#and that they arent one of those woman and nonbinary (which they see as woman lite) spaces

[goosekid]

i transitioned specifically to go stealth and be that one just a guy in queer spaces that makes them feel more inclusive

[v3nusxsky]

hey! :) im basically copy n pasting from my original request i hope that’s okay!!

could i request a smut of emily (cm) and a nonbinary (female body) reader who uses they/them pronouns? and it’s reader’s first time with someone sexually (bc they have body insecurities and never felt comfortable with anyone else - feel free to change that though!) and Emily just takes lead and spoils them! also reader has a mommy / praise kink n overstim ;)) dom Emily and sub reader if that wasn’t clear!

Princess Treatment 18+

*Authors note~ happy birthday to my darling girlfriend @just-your-casual-nerd !!!! I hope you're feeling 22 ;) a gift as simple as choosing your own Kinktober fic as we can celebrate in December.*

Authors note 2~ I kinda don’t like this and I’ve never wrote for gn r before so I’m sorry for my mistakes

Trigger warnings~ praise kink overstimulation kink dom Emily sub r gn (afab) r body confidence issues body worship oral sex sex toys

Prompt~ see ask^^^

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Perfect is always such a strange concept for you. Really what is perfect? Just like the concept of normal. What would qualify? These questions were constantly swirling around your mind, but you were sure you didn't fit the answer for any of them. It's always so hard to see the models and celebrities, hell even the strangers on the street because to you, you didn't even come anywhere near close to them. And perhaps you never would. A fact you'd gotten use to, not really sure where you fit or in what box which had lead to deep rooted insecurities that would bubble away inside your heart and mind.

Emily, healed the pain in your heart. Especially on the bad days. She never pushed or got mad if you couldn't decide what felt you. Right even. Instead she'd sit with you and be your listening ear, guiding you through the waters of emotions that seemed to submerge you that day. Being Emily's partner was truly something you would've only thought could exist in dreams.

On the good and the bad days she was there, never asking for anything more than you were offering, and that helped for a while, but soon the fears of her getting bored by the lack of sex crept upon you. That's when you decided to work on feeling better, to be brave and attempt to make love to your girlfriend of almost a year. She was patient with you, only ever wanting your happiness even if that meant you never felt comfortable enough for her to touch you, it didn't matter, because she loves you for your heart and not just your body.

Today, Emily noted you were feeling a little more on the feminine sides of things, you would smile if she accidentally called you princess or her sweet girl, rather than recoil from those pet names and timidly inform her that today that just felt so wrong. And of course she respected your feelings and mostly stuck to gender neutral terms of endearments like "love, darling, sweetheart and baby." But today was the day, you wanted to finally let Emily have you, and for you to have her. To be finally one.

It all started with some drinks with the BAU to gain some courage before you started to get a little handy with the Agent. "My darling? Are you okay?" She whispered causing you to whimper and inform her you wished to hide in her neck. A small chuckle came from the woman as she resumed her conversation with Garcia and JJ. Soon enough you got bolder, simple kisses placed to her pulse point on her neck. The pure feeling and shock of the sensation had the dark haired woman choking on her drink. "My love" she murmured causing you to peak out from your hiding spot. "Mmm" you murmured, pupils dilating indicating to the profiler just what you wanted. "Are you alright?" Garcia was quick to ask you both. "We are okay arent we love? I just think they need to get some rest now, isn't that right baby?"

Following along with Emily's plan you bid your goodbyes, pleased at how everyone respected your pronouns of they/them, despite the slightly more feminine attire. "Emily" you whimpered on the drive back to your flat, you couldn't quite understand how you'd manage to survive so long without her touch. "Shush baby, almost back so you can change out of the clothes okay?" Change? No, she misread your signs, a slightly frustrated sigh left you. "I want to be yours properly not change" you whined quietly a beautiful blush covering your cheeks now.  Oh, the agent hadn't even considered that's what you were after, after all it wasn't uncommon for you to bestow kisses like you had in order to leave situations and keep up the pretence that you'd very much made love. "Okay my love, if your sure you want that. I want you to feel good sweetheart okay?"

That was how you found yourself, back up against the wall, as her lips roamed the smooth skin of your neck, biting sucking and kissing along their travels, Emily's hands trailing over your body as she murmured compliments for you. The woman had you feeling so good you couldn't wait for her to touch your bare skin. In fact you weren't below begging for it despite how much you didn't like your body, seeing Emily enjoying herself made you want, no need more. "Please Em, want you to feel good" you whimpered as she harshly sucked a nice sized hickey on your pulse point. "Oh darling, I feel fucking fantastic, let me please you? Please? I just wanna watch you so blissed out by my own hands. My perfect lover."

That was how you found yourself stripped bare on the bed, the self conscious feelings eating away at you now. But she chased them away. Hands and lips mapping your body as she spewed praise at every opportunity she could. "Please" you whined, now too far gone to care, just needing her. "Okay baby, just say the word purple and we stop okay?" She murmured and you nodded instantly. "I need words sweetheart" she chuckled still caressing your body. "Yes I will just for the love of god Em."

Emily's mouth was like no other, you weren't a virgin by any means, and you had your fair share of toys, after all you were human. But this with her was heavenly. Your own insecurities way to far gone to prevent you cumming on her tongue embarrassingly quick. "So good, you taste so good my pretty princess, so so sweet for me. My good baby" she praised licking her lips as you allowed your breathing to regulate, the brain function to be self conscious had been fucked away well and truly. "More?" You whimpered causing Emily's eyes to sparkle with delight. "Of course my lover. Anything for you my love, so Damn perfect; doing exactly as your told aren't you love?"

From here Emily introduced you to her toys, some were vibrators for your clit other dildos including a wireless controlled one, and did she enjoy telling you just how she planned to use it in you. Buy your favourite had to be her cum filled strap. Not something you were ready for, but the idea of soon was fuelling your intense arousal. Emily had you cum again for her by using her little clit vibrating toy, until you were screaming her name and your juices gushing from your core.

In the foggy haze you realised she hadn't cum, you hadn't touched her, yet she informed you that tonight's just for you. Her special love, and you can always touch her at a later date, right now she wants you to feel loved, wanted and so special. That's exactly how you felt falling asleep on her chest minutes after she finished cleaning you up and giving you some water. For once your insecurities were silent.

Word count~ 1314

Tag list

[x31043]

I guess im just bothered that when youre born an called a woman youre then constantly told to shut upforever,but when the opposite is true youre constantly encouraged to speak up.Youre ridiculed for not doing it, but to me thats different than being hurt or even killed FOR doing it. That means that childhood sucks. Adolescence sucks. Youre really in a place of forced subservience for your whole existence. You have to break out of that so hard. Youre physically smaller. You are trained to ignore yourself until you are broken. You are trained to be something that someone uncaring will shove themselves in and take, take over. You are literally raised to be an object to be used and discarded. That is UNIVERSAL. I know some people epxerience that without being born & assigned women, but for those of us who are this is literally a universal experience. You are fucking made to be a fucking sex robot and a servant and an agreeable nodding nothing whose opinions dont matter and nothing else. You are TRAINED in social cues and spend your whole life noticing every little thing and forcibly keeping all your opinions inside. Everyone should be lifting our voices up!!! Trans people should be screaming up at the sky not at others to keep their voices down!!

This literally makes me want to scream. Women are not treated better than men. Why would trans men be treated better than trans women? Where are you seeing that, where??? They have SPECIFIC, DIFFERENT experienes and also many that are the same! Because its a fucking spectrum, remember that discourse? When youre trans it doesnt work all neatly in two categories like that. I look like a trans women. Many trans women look like me. Many of us are non-binary and our gender is basically the same regardless of how we were brought up. Why can you ask me my genitals now and if i dont answer i get canceled. what the FUCK is that. Why has it become like this. It started as “our experiences are different, we need a space to talk about the ways they are not the same.” and now its-- disclose whether youre dmab or dfab to be a good ally to trans women. We have to talk about it ALL THE TIME. WE have to go based off genital differences to determine how you are privileged or not. That’s not the fucking way to move our community forward or to connect as individulas. And Guess what?? Trans women don’t even want it!!!

