#and the fact that it's so very very Anakin in his teaching method

[takadasaiko]

You lack conviction.

[kanansdume]

So, again, with the caveat that I am in no way saying Hayden Christensen doesn't deserve his time in the sun right now after all the shit he was put through, but I find it a tad frustrating that we got an ENTIRE EPISODE with Ahsoka meeting Anakin again in a Force vision/flashbacks in order to explore her feelings about him and the impact her relationship with him had on them both, but we've had one singular throw-away line mention of Kanan.

And I GET that it's the Ahsoka show, it's named after Ahsoka, not Sabine or Hera. But it's clearly also THEIR show, Sabine is the one going through the most obvious character journey on this show, to be perfectly honest, and we're getting almost as much of Hera as we are Ahsoka or Sabine.

Ahsoka spent 1.5-2 years with Anakin, AT MOST, before she left him and then spent like 15 years believing he was dead, 1 year trying to convince herself he was dead before he tried to kill her, and then another 7-8 years on her own before he ACTUALLY dies, and like 8ish years since then. Ahsoka spends SO MUCH of her life without Anakin around at all and building relationships with so many people OTHER than Anakin that her time with him feels so minuscule in comparison and yet it's all anybody ever looks at or wants to talk about.

Hera meets Kanan when she's a teenager, just off of Ryloth, and probably spends a good decade or more with him as partners in business and in life before he dies and she becomes the single mother of his child. Kanan is arguably the singular most important relationship in Hera's life for the majority the time that we've spent with her character and there is a very visible continued reminder of his impact on her life that will probably stay with her for even longer. And yet she hasn't even mentioned him ONCE. There's been no discussion of him with her son, no stories shared, no memories brought up. Even when Jacen is using the Force, neither of them brings up Kanan at all.

Sabine meets Kanan some time before Rebels starts, probably about a year or two prior, and so would've known him for about 5-6 years total before he dies. In that time, he becomes something of a father figure and mentor to her and helps train her every so often. It's KANAN who teaches her about mercy and patience, and it's KANAN who trains her in how to wield a blade, specifically a lightsaber. And yet, when we see Sabine training with a saber again on the Ahsoka show, Ahsoka attributes Sabine's skill to the fact that she's a Mandalorian rather than to her training with Kanan. Sabine is completely fucked up about the off-screen loss of her family and the desire to find Ezra, but never once is the loss of Kanan ever even mentioned. His impact on her life is nowhere to be found on this show. If you hadn't seen Rebels, you'd be forgiven for thinking Sabine had never even met Kanan in her life.

Ahsoka brings up Anakin several times before episode 5 and her ENTIRE ARC is about his impact on her life, but he's honestly such a small part of it. And in contrast, we've heard one person so far mention Kanan at all and it's Huyang, a character who never shared a scene with Kanan once, and Kanan's impact upon Hera, Sabine, and even Jacen is missing entirely. They never talk about missing him or how his loss continues to affect them and their relationships with other people. There's no mention of Sabine having trouble working with Ahsoka because she keeps comparing Ahsoka's methods to Kanan's or something like that. There's no flashbacks for Sabine or Hera about Kanan where we get to see Kanan in live action, too. Kanan is just left behind as completely unimportant to this plot or its characters, even though he was one of the MAIN CHARACTERS of Rebels.

And now that Ezra's back, Kanan's literal Padawan, hopefully we'll hear Kanan get mentioned at least once more, but I'm not holding my breath or counting on it at this point.

[antianakin]

Okay wait but this is actually a fun AU, I dunno why I didn't explore it earlier.

So Anakin has slightly more than .1% of a braincell and decides to ask Ahsoka to join him on Malachor instead of trying to kill her, and she says yes, on one condition: Palpatine dies. They both escape Malachor, no WBW shenanigans necessary, and they go kill Palpatine like good Sith apprentices do. But Anakin just takes his place as Emperor, and when Ahsoka tries to protest, he asks why she is suddenly so unfaithful, so disloyal, doesn't she LOVE him? This is what she asked for and he did it, now she has to become his apprentice like she promised she would. It works, and Ahsoka stays, becoming Darth Malis, right hand of Emperor Vader.

Darth Malis becomes much the same as what Darth Vader had been. She is the Emperor's weapon of mass destruction, the person who gets sent to strike fear in the hearts of the Emperor's enemies and eliminate any and all threats to people who would oppose him. She is meant to be the last face those people will probably ever see and a symbol of the might of the Empire. Ahsoka hates herself for what she is doing, she hates what she's become, but her attachment to Anakin is stronger than that hatred. She can't leave him again even if she wanted to try. She kills, she threatens, she tortures. She learns very quickly not to try to question Anakin on anything or she ends up getting tortured herself instead (Anakin learned this teaching method from the best after all and it was incredibly effective on him so he has no problems replicating it on his own student).

Anakin also decides to delegate pretty much everything he doesn't care about to Ahsoka, which includes everything and anything to do with the Death Star. But Anakin is really shit at this, so he forgets to actually specify to Ahsoka that he wants her to defund/destroy the Death Star, so she just... takes over what little managing Anakin was doing on the project and keeps it going but never reports anything to Anakin about it because he specified that he never wanted to hear about it ever again. Anakin DOES start getting in reports when Jedha and Scarif are destroyed, but he's kind-of shit at this whole Emperor thing and leaves most of the actual work to other people, so it's not until after Alderaan is destroyed that he starts picking up on some whispers going around and looks at his reports and calls up Ahsoka absolutely ENRAGED and demanding to know what the fuck is going on.

By this point, Obi-Wan, Luke, and Han have already made it onto the Death Star and escaped with Leia. Ahsoka is nowhere near as familiar with Obi-Wan or as powerful as Anakin was, so she doesn't really notice Obi-Wan's presence and focuses instead on trying to track down Han and Luke, which leaves Obi-Wan free to get back to the Falcon and reclaim it from the Empire before the rest of them show up. Ahsoka has to explain to Anakin not only is the Death Star project that he'd thought he'd destroyed years ago still going and the damn thing is in fact fully operational, but also they just lost a prisoner because his old pal Obi-Wan showed up and completely handed all of them their asses. Anakin only allows them to continue using the Death Star to take out Yavin 4 because at this point the only thing that can make this situation better is if the rebellion (and ideally Obi-Wan) is completely obliterated before he gives the order to FINALLY get rid of the stupid Death Star.

During the final battle, it's still Luke making the final shot on the Death Star and Ahsoka is out in a TIE fighter that gets hit before she can take out Luke, but she isn't knocked very far away and the Death Star's explosion manages to catch her downed ship, leaving her badly injured and stranded among the rubble. Obi-Wan can tell she's still alive out there and insists on going out to try to collect her and bring her back to the Rebellion to get medical assistance (a decision NOBODY likes, but that no one is willing to entirely refuse him over either since he's, you know, Obi-Wan Kenobi and he's saying it's the will of the Force or whatever).

Ahsoka lives, but she's pretty out of it for a while and very injured (the Rebels aren't willing to really use up a ton of their medical resources on her, no matter how much they respect Obi-Wan), so she's not super capable of fighting back and can't do much to get herself out of whatever locked room or cell they put her in, especially with Obi-Wan intentionally making sure he's in there with her as much as possible to keep an eye on her.

Obi-Wan keeps trying to talk to her, keeps trying to figure out what happened to her (Rex is there and so is Hera and they're able to explain what happened on Malachor and what they've been able to figure out about Vader's new apprentice Darth Malis before now). He wasn't able to save Anakin and he KNOWS he can't reach Anakin because Anakin doesn't want to be saved, but something tells him that Ahsoka DOES. Ahsoka is not lost to him the way Anakin is and it's worth the work it takes to convince her away from the darkness she chose so she could stay with Anakin. And little by little, piece by piece, she starts to come back to herself. She starts to heal and let go of the attachment to Anakin, the guilt she feels over what happened to him, the grief over the loss of the Jedi. She starts remembering who she was even though she still isn't entirely sure who she is or who she's become.

By the time the events of ESB rolls around, Ahsoka is no longer a prisoner, but she's still recovering from everything that's happened to her. Obi-Wan has been giving Luke AND Leia some training in the Force (they went back to grab the lightsaber parts Obi-Wan had on Tatooine so that Leia can also have a lightsaber rather than all three of them attempting to share two lightsabers) and both of them are aware of the truth about their parentage (Obi-Wan told them about being twins, but it was Ahsoka who revealed the truth about Anakin early on in her time with the Rebellion because she knew it would hurt them). So Obi-Wan insists that Luke and Leia go to Dagobah and he asks that they take Ahsoka with them, but Obi-Wan himself leaves with Han in order to provide a distraction for Anakin and the Empire.

Ahsoka obviously knows exactly who Yoda is, but she's also perfectly aware that Yoda is testing Luke and Leia when he shows up in the camp and has zero problems pretending she has no clue who he is. Yoda had been a little worried about the darkness he felt lingering in Ahsoka, but when she plays along with his prank he realizes she must be okay.

Obi-Wan and Han are having a terrible time. Obi-Wan leads them into the asteroid worm's mouth KNOWING it's an asteroid worm mouth because he can either convince it to let them stay for a minute or he keeps it asleep or something. Han is NOT into this idea which is exactly why Obi-Wan didn't TELL HIM what the idea was but Han freaks out when he figures out where they were and is not super chill about just trusting that Obi-Wan can keep them from getting eaten, so they leave. They still get followed by Boba when they go to Bespin and Anakin still shows up there, but instead of Anakin trying to just lay a trap for Luke (who he DOES know is his son because Luke obviously is using the name Skywalker), he's trying to confront Obi-Wan into just GIVING him Luke (he'd be asking for Ahsoka, too, but he actually has no idea that the Rebellion even HAVE Ahsoka, he thinks she died with the Death Star). Obi-Wan beats his ass and tosses him down a power shaft where he miraculously gets his cloak caught on a pipe or something where he just has to hang as Obi-Wan goes to deal with Boba trying to capture Han (thankfully Lando has this one managed generally, Han never even gets frozen in carbonite at all). Obi-Wan has things so well in hand that no one on Dagobah even gets any visions of trouble.

Obi-Wan drops off Han and Lando with the Rebellion and then goes off to meet Luke, Leia, and Ahsoka on Dagobah where he assists Yoda in training for the next six months.

While they're all there, Ahsoka takes a moment to have a quiet conversation with Obi-Wan about her future. She tells him that while she's definitely no longer a Sith, she's not sure she'll ever truly be able to be a Jedi again, either. She strayed so far from that path and is such a different person now that she doesn't think she'll ever really be able to finish the journey she started so long ago. Obi-Wan tells her that he's proud of her, that she doesn't NEED to be a Jedi to be a good person, and that she would be worthy of help and care regardless.

There is no second Death Star, but eventually the Rebellion has to make one final push to try to take down the Empire. And its Emperor. As they get ready for the final confrontation, Obi-Wan feels something Off and finds a nervous Ahsoka to be its source. She's hiding away in the rebel base somewhere and he convinces her to talk to him. Luke and Obi-Wan are preparing to go confront Anakin in the morning, while Leia and Ahsoka prepare to lead a ground offense while Anakin is distracted. But Ahsoka is starting to feel that maybe this is the wrong plan. She tells Obi-Wan that she knows she's never been a child of prophecy, that she's advanced but not ridiculously powerful, she's not even Anakin's flesh and blood. But he MADE her, in so many ways. He bent and twisted her into a shape that pleased him, he took her love and tortured it into a thing that kept him in power and caused others nothing but pain. She is his in a way that Luke and Leia never will be.

And she's starting to realize that she wasn't really meant to be here, that she probably wasn't necessarily SUPPOSED to be in this story, but she is now and that's changed things. She thinks that perhaps, in a different version of this story, it was meant to be Luke, or Leia, maybe even Obi-Wan. And they're all still acting out that story. But maybe, just maybe, it's supposed to be HER this time. She knows in her soul that she needs to face him, that she needs to look at the man she had loved to destruction as she tears him down from his seat of power so he can never hurt anyone again. She's not a Jedi, she's not a child of prophecy, this isn't some grand destiny that she's playing out, it's just one scarred soul facing the source of her greatest pain and acknowledging it for what it is so she can refuse to let it control her or the galaxy ever again. It's not really ABOUT her and she knows it, it's about all of the other people in the galaxy with a story just like hers, the other people who have suffered because of the choices of one man, the people who will bear scars for the rest of their lives as a result. She's one among many, speaking for all of them when she looks darkness in the face and says "no more."

Obi-Wan hears her out before saying that this plan of hers could easily result in not just Anakin's death, but her own as well. He doesn't need a response, though. He can see from the look on her face that she knows and she's prepared to make that sacrifice on behalf of the galaxy. She'd rather die than let him hurt anyone else.

So in the morning, Obi-Wan takes Luke and Leia to reclaim the galaxy while Ahsoka goes to finally face Anakin once and for all. Anakin, thinking that she's been dead all this time, believes for a moment that he's seeing a ghost. This person in front of him certainly doesn't FEEL like the apprentice he'd left behind on the Death Star. But as she walks closer, he feels the truth, and he denounces her as a traitor, a faithless, cowardly liar who had promised she'd never leave him again. Ahsoka refuses to let his pain compromise her a second time. She accepts it, accepts the pain she has caused, and then stands firm. She doesn't immediately attempt to kill him, she speaks to him, reminding him of the person she'd first met, the person who'd laughed with her, the person who'd cared for her. She reminds him of the Jedi, of the things the Order had taught them both, the philosophies Anakin had begun to pass on to her that he'd learned from Obi-Wan, who had learned it from Qui-Gon and Yoda. She says Anakin's pain aloud, the fears he'd revealed only to Darth Malis when he'd believed her bent enough to be broken, bringing them out from the darkness he hid them in, but he still refuses to acknowledge them. She shows him that even she was capable of finding her way onto a better path. And he had turned her into a twisted reflection of himself, so if she can make it back, so can he.

Unlike on Malachor, Ahsoka isn't fighting in anger or consumed by her own emotions, and it is this which allows her, finally, to surpass him. It is this which allows her to defeat him, this fractured mirror of every terrible choice she has ever made. But Ahsoka is not Obi-Wan, who could not kill the boy he trained. And she is not Luke, who in another version of this story, would not kill his father. Ahsoka does what she can to convince him to leave the dark behind, and when he refuses, she brings his story to its definitive end. There will be no redemption for Anakin Skywalker, but he will rejoin the Force, as all things must do eventually, and become part of the balance he had once been intended to create.

The Rebellion defeats the Empire on Endor and the celebration lasts long into the night. Obi-Wan waits for Ahsoka, not entirely certain if she managed to survive her confrontation with Anakin. He'd felt the destruction of the darkness and the return of balance in the Force, and those two things sort-of overwhelmed anything else. Eventually, Obi-Wan has to leave with Luke, Leia, and the rest of the Rebellion. He never sees Ahsoka again, but he knows that wherever she is, whether she rejoined the Force or not, she has found the peace she had so desperately desired.

The most hilarious thing about Twilight of the Apprentice is that Anakin is so terrified that Ahsoka will reject him the way Padme and Obi-Wan do, that she won't side with him, that he completely misses exactly HOW bad of a mental space she is in in that moment and that if he'd asked her to go Sith with him in that moment, she probably would've just to assuage her own guilt and keep him from being lonely or whatever it is she's upset about in Rebels.

