#and that's not something the other person is ever going to be equipped to provide

[willowcrowned]

yeah like. if Roy and riza get married it’s half fake marriage to trap each other in misery self harm style and half being genuinely in love. insane of them

no exactly because they don't love each other really and they don't even hate each other really (except for the ways they do) they just. are each other. you don't love your liver or your heart or your lungs they're just a part of you. and they're just a part of each other. but they should never ever get married

[pia-nor481]

The Assistant- Chapter One

Lando Norris x Reader

Zak is tired of Lando’s behaviour and hirers him a personal assistant, whom he finds a little too attractive to be working with. What she didn’t know, was how hard he would make the job.

2.4k words

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist

This wasn't exactly her dream job, sure she loved being around motorsports, but she would have loved to work with the team, not for one of the drivers. Originally she had applied online, not even sure she would get the job, but now as she was slipping her heels on reality had hit her. Zak Brown, CEO of Mclaren Formula One team had employed her to be an assistant; She assumed she would have been working for him as no other name was mentioned in either of her interviews, but she assumed very wrong. 

"So you'll be working with Lando. Making sure he's where he needs to be and has everything he needs. Pretty much doing whatever he asks." She struggled to keep up with Zak's fast pace with the folders in her hands as he guided her through the MTC. "Your desk is right here and Lando's is right over there." He pointed as he spoke, making sure she had everything she needed before she officially started. Zak walked into Lando's office with a face of disappointment, she didn't know the details and quite frankly didn't want to. With Zak gone she could finally take a breath, placing her belongings on the rather large desk. One small perk about working for Lando and not Mclaren was she could essentially wear whatever she pleased. She sat down and opened the provided laptop, checking what she could only imagine to be the busiest schedule she would ever see. After deciding she would deal with that a little later she looked around the room fully, noticing there was only four other desks in this area, the rest in offices with names printed on the doors. The desk given to her was the largest in the room, with very little on top of it; A phone, calculator, notebook, pens and a file organiser. She looked to the left and noticed next year's racing calendar. She made a mental note to bring some thing from home to brighten up the area, perhaps make it look more humane. 

"Are you serious Zak, another one?" She heard Lando's voice through the open door of his office. "Don't behave like a child. Oscar has an assistant who he gets on well with. But you need one. You're late to almost every meeting if you even turn up and you never have your equipment or uniform. It's unacceptable and so I'm doing something about it. Her pay isn't even coming out of your bank account so be grateful for that." Zak muttered, almost dragging Lando out of the room with a small scowl on his face. "This is Lando." Zak said with a small smile after introducing her. She offered her hand before speaking, "It's a pleasure to meet you, Lando." He quickly shook her hand but didn't say anything, waiting for Zak to leave for his office. Now she could see why the pay was so high. He was slightly insufferable and considerably rude. 

Lando turned his back to her as he spoke, "Go get me a coffee would you." He grumbled walking back towards his office. She was shocked at the gumption to start with and then realised that she was being paid significantly more than what the base rate was for scheduling appointments. So really she just didn't feel the need to complain. She walked towards the unnecessarily large kitchen for that floor and looked through the cupboards, only finding instant coffee granules and shaking her head slightly. She knew first hand from working office jobs that instant coffee was one of the worst drinks in the world. She grabbed the largest mug from the shelf and placed two teaspoons of the coffee inside, followed by a pinch of salt as it would take the bitterness away. She poured a small amount of cold water into the mug before adding the hot water most of the way up, so she didn't burn the coffee. Finally she added some milk and gave it a good stir. Pleased with herself she walked back to his office as quick as she could. 

"Here." She almost whispered, placing the mug on his unusually tidy desk, which let her know he was almost never here or he never did any work. She had a sneaking suspicion it was the latter. "Took you long enough." Lando muttered looking up at her as he took a sip of the drink, a look of disgust painting his face. "That's awful. How do you mess up making coffee?" His question was rhetorical but it still hurt. She was sure it was the best one could make with such limited supplies. Or maybe he just didn't like coffee at all and was giving her a hard time. "You only have my work schedule, right?" He looked ack up at her, hands crossed in his lap. "Right?" Lando repeated, annoyance lacing his voice. She knew she shouldn't have been so easily upset, but disrespect being the first thing you hear from someone was always hurtful. "Yes." She whispered, not lifting her gaze from the ground, worried he'd see the look on her face. "Well, here's my personal schedule, sync it up for me." He said waving his hand towards the door. She took the paper from his hand with a small thank you and left to do as she was asked. Soon she was sat at the desk with glossy eyes questioning her decisions. Maybe applying for the job was a mistake, but she needed the money. 

He had a meeting about the new car at 6am tomorrow, a quadrant photoshoot at 10am for the new merch line but the manufacturer needed to be called tonight to ensure the clothes were ready to be mass produced for the release next month, then at 12pm they were filming a karting video that he needed to bring his helmet and quadrant racing suit for, at 4pm he need to pick up dry cleaning for a dinner he had at 7pm. She wasn't sure it was possible for one person to be so busy. She was quick to write down the necessary numbers and times on a post it notes before sticking all seven of them to the black wall above the desk. She wrote a small reminder to ensure Lando was wearing proper Mclaren uniform for the meeting, hoping it would ease Zak slightly. 

Her first call was to the manufacturing company and it lasted over two hours, most of it being arguing about shipping dates and production location. She needed to have the shortest delivery time possible considering the date for the release and it was causing her to panic. Lando didn't seem to have a lot of patience and he also seemed like the kind of man to yell if he wasn't happy with something, so she felt as though she couldn't afford to get this wrong. After another twenty minutes, and two pages of A4 paper later, the merch was set to be shipped to them one week before it was due to be sold. A small sigh escaped her as she took the first post it down. She then began working on 'merging' the two schedules, which she was sure he made it harder by giving her a paper copy, so she had to add things one by one. After a while, all of which was spent adding doctors appointments and training sessions to his calendar, she made way back to the kitchen reaching for another mug, making a coffee for herself just as she did before. She hesitated taking a sip, questioning herself. Was the drink actually that bad or maybe he was just testing her resolve. Quickly she snapped out of the small haze and rushed back to her desk, noticing Lando was no longer in his office.

Her eyes began to sting slightly as she continued to look at the screen, worried she wouldn't get all the work done in time. She made a small note to herself to pick up some eye drops before she went home, not wanting to repeat the feeling tomorrow. As she picked up her phone to set an alarm she noticed the time, 4am. She had been working for way too long, longer than she was required too. But the tasks set needed to be completed, she couldn't let herself fall behind, the money was too good to ever let that happen. While rushing to her car she began to question her actions completely. Why did she think this was even a good job? Running around after people was not her specialty. Yet she continued on. She was a person that liked to be relatively prepared and always kept spare clothes in the car, perhaps not for this occasion, but she was thankful to her past self none the less. She knew there were showers in the building as the drivers and pit crew often had to train in the building, so that wouldn't have been an issue. After making what could be considered a subpar coffee she called Lando on her personal phone, although it required two calls before he surprised her by answering. 

"Who is this?" He groaned down the line. She didn't expect his voice to be so low, then again she most definitely woke him up. "Your assistant, who needs you to wear your team uniform for the 6 am meeting today, which for your information, you need to leave for in about seven minutes." She said sweetly, knowing being yelled at as soon as you wake up isn't particularly pleasant, so the last thing she needed was him coming to work in a bad mood. "Yeah, okay. I'll be there." He said before ending the call. She shouldn't have felt her face warming as he spoke, hearing his morning voice shouldn't be turning her on as much as it was. His poor attitude had fizzled away in the late evening and the early morning, he was of course still mean for ending the call in such away, but his words were not as offensive. 

She expected him to come to work in what he pleased so she hurried to the store room to look for anything even in his size. The door was heavy and the room was dark but she managed to find a papaya shirt and a few pairs of trousers that looked close enough to fitting. She walked  back towards his office, with her signature office coffee in hand and placed everything on his desk, waiting for Lando to grace her with his presence. She retrieved her note book and pen off her desk before sitting in one of his chairs. "Some assistant she is. Telling me I need to be here, yet she's no where to be found." He grumbled, running his hands through his hair. As Lando walked through the threshold of the office he noticed her sat eagerly a small, but clearly fake, smile on her face. "You need to get dressed before we leave, the meeting starts in ten minutes and you have plenty to do today." She stated, brushing off his earlier statement, even if it brought a slight pain to her chest. Lando walked behind the desk and noticed, not just the hot drink awaiting him, but a few printed forms that he needed to sign, all with a small post it explaining in less than ten words what it was for. She walked towards the door and closed it, facing the opposite direction from the desk. "I need to ensure that you actually look presentable, but trust me I'm not looking." She said with a small huff, crossing her arms over her chest. "How do I know you're not actually some crazy fan?" He questioned, pulling his blue shirt over his head, quickly replacing it with the uniform. "My phone is on the desk and if I was some crazy fan I would probably already be in your house considering a I know you're address." She stated like it was the simplest thing in the world. "You can turn around now." Lando said, annoyance once again lacing his voice. "Oh, you're hair is a mess." She walked over to the brit quickly, reaching over to adjust the curls. "What are you doing?" His jaw clenched slightly as her fingers threaded through his hair. "Don't complain, I'm making sure you look presentable. Zak will be grateful considering there are some sponsors in this meeting." 

She pulled away from him and walked away, happy that he followed. "Don't do that again." His tone was almost malicious before they reached the board room, sitting down quietly. Zak quickly began thanking everyone for showing up before he started talking about how this years car would be better than the previous years. As she looked towards Lando, she noticed his head was down, most likely on his phone. A small amount of anger rose up through her. The gall. He works for this company, the words said would be greatly important to him, yet he wasn't even listening. It was disgraceful. She made sure to write down as many notes as possible, at least about what she assumed to be the most important parts since she didn't really know what was being said. The mechanics of formula one cars was not her speciality so it was a little hard to distinguish what was needed and what wasn't. 

"Thank you all for coming, any further questions please email." Zak said with a pleasant smile. She zoned out for a while, focusing on writing down the last few sentences. "Hey, are you even listening to me." Lando raised his voice slightly, shaking her shoulders. "You said I had to be somewhere at ten. So...get up." He almost pulled her out of the chair as she grabbed her things. "You have a photoshoot for the new Quadrant merch. The rest of the product is being delivered one week before sales go live." She almost muttered as he pushed her out of the door. 

"Well you're coming with me."

[marimoscorner]

Consumerism & Witchcraft

Written by Marimo (he/they)🌿

I’ve seen a turn for the better in some witchy spaces regarding consumerism in the past few years, but overall it still tends to be an issue for us as a community. I’ve decided to try and breakdown the pitfalls I’ve noticed in my own journey, in the hopes that it will inspire and assist others. I’ve also provided alternatives and ideas on how to make small changes in our practice to help us better protect the Earth, stick it to the failing system and still acquire our bits and bobs we love so dearly.

As always, I am no authority on any subject nor am I perfect—but we’re all learning as we go, so let’s dive right in 🌿

A Preface

There are some things that should be made entirely clear before we begin:

You are not a bad person for wanting an aesthetic

You are not a bad person for unknowingly falling into pitfalls. Only if you continue to purposefully do so after knowing better

You are not a bad person for consuming content/objects or for not always making the most sustainable decisions. At the end of the day, we can only control our small part of environmental impact, while the rest is left up to the major corporations that make more pollution than any of us ever will

You are only human. Show yourself some grace and understanding that the internet so lacks.

My Experience in Consumerist Hell

I have fallen victim many times to consumerism in witchcraft. Starting my journey at the ripe age of about ten years old and heavily in the broom closet, I was quickly drawn in by the shiny rocks, the brand new candles and scents, the promise of new tarot decks and pendulums and other fancy, shiny new equipment. I was consuming an online aesthetic along with my ideals, and it distracted me from starting my journey by learning well.

I began to spend my birthday and holiday money on the aesthetic of things. While, granted, I still did buy a few literary resources now and again from my local secondhand bookstore—I was stubbornly ignoring the sage advice to learn and understand first before diving in headfirst.

I purchased statues, crystals, too many tarot decks to use. I purchased osteomancy bones I later returned to the earth, for I had not done enough research to know that that animal was mine to practice with. I had a tankard full of incense sticks, and even a growing pile of books that would not be read. While I liked to consider myself crafty with my homemade Maypole and various hand-bound Grimoires, something was becoming apparent: this was all a distraction.

The aesthetic I was partaking in was providing me with a false sense of progress and practicality.

When I’d go to do a tarot reading, I’d become far too overwhelmed with choosing a deck to read in the first place. When making an offering to a deity, I’d feel pressured to also bolster the altars of all the other deities I’d set up, and with my wide pool, the connections felt muddy. Often times I’d be off-put on a project or spell because I knew I needed to film it and it needed to look nice.

In the long term, I don’t have many of these items today. I’ve sold and donated a vast breadth of them. Feeling overwhelmed costed me a few years retreat from my craft to recuperate. However, what has stuck with me is the knowledge I picked up along the way.

So, What’s the Issue? TL;DR

I’ve noticed a few issues here in making these mistakes myself.

Consumerism absolutely distracts you from learning and your craft

Overconsumption leads to environmental damage. If everyone hoarded supplies, there would not be enough to go around. And with what gets thrown away every year…it paints an ugly wound on the Earth

We damage our learning abilities by not allowing ourselves to be anything less than perfect

The need for aesthetic creates barriers to entry within the community and creates a divide of haves and have-nots

You won’t be able to truly follow your individual path if you are only consuming and not creating for yourself

Consumerist culture promotes appropriation. Metaphysical stores carry items from closed practices (such as white sage and palo santo, or coyote bones) because someone is buying them. Don’t be that person, and find alternatives relating to your own culture instead

Consumerism can influence your spiritual decisions based upon monetary inclinations (where some may sacrifice a quality ingredient over a higher quantity of a lower quality ingredient)

So, what can we do?

