#and tbh maybe i should start anonymously blogging about it | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

halleyuhm · 2 years ago

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I saw you were looking how to get into the writeblr community.

And I was wondering, what are your current WIP’s or blorbos? Rambles welcome! (No seriously if you look at my blog I am nothing without rambling)

I don’t really know you, but I too want to get in the community more and know more people! Writeblr can be a struggle!

Hi, thank you for the ask and the kind words! I've been working on the answer for a while because tbh I have so many wips (ENFP issues with finishing stuff) that I had to choose those that do have a chance to be completed someday haha

So these are my more advanced wips:

Route LXVI. Status: Fixing plotholes, reducing the number of words, and editing in general. It's my only slice of life so far. I began writing it because I wanted to practice my English and use a real-life setting. I got hooked haha. It tells the story of Liv (Olivia), whose past has affected the way she approaches relationships. The story follows her character development throughout the events that take place around her. I actually wrote a synopsis, soo copy-paste:

Living with her sister in Orlando, with an exhausting job and trying to finish her studies, Olivia has no interest nor time for distracting stuff. But after her online friends suggest she should start taking her gaming channel more seriously, her life changes. Quite literally. Behind anonymity, Liv can have whichever life she wants, away from her most hidden secrets. The new hobby allows her to turn into LXVI, a joyous and bubbly girl with a perfect life. And maybe that's what Liv needs to feel happy again. But, she also has to deal with real life as well, including bad choices, faulty relationships, and the hot new problem called Damien. And, when real and virtual life mix, how many lies are too many lies? How much can you trust someone on the other side? And, what happens if you fall in love with a boy on the other coast of the country?

Lunática. Status: writing. Genre: fantasy. The idea is to have the story set in the current modern world but with magic creatures aka Beasts (werewolves, vampires, witches, and the like), and Hunters of those. It's a mash-up of some different blorbos I previously had and couldn't manage to finish, so I'm still working out how they fit together. In the basic storyline, the main character's family (code name: Lex) belongs to the Hunters faction, but she doesn't know anything about this. Until she saves a "wolf" and later finds a human with the same wound markings, so she adds two + two. As a bonus, she develops water powers that change according to the Moon phase... and she wears hearing aids, which sometimes pick up voices that shouldn't be there... I want to play around with synesthesia, portals, clans, and abilities for this one.

Ichor. Status: planning and world-building. Just like the previous wip, this is a mash-up of ideas, but now in a High Fantasy medieval-like setting where different realms come into play. In this world, the only creatures that are magical by nature are the inhabitants of the other realms (which in layman's terms are shapeshifter angels and demons). Humans have discovered that they can also cast spells if they use the blood of the first group, and this leads to the expected wars, refugees, famine, closed realms, and prejudices. The main character's story is still a mess of imagery I'm yet to put together, but the main idea is for her to be a shapeshifter affiliated with the human military who slowly discovers the plotting going on behind closed doors, as well as the truth about her past.

By the stars foretold. Status: writer's block. This is a High Fantasy set-up where I have 4 different narrators whose stories are alternatively told through the chapters. Each one belongs to a different background, culture, ideology, classical nature element... Their code names are Ruby, Zak, Silva, and Enzo. They intertwine and separate along the story while they all pursue their own goals, which slowly converge into the same one, in a sort of "tangled destinies" story, and I plan for at least one of them to become a 'villain'. There are dragons and other magic creatures, different countries in war, magic academies, royalty plots, tournaments, and bustling city life. The issue? I started writing with no plan in mind because I just wanted to enjoy the characters, and now I've reached a point where I should already know what the end game is. Besides, some ideas overlap with the previous wip! I still have a long way to go but at least I like where it is going.

So these are the most advanced, but I have more blorbos around there which are just a basic idea and some scenes, names or even endings: I have a wip about a magic (called Modulation) Academy where everyone has their own ability, and I have the beginning and the end but not the middle xd.

Anyways! Thanks for letting me ramble! Writeblr is indeed a struggle and this has immensely helped me start expressing myself (and I really like your blog, btw!).

See you around!

#writeblr #writing #writblr #my wips #writers of tumblr #writeblr community #writerscommunity #writers #wip stuff #blorbo #halleywips #halleyask #halleylxvi #halleyluna

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swiftieconfessions · 1 year ago

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hiii 🥰

doesn’t matter who i am, only what i can do for you. submit your swiftie confessions that you’re too scared to say on main, or just anything you wanna say to start drama :3 deets abt the blog under the cut cause it got kinda long whoops

tagging system

all posts are tagged with #taylor swift and #confession (unless it’s not a confession, in which case it’s tagged with #not a confession). other tags will pop up when i use em. probably one for each album but idk we’ll see

what can i submit?

pretty much anything man it’s all anonymous. your album/song rankings your outfit ratings your horny thoughts. idgaf it’s a confession blog that’s what it’s for

what can’t i submit?

anything discriminatory! don’t be queerphobic or racist or sexist in my inbox. that’s just a given tbh. also if it’s not taylor-swift-related. doesn’t have to be directly related, you can talk about your beef with the fandom or w/e, but don’t ramble about like. politics. i don’t wanna deal with that. also if something disturbs/triggers me i’ll just delete it and i won’t say anything good luck with that bozo (i’m not triggered by much and it probably won’t come up but if it’s really freaky i’m not putting it out there). also if you’re here to spread hate obviously i’m not gonna post it like what even. you came into a blog called swiftieconfessions and thought you’d go “i fucking hate taylor swift and everything she does”? maybe i’ll post it just so you can completely torn apart wouldn’t that be fun 🤩

how does the posting work?

every day i’ll check the inbox and i’ll tag appropriately and then it immediately goes in the queue. the queue posts 5 times a day i’ve decided, if i get more traffic then i’ll up it and if it’s real slow i’ll lower it cause i don’t wanna run out too fast. also the queue doesn’t run chronically cause every once in a while i’ll probably go there and spam the shuffle button for funsies 😊

okay that should be everything dm me if you think there’s something else i should add and happy confessionning 🪄✨

#not a confession #taylor swift

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xxcodeveeveexx · 7 months ago

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What's your favorite part of writing this character?

//Honestly just the concept. There's so many Penny blogs on here (not sure how many of them are still active) and they're cool but also its kinda like that meme of "He would not fucking say that" except its "She would not fucking have a public account."

//Penny's an internet savvy teen who commits cybercrimes in her free time, she knows better than to put her name and face out there. She'd use a pseudonym and divulge as little information about herself as possible. I usually don't even refer to her as Penny when I talk about this blog. She's Cassiopeia (or just Cass), only Penny when I need to talk specifically about her relationship with her alter-ego.

//Also her characterization here, which I like to refer to as Cassiopeia Unfiltered, which is intended to take how sardonic she is with Arven and Nemona in the crater and crank it up a notch. Cause yeah she's a shy wallflower shut in who can't have a social interaction to save her life, but online she has the cover of anonymity. She's created an entire persona for herself that's completely different from her real life self, which used to be really common before companies started convincing us that we should post our social security numbers online. I'm probably not making much sense but the point is that Penny+Anonymity=Confidence to say shit (and also maybe a minor example of GIFT).

//Plus its kinda fun to run this like a normal fandom blog where she mostly just reblogs anime memes and eevee pictures. I should post as her more, tbh.

#ooc #ooc post #ooc ask

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sincerely-krp · 11 months ago

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As a former admin of a krp, I both agree and disagree with sending asks to admins on members behalf. I disagree because, yeah members should be taking these things to admins themselves and it does create more work for you. However, not posting them and sending them to the admins is actually a good way for admins to become aware of things they maybe don’t know about. Especially in context where members don’t want to risk any conflict or have had experiences in the past where the admins are biased against them because the complaint is about an admin muse or one of their friends. Many admins these days don’t allow for anonymous submissions - which I understand because there’s only so much that can be done without proof and context etc. But this is a start. If admins had a safe space where they were able to anonymously accept feedback and be told about issues within the rp - such as a google form where email logins aren’t required (so it’s fully anon) and photos can be submitted - and always take an unbiased approach, then it would take the burden off tea blogs to deal with such behaviour. I do hope krp admins are able to see this and implement a safe and anonymous way for members to report things within the rp - and for any admins worried about receiving anon hate through this, honestly just delete it and move on. I know it can be hard for some people not to take things to heart even from strangers online, but fuck ‘em tbh. If they’re gonna be shitty to you, eventually they’ll give up or just leave your rp if you don’t give them the time of day. They aren’t worth your thoughts or time - unlike the people who have actually worries and issues who don’t feel confident coming to you off anon.

