#and that’s why because i’m such a sucker for dialogue and absorb it like a sponge LOL the variety in sentence structure and syntax and | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

darkblueboxs · 5 years ago

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howdy i love your aftg writing!! here’s a concept: i feel like once neil’s past is out, he has no reason to hesitate absolutely sucker punching someone. like we know he made neil a pushover because it raises less questions, but now that everyone knows who he is im SURE he’s just bitch slapped someone mid-game. no holding back, like if u say something fucked up he’s just gonna try to kill you!! do you know who this man is?? there’s no doubt in my mind that he knows some quick and lethal punches!

Oh yes, anon. Bruiser!Neil I can DEFO get behind.

Here’s 3k of Neil punching stuff, and Andrew being wildly turned on by it. Read here or on AO3 (Check AO3 notes for content warnings, etc.)

*Edit* : In the original version of this fic, Nicky faces racist abuse in addition to homophobic abuse, and quotes the offensive language and slurs used against him. After concerns were raised regarding how I handled this abuse (specifically, the language used, the context in which the abuse takes place, and my position as a non-latine) I censored and subsequently removed the relevant dialogue. I sincerely apologise and promise to do better in the future. Please don't hesitate to contact me with any questions and concerns regarding this subject.

[01/06/2020]

All the Guys Love a Bruiser

Neil’s mother taught him how to throw a punch, of course she did. Their lessons took place anywhere spacious enough to swing a fist, in empty parking lots behind greasy gas stations or in dingy motel rooms if she thought the walls were thick enough to cover up the noises they made.

Mary had always been more flight than fight, an instinct she had forced into Neil over years of running. Even she had to admit, however, that sooner or later they would hit a dead end, and while that would spell certain death for both of them, it would be better to go down fighting than it would on their knees.

If their lessons ended with Neil aching black and blue, it was his own fault. He needed to be quicker, smarter, crueller. More like his mother.

Matt’s teaching style is different from Mary’s, as is his fighting style. It bears the hallmarks of professional athleticism, all stances and positioning and strategy. While his mother’s idea of a lesson in self-defence was to hit Neil until he figured out how to dodge her blows or hit back, Matt talks him through how to angle his body, how to make a fist in a way that won’t break his fingers. At the end of their first boxing lesson, the only bruises on Neil’s body are the light purple spreading across his knuckles.

That evening, he and Andrew take over the beanbags, TV muted in the background while they dig into ice-cream. The tub is pleasantly cool in Neil’s hands, and he rubs his knuckles against the sides like an improvised icepack. When the residual cold has melted away, Neil flexes his fingers, enjoying the faint tingle dancing across them. These marks are different from those his mother gave him; they weren’t inflicted on him unwillingly but earned with sweat and exertion. When Matt had let go of the punching bag and told him they were done for the day, Neil had been surprised by his own disappointment. He had never been sorry see the end of his mother’s lessons.

Andrew takes his hand suddenly, startling Neil from his thoughts. It’s a purely analytical touch; he turns Neil’s hand over and runs a finger across the blossoming bruises of his knuckles.

Neil bites back the I’m fine, knowing the look it would earn him. Instead he says, “I had fun. We’re meeting again next week.”

Andrew nods. It’s a few moments more before he relinquishes Neil’s hand, however. The heat of Andrew’s skin mingles with the singing twinge of Neil’s bruises like an after-print.

Next week, Andrew slouches into the gym after Neil. He ignores Matt’s invitation to join them, flopping onto a rowing machine and leaning back against the machinery so he can kick his feet up on the seat rail. They’re lucky that they chose unsociable hours for their workout, or a line of athletes would be forming to glare at him.

Andrew watches them train from across the room with apparent disinterest. He can feign boredom all he likes; Neil knows he wouldn’t have bothered following him to the gym without reason.

Matt, if anything, seems amused by Andrew’s presence. “Dan comes to watch me practice sometimes, too.” He pauses to correct the angles of Neil’s feet before nudging his arms into blocking positions. “She did it even before we started dating. She used to sit on an exercise bike and pretend she was cycling so I wouldn’t know she was there to watch me. It was never very convincing.”

“Why did she want to watch you?” Neil shifts his weight, trying to copy Matt’s position.

Matt’s face crinkles up with laughter. “That’s the most Neil thing you’ve ever said.”

“Everything I say is a Neil thing.”

“She liked it when I took my shirt off. C’mon, man, join the dots.”

“You don’t take your shirt off to box.”

“Yeah,” says Matt. “Don’t tell her that.”

Neil rolls his eyes. “Can I hit you now?”

Matt barks out a laugh, and training resumes.

“Enjoying the show?” Neil asks Andrew an hour later, dropping down on the gym mat next to him. Andrew hands Neil his water bottle with an unimpressed look.

“You’re awful.” Andrew flicks a look over to Matt, who is using their break to chat with the only other gym regular insane enough to be working out at the crack of dawn on a Sunday. “He could knock you on your ass with one right hook.”

“I know I’m awful. That’s what training is for.” Neil pauses to gulp down most of the bottle. A droplet escapes his lips and tracks down his jugular before falling into the dip of his clavicle. Andrew’s eyes track its path. “Matt isn’t going to hurt me. Is that what you’re worried about?”

“I’m not here to babysit you.”

“Huh.” Neil drains the last of the water before shaking the residual droplets over his head. The beads glint in the corners of his vision as they catch in his bangs and fleck his cheeks, mercifully cooling against his skin. Andrew is still watching him intently. His eyes flick to Matt once more, checking that he is still absorbed in his conversation.

“Yes or no?”

“Yes,” Neil replies, and he watches as Andrew takes Neil’s hand in his. The skin is flushed from strike after strike, not yet coloured in bruising patches but soon to be. Neil’s hands feel softer for it, sensitive to Andrew’s touch.

“I know my limits.” Neil isn’t sure why the gym suddenly feels three degrees warmer. “Really, it doesn’t hurt.”

“I know. I trust you.” Andrew sends one more look over Neil’s shoulder like he’s checking the coast is clear before pressing Neil’s knuckles to his lips.

The breath Neil was in the process of catching slips from his grasp entirely. “Oh.”

“Stop looking at me like that.”

“You like watching me fight.”

“It’s more interesting than watching you run.”

Neil leans in until he can see each individual freckle on Andrew’s cheeks. “Interesting?”

Andrew’s cool look is betrayed by the twitch of his jaw. “Something like that.”

If Matt notices Neil’s new vigour when they return to practice, he doesn’t comment on it. When he catches Neil’s eye, however, he grins knowingly. Perhaps Matt’s conversation had not been as absorbing as he made it out to be. Soon, however, the rhythm of the exercise draws Neil’s attention back to the task at hand.

Neil first learned to throw a punch because his mother believed that one day his life could depend on it. That isn’t the reason that he has resumed his training with Matt; it turns out that a good instructor and fewer death threats make the activity far more pleasant than Neil remembers. It may be a useful skill, but he values the challenge more than he does the practicality. The physicality, too – in fact, he likes boxing for the same reasons that he loves Exy. Quick, brutal, thrilling. He finally understands, too, why Andrew likes to spar with Renee whenever his emotions get on top of him. There’s a certain a sense of control that comes from putting his fist through a break-board. Not that he needs the empowerment as much as he once might have – most of Neil’s tormentors were killed long ago, his fears with them. Given his new life of safety and security, it’s likely that he’ll never really need to know how to throw a good punch.

It takes all of one week for Neil to be proven wildly, wildly wrong.

Opposition strikers – with one glaring, now very dead exception – are not typically Neil’s problem. Generally, if they end up playing on the same side of the court as him, something has gone wrong in the team’s strategies.

He can tell even from a distance, however, that one of the Terrapin strikers is causing difficulties. Not in terms of ability – of which Terrapin’s #13 has little – but in attitude. Thirteen is a vocal player, and Neil can hear snatches of his voice echoing across the court. No fists have been swung, which is an impressive feat for the Fox defenders, but perhaps only because the luck of substitutions has put Thirteen against Nicky more than anyone else, and Nicky is more likely to react to insults with mirth than anger.

Shortly before the end of the first half, Nicky is subbed off at the same time as Thirteen. Nicky passes Neil on the way to the court doors, clacking their racquets together with half a smile. “Give them hell, Neil.”

Thirteen passes them at the same moment, slamming Nicky’s shoulder as he passes. Nicky mutters a word under his breath that would have earned him a month of washing-up duty at Abby’s house before heading for the Foxes’ bench. Neil watches him go, eyebrows creasing together. Nicky isn’t easily upset by the cruelty of strangers; it’s the cruelty that comes from within his own family that is most likely to shake him from his good humour. The barbed insults of nameless players on the court, on the other hand, are usually brushed off with a rude gesture and no more.

Swept up in the rush of the match, Neil forgets about Nicky’s discomfort until half-time. The team pours from the court in high spirits; they have a decent lead over the Terrapins which should carry them through the second half when exhaustion starts to kick in. Nicky, despite having blocked more shots on goal than anyone, reacts to the arrival of the rest of the team with only a pallid grin. His grip on his water bottle is tight, and the cheap plastic crackles and caves in his hands.

Nicky is an easy read, and it doesn’t take long for the other Foxes to notice. After he brushes Renee’s concerned enquiry off, however, the team leaves him be.

When Neil returns to the court for the start of the third quarter, he breathes a sigh of relief to see that Thirteen is nowhere near Nicky. He’s standing closer to goal than Neil is happy with, but Andrew is more or less impervious to verbal abuse and Thirteen has yet to show signs of physical violence. As much as he wants to keep a closer eye on the situation, Kevin’s barked commands draw his attention to the match at hand. The best thing Neil can do for the Foxes’ defence is to spend as much time lobbing the ball at the Terrapin’s goal as possible.

Neil and Nicky are substituted at the same time; they collapse onto the bench and drown their exhaustion in Gatorade. Thirteen crushed Nicky against the wall moments before the substitution, and Nicky is uncharacteristically quiet as Abby examines the cut over his eye.

“You’re not whining about cramping your style,” she says as she presses a plaster in place. “Should I be worried?”

“Nah, this is great for my style. All the guys love a bruiser.” Nicky winks despite the blood crusting in his eyelashes. “Neil knows what I’m talking about, don’tcha, Neil?”

Abby makes a noise that isn’t convinced, but doesn’t press the issue. Neil waits until she’s out of earshot before saying casually, “I still have a few contacts in the mafia.”

“Your sense of humour is dire,” says Nicky, but he’s grinning, so Neil counts it as a win. “Don’t worry about it. I think Andrew’s drawing his fire now. Andrew handles that kind of thing a lot better than me.”

“What kind of thing?”

Nicky winced. “Don’t ask.”

“Tell me.”

“Let's just say he isn't exactly lining up to lead a Pride march.” Nicky snorts humorlessly.

The joke doesn’t land, and not because of Neil’s non-existent sense of humour. He may not be as obvious as Nicky in his preferences nor as dark-skinned, but he has still been on the receiving end of enough of that brand of bullshit to know how it scratches at one’s insides.

“I wasn’t joking about those contacts.”

Nicky sighs. “I was worried you would say that.”

Neil’s attention keeps slipping from the game and over to Andrew, who is standing in goal and ignoring the tirade of insults being thrown his way like a statue facing down a breeze. His non-reaction only seems to stoke Thirteen’s fury, spittle catching in the mesh of his helmet as he watches Andrew knock yet another attempt away from the Foxes’ end.

Andrew spares Thirteen no more than a second of blank indifference in the face of his tirade. Then he drops his stance, shoulders setting into a silent challenge that sends a hot bolt of excitement straight Neil’s to gut. Andrew is locking down the goal.

The Terrapins don’t score again for the rest of the match.

Neil is through the doors before the final buzzer has died, charging into the crush of Foxes at centre-court to join in their celebrations. Andrew, as usual, hovers at the edge of the throng, but he accepts the clack of Neil’s racquet against his. A light sheen of sweat dances across Andrew’s forehead and his lips are parted as he regains his breath after the exertion of locking the Terrapins out.

“Did Thirteen give you trouble?”

Andrew snorts derisively despite his breathlessness. “He tried.”

Neil gets to see Thirteen up close during the handshakes. He barely grazes the tips of each Foxes’ fingers as he passes one by one, but he stops when he gets to Neil. “I remember you. You were all over the news, weren’t you? The runaway Wesninski.” His expression speaks to his delight at the revelation. To no-one’s surprise, Thirteen is a sore loser.

Andrew barely moves, just a slight adjustment to his footing so that he presses a little closer into Neil’s shoulder.

Neil smiles. It is the kind of smile he has not had use for in some time. “Looking for an autograph?”

Thirteen snorts. “Bet you think you’re real bad. Bet you think those scars make you look tough. Too bad you’re still a puny little bitch.”

Neil flexes his hand before clenching it into a fist. “I do think I’m real bad, actually. Want to find out why?”

The striker waits for the hit to come. Neil doesn’t give him the satisfaction; the guy is a piece of shit, but he isn’t worth the trouble he’s clearly looking for. Neil drops his hands, meets his gaze, and waits for him to give up on getting his reaction and leave.

Most of the other players are moving off to their own respective sides, and their stand-off is beginning to attract attention. Kevin squints over at them, and at his side, Aaron pulls off his helmet.

“Oh shit. Twins.” Thirteen’s gaze swings from Aaron to Andrew, flashing with sudden recognition. “I remember you too.” His expression turns sharkish. “Now that was a story. So, which one is the murderer, and which is the brother-fucker?”

Andrew barely twitches. Neil’s reaction is less restrained.

It’s almost a play-by-play of decking Riko at the Winter Banquet. The key difference between that punch and this one is hours of training with a borderline-professional boxer.

Neil squares his stance, draws back his fist, and puts his whole body behind the punch. He’s rewarded with the sickening crack of a nose breaking and a hot spurt of blood splattering his knuckles.

Thirteen staggers back, shock registering for a second before he spits blood at the floor. He’s swaying on his feet, but there’s still fight in his eyes.

Andrew’s hands go to his sheaths, but Neil waves him back. He wipes the hand bloodied by Thirteen’s face across his jaw unthinkingly, feels the wet, red heat clinging to his skin. “Hey. This one’s mine.” The smile he tacks onto the words is toothier than he means it to be. With blood still smeared across his chin, he can only imagine how he looks.

Andrew’s hand judders to a halt at the hems of his armbands. His jaw is clenched tight but roaring over the current of concern is something far darker. It creeps into his eyes, a weight to his gaze normally only visible in the privacy of their bedroom. Andrew’s gaze runs the length of Neil’s body before coming to rest on Neil’s mouth. His bottom lip catches momentarily in his teeth as he nods.

Thirteen’s first swing hits, and a burst of blood dances across Neil’s tongue as his lip is split open. Thirteen’s luck ends there; Neil blocks his second punch with a move Matt taught him the day before. He drives his free hand into Thirteen’s solar plexus, knocking the air from him.

Neil doesn’t get much time to appreciate how the striker falls on his ass as they’re rushed by teammates and officials who break them apart.

Neil stands placidly before Wymack and bears his row with the bare minimum of decorum. The lecture is undercut by Nicky, who’s expression alternates between elation, amusement and mock disapproval from moment to moment. Matt, at least, waits until Wymack is finished before applauding.

“I’ll give you some notes later, but all things considered it was a solid right hook.”

Neil brushes the team’s reactions off as best he can; he certainly didn’t do it for their recognition.

He takes his time showering, watching with a strange, sick pleasure as he rinses the striker’s blood away. It turns pink in the shower basin before swirling at last down the drain. Beneath the blood, Neil’s knuckles have begun to bruise, satisfaction burning them blue.

It’s at these times that Neil worries that he may have inherited too much from his father; the temper, the violence, the bloodlust. Then again, they all served as tools to his survival at one point or another. The key difference between Neil and his father is who they choose to turn their anger on. Neil’s father always set his sights on the underdog. Neil prefers to punch up.

No; if there’s one thing Nathan gave him, it was a distaste for bullies.

There’s a familiar tap at the door to Neil’s stall. The rest of the Foxes cleared out some time ago, still rowdy from the post-match high. Tonight was a home game; most of the team will be halfway back to Fox tower already, thinking only of booze and the weekend stretching ahead of them. There’s only one player who would have any reason to linger.

Andrew steps under the spray, his hair is plastered to his head by the steamy drizzle. He holds his hand out, and Neil offers his without question for Andrew’s inspection.

Andrew’s voice is dispassionate as he inspects the damage. “I don’t need a knight in shining armour. Nor for you to fight my battles for me.”

“The fight was for my own satisfaction. But I’ll stop if you want me to.”

Once again, Andrew presses his lips to Neil’s raw knuckles. The contact stings, sweet and savoury, pleasure and pain. “Would it kill you to make life easy for once?” The words tingle against the tender skin.

“I thought you liked to watch me fight.”

“Just because I find your stupidity entertaining doesn’t mean I encourage it.”

“It’s my stupidity you like, is it?”

“What else do you have?” Andrew’s eyes track the rivulets of water snaking down Neil’s neck.

“I’m sure I can think of a few things.” Neil says. Then, for clarity, “Yes or no?”

“Yes.” Andrew doesn’t let go of Neil’s hand, thumb running across the reddening knuckles once more before leading it to his chest. Neil leaves it resting there, marvelling at the colours bleeding between them under the shower’s onslaught, pink and brown and red and blue. Andrew soon tires of Neil’s staring, and is the first to bridge the gap between them.

Neil once compared Andrew’s kisses to a fight with their lives on the line. Countless kisses later, this fact has not changed in the slightest. Andrew leaves a bruising trail of kisses across Neil’s neck until he can’t remember which marks are from Exy and which are from Andrew. They all sting the same, sweet way.

Each kiss pressed to his mouth carries a metallic tang from Neil’s burst lip. He can tell from the fierce pressure of Andrew’s mouth against his that Andrew can taste it too, is feeding off the adrenaline rush just as Neil is. He catches Neil’s bottom lip between his teeth and with it sucks a groan from deep in Neil’s chest.

Andrew draws back to level him with an unimpressed look. “You’re far too into this.”

“You’re one to talk.” Neil raises his hand to Andrew’s eyeline, wiggling his fingers. Andrew’s eyes catch on the blooming violet patches. “You like this. Admit it.”

Andrew steps forward until his cheek brushes Neil’s fingers. Neil turns his hand automatically, cupping Andrew’s face.

“Yes,” says Andrew. His eyes stay on Neil’s, even as Neil’s hand drops lower.

It’s a small miracle, Neil thinks, that Andrew can trust Neil’s hands on him, after all he knows they are capable of. Maybe that’s part of the appeal, the evidence painted into Neil’s knuckles that Neil’s gentler touches are reserved for Andrew and Andrew alone. It’s strange that Andrew should love Neil’s fighting spirit as much as he does. After all, it was Andrew who taught Neil how to stand and fight in the first place.

It’s a fact that neither will ever let the other forget.

Neil leaves the shower sporting several more bruises than he entered with. Some are from Exy, some are from fighting, and some are from Andrew’s mouth.

He loves them all just the same.

* Thanks for reading, let me know what you think! Still open to prompts etc.

#tfc #aftg #andreil #the foxhole court #all for the game #my fic #asks #anon #WHY IS TUMBLR FUCKING WITH THE POST FORMAT ASKDHSKDFGGGG

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senadimell · 5 years ago

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Dalek and the Doctor

@torchwoodwho I made an observation a while back on a blog post about “Into the Dalek” about the Doctor and comparing him to Daleks. I noted that into the Dalek falls flat for me, and felt like a rehash of things we’ve already seen.

I’m going to look at “Dalek,” “Daleks in Manhattan/Evolution of the Daleks,” and “Into the Dalek” today. When are Daleks compelling, and when does comparing the Doctor to a Dalek hold weight?

ETA: this has turned out to be very long, so I’m going to split it up into at least two posts. This one is about “Dalek.”

I’ve only gotten close to being disturbed three times while watching Doctor Who, and two of those were cybermen episodes (playing on a real fear of people doing something to you while you are powerless over your own body). Yet Dalek is also my favorite episode of New Who. Why?

The Randomwhoness blog said it better than I can:

“To directly compare the Doctor to a monster is rarer, but that’s what Dalek does, through role reversal. The Doctor for instance, played with saliva propelling emotion by Eccleston, behaves in a very un-Doctorly way. Upon first discovering the Dalek, the Doctor does not do any of his normal tricks. He doesn’t negotiate or befriend or cajole. He just tries to exterminate it. The first instinct of a Dalek.

The Dalek meanwhile demonstrates its Doctory ingenuity at every turn. It absorbs energy from Rose and escapes by tricking its enemies into a false sense of security before suckering their faces. Its next step is to absorb information. ‘The Dalek’s a genius,’ the Doctor warns. So just like him then, but murderous. Oh, he’s that too now.

For the rest of the episode, the Doctor is largely impotent. He can merely react to what Dalek does. It’s his own tactic turned against him....

...This culminates in a famous scene where the Dalek chooses to destroys a room full of soldiers by setting the sprinkler system off and electrocuting them with one zappy shot. It’s interesting because there’s no plot reason for it to show such an innovative approach to death; we all know it could just pick off those guards one by one. It chooses the showy way of killing, presumably as a display of strength and to terrify any onlookers. It certainly seems to work on the Doctor, who ends up bawling at the screen...‘why can’t you just DIE?!’ But this is surely the Doctor’s modus operandi: come up with a clever solution which not only does the job but underlines your point....

...By episode’s end, the Dalek has used guile and intelligence to work its way to freedom, and stands at the finale with the spunky girl by its side. The Doctor on the other hand has resorted to wielding a big gun. Rose says to him, ‘What the hell are you changing into?’ making the implied point explicit. As it turns out, the story’s conclusion has very little to do with him. The Dalek commits suicide with Rose’s consent, while the Doctor is reduced to a bystander. In a strange way, the Dalek has won, while the Doctor has failed at every turn.”

From: https://randomwhoness.com/2014/12/19/the-monster-the-doctor-and-dalek-2005/

“Dalek” makes an effective comparison between the Doctor and the Dalek because it uses more than dialogue to make the comparison.

Another fantastic element of Dalek is how sparing it is. Nowadays we’re used to hordes of Daleks in season finales. Those tend to be big, galaxy-ending battles that are thwarted clever solutions, since Daleks don’t seem to take casualties like ordinary armies (in fact, we never see them being clever when they’re out in full force. They seem to be scary only because they can take you down, but you can’t reciprocate).

In “Dalek,” we see just one Dalek, and in it, the Doctor has met his match. They’re confined and racing against each other. The equal weight and the power of just one Dalek makes Daleks at large infinitely more intimidating. Precision can pack just as much punch as an onslaught.

The whole episode is structured around the contrast, and its purposes (beyond introducing an old villain in a fresh way) include revealing something fundamental about the new doctor’s character.

So, I love Eccleston, and I love the 2005 season. “Dalek” challenged everything I thought I knew about the Doctor: that he was incapable of looking for a violent solution. Up until “Dalek,” the doctor was a survivor, a refugee of sorts, drifting through space and mourning his people, lost in the war. He looked for solutions that kept people alive, and seemed to genuinely regret casualties, even when the dead had tried to kill him. Then “Dalek” changed everything.

