#and the book being widely available is a good thing! this is what i've always wanted! ahahahahah.

[emailsfromanactor]

Oh hey, Letters from an Actor is getting a new edition! Both physically and digitally! With a foreword by Sam Mendes and an afterword by Adam Redfield, William Redfield's son! It'll be out on March 5, at which point we'll be well into Emails from an Actor, so if you enjoy the emails, I encourage you to buy the book!

[bohoteacher]

Navigating Betrayal: Reconciling Admiration with Disillusionment

Like many Neil Gaiman fans this month, I've been shocked and distressed by the news regarding the SA allegations. I won't go over the details, as they're readily available online. I'll start by saying that I believe the accusers, and even the most lenient interpretation of events is still troubling enough to discredit Gaiman. For a long time, I didn't know what to say. I was just shocked and, somewhat naively, felt betrayed. I don't typically idolize actors, authors, or other public figures—I'm here for the characters, they're who I love and believe in. So, how did I end up believing in this man and his rhetoric?

I only had a parasocial relationship with him, which is to say no real relationship at all. But I took his Masterclass on writing, spent hours taking notes, and learned from him. I feel betrayed by someone I saw as a beloved teacher. I know this is insignificant compared to what the women who came forward experienced, but it's a valid feeling, and I needed time to process it. My initial reaction was to throw out and discount everything he’s ever written or done—of course it was.

This isn't just about my love for Good Omens, although how can it not be? I learned so much from this man—about writing, about not being too hard on myself, about the creative process. I read his books to my middle school classes, and we all learned how to be better people from them. Today, I saw and bought Instructions, a children’s book by Neil Gaiman illustrated by Charles Vess, from the used bookstore where I volunteer. It was a used copy, so no royalties will go to him. It’s a beautifully illustrated book where the main character walks through a land that clearly symbolizes life, learning lessons like saying please and "if any creature cries to you that it hurts, if you can, ease its pain." How could someone write this and then do what he did? I asked myself. "What an evil hypocrite," was my first thought. But then I recalled a line from another author, Stephen King. In The Stand, a character is described as "awake at the lectern, but asleep at the switch," meaning they know the right thing to do and can talk about it, but in the moment of choice, they act without integrity.

I don’t know if I’m making sense, but I think it’s too easy to label Gaiman as simply evil, as if he intentionally manipulated us by saying the right things just to make us read or watch his creations. The reality is likely far more complicated. Within this man is the amazing, thought-provoking, life-affirming wisdom that many of us have tried to live by, but also the hard, thoughtless, selfish cruelty that led him to abuse young, vulnerable women. The wisdom does not justify the abuse, and the abuse does not nullify the wisdom.

I think it's too simplistic to say Gaiman is despicable and always has been, hiding it from us all along. This doesn't acknowledge the complexity of human nature—that there is potential for both good and bad within us all. As it’s said, possibly by Terry Pratchett or possibly by Neil Gaiman, “It may help to understand human affairs to be clear that most of the great triumphs and tragedies of history are caused, not by people being fundamentally good or fundamentally bad, but by people being fundamentally people.”

Gaiman is a man who has done some fundamentally good things and some fundamentally bad things. I can’t forget either one.

This is just my opinion. I know some people want to cancel him, while others want to exonerate him. You do you. As for me, I will continue to love Aziraphale and Crowley. I will continue to read and create fan-fiction. I will continue to find comfort and wisdom in books that have meant so much to me over the years. But I will also remember that they were created by a very flawed man whom I can no longer trust.

I understand that opinions on this matter vary widely. I know some people might feel that not discarding everything associated with him is wrong, but this is where I stand. I’m not looking to debate this or be told how I should react. I just needed to process my thoughts in writing and move forward in the way that feels right for me.

[3liza]

thank you for speaking rational thought AS AN ARTIST into the ai debate. i get so tired of people over simplifying, generalizing, and parroting how they’ve been told ai works lmao. you’re an icon

some of the worst AI art alarmists are professional artists as well but theyre in very specific fields with very specific work cultures and it would take a long and boring post to explain all the nuance there but i went to the same extremely tiny, hypefocused classic atelier school in San Francisco as Karla Ortiz and am actually acquainted with her irl so i have a different perspective on this particular issue and the people involved than the average fan artist on tumblr. the latter person is also perfectly valid and so is their work, all im saying is that we have different life experiences and my particular one has accidentally placed me in a weird and relevant position to observe what the AI art panic is actually about.

first thing i did when the pearl-clutching about AI art started is go on the Midjourney discord, which is completely public and free, and spent a few burner accounts using free credits to play with the toolset. everyone who has any kind of opinion about AI art should do the same because otherwise you just wont know what youre talking about. my BIGGEST takeaway is that it is currently and likely always will be (because of factors that are sort of hard to explain) extremely difficult to make an AI like Midjourney spit out precisely wht you want UNLESS what you want is the exact kind of hyperreal, hyperpretty Artstation Front Page 4k HDR etc etc style pictures that, coincidentally, artists like Karla Ortiz have devoted their careers to. Midjourney could not, when asked, make a decent Problem Glyph. or even anything approaching one. and probably never will, because there isn't any profit incentive for it to do so and probably not enough images to train a dataset anyway.

the labor issues with AI are real, but they are the result of the managerial class using AI's existence as an excuse to reduce compensation for labor. this happens at every single technological sea change and is unstoppable, and the technology itself is always blamed because that is beneficial to the capitalists who are actually causing the labor crisis each time. if you talk to the artists who are ACTUALLY already being affected, they will tell you what's happening is managers are telling them to insert AI into workflows in ways that make no sense, and that management have fully started an industry-wide to "pivot" to AI production in ways that aren't going to work but WILL result in mass loss of jobs and productivty and introduce a lot of problems which people will then be hired to try to fix, but at greatly-reduced salaries. every script written and every picture generated by an AI, without human intervention/editing/cleanup, is mostly unusable for anything except a few very specific use cases that are very tolerant of generality. i'm seeing it being used for shovelware banner ads, for example, as well as for game assets like "i need some spooky paintings for the wall of a house environment" or "i need some nonspecific movie posters for a character's room" that indie game devs are making really good use of, people who can neither afford to hire an artist to make those assets and cant do them themselves, and if the ai art assets weren't available then that person would just not have those assets in the game at all. i've seen AI art in that context that works great for that purpose and isn't committing any labor crimes.

it is also being used for book covers by large publishing houses already, and it looks bad and resulted directly in the loss of a human job. it is both things. you can also pay your contractor for half as many man hours because he has a nailgun instead of just hammers. you can pay a huge pile of money to someone for an oil portrait or you can take a selfie with your phone. there arent that many oil painters around anymore.

but this is being ignored by people like the guy who just replied and yelled at me for the post they imagined that i wrote defending the impending robot war, who is just feeling very hysterical about existential threat and isn't going to read any posts or actually do any research about it. which is understandable but supremely unhelpful, primarily to themselves but also to me and every other fellow artist who has to pay rent.

one aspect of this that is both unequivocally True AND very mean to point out is that the madder an artist is about AI art, the more their work will resemble the pretty, heavily commercialized stuff the AIs are focused on imitating. the aforementioned Artstation frontpage. this is self-feeding loop of popular work is replicated by human artists because it sells and gets clicks, audience is sensitized to those precise aesthetics by constant exposure and demands more, AI trains on those pictures more than any others because there are more of those pictures and more URLs pointing back to those pictures and the AI learns to expect those shapes and colors and forms more often, mathematically, in its prediction models. i feel bad for these people having their style ganked by robots and they will not be the only victims but it is also true, and has always been true, that the ONLY way to avoid increasing competition in a creative field is to make yourself so difficult to imitate that no one can actually do it. you make a deal with the devil when you focus exclusively on market pleasing skills instead of taking the massive pay cut that comes with being more of a weirdo. theres no right answer to this, nor is either kind of artist better, more ideologically pure, or more talented. my parents wanted me to make safe, marketable, hotel lobby art and never go hungry, but im an idiot. no one could have predicted that my distaste for "hyperreal 4k f cup orc warrior waifu concept art depth of field bokeh national geographic award winning hd beautiful colorful" pictures would suddenly put me in a less precarious position than people who actually work for AAA studios filling beautiful concept art books with the same. i just went to a concept art school full of those people and interned at a AAA studio and spent years in AAA game journalism and decided i would rather rip ass so hard i exploded than try to compete in such an industry.

which brings me to what art AIs are actually "doing"--i'm going to be simple in a way that makes computer experts annoyed here, but to be descriptive about it, they are not "remixing" existing art or "copying" it or carrying around databases of your work and collaging it--they are using mathematical formulae to determine what is most likely to show up in pictures described by certain prompts and then manifesting that visually, based on what they have already seen. they work with the exact same very basic actions as a human observing a bunch of drawings and then trying out their own. this is why they have so much trouble with fingers, it's for the same reason children's drawings also often have more than 5 fingers: because once you start drawing fingers its hard to stop. this is because all fingers are mathematically likely to have another finger next to them. in fact most fingers have another finger on each side. Pinkies Georg, who lives on the end of your limb and only has one neighbor, is an outlier and Midjourney thinks he should not have been counted.

in fact a lot of the current failings by AI models in both visual art and writing are comparable to the behavior of human children in ways i find amusing. human children will also make up stories when asked questions, just to please the adult who asked. a robot is not a child and it does not have actual intentions, feelings or "thoughts" and im not saying they do. its just funny that an AI will make up a story to "Get out of trouble" the same way a 4 year old tends to. its funny that their anatomical errors are the same as the ones in a kindergarten classroom gallery wall. they are not people and should not be personified or thought of as sapient or having agency or intent, they do not.

anyway. TLDR when photography was invented it became MUCH cheaper and MUCH faster to get someone to take your portrait, and this resulted in various things happening that would appear foolish to be mad about in this year of our lord 2023 AD. and yet here we are. if it were me and it was about 1830 and i had spent 30 years learning to paint, i would probably start figuring out how to make wet plate process daguerreotypes too. because i live on earth in a technological capitalist society and there's nothing i can do about it and i like eating food indoors and if i im smart enough to learn how to oil paint i can certainly point a camera at someone for 5 minutes and then bathe the resulting exposure in mercury vapor. i know how to do multiple things at once. but thats me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[dduane]

this maybe embarrassing to admit, but i never heard of you as a writer or heard of your books. this is weird considering how many books i read in the same genre, i should have came across to them at some point. anyways, i just wanted to say that i found this account with the assumption of you being just a tumblr person and have never been dissapointed. it is such a cozy place, your reblogs are always enjoyable, almost everytime i see your name in my dashboard i smile.

love, someone who is going to check out young wizards now

Hi there!

First of all: last I heard, never having heard of me isn't a hanging offense anywhere. :) I'm a career midlist genre writer who's changed publishers often enough, over enough time, that achieving a sufficiently high profile to be widely heard of these days would be a challenge. So I concentrate on working, and let fame (and her pursuit) go their own way.

