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startwithbrooklyn · 3 years ago

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THE GREAT ND REWATCH OF 2021 / SEPTEMBER 30, 2019 // larkspur lane/the whisper box

this post is a double whammy cause they have 2 eps happen in the same day if u can believe it (thats how awful judging timelines in this show is!!)

-"hi josh..." LMAOOOOOOO

-BESS just breaking in lmaooo how many god damn times does bess just shit the bed in this show

-LOVE her frowny face at nancys closet ("my expectations are low" lmfaoooo but this would totally be me)

-"bet she meant it metaphorically" okayyy but then why did lucy say that at all? i feel like theres defo more to this story, combined with josh's cagey behavior (part of which is to get nancy to stop looking into shit d/t him and karen but still)

-"they dont accept visitors unless they're family" .....🙂

-ace "youre really good at that" to bess i fuckin love this friendship with all my heart (also love their talk at the claw mirroring nick & nancys talk in the last ep)

-also PINK AND ORANGE BESS ARE U BLIND (also 1) why tf would nancy own this and 2) where would she wear it??)

-okay wtf is vampire dip

-"boss??" see this is what i meant yesterday about nancy ruining everything for nick/george

-god DAMN she sucks at dealing with this news lmaooo that emotional competency babey + love george literally agrees to help bc she feels bad (AND nicks immediate look of "you just reprimanded me for helping her last ep and i know why youre doing this rn" lmaoooo)

-LOVE george noticing nick "shout out to jean valjean" lmaooo once again nancy would never have noticed/commented on something like that

-"get the hell out of here" was this foreshadowing for an epic dad joke for these two eps? "how do you make holy water? you boil the hell out of it" 😂😂😂😂

-so what i dont get about the whole haunting is the ball + kids' laughter but its all the emphasis on "mr roper" the adult? wtf like what kind of entity is this

-"how did you ever have a solo career??" 😂

-okay amaya's hair is gorgeous here (also "you feel like a snack" ....👀) *ahhh so the reason bess feels so off balance is bc its like a top vs a top scenario

-has anyone who's ever been to prison confirmed this is what it looks like?

-love how ace is the only employee there when they all leave so he had to fucking close the place when he goes

-why does she take the whole file? time constraints? it'd be smarter to take pics + replace it (better sleuthing) but this place is clearly not well run anyway 😂

-so this is a pretty decent cover she invents but theres no way she would get away with it so easily for a real guard

-love how ace recognizes ryan's car (+ is able to find it by driving around)

-"my father wouldnt do anything like that" LMFAOOOOOO SIS WHY ARE U DEFENDING HIM ironically, ace is actually the best person suited to engage w ryan here d/t the car accident + connection with laura being ryans SIL. its a unique set up

-i am fascinated by the concept of priests + holy water being so effective here combined with mcginnis' beliefs and basically nondenominational ghosts/seances etc after that. the show is very clearly big on diversity but definitely steers clear from too much WASP stuff yk? wonder if other stuff from christianity works against the ghosts/demons like taking refuge in a church "holy ground" or using silver etc

-"did this start after the night of sept 10?" *this is where you get the time line for the seance if you didnt know

-this is so fucking funny when u realize that patient sal talks to is actually a ghost so sal really is psycho i guess 😂

-bitchsplain/tall jar of mayonnaise 🙏🏻😌 2gether 4ever

-how did ace get this van? also heart attack when he yells at carson (but then grins at him like a goofball lmaooo)

-"for nancys sake and yours" damn she owes ace big time for all this shit

-"what do we do for 7 minutes?" ...ummm play 7 minutes in heaven lmaooo 👀🥵

-was not expecting ace to look this sexy holding an axe but okay (*ah, its his short sleeve shirt showing his arms. usually hes a sleeves guy)

-"desperate for attention" nancy (from gomber) vs "bc she's starved for attention" patrice --> lucy (and candace also...) we know nancys detective work makes her seem like an attention seeker, but what was lucy doing to make them all think that? she was trying to hide her relationship with ryan, not expose it. unless they just mean the rumors about her?

-so is patrice hiding lucy's "truth" talking about lucy being a whore or lucy being a ghost? what is lucy's secret? did patrice guess she was pregnant or did patrice's somehow garbled mind remember tiffany trying to show patrice the video with lucy on it?

-wonder what captain thom thinks of this stand off w ace lmaooo

-"like you do?" top v top shenanigans

-how awko for carson to talk to karen again like this

-"oh no" ACE 😂

-love how amaya says "be a human" like shes kind of admitting people in rich circles typically arent (^this is an interesting focus in s2 when bess's rich family rejects her, thus making her human again, but nancy embraces her rich fam and experiences subsequent moral struggle which is predicted with the wraith)

-wonder what ryan thinks he could get from the marvins (which he cant get now lmaooo)

-this damn whisper box. so many questions. who named it the whisper box? why are the ropers' old possessions still there? who decided to build a mental hospital on top of it? and patrice! she "hid lucy's secrets" hannah gruen thinks tiffany tried to show patrice video w lucy on it, which patrice then specifically says she hid in the thin mans book. so patrice knows of the thin man? can she see him? does she know he was a ghost/supernatural? she must have a supernatural sense to know about him (unless sal told or some shit) so then when tiffany shows up w/ lucy being supernatural in it patrice hides it to protect her? is this why she is "crazy" kinda like victoria? supernatural elements or ability to sense ghosts makes her unstable? this is why lucy being a ghost/nursery rhyme that she repeats makes patrice worse/"stroke"? how did patrice even get into the whisper box to put the key in the bible and get out without getting trapped? also, her dementia --> lucidity is really fucking off, some people mildly switch like that but usually with dementia they cant even register new shit anymore

-...so did bess take the ride? 👀

-interesting how celia says "your father will be disappointed" but nothing of her own opinion. wonder how much celia truly puts up with to keep everett calm and nonhomicidal

-like george asking nick follow up questions that nancy never really would have asked

🥞🥞🥞(ep13)🥞🥞🥞

-is this bitch just eating a plain pancake with her bare hand?

-"extra case load and excessive volunteering" ugh. nancy's family here are like, gross in how "good" of people they are // unrealistic, trying to paint carson in the best light/ no way ryan could ever compare (but the reality is theyre not that good of people for lying about nancy) **and shes arrogant to think shes better than everyone else ie the only one who truly lives virtuously, thinks she can do no wrong sometimes even tho using sex to cope, breaking and entering, etc is not morally "good" stuff she still thinks she is the only one who doesnt lie and plays fair (like in the pilot she lists everyone else as a suspect but herself- obviously we know she isnt guilty but no one else does. (i mean in theory we really dont, what if nancy was an unreliable narrator and was actually guilty, that would be a hella cool show)its reactions like that where she cant understand why others like the chief suspect her

-ooooh ironic that in the Good Place carson readily agrees to pay her for helping with cases as opposed to s2 in reality

-nick's house has "problems" so why does he need a lawyer? as opposed to an interior designer, plumber, or realtor?

-in the Good Place nick and george realize they are not going to work out after one date. does this failure in the Good Place predict failure in reality, or merely an easier way of figuring out the truth? does this mean that the "opposite" of the Good Place is reality, or only an opinion of what is better? (nancy says "you all like me" as her opinion of them liking her is skewed; does this then only reflect nancys version for what is the "perfect life"?)

-why is bess a hippie??? and love how george curls her hair and wears pink lipstick here

-if this dream is so realistic then why is the one thing it cant conjure smoke? like how random

-love the locket being a key realization bc with things like jewelry you dont notice the weight of them until theyre gone

-"you all like me" in her perfect life nancy means they "like" her objectively/regardless of circumstance even though liking her is still an objective choice (like they "like" her because of other reasons instead of her working at the claw? (like how you make friends with coworkers/people at school every day but after you leave the job/graduate you never speak to them again) and her "thanks for showing up!" as if theyre not doing exactly that in reality 😐like where is she getting this shit? she sort of acknowledges in earlier eps she is hard to like/that she puts mysteries before friends, but also pushing them away to avoid danger like the previous ep "why do u show up" etc

-is it just me or does the inside of nicks "house" look like the drews'?

-nick has a dick scar lmaooooo (or more likely was hit in the balls or smth)

-love how nick + george match their anger in confronting sal 100% on the same level

-so when did ace go back to work after having such a busy day earlier?? lmaooo

-damn father shane is a creep (casting defo hired him for his voice) and how tf did he just poof + escape? and what did he request???

-love bess's white hair bow here 😌+ her jacket, whole outfit on point as usual

-like how bess is right that nancy has to find her way out but thats kind of a nonstarter for a room full of panicked people wanting to help

-in the Good Place theres no bad blood between drews + hudsons bc nancy is really theirs

-"the only one who has the key is you" in the Good Place nancy has the key (smaller picture, to finding out what happened to lucy but bigger picture, post-reveal) but ryan has the clues nancy needs- following the Good Place's mirroring, this just means that in reality ryan will either be completely useless or an active hindrance (but you KNOW this is a dream bc in what universe would ryan remember clues like that 😂)

-so in a perfect universe ryan acknowledges his family's "criminal empire" as opposed to reality where he only makes under cover jabs about disengaging with being an "entitled corrupt legacy criminal" ie finding the bonny scot relics but does nothing about them, etc

-"strippers" 😂

-okay what is nancys obsession w her beanie?? bc her mom made it? "wear beanies do crimes?" idk

-making the call: nancy -unable to make up for lost time/both her mothers had to find out/suffer alone / in the Good Place nancy was able to be with kate while she called, and in reality she had carson; somethig about seeing the mother looking to the daughter for strength in the Good Place instead of the reverse (which is what reality sounded like, kate being strong for nancy through the illness despite the struggle)

-concept: nancy & nick "let's wait out the storm"

-"i believe that you believe it" nick in the Good Place + owen in reality both trust nancy when she says she's seen things (owen's is the teeth) but nick in reality (and not really knowing details) doesnt think much of their "moment" bc it wasnt real (so she had to leave the Good Place to save carson- but if she had known then he wasnt her real dad, would she have stayed to be w nick?)

-stranger - suede james 💙👌🏻

-"really anxious as a kid" v telling bc of her desire to know everything to remain in control of situations like she always does now

-"the medicine or the metaphysics?"/"you cannot beat supernatural with science"

-i love nancy playing with her pinky while saying goodbye 🥺

-"always seek out the truth even if it hurts" this is straight irony bc kate never told nancy anything. like does that include the truth about nancys parentage? they taught her to seek out the truth, but who taught her that the truth is the only thing to live by? ie things dont count anymore like carson and kate straight up raising her is tossed out bc she finds out its not "the truth" like all that work/stress to protect carson + she just drops him? with kate maybe shes just upset thst she spent all that time mourning for someone who lied. and would she do the same to ryan if needed? probably

-bess and ace head tilt 💙

-like how for all the time she spent there nancy only has a subconscious memory of blue curtains

-YESSSSS i LOVEthese beautiful overhead shots of hannah's hands. so out of character for the show lmao but so gorgeous

-i feel like future eps/grand future will be nancy going through the lock boxes to help people who asked hannah for help

-the video is officially dated Aug 22, 2019

-soooooo in the first ep nancy breaks into the hudsons house and finds tiffanys secret drawer w the nail polish and finds the amulet with a note that says "for your protection HG" yet on this video tiffany says she talked to a medium who gave her the amulet sooooo am i just confused? HG is hannah gruen obvi so is the address for the medium what hannah gave her? or was the address on the amulet which nancy dissolved in salt water to see? so how would tiffany know where to go? its chicken and the egg which came first hannah or the medium?

and lastly:

i close these two eps with a thought that everything in this show is sealed in death. all the lies, the imagery, the fake constructs people put up to get by all crumple the second someone dies- all the secrets come clean just like these doors have been unsealed.

#brooklyn's ND primer #nancy drew cw #the Great Rewatch of 2021 #you best start believing in ghost stories miss drew - you're in one

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ehstarwar · 4 years ago

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flesh stays no farther reason (1/6)

Great, she thinks, another horny creep trying to entice young women to hop into bed with them for roughly 30 seconds.

She reads the post anyways.

Five times Ben looks for Rey and the one time she finds him.

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 5K

Read on AO3

Notes:

my brain at 2a.m., assuring me that it'll be a one-shot: for the lady, perhaps a salad?

me, 5,000+ words in and only on their first meeting: [chuckling] perhaps not

what's to come is still unsure

She sees it on Reddit.

She doesn’t normally scroll through the website (certainly not subreddits like this) but she’s bored and can only take the same Buzzfeed quizzes so many times.

She’s not sure what led her to this page, how the rabbit hole of the internet made her search r/mseekingfcorusant but here she was, scrolling through the disjointed thoughts of horny guys in her area.

Posted by u/droidwrangerl88

need hot girl to bang. serious inquiries only.

Posted by u/mycumtastelikesarlacc

Any girls in the Coruscant area looking to hook up this evening? 38M seeking mid-20sF. Will split hotel bill.

Posted by u/hotbountyhunter3483

any females interested in shredded guy for an evening? willing to meet for drinks b4 hand, and will pay for ur drinks if ur hot. (943) 349-9684 ;)

Rey finds it consistently astonishing how gross and vulgar men can be when hidden behind a screen. But she is scrolling on this page out of her own free will, so it does seem a little ‘pot-calling-the-kettle-black-ish.’ Just as her finger goes to press back to the home-screen, a tiny blue bubble appears at the top of the page, indicating that there has been a new post made. Great, she thinks, another horny creep trying to entice young women to hop into bed with them for roughly 30 seconds.

She reads the post anyways.

Posted by u/KyL0_R3N

31M seeking similarly aged F for the evening of 05/17. I have an important meeting on the 18th and sex the night before proves to a good luck charm for me. Nothing too crazy or obscene, fairly vanilla to start off with, but willing to go further based on her desires.

Something in Rey clenches.

It’s by far the most eloquently phrased way of asking for sex that she’s seen thus far. He seems straightforward, which is refreshing, but she knows that the best of psychopaths are good at hiding their true intention.

She clicks to his profile.

He seems interested in pretty common threads. Cooking tips, best laundromats in Coruscant, Galaxy Battles discourse; all innocuous and nothing to indicate he would chop up whoever responds to his post. Maybe that’s why she sends him a message.

From u/R3yoflight

why not just download tinder?

everyone on tinder is looking for sex too.

She bites her lip as she presses send. It’s not the best conversation starter, she’s aware, but their semi-introduction was from him posting about wanting to have sex to preform well in a meeting. Formalities can be forgone, in this particular situation. It’s not like she’s trying to impress him either; she didn’t message him to accept is offer, just merely because she’s curious.

There’s a pang of nervousness when she hears the notification sound out that he’s responded.

From u/KyL0_R3N

There’s too much preamble on dating apps.

Also, I’m looking to have sex, not to date.

It seemed more advantageous

to be straightforward.

From u/R3yoflight

hmmmm

i guess that makes sense

(also advantageous is worth 17 points in

scrabble, so kudos)

have you gotten many interested respondents?

From u/KyL0_R3N

You’re the first.

From u/R3yoflight

who says i’m interested???

From u/KyL0_R3N

Well, you are the one who messaged me?

Also, my post has been up for only a few minutes,

so you’re the first respondent in any capacity.

From u/R3yoflight

oooohhh i feel special ☺️✨

From u/KyL0_R3N

You’ve yet to tell me if you’re interested.

Is she?

Is she really considering letting Mr. KyL0_R3N fuck her after meeting him through a publicly placed internet post and knowing next to nothing about him?

From u/R3yoflight

maybe??

idk v much abt u yet

how do i know ur not a serial killer

or that u actually are who u say u are

which u haven’t yet

said who u are, that is

From u/KyL0_R3N

I’m 31M. I work in Coruscant at a tech company.

I’m 6’3, 190lbs. I’m not a killer in any capacity.

You haven’t told me anything about yourself,

which hardly seems fair.

From u/R3yoflight

24F, 5’6, i’m not telling u my weight

i work at an auto shop downtown so i can

kick ur ass if ur lying abt not being a killer

From u/KyL0_R3N

In order to kick my ass, we’d have to meet.

So, are you interested or not?

From u/R3yoflight

i shouldn’t be

From u/KyL0_R3N

I have the distinct feeling that you are.

Am I right?

From u/R3yoflight

...

yeah

He tells her his name is Kylo Ren, which she thinks sounds stupid and made up, but doesn’t press him. They hammer out some more details, agreeing to meet at the bar of a swanky hotel downtown first, and if all goes well, he’ll have a room reserved for them.

When she tells him that she can’t afford to pay any of the room, he dismisses her flippantly with a quick ‘I’ll take care of it’ that makes her chest feel tight.

They don’t talk much after that, only a message from her a few days before hand, making sure the plan was still on, and an affirmative from his side. But a few hours before they’re supposed to meet up, Rey gets a notification from him. It distracts her from the task at hand (precision shaving of her legs and… other parts), causing a knick on the back of her calf.

From u/KyL0_R3N

While I don’t think that we’ll be doing

anything that would require

a safe word, I’d like to have one in case.

From u/R3yoflight

i’ve never had a safe word.

what’s a good one?

From u/KyL0_R3N

It doesn’t have to be anything special.

We can stick to a traditional scale.

Green means you’re good.

Yellow means slow down.

Red means to stop entirely.

Does that work?

From u/R3yoflight

yeah thats good

why don’t you think that we won’t be doing

anything to justify a safe word?

you planning to go easy on me 😈

From u/KyL0_R3N

That depends, sweetheart.

How far are you willing to go?

Rey thinks for a moment. She should have some hard lines set, especially since he’s a total stranger. In fact, she shouldn’t be fucking a stranger at all. But she was in this far, so she may as well go all in.

From u/R3yoflight

i’m not super into choking but a lil breath play

is okay

no extreme bondage or degradation

maybe at some point but just… not now

anything in my ass will require a lot of work

before hand bc not much has been in there.

any hard no’s 4 u?

i’m on birth control so u can come inside me

if you want

From u/KyL0_R3N

I think we should stick to no

bondage/degradation/breath play for now

I’m not super into those anyways.

I’ll keep that in mind about your ass.

Maybe nothing in my ass. For now.

That about covers my no’s.

What are some of you hard yes’s?

From u/R3yoflight

i like being taken control of, dominated, i guess

kissing is big for me but i get it if u don’t like it

also major daddy kink but that can be

controlled if its not ur thing

what do u like

From u/KyL0_R3N

Very much yes to that Daddy kink and kissing.

I lean towards dom anyway, so that should work out.

I like hickeys. Giving and receiving.

I also have pretty good stamina, just a warning.

From u/R3yoflight

i like a man with good stamina ;)

u gonna wear me out tonight? 😈

From u/KyL0_R3N

Yes. Yes I am.

She gets there late. Unlike every other time she runs late for something, this time is purposeful. If he gets angry with her, she’ll know to leave. And she’s counting on that. Him giving her a reason to leave. She needs it so she doesn’t do something stupider than what she’s already doing now.

But when she arrives and see’s the absolute mammoth of a man, with long-is black hair and moles and big ears, Rey just knows she’s in for it.

He stands when he sees her. Realistically she knew that 6’3 was tall, but it’s still a bit shocking to her. One of his gargantuan hands is holding a beer, the other resting on the back of the chair. She spends a second too long admiring his form, earning a knowing-but-slight smirk from him.

“You’re Kylo.” It’s an unnecessary statement, because who else could he be, but one that is said all the same.

“And you’re Rey.”

His fucking voice. It’s too beautiful to be addressing her, she’s sure of it.

“Work ran over, that’s why I’m late.” She wasn’t going to give him an excuse, but the words fall out of her mouth.

“I’m familiar with that myself. It’s no trouble, really.” He holds the chair out for her, and she gracefully takes a seat. A server comes around and takes her drink order of a club soda before scurrying off.

“Nothing to relax the nerves?” He question, taking a sip of his drink.

“I prefer to have a clear head for…” She trails off. What does this qualify as? A hook-up? A booty-call? A job interview?

“Good girl.”

Her breath stops for a moment before she remembers its necessary to survive.

“You said you work for a tech company downtown; is it close?” She asks, hoping she sounds passive.

“Not far. I need to be close for tomorrow.” He never looks away from her; it makes her sweat.

The server comes back with her drink, and Rey takes a giant gulp, just for something to preoccupy her mouth.

“You said you work for an auto shop downtown. What do you do there?” He asks, eying her hands curiously. Rey worries that he’ll realize she wasn’t actually at work if her hands aren’t greasy, so she hides them under the table.

“I’m a mechanic,” She tells him, sitting up straighter.

“You’re…” He begins, but she cuts him off.

“A woman mechanic, yes. It’s not entirely uncommon.”

“I was going to say young.” She bites her lip. His voice doesn’t sound like its chastising her, but she feels bad all the same.

“Most men are uncomfortable with the fact that I know more about cars than them.” Rey doesn’t know why she continues to challenge him, but his reactions always surprise her.

It’s… nice.

“Do I seem like I’m uncomfortable by that?”

She regards him. “No, but you did proposition anyone with computer access, so I think your threshold for uncomfortable must be very high.”

He doesn’t laugh, per se, but the corners of his mouth lift and his cheeks become tight. She smiles at the sight.

“Seems that we’re both very bold. A female mechanic and an online propositioner. We make for quite a pair.”

“Hopefully that means the sex will be good.”

Kylo Ren does smile at that.

His hand is on the small of her back when they get in the elevator and Rey is actively trying to ignore the fluttering in her gut, which is why the words blurt out of her.

“My roommate knows where we are!” It’s a loud noise in an otherwise quiet area, but Kylo doesn’t seem startled by it. He just looks down at her. “I have to be back at the apartment, in person, by noon tomorrow or she’s calling the cops.” Rey is quieter now but her voice still shakes.

“My meeting is at 10, so you’ll have plenty of time to get back to your place. I can have my driver drop you off there, if you like,” He says.

“Thats… not why I’m telling you. But that you. I mean, my roommate will know if something bad happens to me. So it would be wise of you to not kill me.” Rey gulps.

Kylo’s hand comes to her face and brushes a piece of hair behind her ear.

“I’m not going to hurt you, Rey.” His voice is soft. “I’m not going to kill you, or hit you, or do anything you don’t want me to do.” She’s facing him now. “If you feel uncomfortable, I wouldn’t be mad. You can leave whenever you want.”

“But what do you want? You’ve asked me what I’ve wanted in every interaction we’ve had, but all I know is that you want to fuck somebody so that you’re not nervous or whatever tomorrow. Do you even want me? Or was I just the first person who responded to you post? It goes both ways, ya know. You need to tell me what you want, too.”

His hand brushes the side of her jaw, his eyes trail down her face, no doubt seeing the nervous expression she wears.

“I want you, Rey.”

His lips are on hers the moment the door is shut. His hand cradles the back of her head as he shoves his body against hers, pinning her to the wall. His other hand grips her hip and will definitely leave a bruise. She loves it.