[uhohhhstinky]

So, what about anakin and obi-wan's hair care routines? Any bar soap happening there?

ok so this sent me on a little trip and i ended up exploring hygiene generally instead of just hair care. i love the very tactile feel of fic where very slightly post-tpm anakin is adjusting to life in the temple and has to reckon with what would register as very mundane differences to other people but feel like massive shifts for him. so that influenced this exploration quite a bit.

especially when it concerns the basics of daily life like hygiene and eating habits. going off of this, i imagine that anakin’s hygiene evolves as he gets used to being a padawan and living at the temple.

so i think he would do things like wash his hair with bar soap at first! he wouldn’t know what to use exactly. i think he also would brush it too much because that’s what he’s used to. this is a good way to explain why tpm anakin’s hair is straight- because his mother brushed his wave/curl pattern flat. nobody told shmi about the curly girl method and also she was a little busy for that. she probably cut his little bowl cut with a literal bowl.

anakin’s a smart kid and figures out pretty naturally over time that when you have more regular access to water and different kinds of hygiene products there’s a variety of approaches to grooming. i like the idea that obiwan teaches him about this in bits and pieces. there’s room for this in scenarios like the bathing fic @predator-padawan wrote and also in letting anakin observe obiwan’s routine and ask his idle little boy questions about it. he would likely be the one to explain to him that you care for different hair textures and skin types in different ways. also this provides so many opportunities for obiwan to be tenderly guiding anakin through these massive life changes in small, concrete ways which has become such a huge part of their early dynamic to me now…..

anyway. once anakin has a sense of his options he settles into a pretty easygoing routine. he doesn’t wash his hair or body every day, and to care for his hair texture better as he gets older, he starts doing no ‘poo (this is part of why he looks a little greasy but i love it and think it’s very cute).

obiwan i imagine is very meticulous about hygiene and has a lot of facts in his head about skin pH and the acid mantle and hair and scalp health that govern most of his hair and skin care choices. being clean and not damaging his hair or skin is the primary focus and looking good is just kind of a secondary effect. he uses unscented and gentle products wherever possible and anything scented would be mild. anakin loves this because it means obiwan always smells like obiwan.

i’m gonna cut this off here so i don’t go forever LOL but also. obiwan is mom coded in that he is applying moisturizer after showers and before bed. and also gently nudging anakin to shower more often as a teen (anakin definitely has an unchecked body odor phase)

[gch1995]

Is it just me or is what obi wan did to anakin on mustafar something what sidious what do, even though sidious is way worse than obi wan (although obi wan has flaws even though he is one of my favorite Star Wars characters) still palpatine loves to torture people especially in the comics instead of going for the quick kill like Vader even if obi wan didn’t mean to purposefully do it he basically tortured anakin letting him burn like that, should’ve just captured/killed anakin

That scene on Mustafar where Obi-Wan uses Padme as bait to try to lure him into a trap to kill without her consent, eggs on Anakin into a fight, even when he tries to say he doesn’t want to fight him before, cuts off Anakin’s limbs, and then leaves him to burn to a crisp, while self-righteously lecturing him about failing, were absolutely exceedingly aggressive, brutal, deceitful, and manipulative methods that are supposed to be more typical of Sith than Jedi.

Obi-Wan’s a very cut-throat ambitious, hypocritical, manipulative, self-serving, and vain bastard. He’s definitely that colleague and toxic friend who would only ever have your back if it wasn’t an inconvenience to them, somehow eased their own guilt and/or made them feel better about themselves, only to immediately turn around and stab you in the back when the boss offered them a promotion to do it, or the cool kids offered them a spot in their clique for it.

“Oh, I loved my master Qui Gonn so much that I’ll try to honor his dying wish by taking on Anakin as a padawan against the Council’s wishes, but I’m also going to spit on that Master’s grave by deliberately disregarding his advice and teachings of being more independent and open-minded as a Jedi by instead being the exceedingly avoidant, close-minded, and ass-kissing Jedi™️ that Yoda and the Council expect me to be instead because Qui Gonn being more curious, independent, and open-minded never got him Yoda’s and the Council’s approval or a seat on the Council as a master. Kissing Yoda’s ass and blindly towing the party line of their cult from here on out, though, will get me Yoda’s and the Council’s approval, and a seat on their Council, even if it means dishonoring my deceased master’s approach to teaching by throwing Anakin, Ahsoka, Padme, and everyone else I care about under the bus every time doing so gives me a chance to earn Yoda’s and the Council’s recognition.”

“Anakin, revenge is not the Jedi way, but it’s perfectly okay for me to egg on enemies and opponents in to duels every time by being exceedingly aggressive and defensive in combat, even if they back off, hesitate, freeze, or surrender first. Revenge is not the Jedi way, but it’s perfectly okay for me to chop off your limbs and leave you to burn alive in agony, while self-righteously lecturing you about failing from ‘the high ground’. “

“Also, after Yoda and I found out about your survival on Mustafar, we spent the next 19 or so years plotting and then attempting to use one of your offspring to kill off the monster of a man we helped influence you to become in the first place because we’re too cowardly to deal with you ourselves.”

You also notice how Obi-Wan and Yoda never once tell Luke to defeat both Darth Vader and the Emperor too? I’m not arguing with the fact that objectively speaking, there were completely valid reasons that many people throughout the galaxy had to hate Darth Vader and want him killed for self-defense or justice at that point in the series.

I say this as an Anakin/Vader stan who also has a lot of sympathy for him, considering the fact that he seems to have CPTSD, a drug addiction to the force, and his entire life was also a never ending hell of abuse, compromised agency, exploitation, and oppression under corrupt authority. I don’t think he’s wholly innocent because he’s committed crimes without the prompting of those corrupt authority figures, too, he still had a conscience, and he did stop trying after going dark. However, those with positions of authority in the Jedi and Republic of his time had already fucked themselves over long before either he or even Palpatine came into the picture, and he definitely wasn’t given a strong opportunity to ever safely and reasonably escape this fate of corruption, considering just how much every authority figure in his life was an abusive, corrupt, hypocritical, manipulative, and oppressive asshole themselves in one way or another, except for his mother, who the Jedi and Republic left in slavery and chaos on Tatooine, only to never let them keep in touch.

Nonetheless, that still doesn’t excuse the fact that Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader murdered millions of people throughout the galaxy in cold blood for a little over two decades, and even before that, he wasn’t an innocent in his adulthood either. I can completely understand why his victims would hate him, and I can completely understand the validity of people thinking that the galaxy would be a safer place without him than with him by the time we got to A New Hope.

Still, there’s also the fact that, Obi-Wan and Yoda don’t seem nearly as concerned about the well-being of the galaxy as they claim to be to Luke in their quest to use him to kill their former student who they deliberately deceive him about. They know that Emperor Palpatine is the creator and heart of the Empire. They know he deceived and manipulated them all for years, particularly Anakin Skywalker. Yet, they aren’t really interested in destroying the Empire in and of itself in their quest for Luke. Obi-Wan and Yoda want to use him to clean up the mess they helped create with his father and ran away from.

If it were really as much as about the well-being of the galaxy as they claimed, then they would instruct for Luke to kill the Emperor too and be doing their best to fight with him by his side if they could. Obi-Wan and Yoda are deceiving and manipulating Luke to kill Vader to try to absolve themselves more than anything, so they were being rather selfish, even if subconsciously.

I’m not saying the entire Order and Republic deserved mass murder or that they’re responsible for all of Anakin’s crimes. However, he was able to feel desperate enough to go dark in the first place, not just because of Palpatine, but also because of Obi-Wan’s, Yoda’s, and the Council’s abusive, exploitative, hypocritical, and oppressive system and their emotional neglect. He had some experience with what it meant to react and be treated like a normal person outside of their cult, and Obi-Wan and the Council couldn’t adjust, so they made him the problem instead. His mother had taught him that abuse, emotional/individual denial, and slavery were wrong, but suddenly he was thrust into these broken systems where those things he got taught were wrong as a young child by his mother were labeled as “kind,” “selfless,” and “for the greater good” by those with positions of authority over him in those screwed up systems, so he regressed to a state of moral confusion and excessive deference/slave mindset in regards to corrupt authority and loved ones emotionally/psychologically in the Jedi Order/Republic and Empire/Sith out of fear of loss and the unknown until he broke as a result.

Just in general, most of the adults in the Jedi and Republic of the prequels are essentially a watered down version of their enemies. They have many of the same traits as their enemies. They’re controlling, and exceedingly hostile and distrustful towards enemies and outsiders. They’re just tamer. At best, they’re indifferent towards their own working class and the people of the outer rims, and at worst they’re enablers and/or perpetrators of “necessary” systematic abuse, crime, and oppression. They’re not above creating and enabling “necessary” collateral damage by deceiving, endangering, and manipulating others for their own “greater good” that’s safer than doing the right thing.

However, the old Jedi and Republic were more stable and better at living in denial of how much they sucked, while the Sith and Empire are just a more aggressive, hostile, obsessive, vengeful, and unfiltered version of what many of them were already proving themselves to be in the prequels, even before Palpatine got involved.

Aside from a few notable exceptions of Jedi who were actually heroic because they were raised to be good people before they got involved with either the Jedi or the Sith, or got out of them before it was too late, such as Luke Skywalker (screw the Disney sequels and BoBF), Ezra Bridger, and some of the force sensitive Rebels, most of the Jedi we meet in the series are and/or grow up to become self-righteous assholes.

Anakin clearly did not only learn from Sidious how to be a manipulative and ruthless bastard with his enemies in combat. Obi-Wan taught him that too.

Even Anakin/Vader showed more mercy for Obi-Wan in their two duels after Mustafar, and he also obsessively sought vengeance against him for roughly two decades. Granted, I do think that, much like with Padme, Luke in the OT movies after finding out he was his son, and even Palpatine, Anakin’s deference, devotion to, and love in regards to people with positions of authority over him, causes he gets pressured to serve, and/or those he considers or once considered family and friends, his simultaneous obsession with getting revenge on Obi-Wan for what he did to him on Mustafar, while also being shockingly hesitant and reluctant to go through with it when he actually faces him off again goes back to all those traits of devotion, deference, and loyalty in regards to people he grows attached to acting as his Achilles Heel at worst and his most redeeming quality at best.

Yeah, he’ll fight them on the dark side, try to convince them to join him on the dark side, recklessly endanger and lash out at them in a blind rage, and he even killed Kenobi via voluntary manslaughter twenty years later when Kenobi invaded the Death Star and faced him off in A New Hope because he did nothing to fight him back and just stood there. However, in regards to the people he cares about or once cared about, I don’t really think revelry for harming them or killing them is really there.

In regards to Obi-Wan, the desire for vengeance is more complex. On the surface, I think he is definitely angry with Obi-Wan for what he did to him on Mustafar and his mistreatment of him in the Jedi Order, but I also don’t think Anakin’s/Vader’s heart is in it nearly as much as he convinces himself it is. There is no revelry in him for killing Obi-Wan in A New Hope, just shock and solemnity, because deep down a part of him never stopped loving his old master. He obsesses over hunting down Obi-Wan to try to gain vengeance for ten years after RotS, but then still can’t bring himself to burn Obi-Wan alive and actually lets him get away.

I think the people who claim it’s like “the Joker’s obsession with Batman” miss the whole point of Anakin Skywalker. Yeah, he’s committed many abominable crimes, his victims had every right to hate him, but he’s not a maniacal psychopath with no traces of genuine humanity in his heart either. He didn’t let Obi-Wan go because he loves the chase like the Joker does in regards to Batman. He let them go and/or takes no joy in harming and/or killing either Obi-Wan or anyone else he connects to because he still holds genuine affection for them, even if he denies it. 

As for Obi-Wan, I do agree that he’s not ill-intended on the whole, nor does he doesn’t commit as many crimes as Anakin/Vader, Sidious, Maul, or the Sith. I also do recognize that his agency is at least partially compromised by being a victim of lifelong indoctrination in Yoda’s cult. However, I don’t think he was ever a particularly good person as an adult either. I think he was a lot more ambitious, hypocritical, manipulative, self-centered, vain, and surprisingly vicious in his desire for vengeance against enemies who personally wronged him than he was convinced. I do think he grew to genuinely care about Qui Gonn, Anakin, Luke, Leia, and Satine, but I also don’t think it was ever enough to outweigh his own desire to fit in and be seen as perfect by Yoda and the Council.

[starsdies]

DUDE!! That tweet you had about anakin composing a song to/inspired by Obi-wan’s name!! 😭😩 stunning idea! 10/10!! I imagine anakin never intended to tell Obi-wan that so does Obi-wan ever find out? When! How! Please add to this idea! I love it so much 😭😭😭 (Also love the idea of anakin being musically gifted since anakin can in canon (sort of) actually sing and Hayden can, in fact, play piano very proficiently!!)

AHH i am so so so glad you asked me about this because i've been going crazy thinking about it. for reference, here's the tweet anon is referring to:

tweet was inspired by this tiktok piano video.

"anakin being musically gifted. it’s like moving meditation. anakin playing piano and composing songs when he needs to submerge into song and force. obi-wan falling asleep to the same composition every night not knowing that anakin composed it to the word “obi-wan” / anakin composing this since he was young, so the first part of the song is simpler and slower. but it grows more complex, quick, layered as he also gets older and gets better (and his feelings for obi-wan also grow)"

so yes, this concept is haunting me. as you said, he can sing well AND hayden plays piano so this is... so perfect i think, especially as anakin is quite the gifted kid. he's a genius that also is able to sing and draw, so he's definitely someone that can use his hands for delicate movements and he is someone capable of understanding music in some capacity. i find myself going back to moving meditations for anakin in different ways: literal meditation with movement, tinkering with droid/ship parts, and now piano. it's an interesting method but it works for him as he constantly needs to touch something and be stimulated. the force guides his fingers, he submerges in the music the same way one might with meditation.

i have this very detailed image of anakin picking it back up, especially, during the clone wars. he plays on a holo-piano but he absolutely favors his physical one on coruscant. i love the idea of anakin being introduced to piano by obi-wan casually (either being taught or just given the instrument), though obi-wan never pressed it (thanks to @zimriya for fueling this particular thought ily) and anakin kind of working on stuff at his leisure. he starts to compose songs in a similar way as the man in the above video, by lettering the notes on a piano, choosing a word, and playing that word on the piano. he does it with many words, but the one that he keeps secret is a song composed of obi-wan's name.

as he's young and learning piano, his composition of the obi-wan piece is simple. light. innocent. but as he grows older and better at piano, as his feelings begin to warp into something else, the composition is layered, it's a mix of yearning, or sorrow and anger and jealousy, regret, pure happiness - and it's a song that obi-wan always heard faintly but never asked about.

i need obi-wan finding anakin playing after an intense failure during battle. i need him to just... hear this emotion and i need anakin eventually telling him that it was always about him. I want anakin teaching obi-wan the simple beginning keys and telling him this part was composed back when he was like... 12 or 13. this is sorta similar to the background of bethoveen's Für Elise piece, or the supposed rumor that he composed a piece for his beloved at her skill level, but when she rejected him the piece's later half was super complex and difficult to play. so yeah - it mirrors that concept except anakin is very deeply, hopelessly in love.

hope this made sense. please feel free to yell at me more about this concept because it's definitely making it's way into a wip of mine!

[dberl]

Anakin was a special case, and should have been treated as such by the Order that was attempting to raise him to be a force for good in the universe. I'm not saying that Anakin should have been given special treatment in the vein of "they should let him get away with everything" but let's look at the facts of the matter. He came to them as an older child complete with fears, attachments, and psychological damage from a life lived in slavery. Based on the Jedi's own standards, Anakin should not have been trained, because all of their methods and techniques for training a Jedi were doomed to fail when applied to him, because he is a square peg trying to fit into a round hole. They knew this, and that's why they initially rejected him and only allowed his training in the end because Obi-Wan said it was Qui-Gon's dying wish, and that, fuck it, if they didn't allow it, he was going to do it anyway.