Firstly, I want to clarify that I am not against collecting, nor am I against maximalism or the beautiful visual aesthetic we carry as a community.

I am an artist a very visual person and understand the longing for a beautiful home and workspace. However, this aesthetic shouldn’t come at the cost of irresponsibly harming the Earth or another community.

Thus, I’ve compiled a list of small things that I will be incorporating into my practice to make it more mindful and sustainable. I hope that you’ll join me in a few of them.

Minimize Supplies. While I used to have a huge selection of stationary for my Grimoire, I now limit myself to a simple pencil and watercolor set if I’m feeling artistic. This helps me actually use my Grimoire for study, rather than to keep perfect. It’s also friendlier on my wallet!

Thrift Supplies. There are plenty of perfectly good items that get donated daily. You can get high-quality candles and holders, old crystal bowls for altar offerings, spare crafting supplies, fabric for alter cloths and even clothing if you so wish—all for a fraction of the cost new and while saving the planet just a little bit more. Hell, you can sometimes even find good silver!

Share Supplies with your Community. You can create a sort of barter system with other witches in your area. Perhaps you create a sigil for them, and they provide you with a candle spell. Play to your strengths and grow together!

Look for Creative Outlets. Do you really need to go buy an altar statue that’s been mass-produced? Or can you give your deity the personal gift of a drawing, painting or even hand-modeled or hand-carved rendition? This will also deepen your connection to your craft and your magic, and make it more meaningful and stronger. If you really like something, though, go for it!

If you aren’t the artistic sort, consider supporting an artist before going to a large company. While I haven’t purchased from them myself, Blagowood on Etsy has beautiful deity statues carved from wood by their small team in Ukraine for a comparable cost to the standard mass produced metal statues. I consider this extra labor of love going into these pieces and those of similar small companies to be much better energy for my practice. I myself may put out some art prints and other handmade supplies in the future, but I will likely spread them around my community first.

Try Secondhand Books. While not available in every area and further still not as available for witchcraft and occult books, you may strike luck! Not only are secondhand books less expensive, but you’ll be supporting a local business. That’s not to say you can’t buy firsthand books, but some searching around may be beneficial to the earth and to your wallet in the long run.

Be mindful of where you source supplies and decor. If you are a fan of taxidermy decor, make sure that you source cruelty free. Bats can practically never be sourced without cruelty, so if a shop carries them, I’d be mindful of their other specimens. The same goes for if a shop decides to forgo a culture’s wishes and carry supplies sacred to them, such as white sage or dreamcatchers. Supporting folks who turn a profit off of others’ suffering is not something many would wish to include energetically in their craft.

Search the Wild for Tools. Find sticks, flowers and other plants out in the forest. Learn how to rockhound in your area for crystals. Your craft will be more powerful the more connected it is to the land you are surrounded by. Be sure to reference guides for safety and legality!

Get Creative with Purposes. If you are having difficulty finding exactly what you need by thrifting or searching, make another tool multipurpose if it would do the job good enough. Find supplies that are easy to source and work as substitutes for other ingredients (ex. Quartz as a stand in for other stones)

Spend more time Doing. Go out into the woods (safely) and advance your connection to the earth instead of worrying over the perfect item for your collection. Your craft will benefit

At the end of the day, all of this is your decision. Take what you like, and leave what you don’t. Even if we don’t agree, I thank you for your time and open mind. I will continue updating about how I incorporate these steps, and I will also hopefully post more on witchy crafting in the future.

I wish you well, and hope you’ll decide to follow along on our journey!

[caitchercatlady]

Sleeping Over at Ramshackle w/Ace

Ace would pretty much find any excuse to have a sleepover with you at Ramshackle dorm. He envied how you were a single freshman with a huge, yet rickety, dorm all to yourself. Granted that you had Grim to keep company, you were still a singular human in a big building nonetheless. As the Prefect, you had the greatest benefit in not having to deal with a super strict Housewarden.

Having Ace come to your dorm with a collar around his neck was one thing. Having Ace freely come to your dorm with a full bag ready for some fun was a pleasant other. Other than his essentials, his overnight bag was loaded with a bunch of magic trick equipment, which included the required deck of cards. For the first hour, Ace pleasured his hosts with a bunch of tricks that he'd been working on back at Heartslabyul and between class breaks. Grim could never get over how one simple scarf can become tied to a multitude of them tied together with one scrunch of Ace’s fist.

Then, a few simple rounds of blackjack quickly turned into a game of how Ace was able to cheat his way into winning as the dealer each round. Seriously, with every single game that you had played with this guy, you had become more used to figuring out how Ace was able to do it, despite your inability to produce and conjure magic yourself. Ace had become more slightly annoyed at that, but at the same time he was more so impressed. 

After two and a half hours of fun gaming, Ace went to go take his shower. You knew by then that the heart mark that Ace always wore on his eye wasn't actually a real birthmark, but that didn't mean that you were getting more used to his bare face at night. Once his evening wash was done, he caught you in the middle of setting up his guest bed. Instead of asking to help you with that, he insisted upon himself to finish the job. As you straightened out his sheets, he patted on his own pillows. When Ace was done with that, he looked back at you, noticing that you were staring. 

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Ace asked as if he had been transfigured into a lopsided rabbit.

“Sorry. I didn't mean to,” you replied. “It's just that I'm not used to you without your heart makeup.”

“Oh, you thought it was a birthmark?”

“I'm not too familiar with folks who are from the Rose Queendom.”

Ace scoffed. “The only people born with any birthmarks in the Rose Queendom are the people born to the Royal Family. Any common person born with a shaped birthmark means that something weird has happened.”

“When you say weird, you really mean…”

“Exactly.”

Ace opened his overnight bag, and he pulled out two tops. One was a white t-shirt, and he threw it on over his torso first. The other was a red hoodie with an image of a card soldier army marching on the front, which he donned over the t-shirt. Ace had explained to you that he got cold sleeping at night, so wearing layers always made him comfortable. You knew how Ace would tease you if you made any comments about the clothes that Crowley provided you, which was only the bare basics. You were grateful to get spare blankets as gifts from friends, but in the deep of winter, sadly, it wasn’t enough. You envied Grim for having fur to protect his little self.

“Are you going to be alright there?” Ace questioned.

“As I can be,” you said. “Why are you asking all of the sudden?”

“Part of me thinks that room gives you the heebie-jeebies.”

“I've had months to get over that.”

“Well you know me. If you ever need a big strong man…”

Chuckling, you playfully punch Ace in the arm.

However, he wasn’t all that wrong. With the lights out, Grim was snoring to the side as usually, and you were staring up at the ceiling, counting the tiny cracks. You had been twisting and turning, trying to ignore the breeze. Your fretting comes to an end when you get a whisper at your door.

“Hey, Prefect.”

You turned over, and there stood Ace, slightly hunched over. “What are you doing up?” you questioned.

Ace sighed. “I couldn’t sleep. I had a feeling you’d be up.”

“That’s so unlike you.”

He admitted that it wasn’t really fun to sleep in separate rooms. At Heartslabyul, he was used to having the company of Deuce and two other roommates. If he ever wanted to say something, he’d have three other sets of ears. In a spare guest room, Ace didn’t have anyone. Ever since gaining a friendship with you, Ace didn’t like being separated in the same building.

With that said, you opened your heart and allowed Ace to take the right side of your bed, which had always been empty. He graciously took your offer and immediately snuggled up against you. When you asked why he was being so hasty, he quickly replied that he was going to guard you from the cold. He thought you would appreciate it. Though you didn’t say it, little did he know…that you did.

[annymation]

Reimagining the characters in Wish

(Part 3- Star/Aster)

ITS THE MOMENT WE’VE BEEN WAITING FOR!!!

HERE COMES THE BOYYYYY!!!

Ahem… so yeah welcome to part 3

If you haven’t seen them yet, here’s the links for part 1 and part 2 where I talk about how I’d rewrite Asha and the villains respectively.

Star may be the most challenging character to reimagine since… All I have is the personality displayed on the Star we DID get, a song we all collectively headcanon as Asha x Star love song (At All Cost Demo), and my imagination… In a way that just makes things more fun too.

Now remember there’s no definitive version of this character, he never came true so there’s limitless ways we can interpret him.

Some may imagine him mute, some may imagine him as a wacky character like the genie, others may imagine him more soft spoken like the blue fairy, some may imagine him as Asha’s love interest while others may prefer them as just friends, or even have him look like her grandfather, there are no wrong answers.

So here’s how I imagine him to be like:

The Star 💫

What’s a Wishing Star?

- Before we start talking about our star boy, I think it’s important we establish what a wishing star even is, so let’s begin.

-Star is an entity from another plane of existence, a wishing star, a being whose only purpose is to listen to the wishes from mortals that can see him and other wishing stars through their night skies. They listen to the wishes from mortals and provide some guidance in subtle ways.

- A wishing star is born, or rather, gains consciousness, once someone looks to them and makes a wish from the bottom of their hearts, once the star receives their first ever wish they are no longer just a celestial body of gas, they become a new wishing star, they gain a purpose, and develop their minds just like how a human would.

- As the years pass the star becomes more wise, more equipped to help the person who wished upon them for the first time.

- For a wishing star to grow up it may take a while, that’s why most people wish upon bigger ones who are already fully developed and clever enough to know exactly how to help.

- It’s not a wishing star’s job to GRANT a wish immediately, in fact, they’re incapable of doing that, their magic can only go as far as the hope and perseverance that resides in their wishmaker’s heart.

- Things that the mortal would consider just luck could actually be the works of a wishing star putting them in the right path.

- If the person loses hope in their dream then there isn’t anything the star can do, but if they remain determined then the star can help them go far.

- So a wishing star job is to just… stay in the sky, look down upon their wishmakers, give some subtle magic intervention here and there…

-That is, when they’re wished upon at all, otherwise they just stay there doing nothing.

- However… In some rare occasions, wishing stars can do a lot more than just give a subtle magic intervention from the distance. Sometimes, when someone truly well intentioned makes a wish with all their heart… The wishing star gets the power to do some extraordinary things.

Personality

- Star, or Aster as I’ll be calling him in this rewrite, which is a non-binary name meaning “star”. I’ll be referring to them with (He/they) pronouns.

- Aster is a very young and inexperienced wishing star, in fact, counting with Asha’s wish, Star only got TWO wishes in their whole life. And he’s still working on granting that first wish he ever got 18 years ago.

(Haha I’m sure that’s not foreshadowing for something really sad)

- Because of that he’s often treated by the other stars as sort of a younger sibling or a little kid.

- I think I should just get this info out now: Aster is NOT the north star, that big, bright and iconic star we know from the Disney movies, nope, Aster is actually a small itty bitty little star that you can barely see, that kind of star you probably wouldn’t pick to wish upon, most choose the brightests and bigger ones.

- So who’s that big, bright and iconic star? Well, in the beginning of our story… That star doesn’t exist, like, it’s literally absent from the sky… After all, we're seeing that star's origin story :)

- We’ll get to that when we get to that, back to Aster tho.

- Aster is a lot different from the other wishing stars, while they’re these benevolent and wise entities, Aster is more of a naive and curious teen who’s fascinated with the world below them.

- No one wishes upon him EVER so he gets a lot of free time to just watch humans do human things and animals do animal things, and he loves it.

(He’s like Ariel and Quasimodo lmao)

- When he gets to earth he’s very excited to help Asha, showing appreciation for her wishing upon him through a lot of physical contact, often hugging her and holding her hand without him even noticing. (Asha at first is confused but she gets used to this behavior pretty quick)

- Although Aster is naive and overly excited they’re no fool, he can be very clever and creative when it’s necessary.

- He’s also not a fish out of water like Ariel when he’s on earth, they understands human customs and how things work, since he watched everything from the sky… Although nevertheless they’re delighted to see everything up close.

- He may be smart, but at first, they don’t really know how to guide Asha in the right path to make her wish come true, after all he’s a very inexperienced wishing star, and freeing a kingdom from an evil sorcerer king and queen is no easy task.

- But regardless he doesn’t let his own insecurities get to him, and remains optimistic they’ll figure it out, together.

His personality is reminiscent to Disney guys such as: Quasimodo, Peter Pan, Prince Philip (yes really, rewatch Sleeping Beauty, that boy has a lot of personality), Alladin and Hercules.

Main Traits:

- Optimistic and kind

- Naïve

- Protective

- Curious

- Energetic

- Secretly very insecure

Powers

I think it’s important to establish his abilities before we get to his backstory and all that jazz.

What he CAN’T do

Just like how Movie Asha did in her job interview, let’s get his weaknesses out of the way first.

- Sooo… don’t get mad but… Star won’t be a shapeshifter in my version. I don’t want him to feel too much like Maui or the genie. So he’ll stay in the shape of a princely looking boy the whole way through.

- He can’t teleport, would make things too easy, also there’s a plot reason I’ll explain later.

- Can’t materialize real things out of thin air, only things made of star dust so they don’t really have any utility other than to create fun visuals during music numbers or when he’s explaining stuff.

- Can’t hurt anyone, this one is VERY IMPORTANT for plot reasons I’ll talk about later on.

- Can’t make a wish come true with the snap of his fingers, he’s a star, not a genie.

Weakness: Dark Magic, hopelessness and Asha getting hurt.

