#and the answer would be yes my face was covered by the very distinct pollen dust from my grandmas orange lillies

[sparklehoard]

Whats your favorite flower?? If you have one. You just seem like a flower person!! 😭🙏 /LH

It my photo that gives me away~ 💛🌼💛

I love peonies! I actually just found out there's a cute yellow peony called a Clare de lune. Mostly for their smell!

I also love lilacs, sunflowers, daisies, cosmos and bachelor's buttons!

[rason-rodd]

Trusting (’Begging’ part2) (Arkham Knight! Jason xReader)

Summary: Guilt is haunting you as you remember the things you’ve done until Jason shows up into your room. 

Warning: Language, Graphic Violence, Mentions of sex, PTSD, Anxiety

Author’s note: Another long chapter that follows the event of Begging but with a series of flashbacks included. I plan on writing 3 or 4 parts for this fanfic. Texts in Italics are flashbacks.

Tagged: @usernightwing, @queen-fighter, @anaboo-thewriter, @piratefrost, (WHO ELSE WANT TO BE TAGGED?)

(PART 1)

The pollen was still dancing in the air on that night. And all around you smelled like fresh flowers and plants mixed to a thick cloud of pollution that you could only smell in Gotham. The war between the Dark Knight and the Arkham Knight was over. Scarecrow was still in jail, victim of his own evil doing, Cobblepot and Dent in neighbouring cells. And Bruce … Bruce was dead. The Batman was dead.   And Gotham was slowly drowning again under a wave of crime that was growing more and more each day.       Thugs had retaken the darkness of the streets, terrorising families and innocents and the incarceration of the most famous crime lords had permitted the rise of some others. Among them, Roman Sionis aka Black Mask.

He had taken control of the docks, made them the key point of his business. Drugs. Weapons. Dirty money. He had his filthy hands on everything. A smart businessman. But a smart business who was drawing too much attention. A smart businessman with a target on his back.

Aiming at that target, the Red Hood. That’s the name he had chosen. But you knew who was really underneath that crimson mask. Jason Todd. Robin. or also more recently known as The Arkham Knight. You had never met him, just heard stories, some anecdotes that Dick had spilled with a saddened melancholic smile that was now almost frozen on his young face or some rumours whispered in the streets. A dangerous man undoubtedly. But a broken man above all.

You had built a plan, Dick, Barbara, Tim and you, a plan the young Robin had characterised as “well put together”. It never sounded “well put together” to you though or to Dick. But you had volunteered to make it a success anyway and thus whatever the means. You just had to meet him. And what better place than Crime Alley to do it.

High heels, beautiful dress, a young woman coming back home alone.  Yes, that night you were the perfect bait. So tempting, so attractive. “ Hey baby, where are you going like that?” And so easy to take.             “Home.”         “ Want us to escort you? The night is dangerous” You glanced at both men, tightening you hands around your purse to look a bit scared. Bu you were not scared. Not even a bit. After all, you had been trained. You were the new Batgirl, even though you didn’t like carrying someone else’s name.             “No need, but thanks.” You retorted but a man grasped your arm rather brutally.  “Don’t touch me!” You shouted as you immediately took a pepper spray out of your bag. Tim’s idea. Makes you look more like a Gotham damsel in distress. If a pepper spray were useful everybody would know it. ”Look, mate. Kitty’s got claws”       “ I think she’s threatening us.”  They both came closer to you and, as you walked backwards, you fell down on your bottom, dropping the spray. You didn’t mean to. “Down on the ground? Very good.” One of them unzipped his pants and you immediately closed your eyes. You didn’t want to see this.

BANG BANG.

Echoing like thunder in the alley.     And blood poured on your face and on your body like a hot summer rain. And both men fell like birds stricken by lightning, by fate wearing a red hood.

You opened your eyes very carefully. What a horrific vision. Agonizing men on the floor, moaning, crying, chocking in their blood, castrated by two efficient bullets in their bloody genitals. So much blood. And that reek. It was on you. It was in you, maybe. It was everywhere.

You looked away when you heard footsteps coming closer. It was him. The vengeful crimson ghost. The Red Hood. Guns in his hands.         He stared at both men in silence and you guessed disdain and disgust behind his mask. He shot again to put an end to their suffering even though, you were sure, it was not out of mercy.             You backed down again, still on the floor when he knelt by your side. “Do you understand why I did this?”     You frowned. Could he read your mind? Could he see on your face your contempt for killers regardless of their motives? Could he see you were not a fan of men like him who fancied themselves judges, juries and executioners?       You nodded anyway. “Scumbags like them deserved to be put down. They lie. They abuse. They try to gain their victim’s trust but There's no trust, No faith, no honesty in men; all perjured, All forsworn, all naught, all dissemblers.”     “Shakespeare” “You know your classics”       “ And you’re quite a literature nerd for a crazy ass vigilante”

Trust. How ironic was that. How ironic that the first words you shared proved to be the perfect words to describe the awfulness you were doing today. Gaining his trust. Using him. Trapping him. And you hated yourself for it. And you hated the others as well, for letting you do this and for making sure you would fulfil this mission.       Because you needed to remember. Jason was a mission, a dangerous mission.

