#and that being nonbinary is a legit thing and not some kind of 'confusion' or 'placeholder'

[despite-everything]

oh my god this is an actual gender crisis. jesus christ okay

[scientistowengottlieb-newtkelly]

10 Year Picrew

tagged by @cheesedemarco so i might as well do this hjskgjksjfjgk thanks bro 💕

2010

~2nd grade, 7-8 yrs old

- loved or thought they loved the color pink Wholeheartedly

- cats made Everything better, thought they might be part cat and loved to imagine that they were because they grew up around cats

- i legit don't know how no one thought "hm, something is Off with this one" but no one picked up on them being Different other than the kids smh so i got picked on a bit

- sisters kept asking if they were gay because they had a fixation on katy perry's "i kissed a girl". did not quite know what being gay was.

- put into a gifted program, got confused, never showed up to classes unless the teacher showed up to get them but thinking back was probably supposed to just leave

- like 2 close friends and that was It

- emotionally invested in binging animal planet docuseries'

- wants to be a vet when they grow up

- lots of really Weird ideas that thinking back on now just resulted in spending time alone and thinking or playing alone

- attention seeker :))) didn't receive any :)))))))

- "why are boys and girls treated so differently, i don't understand?? what makes me a girl??"

- polo.... ticks???

- first time cutting their hair "short" (bob cut, just above the shoulders, Loved It and then Hated It, wanted the mako mori haircut despite mako not existing yet)

- first signs of anxiety showed up around this time

2015 (pt. 1)

6th-7th grade, 12-13 yrs old

- sad emo bitch, honestly

- melodramatic as fuck, i would not be friends with them now if i knew them

- attention seeking at its worst

- anxiety at its worst

- lots of pushing people away and isolating from friends in fear of making things worse for them having to see me emotionally compromised in any way

- lots of having to talk people down because they managed to make friends with probably over half of the school's Depressed Children population and had even more online

- first boyfriend, didn't turn out hjskgjskg peer pressured into a few firsts actually

- loved loved loved black veil brides and h*talia/anime in general, do not come for me and do not ask for details, i will deny ever existing during this time period

- first discovers the lgbtq community

- first makes an instagram account

- first discovers what fandom and fanfics are

- first writes fanfics like a fucking madman, literally could pull three short fics out of their ass every day, edited and everything, but never posted them out of fear of rejection and criticism

- really REALLY wants to be an author but doesn't have any kind of faith in themself or their ability

- makes friends who like their writing and latches onto them for the next Ever (still friends with them now 🥰)

- couldn't manage their obsessions with fiction and it negatively affected their life in a few ways

- first girlfriend, still miss her as a friend, but didn't turn out because they still had a lot of Emotions they didn't know how to process

- joins kik and makes a lifelong friend and qpp :))

- finally let themself say fuck. come on bb u can do it just not in front of ur parents ok?

- "i HATE politics that shit is SO ANNOYING and i will NEVER be political ùmú rawr xd >:((((("

- maybe like two other girlfriends or so, was Really Just Going Thru It, Wanted To Find Themself (and also didn't know how to say no to people in fear of disappointment)

- noticable difficulty keeping track in school compared to before

- miles mckenna

- "wait, you can trans your gender?"

2015 (pt. 2)

7th grade, 13 yrs old

- still probably wouldn't be friends with them but better than before

- mom upon being asked to let me cut my hair in the "ellen cut": BUT YOU'LL LOOK LIKE A LESBIAN???

- my reaction, still partially in the closet: YES. AND???

- technically out as genderfluid and pan, did nothing to actually insinuate they wanted to shift what pronouns people used for them because "Oh But What A Burden That Would Be On Others :("

- happier with themselves but still Going Thru It because they didn't know how to put their feelings into words yet

- also a constantly fear of being perceived as annoying or a nuisance

- touch aversion appeared out of seemingly nowhere, got worse over the course of the next two years or so

- sleep deprivation ×1000000000

- more school difficulties,,,

2020

high school senior, nearly 18 yrs old

- successfully transed their gender... mostly. almost 2 years on t. will probably never be out as nonbinary to most family. but at least they have a mullet-in-progress

- been in therapy for somewhere over 2 years, maybe close to 3??

- somewhat learned how to say no and stand up for themself and has removed toxic people from their life successfully :))

- actually has some semblance of confidence!!! you go bitch!!! comfortable in their body after t once they realized their remaining dysphoria was almost strictly social

- emotionally good but physically and mentally running on fumes and fixations

- has come to realize that they probably have undiagnosed adhd and that their therapist needs to get bent because he keeps telling them "no" and then after they talk to him about it he goes "ok maybe..." with no real answer, thanks roger 💕

- overly friendly???? just wants to make people smile and this time knows that if they don't that it's okay because at least they got to smile about it

- fixated HEAVILY on pacific rim and iasip, and torchwood (but mostly just on charlie day and burn gorman BECAUSE of pacific rim hjskgjskjgkahgkg)

- trying to get back into writing fics so hard but things just do no be coming as easily as they once did

- "i type in all lowercase because i FUCKING HATE CAPITALISM"

- probably a maoist idk i'm still Learning new things every day

- manages to actually run a tumblr blog and make friends without having borderline panic attacks??? fun times y'all

- extremely grateful to see how far they've managed to get :)

sorry for uhhhhh putting my life's story on here LMAO anyway. i tag ummmmm anyone who sees this and wants to do it!!! here's the picrew!!! have fun!!!

[transrightsjimin]

I'm asking as a confused trans and gay person regarding some of your recent posts saying aphobia doesn't exist, etc. Do you consider asexual people to be inherently LGBT even if they are cisgender and straight (heteroromantic)? I don't want to discriminate at all, I'm just confused because I see people fighting on here all the time about whether aces are part of the LGBT community or not. Do you have some insight for me as an ace nonbinary person? Thanks in advance!

no it’s fine lol dw!

i’m not sure how to explain this w/o being too extensive in what i say bc i’ve talked about this before but more in private conversations (and maybe some rants in tumblr posts) nd i tend to ramble abt it.

first of all i do not actually like the common conception that there is one way to define LGBT or the idea that everyone should fall within that category term or not, for example because the English language is colonial and rigid and does not reflect on experiences of all cultures, bc being gay or trans are not distinctly different experiences everywhere while they would be divided into different categories. so whereas i was more insistent on saying ‘you must be gay / bi / lesbian / trans to be LGBT / suffer from homophobia or transphobia’ i’ve come to realize now that this argument is rather exclusive of many gender diverse identities that do not correspond to all experiences or cultures. so i will stay away from using that argument.

however, i am speaking from my experience with online LGBT and asexual communities and have seen how the latter has tried to force itself into the other. i think a large issue with the asexual and aromantic communities is that they are partially based upon the creation of AVEN, an online forum founded by a homophobic and antisemitic man, and partially (though related to the former) by just blatantly made up statistics and history. not once have i seen a good argument or research or even personal accounts that illustrate very well why aphobia is a thing. i am asexual myself but do not want to take the lack of discrimination i faced for it as proof. there have been accounts of ‘aphobic’ discrimination that are either 1. much more a general concern with the OP facing misogyny and girls being sexualized, 2. someone making a remark based on a misconception of OP’s experiences or 3. misappropriation of terms and applying them to asexuality, e.g. ‘corrective rape’ was coined to refer to (African) lesbians who were assaulted under the presumption that it would turn them straight. asexuals have appropriated this term years ago to claim asexual people face rape on a large scale because perpetrators try to force them into liking sex. some people don’t even know the original meaning of the term because of this. i’m also not a big fan of this new interpretation of the term anyway, because legit sexual attraction is not the main reasons people commit rape; it is to seek power. this kind of mindset of asexual people being inherently vulnerable to sexual violence due to lack of feeling sexual attraction is seriously harmful; in the crime show Law and Order SVU, a suspect was let off because some main character said the suspect was asexual and this couldn’t have done it. people can be and sometimes are raped by an asexual person, because it is about taking advantage of someone and not attraction. the sole fact that so many authors of overly fetishistic fanfiction are asexual should prove this much, but instead the lack of attraction is used to distance oneself from the harm one can still cause.

and yes, asexual people can face discrimination, especially if you’re a girl you’re expected to be sexually submissive, which is pretty horrifying on its own. but this is not the same as targeted discrimination on a mass scale or institutional whatsoever. we are not thaught as we grow old that asexuals are disgusting, are a joke, or need to be violently murdered. my biggest issue with the asexual and aromantic community that we (as i have removed myself from it years ago) keep telling it that anecdontal accounts of being mildly discriminated is nowhere near the same as risking being kicked out of your house, being violently attacked due to the way you appear or having a partner of the same gender, being systematically discriminated by all sorts of institutions in society and being thaught that what you are is bad from an early age on. and then the counterargument is that LGBT is more recognized but asexual and aromantic isn’t, so ‘ace / aro’ people deserve to be included because they are underrepresented in media. but that is not the case at all. the speed at which asexuality has suddenly been incorporated and included into LGBT spaces, also offline, has been ridiculously fast. nowadays when you see a bunch of LGBT flags you see the asexual one being included a lot, sometimes in 3 different versions, while the lesbian flag is nowhere to be seen. lesbians are consistently excluded from their supposedly own community and they are not included in LGBT due to a need to change underrepresentation or lack of awareness, but because they face their own version of homophobia. the most mind-boggling thing about cis / cishet asexual and aromantic people being told that they are not oppressed, is that the response is not relief (’oh i’m glad i don’t face systematic oppression for this thing’) but anger (’how dare you not let us into your group!’). LGBT is seen as a fun party that is unnecessarily mean to anyone it gatekeeps, as if it is not actually necessary to keep out cishet people who benefit from their privilege and can use that against the rest in the group if they join.

my largest issue with the asexual community however, and i’ve touched upon this a bit before in the post, is that it victimizes itself, to such a degree where it puts itself oppositional to ‘allosexuals’. the whole idea that people who experience sexual attraction to another person are inherently privileged over abd hold power over asexual people is just not true (and the same goes for this rethoric for aromantic people). this idea is so wrong and the whole concept of the ‘allosexual�� as oppressor collapses once you consider that people who are attracted to the same gender are actually in danger and oppressed for their very attraction. not only are those who experience attraction (that isnt platonic) to other people portrayed as oppressors, but also as perverted freaks. once i decided to stop associating myself with acearo people and instead interact with LGBT people with other experiences, i realized just how much stigmatizing abd frankly, homophobic and transphobic bullshit i’ve adopted within the spaces i used to be in and that i still see gather a lot of traction (now their harmful points are also used on twitter and IRL in the public domain). the community has a huge issue where it teaches you to be puzzled and grossed out by people who want to date / kiss / have sex with other people, and this results in GSAs that now include asexuals to prohibit kissing your partner per request of asexual / aromantic members, asexual people showing up at pride with ‘can we just hug?’ signs, the common serophobic jokes (’at least we dont get hiv!!’ blergh), and for me it led to a great discomfort with kissing and sex imagery and it wasn’t until i left the community that this was in fact subtle homophobia because so much content on here is lgbt themed and to combine that with the increasing aversion to romance or sex without critically looking at that is... very toxic to say the least.

so where it’s standing right now, i don’t think including asexual or aromatic people in LGBT spaces on the basis of those identities is a good idea. one community advocates for the acceptance of sex, whereas the other is stigmatizing it and painting off those who are in fact oppressed for their transness or homosexuality, as the oppressors. it clashes and it doesn’t work. the ‘ace / aro’ community (quote unquote bc i see ‘ace’ being used a lot to imply superiority over ‘allosexuals’ like, theyre being the ace at something) has too many issues, which it is largely based on, to figure out. it can be a community on its own and i do not think you need to join LGBT to have a valid identity that has something to do with sexuality or gender and deals with a form of stigma.

it woukd be a rant, i warned you lol

[thatfeministchickofficial]

Crypto-POENiSs insincerely identifying as Non-Binary as though Non-Binary genders = gender criticism.

