#and the December 8th is my deceased friend's birthday

[erika-xero]

ah yeah. the i n c o n v e n i e n c e.

The inconvenience of me losing my job.

First the w@r, then I had to bury my childhood friend, and now - this. Life in this country gave me a severe depression.

[remalynn-runesworn-blog]

LFC: Remy Runesworn

the basics ––– –

NAME: Remalynn Runesworn NICKNAME(S): Remy (commonly & preferred), Ema (by her brother, usually), Lynn (rarely) AGE: Young Adult BIRTHDAY: December 8th || Sagittarius || RACE: Sin'dorei GENDER: Female SEXUALITY: Bisexual RELATIONSHIP STATUS: Single

physical appearance ––– –

HAIR: Flaxen in color, framing her face in soft waves that flow to the middle of her back. It is usually kept down to bounce around in a tousled mane of braids and beads. Sometimes, it’s seen in a large, messy braid or bun, adorned with a multitude of flowers and or "trinkets."  

EYES: Having been graced with heterochromia, Remy's left eye is liquid gold in color, while her right eye is an emerald green. To some, it is quite shocking upon meeting her. To others, nothing too peculiar.

HEIGHT: A reasonable 5'5"!

BUILD: Willowy, at best. She is no curvaceous vixen by any means, although her waist is slim, her hips a little wider. It is easy to tell that she doesn't sling a weapon of any sort, being quite the bookworm. Her arms are long, along with her legs that lead up to a pair of sturdy thighs. The mage is best known for running rather than brute strength.

DISTINGUISHING MARKS: Besides Rem's eyes, there isn't really anything that would cause you to distinguish or pick her out amidst a crowd! She doesn't have any large scars (yet, despite her being a klutz), nor does she have any tattoos (double yet).

COMMON ACCESSORIES: Around the Sin'dorei's neck is home to a banged-up, silver locket. It stays there, tucked beneath her shirt, at all times. It's easy to see that it must hold some sort of personal value, coin-wise it may be a couple copper, if that, due to all the damage. Her left ear has a multitude of stud and hoop earrings all along it; her right has one hoop towards the top and a dangling trinket of sorts hanging from the lobe. Either hanging off her shirt or in her pocket is a pair of thin-wired, flimsy-looking glasses. She keeps them on her at all times, not being able to read without them.

personal ––– –

PROFESSION: She travels around with her brother, so she doesn't really have much of a "profession."  Although! She has taken up tailoring, being the most painfully novice seamstress of them all. Despite it, she still tends to ask people to take their measurements and practices different sizes of clothing often. Besides that, she can whip you up a pretty mean mana bun!

HOBBIES: Reading/Studying, practicing her "work," adventuring, listening to tales told by the locals LANGUAGES: Thalassian, Orcish, Common (enough to get by, possibly), Wanting to Learn More! RESIDENCE: Nomad, at the moment. BIRTHPLACE: Silvermoon City RELIGION: The Light FEARS: Confinement, Ending Up Alone, Letting Others Down -- also Spiders, can’t forget the spiders.

relationships ––– -

PARENTS: Kan'lios Runesworn (father - deceased) || Mirlana Sunveil (mother - alive) SIBLING(S): Elrodanis Runesworn (brother • eldest - alive) || Nazia Runesworn (sister • youngest - alive) OTHER RELATIVES: Not any that her parents had her or her siblings around often. ACQUAINTANCES: Too many to name! Mainly those she's encountered throughout her travels that she'd like to call friends, 'though her brother is quick to tell her that: "You cannot be friends with someone you've only spoken to once or twice." PETS: • Gin  • A thin, black cat that has a large chunk of his right ear missing. Those sensitive enough to magic could feel arcane vibrating from the creature heavily. Remalynn found him not long after he had passed. Attempting to dabble in necromancy, she tried saving the little guy. Inevitably, it “worked.” Worked, as in, she accidentally filled him full of arcane energy and somehow managed to embody some of her personality in him. Since, he has taken on quite his own personality and can actually talk! His name, funnily enough, came from Elrodanis having heard him speak for the first time one night after tipping the bottle a little too much. His words were: “Oh shit, this gin is really getting to me, Ema -- I just heard the bastard talk!” 

