#if I have an actual mutual named Lila I’m sorry I forgot

[girlblocker]

mutual 1: group jerking off facedown on the floor starts in 5 minutes

mutual 2: don’t even look at my blog if you don’t believe that mcr is releasing another album im so serious

mutual 3: guys you have got to stop posting things like ‘it’s bioessentialist for women to talk about misogyny”

mutual 4: they should have euthanized me when supernatural ended

mutual 5: who keeps putting hentai on my dash at 1 in the afternoon

mutual 6:

should I fuck [mutual 2]’s gay ass

mutual 7: i hate when people say that other people HAVE to believe in a new mcr album it’s kind of boundary-violating tbh

mutual 2: unemployed people let’s get hyped for 3 pm breakfast!!! ibuprofen and a bowl of hummus let’s fucking goooo

mutual 8: here’s a picture of my cats their names are tbone and bruiser they are the violence sisters

mutual 9: if I have to go to this stupid job one more time im committing an act of domestic terrorism so foul they’re going to shut down the louisiana leg of interstate I-61 for a week

mutual 10: omg got hit by a car today 😤 at the emergency room right now this is sooo boring. don’t worry though only one of my limbs got crushed ill be back to blogging in no time 👍 I can still type I can still post 💻

mutual 11: anyone think it’s kind of sensual when a 3d printer extrudes filament

anonymous asked: it’s kind of mean to make fun of people who don’t know how to scramble eggs some of us are vegan

mutual 12: okay??? if you can’t scramble eggs than maybe my post wasn’t about you. god. these people have no reading comprehension 😐

mutual 1: calling myself the door from titanic the way I jack off

[miraculouscontent]

Ask Explosion #9:

Asks answering previous posts:

Sabrina, I have one word of advice for you...

R U N

“Chat, please stop talking.”

“But that’s my thing!”

“YOU JINX EVERYTHING!!”

Ayyyyyy~

Well, it’s something, I suppose?

Answered this here.

It absolutely did. Bless you, kind and hilarious citizien. ;P

I’m torn because... on one hand, I want to give proper mythology and such for like--anything that’d be put into the show, but on the other, I liked the idea that Alix’s brother was just sort of a conspiracy who thought of stupid stuff (which is why I kept the concept for MC Jalil Kubdel).

Zoe did it really well in Scarlet Lady where Alix knew the actual mythology and started blurting it out whenever Jalil got it wrong.

New Asks:

Considering “Ikari Gozen,” I imagine Alya and Kagami don’t get along as well. I agree with basically everyone that Marinette and Kagami not getting along is bad, but Alya and Kagami not really getting along makes more sense and is more tolerable.

Since Alya is Marinette’s “““BFF”““ (supposedly), I could see her kind of being like, “You’re competing with my girl over the same guy,” and keeping Kagami at arm’s length, worried that keeping Kagami close will allow Kagami to be closer to Adrien since Adrien is an extension of their friend group (kinda, sorta, not really, but Marinette calling him a friend so technically--)

You know, Alya trying to be a good friend and help Marinette with Adrien in more subtle ways. It’s the wrong way to go about it but she’s trying.

LUKANETTE IS AMAZING IN TERMS OF PROGRESSION KDJNGJDFG, I ADORE IT. Every episode they share together, we either learn something new about them or see more details on their relationship.

I think I was already all-in before “Silencer,” but man, that episode just sealed it even more. I was like well dang, why does the love square even EXIST???

jfdngjkfdjgfdg

Incredible. Only problem is that the creator doesn’t know how to use it properly.

You mean fourteen year olds aren’t perfect human beings???? :o

(no, but really, that’s me all the time; like, she’s barely a teen!)

He’ll believe it if it’s Chat Noir who’s doing it. If Marinette ever does it though, he’ll be sure to shut it down. ;P

Ugggggh, the worst part is that I have the same exact fear that they really are going to be like yeah Ladybug you silly fool Chat Noir has been with you since the beginning!

I mean, we’re already basically getting that with the New York special; Chat was supposed to protect Paris and then didn’t tell Ladybug that he “had to” leave for New York (and the New York thing is inadvertently Marinette’s fault and parts of the fandom actually did blame her for it even though it was Chat’s choice not to say anything), then Ladybug gets upset with him when she discovers it mid-battle, which leads to Chat being distracted and Cataclysming someone (another thing that Ladybug can be “inadvertently” blamed for), then Chat gives up his miraculous so Ladybug isn’t even allowed to be angry and cue the later line of “I can’t imagine being Ladybug without... him.”