But his warm, wet mouth on hers with his plush, pink lips makes any coherent thought leave her head. She moans into his mouth, hands trying desperately to pop open the buttons of his shirt. She makes a sound of frustration when the last stubborn button won’t come undone, and his hands are there in an instant, ripping the thing straight off. She slides her hands along his toned chest as his tongue invades her mouth. When her hands venture further south, they find the more than impressive bulge straining against his slacks.

“I should’ve… asked you earlier…” He says into her mouth as he sucks off the remaining shirt and suit jacket, “if you… like�� dirty talk.” Rey keens against him, forcing his mouth to go to her neck as she breathes out a chant of ‘yes, yes, yes.’

Kylo makes a noise of approval before hoisting her into his arms. Rey’s legs instinctively wrap around his hips as he walks them towards the bed.

“Good, because it would be a shame not to be able to tell you that I can’t wait to taste your cunt.”

Rey has died.

She has died and gone to whatever afterlife will have her.

She never wants to leave it.

“You… don’t… you don’t have to…” She manages to say between kisses. Kylo pulls back from her then, eyes dark, hair a mess, lip red and bitten.

“I want to. Will you let me?” Rey nods so fast she’s worried her neck will be sore. His hands ruck up her cotton dress, until he decides that the offending material will need to be off all together. She’s left in her black bralette and underwear and Kylo stares down at her.

“My tit’s aren’t that big. I’m sorry if you were looking forward to-”

“They’re perfect,” He cuts her off by kissing down her chest, mouthing her nipples through the dark fabric. The heat of his mouth combined with the coolness of the room make her nipples stand at attention, pebbling at the fabric.

Kylo depends further, and puts his entire face against her still-clothed pussy, inhaling and licking her through the fabric. Rey is a whiny mess against the sheets, hair in every direction, full body blush. She hopes he thinks she’s hot because, god, she’s never sen anyone like him.

Kylo takes of her panties and immodestly begins lapping at her cunt, no warning or hesitation, making Rey give something of a moan and a yelp. Her hand goes to his hair, feeling the luscious locks between her fingers. His hands go to her ass, lifting her up slightly so he gets a better angle.

“You’re… too good… at this…” She manages between breaths. Rey would bet anything he’s smirking against her.

Kylo uses his nose to rub at her clit before alternating between kitten licks and sucking on it. It takes no time at all for Rey to come. So quickly, in fact, that she would be embarrassed if she could move. Her whole body is on fire as he licks her through it, occasionally using a hand to brush at her nipples. The tears streaming out of her eyes and drool gathering at the corner of her mouth must make her look ghastly, but Kylo doesn’t seem to mind.

When he finally sits back, still between her legs, she can make out the bulge from earlier, now even more prominent.

He’s looking down at her, at the mess he’s made of her, and against every instinct, she lets him.

“I don’t normally come that fast,” she tells him. Her voice is quiet even now, and she knows it’ll be strained tomorrow. Good, something to remember him by.

“It won’t take me that long to come, either,” he admits, having the kindness to look sheepish as he says it.

“Then what are you waiting for?”

Kylo represses a smile.

He gets off the bed, shucking his pants, underwear, and socks off in one felt swoop, leaving him gorgeously bare before her. If she though the bulge was impressive, the real thing is even better. His cock is red and pointed upwards as he stands across from her. His hand goes to pump himself a few times, smearing the precome along his length. Rey can’t help but reach out, whole body going with her as she opens her mouth to bring Kylo towards her. His hand stops her, gently, and she looks up at him in confusion.

“I want to suck you off,” She tells him, brows still furrowed.

“Later,” he tells her.

Kylo pulls her back up the bed with him, so that he hovers over her as he kisses her again. She still taste herself on him, but can’t find the heart to care. Her hands go to wrap around him, feeling the thickness for herself. Huge is an understatement. But Rey’s always been ambitious.

She pumps him a little, feeling him nearly whimper in her mouth.

“You gonna let me fuck you, baby?” he murmurs.

“Yes… yes please…”

Rey feels his hand come over hers as Kylo slots himself between her legs and aligns his cock to her core. He slides in, slowly, stretching her the whole way. She pants against his skin, digs her nails into his shoulder.

“Tell me if it’s too much.” His voice sounds strained, like he’s holding back from her.

“It’s good, daddy… so good…” she pants.

He whines some curses against her skin as he finishes seating himself inside of her.

“… so good, sweetheart. Takin’ me so well… taking your daddy so well,” He mumbles, pressing kisses to any part of her skin. Rey can already feel the beginning of another orgasm itch inside of her, and for the first time in a while, she has no doubt that Kylo will get her there.

“Daddy… you can move… please,” She’s breathless as she asks him. He groans above her and rest his forehead against hers.

His hips being to move, still slow, but making her breath hitch ever shallow thrust.

“Tight… so tight for me…” He mumbles. Rey takes a minute to look at him, really look at him. He’s flushed, skin damp, but he’s still so very handsome. Moles dot his face and she can’t resist using a hand to trace them. His hair tickles her nose, so she pushes it back behind his ears, which are a bit too big for his head but she adores them.

Kylo lets Rey take him in, but gets her attention back to the moment with a quick snap of his hips.

“Can you come again?” He asks, and Rey nods. His mouth depends on her neck, sucking hickeys to every patch of skin it finds, as he pushes into her. She can feel the bump of his cock every time he bottoms out, a sensation she’s never felt before, and it makes her clench him every time. His hand skates down between them to get to her clit, and he quickly begins rubbing her there.

“Gonna let me fill you with my come? Gonna be a good girl and hold it all in? Can you do that for me baby? Huh?” His words send shivers down her spine, aiding in his pursuit to get her to come again. She mumbles incoherent words of approval, trying to tel him “yes, yes! I’ll be your good girl!” but speech fails her at the moment.

But Rey knows Kylo understands what she’s trying to say.

She feels his rhythm falter and his hand speeds against her clit. She tightens her legs around his hips, trying to wordlessly tell him she’s close too.

“Please, baby, please come for me…” His voice is desperate and strained and makes her shudder. Her hips find purchase against the base of his cock, in combination with the movement of his fingers, and she’s thrust into the abyss again.

Kylo holds her against him as she comes, whole body vibrating, and he follows after her. He grunts against a pillow as he comes, and Rey is distantly aware that he’s actually biting the poor thing. His come is hot within her, and she feels him pulse as he keeps slamming his hips to hers. The slapping of skin slows as she feels his body let go of the tension, and Rey is boneless beneath him.

He lays on her, still half-hard inside of her, as they come down from their mutual high. They are both breathing so heavily that speaking is out of the question, at least for a while. Kylo pulls out of her, and a mad rush of fluid starts to leak out of her. She clenches, remembering his words from earlier.

Part of her expects a coldness afterwards; after all, that’s what most sex has been for her. Once he’s come, he leaves. It’s the oldest story in the book. And for all Kylo’s talk of ‘stamina’, there’s still a part of her that expects it’s just a façade.

But he doest leave her, cold and debauched, to get redressed and make a hasty exit. Instead, he plants a kiss to the side of her jaw and rubs her torso sweetly before helping her sit up. She’s weak, and he knows it.

“We need to get you cleaned up,” He says when she slouch against him. She mumbles something unintelligible into his skin. Instead of getting rough with her, Kylo just soothes her. “Women are 38% more likely to get a UTI if they don’t pee after sex. That’s not a parting gift I’d like to give you,” he elaborates.

Rey sighs, but lets Kylo get her to the bathroom.

They sleep in spurts.

For a few hours after their first time, before Kylo wakes her with the incessant press of his hard cock into her abdomen. (He takes her even more slowly that time, sleepy and still blissed out. He comes before she does, but he uses his fingers to get her there, still.)

A few hours after that, Rey makes good on her promise to get her mouth on him, waking him with her mouth already working him. (His come tastes bitter and tangy, but she swallows it because it’s his.) She sits on his face afterwards, letting his tongue get her off again.

The next time she wakes, Kylo is kissing her chest, licking at her now oversensitive nipples. There’s a faint light peaking through the windows and Rey knows their time is coming to an end. She runs a hand through his hair to indicate she’s awake now, but he keeps on in his pursuit. Only when her chest spit-covered and shiny does Kylo seem satisfied with his work, and lifts his head to look at Rey.

“Good Morning,” She mumbles, voice strained as expected, and still groggy from sleep. He hums his response, and presses a sweet, lingering kiss to her lips.

Rey glances at the clock, noting its just past 7, when they both sit up in bed. Kylo goes to say something, but is cut off by the grumbling of Rey’s stomach. Her cheeks heat as his voice falls silent.

“Sorry… I haven’t eaten since yesterday morning,” she admits. Kylo’s brow furrows for a moment, but the dark expression passes fleetingly.

“Let’s rectify that first, shall we?”

The breakfast menu for room service is extensive, and Kylo orders one of everyone instead of actually looking it over. Rey can only half-heartedly try to tell him it was too much, when her eyes catch a glimpse of the fluffiest looking waffles she’s ever seen. Kylo had only kissed her head and ordered before walking into the shower.

It arrives in record time, a result, she’s sure, of the high-class hotel he got for them. The room, which she’d been too preoccupied to notice last night, is opulent. A bit gaudy for her taste (were gold curtains really necessary), but Rey was in no position to complain. She hesitated to put on actual clothes, instead opting for the plush robe that hung in the wardrobe.

Rey is half into the whole meal when Kylo emerges from the bathroom, towel hung low on his hips and hair still damp. Rey bites her lip so hard she draws blood. He sits across from her, picking up the two plates she hand’t touched.

“Greek Youghert and fruit? Don’t you want a waffle? I saved some whipped cream for you.” She extends the aforementioned whipped cream, earring her a slight smile from Kylo.

“You’re very kind, but no thank you. This is what I eat every morning,” he tells her. Rey scrunches her face. Kylo pours himself some black coffee too, and Rey finds the will to keep her mouth shut.

They eat in companionable silence, Rey scarfing down whatever her hands touch, and Kylo methodically eating his healthy-dude breakfast. Rey notes that neither of them are on their phones; it’s perhaps the first meal she’s had with someone in a while where that’s the case. Like everything else that’s made her heart flutter with him, she tries to ignore it.

Once the table is thoroughly pillaged, Kylo gets up to get dressed and says nothing when Rey hops on the bed and continues to watch him. He’s not embarrassed by nudity, clearly, and tosses the towel away for a solid 5 minutes before putting on underwear.

He’s fully dressed shortly and applies some product to his hair that has writing in french, yet Rey is still wearing only the robe and probably still has his come on her thighs. And other areas.

Part of her thinks he’ll just carry on with his routine as if she’s not there. He’ll pack his suit from the night before and leave the room without an second glance her way. Much to her relief, she’s wrong.

When he’s finally ready, Kylo turns toward her, leans down, and plants a soft kiss directly on her lips. It’s an infinitely more affectionate gesture than she had expected going into this, but a welcome one all the same. He stares fondly down at her when their lips part.

“The room is yours to use until 4 P.M., but I remember you have a noon curfew,” He tells her. Suddenly, Rey regrets telling Rose to call the national guard if she’s not physically in her presence before the clock strikes 12.

“I guess I’ll make do,” She teases.

They fall silent again, and for the second time that morning Kylo goes to say something, but falls short. The silence becomes too much for Rey to bear, so her cursed mouth opens of it on volition.

“I’m not sure how these are supposed to work… one night stands, I mean,” She admits. Something in Kylo’s face falls, but Rey can’t quite tell what.

“I don’t have much experience with these either,” he tells her. Rey shuffles onto her knees, so that they’re both eye-level, and extends her hand. Kylo looks at it with a hint of confusion mixed with amusement.

“Well, you’ve been a wonderful reddit-fuck. Thank you for posting,” she says, giving a mega-watt smile. He sakes her hand.

“And you’ve been a wonderful reddit-fuck-respondent. Thank you for critiquing my going about soliciting sex.” Rey opens her mouth in an exaggerated offense, but Kylo cuts her off with another sweet kiss.

She melts into it, holding his hair with her hands, letting herself mold to his torso as his tongue swipes her lower lip. The kiss is wonderful and hot and sweet all at the same time and makes her head spin.

When it’s over and she’s caught her breath again, a pang of nervousness infiltrates her consciousness. It’s over, it whispers, you’ll never see him again if you don’t do anything. He’ll leave, just like everyone else, if you let him.

“Do you have any more meetings?” She practically shouts at him. Kylo looks confused for a moment, so she goes on. “I just mean… if you needed someone to help… prepare you for your meetings, there’s a chance I’d be available.” Her voice grows softer as she keeps talking, suddenly feeling like an idiot for suggesting that at all. Before she has a chance to spiral, Kylo brings her back.

“I do… I mean, I will. That would be… very gracious of you, to offer you help.” She bites her lip to keep from smiling too hard.

“Okay, good.” She nods at him, relief washing over her as she realizes she might not be the only one who doesn’t want to let this go.

It’s a new feeling that probably shouldn’t be attached to a person whom was very clear about their desire for a no-strings hook up, but Rey has always had a preference for things that are challenging.

Kylo Ren seems as good a challenge as any.

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acrobaticcatfeline · 5 years ago

Text

Of Books, Brothers, and Broadway (Creativitwins College AU) Chapter One!!!

Word Count: 1771

TW: So Remus, obviously, swearing, ocean mentions, sea creatures and reptiles, and I think that’s it!

Pairings: None yet. This chapter is just a ton of platonic creativitwins!

Notes: This is three pages that I wrote last night. I’m now at ten pages of this. I don’t know what I was possessed by but I’m not about to complain. Its a college AU, I mention it I think, but Roman is a theatre major and Remus is a marine biology major with a minor in creative writing. I’m excited for you guys to see more of this!

Summary: “Bro!!! Bro I found a giant ass lizard in the yard look at it bro!!!” Roman and Remus Reyes live together. They figured it would be cost effective to do so while in college. Roman deals with Remus’ reptiles and fish tank, Remus deals with Romans singing at 3 in the morning. They’ve had an interesting relationship, and when Remus reminds Roman of a deal they made years ago, hes ready to start crying. Can a couple of kids from Florida make a Broadway musical?

“Bro!!! Bro I found a giant ass lizard in the yard look at it bro!!!”

Roman was done with his brothers bullshit. He doesn't know where he got the bright idea that the two of them should cohabitate in an apartment during college, but as he panickedly climbs onto the kitchen counters to escape him he knows he must've been on some sort of drug. He released a scream as he backed into the corner of the room as his brother held out a lizard that was definitely going to jump and attack him.

“GET IT AWAY!!! ITS SLIMY AND GROSS AND MALICIOUS!!!”

“This little guy malicious? Nah bro, that's a you problem. He's so cuteeee look at his scales they’re almost a holographic!”

That caught Roman's attention. He stopped panicking to actually look at the critter in his brother's hands. Remus was right, he was almost holographic. Roman gave it a weak smile and Remus beamed.

“See? It's not that scary! I'm gonna keep him! He's gonna be named fred!”

Roman chuckled softly as his brother finally left and brought the lizard to his room. He slipped off the counter and followed at a safe distance.

“Don't you think you have enough reptiles? If you keep getting more you'll need more heat lamps and i'm giving you more of the electric bill”

“Ok fair point but hear me out, have you ever seen a collared lizard quite as colorful as this one? I mean he's such a pretty one aint he?”

Roman took more steps forward, relaxing once the lizard was placed in the terrarium. The lizard was quite colorful, and Roman couldn't deny, it was one of the prettiest ones Remus had captured. It immediately scurried around and dived into the water bowl. Roman laughed at it.

“Besides, he was just begging to be brought in! Like really this time! He kept bumping into my feet, he started climbing my pants leg, it was so cute you should've seen it!”

“I'm sure I would have cried.”

Remus chuckled as he moved to the other wall of his room covered in a giant aquarium that Roman was still amazed fit through the doors. Remus grinned at all the fish swimming around, tipping a good portion of fish food into the tank after turning off the filter. He then made his way to his bed and sat on the twin sized mattress covered with octopus blankets. He grinned at his brother and Roman rolled his eyes.

“When are you finally kidnapping an octopus huh?”

“I'm glad you asked! You know my internship right?”

“Of course, the only time you don't talk about the marine institute is when youre talking about your reptiles”

Remus popped up and grabbed Roman's wrist and dragged him to the whiteboard calendar that hung on the outside of his door, pointing excitedly at tomorrow's date while bouncing on his toes.

“Well they just got an octopus buddy in that needs constant care that they don't have the time for! She's real fucked up, she needs meds twice a day, she needs to be hand fed, its a real fucked up case, they were rescued from a seaworld copycat, the poor thing hasn't been healthy since it hatched we think. There's a chance that she won't even be able to be released cuz she's been so dependent on humans for her whole life. But they opened up for applicants, and I was the only one willing to take her in. they're coming and checking my tank tomorrow and if it is good enough, which i'm certain it will be, and then they'll hand her over and i’ll be her caretaker!”

Roman grinned at the excitement his brother had. He ruffled his hair quickly.

“That's cool rem. I'm happy for you. She got a name?”

“Mhmm! Her name is Cephanie! But I've been calling her Cephy. She's so pretty ro, i can't wait for you to meet her! And she's so friendly!”

“You know every day I get less confused at your choice in major. And more confused about your minor”

Remus grinned at Roman and released his wrist, skipping over to their kitchen, relishing in the fact that Roman followed still. He poured himself a cup of coffee and jumped onto the counter with a grin still plastered to his face. He took a sip from his mug, the one with a tentacle handle, and kicked his feet.

“I don't know why! It's totally sensical to have a minor in creative writing ro! It's not like you can expect me to be your playwright if i don't know what i'm doing! Besides, i can write epic lovecraftian horrors that aren't incredibly racist and who doesn't want that?”

Roman blinked. He had to process what Remus had said and he was still confused. His head tilted like a dogs.

“My playwright?”

Remus giggled, it was funny when Remus giggled, it wasn't a sound that you would expect to come out of him. And yet he did it often.

“Did you forget? Aw ro, you can't back out on it now, you asked me when we were still in middle school to write you a book for a musical, and you were gonna write the music and you kept saying you were gonna get it on broadway. I've held up my end of the deal! In fact, I actually have a story started, I think you're gonna love it! Course, i haven't written it all out yet, it's gonna be my final”

“Wait, you remembered that? Rem we were like 10!”

“And now we’re 21, what's your point?”

“We, we can't get on broadway! We’re a couple of idiots from florida! I’m, i'm not a musician, I'm barely even a dancer, what are you talking about? That was a fever dream from a couple of kids, it's not like we can actually do it!”

Remus frowned. He set his mug of coffee down and hopped off of the counter. He crossed his arms over his chest and gave Roman a serious look.

“Do you know when lin manuel miranda wrote his first broadway musical?”

“No i-”

“His sophomore year of college. Who says we can't do the same? Roman you under sell your talents. You're a theatre major, you may not be amazing at any instruments other than your voice but damn bro, your voice is good enough on its own. I've seen you dance, you're one of the best dancers i've ever seen and you're in your fourth year of college. We have potential. I know we can do this if we try, but i can't make it happen alone. I need your help”

Roman looked lost. He wanted, oh so desperately he wanted, to make it happen. It had always been a dream of his to make it to broadway, but he wasn't wrong, they weren't lin manuel miranda, they were some twins from florida, they had no idea what they were doing. And yet. And yet he held out his hand to his brother.

“Ok. ok, we can try this. I can, I can make a score. We can do this”

Remus grinned again and took Roman's hand. He tugged him into the living room. He sat on the couch, pulling out his notebook and flipping to a bookmarked page. Roman sat next to him and looked over at it. There were a few doodles around a plotline that was both gorey and Romantic a la sweeney todd but also quite similar to ella enchanted. Remus grinned at the book and then started explaining.

“Ok so the main character, played by you presumably, is an author”

“Did you just write out your personal fantasy Remus?”

“No, shut up! Ok so he's written several books, like neil gaiman or terry pratchet level several, but those aren't all the stories he's made, he has several stories that have never seen the light of day. He writes his stories in notebooks and journals ordinarily, waiting until they’re fully developed to make them digital. In one of these notebooks there lies a bit of magic. So he writes in this unknowingly, writes of a powerful magician, and as he sleeps it awakes. The magician escapes and brings each of his hundreds of creations to life just the same as him. The characters run amok and the author awakes to see the most beautiful man he's ever met at the foot of his bed. It takes him seeing the magician running through his home to realize that these are his characters. And the man is the protagonist from his most famous novel, one he wrote as a guilty pleasure, writing of a man he had met in his dreams. And he finds that these characters were pulled from different points in their books. The character had been pulled from the early pages, after he had suffered a major trauma and had no clue of the powers he possessed. So now, with his dream man in his living room, in pain from an event he had written, and gifted with emotionally driven powers, he has to fix this mess with the added hurdle of the character creating villains and fiends ready to destroy humanity as a whole with no way to stop. Along the way, some of his characters suffer mortal wounds at the hands of heinous and violent creatures, and all the author has is one magic notebook to fight them off. Romantic plot between the author and dream MC, with angst from the reality of once everything is dealt with, he will have to go back to the book. Thats what ive got so far, what do you think?”

Roman is starry eyed. It's far less violent than Remus’ normal brand of writing, it doesn't inherently include any sea monsters or snake men, and it's something Roman can really appreciate. He loves it, he can already feel the gears turning for songs and dances. Now that he heard the actual story instead of just going on the drawings, he saw far more nutcracker vibes from it.

“Oh, and there's a happy ending or whatever that the author gets to like, marry the other MC, and everyone lives happily ever after. I know you like the cutesy shit”

“Remus this is amazing! I can't believe I hesitated, I already have some ideas for the score! Remus you're a genius. I love you!”

Roman launched into a hug with Remus, which had the other laughing. Remus hugged him back.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

It was Roman's turn to turn into a giggling mess.

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splendidshinobi · 4 years ago

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FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST 2003 LIVE REACT: EPISODES 6-10

back at it again with the white vans

episode 6: the alchemy exam

alrighty then

um mustang calling edward “ed” is EXTREMELY offputting

ohhhhhhh noooooo not shou tucker

FUCK

im wholly unprepared

them all being in central instead of east is low key jarring like my brain isnt computing it

alexander’s intro is basically the same

nina bbyyyyy girl u deserved so much better

ed is such a fucking nerd...chemistry club modern au confirmed

god the more tucker talks the more i wanna beat his face in

al pretending to eat by tossing a potato in his armor i-

aww theyre playing in the snow theyre so pure

wonder how long thatll last

“bigger brother” and “little big brother” and ed doesnt even get mad

ed’s birthday party????????

A MELON? ED YOURE SO RUDE

so 03 had ed’s bday instead of elicia’s...CAUSE THEY GOT ELICIA IN THE WOMB

“it’s here!” “the tea?” “the baby!” hughes is a fuck head

ok so now they’re having elicia replace rush valley baby arc

this was winry’s time to shine in fmab i miss her

if winry isnt here who is gonna birth this baby

oh my god they just realized ed can use alchemy without a circle

no wonder he’s been using circles this whole time

SO ELICIA JUST POPPED OUT????? WHAT

STUFF ALEXANDER IN THE ARMOR AND PRETEND YOURE A TALKING DOG???

