#and tbh she hasn't felt this way with anyone else in a long long time even before she became undead and had to deal w the other kindred

[ineed-to-sleep]

So I've had this wip sitting in my folders for months now and decided to ressurect it to satiate the urge to draw these two again

[female-eren]

What is your opinion on jeankasa? I know its the butt of a lot of fandom jokes but personally I really like it and I think they make a lot of sense together - they both have dream of domestic life, raising a family, that kind of thing. I think they have a really interesting dynamic with a lot to explore. Again Jean is the butt of a tonne of fandom jokes lmao but he’s always been super respectful to Mikasa (Unlike Eren I love him sm but lets be fr) and I also love how he doesn’t hesitate to call her out on a couple different instances on s4 despite his crush, he’s really in tune with reality, like he’s so head over heels but also a potentially very grounding force for her

2/3 (same anon) Also your thoughts on AruAni? I loved it even in S1. I hate when people say it’s random because the seed was planted back then !!! Like it’s very subtle but like…. ofcourse it’s going to be like that given the kind of character Annie, especially, is. They definitely could’ve been handled better in S4, but I think that goes for pretty much everything in the latter half of S4, everything was a bit rushed and packed in all at once

3/3 Also I love all your takes on Aot and Fem!Eren!!! Which brings me to I genuinely hate when people joke about Eren being an incel and I hate how dudebros who be like “mee!!” to American Psycho and Joker and shit have adopted Eren. Like no… he’s for the girls. Eren is #1 woman respecter unironically…He was on the frontlines fighting for womens rights I was there I saw it

Hiii so sorry I've taken so long to answer this ask. Thank you!

I love making fun of Eren but the sigmachadbatemanjoker males don't understand and never will

Regarding jeankasa... I honestly don't like it. I agree with you that Jean is a good character and a good person, but I think that ship and especially it being more or less endgame (at least in the manga) comes from the classic case in a lot of male-authored stories, ie that because a male character is in love with a female character, obviously they end up together. His desire is the only necessary building block of the relationship, her purpose is to be desired and since he desires her, it's basically her duty to be with him.

Also this meme lol

I also think my unenthusiasm for any Mikasa ship (Eren x Mikasa, Jean x Mikasa etc) come from how poorly I think Mikasa herself was handled. Even if she was given somewhat more personality in the manga, she still had basically zero development. The half-assed last chapter and the shoehorned theme of "love" and Mikasa being the one to free Ymir the Founder didn't help. Mikasa as a person is in essence passive and stagnant. She hasn't ever had any goal besides "be close to Eren". I think that if she was given an arc of, for example, travelling to Hizuru and earning an education or accompanying Historia on negotiations with other world leaders would have expanded her character and given her something else to do. Exploring Mikasa's relationship with anyone other than Eren and Armin would've been interesting, even if I love the original trio. I would've really enjoyed seeing Mikasa use her strength and intelligence for something else, and develop interests and motivations separate from Eren. Had she done these things, I think both her relationship to Eren and Jean could've felt more... I don't know, like they had substance?

AruAni I do find cute in some ways, although I'm not really a shipper when it comes to AoT (goes for all ships in this series tbh). Especially in S1 I thought Armin and Annie had potential. I think Bertholdt's memories complicates the relationship, and the character assassination of Armin in S4 really sours the character and the ship for me. I also found the treatment of Annie strange. There's zero animosity in this group. The last time most of them encountered Annie she murdered dozens of people in really awful ways in front of them. She wrecked a city. Not even Connie seems to resent the Warriors at all, and while I found the pie-eating scene both funny and actually realistic (it's absurd, and due to the extremely complex emotions and experiences surrounding the scene, Connie's absurd reaction actually feels believable to me), I also think giving us JUST the pie scene isn't enough.

I also like Hitch and Annie. love this pic though

I think those are pretty much my thoughts rn. I hope to get more asks about aot :-)

[iamnotawomanimagod]

"being triggered isn't real" and then I literally freeze up and can't move for five minutes straight after a bad phone call with my mom lmfao

(very long venting session incoming, abusive-parent related)

I've tried to be gentle but relatively firm about what a bad idea her coming to live with us again would be, because it took three days for it to catastrophically break down last time she moved in.

but when fights get bad with her partner, she ends up calling me and basically begging to try again

I don't want to live in a triggered state 24/7. I don't want to walk on eggshells and pretend to laugh at her offensive jokes and deal with her judgmental comments and never get any time to myself ever again and always have to put my "people face" on in my own home

I don't want my husband to feel uncomfortable in his own home and not be able to stim and be goofy and carefree which is something he literally can't do in front of anyone but me