When those who think of themselves as “crypto-terfs” take on nonbinary identities, insincerely, which harms not only women who are trans, but actual nonbinary people as well, (some of whom are trans women too, some of who are not, and are even trans-masc), It is because they are “gender critical,” and therefore see no real harm/difference. Remember that *Different kinds* of “TWERF/TERF” (More properly referred to as POENiSs) exist, and be aware. This is one type. (They *LOVE* trying to play off an insincere “misunderstanding” that somehow we lump every kind of them in as though they all had the same roots for their transmisogyny, let’s make it clear that we can see that there are different species, and have studied them all...) When a “gender critical” POENiS claims to be nonbinary, they do so because they are trying to act like gender isn’t real, and so the label doesn’t matter. They don’t get that being nonbinary is a collection of genders, and think they can just use it to say “OH, I broke your system, what now???” They are not actual nonbinary people. Actual nonbinary people are not intentionally POENiSy, or at least apologize for it when they are made to see that they’ve been transmisogynist. Actual people who are nonbinary actually identify as NOT BEING WOMEN. Some have dicks, some have vaginas. POENiSs taking on the identity insincerely do so because they feel as though they can infiltrate the system, and try to act like nonbinary people think gender is a lie. Actual nonbinary people aren’t “gender critical,” POENiSs are. They believe gender exists, not as a construct for self-identification, but to impose a strict set of rules for vagina-owners in exclusion, and that men live in a gender-free world, and that this is somehow where they’ll find liberation from the shackles that the patriarchy has thrown on those who gender as women by simultaneously being like “I’m not a woman!” and “I’m a woman!”... I understand that every now and then, some of us (women) like to switch back and forth to get like a “which is it?” out of the world of men, like, HELLO, I’m a woman, this is one of the most useful attitudes in some situation for getting what you want from men, like the truth when they think they can play, this isn’t one of those situations... And like, it’s freaking annoying when POENiSs try to use tactics women developed for dealing with men for dealing with other women, like every time it happens, this is the face we make back at you: :|... That deadpan, mouth flat, eyes so wide they could roll out of their sockets, ready to roll back with a *HUGE* sigh as soon as the disbelief that you’d actually think this would work fades enough for the “OH BOY!!!” to come out of our mouths, like...this is one of those times... They think it’ll let them sneak in... They think it’ll prove a point somehow... It’s not genuine, and don’t be fooled. They especially like to try to convince other nonbinary people that they are genuine, and then use that foot in the door to start getting them attacking women who are trans for calling POENiS bullshit out., trying to make them think when we are talking about “Crypto-Terfs” (like this) that we are lumping in actual nonbinary people, when we are not, or that we are referring only to AFAB nonbinary people when we refer to nonbinary people... I don’t get how this has become such a seemingly universal piece of POENiS rhetoric, all the same, the assumption that we are talking exclusively about AFAB NB people when we (women who are trans) say NB... Probably about half of NB people were AMAB, and legit, sometimes it feels like we (women who are trans) are the only ones who get that... Is it possibly because many women who are trans are nonbinary ourselves? (Technically *ALL* trans people are nonbinary according to... *SHOCK* the binary itself...) POENiS rhetoric though, focuses on attempting to frame dysphoria as though it meant that women who are trans actually somehow secretly define womanhood as owning a vagina ourselves, and that when we talk about “Women and Afab people” basically to mean “People who don’t identify as men,” we somehow are trying to say “People who have, or want vaginas...” No, about half of nonbinary folks have or were born with what society arbitrarily calls “penises,” probably about half of nonbinary people want to have “penises” (regardless of being AMAB or AFAB), and women who are trans who have “penises” are great, and women! Women who want to keep their “penises” are great! Women who have no dysphoria at all about their penises are great, and valid! It’s a clit. It’s a fucking clit, everyone has one! What woman wouldn’t want to keep her clit? This is turning into a side note, and that note is that I’m even sick of the “keep your penis/don’t” language, like, if the surgeon is doing it right, we *ALL* “keep” our girl-penises anyway and just get a vagina, like... unless a woman asks to *NOT* have her clit, like... I don’t see why, that seems like self-harm, ok, tho... I don’t even feel like that ever happens, so, let’s change the language... And since I was talking about NB people with dicks (Like this girl), Let’s get back to that... Oh, what? You want me to talk about NB people with pussies? Cool. I’m not gonna do that right now, specifically because it’s what you want, and for me, a huge part of how my femininity expresses itself is in not doing anything just because some dude wants me to. (Dude is gender neutral right? I mean, I don’t agree with that all the time, I feel like it can be pretty loaded the way POENISs use it just in anger to basically say “I’m catching you ‘acting like a man’ and trying to go ‘bad dog!’ in order to push you back to ‘acting like a woman,’ (<-WTF do either of these even mean, like... if you’re gonna use “dude” like that, you gotta explain these two things to me. Explain it like I’m 5, please...) Anyway, be leary of any person claiming to be “nonbinary,” and “gender critical” at the same time. Actual nonbinary people aren’t “gender critical,” because *SHOCK* all of them who aren’t agender... HAVE GENDER! Frequently these “crypto-terfs,” and really POENiSs in general, act as though they believe “non-binary” is in and of itself a gender, and not a broad collection of a spectrum of countess genders, as it is, and for all I know, it’s cause they actually don’t know better... This is *ACTUALLY* kind of useful as a red-flag... They act like “nonbinary” means “I have ‘liberated’ myself from gender!” and not “I FOUND MY GENDER AND IT’S NOT ON THIS EITHER/OR BULLSHIT, THAT DOESN’T FIT MY LIFE, AND I’M ELATED!!!” Gender isn’t oppressive, *shouldn’t *be*, or *feel** oppressive. Gender is LIBERATING, *SHOULD *BE* *AND* *FEEL** liberating... LIke, this is the whole idea of being trans... We felt (and were *BEING*) oppressed by being *FORCED* into identifying and expressing ourselves with a gender we *DON’T* identify with, we feel *LIBERATED* being finally *FREE* to identify and express ourselves as the gender we actually experience and identify with and wish to express, like... OMG, this is not a difficult concept, and if you actually *WERE* nonbinary, you would get that. You would have found your freedom in the honest identification, and stopped feeling like you gotta fuck with us. Or *ARE* you actually nonbinary? I know I’m making a “woman trap” right now, it’s intentional that I didn’t back away from it, cause it’s being myself, and I won’t apologize for it, I *WILL* call attention to it, because doing so is my prerogative, and because POENiSs are so confused and full of misogyny that like, they’d try to say it’s misogynist that I (as a woman) admit (and am proud) that women know how to do this thing (Men don’t... you just don’t, not sorry...), and at the same time, not even realize that acting like women setting “traps” is a “bad” thing, and not legit just how we’ve learned to survive a confusing, gaslighty world of men *IS ITSELF MISOGYNY.* Like, yo, if you’re nonbinary, then stop trying to frame your life as a woman’s, or your experiences as “woman’s experiences.” Did I say “Only women can set ‘traps’, or did I just say “Men can’t.”...? Dude, give it up. And yes, I call other chicks dude too. I call men, women, and nonbinary people dude... The difference is that I do my best to ask if women are okay with it, or wait for them to do it first. I usually reserve it for stoner chicks and lesbians, cause we seem to throw it around more in a gender neutral-*INTENDED* way, and generally not care as much, except that trans women have a *REASON* to care when AFAB people do it, cause we’re *USED* to it being loaded. You can’t act like you can just pretend away the intentions of your word by being like “It’s gender neutral...” OK... that’s true till you put an *INTENT* to use the word *SPECIFICALLY TO GENDER* someone on it... Like I can laugh and call you “ass” with the intention of a friend to make you laugh when I see you being silly and we’re friends and know it’s all innocent and no harm intended, *OR* I can yell “ass” at a stranger with the intention of calling a stranger out on being harmful and full of shit, like... the word itself is pretty neutral between something you can casually throw at a friend and not harm them if they’re cool with the way you’re using it, and a word which can be used to actively and intentionally “bite at” (Read: HARM) someone. And like, a favorite tactic of this brand of POENiS is to act like if they see you calling out *ANOTHER* “crypto-terf” to suddenly try to get your attention and be like “I see you were talking about me, cause I too am “a nonbinary with a vagina,” yes indeed!” and like, No. Just no. No, dude.  (ABSOLUTELY read this like I'm dog/cat shaming. I am.) We were talking about Crypto-POENiS(s) who *INSINCERELY* label themselves as nonbinary, without meaning it (Fuck, a lot probably are nonbinary and even trans-masc, or men and in denial... some legit probably are women...) And when you hop in, all a *WOMAN* like *ME* sees is one of those many things in life which *IMMEDIATELY* makes us realize “Methinks thou dost protest too much.” Like... If you want to know how to talk to a woman, you gotta be able to learn to avoid triggering that, cause when we think “Methinks thou dost protest too much,” not always, and yet still, a pretty fair percentage of the time, we are fuckin’ right. Just like, stop trying to play word games with women, or do you worst... either way, it’s not gonna work XD.

[mlm-only-support]

I'm sending this bc hoping to offer perspective? I just discovered the "mlm only discourse," but legit the first 5 blogs I found were truscum and/or transmed before I found yours. I'm a nb lesbian, and even with staying pretty quiet and tailoring my online experience, up until the past few months I've seen much more nb exclusionary stuff than support. Fact of the matter is, a lot of people who tout this use the cover of "I just want an exclusive space!" Which sucks bc they're (1/?)

continued: turning the totally reasonable request of wanting a space JUST for people like them (which I totally get), into a dogwhistle, similar to how terfs post stuff that *seems* reasonable but is actually filled with transphobic ideology. This doesn't excuse people sending hate or dead bodies (jfc) by ANY means. But also as somebody who's been mocked a lot over gender and felt for years I couldn't ever identify as I am, seeing an outcropping of nb exclusionary blogs oft headed by truscum/transmed (2/?)

is.... certainly a HUGE red flag, you understand? And it's really unfair to mlm who legit just want a place on the internet to just themselves. I get that I'm not the exact same, but the experience sort of parallels so I was hoping I could offer perspective from the "other side" as it were. Maybe spreading the use of "transphobes/enbyphobes(forget the word)/truscum/transmed/etc. DNI" in banners would help? Because as it is I think that's what's causing a lot of frustration for even (3/?)

innocent nb people because we're so used to hostility, and is a breeding ground for people who can use this as an excuse to promote their harmful ideology regarding nb people. I understand now that "mlm only" is an innocent claim, but it seems to have been quickly co-opted, and it would help if there was a seen effort that showed excluding nb people on a more "fundamental" level isn't okay. Not that I'd want to be in the space of a truscum "nblx dni" person anyway, but this kind of (4/?)

breeds an environment where nb people are expected to sit down an shut up and accept growing numbers of anti-nb spaces because if we do say anything we're called out on being invasive and can't respect people's boundaries, when in actuality that's a cover intentionally being used by hateful people to simultaneously prove how bad we are and successfully lock us out of our communities. And these feelings could be avoided and hateful people quickly shut down if suggested DNI became common. (5/?)

Sorry this was so long but I felt I couldn't message because even though you seem kind, I'm afraid of not being anon because historically I've gotten hate and belittled and told to change my identity etc. whenever I try to speak up. This isn't entirely my place, but I'm hoping that suggestion could help before "mlm only" becomes common shorthand for being hateful and exclusionary like similar sentiments in nblw and wlw spaces have- that screws everyone over, including people who are (6/?)

earnest and welcoming but simply want some mlm spaces for themselves. (Also will help slow spread of indoctrination hopefully, because like how terfs prey on young lesbians, most of the nblm dni people I saw were under 20, and a lot of truscum/transmeds I see are generally young trans men who were absolutely predated on by older exclusionists). Thank you for your time, and I sincerely hope I didn't intrude. I just want these communities to be safe for all who need them. ❤ -Avery (7/7)

(also separate but sorry if that last one sent a bunch of times, I kept getting errors. extra sorry i know i can be long winded but that was like, impossible to condense, yknow? thank you for your time even if you don't feel comfortable posting that, and have a great day and hope you are doing well in these times!

alright so first i wanted to say thank you for taking the time to write your ask, im always open to answering things like this. as well, if you ever do want to dm me, i am completely open to dms and would never do anything like try to change your identity or convince you otherwise because thats just not how i roll

so getting to the content of the ask, i do agree theres a... disturbing growing trend of enbyphobia in the mlm-only community.

our specific community is small, only about 30-40 people. ive noticed about... 3 or 4 blogs that are incredibly aggressive to nonbinary people. ive been thinking of calling one out in particular that constantly posts stuff like "fuck nb people you guys cant fucking read and i dont want you on my fucking blog" (like yikes dawg). i think people like that are using the guise of mlm-only in order to treat nb people like shit, and thats not what i want our community to be about.

ive also noticed the trend of people saying things like "you cant be an nb man" and "you cant be nblm and mlm". this one has existed for a while, before all of the aggression cropped up. i think these people are pretty confused and id honestly want to have a discussion with them to see if i can educate them, or to see if they just... dont want to change their view. i dont see how invalidation of peoples personal identities belongs on a blog about liking men (newsflash, guys: you dont have to want to date them to respect them! its really easy, haha), so god knows why posts like that are made!

i think the banners would be a good idea for mlm-only blogs that are truly nb supportive, to try and weed out parts of the community that post shit like that.

tldr; anon said it was a good idea to make dni banners for mlm-only blogs that say "enbyphobes dni" and things like that, and i agreed because ive been seeing really aggressive enbyphobia in the community for a bit.