・❥・5/5

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jade-qilin · 2 years ago

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Hello dear! Hopefully your doing ok right now. I was wondering If I could get headcanons for yandere kazunari miyoshi with a crush on Mc? Thank you very much for all of your hard work ｡ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ

yandere!kazunari miyoshi w a crush | A3!

notes: hi anon! so sorry for the late reply 😭 i did not forget i am just an idiot lol. i’m also going to assume by MC you mean the director? i’m not entirely sure so i’ll write two sets of headcanons just for fun lmao

content warning: the author of this blog does not condone the actions shown below. if you encounter a situation similar to this, please confide in your local law enforcement or a trusted adult. this story is not meant to be taken as a romantic story, but a horror one. it is for entertainment purposes anyway, and the actions should never be re-enacted in IRL situations. MC has gender-neutral/no pronouns

if you’re a classmate:

Kazunari is a social butterfly, but you must have been quite something to catch his eye in such a way

at first, the way he treats you is barely different from how he treats others. he’s testing the waters of course, seeing how you’ll react to his advances and wondering if you’ll be like the others

he’s quite delighted yet also very conflicted when he finds out that you’re different. he’s never felt this way about anyone before, after all

expect you to be his muse in almost anything he does from then on. the new painting for his upcoming exhibit? it’s a drawing of you, though quite obscure. when he has to take inspiration from nature for an assignment? he’s choosing your favourite animal or flower

Kazunari invites you to everything his social circle is doing. karaoke, drinks in the evenings, holidays with Mankai. he really would be elated if you joined

if you decline? no worries! Kazunari has a large social circle as well as an appearance as a party guy to keep up. he’s worked hard to maintain his image; he’s not about to ruin it now

as time goes on however, he starts cracking

it begins when you don’t go to see his plays, whether it’s because you’re busy, because you’re broke, or because you just don’t like plays.

if he sees you going out with your own social circle, he does everything he can to squeeze into it

your majors are different? no problem! Kazu has tons of connections, on top of his knowledge from Mankai plays

it’s really hard for those not close to him to notice the changes tbh. he’s become quite the actor after all

as for his cast members, maybe an intervention is needed…

he’s the type to send lots of cheesy pickup lines and stickers via Instablam

he’ll probably use anonymous accounts to harass you if you block him. it’s best to just mute the chat with him and never answer or read them; then at least you can use the excuse that you’re too busy to check your social media

if you’re the director:

to Kazunari, the director basically saved his soul. joining Mankai was the best decision he ever made, because you’re there everyday

and now he gets to live with you? oh boy…

at first, he shows his obsession with you through small acts: making breakfast specifically for you, running up to you during practice and asking how he did, accompanying you with your errands

he’s still quite conflicted with his feelings though. you’re still the first person to see the “real him”, and one of the first to fully accept him

as such, his obsession is hardly noticeable. he’s like a duckling that imprinted onto you; it’s kinda cute, but nothing out of the ordinary

(especially when all of the other dorm residents look up to their dear director so lovingly, either because of their own crushes or out of admiration)

as time goes on though, Kazunari can’t help but feel a twinge of jealousy and irritation whenever he sees you around the other troupe members

it’s increasingly obvious during the times where the Summer Troupe is NOT the ones performing, or when he wasn’t chosen for this round’s mixed troupe play

he’s practically begging Tsuzuru to add him to the cast. it fails most of the time

overall, he’s not a violent person. he doesn’t have the body strength to do anything particularly cruel, nor does he really have the courage

y’all still better sleep with one eye open though, because this man does have connections and he’s not afraid to use them

he knows his way around social media too, and can absolutely ruin the reputation of those he deems as his rivals

the first person to notice a change (of any kind) would either be Yuki or Misumi, then maybe Muku (since they’re roomies)

Yuki is very observant, and he’d notice that Kazunari had gotten more and more distracted

meanwhile Misumi is very in-tune to just general changes all around. he wouldn’t quite understand what exactly is going on, but he knows something’s up with his best buddy

#ren writes #qilin writes #a3!#act! addict! actors!#act! addict! actors! headcanons #kazunari miyoshi #yandere #not romance

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olderthannetfic · 3 years ago

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Re: "think of the children" and "where the fuck were the parents?" Just sharing my experience that no one asked for.

Funny, I was that kind of kid whose parents were basically negligent and out of touch with me. I entered the BL world at 9-10 yo, the first BL animation I saw was Sensitive Pornograph among Enzai and Level-C (lmao just imagine in what kind of blogs I was). My mom didn't give a shit even tho she knew, kinda: Like, your kid bought 2 posters of dudes french kissing one on top of the other, drawings pretty horny mind you, and pasted 'em on the fucking wall where everyone who enters the room can see 'em, of course you fuckin know what that shit is about but decided to do absolutely nothing. (Bad parent, bad.)

So I basically saw rape and prostitution and uncensored gay sex. None of that things caused me a deep trauma (they actually got me thinking and started to research about sex and stuff 'cuz my school was also fucking trash) but I knew that maybe I shouldn't saw 'em. But mom didn't care, and tbh I decided to not stop consuming it but doing it in the most anonymous way 'cuz it could get me in trouble, not with my parents but on the internet. So I had to learn to curate my experience. Yaaaaaaay.

Advocating that people must stop having fun on their spaces it's not the right way to do this and never will. Fuck adults that are neglectful to their children; it's still their responsibility to care about 'em (plus start advocating for a better education and all of that things we already know).

What your mom should have done is an interesting question. I think what I would do would be to buy some decent sex ed books (the kind that talk about emotional ramifications of things, not just how to use protection) and let the kid know I was there to talk if they had questions about media.

I certainly wouldn't intentionally let my kid get their hands on material full of rape and prostitution, but kids are also curious and go looking for things, and taking away media they've found and for some reason like may just hurt them. But definitely the horny posters should have sparked some conversations if your mom hadn't been so out to lunch.

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bambishypnocottage · 4 months ago

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Future plans!

Ok so like Bambi hasn’t been doing a lot on this blog and stuff and in an effort to change it here’s a list of things ima start doing 💕

1. Make new about/pinned posts - like it’s all kinda outta date and also Bambi’s interests kinda shifted a little, new kinks and stuff, different rules for like interacting and stuff

2. Start doing like training diary entries again - Bambi used to do like daily training and talk about it and kinda want to do it again, like maybe try the 20 day or do custom bambicloud playlists that people sent in or whatever

3. Actually reply to asks/messages - within reason bc some of the asks in Bambi’s box literally just say “hi” and a lot of the DMs in Bambi’s inbox are actual spam

4. Start using all proper language - y’know like Men instead of men or Hole instead of women and Bambi will still call herself Bambi bc Bambi is Bambi but if enough Men tell Bambi to stop she will 😌

5. More edging! Bambi never really learned to edge (it’s hard 😭) but like that’s like a cornerstone of every good hole’s dicipline and stuff and it’s so weird seeing posts talking about being a good girl while…not really being one. Gotta come up with a punishment system I stg (nothing crazy tho bc Bambi is never gonna show pictures or lose her anonymity. Maybe someday but tbh the world still isn’t as sex positive as it should be)

Um that’s it for rn. Bambi DOES take suggestions and stuff tho

#dear diary #plans!

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alternativemiraculous · 3 years ago

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Tbh I'd love it if Miraculous did something similar to the Tales of Ba Sing Se episode in ATLA (or even something like Zuko alone), which was an episode containing various short stories of every character. This could let us see more bonding or characters alone.

