#and the clipping/import process is already incredibly long so

[jackfromthefairytale]

⮡  C:\     ⮡  Projects\         ⮡  CJ[OST]\             ⮡  06 - EVEN.mp4

[nanoa1foryou]

Some points from Johannes' interview on the Arto Nyberg show on 10.11.2024

Johannes was asked what makes him nervous anymore, since they've had quite a lot going on already.

He said trying things for the first time and those moments where he "kind of doesn't know" how things will go. He also said it's what keeps live shows interesting, as things are never quite the same between shows.

They showed him a small compilation of some of the things from last year

His topmost reaction was that in the first and last clips they showed, he was nervous and still remembers that. Also that the moments showed feels like a forever ago, despite having happened last year.

"We've talked about it with Jonttu and Aarni that it feels like one year has fit at least three years."

Johannes was also asked about his songwriting process

He said he on average writes something down every other day, and that these sporadically compiled notes are what becomes the song texts. He also said he does this to take pressure away from the actual moments when he's supposed to write.

He also noted when asked further about themes or messages of the songs that that's not something they intentionally pick going into it, but that he has been very happy to see people for example finding and connecting with the message of hope from their last album and the comfort it has provided.

Johannes was asked to sum up the time after UMK, and this is what he responded:

"Well, maybe just that, that a lot of everything has happened. We've gotten to do the kinds of things that we've like nine years ago dreamed of and everything has actually been just as wonderful as we've imagined. That has been in my opinion like very wonderful that often you hear this narrative of 'when these things happen you won't be happy and you'll feel hollow and you'll be somehow tied up' but my experience has been the opposite. Sure, there have been long days and exhaustion and all sorts of things but we've had an incredible few years here."

Johannes was also asked about the very immediate success of the band from the start.

Johannes responded by saying that they've been and continue to be very lucky, and that from day one it has been a group effort. He said he acknowledges their privilege of having such skilled people around them that they get to work with.

The habits and routines of the band, such as the fiilisrinki were asked about. Here's what he said about all that:

"Well, we spend with Aarni and Jonttu horribly much time together. Like probably on average 6 days a week and then we've just noticed, that so that our collaboration and friendship that are in this kind of happy mess together all the time stays aerated* if we make time for talking about our feelings, were they small worries or big or whatever, the communication is really important."

*He literally said oxygen-rich. Meant essentially the same as fresh, aired out.

(Follow up question: What do you tell each other?)

"Well there are different kinds of days so it really depends on what is going on but usually band practice or sessions start with that we kind of force our selves into that moment, that now is the moment we talk about feelings. And then usually it clears the air a lot."

They asked Johannes about his career as an actor as well, such as how different it possibly feels to take the role of a singer vs actor and so forth

He said that making music happens for him just as easily when someone orders him for a job as for when he's under no requirement to make music, saying that he has more of a need to make music as opposed to acting, which he says he's gladly do it when asked. He also noted that performing a character is in some ways much easier that performing yourself.

Finally Johannes' family background was brought up

Johannes noted that maybe the biggest effect it has had was the freedom to fulfill himself in a safe and encouraging environment, and that the creativity was fostered in his family but never pushed onto him or any of his siblings.

[welcometothejianghu]

Welcome to another round of W2 Tells You What You Should See, where W2 (me) tries to sell you (you) on something you should be watching. Today's choice: 君子盟/A League of Nobleman

A League of Nobleman is the unfortunately translated English title of a 2023 historical drama about an idealistic country boy/genius detective/noodle seller, and a wealthy minister on a mission to exonerate his late father from charges of treason, even if he himself has to commit some treason in the process.

I watched this one not too long after it came out, and I was expecting there would be a lot of buzz as soon as fandom got hold of it. There wasn't, but I can understand why. The show is a lovely, ethereal drama that has some genuinely moving moments, stunning visuals, and charming character interactions.

It is, however, kiiiiiiiind of a hot mess.

What follows is an incredibly qualified rec. Unlike most of the previous shows I've recommended, this show is not something you could just throw at your Average American Television Enjoyer. Censorship got its claws into this one, and what's left is ... okay, imagine fliming all of Hannibal just like you want it, and then right before it airs, NBC comes in and says, okay, now we're just going to take out all the parts that are gay and violent and gory! You know what you'd have left? You'd have a League of Nobleman, is what.

(If you want a little more explanation of what's awkward about it, here's a take based on the first ten episodes. Note that not everything that bothers AvenueX bothers me, but they're fair critiques.)

Therefore, I'd have a tough time recommending this to someone who hasn't already built up a tolerance for the experience of seeing a scene end nearly mid-sentence, or hearing described something that happened just offscreen (while seeing no one's lips move). You need to be prepared to look through the jank to see the show we could have had beneath the show that actually arrived.

Even so, I have five reasons I think you should at least give it a shot!

1. That precious baby boy

Look at him. Look at his precious face. Don't you just want to stuff him down the front of your shirt and take him home with you?

That is Zhang Ping. He is the hero and he is a good boy.

He is a darling dumpling who grows up reading novels about how members of the judiciary nobly solve crimes and punish the unjust, so he decides that he wants to move to the big city and become a member of the judiciary to nobly solve crimes and punish the unjust! ...Until he gets there and realizes, no, baby, that was fiction. But gosh darn it, he's going to try anyway.

I have seen people say they read Zhang Ping as autistic. While I'm not sure that's specifically what the show itself was going for, that's kind of the effect -- which, I think, is why I've also seen a lot of people say they don't like Song Weilong's performance. I don't think he's wooden or unemotional; I think he just made a choice to play the character as not always real good about understanding why the people around him are having the emotions they're having. Similarly, I think what makes him read as anachronistic is mostly how he doesn't engage well with the rules of social convention that are such important parts of this historical setting.

Like, you see that picture above, with him and Lan Jue whispering at one another? Zhang Ping is doing this because he is absolutely convinced that this is appropriate subterfuge behavior. Lan Jue is matching him because he thinks Zhang Ping is adorable.

Just the goodest boy. A baby. Please care him.

2. the aesthetic

The show is beautiful. It looks and sounds amazing. For some reason I can't find a clip of just the opening credits, but here's a (strangely bloody) trailer that gives a sense of its general vibe:

As you can see a couple times in there, the show makes great use of tilt-shift photography -- you know, the thing where you change the focal length until everything starts to look fake? It creates a weird, dreamlike effect where parts of the frame are out of focus for no reason, or actual locations start to look like model-train miniatures. Many of the shots are framed like this, giving the entire thing a very pretty, very uncanny look.

And speaking of the dreamlike: If there's one thing I've come to expect from C-dramas, it's bad CGI. That is not the case here! The CG is used so sparingly that it's unobtrusive and actually quite nice. Much more of the weight of the show's look relies on practical effects that are supported and amplified by CG, which is the optimal combo. When it does go all in on CG, it's in the service of dreamscapes that are supposed to look unreal anyway.

The show does admittedly have a mild problem of using a cool effect and then largely forgetting that effect exists. For example, the first episode has a really neat "freeze time and walk through a crime scene" bit! And then we barely ever see that ability again. But the show's doing so many other lovely things that you don't really feel the absence until you stop to think about it all later. So don't stop to think about things! That's my motto! (It really isn't.)

The directors also just have a lovely eye for things -- which is extra-surprising considering that both of them are first-time directors. That can be fun, though, when you get people who haven't gotten stuck in their ways get, so they're still being new and weird with it. ...Of course, I bet that's also some of why so much of the show quite obviously got cut to ribbons, if you're also working with directors who also haven't figured out how to get away with things just yet.

Overall, the production values are very high. This show clearly had a fairly solid amount of funding behind it, but it also used its resources smartly. Most costumes are elegant but not extravagant. Detailed sets are small and beautiful locations are contained. While I have great respect for productions that try to create epics on a shoestring budget, there's something to be said for a project that sets its sights on the achievable, then puts its effort into doing what it can, well.

3. A ship for everyone!

There are so many potential ways to pair up them boys. The show's main pair dynamic is between country mouse Zhang Ping and city mouse Lan Jue, but it surely does not stop there. In fact, I've made a helpful chart that shows you all the potential flavors of gay you can enjoy at this particular danmei buffet:

(And yes, if you've seen the show, you know there's at least one more line that I could've drawn here, but I don't want to spoil anything.)

Now, whether you do read any of these dynamics as sexual/romantic is up to you. The point is that you could. For example, I personally am not that into Lan Jue/Xu Dong, but if you lose your shit when a competent sword guy owes a life debt to the defenseless noble he works for? You could have a lot of fun with what the show gives you.

Obviously, because this is a censored c-drama, there are no canon gay romances. However, a couple of them are more textual than others, especially the ones that center Lan Jue, because everyone clearly wants a piece of that fancy flat ass.

One of AvenueX's comments from the video I linked earlier is that the main couple has less sparkle together than each of them has individually with the man that's supposed to be his bestie. While that changes as the show goes on, these two side pairs never cease to be enjoyable. Whether you read them as sexual or not is up to you! Romantically or platonically, they're still a delight to watch bounce off of one another.

And Lan Jue/Gu Qingzhang (that one terrible ex from the chart) is, uh, basically textual? It's miles into "there is no straight explanation for this" territory. Again, avoiding spoilers here, but trust me. You get to see their secluded love nest and everything. Shit's real gay.

Then, of course, there's the main pair:

This is clearly the one that got hit real hard by cuts to the material. It's a damn shame, because this is clearly meant to be the core of the whole narrative. Despite that, the two of them have a fascinating dynamic that changes over the series from outright suspicion to cautious care to absolute trust. It's a great combo of someone who is too honest for his own good and someone so used to court politics that he lies as easily as breathing.

Ironically, the source material is Not Gay, to the point where the author has basically disowned this series as being so different from her original work as to be unrecognizable. You sort of have to wonder about the creative thought processes that led to taking a gen work and deciding to BL it up for the live-action adatation. I'm not complaining, mind you, but it is a little bit of an unforced error.

So whatever flavor of gay it is you're into, the odds are very good that this drama will have at least enough of it to keep you interested!

4. A very charming cast

I got to gush about Song Weilong's Zhang Ping earlier, but honestly I think everybody's pretty enjoyable, from the main cast to the recurring side characters to the one-off extras who show up for a single episode. Everybody's playing it weird and theatrical, so I get it if that's not your cup of tea. However, I feel all the performances are well-suited to the slightly surreal style of the production.

Here's just a couple of the real gems:

Jing Boran's Lan Jue has the perfect regal bearing of a fussy gentleman, but with a very endearing softness underneath. He spends half his time with eyes brimming with unshed tears, and the other half making heart-eyes at his boyfriends. You understand why everybody in the empire wants to ride him like they stole him, and that's even before he lets his hair down and starts dressing in slutty sheer robes. (I'm not entirely sure either he or the show knew how to play the character in the first few episodes, but he gets way better once he stops being so sinister and mysterious and gets to be cute and/or unhinged.)

There is one female character who shows up in more than one arc, and she is the Empress Dowager, and she is such a wonderful awful bitch. What a monster. Shi Yueling eats up every scene she's in by being the perfect mix of reprehensible and fascinating.

I was already primed to like Wang Duo because I liked watching him be a pretty snake boy in Yin-Yang Master: Dream of Eternity. Well, now he gets to be a pretty metaphorical snake boy here. I'm not spoiling anything by telling you he's bad news. He shows up damn near the end of the show and you know immediately he's bad news. But you don't know what kind of bad news he is, and that's fun to find out.

And speaking of actors I already liked from other places! Guo Cheng has mastered the art of acting with his mouth full. His Chen Chou is a sweet, earnest anchor in a world of tricksy boys.

There is something about Hong Yao's handsome face that makes Wang Yan perpetually look a little red-eyed, like he's trying hard to pretend that he wasn't just crying in his office. It's the perfect soft touch to his incredibly wonderful chad of a character. I'm usually not into the cocky jocks, but I will make such an exception for him.

I love you, fortune-telling gremlin grandpa.

5. Raw materials

Look, I assume if you've made it this far in the rec and you're still hanging on, you're interested for one of two reasons. The more normie reason is that you're into c-dramas in general (and probably period dramas in particular), and gay stuff is a selling point, so you see the appeal of turning on a drama where cute boys have emotions at other cute boys. That is a perfectly good reason to watch this drama, and if this is you, I hope you have fun!

