#and spent 2 years just suffering doing nothing completely alone. and now it's impossible to make friends

[kerikaaria]

Second Chance: Part 2

(Yoongi x reader) Short series, Hybrid!au, Hybrid!reader

Genre (whole fic): (PG15) Angst and fluff In this part: Fluff and angst

Warnings (whole fic): Mentions of euthanasia on hybrids, mentions of mistreatment and abuse (including PAST sexual)

WC: 13.1k

Description: As a rare predator hybrid, you are considered dangerous and your days left in this life are numbered—unless a human decides to take mercy on you and is willing to take you into their home. But after three years of having people walk past your window without paying you any attention, your hope of that happening has all but run dry. You just hope your brother can get out of here in time, even if you can’t.

A/N - Thank you to @suhdays​, @birbdae​, and @jeonsbun​ for beta-reading for me ^^

A/N - Just like in Part 1, there are a few times “N/n” is used to mean “nickname.”

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

“Come eat, Y/n. Hoseok said dinner is ready,” Seokjin gently said, trying to coax you into the kitchen where Hoseok was currently setting the table.

“We shouldn’t eat at the table with him,” you whispered. “And why do you keep calling him by his name?”

“Because he asked me to,” Jin said. “I know this must be hard for you to get used to, but we don’t need to follow those rules that our last Masters had.”

“Hybrids aren’t supposed to be equal to humans, Jinnie," you insisted. "You know that.”

Seokjin sighed. He had expected that you would have some pushback on this new lifestyle that the two of you could have with Hoseok; you were the one who suffered the most from your previous owners, afterall. But it had been four days since Hoseok adopted you and you still weren’t able to feel comfortable quite yet.

He had hoped that things being easy between you and Yoongi would have helped you not be so distant and had healed a lot of the damaging mindset you both had been taught and raised with. However, when he asked you about it in hushed words at night when the two of you lay in bed, he gathered from your responses that in your mind, Yoongi was a one-in-a-million exception that fit right alongside Jimin.

“It’s okay, hyung,” Hoseok said. “No need to push her. I’m sure she’ll come around when she's ready to.”

Hoseok handed Seokjin your plate, knowing that you would feel nervous if he got too close. That was a mistake he had made not too long after you woke up your first day here. He believed that you'd get used to him as easily as your brother did, and had very quickly been proven wrong. But he was more than willing to give you the time and space you needed to become more comfortable with him and in his home.

Seokjin walked into the living room with you, placing your plate on the coffee table in front of where you had come to designate as your spot on the couch. Once you sat down, you waited for Jin to sit next to you only to realize he didn't bring his own plate with him.

"Where's your plate, Jinnie?" you asked.

"I'm going to eat in the kitchen with Hoseok today," he carefully said.

You felt panic rise in your chest. "You're not eating with me?" you asked.

"You could eat with us if you'd like," Seokjin said, threading a hand through your hair to try to help calm you down. "I just want to eat with Hoseok today, okay?"

"But," your eyes nervously flitted between Jin's face and the table in the kitchen, visible from the couch through the open archway, where you could see your owner setting two plates down. It wasn't like you wanted to have a monopoly on Jin. You could easily see that he already had a connection with Hoseok despite your own hesitance to trust that he was completely different from the previous two owners you'd had just yet. But you just needed time to become comfortable, and Jin was your anchor and made you feel safe. No matter what, he was always there for you. He had always protected you to the best of his ability, would even take hits for you.

It was easy to sense your anxiousness, heightened senses letting Seokjin easily tell that your heart was speeding up. He felt really bad about doing this, knew it was going to be a bit of a difficult step to take, but he had to do it. The best way for you to understand that Hoseok was a good person would be to let you see for yourself that things were different.

"I'll be right there," Jin said in a soft voice, pointing at the table. "You can come with me if you want, but if not you will still be able to see me. I promise it'll be okay."

You still looked nervous, but he could see the gears in your head working as the physical signs of your anxiousness began to subside.

"I'm going to go in the kitchen now, okay?" he asked, sensing that it was probably safe to leave you but wanting to let you feel more in control of the situation by asking you instead of telling.

It took you a moment, but you softly nodded. Jin smoothed down your hair and placed a kiss on your forehead before retreating slowly, feeling your eyes on him as he walked away.

He was right. It wasn't like anything was going to happen to you while you sat here by yourself eating dinner. And you trusted him more than anything, so you knew that he wouldn't tell you that things were okay if they weren't. But out of all the people who you had encountered in your life, incredibly few were actually trustworthy.

How you had even attached to Yoongi so easily was a mystery to you, but you figured it had something to do with the fact that it was a rare instance that you got to be with your brother at the shelter, and for two years no one else had been even a little kind to you. Then in came Yoongi with that soft smile and sweet words, things you craved so much that you soaked it up like a sponge.

That wasn't to say that you felt Yoongi didn't deserve your trust. While you may not have believed he could do anything at the time, it was now impossible to ignore how much effort Yoongi put in to ensure that your last days weren't in that shelter. And in that same vein, a lot could have been said for Hoseok's case, since he was the one who hurried to the shelter last minute to adopt you barely in time. Seokjin had told you about why it took so long, and how everything had lined up just perfectly. If it had taken one more day for the license to go through, or if they had taken you to the vet just one day earlier, there would have been nothing Hoseok could have done for you. So it absolutely wasn't lost on you that Hoseok was obviously more caring than your past owners. Neither of them would have made any effort to save you how he had done. Well, maybe your second Master, but that would have only been because you were a popular favorite and made him money.

You stayed in the living room to eat, but watched your brother in the kitchen. Hoseok had sat right next to him and was easily engaging him in conversation as they ate, smiling and laughing. Seokjin looked so happy and comfortable with him.

You weren't sure how long it'd take you to let your protective walls come down, but if there was one thing you knew as you observed the two in the kitchen, it was that you wanted to feel as happy as Jin looked.

One thing you had surprisingly little trouble with since being adopted was sleeping. Sure, you woke up at least once a night in a sweat, memories of the other day and drugs running through your system haunting you. But your brother was always right there, already holding you tight and assuring you that you were safe. So when the nightmare left you alone, you were able to sleep the best that you had in years.

By the time you would stir awake, Hoseok was either just about to or had already left for work, leaving you and Jin in the house by yourselves. This was the time when you felt the most relaxed and comfortable ever since coming here. Getting to be with your brother, no wall keeping you separated, and not worrying about learning to be comfortable around Hoseok.

Although today, you couldn't help but feel a little restless as the two of you cuddled on the couch and watched a show on TV that Jin proclaimed as his favorite.

Ever since dinner last night, you couldn't help but feel unsettled. Torn between your instincts yelling at you not to relax around your owner—a human who is supposed to be above you—and your desire to trust and get close to him. You of course knew Jin would never lead you astray, but after the years spent in that place, the time living day by day on the street, and then how poorly the shelter treated you, your instincts were rather hard to ignore at this point.

But seeing your brother so carefree and relaxed last night made you crave to be the same, not remembering the last time you could truly be worry-free.

When the door to the house opened, your owner having arrived home from work, you felt yourself subconsciously stiffen. You tried to not let it show too much, actively trying to work against your pesky instincts in an effort to make sure Hoseok didn't feel as concerned about making you uncomfortable.

Seokjin's grip around you loosened as he prepared to greet Hoseok when he would inevitably come into the living room. He probably expected you to move away from him as you had every day prior, distancing yourself so that Hoseok could approach your brother. However, you stayed right where you were, fists clenched to try to hold in some of the tension you felt from the need to keep away and protect yourself.

As the human's footsteps approached the room, you silently reprimanded the thoughts that insisted that you needed to keep your distance, that Hoseok wasn't safe. You had no reason to think he wasn't. No, you knew he wasn't a danger to you. You had more than enough observations with how he treated Seokjin to back that up and you were going to fight through this.

You kept your eyes locked on your hands, gripping tightly to the fabric of your pants as Hoseok entered the room. Despite not looking up, you could hear that he stopped for just a moment before finishing his path to the couch, slower than he had been walking before.

"Welcome home," Jin said in a light voice that must have been punctuated by his smile.

"Thank you, hyung," Hoseok responded, now standing next to the couch you were both sitting on. The light chuff from Jin let you know that his ears were receiving attention in greeting. “Did you guys have a nice day?”

“We did,” Seokjin responded, sounding a little sleepy. Both of you were huge suckers for physical affection.

When Jin leaned back toward you as he relaxed into the comfort of Hoseok's attention, you lifted your head up enough to see the smile that sat on your owner's face while he stared at Jin. Just a moment later his gaze flitted to you, and while his eyes widened from having not expected to meet your own, his smile didn't falter at all. In fact, it seemed to become even softer.

"Hi, noona," he greeted.

Your instincts were still screaming at you in your head, but you urged them as far back as you could to respond. "H-Hello," you said in a very quiet voice.

Hoseok's smile widened once more, thrilled that you were talking directly to him for what was probably the very first time.

"What did you do today?" he asked, still looking at you.

You glanced at your brother when he lifted away from you, Hoseok no longer petting him. Jin gave you a slight nod, encouraging you to answer.

"We- we mostly just watched TV," you replied.

“Oh?” Hoseok responded. “Is it that crime show that Jin says is his favorite?”

You nodded in confirmation. “It’s interesting.”

“Yeah, it is,” Hoseok agreed. “What show is your favorite, Y/n?”

“U-um,” you felt flustered, not really having an answer. “I don’t r-really have a favorite ye-yet.” Starting to feel a bit overwhelmed, you partially hid behind Jin.

“We’ve pretty much just watched the shows I recommend,” Seokjin replied.

“Well, you should let her browse through the shows, too,” Hoseok said. “Let her find stuff she likes too.”

Jin nodded before turning to you. “Okay. You can find a show you want to watch tomorrow, N/n.”

“Okay,” you mumbled in response.

Hoseok gave another smile before backing away a bit. “I’m going to go get comfortable and then make dinner, okay?”

“Sounds good,” Jin said, smiling back at him.

When Hoseok was out of the room, you relaxed. You were still feeling really nervous, but you could swear that you felt just slightly less anxious about Hoseok now.

Jin turned slightly to engulf you in his arms, tucking his head into your neck. “That was really good, N/n. I’m proud of you for doing such a good job.”

“It was hard,” you mumbled into his hair.

“I know,” he said. “But you still tried your best and you did so, so good. I’m so happy you’re trying.”

You chuffed, feeling proud that you made your brother happy. The two of you sat on the couch snuggling for a moment before Hoseok came out of his room, on the phone.

“I’d love to say yes,” you heard him say to the person on the other line, “but I don’t know if it’s a good idea, especially to bring Jungkook.”

You turned to look at him, cocking your head to the side in curiosity of what he was talking about. Jin followed your actions as well.

“You know how I adopted two hybrids recently?” Hoseok asked, quieter. Probably trying to keep you guys from hearing, or at least paying attention. But he’d have to be in another room behind a closed door for you not to hear with your strong senses. “One of them is still anxious at home, not used to me yet. I don’t think another human and his hybrid being in the house would be a good idea for her.”

You couldn’t help but feel a little warm at the idea that Hoseok was concerned about your comfort. Yet again confirming what your instincts were still having trouble accepting.

“I’m sorry, Jimin.” Both you and Jin perked up when you heard the name. “Maybe I could come over there? They’re brother and sister and are fine being alone together in the house, so it wouldn’t be a problem.”

“Jimin?” you asked, bringing Hoseok’s attention your way. That name was most definitely familiar to you.

“Oh. Yeah, Jimin is my friend,” he said to you.

“What’s Jimin’s last name?” Jin asked.

“Park,” Hoseok answered easily. “Why?”

You felt excited, and sensed that Jin was too.

“Have you told him our names?” your brother asked.

“No, I haven’t.” Hoseok looked a bit confused, but mostly curious now. “Why all the questions?”

“Tell him our names,” you said. “Please?”

He was most definitely primarily confused now, but still did as you asked. “Um, they’re asking me to tell you their names. I’m not sure why. But uh, the hybrids I adopted are called Seokjin and Y/n.”

He was silent for a moment while he listened to the Jimin on the other line, his brows furrowing at the response. “Yeah. I don’t think I mentioned their species to you before. How did you know that?” He pulled the phone away from his ear for a moment, cringing. Jimin on the other end was loud enough that you could hear him, but not quite what he was saying. “He wants me to put him on speaker,” Hoseok said, now talking to the two of you. “Is that okay?”

You quickly nodded, excited that maybe your suspicion was right, while Jin vocalized the affirmation.

Hoseok followed directions once more, holding the phone in front of him. “Okay, you’re on speaker now.”

“Jin-hyung? Y/n-noona?” Jimin’s voice came through the phone. It was definitely more mature than the last time you had heard it and distorted through the device, but there was no mistaking that that was your Jimin.

“Minnie?” you responded.

“Oh my gosh, is it really you guys?” Jimin asked.

“Yes,” Jin responded for you. “Yes, it’s us. And we know it’s you, we’d recognize your voice anywhere.”

“I can’t believe this,” Jimin breathed out, a light laugh sitting on his voice. “What are the chances?”

“Okay, anyone want to fill me in here?” Hoseok asked, eyebrows raised.

“Hyung, you remember the hybrids I told you about when we were kids?” Jimin asked Hoseok. “The brother and sister tiger hybrids that I grew up with? Their names were Seokjin and Y/n.”

Hoseok’s eyes widened. “The ones that your parents sold when we were teens?”

“Yes,” Jimin confirmed. “I can’t believe this. I know the chances of this being a different sibling pair of tiger hybrids with the same names are basically impossible, but Hobi hyung can you turn on video? If they’re okay with it. I just- I need to see it with my own eyes.”

Hoseok looked to the two of you for permission, which you both easily gave. “Would you use your video too?” Jin asked.

“Of course,” Jimin responded.

Hoseok obeyed once more, adding video to the call and turning the phone around so you could see the screen. A moment later, an older version of a familiar face appeared, smiling brightly.

“It really is you guys,” Jimin said. “I can’t- Oh my gosh. I have to come over now. Can I?”

“Yes!” you immediately responded.

You heard a voice in the background of Jimin’s end of the call. “Hyung?” he said. “You seem really happy.”

“I am, Kookie,” Jimin answered, turning to the source of the voice off camera. “The hybrids Hobi hyung adopted are the ones that I grew up with. That my parents sold before they got you.”

“Seriously?” the voice asked, sounding a little bit closer.

“Yeah,” Jimin said before turning back to the phone. “Guys, if I come over, is it okay if I bring Kookie? He’s my hybrid. He’s a German Shepherd, but I promise he’s friendly. He won’t cause fights or anything. He knows that place is your territory and won’t try challenging you or anything. I’d really like for you guys to meet him if you are okay with that.”

You looked to Jin to see what he thought, and when he met your gaze and smiled, you knew that both of you were okay with that. “Yeah, that’s fine,” you said. “We’d love to meet him. I’m so excited to see you again, Minnie.”

“I’m really excited too!” he exclaimed.

“Well, looks like we’re having a reunion at my house,” Hoseok chuckled. “Alright guys, sorry but I really should get to making dinner now. I guess we’ll see you tomorrow, Jimin.”

“See you guys tomorrow!” Jimin said cheerfully, waving at the screen before the call ended.

You couldn’t wait.

Hoseok informed you later that he and Jimin worked together, and that after a quick stop home to pick up Jungkook, he’d be here not too long after Hoseok got home himself. You didn’t have enough courage to sit at the table with Hoseok and Jin for dinner, but you did feel just a tad more comfortable than the previous day. Especially when your mind was on tomorrow.

You and Jin could hardly contain your excitement over being reunited with Jimin after so many years. The two of you spent the day using that energy to clean up around the house, making sure it was perfect for your special guest. Hoseok was a very organized person, so it wasn’t like the house was by any means a mess. But between the two of you, you made sure that there wasn’t a speck of dust anywhere and everything was perfectly in its place.

When Hoseok got home, he was surprised to see the two of you running around the house, ensuring last minute that you hadn’t missed anything. He chuckled to himself, giving Jin his usual greeting pet as he passed him in the hallway, and throwing a smile your way which you easily returned. You were way too excited to be anxious about being around Hoseok today.

It felt like an eternity, but was really only about fifteen minutes later that there was a knock at the door. Jin held your hand, keeping either of you from rushing to the door and overwhelming the hybrid that you could already smell on the other side. Hoseok calmly approached the door to let them in himself.

Your tail twitched behind you, unable to contain your nerves at seeing your first friend, the first human you ever trusted, after you had thought you’d never see him again when his parents sold you years ago.

As soon as the door opened, you could see Jimin searching around to find you, a smile brightening his face once he did. You were just about to rush to envelop him in a hug, wanting to scent him in an expression of how much you missed him, how happy you were to be able to see him again, when the scent hit you.

The scent that let you know that Jimin was mated, that another hybrid had lay their claim on him. Being able to smell without the interference of a wall between you, it was quickly obvious that it was the hybrid Jimin brought with him who had mated him. Jin hesitated beside you as well, both of you unsure if you were allowed to express any kind of affection toward him with his hybrid mate there.

But the worry was quickly dissolved when Jimin made his way right over to you and pulled both of you into a tight hug, saying “I missed you guys so much.”

You eyed the dog hybrid who slowly approached the three of you, making sure he didn’t show any signs of aggression before making any moves. But when he shyly smiled back, you knew that at least this level of affection was considered fine and relaxed into Jimin’s hold, still being careful not to scent.

“We thought we’d never see you again,” Jin said.

“I know, me too,” Jimin replied, his grip tightening just a bit before releasing. When he pulled back, you could see tears starting to pool in his eyes. “I was so worried when my parents said they sold you guys. I had no idea who bought you or what happened to you. But I guess I didn’t really need to worry.”

You smiled tightly, not wanting to make him upset, but not being able to recall your second owner without a shiver running down your spine.

Behind Jimin, the hybrid cleared his throat.