I've been a Tumblr person since 2008, and have enjoyed it more every year. It's a good place to talk about writing, and art, and all kinds of other things; and a good place to meet people, however virtually. It's also a good place to play... which is mostly what I do here, one way or another. So if you enjoy the tone of my blog, I'm delighted.

And as for the Young Wizards books: I hope you enjoy them! Some general info about the series is over here, if your curiosity's also general.

If you don't mind ebooks, you might like to investigate the revised New Millennium editions of the first nine books of the series, which are only available over at the Ebooks Direct store. (The first nine are all available together in a discounted package here.)

Meanwhile, do stick around! I'll keep the cozy in place for you. :)

[bangrychannie]

Stray Kids Fic Recs

Hello! Recently I have become a stray kids fan and have fallen into a rabbit hole of fanfiction. Various pairings bc I don't care what the pair is just that it's stray kids related lmao. Added a line break bc there's a lot. Also feel free to rec me skz fics please bc I'm always reading

the book of us; electricity: (Seungjin | 10/10 | 84,966 | teen and up)

HJ @hyunfortunately 5h ;-; i was at the store and this song was playing over the speakers and i tried to remember some lyrics so i could search it up later but i can’t find it this is TRAGIC HJ @hyunfortunately 5h it was in korean and it’s kind of got rock-pop-balladish vibes and the first line of it was “neoneun neo neoneun na” if anyone knows it PLEASE tell me Seungmin doesn’t like to interact with other people on Twitter, but the questions seems almost aimed to him. He hits reply and types, “Try Hi Hello by Day6.” [Seungmin falls for Hyunjin from 2000 miles away. He expected that it would be inconvenient. He didn't expect quite how much Hyunjin would change his life.]

Genuinely one of the best fics I've ever read. It reads like a love letter to high school in the best way possible.

so this is what love is by dwaekinz: (Seungjin | 4/4 | 43,743 | teen and up)

seungmong_22 Hi, Hyunjin! My name is Seungmin. I'm Felix's friend, I hope he's mentioned me before…? Ha. We met online two years ago. I know it's unexpected But I kind of need your help hyuntothejin Me??? After 2 years of online friendship, Seungmin has finally found the time and saved up enough money to visit Felix for his birthday. In order for the surprise to work, he recruits the help of Felix's brother, Hyunjin, and together they spend the next three months forging a plan as well as a friendship of their own— or maybe something more.

So cute and fluffy no notes

Endgame by Raesan (Minsung | 9/9 | 150,840 | Explicit)

Jisung didn’t mean to procrastinate, but he didn’t think that all the clubs would be full in just a week. He sighed, seeing that only one club still had availability. Too bad he didn’t know shit about chess. Or what happens when Jisung, captain of the college soccer team, meets Minho, the number 2 ranked chess player in the country.

This fic is genuinely SO GOOD lol I think about it every day

reply hazy, try again by mrehk (BinChan | 1/1 | 14,951 | Explicit)

Changbin’s calculus tutor is Bang Chan. Smile wide, eyes shining, curly hair wild around his head. He’s got his backpack slung over one arm, those fuck ass chino shorts with a five inch inseam that make Changbin’s mouth water— and, goddamn, he’s wearing a fucking cropped t-shirt. Jisung and Seungmin are going to string Changbin up and have their way with public humiliation when they hear about this. (OR: solving for the derivative of l+o+v+e)

Funny and cute, I love idiots in love and that's what this is

Also mrehk is a fantastic writer so if you like this fic there's way more where that came from

i will protect you (gothic font) by mrehk (Minsung | 1/1 | 16,661 | Explicit)

Seungmin ignores him, smacking the folder onto the desk, flipping it open without looking, sliding it across the surface towards Minho. “It doesn’t matter. This was in the lease. You signed, right—” he taps the bottom corner, Minho’s initials perfectly legible. “Here.” “Excuse me?” Minho leans forward. “Paragraph nineteen subsection C,” Seungmin says, not even looking down as he recites the document word for word. “Lease is not voidable in the case of suspected paranormal activity.” He pounds his finger on the period. Minho laughs. A short, barked thing, completely disbelieving. “You’re kidding me.” “I’m really not,” Seungmin’s face pinches up into the sort of fake, squinted smile someone gives when they’re being an asshole. No remorse. (OR: Minho has ghosts, Jisung hunts ghosts)

Another funny one by mrehk my beloved

one day to fall in love (countless ones to love you) by whatifidbeenthatauthor (Minsung | 1/1 | 22,018 | Mature)

Minho stopped in his tracks. He turned to face Han Jisung. He looked unbothered, still going on about his way. “You didn’t say Hi,” Minho said, forcing the voice to come out of his throat. “You always say hi, hyung.” Jisung turned to look at him, a smile playing on his lips. He looked amused. Minho’s mind wasn’t keeping up. “Today’s different, I guess,” Jisung shrugged. “I went with a variation.” Minho would have found him insufferable, but he didn’t have the mental capacity to process the frustrating sensation that usually accompanied Jisung’s presence. Minho blurted out something that might have him sent to a madhouse. “No. I’ve lived today six times. You- you always say hi, hyung.” He felt crazy. More than usual. Jisung laughed. “What the fuck,” he said, and Minho knew he sounded insane, but could this kid please not be so arrogant? “Me, too. I thought I was the only one,” he continued, and he changed Minho’s life. *** Minho's life is boring, predictable, borderline uneventful. Until he gets stuck in a time loop. And, with him, his friends' friend, Han Jisung, a crazy dude who's only into skating. And whom Minho doesn't necessarily like.

I love time loop/time travel fics if anyone wants a list of specifically those lmk lmao

(never) have your fill of me by lolainslackss (Minsung | 3/3 | 36,028 | Explicit)

“How often can he possibly be having sex that it’s disturbing you this much?” Hyunjin asks, disbelieving. “He has sex, like, every day. And then again at night, sometimes.” Jisung makes a noise of distress. He drags his hands down his face before balling them into fists beneath his chin. “It’s just . . . so distracting, Hyunjin.” “Distracting,” Hyunjin repeats, giving Jisung a meaningful smirk. “Oh, I bet it is.” “Aw,” Jisung whines. “Why’d you have to say it like that?” “Like what?” “Like you think I wish I were the one he were fucking, instead.” “Because you do, don’t you, or are we pretending we both don’t know that?” Hyunjin’s gaze flits over to Minho before it swiftly cuts back to Jisung, all-knowing. “You’d let him do anything to you. Am I wrong?” - In which PhD student Han Jisung unleashes a succubus from a magical book, winds up living with him, and then forms a sex pact with him.

I also have a lot of demon fic recs so lmk

36 Questions That May Lead to Love by bluecalicocat (Minsung | 1/1 | 17,282 | Teen and Up)

generic username @realhanjisung yo my friend wants to be a therapist, can someone pls fake date me so he can practice counseling couples? i have 3 cats @leeknow deal

This fic is so funny

Searching for My Heart in Yours by lk321 (minsung | 5/5 | 36,995 | General)

When Jisung moves to Miroh, a town in the middle of nowhere, all he’s looking for is some peace and quiet. Instead, what he finds is a prickly witch for a neighbor by the name of Minho, who accidentally spills a potion on Jisung and forms a psychic bond between them, opening Jisung to whole new world of magic. As Minho tries to find a cure for their predicament, Jisung finds himself pulled into Minho's lively and magical life. It's not the peace and quiet Jisung was looking for, but as Jisung gets to know the witch through the emotions they're forced to share, Jisung realizes that the answers he’s searching for in life might just lie here in Miroh, in places he least expects.

Feels like a warm hug

the long game by floraii (HyunSung | 1/1 | 16,045 | Teen and Up)

“Anyway,” he continues, voice still sultry, “I’ve been seeing you in class, and I was just wondering—” he moves his hand to curl around a strand of his hair. “Could I get your number?” Han Jisung’s big brown eyes blink again. His gaze darts to his lips, then to his notebook, then up to his eyes. “To study?” “Yeah,” Hyunjin blurts without thinking. What the fuck? Study? What is happening? Why is he agreeing?

Hyunjin has a type. It’s not usually shy boys in his Intro to Statistics class with big round eyes and glasses, but Han Jisung is different.

This fic was so funny I was actually laughing out loud

I have plenty more where that came from! So there will be more recs soon

[l1ttlelucy]

Lucemond high-school au!

Lucerys has always been pretty, and it shows with his popularity. Unfortunately, along with popularity comes love confessions, which Lucerys rejected quite regularly.

Aemond Targaryen– one of the 'nerds' of the school, short in stature as well as glasses (only 1 side had a lense, supposedly the other eye is fake) and only known throughout the school due to his older brother, Aegon Targaryen who throws some of the best parties, chooses the last day of this school year to ask Lucerys out.

Lucerys lets him down softly, apologizing as he's not looking to be in a relationship right now.

Aemond Targaryen seems dejected, but Lucerys is surprised when the boy puffs his chest and nods, confidentially saying

"Then I'll wait!"

And Lucerys heart coo's at the cute sight. It's highly unlikely that he'd date Aemond Targaryen (He wants to be held down and railed, okay 🙄) but Lucerys had to admit, the boy was adorable.

So he ruffles the white locks teasingly and agrees, not having the heart to let the boy down once again.

Summer break comes and goes, and Lucerys walks in with his curls longer than the previous year, a bright smile on his face, and ready to face another school year.

He stands at his locker, messing around before Rhaena knocks into the locker next to his, gasping for air and eyes wide, face flushed from exertion and something else.

"Holy shit, I just saw the hottest dude."

Lucerys huffs, rolls his eyes, and closes the locker, turning to face Rhaena head-on with a raised eyebrow.

"Why hello Rhaena. It's so nice to see you Rhaena. How was my break? It was refreshing, and much needed. Yours? Good? Great." Lucerys huffed, deadpanned as Rhaena's blush darkened, swatting at his arm.

"Sorry sorry, yes my break was good. Grandfather misses you, by the way."

He and Rhaena were cousins, her mother and his father were siblings. They'd grown up together, before the divorce of their parents split them up.

Lucerys smiled softly, he'd been meaning to visit Corlys, but the man was nearly always out at sea, whether that be on business or on his yacht, their availability never matched, and it had been many months since he'd seen his grandfather.

"Well, if you happen to see him again before me, be sure to tell him I miss him too."

Rhaena gave a nod, before returning to the main reason she had sprinted here.

"Okay, so, I was walking around showing a new kid to the office, poor thing got lost. On the way back, I heard a little commotion and when I looked over, I saw the Baratheon girls giggling and pointing at something. You know me and my curiosity, I had to investigate!"

Lucerys can agree. Rhaena had always been a curious thing, to the point Lucerys could never hide anything from her as she would figure it out somehow.

It helped with others, always being one of the first to know about rumors or secrets many hid.