“i dont think thats very funny” NO ALPHONSE IT IS NOT

THEY KNEW EXACTLY WHAT THEY WERE DOING WITH THAT ONE I SWEAR TO GOD IN THIS ESSAY I WILL

damn bradley what up homie

im so thrown off by the way theyre doing the exam omg

seriously what the hell is fuhrer bradley’s purpose right now is he even the fuhrer in this i feel like they wouldve mentioned it

oh lord ed is about to impress everyone with his clappy hands

ok so next episode is nina FUCK

episode 7: night of the chimera’s cry

havoc babeeee

im gonna marry him my himbo king

also can RIZA DO SOMETHING PLZ

“huhhhhhhhh nina” ew tucker that was weirdly gross

wonder why

cant do it cant do it

do we think jean kirstein was modeled after jean havoc slightly looks wise

was that purposeful

ill have to google

serial killer who only targets women? it cant be scar...scar drinks respect women juice

barry or slicer bros maybe? um ok

why did we start with liore if they were just gonna hop right back into the past for a huge chunk of episodes idk

assessment day??? oh noodles

AL WHY DID YOU TELL TUCKER TO MAKE ANOTHER TALKING CHIMERA ALPHONSE NO

THE NOISE I EMITTED IM GONNA TAKE A LAP

im gonna FUCKING SCREAM

ed r u writing to winry??? that’s a bit out of character for u good sir

no tucker put that baby down

im gonna fucking SCREAM

aww he burned nina’s picture thats not sus at all

SHESKA!!!!!

wait does the ironblood alchemist know what tucker did to his wife? thats kinda the vibe im getting

SCARRRRRRRR

looking like a pirate too damn

his voice sounds different is that j michael tatum

apparently not it was dameon clarke in 03 ya learn something new everyday

ew elicia has a lot of hair for a FUCKING NEWBORN

ed really is such a cynic very suspicious of everyone as he should be really

basque grand knowS SOMETHING

oh jesus oh fuck oh god please do not TOUCH THAT BABY

ed and al snuck back in to the house well u know what its for the best

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

im gonna cry again please god no

FUCKING DIE SHIT HOLE

she’s hurting? oh my god

my sweet angel

ew his eyes!!!!!!!

tucker is such a fucking failure...like look at the chimera squad and greed’s theatre troupe being the way they are. ugh it really hits how fucking unfair it is

ed was really about to split them? boy you know better

where is nina going...im hurting

ed really tried to save her in this one

SCAR KILLS NINA IN THE STREETS???????? SIR

thats different

oh snap

oh FUCK

SCAR WHY DID YOU LEAVE HER BODY LIKE THAT

THE WAY SHE WAS ARRANGED ON THE WALL THAT WAS FUCKED UP

AND THEY FOUND HER LIKE THAT???? AT LEAST IN BROTHERHOOD THEY DIDNT HVE TO SEE HER CORPSE ARE YOU SHITTING ME?

that was fucked.

episode 8: the philosopher’s stone

can yall get ed and al away from nina’s fucking MURAL

get out of the car mustang

finally jesus christ

roy mustang talking about healthy coping mechanisms dont make me laugh but alright baby boy go off i guess?

im curious about who this goddamn serial killer is though lets turn to that plot thread

r u kidding me

mustang is making ed and al take over tucker’s research?? thats actually wildly messed up

oh tucker was straight executed that’s a choice i guess

tucker and the philosopher’s stone sounds inaccurate but ok

ed please stop being mean to your brother

03 mustang has got me reaching for a fucking baseball bat on GOD

scar and edward having this conversation right now i literally cannot

WINRY yes bitch

BRADLEY WHAT IN TARNATION

JESUS LORRRRRRDDDDDDDDDDDD

alphonse shut your mouthhhhhhhhhhh

im so confused what is bradley up to

“alchemists are not cold blooded murderers?”

i mean

kimblee would beg to differ for one

whos this creepy lady

her voice sounds familiar

barry’s food shop?

the killer is barry ok got it

IS BARRY DISGUISED AS A WOMAN

I KNEW THAT WAS JERRY JEWELL’S VOICE

WELL I KNEW IT SOUNDED FAMILIAR AT LEAST

WINRY GET OUT OF THE FUCKING TRUCk

has PINAKO TAUGHT YOU NOTHING

ok so i VASTLY prefer suit of armor original manga canon barry

this is such an odd plot what in fuck

um OW the meat cleaver

im so confused this fucking plotline

oh hey alphonse nice of you to show up!

is barry still gonna become a suit of armor later on

it makes NO SENSE to introduce him otherwise

everytime i see 03 mustang i wanna beat his ass HONESTLY

literally i will shove my foot up his ass

fullmetal here we go

ed thinks he’s so punk rock

oh great scar’s seen the watch

episode 9: be thou for the people

ed you simp buying winry all this stuff my edwin heart is ascending

SIMP SIMP SIMP

“mr. elric”?? you mean MAJOR ELRIC

to be fair though fuck the military

YOUSWELL??? oh LORD

im gonna need to read a full chronology of this show

alphonse continues to be a precious angel

where’s my boy yoki!!!!!

edward you idiot don’t go flaunting your money

woof woof ed

al looks so offended by ed saying they just met

whereas in brotherhood didnt he totally throw ed under the bus???

a choice to be sure

ah there he is hello yoki

who’s the chick

shes a lesbian

yoki makes me miss my baby girl mei chang

mei where r u

WAS THIS MILITARY DUDE REALLY ABOUT TO CUT DOWN A CHILD??? oh my god

hawkeye getting a promotion yes bby girl

jesus theyre transferring them to east now OKKKKKAY thats not how it happened it the book but ill take it....just doing it the opposite way i guess

who is lyra who is she

cute some military bribery

umm lyra what the fuck did you do

lyra is a homunculus im callin it now

they definitely invented/changed up some homunculi in fact im certain they did and shes one of em. gotta be

i feel like 03 wrote ed as much more insensitive towards others than he really is...just a vibe im getting

i know he was faking for the townspeople’s sake but i still get this vibe from other instances

i mean i cant say its not “canon” because its 03 canon

anyways what a show off

i cant believe theyre going to east...fuery and breda better be there

ok finally some answers on their ages....ed got his license at 12 like normal and nina and youswell were when he was 12...liore was 15,

if they didnt flash the ages on the screen id be lost honestly

at least we’re back up to “present day”

episode 10: the phantom thief

ed saying he doesnt wanna see mustang

same

03 mustang is activating my fight or flight and im choosing fight

ed cheating at cards totally checks out

um who the fuck is this woman

what is she wearing

SERIOUSLY WHAT IS THAT CUTOUT MAAM HOW DO YOUR C**CHY LIPS NOT POKE OUT

idk but this is fem!hisoka

“hey shouldnt we talk first” after getting handcuffed??? christ almighty these innuendos

siren??????? siren is probably also a “fake” homunculus

ugh

ok so the nurse is siren

ya aint slick girly

alphonse control your crush

I REFUSE!!!! ALMEI RIGHTS

why is al’s hair so brown in this flashback anywayssss

oh its spelled psiren ope

like she’s literally a batman villain...

oh my god...............the tiddy grab. my son would never

my son is respectful

is this her homunculus tat or just a random alchemy tat

the added plotlines and original content continue to confuse and astound me every single time....

ok but if psiren really was doing this for the hospital she wouldnt be so flashy about it. like thats how you get caught sweet cheeks

girly stop flirting with this child on god im gonna fucking kick you

now shes a nun????????????????

Shes a fucking troll i hate her

im going to kick alphonse into the sun

oh great now shes a teacher

wow shes a savior. the savior of amestrian venice. greatttttt

ed looking exactly like this emoji on this gondola rn 🧍‍♀️

STOP FLIRTING WITH THE CHILD

GOD THIS IS SO BATMAN VILLAIN ESQUE

alphonse plzzzzzzzzzz she aint your girl

ok so probably not the last we see of this ding dong con artist

ok so its starting to get muddy. im scared the 03 stans are gonna come after me like i do like it and im having fun watching it but some of the plot and characterization choices are just....odd??? idk i gotta keep going though!! im sorry i just stan arakawa and her work in all her glory!!!

#carol watches fma03 #fullmetal alchemist #carol's remaining brain cells #this is fun for me and no one else #whatever i dont care about anyone else on this website anyway #this is my stupid hole

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theskyeandsea · 5 years ago

Text

Tangled Weeb of Lies || Orion, Winston, and Skylar

Location: Skylar’s Apartment

Trigger Warning: Chronic illness symptom mentions

Backdated: Friday, February 28th

Glancing around her apartment, Skylar let out a sigh. Everything looked good. She’d cleaned up a little bit, gotten some snacks ready to go in case Winston and Rio wanted to eat something while they watched, and had a large mug full of fresh coffee. Swiping her forehead, she glanced at her hand with a grimace before wiping the slight sheen of slime against her jeans. Nope, she wasn’t going to deal with this right now. She was going to have fun anime night with her friends and it was going to be fun and she wasn’t going to even think about the pelt that was draped over the chair in her room. Nope. Totally not going to think about it. Hearing a knock at the door, Skylar hurried across her apartment and smiled, hoping she didn’t look too exhausted. “Hey! I’m glad you could make it, come in.” She said.

Winston stepped through the front door as Skylar let them in and rummaged in their rucksack for the snacks and soda that they had brought as their own donation to the anime night snack fund. They looked at Skylar and was pleased to discover that she looked relatively healthy all things considered. They didn’t know exactly how long it had been since she’d last changed but she was definitely running down the clock on it again. “Hey! Thanks for having me,” they grinned and had to admit that they were a little excited, it had been a while since they’d just hung out with friends and enjoyed some anime, “am I the first person here? I didn’t know what snacks to bring so I got a selection…” they didn’t know if they were at the stage with things were hugging Skylar was appropriate so they didn’t even try it, just kind of awkwardly waved.

“Of course,” Skylar said, though her eyebrows scrunched together at their slightly odd wave. Brushing it off, she continued, “Mhm. But, it’s a small group. Just you, me, and Rio. Orion-- do you know him? He’s really sweet.” She was honestly glad that it was a small group. She wasn’t totally sure she could handle hanging around many people, her nerves were a little fried after everything she’d been through. The past two months had been hard enough, but the onslaught of magical garbage affecting her life had hit a fever pitch last Friday. She’d just wanted to go on a quiet date. And now poor Shiloh had been roped into things too. Ugh. Pushing the thoughts from her mind, she nodded, “And please, don’t even worry about the snacks. I’m not going to be eating any.” Before she could say anything more, she heard another knock at the door. “Ah, sorry. That must be him.” She said and headed to the door, “Hi! Welcome in.”

Orion stood near the door awkwardly trying to convince himself to go up and knock on it. Of course, the idea of having an anime night with people he didn’t know well was scary enough in itself, but the underlying meeting was just as terrifying. Rio had never purposely tested someone before to figure out if they were a species other than human. In all other cases, he had been with his family and praying that the tests would fail, refusing to do them himself. But tonight had been a special case. If Skylar was a Fae or werewolf or anything, Rio would have to come up with a plan b to keep her protected. But one thing at a time. Rio had snuck into his sisters room, stealing a silver ring as well as an iron ring, to cover both bases. He had slipped them onto his right index and ring finger and grabbed ahold of his bag of snacks and ran out of the house before his parents or sister had the chance to ask where he was going. Rio finally decided that it was now or never, so he took a deep breath and went to knock at the door. When they answered, he lit up with a genuine smile, “Hey! Skylar! So nice to meet you in person! I’m Rio. Or Orion. I don’t know if you’re a hand shaker or a high fiver?” Rio asked curiously, holding his hand out, rings exposed and ready to test the waters. From the doorway, Rio could see who he assumed was Winston. “Hey there! Nice to meet you!” He might as well test both, just to be safe.

“Nice to meet you too, in person.” Skylar said with a smile before opening the door to let him inside. Tilting her head a little bit in confusion, she blinked. “Um, hand shake, I guess? Do you prefer Rio or Orion?” She asked as she shook his hand quickly, hoping that her hand didn’t feel too slick in his. Shutting the door behind him, Skylar gesture over to Winston and the small offering of snacks she’d set up for the get together. “I’ve got some snacks over there, popcorn and some chips and things. There’s also Mountain Dew in the fridge, so help yourself to that. There’s also beer in the fridge for you, Winston.” She nodded in their direction, “Or help yourself to anything on the bar cart. It’s all fair game.” She really hoped that she was making a good impression on Rio-- he seemed really nice and she could honestly use some nice, nerdy friends.

Winston made their way over to Rio and gripped their hand firmly but politely. They hate it when the cops in the station would crush your hand in a hand shake. “Hey, I’m Winston, it is nice to get to meet a fellow weeb.” They laughed at their own joke before heading back towards the couch. “I’ve also brought some stuff,” Winston said and nodded for Orion to help themselves. “Thanks Skye thats sweet of you, can I get anyone else a drink while I’m at it?” They headed towards the fridge, the thought of an ice cold beer playing fresh on their mind. “Are you a big anime fan?”

Orion shook both of their hands! Without either of them burning! “Wooh!” Orion exclaimed excitedly after successfully acquainting with his new friends. “Uh sorry... just excited to be here.” He laughed nervously, scratching at the back of his neck and holding up the assorted bag of little Debbie snacks that he had brought along, “These are open to anyone. Uh thanks for inviting me! I’m super excited to meet you both and have some people to watch anime with! People call me both, but most people outside my family go with Rio.” He was clearly nervous and rambling. Winston had called Skylar, Skye. Should Rio do the same? Too much overthinking. “Oh! I’m a big anime fan! But I’ve never really had anyone to watch it with. I’ll take a Mountain Dew while you’re in there. Thanks!” He needed to calm his nerves if he had any chance of being invited back for another anime night. “So what are we watching?”

Eyebrows scrunching together in mild confusion, Skylar stared at Rio for a moment, but her expression quickly shifted back to normal after his apology. He was probably just a little nervous. She’d known her fair share of introverted people in college and there were always a few people who sort of overcompensated when they wound up meeting people. Poor guy. With a welcoming smile, Skylar nodded, “Rio it is. And thanks! I accidentally ate a large lunch so I’m not that hungry.” She said as she took a sip from her coffee mug. “I’m glad you two could make it, I haven’t watched things with people like this in a long time. Um… I know we talked about Haikyuu, but I’m also open to pretty much anything. Maybe nothing super gorey or gross?” She said, “Do you have any preferences, Winston?”

“Sure, I’ll stick with Rio if that is what you prefer,” Winston replied as they inclined their head gently, “So how did you too meet? I thought that after I met Skye I would know all the nerds in town but it is always a blessing to add another one of us to the hive mind.” They hadn’t been able to say something like that in a while, too much hanging out with people because they knew stuff about the supernatural world and not enough hanging out with people so they could play D&D together. Winston shrugged. Before grabbing some Mountain Dew for Orion and a beer for themselves. Skylar seemed set with her mug of coffee. “I’ve never watched Haikyuu and I’ve never really given any sports anime a go, but I am down to try something new. If we get bored we could always try something new. I don’t really have a preference it’s just cool to meet some new people and find some new anime to watch. Could always do with new recommendations if possible.”

“Oh, we met online and started talking about anime and stuff like that. Then we decided to try to meet up and have a little anime night. So here we are!” Orion explained, noting Skylar’s mention of not being hungry. One of the tests for supernatural creatures was diet. Many species had specific dietary restrictions that hunters could use to exploit and expose the creature’s secrets. Was that what this was? Or was she just truly not hungry? But Orion laughed at Winston’s comment, “Hive mind. I like that!” He grabbed the Mountain Dew from Winston and popped the tab open, taking a long drink. “Thank you! I really enjoy a lot of sports anime! It’s actually been around a really long time too. There was a Japanese animated short film back in 1928 called Animal Olympic Games! Most critics credit that as the first sports anime.” Orion mumbled off the top of his head, not sure why he thought that would be important information for either of them to know. “But I’m, among the few that I have seen I would say that Haikyuu is my favorite. It’s just really cute. But exciting.” Oh boy, they needed to start quickly so Rio could shut up apparently.

Rio seemed a little bit more excitable than Skylar had expected; or maybe she was just feeling more out of it than she had thought. It had been a little over two weeks since… Ricky and Remmy had forced her to change. She should be fine. She should still be okay. But the way she was feeling, it was worse than normal. “Mhm! It’s really neat that White Crest has a system for people to connect like this. It’s been really nice as someone who’s not super extroverted.” She said as she walked over to the TV and connected her laptop to the HDMI cord. Listening as the other two hashed out the details, Skylar waited for her computer to boot up. “Really? That’s neat, I didn’t know that!” Tilting her head at Winston, she spoke up, “If you want, we could start from the beginning of the show, so you have an idea of what’s going on? It’s totally your call, I’m not up to date.”

Raising an eyebrow, Winston passed the can of Mountain Dew over despite the fact that they couldn’t help but wonder if perhaps Orion had a bit too much energy already. “Are you guys both relatively new to White Crest then?” Winston had been using the messaging boards since they could type and had been as such benefiting directly from there. Orion however seemed to really know their stuff about anime and Winston was starting to wonder if they might not be the most nerdy person in the room. They would obviously have to work harder to establish themselves as the apex nerd. “Sure, we can start from the beginning or you can throw me in at the deep end and I can tell you if I start drowning. Whatever you guys want.” They were starting to wonder if they needed to have someone here to help them make decisions since they all seemed to nice to do that.

Orion was talking too much. He knew that. But he figured it was either talk too much or cower back into his shell and not talk at all. Honestly he couldn’t be sure which one they would prefer. His nerves about the Fae testing hadn’t helped either. “I’ve actually lived here my whole life.” Orion shrugged at Winston, “But um... I didn’t get out much when I was younger. So.” Orion took another drink from his can, shaking it absent-mindedly to find that it was already more than halfway gone. “I’m fine with starting at the beginning. I think it’s important for context.” Orion eyed the hallway that he assumed led down to the bathroom and bedrooms. He tapped on his soda can idly and considered his options. Was he the kind of person to try to rummage through somebody’s personal possessions? Was it justifiable if it was to try to protect said person? “We should definitely get started before I start boring you guys with the history of Japanese volleyball.”

“I moved here back in August, so I’m the only newbie here.” Skylar said with a small smile before taking another sip from her coffee mug. Winston’s off-hand metaphor made her wince slightly at the thought of swimming, of having to-- nope. No, she wasn’t going to think about that right now. This was all about nerdy, normal people things. Not crazy, magic seal things. “Sounds great to me!” She said pulling up the first episode of Haikyuu before pausing. “You guys don’t have a problem with subs, right? It’s just easier for me.” She said, brushing her hair as casually as she could so Rio could see her hearing aids. It was a bit more subtle than saying “hey I can’t understand what’s going on because lip reading doesn’t work on cartoons” and tended to work. “And hey, I’m a fan of random trivia. I’d be happy to hear all about that.” She nodded.

“Oh, I guess we must have missed each other at high school or something,” Winston felt somewhat guilty for just assuming that Rio was brand new to town, but they seemed to have gotten away with it to some extent. “I am more then happy to have subtitles on,” Winston honestly was kind of lazy at paying attention to everything that they were watching, and as a result they often had subtitles on so they could back read anything they didn’t quite hear.” They popped their beer open and drank a mouthful, before settling into a sofa. “Is volleyball a big thing in Japan or something?” they asked casually, feeling themselves grow slightly hot under the collar as they felt somewhat embarrassed by their apparent awkwardness.

“Probably, I was pretty quiet in school. Mostly kept to myself.” Not everyone could be as outgoing as his sister, but Orion hadn’t thought much about it since high school. It hadn’t been a very fun four years of his life anyways; he’d rather just forget it ever happened. “Subs are perfect. I prefer them actually.” Orion agreed, catching a glimpse at the hearing aids that Skylar was wearing. He remembered her mentioning it online when they talked about ASL. “Sports in general are really popular in Japan,” Orion began, surprisingly thankful that the two didn’t seem annoyed by his random bursts of nerdy knowledge, “About 85% of kids in Japan are involved in some type of sport at school, it’s a little less nichey than sports in America tend to be. There’s even a national Holiday in japan specifically dedicated to sports.” Taiiku no hi. Orion decided against saying the name in case that was a bit too far on the nerdiness scale. “But volleyball has been around in Japan since the 1920’s. The debut of Volleyball in the Olympics was even in Tokyo. The women’s Japanese team took home gold.” He felt bad that he seemed to be monopolizing the conversation and decided to settle down into an open spot near the television. “Okay, sorry. We can get started now. I’m done I swear.” Orion laughed nervously and hoped that someone would put him out of his awkward misery.

Taking a seat on the sofa farthest away from Winston so as not to crowd them, Skylar hummed in amusement-- strange, how White Crest could feel like such a small town with so many coincidences, and yet stuff like this happened. Two people who had similar interests, had grown up here their entire lives, had never crossed paths. Well, she was happy to bring the two nerds in touch, she was happy to have more dorky friends who were into the same things she was. “Thanks, I appreciate it.” She said with a smile as she settled into the couch, tucking her legs underneath her. Oh wow, Rio really knew his stuff. And Skylar liked to think she was a bit of a trivia dork, but she had nothing on him. The most she knew was silly random fun facts about… bananas and things about sign language. “You’re all good, really. The more you know, you know?” She said, jokingly making the sign for rainbow, mimicking the meme. With a laugh, she started the first episode and watched as the animated characters appeared on-screen.

Orion could calm down long enough to enjoy a few hours of solitude and nerdy company, right? He couldn’t control his outright laugh at Skylar signing rainbow to reference the meme. “Clever” Orion laughed, settling back into his seat when she hit play so they could jump into the first episode. Orion quietly sang along to the opening theme song, hoping that he wasn’t too loud to disturb the other two from watching. Once they had gotten into the groove of the show, Orion could feel his anxiety finally start to calm down. But he kept catching himself eyeing the hallway. Against his better judgement, he couldn’t stop thinking about what more he could do to make sure he could keep Athena away from his new friends. Eventually after a couple of episodes of distraction, Orion couldn’t take it anymore. “Hey uh – Sorry. Could I use your bathroom really quick?” Orion asked, waiting for the permission to be granted before hopping up from his seat. “Please don’t pause it for me! I have seen this episode a hundred times. I can jump right back in! Be back in a minute!” Then he ran off down the hallway and towards the bedroom doors.

