#and talking it out to myself helps me solidify my actions and choices

[doumadono]

emergency request.

hi author. I just wanna let something out of my chest. Recently I was now arranged to marry to someone i barely know. Him and I were friends but surely he was horrible. I know this sounds unreal but trust me it is happening to me. I don't have a choice, i never had a choice nor make any choices, all of my choices were made by my conservative parents. Can I please request a reader who tells shoto about this? Probably asking him to help her run away, just like how i dream of. Have a great day author :)

A path to liberation - Shoto Todoroki x Reader

A/N: I can't imagine the weight of the situation you're facing. Hold onto hope, for brighter days are on the horizon

EMERGENCY REQS MASTERLIST

In the quiet solitude of his room, Shoto Todoroki sat with an open book in hand, his mind wrapped around the intricate dance of words and emotions. The soft glow of a bedside lamp cast shadows on his stoic face as he delved into the pages, seeking solace in the fictional world that often felt more predictable than his own.

Just as he began to lose himself in the narrative, a subtle chime echoed through his room, indicating an incoming message. With a detached curiosity, he picked up his phone, unlocking it to find a heartfelt plea from an old friend. The words unfolded before him, revealing a narrative of forced arrangements and a marriage looming like an ominous storm.

The message began, "Dear Shoto, it's been a while since our last conversation, but I have no one to ask for help. I find myself in a situation I never imagined, arranged to marry someone I barely know. I feel trapped. My choices have never been my own, dictated by my parents. I'm suffocating, Shoto, and I need a way out. Can you help me?"

Shoto's expression remained impassive, but his eyes betrayed a flicker of concern. A friend in distress was not something he could easily ignore. He pondered for a moment, the weight of responsibility settling on his shoulders as he considered the best course of action. Drawing in a deep breath, he composed a response, his fingers tapping the screen with measured precision:

"I've received your message. I understand the gravity of your situation. Meet me at the park tomorrow at dusk. We'll talk."

The next evening, as the sun dipped below the horizon, casting a warm glow across the park, Shoto waited by the familiar bench. The soft rustle of leaves and distant sounds of the city formed an ambient backdrop to the impending conversation.

His friend approached hesitantly, eyes betraying a mixture of anxiety and hope. Shoto stood, his expression unreadable but welcoming. They exchanged a nod, and the air thickened with unspoken understanding.

"I've thought about your situation," Shoto began, his voice calm but firm. "Running away is a significant decision, one that comes with consequences. But I won't stand by while you're forced into something against your will."

The girl nodded, gratitude flickering in her eyes. "I've also considered every option, and I can't let my life be dictated by someone else's choices, Shoto. You know how does it feel... Being held in a golden cage..."

The conversation unfolded like a delicate dance, with Shoto offering both practical advice and emotional support. He suggested a carefully devised plan, emphasizing discretion and safety. Words were exchanged, fears expressed, and a bond of trust solidified.

"Actually I have an idea," he claimed, his tone very soft. "I've been thinking about how I can help you, provide you with a safe haven until you figure things out."

She gazed at him, a mix of gratitude and uncertainty in her eyes, prompting Shoto to continue. "I have a little cottage house just outside the city. It's a quiet place, away from the chaos. I'm not using it, and I thought... well, you could stay there for as long as necessary. It might give you the space to breathe, to decide what you want to do next."

A flicker of surprise and gratitude flashed across her face as she processed his offer. "Shoto, I... I don't know what to say. Are you sure? I don't want to impose. You're already doing a lot to me by offering your support..."

Shoto met her gaze, his expression unwavering. "You're not imposing. If anything, it's the least I can do to help. You deserve a sanctuary, a place to gather your thoughts without the weight of the world pressing down on you."

He reached into his pocket, retrieving a key. "Consider this your key to freedom, at least for now, and rather in symbolic manner. The cottage is yours. I'll make sure it's prepared for your arrival. Tomorrow night, when the world sleeps, we'll leave this place behind. I'll ensure your safety on the way, is that okay with you, Y/N?"

As the stars emerged in the night sky, a pact was sealed beneath their twinkling gaze. The crisp air of the evening enveloped them as Shoto and his friend stood outside the park after taking a little stroll through alleys, their breaths visible in the chilly night.

"Thank you, Shoto," the girl brought a curled palm with a key to her chest as if hugging it.

The following night, she found herself standing in front of the quaint cottage, a haven nestled in the serenity of nature.

Shoto had thoughtfully prepared everything, ensuring she had the solitude she needed to reflect and plan her next steps.

Inside the cozy abode, she felt a sense of peace wash over her. As she settled in, the weight on her shoulders began to lift, and for the first time, she glimpsed the possibility of a future shaped by her own choices.

The soft glow of city lights filtered through Shoto's apartment window as he stepped inside, the night's events weighing on his mind. As he settled into the quiet solitude, a gentle chime signaled a new message on his phone. Opening the message, Shoto found heartfelt words from the old friend he had helped.

"Thank you for being my guiding light in the darkness. You've given me back my freedom, and I'll be forever thankful."

A faint smile touched Shoto's lips, a silent acknowledgment that, in the darkness of the world, a small act of kindness could illuminate someone's path to liberation.

[adutchlover]

I'm always interested in the creative process of other writers. So if you don't mind: how do you usually come up with ideas for fics? How does it solidify for you? How do you decide if an idea is good enough to work on? Also, Is there anything you can share about the aformetioned 2 AM wip?

First of all, my God, you sending me an ask made me all aaaaaaaaaa🤯🥺🥰😱😭🥹🤏🏼!!!!

(If anything is confusing or makes you curious, send me a message or ask me! I love to chat, interact and answer questions.)

About how ideas come to my mind:

my process of coming up with ideas for fics is very much based on my mind never shutting up and I'm very driven by music and intrusive thoughts. It's always a little straw that if I light the match, it catches fire. Sometimes the music has nothing to do with the plot I imagine, but just because I'm disconnected from the rest, I just have the idea. Sometimes they're completely loose dialogues (no setting, no context, no before and after), just the conversation and that's all I need, because sometimes the best of my plots come from letting my mind take control, writing everything that comes and then organizing what I was really looking for with it.

How I solidify and deal with:

first, as I said, I let whatever has to come to happen; a dialogue, a thought, a feeling, a random scene. Since I think a lot all the time, I needed to find a quick way to get my ideas out so I wouldn't get frustrated and simply forget what I initially thought, so I have a group with me on WhatsApp to make things easier, where I send texts or just audios (because sometimes I'm getting ready for work and an idea comes to me, so while I'm getting ready I talk to myself about the plot); then, when I have time, I go back to listen to the audios and texts and really develop the plot if I think it's worth it. I usually use what I learned in college to help me (I have a degree in journalism): what (the action), who (the agent), when (the time), where (the place), how (the way) and why (the reason) the central event of the story happened. This helps me have the right questions and motivations for the characters and for the story itself, considering that sometimes all I have for a plot comes from random dialogues, but that I see potential in.

How I decide if it's worth it:

I basically write it down. Since I am very much guided by what I am feeling, if the plot is going through my mind, it will only stop when I write about it. So I have no choice: I write, develop that part I thought of and then I get it out of my head, breathe, drink some water and then come back and think: does it have a future? And if I, now less affected by the rush, feel that it is worth it, then I continue writing after plotting more.

There are plots that I simply get VERY attached to them and I can't do anything unless I finish writing and post urgently (Invitation, I Feel the Rain, What if this is) and others that I get excited about but after I post I feel calm (Swipe your Nose); and there are those that I want to continue but I choose to take a break because I want to analyze the future of the idea calmly (Camboys au, how to by wikihow).

Btw, I talked to Random and one day I would like to be able to share the writing process of The Invitation with you, but that can wait because we have a few more oneshots and wips planned together that are more of a priority for us now.

About the new wip I mentioned I was plotting at 2 am the other day:

I have the plot 90% ready and it will be a lestappen fic set in the mid-1890s, with a Van Helsing-meets-The Vampire Diaries vibe; obviously you must have already understood that yes, it is a vampire fic. Probably a short fic with long chapters? Anyway.I intend to bring chapter one soon and I would particularly like to know if people are interested in this fic because I am very involved with this plot skksksksks

[achilleslyre]

gawd my dysphoria has been so bad lately but not for any outward appearance but literally just the fact that i still have my ut*rus uhm GTFO!!!!!! GET OUTTA HEREEEEE NOBODY LIKES YOUUUU i literally don’t even get affected by it anymore bc of hrt but the fact that it’s just in there makes me so sick and disgusted like LEAVE just rot away and die!!!! GRRRRR GET OUT. i think i’m gonna start looking into getting a hysterectomy because i think OHIP covers it at least partially? i’m gonna start looking into it anyways bc it’s literally been keeping me in a deathhold these past few months like. it’s always on my mind it’s debilitating.

[imagining-in-the-margins]

Petty Pair (Raymond/F!Reader)

Summary: Reader wants to fuck Raymond to spite his father. Raymond thinks that’s really hot, actually.

A/N: This idea came into my head and literally never left. It lives rent free in my head, and I hope you feel it now, too. Couple: Raymond/Fem!Reader Category: Smut (NSFW) Content Warning: Fingering, penetrative sex, protected sex, mild exhibitionism, getting caught Word Count: 5k

MASTERLIST

——————

There was a grand total of one functioning bar in this town at this hour of night. This drastic and unforgivable shortage of places for me to buy alcohol was also the only reason I found myself frequenting said bar.

After about an hour of swatting off a group of men that were objectively disgusting, I resigned myself to fate and the realization that the night would turn out no better than it would have if I hadn’t tried to get drunk on cheap liquor. I was ready to pack up, close out, and fuck off back home when it happened.

A familiar face walked through the door. Familiar, I suppose, was a stretch. I’d only seen his face in one picture ­– a picture I’m pretty sure was meant to be thrown away. It stuck out to me because it was the first indication that I got that Donald Wadsworth had a son. And a cute son, much less.

My brain scanned through buried memories to try and find the one where his recently divorced mother had told me his name. I knew the memory existed somewhere, surrounded under a mountain of bullshit, but it was so hard to focus when I was watching the poor kid shuffle over to the bar and plop himself down against the counter.

It had taken me that long to realize that he was wearing pajamas. Cute.

His fashion choices and bedhead paired nicely with the pout he wore when he shyly scanned the room. Altogether, everything about him assured me that he literally couldn’t have been less intimidating if he tried. That theory was further solidified by the way he shrunk against the counter when he saw me approach. By the time I sat down next to him, he’d all but disappeared under his jacket.

“Hey, you’re... Raymond, right?” The name came to me at the same time his eyes locked with mine. The dark hazel color shone almost gold in the orange hue of the bar.

“You’re Donald’s son?” I asked as warmly as possible while using his father’s name. Which is to say, not warm at all.  

“Unfortunately,” Raymond droned with a similar disdain.

“I’ll say,” I chuckled as I leaned forward to match his slouch over the bar. “I work with your dad.”

“Oh. I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, me too.”

That alone seemed to cause a shift in his entire demeanor. It didn’t surprise me. Most of the women in this town were brainwashed into thinking that if a guy didn’t outright assault you at first glance, he was probably a solid dude.

And Donald Wadsworth was not a solid dude.

“He’s like, a giant fucking asshole,” I said.

Raymond’s eyes lit up.

“Right?!” he shouted back, practically falling from his seat in his enthusiasm as he continued to yell, “I know!”

There was no keeping it together with this caricature of a man, but I didn’t really want to, either. In the few seconds I’d interacted with him, everything about him changed from defensive to relaxed. Like all he needed was someone to tell him that it wasn’t all in his head.

Unfortunately, I was going to need to ask something of him. But I figured he wouldn’t mind what I was going to request.

“But hey, that’s actually why I wanted to talk to you. I have a favor to ask you.” I kept my tone even and nonchalant, trying to avoid coming off as parental.

He eyed me as warily as I expected, tugging his drink a little bit closer as he started to shrink in on himself again.

“I’m gonna be honest,” he mumbled, “there’s not really anything I can do to hurt him that I haven’t already tried.”

There was no need for self-degradation. Raymond might have thought he tried everything, but from his body language around a woman, it was safe to assume he’d never tried my plan.

“Wanna bet?”

Raymond sighed in surrender before he shrugged, “Sure. What’s the favor?”

“I want you to fuck me.”

It wasn’t my intention to wait until the drink was in his mouth before I spoke, but it was how it ended up happening. And almost instantaneously, he spat the drink out over the bar before calmly squeaking, “I’m sorry, what?”

“I want to have sex with you,” I repeated like it was the most normal thing in the world. Then I sought confirmation that was only a little important in the grand scheme of things. “You’re staying at his place, right?”

“Just for tonight, yeah—" he started, but all I heard was the ding of a checkmark on my mental list that meant we were cleared for the next step.

“Great. We should do it there, then. Tonight.”

Raymond’s tongue stuck out from between his teeth, the visual of restraint matching his narrowed, shifty eyes and fidgety legs.

“I feel like I’m missing something...” he muttered.

I heard him, but I didn’t really care. The clock was running, and I was ready to get something good out of this night. Possibly even two good things, if he ended up being as helpful as his cute, submissive demeanor implied.

“I’ll drive. You want to go now?”

“I— I mean, sure, yeah,” he stumbled over the words and his own feet as he left the bar. “We can… go have sex.”

I laughed at how cool he tried to sound because he definitely failed. I reached past him to drop cash on the bar and grabbed his hand on the way back. The amount of warmth stormed it in was shocking, considering all the blood seemed to be in his face, ears, and the tent in his pants. But the comfort of his fingers interlocking with mine on instinct did more for me than he knew.

“Great. Let’s go.”

Raymond was silent on the way out and into the car, which was about what I expected from him. Every glance his way would show the gears slowly turning in his head, like he was still trying to grasp whether my proposition was serious. Like I was trying to murder him or something.

When the car started, so did some sliver of confidence in him, although he still cleared his throat before he asked, “Do you need directions, or…?”

“No, I’ve been to his place before.”

That caution and suspicion returned and multiplied, and before I even pulled out of the parking lot he had shrugged down in the seat and buried his face in his hands.

“Please tell me you didn’t fuck my dad,” he whined in the most dramatic manner possible.

I couldn’t blame him for the theatrics, although the implication was not at all appreciated.

“Absolutely the fuck not,” I spat, my face curling into a pure expression of disgust. At least we both felt similarly on that note.

“Thank god.” The relief flowed through him, allowing him to sit back up to his previously half-straight position. I decided that it was probably best to cut him some slack for assuming I would ever fuck that devil of a man, because I got the sinking suspicion that he might have known a couple girls his age that had done exactly that.

That thought led me back to the very reason I was there at all, and a chill ran down my spine as I muttered without thinking, “Wasn’t for a lack of his trying, though.”

The whole tone in the car shifted in seconds. One glance over at Raymond confirmed the repressed rage and sadness rolling off of him in waves that were more accurately described as a tsunami.

It was just unsettling enough that I snapped my eyes back to the road, giving a nervous chuckle to tell him that it wasn’t that serious. I didn’t need him to defend my honor, or anything. It did enough to quell most of the rage, but that self-pitying sadness was still there when he let out a shy, quiet plea.

“I don’t want to pry but… Will you tell me what this is about?”

“You really want to know?”

It was one thing to know the vague generalities of how much his father sucked, but another thing entirely to paint him a vivid depiction of what he was willing to do.

“Yeah,” he said with fiddling hands, “I think.”

I think he was trying to do me a favor. I think listening to my story was meant to be a sign to me that there were people who would care — people who would believe me. He clearly didn’t actually want to hear the story, but I appreciated his willingness to experience some discomfort to make up just a small part of his father’s misdeeds.

“So, I’m new at the school, right? It’s awkward. It’s a small town and everyone knows everyone,” I started, trying to look over at Raymond whenever I could to show him that I was doing alright. The poor thing looked like he needed the reassurance more than I did.

“Your dad very quickly tried to take me under his wing, despite my very obvious discomfort.”

“Sounds like him,” he interrupted with a pissed-off murmur.

“Yeah. I just kind of accepted his help because I was too scared to say no, but then one day he…” My voice trailed off, the words getting clogged in my throat and muddled on my tongue. It wasn’t that bad of a story; it should have been easier to explain. But something about Raymond being there, him listening to me so intently and with such a strong desire to make it better, that made it hard to speak. Eventually, I managed to start again. “He cornered me in the damn teacher’s lounge and—“

“Please don’t give me a reason to kill him. I’ve been toeing that line my whole life, and I will definitely do it.”

That time when Raymond cut me off, it was very clear to me that he was not kidding. He enunciated the words so clearly, venom dripping from his tongue and his chest heaving with a determination coming through clear, despite his best efforts to hide it.

He was a sweet kid.

“He didn’t try to touch me or anything. It wasn’t like that,” I said with an awkward smile, reaching over to pat his thigh. The action alone seemed to calm him, almost like a dog that was being told to stand down.

He was a really cute kid.

But I had to finish this stupid story. I had to give him all the information so that he would know exactly why I’d invited myself into his bed. Sex is sort of a big deal, you know? I mean, not always, but the other party in spite sex should probably know who exactly the target is.

“He just made it very clear that he felt I owed him something, and I kindly told him to fuck off,” I concluded just as we pulled up the dirt drive. The bumps in the road seemed to shake some other memories in Raymond, and he just shook his head to rid himself of those, along with the story he’d just heard.

He looked over at me with a new understanding and something else.

“So that’s what this is about?”

“Yep,” I said with a pop of my lips to match the sound of my car door opening. He clambered out of the car much less gracefully, which was funny considering he’d had significantly less to drink.

