#and that’s crazy?? don’t sacrifice your enjoyment of this hobby to make others happy

[quietlyblooms]

i feel like everyone else has really said what needs to be said on the subject of femme muses, but i want y’all to know that you deserve to feel comfortable on your own blog. your femme muses deserve the same energy and hype as masc muses. if you have to put rules in place or block people, do not feel bad over that. it’s truly ridiculous that any of us have to continue worrying about hurting someone’s feelings simply bc we want femme muses to be acknowledged. and if you’re one of the people getting upset or dismissive over these concerns, pls think about that. pls think about how you view femme muses and how you treat them. there’s an ever-present bias in the rpc, and i don’t care if it’s gotten better — it’s still an issue and we’re all tired of it.

[kendrixtermina]

Extra Typology Vol #3 - Part 9, B: The Leisurely Style (Advice)

Getting along with the Leisurely Style

Accept the Leisurely person in your life as they are - don’t approach a relationship with such a person with the expectation of changing them to suit your needs. Rather, ask yourself what it is in this person that you like and/or are attracted to. Appreciate your Leisurely friends, parents, lovers, children or spouses for the qualities they possess rather than those they lack

If you are having difficulties with a Leisurely person, ask yourself wether the problems arise because you two have different value systems - perhaps you come from a push-hard, get-ahead tradition whereas the Leisurely person in your life sees more value in doing their own thing. Instead of judging one as better than the other, ask yourself wether your two value systems can coexist or merge - perhaps you can take responsibility for the ambiion and the Leisurely person can take the lead in the comfort and self-fulfillment side of things & share the benefits - In any case, try to understand this person’s philosophy of life and point of view.

Be realistic. Life with a Leisurely person may demand more sacrifices from you than from them - can you truly make these without bitterness or resentment. 

Make life easier for yourself - People with the Leisurely personality style don’t automatially tune in to what’s important to you. Instead of waiting for them to figure it out, let them know your basic, essential expectations and, if need be, let them know how to fulfill those. Make clear what is important to you & what’s important about getting it right - If your Leisurely partner objects, ask them to do it for you - but save such special requests for occasions that are deeply important to you. 

Leisurely types can be stubborn about protecting their rights to do or to be as you please. Offer to assist in projects that need doing, or propose a deal - but if they simply don’t get around to it, don’t nag and complain (and don’t take it personally) Be pratical & try to find another way to accomplish what you want they Leisurely person to do. 

When the Leisurely person in your life starts stalling, refusing or “forgetting” things, ask if they’re angry about something - people with this style have a hard time expressing their anger directly. 

Try to share in the Leisurely person’s pleasures - observe their habits and routines and join in. Leisurely people don’t necessarily need to be alone while they do their own thing - you’ll enrich your relationship and endear yourself to this person if you rearrange you shedule to share the most comfortable & enjoyable moments of their day - and you never know, they might become more willing to accomodate you. 

Take good care of them - Leisurely people are suckers for pampering and loving attention

Life Tipps for the Leisurely Style

Ask yourself whether there’s anything you can do to help other people better enjoy their sources of happiness - think about what they would appreciate & what a gift it would be if you helped them out with it - Don’t think of it as work but as a souce of real pleasure to you both - for the more you can help another person archieve their pleasures, the greater your shared pleasure. Think about it. 

Procrastination is the Leisurely way to maximize the pleasurable moments in life as well as to resist the demands of authority as long as possible - but procrastinating can get you in trouble with other people and make those around you crazy at deadline time, so think about this: It is a major pleasure in life to get things done on or before the deadline. Former procrasastinators will testify to this (A/N: As will those who are hopefully midway through kicking the habit) Think about this also: I you do it today, you’ll have more free time tomorrow, without anybody being angry at you (A/N: Plus you can start major hobby projects instead of worrying about having to get the work done later)

Make it fun - For every chore or assignment you are supposed to complete, find a way to enjoy yourself now or later - For example, listen to music while cleaning up. If this isn’t possible, reward yourself later with a fun activity (A/N: My therapist seems to recommend this, too,  As an introvert, try coupling physical cleaning tasks you don’t need your head for with daydreaming. If you’re an extrovert put TV or radio in the background)

Do some of it. It’s easier to tackle major task if you realize that you don’t have to do the whole job at once - if you do it little by little, you don’t have to give up all the fun in your life. Tell yourself you can get up after the first few pages, give yourself a chill break when you need it, and do the next bit tomorrow  - small pieces add up if you do them consistently (I can also confirm this - I should stop being such a goddamn 5 and actually APPLY this shit )

Do it now. As  soon as you find yourself about something you have to do that you are inclined to put off, do some of it right now. Then feel virtuous for having done it. (I must try this but I can see its gonna be UGH at first.)

See the bright side. Leisurely types tend to groan when they think about all the things they are obliged to do - look instead at the pleasurable consequences - people being pleased or at least less naggy, the relief of having it off your chest etc. In case you can’t see the bright side, at least let go of the downside. When you find yourself thinking about how this task in going to cut into your pleasure time, immediately move away from that thought - think about anything else.

Indecisiveness is often a byproduct of procrastination - You don’t want to do that thing, but what else? Try making a list.

Leisurely types are into habits. You habitually put off work you don’t want to do, but you also tend to pursue your particular pleasures out of habit - to avoid ruts, try trying something different  - Alter any of your patterns from time to time to experience flexibility and change and to prevent boredom. 

Double the fun! Leisurely people are so good at inding ways to entertain themselves that they might unwittingly become oblivious to others. As your household to join in! (A/N: I’m very embarassed that I have to actively remind myself to do this.)

When you find yourself wafflingbetween doing what you want and acceding to someone’s demands so they won’t be angry at you, try to resolve your struggle by accomplishing both aims - Also, ask yourself if you really don’t want it, or wether you’re merely refusing things you’re asked out of habit. If you find that you’re an automatic refuser, evaluate the task at hand to see wether it’s really objectionable - It my not be so bad. In any case, resist being resentful of the person whom you are trying to please. Look on the bright side: Now you’re both happy.