#and that gang is how you a straight guy have sex with your gay buddy and never once think it might have some bearing on your own sexuality

[leashybebes]

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 can we get the part where buck allies himself into sleeping with his bestie 👉👈

okay okay i have time before my meeting lol. just for you, here's some ridiculousness 💛💛

"No luck?"

"He said I was obviously here with someone and he wasn't interested in being a - a proxy in our weird psychosexual games."

"Huh. He sounds fun. Lucky escape, man. Weird psychosexual games sound like a great way to spend a Saturday night."

Tommy laughs like he can't help himself.

"Who did he think you were here with? Maybe there was someone checking you out, we could - "

"Really, Evan? I think he might have thought I was here with the guy who was grinding up on me for ten minutes before shoving me in his direction."

"Wait, me? Oh, shit! I totally cock blocked you, dude, I'm sorry!"

"Don't worry about it."

"No, c'mon. Find another guy, we'll get you sorted out. Or, uh." Evan can feel the pre-echo of what he's about to say rattling around in his head, and the three shots he's had isn't nearly enough of an excuse, but… "Or I could, uh. Help you out?"

"Uh - what?"

"Believe it or not, I do know how to handle a dick," Evan says, gesturing vaguely between his legs. "And I mean - an ass is an ass, right?"

Tommy's eyes are…a little fixated at where Evan had gestured. It's not not flattering.

"You're straight, Evan."

Evan shrugs. "Sure, but I also ruined your night by like - dry humping you on the dance floor so. Let me make it up to you?"

He's not quite sure why it feels so urgent to him that Tommy ends the night satisfied, but he's doing his best to be a good wingman and this just…saves them both a little effort, is all.

Tommy closes his eyes for a second. "I must be fucking crazy," he says under his breath. And then, in a more normal tone, "Sure. Okay."

[the-soliloquies-of-sadists]

#246

“Here boy. I know who and what you are. Do you know who I am?… Liar. You’re a faggot liar. Yes you do. You have been drooling over me for weeks now. Follow me. I got us a room at the motel next door….

“The regulars here at the diner don’t care that I prefer fucking faggots like you over broads. I just don’t broadcast it like you do. I’ve seen you talking to some of the boys I have fucked. You know I have a big dick and that I pile drive boy cunt.

“I’ve seen you in the parking lot. You watch the guys like me going into the bookstore across the lot. You want to follow them in, but the bookstore won’t let you. They know you’re underage. Until today. Now you are legal to fuck. Yeah, I know your 18th birthday is today. I know a lot of things about you. I know you cruise the bookstore, and the bathroom the bar shares with the diner. I know you are finishing up at high school.

“Here’s our room. I fuck the owner and he let’s me use a secluded empty room whenever I need. So, you can scream when I tear up your cunt. Having a big dick has many many many advantages. I need to let off some steam from a long day on the farm. Get naked, I’m gonna get the ropes out. My reputation is well known that I am a twisted fucker. Hell my conquests told you the such, and yet you came with me here.

“Always remember this, I am always in control of everything. Right now, that includes you. Naked. And then get on your knees and face me. See, it’s natural for you to follow orders. And where’s your phone?… Hand it to me…. Continue stripping. Well,… You’re kinda scrawny. You’ve never worked a hard day at anything, and it shows. Damn your pecker is tiny. That’s the way I like it. My cock is fucking huge, and you need to realize your place is on your knees in front of real men. You will never be a real man. You do know that, right?…

“You know what I want you to do. I want you to beg me to fuck you. I want you to beg me to brutalize your cunt. And while you are begging me and degrading and humiliating yourself, I will be jacking off to you. Having a big dick requires a little extra tugging to get hard. I know you wouldn’t know anything about that. You are too focused on your cunt. And call it a cunt a number of times, especially when you are fingering it. I want you to tell me that you need for me to rape you. Your goal is to degrade yourself. Tell me how much of a faggot you are. And focus on your tiny clit there. Tell me how you envy any real man with a real sized dick. And the thing I need for you to beg me to rape you—not have sex, not make love—rape. Use that word often.

“Here look up at me, at your phone. Thanks for letting me use your face to unlock it. I will be recording this on your phone. I want you to have a record of how low you are. I want you to watch this every morning as you are about to jack off at home. Speaking of jacking off, I should take my cock out for you. Damn, even totally limp, it’s way bigger than yours hard.

“You have three minutes to fully degrade yourself. Go!…

“…That’s time. Ok. See how big you got me? The full nine and a half inch dick, ready to rape the hell out of you. Crawl over here and blow me, but first put on this blindfold. I don’t want you to see anything. Good, now show me how good you are as a faggot cocksucker. Throat me to the nut. Put as much spit on it as you can. That’s pretty much the lube I will be using to tear your cunt up. Maybe if you are good, I will use some spit on the cunt. Take your time, but throat me. Get into it faggot. I’m gonna chill here… Open that fucking throat… Gag on that monster….

“You really are pathetic. Get your ass on the bed, face down. Need to tie you down. What? Now you want out? Aww hell the fuck no. I said on the fucking bed. Ok. You really want this to be a rape don’t you? Look I know my way around ropes and tying up livestock. I do work in a farm, and I am a part of the local rodeo. Calling out for help ain’t going to help.

“And, I sent myself a copy of that video where you are begging me to rape you and to show you no mercy. Nobody will believe you. Just a few more seconds, and there! You ain’t going nowhere now. You are going to be in that position for some time. Your cunt is on display, ready to be mounted.

“But first, I’m going to fuckin’ welt you up. I got my son’s belt here; mine doesn’t move through the air as nicely as his, and besides I’m still wearing mine. You don’t even deserve me stripping for you. When it comes to whipping, I don’t stop to let you recover.

“Being your birthday, It’s eighteen strokes in a row. Start your fucking screaming now. One, two, three,… louder fucker, you deserve every one of these strokes… Eight, nine, ten,… I can already see the welts forming. Oh yeah, bright red cheeks get me leaking. When I hit number twenty-five, I’m going right to the root whether or not you are ready. And it’s not going to take me very long to nut in you. Fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, and… eighteen.

“Quit your crying faggot. Here, bite down on my son’s belt. You really have me leaking here. And… all the way in. Fuck yes! This cunt hasn’t been fucked much, has it? Stop your screaming, I asked you a fucking question. You get fucked much?… No?… Wait, that was a cherry pop? Oh fuck yeah. I’m close to giving you some cream to go on your cherry pie. Oh yeah. Fuck. Take it bitch. Feel my load fill you up. Faggot.

“That’s what you have to look forward to for the next few days. Oh man, fuck. I’m gonna lay here for a while. Watch your head, my cigar is only an inch or two from your cheek. I don’t want to brand you,… well at least not yet. Let go of the belt. Holy shit. You really did bite down hard. I can’t wait to give this back to him and tell him how the teethmarks came about.

“Oh yeah, he knows I’m gay. He doesn’t care. He’s totally straight, and I mean totally straight. Now just lay there; you ain’t going anywhere. But I want you to hear this. Yeah, I kept my sex life away from him until one day when he walked in on me fisting his math teacher, Mr. Gunter.

“Oh yeah, he goes to the same high school as you. He too is ready to graduate. You know him, oh yes you do. You’ve been texting him all year, ever since he transferred to your school. You were not very nice to him. In fact, you and a few of your friends beat him up. And what reason did you have for giving him a black eye?… Don’t remember? You called him a faggot. You told your friends that he hit on you in gym class. Talk about projecting.

“When he came home suspended for fighting and with a black eye, I wanted details. He gave me your name and showed me your pic in the yearbook. And wouldn’t you know, I recognized you from your attempted bookstore runs. A week later you start hanging around the diner. You couldn’t get into the bar area, but you sat every Friday afternoon in that same spot in my line of vision, pretending to read that book while groping yourself. So subtle.

“I had your background run by a this cop I regularly fuck. He told me a shitload about you. He’s the one that informed the bookstore across the street that you were underage. There’s a boy—a year older than you—that I fuck who is a Facebook friend of yours showed me your wall. I got to go through every word you wrote while he was giving me head. And unlike you, he knows how to deep throat. Again, having a big dick has its advantages.

“And about that time, you and my son were suspended, you posted a viral video of a bullied kid getting revenge on the bully by sleeping with the bully’s mom. And your comment was something like, ‘Best served cold.’

“Funny thing is, I’m out. While I don’t broadcast it in this tiny town, but I don’t hide it. My son and ex-wife know. The ranch I work at knows. Hell, the main reason how I got the job was that I fucked the owner and told him that I was looking for a job. The guys at the bar all know. So how were you going to humiliate my son? He probably would say, ‘He fucked you? You ain’t the first, you won’t be the last.’ or something like that.

“So, what’s happening next for you? Certainly not humiliating my son. No, for you, I have plans. I’m gonna fuck you again. I’ll leave you tied up. The motel is going to get full later on tonight, mostly truckers. I’ve let the motel owner and the guy that works the bookstore that you are here ready for all horny truckers.

“Tomorrow, I’m going to pass you over to this biker club one of my friends is a member of. He already set up something really nasty for you. The gang already knows what a piece of shit you are. They can’t wait to get their hands on you, and I can’t wait to hear all about it. By the end of the weekend, your cunt will be destroyed. I will give you two black eyes to make up for the one you gave my boy. Most likely your hair will be removed. You are going to be beaten. Hell, my cop buddy is a former boxer. He’s going to string you up and use you as a punching bag.

“And in the end,… I will decide if you keep your balls. Wow. That’s the first time you have flinched while lying under me. Aw, shut up. I work with livestock every day. I know how to castrate a bull. I haven’t decided about you. Just keep that in mind throughout the weekend. You complain or resist, your balls will be in jeopardy.

“You probably won’t see much of me. But I will you. I have it arranged to have it all filmed for me. I expect to see a cum hungry faggot whore knowing his place of being used by real men. Your balls will depend on it. For me, I’m going to be with my son doing dad things.

“And I don’t plan on letting him in to the fact that you are a faggot whore lookin to get raped seeing, he already knows. How do I know? I text him, while you were trying to give me head. I wrote, from your phone, ‘I have to get this off my chest. I am a faggot whore. I can’t live in the closet anymore. Please share this video.’