But I figured I would have the decency not to laugh, instead just joining him on the passenger side of the car to finish our conversation before we went inside. I wanted to give him the chance to change his mind. I wouldn’t have blamed him. Although I was the one who would have to deal with the brunt of the downfall, Donald wasn’t my family. Like, I wouldn’t be at his holiday dinners. Then again, I’m not sure Raymond would be, either.

When I looked up from the thought, Raymond was staring at me. It wasn’t like before, though. There was nothing suspicious or any sign of concern in his eyes. No, they were filled with a very different feeling.

“You want to fuck me just to spite my dad?” he asked with a deadly seriousness.

I thought about it for exactly one second before I shrugged at the extremely accurate summary.

“Yeah, pretty much.”

“God,” Raymond practically groaned, throwing himself on me and pinning me against the car with his hips before he growled, “that’s so fucking hot.”

Those same lips that produced the words quickly covered mine with the same force he’d used to pin me against the metal. I didn’t fight him at first because, well, I didn’t want to. It was the first clear sign he’d given that he really wanted to do this, and who was I to argue with how he expressed his consent?

Also, he was like, a really, really good kisser. The desperation he felt came through in his tongue as it tangled with mine, drawing a quiet, muffled moan from me that alerted me to how quickly this would escalate if I didn’t shove the boy off me.

Which, I did.

“Raymond— inside,” I ordered with the little breath I had left.

He was confused for a second, almost like he’d blacked out in the meantime. But then his tongue swept over his lips, his hands digging through his pockets for his keys before he hastily answered, “Right. Let’s go.”

It made sense to be quiet then, as the two of us tip-toed through the much too large house. Our occasional giggles were louder than our feet, and the whole experience was seriously reminiscent of sneaking into your boyfriend’s house as a teenager. And when we walked through his bedroom door, the sight stirred up even older memories. From the UFO poster and alien sheets to the boxes filled with dinosaur toys and action figures, I felt like I’d walked straight through a time machine into Raymond’s childhood.

“Sorry about… all of this,” he said with an overly apologetic tone, like this scene didn’t perfectly suit what I was planning. Like it wouldn’t be salt in the wound for Donald to see me fucking his son in the most juvenile room I’ve ever seen in my life.

“Ugh, it’s perfect. You are literally a man-child.”

I didn’t mean it as an insult, but his nervous shifting told me he took it that way. But when I kicked off my shoes and started to disrobe my outer layers, it was becoming obvious to him again just how serious I was about this whole thing.

“Sorry, but—“

“Stop saying sorry, Raymond.”

“Sorry,” he squeaked back, doing the exact thing I’d just told him not to do. I shot him a warning glance and watched the way his Adam’s apple bobbed in return. Then, still worrying the hem of his pajama shirt between his fingers, he looked away as he asked, “Are you sure you actually want to have sex with me?”

I was a little too busy at first to answer him. I was already rustling through the bedside table to find a condom that I was absolutely positive would be there. When I finally found it, I turned my attention back to the blushing boy.

“Why are you asking? Do you want to have sex with me?”

“Yes!” he answered with a clear excitement, only to lose it immediately. “But I would have wanted to have sex with you even if my dad wasn’t a pervert.”

“Awww, thanks,” I cooed with feigned sincerity. Raymond was still just pouting, though. I was learning more each second just how starved of affirmation this boy had been. But it wasn’t like I could just start praising him; the poor thing would have whiplash if I wasn’t careful. There was no worse mood-killer than crying, either, so I settled for a joke.

“I’d probably have sex with you, too.”

“Probably?” he responded with a smile and a seat next to me.

“It’s pretty likely, depending on how much we talked first,” I explained as I helped him out of his coat. I even managed to start undoing his pajama top buttons before he realized it was happening.

He didn’t stop me when he did.

“I don’t know if that’s an insult or not,” he said, instead.

With a coquettish grin, I leaned in to whisper against his lips, “And you never will.”

There was absolutely no resistance from Raymond when I grabbed hold of his collar, tugging him on top of me as I laid down on the tiny twin bed. Despite all of his insecurity, he didn’t hesitate to kiss me again, either. This time it was somehow even more heated, like he was trying to pour all of his heart into it.

I almost warned him that he had better cool it if he didn’t want to risk getting me hooked, but I was too late. He was already busy undoing the buttons on my own top and gently kneading my chest through the fabric of my bra, and I was quickly losing track of which of us was more into what was happening.

It didn’t really matter, but just in case he was still worried that I might not want to be there, I snuck my hand down and under the waistband of his pajamas.

“Fuck!” he cursed in a hushed whisper, his body buckling forward far enough that he almost dropped all his weight on me. It was so damn cute that I couldn’t help but laugh.

“Don’t be too loud or we’ll never get to the fun part,” I warned, my voice barely a whisper in his ear.

His very eloquent response was a breathless, “Shit.” I couldn’t blame him, though. It was honestly more than I expected him to be able to enunciate when I grabbed hold of his dick and began making soft strokes.

It was obvious that he was trying very hard to stay quiet, but the whimpers and whines were falling from his mouth so quickly that I was forced to kiss him just to muffle the noise. Thankfully, Raymond took the hint that he needed to be quiet and decided to redirect the attention from himself back to me. He accomplished that task by pulling away from me just far enough that he could grab hold of my pants and underwear and roughly pull them down my thighs. The speed and force lit a fire deep in my gut, my whole body breaking out in goosebumps as I allowed myself to enjoy just how badly he wanted me. I’m sure the spite thing had a lot to do with it, too, but it had been a long time since a man was so clearly into me. It was an unavoidable conclusion in every touch from him.

A much-too-loud moan caught in my throat when he returned, slipping his fingers into my heat as he laid another feverish kiss against my lips. But it broke almost immediately with his own choked moan, followed by a low, breathy observation.

“You weren’t kidding about wanting this.”

“Nope,” I replied quickly, trying to control the noises coming out of my mouth by replacing them with words. It only sort of worked when I keened, “Fuck, you’re better at this than I thought.”

Raymond didn’t even stop, continuing to curl his fingers inside of me with each thrust. He did smile, though. A cheeky, borderline annoying smile that told me he knew what a bastard he was being.

“Again, I can’t tell if that is a compliment,” he said with an overwhelming amount of sarcasm as he watched me squirm under him.

I chose to ignore the taunt, opting to grab the condom from the bedside table and throw it directly at his face instead. “Put the fucking condom on, Raymond.”

There was less commentary from the peanut gallery from that point on. I did enjoy the show, though. As I removed my bra, I watched with rapt fascination as he stripped himself of his clothes. My desire grew at an exponential rate at the sight of him slipping the condom on. I’d gotten some idea of the size of him with my hand, but to see something so lewd in such an innocent room and on his shy little figure was something else.

Raymond shrunk a little under my gaze, only regaining his confidence when he saw the way my teeth dragged over my bottom lip. I ran my hands over my body that was still on display for him, thoroughly enjoying the way I could make his eyes go wherever I wanted with such a simple motion.

“Fuck me, Raymond.”

I heard his breath catch and watched the shiver flow through him at the order. Sure enough, he started to follow my instructions and lined himself up at my entrance with adorably shaky hands. But then, right before I got what I came for, he paused.

“Are you su—“

I was tired of waiting. Hooking my leg around his waist, I forced Raymond to thrust forward. My assistance didn’t take any of the pleasure out of it when he was finally, fully inside of me. I couldn’t stop the way my back arched, pressing my chest against his with a wanton cry.

“Jesus fucking Christ,” he mumbled into my hair, burying his face in the crook of my neck as he adjusted to the new set of sensations.

I only gave him a few seconds to get used to it, fully ready to get the release that already felt so close.

“Fuck me,” I whined, already starting to roll my hips against the boy blubbering curses into my skin.

“O-Okay,” he muttered in the most adorable fashion.

That shyness was contrasted strongly by what followed. For all his whimpers and trembling, Raymond didn’t seem to mind the way the bed would creak under us. In fact, it seemed that he was playing his own game, trying to elicit as many noises from me as he could get from the bed.

On instinct, my hands rose to try to still the headboard. But to my surprise, they never made it. The man above me had grabbed hold of one wrist, pinning it against the pillow to stop me. That simple, thoughtful act was enough to almost send me over the edge right then, but I held on for what I knew would come.

My moans were another story. They seemed so inevitable, with Raymond slamming into me with a progressively rougher force until I rode that line between pain and pleasure. I could see it on his face, too, that we were barreling full speed to the inevitable.

So, it was as good a time as any for me to set the next step in motion. With full volume and a pitch nearly an octave higher than usual, I screamed, “Yes, Raymond!”

That cheeky little bastard laughed. That noise was such music to my ears, that I couldn’t just stop there.

“God, yes! Fuck me harder!” I cried dramatically while drawing out the words. In a way, I was over exaggerating for effect, but I was also actually having a great time. In fact, it was the best sex I’d had in a long time.  

Raymond, catching on to the plan that I’d never explicitly explained, joined in with his own chant of my name, mixed with deep moans rumbling in his chest. I ran my nails down his back, seeking to elicit the higher pitched sounds I knew he was capable of when I realized just how much fun I was having with him.

It was also, of course, super fucking hot. But how often do you get to have this much fun with a random one night stand you found at the bar? Not often enough, I decided.

“Please, Raymond! Harder!” I begged, both in accordance with my previous moans and also because it was what I needed.

I couldn’t decide on a word to describe that wild look on his face, but Raymond had no problem following through with my request. Releasing my wrist, he sat up on his knees, grabbing hold of my hips and lifting them so that he could come down between them at a new angle.

That angle, it seemed, left him bottoming out inside of me with each brutal thrust. My legs were actually shaking around him, my back barely touching the bed as I threw my head back on that damn alien pillowcase.

The clacking of the headboard against the plaster shook the hung UFO picture, which ended up clattering behind it with about as much grace and subtlety as Raymond and I shared in that moment.

But that crashing also masked the sound of the door slamming open, just as I’d been waiting for. And for a long moment, neither of us even looked over to the light filtering in from the hallway. Instead, we locked eyes with each other as the two of us simultaneously reached our peak.

I was so, so glad that I didn’t look away. I kept my eyes firmly on Raymond as he threw his head back, forcing himself as deep in me as he could and holding me against him as I nursed him through his orgasm with my own. His mouth, though dropped open, was curved in a satisfied smile, one last moan tearing through the two of us before he promptly collapsed on top of me.

Then, it finally came. Donald’s voice bellowing, “What the fuck is going on in here?!”

 —

 As Raymond and I sat in my car that night, there was a much more relaxed atmosphere. Whether the catharsis was from the sex or the big fuck you to his father, the two of us were just basking in the afterglow of the overall experience.  

Of course, he was also laughing at the fact I was currently wrapped up in his alien bedsheet.

“We could’ve gotten your clothes, you know.”

“There was no way in hell I was going to drop this sheet in front of that man,” I said through my laughter, my mind replaying the chaos of the last few minutes over again in my head.

“Probably a good call,” Raymond answered.  

But then another thought occurred to me, which caused my face to contort into a disgusted grimace.

“You’d better go get my underwear and bra later, though. He cannot keep those.”

“Will do. Promise,” he said with a little nod that ended with him staring at me with an absolutely smitten look plastered on his face.

“You can keep them, though,” I offered, reaching over and pretending like I could actually fix the birds nest on his head.

“Thanks. I’m flattered,” he said while chasing after my hand that eventually settled on his cheek. His face was still flushed, his eyes still only half opened as he nearly fell asleep against my palm. I wondered if it was from the orgasm, or if it was just the first time in a while he’d felt safe enough to do it. He must’ve seen the worry in my eyes, because he interrupted the thought with another question.

“Did you accomplish your goal?”

I thought about it for a second, dragging my fingers down his face before I pulled back with a sigh. “I feel satisfied,” I decided. “What about you?”

Raymond also took the chance to think about it before he nodded with more enthusiasm than before.

“I feel pretty good,” he said proudly.

“That’s all? Just pretty good?” I replied with an annoyed click of my tongue. I mean, I was wrapped in his bedsheets after just helping him achieve one of the most satisfying catharses of his life, and all he had to say was ‘pretty good?’

But then I saw it, that little sparkle in his eyes that showed me he just wanted to rile me up before he gave his real answer.  

“It was fucking glorious.”

It wasn’t even the words that filled my heart with pride, but the way his whole expression softened as he said it. He obviously meant it with every fiber of his being, and I couldn’t help but fall in love a little bit at the sight.

“Sorry I got you kicked out,” I said to distract myself from that dangerous line of thought.

“Not the first time. Hopefully the last,” he nonchalantly shrugged as I turned the key in the ignition. We hadn’t actually planned on what to do from this point, but I certainly had some ideas.  

“You can stay at my place,” I slurred through my exhaustion, “I have a guest bedroom if you feel weird staying in mine.”

But Raymond didn’t answer. He just laughed, shaking his head and rubbing a heavy hand over his tired eyes.

“What?” I asked, a little worried I’d made a mistake.

“Nothing,” he reassured with that stupid fucking grin that was soon aimed straight at me, “it’s just… You’re asking me if I want to sleep with you. Again.”

“Yeah, what about it?” I laughed, turning to pull out of the driveway. The bumps didn’t bother Raymond that time.

“I’d love to,” he said as we turned onto the main road, his hand finding mine on the gear shift.

“Great.” Allowing the relief to flow through his hand and into me, I realized that the reason I’d had so much fun with this random one night stand was because a large part of me knew it was never going to be just that.

“You know, my bed’s not a twin, and it doesn’t creak, so…” I trailed off, hoping that he would be clever enough to put it together.

“So what?”

He was not. But that was okay, because I realized that was exactly what I loved about him.

“Never mind,” I sighed, “I’ll show you in the morning.”

——————————————————

(Tell me what you thought of this piece here!)

[tiredassmage]

Y’know, I know Hutta gets some shit as far as being a starting planet for the Aesthetic and that’s a completely valid judging point, but I’ve also realized playing through it yet again (let’s not talk about how many agents I’ve done Hutta on and also my several attempts at Bounty Hunter before Len stuck) between the class quests and a few side quests I always find myself doing (I kinda wanna do the rest, see if they add anything to this thought), Hutta is a really good exploration of a character’s motivations for me.

Thoughts on my favorite two under the cut - for spoilers, I suppose, if you haven’t done them and because one of them potentially involves violent actions made in front of a child, depending on your choices - which I mention to pose questions about why a PC might make the choice they do.

The two I always do - first primarily out of their proximity to story quest locations and then continuously as quests I just genuinely enjoyed - are the Czerka representative (”the Black Death”) and Gina’s situation with her husband and son. In short, they always strike me as a peek into what my character thinks of the Empire’s status quo - the Czerka representative tests their views on aliens [generalizing for categorical purposes; it can be directly about the Evocii, if the character ends the consideration with it there, or do they think of it as a broader context issue within the Empire?] and will they accept bribes. You can ask the Twi’lek merchant if he’d like this ‘Black Death’ murdered, and he says that’s bad for business, but leaves it up to you. Does your PC take that as a job and either accept the representative’s bribe to leave him alone, or drop Nem’ro’s name for the LS intimidate option? Or do they say ‘up yours’ to the bribe and kill the representative? Do they merely prefer to resolve problems with their blaster or is it because they genuinely find the representative’s hunting repulsive? Do they feel any sympathy for the Evocii or is it merely business?

Gina’s situation asks how does the PC - a non-Force user - view the status quo of the Sith? Does a Bounty Hunter focus on the job they were assigned at any cost, or do they have lines they won’t cross because the son is present when you confront the father? Do they care about how things are run in the Empire? How does an agent view the relationship between Imperial military or citizenry and Sith? Do they run into a similar moral debate between duty to the Empire and personal values?

Adding in consideration for their choices in their class story, I’ve just found myself fascinated that Hutta has given me, usually, a pretty clear picture of my character’s motivations with just this little sliver of missions. They can, in theory, establish a whole boatload of information about the character’s thoughts and relationship with the Empire or even just backstory, if their choices may be motivated by their previous history.

For example, with Tyr (I am snapping him like a glowstick, after all, you knew this was coming), when I first played him I made these decisions based on his personal values. I haven’t really returned to them until today I’m doing a second run through (for Galactic Seasons and ‘I miss him’ related reasons) and I realized I’ve since sort of tied them to his backstory and expanded on my understanding of his motivations. For him as an agent, its before he takes on the Cipher status, and it’s one of the few decisions I can count in memory that he made based on his own agency. Sure, his actions on Hutta probably help solidify his presence as the Red Blade, but Keeper’s not giving him an itemized list for how to think and behave - they need agents that can do that on their own in the field, first two minutes of the game. So these are his choices. He does not seek reckless cruelty as the Blade, and that’s all these people know him as, so his decisions suit his purposes both as a cover and also told me something about what he values. And I just thought that was really neat.

[jenxwp]

This is a bit of a different post to what I normally do, but this is something I have been thinking about a lot today so I have decided to write it down while I’m supposed to be doing actual ‘work’ at work...

A bit of a stream-of-consciousness as such, but for the last few weeks, all my random off the shelf Xena DVD picks have been from season 1, and it has led me to ask this question:

Why does season 1 hold such a special place to me?  And why, even now am I so drawn to it? 

It’s different to the other seasons- the show is still just finding its feet, the characters are still establishing themselves, and we really are just beginning our journey. We aren’t into the great comedies or the heart-wrenchers just yet. The subtext is still very much on the back foot. So why? Why does season 1 hold such a firm spot in my heart? 

I think I may have worked it out. 

All the episodes in season 1 hold such deep hearted lessons that you just didn’t see on television at the time, and often you still don’t today. Lessons about self-belief, discovering who you are, and just the morality of life. As a little girl growing up, it was just what I needed to hear and be taught. And re-watching them now as an adult, it helps solidify who I am and who I want to be. With all the craziness of life, season 1 grounds me. 