I don't want to have to move the litter box and find a new place for it, and deal with however she decides to treat Adaine that will probably piss my cat off, and I don't want to give up the room I have that is my own space and not anyone else's (other than the litter box lol)

I know people are supposed to respect their moms or whatever, but my mom put me through a lot - and I've forgiven her for a lot. but that doesn't mean I want to open myself up to new things that I will have to forgive.

she got dealt a bad hand in a lot of ways, and I really feel for her, but that generational curse worked its way down and I've done everything I can to just try to have a peaceful and safe life. and that can't happen if she's in my home. even if she magically became a totally peaceful person (unlikely) I can't just turn off my trauma response to her mild irritation and/or other perfectly normal human emotions like sadness/annoyance/bad moods etc. I will never be able to relax again.

and I'm honestly a bit bitter because she left so easily last time. I only finally caved in because she convinced me that staying in her partner's home was literally killing her, that the walls were leaking poison. she said she wouldn't last another week because of her health issues. she acted like it was a life or death situation.

but it was preferable to go back to that situation than to live with me, the last time we tried this and it felt apart. how quickly she forgets. and she ended up staying in that house for several more months, so it was never as bad as she said it was.

and I know my mom, I know that she has a really hard time admitting when she's also being shitty, and she tends to blame her partner for everything. and her partner is shitty! my mom's picker is broken! it's not my job to fix that, it never has been, but that doesn't stop her from asking me. because she doesn't have a whole lot of other options if she and her partner do split up. she has no income, no money of her own, no other options for housing. I get that she's in a shitty situation, so I don't feel great about trying to be firm with this boundary.

anyway when I said I'd have to think about it, because it went so poorly last time, she hung up on me. and I know I hurt her and I know she's scared, but that reaction also really doesn't bode well for general communication in a situation where she did move in.

the last time this happened and I agreed to it, it was because the topic kept coming up during really difficult moments for her (just like today's phone call) and I felt like I couldn't say no. and then I tried to delay it as much as possible, and that's when she hit me with the "this is killing me" line. it was a choice made out of desperation, not a well-planned one made in moments of rational calm.

I really wish we'd gotten a two-bedroom or a one-bedroom now.

she hasn't called me back or texted me. it's been like thirty minutes. I'm supposed to go see her tomorrow. not sure if I want to, tbh.

[humblemooncat]

Character Themes

What instrumental track would play in the background of your character's story during their most meaningful moments?

Tagged by the lovely @mimble-sparklepudding

It's Me by Sleeping At Last

I chose this one for Ki'to because it sounds like the light at the end of a very long, very dark tunnel. If I could replace the music at the very end of Endwalker, after the Endsinger fight, with a pause at 1:28 and continuing after the fight with Zenos, it would be this.

After the constant struggle, there was finally a sense of 'Thank the gods, it's finally over'

It also reminds me of this one line in Undertale that honestly fit with how he felt during that stretch of time.

The Jellyfish Song (Music Box Cover)

With her having lost all memory of her childhood in Thavnair, I just know that returning home is going to be one of the most meaningful moments for Orias.

This just gives me that childhood vibe, while still being sorrowful. Which, given she hasn't been to Thavnair since, if the memories come back to her upon seeing home again she will probably need a while to just... be. Not that Urianger and Thancred would mind (in fact, Thancred would probably be by her side. That ship is set to sail by ShB tbh, she put her foot down on it being him), and Estinien would just have to be patient.

Divine Creation by Sleeping At Last

This one is still upsettingly short for how it swells, but it gives a very good base for how I'd imagine Rhala's instrumental might go.

He loves the water, and one would almost exclusively find him down by the docks if he wasn't in his room or Labyrinthos. It calms him like nothing else. So in a meaningful moment, a swell of music and waves sounds like the perfect backdrop for him.

Honestly this gives me strong "Beloved son" vibes where Hydaelyn is present in the cutscenes, like the above. It just gives that sense of floating in a space of ethereal nature.

Ill Equipped by Sleeping At Last

This gives me desert child vibes, which is perfect for Lohi given he's from the U Tribe of the Sagolii Desert. So far, since he's only part way through ARR, that's really the only thing defining him right now in his head. So I could imagine this would be playing as his personal bgm until later when he gets more well-rounded as a character.

As you can see, Sleeping At Last is generally my go-to for instrumentals. Absolutely stunning music, I cannot recommend it enough.

Decided to go ahead and add one for each of my main OCs in addition to my WoL, as well as explanations because I'm very meticulous when it comes to what goes on each of their playlists.

Speaking of! I actually completed Lohi's a couple days back, so feel free to enjoy it here!

I'll probably make him another later on after he completes EW, this one's just his vibe.