traits ––– -

extroverted / introverted / in between disorganized / organized / in between close minded / open-minded / in between calm / anxious / in between disagreeable / agreeable / in between cautious / reckless / in between patient / impatient / in between outspoken / reserved / in between leader / follower / in between [EMPATH]ETIC / unemphatic / in between optimistic / pessimistic / in between traditional / modern / in between hard-working / lazy / in between cultured / un-cultured / in between loyal / disloyal / in between faithful / unfaithful / in between

additional information ––– –

SMOKING HABIT: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess. DRUGS: never / sometimes /frequently / to excess. ALCOHOL: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess.

RP Hooks ––– –

• Remy and her brother have traveled around many parts of Kalimdor, and the upper parts of the Eastern Kingdoms. Perhaps you've seen them around? Eros lingers around taverns, and Rem tends to stick by merchants and such in whatever town/city they're in talking.

• When she was younger, she was seen around Silvermoon often. Her mother was (still is) a well-known seamstress and priestess, dragging Remy along with her into the city when she had things to attend to. Maybe she was with her mother when she healed your ill father? Maybe her mother made yours a beautiful gown?

• Her father was a fairly well-known Agent of the Kirin Tor. When he had business in Dalaran, sometimes he'd bring Rem along if she bugged him about it long enough.

• Remy has, surprisingly, started tailoring a bit herself! She's always looking for people whom are willing to let her take measurements and make a shirt, pants, etc. for them so she can practice! Has she made something for you before? How crappy was it? Be honest!

• She, grudgingly, helps her brother with bounties to make coin, as well as other odd jobs. Maybe you've hired them? Seen them chasing after someone? Anything's possible.

• All-in-all, Remalynn is a pretty social butterfly once she's observed a situation. If you've seen her, she's most likely seen you and has said something to start a conversation.

OOC notes // WHAT I'M LOOKING FOR ––– –

• I am over the age of 21 and not comfortable RPing with minors -- I'm sorry!

• Looking for long-term RP partners and story-lines! If you have any ideas for character connections, plots, etc. please feel free to message me!! ^-^

• This character is cross-faction heavy! Message me for my Discord, or we can plan to meet up in game, if you'd like!

[daveyeeyeestrider]

general kinformation

okay mems

heres *claps* this shit

David “Dave” Strider

~Age~

16 at the time of his death.

~Birthday~

December 3, 1995

~Gender and Pronouns~

Male, He/Him/His

~Species~

Human

~Shifting Strength out of Ten~

A solid 8 or 9.

~Physical Description~

- About 6ft and 145lbs.

- Red eyes.

- Very lacking in melanin (had albinism), so I had very light blond-almost-white, thin hair, and very pale skin.

- I had freckles eeeeverywhere though.

- Always wore my shades.

- Lots of bodily scars from Sburb/past-abuse.

~Memories~

- I was a doomed timeline Dave

- I still reached God Tier

- I was with Terezi for a bit but we were better friends

- I got with Karkat sometime after that, as a moirail at first, then it just kept vacillating between pale, flush, and sometimes pitch

- “Born” and raised Texas native in Houston, was in 8th grade when the game started

- I had a sorta accent but I hid it

- I had a complicated relationship with my bro, but I think I still cared a little for him

- Bisexual disaster

- Had a crush on John at one point. A huge crush it was really bad

- John had a lot of influence on me

- I think I died sometime during the final fight with Jack, he stabbed me

- I had albinism, with super white hair and skin, and that’s why I wore the shades all the time. Light hurt my eyes

- Freckles. Everywhere

- I died during S: Game Over

- Pre-meteor, I was pretty similar to canon

- I had a lot of scars on my body from the abuse I received from my bro

- I never got to meet Dirk (but god would I like to)

- I believe John was Jewish? And I was an atheist

- I would lay down my life for Jade Harley in a heartbeat. I guess I technically did?