It all begins with Sins of the Past, and as someone who has had to stop, look around and then begin life again from the ground up, this speaks to me more now as an adult than it ever did. If I hadn’t had it ingrained into me as a child that it’s okay to accept the past and begin again, I probably would not be who I am today. In fact, I probably wouldn’t be here today. Is it lame to say that Xena saved my life? She gave me the strength to walk away and start again. 

Even episodes that I would definitely not classify as a favourite, like Chariots of War, still have a deep rooted message. It shows that we all have a path, and although that path often isn’t easy, its ours and we need to walk it. 

Who can forget the beautiful Dreamworker, when we learn that the past will always be a part of us and will impact on our decisions, but it doesn’t have to define us. We are the makers of who we are and we can use the past as a strength to propel us forward. 

The Reckoning. Of course this is the monumental debut of the incredible Kevin Smith, but the episode really is about accountability, taking ownership of yourself and your actions, and accepting the consequences of that. Xena really is the embodiment of that concept and she has the strength to face the consequences of her choices regardless of what they will be. 

“If I run now, I will be running forever.”

Episodes like Death in Chains, we always think of as Gabrielle’s boyfriend-of-the-week and the one where Lucy got covered in rats, but at the heart of it, its about the acceptance of losing the ones we love and understanding our own mortality. 

“You shouldn’t fear it. I did for the longest time. But now my suffering has grown so real and deep. Now I know, death can be a friend- a resting place.”

“Don’t you see? It’s not how long you live that matters. Its how well you live.”

In The Black Wolf, we actually learn through Flora and the story of the oak tree to have self faith. Whether you have suffered from a lack of confidence in your life or not, having belief in yourself can often be one of the hardest things to do. The story itself is heart breaking- a little girl reaching up in hope, but each time Xena pulls her hand away.

“I fell for it every time.”

“You told me to have faith.. and I always thought you meant to have faith in you. But it was me you were talking about, wasn’t it?”

It is a tough lesson.

Beware Greeks Bearing Gifts. It’s a subtle one, but you tell me what young impressionable female (or ANYONE for that matter) doesn’t need to hear at the end of the episode from Helen, a woman who has been objectified and treated as the beautiful subservient object of every man who has ever claimed to love her:

Helen- “you showed me that the only person that can make me happy- is me.” Xena- “you’re welcome. What’s next for you?” Helen- “I don’t know. But for the first time- its my decision.”

This exchange should be shouted from the roof tops to anyone who needs to hear it. So if you haven’t been told today- you can do anything and be anything. 

I really could go on about this and I might look at more of these episodes at a later date; but this really is just ad-hock musings while I’m procrastinating at work. So I am going to jump forward to The Greater Good. 

Oh boy, I think we all have to agree that The Greater Good is something else that we definitely did not deserve on our televisions. It’s just beautiful storytelling with such a depth of emotions that are both on display through the characters and a depth of emotion that it invokes in me. We have gone on this journey with Xena and learnt so many lessons alongside Gabrielle and this really is the first time she has had to demonstrate what she has learnt without the support of Xena. It’s hard. Its raw. And its beautiful. The concept of The Greater Good is the beginning of a theme that becomes a foundational stone that runs through the course of the entire show. As the concept grows, we discover there are so many levels to it- humility, our place in the world, the value of life, and the nature of humanity itself. But this, right here, The Greater Good is the beginning of it all. Along with Gabrielle, we have to endure that penultimate lesson and the seriousness and sacrifice of what may eventually come to be. 

You tell me any Xenite that hasn't found solace in the phrase ‘its for the greater good’ when faced with struggles in their personal life. Whether that be said in seriousness or in jest- we have all said it and it has brought comfort. We have Xena to thank for ingraining that concept into us. 

This ‘campy and lame’ show has created the bedrock for who I am. For who I want to be. And because of it, I am proud of who I am. I have made mistakes and done stupid things (and I am sure I will make many more in the future!), but that's okay. 

The lessons in season one aren’t easy. They are hard and full of hurt. They are not something you understand after watching the show once. Its those of us that have watched the episodes countless times. I hope you understand me. You just ‘get it’ right? 

So this is why. This is why when I am a little bit deflated, misdirected or demoralised in life I am drawn to season 1. This is where I can refill my cup, recentre myself, then take on the world. 

So yes, the episodes are a bit rough. Bit cheesy. But they are just heart. 

heart heart heart. 

I also taught myself how to make gifs today, so you can see I had a really productive work day. 

[bonjour-rainycity]

Double Heart | Chapter Twenty ~ Haldir

|previous part|

Pairing: Haldir x OFC

Rating: PG-13

Word count: 1650

Warnings: None

A/n Hi! Sorry, I know I’m a day late -- I have family in town so I’m soaking up all the time with them that I can. This one is short (and a lil fluffy/angsty), and this chapter and the next are kind of a rest before we hit the next act of this story! Sooo gear up! I’m excited!!! 

I shut the door behind Orophin and Lavandil.

Cosima flops onto her bed, staring at the ceiling. “That was awful.”

I make a noise of general agreement. I hadn’t expected my brothers to take the news happily, but I didn’t think Rumil would completely shut me out. I have no doubts that he will eventually come around, but his reaction is still distressing.

Cosima raises up on her forearms, looking at me in concern. “Are you okay?”

I nod, making my way towards her bed. “It may take some time, but I know my brothers. All will be well.”

She scoots from the middle to the far side of her bed and pats the space next to her. I accept the invitation, lying on my back at her side. Vaguely, I notice that her bed is much larger and comfier than mine. I turn to tease her about it, try and cheer us both up, but she’s fiddling with her fingers. I guess neither of us is feeling particularly lighthearted at the moment.

“What is it?”

She sighs, staring up at the ceiling rather than at me. I nudge her arm gently, trying to prompt an answer.

She bites her lip. “You’ve said that you can make your own choices, and I get that, but I’ve got to ask—are you sure? You don’t have to stay with me just because you said you wanted to. I know what you’re sacrificing, and you don’t have to—”

I cut her off, kissing her forcefully. She sucks in a breath and I use that to my advantage, drawing her deeper into the kiss. She recovers from her shock quickly though, and slides a hand up my chest in that way I adore and is slowly becoming familiar. I pull away but keep a firm hold on the side of her face. “Please push these thoughts from your mind. Whatever the future holds, I am in it with you. And a future without you? I don’t want it. It would be different, had I never met you, but the Valar blessed me. They brought an impossible woman into my life. And I have no intention of letting her go.”

The sadness in her eyes breaks, replaced with a look of tenderness that I work hard to memorize. I let the hand on the side of her face slide to rest on her hip.

She places a kiss on my jaw, taking her time to respond, aware that she has my complete attention. “If I had to wake up in a different world with no memories, I am immensely glad you were there. Being with you is worth all that I’ve left behind. Even if I did remember it, I would choose you.”

I exhale slowly, basking in her words. I’ve never been vulnerable with someone before — bearing my heart and hoping they don’t crush it — and every time I open my mouth to confess something to Cosima, there’s the fear that she will shut me down, that she won’t return my feelings. But her words just now, as well as her actions from the past few days, help allay my fears.

“It’s getting late,” she breathes, face mere inches from mine. “You could stay the night?”

My hand on her hip tenses. No, I remind myself. I should go back to my room. But the words that come out of my mouth are not what I told myself to say. “I would not be intruding?”

“No,” Cosima smiles, wrapping her arms around my neck. “I would very much like it if you stayed.”

We are both adults. If she wants me to stay and I want me to stay, then there’s no reason to leave. “Then stay, I shall,” I murmur, dropping my lips to press against hers.

She kisses me languidly for a while before her lips shift into a grin. I pull back with a raised eyebrow.

“You’re the one who has to get up and blow out the candles,” she declares, her tone full of mirth. “That’s really the only reason I asked you to stay.”

I snort, but push myself off the bed, headed for the first candle I see. “I knew it couldn’t be because you love me. That’s too easy.”

“And pull the curtains,” she adds, lifting the duvet so she can crawl underneath it. I watch her slide her eyes shut, smile still spread over her face as she tries not to laugh.

Cosima and I have slept in each other’s company before, and we will do so again for the three weeks of our journey to Lothlórien. But I can’t shake the feeling that this is completely different. It will be the two of us alone, in a bedroom, when we have acknowledged our feelings for each other.

But despite the nerves and the gravity of the situation, it feels completely natural to spend the night with Cosima. I long for her presence during the day, and the night is no different.

And with precious little time together, shouldn’t I seize on every moment?

I blow out the candle nearest to me. It darkens the shadows in the room. I extinguish the remaining candles, close the curtains, and then return to the bed. Cosima has thrown the covers back on what I suppose is my side, making it easy for me to climb in next to her. After the slightest moment of hesitation, I do so. I reach for her, wrap my arms around her and cross them over her stomach, then pull her against my chest. It reminds me of a variation on what I did our very first day of training, an action that caused me no small amount of distress. But now it seems there is no limit to the ways I can hold her, and I plan to explore them all.

Cosima chuckles, evidently pleased with this development. “You remembered the human way.”

“I am capable of adapting,” I respond, dropping my face into her neck.

Her laugh turns into a sigh when I begin a trail of kisses there. “I have a question.”

I hum, continuing my pattern. “Yes, my love?”

She pauses to beam at the phrase. When she speaks, the smile is still in her voice. “Rumil asked if we had bonded yet, and then when you said no, he said there’s still ‘time’. What did he mean by that?”

My lips freeze against her neck. I sigh, shifting to lie on my side and pressing on her shoulder so she’ll turn to face me. I figured we would need to have this conversation at some point, but I hadn’t counted on now. And it’s not the potential for awkwardness that makes me wish I could keep my mouth shut — no, we could get past that — it’s the fear that, once she knows there’s still technically a step we have to take in order for my soul to perish once hers leaves me, that she will end this.

But it is not right to withhold information from her so, with another deep breath, I explain. “He was talking about the bonding of the fæs — in the literal sense. But I love you, I am committed to you, and nothing can change that, so Rumil’s whole notion of ‘time’ doesn’t really apply here.”

Her eyes narrow as she zeroes in on exactly what I’m careening around. “Say there’s some wiggle room.”

“There’s not.”

“But if there were,” she presses, obviously not interested in letting this go.

I sigh. “Traditionally, elves have used sex as a way to facilitate the spiritual bonding of the fæs. That’s what constitutes an elven wedding — that’s what represents and solidifies the commitment. Since we have not had sex, Rumil thinks our fæs are not bonded, so there is time to break the commitment between us without it affecting me.”

She sits up, opening her mouth to comment.

I hurry to sit up as well and cut off her words before she can take this idea and run with it. “But our situation is different. The whole concept of the fæs bonding is not a blanket statement that covers every relationship — there is a lot of choice involved, we are not without agency. And I have chosen.”

She smiles somewhat sadly, letting her fingers drum over my knee. “I wish I was an easier choice.”

I catch her hand in mine. “I quite like where my choices have led me.”

She leans against me, pressing a gentle kiss to my lips. “I love you.” She shifts, lying down and tugging on my arm to pull me with her. “Let’s go to bed. It’s been a long day.”

I stretch out behind her, then twist the strands of her hair through my fingers. She’s silent, and I worry that, despite my efforts to reassure her, she’s still sad. I know she can’t help it, but I wish that we could leave all this struggle and moroseness behind. In my view, the future is set, my path is clear. Struggling over what that means will not halt the end, nor change it, so we shouldn’t waste time worrying over it. We should prepare how we can and then enjoy our lives together.

Cosima tucks her head into my neck and tangles one of her legs through mine. The action — so unexpected yet so natural — gives me hope that, soon, she and I can fall into a life together. Maybe Lothlórien is the key. Maybe once she can clearly see what our future looks like — a home, friendships, family, meals together at the end of a long day, exploring Lothlórien’s extensive forests and blue-green lakes, festivals, sunrises, all the wonderful things about my home, our home, she can allow herself to be happy.

And I will do everything I can to help her get there.

A/n Thanks for reading! Likes, comments, and reblogs are always so appreciated! Also, I think I made EVERYONE sad with that last chapter, I’m so sorry. But I LOVE that we all collectively love Rumil and want him to be happy forever, right? Soooo, c’mon, hit me with some happy Rumil headcannons <3

|next chapter|

|masterlist|

Tolkien tag list: @anangelwhodidntfall @eru-vande 

Haldir tag list: @tolkien-apologist @that-cute-stranger

Double Heart tag list: @lainphotography @themerriweathermage @thophil2941btw @kenobiguacamole @wishingtobeinadifferentuniverse @from-patroclus-with-love @boywivlove @ordinarymom1 @my-darling-haldir @sweet-bea-blossom @moony-artnstuff @sleepyamygdala @thranduilseyebrows

*Strikethrough means Tumblr won’t let me tag you :(*

[jimlingss]

The President’s Son [16]

Chapter 15 - Chapter 16 - Chapter 16.5 OR Chapter 17

➜ Words: 4.6k

➜ Genres: 100% Fluff, Slice of Life, Bodyguard!AU

➜ Summary: Kim Taehyung is the President’s son, mischievous and playful, and infamous for being a troublemaker. When everyone’s given up, they call for you to be his personal guard. There’s no other choice when your dad’s assigned you to it and surprisingly Taehyung doesn’t mind either. Maybe because you happened to grow up with that brat.

