#and still doesn’t realize this is a circus and they’re all monkeys

[milkcioccolato]

It’s a baby!

The dialogue you get from Lae’zel when getting the gith egg is so stinking sweet, my baby is learning love and tenderness bit by bit and it’s so damn cute🥺😭

[snailsgoingdowntown]

Intrigued With You

I ii iii iiii

Yandere! Pinocchio x Fem! Mechanic! Reader

Warnings: Implied toxic familial relationship, unbalanced power dynamics between the reader and Geppetto, very slight mental breakdown, slowly going into a downwards spiral, paranoia, mentioned past violence and stalking. When the full game comes out, this work may be completely different from the actual game. Please tell me if I missed any.

This blog contains/creates/interacts with dark content.

Minors/blank blogs/blogs that don’t reblog any fan art or fan fiction DNI.

Word count:3096k

Over all story summary: Your uncle’s puppet takes a bit too much of an interest in you: in which you fucked up in this chapter.

==

The public’s opinion of you started to go downhill since then.

It’s been a week, and while most of the citizens won’t throw rocks or stalk you, they still stare – glares that are sharper than a knife, cutting deep into your arteries. You could practically feel the blood oozing out, a puddle forming underneath you as you stood on the stage, heart threating to explode any second now. The crowd just stares, and the puppet next to you cheers. How funny. The damn puppet is offering you more support than the intended audience.

Your foot taps against the wood. Your head throbs and you hold back a scream. You’re a monkey in a circus and they’re throwing peanuts at you.

“Hello everyone. I am here today to introduce a new, and improved, Nanny Puppet, upgraded with new codes and everything.” Your smile is strained, some of the people cheering with others sitting in silence. Seems as though some are genuinely interested and perhaps even excited about the new developments.

Glancing at your uncle who rests behind the curtains to the side, he nods his head.  But most of his attention was on the puppet rather than you. “And it even comes with settings you can adjust yourself at home.”

The Nanny cheers again, robotic, and staticky still. So lifeless, its entire being written on a script. But as you look over the crowd on the wooden stage, head light and heart thumping like thunder, you feel the same. From the way you are standing, to the wave of your hands and your words, is all scripted.

A script written by your uncle.

“Now, come,” you gesture to The Nanny, and it listens, turning its back towards the crowd as you stand next to it. There’s buttons and latches, and you undo them all, with a quick ‘sorry,’ uttered into its ‘ear.’ A habit you picked up from the years of working with your uncle.

And with the rise of malfunctions, part of you thinks it’s for the best. Pretend you’re sorry to them, and maybe when everything goes south, they’ll take pity on you. Paranoia doesn’t look good on you, you realize, showing the audience the off switch, the lights in its eyes dimming as it turns off. This wasn’t a new feature.

But the kill switch is.

“As you can see, the power switch is still enabled, even in these new models. So, don’t worry about that, but!” you bring out a control panel from your waistcoat pocket. It’s small enough to fit in your hand, and on the black surface lies a red button, a little glass cap covering it. To prevent any accidental touches. You grip it a little too hard.

“This right here is a kill switch. Now, I’m not going to press it,” your thumb rubs circles over the cap. You can’t find it in you to force another smile, mentally and physically drained from everything. “But the moment you press it, the puppet will immediately shut down… but it won’t turn on again, either.”

There’s some ‘ooo’s’ and ‘awe’s,’ but the silence of the rest is what puts you on edge. They’re most likely the protesters. You wouldn’t be surprised if this stage would set fire any minute now. You shudder at the thought. Another glance at your uncle – he nods, again.

But his eyes are still mostly focused on the puppet. You can’t tell if it is in interest, hope, or disappointment. Just like how you can’t tell if there’s still warmth in his eyes when he looks at you.

“How does it work?”

You blink, off guard. A woman raised her hand, curious eyes drilling into you. You prepared yourself for this, practicing in front of a mirror for hours on end. You got this. You need to. You might fall apart otherwise.

“So, essentially, it – “

“Or, how about you don’t make them at all? The puppets, I mean.” A man speaks up, hat hiding his gaze, but you feel the hatred and frustration radiating off him in waves. You prepared yourself for this too. But reality still sends you reeling back mentally, the thought of rocks being thrown, or stage set on fire. At least he pretends to be respectful, even with his group frowning at you.

Your body trembles the slightest bit.

“Oh – um… I understand where you come from. It’s… it can be difficult to see use in the puppets, but they’re mostly here for when you can’t do something or need extra help…” you can’t tell if you’re lying to him or saying the truth – it’s all part of the script. And truthfully, you agree with him.

You just keep your mouth shut on the matter.

“They’re taking our jobs, you know? Oh wait, you probably don’t – you’re well-off, producing and selling these… things.” The same man shakes his head before pushing others out of his way – he stops just shy of an inch before the stage. “You don’t have to worry about them stealing your job. For now, at least.”

He adjusts his hat, and the contempt in his eyes is so heavy you’re on the verge of drowning. You swallow. You do know, you do, but it’s not like you could do anything. You already tried, you tried, but talking doesn’t work and –

“Alright, alright, I think that’s enough for now.” Your uncle comes out, places a hand on your shoulder. It feels more restricting than comforting. “It’s been a rather long day for everyone, hasn’t it? The sun is going down, and dinner time is drawing near. Same place and time tomorrow, as it was yesterday and today.”

Unlike you, he sounds confident. Gentle, but firm, and yet, you’re starting to grow more wary of him than the protesters. You wish you could hurry and pick a side. Money or no money, everything was starting to seem more futile, meaningless. You want to live under a rock.

Live under a rock and become separated from your job. You tap your foot more aggressively, biting your lip once your back is turned to the crowd. Your hands twitch even with the control in your hands.

He doesn’t leave room for debate, guiding you on the shoulder to walk down the stage and to his little personal workshop. The police – puppets, again – prevent anyone from getting close. You weren’t here yesterday; it was just him. Did he go through the same thing? Is that why he’s so calm, so natural about it?

Or was he always like this? Disconnected from everything that did not concern his work, his dreams? His puppet, his –

“… Uncle,” you fiddle with the control in your hands. “Did anyone accompany you yesterday?” You can’t find it in you to look at him. Can’t even talk properly, no matter how hard you try to accept everything, like you should. It’s expected of you. And maybe it is because of that, that you can’t find yourself willing to do so.

“Mm. Howard did. It was a welcomed surprise.” He chuckles low in his throat, adjusting his hat as you make way home. Guilt immediately starts to boil within, your heart squeezing painfully as your throat closes in on itself. “He’s a fine young man indeed.”

“He is, isn’t? Such a nice young man…” you agree, nodding your head, ignoring the gnawing at your chest. You care about him, dreadfully so, to the point it was horribly painful. Which was why you tried to keep him out of your business.

But he was just so stubborn.

“Hm,” he takes a glance at you; eyes shifting from one side to another. You see it but don’t think much of it. But even so, you can’t ignore the lack of warmth in his gaze. “I heard he’s been visiting you more often now. Are you two perhaps…?”

“No! No, it’s not like that. It won’t ever be like that again.” You laugh, shaking your head. You fidget with the control more. You look down at your hands – scars and light burns decorate them like tattoos. No longer as ‘pretty’ as society would like to describe.

The though brings out a laugh.

“It just won’t work out.”

“How come?” He sounds interested, but not in a caring way – it was in a way that made you feel like a test subject. “You were such a great pair. He would have made an excellent son-in-law for your parents.”

You grit your teeth. “Yeah. He would have. But that’s neither here nor there; it’s in the past. And it will forever remain in the past.” Your face feels hot – anger? Shame? Annoyance and irritation jabbing at every corner of your very being, you try your best to remain stoic about the conversation. Even if you subconsciously know he’s taking a jab at you.

Even though he has no reason to.

You were sure of it now – all of the warmth that was inside your uncle was slowly becoming cold. Was he always this type of man? Cold? Disconnected from everything? But surely, there was still some left for you, right?

A faint chuckle. “I apologize – I shouldn’t have brought up the subject. I wasn’t aware that it was still a touchy subject.” His fingers dig into your shoulder before his grip loosens. He pats it twice before fully letting you go, turning his head to smile at you.

You think it was meant to be gentle. “It’s fine. It was my fault for… assuming you had other intentions by bringing it up.” It’s a lie. It wasn’t fine, and you both know that. But it should be okay, because he’s a man you consider to be your uncle, and of course uncle Geppetto always wants what’s best for you. It would crush you if he didn’t.

“Mm, that’s the spirit. Don’t let anything drag you down.” You’re at his personal workshop now, the wind picking up. It’s getting colder. The leaves are starting to fall more and more, flowers wilting as the days go by. Just like you.

“Now then, I hope you take great care of him. I have other business to attend to, but I wanted to make sure you made it back safe and sound.” Your uncle gives you exactly two pats on the back. Adjusting his glasses, he turns to look at you, smiling.

Smiling, smiling, smiling – it’s all he does. It’s what unnerves you the most. It’s what the citizens hate about him. It’s what unarms your family. It’s what feels the most inhuman about him.

“Yes, of course,” you reply, nodding your head. Your fingers start scrapping against the control gently. Foot tapping, you attempt to smile. “I would never harm… it. It is also my project, you know?”

It wasn’t.

“Mm, yes, of course. Thank you for all your hard work.” And with a tilt of his hat, he’s off – you watch his retreating back, the muscles with every movement. You just realized he could easily overpower you.

Your fingers dig harder into the control until you can feel your fingernails digging into your own flesh. You wonder if he would turn against you if you were to abandon this job field.

--

Two hours and forty minutes.

That’s how long you have been tampering with the legion arm – your uncle begged you to stop calling it a mechanical arm – greasing it, tightening the screws, making sure that the fingers curl just like a real hand would. And of course it did – it should, especially since nearly all your paychecks and funds go into this puppet and not your own personal life.

Two hours and forty minutes, plus two months and you’re barely about to be done with this damn thing. You finished two other ones before this, but even then, you might have to ‘fix’ them. Make sure that they’re up to your uncle’s very high standards.

“Fuck… why am I even working on this thing? This is the least of our concerns, not to mention – ow, fuck!” In your hurry to get another type of screwdriver, you pushed over a failed ‘heart’ test dummy. It lands directly on your foot, causing you to drop everything else as you hold it with your trembling hands.

They were doing that more often. “Wow, okay, great. Sure, let’s just let everything fall on you. God, I’m going crazy. I might turn into a menace before the protesters and puppets do.” Running a hand through your hair, you pace back in forth, biting your free thumb.

Every time you enter this godforsaken place, your sanity dwindles bit by bit. “Okay, let’s calm down – my foot isn’t bleeding, I think. I should… I should take a break.” Despite your words, you go back to working – picking up the old ‘heart’ and placing it back on the messy table.

Research papers messily stacked at a corner, puppet parts scattered all over, grease stains on the wood. The table wears scratch marks like medals of honor. Pausing for a moment, you walk to the far-right side of the table, picking up the papers and placing them into a clean square bin on the floor. You kick it to some random corner of the workshop.

The urge to rip them to shreds is, in a way, comforting. If those were gone, how could you continue on? They even had blueprints. Nails dig into your palms at the thoughts. Not harsh enough to draw blood, however.

“Hm, I should clean up… but what’s the point? Everything gets scattered again, uncle moves the parts to the most random of places, Howard ends up losing them… so much to do, such little time.”

Ranting to yourself, you stomp to the table again, picking up the new and ‘official’ heart for the puppet. You remember putting it elsewhere. In a drawer. Safe and sound.

And yet, it was on this stupid, stupid table –

“Are they trying to kill me?” you mumble out, on the verge of pulling out strands of your hair. “Not only that, but the fact I could have been harmed today… he knows they already threw stones at me, why make me appear in public again? Why get on the wooden stage that could easily be consumed by fire?”

Without thinking, you stride over to the puppet sitting on the red plush chair. When you’re shy a few inches from it, you take a moment to admire its beauty – the eyes were closed. Long eyelashes that cast shadows onto pale, freckled ‘skin.’ The carob brown hair still looked as soft as ever, with messy curls that remind you of his hair back when he was younger.

Back when everything was normal. Gentler times where warmth wasn’t forced into honeyed words, when you weren’t so scared of being beaten to death. When everything was fine. Happy.

It was missing the left arm – the legion arm. You cast a glance behind you, spotting the arm on the table. That’s the one he wants to put on for now. The most simple, basic one, no complicated functions, no paint, just metal. You decide to leave it.

Turning to face the puppet again, tilting your head, you really take in its appearance; it has an average body type. Maybe a bit more on the lean side, but aside from the pretty face and missing arm, it looked human. It looked normal.

And that’s what scares you.

“…,” against your better judgement, your hand reaches out. Fingertips graze against the cheeks, feeling how cold and smooth it was. It’s flawless compared to your hand. You pause to see if the puppet will move at your touch. When it doesn’t, you bring your hand up, taking a closer step to it. The hair was soft, fluffy. It didn’t feel fake like it should.

It felt real.

“… I shouldn’t be doing this. Hah. I really am going crazy.” The thread that was holding your sanity together was close to snapping. Again, against your better judgement, you act on impulse. Unbuttoning the white button-down, you feel your heart drop at how… human it looks.

But upon closer inspection, there was a thin line, forming a square across the chest. There was a little screw, the opening to inside of the chest. Huffing, you dig into your overcoat pocket, retrieving the specific screwdriver – your uncle makes you carry it like a lifeline. However, you are not sure if he thought it through – what if someone mugged you?

Your hand hesitates as you hold the screwdriver, hovering by the opening. The ‘heart’ was still in your hands. It starts to beat slowly, almost as if coming to life. “… Uncle might kill me if I mess with his favorite puppet…”

Instead of heeding your own words, you open the chest cavity, placing the screwdriver back into your pocket. You’ve seen it before; hollow, wires connecting with each other and to the sides. There’s a small open space where a human heart would be. You look at the one in your hand before nodding your head.

You were acting rebellious, in a way. And it may very well lead into your downfall, either being killed by a puppet going haywire or by your uncle’s red, blinding rage.

You hesitate before gently putting the ‘heart’ into its assigned area. Connecting the wires to it, patting it, watching as it starts to glow, beating steadily. You did not think twice about your actions. After a second, you close it, screwing it shut before walking serval steps away.

Nothing happens.

“Hah… ha-ha, what was I thinking? I went from zero to a hundred within a few minutes… I should take a few days off. Maybe even a week…” chuckling to yourself, you rub your head. You’re getting a migraine. Much be too much caffeine, that coffee would eventually kill you.

Turning around, you walk away from the puppet, heading towards the door to get some fresh air. To force some sanity back into your head before you scream your lungs out and pull out every single strand of your hair out. The longer you stay here, the worse you become.

Creak.

You stop in your tracks, blood turning cold. No. surely not – your eyes widen when you realize how stupid you are. You were dumb enough to connect the wires to the heart. But! When your uncle did that, this didn’t –

You turn your head around so fast you almost snap your neck. Your heart drops.

It opens its eyes, and the first thing it sees is you.

tag list:

@ijustreblogstuff-i-like @chiofany @quzbea @cute-angi

@nealcaffrey2129 @connorsoddsock

@rositabluemoon

[everchanging-cryptid]

live reacting to The Amazing Digital Circus Pilot because I just realized it came out

it’s all pixelly and then not, neat Ooh, ringmaster’s a fun character, love him

oh, Cain, like the Bible brother maybe?

Time loop?

