasure distasteful -- and when Sam gets just a day in Purgatory, he doesn't understand Dean's yearning for simple hunting, rather he understands Dean's pain.

Sam loves his brother, but their codependency is skewed one way, and Sam is the one who can go on without him, who can hunt without him, who can even escape the life without him. Sam is always trying to claw his way out, and Dean, without realizing, always manages to drag him back in. Dean, haunted by hunting, is haunting Sam, and he doesn't even realize who he's hurting.

[carmenlire]

The Son’s to Bear

read on ao3

With a wave of his hand, a viewing window opens on the wall, allowing Asmodeus to watch his son unobtrusive.

He sees matted hair, greasy and unkempt. There are circles under his eyes, dark bruising that betrays his bone-deep exhaustion. Laying limp in his bed-- with its Egyptian cotton and hand-woven duvet-- Magnus looks broken.

It’s a sight for sore eyes and Asmodeus drinks the scene in hungrily.

He’d tried. Lilith knew that he’d tried his damnedest to mold Magnus into the man-- the king-- he was born to be. He’d known from the moment his son was born, wails echoing around the little village he’d slipped through several months earlier-- that this would be his heir. None of his other children had ever been so powerful from the start. From Edom, Asmodeus could feel the strength in the babe, the magic already so bold and strong.

When he’d visited the little house on the outskirts of the village, he’d crept through the house as silent as a shadow. He’d frowned at the little mementos that mundanes liked to scatter around their homes-- bibles and trinkets and wasteful possessions.

Following the beckoning of the blood in his veins, Asmodeus had found the child swathed in cotton and sleeping peacefully, thumb in its mouth and expression serene.

He’d stared down at his son for long moments, cataloging the dark hair and tawny complexion. Suddenly, the child shifted in his sleep, reaching out to Asmodeus before opening eyes that were identical to his own.

Captivated, Asmodeus has slowly reached his own hand out, allowing his son to wrap a little fist around his finger. Paternal pride had clenched his chest at the power contained in such a little body. Asmodeus could detect the magic running through the child and it was potent.

Asmodeus had stood over the crib for hours, watching his son sleep while his mind churned with plans. Lost in thought, he’d stayed until the night sky started giving way for dawn’s weak light and he heard the stirring of the house on the other side of the door.

It had been nothing to keep a watchful eye on that corner of the world and when he’d heard rumblings about a little boy wreaking devastation in a tiny village, Asmodeus had known it was time.

The boy-- soon enough, Magnus-- had been distrustful, frightened. Asmodeus had coaxed him closer, though, with a sincere smile and gentle touch. He’d waited for his son to accept him, to welcome him, to reach for him before whisking the two of them away from this pocket of the world.

The next decades had been everything Asmodeus had hoped. He’d honed Magnus’s magic and watched as his son grew into his power, as he wielded devastation on his own terms and not as an act of fear.

And what devastation it had been.

In some places, there are still whispers of The Great Destruction. Asmodeus’s tutelage had been as complete as it had been uncompromising. Magnus learned to control his magic until it was second nature. Mercy wasn’t a concept the boy had known and he’d watched, time and time again, as Magnus destroyed villages and punished the people who scorned him, who shrank back in terror at eyes that should have instead commanded respect and awe.

Still, he’d failed. As Asmodeus watches the way Magnus seems to sink into the bed, listless and disgusting with it, he shakes his head mournfully.

Somewhere, he’d gone wrong. Magnus had turned against him, against the father he’d never had but always wanted, against the one person who would have given him the world on a gold-plated platter.

He still remembers the day Magnus had turned his back on his legacy. It had seared through him, a maelstrom of disbelief and rage and sorrow. He doesn’t know where he went wrong, just that Magnus had sworn that he’d never become his father-- as if that was a bad thing, as though it was shameful to fall into Asmodeus’s shadow.

But look where they are now, Asmodeus thinks with a slow, private grin.

His son never learns. His spirit is indomitable but it can be manipulated as easily as any mundane’s. All he’d had to do was dangle Magnus’s lost magic before him like the most persuasive carrot and his son had completed a little mission for dear old dad, leaping through the fires of the damned a second time in as many months.

He’s had Magnus in Edom for several days and he’s greedily watched as Magnus’s spirit had plummeted hour by hour until he was left in his room, pitiful and pathetic.

The shadowhunters are chasing their tails in the city. Magnus’s boyfriend is beside himself and it’s been an amusing diversion to watch as Alexander runs himself into the ground trying to find where Magnus had gone.

Everyone around him has started suggesting that it might be time to give up the search. It will be interesting to see how long it takes for Alexander to follow suit.

Asmodeus can already picture telling Magnus-- showing him-- that his lover had given up on him. Yet another fickle human unworthy of his son.

They’re all the same, honestly. Asmodeus wonders if this time, Magnus will listen to him, if he’ll understand that his father is his one constant, the only person who loves him and will love him through the passing centuries.

Magnus was a fighter, he’d give his son that.

No one understands a father’s love, Asmodeus muses. No one can understand the depth of feeling, the pride that is just as easily displaced with bitterness. Asmodeus will always welcome Magnus to Edom with open arms and his vision of the future has never wavered-- Magnus at his side as they rule together.

A legacy that strikes fear and respect and admiration and awe in the hearts of demons and mortals alike.

At first, Magnus had been furious at the perceived betrayal. Asmodeus had returned his magic to him-- what lost was so easily regained-- and locked him in his old suite in Edom until he’d seen reason. He’d watched as Magnus had been consumed with fury as he’d searched feverishly for an escape.

He’d watched as Magnus’s shoulders had slumped as he hadn’t found anything, as the days had passed and he’d remained trapped. It was for his own good and Asmodeus knows that he’ll come around eventually, that all will be forgiven as soon as Magnus realizes just how much Asmodeus loves him.

Taking a step back, Asmodeus waves away the viewing window and turns on his heel.

Magnus is breaking but he isn’t broken yet. His thoughts fill with ideas as Asmodeus walks away from his son without a backwards glance.

Magnus barely looks up as the doorknob turns.

He’s angry but it’s distant. His goddamn father always has another trick up his sleeve and Magnus will never fucking learn that apples from Asmodeus are poisoned to the core.

He’d naively thought that he could regain his magic if only he completed a little mission for Asmodeus. But he’s stuck here, in this filthy ruin of a castle.

He’s sworn time and time again that he wouldn’t return to Edom, that he’d walk away from his father and never come back but here he is like a fucking fool, playing right into Asmodeus’s hand.

It’s galling. It makes bile rise in his throat.

Magnus is stuck here until he can find a way to escape. The days have started blending together and he’s tired. It seems like Edom saps the soul right from his body. His dreams are plagued with nightmares and his thoughts turn to Alec whenever the darkness is particularly heavy.

Alec is his lighthouse in the thunderstorm. When things get too hard, when the nightmares leave him gasping and sweating, he thinks of his boyfriend.