[star-anise]

Hi! You don’t have to answer this if you don’t want to, but I was wondering if you know any resources/arguments for explaining how gender isn’t just defined by biological sex? I recently started identifying as genderqueer, and while most of my friends are pretty accepting of the LGBTQ community, they don’t really see how gender beyond the binary is valid. They think that you’re either a man or a woman (trans or cis) and anything in between is looking for attention (1/2)

I was just wondering if there was any scientific (or any other kind of evidence) I could use to show my friend that being genderqueer is a legitimate identity, because I feel like “ID-ing as cis can make me really dysphoric but I don’t know anything other than that and happy to keep it that way” might not be enough for them to not think I’m a “special snowflake” or confused

I’ll do the best that I can, but I also have to admit I’m not even a contender for “most knowledgeable about this subject”. I’m cis and honestly, I’ve spend the last week going, “Am I actually being as good as I could be on nonbinary issues? Ugh, I really think the way I’ve been talking lately isn’t inclusive enough of nonbinary people, I need to do some research and introspection and figure out what to change.” So like! Best-case scenario, actual nonbinary people here chime in and talk about what’s seemed most effective for them in explaining who they are to dubious friends.

For me the hardest part of convincing someone is figuring out what format will actually get it across to them. Like, are they gonna be okay with just Netflix’s Bill Nye Saves the World episode on sex and gender and go, “Okay, Bill Nye’s legit, if he says nonbinary is a thing I guess it must be”? Will they appreciate the snazzy graphics of this explanation of the science? Do they need 16 peer-reviewed academic journal articles covering biology, history, psychology, gender studies, psychiatry, and sociology, in pdf format? (I’m pretty sure I and my followers can DO that, if you let us know and give us 12 hours) Or do they not need the deep science so much as the actionable stuff, like Everyday Feminism’s  3 Simple Steps to Recognizing the Existence of Non-Binary People or  9 Things Not to Say to a Non-Binary Person? 

Anyway: I hope that helps, and I hope more helpful people will show up in the notes!

[pbscore]

Hey! I was wondering if you might have any pointers as to how to figure out gender? I feel my gender is kind of like how you identify but I’m confused as to if I’m really trans or not because I identified as trans for 3 years and then detransitioned, but I’m not sure if that was the right choice now. Please don’t feel obligated to answer this, but thanks in advance if you do!

Howdy, anon! I’m sorry it took me so long to get to this message but I’ve been thinking about how I wanna answer this for a while.

I think the very first thing I would offer to anyone who is questioning their gender right now is to remember that ‘gender’ is just a social construct. There really is no need to label your experience with gender, unless you personally feel the need to. There’s also no such thing as certain traits being solely for ‘men’ and ‘women’. I know it’s a hard concept to understand but the best way I can put it is to see ‘gender’ like clothing: you get to choose how to express yourself, even if other folks may not dress/identify the same way as you.

For me, it took a good 4 years for me to accept my trans masculine/nonbinary identity because I kept worrying about what other folks thought of me instead of listening to my gut. Once I found a ‘style’ of clothing that really made me feel comfortable within and outside of my body, I started to feel better about how I identified. Dressing more ‘goth’ and ‘witchy’ has helped me feel more confident in both my masculinity and in my androgyny! It really helped me realize that, yes, I can be both and people will have to respect that regardless of how they feel. I also started wearing a pronoun pin, on purpose, and have gotten a lot of positive support from my friends and from local folks who come to my job.

Instead of coming out kicking and screaming for people to recognize me, I chose to carve my own path and do what’s gonna make me happy without seeking anyone else’s validation. That is probably the biggest key to finding out any part of your identity, but especially gender since it is more of a physical situation.

Trust me, I had a lot of dysphoria (not that it’s necessary to be trans btw) in the beginning because of how other’s perceived me. But once I found the tools (a legit chest binder, more masculine clothing, and eventually visiting a doctor for HRT) to help alleviate my own insecurities, I became more confident and compassionate towards other folks trying to find their way like me!

For you, anon, since you’ve already been through the initial stages of transition and now you’re not sure whether that was what you wanted, I would start back at square one: what makes you feel the most confident in your gender identity? What clothes make you the most comfortable? What jewelry/makeup (if any) make you the most comfortable? What pronouns (if any) make you the most comfortable? Is there a difference in how you feel when some people call you one specific pronoun?

Some of these questions have helped me come to terms with my identity little by little. For me, I came to the conclusion that I only like being referred to by he/him or they/them prounouns and that I like to be called ‘boi’, ‘dude’, ‘bro’, or ‘butch’ by people. I have no issues with being perceived as a little feminine but only in my mannerisms, not as my gender. From what I’ve noticed, because I have confidence in my own identity, people tend to see me as in the middle more often than not which makes me a lot more happy than I used to be!

I hope this gave you some help on your journey, friend! If you have any more questions, feel free to stop by again! 🐻🌻🌾✨

[haberdashing]

top five least favorite high school memories?

A lot of these aren’t really specific memories so much as things that happened for a while in high school, but to make up for that I’ll give you six xD

Note that for a good chunk of high school, I was out to my friends as asexual and probably aromantic, though I don’t think I knew the aromantic term/distinction at the time.

In no particular order...

The time someone tried to bribe me to go to prom with someone else. I asked if they meant as a friend. They did not mean as a friend. They legit wanted to pay me money to go out with someone, at least for one night. (I didn’t take them up on the offer.)

The time a friend schemed to get me a guy’s phone number because she couldn’t Get that I had no interest in getting a guy’s phone number, or at least in what that generally implies.

The time the same friend as above kept... basically shipping me with another member of our friend group and saying we should go out, to the point where I started to question whether my feelings towards the person in question were romantic, because I really wanted to be friends with this person of the “opposite gender” (didn’t know about nonbinary stuff or that I was agender at that point) and maybe that’s what romance feels like? (Note to past!me: No, that’s not what romance feels like. That’s just friendship.)

The time I got sick before my high school graduation, to the point where I went to the hospital the night before the graduation ceremony. I was able to make it through the ceremony itself, but I had to carry around a giant jug of diluted grape juice because I was hella dehydrated, and some post-graduation plans got scrapped.

How someone on the literary magazine staff not only had the same name as my birth name (which, again, hadn’t realized I wanted to change it, though I already had an affinity for nicknames), but had a last name that started with the same initials as mine, so we couldn’t just go by initials. But the other was in a higher grade than me, so we just went with “(birth name) Senior” and “(birth name) Junior”. It still got confusing at times. (One nice thing about being Ellis now is that it’s very, very unlikely that the same sort of confusion will happen again.)

And the bonus one: for reasons I can’t even begin to fathom, it wasn’t uncommon for students at my high school to use the word “Jew” as an insult. It wasn’t solely directed towards Jewish students, and it didn’t have one specific meaning; it was kind of like how some people used the term “gay” around the same time, as a sort of catch-all insult. The only good thing that came out of that was that I believe that’s what I wrote my college admissions essay on, and that worked out pretty well for me. (Side note: I was Really Into the college search while in high school, so if you’re going through that now, feel free to hit me up for pointers, though my knowledge of specific schools may be somewhat outdated.)

[boyjadzia]

I’m gonna put this under a readmore bc it deals with like, unwanted advances/intimate contact, not sexual assault but just like men being gross, generally, also it’s really long

so this weekend I went to this party, I was invited by a dude I met on tinder. I didn’t know anyone there, I didn’t even really know him, we’d never met before. maybe I was a dumbass for just going with it, even though it was obvious he was interested in me and I wasn’t sure I was interested in him? but I thought, I’m an extrovert, I like meeting people, and I feel like I can’t really decide how I feel about tinder people just from a few texts back and forth, so I was sort of hoping I would be interested in him once I met him. idk.

Anyway, he was clearly flirting with me when we were texting and once I got there he was basically on me the entire time. like, hovering over me, had blatantly no interest in introducing me to other people at the party (also he was at least a foot taller than me). I guess I tried to push away my discomfort bc I’m used to feeling like I’m “colder” than i “should” be bc of my antidepressants and complicated relationship history that makes me not want to jump into things. and I don’t get many opportunities to feel like people are into me, being trans, and my friends thought he was good looking so. I just went with it. Even though he really didn’t present me with much evidence that he was actually an interesting person, and I probably should’ve picked up more on the fact that he couldn’t sense my discomfort.

well long story short I tried to keep him at bay, I left the party to go walk a dog and came back, (and I kind of didn’t want to go back but I did anyway bc he asked me to and I was like well alright I should try to put myself out there, be cool, have fun. why was I trying to convince myself this thing that obviously wasn’t fun was fun? why didn’t I trust myself. idk.) but I went back, and drank a bunch more, and eventually he started putting his hands all over me, I mean not sexually just like rubbing my arms and my back and sides. i felt conflicted about it bc on the one hand, like I said, I’m normally pretty isolated from romance and physical intimacy by being trans, and he wasn’t exactly coming on to me explicitly, but on the other hand I wasn’t actually comfortable with it. and I was really drunk. so I basically just sat there and did nothing and he kept it up (he was also super drunk, but that’s not relevant). and we were having a conversation (with some other people) about like, gender and sexuality and whatever and I think he sensed that this was like, kind of a heavy subject for me, so he was trying to be comforting? idk. but he definitely also just wanted to touch me.

Anyway, eventually it was late and I had to leave, and he offered to let me stay, and I declined, and he offered again as I was going out the door, and I declined, and he kissed me a couple times which I don’t remember very well bc I was very drunk but also just extremely tired. I never really rebuffed him. I was just ambivalent, and he just pushed ahead.

I was kind of vaguely uncomfortable with all this from the outset but it took me a day or two to really process it. but what’s getting to me is like, now I’m reading all these articles about sexual assault that people have been sharing and I’m struck by the fact that this very easily falls into that pattern. Like I said he didn’t actually do anything explicitly sexual, but it was on that path. he wasn’t paying attention to me or what I wanted. he didn’t really care, he only thought about me in relation to himself. it’s messed up.

But the thing that’s really really getting to me is like, these articles are always about women, and I’m not a woman. it says I’m trans very explicitly on tinder, I only have it set to men looking for men, this guy never would’ve met me under the guise of my presenting as female. but I know I look like one, and even beyond that, I’m just a generally small and effeminate person. and one of the things he said in the course of our convo about gender and sexuality was that he’s pan but he doesn’t actually like men that much. or, the way he framed it was that he “doesn’t prefer dicks” which, yikes. and all his previous relationships had been with cis women. idk, I don’t think he was a chaser, but even being super drunk and tired I was taken aback and it def made me uncomfortable.

so part of me wonders, was he acting that way bc he saw me as “basically a woman”? or is this just how he acts, with everybody? this is messing me up a lot because, I’m a nonbinary person, not a man, my masculinity really only feels relevant to me in the context of intimate relationships/sexual orientation, and yet I’ve been feeling so much pressure lately to “pick a political category” because I have to either fall on the side of oppressive/male or oppressed/female. and I know that not being a woman means benefiting from misogyny, etc etc, I don’t care about trying to avoid that, it’s just that in situations like this— where this guy’s behavior was still probably related to my not-maleness, even though he knew I wasn’t a woman so like it obviously wasn’t misogyny, idk. I already feel really alienated from maleness for a lot of reasons. but this wasn’t transphobia in the sense of him not seeing me as a “real man” because i’m not. this was its own weird mix of like, nonbinary/gnc-related transphobia and toxic masculinity, or something.

I’m just confused. because I know nb women (pretty much always AFAB tho) who get annoyed at the implication that you can be a nonbinary person and not a woman and still be oppressed by men. like, the idea that you would be part of a “political category” that maleness oppresses and yet not a woman is an oxymoron. but I just feel like idk how else to conceptualize this. how else do you describe this kind of predatory male behavior? the fact that he definitely didn’t see me as a man, and I’m not? this is why the separation of transphobia and misogyny as being like, totally unrelated axes of oppression feels lacking to me. Bc they’re very intertwined, even if they’re obviously two different things.