Lol the flowerpot glitching through the floor

Hostile VR, nice

Haha, no swearing

I would very much like to live in this building

Can relate to Kinger, I too would love to chat with people about an insect collection

The ribbon guy reminds me of Will from the webcomic Nevermore

Blue screening when you need to come up with a list, same

I can’t tell if he’s gonna be a scary character or a funny character, that’s really cool

Why does the moon want to fuck him

Why are you like this

Ooh he’s hiding something yeah

Ok, he does not have control over minds, good to know, and he said “one of the few” so maybe he can’t control other things

Never tell a fae-like entity “I don’t care, just pick anything”

“Whaddya think of: *mouth keysmash*” lol

Pomni, that’s a fun name

“YOU PARASITE!!!” Had me laughing for like 2 minutes straight

Just pop the interrupting people

r u b b e r h o s e a n i m a t i o n b u n n y yeah favorite character material right there

I love how they all just talk over each other but you can still hear what they’re each saying

Assigned “Most Mentally Stable” at mental breakdown

Ooh, I see a bunch of X-ed out faces on the doors, did they get permakilled or something?

The framed artworks make me incredibly happy

Uhoh, Pomni went to the petrified place /reference

Where did you get a centipede???

Ooh that’s not good

he reminds me of a corrupted gem from Steven universe

Ooh that looks painful ouch

Love those broken object physics, beautiful

I love the sense of perspective, when the camera is further back and Pomni looks so isolated

I think Kinger might be the most relatable character tbh

Kaufmo just is not funny is he

God the comedic timing for Jax is PERFECT

RADICAL

Love a good bowling pin joke

Ok I take it back the comedic timing on Kinger is the best I was crying at the perfectly cut scream

Hmm I think poor kiddo Pomni here needs a break to cry

Ooh water cube room I like that

oh that’s terrifying they can just shoot faces at you

Well that’s certainly not Cain

Pfft they rock paper scissors and he won but did the thing anyway

“Oh.” *watches his hands float away*

HIS EYES DID THE CLOCK THING

Can the next person teleported in be a therapist because hot damn have we got some trauma up in here

:o barrel of monkeys! :D

NOOOO THE MONKEYS

Oh door?

Nope nope nope nope nope nope

Oh that’s some backrooms shit right there

Hot damn take a chill pill bro you already got him he’s dead

“This is dumb and weird.” Yeah im gonna quote that forever now thanks

“Ah thank GOD you’re okay, you didn’t experience a game show in there did you?” “Uhhhh… I— What are you talking about?”

Abstracted, like becoming abstract? Becoming just a vague feeling, a mere idea? Ooh that’s some good stuff right there

I too love the sound of a silent moving staircase

Oh this is gonna be fuckin terrifying I see how it is

Musty old computer causes mental breakdown? Interesting

C&A CAIN AND ABEL I FREAKIN CALLED IT YES oh that has some interesting implications now doesn’t it hmm souls trapped in a computer perhaps?

Oh shit it’s the void

I’ll take 5 wacky watches please

ha fourth wall break

oh Pomni is actually broken aren’t they

oh are those all the others who were crossed out

ooh healing spell

Pomni is not okay

analysis on digital eating okay sure

oh that’s an earth shattering ending oh my gosh I feel like I just experienced eldritch enlightenment

Can not wait for more possible episodes! It’s incredible, I highly recommend checking it out! ^^

[princecharmingwinks]

Sterek Fic Rec - January 2021. My goodness can’t believe we are already halfway through the first month of a new year. But here we are! Here’s to another list of recommended fics. Enjoy!

Catch us in the mirror (it looks a lot like love) by Tails89 (1/1 | 4,691 | Mature)

“You’re lucky to have found a mate like Stiles.”

“Mm,” Derek nods, eyes following Stiles back towards the house. The words sink in and he freezes, mind frantically replaying every interaction he’s had with Stiles over the last few days, wondering how they could have possibly given her that impression.

Stiles is- he’s Stiles. He’s funny and smart and kind and— they’re not mates, no matter how much Derek might wish otherwise.

Hear me say I love you by devilscut (1/1 | 5,735 | Explicit)

Derek is finally giving Stiles the 'D' or rather the 'Double D' (Derek's Dick) as he likes to call it and sexing him up real good, like so, so beyond good. Only lately - and he'd never thought he'd say this - Stiles has noticed that it's starting to not be enough. Is their new arrangement purely physical or does it mean more to Derek as well? How can Stiles tell when the wolf isn't talking and he's saying way too much?

just my type by sterekhale (1/1 | 8,884 | Explicit)

After another failed date, Stiles' friend sets him up with her co-worker, who she swears is "his type".

Just Maybe I'll Come Home by spaceprincessem (1/1 | 25,589 | Teen)

“Now remember,” Deaton said as he stood in front of them, “everything that you’re seeing is an illusion. Stiles is the only true thing in there and you need to help him realize that what he is experiencing isn’t real.”

Derek nodded his head, words failing him. He let himself relax back into the fabric, the feel of Scott’s claws making his hair stand on end. For Stiles. He repeated over and over again in his mind, ignoring the ache in his chest, because he definitely did not have time to think about that right now. He could feel Scott’s hesitation, the hammering of the younger alpha’s heart beat making Derek’s head spin.

“Scott!” He barked before he growled in pain as claws met flesh and Derek’s world went black.

of twizzlers and tech support by bleep0bleep (1/1 | 1,161 | General)

WHERE IS THE FIC WHERE STILES CALLS TECH SUPPORT ON HIS FIRST DAY BUT GETS THE MAINLINE FOR JUNIOR VP DEREK HALE AND DEREK JUST IS HELPFUL

AND STILES JUST CALLS BACK

WHENEVER

HE CAN’T PRINT OR WHATEVS. SO DEREK IS LOADING PAPER DOWN ON THE 28TH FLOOR WHEN HE SHOULD BE ON 49TH IN A MEETING WITH HIS SISTERS

Some of us are human by aconitum (sugarandspace) (1/1 |  2,446 | Not Rated)

While researching the newest threat with Stiles, Derek comes across a box under Stiles' bed. The box has the words "open when I'm dead" written on it and for a moment Derek forgets how to breathe.

Not your circus: not your monkey by Jmeelee (1/1 |  2,535 | General)

It started the year Stiles’ mom forced him to perform onstage at the Polish Community Center, and Derek Hale threatened to rip Jackson Whittmore’s throat out with his teeth.

Things You Said Too Quietly by sparkandwolf (thatnerdemilyj) (1/1 | 1,107 | General)

Sometimes, Stiles wouldn’t hear Derek. His mind too focused on the plans being formed, the arguments being yelled, the shouts that weren’t so easily discernible through the background noise of growls and huffs. He’d look around at the pack, trying to focus on one voice, figure out what their next move was, and somehow his eyes always landed on Derek.

Espresso Yourself by fuchs (1/1 |  2,995 | Not Rated)

There’s a clatter and Stiles looks over the girl’s shoulder to find a guy standing behind her. He’s wearing an apron, dark to match the rest of the shop, darker still all down the middle where there’s a coffee stain spreading rapidly. He's staring at Stiles with wide blue-green eyes, and when Stiles meets his gaze he opens his mouth, closes his mouth, and then turns tail and disappears into what Stiles assumes is the kitchen.

Which is a little weird.

It’s not exactly the first time anyone has purposefully avoided him, but Stiles usually knows those people and they usually have a good excuse. This guy? Stiles doesn’t recognise this guy from Adam. Although he certainly wouldn’t mind roleplaying Steve.

A self-indulgent coffeeshop au turned into Laura/Stiles bromance turned into prom fic.

Not Until The Third Date by kaistrex (weishen) (1/1 | 1,149 | General)

Derek knows he must be hallucinating as he stares, bleary-eyed, down at a little fox trying to steal his bag of chips in the middle of the snacks aisle of the grocery store.

“Batman! What's taking so—?”

Derek’s head snaps up to stare at the owner of the voice who's just rounded the end of the aisle, a dark-haired, dark-eyed man pushing a cart towards him.

The man rests his elbows on the handle of his shopping cart, the quirk of a smile lending warmth to eyes not as dark as Derek had first thought. “You must be Derek Hale.”

*

Or in which Stiles has a fox familiar named Batman who likes to meddle.

princecharmingwinks special mentions (the Hale family feels in this fic are incredible!!)

I want to love you, I want to pass it on (I wanna give and give 'til it's all gone) by Gorgeousgreymatter (1/1 |  8,859 | Explicit)

“Good,” Derek murmurs, “because you’re going to do something for me.” The wolf grins, pulls away, and Stiles whines needily because somehow he always ends up being the needy one. Which isn’t fair, at all, but he can’t help it, okay?

“I thought we went over the whole asking questions thing,” Stiles says. “Question marks, Derek. Question marks.”

“Ha ha,” Derek says, nosing into Stiles’s cheek. “Don’t worry, it’s not a hard thing. And you’ll even like it, I promise.”

“Is it a sex thing?” Stiles asks, “because it’s starting to sound like a sex thing.”

And there we have it. Another rec list done. Please remember to leave kudos and comments for our fabulous writers. Writers you make my world a brighter place and I love you! <3 

[redxblueihateloveyou]

A clip of haru and rin popped up on my youtube feed, it was the -haru gets angry- scene of eternal summer (another heated rinharu argument, I couldn't say no XD) and while I was rewatching it, idk why but when haru said "I swim for myself and for my friends" and rin replied "then swim for those friends, and for your own sake!" the expression rin made made me feel like he didn't even consider himself haru's friend or close friend, but still encouraged him to find a dream for haru himself because that's the only way they can swim together again

Haha I can't say no to all the rinharu scenes lol

Idk, I watched it a bit differently. It's definitely not the fact that he didn't consider himself Haru's friend, it's just the fact that Rin thought that he wasn't gonna be enough to make Haru's future a happy one after all the points Haru made in his yelling about 'why he swims'.

It was before the time they confessed that for them both the best team is the one when they're together. So when Haru started with his "I don't swim for this assholes to stare at me and for the records or smth" you can see Rin starting to putting it all together, he was like "okay, what for then?" and Haru goes "I swim for myself and my friends", it's like... Rin knows Nagisa, Makoto and Rei won't go for the national team xD, he can't give him that, and he certainly doesn't have enough self-esteem to think that he alone is enough to inspire him to move forward, when everyone else is not there anymore, he also doesn't know yet, that for Haru being on one team with Rin makes it apriori the best team, nevermind who are the other two aparently, bc they weren't at the point of their relationship yet to admit that at this point, cause hey, insecurity, hey.

Just loving swimming is not enough to make someone want to turn it into profession, just bc it can potentially make you hate it later on. If he doesn't want medals, glory, fame and achievements doesn't excite him, then it's even more complicated. "For friends" is also not an option, bc you can't form a national team yourself. So of course Rin was a bit lost there. Because he didn't really know what to offer him. He couldn't quite go and say "And if it's only me?"

Utsumi said about this scene that for Haru it was the moment he could finally let go and yell his true feelings out, just bc it was Rin (awwww), but for Rin it was the moment he started to think just about what Haru himself really wanted, for the first time hearing his real feelings out loud. Thinking that he should shove his own wishes away to help Haru find himself.

Basically as we know Rin automatically assumed that Haru will go with him "to the world" since like 13, bc he wanted to be with him, so from his own point of view since he didn't know about Haru wanting the same thing, it looks like all this time he pushed him into that (I guess u can say selfishly) bc he finds it hard to "go on without him".

So what Rin was going through during Haru's outburst was partially self-loathing, bc it was the moment that he realized that he put his selfish wish to be with him over Haru's own wishes (which was also to be with him, but that's well.. they love their misunderstandings) and didn't even know what was on his mind all this time.

But then he was also hurt, bc that was also a moment that he realized that there was in fact a possibility that his and Haru's dream might just not be the same one, and that's why "what dream? what future? it's only you who cares about that!" was so painful.

So like... true about the fact that he just wanted to help him, even if it meant things won't work out the way he wanted, that's why he phrased it like that in his talk with Sousuke in Yakusoku like "I'll just show him how it can be" but if he doesn't want this (me), that's okay. and that's what he said in Australia, too, when Haru turned to him already after realizing that he can have that with Rin, Rin said "we can just try it out, that's all" and if you don't like it, then fuck this and that was when Haru stopped feeling pressured and feeling like a circus monkey.

And that's why I find Rin's behavior during Australian trip twice as sweet, bc I don't know how dude was even holding on there, I'm guessing it was extremely hard for him to shove it all away and don't accidentely say smth that will make Haru feel like he owns him smth, you know. That's why he always stopped himself after "I've always admired you" for example, he goes "ahh no, can't do that", but then he slips in bed again. He like tried to tell him without this sounding obligatory like when Sousuke went "well, if you quit, he quits, haven't you thought about that?" making Haru feel quilty. Rin went like I won't lie, without you it's hard for me, but it's just bc you're so amazing and you make me feel like I can do anything, but the question he ends his speech with is whether he makes Haru feel the same way or not?

Rin's just the person who always always just GOES for the thing he wants and loves, so it was clear that he was like "I can't let you go, I just can't let you go, I'm sorry. but it also kills me to see you that way, so please please say you want this with me too". That's why it was so AAAAAA cause it's like technically both of their futures were on the line there, so the way he was holding on so well and made this about Haru is just really sweet. He was like we can travel the world together, watch oceans and fountains and fishies, eat mackerel sandwiches, swim together, be together, do illegal stuff together, I won't let the system imprison you, spread your wings, babe xD He was like really considerate, but also fought for their happiness, so it's like two for two for me.

But yeah, 2x09.. I fucking love that scene, bc of reasons, but also I always get extemely angry, too, bc I'm like.. I hate when they leave half of the stuff unspoken and then their insecurities like add some absolute bullshit to the blank spaces and it all leads to me facepalming, bc I'm like... I know what one wants and the other wants and they want the same thing, but they think they don't and just... kill me pls lmao

Anyways, I'm so glad this is finally over and we won't have to go throught his ever again. Fucking finally, now just confess that you don't just want to be in one bed with him, but to fuck him too and we're ok xD

[vickyvicarious]

thinkin’ bout an ATLA daemon AU, and I think daemons would probably all be real-world animals, similar to the spirits, since there’s something of a link there. Your daemon is your own personal spirit/soul, after all.

Some headcanons on this line:

Iroh - A very rare case of a daemon changing shape as an adult. He previously had a hawk; when he returned from his travels after Lu Ten’s death, he was accompanied by a... I wanna say maybe capybara (nurturing herd animal, intelligent, selective with which leaves they eat, scandalously semi-aquatic for a FN royal). There’s speculation in the FN that a spirit did it to him, but it really was just a result of his own internal change. This actually comes in very handy when he has to enter Ba Sing Se as a refugee later on, and just in general in staying under the radar.

Hakoda - A sea otter; not an unusual daemon for SWT. He fairly well exemplifies the clever, playful, family-driven yet still powerful opponent when riled.

Kya - A penguin. Very at home in the water, a doting parent willing to make extreme sacrifices for their young.

Bato - A wolf. Another common WT daemon for its social nature, pack-based life and hunting style, and associated often with excellent warriors of the tribe.

Bumi - A duck-billed platypus. Despite never seeing it as a ‘normal’ animal in the wild, people are often suspicious it’s not his real daemon because it sure doesn’t look like one pure spirit the way most of them do. Mole-like which fits with his bending but also definitely weird and not a typical mole just as he isn’t a typical earthbender.