Idk, imagine seeing Alya's regular life; dealing with the twins, talking to her big sister, cooking (I mean, her mom is a cook so I bet Alya knows something too). Or just a glimpse of her inmer thoughts —what she thinks about the world, her current life, etc. Maybe we can see her think about her current status as Rena. She's aware of the danger. What does she think? Is she sometimes afraid anything can go wrong? Maybe this motivates her to train. Or we could see her chill writing for her blog and answering fans, or explaining her routine and ways of documenting Ladybug and Chat Noir's adventures.

Maybe we could have Adrien and Nino hanging out as real friends and have Adrien help Nino similar to how Nino helps him a lot. Them just having fun as teenagers. But we could also have Carapace adventures too. He's not that used as a hero so I'd love to see him more. Maybe have him interact with the duo, with just LB, with just CN or even have him alone doing some mission. This guy is the perfect balance between those two and he's very wise so I'm sure we'd see very good conversations.

Kagami doing something that isn't Adrien or fencing would be nice too. Like, imagine her going on a walk home and thinking. Maybe she's listening to music and she suddenly finds someone, probably Marinette. Anyone but Adrien. And we get to see her process social interactions again, which I found very relatable in Ikari Gozen. Oh and I'd love to see her be conflicted because she wants to obey her mother but at the same time she has this rebellious wishes.

Alix and Chloé should be a must ahsjjdksmsmw. I'd LOVE seeing them interact. Maybe one day Chloé goes to the Art Club alone because Sabrina is busy and surprisingly, she only finds Alix, because the others went to search for something. And we just have this moment of them silently dissing each other until one starts talking about the past. It's been slightly hinted Chloé and Alix may have been friends at slme point, and they probably fell out. So I'd love some kind of comfrontation.

Maybe we could see something of Mylène? The daily things she does. Maybe her sending important things to her friends, organising manifestations, posting resources, researching... And she practising her speech abilities because she wants to inform people and be helpful. This show is only politically affiliated with ecologism so we'd probably see her daily routine caring for the planet and getting her friends into it too.

You know what I'd love? A heart-to-heart between Luka and Ivan. They must be close, and we know Ivan isn't the best at expressing his feelings with music but Luka is the total opposite. Maybe them writing music together and talking about their days or their instruments or their hobbies. Maybe Luka has some problem and Ivan is one of the only people he trusts to put down his chill, mature, front (I headcanon he tries to appear as having not many problems to better support Juleka and the people around him), and we could see Ivan advising him. What kind of adviser is Ivan?

Sabrina alone. Let's see her hobbies! Maybe she's secretly an Art Kid? We know she likes roleplaying. Maybe she likes writing too? Does she have pets? Is she a cat person? Maybe we could see her researching. She's an amazing researcher in my headcanon. What if we see she's actually investigating about Hawk Moth and secretly collaborating anonymously with Alya thru the LadyBlog? Oh and I bet Sabrina loves creating outfits, not really designing, just combining clothes. Idk she just gives me that vibe.

Max! What does Max do in his free time? He's surely gaming. Does he have gamer friends, online friends? Oh, better. Imagine him programming his own game as a personal project because he wants to test his own abilities. He going out to get inspired and walking down the streets. We could see him appreciating the world in a fun way —he probably knows a shit ton of random facts. And when he finishes his game, after testing a lot, he probably uses it to spend a fun evening with his friends too. Idk he seems like a very fun person to he around.

A short story on Kim going to a competition is something I'd love to see. He's been training a lot and he is super confident but his rivals are amazing too. Maybe he has some rival we're yet to meet? Maybe Ondine herself is not only his friend but his rival too? We could see Kim getting second and see how he reacts. Is he a bad loser, disappointed on himself or is he the supportive type who goes all "omg look at how fast you were!!!! Are you a merfolk???? Do you breath underwater???? You were so fast ahwjwkdjw"?

Juleka and Nath moments? Some time ago people loved the thought of them together but I think a friendship between them is better. They're both kind of shy (I'm thinking of Evillustrator!Nath, not Reverser!Nath tbh). What if they were each other's first friend? Maybe Nath got Juleka into modeling because he practised with her? "Jules please let me draw you I need a human" and Juleka answering y an ominous way "I'm not a human but ok", and eventually trying new clothes. Oh and we can see them talk about how they're kind of distanced right now but they still trust each other a lot and have this special connection.

Rose writing her songs. Where does she get the inspiration? Maybe we could see her in her room, a very pink room where she has an unicorn collection. Maybe she loves writing lyrical things. Does she write poemas? Rose gifting poemas to her friends would be so in character. Maybe see her writing a song about herself and her life? She is happy but we could hear her sing about her struggles (her disease, trying to help people but being unable, maybe she sometimes doubts her positivity thing and needs to give it some thought, etc but in the end she's sure she wants to make the day as bright as possible).

LILA'S DAY. WE NEED TO SEE LILA'S DAY. She's probably alone most of the day, as we've been hinted her mother is so busy. What does she do? Maybe she posts some happy, bright foto to Instagram and then we see her irl being bored as fuck. She just eats a bit and stays in her room. Does she keep track of her lies? She has to have a diary, for that I'm sure. Maybe we can see her writing in her diary? Her future plans or just her opinions on the people of her class. Does she like someone or is everyone boring to her? Maybe she sometimes feels bad about what she's doing? Please let us have sympathetic moments with Lila. Fucking Gabriel has them!!!!!

So yeah I think I covered everyone in the class + Luka and Kagami – Adrien and Marinette because they're the protagonists. I just want to see the secondary characters develop a little!!! We need to see more of them. Season 1 was fun because it showed us their individual personalities a lot.

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whatiwillsay · 4 years ago

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submission: we need to talk about ttb (spade-riddles)

Hey Cam. Seeing that ask defending TTB’s doxxing has sort of pushed me to finally share some of my story on Tumblr, I guess. I haven’t had the opportunity to talk about this to anyone fully, so this will probably be long, but I hope you don’t mind me venting.

I’m one of the people that got emailed by TTB. I don’t feel comfortable posting this off anon, but I was in a Discord server with you and @bisluthq and some other people back in Dec/Jan. I don’t know if you remember me, but my name on there was one word and began with an L and ended with an S.

I want to share the full story, but I also don’t feel comfortable with sharing certain details publicly because I’m still very wary of getting outed further by her if she sees this, so I’m gonna be vague about some things

Request to her followers — If you see this, please don’t send this to her. Like I’m genuinely asking you not to because I don’t trust her not to cross any more lines. My dad is a major homophobe with serious anger issues who has literally been arrested for violence before, and she doesn’t really think carefully or maybe even care about how any actions she takes could lead to people being harmed, so I’m not eager to see how she might react.

Anyway, I first got an email back in December, and I was really freaked out by it at first. I spoke to one of my mutuals about it, and although we both agreed it was super weird and invasive and creepy, we ended up trying to see the funny side of it. So, I kinda just brushed it off and moved on. I was mainly just really confused about why I had been targeted because at the time, I thought it was only me who’d gotten an email like that. I didn’t understand why she’d specifically targeted me instead of other people who she clearly disliked a lot more.

About a week later, I saw someone on Tumblr mentioning a strange email, and I realised other people must have gotten them too. I spoke to Nat about what happened to me and ended up in the Discord

At the time, I felt like I’d gotten off really easy comparatively to others because I initially didn’t realise that she’d contacted anyone else. And so I tried to act chill about it because I didn’t want to make things about me, but honestly, I was extremely anxious. I felt on edge for over a week. I would keep checking her blog again and again because I was super worried that she would post our personal details publicly. I scrolled through my entire blog from start to finish and deleted a lot of posts that were either personal or that I just didn’t want anyone I knew in real life to read.

This part I have to be vague about because it would basically give away who I am, but it was only a while later when I thought I was in the clear that someone I knew in real life texted me and mentioned seeing a weird email about me. The email had been sent a while back, and they’d been shown it by the original recipient/s. Multiple people had been shown it, but luckily (kinda), only two of those people were actually people I saw on a regular basis

I’m mostly closeted, but I’m kind of technically out to a few of my immediate family members. But it’s very much a DADT situation because they’re not accepting, and they like to just pretend I’m straight. And so I basically have to act closeted even when I’m around them, and I can’t even ALLUDE to being gay.