The other reason is that you like making fan stuff, and you need some new blorbos to blorb in new and exciting combinations. Friend, I have that stuff for you right here.

A League of Nobleman has problems -- but they are problems that may be appealing to people who enjoy fixing things. There are literal holes in the series where actual, planned, filmed scenes were deleted! If you're looking for source material that's just begging you to fill in the gaps, look no further.

Of course I'm partial to the number of queer DIY romance options there are (see point 3), but that's not the extent of it. The setting is fascinating: an unspecified premodern Chinese dynasty magical enough to have a Bureau of Incantations, where the emperor is (for once) a cool dude, secluded village people live in semi-communal families, and one of the main characters can play Inception with people's heads. I'll say it plainly: If you are into kinky dream sex, this is the drama for you.

I should note that one of the things that doesn't need fixing is the overall shape of the series. The individual little case incidents seem disconnected, but they all weave together at the end as part of a (let's be real, ridiculously complicated) plot, giving the whole thing a pretty satisfying wrap-up. The show does not just fall off a cliff like Moriarty; it resolves in a way that's more than a little convoluted, but still overall satisfying. Also, a lot of those ships from the chart above, when it's all over, are still together. Some days that's all you need from an ending.

Maybe I sound like a broken record at this point, but to give you a sense of how heavy the hand of censorship clearly was, understand several of these episodes don't even break the 35-minute mark, and only four are even over 40 minutes long, when ~45 minutes is about the episode standard for this genre. (For comparison, every Untamed episode at least 42 minutes long.) I think it's important to realize just how much actual connective tissue got removed, way more than just individual censored shots or single redubbed lines.

And speaking of redubbed lines, the last episode of this show contains possibly the funniest NO HOMO in BL history. You have to see it to believe it -- or, rather, to not believe it, because the first time I watched, I didn't even understand what the hell the show was implying. I'll say no more.

Where to watch it!

I hope I've convinced you to at least give it a try! It's not a perfect show by any means, but it's a show with many good elements, and if you can embrace what's there without getting too hung up on what's not, it's a pretty good time.

If you're up for it, you can find it on this YouTube playlist -- though be prepared that it often mutes the opening music. It's also available on Viki (with ads, but less muting).

Just look at those precious, pinchable cheeks. Adorable.

[genericpuff]

Let me preface this: I'm an architecture major

I used to be a big LO fan but obviously fell out of love of it like a lot of us did, and I know LO uses SketchUp for backgrounds. That is not an issue I have with the comic or any comic, I want artists to have an easier time in any way they can. I was always under the impression Rachel imported the models into Photoshop and drew over them like you can see in the early episodes with the sketchy lines. Well, school just started recently for me and I now have access to SketchUp for my coursework, and I made a few discoveries: 1. Photoshop cannot read SketchUp files, and while you can import them into Clip Studio through some configuring, they can be finicky and will lose parts in the importing process, so they are best used into the original SketchUp program to export as PNGs. 2. Many of the models Rachel uses are incredibly easy to find, especially if you put "modern", "luxury", or "classy" before the main part of the search. Many of the houses and rooms for example are first page results. 3. The biggest discovery: You know how we all assumed Rachel was hand-drawing all the lines over the SketchUp models and how she gave up the longer LO went on? Well, it's actually worse. It turns out SketchUp has a thing called "Styles" in it, which means you can mess with the lines and look of the model, such as making it look more like a blueprint or playing with the colors. Well, they have a lot of styles on SketchUp known as "sketchy lines", which are the exact ones Rachel used early in the comic to fit with her style, and it takes a literal click of a button to do. All she would do is pose the model, click the sketchy line style, and export the PNG. That's it. So, yeah, Rachel is so checked out of the comic that she can't even bother to click a single button to make the models fit into the comic's style anymore. Use that information however you like.

Ouhhh sorry OP, I'm about to like, undo all the work you just put into that ask. We've already known about the 3D background problem for a long while now.

First off, it's more likely LO doesn't use SketchUp but actually Acon3D, which is a website that offers 3D models both for free and at cost, which are actually compatible with software like Clip Studio. As soon as you open it up you'll likely see a lot of very familiar backgrounds that are often used in romances, isekais, and period pieces. It's literally the go-to spot for Webtoon Originals creators. Like, to the point that I wouldn't be surprised if Naver was partnered with them because of how many of their creators use it.

Second, there's plenty of up-to-date evidence to support the fact that Rachel doesn't exclusively stick to one software, sometimes she's drawing in Photoshop, sometimes she's drawing in Clip Studio Paint, sometimes she's drawing in Procreate. She's undoubtedly using Clip Studio for her paneling, speech bubbles, and backgrounds, as there are built in tools to utilize and convert 3D materials into lineart, among other features that are recognizable as coming from CSP because they're not available in PS or Procreate.

Third, yes, she just uses filters to turn her backgrounds into lineart, this has been apparent since S1. The only backgrounds she's ever 'hand drawn' were the ones involving lots of nature and even those are mostly just Photoshop brushes stamped on.

Like I realize I'm probably bursting your bubble here and I apologize for that lmao but these buildings were never hand-drawn, this is not new information (￣﹏￣；) I appreciate you mentioning your own experiences with it as you're learning it though, I find once you start to learn the process yourself you really start to notice what others are doing. Even I've gone through that over the past couple years as I started to use 3D models and more advanced tools specifically for drawing webtoons.

I will mention btw, there's nothing wrong with using 3D models for your character drawing and backgrounds. The only time it tends to get frustrating is when you're reading a comic that isn't making any attempts to blend the background in with the art style.

Like, The Kiss Bet probably uses 3D models to help with perspective and laying out scenes quickly without second-guessing, but you can tell they still hand-draw over the models because they look natural and like they belong to the comic's stylization. The characters don't look out of place sitting in a living room and the living room doesn't look distracting.

But then you get stuff like Lore Olympus, Let's Play, and Midnight Poppy Land, and it becomes a bit more obvious they're not giving a shit about backgrounds lmao

I get it, WT's deadlines are cutthroat as fuck, but if it's getting to the point that you have an entire team behind you and you're literally just copy pasting video game models from Phantom Hourglass, then it's probably time to re-focus your priorities a bit. There are comics with as few as 1-2 assistants (and even in some cases no assistants at all!!) pulling off backgrounds better than this, even when they're taking shortcuts.

(Nevermore and City of Blank)

But a lot of that does come down to how WT manages its expectations as well as support for their creators. The deadlines and requirements WT puts their creators under are insane and awful in the long-term, and they're not acting with the amount of professionalism they ought to be for a platform that's trying to breakout as a major publisher here in the West. I feel like it comes down to WT loosening the choke chain around their creators, but also creating a standardized level of quality to ensure it's not suffering for the sake of quantity. The traditional literature industry has real editors and stages of quality control for a reason, whereas WT is more interested in just throwing as many series at the wall and dumping all their stock into the ones that stick.

[quijabored]

Spoilers for S4 and first 2 episodes of S5

Im gonna try to not make this very long because I'm going through a what the fuck moment and I do not know how to process this :D (Finished the second episode and immediately went to Tumblr)

(Spoilers, this is very long ✌️)

With that being said

WHAT THE FUCK???

OKAY UH, I DONT EVEN KNOW WHERE TO START CUZ LIKE

AAAAAA????

OKAY

OKAY UH

KENJI

HES BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH, GOT STABBED THROUGH THE STOMACH TWICE AND THEN GOT JUST HORRENDOUSLY HURT

LIKE MY POOR BOY

YOSANOS BACKSTORY?? I LOVE IT SO MUCH HOLY SHIT

I HATE MORI SO MUCH

And with my undying hatred for Mori, I can also say he seems incredibly interesting.

I hate that I want to know more about him and I absolutely will, BUT FUCK

Then there was the Agency being split us and-

AAGGHHH IM CRYINGGGG

Not actually, but God damn it I was on the verge of sobbing so many times-

I love this series so much but how the fuck am I supposed to process this-??

ALSO TACHIHARA BEING THE FIFTH GUY LIKE??? AAAA???

I actually hate Fyodor so much oh my god (I want him)

SPEAKING OF FYODOR

SIGMA????

I MET HIM AND LIKE HE MAKES ME SO HAPPY I LOVE HOW DESPERSTE HE IS AND I FINALLY UNDERSTAND THE WHOLE 3 YEARS OLD THING AND JUST AKSKDHJS

ALSO

ATSUSHI HELPING OUT YET ANOTHER PERSON JS LIKE HE DID TO KYOKA?? LIVE LAUGH ATSUSHI BRO HES SO SILLY

AND THEN WHEN HE WAS FALLING OFF THE SKY CASINO I WAS SITTING THERE LIKE WHAT THE FUCK??

I KNEW HE SHOWED UP LATER CUZ OF CLIPS BUT FOR SOME REASON IT JS DIDNT PROCESS AND I WAS GENUINELY ABOUT TO CRY

And then Nikolai saved him :D

LIVE LAUGH NIKOLAI BRO HES SO SILLY

Hes just like me fr except I'm not a Ukranian terrorist :3

ALSO I LOVE TACHIHARA SO MUCH I JUST AAAGHHHHH

JOUNOS KIND OF A BITCH (Ive already signed the adoption papers, I love him so much he seems really interesting-)

AND MY BBG TETCHOU???

I LOVE HIM SO MUCH HE SEEMS SO SILLY AND EVEN IF HE HASNT HAD MUCH SCREEN TIME I JUST AAAGHHHH

Also fuck Fukuchi

LIKE I THOUGHT HE WAS JUST A SILLY GUY

"Now I just have to hope no one becomes a character I absolutely despise :3"

YEAH NO I WAS WRONG CUZ WTF

And then during the whole scene where he was talking with Ranpo and he was like "the president trusts you, so do I."

AT THAT POINT IT KINDA CLICKED AND I WAS LIKE "Oh shit its Fukuchi isnt it."

BUT THEN I HAD NOTHING TO GO OFF OF AND I DIDNT WANNA SIT AND THINK IN THE MIDDLE OF A VERY IMPORTANT EPISODE

OH BEFORE I START YAPPING ABOUT THAT

RANPO JUST ABSOLUTELY SAVING EVERYONE??? I LOVE HIM SO MUCH OH MY GOD HE JUST LIKE ME FR

AAAAAA AND THEN THE WAY HE TALKS ABOUT FUKUZAWA LIKE AAGHH THEYRE FAMILY :(

AAAA AND THEN POE BEING THERE LIKE AKSHAKJDS SEEING MY SON IN A SUIT WAS SO SILLY ITS LIKE WATCHING YOUR CHILDREN GO OFF TO PROM OR A WEDDING I THINK-

AND THEN POE BEING SUPER HAPPY ABOUT HELPING AND RANPO PUSHING HIM ASIDE PLEASE I LOVE THEM

ANYWAYS BACK TO FUKUCHI

THEN RANPO STARTED EXPLAINING ALL THE EVIDENCE AND I SAT THERE AND I WAS TRYING SO DAMN HARD TO BE LIKE "Pshhhh- No waayy Fukuchis actually a really really really bad person right??"

