#and taught him how to cook just wasn't vibing with me personally. i wanted more depth to it

[zanysmurf]

just remembered i had this au idea years ago where it was essentially "this is the only way the idea of 'chef, baker and hb greedy are all separate characters that co-exist' would be interesting to me." here:

au where, in the past, greedy was kind of known as a MAJOR jerk who always stole other smurfs' food (and from other creatures he encountered in the forest) and just. never thought about the consequences or reprecussions of that cuz hey! more food for him! then at some point, as punishment, papa and chef + baker were like... "hey! you have a few cooking lessons now that you can't avoid, Mr. Ungrateful! see how hard it is to bake/cook the food you steal everyday!"

surprisingly, he ends up enjoying it a lot and actually seems eager to learn after the first two or so sessions. if they were being honest, it was just supposed to be a 'let's do this as a punishment like twice a week for 3 weeks, have him struggle and hate it and then be done cuz he learned something' thing, so this outcome is INCREDIBLY bewildering to them. eventually, they just keep the sessions going because greedy seemed so disappointed and insistent when they told him his punishment was up. papa sees no harm in it, he likes seeing greedy improve in some way, but chef and baker start to get jealous and they hate that he of all smurfs is actually a good cook. he even kept the hat they gave him to wear exclusively during lessons(!!!)

all in all, it does end up doing the job they WANTED which, y'know, was just him learning their work is harder than it looks and should be appreciated/not taken for granted. after experiencing that, along with reminiscing over how awful he usually feels (both physically and emotionally) on those rare days when the village had little food it genuinely kind of... makes him a nicer and more sympathetic person in general? he still eats a lot, but he's not going to make everyone else go hungry.

[robertphilip]

You may have answered this before (sorry if you have, or if you don’t want too), but, what do you think Robert’s childhood was like!? and do you think he has any siblings!? (he gives me oldest brother vibes).

I've talked a little bit about it, but I'm always down to say more because I love !!! talking about Robert !!!!!

so personally, I think Robert is an only child. he does kinda give older brother vibes, specifically an older brother to several sisters, however I wanted to really emphasize how alone he felt after his wife left him within my lore, so I made him an only child who lost his parents before Morgan was born. I wanted it to really Hit that like. his tiny baby was the only person he had left, ya know?

but circling back to when he was a kiddo, I think he's the son of two wealthy, loving lawyers. and while he always got along with both of them, he was definitely a Mama's Boy, and wanted to be just like her. she was in family law, which is why he chose to pursue that !!

I think his parents also had a very healthy, loving relationship, and it was the kind of love he wanted for himself one day. there's an interview with Patrick I watched semi-recently, where he said something along the lines of like. "he [Robert] doesn't want to admit it, but love is something he desperately wants" or. something ?? I can't remember now, and I'm too lazy to dig up the video atm BUT !! that was a headcanon I had, so hearing him confirm that was like ... YEAH !!! he wants True Love !!! and it's why he dove head first into marriage, despite not even finishing college yet.

but okay, sorry, let me backtrack again. ... childhood !!

so, I don't think he was an outdoorsy kid, but he did like baseball !! and still does, it's his favorite sport. but before he started playing, his parents noticed he was always inside reading, and they got kind of nervous that he wasn't socializing enough, or getting enough sun, so they stuck him in Boy Scouts, which he hated So Much. but he did meet his childhood best friend through that, so . there's that !! he eventually told them that he hated it, and they put him in baseball instead, and he thought he'd hate it just as much, but he really loved it !!! I think he played up until he was around 14ish.

he also had a treehouse in his backyard (which I mention very briefly in this fic 😇) and he'd sit in there for hours, either with his friend, or just reading. he stopped going in said treehouse, though, after he fell out of it and broke his arm. after that he was too scared to try and climb up again 💔

Robert was also really, really Great in school, and Loved going !! just an absolute Nerd. I think his best subjects were math, and history, and he was definitely a mathlete. I also think he briefly considered becoming a history teacher, because he just loves history so much, but then he learned how much teachers make a year, and was like, "oh... nvm :/" But he loves learning !! he'd go to different museums with his parents all the time, and spend hours, and hours in there, just wandering around, and learning as much as he could/asking the tour guides a million questions. and as a kid, when his parents saw how fascinated with math he was, they got him some activity books thinking they'd last forever, but no, he'd finish them within a few days. (lowkey I picked the worst subject to make him an expert in because I SUCK at math, but whateverrrrr, he gives math lover vibes !!)