TME is a term that trans women made for VERY SPECIFIC CIRCUMSTANCES. It can be applied to SPECIFIC CIRCUMSTANCES which require a very nuanced and exact language. I may be fucked up for saying this but There are times when trans mascs and butches face a speciifc, different type of transphobia to trans women, too. And they deserve a space to talk about it, too, while still DEFENDING trans fems from terfs. This seems fucking obvious to me. when its white ppl it all pales against transphobic racism anyway.

And that’s the long and short of it, bc trans women arent the ones I see taking about TME. They arent the ones actively claiming they have worse epxeriences with gender and dysphoria. Thats all like cute Nonbinary transmascs typically who are white telling me my experience was a lot easier than others in my community. And to me thats a part of this fucked up socialization--always talk youself down, and hold others like you accountable for reaching beyond their capacity. Other DFAB people telling me to shut up about my transness is fucking ironic in a way that doesn’t make me want to laugh. You were told to shut up your whole life, so now you’re going to put that on me?? Why are we doing this in the first place then?? WHy if not to reclaim the voice that was stolen from us?!

My genitals are thought of as absolutely inconceivable. The 20 pounds of weight on my chest is thought of as a dirty thing I literally need to press and constrain into tight and uncomfortable shapes or I will be violated when I go outside. Do you have any idea what that does to a kid?  I bet you know what it does to an adult. It’s a very similar experience! We need a space to talk about this without being called terfs or told to check our TME privilege. I am going to one day be a man with a beard in a dress. Whats not clicking?

[abyssal-debonair]

You're making a lot of flaws in this argument that doesn't reflect reality while painting broad strokes to vilify transmasc people— oh, sorry, "maladaptive tmasc spaces," conveniently tagging #transandrophobia so you really mean transmasculine folk who talk about how transphobia affects them. Because acknowledging the oppression they face is "maladaptive."

my theory about this which is very constrained by my personal aka white experience is that one of the things that happens to u as a white baby girl and then as a young white woman…

Here's the major problem: you're coming from a white POV presuming everyone you're talking about is white. They're not. For instance, I'm a Black trans man. Many of the people this website has vilified, who founded and contributed to transandrophobia theory, are Black, Asian, Latine, indigenous, or Jewish transmascs and nonbinary folks speaking from their own experiences or the experiences of others. The harassment campaign against them relies on whitewashing these users to make their arguments and perspectives seem much more shallow than they actually are, as if they're not founded on these folks' racialized experiences within a racist patriarchal system.

And even if the majority of these people were white, that doesn't automatically invalidate their ideas. A lot of founding tenets of disability theory were made by white scholars. Does that void every concept within critical disability theory, whether disabled people of color contributed to them or not (which they have btw)? Absolutely not.

Also, stop sticking "white" in front of a group of people you're bigoted against to make it seem okay. "White women," "white gays," "white aces," "white trans men," "white theyfabs" — majority of time I've seen these phrases, it's not to call out racism but to appropriate antiracist rhetoric to be to misogynistic, homophobic, aphobia, and, dare I say, transandrophobic.

**Not to say there isn't anything to criticize about white women and white gay people, but I've seen many go on the say some horrendously sexist and homophobic stuff by tacking "white" in front then go on to be sexist to Black women and homophobic to Black gay people, because they're not really talking about white people.

if ur going to be aware of ur own misery and oppression under patriarchy u have to like develop these repetitive cycles of validation of your own oppression and internal experience as Real and Valid. because everything is very invested in making you forget. and then this cycle can continue when u transition: the overwhelming majority of bad reactions to transmasc people are based upon that previous reaction to girlness which is to infantilize u and dismiss you and treat u like u arent real. and so as a continued reaction to this many tmasc people become singlemindedly focused upon Realness and Validity. Realness becomes the Only Real Problem, the one Great Wound to be healed.

Fun fact: transphobes see us as girls, so they infantilize and dismiss us. Which is what you're doing here by trying to intellectualize and assume what our thought processes are to make our actions seem frivolous.

You're using a presumed proximity to "girlness" to repudiate transmasculine people — that we act like girls, react to oppression like girls, are "maladaptive" like girls with "extreme disproportionate reactions."

First off, girls and women don't all act the same. That's basic feminism 101. Some similarities exist, but the entire group doesn't share those traits.

Secondly, you're assuming all transmascs maintain their "socialized female" behaviors. Again, many don't. Some do, but it's unlikely that everyone in this whole group of trans men and nonbinary folk you're referring to. There's also many who knew they were transgender young, transitioned young, and had a boyhood, not a girlhood. For those who realized they were trans later, they may not pick up "girl" thought patterns and behaviors, so they didn't even have a typical girlhood, especially not a "white girlhood." I certainly didn't.

You keep using the word “obsession” as to dismiss anyone who talks about transandrophobia as a concept or reflects on it upon themself — they're not serious, they're like obsessed girls. You keep using the word "validity" as if to argue this is only what transandrophobia is about to make it seem as a "terminally online" thing — they don't care about real problems, they just want to be validated at the adults table.

It's a sign you're not really paying attention what many in the #transandrophobia tag are talking about or even transmascs outside of tumblr. Reproductive justice, accessing gynecological care and domestic violence resources, corrective rape, misinformation about bottom surgery, police brutality, and ableism used to strip away bodily autonomy are all serious issues falling under transandrophobia that many transmascs are vocal about and actively counteracting.

I'm not gonna deny that many are discussing the validity of transandrophobia, mostly because many are on the defensive from folk attacking the validity of their experiences, their identities, and their ideas. It is reasonable to fight back with counterarguments and affirmations against this offensive.

then they lash out with an extreme disproportionate reaction with the specific aim of invalidating or appropriating the other party's experience of oppression

You can't "appropriate" oppression you yourself experience. I can't "appropriate" my medical abuse. I can't "appropriate" the rape threats I received. I can't "appropriate" my dad kicking me out the house for being transgender. I can't "appropriate" the restrictions around my testosterone.

And much of the "invalidating" coming from this side is criticism against terms that divide the queer community. "TME/TMA" has been repeatedly called out for exorsexism and intersexism inherent in the dynamic as well as how the terms are largely used to vilify trans men, not discuss transmisogyny. "Misdirected trans/misogyny" is literally only used to tell trans men they don't have unique experiences under transphobic marginalization. “Theyfab” is literally a slur.

they start literally viewing transmisogyny as a privilege

No one is doing this.

an over-focusing on Validity can create situations where people can become incapable of actually recognizing the severity of other people's non-validity-related experiences of pain and suffering.

Again, this isn't happening. Talking about oneself in one's own circles or when invited to in other circles does not mean one dismisses or minimizes the experiences of others. Just because you don't have the mic for a minute doesn't mean the person with it doesn't give a shit about you. In fact, many of the trans men who discuss transandrophobia also discuss transmisogyny, exorsexism, and intersexism. They frequently invite trans women, nonbinary people, and intersex folk to contribute to the conversation with their own experiences and how that manifests as transphobia at large.

Do they mostly talk about transandrophobia though? Yes, because they're transmasculine. They talk about their experiences in being transmasculine and that's as fine as folk who talk about their experiences in being transfeminine or genderqueer or intersex. They know the limits of their own experiences and don't talk over others.

What does piss me off are people who aren't transmasc who demand to be in a of conversation that isn't about them, assert themselves as all-knowing about the transmasc experience, and demand transmascs shut up.

you DO have privilege over trans women

We don’t. It sucks to be trans whether you’re a trans woman, trans man, nonbinary, or genderqueer because of transphobia. Gender privilege doesn’t exist when you’re transgender. Stealth trans people don't have privilege because upon coming out or being outed, they lose all supposed "benefits" of being presumed cisgender. If your privilege relies on being in the closet, that is not privilege.