Not sure who's been tagged yet, so I'll just tag anyone who's seen this and hasn't been tagged yet in case y'all want to do it too! <3

[slutty-cthulhu]

shaggy and velma have the energy of friends who at some point explored dating (non-sexually, neither of them were interested in sex cause velma was lesbian and didn't realize and shaggy honestly strikes me as somewhere on the ace spectrum), and eventually realized that their dynamic was purely platonic and that they worked way better as best friends than as romantic or sexual partners also shaggy definitely thought he was straight when he was dating her, then realized he was "gay" when he fell for fred and that his feelings for fred were way different than how he felt with velma (prompting the conversation about the nature of their relationship that led to them readjust into a friendship), then realized he was bi when he realized he was also in love with daphne fred's that guy who was really really about being an LGBT+ ally and then realized he is in fact LGBT+ at some point (mood lol), has been with daphne for a long time and was the first person she came out to when she realized she was bi (he probably suspected it before she did tbh); they'd always been various flavors of open/poly as they discussed their feelings for each other, their understanding of their respective approaches to romance, and their respective needs in a relationship daphne was always good friends with shaggy, but it was when fred started dating him and she started getting to know him better that she really fell in love with him, she probably had some anxiety about like "well we've dated other people before but idk how it'd go if we're dating the same person" but she and fred talked about it extensively with each other and with shaggy and they've made it work velma was daphne's first girlcrush (well, the first that she recognized as such), when it came out that velma was gay daphne had that moment of "oh my god i have a shot, wait ive been hoping for a shot?", and after checking that it was cool with shaggy (who was at this point dating fred but not yet dating her) she asked velma out, and the two have been close ever since velma isn't currently seeing anyone else but she's open to dating others, she just hasn't met anyone yet that she's wanted a long-term relationship with; she's met a few people that she hit it off with and had a casual romantic thing with, but none that she's fallen for as hard as she loves daphne

"I don't ship poly Scooby Gang because I hc Velma as a lesbian"

You small minded fool! Observe!

[saturneves]

Feel free not to post this ask. Just wanted to update you on myself. Idk maybe you actually care about me, and I don’t want to give you unnecessary anxiety.

I have just been very anxious (always am tbh but whatever). Having a hard writing an ask to you because my brain thinks I am sharing too much. And also because I haven’t talked to anyone for almost a year now (other than for school shit and excluding maybe 2 people that chat with me on and off, and of course my family) so you talking to me and saying compliments my brain go brr for that. So anxiety. I still see your art. It is still so gorgeous and I still love it. I will never stop thanking you about it. Sorry for over sharing.

Uhh just wanted to share this link with you, so that you can have something to do (been reading on here that you need distractions and stuff, and I had this saved for a week now but anxiety again). So I hope it helps https://takewhatyouneed.carrd.co/#distraction . But I can suggest you to do some jigsaw puzzles (if you have them, but I'm pretty sure you can print some and then just cut it out. I haven’t tried doing it this way yet but it probably works, I really like puzzles lol), you can sew to make stuffed toys out of old fabric (don’t know if you have stuffing but if you have an old pillow, that would work), you can try needle felting (again need to buy materials for that, be careful to not stab your fingers while doing it. I have done so countless of times lol. Would recommend you try out a kit first, like the one that tells you what to do and has set materials. Or you can do whatever you want), you can do diamond painting (buying materials again, I like doing small things. Don’t know if you'd like it though), and you can try 3D miniature house kit (again again, need to buy shit with this one. Little things again).

Ok sorry for the long message again. Other that my anxiety I am also having my finals next week. So I probably will be back after that. Let's see if my anxiety won’t be a bitch and let me talk to people. Ok I hope that shit I sent helps. Thank you so much, ok byee

-🎩

this ask truly warmed my heart❤ you never have to worry about oversharing, i love seeing you in my inbox! i'm not big on chatting so asks are perfect for me, as i can take all the time i need to work out what i'm going to say and stuff. you don't ever have to hesitate to send me an ask whenever you've got something on your mind, i love hearing your thoughts about my art and anything else :)

i get the whole not talking to people thing, i got very sick 2-3 years ago and basically had to shut down my entire life, i stayed home with my mom for nearly 2 years and lost all my friends. i missed 2 whole years of school. it really fucked up my ability to make friends/form connections and when i had to go back to school my anxiety was through the roof, and it hasn't fully eased up. it's not until last year i worked up the courage to actually talk to somebody at the new school i had to go to (well she approached me first but hey, i felt brave enough to keep talking to her), and now i think i have a best friend. i sincerely hope you can find some sort of calm, that you can make a connection too. i'm bad with encouragement, but i do try my best, so trust me when i say you've got this!