But with my dad, it’s different. He’s very homophobic. I’m only gonna mention this next part so that people understand what kind of dangerous situation that TTB could have put me in. (And the other people that she doxxed too because she didn’t know how safe their individual situations were). It’s all really personal, and I wouldn’t ordinarily feel comfortable sharing any of this at all, even anonymously, but I think it needs to be said because her actions were extremely fucking irresponsible.

Right, so when I first “came out” to my dad, it was actually an accident, and he reacted… extremely badly. This was back in like… 2018 or 2019, I can’t remember the exact year

(TW // physical abuse, homophobia)

He was extremely angry, literally shaking. He yelled at me, he described in graphic detail how he was going to “break every bone in my body”, “strangle the life out of me”, “drown me”, etc. He kept telling me that I’m disgusting and going to Hell, you get the idea. He was having a lot of fun with making strangling motions and stabbing motions with his hands, and he kept slamming his hand onto the table. That went on for about 15 minutes, and then he stood up and threw a chair from the dining table at me. That was fun lol. And he punched me in the head pretty hard which kinda knocked me back. I felt dizzy, I had to sit down on the floor. At that point, my mum who had been crying and asking him to stop physically intervened, and he ended up storming out of the house instead. My mum’s a genuinely good person btw. She’s a little homophobic, but she cares about me a lot, and I’m very grateful for her. She hates him too, but she’s kinda stuck with him… It wasn’t her fault

He literally hates gay people. He complains about us on the regular. One time, he threw the remote at the TV and cracked the screen just because there was a gay male couple kissing onscreen. Another time, he threw a rock at a gay man on the street. There was also a time where he forced a few of my siblings (who didn’t want to do it) to throw peeled oranges out of the window at people celebrating pride while he drove past them and yelled insults at them. He found that really funny. Anyway, I’m sure you guys get the idea of what kind of person he is

He hasn’t laid a hand on anybody in several months though, so I do think he’s trying to be better at least. Like he’s still verbally abusive and controlling and awful, but I appreciate that he’s at least making an effort to calm down with the hitting and kicking and stuff

Anyway, with my dad, it’s less DADT and more that I think he’s got it in his head that he managed to scare me into “seeing the error of my ways” and that I’ve “stopped choosing to be gay” and that I’m now straight. So, if it had been HIM who had gotten that email, it would’ve been like… extremely bad. Like I’m getting anxious just thinking about it. And this is why I’m so angry at TTB. It was extremely, extremely irresponsible of her to not consider these kinds of possibilities before she sent out her stupid emails. She’s supposed to be an ally, but it didn’t even cross her mind that these emails would lead to people being outed and possibly even harmed?? It’s not okay at all. I’m just very grateful that she didn’t send one to him because I don’t even know what kind of situation I would be in right now.

Anyway, enough about my fucking awful dad… I feel uncomfortable that I even typed all of that out, but I wanted people to understand how dangerous her actions could have been. Like I mean, my dad’s got PTSD and extreme anger issues from his teenage years, so I do try not to judge him TOO harshly, but there’s no excuse for being a huge bigot or occasionally violent. The idea of him being the one who got that email is still so scary to me. Like my heart is racing just thinking about it

One of the people that DID read the email was the male friend I mentioned earlier though. He was shown it by someone else for a particular reason, and he was a very important person to me. Like he was a good guy, we were close, he helped me out with certain personal issues I have and is one of only two people that I know in real life that I felt comfortable confiding in about them. We’d always meet up once a week, sometimes twice, and we’d just talk about stuff and make an effort to help each other out with things. Like he was very important to me.

It turns out that he’d looked through my blog before I’d got around to scrubbing it, and he asked me if I was gay in person the next time we met up. I couldn’t lie because like… he’d have known I was lying right to his face. So, I told him I was, and you should have seen his face. It made me feel so awful about myself. He looked really stunned and shocked and kinda uncomfortable. Like it got so awkward, and I started rambling and making things worse. He was avoiding eye contact, and my voice was shaking.

I ended up making up an excuse to leave about 5 mins later and had an actual anxiety attack. Again, this is embarrassing and something I’d never usually talk about online, but I just want to get it all off my chest so that I can move past it all.

So, I was like on the verge of tears (I don’t cry easily), I couldn’t breathe properly, I was pacing around the building, and I just wanted to escape, so I headed straight for the doors. There was a queue of about 100 people lined up and waiting to leave, and I couldn’t think straight or breathe and just needed to be outside, so I tried to go out through the other exit which is for staff only. The security guard stopped me and basically publicly humiliated me in front of all of those people. He loudly shamed me and said I “didn’t have any decency” for attempted to jump the queue, lectured me in this really condescending tone, and then sent me right to the back of that huge line. Meanwhile, I was literally in the midst of a bad anxiety attack.

And then I eventually got outside and had to call my mum to come and pick me up instead of just making my own way home like I usually do. She’s amazing though tbh because she actually came to get me and didn’t even question why. I had to skip all of my plans for the rest of the day and instead just hid upstairs in my bedroom with the lights off until the next day. I refused to tell any of my family members what had happened even though they kept asking. I just felt so, so awful, and my anxiety was through the roof

To be honest, before that happened, my mindset was like: “I mean, if I get outed, it obviously wouldn’t be good, but I think I’d be able to deal with it fine”. But then, when it actually happened, and I saw the way my close friend reacted, I had like a whole emotional breakdown lol. It’s like, you think you’d be fairly chill in a situation, but when it actually happens, your reaction can be really unpredictable. I was so embarrassed by everything about that entire incident. I didn’t even want to show my face the next day.

It’s been almost two months since that happened, and in that entire time, my friend has contacted me once. We literally used to meet up once or twice a week (and during lockdown, we’d do video calls or phone calls instead), but since then, we’ve barely even spoken. Things are just so awkward now. I know this sounds stupid, but I feel like TTB’s taken one of my best friends away from me. I don’t think he’s a homophobe or anything, he has openly gay friends and is fairly accepting, but I think it’s just the way that he found out that has just made things so weird between us now. I feel like if I’d had the chance to come out to him myself in my own way, he wouldn’t have reacted like that. But I’m gonna text him next week and see if we can maybe try to fix our friendship, but I doubt it at this point

The other people who were shown the email, I mostly just avoid. I don’t really care about them knowing that much because I wasn’t close to them, but it’s just really embarrassing knowing that they probably scrolled through my Tumblr blog before I scrubbed it

And about Tumblr… This used to be the only place that I could fully be myself. It was like a “safe space” for me which feels ironic now. But I haven’t been active on my blog since December. I still lurk occasionally, but I just don’t feel comfortable here anymore. I did consider deleting my current blog and starting afresh with a new one, but I don’t think it’d make much of a difference… Like she’s kind of ruined Tumblr for me. I do still enjoy reading people’s blogs every now and then, but I don’t feel relaxed here anymore, I just feel on edge.

It’s mainly the fact that SHE’S still here. She still has a platform, she still has a bunch of followers. It’s been so hard seeing her face next to no consequences whatsoever for the horrible things that she’s done to so many different people. And it upsets me that she hasn’t even acknowledged that what she did was wrong. Plus, it makes me feel even worse that the Hard Kay blogs and some other people are still supporting her and pretending that this whole thing just didn’t happen. Like do they just not care? Or is it that she’s twisted things and made them believe that the situation was different to what it actually was?

And tbh, this whole situation has even set me back in my own sort of personal self-acceptance journey. I had such bad internalised homophobia when I was younger, and it took me so many years to get to a place where I had mostly accepted myself. But now I just feel ashamed again, and I’ve gone back to my old habit of trying to force myself to be attracted to men. Like I downloaded Tinder the other day and set my preference to men and was swiping through profiles. It’s kinda silly actually. I did snap out of it and delete the app the next day though. But I don’t know, I feel like this whole thing has just kinda fucked with me a bit. I am trying to work this stuff out and get back to normal though. I think I’ll be good again in maybe a month or so, hopefully.