Ozai - Black mamba. Snakes and lizards are common/well regarded in the FN as being linked closely to dragons and thus a sign of Agni’s favor. His aggressive, deadly daemon reflects his belief in his superiority and inherent greater right to rule than his older brother. Azulon also had a snake, a comparison which he always took pride in.

Ursa - Cliche says bear but I actually want to go with meerkat or mongoose. Both are social animals that actually hunt venomous snakes and take an active role in raising and teaching their children, which seems fitting for her.

Azula - tries not to change often, and lots of people believe she’s actually already Settled as a snake, but if they paid attention they’d notice changes in species every so often. Remains unsettled throughout the series, though she heavily favors snakes and spiders. I like to imagine her one day Settling as a saltwater crocodile just for the images but honestly it’s a long way off for her to Settle.

Mai - Unsettled but favors very small daemons that can remain hidden in her clothes such as small insects, lizards or snakes. Very rarely ever shows itself to anyone, let alone for any length of time.

Ty Lee - Settled when she was in the circus; something that Azula resents slightly and so she tries never to draw attention to. Her daemon is probably some form of smallish monkey though I’m not sure exactly which; very cute and quite intelligent as well as surprisingly nasty when angered.

Sokka - Unsettled for a long time, though often in the form of sea otter like Hakoda, or a wolf. Eventually starts adopting more variety the longer they travel, particularly in order not to stand out too much (or to try and stand out, depending) and by the end of the show Settles as a raven. Very intelligent, curious, problem-solver with a bit of a penchant for mischief and a long memory.

Katara - Almost always stays in an aquatic or arctic animal in stubborn loyalty to her culture and identity as the last waterbender of the SWT, notably often becoming a leopard seal or polar bear during combat. She still hasn’t Settled by the end of the series but has been tending strongly towards arctic fox. Sokka has secretly always taken comfort in her not Settling yet despite the motherly role she’s taken on. In fact, before Aang arrived he’d begun to worry because she had stayed a penguin for several months straight... but Aang brought out her youthful side and her daemon changes more around him.

Aang - the Avatar is linked to the spirit world so completely that I want to say they don’t have a daemon. Instead they often tend to bond with an animal guide of their native element. Obviously this changes how they learn they’re the Avatar but I think it makes sense. When trying to be incognito, he pretends Momo is his daemon, and mostly gets away with it due to not many people recognizing his species, but (not super) secretly he feels that Appa is practically the same as his daemon.

Toph - her daemon is blind just like her and switches all the time. Tends to favor either large ferocious beasts, moles, or lizards. Absolutely never a bird, although one time they do try out being a bat. She has shown no signs of even considering Settling by the end of the show, and in fact has recently been switching between hippo and cricket a lot.

Zuko - doesn’t Settle until the Day of Black Sun. He also tended to switch around a lot as a kid but became extremely frustrated with himself and ashamed of still ‘being a child’ during his time in exile. He became convinced he’d Settle when he regained his honor and remaining Unsettled after returning home increased his deep sense of shame/lack of satisfaction. When confronting his father his daemon takes the form of a large cat... I wanna say jaguar. They don’t even realize they’re Settled until later at the Air Temple.

Yue - Already Settled by the time we meet her. A malamute dog, her daemon shows not only loyalty and a strong work ethic/duty, but also a more down-to-earth and sometimes playful side that she rarely gets to openly express. Her and Sokka’s daemons get along famously, a lot of cheerful wrestling in wolf form.

Suki - I kind of want to say she Settles as a horse. Can’t quite articulate why for some reason but I like the idea a lot. That or a tiger.

Hama - An octopus. Very intelligent, sensitive, adaptable predator skilled at hiding in plain sight.

That one healer lady - Everyone thinks her daemon is Miyuki the cat, but no, Miyuki is an actual spirit. Her daemon is a frog.

Cabbage Man - A fainting goat, probably.

[firesoulstuff]

Accidental Baby Acquisition from the tropes + Jax and Sara (as friends) please?

Read on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15962468/chapters/68072311

“Apartment’s empty.” Jax says into his comm. “No ones home.”

“Great.” Rip sighs on the other end, his voice making it very clear that the report is anything but great. “Ok, come back.”

Jax turns, intent on relaying the message to Sara, but she’s gone.

“Sara?” He calls, stepping deeper into the apartment instead of closer to the exit.

They’re looking for a woman who is supposed to be insignificant to the timeline, but instead she disappeared from her apartment and she’s going to be found dead by the end of the week. Her dad is a big wall street guy and the body turning up is set to lead him to doing some pretty reckless, dangerous, and timeline destroying things. So, they’ve got to find her alive.

“Jax…” Sara’s voice is coming from the bedroom, which she’d told him was empty before he’d reported to Rip.

Why is she still in there?

Inside the room is dark, the bed made and nothing out of place. Sara’s standing on the other side of the bed, her hands on her hips and her lip between her teeth as she looks at him with a look that spells disaster.

“What?” He asks, coming around the corner of the bed, and he stops short.

He blinks, his brain not processing at first what he’s seeing. It’s a lump. A red, blotchy, breathing… Oh.

It’s a baby.

It’s a new baby, with the cord still attached and dried blood covering it from head to toe.

He strips off his jacket without a word, they can’t just leave the thing here. He gets down to his knees and spreads the jacket out on the ground… and that’s when he hesitates.

His hands are hovering, barely off the jacket. How… How is he supposed to…?

“You get the baby.” Sara says, getting next to him and gathering up the cord as well as the lump attached at the other end of it, what was that thing called again?

Whatever it’s called she folds it up and lays it in his jacket, to the side but not in the sleeve.

Get the baby, sure, easier said then done.

He’s holding his breath as he hovers over the baby. He isn’t sure how to grab it – her. It’s easy to tell the baby’s a girl, not that that really helps him much. She’s asleep, sort of, her eyes are closed, but she’s whimpering like she’s right on the edge of waking up, and he really doesn’t want to be the thing that pushes her over.

“Ok.” Sara eventually says, out of patience with him. She crawls into his space, leans over, and slowly but smoothly slips her hands under the baby and moves her.

“Grab your jacket.” She instructs him very matter-of-factly. “Wrap her up.”

He does as he’s told, the baby’s whimpers starting to get louder before she’s even done telling him what to do.

“Shhh… Shh… It’s ok baby, I got you. I got you.” Sara whispers to the baby, bringing her close to her chest and so he follows the path with his hands holding the jacket awkwardly and trying to both get the baby wrapped up and not drop the organ attached to her.

Unfortunately, Sara bringing the baby to her chest turns out to be a mistake.

The room isn’t exactly well lit, and truth be told he is mostly focusing on not dropping anything, but maybe it’s because “anything” includes the baby he is trying to get ahold of that he sees what happens. He knows enough about babies to know they operate mostly on instincts, and that’s the only way he can explain it. With Sara practically leaning over the kid and bringing her close, the baby opens up her little mouth and then very abruptly realizes that there is a shirt in the way of what she thinks is a food source, and she does NOT appreciate it.

She starts screaming, like a switch has been turned on in her lungs and jammed on high. It’s so sudden he almost drops his jacket and the organ still attached to the kid. Sara fumbles a little too, but she clutches the kid tighter and even through that encourages the screams it also pulls on the cord and he’s able to keep his hold.

The two of them must look like a pair of circus monkeys scrambling over each other on the floor, trying to keep from making even more of a mess, or worse, hurting the baby. Eventually, somehow, they get the baby mostly wrapped in his jacket and to their feet, with Sara having a good enough hold on everything.

“You think there’s formula in the kitchen?” He asks, and no, Sara does not look like she thinks there’s formula in the kitchen.

“Couldn’t hurt to check.” She says anyway.

.

.

There was not any formula in the kitchen.

Instead of getting the baby fed the two of them had to hurry back to the Waverider with a screaming baby attracting attention at every turn.

It’s a wonder they didn’t get arrested on kidnapping suspicions.

Now things are a little calmer, at least. Gideon was able to fabricate a bottle and some formula so the baby is finally quiet and they can hear themselves think again.

Not that their thinking is doing them any good.

Jax his holing the baby right now, since Sara had needed two hands free to cut the cord properly. She’s still sucking down her bottle greedily and looking down at her… who could ever just leave her?

She’s adorable. Drowning in his jacket and looking up at him with shining brown eyes. In the bright light of the med bay he can see the dried bloody on all over her body is, in fact, very dry. It falls off easy in little flakes, and that only makes Jax wonder how long she’s been alone on that bedroom floor.

Rip’s supposedly working on figuring that out right now. Apparently there never was a baby in the original timeline, so he’s in the parlor, pacing and ranting to probably Ray something about “Why is there a baby?!”, and while Jax hopes they find an answer he also can’t help but worry Rip might come in here saying they have to go back and make sure this kid is never born.

“Careful.” Sara says, pulling him from his thoughts. She’s looking at him with that face she gets when she’s about to play the role of “only adult in the room.” “Remember the little siren we ran back here with. She may look cute, but she’s gonna cause a lot of trouble.”

He wants to roll his eyes, because what she’s really implying there is completely insane. He is not getting attached… At least not so much that he’s actually entertaining thoughts of this baby sticking around.

He looks down at her again, maybe in an attempt to prove his point.

Ok, so he’s entertaining the thoughts just a little bit, but he isn’t taking them seriously.

He looks back to Sara, trying to think of a comeback, but he’s saved from that because Snart comes knocking on the doorframe.

“I hope you’re not getting attached.”

His eyes are on Sara, not him, and Jax laughs.

“I’m not the one you need to be worried about.” Sara informs Snart, glancing over to him and so Snart follows her look, and Jax rolls his eyes.

Thankfully, though, instead of making a comment Snart turns back to Sara, all business.

“Raymond found the girl.” He informs her, “Our aberration is her boyfriend. Apparently a little over nine months ago in the Time Bastards timeline they both went to a club and never crossed paths. That didn’t happen this time. One night thing, she hid the pregnancy, or convinced herself it wasn’t real. Professor thinks after she gave birth she went into shock and left the apartment.”

“Stein thinks she got up and walked away from giving birth?” Sara asks, slowly, completely ignoring him looking on at this point and only looking at Snart. Still, even only seeing the side of her face Jax can tell she isn’t buying it.

“Might explain why Raymond found her passed out in a broom closet.” Snart informs her, unfazed, and understandably so.

That would explain that.

Sara seems to agree; based on the look she gives Snart.

“He’s on his way back with her now, figured it’d be better to bring her here to the med bay rather than call an ambulance and have to explain two time travelers already took the baby.”

Jax decides to fix his attention solely on the baby with that comment, let Sara and Snart snark at each other.

She’s done with her bottle now, sucking on nothing and so after a moment of internal debate he gently pulls it away from her and very carefully drags her up his front until he gets her settled on his shoulder and can start to tap her on the back the way he’s always seen it done in movies.

“You might want to take her to your room or something.” Snart says, looking to him. “Something tells me when Raymond gets here with the mom there’s gonna be a lot going on in here.”

He nods, “Ok, I’ll go soon as she burps.”

“Try rubbing her back instead of patting her.” Sara suggests, “I don’t know why, but it’s more effective.”

He does as she says, and maybe it’s coincidence or maybe it’s evidence, but either way the baby lets out a loud burp almost soon as he’s changed up his tactic.

Snart notices too, and raises his eyebrow at Sara.

“What?” Sara asks with a smirk. “I babysat all through high school, remember?”

“You learned to cut an umbilical cord babysitting?” Jax teases and she smirks at him.

“That my friend is all League of Assassins.”

He snickers, of course it is.

[bekahdoesnerdshit]

ask Two for the angst ones this time: 13 for raini, 5 (possibly will be pertinent come the end of this minicampaign) & 29 (she literally has Any Weapon w/ her pact so it's fititng) for ayen, 7 & 10 (hehe I know there's trauma in this one) for cog, and then mix and match 4, 17, 18 between Caspian, Ryker, and Brilliance bc I don't know them as well and I would Like To

My life is just below readmores now, I guess. Will I ever learn to shut the fuck up? No! And that is a promise 

Raini

13. What does it take to make your character cry? Oh boy. Raini definitely isn’t a big crier, because she a) doesn’t really let herself get to that point and b) hard pivots into “angry” over “upset” and she isn’t an angry crier. She’s cried twice in game so far, and probably not many times before that. In both in game cases -and likely the always alluded to but never seen “before times”- the catalyst for her crying was being overwhelmed. In a good way, bad way, whatever, but that’s the trigger. Just- Looking at something, not knowing what else to do but let yourself cry about it, and not seeing any reason to stop yourself.  (shfjsdjkfh the funny answer is: during sex. But can you IMAGINE jskdfskjdf)

Ayen

5. Would they ever turn on someone they just met in order to save themselves? Oh for sure. Without question. Not without guilt, in fairness, but without question. She’s pretty well adjusted, pretty “go with the flow”, but she did grow up in a pretty cutthroat world. She was spared from having to make those kinds of brutal decisions from a super young age by Shadow Mom, but she definitely saw the fallout of those choices and learned that, while it’s all well and good to do the “right” thing, it’s much more important to do the right thing for you. If that means condemning some stranger to die so you and yours don’t have to? So be it. Better people have done worse, because that’s sometimes just how things go.  I’ll be honest! This character decision was a completely on the fly one when we were having that debate in the library about what we should do with the information we learned in the library. But I stand by it. In character, Ayen 1000% sees whatever’s going on as Not Her Business. It’s fucked up, sure! But, you know. Not her monkeys, not her circus.  29. What is their weapon of choice, and what weapon do they dislike using the most? Bro I love that Ayen doesn’t have A Specific Weapon SO much. Especially because Pact of the Blade specifically makes it so that, whatever weapon she summons, she’s proficient in while wielding it. So she sees somebody using a weapon, goes “oh! cool!” and summons it herself, and then just. Intuitively knows how to use is. How fucking funny is that conceptually??  Her go to if things are serious or she doesn’t have time to pick something obscure is a longsword. Dad uses a greatsword, and a longsword is pretty close to that! Image how cool they looked fighting off assholes, back to back, with two bigass swords? Is that the only reason it’s her favorite? No of course not!!!! That would- that would be silly. And childish. Swords are just cool is all.  She hasn’t used any in game, but I think she honestly just doesn’t like any kind of polearm. It’s like, is it technically safer to be a little further from your enemy? Sure. Does it give you a small tactical advantage? Maybe so. But they’re so uglyyyy and they look weird and you have to use both hands and the balance is weird and >:( Spears can stay because you can throw them but you’re on thin fucking ice.