and woah that link!! i tried a few of them out, i loved the 'watch the stars' one, i like space. i'm gonna check the rest of them out throughout the day, thank you so much! i'm not good with sewing or needle felting (tried both as a kid) but honestly i would like to try it again.. i have a bit of stuffing over from my killing eve bear so i could make the tiniest stuffed animal in the world i guess lol. as for needle felting, i might have to try again someday!! i also poked my fingers all the time when i tried it as a kid, ouch. and i've never actually tried diamond painting!

well this is turning into a long reply. i hope you're comfortable with me publishing this ask, if not just let me know! i wish you all the luck in the world with your finals!! <3

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

Okay so I saw the Emily episodes last night and now I’m just sitting here having a Sad over it. Like, I’d been previously aware that an Emily existed, but unaware as to how things actually went down, so more of a surprise than I’d expected.

I loved the fact that—we’ve seen Mulder be super protective over his sister, but this time we get to see that protectiveness being expanded to another little girl. He really cares about keeping kids safe, doesn’t he?

The part where he’s not sure what he believes anymore 😭 (can’t remember if that was from these episodes or not though)

A little surprised he wouldn’t give Scully a heads-up about what he was about to tell the judge regarding her infertility, seeing as she didn’t already know it. So glad she didn’t get really mad at him. He hasn’t told her a lot of things though, including about what he found in the office during this arc. What’s your thoughts about M trying to protect S by keeping things from her?

I loved that she called him in for backup. She’s facing little to no support on all fronts, and then one phone call brings him unquestioningly in.

But poor Scully, fighting a losing battle all the way down to the end—this whole storyline just radiates loss.

oh the Emily arc... all my feels. sorry for taking a few days to get to this, it's been a loooong weekend for me lol and I haven't gotten much sleep.

I didn't expect those episodes to hit me as hard or stick with me as much as they did, but here I am, trawling AO3 and Tumblr for every fic I can find lol...

dude yes that connection between Emily and Samantha... Mulder already projects onto children so often on cases, because of his own childhood trauma, and Emily is just this lost little girl who needs protected, who's a part of the conspiracy out of her or anyone else's control — and she's Scully's, too — and it's kinda like... of COURSE he was going to absolutely adore her. of COURSE he would bend heaven and earth for Scully's lost little girl. the part where he goes after that doctor and shoves him up against the bookshelf and yells and threatens him is just ahsjdjsksk he is SO protective 😭

(also the fact that textually, IN CANON, IN AS MANY WORDS, they outright stated what happened as medical rape... the one and only time Chris Carter was self-aware....)

ok so re: Mulder not telling Scully about her stolen ova — I think a lot of this comes down to him being Really Bad At Talking About Things (TM). he doesn't want to add that knowledge to everything she's already struggling with during the cancer arc, and, if I have it correct (pretty big "if" tbh), the Reduxes happen shortly prior to Thanksgiving — which means that at the point of the Emily episodes it hasn't been all that long, maybe a month and a half, since her cancer went into remission. so I just kinda feel like he never had an opportunity that felt like it would be the right time — knowing how awkward he can be, idk when/if he *would* have told her without the circumstances of CC/Emily tbh. they can talk about so much stuff all the time but when it comes to serious things, they both s t r u g g l e. and, like you said, in a way he was trying to protect her from more pain — especially since she was also fighting cancer.

and yeah!! she really can't think of anywhere else she wants to turn, anyone else she can depend on the way she can trust Mulder — and of course, he's there for her in heartbeat. no hesitation, they're there for each other no matter what, no questions asked. the way he supports her in these eps always gets to me, he's struggling so much both bc he hid the fact of her infertility from her and because he, as always, blames himself for everything that happens to her and by extension Emily, but he's there at her shoulder at the hospital and doing everything he possibly can for her and her little girl. it's heartbreaking honestly, especially when the doctor asks if they're the parents and they look at each other (and uh... please note that they Don't deny it....) and Mulder ducks his head like he thinks he's undeserving even of that assumption. but the fact of the matter is that he DOES often, as i saw a now-deactivated user point out once, take on quite a bit of the responsibility that a husband would for Scully — even so far as being the one to go with her mom to choose a hecking gravestone when they think she's dead, and being the one to call and tell her mom she has cancer. I know I joke a lot about Mulder being husband material, but... for real. and in the context of the Emily arc, that HURTS.

poor Scully indeed... she's constantly put through more trauma, more loss, more grief, and she carries it with so much grace most of the time, but she doesn't deserve any of it. neither does poor sweet Emily, for that matter... honestly the Scully girls all just deserve so much better (including Melissa... my beloved.... I miss her every day...).