I did a quick look through transcripts, and “Dalek” is the first time the Doctor reveals that he ended the Time War. Before that, we’d figured out that everyone was dead and he was the last one, and that he tried to save them, but not that he was the direct cause of their deaths. But before he admitted that, we watched him seethe with anger and pain. We watched out previously killing-averse Doctor jump to torture and murder, and not after a long, on-screen provocation, but as soon as he found out what the Dalek was. As a new viewer, I didn’t really know what a Dalek was, but I wanted to know what could possibly make the “It’s a different morality. Get used to it”-Doctor that distressed. I was disturbed, both by what the Doctor was doing, and by what could have made him that way. I didn’t know what he was going to do next, or what he was capable of. I also hurt seeing him in that much pain.

In this episode, Rose doesn’t see any of this. All she hears is the Doctor defending her after he thought she dies, and keeping everyone alive as the Dalek approaches. She doesn’t watch the Dalek murder a roomful of people. By contrast, what Rose does see is a Dalek that’s just slightly human, one that’s “beginning to question itself,” enough to pity it.

Of course she’s horrified by the Doctor we see at the end, who wants to kill it. She hasn’t seen any of the grief and pain that the audience has seen. When she says “What the hell are you changing into?” we know both sides of the story. We know the Doctor is much more like a Dalek than we thought, but we’re not condemning him for wanting to kill it because we finally understand why he’s going around with such a weight of guilt.

To recap: when Dalek compares the Doctor to a Dalek, it does do effectively because we are shown, not told, the depth of the Doctor’s hate by his reactions, because of a sudden contrast in his behavior in previous episodes, and because the Doctor is structurally compared to the Dalek across the whole episode by reversing their roles.

For my last point, I want to look at what moral pronouncement we give the doctor as a result of the episode. Comparing the Doctor to a Dalek is always supposed to shock us, since the Doctor’s a life-defender and they’re robot exterminators. As the audience, it’s up to us to answer the question “Is the Doctor just like a Dalek?” and why we answer no is best illustrated by the placement of the two lines that explicitly compare the Doctor to a Dalek.

Mid episode, right after the Doctor’s explosion of temper:

DALEK: You would make a good Dalek.

End of episode:

ROSE: ...What about you, Doctor? What the hell are you changing into?

If the whole episode is about comparing the Doctor to a Dalek, why is the Dalek’s line at the beginning-middle of the episode?

Because this episode is about more than Daleks. More than them, it’s about who the Doctor is. We’ve gotten little hints and followed the breadcrumbs to figure out what the time war was, but this episode takes off his bandages to show us the raw wounds still there. Like Donna in the Sontaran Stratagem, we don’t really know who the Doctor is, and not knowing could be dangerous because we don’t really know what he’s capable of. We assume he’s a good guy because we haven’t really seen him do evil--all deaths around him have happened as willing sacrifice (Jabe the tree, Gwyneth), by the hands of others, or in hands-off, retaliatory justice fashion (the Nestene consciousness, the Slovene, Cassandra). He had never pulled the trigger, so to speak. Now we know he has done so before, and will do it again.

We saw his explosion of pain-fueled rage at the Dalek, and it was shocking. When the Dalek calls him on it, we’re inclined to agree, and yet we can tell there’s so much emotion and guilt underneath it, something a Dalek is incapable of.

Between that line and the ending, what happens? We watch the Doctor suffer fresh grief as the closest thing he has to family dies again, right before his eyes, at the hands of a Dalek. When he realizes she lives, he has a chance, in a way, to live it all over again. What does he change when he gets a do-over?

DALEK [on screen]: Open the bulkhead or Rose Tyler dies. DOCTOR: You're alive! ROSE [on screen]: Can't get rid of me. DOCTOR: I thought you were dead. DALEK [on screen]: Open the bulkhead! ROSE [on screen]: Don't do it! DALEK [on screen]: What use are emotions if you will not save the woman you love? DOCTOR: I killed her once. I can't do it again. (The bulkhead opens. Rose and the Dalek walk through.)

He releases a Dalek to save someone he cares about, to hell with the consequences. This choice is key to the Ninth Doctor’s character, and it’s key to the decision he makes in the finale. He is not actually a Dalek, because the guilt and grief he experiences after he’s pulled the trigger is so overwhelming that he can’t do it again. Yet if we’re to learn who the Doctor is, we cannot forget him earlier in the episode: he can be mad with grief and is capable of frightening things in his anger.

The ultimate pronouncement is made by a character who represents us. From “Rose” on, Rose is our eyes on the series, and in “Dalek,” she’s us--from earlier in the episode. She reminds us how we felt when we saw the Doctor attack the Dalek, spit flying, and is rightfully disturbed about what seems a total character change.

Yet, we’ve seen why the Doctor reacts the way he does, and we’ve incorporated this new information into our understanding of him, just like the Dalek with Rose’s DNA. We trust Rose to learn about him, just like we have, but she stands there as a reminder that the Doctor isn’t some moral abstraction of goodness, but someone who, despite awe-inspiring abilities, is just as flawed as you and me, and needs someone to remind him who he aspires to be and who he can grow into.

DOCTOR: Get out of the way. Rose, get out of the way now! ROSE: No. I won't let you do this. DOCTOR: That thing killed hundreds of people. ROSE: It's not the one pointing the gun at me. DOCTOR: I've got to do this. I've got to end it. The Daleks destroyed my home, my people. I've got nothing left. ROSE: Look at it. DOCTOR: What's it doing? ROSE: It's the sunlight, that's all it wants. DOCTOR: But it can't ROSE: It couldn't kill Van Statten, it couldn't kill me. It's changing. What about you, Doctor? What the hell are you changing into? DOCTOR: I couldn't. I wasn't. Oh, Rose. They're all dead. DALEK: Why do we survive? DOCTOR: I don't know.

If you want to compare the Doctor to a Dalek, this is the way to do it.

#doctor who #ninth doctor #dr who #doctor who meta #dr who meta #meta #dalek #doctor who dalek

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comicteaparty · 5 years ago

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February 26th-March 3rd, 2020 Reader Favorites Archive

The archive for the Reader Favorites chat that occurred from February 26th, 2020 to March 3rd, 2020. The chat focused on the following question:

What generally makes the pacing of a comic too fast or too slow for you?

chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]

My favourite comic style are those large sized, panel and dialogue heavy European comic books, line Blacksad and Asterix. Since every 80 page book tells a complete story, every page is progressing the plot significantly, and the whole thing is pretty compressed and the rate splash page has an impact you don’t get in a more lose, decompressed comic. I love that kind of stuff and I look for similiar pacing in webcomics - heavier on the dialogue but without choking the art, low on wordless scenes (they tend to make me skim), taut and tight story-telling, every page asks and answers a question. I know it‘s a matter of taste and got told more than once that I am too dumb for comics because I don‘t have the patience to read through six pages of wordless, plotless mood-setting; but eh - that kind of stuff just doesn‘t work for me. I firmly believe comic‘s big enough a field that mood pieces and tightly plotted stuff can happily co-exist and find their own readership. I‘m just gonna be in the „plot, all the time!“ corner.

sagaholmgaard

The a comic starts focusing on minor characters that don't hold much importance for the plot I'll find it to be wayy too drawn out. While One-Punch Man is one of my favorite comics, some fights are pretty unimportant for the overarching plot, focusing only on random small-fry heroes fighting random small-fry monsters and it's just... a million action panels for be too read through while waiting for the main cast to return (this turned out to be pretty specific, oops!)

Ash🦀

Honestly, coming from a writing/literature background, I feel that most comics are too fast-paced for me;; I love the slow build up, it makes everything much more rewarding at the end, and the mood-setting that just lets you breathe and stare at the page, yes, a thousand times yes. I guess this is why I don’t like reading or writing actions scenes... so fast-paced and they feel more like “this is action for interesting action and the hero needs exp and not because it’s a necessary battle” ;; but this is more of a personal preference than anything, and... yeah, I definitely blame the books I used to read xD

Capitania do Azar

I'm a little confused with the filler concept introduced here, given that most webcomics are made by individuals (not teams)... What would they even be filling for? I think it's fair to talk about less interesting b-plots or when the scenes are focused on characters we don't like as much, but I would hardly call anything a single artist decided it was worth enough to spend hours drawing by their volition "filler"

As for the pacing question, it is sometimes hard to combine the two facets of webcomics: that they're published on a page-to-page basis but they are often read in bulk, when digging through archives. I don't know if it's possible to find the perfect balance between these two, which makes it possible to think that certain scenes are too slow (oh no, we've been at this wedding for three months now!) but when read in the archive are suddenly too fast... I think breathing room is necessary every now and then, even for faster-paced comics.

RebelVampire

I think you need to consider that just because an artist doesn't see something as filler, doesn't mean readers won't. I've known a lot of comics where the creator created a scene that they loved, but in the bigger scheme of things it served absolutely no purpose to the plot and felt super out of place

So while the filler wasn't intentional as a "I need filler", to the readers it comes off as filler

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

I like long paced, slow- burn type stories where there is an obvious carefully crafted plot with each stitch placed intentionally for a bigger reveal and payoff. Much how i like any relationship shown in stories, i love it when an author almost makes readers work for that payoff. It makes the re-read value go way up, and to catch on to the subtle nuances of plot reveal on the second or third go at the story is very rewarding both as a writer and reader!

chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]

You can easily have slow burn relationships in a faster paced comic. I actually like that better, because that usually requires the characters to have actions and interests outside of the relationship of interest, which leads to more well rounded characters.

A good example is the novel Clockwork Boys and it‘s follow up - slowburn romance, and while the characters figured THAT one out, they solved a huge mystery.

renieplayerone

Im a big fan of stories that are able to turn the pacing up to 11 on a dime without it getting old or lowering the stakes at all. It takes such talent to be able to tell compelling stories with high flying action at the same time, so I appreciate anyone that can manage that balance

chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]

My personal approach to writing pacing is that each page has to do at least two of three: further the plot, introduce/deepen story-relevant world building, deepen the characterisation. I aim for all three at once; if there‘s only two, there better be a good reason to keep that scene around, if there‘s only one, it gets cut and/or merged with another one. Eg. I have a scene where the character cook (food‘s relevant because there‘s a famine) and a scene where they argue about their plans, those can easily be combined.

Some scenes are still slower or faster than others, but they all matter to the story.

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

Def agree with Renie on that point too!

Ash🦀

Chalcara makes a good point too, and it’s something I definitely try to keep in mind in my own pages. I try to answer a question and ask another with my pages and pull as much double duty as I can wrench out of it. Now, whether I succeed every time? Absolutely not. But this is a good reminder when I’m going back to edit issue 3- keep the push and pull of questions and answers in mind.

RebelVampire

Ok so at this point I do want to jump in and remind people that as per Rule #1, this chat should mostly be about your experiences as a reader vs. your experiences as a creator. So just want to make sure the convo doesn't delve too far into that realm.

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

My answer to this question is very much based on specific situations in comics. Pacing is SUCH a complex thing, and it's not always easy to see the impact in the grand scheme of things. To make a story seem too slow to me, a few things have to happen: the pages/ panels don't further the plot, don't deepen the characters/world-building, or the tension remains consistent for too long. Coming from a theatre background, I sometimes like to refer to this idea as beats. I focus a lot on the importance of every line having purpose. If a character says something, and it doesn't add anything to the experience, then perhaps the dialogue shouldn't be there at all. Or if a panel without dialogue doesn't add anything to the reader experience, the same thing applies. There should be no wasted space. Honestly, I am kind of a sucker for slow build-up (as long as there is actually build-up at all). So I'm not against slow-burn stories. To me, slow-burn shouldn't feel like it's dragging along, or like "nothing is happening," which is a common trap stories fall into. But we as readers need to see those slow moments in order to understand the fast moments too. Which brings me onto pacing that is too fast... Honestly, this is a much bigger problem to me personally. There is this influx in fiction of wanting to have the quickest jump into the action at the beginning of the story, and it always makes me want to stop reading. If the writer doesn't want to have ANY exposition at all or introduce the characters in any meaningful way, how am I as a reader going to give a shit about the characters? That's pretty much an instant story-killer to me. I don't mind if characters are introduced as we go, but completely glossing over them in favor of the biggest explosions never keeps my attention. All in all, I read comics (and fiction in general) for the human experience (which doesn't mean that your characters must be human, lol, fantasy and sci-fi writers).

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

@chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa] Thank you for mentioning that comics are big enough to accommodate all kinds of tastes. What I find to be too fast might be just right or even too slow for another person, and honestly, it's all valid.

FeatheryJustice

I like a coherent story. It doesn't matter if it is slow paced because I get to absorb the information. I don't mind if it is fast paced as long as I can understand it. If the story itself doesn't make sense because you want a slow paced story with weird inserts in the middle, you have lost me. If your story is too fast to the point of skipping scenes and details you lost me.

spacerocketbunny

I love slow building stories with larger payoff. Making sure that characters are fleshed out and given the chance to breathe while still facilitating the plot is a tricky thing to pull off but I've definitely seen it happen in comics like Shaderunners, TINF and Tiger Tiger for example. Shaderunners does an incredible job of showing a multifaceted inner conflict with characters while never missing a beat with super fun and high stake heists. TINF is one of my favourite romance stories that carefully builds up and constructs the characters and their feelings for each other while still maintaining that significant information on every page. Tiger Tiger is a slower paced story but keeps me on the edge of my seat every update. Petra utilizes space beautifully and I never feel like there's a need for condensing on pages. I boost these comics a lot but I personally find that pacing is a huge factor in my enjoyment for a comic, and I love these ones so much bc they suit my preference quite well!

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

There was a Korean professional webcomic (on Naver, though I don't think it ever got officially brought over to Webtoons) that I read, that had this interesting situation: seemingly fast pacing, very high tension, yet slow. It was a thriller that pitted a serial killer against the surviving wife of his latest victim. Once she got an inkling who the killer was, the tension skyrocketed, and it was a big game of chase. Problem was the chase part. It LOOKED fast paced if you just looked at like, one chapter of it. But they kept repeating the same scenario, just flavored differently. It was a rinse-and-repeat of this: "the wife found a new evidence; now everyone will believe her!" "oh no, the killer is about to catch her!" "the new evidence is lost" "wife finds another new evidence" etc. (It's been a while and my memory may not be accurate, but the idea is there) Nothing really changed throughout the repeated cycles. So yeah, repetition can be a problem.

Capitania do Azar

Haha, @keii’ii (Heart of Keol) I understand your frustration, but I feel like that kind of story is just aimed at a different audience... It almost feels like watching an episodic Tv show where everything has to come back to the starting point by the end of each episode

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

That is certainly a type with its own audience. Though if that's what they were going for, they probably could've benefitted from a different way of starting the story so readers would've known what they were in for. And there were lots of things that really felt like could have gone somewhere, but never did.

Hmm, I guess that's another thing that could affect how pacing is perceived: loose threads?

RebelVampire

IDK I think there's a difference between something being episodic and something being annoyingly repetitious. For example, Detective Conan is arguably episodic. Each situation in the larger scheme of things is largely the same: Crime happens -> There are red herrings and twists -> Conan solves it. As a mystery comic, it's never gonna deviate from that formula. But if literally every crime had the basic same plot flow, like if the red herrings and twists were the same everytime, then it ceases to be episodic and just becomes bland and repetitive.(edited)

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

OH and speaking of Korean webcomics, I wanna talk about a pacing-related concept that gets brought up a lot in their comment sections: yam vs sprite (they call it "cider" bu they really mean sprite/ 7-up). Baked yam is a common wintertime treat. It fills you up, it's delicious. But it's notorious for making you thirsty. It kind of clogs up & dries up your throat. Whereas sprite is a thirst quencher. So, the idea is you can't eat yams forever. You need sprite to balance it out. Yams are a metaphor for frustrating build-ups. There is a sense that you (and/or the protagonist) are being wronged. e.g. It's a sports comic, and the leader of the opposing team keeps trash talking, even cheats and gets away with it. Sprite is a metaphor for satisfaction. In the same sports comic example, the arrogant, cheating leader finally gets what they deserve. Most stories need its share of yams. But if the yam portion of the story goes on for too long, the comment section will be filled with "where's my sprite!!!" "I feel like I ate 1,000 yams and now REALLY need some sprite" etc.

spacerocketbunny

Ahh that's an interesting concept!

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

There are certainly stories that are big piles of yams by design. But I think when done well, readers who like a lot of sprite can tell what it is, and walk away pretty early on. So those comics attract readers who are into piles of yams.

(Of course, there's always gonna be That One Person who walks into a yam party and loudly demands a 5-gallon bottle of sprite... )

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

In that case, I definitely avoid yams! No matter how much I love a character or cast, I tend to go crazy if we stay in one location too long, or in one slow storyline for too many pages, or if I find myself going "COME ON, DO IT, DO THE THING, WE KNOW YOU'RE GONNA." To me, something new should happen on every page, even if it's a tiny plot progression or a tidbit of character info. I very much appreciate when a story takes time to breathe - and I find it's those quiet, cute, or slightly-unnecessary moments that are most memorable when I think of a comic - but too much of that will make me fidgety. I really need alternating paces to be happy.

kayotics

I think for me, it’s easier for a comic to go too slow than too fast. I’ve definitely seen comics go too fast, but the slow pace is more frustrating for me. What makes a comic slow for me are a few things: too MUCH focus on atmosphere (like multiple hand shots that don’t have dialogue), repeated events, too much buildup for an event, and the last thing is technical ability (like speech bubbles that are too large or in vertical scroll comics the panels being way too far apart). I’m pretty ok with letting things breathe, and I actually love that, but I need something to keep my interest, and those things above don’t do it.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I don't think yams are about repetition, though it can certainly involve repetition. It could be a new level of frustration on every page, revealing something new about the characters. But those would still be yams.

Deo101 [Millennium]

I'm also of the mind that its way easier for comics to go too slow than too fast. However, I think that its also really easy for a comic to introduce too many things too fast, without giving me the time to get to know anyone (contradictory, I know, hear me out) I think a lot of comics will start in a boring setting, before the initial action. It takes a very long time to ramp up to the ACTUAL story, because they want to get me to a baseline of knowledge before we get to all the action. This is really slow though because essentially nothing is actually happening, plot wise, and I think that the creators know this and so they try to do it all as fast as possible, so by the time we get to the action there are 10 characters and a ton of lore I don't actually know.... So I think there are two kinds of pacing, the actual plot/events of a story, and the introduction of new ideas. For me, the plot/events need to be relatively fast, but the introduction of ideas needs to be slow. I can't start a story with 6 people, it will feel too fast no matter what, and I can't start a story with slow action or it will feel like it's dragging. I don't know if this makes sense or not

kayotics

I think I agree with that pretty wholeheartedly. I want a comic to get me into the action pretty quickly, but introduce new characters and concepts slowly. Give me, like... 3 characters tops to start with.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Yeah, too slow AND too fast is definitely a possibility!

kayotics

Fantasy and sci-fi are both genres that can fall into that trap easily, and I think the comics that bring me into the world building best is the ones that don’t explain things IMMEDIATELY, but explain things over time as I need to know them

Deo101 [Millennium]

^ yes I feel this too. I think there is also a certain respect for a readers ability to suspend their disbelief that is oftentimes not taken into account... I think that, for the most part just being told something exists is fine, and learning how it works is what needs to take time. But, a lot of stories may try to justify things existing, which feels like overexplaining

kayotics

It’s like explaining why trees exist. Sometimes they just... do. I don’t question why they’re there

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

Agreed, I think stories set in the real world have the advantage of starting with a bang, without much need for explanation - there's always a need for some explanation upfront in a fantasy/sci-fi setting, even if it's done through visual shorthand. You don't need to overexplain, but you definitely have to explain... more. Or at least make it abundantly clear that A) this is a different world, B) this is the general event that's happening, and C) this is how you should feel about it, even without living in that world.

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yes exactly I feel like I see it most commonly in scifi/fantasy, like you said, where someone wants to explain why their magic exists immediately. This will sound rude but at this point I don't care why it exists, maybe way later you can tell me but I don't care when I'm only just starting .. it feels like reading someone's worldbuilding essay idk

kayotics

Yeah... that’s definitely a thing that can affect pacing negatively. I don’t need a world building essay on how the magic works right away. As long as the logic is consistent in magic I’ll figure it out as a reader. Then you can explain details later and I’ll be into it.

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah cause later on it feels like connecting dots, almost like revealing the answer to a mystery

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

Yes yes! I love that sense that as a reader, you're being trusted to learn - not so much that you're being fed information, but that you're given enough to put the pieces together. Even done slowly, it's very satisfying.

chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]

I like my storys with some unexplained mysteries. I mean, how many people know exactly how the internet works, and yet we use it daily? Dumping down a dissertation on how x works more often than not kills pacing for me.

kayotics

I think it can be done well to keep the pacing going, but it needs to be combined with something. Sometimes you need to provide that info dump so the story keeps working

I can’t pinpoint any exact scenes but I seem to remember Gunnerkrigg Court doing that pretty well. There’s a lot of unusual concepts in that story that need to be explained, but it usually doesn’t feel like a slog

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah for sure. I do think it can also be used either in tandem with or as an instigator to moving things forward, if done right. Its not illegal to reveal information about the world

I think people tend to do this kind of thing better with Characters than the world. Because with Characters, we want to get to know them and this comes more naturally, but with worldbuilding... It often feels like worldbuilding should be a baseline knowledge rather than also a storytelling element I guess

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

One thing that really annoys me with pacing is when a single story beat that should be relatively simple takes way too long in real time. Like in one comic I read, the villains tell the heroes to urgently meet them at some location. And, like, the heroes are talking back and forth, deciding who they should send and such. But, like... it's been six months, and they still haven't left the house yet. I guess the urgency feeling is probably there if you're binging the comic? But, it really doesn't encourage me to follow along with the comic if it's such a slow read. I'm not saying that these sorts of authors need to update faster, but if your update rate is to the point where it takes months to finish an urgent conversation, maybe some things should be cut out? Or they should at least be walking out the door while they're talking? I guess it's just sort of a general "something should happen each page" thing though. Like if the conversation is just going in circles, there's really no need for it, and it can be annoying to follow along when it's seemingly so urgent.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I know it's not the same thing, but that reminded me of all the gaming comic strips out there that poke fun at "it's final dungeon time, the stakes are higher than ever, and the player spends the next 80 hours completing the minigames"

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

I have a rule that if any piece of dialogue isn't either directly advancing the plot, giving the reader new information about the characters speaking, or is funny, it should be cut

Definitely agree with what people have said, that big infodumps right off the bat are not enjoyable. I honestly don't ever want the author to sit me down and explain something to me. It's much more interesting to see parts of the worldbuilding in action, or to see things that arent explained and have to theorize about what it is or how it works before the mechanics behind it are shown

Capitania do Azar

I very much second that notion, @sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD) , that's my rule of thumb when I'm writing

Deo101 [Millennium]

I have a similar rule with my pages, but with dialogue I like to have more fluff so we feel like we're spending a bit more time with them

Capitania do Azar

if the info is not something I need the reader to know (and character development is) then what's the point of forcing myself to draw more stuff

but @Deo101 [Millennium] , fluff IS character ;D

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah! But it's not always new information is all

You gotta reestablish stuff, let some things marinate, and repeat things for them to really settle in I think, so it can't ALWAYS be new stuff, even if the page as a whole is introducing something new. I mean usually you can do it alongside other stuff but yeah

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I think sometimes it's the same for the characters. e.g. The same characters can have multiple conversations about the same topic, but their understanding/ feelings toward the topic can change as things marinate.