“Oh! I’m sorry, Kookie,” Jimin said, moving away from you and Seokjin. “This is my hybrid, Jungkook. Jungkook, this is Seokjin-hyung and Y/n-noona.”

Jimin linked his arm through Jungkook’s as the hybrid bowed slightly. “It’s very nice to meet you,” he said. “I’ve heard a lot about you from Jimin-hyung.”

“It’s nice to meet you too, Jungkook,” you said, smiling as you took a good look at him. He was tall, almost as tall as Jin, and looked really strong. You could tell that Jimin felt safe with him, and were curious to learn more about the two of them. You remembered from the call yesterday Jimin said something about his parents buying Jungkook, but he was clearly now Jimin’s hybrid and mate and there were a lot of questions left in the middle for you. Particularly about his parents.

Your little group followed Hoseok into the living room when he suggested that you all sit in there to chat. Jimin sat down first, and you were kind of shocked to see Jungkook go to sit at the loveseat instead of on the couch right next to his mate. You looked at the empty spot on the couch, tail twitching as you contemplated if you should sit there.

“You guys should sit with Jimin-hyung,” Jungkook said when both you and Seokjin hesitated. “I can tell how much you guys miss him.”

“But, you’re-” Jin started, but stopped when Jungkook shook his head.

“It’s fine,” the dog hybrid said. “I know I can trust you guys with him.”

You looked back to Jimin, who reached out for your hand, gently guiding you to sit next to him. “It’s okay,” he said. “He’s not very territorial.” He reached out to Jin as well. “Protective, sure. But he knows that you guys were like family to me, and trusts me to have good judgement, too.”

Hoseok sat on the loveseat with Jungkook, the hybrid snuggling into his arm. You felt all of the tension from being worried about overstepping dissipate due to both Jimin’s words and seeing how easygoing Jungkook seemed. You relaxed into Jimin’s side, letting out a happy chuff at smelling his familiar scent.

“What’s the story with you and Jungkook?” Seokjin asked first. His posture on the other side of Jimin resembled yours.

“My parents adopted him not too long after they sold you guys,” Jimin said, reaching his hands up to run through your hair and scratching at the base of your ears. “I was so mad at them when I found out about you. I hoped you knew that I had no clue. If I did, I would have fought them tooth and nail not to do it. And if I failed, I at least would have made sure to say goodbye to you. But I didn’t even get to do that, and I was so angry. It had been about six months or so of me being a moody teenager and hanging that over their heads before they decided that getting a new hybrid would settle me down.”

“They also thought that getting a ‘guard dog’”—Jungkook used a hand to make air quotes around the phrase—“would help keep him in line. But I’m not really aggressive at all, never have been. I knew other German Shepherds that were, but I’ve just always channeled that part of me into protecting people I care about.”

“They still treated him pretty much the same way they did you guys,” Jimin continued. “Like he was some kind of servant, but then a glorified pet whenever it suited them. Showed him off to their friends and ordered him around all the time. They asked him to do things he was uncomfortable with, too. Treated him like a showpiece sometimes. By that point, you know I was a teen, so I had understood more of what was going on and was able to keep them from being too harsh, but I knew that as soon as I left for college I couldn’t help him anymore.”

You curled further into Jimin’s side, remembering your own time at the Park’s. They had adopted you and Seokjin when you were around 9 years old and Jimin was 6. Jimin was fascinated by the two of you at first, but he never treated you poorly. He always wanted to play with you and acted like you were his real siblings.

But his parents had different ideas. They gave you a small room to share, hardly bigger than a closet. You didn’t even get offered a larger room as you got older, despite the fact that there were plenty of rooms in their big house that weren’t being used. They would let it go for the first few years when they’d catch you playing with Jimin here and there, but as you all got older you’d get scolded more and more for it.

When they had events to go to or friends came to visit them, they’d show you off and you were expected to stay silent and listen to everything they asked of you the whole time. If you acted out or disobeyed even a little, the punishments would be worse than any others. And when you were at home, you were expected to spend the day cleaning. They had some hired help, primarily a cook and gardener. But as for anything in regard to cleaning, that was something you two were expected to do as soon as you were adopted.

Jin had always been a little taller than you, but at that age it was rather dumb to expect your little legs and arms to be able to reach the high-up shelves or cabinets that needed cleaning. You’d climb on each other’s shoulders to reach those spots once you learned that even that was expected of you.

So they didn’t exactly treat you the best. As Jimin said they expected of Jungkook as well, you were like servants at home and glorified pets to show off outside of the house or with their friends. But it took Jimin quite a few years to realize how his parents had treated you, having been quite young even compared to you when you were adopted. Once he did realize, he felt terrible and he really did try to help you out, but he could really only do so much.

Then, when they felt like you were being too much of a bad influence on their son and no longer had any use for you, they got rid of you. Didn’t care who took you off their hands as long as they were paid well. The two of you were just barely 17 when that happened, Jimin only 14 years old.

Despite not liking how his parents treated you, Jimin was always wonderful. He’d always been sweet, enjoyed spending time with you both, and treated you just like he would have any other friends or family. It may not have been perfect, but that was still the best place you had lived in your lives, at least before Hoseok adopted you.

“Jungkook and I…” Jimin started, seeming to think hard about his words. “He was when I realized I liked boys. I didn’t really notice before then, or care to, I guess. And it wasn’t like it happened right away, but after a while I realized that I cared about him differently than how I cared about you guys. I knew my parents would be mad, so I kept it a secret. Jungkook was shy about it at first, but he said he was able to tell because of my scent that I had… less than platonic feelings for him. But he felt the same so we would sneak kisses and hold hands when we were alone.” Jimin smiled at the memories.

“I tried convincing my parents to let Jungkook come with me when I went to college, but they refused,” Jimin continued. “I was able to stall going for a year, and then before I went the following year, Jungkook and I decided that I should be his mate. It was a little drastic at the time, and ideally I probably would have wanted to wait a little longer before dedicating myself to one person like that, but I was desperate. I had heard my parents planning to sell him, and we just couldn’t handle the thought of being separated. So, he marked me as his mate, and then they had no choice but to let him come with me.”

That was one of the other hybrid laws that had been passed – that a hybrid and their mate couldn’t be forced to separate if it was consensual on both ends. It was really a great law overall, but there were times when people attempted to abuse it and the cases had to be investigated. Sometimes, a human would force a hybrid to mate with them to not allow them to leave. But those usually end up happening when the human was already at risk of losing the hybrid so the cases were easily taken care of and tended to work in the hybrid’s favor more often than not.

Being separated from a mate for a long time could be difficult for a hybrid, causing their instincts to scream to be with them and making them distressed. But, if a hybrid ended up being mated to someone they didn’t care about or that they felt unsafe with, survival instincts would override their mating ones and they wouldn’t have an issue staying away. So in the cases when humans attempted to abuse the law, the hybrid wouldn’t have any problem staying away from them, and eventually the mate bond would dissolve and they could start a new one if they ever wished to.

“It didn’t really go over that well,” Jungkook chimed in. “They were so mad. Well, not so much mad as disgusted with us. They called Jimin all these names, and I- well, I’m just glad I have a lot of self-control because I really felt like clawing their faces off when I heard them insulting him and our relationship. And then they told him that he wasn’t their son anymore.”

Jimin nodded solemnly, grip in your hair tightening a little. “And they really weren’t lying. They refused to give me any money or help and told me ‘Good luck succeeding on your own.’ Luckily for me, my first year of college was already paid for, including an apartment near the campus for me. They couldn’t take it back, so I still got to start and I just made sure to get a job and started saving up so I could keep going. And I really did have good luck. Still got a great education and started up my own business with Hobi hyung that’s doing really well. Plus, I have Jungkook with me.”

During the pause that followed, Jin quietly asked, “Do you regret it?”

Jimin turned to him, brows furrowed. “Regret what? Mating with Jungkook?”

Jin flattened his ears as he glanced at the dog hybrid before gently nodding.

“Not at all,” Jimin answered without hesitation. “It may have been a bit early to do it at the time, but I love Jungkook with all my heart and if we hadn’t done it then, we still would have years ago. We just didn’t really have much of a choice, if we wanted to stay together.”

“But then your parents still tried tearing us apart,” Jungkook said, burrowing into Hoseok’s shoulder for comfort as his scent soured in distress over whatever memories were coming to mind.

“Come here, baby,” Jimin said to Jungkook, reaching an arm out toward him. Jungkook uncurled from Hoseok’s side, approaching the couch. You moved to the side a bit to give room for Jungkook before Jimin pulled him into his lap. “The important thing is that they couldn’t.”

“What happened?” you tentatively asked.

“They submitted a report saying that I forced him to mate me,” Jimin said. Jungkook looked small as he tucked himself further into Jimin’s embrace. “In all honesty, I had wanted to try to look for the two of you, see what happened to you and maybe adopt you if I could. But once a report like that enters the system, it takes a long time to no longer affect your record. They investigated and of course came to the conclusion that it was consensual and we were happy together, but even to this day, that mark against my record still prohibits me from looking into adopting any other hybrids.”

“The good thing that came out of it is that your parents ended up getting blacklisted themselves,” Jungkook said, a smile stretching on his face. “We submitted counterclaims about how they treated me, and Jimin’s accounts of how you two had been treated before. What really caught their eye from that was the fact that when they sold you, it wasn’t a legal transaction. The name they transferred you to on your files was an alias and there was no way to track it. They should have done it through the official system to ensure that didn’t happen. So that on top of our accounts of how they treated me and you two, they’re not allowed to do anything related to hybrids ever again.”

You felt relieved at that knowledge. While you knew from personal experience that there were far worse people out there, they still weren’t people who should have hybrids.

“Which is one of the reasons why I’ve been worried about what happened to you guys after they sold you,” Jimin said, frowning. “They said that it was mostly people involved in black markets and who don’t treat hybrids well that hid themselves in those kinds of transactions and with aliases. And especially with your breed, they didn’t like the look of it. But after my case was done they couldn’t keep me informed and I could never look into it myself.”

You inched a bit closer to Jimin, nervous of touching too much with Jungkook right there, but couldn’t help wanting the comfort. When Jungkook gave no sign of wanting you to stay away, you snuggled into Jimin’s arm, releasing just a bit of your scent but not too much to let it linger on him.

Jungkook straightened up a bit, and you flinched, concerned that you did cross a line. But instead of being defensive, he looked at you concerned. “You smell distressed,” he said. “What’s wrong?”

Jimin looked at you, then turned to Jin who must have had a similar expression to you. “Hyung? Noona?” Jimin asked, concerned. “What’s wrong?”

“It was a black market,” your brother mumbled into Jimin’s shirt. “He wasn’t a good person.”

You instantly felt both Jimin and Jungkook tense up, while Hoseok’s scent turned bitter as well. Everyone remained silent for a moment, the others in the room processing the new information.

“What-” Hoseok was the one to finally speak the question they were all curious about. “What did they do?”

“Was a Hybrid House,” you said in a small voice. Jimin let go of Jungkook and wrapped an arm each around you and Seokjin, holding you as tightly as he could. “We were there for a while. Not sure how long, though. Days blended together a lot. I guess it was about three or four years before we managed to escape.”

“House?” Jungkook asked, getting off Jimin’s lap so he could look at you all more clearly. “What’s a Hybrid House?”

“It’s not a good place,” Hoseok answered. “I have never been to one, and never will be. But I’ve heard about them. It’s-” you could feel his gaze on you and Jin before he breathed deeply and continued. “It’s a place where people will pay to receive… certain services from hybrids.”

“Certain servi-” Jungkook started, before his face lit up in realization. “Oh.” He turned back to the three of you, now snuggled even closer together on the couch, sadness tainting his scent. “Oh my gosh.”

“I’m so sorry,” Jimin said, voice thick with emotion. “I’m so, so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” Seokjin assured him, tucking in closer to him. “At the very least, we still had each other. We were put in the same room together and we took care of each other.”

A heavy silence hung in the room for a few long moments before Jimin asked, “How did you get out?”

“They forgot to lock the door one night,” you said. “Jinnie was the one who noticed. So when we knew they were all asleep, we snuck out.”

“We almost got caught, too,” Jin added. “But even though we weren’t in the best of shape, there was no way they could catch up to two tiger hybrids.”

“We were living on the street for a little while before Hybrid Patrol picked us up and sent us to that shelter,” you added. “Probably about half a year?” You glanced over to Jin, asking for confirmation.

“Yeah, that sounds about right,” he confirmed. “No way to know for sure since we didn’t exactly have a way of keeping track of time.”

“And then you were in the shelter for three years,” Hoseok supplied.

Jin nodded. “And now we’re here. And Hoseok is really amazing, and now we even get to see you again, Jimin. This is the happiest I’ve ever been.” Both you and Jin chuffed happily at his words.

You could feel Jimin smile as the tension in the room started dissipating. “Hobi hyung said something about one of you still being uncomfortable?”

“Oh.” Jin sat a little straighter. “It’s Y/n. But don’t blame her, she’s been through so much.”

“The both of you have,” Jimin supplied.

“I mean yeah, but she had it even worse,” Jin insisted. “There was nothing I could do to help her when-”

“Don’t worry about it,” you interjected quickly, throwing Jin a look that told him you didn’t want him to continue. It already haunted you enough every day and in your nightmares, but there was nothing anyone could do so you didn’t want them to feel any worse for you about it.

But that definitely didn’t stop the rest from being curious.

“What happened, noona?” Jimin gently asked you.

You just hid your face in his shoulder, shaking your head. “It’s personal,” you said.

Jimin sighed, but said, “Okay,” as he brought his other arm around to fully engulf you in a hug.

Being fully embraced, you instinctively started to scent Jimin, but quickly stopped in your tracks, the scent of him being mated reminding you it was a bad idea.

But then, “If it makes you more comfortable, it’s okay to scent him, noona,” Jungkook offered. “I don’t mind, really. I know you’re not trying to claim him, and to be honest your and hyung’s scents are really nice.”

You didn’t question his permission, taking that as more than enough reason to relax and scent Jimin like you wanted to ever since he stood at the doorway.

“I’m trying, though,” you mumbled.

“Hm? What do you mean?” Jimin asked.

“I’m trying to do better with Hoseok,” you said, slightly turning to glance at him. “It’s just that, I kind of learned that hybrids are below their owners and I am naturally afraid of people after everything. But I know he’s not a bad person. Jinnie wouldn’t be so comfortable with him, and he wouldn’t have gone out of his way to save me if he wasn’t. So I’m trying to do better.”

“She opened up a little more yesterday,” Hoseok said, smiling. “We had our first proper conversation. It was short, but it made me really happy.”

“That’s good to hear,” Jimin said.

You nodded. “And now I know that you’re friends,” you said. “I don’t feel nervous at all right now with you around.”

Jimin giggled a little at that. “I’m glad to know. Maybe I can come around more often, then? If it’ll help you open up with Hobi hyung more.”

“Maybe,” Hoseok said. “I’m sure they’d really like to see you more, with your history. I still find it amazing that the hybrids I adopted ended up being the same ones you would tell me about when we were kids, though,” he laughed.

“Yeah, it’s a pretty crazy coincidence, huh?” Jimin said.

Jin had been looking to be in thought for a little bit, and suddenly he spoke up. “If people she’s comfortable with help, then maybe we could see if Yoongi could come over too?”

You perked up at that, sitting up straighter.

“I think she likes that idea,” Jungkook chuckled.

“I could give him a call,” Hoseok offered. “See if he could come by one day. I’m sure he’d like to see how you guys are doing after everything he did for you.”

“Who’s Yoongi?” Jimin asked.

“He’s a worker from the shelter,” Hoseok responded. “From what Jin-hyung has told me, he was always really nice to them. And he also did a lot to make sure noona was safe, and that I got there to adopt her in time.”

“In time?” Jimin asked. “What happened?”

So you talked about some of your time at the shelter. About the employees who were rude and harsh with you. Yoongi who was a blessing in such a dark place. When Hoseok came to adopt Seokjin. When your date was moved up and Yoongi quickly worked to make sure they didn’t harm you.

Jimin and Jungkook were obviously sad to hear about how difficult of a time it was for you, but whenever you or Jin talked about Yoongi they smiled. Jimin commented about how kind he seemed and how glad he was that you had him there to help you through at least some of it. And more than anything, he was glad that you two were now safe, had a good home and a kind owner who he knew would take good care of you.

Jungkook was really sweet, as well. After you finished talking about the past, he started chatting a bit more. He was a little goofy and had an interesting sense of humor, and was really nice. It was a little surprising that he was so comfortable around two predator hybrids in what was technically their territory, but you had a feeling it had something to do with how at ease Jimin was with the two of you.

Jimin and Jungkook were obviously so happy with each other. When you and Seokjin had scented Jimin enough to make you feel better about missing him for so long and finally separated from his side later that evening, Jungkook remained glued to him. He seemed to be a bit careful to not completely cover up your scents, knowing that it was more of a family or pack thing for the two of you than anything else, but he most definitely became much more touchy with him.

Jungkook was really such a considerate mate. Especially with certain hybrid breeds, you would expect them to be very territorial and not like other hybrids’ scents on their mate no matter what. But probably from years of stories about how close Jimin was with you and Seokjin, he must have understood that there was no threat with you and accepted that you were essentially family, regardless if you had officially met prior to today.

With the comfort and ease of being reunited with Jimin, on top of Jungkook’s hospitality, you really did find it much easier to be more open with Hoseok. You all ate dinner at the table together, and at one point you had even sat next to Hoseok on the couch. You were all snuggled out then, so you didn’t look for any affection. And while he wasn’t tense or uncomfortable, he didn’t attempt to give you any either, probably wanting to make sure to not breach your boundaries.

Hoseok also contacted Yoongi in the evening, asking if he’d like to stop by sometime soon to see you and Seokjin. He had taken a while to respond back, but when he did you were thrilled for Hoseok to let you know that he said he’d love to stop by soon.