And… yeah. I just really resent her, and this situation upsets me. Because the reason she did this was so petty and ridiculous, and I guess she didn’t even realise how much it would impact people? Like I do know that my situation wasn’t as bad as some of the other people’s situations, and I feel really bad for them, and I hope they’re all doing okay. I can’t imagine what it must have been like for them. But it still has impacted me a lot more than I actually thought it would. I thought I’d get over it within a couple of weeks. But it’s been like two months, and I’m still not completely over it

I know it might not sound like a huge thing, but being outed really does affect you, even if it’s only to a few people. Because to me, I feel like I’ve had my sense of like, security and comfort taken away, and it’s kinda distressing. Sorry if I sound dramatic with any of this, I just really needed to say all of this stuff to other people besides myself lol

Like her actions have literally led to me being outed to a few people. A close friendship that I had has basically been ruined. I don’t feel comfortable or secure on Tumblr anymore, even though it used to be an important outlet for me. I’ve had a resurgence of anxiety about my sexuality. Etc.

And again, my dad is extremely homophobic and literally made death threats to me and physically attacked me back when I accidentally came out to him in 2018 or 2019. And if he had gotten that email, I don’t even know what would have happened. I don’t think he would have like… SERIOUSLY physically harmed me, but there would definitely have been a repeat of the first incident. More throwing chairs at me and hitting and screaming and death threats. I don’t really want to think about it.

It just bothers me that she didn’t even consider that? Like did it not even cross her mind? And my dad is bad, but I’m sure there are people in the fandom who have even worse parents, and she could have got one of those people instead. It’s just so… I don’t know, it’s just so frustrating to me.

Anyway, I just hate her for what she did… Like maybe I shouldn’t, but I really do resent her so much, and I don’t think I could forgive her even if she apologised to us all (which I don’t think she even would because she doesn’t seem to have any decency whatsoever). The least she could do is at least express some kind of remorse, but she just genuinely doesn’t care, and that’s super messed up. All over some stupid Tumblr blog that is much less important than she thinks it is.

But anyway… I apologise for the whole rant, and if anybody read all the way down to here, I appreciate it. I do actually feel a bit better now that I’ve got this all typed out. And I’m sorry for the oversharing lol, I usually don’t do this, but I just felt like I really needed to tell people and get it off my chest so that I can try to get over it — L

submisssion⬆️⬆️⬆️

ok L i am trying to remain calm here because this isn’t about me. but i am very emotional right now. i am so so so infinitely sorry that you had to go through this harrowing and terrifying experience. ttb (now blogging under spade-riddles) is absolutely disgusting, lower than dirt, that she would put your life, safety, and well-being at risk over a fucking kaylor blog.

please please please im me or get in touch somehow because i want to offer you support. have you been financially impacted by this? we can raise money. do you need therapy? we can help you find the support you need. this community is unequivocally here for you. whatever you need, if it’s in my power to help you get it, i will. you have my solemn promise on that.

i am so deeply and desperately sorry that you have gone through this. i was shaking while reading your story.

i am in touch with other people and we are in discussion about the best way to let tumblr know what happened. this will be a safe space for you (and all of us) again if it’s the last thing i do. this community is 100% here for you in any way we can help, sending you all the support and love we have.

#submission #tw: abuse #tw: homophobia

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notepadsandtealeaves · 3 years ago

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Tim Drake x GN!Reader in: Maybe (Love, Once Lost)

Reader Requests || Immy’s 200 Follower Event 🎊 🎉 🎊

MINORS/AGELESS BLOGS DO NOT INTERACT || 18+ ONLY ||

|| ao3 version | event tag | batboys tag | m.lists | main blog ||

↠ Prompt: “Shit, I didn’t mean to say that.”

It hurts, watching something you love so much die, especially when you feel like you have everything needed to save it–

Everything, but the want.

In reaching the end of things you and Tim find that the only way to move forwards is to go back to the start…

↠ Requested By: Anonymous ↠ Reader Gender: Neutral ↠ Content Type: A SFW gut punch. Technically H/C, tho maybe not in the form you expect. It’s kinda like a Sour Patch Kid made up of angst and love lol. ((but my blog’s 18+ so if minors what to consume my sfw stuff while still respecting my wishes of staying out of this space they can head over to my ao3)) ↠ CWs: Potential breakups (ending is kinda open so that you can choose your own fate lol). Also Tim-typical self-destructive tendencies, and tbh Reader’s not faring much better. This relationship has not been healthy/happy for a long while now and it shows. See the tags before the story for a more comprehensive list. ↠ Beta? Nah, we don’t know her. Are you sure she works here?? ((tho I should probably employ her services sooner or later for the sake of my readers lmao)) ↠ Total WC: 3.6k~

Sorry for the wait, nonnie. I had a hard time coming up with a solid storyline at first because while I really like to read H/C, when it comes to writing it I blank apparently?? Idk, maybe it’s just because I haven’t written for any of the Bats in a cool minute, but whatever.

Anyways!

Did I go in too hard with the ‘H’ part of H/C? Yeah, probably, but the prompt did say, and I quote, “the more hurt, the better. I want to CRY” lmao. I know that this may not be exactly what you were looking for, my dear requester, but I hope that you can enjoy it regardless…

↠ A itty-bitty playlist for added hurt a general vibe || x | x | x ||

Tags: Reader’s gender is ambiguous | Reader uses they/them pronouns | Good relationship gone toxic | Unreliable narrator (Reader’s hands aren’t completely clean in all of this, y’all) | ((this is what happens when two people with savior complexes try to protect one another instead of functioning as a team)) | ((Tim’s trying to protect Reader from the darker parts of himself/his lifestyle)) | ((and Reader’s trying to protect him from his own self-destructive tendencies)) | Tim doesn’t know how to process/cope | Reader’s been holding shit down by themselves for too long | Reader cries | Tim cries | OP cries | We all cry | Potential breakup | Open ended

There’s nothing particularly notable about the day your life falls apart at its already threadbare seams.

It’s a Tuesday, arguably the most mundane of all days. You’ve accepted your fate of contending with another week of drudgery and have mostly eased into it with that sullen concession that comes with age. The weather’s just as mild as a thing, being exactly what you would expect of a day that’s caught somewhere between the changing of the seasons. No one is overly rude to you—well, by Gotham standards, that is—and you’re able to go through the motions of your scheduled events without any problems.

Maybe the lack of conflict outside of your home should’ve been the first indicator that something was bound to go terribly wrong within it.

In contrast to the day, there’s so much to say about the man that owns your heart.

Timothy Jackson Drake isn’t exactly what you’d call a conventional human, let alone a traditional partner. Still, he is a brilliant, kind, loving and above all else dedicated man. Despite how much he has to do in a day, he always gives everyone and everything his all, seemingly uncaring about any potential detriments to himself. That this sees you piecing together what little you can when the weight of his responsibilities inevitably leaves him shattered and scattered in the wind is… not ideal for either of you.

It’s a self-appointed task that you’ve been seeing to since your teenage years, when he had decided that just watching from the sidelines while his hero self-destructed was no longer an option.

Tim’s always been too smart for his own good, and back at the start of things far too eager. Skipping town to track down a vigilante all in hopes of saving another vigilante from himself was the exact type of foolishness that you’d come to expect from him even then. What was worse is that aside from the obvious madness of it all, his plan was actually well thought out and annoying solid. In the end he had put his distinct combination of dazzling wit, animal instincts, and near-reckless obstinacy up against that of the Big Bat’s and actually won—saving both him and Nightwing from whatever bit of madness Two-Face had been given to at the time.

Once he was allowed to, he had thrown himself into the role of Robin full tilt, with things only intensifying after the incident that left him all but orphaned. To his credit he never allowed the anger to consume him like so many others would have, though you would argue that his chosen alternative is just as destructive. He pours all of himself into every case that he works, taking his victories in stride, but locking away his failures in the deepest reaches of his soul to rot and fester. The resulting poison is a thing that you’ve been steadily drawing out of his system in the time since, and if you’re completely honest you’re getting tired.

Tired of the late nights spent patching him up while he works on yet another case file. Tired of watching as he willingly allows this life to eat away at him, bit by bit. Tired of the way your concerns are always either met with dismissal or anger—his constant reminders of how you were all too aware of what the deal was well before you decided to shift your relationship over from friends to lovers grating against already flayed nerves.