He wonders what Alec’s doing now. He wonders how Alec’s doing. Hopefully, he’s taking care of himself and Magnus desperately hopes that Alec knows where he is.

After all, he was only supposed to be gone for an afternoon. Like an idiot, he hadn’t told anyone where he was going and his appointment book only has the ever helpful client designation in the time slot.

“Magnus?”

Magnus blinks slowly before it registers who’d just spoken and then he’s sitting up so fast he’s dizzy.

Alec is standing in the doorway.

Alexander.

His expression is grim but Magnus sees emotion in those lovely hazel eyes. Alec’s gaze is watchful, ever the soldier, as he takes a look into the corridor before focusing back in on the room.

His bow is ready in his hand and he takes a single step inside. Magnus cringes a little as Alec studies him, eyes sweeping from head to toe. He knows that he’s a sight for sore eyes and he wishes that he could look better for Alec, even if the thought is ludicrous right now.

“Are you alright?”

Alec’s tone is curt but Magnus tells himself that Alec’s just hypervigilant right now. For heaven’s sake, the man has stormed hell to save him. Now wasn’t the time for grand declarations.

Standing, Magnus straightens his shirt. It’s both a nervous tic and an attempt to look not quite as ghastly as he’s sure he does.

Alec doesn’t seem to notice.

“I’m better now that you’ve arrived, darling. Where are the others?”

“The others,” Alec asks, frowning for a moment before his expression smooths out.

Magnus stares at him, incredulous. “Don’t tell me that you’ve come here by yourself, Alec. As happy as I am to see you, I don’t want you pulling hare-brained schemes in an attempt to rescue me.”

“I’m your boyfriend,” Alec says, shaking his head impatiently. “It’s my job to protect you.”

Something about his tone is off but Magnus can’t put a finger on it. The words are halting, frozen. They don’t fill Magnus with the warmth he’d ordinarily feel and it’s jarring.

Chalking it up to the trauma of Edom, Magnus walks toward Alec, smiling. “I assure you, Alexander, I very much appreciate this mission but let’s not be hasty. I don’t need protection. I think you’ll agree that Asmodeus is a particularly vile devil and that these are extenuating circumstances.”

Clenching the bow, Alec’s shoulders are rigid as he replies, “I don’t think you know who you need protection from.”

Magnus rears back as though he’s been slapped. “Excuse me.”

Grabbing his hand, Alec pulls him closer. His grip hurts and Magnus has to fight his instinct to pull out of the hold.

“You think your father’s the devil incarnate but he saved you from starvation, from filthy streets and certain death. His power runs through your body. He’s given you everything you could wish for and more. He lauded you over his other children and this is how you repay him? You sicken me.”

Magnus chokes on a breath as he stares into Alec’s eyes. The grip has turned punishing and he feels bone grind against bone as a dull ache starts in his wrist.

“What,” he whispers. Swallowing painfully, Magnus bites his tongue. He hopes the pain will clear his head or awaken him if this is yet another nightmare but it doesn’t do anything, it doesn’t change anything and Magnus is left standing in front of Alec as confusion and dread swirl around him.

“I don’t love you,” Alec says coldly. “You were a convenience, a way to test the waters but I’m tiring of you. Do you really think that a shadowhunter could want a warlock, could love something half-demon? Did you think I could? Yeah,” Alec says softly as his nails dig into the softness of Magnus’s skin, leaving bruising crescents in their wake. “I bet you did. And that makes you stupid as well as weak.”

His stomach turns and it’s all Magnus can do to swallow the bile that scalds his throat. The words pierce him, splintering his heart into a thousand pieces before crumbling it to dust.

“Alexander,” he mutters hoarsely. “I don’t--”

Before he can finish the sentence, something’s happening. Alec’s face blurs, morphs. His body changes, leans out as thin fingers dig into him.

And then it’s not Alec standing in front of him but Asmodeus.

Everything crashes down on Magnus in an instant. It’s a burden that bows his shoulders, that makes them tremble as he tries to keep his knees from buckling at the realization that Alec was never with him, that escape is as far away as ever.

“You bastard,” Magnus hisses and recoils as Asmodeus smiles warmly.

“You’re welcome, son.”

Biting back a retort, Magnus can only ask, “What are you talking about? Why the hell should I be thanking you for pulling such a heinous stunt?”

“You think that was a stunt?” Asmodeus’s mouth forms a moue of distress. “That was a lesson, my boy. Alexander Lightwood is the latest in a long line of self-righteous shadowhunters who think it sport to hunt our kind. You are nothing to him but a willing body and it pains me to see you sink so low. You need help, Magnus.”

“And what,” Magnus bites out. “I’m supposed to believe that you’re the kind of help I need?”

“I’m your father, boy. I’ve only ever had your best interests at heart. Forget about Lightwood and come home. Return to my side and we will forget about mortals who are beneath us, who could be so easily crushed under the heel of our boot. You’re made for better things, bigger things, than to degrade yourself with a shadowhunter and pander to people who will never know the kind of power you possess-- and would condemn you if they ever found out.”

“No,” Magnus says. “I will never forsake everything that makes me human just to turn into you. I made that clear centuries ago and that will never change, not as long as there’s a heart beating in my chest.”

Asmodeus doesn’t say anything for a moment, studying Magnus with eyes that make Magnus’s skin crawl. Alec might love them, might’ve tried his damnedest to make Magnus love them, but every time he looks into his unglamoured gaze, Magnus is reminded of his father and of a past that haunts him, even after centuries.

“We’ll see about that,” Asmodeus finally says. “Sooner or later, we all must return to the houses of our fathers. You’re lucky that yours is so benevolent, Magnus. I know it will take time for you to come around.”

He steps closer and Magnus stands still through sheer force of will as his father tilts his head up with a finger under his chin.

“Lucky for us both then that we have all the time in the world, isn’t it?”

With that, he turns on his heel and leaves as suddenly as he’d arrived. Magnus stumbles back as the door closes and sags onto the bed. It feels like he collapses in on himself as he bends over, burying his head between his knees and trying to get his breathing under control.

God damn Asmodeus for wearing Alec’s face and damn him for believing it.

“Jesus Christ,” Magnus whispers, throat working as he gasps out a breath. He’s shivering, cold even in the infinite warmth of Edom.

He knows-- damn him, he knows-- that Alec didn’t say those words, that Alec hadn’t flung those vile words at him.

He can’t stop repeating them, though.

I don’t love you.

Did you really think that I could love a demon?

Burying his hands in his hair, Magnus grabs fistfuls and pulls until his scalps stings, until the pain clears the fog.

Edom is nothing but tricks, but smoke and mirrors, and Magnus has been away for far too long-- yet never long enough-- if he’s forgotten that painfully learned lesson.