So clearly that’s saying something. Adrien doesn’t get anything close to that level and Marinette is chewed out for not asking him to stay when Nino had already asked him too.

It’s like--Marinette chooses to go after Adrien and then gets either nothing in return, or humiliated by the narrative, and then in the New York special, she decides to do nothing and everything still goes wrong while Alya yells at her for it. The “damned if she does, damned if she don’t,” on display is stunning. The girl tries to confess and it’s like, “no, not allowed, but Chat is allowed to confess.”

I still don’t understand this logic of his overarching plot but also “there’s not much of a timeline.” I think the only solid thing we’ve ever gotten was something about all the episodes in one season coming after all the episodes in a previous one, but there are still things that don’t add up? The only thing the season 3 production order will give is making sure the hero debuts work out (so no Viperion or Pegase before “Party Crasher,” for example).

It’s not really reliable. I mean, like--I’ve been experimenting with timelines for a while, and stuff like “Miraculer” baffles me. It’s basically non-canon with no value whatsoever. All it does is make “Heart Hunter” look even more confusing and treats Marinette even more horribly for not picking Chloe when she explicitly told Chloe that she wasn’t getting it back.

I’m not familiar with that one! Is it any good?

(Okay, I actually was too curious and ended up looking it up; fancy! I couldn’t have guessed that it was a webtoon! I started reading the 1st issue and before I knew it, I was on the 6th! Oops~)

Lila is totally Rashta, 100% agree. The fact that the comments have a nickname of “Trashta” for her, equivalent to Liar Rossi, says as much ;P

Because lessons that involve telling someone that they’re valid and allowed to feel a certain way don’t apply to Marinette. Isn’t it nice? :3

Not that I know of? Though I also don’t look for that kind of thing, so it’s possible that it exists and I just don’t know about it.

Even if it did exist thought, I don’t see a problem with you doing your own regardless. Good luck if you do!

No. No I do not. ;P

GREETINGS FELLOW INTJ!

And yeah, I’m not really capable of not analyzing shows. There are some small exceptions, but they’re usually not full shows in the normal sense. If there’s an ongoing plot, my mind tends to be working at all times.

In terms of Miraculous, Season 1 was harmless enough where I was bothered but pretty quiet about it, but then it just got progressively worse. It really feels like one of those things you can’t unsee when it finally hits you, y’know?

I’m glad I was able to help you get that satisfaction you need (and appreciate Lukanette, of course ;3)!

Non-Miraculous Asks:

(some heavy Puella Magi Madoka Magica salt below)

Wow, this is a really dedicated ask! Nice!

Gonna go point by point here:

1 - Yeah, the whole thing with Homura not “being able” to save everyone... kinda questionable, and I didn’t really buy the arguments they used to explain it away. I think there was this one PSP game or something with Madoka Magica where you could kind of choose what happened (like, there were bad ends where Sayaka didn’t get her soul gem back in time and her body was partially decayed; ick) and I think there’s a good end where Homura saves everyone but--yeah, not canon.

I just don’t care for twisted stories like that unless there is actually a good end on the horizon (and I mean like “Everyone Lives and is Happy” good end). Angst is just so exhausting so the second I saw Mami’s head being bitten I was just like, “Ah, okay, so we’re doing this then.”

2 - Eugh, the sexism thing. It’s so... yeah, and especially this because the whole “girls are emotional” thing, I don’t really care whether or not the show is trying to “subvert” or “explain” anything, it just feels like poor taste and I don’t like it. (I also didn’t know about that Death Note thing because I didn’t watch it, but geez.)

3 - Wow, I’ve been away from the show for so long that I forgot what Mami’s wish was; I thought it was to “not be alone” or something (or maybe not die alone?? I really don’t remember), but either way, the fact that it follows some sort of genie wish logic is just--*sigh*--they’re teenage girls, come on (plus, the “genie wish logic” is really overdone to me anyway).