"I walk over and, low and behold, the most gorgeous sight I've ever laid my eyes on. Some guy– he must be at least 6'2, he was huge. Jacked. Like pick me up with one arm and throw me over his shoulders jacked. I couldn't see much, as he had his back to me. But I didn't need much. Long white hair? Leather jacket over those broad shoulders? I was on the floor. A puddle. I was gonna die Luce, I was ready to risk it all right then and there!!"

The girl babbled, and Lucerys blinked, unsurprised. Rhaena always had a thing for guys that could throw her without even blinking (not that Lucerys didn't, but he was more silent on it).

"Well? Why didn't you? Nothing ever stopped you from admitting your attraction before."

Rhaena, many times before, had gone up to those she found attractive and admitted it to their face. If they rejected her, she'd shrug it off, an attempt was an attempt. And if they returned said feelings, then it was a win in her book.

"You see, I was. But Casandra beat me to it! She'd walked right up, confessed. And guess what he said!!!"

Rhaena's voice had raised considerably, heads turned in their direction but she paid them no attention.

Lucerys sent them apologetic glances.

"Apologies. But I am already taken."

Rhaena had deepened her voice considerably, a bad mock imitation of the stranger. She'd even raised her arms and puffed her chest to make her seem bigger. Lucerys slapped a hand over his mouth to muffle the laugh. She grinned goofly at him.

"Anyways. I'm not that desperate to steal a taken man. I am fine with standing back and ogling from afar." She sighed, shaking her head in fake dejection before raising it once again, grin slipping back onto her face.

Said grin soon dropped quickly as Rhaena's jaw dropped. Her eyes widened, blinking rapidly as her gaze flickered behind him. She looked like a fish out of water.

Curious, he turned around and came face to –chest? (It was a nice chest too, Lucerys resisted the urge to bury his face in it). He was stunned for a few moments, staring blankly before his eyes rose to meet lips pursed into a smirk, a single eye staring down in a way that dragged shivers along his spine.

This must have been the mysterious man.

Rhaena had not been wrong.

This man was one of the hottest people Lucerys had ever seen. Long, white locks were pulled back so half was tied into a bun, whilst the lower half was let free, cascading and framing sharp cheekbones and dropped over thick, broad shoulders.

An eyepatch was pressed over the left eye, while the right dragged itself down and back up Lucerys body as though he were an art piece framed in a museum. Lucerys felt like prey standing before a predator.

"Hi." Lucerys uttered, voice coming out high pitched and embarrassing.

Lucerys already wanted to bury himself in a hole.

"Hello." The taller man mused, and Lucerys too was ready to risk it all right then and there. The voice was not too deep, but deeper than his own and silky. In a way that made Lucerys wish to drop to his knees and pray (amongst other things).

"Lucerys!" He squeaked out, flushed and holding a hand out. The taller male looked surprised before it slid into amusement as he grasped Lucerys hand in his own– Lucerys nearly tumbled to the floor. The mysterious man's hand dwarfed his own, large and rough and Lucerys was going to see God. He would not survive this encounter. He felt like goo as he watched their size difference.

Lucerys had not ever been one to lose his composure so easily, especially for another. But something about this man ruined Lucerys for any other.

And then– unfortunately for both Lucerys heart and little friend– the stranger raised Lucerys hand and pressed a gentle kiss to his hand as though he were a maiden.

Had Rhaena not informed him that the man was taken, Lucerys would have jumped his bones right then and there.

A throat cleared itself behind him, and both Lucerys and the stranger turned to see Rhaena giving them a look. Lucerys blushed.

"I guess... I'll leave you both to it!"

And she scurried away like the traitor she was. He sighed internally, before his attention was brought back to the other male.

"It is great to see you again, Lucerys."

And all simping was paused, as Lucerys brows furrowed in confusion. Again? He was sure he would remember someone who looked like the gods had spent extra time crafting. He squinted as he once again took in the appearance of the other.

The only familiarity was the straight white hair, most commonly belonging to the Targaryens. Yet, the only ones he knew of were Aegon, Helaena, and Aemond. This man was most definitely none of them.

His confusion must have shown on his face as the taller laughed, husky and Lucerys gut heated up at the sound.

"Well, I guess I do look different from the last time we saw another. I cannot shame you for the confusion. Perhaps.. this shall remind you."

And the man stepped closer, fingers brushing along Lucerys cheek before dipping to grasp his chin, raising and tilting Lucerys head the slightest so the man could lean down, lips brushing against Lucerys ear.

"The last we spoke, I confessed my affection for you. It was unfortunate they were not shared, but I was not deterred. I was and still am willing to wait. So now I ask you, shall you make me wait longer?"

And Lucerys inhaled harshly, having not noticed he'd stopped breathing at their proximity and during the man– no, Aemonds words. Small, little Aemond who had doubled in both stature and build.

"A-Aemond?" And though he knew it was him– there was no other explanation. The only man who had said such a thing was the sweet little boy Lucerys had rejected. Lucerys just could not comprehend how the other man had grown so much, in such a little amount of time.

Lucerys could feel the way Aemonds lips quirked up against his ear, breath hot and ruffling his curls before Aemond leant back, eye eating Lucerys up.

"Good boy."

I love the thought that earlier that morning, Aemomd had stood before his mirror and spent hours on his appearance. Aegon definitely laid across the man's bed, exhausted as he was forced to wake up to give tips and recommendations to the outfit.

"With or without the eyepatch?" Aegon groans in reply.

[sinclair-wax-fan]

I’m thinking about how neither Bo nor Vincent is “the older twin”—because they would have been born via c-section.

I’m also thinking about what it must have been like to be Trudy—almost certainly doing a home birth and possibly not knowing she was having twins.

(The newspapers on the wall of the Wax Museum say “expecting first child” not children--despite Trudy being *heavily* pregnant in the photo.)

From what I can tell just from a quick google, ultrasound machines would have been pretty new technology in the early 1970’s and not widely available—certainly not available to a single doctor working independently of a hospital.

And if Victor was fool enough to preform the twins separation surgery himself, I have no doubt he was handling his wife’s pregnancy all on his lonesome. I think he did her c-section himself in the small operating room we see in the movie, although he must have had an anesthesiologist he regularly worked with on call--there's here’s no way he could have administered anesthetic and preformed the c-section at the same time.

I imagine they were originally planning your traditional "at home birth" when things went south. The anesthesiologist was originally only planning to administer an epidural, which were just gaining popularity at the time--so when Trudy began to crash badly enough, it must have been either "we operate now or risk losing her on the long drive to the hospital." Since c-sections were only used in like 10% of pregnancies at this time, with Trudy being in bad shape mentally and physically during the birth, and there only being two medical personnel on hand--I imagine they had to put Trudy all the way under for the c-section.

(I imagine typically only small surgeries that could be done under local anesthetic were preformed in Victor's office--always with a booked appointment—but they did keep the materials for general anesthetic on hand for emergency situations.)

I know Victor’s status as licensed doctor is circumspect due to Bo’s creative story telling. I think there's a kernal of truth in history but it's been hammed up because Bo is dramatique.

I've been playing with the idea of Trudy and Victor originally starting in the north, with Victor being from a wealthy family in New York state. He did loose his license—for preforming abortions under the table for women from other wealthy families. (And also at least one for his wife.) Being wealthy, he was able to avoid jail time—and when abortion was decriminalized in 1970 in New York State, he had enough influence to get his license restored and his record expunged.

Unfortunately, his reputation was in tatters. I image that his family was catholic and—while Victor wasn’t practicing—his parents were prominent members of their church. He had embarrassed them greatly, and his marriage to a poor uncouth midwestern Protestant woman (despite her converting in an effort to win their approval) know for being something of a bohemian didn’t help matters.

So, when Victor heard through the grape vine that the son of a friend of a friend was starting a new business venture in Louisiana—a sugar mill with an accompany town for the workers--and they were looking for a company doctor, well, who doesn’t like a new beginning?

So, by the time he got down to Ambrose he was fully licensed, operating a sort of dual "company doctor/private practice" roll in Ambrose, and was granted the ability to admit patients to the closest emergency hospital in Baton Rouge.

So the twins were born in their home--but pretty much immediately rushed to the hospital (along side Trudy) post birth.

It was several weeks of observation in the hospital for the twins. It ended with Victor insisting on being allowed to preform the twins' separation. He refused to give consent to allow any other surgeon to operate on them and convinced Trudy "no one else will do as good as job as I will because I'm their father."

But really it was just professional pride.

Still, Victor was good at his job and the twins were successfully separated.

Unfortunately, he was not nearly as competent a father as he was a surgeon.

[honeyhotteoks]

hii!! ive gotta say i really adore how you write the boys; and on top of that too your characterizations are super consistent!! im like maybe a little jealous 😳

do you by chance have any notes or tips on writing their personalities and quirks that you could share? would love to pick your brain if you're comfortable with it :>

hi!! thank you so much 💞

absolutely and i love talking about the writing process so i'm happy to do that!

specifically for ateez this one was interesting. before them i never wrote rpf, and honestly i found it kind of weird. i was used to writing fics for pairings from tv shows or books where i had a fairly limited lens into a character, but then i felt more creative license to stretch things.

with ateez and rpf that was a totally different feeling and even though this is fic.... i kind of always feel this pressure to make it feel real. this is why you'll consistently see mannerisms for each of the boys across all of my fics, whether it's an AU or not, and also why you'll never see me write something like..... cheating or straight up noncon..... like i just don't see it in them and couldn't make it believable.

so given that... when i started getting into ateez i had four years of content available to me to essentially download into my brain. i watched TONS of old content, v-lives, i read their universe messages, etc. and while that was part of just being an atiny it was also research. before i really got into writing aurora i wrote out detailed headcanons for each of them that included sfw and nsfw details. a lot of that included their mannerisms that i would kind of file away when watching lives. i also pay close attention to their vlogs, their photos of what they wear in their off-time etc. so that when i write them, it feels more grounded.

for example, mingi has a habit of silently laughing with his mouth open SO wide and his head back, if i describe him laughing it will often be like that or i will have that image in my mind to inform how i'm going to describe him laughing in a scene. i won't just say "mingi chuckled" because it's another word for laughing, i'll describe his body and how he laughs because that's who he is.

i would say there are members i feel more comfortable in writing than others. yunho is my bias, but also the member i feel the most connected to when writing so he comes more easily. wooyoung, mingi, and san are up there too with members i feel like i don't have to work at. seonghwa is so flexible because he's such a good actor that i think i can mold him more and have it feel real, but i still have a good idea of who he is. yeosang, hongjoong, and jongho i feel less connected to in this way and i've had to work more at to feel like i'm writing them well.

my biggest tip though would be to watch lives and really get a sense for them talking. i pay attention to their cadence, how they sit/stand, where are their hands, what are their expressions doing, how do they look when they're happy/surprised/pissed/tired/etc. and then it helps me stretch from there. lives and logbooks and their vlogs are my biggest ally. the entire going home arc of aurora with yunho was informed from his vlog when he goes to his parents house. there are details in that chapter that are directly ripped from the vlog, so naturally it would feel more like him, it is him (or as close as we can get).

before writing to get in the headspace i'll usually watch a bit of a vlog or live for the member i'm writing about and that's really helped me get to know them and my own characters much better.

i hope this helps!! ask me anything else i'm an open book.