Alec’s out there and he’s looking for Magnus. Magnus needs to remember that, to believe it, otherwise he’ll go insane and when Alec really does find him, there will be nothing of worth to bring back.

Magnus crawls into bed and lays on his side, tense as if waiting for another blow, this one fatal.

He’s still in the quiet of the room, all of his thoughts focused on Alec, on the love that burns bright between them. It will be his saving grace, that much Magnus knows without a shadow of a doubt. He plans and he plots but Asmodeus won't let him go so easily again and Magnus despairs of finding a way out without help.

His boyfriend’s voice is a soothing background in his mind as Magnus stares at the chipped, ruined paint of his bedroom wall.

There’s something dark lingering under the surface, though. Magnus tries to ignore it but it seems to spread like ink on parchment.

It stains his heart even as he fights against it.

Asmodeus watches as Magnus breaks a little more over the next weeks. The next time he’d masqueraded as Alec, Magnus had fallen for it again.

Along with the time after that, and the time after that.

He’d watched the light go out a little more each time Magnus’s hopes were dashed. Every time he heard Alec denounce him, reject him, Magnus grew a little smaller, his eyes a little more hollow.

Remembering Magnus’s vow-- not as long as there’s a heart beating in my chest-- Asmodeus works, slowly, painstakingly, to grind the offensive sentiment into dust.

By the time Asmodeus is done with him, love will be an anathema to Magnus. All that will be left will be power and strength and a duty to his father.

Asmodeus loves Magnus but he doesn’t need that love returned. No, he just needs Magnus with him. Whatever that takes, Asmodeus is more than willing to do.

With that thought in mind, Asmodeus closes the window on Magnus, who was babbling to his imaginary love about Tokyo of all things.

It’s less than a thought to shift form into Alexander as Asmodeus reaches for the door to Magnus’s quarters.

By all the demons in hell, Asmodeus will break Magnus if it’s the last thing he does.

There is no escape. There is no respite.

Magnus is his and it’s time that the world remembered that-- that his son remembered that it was him, Asmodeus, who was responsible for his very existence.

Opening the door, Alec is greeted with a dull stare. Magnus tries his best to ignore him but like a moth to a candle, he’s pulled into the scene for the dozenth time, hope flaring bright before being mercilessly crushed.

Alexander will be Magnus’s downfall.

Asmodeus will make sure of it.

[waitmyturtles]

I’m allowing myself to indulge in a few spoiler gifsets of the last episode of The Eclipse before I watch it tonight, and oooooomgggggg I can’t WAAAAIIIITTTTTTT. CAN’T. WAIT.!.!.!.

To wile away the time before the kids are in bed, I’ll take quick note of a new/old dorama I’ve picked up, another one in the Machida Keita rabbithole:

So I complained a bit during my Three Star Bar review that I think some of Machida’s projects are underutilizing his acting ability (and it looks like there are some serious duds on the list, like a show about him switching identities with his grandmother??), which is unfortunate, because if the gateway to his work, as it was for me, was Cherry Magic, then we were seriously spoiled with a rock solid and wide-ranging performance. I wonder if there’s analysis out there about BL projects being ones that really push actors to move beyond their usual range limits -- I certainly feel that way about Takeda Kouhei in Old Fashion Cupcake now that I’m seeing him in a much more limited role in Banshaku no Ryuugi, and I know he was with our darling Akaso Eiji in a Kamen Rider series. I probably need to watch more BL projects to make that judgement overall, but I’ll just make the assumption for now that BL pushes otherwise pigeonholed actors to dive into material that’s well outside their usual range (with a probable exception being Kinou Nani Tabeta, with Nishijima Hidetoshi and Uchino Seiyou being ridiculously talented in anything they do).

Okay, so anyway, with this dang rabbithole, I’m plodding through Super Rich, and I watched Three Star Bar, and I indulgently (shower scenes) and patiently (fake crying) got through Teppachi!, and these shows are fine, but certainly not showcases for any sort of boundary-pushing creativity. The material is either steady or light, and the acting required is relatively pedestrian. (Although Akaso Eiji does make Super Rich watchable, the plot is just pretty slow and unexciting.)

In other words, if Machida is pigeonholed into a straight-guy-in-a-straight-role situation, you’re just not gonna see much by way of his real ability to act rangefully (allow me this word, ha).

So recently, my Tumblr dash highlighted a post from the “Based off the tags you follow!” algorithm (why the exclamation point, Tumblr?), and it was a very short review of a 2018 NHK show called “Life as a Girl,” which stars Shison Jun as an utterly fabulous transgender woman named Ogawa Miki, and Machida as her former high school classmate, who ends up living with Miki while he gets out of debt. And the review piqued my interest because it basically said, WATCH THIS, and Machida plays a himbo, and well, THAT’S gonna get me curious, because what the hell does that mean?

And this is SUCH. A. GOOD. SHOW. A SERIOUSLY GOOD SHOW. 

I’m only on episode two, and there are only four episodes, which I already know is a damn shame, but sometimes NHK does this thing where they get CRAZY creative for a really short series. And surprisingly, for a show that has a transgender main character, NHK aired this on Friday nights at 10 pm, which is not the usual midnight slot that other Japanese channels give to shows of boundary-pushing material. The episodes are 45 minutes each, allowing the plot and characters to really wind their way through complicated scenarios, like group blind dates and realizations about insecurity.

I’ll do a bigger review once I finish this, but essentially, NHK and the writers of this show do not allow any making fun of Miki, except when certain men ask her if she’s “cut her thing off,” which allows for a touch of a comedic element about gender-based issues that’s then almost immediately batted down by Miki, who loudly retorts about how rude those kinds of comments are. I honestly would have expected NHK to have demanded a more comedic approach to this material, but it is treated utterly seriously and with compassion.

So, Machida, himbo? More than that (although yes, there are himbo elements). First off -- he plays a comedic character, acting essentially as a foil to Miki’s serious commitment to her life decision to live as a woman. In essence, his comedy is rooted in how Miki sees cishet men as generally ridiculous. She has not had any surgery yet, and has been living as a woman for a number of years by the time we meet her.

When Machida’s character, Goto, meets her, he’s in need of a place to stay, and is unsurprisingly surprised to see his formerly male classmate as a woman. He’s a bumbling guy, having gone into debt after an ex-girlfriend dumped him. 

As the comedic foil, Machida is PERFECT -- hilarious, well-timed, goofy, physically engaged. But, he also shows that glimmer of deep compassion, concern, and attention that we saw subsequently in abundance in Cherry Magic, with his Goto paying attention to the fact that Miki is actually suffering from extreme loneliness in contemplating her life as a lesbian who wants to find a partner who is okay with her current state of transition. And in Kobe, where the show is set, that arrangement is complicated to find. 