AND THEN HE WAS

I HATE THIS SHOW SO MUCH (I dont I love this show it has been my hyperfixation for so long please help I have dreams about bsd this is just like my Danganronpa phase oh dear god-)

AAAAA NO BUT GOD DAMN IT I NEED TO STAB FUKUCHI

ITS REALLY WEIRD CUZ I LIVE LAUGH FYODOR BUT FUKUCHI JUST MAKES ME UPSET

If he doesnt have a good motive Im actually crying, though I get that not all characters are supposed to be redeemable, I just got really attached to Fukuchi really fast and seeing him yap was super silly :(

Fyodor works a lot differently than Fukuchi and I really really do love Fyodor-

Also Nikolai saying he's gonna kill Fyodor? Genuinely wonder if he's even capable of that cuz his ability is able to catch you off guard, but Fyodors such an incredibly silly guy and I wouldn't be surprised if he was able to stop anything from Nikolai

Not only an assassination attempt (Even though I doubt Nikolai would get very far with that-) legit something as simple as trying to scare him-

Also Fyodor understanding Nikolai? Dear gods I love them so much they make me wanna tear out my soul-

Making a little fanart for them and while I'm not sure if I'm actually gonna share it, they are very adorable in their own odd way

Back to the casino scenes, while I absolutely adore Tetchou and Jouno, TEROKUS JUST SO SILLY

PLEASE I LOVE HER SO MUCH I HOPE WE GET TO SEE MORE OF HER EVWN IF SHE DOESNT SEEM VERY RELIVANT TO THE PLOT WHERE IM AT RN

AAAAAA ALSO, S5 EP2 ENDS WITH AKUTAGAWA BEING ON THE SHIP AND AHDKAHSKS

SHIN SOUKOKU CANON EVERYONE

I HAVE BEEN DESPERATELY STARVED OF AKUTAGAWA CONTENT FOR A LITTLE BIT SO SEEING HIM MAKES ME SO HAPPY

AND SEEING HIM WITH ATSUSHI??? EVEN HAPPIER, I KNOW THEYRE GONNA DO A BIG FIGHT TOGETHER AND ITS LIKE AAAA THEYRE WORKING TOGETHER WILLINGLY NOW!! (Kiiind of)

LIVE LAUGH LOVE BSD BUT DEAR GOD ITS MAKING ME GO INSANE

AND BEFORE I FORGET YET AGAIN, I LOVE SEEING ODASAKU MEAN SO MUCH TO DAZAI AND ANGO LIKE AHHHH THIS SERIES MAKES ME SO UPSET IN A GOOD WAY

AND MUSHITARO MAKES ME GO YIPPEE PLEASE I LOVE HIS CHARACTER SO MUCH

ALSO DAZAI BEING ABLE TO CONTROL HIS HEARTBEAT?? WHAT CAN HE *NOT* DO????

And why the fuck does the sky casino look like a beyblade like I love him but someone's gotta get him into an exterior design class

THE INTERIOR DESIGN THOUGH, PLEASE I LOVE IT ITS SO BRETTY LIKE LET ME GO THERE

Just searched up Beyblade to make sure I got the spelling right and what do you mean there's a hello kitty beyblade give it to me

Also Sigma just panicking for half the episode is so fucking relatable

OH ALSO

THE WAY HOW HE SEEMS SO DEVOTED AND LOYAL TO THE SKY CASINO?? I LOVE HIM HE MAKES ME SO SAD

I can't remember if I already mentioned I have adopted him but I have ✌️

He's so silly after I finish my Akutagawa and Fyodor obsession plus actually finish the story (or at least whats written right now) I'm focusing entirely on him

Okay maybe my Aku and Fyodor obsession won't ever subside but if it doesn't I'm making space for him in there-

Live laugh Nikolai I know I haven't mentioned him too much but he's such a silly character and he makes me happy-

AAAA ALSO FUKUCHI HAVING THE PAGE LIKE IM GONNA EAT THAT DAMN PAPER JUST LET THE ADA LIVE IN PEACE-

ALSO GOT SO SCARED WHEN GIN WAS STABBED, GENUINELY THOUGHT SHE WASNT GONNA MAKE IT

Okay I think that's enough yapping for today, might watch another episode might not, but either ways I'm dreaming about it again ✌️

ALSO WHEN I SWITCH TO THE MANGA SINCE S6 ISNT THERE CUZ YK NOT MUCH CONTENT TO WORK OFF OF YET, IM GONNA BE FROTHING AT THE MOUTH EVERY DAMN MONTH FOR NEW BSD CHAPTERS

AHHH I HEARD THAT THERES A NEW CHAPTER RELEASED AROUND EVERY MONTH AND ITS LIKE YK WHAT GET THAT COIN ASAGIRI, ILL WAIT AS LONG AS I NEED

Okay kinda unrelated but I love lucid dreaming so much like what do you mean I can bend reality at my will to make an episode of bsd that shows Fyolai being canon and adopting 3 cats

GOD I CANT WAIT TO BUY THE MANGA (I have to actually save up tho so I gotta wait a bit longer ✌️)

I know I could just find pdf files online but I js really really like reading physically so uh ill get to pdf reading when I get desperate 😋

[pitbullwithaship]

DOCTOR WHO LIVEBLOG 2009 SPECIAL THE END OF TIME (PART 2)

Okay I'm emotionally prepared for this definitely.

Why does it always have to happen on Christmas?

Destruction of Gallifrey? Hello Time Lords?

Ooh a sensible lady time lord

Okay so she's dead then that's a shame

Earth. We are very important

I'd like to not be important actually

Bondage

Aww he'd be proud if he was his dad I love Wilf

Oh no Donna

Oh poor Donna

Oh no Donna!!!

Oh good she's asleep

That's gay

Poor Master

I'm sorry this is incredibly homoerotic

Baby Master

4 beats. 4 beats like we have 2 beats oh that's so cool it's the heartbeat I just realized how cool that is

4 beats 4 knocks wow wow wow this is cool

That's cacti, that's racist

I mean it might be the worst rescue ever, but it's not quite the worst rescue possible

I love Wilf

Good point indeed I like these alien people

Anything nothing

Flimflam oh Wilf

Yeah blimey

THEY DID IT! THEY DID IT ON PURPOSE!!

Diamond gem thingy!

White point star I've heard of that

Creak creak

It's the lady! Why is she there! How is she there!

Thank you for ominously predicting this lady

Aww is this the cute scene I've seen?

He's so sadwetpathetic

AWW GIANTS HES SO SAD AND TRAGIC AND BROKEN

HED BE PROUD IF HE WAS HIS DAD AAAAHHHH I LOVE HIM I LOVE THEM

He's so sadpatheticguiltytragicsad

Nobody should live so long it's true

Oh Wilf oh Wilf I'm gonna cry

The Time Lords are Returning!!!

No it doesn't seem to be good after all

That's giving coruscant council vibes

Nostalgia tinted stories

OHyes

ALLONS-Y omg my dude

This is mildly star wars

THEY GET TURNED INTO WEEPING ANGELS WHAT SERIOUSLY ARE ALL THE WEEPING ANGELS TIME LORDS IS THAT HOW THEY SEND PEOPLE BACK

He jumped okay it's good he landed face first or he probably would have died immediately

He can undo it with his gauntlet thingy!?

Okay that's gonna screw up gravity and everything

Go Wilf!!

Oh wow this is chaos

Oh no Wilf

The gates of hell are open

HE HAS THE GUN

Okay who's he gonna shoot please stop switching its freaking me out

ITS THE LADY SHES A TIMELORD WHO VOTED AGAINST I THINK IVE HEARD THATS HIS MOTHER MAYBE?

HE SHOT THE DIAMOND

MASTER HELLO!

Bye bye Gallifrey

Yes my dude you are still alive

Maybe you should use your aliveness to process your trauma, if your aliveness lasts

HE KNOCKED FOUR TIMES WAS THAT WILF IN THE BOX

IT IS WILF IN THE BOX

Okay so either he dies or wilf dies cuz someone has to be in there right? Is that's what's happening

Dude dude don't lash out process your trauma

Yeah he's amazing my guy

Stop calling people unimportant your brain is broken and that's why you have an ego

Okay trauma meltdown time

He's already made his choice, that's why he's freaking out

Oh Doctor I knew it

Oh Wilf

Okay he absorbed it that's fun

He's regenerating then

Aww hug

Oh hello Donna

Awww

She's smiling lol

He'll see him again

HELLO MARTHA WHATS UP WITH YOU

HELLO MICKEY HOW ARE YOU ALSO

THEYRE MARRIED YAY

HELLO DOCTOR YAY FOR SAVING THEM

HEY ITS SARAH JANES SON AWW HE'S SAYING GOODBYE

Why though they all know he can regenerate he can pop in and say hi after though I suppose he won't be exactly the same person but he can still have the biggest family in the world

HI JACK OF COURSE YOURE AT A BAR

IS IT ALONSO FROM THE CHRISTMAS SPECIAL IT IS

Lol helps him get a guy as his last goodbye

OMG ITS JOANS GRANDAUGHTER OMG OMG CAMEOS AFTER CAMEOS FINAL GOODBYES

This is so cute

DONNAS WEDDING YAY HE WENT TO SEE IT

This is so cute he went to say goodbye at her wedding and to Wilf even though she doesn't remember him

Awww he got Donna a present from her dad!!

This is so bittersweet amazing and cute and sad and amazing aaaaaagghh

HES SAYING GOODBYE TO ROSE TOO ITS THIS CLIP OMG

welcome to 2005 Rose

YES SHES GONNA HAVE AN AMAZING YEAR A FANTASTIC YEAR A BRILLIANT YEAR

I love that he said goodbye to her too even if she doesn't know that

Oh poor Doctor

Hi Ood!! Aw they're gonna sing

That's gorgeous singing

Hey the adventure starts and ends with singing

Oh poor doctor

I DONT WANT TO GO AAAAAHHHHHHHH

Wow EXPLOSION

Hello Matt Smith!!!

That's a big crash

That was a damn amazing ending he said goodbye and everything aaahhh emotions okay

[iprefertheterminsane]

"what does it mean it ruins everything" i have TIME BLINDNESS. I can get distracted from completing bodily necessities. I am incredibly self aware of the amount of body and brain battery I have, the amount each task is worth on each, and the genuine pain that comes if i overexert myself over that limit.

Hanging clothes up to dry is not ONE task. It's getting up, going to the laundry room, taking clothes out into the basket, ensure that the machine is turned off, fetching hangers and clips, going outside if sunny, hanging each of them on the appropriate hanger, rearranging them so it looks nice, and bringing the basket back into my room/putting it back into it's place once im finished. In order to keep me from going bored or distracted, i will be listening to songs or the TV. In total, it will take me 35-38 minutes of uninterrupted work, and if you distract me away i might overlook something crucial that will piss people off or build up in the long run.

This is a carefully arranged process that applies to ALL tasks, and the perfect itinerary in my head has already taken into account time gaps so im not rushing into each task. In a state of rushed panic i will get distracted, i will freeze, i might overlook or something important and the energy drain that follows will stop me from doing the task that comes after, and important tasks will be done imperfectly. Doing this TOO many times in a row means i am going to have a breakdown and a panic attack at the end of the week.

What must i wear? What must be completed? What must be clean? The introduction of a new task that demands my social battery and mental energy will mean i will NOT have the energy to do my hobbies, not drawing, writing, playing my games or watch my show. im going to have to cut them out of the itinerary. I do NOT have the capacity to still call a friend after a different social call. I won't be sure if I should have meals at the right time, (an INCREDIBLY distresing detail to me) because i cant be sure if i have the right time to prep. I could be eating something THERE.

New tasks have to be planned, with different full step routines, and I will only barely have the focus and mental energy to do ESSENTIAL chores and necessities, like washing and hanging my clothes, or taking out the garbage, or taking a shower at the right time. This means i will end the day COMPLETELY depleted, void of anything that makes me feel good (my hobbies) even if i enjoyed myself with these relatives. Worse comes to worst, ill have borrowed energy from the next day making it so that i will ALSO not be doing anything good or productive for at minimum TWO days.

THAT'S what i mean when youve just ruined everything.

It's not that I don't want to visit, it just wasn't on the list I made in my head

[hardrick3hjp9e]

Swift Plans For GPT Videos - The Inside Track

Time is extremely important in the world of electronic digital marketing. Each and every 2nd you would spend modifying and improving your videos is essential. Can you imagine if I said there's a way to make video lessons that look like they originated from a professional studio as quickly as you can say "motion?" Meet GPTvideos, the initial movie manufacturer in the world to make use of the revolutionary GPT-4 AI technology. Think about Starship Enterprise, but for your site content marketing strategy. This really is video design at warp pace.

Unlock the power of AI in video creation. Get started with GPTvideos today!

Of course, you probably did go through that right, with out, you're not inside a science fiction movie. By utilizing sophisticated AI technology, GPTvideos offers a really revolutionary strategy to make online video information. It's generating video clips, yet not in the way we're used to.

GPTvideos makes it easy for enterprises to make video articles, which used to be a difficult process. It removes the requirement for complex software and long hours of enhancing, placing these old means of performing issues in the virtual trash can. This powerful tool for creating video lessons is about velocity, effectiveness, and, most of all, quality.

But GPTvideos' secret doesn't stop there. This wise device can certainly make content in every words, not just English. "Por qué," you may ask? Easy. Vocabulary range is much more important than ever before in our globalised market place. GPTvideos knows this and reduces vocabulary boundaries to help companies get in touch with men and women around the globe.