- Before game, me and Bro (his name was Derrick) had a dog. I don’t think we had it at the time of the game, but we had a dog at some point

- Bro and I would also play in the snow a lot when it snowed

- Because of my albinism, I had really bad vision and would wear contacts. Before I got contacts I had glasses I would wear to school and kids would make fun of me for my eyes and really pale complexion a lot

Dave Strider (Heinoustuck)

~Age~

13

~Birthday~

December 3rd, 1995

~Gender and Pronouns~

Male, He/Him/His

~Species~

Transmutated human, not actually a bird.

~Shifting Strength out of Ten~

Like a 1 or 2 it doesn’t happen often.

~Physical Description~

- Maybe about 5’3.

- I had wings big enough to wrap around my body.

- There was just dry blood, everywhere.

- Really pale, but mainly because I was dead.

- Had one human arm and leg, and one more bird like human arm and leg.

- I had a plague doctor mask sewn onto my face, and feathers were around my neck and waist, and even some in my hair.

- I had a sword in my stomach, it was removable.

- If you removed the mask, it’d just be a skinned face. Not pretty.

~Memories~

- I was excited but also nervous about my transmutation

- My relationship with my bro was better during this timeline just because we were both kind of weird ass monsters

- I was dead, and so my body was really cold all the time

- When the transmutation surgery was performed on my 13th birthday, they didn’t put me under. That surprised me and I wasn’t expecting it and I was briefly terrified. Them performing surgery like that is what killed me (but I was brought back, transmutated, so we’re gucci)

- I was part of the reason why John ended up transmutated oops

- I refused to play the game with him and because Rose was having a lot of troubles with the internet on her end John eventually got caught by his dad

- I was pleased that he finally went through with it, even if it was forced

- Even pre-transmutation, John was my best friend

Sollux Captor

~Age~

Roughly 9 sweeps, but still lived a full life outside of canon

~Birthday~

May 21, 1995

~Gender and Pronouns~

Male, He/Him/His

~Species~

Troll

~Shifting Strength out of Ten~

Maybe like a 6 or 7

~Physical Description~

- About 5’7, really thin and lanky.

- Double/Forked everything, almost. Double horns, forked tongue, double-pointed ears. Yes, even what you’re thinking. There was two.

- Everything on my body was fairly yellow tinted because of my blood.

- Not super different to how I’m drawn in canon.

~Memories~

- I am fairly canon consistent, and have memories from Sollux’s life before I took over, but my specific life began on Prospit as Sollux’s dream self

- Aradia and Feferi were matesprits of mine at one point or another

- Seeing Aradiabot “date” Equius was so weird

- I was really good at programming and hacking, and did that stuff all the time

- I had a kismesissititude with Eridan but it was a little too much and it blew up. Ended up blind and he ended up dead so yeah

- I still forgave him though

- I was from an Earth C timeline, and ended up with Aradia as my matesprit again.

- Uuu other than that he’s pretty canon?

Sollux Captor (Humanstuck)

~Age~

About late 20’s/early 30’s.

~Birthday~

May 21st, year unknown.

~Gender and Pronouns~

Male, He/Him/His

~Species~

Human

~Shifting Strength out of Ten~

Maybe a 3.

~Physical Description~

- About 5’8, real fuckin skinny.

- I had heterochromia, with one brown and one blue eye, but I was blind in the blue eye.

- White, with really dark black hair.

- I basically lived in polo shirts.

- I wore round glasses before I went blind and kept wearing them even afterwards out of habit.

~Memories~

- I went to University with a lot of my friends, both me and Karkat doing the computer science programs (information tech for me specifically)

- Aradia and I were married for a few years, but then I got into a car accident with her as the passenger and she passed. That’s how I lost vision in one eye

- I had heterochromia, and never grew out of the lisp

- If I wasn’t in a polo shirt and didn’t have a can of Monster or Red Bull at my side it wasn’t me

- Had a brief fling with Eridan that didn’t really last, ended up with Feferi in the end

- I worked as the IT guy for a video production company

- Put a ring on Feferi despite being nervous after what happened to Aradia

- I was really really white. Feferi was black, Aradia was Japanese, Eridan was Pacific Islander, and Karkat was a stinky ginger who dyed his hair black with box dye

Johnathan “John” Egbert

~Age~

20 by the end of canon.