also, have I ever mentioned that I headcanon he has dyslexia? he has dyslexia, and so do Morgan, and Sofia !! (they're also all left handed. I hc Robert is ambidextrous, but mainly uses his left)

and to circle back to his mother, I know the movie shows us he orders takeout a lot, but I think he can cook, and is very good at it, he just never has the time. but his mother taught him how, and he always enjoyed helping her in the kitchen. (cooking together becomes a big thing for him and Giselle (and their daughters) eventually, as well) I also like to think his mother was probably the one who taught him how to dance, or maybe she persuaded him to take a few lessons as a kid,,,

OH AND,, okay this is based off Patrick's skills, but I headcanon that Robert can juggle, and is really good at it. but unlike Patrick, who I know practiced/trained himself, Robert just. knows how but doesn't know how he knows how. he can just. do it !! and one year, his high school was putting on a talent show, and the reward for the winner was a decent amount of money, and his friend was like "we need a skill.... omg Robert go juggle some plates NOW" and he was like " ??? no????" but eventually he agreed, and won !!! and his picture was in the yearbook that year, which Giselle absolutely loves, and she begs him to do that (and his silly magic tricks) all the time 💖

and lastly, I couldn't find a place to plug this above, but he's named after both his grandfathers !! Robert was his grandfather on his father's side, and Florian (my hc for his middle name) was his grandfather on his mother's side.

[cantdanceflynn]

So, hc number one, kinda nice, bit sad, mostly funny. I think. And I have no evidence for this, kinda the opposite, the vibes just feel right to me. But I think ponty was somehow involved w George's death, and he also tried to speak up about it like Marie, who I don't think knew he did. Possibly another member of the party who tried to talk them out of the whistling man game. I don't think Marie knew this while she was planning everything originally, but she found out when making adjustments to the plan, ie kill Eugene instead of his parents, and, not wanting to admit that everything she worked for was based off an incorrect assumption and as far as she knew, ruining her chance at a normal life with her son, just attempted to ig ignore it. But also good for Ponty for channelling that into a passion. He probably caters anything Roller Ricky plans :]

Hc number two, Peggy straightened her hair a lot when she was younger. That'd explain the discrepancy between the pictures n her model a bit, and it'd make sense overall. Ik there are official ages n heights for some of the characters but I don't remember if there are official ethnicities, but personally I feel like she's biracial, specifically African-American and Latino. And by extension so is Marie.

Hc number three, depending on who asks her, Marie has different reasons for choosing the name Dawn to go by. When the cops asked her, she brushed it off as a random name. When Teddy asked, she told him it was to symbolize the dawn of a new day without his life in it. When Forrest asked, she bitterly told him it was because she wanted the hope of a new beginning for her once her revenge was complete. And when Peggy asked, Marie made an off handed reference to an old tv show they used to watch.

Hc number four, (one of the more obviously Alice n Mystery inspired ones), Henry is actually better at cooking and taking care of things than Marie is, usually taking care of the meals and making sure she ate and took care of herself as she obsessed and planned.

Hc number five, Peggy ended up playing the whistling man prank on Chad after the fact for breaking up w Barbara. Partially bc she wanted to play just once n get anything out of her newfound trauma, n partially bc jealousy.

Hc number six, Clive wasn't killed yet. He was meant to be the final murder before Teddy, to symbolize how the one who started the cover-up would also be the one to end it, but due to so many people surviving she didn't have the time to go through with it, and planned to kill him later.

Hc number seven, Marie was actually pretty mad at Henry when he got trapped in the vault, as she thought she taught him better than that. Still, when she immediately failed the next kill, she couldn't really blame him.

Hc number eight, Forrest dyes his hair to hide the greying. After the events of KillFreq itself, he chooses to stop, mostly because it was ruining his hair and he had enough stress caused ones it wasn't reasonable.

Hc number nine, Eugene wasn't fully stood up, his date tried to tell him to stay in but he didn't listen and thought she would do the same. She chewed him out later dvjodvjodcojdcjdc.

Hc number ten, out of the group of teens, as Carrie was the only one to get a close-up of Jimmy's cut off face, she ended up going into the horror movie industry, in sort of a macabre way to deal with the trauma.

Hc number eleven, Max is actually a husky golden retriever mix. Arguably the two best dog breeds to teach to skate. He'd also bitten people before and Ricky has had to put a lot on the line to defend him and get him well trained due to trauma from a previous owner, but he ended up very happy w Ricky :]

Hc number twelve, Marie and Peggy shared a soft spot for foxes and would draw them a lot. This is just vibes :]

Hc number thirteen, assuming Marie's alive(which, duhhhhh its slasher horror), Forrest actually talks to her and is, surprisingly, quite sympathetic to her after the fact, and while Peggy doesn't quite enjoy spending time with her as much anymore, it still hurts.