This puts the Jedi as a whole into a pretty unfair position, but, honestly what was the alternative? Let this incredibly powerful child loose into a Galaxy where they know the Sith have returned? Is there a version of reality where he DOESN'T get adopted by Palpatine and raised as a Sith with none of the attachments that allowed some part of him to cling to the light?

So yeah, training Anakin as a Jedi is the right thing to do, but the Jedi dropped the ball on that because instead of recognizing that he was different than the other students and thus had different needs, they chose to treat him like any other Padawan and then shame him when the rough edges of his differences scraped against the smooth operation of the order.

Yes, the Jedi teach you not to form and hold attachments, but Anakin came complete with very strong attachments to his mother and to Padme, and instead of recognizing that and trying to help him deal with those attachments in a healthy way, he was basically just told to ignore them. Most Padawans don't have that problem, but Anakin is not most Padawans and should not have been treated like most Padawans.

Alternatively, (and I know this is no longer cannon) we also know that the Council DID occasionally offer Anakin special treatment... but only once he started to become powerful, and the Council saw a use for that power during the Clone Wars. Anakin achieved Knighthood without having to go through the Jedi Trials like a normal Jedi. The Council just looked at his accomplishments during the war and said "Well, that's all more impressive than anything our standardized testing might have in store. Dude fought Dooku and Ventress already" and knighted him, despite the fact that, by their own admission, he'd never faced a test of the spirit, which ended up being his downfall.

The Jedi were Anakin's teachers. And the thing about being teachers is, students learn many lessons from you, even ones you don't intend to teach. So what kind of lesson do you think Anakin learned when for his entire life the Jedi treated him like a problem, a misfit Jedi they are only begrudgingly allowing to be trained, to have his differences thrown in his face whenever he messes up, to be told over and over again that HE'S the problem, and that if he only got into line and followed the rules like a normal Padawan, everything would be okay and then he starts to mature and get more powerful, and the Jedi NEED that power desperately and all of a sudden allowances are made, and the rules don't apply to him. What lesson does that teach? That rules only apply to the powerless. If you're powerful enough, the rules don't fully apply to you, and you can do what you please. Is it any wonder that he started to crave power, to see the acquisition of power as the best way to solve his problems?

Ultimately, Anakin's decisions are his own, and he's responsible for all of the pain and suffering he caused, but the Jedi did themselves no favors in how they approached his training, which is to say, without regard for him as an individual, and ultimately, with inconsistent and haphazard application of strict adherence to their own code.

I feel like the ‘the Jedi were too strict with Anakin and it was abusive and that’s why he fell!’ is telling of a certain … power fantasy some Star Wars fans have.

Because Anakin didn’t have to be a Jedi. We know he could’ve left the Order, because that’s what Dooku did. The man’s the most skilled fighter pilot of his era, a capable combatant, has experience with diplomacy, has worked as a bodyguard, etc, etc, he would not even remotely struggle to find work, even without taking into account that his wife is a wealthy senator who could easily support him. Hell, while he’d probably have to give up his lightsaber, it’s not like it’d be impossible for him to build another one – it isn’t illegal for a non-Jedi to own a lightsaber, and it’s clearly possible to acquire lightsaber crystals outside of the Order because, again, Dooku has a lightsaber. It’s not even like he’d have to give up his friendship with Obi-Wan – Obi-Wan has friends who aren’t Jedi, he has a whole bunch of them. So does Yoda.

(Hell, it’s not even like non-Jedi aren’t allowed to use the Force. As Palpatine points out in the Revenge of the Sith novelisation, it’s not even technically illegal to be a Sith Lord.)

The only reason Anakin can’t leave the Order is because he doesn’t want to. He wants everything: He wants the power, prestige, excitement, and community the Jedi offer, but he also wants to not have to follow their rules. 

And I think for quite a lot of people that’s a very relatable thing, right? We want to have it all. The fantasy of being a cool Jedi is, for a lot of people, ruined by the addendum that there are things you would have to forego to do that. That’s one reason why the idea of Grey Jedi, which fully is just that ‘you can have your cake and fuck it too’ is so appealing to so many fans.

But that’s not what life is like, in reality or in fiction. And Anakin’s fall brings that crashing in: He tries to have everything, and he ends up with nothing. Less than nothing, because at the end of it, not only does he not have any of the things he wanted in the first place, but he’s also lost his freedom (because let’s make no mistake, as much of a terrible, gleeful executor of cruelty and misery as he is as Vader, he is also Palpatine’s slave) and his body.

It’s easy and in a way quite appealing to shift the blame elsewhere and go “Well, he could’ve had it all, but people more powerful than him stopped him from doing so.”

[deniigi]

Blame @petrichordiam for this.

-------------

Title: centerstage

Summary: An academic goes to a conference and is jazzed to see a jedi speak there. He unknowingly sits next to this jedi’s Support Squad.

The jedi Support Squad is like 85% clones, and 15% Jedi Generals.

No one mentions that the jedi speaking has never done this before and is petrified out of his blessed little mind.

*Anakin is like 19-20ish here.

-------------

Sion Jissard has spent the last ten years of his life in the dredges of archives, digging through documents and testing fibers found between the flimsy, papery pages of old texts—scrounging for clues to recreate the conditions of the great conference halls and small, tucked away offices in which some of the most powerful people in the galaxy once gathered to whisper and shout over the fate of whole planets.

He has a hypothesis that the conditions in those rooms affected the decisions made in them. His hypothesis is strong enough that it has endured several rounds of peer-review and escaped those vulture-like clutches mostly unscathed in published form—both in journal and, his chest swells to recall, in book formats.

His book has sold several hundred copies and been cited in a plethora of upcoming article submissions.

The last eight years of tension in his marriage has eased in light of this. The salary from the professorship obtained in light of the book certainly hasn’t hurt it either.

His two doctorates are set on the wall of his office and when he receives word that a conference on ‘Intergalactic Unionism and Peace Negotiation’ is to be held in two months time, he opens up the speakers list and raises his head to gaze upon those two solid frames.

There will be jedi speakers at the conference. Several, actually. The whole thing is to be held on Coruscant, in the small visitors’ wing of the Jedi temple itself.

Sion Jissard pinches the fabric of his suit and then lightly slaps at his cheek to make sure that he is not dreaming.

He has only recently begun studying the jedi order��s material world and the role that world plays in their intergalactic peace-making practices. Prior to this, he considered the subject too on-the-nose. Jedi studies are rampant. Everyone wants a piece of that pie—the allure of it being that the jedi themselves, scholars in their own rights, refuse to partake in examinations of their culture.

They are notoriously obstinate. Their grandmasters refuse to let outsiders into their archives. Their masters shut down any and all attempts to obtain interviews or transcripts or documents with empty expressions or gentle, pitying smiles. Their knights blink with confusion at personal and personal-adjacent questions, and the little ones, the apprentices, are shielded behind all of these people as though the elbow-padded questioners are threatening their precious little lives.

In short, the jedi are happy to listen but loathe to teach. If you are not one of their soldiers or one of their fellows, they will lie to your face and tell you that it is their religion to do so.

And yet here they are, offering up a scholar’s wetdream and even allowing a handful of their own to present on their areas of expertise.

Sion Jissard will pass up this opportunity only upon pain of death.

He applies for the conference as a participant, not a speaker, and is delighted to receive confirmation of his place within mere minutes.

He puts the date on his calendar and starts looking into transit to Coruscant for the event in two months time.

--

 Sion arrives on Coruscant, at the foot of the Jedi Temple itself, and stares up at it for so long that he begins to feel sick to the gills.

He fumbles for his confirmation at the little table set up in the interior courtyard behind a side-entrance door. He is distracted by the fact that the woman he is standing in front of is a Jedi. She is helped by two small children and holds a baby who is dead-set on unraveling the knots that decorate her thick waist band. Even the baby is dressed in double-collared cream-colored robes.

Sion has so many questions he wants to ask.

The jedi asks him for his name. She has a collection of name badges before her, but none of them are his. He gives his name and the master turns to the little girl sat at her right elbow with a brush in hand and instructs her to write it out.

The jedi child—not an apprentice, her robes are cream still, there are no additional earth-colors layered on top of it—writes Sion’s name in beautiful script on a little card and hands the card to the master, who puts it in a holder with a pin on it and places it into Sion’s hand.

She instructs him to go through the side door and enjoy some refreshments before the event begins. The baby in her lap looks up at her abruptly and bonks his sweet little head against her chin.

Sion forgets himself.

“How old?” he asks automatically, gesturing to the baby.

The master looks down into her lap.

“He is eight months and 75% lung,” she says affectionately.

“Ah. Mine was like that, too,” Sion says. “He grew out of it. He’s only 40% lung now.”

The master smiles.

Sion removes himself from her table before he embarrasses himself further.

--

 There are enough people inside the front room of the jedi’s visitor’s wing to nearly fill it to capacity. The volume, though everyone is whispering, is great enough to be heard from outside the door. The room itself is earth-colored with a high ceiling. Its walls all contain niches with rounded borders. Columns with deep-cut creases in them arch high to the skylights.

It is all beautifully geometric, stoic, and clean. And even though the walls and floor are built from materials of warm tones, the skylights overhead and the surrounding addtion of books and holorecords set into the walls lend it a cooling quality.

What should have been imposing architectural feels more like holy space. The room is one that reverberates with reminders to respect all around you.

Sion’s fingers yearn to document this, but there is a sign right by the room’s entrance that asks politely for no recordings or holographs to be taken.  

“Professor Jissard,” a familiar voice says.

Sion feels his whole body droop. He turns to see Teo Detras stood before him in his obnoxious, roaring red robes.

“I’m pleased that you too were able to secure an invitation, sir,” Teo says as though he has not attempted to place Sion on the metaphysical chopping block for each of his premises since the time they began their academic programs.

Sion opens his mouth to point out that this is also his area of study and that Teo has no monopoly on the field of Jedi architecture when a quiet passes over the room. Sion watches the heads around him lift and searches for the source of the sudden shudder of silence.

He finds it in a tall master with dark skin standing at the very front of the space. The man has tucked his hands neatly into the mouths of his sleeves.

He is Jedi Master and General Mace Windu. Sion has read and reread his essays, not caring so much for what he is talking about but how he is talking about it. His metaphors and examples should have been insight into the common experiences of those living in the Jedi temple.

Sion has found, however, that Jedi Master Mace Windu does not especially care for eloquence or metaphor. He cares only to methodically destroy the argument (if it could be called that) published by a jedi named Qui-Gon Jinn many years ago. Though Master Jinn has not published for several decades now, Master Windu’s writings remain agitated by his interpretations of the jedi’s Spiritual energy, the Force.

Just gazing upon the man now, Sion would not think him capable of agitation.

Master Windu welcomes the academics to the temple and says that he regrets not having more time to speak with each of the attendees as individuals, but there is a war on and his clone troopers require his services. He encourages people to refrain from any recordings of the temple due to its sacred nature, and he asks that attendees be mindful of the jedi Initiates (the white-robed children) who are confused and intrigued by all of the non-jedi people inhabiting their usual playroom.

He cautions everyone that if anyone slips on a toy, he warned them, and the temple is not liable for their medical bills.

This is a joke.

People are unsure of whether or not to laugh. Some laugh awkwardly far too late. Master Windu gives no sign on his face that he appreciates or disapproves of this.

Instead, he steps from his space of honor and leaves in his place a young man with feathery blonde hair and a highly expressive countenance, who drops his armload of documents on the floor obnoxiously and flings himself down to snatch up only the conference program, as if this was the most efficient way of finding it.

People know to laugh this time.

The young man begins announcing panel topics and rooms and give his strong opinions on each of them.

More people laugh. It feels less like a sin.

“And that’s all, my dears and darlings,” the young man says, “Mind your step into the conference rooms, our predecessors derived joy from an unexpected drop.”

--

 Sion has only one panel that he will kill at minimum three bodies to sit in on. It is the one on peace strategy and resource management. He is not here for the peace strategy or the resource management parts of the talk; his burning interest yearns instead in listening to how and if people talk about their space and things. He wants to write down the language they use. He wants to learn about the physicality of peace.

He thinks ‘The Physicality of Peace’ would make a very compelling title for another book.

So he slips through the arched doors of conference room 3 and finds himself in a tiered lecture theatre. There is a small balcony with rows of pew-like benches that hangs over a lower seating area. He takes a seat at the edge of the front pew and sets his datapad on his lap for note-taking. At the front of the room there is a long bench—not a quite table, but definitely a tall bench, and behind it, there is an enormous screen for displaying images and information. Someone has very kindly thought to place a jug of water and some cups at the center of the bench by a microphone.

Sion gets the impression from its awkward, dead-center placement that it is an addition that the jedi themselves usually forego.

He wonders what that means. He only wonders for about 15 seconds before a hand touches his shoulder and he jerks in alarm.

“My apologies, sir. We were just wondering if the space next to you is available?” says the smooth-faced, copper-haired man standing above him.

He is wearing white armor on top of his layered robes. The arms and legs that emerge from his long off-white tunic are dark in color, but his boots are hard and white and come up and over his kneecaps.

Sion is speechless.

This is General and Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi.

General and Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi has touched Sion’s shoulder and apologized to him.

He doesn’t have words. He can only make fish-mouthed motions and then point and nod.

General Kenobi accepts this with grace and stands up straight. He waves behind him to call his companions over to join him on the balcony’s edge.

They arrive as a pack.

Instead of coming around and staggering past Sion’s knees at the edge of the bench, General Kenobi climbs over its back and settles in. He then twists back over the row and holds his hands out; a Clone Trooper in full armor hands to him a strange bundle of woolen, brown robe. It produces legs and arms and then bright blue and white lekku once Kenobi has situated it next to him.

“Fooled ‘em,” the little Togruta that emerges from the cloth says brightly.

“Shh,” Kenobi says. “Cody, you next.”

“No, I want Rex to sit with me.”

“Ahsoka, shhh.”

“Rex.”

“Child, this is how people like me get banned from meetings; you’re not even supposed to see—”

“REX.”

“HUSH. Okay, okay. Rex. Pst. Cody, get Rex. Cody, oh for the love of—Wolffe, yes—no. Wolffe, look at me. Get Cody to get Rex.”

Sion cannot believe what he is seeing. General Kenobi appears to be sneaking half of his command into the balcony area. There are more than a few clone troopers there are at least twenty. They are somehow visibly excited despite their matching helmets. The General is able to tell them apart easily. He leans over the back of the bench again and crooks his finger at one of the troopers who leans forward. He tells them to throw something at their commander.

The Clone takes off his glove, stands, and nail a clone standing in the aisle in the head with it. The slap of contact makes this clone cease speaking in serious low tones with a clone decorated with blue edging in front of him. The first clone draws himself up perfectly straight and turns around with a fury that even Sion can feel the heat of.

His armor is painted yellow in places.

He holds the glove in his hand like a threat. The clone who threw it winces and points wordlessly to General Kenobi, then sits down in a hurry. Kenobi smiles wide and white. He has freckles on his face that do not appear on any of the images of him that appear on the news.

He’s also shorter than Sion himself, even sitting.

“Sir,” the white and yellow clone says stiffly.

“Rex,” Kenobi says through that threat of a smile. “Get over here.”

The Togruta child twists around excitedly as the clone in white and blue exits the conversation with the one in white and yellow and surveys the rows of his fellows piled into the space behind the General and the child. He has to squeeze past the line of knees and then climb over the bench to sit down next to the child, who immediately cuddles up to him.

“Hey, that’s my seat,” a new voice whispers.