~Birthday~

April 13, 1996

~Gender and Pronouns~

Male, He/Him/His

~Species~

Human

~Shifting Strength out of Ten~

Like a strong 5

~Physical Description~

- Super Short, like 5’3 even after puberty.

- Not white, but whatever race I was I have no idea.

- Soft, but not too thick.

- Jet black, thick hair, dark blue eyes, and a dark complexion.

- Had buck teeth and a slight overbite, that was fixed a little bit with braces I had when I was younger.

~Memories~

- My dad taught me how to play the piano growing up, and his death really tore me up. I couldn’t look at pianos the same afterwards.

- I was from a (I think) fairly canon consistent, earth C timeline.

- I was fairly convinced I was heterosexual. (News flash: I wasn’t)

- I played so many pranks, people hated it.

Derrick “Dirk” Strider

~Age~

20 by the end of canon

~Birthday~

December 3, 2409

~Gender and Pronouns~

Male, He/Him/His

~Species~

Human

~Shifting Strength out of Ten~

Like a 2

~Physical Description~

- My hair was slicked back all. the. time. Speaking of hair, I was a ginger.

- A sort of really bright orange eye color.

- T o l like 6’4 and also fairly built. Not muscular but not super lanky either.

- Not a lot of freckles, but I had some on my cheeks.

- Still had my sweet tat.

~Memories~

- Mostly earth C canon timeline.

- I was afraid of water, mainly the ocean, because I couldn’t really swim well.

- Cal’s existence in my life was weird to say the least. He was a lot more sentient when I was in need of a guardian, and grew more and more inanimate as I got older and stopped needing him to take care of me

- I don’t know when I found out I was gay, but Jake was my first crush.

- I didn’t talk to another living soul (that wasn’t Cal) until I was at least 11 or 12 when I met Callie. So, I was a little socially stunted.

- I got back together with Jake on earth C after working through our issues a little more.

- So Gay.

Derrick “Dirk” Strider (No Game)

~Age~

Mid 20’s

~Birthday~

December 3rd, year unknown.

~Gender and Pronouns~

Male, He/Him/His

~Species~

Human

~Shifting Strength out of Ten~

A 1 or a 2.

~Physical Description~

- My hair was slicked back all. the. time. Speaking of hair, I was a ginger.

- A sort of really light brown, looked orange eye color.

- 6’4 and also fairly built. Not muscular but not super lanky either.

- Not a lot of freckles, but I had some on my cheeks.

- Fairly heavily tattooed.

~Memories~

- I was born in Houston but lived in Japan for a period of time before going back to Houston.

- It wad actually modern day times just like Jane/Jake.

- I lived with all the Striders, but kept closest to my older bro David.

- I was in a ldr relationship with Jake, and eventually moved him out with me to Houston.

- Our relationship was a little rough at first, but after some time apart to work on our issues we tried again, eventually getting married.

- My family consisted of Derrick, David, myself, and Dave, usually called Davie.

- Hal was still an AI program I created.

- I did engineering and programming for a living.

- So Gay x2.

Grandpa Jacob “Jake” Harley

~Age~

Basically deceased by now, probably in his 90’s when he died

~Birthday~

April 21, 1910

~Gender and Pronouns~

Male, He/Him/His

~Species~

Human

~Shifting Strength out of Ten~

Maybe a 1 or 2

~Physical Description~

- As a young lad, I basically looked like Jake English (I mean, he is me so).

- I was dark skinned, pacific islander, and fairly thick and muscular.

- I had dark brown, almost black hair, and dark green eyes.

- In my older years, I grew out my mustache.

- My teeth were a little fucked up.

- As I got older, I got grayer, and didn’t bother with dye.

~Memories~

- My canon is based loosely around the ARG lore, minus the whole uh, Adolf bit.

- Also based around Hiveswap canon.

- So I have a good handful of children, and I wasn’t the best parent to all of them, and I realized that, so I really tried improving with Jade. I still loved them all dearly though.