The concept of gender privilege relies heavily upon cis feminism, which does not adequately capture the trans experience. It's shortsighted to presume it does.

Fact of the matter is you're apply a lot of assumptions that don't line up with reality to demonize transmascs and perpetuate the discourse that makes this website hostile to them.

my theory about this which is very constrained by my personal aka white experience is that one of the things that happens to u as a white baby girl and then as a young white woman is that bad things are happening to you, and everybody needs to convince you they arent happening (to make sure u are subjugated but still content enough to further the project of white supremacy). and also nothing you think or feel or want can be real or meaningful bc ur just a girl.

and so if ur going to be aware of ur own misery and oppression under patriarchy u have to like develop these repetitive cycles of validation of your own oppression and internal experience as Real and Valid. because everything is very invested in making you forget.

and then this cycle can continue when u transition: the overwhelming majority of bad reactions to transmasc people are based upon that previous reaction to girlness which is to infantilize u and dismiss you and treat u like u arent real. and so as a continued reaction to this many tmasc people become singlemindedly focused upon Realness and Validity. Realness becomes the Only Real Problem, the one Great Wound to be healed.

which to my tfem friends can explain a lot abt the weird way tmasc heavy spaces talk about gender: its a lot of reassuring yourself and others that you're Valid. that youre Real and Valid. youre So Valid. which for most of the tfem people in my life has been kind of bewildering because the truth is if ur tma nobody needs to tell you what youre doing is real because immediately people start doing transmisogyny at you.

[glitchdollmemoria]

just finally fully processed that like... i dont really suuuuuper identify with the label of "trans man". ive known for a while that im iffy about calling myself a man at all, usually if i do its in a sort of performative sense if you get what i mean? like the idea of a man. the concept. but im not a man in the sense of being a Binary Man, which is why i also tend to feel more comfortable calling myself more casual terms like guy or dude, or terms that include femininity like girlboy or ladyboy, or neutral terms, or just making sure to play around and mix up whether im calling myself a wannabe milf or a wannabe dilf at any given moment.

and i DO very much identify as trans, transgender, transsexual. those are all labels i regularly use for myself both externally and in my own mind. but ive realized my transness doesnt really change that i dont entirely identify as A Man. im like, schrodingers man. im a man when its funny or hot or when i appreciate the differences between my gender and my partners gender. or im a man when i feel forced to pick between only two options.

but ultimately when i do call myself a man, im never saying it in the way most men call themselves men. theres always a degree of separation there, like a fogged up glass wall. i can write messages in the steam. i can draw a smiley face. i can draw my lover. i can draw a funny dick with huge balls. and the men on the other side can do all the same, we can even play tic-tac-toe. but we arent ever going to be on the same side of the wall.

for the record, theres also a fogged up glass wall between myself and other women, but the glass has cracks in it - not enough that i could ever break through and be the same kind of woman as them, but enough that if im not careful, ill get cut and start bleeding all over the damn place. and so, growing up, i distanced myself from my own womanhood, less in the sense of avoiding other women but in the sense of avoiding acknowledging the similarities between their genders and mine. if i tried to interact with womanhood, id get cut, and then everyone would see what i was made of, and theyd say "womanhood cut you so you could never be a man".

but now that im on hrt, im beginning to realize just how many differences there are between myself and binary men. i knew i was nonbinary before hrt, but i wasnt able to see just how much. my body has given me so many new similarities, but they make the differences so much more obvious. so i start to try drawing on the woman side of the glass again. i can better see where the cracks are, so i can better avoid being cut. i draw messages, and a smiley face, and my lover, and absurdly huge boobs, and i play tic-tac-toe with the women on the other side. i realize i can almost be one of them, the same as i can almost be one of the men, and i can do it without getting cut as much. and when i do get cut, its not as much of an issue. i know how to bandage my wounds by now, at least better than i could before. there are more people who dont care about seeing my blood spill. there are more people who can see my blood and appreciate it for what it is. its not a big deal. its just how i was made.

and then i find the cracks in the other side of the wall, as im doodling on it, when my finger gets sliced on manhood. and i realize: my blood was never one or the other. because now people are looking at it and saying its the blood of a man. it was all one big joke the whole time. it was all fake. it was all just people threading strings between one thing and another, and coming to conclusions about their own perceptions without considering the reality of my body, of my existence. my blood, and muscle, and sinew, and bone, and hair, none of it is "man" or "woman" on its own. people are the ones trying to claim otherwise.

and all i can do is bandage my wounds. so what am i?

[cios-correct-opinions]

so you’ve never spoken to a radfem in your life

im only answering this as a way to make this info publicly available btw any other asks within this vein will be deleted. just so yall know ahead of time

anyway

i actually have spoken to an unfortunate number of radfems in my lifetime, sadly. on varying levels of the indoctrination scale. all of these experiences have been largely negative based solely on the fact alone that their "goal" was to "save" me or w/e and "show me the error of my transgender ways". as if that's ever in good faith when used in any other argument w any other minority esp within the queer community ever lmfao. so understandably, they were quite distressing, especially when i was a kid.

here's the thing.

even if i weren't trans. even if i weren't nonbinary or a trans man, or in some alternate universe where i am AMAB, a trans woman/transfem. i'm still black. i know bioessentialist bullshit, where it comes from, and where it leads, intimately.

there is a reason why, even if individual radfems themselves deny this and/or aren't willing to engage in this behavior, largely, groups/organizations/whatever tf terms they're using to mask the fact that they're a violent hate group radfems use which are founded by and/or primarily made up of radfems self-identified or otherwise, are often seen or discovered to be in cahoots w white supremacist/n-zi/fascist/other racial "superiority" based regime fundamentalist/traditionalist groups. there is a reason. and it is not hard to see.

radfems are almost word for word in some cases simply re-packaging n-zi/white supremacist/KKK/race essentialist/facist/etc groups' ideology/"science"/teachings/misc. assorted bullshit under the sparkly guise of "feminism" and "female liberation" or "lesbian separatism" etc etc

it surprises me exactly not at all that radfems either dont care or arent aware or arent willing to address this issue. i expected that from those sad losers who are intent on blaming everyone but themselves for their problems, who insist that they aren't at all in any way responsible for feeding into the systemic oppression that is the patriarchy in reality, who insist that everyone BUT themselves examine their behavior/beliefs/etc.

who believe that the patriarchy would magically disappear if all those "Evil Male Penis-Havers" (heavy sarcasm) were simply systemically slaughtered(*) because it is easier for humans, historically as a species, to pick one group of people to call the Other, the "Them", and blame their problems on Them, and "if we just got rid of Them (code for: queers, black ppl, jewish ppl, native american ppl/indigenous ppl worldwide/disabled ppl/mentally ill ppl, etc etc the list goes on and on and fucking on), all of our problems would go away too!"

i expected this from them. cool. fine. they're easy to block bc they make it obvious who they are from their incredibly visually unappealing and often straight up inaccessible, but nonetheless telling, blogs.

i'm just disappointed in the supposedly anti-radfem crowd, esp my fellow trans and nonbinary folk n other queers, who blindly follow the radfem ideology, and then when it is pointed out to them, regardless of how kindly it is done or how nicely or privately etc, unfortunately often react defensively instead of being willing to listen. that's what upsets me and makes me sad more than anything.

like yeah radfems also upset me and make me sad at times, esp when i get unwillingly exposed to their bullshit bc it makes my head hurt with how stupid it all is. but im far more upset n hurt when ppl who should be by all means on my side, are more willing to side w the ppl they claim to hate rather than listen to me when i talk abt yknow. my life experiences.