Sion looks back to see General Quinlan Vos with his arms crossed over his chest, recognizable in any setting. Behind him is General Koon. General Kenobi slaps a hand to his forehead and grumbles, then shoos the blue edged clone and the child a few seats down.

The generals clamber just as awkwardly as the blue clone through the sea of knees of the troopers and then over the back of the bench.

Somehow, Sion has won the jackpot. He is now surrounded by jedi culture, literally.

“All of you, back,” Kenobi snaps down the bench when everyone is just starting to get comfortable. “Cody. Commander, come here.”

The clone trooper with the yellow edging does not want to play this game. He shifts his weight back onto his other heel as Kenobi pats the newly vacated space next to him. General Vos croons in a teasing tone something about Kenobi being especially fond of this clone.

Kenobi lurches out across the empty seat to punch him in the gut and then returns peacefully to patting the space over the sound of Vos’s moaning.

The Clone Commander has no choice. His general is giving him a directive. He gives in to the inevitable and makes his way through the knees and—much more neatly than the others—steps over the back of the bench to its seat and then into sitting. Kenobi beams at him, practically purring.

Sion needs desperately to take notes, but the subjects of said notes are right there and rudeness is intolerable in retaining his vantage point.

He fights the urge to vibrate in space as the lights begin to dim overhead and the panel chairman comes out to introduce the topic and speakers. It is only about a minute or so when a hand lands firmly on Kenobi’s right shoulder—the one by Sion’s arm. Sion jumps, but Kenobi resolutely stares directly down at the speaker.

“Obi-Wan,” Master Mace Windu���s low, low voice says right into the space between Kenobi and Sion’s ears, “Did you think I wouldn’t notice?”

Kenobi begins to melt but catches himself.

“You didn’t for a while,” he said.

“Get her out of here.”

“She has a right to see her Master.”

“What part of these orders are challenging for you?”

Kenobi still does not turn around to see Master Windu, but his eyebrows sink and his brow becomes more pronounced.

“No padawans,” Master Windu says. “Ahsoka. Out.”

The togruta, still bedecked in that heavy cloak, turns to stare owlishly at Master Windu while the person at the front of the room moves on to introducing the next speaker.

“But I’m not a padawan,” the child says. “I’m obnoxious. Master Kenobi said so.”

Kenobi holds his face in a hand.

“You can be both. Come,” Master Windu says, holding out a hand.

“But I’m a cloak,” Ahsoka tries instead.

Kenobi crumples further. Master Windu’s hand finds his shoulder again. Sion can feel its heat.

“If not her, then you,” he says.

“After,” Kenobi says.

“I’ll be waiting, Obi-Wan.”

Master Windu vanishes from behind them. Sion shudders. Kenobi turns to the side and hisses at Ahsoka,

“Now look what you’ve done.”

“You’re my co-conspirator,” Ahsoka hisses back. “My—my—Rex, what’s the word?”

Clone Commander Rex does not want to give her the word. Ahsoka tugs at him.

“Rex,” she insists.

“Enabler,” Commander Rex says with bitter regret coating his words.

Ahsoka beams over the laps of the other Generals at Kenobi. He glares back through a squint. He starts to say something, but General Vos tells him to shut up in a sharp tone.

Sion looks back to the front of the room and finds that a young man with dark hair has come out to the center of the front table-bench to speak.

He is a jedi. His robes, however, are dark in color. Blacks and browns with knee-high boots.

He’s very young. Very, very young.

And nervous.

Very, very nervous.

Even from the balcony seats, Sion can see his hands shaking. He is holding a stack of white paper. It is trembling like a branch on a windy day.

“Go, go, Master, go, go,” chants little Ahsoka.

Sion finds himself abruptly appalled by the realization that the child on center stage is the master of the child a few seats over from him.

General Koon gently shushes Ahsoka. Commander Rex helpfully wraps a gloved hand over the bottom half of her face to keep her distracted.

Sion looks from them to the young man and finds that he’s already knocked over the jug of water on the bench and looks about ready to sob about it. He gathers himself, though, and brings the microphone closer to him.

He is General Anakin Skywalker, Sion now understands. He is the first speaker and he’s never in his life presented a paper at a professional conference before.  

His voice shakes as he reads out the title of the article that he published (and that Sion has read) on battlefield surrender. After the second paragraph, Sion brings a hand to his lip to help him contain the emotions that come with the understanding that this boy is about to read his article, word for word, in front of a room full of academics.

He thinks now that he has been too harsh with his students.

--

 General Skywalker is not a strong public speaker. Clearly, his expertise is in action. He stammers. He loses his place in his reading and accidentally rereads three whole sentences. Only twice does he look up from his paper, and each time it is not at the audience but at Obi-Wan Kenobi, sat next to Sion, serious as a plague.

Kenobi nods sagely.

General Skywalker is General Kenobi’s apprentice. Was General Kenobi’s apprentice. However, it is clear to all who are present today that General Skywalker is still General Kenobi’s apprentice. Desperate, the poor thing is, for Kenobi’s reassurance.

His confidence in reading grows under his former (current?) master’s approving eye until he turns a page and—horror of horrors—drops the stack of paper.

Sion’s whole body tenses in sympathy and second-hand embarrassment. Skywalker flings himself down and messily collects the papers. He hurriedly reorders them, all while stuttering ‘ums’ and ‘uhs.’

Yet, when Sion chances a peek down the line of Generals next to him, he finds that not a single one has winced. No one has laughed. Even the clone troopers all around them are as silent and steady as the night itself.

It seems like they are all listening intently to their young General on center stage. The only giveaway that sympathy is being had by any is the tiny gesture Clone Commander Rex is making with his hand. He is moving it almost imperceptibly in a circle, as if to say ‘come on, come on.’

Sion looks back to young Skywalker and waits patiently as he finds his place and carries on reading again, this time faster. This time he does not look up for his master’s eye.

He wants only for the torture to end.

He gets to the end of his paper without dropping it or repeating himself and is flushed red. He does not ask for questions. He merely says quietly into the microphone, “Thank you.”

The panel chair waits a beat before walking over to Skywalker and asking the crowd for questions on his behalf. Skywalker becomes even more luminous. Sion cannot decide whether asking a question would be more or less stressful for this poor boy.

No one asks a question.

The panel chair then starts to ask for applause for Skywalker, but before he can even finish the sentence the whole balcony breaks into uproar.

General Kenobi hoots and whistles piercingly in Sion’s ear. General Vos claps and shouts what sounds like ‘You FUCKING did it, kid. You FUCKING did it. Hip-hip—”

“HUZZAH,” the Clone Troopers behind General Vos finish for him in perfect unity.

“Hip-hip—”

“HUZZAH.”

More applause and congratulations erupts after this.

General Skywalker slams his paper into his face and bursts into tears at the front of the room.

He bolts for a doorway that Sion hadn’t even noticed was right next to the bench. General Kenobi whacks at his Clone Commander’s shoulder, and Commander Cody wraps hands around his waist and hoists him up so that he’s standing on the guardrail at the edge of the balcony. He leaps from there to the lower level then goes jogging out the same doorway his former apprentice ran through.

After another moment or two, Commander Cody stands up and snaps at the whole collection of troopers in their language. Everyone shuts up and sits back down. Commander Rex gestures for Ahsoka to put up her hood and takes from General Vos a small datapad which he gives to the child—presumably for her to occupy herself with for the next hour and a half of papers. She takes it and immediately becomes absorbed in its lightly-glowing screen.

The balcony is once again on its best behavior.

Sion doesn’t bother with listening to any of the other papers. He feels no shame at all in beginning to furiously take notes on his last twenty-five minutes with the jedi.

--

 Upon leaving the conference room nearly two hours later, he finds himself swept up in the clone troopers’ swift and orderly exit from the space. They line up outside the hall in lines by regiment and they wait for their commanders and generals to arrive before marching back towards the visitors’ wing’s exit.

After two or three minutes, only two lines remain.

Clone Commander Rex and Clone Commander Cody stand perfectly at attention beside their lines of men. Clone Commander Rex has his jedi’s apprentice thrown over his shoulder; he has balanced her on one arm while she sleeps.

It’s very sweet. She obviously trusts the Clone Commander very much.

“Gentlemen.”

The clones snap to even tighter attention as General Mace Windu appears, walking briskly their way.

“You’re dismissed,” he says to them. “Commanders, you will remain. Obi-Wan and Anakin will join us shortly.”

“Sir,” both commanders say simultaneously.

There is a pause, and Sion sees that all of these people are now looking at him.

“Can we help you, sir?” General Windu asks.

Yes. And Sion will pay any amount of money to just know this one thing. This teeny, tiny detail.

“Sir?”

“Is that normal for you?” he blurts out.

The Clone Commanders stare. The general stares. The apprentice coughs lightly in her sleep.

“I regret to say that it is not only normal, but expected of these general and units,” General Windu says. “Please vacate this area.”

Right.

“Thank you,” Sion says.

He stiff-legs it back to the crowd of other academics and hunts down a liquid to soothe his parched throat.

  The new book’s title will not be ‘The Physicality of Peace.’ It will be ‘All is Fair in Love and War: The Jedi Order and Ideologies of Family, Part I.’

 --------------- Yeah, so anyways, Myth and I decided that Anakin is bad at public speaking and nothing anyone says can take this from me now, I’m invincible. (If you want this on Ao3 let me know).

[jasontoddiefor]

Anakin and Obi-Wan switch lightsaber forms, but make it a character study. Written for @isolde-and-monsters

Perseverance

In the aftermath of Naboo, watching his new Padawan sleep while his own braid was wrapped around his hand, Obi-Wan decided he could not endure another loss of this magnitude. Whenever he closed his eyes, he saw the Sith in front of his eyes, his attacks so much faster than Obi-Wan’s, his strikes more powerful.

Obi-Wan had never wanted power, not in the way he found himself starved for it now. He had butted heads with Qui-Gon often enough, but never when it came to his lightsaber form. For all that Qui-Gon’s teaching methods could be all over the place, in this, they were not. He made Obi-Wan run more drills than any other Padawan and never failed to correct even the slightest mistake. A few of his Master’s friends made jokes about Qui-Gon’s own padawanhood that left him rolling his eyes and pointedly ask Obi-Wan for his opinion on his own education.

Obi-Wan had only ever smiled and asked for another lesson.

His Master had been an excellent fighter, one of the best duelists their Order had and yet, perhaps due to making up for Obi-Wan’s lack of skill, he had lost.

Ataru had felt like a pattern out of tune ever since. Where once it was the winds guiding Obi-Wan to the skies, it now felt like wild currents dragging him down. When Obi-Wan tried to find the right rhythm, he found himself repeating steps that lead nowhere but towards uncertainty, fear, and anger. He needed to try something different, needed to switch, before his doubts threatened to consume him whole.

Anakin mumbled something in his sleep and the blanket slipped from his shoulders. Despite yawning multiple times, he had refused to go to bed, wanting to stay up with Obi-Wan. A smile sneaked itself onto Obi-Wan’s face when he wrapped Anakin in a blanket, only for the boy to snuggle up to him, searching for another source of heat. Anakin was struggling at the Temple, not just because of all the years he’d missed out on, but because of he was fighting against the horrors he had already endured.

It was a Master’s duty to protect their Padawan, carry the weight of the galaxy on their back so that a student could learn to thrive in their own time.

Anakin shouldn’t be forced to helplessly watch Obi-Wan die.

He picked up Djem So the following day when Anakin was in class. He needed a weapon that wasn’t restrained to one area, something that would teach him to stand his ground, defend, and attack at the same time. Nobody commented on the fact that it was particularly well-suited for lightsaber combat.

(They didn’t need to. Obi-Wan knew what he was doing.)

Resilience

Anakin was an angry child. He could feel his rage boiling beneath his skin like a sun, scorching, burning all that it touched when he lost control and lashed out. Even when he didn’t mean to, it just all rose to the surface and Anakin exploded, the weight of the universe behind him, ready to drown out everyone and everything within range.

It exhausted him.

In the aftermath of his tantrums, be they because of selfish and uncaring politicians or because the other Padawans kept pushing him and Anakin thought he couldn’t keep up, it all ended similarly.

Anakin, on his own, choking on tears he didn’t dare cry because he still tasted Tatooine on his tongue and heard his mother’s voice in his ears, reminding him to be careful with his heart. This didn’t feel like keeping his soul safe and his mind moonlit instead of sun-starved.

The Force called him by a name and fate Anakin felt much too small for and he didn’t know how to handle it, how to endure, how to stop breaking.

He curled his left hand to a fist, his nails dug crescent marks into his skin as he waited for Obi-Wan to scold him. His Master was the best the Order had and Anakin wanted to live up to all his expectations, but so very often, he felt as if he were failing him instead.

“I don’t think this is working out,” Obi-Wan commented and turned off his lightsaber, clipping it to his belt again.

Anakin bit his lips, stared at his feet. Obi-Wan was finally allowing Anakin to specialize in a lightsaber form after years of training, and he couldn’t keep up, follow Obi-Wan as naturally as he should. He was good in combat, one of the best in his age group, and yet Anakin struggled when he shouldn’t, too quickly overcome by the need to lash out.

“Anakin, are you sure you want to specialize in Djem So?”

He looked up and instead of seeing Obi-Wan’s disappointment, he found interest instead.

“Yes!” Anakin replied quickly. “Of course! I can do it, I swear, I just need more training.”

“I don’t doubt your capabilities, Anakin. You’d be a formidable fighter. I just wonder whether another form wouldn’t suit you more.”

Confused, Anakin searched for the signs of a joke in Obi-Wan’s expression, but he was dead serious. “Like what?” Anakin asked.

“Soresu,” Obi-Wan answered. “You’re quick, but your speed often leads to you getting overeager. You have a lot of energy and could easily outlast any opponent if you contained yourself a little more and I think it would lift the stress of your shoulders.”

“I’m not stressed,” Anakin protested immediately, pretending he wasn’t lying to himself.

Obi-Wan cracked a slight smile at that and playfully tugged at Anakin’s braid before he could duck away. “I apologize for making such an assumption, Padawan. I know you demand more of yourself than anyone else, but you need not be sword and shield at the same time. Grow for yourself first and the galaxy after.”

Obi-Wan’s words made sense, somehow. Anakin had always thought that Soresu was kind of boring, but maybe he did need just a bit of a break, time to calm down and learn how to breathe again without sand forcing its way down his throat. And if Anakin’s defense got a bit better, he might be able to finally stop all of Obi-Wan’s attacks. He could always switch to another Form later.

“Okay,” he agreed. “What’s the first stance?”

(Anakin never did end up switching his fighting style, relying on the steady beat of drums to keep his head clear and his thoughts structured when the world seemed so keen to break him apart. He did not jump into battle against the traitorous Jedi, the Sith, remaining at his Master’s side.

And when they drop a small spitfire Padawan in front of him in the middle of a war that had already claimed too many lives, he hoped he could teach her this lesson as well.)

[vagrantblvrd]

Obi-Wan raises Luke instead of Owen and Beru, please.

Oooh, nice.

Because I am That Person I want to do the Satine lives AU (I haven’t finished Clone  Wars yet, but one of my friends has Strong Opinions about similar AUs).

Obi-Wan doesn’t leave the Jedi Order to be with her,because Duty, and all that with the war, but perhaps once the war is over he can?

But then Anakin falls to the Dark Side and it’s decided to separate the twins. Leia goes to Bail and Breha, and Obi-Wan is supposed to take Luke to Tatooine to be raised by his aunt and uncle, but.