I’m just tired of feeling confused and like a bad person. like being nonbinary and trans is an empty statement and not something that I live every day that impacts my life. I’m tired of cis-adjacent nonbinary people, who aren’t trans and are aligned with the binary gender they were assigned, dictating the terms of how nonbinary ID relates to gender as a political construct. of feeling like i’m a bad person for thinking of incidents like this as relating to a larger pattern of oppression by cis men because what else is it? transphobia, yes, but a particular type of transphobia that’s bound up in maleness vs. my lack of conformity to maleness. that reinforces a distrust and fear of men, not just cis people. I’m tired of feeling like this means I’m not really trans and should just go back to IDing as a woman or woman-aligned.

basically, I’m tired of having to deal with binary trans people’s lack of empathy for nonbinary trans people, and non-trans nb people’s presumptuousness. I’m tired of my experience not making any sense and feeling like I don’t fit into anything.

I legit don’t know what to do. I don’t feel like I have any of the right answers. the idea of talking about the oppressive behavior of men in terms of “women and nonbinary people” feels dangerously close to the preposterous “women and femmes” thing. and there are obviously issues women have that I don’t. but like, how am I supposed to deal with the emotional fallout of being preyed upon by men if I’m alienated from every gender-based social grouping in the course of these discussions?

[gendercensus]

NB/GQ Survey 2017 - the worldwide results

This report is very long! Click here for the TL;DR. Click here for a printable Google Doc.

~

Well, it’s been a wild year. Three times as many participants as usual, combined with new survey software and new spreadsheet software and health and financial difficulties, has caused some epic delay - but we made it.

The survey ran from 6th February until 1st May 2017 (84 days), with 9,932 participants. It was promoted on social networks, wherever participants were willing to share. People were invited to take part if they were not fully included in the binary of "anyone whose gender is always entirely and solely male, and anyone whose gender is always entirely and solely female.” It asked:

Which words from a list (plus a textbox) participants identified with [optional, checkboxes];

Which title from a list (plus a textbox) participants most wanted to use [optional, single answer only];

Which pronouns from a list (plus a textbox) participants were happy with [optional, checkboxes];

Whether the participant is in the UK [required];

Age [required];

How you found out about this survey [optional, checkboxes];

The spelling of nonbinary/non-binary/non binary [optional, checkboxes].

A couple more questions were asked, the results of which I’ll not review in this report - I’ll go into more detail later.

[ LINK TO EXCEL SPREADSHEET OF RESULTS HERE ]

~

Question 1: Which of the following best describe(s) in English how you think of yourself?

The top five responses were:

nonbinary - 65.8% (up 1.2%)

genderqueer - 34.3% (down 6.4%)

agender - 33.1% (up 2.2%)

trans - 30.1% (down 4.7%)

fluid gender/genderfluid - 27.9% (down 2.9%)

“Transgender” used to be in the top 5, but dropped by 7% this year. This seems at first glance like a big deal, but it’s hovered between 24% and 31% since the first survey so that kind of fluctuation isn’t unusual.

Here’s the graph of identity words that got over 1%:

One identity word that wasn’t offered as a checkbox option made it over 1% this year, and will therefore be offered as a checkbox option next year: genderflux. That’s when one’s gender fluctuates in intensity without necessarily changing. (Not to be confused with genderfluid, when one’s gender changes.)

I will also be adding “binary” to the list next year - because I list cisgender alongside transgender, so it follows that I should list binary alongside nonbinary.

Some numbers I enjoyed:

22 identity words were offered in the survey.

117 identity words were typed into the “other” box more than once, and 275 identity words were typed into the “other” box only once. That’s one unlisted (under-1%) identity label per 25 people.

That’s 414 identity words total.

People chose on average 3.7 identity words each - around the same as last year.

The most common number of identity words chosen was one - 21% of participants chose one identity label, around the same as last year.

93% of people chose between 1 and 7 identity labels - a little higher than last year.

The following graph shows the data I had available for this year’s top 10 identity words over the past four surveys. Some words don’t have a full history, because they weren’t provided as checkbox options - that’s because write-ins always get much lower numbers. You can see the very scruffy spreadsheet and chart here.

(Note that there is no data for 2014!)

“Nonbinary” is increasing very gradually (up 2% over the past few years), but “genderqueer” seems to be very much a downward trend.

A note on bias

It’s been bugging me for a couple of years that the survey is probably biased. I’ve been calling it variously the “nonbinary survey”, the “nonbinary/genderqueer survey”, etc. just because those terms are the most popular and I wanted to attract as many participants as possible. Unfortunately, this means that folks who identify as these things are more likely to opt in and take the survey, and people who don’t identify as these things are less likely to realise it’s aimed at them.

I wanted to try to change things this year, but the best I could manage was changing the title to NBGQ. I couldn’t think of a title that wasn’t long and rambling, like “the survey for people whose genders are not tidily described by the binary of ‘always entirely and wholly male’ and etc etc etc.” I suspect that the small change I made didn’t make much difference, so I will keep trying to find a better name.

~

Question 2: In a magical world where all title fields on forms were optional and write-your-own, what would you want yours to be in English?

This question allowed only one answer, though people very occasionally sneakily used the text box to tell me about either-or situations - and those titles were counted too.

The top 5 were:

No title at all - 30.8% (down 2.1%)

Mx - 29.6% (down 4.8%)

Non-gendered professional or academic (eg: Dr) - 16.0% (up 3.4%) 

Mr - 5.0% (up 2%)

Unknown - 4.4% (up 2%)

Mx and “no title” have swapped places each year since they were both included in the survey, so the fact that they’ve done so this year is not very notable. Unrelatedly, I’m wondering if the “unknown” number being higher than last year is because we had more participants this year, and perhaps more participants spoke English as a second language? (Pure speculation!)

This year I was able to include a text box to allow people who selected “a standard title that indicates my nonbinary/genderqueer identity” to write in what they use to do so. Of the 269 people who chose that option, 72% left that box blank. The most commonly entered title was Mx, by just 10 people. I’ve not looked into this thoroughly, but it looks like the majority of people using Mx are doing so in an inclusive way - meaning anyone can use it regardless of gender identity. The next most popular gender-exclusive title entered was M, by 9 people - which, if implemented in a widespread way, may be mistaken for a first initial or the masculine-gendered French title. Others entered more than once include NB, Msr, Xr and Misc.

A change I would like to make next year is to specify that participants should be currently entitled to use the title they choose. A lot of people choose “non-gendered professional or academic title” and then say “I’m going to get a doctorate so that I can use Dr”. There’s also often a smattering of people who enter military titles and nobility titles. People might be writing these in thanks to the “in an ideal world” tone of the question! So I would like to make the question more clear and specific to reduce that confusion.

~

Question 3: Supposing all pronouns were accepted by everyone without question and were easy to learn, which pronouns are you happy for people to use for you?

The top 5 are the same as last year:

Singular they/them - 80.5% (up 3%)

She/her - 29.2% (up 4.2%)

He/him - 27.9% (up 4.5%)

Mix it up - 13.6% (up 1.4%)

None/avoid pronouns - 10.7% (down 0.3%)

9% of people didn’t select any of he, she or they.

More numbers:

9 specific pronouns were offered in the survey, along with 4 descriptions (for example, “none/avoid pronouns”).

67 pronouns were typed into the “other” box more than once.

214 pronouns were typed into the “other” box only once.

That’s 295 pronouns total.

People chose on average 2 acceptable pronouns each, the same as last year.

Most people (42%) chose only one pronoun, slightly less than last year.

About 70% of people were happy with only one or two pronouns.

Here’s how the pronouns are faring over time:

The first year had very few options available, so 2015 onward is the most reliable. Singular they keeps increasing, as do binary-gendered (he/him and she/her) pronouns, which have been consistently approximately equal and more acceptable than anything but singular they since I started running the survey.

The main change for this question is that last year I tried to combine the numbers for pronouns that were clearly intended to all be the same set, but with almost 10,000 participants that was just not possible. This year, the following hypothetical examples would have each been counted individually:

xe/xem

xe xem xirs

xe/xem/xirself

...etc. There were 28 totally unique write-in entries for pronoun sets beginning with “ne”, and 26 for “ze” - many of them entered more than once.

Next year I am determined to collect information on each of the five forms of neopronouns, even if that means a participant has to fill out a five question section for each neopronoun they’ve claimed for themself. Ideally I would like to somehow create a form that will do this elegantly, but I know already that I can do it clumsily using Google Forms, so we’ll see. It’s important to me to count the more popular neopronouns accurately.

Notably, the “co” pronoun set was a checkbox option that got under 1% this year, and so it won’t be included as a checkbox option next year.

~

The extra questions

There were a few one-off questions this year. Age, “how did you hear about this survey?”, preferred umbrella terms, and how to spell nonbinary.

I’ll look at the first two questions together, because they really show that this report isn’t representative of the nonbinary population. That’s age and how people were referred to the survey.

For age, around 91% of participants were aged 11 to 30. Assuming that all responses were honest, every age between 10 and 64 was represented, and then some.

There were no limits on how young you could say that you were, so it’s hard to judge how old the youngest participant was - a scattering of people chose ages between 1 and 5, for example. That could be because the question was required, and people just entered a number high on the list, something that was an obvious lie, because they didn’t want to disclose their age. I think that’s fair enough!

Heading in the other direction, we had one definitely-legit participant who was 70 years old.

As for where people came from...

That’s an incredible 73% from Tumblr! Our original promotional post on Tumblr got over 5,800 notes, 3,700 of which were reblogs.

I think it’s fair to say that these ages and referrals are not representative of the nonbinary population. The ages of participants will be influenced heavily by the sites that the survey was promoted on, and even just the fact that the survey is opt-in and hosted only online. Younger people are more likely to be internet-fluent and more likely to be members of communities like Tumblr and Twitter. We also know that younger people are more likely to identify as some kind of not straight, not cis - and we know that the world is becoming more accepting of trans and nonbinary people generally, so younger people are less likely to have experienced discrimination and more likely to feel confident in coming out and seeking community and medical treatment. As such, these statistics should not be considered to be at all representative of the nonbinary population - not just for these two questions but for the entire survey.

I desperately wish that I had the time, money, resources and good health to run a representative survey so that there were any statistics at all about gender-diverse people beyond the binary over the age of 30 and under the age of 16. I’m not aware of any research that sees and counts older and younger nonbinary people and takes into account their language preferences and practical day-to-day needs. If you’re aware of anything, please do send it along to me!

I considered putting in even more work to balance things so that Tumblr users were more fairly represented, to see if it drastically changed any of the other statistics, but in the end I decided not to. This was in part because I had already taken 2 months longer than planned to get the results sorted out, but also partly because... well, a lot of nonbinary people hang out on Tumblr, it’s very very easy to share information here, and that’s where I do most of the promotion - that’s where the Nonbinary Stats blog is hosted. Having said that, almost 3,000 people came from not-Tumblr, which is not to be sneezed at.

Perhaps people from Reddit are more likely to be genderqueer than nonbinary, or Facebook users are less likely to use binary-gendered pronouns, or whatever. But that’s work that I can’t do for this report. I am sure that something interesting can be gleaned from the raw data, so if anyone would like to use it to do the relevant calculations please feel free! Or I might do it myself in a couple of months, if I can. The link to the data download is at the top of this post, just after the introduction.

Next are umbrella terms and the spelling of “nonbinary”. Earlier I mentioned the bias that comes with calling a survey “nonbinary/genderqueer”, and that holds here too.

For the spelling of nonbinary: I spelled nonbinary without a space or a hyphen throughout the survey, including in titles and promotion. So it’s probably not surprising that this was the most popular spelling at 59% - non-binary came second with 33%. But because of that bias, I just don’t think this can be considered a reliable result. (Relatedly, I ran a Twitter poll a few months back that got a similar result with far fewer participants.)

I will ask again in a future survey, once I’ve managed to remove the unnecessary use of the word from the survey and promotional materials. 

For the umbrella terms: 57% of participants were in favour of us having an umbrella term. When asked what they thought it should be and provided with a text box, the vast majority chose “nonbinary”, a much smaller proportion chose “genderqueer”, and many people said “I don’t know” or appeared to misunderstand the question, which is probably down to poor question design more than anything else.

I’m considering the results of this question completely unreliable statistically, but I will use them to inform future questions - again, hopefully with reduced bias! (I’ve used nonbinary and genderqueer as umbrella terms pretty much exclusively with this survey, so that will have skewed things a lot.)

~

The questions I ask

What should the third gender option on forms be called? - Still no consensus in that area. I won’t feel comfortable recommending the most popular (nonbinary) until I’ve done more work to remove bias in future surveys.