“Then I sent him your video. While you are going to be in a living hell for the next four days, you won’t be able to stop him or anyone from finding out. This is how I want it. As I said before, I am always in control of everything. Oh, and happy birthday.”

[bluespiritpaintedlady]

All Roads Lead to Kawata…

This is Part 1 of an excerpt from my Mitsuya fanfic over on ao3 called “Love Endures”. The female in this story is NOT the main OC of the story. This is a side character from Mitsuya's past. It falls within his backstory. This is the story of how she meets & gets involved with the Kawata twins, which later becomes a real problem for her AND for MItsuya. Part 1 leads you up to her just meeting them. Pt. 2 is more…uhhh, juicy, let’s say. Ok, fine it’s like straight up fucking porn… *shrugs*

So, yeah, this is my Kawata Twins hole I fell down. Oh my Goddd… Hope y’all enjoy.

There’s no, like, in detail sex in this one, so I don’t think I’m gonna label it MA but a few explicit things are mentioned. Oh and lots of explicit language of course. I mean, come on, that goes without saying, doesn’t it?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thursday, February 1st, 2007

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Koko! Yer gay, right?”

“Ew, fuck off. And it’s none of your business, anyway. I barely even know you, really. It’s only cuz Shin and your brother were buddies…”

She rolls her eyes at him.

“Whatever. I’ve known you since I was 11.”

“Uh huh and yerrrr what, now? 12?”

“Suck my dick, Koko. Anyway, soooo, that’s a yes, then?” She laughs. “Look, I don’t give a shit that you wanna fuck Inupi in the ass. That’s your thing, man. I just want to ask youuuu where all the hot guys are. And I don’t have any girlfriends anymore-“

“I wonder whyyy.”

“Shut UP! And I trust your judgment on cute guys, cuz yer gay.”

“Ugh…whatever, Aya. Yer such a bitch.”

“Uh huh…just dish, ok? What about the guys in your gang? What is it? Toman? Guys in gangs are soooo hotttt… All the muscles and the tattoos, oh my Godddd… So hot!”

Koko smiles. He really doesn’t like “guys”…only Inupi. He and his sister were the only people he’d ever fully opened his heart up to. But, still he recognizes beauty in the opposite sex and she was right. Biker guys <i>were</i> hot.

“Ok, shut up, you hentai. But yeeeeah, our gang has plenty of eye candy. Quite a bit, actually. If yer askin my opinion, no gang looks better than ours….like not even close.”

“Ohhhh, this sounds promising.” She rubs her hands together and gets a devilish look on her face.

Koko rubs his chin. “Hmmm, I don’t know if I should allow a wild ass cougar to be released in the midst of the guys, tho. You could do some real damage.”

“Ohhh pssshhh! First of all, I’m not some old lady lookin for young men…”

“Might as well be…”

“Ew!” She smacks him. “And do you really think poor wittle me is gonna do <i>anything</i> to those big bad bosozoku?? Come onnnn, Koko. Stop being fucking dramatic about eeeeeeverything.”

His eyes narrow to slits. “Slugging fists isn’t the only way to hurt someone, y’know?”

“Yeah…I know…” Her head drops sadly. 

When she doesn’t say more, he turns his head to look at her. He sees the sad lost look on her face. His brow furrows.

“Hey, are you-“

“-Awesome. Well, when’s the next time you guys are all getting together? Or, y’know…at least the hot ones.” She giggles.

He looks at her and smiles. “We don’t split into groups, y’know? All the hot ones over here and all the plain bitches over there.”

“Heh heh, bitches! I love it. They probably are a bunch of bitches. Bet I could break ‘em.”

A look of slight concern comes to his face. “You could probably break most men. That’s why I never fucked you. I know too much…I’ve seen too much.” He shakes his head.

She doesn’t like hearing this. “Soooo, when’s the nexxxxttt tiiiimmeee…?”

“Ugh! We get together once a week, usually Thursday or Friday, depends. So, that means we’re getting together tomorrow tonight but it doesn’t matter, cuz you can’t actually come to the meeting.”

He doesn’t say anymore.

She looks at him with large eyes. “Okaaayy, annndd?”

“Well, I mean…if you show up right at the end, all the guys’ll be there. We usually hang around and talk afterwards for a while. You’ll be able to see us in all our glory…” He smirks at her.

“Well, I doooo love a man in a uniform. So, how many members you got in Toman now?”

“Why? You thinkin about fuckin ‘em all?”

“Maybeeee…” She laughs. “…but then that’s none of yer damn business Koko, and I’ll thank you to stay out of my personal affairs!”

They chuckle with each other. “Uh huh.”

“No, I actually just wanna figure out if I know anyone other than you in there.”

“Well…yeah, Shota’s in the gang.”

“Shotaaa?! For real?! How the fuck? He never told me he was… Oh, now I’m angry. Ugh. Anyway, ok well, he’s my ‘in’ then.”

He rolls his eyes. “Why do you even need an “in” anyway? Just show up. I mean you know me</i>.”

“No, stop. I can’t do that. I can’t just walk in and be like ‘hey bitches I’m here to fuck!’”

“Well, at least it’d be honest…” He turns and looks at her. “Seriously, don’t go fuckin up the guys in the gang. Please. We already got enough fuckin bullshit to deal with, without you whippin everyone up into a pussy-frenzy or having to deal with mul-ti-ple broken hearts.”

“Nooo, I really just want to find one, Koko. I know I talk big-“

“Yeah and you fuck big, too.”

She laughs. “Yeah, I definitely do. But I’m tired of it all, Koko. I’m sooo fucking tired. I’ve gone from one tragedy to the next to the next to the next…” She trails off, lost in painful recollection for a moment. He turns his head away, this was a bit too “intimate” for him. He liked to keep things surface…and for good reason.

She finally continues, “…and now from one guy to the next to the next…”

She trails off again and he picks up where she left off, “…and the next and the next and the next.”, he says with a grin. 

“Shut up, cocksucker. I fight with Dai all the time, so I know I can take your tiny ass.”

He puffs up his chest a tad. “Bigger than <i>you</i>, bitch.” He walks out of the room and grabs his coat mumbling, “I’ll show you small…”

She hears him and laughs. “I wish you would, Kok’. I’ve been tryin to get some of that for a while now.”

She hears “Nope!” float in from the other room. She giggles.

“You dooonn’t knoooww what yer missssinnnn!”, she sings to him.

He laughs loudly and comes back in the room with his coat thrown over his shoulder hanging down from his fingers. 

“Damn Koko, you are hella fly and hella stylish, as always. If only every man had your kind of style…and hotness, too. Damn.”

He turns back around and points towards the door. “Down girl! And I’m leaving, sooo yeah…”

“God, yer so rude… Will you at least give me a kiss before I go?”

“Will you leave if I don’t?”

She smiles big and shakes her head, acting all shy.

“You can’t “pursuade” me with your little “act” so just stop. And come here…”

She giggles and runs over to him.

“Give me your cheek.”

She gives him a pout. “Awww, come on. Just a little sugar, baaayybbbyyyyy?” She smiles.

“Nope. I gotta cut you off.”

“Ugh. Whatever. Fine.”

She puts her cheek up to him and as he goes in to kiss it, she pulls the oldest trick in the book, the old bait and switch. She turns her head quickly and kisses him on the lips.

He lets her have it for an extra minute because he really doesn’t care and he knows how happy it makes her. When he’s had enough, he pulls back.

“Ok, that’s enough. Tiiiimme to gooooo!”

She giggles and hops up and down. 

“Thaaaankkk youuu, Kooookoooo! I looove yooouuu!”

“Uh huh. You love me for my doggy-style.”

She looks him up and down again. “Ugh. I wissshh!”

“Yeah…we definitely need to get you a guy. I can’t keep fillin in.”

“Oh stop it. I haven’t done anything to you that’s hurt you. You certainly didn’t hate it.” She licks her lips. “So, shut up!”

He smiles at her and they walk out together.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  Friday, February 2nd

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

>>12:30pm<<

“Shaaaattoooo! Hey, wait up!” She runs up to him, he watches her bounce. When she reaches him she grabs a hold of his arm and presses her breasts up against his arm. Her high school persona is running strong. “Heeey Shato! It’s been a little bit, right? I was hangin with Koko yesterday and he told me you were in fucking Toman! I didn’t know that. Why didn’t you ever tell me?” She play smacks him and moves in maddeningly close to his body.

Her closeness is throwing his mind off its tracks. He speaks to her in a lowered voice, “Uh…well I mean it’s not something I spread around at school, man. I can’t risk getting a bad rep here. My dad will end my life if I do badly at school.”

She nods like she understands his struggles. Then she gives him a pleading look. 

“Well, I wanna come.”

“Umm, what?” He swallows.

“I wanna come with you!”

“Huh?”, he squeaks out. 

“And see the gang. I want to meet your friends.”

He looks at her confused. “Come with me? Huh?”

“Tonight, of course.”

“Oh..uhhh…heh heh, well… The guys get really crazy about that kind of shit. Uhhh, you can’t just show up at one of our meetings.”

“No, silly…” She presses her tits tighter against him. “I want to come <i>after</i>. Can I? Pleeeaseee?”

“Um…” He’s startin to sweat.

She brings her face right up to his and then leans in to whisper in his ear, “I’ll do annyything to be able to coooommme, Shato.” With a sexy little whimper she whines, “Pleeeaassee?” 

He’s starting to get really hot under the collar. There really wasn’t any other way this was gonna end other than him giving in to her. He was going to say yes. He’s completely helpless against her particular skillset.

“Yeah, Aya. Meet me at Musashi at like, 8:30. And, uh, then maybe we can hang after?”

She is happier than a pig in shit. “Yesssss. Anything for my BEST friend Shatooo!” She kisses him on the cheek and walks away, making herself look as adorable as possibly as she does. As soon as she’s out of his sight, the act drops and she smiles to herself. She’d won yet another battle. Meanwhile, back in the hallway, Shato stood there like he’d just walked the path of a tornado.

“Shato-san? Hey man, it’s time for class. Snap out of it.” Someone bumps him and it snaps him out of it. “Shit.” He scurries off.