She stops when you pass, calling for your name. The polished woman sends a reserved smile when you turn around to meet her eye, and she finishes her conversation with the girl following her before she’s dismissed, off to run an errand or maybe send a message.    Taehyung’s stepmother asks how you are, catching up when she’s been so preoccupied lately with duties of The First Lady. “Good, good. I’m glad you’re doing well. How about Taehyung? How is he?”    “He’s doing well,” you say, despite knowing full well it’s already in the report that she’s read. “Keeping up with classes, completing his art portfolio. He’s been thinking of joining a club which would help him network and make connections to others too.”   The woman nods, the corner of her lipstick stained mouth curling. “He’s a troublemaker, but a sensitive soul — though I have a feeling you already know that.” Her irises twinkle, perceptive in a way that is almost intrusive. “I’m thankful he has someone close to him that he trusts. You don’t have to worry, by the way, if you’d like to get...closer to him.”   You don’t understand what she’s trying to imply, and she merely smiles at your confused expression before glancing down at her dainty watch adorning her wrist. “Well, I must get going. I have a meeting to attend, but if there’s ever any time you need my help, I’m a phone call away.”   “Thank you.” Your head bows and she makes a noise of acknowledgment, another farewell, and the First Lady saunters down the corridor.   You muse how difficult it is to figure her out — for a long time you already knew that she’s more than Taehyung makes her out to be. His personal and petty vendetta against the woman who remarried his father is childish at best and blinding at its worst, robbing him of an opportunity to have a close relationship with her. But even after so long and interacting with the woman, you, yourself, can’t seem to understand her actions, intentions, personality traits.   But you’re not too hung up about it, having an inkling that she’s far from being any sort of bad person. She seems to make Taehyung’s dad happy and that’s all that really matters.   You continue through the house, trying to make it towards the front entrance, but it’s not long before you’re stopped again.   “Well, well, well, look what the cat dragged in.”   A rush of air leaves your nose and you eye him. “Looks like you’re free.”   Jungkook grins boyishly. “I managed to grab myself a break. Even the best need rest.”   “Huh, really? I guess I need to go rest then.”   His smile only expands, hands burying in his suit pants pockets and he stops right in front of you with all the time in the world. “Seriously though, how have you been?”   “Fine. Same old. Nothing really changes. You?”   “Same,” he hums, doe eyes twinkling with judgment. “We should grab a drink though. Looks like you need it.”   You scoff, a smile tugging up your face. “I do not.”   “Trust me, anyone and everyone who watches Mr. Kim Taehyung needs a drink. Even you, lion tamer.” Jungkook grins and the cute mole dotting near his bottom lip becomes more prominent. “And don’t go rubbing it in our faces that he’s not that bad. You know Hoseok’s pissed, right? He face-planted and almost broke his nose once when he was trying to chase after him. Doesn’t sit well when the noobie does better than those who have been around here for years.”   You shrug. “I can’t help being good at my job.”   “Nah, he’s just freaking biased as all hell….” The bodyguard’s eyes narrow and he nods, smile becoming more sly. “Though I gotta admit I’m surprised that you’ve grown to actually like him.”   “Why? I’m apathetic towards things, you know that.”   “No, I mean you actually like him.”   There’s a pause. “What?”   Jungkook sighs. “Never mind, dense girl. Now I’m beginning to understand why he always calls you ‘dumbo’ all the time. Cute nickname though.”   Your brow lifts and you scoff. “Don’t call me that.”   Your peer gives you a wolfish grin. “Offended? You’re not when he says it.”   “Hey!” Suddenly the pair of you are interrupted by a figure standing at the end of the hallway. It’s a dapper, dark and handsome man who’s striding towards you. Your eyes widen, but his are pinpointed on the man beside you. “Are you slacking, Jeon?”   All traces of the playful man disappear and Jungkook answers timidly, “No.”   Seokjin smiles at you. “Hey, chickpea. Haven’t seen you around in a while.” He turns and like a switch, his expression becomes grim. “This guy, on the other hand, I thought I told you to go to your post ten minutes ago.”   You hitch a thumb over. “He just told me he’s resting.”   The boy is appalled at how quickly you betrayed him, his jaw dropping, but standing in front of his senior, he tries to play it off. “Psh, resting? No. I meant I was arresting. I got a report that there’s a suspicious man on the grounds. Was looking for him.”   “Really?” Seokjin crosses his arms, staring him down. It’s too amusing to watch and you’re sure your old classmate doesn’t enjoy the smile on your face at the moment. “Because I didn’t hear anything about that.”   There’s an awkward laugh. Jungkook tries to slip away, but Jin shakes his head, not letting him when his hand comes down onto the younger’s shoulder, gripping and squeezing tightly to keep him in place. “C’mon, we’re needed in the East hall.”   Before dragging him off, Jin bids you farewell and promises to catch up later. Jungkook, on the other hand, moves his thumb slowly across his throat with eyes narrowed into slits, threatening you for throwing him under the bus. You wave goodbye to him, enjoying his despair too much.   You make your way towards the entrance again, crossing through the maze of hallways and rooms, ducking your head when there’s people of prestige making small talk and brushing past, evading when tour groups weave through the corridors. But before you can make it to your destination, you’re stopped by a familiar voice.    “Hey, dumbo! Over here!”   Turning in your spot, Kim Taehyung’s running up to you at full speed, throwing his arms open to engulf you in a suffocating hug. You’re shoved into his chest, voice muffled through his cotton shirt. It’s unprofessional — not that it matters anymore — but you’re still in the Blue House with hundreds of eyes probably looking at you.    Though rather than getting in trouble, you have a feeling it’s solidifying your position as Taehyung’s bodyguard. No one can handle this position better than you can. No one is liked more by Taehyung himself.    “What are you doing here?” You finally pry him off, looking over to acknowledge Jimin who joins with an apologetic smile. “I was about to go to you.”   “Yeah, I know. I wanted to get rid of him early,” Taehyung says and motions his chin towards the shorter male. “His shift is over. So I decided to come to you first.”   “I still have ten minutes left before the hour’s over,” his bodyguard chirps with a good-natured smile, but it falls when the college student cranes his neck, tight-lipped and eye twitching. “N-never mind.”   Much to Taehyung’s dismay, you invite him, “You should join us, Jimin.”   The boy smiles, eyes crinkling, and worries soothed by your reassurance. “Okay.”    “How was class?” you ask as he leads the way. You don’t know where Taehyung’s going, but it’s certain that he’s not staying at the Blue House longer than he needs to.   “It was boring. I almost bashed my head on the desk when the prof started talking about government systems in the eighteen hundreds. I couldn’t care less.” He groans in exhaustion, hand dragging over his face, bored just talking about it. You hum, syncing your footsteps with his and failing to notice how Jimin naturally falls behind.   “Your stepmother asked about you.”   “About what?” His brow lifts in skepticism, less curious and more alarmed.   You shrug. “Just how you were doing.”    “What did you say?”   “What she already knows. A little about your schooling, that you’re doing pretty okay.”   “Pretty okay? I’m doing fantastic!” Taehyung exclaims in feigned exasperation, mischief leaking into his tone. “I have no idea why she’s trying to pry though. Woman can’t keep her nose out of people’s business.”   “She’s nice—”   “Yeah, yeah. Whatever.” Taehyung waves his hand lifelessly, ending the subject. “Anyways, I was thinking about something recently and I have a plan.”   “A plan?” You eye him. It was never good when he made a plan. Taehyung doesn’t make plans.   The man grins, mouth drawing into a rectangular shape, enthusiasm and eagerness suddenly summoned to make his brown irises twinkle. “Yep. Let’s go on a date.”   “No.”   You answered instinctively, like a withdrawal reflex. And he pretends he doesn’t hear the outright rejection. “I want to make the hypothetical a reality. You said yourself that you’d have to be in the moment to see if you’d date me, right? So let’s make the moment happen.”   “Absolutely not.”   “Umm...you guys?” Jimin raises a finger in the air, trying to remind the two of you of his presence.   “Why not?” Taehyung inquires genuinely, gaze seeking the same amount of sincerity. He’s not joking like you wish he was.    “I’m on duty.”   “Then we can wait when you’re off.”   “Um...my shift’s over, guys,” Jimin pipes up, squeaking like a mouse.   “It’s still unprofessional, Taehyung.” You stop dead in your tracks and he halts on his own feet. The both of you come face to face with one another. “I can’t date the people I work for.”   “You don’t work for me.”   “Didn’t you say that I did?” you calmly reason, reminding him of his own words. “You said I worked for you and no one else.”   Taehyung’s mouth fills with cotton, rendered speechless.    In the meanwhile, Jimin steps forward. “C-Can I go now?”   No one hears him. Not when the air is this emotionally charged and you’re holding your bated breath while Taehyung never strays from his intense eye-contact. “It’s unethical.”   “Is that it? Is that the only reason you have for me?”   “Taehyung.” Your voice is full of warning, but you don’t know what you’re threatening him with. Maybe it’s simply to stop him from talking before he keeps going and makes you question yourself.    You’re afraid of how you might waver.   “If you don’t like me like that, if you’re truly not curious about what it would be like and you don’t even want to give it a try, then tell me, right now. Tell me so I don’t have to keep putting my hope into us.”   Taehyung is serious, expression solemn. You don’t know where it’s coming from.   “There is no us.”   “Really? I highly doubt that,” he says it with so much confidence. You’re baffled, not knowing what he means, and staring straight at him. Taehyung shrugs and walks off. “I won’t force you into anything though.”   You watch how he strolls nonchalantly, hands digging into his pockets.   A sigh spills from your throat and you turn around. “Jimin, you can go now. I’ll take it from here.”   “O-oh, okay.” He’s a deer in headlights, flushing from Taehyung’s declaration of affections even though you should be the one with heated cheeks and widened eyes. “Will you be okay?”   “I’ll be fine.” You smile to reassure him, and you’re not wrong.   When aren’t you fine?   You catch up with Taehyung who’s speed walking down the street. He doesn’t seem to be angry or upset in the least bit, merely sulking as usual. “Where are you going?”   “Does it matter?” He scoffs. “You have to follow me anywhere I go anyways.”   It stays quiet for an extended moment.    It’s difficult to wrap your mind around it. You’ve only been asked out once before, back in the academy, to which you politely turned down, not wanting to lose focus on why you had come there. Your entire life has been spent in concentration, disciplined, never straying off from goals or indulging in frivolous things, like dates or social events.    But maybe you should’ve seen it coming. When you consider it, it’s not out of nowhere.    You and Taehyung have shared at least two meals a day together for the past two months. You’ve shared a bed with him, let him hug you close, let him draw you in such an intimate manner.   Taehyung’s stopped being just a friend a long time ago — and deep down you know it too.   “The movie theater?” you question when he finally stops.   “Problem?” He looks up at the screen with the titles flashing by. “I’ve been wanting to watch something for a while now.” With a deep inhale, he smiles and approaches the booth. “Two tickets to When Spring Meets Autumn, please.”   The lady behind the glass takes his cash and slides two tickets over. “The auditorium is to your left, number twenty one.”   “Thanks.” Taehyung stops at the concession.    You step beside him, puzzled to no end. “A romcom?”   “Why?” He smiles, and it’s small and coy. “I like romance movies too, y’know. They’re sweet.”   The vendor interrupts the conversation. “Next, please.”   “Yes, can I get an extra large popcorn, please?”   “Is that all?”   “Should we get drinks?” Taehyung looks over at you and you’re speechless, unable to respond when you don’t know what he’s doing. After a beat, he smiles at your silence and looks back at the vendor. “We’ll probably just take a medium-sized drink. Coke with no ice.”   “What are you doing, Taehyung?” you ask while he leads you into the dark theater.   “I’m enjoying a movie...with you.” Taehyung tells you to hold the drink and you feel his hand press on your shoulder, guiding you to the center row.   “Wait. It’s dangerous,” you whisper and before he can protest no one’s going to attack him, you insist, “Let’s sit on the edge.”   For the first time, Taehyung obliges your will. While you still can’t see well in this amount of darkness and your hearing is distorted with the surrounding speakers, everyone who wants to get to Taehyung has to go through you first. It puts your mind at a little more ease. But you still turn around to look at other people, swiveling in all directions, assessing the premise and every entrance, exit.    Suddenly, there’s warmth on your arm.   Taehyung's leaned the bag of freshly popped popcorn over to you.    “Want some?”   “Sure.”    You dip your hands in, grabbing only two. It’s buttery on your tongue, the taste addicting. You realize just how long it’s been since you’ve watched a movie in an actual theater — free time is better spent brushing your skills at the dojo, practicing on the shooting-range, working out, or resting for the next day.    The commercials play, loud, and he reclines his seat back. Taehyung glances at you before he’s moving over, whispering in your ear. His hot breath skims against your skin, oddly causing your chest to stutter. “Relax. We’ll be fine. I promise you no one’s going to try to get me in the middle of the movie theater, okay?”   “You can’t promise something like that.”   “No,” he whispers back with a smile. “But I can promise you’ll have a better time if you’re not constantly worried. I know it’s your job, but it’s also called pacing, dumbo. You’ll wear yourself down if you’re always on high alert.”   He has a point. One that you never really considered before. So you release a shaky breath held in your throat and look towards the screen.   Taehyung smiles at you, glad that you can relax even if it’ll only last for a short while.    The two of you lean back and when the movie begins, the lights dim even more, sound increasing in volume, screen expanding. Your hand reaches over, accidentally knocking into Taehyung’s as he’s also reaching in the bag for popcorn. And he lingers there, never once withdrawing, allowing the back of your hands to press against each other. You look over and the blonde pretends he doesn’t know what’s going on until three seconds pass and he finally grabs a handful, moving away. You scoff lightly, mouth pulling with a smile he doesn’t see.   The movie is absolutely terrible.   The prettiest actress gets killed off within the first ten minutes by a car accident and the rest of it is terribly dull and predictable. It doesn’t help that once your hand meets the bottom of the popcorn bag, there’s nothing else to preoccupy your time with.   But halfway through the film, goosebumps suddenly raise all over the back of your neck. You’re made hyperaware, feeling Taehyung draping his arm over the back of your chair. From the close proximity, you hear him clear his throat. Every movement he makes, your eyes and ears pick up on it, overly conscious of his presence in a way that almost makes you feel…..nervous.    And you don’t feel nervous often.   You end up leaning in towards the man, shuffling closer. When you turn your head to stare, he notices your gaze and shifts himself. Both of your eyes set on each other, connected. The profile of his visage is illuminated by the luminescence of the film, his features softened and glowing in the white lights.   You come closer, lips parting.   Taehyung stares and swallows hard, Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat.   You can see his lashes, the tiny freckles and moles dotting his face in spontaneous areas, details that you never noticed from afar. You see him clearly. “Taehyung.”   “Hmm?”   “Did you wear deodorant?”   His expression falls. He moves away. His arm drops off your chair. “Course I did!”   “Shush!” The person in front of him turns around with a glare and he’s left muttering a halfhearted apology. Your facade cracks with a smile while Taehyung sips on his drink, sulking.    For the rest of the time, he keeps his hands to himself and voluntary, you lean closer to him — just because warmth seems to radiate off of him.   “What did you think?”   “Movie was mediocre.” you say and Taehyung agrees. “Where are we going now?”   His pace quickens as if it’ll be enough for you to just follow along and be unable to put up a fight. “I’m hungry, aren’t you?”   “Well, I’m oka—”   “I got a reservation at a pretty nice place. It’s at eight, so we’re right on time.”   It’s a walk down the street, a mere block away, obviously planned so that it was easy without escape. Taehyung even opens the door for you, ushering you in like a gentleman. And once you enter, you’re put at a standstill.   He doesn’t eat at a place like this. Kim Taehyung craves fast food and greasy snacks, burgers and fries, ice-cream and carbonated drinks. But here are candlelit dinners, meager portions of steak, orders of not just simple meals, but appetizers and desserts.    You’re frozen until Taehyung guides you forward after he says his name and the waitress shows him to the table. A personal waiter introduces himself, showing the menus and pouring iced water by a whole fucking fancy pitcher and an arm behind his back, practiced after months of work.   You’ve been to places like this before, just standing at the back with your eyes pinned forward, on alert without moving like a statue while the important people chatted and ate together. Never did you consider that you’d one day sit at the table as well.   “This is a date, Taehyung.”   “What? “ He doesn’t even look at you, browsing the menu. “Who says?”   “A movie? A dinner?”   “We watch TV and eat together all the time.” He languidly shrugs.   “Yeah, but not like this. Not at a place like this.”   The man puts the menu down and folds his hands in his lap, eyes flickering up to you with a smile less than innocent. “I said I would treat you to something, remember? So take it as that.”   “Taehyung….”   “Do you want this to be a date?” he questions, becoming increasingly upset with the distant way you look up at him. This is not how he envisioned it to be. “You already said no. I get it. So stop insisting this is a date then. Just eat and we’ll go home. Think of it as me paying back the favour.”   It’s silent, awkward even.   There’s chatter all around you, warm conversations surrounding the space between the decorative walls. But between you and Taehyung, it’s gone cold, and you can’t understand. You cannot fathom how you’ve gotten here in the first place. It’s too difficult to comprehend alone.   “Why did you even ask me that earlier? Why did you ask me on a date?”   “Because if it wasn’t obvious enough, I like you, dumbo. A lot,” Taehyung emphasizes and ducks his head across the table where no one can eavesdrop. “I have since you appeared in front of me and saved me during the whole hostage shit.”   “You’re confused,” you tell him. “You’re confusing gratitude with other feelings—”   “I’m not.” His pitch raises into frustration and his hand crumples into a fist. “Stop taking my feelings so lightly, Y/N. I’m not a child. I’m not kidding either. I’m being serious. I like you.”   No one around knows what’s happening. You’re in your own bubble shared with Taehyung, an intimate confession spilled while surrounded by strangers. “I get that you might not feel the same,” he says, “But stop treating my feelings as a joke.”    The waiter steps up, unknowingly interrupting, but allowing you a moment to break away and think. “Hi, are you ready to order?”   “S-sure.”   Taehyung makes his order and you say you’ll have the exact same. It’s awkward as he takes the menus, suffocating silence that maybe the waiter feigns ignorance to. He flashes a charming smile, promising it’ll be out in about ten minutes and he fills your glasses of water again, excruciatingly slow.   You and Taehyung watch the water flow, the ice clinking against the glass….   Finally after five full minutes, the waiter leaves. Taehyung’s left staring at the flower centerpiece and you’re turning the fork over the table, fiddling with the hem of the white cloth napkin.    “I’ve….never dated anyone before.”   “I know.”   “I don’t know what it means to be in a romantic relationship.”   “To be honest, me neither.”   “You told me I was emotionally stunted. I can’t offer what you’re looking for.”   “The only thing I’m looking for is you.”   You swallow hard. “What if it doesn’t work?”    Your gaze meets his and he holds it, unyielding. The two of you are no longer children or just childhood friends, a bodyguard and college boy. You’re adults, two human beings with statuses that don’t matter.   “Then you’d still be my best friend.”   Taehyung takes a deep breath. “I meant it. That night, when I told you no one could take your place ever. That I wanted you. Badly. I meant every word that I said.”   Someday, he’ll no longer be the President’s son. Someday, you’ll no longer have a professional obligation to hold up to anymore. Someday, Taehyung’s greatest wish would come true and he’ll return to a life of normalcy or something that at least resembles it. That same someday, you’ll just be two adults who grew up together — just like now, but it’ll stay that way even after leaving this place.   “Would you ever date me?” — “You kind of have to be in the moment to know.”   You remember what you told him. It still holds true now.   “Someday,” you answer him earnestly. “Someday, when it’s all over, I’ll go on a date with you and then we’ll see what becomes of it.”   “Someday,” Taehyung murmurs after you, mimicking you as it sinks in. “What does that mean?”   A week from now? A month? A year? Ten years?   “When I’m not your bodyguard anymore.” You turn to him again. “When I’m not working under my dad. When you’ve graduated and you’re doing what you want and I’m not holding you back. When I’m more confident in being able to express myself and communicate properly….”   “Someday….” Taehyung repeats it to himself. It takes three seconds — three seconds and a smile comes across his face. “I hope you can keep that promise, dumbo. I can wait a lifetime if I have to.”   //   The pair of you eat dinner together, bantering and chattering. It’s not awkward or difficult like earlier with the weight of his declaration lingering above your heads and an answer caught in your throat, jumbling the rest of your words. Time moves quickly, and he pays like he said he would, opening the door when you leave together — careful and kind in his actions like his hopes still depend on it.   Outside, he holds your hand and you let him without protest.   The promise has been ingrained between the both of you.   “Where are we going now?”   “Back to my place,” he says. “Date’s over, dumbo. You’re just dropping me off my doorstep now.”   “So it was a date, huh? Finally admitting it?”   “Oops.” Taehyung grins. “How’d I do?”   You shrug. “Not bad, I guess. I think I’d have to go on dates with other guys to be able to compare though.”   A laugh squeezes out from him. “Hey! You better keep that someday free. I’m gonna hold you accountable. Even if you’re married with a kid in this ‘someday’, I’m still gonna show up at your door. Just letting you know that. I won’t give up — took you nine years to come back. I can wait another nine if I have to.”   “If you don’t want to, you don’t—”   “I want to,” he interrupts with a sweet smile, and you wonder how he can be so bold, so sure of himself.    It goes quiet and both your steps slow. His hand squeezes yours. The mosaic of lights coming from shops and street lamps casts on his softened features, making him glow. And you don’t think about it. Instincts charge the air. You allow emotions to choose the course of your actions — not logic, not muscle memory, or obligated duty.   You lift yourself and his hand lets go of yours, lifting to cup your cheek. Taehyung’s half-lidded eyes watch your expression and your own lids shut tight. You lean in for a kiss, a gentle press of your mouths against one another.   It’s terrible — noses knocking against each other, you missing his mouth and getting the corner instead, holding your breath for too long and running out of air.   You end up pulling away, gasping with your face hot, murmuring apologies. “S-sorry.”   “Don’t be, dumbo.” Taehyung smiles and this time, he’s the one who leans in. He inhales and kisses you with his mouth slightly parted. It’s plush, timid, but still full of eagerness, and your senses are filled with the scent of lavender, baby lotion, something you didn’t notice in the wake of nervousness.   It lasts ten seconds before it breaks apart. “There. That’s how you do it.”   Kim Taehyung reaches down to hold your hand, grinning to himself. He swings his arm back and forth, excited with a bounce in his step. You’re the one following him now. “Man, this someday’s gonna be great.”   You laugh and he savours the sound.