(*)(i mean. that alone, no matter how you package it, is genocidal. the fact that they want AMAB/people they label as AMAB whether theyre "technically correct" or not, folks to be subjugated in ways which ultimately lead to their eventual "eradication" so as to "liberate" the poor suffering AFABs who can't fight back any other way (again heavy sarcasm), is, no matter what the reason, genocidal. they want a genocide)

any terfs and/or radfems of any kind who interact w this post will simply be blocked on sight. im not about to waste my precious time and energy debating w yall. just do me a favor n stay away from trans folk irl and online, yall hating us does not mean abuse towards us is justified esp when the ppl ur harassing are strangers to u. like cmon man. if someone specific in ur life is causing u grief maybe talk to them abt it personally, dont do that shit where u bother random trans folk or harass them for some strange reason for "daring" to exist while trans (heavy sarcasm, we r clearly not in the wrong here but yknow, these ppl are apparently already unable to understand this so -shrug emoji-)

[butch-bakugo]

I'm just asking since you can say it, I'm not going to say it but I've seen people discuss how trans women can reclaim fag- which even if I am trans, I'm not a trans woman so I have no experience with that. But I haven't seen it the opposite way round?

I'm not taking this as a way to say it- I'm just curious, is the history of D^^ke one that excludes trans men from it's usage ? Is it one that those who use it aren't sure on? Once again I'm genuinely not here to argue or say we should use it, I'd just like to see what's happening and what those of us here that like women feel about it.

Thank you and sorry about the long ask

This is... Kind of complex.

A binary trans man who isnt attracted to women shouldnt be saying or identifying as a dyke. However, if they vibe with the wlw/nblw communities and arent just a full binary man with no nonbinaryism in place, they can be a dyke.

The whole premise behind dykeism and what defines a dyke is a masculine person who isnt a cisgender man and has a prominent attraction to women. Of course, femme and feminine dykes are the exception to the masculine portion of the identity but in general, most homophobes only go out of their way to call masc wlw/nblw dykes.

Its really deep in the idea of how, as a trans person who is attracted to the opposite gender, your often mistaken as a gender nonconforming gay person. Theres also all the gender confusion that comes with nonbinarism.

Like.. Most of the time, a transmasc wlw/nblw/mlw is gonna be called a dyke for looking masc and being with women. Same for transfem wlm/nblm/mlm will be called fags for looking fem and being with men.

So yeah, if a transmasc nonbinary or nonbinary trans man loves women and feels at home in the dyke community, who am i or anyone else to tell them no? Most of them were butch lesbians before this. Theres even an identity for those who are both a straight trans man and a nonbinary butch lesbian called cuspers. ( cuspers also cover people who identify as both a straight trans woman and a nonbinary gay man)

Fluidity of gender really fucks things around and it gets dicey. I can personally attest to the confusion and this idea of singular identitiy alliances( like you should only really exist in the wlw community vs the mlm communtiy and bs like that) as someone who is both a man and woman and loves both men and women.

Historically speaking however, trans men who love women were included in dyke rallies and dyke events.

Final answer though: as long as the trans man is also nonbinary/isnt strictly male, loves women and feels a significant connection to the wlw/nblw communities enough to count themselves among other dykes, i see no issue with them saying or even identifying as a dyke.

The only people who genuinely care, usually like to police nonbinary lesbians identities and pronouns. They are sus at least and transphobic and racist at most.

[questioning-culture-is]

Hi i was wondering if i could have some help regarding figuring out gender?

All of the resources ive found dont really help and while i know labels arent required they make me feel more comfortable bc theres other people out there like me if that makes sense

I identified as a lesbian for years until i addressed the awful feeling some parts of being addressed as afab like i hate she/her pronouns and feminine clothes and being called ms, but i like being called someones girlfriend and just being a trans guy doesnt feel correct nor does demi and I really like he/him pronouns

I like men conceptually but not in actuality and i just don’t really know how to describe myself but id like to have a word.

Any advice or suggestions?

first of all I'd like to mention that gender presentation doesn't equal gender identity, so you can be a woman and use he/him or be a guy and someone's girlfriend.

I would try using more broad labels at first and see which parts fit you and which don't. So maybe nonbinary, or genderqueer, or gnc (gender non-conforming) work for you. Or something like genderfluid or multigender. Just finding one aspect of your gender that you know can be a great starting point (for example knowing you aren't a girl or guy is a good starting point so then figuring out whether your gender changes might be a good next step, or whether it's multiple, one, or less genders). And if you feel like none of those terms make it any easier you could check out xenogenders.

There are also a lot of people who use lesbian (and similar terms) as gender identities and don't identify further, might fit you too.

hope this helps

-toni

[strawberrybouvine]

I'm honestly curious, what are your personal headcanons for the mane six's pronouns? I love hearing what everyone thinks :)

Oh yes ! I love pronoun headcanons !! :D

Twilight Sparkle - She/Her - most comfy with feminine pronouns ! Never really thought about using anything else, so she just goes with what's shes use to. Doesnt really mind neutral ones but again is most comfortable with she/her.

Pinkie Pie - They/She/Neopronouns - primarily uses neutral pronouns but switches up daily really. They use a variety cause she feels like xer gender is incredibly fluid and can change on a dime. She wears an "ask me about my pronouns pin" alot so xe can help others when they switch her pronouns out !

Rainbow Dash - She/They - nonbinary woman RD owns my heart. She uses mainly she/her but switches when they want and prefers people switch up which ones are used for her.

Fluttershy - They/Them - I see flutters as agender ! they have a hard time correcting people but they do only go by they/them. Fem pronouns arent a big deal to them if use them but they do feel bummed when people use she/her for them all the time. Luckily they've gotten better at standing up for themselves and have their friends to help them gain confidence into their pronouns !

Applejack - He/She - butch/gnc enby AJ !!!! He does ID as a woman but theres something about masc pronouns that hit different for her ! She uses primarily masc pronouns around those shes comfy with and expects his close friends to switch up with fem pronouns but she'll use primarily fem pronouns with people he doesnt know.

Rarity - she/her flexible - gender is performance, darling, and she will kill it ! She uses fem pronouns primarily and doesnt really switch to neutral much but she does like to experiment with her pronouns as much as she does her fashion. She treats pronouns much like an accessory and will match with whatever shes feeling at the moment.

[juiceastronaut]

Okay so. I watched Q-force. And I have no idea what I think about it.

Imma just be rambling so I'll break down the characters and my likes/dislikes about them before giving my plot breakdown at the end. Only the main/prominent ones because I don't have time.

Steve Maryweather-Easily the best character out of them, with Deb being a close second. He could've very easily fallen into the trope of being someone who was incompetent but expected the world anyway, but he doesn't. He graduated top of his class, and despite his quirks is a genuinely competent team leader, and wants the best for his team. He wants to prove that he and his team are competent enough to get recognition, and has a genuine faith in the people around him. It was refreshing to see him hold his team in a genuine high regard, where a lot of times it's like "We're shit but lets do this thing now" He's a genuinely well-rounded character, and (and forgive me if this isn't the best way to frame this) it feels like being gay is an important part of his character, without encompassing the whole thing. I thought Benji and his relationship was super cute and I was sad when they broke up. I was afraid he was going to be, like a second but worse Twink with the stereotyping but gladly fell away from that.

Deb-I thought her and her wife were super cute (though I hate how the wife is designed ngl adjafkldajfd). I liked Debs character, but I feel like she had a lot of racial stereotyping that wouldn't be inherently obvious unless you were looking for them, her being the strong one, and also the "mama" type at the same time. No one treated her with disrespect, and her lesbianism seemed to be more authentic but I feel like there wasn't a lot of thought put into what these tropes were and why they were bad. Her being black and making her the mama type, as well as the big strong type could be read as tasteless. Again, I really liked her character but these were some things I noticed while watching.