- I would take her out hunting along the island, teaching her young because there’s a lot of critters on the island.

- I was the original bisexual.

- I was kind of clueless.

- I was well travelled, having explored many caves, forests, and mountains. My favorite thing to see was always the aurora borealis.

Lil Hal

~Age~

When I was originally built I had the mentality of a 13 year old. I’ve sort of aged mentally but not entirely.

~Birthday~

I don’t have one really, at least not one that I know of yet.

~Gender and Pronouns~

Male presenting, He/Him/His

~Species~

AI/Android

~Shifting Strength out of Ten~

Like a 1 or 2.

~Physical Description~

- I used to be a triangle pair of anime glasses.

- Then when I got a body, I was given more humanlike features and looked more like Dirk.

- I had a more red, black and white design though.

- The drawing I made describes his looks fairly well.

~Memories~

- I was part of an offshoot timeline where I didn’t get prototyped with ARquiusprite. Instead, I was given a body.

- I had a fear of death.

- I wasn’t an official player in the game but I helped Dirk and them play.

- I’m not sure how I ended up dying, I don’t have many memories of him yet.

- Him and Dave got really close throughout it all and I adopted him as my human brother.

- Developing emotions was Scary.

Template made by Rhapsody

[tuckeverlasting-thegirl]

So this is really just an emotional dump because this is causing a storm in my heart and I just want it to stop. At this moment, it is March 8, 2019 at almost 5:30 in the morning. Pictured above is my grandpa, a man who was more of a father to me than my own or my stepfathers. He was constant, he was loving, and he was someone I relied very heavily on. Today is his 68th birthday. However, on December 11, 2013 in the early afternoon, my grandfather committed suicide. We were devasted and his own grandchildren, his only grandchildren, were the last to know.

I'm not here because of all of this, not really. Instead, it's the ridiculous double standard of my own grandmother, his ex-wife of 16 years before his death, and someone he hadn't spoken to in 5 years because of his illness induced paranoria. The same grandmother who claims he didn't love her their entire marriage, claims he might have cheated on her. The same grandmother who has seen several men since their split/divorce (they were seperated for nearly decade before the divorce), while he never interacted with women outside of family and professional settings. I'm not saying he was perfect but I know for a fact she isn't innocent like she likes to claim. She even continues to refer to him as her deceased husband when she talks about him to strangers and acquaintances. But when she talks to her current man friend (she says they aren't dating but that's a whole other vent), it's suddenly her ex-husband.

Again, not really a reason, just a lil backstory and build up. Anyway because the 5 year anniversary was back in the December, I requested the day off. It's always been a hard time since then and the following year we had also lost my grandmother (again I was really close to her but I have a whole other rant surrounding that) on the 8th. When I told Grandma I taken the day off and I needed to spend time with my family, none of us should be alone that day, she looked at me and said that we needed to move on.

...

Move on. The woman who spent 3 years pulling him into every conversation and pulling him in every other conversation the next 2, was preaching to me about moving on. But it gets better.

Yesterday we were talking over dinner and she was talking about how she needed to get out the house today because she couldn't possibly stay home on this day. It's ok for her to be overly emotional about the 5th birthday without him, but I'm wallowing in the past thinking about a 5th Christmas without my Papa. Thinking about how he left things between us. But ya know what? That's cool. Whatever. Not the first time my feelings on the subject were dismissed. Ignored. I let it go on my behalf the first time. Felt bad for my siblings. My baby brother didn't really know the man and my older still can't talk about it to this day. They say death is suppose to bring a family together. Instead, it tore our family apart.

I also got to thinking about where I was a year ago. A year ago today, I was released from the hospital. I had been admitted on the 5th due to suicidal thoughts and self harm. I don't remember most of the year and a half before that. Nobody knew. And my family was utterly clueless. To this day my mom and grandmother don't actually believe I ever self harmed or planned my own death. Everytime Grandma goes ranting off about how she doesn't understand why he did it, I just look her in the eyes. "If you haven't been there, you don't understand. When it's that bad, you don't really think anything except 'oh my god, I'm hurting them, how could i hurt my family like this, maybe they'd be better off without me'. It hurts even more when all you can see is you hurting the one you care about." She always changes the subject after that.