Skylar grinned, quietly pleased that Orion had understood her joke. It was kinda nice to have someone around who understood ASL more than the generic alphabet and question words. As they got into the show, she noticed that he had relaxed a little, something that honestly made her feel better about her hosting ability. Rio had seemed so nervous being here and she really didn’t want him to feel that way. He was super sweet, in person as well. As they made their way through the episodes, Skylar just felt… off. No matter how often she tried to focus on the anime in front of them, her mind drifted, cycling through worries. What did Shiloh really think of her? Would Remmy be okay? How was Nadia doing with her post-possession situation? Why was Nic out killing vampires? Was it really okay for her to take Alain’s self help books, what if he needed them? Why was Evelyn asking her all those questions? What about Blanche, was her magic nightmare situation still going on? How was poor Morgan dealing with her curse, did she need someone to talk to? Was Ricky ever going to forgive her? Would he even want to? All the questions weighed heavily in her mind, and her shoulders slumped deeper into the couch. The Karkinoids, the giant lobster boy, the eyeball that she still saw when she closed her eyes-- what were they? Why had they appeared? What had she gotten herself into, what had she gotten Shiloh into? It was-- It was too much. Dimly aware that Rio was saying something, she glanced over to where he’d been sitting and realized he was no longer in that seat. The episode they’d been watching had long ended. How much time had passed..? “Um, okay! I’ll just keep it going.” She said with a slight shrug at Winston. Where had Rio said he was going?

Though they were ignorant of this, unlike the other two, Winston was completely engrossed in the anime. They were drawn in by the detail, the art style, the tone. It was a difference from what they had previously been involved in in terms of their anime viewing experience but variety was the spice of life and honestly it was nice to do something that didn’t involve Ghouls, Fairies or Magic. Glancing over at Skye, they noticed the glazed look in their eyes and sat up gently as Orion left the room in search of their bathroom. “Hey,” they whispered, “you doing okay? You look like you’re a million miles away…” they gave her a reassuring smile before leaning back in their seat and placing a few kernels of popcorn into their mouth and chewing thoughtfully on the snack, “Orion seems like a cool dude.”

Orion rushed as quietly as he could into the hallway and gently pushed open the first bedroom door, peaking inside. Upon inspection, he wasn’t convinced that that was Skylar’s room. And pulled the door shut as quietly as he could and moved past it, eyeing the bathroom and then moving for the other door. He eased it open, noting the blue walls which stood out from the rest of the place. Against one wall stood a bookshelf that held stacks of comic books and manga along with a few pop figures. Bingo. Orion squeezer through the small opening and suddenly found himself standing in the middle of Skylar’s room. This was wrong. He knew how wrong this was. Maybe he didn’t deserve friends in the first place, if this was what he would have to do. But it was too late in this case, so he pushed himself forward, forcing himself to inspect the bookshelf and then the closet. He wasn’t exactly sure what he was looking for, but figured he would know if he found something. Ingredients for a spell, a pool of blood, being a Fae for dummies, anything. He moved to the bed and found nothing before finally inspecting the desk. He searched through the drawers, trying to be thorough in his search while also maintaining some level of privacy. He was ready to give up his search on account of not finding anything until he bumped into the desk chair. Clothes were tossed over the back of the chair, a detail Orion had completely ignored until he was up close and the bottom of the pile caught his eye. He carefully lifted the other clothes on top and his eyes widened at the discovery. Skin. He moved his hand to touch it and felt the leathery surface. Finally, all the pieces seemed to finally click together. Skylar was a selkie.

What if there was nothing she could do about all of this? What if Ricky was right, what if she had to confront-- Skylar forced herself back into the present and realized that Winston had said something to her. “I-- Sorry. I’m fine. Just a little tired, that’s all.” She said with a shake of her head before bringing her coffee mug to her lips. She’d refilled it twice over the course of the episodes, which would usually be enough to bring her energy levels up to normal at this time of the month. But… it wasn’t working. She still felt drained, the coffee wasn’t helping, and she couldn’t get out of her head. “Rio seems really nice, mhm. I’m glad he had this idea. Maybe if we could make this a regular thing.” She said before glancing down the hallway. Wait… “Didn’t he say he was looking for the bathroom?” Skylar asked, her expression shifting to one of confusion. “Why’s the bathroom door open?”

Raising an eyebrow at Skylar’s response, Winston counted backwards in their head to the date that Ricky and Remmy had forced Skylar to change. “You sure?” they asked with a frown, not willing to push the issue considering that it was obviously an issue for Skylar, but they wanted their friend to be safe and well. They forced themselves to take a long breath and watch the anime. Skylar was her own person and she had her own level of autonomy. She had her own life and she could make all her own decisions without Winston’s help. Rising from their chair, Winston made their way over to the living room door and looked around. “Why is the bathroom door open?” they asked in agreement, “Maybe Orion just went the wrong way or something?”

The news couldn’t have been any more relieving, and Orion had to physically force himself from cheering aloud or prancing around like an idiot. Skylar was a selkie! A selkie! Sure, being human was the safest bet for Skylar, but this was better, no, safer than the alternatives. The only thing Orion could think of to test a Selkie would be their dietary restrictions, and that would be easy enough to work around. Plus, Orion had befriended a selkie! How cool was that? He placed the clothing back on top of the skin and made his way back towards the door. When he slid back out into the hallway he looked over to realize that both Skylar and Winston had apparently realized that Rio had not just gone to the bathroom. “Uh- wrong door” he laughed awkwardly, semi thankful that he had been an awkward disaster the entire evening so that he had that excuse going for him. Without another word he made his way into the bathroom, splashing his face with some water from the sink. He would sit in there for a few minutes, try to calm himself down. He hadn’t done anything wrong per say. Technically he had, but for the right reasons. This was totally forgivable, right? This was good. Maybe now that he had learned the truth he could finally just enjoy the anime night with his friends. The stress of dealing with his sister would have to wait another day. But just to be safe he was going to spend another minute or two in the bathroom practicing some breathing techniques.

“I’m sure,” Skylar said with a rather forced smile on her face, ignoring the way that her body was starting to ache in that familiar, ever-present way. The way that followed her around, day after day, no matter how much she rested or slept. The way that shouldn’t be happening right now. She should have had more time, she’d needed more time to just be normal. Why couldn’t she just be normal? Reluctantly, Skylar shifted from her place on the couch and followed after Winston to peer down the hallway. But, even as she looked over, she saw Rio scurry into the bathroom door with an awkward laugh, shutting the door behind him. He’d been awkward all evening, poor guy. “I don’t know how he could have gone into the wrong door-- it’s just our rooms and the bathroom down the hall.” She blinked with a shake of her head. Rio wasn’t some kind of pervert was he..? Had she made a mistake inviting him here?

Raising an eyebrow as Winston spotted Orion leaving Skylars room and promptly making a beeline for the bathroom. “I mean maybe check your room to see if anything has gone missing,” though they had to admit that Orion wasn’t exactly the type that seemed suspicious and this may well have just been an extension of their awkwardness but Winston didn’t want to take the risk that there was something more going on there. It seemed unlikely that someone like Orion was not human or was even aware of the supernatural, but then again Winston hadn’t known about it. “I can try and keep him distracted if you want, it was probably just an honest mistake though…” Pausing Winston looked to Skylar to see what she wanted to do, this was her place after all. Her call.

Grimacing, Skylar nodded. Winston had a point, there was an easy enough way of dealing with this. “Thank you. If he comes out before I do, just try and distract him somehow?” She asked before hurrying down the hallway. She slipped inside her room and glanced around-- her bookshelf looked normal, her sheets was still haphazardly tossed in an attempt at making the bed, and her chair. Eyes widening, she hurried over to her chair. Her skin. Her pelt. Shit. How could she have been so stupid to just leave it lying out? Had he found it? Had he taken it? Was he going to sell it on the black market like Ricky had said people did? Oh god. But, there it was. Under the clothes she’d hidden it under. Letting out a small sigh, she relaxed a little. Hang on. That still didn’t answer the question-- why had he been in her room? Oh no, he wasn’t actually a pervert, was he?

Footsteps down the hall made Orion’s heartbeat even faster. His hands were shaking and he could feel sweat collecting on them. He flushed the toilet, never bothering actually using it. He washed his hands and wiped them dry on the hand towel. He pushed back out into the hallway, glancing back quickly at the bedroom door. Skylar wasn’t in the living room anymore, she must have gone into the bedroom. Orion felt light headed from the guilt and his stomach began hurting. He wasn’t going to throw up in Skylar’s home, right? No... he needed to remain calm. Or as calm as possible for him. “Hey!” Orion muttered casually as he walked back into the living room and reclaimed his original spot. “Is Skylar okay? She looked a little out of it earlier.”

As Skylar left, Winston quickly came up with a lie. They weren’t sure why they had decided to suggest that they lie to Orion because they were perhaps the worlds very worst liar. They hoped that everything was in order. “Hey!” they replied jumping a little as Orion appeared once more, “I think she’s doing okay,” they replied their brain doing their best to churn out a lie that was plausible, “she just went to get changed, she was sat here and there was a … a …” their brain was blank, “a spider!” They paused for a sharp intake of breath because Skylar didn’t seem the type to be bothered by arachnids. “Anyway, there was this … uh spider and I hate spiders they give me the skeeves and so I spot this … spider and I kinda jumped and that made Skylar jump and as she jumped she was about to drink some of her coffee so it was in her hand and I think some of it spilled on her and she went to sort that, probably just cleaning up now or maybe she’s getting changed… i don’t know because I’m here with you and not out there with … her.”

With one final, troubled look around her room, Skylar grabbed one of the sports mangas from her bookshelf and walked back out to the living room, holding it up at her guests as she returned to the living room. Rio was back in his spot and Winston seemed… a little out of sorts? What had they said? “I… remembered that Haikyuu is kinda similar to Koroko No Basket and decided to grab the book my room, in case you wanted to borrow it?” She said, holding the book out to Rio to look through. But, her eyes were trained on Winston. Did her story match with theirs..? What had they said to Rio to distract him? Oh god. They should have lined their stories up before she’d gone into her room. Her stomach churned slightly, she hated lying, she hated making things up so much. Particularly when it was over something that could be easily found out. Dammit.

Orion followed along with Winston’s story to the best of his ability. Admittedly, it seemed pretty obvious that they were lying to Orion. “Oh... uh I get it though, spiders scare me too.” That wasn’t a lie, Orion was terrified of the things. Though he was terrified of a lot of things so spiders didn’t necessarily make the top of the list. “Yeah, that makes sense. I hope she’s good. Is the spider gone?” He confirmed that it was a lie when Skylar came out giving a completely different excuse wearing the same clothes. Orion laughed nervously. They all knew each other was lying, but how did Orion explain to the two that he had a (semi) legit reasoning for glancing through the room? Especially in front of Winston; who knew what they knew about Skylar? Orion wasn’t willing to out her just to save his own skin. “Oh! I haven’t read that yet!” Orion smiled as wide as he could and tried to sound casual. Did his voice just crack? Jesus. “Thank you! I really appreciate it. I can get this back to you soon, I promise. Uh-“ he motioned to change the subject, “are you doing alright? You look a little out of it.” Why did he have to ruin every good thing that happened to him?

Winston’s eyes went wide as they realised that Skylar hadn’t changed. “Hey, you managed to … get the stain out already, you really must give me that recipe you know to do that. I spill … stuff on me … all the time.” They really needed to get better at lying, this was not going to work out if they were going to continue putting themselves in these situations. Glancing up at Skylar, Winston frowned as they realised that Skylar didn’t really look herself. She didn’t look ill per se, more that there was something off about the way she viewed the room. A weird sheen in her eyes. “Do you want to come and sit down, maybe you should have a drink or something?” they looked at Orion and hoped that their lies would be forgotten. They wondered what was really going on here, was it possible that they were in danger. Winston would’ve normally written it off as simple miscommunication and misunderstanding, but suddenly they were so sure. After everything that had happened maybe they were getting a little paranoid.

Struggling to not just blink at the two of them in confusion, Skylar nodded slowly, “Uh huh… it was just a little spill-- not a huge deal. And I got distracted by the book because it was on the shelf next to me. Mhm!” Nailed it. Before she could say anything else that could make things weird, Skyar nodded and sat down on the couch, taking her spot once more. As the two of them asked her if there was something wrong, she frowned at them. What was going on? Was it that obvious that she wasn’t feeling her best? Glancing down at her hands, she saw that a thin film of slime had developed on her palms, but she did her best to hide that by folding her arms across her stomach. “I’m fine, really. Just a little tired, but that’s nothing super uncommon. Um… Are we still going to watch?” She asked, gesturing to the anime boys that were running around on her tv screen. The sooner they just dropped the question, the better. She didn’t want them asking her questions she couldn’t really answer.

Orion wasn’t convinced that Skylar was alright like she claimed, but it was hardly Orion’s business. There must have been some reason why she was trying to convince them that she was fine. Maybe she was just tired. Orion shrugged towards Winston as if to say, I hope she’s fine. Then at least, Skylar offered to continue watching the show. Things couldn’t be too messed up if they were going to be jumping back into the tv show, right? Orion let out a sigh of relief, falling back into the chair and trying to force himself to relax. Everything was going to be fine. Orion was going to befriend both of them despite the awkwardness of tonight. He needed some friends like this. “Yeah we should jump right back in. Sorry for holding things up.” He welcomed anything to change the subject from their obvious lies and hopefully give some room for the three to forget everything and bond over anime like they had been doing before.

Winston knew that they were all aware that there wasn’t something quite right here. But apparently all of them were way too awkward to confront it. Winston’s tenous grasp over their magic was not something that they wanted to test now. So they sat there, and watched several more hours of this anime. In doing so, they had to admit that they really came to enjoy Orion’s company, despite the weird situation that was hanging over them. When it eventually got to the later hours of the night, Winston realised that they had work in the morning. Stiffling a yawn at the end of their current episode, they forced themselves from the couch. “Look, guys, I’ve got to go home,” they said as they pulled their glasses off an rubbed their eyes, “I’ve got to be at work in a few hours and I need to get some sleep, but … yeah I had a great time.”

The next few hours of anime passed Skylar by in a slightly listless haze. She was aware of what was going on, but the tiredness was getting to her in a way that her normal methods of just weren’t handling. But, she did her best to seem as engaged as possible. She laughed when the other two did, she nodded along to the opening music, she tried to just be normal. When what she was going through was anything but. And, to top it all off, there was the matter of Rio… poking around in her room. As Winston stood up to walk out the door, Skylar nodded. “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize it’d gotten that late. Thanks so much for coming by.” She said, walking them to the door. Fingers twitching at her side nervously, she glanced back at the couch. Mmmmmm. She really had to know why he’d been in her room and this was as good of an opportunity as she was going to get. Speaking as casually as she could, Skylar asked, “Since they have to get to work tomorrow, Rio… do you mind helping me clean up a little?”

Orion was able to settle down enough to enjoy the anime for a few hours. He usually used anime when he was stressed out as a distraction. It got his mind off of reality and gave him some time to unwind and relax. That actually seemed to be working, despite the awkwardness of the night. After a while, Winston mentioned it getting late and began to pack their things. Orion hadn’t even noticed all the time that had passed. “It was super nice meeting you. I’m glad we got a chance to do this.” He smiled at Winston, nervously fumbling with the rings he had stolen from his sister. His little ploy had been so stupid. He should have just come for the anime night and left it at that. “Oh yeah of course. I’d love to help.” Orion agreed nervously.

Yawning, Winston collected the remainder of the snacks that they had brought with them, stuffing them into a rucksack and pulling their jacket on. Rubbing a finger behind the lense of their glasses, they nodded and smiled at Orion. Despite all of the weirdness earlier, Orion seemed cool. “Hey, dude, you too, we should definitely make sure that we do this stuff again, maybe on a weekend or when I’m not working.” With that they double checked that they had the last of their belongings and headed out into the night.

Skylar smiled as Winston said their goodbyes and shut the door behind them. Just the effort of getting up and going to the door was draining, but she hid it as well as she could. She had no idea why she was feeling so awful. She'd been trying her best to take care of herself, reading the self-help books, and doing whatever she could to ease some of the stress that had been thrust upon her. This was part of why she'd wanted to have anime night-- it was meant to be something fun and normal and cool, but her body was just... ruining it for her. Letting out a sigh, she did her best to offer a genuine smile as she turned around to face Rio. "Thanks again for offering to help clean up, I really appreciate it." She said with a nod, putting a chip clip on one of the open bags. "Um... did you have a good time?"

Winston left for the night which just left Orion and Skylar alone in her place. Despite a few hiccups, Orion had enjoyed himself and hoped that the other two had as well. He was in the kitchen, throwing out the cans and bottles from the night and trying to organize the array of snacks that they had brought over. Orion couldn’t help but wonder what was on Skylar’s mind. His fingers drummed against the countertop nervously. “Hey, yeah of course it’s my pleasure.” He answered suddenly, realizing that he had spaced out for a moment. “I had a great time! It was really cool to have people to talk to about the shows I like to watch. Thanks again for inviting me over.” Were they going to talk about the bedroom incident? He didn’t want to, but he was afraid things would be worse if they didn’t. What would Orion even say? What excuse did he have, really? Aside from the truth, which was completely out of the question.

Skylar blinked at Rio's answer, a little confused by his body language. He'd been a little antsy all night, but there was something else about him. Why was he being so... odd? He almost seemed like he wasn't fully present, if that made any sense. But... she couldn't really judge. She hadn't been feeling like herself in a long time. "I'm glad that you had fun. I'm really hoping to make this a more regular thing." She said with a nod. But... she still wasn't a hundred percent sure how she felt about Rio. There was just something... off. Grimacing, she stared at the stovetop of the kitchen before turning around to face Rio. Looking him directly in the eyes, Skylar spoke up, "Um. Do you mind if I ask you something?" She could feel the sweat trickling down the side of her face; or, at least, she hoped it was just sweat. Either way, she really just wanted to ask him and get it over with. "Why were you snooping around in my room?"

Skylar did not look great, but Orion wasn’t sure that it was his place to make a comment on it. She had been lethargic the entire night and had looked a bit out of it, but Orion had hoped it was just exhaustion. But now, standing up with her in the kitchen instead of glancing from a chair, he could see that it was more than just Skylar being tired. It didn’t help that tension sunk between the two, both thinking about the same incident without either saying anything about it. But then finally, Skylar asked the question. What had Orion been doing in her room? All night, he had convinced himself that it was justifiable. That he had a good reason for doing what he had. But was it truly necessary? He was so stupid. “I- uh wasn’t snooping.” He began, but it didn’t feel right coming off his lips. They tasted bitter, “Sorry that’s not right- I didn’t mean to snoop.” That was closer to the truth. Sure, he had walked into that room on purpose, but he had never wanted to do it in the first place. “I walked in and I should have left immediately but I-“ He couldn’t explain to her the truth, not without explaining his family to her. “I saw the skin.” He finally settled on. That was what this entire night had boiled down to and it was a conversation the two would have to have eventually. He just hadn’t expected it to happen so soon. “I didn’t know what it was at first, so I went in because I wanted to know what it was.” He shut his eyes tight, not wanting to see her facial reaction just yet. “Which was wrong. And I shouldn’t have done that and I’m really sorry.”

The tiredness Skylar had felt all night had sunk into her bones as she listened to Rio. Folding her arms across her chest, her fingers gripped at the sides of her shirt, as though she could just physically hold herself together. If she could just keep it together, she would be okay. But, the second he mentioned skin... Her blood ran cold. What? He'd seen her skin, had he gone in there purposefully? But, it was still there, it was still there. Wait. Her eyes widened as she realized that he'd said skin, not pelt. Not something that... a normal person who saw a seal pelt would say. "You... you went into my room, and you saw my skin. And you don't think that's snooping?" Her voice shaking with both anger and fear. What was he going to do now? Why did he know. "How, how do you know what it is? Rio, why were you looking for things in my room? Why... why are you here?"

This wasn’t going well. Understandably, Skylar didn’t seem to take the news that Orion found the skin very well. “No, no. You’re right I’m sorry. It was snooping. But.. I didn’t want to snoop. ” Orion couldn’t seem to find the right words to say. Were there any right words to say? “Listen, there are some bad people in this town.” How did he tell her the truth without telling her the truth? “They want to hurt people that are… different.” His mouth was dry, but his palms were sweating and he wiped them against his jeans. He didn’t feel like he could make eye contact. He may start crying on the spot. God, that would be embarrassing. “I’m here for the anime night! I swear. But while I was here… I needed to know. So I could make sure you were safe. I- I don’t care that you’re a Selkie. I just don’t want others to find out and hurt you.”

Skylar shook her head slowly from side to side, as though that would make any of this situation less real. No, no, no. She'd been so careless, so stupid. She'd sent back the safe to Ricky and now she only had herself to blame for this. If she'd just kept the safe, then Rio would have never known that she was a Selkie. "Why did you need to know? Why couldn't you have asked me? If-- if you'd asked me, if you'd said that you were trying to help me, I would have told you." She said, trembling. "Who are these people? How do you know about them, and who-- who are they? If you're trying to help me, I need to know. I deserve to know if someone tries to hurt me for being something-- something I don't even want to be!" Her voice broke and tears began to streak down her face as she stared at Rio, still trying to comprehend what he had told her.

“I couldn’t just ask.” Orion whined, not proud of the emotion slipping into his voice. He hated crying. He definitely didn’t cry in front of people. “I didn’t- I couldn’t know if you were going to tell the truth. It’s why I wore these stupid rings.” He held his hand up as evidence. “There are hunters!” He couldn’t bring himself to tell her the whole truth. Knowing about his family would only put her in more danger. Not to mention himself. If he were to over tell them the truth about him then… well that might be his family’s final straw. “I’ve seen the awful things they can do and when we became friends I just- I just wanted to keep you safe.” But then Skylar broke Orion’s heart. She hated being a Selkie? All she was trying to do was live her life. Orion was the one that should hate what he was. He did hate what he was. “Skylar… There is nothing wrong with wha- with who you are. You deserve better than that.” Dang it. He wiped at his eyes with his forearm. This was definitely the worst.

Blinking through the tears, Skylar sucked in a deep breath and attempted to calm herself down. But, the more Rio kept talking, the more questions came to mind. What was he talking about? Hunters? His rings? What did he mean by this? What did any of this mean? "Are you a hunter? What are the rings, what are they?" She asked, trying to work through the thoughts racing through her mind. There was just so much that she couldn't even begin to understand with what he'd just said. "I--" She held up her hand, signing for him to stop. She didn't need someone who had just... outed her to try and reassure about what she was as a person. "Don't. Don't tell me that, I don't want to hear that. What I need to know," Skylar took in another shaky breath, "Is are they going to attack me? Are you going to hurt me?"

The words hurt Orion. They weren’t even accusatory, more questioning than anything. But it didn’t make the question hurt any less. Was he a hunter? “No. God no. I’m not a hunter.” That wasn’t a lie. Genetically, maybe he was but he would never become his family. He refused to accept that title as one of his own no matter what his family tried to force upon him. “I don’t- It doesn’t sound good. But I want to be honest here. The rings are silver and iron. It’s a way to test if a person is a werewolf or Fae.” He wanted to try to explain more to her, to try to make her understand or at the very least make her less afraid. But he had ruined it. He stopped talking immediately after she signed at him, freezing in his tracks. “Ok. I’m sorry.” He held his hands up in surrender and crossed them back over his chest. “No! No! No. I would never hurt you. Or anybody. I don’t want anybody to get hurt. Nobody is going to hurt you.” He was going to make sure of that. Whether Skylar could forgive him or not. Whether she ever spoke to him again. She would make sure that his sister stayed away from her.