[eclectic-aussie]

Random Thoughts #15

Well damn, that was a heavy episode. I kind of regret stumbling on tumblr before watching the episode because the ending was spoiled but at the same time it gave me time to brace myself for it, though my hearts still sore at the betrayal even if Bellamy thinks it’s like chipping Madi: done for the greater good.

But after seeing the promo for next week I’m also regretting not waiting until all the episodes aired so I could binge watch them BECAUSE GOD DAMN IT, I WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT AND I WANT TO KNOW NOW!! Which is only the second time I’ve really felt that way all season, the first after last weeks episode when Clarke came back.

I can’t help but wonder at a few possibilities that might come up; the Conductor accused Bellamy of selfish obsessive love (though honestly I’d say that’s more his girlfriend than him, but not the point) and Bellamy past insecurities and self doubt/loathing makes him blind to the good he’s done (he convinced Madi to spare the prisoners and bring them with them on the Eligius, put the Flame in Madi to try and make a peace treaty with the Eligius which became moot after Murphy accidentally on purpose put McCreary in charge just to name 2)

But what I think may come up is that while the Conductor decided Bellamy’s love is selfish, they’re going to be probing Clarke’s mind against her will (there’s a word for that, and I can’t help but think that’s going to come up later when Bellamy becomes himself again) and they’re going to realise that Clarke loves selflessly to the point where she will sacrifice her life over and over again for others she barely knows. She has taken on the pain and loss, breaking herself over and over again to protect her people. Even Roan mentioned it in season 4 when he and Bellamy were taking the Hydrozene to Raven at Becca’s lab when Bellamy scoffed at Roan for only caring about his people and Roan pointed out that Bellamy was no different and everyone was looking out for themselves (PAUSE) except maybe Clarke.

Some predictions and questions I have after this week’s episode, and seeing the promos, for the fun of it and I want to get them out:

1.Becho will break-up. It’s something I’ve said since last season, but remember a week ago when Echo was going to genocide Bardo in Bellamy’s name? Remember in the promo Echo telling Bellamy he’s ‘lost himself?’ And how Bellamy is now a member of the cult that Echo tried to massacre? You really don’t think Cadogan’s going to give the body count to Bellamy when he asks why they’re locked up? I think we’ll get a scene where Bellamy ends their relationship with Echo maybe even telling her that it took the almost genocide to realise that he had wanted so badly that who she was on the Ring was who she really was, but her actions on Bardo showed she hadn’t really changed and that she still chose to make the same mistakes as before Praimfaya but now for Spacekru instead of Azgeda. Probably ending with Raven telling Echo that it was just the brainwashing and they’ll be back together when he’s better and other things of that nature which are coddling (like how both women are treated in the show. Sorry, couldn’t resist) and unlikely. I think it will probably come after the scene where Bellamy gives Cadogan the picture of his family and he burns it to prove his detachment from personal ties. Then again he’s a sociopath so…

2.Clarke will be tortured in the M-Cap machine. Yes, we all know this will happen because of the promo, and also in the promo is the fact that Clarke is fighting it; evidenced by the black blood streaming down each side of her face as the points dig into her skull. We also know Bellamy is there watching her being tortured and as far as we know doing nothing to stop it besides probably telling her to just co-operate. I know everyone is hoping this will be where Bellamy hears the radio calls, but I don’t think that’s what’s going to happen. Now hear me out: Clarke is in that chair because Cadogan wants all info he can get about the Flame and who might have more info about it, do you really think he’s just going to stand there with his newest recruit, who he believes is the key to controlling Clarke, while her memories of her love of Bellamy possibly work to undo his indoctrination? No, I think Cadogan will use Bellamy to establish a neural link and then when he realises the threat Clarke poses to keeping Bellamy as his disciple, he’ll send him away, possibly to talk to his other friends and try to ‘reason’ with them. I also think this would be a wonderful time to have Clarke relive Echo trying to kill her ‘to avenge Bellamy’ while Raven and Shaw watch and Madi orders her down using a Heda order (not that Cadogan will know that), because it will show a previous ‘kill to avenge Bellamy’ moment that will solidify Bellamy’s belief that his break-up with Echo was the right choice, but it would also work in Cadogan’s favour of ‘selfless love over selfish love’ and the danger of personal attachments, especially if he was looking for her more recent attempt to ‘avenge Bellamy’ and just happened to stumble upon it.He’s nothing if not an opportunist.

Once he’s gone the real torture will begin while Cadogan works to get the info by any means necessary. Cadogan is a narcissistic sociopath, do you really think he’ll take any risk that Clarke will reach Bellamy? I think they’ll damn near liquify her brain and then she’ll be kept apart from her people so they don’t cause a fuss. (possibly next episode) I think then Levitt will find out how hard they pushed Clarke and when he tells Octavia and she begs him to check on her, he finds Clarke in pretty rough shape. When he tells Octavia and brings Bellamy at her request, taking him away from his tour, she then confronts Bellamy who doesn’t believe her. Then Levitt shows him the footage of Clarke being tortured which she tried to resist by remembering the radio calls as a kind of block for anything outside that purview until they push too hard and she falls unconscious. Bellamy sees her being tortured and the calls and the cracks start to deepen and the indoctrination starts to fail. I know a lot of people want Bellamy there while she’s actually tortured, but I honestly don’t think that kind of betrayal of trust and basic human rights can be forgiven (by Clarke or Bellamy forgiving himself cause he’d despise himself if that did happen) and forgotten in 4-5 episodes to the degree it will need to for them to pass the test and end up together (unless they do a ‘6 years later’ where they’re married and 5 year old sibling for Madi with another on the way, but even then). I also think he’ll stay as a ‘faithful disciple’ even as he’s pulled by both sides internally until he has more info either way and will be there when point 5 below happens.

3.Tied to above: is it safe to hook Clarke up to that thing cause like time I checked, in canon it’s only been a week since Clarke was having seizures and almost died from sharing her brain for too long with Josephine which she was warned would lead to neural degradation then death, so can she actually survive the procedure?

4.I would be so happy if they have Jordan do a ‘Monty Green stopping Bellamy, Gaia and Indra in the fighting pits’ call-back by having Jordan burst in while they’re torturing Clarke with the news that Cadogan the narcissist translated the message wrong...which didn’t end so great for Becca when she presented another option other than leaving Earth. Though honestly, I don’t think it would happen next episode, maybe the one after or at least not expanded upon too much while they’re being watched.

5. I think it’s a possibility that when they do break Clarke, the info they get will be so vague that they’ll be flummoxed by it, but Bellamy will know what it means and his final decision will be made. It will just be Madi’s drawings of Clarke as ‘Wanheda’ and the Anomaly stone, my little Nightblood in Trig, and maybe one of two little things that will mean little to the Bardoans out of context and everything to Bellamy. He’d go straight to the others, maybe grabbing Levitt on the way. The other wont trust him because it’s such an about face but Bellamy will tell them about the torture (which Octavia didn’t tell them about to keep them from getting hurt trying to protect her) reminding them that Clarke was not the last person to have the Flame, that Madi was. Raven tentatively admits that Madi had been drawing pictures from her dreams that Gaia and Clarke might be from the Flame. They need to get to Madi first (and even the dead Flame might have some info) before Cadogan gets a chance to and stop Cadogan from torturing Madi like he’s done to Clarke. It’s eventually agreed that Bellamy will distract Cadogan while Levitt and Gabriel get Clarke and the others steal enough uniforms so they can get to Sanctum with their minds intact.

6.So Levitt stopped reading Octavia’s memories during the City of Light, right? And the Conductor was spouting that the Shephard message of ‘selfless love’? Who wants to bet that Cadogan gets more than a little threatened when he starts seeing not only Clarke in the City of Light itself (Imagine them starting with being tortured by her mind controlled mother, then ‘Her friends are her weakness. Start with Bellamy Blake.’, her mother being controlled to hang herself and Clarke not giving in  and Bellamy and Murphy bursting in and Clarke becoming a temporary Nightblood  and her conversations with Jasper, Becca and ALIE, even if we only see snippets or them mentioning in as an aside to rush it along, it would be heavy hitting under the circumstances), but also the lead-up and aftermath of Praimfaya, and more specifically Clarke’s place in it? The Shephard is revered for ‘saving his people from the fire’, well Bellamy shut the door and took his people to space to save them from Praimfaya while Clarke stayed behind ON THE SURFACE OF THE PLANET in order to align the dish manually to save them. The Shephard conquered the Mountain? Bellamy and Clarke defeated the Mountain who had been kidnapping the Grounder to either use as blood bags or turning them into mindless cannibals, and tortured teenagers to death for their bone marrow even after they said they’d donate it willingly. The Shephard went on a pilgrimage for 3 months with provisions to do the aforementioned conquering of the mountain? Clarke Mother F’ing Griffin survived the 2nd Apocalypse that burnt up 96% of the Earth’s surface and not only did she survive, she managed to find the 4% or at least a large chunk on it and lived there alone with only her adoptive daughter and broken radio for company for 6 YEARS! A lot of Cadogan’s mythos and legend is his own self-aggrandizing and twisting circumstances to fit his narrative of ‘I am the one true Prophet and Saviour who will lead us into the Last War for all Mankind’, Clarke’s is from her own actions, deeds and self-sacrifice.

Because while the Bardoans may are quick to spout out the credence of “the few for the many” how many of them have actually had to back that up? And both Bellamy and Clarke have, on multiple occasions. Remember Clarke and Bellamy’s little chat with Roan before the City of Light? About how ALIE didn’t give a damn what clan you were from, she wanted to get EVERYONE? Octavia knew about it, but Clarke was there when she and Bellamy convinced Roan. And also “Are you really willing to trust that guy with your life?” “No. But you’ll be covering us the entire time, and I trust you.” Not to mention him holding her hand when she got the Flame implanted and him trusting her when she said that taking ALIE’s chip was the right choice.

Huh, the end of season 3 had a heck of Bellarke, didn’t it 😉

7.I think when Cadogan finds out that Clarke has a mind-drive in her head he’s going to be veeery interested in cutting her neck open and becoming the Shephard for all eternity. Am I wrong?

8.I’m calling it now; the final test (given by a manifestation of Becca since she’s connected to all of them and the Anomaly stone) will be between Bellamy and Clarke, Cadogan and Sheidheda. It will be straight forward and/or easy to cheat until there is trick situation where their actions, not their words, show their true beliefs and goals. Maybe showing someone they loved in the past or present (Callie and Reese, whoever Sheidheda may care for, Clarke or Bellamy being trapped and there only being time to save the other or to ‘win’)

[coppermarigolds]

TLOU, nuance in storytelling, and authorial intent

Recently, massive spoilers for The Last of Us II leaked online, including actual cutscene clips. Being a complete spoiler fiend, I immediately went and looked them up, and I am......frustrated. 

I’m not going to discuss any of the actual specific spoiler content, but I am going to talk about my general reactions, particularly in comparison to the first game, both as a fan and as a writer/aspiring novelist. This could still be considered mildly spoilery, so I’ll put it under a cut.

The plot of the first TLOU game isn’t exactly groundbreaking--it could actually be called pretty basic, and yet it’s had a huge emotional impact on plenty of people, myself included. I never really stopped to think about why exactly that was until the spoilers for the second game were leaked. Certainly the slow, realistic build-up of the relationship between Joel and Ellie, and the excellent performances by the actors, were major factors. But looking back on the first game now, in comparison to what I’ve seen of the second game, I think there was another aspect at play: when the chips were down, the first game trusted the audience and didn’t try to tell us what to think or feel. 

Yes, there were some scenes in the first game that could be considered over the top tear-jerking or basically just there to be misery porn, but I’m thinking specifically of the whole endgame sequence and the decisions made by Joel, the protagonist. In that sequence, Naughty Dog did something remarkable: they presented a complex, morally complicated situation and let the audience draw their own conclusions. TLOU has been out for seven years, yet to this day, whenever I see discussion about it, there’s inevitably a debate about the ending and what Joel did. Is he an unredeemable monster? Is he a hero that did nothing wrong? Is he somewhere in between? I’ve seen opinions all along the spectrum, and the amazing thing is that you can convincingly argue any of them. Both sides have valid positions, and the beauty of it is that Naughty Dog didn’t tip their hand either way as to what they consider the “correct” interpretation. They left it completely open to each individual player.

Most mainstream media doesn’t do that. Many writers spoonfeed what they want the audience to take away from the story. These characters are good; these ones are bad. These actions/beliefs are the right ones; these over here are the wrong ones. If you like or endorse this particular opinion, you’re right and good; if you endorse that one, you’re bad and wrong. 

In some ways, we as human beings crave this black-and-white storytelling. We want our own feelings and opinions to be validated by the media we consume; it’s just human nature. We want to be told we’re good and right for this value or belief that we hold, or this choice that we would make if we were in the characters’ shoes. 

But at the end of TLOU, Naughty Dog didn’t do that. When I finished the game for the first time, I felt deeply unsettled. There was no tidy resolution, no absolution, no assurance that the choices made were the right ones and that things would be okay. That’s not to say it was an unsatisfying ending--I would actually venture to say it was a pretty perfect ending for the story that was being told. It wasn’t comfortable, but it was right. 

(Important side note: that’s not to say that stories with comfortable, happy endings are somehow inferior or not worthwhile. I love and cherish stories that make me feel good, and I think they’re just as necessary as stories with uncomfortable, ambiguous endings. This particular story just happens to be one of the latter.)

So why is it such a big deal that Naughty Dog let players form their own interpretations and opinions of the first game’s characters and story? For some people, it may not be. We all want different things from our stories, and that’s fine. But for me, it’s significant because if there’s one thing that immediately, viscerally pulls me out of a narrative, it’s the sensation that the writer is trying to manipulate me. I crave nuance in stories. I want protagonists with flaws and antagonists with complex, understandable, even relatable motivations. Themes and messages in stories are fine--encouraged, even--but not at the expense of character and story. As soon as I get the sense that the author is trying to beat me over the head with an opinion (even if it’s an opinion I agree with), I start to check out. 

Don’t dictate to me what you think I should feel. Show me the characters and their motivations and choices, and let me decide what I feel. And definitely don’t pull cheap stunts like doing awful things to the characters for pure shock value or just to make the audience wallow in anger and misery.

That’s the thing about the TLOU 2 spoilers. Instead of continuing on with the organic, complicated, nuanced story of the first game, it feels like Naughty Dog picked a side. It feels like they’re trying to tell a portion of their audience, “No, what you feel about these characters and situations is wrong. THIS is the right thing to feel.” It feels like they threw a bucket of water on the shades of gray in the first game in favor of making things black and white in the second. Maybe to an extent, that’s inevitable for a sequel. But it feels like Naughty Dog didn’t even try to avoid it. They could have taken the sequel in any direction they wanted, but they picked the one most likely to cause dissent and anger and anguish among people who connected to the story and characters of the first game. 

(Another side note: I’m not talking about the “dissent” of the vile neckbeard fanboys who are all over Twitter and YouTube spewing their homophobia/transphobia/misogyny. Their opinions aren’t worth a second of anyone’s time. I’m talking solely about story and character issues.)

I knew TLOU 2 would be a story with dark, painful, even disturbing elements just like the first game was. But what I hoped for was a story that would allow Joel and Ellie to continue to grow through the darkness and come out stronger, both as individuals and in their surrogate father/daughter relationship. My fear was that Naughty Dog would take the lazy, easy route of provoking a reaction from the audience by using our attachment to the characters as a weapon against us. And unfortunately it appears that’s exactly what they’ve done. 

Of course, they’re well within their rights to tell this story. They own the IP and they can do whatever they want with it. There’s all sorts of stuff that could be debated about relationships between creators and consumers, whether one party “owes” the other anything, or issues about the balancing act between telling the story you want to tell, and telling one that other people will pay you for. All of that is beyond the scope of this already ridiculously long post. But I do think it’s worth asking why they wanted to tell this particular story, and why they wanted to tell it this way. Neil Druckmann has talked about how the themes of TLOU 2 will center around hate and the cyclical nature of vengeance, etc. And I mean.......that’s not exactly super groundbreaking stuff. Is it necessary to go as over-the-top as possible to tell a story with a pretty basic message? It feels like there’s something more at play here. 

Anyway.

Am I jumping the gun? Maybe. In the aftermath of the leaks, Naughty Dog is insisting that we don’t know the whole story, yadda yadda. I’m sure there’s some truth to that. Context is important. Still, the leaks weren’t just vague hints of what might happen, like spoilers so often are. These were actual video clips taken directly from the game. And it would take a looooot of context to make me okay with what I saw in the clips. Enough that I’m definitely not buying the game the day it comes out, like I originally planned to. I’ll probably watch an LP and then decide whether or not to play the game myself. 

If there’s a silver lining to all this, it’s that these issues are helping solidify what I want to accomplish in my own stories that I hope will be published one day:

Subtlety is key. 

Don’t let the theme of your story overpower the characters.

Make your characters and situations as nuanced as possible.

Write what you want, but don’t toy with your audience. They aren’t playthings for your amusement. 

Except for horrible bigoted entitled dudebros, because screw them.

[bloodraven55]

Gaslighting as a Form of Abuse in RWBY

With another comic focussing on an abuse victim having just been released today in the form of Weiss’ issue of the DC comic series, I want to tackle another analysis post in the hopes of bringing some more understanding surrounding emotional abuse to this fandom because in some parts it seems to be sorely needed.