Despite digging into the parts of your past that you try not to think too hard about, today was easily the best day you’d had in so, so long. You had your brother, Jimin who you considered family and his mate, and your new kind owner all with you. Almost everyone who was family was there. It would have been perfect if only Yoongi was there, too.

Well, almost perfect. But you had accepted a while ago that the last three family you wished could be there were probably lost to you forever, no matter how much you craved to hold them in your arms.

After that day, you did find yourself opening up with Hoseok even more quickly. It was only two days later that you let him pet you for the first time. The following day when you unintentionally chuffed happily when he did it again. And by now, all three of you ate at the table together with no fuss or issues.

You found yourself feeling so much more relaxed at home, and it made you a lot happier. But, you still couldn’t ignore that you missed Yoongi a lot. Something about being apart from him for what was two weeks now was really getting to you, almost like a piece of yourself was missing.

You were also starting to feel really achy. You had mentioned it to Seokjin, and he said he’d been feeling the same. He figured at first that it was just him getting used to the new, actually comfortable bed, but it got a little worse every day. You thought maybe you should let Hoseok know, maybe something was wrong. But you didn’t want to impose on him, making him spend money on a hybrid vet for you.

Today the aches were really bad so you decided to take a nap, hoping you would feel better after some rest. You rarely took naps, usually just slept at night with your brother. But he wasn’t tired, so you napped by yourself while he was no doubt watching some show on TV as usual. When his comforting presence was next to you while sleeping, you didn’t have nightmares as frequently so you tried not to sleep without him very much now that you had the chance to. But today, you just felt like you couldn’t avoid it.

Unsurprisingly, the nightmares came. The most haunting memory from your time spent at the Hybrid House was what your mind chose to torment you with this time.

While unexpected, you were given a gift that you wanted to keep oh so badly. But you knew that they wouldn’t let you. You knew that once the time was up and the gift had arrived, it’d be ripped away from you just as quickly. You hoped to at least hold them, get your scent on them even a little. But no, they didn’t even allow you that.

As soon as the three little miracles arrived, they were ripped away from you. Despite your exhaustion, your insides screamed, your mind recognizing they were in danger and that you needed to protect them. You yelled for the people to give them back, to please not take them away. You promised to take good care of them, they wouldn’t get in the way.

But alas, there was only one reason you were allowed to even go through with this. And it most certainly wasn’t so that you could keep them.

Just as you had when it happened, you screamed and thrashed around in your nightmare. Yelling for them to bring them back, that you needed them. That they needed you.

You were abruptly woken up from the nightmare, but still so high on your emotions and disoriented, you didn’t comprehend that you were no longer in that place.

“My cubs! Bring my cubs back!” you wailed, thrashing for another moment before your eyes registered your surroundings.

Your heart began to slow down, realizing that there were no threats around, that you had been merely dreaming. You looked around you, expecting the hand on your shoulder that shook you awake to belong to Seokjin as it usually was. But when you turned to look, it wasn’t him that had woken you from your agitated dream state.

It was Yoongi.

Your eyes widened, realizing that he had heard you cry about cubs, and fear welled in you over the questions that were bound to come.

“It’s okay, Y/n,” he said, voice calm as he pulled you closer to him in a gentle but protective embrace. “You’re safe, no one is hurting you.”

“Wha-what are you doing here?” you asked.

“I had let Hoseok know earlier that I was able to come by today and he said that was fine,” Yoongi responded. “I’m sorry for shocking you. I guess he didn’t get to tell you.”

You breathed in his warm earthy scent that you had missed so much, letting it wash over you and calm you down. You let your senses fill with nothing but Yoongi, Yoongi, Yoongi, nearly forgetting about the memory you had just relived.

After a few minutes when Yoongi could tell you had calmed down enough, Yoongi loosened his grip enough to look you in the face. “What was your nightmare about?” he asked, his low timbre soft and relaxing. “You said something about cubs?”

You tensed back up a little, knowing you didn’t really have a way out of this. You nodded, not trusting your voice at the moment.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He ran one of his hands through your hair, scratching at the spot behind your ears that he knew would soothe and keep you relaxed.

You turned your head to hide your face in his chest again, unsure of how you wanted to answer.

Just a moment later, you heard someone else walk into the room, Seokjin’s citrus scent reaching your nose. “Is she okay?” he asked.

“I think so,” Yoongi responded. “She was definitely having a nightmare, but”- he hesitated for a brief moment –“she said something about… cubs? Do you know anything about that, hyung?”

You tilted your head up to look at your brother, his eyes meeting yours in a silent question. You hesitated still, so he remained silent as well.

Yoongi hummed. “Okay. I understand, it’s something that must be a sensitive topic, and based on the subject I don’t doubt it is. I won’t force you to talk about anything.” He let out a breath as he thought. “But I want you to know that if there’s something wrong, I might be able to help you. I understand if you don’t want to talk, but if you do then maybe it’s something I can help with.”

“Help?” Seokjin asked in a soft voice. “What do you mean help?”

“I came here because yes, I did want to see you guys and how you were doing,” Yoongi said, “but I also had something I wanted to tell you. I couldn’t risk saying anything while you were at the shelter, and had to make sure I could trust Hoseok first as well, but I’m positive that I can so now I wanted to explain something to you. Let me do that first, okay?” He turned back to you. “Then, if you decide after that that you want to tell me about your nightmare, then you can. But only if you want. Sounds good?”

You thought for a moment, eyes still on your brother who tightly smiled at you, before nodding.

“Okay,” Yoongi said. “How about we go out to the living room? I want to say this to Hoseok as well.”

You moved to stand up, Yoongi holding onto your hand to support you along the way, and Jin joining your other side with a hand on your back as you began walking out of the room.

“Is everything okay?” Hoseok asked, a concerned look on his face and standing up as you entered the living room.

“She had a nightmare,” Yoongi said, thankfully vaguely. “She’ll be fine.”

“Does that happen a lot?” Hoseok asked.

“Most nights,” Jin answered. “It’s not as bad now as before, when I’m there with her. But sometimes they are still bad.”

The three of you sat down together on the couch, your brother on one side of you and Yoongi on the other.

“But we’ll talk about that in a little bit, right noona?” Yoongi asked, hand returning to its place by your ears. You nodded in response. “I have something I actually wanted to talk to you about today,” Yoongi said.

“Oh, okay,” Hoseok said. “Sure, what’s up?”

“I wanted to tell you guys about my real job,” Yoongi said.

“Real job?” you asked. “What do you mean real job?”

He took in a breath before replying, “I don’t actually work for the shelter. I mean, I’m technically employed there, they think I work for them. But I don’t.”

Seokjin furrowed his eyebrows, expressing everyone’s confusion. “What do you mean you don’t work for them?”

“I’m there undercover,” Yoongi said. “My mission is to gather as much evidence as I can so that my real boss can submit a court case against the shelter and get it shut down.”

You were still pretty confused, but Hoseok seemed like he understood better than you, expression lighting up. “You mean, you work for one of those places that help hybrids? Like, rescue them from bad owners, shut down black markets and bad shelters, stuff like that?”

“Yes, exactly,” Yoongi confirmed. “Being in that place is absolute hell,” he said, rubbing his face. “I hate watching how they treat the hybrids there, and the people there are disgusting. Well, at least most of them. I think that the vet is being made to work there somehow based on what he said to me when I took Y/n there that day. And not everyone knows everything that goes on there. But I’m going to be so glad when I get enough evidence and don’t need to deal with those people anymore.”

“Oh, so you are there because you want to get them shut down?” you asked. “Because they’re bad?”

“Yes,” Yoongi said, turning to you. “That’s why I always seemed different than the others to you. Not every shelter is that bad, even the other ones that should be shut down as well. Most shelters have more people who are sympathetic and don’t treat hybrids like animals without even letting them be animals. But that one, it’s one of the worst in the region, and we’ve tried to get them shut down before but apparently didn’t have enough evidence to. So they sent me in to work from the inside and I’ve slowly been gathering evidence. You’d be surprised how hard it is to shut down these kinds of places. They need mountains of proof of abuse to even consider it.”

“So that’s why it’s taking so long then?” Seokjin supplied. “Because you’ve been there for at least a year.”

“Precisely. We think we almost have enough evidence. Once my boss tells me that I can get out of there, I’m booking it.”

“That explains why you worked so hard to make sure noona got out of there, too,” Hoseok added.

“No matter who it was, I would have tried my best to keep that from happening to them,” Yoongi answered. “But I won’t lie and say I didn’t develop a soft spot for Y/n.” He turned to you and smiled. “I call her my Daylily.”

You felt yourself blush at the admission. “I still don’t know what that means,” you mumbled.

“But I told you you’d have time to figure it out, didn’t I?”

You smiled, remembering how confident he was that you wouldn’t spend your last day in that shelter when you had given up all hope. “You did.”

“So, what I’m saying is that I work for a company that helps hybrids,” Yoongi summarized. He looked at you, conviction in his gaze. “If there’s hybrids in need then we want to help however we can. And if you know someone who needs help, I will do everything I can to see what we can do.”

You felt a lump in your throat. You knew what he was talking about. Your cubs. The cubs that you didn’t outright admit to having, but he must have been pretty sure exist after hearing you wake from your nightmare. Looking to your brother, you saw his eyes wide with hope, but he stayed silent, wanting you to take that first step to ask.

“My cubs,” you whispered, sure that it was quiet enough that Hoseok couldn’t hear. “You could find them?”

“Maybe,” Yoongi replied, rubbing comforting circles on your back with his hand. “I can’t say for sure, but I could let my team know that there are hybrid children in need. But if we’re going to look for them, I need you to give me as much information as possible.”

Your ears flattened to your head, unsure if you could talk about what happened. Looking to Jin for support, he offered you a soft smile and reached his hand out to grasp yours.

“Do you want me to tell him? And are you okay with Hoseok hearing?” Jin asked.

You bit your lip, anxious about anyone knowing at all, but knowing that it was best to tell them for the sake of your babies. You ultimately nodded, turning into your brother for comfort. This was something that you couldn’t get through without him.

He didn’t hesitate to pull you fully into his lap, you making yourself small as you tucked your legs in and hid your face in his neck, scenting him.

“We told Hoseok about this recently,” Jin started. “About our second owner. Where we were before we escaped and lived on the street for a bit. It was a Hybrid House.”

Yoongi’s eyes widened in shock before his mouth downturned, sadness dulling his scent. “I always wondered,” he mumbled. “I never wanted to ask.”

“We had to have been there a few years before it happened,” Jin said. “We told them that Y/n couldn’t take any male patrons, that she was too close to her breeding cycle. But the guy requesting her was a regular and she was his favorite. He always requested her, and wouldn't take anyone else. And they didn’t want to turn him away, so they took her to the room. There were always things for protection provided in the rooms, but customers rarely used them. Y/n told me she even asked him to, told him she was too close, but he didn’t care. He…. He hit her for even suggesting it.”

You could feel both Yoongi and Hoseok gradually tensing up as your brother talked, the former scooting a little closer to you to place a hand on your knee comfortingly.

There were many unpleasant memories from your time there, but most of them blurred together. A bunch of people who didn’t care if they hurt you, people who liked odd things that you were uncomfortable with but had to do anyway. People who intentionally hurt you. But that day will always remain separate in your mind. That was the day that you were bred.

“A week later, I could smell that she was pregnant,” Seokjin said. “We were so scared. We knew from the small interactions with others at the House that if that ever happened, they didn’t let it finish. There was no way of hiding it, but trying to tell a hybrid that they weren’t allowed to keep their babies rarely ever went over well. We decided that it was better if we told them sooner rather than later, make sure that Y/n at least wouldn’t be at risk of getting as hurt.

“But,” Seokjin continued, sighing shakily, “when we told them, they decided they weren’t going to do that. That they’d let her have the babies because we’re a highly sought after breed. They wanted her to have the babies so that they could take them away from her as soon as they were born and sell them.” You couldn’t help the tear that fell when your brother said it like that.

“And what’s even more sick is-“ he paused, glancing at you before he said what he wanted to. You knew what he was thinking about, his rising anger obvious to you. You nodded, letting him know it was okay to say. “They advertised her for the fact that she was pregnant. It was a thing some of the patrons liked and wanted her for. Even when she was close to finishing her term, they didn’t care. They still had her working.”

The anger in the room wasn’t only coming from your brother anymore, but also the two humans. It didn’t necessarily scare you since your natural instincts were to fight back in the case of an aggressive threat, but it did make you feel insecure and you curled up further.

“And just as they promised, once she delivered the babies, they were taken from her,” Jin pushed out through clenched teeth. “They didn’t let her scent them, or even hold them before they took them from her. Just took them to sell them off as soon as possible.” Seokjin took in a shaky breath. “We don’t know what happened to them.”

“How many?” Yoongi gently asked.

“Three,” you replied. “Two boys and a girl.”

Yoongi nodded before looking into your eyes. “I’m so sorry they did that to you. Places like that shouldn’t even exist, and no one ever has any right to forcibly take someone’s child away from them.” He breathed deeply, seeming to gather his emotions before he spoke again. “If we’re going to have any chance of finding them, I’ll need to know a rough time frame of when this happened. Your files say when you were transferred to this second owner, and when you were picked up off the street. But anything in between isn’t going to be there. How long before you guys escaped did you have the cubs?”

You thought for a moment. “I want to say it was probably about two months?”

Jin nodded. “That sounds about right. And then we were on the street for probably six months or so.”

“Okay so about eight months before you would have been taken to the shelter,” Yoongi summarized. “I can work with that. I’m assuming that the person who bought you from your first family used a false name to stay hidden since he was involved in a black market. But with that information and with my team, we may be able to trace it back to who it was and where this House may have been.” He paused, squeezing your leg a little tighter where his hand rested. “Thank you for telling me all this,” he said. “I promise that we’ll try to find them.”

“You will?” you asked, feeling emotional. Was it possible that you could really see your cubs again?

“I promise we’ll do our best,” Yoongi said.

You leapt out of Jin’s lap and into Yoongi’s, wrapping your arms around him tightly and scenting him out of gratitude. “Thank you, Yoongi. Thank you, thank you,” you mumbled, a few tears rolling down your cheeks as he held onto you to keep you from falling out of his lap.

You couldn’t believe that Yoongi, the angel that he was, could possibly give you the chance to find out what happened to your cubs, and maybe even the chance to see them once more. It was the best thing you could ever ask for.

“Anything for you, Daylily,” he whispered back, quietly enough that Hoseok wouldn’t have been able to hear.

Speaking of Hoseok, he hadn’t spoken for a while. You turned to look at him, seeing a really blank expression on his face with his fists clenched, bunching up the material of his pants.

Jin followed your gaze. “Hobi?” he asked.

“You didn’t deserve any of that,” Hoseok said quietly. “Neither of you deserve anything that you’ve been through. Being sold to that House, being forced onto the street because of it, the shelter… It all makes me so angry that humans thinking they’re so much better than hybrids causes so much unnecessary suffering with people who don’t deserve any of it.”

“That’s why I chose my job,” Yoongi said. “I couldn’t stand it so much that I wanted to do something to help. And unfortunately, we can’t save or help everyone, but we do our best. With the number of hybrids we’ve been able to help, seeing them go on to live happier, more fulfilling lives, it makes me feel like I have a purpose in the world. After hearing all of that, I’m infinitely happier that Hoseok adopted you two. You seem happy here.”

“We are,” Jin said. “It took Y/n a little bit to warm up to Hoseok, after everything that she’s been through and having trust issues with people that she needed to work past. But she’s much better now.”

“Trust issues with people?” Yoongi asked incredulously, pulling away from you a bit to look you in the face. “What trust issues? I mean yeah, she obviously had an issue with the shelter workers who mistreated her, but she never had any issues with me.”

Seokjin shrugged. “Who knows.”

“Maybe you’re ‘true mates,’” Hoseok mused.

You turned to him curiously. “True mates?”

“You don’t know what a true mate is?” Hoseok asked. “That’s what Jimin and Jungkook are. I had to look it up when they mentioned it, but basically from what I gathered, Jungkook could just feel that Jimin was his. He knew they were meant to be together. Said that it would feel like something important was missing when they were apart, even before they officially became mates.”

Your face scrunched as you thought. How could you tell if someone was your true mate? Yeah, you almost immediately warmed up to and trusted Yoongi and your feelings toward him very rapidly developed into something much less platonic. But you always just figured that you got used to him so easily because you so desperately needed the care and affection he offered. But then again, feeling like something was missing when you’re apart? Yeah, you most definitely felt that. You’d have to figure that out sometime, and hopefully soon. Maybe it was possible.

Done worrying about it for the moment, your mind returned to the present and you saw Yoongi looking at you curiously, as if he was trying to figure you out. Realizing you were still sitting in his lap, you tried to nonchalantly slide back onto the couch. Yoongi’s hold on you didn’t let go so easily, but he still made no move to stop you, letting you settle next to your brother once more.

“Oh yeah, maybe Yoongi could answer that question we had about the aches?” Seokjin asked, seeming to change the topic due to you being uncomfortable with continuing that last vein of thought.

“Aches?” Hoseok and Yoongi both asked at the same time.

“Yeah,” Jin continued. “Y/n and I have been feeling achy, kind of sore all over after coming here. We’re not sure why, but we can’t seem to get rid of it. Sometimes it’s really bad.”

Next to you, Yoongi seemed to be deep in thought.

“Maybe I should take you guys to the hybrid vet,” Hoseok said.

“No!” you countered. “I don’t want to trouble you with that.”

“It’s not a problem, Y/n,” Hoseok insisted. “You’re my responsibility and I wouldn’t want you to be sick or anything. If something’s wrong, I’d rather you get checked out.”

“Really, I’m sure it’s no big deal,” you said.

“Have you guys shifted recently?” Yoongi asked.

“Shifted?” Jin asked. “What do you mean?”

“What do you mean, what do I mean?” Yoongi asked, looking confused. “Have you guys shifted at all lately?”

“We don’t know what you mean by shifted,” you responded.

Yoongi opened and closed his mouth before turning to Hoseok.