@dragon-type-snom THIS ISNT ALL OF EM AND I TYPED EM IN A SEPARATE APP SO THATS WHY ITS NOT ALL CAPS, I HAVE SM MORE IM JUST BOUT TO NAP N I DONT WANNA LEAVE U HANGING FOR LONGER

[noxthesleepymoodyoverthinker]

Disney Princesses Are Not Passive

Can I just ask where this whole narrative about Disney princesses teaching little girls to wait for a man to save her -- to only focus on finding a prince -- came from?

Because I honestly haven't seen any female say that that's what growing up with Disney had taught her. That Disney might have given her unrealistic expectations about the concept of "true love", yes.

That Disney had made her only goal in life finding a prince, no.

Now, allow me to go into a rant about my own experiences with growing up with Disney princesses:

One, I actually come from a culture that idolizes marriage and thinks any unmarried and/or childless person must be the most miserable and pitiable person on earth. I was also surrounded by family members who thought along those lines.

But not once did I get that vibe from watching Disney movies with princesses.

Rather, I was and still am a person who is least interested in marriage or dating. But I adored the Disney Princess stories! And I never thought their love stories made up most of their tales or was disempowering. Instead, it was more like the coupley-romance bit of it took about the least amount of screen time possible.

Cinderella? Three-fourths of the movie is about her life, the animal friends she has, and just letting us get to know her and her life with her step-family.

She just wanted to go to a ball, take a break and do something fun. And the Fairy Godmother helped her with that when her step-family sabotaged her.

The Prince wasn't even a thought until she found out the next day that it was the Prince she had danced with and that he was actually looking for her because he was in love with her. Yes, she had liked him too. But she hadn't thought her feelings were returned until that moment. Which, what, took up the last quarter of the movie?

Instead of thinking that was all the story of Cinderella was, it rather felt like the deserved good thing that should happen to her after all she had been through; that she might finally find love and happiness and escape; that her optimism, despite her life, was finally being rewarded.

Now Snow White met her prince right at the beginning of the story, yes. But, he shows up only then and towards the very end of the movie -- like the last 5 minutes.

(I mean, these are all the scenes he appears in.)

If anything, Snow White shared the most screen time with her animal friends and the dwarfs.

And the only time she mentions the Prince is when the dwarfs ask her for a happy love story.

The rest of the story is mainly her just trying to survive and making the best of whatever she can find and whatever skills she has. (Frankly, we know more about the dwarfs than the Prince, tbh.)

Then she has a good cry when she's reached her limit.

And moves on.

She even convinces the dwarfs to let her stay by telling them she can "clean and sew and mend and cook". And that's the main part of the story.

So when she finally meets her Prince again and "lives happily ever after", we're mostly just really glad for her. And why shouldn't she have her fairytale romance after being relegated to a maid at her own palace most of her life and then almost being killed twice?

Ariel in The Little Mermaid too: I thought she was amazing as a kid. I mean, she explored dangerous shipwrecks that others avoided, was incredibly brave and a risk-taker, followed her interests (humans) with a blazing passion, and out-swam sharks.

If anything, the only thing that surprised me was her bad decision to follow Flotsam and Jetsam to Ursula, and then sign a contract with her. And that was mostly because I was in the unique position of watching the movie for the first time after I had seen the animated series about her life under the sea. I had already seen that Ariel knew exactly how conniving and dangerous the sea-witch was. So her making a deal with her was very strange for me. (Then again, she was 16 and very hurt and angry. And like I said earlier, she was an explorer and risk-taker at heart, so it works in that context. But when I had watched it at 12 or 13, and being the opposite of Ariel in spontaneity and risk-taking, I couldn't understand why she would do that.)

Her saving Eric was not the least bit of a surprise. It was a surprise that she would take Ursula's deal to make him kiss her in 3 days or she turns into a sea-slug. But her taking the option to switch her tail for legs so that she can finally go up on land? That wasn't a surprise at all. One of the first episodes of Ariel's animated series ("Wish Upon A Starfish") showed her travelling through treacherous places to reach a wishing starfish to ask for legs instead of her fins. So her taking that opportunity to finally go up on land? Right in line with what she's always wanted.

Going thru Ursula for it? And accepting Eric kissing her in 3 days as what will seal her contract so she can keep her legs and never return? That was weird for me. (As an adult and someone who's worked with a lot of kids and teenagers, tho, that impulsivity checks out. Especially after her father literally went on a rampage and destroyed years' worth of her careful collection.)

(Gotta say, in this scene, Triton was horrifyingly violent. None of the episodes of the animated series prepared me for this scene. Triton really lost it here, so I can't blame Ariel for reacting just as extremely in her own way in response. Kinda like: You destroyed years' worth of painfully collected and preserved pieces of a world you knew I have always wanted to know about. Fine. If you won't let me keep mere pieces of that world here, then I'll just go live there instead.)

So the ending of that movie was the absolute best!