[ari-shipping-stuff]

Freezerburn Week 2020

Day Seven - Free Day Aging Soulmate AU

i especially enjoyed writing this one, so i hope you enjoy reading it ^^

———

au: once a person reaches eighteen, they stop aging. but when they meet their soulmate, whether they know it or not, time unfreezes so they can grow old together

if your soulmate dies however, the aging process stops until you meet their reincarnation. the aging process gets faster, or it doesn't. the circumstances lie on just how said soulmate died.

———

A puff of smoke floated out of Malachite's lips.

"She slipped past us."

"Again?"

"Yes, again," said Little Miss Malachite. It might've been the smoke, but her Southern accent seemed to thicken as she went on. "She's good. Better than her past five lives. Maybe a memory or two stuck."

A small groan left Weiss Schnee's throat.

"Then you'll just have to work harder," she forced through gritted teeth. "She can't hide forever. Even if she remembers dying since 500 AD."

Malachite raised an eyebrow.

"She hasn't been seen by anyone since last month. It'll take a while."

Weiss eyed her suspiciously. "Since when were you of all people worried about how long it'll take to find someone?"

"I'm not worried about finding her, darlin'," Malachite chuckled, fiddling with the cigar between her fingers. "I'm worried for what the time's gonna do to you. Will my client still be here to pay me by the time I find this Xiao Long girl?"

Weiss sent her an icy glare, walking closer to her table. Most of the time, Little Miss Malachite had personal guards at her sides. But not when the audience was Weiss Schnee.

Weiss Schnee, who'd been a client of theirs for fifty years now, and from the start had enough authority and money to shut down their business and have them all killed.

If the Schnee wanted them alone, she would have that choice.

"I assure you, Malachite," she gripped the edge of the desk, leaning forward. "I'll be damned if I die before she does. I have a company to run. And if it goes down with me, so will you. Don't forget who protects this little business of yours."

Malachite narrowed her eyes.

"S'that a threat?"

"Wouldn't be the first time, now would it?"

•••

Weiss twirled Myrtenaster then jabbed it forward, flickers of fiery energy shooting forward and straight into the Ursa. It let out a last roar before distinguishing into smoke.

Weiss had to admit, Forever Fall was an unpredictable yet ironic place for Yang to hide. It was crawling with all sorts of Grimm. Especially now, after the disbanding of the Huntsman Movements. Not to mention the history they shared in this forest.

Let's just say some of the trees weren't always red.

She treaded quietly, wanting to minimize as much noise as possible. As far as she knew, she could pull off a sneak attack. Like many times before. But killing her soulmate got just a bit harder every time. Maybe being murdered in every life by the same person instilled some instinct in her to hide.

Either way, Weiss needed to be quick. She was growing more twenty-one by the second. And she was not going to let thousands of years of bringing up her family name go to waste.

Crnch—!

Weiss raised a hand, her fingers spread out. A white-blue glyph formed at the tips of her fingers.

She scanned the area for anything, but it was dirt and stone and autumn leaves for miles. And she was certain she didn't step on anything.

But as she turned to check behind her, a shot flew past, narrowly missing her head.

Weiss ducked behind the nearest tree, cursing when she realized she'd dropped Myrtenaster. Her glyphs formed over both hands, slowly crackling with energy.

She heard someone jump into the clearing.

"Guess you found me."

Weiss paused. The same voice. Always the same.

"Guess I did."

It was a blur from there. Weiss jumped out, Yang brought down a storm of golden shots. The glyphs, first on Weiss's hands, were suddenly everywhere, keeping her mobile.

"Why do you want to kill me so bad?"

Yang was sent flying backwards with a soft 'oomph'. She landed roughly against a tree, jumping to the side to avoid the hold of Weiss's gravity glyph.

"We've had this same conversation for thousands of years."

"I know. Yet you never answered."

She thrust herself fists into the air, throwing out shots like tongues of fire.

Weiss held out a hand, and her semblance stopped all the bullets midair.

"Not important."

"But it is!" Yang cried.

Weiss took the moment to enclose one of Yang's wrists in her glyph.

Yang gasped at the discomfort in her arm. As if the energy was holding her in place by rooting itself into her arm. As if one wrong turn from her could rip her arm off like a toy.

It wasn't long before Weiss got a hold of the other arm.

Yang grinned, pulling away from the force. Trying, rather. Her heels dug holes in the ground and her eyes grew red, but her efforts were all in vain.

Meanwhile, Weiss just stood there. She drew as gun from her coat. One bullet to the head and she'd earn herself another twenty to a hundred years. But she hesitated. Like always.

Despite the hardening she'd done over the years, there would always be that nagging in the back of her head telling her to stop. Don't kill Yang. She was her soulmate, after all. What did she do to deserve constant death? Why not finally settle down and stop this madness? Get an heir. Rest. Let it go. And she'd thought about it. More than once.