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

since i’m aroace-spec, i prioritize platonic relationships over other forms of relationships. it’s just my personal preference. but i hate that i’m also socially inept. it’s hard to make friends or keep them (either because we don’t match or it’s awkward, i don’t know where to find people at least a little similar to me). with that being said, i only have one friend. the “problem” is that they started dating someone recently and while i am happy for them, i know that they’ll mostly talk to their partner instead. it already shows to a degree. now i feel lonely. i hate when people toss everything and everyone else away for their partner. i feel selfish for feeling this way but, why do people toss away other bits of their lives for one person? can you not find a balance? then i hate that i have a hard time making/finding friends.

Yeah, these situations can definitely be difficult. Sometimes when people do start relationships they go through a honeymoon phase where they're very into the new relationship, but usually that does come down after a while. So it possible as your friend will eventually stop being quite so obsessed with their new relationship. In the meantime though it is OK to ask them to still talk about other things as well sometimes too, your own feelings and what's going in with you matter too.

It's never a bad idea to try and expand your social circle a bit. It does sound like you've already tried, and it didn't work out very well. It may help a bit to look at making friends/expanding your circle as a skill. This is something you can work on, and you if you look around you will find good advice. My big advice though would be instead of trying to make new individual friends, try and find a community.

Finding or joining a community is usually a little less pressure, they'll be people you have built-in things in common, and you can often find community-wide support/social activities. Personally I've found a lot of my longer laster/deeper friendships have been people I've originally been in a community with.

So do you have any interests or hobbies? Or anything you've been interested in getting into? If you live in a big enough centre, there may be a community around it. Maybe you like knitting, or want to join a book club, or a hiking club. Maybe there's a LGBTQIA+ chapter or ace meetup near you. Maybe there's a community theatre that's looking for volunteers. Maybe you've always wanted to learn another language and there's classes available you can check out. The more you find something you really care about, the more it will also make it easier to connect with other people in the group. And just try not to be afraid to put yourself out there a bit and talk to people.

These are just a few ideas, but anything you're interested in is good, and if one group doesn't fit right it's OK to move on to the next one. You can also check your local library to see if they have events/advertisements for community things. Some local papers also have a section for that type of thing.

Finding other people you can spend time with will both make you feel less lonely and help remove the pressure from your current friendship which will probably help that friendship be stronger in the long run.

All the best, Anon! Good luck!

[claredugmorewrites]

Sometimes a Break Really is as Good as a Holiday

Yes, I know we're already one month into the new year, but honestly, it's taken me that long to settle into 2024!

The holiday period was great - we visited family, ate lots of delicious food, and were all very happy with our gifts.

As the new year started, I began thinking about what's really important to me, and two things topped my list:

Health and Writing.

I won't go into too much detail here, but I have a handful of health issues that are causing me some problems, and I want to focus on getting the right help so I can continue growing into the best version of myself.

But along with these health issues comes the realization I can't do everything. I had to remove something from my life, and I found myself having to choose between going forward with my planned proofreading business or continuing to push my career as an author.

And well ... I can't just stop writing. That would be like asking someone to stop breathing. Thankfully, I may be able to get some financial support due to my health issues, meaning I can focus on my writing without having to take on extra work (like proofreading) to pay the bills.

So, with writing firmly in the forefront of my mind, I've decided to make some changes to what I'm doing with Ream and my stories.

First and foremost, for all you fans of WINGS, WITCHES AND WONDER, a brand new chapter will be coming this Friday - February 2, 2024. Here's a little sneak peek!

Read on ReamStories at www.reamstories.com/claredugmore

I have also made the decision to publish Wings 'wide' as it were, and have started adding chapters to Radish, Royal Road, Wattpad, FictionPress, and Inkitt.

However, if you're a paid subscriber on Ream, you will be five chapters ahead of what is available for free, and that's not all you're getting ...

My urban-fantasy novella SEEKING THE TRUTH will be available in weekly serial format for $5 a month, or if you'd prefer to read it all in one go, you can 'unlock' the whole novella for $10 a month.

But wait, there's more... Starting in February (probably around the 14th) I will be serializing my contemporary-romance ALL IT TAKES. Weekly chapters will be available to subscribers of the $5 tier or above, and as with Seeking the Truth, if you want to 'unlock' the whole story at once, you can do for $10 a month.

And I'm just getting started ... I will, of course, be completing Wings, Witches and Wonder and once that's finished I will begin work on book two in the Order of the Ancile Series, LICHES, LEGENDS AND LOVE, which will focus on the West Midlands Motherhouse, and feature a protagonist who is descended from beings of legend.

AND, hopefully, I will find time to work on some more contemporary-romance too. Fellow author Kyra Lennon and I are releasing a wrestling-based story later this year, and we want to build it into a shared universe that will not only include our co-written story, but ALL IT TAKES, Kyra's Game On Series (which you can read on ReamStories too!), and an age-gap, rockstar romance from me.

After that, who knows, but I have plenty of ideas I cannot wait to share with you all.

As my updated bio says, reading and writing has always been an escape for me, and I really hope my stories offer those of you out there in need of a little respite an escape too!

That's all I have for you this week. So, until Friday, take care and read on.

T.T.F.N!

[writingquestionsanswered]

It feels like I often see passionate people release a project they’ve been working on, only for it to turn out that their writing is terrible and nobody likes their work. I‘m afraid of not being able to objectively judge my writing (or creative work in geneural) and that it is terrible and I don’t realize it. How can I tell if I’m truly a bad writer? And how do I make sure I can get good? How do I overcome to fear of being bad and how can I get better unbiased reviews on my work?

Making Sure Your Writing is As Good as You Think

How to Improve Your Writing Skills

Let's start here. Something I think a lot of newer writers don't understand about good writing is that it takes time and practice. The first story you write... maybe even your tenth story... probably isn't going to be publishable no matter how hard you work on it. And I say "probably" because once in a blue moon someone writes a first story that's so good, they knock it out of the park, but that's extremely rare. When you see those passionate people whose stories are panned, it's almost always a situation where someone posted or published too soon. They shared their work before they've had time to hone their writing skills.

So, the big secret to improving your writing skills is to understand and accept that it's going to take time. You're going to write a lot of stories that you're passionate about, but those stories are probably not good enough to share widely--and that's okay. Most writers go through this, especially ones who are self-taught rather than learning through formal education or even writing workshops and courses.

Once you've accepted this, your goal is to just write. You need to build up a body of finished stories without worrying about sharing or publishing each one. If one strikes you as particularly good, earmark it for later, because you can always go back and revise it for wide sharing/publishing later on when you know you're ready.

Outside of writing and writing a lot, here are other things you can do to improve your writing skills:

Read. A LOT. Especially in the genres you write in.

Read books about writing.

Follow writing blogs/advice sites and writers on social media

Get an alpha reader or critique partner for early feedback

Get professional writing critiques

Take writing classes/workshops (some are free/available online)

Fill your creative well (Guide: Filling Your Creative Well)

How to Make Sure Your Writing is Good

You can't know if something is good if you know very little about it. For example, take me to a winery and give me several samples of red wine, then ask me which one is award-winning... I'm going to give you a blank stare. Sure, I've tasted red wine. I've even been to a few wineries. But I don't really know that much about wine. I don't know much about the different kinds, what makes them unique, the different flavor profiles, or what qualifies as good or bad. They're all just going to taste like wine to me.

If you're a newer writer who hasn't spent a lot of time writing and learning about writing, it's going to work the same way. You don't know enough about writing to determine whether or not something you've written is good or bad.

That's why it's absolutely essential to get unbiased feedback if you want to improve your writing and share it widely one day. Even with a story you don't plan on sharing/publishing, feedback is a critical part of learning what you did wrong and how to fix it.

Guide: Feedback Process 12 Sites for Sharing Original Fiction All About Beta Readers and Where to Find Them

How to Overcome Fear of Bad Writing

As your writing skills improve, so will the feedback you're getting, and so will your confidence in your writing skills. Until then, things may be a little shaky, but you just have to remember that when you're learning, it's okay to write bad stuff. If you've never picked up a paintbrush before, you wouldn't expect to sit down before a canvas and paint a breathtaking mountain scene. If you've never worked with clay before, you wouldn't sit down with a lump of clay for the first time and expect to sculpt the Statue of David. You have to be good with creating bad art before you can create good art. But the more bad art you create, the less bad it gets, and you will definitely see a difference between your early art and your later art. My Motivation master list of posts has a whole section on overcoming fears related to writing. ♥

I hope this helps!

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

Visit my FAQ

See my Master List of Top Posts

Go to ko-fi.com/wqa to buy me coffee or see my commissions!

[cinnamonest]

Daily Life - Yandere Childe, Zhongli, Xiao

A continuation of the earlier post about Kaeya and Diluc

Content Warnings: n/s/f//w mentions/themes/stuff (but not like, explicit detail), fem reader, normal yandere stuff

==================

Childe's a busy guy. He wakes you up every morning, usually pretty sweetly. He'll nuzzle up against your face, mumbling a "good morning" into your ear. He's sweet, but, you gotta get up when he tells you to. And you have to be the one to make food, he likes watching you walk around.

If he's gone, he is again one to give darling a surprising amount of freedom. He has the highest quality of security available and all, so he allows some roaming. That and, in a sorta terrifying thought, he's one hundred percent confident that even if you got away, he could find you, so he's not even too worried about escaping. He's so confident that you'll never truly escape him, which frankly is pretty intimidating for darling to realize. He'll get you things you like and stuff to do, stimulate your mind and all that, probably as time goes on will leave you chore lists and things you're required to do for him or else.

When he gets back, he's very tired usually, will expect you to make him food and be sweet and greet him at the door when he comes back, preferably on your knees. If you're not, he'll get irritated, especially if you're trying to hide. If you're just asleep or something, he might excuse it and find it cute. But he does a lot for you, you know, the least you can do is this one little thing. If he's had a particularly bad day, he'll be extra irritated, so it's wise to follow this command, and be ready to have all of his irritation taken out on you the moment he gets back. You're his favorite little stress ball to stuff and squeeze.

For days off, as I've said before he's one of the few that will willingly take you outside, and unlike Kaeya from the last routine post he's not in a bad mood about it either. He likes to show you off, likes walking in public holding hands or with his arm around you so that people can see, it gives him a sort of pride, and honestly he likes mimicking a "normal" relationship. But just know you're on a tight leash. Not literally of course... yet. He lays it out very clearly exactly how you are to behave when going outside, not speaking to others and not going out of his sight. Any attempts to make a scene, try to get a stranger to help etc will be dealt with fairly harshly. And don't think about pulling some covert, sneaky shit like trying to look at a stranger with the "help me" facial expression or trying to silently mouth something, slip a written message to a waitress etc -- he'll be watching you closely enough to pick up on any of that, and honestly that will set him off more than blatantly trying to make a scene. You will be immediately headed home to get an attitude adjustment since you can't behave.