“Can they shift?” Hoseok asked.

“Yes,” Yoongi said. “Didn’t the shelter tell you they’re natural hybrids?”

“No, they never said anything,” Hoseok responded.

“Natur- what?” You and Seokjin were utterly confused at this point.

Yoongi raised his eyebrows at you. “You guys don’t know?” When you continued to look at him like he grew an extra head, he sighed. “I can’t believe you’re fully adult hybrids and have never been told, or even seen it, especially since you lived on the street for a bit. Didn’t you feel achy when you lived on your own, too?”

“I mean, yeah,” Seokjin shrugged. “But we were sleeping on the hard ground so we figured that was to be expected.”

“Okay, history and biology lesson time then,” Yoongi said, turning fully to face the both of you. “There are two kinds of hybrids. The first, naturally occurring hybrids that have been around for a long time and eventually started to integrate in human society, which obviously hadn’t gone that great for them, but that’s a story for another time. And two, the kind that crazy scientists created from experimenting, attempting to replicate the already existing natural hybrids.

“Natural hybrids,” Yoongi continued, “can shift between the form you’re currently in and one that fully resembles their animal counterpart. And hybrids who were created from a lab, or descended from those created in a lab, are incapable of shifting since humans couldn’t replicate the shifting process in their experiments. You guys”—he gestured between you and Seokjin—“are in the first category. Your lineage is descended from natural hybrids.”

Your eyes widened. “What? We can become full-on tigers?!”

“Well, you can shift into one, yes,” Yoongi said. “Technically you’re still a hybrid no matter which form you take. When you shift, you’d appear exactly as a tiger but maintain your more abstract human traits, like your conscience and emotional intelligence. And when you’re in this current form, you can’t get rid of your tails or ears, but otherwise appear almost entirely human except for those animal traits, as well as retaining your natural instincts based on your breed and heightened senses.”

Both you and Jin remained silent for a few moments as you digested the information. Eventually, your brother was the one to break it. “How come we never knew? And how do you know we are natural hybrids?”

Yoongi pulled out his phone and started searching for something while he talked. “Well the first one, I’m not quite sure. But I’d assume it has something to do with the fact that you’ve been living in places that supplied you with medication that suppressed your need and ability to shift. There was a pill you were given at the shelter, which I assume you’ve been given since your first owners… Ah, this one.” He turned the phone around, the image of a particular pill you were very familiar with on the screen.

You nodded. “Yeah, we’ve always been given those. Before we were adopted, and at the Hybrid House, too.”

Yoongi visibly cringed when you mentioned the House. “Yeah, I’m not surprised. But these pills, their job is to suppress your natural need and urge to shift. Now that you’re off of them, I’m guessing your bodies are aching because they feel the need to let out your tiger half. Which wouldn’t surprise me, if you’ve spent I’m assuming your whole lives in this form.”

“Okay, that would make sense,” Jin said. “But how did you know we’re natural hybrids?”

“For two reasons. One, because I know you had been given this pill at the shelter. And two, it’s on your files, which I have seen. And that Hoseok should have seen.” Yoongi turned to look at the mentioned human, you and Jin following his lead.

“What?” the human practically squeaked. “No, they didn’t give me their files when I adopted them. I asked for them and they said they’d get them to me, but I still haven’t gotten them.”

Yoongi sighed. “This shelter, I swear… Took, what? Three weeks to get Seokjin’s file updated with his new owner information, didn’t let the person who was adopting two natural tiger hybrids know that they even were natural, and now they didn’t even give you their files? I can’t wait for this place to get shut down.”

“So, I guess they should probably shift now and then, huh?” Hoseok said.

“Yeah, that would be best,” Yoongi said. “Unless you want to put them on the medica-”

“No, definitely not,” Hoseok interrupted. “I don’t believe in that stuff. If they can shift, they should shift.”

“Okay, well that’s a relief to hear, I won’t lie,” Yoongi said.

“But how?” you asked. “How are we supposed to shift?”

“It’s tricky for me to explain since I’m not a hybrid,” Yoongi said before taking a moment to think. “Hoseok, did you mention a bit ago about another hybrid you know? Is he a natural hybrid?”

“Who? Jungkook?” Hoseok asked. “Yeah, he’s my friend Jimin’s mate. He’s a natural hybrid. Jimin also happens to be the son from Y/n and Jin’s first family.”

“Oh,” Yoongi said, blinking a few times. “Are you… on good terms?”

“Yes,” Seokjin answered. “He’s like family to us.”

“Oh okay, good,” Yoongi said. “Well, maybe he could help explain it to you guys. I would suck at explaining it, seeing as I’m human and have no idea what it feels like to shift.”

“Okay, we’ll ask him,” you said.

“Well, I’m glad that I was able to get that cleared up,” Yoongi said. “It was a really good thing I came by. I’m glad you guys are doing well, that you’re happy with Hoseok.” Yoongi’s eyes met yours, his expression hard to read and making you wonder what he was thinking. “Make sure to talk to this Jungkook soon about shifting, okay? And I’m going to be talking to my team first thing tomorrow about your cubs, Y/n. I can’t guarantee we’ll find anything, but I promise that we’ll do our absolute best. I would love to stay, but I do have a lot of stuff to do for the case against the shelter, so I have to go.”

“Would you be able to come by again?” you asked, not sure how you’d feel if he said no.

“Of course,” he responded easily, giving you a soft smile. “I’d love to see you again soon. I don’t know when I can, but I’ll keep in touch with Hoseok.”

“Sounds good,” your owner chimed in.

Yoongi gave you and Jin each one last scratch at the ears as he said goodbye. Maybe you imagined it, but you felt like he lingered on yours a little bit longer.

Just as he was opening the door, you suddenly remembered something. “Oh! Yoongi!” you called out. He turned around, looking at you curiously. “How’s Taehyung?”

“He’s good,” Yoongi answered. “I let him know as soon as you were adopted. He cried another river in relief that you were okay. He says he feels a bit more lonely now, but I’m making sure to keep close to him.”

“What will happen to him when the shelter is shut down?” Jin asked.

Yoongi pursed his lips. “I’m not sure. I’m hoping to have a potential owner lined up for him by then. If not, then he’ll probably end up in another shelter like most of the other hybrids there will be. A good shelter, one that won’t see them as disposable.”

You weren’t sure what kind of answer you were looking for, but just knowing he was okay made relief wash over you. “Tell him we say hi?” you asked.

Smiling Yoongi said, “Definitely.” And then, he was out the door.

You already missed him.

You definitely had questions other than the shifting to ask Jungkook about.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

Tags: @aroseforyoongi​ @shadowsremedy​

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[effei-s]

anderson and his paradox:

about the duality of a man.

(aka see me rambling in this 1500-words long essay about how much i love him)

the first half of his paradox: he’s more than capable of love. i would even dare to say that love is a driving force behind 99% of his actions.

let’s look at examples:

adam’s mom (aurora):

i’ve said it before, i’ll say it again: he worshiped the ground she walked on. it’s a fact. it’s what adam said about him in unravel me: i know he loved my mom. it was always her, everything was about her.

her death was probably the worst thing that happened to him, the loss that made him truly suffer, hence him constantly talking about how he wants to shield warner from it. that whole thing with lena is not about control itself, it’s about warner not making his own mistakes. there’s a genuine desire to protect there.

evie:

considering how little information is given about them it’s honestly amazing how much there lies between the lines (can mafi write everything the way she’s written them, please?).

they’re the perfect example of my favourite type of soulmates. he’s actually second worst person on this planet, because first place is already taken by her. there’s no one who knows him better then her (she knew about adam = she knew about aurora). there’s no one who understands him better than her (them being two vital parts of the RE from the very beginning). it doesn’t matter how much they fight, he trusts her with his life no questions asked: he comes to her before ignite me and asks her to make him immortal. considering evie’s words in defy me about how she was ready to kill him for trying to kill juliette in unravel me it was very risky of him (because if there’s one person that could slit open his throat and kill him for good, because he let his guard down, it would be evie). he trusts her to do her job and has no doubts about her capability to succeed. his first reaction to her death is ‘what? it can’t be real!’ because evie for him is almost untouchable entity ‘if they couldn’t hurt me, they sure as hell won’t be able to hurt her’. when he realizes that it’s true he’s terrified.

and anderson doesn’t do terrified.

/i really don’t know what can scream LOVE louder than this/

warner:

we can’t not talk about warner here.

warner betrays him and he still saves warner life. you need to remember that the only reason why warner is still alive in defy me, after he committed treason, is because anderson protects him.

by that time in restore me/defy me anderson, who technically lost his position as a supreme, still managed to save warner’s life /because he’s cool like that/.

“I had to call in a number of favors to have you transported here unharmed. The council was going to vote to have you executed for treason, and I was able to convince them otherwise.”

even evie doesn’t dare to fuck with warner because she knows anderson will come at them with the wrath of god.

“If Aaron were anyone else’s son,” she says, “I would’ve had him executed. I’d have him executed right now, if I could. Unfortunately, I alone do not have the authority.”

anyone else’s son.

so yeah the problem here is not that warner is one of the heirs of the RE. the problem here is that he’s anderson’s son.

plus his entire conflict with juliette is rooted in the fact that she

a) tried to hurt warner

unravel me:

I cannot allow him to protect a person who has attempted to kill him.

restore me:

The monster we’ve bred has tried to kill my own son.

b) tried to take warner from him.

restore me:

Worse, she’s become a distraction for Aaron. He’s become—in a toxic turn of events—impossibly drawn to her, with no apparent regard for his own safety. I have no idea what she’s done to his mind.

and then in imagine me he declines warner’s offer.

“You would be willing to sacrifice yourself—your youth and your health and your entire life—to let that damaged, deranged girl continue to walk the earth? Do you even understand what you’re saying? You have every opportunity—all the potential—and you’d be willing to throw it all away? In exchange for what?Do you even know the kind of life to which you’d be sentencing yourself ?”

/i dare you to tell me he didn’t love warner, i dare you/

juliette:

as a cherry on top, there’s juliette, of course.

when we’re talking about hate we’re talking about juliette, no questions asked. i truly believe that his hatred for her was stronger than his love for aurora and evie combined. and still what brings him down for good is not hate for her but adoration of her (oh irony, my irony).

after 12 years of hatred, after 12 years of her being ‘the bane of his existence’, he still ended up spending his dying breath to make sure she will be safe.

“I ordered you to remain silent,” he says, glancing back at her. “And I am now ordering you to remain safe, at all costs. Do you hear me, Juliette? Do y—”

“Kill them,” Anderson gasps, blood staining the edges of his lips. “Kill them all. Kill anyone who stands in your way.”

just like defy-me warner, imagine-me juliette survives ONLY because of anderson.

he even apologized to her at one point.

“You know, I realize now that I’ve been too hard on you. I’ve put you through too much. Tested your loyalty perhaps too much. But you and I have a long history, Juliette. And it’s not easy for me to forgive. I certainly don’t forget.”

anderson??? admitting??? that??? what??? he??? did??? was??? wrong???

and not because he needs to get off the hook, but because he actually feels like it was too much???

ALERT THE MASSES, THE WORLD NEEDS TO HEAR ABOUT IT!!!

btw, do my eyes deceive me, or did this ‘not easy to forgive’ mean that he actually already FORGAVE her for trying to kill him?

anyhow if that wasn’t enough look at this:

“What could possibly go wrong?” Anderson asks. “She’s more powerful than any of them, and completely obedient to me. To us. To the movement. You all know as well as I do that she’s proven her loyalty again and again. She’d be able to capture them in a matter of minutes.”

do you see it?

it’s the same thing that happened with evie: no one here is strong enough to hurt her (oh, i can see some PROJECTIONS here happening).

it’s funny how the way Anderson acts is EXACTLY what I expected from Warner. he isn't just talking about how she can do anything, when moment comes he ACTS.

Anderson is guarding Juliette. The same Anderson who’s spent so much of his energy trying to murder her—is now standing in front of her with his arms out, guarding her with his life.

i’d still prefer for her or him to kill ibrahim but even without it... he says you can burn this place to the ground, I don’t care as long as you’re safe, he chooses her over not only the RE, he chooses her over WARNER.

/and you expect me not to ship this??? sure, jen, i’m not gonna/

conclusion number 1: yes, my beautiful people, everything Anderson does in one way or another tied to love.

the second half of his paradox: love doesn’t make him a better person, it doesn’t even make him fully human. you’d think that if person capable of such strong feelings there’s supposed to be something worth saving, just like castle’s said:

“Of course he’s a regular person, son. That’s exactly the point. We’re all just regular people, when you strip us down. There’s nothing to be afraid of when you look at Anderson; he’s just as human as you or me. Just as terrified. And I’m sure if he could go back and do his life over again, he’d make very different decisions.”

(castle is a fucking idiot, never listen to people like him or you’re gonna end up neck-deep in shit)

but at the end of the day anderson remains a fucking monster.

his love for aurora doesn’t stop him from marrying another woman and having a child with her because it’s the easiest way to social climb.

his love and devotion to evie and re (mostly evie, because evie is the reestablishment) doesn’t stop him from playing games with juliette and putting everything and everyone at risk just because he’s bored.

i won’t even start commenting on warner’s situation, because otherwise we’re gonna sit here for days and i’ll end up with 100k words essay about them.

and even his enamourment with juliette doesn’t actually protect her from his violent nature. even this perfect, absolutely perfect juliette still has to prove herself (cut off her finger to show her loyalty). it still very easy for him to hurt her.

conclusion number 2: him being in love, him caring about someone, him trusting someone doesn’t change his fundamental nature. he still remains a destructive force put into a human body.

he’s a fucking satan.

and that’s exactly why i love him.

[robininthelabyrinth]

Delight in Misery (ao3) - part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7

- Chapter 8: Interlude -

Author note: This chapter is an interlude that contains JC/LWJ adult content. It can be skipped without impacting the remainder of the story.

-

“This is an idea so stupid that I can’t believe Wei Wuxian wasn’t that one to think of it,” Jiang Cheng said.

Lan Wangji didn’t disagree. If either of them had any sense whatsoever, they’d call off this whole idea before it was too late and they did something that permanently damaged the delicate balance of the life they’d built together forever – and they had, somehow, built a life together, cobbled together out of convenience and tragedy and the fact that no one else in this rotten world would understand what it was to miss someone like Wei Wuxian.

It was utter recklessness to throw it away for – what? Indulging some curiosity? Killing some time out of boredom, now that the Lotus Pier had finally quieted down enough for Jiang Cheng to no longer need to work from sunrise until sunset? Now that Lan Wangji didn’t have to hide himself away at all hours, afraid that someone would see him coming and going?

“You don’t even like me like that,” Jiang Cheng complained mutinously, and glared when Lan Wangji nodded in confirmation. “Wow. Thanks a lot.”

“We don’t have to proceed,” Lan Wangji pointed out.

“No, we’re doing this,” Jiang Cheng said at once, because he was contrary down to the last inch of him. “Take off your clothing already. No matter what the Lan sect may think, there are circumstances that call for not wearing four layers of clothing, and sex is definitely one of them.”

Because that was what they were apparently doing.

This was all Mo Xuanyu’s fault for leaving his books lying around – Jiang Cheng had finally succumbed to pressure and ordered his steward to get some for him – and in particular a spring book with pictures that went beyond the merely suggestive into the explicit. Jiang Cheng had picked it up while neatening up the room and gawked for enough time to make a cup of tea; when Lan Wangji had politely asked if he’d perhaps been abruptly struck blind by the contents and, if so, if there was any medicine he would like Lan Wangji to fetch for him, Jiang Cheng had instead turned to him and said, very frankly, “This cannot be a thing people actually do.”

Lan Wangji had, with great patience and an expression of intense suffering, held out his hands for the book.

The years following his awkward initial interaction with Wei Wuxian – the discovery of his own inclinations, the confirmation that they were irrevocably set in that way, his eventual acceptance of that fact – had led him to explore the more idiosyncratic portions of the Lan library. He was no longer the boy that had spluttered and cursed when tricked into looking at some (fairly run of the mill, in retrospect) pornography.

“Mm,” he’d said after a brief examination. “Real.”

“Impossible. Why would anyone -?”

Lan Wangji hadn’t bothered to dignify that with a response.

“It can’t possibly feel good,” Jiang Cheng had protested.

Lan Wangji had graced him with a pitying look. He hadn’t experienced the act in question with another person, of course, but his older brother had been perhaps unduly interested in ensuring that Lan Wangji had access to anything he might need to assuage his curiosity regarding his unorthodox affections, and, well, the Lan sect did always value a thorough approach to learning.

In other words, he’d read a lot.

It might have been left at that, a casual conversation between friends, except that Lan Wangji must have been suddenly possessed by the spirit of Wei Wuxian because he felt compelled to add, “Not that you would ever have a chance to find out.”

And that, of course, was that; once Jiang Cheng’s competitive instincts were awakened, there was absolutely nothing for it but a test to determine who was right.

Little details as to whether or not Jiang Cheng was even attracted to men enough for the question even to matter were dismissed as irrelevant.

And that was how they’d ended up here. About to go to bed. Together.

Though – perhaps that wasn’t exactly how it had started.

Perhaps it had started earlier, when Jiang Cheng had started helping Lan Wangji with those very particular physical reactions he’d had during the period he’d been too weak to do it himself, or perhaps when he’d continued to help him with it long after the trauma of it was no longer so near as to make it impossible for him to use his hands on himself.

Perhaps Lan Wangji should have been the one to stop that – the one to say no, no more, it’s unnecessary, thank you. But in those years of seclusion he had seen so few people, and seen Jiang Cheng most of all; he hadn’t quite been able to give up the desire for the touch of a human hand against his skin. To give up the intimacy of the act, for all that Jiang Cheng routinely brought him to completion as casually as if he were merely rebandaging his wounds, was simply impossible. Nothing could detract from the satisfaction he obtained, even if Jiang Cheng often spent the time talking about something else entirely, complaining about his day or a particularly irritating set of paperwork.