Weiss fought with her hesitance. The hand holding her gun trembled and she felt her face s]well, as if she was about to cry. Yang saw. And she was already crying. With a mere blink, tears fell down her stained pink cheeks. Her eyes faded to a dull lavender. Smoky. Dark grey.

Part of Weiss wanted to see that purple light up again. Even an angry red. Anything else.

"You.. Still didn't answer the question." Yang sniffed.

Weiss clenched her teeth, trying to steel herself. Stop being a fool.

She raised the gun.

A sad smile graced Yang's lips.

"Maybe the next life then, huh?"

Weiss sighed in a breath, moving her glare away from Yang. She didn't want to see.

"Maybe I'll knock some sense into you next time around, Ice Queen."

She pulled the trigger.

The gunshot echoed throughout the forest, and soon, Weiss's head. A tear slid down her cheek.

"Maybe."

———

well.. that was a ride. i fell asleep while typing last night

i do really love this au tbh. all the random storylines you could make with it is incredible

— ari

[punkscowardschampions]

Ava & Nancy

Ava: Has he told you? Nancy: Yeah Ava: How are you holding up? Nancy: better than he is Ava: Not saying much but Ava: that's something Nancy: how are you holding up then? Ava: It's been, a rollercoaster implies that it's in any way on the rails so not that, something as up and down and side to side Ava: tornado, perhaps Ava: but it's far from about me so I'm just here, you know Nancy: I know what you mean Ava: It's more to do with you than me Ava: so, what did he say exactly? Nancy: You know what he's like, just coming out with it Nancy: there's nothing for me to argue with Nancy: maybe if I had a clue then but now Ava: Yeah Ava: but none of us did Ava: I think mum was probably right, even if that's fucked Ava: taking it to the police wouldn't have done anything Nancy: She'd had talked her way out of it, his word against hers and he doesn't come across well when he's upset Ava: Exactly Ava: it's one of those legal grey areas Ava: morally black but you know Ava: can't get charged for that Nancy: I feel like shit, if I hadn't left it wouldn't have been her and none of this would be happening Ava: I know, but you have to try not to think like that Ava: she picked him, really Ava: he was angry and upset, with you, yeah, but Rio too and you know, everyone and everything Ava: but I don't think he would have pursued her, if he were in any state Ava: and she had her problems with you, but I don't think that's solely why she did it either Nancy: I know but he could've used any girl in Chelsea to get back at Rio, it was her because of me, that's all my thoughts keep coming back to Nancy: and no other girl would've used him like that for any reason Ava: We all let each other down Ava: sometimes you have to do what you have to do Ava: and then sometimes bad shit happens because of that Ava: Chloe wouldn't have felt the need to drop this if I weren't with James Ava: we could all just keep on not knowing Nancy: It's not your fault, Av, she hated you cos she hated me first Nancy: it's not like she's heartbroken over James Ava: Still, it wouldn't have happened, you were never going to be dating him Ava: but none of us can live beholden to her and the things she has over us, we shouldn't Ava: at least now, we aren't, she's played all her cards Nancy: Did Buster tell you she's already engaged? Ava: I heard Ava: I looked on Gen's profile and he's like her dad's age Ava: and really stereotypically Italian Nancy: Gross Nancy: I swear to god, she's not a real person Nancy: who does any of this? Ava: I think she does her hardest not to be Ava: fuck everyone else Ava: her parents are just Ava: at a total loss Ava: we say ours are ashamed of us but this is so real Ava: they've had more to do with James than her for years now Nancy: At least he's got their support Ava: I think they're just as scared that they'll lose contact as he is Nancy: Yeah, of course Ava: Did he say if he'd told Ri yet? Nancy: I asked, when I was at my angriest, before I really understood what the circumstances were Nancy: He wouldn't talk about her which either means he has and it didn't go well, or he's still working up to it Ava: She's going to know something is wrong, he can't hide anything from her Ava: and the test takes as long as it takes, I know he was waiting for that but I don't know how Nancy: Right now, I'm selfishly glad that she knows we barely talk so she won't ask me Ava: That's going to be Ava: not fun Ava: never mind how pregnant she is Nancy: Oh god, don't Nancy: I was going to come back for a while but maybe that'll make it worse Nancy: Like he'll think I'm just there to oversee his downfall or something Ava: You don't think that will happen, do you? Nancy: I don't think she'll leave him Nancy: But the old wounds this is gonna open up, even though nobody's disputing he didn't actually consent, when they're still dealing with everything