#and spock is not aware of the boatloads of angst and uncertainty kirk was dealing with thinking that maybe he's wrong about spock's feeling

[perlukafarinn]

need a fic set after amok time where spock ponders that he's gonna need a new bondmate eventually. and kirk goes, "well, what about me?"

spock considers this and very logically deduces that yes, kirk would be a suitable mate due to their mental compatibility, aligned careers and his general good qualities. "and also i'm in love with you," kirk helpfully adds.

spock is a bit alarmed by that, as he's not sure he can fulfill kirk's emotional needs but kirk assures him that just being with him is enough.

so they bond and begin to share quarters and it's a surprisingly easy leap to make. kirk is a model bondmate, considerate of spock's needs, offering intimacy when spock wants it and giving him space when necessary. spock does his best to return the favor and although he still occasionally worries that he cannot be everything kirk needs, kirk is always quick to reassure him.

then one day in their shared quarters after a shift, spock looks up from his paperwork at kirk. kirk, noticing him looking, gives him a soft smile and realization strikes spock like a bolt of lightning.

he is in love with kirk. it was never about kirk being the logical choice, spock wanted to bond with him because he loves him.

when he tells kirk this, his smile widens but he otherwise doesn't respond and another realization hits.

"you knew," he accuses kirk.

kirk hums. "i gambled."

then he holds out his hand and spock accepts the ozh'esta and is quietly grateful that this conversation will never be known to mccoy