Cog

7. If your character was allowed to murder one person without any consequences, who would it be and why? Thank GOD Alex I wanted this one for Cog SO bad!!! Valentine WastelandGame! If you can read this! You’re a dead motherfucker!! This is for a variety of reasons including but not limited to: - Is responsible for the deaths of at least 3 separate world leaders! Uh oh!  - Asked for my blood one time! To do Science on! Not cool! - Ace doesn’t like him. Enough said.  - Called Ace “hotheaded” and “brutish” keep his NAME out of your MOUTH - Is fucking Maelo’s ex I think? Honestly I lost that plot on that one a little bit - Keeps taking Sunny on dates! We’re protective and Jealous?? Hard to say! We don’t have time to unpack this one let’s keep moving - Is convinced aliens exist? And are coming to attack the world? OKAY  - Talks in fucking circles about philosophy and the greater meaning of “good” and “evil” in the context of the world. Like, no sir! Good is when you help people and evil is when you kill them! Except unless it’s me killing you which is going to happen because I can cast Finger of Death now and you better believe that spell has your fucking name on it. Freak boy. - Just like. Eats straight raw steak. Not Evil but really weird and probably not great for you? - Overall just a very bad slimy manipulative and stinky dude. 0/10 I’m gonna put an arcane bullet in his skull. Like. Everything Valentine does, everything she learns about him, convinces Cog more and more that the world would be a better, safer place if he wasn’t allowed to exist in it anymore. She was kinda neutral on the guy until he gave his grand speech in Cormir about how the only way to save the world is to ‘conquer and subdue it’ and tried to talk her in circles enough that she had to agree with him or seem like a hypocrite. Since then, it’s been a slow creep from “I don’t trust this man and don’t want to work with him again, even if it makes our lives harder” to “he’s dangerous and needs to be stopped” to “...if given the opportunity, I would kill him myself”. And now that she has our new friend the Shadow Demon whispering in her ear, telling her that “the world will tremble and change before her” and that she should “stride boldly, and fear not the consequences that may follow” honestly? The next time we see Valentine, he might be in trouble!  10. What were the character’s parents like? What was the affect the parents had on the character? Oh, is there trauma in this one? Is there? Alex? Is there? Maybe so!! We’re gonna talk about Cog’s dad first, because he’s a) still alive and b) I KNOW you’re fishing for more mom angst. Cog’s dad name is Conrad Grace! He’s the head of Lafaroh’s town guard, whatever that means for a town of maybe a hundred people. I feel like his day to day really consists more of making rounds to check on people than dealing with criminals, although he likely has to break up the occasional disagreement or toss somebody in the drunk tank for the night. He’s also in charge of making sure the Guardians -the gods that live deep in the swamp outside Lafaroh and protect the town in exchange for food, building supplies, the occasional corpse, and other resources- get their offerings (This is Important, because he does Stop doing that soon). He married into he Grace family (that’s RIGHT he took his wife’s last name because it’s 2021 and he’s Woke not because her family like runs the town okay moving on), initially because I genuinely believe he fell in love! They were probably pretty young, because Lafaroh is very much a Deep South Swamp Town Analogue, but I don’t think it was just a social power move. The most important Conrad fact? He told Cog that he became disillusioned with the Church when she left home, because he couldn’t imagine continuing to support something he could now see had so clearly been hurting her. And I, Rebekah, a homosexual who has had Words with my Christian parents about the way their religion has hurt me? OH buddy we were a little bit of a mess about it. DM Ryan! Don’t you know I’m projecting!! Please be more careful! (Editor’s Note: This is the moment that made me realize I was projecting. Whoopso!!) Cog’s mom name is Charlotte Grace Sr. because, I guess, we’re freaks. I hate that this makes Cog technically a junior because the thought of anyone calling her Charlotte Jr. makes me break out in hives, but it is, technically, correct. The distinction while Cog was growing up was, instead, “Charlotte” and “Charlotte Olivia” because, again, we’re southern as hell. Charlotte Sr. is, unsurprisingly, the head of Lafaroh’s church, which means she very much has more actual power than her husband does. She did love Cog, I think, but in a way that very much more felt like someone guarding an investment than raising a child, especially when Cog became a teenager. She had high, exacting expectations, and grew more distant from Cog the older she got. Whether this was an unintentional side-effect of Charlotte Sr. becoming more engrossed in the preparations necessary to allow Cog to become the “Conduit”, or whether it was a purposeful decision because she knew she would lose her daughter and wanted the sacrifice to hurt less is unclear. Cog’s dad is kinda just a dude, but we KNOW this bitch has mommy issues. I also think an important distinction to draw between the two is that while I’m willing to give Conrad the benefit of the doubt and say that he may have just wanted Cog to stay in Lafaroh when they party returned because he was worried about his daughter and wanted her home, Charlotte Sr. wanted Cog there because it was Where She Was Supposed To Be, because she had a destiny to fulfill. More than that, when Charlotte Sr. found out that Conrad had stopped sending supplies to the Guardians when Cog left and had instead been selling them to Bandits to get money to rebuild the town, she was not nearly so understanding. She accused him of heresy, and ordered for him to be, uh. Flayed alive. Which wasn’t great. It’s what got her killed ultimately; Cog had to choose between her parents, and after watching her Mama summon a shadow demon that very nearly choked the life out of Sunny? It was a choice with only one possible outcome. 

Caspian

18. Would society call your character a good guy or a bad guy? What would they say they are? Caspian is. Caspian is Just a person. Like she is just out here doing her best, trying not to get killed by, idk. Pirates or ghosts or w/e. This is an endeavor that, statistically, could be going a lot better.  I think the more interesting angle to look at this question from is the fact that she’s a monk from a well known monastery, and that there’s Expectations on how she conducts herself in the world as a result of that. She is Just A Person, but that’s not good enough. Not when she’s running around wearing Pelor’s holy symbol, representing his monastery, reflecting on him. For a long time, I think Caspian resented the expectation that put on her! Why can’t she just be a kid? Just a person? She didn’t ask to be raised by these monks in this kind of life. But when she left home and realized how suddenly lonely she was, there were quiet, sad moments it was easy to soften with prayer. Rekindling her relationship with her god was her way of staying connected to home, and I think it also made her want to go from being Just a Person to actually wanting to take pride in being a Good Person.  And then her campaign lasted for two fucking seconds lmao so it didn’t even matter hahah! :)

Ryker

4. Has your character ever been hurt or betrayed by someone they thought they could depend on? What happened? YEAH BOY rye-bread got his SHIT handed to him lmaoooo His whole “why are you adventuring?” deal is that he fell in love with the noblewoman he was hired to escort across the country to her betrothed’s estate, and she played him like a fucking fiddle and convinced him -after her wedding, after she was pregnant with her husband’s first child and therefore heir- that she was in love with him too. But of course, because she was married, her husband would never let them be happy together. She talked Ryker into killing her husband, and promised to meet him the night he did it with horses and supplies for both of them. Anyone reading along at home with even a shred of common sense probably just said, “uh oh!” And uh oh indeed; she fully sold his ass out. There’s something emotionally devastating about slipping out of the bedroom of the man you just killed, his blood still on your hands, to find the woman you love standing between two enormous guards, but I can’t quite put my finger on what.  Ryker figured out her plan in the following days he spent in a cell, awaiting execution. She didn’t love her husband, but by playing the role of grieving widow and anxious mother-to-be she could ingratiate herself with his family enough to be allowed to take control of the estate while her son, the true heir, grew up to run it. It was cruel, and clean, and if Ryker hadn’t managed to escape it would have gone off without a hitch.

Brilliance 

17. Is your character afraid of death? Why/why not? Brilliance isn’t afraid of death, she’s afraid for what she’d leave behind. One of the songs on her playlist really leans into this (and I’m very excited to be posting her playlist soon! Stay tuned!), because she is terrified of what her death might do to Sienna. She never planned to become an adventurer, much less travel to the Hells to try and save an entire city. She was content, more than content, to guard Sune’s church, to help the people that came seeking her goddess’ blessing and guidance. When her city faced a sudden influx of refugees from Elturel after its destruction, she was even happy to volunteer to help the Flaming Fist keep order and root out would-be troublemakers. She never meant to get caught up in a job that would take her out of her home city, much less out of her home plane entirely. Every fight she got into in Hell, every time it seemed like she may be staring down something that might kill her, Brilliance had to swallow down the overwhelming guilt of knowing that if she died here Sienna would never know what happened to her. The image of Sienna, worried and pacing, looking toward the door to their apartment every time there was so much as a whisper in the hallway, desperate for any sign that Brilliance had come home-- It wasn’t delusions of self-importance or self-preservation that had Brilliance taking Glasya’s deal to save her from the narzugon’s clutches; it was the image of Sienna collapsing onto their bed and sobbing because she finally admitted to herself that Brilliance was never coming home. Still. Sienna needs her, but her party needs her too. They’re counting on her to be there for them, to take the big hits that they can’t handle. First one in, last one out; she doesn’t leave until everyone else is safe. She wants to survive, she wants to go home and marry the woman she loves, but she couldn’t live with herself if she did it at the cost of the life of someone who was depending on her. Brilliance isn’t afraid of death; she would die for her party members, even the ones she doesn’t particularly like. She just knows exactly what the cost of her death would be. 

[365daysofsasuhina]

[ 365 Days of SasuHina || Day Two Hundred Fifty-Nine: Soap Bubbles ] [ Uchiha Sasuke, Uchiha Tenkai, Uchiha Chikyū ] [ SasuHina ] [ Verse: A Light Amongst Shadows ] [ AO3 Link ]

Uchiha Sasuke has been many things over the course of his lifetime. And done many things. Many of them, in most eyes, have been bad...or at the very least, misunderstood. His path seeking justice for the genocide of his clan led him down some dark and dreary roads. Not every choice was made with the best of intentions. Overall he can’t regret his course...but even he can admit some decisions could have been made better. But a young, angry, powerful man doesn’t always make the right choices.

This, however...is one of the few he knows he’ll never regret.

There’d been fear, at first. Even before this decision, the one made to involve Hinata with him personally was not easily made. With new threats looming in the shadows of the few Uchiha left, he knew it would be dangerous. As did she. But...they pressed on, and decided to prioritize what happiness they could find over a safer - and more lonely - path.

That had been odd enough, finally admitting he’d fallen in love with someone. After so long of being alone, and feeling misunderstood by nearly everyone...he’d not only found a person he could truly call a friend...but one that had captured his heart in a way no one else ever had. Hinata was...soothing. After feeling so alone, and angry, and...hurt for so long, she was like a salve on every wound he’d ever suffered. Once he realized what he felt, and what it meant...he knew there would never be another. She molded to his edges like no one else ever had, or would again.

But, as typical of any young couple...the question of children eventually arose. His brother’s children had elicited a pride and a terror like Sasuke had never known. The first Uchiha born - even if only half blood - since the massacre against their clan a decade before. They represented hope...and a weakness. He knew from the moment he finally got to meet them that he would do anything - anything - to protect them.

Sasuke, however...could not trust himself. He guarded his niece and nephew from afar, visiting as an uncle should. But the notion of children of his own - of being responsible for a life so small, so fragile - instilled a fear he’d never felt before. For so long, he’d hardened himself to the world. Developed reflexes that could kill a man in a blink. The idea of being close to a child so often - of putting them at risk of receiving an unintended blow when his instincts kicked in - it...terrified him.

For quite some time, he refused the notion, no matter Hinata’s gentle coaxing. He was certain there would be no taming his threat. But slowly, with encouragement from the whole of his family, he began to overcome it.

And eventually...he agreed to try.

Around the same time as Naruto and Sakura - and many of their other agemates - Sasuke and Hinata received confirmation: she was with child. And so, in the middle of the August heat, she bore a son, named Tenkai after the heavens.

Sasuke had never known such pride, such vulnerability, such...humble realization that this - this - was what truly mattered.

Family.

It had been all he ever fought for. All he’d ever lived for. And now...now, he had a life half his own, to protect and to nurture.

...he could only hope he’d do so right.

Within the next two years, they had a second child: a daughter, Chikyū, named for the earth. Two sides of the same coin, like the teachings the Sage of the Six Paths had tried to instill in him during the war. Yin and yang. Heaven and earth. Two halves of the same whole.

Fatherhood was a scary unknown...but one he would learn beside the woman who had helped him overcome his lingering demons. With Hinata by his side...he could do anything.

...even handle bathtime.

He swears they’re growing like weeds. One moment he turns around, and they’ve suddenly grown another inch. But Tenkai is now five, Chikyū soon to be four, and with Hinata out of the village for a few days, that leaves bathing the pair of them to Sasuke.

And what a circus that is.

Attempting to clean them before they soak in the tub is like juggling two bars of soap. As soon as he focuses on one, the other is bouncing around the washroom like a monkey. There’s water and soap bubbles everywhere!

“Tenkai, leave that alone. You can’t get in the tub until -” Reaching for his son, he sees from the corner of his eye as his daughter abandons the stool he’d sat her on. “Chikyū, don’t put that in your mouth!”

The girl immediately spits out the soap with a cry of distaste, tears springing up.

Sasuke sighs as she hiccups. “I tried to tell you...but at least you know now. Tenkai, don’t pull on -”

By some miracle, after half an hour of wrangling the pair, he gets them decently clean and rinsed before setting them both in the tub. Only then can he stop to wash himself. How his wife manages this so well, he’ll never know…that woman is something otherworldly.

“All right, scoot over,” he instructs, making his way in and rising the water level all the higher with his bulk. “Now...isn’t this nice? Family bath time, with warm water, and peace and quiet?”

Tenkai just nods, trying to make a little whirlpool with his hands. His sister sits near the edge of the tub, hands over the lip and resting her chin atop them.

Eventually, when their fingers begin to prune, Sasuke gets them out and dries them, thankful to find that the warmth has mostly dulled their antics. Instead, they sleepily hang about as he towels them off and redresses them in freshly-washed clothes.

“There...don’t you feel better, all nice and clean?”

“Guess so,” his boy replies, Chikyū tugging at her shirt hem to look at the design across the front.

“Why is it so difficult to give you two a bath?” Sasuke asks, looking to his son with a mix of weariness and amusement on his face.

“Cuz baths are boring!”

“You know, it wouldn’t take so long if you just sat still and let it happen. It’s all your monkeying around that makes it such a chore.”

“That’s what makes it fun!” Chikyū pipes up.

“Well...it makes me very tired. And if I’m tired, well…” Sasuke makes a show of stretching with a yawn. “Then rather than take you out for a yummy supper...we’ll just have to stay here and have some of your mother’s leftovers…”

The pair quickly perk up. “Go out? Where?”

“Nowhere, now. I’m all worn out from chasing you two around the washroom all afternoon. I think it’s best we stay in and take it easy.”

Their faces both fall. “...we’re sorry...can we still go out? Huh? We’ll be real good and quiet!”

Expression carefully blank, Sasuke considers them. “...do you promise to behave next time we have a bath?”

“Yeah, yeah!”

“Well...all right. But,” he cuts in, holding up a hand as they cheer. “...if I have to give you a warning next time we have bathtime, there will be no more dinners out. Understand? Only good little Uchiha get to have fun nights out with their father. Otherwise...we’ll stay in and practice your manners, instead.”

Looking properly contrite, the pair run to their rooms to get their jackets once Sasuke releases them. Finding himself alone, he gives a soft chuckle, head shaking. This whole parenting thing...it has its moments. But he could still do without chasing two slippery little rascals every time they take a bath.

                                                            .oOo.

     Well, there's a lil bit of angst to start, but...in the end, we get some good famjam fluff x3 Sasuke with kids is honestly a bit difficult to write...I think because he himself isn't quite sure how to act, haha~ I never got that far in the old fic, so he never got much practice, nor has he done it much with RP. So if he seems a little...standoffish, well...that's cuz he is!      Anyway, I'm still behind, and still exhaustingly busy. Tomorrow'll probably be more of the same. But at least I haven't fallen more than a day back...yet :'D For now though, it's time for me to get some shut-eye - thanks for reading!

[wee-chlo]

Sitcom AU where after Five disappears, Reginald has an epiphany and commits to being Less of a Dick. It’s rocky going, because Reginald is still a stiff, socially inept curmudgeon who is terrible with children but his efforts include:

Awkwardly attempting to use the names Grace gave them. Eventually becomes so obviously painful that they all just give him an out and decide the number system is just a bunch of nicknames.

Giving Grace a room and more autonomy while also maintaining her upkeep so that she’s sharp as a tack well into their late twenties. Wins points with everyone with this but especially Diego.