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah for sure

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

Meaningful conversations where you get to know the character’s personality would fall in the 2nd category

Sometimes its hard to judge whether dialogue will be interesting to someone who’s unfamiliar with the characters

Shadowmark Productions

Someone once told me that dialogue should reveal character and action reveals plot. If done correctly, both work in tandem to advance the story without exposition. I’ve found that to be very useful.

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

Ooh. True!

mirandalorian

That's a good way to put it. And it seems like that idea is pretty important in comics.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I think it's 100% fine if dialogue isn't interesting to people unfamiliar with the characters -- as long as it's compelling to people who have been reading from the beginning?

I live for the kind of scenes where like... character A just smiles... it's an ordinary smile to people who don't know A, but it means the world to people who know the context and the character

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

Action can reveal character too

chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]

I‘d say it‘s even more important, I for starters love characters that say one thing and do another; it‘s a good way to show conflict!

(Inner conflict, I mean)

RebelVampire

For me whether I think the pacing is too fast or too slow are actually two different things. In regards to finding the pacing too slow, I generally base this on a character's progress for their goals. While I like to see characters face setbacks and don't expect everything to be solved immediately, I expect some progress to be had. So if I wind up reading a comic and it's basically taking more than 100 pages for any progress to be made in the protagonist's goal and growth, that's just way too slow for my personal tastes. It kind of just ruins my investment in their goal since it doesn't feel like they're actually working on it, and that kind of defeats the point of a goal. In a similar but different vein, pacing is too fast for me if the comic never stops to breathe to exposit or showcase character emotions. Obviously, expositing a whole bunch is bad, and you don't want to take 20 pages to show a character crying. However, these moments where you take a step back and say "Hey look this character is struggling and here is a hint of their backstory" are super important for creating a bond between the reader and the characters. Without them, it just feels like you're sprinting from Plot Point A to Plot Point B. In relation to this, another element that would make it too fast is if characters are getting over things way too fast because plot is to be had. When something emotional happens, such as a character dies, I should still be able to feel those affects much later even if its not at the forefront. Of course, these are clearly just to my personal tastes, which pacing generally is a subjective thing in most cases.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

For sure that thing about needing space after emotional events

not a webcomic but some of my favorite parts of One Piece are the crew goofing off after ever major arc

I feel like webcomics can fail at this sometimes, because things that feel tediously slow when writing week -by-week can feel fast when read back all at once

#ctparchive #comics #webcomics #indie comics #comic chat #comic discussion #reader favorites #comic tea party #ctp

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tessatechaitea · 5 years ago

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Wonder Twins #7

I didn't realize the Wonder Twins were Gen X.

Oh yeah! Zan had just saved the world by stopping a plot that was going to save the world.

I just realized I hadn't scanned the cover yet and as I did, I noticed the Wonder Twins fist/star emblem marks a striking resemblance to a goat.se riff. Zan and Jayna get taken off of monitor duty at the Hall of Justice now that they've stopped the League of Annoyance. You'd think that doing a good job would get you a promotion but those of use who have always done spectacularly good jobs know better. While everybody else works down to the lowest common denominator (because who wants to do more work than the next guy?! A fool, that's who!), good workers just put on blinders and do the job they were hired for until the time they're being paid for is up. Sure, that sounds like I'm describing a sucker who's been completely manipulated by the man! But I'm also describing a person who fulfills their end of whatever bargain they've agreed to! So when I say Zan and Jayna wind up giving tours at the Hall of Justice because they were too good at catching criminals, you'll understand why I went into the previous digression. Maybe? I don't know. Have you seen what state the U.S. is in?! Why are you picking apart my writing style?! Mark Russell takes a few pages to shit all over hockey fans and now I hate Mark Russell with a burning passion. Even though I'd hardly call myself a hockey fan. I mean, I loved NHL '93 (unless it was '92 (or maybe '94?)) and I loved going to San Jose Sharks games when I was still living in the Bay Area (plus my friend worked equipment for the Sharks and would get us free tickets). But it's not like I follow it much anymore. I just like the feeling of being angry at somebody for writing a satirical critique of sports fans rioting because they're so happy that their team won. Although why would I be angry when I've never done that nor think Russell's wrong in his pointed and humorous critique?! Oh, who cares why! Being angry is just more fun! Oh shit! I finally understand people's attraction to Fox News! I just watched a YouTube clip of somebody's Jeremy Roenick highlights from NHL '94 set to the song "More Than a Feeling" and it was pretty awesome. Also, that was definitely the one we played nonstop back in 1993 and 94 and maybe even into 95. Roenick unstoppable down with the puck while Sharks players lay splayed out on their back all across the ice. To stop the riot, Superman calls in Repulso! He's a guy whose super power is super stink and he's kept in a locked room with a bare table and a microwave and nobody wants to be his friend because he smells like a garbage dumb that vomited on top of the diarrhea it shit out while standing on its head so the stanky muck ran down his body absorbing all of his body odor and then somebody cut up a durian and tossed it in the mix.

Superman is a dick. Get this guy some friends with no sense of smell. Or at the very least, an Xbox Gold account.

After the hockey riots, some "the end of the world" riots take place because Zan and Jayna screw up something or other. Basically what that means is that Repulso gets to be let out of his airtight containment unit again! He's a pretty optimistic guy for being sealed away by Superman (which is just Superman's way! Is somebody a problem? No problem! Put them in the Phantom Zone!). He's so happy and not bitter about his living arrangements that I feel like Zan and Jayna had better figure out a way to give him a better life before this issue ends. Because if Mark Russell fails this character he created before this issue is over and I have to face reality after snot crying about a fictional person, I'm going to be pretty upset when I continue to buy Mark Russell comic books because what other choice do I have? Am I going to stop reading DC's best written comic books because Mark Russell betrayed poor Repulso? Of course not! What am I? A person with integrity?! Repulso winds up getting his ass beat by rioters as Repulso's handlers flee the chaotic "end of the world" downtown riot scene. Luckily the Wonder Twins are headed downtown to save his life and maybe become his friend or something? Please? After Zan and Jayna save Repulso, Jayna goes to Superman to tell him everything sucks. He gives her a big speech about how being a hero is lonely work because you don't always get to fuck the hot chick at your secret identity's workplace and also fuck an Amazon warrior while also getting to fuck anybody at all whose initials are "L.L." and also have a best friend who is the coolest guy in the world with a butler who makes the best pancakes. Sometimes you're a fat jerk who smells who even Superman won't fucking give the time of day because Superman has this speech about how being a hero is lonely and that's a good thing so you should embrace your loneliness because who wants to put up with your super stink, fatty?

Jayna is a way better hero than Superman. At least in this comic book that's all about her and not Superman so of course she's going to outshine him!

Oh yeah, the ant in the above picture is Jayna. It can't smell. Wonder Twins #7 Rating: A+. I should probably be less cynical when reading Mark Russell comic books because he's as earnest and serious as he can be while also providing lots of jokes. He takes writing seriously because what else is there? If your message isn't going to matter, why bother? (is his philosophy. I think. It's not my philosophy! I don't think? Maybe it is! I just write things that matter in a much different way than Mark Russell writes things that matter.) I should probably read Superman's speech and be inspired by the idea that you don't do good because you want adulation; you do good because it's the right thing to do, even if the entire world thinks you're an asshole for doing it. Even if all of the other superheroes think you're a stinky fuck and only keep you around to use as a tool to oppress and manipulate the masses without having to use logic and reason on them (because, let's face it, the people doing terrible things don't understand logic and reason. Or they're do but they're just selfish and greedy so nothing is going to reach them anyway (which maybe is part of Superman's message?)), you're still a hero at the end of the day. You can still be proud of your stinky self. And even if the life is lonely, you should remain positive and upbeat because Superman really doesn't want to be reminded that you exist every time you complain about the lack of reasonable living conditions. Being a hero is a state of mind, says the guy who also looks great and is invulnerable and has the best wife and a cool son and doesn't have to fear death! So inspiring!

#Wonder Twins #Mark Russell #Stephen Byrne #DC Comics #DC

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scarlettlawyer · 6 years ago

Text

Part 11 of my reaction/commentary to the Phantoms & Mirages Saga, the fanfic series by @renegadewangs

(Chasing Phantoms): Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

(Haunted Specters): Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6

(Vanquishing Mirages): Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9

Vanquishing Mirages / Lifting Spirits: Part 10

Lifting Spirits, Chapter 1

At the very least, he could rest easy knowing that his first motorcycle lesson hadn’t been a complete disaster. The future looked promising.

ANY future looks promising when it has Motorcycle Simon in it

“Here, I brought you a sandwich.” “Is it chicken?”

Blackquill: [known bird lover, intense lover of birds pouring over bird documentaries in his spare time and cherishing Taka with all his heart]

The boy who would become the phantom, the moment he is presented with a sandwich: iS IT CHICKEN?

“But… People die when they are killed.”

ASDJHSDBKJS

A+ DIALOGUE THANK YOU I LOVE IT. GOOOSH I’M. SOMEBODY needs to compile a list of things this same person has said in this series. The above line. The courtroom jokes, the irony line… the “I’m aroace” line… The other things he said to intentionally turn Bobby against him post-phantomquill kissbait, throw in a bunch of other Lex lines too. The RANGE. THE SHEER RANGE. You could just do a list like that, show it to someone and be like “Yeeeaahh so ALL of these are essentially said by the same character in different stages of his life.”

Lifting Spirits, Chapter 2

Finally, there was a knock on the door and Lang led the way into the room. He looked irritable. He’d been giving off that air since before the surgery. Lex had a suspicion on what might be causing such irritation, but kept it to himself. Lang wouldn’t take his advice on matters like that anyway.

“Matters like that” I’M FGLKFGLKNGF

OKAY ALSO

I SOMEHOW MISREMEMBERED THIS AS BEING SOMETHING HE THINKS BACK BEFORE THE SURGERY BUT EITHER WAY IT’S JUST. GOLD.

The phantom – or the former phantom – Lex just sitting there doing his best to refrain from giving out romantic advice.

Someone younger than he’d expected. This man couldn’t be older than thirty- probably hadn’t even reached that age yet. […] this guy looked rather meek. He was lean; the sort of physique that made it seem like a strong gust of wind could blow him off his feet. His black hair was smoothed back with copious amounts of gel and his face bore overly kind features. A few sheets of paper and a notebook were clutched firmly under his right arm. Coupled with his neat black suit, dark blue tie and thick-rimmed glasses, he looked more like a door-to-door salesman than a therapist.

GEEEEE MEOWZY, GEEEE, SUCH DESCRIPTION, I WONDER IF HE’S AN IMPORTANT CHARACTER OR ANYTHING sdjnksdfknl.

Okay but back when I read this 1st time I was like. Well I seriously didn’t know WHY the hell this guy needed such a strong narrative focus on what he looked like. Like. “He’s the therapist. That’s all we need to know. He’s not important! Why do we care what he looks like! Why does it matter!” askjbsdkjnedskj just felt SO excessive just annoying that the narrative felt like it Cared so much about a random therapist character DFKDFKJ GOD I WAS A FOOL

AND ALSO UHHH

Like yes this fic post-bait was still promising and as superb as ever and had thrilled me with things like the music-listening thing BUT. I need you to understand that I was still very hurt over Fake Phantomquill and therefore, REALLY not in the mood for getting to know Sudden New Characters. The intense goodwill I’d built up for this series over three fics had been largely derailed at this point. I just… didn’t really care all that much about giving new characters a chance thanks to that new apathy. That, and the fact that this series genuinely felt like it was reaching the end at this point, with all of the Major Players already introduced. So how could any important character POSSIBLY show up now? Coupled with how Done I was after the phantomquill bait. SO YKNOW. Idiot that I am, I kind of breezed over the above paragraph a little impatiently without really taking anything in, like I read it but didn’t really ABSORB it or incorporate the physical description into how I pictured the character. I was just like “yeah ok he’s the therapist moving on? What’s next?” (BENNY I’M SO SORRY I WAS VERY MEAN). So yeah, my foolish logic: “series is almost over, all the important characters are introduced, therefore no character introduced at this point could possibly be important, therefore I don’t need to care about or pay attention to anyone new.”

…Like okay, I knew the story wanted me to see this new character as someone important and therefore pay attention to them, but I couldn’t understand why and therefore intentionally failed to pay much close attention almost out of spite.

But like. God. If I had actually bothered to take in anything about that physical description I would have actually NOTICED how handsome he is right from the start. Joke’s on me!

“[…] a person who’s supposed to have no emotions is incredibly interesting.”

[…]

Such an odd point of view was another thing that took Lex by surprise. All his life, people had called him a monster. A freak. A heartless robot or a demon. A Phantom. No one had ever considered his emotional state to be interesting. No one had ever considered it an honor to be sitting across from him. Who in their right mind would?

WHY WOULD YOU CALL ME OUT LIKE THIS

HELLO. SDKJNSFKJNSDKJ. ALSO THANK YOU SOMEONE ACTUALLY AGREES HOW INTERESTING THE LACK OF EMOTIONS THING IS.

But this is so funny it’s like the fic is takign aim at the fangirls. Me, a phantom fan: Hah… Yes… Who in their right mind would consider it an honour to be sitting across from him.. sdkjsdkjdsf

(Okay, that angle didn’t occur to me on 1st readthrough but now I’m just jokingly like “I feel so attacked” HAHAAH)

Most of the focus had been on Lex’s physical health and the way he was being treated, both on a medical level and on a personal level. Emotions could affect the body and Lex had to admit that recovery from his surgery was still going at a slow pace.

OH MY GOOOOOD FUUUUUDGE TH. BENNY IS SIZING HIM UP HE’S ASKING THOSE KINDS OF QUESTIONS FOR A REASON. GOD DAAAMN IT BENNY… Knowing the way he is being treated medically, things like that, can make it just that little bit easier! To! Make an attempt on his life! I’M

TFW u do ur job as a therapist but also as an assassin simultaneously.

No one else stopped by his room for hours on end. Not until it was time for the guard shift to rotate and Bobby Fulbright came strolling inside. Over the past week, it’d become painfully obvious that the Phantom’s attempt to crush the man’s cheerful attitude towards him had failed. That Bobby was still as overbearing as ever, acting as if that little incident involving Simon Blackquill hadn’t happened.

Idiot spy underestimated the power and strength of just HOW MUCH Bobby cares about him.

“Hahaha, that’s just like him.” Bobby nudged the wrapper towards the bin with his foot. “And just so you know, he’s single.”

BOBBY NO. THAT IS HIS THERAPIST. THAT IS YOUR THERAPIST,

Lex made sure to shoot Bobby the most emotionless expression he could still bring his face to ease into. It was funny how the surgery had messed with even that much. “It isn’t too late for me to end your life, you know.”

SDJKSDFNKJSDFKLNSDLNKSDLKN this & him saying this is so funny SEND HELP

The mark of Shelly de Killer.

OH. OKAAAY. I’D FORGOTTEN THAT THE FIRST ASSASSINATION ATTEMPT TAKES PLACE ON THE SAME DAY. BENNY WASTES NO TIME AT ALL… And it makes sense I mean. He got the info he needed to go ahead, so why wait? Oh my god..

Lifting Spirits, Chapter 3

…It’s terrible how much I kind of enjoyed Lex’s sudden downturn; what essentially was the prelude to and then became a vomit scene just because This man used to be the Unshakeable Phantom! LOOK AT HIM NOW. >:D

Plus he starts off soooo arrogant and overconfident at the beginning of the chapter as well before Lang is just like. “Lol. Looks like you didn’t actually kill Shelly and he’s after you.” Making the rapid nosedive that follows even more… It feels kinda weird to say “amusing”, but… IDK MAN THERE’S JUST INHERENT NARRATIVE APPEAL IN THIS LEVEL OF WEAKNESS AND VULNERABILITY AND WHAT HAVE YOU ON DISPLAY after a bout of confidence no less, from this character with this history specifically. Any other character and I’d be appropriately squicked out/feeling bad. I CAN BE VERY MEAN TO MY FAVE.

Also, “prayers to the porcelain god” is actually SUCH a good euphemism. Somehow… If I ever get the chance… I want to see if I can work it into saying it in real-life at least once. I don’t see any such opportunity arising anytime soon, however. :P

“Just send him in, it’s not like the day can get any worse,” Lex grumbled, clambering back onto his bed.

>:D

Benny shows up and it’s just pure dramatic irony. Re-reading is suuuuch a bonus.

What if they were endangering Benny by having him here?

OH MY G

“You’re a Snapple guy?”

I’M, I LOST IT AT THIS

Maybe he just wanted to be the one raising the questions- to be in control of the conversation. …Yeah, that was probably it. That was how the human psyche worked.

I’M?

“Of course. I don’t know how other people manage with their android phones. Snapple’s always got the upper hand,” Benny remarked, not even bothering to take his eyes off the screen.

Lex: Right. Have fun with your planned obsolescence, sucker.

IF A REAL LIFE MAN ACTUALLY SAID THIS TO MY FACE.. I GOTTA TELL YA… The sheer level of aggravating this is. XD. I DON’T KNOW IF I’D BE ABLE TO HOLD MYSELF BACK FROM SAYING SOMETHING.

Me internally if an IRL man said this to me: Oh so you’re insufferable and I probably won’t like you very much at all.

SDKJSDNKJSDNKJ

Lifting Spirits, Chapter 4

Bro. Bro I was suspicious of that coffee, man. And then when Lex drains it all, I was like “MMMM somehow… that feels like a mistake he’s going to regret.”

“Could there be any kind of poison in it that interpol could fail to detect?”

But, I didn’t suspect Benny of wrongdoing. I was suspicious of the coffee, but not Benny. I figured that if the coffee had been tampered with, Benny was completely unaware of it. But then, I forgot about it and put it out of mind after that when nothing too dramatic happened immediately after he takes the coffee.

Lifting Spirits, Chapter 5

“It’s fine.” Lex was embarrassed to hear that he’d taken on a rather squeaky tone.

Embarrassed… Embarrassed… Embarrassed…!

Yeeeees. It’s like I’ve waited 3 full fics and then some to see this man FINALLY be embarrassed. Feels good.

…Well this chapter certainly gets intense after that. :[

Now this second vomit scene is actually quite appropriately upsetting to read. OOF.

Lifting Spirits, Chapter 6

Bro just imagining that slowed-down music really IS super eerie, damn.

Lifting Spirits, Chapter 7

“Bobby Fulbright. I was under the impression that you were no longer allowed to be here.”

Gooood he STILL goes for the full titles all the time when “orienting” to the conversation, like he didn’t need to use any name at all here. I’m telling you, 1. This is his character trait, Lex and Phantom alike, and 2. It’s so Franziskan sdkjsdnkjsd.

Bobby sighed. It was like everyone around him realized his care for the Phantom was unwarranted. He himself realized it too, but that didn’t change anything. “I know. I’m just an idiot like that.” “Acknowledgment is the first step to recovery. Now take the next step and get out.” With that, Lex made to slide the headphones back over his ears.

UM rUDE xDDD

While the concept of him being aromantic had been cast into doubt ever since the surgery, he didn’t mean to dig much further into it. Unless he was somehow miraculously saved from execution, his sexuality didn’t matter. He would die just as he’d always lived; alone. The concept didn’t quite stop him from appreciating Benny’s handsome features, though. Or the way Benny kept smiling as if he wasn’t looking at a murderer.

Ohooooh my. Here we are! Precisely what connects back strongly to a lot of the stuff I discussed in my previous post but I couldn’t quite fit it in.

So like. I could very much see what was going on here. Mhm. Yes I did. We are getting implied Lex/Benny. And, confession time, but I MIGHT have stumbled across a post that heavily implied Lex/Benny back before I had ANY inkling of who Benny was… Back before Lex was Lex. So it meant absolutely nothing to me at the time, it simply DEEPLY confused me in the sense of “You’d think I’ve read far enough into the series and yet WHY can’t I make heads or tails of this post?” But, I quickly put it out of mind and temporarily forgot about it and was able to continue reading the text “blind”, but when Benny actually showed up… and Lex is Lex now… And Bobby’s all “He’s SINGLE 😉” I narrowed my eyes all like. Oh. Oh… There’s a certain way this could go. But I still thought “Hey. Maybe nothing will happen and neither of them will develop feelings, maybe it’s just like, a fun side-idea the author personally likes but didn’t put directly into the story- ohhhh and here it is hints on Lex’s side building up in the story. WELL THEN.”

It just felt like…

The author: [shipteases phantomquill, phantom/Athena (YES I KNOW THAT WAS A JOKE AND I AM INCLUDING IT ONLY AS A JOKE THAT WILL LENGTHEN THIS LIST), spyshipping, and even Freudian Phantombright (I AM ALSO INCLUDING THIS LAST ONE ONLY AS A JOKE)]

The author, after doing all of this: [whips out/ushers in their OC at the last minute to pair up with him]

Me:

DFJKSDLKSDKL

The above is a retooled version of a message I sent to my friend at the time – I hope the summary comes across as more of a comically condensed expression of frustration-at-the-time and not mean-spirited (mean-spirited is not what I want to be, I just exaggerate for comical effect is all, and I didn’t expect I’d be telling my feelings to the author directly ahhah..) But as already established? I was quite bitter over the now-you-see-it-now-you-don’t phantomquill, and so I was not particularly impressed at the time as a result… xDDD

I also just love how he, of all characters, seems to be the “launcher of a thousand ships” here… LOL

But of course, Benny is not technically an OC, is he? :P You can argue he’s merely an interpretation of a canon character from Dual Destinies – the courtroom sniper. Dskjdsjknsd

At the time it might have felt “ushered in”, but in reality, Benny has that connection to a “canon” character – the courtroom sniper – the further connection to ace attorney canon through being Shelly’s son, AAAND has already been very much intertwined in this series through “off-screen” references. He really is quite heavily grounded in the fic’s lore. And in Ace Attorney lore. Very, very clever and well-done. …Of course, I didn’t know any of this until the Reveal, so I remained unimpressed until then. Now post-reveal is a different story, and I came to intensely appreciate not only Benny as a character but also just how awesome the dynamic between Benny and Lex really is.

Shipping aside, you have the aroace business… I have actually previously come across a post on your blog where you stated you kinda felt bad for not keeping Lex aroace. I feel like this can easily get pretty thorny, and I want to kind of, as I stated in a previous post, analyse the text as an independent entity here – how I would judge/react to the text without any knowledge of or contact with the author or the context it was crafted in. Indeed, at the time of reading Lifting Spirits I didn’t have a clue what you may personally be or whether you were personally aro/ace or not and couldn’t make any assumptions either way.

There’s, I guess, two main ways to look at this… the phantom was effectively aroace and there was never any evidence suggesting otherwise. But with blocked emotions removed, it turns out the man is not aroace. You can treat “the phantom” and “Lex” as two separate entities in this regard.