4 - The other thing about Sayaka is that it’s really predictable that she’d “die so quickly.” Basically everything was pointing to her just being annihilated at some point, and being Madoka’s best friend, it was pretty inevitable that she’d go.

((semi-unrelated, but someone also asked me which character’s name was lied about before episode 3 hit and they wondered if it was Sayaka’s; it was Kyubey’s))

Yikes. Sorry you had to experience that.

Anyway, I guess I’m not experienced enough in multiple fandoms to say for sure? If I was ever in a fandom, I would just blacklist the people/stuff I didn’t like, so I didn’t get to see a tong of “bad things” going on.

+ I try really hard not to generalize fandoms into one thing.

𝓖𝓮𝓷𝓭𝓮𝓻 𝓝𝓸𝓻𝓶𝓼 𝓐𝓻𝓮 𝓢𝓽𝓾𝓹𝓲𝓭 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓑𝓸𝔂𝓼 𝓐𝓻𝓮 𝓐𝓵𝓵𝓸𝔀𝓮𝓭 𝓽𝓸 𝓛𝓲𝓴𝓮 “𝓖𝓲𝓻𝓵𝔂” 𝓣𝓱𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓼

Oof, uhhh, shows, huh? That’s tough.

I think the main ship from Given (Mafuyu and Ritsuka) is really adorable (you might’ve seen the amusing video of their love being mutual before), and while I would’ve said the same thing for the kinda-sorta side ship, it gets--uh... really bad during the movie/rest of the manga, I’ll just say that much.

Mafuyu and Ritsuka though, totally adorable.

Inuyasha kinda? Though Inuyasha and Kagome are definitely not the kind of romantic chemistry that I lean towards (I find “the bickering couple” to be rather exhausting). Plus, Cardcaptor Sakura did the “male tsundere” better than Inuyasha did (though the Clear Card Arc was terrible, at least it’s not canon kinda-sorta? idk it seems like a mix of the anime and manga so...).

After that there’s...

uh

...

hm.

I mean, there’s probably a couple more examples somewhere, but--yeah, I’ve got nothing. Maybe if I thought back to all the generic children shows I watched when I was little (like those old Disney live-action shows; I had no taste when I was younger), there might’ve been something that satisfied kid me but idk.

I don’t remember what post inspired this, but I have no problem answering regardless, ahaha~

My main issue is Aang’s attitude about the whole thing. I’m not saying it was right of Katara to go out and get “revenge via murder” exactly, but I also think that Zuko had the right idea with allowing her to go and face the man who killed her mother so she could get some form of closure (also note that Zuko doesn’t express any sort of opinion when Katara decides not to kill him; he just wanted her to have whatever she thought she needed to heal).

It’s also the episode where Zuko directly confronts Aang on his “violence isn’t the answer” rhetoric which then goes completely ignored as Aang lionturtles his way out of the conflict. Aang is also not confronted on his point of “forgiveness is the first step to healing” (when Katara has a right not to forgive and Aang isn’t challenged outside of Katara commenting on it) and was permitted to ride his high horse when Katara “steals” Appa like, “It's okay, because I forgive you... that give you any ideas?” which is just--

reaaaaaally "holier than thou”-esque when Aang is like, ten, and Katara is a sort of motherly figure to him. The episode even has Sokka praise Aang for how “wise” he is and I groaned through the entire thing.

Another smaller thing is that it sort of makes the air kingdom look way too “perfect” by having Aang be the “source of wisedom,” especially when it’s like “violence isn’t the answer” while all the other airbenders are dead.

[galaxy-of-me]

a response to waywardfacegarden’s response bc ily why did you write so much

note: i forgot to post this i’m clowning so hard rn anyway i made a separate post bc long but uh enjoy

@waywardfacegarden

OH MY GOD YOURE AMAZING YOU LITERALLY WROTE AN ESSAY ANBDABSHSHASAKKQ. never apologize for writing something so in-depth and passionate!! i really loved hearing your take on it all and like wow there were a lot of good points.