What he CAN do

- Stretch and re-shape his body. He may not turn into animals but his body can regenerate and squash and stretch around (haha get it? Like the animation term), like he’s made of star dust. Have this piece of concept art as an example:

- He can Fly and make other people and objects fly too

- Unlock doors, may seem random now but I’ll explain in a minute.

- Bring plants to life, and make them grow bigger, and I mean like “make a flower the size of a house” bigger.

- Make animals talk, but the animals only keep talking IF they so desire, if that’s not something they wish for then the magic fades away with time.

- Tho he naturally understands animals and any other living thing in their own languages.

- He can feel other people’s wishes, not all the time tho, he has to make a conscious effort to see what’s that person’s deepest desire.

- His body is warm like a small sun, so he can give warm hugs… that’s a power, yes.

- Aster may not teleport, but they can move really REALLY fast

- Uncorrupt wish bubbles, I mentioned in part 2 that Magnifico twisted most the people's wishes, those wishes that are changed are called “Corrupted wishes”, Aster can change those wishes back to what they originally were.

- Create dreams, is that too much like the sandman from rise of the guardians?… Im still keeping it.

-Get inside drawings, This is just for a scene I imagine Aster shrinking and walking around inside Asha's sketch book, I think that's cute.

- Make a human disguise, I'll elaborate more on this when we get to talk about his design.

- He can grant wishes “but Anny you just said earlier he can’t—“ yes yes I know… he just grants them in his own unique way.

What gives him strength: Hopes and dreams

(Undertale reference? More likely than you think)

A wishing star purpose is to serve as a guide, that provides some magic intervention so that the wishmaker has the means to get to their goal.

As such, the stronger Asha’s hope, perseverance and passions are, the stronger and more limitless Star’s magic becomes. Like his magic abilities are charged up by Asha’s beliefs, the more she wants something, the more he can do for her.

Now, let’s talk about how Aster and other wishing stars that come to earth function, and to do that, we gotta go waaaaay back to another wish granting character in the Disney catalog.

The Blue Fairy- What can we learn from her?

- We all know the blue fairy from Pinocchio, she is in a way the closest thing we have in the Disney canon that resembles the concept of Star, so I’m considering them as both the same kind of entity, they’re both wishing stars.

(not the same character tho, and I’ll get to that soon don’t you worry)

- You would think a character we see so little about doesn’t provide a lot of context, but she actually gives us a pretty good idea about what wishing stars can and can’t do.

- First thing she says when arriving is:

“Good Geppetto, you have given so much happiness to others. You deserve to have your wish come true.”

- From that, we can interpret that wishing stars only assume a human form and help those who are truly pure of heart and have spread kindness to others. Like Asha.

- Geppetto wished for Pinocchio to be a real boy, a human boy, but the blue fairy couldn’t grant that wish, because the only one who could make himself a real boy was Pinocchio himself.

“To make Geppetto’s wish come true will be enterely up to you. Prove yourself brave, truthful and unselfish, and someday you will be a real boy"

- So, am I saying that Aster will just fly up to Asha and say “it’s all up to you to save your people… GOOD LUCK! 😊” sparkle some magic on her and leave?

- Well no although that would be funny, he’s not gonna do that, in fact, Aster will act way differently compared to the Blue Fairy.

- Although Aster can’t immediately make the people of Rosas “Have something more than this” he will do everything in his power to help Asha with anything she needs, and stay by her side the whole way through… Not at all what the Blue Fairy did.

- Lets say the Blue Fairy did exactly what a wishing star is supposed to do.

-She didn’t let herself be seen by anyone except Pinocchio and Jimminy Cricket, she only gave Pinocchio a few instructions and then left it all up to him, and even then when she went a bit beyond that to inform him that Geppetto was inside a whale she did so by sending a note… Almost like she couldn’t go back again to tell him personally… Interesting huh?

(I know the reason is because the animators would lose their minds if they had to draw that sparkly effect on her dress a third time but let’s pretend there’s more to it okay?)

- So we have her being the best role model of a wishing star… and then we have Aster...

-Doesn’t even know where to begin with helping Asha, chooses to stay on earth more than a day instead of just giving cryptic advice and leaving, was seen by multiple people aside from just Asha and Valentino, and worse of all, falls in love with his wish maker… yeah dude broke several rule… And the other stars ain’t happy about that.

- You could say the scale of Geppetto’s wish and Asha’s wish are way different, one just wants a son and the other wants to defeat two evil monarchs.

-But the stars don’t see it that way, to them every wish should be treated equally and it’s not their purpose to mingle with humans and change the course of their history.

- So you see, while the Blue Fairy could go back to the sky and then reappear anywhere she wanted… Aster won’t have that privilege.

-If he goes back to the sky he’s not coming back down, because the other stars won’t allow it, not after he broke their rules.

- Aster knows all that, because he can hear them talking to him, warning him to stop and go back to the sky… Aster keeps that information a secret from Asha for as long as they can…

- He knows after he’s done helping Asha they’ll never see each other again, but that’s fine, he’s willing to break every rule to help her…

- Oh also there’s a scene in Pinocchio where the Blue Fairy opens a lock to free Pinocchio from a cage… that’s why I said Aster can unlock doors… okay moving on to our boy backstory.

Backstory

Yup, Aster has a backstory. And it all started in one fateful night:

An elderly man was taking a walk, carrying his granddaughter in his arms, she was just a few weeks old, but he couldn’t wait to show her how beautiful the stars looked that night.

He sat with her on a thick tree branch, and even though she couldn’t understand him, he was so happy telling her the names of each constellation.

In that moment, it seemed like everything was perfect.

But then that moment ended… He heard screams, and smelled smoke.

The elderly man ran back to his home, only to find it completely engulfed in a fire.

His granddaughter was now crying in his arms as he watched some neighbors trying to put down the fire, but to no avail.

His son and daughter-in-law were in there, he lost them both in an instant, the pain he felt in that moment was immeasurable.

In that moment of sorrow all he could do was look up, between the thick smoke he saw it… a small star.

With all his heart, Sabino wished upon it

“I wish my dear granddaughter, Asha, never feel such pain and sadness as I’m feeling in this moment”

A new wishing star was born.

Those words were the first thing Aster ever heard, it took a few years for him to even know what they meant, but as Asha and him grew older, he started to understand them.

He tried his best to make Asha as happy as she could be with the little that he was allowed to do.

Sometimes giving her inspiration for her drawings, other times sending her nice dreams after a bad day.

But he felt like he was failing her, no matter what he did, Asha would still go through sad times… Specially after her grandfather passed away.

Aster treasured every happy moment that he saw Asha experience, her making new friends, getting better with her drawings, dancing during wish ceremonies. Aster would shine brighter every time she was happy.

Point is: They were connected the whole time, and Aster already knew Asha even way before she wished upon him.

To be clear he wouldn’t just stay up there looking at Asha all day, he was also interested on everything else on earth in general.

But then, we have Asha’s 18th birthday, the day she had to give away her wish.

Aster knew what was really going on in Rosas, about what happened to most of the people’s wishes, and although that also saddened the other stars they all agreed they couldn't intervene unless someone from Rosas wished for their help.

So you can imagine how happy Aster was when Asha wished upon HIM, of all the stars, she looked at him and asked for his help! What are the chances?

If you could listen to them, you’d hear all the stars collectively whisper “oh…this might not end well…” as Aster flies down to earth going "YYYYYPIIIEEEEEEE!!!"

A Star Who Wishes To Be Human

- I’ve made it very clear that Aster is different from the other stars, for the reason that he’s so young and so fascinated with life on earth.

- But there’s more than that, see, I mentioned before Aster can’t hurt anyone, and that’s not because he’s some holier-than-thou pacifist, it’s because his magic literally CAN’T hurt living beings.

- Because his magic is made of ✨hopes✨ and ✨kindness✨ and ✨everything nice✨, so even if they literally make a sword with his star dust, all it’ll do is give Magnifico some tickles.

- And Aster hates that.

- He wishes he could be more useful to Asha… wait, “wishes”?

- That’s silly, a star is not supposed to “wish” for anything, to have wants, that’s a human thing... And yet here he is wanting to protect Asha in any way possible.

- This drive to protect Asha runs even deeper than just the wish he received from her grandfather or the wish she made, Aster feels as if it's a wish that comes within him.

- Aster would question why they feels this way, is it love? Can’t be that right? A star can’t fall in love…

- The same way a star can’t taste food, or smell the flowers, or feel temperature…

- But Aster wishes they could, Aster wishes he knew what food tasted like, what was the smell of the flowers and the morning dew, but most of all… Aster wished he could feel Asha’s warmth, the same way she feels when they embraced.

- This would be Aster internal conflict for most of the movie. They’d realize that they can’t be with Asha forever, but Aster wanted to at least confess his feelings before they went to enact their plan to defeat the king and queen, that’s when we’d get “At All Cost”.

- Soooo a bit of a spoiler to this rewrite, I’m basically telling a story all out of order at this point, but here goes, Aster does become human by the end, after the king and queen are defeated, the stars realize that punishing Aster for breaking their rules wouldn’t be fair after he did so much good, and also because some of them can’t stand him so they decide “hey, let’s leave him there” and just ask him to return his magic back to the sky.

- Once Aster accepts, his magic would be turned into a brand new star, that shines brighter than all the others, because it carries all the magic that Aster accumulated by helping Asha and all of Rosas. And thus we’d get an origin story for THE wishing star.

Design

Aster has brown skin, sparkly freckles and blond hair that shines and moves almost like a candle.

He dresses up as a prince, with the classic cape we see in classic princes like in Snow White and Sleeping Beauty.

They choose that form because he recalls that Asha used to read a lot about princes that would help princesses in need, so he thinks it's fitting to at least looks like one to help Asha

"But I'm not a princess"

"I know, you're just pretty like one!"

A itty bitty detail I didn't mention until now: Aster would be hand drawn animated, while everything else would be 3D, and his animation would change as the movie progressed.

By change I mean he'd start in a very sketchy looking animation, like it's being drawn very frantically to reflect how excited he is to help Asha, but as the movie progresses he'd be drawn with more detail and with more fluid movements.

This would serve to both represent his character development, showing him becoming more mature and learning what it means to be human, and also a reference to how Disney's animation evolved over the years.

He can make a human disguise, as I mentioned earlier, but that would require him to keep his magic hidden somewhere, in this case, a round stone that holds his cape together on his chest.

Once his magic was all kept inside this stone he'd turn into a 3D animated character, however his movements wouldn't feel... quite right, like he'd be animated in a different frame-rate compared to everyone else, so you could tell he was struggling to make himself move like a human, and people would be able to tell there was something off about him.

In the end when he turned into a human for real he'd become 3D animated with the right frame-rate, and his hair would no longer be blonde, but rather brown, like his eyebrows (Tangled reference? yup)

Final Thoughts

This was DEFINITELY the hardest one to translate my thoughts into words! My gosh this took so long to write.

Don't know if you could tell but I'm very passionate about this scrapped idea of a human looking star falling in love with our protagonist, and no it's not just for the ✨aesthetic✨.

I don't think it's wise to throw a romance when writing a story just because you feel like it, a romance needs to progress both the story and the characters involved, think of it like how Naveen learned with Tiana the importance of working hard, while in turn showing her that life can also be fun. They complete each other, and I want the same for Asha and Aster.

Asha needs to learn that she shouldn't feel guilty for wishing more for herself, she worries too much about others and what others may think of her that she forgets her own self worth, and Aster shows her that she not only can wish for things for herself, but she can also accomplish anything she sets her mind to. From becoming an amazing artist that can give movement to her drawings to the leader of a rebellion against two evil monarchs, she can do it all.

Meanwhile, Aster needs to learn that what Asha's grandfather wished upon him is an impossible task, for Asha to always be happy, that's impossible, because sadness is a part of life, its a part of being human, and that's what he learns, what it means to be human, to fail, get up and try again. As a wishing star Aster always knew that humans had to fail a bunch of times before having their wishes granted but he could never imagine how hard that actually was, and Asha's perseverance even with all odds against her is what makes him love her even more.

I talked a lot about why Aster loves Asha, so I should probably mention what Asha sees in him too. Asha get's a lot of laughs from Aster's innocent reactions to natural things on earth, like how dazzled he is seeing the sun rise for the first time, how he just stops and starts chatting with animals and plants like a damn disney princess, or how he randomly starts rambling about how some constellations don't look at all like the animals they're named after "Like, seriously, why did they name that one a lynx? That's obviously a snake hehehe"

But most importantly she loves how caring he is, how he's supportive and passionate about her interests just as much as she is, and how he makes her feel safe, and in turn she wants to protect him too.

I'm honestly debating with myself how I want Aster to go about the information he has known Asha all his life, like, I imagine he'd probably want to hide the fact because he didn't want to talk about the sad tragedy that led to her grandfather wishing upon him, yes Asha knows about the fire but he doesn't want to remind her and make her sad, because remember, at first he doesn't understand that sadness is just part of life.

But then like, would he pretend to not know her? Or would he be like a ghibli character and just nonchalantly say "Oh yeah, I’ve always known you" and never elaborate on that until the story demands it?

… Great, now I just had the idea of Aster functioning like Haku from Spirited Away, like they don't remember where he knows Asha from because he forgot what their previous wish was now that he’s granting a new one, let's say stars can only remember one wish at a time, then as he gets to know her better he starts to remember what his first wish was, and things start to make more sense.

I don’t know, like that’s cute but might be a bit too complicated, y’all tell me, I’m throwing ideas and seeing what makes sense, this whole thing is me asking for feedback after all.

Honestly I think the idea of Aster knowing Asha the whole time works because it not only gives a better explanation to why a star came down from the sky to help her, but also gives more sense to the lyrics “you still amaze me after all this time” in At All Cost.