Her father gives her legs, allowing her to live on land. And she does not have to choose never returning to the sea again and never seeing her friends and family again to get it!

But again, Eric and her finally getting together just feels well-earned. Not like the main/only plot.

And even if it was, so what? Why does romance in a story with a female protagonist mean that romance is the only thing viewers can see?

It doesn't.

(I could go on with more princess tales, but I think this post is long enough already. Might make a part 2 one day tho.)

Anyway, yeah: Disney princesses don't encourage girls to be passive or only focus on romance.

[mr-voorhees-husband]

Some Penguin headcanons, plez papa ;w;

YEAHHHHHHHHH

I love you so much ;w;

I'll assume you meant Gotham penguin, if not tho, just tell me and I'll write some other ones!! I was so excited I wrote these out within 30 minutes so if there's any mistakes or typos i apologize

Warnings: fluff, self image issues, soft crap, some nsfw topics

Reader: Gender neutral, a thug/criminal

look at this cute mf. god do i wanna top him

General Penguin Hcs

He gives me very big gay vibes.. I haven't watch the later seasons, but I know he and Riddler have tension in the show. Personally though, I don't think Riddler ever liked him in a romantic light.

He's a surprisingly good cook, even if he doesn't cook for himself a lot. His mother taught him all she knew, and he makes an effort to cook at least 5 times a week and make one of her recipes.

Despite his big strong scary persona, he's very soft at heart. Ozzie gives me very big 'rock hard shell, cloud soft insides' you get on his good side and you'd have to do something really fucked up to get off of it.

He and Viktor are good friends outside of the whole 'mob' business. They both understand eachother surprisingly well, and Viktor really does enjoy Ozzie's company.

Ozzie knows french, russain, Hungarian, and some german. He learned them mainly when he was younger, so he's only really able to speak Hungarian with complete accuracy anymore. Despite that he does try to practice his french occasionally.

He has horrendous handwritting, especially growing up. He never cared to make it look pretty, and it wasn't until he became the Penguin did he really start making an effort. If you see his usual handwriting, it's hard to read, and it usually means he wrote it while he was excited or nervous.

Romantic Penguin Hcs

Your relationship varies depending on when you two got together.

If you got together before he made a name for himself, he'd be a lot more dependent on you. You're the love of his life, gold to his silver, Icing on his cake. Without you he doesn't think penguin would even exist.

The problem would come in if you got together after his mother's death. He would be (reasonably) suspicious of you. He wouldn't believe you actually wanted to date him for him, you probably just wanted power, money, or to kill someone close to him. In all honesty, if you had the guts too, the first time you asked him out you'd be met with a knife to neck.

Be patient with him. Ozzie is a sweetheart, he's just scared. Let him understand you love him for him, not his persona. You don't care about power, money, or anything like that. Compliment the way he talks, his looks, his confidence. Don't talk about his money or power, not until you've been dating for a while.

When its just you two, he's as sweet as candy. Despite not being able to walk the best, he's willing to get up and get anything for you (if it's before he has butlers and body guards, than he'd just make them get it). When Oswald falls in love, he falls in love hard.

Some nights are difficult on his knee. If you offer to massage it for him, understand that the next day will be spent doing whatever you want. He adores that you love every part of him, even the part that got him his name.

Speaking of his name, especially if you were dating before he was a criminal, he'd prefer you not call him penguin. It isn't that he dislikes the name now, he loves it, but you're not the penguin's lover. You're Oswald Cobblepot's love. You're his soon-to-be spouse. Penguin has nothing to do with that.

Though, he does unironically do penguin like things at times. He'll bring you home pebbles and pretty rocks at times, and if you ask why he'll proudly explain how male penguin's bring their mates pebbles and rocks for their nest. If you wanna make him flustered and happy, make a mini-nest somewhere in the house. And If you have any artistic ability, draw some paper figures of you and Ozzie and set them up in the mini-nest.

He's sorta like a sugar daddy at times, too. What's the point in being your boyfriend/fiancé/husband if he can't spend all his money on you just to see you smile. If you don't like gifts though, he'd be happy to buy you something else you'd enjoy (he's definitely the type to buy out an entire zoo for the day..)