that happened with Venus Nancy: add her hormones in and his way of reacting to literally anything Ava: Fucking hell Ava: you should come back, if you want to though Ava: regardless Nancy: Ri might need me Nancy: not that she'll admit it, obviously Ava: 'course Ava: I don't think it would hurt Nancy: I'm a crap babysitter but I'm a great person to vent at about him so Nancy: if I slag him off enough she'll start leaping to his defence automatically Ava: An evil-good plan Nancy: something good needs to come out of all the evil Ava: We can but try Nancy: Yeah Nancy: I know I need to Ava: Does feel better than doing nothing Ava: only a bit but Ava: still Nancy: I wish there was more I could really do, but it all just feels too late Nancy: inventing a time machine feels very above my capabilities, if I'm honest Nancy: Feel free to tell James I'm here if he ever wants someone to talk to about his monster of an ex Ava: I will Ava: you might have to open a hotline, by the sounds of it Nancy: That'd be a decent earner while I'm back Ava: Time is money, like Nancy: exactly Ava: Wonder what the wedding will be like Nancy: what I remember hearing about hers and James' sounded awful Nancy: but of course this one will have to be more stereotypically Italian Ava: fucked herself on flower girls too Nancy: unless he's got a big family she can insert herself into Ava: Heaven help him Ava: or she's already knocked up, the only way she does it is with a gun to her head and the groom's Nancy: has anyone checked he can speak enough English to know what's going on, like? Ava: I don't know if we've got the welfare team on that Ava: he looks pretty pleased with himself Ava: the pictures would really confirm your homosexuality for you tbh Nancy: Well that's disgusting Ava: If he was the teenaged pool boy, be all over that, obviously Ava: can only hope she's met her match this time Nancy: Even if she hasn't, like you said, there's no more she can do to any of us Nancy: And she'd never get the kids back if she wanted to try that as a last resort Ava: Not putting anything past her obviously Ava: but yeah, I can't see her trying and failing at that any time soon Ava: it's a small mercy Ava: she was no mother Nancy: Imagine having her as yours, oh my god Nancy: it makes me wanna hug mum Ava: Let's not get too crazy Nancy: the urge will have passed by mid-flight, don't worry Ava: Unless you have too many complementaries, of course Nancy: well yeah Ava: No one would blame you on that score Nancy: it doesn't help though Ava: The drink or the lack of blame? Nancy: Both Ava: Yeah Ava: not much in the party mood myself Ava: pity or otherwise Ava: though being forced to 'focus on my schoolwork' like that's remotely important right now is getting me close Nancy: Is there a brochure for the planet mum and dad live on cos I'm really intrigued by it? Ava: They really think they can keep me out of it Ava: Like I'm not the one who did the DNA test, like I'm not the one who got James and Buster to talk Ava: sure, I'll forget about that and write my politics essay, hold on 🙄 Nancy: I'll do your essay as long as you leave enough time for a thorough spell check Ava: You really wanna keep busy, yeah Nancy: Yeah Ava: You are allowed to be angry with him Ava: you know Ava: because he was a victim too doesn't mean you're not allowed to feel that Ava: even if it means you don't direct it at him, you don't have to try and repress it Nancy: I am angry at him, but I'm also so tired of being Ava: Damn genetics Nancy: He can't forgive me for going and I can't keep defending why I had to Nancy: cos he'll never accept that it's not entirely my fault, that I needed him to help me and he wouldn't Ava: He does though Ava: he's told me Ava: like you said, it's too late Nancy: He'll never tell me, so we'll only ever talk when he has good or bad news to give me Ava: Yeah Ava: it's because it doesn't change it Ava: like you said, no time machine Ava: getting him to admit that he wasn't there doesn't change that he wasn't, even if you want to hear it Ava: just like you explaining why you had to leave doesn't mean you stayed Ava: it's all just words, you know Nancy: Then how can we ever? Ava: Maybe you can't Ava: because that isn't a truce Ava: if neither of you is willing to leave your post there is no middle ground Ava: you actually have to be ready and willing to drop defending yourself and blaming each other Ava: and neither of you is, so Ava: that's that Ava: you can't make yourself give it up, clearly Nancy: It's so unfair Nancy: that everything turned out like this Ava: It just is Ava: you have to get to a place where you can just say that's what happened Ava: not attribute why's and who's to it, see it entirely objectively Nancy: maybe if I fly to Tuscany first and murder her Ava: Maybe Ava: you'll still hate yourself though Nancy: Thanks for the reminder Ava: Like you forgot Nancy: my phone alarm is set