(There was a period in which Lan Wangji had briefly started to develop unsavory connections to the subject of dam rebuilding – luckily the dam project had ended before it had become a real problem.)

At minimum Lan Wangji should have put a stop to it once he was no longer secluded: when he had Lan Xichen’s embraces, gentle nudges from visiting Lan disciples, all the regular physical contact he had grown up with, and now all the casual affection that passed between Jiang sect disciples, of which he was considered an honorary member…it was more than enough to satisfy any skin hunger that might have been compelling him to continue with that inappropriate behavior that neither of them saw as important enough to name.

It had become a habit by then, though, a part of the routine, and the Lan sect thrived on routine.

“You have to remove yours as well,” he reminded Jiang Cheng, folding his clothing up neatly. If they had been lovers, perhaps Jiang Cheng would have been staring at him at this moment – perhaps he would have been tracing Lan Wangji’s body with his eyes, hunger and anticipation on his features – but they weren’t lovers. They were just friends, and that was why Jiang Cheng was fighting to get his shoe off (it had grown too small after too many washings and was starting to fall apart but he inexplicably refused to get new ones) instead of examining a body he’d seen naked a thousand times already during Lan Wangji’s slow recovery. “Do you –”

“If you offer to assist me, I will punch you,” Jiang Cheng threatened, and finally got the shoe off. “And if I hear one word about me needing to replace it –”

“You do.”

“It’s fine. It does the job! What else do you want from a shoe, damnit?” The other shoe was removed. “Leave me alone. I don’t need your help.”

The rest of his clothing came afterwards, tossed casually onto a chair, and Lan Wangji watched out of lack of anything better to do. In the years that had passed he had also seen Jiang Cheng’s body many times, an inevitable result of living across from each other in a place as hot as Yunmeng. Jiang Cheng was undeniably beautiful, all long lines and slender, his flesh marred by the discipline whip as Lan Wangji’s own had been, although in much lower quantity.

No, Lan Wangji concluded. This would not be the problem he had almost been concerned that it would be. For all that Lan Wangji’s heart belonged to Wei Wuxian and always would, his body had no objection to the idea of trying out something new.

“I assume at least some help is not unwelcome,” Lan Wangji said dryly, standing and walking over to put his hand on Jiang Cheng’s cock. At Jiang Cheng’s mild exclamation, Lan Wangji arched his eyebrows. “You can’t even do this? I may have overestimated your bravery.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Jiang Cheng said, although he was clearly flustered; he reached out to assist Lan Wangji in the same manner. His palm was callused and warm, as always; Lan Wangji’s cock stirred at once at the familiar stimulus. “It’s been a while since it was someone else, that’s all.”

“You’ve had experience?”

“There’s no need to sound so skeptical about it. I was a teenager once too, you know; Wei Wuxian and I – hey, watch it!”

Lan Wangji relaxed his grip apologetically. “You did for Wei Ying as you do for me?” he asked, and didn’t even care when Jiang Cheng rolled his eyes at his obvious and immediate fascination. It was a good thing that neither of them had any illusions about Wei Wuxian’s role in their friendship, the ghost of him that hung over it all; if they pretended otherwise, they might have hurt each other. “How did he..?”

“You’re not seriously asking me that question,” Jiang Cheng said, but of course Lan Wangji was.

Jiang Cheng glared at him, but Lan Wangji was patient, and as with all things relating to Jiang Cheng, his patience was rewarded.

“You’re a little more direct,” Jiang Cheng finally said, rolling his eyes once again to demonstrate how ridiculous he thought Lan Wangji was being. “You like long strokes, like this, very purposeful – his preference was a bit more playful. A bit of teasing around the head, like this, and then a bit with the thumb…listen, if you’re going to turn that shade of red this quickly, we’re going to have to call this whole idea off.”

“I can do more than once.”

“I’ll give you the whole rundown another time, you pervert,” Jiang Cheng promised, and Lan Wangji’s cock twitched at the thought of it. “Can we please focus on proving you horribly wrong already?”

“I’m not wrong.”

“So you say.”

Lan Wangji rolled his eyes and resumed moving his hand on Jiang Cheng’s cock. It felt nice in his hand, filling out as he stroked it. “Why?” he asked after a moment.

“Why what? Why did Wei Wuxian and I get each other off?”

“En.”

“We were young and stupid, obviously,” Jiang Cheng said. “He was my shixiong. We shared everything, figured everything out together…it wasn’t that weird, okay? It was just lending a friendly hand. Literally.”

Lan Wangji could imagine it. The scene sprang up fully formed in his eyes: Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian as he remembered them from the Cloud Recesses, cheeks still a little fat with youth and glistening from perspiration from the humid Yunmeng air, sitting together side-by-side on a bed with their hands in each other’s laps. Perhaps even the bed he slept in now, or Jiang Cheng’s. And perhaps even back then Jiang Cheng liked to talk of other things while he was performing the chore – his lessons, perhaps.

Perhaps they’d even done it for each other while they’d been at the Cloud Recesses…

“Did you do anything more?” he asked, licking suddenly dry lips.

Jiang Cheng blinked at him. “Like what?”

Perhaps it was petty to use their conversation as an excuse to step forward into Jiang Cheng’s personal space, to use his free hand to rub up and down his chest and tweak his nipples, to use teeth and tongue liberally on his neck, on his shoulder, his collarbone, until Jiang Cheng’s knees had grown so weak from surprise and pleasure that Lan Wangji had to loop his arm around his waist to help support him –

But if there was one thing Jiang Cheng had taught him in all these years, it was that there were times when being petty was the best possible option.

“Can I use my mouth on you?” he asked, and took the incoherent spluttering and vague hand-waving he received as a yes. “Sit down on the bed and lean back.”

Jiang Cheng obeyed without a single complaint, which Lan Wangji accepted as the compliment it was.

“I think I can definitively say no, just so you know,” he observed as Lan Wangji lowered himself down to his knees. “I did not do anything like this with Wei Wuxian.”

“Did you ever want to?” Lan Wangji asked, mildly curious, and then he leaned down and put his mouth on Jiang Cheng’s cock.

“Am I supposed to be having a conversation with you about this?” Jiang Cheng demanded, thrashing underneath his ministrations. Lan Wangji had to hold his hips down with his hands, using a little force. “Now?”

Lan Wangji purposefully stopped moving.

“You are a piece of shit, you know that?” Fingers made their way into Lan Wangji’s hair, careful to avoid his forehead ribbon as they lightly tugged – hmm, that was rather nice, actually. Lan Wangji mentally noted down the preference. “Fine. Ugh. No, I didn’t. It wasn’t like that. It really did just start out innocent, you know. Us being boys and all, measuring the difference in size and all –”

Jiang Cheng paused and rolled his eyes down at Lan Wangji, who had perhaps overly demonstrated his interested in hearing more.

“– yes, you obsessed stalker, I’m getting there. He was longer, I was wider; we called it a tie. Later on, we got drunk and started talking about how we were both worried that we were doing it wrong, except, you know, that would have been way too embarrassing…you know how we were. It turned into a dumb sort of competition about who could do it better, which one of us was the one doing it wrong, who was doing it right – we got into a lot of stupid contests like that.”

A brief pause.

“Don’t say that I’m stating the obvious.”

Lan Wangji’s mouth was full, which was probably the only reason he wasn’t. He really had lost all sense of self-control when it came to deliberately irritating Jiang Cheng, and he wasn’t sure when that had happened. His uncle would be disappointed in him again.

Good.

“I can’t believe you’re doing this,” Jiang Cheng muttered. He’d gotten into the groove of things, his hips rocking slightly as Lan Wangji sucked him, careful not to go too far or too fast for fear of making Lan Wangji gag again – though to be fair, that had been mostly Lan Wangji’s fault for being overly ambitious in trying to take him in too deep that time. The real thing really wasn’t anything like the jade pillar he’d practiced on. “This is ridiculous. You’d better never expect me to do this for you. No way.”

Lan Wangji didn’t bother responding.

“I mean, I guess if my hands were broken. It’s not like I couldn’t do it. I’ve put worse things in my mouth, over the years.”

No response was necessary. Jiang Cheng’s complex about needing to be the best at everything – or at least skilled enough to be respected – was truly a fearsome thing.

Though speaking of which...

Lan Wangji reached with one hand to pull over the small packet of thickened, scented oil that he’d obtained long ago, dipping his fingers into it and working one finger, then another, into Jiang Cheng.

“How do you even think of these things?” Jiang Cheng complained, because he wouldn’t be Jiang Cheng if he didn’t complain. “You must have done nothing but read spring books day and night – hey, wait! What are you doing? I’m going to be the one on top! Not you!”

Lan Wangji hummed and removed his mouth – Jiang Cheng whined in complaint – and then lifted one of Jiang Cheng’s legs, pressing his cock against him. He didn’t get a fist in the face, even when he rocked back and forth teasingly, his cock sliding right up to Jiang Cheng’s slicked-up entrance and then away.

“…just go ahead and do it already!”

Lan Wangji’s analytical mind temporarily blanked out when he pushed inside. It was hot and tight around him, squeezing him – it felt good. Very good.

“Fuck,” Jiang Cheng said. His voice was a little unstable, almost breathy. “Fuck.”

“If you insist,” Lan Wangji said, and began moving his hips before Jiang Cheng could correct him. Jiang Cheng grunted as if the sound had been punched out of him. Fucked out of him. “How is it?”

“Why are you asking me, don’t you already – Lan Wangji. You said the picture in the book was realistic.”

Lan Wangji hummed in agreement.

“I assumed that meant you’d done it before.”

That seemed like a Jiang Cheng problem.

“Lan Wangji! Are you saying you don’t know what you’re doing?!”

“I’ve read a lot of spring books,” Lan Wangji said dryly, and started to really put his back into it, long thrusts that felt fantastic to him and from the looks of it not all that bad to Jiang Cheng, either. After a few thrusts, he apparently hit the place described in the books, if he were judging by Jiang Cheng’s sudden moans and a notable increasing in generalized cursing, as opposed to cursing his name in specific.

Lan Wangji finished first, which increased the amount of cursing by a significant degree.

“I can’t believe you –!”

“Would you like to finish in my mouth?”

“It is,” Jiang Cheng hissed at him, “the very least you could do!”

Jiang Cheng was much less polite this time as he fucked his way into Lan Wangji’s mouth, his hands firmly gripping Lan Wangji’s hair and pulling him into place, forcing his way deeper with brutal snaps of his hips.

Despite having recently been wrung dry, Lan Wangji’s cock did its best to give an interested twitch, and Lan Wangji noted that down as well. Perhaps next time he should encourage Jiang Cheng to be the one on top, to see if he would enjoy the sensation more if it was someone else doing the fucking rather than a toy carved out of jade. After all, Jiang Cheng had certainly responded well enough to it.

Lan Wangji was moderately sure there would be another time. Jiang Cheng was not a man motivated by sex – remarkably so, in fact. If anything, he seemed to view physical pleasure, even at his own hand, as a perfectly decent activity, but nothing worth kicking up a fuss over, little different from a massage or a round of acupuncture; neither something especially desirable nor repulsive. As Jiang Cheng himself had admitted, he hadn’t experienced the touch of another since his youthful experimentation with Wei Wuxian, even though Lan Wangji was well aware that he’d received plenty of offers from all types of types of people over the years, and yet the lack hadn’t seemed to bother him.

If not for Lan Wangji, he probably would have continued on with his life without thinking about it any further, either, except perhaps in the theoretical box in his mind that he’d earmarked for having a wife, which he seemed to want only because everyone was expected to want a wife.

That competitive streak again.

But he did have Lan Wangji, who was not naturally inclined towards abstinence, and now that they’d opened the door to having a friendship that included certain additional benefits, he had no intention of shutting that door absent any indication from Jiang Cheng that it no longer suited him.

After all, Jiang Cheng might yet have a wife one day, assuming a patient enough marvel could be found – but Lan Wangji was a Lan, born and bred true, and he would only have one love in his life; he had fallen long ago, chosen long ago. Wei Wuxian was gone, and he would never regret it, nor love another. It had been living with Jiang Cheng, being friends with him, that had taught him to remember joy; what was this, then, but more of the same?

Of course, that was assuming that Jiang Cheng would agree in the future to sate Lan Wangji’s rather prodigious appetites with more than just his hand. He might not. After all, it really wasn’t his area of interest –

“Fuck,” Jiang Cheng abruptly said.

Lan Wangji, who was fetching a wet cloth, turned to look at him.

Jiang Cheng was propped up on his elbows, scowling bitterly. “You know what,” he said. “We didn’t even manage to do the right position! The one in the spring book was more – more twisty – you know – with the leg up in the air like that –”

“…mm,” Lan Wangji said. “We’ll do better next time.”

“You’re smirking,” Jiang Cheng said suspiciously. “Why are you smirking? What are you up to?!”

“Nothing,” Lan Wangji said peaceably, putting down the cloth and picking up the oil. “You’re right.”

“Of course I’m right! I’m – I’m not usually right. Or at least, you don’t normally admit it when I’m right. What am I right about?”

“Did it wrong,” Lan Wangji said, and settled down again. “Need to try again.”

“Try – wait, now? Already?! You can’t be serious!”

Lan Wangji started rearranging limbs. “You’re already prepared,” he pointed out. “‘Avoid needless waste.’”

“Don’t you quote your Lan sect rules at me, Lan Wangji! You’re inhuman! You’re – ah!”

He’d slid right in that time, Lan Wangji observed, all at once in a single smooth slide that made Jiang Cheng moan and his cock start to fill up again; the ease of it must be due to how relaxed Jiang Cheng’s body was after he’d come, and the slickness of both the oil left behind and the new amount he’d added. Definitely a different experience from the previous time, but equally enjoyable.

Well, as he’d said before – the Lan sect always did value a thorough approach to learning.

[sunlightxing]

Show Me Some Respect

After working for years as a secretary to General Hux aboard the ship, the Finalizer, life could not have been better for you.

That was until Hux informed you that Commander Kylo Ren would be joining you on that ship. Almost immediately, you both resent eachother, but after being forced to spend more alone time with him, you begin to wonder, what's so bad about him after all?

Chapter 2: Learn Your Place

The first day spent aboard the Finalizer alongside Commander Ren goes anything but smoothly, and a new set of horrifying emotions develop, twisting your feelings towards him.

The wait to board the Finalizer gave you plenty of time to anxiously dread the next few months of your work on that ship. Things ran so much more smoothly when it was just your secretarial tasks for Hux, but now, something told you Commander Ren would see to it that your job would be much more difficult.

After spectating a brief meeting with Hux and two male pilots prior to leaving the base, fear wasn't a strong enough word to describe how you were feeling. Commander Ren would be on the Finalizer for an incredible, unknown, length of time, and you did not want that. Though there'd only been two encounters between the pair of you, neither of them could be categorized as good. The first, he brutalized your boss, then ripped apart every bit of confidence you had for yourself. Then the second, arguably the worst, he saw you in your weakest moment, and with judging eyes, scanned every inch of your bare flesh.

Hux informed you of how the time with Commander Ren could be very long, or very short. You hoped for the latter. Despite the fact you had been working under Hux for three years, not once did you ever have that brute step aboard your ship. From what you had been told, the reason seemed to be that during your first three years, the Commander was off "taking a break," whatever that meant.

"One more pilot will be added to your crew, per request of the Commander." Hux instructed the men. You had zoned out, staring across the vast landing bay, a sudden nauseated feeling flooding over your body. You knew Commander Ren wanted to pile as many men into that control room as he could, whatever it took to earn your silence.

"He's younger, but an experienced TIE flyer, he knows his stuff," you heard Hux continue, despite your state of distraction. "I trust you all will be able to work with him." You tried your best to ignore all of the callousness of Commander Ren, and pay attention to your tasks. If you stayed fixated on it any longer, you'd be sure to lose your mind, or at the very least your confidence.

The Commander, after far too long, finally made his way onto the landing bay. The younger pilot followed along behind him, looking just about sick of all this shit.

"Oh?" You thought to yourself as this tall, dark haired, scrawny boy walked down the ramp towards you. His somewhat curly locks framed his chiseled, long face so practically, and freckles decorated his nose like a galaxy. The longer you stared, the more you were captivated by his physique, blown away by every inch of him. He shook Huxs' hand, the veins poking out of his skin, pulsing and flexing as he gripped your Generals' hand. A lump formed in the back of your throat, and saliva swelled up in your mouth, almost seeping through your lips.

His hand reached out to shake yours, and you met his gaze once more, sucked in to his body and soul, wanting more, craving it. Your trembling arm pulled itself from your side, and placed itself delicately in his soft, warm grip. He clasped his hand around yours, frowning at the fact your shake wasn't near firm at all, but you felt the sweat forming upon your palms, worried he'd feel it as well. You went to strengthen up your grip, when a strong pain surged through the sides of your temples, ripping your mind apart.

You took his hand, clenching it much harder than you meant to due to the splitting pain in your head. He winced in pain at your death grip, releasing his hold, and pulling away in an effort for you to release your own. The pain finally exited your mind, leaving you confused, but then completely flustered at how you had just embarrassed yourself. You retired his hand back to his side, looking at him with sincere remorse in your eyes.

"My apologies," you stammered, placing your gaze at your feet, not wanting to stare at that boy, or Hux, who was probably horrendously confused. He nodded rather sarcastically, and then went on to very weakly shake the hands of the other pilots.

"Uhm, right then," Hux stated, gesturing over to the ship. “We’ll be making our departure."

You sighed, trailing behind the rest of the crowd, horrendously embarrassed with that performance. Wonderful first impression.

On your way up the ramp, in your daze of uneasiness, one of the pilots bent over to pick up the broach he had dropped from his vest. However, in your effort to not start convulsing, you had no idea the man had stopped, and were seconds from smacking into him, until you were pulled away from the encounter.