This has gotten way longer than I expected, so I promise I’ll do a full review once I finish this short series (after The Eclipse and the latest episode of Silent), but once again, Tumblr was right, and I’m glad I went on this side road of the Machida rabbithole to find this show. (And then I’ll get back to Super Rich, gosh darn it, I WILL finish that show.) Life as a Girl makes me LOVE NHK, because while TV Tokyo really owns the boundary-pushing edgy corner of Japanese television (KNT, CM, etc.), NHK invests and muscles it way in at times, and I’m thrilled that NHK supported this material as Japan’s biggest broadcaster. (ALSO: I don’t think I’ve seen Shison Jun in any doramas yet, but holy shit, HIS performance kills. So much more to say about this once I finish the series!)

[emcscared-whumps]

Ok I just have some Thoughts tonight about my taste in whump, and uh, I wanted to talk about it a bit in the whump space rather than my poor friend's dm lol (hi!!)

I was wondering if anyone else is also like this, or if it's just me (details in the rest of this accidentally long post lol). If you have a moment spare, please leave your thoughts in the notes/tags ^-^

So, as I have mentioned maybe a couple of times before on this blog, probably not many times (idk), that I'm actually suuuuper super squeamish

As in,

I could cut my finger a bit and actually pass out, and have done before (from a mere prick to my thumb) ^-^'

There's the context, now back to the point

It took me a while to ever figure out that I was ever into whump despite liking many shows that are generally considered whumpy in this community, like Daredevil or various other superhero movies and shows and stuff. I was probably about 17 when I first figured out "whump" was the word from it (from Tumblr posts reposted to Pinterest), then it took a little while after that to seek it out (as I was still in school suffering)

But, most of what I'd watched that was whumpy were live action/thriller/sci-fi movies, which, don't get me wrong, are still likable and enojyable to me!

Just not all that whumpy

But as soon as I started watching anime of similar genres, well, that's where it got interesting (whumpy, lmao)

But I think tonight really pointed out to me that "yeah, yeah I was right about thinking my preference was for animated/drawn/written whump"

So, Back In The Day, when I was at highschool (years 7 (12yo's) to 12 (17yo's) btw, I was maybe 14/15 at the time...?), there was an anime club hosted by my Japanese language teachers. It was pretty cool, but somehow, they managed to get away with putting on a good chunk of Tokyo Goul

I don't know HOW, but they did lmao

And I thought it was a very neat anime

I was very invested in little Kaneki and found his suffering immensely entertaining (I looooove the turned "monster" (or creature) trope), so that first couple of episodes left an impression on me

Now, the fun thing was that the club was during one of the lunch breaks, so, if you didn't want to starve in fourth and fith periods, you needed to eat something while watching the anime

Cool!

Except, apparently, for most people while watching Tokyo Goul lmao, and that's understandable because it was Very Bloody and heavy on the screams ^-^

Surprisingly enough, I did not have an issue, and I mucnhed away on my bikkies and sammies peacefully watching Kaneki's shit get wrecked

Tonight though. Yeah, that was a time.

My parents are currently watching Mr. Mercedes (the Netflix adaption I believe), in the dining room together, so VAGUE SPOILERS FOR MR. MERCEDES AHEAD, because this involves it

It's dinner time, I'm also at the dining table watching idly while texting and eating dinner, and this poor poor lady dies of arsenic poisoning, very graphically

And it was just awful to see, genuinely sickening and it really, really made it tough to eat, I had to slow down because I was pretty fucking squicked out... very... Yeah I felt a bit sick in the stomach

I mean, props to the actors and actresses and all the special effects/makeup/props artists and everyone involved because it was incredibly convincing and well performed

But FUCK it was gruesome

And it made me remember how icky I can find some live action whump gif sets and stuff like that, and it's solidified in my mind as perhaps something to avoid

I remember this one gifset of a knife getting trailed across someone's skin, not cutting, but the way it caught set my skin absolutely crawling

Ah, it's a bit of a long read, but! Thanks if you got to the end!

But yeah, I'd love to know if it's just me, or if other people are like this ^-^' Because live action whump is very popular and I feel like everyone here likes it in some (whumpy) capacity lol

[backslashdelta]

Gifs Masterpost

Some gifsets might show up in a couple of places if they fit in multiple categories. I try to update this list regularly, but you can always check out my gifs tag to see if there is anything new.

Glee

Characters

Kurt Hummel

Kurt Hummel in every episode

Porcelain - Marianas Trench

Kurt’s prom outfit

Kurt + shaking boys' hands when he meets them

Kurt in Fashion Hero, a fashion design competition TV show

White woMan's Instagram - Bo Burnham

Kurt Hummel + his soulmates

Spotlight (Oh Nostalgia) - Patrick Stump

Do It For Him

Porcelain - Marianas Trench

Kurt Hummel my beloved

Sebastian Smythe

Sebastian as Warbler captain

(Fic: ACITW) Beautiful, Dirty, Rich - Lady Gaga

I Bet You Think About Me - Taylor Swift

Do It For Him

Sebastian Smythe my beloved

David Karofsky

Boys - Lizzo

OUTRUN MYSELF - Jack Kays ft. Travis Barker

I Wanna Get Better - Bleachers

Blaine Anderson

(Fic: ATOG) Reasons to move to New York city

Do It For Him

Noah Puckerman

The Archer - Taylor Swift

Noah Puckerman and all of his solos

Other

Lauren Zizes + extracurriculars

Becky Jackson’s war on xylophones

Things To Never Say To Someone Who Just Came Out

Rachel Berry / Eat Your Salad -  Citi Zēni

Tina as Prom Queen in 5x02

Hunter Clarington / Not Even Remotely Bi-curious

Elliott Gilbert my beloved

Ships/Groups

Klaine

Every Klaine duet

I’m with stupid/I’m stupid

Disloyal Order of Water Buffaloes - Fall Out Boy

Friends In Low Places Netflix series

Come What May

Kurt and Blaine in The Hurt Locker, Part 2

Klaine proposal, blue/yellow moon/sun

Louder Than Words - tick, tick...BOOM!

Come to Your Senses - tick, tick...BOOM!

Right Where You Left Me - Taylor Swift

Heal Me - Snow Patrol

I Lost a Friend - FINNEAS

What If This Is All The Love You Ever Get? - Snow Patrol

(Fic: Solid Gold) Solid Gold - Tom Chaplin

Red - Taylor Swift

Solid Gold - Tom Chaplin

First kiss and Kurt's hands

Oh god no. No more candles.

Kurtbastian

(Fic: ACITW) as a novel

willow - Taylor Swift

Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve - Taylor Swift

A Matter of Distance as a Netflix show

Cruel Summer - Taylor Swift

cardigan - Taylor Swift

Mr. Brightside - The Killers (inspired by It Was Only A Kiss)

(Fic: ACITW) Summerboy - Lady Gaga

(Fic: ACITW) Fourth of July - Fall Out Boy

illicit affairs - Taylor Swift 

The Name of the Game - ABBA

Gorgeous - Taylor Swift

(Fic: ACITW) Begin Again - Taylor Swift

Look What You Made Me Do - Taylor Swift

All Too Well - Taylor Swift

Sebklaine

High Infidelity - Taylor Swift

I could fix him/make him worse/rail him

And Why Is That?