This application provides extensive makes use of and isn't fussy sometimes. GPTvideos is here now to spread out your message, whether or not you're a startup attempting to make a reputation for yourself, a nearby company trying to get to more and more people, or even a worldwide company trying to find new strategies to do things.

Nevertheless unclear? Let's talk figures. GPTvideos are already used by enterprises all over the world, as well as the results are literally incredible. By transitioning to this particular impressive movie creation device, your prospects could be more active, prone to buy, and happier overall.

But what's the secret component? The GPT-4 AI technology is a big advance. This OpenAI model of synthetic learning ability is famous for being able to recognize and make textual content that looks enjoy it was written by a person. GPTvideos takes advantage of this technological innovation and uses it to improve just how video clip content articles are manufactured.

So, how does it work? Just explain to the GPT-4 AI modern technology regarding your articles, and it will surely do the rest. Before you know it, you'll have a wonderful movie that you can offer the world. This should help you amazing your audience and defeat from the competition.

GPTvideos is the way forward for making video clips, and it's already in this article. It's about time we got rid of challenging-to-use video clip modifying software and words restrictions. With GPTvideos, you are able to educate your very own story and get in touch with your viewers, regardless of whether they don't speak the same language or reside in another country.

Forget about editing and enhancing for countless hours. Quit creating your content only accessible in one language. It's a chance to acknowledge the future of generating videos, which happens to be GPTvideos. Try it out-your market (along with your output) is going to be happy.

The long run is currently worldwide of GPTvideos. Why then wait around? With GPTvideos, you can start your vacation into the way forward for creating video lessons today.

[ccbks-blog]

Fundamental Factors In GPTVideos In The Uk

Time is extremely important on earth of computerized marketing. Every single next you spend editing and increasing your video lessons is vital. What happens if I told you there's a method to make video lessons that seem to be like they came from an experienced studio as fast as you can say "motion?" Fulfill GPTvideos, the very first online video maker worldwide to use the revolutionary GPT-4 AI modern technology. Think about Starship Business, but for your site content marketing plan. This really is video clip creation at warp pace.

Say goodbye to complex video editing. Start creating pro-quality videos with GPTvideos now!

Of course, you probably did go through that proper, and no, you're not within a science fiction movie. Through the use of sophisticated AI technology, GPTvideos provides a really progressive strategy to make online video content. It's creating video clips, however, not in how we're accustomed to.

GPTvideos allows you for companies to generate video clip content, which had been a tricky process. It removes the need for complicated software and extended hours of modifying, placing these older ways of doing things from the virtual trash can. This highly effective resource for making videos is about rate, effectiveness, and, first and foremost, top quality.

But GPTvideos' magic doesn't finish there. This intelligent resource will make content in virtually any vocabulary, not only English. "Por qué," you may ask? Easy. Terminology diversity is much more essential than in the past in our globalised marketplace. GPTvideos knows this and stops working vocabulary boundaries to aid enterprises get in touch with men and women all over the world.

This software has many uses and isn't fussy either. GPTvideos has arrived to spread your concept, no matter if you're a start up making an identity on your own, the local organization looking to attain many people, or even a international firm seeking new strategies to do points.

Nonetheless unclear? Let's talk phone numbers. GPTvideos already are being used by enterprises around the world, as well as the outcomes are nothing short of awesome. By converting to the innovative video creation instrument, your clients will be more engaged, very likely to acquire, and more content all round.

But what's the magic element? The GPT-4 AI technology is a big step forward. This OpenAI type of synthetic intellect is famous for its capability to understand and produce textual content that looks want it was published by a person. GPTvideos takes advantage of this technological innovation and utilizes it to improve how movie content is produced.

So, how exactly does it work? Just inform the GPT-4 AI technological innovation concerning your content material, and it will surely do the rest. Before very long, you'll use a excellent online video that one could share with the world. This can help you incredible your viewers and overcome out your competition.

GPTvideos is the way forward for producing video lessons, and it's currently here. It's about time we completely got rid of difficult-to-use online video editing application and words constraints. With GPTvideos, it is possible to tell your individual tale and get in touch with your audience, even when they don't talk the same vocabulary or live in some other nation.

No more editing and enhancing for countless hours. Quit creating your site content only available in one words. It's time and energy to acknowledge the way forward for creating video lessons, which is GPTvideos. Give it a try-your target audience (along with your productiveness) will be grateful.

The long run is already worldwide of GPTvideos. Why then hang on? With GPTvideos, you could start your trip into the way forward for making video lessons today.

[countessvyronika]

When the bullet hit my shoulder it hurt so much more than the last time I was shot. Higher caliber, plus last time I was already running. This was more of a surprise. I didn’t feel myself lose balance, but I felt myself hit the ground. My head bounced painfully off of the pavement and I lay there for a moment processing my pain. I had been shot by accident, the fight was between two people on the other side of the streets. Other pedestrians were shouting and running, brakes squeaked out from cars with drivers just as alarmed and confused. The first realization that I wouldn’t be standing up anytime soon was that my entire right arm was non responsive. I felt the first tick of fear when I realized that the rest of my body wasn’t being responsive enough for me to get up either. A warmth had been spreading underneath me and I felt weightless like I was floating. My breathing slowed and I couldn’t force it to pick back up. It was as if I was falling asleep but I couldn’t wake myself up. Unbidden, flashes of my life up to that point started sparking across my mind. I sat with the realization that I had never done anything worthwhile. I hadn’t accomplished anything. My life had been full of hardships, tragedy, heartache, and still nothing had come of it. Nothing had been worth the effort of living at all. I left no permanent reminder of my existence, had never written a great work or created anything important or meaningful or long-lasting. I was only a memory and the people that knew me needn’t bother to remember. I felt my last breath slip from me, could not force my diaphragm to pull another in. Then, there was nothing. A black void of endless nothingness that no religion had ever prepared me for. And it was not lonely. It was not cold or sad. At once, it was everything that had every been and never was. I was held and there was no trauma and no pain and I felt at peace and at one for the first time since being born. It was empty and it was full. I was nothing and I was everything. A shadow in darkness, absorbed and fulfilled. I lasted in this peace for several seconds and an eternity. Then, a jolt to my chest like mixing a five hour energy with vodka and injecting it with an epipen. “Stay with me” someone far away whispered. No, I was asleep and unwilling to wake up. Another punch to the chest and for a moment cruel light poisoned my sweet darkness and I could hear such noise pierce through, chaotic and indistinct. I pushed it away and buried myself deeper into the void. “Fight” someone whispered very close. The voice was incredibly familiar but I couldn’t place it. The voice conjured no face or name. I opened my eyes. A hospital room. There was calm but I knew that wouldn’t be the case soon. I carefully and quietly detached myself from every apparatus. Keeping an eye on my heart rate, the finger clip would be the last to be removed. I put on what was left of my clothes and pulled the hospital gown on backwards like a coat. I waited for the nurses at the station to be looking away and tossed the heartrate monitor on the bed, stuffing my now free arm into my sleeve and slipping into the hall. As long as you don’t look lost and confused, usually no one will stop you. I realized what part of town I was in as I escaped the hospital without going into bankruptcy and headed towards a friend’s house with a new story to tell. About that time I was shot and killed.

[toadstoolgardens]

25 Tips for Permaculture Living

Permaculture is a design system and approach that challenges us to engage in whole systems thinking to create a better world and a worthwhile, kick-ass life. These are just ideas, shape your permaculture plans to fit your life & community.

The 3 Ethics of Permaculture: Earth Care, People Care, Fair Share.

1. Grow food. Even just a little. A sprawling garden, a raised bed, and a little pot of basil in a windowsill are all accomplishments. Growing that food creates a relationship with the soil, the weather, and the ecosystem. It slows us down, increases our resilience, and helps us eat where we are.

2. Chop & gather wood. If you are able where you live, take responsibility for your fuel needs. I live in a rural area so this is feasible for me, but these skills can also be utilized on camping trips/when using fire pits/etc. Learn to gather wood regeneratively and how to cure, stack, and chop it. Use as little as possible in a well-kept woodstove and return the charcoal to the Earth as biochar.

3. Minimize. Pare down your closet, your kitchen appliances, your shopping trips, the number of devices you own, anything you recognize you have/do in surplus. Being happy with less is powerful, it increases gratitude and lessens want.

4. Catch and store water. If it's legal where you live to do so, catch rainwater. This can be done in many ways, for many reasons. To pump the water as the pressurized water in your home or to water your gardens and landscape. Recycled plastic rain barrels are a simple and inexpensive way to collect and store free rainwater.

5. Eat together. Slow down and eat with the ones you love, just eating, talking, and being. Give each other and the nourishment on your plate your undivided attention.

6. Buy secondhand. Commit to buying as much as you can secondhand. This slows down impulse purchasing and hugely lessens the impact of your purchase. You'll also likely end up with a higher quality item and a great deal! Since secondhand items already exist, no production is needed, no new footprint is created, better for everyone. There are online secondhand shops too if you're looking for something specific you can't find locally.

7. Stop shopping at big supermarkets. Avoid them as much as possible! They're full of plastic packaging, processed foods, and the illusion of choice. Almost every product on supermarket shelves is owned by one of 10 companies, and they certainly aren't environmentally friendly ones. For food, make basics from scratch and source whole foods from locally owned farms, markets, co-ops, and shops. Online resources like Vitacost and the Package Free Shop are great for healthier options you might not find locally.

8. Reuse all nutrients. Compost all you can. Kitchen scraps, garden scraps, yard clippings, tree prunings, charcoal & ash from the fire, and urine and manure can all be returned to the Earth and transformed.

9. Pack your lunch. We all love takeout, but packing your own meal to take with you saves money, eliminates waste, and can be eaten anywhere! Eat your lunch in the park, the woods, up a tree, get to know your local nature spaces while you eat.

10. Make your own bread. Bread is one of our most beloved basic foods. Baking it yourself will nourish you better, save money, eliminate packaging, learn a new skill, and use whole ingredients instead of mystery ingredients and preservatives in many store-bought breads.

11. Swap your gym workout for gardening. Keeping healthy and fit is so important and if you're able, working in the garden is amazing exercise. Turn a compost pile, dig a garden bed, pull weeds, prune trees, pot seedlings, chop wood, or go walking in nature and enjoy the wild garden she provides. All deeply useful tasks, a great workout, and fresh air too! Forest bathing, being and basking in nature, is extremely healthy for our bodies and minds.

12. Minimize meat. Purchase meats from local farmers & butchers and don't support factory farming whenever possible. Appreciate and respect the animal nourishing you, use every bit of the meat you purchase.

13. Take the train. If you have to take a long trip, consider the train over flying. One trip on a plane generates about 300kg of CO2, taking the rain generates 10x less. It's slower, sure, but you can relax, read, nap, enjoy the scenery, and reduce emissions.

14. Support community. In every way: shop local, eat local, support your local food bank when you have surplus, volunteer in the community, help out at the community garden, teach your neighbors a skill. Show up for your community's pollinators by caring for local lands, planting native species, and encouraging others to do so. If you're already a gardener, start a crop swap if there isn't one. Give where you can, help where you can, engage where you live.

15. Keep bees. Bees are beautiful to watch, they provide our gardens and local landscape with pollination, and provide you with honey and wax. The millions of flowers and incredible effort involved in each jar of honey garners a great appreciation for sweetness and the work of bees.

16. Sleep well. It really does make a huge difference in our moods, health, and energy we're capable of putting into the day.

17. Live small. Living in a small house means less heating, cleaning, furniture, energy costs, and housing costs. A small home also makes for an intimate space to spend time together.

18. Work for yourself when you can. Growing food and being involved in the non-monetary economy of growing, swapping, sharing, foraging, reusing is so good for our health and everyday happiness.

19. Forage wild food. If you live somewhere with natural spaces that aren't sprayed with chemicals, there's probably free food all around you. Foraging is a great way to fill your belly with seasonal freshness, for FREE! Each season offers it's own special goodies, so you also learn to live with the seasons and connect to your local nature in a new way. Be sure to positively identify all species before you consume anything!

20. Take care of your ecosystem. You are a steward of the land and every little bit helps. Pick up trash and plastic when you're out. If you own property, manage your land. Volunteer for clean ups, water testing, gardening projects. Manage invasive species if you find them and are able. Plant native species and species for pollinators. Anything, truly anything helps.