The uniforms are worn during ‘school hours’; otherwise the children can wear what they like. Grace is given leave to take the children out for day trips and the first one is to go out and get them whatever clothing they want. Allison, Klaus and Vanya ask if they can get makeup. “Ask your mother.” “Of course!”

Sadistic abusive testing is completely done away with but the children are still trained in combat techniques, teamwork, strategy and tactics, etc. for the future. The creepy posters are taken down though. 

Giving Grace and Pogo leave to celebrate things like holidays and birthdays (hitherto dismissed as pointless waffle). Reginald rarely attends these festivities, but at least one of the children will usually have something for him. As the years pass, more of these gifts are actively used, worn, or put in places where they can be seen.

Coming clean about Vanya’s powers. Vanya goes no/low contact for years but she’s told about her powers in a way that doesn’t trigger every trauma she’s ever had. He makes sure she’s aware that she can keep the violin. She does.

After Klaus’ first (and successful) stint in rehab, he very reluctantly agrees to family therapy despite constantly insisting that he is not their father, he is their guardian, there’s a difference, they are his wards and charges, not his children. Results are mixed but predominately positive. The therapist is very straightforward about the consequences of his actions.

As a result:

Luther and Diego still snipe at each other but it’s more friendly and brotherly. Both of them are better adjusted emotionally and engage in vigilante crime-fighting antics together. They bicker about who’s the sidekick. Luther lives in the mansion, Diego has his own apartment and receives a stipend from Reginald for expenses. 

Luther is more mature, not mutated, and has a much more relaxed relationship with Reginald and his family in general. For awhile he didn’t really have much aside from training and crimefighting so the others encouraged him to get a hobby. Grace taught him how to cook and bake. He also adopted a puppy he named Orion. He has no authority over his dog. He initially intended to train Orion has a sort of sidekick attack dog to fight crime alongside him but then Orion curled up next to him on the bed that first night and he realized that if anything happened to Orion, he would kill everyone in the tri-state area and then himself. Orion stays home and keeps Pogo company.

Diego’s relationship with Eudora is still somewhat tumultuous but his emotional stability means it’s still pretty positive, with Luther and Diego having a much less abrasive relationship with the local police. Diego and Eudora still go on dates sometimes but not consistently. He doesn’t go on dates with anyone else though.

Allison is still a starlet but her relationships with her husband and child are much healthier and she uses her Rumor power much less. She used it pretty liberally early on but conversations with her family made her realize it wasn’t appropriate. She lives across the country but keeps in close contact with everyone and visits for holidays. She doesn’t receive a stipend, but did early on in her career. She and Luther have long since decided that they’re better as friends, and she encourages him to find someone because he really does need that kind of support and intimacy.

Klaus succeeded in kicking hard drugs and while he’s still a shameless pothead and disaster gay, he’s also much more stable. He’s an actor at the theater with plenty of friends and is a staple designated driver and mom friend of local gay bars and raves. He lives in the manor, where he and Luther have become very weird friends as Klaus tries to get Luther out of his shell. Klaus was most recently in a production of Les Mis as Grantaire. Everyone, including Grace, Pogo, and (reluctantly) Reginald, attended. Reginald declared it “surprisingly adequate”. It was the nicest thing he’d ever said to Klaus. 

Klaus got a Siamese kitten on a lark after Luther adopted Orion. Her name is Schatz and she is an absolute terror but always comes when Klaus calls her and will frequently ride on his shoulder like the cutest parrot in the world. 

Ben is alive and is going to college to be a nurse. He still lives at the mansion but actually does pay rent (not a lot, but still) and works as a bicycle courier on the side. He and Klaus are besties; Klaus drags him to every gay bar in the city and he has lots of admirers. Klaus also hooks him up with the therapist he started seeing after rehab. For therapy. Not for romantic liaisons.

Vanya’s therapy actually works because she knows why she needs it. She goes off her power-inhibiting meds, starts taking meds that will actually help her, and retreats to a quiet, isolated place to focus on learning how to control her powers without hurting people. She went no/low contact with the others both because of her hurt and anger and because she didn’t want to hurt them while she experimented. She doesn’t write a tell-all book, and Reginald quietly sends her a stipend to live on while she trains herself.

The Story

Instead of Five dropping in right before Hargreeves’ memorial service, he drops in right before the family’s “Welcome Back, Vanya, We’re Still Super Sorry and Love You Very Much” party as Vanya finally feels comfortable enough to return to the mansion. 

Everyone is still outrageously distracted from Five’s Very Important Mission accept for Hargreeves, who immediately pulls out the uniforms he’s had prepared for them for just this instance. Five’s is too big. Five puts on the school boy uniform and is very weirded out when Reginald apologizes because he assumed Five wouldn’t be a literal child when he returned but he really should have been better prepared.

“Dad, you told the therapist you got rid of those.” “I lied.” “.... alright, asked and answered.”

Instead of being distracted by things like trauma, dysfunction, drug abuse, etc., everyone’s distracted by mundane, goofy nonsense. Luther is set up on a blind date by Klaus with the girl who played Eponine, and is reluctant to leave when Five tries to drag him out of the restaurant. Allison’s husband has the flu so she can’t leave, she doesn’t know anyone here and who would take are of Claire? “... HOW ABOUT MOM, ALLISON?” 

Klaus helps for awhile but is immediately distracted by a very cute soldier in line to discuss a prosthetic leg who introduces himself as David Katz. Five admits through gritted teeth that yes, he has a great smile, but you know what he’ll have in a week if we don’t get this done? A really bad case of death.

Vanya’s better but then she meets Dave’s sister, Esther, and becomes as distracted as Klaus and Five wonders if it’s not too late to just let the apocalypse happen.

Only Reginald is helpful but even his assistance is limited because he basically hasn’t left his manor in actual years and looks like he’s straight out of a Dickens novel. Grace is only moderately more believable. Pogo is a monkey.

On the plus side, the group is much better at working together because despite deciding that brutal psychological abuse wasn’t the best way to go about things, Reginald still made sure they were prepared and well-trained. Hazel and Cha-Cha are still terrifying but Klaus isn’t kidnapped and they’re sent scurrying away after the attack on the academy.

Eventually, Five learns that Hazel and Cha-Cha weren’t sent to ensure the apocalypse but to attempt to instigate it because it’s basically been stopped in it’s tracks by the Hargreeves family being Weird-But-Chill instead of Insane-and-Dysfunctional. However, between Hazel becoming both infatuated with Agnes and increasingly disinterested in causing the destruction of the world as we know it, Cha-Cha not really getting any backup, and the Umbrella Academy’s impressive (if frequently distracted) competence, it just becomes a big circus of black comedy, slapstick, and slice of life nonsense with Five and Reginald trying and failing to get the others to keep their eye on the birdie for longer than six minutes at a time but everyone’s too distracted by things like cute girls and anatomy tests and families and being really gay.

[leveragebigbang]

Leverage 2017 Big/Mini Bang Master List

a chair is not a house by greenurr Cover art, Art, and NSFW Art by steverogersisbi  Summary: After the war, Eliot moves back home, and gets a dog. There’s more to it than that. An AU in which Eliot returns home from the army missing a leg and an eye, Hardison is a slightly famous internet gamer, and Parker runs a circus. A story that involves dogs, and no crime, unless you include the dogs stealing our heroes’ hearts.

Dead Man’s Hand by meils121 Soundtrack and Cover Art by poppetawoppet Summary: Eliot lets himself slip away, away from the pain and the hurt and everything else. He finally allows himself to die. An old enemy of Eliot’s threatens everything he cares about. With Eliot badly injured, it’s up to the team to take this enemy down before they can do any more damage. Eliot struggles with the guilt he feels and the need he has to protect his team.

The Freedom Job by Telaryn Fanvideo and Gifset by IndigoNight Summary: In a world where vampires and things that go bump in the night and deals with demons are real, the Leverage team has in recent years been playing on a larger and darker stage than they ever expected to be. They've adapted, of course, with knowledge of their own pasts unearthed to help them along. And to the outside observer, they might even look like they're thriving. These days though, they're driven by a secret. One they can barely talk about amongst themselves - in order to save the lives of Sophie, Eliot and Hardison, Nate allowed himself to be roped into a deal with the King of Hell, with his soul the price. It's a deal they may be forced to live with - for now - but one the Leverage team will never settle for. And when a man from another world, with the powers of a God, comes to them looking for help, the team will confront Heaven, Hell and Death itself in order to find a way out.

Hearts Wrapped in Clover by BabylonsFall Video and Cover Art by benjaminrussell Summary: Hardison, Parker, Nate, and Sophie have managed to successfully run Leverage, Inc. on their own, for three years running now. But when the bullet meant for a mark strikes a little too close to home, and outside pressures start threatening the team, they decide to split up, to lay low, running from both the Italian’s threats and Moreau’s attention. Nate and Sophie head out to provide a moving target, Hardison and Parker disappear into the countryside to the very last place anyone would think to look for them. And, just their luck, the neighbor’s even weirder than they are.

If You Ever Want to Be in Love (I’ll Come Around) by serenelystrange Fanmix by MorningStar461  Summary: In which Hardison finds himself falling for both the quiet but charming baker, and for the quirky ice cream shop owner that works on the other side of the street. The only problem is, he can’t seem to make either one of them realize how perfect they could be together, until he bites off more than he can chew!*

Make Way For Ducklings by page_runner Art by ponderosa121 Summary: It’s been seven years since Nate and Sophie walked away; two since circumstances forced Hardison, Parker, and Eliot into retirement. Meanwhile, the kids they met during jobs have grown up, influenced by the strangers who briefly entered their lives, and who are about to make a reappearance.

My Perfect Thief by kawuli Art by magnetgirl Summary: “Kid, you’re lucky you ended up here, nobody else would put up with your shit.” Parker’s latest foster family is just like all the rest. Maybe they’re right, maybe no one will put up with her. Fine. Fuck families. Parker doesn’t want one. New York City is far enough away and big enough to get lost in, and Parker knows how to survive on her own. And then she runs into the strangest thief she’s ever met. Archie Leach has a plan for Parker that for once she’s happy to go along with. She’s going to be the best thief ever.

on a wing and a prayer by treepyful Art by bloodinamug Summary: “You’ve seriously never heard of Ravens?”

Once Upon A Time (we fell in love) by chewingonpearls/Reallife Art by cuartist Summary: That was the day Hardison and Parker realized, when Eliot was threatening to punch people for them what he was really saying was “I love you.”

The Ophidiophobia Job by Glinda Art by IllustratedJai Summary: Leverage/Stargate SG1 Crossover. Team Leverage discover that their mark has access to lots of highly classified alien technology. Eliot calls in some help from a 'buddy in the business' and it turns out he worked for the Stargate programme. Conspiracies are discovered, bombs are defused, aliens are fought, and part of the team get stranded offworld.

The (Other) Fairy Godparents Job by RyLee Art by BuckytheDucky  Summary: Even before Leverage, Parker, Eliot and Hardison find themselves helping the helpless. Once a upon a time, in a faraway land, a prince and a peasant girl fell in love and had a child, a healthy baby girl. But their happiness was not to last, as the prince’s family disapproved of the union and invoked evil forces to conspire against them. Death took the new parents before their daughter ever had a chance to know them. She was left all alone the world, at the mercy of the same evil that stole away her parents. The child may have met the same ill fate had she not had the good fortune to encounter three blessed benefactors.

The Present Job by ourdarkspirits Art by Idwart Summary: The team decides to take a break from work and Hardison plans a surprise.

the soul of the matter by SafelyCapricious Art by InklingDancer Summary: Everyone is born with a way to find their soulmate, but fate is rarely so simple or so kind. The team faces a soulmark-forger con-artist as well as truths about themselves. Just how important is fate in the hands of five fair criminals?

Steal that Swing by coppersunshine Podfic by ramblingandpie  Summary: “It was something like desperation that led Eliot to start looking up dance organizations in the area. At this point it was either punch or dance, and the punching hadn’t worked out so well. The first search result took him to a well-designed, minimalist site. “Lindy-Hop, West Coast, and East Coast Swing, Wednesdays at 7pm. Free Drop-in Lesson! Dance $5.” Eliot glanced at his watch. 7 o’clock already, but he’d still make the open dance. He grabbed his jacket and headed out the door.”

Taste of Freedom by SassySnowperson Food: a schematic (companion art) by magnetgirl Summary: Eliot finally found the gumption to break free of Moreau, but the scars a man like that leaves don’t fade easily. Eliot’s in a bad place, and cooking is the only thing that brings him any sort of peace. But then a tiny blonde thief thinks he’ll make an lucrative mark and breaks into his apartment, intent on robbing Eliot blind. Parker’s so surprised to find a mattress and…nothing else that she’s determined to fix things. A story of families of choice, food, and figuring out how to be a person again.

Trained Monkeys and Doughnuts by keepitdreamin Art by sarah-likeaboss Summary: “It’s the first time they all sleep together without actually sleeping together, and it marks the shift of something fundamental in their relationship. Something, Eliot considers later, that he wouldn’t change back for the world.” How the trio get together featuring stupid feelings, a trained monkey and cuddles.

The Troll in the Dungeons Job by the_afterlight Summary: October 31, 2007, Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry, Scotland In an echo of fifteen years past, Hogwarts students are enjoying their Hallowe'en feast when a professor comes into the Great Hall with news of a troll in the dungeons. Back to back at their separate tables, fourth-years Alec Hardison and Parker share a glance before slipping away in an attempt to find the creature, only to be caught on their way by fifth-year prefect Eliot Spencer – who is only out and about because he noticed that another student, seventh-year Sophie Deveraux, was absent from the feast. Hoping to find her before the troll does, the three find themselves following her trail into a long-forgotten section of the castle. What secrets does Hogwarts hold? What is Sophie after? Who let the troll into the school? And what will the headmistress say when she finds out?

An Unwanted Job Offer by Nonesane Art by alexiane250  Summary: Alec and Parker’s lazy morning at home is cut short as they realize they haven’t seen Eliot all day. It’s been a long time since Eliot went MIA without leaving a note or a message. Where could he be?