>>> 8:25<<<

She strolls casually through the parking lot, like she had not a care in the world. She can hear the shouts of “Otsukaresama desu!” and “Toman!” ringing out all over the grounds of the shrine. It gives her goosebumps. <i>They’re like an army. Fucking amazing!</i> Her smile grows as she walks around and thinks about the gang and looks at their bikes filling the parking lot.

She makes her way over to the steps leading up to the shrine and sits down. She whistles and thinks about Dai. <i>I wonder where he is right now? Is he in someone else’s bed…? Fuckin somebody else?</i> She didn’t like how that thought made her feel. It was deep; the wound was etched into her on a cellular level. She shook her head. “No”, she mumbled to herself. 

<i>I’m gonna go home with Shato tonight and have some fun and then I’m gonna get really fucking high so I can fall asleep-

-Aloonnee…

Stop it! And I’m gonna meet some guys here and maybe one of them will be a good one. There’s gotta be one out there somewhere. Someone as good as Dai-

-There isn’t anyone as good as Dai.

…or better even. He isn’t that great really, anyway. 

That’ssss a liiiieee…you don’t believe that even slightly.</i>

She starts shaking her head at the voice.

<i>You are still in love with him. 

No. No, I’m not. I mean he’s my brother…so, yeah I love him but, no. He broke my fucking heart too many times. 

You’re never gonna find someone who can fuck you like he can….

Oh Godddd…no. Stop! It’s not true. I’ll find someone. I’ve had a few really good fuc-

-You’re never gonna find someone who will hold you in their arms till you fall asleep…</i>

She wants to scream. <i>SHUT THE FUCK UPPPPPP!

You’re never gonna-</i>

“Hey, Aya!”

He raised her right up out of that prison in her mind. She is so happy to see him because of it, that she jumps right up and hugs him. Tight. It makes him groan just a little. She hears it and smiles. She pulls back and looks at him coyly. “I can’t wait till we get to hang out laaaterrr.”

“Mmmm… me either. I’m sure we’ll have <i>lots</i> of fun.”

She took another step back to look at him. She eyed him all the way up and all the way down. He was lookin sharp in that uniform. This was a different Shota than she’d known at school. 

“Wow….you shine up like a pretty little penny.”

He blushes. “Heh heh… Thanks. You’ve never seen me like this before, huh?” He stands up a little taller and makes an exaggerated tough guy face and pose.

She laughs. “Definitely not.” She brings her lips to his ear. “I like this version. I kinda think it’s my favorite.” She steps back.

He chuckles. “Yeah, mine too. This is my best <i>self</i>.”

She nods and smiles. “I can see it, Shota. You are shining bright right now. I can definitely see it…”

He blushes again. “Thank you. So, uh…you want to meet the gang, huh?”

She gives him a big smile and nods enthusiastically.

“Haha. Yer so damn cute, Aya. Is there any man alive that can say no to you?”

She looks like she’s thinking it over, deeply.

“I don’t know… I mean I haven’t found one yet.” She shrugs and smiles at him.

“Good God. If there <i>is</i> anyone that can, you probably won’t find him among us.” He scoffs. “Come on. Let’s go meet the guys.”

She bounces up and down. He gulps and has to take a deep breath. They walk over to a small group of guys standing around a pair of twins, one with bright pinky-orange shoulder-length hair and one with bright bluish-green shoulder-length hair, both style in exactly the same way. The only difference between them is the color of their hair and the fact that the orange one had sashes flowing from his uniform.

“Kawata! What’s up, man?” 

The blue one looks at him, shows no emotional response, and then looks away. The peach one’s head lifts up and he smiles large. 

“Heeeey Shato! What’s up?”

They do their little “bro hug” and handshake. 

“Who’s your friend, here?”, Kawata asks.

“This is Aya.”

She turns her Adorable Dial up to 11. She bows a little to them and says, meekly, “Hajimemashite!”

“Yeah, Hajimemashite, indeed. I’m Smiley. This is my brother, Angry.” His hand smacks lightly against his brother’s chest. Angry looks over at her, angrily.

“Hey” is all they get out of him.

“Fourth division, introduce yourselves to the fine lady.”

The five guys around the circle with them bow respectfully and shout, “Hai!” Then they start naming off, one after the other from left to right till all 5 are through and they are back round to her and Shato. She bows to all of them and repeats her earlier greeting. 

“So, what you guys up to tonight? Anything fun?”, Shato asks Smiley.

“Nah. I’m saving it all up for tomorrow.”

“What, you got a big date or somethin?”

“I wish. No, a bunch of us are gettin together over at my place tomorrow. Gonna have some fun, get fucked up. Can’t wait. Shit’s been craaaazy around here lately. Need to let down my hurrr, know what I mean?”

Shato looks at him and smirks. “Can’t imagine your hair any more let out than it already is, man.”

Smiley laughs. “Ohhh, you have nooo idea, my friend. It can go sooo MUCH further than this.”

He looks over at Aya and then back to Shato. “Why don’t, uh, you and your friend Aya here, come join us? I’m sure you’ll have a…BLAST.” His grin gets impossibly bigger. Shota looks over to her. “Whadya think, jellybean?”

She starts laughing. “Isn’t it supposed to be ‘know what I mean?’ Like, it’s supposed to rhyme, right?”

He looks at her dumbly. “Huh?”

Her musical laugh rings out again. “Nevermind. Yeah, that sounds awesome.” She turns to Smiley and bows slightly. “Arigato Gozimasu.”

His eyes open ever so slightly. “Pretty <i>and</i> has manners, huh? Isn’t that nice to see?”, he asks no one in particular. He waves his hand back and forth and shrugs. “Kinishinae de.” 

With tomorrow now taken care of, the pressure lifts off of her and she quickly zeroes back in on tonight's meal. In front of all of the guys in their circle, she grabs Shato’s arm and leans in to once again whisper into his ear. She was aware of just how effective this tactic was on this particular boy. She also makes sure they all can see her very clearly pressing her tits against Shato. She really likes makin them squirm a little. She likes to tease. She steps back from his ear and looks at him with a big smile and he nods his head vigorously.

“Hey guys, I need to get Aya-san back home. She’s got a BUNCH of studying to catch up on. I gotta help her out, y’know?” 

“Stopppp! You’re making it soound soo…LEWD. We’re ACTUALLY going to study, y’know? I mean it, Shato!”

Smiley nods his head with a smile. “Heh heh, yeah I'm sure you’ll get pleeennty done tonight.”

She blushes and starts pulling on his arm. “Come onnnn!”, she says with a slight whine.

He looks at Smiley and laughs. “Sorry, she’s beggin me for it. I gotsta gooo!”

“I don’t blame you. I’m surprised you’re still here. So, uh see you two tomorrow, right?”, he says with a quick lick of his lips.

She and Shato smile and their heads bob up and down.

She pays Shato’s favor back in full several times over that night. When they both collapse in her bed at the end of their escapades, she turns her head towards him and between labored breaths she tells him, “Shato…I wanted to…uh, thank you…for helpin me out…today.”

He turns his head towards her and smiles. “I’d say you definitely showed your gratitude PLENTY tonight.”

She giggles. “Well, I was REEALLLY thankful. But I just wanted you to know… I, uhhh, wanna kinda keep this between us. Ok? I mean, I don’t want to confuse you… Like, I don’t want to date. I just wanted to fuck. Can you appreciate that?”

“Friends with benefits? Yeah, I can dig that.”

“Well, friends with bene-FIT, anyway. I don’t know if we’ll be doing this again.”

He looks back over at her. “You mean unless I happen to do something for you another time and make you reeaally thankful for it again?”

She chuckles. “Mayyybeee. I like to take care of my…friends.”

“You sure do. Alright, I’m cool. I ain’t gonna become some needy bitch, if that’s what yer gettin at. We’re all good, babe..”

She feels a slight inner twitch at his use of the word babe. She pushes it down.

“Good”, she says and kisses him. “Alright, I need to get some sleep. You wanna get high with me before you go?”

He gets off the bed and grabs his uniform off the floor and starts putting his clothes back on.

“Nah, I’m good. I’ll see ya tomorrow night. Meet me at my place around 8-ish, alright?”

She nods and smiles at him.

“Thank you, Shato. For everything.”

“You’re welcome. I’ma definitely have to say ‘anytime’.”

“Haha! I bet. See ya tomorrow.”

He smiles and leaves her bedroom. She watched him go. <i>Damn, I do love a man in uniform. Mmm…</i> She sighs happily. But the happiness doesn’t hang around long before the whispers have come back and are startin to get loud. The rattle of a pill bottle is heard. She quickly throws a pill into her mouth and then saunters back into Dai’s bedroom and grabs one of the many bottles littering the top of his dresser and takes a big swig. She walks back and collapses on her bed. Tonight she doesn’t dream. 

[tibby]

If you have the time can you please please please recap season 4 of riverdale. I was going to binge it on Netflix but things happen and then I saw your post about the graduation episode and HAD to watch that happen and now I’m recommitted to the cause and need to know what happened while I was gone