Welp, I think that's all I got, thank you so much for following along with this series, and don't worry I'm not over yet, there are a few characters to talk about before I start sharing the actual script of this rewrite.

Thank You For Reading!

[gay-dorito-dust]

May I please request any comfort fluff with Jiyan from Wuthering Waves if you're open to those requests?🙏😔 I need bro to comfort me

‘Are you okay?’

‘I’m sorry?’ You asked, looking up to see Jiyan stood over your seated form with conceding lacing his golden eyes.

‘Are you okay?’ He repeated, sitting down next to you, ‘you’ve been acting differently as of late and I feel as though there’s more to it than just a shift in personality.’

You chuckled humourlessly, the jig was up and you knew it but were too stubborn to accept help from anyone, especially from one who had more important matters at hand than your slight decline in mental health. ‘It’s nothing, honestly, I’m just a little-‘

‘Tired?’ Jiyan cuts you off and suddenly your throat felt drier than a desert and he must’ve known that he caught you in your one lie as he levels you with a stare, leaning slightly towards you. ‘How often have you used being tired as an excuse because people in your past have proven themselves ill equip with handling a difficult situation, despite saying false promises of being there for when life gets hard.’

‘Way too fucking often.’ You replied. ‘It’s like they were only in my life to take something from me, why? I’ll never know because they’re all gone and fucked off, like they didn’t just tore my souls to shreds snd left me to pick up the pieces.’ You concluded and it wasn’t until then did you realise that you had started to cry when Jiyan wordlessly wiped one away with his thumb.

You had let your guard slip, the one thing you’ve promised yourself to never do again in the presence of another person due to how they made it all about them; not to mention how they gone on about how suddenly they couldn’t handle your baggage before ghosting you completely whenever you tried to reach out to them again. You didn’t deserve that type of treatment and you know it, but you’ve less yourself to believe that their reaction will be how others would perceive your situation, and so you never bothered reaching out for help and instead letting it bottle up inside until you cracked.

‘I’m sorry.’ You gasped as you began to violently wipe away at your eyes when Jiyan held your wrists in his hand and brought them away from your face.

‘Don’t apologise,’ he started, ‘never apologise for your own emotions nor the people who’ve made you believe that others would turn a blind eye to your plan, for that is simply not true, but I understand that this is a hard mentality for one to unlearn after so long.’ Jiyan wasn’t well versed in comforting others, seeing as how he spent most of his life in the frontlines of the battlefield as both a medic and general, but that didn’t stop him from recognising that a misdeed had been committed against you and that he wouldn’t allow; So for you, jiyan would try his best to provide comfort that you needed.

‘Oh yeah? And who’s going to change that then you?’ You scoffed.

‘Yes.’ Jiyan answered without hesitation and a seriousness you’ve only ever seen in battle and that alone had you choke on your own words.

‘Why?’ You asked, looking into his eyes in hopes of getting the answer you wanted, you wanted to look for a lie within his eyes but his eyes only told you that he was being genuine with his words.

‘I want to prove that if there is one person who’s willing to shoulder your burdens with you, it’s me.’ He tells you. ‘I will not allow you to suffer alone during you’re in pain. So please, allow me to lend you aid in these difficult times.’

You stayed silent for a bit and Jiyan thought that he may have overstepped a boundary or two but his own worries were put to rest when you gripped onto his hand just as he was about to pull away. ‘If it’s not too much trouble for you.’

‘I wouldn’t have suggested such if it was, which it isn’t.’ Jiyan cuts you off softly.

‘Then I guess it couldn’t hurt.’ You said, slowly beginning to grow hope for this seemingly small promise.

[kitty-kat-art]

🧍‍♂️Mental illness has won, I've written a little in-depth essay exploring Dale as a character and breaking down his personality, actions, and how it relates to Dev and Doug. Also I threw in a bunch of my own little headcanons 💀

⚠️ CONTENT WARNING ‼️ This post will contain mentions of abuse, mental illness, and eating disorders. I don't go into uncomfortable detail, but still! Keep this warning in mind when reading on. Obviously, you are very much free to disregard any takes I have if they don't align with what you perceive, especially in regards to what I personally headcannon lololol. I am highkey projecting onto Dale because I like where they took his character compared to his first appearance in the original FOP. It presents MANY questions regarding what led him to end up the way he did, and that's something I always LOVE exploring!

Anyways, please also feel free to expand on anything I bring up here! There's a LOT, and I'm sure I still forgot to mention something somewhere... 😭 (Also, keep in mind I am only on episode 20 atm, so I have more Dale content to analyze besides the fact, so I may add onto this in the future or change my onions JSKDJSKDJLSJDKSJ)

The way Dale has been portrayed in FOPANW as one of the main antagonists presents a compelling exploration of Dale's character development, particularly in relation to Dev and Doug. It suggests that Dale's journey to becoming the father he is today stems directly from the influence of Doug, who, upon Dale's release from Vicky's lemonade dungeon, very briefly acknowledges him before shifting his focus entirely to Timmy. Dale doesn't even get a moment to greet his father before Doug redirects his attention to Timmy... This moment encapsulates the emotional neglect Dale experiences at the hands of Doug literally in an instant, as Doug doesn't even let his son get a single word in before moving on to prioritizes another child he doesn't even know, no doubt leaving Dale caught in a whirlwind of emotions—from initial excitement to a profound sense of emptiness at the realization that he's just going from one location lacking in proper support to another.

(Literally "WOW IT'S MY DAD 😃" to "... 😐" in seconds when he is ignored after 7 years of trauma just so his dad can yap at some other kid 😭)

Moreover, I believe that Doug’s obsession with monetary success profoundly impacted Dale's own self-worth. Before living with Doug, Dale was already fixated on hard work to please Vicky, aiming to generate wealth. Living under Doug's influence only magnifies this mentality, leading Dale to internalize that his identity is tied to his status as a Dimmadome, where financial success equates to personal value. This relentless pursuit of wealth distorts Dale's perception of self-worth, establishing a direct correlation between his earnings and his sense of purpose. If he fails to meet his own financial expectations, he feels worthles. It's been pointed out before that he falls into despair when his ability to make money is hindered.

While I don't think Doug was as absent in Dale's life as Dale is in Dev's (obviously we can't know for sure unless ANW explores that), the emotional absence is certainly palpable. I personally like to think that Dale is aware of his own flaws, yet his pride prevents him from acknowledging them. Maybe he has the incessant voice of Doug in his head, reinforcing the belief that he must constantly generate income to avoid feeling useless... This toxic mindset might lead Dale to distance himself from Dev on purpose, as he recognizes the love he never received and perceives Dev’s lack of gratitude for his own circumstances as a stark reminder of his own impoverished childhood. Dale's bitterness and jealousy manifest in a misguided perception that Dev has everything he, Dale, has ever desired, failing to recognize that Dev's true yearning is for paternal love and attention—elements Dale is ill-equipped to provide due to his own upbringing and emotional immaturity due to having never received unconditional love and support from his own dad, which can be assumed based on Doug's priorities and personality as portrayed in the original show... (If we get more seasons for A New Wish, I hope that they get a chance to explore Dales dynamic with Doug one on one, that could be something very interesting, I think, even if it is only mentioned briefly...)

Dale's behavior is UNDENIABLY selfish and manipulative, painting him as a narcissist. However, these traits can also be viewed as a defense mechanism, a survival strategy developed in response to a lifetime of neglect and abuse. There is a possibility that throughout his life, Dale has learned to trust no one but himself, leading to a bottled-up emotional state that makes him appear aloof on the surface. Consequently, he mirrors the tactics used against him by Vicky, employing similar strategies to cope with his own vulnerabilities, manipulating others and prioritizing money over the well-being of others. To outsiders, he may appear as a self-important narcissist, but this could easily be a façade that masks his desperate need for validation on his self-worth, which he vainly seeks through material wealth and accolades. When someone has no control over their life, they seek control through other means...

The accumulation of wealth becomes a means for Dale to convince himself of his greatness. Surrounded by paintings and statues of himself, he clings to the notion that financial success equates to personal value. It's a tragic cycle of self-deception; he rationalizes his wealth as proof of his worthiness, seeking external validation to fill the void within with which he lacks the proper tools to confront in a meaningful and healthy way. This could very well be an example of him attempting to take control of his own thoughts and feelings towards himself.

Dale clings to his wealth as a tangible affirmation of his worth as an individual, a testament to his perceived success and brilliance. 'Look at all this money I have! I have literally everything I could ever want and more! Don't you agree? Don't you think I'm rich? Aren't I doing well carrying my father's legacy as a Dimmadome? (Please recognize my status. Tell me I’m good. Validate my worth by giving me money.)' That type of mentality. This desperate plea for acknowledgment underscores a deeper insecurity, revealing his need for external validation to reinforce his self-esteem. He is the kind of man who believes that money solves all your problems, and maybe there's a chance that he has told himself that enough times that he finally started to believe it. He even seems to speak of his own traumatic experience working for Vicky as something that built his character. He LITERALLY carries a picture of his trauma around in his pocket and happily shows it to Dev...

"When I was you're age, I spent my Saturdays working in a FACTORY underneath a lemonade stand, for SEVEN YEARS. That's 364 Saturdays, do you know how many Saturday morning cartoons I missed out on!? ALL OF THEM... And look at the man I turned out to be." This quote vividly paints him as a bitter and jealous adult because he missed out on having a proper childhood, all while emphasizing that he views his trauma almost like a GOOD thing... Because otherwise he wouldn't be where he is now, so it HAD to be good, right? Just look at the man he turned out to be! (This guy is coping so hard! 😭)

In contrast, Dev appears to be navigating his OWN identity through the lens of his father's image, perhaps in an attempt to earn his approval. It's a common phenomenon for children to reflect their parents' behaviors, whether through mimicking their language, fashion, or taking on their parent's interests as their own... I believe it was Dev's choice to emulate his father's style... The white jacket and boots with gold accents paired with dark pants and slicked back hair... It suggests a conscious effort to mirror Dale on Dev's part. It seems unlikely that Dale actively encourages this mimicry; rather, it appears to stem from Dev's own desire for recognition, and the age old inclination nearly every child has with idolizing their parents and wanting to grow up to be JUST like them... Whether Dale is oblivious to this or simply indifferent remains a bit of a mystery.

Something else I've thought about is that Dev's tendency to wear sunglasses could also signify his own struggle with vulnerability, as he often obscures his eyes, maybe in an attempt to shield himself from the world or prevent himself from revealing to much emotion, much like his father. Yet, I've noticed a pattern with Dev. Sometimes, when he is feeling particularly vulnerable or upset, he removes the shades, revealing a desire to be seen and understood— a stark contrast to Dale, who prefers to hide behind his wealth and image and avoid eye contact at all costs unless the topic of discussion is money.

I like to think that Dale’s tendency to avoid eye contact could be interpreted as a defense mechanism against the judgment he feels from others, as if he can't stand seeing the way people judge him (This is just my own personal HC). This avoidance would stem from a deep-seated insecurity that was planted in him at a young age and never got uprooted before it took hold. Perhaps he feels scrutinized and exposed, with the exception being when the conversation shifts to financials... In these instances, he may feel a temporary sense of control, something he has lacked his WHOLE life, on top of never being properly loved when it mattered most in regards to the development of his brain.

I feel like Dale's pride would keep him from confronting his emotional turmoil, leading him to suffer in silence. He guards his vulnerabilities closely, perhaps fearing that revealing his pain would make it 'real'. The prospect of others discovering his deep-seated feelings of inadequacy terrifies him, reinforcing his need to maintain a façade of success. Because of this, he ends up reflecting narcissistic traits on the surface to make up for his own incompetence.

I also HC that Dale's emotional distance from Dev is a conscious choice rooted in his own experiences of fatherly love—or rather, the lack thereof. His upbringing under Doug no doubt left Dale with a warped understanding of affection and how one goes about loving another person. I mean... Just look back at their first interaction in the original cartoon where Doug didn't even give Dale a second to say anything before turning his attention to Timmy, basically saying 'You are not as important as the thing that can give me money or free labor', which is an attitude he carries into adulthood with Dev.

Dale's perception of his son also seems clouded by envy, as he watches Dev embrace the childhood experiences he himself was deprived of. This dynamic could explain why Dale sometimes appears 'burdened' by Dev's presence; he may be grappling with the painful reminder of what he missed out on. The interplay between their identities and emotional needs highlights the complexities of familial relationships, particularly in the context of legacy and the expectations placed upon them. The cyclical nature of this dynamic becomes a poignant exploration of how unresolved issues from one generation can profoundly impact the next if left unresolved. In this context, it becomes apparent that Dale’s deliberate push against any emotional attatchment with Dev is a projection of his own unresolved feelings.

Dale's existence has been predominantly defined by work and money, reducing him to a mere instrument for generating wealth—essentially, the heir to the Dimmadome fortune. This is not a matter of opinion, but fact... And this type of upbringing has deprived him of the fundamental aspects of being treated as a person with emotional needs, to which he passes onto his own son. To Vicky, Dale was barely human. Left with a gaggle of other presumably kidnapped or trafficked children that she used to generate money for herself while neglecting their basic needs, like providing them with food, water, proper sunlight and places to sleep. Just look at Dale's body right after he is freed compared to his appearance when he's older. He was significantly skinnier and much paler than Timmy and his dad. Not to mention the tattered clothes that barely fit him and the dirt and grime covering his body.