Swallowing through the lump that had formed in the back of her throat, Skylar nodded. Okay. He wasn’t a hunter. But he knew about this? He knew about werewolves and fae and how to tell what they were? He knew about Selkies? How could he… Rubbing her fingers together, she shook her head again before unhooking her hearing aids from her ears, shoving them into the pockets of her jeans. She didn’t want to hear any more of this, she really didn’t. She couldn’t handle finding out about all of this. Focusing on reading his lips to compensate for her lack of hearing, Skylar’s hands clenched at her sides. “How do you know that no one is going to hurt me? I need you to leave. Right now. I can’t deal with this right now.” Skylar signed, pointing at the door.

Maybe Orion had still kept some hope alive. Maybe, despite the tears and the anger and the fear, Orion still wondered if a friendship was salvageable. Maybe, just maybe, Orion had deluded himself to believe that he did deserve friendship. But Skylar took out her hearing aids, and Orion knew that the conversation was over. The door had closed and Orion was locked out. At least the one benefit was that Skylar probably couldn’t hear his sniffling any longer. At least she was safe, and Orion knew that Athena’s initial tests wouldn’t show anything.”Yeah, of course. I get it.” He signed back at Skylar. He thought about leaving the bag of snacks on the counter for Skylar, but remembered that her diet wouldn’t exactly allow for that. So he grabbed onto the bag and made his way towards the door. He held onto the knob for a long moment before turning around to sign at her again. “Thanks for inviting me. I’m really sorry. Again.” Then he was gone.

#p: twol #p: winston dane #p: orion quinn #chronic illness cw

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nomorevanillabeanicecream · 5 years ago

Text

no more vanilla bean ice cream

they were out of vanilla bean ice cream, they had vanilla, french vanilla, sweet cream vanilla and cheesecake vanilla, but not vanilla bean, when did everyone all of a sudden get into vanilla bean, everyone was a pig they could not care less about the bean in the vanilla or not, but now apparently everyone was into vanilla bean ice cream because last week there was a full row of umpqua vanilla bean ice cream and now there was none

so I’m waiting in line at safeway with my subpar vanilla ice cream after I had gone on a much needed quarantine run right after spending two hours texting my friend and she was telling me about how google owns all the data in the world and not only has enough data to know me better than myself, but since they know everyone else’s data too, they know my friends data so they know me in context, the whole thing was very depressing so depressing i didnt even want to use a period in my writing anymore because what the fuck was the point of punctuation anyway in this world, i would still be nice and use commas, just to give my fingers a break and be able to get a thought in or so.

i guess i could also accommodate for paragraphs break at visually appropriate times, it didn't matter if it was contextually appropriate or not, i was going to drop a paragraph break because i know people like paragraphs, charles dickens and dostoevsky and jane austen and leo tolstoy never made paragraph breaks that's why no one ever read their books, people just say they read them to seem smart but they never really read them they just knew it was the right thing to say that they were literary geniuses because their books were so long, see people like to lie and say they know the work of a great author even though they only read a few quotes by them, but that was enough to say good and bad things about writers without ever knowing what the hell they did, few understand the theory of relativity but everyone calls einstein a genius.

the thing about quarantine was that at this point i had gotten used to seeing very few people in my life and i was enjoying it so whenever i had to go to the supermarket i had to see all these people and boy were they gross, maybe i would not have seen them as so gross if had gotten my vanilla bean ice cream but i had not so, they were gross, they were all getting so fat, and fat in like weird ways, not like fat on the sides like the michelin tire guy or a cute belly like the pillsbury dough boy or like that kinda funny superfat like homer simpson or peter griffin they were just gross fat, like it looked like they had just been eating garbage and watching netflix fat, like this one guy seemed like if you got a pillowcase filled it up with hot lard and then poked two pool cues on the bottom of it, this other lady looked like a minifridge emptied into a potato sack.

the asses were the worst part, it was kinda hot so everyone was wearing shorts and it was not appropriate when they wear shorts always have that like red line right under the shorts and it does not look that great, the oddest one was the skinny ass but with fat legs, i did not get that one, the person would have no ass mass at all but then the legs were super fat i did not understand what they were doing to get their bodies to look this way, a lot of people were also walking around with wedgies, a lot of people were also walking around in pajamas covered in animal hair and it was gross, its like you have nowhere to go, you are all complaining about not having the right to go out, so when you do go out why not maybe spruce things up, honour life, honour your fellow human, no, screw that we are all going to behave like the whole entire public sphere is a big ass pijama party,

the whole facemask thing, wait before, i start talking about the facemask thing, everytime i start a new paragraph, google is trying to force me into capitalizing the first letter, it doesn't even ask me if i want to capitalize it, it just goes ahead and does it, google is such an presumptuous douche sometimes, now when i write in gmail, it autocompletes all my sentences, great so we can all sound like robots, and it does it like automatically, so i ending having to erase the lame sentence it wrote, i mean i would have probably come up with something similar or exactly the same too, after all there are only so many ways to say goodbye, but id like to think it was my idea, these engineers had no savoir faire, just so you know, so now i hope that everytime you start to read a new paragraph you imagine me hitting the backspace button to delete their fascist capital letters, and its frustrating because im really trying to write as fast as i can, i bet you can tell

see it happened again, and its not that i just have to hit the delete, i have to get my mouse and put my cursor there so it like detects its not just on mistake i am trying to delete their smartass capital letter, so yeah to the facemask thing, the whole facemask thing was pretty dumb, i mean if the facemask was the windshield to the coronavirus i didnt get how casual people were being about, they would just pull it right down under their noise, oh great now you have all your coronavirus on your nostrils, what the hell, i didnt get it, im pretty sure noone in that safeway store had coronavirus, and it was coronavirus not covid19, what is it about us having to find dandy little names for things, it was the coronavirus and thats that, so yeah we were all carrying about these facemasks that if they were really protecting us from the coronavirus lingering in the air then we were being flagrantly irresponsible in our use, but deep down we all felt it wasnt, but we just had to wear one because it was the rule, but we all knew noone in the store had coronavirus

it may sound weird, but i think you know when someone has coronavirus, its like you can just tell, you know like other things you can just tell about a person, i remember i once went up to san francisco about a month ago, and i saw this guy on the muni line headed to the bayview that for sure had coronavirus, he wasnt coughing or anything, but i saw him and i knew he definitely had coronavirus, it wasnt because he was black or chinese or anything, this isnt like a hidden racist joke, i could just tell, i freaked out , and i havent gone up to the city since then, and then, lo and behold they announced that a muni driver got the corona and that the bayview district had the most corona cases in the cities, see sometimes you can just tell

im pretty sure that day i even had the corona on me, i mean i didnt get it, but im pretty sure it landed on my hand, but i washed it before i touched any of my mucous parts, but it was there with me, i dont think it was from the guy on the bus thought, i think it landed from this other guy, i went to a deli to buy water, bananas, coca cola and chocolate and this guy was kinda drunk and talking real loud and coming real close and i could feel the air get really moist when he passed by me and my hand was exposed and i know that at that moment some of it got on my hand, but i didnt panic, i knew i couldnt lose my cool, i had to just play it smooth, and wait till i could get to the studio and wash my hand and everything else, i was really thorough i walked the whole way back to the studio with my hand outstretched so it wouldnt touch my jacket or anything, i could feel it was there, it was for sure there, but i played it cool and washed it and nothing happen, but i was that close

and thats why you have to wash your hands because you could be that close too to having coronavirus, so see im not that crazy, that the reason they recommend us all to wash our hands, because at some point it could be that close to you, and if you don't wash your hand before your touch your eye, boom you got coronavirus, crazy to think that you too could have had coronavirus on you, and you could have, but now i think there isnt that much coronavirus on things anywhere, i think the coronavirus is like hiding or something, i think the coronavirus are like finding their niches and stuff, like if you ask me i think the coronavirus right now is probably somewhere where the sun dont shine, i bet it like flew to a a dirty dive bar that was totally shut down windows boarded and everything, but its there just chilling on the sticky counter, waiting to come back in the summer, i also think it might be at like some nasty to-go food place, like there is this wing place open till midnite around my house, i bet there is a little coronavirus there, but only a little bit, and its like one of the lazy ones, so i dont think it feels like jumping on anyone

at work i have to tell the staff how to wash their hands, i tell them they have to wash on top of their hand, palm of their hand, each finger, in between fingers, under the finger nails, and up to the elbow, but i mean if they have coronavirus, and their touching my food, i think its going to get on the to go box anyway, but its the rules so i play along, i even translated the rules, and told them to sign a paper, the paper also said that they had to wear a facemask, its not like they have multiple facemasks, i mean we are going to give them a few, but its up to them to wash it, one guy asked me if he could use the same one for a few days, i told him no, but i mean even if he washes his facemask before work and then lets say he puts it in his pocket, what if his jacket has corona but his facemask doesnt, itd be a real shame if his corona jacket infected his noncorona facemask, but i saw him and i dont think he had corona anyway

im repeating the same point and the rant is losing steam, so i gotta ramp it back up, or maybe no, maybe its not all just about ranting, maybe i should tell you some good things, like ill tell you about my run, the day was so nice, it was bright and sunny, and thats really all i gotta say, the point that i have more to say about right now is that i feel like im writing like that kid from catcher in the rye, that kid was a real case, i cant say i disliked the kid, but i wouldnt hang out with him, i mean in general i wouldnt be hanging out with high schoolers, but i might hang out with him after he grows up, i think we were all like that kid at some point, and the ones that arent, are soul dead and just go to work and drink craft beer and probably become those engineers without savoir faire that figure out the code to finish my email sentences

but i also feel that i am writing likes james joyce in ulysses, those are two books that i read from cover to cover ulysses and catcher in the rye, all it takes is a good fucked up guy to write something honest and you can get me to finish it, james joyce was all about stream of consciousness, crazy to think that ulysses is regularly named the best book of the century, and it wasnt even that bad of a century for books, it was a crazy book, and it was daring and new to just expose how he felt a person thought, and i mean it was pretty smart, because that is how we think, we jump around and we get nervous and self conscious and horny and we think in simple letters, and our memories associate things weirdly, i mean dante was the best writer of all the time, but i dont know anyone that thinks inside their brain in metered stanzas, if there was such a person, i dont know if id like to meet him, it would be a lot to handle good novels have taught me a lot, they've confused me too, but overall taught me things, see life is a grey thing, like there arent absolute values,

for us human beings, its easy to think of things as black and white, good and bad, yes or no, but thats not how it goes, there is a lot of grey area, and thats why i guess i liked ulysses, see the whole book is about this guy that is roaming around dublin, while he knows his wife is cheating on him, the last chapter is a stream of consciousness from his wifes mind, in which she just goes through her mind thinking about her past lovers and this guy she is cheating on her husband with, and ultimately she feels bad and when her husband climbs back into bed with her, shes like thinking oh there he is again, old leopold, but hes my leopold and she i guess kinda does admit to loving him, life hurts like that sometimes, a woman can still love you but cheat on you, a man can do it too, anyone can cheat on you, but still love you, anyone can hurt you and still love you, its a rough reality, remember i wrote an essay on this book, and the teacher said that i should save it and give it to the woman i marry it was so good, i didnt save it so i guess that wont ever happen, i cant even remember what i said, probably something about forgiveness and the abstract beauty of love, i was only twenty, i could have said anything

i wish i could remember what i wrote though, nowadays a lot of people are walking around with fear of intimacy issues, they are scared to open up to people, you know a lot of people are saying that they have intimacy issues, so i wanted to figure out more, i looked it up on wikipedia and it said there were four types of people, normal people that love themselves and can share intimacy with others, people that think themselves unworthy of intimacy but seek it, people that are scared of being intimate with others out of fear of rejection, and people that have self worth but think others are undeserving of intimacy, i think the whole thing probably comes from parental stuff, that's always the freudian way of looking at things, its kind of a shame because i think people really do like laying in bed and talking comfortably with someone after a wild fuck, when i wrote the essay i didnt have intimacy issues, but i might now, i dont know, and even if i did i dont know what type of of person i am, i guess sometimes people do say some stupid things, and stupid things out of a naked person are the worst kind of stupid things, whatever its wikipedia, anyone could have written, just like the original science study it supposedly based on,

ok this all getting too gooey and it lost its sharp vibe, i think that we were on a roll, when we were on the coronavirus landing places part, but then i get too serious and stuff, i do still want to talk about books i like, you know like thats one of the favorite things english teachers like to do, they like to analyze all the references that an authour made to other books, normally its the bible or the odyssey or some other greek or roman classic, like ulysses was modeled after the odyssey, i remember the teacher always talked about that, ive never read the odyssey or the iliad, ive heard they are great books, but i try not to say it myself, i do say that homer was a great poet though, but i never read his stuff, i mean ive read the first line, but i dont know the whole story or anything, i guess we are all hypocrites at some point or another, i do know however that ulysses was in one of dantes circles of hell, because he was advisor to deceit, the deceit of having that big horse full of soldiers go into to troy, so he ended up in hell, talking about hell that was another book they loved to reference, the bible, the bible doesnt see things grey, they see it black or white, this morning i woke up at four in the morning, and i couldnt get back to bed, so i pulled to a random spot and started reading proverbs, they make it seem so simple, this is good, that is is bad, i wish it were that simple, it used to be that simple like that when i was little kid, maybe it still is but, i just refuse to see it that way

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gingerwerk · 5 years ago

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kelly, i would love to get some tattoos & flowers headcanons! Maybe about everyone's favorite take-out, or maybe how they were as teenagers? I dont want the story to end, but Im so proud of you and glad you've shared it with us

aww you’re so sweet 💛 im sad that the main story is ending too but there are still other stories and ficlets of them and from this universe floating around my brain so if i have it my way this wont be the end 💛

but! love the idea of takeout because its something i havent really thought of before but now that you mention it...

both eugene and bill really do just like their greasy diner food. specifically, eugene really likes to order more like, homestyle/southern staples that remind him of home (thats why he instantly takes to that diner cus even if there might be cheeper take out options around, they have a lot of southern food options so its very comforting to him) he’s a huge fan of ordering breakfast foods at any time of the day and his ideal breakfast order probably involves biscuits and gravy (me too bitch)

bill really is just into gross greasy street food; its cheep as fuck and gets the job done. loves pizza and Absolutely thinks that Chicago deep dish pizza is an abomination to world

jay loves chinese food. he’s moved around a fair bit in his life but no matter where he is, one of his first tasks in new city is to scope out his new fav chinese place. after he moved to boston he spent a solid month trying out a dozen different places until one stuck

obvi burgie is a Huge tex mex fan and, similar to jay, puts just a little too much effort into finding a suitable tex mex place but he still can’t find a place that comes close to the one he had back in texas

growing up in australia, flo had access to Tons of different asian cuisine so she really loves that. i think she’d be into thai and indian food specifically but anything that had a good kick of spice (can totally picture her offering a bit of her food to eugene, who accepted it without thinking, and then almost fucking died because he can’t eat spicy food) i also feel like between living in texas for a while and because its burgie’s fav, she also is down for mexican a Lot

snafu is a raccoon who will eat anything so if someone suggests getting food he wont make the decision. he does have a Huge soft spot for creole food of course but he very rarely will try any restaurant claiming to serve creole because he knows it wont taste right and he’d rather just not have it than be disappointed

#sweet little anon #this was really cute and fun to do thank you!#flowers and tattoos au

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ohlukcs · 5 years ago

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( alex wolff, male ) did you hear how LUKAS TOZER is applying to columbia university as a FILM & MEDIA STUDIES major ?! the 19 year old is living in the WALLACH HALL. i heard that they got in because they are + PASSIONATE and +THOUGHTFUL, but honestly i think HE can be -ASSUMING and -CYNICAL. they’re a real MAVERICK. oh well, only time will tell if the SOPHOMORE will make it til the end.

about the mun !!

hi hello my name is sam (she/her), im 22, and im a big fat mess at all times :) um but a lil more about me is that i’m australian and a recently graduated film student lmao. i’ve been rping for like ten years now i think idk but i am a NERVOUS BITCH !!!!!!! and it sometimes takes me forever to reply to things (ic and ooc) bc of that so pls be patient with me lmao. anyway, happy 2 be here !! if u like this post i’m gonna assume u wanna plot with me and my idiot and hit u up !!! lets mcfreakin lose it !!!!

about lukas !!

full name: lukas joshua tozer

nickname(s): luk-ass idk whatever u can come up with lmao

age: nineteen

gender: cis male

pronouns: he/him

hometown: jackson, new jersey

date of birth: nov 4th

occupation: student ( film and media studies, sophomore ), cook/server at a nearby 24hr pizza joint

relationship status: single

drink / smoke / drugs: yes / yes / yes

faceclaim: alex wolff

positive traits: passionate, thoughtful, creative, ambitious, untethered, humorous

negative traits: assuming, cynical, insensitive, rebellious, resentful, irresponsible

if he was in a hogwarts house: slytherin

now some more dot points that are just me talking about lukas !!

was born in fort lauderdale florida but there is a vERY low chance he will ever admit that, he’ll just say he’s from new jersey. as far as he’s concerned, he’s always been from new jersey even if his family did move there after he turned twelve

speaking of things lukas probably wont ever tell u but i’m including them anyway: his family is kind of messy. not majorly but like a little bit more than average. he had two brothers, now he only has one. i’m not gonna include a whole lot of nitty gritty here i’ll save it for when i write the real bio and can actually do it justice but its the reason they moved from florida and it has had a pretty major effect on lukas over time obviously

he’s the baby of the family and he’s pretty much always been treated like one. it has left him pretty immature and irresponsible. still learning that his actions have consequences and that he cant just be a total dick all the time. he’s improved in those areas a fair bit since he started at columbia a year ago but he still has a long way to go

he didn’t ever really expect to go to columbia, he’s from a middle class family and his dad didn’t even go to college. he applied for columbia just as a might as well give it a go thing. like maybe it will happen. they had a film course and although the course itself isn’t really great, the connections to the industry available at columbia were valuable enough for him to try. he was wait listed up until basically the last minute, preparing to go to a college in boston instead but when he was accepted he knew he had to go. for himself, for his family, and for his lost brother.

obviously irresponsible attitude has led to some Bad Decision Making including but not limited to partying and drugs. he doesn’t prioritise that lifestyle over his school work (bc he knows how lucky he is to be at columbia at all) but he is a big believer that you need to experience things to be a great artist and he plans on being the greatest artist so bad decision town here we come !!!!

he has a pet goldfish named michael bublé pls dont nark

for more info on him click here to check his about page, no bio there yet but hopefully soon

wanted connections babey !!

course friends/rivals/anything: i am writing these before acceptances happen so i have no good god damn idea if any other characters are film majors but hit me the hell up if they are bc i would love to plot some stuff out

old roommate(s) : lukas was probably an entertaining roommate but probably verged on annoying pretty easily. he’s messy, gross, probably didn’t respect the do ur fucking dishes rule in first year ( probs still doesnt tbh ). but he also has a password to every streaming account plus a phat hard drive full of movies and shows that he is absolutely willing to share with u so just depends what ur into i guess. maybe this connection led to friendship or maybe they hate each other now. im down for either/both

dealer: hi welcome back to bad decision town. lukas isn’t into any hard stuff but is a big weed smoker (to my understanding medicinal cannabis is allowed but lukas def doesn’t have a prescription), then after that it’s kind of just experimenting. will chat more details if u wanna take this connection

booze leachers: so yes lukas is 19 but he has four, thats right, four fake ids. he is not willing to give u his contact for fake ids but he is willing to buy u booze if u pay him. dont hate the player hate the game

gang gang: pretty much just a close group of friends. i imagine all pretty relaxed, all pretty chill. idk what to say here except i want people to care about him and let him put on dumb movies and watch them with him and probably have dumb matching stick and poke tattoos and hog a communal tv to play mario kart but lets talk about it

fast food workers deserve respect too: as mentioned, lukas works at a 24hr pizza joint near campus which means he’s seen some shit. one of the things he’s seen multiple times is drunk student trashing the place. whether it be vomit, forgetting how to hold a cup, or bet try at a food fight lukas has seen it and he’s cleaned it up too. this connection could be that maybe he helped someone out and cleaned them up and got them back to campus when their friends ditched and now they look out for lukas too and its a positive connection. or maybe lukas hates their guts and spits on their food whenever they show up ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ who’s to say

hot girl bummer by blackbear: now listen here’s an angsty connection i want, and i def want to plot it out way more with whoever takes it on but basic outline of what i have in mind: they’ve kind of sort of been dating for a while but they’re just falling out of whatever they had to begin with. they were never official, they probs def fucked around with other people while they were ““““together”””””, lots of oh sorry ur taking it so seriously i thought we were just chilling bullshit. all of this girls friends probs hate lukas and he definitely hates them back. were probably once really good friends and had a really good time together but they’ve lost it. will they find it again or will it fizzle out? lets find out together xoxo

new girl(s) : i hate the connection title too but i couldnt think of anything better. we’re in bad decision town and now we’re going to thot street babey. since things have been falling apart with hot girl bummer and even before that lukas a little bit of a thottie. this doesnt mean he’s good at it, please also feel free for a part of this to be that they rejected lukas and he got butt hurt about it idk lukas being attracted to them is basically this whole idea and i would wanna plot the rest of it more depending on specific characters wooo

lukas is a bad influence: if u have gotten this far u may have noticed that lukas is not a very good influence at all. this is someone probs his age or younger that wants to loosen up and have a good time and lukas completely encourages that. bonus points if this connection is a combo with the above connection bc lukas is a gross boi and would be like wow listening to my bad ideas thats so sexy and cool of u ya know. but also doesnt have to be that ! could just be lukas thinks its funny and thinks that someone listening to him is just like good content that could get him on barstool

lukas is badly influenced: this is basic as hell but someone that tells him to leave his impluse control at the door and encourages him to be trash. probs older than him and i def see this as more of a masc connection than a fem but like all my plot ideas: lets talk about it. this one probs v much depends on ur character so gonna leave this one nice and short

lukas is good-ly (??????) influenced: also basic as hell and p much just the opposite of above. someone who is a good influence on lukas. encourages creativity and ambition instead of straight up recklessness. again, i see it as an older character but no gender seen here. a lot of this would be based around ur character so lets chat

michael bublé’s co parents: lukas has a goldfish named michael bublé (or just michael), i picture him having got it while high as heck during the day and just being like This Is A Good Idea. maybe ur character was with him and they were co parents from the start or maybbe they came into the picture later ??? i’m honestly down for whichever just give michael the love he deserves pls

and probably just about anything else these are just some ideas, i totally wanna plot further and brainstorm so please still hmu if none of these fit ur character we’ll plot something up !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#columbiaintro #( about. )

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unproduciblesmackdown · 7 years ago