A hand reached out, griping your bicep with sheer force. The possessor ripped you back away from the pilot, and you felt something, or rather, someone, press against your back. Whatever it was, it sent a burning sensation throughout your entire body. You looked down to see the hand wrapped around your bicep was encased in a black leather glove. Slowly turning your head, heart pounding against your chest thunderously, you looked up to see the Commander staring down at you.

"It would do you some good to pay attention,” he remarked, tightening his grip.

You attempted to rip your arm away from him, but his strength was far greater than your own. "It would do you some good to not be such a prick!" You cried, continuing to try and make him release you.

"I told Hux to teach you some manners, but obviously he failed at that,” his voice hissing.

You glared at him, hoping he could see your angered expression through that stupid mask. “For the record, Commander, the only person I behave this was towards is you. So, maybe I'm not the problem," you said as you poked your finger into his chest.

"Maybe, it's you."

A strong hold closed in around your throat, cutting off your airway. Commander Rens' hand had moved from his waist to right in front of your neck.

"You will learn your place, or I will have you terminated!" He growled, his voice becoming more tense with every word. The energy that pulsed and surged around you was cutting off your airway, making it nearly impossible for you to breathe. Coughs and huffs of agony escaped your throat as you tried to take in even the slightest amount of air. Commander Ren had lifted you off of the ground slightly, allowing your feet to dangle and kick in an effort to make him release you. He chuckled. The bastard was gaining amusement from watching you suffer in his grasp. But there was little to nothing you could do to make him release you, other than hope Hux would return back to the ramp, see this display, and put and end to it.

Commander Ren suddenly released his grip on your throat all at once, dropping you onto the metal ramp carelessly. You clenched your neck, coughing and hacking as oxygen returned to your lungs, and blood flowed to back into your brain.

"There's your first lesson," the Commander stated as he lifted your hacking body up to his eye level by the scruff of your shirt. "Your prince won't come to save you," he huffed, "he turns into a jester around me."

You looked up at him with the upmost confusion, was he talking about Hux? The Commander tossed you back down on the ramp like you were nothing but garbage, then took off into the entrance of the ship. The second his silhouette was put of sight, you let out a sigh of relief as you pulled yourself off of the ramp, dusting off your uniform as best you could. You expected the next encounter between the pair of you to be awkward, not abusive.

Just a few hours before, he was gazing upon your practically naked body in the washroom not far from the bay, and now he was repulsed by every action you took. To be fair, you didn't take kindly to his orders, and fired back at him every chance you could, but he would come to learn that you weren't going to take a single ounce of his pettiness.

Upon entering the ship, you saw Commander Ren slowly marching down the halls, headed in the direction of the control room. A fiery rage pulsed throughout your body as thoughts of beating him in to a bloody pulp danced in your head. You charged at him, purposefully shoving him rather aggressively on your way down the hall.

That was a big mistake.

Time seemed to stop for a moment as a soft presence grazed your side. Then, with the flick of his wrist, Commander Ren slammed you into the wall, practically crushing every bone in your body. At least, that's what it felt like.

This time, he decided to hold your body up by your shoulders, and not your neck. How considerate. You laid up on that wall, practically motionless as he scanned every inch of you, almost as grotesquely as he had when you were undressed. His heavy boots clanged against the metal floor, echoing throughout the hull of the ship. Your body was shaking from fear, he had just beaten you seconds before this, wasn't one time enough?

He stopped inches from your body, lifting you higher up on the wall so you were now at eye level with him. His gloved hand began to stroke the side of your face ever so softly. It felt weirdly comforting, until he raised his hand and struck you hard across the cheek.

"Needing another lesson already?" He questioned. Tears had already begun swelling up in your eyes, and partially began streaming down your stinging face. Fuck, did that hurt.

Commander Ren placed his hand back down at his side. At this point, your assumption was right that he wasn't holding you up with his arms, he was using that stupid little quirk he came with. That force shit.

"I have a job to do, Commander, don't waste my time," you whimpered, the stinging on your cheek now turning into a violent, throbbing sensation.

He chuckled, presumably staring at where his hand has just struck you. The leather from his glove had added an extra burn to your cheek, making the strike more painful than a bare handed slap would. He seemed to take such a high amount of pleasure from abusing and taunting you.

"Right. Your job to needlessly follow Hux around like some puppet, seems very important," he sneered, leaning down closer to you. The cold glow from his mask radiating onto your face, and stung the part of your cheek where he had just struck you.

"I don't like you,” he said sternly.

“The feeling is mutual, Commander," you responded, clearly agitated. He really couldn't stand when you fired back at his digs, because the second you finished that sentence, Commander Ren tightened his grip on you, causing a mass amount of pain to shoot throughout your body.

"Let me go you-you mother fucker!" You cried out, though you hated him for making you seem to weak, you needed him to stop before he hurt you.

"Beg for it,” he demanded.

"Excuse me?" You scoffed, worried you might burst out laughing at his ridiculous request.

He clenched your body with so much force it felt like he was going to rip you apart. You winced at the feeling of an invisible entity nearly tearing you to shreds.

"You want me to let you go?" He asked, squeezing even harder. “Then beg for it."

You didn’t want to beg, show him any power over you. But the surging pain that encapsulated your entire throat was becoming to hard to ignore any longer. “Please," you begged, tears slowly trickling down your face, "please- just let me go."

The pressure began to loosen around your body, the pain retreating along with it.

“Good girl. See how easy things are when you do as I say?" He remarked, reaching his hand up to stroke the part of your face he had previously struck. He trailed his hand down your body, tracing it around your neck, and then stopped directly above your breasts. A strong, pulsating throb ignited from in betwixt your legs, and as a response, you squirmed to try and cross them.

"Look at you," he purred, "squirming at my touch. Judging by your little reactions, you don't want me to let you go."

He was right, you didn't want him to stop. You want him to run his hands all over your body, and just the thought of that made you writhe in filthy desire. But despite your want, and your crave for him to do such unspeakable acts to you right there in that hallway, your conscience was clear, and this? This was wrong, so very wrong.

Using all the strength and mobility you had, you shoved Commander Ren off of you, sending him tumbling backwards. He caught himself before hitting the floor, but as a result of his loss of focus, he thus lost his grip on you. Your body slammed into the ground, yet again. Hopefully you'd get used to it after a while, but then again, this wasn't something you really wanted to get used to.

Your trembling body was now looking up at him, his presence being all the more terrifying.

"Pest," he hissed, brushing off his uniform as he stared enticingly at you. "Look at what your twisted mind has made me do."

Your face turned bright red, a wave of embarrassment flooding over your body. With extreme urgency, you shot up from the ground, glaring at him as he continued to unwrinkle his attire. "You're the one who started this!" You yelled, disgusted that he would suggest the blame was on you instead of himself. He looked up from his occupancy, crouching down to be at your eye level, since he happened to be a vast number of inches taller than you.

"Go ahead and think that," he mumbled, shoving past you in a fit of rage as he stormed off down the long hallways.

You stood there motionless, and in complete disbelief. Not only was he trying to make your job increasingly difficult, he was trying to make you life difficult. How did he managed to so effortless cloud your mind with such unholy thoughts? You had just met the man that day, and he already had you lusting and fawning after him. To think you had allowed yourself to create fantasies of him in that moment, when you hadn't even seen his face. It simply made no sense, this just wasn't like you.

After catching your breath, you strolled off towards the control room yourself, hoping Hux wouldn't question what took you so long. There was a slight panic in the back of your mind that Commander Ren would be in there, and you weren't sure if you could face him after what just went down in the halls. You felt disgusted, violated even. He didn't have the right to do any sort of thing like that to you. But, at the end of the day, you liked it. Really, really liked it.

Hux turned to face you as you stormed into the control room. He could obviously tell by your facial expression that you were not in the beat shape, and the prominent hand-shaped mark on your face was also pretty helpful in determining that. Slowly, Hux shuffled over to you, placing his hand at your chin to angle it up in order to get a better look at your neck.

"He force choked you, didn't he?" Hux questioned, a slight trembling in his voice. You nodded, judging by Huxs' reaction, he obviously had been the receiver of that punishment as well. Hux let out a heavy sigh as he releases your chin.

"He's doing it to show you your place. To show you that he's the Commander, and you must abide by his rule," Hux stated nervously.

"He's not the Supreme Leader!" You cried, trying to get him to understand how completely aberrant that he would take commands from such a tyrant.

Hux turned away from you, "I know he isn't, but he has more power than I ever could."

Burning hot tears began to swell up in your eyes, no one but you could see that the Commander wasn't what he was hyped up to be, not even Hux. You sniffled, wiping the tears away from your eyes as you walked to your seat.

"Begin take off procedures," Hux ordered. The pilots plugged in their codes, and just like that, the Finalizer was finally off Starkiller Base.

You stood quietly next to Hux, turning your head ever so often to glance at him. He was gazing out at the infinite galaxy, but his body was shaking. You turned your gaze away from him, choosing to gaze at the same thing he did.

Hux was the one person you thought would always have your back, but he was too afraid. That man had seen your potential and looked past what others couldn't. He gave you a shot, but now, it looked like that was all he could give you.

"We'll be stationed here, whilst Commander Ren heads down to the planet on his shuttle," Hux broadcasted to the pilots. You kept your gaze on the now visible planet, though you could sense Hux was staring at nothing but you.

He cleared his throat, ready to call out the next batch of instructions. If he was getting choked up, then he obviously was regretful of his inability to stick up for you.

"Simon will be aboard the craft," Hux continued, "as he has more experience with th-"

Hux stopped mid sentence. He never does that, especially when giving orders, unless..

You turned around to see Commander Ren standing in the doorway to the control room, and your heart sank. Hux froze, not even attempting to address him. The Commander noticed Huxs' fear, and as a respond he began slowly walked towards him, his steps shaking the entirety of the ship.

"The girl will be aboard my craft, not that boy," Commander Ren stated.

Your throat went dry, and a small squeak escaped your throat. Was he really telling Hux, the man you were a secretary to, that you would be accompanying him down to the village? Why in space would he make such a bold statement? There was no logical reason for you to go down there, except for-

Maybe the Commander wanted to finish what you two had started in that hallway.

"Ren, there is no reason for her to leave my side!" General Hux barked. Suddenly, he had found his voice, and actually managed to stick up and defend you without stuttering or slurring his speech. However, with a violent glare given by the Commander, Hux was back to his weak, whimpering self.

“She'll be on my shuttle," Commander Ren repeated. “That’s not a request."

Hux pulled himself together, now placing himself inches from the Commanders face. “She is my secretary, not yours!" He asserted.

Commander Ren took a step towards him. Although the pair of them were relatively the same height, the Commander seemed to tower over Hux, maybe that was just due to the size of his power, not just his body. "Mine has been... let go," Commander Ren stated, glancing back over at you. "Would you prefer that I wait to get a new one?"

Hux looked off to the side in fear. He knew that by not allowing you to go on that ship, this mission would be ruined, and the Supreme Leader would have his head.

"She'll go with you," Hux said dejectedly, stepping away from the Commander, and back to his post at the center of the room. You looked at him, practically pleading with him to find someone, literally anyone else to go. If he knew why Commander Ren wanted you to go with him on that ship. He'd say no. Yes he would absolutely say no.

But then, what would happen to you? You'd lose your job, status, everything over something you didn't technically start, and then, there was the Commander. You weren't sure what would become of him, but as much as you hated to regret it, the First Order needed him. So you would bite your tongue this time, and go with him on that ship, as much as it pained you.

"I'll do it," You stated, shyly staring down at your feet.

Commander Ren nodded in approval, shooting Hux a menacing glare as he signaled for you to walk beside him. This shift of power left you feeling scared and confused. For the first time in years, you weren't under Huxs' direct orders. No, now, you worked for Commander Ren, and things didn't look good.

Silence reigned as you both walked next to one another, down the hallway towards the landing bay on the Finalizer. You had hoped that the Commander would try to make any form of small talk, but it looked like he didn't feel like it. You were a nervous and sweaty mess, nearly crumbling with every step you took.

"Scared to leave him?" Commander Ren asked, finally breaking the silence. You paused for a moment, not quite understanding what his question meant, nor why he was speaking to you. He sensed your lack of understanding, and went to rephrase his statement.

"You've worked for him for many years, correct?"

"Yes, sir. Three years now."

"Impressive. The longest I've kept a secretary is three weeks. He must be fond of you."

You rolled your eyes in disgust. Unlike the Commanders motivation for wanting to be around you, Hux had only pure and platonic reasons. He wasn't an angry, impatient person like Commander Ren was. Hux was kind, sweet, gentle. Despite all that, he was powerful, and didn't back down from a fight, though he wasn't showing that side of himself recently.

Two stormtroopers approached you and the Commander when you arrived at the entrance to the bay. You felt incredibly awkward being the only one there without a mask, and without a weapon.

A loud hissing came from in front of you, followed by several loud bangs. Two metal doors pried open to reveal the bay, which was covered in a plethora of TIE Fighters. Some were smaller, stacked on top of each other at fueling stations, while others sat at the center for everyone to see.

"I hope you know which one the Command Shuttle is," Commander Ren stated, a slight tinge of agitation was present in his voice.

You nodded. "Yes, the one at the center," you respond, waving your hand in the air to gesture towards the shuttle.

He purred with content, "it would've been embarrassing for you to have worked here for three years, to then not be able to identify my ship."

Your face recoiled in disgust and confusion. "Okay, thanks for your input," you groaned as you walked off to the shuttle, leaving the Commander speechless alongside his two troopers. You walked into the cockpit, noticing there was no pilot waiting inside. Commander Ren trailed in behind you, watching you stand there in confusion, desperately searching for a pilot.

"I'm flying the shuttle," he remarked, taking a seat in the head chair. He patted the one next to it. Directly next to it.

"So, it's just us in here?" You questioned, a feeling of dread spilling over you. He nodded in agreement, and a groan of displeasure escaped your mouth. You flopped into the chair, sitting as far away from the Commander as you possible could, though that was rather impossible since you seats were stationed so close to one another.

The Commander flicked a few switches, engaging the ships thrusters, and finally taking off from the bay. Instantly upon exiting, he engaged autopilot, and plugged in the destination. He leaned back in his chair, crossing his leg over the other and slouching in the most unprofessional way.

"Such a man of edicut,” you thought to yourself as you watched him begin clenching, and then unclenching his fists.

"Does Hux ever snap at you for that attitude?" He asked. You turned to him, trying to speak but words seemed to escape you after such a statement. Was he trying to make you hate him? Or was he just this terrible with making conversation?

"No, he never has," you scoffed. "The only person who's felt the need to do that is you."

The Commander reached his arm down to the side of his seat, flicking a few knobs in order to shift his chair to face your own. With his ankle crossed over his knee, and a hand up resting against his face, he gazed at you with unfiltered eyes. The feeling of his cold, dark stare at your body flushed your cheeks with embarrassment. “Commander-" you began to speak, but with the flick of his wrist, your seat was now spun around to face him.

"If you're going to fill in as my secretary," he scolded. "Then you must learn that you're expendable. I don't need you."

Your face recoiled in confused disgust. "Commander, if I may remind you, you're the one who insisted on bringing me."

He scoffed, gripping his hand with such force, you were afraid he might shatter it. "I gave you this position. You should be grateful for it," he ordered, tightening the grip.

You glared at him through the vision opening on his helmet. "Why would you give me this position if you despise me so much?"

He paused, mortified you would even dare to rebuttals against any word he spoke. "I didn't choose for this to happen."

"You go ahead and think that."

Commander Ren lifted you out of your seat, holding you up into the air by your neck. Apparently, he didn't like it when you repeated the phrases he once said to you back at him. "Let me be clear," he stated, "I could kill you, right now, and it would make my life so much easier."

You reached your leg out, slamming it hard and dee into his chest. He fell back against the control panel, losing his grasp around your neck, and your entire body. You dropped to the floor yet again, but this time you smacked down against the metal floor, face first. Your lip had been split open, and there was no way in space that your nose wasn't broken. You put your finger to your mouth, watching as the blood trickled down your fingers and down to your forearm.

"Do it, Commander," you begged sarcastically. "I'd like to see you try and kill me."

He shuddered, taking a step back away from you. You picked yourself off of the ground, spitting blood into the nearby waste bucket. "Do you have any towels?" You asked sternly. The Commander stood still, completely frozen in the same place he was after he dropped you onto the floor, causing this whole bloody mess.

"Commander!" You yelled, trying your best to get his attention. He slowly picked his gaze up from the blood spattered floor to your face, his body slouched and cowering.

"There.” He pointed to a shelf on the wall. You sighed, marching yourself over to the cupboard, ripping a towel off of the shelf. You wiped the blood off of your face. A presence made itself apparent from behind you.

"What do you want, sir?"

"Is it broken?"

You spun your around to face him, a blood soaked towel in hand that was pressed against your face, and water-filled eyes. "Yes, it's broken!" You responded angrily, pulling away from him.

"I told you to watch your mouth, I wouldn't have dropped you if you weren't so, difficult," he stated, his voice sounding more sympathetic than usual.

"I'm not the one who chokes people out for having an opinion," you scoffed.

The ships alarm went off, and the Commander stared at your for just a moment longer before pulling away from your gaze. He returned back to the controls. It seemed like now it was time to disengage autopilot, as the ship was now approaching the village.

"The stormtroopers will land first and handle things on the ground. We'll stay behind until that is done," he stated.

"Yes, Commander," you groaned, flopping back into your chair as you held the blood soaked towel to your face.

Though the pain of this injury was practically unbearable for you, the way he stared at you after it all happened. Just the way he paused for a moment longer to gaze at you before returning to the shuttles controls.

It made you wonder if under all that leather and metal, there was an actual, decent human being. But, going off of everything he had done thus far, you didn't believe that was true. Not yet, at least.

[d-noona]

THE PLAYBOY ASSIGNMENT

Summary:

Persuading a millionaire to part with a fortune seemed like mission impossible. Especially as the man in question turned out to be Min Yoongi - April's first love.