[cinnamonest]

For Hu Tao's yan I see two options. The first is Zhongli. His voice line about her says "I cannot deal with that child" and in general their relationship gives off major brat/brat tamer vibes. Like one day Hu Tao's gonna get just a bit too rowdy and the man's gonna snap, taming her and forcing her to be less rambunctious by breeding and wifeing her. Hopefully she'll naturally settle down when she has kids, and if she doesn't, well he has ways of making brats behave. The second option is Xingqiu, which may sound like a odd pick but hear me out. He, similar to her is also very mischievous, though he hides his mischievous tendencies more than her. I can totally see him engaging her in a battle of pranks and wits, of sorts, though whether or not Hu Tao actually knew she was playing said game is up for debate. They both come from prestigious families, Xingqiu obviously being the next heir of the Feiyun Commerce Guild and Hu Tao's family having run the Funeral Parlor (which apparently has enough cash to be able to keep Zhongli's ridiculous spending habits afloat) for generations. So it works in terms of status. And his voiceline about her says "If you're asking what I think about her as a person... Well, there are all sorts of rumors about the way she works. But I think if you really want to understand someone, you need to find out what they are really after." which could be taken to mean that he's interested in her, at least enough to want to find out her motivations and/or the truth behind the rumors.

Personally though between the two I'd go for Zhongli being her yan, mostly because I think there's an even better pick for Xingqiu, and that's Xinyan. I know that seems like an even stranger pick, but again hear me out. His voice line about Xinyan says "Where does Xinyan perform? Anywhere from Chihu Rock to Yujing Terrace — no spot is untouched by her disruptive presence... A quiet day when I can curl up with a good book is a rare treasure indeed." So clearly he is bothered by how much noise her music makes, and likely how loud she is as a person as well. But, I'm not sure how much you know about Xinyan, but she repeatedly talks about how people want her to quiet down and be more ladylike in her voicelines. For instance one of her About Xinyan voicelines says "Not afraid of me, are you? Some folks say I've got eyes like knives, that I don't wear my clothes right, that I don't speak right. They give me a pretty wide berth, too. Really, can't a girl sport her own style without being looked at like she's some weird creature outta who-knows-where?" And then there's one of her More About Xinyan voicelines that says "Back when I was little, the adults all said I had to be more girly, that I should learn and study all these things. Wasn't ever any good at it, though, and I'd often get roasted bad. Rock 'n' roll's a different story. No-one ever taught me, but I can do it just fine. And of course, the adults say "that's unladylike!" *sigh* Talk about prejudice." All that said though she actually has some really feminine hobbies and talents outside of rock and roll. According to various voicelines of hers, she grows flowers, cooks very well, and has a talent for sewing and embroidery, to the point where she not only made her favorite stage outfit entirely by hand but also gives you (the traveller) some of her embroidery as a birthday gift. And she actually has a really gentle side to her personality too. Like her biggest concern/trouble is that she's self-conscious about how her appearance seems to intimidate people, particularly children. She actively tries practing her facial expressions in the mirror to try and make herself seem less fierce and scary and more approachable, though it hasn't worked at all so far. When you put all of these things together I think you have a really good potential yan/darling match-up. I can totally see Xingqiu originally going after her just to tame her and shut her up so that he can read in peace, but then discovering all her other talents and the gentler side to her personality and realizing that she'd actually make really good wife material; if he can break her of her firey personality and rock and roll obsession that is. Heck, it might even improve his reputation around the harbor, being able to tame this woman that even her parents couldn't get to settle down and finally silencing her music which apparently most people in the harbor think is "awful racket not fit for human ears." And you know that cocky little shit would jump on the chance to improve his own reputation. Sorry this got so long, I had too many thoughts on this lol.

YOURE SO RIGHT OMG how could I forget Xinyan... Xinyan is vvvvv wifeable, 10/10, completely wife shaped

And you're right Hu Tao gives major brat vibes. She would intentionally seek out men she thinks will let her get away with it and then get surprised Pikachu face when she pushes one to a snapping point.

[punkscowardschampions]