Sweet Home Kentuky Fanmix by dazebras

[noramoya]

In the “trial of the century,” the prosecution rested, the defense rested, the jury can rest now that they’re dismissed. When does Michael Jackson get to rest? To the media this wasn’t the manslaughter trial of Conrad Murray; it was “the Michael Jackson Death Trial.” And much of the time, Michael Jackson, though dead, was on trial. Michael Jackson was not treated as a human being, but as a cash cow. His death hasn’t changed that. The exploitation of Jackson was legion — by acquaintances, hired help, colleagues, the music industry, the justice system, by families looking for deep pockets, by hangers-on, sycophants and especially by the media. Millions were made off the Jackson brand. What the public doesn’t know, is how cynical and deliberate the exploitation was. Author Joe Vogel wrote about the widespread cultural abuse of Jackson in a recent article titled “Am I the Beast you Visualized?” The latest betrayal is a documentary by Conrad Murray — the very doctor who is convicted of killing Jackson. Murray, charged with manslaughter, struck a deal two years ago with October Films for a documentary about his relationship with Jackson and his final days. Family and fans are asking how could NBC, in good conscience, produce and air a film that exploits Jackson yet again after death and by the very person responsible for that death? Murray inked a contract as Jackson was being laid to rest. The documentary included scenes depicting “private rooms” in Jackson’s home with clips recognized as photos of Neverland Ranch taken in 2003 after sheriff’s deputies raided and rifled through it. The same photos, originally used to slant opinion about Jackson’s private habits, made their way into Murray’s “documentary” along with a few contrived comments designed to denigrate Jackson while elevating Murray. How honest is a film and its intentions when cleverly edited for impact and ratings? Reminiscent of MSNBC Martin Bashir’s Living With Michael Jackson, another cleverly edited film called a “hit piece mocumentary” that was cynically produced for ratings and profit was refuted later by Jackson’s own film crew who taped the same footage simultaneously with Bashir’s crew. Murray’s documentary circumvented the justice system allowing in the testimony he refused to give in court despite a family’s frantic search for answers to what happened to their dead loved one, Michael. Conrad Murray’s manslaughter trial became “the Michael Jackson Death Trial” because media long ago learned that connecting Jackson’s name to anything increased revenues. People promoting their own brand still cynically link to Jackson knowing that negative stories about him increases attention. Reporters invented stories and not to be left out of the profit making game, mainstream media soon followed suit. A large segment of the population still believes the tabloid caricature of Jackson and the accusations from which he was exonerated. And they mistakenly believe self proclaimed “Michael Jackson experts” — who never even met the man and have an agenda and a reason to perpetuate the caricature myth — to avoid being exposed for their past treachery — using a human being for profit and to future careers. The propaganda about Jackson says more about the writer than it does about their subject. Nick Davies in his Flat Earth News exposé claims the public would be sickened by cynical media tactics and how they manipulate á la tabloid journalism gone mainstream. Jackson fans, who have been trying to warn consumers for years about the racist agenda and media exploitation of Jackson, issued a statement this week: “Michael Jackson fans have had enough. Ridicule us if you must, call us names, tell us we only think of Michael as an ‘idol’ — but we are not the ones selling his memory, objectifying him and making money off him.” They have called for a boycott of NBC and its sponsors. Murray may have administered the fatal dose of poison, but the media poisoning of public opinion regarding Jackson was relentless and protracted. Did the media torture a man to death for nothing more than ratings and profit? The most famous man in the world was also the most bullied. The tabloid campaign exploiting and lynching Jackson was unparalleled and lasted decades. Jackson’s exploiters hail from every possible position — from cleaning ladies to doctors and a rabbi spiritual director who published recordings of Jackson’s private sessions — all to make a buck off his brand. Physicians are outraged by Murray’s reckless treatment and his violation of HIPAA laws and patient confidentiality. They find it incredulous that a doctor, now convicted felon, skirted both the law and testifying in court and pimped his documentary that profits the very man he killed. The fans, aware that public opinion about them has also been manipulated, are concerned that the public continues to allow salacious media exploitation of public figures and are duped into its consumption unawares. One fan writes: “Our living rooms should not be dumping grounds for salacious materials that strip humans not only of their dignity, but their very humanity — and ours in the process. Where is the public outcry that says ‘enough is enough’? People were outraged when the Rupert Murdoch scandal broke about phone hacking for headlines for front page fodder with ill gotten sensationalized information; where are they now? Airing this documentary is shameful.” British Huffington Post journalist Charles Thomson chronicled the shaming irresponsibility of the media while covering the Jackson trial in 2005 in a piece called “The Most Shameful Episode in Journalistic History.” It might be worth pondering why a man who appeared to have it all needed such extreme measures to sleep. Why did he require medication that did not just help him sleep but rendered him unconscious nightly in order to rest? How did a vegetarian and purist who hated drugs come to rely on them? Remember, Jackson was found not guilty of exploiting children but the accusation would forever taint his legacy. Yet the Murray trial showcased, in Jackson’s own words, his dream to build a children’s hospital. His attorney, Thomas Mesereau voices concern about the recklessness of a slanted media that capitalizes and exaggerates drama for profit and ratings; he is joined by other attorneys like Matt Semino and Mark Geragos who worry that celebrity cultism and media manipulated public opinion preempt justice. Authors Aphrodite Jones in Conspiracy: The Michael Jackson Story, Jermaine Jackson in You Are Not Alone: Michael Through a Brother’s Eyes, and Joe Vogel with Man in the Music: The Creative Life and Work of Michael Jackson, as well as Armond White and others, try to set the record straight by telling the true Jackson story with new books that counter the tabloid trash and chronicle history. Even today few people are aware that in both cases accusing Jackson of harming children the same players appear — the district attorney nicknamed “Mad Dog,” the same attorney who recruited and represented both accusing families and the same psychiatrist reporting the accusations. Few people realize this gang still socializes together. Both the FBI and social services investigated Jackson and found no wrongdoing . Few understand what really happened to Jackson because his dehumanization in tabloids was so deliberate and the caricature painted so thorough. His ruination by public opinion and the media was so disheartening, the violation of his civil rights by law enforcement so encompassing that it rendered Jackson so dispirited and disillusioned that he left his homeland, the place where a little black kid from the inner city made it to Hollywood. The last insult came from Rupert Murdoch’s Sun tabloid publishing a photo of the dead Jackson front page in Britain with the racist moniker “Jacko” — whose origin describes monkeys and can be a slur used for those of African descent. Within hours after the release of that photo on HLN, extremely sadistic and cruel bullies send a copy to Jackson’s children with the message “From Daddy with love.” The second generation of Jacksons, including Michael Jackson’s children, have themselves been victims of bullying — their lives, relationships and paternity made fodder for gossip because tabloid reporters apparently eschew the legitimacy of adoption or fertilization techniques for childless families, and find alternative paternity and parenting somehow aberrant. Masks in public prevented them from being recognized at playgrounds later when accompanied by bodyguards who substituted for a father unable to accompany them in recreational outings without causing a media circus and security problems for police. Yet public opinion ridiculed Jackson for protecting his children from harm. There are those who seem to insist that public figures and their lives belong to the public instead of to themselves, who expect to be privy to any and all private information, who feel that celebrities are not entitled to the same civil rights everyone else enjoys. And there are those who pander to those compulsions and serve up the dirt whether true or not, for ratings and profits — doing it with illegal phone hacking, checkbook journalism and paying large sums for stories — the more salacious the story, the more zeroes on the check for stories that lynch and carve up real people on front pages — for profit. Adults wonder out loud where children get the ideas that seem so cruel and heartless. Enamored by celebrity, kids imitate the most popular, and are keenly aware of the values displayed by the adults around them. The new generation has just rediscovered Michael Jackson since his passing. Do you think they naively miss the tabloid battering of Michael Jackson? Where do they learn bullying? They are watching the media and watching us!

[kamuwrites]

In the Bag, Ch 6/10 (a One Piece gen cat fanfic)

Fic Summary: All pirates have hordes of treasure. It just so happens in this life, cats are the treasure in Luffy’s.

Chapter Title: Merry Whatsit Things

Words: 2048 (Not the game)

read on ao3

Buggy used to live in a lot of shitty places while on the run from the cops when he was a sprouting young criminal. He liked to think he escaped that life once he established a rule of terror in an unknown East Blue town with a name not worth remembering anymore.

A few years of living as boss gave him a shady construction business in which he was rolling in dough. The whole shindig had illegally imported explosives and everything. Hell, he even provided dental to his workers slash underlings. His life was great.

Straw Hat ruined that window of bliss with his literal homewrecking.

When did the kid even have TIME to hotwire a bulldozer and level his entire base? He had to have stayed in town for two hours at most!

Buggy almost forgave Straw Hat. It took a country bumpkin maniac with a destructive streak to make him realize just how small his worldview had become. Sheesh, he used to have big dreams and shit. The kid reminded him by smacking him in the face like they were basic punks duking it out on the streets.

The kid packed a hefty punch, but Buggy knew he could take it. Later. After the bruise healed.

So yeah, Buggy tried to slash the kid’s tires after finding out where he worked. ‘Tried’ because motherfucking Benn Beckman caught him in the act. He was one man he did not want to cross. Anywhere Beckman was at, Red Hair certainly would be hovering around nearby. The pair were mushy and together like that, reminding single people everywhere that they were SAD, ALONE, and in his case ANGRY. Bastards.

“What about that fling with Alvida?” Luffy asked, interrupting the beautiful monologue of his worthwhile career in crime.

“Work buddies. Don’t shit where you eat,” Buggy sniffed.

Alvida told him the things Luffy did when he disbanded her gang. Frankly, he thought they didn’t measure up to the deeds Straw Hat did to him. It looked like Luffy turned her life around for the better, if the kid couldn’t recognize her from the pig she once was. He avoided a kick to the crotch after that.

Now that he thought about it, Buggy himself was profiting from the waves that kid brought to his nowhere nook town. He’d never tell the brat, but Luffy had punched the idle satisfaction from his body that day.

“Hm,” Luffy said, watching a fly buzz by as he ate.

Buggy could see his reply fazed through him. Anything not concerning meat and cats were filtered out of his brain.

“Speaking of places to eat,” Buggy said, watching Luffy perk up immediately. “You need to get out of this place. I killed like five roaches on my way to kitchen.”

Luffy let Robin, one of the newer additions, settle into his lap. “Whaddya mean? Here is fine,” he said.

“Uh, kid?” Buggy said. He gestured to the peeling walls and the paper panels lined with cat sized holes. Half of them were repaired with index cards and duck tape. “Your house is falling apart. You have a bug problem. I think a freaking rat scuttled past my ankle when I was taking a shit in the toilet. Not a mouse. A RAT.”

Luffy tilted his head. “Robin and Sanji can take care of them. They’re both former barn cats,” he replied.

“Your water doesn’t spit out hot anymore,” Buggy said.

“I can go to the public baths,” Luffy returned easily.

“There’s no AC,” Buggy tried.

“We can open the doors and hang up the mosquito net,” Luffy put forth.

“Kid!” Buggy shouted. “There is MOLD infesting the kitchen ceiling.”

Buggy took brief satisfaction at the way Luffy hesitated. The feeling was short lived, however. He had to break the bad news to Luffy, which was as unpredictable of a situation as predicting a storm. The guy would either take it like a champ or refuse to budge.

...Or, Luffy would make this godawful devastated face like someone had told him one of his cats had died. Buggy HATED the possibility of that outcome. He always knew to avoid it whenever he brushed the topic of family. Despite being unfazed even in the face of death and the muzzle of a gun, Luffy still had hang ups like anyone else.

And Buggy would completely take full advantage of that, if only the threats of an internationally wanted fugitive and the hellstorm that be a retired ATTORNEY GENERAL weren’t breathing down his neck…

Oh, and Shanks could go fuck himself. Those crow’s feet and bleached gray hair all the way down to Beckman’s roots? Nuh-uh. Buggy ain’t taking a part of that circus, not yet.

“That’s not good for you or the cats,” Buggy continued, pushing the Monkey D. elders and the inevitable forthcoming of old age to the back of his mind. “The kitchen is where everyone eats. Not all of the furry things have strong immune systems, not like you.”

Luffy’s face was doing that thing where he was thinking. All signs pointed to this being a herald for bad ideas.

Buggy already made it this far. He might as well finish his guilt trip to the end of its bittersweet journey.

“Straw Hat Luffy,” Buggy said, standing up and heading toward the front door. “You can do better.”

Of course, that was where the metaphorical bad weather ended for a while.

Buggy assumed, with the radio silence, maybe Luffy decided to be sensible for once. Hey, he might even listen to Buggy’s advice and Buggy could rein it over his head forever!

Nope. Someone chose the absolute WORST outcome to come to fruition.

Monkey D. Luffy made his choice, on his own terms.

“Call on line 3 for you…” Mohji said to him one day.

Buggy, like the inattentive fucker he was, didn’t notice how pale his underling looked. He had to go ahead and take the call like an ignorant fool.

“I’ll give back the bulldozer in two days,” Luffy started.

Buggy hurled the entire phone set against the wall.

***

The village mayor had to be certain.

“Are you absolutely sure this is a cat?” Dalton asked the young man.

“Yeah! Geez, I know what’s a cat and what isn’t!” Luffy said.

Dalton looked over at the pudgy hooved animal. It watched him with clear wide eyes from its place in Luffy’s lap, as if daring him to contradict its adopted human.

“It has hooves,” Dalton said.

“He’s self-conscious about that.” Luffy nodded. “He’s not as polycrocodile as Nami and Robin are.”

“No tail?” he asked.

“Chopper is the opposite of Usopp!” Luffy exclaimed with a laugh.

Dalton frowned. “He’s a baby now, but he’ll probably grow horns in the future when he turns into an adult,” he persisted. How would this kid explain that?

“Horns?” Luffy lifted Chopper to look him in the eye. “Are you going to grow horns, Chopper?”

The goat-cat blinked slowly at Luffy. He turned his head to look at Dalton and then turned back to Luffy.

Chopper bleeped.

“He says sure, but they’ll fall off on their own,” Luffy said.

Dalton was at an impasse. He had troubles accepting that someone could be so stubborn about an animal’s presumed classification. Was it against certain animal laws if he just let this boy take a wild deer-goat-cat as a pet?

“No worries, Bull-guy,” Luffy assured, stretching to pat him on the shoulder. “Doctor-lady told me Chopper is a cat. I’ve never seen a cat like him before, so I guess I haven’t seen ‘em all!”

Their resident doctor and veterinarian told Luffy this? Dalton had never questioned her expertise in animal care before, but what would she gain from teasing a young boy from out of town?

“She approves of you taking him with you?” Dalton sighed.

“Mm! I told her my new place is near the sea and mountains, so she Hail Mary-ed Chopper into my arms and told me to get out! You should visit once we’re done building,” Luffy said.

Luffy placed a creased card onto Dalton’s palm. The paper shone in laminated purples, yellows, and reds with a splash of brown. It was all backdrop to a cheery lion shaped cleverly like a sun or a flower.

“The ‘Thousand Sunny’,” Dalton read on the other side.

“For the thousands of sunny days ahead of us,” Luffy followed up, swinging Chopper around in a circle.

It made sense with what Luffy wanted to do with the animal sanctuary. He briefly thought maybe he caught onto what Dr Kureha had intended in leaving the goat-cat-dog-deer to Luffy. Their small suburban town in the cold north was no place for an active animal that belonged in the wild. In an animal sanctuary, Chopper would have a better and longer life than the one he had with his herd, or so the Doctor had bitterly told him while drunk.

“Will Chopper have a lot of friends?” Dalton asked.

Luffy stopped and set down Chopper, who wobbled on shaky legs before collapsing onto a nearby pillow. The goat-cat-dog’s tongue stuck out as he tried to regain his sense of balance.

“You bet! There’s Zoro, Nami, Usopp, Sanji—”

Dalton listened as Luffy told him of their happy and growing family.

“It sounds fun wherever you guys are,” he said once he found a gap in one-sided conversation.

Luffy beamed. “That’s right!” he agreed.

Dalton stepped up and patted the young man on the back. He glanced over his shoulder and grinned at the approaching people, more particularly the grumpy doctor refusing help from the younger veterinarians around her.

“Take care of him. I know Chopper has dealt with plenty of coldness in his life. He could use a lot of warmth from now on,” he said as he turned Luffy to the arrivals.

“Nami! Sanji!” Luffy took off toward the sleeping cats being rolled into the waiting room. He barrelled into the hovering veterinarians in his haste. The room quickly filled with many protests.

“You brats! Don’t wake them! They just came out of surgery and need rest!” Dr. Kureha whipped out a pair of latex gloves and whacked the jumpy young man with them.

“They’re okay now?” Luffy peered at the cats on the cart, taking care to keep his voice significantly lower.

“Yes, you impatient buffoon. Sit with Chopper, I need to pack and write up the basics for his care and the cats’ aftercare for you before you take off.” She waved the boy away and glared at the surrounding vets. “You bunch need to leave me be before I bring out the meter stick.”