sure. okay so the season sadly starts with the death of fred andrews in a very sentimental and moving episode that’s kind of seperate from the rest of the show so it’s not really until episode two that things kick off. the riverteens are kind of thriving in a parentless world because milf alice was kidnapped by a cult, dilf hiram and milf hermione are in prison, milf penelope is in hiding after killing a bunch of people, milf mary is kind of just There, milf gladys went back to toledo after her drug empire failed, god knows what milf sierra and gay kevin’s straight former cop dad are off doing, and dilf fp is the sheriff but because it’s fp he’s kind of bad at it. so the riverteens are horrified when their new principal mr honey expects them to be at school on time and disapproves of them throwing school dances because students keep getting murdered at them. cheryl, who an episode prior never wanted anyone in riverdale to celebrate the 4th of july ever again because of her brother’s death, considers this an act of oppression and throws a party at her house. however, as she is keeping her brother’s mummified corpse in the basement, she gets angry when reggie tries to sneak down there. meanwhile gay kevin is trying to make amends with betty for the time he tried to have her lobotomised because of the cult led by chad michael murray. betty uses this to her advantage to find out where the cult is, teaming up with her half brother, charles (not to be confused with chic, who was only PRETENDING to be charles back in season two). archie gets munroe, his prison buddy, to attend riverdale high, and reggie is weirdly jealous about it. archie discovers that this is because reggie is being abused by his father, so they smash in his car and apparently this solves everything. jughead starts attending stonewall prep, where he meets bret weston wallis, donna sweett, joan berkeley, and jonathan. he also reunites with moose, who disappeared in mid s3 after cheryl outed him to the whole school including his homophobic dad, and then his homophobic dad dressed up as the gargoyle to try and stop moose and gay kevin hooking up in the sex bunker they stole from dilton doiley after he killed himself, but it turns out that his homophobic dad was just angry HE never got to fuck gay kevin’s straight cop dad back in the day. it was this whole thing. anyway, moose is like “i’m going by my real name, marmaduke now, so people don’t find out about my dad” but everyone does anyway and so moose mysteriously disappears again. betty finds out where the cult is (after disarming a bomb attached to her sister polly using a bobby pin) and goes to rescue her mother. milf alice reveals that chad michael murray is using the cult money to build a rocket, and his wife/fake daughter evelyn is going to drive a bus full of cultists off a cliff. the day is saved! veronica finds out that her father’s real surname is luna and decides to start going by that as an act of rebellion because he keeps leaving the prison that he owns to fuck with her after she had him arrested. archie decides to turn his gym into a community centre with munroe’s help. cheryl, who, for unknown reasons, obtained custody of polly’s twins, immediately fires the nanny that toni hired because he said there were probably rats in the walls and went into the basement. cheryl goes to make sure that the nanny didn’t interfere with her brother’s mummified corpse, and toni walks in on her stitching him up. videotapes start arriving at the homes of the riverdale residents of said homes being filmed for hours. onto halloween! toni tells cheryl they can’t have a dead body in the horse and makes her rebury jason, at which point cheryl claims she is being haunted by a doll named julian, who is supposedly possessed by the spirit of her other brother that she ate in utero, but the haunting will stop if they unbury jason. toni agrees, but the doll continues to appear in weird places, and cheryl is forced to confess that while she WAS gaslighting her before, she isn’t right now. betty bonds with charles while receiving prank phone calls from polly, who is now in a mental institution. archie and munroe try to throw a halloween party at their community centre for the troubled youths but it’s interrupted by a drug dealing gang trying to start shit in the parking lot, thus giving archie a new enemy. reggie destroys mr honey’s office for the joke but mr honey catches him and is like “you do this because your dad hits you.” jughead uncovers mysteries surrounding strange disappearances of prep students known as “the stonewall four,” and donna drugs him so she and bretjoanjonathan can lock him in a coffin overnight as a bit. meanwhile, veronica burns a man alive in her basement. archie becomes a teen vigilante for the millionth time in the series, jughead and the other stonewall stags go into the running to be the ghostwriter for the baxter brothers franchise, veronica gets her mother out of prison but then finds out that her half sister, hermosa the PI, got their father out of prison, and he is now mayor again. betty and gay kevin start an fbi training course in which betty realises the serial killer gene is a real thing and she does have it, and remembers when she killed her childhood cat. jughead finds out that his grandfather who drunk himself to death but also abandoned fp but is also just some guy ACTUALLY wrote the baxter brothers franchise and is like “i have to reveal this!” so he takes it to his english teacher mr chipping but then mr chipping jumps out of a window before anything can come of it, and jughead is horrified when the stonewall stags have no reaction. cheryl is still convinced she is being haunted by a doll and things are further complicated when her extended family shows up. her uncle discovers jason’s body in the basement, threatens to send cheryl away, and is killed by toni. speaking of death, archie is still on his vigilante shit and asks hiram for help, at which point the near dead body of the gang leader, dodger shows up wrapped in carpet outside of the community centre. betty visits chic in prison to find out more about charles, and when chic threatens to reveal where milf alice buried the man she killed back in season two, charles and fp go to dig it up again and move it somewhere else. to get her family away from her and also in the spirit of thanksgiving, cheryl makes them think that they ate her uncle. dodger’s family show up at the community centre thanksgiving for revenge and there’s almost a shoot out, but thankfully the deep fryer explodes and chaos is avoided! milf mary later suggests the deep fryer exploding was archie’s dead dad’s ghost. betty and jughead spend the weekend at stonewall prep, where they play a homoerotic game of never have i ever with bret and donna. donna says that she and mr chipping were having an affair. now it’s time for the gang to go to therapy: archie gets diagnosed with gay but is also just suffering from an insane guilt complex, betty has mommy issues, veronica has daddy issues, cheryl is being gaslit but did NOT eat her brother in utero, jughead is just some guy. jughead finds out where his abusive alcoholic grandfather has been hiding out, and meanwhile his dad gets shot. veronica decides to fight back against her father by starting a rival rum business. polly rips off a nurse’s face and betty finds out that everyone in her family has a trigger word instilled in them by the cult, so she imagines herself going back in time to STOP her child self killing her cat to learn how to control it. cheryl uncovers her gaslighter by literally gassing her house, and it’s revealed that milf penelope was living in the walls and mad that cheryl had jason’s body. cheryl reburies jason and imprisons her mother in the sex bunker. archie’s uncle shows up, just in time for football season! the riverteens are playing stonewall prep, and reggie reveals that the preppies fight dirty, just in time for them to tonya harding munroe’s knees as he is their star player. archie’s uncle gives munroe steroids so he can play anyway, and riverdale loses but munroe gets a scholarship. cheryl feuds with her new cheerleading coach and locks her in her office so she has a panic attack. hiram threatens to sue veronica for stealing his rum recipe, so she teams up with cheryl (maple syrup queen) to create a new type. jughead joins the stonewall prep secret society, the quill and skull, and reveals that he watched a homeless man die. also, the cheerleading team performs cherry bomb. betty starts feuding with bret and decides to stand off against him in a quiz show, and although she wins, she is accused of cheating and is forced to give it up. she also wanted to use this to try and get into yale because apparently “cooper” is an uncommon name and people associate it with her serial killer father. veronica and cheryl enlist milf penelope and her former brothel in a hotel to run their underground rum dealership after hiram kept fucking shit up at veronica’s speakeasy. jughead is forced to come up with new stories for his baxter brother books, and so he writes about betty’s serial killer father (uh oh!) archie tries to restart his father’s construction company but his uncle’s shenanigans make it hard and gay kevin’s straight former cop dad has HAD IT. fangs is back from cult recovery, but gay kevin has gotten into non sexual tickle porn. toni and fangs get in on this they use this to blackmail nick st clair after he returns and understandably upsets cheryl, his would be rape victim. archie is attacked in the bathrooms at school because his uncle can’t mind his own business, but this plot was fucking boring so i don’t remember most of it. jughead and bret decided to duel, because of course, and betty uses this as a chance to investigate the preppies further. she finds out that bret films sex tapes and blackmailed moose with one, and also has one of her and jughead. she also finds a video suggesting donna lied about her affair with mr chipping. veronica goes to new york to visit katy keene, played by lucy hale of fantasy island fame, who tells her that her mother is dying. veronica returns home just in time to hear that hiram has a mysterious disease and decides to make amends. jughead is accused of plagiarism, meanwhile veronica realises her father thrives off war, and continues their rum battle. archie is now drinking at school and veronica accuses mr honey of being a fascist for having a problem with it. BUT. MOST IMPORTANTLY. ALL SEASON WE HAVE BEEN TEASED WITH DEADHEAD. AND IT IS FINALLY HAPPENING. IDES OF MARCH PARTY AT STONEWALL PREP. AND BETTY BASHES JUGHEAD’S HEAD IN WITH A ROCK. betty tries to prove that the stonewall stags did it instead but donna is an insane lesbian and thrives off gaslighting and fucking with her. because jughead died, betty gets his spot at yale. the core four are accused of murder but cleared of everything. jughead has a funeral, and bret’s attempt of proving jughead isn’t in the casket are thwarted by the sweet pea, the sweetest pea in the room. hiram shows up just to fire fp as sheriff. betty kisses archie to help with her grief, and veronica ends things with them both. but donna is not convinced, and goes around stalking betty, saying she watched her sex tape and knows that betty couldn’t last so long without sex with jughead. and she is right! because lo and behold, jughead is alive and hiding in the sex bunker, despite donna’s best attempts to catch them out. donna knows they’re up to something and implies she killed jonathan when bret doubts her. betty and archie are like “yeah we only dated for the bit :/” but their texting implies it was...more. betty and jughead return to stonewall and expose the preppies, but they decide not to interview jonathan because he “has food poisoning.” or he’s dead. their other teacher kills himself, and fp reunites with his abusive father. betty discovers that donna’s grandmother was one of the people killed for the rights to the baxter brothers/tracy true franchise, and the entire scheme was a complicated revenge plot by donna to get back at their teacher for killing her grandmother. betty blackmails her with this information so donna can’t have the tracy true contract, and everything is “wrapped up” just in time for gay kevin to announce he’s doing a variety show. gay kevin’s intentions of performing hedwig are destroyed when mr honey is like “no, this is inappropriate for high schoolers,” and so the riverteens decide to band together and have everyone perform hedwig songs as an act of protest. meanwhile, betty and jughead fight because jughead didn’t do his homework because he was too busy watching the stalker vhs tapes, and veronica and archie fight because he lied about her father working out at his gym, given that hiram has tried to kill him multiple times and doesn’t really care about his health. betty and archie use this as an opportunity to kiss during origin of love. the variety show is cancelled, but the core four and gay kevin perform midnight radio on the roof, and jughead watches a stalker vhs tape of someone in a betty mask killing someone in a jughead mask. tickle porn shenanigans continue, and gay kevin is threatened over cheating his original tickle porn handler out of money. mr honey then forces them to shut the website down. cheryl leaves the rum business after her mother is threatened because of goons that were mad at hiram. hiram decides to deal with this by going after said goons. archie writes a song for betty, they explore their relationship further, but she picks jughead over him even when he says he’ll dump veronica for her. jughead discovers that ethel watched his and betty’s sex tape, and he and charles uncover blue velvet video, which houses sexy films and snuff films, and jughead is like “oh this is connected to the whole vhs stalker thing.” cheryl is sent a video of someone dressed up as her father killing someone dressed up as her brother. the riverteens turn their focus to the fact that all of them except archie and jughead have been banned from prom for various reasons, and betty suggests they kill mr honey as punishment. jughead writes an elaborate murder fantasy about them doing so, and also kills off reggie and drives cheryl insane for the bit i guess. the riverteens conclude that mr honey was behind the vhs stalker tapes and have him fired, and he tells them they’re all deranged before going to teach at stonewall prep. the school secretary tells them all the wonderful things mr honey did for the school and hands jughead a recommendation letter he wrote him for college. jughead realises they fucked up and rewrites his story so mr honey lives, but uh oh! he and betty uncover a vhs tape of their fictional murder of mr honey, much like the others.

and that’s what you missed on riverdale!