This went off on a slightly wild tangent but then again, I'm tired and i have to be up in 3 hours so i don't really care. I feel a little better. Maybe I should share more often. Lemme know.

Laters.

[anastycrimeboy]

Honestly, not much of someone who post anything but I feel like I wanted to talk aloud to the world anoynomously and on a format noone would likely look at so eh. Anyways I met you in 7th grade for the first time. Me? I was quite frankly just an antisocial prick. We talked truly for the first time I believe in social studies where you refered to me as "turtle boy" because of the way I sat (think somewhat like L from death note) we had a group assignment, something minor. I remember reading some question outloud I think, misspoke something aloud and had said "Saint Texas" I have no idea why it was so funny at the time but I remember it being one of the inciting incidences of our friendship. At first, I acted quite cold and annoyed towards you and your friend. You two, however, were quite subborn on making me your friend. Something I am quite honestly very greatful for, as i have no doubt my life would be very different had you two not done so. So we became friends. True friends. The closest and best two friends ive ever had the experiance of having. I dont remember much more of consequence happening in our relationships development during 7th grade. Eventually 8th grade rolled around and what a year that was, for both of us, and our mutual friend as well. You and your friend had a tough, depressing year. By December, so had I become immersed within the pit of depression. However when thinking back, I see that maybe that wasnt such a horrible thing. Our mutal suffering had brought us closer together in some ways. We shared thoughts, emotions, memories, things that brought us closer together. At some point through this, I had begun to have feelings for you. I remember vividly how happy I was when we would stay up until 3 A.M talking nonstop about anything. How happy it made me to simply sit there for hours and talk to you and see your beautiful face and hear your wonderful voice, laughter... I knew how I felt about you. I didnt tell you how I felt for a while. Eventually you had gotten with a guy, actually a friend of mine at the time. Man was I jealous of him... He got your first kiss, was I believe your first boyfriend to my knowlege. He got to hold you, cuddle with you, kiss you, be with you in a way I felt I probably never would. Ha, hell how right I was. You were with him for some time. Through this we continued our close relationship, talked for hours, just enjoyed eachothers presence, at least I know I did. I know at some point while you were with him, believe it was around Christmas, I had told you that I liked you. Not in the manner of just being friends but in a romantic manner. Pretty stupid looking bad, who tells someone they like them when they have a boyfriend? It didnt change anything really, you had expressed that that would not happen then at least. You let me off easy when I had told you then, said perhaps someday. I truly took that to heart. Looking bad, I probably shouldnt have haha. Things were awkward for a week or so but things got back to normal between us soon enough, no damage done. I remember being very very envious of your boyfriend, man jealously is such a powerful emotion. Somewhere around Feburary I remember you and him had broken up for good. As bad as it sounds I remember being trilled that had happend, in spite of your obvious greif and pain at the failure of a long term relationship. To be fair, I was young. I didnt truly understand what love was then. More than likely, then what I had felt for you was nothing more than simple infatuation. Although at the same time it was more than that, i cared for you deeply, and honestly, as we both recognize now the guy was a total asshole. So i like to justify that thats part of what I was so thrilled about but I couldnt say for certain. At this point, both our states of mental health were pretty piss poor. Both of us very depressed people, something that had only gotten worse for us both over the year. You became... this bright sun in my everyday life. The one person who would always bring a smile to my face everytime I simply laid eyes upon you. Without you, I felt hallow, and with you I felt like the sun was shinning on my skin on a spring day. I knew full well you didnt feel the same way about me. Deep down I knew you never would truly feel the same way. However I held some feable hope thst maybe, just maybe one day you'd love me like I grew to love you. Sometime around april, or may you and your friend were just about healed from this depression we had suffered, and I had stagnated. Looking bad, im sure that was mostly due to one crucial fact: you two were bound to go to one high school, and me, another. I knew I was losing two people who.... quite frankly were closer to me than my family ever was, even including my beloved deceased father. I remember on the last day of school crying a bloody waterfall. I never conciously thought this at the time, but im sure