(also sorry if i get any of this wrong it’s been a hot minute since i read the manga lol)

uh but basically when i first read the last few chapters i was literally so shocked like NSJSJSAJSSM I REALLY WASNT EXPECTING ANY ACTUAL LGBT+ RELATIONSHIPS FROM THIS SHONEN JUMP MANGA BUT NO. they de👏🏻li👏🏻vered👏🏻. i was one of those people who thought the ending was kinda rushed but i think part of the reason for that was because i literally zoomed through the last chapter when i heard about the taichi/touma endgame LMAO. but also i felt like the transition was just very sudden. i’m generally pretty neutral towards timeskips because, while realistically the most important events in your life do not all happen in one year, story-wise it leaves a lot unsaid and often feels like an excuse for when the author doesn’t really know how to transition one event to the other smoothly. (this is not the case with all time-skips but it does often happen when a story is rushed to a sudden conclusion.)

i do agree that taichi and futaba breaking up was realistic! okay, but when i read “i broke up with futaba” i was actually shocked, haha. i was just thinking “what? they were doing so well though??”. but after a while i kinda just accepted it. i mean, that’s what happens. you aren’t always going to end up spending the rest of your life with your high school sweetheart and that doesn’t mean that something horrible happened between the two of you. break ups happen for a lot of different reasons. maybe it just isn’t the right time or you’re just heading in different directions.

one of the core aspects of the story for me was platonic vs. romantic love and how a lot of characters outside the main trio would push the idea of romantic love being more important than platonic love on taichi and how he felt he had to choose to either keep his best friend or his crush. it felt kinda contradictory for the story to go “lmao well you see the solution is to just marry your best friend” lol. when put under the context of what you saw as the main theme though (as in make decisions that will make you happy in the moment) the ending makes a lot more sense.

i think the contradiction of this theme i had set for the story (which had made me so invested in it) was what tipped me off about the ending for the most part. there is also the fact that the story spent so long on convincing the audience that taichi did not reciprocate touma’s feelings. many of the major conflicts in the later half of the story rooted from touma’s one-sided love. even though taichi did love touma very much, he still could not just lie to him to make him feel better. that’s just not the type of person he was or is. (okay, but taichi totally had a crush on him when they were kids though i will not even try to argue with that LMAOAOAO.) some romantic development between the two would have been nice, like literally just three panels of taichi slowly becoming more fond of touma would have been enough lol. i do understand that it was probably difficult as hell to even have a taitouma endgame (i mean touma’s face wasn’t even shown for the entirety of the last chapter like mm censorship is fun). the fact that they were even allowed to show taichi and touma being married is so. significant. thank you, wow. but i am still allowed to give “what if”s and such.

overall, i think i had my expectations for ao no flag way too low while reading it which is why the ending caught me off guard. if i re-read it today i think i’d be able to appreciate it a lot more but the stuff i wrote above is pretty much the thought process i had directly after reading the ending lol.

(btw you can call me galaxy/hayes/lila/audrey or like all of the above lmao!! i don’t really have a preference :0)

((also is there a name i can call you bc i’ve literally just been referring to you in my head as “KDJSJSJS NICE MUTUAL WHO IS NICE” or “sasunaru pfp” or “waywardfacegarden”, hahA.))

[cheeseandpoofies]

If Only.

In which Shawn Mendes found himself loves his long time best friend. 

warnings: none

    It happened just like that, without any signs, or any warning that he could remember of. He found himself tried ignore the urge for loving Y/N, his long time friend. It started when he heard her voice, from the back of the wall of his hotel room. She was laughing over something he didn’t catch on, but he knew his heartbeat was beating faster than ever the moment she spoke. She walked in to greet him, with her hands still carrying her stuffs, casually get closer to him and wrapped her hands around his body. 

“It’s been awhile, homeboy! You look more bulky, I must say.” She chirped with wide warm smile. 

“Y-yeah, you still look like you were six months ago.”

Y/N laughed, so freely that he started to miss her carefree and bubbly side. “I wasn’t the one who’s a celebrity so, yeah, I am pretty much the same.”

He just came back from his long and packed tour, went to many places and cities around the world. He stopped by in New York for a while, attending Gala and taking some rest before touring again. Him and his team agreed on inviting some of his friends from Toronto to the party he holds in few days from now. 

And of course, Y/N’s name is on the top of the list. She was his person ever since high school, she even went to his schedules some times. But she was a very ordinary person, not a part of his team, not even wanted to be in the spotlight, so she missed the occasions a lot. 