21. Build forts & tree houses. If you have space, a collaborative building project using recycled/gathered materials teaches us lots of skills and helps us appreciate everything it takes just to keep a basic roof over our heads. Plus you'll also have a nice hideaway in nature to enjoy.

22. Grow beans. Love you, beans! They improve the soil, can be grown as climbers even if you have limited space, and can be eaten fresh, frozen, or dried (which store for years, increasing resilience). Beans are self pollinating which makes saving seeds easy and they're one of the most climate-adaptable plant proteins you can grow.

23. Pass it on. Share abundance! Produce, clothing, knowledge, skills, eggs, yarn, anything. Pass it on, pay it forward, share your excess, it's a gift to both your community and yourself.

24. Share skills. A skilled community is able to look after themselves and each other. Are you a great cook? Host a cooking party and teach your friends to make their own yogurt. Love starting seeds? Hold a seed starting workshop outside your local library. It doesn't have to be complex or fancy, just have heart. Which you already have, so you're perfect. Skill shares build confidence, knowledge, and community.

25. Rise up. Silence = violence. Permaculture is about doing as little harm as possible and using our time on Earth to do the best we can, with our hands and our voices. Speak up, show up, rise up. Work for the world you want, not just the garden you want.

Keep Learning: Source

[fanfictionwritingoddity]

𝙄𝙣𝙛𝙚𝙧𝙞𝙤𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙮

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 𝟏.𝟑 𝐤 𝐭𝐰: 𝐚𝐫𝐠𝐮𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐢𝐧𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐱 𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐠: 𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 - 𝐦𝐢𝐭𝐬𝐤𝐢

( 𝙾𝚒𝚔𝚊𝚠𝚊 𝚃𝚘𝚘𝚛𝚞 𝚡 𝙶𝙽!𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛 𝙰𝚗𝚐𝚜𝚝 )

You were sitting on the couch, legs tucked against your chest as you aimlessly scrolled through social media. Everything you read was so incredibly boring, only perpetuating the sudden wave of drowsiness you felt. Glancing at the time, you realized you had about an hour and a half before you and Tooru were scheduled to go on your date. A giddy smile pasted itself on your lips, your heart skipping a beat in your chest. You hopped up, making your way to you and your boyfriends shared bedroom.

Ever since you and Oikawa had moved to Argentina, he had little time to spare for personal activities. His sights were more focused on things like training, fan meet and greets, and games. You understood, of course. However, it had been almost a year since the two of you had done anything close to a date. That was why you were so excited, barely being able to contain yourself from skipping to the bathroom.

The door opened as you reached for the knob, stunning you into a momentary silence. Tooru walked out, running his fingers gently through his soft brown locks. He was donning a crimson suit and dress pants and a white button up, finished with a red tie. The man’s eyebrow cocked in interest as you admired him, a sly grin on his mouth.

“What are you in such a rush for?”

His question made your heart drop. Oikawa couldn’t have forgotten your date, could he? You had assumed that his fancy get-up had been in preparation for your time together. Shaking your head free of the negative thoughts, you weakly smiled up at your boyfriend. You had to trust him. Sure, Tooru had imperfections like everyone did, but he would never forget something so important.

“... Our date?”

Your tone was hopeful, eyes shining in the dim light peeking through the bathroom entrance. The volleyball player blinked in confusion, cocoa brows furrowing as he probed his brain for an inkling of information about the date you were talking about. Suddenly, it all washed over him. His lips twitched into an uncomfortable smile.

“Ah... about that.. I actually have a signing today. I’m sorry, babe.”

Oikawa laid his hand on your shoulder, patting twice, before walking into the bedroom to finish getting ready. You couldn’t believe what just happened. Your significant other had canceled the date you had planned a year in advance, and the only comfort he offered was a few pats on your shoulder? The repetitive behavior struck a match in your stomach, a bonfire lighting within you. Anger contorted your features as you whipped around to face Tooru.

“Tooru, we’ve had this date planned for a year now! Couldn’t you reschedule this signing? Your fans will still be there later...”

“Are you saying you won’t? You won’t be there later?”

His voice was bitter and accusatory, almost as sharp as the cutting glance he sent over his shoulder. You flinched, taken aback by the harshness. After a moment, Oikawa looked back down to the watch he was clipping onto his wrist in front of the bedroom vanity mirror. Your heart urged you to apologize, but for one of the first times in your life, you allowed logic to take over. Steeling yourself against the aggression you were about to receive, you dug your feet into the ground, both physically and metaphorically.

“I think you should go on this date and reschedule, Tooru.”

“You know how important it is for me to interact with my fans.”

“Of course I know, but shouldn’t it be equally as important if not more for you to interact with me? I’m your significant other for god’s sake, I followed you all the way to Argentina! I didn’t come so I could be shoved aside every chance you had to increase your publicity!”

Your words caused a pause in your boyfriend’s actions. A heavy silence filled the bedroom as the clicking sounds of his watch ceased. The vermillion-clad male trained his gaze up from his arm to the mirror, meeting your eyes in the reflection. His auburn orbs were cold, devoid of their usual playfulness and mirth, jaw tensing and untensing as he processed your statements. Tooru couldn’t help the wry laugh that escaped his lips.

“Your inferiority complex is showing.”

“... What?”

The singular, murmured sentence had caught your breath in your throat. All your life you had struggled with feeling like you weren’t good enough for the people around you. You knew this, Oikawa knew this. Of course he did, you had told him years ago as you laid together under the stars. But, you promised. You both agreed on the oath that any weaknesses the other had would never be used against them in an argument.

Fights were bound to happen. No couple was perfect, and a couple that didn’t have the occasional squabble was most likely doomed to fail. You must’ve heard him wrong, right? There was no way Tooru would say such a thing to you, knowing how painful it would be, knowing he had sworn to never bring it up when you clashed.

“I said, your superiority complex is showing. I mean, look at you! You’re tripping over yourself to get a single shred of my attention. You may as well be one of my fans at this point.”

“Apologize. Now.”

The man’s eye twitched as he heard your breaking voice, and he realized what he said. The ice in his glare was replaced by instant regret. Tears were blurring your vision as you choked on the quiet following your words. Understanding that Oikawa had no intention to apologize, at least not in that moment, a sound that was a mix between a gasp and laugh escaped your lips. The tears had long since left your eyes, making salt trails down your cheek as you turned around, walked away, and began rifling through the closet.

“Baby, I-”

“Save it, Oikawa.”

You spat his name like it was venom on your tongue. In the peripherals of your vision, you saw the volleyball player tense at the use of his last name. You began to pull out some of your clothes and stuff them into a nearby empty suitcase. Tooru observed helplessly as you packed, hands twitching as he attempted to figure out a way to remedy the situation he had created. When you walked past him to take some of your jewelry, he reached out and caught your arm in an iron grip.

“Y/N, just wait, we can talk this through-”

“No, Oikawa, I’m done fucking waiting! I’ve waited a year now! Every single time I came to you with my concerns about how I felt like I wasn’t being treated as anything but a flat-mate, you always shot them down with some half-assed excuse and apology. I’m done waiting, Tooru. I deserve more than this. I deserve to be treated well, I deserve love and I deserve someone who will prioritize me over some fucking fangirls.”

Wrenching your arm out of his grip, you glimpsed the brunette’s face fall. Your heart shattered as the first tears escaped his glossy eyes. He didn’t want you to leave. You had been the only person that was always on his side and the one he could trust to always have his back. A velvet box was situated uncomfortably in his pocket, a sparkling diamond ring inside. Oikawa was going to propose to you. He was going to ask you to marry him, but he fucked it up.

It took all of his strength to not scream and cry and beg you to stay. All he could do was train his eyes on your form as you left the suite and slammed the door shut behind you. Already, the male could feel the emptiness of the abode. Everything was out of place with you gone. But, this was his fault. Tooru loved you enough to know that you did deserve better, so he let you go. He watched you leave, because you were right.

He knew this, so why did it hurt so badly?

[gedankenspaziergang]

Diversmagazin Interview  Translation

Diversmagazin released an interview with director Sarah Blaßkiewitz and Head-Writer Jasmina Wesolowski today. Read it here in German.

Jasmina (she/her), DRUCK writer since season four and head writer since season six together with Jonas Lindt. In a writers Room with Paulina Lorenz and Raquel Kishori Dukpa (Jünglinge)

Sarah (she/her) director of the last four episodes from season six

I’m leaving out the general introductory questions.

Alicia: Can you talk about the writing process? And what’s the most important thing for you while writing and telling stories?

Jasmina: We especially wanted the profound exchange with young adults who represent our protagonists. For season six we had the challenge that we wanted to tell the lovestory of a Gambian-German girl and a Vietnamese-German girl, perspectives that aren’t represented in the writer’s room. That’s why we talked a lot to research partners, to make up for our lack of knowledge/ experience, but we also talked to the actors and actresses.

Alicia: Why do different directors work on DRUCK?

Sarah: We try to produce as much in real-time as possible. And of course, we have to pre-produce but still have to work [overlappingly]. While one director is already in the editing phase, the next one already starts to shoot. Another reason is of course, that this way, also in the writer’s room, there’s more space for diversity.

 Alicia: It’s similar to the writer’s room. You’re also dividing the writing of scenes between different people. … Are you working together with racism and LGBTQIA+ experts?

Jasmina: I think we all have blind spots and that it’s absolutely impossible to end up with a perfect result. It was an important first step, that the Jünglinge collective joined. They are big advocates for queer BIPoc representation in German media. They were always present for feedback loops and made all of us, crew, actors and actresses, participate in an anti-racism workshop. We were lucky to have the brilliant author and anti-racism trainer Arpana Berndt, who advised us on these topics. On top of that, we did a lot of research on different topics. I think now it should be the only way to produce movies and shows this way, with an intensive research phase. This way you don’t appropriate the stories of others and also don’t tell inauthentic stories or, in the worst case, use hurtful clichés/stereotypes. It was helpful and needed that Black perspectives were present also behind the camera – Sara as a director, but also in the social media team, make-up department or costume design. But we are also aware that more can be done.

Sarah: It’s important to me to highlight the make-up and costume design department. When I, an afro-German person, joined this project and met other afro-German women in those departments, who can relate to me, the character of Fatou and Ava, I was really glad. I can say from many years of experience that that’s not a given.

 Alicia: How about experts on LGBTQIA+ issues?

Jasmina: To talk a bit about the process: We were set on Fatou being a lesbian pretty early on, and that was already discussed in the earlier writer’s room, where that perspective wasn’t present yet. In the beginning, those were loose ideas, and we had to implement them with the casting. The casting team Raquel Kishori Dupka, Melek Yaparak and Angelika Buschina worked closely with the directors and contacted different institutions and specifically asked for actors and actresses who could be queer. At this age this is of course a super sensitive topic. You don’t want to force young people to [define themselves/come out]. It’s a huge challenge to handle that with care and it was extremely important that the Jünglinge collective was part of the casting process.

But also, apart from the casting process, we profited a lot from the queer people in the writer’s room in the cast.

Sarah: For my part I asked the authors and queer people “What would you like? What is nice? What hurts? What’s important? Or what have I never seen before?” And then I put those different experiences into the different scenes. On top you of course need common sense (?) to portray something that you haven’t experienced yourself.

 Jasmin: I just thought of a small really beautiful example: How Fatou was given these rainbow socks as a Christmas present. You immediately notice, that was the idea of a queer person who knows what non-queer parents give to their kids as gifts. The fans notice: Queer people were in the writer’s room. Or “Ah, these actresses know, what they’re doing.“ And those are the small things that make a difference.

 Alicia: For sure! In DRUCK you notice that queer people were part of this in really subtle ways, and that [resulted] in really nice fan-moments. I can confirm that.

Right now, the community is discussing the conflict between Mailin and Ava a lot. What role does that conflict play for you and what does it teach us?

 Sarah: I’m editing the last episodes right now, so I really feel it, also because you already see the reactions online.

For me, the conflict is important because it shows over a long period of time, that not everything is always only good or only bad. That it takes a lot of time, patience and confrontation to understand all nuances of that kind of conflict.