In loving him you’ve had to shoulder a burden that you never asked for, and while there is little you won’t give to keep him by your side forever, what happens when there’s nothing left for the altar? You’ve been chipping away at yourself for over a decade now and it shows. Your façade has long since started to crack from sorrow’s repeated dashing against its walls, the veneer of your smile rubbed thin from years of stretching it well beyond your happiness.

Maybe this is why when he literally limps into your shared home nearly a full hour before the clock strikes midnight—body bruised and conscious battered—you cannot bring yourself to do more than stare blankly at his hunched form.

Under normal circumstances you’d be overjoyed to have him home so early, but these are not normal circumstance because there is no such thing, not when you love a Bat. Their masks have a way of twisting everything on its head, making fists of open hands, adversaries out of lovers, charlatans out of honest men. When you view so much of your world through a domino existence becomes a masquerade that doesn’t end even when the disguises are cast away at the bell’s toll.

As usual Tim doesn’t ask for help and you don’t offer, with both of you opting instead to fall into the routine that has been your go-to for far too long now. He keeps his lips pursed tightly as he undresses, the only voluntary outward showing of pain that he’ll allow himself, and though his civilian clothes aren’t nearly so complicated, they seem to be giving him far more trouble than his hero costume ever has. Of course you know that this is due to whatever injuries he’s hiding underneath it all, but the more cynical part of your brain wonders if it’s because he’s been spending more time in a cape than he has in a flannel and jeans these days.

Though your heart aches at the sight of him all banged up it’s an old and distant hurt, like the feeling of digging your thumb into a several day old bruise. You push away the pain in the same way that he pushes away your helping hands—neither of you want nor need the added strain that the burden of care would bring.

Your touch is impersonal once it’s finally allowed. You assess the rush job (clearly done by his own hands as none of the others would ever be so sloppy) before treating and rebind his wounds with a clinical precision. Your words are just as clipped as your movements, with you only deigning to speak when the situation demands it.

You don’t ask about how he came to be in such a sorry state, or whatever it is that he’s working on, or even just how his day outside of the suit and mask went because you know there’s no point. He never tells you anything anymore. Unsurprising as you’re barely sharing a space these days, let alone conversation.

It’s a far cry from the usual banter and jokes that the pair of you used to keep up—the words and laughter all traded in between kisses as you lay wrapped up in each other’s arms—but that was before things devolved into whatever… this is.

If Tim notices the change, and you’re sure that he does, he clearly doesn’t think that it’s worth speaking on. Instead he nods his thanks at your assistance before mumbling something about needing to look into a few things before bed—“But there’s no reason for you to wait up.”

“Yeah. Guess not.”

It’s a cold exchange that damn near leaves you shivering as you part ways yet again.

No matter how many layers you pile on or how deeply you burrow under the blankets the frost that has crusted itself over your heart continues to linger, chilling you from the inside out. Even without the feeling of his icy indifference settling itself into your bones, your body has never been up to the task of warming such a large bed all on its own, and yet it has been forced to try more often than not these past few months.

With the sheets tucked in snug around you, you curl into yourself as tightly as you can bear—head facing away from the space your partner will occupy shortly if he’s feeling kind towards himself. You know he hasn’t been sleeping well, not that he ever does, mind, but even by his standards things have been bad. You try to figure out when the last time you actually fell asleep with anything other than your thoughts to keep you company was only to give up once you realize it’s been over two weeks.

Maybe this is my breaking point, you think, throat tight and eyes stinging. Maybe there’s no coming back from this…

The waxing moon’s glow turns your tears into lines of pale silver where they stream silently over your face. You let them pool and flow as they may because wiping them away would take more energy than what you have to give. This is what loving Timothy Jackson Drake has reduced you to—a husk that cannot care for its self in even this small way because it has given its all to a man that’s too hollow himself to match those efforts.

Though your cheeks are still damp, your breathing has mostly evened out by the time Tim finally slides into bed. He’s silent aside from the occasional grunt that his restless shifting elects. The mattress is soft enough (as well it should be, given how much money he spent to have it custom made to fit his rather… particular needs), but his recent patrols have been especially unkind. The pale expanse of his skin is mottled with the odd laceration as well as nearly a dozen bruises in various stages of healing, with the newest (and largest) one vaguely resembling a boot’s grooved sole where it sits across the breadth of his chest. Clearly there’s a story there, but aside from assuring you that nothing was broken he hadn’t spoken on it further. Typical.

You’re not sure if he finds a position that agrees with him or if he writes off comfort as an illusion and gives up on it altogether, but either way after a few long moments he finally settles down. The quiet that follows is damn near suffocating in its oppression, but neither of you dare to breech it for fear of what will undoubtedly be said. For all that your relationship now lacks there’s something between the pair of you that wasn’t there before, and it has been steadily gaining its strength over these past few months from where it’s made its home just behind your teeth.

It’s the selfsame thing that won’t let you meet each other’s eyes across the dinner table anymore, the one that turns I love you’s into rote platitudes at best. It has taken away the warmth from smiles that were once shared so liberally, dulled the passion behind your touch, sapped light and life both from your eyes. It’s an ugly thing to behold, all bleeding edges and sharp angles meant to sever the last of the strings that bind you to one another–

And tonight, it seems, it will have its due.

Maybe this is why Tim slides over into your space to hold you close—because he can feel it too.

The rending, the end.

You know that you certainly can, and have been for much longer than you’re willing to admit to yourself even now. It hurts, watching something you love so much die, especially when you feel like you have everything needed to save it–

Everything, but the want.

And yet as you lay wrapped up in the arms of the man that you were once so sure would be your Ever After, you almost convince yourself that there might just be a reason to hope—but then you start to remember.

You remember how long it’s been since last you were together like this. You remember the echoing chasm that he helped to carve so deep into you that not even the full breadth of your combined anger and sorrow could fill it; the days spent barely tolerating the other’s presence and the lonely nights that left your lashes caked in salt; the words that, when actually acknowledged, felt as if they would’ve been better left unsaid.

The memories continue to stack up-up-up, one on top of the other, until the wall of your offense is so high that you cannot see a way over or around it. The only recourse that you have left is to turn your back on it all, retrace your steps, and hope that you’ll actually find some semblance of the person you once were waiting for you at the end of the path.

And so, with fingers laced tight and water in your voice, you resign yourself to fate’s draw as you utter the only words left to say–

“I… I think that it’s over, Tim.”

Though spoken at a whisper the sentence resounds through the room with all the force of a gunshot.

Tim’s grip on you tightens then, a shuddery breath pushing its way past his lips to tickle along your scalp. The feeling of warm, fat drops follows soon after, and though their source should be obvious it still takes you a long second to realize that he’s crying.

Even with all of the heartache he’s caused you, and the tears that you yourself are once again shedding, knowing that you’ve hurt him so badly breaks you. A pain that you’ve never experienced before lances through you, forcing you to speak before your mind can fully catch up to your mouth.

“Sh-shit, I… I didn’t m-mean to say that,” you stutter out between gulping sobs.

Gentle fingers massage your nape as he shushes you with a surprisingly steady voice. “Yes you did, and that’s okay.”

The absolute calm and conviction that laces the statement snaps your heart cleanly in two, and your mind’s quick to follow. On the one hand you want to snatch every word spoken tonight from the air and shove them back down your throats into the confines of your chests, but at the same time you feel something akin to relief for finally giving voice to a truth that you’ve both been denying for far too long now. You’re not sure which part of this dichotomy leaves you quaking in his arms, but Tim’s quick to soothe you either way, and you hate it.

This is all you’ve ever wanted from him—just him and his time, his touch, his care. You never wanted to monopolize any of it, but dammit, you should’ve had a right to it all the same. And you did, once upon a time before life turned your gazes to jade. He’s been so distant for so long, but now he decides to lower his walls and let you back in? Here, at the end of things? It feels like an especially cruel joke.

You want to make demands of him, to insist that he explain himself, to ask how he could stand idly by and watch as your love worked its way through its death throes, but your attempts to speak yield little more than ragged, hiccuping groans that originate somewhere deep in your gut. You give up on trying nearly as soon as you start and instead allow yourself to mourn the death of a future that will never be while Tim continues to hold you tight.