Expanding off his abuse under Vicky, if we consider the realisfic ramifications regarding that whole situation, I HC that Dale would struggle with food consumption in the sense that he might over indulge due to the ingrained fear of not knowing the next time he's going to eat, and then feeling self conscious about himself after the fact and 'punishing' himself by not eating for extended periods of time. Additionally, though it's said as a joke in the original show, Dale expresses his discomfort seeing natural light... "The light! It burns!"

(Also note how skinny the kid in the background on the right is! Holy shit! Vicky was obviously NOT concerned with their well being, this would absolutely affect Dale mentally)

But if we take this throwaway line seriously, it's important to note that people who are kept in the dark for extended periods of time can have their vision permanently damaged. So, I like to imagine that Dale wears contacts or even reading glasses on occasion when no one else is around. (Just cause I think reading glasses are cute... 😭 Also I love over analyzing cartoon men... 🫶 Also I love taking things too seriously in regards to my headcanons teehee 😇)

Ultimately, Dale's emotional landscape is one of confusion and disconnection, leaving him with no framework for how to genuinely love someone. His interactions with Dev reveal a complex web of projection, unfulfilled desires, and a tragic inability to break free from the cycle of emotional neglect that has defined his life.

In conclusion...

[tlou-reid]

visitor's list ✰ spencer reid

warnings ✰ angst, cursing, prison spencer

summary ✰ when spencer goes to prison, his visitor's list seems to be missing a name

notes ✰ idk if i like this but it's an idea i had since i first saw s12 lol i hope u like it!

you don't know if anything has ever hurt as much as this. you've had emily prentiss tell you bad news before, this was definitely not the first. but, damn, this was the worst. every word felt like a gunshot right into your heart.

"spencer was found in mexico."

bang

"we are still trying to figure out how and why he ended up there."

bang

"he was, thankfully, extradited back to the united states due to a complication in the case."

bang

"we are still figuring everything out but for now he's here and he is safe."

okay, that part felt good. knowing he was safe was comforting, a little. but, that feeling did not last long. emily had that look on her face. her sad eyes with a soft tilt of her head. she was hiding something. "emily, what else?"

well, she was actually hiding a lot from you. she was hiding that there was drugs involved. she was hiding that reid was on said drugs. she was hiding that he decided not to take a plea deal and was going to have to remain in jail. she was hiding that the fbi would not be helping him at all. she was hiding that he is not in protective custody. she was hiding that you were not on his visitors list.

"we're still figuring everything out, there's a lot of details i don't know and even more i cannot tell you," she takes a sigh, "he has been allowed to have visitors, garcia is going to the first-"

"why not me?" you interrupted with a furrow of your brain. you were spencer's lover. spencer's person. spencer's other half. sure, you did not go out in the field with him. sure, you weren't equipped to handle the legal side, but you knew spencer. physically, mentally and emotionally; you knew spencer. he needed you. he needed you more than someone to talk about what he is missing on the field. he needed comfort, stability, love. all of these things only you could provide for him.

"y/n," emily says, her eyes even sadder, "there are some," she takes a breathe, letting the statement hang in the air for a couple seconds, "complications".

"what kind of complications?" your voice is harsher than you intend for it to be. the tears that have been welling up in your eyes since she knocked on your door are threatening to fall. your whole body is tense as you rush out each inquisitive statement.

"y/n, you cannot see spencer." her tone was more authoritative, but her look, that fucking stare, that was full of pity. full of sadness. god, you hated it.

"what the fuck do you mean?" you rush out, tears finally falling. they had changed their composition. the tears that had welled up in your eyes were full of sadness, full of fear. but the ones that hit your cheek were full of anger, full of distrust. of course you could see spencer, he's yours. he's more yours than any of the bau agents, that's one thing you were sure of.

"spencer, he uh, he had to create his list. the list of people who could go visit him while he is in prison. your name was never put on it."

bang. bang. bang. bang. bang. bang. bang.

emily tried to break the news gently, she did not want you to be hurt and she did not want to be the one hurting you. but there was no way to prevent it. your knees started to wobble and your hands started to shake. your breathing became ragged. this was a new feeling, one you'd never experienced before. you felt sad, angry, distrustful, resentful, jealous. you felt so many things.

emily reached out to put a gentle hand on your shoulder but you dodged it. "he chose not to let me see him." you declared, not leaving any room for emily to reply. emily prentiss is a smart woman, one who rarely doesn't know what to say or do. but she was speechless. she hurt for you. she was sad for you.

"i need to go," you stepped away from her, closing the door and walking into your house. she didn't come in when you invited her and now you knew why. she had nothing but bad news for you.

your tears were flowing freely. you didn't know what to do, so you sunk to the middle of the living room floor, trying to find comfort within yourself. what did this mean for you? what did this mean for spencer? what did this mean for your relationship? here you were, laying in the middle of your shared living room, surrounded by his books, the art he liked, the blanket jj's mom made for him. and yet, he was behind bars not even acknowledging your feelings, your hurt, your uncertainity. upon this realization, the tears turned into sobs, echoing through your home that now felt so empty.

but you were so wrong. so so so wrong. every single thought that wracked his brain was you. from the time he had enough clarity in his brain to think after coming down off of the drugs, you were on his mind. he had written his list with your name at the top, before recalling all of the things he'd been told.

"You just gotta learn how to survive"

"But if you keep this up, keep thinking the normal rules apply in here, then I cannot help you"

"They're gonna beat you again. Might even kill you"

the first time he removed your name from the list, it was selfish. he was struggling in here already, how would he get by if they knew he had a beautiful, loving, kind woman coming into to see him? being happy he was alive? feeling protective over him? loving him? sure, he knew he was a good person, and he knew he was probably the smartest person in here, but he felt so weak. he felt exposed, vulnerable. he did not want them to use the one thing in the world that made him feel those things in a safe, positive way, and run with it. so, for the first time, he removed your name from the list. he was being selfish, he knew that. but he also knew he needed to survive. otherwise, he wouldn't get to come home to you. so, going a few months, just until his team proved his innocence, without you seemed like the best course of action.

once he got over those fears, he decided he'd need to see you eventually. he missed you. he missed your smile. he missed talking to you. and so, he put your name back on the list. he might've even smiled as he went to turn it in, thinking about the day he got to see you.

and then he pictured you. your radiant smile and bubbly energy, walking into such a dark, desolate place. he looked at himself in the mirror, and he imagined you. he imagined you with dark circles under your eyes, the smile wiped off of your face. he imagined you in his spot, weak, scared and unsure of the future. he ripped the list up, re-writing it one last time. to any normal person, it was irrational. obviously visiting a prison and being imprisoned are two very different things. but to spencer, it was the same. you were an extension of him. you felt the things he felt, you saw things the way he did. and he knew that him seeing you, and you seeing him, would not be good for you. so, the list was ripped up. then, it was rewritten with the bau members, then it was turned in.

and then it was forgotten. by him, at least.

as time went on, he had other things to prioritize. he was focused on his safety, as well as the safety of the other inmates. he feels as though he has a duty to protect them, so he moves on and takes action in the prison.

you, on other-hand, are never going to forget his list. the pain you felt because of that stupid fucking list.

so, you keep yourself busy. you work longer hours, picking up extra work in your job. you meet up with your friends, not spencer's friends, your friends. you don't tell them about where he is, just some off handed comment about his job when they ask.

your favorite activity becomes visiting ms. diana. spencer's mom has grown to love you, and you enjoy your talks, even if she doesn't remember all of them. you make it a point to be there when the nurse is taking her lunch, just because you know that jj comes later than lunch time, and you do not want to see her. so, naturally, you do not see the nurse or jj, getting to enjoy your time with ms. diana all by yourself.

you have not seen any of the team. penelope and luke have both left messages on your phone that you haven't bothered to listen to. jj has called and texted, you even answered one time. but when she told you she was on her way to see spencer, you quickly, but politely, ended the call. it wasn't that you didn't want to hear about spencer or didn't want to talk to the team, it just hurt too much. it's been over a month and you haven't gotten to see spencer, or even hear his voice. because of a choice he made. so, seeing those who did get those privileges was too much and you avoided it.

until rossi was knocking on your door, and luke was creeping in your windows. the knocks were quick and heavy, clearly indicating that they needed you. reluctantly, you opened it.

"y/n," rossi smiles, "we did it." you thought you knew what he was talking about, but just in case you were wrong, you furrowed your eyebrows and cocked your head. "reid's out," luke calls from behind rossi. they are expecting you to look excited, to move to the car to go see him right now. but you don't.

your body relaxes. it was a natural instinct. despite all of your feelings about this situation, knowing he was both innocent and out of prison was a comforting thought. a lot of the pent-up negative energy releases from your body once you know he is safe.

"he is coming to the bureau, we came to get you so you can be there when he arrives," rossi clarifies, slightly confused by your lack of excitement.

"he doesn't want me." you were going to say 'he doesn't want me there', but your brain stops you. it's not that he didn't want you at the bureau; spencer did not want you. he did not want you to visit. he did not want to call you. he did simply did not want you.

"what are you talking about?" luke asks. you were getting real tired of crying in front of fbi agents, but here you were. standing in your doorway, crying over spencer reid, just as you had done a few months ago. rossi's face softens, understanding your pain now.

"he didn't let me visit, he didn't call. he didn't want me, luke. he didn't want me when he needed me most and he definitely doesn't want me now." you feel bad for talking to luke the way you were, he was always nice to you. but, fuck, you were hurting.

"he loves you so much," rossi starts one of his speeches, "he was scared, y/n. please, give him a chance. the spencer you knew was not the same spencer in prison. he asked about you every time anyone went to see him. he tried to explain and apologize. not seeing you destroyed him. please, just come with us."

you had never heard rossi beg for anything before. you could see the sincerity in his eyes. right now, rossi knew spencer better than you did. you felt like you didn't know anything about him. so you decided to listen to the person who does. you climbed into the car, letting rossi and luke take you to see spencer.

you arrived before him, taking the elevator up to the bau floor. you were familiar with this room, having dropped off plenty of lunches that spencer had forgotten at home. your eyes fell on his desk. there was a picture frame that you knew had a picture of you and him. despite keeping a neat, proper desk, he always made sure to have a way to show you off. everyone in the room was looking at you with sad expressions.

what felt like hours, but was probably only minutes passed before the elevator dinged, signaling his arrival. when he stepped out, his eyes immediately fell on you. he looked so tired. so scared. so weak. he didn't even glance at anybody else, making his way straight to you. as he approached, you looked at his chest, too sensitive to bring your eyes to meet his.

"i'm sorry," was the first thing he said. he couldn't imagine the pain you were feeling. he had a million things to say but also nothing at all. he let this statement hang in the air before he continued, "and i love you. so much."

you finally looked him in the eyes. you didn't say anything, just looked at him.

"can i hug you?" he asked cautiously. you hesitated and then nodded. you were quickly enveloped by his arms, his scent, his love. him.

[growing-home]

i spent nearly two decades of my life severely depressed and suicidal and for so long i believed wholeheartedly that it was my fault. i believed that the reason no medication or therapy had ever worked for my depression was because i wasn’t ACTUALLY depressed— i believed i was just lazy, bad, manipulative, and just using depression as an excuse for the inherent badness i thought was inside me. this was a story that was told to me and reinforced over and over again by treatment providers.

this past summer, i tried my 30th+ psychiatric medication, not expecting to see any results. the day i realized it was working was the day i realized that i was…planning my future???suddenly i no longer wanted to stay in bed all day and never go outside. i no longer wanted to isolate. i wanted to see people, talk to people! i started spending more time with friends and facetiming people and talking on the phone, things that i rarely did in the past. when i had been depressed, the only movies/tv shows i could focus on were super intense, fast paced, and scary or disturbing because that was the only way to hold my attention. after starting this medication, i started enjoying SITCOMS! i no longer felt like i was fighting to just get through every single day of my life.

there was such a clear and measurable difference in the quality of my life that i started to question why i believed that my depression had been my fault. it became very clear to me that a large part of my depression had been biological. i had not been lazy or bad. i had been sick. my brain was sick the same way other organs get sick sometimes. this brought up a lot of grief for me— grief for all the lost time that i’d spent trying to find something that worked, grief for how much pain i had been in for so long. but it also brought up sheer FURY at all of the therapists and psychiatrists who had treated me like i just wasn’t trying hard enough to get better.

i had been labeled treatment resistant, of course, and the only recommendations i had received after being given that label were TMS, Ketamine, and ECT. once i had tried all three with no success, i believed i was just a lost cause. i thought i was out of options. i was made to feel that way by so many treatment professionals. i was told that nothing was working because of my complex trauma and that once i healed from that then i would stop being depressed (as if it’s that easy to just fully recover from CPTSD!) i was told that i just needed to do more DBT, i just needed to live and breathe DBT skills and then i would get better, even though i’d done intensive DBT programs for years with no improvement to my depression. (yes, it helped me to change my behavior and quit self harm, but behavior change isn’t necessarily indicative of a change in mood. i could do all the right things all the time and still be in excruciating mental pain.)

i was told that i just wasn’t trying hard enough, or that i must have a personality disorder, or that i just needed to exercise more, or eat less, or eat MORE, or eat differently, or get a job, or get a dog, or do yoga, or acupuncture, or biofeedback, or find purpose in my life— psychiatrist after psychiatrist looked for something to blame everywhere but in the mirror. instead of admitting that they weren’t equipped to help me, they made me believe that it was MY fault i wasn’t getting better. and i believed them. for SO long, i believed them.