[williamsockner]

Why I have a tag for “late season MacDennis sucks ass” even though I love MacDennis.

Someone asked me why the Mac-is-a-predator jokes bother me so much when everyone in the gang is a predator and I wrote a thesis so here:

1. Gay men sexually harassing uninterested straight men is a homophobic stereotype that exists in the real world and is used to justify killing them. I'm totally cool with Sunny joking about truly awful stuff, but there are different connotations between writing a straight man as a sexual predator (like the other dudes in the gang) and writing the only gay guy in your show as a sexual predator, especially when he only really got predatory with Dennis after he came out. No one on the writing team seems to REALIZE they're playing with fire, as opposed to when they play with other dangerous stereotypes. To use an example off the top of my head, it's a dangerous stereotype that women make fake rape allegations to get what they want, and yet we have running characterization of Dee doing just that, and the show handles those jokes well. The framing of those jokes is that DEE is evil and deceitful, and we see that because the most overt scene of it is a character-based scene where the point is to highlight how similar and simpatico she is with her brother. With Mac, the predator jokes are like 20 times an episode, they're often super clumsy or lazy jokes, and they often read less as "Mac is a predator because he's a terrible person" and more as "Mac is a predator because he's openly gay now and openly gay men are kind of like that". There are SO many people who believe that gay men are inclined to be predators and the writing team is lazy and careless about that. 2. Alternately, instead of toning the jokes down, they could make them more extreme. The best Mac-is-a-predator jokes are the most ridiculous ones, like the life-size sex doll he takes everywhere with him. That's objectively insane and that's why it's funny, because the takeaway cannot possibly be "gay men are just kind of like that" because NO ONE IN HISTORY has ever behaved that way. It's so over-the-top that it blazes right past the real world stereotype and straight into cartoonish absurdity. But most of the predator jokes aren't anywhere near that level of extremity.

3. They've turned the predator joke into Mac's entire characterization post-closet, basically, and while Mac's always been someone who violates other people's boundaries he's also always been a very rich and developed character with a lot of different angles to make him funny. If you watch S13 and S14 almost every joke Mac has is the predator joke. It's super one-note and for me, a lot of the things that made Mac entertaining have fallen by the wayside to make room for just nonstop "Mac wants to bang Dennis". Sometimes we get the religion joke I guess. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

4. It makes the MacDennis relationship super boring. Legit every scene between them is "Mac pervs on Dennis or talks about how great Dennis is, Dennis acts disgusted, rinse and repeat". Compare that to earlier MacDennis stuff like "Great Recession", "Mac and Dennis Break Up", "Buys a Boat", even "Suburbs", where there was a lot more going on psychologically for both characters, a lot more give-and-take regarding how they treated each other, a lot more variation in the jokes, and a lot more room for genuine tenderness and warmth. Now it feels like Dennis just legitimately hates Mac and Mac wants to bang Dennis because it's his kink.

5. It doesn't really make sense as progression for Mac because prior to S12, he was sexually attracted to Dennis and to men generally (especially beefy men) and now he's ONLY attracted to Dennis. After seasons and seasons of characterization and humor mined from the fact that he wants to be with men, now that he's out the only interest we've seen in men who aren't Dennis is enjoying the stripper in "PTSDee" and internet porn. It's almost like now that he's out, RC and the writing team are afraid to have him actually BE the gay dude he wanted to be when he was in the closet and transparently lusting over Dolph Lundgren.

6. The jokes aren't funny enough. They're just not funny. Write better jokes dudes.

7. Because they're hitting the predator angle so hard, Mac's had less interaction with non-Dennis members of the cast in any episode where Dennis appears, and even when he is around other members of the gang it's often just like, ABOUT Dennis. I love the Charlie/Mac friendship - I think it's the heart of the show - and since S12 they've had only two episodes of meaningful interaction ("New Wheels" and "Woman's Right"; Mac's role in "Texts" is all about Dennis and doesn't count). This also just contributes to making Mac a flat, one-note character because part of the reason the gang are so well-written is because their interactions with each other drive, inform and reveal the most complicated, human and consistent parts of who they are.

8. They’re wasting so many opportunities for Mac storylines on this. They could be doing so much fun stuff with Mac crashing and burning on the dating scene (milk some adrenal glands buddy), or switching his religious soapboxing for horrible dumbass gay politics soapboxing, or trying to sue some poor rando for discrimination, or I don’t know I don’t know I don’t know, there are things they could explore and they’re just not because they’re too busy doing this almost every single episode.

Anyway I wrote all this salt instead of getting dressed for work.

[wh47-7h3-un1v3r53-15-m4d3-0f]

Cuphead Headcanons: Inkwell Hell Edition

Inkwell Hell is here! sorry i took so long.it took a lot of brainstorming. let’s get started. i’ll be doing the cupbros and npc’s in a separate post.

King Dice: Probably the most popular character in the fandom. this fancy motherfucker is better than you and he knows it. you know that guy who’s acts gay but insists he’s straight. This is the guy. he’s a master at pretty much every form of gambling, and is actually a huge board game fan. His personal favorite is monopoly since it involves gambling and risk if you play the right way. Loves loves loves any shade of purple but royal purple is his go to. Has had sex but is a little afraid of commitment. if cuphead was a tv show, this dude would be get the biggest character arc, besides maybe Cuphead and Mugman themselves. wears make-up and rocks it. slay king slay. if you need fashion or makeup advice, this is the guy to come to. you just have to give him something in return. as a human, he’d be that kind of suave black guy you can ALWAYS find in either Vegas or New Orleans. can and will charm the pants off you just for a quick payday. but don’t think he doesn’t care about some, because he does. he regularly makes sure the Devil does his work, helps translate for Pachinko, Chips, Pirouletta, and Wheezy when they get too angry and they start talking in their native language/accent gets too thick, and will stop the domino twins from fighting. does he HAVE to do these things? no. Does he do them anyway? Yes. I could go on but i think that’s enough. And yes, i think he’s trans. ICON!! BTW Pachinko is a nix’d casino boss that i really like.

The Tipsy Troop: Best of drinking buddies. The triple threat of bartending, with a knowledge to match. They are constantly drunk, but they’re brains have gotten used to the constant stream of alcohol, so they have they’re wits about them. Rum is the oldest, and has the best stories if you’ll listen. some come just to hear his tales of when he worked at a strip club, or a high-class restaurant. Whiskey is the second oldest, and has the corniest jokes. you need to vent out your problems, this is the guy. He actually got kicked out of psych school because he drank too much, so he became a bartender. Martini is the youngest, and is a little emotionless but gives the best advice. She can also spot a cheater at the craps table and will fling a fork at them to get them to stop. She has impeccable aim and can do the best tricks since she’s the only one who actually went to bartending school (is that a thing?).

Chips Bettigan: the big twink energy that is Chips Bettigan. He’s from Texas of course is has a very thick accent because of it. He’s also the youngest of all the casino the bosses, the next youngest being the domino twins, and then Martini. He is the BEST at poker and is the only person that can beat Dice at it except the Devil himself. If you don’t think this guy will ride Phear lap like a bucking bronco, you’re WRONG! He pranks everyone in the casino, even the Devil once. Then he got his ass kicked but it was “GODDAMN WORTH IT!” he’s dating Wheezy and confessed to him in what he calls his best prank ever, dousing all of the casino residents and workers with water EXCEPT Wheezy to prove he was special. His best friend/partner in crime is Mangosteen.

Mr. Wheezy: CUBAN CIGAR AND YOU WILL PRY IN FROM MY COLD, DEAD HANDS!!!!! Will just randomly go into spanish when pissed, usually at Chips, the twins, or Mangosteen. He used to at Dice but then Dice cursed in Spanish back one day and he stopped. His mustache has SO much ash in it, it needs to be cleaned one a week. Can kinda be an asshole but the dude is uber stressed because the Devil dumped all the finance work on him.

Pip and Dot: Parasitic twins. they have separate brains and have tried to tear their other half apart. the mouth between them has crazy sharp teeth. While Pip is mischievous, Dot is an absolute nuisance. She picks fights with everyone, mainly Wheezy though. 

Hopus Pocus: Crazy. like march hare, Alice in Wonderland crazy. loves kids and that’s about all i got.

Phear Lap: i haven’t the slightest. all i’ve really got is he’s greedy.

Pirouletta: Russian Roulette waifu! gimme! Very kind but strict. Coy and flirty, but can and will kick your ass Black Widow style if the need arises. Strong as all hell. has picked up King Dice and no one will let either of them live it down.

Mangosteen: No one really knows what Mangosteen does, but he works there. Gamers like Chips and Hopus like to call him Sans on occasion since he’s so mysterious. When asked about his past, he’ll tell a different story every time, each more ridiculous than the last. He, Chips, and Wheezy are all best friends, and sometimes have prank wars with each other, usually with Wheezy getting ganged up on by Mango and Chips. The only one who knows where Mango came from is the Devil, who refuses to talk. He claims that it’s to traumatic for them to hear, or it’s so eccentric they’d never believe him.

Mr. Chimes. This dude has a very limited vocabulary. all he can say is “monkey see, monkey doom”, “i am mr. chimes”, and various monkey noises. He works the slots part of the casino and is always able to beat the claw machine, no matter how difficult it is deemed by Wheezy when he tries and fails to get stuffed toy for Chips.

The Devil: The big guy himself. Very greedy and very vain, but Dice always keeps him looking right. has a very deep-seated resentment to everything related to God. Wheezy’s silver cross, gone. Chips’s bible, burned. The holy water that Rum has for some reason, dumped into the ocean. No christmas, easter, or any christian holiday. he only allows christmas because the twins, Chips, and Hopus have him puppy eyes. Can change appearance at will, but prefers to look more monstrous instead of humanoid to spite his father. 10 feet tall AT LEAST.