Later on, he'll want you to accompany him to his work sometimes, on those days that whatever he has to do involved more sitting down than fighting - paperwork, important meetings, etc. He likes your presence, of course, you make the time pass more quickly. But really this is, more than anything, because he's an arrogant show-off. He'll give you something to fiddle with but will just sit you on his lap throughout the whole time, gently stroking your thigh or resting his head on your shoulder, making you wear embarrassingly revealing things and making sure everyone sees, be it the entire group in a wide meeting hall or some subordinate come to have a one-on-one talk, or even his superiors, thanking them for them letting him bring his pet to work. It even allows him to get in some good de-stressing during the middle of the day when no one else is around. Expect lots of bring-your-fucktoy-to-work days like that.

Of course, not every day is spent out, though. He also has days he'd rather just stay at home. These days are usually after a long period of difficult work and late nights, so he's exhausted. Expect lots of naps, just cuddles and an arm wrapped around your waist (with a solid iron grip, of course). May or may not progress to slow cuddlefucking, who knows (yes it always does). He gets all whiny and demanding because he's soooo tired, so he'll make you get on top after a few rounds.

-------

Honestly we all envy my Zhongli's darling already, but God he's the best to wake up to. He just softly kisses the side of your face, running his hands down your sides. He can't let you sleep in too much, it's bad for your health! You can probably beg for a few minutes extra. And God, is it the best to wake up to. He's already got someone (probably one of the other adepti, a person, who knows) to make you food, and it's never skimping out either, it's always tons of food and your favorite things, too. Within limits, of course, can't have you eating nothing but things that are bad for you. He's also one that will get you tons of things to do throughout the day, virtually anything you ask for, he'll pay for (well... someone will, but you'll think he did, at least). He actually might also give you a list of very simple tasks to do, just to give you some motivation, since even if you have a lot to do, having no tasks and only play can get depressing without the sense of accomplishment. But he's much more lenient on your completion of all of them.

He's always reluctant to leave and gives you a lot of headpats and kisses before finally heading out for  the day, always taking time to contemplate whether or not he can just take the day off. During the day you'll stay in the confinements of your cage, be that an abode or a building somewhere, making sure you stand zero chance of ever getting out. If you force his hand (read: multiple escape attempts), he'll reluctantly have to limit your roaming abilities, but once you're confined to a smaller cage and have some privileges taken away, he's certain you'll be on your best behavior to get out again, and maybe be a little more grateful and understanding in the future. Once he gets back, it's generally a very nice time, he likes to lead a quiet life and will want to hear all about your day, what you did, see the progress on all those little projects you've been working on for art or music or whatever hobby you've taken up to pass the time. If he's had a bad day, he'll probably tell you about it, but you know, put it in terms simple enough for you to understand, since you wouldn't normally get such complicated matters.

On very very rare occasions, not nearly as often as Childe, he might take you to on his day with him, probably not during normal workdays, but for some kind of special day -- a large meeting, or the opposite, a day where he has nothing to do but slow paperwork alone in an office. The sunlight is good for you, and he'll bring stuff for you to do too. To be honest, it's not as obvious nor as obnoxiously vocal about it as Childe, but he also does enjoy having your presence in front of others, letting them see you. The things you'll have to wear aren't nearly as obscenely lewd as Childe's either, but they're not entirely wholesome either.

He really likes having off days. On those days, he'll probably want to take you somewhere, generally will do whatever you want to do. He's incredibly knowledgeable on everything in the area, and would probably also really like going out somewhere secluded in nature, rather than in the city, like a nice view from the nearby mountains or the like, and just spend a day there. It's nice, and far away from prying eyes that can't recognize your face off the missing person posters or witness the obscene things that may or may not take place up there.

 Spending time home is always nice too, though, just quietly going about the day and doing whatever you want, although inevitably taking breaks for much-needed... displays of physical affection. And he tries so hard to be gentle, but he also has a lot of stress pent up that may just come out and result in being a bit rougher than usual, but he's always apologetic afterward, making sure you're alright. He's also pretty strict about the time you go to bed. Making sure you get enough sleep and all that.

-------

Xiao's poor, poor darling. You always wake up to him shaking you awake. He's impatient. Once he feels you've had enough sleep, he'll get you up like that. Don't try to get more sleep-in time, he's not very gracious on that, will simply huff and yank you up. Otherwise, the mornings can be... Sweet. It's not like he's trying to be so cold all the time; if you're well behaved he can be pretty loving, even if he doesn't quite know how to be gentle. He just has... Low tolerance.

Xiao is very quiet for the most part, and the mornings have a sort of silent peacefulness provided it's one of your days that you don't choose to be difficult. He likes to watch you go about the morning. It's a little creepy to be honest? He just sits there nearby and watches you move around, make food, brush your hair or teeth or whatever. He'll eat whatever you make him, even if it's not one of his extremely limited liked items. He might complain, though.

During the times he IS gone, well, it's extremely boring for poor darling. Early on, or if you've done something to warrant it (read: literally the slightest word of disagreement, a tone of voice he doesn't like, even a facial expression he deems defiant) you'll be bound to the bed, hand and foot. Nothing to do whatsoever but stare at the ceiling. It's your own fault, if you were good maybe it wouldn't be like this, he says. When you are good, and have a nice long-time record of being extremely pleasant and sweet to him - and I mean a LONG time - he might - might - finally let you be unbound aside from a long anklet chain connecting you to the bed. Not like you have much else to do, though. Maybe he'll get you books if you ask nicely and grovel at his feet. But that's it. He doesn't like the thought of giving you too much entertainment. If being alone is mind-numbingly boring, well, you'll enjoy time with him that much more. Eventually you'll reach a point where you're begging him not to leave, he hopes, even if he would never admit to that. So what he'll do is balance it, give you just enough to keep your whining down, but keep making sure you're miserable when alone. He only allows you "activities" (read: a book) on certain days of the week, or every other day, every third day, something like that. And you can only get a new book once a month or so. And it's whatever he finds, not just what you want, so he'll start dropping you with encyclopedias and textbooks and other dull things. You can't complain, after all he IS giving you something to do. If you're gonna complain, well, how would you like to have the reading privilege revoked entirely? And that shuts you up. So, really, poor darling's days are very very bleak, dull, and empty, when alone.

He doesn't really have a "end of the day." His "job" is more or less a 24/7 thing, he goes when he's needed and when he's not needed he'll be with you. Usually it's a semi normal schedule but it can lead to odd intervals - you may have times he's gone for a full day or so, and then times where he's there for a whole day, etc. Spending time together is quiet, but he's surprisingly fond of physical affection. He spends a lot of time just... alone with his thoughts. Spacing out and thinking, looking up at the sky, except, well, now it's him, his thoughts, and you. You'll spend it with him too, iron grip locked around your waist so you can't pull away from his lap. He's also one to need to get out the... frustrations of life through physical activity at night.

Days he's there, again, it's pretty quiet, he's not much one for extensive conversation, of course. If you talk, he'll listen, but don't expect him to say much back. He likes the sound of your voice, one of the only people he doesn't prefer silence to, so long as you're not whining about wanting to leave. He doesn't really have a lot of sitting-down type of work to do, so if he's spending a whole day time with you, it means he's specifically worked it out so that he's able to do so for that purpose. He'll probably prompt you to speak, it's super awkward really. An awkward comment about this or that that he clearly wants you to start talking about, and he'll talk back just a little bit, with his own brand of harsh pessimism -- but that's just the only way he really knows how to communicate, he's not actually trying to shut you down when he responds to everything negatively. It's the most bizarre bonding time, but bonding nonetheless. He also likes to watch you do tasks -- to make food, even if it's just for yourself, to clean and walk around doing your little tasks. He may or may not eventually discover a fondness for forcing you to walk around naked, poor darling.

I've mentioned before that his drive is reactive - it gets heavier when he's with you. So really, your day will be filled with little fun intervals of very spontaneous fucking. Like, he has no sense of mood or timing. It's completely random, very forceful, will just loop his hands under your arms and scoop you up and carry you over to bed at any random moment, interrupting your speech even. Or, sometimes the bed is too far, and just bending you over is easier. And then, he'll just carry on like nothing happened.

He's not one to rant and rave about his day by default, and especially not early on. In the later stages, though, once he's comfortable with you, you might find him slipping out a frustration here or there, a passing comment about something upsetting that happened, and if you pry at it, he'll end up talking, much more than usual. He kind of doesn't even realize he's starting to ramble a bit, and if he catches himself he'll stop and mutter something about it being unimportant anyway.

Bonus little hc: He asks you how your day was. Every day that he's not with you. It's a routine - he started doing it because from his limited knowledge of human relationships, it's the "normal," so he tries to emulate what he feels like is normal in a relationship. It's kind of funny, well, not for poor darling, it feels mocking. Like, how do you think my day was, Xiao? All tied up and left only to stare at the ceiling? If you get all sarcastic with him like that, though, he might see it as grounds for punishment, so, be snarky at your own risk.

[aestheticallyholland]

NEVER NOT | AFTER YEARS . . .

❃ PAIRING tom holland x fem!reader

❃ DISCLAIMER i do not own the artists (and the reader) that are going to portray the characters, but i do own some of the their names. the plot of the story is inspired to the book and movie 'to all the boys i've loved before' but with changes. the gifs and photos used in this series are edited by me but i get credits to the originals. also, this series is first posted in wattpad by me. PLEASE DO NOT REPOST IT SOMEWHERE ELSE !

❃ WORD COUNT 2.8k words

❃ AUTHOR'S NOTES you have reached the final chapter of my tom holland series, never not! for those who have reached this part, i would like to say thank you so much for taking your time to read this cliche story that i wrote originally on wattpad, and hopefully, you enjoyed and loved it. thank you also for the constant reblogs and likes for each chapter in this series. i truly appreciate every reblog and like you gave. i also hope that you are satisfied with the ending of this series. with lots of love, lei <3

NEVER NOT MASTERPOST | LEI'S LIBRARY

"All love stories are tales of beginnings. When we talk about falling in love, we go to the beginning, to pinpoint the moment of freefall." - Meghan O'Rourke

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

"ONE MORE POSE FOR ME!"

Flash.

"And another one!"

Flash.

"Alright!" Y/N exclaimed and removed her Canon 90D DSLR camera from her right eye. "That's it for today, guys! Great job everyone!" shouted once more and looked at the photos that she took from the monitor of the computer.

She was doing a photoshoot for one of the famous magazine companies, The Hollywood Reporter. She was one of the photographers for the magazine company for almost a year already. She surely was so happy to receive a call way back a year ago before that she was hired. And, she surely was so happy to pursue what she dreamed of.

"Great shots, Y/N. Great as always." Someone said from behind her and Y/N could just smile at the compliment.