Obi-Wan’s in his ship leaving Coruscant after losing Anakin the way he did and it isn’t a conscious decision really, that has him putting in the coordinates for Mandlore, doesn’t even register until his droid is like ??? and he sees what he’s done, and has this moment of oh, I didn’t mean to do that, did I?

He means to fix it, input the coordinates for Tatooine, a weavin winding path in case he’s followed, but stops to think about it.

It makes sense to take Luke there, no one would think to look for him, but the thought of leaving Luke, one of the last pieces of Anakin left to him to be raised by people who wouldn’t understand him leaves him with a bad taste in his mouth.

Regret, guilt, for failing Anakin so completely, and it’s like. Anakin has ties to Tatooine that someone smart enough might look into, might find Luke, but Mandalore? That complicated mess is all Obi-Wan’s now.

And it’s selfish, he’s being selfish, not wanting to give Luke up, thinks about the Order and attachments, but look where it got them in the end, you know? (His foundations have been rocked, shattered beneath his feet but if he thinks on it there were cracks, fault-lines long before that.)

So.

He calculates s winding, weaving course to Mandalore and goes to Satine where they raise Luke as their foundling, right?

They keep the whole...Jedi thing on the down-low, because ancient enemies but Obi-Wan and Satine’s inner circle know, because how couldn’t they?

Obi-Wan may go by a different name these days, but it’s close enough to his real name it wouldn’t take much thought to connect the two. Also, his face???

And Luke okay. Obi-Wan teaches him to control his Jedi abilities and such from an early age, but he couches it in games and play and all Mr. Miyagi with his wax on, wax off schtick kid of deal to keep Luke from accidentally giving away the fact he’s strong in the Force and so on.)

Meanwhile there’s an effort to dial back the animosity towards the Jedi, which meets with mixed results, because people. Also, also, over the years Obi-Wan encourages Satine to mend the rift between her followers and those exiled to Concordia.

Also, with mixed results, but with the Empire’s numbers growing it seems like a mistake to allow Mandalore to be divided.

They reach some kind of understanding, not entirely reconciled, but better than things were before.

In another meanwhile, Luke is being raised as a Mandalorian, and like Obi-Wan earns a set of armor.

But then!

The Purge happens, and in the chaos Luke is separated from Obi-Wan and Satine, the other Mandalorians.

He has his armor and a ship and the lightsaber that belonged to his father Obi-Wan shoved into his hands before they were separated.

Has to hide from the Empire because one thing Obi-Wan made sure he knew from a young age is that he couldn’t all ow himself to be captured by them, that they’d be looking for him.

(And on some lonely nights after the Purge when his nightmares seem more real than usual, some part of him wonders if the Purge happened because Mandalore refused to join with the Empire, or if someone found out about him?)

Anyway.

Mandalorians and the reputation for being fierce fighters and skilled bounty hunters and Luke is truly alone for the first time in his life. Little money to his name and his ship can only get so far before it runs out of fuel, and he needs ammunition and food to eat, and it’s just.

He finds work s a bounty hunter, and the first few bounties are part of a learning process. Thank goodness for his armor or he’d have been dead dozen times over the first month.

Still.

He’s been raised as a Mandalorian his whole life, maybe saw himself as an outsider because his Force abilities and the secrets Obi-Wan kept even from him, but he’s been training as a warrior his whole life.

(Pacifists, yes, but the galaxy is a dangerous place and perhaps more so for someone like Luke, so.)

Between the regular weapons and hand-to-hand and whatnot and Obi-Wan’s instruction with his Force abilities and his father’s lightsaber he’s quite the dangerous individual.

He keeps running into this Corellian smuggler and his Wookie co-pilot, and sometimes he turns a blind eye to their antics if he’s tracking someone else. (In return Han’s willing to let information slip to Luke, for the price of a drink or a meal, and of course he’d never say no to an outright gift of credits, so.)

There’s a miscommunication on a job, once. Luke after a bail jumper and this other Mandalorian with a silver helmet who wants the pilot Luke’s bounty hired.

There’s a bit of a fight, nothing serious before it occurs to Luke that the aforementioned pilot looked a little too panicky at the sight of the other Mandalorian to be fully innocent. (Also, it’s Mos Eisley. Innocent people are exceedingly rare here.)

It’s the first time Luke’s worked with another Mandalorian on a bounty, and it’s actually kind of nice. (Although he suspects the other Mandalorian may have ties to The Tribe, but it’s the least of his problems at the moment and the man makes for good company.)

Anyway, anyway, at some point Luke runs into Ahsoka - and he knows her. Obi-Wan and his secrets and she’s safe, she can help him.

At first she’s reluctant, because look what happened to Anakin, what if she’s resposnsible for the same happening to Luke? But he finds a way to convince her - stubborn like Anakin, if not worse - and she takes up his training where Obi-Wan left off.

She’ll lave from time to time because Rebellion shenaigans, and sometimes Luke goes along to help.

And then word through Luke or Ahsoka’s contacts about Leia being taken prisoner and important plans and they’re so far out they might not make it in time.

“I know someone who might help?” Luke offers, because he and Han are hardly friends (they kind of are though), and the Falcon is one of the fastest ships out there even if she doesn’t look like it.

So, side trip to Tatooine and Han is just “Oh, come on, you too? What is with today?” because Greedo and Luke being a bounty hunter and Ahsoka is super unimpressed.

Once Luke explains what he needs, Han is like “NO,” but Luke convinces him and Han reluctantly agrees (but then Jabba and that whole mess and it’s kind of a disaster getting off Tatooine but they make it so everything’s fine.

Before they leave though, there’s this weird hermit they run into and emotional reunions because Obi-Wan and he thought Luke was dead and what has he been doing? Also it’s very nice to see you again, Ahsoka, you look well.

Luke going up to the cockpit to give them privacy for their part of the reunion and sharing information and all that.

And then rescuing Leia and Luke in his beskar getting between Obi-Wan and Vader even though both Obi-Wan and Ahsoka are incredibly not happy about that, but some people there were just going to let the sith lord kill them, and Luke is just how about no???

(Satine would never forgive Obi-Wan something like that Luke’s sure, and according to Obi-Wan she’s back on Tatooine still, so.)

Leia gets rescued and the Rebellion’s down a few pilots and oh, hey, Luke’s kind of not bad at that whole deal?

Obi-Wan’s needed as a strategist - and honestly, no one wants him out of sight after the whole thing on the Death Star - and Ahsoka with her Rebellion Thing.

Han comes back to save Luke’s life and Luke destroys the Death Star and happy ending for now?

But Luke knows there’s something about Vader and Luke himself that has Obi-Wan and Ahsoka deeply worried. (When he thinks about it there are a few reasons why that might be, but he does his best not to dwell on it.)

Anyway.

The usual Star Wars shenanigans but with Mandalorian!Luke with his armor and whatnot.

Confrontations between Luke and Vader go a little differently because of Luke’s armor? But the hand thing still happens because parallels or some nonsense, idk.

(Anakin’s not the only one who has to remove their helmet on the second Death Star and so on.)

Leia has mixed feelings about the whole Boba Fett putting Han in carbonite because Luke’s used the same method on some of his bounties in the past. (The violent dangerous ones that posed a risk to him transporting them the guild, though, but it doesn’t matter to Leia at the time.)

After the destruction of the second Death Star there’s talk, idle, unsure about forming a school to teach the next generation of Jedi?

Because Force-sensitive kids and there must be a better way, a balance between the ole Jedi Order and a new one.

Until then, Luke is curious about the whole Jedi thing, goes looking for relics and whatnot. (Maybe does some bounty hunting every so often, because why not.)

Satine wants to go back to Mandalore, help her people if she can and Obi-Wan goes with her because not a lot of reason to stick around Tatooine otherwise.

And then!

This call for help through the Force and Luke following it to an Imperial light cruiser and Din being very, very confused at seeing a Mandalorian with a lightsaber?

Is it like Bo-Katan’s Darksaber? Will one of them have to change? So confused. (Also though, possible concussion from his fight with the Dark Trooper, but yes.)

“Are you a Jedi?” Din asks, feeling that it’s a valid question because Mandalorians and Jedis and ancient enemies????

And yet.

Luke is like, hey, it’s you! Because silver helmet and remember that time we got into a fight on Tatooine? But also, also, hello Aunt Bo-Katan and friends.

Mainly though, Grogu who is kind of losing his tiny little mind because Mandalorian? But also Jedi? But Mandalorian???

And then shenanigans in which Luke is like, huh, about the Darksaber and poor Din who wants nothing to do with it. His adopted mother who wants to help her people but afraid they won’t listen to her after what the Empire’s done them and is like.

Strangely convenient, but he’ll take it.

They stop by the closest New Republic planet or outpost to hand Gideon and whatever other Imperials are still on board over and then head to Mandalore.

Din is still so very confused, but it doesn’t seem like Luke plans to take Grogu away and he’ll take what he can get. (So sure Luke will take Grogu far away at some point, but tries not to think too hard about that.)

And then the whole working at calling Mandalorians home - Din is super unsure about being the new ruler of Mandalore, but once Bo-Katan and Satine have a chat about the fure of their world they’re like, “He’s perfect for the role.”

Just needs a little help, and with them and Obi-Wan and other trusted people to help him, something great could come of it.

Luke stays on Mandalore - his home more than anywhere else in the galaxy - and he and Obi-Wan train Grogu. Ahsoka too, when she visits.

Once Mandalore and its people are more settled there’s talk of joining the New Republic, right?

Leia as the New Republic’s representative, and Obi-Wan one of Din’s advisors, negotiators and it seems as though good things will happen there too.

But!

Also!

Luke who grew up on Mandalore helping introduce Din to it? Teach him about this world he’s never seen, but is important in its own way more than ever now.

And little Grogu and all that.

Keldabe kisses in a courtyard on a night when Luke’s meditating outside, Din restless after tucking Grogu in and happens across Luke.

Understands that Luke doesn’t follow the Creed the way Din does, but he was raised as a Mandalorian and Din’s seen him in his helmet more often than not and anyway.

Luke meditating in the moonlight and while Din was worried he might have interrupted, Luke opens his eyes and smiles, something about it drawing Din closer.

And it’s.

There’s been so much Pining, but this is Luke, and anyway, keldabe kisses, and Luke laughing at Din being so flustered by it, but Luke’s laughter is shaky, breathless and really, the man’s a hypocrite.

Still, the two of them stay like that for a little while longer.

[thefoundationproject]

Hii it's the anon again! Honoured that my word vomit could inspire something so wonderful!

I love the touch of what I'm guessing is Guinea Pig! Domino Twins and Tooka!Jesse witnessing the convo. Neyo snuggling with the Domino twins is adorable. Jesse collecting blackmail probs (Uhm getting the Bacara and Rex origin story? Human Jesse would never dream to be this lucky!). Someone else is probably trying to figure out how to decursify them, probably (Is it Kix? Or dear god Hardcase?!?) Neyo and Rex bonding the Neyo Way™️. Love to see it. Neyo used to be so terrible at socialising, but look at him now! Making CT friends left and right! They'll study his methods in sociology class I bet ya! He should teach.

Bacara and Rex having physical contact after so long apart is just amazing and heartbreaking. Bacara knowing goodbye is coming but he's leaving in such a good place compared to how he left, in all aspects, so it's best case scenario considering.

The fact that you got so much character development out of my braimworm is just !!!! Bacara the baby bean feeling guilty that Rex didn't tell his brothers. The line about how close he knows Rex is with the Shebse and not being able to see any other reason as to why he would hide it. Him thinking of Neyo as "people who are important to Bacara". Bacara knowing by the end of ARC training that Rex was it for him. Love all of it.

Also love how insightful Neyo is about other people's relationships yet watch him when he gets his own Sexy Sidearm. Though here it fits because Neyo knows what it's like to be alone and having/wanting to prove yourself on your own (ouch why did I hurt myself like that), so he saw Rex's reasoning. Him and Rex have some similarities in the needing to prove themselves regard that I've noticed over time.

Pointing out all the Shebse had something to prove because of 17 organising ARC training hadn't even crossed my mind, but so true! Though this brings into question if a certain Alpha-17 should be the first recipient of the 'who knew Rex'ika had a boyfriend and didn't tell Ponds' interrigation call.

Writing is amazing as always espescially when it involves Rex/Bacara, Neyo and Healthy Adult Communication. Inject it.

Thank you!!

Hello again! The idea had been a wee bit of an idea, but after your comment it went suddenly off the rails!

The guinea pig!Domino Twins jokeis one I’ve wanted to make for a long time (they were originally hamsters, and then fancy rats, before they were guinea pigs) and Neyo rolled in and presented the best possible reasoning. Are these truly Torrent ARCs shapeshifted? Has he ARC-napped Rex’s ARCs and is pretending some fluffy critters he’s borrowed from someone are them? Is that lettuce he sharpied ‘cursed’ actually cursed? The galaxy may never know. (If someone is working to decursify them, it’s probably a joint Hardcase-Anakin-Kix adventure. And boy wouldn’t that be a hecking adventure!!!!)

Rex is getting a crash-course in how to be mine-d by Neyo. Very different from his past experience being mine-d by Ponds and Cody (and Bly and Wolffe, but I’d love to see someone accuse them of being as mine-y as Ponds. Even if Wolffe totally raised Rex. (Ponds helped.)) Neyo’s bonding techniques are a wonder of the modern world. They should study his methods to try to see at what point they start to make any sense.

Bacara and Rex have a romance in the small things and I love it so much. It’s not really in the grand gestures, more in the little moments. The quiet touches, leaning against one another, little private smiles. And the important thing is that ‘knowing goodbye is coming’ doesn’t stop them from enjoying the now. They won’t let what-ifs control the present and that’s definitely something I admire. And Bacara! Being so cautious with his heart but falling fast and hard anyway, and Rex falling just as quickly just ah. I love them. (Also Neyo is definitely Bacara’s people, no argument at all).

Neyo’s incredibly observant! Just … he’s also Vode and vode have some certain genetic predispositions to flailing, romantic shenanigans and some shades of obliviousness. So Neyo is incredibly observant about others, and because I have A Brand he’s also very much going to be flailing along in his own relationship development because I find the Dramatique hilarious.

(Neyo probably knew every single possible detail about Rex before the end of that first tenday. Here was this little CT kid, running with the CCs. And what’s more, running with the best of them (not that Neyo is bragging (he’s absolutely bragging).) This little CT who clocked Bacara as interesting nearly instantly, who started following after him with heart-eyes and wriggling his way into Bacara’s orbit … yeah, Neyo darn well learned everything about this guy immediately. Bacara deserves something genuine and Neyo just … had to make sure. He probably did see a lot of himself in that guy too.)

The Shebse’s Alpha is considered good enough to have his own elite training course. That means he’s at a certain level, and I’m sure there was the unspoken expectation that the Shebse would reflect that. So yeah, they would have thrown everything into ARC training, even if they didn’t have to. They all ended up in incredibly vital positions: they’re clearly excellent at their specialties. But it’s the principle of the thing.

(17 and Ponds I’m sure have many incredibly amusing conversations. I feel like Ponds might be the one who talks to 17 the most, given he has the most regular schedule of them all.)

Thank you very much! I’m prescribing HAC for everyone and then having to fill the prescriptions too but you know, that’s life sometimes.

Thank you!!!

[sonderwalker]

Europa or Saturn with Obi-wan? 👀

of course! thank you so much for asking!! ☾ from these prompts Saturn is my favorite planet! Saturn fun fact: if you could find a body of water large enough, Saturn would float! Saturn prompt: “Did you sleep at all last night?” ☾ The sunlight starting to creep in through his window was how Obi-Wan knew that he had stayed awake for far too long. He sighed, leaning back in his seat and rubbing his eyes. The tea at his desk had gone cold hours ago, back when it was still dark.