Night at Scandals

Other

Puck+Sam / How many tennis balls?

Season 2 (collab)

Klaine + Kadam / performing for Kurt

Sill / Hump Day (old version)

Pizes in Original Song

Kurtofsky / Prom King and Queen

Worst rated songs in the Glee Soundtrack Rating Project

Submissions to the Glee Playlist Project

Kelliott Google edit

Quinntana / august - Taylor Swift

Kelliott edit

Hudmels before and after Finn's death

Seblaine / cardigan - Taylor Swift

Walter is Sebastian’s Dad AU

Jesse/Finn/Brody / betray, belittle, boytoy

St Sambastian / manipulate, mansplain, malewife (+ bonus manslaughter)

Sebkelliott / bestie, beloved, bastard

New Directions / "This is your Glee club..."

Hevans / The World Has Its Shine (But I Would Drop It On A Dime For You) - Cobra Starship

Quinntana / Shake Tramp - Marianas Trench

Pucktana with sparklers in 6x02

The Scientist

Klaine x Kadam / Only The Lonely Survive - Marianas Trench

Edge of Glory

Other Fandoms

Fall Out Boy’s **** Live in Phoenix - Gabe Saporta

Fall Out Boy’s **** Live in Phoenix - Grand Theft Autumn/Where Is Your Boy Tonight

Klaine x Gallavich kiss compilation

Klaine x Gallavich / proposal and wedding parallels

Barry Allen dancing

Fringe Intro

[theyarebothgunshot]

PLEASE elaborate on the jensen and jdm thing ajshdjdj i do Not have the energy to dig it up😭

nonnie how is it fair that you are making me dig through this again just because you are tired what am i, a robot??? sjdfhjshf 

okay well. since you asked and since i apparently cannot shut the hell up, here we go. everybody look away...

the rumor is that jensen and jdm hooked up early s1, and back in the day there was somebody who claimed they were ‘in the know’ (although i always take that with a grain of salt) and they said that it was true. 

i watched all of their panels when i heard that rumor and i gotta say, i did notice that jensen looks at him in a certain way that comes close to how he looks at misha. there is something about how he carries himself with him, as if he is almost as carefree as with misha. it’s pretty fascinating. and jdm clearly adores him too. 

they flirt a LOT. mostly on social media but one time there was this fucking interview as well that is honestly very sus. 

jensen and danneel once joined jdm and hillarie during their show and told the story about how jensen introduced jdm and hillarie. apparently jensen texted jdm when he was in a bar with danneel and hillarie (who was staying at the ackles’ at the time) and after a few rounds of drinks they went back to jdm’s place i believe, and jensen and danneel watched them make out on a car?? lmao so yeah you could easily see how they uhh might have had a fun night all together. 

i watched an itw of jdm with craig ferguson where he implied that he has fooled around with guys (sorry but i refuse to look through all the itws again to be able to link it, just trust me on this one lmao)

i am editing to say that besides all of this, there is also the fact that jdm was in only a handful of episodes in the first two years of a 15 year long running show, and yet he got so close to jensen that they got matching tattoos and jensen officiated his wedding and they can never shut up about each other and whenever somebody asked jensen who he would bring back to the show if he could, the answer was always jdm. i mean.

okay fuck it one more edit to say that i once saw a gifset of misha meeting jdm at a convention and misha looked HELLA nervous in a ‘meeting the ex’ kind of way sjfhjsd it was super funny.

anyways yeah that’s as far as i am willing to dig tonight, don’t say i never do anything for you

[justalittlebluetiefling]

After tonight, how do you think Jester's feeling? Honestly, I wasn't so sure before, but after their conversation, I'm again very certain Fjord is the one she has feelings for

All right, anon. This is a fun question for me, because we talk about Fjord’s feelings a lot, but not Jester’s. I’m going to say a few things that I never thought I’d say in this ask. For example: Fjord’s feelings have been much more obvious in the last 60 episodes than Jester’s have been. If you had told me I would say that 100 episodes ago, I would have laughed so hard. But here we are.

TLDR? Jester’s in love with Fjord and has been for a while. I’ve been going off about this occasionally since her second playlist was released. But that is what really convinced me that she had moved from ‘crush’ into ‘love’. And episode 117 helped me be even more confident in saying that.

I also wanted to put some episode 117 receipts in here, but tags in Tumblr are tricky sometimes, so I just made a companion gifset instead. (If this link messes with the tags, I’ll take it out and put it in a reblog.)

Anyway. Let’s get a cut in here so I can get carried away with the why. 2436 words of carried away.

So, like I mentioned above, Fjord’s feelings have been much more obvious than Jester’s lately. For a while, I guess. Pardon me while I just quote Laura from Talks for second. And that’s mostly because Jester backed off when she thought her advances were unappreciated. It was all part of Jester realizing that smut novels aren’t what real relationships are like. A very integral part of her development and how she’s more than her crush(es). 

The funny thing about all this... I think about this sometimes... is how Fjord didn’t actually not appreciate it. He’s just got low wisdom and didn’t realize that it meant that she like-likes him. He thought they were just goofing off. Because. Sorry, I’m briefly hopping into Fjord meta and then I’ll hop right back, I promise. But yeah. He thought they were just goofing off and I’m realizing as I type this paragraph that it never occurred to him, because “You know when someone makes you feel a way that you don't think you have any right to feel or you never thought that you might?”. Yeah. So, it wasn’t just his low wisdom. It just didn’t occur to him, because he didn’t think that he deserved to feel that way about anyone or have anyone feel that way about him. Okay. Hopping back now.

The other hilarious thing about this is that things between them weren’t awkward until she backed off and stopped overtly flirting. Which also correlates with the end of the pirate arc and how Beau, during that arc, pointed out to Fjord that Jester was jealous of Avantika.

But yeah. Jester backed off, which really threw their relationship into a whole new dynamic. I have a lot more complicated and layered feelings on the pirate arc that require a rewatch for me to properly articulate, but we know that Jester was scared during this time. She was a little scared that she didn’t really know Fjord (Re: Somebody Else being on her first playlist). But that was only temporary. That whole time made Jester start to question her feelings for Fjord. Which in turn made most of the fandom start to question them as well. But I do think that she eventually landed on “my friendship with him is more important to me than a potential relationship and if I keep acting like this, I’m going to lose him”. This is partially her realizing that life isn’t a romance novel, but I think it is also a direct result of her realizing how uncomfortable he was with the idea of being used as bait to distract Avantika. He did it, but he was not comfortable the whole time they talked about it. 