That Ava could be prevented to outright say what’s bothering her, because we’re talking about a really serious trauma of exclusion. How do you even tell people really personal stuff when you were bullied for years? And now we have that conflict, that seemingly takes forever, and you’re always asking yourself: “Why aren’t they talking to each other?” But it’s only in real time that you realize how hurtful this conflict is. How hurtful it is what they experience. What racism means, and also what it means to [deal] with that topic as a white  German girl. And I think it’s really important that everyone is going through that with this season. That takes time and sometimes hurts. And you don’t always understand Ava and you don’t always understand Mailin. When we really [dedicate ourselves to understand this conflict] then I think, we can experience what for example a person like me experienced their whole adolescence. I’m not saying I was bullied my whole adolescence, and maybe it wasn’t because of the color of my skin, but because of something else. But that went on for half a year. After being bullied in school for half a year you’re not up for school and your classmates anymore. And you don’t talk to them anymore. And if people realize that because of this season then I’m glad. I think it’s really touching that this conflict takes up so much space.

 Jasmina: I found it really interesting what you said about the nuances, because it was a real process for me to learn how many facets this conflict has. And especially that us white people, who grow up in a society with structural racism, have a particular idea about what racism means. And that’s not a detailed and uncritical perspective of that topic: As soon as you call me racist, I feel attacked and start defending myself.

The role that this conflict played for us was to show how incredibly exhausting it is as a Person of Color, to always have to deal with these problems and that there’s a kind of fatigue, that you don’t want to talk (or should want to talk) about certain topics anymore, especially if you have other things going on in your life on top of it.

On the other hand, we have Mailin, who has a strong desire to understand. She’s not aware of her privileges as a white girl. We want to take this journey together, when she starts to realize things and when she goes through different stages; until she understands, what it is really about. We also have an arc there that isn’t finished. Because in real life, you have to deal with some topics over and over again. We think it’s especially important to show that it’s not the job of Black people to explain racism to their white  friends. By now, they have all the resources to educate themselves and to talk with other white people about this topic, to unburden Black people.

 Alicia: That’s really interesting! The lovestory of Kieu My and Fatou is an important part of season six, which many queer young adults love. How is the relationship between Fatou and Kieu My representative for a generation?

Sarah: I can actually also see it in an older generation. When I send the cuddle clip of Kieu My and Fatou to my grandpa, he says ���Wow, how amazing that a Viet-German and a Afro-German girl are lying in bed together, talk in German and are in a relationship.” This generation hopefully isn’t alone anymore, for example in the sense of: being the only Afro-German person in a small city. That changed and now we see it in that second and third generation. And that’s why it shows me something very real and beautiful.

 Alicia: Which scene are you really proud of and why?

Sarah: My favorite scene, and one I’m really proud of and that was really important concerning the pressure of school, was with the main character Fatou. It’s about a path of finding yourself from Fatou and a [Reinigungsmoment] with her brother. Two people, who know each other from the moment of their birth, are sitting together. When I read that scene I thought yes, I can relate, I can feel that, and when we shot that, a world opened for me. And that was partly because of the music, which was decided before we shot this scene. Then we shot it and it was fucking cold, but we shot it again and again but every time we really felt it like the first time. And when I now watch that scene while editing, it really is the perfect moment. Every facial expression is perfect, every reaction. And that’s that kind of truthful (?) moment you’re looking for as an actor, actress, director or author. When everything fits.

 (There’s a script for every social media part, What’s App Chats and ideas for social media stories. )

 Alicia: When can we expect the next season and what will it be about?

Jasmina: For now, DRUCK is finished and we have to wait how it will continue. Fingers are crossed and of course we’re hoping for a new season.

[Note by me: We‘re not gonna spiral, Jünglinge looked for more writers, Black writers, on facebook a while ago. Nothing is safe but they probably don’t want to make any promises]

[seasonschange-butpeopledont]

Everyday Heroes

Pairing: Marcus Moreno x F!Reader

Warnings: A few curse words, an explosion, implied injury, depressed reader, minor character death, grief, and a bit of pining

Word Count: 3,364

Author’s Note: This got out of hand and apparently I only know how to write hopeless pining. Do we agree that Marcus gives off Clark Kent vibes or am I alone in this?

Summary: The three times you discovered Marcus Moreno was a hero. 

Taglist Form - Masterlist

When you’d left the house that morning, the heels you wore had seemed like a great idea. 

You were headed in for your first day at your new job and you wanted to make a good impression by wearing what you perceived to be your most professional outfit. You’d made it to the coffee shop down the street from your apartment with minimal difficulty, though you were certain to have blisters on your feet by the end of the day. Thankfully, your receptionist position meant that you would spend the majority of your day more or less chained to the front desk, answering phones, taking messages, scheduling appointments, and greeting visitors. 

You didn’t know much about Vil-Tech. You’d googled them before your first interview, of course- you weren’t a total idiot and you’d never dare show up unprepared, especially when you needed this job so badly- but your search had yielded only a few results. Most of what you’d found had been articles from the newspaper. The researchers at the lab had, apparently, recently had some success in clean energy technology. Protons, neutrons, particle accelerators, electromagnetic fields… You knew nothing about it, really, but it sounded impressive. And clean energy had to be good, right? When they’d hired you, it hadn’t seemed like a big deal that you knew next to nothing about the company itself. They were only looking for a receptionist, after all, not a scientist. If they’d wanted you to know exactly what was going on in the floors above you, you were sure that they would have let you know. 

With your coffee in hand, you made your way towards the Vil-Tech building. All in all, it seemed like the universe was on your side this morning. You’d woken up early enough to make yourself look decent. Your favorite barista had made your coffee just the way you liked it, and it even looked like you would be early for work. 

And then it all seemed to happen in slow motion. 

The upper half of your body was already moving forward, even as the heel of your shoe remained firmly wedged in the sidewalk crack. You felt the coffee sloshing around in the stainless steel travel mug in your hands, threatening to douse your crisp white blouse in the steaming beverage. You blindly threw your hand out in front of you, bracing yourself to hit the concrete and thinking to yourself that this was just one of those days when this might as well happen. 

But the harsh impact you’d prepared yourself for never came. 

It had taken you a moment to process that someone had caught you. Someone with impeccable reflexes, it seemed, as not only had they rescued you from taking a humiliating fall in the middle of a busy sidewalk, but they also managed to save your coffee without spilling a drop. To say that you were impressed by the feat was an understatement.

But when you looked up at your savior, you were damn near speechless. 

“Are you okay?” He asked, his dark eyes finding yours from beneath his black-framed glasses. And, other than the approximately thirty-seven heart attacks you’d had in the span of 2.5 seconds only moments before, you found yourself nodding in confirmation. 

“I’m fine. I… Thank you,” You breathed out, a warm, tingly feeling spreading out from your chest and right down to your toes. Gods, he had the most beautiful eyes you’d ever seen. He appeared to be somewhere in his mid-forties, and wore a leather jacket with his slacks and tie, a combination you’d never quite seen before, but decided suited him quite well. 

“Are you sure? You look a little dizzy,” He noted. His arm was still around your waist, and you were grateful for it, because you didn’t quite trust the integrity of your knees at the moment.

After a few moments, which had exceeded the socially acceptable amount of time to moon over a stranger while clutching their remarkably toned biceps for dear life by a long-shot, your brain finally seemed to catch up to the rest of you, and promptly flooded your thoughts with embarrassment. You released your death-grip on his arms immediately, trying to maintain your dignity as you yanked your heel from the concrete crevice in a distinctly unladylike manor. All the while, the handsome stranger remained right there, dutifully holding your coffee and trying his best to hide the amusement in his eyes with a polite smile. 

Taking a deep breath and smoothing out your outfit, you nodded at him once again. “I’m fine,” You said in what you hoped was your most composed voice. He promptly handed you your coffee, and you swore you felt electricity when his fingers brushed against yours. 

“Glad to hear it,” He remarked, “That would have been a nasty fall.” 

“Nice save, Clark,” You joked, attempting your most charming smile. Were you flirting? Could you even consider this flirting?

“Clark?” He repeated, his eyebrows raised in curiosity. 

“You know, Clark Kent… with the glasses and... lightning-fast reflexes… saving me from an incredibly embarrassing moment?” You explained weakly. It wasn’t as if you’d never spoken to an attractive man before, but it seemed that the universe was decidedly not on your side this morning after all.

“Superman?” Another smile found its way to his face. He seemed flattered by your comment. “My daughter loves those comics.” At the mention of his daughter, your eyes quickly darted down to his left hand. There was no wedding ring there, but it was clear that there had been one there in the past. 

“Well, your daughter has excellent taste. And we could all use a few more heroes in our lives, right?” You sighed wistfully, before adding, “Thank you, by the way.” 

“It was no big deal,” He assured you. “I’m always happy to help a pretty lady in need.” 

You laughed quietly at the last part, finding the cheesiness of it adorable. You weren’t quite sure why you were still lingering on the street corner, except that you couldn’t quite bring yourself to walk away just yet. He seemed equally as reluctant to part from you, both of you grinning shyly at one another as you soaked in the meet-cute moment. Right up until his eyes fell to the ID badge clipped to your bag, that is. 

“Is that a Vil-Tech badge?”

There was a hint of disappointment in his tone that you couldn’t quite assign a cause for. It wasn’t the question you were expecting. You’d expected him to ask your name, or maybe offer you his, but you could practically see the gears turning in his head by now, so you humored him.

“Yep,” You confirmed. “It's my first day. I’m just a receptionist, though…” 

He nodded slowly, his eyebrows pinching together. He didn’t even try to hide his frown. What was it about Vil-Tech that seemed to bother him so much?

“I’m really sorry, but I’m running late for work,” He said finally, nodding in the direction you had just come from. He turned his attention back to you, his eyes staring into yours as he spoke with the utmost seriousness. “Good luck on your first day, and… Look after yourself, okay? Vil-Tech might not be what you think it is.” 

And with that, he brushed past you, seemingly in quite a hurry as he disappeared into the crowd and left you standing there, disappointment sinking deep into your bones. 

You didn’t even get his name. 

***

You didn’t see him again for a month. 

Not that you often thought about him or his dreamy eyes and ridiculously charming smile or his strong arms around your waist. And definitely not that you sometimes idly wondered where he was and how his day was going while you were grocery shopping or stuck at the laundromat. 

Okay, maybe you did. 

Maybe you went to that same coffee shop every week day, hoping that you might bump into him again. 

And maybe you sometimes imagined those eyes staring into yours and arms around you in situations where you weren’t making a complete fool of yourself. 

You felt silly for being that girl. The one who falls hopelessly in love with strangers you pass on the streets, with anyone who thinks that anyone who so much as holds the door open for you could be your true love. You were a grown up, for goodness sake. You weren’t supposed to believe in that kind of thing anymore. 

But it was those ridiculous daydreams you found yourself caught up in when a team of Heroics stormed into Vil-Tech on a Tuesday afternoon. 

“I apologize, sir, but Dr. Pershing is out of the office today…” You sighed, listening to the supplier ramble on and on about the importance of Dr. Pershing returning his call. You had already scribbled the message down, along with his name and phone number. “Yes, I’ll be sure to give him the message.” It was difficult to hide the exasperation in your tone. 

“That’s what you said the last time,” The man snapped. “Pershing didn’t return my calls for a week. I don’t know why they can’t hire someone who knows how to take a message properly. God knows they’ve got the money for it.” 

You tapped the tip of your pen against the notepad on your desk, feeling a lump beginning to form in your throat. “I apologize, Mr. Wells. I’ll make sure that Dr. Pershing gets your message as soon as he returns.” 

“You’d better,” He grumbled, before the line went dead. 

You let out a slow breath, easing yourself back from the edge of tears. It had been like this all morning. The scientists in the building were off at a conference for the week, leaving you behind to copy down messages and field angry phone calls. 

Stan, the elderly security guard, if you could call him that, offered you a sympathetic smile from his post by the door. You returned it weakly.

Closing your eyes, you tried to think of something else. Brown eyes, charming smile, strong arms. You repeated it like a mantra. Electricity. The feeling of safety. That warm, fluttering feeling in your stomach, and a rush of calm. 

When you opened your eyes again, you found Stan staring slack-jawed as the Heroics sprinted into the building, announcing to you, Stan, and the maintenance staff that you all needed to clear the building immediately. They offered no explanation for their frantic demands, but when a guy in spandex and a cape tells you to go, you go. You were sure that, whatever it was, you’d be able to catch the reason for the strange event on the news later that evening. You’d watched them destroy city hall enough times from the comfort of your living room to be sure that you wanted out of this building as soon as possible. 