But the phantom didn’t completely lack emotions. If Lex is not aroace… It stands to reason that EVEN IF there never was any evidence to suggest the phantom was anything but aroace, there was still the potential for small, limited amounts of evidence that he wasn’t to occur, even if such a thing did not happen to occur when he was the phantom. Which would make the phantom technically not aroace(?) but he simply never realised that. Hmm.

If there were a blanket consistency – if the phantom had experienced an extremely limited and probably outright warped sense of attraction or something like that – or if Lex was also aroace – then there wouldn’t be any “issue”. But as it is, it’s very easy to derive Unfortunate Implications from how it is set up, wherein the Emotionless Killer is aroace, but then he gets to experience proper emotions and becomes a “real person” who basically gets redeemed as that new person and all of a sudden… Only after becoming a “real” and “proper” human being he experiences attraction. It’s all too easy to feel like perhaps the message is that attraction is an integral part of the human experience – EVERYONE’S human experience.

And the flip that happens between the phantom and Lex in this realm further drove home what I perceived to be the massive distinction being made between the two and helped fuel much of my feelings surrounding what I discussed in the previous post. About how perhaps “the phantom” was being thrown under the bus to set up Lex as the good and better alternative. By treating them as two separate people, the connection is not TOO far away to feel as if the aroace aspect is attached to the phantom as part of what gets “thrown under the bus”, inherently attached to a villain seeing as it does not get carried over, inherently attached to emotionlessness – something necessary to be “cast aside” in order to fully complete a transition into a redeemable and “complete” human being.

I do know that none of this was your intent, and I sensed at the time of reading that it was not the author’s active intent as well, but not having enough background context at the time, I couldn’t entirely dismiss the possibility that perhaps it was a possible unintended predisposition bleeding through – nothing malicious in the least, mind you. But perhaps a subconscious assumption that every human being feels attraction and… idk. I wanted to believe the best of the work and the author but it was just, at the very least, an unintended implication that I could not entirely ignore. Being ace myself, it kinda stung, although I did keep that to a minimum until I could actually have more context.

I’m glad for being able to have access to additional context so that I can enjoy the work as it is to the best extent – if, for example, I did not have access to any information or additional context whatsoever about the author and the background under which the work was crafted in, I wouldn’t have been able to entirely shake the discomfort and it’s something small that would have continued to bug me long after I’d finished reading, if only for the fact that I would never have been able to know for sure if the writer was actually dismissing something like asexuality or not.

And Conflicted Thoughts/Feelings once again because, if we step back for a moment and look at this particular narrative thread as it exists in Lifting Spirits and its conclusion as a whole, I AM happy for Lex, it’s great that he gets to have a love interest, it’s a great ship, and the concept of the former phantom becoming attracted to someone and getting a crush is so so great…

What it ultimately comes down to, is that even if you can read Unfortunate Implications into the text regarding the aroace business, any such implications were not your intent. I much prefer reading a text in the most charitable way possible to enjoy it to the fullest possible extent, so that’s what I’ve ultimately done, given additional background info.

Lifting Spirits, Chapter 8

The complete role reversal of this chapter is so good… For months and months prior to ever beginning to read this series, I’d actually been working on a fanfic of my own, albeit for a different fandom. It also centres around inverted character dynamics and such as the central running theme to the extent that it’s even alluded to in the title… But this… The role reversal or transformation that Lifting Spirits centres around is so… It does it so damn well. Kind of makes me want to hold myself and my own fanfiction to a higher standard.

I had perhaps been a little bit suspicious of Benny prior to this chapter, but not much… And the end of the previous chapter had me VERY much like “OK… SOMETHING’S WRONG HERE… SOMETHING’S WRONG! WHAT IS THIS GUY’S DEAL?!” BUT omg this reveal

Lifting Spirits, Chapter 9

He’s the fourth heir to the lineage of De Killer, which means spilling blood is in his blood. It’s a shame, really, that he can’t stand the sight of it.

This chapter description is just so poetic. It’s like, the chapter description is not really separate from the fic itself – it’s just as artistically intertwined with the text. Absolutely GORGEOUS chapter description.

Oughhhhh Benny’s backstory and just. His whole character and the internal conflicts that he has and EVERYTHING is just so damn compelling WOW!

The glimpses into Benny’s past and home life are such a fascinating look into how vastly different his frame of references are… How very unique his perspective and positioning in the world is.

The Phantom… Benjamin had heard of this man, of course. An international spy. One who was so wanted that his father had been hired by at least five clients.

F-FIVE CLIENTS?! AT LEAST? LEGEND.

Okay this is quite interesting to think about too because I always figured that Shelly would only ever take on one client and have one target at a time, so that he could devote his full attention to the task at hand and uphold his end of the contract – his client has faith in him to do a job and to do a job well, so I figured a single-handed focus would be part of that. Under normal circumstances, this would present no issue. Why would it? Shelly’s very good at his job and tracking down an assigned individual target wouldn’t be too difficult. My impression is that a job would generally take maybe 2-3 weeks from the time of meeting with the client and the deed getting done, unless it’s exceptionally easy and the person in question gets taken out within the week.

But obviously the phantom presents a clear problem to that operational method. Shelly’s left with a target he has little to no leads on, no physical description, no name beyond the title, who could be anywhere and anyone. Job like that’s gonna take a little bit longer than three weeks. But Shelly is nothing if not a professional, and he’s more than happy to honour his client’s wishes if they want this guy dead, and he’s certainly not gonna give up or back down from the request…! I wonder if Shelly was in the habit of taking on multiple clients at the time or if he was forced to break from his standard method of operation, cause if he has no leads he has to wait until one turns up/keep searching indefinitely. And it kinda puts a huge damper on business to not accept any new clients for years on end. Maaaaan not being able to take the phantom out quickly & efficiently must’ve bugged the HELL out of him too. He’s made a commitment to his client, his (first) client is trusting him to take this guy out, and YEARS pass and STILL it hasn’t been done. Wonder what kind of dynamic that would have caused between Shelly and the first client.

I have no real doubt that Shelly actually had enough money to put business on hold for a few years if that’s what it meant to track down the phantom, if he wanted to. But it’s just not practical if he genuinely has 0 leads to go on for months on end, it makes more sense to be doing stuff in the meantime. PLUS, part of it would also be to ensure that the de Killer name does not fall into disuse and remains prominent in the minds of the public. To disappear for years only for calling cards to start showing up again… It just wouldn’t look particularly good for The Brand I suppose? The general public wouldn’t know the reason for the silence.

There’s not only that, but he accepts requests from multiple clients for the same target, hugely increasing his payout for a single job. I would have thought it’s possible that were someone to make a request that’s already been made, Shelly might be like “Ah, actually, you can’t select this particular individual”. And if years have passed with no success it begins to raise questions about the “ethics” of accepting further requests for the same person if part of the payment is being made in advance, which I’m sure it is. But then again – I’m sure there was no doubt in Shelly’s mind that he’d actually get him in the end. The length of time that passed didn’t matter. The job would be done, and he was never going to give up. He had multiple clients depending on him, after all.

I guess every time he got another Phantom request he’d sigh and internally be like “ADD THIS CLIENT TO THE LIST I SUPPOSE…”

Client: I want you to take out the phantom

Shelly, internally: Get in line

Dsjsdjh

Really though I’m very sure that the phantom’s difficulty to track down would have irked Shelly to no end. Not that he would necessarily let such sentiments show externally.

And while I’m speaking about this, I guess I will also address Benny being his son here as well. My reaction REALLY was “HIS FATHER??? HIS FATHER????”

I’ve never played DGS and I know there’s de Killer stuff going on in those game(s) and I don’t know if any light is shed in that series on how the lineage works – hm! It’s interesting to think about. One of the theories I’ve seen proposed is that the new de Killer establishes themselves as such by successfully taking out the previous de Killer – no familial relation. That has logistical issues of its own however but it was kind of the default idea that I’d gone with as I hadn’t really seen any others discussed.

Shelly’s unique job and his intense dedication to said job makes it very VERY hard for me to picture him not only establishing a relationship with someone but also fathering a child with someone… It’s quite hard for me to picture how it would work. How it would look in practice. And of course, in the Benny flashbacks, there is no mention of a mother. So I was a little bit like ????? on that front. And then you get the reveal practically at the VERY end of the fic that Benny is adopted, which makes plenty of sense. It is hard for me to picture Shelly as a father but I CAN see him adopting, caring for and raising an adopted child. A child that is to continue the proud de Killer heritage.

THE FACT THAT SOMEONE GOT MISTAKENLY SHOT BECAUSE THEY WERE ASSUMED TO BE THE PHANTOM BUT WEREN’T… OOF. Hope Shelly didn’t prematurely celebrate on that one. He might’ve already enlisted three clients wanting the phantom gone by that point and thought that he could FINALLY collect the rest of whatever money they owed him from them – that he could FINALLY reassure them that the guy was finally flippin’ DEAD. Perhaps only for the phantom to show up AGAIN some time later. (Shelly doing refunds? Dsjksdkj). Ok but on a serious note – I know he would’ve probably known it was not the phantom either immediately after/soon after the guy was shot. There’s things like No Mask and whatnot and probably the aftermath would have made it obvious it was the wrong person without the phantom needing to show up on Shelly’s radar once again. But OOF.

In March, a man had come to see Ben ‘Benny’ Volent, seeking counseling. A man who bore the name of Bobby Fulbright.

WHEN THIS REALISATION HIT ME… OH MY GOD? OH MY GOD? BOBBY FULBRIGHT HAD BEEN UNLOADING THE TRAUMA OF WHAT HE SAW… ONTO THE SON OF THE VICTIM! I CANNOT. THAT IS… NOT GOOD. Being so close to the murder victim can compromise the therapist’s ability to assist the patient at hand, so… conflict of interest! Benny had to sit there and listen to recounts that would have deepened his OWN pain. Bro I am SO sorry. WHAT a punch this was.

Agent Lang had mentioned a move to the federal prison right in front of Benny.

NO JOKE but back when that scene originally occurred I was just like “UMM should they REALLY be discussing this while the therapist is there?” Because I had found Benny to be a LITTLE bit potentially suspicious and. Hmm!

OKAY THE FUNNIEST PART – OR RATHER – THE MOST WACK PART OF THIS ENTIRE SITUATION IS JUST HOW MANY LEVELS OF “CROSSES THE LINE TWICE” IT IS.

Like. The realisations started pouring in for me, one after the other. First it was like “um, Benny counselling Bobby considering the circumstances is a conflict of interest that can potentially compromise his ability to remain objective and properly assist Bobby’s recovery”. THEN, hilariously enough, I was like “UM, IT IS HIGHLY UNPROFESSIONAL FOR BENNY TO ACT AS LEX’S THERAPIST – EXTREME CONFLICT OF INTEREST SEEING AS THE PHANTOM KILLED BENNY’S FATHER AND YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED PERSONAL BIASES TO GET IN THE WAY WITH HOW YOU SEE THE PATIENT”. This was coupled with how… awkward I found it earlier on for Bobby to even suggest, however jokingly, to Lex that Benny was single – how iffy it was for Lex to have developed feelings for Benny (cause if you got feelings for ur therapist that’s bad news for the therapy and Lex even seems to know this) or the possibility that perhaps it was on some level reciprocated, which would be highly unprofessional and further detrimental to the therapist-patient relationship.

BUT THEN I REALISED THIS WAS ALL MOOT AND COMPLETELY BLOWN OUT OF THE WATER ALL BY:

BENNY WAS TRYING TO KILL LEX THE WHOLE TIME ANYWAY.

So LITERALLY WHO CARES about conflict of interest or “professional conduct” here, I’M PRETTY SURE IT IS NOT IN THE LINE OF A THERAPIST’S WORK TO BE ACTIVELY TRYING TO KILL YOUR PATIENT.

And all I could do was laugh. This is the kind of crosses-the-line-twice funny, there’s just SUCH a cluster of professional breaches going on that it is OFF THE CHARTS and loops back around to being hilarious. You can’t even criticise ANYTHING specific about Benny’s conduct, there’s no point, because it is so BLATANTLY and obviously out of line, professionally and legally speaking, in its ENTIRETY. And then you realise his credentials were faked to begin with too, even though he’s genuinely studied the profession and is good at what he does. He’s walking around with faked qualifications ANYWAY.

Lex and Benny’s patient-therapist dynamic was stuffed to HIGH hell, inherently, far before it ever began. It was already compromised beyond belief. THE GUY’S QUALIFICATIONS AREN’T EVEN 100% LEGIT… >failed step one. It is SO wild and subsequently funny as a result. Benny got built up as such a good therapist too, and don’t get me wrong, he does seem to actually be good at what he does as I said. But then you go ahead and reveal all of this about him and it’s sooo… omg

Lifting Spirits, Chapter 10

Simon was about to turn away when he thought he saw it. Just for a fraction of a second. Were Alexander’s lips about to quirk into a victorious smirk? …No, that was ridiculous.

OOOHH MY GOOOOOD I HAD TOTALLY FORGOTTEN ABOUT THIS I SWEAR TO GOD………… I swear to god. Acting skills WAY too strong. He’s still got it. This man is way too powerful/skilled for his own good I swear to god.

Yes, he successfully got Benny to leave and he got out of the ordeal of being held at gunpoint unscathed. But he still had been terrified when going through that. Regardless of how things turned out it makes sense for Lex to be in shock and still be working out some of that fear. Because he HAD been genuinely terrified. And I wouldn’t be surprised if he is genuinely a little in shock during this scene but oh my god.. Because it makes sense for him to still be jittery and then I just. LEX. KINDA HATE THAT I MAYBE GOT A LITTLE WORRIED BECAUSE STILL BEING SHAKEN MAKES SENSE BUT ALSO CONFUSED AT THE EXTENT. On first and second readthrough.

Can’t really say too much else about this chapter right now it’s just sooo intense and riveting gosh.

For a split second, it seemed like Fulbright was so overcome with emotion he might try to pull Alexander into a hug as well. Luckily, Lang cleared his throat in such a loud manner that it was obvious he did so on purpose.

LANG HOW COULD YOU. “LUCKILY” MY FOOT.

Lifting Spirits, Chapter 11

His license was most likely a fake. Would any report compiled by him be worth a damn? And to think, Bobby Fulbright had spoken so highly of him.

WAIT I WAS ONLY JUST SAYING THIS EARLIER SDKSDKNS

Hey. I obviously knew this Mirage scene was coming this time around and yet it managed to somehow sneak up on me anyway. When I got up to it and read through it I just outright started crying. I did not cry on the first readthrough, I was completely dry-eyed. I GOT SUPER ATTACHED TO AND MORE EMOTIONAL OVER MIRAGE ON MY SECOND READTHROUGH OF THIS SERIES FOR A REASON.

Oh, something else that struck me on first readthrough about this scene was… The phantom always EASILY felt to me the far more “bad” person compared to Mirage. When compared to the phantom, Mirage always felt… well, it was easy for me to forget that she’s also done terrible things, that she’s also a criminal. She naturally just seemed like the waay better person – with SOME amount of a moral compass. So it was odd to suddenly have her being in the same room as Lex, no longer being contrasted against the phantom, but contrasted against Lex instead… Lex seems to actually have a much more proper moral compass compared to her now. He’s actually filled with remorse and regrets.

Mirage… still chose to kill people. She’s still herself, and that self is someone who didn’t have a bone sliver preventing her from understanding how much of a powerful impact death can have. It was odd… Lex knows internally how bad killing people is now. Mirage most likely still doesn’t really know… not only that, but… he would know that she doesn’t? I don’t know how to explain what I’m getting at here, but yeah.

Also:

“Why did you ask to see me?” he found himself asking. “…Why do you care?” She giggled, the sound of it rather strained. “Because we’re friends, you idiot.” “We’re not…-”

Me:

“You’d better pray the Phantom’s retrial leads to the death penalty. I’m being released next year, but I wouldn’t mind being tossed right back in here if it means I got to strangle Metis’s killer with these two hands.”

…N-NEXT YEAR?! BUT THAT’S… SO SOON… SOONER THAN I… THOUGHT… I FIGURED SHE HAD LIKE… MAYBE ANOTHER TWO YEARS LEFT… I DIDN’T REMEMBER HER SAYING IT’S NEXT YEAR.

[Thinks about this line and then Tracking Ghosts]

Oh my god… Can it PLEASE at least be the second half of the year I’m dying here… Like I KNEW she had to be released from prison eventually and. Yeah. I JUST THOUGHT WE HAD MORE TIME.

You know what’s funny? This line 100% didn’t faze me on first readthrough. Ahahaha. Why should it have? “You’d better pray the Phantom’s retrial leads to the death penalty” was, after all, my own train of thought at the time… HDHDFH. I was just kinda [nods] “at least someone around here’s got the right idea.” …AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

You completely missed me on the first go, but second time’s a charm. Ya got me. Ya got me with this line this time around. I am worried. :’)

#long post

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lizzybeth1986 · 6 years ago

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Why I Won't Be Interested In Book 3 of RCD (even if there's a wedding...and I'm a sucker for weddings)

Book 1 was okay for me as a start to the universe. I was disappointed in the lack of balance between the LIs, and the poor treatment Victoria got, but I was hoping Book 2 would be a step towards rectifying that and keeping a better balance.

Then we got the note at the beginning of the book that it would deal with "issues of harassment and discrimination". Weinstein? I thought. And I was half hopeful, half nervous. Hopeful because this book was about the film industry, particularly Hollywood, and the writers looked like they wanted to address that. Half nervous because I knew when that moment came a part of me could find it triggering. In any case, I was ready to read this book and see how it would play out.

Some things it did right. Content warnings were given - both at the beginning of the book and in the chapter where Viktor Montmartre attempts to assault the MC. Her friends/LI came to her support immediately and the 30-diamond scene that followed was sensitive in the light of that situation, and had the LIs share experiences of discrimination inside/outside the industry. Teja talks to you about the "boys' club" among directors, Victoria tells you about the constant sexual harassment she faced from a co-star who she had to wait years to expose, Seth has a rare moment of projecting his pain from years of bullying on the MC when he insists she immediately do something about it before apologizing and opening up to her, Matt speaks not about his own experiences but the discrimination his father faced during his early years as a Latino actor struggling to get good roles.

So what do I have a problem with? Two things. I'll start with the thing that pissed me off - but not as much as the second one did:

The LIs

No one who has played this series is a stranger to the imbalance when it comes to Matt Rodriguez in comparison to the other three: Teja, Victoria and Seth, first from Book 1. Matt gets the lion's share of the attention and narrative space, Seth and Teja disappear for chapters at a time, as does Victoria who has to deal with writing that does her character a complete disservice, to the point where the writers thought nothing of letting her physically attack the MC. The latter could also only be allowed into the film via diamonds unlike Matt and Teja who you could forgive and kiss for free. There was enough backlash to force the team to change dialogues in the book...which meant a better balance of content per LI the next book, right?

Cut to Book 2, where Matt still gets the lion's share among the original lineup, the other three still get guest appearances in this story at best, and Victoria is still hardly around. Only difference is this time Seth and Teja are made to act like squabbling toddlers instead of the professionals they were in the first book. Added to this is the inclusion of the HWU-alumni LI Hunt (you could have a moment with Addison but that is all you get, and you don't get to do much with her in the finale either. I guess we'll only know if she'll be an LI for sure next book).

While it's great that they're there, it was still at the cost of the other LIs. These two haven't gotten many diamond scenes in this book, which I put down to the timing of their own arcs (Addison gets just one prominent diamond scene really, and Hunt gets a few - including two in the finale). So I'd like to look at the original lineup, to see if they'd gotten better treatment this book:

Matt: Very prominent in the story from the beginning. He gets extra time with the MC in an early chapter so he can tell her in secret that he's part of the same film. He is in the cast of Double Agent with her. She interacts with him regularly and gets multiple diamond options, including that of sharing a room with him, practicing fight scenes, taking him to the hospital and eventually sharing with him (for free) her news about The Last Duchess. The MC's decision to call out Montmartre on safety violations on the set emerges from the horrendous injuries Matt sustains while shooting for Double Agent. He is the catalyst for why she disobeys despite her initial plans and eventually gets fired. He has more opportunities and overall - even without the diamond options - seems closer to her than everyone else in the book by default.

Victoria: While they've toned down the aggressiveness they gave her in Book 1, and made her a lot more approachable, they go the other extreme of hardly showing Victoria at all. The MC is involved least in her storyline (where she is working on an interesting crime film called The Godmother) and there's very little you get to know about the movie or what she's doing otherwise. The only plus side is that she is the one who relates most to the MC's plight, having experienced sexual harassment from a co-star in the film Cross to Bear, and having had her grievances brushed aside because of how powerful the actor was. She also speaks of the MC as being brave for leaking out the news about safety violations in her NY diamond scene, and gets to lay it down to you exactly how tough it is. While the little content we do get is...nice, it doesn't make up for the horrible treatment meted out to this character in Book 1, and it doesn't try much to provide her the nuance she deserves.

Seth and Teja: I don't want to club these two together - them being my favourite LIs, both unique and amazing in their own right - but the book leaves me no choice. Both are done pretty dirty in RCD 2, and in some sense I feel like they've gotten the worst writing this book. They have an advantage in that the MC is involved in the making of their film, and she gets to meet them here and there in the series. However most of her free time with them is spent having to watch in horror as they fight and bicker and push forward their own visions without reaching a compromise. Eventually, their 'solution' seems to be a result of the MC handholding the two into solving a puzzle together.

Why do I think this is the worst writing/treatment that could be given for the two when they are being given some attention? Because their portrayal for most of this book does nothing to improve/build on what was already there, but completely against how their characters were built instead, in ways that can make people lose interest in them overall.

The Seth of Book 1 received his first blow in Hollywood when his amazing script was rejected, but dusted himself off and found alternatives instead. This has been a recurring theme with him. Even when his standup career experiences a setback in the series, he is quick to recognize on his own that his succumbing to that negativity is not going to help him, and with or without the MC he tries again. When she is accused by practically everyone of being a leaker, he is the one who looks out for her and reminds her of the lesson she taught him. The Seth of Book 2 doesn't try to diffuse the tense atmosphere, doesn't try to find middle ground. The character as he was originally portrayed would be glad he's this involved in the film. If anything, he would try and work things out with Teja, and come up with a solution that does justice to both their visions.

Teja in Book 1 was an overworked, underappreciated assistant director, who at different times was either treated like a servant to do Marcus' every bidding, or a talented protege who had to make up for her boss' inadequacies by holding everything together and making sense of his 'vision', and who later on does a brilliant job as a director. Teja knows what it's like to not be listened to, to be treated like her opinion is nothing compared to the director's "grand vision". She knows what it feels like to be not valued much on the set or outside of it, and they seem to remember this briefly in her diamond scene after the assault, where she speaks about a "boys' club" of directors that won't take her seriously. I could understand some level of aggression as a way to maintain her control over this project, but I simply do not see her allowing her petty squabble with Seth ruin her film. No one is as aware as she is that a good working environment is essential to a successful film, but here she is contributing to the overall negative atmosphere. They're hardly the same person, the Teja of both these books.