Rio & Buster

Rio: �� Rio: Well, Indie was so fucked she didn't even remember you being there.. soz you were so unforgettable, babe Rio: You get home alright? Buster: Always am, babe 😏 Even if it's the one time I'd rather be without the -un Buster: Course Rio: Ugh, trust you to run with a typo! 😂 Rio: I clued her in but she is not feeling adequately sorry for it, like Rio: didn't clue her in THAT hard, fuck but you know 😒 Buster: Trust you to make it Buster: Both of you missing me that bad already, yeah? Rio: She is, making me wanna slap her if she weren't so clueless what's she's saying 🙄 Bless Rio: and my fingers slipped, what of it boy Buster: At least you don't need to be jealous of her Buster: Hot as that'd be Buster: UNsurprised, you make a habit of that around me, like 😏 Rio: Apparently, I am, like 🤷 Rio: Full of it, she is Rio: too alike, you two, never work Rio: Oh, did she bite you, btw? She's got a loose tooth, how, I ask you... Buster: Well she's your lil mate, so again, unsurprised all around Buster: But nah, bite mark free Buster: Keep sleuthing that one Rio: Not even gonna argue Rio: more of a mini-me than any of my other sibs 😚 Rio: I daren't ask around tbh, we've secured she ain't knocked up, I'll take that so we'll just book the dentist appointment and forget all about it, I reckon Buster: Yeah, she's cockblocked me too now Buster: Thank Christ nobody could've said THAT kid's mine Buster: Don't need another coming Rio: I'm not on team cockblock anymore! Rio: Trust, no one's madder than me Rio: Don't even play that is literally the LAST thing I need on top of everything else Rio: Can you imagine? No wonder Nan had a coronary, if Indie was about to be a Ma...Lawd o mercy Buster: Maybe the dentist'll sort her head out Buster: Nobody's having fun there Buster: Not saying payback for ruining the mood but I'll still take it, cheers Rio: Harsh but Rio: feeling it 😂 Rio: even Mums get to be bitches, yeah? Buster: They're the best at it Buster: Have you met mine? Rio: Not saying you deserve it but Rio: 😉 Buster: Fuck off Buster: You know I deserved last night and that didn't happen Rio: I know Rio: Universe just upping the stakes Rio: Only means I've gotta make it up to you harder when it finally happens Buster: You better Buster: When I come back, clear the fucking schedule Rio: Duh Rio: You best come for AT LEAST a weekend Buster: You'll have to give yourself a week to recover even then Rio: 😏 Rio: Big talk but that's yet to be seen Buster: Trust me, it ain't Rio: Don't tease me when you've only just left Rio: When do you next have an excuse to be back? Buster: Not even trying to it's just Buster: Fuck Buster: Already working on it. Get thinking too, family this big there's gotta be something soon, like Rio: Check the schedule 'fore I clear it, no probs Rio: but I know Rio: I promise I feel it too Rio: [Sends photographic evidence] Buster: What happened to no teasing when I've only just left? Rio: You started it Buster: Doesn't mean you have to finish me off Rio: That's EXACTLY what it means Rio: Hope you're actually back and not still on the plane 😂 Don't mile high without me Buster: Not trying to almost crash a plane and a car in such a short space of time Buster: Bit rude to take the plane down with how desperate you are to go down on me Rio: Gotta gain some self-control boy Rio: getting dangerous now Buster: Don't Buster: Self control is the ultimate cockblock Buster: No going back Rio: You reckon? Buster: Yeah Rio: Had to see Chlo yet? Buster: She's been trying to sext me Buster: So nah Rio: 😬 Rio: Oh honey, no Buster: If she had any game that'd be one thing but she ain't Rio: I can only imagine the levels of vanilla Buster: And don't bother 'cause whatever you reckon it's worse Rio: Ick, yeah I'll save my daydreaming for better, tah Rio: aren't you glad to be back in London town? 😂 Buster: Yeah 'course Buster: Fuck Dublin. Nothing there like Rio: Just decent craic and people, like Rio: but nah, the eye, cracking stuff that Rio: Please 😜 Buster: 😂 Buster: You not planning to visit then? Fine Rio: Can't really, can I Rio: Oh hi guys, just passing Rio: Plus, clearly need to keep a better eye on Indie Buster: Who knows who she might make a move on next Rio: She ain't even shamed, it's terrible 😂 she asked if you were into it Rio: took the liberty of saying no on your behalf so you can't say nothing Buster: Cheers Buster: I'd usually call you out but it's Indie like Rio: 😒 yeah, fight me on that one and we're gonna have trouble Buster: Hot as you are when you're angry, nah Rio: You say that now Rio: Wanna put it to the test? 