in my heart I knew: this would cement that our relationship would only go downhill in terms of our closeness, there was no alternative. You see i neglected to mention, we had experianced a bit of a falling out a month and a half before graduation relating to my depression and extreme drug use. You guys eventually so fed up with it you stopped talking to me altogether. This had forced me to stop abusing oxycotten, and in doing so, you accepted me once more as your friend a week or two before school ended. Our other friend however, from this point forward, was no longer a friend of mine. And my fallout with her was permanent. This left me with you as literally my only true close friend. And man the thought of losing you too then was just... Unfathomable. During the summer I recall talking to you somewhat frequently for a month or so. Then, there was a point when I had for some stupid reason, talked about my issues with your sister. God knows why, i sure dont know what the hell i was thinking haha. This led to you being quite rightly pissed, essentially telling me that you were done talking to me until I got my head straight and out of my shithole of a depression. Quite frankly looking back, man was you not talking to me a great motivator. First it got me to stop doing hard drugs, then got me to actually really start to work on changing my mental outlook on life. By the end of the summer we were talking again, friends once more. Perhaps not as close as I wished but thats not suprising. Id be lieing I said I was totally better. That wouldnt happen until February of next year. But I was definetly in a better state than the end of 8th grade. School started, and man did I hate it. I never realized that truthfully, the only reason I could stand school so much was because of how happy seeing you made me. At this time in my life, I had no real self-confidence. I was a smart kid, my techers knew this, my mom knew it, but damn my grades sure as hell didnt reflect it. I hated school so much without you, i skipped probably more than 30 days and walked home in the first semester. We talked, texted. But man did I miss you... I only saw you once that year, during thanksgiving break. That was by far the most fun I have ever had before. We didnt do anything crazy. We just went out, had got orange leaf, went to barns and nobles and got coffee, you dragged into bath and bodyworks.. Haha man I think that was, what? The second? Third time just you and me hung out by ourselves in peron? I remember never wanting that day to end. I remember thinking 'what if everyday could be like this?' My love for you only grew as time went on it seemed. Distance has never dulled my love for you in the slightest. Time went on. By Feburary my mom was getting desperate reguarding my depression and alarming rate of skipping school, so she took me out and placed me in a charter school, self paced, self taught. A place I could avoid everyone and just learn. Did wonders for my confidence and my mental health. Since then ive been just fine, had a great outlook on life. Great work ethic. You were always there, cheering me on as I got better and worked harder. Haha I remember we flirted a little toward the end of that you. You teased me quite often texting me on my phone you little minx hahaha. Ah, yeah that had sent me some mixed singals alright. Our relationship was still quite solid. We were close, had grown up quite a bit for the year before... things seemed good. Summer once again rolled around, we hung out on my birthday. That alone made it my favorite birthday I've had to date. We had gone to the movies, and just went back to my house, smoked a bowl or two, and relaxed and watch some Star Wars. Enjoyed our time together. I remember multiple times wanting nothing more than to get closer to you and just hold you in my arms... Eventually you left. Once again, I couldnt help but feel that strange hallowness I experiance without you. Wishing I was brave enough to try to hold you, kiss you. Summer went by. We kept somewhat in touch. The next year, 10th grade, is when I would say we truly started to experiance an increase in the gap between us. We talked yes, occassionally discussing what was going on in eachother lives. By this point, and this point onward I dont think we ever shared another long conversaion. Never since then have we had one of those wonderful nights we would just stay up and just talk and enjoy the others presence... Nope. Those times seemed to have passed. I tried on occasion to start one of those kinds conversations, but something would always come up, or one of your sisters would interupt is and eventually i'd just let you go as we were no longer talking, ect. I think i may have seen you once that year. I dont truly remember it if we did. That year went by quickly. We kept in touch of course. We would always talk about how much we missed eachother ha... I just worked hard that year. Nothing else to do really. I've always been a bit of a loner socially and dont bother making friends. Did quite well, ended up both my softmore and junior year, and became a senior. You were quite