You sighed as the memories of that night faded away to move on to another memory. A memory of last night, when Nightwing had appeared.

“ Do you realise what could have happened?” You didn’t reply. Instead you just gritted your teeth, eyes staring at the moon, arms tightened around the sheets covering your naked body “Y/N! I’m talking to you!”           “ And I’m listening.” You growled, more than annoyed       “ No you’re not!”       Nightwing’s gauntlet suddenly rang and Oracle appeared on a holographic screen. She had a sun-kissed – though rather red - face and she looked jolly and very smiley, like anyone after well-deserved holidays on a beach you supposed.       “ Nightwing. I’ve got news on the mysterious… I’m bothering, maybe.”     “ We were having a conversation.” Dick answered with a softer and calmer voice. “ A conversation? You mean a lecture.” You corrected, curtly. Barbara’s eyes widened and for a second she hoped she had listened to Tim. They were so good on that beach. But they were not on the beach in anymore and here she was, back at work, in Gotham.           “ Okay. I definitely can feel the tension between both of you. So why don’t you tell me what’s going on?”       “ Dick is being a jerk. That’s what’s going on.” You shouted. “ A fucking distrustful pervert jerk.” He snickered and brushed his hair backwards. He couldn’t believe what you were saying. “ When did I say I didn’t trust you?”           “ So you admit you’re a pervert?” Barbara asked. “What? No.”         “ You always keep an eye on me! If that not distrust then what is it?” He grumbled and you kept talking. “You.Watched.Me!” You enunciated every syllable distinctively. “Having sex” Barbara stared at Dick in shock, ready to defend you. “You did what? That’s creepy!” “That’s voyeurism!” You clarified.     “ I didn’t do that. I didn’t see anything.” You crossed your arms above your chest to show your discontent. He had to be kidding you. “ Well maybe I saw a few things. But it wasn’t anything I had never really seen.”             The red haired girl suddenly looked horrified. “ Wait, what?” But no one paid attention to her. “ Oh, because the fact we fucked a couple of times grants you the authorisation to consider me as a living breathing porn movie.”     “ You two … you … What?” Barbara mumbled. Three weeks on a honeymoon and everything had gone to shit.           “ Long story, Babs.”   “ Not that long. 20 minutes each time, is that it?” You confessed with a sneer.                 “ Like you didn’t enjoy it.”     “ STOP!!!” Barbara shouted. You both immediately shut up and breathed in and out deeply to calm yourself. “I didn’t call to listen to you guys talking about such intimate things. So this is what we are going to do. We are going to act as adults and listen to each other, okay?”

None of you replied but Oracle took it has a sign you were both ready to do as she said. “ I want Y/N out of the mission.” You sighed and opened you mouth to defend yourself but Barbara ordered you to stay silent. “It’s too dangerous. You’re not trained enough for this and you’re especially too emotionally involved” He cared about you. You knew he did. But he couldn’t ask you this. “I watched you. It’s true. I shouldn’t have. But imagine what I felt when I saw Jason hurting you, Y/N, when I saw him chocking you. He could have killed you.”         “ He didn’t. He would never hurt me. It was an accident.”             “ Do you even hear yourself?” He asked, completely staggered by your naivety. “Have you seen your bruises?” Yes you have. But they did not matter. They were just bruises. Part of the job. “ He needs us, Dick. He needs me. I know I can help him.”           “ He is sick!” He shouted, hoping to reason you. “ He’s my brother, Y/N. I care about him too. But Jason took the name of the Red Hood, a name Joker had once. He killed Killermoth. He killed Black Mask and so many other people. He put Gotham to fire and the sword. He kidnapped Barbara. He tried to kill Bruce and he’s responsible for everything that’s happened lately. You can’t help him. He needs professional help.”     “ How can you say that?” You asked with eyes widened and watery. The Dick Grayson you knew would never say such awful things. He would not let his family down like that.             “ It’s the truth.”         “ You want to send him to a new Arkham Asylum? What a fantastic idea! Being locked up in the same kind of place in which he was tortured for over a year. I thought you were smarter than that… No I thought you were more compassionate than that. What a Batman move for someone who doesn’t want to be him and who has been whining like a kid for the past months because there is no way for him to wear the cowl and give back hope to this city”     “ Y/N!!” Barbara shouted but you didn’t listen. Instead you came closer to Dick with clenched fists. “You don’t wanna do what Bruce had planned for you? Fine. But let me do what was expected from me, what you all expected from me. Let me do what I want. Dangerous or not.” He frowned, not liking your tone at all. But he was wiser than you. “What was asked of you Y/N?”     “ To save Jason.”  You replied simply. He shook his head. “No. The mission was to keep an eye on Jason and to do what was necessary if he ever crossed the line. What is necessary is not comforting him using sex or whispering sweet words to his ear. What is necessary is to put him behind bars and give him the help he truly needs. You agreed to this when you volunteered. You agreed to do anything to make sure he would not go on a killing spree. You agreed to deceive him if you had too. You failed. So now you’re out of the mission.”