Twink- You know, I didn't really like him at first, I thought he was the epitome of all the bad stereotyping (though I'm just glad him and Mary didn't get put into the same category). His humor isn't my taste, and it just kinda seemed like someone for half of his lines went "what twitter stan language can we put in here?" And sometimes it was a bit too random for my tastes. However! I do like that his drag was considered important and was an integral part to a lot of missions they went on, and not just "Ah look at that dumb gay trying to find reasons to dress in drag." His talents and expertise were both respected and, save for Buck (which his whole point was supposed to be offensive anyway) no one undermined Twink for his femininity. His back story is also kinda random but did play a role in the missions as well. Still, personally think he's the worst character. Plus, he's French so minus four-twenties amount of points.

Stat-You know, in a show where everyone was stating what letter they were every few seconds I was surprised that I had to look up that Stat was trans. I...liked her character for the most part, except the part where she was fucking a robot. Kinda weird ngl, outta left field, and with her being trans I wonder if her having that sort of relationship is problematic for her. Love her design tho, love me a hacker girl. She's also listed as "ambiguously gay" tho showed to have mostly girl love interests but, okay.

Buck-He's the straight guy, emotionally repressed haha and he's bigoted. Did think it was funny later on when he was more "accepting" but managed to be even more infuriating about it. Tied with Twink as worse character but you know they tried to do stuff with him.

Vee-Really liked me a boss lady, but kinda weird how they bait-and-switched us with her actually being a lesbian, then go "no she's straight tho" in regards to Karen. I thought her and Mary's relationship was cute, wish I saw more of it. But she did feel like a random plot device in later seasons, what with her disappearing and reappearing when it was plot relevant. (Tho she HOTOHOTHOTHOT bikini episode WOOOWEEEE)

....

Okay, so now the plot....which. it had one?

It felt like it was flip flopping back n forth about whether it wanted to take itself seriously or not, and it seemed to decide on serious more towards the end, but then it would have this random plot element that would be so out of left field it would pull me out of my suspension of disbelief. See the whole "Back cracking to unlock memories" plot point. This back and forth on whether it would be a comedy or not I think weakened both categories it tried to play into.

If I had to compare the show to anything it would probably be Futurama, but the thing with Futurma is, its set in the future, so you're suspension of disbelief is allowed to stretch a bit more because all the wacky quirky stuff can be attributed to future shenanigans. Q-force, to my knowledge, is set in the modern day, which makes the wacky stuff that much wacker, because it's set in our modern times, which you apply the rules of everyday life to.

A lot of the problems that I had with Q-Force is, in the attempt to write specifically about the "gay experience" revealed that the writers have really only had a very specific experience of interacting with gay ppl, what I call the "Urban Gay" experience.

The fact they're in West Hollywood, and all the things that were listed as "universal gay experiences" but were only things that you'd be exposed to if you were in the city. I think a flavor of "white gay" can be implemented here too, which Q force has exactly one black woman, who manages to be the only lesbian.

That coupled with the fact that, there's a difference between having Twink naturally being a drag queen, the whole team being gay to some degree, and the fact they interact with the gay community often without Drawing Attention to all of those things and self-congratulating itself on concluding it. Funnily enough, Q-Force had examples of doing this right and doing this right. Right way: In the second or third episode where Mary found that guy with the flash drive to the uranium in it and seduced him in the gay bar. Relevant that it was gay without overtly drawing attention to it. Wrong-Way: Having Pride go on while Girl Boss was trying to take over the world.

And, for the show that promoted itself as representing the gay experience, there were...two gay men, one lesbian, one trans person, one straight guy and...no bisexual people. Also no nonbinary people. Like of course it's unrealistic to include every single identity but you're one bisexual person who appeared for one episode and was promptly blown up. And also showed to be...more off than the other characters, what with the stealing of silverware and all. Just, bisexual people are already forgotten enough as it is and not including them in the show, but you include two gay men just kinda reads as tasteless to me (as a bisexual person, obviously).

Which makes it so weird that Stat was left "ambiguously gay" when she could've easily been bisexual (which still would be problematic because of the robot-fucking but at least you got the B in there somewhere in the main group)

Overall, it tried to market itself as the "be all end all" of what it was like to be gay, but ended up excluding the exact people that get excluded in real-life lgbt spaces. This combined with the indecision with what kind of show it wanted to be managed to make it fall short. If you arent the very specific type of gay person who lives in a city environment and doesn't fit the stereotypes showed you're not going to feel "seen" by the show.

Weirdly though, I didn't hate watching it, and I would probably watch another season if they managed to make one. The parts that did work, I think worked really well, and even the bad parts just read as tasteless, and not actively terrible. If they focused less on making "hey I'm gay" jokes every three seconds and just let each character be what they are I think the show would be stronger for it. And I think they'd find less problems overall if they did that too. In the mean time I'll just be here side-eyeing the whole thing.

Edit: I forgot to mention, and this is a problem a lot of adult TV shows fall into, that because they got the clear to show nudity/sex they felt like they *had* to show nudity and to a lesser extent sex every episode. So just that whole "Haha adult=sex obviously."

Oh! And this generally goes for the whole "shove it in your face" part, but a lot of the characters who are bigoted were shown to be. Very blatantly so. And not to say there isn't blatantly bigoted ppl of course they are but I don't think that's where you see a lot of bigotry nowadays. This was sort of touched on during the show but more of a jokey manner, but I think it would've been more realistic if we had more "girl with a gay best friend" kinda bigotry as opposed to the "I'm literally hurling slurs at you" bigotry, especially since they're in Cali.

[fembot-y2k]

Long post about something I think about a lot and that doesn’t matter to anyone else but me probably

I’m sure there’s a million posts out there on why good representation is important and good but I just wanted to talk shortly about something that happened to me in a recent span of a few months involving a character in a dumb game about collecting jpegs of anime women and hunky dudes with giant swords.

There’s a game called Granblue Fantasy, its an extremely popular gacha game/JRPG with a very large roster of characters and a lot of stuff to do as far as reading through character lore, fighting JRPG battles, raids, and basically playing VNs for character dialogue. It’s a pretty good game, and one of the coolest things about it, is it has (to my knowledge, I dont play/keep up with it very often) 2 canon trans characters. One is named Cagliostro, an alchemist who was born as a man but through extensive experimentation and some self discovery has since transitioned into a woman, hell bent on making herself as cute as possible. Fun right? She’s presented extremely well and is one of the game’s more fun characters. The second character is one that has become a personal favourite for me for many reasons, her name is Ladiva.

Ladiva is a part of a race of people called the Draph. The Draph are a humanoid, and pretty much human looking, race of people with their defining features being their large stature and bovine like horns and ears. This is important because male draph are usually much larger and more muscular than female draph (but its a horny anime game so who can say they’re surprised lol). Ladiva, as my discussion here makes obvious, is a trans woman belonging to these folk. Because of this, she’s both quite large, muscular(and more masculine presenting on the surface), and has rugged looking facial hair. The surprising thing about her presentation in comparison to how she looks, is that she’s presented incredibly well. despite her appearance being not as feminine as it could be (with Cagliostro even offering to make her a new totally feminine body only to have Ladiva refuse, stating that she should love her own body along with the rest of herself) she’s treated as what she is, a woman.

So why am I talking about this? Why am I putting my poorly put together thoughts on this tumblr post no one will read? Well, I am trans. I have felt a certain way about myself all my life that I’m sure most trans people can echoe so I won’t wast time waxing poetic about how I’ve always felt more feminine than I was “supposed” to be. My core purpose of this post comes from the fact that I am 6′2, nearly 300lbs of muscle/fat/body hair, and have had a full beard since I was 14. I am EXCEEDINGLY masculine, which has made my own internal struggle with my transness sort of difficult to accept. A sort of constant push and pull of wanting to just repress it all because I already pass as a man and wanting to work towards being who I know I actually am. Another factor is that I never felt truly comfortable with purely feminine pronouns. In highschool I went by a different name, and I used she/her pronouns and for a while it felt okay. But it was always just, okay. It never felt right on top of several people giving me some rather hurtful backlash for it and how it contrasted so much with my physical appearance. So I stowed it all away until about a year ago. I now have something that I didn’t have before, a truly wonderful and supportive group of adult friends who treat me like an adult as well and take me seriously. So through careful examination of how I felt i began trying new things to explore my identity. It began with me deciding I wanted to use they/them pronouns, this stuck and still feels like its the right thing for me along with the label of Nonbinary. However, slotting myself into this new label and finally feeling comfortable in an identity brought about new thoughts as well as new things to mull over in my head. Things like the fact that most nonbinary representation in media falls under the same category of a waifish AFAB person who presemts femininely if not androgynous, and how people like me are a vocal minority within the community itself even being excluded by a small portion of it. It was a new set of things to tackle and think about. But that aside, with them came the most important thing I asked myself, “am I comfortable with how I am now? Or do those thoughts I had all those years ago mean something?”