"Thank you, Millie." She said and looked at Camille. Camille became a fashion designer like how she always wanted to be. She worked alongside Y/N in several photoshoots just this year, coincidentally.

"Want to grab some coffee on the way home?" Camille asked as she prepared her purse and placed it on her shoulder.

"Sure," Y/N said and got the hard drive that was plugged into the computer since all of the photos were there. Not only was she a photographer but also one of the editors for the magazines. "But after that, I gotta go somewhere."

"Are you gonna go to that place again?" Camille asked and Y/N looked at her and nodded as an answer. They walked out together as they were the only people left there.

"I'll probably call Erika after you go. Just gonna remind her about the reunion that our family had planned for this weekend." Camille said while walking beside Y/N.

"But she'll probably be with Harrison right now," Y/N said.

"They're still together all these years? Never knew she was a relationship person honestly." Camille said.

"Me either. But, she's happy so I'm happy for her." Y/N said.

They entered the coffeehouse that was packed with busy people. The scent of coffee went to their noses as soon as they got in.

"I totally forgot that it's still Friday today," Camille said. "So many people."

They lined up in the long line since there was only one cashier available.

"By the way, have you seen the latest movie?" Camille asked Y/N and she gave a confused look.

"Which one?" Y/N asked back.

"I think it was the— erm— The latest Spiderman movie. I don't know the full title but I heard they just released a new one this month." Camille said. "Tom is in it right?"

Tom.

That name that Y/N will never forget.

Y/N smiled under her breath before answering her. "Yeah, I guess."

After that, they just waited for the line to be shorter and shorter until they were the next one to order. After they ordered, they stood in the corner waiting for their coffee to be made.

"One cappuccino and latte for Y/N!"

"I'll get it," Camille said and walked fast to get their orders. She mouthed thank you to the lady and went to Y/N's side again. "Here's your cappuccino," Camille said and handed Y/N her drink as they made their way out of the coffeehouse.

"So, I'll see you on Monday at work?" Camille asked.

"Always." That was what Y/N answered. "Take care!" She added before waving goodbye to Camille and went in the opposite direction as her with her drink in her hand.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Y/N parked her car on the side of the empty road. After how many months, almost a year, of driving lessons, she could finally drive for herself.

Before she got out, she got her drink and her other things first and removed her coat. She got out of the car with her things and shut the door and locked it.

The wind suddenly blew her hair and she smiled at this great feeling. As she walked towards the sand, she took off her shoes and placed them in the same spot that she would sit on. Luckily, no one was in the place other than herself.

The sun was almost setting and the waves were still moving in the ocean. She had come to this place almost every day or at least most of the time. The light of the sun reflected on the sun symbol on her bracelet that he gave her a few years back. She sighed at the thought of him.

She had lost contact with him just almost a year ago because of his busy schedule but Harrison would be the one to tell her how Tom was doing and all. Well, not really lost contact but they rarely contacted each other for the past few months due to their work.

Although those had happened, she never stopped going back to this place that Tom wanted her to always go. This was the place that kept her alive and stress-free.

Their relationship had its ups and downs.

Tom became one of the most famous celebrities in the world ever since he got the role of being Spiderman. After that, he had more upcoming movies for the past years later on.

Although there may have been rumors about him being in a relationship with one of his co-stars, Zendaya, because of their roles in Spider-Man, her trust for him remain. Although at some point, it hurt her but that just passed away.

Overall, she was happy for him and for what he has achieved. She was so proud of what he had become. It didn't stop her from visiting his family's house and spending time with them.

"I wish you were here right now." She whispered to herself as the wind could not stop making her hair fly.

"And I'm here." A voice said from a distance but loud enough for her to hear. Her eyes widen at this very familiar voice and her eyes began to water.

She slowly looked in the direction of the voice that she heard and there stood the person that she has been waiting for.

He gave her the same smile that she would never forget. He still looked the same as before but he was more muscular now. He looked better in person than on the big screen or in his interviews. His brown hair is now shorter but still had curls on.

"Tom?" She whispered and he could just easily read her lips calling his name. He opened his arms widely for her. She then ran up to his open arms and did not think twice about wrapping her arms around him. He spun her around as soon as he closed his arms around her.

Her tears fell from her eyes while hugging him. When Tom heard her sob, he placed a hand on her head and stroked her hair. "I'm home, love." He whispered to her.

She pulled away for a while and admired him. His face features, his hair. Everything about him. She suddenly pinched his cheeks with both of her hands that surprised Tom.

"Ow! What was that for?" He asked as he felt the slight pain from the pinch. His voice is deeper than before and his British accent is kind of mixed with an American accent.

"You are real," Y/N said that made Tom chuckle.

She was still as adorable as always. Tom thought

"Of course I am. You thought you're hallucinating?" Tom asked her and she nodded.

"It's been so long to finally see you personally," Y/N said and she slapped him on the chest. "You kept me waiting you know!"

"I'm sorry, love." Tom apologized and kissed her forehead. "Four years, huh?"

"And three months," Y/N added while looking at him and grinned.

"You have been counting," Tom said that made Y/N nod. "I missed you so much." He said and pulled her for a hug again. "God, I do miss you."

"I missed you too, Thomas." She replied and noticed the scrunchie that was on his wrist. The same scrunchie that she gave him before. "You kept it." She said and held to his wrist where the scrunchie was and smiled at him.

"Of course. It really reminded me of you." He answered.

They decided to sit down and talked about each other's new life. Tom was surprised about Y/N's career since he never thought she would be into photography like his brother, Harry.

"Your mom really influenced me to go to that," Y/N said. "That's why I'm so grateful for her."

"I had a photoshoot in that company actually," Tom said and that made her eyes widen. "Really?" She asked.

"Yeah, but that was like two thousand seventeen or something." He answered.

"Your American accent is really showing up," Y/N said and smiled at him.

"Well, most of my roles required this accent which I'm good at, surprisingly." He answered.

"How long have you been here already?" She asked him, curiously.

"Just today. I told my family first and Harrison that I was coming back for a week's vacation. And, I wanted to surprise you." He answered and placed his arms around her shoulders. She placed her head on his shoulder and gave a relieved sigh. Her happiness cannot be measured right now.

"You wanna go to the water?" Tom said and Y/N suddenly ran away from him and giggled.

"If you could catch me first!" Y/N said and ran which made Tom scoffed a laugh.

"I will!" Tom said and chased after her. After a few seconds of running, Tom was a few inches away from her and scooped her legs and carried her bridal style and he walked towards the water.

"No! Put me down! The water is gonna be so cold!" Y/N said but Tom ignored her and laughed. Then, Y/N wrapped her arms around his neck and forcefully pushed both of them down together to the water.

"Holy shit, the water is so cold," Y/N said as she raised her head up from the water as well as Tom. "Damn you, Holland!"

"You're gonna pay for that," Tom said and splashed her with water and Y/N did the same. Basically, the couple had a water fight. They kept laughing and splashing on the water to each other even as they stood up.

Tom then grabbed Y/N's arm and pulled her closer to him. They both wrapped their arms around each other and Y/N just gave a light laugh.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

"Do you have a towel in your car?" Tom asked as they got out of the water, their bodies and clothes soaking wet as they stayed there a while ago to watch the sunset.

"Yep. It's on the back. I came prepared." Y/N said as she gave Tom the keys and walked towards her car. Tom could just laugh.

Tom got the towel and wrapped it around Y/N's body and continued to hug her from behind. They decided to stay on the beach a little longer until they dried up. After a few minutes, they then went inside the car with Tom as a driver although Y/N insisted that she would drive.

They went directly to Y/N's apartment that she rented ever since she got her work. Tom parked in the basement of the building. As soon as they got out, Tom locked the cars and gave Y/N back her keys. They walked together and got to an elevator going to her apartment.

"How's your dad and Aria?" Tom asked as Y/N shoved the key on the doorknob.

"They are doing great actually," Y/N answered. "Aria got a job in New Zealand in tourism. And, will you believe that my dad actually got married a year ago?" Y/N said happily and opened the door.

"Really? I never heard of that." Tom said.

"Because we made it a private wedding so it's only our relatives and Mom Trina's family too," Y/N explained to Tom. "Mom Trina is an amazing woman and I'm glad they got to meet each other."

"Your mom will be happy that your dad is happy," Tom said and Y/N could only smile.

She placed her things down the counter table. "This is my home." She said to Tom who was looking everywhere in the apartment. "It's not that bad." He said.

"Yep. In my room, I get to see the city and the sunset and sunrise too." While Y/N was talking. Tom just kept staring at her, admiring her. He couldn't explain how happy he felt when he finally saw her again. He walked closer to her and wrapped his arms around her from behind. This startled Y/N a bit but she held his arms and leaned her back to his chest.

"How did I get so lucky to have you?" Tom whispered and moved her hair away and gave a peck on her neck.

"Destiny, I guess." She answered and turned around to face him. She saw him looked at her lips and decided to close the gap between them by pressing her lips to his. Tom responded to the kiss and pulled her closer to him. As soon as the kiss became heated, she jumped and wrapped her legs around Tom's waist and he was carrying her. He then walked towards her room and shut the room by kicking his foot at the door while kissing and carrying her.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

The ray of light hit Y/N's eyes as soon as she woke up. She felt strong arms around her bare waist and she smiled. She yawned and stretched her legs before she tried to move Tom's arm around her. She could still hear his soft snores beside her. His curls are really showing off when his head was on the pillow. She tried to get up but was stopped when she felt a hand grabbing her wrist and pulling her back to the bed. Strong arms wrapped around her again but this time tighter.

"Tom!" She exclaimed.

"Don't leave me here," Tom mumbled while his eyes were still closed and snuggled his head to her neck which tickled a little.

"Alright, baby," Y/N said and snuggled back at him. "But I have to cook breakfast. It's like almost lunch already."

"That was a long long night." Tom teased and Y/N felt her cheeks heat up as she remembered what happened last night. She slapped Tom's arm playfully who just laughed at her. "Let's do it again," Tom whispered in her ear with a husky voice and attempted to kiss her again but Y/N covered his mouth with her hand.

"Nope, nope. Not happening." Y/N said as she shoved his arms away from her and stood up with the blanket wrapped around her. "You better go and shower, Holland!" She exclaimed as she exited her room.

"Join me, then!"

"Shut it, Thomas!"

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

"Alright, we're on our way now, mum," Tom said through his phone as he drove in the road. "Love you too. Bye." He ended the call and placed his phone down. His eyes focusing on the road.

"What did she say?" Y/N asked.

"Harrison and Erika are already there and there done preparing." He answered and she just nodded as an answer. He glanced at her and smiled, taking her nearest hand and intertwining their fingers together. Y/N looked at him and smiled back. Tom decided to stop driving for a while which made Y/N confused. He parked the car on the side of the road.

"What's wrong?" Y/N asked, concerned.

"I just..." Tom paused for a while. "I'm just so happy that I got to see you again," Tom said and looked at her deep in her eyes.