But also, Fjord was her first real friend outside of Artagan. He trusted her right away with things he didn’t tell anyone else in their group for months. She knew he was hiding his accent. She knew what happened on the Tide’s Breath. He told her before he told anyone else about how he lost his powers. They promised to protect each other and help each other on their way to their individual goals and they’re still holding up that promise every day.

ANYWAY I’M GETTING DISTRACTED I’M SORRY.

Okay, where are her feelings now. Now. She’s in love with him. When she backed off from the flirting and started focusing on just being there as a friend, it deepened their relationship. I mean, to be fair, it was already pretty deep. I promise I’m not getting off track this time, but he really did tell her things he told no one else. Sometimes it takes him longer to get around to it, because of the group, but he always ends up telling Jester everything. And that opens the door for Jester to be open with him, too, in a way that she isn’t with anyone else. 

I mean, okay. Gosh. How do I even word this? 

Jester doesn’t actively seek anyone out to talk about her feelings. There are two times I can think of off the top of my head that she’s broached the subject first. One: when she was looking for Beau and ended up talking to Veth about how she felt about the kiss that wasn’t a kiss. And Two: the Jellyfish talk, when she asked Fjord if he ever gets sad. But Jester keeps everything buried pretty deeply. So, the fact that Fjord is constantly going out of his way to ask her if she’s okay and the fact that he pulled her aside to tell her that if she ever needs to talk, she can talk to him. That’s a huge deal. And I think she’s still scared to take him up on it, because on top of all these things is that layer of awkwardness. Fjord and Jester are just awkward with each other right now. And their feelings for each other are what makes it awkward.

If the awkwardness was one-sided and only coming from Fjord, I’d say that her feelings had gone away. But it’s not. It’s always two-sided. There’s so much tension in all of their conversations, because while they talk about everything else, there’s one thing they haven’t talked about. Or... I guess it’s a couple things at this point. But they’ve never talked about the kiss that wasn’t a kiss. That’s what I mean specifically at this point. It’s just never been brought up. Which is so weird, because the other times (I think it’s two? Maybe it’s one. I’m doubting myself.) that Fjord’s saved Jester’s life with a potion, she brought it up. She made a production about it. But the kiss was different, because she didn’t know if it was a real kiss. I think she’s come around to it not being a real kiss, but it’s got to still bug her. 

But that’s planted this seed of awkwardness in all their solo interactions that hasn’t gone away. Jester’s been pushing her feelings for Fjord aside. Or trying to. But he keeps doing things that make her have hope again and it’s getting to a point that she can’t ignore that feeling. Like... He wanted her to be the one to go with him into the wreckage of the Tide’s Breath. The whole day after the blue dragon encounter, he was hovering. He wanted her to have a potion so that she could be safe and he said that he wasn’t being awkward he was disarming her. He dove off the side of a tree when she fell to save her. He tells her how much her help has meant to him in Kravaraad. He makes sure they go visit her dad. He runs after her to go rescue her mama and then he tells her that he’ll wear a stupid hat if she wants him to and that she looks lovely while implying that he’d like to look at her in that dress all the time. And then he asks her if she’d like to get dinner with him instead of go look for their friends. AND THEN he tells her that he likes it when she’s feeling his stomach looking for the orb. He was constantly checking in with her during Travlercon to make sure she was safe and comfortable. He launched himself into the air over an active volcano and begged her to let go and stay with them. AND TO MAKE MATTERS MORE CONFUSING FOR HER. He hugged her twice and then he willingly danced with her even though he didn’t know how AND THEN he gave her this tiny unicorn statue, because he knows how much she loves things like that. And now he’s given her the necklace that was meant to protect him, because he’s more concerned about her safety than his own. He told her that he’s having a hard time focusing on his future, because his past keeps getting in the way and he wants to deal with that before........ AND THEN HE SAYS he’s going to be thinking about how she helped him all night.

LIKE.

I got a little carried away again, sorry.

Here’s the deal.

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again. There has been nothing in canon to make me think that Jester’s feelings have gone away. Everything I can see implies that they’ve deepened. But she’s scared. She’s never really been in love before. It is absolutely terrifying (or it is for me) to admit when you’re in love. Especially when you don’t know if your feelings are reciprocated. Or if you think they’re unwanted. And she thought hers were unwanted. But she’s still been doing little things this whole time. She’s still shown signs of jealousy. She still thirsts over him, just not as openly as she did before. She gets super shy whenever they have one-on-ones and that makes her get awkward in the cutest way. Jester started to be careful with how she was around Fjord, but he’s been making it pretty clear that he doesn’t want her to be careful with him and I think she’s starting to realize that. It’s giving her hope that maybe her feelings are wanted. 

Also, the fact that there’s no in-between for these two? They’re either incredibly emotional when they talk to each other or incredibly awkward or BOTH. They are radiating “in love with your best friend” energy. The difference is that Fjord isn’t afraid of ruining the friendship and Jester is. Or... well... yeah. Actually, that’s what I mean. I think Jester’s coming around to not being afraid. She’s got hope again that they might be something more. And I think that hope is starting to be fun for her again instead of scary.

OKAY I’m almost done. I want to very briefly talk about that gifset that I made, because I made receipts for a reason, damn it. Let’s talk ONLY about the conversation in 117.

Gif 1: This one is right after this exchange. Jester: I mean... it's worth a try. He's met all of us, so he could potentially scry on anyone, I guess, now. But maybe it'll keep me from being seen if I scry on him. I don't know how it all works. // Fjord: I guess we'd find out the next time we did it. // Jester: Yeah. Like, she looks down at the necklace and just smiles, because Fjord has literally just told her that his safety doesn’t matter as much as hers. Fjord went out of his way to do this thing for her and she just looks so touched.

Gifs 2 and 3: These are both just Jester laughing over Fjord talking about her face when she’s scrying. They’re goofing off and being silly. And gif 3 in particular is just... again. She’s having fun! With Fjord! And she likes that. 

Gif 4: Jester just asked Fjord “how are you?” and he started up with that big, goofy grin. And she can’t even get through calling her question stupid without smiling. Like, she’s reacting to his smile. And it’s kind of funny, because I think she doesn’t understand why he’s smiling so much in that moment, but she still can’t help but smile back.

Gif 5: I feel like I need to close all of that before.... That’s such an interesting reaction and SO TELLING. Like, that small smile and then she kind of takes a breath and then she still can’t not smile over it. SHE KNOWS. She really hopes that it means what she wants it to mean. And she wants it to mean something. 

Gif 6: She’s once again reacting to a Fjord smile. You can see the way the corners of her mouth keep trying to smile. Because Fjord is just touched and telling her that yeah, she should send a message to Kotho. And then it’s the things she’s doing with her hand there, too. She’s all nervous energy and can’t really hold still. There’s that hope again.

Gif 7: She’s SO HAPPY because she’s helping him. SO HAPPY. And again with the hands! So much nervous energy.