Most of all, the writing does them an incredible disservice by having their argument take precedence in their stories over the MC's plight most of the time, have them focus on themselves more than they would on how she's doing. Are we even talking about the same people anymore?? Seth was the MC's fiercest supporter when she was being accused of the leak. Teja, even in her anger, thought logically as soon as she got the call from Matt's agent and spent her time trying to confirm that it was him before speaking to the MC first, for fear that he would find out and do worse. Do you really think these same people would drag this friend/girlfriend of theirs into their petty fights, not work out a solution themselves and not keep in mind what she's been through? Would they really be so self-absorbed that they wouldn't stop bitching behind each others' backs and taking breaks from each other, to actually think about her? To the extent that she'd have to handhold them into finding a solution to their conflict? Seriously??

It was an acceptable premise destroyed by shitty writing. The problems that arise when friends work together professionally, the tussle between two visions for the same project. But both these characters are largely proactive people. They take initiative to make a difference in the atmosphere of the workplace if something is wrong. The Seth and Teja of Book 1 would have at some point (earlier) sat down and tried to work things out themselves. They would have been honest with each other and tried to see a way to combine their visions into something that made sense. And they wouldn't need to be pushed into that process: they would take initiative themselves.

Most of all, they would not look at a woman who had been through a traumatizing situation, and think oh, lemme just bitch all day about the other friend to her. They would try and make things better for her. They would try to put her first. So while Victoria struggles with being pushed aside in the story, Teja and Seth have to deal with characterization that seems to have been written by a team that doesn't even know their characters.

All in all, the only LI that actually gets adequate attention from the original set is Matt. It's extremely unfair on fans of the others, and it's quite deflating to learn that they didn't learn their mistake from Book 1 and actually work on maintaining balance in Book 2.

Book 3 implies that a wedding is in the horizon (which is possibly why the [original] LIs get to confess their love to her in the Book 2 finale), which means we might get to meet the LIs' families (I'm not going to hope, though) and learn more about them personally. (alternatively it could more likely refer to some other high profile couple with a big wedding where we get to shine as guests). They've also seemed to find people who want them in their work. So perhaps things might look up for them. But this book? This book seems to have forgotten how to write them.

At this point they might as well scrap everyone else and make Hunt and Matt the only LIs in the books. Because they're the only ones who seem to even matter anymore to the team. And inform the fandom now so we can dodge the bullet that is Book 3.

Is This A Powerful Message...Or A Plot Twist?

The book doesn't treat what Montmartre did so much as an issue that happens in real-time Hollywood, as it does a plot point. It happens, the player gets to choose how the MC responds and how she describes her feelings to her friend and LI, there is a plan in place aimed at exposing him and tactics Montmartre uses to disempower her, which finally leads you...nowhere.

The narrative never actually gives us a clear idea what this plan is supposed to be, what the MC is supposed to find, how the LIs who suggest this plan are involved. We're just supposed to know there IS a plan. Had the safety violations not been discovered, what would the MC have done? All we get to see is her in dire conditions (unless we spend the diamonds), determined to push through because she would somehow thwart him through means that the reader doesn't actually seem to get from the text.

Once she gets out, the focus goes on to Hunt who - if the reader so chooses - has already had some sort of moment with the MC in the speakeasy earlier in the book, and who is now her knight in shining armour when she's fired. The MC gets to act in his period film on the condition that it is kept secret (something she promptly forgets when she visits Matt in the hospital) and the focus shifts from the assault (if there was any focus there at all) and the aftermath to landing this plum role and proving herself again.

Hunt and the MC can get closer if she chooses, and some affection is already hinted at in the books even if you don't really romance him. Which can be discomfiting for those who don't want to, and who feel it's too much too soon for someone who faced assault already from an authority figure. I understand there's a balance they have to strike here - there was, after all, a demand for characters from the HWU-verse to be featured more prominently - but the fact that what the MC went through pales in comparison to this new development in the narrative...just makes the story even more imbalanced.

She does mention the assault to both Hunt and Addison - to Hunt when he confirms that she is no longer working in Double Agent and to Addison in their Chapter 12 diamond scene, but not very much of a thought is given to this issue after that. The focus moves entirely to the preparation for the film, the romance with the new LIs, and keeping these shoots a secret while occasionally communicating (through diamond options mostly) with the other LIs.

There is no indication that she's met other people who have suffered through Montmartre's abuse of power, no further exploration of how deeply-rooted a problem it is. And if you're going to make Montmartre's story a reference to Weinstein...it needs to be important within that story, not occasionally referenced to, with the MC saying "I'm sure other women have gone through this" in a few scattered places. It needs to have a stronger presence in the story itself.

And if this was avoided because RCD was supposed to be a 'fun, lighthearted' take on Hollywood in the first place...why put in a heavy subject there? Why imply that you will offer commentary on this issue when there is very little of it? Why, if you don't know how to give it the focus it needs? It doesn't need to be referenced every single chapter but at the very least it should be clear how important an issue this is to the MC, her friends, the industry as a whole. It goes straight from Montmartre's sexual harassment to his attempts to bully her into silence to calling out safety violations to the next movie.

Sexual harassment and silencing are very, very important issues within the film industry. If you're going to reference real-life incidents and movements in the books, you really need to be doing justice to that - not flitting from one plot point to another and treating what Montmartre did as a mere twist in the tale. The story doesn't need to be on this and nothing else, but what happened to her and to other women should have at least have been the core theme of this book. Not brought back at the last minute when the writers finally remember "oh this needs to be wrapped up, too".

The big message is suddenly left for the end, the Montmartre chapter closed with the press immediately believing the MC on this, Apricott standing by her strongly if you spent extra time with her (and in a general sense if you didn't), and Montmartre getting only a taste of the comeuppance he deserves. Most of us know this is too good to be true - it often takes years and a long line of survivors, and people who knowingly look the other way to get to this point of justice. But I would have been alright to this end, to a certain extent, if this was a theme dealt with properly in the book...which it wasn't.

Book 3

Had I not lost interest in this series altogether, I would have probably listed out what I'd hope for in terms of portrayals for the next book - the biggest of which was that they would at least hint at how differently the industry works for different women of colour.

A white woman's experience is different from an Asian woman's experience is different from a Black woman's experience is different from a Latin American/South Asian/Middle Eastern (all three of whom face massive challenges in accepting roles unique to them) woman's experience in the industry. At least three of those would face immense difficulties in getting consistently good work, are called in for roles that are stereotypical and tone deaf and do nothing for their careers...and sometimes good roles of those ethnicities are given to (surprise surprise) white performers. I recall thinking, once D&D and The Senior started regularly using different parents for the MCs and hinting at their variant experiences with regards to race and ethnicity, that this would be a wonderful way to go for RCD.

But I'm not sure I trust this team enough to handle that with the nuance required. Not even when their own original LIs - two of whom are women of colour - don't get to address racism in their own narratives (unless it's Matt, who has a secondhand experience of it through his father - something he will only address in diamond scenes). Not when Teja has just one reference to her first generation immigrant parents and their plans for her in a diamond scene, and her experiences as a Indian-American kid are mostly ignored afterwards.

Tbh...I don't give a shit anymore when the next one comes out.

#red carpet diaries #matt rodriguez #victoria fontaine #seth levine #teja desai #the clusterfuck that is this entire book

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hanasaku-shijin · 8 years ago

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Okay I’ve been wanting to make a post like this for a while now but I finally kicked my own ass into gear so here it is. Took me several days to compile it all and finish, but Neon deserves it.

For @theneonflower and all of their incredible art ♥

I know Neon does plenty more art other than Dianakko but that is my otp and usually the ones I look at and obsess over the most. Nearly every night before bed for the past 5 months since LWA came out and since I met Neon, I’ve been looking at their art to help myself fall asleep. I always end up spending like 10-20 minutes just looking through it because it makes me feel so soft and happy inside ;w;

Something I’ve always done with art is I’ll stare at a single piece for like 5 minutes straight just tracing it with my eyes, trying to absorb every piece of it, trying to appreciate it as much as humanly possible. Because I know someone spent time and energy on this and stressed about it for probably hours and I don’t just wanna glance at it for 20 seconds and be done. I wanna try to put some time into appreciating it for all the trouble the artist went through.

Neon’s is probably the only art I’ve done this for with every single piece. It probably sounds weird that I just stare at art, but I love it. I feel it’s all I can really do to appreciate the pieces. Well, that, and I can scream in the tags and make posts like these!

So I’m gonna be going back through my Neon_art tag from the beginning, linking and sharing every Dianakko piece and explaining just why I love it so much. Other people should totally follow the links and reblog pieces they haven’t seen before. And even if you have seen/reblogged it before it is not a crime to reblog something more than twice, give it some extra exposure and notes. Don’t be scared to reblog the same post/artwork twice if you want to!

All righty here we go!

This one the first Dianakko piece I reblogged from Neon ever! Diana and Akko on a secret date. I love this one because it’s so simple but yet still so beautiful. It really shows that art can be lovely whether its got 8 million details and colors and shadings or just done with the right amount of everything - just what’s necessary, nothing extravagant. I’m a sucker for my girls in casual clothes but I especially love their expressions in this piece - Akko’s YOURE REALLY PRETTY excited face to Diana’s bashful face. And then the humor with the reactions of their nerd friends disguised and reacting to it all. And the hand touch. Starting with a small small pinky brushing, and then full-on hand-holding. So soft. So gentle. So nice. And Akko’s just so goddamn happy. UGH.

Next is Part 1 of the Sorcerer comic. Ho damn. This was before I really even knew Neon well, but I saw a badass dragon with Dianakko and I was hooked. It’s just done so well, the shading, the glowing of his eyes, and just his creepy, bony inky design in general. And Diana not even flinching in front of him. It captures her character perfectly, her confidence. Neon’s a pro at doing suspense in drawing form. The way Akko hurries in and Diana isn’t looking at her at first but then turns. You can just TELL something is going to happen and it does. That dribble of blood on her lips is all we need. And god the look in her eyes. It isn’t excessive terror, no, it’s just that dazed kind of shock, confusion. Like, she hasn’t even felt the blow yet, it just sort of happened and now there’s blood in her lungs. And the last panel just leaves you screaming like how fucking masterful is this.

Part 2 now god GOD when I say you can feel her being impaled I mean you can FEEL IT. You can tell his tail is sort of locked in place in her chest, that he’s keeping it there for a little longer than he has to just because he’s a giant asshole. And when he yanks it out you can feel that too. The way the blood spurts out and follows the direction of his tail really shows the force of it. And even despite all of this, Diana is STILL trying to put up a front/show a strong face. You can see the desperation in Akko’s eyes, you can almost hear her crying, and Diana’s just so numb with pain she’s beyond feeling. We don’t even need dialogue - we know exactly what they’re saying to one another. I’ve never seen art accomplish that feat quite so effectively before. And the ending panel, reflecting the one before it with Akko’s name and the seven stars. Do half the people looking at this art even appreciate those small details/shoutouts to the canon? I doubt it. And it’s a damn SHAME.

Next up was this request I never thought an art god like Neon would ever accept from lil old me, a person they didn’t even really KNOW at the time. Another fine example of how art doesn’t need tons of color to be beautiful. Neon is an expert with blue in particular. It’s such a cold color but not in Neon’s hands. It portrays darkness of night but not cold. I don’t feel chilly looking at this piece. I just feel so warm. Their embrace is so tight and intimate, you can just see the blushes on their faces. But even in a darker piece like this where some artists might use the lack of lighting as an excuse for lack of detail - not Neon. There’s still every wrinkle in their clothing, every shadow, every ruffled blanket and wave in their hair, the way Akko’s shirt crumples up a little at the small of her back and that small, secretive, admiring look she gives Diana. I might as well be dead.

This one more bedtime cuddles and kisses! But notice how none of these are ever the same with Neon. No matter how many kisses or cuddles they draw, each one is always different and just as beautiful as the one before it in different ways. Akko and Diana aren’t as closely-pressed as they are in the one before it. It’s just the bare minimum of contact in their hands, and where their legs touch, and then their lips. All very small but significant points of contact. And I just love how Diana curls her legs around Akko’s back. Just a bit of light coming in from a window we can’t see but know that’s there. It’s just the amount of light we need. Perfect.

A beautiful colorless comic next! Their poses match their dialogue so well and again with the DETAILS. You can tell how badly they’ve missed each other even when they aren’t looking at each other. And then when they DO, upside-down, hair touching so close they can feel each others’ breaths, so intimate so soft, so playful. And then the kiss, how Akko reaches up her arm to pull Diana down and the way Diana curls her arm around the side of her neck. The pose of Akko lying on top of Diana hugging her with her feet kicking happily in the air is probably one of my favorite things ever. She just looks like a happy little puppy. And Neon never fails to give Akko bedhead that adheres to her usual hair. There’s always a tuft where her ponytail is and I haven’t seen that in any other art for LWA that involve Akko in her pjs/with her hair down. It’s something totally unique to Neon in my book.

The wedding spell comic is so beautiful. Akko’s maids of honor trying to reassure her. Their expressions are all so cute (and then there’s Sucy being Sucy) but Akko’s nervous pose and Lotte’s reassuring hand on her shoulder is so cute. And then the blue team aspect with Hannah and Barbara with the little hand-wave motion they did in canon like how perfect is that little detail? I can really feel Akko’s nervousness in the next few panels and the darkness really helps that too. You feel like you’re the one about to cast this super emotional marriage spell that could potentially fall through and break your heart. And then when they finally get to look at each other and suddenly you can breathe a little easier like ‘okay at least they’re not alone in this at least they have each other’. Also just the slight differences in their wands is so nice. And then they’re holding hands so softly but also concentrating on this super difficult super stressful spell. They just both look so gorgeous in this shot oh my gosh I love it. And the lighting comes in again, I swear to god Neon with their lighting techniques. Super bright on super dark really gives it that lively magical feeling. And you can see the rings being linked and you can essentially hear the emotion in their voices when they say each other’s names like when was the last time a comic made you HEAR something?? But GOD when they hold hands and rests their foreheads together look at the lighting and the tears in their eyes look how soft and tender it is. This is even better than a wedding kiss at this point because they’re both just so relieved the spell succeeded (the kisses can come later) but I absolutely love the forehead touch.

The wedding pic holy shit. I still can’t believe there are only?? 4 colors in this? Peach brown blue and white and yet??? It’s more gorgeous than most other pieces of art that use 9000 colors. It’s the lighting, the glow, the contrast between light and dark. The way the magic swirls around them, bright and soft. It really flows. There’s so much motion in a still piece. You can FEEL the love between them even without the adorable magic hearts in the background. And god have you seen their dresses? They aren’t both wearing the same generic white wedding dress. Neon goes a step beyond and adds in swirls, thinner or thicker materials, gloves, but makes sure to keep them open-back, because GOD are Akko’s and Diana’s backs important in this Au. The fact that their matching scars are exposed on their wedding night just really says something to me. And holy hell the shine in their hair. You can see every strand. It’s beyond me how that is even POSSIBLE.

After their reunion lord they’ve been apart for 3 goddamn YEARS and look at how they’re looking at each other, like they’re trying to make up for all those 3 years when they couldn’t. As if the tears and the smiles don’t say enough, look at how they hold one another. This is another thing I love about Neon’s romantic pieces. The characters always hold each other’s faces, cradle their heads, hold their hands, hug their backs and sides, but it’s rarely the same in any two pieces. And in this one they’re touching foreheads, and the way Akko’s bangs fluff up and overlap Diana’s is such an eye-catching detail for me. And then the lineart of the kiss. Again, the detail especially in their hair and especially Akko’s. The way their hair slips through the others’ fingers. Shoot me.

Oh my god this one. Okay I need to get my shit together. We get everything we need and nothing we don’t. Just bits and pieces of the memories and the nightmare. You can feel the impact of Akko getting hit in the back. But my favorite panel in terms of emotion is definitely the one of Diana waking up from it all. You just know exactly how that feels. Everyone knows exactly how that feels. The way she’s jolted up in bed, hunching forward, gasping, and the tiny detail of one knee bent higher than the other to show she’s curling in on herself. I love this shot so much. But of course my favorite are the final ones because Akko is there to help her. Neon always has their marital rings glowing so they stand out in darkness. Simply the shot of Akko’s hand on Diana’s shoulder is again, so simple but so, so telling. It’s gentle but firm. And the look on her face as she kisses Diana. She’s upset that Diana suffered that nightmare. You can tell Akko is sad that she couldn’t save Diana from that. But she’s so gentle, that kiss is so small, just enough to coax Diana back into reality. And of COURSE the happy hug to finish it off. You know Akko needs that just as badly as Diana does.

The art for Pink Potion is next up aaaaaaah Neon drew for my fic out of pure enjoyment of it and I literally could not be happier. I still look back on this and just get so giddy. It’s so cute. Simple coloring to match the lighthearted tone of the fic. And bunny Akko is exactly as I’d imagined her. I didn’t mention the tips of her ears in my fic but Neon still somehow knew they were black and nailed that detail. The kiss is too adorable, the way Diana blushes and Akko scrunches her little bunny nose. And their faces when Akko turns back. Neon does suspense/angst/serious so well but I LOVE how they do cute/funny expressions like this. And their noses still touching aahh~

The dance dresses are just. So fucking gorgeous. Full color and all the right colors, so many details. This is literally a scene straight out of the show that we never got. I love the ruffles in Akko’s dress and the lack of them in Diana’s - kinda speaks to their personalities, though it’s more likely just the material. Neon has such a beautiful way of blending blushes with the skin ton and it really shows in a full-color piece like this one. I especially love how fluffy Diana’s hair is and how Akko’s hand is just gently resting there on the nape of her neck while their other hands are entwined. And god, the way Diana is looking at her. I know this scenario is part of the “We shouldn’t be doing this” idea, and that just makes you think twice about this happy colorful image. Akko’s wondering why she’s apologizing. But of course she soon realizes...

The continuation comic is probably one of my favorites (I... might be saying that about like 90% of these though...oops) Okay but the colors for this one, especially right after that full-color piece. It works so well. Their illusion of perfection is shattered by reality and the fact that people are in fact watching them disapprovingly. Before they realize that, they’re just so infatuated with each other, so happy to forget the rest of the world. The softness of that kiss followed so abruptly by the shock and dismay in their faces. And god the way Akko looks to the others and they just look back at her not really knowing what to do or say. Lotte and Sucy give her looks that just say “I’m so sorry, I don’t know what to do for you, I wish I could do something but I don’t know what” because Akko did just blow hers and Diana’s ‘cover’. And then the crying over the forced smile right before she runs. Neon doesn’t put the dialogue for suspenseful comics in the same image as the pictures like they do with cuter simpler lighthearted pieces. They make a whole new panel with nothing else to focus on, just that despair in those words. And this next part out in the rain. This might be the only time Neon makes blue feel cold because god poor Akko is out there alone and waterlogged and she doesn’t even care. Her tears are highlighted on her hands which I really like. The shot of Diana finally reaching her and just gently reaching her hand out. She doesn’t even touch her right away so she doesn’t scare her. And the hug. One of my favorite Dianakko hugs to-date. Diana even casts a barrier from the rain. That’s just such a good detail I feel, again, other artists might not think/bother to add in. As if the hug itself isn’t perfect enough in its desperation and earnestness, there are just tiny little details Neon puts in. How Akko lifts her arm but doesn’t exactly hug back, how there’s a drop of rain coming off her ponytail, how her hair fluffs up after Diana’s arms press down on it higher up, and the way Diana’s arms lock around her. Hugs are risky because we often will only see one character’s face/expression in a single panel, so the artist has to chose who to show. Neon always chooses the most poignant option - the person we need to see. We can tell by Diana’s calm manner of standing and reaching out what her expression looks like without needing to be shown explicitly. It’s Akko we need to see in that hug. And then for her to return the hug, to accept Diana, to bury her face in her shoulder... I love this so so much. For them to go from scared and separate to comfortable and close. From darkness and loneliness to having a bit of light and hope. And somehow once again making blue feel warm, even though it was just cold 3 panels earlier. How?? I don’t know, but somehow Neon does it.

Next is a marriage proposal one aaaah gosh how cute. This is one of those where they’re still students but a bit older than they are in canon. Especially in the first panel their expressions are so perfect, blushy cute nervous Akko and calm confident Diana. The colors are so warm and pleasant and the way Diana cups Akko’s face when she answers is so sweet, making sure Akko’s looking her in the eyes. But gosh that kiss how Akko literally just wraps her arms around Diana like with the one cradling the back of her head and the other just draped out over her shoulder and Diana holding her face GOSH I love this pose. It really encompasses the desperation they’ve been suffering from all this time to be together, and the relief that they finally can be. And just the way their bodies are pressed so close together is so nice because you know they’ve been kinda holding back until now but they don’t have to anymore.

Okay this. This is a biased personal fav. Oh god. There’s a reason this was my phone background for several months cause it’s just so goddamn beautiful. Neon draws any and every outfit so perfectly but these dresses I swear to god. This piece in particular looks so clean and simple with a lack of color, which makes you focus more on the girls and what they’re wearing and what they’re doing. I’m in love with Akko’s dress in the first part, the ruffles of her sleeve and the loose way it falls down her back, and how Diana’s cupping her cheek really softly. And just the very subtle, very soft blushes fanning out across their faces and shoulders. Just the perfect touch of the perfect color. And then we get even more angles of it from behind Akko where we get to see her gorgeous flowy hair with the ribbon and cute accessories, and Diana gently holding to both of her shoulders. Then how they just very slowly, very slightly open their eyes to look at each other and you can tell they’re both just a little bit breathless but not enough to stop them from doing it again. And another kiss to finish things (and me) off. God I love these so much. They’re so simply but so easy and nice to look at.

Next is cuddles and oh my god just that first one of Diana hugging Akko and resting her head on her chest to listen to her heartbeat look at how happy she is. Just hugging Akko around the back and nestling so close to her, as close as possible. And Akko’s just in heaven getting to hold her wife and rest her chin on her head. Another example of Neon’s amazing usage of blue and shades. Their hair is so soft and fluffy and bed-heady-ish. And the next part would you look at how Diana looks at Akko. I love Neon’s technique of just putting a bit of light in their eyes whenever they’re in a dark scene. Just the eyes and the rings cuz that’s all we need. There’s so much emotion in their faces and in how they touch each other. Diana’s so happy she looks like she’s about to cry. They look at each other like they’re the most precious thing in the world (because they are, to each other). Look at that kiss, very soft but firm, and just a faint glow in Akko’s ring to remind us they are married, putting her hand around Diana’s head to bring her closer. And god the breathless last panel when they’re just all over each other, Diana’s sprawled out on top of her and Akko’s never been warmer in her life. Again with that half-lidded look they give one another. Neon even put a glow for right where Diana’s ring is, even though it’s not shown. The attention to detail again.

The art for Matters of the Heart ch1, our first big project together I still can’t believe Neon did this with me god. Akko’s crying so much and her cheeks are puffy and you can see that clearly. Look at the sheen in her hair and the shock on her face and her eyes. I always loved how Neon does Akko’s hair. It’s got a very slightly-messy feeling to it, just a little bit, but that’s perfect for her, because she’s Akko. No one else draws her hair like that. And speaking of hair, this piece is a perfect example of how Neon does Diana’s. Not only wavy and highlighted, but sometimes multiple shades. It literally looks like a flowing little stream of water. The blue of her eyes is so beautiful, and the tears god she just woke up and she’s already about to cry because you can feel how tired and in pain she is. She just looks so weak and I feel like I’m the one lying in bed when I look at this. Neon puts you in each character’s position every time and it’s incredible.