“Don’t stay up too late, otherwise you’re going to be cranky all day.” Anakin had told him as he gave him the steaming hot cup of tea.

Obi-Wan had laughed, and said that he wouldn’t. He said that he didn’t have the same bad habit that his former apprentice did, of getting so absorbed into something that nothing else mattered except for what was in front of him.

He yawned and looked down at his desk.

It seemed that he also had that same habit.

But there was more work than ever to be done, and with the order being pushed past what many considered its limit, they were all working harder than before. And Obi-Wan was on the council, responsible for more things at this point than he could count on two hands.

But he took it one thing at a time, methodically working through all of the reports and recordings and readings that he needed to. But there were only so many hours in the day, as Obi-Wan found to his annoyance, and he had spent almost all of them at his desk.

At the very least, he should get up and clean himself up a little. Trim his beard, comb his hair, and perhaps even cut it slightly, to stop that one strand that always seemed to fall in front of his face. 

Then, after getting another cup of tea, he could get back to work.

Obi-Wan stood up from the desk, trying to ignore the way his bones seemed to pop and ache more than usual. He stretched again, before sighing and relaxing his posture. 

“What happened to you?” He heard Anakin asked as he stepped out into the hallway and tried to walk towards the fresher.

“What- why are you up so early?” Obi-Wan quickly asked in return, shocked to see that Anakin was willingly awake at such an early hour in the morning.

“Master Windu has asked me to teach a class to a group of younglings, but you didn’t answer my question,” Anakin replied as he walked over towards Obi-Wan, stopping him from going any further.

“Did you sleep at all last night?” Anakin asked as he narrowed his eyes.

Obi-Wan huffed, trying to ignore the frustration that was rising within him.

Maybe Anakin was right- perhaps he was crankier when he hadn’t slept.

“I’ll take your silence as a ‘no’, then,” Anakin noted as he crossed his arms over his chest.

“You are the last person to be talking about healthy sleeping habits, Anakin,” Obi-Wan replied while rolling his eyes.

“Maybe so, but at least I don’t stay up all night reading reports,” Anakin said with a smug look on his face that quickly fell.

“Look, master, if you don’t stop working like this, then I’ll disable your datapad or something to get you to rest.”

“You wouldn’t dare,” Obi-Wan replied, narrowing his eyes at Anakin .

“Try me, Obi-Wan.” Anakin replied, smiling again.

Obi-Wan scoffed and looked away.

“I’m serious, master.” Anakin said softly after a moment of silence.

“You look like you’re about to fall over, just take the day off.”

Obi-Wan looked back up at Anakin, his expression softening. Neither of them exchanged any words, but they didn’t need to. Anakin stepped aside, letting Obi-Wan pass him, resting his hand on Obi-Wan’s shoulder for a moment.

And for that moment they stood there, and Obi-Wan looked at him again and nodded, then Anakin let go, and Obi-Wan continued walking, the door of the fresher sliding shut behind him.

And when Anakin returned after teaching the younglings, he stuck his head into Obi-Wan’s room, smiling when he saw that he was fast asleep under the covers of his bed.

[sirloozelite]

A Review of SWTOR

So, not too long ago, a pair of friends (frenemies more like) of mine were playing SWTOR... and suffice to say they would not shut up about it.  I’d always been aware of the game in the back of my mind, but it had never really appealed to me. MMO’s don’t really, as I would always be worried about random players sticking their nose in whilst I was trying to keep to myself. 

Still, my friends would not shut up about it, and they kept recommending it to me, despite my internal aversion to it.  Now, considering that they had both foolishly taken my advice on games to play in the past, I decided to return the favour and give SWTOR a chance. 

And boy was I glad I did.  Is SWTOR a good game? Yes... and no... and yes. It’s not perfect, it’s got problems, but it’s still a lot of fun, and I’m glad I’ve done at least one playthrough of the game. 

Upon loading up I of course had to choose what storyline I wanted to follow. Since both of my buddies had gone Jedi Knight, (though I’d argue that a certain someone made their Jedi about as deplorable as Anakin) I decided to be the awkward one and went Sith Inquisitor instead, and honestly... I think I chose perfectly!

Oh and... for those interested... here is my Inquisitor:

His name is the Sixteenth Brother! What’s his backstory? Well... that depends on who you ask! Some say he’s the 16th sibling of a Zabrak family... others say he chose the name to hide his true one. Some even say he’s a time traveller from a distant future sent back in time after accidentally finding a Sith relic in his time. Whatever the truth is matters little. All that matters is that he was great fun to play as. 

Oh and for the record, this review is based on a Free To Play experience and completion of the class storyline only. I’ve not touched the expansions yet, but intend to at some point. Any criticisms I have that are solved by subscribing are a moot point. Furthermore, it goes without saying but all of the below is my own opinions of the game. Doesn’t make them right or wrong.

The Good

There are many good things about SWTOR, almost too many to name. That said, there are some things I’d like to highlight.

The Story 

The first and foremost best thing about the game is of course, the story. Being a Bioware written game created at the same time as the Mass Effect trilogy, I expected a good story... and I was not disappointed by the tale of the Sith Inquisitor. It was the standard tale of a protagonist coming from lowly origins, in this case a slave, and advancing up the ladder of society. Nothing too revolutionary, but add in the Sith and the Empire and it was made all the more better. Frequently, poor 16th Bro would get hounded for being an alien, and each and every time he’d beat the odds, and then usually show mercy to those who had insulted him. (I played him mostly light side... though there were a few times I surrendered to the dark and zapped people)

The world building within the story was also top notch. Plenty of detail is hidden away in the codex, much like Mass Effect, but that didn’t mean there wasn’t stuff in the actual gameplay and story as well. I’d never really been a legends fan, and whilst I’m still not, I do see why a lot of people love these sorts of stories. I was invested, and that’s what mattered. 

Outside of the Sith Inquisitor, the very fact that there are seven other unique storylines and classes to play, as well as heavy character customization and role play more than make the game worthy of revisiting. There is a little bit of something for everyone it seems. 

The Characters

Another great strength of Bioware games is usually it’s characters, especially the protagonists companions. I can happily report that, at least for the Sith Inquisitor, the vast majority of the characters in the story were great. 

The three standout characters outside of the Inquisitor to me were Khem Val, Ashara Zavros and Talos Drellik. 

That’s not to say that Andronikos, Xalek, Zash and Thanaton weren’t good characters either, I just didn’t enjoy them as much as Khem, Ashara and Talos. 

Each character felt like they had their own arc. Khem Val growing to accept you as a Master and true successor to Tulak Hord was great, even if he and 16th Bro were constantly disagreeing about 16th’s methods. Despite his dislike of the decisions, I still sided with him when the time came to choose who got to control his body for good. 

Ashara going from “I’m a Jedi and I won’t go against my teachings!” to “Peace is a lie!” was good development as well. I understand that some people don’t like this character much, but she was my go to companion most of the time. She’s not quite a Sith, but not quite a Jedi either, and that made for a perfect companion for the 16th Brother, as he was hardly a model Sith either. 

As for Talos... well... he’s an archaeologist and a historian... and I’ve got a degree in history... so of course I was going to love him! Plus he was eccentric as all hell and added a nice voice of humour to the crew. His personal story about him trying to find his old mentor and carry on his legacy was heartfelt too.

As for everyone else, I was invested in their characters, don’t get me wrong, just not as much as the others. Both Zash and Thanaton were good villains that I took pleasure in ending, and Andronikos and Xalek got their fair amount of use on the field and in the ship. Everyone was friends at the end after all. 

The Voice Acting

The other good point I’d like to highlight is the voice acting, particularly that of the male Sith Inquisitor. I’ve heard people say the female voice is better, but for my experience the male Inquisitor was the perfect match of sass and sarcasm. It made every scene with him in enjoyable to watch. RPG games were a single protagonist can get a bit boring sometimes. Commander Shepard suffers from this in Mass Effect at times. I never got that feeling with the Inquisitor though. He was hilarious from the second he stepped off the shuttle on Korriban and sassed Overseer Harkun (who I totally zapped to death) to the moment he took his seat on the dark council with a surprised Pikachu look on his face. 

So yeah... super credit to Euan Morton for making the Inquisitor the dark master of sass and sarcasm! 

Outside of the Inquisitor, I can say that all the other VA’s did a great job too. I can’t think of any character that had particularly bad voice acting off the top of my head. 

Other Good Stuff

Outside of the three things I mentioned, SWTOR also has plenty of content to offer for everyone. If you want to do main missions, sure! Side quests? Sure! Space combat missions? Yep! Whatever you fancy, it’s there. There is no shortage of content to enjoy for hours on end, even as a Free To Play player like I was. 

The Bad

And now to most likely upset some people... sorry about that, but no game is perfect, and SWTOR has some flaws that could put people off playing it. This stuff is by no means a game breaking deal for me, but it did annoy me and I felt like it needed addressing. 

The Game is Tedious

My biggest complaint is that at times, usually after an hour of playing, the game can become tedious and boring to play! There were times it felt like a chore honestly, and I hate saying that because SWTOR is a good game. 

The main reason for it feeling so tedious though comes down to how you move around the maps. When you can, fast travel is your best friend and can save a lot of time, however, not everywhere has a fast travel point near it. 

This is where speeders come into play. You can buy one for a reasonable amount of credits, and they are faster than walking for sure, but not by much. 

The problem with the speeders is that it is so easy to get shot off of one by one of the random enemies you are trying to drive past (and believe me there are hundreds of them!) that is becomes aggravating to move around the map from objective to objective. Avoiding enemies isn’t hard for sure, but sometimes you have to go right past them, and after hours of fighting enemies it can get a bit tedious being shot off your speeder in one shot just because you didn’t want to waste time fighting an enemy. Once you hit your level cap, fighting random enemies is pointless after all. 

Maybe that’s just me though. I’d personally make the speeders a bit more durable. One tiny shot shouldn’t disable your speeder. Heavy fire... sure!  Doesn’t help that sometimes you can tank a bunch of shots on your speeder and escape without being knocked off, but then on another occasion you’ll be knocked off by a sneeze. 

Either way, movement around the maps can get annoying as all hell, but at least the scenery is pretty. 

The Planets

Now don’t get me wrong, I like all the planets I went to... mostly... and my issue isn’t with the planets in general. 

It’s with how bloody long it takes to complete them all.

The Story Arc quest lines for each planet can take forever sometimes and they end up going on a bit too long if you ask me. Alderaan and Hoth are the two that come to my mind the most. It felt like I spent weeks on those planets driving back and forth between areas to do simple tasks for little reward. Plus the sheer number of side quests didn’t help. I stopped doing everything that wasn’t a story or Arc quest once I hit Hoth!

Don’t get me wrong, I like side quests for sure... I just don’t like them to drag on forever! In a lot of ways, SWTOR reminds me of Mass Effect Andromeda. That game too also had side quests that went on forever. 

My one piece of advice to nay new players for SWTOR would be to ignore the side quests and focus solely on your class story quests and planet Arc quests instead. If you try and do everything, you’ll burn yourself out quickly. Unless you are a completionist of course. In that case go nuts! XD

Other Bad Stuff

Aside from my two big gripes above, which are honestly minor in reality, the only other issues I really have with the game are the boring side objectives in some missions. Nine times out of ten they equate to ‘kill a bunch of dudes’. They are easy enough to complete, as you’ll be killing things anyways, so you don’t really need to put any real thought into completing most of them. They just feel tacked on and rather pointless honestly. 

The Ugly

And now the ugly stuff. This is stuff that is between good and bad. Bad as in they annoyed me, but good as in I understand why others like them or they improved over time. 

The User Interface

Oh god the UI! When I first started the game it was so overwhelming! Pop-ups everywhere! Hundreds of tabs and side bars and tutorial boxes being spammed my way. It was not friendly to a new player who had literally just jumped in. If I hadn’t played games like Civ or XCOM in the past I might not have been able to cope with how much stuff was going on at once. 

Luckily, after a few hours of play, I began to understand the UI a bit more and became comfortable with it. I knew what was where and what did what, as well as what I didn’t need. (any PvP stuff for example) Plus the ability to edit the interface to your own liking helped a lot as well, so it wasn’t a complete lost cause, just overwhelming at first. 

Flashpoints and Heroic Missions

So, these missions are designed to be played with other players online, clearly. They can be done solo, but they take forever to do so. Endless hordes of high HP enemies, including even higher HP boss fights is not that entertaining to me, and thus very quickly became boring to me. Artificial difficulty in a way. Plus if you do die, it ain’t half a pain in the ass to get back to where you were, only to find that boss that had 5% health left when it killed you is now back to 100%. 

I gave up doing these sorts of missions and have no intention of returning to them unfortunately, which is a shame as some of the flashpoints have actual important story content in them. 

Still, if unlike me you actually have friends to help you with these, then I get why you like them, and more power to you. I just don’t enjoy them much. 

The Soundtrack

And now to really upset some people. Look... I like John Williams music scores as much as the rest of the fandom does. That said, there were places in SWTOR where it showed up and really really did not work! It almost felt like the game was just spamming random iconic tracks that sort of fit the scene, but really didn’t. 

The biggest one for me that didn’t work was the final duel against Darth Thanaton in the Dark Council Chambers. During the cutscene between the two fighting, the music started on ‘The Final Duel’ from ROTJ when they were fighting, and they suddenly it shifted to the theme from Padmés funeral when Thanaton was overpowered! I mean, I get what they were going for with the music, but the sudden shift between tracks was unceremonious and didn’t work. If they were going to use licensed movie music then they should have just chosen one track and stuck with it rather than jumping between two!

Furthermore, to me those themes were written for specific scenes in their respective movies, and thus were created to fit those scenes, not random SWTOR scenes. If anything, the entire scene should have had it’s own score written for it rather than just reuse movie tracks instead!

That said, whenever the game does use original music that isn’t from the movies, it’s fine! The ambient background for the planets is great, Alderaan’s especially, and I hated that planet! They clearly had the talent of music directors to write Star Wars sounding music, so I don’t fully get why they didn’t just go with original music all the way rather than just reuse John Williams music instead. I don’t know if they didn’t have enough money or something. If that was the case then I’d understand. 

So yeah, the music is a 50/50 for me. The original music is great. The movie music is still great, it’s just not used right. 

Other Ugly Stuff

WASD controls. They aren’t game breaking, but I’m not a great fan of them. They make my wrist hurt. I adapted, like I did with the UI, so it’s not really a big issue, but I know it could put one or two people off playing it. 

Another minor gripe is a consequence of the game being an RPG within an MMO. Other players are running around, often doing the same objectives as you. They can steal your objectives before you, forcing you to wait around for them to respawn so you can do them yourselves. Luckily there is usually other stuff to do in the meantime, and the re-spawn timer is smallish, so it’s not a huge problem. Just an unfortunate consequence. 

Conclusion

So... would I recommend playing SWTOR to people? Yes! I would. It’s a good game, even with it’s flaws. I had a lot of fun running through the Sith Inquisitor’s storyline, and I learnt a lot about the game for any future playthroughs I do. I know what to expect now and what to stay away from, so hopefully whatever class I choose to do next will be full of less annoying little things. 

That said, considering how long it took me to do the Inquisitor’s story, I feel like I’m gonna need a serious break before I can play another class. I was almost burnt out when I finished the Inquisitor, and I’ve still got the two free expansions to go!