There are a couple of points I’d like to address in this post, the first being the identity of the person speaking to Weiss during the sections set post-V3 in the comic. Most people assume it to be Jacques, but some also think it might be Willow. I can understand both arguments, and I’m not totally decided myself yet on which I think it is.

On the one hand, the type of abuse seems more subtle and manipulative compared to Jacques’ usual direct and aggressive approach, and we’re never actually shown who’s talking, which could suggest Weiss’ mother. But on the other hand the only thing we know about Willow is that she drinks to excess and fights with Jacques a lot so there isn’t really any basis to assume she would be manipulative towards Weiss, and the tone of the dialogue does fit Jacques’ sleazy and condescendingly pleasant demeanour that he assumes when he’s pretending to be nice to Weiss like in V4, so it would also make a lot of sense for it to be him.

For the purposes of this article I’m simply going to refer to them as Weiss’ parent to avoid any confusion and prevent me having to change it later if we get more information or I form a concrete stance on who it is. Their identity doesn’t impact the content of the post at all so it seemed the most logical solution.

With that covered, let’s move on to the main thing I want to talk about, which is the parallels between the way that Weiss’ parent gaslights her in the comic and the way that Adam gaslights Blake multiple times throughout the show but primarily in his Character Short.

“You are not the first Schnee in history to suffer disappointment, and this behaviour is really rather excessive…”

“Blake, I'm sorry. I told you it was an accident.”

This first part is representative of the main principle of gaslighting, which is to undermine the other person’s judgement and make them doubt their own ability to think rationally so that they’ll act the way you want them to.

Weiss’ parent diminishes her suffering by claiming it’s no worse than what other people have been through before—an interesting reference to the quote in the White Trailer which directly contradicts it by stating that “everyone is entitled to their own sorrow, for the heart has no metrics or forms of measure”—to invalidate Weiss’ pain.

Adam downplays the importance of innocents being killed on his missions by framing them as mere “accidents” to make Blake seem paranoid and foolish for being concerned by them and prefaces it with an insincere apology so that she’ll immediately feel bad because she thinks she’s hurt his feelings.

These both show the abuser using the way they talk to make it seem like the victim is totally detached from reality and as though their point of view on the situation must be false, leaving the abuser’s way of seeing things as the only correct option.

“Weiss, I just… don’t understand why you’re behaving this way. You act as though you’ve been kidnapped or imprisoned, and that is simply not what happened.”

“I don't know. I'm out there fighting for us, and when you fight, people get hurt.”

This is a continuation of the first part, further cementing the supposed “irrational” nature of the victim’s behaviour and showcasing the abuser moulding the scenario so that they’re never the one in the wrong.

Weiss’ parent feigns confusion and disbelief at the fact that Weiss is upset at being dragged away from her school and friends against her will, insisting that she isn’t being forced to stay and outright denying the validity of Weiss’ perception of what happened.

Adam dismisses Blake’s concerns at the deaths he’s caused by shifting the blame away from himself, falsely presenting the loss of life as an inevitability of fighting, and placing himself as the victim who’s having his heroism questioned.

In both cases the abuser warps reality to make themself seem as though they’re in the right so that the victim will stop trusting their own perception of events and come to believe that their abuser is right.

“It is natural to be unhappy to leave Beacon Academy, but friends come and go, and go more often as they get older… but family is forever.” / “And if you did have to leave those radicals, those ‘friends’ behind, well… all the better.”

“What, do you want me to just abandon our cause? Like your parents?”

This part ties into another major aspect of emotional abuse which is isolating the victim from their support network of friends and/or family so that they have nowhere else to go and no one else to rely on. However, it is also another example of gaslighting as it involves making those close to the victim appear like the bad guys in order to push the victim away from the people who might try to help them and further into the abuser’s control.

Weiss’ parent describes Weiss’ friends as “radicals�� and mocks her bond with them, saying that it was good for Weiss to leave them and reminding her that she’s alone now without them, even spinning it to sound like they never cared about Weiss at all in the first place and as though her family—a.k.a. them—are the only people she can trust.

Adam deliberately brings up Blake’s parents, which he knows is a vulnerable topic for her, to remind her that they’re “traitors” and brand her a traitor too by association, reinforcing the idea that he is the only one she has left.

I suspect that this is the aspect of gaslighting that most people have the least trouble identifying since it basically amounts to guilt-tripping and even the majority of people without much knowledge of emotional abuse are aware of how that works.

“Weiss, sweetheart, please, don’t sulk!” / “Weiss, I love you, but you are really quite overreacting to the whole thing.”

“I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought them up. I just get scared when it feels like you don't believe in me anymore.”

This part I think is what blinds a lot of people to the fact that emotional abuse and manipulation is happening. And that’s because the abuser offers what might appear to be a sincere expression of affection or a genuine apology, when in reality it’s simply a way of convincing the victim that everything that they’re going through is for their own good and that their abuser has their best interests at heart.

Weiss’ parent calls her “sweetheart” and tells Weiss they love her, while in the same breath solidifying the idea that her behaviour is unwarranted and undermining her grievances.

Adam apologises for mentioning Blake’s parents after the damage is already done, while in the same breath making Blake feel guilty for being worried that he’s killing people and making it her job to reassure him instead of the other way around. He deliberately blows what she says out of proportion so that he can pretend to feel hurt in order to illicit sympathy from her.

The veneer of niceness that the abuser uses to hide the way they double down on their manipulation is what makes this facet of abuse hard to spot and can lead other people as well as the victim into thinking that the abuser is right because they seem to be being honest, when in reality it’s all part of how they manage to deceive their victim as well as sometimes serving the added purpose of further isolating the victim from their support network as the people close to them will often side with the abuser here.

“At a certain point, you have to take responsibility for your role in all of this. If you choose to continue in this way, Weiss, then we will have no choice but to keep you here. And you’ll have only yourself to answer to.”

“Why did you have to come into my life and ruin everything?!” / “… but not before you’ve suffered for your betrayal, my love.” / “I wouldn’t have to be doing this if you’d just behave.”

And this final part is a clear example of the end goal of emotional abuse, which is to make the victim think that everything bad that happens is their fault. This is achieved by distorting their perception of reality via gaslighting, as we’ve already covered, so that they trust their abuser’s judgement before their own and will believe it when they’re told that they’re the one to blame for the harm that the abuser causes.

Weiss’ parent makes it Weiss’ fault that she’s not okay with being confined within her own house in a relentlessly unpleasant environment and puts the blame for it on Weiss while claiming to have “no choice” but to inflict pain on her.

Adam places responsibility for the results of his own actions—a.k.a. Blake leaving him, his losing power in the White Fang, etc.—on Blake instead of himself and insists that if she doesn’t “behave” then he has no option but to punish her.

When people in this fandom blame Weiss and Blake to any extent whatsoever for the actions of their abusers, they’re doing the same thing as Weiss’ parent and Adam do here. It’s victim blaming pure and simple, and y’all who are still saying that Weiss deserved to be “disciplined” by Jacques and denying Adam’s abuse of Blake need to just stop.

If you’re interested in reading some of my sources, then here’s a list:

How to Recognize Gaslighting and Get Help

11 Warning Signs of Gaslighting

What is gaslighting? And how do you know if it's happening to you?

You’re Not Going Crazy: 15 Signs You’re a Victim of Gaslighting

[fmdjaewonarchive]

► ‘our songs’ audition.

date(s): 20 july 2020 mentions of: jiah, ash, andy & sooyeon (all briefly namedropped) word count: 1617 warnings: n/a details: jaewon decides to audition for ‘our songs’ and somehow, manages to already stress himself out before the show has even begun. he also covers ‘q’ by onewe (note: the original version of the song features hwasa but this stage was my main reference point for this)

it’s not that jaewon has been putting this off but that’s exactly what he has been doing. which, truly, is stupid. he’s the one that decided he wanted to sign himself up from this, it’s one of the very few things in his idol schedule that he gets to weigh in on.

unlike his own music these days.

oh right, that’s why he’s been so stressed about this. dimensions entertainment had kickstarted his 2020 with a big fuck you and the announcement that they’d be taking away his creative freedom for something that would hopefully be more… lucrative than his own work. and their strategy had been proven effective, the sheer commercial success of fiancé has been a thorn in his side, a constant mocking reminder that maybe, jaewon doesn’t know shit about making music after all.

it has also only solidified dimensions position meaning that truly, jaewon could write any creative freedom apart from the odd co-writing jobs for unity and songs he featured on goodbye.

until our songs came along.

sure, the company hasn’t said it in that many words, nowhere has jaewon actually gotten the confirmation that maybe, if he does well on this, they’ll consider letting him weigh in on his own solo work again. but hey, there surely is no harm in taking some initiative right?

-----------------------------------------

which circles right back to where jaewon is right now, in the home studio of his and soo’s apartment at some awfully late hour at night -because apparently his brain does not function during common office hours- to sit down and record this video for once and for all.

(for the 5th time this week but really, who is keeping count).

jaewon is glad he’s in a space so familiar to him as his own home, it takes away just a little bit of the stress and if he tries hard enough, he might even be able to forget just how much he has riding on this already, a pressure that for some forsaken reason he’s put on this all by himself.

he turns on the camera before leaning back into the office chair. it might look relaxed almost but anyone that knows jaewon also knows that the pen he’s twirling in his left hand is to keep the nerves at bay. luckily enough he can pass it off as a means of concentration for now.

the questions are displayed on the monitor of his computer in such way that jaewon can read them without having to make an obvious effort to lean forward. he has no answers written down but truly, he has mulled over these questions for so long by now that there is no need for that anyway. jaewon knows what he wants to say and he knows himself well enough that he can’t truly rehearse those words without sounding stiff and insincere.

“what inspires me to write songs?” he allows a brief silence to settle, a light frown on his face. “i’m not the best with words, not when i have to say them at least. i’ve always had struggles communicating, i just kinda… froze up. writing has helped a lot with that, it’s made it easier for me to put my feelings into words and to get messages across i wouldn’t have been able to get past my lips otherwise. i’ve written songs about difficult subjects in the past and hearing back from people that those resonate with them has really been keeping me motivated to keep pushing the bar further for myself, even if it’s a little hard sometimes.”

“what is my favorite song that i worked on... that’s kinda impossible to answer. i’ve been very fortunate to release quite some music already and to work with a lot of really talented artists. they’re all very different songs too so it’s hard to compare them so i don’t think there is really one ultimate favorite. if i had to name a few though-” he let his voice trail off for a second. “i collab earlier this year on we don’t talk together, i really enjoyed that song and working on that, i think it turned out well. oh and i got to feature and work on jiah-sunbaenim’s easy which has been released recently. i don’t get to take too much credit for that one though, taeyong-sunbaenim worked on that too.” his free hand moved to rest under his chin. “if i’m thinking about my solo work though i’d probably have to say am 4.44 and rebirth, both from my biorhythm album.” jaewon didn’t know if it was necessary to name what album they were from, especially since he hadn’t gotten to write a single word on love language but it would have to do for now. “i think those two are kinda a package deal for me? am 4.44 is about a pretty low point in my life, just mentally and all and rebirth is kind of the process of recovery from that.”

“songwriters i look up to? i worked with a lot of people and they all brought their own strengths to the table, all of those experiences have been very useful and incredibly pleasant.” he nods absent-mindedly. “i’d say i look up andy-sunbaenim, i got to work with him twice, on both bermuda triangle and on his latest album, i really like his style, i feel like it’s a bit different from my own but i do think they go well together. i also admire sooyeon from wish a lot, she’s very talented at a very young age. she balances both wish’ style and her own very well i think, i have a lot of respect for that.”

“my goals as a songwriter? i think to continue to grow till i can hold my ground by myself amongst other songwriters. i’ve learned a lot from all the people i already worked like i said before but i don’t think i’m near their level yet. i want to reach the point where i can continuously put out high-quality songs for other artists. like, i know my own sound and songs that work well for me but i think the real skill is being able to write well for someone other people. i want to be able to do that someday.”

“what do i hope to achieve by participating on this show?” to tell dimensions to go fuck themselves, jaewon thinks bitterly. but he can’t say that, not now he’s supposed to be all camera friendly. “i want to prove myself. towards other people on the one hand of course, you know, get my name out there and show everything i’ve learned up until this point, show that i know what i’m doing.” and yes, of course, other people in this case could just as easily be replaced with dimensions entertainment but there was no hard evidence for that. not like anyone was aware of jaewon challenging his label, not even dimensions itself. “but also to prove myself towards me. i’ve been writing for a while now, mostly when i felt like it or when i had an idea stuck in my head. i want to push those boundaries, to write specific themes within specific timeframes instead of just on a whim. i think that’s an important step i have to take for myself.” jaewon nods firmly. if he didn’t know himself so well he could believe it looks confident even.

-----------------------------------------

after he pauses the recording, the first thing jaewon does is roll his shoulders and let out a deep sigh. he’s definitely not an interview person he can’t help but think to himself, at least the worst part is over now.he takes a sip from the water bottle on his desk, letting his eyes fall shut for a second as he leans against his seat. just a brief moment of recovery before he forces himself back into action.

the interview might have been the worst part but he still has a cover to record.

first he gets up to retrieve the electric guitar they keep in their home studio, getting it plugged in and getting the microphone all set up, before pulling up the audio file from his desktop and hitting record on his camera.

there are some changes to the original song. after all, onewe is a band and q is not a rap song but jaewon toyed around with audio some, emphasizing on electronics of the backing track rather than the instruments. he has taken some liberties on expanding on the rap parts in the verses and together with the monotone, repetitive chorus it makes it sound so much more like a laidback hiphop song rather than the band song it was before.

another big change is made to the bridge. jaewon has taken out the vocals at the beginning of the instead opting to extend the guitar solo that follows. which is where the electric guitar on his lap comes in. admittedly, it’s a risky choice because while jaewon doesn’t have to worry about hitting notes he can’t reach, he also isn’t as gifted of a guitar player as he pretends to be.  it works though, maybe it’s because he’s been practicing this particular riff until he could barely move his fingers and he has to admit, it sounds pretty good.

he finishes recording, switching the camera off nearly immediately after and then spends another hour rewatching both videos -the interview and the song cover- fixated on finding a fatal flaw, any reason to tank this whole idea and just not send in his audition for the show.

he doesn’t find it.

so instead he sends it in before finally calling it a night.

 here goes nothing.

[venus-says]

Futari wa Precure Episodes 01-26

Am I rewatching precure? I can't believe this!

Yes, this is not a fever dream, I'm really rewatching precure, and not just Futari wa but THE WHOLE FRANCHISE. Am I crazy? Yes, because I'm already watching too much stuff at the same time and I barely have time for that as of right now, but I love screwing myself over so here we are!

I can't really remember the exact thing that sprung this desire of rewatching precure on me, but I've been thinking about it for quite some time now, at least since I wrapped up on the Aikatsu marathon before On Parade started, in fact, one of the reasons I started doing the old Kamen Rider reviews was because of this. I just didn't start it earlier because I'm the kind of crazy that picked a calendar, looked at the dates, and made the calcs, and realized I could watch pretty much everything in one year so I decided to keep this "project" for 2020 and start the new decade with a bang.

So this is how it'll go: I'll be dividing each season into quarters and pretty much covering one season per month with posts coming out weekly every Wednesday, the only exceptions for this rule are Futari wa and Yes! since these are the only seasons with sequels so instead of dividing into quarters I'll divide them in half and watch two seasons in a month rather than just one. Also, different from Kamen Rider's case, since I'm more familiar with the franchise and I know how the movies go I'll also be watching the movies and posting about them as I go along (All stars movies will come out usually in between the first and the second week, while solo movies will be in between the third and the forth). I really hope I don't go nuts and that this can go as smoothly as possible. XD In any case, it's precure time!

I promised myself I'd keep nostalgia out of these rewatches and do them like if it was my first time watching the series so that I can be less biased on certain aspects, but when it comes to the OGs is really difficult to not have my thoughts clouded by it. I may not have been around since Precure first aired, but Futari wa was effectively my first precure season too, I joined this bandwagon when Heartcatch was airing and I was so in love that I wanted to watch the past seasons and Futari was was my first choice and it holds a very special place in my heart because of that. I tried my best to keep those feelings out of this review and in some cases I was able to it effectively while on others not so much so, I apologize for that. XD

I usually try to separate these reviews on blocks of Plot, Characters, Designs, and commentary on specific episodes and I'm gonna try to apply this structure here more or less.

Talking about the plot... there's not a lot of it. XD

Like yeah, there's the whole Dark Kingdom attacking the Garden of Light thing, and the sort of scavenger hunt for the Prism Stones (not the Pretty Rhythm ones, just to be clear) and all of that, but there's not a whole lot going on beside it, is just Nagisa and Honoka goofing around while their friendship solidifies, they sometimes bump heads but that's pretty much it. And honestly, that's not bad, as while isn't a story about Nagisa and Fujipi the more slice-of-life portions are amazing.

The cure portion that is the problem, to start the action in these 26 episodes isn't the greatest, most of the time is just the cures being thrown away until they get fed up, say "I'll never forgive you!", hold hands, and they throw either a Marble Screw or, in rare occasions, a Rainbow Therapy. Of course, special fights with generals sometimes get a little more flare, but in general, they're pretty lackluster. Also, it feels like things weren't paced properly with the beginning and the end happening very fast and the middle being overly long in comparison. And of course, there's the element of defeating a villain or a set villains while there's still half a season ahead which means change of villains for people who we never knew existed before and apparently were a big deal, and if you read my Kamen Rider review you know how I feel about huge changes affecting the antagonists...