Taking heed to the woman’s hand inching toward her hip where she kept the retractable not-weapon, the vets scattered.

Dalton felt he had overstayed his welcome. He headed toward the glass doors of the clinic, before someone cleared their throat behind him.

“You must’ve distracted the brat well enough, if he managed to stay in this room for four hours straight without interrupting me,” the doctor said, one hip and an eyebrow cocked.

He scratched the back of his neck sheepishly.

“I think it’s the other way around,” he admitted.

She snorted. “I’m a creature of solitude, so I know when someone isn’t. That boy,” she jutted her chin at Luffy attempting to imitate Chopper’s hops, “is someone who loves and needs love. I’d almost think he’s more animal in that aspect, but most humans need others to live fully. Otherwise, we’d die before our time.”

“Is that so?” Dalton took vague amusement as Chopper perched on Luffy’s shoulder like he was a mountain face, accidentally knocking over his hat.

“Of course. I’m an old woman who has found the secret to longevity. However, I haven’t found the right way to love Chopper in the way he needs. That’s why I’m allowing Straw Hat to steal my cute apprentice.” Dr. Kureha chuckled at Dalton’s baffled expression. “He’s very good at fetch, that Chopper.”

As if to demonstrate, Chopper jumped down and presented Luffy the hat in between his teeth.

“Cats don’t do fetch,” Dalton reminded with a twinge of his lips.

“Oh, shut it, brat,” Dr. Kureha said to the noises of amazement and praise filling up the small clinic waiting room.

TBC

[indirispeaks]

Titanic Fail Part the Second

!Presented in convo form!  Apologies for the length

Me:  Okay remember that glorious shipwreck of epic proportions that was the animated titanic movie I told you about with the magic anime girls moonbeam tears?

Him: .....yeah...

Me: I love your suble uneasiness in that 'yeah'. Because THERE IS A SEQUEL.

Him: .....I want to get off this planet now.

Me: "Titanic: Elizabeth And Mullet-Face Go To The Lost City Of Atlantis And There Is A Battle With Sharks And Creepy Clown Toys And Mentally Challenged Racist Caricatures Mice, And Also The Dog Has A Gun For Some Reason."  

Him: fuck my life

Me: Also called "In Search of Titanic" But my version is more accurate.  So Elizabeth and Glove Sniffer, (fuck if I remember the guy's name he made zero impression on me the first time)along with the dog -who can talk now- and the reeeeally awkward mice are riding around in a submarine looking for the wreck of the Titanic.  Which is stupid, since the giant pinkie thing put the goddamn ship back together and lugged it to the new york harbor previously. Whales saved all the people! It was happily ever after all around.  

Him: WHAT IS CONTINUITY?

Me: No one on the production team knows what that word means. It is unclear why the talking mice are qualified to make submersible dives.  Maybe it happened between movies while the dog was learning to talk.  Actually come to think of it, every animal in the first movie could talk except the dog and the whales and yet everyone seemed to understand them just fine even without the glitter spooge and it wasn’tt a big deal to ANY of them. I'm not sure why I'm searching for meaning and logic in a film written and produced by alcoholic lemurs but it still bugs me.

Him: Alcoholic lemurs could have written a better story. meth addicted squirrel monkeys though.

Me: No the squirrel monkeys wrote the sequel.  In the snow.  With their own pee. But yeah the dog can talk now and I think his name is Lucky.  Or Fritz. Or Frank.  Steven? He doesn't like being down there because there are sharks.  Water is blue, Stevie-boy. But speaking of sharks, the criminal shark gulag is back, again with the whaler asshole, still after the whales.  There are no whales in this movie.  The giant pink thingie is apparently called Tentaclino, but no one even calls him that and he's not really in the movie either. For that matter, neither is the Titanic.  I don't know what they were actually calling it, because 80 percent of the dialogue in garbled to high hell in some way or another.  

Which I guess is what happens when three different countries work on the same movie in a fourth language none of them actually speak.  They gave up 20 minutes in anyway and just started trying to out-stupid each other.

The new head shark (also with names changing every other scene) gets da boyz to attack the sub and cut it loose because it's yellow.  All submarines are yellow. Also sharks are colorblind IRL but that's the least of this movie's issues.

Him:  Of course it's yellow.

Me: Everyone in the sub is understandably shocked and upset at this development, except for Glove Sniffer who says that everyone should remain calm while the sharks chew through their tether and oxygen tube.  The breach causes implosive decompression and kills them all instantly.  The End.

Him:  That's not what happened is it.

Me: Nupe.

Him: Joy.

Me: What actually happens is Da Boss shark and his dudebros chew the Technodrome loose to the complete and utter indifference of everyone inside it because the animation budget did not have enough money to pay for more frames when the dudebros start playing tether ball with it.  They ask Da Boss shark if they should finish destroying it but he says no, first he has to stop and brush his teeth. Dental hygiene is important, yo!  This calls for a rap number!

OH YEEEEEEEEEEAH THIS ONE'S A MUSICAL!  YAAAAAY!!!

Him: This is a hell dimension.  We are in a hell dimension.

Me: It sets the precedent for the whooole circus though, because NONE of the "songs" in this technicolor nightmare make any sense to anyone who doesn't just happen to be an acid-tripping squirrel monkey.  The most I got out of this one was the opening line of "YO! YO! YO! LOOK AT MY TEETH! HOOGA HOOGA HOOGA SO WHITE AND NEAT!" and the rest of it was sung by a chorus of small clams who'd come back from the dentist with mouths full of Novocaine.  It SOUNDED like they were singing "Oh, you, you!  There's no white meat out of you!  Oh, you, you!  There's wuh walla, walla WOOOO!!" You can look it up on youtube, the comments are full of people taking guesses at the actual lyrics.

Him: ....

Me: After that incomprehensible nonsense, it cuts back to where Elizabeth, Glove Sniffer and co. have been hanging out awaiting their cues for the last five minutes that you just spent listening to cartoon prison-shark rapping.  Literally.  Upside down and motionless.  Elizabeth's long flowing hair is unaffected by gravity. They come back to life just in time to realize they're probably going to drown and are understandably panicked....except for Glove Sniffer, natch, who tells them to stay calm again but then they go unconscious again and merpeople on multicolored My Little Pony steeds (WHY) come to the rescue and save everybody by spraying air bubbles on their heads....

hang on sec

I missed the part where it became possible for the merpeople to open the top hatch without turning the people into ground sausage. I.

Magic glitter spooge.

I guess.

They're unconscious again in any case.  They're also wearing life vests like that's going to help you 7 miles down. I couldn't tell if they were dead or not as they were not sausage, but if they were it would have saved the audience 70 more minutes of this shit.  Actually I think the dogs name was Pete.

Him: I'd suggest rewatching it as a drinking game but I don't think anyone would survive the alcohol poisoning.

Me: Yeeeeeah.  The mersquad lugs their unconscious asses back to the Lost City of Atlantis, populated by more merpeople who are really just different colored normal people walking around in frog feet with artistically placed fish scales.  Pete wakes up halfway there, catches sight of a merwoman and is utterly convinced he's dead and she's taking him to doggy hell.  Doggy.  Hell.  Full throttle Don Bluth. She tells him to stay calm, they're safe now. He doesn't buy it but WHO THE FUCK WOULD.

You might be able to make a drinking game of how many times they actually say some version of "stay calm." They are met at the door by a blue guy whose name we never find out, who tells them that in order to visit the city they have to drink this incredibly suspicious green potion.  Elizabeth questions the wisdom of accepting drinks from people wearing sexy-nurse costumes complete with white cowboy hat emblazoned with a red cross.  Blue guy tells her to stay calm...and then says "GET EVERYTHING READY!!" to the sexy nurse in a tone that is in no way menacing and foreshadowy.

And from this point on, Elizabeth "I can talk to dolphins with my magiccy-farts" becomes the SOLE VOICE OF REASON.  To which the blue guy tells her to shut up and drink it already..  Total dick move. Glove-Sniffer has lost what few brain cells he had (probably from sniffing other things, like wet paint and cat piss), and says that he understands.  Just stay calm, and isn't this potion a pretty color? Can't possibly be a bad thing! CHUGGALUGGALUGALUG.  I'm not kidding he actually says that. Elizabeth questions her own sanity.

Him: .........she's just now questioning that?

Me: Yeah, well. Elizabeth has seen some fucked up shit in her day. Then the blue guy takes them on a tour! They go and meet this jack in the box clown...fish...pokemon thing with a cape and a pimp cane because why the hell not, who says he's the ambassador or something and oh by the way everything in the city can breathe underwater, never go to sleep, everything can talk, and live forever.  Scary Toy sounds like a cross between Marilyn Manson and Fozzie Bear which is creepy as fuck.  I can totally see Jeff Dunham using that voice in his stand up.  Then it gets bizarre.

Him: again, just now?

Me: More bizarre.

Him:  I didn't know it was possible to go downhill from the deepest pit of hell.

Me:  They have a backhoe for digging, and Buffy missed this particular hellmouth.  There's a bunch of toys that live in the ballroom and Creepy Toy goes into this...this...song and dance number...about how all this works..I must have blanked it out after he made this horrifying demon giggle.  He doesn't exactly sing, either, just spouts more Manson-esque lyrics until all hell breaks loose in a sort of what I can only describe as "Techno Rave Fusion Dance Party Music".  The lights go out and colored spotlights start flying around the raving toy mosh pit (there's a mosh pit) and every single word of whatever the serial killer fish clown is trying to say is completely obscured by WUB WUB WUB, WUBBA WUB WUB WUB!! WUB WUB WUB, WUBBA WUB WUB WUB!!  Elizabeth's voice actor can be heard over the soundtrack saying "THIS IS SCARY!!" and she is so right.

Him: ....

Me: He finishes his routine by abruptly telling them surprise! they're not allowed to leave the city and go home for the rest of their immortal, sleepless lives.  Elizabeth is upset.  Guess what Glove Sniffer tells her?

And then they go meet the king, who is a fushia man I think.  He's wearing a long green robe with attached hoodie cowl from which a black hole exudes so you can't see his face.  Could have been tentacles under there for all I know. He's sitting on a throne which I admit was kinda cool, made out of water with fish and seaweed floating/swimming around in it.  Or at least it was cool until it gets up and starts following the king around and there's a fucking face on it that the king proceeds to sit on and then it blows bubbles right up his ass.  It's a sentient bidet.  

Him: sec, finding the vodka.

Me:  He asks how they are adjusting to the "news" that they are now under house arrest til the end of time, and Glove Sniffer says he's glad they were told right away and in such an amusing manner. Whoever was responsible for writing his dialogue has been huffing rubber cement between sentences. Elizabeth looks irritated.  I don't really blame her.  

Then the movie remembers oh yeah, talking animals!  The dog's name might have been Happy.  Still no clue about the mice.  Happy finds a lady dog that lives in Atlantis because why not, and they frolic a bit  She has no speaking lines and it's love at first sight.  She has no name.  Meanwhile the mice are taken to meet all the other mice and why are there fucking mice in Atlantis?   There, uh.  There's a chinese one.  You can tell this movie was made somewhere other than here because that one would have never got past the MPAA.

Anyway the mice/rats have this plan to overthrow the king and steal the elixir of life and then go Pinky and the Brain.  It is not explained why they the elixir will help them take over the world. They also for some reason have laser guns.  The two sailor mice run and tell the king. He doesn't question their story and neither did I.  Elizabeth did.  

Him: ....

Me: The king decides to let the mice try to take over the world because they're just a bunch of heat-packing mice and he has a bazillion army merpeople and toys and the elixir of life.  He replaces it with water so the mice steal a fake. They test it out by tying another mouse to a rock and tossing him down a well to drown.  I mean if you're going to put Don Bluth-level incredibly dark topics in a kid's movie, you may as well go all in. The Creepy Toy is afraid of the mice taking him apart with a screwdriver because then he'll be dead, (for kids!) but a red dolphin reassures him that screwdrivers are banned in Atlantis.  (Apparently they built the city without screws. I dunno just go with it okay?)

The evil mice are in cahoots with the sharks who are in cahoots with the whaling asshole because there needs to be at least six different plotlines at the same time.  They want to feed the pink thingie to Da Boss shark.  Why? Supposedly he ruins stuff....mainly any sort of continuity when someone tries to inject some sanity into this. stupid.  stupid.  Stupid.  stupid. stupid stupidstupidstupid there's a toy army that goes up against the mice who have their own submarines and how the hell are ANY of them supposed to take over the world when your shark shock troops are stuck underwater and you don't have a tornado handy?

I need a break

Their subs also have lasers but they are outgunned via Glove Sniffer's rampaging stupidity. There's a brief fight montage, the dog sets up a sniper point and starts picking off mice even though he lacks opposable thumbs and he's scared of sharks.  And water.  I'm not sure why he's on this vacation.  Maybe they needed to sell tie in plushies?  

Pew! Pew! Pew!  Pew-pew! WHOOOOMPA! Pew! Pew!

There's also a boy doll who looks like a girl doll because he's got a wig on and it's a curse a little girl put on him to look like a girl and blah blah blah blah it's not important.  None of this is important. He sounds like a pirate even though he's dressed in scottish kit. He off a single cannon shot and ta da! he's a boy again and promptly fucks off the movie never to be seen or mentioned again. Yay, misogyny on top of pointless!  Thankfully he does not sing or rap about it.

Him:  Small mercies.

Me: The war is over!  The mice have slunk back to Atlantis and decide to test their elixir of life anyway even though...their entire battle strategy imploded.  Elizabeth's voice actor has given up entirely and she just sort of stands there, lost in her own little hell.  There's a grand total of 4 seconds where the pink thingie shows up and then leaves so the animators have an excuse to plaster him/her/it on the dvd case.  The king decides to reward the useless tourists, half of whom keep asking nosy questions, and puts the Titanic back together again (I mean this IS a Titanic movie, the ship has to be in the film for at least 12 seconds) There is now a sentient screwdriver in the mix whose supposedly the Creepy Toy Fish's best friend.  They'.....but he's scare...I thought they were ban...the fuck.

Him: Well yeah.

Me: They get the ship cleaned up and put back together (what's continuity again?) and then use it to drop Elizabeth and Glove Sniffer on a deserted tropical island to live the rest of their lives going quietly insane up THERE instead of underwater.  Which is an improvement over hostages, because now they're marooned with the Titanic parked on the beach as their own private yacht.  Thank god they don't have relatives that will miss them or go looking for them. I kinda wonder that since they have issues with continuity if there were dead bodies on the ship.  I assume there probably were but there sure aren't any now. I won't speculate as to what happened to them but you never see anybody eating fish down there, if you know what I mean. That's basically the end, everyone lives happily ever after if you don't count mind never seeing your families and friends ever again.

Him: .....you know I hate you, right?

........the dogs name was fucking “Smile” by the way. 