🥊 Buster: Not yet Rio: Softie Buster: Shut up Buster: You know I ain't when I'm around you Buster: Can't say you've forgotten last night like Indie has Rio: I wish Rio: Can't stop remembering it, like Buster: Yeah? Rio: Yeah Rio: Then I remember how it ended, or didn't Rio: and I'm back to square one Buster: So much for the bathroom memories Buster: Holding Indie's hair back wasn't the one, like Rio: 🤢 Rio: boner killer if ever there was Rio: not, according to her but our vibe was DOA Buster: What? She got form at that has she? Nice Buster: Not my kink like but Rio: Coulda been in your mouth appaz Rio: Lucky you're tall Buster: Fucking hell Buster: Glad I left when I did Buster: Also not, you know but Rio: Yeah Rio: Probably could've left 'em at it and carried on Rio: but even my captivating charm has got limits Rio: 16 year old lads on one is not ideally how I want this going down Buster: Now you tell me Buster: Same though, unsurprisingly Rio: Just saying Rio: She'd never have known, messy bitch Rio: Too old for that shit, huh dad? Buster: Fuck off Buster: I ain't marrying you like Buster: The honeymoon would be worth it but couldn't hack the rest Rio: 😏 Whatever, you got the spawn to prove it Rio: Protest all you like Buster: The attitude's all yours though, ma Rio: Shut up Rio: Just 'cos you were too turned on to deal with the situation effectively Rio: 2nd time btw Rio: not that I'm counting Buster: Not my fault you're such a MILF Rio: 😂 that is so not my category Rio: friggin' cheek Buster: And it's not like you weren't, there was just nothing to prove how turned on you were to Indie and the lads Rio: Your word against mine, babe 😉 Buster: Yeah? Buster: I'll make you say it, trust me Rio: Wish you would Buster: Wish I could right now Rio: Fucking real life getting in the way Buster: Nothing but Chlo looming over me could stop me Buster: Trust her to be descending on my pad Rio: Big enough to hide Rio: just no seek Buster: My dad told her my flight info. Fucking traitor Buster: Can't even pretend I'm not back Rio: Awkward Rio: Feel that shotgun barrel between your shoulder blades? Rio: Meant to be her 'rents, not yours Buster: Don't Buster: Like yeah she said it was an emergency and she had to know, but how clueless is he Buster: Fuck's sake Rio: Clearly your Ma ain't as psycho as she seems Rio: Chlo's a special breed Buster: Christ. She really is Rio: Don't envy you at all Rio: my ex's antics seem ridiculously tame in comparison Buster: Have you heard from the latest? Rio: Oh yeah Rio: my own fault for repeating but truly opened the floodgates there Buster: Third time's the charm, ain't that what they say Rio: He's gonna magically get better, is he? Rio: I doubt that Rio: Indie reckons I gotta diversify anyway, hit that target demographic Buster: You could teach him Buster: Proper ma moves Rio: Some shit can't be taught, McKenna Rio: like not being a total twat Buster: Is he giving you grief? Buster: I'll sort it if he is Rio: Love a bit of chivalry, don't you Rio: Nah, he just is one, its nothing personal Buster: I mean it, Rio. Anyone is. Tell me and they won't Rio: You're cute Rio: I can handle myself though, you don't need to worry Buster: I ain't worried, just saying Rio: Shh Buster: You gonna make me? Rio: Such hard work, boy Rio: Give it my best shot across like Buster: You love it Buster: Always working like Rio: Got bills to pay 'til Indie can herself Buster: Keep the hustle going, babe Buster: I gotta run, Chlo's here Rio: Enjoy Rio: Tell her I said hiya Buster: Hey Rio: You're alive then Rio: How was it? Buster: Course Buster: Take more than her to kill my vibe Buster: How are you? Rather hear that Rio: You sure Rio: No shame in it Rio: She's...a lot Rio: I'm cool, getting ready for a shift Buster: It's my own fault, can't be crying over it, can I? Rio: 'Course you can Rio: Mixed reviews of judgment and lack of sympathy with the rest but I ain't gonna come at you with either Rio: better to rant here than to her, init Buster: Yeah Buster: Not like she'd listen but I'd know what I said Rio: So, still acting like she deaf blind n dumb then? Buster: About me and her at least Buster: I can't make it clearer Buster: Might have to fuck you in front of her, sorry like Rio: Steady on, like Rio: How has she got this far in life being so delusional? I blame the parents Rio: does she legit think she can gaslight you into a relationship like babe Rio: what's the idea here Buster: They don't stock brains in YSL Buster: I can't keep at this with her Rio: Its shit Rio: and you thought I played games Rio: got to find her breaking point with wanting you, but you can't go so far that she will try and withhold the kid from you as punishment Rio: gotta find the line before you can toe it like Buster: Yeah Buster: Never calling you a tryhard again, babe Rio: Definitely won't stick to that but Rio: happily let her take the title and crown Rio: maybe when her hormones quiet down she'll be better? ehh, comforting lie anyone? Buster: Maybe Buster: They better, I'm done with this shit Rio: Not long to go now Buster: All I do is wait now Buster: Sick of it Rio: I know Rio: Gotta let the kid finish cooking though, then you'll have Uni too Rio: it'll all pay off Buster: I know Rio: Try and enjoy your last summer of freedom, yeah? Buster: Yeah Buster: No pressure Rio: Gotta get used to it Rio: May as well be now Buster: Cheers Buster: Feel so much better now like Rio: You want me to bullshit you? Rio: That's the life you want, right? Pressure is your rocket fuel, like Buster: I'm just playing Rio: Oh, then that's the spirit Buster: 😏 Rio: Such a headfuck Buster: Says you, babe Rio: I'm not having a