But, given that this was your first call-the-Heroics-level emergency, it seems that your idea of immediacy was a bit different from theirs. In the time that it had taken you to grab your jacket, shove your laptop in your purse, and sling the bag over your shoulder, you had already been tackled to the ground by some idiot in a tactical vest. 

You don’t remember much about the explosion. 

You’d later learn that Vil-Tech Labs dealt in more than just technological innovation. The research they’d been conducting while locked away in the uppermost floors of the building, all of that gibberish involving the off-site particle accelerator you’d read about, was both sinister and invaluable. Rather than letting the Heroics get their hands on their files to uncover their plans and stop them from being set in motion, they’d decided to set off an explosion in their own goddamn building. And thanks to that ‘idiot in a tactical vest’, you were one of the only survivors. 

But in the meantime, while you were lying on your back in the middle of the lobby feeling like you’d been hit by a train, you were clueless about the nefarious action of the company you’d spent the last month working for. The only thing you could seem to focus on was the pain in your head from where you’d smacked it against the tile flooring, and the weight of the fully grown man on top of you that was currently restricting your breathing. 

You must have hit your head even harder than you thought, because there was no way in hell the man who’d been starring in all of your daydreams for months was here, now, on top of you, with katanas strapped to his back. You refused to accept that as a reality. Would he even remember you? Why would he? Apparently, the man you’d developed a  stupid little crush on was a superhero. He probably helped people all of the time and you were just another-

“What the fuck?” You finally hissed, gasping for air. The air was smokey and it stung your eyes and nose when you inhaled. 

His breathing hitched slightly when you looked up at him, the look of fear clear on your face. “You okay?” He asked, still hovering above you as he pushed himself up on his elbows, careful to avoid the shattered glass that now seemed to cover every flat surface in sight. 

“I’m… reasonably certain I’m not dead,” You replied, an edge of panic in your voice, which was a bit shakier than you would have liked. “What’s happening? I don’t- I don’t understand- Where is Stan-” You coughed, your lungs burning. 

You idly wondered how long you had before the building started to collapse, its structural integrity surely compromised by the explosion. Of all the ways you could die, being buried alive was up there with the ones you dreaded the most. Your growing panic must have been obvious. 

“Hey, calm down,” He reassured you. “I’m going to get you out of here. You’re going to be just fine.” 

The room was still spinning when you felt yourself being scooped up into his arms, the edges of your vision growing more and more fuzzy with each breath you took. 

“We have got to stop meeting like this, Clark” You murmured. You swear you feel, rather than hear, a laugh rumble in his chest just before the world goes dark. Maybe he did remember you after all. 

***

It’s only a little more than a week later, long after you’ve woken up in the hospital and been discharged, that you find yourself sitting in the coffee shop down the street. It’s a Thursday morning, and you’re staring blankly into your vanilla latte. 

You aren’t sure why you’re up so early. The doctors had ordered you to take it easy, and it’s not like you had a job to go to anymore. You could have slept in, made your own coffee at home, and stayed curled up on your couch watching Netflix and hiding from the rest of the world like you had been for the past week. You felt horrible that you’d been associated with a place like Vil-Tech. You should have known that something was off about the place, but you’d never realized it, never bothered to look into anything when things seemed off. You felt so stupid for it now. Were you just as bad as the rest of them? Sure, all you’d done was answer phones for them, but…

Stan, your only friend at Vil-Tech, the kind man who had shared half of his sandwich at lunch with you more times than you could count and always had a smile for you when he greeted you in the mornings, had never made it out of the building. You supposed that you should consider yourself lucky that the Heroics had saved you, but the loss of your friend and the knowledge that Vil-Tech was certainly not what you thought it was, had shaken you. 

You’d felt different when you woke up this morning. Like, maybe, leaving your apartment and getting some fresh air wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world.

Your favorite barista had smiled sympathetically when you walked through the doors. You must have looked as bad as you felt. Considering you hadn’t showered since you’d gotten home from the hospital, you were sure that you were quite a sight. 

“Good morning!” She greeted, mustering up her cheeriest demeanor for you. “The usual, right?”

You nodded, not quite making eye contact as you handed her your card to pay. She quickly waved you off. 

“It’s on the house today, hon. And I insist that you take this chocolate chip muffin. I’ll make you feel better.” 

Your heart ached at her kindness, the act almost forcing tears in your eyes once again. That was the thing that you realized over the past few days. The Heroics were great, but there were plenty of everyday heroes out there as well. Sometimes it was Ashely the Barista, who scribbles a smiley face and a compliment on your cup on the mornings that seem particularly rough. Sometimes it was Stan the Security Guard, who offers to teach you sudoku on your lunch breaks. And sometimes it was a stranger you passed on the street, who catches you when you fall. 

You sat down at a table in the corner of the coffee shop, your vanilla latte and chocolate chip muffin sat out in front of you, untouched for the moment. You didn’t usually sit down to have your coffee, but you had nowhere to be today, and you were finding that you appreciated not being alone for a while. 

You heard the bells above the door jingle, signaling that a new customer had entered the shop. You looked up to see a man with dark hair and a familiar leather jacket walking towards the barista to place his order. You listened closely as he gave his name for his order, though you’d heard it plenty of times on the news this week. A smile tugged at the corners of your lips for the first time in over a week.

Marcus Moreno, your own personal Superman. 

You hadn’t meant to stare, but it was undeniably strange to see the man who had saved you not once, but twice, doing something as mundane as making his morning coffee run. After he paid, he turned towards the groupings of tables and chairs, searching for a place to sit while he waited for his drink to be ready. When his eyes landed on you, you raised your hand in a small wave. You were nervous about how he’d react to seeing you here. You had no doubt that he recognized you this time.

You weren’t exactly sure what the protocol was for meeting a real-life superhero again after they had saved your life. Were you supposed to pretend not to know each other? Should you have paid for his coffee? Did you make a public declaration to name your first born child after him?

To your surprise, he simply smiled back at you with the most heart-stopping, breathtaking smile you’d ever seen in your life, and returned your wave. It was as simple as that, you thought. Marcus Moreno, the superhero with katanas at this back and a team of Heroics at his side, the closest thing to Superman you’d ever met, was impressive. But Marcus Moreno, the helpful man with a kind, beautiful smile and warm, friendly eyes, whose mere existence had never failed to cheer you up? He was magnificent. An everyday hero, indeed. 

He made this way through the crowd and over to your table, gesturing to the seat across from you as if to ask for your permission to sit down. You nodded, feeling a sense of warmth blossoming in your chest. The same way you’d felt when you saw him for the first time. The same feeling that you’d been dreaming about for months. 

Hope, you realized. 

“Hi,” He greeted. “I, uh, I never caught your name. I’m Marcus Moreno.” 

As you gave him your name, you decided that maybe you could start by just saying thank you. 

General Taglist: @theravenreads @marshmallowtraver @computeringturtle @adikaofmandalore @pascalisthepunkest

Marcus Moreno Taglist: @xjaywritesx​

[sage-nebula]

I started typing up a post on my opinions of the characters in Neo TWEWY, but when I got to Neku's segment it got so long that I realized it needed to be its own post. So if you want me to elaborate on how I feel they did my favorite boy dirty, head below the cut.

First of all, to get it out of the way: his English voice is absolutely atrocious. Given that he has the same voice actor here as he did in the original, I really don’t know what went wrong. Was Mr Corti mentally checked out and only doing this for the paycheck? Was the voice director high on cough syrup on the days Corti was in the office? Who the heck knows, but it’s bad. Not only is Neku’s voice way too deep (he was fifteen in the first game, he’d already been through puberty, his voice shouldn’t have broken again, it’s not like Beat’s did!), but there was pretty much 0 acting to be found. The closest we got to an actual performance is when Neku yelled Beat’s name a couple times during the chaos that went down at the end of Week 3. That was it. Otherwise, it sounded like Corti was just reading his lines with zero surrounding context and zero effort into actually acting them rather than just reading them while either half asleep or bored out of his skull. It’s supremely disappointing and an honest disrespect to the character. Again, I don’t know if this was because of the voice direction or what, but whatever it was, I hated hearing Neku actually talk and that kills me considering he was my favorite of the main cast in the original game.

Which brings me to the bigger issue, which is his characterization. Neo!Neku has zero personality. I’ve said this on multiple posts, and I’ll say it again. He has no personality. It’s gone. I think that when Coco shot him at the end of “A New Day” she not only killed his physical body, but also any semblance of personality he once had, and honestly it kills me because, again, he was my favorite of the original cast.

To elaborate:

Over the course of the original game, Neku goes from a closed off, snarky, trauma-ridden jerkass to a more open, snarky, loyal friend and defender of those who need it. By the end of Week 3 Neku is open to meeting new people (though he’s not completely open either; as he tells Joshua in his ending monologue, it’s still hard for him, but he’s trying), he’s more patient with those around him, he sees more value in the people and the world around him and he’s learning to open himself up and actually enjoy the moment, rather than just saying he does. Moreover, whereas he was fully ready to kill in order to escape the Game at the start (thank god for Hanekoma stepping in), by the end he breaks down crying over . . . well, everything, but in that exact moment it was because Joshua was hinging Neku’s own life on Neku’s ability to pull the trigger on Joshua, and he couldn’t. Neku underwent remarkable change over the course of the original game and I would never, not even once, say that I’d want Neku in Neo to be characterized how he was at the start of (or even in the middle of) the original game.

However.

There is no semblance of Neku, period, in the character that we get in Neo. The closest that we get to any kind of snarky humor from him is when he asks Beat if Beat died again, and that’s why he’s in the UG. Despite being fiercely loyal to his friends (and despite knowing that Minamimoto is a shady bitch out for himself first and foremost), he says with a smile that Minamimoto has ~changed~ or is ~trying to~ despite having absolutely no evidence of that whatsoever, and walking in on Minamimoto literally trying to murder Beat. He’s BFFs with Coco despite the fact that Coco killed him, purely because her motivations were good, and he chastises Beat for not trusting her even though Beat witnessed that murder and has had to live with it for the past three years. Many of his voice clips don’t sound like him (“well done,” for example, just sounds too proper for him, it doesn’t sound like the way he talks; “nice one” or “good job” would be more appropriate), he’s perfectly fine and not awkward at all with everyone calling him a legend, he seems to have no issue whatsoever with the fact that he’s been trapped in Shinjuku’s UG (or in-between the UG and the RG) for the past three years, and overall it feels a whole lot less like Neku-as-a-character and more like Neku-as-an-exposition-mentor. Like he wasn’t here to be himself, he was here because a.) it was expected because this was the sequel, and b.) he’s the closest to Hanekoma they could get, even though he’s not acting like Hanekoma either.

Here’s the thing.

Yes, it’s expected that Neku would have matured even more by the time this game rolls around than he had by the end of Week 3. It’s expected that, much like Beat, Neku has grown up and changed as a result of that maturation as well. However . . .

1.) Beat is still noticeably Beat despite his maturation, and

2.) Neku didn’t get to grow up in the same way that Beat did, by virtue of being dead and stuck in hell for the past three years.

Neku’s life for the past four years has basically been a rollercoaster of trauma. First, his friend dies on his way to meet Neku, which Neku blames himself for (and I’m pretty sure this takes place about a year before the original game, though I could be wrong on that). Then, while he’s still struggling with processing his grief, he’s murdered by Joshua and put into the Reapers’ Game. He has to go through three extremely difficult weeks with his life on the line, during which he learns to process his previous trauma in a healthier way while getting a bunch of fresh new trauma dropped on his plate. He escapes that Game with his new friends, but then less than a year later he is murdered again, and this time he’s locked in a hellspace where Shinjuku used to be, and not only that, but he is trapped there with his murderer, who is not sorry at all that she killed him and instead believes that it was the right thing to do despite the fact that Shinjuku has already undergone the Inversion and Neku is just stuck there now with the thoughts of the nonexistent swirling through his head. Presumably his powers, which were already incredibly powerful, grow exponentially during this time as a result of the space he’s in, but that’s not really the point. The point is, Neku went through a trauma conga line with no time to really breathe or process any of it, and while I can believe that he came to trust Coco enough so that they could both get out of Shinjuku, I can’t believe that going through all that trauma without any chance to live a normal, happy life would produce a smiling mentor figure who’s just here to blithely exposit without any real emotion, or any of his trademark snarky humor. It’s not realistic maturation, especially because maturation isn’t supposed to stamp out aspects of your personality that make you, you. Just as Beat is able to still recognizably be Beat while also being more mature, Neku should have been recognizably Neku, and he isn’t. If you were handed the script with all the names blacked out, you would never be able to tell his lines were his. And honestly, that absolutely crushes me, especially since I was so excited for him to come back since I love him so incredibly much.