Gif 8: It's just a spell! It's easy to do. Again with the hands!!! I mean, okay. Speculation and projection. I’m aware. This is just something I do and I see it in Jester a lot. Where, she’s got to do something with her hands so they don’t do what she really wants them to. I mean, SERIOUSLY. And the way she smiles at him at the end of it. There’s a lot for her to process about this exchange and I think it’s starting to hit her. How much this means. What this might mean. And she’s happy. She’s excited.

Gif 9: I will think about that all night. Still the nervous energy. I won’t repeat that paragraph. But like. Fuck. Fjord told her that he was going to think about that all night. I kind of want to yell right now. In a good way. My heart just hurts in a good way over this moment. I can’t even speculate on her emotions here because that’s like... huge. There was so much tension here. Jester hasn’t had anyone say anything like this to her before. She doesn’t know how to react. And Fjord is also holding himself back. Uh, this is Fjord HOLDING HIMSELF BACK. What the fuck. I mean. Okay I have to move on. I have nothing productive to say here.

Gif 10: I guess I was wrong. This isn’t only about the conversation, but also about the moment later. Where he thinks she’s going to scry when she’s going to send and she realizes that he was going to do what she asked him to before. She is just so pleased that he intended to follow through. I choose to believe this is 100% what Jester’s face actually did in the moment. And I love this because it’s only awkward on Fjord’s end this time. Jester is just happy.

I’ve gotta end this thing, guys. Why are you even still listening to me ramble???

I guess what I ultimately want this whole answer to be: Jester’s in love with Fjord. Fjord makes her so happy. And she is starting to let herself hope that he’s in love with her, too. She can see the possibility of a future with him again and finally letting herself believe that it might happen. So, yeah. That’s where I think Jester’s feelings are. 

Hope you enjoyed my mini breakdown over Jester and how much Fjord’s support has meant to her! 

[thegeminisage]

oh boy it IS. tng update time. tonight, just under an hour ago, we finished watching "chain of command" parts i & ii. i'm not differentiating between them even though one had. WWWWAY more nudity than the other. hey did you guys know tng can occasionally pop the FUCK off

to me this episode felt like a backdoor pilot to ds9 which we will be doing tomorrow because it had cardassians in it and basically the only thing i know about ds9 is that gay cardassian that wants to fuck the doctor. and he's like the definition of the predatory gays/predatory gaze joke from what i have seen from gifs. so i was expecting like, some minor cardassian shenanigans and mild flirtiness

holy shit.

like girl when i tell you my tits got blown clean off

normally i complain there's too much downtime and technobabble in tng. there was not an OUNCE of fat on this episode. from start to finish we went at 500mph

like, we open with the guy taking away picard's command. and you're like oh no a demotion! but then it's COVERT OPS and also a suicide mission???

and the guy who takes over is a war-mongering bastard with a dubya accent idk how they predicted that in 1992 but GREAT job. i really loved to hate him, and one of my only nitpicks with this episode is that he didn't get more of what should have been coming to him

we acted this episode. will riker grinding his teeth every time he spoke to this guy. deanna's worried looks. beverly feeling guilty for leaving picard behind. i was actually complaining about patrick stewart not emoting when she was stuck in that little hole but now i understand. he had to save it for the FUCKING payload

ROLE REVERSAL FOR THE WOMEN. deanna got to wear a real uniform and beverly got to flirt her way out of a Situation. i love deanna's uniform, even if it is too tight around the chest. i think that's preferable to it being too tight around her crotch and leading to the horrific c*melt*e situation (sorry to say it like that). her hair also looked great this ep. so did bev's weirdly??? women's rights.

data didn't have much to do in this episode except accidentally give geordi more work which made me sad but it WAS wild to see him in a red shirt. i'll miss him until it's time to watch tng again

the little infiltration was charming. worf and beverly teasing each other about heights and bats. even the cave-in. picard getting left behind because worf tried to hold the door open like that guy in narnia and got SHOT.

i loved the guy who was doing the peace talks. he had the most unsettling horrific smile i've ever seen in my life. STAN a legend.

truly though even though i enjoyed the first half of the episode and thought it was solidly watchable the second half is what elevated it into mind blowing territory.

and like first of all it must be said: picard buck ass naked. computer show me image

i want you to imagine that you are 1. profoundly sleep deprived 2. have been complaining about the lack of sex in this show for six and a half seasons 3. do not find this man remotely physically attractive 4. AND the only thing you know about cardassians is gifsets of the guy from ds9 wanting to fuck the little doctor guy 5. you are PROFOUNDLY sleep deprived. only then can you imagine a fraction of the depths of my hysteria

i actually laughed so shrilly and loudly discord MUTED me cathy was like youve been silent for like 30 seconds are you still THERE. i laughed so hard i quite literally cried. we had to pause it for ten entire minutes. not even because it was funny i was just like. SHOCKED.

THEY REALLY WENT ALL IN ON THIS. it was like something out of a fanfic. a BAD fanfic. like those whump fics where guys get captured and made into sex slaves. EXCEPT PATRICK STEWART WAS ACTING!!!!! like it got SO SERIOUS so QUICK

i just now skimmed an article that said patrick stewart himself did research on torture and also went all in ie filming nude fr. the dedication came through in the work i wish tng could be like this always

bro like. the part where he could have walked out but thought bev was still captive. the part where he was was like YOU'RE SIX YEARS OLD AND YOU CAN'T HURT ME. when he got the torturer to call him by his real name. when he ate the live worms or whatever they were i couldn't look. when they got to talking about that guy's daughter. like we literally got the best of both worlds. picard reverse uno'd him at every turn and kept his wits about him and then in the end he BROKE ANYWAY

THERE ARE FOUR LIGHTS, BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!

i was like. oh my god.

listen to me when he said it i was a little disappointed. i could see in his face given another 30 seconds he would have said five. i said OUT LOUD to catherine they should have showed us a shot of five lights and then had him say four anyway. but him saying four defiantly was still so so so good

BUT THEN. AT THE END. when he was like. deanna. i said four, but i saw five

THAT'S THE THESIS STATEMENT OF THE EPISODE. THAT TORTURE DOESNT GIVE YOU INFORMATION JUST WHAT THE TORTURER WANTS YOU TO SAY

AND THEN THEY JUST ROLLED CREDITS.

AND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it's so wonderful-awful that that guy KNEW picard was getting release and STILL he felt the need to finish the conditioning, which i assume was meant to get picard to fake-confess to killing 55 men women and children like that one guy said. like, he didn't have time to record that confession. he JUST wanted to break him, and that was all. i bet he thinks about it all the fucking time. the one that got away.

again, i wish dubya knockoff hadn't been responsible for his release. i REALLY wanted riker to do a mutiny. but there just wasn't time. i am still glad riker got to give him shit but like we deserved more comeuppance truly bc he SUCKED SO BAD. also like lmaoooo at ANYONE saying starfleet is a science peaceful organization now. they're warmongers! they're no different from mirrorverse not really

aside from that though it was absolutely flawless. one of the best tng episodes possibly THE best tng episode. i feel so completely satisfied and also grateful that we will be watching ds9 next because going from this to another fucking barclay episode (the next tng one) would ruin me. i need TIME!!!