for hourly bursts of self-loathing, of course Ava: That'll be why you're tired Ava: can't even put that on him, eh Ava: unlucky, like Nancy: I'll have the luck of the Irish and all that good craic to fall back on soon enough, like Ava: 'Course Ava: be a blast Nancy: It always is Ava: It's been a while Ava: things might have changed Nancy: This family would have to catch some kind of break first Ava: Naturally, when I finish this essay, it'll all be worth it Nancy: Just make sure it's worth sticking on the fridge Ava: 'Cos that wouldn't fuck with the aesthetics Nancy: It's no finger-painting, sure Nancy: But if anyone needs the reminder that you're not a toddler it's mum and dad Ava: Really surprising they're not more elated to gain a ready-made grandkid Nancy: If the mother was anyone else, they'd be jumping for joy, no doubt Ava: Unless that mother was me Ava: of course Nancy: James has probably been well and truly scared off Ava: I reckon she's a pretty strong contraceptive Nancy: I'm in no danger but if you put me in a room with her I'd take the pill Ava: 💀 cyanide Nancy: or whichever colour gets you out of the Matrix Nancy: bye babe Ava: Careful Ava: that's what 'woke' lady and minority haters call themselves Ava: don't wanna get in that camp Nancy: is it? Ava: yeah, they're 'red pilled' 'cos they know 'the truth' Ava: the truth that feminism is a lie and all women are evil bitches, like Nancy: Oh great Ava: You accidentally been making loads of enemies over there? Ava: Whoopsie Nancy: I'll say that's the reason now Ava: Go the whole hog and call yourself an incel Ava: when any of the fam asks you how your love life is going Nancy: 😂 Nancy: Don't make me laugh though, my head is killing me Ava: I feel you Ava: the only pills I've been popping are paracetamols Nancy: Nurofen express 💚 Nancy: my actual true love Ava: so rock and roll Ava: shame even by American standards, that's no bitch's name Nancy: Read it in your best impression of the accent if you wanna swoon though, obviously Ava: It clearly does it for you, like Nancy: It's a very diverse place, thank god Ava: Sure babe Ava: the fashion industry is known for it 😏 Nancy: 🙄 Ava: Thanks for not trying to deny it Nancy: I'm not their spokesperson, pros or cons Ava: Not part of the job description of photographer or girlfriend then? Nancy: No Ava: Phew Nancy: Find a way to include it in your Politics essay Ava: Alright, mother Nancy: Never call me that again, please Nancy: if I didn't have a headache before Ava: Yeah, we didn't reckon you'd be next Nancy: Weird that you've discussed it, but okay Ava: The heat needs to be taken off somewhere, like Ava: What about Billie and her fella, do you reckon they'll go for 👶👶? Nancy: No Nancy: they barely see each other at the moment Ava: I won't put my money there then Nancy: You'd be better off keeping it on Buster Ava: I think he's disqualified by default Ava: obviously Ava: don't need no 🔮 Nancy: This one better not be born early cos of the drama Ava: She's getting out of the danger danger zone at least but still Ava: having babies is like what they were born to do Ava: missed those genetics, clearly Nancy: Lord Ava: 😂 You're so squeamish Nancy: I don't like babies, excuse me Ava: I didn't mention anything about the miracle of childbirth even Nancy: thankfully Nancy: cos it's not a miracle, it's a 🤞 & pray for the best kind of situation Nancy: you might tear open or get cut open and you get off lightly if you only 💩 or 🤢 everywhere Ava: 🙄🙄 the dramatics Ava: I've had worse nights out Ava: and I didn't get a cute kid at the end of it so 🤷 Nancy: it's not me that you need to convince so Ava: I don't think I know anyone else so definitely anti-child Nancy: I've got nothing against children, I just don't want any Ava: uhuh Nancy: It's only considered weird cos this family is so obsessed with having as many as possible Ava: Nah, it's not that Nancy: Like I said, reserve the soapbox for someone who wants to hear the pros and cons Ava: Okay Nancy: Okay, I've got loads to finish up before I can leave Ava: 'course you do Ava: I'll let you go then Nancy: I'll talk to you soon Nancy: without time zones to factor in Ava: Cool Ava: no worries Nancy: Let me know if you wanna meet up, who knows where mum and dad will decide to base themselves and when Ava: Regardless, I don't have time to come over there so I won't Nancy: Yeah, exactly Ava: Focus on what you need to do Ava: I was just checking you were okay Nancy: And I wanna check in on you too, so let me know, okay? Nancy: It's the shortest flight ever Ava: Seriously, there's no need Nancy: Alright Ava: Just focus on helping Ri, if that's what you're going to do Nancy: I'll do my best Ava: 👍 Nancy: Later then Ava: Bye Nancy: 🧡 Ava: Is Billie coming over too? Nancy: I don't know Nancy: I'll ask her when she gets home Ava: She should Nancy: I'll do my best with that too Ava: Alright Ava: that's all then Nancy: Okay, bye