  Shawn walked her to her room, which she’s going to use with one of their mutual, Lila. But Lila took different flight and she hadn’t arrived yet. He took glances to see Y/N, watching her talking endlessly about her college and final term exam. She was glowing, he could see that. She was always a talker but he thought that this must be one of the happiest day of her life. He was glad, though. They were pretty close in high school that sometimes he joked she couldn’t live without him. But eventually he went bigger and she went busier, they couldn’t meet as much as they used to. 

“I attended few classes but I fell on the third day, it was pretty bad. I had bruises all over my legs.” She talked as she put the card room on its place to open the door. 

“You did what?” Shawn stopped walking and stared at his best friend as if she just dropped the most terrifying news to him.

“I fell, did you even listen to me the whole time, bulky?”

“I did, okay. Just making sure what I heard. So, you go to the hospital?”

“What? No! It wasn’t to the point I had to go to the hospital, my college has a clinic and that was enough.”

Shawn frowned by the way she explained things. It was her habit, trying not to go to hospital as long as she could get a treatment from somewhere else. She wasn’t so fond of the place and he knew that. Y/N ignored his look and decided to put her things as she kept talking.

“My fingers were bruised too, there were bloods but good thing is, I didn’t pass out. I guess I got better handling it.”

“God.. You’re so worrying.”

Shawn sat on the edge of the bed and taking her with him, “Come here.”

“What?”

“Come here, let me see your hands.” 

She put her phone away and walked closer to him, letting him take her hand. He scanned her fingers with his eyes, looking a bit worried as there were some bruised left on there. There were silence between them for a minute. She took it as a chance to speak again. 

“They’re fine, it doesn’t hurt anymore.”

Shawn let out a sigh and stared at her while looking not so happy. He knew what kind of a person she is, she refused to go to the hospital every time there was an accident happen, and she didn’t always honest what she felt. And it worried him so much.

“You should be more careful.”

“I am, really.” 

“And you should be more honest with me. You Facetimed me almost every two days but you didn’t even tell me about this, not even our friends. I bet they didn’t tell me because you told them not to?”

She smiled softly, “Kind of, I didn’t want to make you worried while touring. I believe you were busy and tired yourself so talking about what made you even unhappier wasn’t a good thing.”

“Y/N--”

“Shawn, relax. Okay? I’m fine now. Shall we go outside already?”

He sighed again then nodding at her. “Let’s go.”

    The story about her falling down in one of her classes definitely made him more protective to her. He already knew he was having battle with himself regarding what he actually feels. As much as he didn’t want to admit it wasn’t love, he knows it was more than just one worried about a friend’s safety. It was more than that. 

He found himself enjoying her presence more than he should. When he prepared for the Gala, he had some press around his room, and his friends were outside the hotel on their own. They had their own plans to stroll around New York except her, or so he thought.

She walked inside his hotel few minutes before the people from magazine arrived, looking pretty with a flowery dress and sandals. “Hey,” she greeted him.

“Hey, where are you going?”

“Lila and I are going to Central Park today, she said this is the right time to enjoy New York City and everything’s around.” She said, while smiling widely to him.

He laughed, “What was that mean?”

“You know, guys” she winked, and she took out something from her sling bag. 

His smile disappeared the moment she mentioned guys, he then remembered how Lila always talked about guys in America are the hotter than the ones in their hometown, it said they are the most attractive. Especially those who lived in NYC. Even though he hardly could agree, he found some of his acquaintance are good looking and freaking attractive as hell.

“Here, I forgot to give it to you since we didn’t have much time for ourselves, but here you go.”

“What’s this?” he asked, with his mind still lingering about what she just said, while receiving a velvety box on his hand. The box was rather small, but it was a bit heavy made his expectation went up high.

“See it yourself, but! Don’t open it now, wait until I left.”

“Y/N, this..”

“I know it’s not your birthday, but let me give you something. I hadn’t give you anything since two years ago, which is why I’m sorry. And this is not the fanciest thing for you but I hope it met your expectation.”

He didn’t know what to say. She wasn’t a full of surprise person but this time she did surprise him. She had a rough year last year regarding her college, and he stayed in the States more than he was previous year. They only met a couple of times in total, and he knew it kept bugging her mind. 

“You always met expectation, Y/N.”

She chuckled. “Whatever you say, Mendes. I’m going now. See you tomorrow!”