Y/N placed a hand on his cheek and smiled. "Me too, Tom." She said.

"I'll take you with me once my vacation is over," Tom said and her eyes widen.

"But I have work—"

"I already talked to your manager and he's fine with it. He's gonna give you a break for a while." Tom said.

"How is that even possible?" She asked and giggled.

"Secret," Tom said and grinned. "I want you to see my work and some of the co-stars want to meet you."

"Seriously?" Y/N asked. "You talked about me to them?"

"Yep." Tom answered, emphasizing the 'p'. "Even the Avenger cast wants to meet you."

"Alright, then. I'll get to see celebrities." Y/N squealed and smiled at him. "At least I get to see my boyfriend work. This is exciting."

Tom placed a hand on her nape and pulled her head closer for him to kiss your forehead and lips.

"I love you, my love." He said. "You are my world and my everything."

Oh, how lucky they were for each other.

"I love you, too, Tom."

Always.

Forever.

Fin.

❝ WE WERE SO BEAUTIFUL

WE WERE SO TRAGIC

NO OTHER MAGIC

COULD EVER COMPARE ❞

❃ ANOTHER AUTHOR'S NOTE to add, feel free to also comment or reblog how this series was. i would lovre to read your thoughts and feelings about this series. once again, thank you for reading NEVER NOT, by yours truly 🦋

❃ TAGLIST @allthisfortommy @kait4073 @lovebittenbyevans @l0ve-0f-my-life @spiitfiires @robertpattinson-th @jackiehollanderr @butterflies-glitter

[trblhyuns]

imagine us. (pt.1 and we were eating)

pairing// hyunjin-reader main  &&lil chan-reader for a little

tws// use of drugs and alcohol, suggestive scenes, hyunjin can be a dick sometimes and it hurts

— lighthearted

prologue / masterlist / pt.2

pt.1 wc: 1989

his cologne caught my nose. it smells just like the one i had got for my little brother this past christmas. when my brother wore it it smelt nice, and i liked the undernotes but on him, it just smelt weird. but now i could smell the same undertone and it was pleasingly sweet, but mostly smelled like dude. not like locker room dude but like shaves his face with a straight razor, changes his own oil, shops at nordstrom rack dude. my brother said he wanted it because he saw it in some pickup artist video saying that it was the best scent to get girls. i wonder if he got it because of that video too. not saying that if i smelled it on my brother that i would find him attractive too. ew. i know that scents change depending on the person who is wearing them. but the smell, or more likely the aura radiating off this guy is making my head turn.

i can only catch a glimpse of the head of hair on this guy. blonde and long. like the barbies i used to play with my elementary school when i would spend the night. i want to see more of him. his smell is luring me in. i feel like a dog looking for a treat that it hid months ago.

"why do you keep looking at the booth behind you" jisung looks into me, using scissors to cut the sizzling pork belly into small pieces. i fold into myself watching the pieces fall onto the round charcoal grill between us. "you're so weird." he shakes his head before going back to grilling the meat.

"okay try to see past all the smell of the expensive meat, which i am paying for, may remind you before you call me weird. but you smell that?" he looks at me while squinting his eyes, slowly he puts down the tongs and scissors. his fingers stroke his chin and within a few moments his features scrunch up.

"yeah i smell that. oh my god."

"really? i thought i was crazy." relief falls over me. i'm not the only one who can smell it.

"yeah it smells so fucking bad, it's like there is a y/n here stinking the whole restaurant up. yeah, i don't think i can eat anymore" he drops his hands on the table. my eyes droop. i look up at him from hooded lids, trying to put on the most deadpan face i can.

"yeah, i think you're paying now buddy."

"but y/n~~~ i was like um just playing, but for real it smells like dude. you know when you come to the studio with me and the middle schoolers leave because the youth classes end. yeah, yeah. like when the youth classes end. onions and axe." i chuckle at his response before grabbing a piece of the now grilled pork belly off the grill and putting it on my plate. i can not express how excited i am to eat this pork belly. it distracts me enough from what we were talking about before, and as i am ready to bring the food up to my mouth i am soon more distracted by the sound of the tall man scooting out from the booth behind me, napkin clad in hand making his way over to the buffet, probably to get more sides.

"jisung do you need more sides?"

"no, i need more front."

"what?" i looked at him puzzled trying to figure out what he means.

"i need to see the front of that guy who smells like onions and axe, was that what you were trying to look at in the booth behind you. because i'm going to let you know right now, just by looking at the back of onion and axe guy you have no chance."

i stare at him again.

"bitch what the fuck." jisung puts his hand up to his forehead, which i just flicked. "again, i was just joking gotdamn. if you want to talk to him this is your chance i guess. i want more radish now be nice and go get me some since you just flicked me." i roll my eyes still staring while my eyes close into a tight glare shooting at him. i look over at the buffet, and he is nowhere to be seen. usually, by now i would have kicked jisung under the table for being so mean, but he was right. this was a good time to go see what this guy was all about. and, i want to smell him. as appetizing as this porkbelly smells, and how much i was craving to eat it, he smells more delicious. but jisung's words play in my head again onions and axe. it makes me chuckle.

i get up and make my way towards the buffet. it's the dinner rush, and since this was the only good bbq spot in the town at the moment, i have to dodge busy servers, and the sound of conversations, and maybe even a fighting couple pass by me as i make my way over.

trying to be as inconspicuous as possible, i try to look around me taking in the surroundings of the restaurant, but trying to spot the full head of blonde hair. i put the plastic gloves over my hands, grabbing a plate from under the food, and then mindlessly— and may i add very slowly— put things onto the plate. i see him a bit of the way over just staring at the meat fridge. the blonde hair pulls me in and i'm about to make my move before i feel a sting on my face. quickly i wipe my hand over my face trying to scratch before i realize i now have the residue of whatever was on my gloves, but what's even worse i don't have my mask on. the blood rushes to my face as i quickly make my way back to the booth where jisung is waiting for me.

"dude you didn't even get any radish." he looks at me, looking like he is trying to hold back his laughter as he throws a napkin at my face.

"do you think he saw me, oh my god, what if he did, he probably thinks i'm some freak anti-masker trying to spread my germs to everyone."

"i mean i would." jisung retorts at me.

"you're such a dick" i throw my crumpled-up napkin back at him.

"yeah but who begged me to come out to eat with her, and who made me cancel my studio time just because little y/n can't grill food by herself, and can't stand the thought of eating out alone." his pout becomes deeper with each word he says, and his voice becomes squeaker at the same rate.

"yeah but who gets to eat for free?" i imitate him. this makes him purse his lips, a playful look on his face as he goes back to eating the sides i brought back from the buffet. he looks around before eyeing the direction of the buffet.

"yoooo YOOOOOOOO y/n y/n y/n. i know that guy." he has a surprised look on his face, but not hiding the fact that he is a little excited. like a little lab dog. i open my eyes wide, ready to hear how i can get closer to him. "i've seen him at the studio before. you know that guy chan i have been trying to get you to bang so i can live vicariously through you, yeah i think he is friends with him."

"first of all, i don't know why you keep trying to live vicariously through me. especially since the situation is me having sex with chan. because you are like. straight. but maybe i should hit up chan now haha." i play with the straw that's sitting in my water cup while jisung pulls out his phone, scrolling through. he looked so focused, a look i only see when he is trying to mix a new track, or while he stares at himself in the mirror while dancing. i wait there for a while, distributing the rest of the cooked meat between us. before i can start to eat jisung shoves his phone in my face.

"okay i got his snapchat and apparently he is here with this girl as you can see by the story i am showing you right now." that was quick, but expected from jisung.

i take his phone out of his hands, holding it closer to my face so i can read the caption better. remembering that they are in the booth behind us, i remember to lower my voice before i speak.

"okay first of all who comes to a bbq place and orders off the kitchen menu. and do you think they are dating, like is the emoji meant to be about her or the food, and do you think she is eating the food he is grilling, or do you think she is the type to eat salads on dates to seem more feminine." i start to ramble, obviously jealous over a girl i don't know over a guy i don't know. things have been dry for me lately. school has taken over my life. occasionally i will go out to the club, or the rare party, but being friends with jisung who doesn't get out as much as he used to, i just have never have an excuse to go out and meet more people. this is the action and drama i need in my life right now.

"okay, first of all, y/n you said a lot, and it is a lot to unpack. and i don't know if you know her and have some grudge or sum, but i think you are just reading too much into it." and he's right. i have only seen this guy's face like once, and maybe got a good whiff of him, but i feel like i'm going crazy for no reason. oh my god, i am so deprived of any interaction with anyone.

"let's just forget about it and get the bill. he has a girl so my window has closed." jisung nods in approval and goes to finishing his food. we continue to make small talk and joke around. the server comes to the table black book in hand. i put my card in and wait for him to come back with the reciept.

"wait y/n your tipping too right."

"oh my god jisung, just how broke are you?"

"i'm not broke i'm just trying to save up for these nice ass headphones and i just wanted to ask you to break our little you pay and i tip streak so i can keep a little extra cash so i can hear porn in HD audio."

"okay, okay, just stop talking, gosh. what is up with you today." the server comes back and i scribble in the tip and total before looking at jisung signaling to him to get up.

"nothin.'' he smiles at me as he scoots out from the booth grabbing his bag. "so now that you know that pretty guy isn't available will you FINALLY hit up chan. he has been asking about you." we are walking out of the restaurant now. standing out on the side walk beside the main road. there is traffic tonight downtown, like always. the older people are making their way out of the restaurants, and closing their tabs at bars. the bouncers are going to come out soon, ready to take only the obviously fake ids, and i can imagine a few hours from now the barely dressed girls on the backs of guys they met dancing stumbling down the concrete, or the older college kids playing pool instead of getting wasted.

"i guess now i will."

[wolvesloveyou]

This is another rant post cause life decided to shit on me this week, so ignore me.

I had my advising meeting yesterday to plan out my schedule for next semester. Scheduling wise, I went fine, and I can register for classes. Great. But then she asked about my assistant design thing.

For context, I'm a theatre major who specializes in costume design. This semester, I'm assistant designing for Taming of The Shrew. It's great. I also and a student worker for the costume shop, so I get paid as well. Awesome.

My advisor asked how it was going, I said it was going good, all the stuff I've been assigned are almost done (hopefully since we open next week) and she asked how much of that was I working on outside of work. I was confused, but I had done plenty of research outside of it so I said that. She said that as an assistant designer, that's not enough hours that can be counted since I'm being paid by the school. Meaning there's a difference between work and design. Which makes sense. I knew that. But, because of that, technically I can't be counted as assistant designer, but because she's nice (-_-) she'll let it slide and just make me assistant design again before I can be a ful designer. Fine. It's a little frustrating, but whatever. No biggie.

She then proceeded to ask how much I've been in the costume shop this past week. Well, outside of the 8 hours I work a week, none. I have other organizations that I'm a part of and hw that I need to be working on. She told me, verbatim, "you need to be spending every waking moment you can in the costume shop. You can go to class, eat, and sleep. Otherwise, you're in the costume shop. The Designer is here super late at night working on this, you should be here too."