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and see now i didnt know masterpiece was gonna do an adaptation of little women.....i dont know if ive ever watched one all the way through

its a fun book if only because of how goddamn long it is, you get to be all following along and stuff......and like individual chapters can be fairly charming b/c its just like...cozy and all. and some scenes are just particularly fun....the Lively Second Oldest self-insert in jo is great too. cutting off all her hair scandalously, always an icon for that. its been ages since i last read through it so i’m like....feeling like theres some classic jo antic im missing here. its really too bad that she had to end up paired off with some older good christian father figure type guy out of nowhere, maybe b/c honestly it wouldve been too good if she got to date the other wild child of the night who was her bff and all....like, everything that happens is bound by Morals and virtuous christian lessons, rather than the characters or even the plot, which is overall just kind of like “several years pass”

coz as snuggly a read as it is and as fun as certain scenes are and following along with the characters are, its so constrained by the Moral Lessons for Virtuous Young Girls that every single arc has to land on. and i mean the author louisa may alcott was completely annoyed for that same reason too, she was actually having to make the book ultimately be a sort of christian guide for christian readers and it mustve been exasperating, especially for like, writing a book actually about girls and what they are like as people in their own women-only home, vs how you have to tell them how to be

off the top of my head, some particularly annoying points that were all “X character has to learn Y godly christian life path lesson”:

meg getting her hair burnt for all her vanity of trying to curl it like a god damn temptress instead of relying on ye olde humble godgiven natural looks

the entirety of what happens to meg after being married, aka in perpetual domestic servitude that required nonstop docility and charming housewifely attitude and being patronized by her Always Right husband and his manly wisdom and sensibility. i dont think louisa may alcott was fond of the concept of a married womans life, especially as per whatever christian morality had to say about it for 19th cent women

jo being lectured by her father figure i-guess-eventual-husband over the fact she made money as a writer via pulp stories, instead of like, following her heart as like a novelist or whatever. like she’s sinful for writing sensational lowly drivel and trying to get some god damn cash. i think she still has the chronically ill sister at that point. like lay off, you ass.

that same guy having to ward off the Evil Corrupting Modern Atheists. ok i get it. jesus and all

ok now im remembering married meg getting all In Trouble with her husband for buying herself expensive fabric for a dress. and feeling all ashamed like, her character is basically treated like a child in contrast with the unerring Good Sense of her husband and all his quiet mature disappointment in things she does and its like, good god. you were more respected during courtship. and ok i get it meg is so vain for caring about looks and clothes and hair and ughhhhhhH

and its funny with amy and her limes as the “following a schoolchums Trend and caring about social standing rather than being steadfast and detached from such frivolous matters” lesson but like also, let her have the 1860s equivalent of a beyblade or whatever and worry abt the immature stuff that matters to a like 10 yr old or whatever. jeez. christianity...

jo of course has to be punished for having a temper and has to settle down from her freespirited, unladylike ways in her maturity like.....yah ok

there’s like 827 chapters so of course a lot of them are just....especially heavy handed Lessons Of The Moment and dont even hardly have a plot

a lot of the Relationships in the end have to do with one character deciding to morally chastise another

im sure i’ll think of more Things That Chafed Most later. its like. Sigh

theres the time beth is the only one not affected by Sloth to go care for some sickly orphans and then she gets sick and nearly dies and doesnt but then does, so maybe thats a lesson in “dont overdo it.” syke she was pretty much A Timid Churchmouse Saint type so like...clearly her archetype was “actually too good for this world” and she had to die or else be cloistered forever. nowhere to go for that character type sorry. except heaven

also there is just a total lack of sexuality to anyone or anything at any time. everyones affections are very courtly and there is like, no concept of...idk, kissing even. jo is all “ugh why would you want to marry anyone, gross,” and its like, right on, and then she’s like “but anyways i myself will now marry this old scholarly dude who keeps acting like a dad at me” and its like. sigh. ppl have kids though too? it just........occurs...

but its got the fun parts anyways......i still remember a couple wild misconceptions i had the first time i read the book, the largest of which was that i completely missed the fact that beth dies like two thirds of the way through the book. i finished the book without noticing. i went about my life without noticing. i may have actually only noticed upon rereading it all later. she dies very euphemistically.

i also on my first reading didnt quite get the precise historical/cultural context in the very beginning b/c i didnt realize that like, describing laurie as brown and firmly establishing that he has dark eyes/skin/hair actually herein meant, like, “italian” rather than that he was black. it wasnt until i got a fair number of chapters past his introduction that i came across an illustration and was like ???????? whom?

well anyhow. i meant to be drawing rn instead of saying all this so i’ll just dump this out

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90sgrungewriter · 7 years ago

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6. Untitled - Eddie Vedder

Status: Unedited

Needless to say, most of the day was spent creating wacky works of art with Eddie. You's started with big scraps of paper and combined your minds together, and created some pretty wicked paintings. You smoked 2 joints by this time, so you both were pretty high, but as the time passed, you were starting to burn out.

"Wanna take a break? I'll order us some take-out." You stood up and made your way over to your kitchen and opened the drawer where all your takeout flyers were.

"Where from?" The voice cam from almost directly behind you. It startled you so you whipped around and noticed he was standing just a few feet away from you, hands in his pocket.

"Sorry, didn't think you scared that easy." He winked. You rolled your eyes.

"Well, now you know."

He met you at the island in the center of your kitchen and you looked to decide together where you would order from.

"Okay wait. So what are we thinking? Pizza, Greek, Chinese...?" you turned your head to the side to look at him.

"Mm, Chinese food sounds pretty good to me, right now." He said as he rested a hand on his slim tummy. You couldn't help but agree. It really did.

"Totally agree. What about Chen's Village? They have the best chicken chow mein." You gave him the brochure for the restaurant, and he took a few seconds to look it over, before approving.

"Alright, I'll have the fried tofu with mixed vegetables. You want me to call?" He offers. You nodded meekly.

"Please? I hate talking on the phone. This weird phobia of mine, I guess."

"Its ok, I'll call." He smiled. You pointed him to the phone that lay on the table and he quickly made the call. While he was doing so, you sneaked away to your room to grab your wallet from your purse. He payed for breakfast, so you thought it only to be fair if you were to pay for dinner. At the same time, you grabbed your fluffy blanket at the same time.

When you came back, you decided to clean up the living room a little. A few minutes later he came to help. After that was done, you tossed him the TV remote, and he plopped down on your couch and turned it on.

You were about to sit down too when you heard the doorbell. Before Eddie could even stand up you rushed to the door. The delivery person was a nice older lady, so you made sure to tip her a few extra bucks. She thanked you kindly, and you grabbed the food and shut the door. You turned to Eddie giving you a slight glare, arms crossed.

"You had this planned, didn't you?"

"Maybe." You winked.

"Couldn't you just let me be a nice guy and pay for you?" He said in a voice you knew he was picking on you.

"Oh shut up. You did pay for breakfast this morning, so can't you just let me be a nice girl and pay for you this time around?"

"Goddamn double standards." He cursed. You gently punched his arm with your free hand, and he swiped the food right out of your grasp.

"Hah! Its all mine now. " You chased him around your tiny apartment, the both of you laughing like crazy.

Finally catching up to him, you wrapped your arms around his torso, lifting his taller frame right off the ground.

"Hahaha, oh my god!" Eddie shouted laughing hysterically.

You set him down on the couch, ripping the big box of food from his hands this time.

"I cant believe you just picked me up. You're so tiny! Where do you hide all your muscles?" He stood up, and poked at your arms with his soft hands. You giggled as he continued to do so and followed you to the kitchen.

"I actually used to hit the gym a lot in whenever I was in high school. I went through this intense phase of getting fit, I used to always get picked on about my weight,and I never had a boyfriend so I always felt insecure about it. Anyway, I hit the gym and hit it hard. Got in pretty good shape, now I can kick ass, I guess." There was a lot missing to that story, but you didn't feel like venturing too far into it. Eddie nodded his head.

"But you're so tiny." He lifted your arm.

"Yeah, its been at least a year since I've been. Just caught up with life. Between work and school, and trying to keep somewhat of a social life...the gym just isn't much of an option for me right now." You smiled, taking out plates for your food. Once everything was set, Eddie grabbed both of your plates and brought them to the living room and set them down on the coffee table. He grabbed the remote flipping through the channels.

"Want something to drink Ed? Water, beer, a coke?"

"Maybe just some water please." He turned and shot you a toothy smile. While you filled the glasses with ice, you thought about the days events. You spent the whole day with Eddie today, and really enjoyed it. You hoped he wasn't just staying because he thought it would be rude if he left. But things seemed to be going right for you, for once. So, this one time, you convinced yourself that it wasn't true. You told yourself Eddie finds a good friend in you, and he enjoyed your company, as you did his. You poured cold water into the glasses and made your way to the living room, passing one to Eddie.

"Thank you." He looked at you and took a large gulp.

"You're welcome. Find anything interesting?" You sat down and wrapped your fuzzy blanket around the lower half of your body. Your legs were folded under your but and your body leaned toward the arm of the couch to your left. Eddie laughed.

"Comfy?"

"I am now." You laughed. As you were about to reach to grab your plate on the coffee table, Eddie beat you to it and set it gently down in your lap. You smiled up at him, he was so nice.

“Such a gentleman." He nodded, digging into his own plate of food.

“I try to be.”

Your eyes shifted to the TV to see you were watching some documentary about bugs. What a guy.

"I can change it if this grosses you out. There wasn't much else on." He laughed, mouthful of food.

"Its fine, I know. My channels suck. Thats why I own so many movies." You pointed to the corner where all your DVD's were stocked messily on a shelf. He nodded.

"Maybe we should watch one of those, then." He looked at you.

"Sure, you can check them out. Maybe eat first though, so your food doesn't get cold."

"Way ahead of ya." He winked again. Fuck off. Now he was going to start winking at you too? Like his cheekbones weren't enough. Goddamnit.

You cleared your throat and continued to eat.

"Thanks for spending the day with me Ed." You spoke, after a few moments of silence. Your food was delicious, and judging by the look on his face you could tell he felt the same way.

"Anytime."

"Oh, don't say that. I get pretty lonely quite often." You teased.

"Yeah, well me too.." He said softly, a small smile upon his lips. You observed him out of the corner of your eye, something you had been doing quite a lot, but couldn't help yourself. He was such an interesting guy.

"What do you mean by that?" You questioned curiously. He stayed quiet for a few moments, probably trying to word something properly in his mind.

"I don't know..I haven't every really spoken about my feelings to anyone. Or anything to anyone for that matter. Sometimes, barely even Beth." Ah, her. Almost forgot about her for a while. Almost. You scolded yourself mentally. Don't be such a bitch, Dani. The poor guy might spill something important to you, and all you can think about is your jealousy over his ex girlfriend? You were disappointed in yourself. He continued to speak.

"Talking about it to someone, well, you...just makes things seem more real. Maybe, some things I've been trying not to think about for a long time." He seemed very conflicted. You gently placed your hand on his shoulder, hoping to comfort him in a subtle way.

"Beth...She uh-well...I always made it seem like we had the perfect relationship. Like she was perfect, and if anything, she could do better than me." He finished up his plate of food, and set it gently on the table in front of him. You removed your hand to place your own plate, which still had some food left, but you didn't want to be rude while he was talking, down on the table also. You re-adjusted your position so that you were now facing him, legs crossed, blanket still wrapped around your legs. You suddenly remembered when you told him he could talk to you if need be, but you didn't actually think he would. But here he is, ready to probably tell you some serious shit. You suddenly grew nervous. You were happy he had chose to confide in you, but you were most definitely not the greatest when it came your turn to talk. You knew that maybe he wasn't expecting you to say anything at all, because that the way he was. Maybe he didn't chose you at all, maybe he just felt bad about the Stone situation. He knew you felt embarassed about it all, and maybe he wanted to make it more bearable for you by spilling his guts or something. Your rambling mind was interrupted by his sweet voice.

"I used to be so sure about us. The way she felt for me, our future. I thought it was set in stone. Seven years is a long time." You stayed quiet. The only sounds were the noises coming from the TV, but the volume wasn't very loud to begin with. He continued to talk.

"But then this happened. So abruptly, all these changes that were to take place in my life. I mean, I left San Diego, my home, to come here. That was a big enough change, and now the person I spent the last seven years waking up to every morning, I'll never see again." He looked down as he spoke, playing with the hem of his flannel. "My life took a complete turn and now, I feel like I don't know anything. What to do, how to feel, how to move forward. I was going to propose to her." That shocked you. Your eyes widened a little, but you still said nothing. There was nothing you could say, really.

"The first day I came here, after our first jam session, I went looking all around for jewelry stores to find here the perfect ring. Ironically, I didn't see any that I thought she'd like. I guess that was a good thing." He tried to joke lightly, but you didn't really laugh. It wouldn't have really been appropriate.

"I loved her, and I thought she loved me. But thinking about it these past couple of days...deep down, I knew. I always knew." He shook his head. Knew what?

"Knew what?" You repeated outside of your mind this time, quietly, curiously.

"There was always something missing. A piece, always a sense of emptiness in our relationship." You were still slightly confused.

"Her love. It was never there. Maybe at first, but as time went by... I think she just got used of me being there. I was a part of her life she was just used to having around." You nodded, finally understanding. Your heart hurt for him. You could never imagine someone in there right minds doing that to someone like Eddie. He deserved better.

"I at least thought she cared about me though. But looking back on it... she surely didn't. You don't fuck over the ones you care about." Ain't that the truth.

"I'm a bit scared. I don't know where I stand, with almost anything. The guys seem to like me, but what if I do something stupid and mess up? If that happens, I go back to San Diego to start back at zero again. No girlfriend, no band, no job. Nothing." He leaned his back against the back of the couch. Your eyes followed his all the way there, filled with worry for him. You decided it was time to say something.

"First things first, the guys fucking love you, man. That should not be a worry in your little head, so flush that one away. Okay? If anything, they're probably scared to lose you. After Andy... things are looking up for them right now and I'm sure they don't want their hard work to go down the drain." You leaned over to get a bit closer to him, but not too close. "Secondly, Ed. I'm speaking as a true friend to you right now, whatever happened with Beth is not the end of anything. I mean, it is the end of a relationship, but it’s also a new beginning." He turned his head, eyes bore into yours, he rose a brow in question.

"Well for one, all those feelings of worry, angst and emptiness you felt when you were with her, thats all over with. You won't have that weighing you down anymore." You hoped you worded that properly. "It seems to me, this all happened for the best, for you. It may not seem like it right now, but maybe in a few months you'll be happier than you ever have been. You never know. Life works in some mysterious ways Eddie, thats one thing I can tell you for sure." You smiled lightly over at him. He stayed quiet for a few moments, eyes locked to yours. You shifted uncomfortably, had you said something wrong? You hoped not.

"I think... I think you're right." He spoke, sitting up straighter, tearing his eyes away from your own. Oh thank god. You smiled. "A new beginning. Huh. Never thought of it like that..."He drifted.

You patted his back gently. "Atta boy!" You joked. He laughed and nudged your shoulder.

"Thanks, Dani. Much better than the advice you gave me the other night." He teased. Your jaw dropped and you punched his shoulder this time around.

"Fuck you, I tried!" You couldn't help but laugh, and so did he. Quite some time had passed, and you two went on talking. It nearing 9:00, but you weren't tired yet. After all, you did end up sleeping in quite a bit this morning. You knew you couldn't miss your class tomorrow though. You stood up, the blanket falling to the floor, as you picked the plates up of your coffee table and brought them to the kitchen. You set them in the sink for now, you didn't really feel like doing dishes at this moment.

"Thanks for dinner and the eventful day. I had fun painting with you...oh and letting me rant, thanks for that." He stated awkwardly, scratching the back of his neck.

"Anytime, Ed." You smiled warmly.

"I should get going though. I gotta shower, I'm starting to stink."

"Is that what I've been smelling?" You scrunched your nose teasingly and the two of you laughed. You followed him to your door.

"Thank you for spening the day with me, Eddie. And for breakfast this morning. Say hello to my boys for me, alright?" You opened your door for him as he finished lacing up his white boots.

He straightened out and pulled you into a quick, and awkward hug. Safe to say, it didn't last long. He waved goodbye and promised he would say hi to the guys. When he was halfway down the hall of your building he shouted at you "don't forget our gig friday!"

"Wouldn't dream of it, Vedder." You waved back at him this time, a toothy grin plastered on your face, as you watched him disappear down the stairs.

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rznjun · 8 years ago

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13, 14, 17, 33 (i really want to know too aksjsj👀, 26, 43, 62, 69 (i think i already know the answer but aksjsj😈), 83, 92, 113, 141, 153, 159, 167 these are a lot good luck bub aksjs💕

shdhjsfgsd i guess its only fair you ask me so many too i love you lina 💕💕💕

send me some numbers?

13. When did you fall in love for the first time:tbh im not sure if ive ever fallen in love up till now??? i totally thought i was in love with the girl i liked but when i got into a relationship with her every feeling just vanished so ?? ??? idk im still waiting for it to happen jsjdhjs

14. Who Is Your Longest Friend & How Long:probably my sister [is that sad] apparently she hated me at first but after i turned 1 she got used to me and i rly think ive been friends the longest with her lol

17. When was the last time you laughed hard:i think it was last thursday bcs my mom and my sister and i went to an amusement park and we had so much fun my mom always makes the weirdest sounds in attractions sdhjshfjdsf

33. What is the most embarrassing thing you have done drunk?hfdjshfj this revenge,,,,,, ,,anyway like i said ive luckily never thrown up but im a very affectionate drunk [st op me] but like the first time i went out i slept over at a friend’s and we ended up spooning and i kept kissing her back WHICH WAS SUPER AWKWARD FOR HER but i thought i was being extremely cute and she still wont let it go to this day pls send help

26. Is your ideal occupation?occupation as in job? bcs i have absolutely no clue as to what i want to do later :/ id love to do smth creative or to do with the arts but thats rly tough so i honestly dont know :(((

43. Favorite movie?this question will forever haunt me??? idk ive never been able to pick a favorite movie,,,i mean i like the lotr series and captain america: the winter soldier was really good but favorite?? ehhhhh??????

62. If money were no concern, what would you do for the rest of your life?id drop out of school immediately and travel the world and paint and draw and design and just live the life i want to have omg

69. Would you rather be in a relationship with a totally submissive partner or a totally dominant partner?dhsajhd im pretty certain you guessed right bcs im going for the dominant partner lmao although i dont want them to be totally dominant [in bed is fine tho sdsjfsddsfdg] in normal life we’d have to be of equal standing!!!

83. Describe the last dream you remember: i always have rly stupid and boring dreams jsjhsd i only dreamt that i just woke up and had a normal vacation day and then i had to work and then i woke up in my dream and i thought i had to do my whole day over again but then i actually woke up in real life and i realised i didnt have to work dsjfhdjhfskf

92. Do you smoke cigarettes or cigars? What about marijuana? ive never smoked cigarettes or cigars and definitely dont plan to ugh smoking is gross but i have smoked a joint once [i also had space cake that was WILD] anyway the joint made me feel a lil funny but it mostly made me cough and wasnt worth the throat ache lol

113. If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why?ahh this is so difficult! i think i would like to move to a place like sweden maybe? or korea lets be real dsjd

141. What are you like when you’re drunk? like i said im so affectionate it could get annoying dshdfhs i always confess my love to anyone and im just overall in a good and happy mood so id say im a fun drunk to be around, esp if you dont mind me kissing and hugging you jsjdjsjd

153. What is your biggest goal in life?to be happy i think,,,,, that sounds so sad sdgsjhd but id just like to have enough money to travel where i want and maybe one day settle down [w/ a girlfriend pls]

159. Describe your dream girl/guy?alright so my dream gal would really have to be someone i can laugh with! laughing is one of the most important things in my life so thatd come first and she’d have to be a bit pragmatic and like,,,, not talk abt our love as if its never ending and stuff??? like im too much of a capricorn to believe in ‘true love’ or ‘the one’ hdshjd but i guess if she can get me to believe in it thatd be great too!!! also calm and collected when it comes to approaching difficult subjects but she totally needs to know how to have a good time too jsjdds anway im a pragmatic bitch with standards that are way too high so im never gonna get a gf either way lmao

167. Favorite fictional character (movie, book, tv show)? AHH DIFFICULT omg i dont know? okay i LOVE olivier armstrong from fma brotherhood but thats bcs im just super gay for her,,,,,,,,also lance from voltron bcs i relate to the boy so much! he’s just a sad gay who needs some lovin :’’’’’’’’’’’’’’’(((((((((( yeah i guess those two sdsjf im probably gonna think abt this again and come up with some better answer lol

#asdghsjdjas i had to put this under a read more too lmao #i wrote so much gofjdksdgmfdg #that last q rly made me think too much omg #i love you lina this was so much fun <333 #jiminsoftgf #ask

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leaughrilke · 8 years ago

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Superbabies: I wanna know about arguments in their household! What happens when Kara and Lena fight? What about if the kids fight with the parents? What about between the kids?

oh ho ho okay (i am quite literally rubbing my hands together bc ARGUMENTS R MY SHIT)

so like?? kara and lena dont ever rlly Fight, u know?? no big blow outs, particularly after the kids come along like they bicker sometimes and have deeper arguments but there’s no big blow up bc that’s not healthy and they know it, recognize it. the few times they’ve had a Big Fight were p early in their relationship when lena was still sort of self-sabotaging and kara was sort of doing the same tbh but then they developed the ever helpful tool of ~healthy communication~ so when they argue, it’s usually p tame

that said, they DO fight sometimes and they dont like......go out of their way to hide it?? bc like its a reality of relationships, you argue sometimes, and they want their kids to see that it happens and that you still love each other at the end of them and they want them to see how to deal with relationship issues healthily?? that’s a big thing for lena tbh, bc she had to learn it all when she was an adult, never had any reference point for what a healthy long term relationship was supposed to look like until kara, rlly, so she rlly wants their kids to know what a solid, healthy, happy relationship looks like

so it usually goes down like this: whatever small disagreements they’ve been having (usually over the same subject or maybe a series of related topics) will kind of build up and then sometimes its kara that starts it by rolling her eyes when lena starts in on it or sometimes its lena snapping at kara but eventually it Starts and it will last for days at a time sometimes bc they both think they’re right or if they know they’re wrong, they’re not willing to admit it Right Then but anyway it will last for a while (their record is three weeks, it happened right after they found out lena was pregnant with finn, it was A Mess), but like?? they still love each other?? kara still makes lena’s coffee in the mornings and lena still picks up a pint of kara’s favorite ice cream bc she saw they were out the other day and like?? tbh thats what the kids take away from it most

but yeah, so they argue in front of the kids sometimes but they never let it get ugly, always know when to say we need to step away from this and come back later, so they will and they’ll cool off and they’ll resolve whatever it is they’re dealing with

and it’s mostly just background noise for the kiddos?? like they barely notice it bc their moms dont rlly act any different when they’re in the middle of a fight, like yeah maybe they’re not as gross as usually, maybe the kiddos dont walk in on their moms making out in the kitchen, but thats like?? it??