But oh well, I have lots of things to get through so I won't hammer on this for too long. MOVING ON.

Futari wa's biggest strength, at least for this first half, is CHARACTERS. The side cast has many hits or misses, but the protagonists Nagisa and Honoka more than compensate for it. One fun thing of this whole experience was kinda re-discovering them? Because I never watched the OG precure and Max Heart again after my first time watching like 10 years ago and I also don't have the best memory so I forgot a lot of minor things, like how Nagisa is such a downer in regards to their mission, and how positive and bright Honoka is and these are traits that are kinda opposites to their personalities with Nagisa being more outgoing and energetic and Honoka being more calm and polite, and this is so perfect and so much fun, I love it to that. Speaking of surprises I forgot how much of a savage Honoka was, like, the girl put a group of thieves on the line by just yelling at them. THAT'S THE DEFINITION OF POWER.

Unfortunately, they don't come alone. Their fairy partners, Mepple and Mipple, are... annoying. Mipple not so much, she has moments where I go "Really queen?" but for the most part she doesn't bother me, in fact, I'm sympathetic towards her who has to be partnered romantically with such a piece of crap of a male that Mepple is. I don't know why but I completely forgot the jerk that Mepple actually is and let me tell you, it wasn't fun seeing him being misogynist, selfish, and just plain rude, not just to Nagisa regularly but also with Mepple, it's actually very sad. I don't remember if he gets any better in the future, but for now, I'm hating him.

The side characters aren't very special, the girls in the Lacrosse Team and the Science Club are more or less just extensions and supporters or Nagisa and Honoka but I overall like them. The major highlights in terms of side characters are Akane and Fujipi. Akane is a huge positive because she has great energy, she's very fun, and he not only provides a meeting point for the girls but also has a mentor role, though its a very little one, that is great to see. Fujimura on the other hand... I admit, the dude is okay, he never really did anything relevant so there's nothing to hate on him per se, but he's a love interest and his situation with Nagisa never develops on any sort of way is just a very flat experience which makes his relevance even smaller so I can't help but think "what is he still doing here, just disappear with him already" every time he's up on the screen.

There's no other way to put this, the villains are plane as hell. Some of them have good designs but overall, they're very band. Pissard seems like it could've been a cool dude but we spent only 5 episodes with him, that's not enough time with him to make him interesting. Gekidrago is the boring and stereotypical "dumb villain", I think I don't need to write anything else after that. Irukubo is the stoic powerful villain, but much like in Pissard's case, we barely see him in action so it's not enough to make me care for him, and the Dark King is just a horrible CGI blob of darkness. The best villains of this first half are the siblings Poisony and Kiriya, Poisony is actually the best one of the generals seeing that she's a strategist and most of her plans were all pretty good so she was always able to get the cures corned in some way, she may have flunked her cover in that episode where she disguises as Honoka for not doing her research well before assuming the role, but overall she's amazing. Kiriya is the villain that never attacked the cures directly, as far as I remember he never summoned a Zakkenna, and putting it like this may sound like a bad thing, but trust me, it's not. He's the first precure villain to get a "redemption" and as rushed as it was his presence in the story and his arc as a character was also pretty well done so he deserves to share the podium with his sister as best villains.

Since we're talking about villains let's talk about the cures now. Black and White have a very simple design and that's not a bad thing, they're simple but they're still pretty different from each other and it's not a difference that screams to the eyes like id there was something wrong, they complement each other perfectly which only helps in making them this iconic duo that they are. The transformation items, as well as the Prism Hopeish and that notepad thingy, are very 2000's but they have their charm. I think the thing that didn't age very well were the effects for the transformations and the attacks, don't get me wrong I love their original transformation, there's a frame on it that is just marvelous, but watching with 2020's eyes there are parts that feel very wonky. Following the theme, the attacks have a very simple animation but in this case, it works because they can make some very interesting stuff with it, like launching a Marble Screw through Poisony's Umbra Witch hair.

Going into more detail on the episodes, these 26 ones feel like a normal seasonal anime, despite the pacing problems if these 26 episodes were a single season it would've worked well because there was no loose end lost in the mix, maybe the Fujipi stuff would be the only thing that would end with no proper closure, but then again that's not important so it would be a satisfying end. There were four major arcs inside this mini-season so I'll comment on them separately.

The first and shortest arc is the introductory arc that goes from Episodes 1 to 5. And there's not a lot to say here, they introduce the characters, the mission, and the character relations on a good way, there was nothing stellar but it's a good introduction to the series, the only let down is the fighting portion that is very lackluster, in special the final fight against Pissard that was supposed to be a big important moment but that in the end was just very not impressive at all.

The second arc goes from Episode 6 to 11. This is probably the most boring arc of all despite some interesting happening here, we have the introduction to the Prism Stones and the Prism Hopeish, they first use the Rainbow Therapy here, and we also have the famous arc where Nagisa and Honoka fight for the first time and tighten their bonds. These are all interesting points but the set-up for these things to happen weren't the best, like for example Nagisa and Honoka's fight, I always remembered this as a very important moment, AND IT IS, the lesson learned at the end is pretty good and it results on them calling each other for their first name which is a key moment, but all of that happened because of Nagisa's feelings for Fujipi and all that misunderstanding and ughhh that's such a boring reason to make them fight, it was really a letdown. I think after everything the thing that stroke me the most was Honoka's birthday episode and how badass she was for putting some sense into the head of three adult men, which was really magnificent. Also, the first proper fight happened in this arc in the final battle against Gekidrago, it was short but it was good nonetheless.

The biggest arc is the third one that goes from Episodes 12 to 21. This is my favorite arc and a big part of it is because Poisony and Kiriya start to get active here. I don't know how to explain but their addition to the cast made things more dynamic and interesting to watch. Poisony's plans always led to interesting situations like when she hypnotized their classmates that were playing dress-up as the cures, or when she trapped them inside that mirror dimension, or even her last moments in the show where she used that old trick of impersonating someone and making the protagonist having to choose who's the real and who's the fake one, you know even if the precure portions weren't the best, they were put in the most interesting situations in this arc. Together with that, we have Kiriya that goes through a very interesting arc, until now I don't really know why he infiltrated in the school since, as I mentioned, he never acted directly as a villain against the precure (not as far as I can remember) but his interactions with the crew and especially his relationship with Honoka was quite interesting to see it develop. My high points from this arc were episode 18, the one where a girl confesses her feelings for Kiriya - there's a lot of interesting stuff happening here, and episode 20, Poisony's defeat and one of the best fights of this portion of the season. My low point would be episode 19 more because Mepple is being a jerk here than anything else, but I didn't enjoy this episode as much as I did to the other in this arc.

The final arc of this portion is another small one, it covers episodes 22 to 26, and this one is very odd. We start with a filler centered around Honoka's dog of all things that are followed by two two-parters that wrap-up this first half. I'm gonna be honest I don't like this arc, one because it introduces Pollun and two because the "final" fight is very unimpressive, yeah Shining Star debuts here and is a big moment but overall isn't the best, which is understandable after all are two girls launching a beam at a giant dark blob of CGI and there's not a whole lot there, but its fun to see a preview of what will become the Extreme Luminario in the next season. I also don't like how they didn't let the episode finish on a downer note with both of the girls missing their partners and such. But oh well, at least we had Episodes 23 and 24 here there were very interesting, they had this mystery/horror film vibe to it and I loved it.

And that's pretty much all I had to say! Thank you for reading all of this mess, I really appreciate it, I'm very excited to be doing this and I hope I can count with your support through this year. What are your thoughts on Futari wa? Let me know in the comments. I'll see you, folks, on a next time, and don't forget, if you ever see a shooting star be careful with what you wish for, a cellphone thing may fall from the sky right on your head and unless if you're an anime girl you will be in risk of having a concussion. XD In any case, see you around. o/

[keeperoftheboys]

Broken Crystals || Part 4 Kylo Ren X Female Reader

Part One, Part Two Part Three

Story Summary: (Set Before the Force Awakens). Supreme Leader Snoke has arranged s marriage between Kylo and the Princess of a rich outer planet.  The Princess could be a dangerous threat to Kylo.

Warnings: Death, Violence, Blood 

“Are you sure?” 

“Positive.”

Ben was sitting on the foot of my bed. Running his hand through his hair. I could see his reflection in the mirror. He was handsome when we were alone and he let the weight of the first order fall off his shoulders. I was preparing for the gala after training when he barged into my room, dripping wet from his own shower. 

“But you haven’t spoken to him about it.” He grew impatient. His voice dropping lower. 

“No, But I know what he’ll say.” 

“But-”

I groaned, slamming my mascara on the counter, “Kylo, I gave you the answer already. Please stop asking me.” 

“But you want one, yes?” 

“My stars Ben, Honestly.” I felt him tense at the use of his birth name. “You’re usually not this talkative, why are you pushing this so hard?” 

“Why aren't you pushing this?” 

“It’s suspicious, that's why. Why would I ask my father for a kyber crystal? 

“We can’t continue training if you don’t have a saber.” 

“So I will learn to use the force and not a saber, how is that a bad thing.” 

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. And Hux walked in. I had grown accustomed to the lack of knocking on this base. “Oh, hello Ren.” 

“General.” 

Kylo watched him curiously as I stepped out of the bathroom, still in my robe. Hux quickly adverted his eyes. I was covered but hardly. Ben had seen me this way before. I pretended not to see Hux's eyes travel down my body.  “My apologies Princess, I didn’t realize this was a bad time.” 

“It’s okay General, Kylo and I were just talking. What did you need?” 

I just wanted to remind you that your cruiser leaves to party in one hour. Kylo, it's good you’re here. The Supreme Leader would like to speak with us. It seems as if the Princess will be completing this mission solo.” 

Kylo shot up. “Solo? She can’t go alone.” 

“Oh, I cant? Why is that Kylo?” I pointed my makeup brush at him as if it was a weapon. 

“The Supreme Leader would like to meet with us now. Princess, your escort will be here soon, it’s best you get dressed.” 

The two men left me alone to finish getting ready. I looked back at where Ben had been sitting upset I’d have to go alone. When did I begin to like his company? His presence. 

_______________________________________________________________________

The throne room was cold. It always felt cold. Maybe to distract the mind keep it unfocused. Hux and Kylo stood in its dark expanse. One glowering the other head lifted with pride. 

“And the union with the girl, it's been solidified?” 

“Most likely Supreme Leader.” Hux nodded curtly, hands clasped behind his back. 

“Most likely?”

Hux sneered, “She has to choose Kylo Ren.” 

“Choice! You’ve given her a choice?” The room shook with Snoke’s anger. Kylo took a deep breath in. 

“We were not instructed to take her as a prisoner, Supreme Leader. She is a Princess, she must be treated fairly. If we were to treat her like some prisoner I suspect it would look bad and the resistance would rise to meet that action.” 

The supreme leader turned to Kylo, surprise written across his face. “Dark Prince, do you have feelings for her?” 

“I never said that. I am telling you why we have given her a choice. Although, I am quite positive she will choose me.” 

The Supreme Leader laughed, inhaling slowly and looking down at Kylo. “You can’t hide your ambitions from me nor can you hide hers. You know this.” 

“Yes, Supreme Leader.” 

“Well, make sure that she chooses you, whatever the cost.” 

“Yes, Supreme Leader.” 

With that, Snoke disappeared and Hux turned to look at Kylo. A dark smile across his face. “Do you have feelings for her?” 

Kylo turned abruptly stomping out of the throne room. “No.” 

_______________________________________________________________________

The party was in full swing when I arrived. Senators and Royalty mingling and mixing with each other seeing what kind of deals they could strike up.  I had truly loved these types of parties;  mingling with the elites of other planets and systems to secure deals had been a strong suit of mine, one my father had been rather proud of. I had selected a deep red dress for the occasion. The color of Kylo’s lightsaber. There was virtually no back to the dress and it drew attention from everyone. A server passed by me, handing me a champagne flute of some sparkling drink. 

“Y/N!” A voice called out among the crowd.

I turned and smiled at the young woman running towards me. “My goodness, Mae I’ve missed you!” We came together in a hug her strong arms wrapped around me like an animal starved for attention. Mae was a life-long friend; her mother was a Senator and worked closely with my father. Mae was a pilot and a great one at that. 

“How long has it been?” 

“Too long!” She giggled. “My mother says you’ve been off on some political mission for three months and that it's highly secretive.” 

“Now where did she get this information.” 

“Who knows! People love to spread rumors in the Senate, you know how it is. But really, you’re so pale, it's like you haven't seen or felt the sun in a month.” 

“Sometimes it feels like that! Truthfully, I’ve just been on a tour of the system! I needed to getaway. Its the anniversary of my sister's death soon so I wanted to spend some time solo. Figure out what happens when I take the crown.” 

“I’ll find out if you’re lying to me, you know that right?” 

“I know Mae.” 

“Well I’m off for now, there was a Senators daughter giving me the eyes earlier, I think I’ll go introduce myself.” 

“Have fun.” I laughed shaking my head at her. 

With that, I headed to the bar. The best place to listen in on conversations. A long row of men and women leaned against its surface. Asking for drinks or speaking in hushed tones. I looked around at my pool of people none of them looked particularly exciting that is, all but one. A young man with dark curly hair and an ill-fitting suit. He looked uncomfortable. Like he didn’t quite fit in. I finished my drink and made my way over to him. He was handsome, and tanned and had a cocky smile stretched across his face as soon as he noticed me. 

“Hello.” I smiled, “Could I buy you a drink.” 

“Does royalty usually offer to buy someone lower than them a drink or is that just you?” 

“I’m just nice.” I smiled. “So what will it be?” 

“You pick.” 

I turned to the bartender, “Two Yub Nubs please.” My new friend laughed, leaning back against the bar. 

“Nice choice. What’s your name?” 

“Y/N. What’s yours?” 

He hesitated, for a moment his dark brown eyes darting around the room. 

“Mike.” 

“Mike?” 

“Yes, Mike.” 

“Why are you using a fake name, Mike?” 

“I’m not. My mother, rest her soul, named me Mike. ” Just then the bartender set our drinks down and I exchanged credits with him. 

“Would you like to go for a walk, Mike. You seem uncomfortable in this room.” 

“You seem to think you know a lot about me, Princess.” 

“I don’t, it’s just an observation!” 

Mike, or whatever his real name was, downed his drink and tapped the bottom of my glass. “Bottoms up, if you want to go for a walk you’ve got to finish that.” I shrugged, downing my glass and following him outside to the gardens. We wandered past an opulent fountain and I used my force ability to peer into my companion’s mind. 

‘Stupid rich people. There’s a war to win and they’re here with these parties and fountains. They don’t give a damn about the resistance. Hopefully, this Princess has some good connections.” 

Idiot. I thought. Of course, he would give away secrets so easily, at least unknowingly. He stopped, reaching up to grab his head. 

“You alright?” 

“Yeah, I just, have a headache, it must be from the drinks.” 

“Why don't we sit down and talk.” 

We came to a bench and sat down. He leaned in close pointing up at the sky. It seemed like the stars glimmered in response to him. I could smell him, a mix of cologne and engine grease. His hand had a few faint scars. 

He turned to me, lowering his voice, “Have you spent much time in the stars?” 

“More than I would like. I’m not a big space fan.” 

“What! You don’t like space?” 

“I come from a beautiful planet. I like the sun and the feeling of wind on my skin and grass under my feet.” 

“I suppose that's all nice. Nothing beats the feeling of flying though.” 

“Whatever you say.” It was quiet for a moment. Just the two of us enjoying each other’s company. I smoothed out my dress. Letting my hand gently brush his as I set it on the bench. “Can I ask you something?”

“Shoot.” 

“Why are you lying to me about your name?” 

“I’m not.” 

“Please. You can’t honestly think I, a Princess, haven’t been taught how to lie and detect liars?”

“My name is Mike and I’m a senators son, a new senator, you’ve probably never heard of him.” 

“Sure, I’ve never met a senator's son who is also a pilot that smells like engine grease and has the scars on his hands to prove he works in engine bays and not senate meetings.” 

“What are you some sort of detective? Fine, you want the truth I’ll tell you the truth.” 

“I’m here looking for people to join the resistance. I was hoping you could help me. My names Poe.” 

“Figures you would be out here with the best pilot in the resistance.” Mae made her way around the fountain a smile plastered to her face. “You always got the boys growing up.”

“Hello Mae” Poe and I greeted In unison. 

“So? Are you going to join us? Join the resistance? Convince your father to help out the cause.” 

“I don’t know, you know he likes to stay neutral.” 

“You can’t be neutral in a war like this.” 

“I know but,-“ 

“Hello, Princess.” 

We were interrupted by a male voice behind us. Mae reached for her blaster but was stopped almost immediately grabbing her neck gasping for breath. 

“Mae! Are you okay?” 

I turned to find James, the ‘Senator’ from my first day on the star destroyer with his arm outstretched, fingers pinched. 

“What are you doing!” 

“Taking out the enemy Princess, we are the First Order, not the Resistance. You’re talking with the best pilots the resistance. We should destroy them while we have the chance.” 

I stood anger turning in my chest, “Let her go.” Mae collapsed her knees hitting the ground hard. Poe was at her side trying fruitlessly to help her.

“Poe, tell the others” she choked out. “Leave me.” 

He turned betrayal in his eyes before he ran. 

“Let. Her. Go.” I spat. 

The senator laughed. A horrifying chuckle. “For the First Order, Princess.” 

I reached out. Centering my breathing and used the force to push the man backward. “Let her go.” Mae’s head rolled forward. I began to choke the man. Stepping forward and pushing against the fountain’s edge. I squeezed tighter as Mae grew limp. I could feel her life force slowing, leaving her body.

“LET. HER. GO!”