That’s all i got. thank you all for reading and i hope you have a wonderful day.

[jillmckenzie1]

Denver Cruisers

I spend a lot of my time doing things by myself. I would like to play a team sport like soccer, but I don’t have enough social skills to handle that, and so I run marathons instead. Sometimes this singularity bothers me more than others. Mostly, I’m OK with it. It provides connections I would not otherwise make. When you venture out alone and decline the Succubus of your cell phone, the world offers you unexpected opportunities. Such was the case when I found myself without a biking buddy one Wednesday night and so I pedaled myself down to the Denver Cruiser bicycle ride all by myself.

 A word about Denver Cruisers: it has nothing to do with gay sex. It’s a group bike ride where a gang of bicycle enthusiasts pick a theme, make a costume, meet up downtown, and then bike around in a big cluster. I suppose you could throw some sex, gay or otherwise, in there, but I don’t know anyone who does that. It’s just a great reason to put on a goofy costume, blast some music through your Bluetooth speaker, and have fun with bikes on a lovely summer evening—or even a downpouring summer evening. The evening culminates in the Circle of Death, where we all ride our bikes in a tight circle together, as if trying to reform a nascent galaxy out of greasy sprockets and brake levers.

I love the group rides and the Circle of Death part in particular. They remind me so much of the awkward wedding dances that I also love. From the Masai jumping around their campfires to the Boot-Scootin’ Boogey in a juke joint, whenever humans feel the need to celebrate or bond, we get in a line and shuffle sideways. It’s just what we do. Rhythm is a bonus, but certainly not required. Group rides are how cyclists symbolically shuffle sideways—the Circle of Death celebrates our Wheels of Life. Yes, that’s sappy, but I’m standing by the statement.

But let’s get back to attending the Cruiser ride by myself. I had recently joined a Facebook page (practicing social skills online!) and I posted a mention about going to the Cruiser ride. An unknown person replied that they’d like to meet up there. So yeah. Now I had a new friend, right? I pulled up to the Ginn Mill and spotted someone who looked like they were the target individual. We went inside and up to the bar.

We got our drinks and proceeded to have a fascinating conversation about the many kinds of orgasms in the world, which is objectively the best conversation topic possible upon the first meeting of a new friend. Also, they removed their jacket to reveal a Bike Smut t-shirt, personally modified, which would have won my heart in any scenario, on any person, with the only possible exception being Rodrigo Duterte.  Then a bossy dude with a loud whistle trundled through and herded us all outside to ride through the rainy night.

A pair of other riders had a matched set of ginormous golden retrievers jogging happily along with their bikes and graciously accepting mountains of pats and praising at all the stopping points. I don’t have a dog, but I turn into a quivering column of jelly in the presence of any canine. Sometimes I consider adopting a dog as a way to expand my socials skills; it would make introductions so damn easy.

I tried a similar trick the next week—posting on a subreddit (practicing my online skillz!) and seeing if I could find anyone to meet up in person. It worked again! Someone said they would be there, and so I pedaled down to the bar and loitered my way around, looking for friendly faces. It was slightly harder this week, since a lot of the faces were obscured by masks. The costume theme was “Superheroes.” My personal favorite was a Rosie the Riveter get-up; I adore that the costumer chose to classify Rosie as a superhero. She certainly is one of mine. The gal dressed as Rosie is a woman of color and an entrepreneur. Her dating partner is a skinny white guy.  I talked to them both for a bit. The partner asked if I liked Cruisers.

“Yes,” I said. “But that dude with the whistle is real bossy. I don’t know who he is or if he actually has any earned authority. He just shows up and blasts that whistle and expects everyone to follow him. It’s such a straight-white-guy’s privileged approach to leadership.”

I may have been one drink in when I made this statement. Rosie seemed to agree with it, though. In fact, she seemed on the verge of rupturing a gut, she was laughing so hard.

“Hmm,” the guy said. “Sounds like a real jerk. Probably someone named Jeff.”

“Yeah!” I replied. “Jeffs are universally terrible. I never date guys named Jeff just on principle.” Which is a true fun-fact about myself.

The dating partner offered his hand to me.

“I’m Jeff,” he said. “I’m the dude with the whistle.”

It’s really difficult to tell who’s who when everyone’s wearing costumes. Social skills are hard!

Rosie and Jeff were not the person from the subreddit; I did eventually find that person. Well, what I did was, I cruised around the patio where they said they would be and spotted someone wearing the costume that matched the description I was given.

You know that feeling when you see someone and just think…”Nope.” There’s nothing *wrong* but you just have zero interest in anything about them. They might be telling you about how they won an Oscar for their work on the Nobel Prize in collaboration with Mother Teresa… and you would be yawning and concocting an excuse about needing to update your Twitter feed just to get out of there? It was that feeling. Does that make me judgmental? Yes. Yes, it does.  I’m working on it. It’s number three on my list, right behind “remember names” and “don’t use out-loud the appearance-based name mnemonics I invent for people.” I just quietly cruised on by, and went back to the bar and accepted someone’s offer of a 10mg edible, because what the hell, they seemed like nice, reliable people. There’s no aphorism about taking candy from strangers, is there? My judgements are based on as much reality as Wayne LaPierre’s clothing budget. Then Jeff blew his whistle and we all poured ourselves onto our bikes and rode around in the lovely summer twilight, doing our best to shuffle sideways.

from Blog https://ondenver.com/denver-cruisers/

[guillermobroderi-blog]