So yeah... all in all, SWTOR is a good game,. I’d recommend it, and I’m glad I gave it a fair chance. It’s not in my top 10, but it’s one to return to. :)

So, if you’ve ever thought about trying out SWTOR before but were apprehensive about it, then I’d encourage you to give it a shot. It is free after all! Unless you subscribe. But you can at least try it for free! Bonus I say! XD

[val-aquenta]

And hey! Bet you didn’t expect a double update, but hey I got inspired. Here for the prompt of non-attachment for Jedi June.

here on ao3

Aayla Secura:

Aayla sat on the spire, exposed to the winds high up here. The ribbons and thread tied to the barrier in front of her almost reached her face where she sat. She thought that, if she tried hard enough, she might be able to pick out her Master's ribbon, a bright yellow embroidered with green. The end, like all other beads, would hold one bead from their braids. Quinlan had said he’d chosen his piloting bead to be left up here, tinkling with the rest, considering all the help that Tholme had done to get him through piloting. Another one she thought she might recognise was a dark purple ribbon with gold beads and a large green one, carved with the symbol for lightsaber studies, likely Master Windu’s ribbon. 

Aayla's ribbon sat in her hand, a bright blue with a few dark brown beads and one rather large grey one dedicated to her general education. She thumbed the bead thoughtfully, rubbing a finger across the smaller brown beads. On the eve of knighthood, they were meant to come here, meditate, tie their ribbon and leave it behind. Part of their life was ending and they couldn’t bring it with them always. Quinlan had done so, meditating for two hours before wandering back down, still as carefree and Quinlan as before. 

Aayla wasn’t so sure she could do the same. So much of her life had been defined by Quinlan. He’d rescued her with Master Tholme, and when Quinlan had felt experienced and ready to teach, he’d taken her on as a Padawan. He’d helped her work through her feelings surrounding twi’lek and their culture. The man had helped her through every obstacle, and she no longer knew if she could leave him behind. Aayla was frightened that if she let him go here, she would be unable to care like she used to before. She looked at her blue string, sparsely tied with brown beads.

Aayla supposed, however, that it was something she had to do. Her past was defined by Quinlan, that was a fact. Her future did not have to be, but it certainly could be if she desired. It was a risk that she had to take. Her Master wouldn’t be hers anymore, but they could still be in each other's life nonetheless. 

“I can let you go.” She mumbled under her breath, tracing the edges of brown beads. “I will let you go.” She continued mumbling, closing her eyes and her hands moving almost of their own accord. “I am letting you go.” Her hands tied a knot, familiar and common throughout the universe. “I have let you go.” She blinked, her hands back on her lap and her string fluttering in the breeze. The light caught another Jedi’s translucent beads, reflecting it in all hues across the spire and Aayla smiled. She was to be a Knight soon, a Jedi apt for solo missions. Her future awaited. She took a moment to bask in the sun, breathing in the peace up here, far away from most people before she stood and began her walk down the spire. 

Mace Windu:

Mace Windu had climbed the spire an hour ago. It was so quiet and he was alone up here. In his pocket, the ribbon weighed heavier than it should. It was purple and gold, what Cyslin said were his colours. He’d honoured his Master with the green mastery bead and, when he’d shown his ribbon to her, Cyslin had gotten slightly teary-eyed, tracing the gold beads with her finger. “It’s wonderful, my Padawan.” She had looked up from the ribbon, purple eyes focusing on him. “I’m proud of you.” Her praise was offered with a smile and Mace had ducked his head, slightly embarrassed before looking at her with gratefulness. She’d affectionately brushed his braid before pushing him out the door and up the tower. 

Now he sat, staring at his hands. He had never really thought about Cyslin and his relationship in connection with how it would continue in the future and, truth be told, he was rather frightened. They were friends, almost equals, so he knew that it was likely that they would remain in contact at the very least, but he knew that some of the closeness would be gone. 

Cyslin’s ribbon had not been described to him, and he could not pick it out from the bunch, but the entire picture of it was rather beautiful. Different colours and different additions. There was beading, embroidery, little bells that tinkled in the breeze, or even lace. Mace brushed his hand through the bunch, feeling the little beads and bells brush against his fingers. There were stories, he was sure, related to every scrap of fabric or thread. That distressed green fabric with embroidered flowers, that braided yarn with an odd combination of silver, brown, red, and pink, even the strange stiff twisted material that twirled and twirled in the wind. Perhaps, he thought, he might draw this. Mace took what he would term a mental screenshot of the image, willing himself to remember. 

Stiff fingers went to his ribbon and pulled it out, admiring the colours once more. It felt too heavy for such a small thing. Mace turned it over and over idly as he thought it over. He was certain that both he and Cyslin would remain friends at the very least. Cyslin was close with her former Padawan Ileria, so there was no reason for him to think that he would not be welcome either. His hands stopped turning over the ribbon and leaned forwards, tying the ribbon in the middle of a bunch where there was an empty place, likely where an old ribbon had frayed and flown away. 

It felt almost too easy, and Mace was worried he was half-assing it. He watched the ribbon fluttering in the breeze, dancing this way and that way before he turned his eyes over the Coruscant horizon. He wouldn’t say that Coruscant’s horizon was the prettiest, not by far as Lathle and its moons existed after all, but Mace would venture and say that most Jedi found it comforting for its sense of home. The hum of speeders was… audible but hardly so. Most of all, the wind was what he heard. 

Mace took a moment to breathe in the air, polluted by the Coruscanti population, before he stood up. He brushed some of his hair, looking at his braid for a moment. Mace looked at the length, noting how it was somewhat shorter than most, but filled with threads and braids. It would be gone soon. He stretched his back and took one last look over the horizon, before turning and walking down the stairs once more. 

Luminara Unduli:

Many mirialans had similar knighthood ribbons. They usually had a base that was the colour of their skin or their lightsaber colour, with black beads and a personal touch. Luminara hadn’t done that. She was known by most of the temple as a more traditional mirialan, wearing the traditional garb, headdress, and jewellery. It did not make her a ‘better’ mirialan, Luminara thought, simply another one. Because of that, her ribbon had been inspired by the jewellery. Gold, black and red with hints of green. It had been somewhat expensive and she knew there would be some Jedi who would disapprove, but she did not care. They followed their Jedi path their way, and she followed hers.

The ribbon had been switched for black fabric, similar to the heavy garments she would often wear. Clipped on were some mirialan badges of gold and black design, the ends had been embroidered with mirialan runes of acceptance in both red and green, and finally her mastery bead of a deep red as a finishing touch. It wasn’t over the top, not for her, but someone would have something to say about it. In Luminara’s opinion, her culture was an important aspect of her apprenticeship and not including it would be extremely strange considering how much it influenced her life in general and her life as Jedi. 

However, with the apprenticeship ending soon, Luminara wondered whether that would change. Having a mirialan Master meant that they understood the importance of their own culture, and she wondered if she might have difficulty connecting to her culture when her Master wasn’t there to help. They had been vital in establishing the interest in her culture and she worried that once her apprenticeship ended part of her would be unable to connect as she had before. 

Regardless, Luminara knew she was to be a Knight and it would come with some risks she had to be brave enough to take. Master Laetur had often said she lacked determination and that she could lose hope and be disillusioned too quickly, but Luminara knew she had to do this. Her fabric was tied onto the rail next to another mirialan’s ribbon carefully. The badges meant it did not flutter in the breeze as most did but that did not matter. She let her fingers linger over the heavy material for just a moment before she was turning and heading down the spire.

Anakin Skywalker:

Anakin’s meditation was… not exactly there. It wasn’t grand, and there wasn’t much of it. He knew what was expected. To spend at the very least an hour, more likely two, contemplating his relationship with his Master, and then letting it go. Acknowledging that it was ending and it would not be the same. Anakin had tied his orange thread, Naboo pendants and one mastery bead on it, off first thing, figuring that he could always meditate deeper on it later. His knighthood was important and he had to reach it quickly. With the war going on, he was… well anxious to end it. For his wife and for the Republic.

He knew this whole thing was meant to symbolise letting go of the past in general, as well as being focused on the apprenticeship of the individual, but Anakin thought it was somewhat strange. Part of life was keeping what you had safe. Force knows he would do anything he could to keep Padmè safe, to keep their love alive. Padmè, Obi-Wan, and the Jedi were important to him, so it followed that he would try and keep them safe. 

Anakin clenched and unclenched his hand methodically on his lap. He was still getting used to the mech hand and, with both Padmè and Obi-Wan’s help, the process was getting easier. He knew that when he was Knight, and when he even became a Master, Obi-Wan would be there. The ginger man was a stable rock who would always be there for him. Anakin would always be there for Obi-Wan, and Obi-Wan would do the same. It was basic knowledge. Their apprenticeship might be almost over, but that did not mean they were going to be separated. 

Anakin took a gaze at his thread once more, where it sat, tied to a section of railing with few neighbours. He’d done what was expected of him on his path to knighthood, and now nothing was holding him off from becoming a Knight and soon a Master. He took a breath of the air, not fresh like it was on Naboo, before he stood up, stretching his back and walking back down. 

Obi-Wan Kenobi:

Obi-Wan did not get to wander up the spire prior to his knighthood as he dreamt of doing for so much of his life. Instead, Qui-Gon had been cut away from his life and become one with the Force in the space of one breath to the next. He traced Qui-Gon’s still hand, flinching at the cold that had replaced the warmth of life. He felt wrung out, tired from crying and feeling so much. “I wish you were here.” He whispered to the dark. “You would know what to do.” Qui-Gon did not respond, he never would. Not again.

Obi-Wan’s hand brushed away hairs from his face, looking at the still face, serene in death. He almost looked like he was sleeping. With the dark, the only light coming from the stars and moon out, he might as well have been. “I don’t know what to do,” Obi-Wan admitted, wondering if perhaps his heart still had to catch up with the knowledge that Qui-Gon was dead. Perhaps that was why he kept talking to the shell. It was that or the fact that he could not stand the quiet otherwise. 

Qui-Gon had once described the spire. Reminiscing on the threads that flew in the wind, some frayed and no longer recognisable, some new and so colourful. Beads that clacked against each other every time the wind blew. ‘It is… free up there. You could scream and no one would know.’ Qui-Gon had said. Obi-Wan had always wanted to go there, but he supposed he never would. He would be knighted on Naboo for killing the Sith, and then he would have a Padawan of his own. That was the plan. ‘Train the boy.’ Qui-Gon had also said, and Obi-Wan was loyal. Even though part of him was happy to train Anakin, the young child was quite adorable and had already made quite the impression, another part wanted to remain a Padawan and be able to climb the spire. He supposed, in its own twisted way, Qui-Gon’s death and his subsequent grief could be its own trip up the spire. A cruel lesson, but a lesson nonetheless. 

Obi-Wan bent his head until he could press a soft kiss against Qui-Gon’s forehead. “I miss you.” He rested his forehead against Qui-Gon’s. “Goodbye master.”

[gch1995]

“The people he spent most of his life with used children as combattants”

Not really though… you seem to believe the Jedi have always been soldiers and/or at war, which is not the case at all. Before the war started at the end of AotC, the Jedi have been mainly known as negotiators, helping resolve conflicts via diplomacy on various planets. And padawans learn by accompanying their masters on such missions. Otherwise they stay in the Temple. Their primary function is not to fight and lead armies. They’re called peacekeepers several times in the saga. And they’ve stated that they don’t like being made soldiers because of this war (who lets not forget is orchestrated by Palpatine who actually seeks the Order’s destruction, like, he obviously knew what he was doing by making them participate in it)

By the time of the Rots, they’ve been at war 3 years I believe, which is hardly most of Anakin’s life. He didn’t grow up in a war zone.

I mean, Qui Gonn and Obi Wan were chasing after a Sith to kill in The Phantom Menace, and Qui Gonn and Obi Wan left a defenseless 9 year old Anakin alone in a dangerous area to go fight them. In Attack of the Clones, before the war started they were chasing a criminal to kill to protect the Senator. Sure, it’s true that they weren’t in war until the end of Attack of The Clones, but they were still killing anyone they deemed to be a threat with those lightsabers of theirs on missions, and teaching their padawan, who were often children, to do the same when they brought them along on missions, so kids often saw a lot of violence happening on missions.

Anakin might not have seen the Jedi killing kids personally, but he knew all the recruits in their order were being trained as weapons to fight in war. He knew their lives were seen as expendable “for the greater good.” Even if they weren’t in war his whole time with them, he still went through plenty of trauma with Obi Wan as his padawan and saw plenty of violence.

Sure, he didn’t grow up in an active war zone, but he was still going through hell with other recruits as a kid, and then from his twenties to the end of his life, he was in battle. The Imperial army wasn’t above using children soldiers either. He was still being trained as soldier from his childhood with the other recruits just from being taught how to use a lightsaber to kill enemies alone.

I do get that the Jedi didn’t want to get involved in war, and that was through Palpatine’s manipulations, too. However, you really don’t think Anakin and those other kids went through serious trauma as padawan on those missions and didn’t have their lives endangered, too?

You also have the fact that Anakin had already come from a physically abusive and oppressive environment under Watto as a kid. While it’s up to you how much of it you consider canon, the Jedi were pretty horrible in their training methods with kids in those missions they sent them on alone in the original EU.

Look, I’m not saying that Anakin killing kids was okay at all. Obviously, it was wrong, and he knew it never felt right. He is guilty for doing that, regardless of the compromised agency to safely escape abusive relationships with authority, find healthy support, and his very poor emotional/mental health/stability (PTSD symptoms). He’s not unworthy of punishment for doing that. However, it does make sense that he would learn to justify them as “acceptable” and “necessary” sacrifices to preserve “the greater good” that Sidious told him he was serving, not just because of Sidious’s abuse and grooming of him for subservience to him as a weapon, but because the Jedi Order he grew up in taught him that same “greater good” mentality and exposed him and the other kids around him to violence too.

[hellowkatey]

Febuwhump Day 6

Prompt: Insomnia

Summary: The Disaster Lineage™ has a long history of being horrible at getting the sleep they need.

Read on AO3

Good Sleep is Hard to Find

"It's called insomnia, Obi-Wan," the Twilek healer looks unamused as she sits across from him. "And no, it's not normal."

Obi-Wan Kenobi doesn't particularly like going to the healers. In fact, he avoids them as much as he can. Unfortunately, in this case, Master Che cornered him as he left the training sala and practically dragged him by the ear to her office.

"It really is not too bad. I've grown accustomed to-"

"To what? Four hours of sleep? On a good night?" Master Che rolls her eyes. "You Jedi Knights are going to give me an aneurysm one day."

"I do hope not, Master. Then all of us would be walking around with untreated concussions and scantily wrapped blaster wounds."

She leans back in her chair, her bright blue eyes softening. "Yes, likely. Listen, I brought you here because your little late-night training sessions have found their way down the rumor mill. People are concerned for you."

Obi-Wan glances out the window at the darkened megapolis. He didn't think anyone knew he would go to the training rooms when he couldn't sleep. Though, nothing can really happen in this temple without every other knight and padawan hearing about it.

"I figured it was a good way to tire myself out."

"Well lucky for you, you won't have to do katas at three in the morning anymore," she reaches into her desk and slides two pill bottles across the table. Obi-Wan gingerly picks them up, looking up at her inquisitively. "One is a natural supplement. Think of it as your first line of defense. If you're not feeling tired at bedtime, take this first. It's the natural hormone your body produces to make you fall asleep. Very safe."

"Right. And this one?" he shakes the other. A flicker of a smirk appears on her lips.

"That's the good stuff. It should knock you right out, but only take one pill a night, max."

Seems easy enough. Obi-Wan looks between the two bottles, internally a little glad Master Che corralled him into here. He is not keen on drugs usually, but his current situation has become quite distressing... Maybe he'll finally get a decent sleep.