1) No. I shouldn't have to sell my soul to work on this. I have OTHER THINGS that I've committed myself to doing that are not negotiable, and this is what happens when you encourage students to join organizations. We get conflicts. And guess what. I'M WORKING WHEN I HAVE FREE TIME. I literally took a day off my available schedule to allow myself 4 HOURS to do homework. Weekends are a whole other deal, but I'm not gonna entertain that for now.

2) the costume designer for this show is a professor. He is in his late 40s I think? I'm a 20F. I don't feel comfortable staying on campus late at night working on costumes alone with him. I'm sorry, but to me, my social anxiety and the slight fear I have of being left alone with a man significantly older than me late at night disagree with that statement. Granted, I might be overreacting here. He's gay and I'm straight, he's not going to actually pull something like that. But he's already proven himself to be extremely petty and passive aggressive. I don't want to be put in that position, and frankly, the fact that you think it's a good idea to put me in that position is worrying. Also, he works here. He chooses to be here for super long hours. That's his job. I'm a student. I'm here to learn, to take classes so I can get a degree and do something with my life. I have more things spread of a wide variety of categories to think about and manage where as he only has his job as a professor and costume shop manager. Our priorities are very different here, and staying late working on costumes isn't one of mine, especially when I have homework to do and a pet to take care of.

My advisor also said that "I should be aware that things get more demanding the week before a show, so any homework you have you should do ahead of time."

To be fair, yes, I know that. For most people who work in theatre, the week before a show opens is the most stressful and demanding. However, as a student I can't always plan around it. Non-theatre professor won't care. Even if they have a calendar out that has big projects and their due dates, they can still assign homework the week of with warning. They can make it due the next class, which gives me 2 days. I'm already nearly fully booked throughout the week, so I need the time to do it. You telling me I should have planned around it is irresponsible. Have you ever tried asking a professor who doesn't like working with students to give you homework early so you didn't have to do it the week of? It doesn't work most of the time, and some don't even see theatre as a reasonable excuse to work around it.

Now. Some of these points are valid to some degree, and I realize that. If I was working full time somewhere, and not taking classes, then yeah, I can see that and would agree. But I'm not working somewhere else. I'm a student. I'm paying to take classes and get a degree. You pushing me to spend EVERY AMOUNT OF FREE TIME I HAVE WITH YOU is just as irresponsible and annoying as those professors who think their class is the most important thing in the world. I'm sorry to break it to you, but its not. Even if it's important to my career, it's not important enough to push me to a breaking point.

I already struggle with time management and taking care of myself. I have a hard time making myself eat and drink water and do laundry and take showers and literally any other self care thing you can think of. It's hard. I can barely make myself do it without that kind of stress. I've already had instances where I've gotten sick after a show because I was dehydrated, because I FORGOT TO DRINK WATER FOR A FULL 2 WEEKS. That's not healthy. I recognize that. It's a work in progress. It's harder for me to take care of myself when I can't go home and make food, and rest properly. And you basically saying I shouldn't be leaving to do so, but staying here is astonishing.

On the bright side, instead of having 2 years left, I have a year and a half. 3 semesters. I'll be graduation in December instead of May. Hopefully I won't snap before then.

[docholligay]

Hi Doc! I'm looking to buy a nice wine to celebrate with tonight and I've got about $100 set aside for it. Is that enough to buy a good wine with, or should I splurge a little more? I'm not necessarily looking for a high alcohol content, but I'm not afraid of that either; I'm looking for something that tastes lovely and goes well with fish. Do you have any recommendations?

Wine Anon: Ok so I consulted my co-celebrator and here are some answers!

I thought we were doing a fancy dinner but we're getting a bunch of sushi with some appetizers (edamame, maybe some oysters.) We aren't doing dessert with dinner tonight. We are eventually going to do a 3 course dinner with dessert, and we will be getting several bottles so I'll def have to come back to you for that!

I'm very new to wine, I know that I like rosé and some sweet whites? The last white that I got that I liked was a pear wine from Olive Garden (I know, I am the Haruka of my relationship.) It was actually the wine that convinced me to not give up on trying new wines! I think I'd only had a few up until then and they were dreadful. I think I don't like dry?

Wine comments from my so: dry, woody, not sweet, not leggy, anything he can taste the tannins in is a no-go so no reds? He favors white but he won't say no to a good rosé. His first wine love was a 5y Sauvignon Blanc he had at a some fancy rich dude's party when he was 17 so he can't recall the name haha. He mentioned New Zealand and Chilean wines were good.

If it comes down to it, I don't mind getting a good bottle heavily favoring his tastes (we're doing this for him) but if you can think of 2 bottles that we'd both separately like, I wouldn't mind that either.

Thank you so much for your help!

First of all, congrats to your mancandy for knowing the difference between tannic and dry. There's a huge misconception that dry means tannic, and they're totally different things. I assume it's because tannins have a sort of dryish feel in the mouth. Anyhow, I DO want to argue the fact that reds are exclusively tannic--there are plenty of low tannin reds--but that's another post, as red wouldn't really go with what you were eating unless we were really trying to make it stretch.

Secondly, all of this assumes that you have no interest whatsoever in sake. I LOVE sake, and it's my always go to for sushi, and my frequent go-to for light fish dishes in general. But it's not super accessible, and some (wrong) people flat do not like it.

Thirdly THANK YOU SO MUCH for just giving me a goddamn number!! My least favorite word on EARTH is "affordable." It's meaningless. Just tell me your number! I may not be able to HELP you, but I won't JUDGE you. For anything you need help finding. So bless you, and it was a MAJOR reason I decided to answer this. Whites tend to be cheaper (unless they are Champagne) for a wide variety of reasons, so I don’t think MUCH on this list will hit about 35-40. 

A note: Unless something is WIDELY available commercially, I just recommend TYPES of wine. I would go into your local wine store and ask for these varietals, depending on which one you choose. They may even be able to help select one to go with fish!

So for him, I DO recommend a Sauvignon Blanc, or another high acid wine. The fish used in sushi is mostly fatty and rich, for fish, and these high acid wines give a real element of freshness and even slightly of salt.

You want to know one of my favorite SBs? It's actually something you can get at the goddamn COSTCO, Kim Crawford SB. I don't know if I would call it an OCCASION wine, depending on how we think of things, but it is special enough to be a Shabbat wine in my family, I think you can get it in most grocery stores, and it never disappoints.

If you want SB, but not though, I'd go with a Fume Blanc, which is one of my favorite wines no one seems to know. Fume Blanc is SB, honestly, but made in the US, and pretty much always highly oaky and dry. I love it, but I love that oak shit. Fume Blanc is hard to find nowadays, because of declining knowledge of the name, winemakers are just labeling stuff " Sauvignon Blanc" which, yeah, it's the same grape, but I like to know which SBs have seen some oak, you know? Anyway, I like the rich oakiness paired with salmon rolls especially!

If you want to go with something TOTALLY different that I think he'd like, I think that a Muscadet is going to have a lot of those same flavors while giving him something different. It's BONE DRY, and the acids from it are going to give a lot of those same pleasant associations as SB. A good Muscadet is probably the most expensive thing on this list. 

My favorite budget sushi wine, period, is Ovum Big Salt. You are not looking for budget wine, but if you ever are like me and eating buy one get one half off rolls while reading a book, I love Big Salt. It's a Riesling-Gewurztraminer (Somehow I doubt I spelt that second one correctly) blend that legitimately has strong salt overtones. It's also great with coconut shrimp. (Come to think of it, dry Riesling would be a good pairing with this, too)

For you!

Sweeter wines are tougher to pair with sushi than his tastes, but that shouldn't say at all that it's impossible! If you like something labeled pear wine at the Olive Garden (ahahahaha I'm sorry but ahahaha) the wines you like are probably not just sweet in a WINE sense, but probably TRULY sweet.

So I'm going to push you a little bit! These are sweet in the wine category, or if you’re the sort of person who doesn’t eat a lot of sugar, but they aren’t like...fucking moscato or something. A bit more refined, a bit more elegant, and a good way to move into developing your palate, while not being OVERTLY challenging for a newbie. 

My wife is at times (often) a Haruka Lite, just one calorie, and moving her to a better and wider palate, I’ve had a lot of luck with bubbles. I think because they are widely fun in their own right, and give another quality to what might otherwise be a too-straight-on glass of wine, so that’s the direction I went here.

Prosecco, specifically a demi-sec. Demi-sec is the sweetest variety of prosecco, and I confess I give this to you more to try and put you on the path of expanding your wine palate than as a specific pairing--like I said, sweets are hard--and you’ll almost certainly need to go to a wine shop to find a version that is both demi-sec and GOOD, which is doable but not easily accessible*.

Now if you want something I ACTUALLY think goes with sushi, I recommend Cremant. Cremant is champagne, made in France, not made IN Champagne. It’s the same shit. It offers a lot of the complexity and delight of Champagne without the cost (Champagne is ALSO a lovely choice! But I generally recommend that if you’re both drinking the same bottle.) I think it’s one of the greatest secrets of the wine world--it’s not like the French terroir outside of Champagne sucks. You will almost certainly have to get this in a wine shop, as it’s not well known by people casually (which is a goddamn shame) in America--the UK tends to have a wider range of them.

I L O V E Cremant. Love. A favorite bubbly. Maybe my favorite, actually? I mean I love Chapagne but like, I have a baby and a mortgage and a budget.  And Champagne goes great with sushi! Cremant is, I find, a little less intense than Champagne, which I think will be really good for you as a “beginner” and also the price point tends to be SO APPROACHABLE. Anyway on this one I actually DO have a couple brand recs, because this a thing I drink A LOT, and I’m going to break my ruling about not reccing certain brands ahaha. 

J. Laurens Cremant de Limoux --I think this bottle is like 20 bucks locally? It IS more Brut (dry) but I still think it’s really nice, with a citrusy quality that pairs really good with richer fish

Kuentz-Bas Cremant d'Alsace-- I fucking love this bottle. It’s 25, I think, bucks, at my local wine shop. It’s almost...creamy? I know that sounds insane but I can’t think of a better word. I love Alsatian wine in general though. This is a really nice, light wine that I think pairs with TONS of stuff, and would be good with a wide variety of sushi styles. 

I had a really amazing Rosé Cremant years ago that had a quality of sweetness to it, but I bought it in a goddamn Tesco in London and so I DOUBT you can find it here. I have it written down in my travel journal though, I think. 

ANYWAY I HOPE THIS HELPS SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG. 

*This puts me in mind of the One Good Moscato I have ever had, at Alinea (in and of it itself one of the highlights of my life) where it was still too sweet for me personally, but I could recognize the complexity and mastery in the glass. I was shit shocked. Someone remind me to ask @keyofjetwolf what it was, I think she wrote it down, and as I recall it was not a spendy bottle, even.