one of maia’s friend’s parents fight a lot, like loud screaming matches, and one time maia’s staying over when they get into it and she’s so shocked?? ? like holy shit why are they yelling at each other

uh they’re fighting?? you said your moms fight sometimes

um yeah sort of

she goes home the next day and just hugs her moms like holy shit she never realized how good she and finn and stella have it, like she can’t imagine living with screaming matches every other day

catch the rest of this under the cut bc i just realized its super long, sorry @ mobile users

NOW WHEN THE KIDDOS FIGHT WITH THEIR MOMS?? strap in friend

so each kid has their own style of arguing with their moms?? and it varies between kara and lena too like maia fights with kara one way but lena another ANYWAY

so finn isnt v loud when he’s upset?? he rlly isnt and he shies away from the term fighting even, prefers disagreement instead, so like when (on v v few occasions) he gets into an argument with his moms, its always p quiet?? and usually resolved by the end of the day tbh like he’s one of those ppl that Cannot go to bed with shit left unresolved, he has a thing abt starting every day with a clean slate (this occasionally means some long nights)

like the biggest things he ever argues with kara abt are like his willingness to cover up whatever maia’s gotten up to and the fact that he is complicit in a lot of kind of shady stuff his sisters get up to when they kind of become vigilantes and he’s had a total of maybe two arguments with lena and both of them were during and about his one rebellious phase where he broke curfew a few times and gave his moms some scares by letting his phone die bc he was feeling ~reckless~

his arguments with kara tend to last p long?? like days/weeks sometimes bc they are rlly a lot alike but in different ways?? like finn has a slightly narrowed moral compass i guess, where he can excuse what his sisters do bc theyre his sisters and they’re doing whatever it is for good reason but kara’s like?? no it’s still dangerous and not well planned and also illegal but neither of them ever yell (quite honestly kara and lena have like never yelled at their kiddos except when they’re in imminent danger??) but they dont rlly raise their voices so there’s just a lot of stony silence until someone (usually stella) sort of shoves finn’s shoulder and says you dont have to defend us, what we did was fucked up or approaches kara and is like hey, dont be angry with him

and then when he goes to apologize or she comes to him they both end up crying. listen, they’re a soft ass family ok tears happen A Lot

the two times finn has argued with lena were both v short, happened v late at night bc she stayed up until he came home and both included the phrase (from finn) i get to be a kid too, you know and both times that final phrase made lena stop dead and just. give up?? like god, he’s right, he’s taken on a lot of responsibility in their family, so lena just sort of gathers him up and hugs him rlly tight and is like we’ll talk about extending your curfew but please don’t ever scare your mother and i like that ever again and finn is like ??? ok???

for sure figured he was getting grounded for weeks but instead he ended up with an extended curfew and like........one weekend of being grounded

MAIA OH MY GOD maia fights with kara a lot when she’s older, bc she has like?? a v different moral code i guess like do no harm but take no shit kind of goes out the window, like maia’s taken this stance that the second u threaten her ppl, she’s well within her rights to beat your ass and she with lena she argues a lot during this one earlier period in her life where she gets into some bad situations and lena’s like ??? sweetheart what are you doing and maia’s sort of like GOD I CAN MAKE MY OWN CHOICES IM MATURE and lena’s trying v hard not to let it turn into a fight but, well, maia is trying v hard to turn it into a fight

so like her arguing with kara tends to happen more as maia’s an adult tbh and it sometimes escalates to full yelling bc at a certain point she becomes kara’s colleague at the deo and when she does stupid shit, she’s endangering a lot of ppl, including her siblings and her moms and herself

meanwhile she fights with lena a lot as a teenager over stupid shit rlly like it’s not always abt deep shit but when it is it gets rlly uncomfortable bc lena hates arguing with her kids, she does, and maia’s not like finn, won’t ever get to the heart of why she’s angry at lena so it’s just?? it’s messy and bad and lena makes sure that maia’s left the house before she starts crying and maia makes sure she’s well out of the city before she starts crying and finn and stella and kara usually run damage control for them bc otherwise they’d be in this holding pattern of just sort of being like we’re okay.......for NOW and then having more and more arguments bc they never get to the heart of the matter and yeah, maia feels rlly guilty when she’s older abt how she treated lena as a teenager

and there have been times where she fights with both her moms at the same time, like there’s this period in her life (like around her sophomore/junior year of high school??) where she gets into a p bad situation that she refuses to let her moms know abt so they only see her cutting class and her grades falling and her like yelling at her siblings so they sit her down abt it and it results in several Big Arguments that end p badly and damage everyone’s trust for a little while bc now kara and lena are like?? holy shit what is she into??? and maia feels like her moms dont ~understand~ even though they legitimately would if she would just tell them whats going on and she feels like she can’t tell them so it’s a Mess for a while

stella refuses to argue with her moms. she just Wont do it. she rlly kind of refuses to fight with anyone she cares abt bc she can feel what they feel and that fucks with how she feels and idk it’s weird, sometimes other ppls emotions influence her or sometimes her emotions influence others. bc of that, she tries to avoid it if she can but obviously it happens sometimes

this is her MO; she never lets it turn into a real argument, she’ll just like.....walk into room with whichever mom she’s irritated with or both if that’s the situation and just be v blunt like im angry that you wouldnt let me go out with ari last night and then she retreats before they can say anything else. then, probably a couple hours later, she comes back and says another thing like it wasn’t fair because you let finn do the same thing and i feel like you treat me differently than him or maia and then retreats. and then FINALLY she’s kind of gotten a hold on her own emotions and feels like she’ll actually be able to speak with her moms without losing control and then its not even an argument so much as a debate rlly

like the weird stop start pattern is how she has to go about it so she knows that no one’s emotions are influencing anyone else’s??? like that way she knows she’s not making kara or lena angrier and she knows that they’re not making her any angrier, that whatever they bring to the table is their own

her moms thinks its rlly cute and also theyre rlly sad that she has to like.....live like this?? like she’s so terrified of ever taking away someone’s free will that she’ll just drag out a highly uncomfortable experience (stella Hates confrontation and, if given the opportunity, would probably just get it all done and over with in one go but sadly that is not an option for her) just to make sure she’s not doing anything wrong irt other ppl

she tends to argue with kara more?? bc thats who, in general, does actually treat her a bit differently bc she’s the one that’s like painfully aware that stella’s not kryptonian. like and that’s not a problem obviously!! kara loves her just the same as she loves finn and maia but it’s just scary for kara bc there’s a certain level of comfort in knowing finn and maia are stronger and faster and virtually invulnerable, and it’s terrifying that her youngest, tiniest child isnt. like even just physically?? stella is so much smaller than her siblings and that’s just like a visual representation of their differences and its scares kara so so much every time stella walks out the door. so she’s the one that generally is like hey maybe wear flats, you dont want to break your ankle or you cant go out in this weather, you’ll catch your death and stella’s like ??? you dont treat maia and finn like theyre babies and she gets rlly angry abt stuff like that bc she knows she’s different?? but she doesnt like getting reminded

her arguments with lena arent even arguments like they rlly are essentially debates over rlly small insignificant stuff, like it rarely gets heated, feelings are never hurt. that said, she’s had like one Major argument with lena and thats like when stella starts doing her own vigilante shit, like learns jiu jitsu and krav maga and gets maia’s best friend beth (a tech genius interning at l-corp) to help her with the gadgetry and lena’s the first to find out and she’s like No, no you’re not doing this, this isn’t safe and stella’s like technically i am an adult so yeah i am doing this and its more a battle of wills?? like there’s no out and out confrontation but it’s a weird few months until there is

NOW WHEN THE KIDDOS FIGHT

they rlly dont fight that much but usually its between finn and maia, with stella and their moms playing peace maker/referee. like.....thats their dynamic, their built in system. finn and maia’s inherent morality go against each other like at nearly every turn bc finn is such a pacifist and maia rlly rlly isnt, like even from when they were little that was like the main source of conflict for them

like finn always feels like he needs to go along with whatever maia’s up to just to minimize damage?? keep collateral damage low, u know?? and maia’s fine with that, likes having her brother with her as back up, likes not feeling so alone in her rage, but he’s kind of useless help, always standing behind her and telling her to leave it, walk away, it’s not worth it but like it fucking is?? to her???

they do get into screaming matches sometimes. like......they’ll fly up out of sight of the city and just rip into each other and whenever they come back home, they just will not look at each other for a while. and stella’s left adrift bc they’re some of her favorite ppl and holy shit, what if this is the fight that rlly breaks them all apart?? so she runs between them, trying for damage control, but she’s not v good at it bc she’s way too invested, soaks up all their emotions like a sponge and comes away from it worse for wear

and like kara and lena are always on top of the situation, u know?? like they may not always know what their kiddos are fighting abt bc their arguments tend to wander to different things so what they may hear abt may not be what started it, but they always know when they’re fighting and usually they’ll each take on one of them to talk to, exchange notes, make a plan, help them figure out a compromise

and best yet, they know when sometimes they just need to step back and let them work it out for themselves??? like they know when to back away and when to pull stella away bc, bless her, she’s still desperately trying to fix everything bc its wildly uncomfortable for her whenever there’s tension in the house, so sometimes the best thing is just to distract her with other stuff and let finn and maia work whatever it is out between themselves (and they always do like, at the end of the day, they love each other a lot and rlly arent ever abt to let anything come between them)

on the occasions that stella’s ever fighting with someone, it’s usually maia and its usually that theyre both kind of jealous of the other?? like maia is everything stella wishes she was, all tall and gorgeous and smart and kryptonian but stella isnt angry all the time, doesnt have this rage eating away at her, can live her life without wanting to put holes in walls every day and so they get jealous of the other and the get irritated and they get fucking angry and maia’s so angry, stella can’t help but absorb some of that, even if she’s being careful

they mostly fight during high school?? like thats when its just the two of them in the house, after finn’s off at college, that’s when there’s no buffer between them and that’s when stella so desperately wants to be like her big sister, that’s when maia doesnt want to have to take over for finn as stella’s protector, wants to live her own life for once goddammit

and like??? it’s kind of out of nowhere. like kara and lena dont see it coming but one day kara hears maia screaming and is like fuck and flies home and is like ???? when its just her and stella, red faced and breathing hard and stella looks like she’s on the verge of tears and maia looks as if she wants nothing more than to just leave and she tries to play peace maker but it only seems to make it worse bc both girls feel like she’s taking the other’s side and they both storm off and kara’s still just sort of ?????? what the actual fuck ???

they dont fight often, but they do actually play dirty bc they both know where to poke and prod and press to hurt the most and they rlly dont ever Truly work through it until they’re like full grown adults, like stella’s in college and maia’s grown and living in opal city and stella calls her when she’s like real fucking wasted and is like hoooooly shit we’re fucked up maia, we’re real shitty to each other?? but we shouldnt be because i love you, i love you so much and i miss you and did you know jungle juice is really strong??? its so strong maia. maia did i tell you i love you because i do a lot

maia’s sort of freaked out by the confession/apology and she’s freaked out by the way stella’s slurring her words and she almost just calls kara to go get her but this is her baby sister and she called her?? she called maia, not finn, not kara, not lena, she called maia, so maia grabs a comfy sweater and hauls ass to stella’s university and just bundles her baby sister up and gives her a lot of water to drink and stays with her that night and helps her with her hangover the next day and stella’s sort of shocked she came (stella also doesnt rlly remember her phone call but u know, semantics) but then maia hangs around until stella’s like a little less hungover and she makes them dinner and is like so, we should talk and then they do !! and they actually finally are truthful with one another, finally say what they mean and its rlly good and stella’s so so happy bc she has her big sister back and maia’s over the fucking moon like she missed stella so much, remembers when they were little and she would braid stella’s hair and show her how to balance on a skateboard

#supercorp #supergirl #lena luthor #kara danvers #superbabies #do u know how hard it is for me to write healthy arguments + resolution??#my family got me fucked up #tinytoffeebean #human interaction

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norman-reedus-gossip-mod · 8 years ago

Text

bulk

--mod-- you know the deal

Anon: anon people don' like her cos she cheated on 1st husband and cheated on JJ twice. She sneaked around with NR all year. She set him up last week. She told stories to the papers (this was proven actually if you look). She is rude to people and even stalked his ex girlfriends social media and liked posts to make him to be a liar. She lies herself and sets up pap shots for herself all the time. She is a fake and the reason she doesn't get much work is cos people dontlike working with her.

Anon: There is indeed a girl on twitter who says NR was with his girlfriend. Someone asked if he was alone and she answered "con su novia" (with his girlfriend).

Anon: Just my theory , norman's peeps wouldnt lie and def not sayingg " just friends" if norm knew he would dating her 2 weeks after they denied it , i think she is in love with norman and tries to get his attention as much as she can (and yes incl media) , norm know for sure she likes him so he might invited her AS A FRIEND to hangout in Spain or Barcelona (wherever they are)OR talk about stuff and thaangzzz , which i hope so he can make her mouth shut to call the media or her worthless attention. 😊

Anon: Mod what do you make of the pics with fans? Why would he take pics with fans if DK were right there? Maybe it's not even her. Maybe it was someone from the gallery. --mod-- I just assumed he was alone.

Anon: So you still think norman and diane are not dating? --mod-- Basically

Anon: sorry for English. I am so sad . Is he lie? How to trust anything from him? --mod-- Nothing's confirmed. Just suspicion and speculation

Anon: And i was about to say " i finally live happy in my Normie fantasy , hopefully that one person wont ruined it" , apparently i would say it too soon 😂 --mod-- So you're the jinx ehh anon

Anon: norman as a fuck buddy that is willing to travel to the other side of the ocean for sloppy seconds?! lol of course he denied...he doesnt have anything serious with her...what is he going to say now? oh this is my friend that i fuck now and again??like he comes like a major dishonest person regardless of their status. actually have nothing to do with that is the way he dealt with it. --mod-- Whys it gotta be sloppy tho.

Pinyah: This mean JDM agree with Norman and dk thing? --mod-- I couldn't guess

Anon: I personally didn't see the comment so maybe you can dig it up but someone on IG said the girl who took the picture of Norman and the unknown woman on his bike said it's his curator "Laurie". Again not sure if true because I didn't see her comment by myself. If she said it we could easily put the upcoming shitstorm to rest already. I sure hope it's right.

Anon: Yep Mod, look at normanreedustea. One of the girls who posted her pics with Norman was asked on Twitter if he was alone and she answered "con su novia" which means "with his gf". And why would she say this if it wasn't obvious it's his gf. Deeply disappointed and disgusted of him. No longer going to support him. Official lying is such a shame. Hope his reps and AMC are going to kick his ass for this debacle

Anon: Well ok I was in grammar school when HC(who can I just take a moment to say how cool and beautiful she is, goals people) and N were a thing, but I I highly doubt this is the same thing. Tbh up until Sky came out, I thought January Jones and DK were the same person lol All jokes aside, if this were his gf, or shit someone he bangs on the reg, wouldn't he I dunno see her more than occasionally hanging out? Like if I remember correctly didn't his child bride (CS) used to visit in GA? lmao. Mod?

Anon: To the anon that says DK stalks his exes, is this true? Cause that's a lifetime movie in the making I can totally get behind. Where's PRwife when we need her? She seems to know her shit.

Anon: I don't know who NR and DK think they're fooling at this point 😂 does anyone still believe they're not a couple?! --mod-- Me

Anon:   

Wow, a lot of people think Norman "owes" his fans the truth about his romantic life. He really, really doesn't. If you want to think he's a liar because his rep said he & DK are friends, OK. But maybe think about, if he did lie, are there reasons he might, including possibly the way fans react? Why would he put DK through that if they aren't even sure themselves if they're a couple? There are lots of reasons that he might "lie" that don't have anything to do with disrespecting fans.   Anon:  Hi mod, i just came to say goodbye and thank you for this blog <3 i think i'm done with the dk thing and i need a break from this blogs and stuff. I'm sad not because he's with her, but because he denied the rumors and, even if they are just friend (which i don't believe), he's not taking care of his reputation right now. At least he could stay away from her a pair of weeks of something, to shut the rumors, but he didn't. He deserves to be happy, i know, but i'm just done with him. Love you mod! --mod-- Well come by and say hi sometime I'll be here  

Anon:   I find it funny that Norman's people had that video removed. Shows how much we can trust him and his people. 

--mod-- Who said he had his people remove it. You do realize that it had something on it the was supposed to be a surprise feature in the show right  Anon:  I don't get all the hate. He's a grown man and can be together with whom he wants. I don't like DK, but it's his private business. And he doesn't have to render an account of his private life. And if he says to the public that they aren't together to have at least some kind of privacy, that's totally fine bye me.    

Anon:  

Maybe I was wrong, maybe it's DK that has a magic 🐱, cause it sounds like he's risking his reputation and career on her. I just think he needs to either come clean, or she can pull the stick out of her ass and say something. I still don't think they're in a serious rs, but regardless, it's kind of shady. I mean if I had a bf and he was going to basketball games with other women and walking around acting single, I'd cut his dick off and feed it to him lol    Anon:  I don't want to shit on anybody's parade but have you guys seen the the accounts that has commented on the IG user's that posted those pic? Except maybe one or two EVERYONE shares the same things, saying the same things. It seems to be one person but with different accounts. This takes the credibility down a lot. Someone seems out to just spread gossip and ruin lives       

Anon:  

Mod is it 100% confirmed that it's her? Maybe it's me but I don't think Norman would be taking selfies with Fans on the street while DK was standing beside him...? 

--mod-- Nothing's been confirmed   

Anon:  

look, i always side eyed him for even being friends w her. having followed her career a bit before i even got in to TWD (after the QT movie), she just seems like a nasty piece of work, & I don't know what NR sees in her. that said, if he actually fucks someone on the DL, while getting his rep to officially deny even casually dating, then that would be as scummy a move as any desperate game she has played. possibly worse. i really hope NR is such a fucking lowlife  and thats not to say NR can't fuck people casually, but to me, its one thing to have a fuck buddy or hook up w one nighters, its an entirely different thing to constantly have someone fly around to meet you, spend time together, fuck them on a very regular basis, and then deny that you even casually date. there is nothing wrong w saying "they go out but its not serious". its really gross to hide a woman, shuffle her around, fuck her, then say "we're just friend" while having her meet 2 fuck   

Anon: Do people need their eyes checked those purses are not the same and neither are the boots go take a good look at them I swear as soon as people think it's DK they believe everything I'm giving norman the benefit of the doubt until I see her actual face

 Anon: *Also to be fair, I can put on Twitter right now I saw Norman blowing dudes behind an Arby's, it doesn't make it true. Although he seems to be classier than Arby's, maybe In N Out?

 --mod-- Dying 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣  

Anon:

DK posted a picture of her and Fabienne yesterday, and they were both at his Paris art show, so they're probably both just there supporting him for his Barcelona show  

Anon: Mod I have a theory: I think Norman has INVITED DK to the 2nd art show this time because of all the hate she was getting over the garage pics (even though it's obvious she *did* set them up) I think he's trying to show that he's still FRIENDS with her to the public. And maybe he thinks because he officially denied it that everything would be fine on his side. Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way. So he has to do something to clear the air AGAIN imo because this is only hurting him Anon: Ok, you can so tell that DK & NR are dating! N wants to keep it a low profile cuz he knows his fans tend to get a lil craycray and he feels bad for all the threats towards his gfs. Plus those pics from Spain... that's definitely her purse & shoes. Common. But honestly, N has gotta live his life and be happy; his true fans would support him. I may not like DK, and I doubt their relationship would last that long anyway 😂 ..but whatever. Don't let it bother ya'll too much. ✌🏻 Anon:  

Have to vent about ppl saying it's none of our business-True we have no say in what he does& he doesn't owe us explanation, but when we're spending our money buying into an image he puts forth on a regular basis & repeats in all his interviews only to find out that he isn't any of the things he claims to be, I think there's a right to be upset about who we thought we were supporting. It's not that he COULD be with someone, it's that he would have lied about it after preaching honesty. :(

    normanreedusdaryldixon32 : 

I just want to say over the DK thing.  I’ve been a fan of Norman since the boondock saints and now. I always supported him and I loved how cute, sweet, honest to his fans which he still is to his fans. In my opinion since he done the film ‘Sky’ he has changed. He says that he hates “dishonest people” but his acting like one. I do believe he deserves a woman who loves, respects, cares, supports him now matter what. But DK is not that type a girl as we all know. I hate the fact he lied to his fan or whatever. I also don’t understand 'if’ they are “friends” what kind of friend goes over to Spain to see them It doesn’t make any sense to me. I think Norman should get his head out of his ass and just think for once. Like a said before I do believe he deserve a woman that loves, cares, respects, ect. But DK is disrespectful, rude, mean, treats her fans like shit. I don’t want Norman turning into that person. Maybe he won’t turn into that person. But I just don’t get what does he see in her? DK must be so desperate. But now I’m so disappointed in you Norman. 😔    

Anon:  

mod I saw on ig that norman's make up artist says she was with him today? is that true? because why would he have been riding around with dk, met with the curator and gone to a make up artist all in a day? maybe it's not dk?   

Anon:  

DK's style, behavior, and interests "suddenly changed" since she's been gunning for NR. She's seeking to trap him and she's just about there. She's as manipulative and inauthentic as they come. Hope NR thinks it's worth it, that and all the money he's going to lose to this scheming woman. Now is when he needs a true friend to give it to him straight, but everyone is afraid tip-toeing around the glaring issue.  

normanreedusdaryldixon32 :  

This is not a question: Seeing Norman on that bike with DK makes me so angry. Let me explain why because I've been a fan of Norman since the boondock saints. I loved how cute and honest to his fans. But now since he done 'Sky' he has been very disappointing lately. He says he hates people are dishonest but he acting like one. But do believe he deserves a woman who truly loves him and not just for his work or fame. But Dk is not that kind of girl she's so dishonest ect. It's disappointing Norman    

Anon:  

To the ones grasping at straws saying he didn't lie, you're leaving out the part where the denial said JUST friends. JUST meaning ONLY friends as in no romance. They also denied a romantic trip which the implications of that are a romance. But they denied the trip thereby also denying a romance. Sorry guys. He lied.  

--mod-- Question, does having say a friend with benefits, not saying that's what's going on, considered romantic?

 Anon:  

So mod I respect your opinin the most. What do you make of all of that stuff with the biker girl? Do you think it's DK? And if you do, then what do think of the denial? It's very confusing if he issued a denial only to be caught redhanded with her again two weeks later. I can't figure out what he would be thinking. I also saw some fanselfies he was taking which is odd if she were with him. What do you think? --mod-- I'll be perfectly honest. I really just don't care. It doesn't matter if it's her or it's not. I think the denial still stands, I'm mean I've travel half way around the world to visit a guy friend, and no we weren't playing flesh Tetris. But again I super unbothered and don't really care who's beast he's smothering   Anon:  This guy is just an ass. He is letting DK play people and he doing it as well. People hate cheaters and liars. You have both right here. Surely you don't deny the dishonesty?   

Anon:  Mod, did you find out who it was on the bike? Was it her? --mod-- Nope   

Anon:

 I'm telling you folks, if that video was taken down it was because it was bought by Reedus' folks. What a damn fool he is to risk so much on such a classless woman. Do you believe it was purchased before gossip rags got to it?