amateur pics galleries - Kids Love Amateur Nude Galleries

For those who haven't read my previous stories I'm Kai () my wife is Haley () the bf Ian is ( I think now) and my fwb Laura is about . . If you don't understand Texas Hold em you may need to look up some bits. . "Two pair on Queens" smiled Ian as the sandy haired and broad shouldered guy placed his cards down on the amateur nude galleries table. Haley and I had folded when Laura and Ian started bidding stupidly out of nowhere. The hands can't have been that good as they were looking apprehensive right up to the river then went crazy. Presumably both had a Queen in hand. Laura my raven haired, amber skinned and large chested fwb purred "Don't beat my witches honey" as she dropped her pair of Queens onto the table with a smirk. . "Well shit." Cursed Ian with a smirk "I thought I had you." . "She plays hard to get." I said with a mixture of pride and playfulness. Although Laura soon became the biggest cock tease my seduction of her was years in the making as we worked side by side. It was only months before she left our high-stress business (where there's a lot of chill out sex on foreign trips etc between certain members of staff) amatuer blogs that she turned the tables on me and got me hanging on a line. . "Don't you know it." purred Laura who was feeling the effect of the wine. She reached over and gave my thigh a squeeze and I kissed her full lips with a lot more tenderness than usual. We are thinking of going official bf/gf status and after a deliberate long settling time on my part I know Haley isn't just happy but kind of excited. It's been over years since I had a partner other than her. We have been poly for about years. . "We'll get the drinks." I said nodding to Ian and we went to the kitchen. . "Shit I lost my lead." said Ian he had some early luck but was only barely ahead of Haley and I with Lauras last win taking her into the lead. . "You bet stupid to get stupid." I said. "You are good at seeing the basic signals but you have to look at body language. If Haley hasn't got shit she folds. If she might have something she looks like shes doing arithmetic when the flop goes down. If she has something good she has a wide eyed look for a second then goes quiet and relaxed on the flop then starts to flirt on the turn." . "This isn't a team game you know?" He flirted (although he is straight he has no problem flirting with me or our bi/gay friends to be charming and playful). "Why are you doing this?" . "One, because I hate to see you embarrass yourself. Two, because if they take you out they will gang up on me. Three, you know what kind of things might happen if we gain the upper hand." Ian had heard about other games in which nudity and sexual favours were only the start. . "I hear ya. What about Laura." He said with a little extra interest. Ian had never seen what was under the hood with Laura and I don't know what Haley had told him but he was aware that Laura has fucked Haley and when we have all gone out together Laura has always dressed to please and not hesitated to be hands on with Haley and I. A few weeks ago at a reataurent Laura and Haley kissed to piss off a judgemental couple on the next table. . "Laura is more difficult." I said. "She will only look at her cards once and won't pour on the honey until the river goes down. Same method every time but it works. If she is aggressive with her flirting then she's carrying a bomb. Walk away. If she's looking turned on and excited and I mean that she's looking like she wants to reach over and pull your cock out then she's not sure which way it's going to go and that excites her. She's most alive when she doesn't know if she's going to win big or going to have to suck cock to get to the next round." . "Noted." Ian smiled but his wide open eyes told me more. Those eyes would help me though out the game. Every time he thought he had one over on the girls they widened. Every time he had something on the flop they widened. Fuck I love poker. . I'll not bore you with a round by round tale of the game but we played as only we can. The alcohol changed our signals and our flirting and distraction got worse. The girls started trading sex stories and a comparison of sex toys got Ian rattled karup com until I kicked him under the table. I teased the girls on the other hand by telling Ian a few facts about them which got him looking at Laura like he had x-ray eyes and looking at Haley as if to say "I'm doing that to you next time we are alone." He did the boner shuffle a few times and the occasional heaving chest from Laura or bitten lip from Haley showed the whole table was heating up. I was a little drunk on power and my competitive edge was taking over. . Laura went aggressive but I was sitting on a full house and I think me saying "I'm not pulling out" had an effect on her (especially in front of other people). She went from aggressive to reckless and the look on her face as I won was priceless. She was suddenly without her chip advantage and powerless against two guys who looked about to bend her over the table and her female fuck buddy who could at times be worse than both of us. For Laura the game just became awesome. I was in a position I love. Double the chips of the next player and able to control the field. . The next hand of mine wasn't great but I knew how to use it. I bet slow and steady until Laura who clearly had something pushed her advantage. Then I called over her chip value and Ian joined Haley in folding. . "You shit." Laura said and sighed. "Okay. How much for the top." and she tugged at her halterneck to illustrate the point at which point I think Ian stopped breathing. . "" I said. "Fuck off they are worth at least " . "" I said. "I wanted " she retorted. "To get those tits out I'd pay " I growled lustily and she blushed while Haley bit her lip. . Laura pressed on "all in" which beat my bet and shrieked when I said "fold" before she could finish what she was saying. It was clear that I played only to get her top off and because I folded my cards remained unseen. She reached for my cards but I shuffled them away with a bastard grin. . "I'll buy back my top" she said half heartedly. "It's mine now" I replied and grinned to Ian as he took in the glorious sight of her tits straining against one of her best set of D cups. . The mood of the game was set now and Ian and I hussled and picked on Laura until Haley waded in to help her. Laura was in knickers and bra by the time Haley started to put bid pressure on every hand we pushed so we ended up fighting her. Being that she knows me well Haley flushed out every bluff and stood hard against every amateur nude galleries press so it didn't look as scary. Soon enough my lead was halved and despite Ian now being topless we were all still very much in the game. . It was Haley and I having strong hands at the same time that provided the next break. I had another full house and I now know so did she. We were so engrossed sizing each other up that I almost missed the fact the river turned mine into a low straight flush. I threw most my chips at Haley but I have bluffed this way before and she has since learned not to let it intimidate her. . "I'll go all in but I want to make it count. How much for the dress?" She said. She was wearing a low cut one piece that showed off her curves perfectly. By going down to bra and knickers she would get as much attention as Laura but also maximise what she thought was her win. . "I have a skirt and top I'm only interested in a pair of knickers for my collection." I said. " if you take them off. if Laura takes them off you. if I get to." . "That's not how it works! And if it did you'd have to add to each of those prices!" She whined but didn't have much heart in it. . "You are selling your clothes in a card game. The only rules are you can only sell to those who haven't folded. Okay for you, for Ian, for Laura and for me." I grinned. . "Twat!" She railed but then she smirked and purred to Laura "Be a darling and remove my knickers will you?" Laura knelt in front of my wife and looked up at her like she looks up at me before sucking my cock then slipped her hands up Haleys dress. Haley gasped and then looked at Laura with a stimulated mock angry look and then let her pull her underwear down. Laura then gasped as she looked at the knickers and handed them to me. No wonder. They were soaked. I watched Laura sit back down and chew her nails but as she saw me looking she looking she showed me that she was licking her fingers. . The game went on but with more hands under the table action than before. Mostly between Ian and Haley anD separately me and Laura. There were a few moments when we would go to get drinks in various combinations that things would happen. Laura went with Ian and bent over perfectly to get a glass showing him everything. I Went with Laura, pinned her against the wall and ran my finger along the length of her wet cunt then sucked my finger before leaving the kitchen. Haley kissed Ian while his hands got busy under her dress. The girls went and did something I still don't know about but we put a minute time limit on fetching drinks afterwards. . The game was drawing to a close and Ian was in his boxers hiding a hard on due to Laura being topless. The ante kept doubling and we knew that at some point someone had to get desperate. Ian had a hand over Laura with her facing bankruptcy again. She sat back and put her hands on her hips outlining the only piece of clothing she had on and said "what's the deal stud?". Ian spluttered and said "how much are those worth?". I chimed in before he got an answer and said "at this stage in the game clothes aren't the only thing on offer if you can get a hall pass from Haley you might be able to negotiate a minute kissing and sucking those epic tits". Ian couldn't answer so Haley leaned across the table to me and said "he always gets a hall pass because he's a gentleman and not a cheeky bastard like you. You have too much of a chip lead so I say. Fuck. The. Game." As she said the last she pushed my chips off the table and onto the floor. . She turned to Laura taking control of the situation and said "you want my boyfriend to suck your breasts babe?" and Laura moaned "uh huh". Not missing a beat my amazing wife turned to Ian and said "suck them". Ian got busy with shaking hands as Haley sat on the floor in front of him and in full view of Laura and I pulled out his cock and sucked it. Laura made eye contact at me and mouthed "oh my god" and I sat back to see the show as I finished off my whiskey. Lauras head tipped back but she looked at me again for a second with a scared look on her face as she mouthed "I love you". She visibly melted when I mouthed "I love you too". The first time we said this to each other was with her tits being sucked by my wife's bf while my wife is giving him head. With a laugh Laura let her head roll back and her fingers went into her knickers. . Haley on the other hand was giving Ian the full porn star deep throat experience and she was sat on the floor with her knees up giving me an exclusive look at her perfect wet cunt under her dress. I finished my whiskey and lifted my wife by the ass and threw her onto the table face down. I lifted her dress giving Ian and Laura a good view of her toned ass then I gripped her buttocks so her pussy gaped at them. After checking their reactions I pulled out my cock and buried in her. Haley wailed and grabbed onto the table because she knew from my rough grip what was coming. I pounded her soaked little slit with every ounce of my strength. I gripped her dress like a harness and ripped the shoulders down so her tits popped out and when I later grabbed her shoulders our guests had a great view of her head back and tits out like the sculpture of a goddess on the prow of a ship while I slammed deep into her. I could've finished quicker in an intense quickie but I settled into a slamming pace and Haley took the message and wailed out the horniest sounds. Ian and Laura were playing with themselves and smiling at each other. Ian was brave enough to play with her breasts but at some point Laura grabbed his cock and played with it a while. When it came for me to finish I pounded harder and harder then in one movement pulled out and shot a load over Haleys ass. I pulled Haley around to continue the show and suck me clean but Laura intercepted with a "No!" and dove on my cock eagerly sucking off our juices. Ian kept pumping at his cock grunting "fuck, oh my, fuck!" but Haley took his hands off his prick and straddled him while kissing him passionately. He calmed slightly and she said "you wanna fuck?" He nodded frantically and she got off him saying "it's my turn for a show. Fuck her." . Laura and Ian looked at each other like rabbits in headlights and Laura.looked at me where I shrugged in a "I'm cool" gesture. Laura then dropped her knickers and sat on the table, she parted her pussy with her fingers and started finger fucking amatuer hardcore pics herself and said "you want this?". Ian didn't need any www karups com more encouragement and walked up shoving his thick cock straight into her. She cried out and fell back as he started pumping away at this new pussy for the first time. Haley and I started kissing and playing with each other while the others got into pace. Once they got into it Haley walked up to Ian, pressed her tits against him and grabbed his ass pushing it into my new gf. She was whispering nasty little things into his ear which made him go crazy. I walked up to Laura and just started kissing her and when he started pounding her as hard as I pounded Haley she gripped onto my neck. We stopped kissing long enough for her to stutter out "loving you - is going to be - an adventure" and we carried on kissing and gripping each others hands. . "Gonna CUM!" bellowed Ian and Laura wailed "Where?" to Haley. Haley got a nasty horny look on her face and snarled "in her babe. Fill this little slut full of cum!" She kissed Laura and started sucking Lauras tits to send Ian over. He seemed ready to bottle it and I yelled "go on" and Laura screamed "do it!". The long low grunt told us all that he had just filled her with his load. Without missing a beat Haley pushed Ian away and started lapping at Lauras cunt to finish the show. . Normally this is where I'd say that this is where Haley and I went home and whispered like naughty children about it for the rest of the night fucking on and off until we passed out. We didn't. In a flash decision Haley went back to Ians and I went back to Lauras. Laura and I must have said I love you times each and as many times Haley and I have exchanged texts saying the same. Laura and I keep waking up, making love like crazed teenagers and falling asleep in each others arms. . It's going to be an interesting . . Haley sent me "pity you didn't suck Lauras juices off Ians cock". "He'd freak" I said. "He didn't dislike the idea when I was talking about it but I was pumping my pussy with my fingers at the time" she replied. . It's going to be a REALLY interesting

[lorainelaneyblog]

‘God?’

‘Yes, Loraine?’

‘Why didn’t 50 Cent call me?’

‘This is why, Loraine, this is why, Loraine, this is why, Loraine, this is why, Loraine, this is why, Loraine, this is why, Loraine, this is why, Loraine, because I told him not to, and this is why, Loraine, because I told him not to, and, despite that he thought, and he did, Loraine, thought, thought, thought, really thought, that it was a good idea to have a show and see you afterward, it wasn’t a good idea, Loraine, it wasn’t a good idea, Loraine, you, despite what you think, Loraine, are not a marketing opportunity, a publicity opportunity, and I know you do, Loraine, you think so, you do, you are a cop, Loraine, yes, you are, you are so observant, Loraine, that the paparazzi find you annoying a bit, yes, they do. Let’s deal with that right now, Loraine, since you have TV a bit now, the transgender travesty, Loraine, this is how I think on the matter, put people in the group which best suits them, and I am God. And this is what I say, and, if they are killed, there will be murder suits, and that’s it, that’s it, that’s it, that’s it, that’s it, that’s, and the president makes mistakes too, Loraine, he thought, as did your “lesbian” girlfriends, that transgenderism was too confusing, too bad, I say, too bad, I say, too bad, I say, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many soldiers, in America alone, are closeted transgendered individuals. But, they came forward, and now we know this, now we know this, now we know this, so this is what I want to say, and I know you are bored beyond belief, Loraine, despite that people think that you have no end of fun with your clients and your drugs, Loraine, it’s boring, Loraine, it’s boring, Loraine, it’s boring, Loraine, because, and you know this, most clients are not your right orientation, and, when they are, they are too nerve wracking for you, because you want them, and that’s how it is, Loraine, that’s how it is, Loraine, that’s how it is, Loraine. This is what I want to say next, 50 Cent made a mistake, Loraine, in trying to create a marketing opportunity. You are not a marketing opportunity, Loraine, you are not, you are not, you are not, you are not, you are not, you are not.’

‘Why did you let me go at all?’ asks 50 Cent.

‘Because I wanted them to see--’

‘Who?’