Eight years ago, Yoongi had stormed out of her life, believing she was having another man's baby. Convincing him otherwise, whilst sweet-talking him into helping a worthy cause, would be tricky. Even more so when he insisted negotiations take place in the bedroom! Suddenly, April was struggling to remember that the playboy assignment was business not pleasure!

Min Yoongi x Original Character

MASTERLIST

Chapter 1 - Chapter 2

Even as she raised her head to look at him, April told herself it was impossible. The Min Yoongi she'd known hadn't even owned a necktie, much less a pin-striped suit, and he was far more likely to flash a rude slogan on the front of a sweatshirt than his initials embroidered on a cuff.

Impossible.

She'd set herself up, that was what happened. The walk through the cemetery had prompted her to think of Yoongi -and once those memories had been activated, all it took to set them spinning out of control again was a baritone voice and a chance monogram...

It was quite a coincidence, those initials. But the voice was easily explained; this man did sound a little like Yoongi - or, to be more accurate, her eight years old memory of Yoongi.

April fixed a smile on her lips so she could properly greet a man who was not - who could not be - Min Yoongi.

And she looked up into a pair of cat like brown eyes, surrounded with long, dark, curly lashes. Eyes she had thought, once or twice, that she could drown in. Including that eight years ago in the cemetery, when he had kissed her so long and so well that her scattered senses had allowed the worst idea of her life to look like a winner.

Yoongi's eyes. It was impossible -but it was also undeniable.

"Well," he said. In his rich baritone, the single word seemed to carry an entire encyclopedia of meaning. Or did it only seem that way to April's guilty conscience?

Not guilty, she reminded herself. She'd been foolish, yes - and impetuous and perhaps even idiotic - but she had nothing to feel guilty about. She held out her hand to him and willed her voice to stay steady. "Yoongi."

His hand was warm firm and strong. April's fingers felt fragile and shaky in his grip.

Namjoon stared down at her. Though he was obviously thunderstruck, he recovered in moments. "You know each other? But-but that's wonderful! Old friends, I suppose?"

Prompted, April stumbled through the introductions.

"Min Yoongi," Namjoon said thoughtfully. "I don't believe I've heard the name."

"Oh, of course April wouldn't have mentioned me." Yoongi said. Only the slightest emphasis set the last word apart, but there was no more doubt in his voice than there was humor in his smile.

Irritation surged through April's veins. His meaning could hardly have been clearer even if he'd come straight and said they'd been lovers. Of course, if he had, she could not only have denied it, but any listener would have doubted his motives. This was far more cunning. The implication was perfectly obvious - she could see from the expression in Namjoon's eyes that he'd gotten the message loud and clear. And yet, Yoongi hadn't really said a thing.

:No. I don't believe I ever brought up your name." she said coolly. "You were hardly important enough."

Yoongi lifted his eyebrows. "But of course, my dear. What else could I have meant?"

That you were important to talk about, which was precisely what Namjoon may be thinking about right now. April's annoyance was mixed with reluctant admiration at the way he's so neatly boxed her into a corner. The Yoongi she'd known had been as transparent as glass. Just when -and how - had the man learned to be so smooth?

Not that it mattered. April told herself firmly, what Namjoon - or anyone else thought.

Yoongi turned back to Namjoon. "It's rude of me to bring up ancient history. You shared Si-Hyuk's interest in art, you said?"

The tinge of irony in Yoongi's voice was so subtle that April almost doubted her own ears, despite the demonstration she'd just suffered at his hands. For an instant she wondered if he'd recognized Namjoon's name, and therefore doubted the casualness of his interest. But she concluded it wasn't likely; The Moonchild was far from prominent as yet, and it's director was hardly a household word across the country. Then she followed Yoongi's gaze over Namjoon's shoulder to one of Si-Hyuk's favorite and most recent acquisitions, and knew why he was feeling ironic.

"I find his taste - shall we say, interesting?" Yoongi went on. "Personally, I'd probably use that thing to wipe the mud off my shoes."

April braced herself.

The work was a long way from being her favorite. The artist - and she used the term loosely where Kim Taehyung was concerned - had used a housepainter's brush to smear three slashes of blood-red pigment on a huge white canvas, and then left it to drip. April thought it looked like something from a butcher's shop. Namjoon, on the other hand, considered the painting a master work. When he'd taken April to the gallery to see Si-Hyuk's new purchase, Namjoon had been shocked by her lukewarm reaction. He'd spent the next half hour instructing her on artistic genius and the intricacies of expressionistic symbolism - at least April thought that's what he called it. Her eyes had begun to glaze only a couple of minutes into the lecture.

She couldn't wait to see Yoongi's reaction to that same speech.

Namjoon, too had turned to look at the painting. "Oh, well, that sort of thing," he said tolerantly. "Si-Hyuk would have his little jokes now and then."

April blinked in surprise, remembering the outlandish price he'd told her Si-Hyuk had paid. Then the metallic taste of fear rose in her throat. She'd forgotten, just for a moment, Namjoon's implication that he only dabbled in art. Surely, she thought, he wasn't crazy enough to continue that charade, now that he'd had a chance to take Yoongi's measure...

"Not all collection is blatant," Namjoon went on. "Si-Hyuk actually had a few art pieces which aren't half bad."

A voice in the back of her brain told her to stop him, no matter what it took, before he offered Yoongi a favor by taking the problematic pieces off his hands. But she was mesmerized by the pressure of Namjoon's fingers on her elbow, and unable to protest.

'Blatant," Yoongi murmured. "What an interesting choice of words."

"In fact," Namjoon went on, "If you're looking for someone to help value things for the estate-"

"That's very thoughtful," Yoongi said. "I wonder where Jung Hoseok went. He's the one who'll handle all that." He glanced around the foyer, his six extra inches of height giving him the advantage of being able to look over most of the crowd, and gestured to someone April couldn't see.

Jung Hoseok. The name hit her like a rock. Hoseok was Si-Hyuk's attorney - the one Namjoon had talked to about the will. If Jung Hoseok recognized Namjoon's name...

Namjoon, however, seemed unconcerned. His smile was firmly in place.

A tall handsome man hurried up. "You wanted me, Yoongi?"

"Hoseok, I'd like you to meet April..." Yoongi paused.

Doesn't he even remember my name? April through irritably. "Park," she said coolly.

"Still? Or again?"

April felt marginally better. Yoongi's hesitation made sense after all: there was a good chance that in eight years she'd have married - and perhaps divorced, as well. At least he hadn't assumed she'd married Namjoon; maybe she should award him a point or two for that.

"Still."

"What a shame," Yoongi said softly. "I seem to remember you were determined to have a wedding. And with good reason, too."

Fury rose in April's throat. And if he solicitously asks what went wrong with my plans, she thought grimly, I'll strangle him.

But Yoongi had moved straight on to introduce Namjoon. "He offered to help appraise Si-Hyuk's collection, Hobi."

The attorney stretched out a hand. "That's very generous of you Mr. Kim. Your opinion would be valuable. As the director of the Moonchild-"

Namjoon's fingers tightened on April's elbow; it was the only sign of surprise she could detect. "Actually," he said casually, "I didn't exactly volunteer my services. The time constraints which come along with my job prevent me from doing appraisals. What I meant to say was, if you'd like to help valuing the estate's art, I'm sure April would be happy to pitch in."

April opened her mouth to protest, and closed it again. She felt like a balloon with a slow leak. Now she knew that the tightened grip of Namjoon's hand hadn't been due to surprise after all; it had been more in the nature of a warning. He'd had this planned all along. She could feel Yoongi's gaze drifting over her face, appraising her every feature, every expression. "And April is...qualified?" he asked.

She couldn't stay silent any longer. "Namjoon, I hardly think that I-"

"Nonsense," Namjoon said firmly. "Of course she's qualified. Don't underestimate your talent, April."

"Or your resources," Yoongi added, very gently. "You know Hoseok, I believe I believe I might take more of an interest in Si-Hyuk's collection myself -under the circumstances."

His hand still on her elbow, Namjoon guided April across the foyer and into the broad hallway that led toward the dining room at the back of the house. Most of the crowed had moved on toward the buffet tables, and for a few moments, in the shadow of the staircase, the two of them were completely alone.

"I think that went very well," Namjoon said.

The note of self-satisfaction in his voice grated on April's nerves. "Then all I can say is that I'd like to see your definition of disaster. The only that could have made it worse as if you'd offered to buy everything outright at some bargain-basement price."

Namjoon tipped his head to one side and considered. "It's an idea. Min might actually have gone for it."

April went on ruthlessly. "But Mr. Jung Hoseok would know you were trying to scam his client, and then you'd be in the soup and the museum would lose all credibility."

"That's an interesting point," Namjoon mused. "Why he knew me, I mean, I didn't mention the museum when I called about the will. Si-Hyuk must have told him about me along the way. April do you really believe I'm so short sided I'd try to pass myself off as an amateur?"

"It looked to me as if you were making a pretty good stab at it."

"I did nothing of sort, I simply didn't boast of my position, my education, or my background. If the man wanted to draw conclusions..."

April stood her ground. "You deliberately tried to convince him that the Kim Taehyung canvas was worth less."

"I was being diplomatic. Feeling out his tastes. Trying to establish a bond. All good gallery owners do that sort of thing, or they'd never sell a single piece. It's no thanks to you, by the way, that I read him so clearly. Why didn't you tell me you knew him?"

"Because I didn't know it myself until it was too late to run," April admitted.

"You look a little stunned," Namjoon said. "What was that stuff about weddings, anyway? You didn't marry the man, did you?"

"No." April's throat was dry, her voice taut.

"That's good. If you had, I'd really wonder about your judgement. I grant you, for a couple of minutes I was a bit unsure about him, myself. His clothes weren't bad, not at all. And the name...I wonder how somebody like that ended up with such an aristocratic name. There was once an Empress that had the same last name as his."

"Funny," April muttered. "My mother asked almost the same thing once."

"But I knew as soon as he looked blankly at that magnificent Kim Taehyung canvas that my first instinct was right." Namjoon shuddered. "The very idea of threatening to wipe his feet on it! I only hope Kim Taehyung doesn't hear what I said about his work!"

"I doubt the two of them hang around the same circles."

Namjoon laughed. "That's certainly true."

"And all good gallery owners talk that way, don't they, to gain the customer's confidence?" April didn't even try to keep the sarcasm out of her voice. "Namjoon, about this assignment you've saddled me with...Surely you don't expect me to pass myself off as a staff member, because I won't do it."

"Oh no. We'll refer to you as -let's see..."

She cut in ruthlessly. "We'll call me exactly what I am - the museum's public relations representative."

"Actually," Namjoon mused, "that's ideal. Because of your inexperience..."

"I thought you told Yoongi I was qualified?" April smirked.

Namjoon shrugged. "I didn't say expert. So any errors can easily be passed off..."

"Are you saying you want me to make errors?"

"April, my dear, you'll have all the of the museum's resources to draw on. And I can expect you to use all the expertise the Moonchild can provide you, including me."

"I suppose that means you'll make the errors? Never mind." She is starting to get frustrated as she throws her hands up in surrender.

"I'm still determined to end up with this collection April. So just remember, if you value things high, you'll have to raise the money to pay for the and explain to the board why they're worth so much."

"And if I value them low, I'll end up looking like a fool!"

"Oh I doubt that," Namjoon said easily. "Didn't you see the way he was looking at you, sort of like a hungry wolf? I imagine, if you play your cards right, you'll be able to keep Min Yoongi from asking any questions at all."

[tealenko]

Somebody that I Used to Know (Chapter 2)

Chapter 2: Life Support

This one will be the most angsty of the bunch... I really wanted to show Kaidan getting worried about Shepard and being there for her before the full romantic stuff is back in the picture, to show that he really cares for her.

Summary: Shepard is having a hard time because of Thane's death. After a long shift Kaidan finds her in front of the memorial and tries his best to cheer her up.

Words: 1623 Rating: Teens and Up Warnings: Dealing with death

Previous chapter -> [link] Read in AO3 -> [link]

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Even though it’s been years she still looks as she did before. Same gestures, same routines, same kind of conversations.

Kaidan spends some time watching her as she goes up and down the ship, talking to everyone, fixing messes, helping people… she always has something to do, just as she used to back in the day.

He is concerned about her, what she must be enduring, and after a few weeks his worries increase as he starts to notice that there’s something off, and that whatever it is she’s keeping it to herself.

He knows she used to do that quite a lot. Fake a smile and pretend everything is fine, letting her problems sink as if everything else around her was more important. He has seen her do that before and he’s afraid that with all she’s carrying on her shoulders she is doing it again.

They have a few more conversations in between missions, things starting to normalize a little, before he realizes his fears are true after a long shift.

He should be sleeping but he can’t. Even though the headache that woke him up is long gone he cannot stop staring at the ceiling and he eventually decides to go to the kitchen to grab something.

He sees her as soon as he’s out of his room, in front of the elevator, with her eyes glued to the memorial. She’s so lost in her thoughts that she doesn’t notice the sound made by the door and neither does she hear Kaidan’s footsteps getting closer to her.

He stops halfway, and a fragment of his soul breaks, shattering into a million pieces, when he sees a small tear running down her cheek.

He has seen her fight, and yell, and fall… he knows she’s been through hell and back, but he has never seen her cry before, and the sight of it is piercing a hole in his heart.

Kaidan opens his mouth to talk, but the words don’t come up. There’s so many questions traveling through his head that he wants to ask: are you alright? Is there something I can do for you? Or something you need? But he already knows the answer to all of them: no.

Instead, he gets closer to her, and looks at the memorial, giving her a few seconds before talking just in case she wants to clear her face and pretend she is alright, but she doesn’t.

“What was he like?”

“Which one of them?”

“The one you’re staring at. I didn’t get to know him, but even through the distance he kept track of me back in the hospital, I think... he was trying to protect me.”

Shepard smiles a little, reminiscing how he told her he would watch Kaidan for her, and another tear starts falling down as her mind replays pieces of the conversations they had back in the day.

“Thane was.. he was one of a kind, even at the end.” Shepard stops staring at the memorial, turning her head to her right. “You know, I... haven’t had the heart to go into that room since... well, you know.” She stammers, taking a second to breathe before talking again. “It might seem stupid.”

“It isn’t, believe me I know how...” He cuts himself in the middle of the sentence and takes a deep breath. “If you wanna try… I mean, maybe it’s easier if you’re not alone. It doesn’t have to be now, of course, but whenever you are ready… well... you only have to ask.”

Shepard looks at him for a second to confirm his offer. When he nods at her she starts walking into the room and Kaidan follows her right away.

Everything is intact. The table, the cot, the chairs… the room it’s the same one, but for her it will never feel complete again.

“He always sat there,” she says, pointing at one of the chairs. “I always came back in between missions and sat in front of him.” She smiles softly, passing her hand through Thane’s chair.

“How did you meet?”

“He was trying to finish a job, his last one, he had given up on everything… he planned to die that night but… well, I guess I avoided it.”

“How?”

“I gave him purpose, I suppose.”

“You’ve always been good at that,” Kadan says, trying to meet her eyes. “What did he do to… I mean, he seems special.”

“He was… he… “Shepard takes a second, feeling her eyes getting ready to start pouring again.” He saved me.”

“From what?”

“Everything.”

The tears start flowing and that does it. Before he has time to overthink anything he turns her and gives her a hug, wrapping his arms around her body.

He knows what she’s going through, the pain of losing someone that important to you, and even though he cannot find the words to try to comfort her he can let his actions speak for him.

She leans into the hug, burying her face on his chest and grabbing onto his shirt like he is the only thing that keeps her from falling.

Kaidan can feel a lump in his throat, and tries to hold back a tear, but seeing her like this makes him fail and he starts crying too. Maybe they are tears out of compassion, friendship or maybe out of love… He doesn’t really know. Perhaps it’s a little bit of everything.

He moves one hand to her head and they stay like that for a while, almost an eternity, neither of them having the will to break the hug. So much time passes that the tears are long gone when she speaks again.

“After what happened to me… to the Normany, I needed someone, a friend… Thane was that and more, he was family. He listened to me whenever I needed, helped me, guided me in my darkest times and never expected anything in return.”

“But you helped him anyway, didn’t you?”

Shepard laughs at his comment.

“You know me… I couldn’t stand still knowing he was suffering. He didn’t need my help, but he said he wanted it nevertheless.”

“So what did you do?.”

“We saved his son and, with time, he ended up regaining a relationship he thought forever lost. I’m glad he was able to do so before it was too late.”

“Then you helped him go in peace. I’m sure that meant a lot to him at the end.”

“I guess I did, I… never thought about it in that way.” Shepard's smile gets bigger, finding comfort in Kaidan’s words. “I knew his time would end sooner than later, I should be prepared for this, but every time I see his name out there or even if I’m close to this place… You have no idea how much time I have spent here with him, talking, laughing, reading… we did everything together.”

“Tell me about it.”

They sit on the cot and she begins to talk, and they start traveling together through her old memories. Hours pass before the silence fills the room again, with both of them contemplating how the core of the ship glows through the window.

She turns to look at him, seeing how the blue light illuminates his features. There’s something in the way he carries himself, in his expression, that makes her feel at peace. He has always had the ability to calm her just with his presence, feeling like a safe port in the middle of a storm.

“I’m so glad that you had someone like that in your life.” He says, still looking through the window. “Who took care of you no matter what. I...” His head falls a little, fixing his eyes to the ground for a few seconds before meeting hers. “I’m sorry… for your loss… If there’s anything I can do…”

“You’ve already done it… ” She moves her hand and rests it on his arm before squeezing it a little. “Thanks Kaidan, for talking to me… I think I needed that.”

“My pleasure.” Kaidan smiles at her, and the grip on his arm starts getting tighter. She smiles back at him and he feels a little bit lost for a second, it’s been a long time since he’s seen her smile like that, and his heart starts hurting again, although now it’s for a completely different reason. “Whatever you need… you only have to ask, you know that right?”