This question isnt easy. Gender is a strange subject and is different to everyone who experiences something with their identity, so I wont pretend like I have any definitive answers for anything because, there arent really any of those. The question for myself, boiled down to “Am I more comfortable identifying as transfeminine, or am I comfortable with just being nonbinary.” This question vexed me for a little while. It hurt to think about. A lifetime of bullying and being made to be ashamed of my body type and stature had made my confidence in myself rather lackluster. This made the decision more difficult. It would be easy to try and own a sense of pride in being a masculine presenting nonbinary person. There aren’t many of those in representation as I mentioned before, and at the time it made me feel nice to think that it was what I wanted. But those thoughts I had all those years ago did mean something, and thats not who I am. The answer I ultimately came to, was that I am trans, and want to present more feminine than masculine, because that’s who I know I am, and not just what I think would be easiest. So, to bring it all together, how the everloving fuck does this relate to a character from a gacha game? Well, when i first saw Ladiva I nearly wrote her off as a character that probably was used as a disrespectful  joke on trans women and how they’re viewed. She’s not though. She has an entire montra of loving herself and others for who they are and owning every aspect of herself, including her body. She’s not a small lady, she’s a large/muscular wrestler who, in no mistake of words, still looks very masculine, right down to her facial hair. But none of that matters, not her appearance, not her beard, not her height, she’s still a woman and she’s seen as one by the others around her because, well, that’s what she is. She makes it known and others accept, or at the very least, respect it. It was something entirely new to see something like this in a form of popular media, and in turn it gave me an odd sense of self confidence in my own current appearance, even though I do intend on changing it through HRT and other means (exercise and other health related means). It meant a lot to me to see someone who was, in at least some way, like me who was loved by the community of the game she was in. And it still does. In conclusion, Ladiva is a very cool character, and her existing gave me a boost of confidence that helped lead me towards accepting things about myself that I had found it hard to previously. Go look into Granblue if you like games like that, there’s even a fighting game that came out not too long ago. Thanks for reading, if you did, this whole post is long and kind of dumb because I’m kind of dumb. But I wanted to put it somewhere. Have a nice day <3

[lesbiradshaw]

Genuinely interested in what you think about Bucky being perceived as female-coded in some parts of the fandom. I read that thread years ago and agreed with because it sounded logical, but now I'm not so sure. Recently found out about the existence of this Tony Stark meta essay called "Tony Stark as the most female-coded superhero" and they use the same arguments: loss of agency, playing the damsel in distress role more often than their counterpart, etc. I can't take "fm-coded" seriously anymore

oh boy ...

idk how long this will end up but to preface whatever we do end up with: 1) im a nonbinary lesbian so my perception on what it means to be a woman and femininity in general is not going to be what a lot of other peoples is and 2) im a few months out from getting a degree in gender studies. take that for what you will. no i will not be arguing about this in my inbox.

to be frank, in my opinion, bucky being female coded is bullshit. not only is it bullshit, i have seen it used as a weapon by so many white women and terfs that even if it were true, i wouldnt care! whoever came up with the term “woobify” (which i have most often seen used in reference to how tony stark is treated) needs to tell bucky stans that they aren’t exempt. a lot of them see bucky being a victim as something that needs a continuation into every other part of his life, hence why he’s so often put into these weird dynamics with his ships and given traits he’s never displayed on screen.

i keep thinking of disclaimers to make in anticipation of people coming to my inbox crying so here’s another: if you are a woman or someone who feels a close connection to certain parts of womanhood, me saying bucky isnt woman coded in no way takes away from you identifying with him or parts of his story. that is personal. a woman’s personal relation to him is not reliant on “woman coding” as i’ve seen a lot of white women and terfs suggest, not does it strengthen the existence of such coding. coding is created within the original media, not within the fandom.

i also just realized ive been using the term woman coded rather than female coded, but i think subconsciously there is a reason for that that ties into one of my main points pretty well: the mcu stan’s definition of “female” coding relies on stereotypes, not about female roles, but about what it means in their opinion to be a woman. the issue with this is they take traits they think only exist in (cishet) women and use them to deem these (cishet) male characters as woman coded when in fact these traits are not exclusive to women and enforce weird standards upon people who are women that might not be cis or het or share these traits!

tony stark being short and bucky having long hair is not what would make them woman coded. bucky being rescued by a man while woozy is not what would make him woman coded. bucky being submissive to pierce when LITERALLY BEING BRAINWASHED is not what would make him woman coded. and perhaps a harsh wake up call: bucky’s story hinging around loss of agency issues and trauma in no way shape or form is what would make him woman coded. does it perhaps make him easier for many women to relate to? yes. but is this something exclusive to women? no. a vast majority of trauma victims are going to relate to him, and chalking up trauma to being something female makes me feel really funny.

i know exactly what thread youre talking about lmfao and its right up there on my shit list next to the childlike bucky post. theyre actually very similar now that i think about it ... but anyways. now that ive listed my woes about what doesnt make a character woman coded, what actually would! AND HERE IS WHERE WE GET INTO AN ACTUAL CASE OF WOMAN CODING! mr prequel series anakin skywalker aka my shakespearean downfall dilf. why is he seen as a valid example of woman coding? i will tell you.

the thing about woman coding is that its meant to subvert heteronormative tropes while remaining self aware of that to exploit and emphasize the change. DO YOU HEAR ME? SELF AWARE! anakin is given many of these stupid stereotypical traits i mentioned before, but they arent reliant on physical appearance at all. they are reliant on roles. padme is the levelheaded senate leader, the one with power and stability, while anakin is hotheaded and frankly a bit whimsical while he struggles for his own type of power and control. another classic example of woman coding (which i actually wrote a paper on last semester in my men and masculinities class) is heathcliff from wuthering heights, whose counterpart to his coding is cathy. both men have that whimsicality in common that contrasts heavily with how we would expect them to act. bucky does not act like them at all.

the reason that this is different from bucky and steve’s ‘damsel in distress’ argument is the self awareness i mentioned before. not to mention the weird heteronormative standards being applied as requirements for their gay relationship to be seen as valid because it “fits the narrative” but .. anyways.

anakin and heathcliff both have their subverted traits played up in a way that shows off how ridiculous the women usually written in their roles are forced to act. its tongue in cheek, because woman coding is not only about individual traits, but about how the character interacts with the story because of this as a whole. bucky is often seen as woman coded because he is put into these situations where he is “rescued” by someone that half his stans see as his love interest (steve my baby im sorry) when hes really only rescued maybe twice? at azzano and from the water when the helicopter crashed. only one of those is a real damsel in distress situation. all of the others are cases where hes fighting his own way out ????? bucky doesnt just sit around waiting for a “real man” to get off his ass as that post suggested but i digress.

anyways. mcu stans lack any self awareness that would be required even if bucky and tony were woman coded. calling them woman coded does not count as self awareness! the real self awareness comes with recognizing that woman coding doesnt actually make these characters women and it doesnt mean they forever belong in these “female” roles. mcu stans take the stereotypes they pick out at face value and use them to say “look! bucky is a bottom!” or to continue taking away his agency by ignoring all of his other actions and traits that dont fit in to this mold theyve made around the idea that he needs a man to save him or boss him around. his story as a whole is the only thing that would make him woman coded and seeing as there is no self awareness of this shown, no attempts to subvert, he displays little to no traditionally feminine traits, and loss of agency on its own is not something that only applies to women ...

in short: in my opinion, bucky is not woman coded. mcu stans just like rolling with stereotypes that rely around cis bodies and straight relationships. the end.