   Anon:  

I can't stop crying. It just changes everything about him. He's not the same guy. he was so special and down to earth to me and now he is no better than anyone else in showbiz. He sells fans an image for money and he doesn't care about any of us. not really or he wouldn't have lied. He tried to trick us into thinking he wasn't with her and even released a pr statement saying they were just friends? I am so depressed i can't stop crying  

--mod-- You shouldn't cry anon. Just because he's made a few mistakes and maybe has tried to hide something, doesn't change him completely, we all do shady things in life but that doesn't change us completely. Sure he may have lied and avoided telling the truth but that doesn't negate the time and effort he gives fans. But I do understand why you feel the way you do

 Anon:  

i'm sorry to be rude but this man is ignorant as hell playing this game and clearly he doesn't realize just how this is going to back fire. He's risking it all for a tramp. DK has what she wants, attention. She is sacrificing NR in the process and he's just stupid. Hate he is such a liar and now proven to have no character at all. He made a lot of professionals look like idiots. What an asshole. What's your position Mod? --mod-- I don't have one. I'm not bothered by it.   

Anon:  

Norman is a huge disappointment. Not only is he a LIAR but also a COWARD & a SNEAK. Not to mention a CHEATER!!! I lost all respect for him. He just lost a long time fan.    

Anon:  

Mod I can't even watch TWD anymore bc I hate Norman for LYING to his fans & sneaking around like we wouldn't find out. He thinks we're all stupid & doesn't give a shit about us. He disrespects his fans therefore I cannot continue to be his fan bc I need to admire & look up to someone I spend time following on IG, watching his shows, spending money on his movies, photo ops, merchandise, etc. He doesn't respect his fans so I don't respect HIM anymore. I'm done. Goodbye Mod & the nice ladies here --mod-- Farewell Dear Anon until we meet again  

Anon:  

Hey Mod, I was looking at the pics and I don't think it's the same shoes as DK. If you look at the ones in the NYC pic there don't seem to be a distinct heel. The chick on the bike, her shoes have a heel you can see. Also, that's not the same backpack she has in the NYC pic. DK has a purple backpack on. The purse is the only thing that's fishy imo.    

Anon:  

It doesn't prove anything mod but I just noticed that DK's knapsack in the NYC pics are purple. The girl on the bike has a black knapsack.    Anon:  I kind of hope after this if he isn't giving DK the hot beef injection, he's fucking someone, cause this is crazy. If i were him I'd be putting in everyone --mod-- 🤣🤣🤣🤣

   Anon:  

Is traveling across the ocean to visit him a gf thing to do? Hell yeah. But its also a wealthy person with a freelance/travel heavy career thing to do. Are they dating. I don't know but its obvious they're friends. With all that hate she gets from being connected to him this visit is a surprising choice to make but she's older than me so I guess she gives less of a crap about what bullies think. That's something to look forward to! lol

Anon: NR's reps denied the kiss rumor and the weekend rumor. This is the only official comment. There was no one saying they'd see each other ever again.   rebellacycle:  Hey mod been reading all the posts on here on dk and norm . Do you think she will be at the art show if so that will be interesting.  

 Anon:  

It seemed like there were quite a few fans around NR posting on twitter. If they all saw DK with him I'm surprised literally no one recognized her. Isn't she considered a famous actress and supposedly even more than NR * Anon:  

I want to cry. I believed him. I believed his denial and defended him against everything. How could he just lie like that? I know I don't know him but I never thought he of all people would do something like that to his fans. If he's really with her, I can't be his fan anymore. I don't want to watch Ride or TWD now   

Anon:  

I've always wanted Caryl to happen. I don't nos because I don't won't the beautiful MMB to have those disgusting, lying Norman lips on hers.    

Anon:

 Oh look in that video there are two blonde ladies in black jackets. How's that for a fucking coincidence lol    

Anon:  

i hope this whole thing don't affect TWD, which ratings are already low :(   

Anon:  

Mod are we sure it's not the curator with her hair up? She has a black leather looking coat on from the vid. I know the purse and the shoes are a little bit suspicious but the hair may be just tied back and you can't see it in the pic.   

Anon:  

Uh, the NYC garage pics didn't "just happen". Diane paid Daily Mail and TMZ and tipped them off, seemingly without NR's knowledge. The accompanying articles were filed with misinformation yet somehow they know about his place upstate? So its pretty clear she wants to go public with whatever they do or don't have. IF he's sneaking around with her, he's doing it for himself because he doesn't want to even publicly acknowledge it. She clearly wants him to. That makes me kinda sad for her.   

Anon:  

Hello Mod, thank you for all you do. I always see eye to eye with you and appreciate your level head. I have never commented, but I want to say that no matter what NR & DK "relationship " is, was, whatever, or if she's in Spain or not,when his opening roles around everyone please be prepared, don't be naive, she WILL be there, taking pics, with fb and her "posse". This is about publicity for herself. I am not passing judgment, just stating what I think will occur and why. Take Care Mod.  

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somedaypast-thesunset · 6 years ago

Text

im honestly so much better than i thought i was.

like you have no idea whats going on when ur in the war. you dont know who youre shooting at, what the fuck is happening, who you are - you have no idea. and in this war you go through shit that is like unbearable in some ways and you do it and you dont know how and at the end of the day when its all over youre just left with this massive action that formed every thought you now have and you dont know what any of it really meant.

but like i have beat myself up for time for not being super amazing totally together. like i dont have a job. my work experience is small. my depression is heavy, heavy, heavy.

but what i needed to see was someone else who has felt this same loss. i needed a comparison to know that i wasnt as fucked up. even though i lived through all the shit i lived through, even though my mother was dead by the time i was 20, even though my dad died 5 years later - i’ve never been on such levels.

does that mean im heartless? i dont think so. clearly i am very bothered by these deaths and massive losses in my life. its something i think about everyday all day. but i have dealt with serious ptsd for like.. a decade.

and i never cracked.

and then on top of this i continued to take huge abuse after the intial trauma stopped about my trauma. and i never cracked.

no. listen.

i have no idea how i am here today. i have no idea how there is a man downstairs on heroin kicking the walls and thats not me. how is that not me. i have felt such pain. i have felt such sorrow. but never have i been such a person. literally my worst moments the deepest darkest moments last maybe 10 hours. not because im not prone or i dont feel it as strongly. i feel it so strongly. ive felt all the worst feelings. i feel like im 50 years old bro. its not even just like dead ppl. i saw toooooooooooooooooooooooo much. i know tooooooooooooooo much.

what is it inside of me that has kept me from making this worse for myself. I COULDVE HAD A BABY. do you know how easy it is to do THAT. its easier to make a baby than buy drugs, really. i couldve had like.. multiple babies. like i look at people and im like omg that couldve been me. and not even like.. oh im better than them its like omg if it wasnt for this like one fucking difference between me an them, i would be that. i would be them. i would have children and do meth an like ...

how in the helllllllll did i do this? this man within two months of a death is so distraught by his grief he cannot function as human towards other. yall i didnt even get drunk. i didnt have time to get drunk. i had real life responsibilities towards myself and other people. while living with a total piece of shit who put holes in my wall. okay. my father dies and im living alone now with a man who put holes in my fathers walls. i try to break up like a week before and i cant because my dad is still in the hospital and everything is so crazy because like we know this man is dieing.

have you ever watched a man die? have you ever WATCHED a man die? have you ever in your life watched a grown ass man choose to die in human excrement in diapers cant stand cant walk - have you ever in your life watched that?

my ex did. twice. and i had to have that man arrested and to this day i feel guilt about having to do that because he had to experience this trauma as well and he had to handle it however he was going to handle it and he couldnt handle it either.

i imagine its like the same when you watch someone die of cancer in some ways. like not the exact because theres no choice with cancer. but i guess the question why remains. why did cancer have to befall you. why does cancer exist. why does cancer have to kill you.

depression killed both of my parents and both of my parents lived with it for AT LEAST 40 years (my father probably longer).both of my parents chose not to do hard drugs. my dad was a very light alcoholic if you could call him one at all - he drank sincerely recreationally but it became a crutch to deal with everything else.

and i even get having the most important person you knew die. and do you understand that i know this so well that i even understand that right now you think that no one else “gets” how important this person was to you. how mighty an great they were because when a very important and beloved person to you dies there is so little room for the negative even though it can rear its head.

my parents shaped everything i am to this day. they are dead and i absolutely live in the exact EXACt same lifestyle i lived in when they were alive. i changed absolutely nothing about myself in my grief. it has only been literally this year where i have been like okay. its time. and with my mother ... i dint. i i kept a giant GIANT wooden piece of shit box for these people as a symbol of respect when sometimes i really hate them sooo much and i am soooooo angry with them.

sometimes i forget that im about to be 30 because i feel 15. i feel like when i woke up at 15 except now i am living my nightmares. everyday. and i still wake up everyday, i still try and instead of going batshit insane i took the time to truly explore how i felt about these people and the things that happened to me. instead of just crying about it and being sad and oh no hes dead it was like i knew there was a solution. and i think in some ways its true about my inplanted addiction to instant gratification. an i say this because i did it to myself by using the internet and other things (weed) to instantly satisfy boredom and anger an sadness. what i wanted at the time was to instantly solve how i felt. both times. and not like just make it go away but to “overcome” grief. like i would be enlightened by the grief and oh you know - my mother, shes found her peace now. my father, no longer suffering. its all supposed to happen its all alright.

and i guess i also in this moment dont want to lie to myself - at 19 i was really unenlightened. at 19 i think i acted ... u know, im having a moment. and its not lke a deep one but i think for like.. maybe 8 years or so i kind of disregarded my ex’s feelings at the time. everything i felt overshadowed it and i kind of gloss over how i cheated on him but “didnt cheat” because i “broke up with him before i di anything” even though i 100% cheated on him. like i spoke the words of breaking up to him before i physically involved myself but it was like a plan between me and this fucking dude sooooooooo its really low and this is like so much shame in my life. i hold so much shame an regret over my actions that i just quickly tell this part of the story of my ex but its pretty bad. and then questionably bad things happened afterwards due to both of our immaturity and insecurities. my life was fucked before she died but i cannot fully say i never hurt someone. i cant say that. thats such a lie to myself. in my grief i did in fact hurt someone else. i disregarded another person and like its soooooooooooooooo hard for me to give any leverage to my mother. like she never made me feel or do anything fuck her. but my main abuser in life died. a person i saw like.. everyday of my life until i was 16. she was soooo important to everything i am today and to be really fair - i’m probably still fucked up because i absolutely refuse to deal with what she did. like i dont want to relive it any more than i already do even though you have to through it to overcome it.

i smoke weed uner the influence of my father and i think i smoke weed for the same reason he drank - my mother is the reason i smoke weed. for the most part. like im really haunted by my father sometimes but i became so accustomed to this weird life with him that i mostly have like a culture shock where i realize other people didnt do this and then i get over it. sometimes i think about what he looked like when he slept and how it looked like he was dead. sometimes i picture the foot rotting off his body. recently ive pictured the blackheads on his back. they were really bad but not in like im traumatized way - my mother picked at his blackheads and i started doing it an its just a weird gross probably semi normal thing so like even though i have these images sometimes of my fathers illness what i am most haunted by is the words my mother put into my brain. i was brainwashed. i feel brainwashed. and sometimes i repeat scenarios she did. sometimes i do things she did and not like a nostalgic oh i have my mothers traits but like sometimes i lie. sometimes i tell lies. sometimes i have told lies to be able to get someones attention or pity. like not often at all. not even a handful of times in my life have i done this. very spread out. its not common. and its so shameful but i saw my mother do it and she did it pretty well and people would feel sorry for her and give her attention and it wasnt good or deserved in anyway but it worked.

sometimes. sometimes i have exaggerated illnesses. sometimes i have downplayed symptoms i am having. and i do this i think because i was trained to do this. my mother told me i was sick, she told me the symptoms and it was all repeated from there. i have been extremely lucky to have like no major medical issues since i was a child. i have never had to deal with anything happening because im actually pretty physically healthy outside of the toll depression takes on my body. i coud of course quit smoking but i dont have lung issues. i was told i had asthma for 13 years. we had to move. we had to fucking move bro because i had “asthma” and i had to take the inhalers and of course man of course it wasnt ust inhalers it was the fucking plastic tube that somehow made it better you held between the inahler and your mouth.

to bare it all - i dont even know if im allergic to pine. my mother said i was allergic to pine so no more real christmas trees but what if this bitch was doing it to me. ive never had like extensive exposure to these trees since then. who the fuck knows.

why is it - okay. when i go to the hospital they ask me allergies and i repeat verbatim the same thing my mother said to every doctor i ever met, “sulpha, pencillion, amoxicillin and codiene”

tell me why as a child i frequently had penicillin and at no point in my memory was there like some reaction upon taking this. and everyone remembers it. we all know the banana flavoured medience. and i remember taking it so many times an then suddenly i didnt and suddenly it was apart of this list and like maybe i developed an allergy but what if she just decided? how did she find out i was allergic to these other things? i am REPEATING A MANTRA by a woman who nearly killed me using prescription drugs.

i make alot of excuses. im probably lazy more than depressed because if i was sooo scared i could get tested for my allergies and know for myself.

do you know how upsetting my birth certificate was? and it wasnt even my mothers fault, it was more my fathers fault. but all these little dumb things and its not like ths is crazy never heard of its small things that other people experience too but they hold so much weight like can someone tell me why my mother stopped spelling her name right? like shortly after my birth she no longer spelt it theresa and spelled it teresa. and i had such a moment at her funeral when i saw her name spelled right and asked why it was wrong. that she had spelled it without an h. her parents were like .. confused and appalled that i suggested she had done this an like of course her name was with an h. and fair enough guys. you are the people who named her. which means it was in my lifetime that it changed. and on legal documents even though she maintained her first real name (mary) she spelled it teresa. but these old documents and the way my father spelled it was theresa. whats in an H? like maybe im crazy right. maybe im just making a big deal out of something small but usually when something lke this occurs its because ssomeone else made the mistake and usually youre a foreigner. like someone wrote your name on an official document wrong and now thats just it. but this woman .. she went to private school like she had to have had official document before 1990. this woman made a concious choice to drop the H in her name. why? was it a choice? did she just like slip up one time and went with it for 19 years after? like did she fuck it up so majorly in some public way that she had to convince other people this is how she spelled her name.

and like its been a really long time. and i dont have a lot of these documents anymore. to be fair, i have like 7 remaining objects of my mothers. i dont even know if i have documents with her writing outside of a wedding guest book from 1980. so sometimes - sometimes she wins. sometimes i think that maybe im wrong. maybe i just think she stopped doing it but like why would i notice this? why would i think about it so much?

sometimes i try to think really hard about her but i did such a job at blocking her out and smoking away these memories i literally cant remember more than like 10 - 20 memories of her. i spent half of my life with her. closely. and like.. i remember when i was in like grade 3 - 5 because i was walking to a certain school and i remember this is like.. no you know what. i have atleast 5 seperate memories of this and thsi in itself says something - faking sick. i faked sick religiously. and like i knew this bitch would buy it because at this point im a clever angry bitter child with no true subconcious yet. im like i know my mother will buy into sickness - thats who she is- and i wont have to go to school.

so i start the day before at bed. im coughing. im coughing really hard because of my asthma right but im not sick at all im good but im forcing these dog coughs at 2am and she wakes up and its like oh well i guess youre sick and im doing this so often i have a memory of her frustration like she almost almost knew but this was her job and now im playing games. and its like man you trained me to do this but your power was taken and now im using your training against you and all you really wanted was a sick kid. so im giving you all you wanted and none of it is real. and like im aware of this complexity at this point. even really early my father is now pissed at her and they dont trust each other. and theyre fighting about me and shes saying look at this and hes saying this is what you did. this was what my mother did to me. he knew that like i was turning cold because she was cold towards me and he knew it and he was telling her youre doing this to her stop doing this to her and she didnt so it just kept going.

in grade 10 i faked a heart problem. i freely admit this because i feel like its “okay” because it coincides with dropping out of school. but now im desperate. like im so desperate in this depression and my first year was her trying to kill herself and getting kicked out of the house and im like omg i cant do this anymore im not going to school something is going to give even though school is a relief from home, i was starting to have all these expectations at school academically and socially and i couldnt keep up and something had to give and i couldnt get rid of my parents so i was done.

my father wanted me to “get a job” but it was like... you know. someday youre going to have to get a job. and in my own volition, once my mother had left for a year, i got a job. i was semi comfortable. on my first day of this important job my father became gravelly ill and spent like .. a month in the hospital. and im still going to work. im like 17 years old, everything has gone to shit and im still going to work. and im on the bus everyday crying to my friend that its all so fucking awful and i just want to like party and get high.

so i started. and i spent all of my earnings on partying and getting high on mdma and k and weed. in one summer. it was like 3 grand or something which is alot of money for me in any time of my life thus far. thats the only time i ever earned a significant amount of money.

but then i stopped. because within me i knew especially the hard drugs were beginning to do their damage to my body and i was drinking too much and i did carry it on for like a year before my ex put his foot down and i decided i didnt want to be a person in a relationship on drugs like that. we smoked weed and it was fine.

and like on paper seperately - bratty attitude filled choices. i lied and faked an illness to get out of school, partied while my father was ill. and like i knew this. and in my early 20s i frequently reflected on these choices and actively knew i had to choose other things. was it fun? yes. was i with close loving friends? yes. was i safe? yes. was it the right thing to do? no. and i feel like if i dint make that choice back then i couldve set myself on a better path. but i gave up. i gave up and i give in for this moment and i never fully recovered, i just choose to smoke a shit ton of weed instead. i couldve learned real coping skills but i chose not to and now im almost 30 and i suck, utterly suck, at life. but it could be worse and i could be him.

we finally spoke - no he answered the call and spoke whatever he wanted to to me still. that he couldnt deal with this and blah blah but its funny i guess as i told a friend i had said my last word were that i was not going to speak to him again. she said he mustve replied because that usually gets him. and its sad i have to resort to feeling like im not going to speak to him again to get any response. and im not being crazy and needy or whatever like you signed up to take care of someone who has major trauma surrounding this issue and you knew this. like in june im crying about how this was my parents fault. i have a whole process i have to go through over the course of my life because like i cant decide randomly one day to face this fear and anxiety. this type of issue has to come up as it will and it may not be a good time for me or anyone else but i now have to face and overcome this issue that is not just a medical problem but DIRECTLY related to my parents neglect. like every time a doctor asks how this happened how many times why has this happened this way i have to explain just the bare bones of how my parents how TWO GROWN PEOPLE thought this was okay TOGETHER and let it go. leaking blood and pus. this is like ... what this cyst has caused me in emotion and mental damage is sooo much morre than the cyst itself. the cyst is simple. knowing the neglect of it caused it to come to such a point that it has to be surgically deal with is painful. how did they fuck this up for me? and its like i couldnt just get surgery at 18. at 18 i didnt have a flare up. i have to wait for the flare up to deal and im like just dealing with it as it comes you know because its normal and i guess every few years i have to get this thing lanced thas just who i am now? i guess? but could be worse. could be wayyyy worse. like it coul be on my face, first of all. it could be like in my labia and i would have ppl touching my labia and doing things. it cou be on my actual butthole. it could reoccur every week. every month.

eventually i got a few moments to speak a full thought and i told him it was extremely important to me to have someone capable of dealing with the worst of my anxieties and traumas before during and after this incredibly important moment i am about to face and optimistically overcome. i just know i will be very not okay about it. i know this, i did this by myself its not even like im playing it up for others like im by myself in public sobbing soo hard they cannot take proper vitals. thats how much this is for me. i will not have someone be neglectful or judgemental or take away my right to feel the way i have to feel in order to break through this. like im not taking away anything from anyone else, i’m just laying out what is require and if you can do that, then fine, but if you cant then no im not going through with this.

he made a weak argument and i explained that the last time i had to deal with major medical hospital things was my mother. so i am not okay with this and i am freaking out and this instability hes displaying completely on his own makes me question what im doing. and he continued to rattle off these excuses and started into “you want to talk about traumas, what about ...” and i just turned the phone away and waited until he was finished because you cannot tell me that im not allowed to feel any sort of ways about anything or talk about my mental illness or the things ive gone through and immediately launch into your own. there is give and take and youve already taken everything im willing to give now. he says i have to give him a straight answer because he needs stability and to figure out what hes going to do.

.......

to live with this, i have every right to feel depressed and uncomfortable and unhappy.

i need to begin the process of mentally letting him go. i want to feel free to talk to random people and open myself up to random people and experiences and i dont want to even think about anything with him. like honestly, there is no future with him or associated with him. he cant fix some of these things, its not going to happen. and im going to allow him and give him opportunities in the future to still be shitty to me. and future me needs to understand that this is just proof for why i have to let it go.

and like im frustrated - in my perfect world ive abandoned this dream because ive found something better an more fulfilling to me. its so hard to abandon something without anything else. and like i get really aggravated when im in my i dont know what the fuck to do moments. and eventually i find something - anything - and i really try to put myself into it. like that becomes my new job because im trying out all these roles in life and maybe this one leads to something. like i enjoyed jewelry, a lot. but ike i wanted something bigger and grander and to be apart of something and like i guess build on the jewelry. like i went from collecting bones in a forest by myself to showing in an art gallery and going to receptions and making new friends - i like the beginning of my art career story. its glamorous and hopeful.

and then i thought like i could be more than an artist. i could have a gallery or a studio, i could curate shows, do events - i could contribute to the arts and culture in the city and possibly resolve or find resolution for some of these issues. and i learned like.. a lot about art. i basically forced a semester of art history and basic art techniques down my throat and practiced daily. i wanted to feel knowledgable and professional and like prepared to take on the 1%

and i just lost that. like i built that for myself, by the way. thats not off the back of a man or relationship. amongst all my shit, i created a very minor artistic career. and i was / am well respected for my dedication and quality and like ... i really received a lot of praise. i got very little known hatred towards me. my shit was good enough it sort of overtook an ex friends venture an made her jealous. i was the first person in the city hands down to create a website dedicated to arts in the city. like maybe in 10 years there will be 50 more but i was the first. i was the one who knew how to do it. i left just a tiny make with my minor career. that i built. by myself. in the 5 years before and after my dads death.

but its not that like i dont “want” to do that anymore. i think i do? but the city is not about it. the numbers to bring people out are small. the money is non existant. the quality of talent is not great. i think if i had entered a more viable scene i couldve graduated from what i was doing but as it stands its just not going to happen. and making money from art is really hard and no one respects a person who just paints unless theyre like the most amazing artist and i guess really i have nothing i want to say anymore. ive tried to express alot of things through art and things are left unfinished. im just ... not an artist like that.

but im not even like mad at myself for it - 20s are your time to find yourself. im not an artist. and maybe i wont be a wildwoman land developer either. i know that if i could decide on something, if i could find something i actually cared about that i could achieve it. it would literally me be just saying 100% doing this and it being done soon after. no games. no waiting around. if i really wanted it i would invest everything i have into it. i know that.

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