"And if neither work?" he asks, a little fearful of her answer.

"I'll be impressed if the second doesn't work, but I suppose I can teach your padawan how to do a proper sleep suggestion."

He points an accusatory finger at her. "You wouldn't dare!" The healer smiles fully now, shaking her head. As she looks at him longer, her smile fades again into sympathy.

"Obi-Wan, I do hope you plan on using these medicines. Insomnia is very common, and you are certainly not the only Jedi Knight on this regimen."

He sighs, clutching the bottles in his fist. "I just don't understand why I can't sleep, I suppose. Anakin tires me out his fair share, and I feel exhausted, I just can't seem to actually sleep."

"Well," she shifts in her seat. "It tends to get worse in times of stress-- like having a teenage padawan... or when processing trauma."

Red. So much red, and the sight of a lightsaber through Qui-Gon's abdomen flashes through his mind. He blinks away the image, though he knows it will be there in his dreams anyway. It always is. But he isn't here to discuss that, even if Master Che seems insistent on doing a full exam on him while she has him trapped in the halls.

"Right, well," he stands. "I should let you get your own sleep and try to get some of my own."

She looks a little disappointed as he pines for the door but she stands and they bow goodbye. "I don't want to hear about any more nighttime training sessions, Knight Kenobi. I have eyes and ears everywhere, you know."

He smiles. "Yes, Master Che, I understand."

Yet somewhere between the Halls of Healing and Obi-Wan's apartment, he seems to forget their understanding. He sits on his bed, staring at the bottles in either hand. The morning will be upon Coruscant in a short few hours, and he can't risk being knocked out and missing morning meditation and training with Anakin. He sets the bottle of sleeping pills on his side table and looks at the supplements. She claimed these were natural, only a mild aid... perhaps he can at least try these for his few hours of sleep.

They go down easy with water, and he lays on his back, staring up at the ceiling. His muscles are still buzzing from hours of repeating kata after kata, honing his acrobatics, and dueling with the training droids. It baffles him how his body can feel so exhausted but he doesn't find a wink of sleep. The reality of his sleeplessness is a number barely present in the back of his mind. He tries not to think about it as the hours tick up. Twenty-four hours. Thirty-six hours. Forty. Fifty. Sixty.

The worst part is he is trying to sleep. Truly. He wants nothing more than for his head to hit the pillow and to blink out of consciousness for a good six hours or so. But to no avail. He envies the other knights who have taught themselves to sleep whenever they can, wherever they can. In the deep wells of the Temple windows, pilot chairs of ships, standing up in some cases. Sometimes he is tempted to ask them their secret, but he suspects that just like he is wired to be awake forevermore, they are made to find their rest.

Everything is the will of the Force, isn't it? Qui-Gon always told him there was a reason for everything. A plan that he may not be able to see now, but later he will. His greatest comfort has always been that there will one day be a purpose for the agony he goes through. One day it will all make sense.

He closes his eyes. Maybe that will help. He doesn't feel drowsy but he isn't sure if he is supposed to with this supplement.

Obi-Wan can feel the edges of sleep nearby. He tries to grab them, hang onto the feeling of spiraling into blissful unconsciousness, but it's like a switch he can't reach. He rolls to his side, squeezing his eyes shut again. Tries to push out every thought from his mind, but somehow thinking about how he needs to think about nothing is more occupying to his mind than actually thinking about anything else.

So he lies there. Switches to his other side. Back to his back. Experiments with lying on his stomach, and decides it cranes his neck too much. And when he finds himself on his back for the third time he realizes the light has slowly crept into his room and Anakin's alarm is blaring on the other side of their apartment.

He sighs. Sits up and rubs his eyes. Fifty-five hours.

Obi-Wan struggles his way through their meditation. His heavy intake of caff made him jittery and his lack of sleep made getting a good grasp on the Force difficult. Even Anakin seemed to notice his lack of propriety, which only made Obi-Wan feel worse. After lunchtime, Obi-Wan goes to one of his knight elective courses. It's saber training concentrating on Form III, which he usually enjoys, but today he lingers near the back of the group. His vision is starting to get hazy, and things look as though they are moving when he knows they aren't. After getting hit by three training bolts that he should have been able to deflect, he decides to bench himself for the remainder of the class.

He has a feeling this will get back to Master Che, but he doesn't care anymore.

Anakin is back from his own classes when he gets back to his apartment. The padawan is lounging on the couch with a datapad balanced on his knees. When he sees Obi-Wan come through the door, he jumps up.

"Master you're back!" he says with more enthusiasm than Obi-Wan is used to from his teenage apprentice.

"Anakin, hello," he says, raising an eyebrow and glancing around the apartment. "What did you break?"

Anakin crosses his arms. "Why do you think I broke something?"

Obi-Wan sets down his training bag by the door. "Just a feeling, I suppose."

"Well a wrong feeling, Master," he says, walking with long strides into the kitchen. Yes, he is definitely up to something.

Anakin pulls out two plates, each with sandwiches stacked tall with meat. Obi-Wan also suddenly realizes the kettle is on the stove and two mugs are sitting out, prepped with tea bags.

"I asked one of the Masters what kinds of food help people go to sleep. They said turkey and chamomile tea are good," Anakin looks up at him hesitantly. "I thought maybe some turkey sandwiches and tea for dinner may help you... you know. Sleep better."

Obi-Wan feels like he might cry. He blames it on the sleep deprivation but seeing the effort Anakin put into a problem he had no idea his padawan even picked up on touches him. The boy can be a terror sometimes, but Qui-Gon was right about his kindness. Obi-Wan smiles, walking up to the fourteen-year-old and squeezing his shoulder.

"This looks wonderful, Anakin. I have been having some sleep troubles, and I'm sorry if I worried you."

"When I can't sleep I like to try to tire myself out. Have you tried that, Master?"

He smiles softly. More than you know, young one. "Unfortunately, Master Che was not too happy with that method. She gave me some medication to help, instead."

Anakin takes a big bite of his sandwich, making a face. "That's not as fun."

Obi-Wan takes his own bite of the sandwich that is quite literally stacked with turkey. It might be half a bird here alone. "That's what I told her, too."

Anakin laughs, jumping up to grab the screeching kettle and finish preparing the tea. Sixty-four hours now, but this time he has a good feeling about resetting the clock for tomorrow. The master and apprentice enjoy the rest of their meal, and then Obi-Wan retires to his room. With his belly full of comfort food and tea, he actually feels the long-lost tug of drowsiness enticing him to bed. Even with such a feeling, he picks up the medication that Master Che prescribed him.

Without adequate sleep, he can't be the Master Anakin needs him to be. The boy deserves all that and more. Obi-Wan swallows the sleeping pill without another thought and lies back in bed. It takes only a few minutes for him to drift into a blissful, dreamless sleep.

__________

A scream is caught in his throat as Anakin is forcibly thrown out of his nightmare. He chokes on it, coughing a few times to clear his throat and then wiping the cold sweat off his brow and upper lip. It's pitch black in the room, but he waits a moment to turn on the light. Sometimes, when he just lets his eyes adjust naturally he can pretend for a few moments that he's anywhere other than the cold quarters of a star destroyer. He can be back on Coruscant, in Padmé's comfortable bed with the weight of her comforters pressing him into the mattress. Or in their lake country villa on Naboo, her body wrapped around him with the sound of running water nearby. Sometimes he is back with his mother, her fingers rifling through his hair soothingly as she lulls him back to sleep.

Anywhere where he isn't alone on a bunk harder than durasteel. Sometimes he thinks he'd rather sleep on the dunes of Tatooine than his bunk. (Obi-Wan usually tells him to stop being dramatic when he goes that far.)

But these little divergences are enough to lull him out of the panic of his dreams and into a better state of mind. By the time his eyes do adjust to the blank walls and regulation furniture he can decide whether or not he will be returning to sleep for the night.

They've been getting worse lately. The dreams. They happen nearly every night now. Not always the same thing, like before his mother's death, but always intense and horrific. Always making him wake up close to tears or worry that he's been screaming and Ahsoka or Obi-Wan will come bursting in at any moment. Sometimes he is calm enough to put going back to sleep to chance. Other times he prefers to just accept a day without sleep.

Obi-Wan would kill him if he knew. Ahsoka gives him enough trouble when he yawns his way through briefing meetings, so he's surprised she hasn't tattled on him yet. Or maybe she has, and the old man has decided it would be hypocritical to nag him about it. Obi-Wan isn't exactly known for his healthy sleep schedules either.

He doesn't have good feelings about sleep tonight. His heart is still racing and he can still see a horrific scene of Ahsoka sobbing with a lifeless Obi-Wan in her arms, blood is trickling out of his nose and ears, and eyes glossy and set. It's a moment he's seen a few times. Sometimes Obi-Wan is already dead and other times he's falling and Anakin is running frantically to save him.

He never makes it.

Tonight was no different.

Anakin turns on the light and slips on a pair of trousers. His hair is a mess, per usual, but running his fingers through it a few times seems to do the trick. He still has to squint as he steps out into the hallway. The fluorescent lights of the ship are about as harsh as staring straight into a star, but it wakes him up as good as a cup of caff. It's the middle of the nightshift, but the halls are still just as busy as usual. Since there is no distinct day or night in the middle of deep space, they are just suggestions to ensure people actually sleep.

It's not as comforting as taking walks around the sleeping Temple when he can't sleep. There is a blissfulness to being awake when the rest of the planet isn't that Anakin finds refreshing from the usual bustle of the day. The best he can find is the mess, where only a few troopers sit around at the tables with cups of caff or snacks.

Anakin helps himself to his own cup, pouring a decent amount of sugar in for good measure. He settles down at a table with his datapad. Maybe this time he'll actually get his council report in on time, at least. He spends the next hour or so filling out his paperwork and working up a decent collection of caff cups and snack wrappers. By the time he reaches his last assigned task, the dinner rush has begun for the night-shifters.

"General Skywalker?" he looks up to see Rex standing with his own cup of caff in hand. Anakin gives him a friendly smile.

"Oh hey, Rex, what are you doing up?"

"Could ask you the same, sir," he sits down on the bench, eyeing the four other empty cups strewn about.

"Paperwork. Couldn't sleep."

The corner of Rex's mouth upturns in a half-smile. "More and more like General Kenobi, every day."

"Don't even joke like that, Rex, I would never hear the end of it," he says, though a small part of his mind curses that the captain is actually right. Using paperwork as an excuse to avoid sleep? He might as well grow a beard and have a Core accent.

"Only joking, of course, sir."

"So what's your excuse?"

"My excuse?"

"Our first call isn't for another few hours, and I've never seen you up and about at this time."

Rex takes a long sip from his drink. Stalling, it seems.

"To be frank, sir, ever since Umbara I tend to... wake up earlier."

Anakin searches the clone captain's face, and suddenly he recognizes it. The dark circles and bloodshot eyes are faint, but definitely there.

"The dreams keep you up?" he asks casually. Anakin has always liked Rex because he isn't afraid to be more candid around him. He has the respect of a leader, but he isn't so uptight about his rank. Through their time working closely together, they have actually begun to be somewhat of friends. At least, Anakin considers Rex to be a friend.

The clone looks up at him with surprise. "Well, sometimes, yes. How did you--"

"Like I said, I'm not Obi-Wan. Paperwork doesn't keep me up at night."

It feels good to actually admit it aloud to someone. To be able to say he's having bad dreams without getting a lecture from his master or getting watched like a hawk by his padawan. Especially if Rex is having the same issue.

They let this revelation blanket around them as they continue to sip on their caff. Even with six cups in his system, Anakin's body feels heavy and fatigued. It takes much longer to complete the last form with the amount of time he has to read and reread things to make sure he is understanding it right. His vision keeps blurring as though he is on the verge of falling asleep.

That's something Anakin has never had a problem with-- falling asleep. It takes him mere minutes to close his eyes and fall into a deep sleep. It's just the damned dreams that wake him up and ruin his rest.

"Uh, sir?" he hears through a clearing throat. Anakin opens his eyes and realizes he has dozed off with his forehead on the datapad. He smiles away the embarrassment, shaking his head.

"This caff sucks."

"You know they have decaf out after lunch right?"

He blinks. "Decaff?" Anakin says it as though it's a word in a foreign language.

"Yes, you have to request for a pot of regular. New health initiative started in the last month or so to improve... sleep."

The Jedi general crosses his arms over his chest. "And nobody told me?"

"I suppose they thought the label on the pot sufficed."

He glances over at the caff machine and, in fact, there is a label reading DECAF. Fair enough. He looks back at Rex, who is passively amused by all of this.

"Kix has too much power. It's going to go to his head."

Rex smiles, shaking his head but not disagreeing. Now disgusted by his caff, the knight casts aside the half-empty cup. The lack of caffeine definitely explains why he is still so tired.

"I should be going to prep for the morning briefing, then," Rex says, standing up and grabbing his bucket from the bench. He downs the remainder of his coffee and tucks his helmet under his arms. "Thanks for the company, though, general."

"Anytime. I suppose I will see you at the update."

"Oh right," Rex says, pausing and looking back down at him. "I have messages for you. General Kenobi commed to let you know they have postponed the update meeting to tomorrow. And we will be in hyperspace another full day before arriving at our check-in point."

He does the mental gymnastics of cycling through his schedule and realizes his entire day is clear of meetings. A day off? That is about as rare as Ahsoka not being snippy. He even has his paperwork done now so...

"Well in that case, maybe I will take the decaf as a sign and... take a nap." He can feel his mind more clear now. Usually, that means he can manage a few good hours without another nightmare if he has any at all. Though he was adamant about not wanting to go back to bed a few hours ago, suddenly laying down sounds amazing.

Rex smiles. "Very good, sir. I will be sure to comm you if we need anything, of course."

The clone captain walks off, and Anakin looks around at his little collection of trash, tired and a little dumbfounded.

He has a sudden suspicious feeling Ahsoka hasn't been tattling to Obi-Wan, but to Rex. Anakin smiles to himself, shakes his head, and gathers up his things to go back for some extra shut-eye.

__________

When Ahsoka can't sleep, she pulls her old Jedi cloak out of her closet. It's not something she wears anymore-- not for a long time at this point-- but it is something she has kept close to her ever since going on the run from the Empire.

There is just something about that thick, wooly fabric that is like a security blanket when she encases herself in it. It still smells like a mix of the standard-issue laundry detergent and engine oil. She can run her fingers along the hem, recognizing the familiar fray on the right sleeve that she used to pick at when she was nervous, or the hole that Master Kenobi had to patch three separate times in the pocket. There is a burnt edge on the hood where Anakin managed to nick it with his saber, and sometimes the tip of her montral would peek out.

Today she can't sleep, and she isn't sure why. Sometimes, she has these periods of time where falling asleep and staying asleep are more difficult than they should be. She suspects it has something to do with stress, which she has plenty of, all the time. The cloak always seems to help, so she grabs it. It always reminds her of Master Obi-Wan and his habit of losing his own cloaks. When she pulls it around herself it feels like a hug from Anakin. And when she closes her eyes she pretends she is in another time and another place. A time when her mentors watched over her and protected her and she wasn't so alone.

A part of her thinks that somewhere in the Force they are still looking over her. It is a Jedi teaching that she still holds a belief in that in death all are returned to the Force... Which means the same energy field that surrounds her and binds her is Anakin Skywalker. Obi-Wan Kenobi. Plo Koon. Every other Jedi that didn't make it through Order 66. Though the thought of their deaths brings a deep sadness she still cannot quite process, it also reminds her that when she wraps the Force around herself she isn't as alone as she feels. Sleep comes easier.