kid, like Rio: we all almost made it to adulthood Buster: There's always one fucking it up for the rest Buster: Why not me? Rio: Why not Rio: probably fucked up some bets, won others Buster: I'll take that Rio: Defending my honour and taking the first bullet Rio: What a doll Buster: Like you said, chivalry's my thing Rio: If it works for ya Rio: Not complaining Buster: You're not complaining cause it works for you too Rio: Maybe Buster: Can't deny it, babe Rio: Can and will Buster: Not for much longer Rio: Promises, promises, McKenna Buster: You know I'll keep 'em Rio: You've gotta at this point Rio: Can't not happen Buster: Understatement Rio: even if its just once Buster: Can you handle that? Rio: If I have to Rio: try and be a good girl about it Buster: You've got as much chance of that as you have of ignoring me ever Rio: I reckon that's just a cover for how little faith you've got in yourself on that one Rio: 🤷 Buster: My word against yours, babe Rio: We both know the truth, though Buster: Yeah? Buster: What do you reckon Rio: I reckon we both know once ain't gon' be enough Buster: Especially if we do it right Rio: Dunno how else to do it, babe Buster: Good Rio: Why is it you always see the people you don't wanna out, like Rio: catch me 'changing the barrel' multiple times Buster: Which cunt is it tonight like? Rio: Every cunt Rio: Told you off for dissing but genuinely sick of Dubo atm Rio: every punter's a comedian, or reckons they know where Edie is but then gives fuck all useful information actually Buster: Come here Buster: I know you don't wanna leave her but we can still keep tabs the same Rio: I know you're right, what use am I actually being, like Rio: but Rio: Idk, it don't matter Buster: Tell me Rio: Well, I know she didn't mean it how she said it, 'cos she took it back straight away Rio: but Indie says I'm only sticking around 'cos I'm guilty, and when I feel better, I'll fuck off Rio: and I don't want her to think I don't feel guilty Rio: or that I'm leaving her Buster: Fuck Buster: It's shit that you had to hear it though Rio: I'd rather she said it than silently thought it but Rio: yeah Buster: You've got nothing to feel guilty about, you know that, yeah? Rio: Don't lie Buster: I'm not Rio: Right Rio: Well, stop being nice then Buster: Say it first Buster: You've done nothing wrong Rio: I can't, Buster Buster: You won't. Different thing Buster: You can Rio: I don't wanna lie Rio: in general but especially just so I kid myself Rio: what's the point Buster: It ain't a lie, babe Buster: I promise you Rio: Certainly didn't help the situation did it Rio: what I do, fuck shit up for the rest 'cos I can't keep my knickers up Buster: Shut up Buster: That's the lie there Buster: They'd be fucked without you and you know it Rio: Or I'd be fucked without them Rio: am fucked, let's face it Buster: Bullshit Buster: You're perfect, remember? Rio: Only when we're playing Buster: You know that ain't true Rio: S'alright Rio: I've had my bathroom breakdown, mascara barely touched, we're good to go Buster: One of these days you're gonna believe me Rio: Never Rio: but its fun pretending with you Buster: I've told you before, you're real Buster: And how good you look is too real Rio: Why can't you be a dick to me Rio: I'd know how to deal with that Buster: I don't want to Rio: Selfish Buster: Not when it proper counts Rio: Humble brag Rio: thanks for the heads up or this would be really awkward and disappointing Buster: Thrive under pressure, remember? Buster: No worries Rio: You ain't worried, I know Rio: Know you're no scared virgin with it Buster: Nor you Rio: One thing I ain't scared of Buster: Rio Buster: You can tell me whatever, you know Rio: Yeah? Rio: that part of the deal now? Buster: If you want Rio: I dunno, you'll have to handle the paperwork Rio: wanna distract you from the pressure, not add more Buster: Why not? Thrive on it Buster: And I ain't scared of nothing so Rio: Fine line, babe Buster: I can walk it Rio: You're so sure, huh? Buster: Yeah Rio: Shouldn't be surprised Rio: cocky bastard Buster: No arguments here Rio: Only 'cos you're Mr. Nice Guy all of a sudden Rio: don't be TOO nice, yeah? Buster: You wanna fight, babe 🥊 Go on Rio: Not exactly what I had in mind Rio: submission is more than willing, like Buster: It's not gonna be that easy Rio: Why not? You don't wanna give me what I deserve? Buster: I don't wanna just give you anything Buster: Where's the fun in that Rio: 🤤 Rio: that's the Buster I want Buster: How bad Rio: You still gotta ask? Rio: I do need to work harder to show you Buster: I don't have to Buster: Just want to Rio: I get it Rio: I'm nowhere near tired of hearing it either Rio: tired of it being all chat though fr 😒 Buster: I feel that too Buster: Soon, I swear Rio: Promise? Rio: To the point I don't even fucking care, if people keep getting in the way then they only got themselves to blame Buster: Yeah Buster: We've held back long enough Buster: Too fucking long Rio: Practically a saint over here Rio: and a nun Buster: You better not be Rio: Yeah, found Jesus in the time it took yas Rio: and he's a top ride, like Buster: 😂