Honestly, I’m tempted to rewrite that last portion of the game so that Neku acts more like himself—so that we can actually hear him instead of this bland exposition fairy they put in his place. But whether I do that or not, just know that I found Neku to be incredibly disappointing, and I think he deserved better on just about every front. The only really good thing about him was his design, and the fact that he still did the fingers-to-temples gesture when he reached out to the minds of Shibuya during the end segment. (I was literally chanting, “do the thing, do the thing!” so I was very happy when he did, in fact, do the thing.) And considering how important he is as a character in this series, that was just . . . so incredibly disappointing.

[littleoddwriter]

Heavy Heart | Roman Sionis x Male!Reader

Another Vent Fic, sorry. This time with Arrowverse!Roman Sionis (Batwoman Season 2), though. The episodes still aren’t out here, but I think I’ve seen enough Clips to at least get his voice and feel right. Sorry if not (in case anyone even ends up reading this).

summary; You’re struggling with personal issues, regarding your interpersonal relationships. Roman unexpectedly shows up at your doorstep and you have a heart-to-heart.

notes; Male!Reader; Reader has Borderline Personality Disorder; Favourite Person (FP); Rejection; Abandonment Issues; Spiralling; Mild Dissociation; Self-Harm (Scratching and Cutting); Blood; Hurt/Comfort; Unexpected Visit; Love Confessions; Soft Kisses; Hugs; Little Dialogue.

It’s only been a couple of months, since you and Roman have started dating. Honestly, you’d never expected it to happen at all. You’ve been his assistant at Janus Cosmetics for over two years at that point, while you’ve been silently crushing on him the entire time. So to say that you were ecstatic about the fact that he liked you, too, would’ve been an understatement.

Naturally, as it always happened, Roman has become your new Favourite Person all too quickly and crushingly. Of course, at this point in your still blooming relationship you couldn’t care less, because you were happy, you were on top of the world when you only thought about him and the way he kissed you and wrapped his arms around your waist.

Still, in the back of your mind, this tiny voice kept reminding you that every time you’ve had an FP in your life, it didn’t end well; and it never lasted very long – a year tops, maybe. So, you were cautious, like you always were. You were hyper aware of everything you said and did around him; how often you texted him; how fast you responded to him; how many gifts you made for him and how much time passed in-between them. All so you wouldn’t fuck it up by being too much or too little. You were desperately trying to find this golden balance between it all.

The last time you had a Favourite Person wasn’t too long ago, actually. They had still been it when Roman has asked you on your first date with him. But not even a week afterwards, they had suddenly stopped responding to your texts and ignored you. They had never tried to contact you again and you were far too afraid and anxious to do it on your own accord after too much time has passed already. After all, you had already convinced yourself that they had lost interest in you and hated your guts all of a sudden.

Of course, you had tried to forget about them, which was made a little easier by the fact that your entire focus was on one Roman Sionis. Still, it didn’t prevent you from thinking about this supposed friend at least once a day, if not more, and wondering where it had gone wrong and if the same would happen with Roman very soon. It was bound to happen after all, and since this particular friendship had ended so very suddenly after not even four months, you could only fear how long your relationship with Roman would last.

Every single day, you tried your damnedest not to ponder too much and let anxiety overtake your body. Instead, you attempted to just focus on Roman and how much you loved him, which was a whole lot and far too much, to the point where it caused your chest to hurt. Often times, you wondered if it would be acceptable of you to already say those three particular words to him, or if that would ruin everything. You were incredibly uncertain, and he never seemed as though he was going to say them any time soon. Either way, you forced yourself to be patient and not fuck everything up again.

The fact that Roman had asked you out, even though he very much knew about your BPD diagnosis had shocked you to your core, but it somewhat calmed you down to know that it wasn’t a secret between you two (you had even checked in with him if he really knew upon his question). Still, you often wondered if he was truly aware of how much baggage you had on your shoulders and just how exhausting it could be to be in a relationship with a person who had this particular disorder – not only for you, but for him as well.

As the months have stretched on with barely an incident between you two, you had allowed yourself to get a tiny bit more comfortable. Whether or not you should regret it was beyond you, when your best friends have suddenly ceased to respond to your texts and more and more people around you have seemed to ignore you. At first you’ve given it all some time and tried not to jump to conclusions, because you knew they were all busy with their own lives and weren’t always in the mood to talk or text – and you respected that, you knew exactly what that was like.

But as two days have turned into four and essentially a whole week, you couldn’t help yourself anymore.

Feelings of utter loneliness and rejection overcame you in waves. You’ve been short of crying every couple of minutes; your chest hurt so much; your skin felt so tight – you desperately wanted to claw it off.

Then, you started to isolate yourself more and more. At work, you acted mostly normal, just like always – putting on this mask of being fine and a good worker – when in reality, your entire world was falling apart piece by piece.

None of it went past Roman, of course, he was way too perceptive for that. But when he asked you what was wrong, you deflected the question and said that it wasn’t important, it would be okay in a few hours or days anyway.

That wasn’t the case, though.

It didn’t get better at all. The feelings just wouldn’t go away. Every time you looked at your phone and saw all the unanswered messages you’d sent out to people weeks and months ago made your heart heavy and your chest tighten painfully. The more time passed, the worse it got.

Eventually, you also just couldn’t help wondering about Roman and doubting his interest in you. Was he truly interested in you at all? Would he have enough of you soon? Would he drop you gently or harshly? Would you even still have a job when he did? Fuck, it certainly wasn’t the best idea to date your boss, was it?

As you sat at your desk at home, preparing Roman’s schedule for the next week, your phone suddenly pinged. Immediately you took it into your hands to see if it was Roman – he was the only one who you were talking to at all anymore, after all. But then you saw that it was your previous Favourite Person, the one right before Roman. They had reacted to something you had posted on social media. They had commented on it as though they hadn’t suddenly stopped talking to you months ago.

As soon as you saw it, your eyes burned with tears that suddenly pricked them, your heart clenched so painfully and your skin was crawling. You were hurt and confused. It was all too much.

Just half an hour before that you had exchanged a few texts with an acquaintance you had on social media, which was as unfulfilling as it always had been. They clearly didn’t care about you, since they would never once truly ask how you were feeling, but in fact only talked about themselves and their life’s struggles. You were nothing but a tool for them to vent their worries to without an ounce of care in what you had to say in the least. It was a role you’d been very much used to, but it didn’t make it hurt any less.

So, naturally all of this was a lot for you to process – too much, really – and you felt so many negative emotions all at once. They were crushing you. You were in agony.

As the urge to hurt yourself to relieve the emotional pain and exchange it with a temporary physical one overcome you, you forced yourself to take a few deep breaths and distract yourself first, before you did something you would later regret.

Unfortunately, it only lasted for a few minutes at a time, as the urge became bigger and your anguish stronger.

Only a few hours later, you decided to shower and as soon as you got dressed, you couldn’t even think twice before your fingernails met your neck’s skin and scratched it open. You stared at yourself in the mirror as your hands just kept on moving, all across your neck and collarbones, scratching away intensely until it was bright red, irritated and bleeding.

For a moment, you inspected the fresh wounds.

It still wasn’t enough.

You quickly disinfected the irritated, scratched-open areas and then proceeded to take out the small blade you kept in the drawer below your bathroom sink. Then, you pressed it against your inner forearm and drew a small, deep line with it, causing blood to well up instantly as sharp pain shot through you. You set the blade down and squeezed around your wound, forcing out more blood. You desperately needed to see it flow out of you.

A few seconds passed and you took the blade back into your hand and rested it a few inches below your fresh cut.

You hesitated.

Shaking your head, you put it back into the drawer and instead nursed your still bleeding wound.

After all, you’ve already done more than enough damage.

The loud and sudden ringing of your doorbell startled you and you quickly, but quietly, walked towards your apartment door to look through the peephole. Roman stood in front of your door.

Were you supposed to meet him and you forgot amidst all the pain you’ve been in?

Nervously, you opened the door and smiled at him. It hurt to smile. You could only guess how strained it must have looked, not to forget the angry red and mildly bleeding wounds on your neck that you had no way of hiding, then.

“Roman, wh- what are you doing here? Sorry, uh, come in first, maybe,” you stammered out your awkward greeting, stepping to the side to let Roman into your apartment, while your heart violently hammered against your rib cage.

“I’m sorry for suddenly coming by, but I’ve actually been in the area and thought I could pay you a little visit. I missed you,” he replied as he walked past you and hung his coat on the hook on the wall, “Besides, I tried to let you know by sending you a text, but I suppose you were busy showering by the looks of it.”

“Oh- yeah. Yes, sorry. It’s okay, though. I missed you, too. I’m glad to see you,” you responded softly, nervously looking around the room and avoiding his eyes.

Suddenly his arms wrapped around your waist and pulled you close, your bodies flush against one another. His left arm travelled up and around when he cupped your cheek with his hand and gently stroked his thumb over it, before he leaned in to kiss you on the lips. You were entirely too overwhelmed and still a little beside yourself, but you reciprocated the chaste kiss automatically and put your arms around his shoulders.

When he broke the kiss, he looked you over. You could feel the shame crawling beneath your skin, making you feel far too hot.

“I didn’t catch you at a good time, did I?” he inquired quietly, grazing his fingers over the wounds on your neck so very lightly so as not to hurt you more.

Because of how tight your throat felt, you could only shake your head and avert your gaze.

Roman heaved a deep sigh and kissed your forehead softly, “It’s okay, sweetheart. You don’t have to hide from me,” he murmured against your brow, “May I ask what’s caused this?”

Hesitating, you opened and closed your mouth a couple of times, so short of crying again, as you thought about whether or not it would scare him off if you told him the truth. In the end, you nodded, though.

“Let’s sit down first, please. Can I get you something to drink?” you said brokenly, daring to look at him for a second.

“Water, please.”

Quickly, you walked into the kitchen and got Roman a glass of water, while he sat down on your couch in the living room. Your hand was shaking when you passed him the glass and he looked at you with such a soft expression that it took your breath away.

Why wasn’t he up and running already?

When you sat down next to him, he set the glass down on the table in front of you two and put his arm around you, once more pulling you close against him. Your sides pressed together and you allowed yourself to rest your head against his shoulder.

“You can tell me as much or as little as you want, okay, my sweet boy?” he told you softly and kissed your temple shortly.

Nodding, you inhaled deeply and exhaled a shuddery breath. Then, you started to tell him everything that’s been going on lately and how much it all hurt. Sometime into your explanation the tears that have burned your eyes started to flow and run down your reddened face, leaving painful streaks behind. All the while, Roman was quietly shushing you and rubbing your upper arm soothingly, and peppering gentle kisses on the top of your head.

When you were done talking, you squeezed your eyes shut and pressed your entire body into Roman’s side in an attempt to both vanish and be close to him one last time, before he would leave you (at least that was what you’ve expected to happen anyway).

Instead, Roman wrapped his other arm around you as well and embraced you tightly, lovingly.

“I’m not going to leave you, baby. I’m not going anywhere. It angers me to know how much pain people have caused you in your life, especially as of late, but I won’t be one of them, alright?” he assured you and kissed your temple once more. “I love you, Y/N.”

Stopping to breathe altogether, you could barely believe what you’ve just heard.

Despite your disbelief, you choked out a quiet “I love you, too, Roman. So much”.

The issues that caused you so much pain in the first place may not have been solved with it, but you felt a little more secure in your relationship with Roman now, at least. That way, you could now quiet down these nagging thoughts in the back of your mind that kept telling you that he was going to drop you any second.

Sighing deeply, you relaxed a little and wrapped your arms around Roman’s middle as you pressed your face into his chest.

For the time being, you could pretend that everything was going to be alright.