The harder you cry, the more fully he wraps himself around you. A leg slots itself between your own while the other goes over your hip to pull you in closer to him; all the while one arm slides just beneath your shoulder blades to further secure your middle against his while its opposite’s hand cradles your head against his chest. From here you can just make out his heartbeat over you combined shuddering breaths and you find yourself latching on to the sound. Even amidst all of the turmoil and strife its beat is as steady as ever—a touchpoint, a buoy for your fatigued mind to tether itself to before the tempest of your emotions drag you under completely.

Eventually you’re lulled into a state adjacent to calm, though your body tenses up almost immediately when Tim starts to speak. He can feel it, of course, but aside from a brief spot of hesitation he forages on regardless.

“____, baby, I… I wish there was something I could say or do to make things right, but I know that’s not how this works.” He swallows thickly then, the hand that had been around your back coming up to tilt your face to level. The room’s limited light turns his irises’ hue into something ghastly—like diamonds stained a rare and icy blue—and though it makes it just that much harder to meet his gaze he doesn’t allow you to look away. As he regards you, you get the distinct feeling that he’s trying to commit this moment, and you, to memory.

Just as you start to wilt under the intensity of his stare liberation is granted in the form of an extended blink. The fingers that have yet to release your chin slide upwards to cradle your cheek, their calluses dragging against the skin there in a familiar rasp that leaves you on the brink of tears once more. Tim’s eyes glass up as well in an effect that highlights the silver striations that flair out from his pupils like a starburst; he’s quick to blink against the tears, willing them away with a deep, steeling breath before continuing on.

“I hope that you know that even with us staring down the end of, well, us, that I still love you. I’ll always love you—so, so much—and if there’s a chance that we can make it through to the other side of all this then I’ll damn well fight for it, but… I’m willing to let it all go”—he huffs out a sound that’s caught somewhere between a sob and a sigh—“to let you go, if that’s what you want.”

You breathe out his name then, though what is to follow you cannot say. Your brain is swirling with dozens upon dozens of retorts, but before you can even begin to decide on one he cuts you off with a sharp shake of his head.

“No, I… I need to say this, ____. I’ve been too quiet for too long, and that’s half—no, nearly the whole of the problem. Please, just… I know I’ve already been plenty selfish, but just let me say this, please.”

Your acquiescence comes in the form of a nod that leaves Tim mumbling out his thanks from where he presses his lips against your forehead.

“I know that I haven’t really been showing it lately,” he starts once he reluctantly pulls away, “but I hate seeing you hurt and I certainly don’t like being the reason for it. I don’t even– I can’t even tell you why I’ve been acting this way. It just feels like everything’s been piling on top of me lately, and I didn’t know how to get out from under it so I just kinda shutdown, hard. And I didn’t want to burden you with it because you already do so much for me, and I just kept thinking what type of partner– hell, what type of man would I be if I forced even more of my shit onto you?”

The sound that rumbles up out of his chest at that is far too bitter a thing to be considered a true laugh. “But in trying to keep you from becoming, fuckin’, I don’t know—collateral damage, I guess?—I fucked things up even worse than if I would’ve just let you in.

“God. The only real surprise here is that you’ve put up with this for as long as you have. That just goes to show how much you love me—not that I didn’t already know, but… Fuck, babe. I wish I could say that I don’t know how we got here, but that’d be a goddamn lie. But the thing that I honestly have no idea about is how the hell we get back, or if we even should.”

“…Tim, I–”

He cuts you off with another kiss, this one to your still parted lips. There’s no expectations behind the ministration, but the tenderness there wraps itself around your heart and squeezes all the same.

Eyes pinched shut, he braces his forehead against yours as he caresses your cheek again. “No-no, shhh. I know I said I’ll follow your lead on this, and I will, but… No matter what it is that you choose, can you just– Give me tonight, baby, please.”

What had felt like a looming inevitability at the start of things is less certain now that some of the biggest of your issues have been stretched out and deconstructed. Still, your footing is just as unsure as ever. Nothing makes sense anymore and you’re too tired—mentally, emotionally, and physically—to try and unpack it all. What’s worse is that Tim doesn’t make things easier on you, if inadvertently so.

The adoration that tints his gaze is at once familiar and not. It’s been far too long since he last looked at you like this, since he’s actually seen you in any real capacity. The sight nudges at the embers of love that have long since ashed over within you, the desperation that pulses out of him in time with his heart’s beating stoking the glowing coals into something tempting enough to draw you in. And like a moth that cannot resist the light despite having already felt its burn, you willingly abandon sense and surrender yourself to the corona.

And as you lay there, holding and being held by the only man your heart has ever known, you can’t help but to wonder if maybe this is just as much of a beginning as it is an ending.

|| BTS, Author’s Note Type Deal

Tim’s p. disillusioned in this one, to the point of having gone almost completely emotionally numb.

Given his penchant for compartmentalization it’s not a stretch to think that he’d shut his s/o down and out in such a manner, imo. It’s partly for what he thinks is there sake (it’s that savior complex I mentioned before—the whole damn family has it), and partly because he’s personally having problems with coping. What’s more, he won’t even actively realize that he’s doing it at first.

If his s/o’s aware of his vigilante work it’ll be even worse as he feels like they should already know the deal and be ready to cope accordingly. He’ll also feel some type of way because ‘umm, I’m trying to protect you here and it feels like you’re not acknowledging the sacrifices I’m making for your sake.’ Ofc that’s not the case, they just want to help bear the burden as a partner would/should, but he’s so tangled up inside at that point that everything looks and feels like an attack.

None of it is right or fair or logical, but it’s not exactly like he’s in a good headspace at this point so he cannot be expected to act as such.

Still, he does love them so once it become apparent to him that things have gone downhill he’ll try to fix them—the only problem with that being the fact that he won’t become fully aware of the gravity of the situation until things are right at or past the point of no return.

But this is looking at things from Tim’s side. At the other end is (in this particular case) an s/o that was taking on things that they really shouldn’t have—at least not in the way that they were. They were propping both Tim and their relationship up to an unhealthy degree; this was due in part to their own savior complex, and partly out of being blinded by love. You’ll be surprised what love can potentially make you write off and wave away despite your knowing that it won’t end well; it doesn’t help that once you make one concession that it gets so much easier to do it again and again.

Had they both sat down and talked things out sooner they wouldn’t have crashed into their breaking point. It would not have been an easy conversation to have given how stubborn Tim can be about these things, but one that would have had to happen nonetheless if the relationship was to have any true longevity, yanno?

But I’ve rambled on enough, let me stop lol…

© notepadsandtealeaves, 2021 || Please do not repost, translate, or otherwise alter or distribute my works without my express permission. And for the love of god keep it away from Youtube and TikTok lol…

#((Immy's 200 Follower Event))#((Immy does fan fiction: the Batboys))#lol that hurted #tim drake x reader #tim drake x gn!reader #tim drake x gender neutral reader #Tim Drake x Y/n #tim drake x you #tim drake imagine

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raksh-writes · 3 years ago

Note

What do you think about this? I’ve recently had a fight with a gang of nasty people on tumblr and my account is being reported so I’m posting this anonymously. I’ve got to share this with someone and you’re the biggest stiles fan I know.

So basically, there’s a blog on here (but I forgot the name and I had to block them) that literally HATES on stiles stilinksi and actually has it in their bio, and not even as a joke. Their whole account is based on hating him. And the fact that they have a whole BUNCH of followers and supporters is disgusting.

They say that he’s the WORST friend and character on the show and they choose to forget the fact that stiles was willing to step into that puddle of gasoline and die with scott, he helped save his life so many times, he’s been a brilliant friend throughout all their lives, and multiple times he willingly stepped in front of guns for him and tells him how much he loves him and how he’s like his brother.

They blame the nogitsune possession on him and VICTIM SHAME him for it, acting as if everything he did was his own doing, and that’s just a horrid thing to say to anyone. They say that stiles was being an abusive friend when he was hitting scott with the lacrosse balls in s1, even though he and scott came up with the plan together in order to trigger his anger and learn to control it and it WORKED! They say stiles belongs in prison and is dangerous because he’s always threatening to murder derek or peter etc (“can someone just kill him again please”) even though it’s CLEARLY A JOKE!!