and now after finding a medication that works for me, i see everything so much more clearly. psychiatrists need to put their enormous egos aside and actually treat patients with treatment resistant depression instead of blaming us for suffering from a (partially at least) biological illness. if you’re a doctor and you know that a patients illness is outside of the scope of your abilities, either do more research and get more training to help them or refer them to someone who specializes in what they need. don’t keep them around letting them pay you thousands of dollars while you make them try the same thing over and over and over again and expect to get a different result. people act like things like ECT are a last resort option, and in doing so make people believe that if it doesn’t help then you’re out of options. but nobody ever tried me on tricyclics. nobody tried me on MAOIs. nobody told me about how some dopamine agonists like Pramipexole have had some success in treating treatment resident depression. instead i was made to feel like asking to not be suicidal daily was asking for too much. if you’re a clinician who thinks that’s asking for too much, you’re in the wrong profession. we can do better than that. we NEED to do better than that.

in my experience, out of every profession, doctors have some of the biggest egos i’ve ever seen. i say this as someone who is both mentally ill as well as physically disabled. many doctors HATE it when you do your own research. they HATE it when you have suggestions, or when you ask for what you need. it’s almost as if they feel threatened by it, like they need to believe that they are superior to their patients because of how much time and money and energy they put into going to med school— they need to believe they hate their hard work was worth it so they have a tendency to dismiss any ideas their patients might have. i don’t care how many years you’ve been in school. you do not get to tell your sick patients that it’s their fault they’re sick to justify your laziness and refusal to learn new things. put away your god complex and actually listen to your patients.

and the strangest part to me is that the longer you have been suicidal for, the less seriously they take it. the same way that the more chronically ill you are the less people believe you. it’s bizarre— when people see pain that is beyond what they can fathom, instead of feeling empathy, they tell you you must be faking it or that you must be looking for attention. i’ll never understand this. it’s as if they think that suicidality doesn’t need to be taken seriously unless the patient has successfully completed suicide. and i think it’s very clear how that logic is flawed. i was treated like i just wanted attention whenever i asked for help with my chronic suicidality and it made me terrified to ask for help with ANYTHING. i still constantly am afraid that if i’m too honest with clinicians then they’ll think i just want attention. attention isn’t a bad thing to want, all human beings need some degree of attention, but regardless that doesn’t negate the severity of a person’s suicidality. i wasn’t attention seeking by asking for help. i was STRONG. i was really fucking strong, far stronger than i should’ve had to be. i fought for my life every single day and i am lucky to still be here but it’s not luck that got me here. it’s ME that got me here.

i don’t want to make it sound like i speak for everyone who has suffered from TRD, because i don’t think that would be fair. i can’t tell you if there’s a med out there that’ll work for you. all i can tell you is that most psychiatrists prematurely tell chronically suicidal patients that there is nothing they can do to help them or that they’re out of medication options. if you’re a psychiatrist or doctor and you feel yourself getting defensive while reading this, i invite you to get curious about where that activation is coming from.

and if you are someone with treatment resident depression or chronic suicidality reading this, i am telling you now: your illness is not your fault. i don’t know if it’s going to get better or not, but i can promise you— it is not your fault and it never has been.

[hyacinthusmemorial]

is it only me, who goes like "Apollo must have flashback to hyacinth dying , when he saw Achilles and dead Patroclus,

Am I the only one who thinks of this? Okay

If that’s your personal head canon, go right ahead. Believe what you want to, nobody will stop you. 👍😉 I think its definitely a sweet sentiment, and a fun little brain worm.

But, I don’t think Apollo would react that way for for quite a few reasons. The first is mythology and the second is psychology and the third is genre.

The mythological reason is that Apollo is directly and purposefully responsible for Patroclus’s death, and he definitely hates Achilles. Like actually. The List of Top Ten People Apollo hates has Achilles twice on it. If he was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Achilles, and he had a gun with two bullets in it, he would shoot Achilles twice. He wants Achilles to suffer, and when Patroclus dies he tells Hector that he’s the third guy to kill him, but Apollo was the first to kill him. Because I think everyone in the Trojan war knows Apollo and Achilles hate each other. Apollo because Achilles murdered his sons (plural) and Achilles because he knows Apollo’s going to kill him. Reasons for their bitter rivalry can be found in this post here. There are more probably too.

As far as the psychological aspect, let’s assume Apollo’s psyche is like a human’s (which I do not think it totally is, but that’s another post). Trauma and Grief are two completely separate experiences. Grief is a normal human thing which we are given excellent coping skills to overcome by nature. People die. It’s a fact of life. But, HOW people die can be traumatic. For example, if your in a war and you watch your buddy die from a mine exploding and he doesn’t die right away, that’s traumatic. The grief is still separate from the trauma. Its closely aligned, but its separate. Trauma on the other hand is a situation that humans are not equipped to handle—its a situation outside the psychological norm. So our brain adapts normally to an abnormal situation.

I think the only true similarity between Patrochilles/Hyapollo deaths is that they were gay and one of them died before the other. If anything, Apollo was feeling a little vindictive when Patroclus died. He was the arm of fate that killed Patroclus, and Achilles absolutely deserved the death and destruction of everything he held dear in my POV. He was a serial assaulter and a war criminal.

Another reason why flashbacks just don’t work is because flashbacks are a trauma response. I think there’s a separate issue where one might live in the memories of a loved one’s passing, but that’s separate from a flashbacks. Flashbacks from PTSD are when the subconscious fear overwhelms the conscious. It requires a trigger, which can be anything and sinister—subtle and terrible. We know from the ancient authors that one of Apollo’s trigger is a westerly wind. @gingermintpepper had an excellent post providing several sources about Apollo’s approach to Hyacinthus and Asclepius’s deaths.

A flashback is a fear response in a situation that does not require this response based off of a trigger that puts the sub-conscious into a flight/fight mode and makes someone relive a previous traumatic experience. So for example Apollo might feel a western wind and relive Hyacinthus’s death or fear that Zephyrus is about to hurt him or the person he is with. This also depends on coping skills, and whether the person has developed grounding skills to put them back in the present.

I don’t believe that the situation with Patroclus/Achilles is triggering in the right way to elicit a flashback in Apollo. Patroclus and Achilles deaths are pretty different from Hyacinthus’s. So even if he had a grief response it would be minimal. At least from my perspective, one of my parents died when I was a child, and I had to take care of them while they were sick. I take care of a lot of sick people in my day to day, and I will say I rarely ever experience something that puts me back into the mode I was in when my parent died. I walk past the room my parent died in sometimes, cause I work in the hospital that they died in, and I am alright because I recognize the situation and I’m able to accept they died there. Alternatively, what does illicit a response in me is a certain smell my parent had when they were dying. I recognize it in patients sometimes, and I can have a visceral response to that, but again, I have learned how to appropriately deal with these sorts of things because “improve, adapt, overcome.”

Trauma is absolutely just a part of living in the world. Everyone has their own life story and troubles and triggers and struggles. But I don’t think Apollo/Hyacinthus connects to Patroclus/Achilles in any intense way.

Alternatively, I think perhaps something Apollo might have a more visceral response to is Hermes and Crocus, who are quite nearly the same dang story. That’s Apollo’s brother, and he loses someone the same way Apollo lost someone. That would open up gateways of intense suffering.

As far as genre goes, Apollo and Hyacinthus have a horror story parading as a romance story. Zephyrus is a sinister, invisible monster—he causes violence in a place where violence does not belong. On the other hand, Patroclus/Achilles is a war story—violence is expected. They both absolutely knew they were going to fie in that war, so their agony is expected from the beginning. Hyacinthus’s loss is unexpected and therefore, grievous. Not that losing your lover/cousin in a war is less horrific—it’s just prepared for, while losing your lover in a meadow while playing discus is…not.

I don’t mean that your personal view is wrong in anyway. Apollo is a divine character and anybody can have any view of him they would like. A lot of people view him as the antagonist of the Iliad and Achilles’ story, which to me, he just isn’t. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I love perspectives and opinions. I like sharing mine, so I love it when people share theirs.

[mister-tom-a-dildo-lover]

Since it's a celebartion, can we get something where Tom surprises Harry for his birthday? I see a lot of Harry giving Tom gifts or surprising Tom but never the other way around. Thanks! Any kind of story au will do.

TY! ^-^

Fandom: HP Ship: Tomarry Rating: T-Rated AU: Alternate Universe - Same Timeline, No Voldemort TAGS: Birthday, Fluff, Pre-Relationship

~.O.~

The Point of Invention

It was going to be Harry Potter's birthday, and Tom had been invited to the party. And yes, it was considered a party because unlike many of the pompous Pureblood families, the Potters didn't host balls or fancy dinners where everyone was supposed to judge each other in respectable silence. It was just a party. A very muggle approach to such an event as well.

Harry had sent Tom the invitation personally, and he knew it because Harry's script was atrocious and very easy to differentiate between the writing of others. Theodore Nott had also received an invitation to the party and his invitation was made almost exactly the same except the words inside were all typed out perfectly, whereas Harry chose to leave Tom a personal note, which had to mean that he favoured Tom over the other potential guests.

As an orphan with nothing really to his name, Tom had to improvise on gifts.

He could not purchase anything that Harry would not already be able to purchase for himself. And Harry was incredibly intelligent and talented, so it wasn't as if he needed assistance with his classwork. Harry's mother, father, godmothers, godfathers, and other extended relations that weren't directly of the Potter line, all possessed Masteries in their chosen fields, so Tom had nothing to offer on whatever it was Harry decided on for his future as those in his life already had more information than he could hope to provide.

It was difficult, he'd admit.

To be perfectly honest, at least in the depths of his own mind, Tom hadn't really cared much about his own birthday, or the birthdays of pretty much anyone else at Hogwarts. The most ever he put in was getting everybody in his year's dorm room, gloves and a scarf, every Yule. He didn't put in any effort beyond that.

But this was Harry James Potter. Gryffindor Quidditch Captain, member of the Famous Witches & Wizards Trading Cards Club and Frog Choir, defeater of the Dark Lord Grindelwald, and currently the holder of the highest Defense O.W.L. grade in Magical Britain's history. It would feel wrong to give him an unimpressive gift. He wanted Harry's regard above all others after all. He had to prove to Harry that he was worth knowing.

Which meant Tom had to get creative.

Magic could do many things, and Tom's control of his magic was leagues above most everyone in Hogwarts, even the majority of the professors included.

If Tom put his mind to it, he'd succeed at anything.

And since he decided he wanted Harry Potter's attention and admiration, there wasn't left for him to do, but create. Harry wasn't swayed by Tom's pretty face, so maybe Tom's brilliance would say him instead.

~.O.~

"Tom... did you make me a magical mobile phone?" Harry asked, staring at the boxy item in his hand. It was decently heavy, but one side was completely made of smooth, obsidian glass.

"I tweaked the basic idea. As Two-Way Mirrors were also inspired by muggle creations, but can take a long time to react, I felt they were insignificant. Presently, muggles have advanced their mobile phones to be touchscreen-capable, carrying functioning cameras that can take both photos and videos, and connecting to the vast information highway of the internet. I have not figured out how the internet truly works in order to replicate connecting to it safely without placing our existence in danger, but this device can at least take photos and videos, as well as connect to the six others I have created for you to share without whomever you wish.

"The connection is instant, and they can record basic audio as well. Now, there is a connecting piece of equipment much like a muggle television. If you take a photo or video, you insert this cartridge into the device to copy it. You will then, much like a tape player, insert the cartridge into this slot under the big screen, and you will see/hear what your camera recorded."

Tom proceeded to, presumably, take a photo of Harry with one of the other 'phones', remove a cartridge from the base of the 'phone', and then insert it into the 'television'. Harry's baffled face was displayed in full colour, as well as the gaping people surrounding him at the party.

Somehow, in an attempt to create a birthday gift for Harry, Tom had managed to discover how to make photos appear in colour... with magic. They'd suffered with black and white and sepia photos for decades because magicals couldn't crack the secret behind colour photography.

After that, Tom demonstrated how to place a call, showing how well the receiver and speakers worked on the 'phones' he's created, and how Harry could use the camera, much like a smartphone in the modern muggle world, to start a video call. Like a more advanced Two-Way Mirror basically. And the screen was rather sizeable too.

A glance to the side showed his parents openly gaping, although his mother looked especially interested, eying Tom's inventions with eager eyes. She probably wanted to know what Charms he'd used. Or if he'd used Charms at all.

This was the most effort Tom had ever put into anything besides his grades and his reputation. They were friends of many years, and Harry admired him a lot, but to go to the trouble of improving upon an existing invention so Harry could use it to stay in touch with his loved ones more easily... That was far more than most would ever do.

This wouldn't benefit him in any way, yet he still went and did it. And it had to have taken him ages to work through considering his summer job took up half of his free time.

Distantly, he recalled that one time, Harry's mother Lily had informed him that in life, he should surround himself with those who 'loved him to the point of invention'.

Tom hadn't said those words specifically, but what else could it be? What else could he be saying with such a thoughtful gift? What else could he mean when he dedicated himself to learning how phones and televisions were made so he could replicate them magically?

Harry felt a sprig of warmth bloom outward from within, and he couldn't help but smile at Tom winningly. He then decided to tease Tom a little by kissing his cold cheek and making his face go bright pink with sudden warmth. "You're very sweet, Tom."

...And he might have broken Slytherin's future Head Boy. Just a little bit.

~.O.~

A/N: Thanks for reading! ^-^

Check out my Tomarry/Harrymort fics on AO3!

Watermelonsmellinfellon(Mister-Tom-A-Dildo-Lover)

[Ko-Fi]

[roaenexists]

Pick-A-Pairing Tarot and Oracle readings for the collective.

From left to right we have Pairing One: Leather. Pairing Two: Starburst. Pairing Three: Cerebral.

Pairing One: Leather.