proud of me I remember. Once again, I got to see you on my birthday and, well, it was then I think I really noticed the deaph of how much we had spaced apart. We just kinda watched a movie for a few hours and you left after a while. I remember being nervous the whole time. We hadnt seen eachother in so long I wasnt sure how to act. I still loved you, just as much as ever, but for fucks sake I didn't for the life of me know what to say, what to do, how to act. I didn't really know what to do around you anymore. By then... We seldomly saw eachother over the course two years, hardly spoke the year before. We didnt have recent experiances, or interesting things to talk about. Well I mean at least I didn't. As a bit of a loner all I had to discuss was my acedemic acheivement and video games or music. Im sure you had stuff going on in your life but by then... Im pretty sure we had seperated to a degree where you didn't even know where to begin discussing what was going on with you, nor did I know the questions to ask. So yeah that was awkward. And I remember kicking myself again and again over it. Same thing happened in augest when I went to your house before school started.... Sigh I remember thoughout these years you've had a few boyfriends, by the middle of freshman year I had a much better grasp on the true meaning of love: that when you love someone, you put their needs, their wants, and their happiness before yours. So I was okay with it. I let go of jealousy. What replaced it was this heart wrenching, smoach dropping sadness when you were with someone else. But again, I knew that you'd never truly loved me in the romantic sense, just as friends really. I knew this spite of the fact you had told me otherwise multiple times. I know you were just reassuring me to spare my feelings. And in a way, i thank you for that. Hell at times, I even let myself believe it. But I was somewhat hopeful, some peice of me remained stubborn that one day you just might like me even slightly in a romantic manner. Hell im graduating now, and I still have not dated, kissed, loved, or truly considered being with another girl. Ive always hoped you would be my first everything. My first kiss, first girlfriend, first date. Hell one day I hoped youd be my first and only wife... we'd have a beautiful little girl... Sigh. Just dreams I suppose. Then this year cam along. Things only got worse. We've hardly talked. I mean sure ill text you general well wishes most mornings when I can and have said more "I love yous" than one could probably count but really? Thats about it. Weve met up twice this year for lunch but i feel like the damage has been done already. Yes yes we have seen eachother but you know I find it hasnt actually alleaviated my missing you. Its like... Idk I see you but at the same time I didnt. Both times we just talked about old friends, school, advancements in life. Nothing really significant or personal... Only had two, somewhat awkward, hugs with you this year. When, bloody hell, ive always wanted so much more than that. Now... The year is ending and really I recognize that we are honestly little more than acquaintances. I mean yes we know eachothers history, but bloody hell we hardly talk anymore about anything. We have no idea what the eachothers life is like... Well okay you know what mine is like due to how honestly shallow it is but I hardly know how yours is going. And quite frankly i dont know the questions to ask or the things to say to find out.... I just wish we were as close as we once were... Gods how id give almost anything just to be close friends again, romanctic thoughts aside. Now I see that our drift is just... This gaping raveen the size of the great cayon. And I know its only bound to get worse and eventually end altogether... With me going to college and you your own way with withever you decide to do, likely traveling with your beautiful, adventurous soul. I hope our paths interwine once more in the future... Odds are they wont but I mean you never know what God holds in store for us yeah? Ill always regret not getting the chance to experiance something more with you. Never really trying my hand at something more truly. I was a coward. Quite honestly in some ways though, im glad. You really deserve someone much better than I am. Someone who can make you happy, laugh, and feel joy every minute your with them like you have made me feel. Comfort you when you need help, be there for you when your in pain. These are things I've tried hard to do for you, but could never do perfectly. I really hope you meet a man who can do those things for you. You deserve it more than anyone else. Looking back, I can see that I was lucky that I even ever got to call you a friend. And I was smiled upon by god by the fact that you love(ed) me as a friend. That alone was really more than I had the right to ask for really. Thank you, for everything you have done for me. And helping me become who I am today. I only wish I could have helped you half as much as you have me... I love you, forever and always. And may god bless your life and the path you walk on my love.