And older Shiny Dianakko holy moley look at this full-body full-color masterpiece. Not only is Neon a pro at drawing people and tools/items/wands but the backgrounds the stars holy crap. Several of their arts have galaxy/stars backgrounds and each is more beautiful than the last. There’s so much color and light in this one, so much to look at. I just stare at the little details from the shine in Akko’s hair to the fabric lining Diana’s boots. And again with their rings glowing just so slightly. Their arms around each other and their hands together. Every detail was nailed beautifully.

Matters of the Heart ch2 I absolutely love the lighting in this one. You know exactly what time of day it is by the sunlight slanting in, and it’s bright and soft. Akko’s hair is ruffled cuz she’s been up for hours just worrying, and there’s the little tuft of her ponytail again, Neon’s little trademark. And the shine/shading all through Akko’s hair. I can feel the lump in Akko’s throat as she tries to talk past the tears. Her hand on Diana’s cheek and Diana weakly leaning into it and looking at her so longingly. She’s so so tired and everything hurts but you know she feels so much better just because Akko is there with her. Her hair is messy and unkempt, and Neon only draws her like that when it’s necessary. It’s not a careless swipe of the tablet pen, it’s intentional and it’s really expressive as to Diana’s state right now. All light, calming colors that set a really easy mood for this quiet tender moment.

A small kiss but still so beautiful. I love the (for lack of a better word) sketchier style. It looks so carefree just like the kiss. This is a kiss they can share just because they can, and I reel it’s something Neon drew just because they can, and thank god they did, cuz look at how cute. Still so many details, ruffled clothes and streaks in their hair. But like I said, no matter how many kisses Neon draws, they’re always different. Akko’s holding Diana’s shoulder and face and Diana is holding her firmly. It’s a quick messy kiss that you give your significant other just because you love them so much. More beauty in simplicity.

One of my favs like all the others are aahaHA Okay but this one gives us a view of how Neon draws other parts of the body like the back and shoulders more (and since it’s nakey we can see the muscles and scars and whatnot). More ‘warm’ blue colors at nighttime with these lovely cuddles. Look at how gently Diana strokes Akko’s back and we get CHIBIS I love Neon’s chibis. Cute little faces and expressions, which look especially great on Akko being tickled. And Diana’s just looking at her so longingly so lovingly. You can really see the love in her eyes and the adoration. And then you can feel Akko’s guilt. Neon just always chooses the best poses for everything. The way Akko hugs her pillow and gives Diana that nervous look (and her cute messy hair again ajksdhf) I REALLY Love the next part when Diana kisses her back. It’s so intimate, and I love their expressions. Diana is so certain about what she’s doing despite Akko’s clear misgivings and surprise. And the way Diana’s brushing Akko’s hair aside. I fucking love long flowy hair and this is the perfect opportunity for it and Neon does not disappoint. Such a sweet, tender kiss. I’ll never be over how well Neon nails emotions/expressions. And there’s often a variety of those in each comic. This one has guilt, nervousness, fondness, surprise, affection, joy. And the tiny little nose touch and how their bangs fluff up together. Look at how they look at each other. AND I fucking die when Akko gently touches Diana’s scar. Just that panel alone is so beautiful to me. The location of Diana’s scar being right over her heart, the way Akko’s ring glows just at the bottom of the panel, and the curls of Diana’s hair falling over her shoulders. God I love it. And another surprise little kiss for Akko. Have I said yet how much I love how Neon does kisses. And then adorable chibi cuddles as they just squish together look at how happy they aaaare.

Okay an angst comic Neon’s so good with choosing colors for text. But before that, their handwriting is really nice too. The haunting black/red backgrounds and drops of blood. And just the choice of dialogue itself is so telling. You don’t need to see the knife in that first panel to know what Croix is doing to her. Croix is so calm, but you can see she’s also tired and she’s not happy about this at all. But goddamn the shock and dismay in Diana’s face, the shading, the lack of colors and then a splash of bright red. And then I like how the painful red panels turn green (which is kinda associated with magic and in this case Akko’s healing magics). When Diana wakes up you can see Akko’s hair off to the side, so you know she’s there hunched over her sobbing even before you see it for real. Neon does tears so well. And not only little happy tears or slow dribbling tears, but pouring heavy tears too. Just streaming down Akko’s face in 3 different places and dripping off her lip and chin. And then you get to see her hands bloodied with Diana’s blood so you know Akko was pressing down to cover her wound all this time Diana was unconscious. You can feel just how relieved Akko is, not only because of the tears and how her eyebrows furrow and the way she looks into her eyes, but her mouth too. It’s a tight but wobbly smile, like she’s crying so hard she can barely get it out there but somehow she manages. And then what a beautiful tight hug of relief and love and joy and just good lord. I love this hug. Akko needs it as much as Diana does. You can really feel their closeness. And I know I was mainly gonna focus on the Dianakko cuz I’m trash but this is my fav art of the Sorcerer so far I just. Love his design so much. So inky and drippy and bony and neat. But an ass.

Chibi cuddles where you can see Akko’s pouty tired stubbornness look at her puffy cheeks and her tired eyes and her unrelenting grip on Diana. And Diana’s torn cuz she wants to stay in bed but she’s wired to get up and work. Their pose is really super cute, like how Diana has a hand on Akko’s head to half-pat half-push her away. And I love the lighting to show where the sunlight is coming in from this morning. Not too much color, but that’s perfect for an early-morning scene because at that time of day everything is still kinda pale and milky in color and not as bright yet so it really works perfectly here.

Study lesson sure okay right off the bat look at sweating gay baby Akko, meanwhile Diana is trying to be SERIOUS HERE but of course Akko is Akko. I love shocked Diana, how her eyes widen and her face turns pink. Then how they hold each other and close their eyes just as they kiss. Again, their hands are in different positions/spots than they are in any other kiss Neon has drawn. I like Akko putting both of hers on Diana’s shoulders/collar kinda to steady herself and keep her aim straight (lol). Followed by a cute little kiss and some of the cutest chibis ever. I’ll never be able to comprehend how simple circles and shapes like these chibis can instantly = people in my mind. All the work of an amazing artist.

Small kissu so simple and yet still so complex. I’ve always been as much of a sucker for the sketchy style as the clear lineart style. But this one is definitely more fun. Especially with Akko’s messy hair and ruffled bedhead, yet in contrast Diana’s hair is fluffy but not mess like Akko’s. I’m not sure HOW but it just is. And her fingertips just barely touching Akko’s face Akko’s chin and jaw, Akko’s hand on her shoulder firmly but comfortably. The way their hair kinda spills out over their shoulders and just that singular blush to keep our attention focused on the kiss itself. But don’t neglect to appreciate how Diana’s stroking Akko’s hair through her fingers. And then for her to move her hand onto Akko’s shoulder tells us she’s bringing her a little closer, kissing a little deeper. Such simply little subtleties but I want to appreciate them all cuz Neon needs to know someone really does just stare at these pieces for hours on end sometimes before bed.

Another that was my phone bg for a month or so. Such a cute, clumsy, totally-canon-possible situation. I like this simple, one-layer coloring technique a lot. Not too extravagant because the situation isn’t that serious, just cute and fun to look at. The side views are really cute, especially their mouths. Just the difference in the shapes of their mouths express their characters, how Akko’s goes wide/high and how Diana’s curves downward. But the follow-up image is just so precious, Akko worrying about Diana, but Diana reassuring her. I love Akko’s tiny little pout as she frets about hurting her, but Diana’s completely fine and just flattered Akko would even be that worried about her. And of course it’s a hug, and I’m a sucker for those, especially how Neon draws them. Always so close and cuddly. It makes perfect sense that Akko’s hands would be on top of Diana initiating the hug, pulling her in/worrying about her, while Diana would be returning it around her sides. Again, very small but important details that make the art all the more believable and enjoyable

Good please don’t ever stop cuz everything neon draws is fucking adorable. Another black-and-white piece, save for the blushes. And the sashes. I’ve said it a lot in art of other fandoms I used to be in, but I always love when artists do things like this, coloring only small parts of the art to kind of “highlight” it against the rest. In this one, they both have their hands on each others’ faces rather than shoulders or sides. A sketchier kind of piece for a quick, but intimate kiss works perfectly and really gives a feel for it.

A full color piece I really love. The highlights in Diana’s hair, the shine in Akko’s, and hell there are even shines in Diana’s too. For this one (as every Neon kiss is different), the both have both hands on the others’ back, and you can even see the motion in their hands (even though it’s clearly a still piece). You can tell their hands are roaming, rubbing, massaging gently, busying themselves in ways other than just kissing. And I love how Diana’s stroking through Akko’s hair. A super cute detail most pieces don’t bother to go above and beyond to depict, but if you are kissing someone with long hair, it tends to be something you do. It gives the piece a realistic feeling. Even more so with the second piece. By this point, both of them are a little breathless and giddy, their hair is messier (even the prestigious Diana Cavendish’s, and that detail in and of itself says loads about how busy they are with each other). I’m really in love with Akko’s hair on this one, the sketchy, shiny style for it, and the thin strands covering Diana’s fingertips. Tiny details that make it all the better and more enjoyable. And how Akko’s hand is kinda lazily lying over Diana’s shoulder, showing she’s at the point where she’s kinda stopped focusing on holding onto her shoulders and now she just wants to focus on her lips. These are also expressions we rarely get to see on these two, so it’s nice to see.

Matters of the Heart ch4. This one is simple (by which I mean simple to look at, though not to have created). Few colors, but again that highlight of the flowers in the background . Love it. But even more than that I just love Akko in this one. I love how she’s looking at Diana with such joy, such adoration, such fondness. No one has to read the fic or know what happened to know that Akko loves this girl with all her head. How she gently touches Diana’s shoulder and just gazes lovingly at her while she sleeps. Just gorgeous.

What should have happened in ep13. Beautiful coloring, and even more beautiful poses. Akko’s even crying because she’s so happy, Diana is just shocked at first. I love this hug (I keep saying that I KNOW) but I mean it shows Akko’s joy, to hug Diana around her back with both arms, happy enough to cry, while Diana’s hand is in midair, hesitant. But then she gets comfortable right away and hugs Akko back, and even Diana has tears in her eyes. I wrote an entire page describing this scene and yet Neon can express every emotion in two images. It just astounds me.

Okay this one. The One. It literally took me 20 minutes to look it over the first time cuz I liveblogged my reaction to it for Neon. I’m not gonna redo it on this post because nothing will ever be able to top the raw emotions I was feeling looking at it the first time. But I DO go back to it at least once a week (usually more than that) just to look at it. Just to stare. It is one of my favorites of any art ever.

Then there’s this one boy oh boy. Single image, different coloring technique, absolutely beautiful. The way Akko hugs her, holds her. It’s tight but not too tight. I’ve always liked hugs from behind where the person being hugged reaches up to put their hands over the other person’s (I know that is SUPER specific but it’s true). There’s just something about that kind of pose. The hugger having their arms/hands directly on the other person’s body, and the one being hugged just put their hands over the former’s just to hold onto them somehow too. It makes them both feel safe. It’s just so cute. And nothing’s cuter than Akko nuzzling into Diana’s shoulder/cheek. They’re both so relaxed, resting against each other. I haven’t mentioned yet how I love how Neon does eyelashes, so here’s a great time. They just look so pretty, especially against their blushy cheeks.

How the anime should’ve ended. New outfits for both of them, plenty of color, and all the most beautiful colors. The colors, shading, the background (again with the galaxy stuff!) And the magic and the light, sparkling exactly like the Seven Stars do. And of course in the shape of a heart. I can’t even imagine how much effort a piece like this takes. I also really appreciate the red and blue embroidery on their hats to match their sashes.teams. And the outfits overall are red/blue in reflection of them. It’s such a gorgeous blend of colors. And the Shiny Rod looks straight out of the anime. I had this as my laptop bg for a while cuz I just love looking at it.

Art for one of my fics ;w; Which absolutely kills me. Knowing that my writing could inspire someone to draw/create something out of just images spawned from words I jotted down will never cease to astound and flatter me. Especially when it’s a scene like this. The climax of the story, the most desperate/intimate/important part. Akko’s crying so hard, clinging to Diana, her ring glowing again to remind us of their relationship at his point. And Diana’s unresponsiveness and lack of reciprocation. Again, you don’t need to read the fic or know exactly what’s going on in order to feel the raw emotion and understand how Akko is feeling as opposed to how Diana is feeling at this moment. And I have to mention I love Neon’s choice of their Years Later sleepwear. Akko’s basically the same as her younger canon pjs (because she’ll always be a kid at heart), and Diana in a nightgown, which is the only kind of pjs I can see her in. The smaller final panel reassures us of the happy ending. Because the first image might scare you a little, wondering if Diana is all right, so leaving just that would’ve been a little worrisome. But Neon reassures us with that little bit at the end, and knowing it ends well makes looking at the first image not as worrisome the second and third time around - we can enjoy that more in knowing it ends happily.

Red and blue. Okay. Anyone who’s been with me since RWBY (where my main otp of gals also have blue and red colors) KNOWS I am the ultimate sucker for color scheme things like this. Akko being red, Diana being blue, but the best part is the purple blending them together. Dash does this in her art a lot and I tell her all the time how much I love it. Neon does it even more beautifully and very smoothly. The blend is in such a small part, only their bangs and chests. It’s hardly noticeable, because it’s so subtly well-done. This pieces is like watercolor and gives off a hydrangea kind of feeling. Usually for Years Later pics, Diana’s hair is loose (for bedtime scenes) or over her shoulder in its ponytail. So I really enjoy seeing it in this new style, still in a ponytail but all down her back. And Diana’s threading Akko’s hair again. Though all kisses Neon draws are unique, some elements reappear more than others, like how Diana threads Akko’s hair and how Akko cradles the back of Diana’s head. Reoccuring small things like that in the art gives them a sense of normalcy, so we can establish and understand these two girls kiss a lot, and they have come to realize what things they like to do best when engaged in a kiss. Those things each of them do more often than others are things you’ll only notice if you look at all of Neon’s art. We kinda start to accept them as ‘headcanons’ of how Dianakko kiss when Neon draws them.

The Kimono piece is lovely. Seeing them both with new hairstyles, the jewelry, the hair accessories. As if the colors aren’t gorgeous enough, there’s the patterns of the clothing. I didn’t notice my first time looking at it that Akko’s actually tying Diana’s bow for her, implying she helped her put the whole thing on, or at least helped with finishing touches, which implies a bit of closeness right there. You know Akko is a pro at kimonos since she’s from Japan and Diana has no clue what to do with them, so having Akko tie it for her was a perfect touch.

Soft As Cotton art absolutely murders me. Another draw from one of my fics like holy shit I absolutely fucking died. This one is just pure adorableness. I love Akko’s disbelieving face and Diana’s twitchy tail but even though she’s annoyed she’s still blushing this gay nerd. And the chibis again AHH so cute. I love how Diana’s tail poofs up and Akko gets that look in her eyes like “I gotta... do it again...” My fav might be the one of Diana leaning into Akko’s hand and purring she just looks so damn happy. It’s just such a soft moment and such a soft picture with soft colors. But no wait I think my favorite is the big bonus image cuz I had that as my phone bg for a long time. Diana’s annoyed at getting hit in the face with ears, but Akko is just. So content. So damn happy. I love the closeness, how Akko’s pressed right up there against her chest, and god her little nose ugh. And her arms are underneath Diana’s in this hug, which is a detail I love that I haven’t even been able to recognize for YEARS until very recently. When my fav gets hugged with the other person’s arms under theirs, because the person in Akko’s position is as close to Diana as physically possible, without her arms obstructing her grip. Again, a small detail, but one that makes it for me. I might be biased but I love this comic so much. It’s just so soft, as the title of the fic says, soft in every possible way. Soft and lovely.

Comfort kiss. Oh my gosh I was looking through Neon’s art tag the other week and spotted this one and I just stopped and gushed about it all over again. You can tell by my fics being 90% hurt/comfort that I love this sort of thing and this art fucking slew me. Diana’s just breaking down after all this time and you can tell how much pain she’s in, but that it’s emotional, not physical. Because Akko is level-headed for a change, taking on the role of the comforter. Her hands gently cupping Diana’s face, not her shoulders or sides where the clothes would skew her touch. She touches Diana’s skin directly to let her know she’s here and this is real. And she’s kissing Diana’s cheek, not her lips. I’ve seen comfort/crying art before of other fandoms/ships where they kiss lips but like... would you really wanna do that? I think cheek is the best. Not only does Akko get to brush away Diana’s tears but she’s allowing her to breathe freely as she cries. And look at how Diana’s hands are just loosely holding onto Akko, like she’s not even sure how hard she should be holding her back and she’s shaking too hard to tell anyway. But fuck me the final panel of Akko cupping her face and touching her lip so gently and shushing her... it fucking ruins me. AKKO being the one to take control of such a delicate situation. AKKO being the one to comfort/hush her. It’s a major role-reversal from their canon personalities and it’s so beautiful to see Diana being taken care of for once. I could stare at this one for hours (and sometimes I do I swear to god). And the colors are kinda dull/sad to match the tone of what’s happening, but it’s still oddly calming in a way.

Casual date okay if we don’t all already know by now that I love seeing my fav characters in different clothes and with different hairstyles so hello. Have a look at this gorgeous piece. If I’m a sucker for small details being colored in a colorless piece, where is nothing that gets me more than color-reversal things. Like ask Dash and Leo I always freak out whenever why do it in their art and here goes Neon. Akko’s got the bluish clothes and Diana’s got the reddish and they both look so GOOD. Even their shoes are different but still so cute. And for Akko to be having mint/vanilla and Diana to be having a chocolatey thing which is also a general color contrast for them is really nice. I love Akko’s smooth, stylish hair and Diana’s messier ponytail, again a little contrast from what we might typically expect from these two. And the colors are just so... summery. This entire piece screams summer to me, so bright and sparkly and it just kinda looks like marble soda in and of itself. The colors are so gorgeous and light and pleasant, like sherbet ice cream.

Another beautiful kiss. I just love how Akko is all but lying herself onto Diana, lazily wrapping her arms around her shoulders in a loose kinda hug. Looks like she’s about to just fall on top of her and take a lazy kissy nap, which is definitely something Akko would do. It’s such an ‘Akko’ kind of pose too. In contrast Diana is hugging her more tightly, a little more responsibly, probably trying to keep them from actually toppling over lol. Neon’s really good with not making the kisses too obvious. I mean the actual drawing of their lips. It’s done in such a simple little line or two, but the curve/angle of those tiny lines are so important to show whose mouth is where. I feel profile kisses are such a difficult thing to get right but Neon nails it every time. This is another piece where I love to look at their hair, but I think Akko’s lazy huggy pose is my favorite part. Their arms being lifted up lets them press chest-to-chest and man that closeness is so nice.

Surprise blue kiss agh so cute. There’s black-and-white pieces with just a bit of color, and then there are pieces that are all one color, like blue, and then just the red/pink blushy highlights. Akko’s got a little smirk on her lips and you know she probably got Diana to look up from her work by saying something dumb or saying her name in a sing-songy way and Diana was kinda focused on her work and she just looked up with a neutral/tired expression and then suddenly Akko’s kissing her and Diana’s heart is skipping a beat. Like we didn’t even see what was going on before this, but we just know that’s exactly what happened. It’s such a perfect pose too, with Akko leaning slightly down over her, taking prestigious Diana Cavendish by surprise, which probably nothing/no one else in the would could ever do. Even in the show, Diana’s eyes rarely ever go so wide, only in ep20 when Akko got right up in her face. So it’s always cute to see her shocked into an expression she doesn’t usually show. I like that this is just a simplistic, school setting kind of thing, cuz we need those too.

The ep 19/20 kiss that definitely happened off-screen. The face touching/holding fits really nicely here because this is a reunion scene (even though they’ve only been separated for like 12 hours, these gay babies). I know I’m repeating myself at this point but just. Look how soft this is. The tender caressing of Akko’s face and Diana’s hair, Akko holding the back of her head again. I don’t know why but this one always gives me a “christmas” kind of vibe. Probably because of Diana’s green shirt underneath and reddish warmer colors on the top, but also the lighting sort of makes it look like sunlight/snowfall, and that they’re beneath mistletoe or something. That’s just me I know, but I love it. It makes this piece really unique, and I plan to make it my phone bg soon over the summer to give me a cool/christmasy feeling in the heat of July. I love how the colors are all within the same palette/range (Idk terms but) they’re all very close to each other, browns and reds and purples and peachy colors. It all seems to almost blend and it’s just beautiful. I love seeing them in different outfits, but there’s a really cute charm of seeing one girl in normal clothes and the other in different clothes. Kinda tells the story right there that Diana wasn’t where she was meant to be because she has different clothes than usual.

Boop. A nose bump piece and it’s so cute and sketchy and light and fun. I love how Neon always matches the emotional tone of a piece to the literal color tone. Their noses pushing up together is so cute, and their little miles are to die for. This one isn’t as intimate/tight as some of the others, but it still portrays its own level of closeness between them. I love how Neon does blushes, not just as little lines usually, but with smudgey sort of brushes. It’s much easier to look at quite frankly, I think it looks fucking adorable. This is another one of those things, even non-romantic, that Diana would never do with anyone else. Even in canon, it only happened with Akko.

Fake marriage AU is the most precious thing. In all of the Years Later art, Neon has them both look a bit older and dress/look different than usual. But they also just fucking nail the canon Akko and Diana. This comic shocked me from day one because it just looks... exactly like canon Diana and Akko, just without color. It’s exactly them in this scene - DIana’s shock and hesitance, Akko’s tearful joy and excitement, the way she’s holding Diana’s hands so earnestly. And here, the blushes are a combo of the smudgey pink and the little lines. And how adorable is that. I love their robes and cloaks/shawls and how they’re different yet similar, revealing the same amount of each of their arms. I also really like Diana’s hair in this one, with the shading of grey on white. And Akko this sly cutie pie slipping her fingers between Diana’s as the images go on, instead of just holding around Diana’s hands. She interlocks them by the end, and I KNOW people overlooked this detail but I fucking drink it in like a crusty old sponge. And the kiss, Diana being shocked again while Akko is almost puffing her cheeks up with the effort to just “do it! kiss her now! prove to the world you’re the best fake fiancee ever!” cuz Akko is Akko and she doesn’t always THINk she just Does the Thing. There’s a cute contrast to Akko’s earnestness and Diana’s surprise. And Diana’s mostly composed after it all, but you can tell she’s realizing she liked it. I also love how in chibi form at the end, their hands kinda turn to little paws and Akko’s ponytail sticks up in embarrassment.

Tummy rubs ;w; this one is probably the darkest (literally the colors, but emotionally, neon has done MUCH darker stuff haha) but visually this one is very dark, all/most of the light coming from Akko’s ring. It matches the scenario so well - being stabbed through the heart and poisoned into being infertile is about as dark and devastating as you can get. But Akko’s ring (their marriage/love) is a glow in that darkness, small but constant. Just the bit of sweat on Diana demonstrates how she’s suffering (maybe not as badly as other times, but you can tell it’s that kind of awful discomfort where you can’t eve find a comfortable position to lie in for bed, sweating and in pain all night). You can see it in Diana’s eyes how tired she is. But Akko is diligently taking care of her however she can. And so Diana looking back at her also portrays how grateful she is for Akko’s help.