But noooooo, they point out all of his sarcastic little jokes he makes (which are really funny because that’s just who he is as a person and we love him for it) but APPARENTLY he does it viscously and cruelly and he’s a horrible person for it and no true friend should talk the way he does. They make fun of his adhd, which is just ableism tbh. There’s a whole LIST of shit that I can’t remember and I wish I’d screenshotted it to expose them but sadly I lost their name. (If I remember I’ll send it to you)

But if you see a blog that says something along the lines of ‘certified stiles stilinski hater’ (if I’ve got that right) and the theme colours are pinkish (I think??) STAY AWAY FROM IT, because they’ll jump down your throat if you comment on their stuff and try to tell them they’re wrong and they’ll gang up on you and start threatening you 😣

Are they also a Scott McCall stan? Because if so, then I might have seen their account once or twice. But anyway - to be perfectly honest, I just avoid those types of people all together. I don't really go into Stiles' tag and generally don't interact or even read any type of hate posts, so you can be asured I won't ever interact with them, nonnie, I just stay away from it all to not ruin my mood ;p I apreciate the warning tho, and Im sorry you got into a nasty fight with those people 😔 I see you blocked them already, so there's not really much else I can say, besides maybe to follow people that like Stiles just as much as you do and fill your dash with positivity. I never understood or will understand the need to just pour out tons of hate on whatever - like, there's a ship I kinda came to dislike a lot (bcs hate is too big of a word, but it does irritate me a lot whenever I see it), so basically a Notp, but Im not going out of my way to shit on it. I stay in my little corner that I love to death and pour all my energy into it because that's what I enjoy ^^

I get where you're coming from, nonnie, seeing it all said about a character you love can be really infuriating and no wonder you felt the need to defend them, but I dont think those people would ever want to hear it, they're set on hating and that's honestly a bit sad - I, for one, prefer to focus on things I love and enjoy - like, how mentally unhealthy cultivating that venom must be 😔 But, anyway, I really dunno what more to say to you, nonnie. I'm glad you felt that you can share it with me, I'm very honored and hope it did help you feel at least a little bit better 💗 I think I'd just block all those people, cut myself off from those type of posts, and focus on those corners of fandom that enjoy similar things to you, and I hope the (much bigger in presence) love for Stiles will soon cover up the nasty aftertaste from this 💗

And for the end, have our lovely boy shaking his head at all this silly nonsense, he's got much better things to do, am I right? 💗🥰 (like Void ekhm-ekhm)

#ask #anon #Raksh answers #feel like I repeated myself a lot here #but Im really kinda lacking words here #I honestly just stay away from those kinds of people #I just have no time or energy to spare for needless hate and negativity 🤷‍♀️#gonna daydream some lovely scenes for my fics instead 😂🥰💗

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cluelesslesbian · 3 years ago

Text

Check-In Tag✨

AKA a very long post about moi and this account bc I was tagged by the lovely @katelfiredemon <3

IF YOU SEE THIS, PRETEND I'M TAGGING U like this is completely optional (and long omg) so I don't wanna FORCE anyone to do it but asjhkl I think it's cute

1. why did you choose your url?

My og url was something dumb bc I only used tumblr to keep up with artists and writers I admired… this one is revamped to be ~relatable~ bc I wanted something that I felt comfortable adding on my art?? But ok-

clueless = because THERE’S TIMES THAT I’M A LIL SLOW TO GET A JOKE SDFHJKL

lesbian = bc I’m not out to my family but my sexuality is something I like about me,,, so I wanted to acknowledge it somewhere (and the anonymity of tumblr = ideal tbh)

2. any side blogs? if you have them: name them and why you have them

I made one like yesterday lol! It’s @blue-dragon-shin-ah and it’s for Akatsuki no Yona (an anime and manga I TOTALLY rec! It’s like a historical themed fantasy, comedy, romance WITH a found family trope it’s so good)

but ngl I have no clue how to keep track of more than 1 blog so it'll be a lot more inactive than this one asdhkl

3. how long you’ve been on tumblr?

hmm according to my tumblr account it’d be 2016 since that’s the oldest post I’ve kept (I deleted everything and revamped this acc in december 2020)

BUT I did the math and I would’ve made this account in middle school so around 2013-2014 lol I don’t think I used it much until voltron was booming in like 2016-2018.. Then I lowkey stopped… until now!

4. do you have a queue tag?

oof no

……...I probably should? like 90% of my blog is queued or scheduled… but ngl I barely remember to tag posts at ALL some nights so I probably won’t (rip if that’s annoying,, but I don’t make much og content so I figure anyone following me is chill with this lol)

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

In middle school?? To see funny posts and not be pressured into having an ~online presence~ tbh. That’s literally it lol

6. why did you choose your icon?

Matching with @lesbianklance rn! and keith's expressions r hilarious

Before I just,,, chose sokka bc I love that blue boi and the edit of him had a yellow bg that I LOVED (and matched with my pink theme)

7. why did you choose your header?

Matching with @lesbianklance rn! and klance sdjfhk

Before it was just a colour palette bc I wanted my blog to be my fav colour: PINK

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

My zukka art omg- like I did one that I put effort into which I KNOW is my top post (it’s got like 600 notes??? I still can’t believe it I love that!! 🥰)

BUT MY SECOND TOP IS A POST OF REALLY REALLY ROUGH SKETCHES OF THEM AND I LOWKEY CRINGE AT IT (it’s got like 500 notes.. And I’m like… y ?? I can DO BETTER 😭)

9. how many mutuals do you have?

…...listen I’ve literally never had mutuals until this year (minus my one irl.. I love u bitch!! but u know that bc we text on other platforms too)

idek am i supposed to be keeping track??? I just smile a lot when i see the darker-tinted notifs in my activity feed

10. how many followers do you have?

hmmmmmmm ok i lowkey don’t want to answer this bc my whole love for tumblr is that followers don’t matter? You could follow me today and unfollow tmrw bc i ship something you don’t and life moves on??? So yeah no answer here

11. how many people do you follow?

1807 babeyyyy

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

...wait define shitpost- technically any original post under #yeetidk might be a shitpost cause they’re all just?? my shitty rambles tbh???

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

Sometimes i’ve got the app open allll day long but other days?? I’ll go on like once in the morning or at night just to check my notifs and then that’s it

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? who won?

lmaoo bold of you to assume i interact with anyone enough to have a fight (AKA no)

If i did tho?? I’m the type to try and come to some middle ground before dropping the issue so idk- i’m more likely to lose bc i’m willing to （づ￣3￣）

15. how do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

Wish-granting/curse stuff: no.

Politics/Donation posts: depends! I try to only reblog posts like these that I know a bit about bc I don’t really wanna contribute to misinformation ykno?

I did start tagging these posts as #important but I’m not like?? gonna be mad at anyone for not reblogging political posts (also a heads-up if you wanted to block #important: I also tag some lgbt+ stuff under there so you’ll likely miss those too, not a huuuge loss but just an fyi yknow??)

16. do you like tag games?

asdfghjkl this is honestly the first tag game i’ve ever been part of so i have no opinion 😭 tho formatting this post has been a bitch asdhjkl I gotta get back to my homework when I'm finally done this

17. do you like ask games?

I've done a grand total of 1 and I felt so?? ashgjl awkward and bad for asking people to talk to me about myself- maybe if I do one that isn't about me I'll like it more

I do love sending other people anons to compliment them when they do these games tho 😌

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

....this requires me to pay attention to people I follow more than I have been so I literally have no idea??

19. do i have a crush on a mutual?

yes. the one readings this. love u, sweetheart 😘

/jokes

I don't?? usually get crushes? idek.. thought I was aromantic for a while bc of that lmaoo (but then I got a crush on someone irl and I was like "oooh ok so maybe im just gay then")

#did i proofread any of this?? no. did I copy and paste someone else's q&a and type over it?? yup #so if u see anything kinda wack asdhklj ignore it. i gotta go back to my homework #about me #blame the coffee

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