You have been getting a little too big for your britches, as my grandma would say. You have been communicating and behaving in a way that has showed those around you a haughtier side of yourself than I know you'd prefer. In other words, you've been coming off as a bit of a bitch and we both know you're capable of better than that. You need to do some inner child work and tap back in to a learner's mindset. You don't have to fundamentally change who you are, just walk it back a bit. Did you ever love learning? Did you ever used to value the input of those around you? Tap back into that energy and you'll be surprised at how naturally it comes. Past You is here to support Present You. Stop trying to rush to your future self because right now you're missing the mark. Open yourself up to the lessons your friends and mentors and colleagues have for you, and embrace the youthful spirit you've been neglecting. Come home to yourself.

Pairing Two: Starburst

Recently you've ended something and then immediately begun something new that, quite frankly, you are ill-equipped to handle. I'm inclined to think it's a relationship, though for some of you it's a new job, or a personal project. But y'all all got one thing in common: You are going about this all wrong. You had your head in the clouds about what was going to be required of you, and how quickly you were capable of providing it, but the reality of the situation is that you have all the wrong tools, most of the wrong perspective, and none of the energy. You aren't seeing the situation clearly, most likely because you haven't been doing the necessary work on yourself to make sure you were ready for this new journey. If it's too late now to walk it back, don't panic. Set aside some time to really refill your emotional, spiritual, and physical cups. Make your own health and well-being the priority, at least for long enough to recenter and reassess. You cannot expect a battery to work when empty, and you cannot care for others without first tending to your own needs.

Pairing Three: Cerebral

Shit sucks right now. You're in a situation where you are powerless and/or unhappy, with the caveat being that there's no fucking reason you shouldn't be seeing and, more importantly, feeling progress already. You feel you've learned all you can from where you are, you've made all the moves, and all that's left is to move on. The good news is that it's only a matter of time. If you can bear down and get through time then you will be able to pursue your own idealistic future, which includes physically moving location in some way, and probably also mental health support services. Will you actually make it there is up to you, but overall this draw is giving big Trevor Project, "It gets better," vibes. It's corny but it is literally in the cards. You are moving forward. Time and space are not separate, so the longer you press on, the farther you are from where you want to leave. Things are changing. This is inevitable. If you can ride the tumultuous waters, they will eventually calm down, and you will be able to take control of your vessel in the way you know you need to. You know you are meant for different; you just need to believe it until your experienced reality is reflecting that truth back to you. Take this energetic hug from me and Spirit and know that your future is full of potential. If you need to vent you can DM me. Just keep going.

[t-the-ring-master]

This will be made as a male reader mostly because I feel like there isn’t enough with female characters and I just want dad character to Brightbill. However, feel free to imagine it as however you like, they are robots so not much happening in that area, so do what you like. And please make sure to salt your purple next time, gives it flavor.

If anyone wishes to be tagged in any future The wild robot posts or anything else, please comment, ask through ask box or just message me!

Imma try and ask C if she can draw T as a Rozzum one of these days. I also wrote this over like an hour. My face hurts so not as long as I wanted it to be but oh well. Hope you enjoy!

I also just added the last part for fun. Also if someone wants to request a continuation of this.

TW: none? No use of Y/N, I use (Name). Mentions of mates and partners I guess? Everyone ships you with Roz I guess.

Request: circus anon

Requests: open

Taglist: @cs-cabin-and-crew @the-lavender-clown

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Roz x Robot!reader

You had crash landed in the woods. Your metal package and your transmitter to contact your built site had been damaged as well.

So you decided to try and find the person whom had ordered you.

Yeah that didn’t go well.

You had been kicked, attacked, chased and more within just the span of 6 hours before giving up and sitting in learning mode to fix the language barrier you’ve found yourself trapped in.

Due to being in learning mode, you hadn’t been paying enough attention to your surroundings, causing you not to notice the Rozzum unit analyzing you.

Fink: what is it Roz?

Roz: it seems to be a Rozzum unit, but I cannot tell the number nor model.

Yeah you scared them when you came out of your learning mode.

(Name): hello! I am the new and improved (Name) Unit: 0001. I am a one of a kind prototype! Here for any needs or demands!

Fink: I’m getting flashbacks.

Roz lead you to her, Bightbill and Finks home. She hadn’t ever seen your model before, so she excitedly asked you questions.

Roz: I’ve never seen your make or model. What are you designed for?

(Name): I am designed for many things. Cooking, shopping, manual labor, heavy lifting, childcare-

Roz: child care?

(Name): indeed, is this something that interests-

Roz: I have a kid.

(Name):…. Alright.

She proceeded to bombard you with questions on what your childcare program provided, which as per your programming, complied.

When you arrived to the home of the Rozzum, she led you inside and began showing you baby pictures of her “kid”

(Name): this is your child?

Roz: yes, he is called Brightbill.

(Name):…. He has your eyes.

You ended up staying with Roz, Fink, and eventually Brightbill when we returned for the spring.

It took a lot of getting used to the fact that you could no longer follow protocol here. But at least some of your programming helped you and the others a bit.

Such as you being more stronger than the Rozzum, as well as having better and hardier equipment than the other models. Fink definitely appreciated your heating mode (which is often used in your caregiver function to help a baby fall asleep) during the harsh winter…. And so did many of the other animals.

Pink tail likes you, since you watch her kids when she needs a break.

Pink tail: you found a good mate Roz. Possums aren’t so lucky when it comes to that.

Roz: what do you mean?

Pink tail: some of us don’t have life mates. (Name) seems to be a pretty good parent though.

Roz: Mate?

Que Roz studying “mate’ and “partner” which rabbit holed her down into “Spouse” and so on.

Fink ships it.

Brightbill ships it.

Pink tail…. You guessed it. Ships it.

Que all the animals trying to keep you two together.

Pink tail: Hey, Roz. (Name) is looking for you!

Fink: hey (Name) I think Roz wants to ask you more questions about your programs. I think she’s at the beach.

Brightbill: hey mom, (Name) wanted me to tell you he’s at the beach.

And so on.

Yeah you both confused by it all.

Eventually you two do end up spending some time together. Actually it was where Roz first met Pink Tail. You were busy analyzing some of the plants around you (as per your programming to search plants in case they have useful properties or are dangerous) while Roz sat there observing.

You two had a good time…. Ignoring the fact that a certain Fox and goose were stalking the two of you.

A couple weeks later, Brightbill let it slip and called you dad. You didn’t mind.

At this point you’ve become just as much as a wild robot as Roz has. And we’re very useful to your new family as you were able to repair minor things for yourself and Roz, which made it easier during winter.

You now also have your own picture with the rest of the family.

The other animals like you, you just kinda have a reputation of being more aloof and less soft compared to Roz.

Unless it’s the young… you are shockingly good with young. (As if you weren’t programmed to take care of them-)

The next winter, you had found an egg and brought it home.

Roz: here we go again.

Brightbill:…. Well I was upset at not having siblings-

[gummiworm-writes]

haerysays hospital records

pt. 2 of eleazar hospital records

dottore x male reader

genre: angst, fluff

warnings: sumeru archon quest spoilers, chronic illness (eleazar), violence, implied human experimentation, various other dottore things :P

a/n: i was excited to write this, i love love love dottore so much

word count: 1,596

"your talents are too valuable to be wasted in a place like this," a strange voice echoed throughout the now empty hospital. zandik didn't hear him approach, but he could tell that the man was right behind him

zandik's head snapped up as he grabbed the nearest scalpel, pointing it at the man's throat. anyone who would've seen him would've thought he was insane. his messy hair, the bags under his eyes, his bloodied clothing...

not to mention the look in his eyes when the man got too close to you.

it was deranged.

"who the fuck are you?!" zandik spat, pressing the scalpel into the man's neck. a small drop of blood trickled down his neck.

his blood was black.

"...what the fuck are you?" zandik asked, a little more quietly this time, studying the man's clothes, his face, his eyes...

he had khaenri'ahn eyes.

"i am the solution to all of your problems."

the trip to snezhnaya was long and boring, most of it spent on a boat. the man, pierro, zandik now knew, was the director of the fatui harbingers. and, apparently, after finding out about zandik's...exploits, he sought him out to recruit him.

but zandik could care less.

all he cared about was you. you were the only thing that mattered to him right now. getting you back was his top priority.

so, when pierro mentioned to him that the fatui had the most advanced research centers and labs in all of teyvat...

well, who was he to decline such an offer?

"so you want me to become an agent for the fatui?" zandik asked, intrigued. he sat at a table by your bedside. "i can become one of your debt collectors if that means that my ___ will be safe."

"agent?" pierro laughed, coming to sit in a nearby chair. "no, no...why would i, the director, come all the way to sumeru from snezhnaya just to recruit a simple agent? no...what you are going to be is something much, much more important."

zandik grabbed your hand out of reflex, giving it a gentle squeeze.

"we have quite the large lab...and it's been vacant for a long, long time. we were hoping that, perhaps...we could put a doctor in there," pierro said with a smile.

zandik couldn't help but laugh at the irony. he, who was performing illegal surgeries, who was expelled from the akademiya and their medical department, a doctor.

it was truly laughable.

"we've seen your work. it's admirable. we could provide you with all of the equipment and specimens that you could ever wish for, not to mention all of the necessary licenses and permits...we can help you save him. all you have to do is say yes."

zandik paused for a moment, pretending to think it through. he grabbed your hand once more, before looking up at pierro with a sharp-toothed grin. he knew the answer as soon as he asked.

"it seems we have a deal, lord pierro," zandik said, extending his hand.

pierro took it, shaking his hand.

"welcome to the fatui, il dottore. i look forward to working with you."

it's astounding how quickly four hundred years pass when you've achieved immortality, zandik found. however, it's also astounding how slowly it passes when the one person you love is gone, stuck in time, comatose in a cryo chamber.

he would keep you here until he had found a definitive cure for your eleazar. he wasn't going to let you go. not ever.

his lab, haerysays, was full of teyvat's best and brightest. and yet, a cure for eleazar was never found, despite their efforts.

zandik didn't understand. he had mastered so much. he'd cheated death, developed the first successful human clones, created a god, but you? your disease? it remained an enigma.

so, he kept you in that cryo chamber, in a secluded room in haerysays. a place where nobody could hurt you while he worked on more...realistic goals. he sent his man-made god to sumeru.

it was destroyed.

in the midst of his frustration at the failure of his project, he almost failed to notice his eleazar patients. more specifically, their full recovery.

"lord dottore, lord dottore!!!" one of his assistants shouted as they ran into his office.

zandik glared at them, making them freeze in their tracks. they dropped to the ground to kneel, and zandik groaned.

"what is it?"

"th-the eleazar patients-- they've recovered!"

the pen that zandik was holding snapped in half, ink covering his table. without a word, he stood up and left his office, leaving the assistant all alone.

your scales were gone. all of your dark eleazar scales were gone.

zandik removed you from the cryo chamber and began checking on you. vitals, physical exam, blood tests...

...your eleazar was gone.

really, truly gone.

you were saved.

he woke you up as soon as he was sure you were safe. he sat by your side, holding your hand, watching carefully.

your eyes fluttered open, and you blinked a few times, eyes adjusting to the dim lighting of the room.

"hello, darling," dottore said softly, his hands shaking as he brushed some of your hair out of your face.

"wh...who...are you..?" you asked weakly, a fearful expression on your face. he froze, before realizing that he was still wearing his mask. he took it off, and saw recognition fash in your eyes. "...zandik?"

"yes, yes, ___, it's me, it's zandik...you've been asleep for a long, long time, but it's okay now...it's okay, your eleazar is healed. you're okay..."

the two of you spent hours talking, with zandik catching you up on all you've missed...and how long you were out.

"...four...four hundred years?! zandik, that-- that's impossible!"

"no, no, love, it's not!" zandik's smile was crazed. "we have a cryo chamber here, powered by the excess energy from the tsaritsa herself!! isn't that just fascinating? come on, you're a fellow scholar, you should be amazed, not fearful! we've conquered death!"

"zandik, that's a cardinal sin of the akademiya--"

"the akademiya abandoned me, ___. they abandoned you. when you were sick and dying, they tossed you aside. why should we adhere to their rules if they decided we were subhuman garbage? we're better than them, ___. what they consider 'sins' should mean nothing to us."

"...they...they did throw us out, didn't they," you said quietly.

"when you came down with eleazar, they made you stop attending classes. they didn't call it expulsion, but that's what it was and you know it. but here...these people won't throw us out. they'll give us the respect we deserve."

you paused, thinking about it. zandik saw the apprehension in your eyes, and knew what he could say to push you over the edge.

"they'll treat us like gods."

your eyes lit up with excitement. the two of you had always been treated like outsiders. zandik for his... unusual experiments, and you for your eleazar. so being worshipped...it was a dream come true.

"this is my lab, haerysays. it's the largest, most advanced research center in all of teyvat. but we won't be spending much time here... we'll be headed to my estate, where you and i will be staying."

your eyes lit up.

"you mean you have a mansion?" you asked, amazed.

"of course, love," zandik chuckled. "i'm a harbinger."

zandik led you to a carriage, which carried the two of you across snezhnaya to his estate. the entire time, the two of you spoke. you would ask questions, and he would answer them. when you ran out of questions, you'd tell him stories from when you were a child (whether he'd already known them or not).

his home was a gothic, castle-like mansion. it was large, made of dark bricks that contrasted against the snowy landscape. the lights coming from inside were warm and yellow, though you could make out a few rooms with blue or even red light. one of the walls was covered in beautiful ivy, and he somehow managed to make the flowers in the garden grow even in the harshness of winter. you even saw a few bird-like gargoyles on the walls.

zandik noticed you admiring the flowers, and he chuckled.