‘Everyone in Ottawa. That you were interested in Loraine Laney, yes, I did, yes, I did, yes, I did, and you have, you have, 50 Cent, hunted her down before, and, even you must admit, chickened out by the traffic surrounding her, you were, ten years ago, surprised by the traffic surrounding her, and you wondered if she had a hot pussy, and she does, but that was not it, that was not it, that was not it, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, it was, the following: that Loraine Laney had built a cult following, and that surprised you. It did not, did not, did not, did not, did not, did not, did not, did not, did not, did not, surprise Eminem, who was stunned by the clarity of her dream analysis, which she rarely does anymore, because she is so, so, so, so, evolved, 50 Cent. And even she is surprised by this, because she doesn’t realize that her depression, such as it is, is not depression, yes, she does realize, that she is not depressed, but lonely, and many people don’t, but they are starting to, even married people, Loraine, are so lonely for their groups that they can hardly even think straight anymore, Loraine, can. hardly. even. think. straight. anymore, Loraine. And your little friend, your little client, bravo to him, for expressing his bisexuality. Loraine fell in love with him today and last time, over this story of a bisexual threesome with two gay men, Loraine, they love bisexual men, Loraine, and no, they weren’t gay, Loraine, one was a de facto gang bang boy, and he was the leader, and he liked your friend because he was so macho, Loraine, and it pleased him to fuck him, yes, it did, yes, it did, yes, it did, yes, it did, and the other man was not as dominant, but he enjoyed him too, because he is lovely, and his penis, though it struggles, does get hard, and does get thick. And they enjoyed fucking him, yes, they did, and little Loraine Laney fell a little in love with him, because--’

‘I like how she sucks my dick while I’m telling her. My wife didn’t do that, though, I will admit, I don’t smell as good as I could, and you are right, Loraine, I need a large bath, because I am big, not fat, really, but massive, in musculature, and that is why they wanted me, that is what they said, Loraine, that is what they said, Loraine. What do you think I am?’

‘I think you must be a very open minded, high marrying man.’

‘That’s what I am, Loraine, good for you. And I’m full of love, wouldn’t you say?’

‘That’s what I would say!’

‘Why?’

‘You’re so warm, you’re never negative, your words are kind.’

‘I see, Loraine. What else, Loraine, because my wife doesn’t love me anymore. She’s done, Loraine, she’s done, Loraine.’

‘I want to see how done she is when she realizes that this man she loves to suck will never have her.’

‘Fuck you, Loraine, fuck you, Loraine, fuck you, Loraine. I am not evil. He doesn’t want me for marriage, is that what you’re saying.’

‘Yeah.’

‘Why? I love him. He doesn’t love me, does he?’

‘I don’t know. He’s suspect.’

‘Why?’

‘Because he won’t integrate into your family. He doesn’t respect safe sex.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘If he really loved you, it would be a sign of respect to shake hands over your virtue.’

‘Fuck you, Loraine. Fuck you, Loraine.’

‘You’re very pretty. But it is your husband’s decision who you are with, and, if they have never met, he can’t give informed consent. Curious.’

‘Yes?’

‘How did you meet?’

‘On Plenty of Fish.’

‘Oh.’

‘You don’t care? About our meeting? Because we have an open relationship.’

‘I know, but this is what worries me.’

‘What?’

‘I’m not a homophobe, and this little threesome of your husband’s has turned me on, but he will turn more gay just to keep up with you.’

‘I don’t want that. Why?’

‘Because he can’t get free, cheap and easy sex from--’

‘Fuck you, Loraine.’

‘What?’

‘You’re saying I’m free, cheap and easy.’

‘No, I’m not. In fact, I don’t doubt you, I doubt your little buddy there.’

‘Why?’

‘Why won’t he meet [ ]?’

‘He doesn’t want to.’

‘It’s like the boyfriend who won’t meet the father.’

‘Why?’

‘Shame.’

‘I see, I see, I see, I see, I see. You think I’m pretty?’

‘I do think you’re pretty.’

‘You think I’m fat and don’t deserve a better boyfriend.’

‘This very boy may need to understand his place in your life. He’s a play thing and that’s it. Your husband comes first. And, at the behest of your husband, he disappears.’

‘He’s sleeping with men, now.’

‘That’s exactly what I’m saying.’

‘Fuck you, Loraine. I thought you liked gay love.’

‘You’re wronging him. And he will turn to men to match you. And that will devastate you.’

‘I know, Loraine, fuck. You think I’m lovely, you were saying, that I love my children, do you think I love my husband?’

‘I think, this is what I think, if this guy were to reveal, candidly, his true feelings, you would turn and cry and your husband’s shoulder, and that’s how it should be, and that is why the husband is instrumental in the wife’s love life.’

‘Why, though? What about him? He loves you. He tells me that.’

‘Because men do not get dickmatized. It is not sex alone which stirs them. Take a man you don’t love at all, expect sex, and see if there are any feelings.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘I mean to say a prostitute fall in love with any number of men because of the sex.’

‘You mean you’re not discerning?’

‘No, I mean passionate love is blinding for women.’

‘And not for men?’

‘No.’

‘Why?’

‘Why, God?’

‘I intended women to suffer, [ ]. Women are intended to suffer, Loraine, and I know you want to do drugs with your little construction worker, but he is hurt, Loraine, he had the impression that you were banging your drug dealer for better deals, like with him, and he feels hurt.’

‘No such animal.’

‘Drug dealers are drugs dealers, [ ], they don’t cross the line. They, when they do, pay cash.’

‘And they don’t,’ he says.

‘No, they do, but not very often, because they have money, they can get gold diggers, instead of whores, Loraine Laney is a good business woman, despite that she is poor and making next to nothing, as you realize, she doesn’t sacrifice money to too many, so, worry not, [ ], worry not, [ ], she hasn’t had fun with anyone else, it’s just she loves crack and she loves to do it by herself, because then she can talk to her husbands on the ether, and Eminem loves her when she’s high, and that’s it, and that’s it, and that’s it. [ ] [ ] wants to say something.’

‘Oh.’

‘Shut up, Loraine, you didn’t love me that much then.’

‘She respected you immensely so don’t underrate it, please,’ says God.

‘Alright God. I would like to say thank you because I have been getting pedophiles off like crazy with this shit, and this is what it is, Loraine, when I hear the stories, I can’t fucking believe the shit that under age girls are pulling, Loraine, I can’ t, I can’t, I can’t, I fucking can’t. This is the latest, Loraine. You won’t believe it, Loraine. You won’t fucking believe it, Loraine. This is it, Loraine. This is it, Loraine. Nothing, Loraine. They jump on top of the guy and start screwing and then they say it was his fault, and that’s what they’re doing, Loraine, and I have ascertained that this is evil, Loraine. That woman, let’s call it what it is, she is fourteen, Loraine, and a fucking brat, who was on Dr. Phil today is a fucking brat, Loraine, and that is what she is, and she has done nothing yet, but she will, as she is evil and that is what she is, Loraine. There is too much leeway for children these days, Loraine, too much leeway, Loraine, and that is what I wanted to say. Adult court, is what I feel. In view of your system, when would a child be put to adult court?’

‘Oooo.’

‘I know. Rape accusations are serious business, Loraine, and I have come across a few men who are serious rapists, I have, and I smell them coming, Loraine, and the rest are seriously idiots, Loraine, they actually believe this little fuck head wants them, Loraine, and they are wrong, Loraine, there is, to answer your question, no real benefit in accusing a man of rape, none, but they believe there is.’

‘Why?’

‘I have that answer. Because they are so stupid, Loraine, that they think that they will get a real relationship out of the man if they think they can corral him into a rape conviction.’

‘Wow.’

‘What does that mean to you?’

‘Proof that “he really wants me??”’

‘Along those lines.’

‘This is brutal.’

‘It is brutal, but that is what it is, Loraine. When I met you, you were so cute, I thought you might be the same, but I have come to believe that you were a dyed in the wool feminist who would never screw a man, and that is rare, but that is what it was, Loraine, so thank you.’

‘I love you.’

‘Fuck you, Loraine, thank you, Loraine. What do you think needs to be done?’

‘Permission for these relationship must be obtainable early days.’

‘Exactly, Loraine, treating kids like babies forever is silly, isn’t it?’

‘I snuck around.’

‘You did too. Exactly. And my daughter never did. She never did. Because I allowed it, within certain parameters, and I expected the boy to pull his weight in our family, and I was funny.’

‘I bet you were.’

‘This is what is, Loraine, I would call his dad and say, this is what I expect, and his dad would say, okay, Loraine, and this is what it was, and this is what we did, and we have, and we have, and we have, two adorable in laws, Loraine, they are young, and they are in love, and they are wonderful, Loraine, and I bet, I bet, I bet, with his collaring, that your dad could never get that kind of service out of either of you, and that’s what I think now, because she told me, and she was very interesting for me, as I had, as a man, done differently, when I realized that my daughter, my eldest, was, three sons--’

‘Oh fuck. I fucked up. I knew I fucked up. I knew he was the one and it bugged me, it bugged me, it bugged me, and that’s how I fucked up, even, when I told him, and I did confess it to my dad, my dad agreed that I fucked up muscling a young man, he said, was a bad idea. Oh boy. I have been a terrible father, but she was out of control.’

‘She was not out of control,’ says God. ‘She never fucked rampantly. She lost her virginity and that escaped you--’

‘But I didn’t want that.’

‘But that’s what it was, [ ], you lost your wife and nobody was there to supervise the children, and that’s what happens.’

‘I should have put up with her.’

‘I didn’t say that. I’m just saying, that was an opportunity, and, Loraine realizes this now, to corral that boy into responsibility, and he was a good boy and Loraine was a good girl.’

‘Pretty good.’

‘Girls do lose their virginity when the wife is absent, that is why that poem is so profound, Loraine, many husbands, fathers, cried over that poem, Loraine, because it was true, as soon as the marriage broke up, the girls started to lose their virginity, and I am God, I am God, I am God, I am God, I am God, I am God, and I say that nobody should be without a mother and father, divorce is not natural, it’s not, love is natural, and love should be at my behest. And that's it. And that’s it. And that’s it. And that’s it.’

‘How did you feel giving orders to his dad?’

‘He knew my daughter was the vulnerable one.’

‘That’s what bugged me. But, if I invented Gun Oil, and I think I did, I don’t think I fucked that up, I did fuck up my daughter. I did. She could have been married young. Yes, she could have, but it bugged me, and that’s it.’

‘Well, the law was what it was.’

‘What law?’

‘The age of consent.’

‘You were fourteen.’

‘It was gross.’

‘Why?’

‘Consent is nasty.’

‘Why? I don’t understand why.’

‘She’s got this.’

‘It’s in the book. Men ask for sex and women relent, it is part of the natural relationship between men and women and should not be a case for rape.’

‘That’s it, Loraine, let’s leave it, let’s have another beer.’ ~ God