He waited until she left the room, and rushed opening the box. He then found himself staring at a leather wrist watch, the brown coloured leather giving off classy look but the gold metal on the watch made it more elegant, and fancier. It wasn’t like what she said--not the fanciest thing--for him, this was the fanciest thing he’d ever received from a friend. 

And it was from her, on top of that. Little did he knew, he had both of his cheeks warmed and blushed by the thought of her thinking of giving him such a present.

    For the past days, Shawn couldn’t take his eyes off of her. He had few days free from schedules and decided to stroll around the city with his old circle friends, along with Brian, Connor, Liv and even Alessia. They went to Central Park together, had a breakfast there.

Both Shawn and Y/N were always next to each other all the time, as if they were glued. Shawn took this chance to make a move, slightly bolder as he's being eager to be with her.

"I forgot to bring my camera," she let out a sigh, leaning to the tree as she watched the others taking pictures of each other.

"I have mine, let me take a picture of you." Shawn smiled, took out his camera and pressed the snap button before she could even complain.

"Heyㅡ"

"You need to see your own face, it's hilarious." Shawn laughed as he took down his camera and take a few step back.

"Delete that."

"I can't, baby."

"Shawn," she groaned. "Don't take a picture of me ever again."

"You are gorgeous today, sweetheart. Let me take some more of you," he snapped, again, and again.

She wasn't happy at first but ended up laughing as Shawn keep guiding her to make a great pose.

"Stay there, don't move."

She sighed, but listened and stayed still anyway. She let him take another shot of her before finally seemed like he finished. "Now stop making me as the object of your shots, I wanna take some shots of the nice view from here."

Shawn walked closer to her, giving his camera to her hand just like that. And when their hands touched each other, Shawn gave a thin smile that slowly grow as a bigger one. "What do you mean, y/n? You are the view here."

And there, for a few seconds she felt her face getting warmer as well as her heart beats faster.

They ordered Joe’s Pizza for the night, having a great time on Shawn's room since everyone refuse to give their room as the common room for a night. Nothing happened between both Shawn and her but they stayed next to each other for the whole night. She had a few shots of wine and passed out on the couch she shared with Shawn, they ended up sleeping next to each other as the bed was taken by Connor and Brian and everyone else was shattered all over the place. They also took Brooklyn Bike Tour on the next day during daylight before going to party in a club Shawn booked for his friends. 

Shawn was looking around when he realized she wasn’t under his radar. He thought she was in front of the stage where a band performed, but she wasn’t there. He got off his seat and find Lila taking a sip of her drink, Connor and Liv were beside her.

“Hey guys.”

“Shaawwwn! The star of tonight’s party,” Liv laughed, looked half drunk already, Connor took this chance to take the glass off her hands. 

“Yeah hahaha thanks, have you seen Y/N?” 

“Y/N? She went to the toilet half an hour ago, but we don’t see a glimpse of her till now.” Connor said.

Lila nodded, “I think she went outside? But I’m not sure.”

“What happened?”

Three of them shrugged their shoulders, looking just as confused as him. Shawn only nodded at them before leaving to find her. He decided to walk out the club and wander around the neighbourhood. There are some restaurants on the same block as the club, most of them has closed.

Except one, a fast food restaurant that still has the light on. Shawn walked to that place and scanning the whole place with his eyes, found a figure of female he was familiar with were sitting at the corner. He could only notice her back and her brown long wavy hair, but he knew immediately it was her.

He walked in and went straight to her, “Y/N?”

She turned around, looking surprised when she saw Shawn. “Shawn? What are you doing here?”

“Shouldn’t I be the one who ask? What’re you doin?”

She turned away a bit, avoiding his eyes. “I am not feeling well.”

“Are you sick?”

“No, it’s not about that.”

“And?”

She didn’t say anything for a while, leaving his words hanging in the air. She took a sip of her milkshake, and leaned on the couch as she stared back at the beautiful hazelnut eyes of him. “I just.. you know, I had to go back home tomorrow..”

Shawn nodded slowly, still trying to find where’s this going.

“And I probably will be having a hard time to meet you again after this,” she spoke really slowly, and pretty much in low tone. He stunned, didn’t realize that was true. And he just realized it now, with her saying it out loud. He didn’t think about it much because he thought everything’s gonna be fine, everyone’s here.