Is there a standard neutral title yet? - Not yet. Mx is looking very promising, and is consistently far more popular than all other titles, but just as many nonbinary people want no title at all. It’s really important that activists campaigning for greater acceptance of gender diversity remember to fight for titles to be optional, too.

Is there a pronoun that every nonbinary person is happy with? - As in previous years, no. The closest we have to a standard is singular they, and so I will use the data to campaign for journalists and anyone else with a style guide to allow it. But around 1 in 5 (20%) of us are not happy with singular they, and 9% of us don’t like he, she or they pronouns.

Are any of the neopronouns gaining ground in a way that competes with singular they? - No. This year the closest is “Xe - xe/xem/xyr/xyrs/xemself” (8.2% compared to singular they’s 80%). Users of these neopronouns will probably not reach consensus for many years - language and especially pronouns can be very slow to settle and gain ground. Even if one neopronoun does become very commonly used, many will continue to use other neopronouns for a long time to come.

~

This year in review

There have been a lot of big changes.

We tripled participation! We went from consistently ~2,000-3,000 participants to TEN THOUSAND. This still boggles me. I feel a little bit overwhelmed that you all trust me with personal information about yourself, and I am excited and honoured every year to play with all the delicious data. From a happily hyperfocused human to 9,932 participants, thank you. <3

The survey now has its own social media presence! Which means people can follow me without having to put up with wittering about the survey, and people can follow the survey without having to put up with me wittering about... well, everything else. It probably helped the survey look more legit, which may in turn explain the increase in participation.

I crowdfunded to cover costs! Originally this was just going to be the survey service, but then it ended up covering MS Excel as well. This process was fraught with hiccups and bad decisions, which is probably not surprising since I’ve never done this before. We reached the £330 target in only a few days, which was wonderful, and it helped a lot.

I used a paid survey software service! Specifically, SmartSurvey. I would recommend it. They had a pay-monthly tier, which allowed me to subscribe to that with the crowdfund money and buy MS Excel in an emergency fashion to process the results when Google Sheets couldn’t handle 9,000+ responses, the wuss. SmartSurvey processed checkbox answers more helpfully, allowing me to process write-ins more easily, among many other lovely features. It wasn’t perfect, but it was a big improvement.

I used MS Excel to process the results for the first time! This was not as much fun as Google Sheets. I had to learn a whole bunch of new techniques to count everything, and some of them didn’t even have Excel equivalents at all. It is also hella buggy and crashy on Mac. Overall, it’s pretty much been a nightmare.

The results are therefore available as a MS Excel file instead of a Google Sheet this year. I am sad about this, because it’s less accessible in a lot of ways. Not everyone has access to Excel! Folks are of course welcome to download the files and mess about with the data however they want.

In a more general sense, academics have approached me with questions about the results, even occasionally asking me for advice or telling me that they will be mentioning the survey in their [academic writings]. One person even sent me a French academic paper they’d found that referenced the 2016 survey, which was fun! I do think that anyone with relevant knowledge can probably see that my work is amateur and flawed, but nonetheless I still think it can be useful - and my experience this year is that it has been useful.

Also in a more general sense, companies and organisations are clearly using the results of the survey to become nonbinary-inclusive. For example, HSBC introduced 10 new titles for nonbinary people this year and a fair few of them are popular among participants of the 2016 survey. Similarly, Bristol Water “did some research and found that [Mx, Ind and Misc] were the most popular” - they don’t refer to the survey directly but those three titles were the three most popular in the 2016 survey. I feel that the results of this survey are making it easier for companies who want to be inclusive to make changes, because let’s be honest, if it’s a choice between ignoring nonbinary people and doing expensive specialist research they’re going to ignore nonbinary people...

What I’ll do differently next year

I will probably change the name of the survey and the associated social media URLs. This will be very disruptive, but I think it will improve the reliability of future survey results by reducing bias.

I will continue to look for better survey and statistics software. Specifically, I want to ask about neopronouns in a better way, and I want software that can handle 10,000+ responses.

Closing thoughts

You are all awesome. I love that you are all willing to trust me with this stuff, and I feel very lucky to be able to do this whole thing because I find it really fun and interesting. I learn so much every time. Thanks for another great survey experience!

See also

A list of links to all results, including UK and worldwide, and including previous years

The mailing list for being notified of next year’s survey

~

SUPPORT ME!

First of all, I do this basically for free (the crowdfunded money went entirely on survey software and MS Excel), so if you happened to stumble onto my Amazon wishlist and accidentally fall on an Add To Cart button... well, I would be immensely grateful. ;)

Second, my girlfriend Andréa and I got really fed up of online dating and social network sites that were not fully inclusive of nonbinary and trans people. Either they don’t offer gender options for us, or they don’t include us properly in searches, or they force us into particular pronoun sets, or we are relegated to an “other” box, or all of the above. So we set about designing Starfriends.org (it was mostly Andréa), which uses a pretty revolutionary tagging system to match you with people based on all kinds of diverse stuff which can include gender if you want, and quite frankly the pronoun system is just VERY EXCITING, I’ve never seen anything like it on any other site. It’s pretty quiet and still in alpha (so it’s a little bit buggy and not fully fleshed out yet), but if this sounds like something you might be into, you’d be very welcome there. :)

[lesbrarians]

Junkrat/Roadhog:: Voyages Ch 1

Buckle up, guys and gals and nonbinary pals, because I’m finally following up Origins with a sequel. If you haven’t read Origins, I really really recommend that you do -- this first chapter is kind of a prologue with some refresher details, setting us up for the bulk of this story, but there is defs the occasional reference that kind of requires an understanding of the first fic to fully get it. I know it’s a bit of a slow start, but I hope you’ll stick with it, and thank you so much for reading! (This can also be read on AO3 but I guess Tumblr hides posts if you put links in them so??)

Title: Voyages

Characters: Junkrat, Roadhog

Rating: R

Summary:  After a rocky start and some ups and downs, Junkrat and Roadhog are officially partners, even if things haven’t progressed quite as far as Junkrat would like. With his treasure at the heart of their grandiose plans, they take their adventures overseas and leave their mark on the world, for better or worse. (Mostly for worse. They’re criminals.) Sequel to “Origins.”

---

Junkrat had been the one to suggest that they go international. After the Hyde Global incident, he was more than happy to bid Australia adieu and travel overseas. His flitting notion of going legit had evaporated entirely at the suit’s betrayal, and he wanted to go back to what he did best: good, honest, straightforward crime.

“Gotta say, I’m a bit disappointed that we didn’t end up scrapping any bots after all,” Junkrat said that night, once they’d fled the city and set up camp in an abandoned warehouse further down the coast. “Drones ain’t the same.” He toyed with his RIP-tire, running his finger around its rim. After learning of Junkrat’s treasure, Roadhog had done his best to dissuade him from storing it inside his tire once more, but he had been unable to provide him with a more secure storage space that Junkrat approved of. Back in the tire it went. “Listen, ‘Hog, I’ve been thinkin’...” He dropped his hand and shifted to sit on the tire instead.

Roadhog snorted and put the cap back on his canteen. “There’s a surprise.”

Junkrat kicked at him, his boot striking empty air. “I’ve been thinkin’,” he repeated, raising his voice in exaggeration, “that maybe it’s time to test out my little treasure I got here.” He patted the tire and raised his brows at Roadhog, as if to say how ‘bout it?

“To unleash the god program,” Roadhog clarified.

“That’s the ticket!” Junkrat grinned at him. “Imagine...” He gazed dreamily up at the ceiling of the warehouse. “Takin’ over the omnics. I could make them walk right into my traps, blow themselves up! How lovely.” He sighed, a noise of utter contentment.

Roadhog chuckled. “I’m in. Where?”

Junkrat craned his neck to look at him. “Where what?”

“Anubis took over Cairo. Probably would have spread through all of Egypt if it weren't for Helix.”

“So, where do I want to be god?” He considered it. “Somewhere with lots of bots, yeah? Maybe not here, you and yer mates thinned us out with the whole omnium explosion thing. 'Course, still too many of the bastards for my liking, but at least it's not like Numbani. Place’s crawlin’ with the tinheads.” He paused. “Say, that wouldn't be a bad spot! Sure, it'd be ambitious, but y’know me, I like to dream big.”

“No job too big…”

“...No score too small!” It had become their mantra as of late, and Junkrat jumped at the opportunity to finish Roadhog's sentence every time. He relished the verbal affirmation of their partnership. “But hey, why stop there? We could hit up Tokyo, London--” He interrupted his current train of thought with a gasp. “Korea! Can you imagine takin’ down that huge fucker in their ocean?”

“We'd be heroes.”

They both burst into raucous laughter at the thought of anyone considering them heroes. Junkrat wiped a tear from his eye. “But seriously, mate. We oughta go international. I'm sick of this place. I wanna travel!”

So they traveled. Matters were complicated by the fact that they couldn't go on holiday like normal people. It wasn't like two highly notorious criminals could just saunter onto a plane, particularly two who looked as distinctive as they did.

They resorted to convoluted schemes in an attempt to evade the law, aided and abetted by their ethically dubious associates. With a raid of a scuba diving facility near Sydney and Rosa’s assistance, they were able to engineer a rebreather for Junkrat and an apparatus for Roadhog’s gas mask that served as a carbon dioxide scrubber. Having a computer scientist on their side proved invaluable, as she helped with the electronic bits of the rebreather.

“You sure this is gonna work?” Ava asked, rubbing her chin thoughtfully.

“You’ve done crazier things,” Junkrat pointed out. He climbed into the motorcycle’s sidecar, feet propped up and head lolling back. “Sliced open me head in yer kitchen--”

“--blew up the omnium--” Roadhog added.

“--busted us outta prison. What’re ya worried for?”

Ava dropped her hand and laughed. “Got me there! Yeah, you’ll be fine.” She pulled Junkrat out of the sidecar so she could slap the two of them on the back good-naturedly.

Rosa kissed them both on the cheek. “Be safe, all right?”

Junkrat grinned. “Can’t promise nothin’!”

“We’ll try,” Roadhog assured her. Junkrat snorted. Empty words. Roadhog might have been more sensible than he was (not that it took much), but they were both reckless by nature, and it was rare for Roadhog to object to any of their wilder ventures.

“I suppose that’s as good as I’m going to get,” Rosa said with a laugh.

There was a momentary lull as everyone absorbed the fact that they didn’t know when they would next see each other, or if they ever would again. Although it was empty except for the massive crate containing their motorcycle, the cargo container they were all standing in felt claustrophobic under the weight of saying goodbye.

Rosa broke the silence. “Oh, but before you go, I have a little going away present for you both...”

Junkrat’s eyebrows shot up. “Really?” he said, unable to hide the incredulity in his voice. People never gave him presents. Junkers weren’t keen on handouts, and he had never had someone in his life who liked him enough to give him a gift without expecting something in return.

Rosa handed each of them two soft, knitted bundles. “What’s this?” Junkrat asked, confused. He unfolded it and shook it out to find that it was a jumper made out of thick, black wool, with his trademark bright yellow, x’d out smiley face stitched on the front. A giggle bubbled out of him, and he bounced as he hugged it to his chest. He couldn’t remember the last time he wore a shirt, a proper shirt -- there was an army green vest that he had worn over his bare chest as a kid, but he didn’t know if that counted.

“I figured you both might need something warm on your travels -- I hear other countries get a lot colder than Oz in November.” Rosa’s eyes twinkled. “And I knew you would probably have a hard time finding ones that fit.”

Junkrat laughed, elbowing Roadhog. “Yeah, can’t be too easy finding duds in yer size, eh, big guy?” He remembered the way Roadhog’s prison undershirt had constantly ridden up his belly, exposing a slice of his tattoo. There was something to be said for this whole “clothes” thing. Somehow, seeing the way the fabric clung to Roadhog, muscles straining against the too-tight sleeves, felt way more indecent than when he was shirtless.

Roadhog ignored his comment; there was no point in saying anything to the contrary. “Thanks, Rosa,” he said, turning the jumper around so that Junkrat could see it. It was the polar opposite of his, light cream instead of pitch black, a giant pink pig’s head instead of a demented smiley face. It should have been all wrong, given that Roadhog was without a doubt an aggressive, spiked up killer -- or, at the very least, ironic in nature. But it wasn’t. The tooth-rottingly sweet jumper just suited him.

“Yeah!” Junkrat enthused. “Thanks, mate.” He spread out the jumper on a nearby package so that he could admire it. He was itching to pull it on right now, just for the novelty of it, but the humid heat of the cargo container made him reconsider.

He jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

Junkrat wasn’t used to people being affectionate with him, asides from Roadhog, and even that was still a relatively recent turn of events. It wasn’t for lack of trying -- he’d certainly tried to be chummy with the other Junkers before he’d been forced to go on the lam, but there was something about him that others tended to find off-putting.

So it was nice to have someone else instigate a friendly hug: Rosa’s soft and warm, just like her, Ava’s a tight, one-armed squeeze.

“Thanks heaps for all the help, mate,” he said gratefully as Ava pulled away.

“No worries, you'll just owe me one.” Ava winked at him. “Take it easy, alright? Don't forget about the rest of us down under! And be safe. You lose another limb or get shot, and Dr. Bones ain't around to patch ya up. And I don't really think Dr. Boom is up to the task.”

Junkrat snickered. “Ahh, probably not,” he admitted. He was good at a lot of things, most of which had to do with destroying property or hurting people: healing was not one of these things.

He let Roadhog say his goodbyes in private -- Ava and Rosa were his friends first and foremost, after all -- and crawled back into the sidecar, sloppily folding the jumper and using it as a pillow. If he peeked over the top of the crate, he could see Roadhog’s forehead pressed against Ava’s. Sexual incompatibility aside, there was a certain kind of bond formed between two people who had committed an act of terrorism together. Junkrat had gotten into some serious trouble with Roadhog before, but they had yet to do anything that quite matched the scale of blowing up an omnium.

He hoped to change that. He reached over his shoulder and fondly patted his tire.

There was just enough room for Roadhog to squeeze into the crate before it was sealed.

“Good thing yer not claustrophobic, eh?”

“Speak for yourself,” Roadhog grunted. He handed Junkrat his rebreather.

Outside the crate, they could hear the sounds of Ava and Rosa filling the rest of the cargo container with junk to be mailed. The more large packages to cover up the motorcycle crate, the lower the chances of anyone bothering to pop theirs open for a visual inspection.

The general gist of their plan amounted to the two of them crossing the ocean as stowaways on a cargo ship. Ava and Rosa were their enablers, posing as women ostensibly shipping their belongings overseas for a fresh start. Between bribes, the cost of engineering the rebreathers, and shipping and handling fees, it was turning out to be their most expensive heist yet. Neither of them particularly cared; they needed to burn through their considerable earnings regardless. Australian dollars would be virtually useless to them the minute they set foot in Japan, given that they had no intention of waltzing into a bank -- at least, not with the express purpose of civilly exchanging currency.

The most challenging hurdle would be overcoming the carbon dioxide detectors used to expose stowaways. With any luck, the rebreathers would take care of that, absorbing and recycling the carbon dioxide in every exhale.

It was a long, tense stretch of time as they waited for some signal that they’d escaped undetected. It was only made worse by the fact that they couldn’t speak.

Junkrat wasn’t claustrophobic so much as he was restless. The crate they were in was huge, large enough to accommodate both their bike and sidecar, but with two overgrown men in it, it got cramped very quickly. He could only sit still for so long before he got fidgety.

He didn’t realise he was acting twitchy until Roadhog pinned his hands to his lap. He startled, head jerking up to look at Roadhog. It didn't do him much good, though -- he couldn't read whatever expression Roadhog was giving him beneath his gas mask, and they were currently incapable of using words to communicate.

He sat there, silently staring down at his lap and Roadhog's hand covering the both of his. He had nice hands, Junkrat decided. Strong and sturdy like the rest of him. Nail polish needed a touch-up, though. Still, not as bad as Junkrat's. He had an unfortunate habit of picking at his nails when there was nothing else to keep his hands busy. It was a reflex from back before he'd lost his arm. He might not have had nails on his mechanical hand to properly chip away at the polish, but he could still cause it to flake off with enough persistence.

Maybe it was a good thing Roadhog was restraining his hands, then. A sudden, unbidden image popped in his head of Roadhog’s hands restraining him in other ways. He quickly shook off the thought, as pleasant a vision as it was, by flexing his fingers.

Roadhog squeezed warningly, a silent reprimand to stop moving, there's already not enough space in here. A burst of laughter bubbled up in Junkrat's chest. Holding it in was quite possibly the hardest thing he ever had to do in his life, with the possible exception of learning how to build a peg leg that supported his body and retraining himself to walk.

He really needed to get out of this box.

They both lurched on the spot as the crate pitched forward. Junkrat didn't know what was happening: if they were just being processed, if they were being loaded onto the ship, if someone had found them out and they were being forcibly ejected from the premises. He wormed his hand out from underneath Roadhog's so that he could lace their fingers together. He just hoped that the bribe would be enough to get them through the initial inspection process, and that the rebreather would carry them home.

They'd found the most vulnerable worker to exploit, with Ava as their proxy, and he seemed grateful enough to hold up his end of the bargain. Ten years from now, some child would be going to university courtesy of the country's biggest criminals. It was kind of touching to think about, Junkrat later said, the two of them acting as sponsors to the unwitting less fortunate, even if it was done solely to further their nefarious plans.

After what felt like an eternity, they heard the unmistakable sounds of the ship's engines roaring to life, followed by the gentle rocking of the waves as they pulled away from the port. Junkrat let go of Roadhog's hand and sat up so quickly that he banged his head on the lid of the crate.

Roadhog detached his rebreathing apparatus for the express purpose of laughing at him, or so Junkrat was convinced. He rubbed his head ruefully and struggled to remove his own rebreather while Roadhog shouldered open the lid of the crate.

Junkrat unfolded his body and climbed out of their hiding space onto the metal shipping container that was wedged behind their box. “Next time, I say we just steal the fuckin' boat,” was the first thing Junkrat said after emerging. He cracked every joint in his neck with a satisfying series of pops and stretched out his back. His head was sore -- that was going to leave a bump -- but the relief he felt at pulling off the first leg of their venture surpassed any physical discomfort.  

“Good a plan as any.”

“This whole ‘bein’ careful’ thing is a roight pain in the arse, I tell ya,” Junkrat continued. They were no strangers to convoluted plans, but they weren't used to being cautious. It just wasn't their style. They were loud and obnoxious and stuck out like a sore thumb, and if Junkrat was going for an elaborate scheme, it was going to be a bold one. After spending more time in the slammer than either of them would have liked, however, they decided it was time for a change of tack. Actively attempting to evade capture, as opposed to doing whatever they wanted and running when they were inevitably caught in the act, couldn’t hurt. “Tokyo better be worth all this bullshit.”

He glanced around the cargo hold. They were on the far end of the ship, near the loading ramp, surrounded by packages that ranged the gamut of sizes. There was hardly any floor space to navigate. He envisioned crawling around on top of boxes to get from one side of the hold to another.

Entirely out of nowhere, his thoughts from inside the crate popped into his mind. “Yer nails are chipped!” he blurted out and pointed at Roadhog triumphantly, thoroughly pleased that his memory hadn’t failed him for once.

To his credit, Roadhog took the abrupt change of subject in stride. He looked down at his hands and grunted in agreement. “Yeah. So are yours.” He pulled their dwindling supply of nail polish out of his pocket and sat down, Junkrat scrambling to sit next to him.

Junkrat held out his hand expectantly. He hadn't been very good at applying nail polish when he had two arms made out of flesh and bone. Now that one of them was mechanical, he was even worse, thanks to the fact that it was nigh impossible for him to hold the small brush in his right hand. Built out of scrap metal and a prayer, his prosthetic naturally lacked the epidermal ridges that would help secure his grip, so the brush just rolled out from between his metal fingers.

Thankfully, he had Roadhog. Roadhog, who always painted Junkrat’s nails first before painting his own. “A proper gentleman,” Junkrat had once called him before bursting into a fit of giggles, although Roadhog had maintained that it was because he couldn’t paint someone else’s nails while his own were still wet.

It was one of the few times when he was capable of sitting perfectly still, his fingertips poised on Roadhog’s palm. The spell was broken as soon as Roadhog declared the touchup complete, and it was back to fidgeting as he waited for his nails to dry. He’d gotten impatient in the past and started touching things before they had set, and it always led to smudged nails, so he had quickly learned his lesson.

It didn’t mean he had to be happy about it, though. He groaned dramatically, waving his hand in the air, while Roadhog studiously ignored him and concentrated on applying polish to his own nails. The wait was made worse by the fact that he was intensely curious about his surroundings and wanted nothing more than to poke around and see what other people were shipping overseas.

The moment his nails were dry enough for him to handle objects, he bounded to his feet and set off to explore. The cargo hold was filled with countless packages, and it was sensory overload as his eyes darted here and there, trying to figure out what he wanted to pry open first. He climbed over boxes, peeking at shipping labels and attempting guess which of them contained interesting loot.

He drew up short when he saw a large parcel with a logo on the side that identified it as a gourmet gift basket company. It took him a solid five minutes to figure out how to break into the crate, until he found a piece of metal that served as a crowbar. He wrenched it open to discover an enormous, cellophane-wrapped basket stuffed with fancy Australian cheeses, biscuits, macadamia nuts, and--

Junkrat threw his hands up in the air. “Jackpot!” he crowed.

“What did you find?” Roadhog called out.

Junkrat brandished two bottles. “We got wine, mate! And food too,” he added as an afterthought. “But the grog’s the important bit.”

He snatched up a lump of gouda to bring back with the bottles of wine, so that they could pretend to be the snobby fine dining assholes that they so often mocked. Junkrat put on his poshest accent.

“Wine and cheese for the good sir!” He bit into the hunk of cheese and passed it to Roadhog along with one of the bottles of wine. He plopped down beside him, the second bottle in his lap, and unscrewed his index finger to expose one of the screwdrivers that were part of his mechanical arm’s infrastructure.

Junkrat took care of the cork by stabbing it with the small screwdriver. He raised his bottle in Roadhog’s direction. “I propose a toast!” he declared. “To new adventures!”

“To new adventures,” Roadhog echoed. “And old friends.”

Junkrat was touched, but he tried not to let on just how much the sentiment affected him. Still, he couldn’t hold back the smile that stretched across his face. “Cheers, mate!” he said, clinking bottles with Roadhog and taking a hearty swig. He was fairly certain wine wasn’t meant to be chugged, but he’d be damned if he let that stop him.

Unlike hard liquor, which made him rowdier than ever, wine turned Junkrat into a sleepy drunk. A bottle or so later, he yawned and inched closer to Roadhog, seeking out creature comforts.

“S’good shit,” he mumbled. “Only ever got pissed off plonk before, y’know, whenever one of the Junkers got their hands on a wine cask or two.” He didn’t know that the good stuff tasted so much better. Wine would likely never be his drink of choice, but it wasn’t all that bad.

“Good old chateau cardboard,” Roadhog rumbled.

Even in his groggy state, Junkrat found the term inexplicably hilarious. He laughed uproariously and pressed an affectionate kiss to Roadhog’s arm.

For once, he didn’t have much to say; he just wanted to be close to his partner and enjoy a moment of silent, drunken bliss. They didn’t get quiet moments together very often. Roadhog was absorbed in sewing a new patch onto his harness, and Junkrat pulled out his detonator to give his own hands something to do. He rested against Roadhog’s leg, his entire body heavy and lethargic and warm as the waves of drowsiness washed over him.

Roadhog placed a hand on his head and ruffled his hair, and Junkrat barely suppressed a purr of contentment. It was a small gesture, but one that he loved. It was affectionate in a way that he had never experienced before Roadhog came into his life. It spoke of familiarity. It made him feel like he was home. He leaned into Roadhog’s touch and fiddled with his detonator, wrapping tape around it. It was cozy in the cargo hold like this, tucked up against Roadhog’s side, and he gradually drifted off to sleep, detonator falling to the wayside.

[pigeonacademic]

Sweetums, I'm sorry but you DID. Your dumb ass got too scared of backlash, so you've blocked me and instead of reblogging, you're talking via chat, as if that's going to save you!

Yeah, you've sort of already did argue with me and you're dragging it on. I admit it was funny seeing some self entitled wannabe victim of something you never personally experienced, and no, trauma CAN'T pass down through the generations like one of your other buddies claimed. That is pure fucking bullshit, anyone with even a quarter of a brain knows that. YOU are never going to change, BUT you should, for the health and safety of everyone else around you. Nobody could give two shits what happens to someone as hateful as you. You're no better than the Nazis you claim you hate. You want to make fun of my fanart? What the hell do you draw? At least I'm doing something instead of bullying people!