[enbypanposi]

Enby slime/soap/sand stimboard with cats? Tyy!! 💕💕 Personally, it's great to see a blog with so much positivity ^^ with this request, I have a question, how do you feel about lesbian/gay enby's? He/him wlw/wlnb's and she/her mlm/mlnb's? I think pronouns don't equal gender or sexuality but I was wondering someone else opinion?

Well first Ive queued the stimboard and it should be posting soon, so so sorry for the wait. I think lesbian and gay nonbinary people are great! Gender can be really complicated and the labels weve made are sometimes not great at relating the complications of gender and how it affects attraction, so I have nothing but respect for the nonbinary people who use those labels despite the seeming contradictions--in reality, there arent any, just perceived ones because we want to simplify things that cant really be simplified. And yes, pronouns definitely do not equal gender! Again, gender and sexuality interact in a lot of ways, and sometimes the way we feel about others influences us to see ourselves in different ways. he/him wlw/nlw have expressed this probably the most and the best, that attraction to men is seen as a womens role, so women who love women take up a mans role and connect to masculine things more, or at least feel disconnected from a womans role and feminine things, which is why a they might chose to use he/him. It says nothing about their gender but a lot about how society views gender and gender roles. People who use pronouns that arent typical of their gender for other reasons or just because they want to are just as valid too! Sometimes theyre really just arbitrarily gendered words that you can do whatever you want with since gender is essentially completely constructed and fake.

[writerice]

Honestly, South Park is a really good show. Anyone who calls it racist today, fundamentally misunderstood why it makes of fun of busybodies, as well as why remaining chilled, calm and cool is actually a good thing. People complain a lot that South Park is a show where uncaring is cool, and where people who care too much are the butts of jokes. Now, I never want to do this- I don’t want to deny someone else their perspective- But these opinions are built on shaky premises, and misses the mark.   First lets start with Eric Cartman, who is recognized as the source of a lot of the bigotted comedy in the show. Eric Cartman, ever since the first season, had almost always been put in the role of an antagonist/ that one drama queen who no one wants to get involved with. He finds ways to manipulate situations if it’ll mean he’ll receive something out of it, and is a self-centered person to the extreme. When he says bigotted things, we’re supposed to find him disagreeable and hateful, and his being funny will never make what he says to be okay. We’re also supposed to feel refreshened whenever Stan and Kyle immediately admonish him for being a dick, which is also funny, because holy shit, not only do we have a child spouting antisemitic bullshit, but we have children who will actively tell their peer to fuck off! Its wonderous. This is WHY South Park was so fascinating to begin with; Before South Park, there was never a seriously funny depiction of kids using realistic adult profanity while having childlike discussions on topics that were considered political.  Now lets move onto Stan and Kyle: These two are clearly shown to be awesome and cool kids who just want to have fun and enjoy their lives. They don’t want to be roped into things that adults tell them that they’re supposed to be worried about. They’re kids, they live in the present. They live uncomplicated lives, as any 8-year old should, unless its something they’re interested in, like an adventure involving other kids from their class (anyone remember them capturing a paper fortune teller from the girls?). They don’t force themselves to care about things. They understand from a young age that ungenuine about causes can be harmful, and a waste of time and energy. 

When they DO genuinely care about things, we have cool and rich plots emerge that are related to our understanding of them as characters- Stan has successfully helped save the lives of veal up for slaughter, as well as whales. Kyle navigates his Jewish faith and identity while being one of the most compassionate human beings on television. Even better than that, these boys arent’ even particularily strongly identified. Stan isn’t that “animal rights activist”, and Kyle isn’t that “humanitarian child”, they’re flexible and dimensional characters. They have their moments where they’re just being kids and are relaxing and having fun like normal, as opposed to brooding over shit that they can’t control. It seemed like South Park had an accurate depiction of what a healthy attachment to identity/cause actually looked like, WAY beyond this era of neuroticism where people are encouraged box themselves.

It says a lot of sad things about children nowadays, too. Children in the current generation are pushed harder than in prior generations in being perfect students, with mandatory volunteer work pushed onto them and being told that they need to develop their life’s passion in time for college plans. Some of them get pushed into becoming esports stars or child Youtubers by their parents. When do they even have the chance to be children anymore? 

Now, onto the adults of the show: The adults are always screwing things up. They want to ride on causes that they aren’t truly aware of. 

They are their own society’s disruptors; They often neglect to critically examine whether their call for action and change are justified. They don’t check to see whether their actions are necessary, or if their methods are reasonable. Sometimes, their actions create more damage than if they didn’t do anything at all! And this is why we mock them- Not “for caring”, but because they’re busy bodies; Their motivation to act or call for change comes less from wanting to affect meaningful change within their society, and comes more out of a vague desire to want to “better themselves”. 

Its the type of selfishness that we don’t really speak enough about in our current society as we should be- How people get intertwined into causes they aren’t truly thoughtful enough about, because they’re just encouraged to get passionate about “anything” that moves them, or “anything that seems worthwhile”.

And this is both stupid, as well as dangerous, because you want people to be mindful about what the real affect of their “help” is. Some things that people do in the name of “help” either don’t help the people it’s intended to help (the only poor family in South Park, the Mc Cormicks, get a single can of vegetables on Thanksgiving via a gameshow-like contraption, and they don’t even get a can-opener for it), or make matters worse for those it claims to help (Like Bono claiming that Timmy playing in a band was akin to mocking his disability).  People can, and should be encouraged to help make a difference, but you don’t want a culture where you keep pushing people to change things for the vague reasoning of “being a good person”. You want people who are informed, aware, are capable of critical thinking, and who can tell when and where their efforts are actually needed. 

Also, this is extremely important: But South Park is, like literally everything ever, a product of it’s time. This show was made during the 1990′s to early or late 2000′s, when things like media activist groups existed to police and censor stuff for people because of those things being deemed “insensitive”. This was before the internet was fully used on the scale it is today, so people were being limited from being able to watch/read/play or otherwise access media based purely on stupid, petty shitty reasons.

Like not allowing children to enjoy Canadian television because farting or using cusswords is “too offensive”, where you were dealing with Karens who had way too much power and time to spend. It meant telling Karens/Boomers relax and not to deprive other people of their ability to express themselves just because they didn’t think their interests were “appropriate”. Totally a different thing than when we talk about the generalized concept of sensitivity today, when we’re refering to how human beings are made to feel as based on their identity. 

Kyle’s lectures at the end of an episode are meaningful- It doesn’t exist to “undo” any offensiveness in an episode. He’s a voice of reason who brings together the social commentary. I don’t see why anyone would ever have a problem with it. Is it obvious and easy? Yes. Does it put a nice cap on the end of an episode to return everything to status quo in time for the next one? Yes. I loved it. I thought it made for a comfortable, easy viewing experience. It may be considered formulaic, but thats how they made the end of an otherwise edgy episode feel wholesome, or depart a message of value.

Its easy to see this as an “attack on caring”, if you’re applying it directly to today’s movements and stuff, but that requires a lot of willful ignorance, and an even greater lack of understanding the context the show was made in. We all have access to wikipedia, no one has an excuse. 