“I’m sorry, you have to—”

“No, Shawn. It’s okay. God, I shouldn’t have to say this.”

“Hey, hey,” Shawn took her hands before she could put it down under the desk, and naturally he rubbed her hands very gently. “It’s okay, really. I didn’t realize that what you were saying is true. I’m going back to tour and it would be hard to be home after this.”

“You’re not even at home right now,” she chuckled.

He laughed along with her, “Yeah, I know. I’m sorry that I had to bring you and the rest here. I couldn’t manage to squeeze my time to go back home.”

“Shawn,” she whispered. “It’s okay. We all know how busy you are, even your friends went along with you becoming your team and understand how important everything’s is. I was just feeling blue because I had to go home again, without you.”

He didn’t understand what she was trying to say, but his heart hurts to hear that. After months being away from city to city, country to country, he had realized that he missed his ordinary life. It wasn’t because he disliked being on tour, it was just.. making him homesick, more than he could see. And for the past few days he realized it wasn’t just about missing home, he missed her too.

He missed everything they did during high school, he missed going to her home, hanging out with her brother and her family. He missed going to the park with his circle of friends, or going to the beach together during summer and he would find himself feeling content with his friends and her around him.

And now she clearly stated she felt blue because she’s going to leave without him made him wonder if she felt the same. What if she did? What if she actually feeling mutual?

Suddenly it hits him, maybe she did. Maybe she really likes him too. “y/n, you can come along if you want to.”

It wasn’t the first time for him asking her to come along, with him and the team. She refused to go with him every time he asked, though. And it was always about college, her education always came first for her. And he couldn’t blame her, as much as he wants to. She wanted to make her parents proud by graduating on time, despite everything she went through in college.

“I can’t.”

It was solid.

“Why? You were in summer break right now so why don’t just stay with me? We’re going to start again in few weeks and you could come along for some stops. It’ll be great.”

She shook her head several times before taking off her hands from his grip. He frowned, didn’t think this would be her respond. Didn’t she say earlier she’s sad that she had to go tomorrow? What happened with that?

“I can’t, Shawn.”

“Why?” he asked again, a bit more demanding this time.

“I.. I’ m seeing someone else,” she said carefully. She didn’t know why she did that but she did, because he didn’t look happy with her rejecting his offer. And the moment she told him, his face went blank, a bit lost in a few seconds.

“What do you mean?”

She sighed, “You know what I mean, don’t ask me that.”

“But—you didn’t tell me this earlier? Who’s this guy?”

He didn’t realize that his voice went higher than he supposed to, and it made her taken aback. He was still staring deeply at her, oblivious by the whole changing mood between them.

“I don’t know how to, you look pretty tired and had to go to the Gala, and become busy again, surrounded by people I don’t know. And yesterday was—you looked pretty content—” she paused, trying to figure him out.

“Is that so?”

She bit her lips, “I’m sorry.”

She didn’t know why she was sorry.

“What for?”

She didn’t answer. Instead she looked away, avoiding his gaze. For the past days she felt there was something different that came off from him, but she couldn’t figure it out. He went all clingy more than he used to, being more protective as she told the story about her incident, and was with her for the whole day yesterday and this morning. She didn’t see this coming.

She might be wrong but she didn’t see this coming from him.

“So, tell me,” he paused a bit. “How long it has been?”

She took a deep breath, “Six months, I think.”

“Six months?” he repeated.

“I—we’re in the same class so I had known him pretty long.”

Six months. It was around the time he was in tour already, and according to her story, it seemed like they had gotten closer way before that. And he wasn’t home for months even before tour. He smiled bitterly, suddenly feeling like a fool.

Of course, she wasn’t a kid anymore. She had the right to date and choose a man that made her happy. The one that will always be there for her, on top of that. Not the one that was away for months, leaving her while going to many places she hadn’t reach yet. He was too late to realize how she means to him.

It was too late.

He was a fool to think he had a chance with her, to actually asking her out on a date the moment he heard her voice and laugh after months being away of each other. He was a fool to think she shared the mutual feeling as him, feeling more than just as friends just because they inseparable for the last two days. It was all too late, and he wanted to blame no one but himself.