Yeah, I fucking love Hetalia, you know why? I spent most of life in shitty small towns in Alabama, we never even had internet because of how poor we were. When my grandparents adopted us after Mom was unable to care for us because a certain health care program fucked her over so badly and on top of losing her job because of her injury, for once we had a home where we had luxuries like internet. Quotev, my first social media site, introduced me to Hetalia. By then, I was twelve going on thirteen, struggling from the MAJOR transition from South to North, and to having new family who I hadn't seen in years on top of being mercilessly bullied JUST for being Southern to where I had junk chucked at my head by assholes whenever I tried to get to my locker. Hetalia was the first anime I was introduced to (if you don't count Dragonball Z and Hamtaro, which I seen when I was REALLY little on TV. I don't remember much of either) so yeah, it may be cringey to you, but whatever hell you're into right now sure is just as bad.

Yeah, it's 2017, SO GET SOME TASTE OF YOUR OWN AND STOP BULLYING PEOPLE YOU SHITHEAD. Also, you want to talk about taste, sugar? I noticed your username when said aloud, sounded VERY familiar. I remember Dad’s dad (Southern grandpa, in other words) telling me stories of such a creature when I was little, but it’s been a good decade or so since I heard about them, so with a little google search-

Look at your damn username. Naming your blog after a MYTHICAL CREATURE? (As well as something from the White Wolf fandom, so either way, you're a tasteless ass nerd.) 

Look you’re even hostile, just like it! I bet by just going into the wiki page, I can find a whole loto shit that applies to you. You may actually even be a Fomori- Let's see what you look like then based upon your species:

PFFFT. Yeah, you're actually just what I imagined you to look like. @saiyanhero  @diaroon  It’s hilarious, because they were rabbitting on me for having no taste-buuuuuuuut when you pick a creature like this for your blog, then go around bullying people, well, if you’re going to do that don’t dare bring up blog quality, looks and fandoms. Not when the creature you picked is this ^ 

Now that that’s done, let’s take a looksie at their blog, okay? 

Oh, let’s see what’s wrong with this picture:

-NB lez.What's that supposed to mean? I know NB can stand for nonbinary, but the lez part?? I don't want to make assumptions here and assume that's a abbreviation for lesbian.

-Oh dear GOD, the fact you used the term MENTAL to describe yourself.. Yeah, you've proven you're a peice of shit already. I guess people weren't taking you (rightfully) seriously when you claimed to have PTSD because of what some Nazis did to your great grandparents in the concentration camps, so if you thought by putting "mental" this would somehow make you look more legit?? It makes you look more like an edgy twelve year old. If you actually HAVE something (which I bet you don't) then just fucking write it, mate! When most normal people see 'mental', they usually click out of the page, because we know what that edgy shit entails. 

-You're white. Good, because whilst I'm white passing I already posted photos of my Native American mother and grandparents just to prove to bigots like you that I'm actually mixed. So, since you're so FOND of pulling the "I'm Jewish so NANNANA!" card, can I pull the "I'm Mixed, so NANNAA!" card too? IF you want to talk bigotry, you are being a racist shitlord :) and my great grandparents went through just as much hell as yours, sooooooo- (Including the one who went off to fight those damn Nazis.)

-Seventeen, just like me! YAY! 

We can dance! 

We can jive! 

Having the time of our lives! Ooh, see those kids- Watch that scene! Dig in the dancing Queens- Young and sweet Only seventeen-

I'll look into your "read before following" later.

  Oh, so you're in Britain or are you paranoid because you pissed off a few Brits, thus why you want to know who's viewing your blog?SLAM POETRY BANDCAMP?? X'D I'm sorry, but when I first read that I thought "HOLY SHIT THERE'S A CAMP FOR THIS?!" Because holy hell that was golden. So after recovering from laughing. You might want to change where you place your links :') By the way, slam poetry is just Baby's First Rap Battle. 

-Believe in reverse oppression. Uh, I hate to break it to you, but you have no right to be calling it reverse oppression (It's just oppression) BUUUUUT since you want to go there, let me bring up one itty bitty thing that this site deems invalidates you from ANYTHING oppressive:

YOU. ARE. WHITE. Yeah, according to Dumblr, Jewish or not, if you're white then you're automatically more privileged than anyone else! Me, I'm barely scraping by since I'm white passing, but you just outright said you were white, so therefore you're oppressing me :) See how ridicolous this is? Yeah.

-Are truscum/transmedicalist/you know what I mean. Uh, I actually don't. I've heard truscum before but I never knew it's meaning. I'll google it real quick-

OH.. Well that just solidifies that you're a stinky piece of shit.  I guess being Jewish wasn't enough for you, you had to get something else to balance out that whiteness. Being nonbinary is actually okay, but the fact you don't think people need dysphoria to be trans..well, fuck you and everyone who thinks like you. Several of my friends are transgender, one who just came out to me very recently. The one I know has a transphobic family so he's dealing with a lot of bullshit from them as well as people like you!! He can't even transition because of his family and it fucking TEARS HIM DOWN. Then you people say you don't need dysphoria to be trans?? Okay, so what, are you supporting of transtrenders taking up all the hormone pills for transitioning, then them at BEST stop taking the pills because they're getting dysphoria, or at worst, killing themselves because of that?? Pretending that they were transgender but the moment they actually start taking treatment, they regret it?? Wow. Piece of fucking shit confirmed even more so than it has already been.

-are a terf / gender critical / sympathetic w terfs and the like

Okay, at least this part I agree with. However, how do you determine if someone is a terf sympathizer? Do you do it the same way you label people as Nazi sympathizers? Yeah, I bet you do. 

-ship dirkjake (at all), willhannibal, or any other abusive ships (u can shoot me an ask or w/e if ur a survivor and ill take the situ into consideration)

OH MY FUCKING GOSH- Listen kiddo, YOU NEVER take that into consideration!! I already made a post on this before but IF YOU PULL AT THIS AND YET PUT "But this doesn't apply to survivors tho UwU" then I'm sorry, BUT YOU ARE ALREADY HURTING SURVIVORS. Also, not even that you'd "take it into consideration" so what, if the person disagrees with you on something you automatically take away their SA or CSA status? Damn, you truly are one hell of a horrible, nasty ass fomori.

-interact w anyone on this list -interact with kin of dirk from homestuck Er, I'm not into Homesuck but I can tell that whatever this is, you're definitely the crazed one here. If anyone is kin with a fictional character, yeah I get weirded out, but honestly, what do you have against this Dirk fella? 

-i am:

white english i do not experience transmisogyny

Yeah, you don't experience trans-misogyny because you're NOT transgender! You're nonbinary, but not transgender.

and

nonbinary lesbian

Now this got me really confused: How can you be nonbinary and a lesbian? That, and your pronouns said "they/he", so I am assuming 'she' is not part of your identity. When I'm done with this, I'll look it up, because otherwise, it's just..it's not looking good for you.

-nd (autism and trauma stuff etc)

Welcome to the club, buddy! :D I personally have AS (doctor diagnosed), which is on the autism spectrum. As for your trauma, judging from the shit you send, is it because of what the Nazis did to your great grandparents? I'm sorry, that is not actual trauma, it's just you feeling VERY strongly for how they felt. A good part of me is saying that you just self diagnosed, so you don't even have any of what you claim. Another part of me wants to believe you on the autism one at least, but it's a rocky balance.

-working class Same here, buddy, and it's to where my grandparents can't even afford a babysitter for my two little sisters so I have to stay home to watch them all the time while they work.

-if ur in britain and this is ur first time viewing my blog send me an ask telling me who u r and that ur not a threat. (if u wanna be extra kind, click my viewcounter and lmk which one is u)

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA- Remember what you said on how my blahblahbalhblah instilled to where I thought you and the others were threats??

That was the pot calling the kettle black, YOU JUST ADMITTED YOU THINK PEOPLE ARE THREATS BEFORE THEY EVEN MEET YOU HOLY SHIT- Talk about paranoid, and I thought my paranoia was bad when this truck pulled up alongside me when I was going somewhere so I decided to be safe and run-BAHAHAH! Wow..just wow.

-please identify yourself if youre gonna thoroughly go thru my blog and/or personal tags, it really REALLY stresses me out.

AW, what a little pansy!! People going through YOUR BLOG YOU KEEP UP an the TAGS YOU KEEP OUT IN THE OPEN BY YOUR OWN WILL stresses you out?? Aww!!  Maybe later Mummy can get you a juice box and cookies to help you feel better about it!!

Seriously mate, you do realize that people are doing this without even consulting you?? HOW is it stressful?? Are you worried people will find something you wanted to keep hidden??

What a poor excuse for someone that hails from the UK. 

-im shit at tagging triggers. if theres smth you really need tagging lmk n ill try my best but im forgetful

"Shit at tagging triggers" BRO. All it takes is a FEW SECONDS to type at LEAST "TW".  Nah, you're just really lazy and you don't want to deal with people on your ass about tagging triggers. I mean, you're NOT a decent human being so I don't expect you to understand what a common trigger is.

-i post a lot of fuck knows what. aesthetic? theres some fandom but idk what fandoms but everythings tagged and its mostly aesthetic and memes afaik, i wont put shit i like here bc i never update my theme but like? good omens and That Gay Shit

Generic ass description of what people typically blog. Gotcha.

-blacklist

SO YOU DO HAVE A BLACKLIST! Here's a hint for everything above: USE IT!

Let’s take a look in that list, shall we? 

-tag or die -rare and necessary:

Pfft, sorry but when I saw the title of your blacklist I immediately thought about the "Join or Die" thing that the USA had during the Founding Fathers' era. Not relevant, just something I found hilarious.

-loss -slits Okay, these are typical triggers that do have a lot of relevance, so I won't fault these.

-ketchup (!!!)

Ketchup?? Uh, is it because it looks like blood? Once again not judging the UK's quality of ketchup or if you've ever actually seen blood in your life, so I will let this slide.

-baked beans (!!!) ..........Baked beans? Seriously? Uh, I THINK I have a reason on why this would trigger you, but unfortunately, you would get triggered by me saying it. Either ways, what have baked beans done to you?

-condiments (!!!) - preferably this one over the two above because just mentioning those things can upset me. i know. its weird. fuck off.

Wow, you're one to talk to me about shit, lol. "Wahhh its weird, FUCK OFF M8!" (You in a nutshell) Ketchup I can actually see some people getting upset with, seeing if its not on food and splattered everywhere, it can look like blood depending on how runny it is, the coloring and people who don't see a lot of blood in their life.  What other condiments upset you? Mustard?  (I think I know the reason behind this one too, lol). Mayo? Kind of weird since you're 100% white, but I guess it does look like a body fluid. Relish? Well, it doesn't look like vomit, so I don't know what you have against it.

-repulsion stuff (necessary af): Once again I can agree with this.

-essentially everything and anything sex related i blacklist most tags trifold so ur covered Okay, this I can understand. -other

-dirk strider (i also blacklist #dirk) homestuck dirkjake

..............Okay, like I said I know nothing about the Homestuck fandom, and it seems you hate it too, and it APPEARS that the DirkJake ship is abusive/problematic with you, so I'll let that slide. However what the fuck do you have against one character?

-furry mlp my little pony

Furries, yeah I can see. I'm friends with one, but nobody wants to see two animals at it on their dash. However, MLP? What, are you allergic to friendship or something or feel so miserably lonely because nobody wants to bother being friends with someone like you? I don't blame them honestly.

-stridercest bro strider trypophobia bright red Welp,  I looked up trypophobia..I don't blame you for blacklisting it, that shit is freaky.

-food eating

....................Okay, are you a plant or something?

-catch all

rigdontlook

No idea what those are.

I just took one look at your whole blog..HOLY SHIT people, we got ourselves a contender for Guineapig Kin!! It’s as if Mubz, Guineapig Kin, Morning Star and Lucifer all spliced theirs to make this! This will have to be a whole new post, gdi-

[vixen-vangogh]

polyvore was being a pain in the ass no matter how many words i tried to censor so here’s the life update i meant to put in that set

- have been living in a somewhat stable housing environment for almost a year and four-ish months now which is WILD and a huge record break for me.

- kind of have a partner? we're def QPPs and have been nomadic vagabond companions since like 2015 and have been sleeping in the same bed, cuddling, making life plans together hardcore since then. when i try to explain our relationship to others i explain that we are like Bert and Ernie from sesame street. it's not romantic but it's definitely a very serious thing and there is nothing i could forsee that would face our future that would not be faced together as companions. i was kind of chatting with a buddy the other day who was asking abt stuff and i was mentioning how an aphobe asked, 'how is this different from a best friendship, why do you need to call it a queerplatonic relationship?' and my instinct was to be all, 'well idk i mean i think most best friends don't stick their tongues in each others mouths' but like that said, some best friends do that and its totally legit but the main difference is we call it this because it is more accurate to the intricacies of our relationship.

a best friendship implies different things and a QPR is what we have been calling ourselves for some time.