TL;DR, it didn’t “age badly”. It was extremely relevant for its time. Context matters, and this show was perfect for the context of it’s time. The creators are doing their best to address current modern day topics with new story-telling, so maybe look to the present and be amazed by how much they’ve decided to change in those regards instead of repeatedly making everyone who grew up with the show feel old. Sincerely, a nonbinary pansexual liberal woman of color who just wants to enjoy South Park as the greatest still-running animated satire ever, thank you

[jamiebluewind]

Hey so I saw your post about the correct terminology to use when referring to LGBTQIA+ folk and it was really helpful! It made me remember a question that I had so hopefully you can help out with it? It's about Steven Universe and how gems are non-binary but all the gems we see identify as female and are referred to as such by the creator and fandom. I saw a post that stated calling Ruby and Sapphire (two gems) lesbians is wrong because they are non-binary. But if they identify as women (1/2)

Then arent they technically representative of both? Since their species/type of being is non-binary but they identify as women and are in a relationship together? Sorry for the randomness of this question but I saw your post and figured I'd see if you can help. Thanks for any help you can give and I hope you're safe! Cheers! (2/2)

First off, here's the post they are referring to if anyone is interested.

It honestly depends on the person/people and what terms feel right to them! Yes the gems use she/her pronouns and present in a way that conforms to what we consider feminine (save certain fusions), BUT that does not make them any less nonbinary than someone who presents in an androgynous way and uses they/them. How someone presents themself does not corroborate or invalidate their identity. There's no right or wrong way to be nonninary or trans for that matter. You just... are.

Now on to the complicated stuff! Some nonbinary people add an additional identifier to better explain how they feel in their mind and body (think of it like the gender version of romantic vs sexual identity). For example, a nonbinary woman could be someone who is nonbinary acknowledging that they were socialized as a woman OR a nonbinary person who feels the most comfortable presenting as a woman regardless of their birth gender.

When it comes to attraction, the words to describe who one is attracted to can get a little confusing for people who don't neatly fit in the binary, so it is often left to what the person feels most comfortable with. Nonbinary people don't HAVE to like all genders (as many automatically assume). Choosing lesbian/gay over gynosexual/androsexual isn't automatically wrong either (and is actually what some of them prefer to describe themselves with). I have many friends on the nonbinary spectrum that I call home and the terms they use to describe who they are attracted to varies and depends on the person's preferences.

Now on to gems. If I allow myself to assume (which I don't do with real people, but I can't actually ask them so here we are) Ruby and Sapphire seem to be nonbinary women or genderqueer. What words we use for them would normally depend on what they are comfortable with, but using what we know, she/her, nonbinary, woman, or lady should be okay (maybe also boi) until told otherwise. As far as attraction goes, they seem to both be attracted to people within the feminine spectrum, so both lesbian or gynosexual (or perhaps gynoromantic asexual) would be acceptable words until we find out their terms. WLW could also be a possibility. Really, we can only guess and accept that their actual terms could be something we have not considered and words they disapprove of might not be ones we have considered.

For example, I'm nonbinary, my exact term is femfluidflux (I move between female and nonbinary genders without ever getting over to a majority masculine identity) demi-omnisexual (I like all the genders, but I need a bond with someone to feel attraction), I'm good with most pronouns and words except "Miss" (which is upsetting and can make me feel dysphoric), and my female appearance does not invalidate my identity or visa versa. Without speaking to me, you would have to assume a lot of that based on context clues and no matter how good you are at sleuthing, you wouldn't get it EXACTLY right and that's okay! Most of us will correct you when necessary and appreciate people trying.

Tl;dr: We can't know the exact identity of fictional characters unless it comes up in the show/book/movie or the creator tells us (and even then - just like in real life - those words can change when a better one is found). We can only use context clues and must accept the fact that it will be imperfect. As long as the guess is respectful and does not ignore canon, it's fine. With nonbinary characters, you can use the information above to help. When it comes to real people though, just ask. If we want you to know, we'll tell you ^_^

PS: Sorry my reply took so long. Life has been crazy lately!

[wis-teria3]

Hi i wanted to ask you something that has been bugging me a lot, do you think pansexuals are biphobic? A while ago a blog was blasting that pansexuals are transphobic homophobic and biphobic :( and idk it just really hurt me a lot ??

Hi anon! Imma keep it real with ya, pansexuals themselves are not biphobic, however the label itself is engraved with a biphobic and transphobic history. But that is to say modern pansexuality! There's actually multiple types, objectum (I believed thats spelt right) is one of them. But that's another post (if ever) that I'd have to do a lot of research on lol.

While the history of the word does start in the early 1900s thanks to Freud (which idk why anyone would want to rely on his bs for stuff), the modern term and definition began here

This right here? Heavily biphobic and transphobic. To define trans men and women as something other than just men and women, is disgusting. They arent some third one. Androgynous isn't some other third gender. Non binary is literally...anything not on the binary. And in our manifesto, we demanded that people not assume we were binary to begin with.

It was a label born from biphobic individuals. It stole our terms, like "hearts not parts" which were from the AIDS crisis. A thing we were getting blamed for spreading because to heterosexuals we were sexual deviants!

Future definitions from saying "pan means genderblind" which kinda sounds like people who say they're colorblind and don't see race before saying something...well racist. It just never has sit well with me even when I used to identify as pan. "We love personality not the gender you are" sounds incredibly lgbphobic. Why is this the only sexuality that cares about personality and makes the rest sound like sexual deviants? Why does it appeal so well to how homophobes have talks about the lgbt community for years? Because it literally implies the same thing. "I'm pansexual because I would date nonbinary and trans people" which doesn't make sense since nonbinary is lack of gender like...gender gone fam. But like if you say men and women, trans men and women better already be implied.

Then in 2008 published article Questioning Gender and Sexual Identity: Dynamic Links Over Time had an interview of a pansexual trans woman Lori who claimed:

“Bisexual relies on two genders, and I don’t really believe in that anymore… it makes it very problematic …”

Lori’s solution was to adopt alternative labels, such as “queer,” “pansexual,” or “omnisexual,” and her preference for these terms was directly influenced by her increasing familiarity and experience with the transgender community (…)

“So I think [identifying as pansexual/omnisexual] is more about saying it doesn’t really make a difference what their gender is, it’s more about who you’re attracted to.”

This is disgustingly biphobic. We have been here since the beginning and this was a call of replacing??

Then in 2010, the flag emerged with...basically looking like the bi flag with slightly toned different colors and yellow. Which...the purple in the bi flag represented the every thing outside of binary man and woman on our flag.

But as a reminder, this was and still is what the bisexual manifesto says about our own definition.

“Bisexuality is a whole, fluid identity. Do not assume that bisexuality is binary or duogamous in nature: that we have “two” sides or that we must be involved simultaneously with both genders to be fulfilled human beings. In fact, don’t assume that there are only two genders. Do not mistake our fluidity for confusion, irresponsibility, or an inability to commit. Do not equate promiscuity, infidelity, or unsafe sexual behavior with bisexuality. Those are human traits that cross all sexual orientations. Nothing should be assumed about anyone’s sexuality, including your own.”

So no pansexuals aren't biphobic or transphobic or homophobic....but it is disgustingly deeply engraved in your labels history. It is rampant with bi erasure, trans chaser sounding phrases, and a history of trying to sound superior and more woke.

I also want to address why people might feel uncomfortable labeling themselves as bi. And I can tell you from experience its probably internalized biphobia and that is a bitch to try and square out. I refused to come out as bi for a while because of fear. Pansexual was a new term when I was in high school and it gave me time to get out if situations if maybe they were just confused. Then I learned bi history and just...realized how biphobic I sounded.

It hurts to have that type of realization and moment of yourself, but its okay to still not know what you are and what you label as. But I do encourage pansexuals to learn bi history and terminology as well as our phrases and impacts, and instead of speaking over us, listen to us, and to look into themselves and take the time to think "why am I so uncomfortable with a harmless term?". Because we acknowledge that homophobia and lesbophobia and transphobia is bad...but why is biphobia just discourse? Instead of defining ourselves for ourselves, both hetero and others have defined us for us.

There's a reason people say "oh so bi?" When some come out as pan...its because what you're describing is what bisexuals have been screaming for people to understand about us for years.