You rolled over and over in your bed. You couldn’t sleep. Out of the mission? Maybe was it a good thing after all. But out of the family? No way.     You sighed deeply and closed you eyes, trying to find some sleep. But no time to meet Mr Sandman. A small noise and your eyes were open again. The window had creaked and now you could feel a small breeze on your skin. You sat up and you saw him, in his gear, knelt on the floor. “Jay?” You frowned.

You repeated his name another time when you heard no sound coming from his mouth but a heavy panting distorted by his mask. “Baby.” You worried as you immediately got up to kneel before him. “What is it?” He didn’t answer, focused on his breathing or maybe was his mind completely elsewhere. You took off his red hood to help him breathe and threw it on the ground. The light bump on the wooden floor made him jump.         He was completely alarmed and frightened, like a hunted stag. His now-red face was covered in sweat and his black hair were completely wet. But what worried you the most was that terror in his blue eyes. The pupils were weirdly contracted and he looked as if he didn’t know where he was or what was going on. “Jay.” You whispered, heartbroken, trying to bring him back to you. You reached out to caress his cheek but he hissed and moved backwards. “I’m … su…focating” He managed to say.       Tears started streaming down your cheeks. You never felt so helpless, so useless or so scared and seeing him in such pain was tearing your heart out.

Without thinking, you jumped on him to hug him tight. You were not sure it was the right thing to do but it happened as a reflex, as a way to show him or whoever was hurting him that he was yours and that you were there to protect him. He immediately screamed in pain and tried to push you away but you resisted and used all your weight to keep him still. You forced him to nestle his face in your neck and then you whispered sweet loving words in his ear, your hand caressing his hair. “I’m here. I’m with you, baby. I’m not leaving.”  

He started to slowly relax. The cries and screams began to fade and now you could feel his heart beating against your chest going back to a more leisurely rhythm. “You’re okay.” The panting soon disappeared and Jason let himself slide along your body as if he couldn’t stay straight anymore. You held him back, his head against your chest, and he clang to your body as a baby koala. “Shh” You whispered still caressing his hair.     “ Don’t ever leave me. Don’t ever let me down” He cried against you.       “I won’t” You kissed the top of his head and you both remained like this for a couple of minutes before you helped him stand up to sit him down on your bed.

“He was in my head.” You nodded and murmured, “I know” as you brushed away his sweaty strands of hair away from his forehead. “He was laughing” You took off his black and white leather jacket. “That sick son of a bitch.” He was still in chock, still a bit disconnected from reality but you let him talk. He needed it. He needed someone to listen to him, to take care of him. You removed his gloves and his thick long-sleeved top to leave him bare-chested on your bed and soon unstrapped his shin guards and holsters. “I want him gone. I want him gone from my head. I want my life back” You looked up at him with a compassionate look. “But I won’t have it back, will I?”         “ Just give it some time.” You tried to be optimistic. “ It’s been years.” He mumbled as you removed his boots. “But you didn’t have me.” You timidly whispered. He stared at you and put a hand on your cheeks in a weird attempt to caress it. He was so uncomfortable when loving touches were involved. “I didn’t have you.”         He made you straddle him to gaze at you the same way a believer would look at a goddess. You were so pure to him, so delicate, so surreal that sometimes he would wonder if you were not the fruit of hallucinations created by his mind to help him process all the raging emotions inside of him. “I don’t know what I would be without you”           You smiled lightly. “Just lay down.” He nodded and you pushed him flat on the mattress to take off his trousers so that he would be in his boxers.  Then you lied down next to him and took his arm to make him spoon you since you knew he would not do it himself even if wanted it.  He loudly smelt the perfume in your hair, tightened his embrace and closed his eyes. “I love you so much.”       “ I love you too.” You gave a faint smile and turned around to kiss him. And what was supposed to be a simple peck on the lips became something more needy, something that sucked the air from your lungs. You were his oxygen. And if it was what he needed then fine.

Screw them all. Screw their stupid mission. You had your own agenda now.

If Jason Todd trusted you then you knew you couldn’t deceive him anymore.

If Jason Todd trusted you then you would do anything to show how worthy of his trust you were.