The ep23 kiss oh lord. It’s such a difficult thing to choose only one phone bg image and one lock screen. I literally have to flip coins because I can’t choose. But god I love this one. Warm colors in contrast to the snow you know they were just in, fending off the cold. And the color palette is barely different colors, so similar they blend in so easily and pleasantly. It’s just so nice to look at, so cute, so easy o the eyes. It’s all sort of shaded/darker colors but ranging from orange to purple, their clothes their blushes, everything is just so smooth. I like that Akko’s cupping Diana’s cheek again, playing with her hair like Diana plays with hers in some of the other art. And Diana’s got a hand on Akko’s collar kind of just pulling her in closer, keeping her there, making sure she doesn’t run away again. There’s just love and warmth radiating from this picture, and I don’t know how but Neon pulls it off beautifully as always. I’m definitely making this my next bg or phone lock screen for the summer.

I scrolled through the rest of my Neon art tag and was a lil sad to see that it’s ended there FOR NOW but aahhh how nice it was to go back and look through it all again for a long time and write up some reactions/notes.

I know a lot of things I said here are probably just... explaining what’s obviously happening in the image. But I just wanted to show how like... Neon makes it so clear what’s happening, can express the emotions so expertly.

It just astounds me. Even more than the idea of someone creating a drawing from something they read, making an image painted with words into one painted with brushes, more than that I am astounded by how artists like Neon can just think of pieces without prompts/writing. Just. Out of nothing. And they make it into a thing that never existed before and will never exist again. Something only they could have made.

I am just blown away. I love all my artist friends but Neon’s art strikes something within me that the others don’t. And I can’t really explain it, but I wanted to do this and make this post for Neon anyway, to show them how much I love and appreciate their hard work. When I say I spend minutes to hours just looking at these pieces before bed at night, I’m not joking.

So thank you, Neon, for sharing these beautiful pieces with us! I wish I could write about EVERY single piece you’ve done, not only Dianakko, but I hope you get the gist of my feelings from this post!!

#theneonflower #personal #Neon tag

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mrmichaelchadler · 6 years ago

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TIFF 2018: Mid90s, Her Smell

At times, Jonah Hill’s directorial debut “Mid90s” feels like a studious attempt in not screwing up an opportunity. Following the coming-of-age of shy observer Stevie (Sunny Suljic) as he befriends a group of skaters—leader Ray (Na-Kel Smith), party animal Fuckshit (Olan Prenatt), bottom-of-the-pecking order Ruben (Gio Galicia), and filmmaker Fourth Grade (Ryder McLaughlin)—“Mid90s” is a solid film that frequently tries too hard to be modest and unassuming. Hill wants to evoke the laidback style of Larry Clark’s "Kids," as tied with the contained formalism of early Scorsese, but it often comes across as a belabored attempt to capture the meandering, aimless nature of hanging out. When “Mid90s” eventually tries to tie up the loose ends previously designed to remain loose, you can see the clumsy attempts to conceal the seams that keep Hill’s film together.

However, when Hill relaxes and “Mid90s” just observes the gang of friends, the film reaches a Linklaterian ideal that’s admittedly difficult to achieve. The scenes of talking shit and skateboarding that aren’t tied to a narrative function are funny and honest, and I suppose it counts as an act of bravery that Hill isn’t afraid to portray how these kids would actually talk in the year 2018, i.e. they say “faggot” constantly. All of the performances are stellar, with a special shout-out to Lucas Hedges who plays Stevie’s asshole older brother and nails the behavior of a bully hiding behind a thin veneer of strength.

There’s a lot to admire here even if it’s housed in a shoddy frame: The period detail (clothes, posters, vernacular, etc.) is mostly on point. The soundtrack is full of canon favorites (Hill clearly had an enormous music budget), and while one can expect tracks from many obvious, great artists of the era, I appreciated that Hill employed a Bad Brains track that felt somewhat out of place from everything else.

What Hill really nails is the complicated dynamics of hanging out with a group of older kids when you’re way too young to hang. When Stevie first approaches the group in the skate shop where they work, he just watches them, absorbing their wisdom and bullshit. But when he’s tasked to fill up a jug of water, he jumps at the opportunity because it means he’s beginning to belong. His earnest, self-effacing nature organically allows him to ingratiate into the group, as well as his willingness to sustain injury skateboarding, despite the enormous gap in experience between him and the rest of them. It’s rare you see a film about kids threading that line between trying to be cool and acting like they’re not trying at all without undue judgment on the part of the writer/director. The best thing I can say about “Mid90s” is that Hill gets what it means to want to be cool. It’s ironic that this is his debut’s greatest liability.

Since “Her Smell” is written and directed by Alex Ross Perry, I’m obligated to begin my very positive review with a few caveats: 1.) Its abrasive style and caustic dialogue, part and parcel with Perry’s filmography, will not appeal to everyone; 2.) The film's first hour, which features plenty of shrill, obnoxious bad behavior, will test the patience of many, as it did plenty of the audience who attended my Press & Industry screening Monday afternoon; 3.) Even if you’re familiar with Perry’s work, it’s possible that watching rock star assholery propelled by severe substance abuse might not be your bag.

With that said, “Her Smell” bowled me over in a completely unexpected way. Though I’ve seen Perry’s entire filmography save for his 2009 debut “Impolex,” I’m not exactly the biggest fan of his work. Most of his films have left me cold or merely curious, with the notable exception of “Listen Up Philip,” which still feels like a potent exploration of a certain strain of male pathology. But “Her Smell” features Perry in a different mode than before, submerging his audience into the noxious psychology of his main subject Becky Something (Elisabeth Moss, her best non-“Mad Men” performance by an enormous margin), riot grrrl rock frontwoman of the band Something She, as she falls hard from grace, before bringing them up for air to witness her redemption. Rest assured, there’s plenty of casual cruelty and inflicted pain befitting his style, but there’s also a gentle kindness that he hasn’t exhibited before. “Her Smell” not only illustrates Becky’s sickness but radiates with sympathy for her condition and hope for her recovery.

Perry’s film is split into five acts, broken up by home video footage of Something She at work. The first three feature Becky as she spirals into addled mania, aided by booze, drugs, and a fraud of a shaman that only feeds her paranoia. Her bandmates (Agyness Deyn and Gayle Rankin, both very funny) are through with her self-destructive behavior and poor musicianship, while her ex-husband Danny (Dan Stevens) merely wants her to take some responsibility for their child. Something She’s manager Howard (Eric Stoltz) desperately tries to keep everyone happy and everything on schedule to no avail. Becky is headed for a deep, deep bottom and no one can stop her until she finally hits it.

Rest assured, these three acts, which constitute the first hour, could potentially grate on those who are unprepared to watch a turned-up-to-11 emotional hurricane. It helps that a lot of it is funny, both the behavior witnessed from afar and the dialogue, which has a song-like rhythm. Plus, unlike Perry’s other films, in which his characters’ cruelty feel like an ingrained, sober personality trait, here it’s definitely the product of addiction. It’s difficult to make much of a strong moral judgment on people who are acting on behalf of their disease, even when it’s irritating at best and violent at worst.

Perry’s filmic style gets its best workout in “Her Smell,” with his frequent use of extreme close-ups employed to great effect, capturing the pain and excitement of artists living on the very edge of sanity. “Her Smell” is a true rock ‘n’ roll film, and it understands that selfish, destructive behavior is not only a part of the persona, but also a part of the fun. Perry structures the film’s acts like suites, containing different movements that function in various emotional registers in order to demonstrate how and why Becky is exciting and dangerous. She’s a magnetic presence until she becomes a problem for anyone within five feet of her.

The film’s last two acts shouldn’t be described in detail, but suffice it to say they feature Perry working in a softer, more understanding mode, and the results are quite moving. I’m a sucker for redemption narratives, and watching Becky do the work to crawl out of the gutter despite no guarantee of success, let alone fame, really struck a chord with me. All of the music featured in “Her Smell” is fantastic, covers and originals alike, but the film’s final musical sequence had me in tears because it really does feel like a hard won victory after a long journey through hell. This isn’t an easy film, but if you’re on its wavelength, it contains numerous, immeasurable pleasures.

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thebigcitynightsband · 8 years ago

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Gone Songs

Stroker’s v. Shoeless Joe’s Like most rock bands, we’ve record music in various states of inebriation, from smashed to sober and back again. We don’t need booze, but we’ve always played better when we’ve loosened up. A few beers each and, for Ryan, a furnace blast of strong weed in the lungs, gets us in a good place and we play better. Any more than a few, though, and things can go quickly wrong. In September 2007 we played a show at Stroker’s, a dank old pool hall downtown Brampton where one of the regulars actually has a hook for a hand. I used to go there with my Dad to play pool when I was a kid. I’m not sure what the legality of my being there was, as I was eleven or twelve and in a bar, but maybe it’s legal if you have an adult accompanying you? It’s not like my Dad would drink on these outings or anything, we’d just go to Stroker’s when we felt like playing pool and he was too lazy to drive out to Diamond Jim’s, which was a great hangar of a pool hall out near the airport. I’m guessing it’s gone now because places like that always leave. Bob Sharky’s is gone, possibly for once distributing impossibly real looking five dollar bills that acted as vouchers for a drink special but which likely more than a few clever crackheads slipped to their dealers while grabbing rock out on Tullamore Road. Brampton has lost other pool halls whose names I can’t remember - one was on Steeles Ave across from the Latin Quarter - but Stroker’s was still around last I checked in November 2016, which pleased and comforted me. I love old pool halls. I’ll play pool anywhere, cuz I love the game, but it’s more fun in a place like Stroker’s than say, Shoeless Joe’s where squeaky clean tables have red felt and cartoonishly large pockets. I went to Shoeless Joe’s in Guelph a few years ago and noticed that it doesn’t even pretend to have good food. The menu is so rote and routine, slapped together by some moron with no creativity, the same shit every other bar sells: bland french fries, dry club sandwiches, salty onion rings. They don’t even give the head honcho the title of “chef.” At Shoeless Joe’s, he’s the “kitchen manager”. I guess that makes sense though. When you don’t even cut your own fries or even slice your own onions (everything arrives pre-prepared...they use a microwave), you can’t even call yourself a cook, much less a chef. So the quality of the food was similar to the quality of the pool tables. Which is to say atrocious. And that try hard name. Shoeless Joe’s? Talk about trying to get some dive credentials, eh? Funny how Stroker’s, in comparison, sounds almost gentle. Even regal. Not Hitters or Ball Smackers, but Stroker’s. Considering the fact that Shoeless Joe’s turns away shoeless patrons with extreme prejudice, they should probably change their name to something else. I’ve only ever been to the location in Guelph and I hope to never go there again. But Guelph ain’t all bad. Once you get away from the franchises on the outer fringes you can find some real classic dives, such as Tony’s Place:

Anecdote Describing How Much I Love Shooting Pool

I took a first date to Tony’s Place years ago. We went in and I ordered a set of Boston balls, which I love ordering because it’s a way of gauging whether the counterman/counterwoman knows his/her stuff (Boston balls are the regular ones, alternating between solid and striped and a black 8-ball). They knew their stuff and gave me the right balls and we took a few turns and then she - my date that is, who I’d pretty much forgotten about, so immersed was I in the game - put down her cue and tried to kiss me and caress my neck. Rather than reciprocate, I kept playing. Not only were my concerns frugal (we were less than five minutes into the game and I’d paid for an hour. If she didn’t want to play at all, why suggest a pool hall? And it had been her suggestion, not mine). So I ignored my date and bounced the balls around, getting my money’s worth, even showing her an old trick shot that I’d use at parties except a) I don’t go to parties anymore and b) even if I did, I don’t associate with persons who have pool tables in their homes. My ilk is of lower stock. The only time me and my friends have pool in the house is when a pipe breaks and floods the basement. The point of this anecdote is this: I love pool. That I chose Boston balls over the baser pulses of my own should be a clear indication of my ferocious fondness for the sport.

A Brief History of How I Feel About Billiards Ever feel nostalgia for an era you never saw, except through television and movies and magazines? Midnight in Paris is all about that, with Owen Wilson wistfully wishing he was Hemingway. He loves the people and places of the 1920s. For me, it’s the people in old pool halls and the way they offer up themselves as strong and sentient glimpses of the past. A living echo inside a room, undisturbed by time and passed over by the plague of Netflix and chill. I have untold thousands of false and fragmentary “memories” absorbed through osmosis by watching movies and TV. Pool halls where the bad characters were forever killing time (like the gang of ruthless older kids in Stand By Me), trading dialogue and pushing the plot forward. So for me, pool halls always carry a whiff of danger and excitement: gangsters muttering amongst themselves, barmaids crossing the floor in clacking heels to bring them Budweiser, cigarettes glowing in crimped silver ashtrays, the sharp smack of a clean break - indelible in its unmistakability, like a camera snapping or a pop can being opened, it sounds like itself and nothing else - followed by the rolling thud of balls, falling and settling into pockets, men cursing their luck in hushed tones and tapping their cues off the toes of their black boots, ten kinds of whiskey behind the bar, one for each mood you’re in over the course of a given evening, the comforting hum of the ice machine, beer in bottles sweating condensation, framed posters of Minnesota Fats holding a cue and earning his nickname, young hustlers prowling the floor looking for suckers while old men linger over cups of coffee and skim the newspaper and recall other, older times...perhaps the pool halls of their youth...everybody basking in the genial vibe, always genial even when the air is thick with the threat of envious violence over a game or a woman. Forget the no smoking sign, this is a memory and my memories belong to me. It’s the old days and everybody smoked and the haze gathers over the tables in a grey halo above the green oblong lampshades running the length of each table, blue smoke gathering as the evening lengthens, getting thicker as the stakes grow higher... The Mouth From Montreal I forgot one thing: the competitiveness. As much as I love to play, I always hated to lose. In Grade Nine, when I was attending BCSS, I’d sell my bus ticket every day to James for a dollar so I could play pool. And I hated to lose back then. In January 2016 I was in Olon, Ecuador one weekend playing pool at Ojas, my favourite local bar. There was an informal sort of doubles tournament going on, and I was playing with my friend Wayne. Wayne was a shy man, given to long bouts of saying nothing at all, but he was cool as clay. One older gentleman from Guayaquil was out on vacation and played as well as his meek hands would let him. He was terrible, but terrifically friendly, and he pocketed a few balls. Wayne let the man win because his wife was watching (Wayne’s wife was watching too, but she knew what her husband was up to). It was a nice time and everybody was enjoying themselves. We were playing winner continues and I felt a little bad that our white asses were colonizing the table, not leaving and letting the people play, but winner continues had been agreed upon in English and Spanish, so I don’t think anybody got mad at us. We ordered more drinks and played on. Then an arrogant prick from Montreal waltzed in, speaking fast and trying to top every anecdote and just being a fucking asshole. He broke the balls like a jerk too, lunging forward after hitting the white ball, as if trying to get the balls to move better by creating wind. There was a lot of wind coming off the guy as he ordered himself more to drink (never offering to stand any else a round, naturally) and offered tales of vague sexual conquests until, realizing nobody cared, switched tactics and regaled us with stories about saving naive surfing tourists from the fatal violence of the Pacific. Despite hailing from Montreal, or so he claimed, my gut told me he was lying, I felt no national solidarity. None whatsoever. I did not like the man. And I wanted to beat him, but he had us on the ropes. We had four balls at different corners and Mr. Loudmouth had one left before a brief honeymoon with the eight ball and a bragging victory. Except Wayne didn’t like him either. And Wayne, who was usually as expressionless as a blank wall, had started to glower at the man. He even gave a huff of impatience during one of the dude’s taller tales. But I was off my usually decent game that night, having had one too many Cuba Libre’s. I couldn’t find my rhythm. I couldn’t sink a thing. I was forlorn at the prospect of losing the table to this utter shithead who, having won, would never leave. Indeed it wasn’t just losing the game, it was losing the table and, by extension, the evening. But we won. Wayne clicked into overdrive and put the game away, playing with a finesse and ferocity I hadn’t seen from him before. He was so good, in fact, that I suspected he’d been letting me beat him all week. But that didn’t matter now, for we had beaten the loudmouth. I don’t know how and I don’t care how, but Wayne saved the day. We beat the mouth from Montreal. He shook our hands and promptly left the bar, a scenario I expected with the same certainty as him staying if he’d won.

But there’s another, more important reason that I’m glad Wayne won. He was born in Montreal himself and grew up there, so it was important to him to beat a guy from his hometown. But that’s still not the reason. I knew I’d miss Wayne when I shook hands goodbye with him, leaving Ecuador for home in early February, but I didn’t think I’d never see him again. After all, we’d grown tight and the man lived in Oakville. But a few days after I landed, Wayne suffered a stroke while walking along the beach in Olon. He slipped into a coma and eventually died. He regained consciousness once, very shortly after the attack and, confused by the commotion - medical personnel looming, a stranger fanning him - he asked his wife what happened. She gave him an abridged version of events and Wayne actually apologized for causing such a fuss. That was Wayne. A good friends. And another man who came alive in the pool hall. I never saw him more excited, more animated, than in that old pool hall. Ten Years Gone So yeah, it was a big deal for me that we were playing Stroker’s, one of my old billiard haunts. I hadn’t been there in ten years and I was nervous for the show, so I bought a magnum of white wine at the LCBO in Union Station (gone now too...and why? Nobody needs alcohol more than a stressed out commuter). I was going to sip it and share it with the guys but I somehow polished the whole thing off on the bus ride to Brampton. Fortunately, the guys had brought my gear for me, or maybe we borrowed some, as I was in no condition to carry anything, even myself, when I staggered off the bus downtown and practically fell into Stroker’s. We set our amps and drums up in the front, between the bar and the window, and a crowd formed around us in a circle. We opened with “Born to Bar Band” which went smoothly enough, following up with “Horseshoes,” which was still fresh at the time. Then I drunkenly and dictatorially decided that it would be a fine idea for us to do a rendition of the Tragically Hip’s “Poets,” despite the fact that Ryan didn’t know it and James hadn’t heard it in a really long time. Actually, I’m not even sure if Ryan was at that show. It may have been Emon. I was so drunk that I don’t even know who, if anyone, played bass. And I don’t remember how “Poets” came off but I do remember jumping into the drum set soon after, a kit belonging to Steve Sandhu of Hormoans, who are excellent and who played a set in my Bathurst living room in 2012. Sandhu was/is infamous for his live antics, which include throwing microphones and smashing stands and also jumping into drum kits mid-song, so he wasn’t mad at me, though James sorta was. After our set I took a ride to Carey and Spencer’s in the back of Roper’s new Subaru. I remember him blasting Matthew Good’s “Odette” on the way and really liking it. The rest of that night is, as Lou Reed would say, “unavailable to me.”

It’s fair to say that I let the band down that night. Ryan did something similar a few years later, so at least I’m not alone in my idiocy. If we’re lost...we are lost together. TBCN played a show at Track’s one year, I think 2010, that happened to fall on Ryan’s birthday weekend and he got demonically and seraphically hammered. Not Danny at Stroker’s hammered, but still hammered. He was fine for our first set, im fact he was excellent, but during the second I remember hearing the bass drop out mid-song and looking over at him and his right hand was resting on his bass, not playing a note. His face wore a blissful expression. he was pretty much asleep, perhaps dreaming of playing a show with his band. But yeah, he was cronked out. Ryan lived forty steps from Track’s at the time and still had to be helped home. He wrote a sheepish apology to James and I the next day and we of course forgave him because we weren’t even mad in the first place. Like my Stroker’s debacle, everybody was more perplexed than anything else. I did it, and Ryan did it, which brings us to James. James hasn’t yet played/ruined a show due to drunkeness but it’s fair to say that Ryan and I will forgive him immediately if it ever happens. He has been holding a Get Out of Jail Free card for seven years, or ten this September if you’re counting from the first offense. Anyway, that’s it for pool halls. For those of you still curious, yes, I did have sex with the girl I took to Tony’s Place and then ignored in order to shoot billiards.

5. Gone Songs

Just as we have some shows that we played drunk, we have many recordings in which drunk was the fourth member of the band, tripping us gleefully and singing along and knocking microphones to the ground. So in light of my recent clarity, having quit drugs and sworn off alcohol (though I am smoking weed every other day or so, dispensaries peddling quality bud presently popping up on every corner of the city, like the proliferation of Starbucks locations in the 1990s), I have compiled a top ten list of Songs Recorded While Not Sober. Ironically enough, our drinking anthem “Hey Thirsty!” was not recorded drunk. I had a beer or two, as did Russell, Jake, and Ryan Taylor, but we were by no means drunk. The same cannot be said for the following entries in the Big City Nights catalog, songs I’ll call our “Gone Songs.” 10. “Some People Say”

We recorded this one sitting down, a choice made for us by our fourth member drunk. Wait, can it be called a choice if we had to sit down? That’s an interesting philosophical question someone should address sometime. Either way, it was late at night (or early in the morning, depending on your perspective), and standing was proving rather difficult. Before tracking “Some People Say” we’d tried four or five times to lay down a live rendition of “The Hard Way,” a song we ended up recording for Heck ‘Em All (coming soon in 2017!) at Yogi’s Meatlocker in Ottawa in September 2013. I was playing guitar and singing, Ryan was playing bass and singing, and James was playing tambourine and singing. So not only would the track be unusable if one of us fucked up the lyrics or the vocal phrasing, it’d be useless if one of us fucked up our instruments, which one of us did repeatedly until “The Hard Way” became “The Impossible Take” and we decided to sing vocals for “Some People Say” instead. Click on the hyperlinked numbered song title above to hear the glorious results. Could’ve sounded worse.

09. “Millions”

This one was really fun to sing, despite the cryptic lyrics. “If I die with ___, if I die with ____,” it just goes on and on with the death thing. But there’s a triumph somewhere in there, especially when the band kicks in and the guitar solo hits high and hard. It’s not a coincidence though, that the best part of the song is when we stop singing. Andrea and Sam were particularly off key that night, as you can hear, but alas, the Nights didn’t fare much better. I only have one photo of the Exile sessions, taken either by James from beside his kit or by Reena. Can’t remember.

08. “Tranquility Man” As if “Millions” weren’t enough, I decided to add a drunken downer recorded in a gin-soaked haze in the basement of the shittiest apartment I ever lived in, and that’s saying something. This is a song about being afraid of losing things due to drinking. Not easy listening.

07. “Devil Can’t Help” And this song is about actually losing everything, rather than fearing that outcome. Recorded drunk and alone on Christmas 2012. I bought myself a brick of goat cheese and a case of Corona.

06. “Everybody Got A Beef With Me”

We were so drunk that we were writing lyrics up to ten seconds before singing them. “Foreign Girls” was done under similar circumstances but earlier that same night, so this one takes the cake-flavoured vodka cake.