- have come across the term alterous attraction many many moons ago and have concluded that more or less, this has been the basis for all the experiences of 'attraction' i have thought i felt in other categories. turns out i just love being pro/miscuous and cuddly and affectionate with people and it doesn't necessarily have to have any of the other attractions present. it's just an expression of my alterous attraction. and idk it just seems to make way more sense. someone said it was a commonplace for pre-questioning lesbians to make up to themselves crushes on boys with calculations involved about why this person is attractive.

i think maybe i do experience other forms of attraction but they're seldom enough that it's more anecdotal. and i'm going to call them crushes anyway bc it doesn't matter what i say or do - people are going to be confused by me and who i am and i shouldn't have to sacrifice the nuances involved in who i am and how i live my life to try and get smaller minds to understand it.

and nobody has to understand either. i don't even understand. that's heckin ok bro

- i've been on them 'ro/ids (testosterone) on and off for three months in spring/summer 2016 (androderm) and then the injections for some amount of time this year and there's been a lot of body changes. but mainly i'm looking at nu/des of other people on hormones and realizing like... what if I'm actually inters/ex? it makes no sense for my di/ck to be bigger than people a year on hormones in half the time, does it? like what's up there? and my body is signif hairier in a way that is noticeable to me and my QPP.

last week when I got the inje/ctio/n the nurse (who is a really nice lady? like smiley very friendly maternal type) asked me "how did you know?" without other context or anything.

I didn't really know how to begin because honestly no one had ever asked me that before and it's the one question I needed somebody else to answer back when I was like, 15/recently 16 and needed help finding myself. I wished future me could visit past me and tell me like, "hey jsyk this is what you concluded, here's the answers, and here's all the stuff I've realized about our past experiences that were actually Signs that you're #genderqueer"

and I think, another thing, I wish I could have told the past me, that the laws were going to rapidly change in my lifetime, and also to avoid any cis person who suggests therapy "for hormone starts" because that's what led me to like, 2 years of rather unhelpful talk therapy that turned into lowkey conversion therapy.

No one should ever make you write a sob story about your past before they allow you the autonomy to make decisions about your body.

I gave a little backstory of timeline and told her how my mom kept saying things like, "why are you so offended at the idea of being a woman?" etc and how we don't speak anymore, how I came out in 2011 and every day for the longest time I had to explain to other trans people who the heck I was. how my nonbinaryness was seen more as a delusion despite the fact that I found the wikipedia pages and message boards and I knew there were other people like me out there. I didn't know of another #nonbinary person until 2013 and even then I only met them in passing at a panel they hosted. (we ended up roommates for a bit around 2016 but that's another story)

I stopped having to give #genderqueer 101s to the LGBT+ community around 2014.

And I feel like after that Laverne Cox paved a lot of way for us, and Facebook started putting other genders on there (which I'd signed petitions for years before and considered to be a hoop dream)

and there's been corrective r/a/pe I've gone through and so many tears I've cried and sui/cide attempted and hospital visits

and things are definitely still horrific and I can never afford groceries. I don't eat enough to sustain myself and live on welfare and am too medicated and disabled to work and have tachycardia and PTSD and other complications of my own forced resilience

but I'm on testosterone or whatever and I look at the changes that have gone on and I know that I was a part of that

but I'm never going to get credit for it and it pains me how much I'm suffering because I started advocating earlier than the majority of trans people out today.

if I had come out to my mom years later, would we be speaking?

it doesn't ultimately matter, because if we kept speaking I still would have ended up d/ead. coming out and having her react like that, topped with her steal/ing from me when I was homeless, years of sui/cide baiting, physical + emotional + etc a/buse my whole life, it's miraculous I ever made it out alive

it's so painful but I just have never had the privilege of choice.

- I've been thinking to go back to school maybe and that I need to actually go at it full force with passion because I think I have gotten way too down on myself for the results that have come from my own halfa/ssery of it all. And my own procrastination etc.

I wish I had access to medical care as a child or counselling or something more than I ever did have because maybe I would have excelled in school instead of suffered to try and keep my head above water. I mean, I graduated honours (equivalent).

there's too much about my life to be angsty about.

- also idk if i mentioned this but i got ar/rested for protecting indigenous folks at a thing and it was in the news and im not going to talk much more on it bc of privacy but i'm happy to dig up the video of the pol/ice dragging me away and the crowd shouting (and gendering me right ;u;) "LET THEM GO, LET THEM GO" and i was a pathetic mess thru the whole thing and just had the wrong emotions the whole time and like 3+ reporters tried to get a hold of me for interview but I forwarded them to the indigenous leaders of the ceremony instead

we prayed inside the arre/st tent and put down tobacc/o and held ceremony and the c/ops were horrible and took so much personal offence to everything we were and every reality that happened that they wanted to deny. they banned us from the public land we were arrested on and it was horrible.

it was in the news and justin tr*deau showed up for a photo op and the organizers weren't allowed in their own tipi. he wasn't invited.

those with the land claim to the area made an official statement welcoming us and condemning the go/vernme/nt for arrestin/g us.

nothing was ever done about that bit other than them releasing us and i went to the hospital the next day to get my wrist checked because i couldn't really use it and the handcuf/f bruises and the bruise on my knee was massive. it's been two months and it's only now faded.

twitter blocked the image of us in the a/rrest tent holding hands in prayer with the hand/cuffs on our wrists. they said it contained "sensitive content"

tumblr did the same, calling it "NSFW" (weird bc literally photographs of my actual na/ked body with links to where u can buy videos of me jerkin is not labelled NS/FW automatically lol?????)

i asked tumblr to review that and they still labelled it as such.

it's just so blatantly a genuine broach of free speech and freedom of religion. it was a crimi/nalized religious ceremony and i got between the co/ps and a woman praying.

- i saw Against Me! in march and the mosh pit was extreme and I fell down at some point and like seven people pulled me up and that and the getting arre/sted thing has really hecked up my knees ! i feel like they're mostly healed since but i've not even been kneeling on my mattress for even a second to make sure of this. otherwise it's just been sudden pain for months but as i said, i think they're a lot better now.

- i came forward abt a pr/edatory ex and a few others of their victims came to me to say that they had gone through the same and that they were even more pre/datory than had been with me. i lost quite a lot of friends in the matter bc what i accused them of was extremely serious and came across as vicious on my part.

i'm going to take it as alright though, because i know that i've put what i said out there, and if they have read it at all, they can at least have these ideas in their mind going forward and take precautions. this ex was confronted publically and directly on social media about it and there were several witnesses and screenshots i had to things they did and said. i'm hoping that serves as some kind of warning for them, about their actions that they have confessed to with several people, and how these things will come back for them. that they cannot evade accountability, that i am a force of nature and if you wrong me or do a wrong in my witness with no remorse on your part or apology, i'm not going to let you live it down.

i care and i am tired of hearing horrible stories about them from others. others who came to me saying that i had been painted as an abus/er. because i know ! people see me standing up for myself as threatening all the time. they worry they aren't allowed to make mistakes around me.

no matter how many times i say it or prove it, there's always those people who are too cowardly to admit when they do make mistakes and who go to great lengths to protect their pride and entitlement.

i know we are all growing. i seek environments of mutual support and growth. i am now in a phase of life where i am not giving the time to people who have no interest in these environments. anyone can be my friend, if they are ready for it. but i don't owe it to anybody and anything wrong i have done i am at a point where i feel like i am in touch with my own humility.

and if someone tries to milk it because they think my vulnerability isn't also strength and something that comes with at least some ferocity... well, that's not my problem.

- my rabbit Snicklefritz is doing fine. he's shedding like the dickens this season and mischievous as usual but hopefully one day I can afford to make him an enclosure again and I can let him out only when I can keep track of him.

he's ruined a lot of sketchbooks and a lapdesk my QPP got me for the winter holidays that we are both heartbroken about.

- I am trying to become less attached to material belongings and it has helped me a lot when it comes to coping with all the sentimental items left with my mother or in the various times I've been homeless or left exes etc over the years.

My memories are in my heart and not something that needs to be placed externally, in an item.

Have also trying to go zero waste (like, becoming someone who produces no garbage, just recycling and compost) and it's really been noticeable all these small differences. I buy way more bananas, lettuce, etc. And I've been making bread and spaghetti and whatnot and having windowsill gardens.

- I'm not cured of anything or whatever and I'm angsty 24/7 and broke as heckaroo but there's enough of The Little Things In Life (gardening, youtube videos, kisses, etc) to help me get by in the meantime.

- three days ago a friend (who I consider(ed) chosen family) I had purposefully cut out of my life a year ago showed up on my doorstep to tell me I was right about everything and to apologize for all the wrongs. That they reread conversations we had around then and that they have grown and grown into a better place. They were 18 then and 19 now. We were from the same hometown and they're still there but moving to my city in December. I missed them so much and they stayed with me a few days. I feel a bigger sense of home in this city knowing they're going to live here soon too.

- I've been Really Intensely looking thru my DNA and geneology stuff since last winter. For some reason Indian (like, South Asia) shows up in my DNA and some southern Europe/Northern Africa/Middle East kind of region. My father was adopted via a stepdad and I figure this comes from his bio dad. Or maybe it doesn't, I don't really know. My maternal haplotype is supposed to be one that's generally found in African populations which throws that whole theory. My mom and me also had to use hair picks (afro picks) when I was growing up because our hair was so naturally thick and the waves really tangled up. Every time we went to get my hair cut in that white rural town the hairdressers would comment how they'd never seen such thick hair before etc. I'm still struggling greatly to find answers because everybody's last name is phoenetically weird except for my dad's mom's line which has an extremely Cornwall last name and anyone with that name is definitely part of that family.

Doing research to find what I was told growing up (that I was Kanien'keha:ka via my maternal grandmother's grandmother) has been very difficult because I'm not sure which grandmother of hers it was, and one of them seemed to remarry several times and I cannot be sure of any of the surnames being a maiden name. It's also really hard to know what the spelling was supposed to be because it was written phoenetically. But I think that one's likely English anyway. The other one I haven't reached yet but my grandmother's father's father seemed to be from a Metis community outside a reserve where I remember being told we had ancestors. It seems we're descendants of some really famous anglo Metis folk. I've not figured out the specific links to lock the names all into place properly in my family tree but it's the surname and the small community that are an exact match and on the message boards.

It's a lot to think about. I've been struggling with my racial identity for a long time and regardless of nuances and ethnic identity I feel like I'm just doing this research to seem special or more interesting or to branch out my activism. DNA is not ever going to tell me who my ancestors were, just the locations a small handful of random specific ancestors lived. Family trees are going to help, but they're not going to help me too much as someone who doesn't actually have blood family I'm in contact with really.

I might see if I can get in touch with an older cousin I have on Pinterest because she seemed to be the only one (besides my younger cousin) who really ever sent me vaguely kind gestures after I came out. She was the only one who seemed to be supportive when I did my grandma's eulogy. (Aside from my sibling who went up with me. But I don't speak to my sibling for other reasons.)

I have a paternal cousin as well but we're more half-cousins as my dad's mom had a few different men in her life and I don't actually know if he does have full bio-siblings. I don't really know if it's worth it to reach out to her because with all the technicalities and separations and adoptions and half-relatives I don't know whether I can ask her to ask around, or if I can just ask her, or what.

Anyway whatever it's just easiest to explain my ethnicity as being Metis because talking with others and stuff it seems like maybe this is the best way to label myself, to explain my complicated history and acknowledge that my blood ties are not what makes me me, but rather my ethnic ties. I have traditions and beliefs and ancestors I'm reconnecting with and trying to find.

Not all my ancestors were great people. But it is interesting as heck to learn about them. (Especially seeing pictures and some of the weirder resemblances from like, 5th great grandparents.)

Also one of my greats of grandparents crossed the US-Canada border several times in his life and near the end of them the border agent wrote "seems odd" on the thing and I haven't found any explanation for why he was crossing the border either lol which is pretty dang interesting imo.

- anyway idk I think I'm good ?? have been getting a lot of new interests and hobbies lately which feels good, feels right

i'm getting muscles because of them hormones and probably eating healthier or whatever and drinking more water and just livin life as best i can

could use some more dollars however but what can u do when welfare doesn't go up to match minimum costs of living haha :)