TOMORROW: ds9's "emissary," parts 1 & 2 !!!

we're going in release order, so now our watch schedule will look something like...

two at a time. that's gonna mess us up for "birthright" but we'll cope somehow

[wyyrmwood]

Havent seen the new wandavision episode because, like, I have a life and go to school so I've been avoiding spoilers pretty well and the first thing i see when I open this app is literally like 25 posts in a row of gifsets of the main plot points of the episode. I thought i could scroll past them all and get to my normal feed but no, there were so many. What the fuck is wrong with you all I hate this place I couldn't even have this one thing. I shouldn't be this upset but I was really looking forward to watching it tonight but guess what I dont need to anymore because someone spoiled the entire damn thing.

If you post content from episodes/movies the day after they air with like minimal, afterthought spoiler warnings or none at all then I hope your milk always goes bad the day before you need it.

[cilly-murphy]

Hi there, I’m a little bit at a loss for words so bear with me if you will, for I will not be eloquent, but I am once again the first-time-watching-Merlin-thanks-to-your-gifs-anon and I just wanted to let you know that I just finished the series tonight. I am just. Beyond words. It was so painful and terrible and perfect and I don’t mean to be overly dramatic but I feel changed somehow? I have many emotions and opinions and takes and I will not bore you with them, except for just one, because all along I was so terrified for the magic reveal that still hadn’t come yet (I thought it would come in season 4 at the latest wtf) and I knew my fear was definitely mostly because I was projecting my own coming out onto it and that went rather terrible when I had it and I was so scared because I wanted arthur to forgive Merlin so badly because I didn’t have that myself yknow? and then it came and at first I sobbed with grief and then with love and just everything and it was such catharsis and just... it felt so real to me, those last moments between them and how they could never truly hate each other, how they would always change for each other even in the hardest things and also how it can really feel when you believe in someone being such a good person but you have to put a lot of hard work in to make them understand that you’re not a monster yknow. And how scary that is and how hard, and how you’re never sure if you’ll be rewarded for it, even with acceptance. I have so much to say about this show and I will to many people but don’t worry, I won’t bother you with it, but I just really needed this show right now at this point in my life and I am heartbroken in the best way possible right now. Very very grateful. Very very sobbing, too. Sorry for the rant. Also I saw your response to my last ask and I agree with you so much on not wanting some perfect thing that won’t even stay with you!

Oh anon 😔😔😔 you made me kinda cry 😢i have gotten invested to your watch since you told me about it some time ago... i was thinking about how the ending would be for you. you are not dramatic at all to say this show has changed you. it was happened me too, and a huge amount of people. you can never escape bbc merlin, it will always be with you.This show resonated with so many people’s coming out stories and it helped them a lot. I am straight so i have no experience into this, but so many people see magic in this show as an lgbtq+ theme. Which i agree with to be honest.  I’m going to talk to you about my Merlin finale experience, maybe you can relate. It was a very different time for the fandom then, it was 2013. I had started to watch the show in december of 2012 but i didn’t have time to finish before the finale. Also i made this blog then, a tiny 15 year old with feels and shitty photoshop skills. I had watched like one season when the finale dropped. i knew everything that happened. But still, it became my fav show very fast and i made a promise to myself to watch one episode a week and gif it. To make it last you know. So i did. And the fateful day to watch 5x13 came. I knew everything, every single scene from the episode. From gifsets and fanvids and fanfics and all. But it wasn’t the same. It was August, i was alone at the house. I wasn’t ready for this but i knew i had to gif it. And then.... i died. And i’m dead ever since. And this episode mind you was shown on christmas eve. FUCKING CHRISTMAS EVE. As you can imagine, this episode destroyed an entire generation. Merlin was like top show in England then, the ratings were sky rocketing. It pisses me off when people who aren’t educated in that subject, keep saying Merlin was cancelled. MERLIN ENDED. MERLIN WAS SUPPOSED TO BE 5 SEASONS AND THEN IT RUN ITS TRUE COURSE. People are so used to shows being milked these days. It used to be different, shows ended when it mattered. Anyway!  Apart from the pain and the unsaid things and so much more, this ending made the show eternal. This open ending, that we can manipulate however we want with fics and content and never get tired of headcanons and crack and anything that comes into our head is amazing. I will live forever with this pain. It changed me forever, this show changed me forever. Anon you should come to me. I know what you’re going through right now and if you want to just vent or scream or say ANYTHING you want, i’m here. Dm me. I was the person that started this journey for you and i want to be here for you, if you would like me to. The pain will subside as time passes and you will see how amazing the fandom is. I’m glad i introduced you to this show and i’m glad for each person that that is watching it now. It’s truly one of a kind ❤️ 

[kyunsies]

My day was ok,, it was p chill cause it's the last "proper" day of school :')) the last 2 days are like extra help days, normally you just do attendance and log off cause everything is online. and yes I was able to nap! (multiple times haha) was a very good but I got my period today and woke up w some cramps :/ it's fine though I have a heating pad and used that to ease the pain. I'm gonna take it easy tonight!!

and yes the mx content we got today (+ this week lol) was v good!! loved watching clips of the boys doing karaoke,, kyun singing ;—;; he's gained a lot of confidence in that area :')) and I saw your gifset!! I love your colouring and sharpening style,,, they're v clean!! always wish I had more time to gif, I have a long list of ideas from older videos and I hope to make my way thru it :))) - 🌱

ooo i’m glad u had a chill day hun 🥺💖 again i’m so proud of you !!!! AND YES a nap really does wonders (although i never take naps ……… i can’t 😭) ; also i’m sorry to hear u got your period angel :( my first day is always a nightmare ask anyone here KDNJFF but i hope the heating pad was able to be of some relief :(

GOSH i can’t believe it was their last episode today :((((( i really did enjoy watching all of them, my favorite is just them doing karaoke it’s so funny !!! and i say this all the time i love listening to everyone sing but u can really tell kihyun probably just sings to himself around the dorms allllll day he just loves to sing and i love listening to him sing literally anything 🥺🥺 and yeah !!! changkyun’s voice is so nice tho …. it’s definitely not perfect but that’s what i love about it 💘💕💗💓💞💖 makes me proud to see how far he has come :( i love him :(

also THANK U for liking my gifs hun u have no idea how much that means to me <3 my 3x3 gif sets take me so long to do so I always hope ppl like them bc i really do take just about half of my evening after work making them 🥺 also I DIDNT KNOW U GIFFED OMG ????????????? that’s awesome !!! i hope u are able to catch up and make some cool things angel 🥰