"do you like the gardens? they're some of phi's best work," he said proudly.

"phi?"

"one of my segments," he said softly, grabbing your hand and holding it tightly. "i'm sure you'll get acquainted with him and the others soon enough."

"how many segments do you have?"

"twenty four, but only twelve of them have full personalities. the others are just husks. i'll develop them further later."

"twenty four," you said softly, a light blush blooming on your cheeks. you paused for a moment, deep in thought. "hm...seems that i'll have to make enough room in my heart for twenty five zandiks then, hm?"

you placed a gentle kiss on his cheek, and saw his face turn bright red.

"oh, no, no, no...that won't do," he chuckled, pulling you into his lap. "there's only one zandik...don't forget that, okay?"

he kissed you softly, running his fingers through your hair. once he pulled away, he sighed quietly, burying his face in the crook of your neck.

"...i missed you," he mumbles. "and...i...i'm glad you're here."

you smile. and, though he can't see it, the feeling of it makes his heart flutter. you always knew what he meant, even if he didn't actually say it.

"i love you, too, zandik."

a/n: i don't know if this was good but i had fun so that's all that matters!!!!!

[gatitties]

Hello! I seen your requests are open! Could I request

Levi Ackerman x calm and kind reader where everyone’s on a mission and all of the sudden we got ambushed by titans. Reader is killing titans with Levi and her sister when she sees a hand reach down for her sister. She tries to get to her but instead she watches her sister get bit in half. Reader goes crazy and gets extremely violent with the titans because her sister was her sanity. After the battle everyone whose left alive are regrouping while reader walk up to a tree and takes her anger out on it(slicing punching etc). Levi sees her and stops her from hurting herself. Later back at camp shes training with an anger that she didn’t before so some jerk makes a joke that it took for her sister to die to become a real soldier. Levi comes around the corner to reader beating the shit out of the jerk. He gives her a warning and she listens but she’s still very violent towards targets during training and missions and cold to people. Happy ending please.

If you don’t, I totally understand! I just really like your writing style lol. ꨄ

─Levi x fem!reader

─Summary: Your entire kind personality breaks when a loved one dies, making you a completely different person, although there are people who remain by your side despite the change.

─Warnings: none

oh oh finally something to write about aot, ty! <3

You had always been a kind and warm person despite being part of the survey corps, despite having experienced a lot of atrocities, having seen so many deaths before your eyes. Your smile did not falter in the lowest moments, helping and taking into account all those who were badly injured after a cold battle, you felt that it was your duty to make everyone feel as good as possible to eradicate the problem, after all if hope is lost everything would be lost.

You had seen how many people fell apart when they saw their loved ones go to another life in a painful way, even though you felt sorry for them and helped them improve emotionally, you never knew what it felt like to lose someone for whom you would give your life without a second thought, ever, until your sister died inches from you by a titan.

You felt your vision darken, your breathing quickened and you crashed into some trees as you had lost control of your equipment, luckily you ended up high enough so they couldn't catch you, however you didn't shed more than a couple of tears, you swallowed your sadness, still stunned and unaware of what had happened.

You two were cleaning the area of titans and out of nowhere, from one moment to the next… she's gone? It had to have been a hallucination, your sister was alive and what you had seen was a hallucination due to fatigue, right?

"I-It's not true…"

All bravery was gone, you fell to your knees on the thick tree branch, screaming in indescribable pain, nothing in your body hurt, but something was burning inside you, you felt nauseous for a moment, but after a minute staring into space, listening to how a pair of titans were trying to climb the tree you were in, something lit up inside you, a furious flame.

You went crazy when you saw those titans, letting everything you were keeping inside you explode in the form of the desire to kill, you don't even remember what you did until Levi kicked you to stop because you were going to kill yourself if you continued like this.

You argued with him for stopping and you got a big punishment for disobeying orders from a superior, but you didn't complain, after all it would make you think about something other than the death of your sister, which you ended up accepting as the years went by.

Levi cannot remove that image of you, he knew that you were strong, with your limitations, but reliable enough to go in a small special group, he knew you well, he admired how you were capable of providing tranquility and hope to the most desolate people, he admired the warmth you transmitted, never in all his years working with you had he seen you lose your temper like that, even though he was scared to see you full of blood, red eyes and a furious look, he understood your pain, he had been there before.

He thought the drastic change to a tougher, less empathetic, and loner personality would go away as quickly as you got over your grieving phase, however it didn't seem to go away over time. No more kind words, no more selflessly helping people, no more considering leaving any titans alive for Hange. Levi wasn't bothered by your new way of being, in fact, you had more similarities now, but knowing you for years, it was like seeing a stranger and not the person he used to know.

He would love to be able to help you, give you words of support and return that warm and bright personality that he liked, but he was not the one, he was never good at expressing his feelings, taking cautious steps around the people he loved, he always created a wall of separation just in case, he couldn't stand any more deaths of people he really likes because it will affect him too much if he gets close enough to open up.

Despite the time that had passed, the anger and pain remained within you as you remembered the grotesque scene of your sister being devoured, it made you feel dizzy and restless, you found that training harder to get rid of your discomfort was a small solution to your conflicting thoughts. No one used to bother you at these times since you used to choose the hours when fewer people could find you, however some idiots had to watch you release all your anger by cutting trees in one fell swoop and hitting them until you bled.

"Oh look, I didn't think people here took hand-to-hand training so seriously."

"Look at those muscles, what strength!"

"Yeah, the death of her sister made her like that, before she was a weak ass, even I could beat her in a fight! There are people who need some canonical event to evolve, not me of course…"

Your actions stopped when you heard something you didn't expect from a mate, something that burned you to the depths of your being, you looked at the three guys who stood looking at you with stupid smiles, waving as if you hadn't heard anything.

You dragged your dominant foot along the ground, taking a breath, your best fighting pose to jump and bite their necks off if someone didn't get ahead of you.

"People like you should be food for titans, who gives you the right to talk like that about someone higher in rank than you!? You should show some respect towards people! Go before the punishment I give you is worse than I have in mind."

You rolled your eyes, watching harshly as Levi kicked their asses, watching as the three boys trembled like a leaf, you didn't bother to thank him, nor make a gesture of thanks, returning to your training.

"And you, what do you think you're doing? I thought I had banned you from training until further notice."

You sighed, frowning at Levi, he approached you with a determined look, you intended to start a fight with him to determine your dominance, however, he still managed to stop you, winning in hand-to-hand combat. You shifted like a worm as he sat calmly on your back, his hands gripping yours firmly, frowning at the new wounds on your knuckles.

"I learned my lesson Levi, now get off me."

"You haven't learned shit, your actions give you away, you don't have to act like that with me, I know what you're trying to do."

You mumbled some curses, feeling your eyes watering, although you were now a harder and colder person, it was only to cover your true sensitive personality, that Levi knew how to see through you bothered you.

"Just leave me alone, I promise not to continue training, but let me go."

He sighed, slowly getting up but catching you before you ran away from him, grabbing your damaged hands carefully, avoiding your gaze, pulling you gently.

"I will let you go, but first we will heal these wounds, the next time you want to de-stress... know that my door is always open for you."

[earthstellar]

talking about hearing disabled!Megatron again

listen I’ve had to wear my hearing aids for 12 hours straight today and my ears physically hurt because the plastic bendy part of the tubes is scratching up my ears pretty badly, so here we go: 

(this is mostly about IDW 1 Megatron, but feel free to apply it to any Megatron because all Megatrons are excellent) 

-the helmet dampens his hearing fairly significantly, as it doesn’t have any micro-openings over his audials for sound to permeate. this is intentional as part of the design, and is a safety feature for both him and any other similar mining/heavy manual labour bots who might have similar helm designs.

-that having been said, he does still have actual hearing loss from his younger days in the mine (loud machinery in sound reflective mines/caves + lack of maintenance owing to being lower class/caste and not having the resources = not great for hearing health), so while the helm design prevented it from being more severe (at first), it still didn’t provide enough protection to actually prevent a still-significant amount of hearing damage to occur 

-on top of this, during the war he was constantly getting direct impacts to his helm, standing near heavy explosions, and otherwise very often in situations where his hearing damage had plenty of opportunity to gradually worsen for one reason or another (endless environmental noise + blunt force impacts to the audials even through his helmet is no bueno) 

-at some point during the war he developed a low grade tinnitus in both audials, which he believes may have been caused by Starscream shooting him directly in the face with either his null ray or something else, which is a thing that happened too many times and with too many different weapons for him to be able to guess which specific occasion may have ultimately caused the tinnitus. it could also have just occurred naturally, he has no idea. but he thinks it’s probably Starscream’s fault, somehow, maybe. it’s not impossible, that’s for sure. 

-the tinnitus isn’t bad enough to bother him too much most of the time, but it does irritate him when he’s in quieter moments in his hab suite and trying to settle down to write or consider strategy etc. since that’s when it’s most noticeable to him and it’s distracting whenever he actually focuses on it. it does disrupt his recharge patterns on occasion, which agitates him. 

-he never really considered his gradual loss of hearing in his youth to be that negative or scary, because of course, in the mines it’s already hard to hear anyone or anything, and open internal comms were often impractical due to their mining equipment typically interfering with their comms signals. so the mining bots generally adapted fairly well to both the noise pollution in their work areas as well as their collective general hearing problems, because they already created work arounds between themselves. 

-Terminus was also hearing disabled; Megatron refuses to ever have his hearing fully repaired even if he could, for three primary reasons: 1) it reminds him of where he came from and the struggle which originally inspired him to start writing, 2) it reminds him of Terminus, and 3) he’s personally so used to it that he considers his hearing disability to be a part of himself and his life experiences to such a degree that to attempt repairs would be to remove an important aspect of who he is-- he associates it closely with his sense of identity. 

-they did use sign language in the mines whenever possible, but it was a form of Cybertronian Sign Language unique to low class/manual labour bots. most signs could be made with one servo, to allow them to continue operating certain machinery with their other servo while still talking to each other during work hours-- whenever they could sign to each other without their pit bosses noticing, anyway. 

(BSL, British Sign Language, is usually two-handed. I’m aware that ASL, American Sign Language, has a lot of one-handed signs. Just mentioning this for a real world comparison for how this kind of stuff varies massively on a regional level, for those who aren’t aware!) 

-their sign language was more of a sign supported form of Cybertronian, similar to SSE (Sign Supported English) in real life, as most of them started out with reasonably functional hearing but lost hearing ability gradually. so the grammar structure etc. is more similar to spoken Cybertronian than to most other forms of signed Cybertronian.

-he uses multiple methods to interpret spoken speech and other sounds which he either struggles to hear or can’t really hear at all. only the most observant bots will notice him doing any of this. Soundwave and Ravage are the only two non-medical bots who have ever realised that he does use lip reading in a limited capacity to help “fill in” words that he can’t make out. 

-he suspects that some of the Autobot spec ops bots may have figured out some of this during the war too, but he’s not 100% sure. Jazz probably noticed on at least a few occasions, but may not have realised the extent to which Megatron relies on these “work-arounds”, or necessarily why he was using them. 

-he is aware of the fact that one of the only reasons he could actually tolerate Starscream’s constant yelling at him is because it doesn’t sound as shrill to him as it does to everyone else. Starscream’s voice would just sort of clip in and out, as far as Megatron’s concerned.

-ultimately his hearing by Cybertronian measure is far below what is considered a more “standard” operational hearing range, even without his helmet, but he’s been so used to this for the vast majority of his life that he’s totally fine with it and doesn’t want to attempt any repairs. like I said above, he considers it part of his identity, and he wants to protect/preserve that. 

-at some point on the Lost Light, Ratchet/First Aid/Velocity probably figure out the extent of Megatron’s hearing disability, and initially offer repairs or audial devices to assist in hearing, but Megatron declines and they don’t push him on it out of respect for his wishes 

-as he gets more comfortable on the Lost Light over time, he relaxes a bit and doesn’t bother stressing himself out 100% of the time trying to strain to figure out audial input as much (unless it’s critical to do so, such as when he’s on the bridge in command capacity etc.) 

-this leads to more bots figuring out that his hearing isn’t all that great, but most of them assume it’s because Megs is getting older and they likely don’t realise his hearing has been fucked for essentially forever 

-this in turn leads to a lot of old mech jokes but Megs doesn’t care and Ratchet very much does because uh oh he actually is maybe a little bit losing some audial sensitivity himself due to age and his general condition declining a bit and yes Drift he will see First Aid about it in the morning, no shouting in my audials does not help it just makes you harder to understand, please don’t do this around Rodimus or he’ll start doing it and will never stop etc. 

IDK I just really love the idea of hearing disabled!Megatron because it makes so much sense 

even if you think about it in terms of like, G1 Megatron, I can easily see one of the reasons for him yelling in that super gravelly tone literally all the time is because he can’t 100% gauge the volume/pitch of his own voice and he’s just like, fuck it 

TFP Megatron absolutely took some brutal blows to the head in the gladiatorial ring at the very least and we know he also started out doing manual labour in the mines, so there’s a very similar background to IDW 1 Megatron and a lot of this could apply to this version too 

even with Cyberverse Megatron, the reason his voice is slightly lower in pitch may very well be because he can’t hear higher frequencies so he adjusts his own voice box settings accordingly 

I’m just thinking out loud with all this (and of course I am biased in favour of any hearing disabled characters because I myself have some hearing issues lmao) but I think hearing disabled Megatron in particular just works extremely well 

it’s a concept that could work for Ratchet too though, especially in TFP/IDW 1 where he could gradually be dealing with age related audial damage etc. 

but there’s no way Megs is hearing shit through that helmet either way lmao