[smorgasbordofobsessions]

liveblog: “crescent moon” movie

i don’t wann type the whole name in the title. i’m also very tired, so this should be even more of a mess than it normally is.

tldr: too! fucking! long! kakashi’s ankles and elbows make me understand why it was illegal to show them during victorian times; fnially fell asleep during a naruto movie

okay this movie is set pre-sippuden so let’s see how this goes

“peace reigns” i mean i guess since there’s no war...

i love when naruto smiles

pure warmth

kakashi’s.... elbows... wow

kakashi’s ankles too!!!

oh god i’m feeling hot under the collar from the expossed skin damn

this dude thinking sakura’a too pretty to be a ninja but sakura just crushes this dude’s hand

proud of her

also what an interesting team: rock lee, sakura, naruto

hikaru looks like a fucking brat

goooooddd i already feel like this movie is gonna take fucking forever

guys i’m really kind of flustered from kakashi’s albows and ankles like... is this what people felt back in victorian times? because i get why it was illegal

this client has a large caravan because he has a shopping addiction and a fully staffed kitchen with him... cool

ohmygod

so this brat of a kid thinks that naruto’s dream is stupid

-heavy sigh-

idk what happened next but i already know that this circus shit is completely unnecessary

watch this bratty kid want the saber tooth tiger

i was fucking right

brat: daddy can i get the tiger?

father: sure let’s buy the whole circus for a cool million

this brat’s got sasuke’s duck butt hair

yeah ima struggle through this movie...

naruto has his own teapot so he can boil water so he can make ramen

i love my son

this brat is trying to bribe naruto with riches

fool.

oh some dumb shit’s about to happen

literally when kakashi talks i perk up a bit since i love him

hold on my heart’s hurting because naruto probably sees himself in those animals that the brat wants to just let die

stop i just made myself sad ohmygoooodddd

oh and cue the start of the dumb shit

really amazing how they didn’t make better preparations for the storm when... they knew there was gonna be a storm...

but! why am i ever looking for a coherent plot in these naruto movies

the moneky’s n the water, so the brat’s gonna go after the monkey so naruto’s gnna save him so now they’re gonna bond over this shared experience and they’ll bare their hearts to each other and naruto’ll say something wise and the brat’ll realize what’s truly important in life and i’m sure the mother will play a role in that as well

god i just wanna stare at kakashi in his summer uniform like... let me feel like a victorian gentleman staring at something indecent and illegal

oh well welll well the king is dead and there’s some dude named shabadaba who’s apparetly the ruler now

amazing since hereditary lineages literally do not work like that but okay

kakashi’s elbows fuck!

ANKLES!!!!

literally no need for kakashi to have shown his sharingan just to do an earth jutsu but i guess the audience needed something

“i’ve seen graveyards livelier than this”

broooo for real though

i’m literally ignoring whatever sob story they have for the king - who’s terminally ill and not dead

finally the old king is dead

jesus fuck i still have 50min of this movie left

idk who the fuck makes these videos but these really drag so fucking much it’s truly fucking ridiculous

and i get dramatic effect and what not but there’s too fucking much!!!!!

y’all i’m so f u c k i n g bored of this movie

jesus of course because the king is so fat they can’t escape before getting ambushed wow

narut just got his ass handed to him and you’re really trying to tell me that that kakashi couldn’t have smoked all these enemy ninja already

like get the fuck out of here kakashi would’ve had their ass beat

oh maybe it’s poison?

yo i was right wow

so this dude makes people turn into stone nad then breaks the statues - nice

no

why do they hate my son so much

he doesn’t need to use the kyuubi for this shit

i mean i lowkey knew it was gonna happen but also it didn’t have to happen

so here’s a parallel to haku’s ice mirror’s but also byakuya’s senbonzakura

his shit is fuckin gboring!!!!!!!!!

“you put us through a great deal of trouble you great tub of lard!”

i’m gonna do something else as this movie runs because i’m falling asleep

also kakashi saying that he can’t slip through security?? yeah okay

the same dude who has knows 1,000 jutsus and i’m pretty sure has a flee on sight order in the bingo book because he’s That Good?

yeah okay bye miss me with that

god i love hearing kakashi talk but the cheesy shit he just said brought a sad tear to my eye

for real - kakashi is the ONLY CHARACTER keeping me even vaguely intersted in this movie

also it’s criminal how little rock lee content we’ve been given

whoever deigned all the backgrounds did a good job

i need a coffee if i’m gonna watch another trash movie after this

jesus 25min left...

shit y’all i might actually fall asleep

i fell out for surer

i have no idea how the movie ends, nor do i care

i’m sure that

the fat son realized that h needed to understand  that it’s not all about material wealth and changed for the better, and became king

the brat learned this lesson too

wow i fnally fell asleep yo a naruto movie

[gravetells]

Read an #exclusive #excerpt from Amy Lane’s smokin’ hot m/m romance Bonfires

Guess who’s visiting GraveTells today?! Amy Lane, Amy Lane!

Someday I’m going to tell all on a podcast about how I practically roasted author Amy Lane the first time we met (in front of several of her peers, of course), how I grilled her seriously hard about a scene in Vulnerable* that nearly made me want to throw my Kindle device across the room (that takes a lot, folks), and how she graciously just took it all (and gave a “yeah, I know, I’m sorry!” shrug). And that was that. I tried some of her other books, and I’ve been an Amy Lane cheerleader ever since.

Never read Ms. Lane?

You’re missing out. For starters, her m/m romance Selfie was so touching, I chose it as my 2016 Book of the Year. It made me laugh out loud and giggle and press my hands to my chest and straight up sob. But we’re not talking about her ridiculously long and oh-so-readable backlist today. Nope, today we’re celebrating author Amy Lane’s newest release, BONFIRES!

Today Amy is bringing us an exclusive excerpt, a little snippet of the book you’ll only find right here on GraveTells. BUT FIRST, more about Bonfires!

Ten years ago Sheriff’s Deputy Aaron George lost his wife and moved to Colton, hoping growing up in a small town would be better for his children. He’s gotten to know his community, including Mr. Larkin, the bouncy, funny science teacher. But when Larx is dragged unwillingly into administration, he stops coaching the track team and starts running alone. Aaron—who thought life began and ended with his kids—is distracted by a glistening chest and a principal running on a dangerous road.

Larx has been living for his kids too—and for his students at Colton High. He’s not ready to be charmed by Aaron, but when they start running together, he comes to appreciate the deputy’s steadiness, humor, and complete understanding of Larx’s priorities. Children first, job second, his own interests a sad last.

It only takes one kiss for two men approaching fifty to start acting like teenagers in love, even amid all the responsibilities they shoulder. Then an act of violence puts their burgeoning relationship on hold. The adult responsibilities they’ve embraced are now instrumental in keeping their town from exploding. When things come to a head, they realize their newly forged family might be what keeps the world from spinning out of control.

Find it online at Amazon* | Dreamspinner Press | GoodReads

If emotional, heart-warming romance is what you love, @AmyMacLane is your author! Click To Tweet

Exclusive excerpt

Now, the excerpt below isn’t so much smokin’ hot as charmingly entertaining. Here’s a taste of Ms. Lane’s signature quirky wit…

An hour—it took an hour for Larx to finally leave the stadium. He was the last one out, and the bright lights hovering over the field had been turned off but still glowed redly in the dark as he trotted through the gate and locked the chain. Aaron had moved his car up to the entrance, and Larx waved as he approached. “Thanks for waiting for me,” he panted. “That took way longer than I thought!” “Yeah, well, it’s a big circus—lotsa monkeys.” Larx grinned. “And the big gorilla doesn’t have a chance,” he said before making oo-oo noises and scratching his pits. “C’mon, big gorilla—let’s get you home.” “Aw, man. I’m still hungry. Aren’t you still hungry?” Aaron had to think about it. “Two hot dogs,” he said, as though Larx hadn’t been there. “But… ice cream! And coffee! C’mon—Frosties and Fries is still open, and most of the kids’ll be gone. Whatya say?” More time in Larx’s company? Not running? Not in the company of teenagers or old friends or an entire town? “Sure. No ice cream for me, though. I’m still trying to lose twenty-five pounds.” Larx looked disappointed for a moment, and then he perked up. “You can have some of mine. I’ll make it a double.” Aaron had to laugh. “You’re incorrigible.” He clicked the lock of his SUV and gestured at Larx to get in. After Aaron had started the car and the heater—because the temp had dropped to the low fifties—Larx resumed the conversation like it had never paused. “You heard Anthony—I’m the rebel without a cause. Incorrigible is in my job description.” “Sure it is.” Just like charming and funny and dedicated. “I don’t know what I have to do to prove to you I’m a bad boy,” Larx opined. “I mean, I’m a terrible fraud: friends with the sheriff’s deputy, principal, father, and underneath it all is a street punk with an attitude. It’s tragic!” Aaron laughed at his foolishness and then thought about it. Maybe this wasn’t all foolishness. Maybe this was Larx trying to say something important. “Why?” “Because green peas,” Larx said quickly. “Your kids must have been hellaciously confused,” Aaron chuckled. “Why is it so important that I believe you were a bad boy?” And just like that, Larx’s irrepressible energy tamped down. “Well,” he said like he was choosing his words, “because. Because if you tell someone something about yourself and they don’t believe you, they’re… they’re getting to know someone who’s not really you.” Aaron sighed. “How about if I tell you I’m not that bright and just ask you to give me bad-boy details. Will that work?” Larx laughed. “I was angry,” he said after a few moments. “My dad split, my mom was working all the time, and it was just my sister and me. But she got sick in my freshman year of high school, and God. I hated the fucking world. My grades dropped, I pissed off all my teachers—got arrested a few times. Petty theft, vandalism. Usual kid shit, you know?” “What happened to change it around?” Aaron ached for him. Sure, it was a long time ago. But a long time ago, Aaron had met a pretty woman and fallen in love. He still missed her, even though he’d lived almost as long without her as he had with her. “Two things, actually,” Larx said promptly. “One was that my sister went into remission in my junior year, and once she felt better, she began to kick my ass.” “Did it stick?” Aaron asked, hoping. “No.” Larx looked out the window as the highway sped by, the shadows weaving together under a clear sky. “She passed during my first year of college. And we knew it might happen. So I just spent those two years not being an asshole so all the time I had with her—that would be good time.” “I’m sorry.” Larx looked at him, and his teeth flashed whitely in the dark. “You didn’t invent cancer.” “What was the second thing?” “My high school principal. Johnny Erickson. Great guy. Must have saved my ass from expulsion a dozen times. He’d bring me into his office and talk to me—just talk to me. Like a human. And he started to promise that if I stayed out of trouble, I could be an office TA and we could spend more time talking and less time with him chewing my ass.” “Good guy,” Aaron said. “The best.” “So why’d you fight so hard not to be principal?” “What?” Aaron caught the double take from the corner of his eye and grinned. “You obviously admired the guy—why didn’t you want to be just like him?” “’Cause I couldn’t,” Larx said, like it was that simple. “Erickson, he was the best. I couldn’t measure up. I mean… just, no way. And every administrator I ever had, I fought tooth and nail. You know the drill—they’re all ‘test scores, numbers, rules!’ I was all ‘feed the kids, teach the kids, and the rules can go fuck!’” “How’d that work out for you?” Aaron asked, voice soft. “I’d rather not talk about that right now.” Aaron’s stomach went cold, and every instinct as a law enforcement officer started to whisper that here—here was where the real story was. But they were close. Their conversation in the car—this was one of the most intimate things Aaron had experienced in ten years. “So what about you?” Larx asked into the quiet. “Law and order all your life?” “Not that it did me much good,” Aaron acknowledged. “Out of school, into the military, folks were so proud. Got a wife, had kids, folks passed away, wife died in a car wreck—and following the rules got me three kids who are probably worse for having me as a father.” “No!” Larx protested, and some of the passion was back in his voice. “That’s not true. Kirby adores you. I know Maureen thought the world of you. Don’t give up on your oldest. She’s just… you know. Like me. Angry. She’s going to regret every bad thing she says. And you need to keep stretching out the olive branch, because you never know when she’ll take it.” “I sent her like twelve kitten videos,” Aaron said. “Nothin’.” “Well, you know. Maybe try puppies. Or alpacas. Or bunnies. Or, you know, anime.” “What-i-may?” “You know—Japanese animation. Christiana is nuts about it. I’ll get her to send me some pictures you can forward.” Aaron had to laugh. “You know, not that your help isn’t appreciated—” “I’m not giving up,” Larx said, eyes gleaming in the darkness. “Seriously. We can’t have our steadfast Deputy George feeling defeated! Where would the town get its hope!” “From its dedicated principal, of course,” Aaron said gallantly, and Larx’s belly laugh was his reward. “So you’ll keep trying?” Of course he would. “As long as you keep running with me in the mornings,” Aaron said, because hey, he was a shameless opportunist. “Deal. Tomorrow too?” Aaron groaned. “God, don’t you ever sleep in?” “Well, I’ll be honest. If I don’t run tomorrow, I’m pulling up my summer garden, so it’s probably more responsible to let you get some shut-eye.” “I work late shift tomorrow night anyway,” Aaron admitted. “We all sort of spread out during the weekends so nobody sacrifices all of the family reunions and such.” “And you probably go to church on Sunday.” Larx sounded dispirited. “Nope. Do you?” “God no!” He giggled then, probably getting the irony of the blasphemy after he said it. “No. No church for the Larkin family. I’m surprised about you, though.” Aaron thought about it carefully. Religions made or broke relationships sometimes. “It’s not that I don’t believe,” he said after a few moments. They came to Frosties and Fries, and he pulled in to park, making sure they had a good half hour before closing time so he could at least finish the conversation. “I mean, there’s a higher power. There must be. I saw it in my wife’s eyes, you know? In our children. But I get tired. I get tired of people using their symbol—and I don’t give a rat’s ass which one—like a get-out-of-asshole-free card. That thing around your neck does not give you a free pass to judge while you go around and kick kittens and smack orphans, you know?” “I do know,” Larx said. “But wow.” “Wow what?” Aaron looked at him, hoping not to see censure or criticism. Larx’s smile reassured him. “I was just going to say my family was Methodist when I was a kid, and they didn’t have a church up here, so I didn’t feel comfy to go.” Aaron laughed. “Well, that too, except Unitarian.” “Oooh—even your church was fancy.” Aaron sighed and decided for a little more honesty. “Besides. Once my wife died, I… I was angry too. Not so much anymore, but like you said. Not feeling it.” “Well, good to know. Want to come help me with my garden if I’m not done?” “What’s my reward?” Larx appeared to think about it. “Well, I’ve got the last of the squash, and some tomatoes, and I think there’s some tubers I haven’t mined yet. And you say your chickens are still laying, and I traded some canned tomatoes to that little artisan dairy that serves at the B and B’s—” “Bessie’s?” “That’s the one. Anyway. I’ve got fresh cheese and hamburger that remembers when it was a real cow. I don’t know what all that will become, but between me and Christiana, it should be something that doesn’t suck.” “So no spaghilli?” Aaron asked, getting out of his car while Larx howled in outrage. “Who told!”

Find it online at Amazon* | Dreamspinner Press | GoodReads

About the author

Amy Lane has two kids in college, two gradeschoolers in soccer, two cats, and two Chi-who-whats at large. She lives in a crumbling crapmansion with most of the children and a bemused spouse. She also has too damned much yarn, a penchant for action adventure movies, and a need to know that somewhere in all the pain is a story of Wuv, Twu Wuv, which she continues to believe in to this day! She writes fantasy, urban fantasy, and gay romance–and if you accidentally make eye contact, she’ll bore you to tears with why those three genres go together. She’ll also tell you that sacrifices, large and small, are worth the urge to write.

Stalk Amy online at her website | Facebook group (AmyLane Anonymous) | Twitter | GoodReads | Dreamspinner Press

What did you think? Let’s chat!

Did you like the excerpt? Are you already an AmyLaniac? Do you love gay romance? Leave a comment below! <3

PSSST! If you’re going to RT2017, find her! She’s giving out hot chocolate and coasters as swag! So perfect…

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