 The man shook his head no. With no air to talk. I reached my other hand up and used the force to pull the top of the fountain from the base. The water shook at the force the concrete and metal statue cracking and groaning. The man smiled closing his fingers. Mae fell to the floor lifeless. I felt blind at that moment, blind with rage. I took the top of the statue and pulled it through the man's chest blood splattering across my face as the tip of the fountain burst through his lungs. He looked down surprised.

“The dark side is strong with this one Ren.” 

I turned to find Kylo behind me with windswept hair and wild eyes, saber ignited at his side. He had run here from somewhere. I turned back to the man and pulled the rest of the statue through his body he fell to the floor in a heap. 

“Mae.” I scrambled over to her but Kylo stopped me before I could reach her. Easily pulling me into his chest.

“We need to leave.” 

“I’m not leaving her.” 

“Yes, you are.” 

I struggled to get out of his grasp, shoving against his chest. Kylo let me go, and I made my way to Mae’s body, desperate for any sign of life.  “You can’t be here when the resistance finds this. When the Republic finds this. You’ll be tried for murder.” 

“He killed her! Bastard! He knew you, without your mask, he’s seen your face. Only the highest have seen you without your mask. Who was he?” 

“I don’t know. I’ve never seen him before. We need to go, Y/N.” 

“No.” 

Kylo took a deep breath. “Please.” 

“I can’t leave her.” 

“You have to.” He reached down and grabbed me as people began to pour outside. Someone had alerted them to the madness. 

“Ben, no.” 

“I’m sorry.” He roughly pulled me behind him and we ran, fleeing the scene and clambering into a light shuttle. I  Slumped into a seat wiping tears from my eyes as  Ben powered up the vehicle and prepped it for a jump. “It will be okay. We’re going to figure this out.” 

“Why were you here?” 

He didn’t answer his tightening his fingers around the wheel. “Hold on.” I rolled my eyes, and he took off pressing a few buttons and sending us flying through space at light speed. After a few seconds, we stopped closing in on a green and blue planet.

“Ben.” 

“I felt you, you were scared. I was on the planet making sure you were safe and I felt your fear. Are you okay?” 

“NO! One of my friends just died.”

He turned, using his thumb to wipe the blood off my face. “I’m sorry, I was too slow.” 

I pulled away from him. “What are you doing?” 

“Saving you.” 

Tagged List: @cas-backwards-tie

[tanjamikaelson]

LOVE FOR ETERNITY - PART 61

MASTERLIST

PART 61: | NEW DAY, NEW DRAMA |

- We all know that he didn’t kill Mikael to help us against Dahlia.” Natali stated as she and Kol entered their club.

 - “Obviously. He was nowhere to be found before we went to the church.” Kol says.

 - “Guys, what happened?” Sonia asks them when she saw that they came back.

 - “Nothing. We are defeated.” Natali replied, “Can you believe it?”

 - “Is she everything Freya told you she is?” Sonia asked,

 - “Yeah, pretty much.” Kol says, “She was telling the truth.”

 - “Dahlia is so powerful. I got a taste of her power.” Natali told them, “Never felt anything like that.”

⚜ ✡ ⚜ ✡ ⚜ ✡

A day after Mikael was killed Freya came to Fangtasia just right after she saw Rebekah and Elijah. The only two people she can now fully trust to take her side were Kol and Natali.

 - “Elijah and Rebekah are defending Klaus, now I know that the two of you will never take his side.” Freya spoke, “I gave them a chance to choose between him and me, but I don’t know if they’ll make the right choice.”

 - “So I think this means that Elijah still doesn’t know about Klaus’ plans with Hayley and the pack.” Natali says.

 - “He surely wouldn’t be on his side if he knew..” Kol stated.

 - “Knew what?” Freya asked.

 - “Klaus compelled Hayley to marry Jackson so that wolfs can control their powers and then he had plans to take over the pack, but I ruined that for him.” Natali tells her, “Yesterday I showed Hayley what he wants from her and how he wanted to get it.”

 - “So she needs to tell Elijah that.” Freya says.

 - Natali nods, “Oh, she will.”

⚜ ✡ ⚜ ✡ ⚜ ✡

Klaus is in his art room at the compound, where he is furiously painting an abstract piece. He had covered a large canvas in dark red, gold and green/brown paint, which has a mottled appearance. Elijah enters the room to find him absorbed in his artwork and seem appalled at his behavior.

 - Elijah sighs, “You do understand there is no time?”

Klaus looks back at Elijah and glares at him before going back to his artwork.

 - “Niklaus, if Mikael’s ashes are the key to ending Dahlia, then surely you must see the need to share their whereabouts?” Elijah asks him.

Klaus doesn’t even turn around, he simply continues painting.

 - “I see nothing of the sort.” Klaus replies.

 - “It is no secret that you often strategize while painting. I assume you have a plan, here.” Elijah stated.

 - “You ask that I share my strategies so you can run straight to Freya and bring her into the circle of trust? I think not.” Klaus told him.

 - “Freya told me to choose between her and you.” Elijah says.

 - Klaus looks at him and raises his eyebrow, “And who did you choose?”

 - “I’ll not choose between you two.” Elijah replied, “You need to trust us and her.”

 - “I would love to, Elijah, but you have not been the same since mother got inside your head.” Klaus told him.

 - Elijah looks hurt, “Then trust Freya.” he says.

 - “How can we trust someone we don’t even know?” Klaus questioned, “Your judgment is not what it was. You are not what you were! The Elijah I know would never have clung so desperately to the word of a duplicitous stranger telling him what he wants to hear!”

 - Elijah sighs, “Freya is our blood, brother. She has every reason to want Dahlia's demise! We have no cause to distrust her!”

 - “Which is a far cry from being trustworthy! She vanquished Finn, yes, but it seems to me like she had everything planned.” Klaus told him.

 - “Niklaus, if we cannot trust one another, we can't work together.” Elijah says.

 - Klaus sighs and returns to his painting, “No, we cannot.”

Elijah frowns at him, clearly frustrated with his attitude and hurt by his distrust of him, before he leaves the room and goes downstairs where he sees Natali and Kol entering the courtyard.

 - “We just wanted to look for you, brother.” Kol says.

 - “Why do you need me?” Elijah asked them.

 - “Freya came to us saying that you defended Klaus’ actions.” Natali told him.

 - “Yes, and she told me to choose between two of them.” Elijah says.

 - “We know.” Natali tells him, “And I think that Hayley can help you make that decision quicker.”

 - “What does Hayley has to do with this?” Elijah questioned.

 - Kol smiles, “I‘m sure she will tell you what Klaus did the moment she sees you.”

 - Natali nods, “Yeah, go and talk to her. And when you finish we’ll be waiting for you at Fangtasia.”

⚜ ✡ ⚜ ✡ ⚜ ✡

A little while later Elijah came to the Fangtasia after talking with Hayley. Now he knew everything he needs to know, enough not to trust Klaus.

Kol was feeding on human and Natali was sitting at the bar drinking bloody mary, when they’ve noticed that Elijah entered the room.

 - “You were right about Niklaus.” Elijah spoke.

 - “And when we weren’t right about him?” Kol remarks.

 - “Now that Hayley told you everything you need to know, I hope that you’ll work with us and Freya against Dahlia because Klaus obviously has his own plans.” Natali told him.

 - “You don’t think he will go against Dahlia on his own?” Elijah asked.

 - “I don’t even think he wants to defeat her. It doesn’t concern him.” Natal says.

 - “He doesn’t want to give us Mikael’s ashes.” Elijah told them.

 - “The only plan he could have is to work with Dahlia.” Kol said, “So I think that it would be best if we dagger him”

 - “And this was your plan all along.” Elijah stated knowingly.

 - Kol smirks, “You don’t want him to hurt Hayley or her pack and we don’t want him ruining our plans.”

Elijah looked like he was hesitant about daggering Klaus.

 - “Come on, Elijah.” Natali says to him and holds out her hand in which she had a golden dagger.

 - Kol sighs in frustration, “I can’t believe this, you never hesitated to help him dagger me.”

 - “Okay, you two are right.” Elijah finally says and take the dagger, “I’ll do this tonight.”

 - “Excellent.” Natali says and both Kol and she smile devilishly.

⚜ ✡ ⚜ ✡ ⚜ ✡

When Hayley told Elijah how Klaus compelled her to marry Jackson he was very angry and he had a talk with him.

 - “What are you planning?” Elijah asked him.

 - “I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about.” Klaus replies.

 - “Jackson marries Hayley in our home, solidifying his rule over the wolves you yourself once sought to control. Talk to me.” Elijah tells him, “I know you’re planning something.”

Elijah didn't want to tell Klaus right away that he knows about him compelling Hayley and planning to take over the pack. He wanted him to confess it himself.

 - “I don’t know where are you going with this.” Klaus tells him, “Let Jackson have Hayley. Although, he isn't exactly fit to lead an army, so his reign will be short-lived.”

 - “Niklaus, you cannot honestly believe that I would allow you to harm Jackson.” Elijah told him.

 - “He's not one of us, Elijah!” Klaus exclaimed, “He's mortal. Mortals perish. It's amusing listening to you defend the man who married the woman you love. But then, you've always coveted that which is not yours to have.”

 - “Nikalus, I’m warning you-” Elijah said, but Klaus cuts him off, “You're even now forcing yourself to deny you want Jackson dead just as much as I do. In fact, I think you want it more.”

 - “I know you compelled Hayley to marry him, she told me.” Elijah says.

Klaus goes to walk away, but Elijah grabs him roughly by the arm and stops him, “That’s why Hayley isn’t at the compound anymore, not because you sent them to train like you said.” Elijah tells him, “She turned the whole pack against you and you know it.”

 - Klaus didn’t say anything else but this, “Confide in me, brother - how do you feel when you see Hayley look at him?”

 - “Let me make myself quite clear, Niklaus - so long as Jackson brings even an inkling of joy into Hayley's life, you are not to go near him.” Elijah tells him, “And enough with your games Niklaus, now it’s time for you to stand with us.”

 - “If by “us” you mean you and Freya, then I will not be standing with you.” Klaus told him.

 - “Niklaus, Freya is our family. If you cannot see the greater picture here-” Elijah says, but he was interrupted by Klaus, “The choice remains yours brother, Freya or me.”

They glare at each other before Klaus realizes that Elijah won’t choose him. He just smiles at him and starts walking towards the exit of the room, but as he was passing by Elijah, he grabbed him and suddenly the only thing Klaus could feel was a pain in his chest as Elijah stabbed a dagger into his heart. Klaus is so taken off-guard by this move that he has no time to fight back as the dagger begins to desiccate him. As Klaus falls to his knees and becomes weaker, Freya and Rebekah walk into the room and watch him with blank expressions. Once Klaus is fully neutralized, his body laying gray and mottled on the floor, Elijah, Freya and Rebekah each look at each other nervously. As Elijah walks out onto the balcony, looking horrified by what he's just done.

⚜ ✡ ⚜ ✡ ⚜ ✡

MASTERLIST

Tags: @mikaelsonsmagic   @p3nny4urth0ught5   @cute-freak27   @ias-born  @superhalsteads  @characterobsessed   @hinata7346   @luiza-4-ever  @huntress1428

[tarashima]

Hi this is not meant as hate but what is it exactly that yiu liek about Revolver/ryoken? He's basically as bad as yami marik in dm the way he treated Ghost Girl

His good looks. 

Okay but in all seriousness random anon, there are a lot of reasons why I like Revolver as much as I do, but I would like to address your statement about Yami Malik, which I can only assume is about his duel with Mai? Since you mention Ghost Girl’s duel with Revolver? Because if it is, I would say that the difference between those duels is like night and day. 

Yami Malik’s only goal is to create as much darkness and chaos he possibly can, for the sake of fun (remember he has the mindset of a really angry and psychotic ten-year-old). His duel with Mai was his first chance at being as sadistic as he wanted, and he went full out. He kept degrading her throughout the duel, manipulated her, took away her memories, tortured her without giving her any chance of escaping and was more than willing to kill her off permanently. All because it amused him. 

Now, what does Revolver do to Ghost Girl? 

dorky idiot

He duels her just like he duels everyone; calculating and ruthless. He’s always several steps ahead and fools his opponent into thinking they have the upper hand before crushing them completely unless the opponent thinks several steps ahead as well. Nothing more and nothing less. 

Ghost Girl does end up losing with not so pleasant consequences, but she did have a fair chance to escape the situation throughout the whole duel. All she had to do was win (and without being too biased, Revolver would definitely have kept his promise and let her go, she probably wouldn’t have been able to do much about the data she found anyway). And while she was aware of what a loss meant, she also knew that unless Revolver was stopped it wouldn’t have been permanent. I.e. there was still a chance for her to come back. If Revolver hadn’t been stopped… well, she would’ve been a victim amongst so many others, and it wouldn’t have been anything personal against her. 

Mai? Not so much. Had Yami Malik not been hindered by Jounouchi and Yami, she would’ve been gone for real and Yami Malik made it perfectly clear. Everything he does is to be as cruel towards her as possible. It’s true that she as well had a fair chance of escaping by winning, but throughout the duel, it just got harder and harder to see the possibility of it, especially with all the mental and physical torment that happened around her. And it certainly doesn’t help that she still was on the brink of dying for real afterwards.

The only thing really that Mai and Ghost Girl have in common is that they didn’t have much of a choice in whether they could decline their duels or not. But when Mai gets the worst treatment I’ve ever seen any YGO-girl get in this franchise (until proven otherwise by the spinoffs, I’m gonna go with that statement), Ghost Girl is treated like any other duelist. Revolver looks down on her abilities true, but he looks down on anyone who isn’t Playmaker. And Ghost Girl wouldn’t have been in that situation at all if she hadn’t been snooping around and Revolver caught her doing so (she couldn’t really know what she would find so it’s not like she can be blamed).

Now, I’m not using that as excuses for Revolver’s crimes and actions. But it’s unfair to compare him to Yami Malik when he, while still wrong, has a detailed plan to execute for the sake of humanity’s future. It’s basically “chaos for fun” vs. “the end justifies the means”, and that’s not even close to being the same thing. 

This post is already long enough so I’ll try to keep it shorter to why I like Revolver/Ryouken, especially since I’ve reblogged a lot of posts already about him. 

Short answer: He intrigues me. 

Longer answer: I would like to follow a statement that Revolver is one of the most complex characters Vrains have, and that complexity attracts me in many ways. 

Guilt is definitely the word that describes Ryouken the best, but not because he’s guilty of crimes, but rather what came out of his childhood. He’s always been his father’s loyal son and was way too young to understand the fault in luring 1 child (and most likely the other 5 as well) for his father’s experiment. He only did was he was being told to do. That is the first tragic seeds to the all too high amount of guilt in the present. Yuusaku believes that Ryouken righted that wrong for him personally by being his voice of hope and show a very compassionate side, but Ryouken certainly doesn’t see it that way. And why would he? He’s the culprit, why would being a comforting voice redeem him in any way? And why would that compassionate side still exist in the present? (hint: it does, he’s just completely convinced it doesn’t and doesn’t recognize when he shows it)

I’m using a more correct translation for this screencap

Reporting the incident to the authorities didn’t help with that guilt either since it only took his father away from him, filling him with even more. A guilt that couldn’t possibly get any worse but still was when Kougami returned in comatose. He turned into his father’s loyal soldier at a way too young age and was completely solidified with all the toxic ideas Kougami had while seemingly not caring about if Kougami was even a good father for him or not. And it’s not like Kougami ever cared.

(IhatehimIhatehimIhatehimIhatehim)

So what would even more guilt matter if he was to commit the worst cybercrime in history? Or rather, wouldn’t the guilt for that be easier to endure than the guilt he has for betraying his father? Wouldn’t the Tower of Hanoi be a great enough thing to right that wrong? Probably not and that makes it even sadder. 

The biggest tragedy though is how everyone in the show except for Yuusaku forgets/doesn’t care that Ryouken is a traumatized victim as well, even Ryouken himself. Making him pay for his crimes by judicial means will never be enough for anyone involved and wouldn’t solve anything either. And Ryouken has to not only realise this himself but also choose a path from the self-destruction all his failures have caused, and if he needs help with it (which he definitely does), Yuusaku is the first in line to save him. Yuusaku lives for that goal, and I share the hopes of it with him. Revolver can be redeemed, and the only thing that can prevent that is time running out (or the writers screwing us all over). 

Ryouken’s journey of guilt tugs at my heartstrings and is a story I want and can invest in because I ultimately wish for something better for him. And while it’s infuriating to see little to no progress, it’s also enough for a kind of slow burn that we hate and love and can’t stop following.

On top of all that guilt and tragedy is a cunning and unpredictable duelist. Now, I’m no expert at the card game (I would def call myself a mediocre duelist at most), but Revolver’s deck is the most exciting and still understandable one for me since Kaiba (I’m still not convinced with any other rival/antagonist in the other spinoffs). And just like Kaiba, he’s still an enjoyable overconfident dork. 

I must confess though that I’ve never been able to take his Sniffer Dragons seriously (I blame Shunsuke-san for that). 

If that wasn’t enough, he’s also an entertaining idiot with overdramatic poses and moves á la JJBA as well as having the stupidest ace card (I’m still angry in a weird enjoyable way about Mirror Force). You can pose him like a JJBA character and make him fit right in, just as much as you can take his poses and apply them to any JJBA character with little to no difference.

yes, very terrifying, or not

This still turned longer than I wanted so for that I’m sorry. And believe me, I can still talk way more about Revolver but others have done it well enough already. 

To sum it up a little, Ryouken/Revolver is a multi-layered character and a very unique antagonist for this franchise, and I enjoy it a LOT! 

And… well… he being handsome as fuck irl doesn’t help either, but that’s for another time.