05. The Fog

We did the vocals at Peel Industries, my Dad’s old warehouse on Torbram near Derry Road, same place we did “Hockey Night in Canada” and “Horseshoes.” We actually wrote “Horseshoes” there too, then went to the bar. It’s a song about togetherness, feeling alive, and friendship. How could we not drink to this one? I only wish we’d added harmonies but we didn’t have the skill nor the sobriety back then. 04. “Be Mine This X-Mas”

Emon had it together enough to offer to lay down a bassline after vocal tracking and nailing it in two takes (he missed the bridge in an otherwise flawless first take). Those high castrato notes in the final chorus are done by Andrew Fisher, and the giggling reaction is his sister and my then-gf, Jessica. As Jessica once said, giggling was pretty much her trademark. You can hear her laughing somewhere in at least five Big City Nights songs. I don’t have any photos of the session itself, and I realize that these pics are getting pretty Danny-centric, but I have to go with what I have. This is a picture of me the next day, hungover and trying to mix the song. I finished it in the afternoon and we put it up on MySpace that night, so the song was written, recorded, and released in a single weekend. Ah, for the boundless energy of my youth.

03. “Like A Song”

Might Minutes was an absolute blast to record, my favourite by a long shot. Not only was it one long party filled with friends and barbecues and jamming, it was one long productive party. I wonder if now we could party for a week and nag out a nineteen songer. We did the vocals for “Canadian Cigarettes,” “Lump In My Throat” and “Fuck Edwin” in the basement of the house I grew up in on Fairglen Avenue in Brampton (same place and time that me, James and Russell sang the Flower City Three’s rendition of 54-40′s “Casual Viewin’”), but most of MM was done in Carey and Spencer’s basement, where we made the bulk of our best music in the early years. This is one of my all-time favourite songs of ours, so I’m cherrypicking it from the long drunkthon that characterized the album’s recording. In case you haven’t seen it yet, we even made a silly video for it, which Ryan says he can’t watch because the buttons on my wallet carved a disgustingly long scratch across the hood of his truck when I slid across it.

youtube

02. “Do the Do” James playing some unscheduled drumming at the end to the sound of Winfrow giggling should give it away. We were really drunk when we sang this one in my bedroom of the Bathurst house. I did a few headstands to get the blood flowing to my vocal cords and fell backwards into a bookshelf. We were excited about having our first album on a record label and having fun and this was just a great night. We went out after and watched the Leafs, who promptly lost to the Canucks.

01. “Born to Bar Band”

Yep, after all these years, ten of ‘em by my count, the first song on our first record still takes the number one slot. Ryan shouting “Ohhh! No you didn’t!” was in reaction to Eric Lister cracking a fresh beer, putting it down, promptly forgetting it was a fresh beer and tapping a long ash right into the hole. He drank the polluted beer anyway, perhaps to teach himself a lesson, and even through Ryan may have polluted the vocal take by yelling and laughing during it, the moment captured the spirit of what the song was about so we left it in. We sing what we wanna sing. Doomed to obscurity. Born to Bar Band.

That’s the list. Thanks for reading and, hopefully, listening. More to come, as ever. This year’s gonna be a good one for The Big City Nights, with at least two good albums coming down the pipeline, and possibly four. More music is coming and we can’t wait to share it with you.

I literally can’t wait actually, so here's a very rough mix of "Cadillac (On My Ass)" from our long-delayed studio album Heck 'Em All, out spring/summer 2017. It's not mastered yet, so CRANK the volume:

https://soundcloud.com/the-big-city-nights/cadillac-roughmix

#thebigcitynightsband #gonesongs

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scarlettlawyer · 6 years ago

Text

Part 4 of my commentary of @renegadewangs‘ fanfic series Phantoms and Mirages.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

Now, onto Haunted Specters! God, I love Haunted Specters.

It’s such a pivotal and crucial stepping stone. Just about all the major actors on the playing board, and in fact, the playing board itself all get rearranged in a careful balancing act that sets the scene anew.

It is, or at least it was, SUCH an incredible struggle for me to reconcile the phantom from the previous fic with the phantom we see in this one (and subsequent instalments, even) upon taking a step back, and with good reason, although for me the divide ran a little deeper, as it completely boggled my mind how this was somehow the same character being written by the same author, let alone belonging to the same fic series that somehow had a line of continuity where it made sense for these characters to end up in these situations – this situation.

I don’t merely refer to the phantom’s characterisation – what’s so great is that you can totally get away with writing him in this manner and have the audience accept it, seeing as he’s suffered a traumatic brain injury from the fall. It allows for a great amount of freedom for what direction to take the character in that would have been absent before.

No, I also refer here to (of course) the dynamic he shares with the other characters, the way he is portrayed and positioned by the narrative, and lastly, my own personal approach to reading and my feelings towards – level of investment in the character as he is in this series. As I’ve rehashed many times, I wasn’t very absorbed in or on board with this series’ version of the phantom for a lot of the previous fic when I first read it, at least until the end. But now, going into this fic, I was fully invested in especially seeing and learning what changes and impact the fall had made on him, and there was a new, thrilling level of unpredictability attached not only to the character, but to the plot itself.

By all accounts, the series so far had set me up to want to see how Blackquill and Bobby were finally going to take down the Big, Bad, Evil Phantom once and for all. How they would, against the odds, track him down and apprehend him against his will in what was bound to be an epic showdown. I was ready for that. It’s what I wanted to see. When I previously mentioned wanting – yearning for a “slightly lighter take” in my first post? That was gone now. I was ready for some pizza, at last. It’s what I had been conditioned to expect so far, so I was like, why not? I was like, heck yeah, let’s do this.

And yet, the narrative didn’t hesitate to seem to want to throw all of this out the window altogether. My expectations completely and utterly thwarted, I found myself realising I really had no idea what direction this could possibly be going in (or why my expectations had been thwarted so thoroughly like this). I well and truly had no idea what would happen next most of the time, because I couldn’t fathom where things could possibly go, and that had me hooked to reading, so eager to know what would happen next since it was such a mystery.

Rereading Chasing Phantoms as I have done for these commentary posts was helpful in truly establishing in my mind that yes, that was the same phantom, the same phantom, the same man that is present continuously within this series. That needed to be reconciled not just with regards to portrayal, but also my own misconceptions outside of that about how the story and character were constructed back then.

But I’m getting a little ahead of myself here, so let’s start off with looking at the first few chapters.

Haunted Specters, Chapter 1

…You know, right off the bat, I know/figure this series was mostly (if not wholly) written prior to the release of SOJ, and yet. I could be wrong but it looks like all of the provided dates still seem to match up in order to make it remain fully compliant to ace attorney canon. As in, there’s nothing directly contradicting it. And if that really is the case, well that’s just pretty damn awesome all around. AA7 will surely come along in future and ruin the fun of that I’m guessing, but for the time being, you can’t tell me all of this stuff wasn’t happening in the background even as AA6 was going on. AA6 all seems to take place prior to chapter 1, anyway. God bless timeskips!

...Wait, wait, coming back to edit this much later: scrap that. Apollo’s presence throws a spanner in the works. Ah, well. We can work around that, I’m sure. I’m gonna play around with it in my mind until it fits, somehow. :P Even later edit: Oh also Gaspen.

When Simon left the office, he couldn’t quite keep the broad grin from his face, nor the light skip from his stride.

This is so cute oh gosh happy Simon!

Save it for a more appropriate time- that was what his therapist had taught him.

Oh? Oh really? Is that so? Who might that be? No one important? Oh you mean? You mean the courtroom sniper? Is that right? You mean the phantom’s future

Boyfriend?

Nah, that can’t be right. Carry on then.

Hah, don’t worry, I’m not complaining. Lang Zi says: A man who cannot keep his own affairs in order lacks the competence to be having affairs.” “… No offense, Lang-dono, but at times the suspicion dawns on me that perhaps you’re making some of these sayings up as you go.” “This coming from the man who has a thousand and one prison anecdotes to share?” Lang paused for a moment, then his voice took on a much more serious note. “Anyway, I’m not calling for idle banter.”

“Haha, yeah, good one, so anyway, there’s a good chance your boyfriend might be dead.”

Haunted Specters, Chapter 2

“No! Hold it! Mr. Butz had no reason to kill anyone!”

I WAS WONDERING IF THE DEFENDANT WAS SOMEONE WE KNEW SKNJSDNKJ

“So tell him to hold off on ordering another useless gravestone with my name on it. In fact, tell him to stop looking for me while you’re at it.”

ANOTHER- god I love how completely wack some of these characters’ lives are/have been.

“… I gave him your regards. I gave him your regards, and then some.”

Me, known phantom fangirl trash: OH GOSH IS HE OKAY???

Me, knowing full-well that Bobby would be 100% justified acting in self-defense against a known emotionless killer, therefore also with somewhat mock concern: OH BOBBY PLEASE TELL ME YOU DIDN’T HURT HIM

(Oh, but he didn’t. I needn’t have worried.)

Ah, I’ve been sitting here, wondering what I can say to this. How his assessment is completely aligned with reader expectations and further sets them up only to be subverted, how far off his guesses are… I just… “even the tiniest glimpse of him” they’re… they’re sharing an apartment… Yeah. We’ll get there. I couldn’t find an appropriate reaction image to the above block of text, really.

Haunted Specters, Chapter 3

Okay this is extremely pernickety, and I apologise, but…

And, mind you, I usually pay no attention whatsoever to these things, and it honest to goodness makes no difference at all in the end – if the narrative says it’s Tuesday, then it’s Tuesday. Simple as that. I merely looked it up out of curiosity and because I’ve annoyingly taken it upon myself to micro-analyse everything in this fanfiction series like a little pest. I also kinda figured because you are picking out the dates and actively calling attention to the day of the week, that you would have some kind of system that you are sticking to for it (and the vast majority of details added into your fic was done so meticulously). And maybe Google is off on the calculation and you got it right, heh. But yeah, I definitely paid no real mind to this at all when reading it the first time around.

But then… Even if Fulbright was now avoiding help from the people close to him, that didn’t mean there weren’t any people close to him. Similarly, the Phantom could never quite work alone.

Okay, okay. I know this is a direct lead-in to re-introducing Domestique into the mix, but… oh my gosh. You really just went right ahead and… Hm! The phantom can never quite work alone. He is working with Bobby right now, as a matter of speaking.

Also. I really like Domestique’s dialogue when he’s forced to face Simon, gosh. Just so unabashedly in-your-face, so dotted with swears, it’s kinda great, really.

I ESPECIALLY LOVE THIS LINE FROM HIM:

Because honest-to-goodness, it’s kinda funny how direct it is (and the “THAT’S TWO DIFFERENT COUNTRIES” asdgd), but also rings really true in a “this is exactly what someone like this would say in this situation” way – exactly how they’d phrase it.

…

Oh, I love. This meeting between Bobby and the phantom at the end of the chapter. It’s – aaah. Very good. With the way it’s set out, you’re somewhat kinda like, oh, huh, is it really him though? Could it really be him? But the narrative goes right ahead and keeps dropping explicit hints. It still doesn’t outright confirm it, leaving the slightest hint of plausible deniability that perhaps this is a New Character we’re being introduced to, but… :D

Haunted Specters, Chapter 4

Even the revelation that the Chief Prosecutor had helped uncover a mole who’d been hiding right by Lang’s side was a story that’d spread through hearsay only.

Second reference to the Her 👀 (yes, I’ve been paying attention to that on this readthrough).

“Coupons. Ambassador Palaeno sends me a considerable package of these things every year, yet I find no use for them. They’re redeemable only in Cohdopia itself, so I’m sure you see my problem.”

Bro. Bro you keep making vague references to characters only for them to actually become super important and plot-relevant later on. I’m blindsided every time.

Me, reading this for the first time: Haha nice reference to a minor ace attorney character, yes, Edgey would totally still receive coupons from him. I can see that. He’s totally unrelated to this story though.

Me later: THIS SUCKER WAS ALREADY BEING REFERENCED AT THE BEGINNING OF FIC 2.

The Chief Prosecutor received gifts from the Cohdopian ambassador? Honestly, everyone was intertwined in one way or the other, weren’t they?

Good work. This is very true of the ace attorney universe and it’s cool that Simon takes note of it here like this. But it’s also very true of this fic series as well, helping reiterate that fact. Oh, Simon, you don’t even know yet how intertwined everyone even is…

You set the scene so well upon Simon arriving in Cohdopia. Really depict the atmosphere and everything super well!

So then, Simon arrives at the address, and he finds… Bobby? And it’s like, wait, wasn’t that supposed to be the phantom’s address? Why’s Bobby here? Aint that hugely coincidental…? How did Bobby find… Well, he did cross paths with the phantom, so I guess he also managed to track him down to this place somehow and he just so happens to be arriving at the same time as Simon (?!) and then some other stranger that Bobby seems to know arrives and…

…

…What?!

I love how there was still plausible deniability up until the very moment Bobby says it outright. Like, the phantom’s apartment might have been abandoned years ago, and this “stranger” is completely unrelated, and took up residence there some time after it was abandoned. Yeah – a stranger that will be an important ally and help them on their quest to bring the phantom down! Right? But Bobby’s behaviour, and then he… that’s… that stranger is no stranger at all…

Simon waited, all sorts of hypotheses dawning on him, each more ludicrous than the next. As it turned out, one of the theories he’d dismissed almost immediately on grounds of being too farfetched turned out to be truth.

LITERALLY ME

Haunted Specters, Chapter 5

“I warned you, Simon. Now back away,” Bobby hissed, grabbing him by the arm to pull him away from the faux Cohdopian.

“Faux Cohdopian”… Well,

Anyway. Well. Wow. What can I even say about this chapter? Most of it’s all contained in Simon’s POV narrative itself.

First off, you have the obvious, “whoa, this is how the phantom is being formally re-introduced to the narrative? I really don’t know what I expected but it sure as hell wasn’t this.”

This chapter, this situation, the characters, are all so incredibly volatile and it plays out, it really plays out with that constant volatility.

I, kinda immediately suspected that something was off in that the fall had done some damage to the phantom’s mind in an important, meaningful way.

Bobby’s behaviour is so surreal. Just like it is to Simon. There’s so much going on, so much to process all at once.

“I think that even you, Phantom, would agree this is nothing short of folly.” A moment of silence followed. Sam didn’t so much as blink at the question. He merely downed the pill he’d been given by draining the water in one go. “… Sam doesn’t speak English,” was all Bobby said.

Now THINGS LIKE THIS, are what made me think, well, the narrative seemed to be encouraging this viewpoint that maybe, at this point the phantom doesn’t actually remember being the phantom. Maybe he lost all his memories, and he’s just wandering around as some poor confused amnesiac who genuinely thinks he’s Sam Specter. (That doesn’t explain a couple of things, but it was only a temporary thought of mine as I read through). But this viewpoint allowed Bobby’s behaviour to make sense in my eyes. It raises a very interesting dilemma. That the phantom is still despicable and needs to be brought to justice and what have you, but how? The phantom is completely absent now, if this man has no memories of any of that. If he genuinely thinks he’s Sam Specter, an innocent civilian who has done no wrong, and for all intents and purposes is trying to live his life as such, reacts as such? Then Bobby would probably bear no ill will against “Sam Specter”. That perhaps, well and truly up until a certain point, “Sam’s” act was not an act. Or it, at the very least, was much less of an act than it would usually be. It’s… quite convincing. In which case, Bobby wouldn’t want harm to come to innocent civilian “Sam Specter”, even if he used to be the phantom. But now? Now he’s just some weak, frail man with a serious mental condition.

The attempts to affirm the personhood, to what extent there is one, of “Sam Specter” is a very interesting point of contention.

With this in mind, as Simon went after the phantom trying to get him to come out, I kind of expected it to consistently not work. That Simon would just keep pushing and pushing to be faced with that murderer once more, only for “Sam Specter” to never break character, perhaps because there is no real character to break from at that point, so caught in a delusion. For Bobby to want him to stop because at that point he’d just be needlessly harassing “Sam Specter”.

But then he does break character, so that theory kind of goes out the window.

He’d been cornered, faced with the truth and forced to drop the charade.

But. It’s still not revealed to what extent the phantom was impacted by the fall. And I kind of got the impression that the phantom was “holding onto” the act… more than usual. More than he usually would. He only broke character under duress, so there are still a whole bunch of questions raised here about just how much he was immersed and caught up in the role of Sam, exactly. Also. Yes. On a second readthrough he reacts fiercely and breaks character specifically after the asylum comment and I just – oh my GOSH.

Also: Peacekeeper Bobby…

Bobby’s gaze moved from the broken glass to Sam Specter, who was once again cradling his head with both hands. Who was rocking back and forth on the couch, muttering to himself. Obviously not listening to a word they were saying.

Oh gosh, he really… Yeah. A fall from an apartment building can certainly do that to you.

Haunted Specters, Chapter 6

What if… What if this was a mistake? What if he’d just freed a common criminal?

Well, UM.

“Oh. Oh, right. That makes sense.” A moment’s pause. “…Wait, wouldn’t I be walking backwards then, making your six my twelve?” “…” “Or uh… I’ll just turn the clock around and make my twelve six so it’ll still be right side up for you.” “… I doubt this conversation would be any different if I were having it with a young child.”

Oh my gooosh. He’s really like this huh. He’s really just Like This.

“Oh. … Well, that’s good! That nobody else is stuck here, I mean, not the… the selling.” “Stop wasting time on such trivial sentiments and prepare yourself.”

“Trivial sentiments”… I just… He’s really always Like This. Your version of the phantom is so talkative, something I noticed pretty early on, but I love it, honestly. He could have easily just ignored the statement and continued to tend to the task at hand here, not saying anything, and Bobby would have easily taken that cue and also started to focus more and not really said anything further, but oh, no, the phantom just had to throw in some kind of remark. Not replying would have conveyed the same meaning, but this guy? He’s absolutely gonna say something. He didn’t have to equate Bobby to a child either, easily could have chosen to say nothing. BUT HERE WE ARE. I love it.

Two strangers, guarding each other with their lives on the gamble they’d both make it out in one piece.

Incredible. Incredible!

“What…? Friendship?” For the first time since they’d met, the man’s voice showed more than a stoic nature. Some sort of subdued confusion. “… Wasn’t it… justice?”

THIS MOMENT IS GOLDEN. Yes, YES.

And, you know, his brain’s all muddled, he’s missing huge chunks of his memory… And he really is kind of blurting this out at this point? Like a knee-jerk reaction. He’s reaching for a – for a memory that just comes to him even if he can’t quite put it in full context, or even if he CAN, he really says this without thinking. Because even if he was suffering from this confusion, I am very certain that he would not just blurt it out like that under normal circumstances. No. This man is half out of his mind! He must know that Bobby doesn’t recognise him and he has no real reason to tip him off otherwise right now (because it could backfire very easily if Bobby freezes up or freaks out as a result!), to ask him like that... Haaah. I’m so here for really-not-all-there phantom.

Still, even through their little exchange, Sam looked blissfully lost. As if he truly didn’t understand what they were discussing about the Phantom. About him. What a pathetic little farce.

This really did have me genuinely uncertain what to think. Like, how much of “Sam Specter” is a farce? How invested was the phantom into that role? The phantom understands English perfectly, but because Sam supposedly doesn’t… Was it possible at all that selective hearing was truly at play? That the phantom gets so deep into the role that he tricks himself, his brain, into not really understanding English properly – refusing to process it? At least, that’s what I thought at the time. Bobby makes the requests for the phantom in Cohdopian, after all. He doesn’t just casually sit there and say “hey phantom, come out” in English. Switching between “Sam” and “the phantom” evidently takes… some effort for him. And mind you, I was putting all of this (selective hearing etc.) down to the results of the fall as well. I mean, if the phantom was “Sam” under normal circumstances before the fall he’d be able to understand English perfectly well, he’d just pretend he couldn’t, and also that he’d be able to switch in and out and between personas quite easily. But that the fall did things to his mind to make it all more difficult, for him to now be able to engage in this selective understanding, is what I figured.

But… maybe Simon’s right. Maybe he still really does understand everything they say, and is just faking it. He’s such a good actor that it really is hard to tell.

And maybe the simple fact is that it’s still easy for the phantom to switch between personas, it’s just difficult to switch out of them since he has so little sense of self. And maybe that’s just the way it always has been and the fall didn’t actually change that.

Sam’s personhood hinges on how “conscious” the phantom is while Sam is in place. The less the phantom is actually present (selective hearing etc), the more “Sam” is just Sam. But it’s later implied (more than once I think) that the phantom really is just, conscious while he is Sam, and that being “brought out” is not such an immense struggle as it otherwise could be. And yet, at the same time, the narrative seems to want to tilt us in favour of acknowledging Sam as a… a person, his own person. Of sorts. And… I guess it makes sense(?). During the whole of Dual Destinies, even if every action taken by “Bobby” was consciously chosen by the phantom… Those actions were all taken for a reason, all matching up to the consistent persona “Bobby Fulbright”. Both “Bobby” and the phantom would make a choice or engage in a behaviour for the most part, even if the reasoning was different at times they were united on the action itself. Sam is… kind of the same? He is the spitting image of what used to be a real human being, all of his outward actions and behaviours (are intended to) replicate that human being. By cobbling together some approximation of a real person like this, it is perhaps easier to treat them like a real person if they behave in all intents and purposes as such. Especially considering the circumstances. There’s a constant duality going on which I guess is what we’re supposed to settle on? The phantom never really goes away, he’s always there behind the scenes. But Sam’s there too, and we gotta treat him as real or things kinda just fall apart, really. There’s also much to be said for how Sam’s personhood is as much constituted to the extent that it’s acknowledged by those around him, too. We can’t just look at it on its own. It’s also something that’s made more “real” by others treating it and to an extent acknowledging it as real. Even if, in the very end, there might be nothing truly behind it.

THERE IT IS. Right off the bat, I just gotta say: the phantom is really channelling his inner Franziska. XD. Addressing characters by their FULL NAMES. I noticed it quite a bit in the sense that it is, very consistent within his speech pattern, almost making it a kind of “character trait” of a man who himself claims to have no real character. But of course – it makes it stand out all the more when switching to “Prosecutor Blackquill” instead.

”If you attempt to lay a hand on Sam Specter a second time, I will not hesitate to interfere and protect him.”

Here it is, the phantom himself almost treating Sam like a completely separate person… I… don’t think he would have taken this approach before the fall. Hmm. BUT ALSO. Here he’s also implying that he is conscious enough while behaving as Sam to be able to “not hesitate to interfere and protect him”. Hmm!

“Watch your tongue before I cut it off,” he hissed. “I would never lay a hand on Fulbright.” “… See that you don’t.”

Me: I WELL AND TRULY DO NOT UNDERSTAND AT ALL, WHAT IS GOING ON, the phantom is protective of Bobby, well and truly his brain was influenced by that fall.

Simon really is/was in the exact same boat, honestly.

Now we have the smuggling ring brought up, the March 2019 exposure referenced, another reference to how there was a mole in interpol before… And I was kind of like, “hm! You know! There’s a certain character this brings to mind, yet unfortunately they’re nowhere in sight. Kinda really sucks they’re not a character in this fic series, honestly!” Yes, such a shame, really.

”[…] That’s why we need to expose the involvement of Lex Luster […]”

Me, reading this for the first time: Wait. Lex… Le…x. Huh. That’s… for some reason, that name rings a bell. Ah – that’s right. This “Lex”, he’s quite an important character, isn’t he? From what tiny random scraps of information I’ve seen about this fic series (from years ago!)… Yes. I’m pretty sure that this “Lex” character will be showing up quite a lot going forward.

...Well, I wasn’t wrong.

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