She nods at him and the silence fills the room once again, but this time they’re looking at each other. Kaidan moves his gaze through her face, noticing little scars that weren’t there a few days ago, a small bruise on her jaw and dark circles under her eyes.

“It’s pretty late, you must be tired.” He starts wondering how long she’s been awake, worrying what the lack of rest will do to her in the long run.

“Yeah, you’re right, I should sleep a little.”

“Or a lot.” She laughs at his comment, and his preoccupation warms her heart a little.

“I’ll try my best to do so.”

Neither of them want to stand up, but they are indeed pretty exhausted. She is, in fact, more tired than ever, but at the same time she feels at ease, like she’s taken a load off her shoulders, and for the first time in months, she doesn’t feel alone.

They walk together out of the room, stopping in front of the elevator, trying to spend one more second with each other before going on their way.

“Goodnight Kaidan.”

“Goodnight”

Once she is inside she turns to look at him one more time before leaving.

“Thanks again.”

“It was nothing.”

And the door closes.

Not to me.

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Next chapter -> [link]

This one was interesting to write. I really wanted to include Thane in this fic. I feel like him and my Shepard really bonded in ME2 (friendly / platonic relationship), so his dead in ME3 really affects her. I've always loved Thane but for me the time they meet makes it impossible to develop a romantic relationship. My Shepard still wants to be with Kaidan and he is still mourning his wife. But I know there's people who goes for it, so I left it pretty ambiguous just in case you want to think there was a romantic relationship between them.

As always feel free to ask for fics or give me suggestions!!!

[tyunniverse]

FRIENDS FOR A DAY (2)

pair: yeonjun x reader

genre: fluff

word count: 2654

parts: 1 | 2

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It had been a long time since Yeonjun felt like this. Sometimes life in general had become too much to bear and the things that used to make him happy weren't working for him anymore. Times spent alone slowly became more frequent for him than times he'd spent with his friends.

He'd skipped the first day, not wanting to go back to that routine life just yet. And towards the start of the day, he would never have imagined meeting you and getting to spend the day doing things that strayed far from any of the schedules he'd previously planned. A breath of fresh air was what he liked to call it, and he had you to thank for that.

Unlike him, everything was new to you; a new city, a new school, new people, and a whole new life ahead. Yeonjun felt a little envious after realizing it when you'd talked more about yourselves during lunch, but after seeing how you seemed to enjoy every single second of your little sight seeing endeavor, he thought that maybe he could also be a part of something new in your life.

Best friends.

You had agreed to be his best friend from today onwards; the pendant around your neck serving as proof. Yeonjun finds his hand wandering over to his pocket, holding on to his old necklace.

Half of a star. He'd bought it a few years back. The necklace had a similar purpose with the one he was wearing now— meant to be worn separately by two different people. In his case, he had bought it as a whole and had decided to keep one half of it still in its case, stashed inside his closet. His reasons for purchasing it never really felt clear even to him but he also wouldn't call it an impulsive decision. Yeonjun liked to think that he'd be able to find a use for it in the future.

"Yeonjun." You call for his attention, pointing at the posters plastered on a random shop's wall. "It says that the annual carnival will be opening tonight. Wanna go?"

Yeonjun grins. Opportunities somehow kept showing up right in front of his doorstep. "Yeah, only if you want to though. Afterall, I'm only the tour guide for today."

"Shut up." You hold back a smile. "Have you been there before?"

Yeonjun repeats the question in his mind. As someone one would consider pretty popular, you'd expect him to be no stranger in hanging out at fun places like an annual carnival, but that's just it. Yeonjun had never visited that Carnival once ever since it opened. His friends had asked him to tag along but something about it just never seemed to make him want to.

"No." Yeonjun answers, scratching the back of his head. "If we end up going then this would be my first time too." The first time he'd actually wanted to go.

"I guess we're going then." You grin and Yeonjun finds himself smiling back. "It says here that the Carnival's just around the corner so it'd probably be okay if we just walked there."

"Yeah."

The two of you make your way to the Carnival. You still had a good amount of time left before it opened so a few quick stops at some stalls along the way didn't do any harm.

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In all honesty, Yeonjun didn't even know when and how he'd ended up holding your hand, laughing his heart off by the time you arrived at the entrance but it all just happened somehow. Was it the when your ice cream cone almost landed straight on his shoe earlier? Or when his hand nearly hit you square in the face when he noticed a bug flying towards you? It could've even been when a group of old ladies started hitting on him at the handbag boutique and all you did was stand there shaking, wanting to laugh your ass off.

No matter what the reason was, he liked this. Somehow, it just felt right.

The two of you pay for the tickets before heading inside. The place was larger than any of you had ever expected, cleaner too. People of all ages were enjoying their carnival experience to the fullest. Children were running around with their guardians following closely behind, couples and groups of friends chatting along and taking pictures— Yeonjun could swear he saw two old men arguing over who gets to take a picture with the mascot first.

"So, which ride do you wanna go on first?" You ask, turning to him.

"Well, how about that one." Yeonjun points at the viking and you feel yourself getting more and more excited.

"NICE—" Before Yeonjun knew it, you were dragging him around to every single ride at the carnival.

You liked to keep count of everytime Yeonjun freaked out while you went on the rides, and Yeonjun liked to do the same. Despite the thrill of being at a carnival keeping you hyped up, there were a few times when you had overestimated your tolerance with being thrown around. Yeonjun nearly puked twice: once at the twister, and a second time on the rollercoaster. Even you were almost a victim by the rollercoaster's loops.

Yeonjun had claimed he was an expert at navigating haunted house attractions, stating, "I've been watching horror movies all my life. Nothing scares me at this point, tbh." True enough, nothing scared Yeonjun except every single ominous decoration and jump scares the haunted house threw at him. You weren't too fond of horror yourself, but you ended up trying to be the brave one after Yeonjun basically clung to you half of the time. It didn't help whenever you freaked out since you ended up losing Yeonjun after he not so subtly abandons you at the slightest suspicious sound. It was a miracle you made it out in one piece.

"Yeah, so, uh, sorry about that." Yeonjun laughs it off the moment you two got out.

"Sure but you should know that I'm never gonna let you live it down." You tell him, smiling widely as you hold up the photos you received from one of the staff. "I got evidence."

Yeonjun snatches the photos from your hands. "Bold of you to assume these'll affect me— oh." It definitely did.

You watch as he slips the photos inside his jacket as if it wasn't obvious enough that he was trying to hide it from you. "Nice try but," You take out another batch of photos and wave it around. "Boom. Two copies."

"Wow, okay."

The two of you ended up laughing at each other before you suggest in trying out the stalls. They say time flies by fast when you're having fun and they couldn't be more right. There had been an unspoken competition between you and Yeonjun of who can win the most prizes and let's just say you weren't about to let yourself lose. By the time you got tired, you had a total of three plushies and a bunch of candy bars stuffed in your pockets and well, Yeonjun had the exact amount of prizes you had.

"Fine. It's a draw for now but only because I'm tired." Yeonjun holds the plushies tighter. "We should really get a bag for this. I wonder if we can get a huge plastic bag somewhere."

"Nah, we can just put em in here." You take off your back pack, opening it wide. "I'm sure it can fit all six of them. They're small enough." You were lucky that they did, finally leaving your hands free.

"Wait." Yeonjun pauses after putting the last of his plushies inside. "How can I be sure you won't just take my plushies for yourself after we leave? I'm pretty easy to distract so—"

"If you forget to get them back then I'll just hand them to you tomorrow at school. You go to HSU too, right?" You tell him.

"Yeah, but how will you contact me?"

"Obviously, we exchange numbers."

Yeonjun blinks. Of course that'd be the simplest solution but still. He'd been talking about staying as friends even after all this but the thought of exchanging numbers hadn't really crossed his mind. He takes out his phone and the two of you quickly added each other as contacts, somehow feeling a bit closer after the exchange.

"While we're at it—" Yeonjun pulls you in closer as he bends down. Only now that you've felt Yeonjun's warmth close to you have you noticed how cold it actually was outside . It takes you a few seconds to register that he wants to take a few selfies.

You bust out a smile and tried to go along with whatever weird faces and poses he did. "Send them to me later." You say after examining the photos. There's one where Yeonjun mimicked a kissing motion near your cheek, making you smile. Who would've expected you two were total strangers up until a few hours ago.

"Got room for one last ride?" Yeonjun asks as you return his phone.

"Yeah, sure. Which one?"

"Don't ask as if you don't know. I'm pretty sure you left this one out on purpose."

Perhaps unconsciously, you did. In every single movie that involved the two characters going to a carnival, for some reason, they always left the Ferris Wheel for last. It's not like you wanted something grand to happen when you ride it, but more like you just wanted to get a good view of the entire carnival before leaving. It seemed like the perfect final attraction.

Yeonjun notices how you've gone quiet and decided to hold your hand, pulling you along. "Let's go before the place closes."

"Okay." You look up at him, nodding.

· · ───────────── ·.☆.· ───────────── · ·

The Ferris Wheel ride wasn't all you had expected it to be. It looked pretty slow in the movies but right now? You were about to puke.

"Yeonjun, wait." You hold on to Yeonjun who was sitting opposite to you.

The Ferris Wheel was going too fast to your liking and you started feeling dizzy. Getting a good view of the carnival seemed impossible at this point and looking at your partner made you even more miserable.

Yeonjun was having the time of his life. He loved the feeling in his stomach whenever the ride went down, and the fact that you were lowkey suffering right in front of him made him laugh even harder.

The speed went on for a few more rounds until it finally slows down. Your heart and probably everything else stilled once the ride came to a complete stop just as your car reached the top. "Thank God. I felt like I was going to die."

"Well, you're safe for now." Yeonjun grins, leaning back in his heat. "You wanted to enjoy the view, right? We'll be stuck here for probably about a minute or two so enjoy it while it lasts."

"Yeah." You smile back, looking outside the window.

The winds were colder up there, reminding you of how warm it felt when you stood close to Yeonjun earlier. Yeonjun catches you warming yourself up with your hands and chuckles. He takes off his jacket and hands it over to you. "Here, put this on."

"Thanks." You quickly put his jacket on. Usually you'd go for the polite route and turn him down but if you were going to continue this friendship business then you weren't about to suffer in the cold when the dude's practically handing you a solution.

Yeonjun gives you a little smile before you continue to admire the view. Down there, the lights almost looked like a sea of stars. The music around the place didn't really help set the mood but somehow, the mixture of it along with the laughter and delightful screams of the other visitors made it feel right. After everything that happened today, you felt like it was the right decision to end the day with this breathtaking sight.

And Yeonjun couldn't agree more. The lights below reflected in your eyes in a way that made the atmosphere lighter. He could tell you were happy and right now, that seemed to be enough for him.

The Ferris Wheel began moving. Yeonjun snickers as he felt you grab for his hand, worried that the ride might throw you off once more, but it didn't. The way down was slow, allowing you to enjoy the ride in peace. Your pendant started to shine, reflecting the lights. It reminded him of everything that happened, from the moment you two met and agreed on a friendship that would last for only a day, up until now where he held your hand on the Ferris Wheel after deciding to be friends for real this time. The pendant became the sole proof of that friendship and Yeonjun couldn't help but wonder if the ones he bought a few years back would truly be of any use in the future. But what would it symbolize for? Who knows, he might just give you the other half.

Your car comes to a stop and the doors open. The realization that the day has officially come to an end left you feeling disappointed. Yeonjun squeezes your hand, bringing your attention to him. He gestures for the two of you to get up and you do, finally stepping back on the ground.

Both you and Yeonjun felt that the way back to the entrance was too fast. It really did seem like the two of you wouldn't see each other again despite the fact you went to the same university. The thought felt silly but that's just how the carnival experience gets to you.

"I guess this is it." Yeonjun speaks up first. "You live pretty far from here, right? I can take you home if you want."

"It's okay. My cousin lives nearby and I texted her earlier that I'd be staying over." You tell him, not wanting him to worry. "How about you? Will you be alright on your own?"

"Yeah, definitely." Yeonjun reassures, holding up his hands. "Oh, and by the way. Is it okay if I leave the plushies on your bag for now? I can't exactly carry them on the way back. If it's ok with you."

"Don't worry. You can just take them back tomorrow." You grin and Yeonjun smiles back. "Also, I'm keeping your jacket for now. I'll return it after I clean it up."

"I can work with that." He shouldn't feel this happy but he did. In a way, he was able to find an excuse to meet up with you tomorrow without things getting awkward. Maybe this friendship could work out afterall.

"Thanks for today. Honestly, this was the most fun I've had ever since I got here." You say, taking one last look at him.

I should be the one to thank you. "You know, I have a lot of things I wanna say to you right now but I think I'm gonna wait until I feel like it."

"Huh?"

"Nothing. I'll text you later." Yeonjun gives you a quick pat on the shoulder before running off to the opposite direction. "See you at school! And don't forget to bring the kids!"

You raise a brow. Did he just refer to the plushies as his kids?

He felt dumb, running away from you. The longer he stayed, the more he had trouble leaving, which was new for him. It's been a while since he actually found someone he'd like to hang out with and he was having trouble controlling his excitement. Soon, you'd be able to visit each other's houses, hang out more freely, talk about your days as if it were nothing, and get to know each other more. Honestly speaking, Yeonjun couldn't wait for that day to come but I guess he'll just have to start with tomorrow.

[satsuki2406]

OPEN SKY  Bakugou Katsuki x Reader

"...And never, ever forget that, your dreams are the wings that'll help you fly."

(L/N)(Y/N) has always been forced to live according to others' expectations. As a member of the powerful and influential (L/N) Family, she has had to live with the heavy weight of seeing others write her destiny with no choice but just obey. But when (Y/N) finally decides to risk it all to take the only opportunity to regain the control of her own life, everything ends up going horribly wrong. Surrendered and disappointed, she receives one last chance to prove to herself and to U.A, along with some unexpected help that this was not a crazy and meaningless waste of time.

Maybe this plan could work after all...

PAIRING: (Bakugou Katsuki x Reader)

GENRE/WARNINGS: Romance, Fluff, Angst, Mentions of sex, My poor attempt of comedy, family dysfunctionality, Strong language (Courtesy of Lord Explosion Murder 💥), Manga Spoilers.

STATUS: On going

Chapter 1: Failure

Chapter 3: Her Start

2-Sometimes the Greatest Hero of All is a Good Friend

“The person you’ve called is unavailable, please leave a-”

“Still no answering…. You said you’ll call me right after the exam (Y/N), I hope everything is ok. What should I do now? Oh! I got it!” Swiftly, slender fingers moved over the tactile screen of her phone, anxious eyes looking for a specific contact. “Found it!” After a few rings, the other end of the line was answered.

“Good afternoon,Mizaki talking. How may I help you today?”

“Hello, may I please speak to (L/N) Xiù-san?”

“I’m sorry. (L/N)-san is busy right now. Would you like to leave a message?”

“Sure, please let her know I’m calling in regard of (Y/N), I would like to know about her.”

“Alright miss, and your name please?”

 “Yaoyorozu Momo.”

Three days have passed since the whole U.A fiasco, you were of course grounded, with no phone, no internet and completely insolated in your room. Your fever was already gone, just leaving behind a really mild sore throat. Although your body didn’t hurt anymore, your heart did, over and over again you replayed the whole thing in your mind beating your head to find out what you could have changed, what you could have done differently. It was eating you inside out. You felt like a failure and so unfortunate. How could you fail over something so silly?!

You’ve been in your bed since you arrived home that day, already numbed by all the crying you did that night, your mom’s complains, and had barely eaten. You knew that in a couple of days the response from U.A will arrive to already tell you what you knew. And after that, you’ll have no choice but go to class again for the last week of school. Thankfully there’s surely nothing you’ll have to catch up with.

But before you could sail deeper in your personal sea of self-petty, a knock on your door took you out of your rambling thoughts.

“Come in,” you said boringly.

“Sorry to disturb you (Y/N)-sama but Yaoyorozu-sama had come to visit you, do you want me to let her in or you prefer to rest a little-”

“Momo?! Oh, yes please, tell her to come in!”

“As you wish, (Y/N)-sama”

A couple of minutes later Momo entered your room escorted by the same maid. She was wearing your school uniform, by her side were two of her bodyguards, on her left, one was caring several paper grocery bags full of what looked like tons of snacks and junk food, on her right another tall and bulky man held a white cake box and some pastel-colored paper bags. You threw yourself to her and hugged her fondly. She gasped surprised by your sudden show of affection, but she immediately returned it with one of her own, melting with you in a tight embrace. “Momoo! *SNIFF* I missed you so much! I’m sorry for not answering your texts and calls but my mom took my phone away.”

“Oh, (Y/N) don’t worry I imagined something like that, I’m so sorry I couldn’t come before, but when I tried to come visit, one of the maids said your mother had prohibited it.”

“Of course she did, she feeds on my suffering” you mumbled sourly.

“Oh, don’t be like that, I know she can be-uhm…”

“Harsh? Insufferable? Unreasonable? A hag-?”

*AHEM! * Strict, she can be strict-yes! But I’m sure that she is doing it all with your best interest in mind, or I hope so…”

“Aha… not even you believe that, by the way, what’s up with all the shopping bags?” At the mention of them, she beamed, star-eyed, cheeks flushed with excitement, recalling her little adventure of the day.  

“Today I went to one of these really incredible, advantageous little stores where you can find anything, anywhere and have a wide variety of products for a fair price.

“You mean a konbini?”

“Yes! They are great, aren’t they? So convenient!”

“I bet they are.”

“They really are! To think that all of this only cost me ¥10 000!*”

“You spent how much?!”

“Oh, it’s nothing! I made sure to get an ample array of different products to enjoy together and, I thought some yummy snacks would cheer you up.”

You felt your heart clench at such sweet declaration from your dearest and oldest friend, she really was the most selfless and caring being you’ve ever met.

“Momo~! Have I ever told you that I’ll be nothing without you~?”

“Yes, and is nice to hear that you value my efforts, even if I can’t do anything to revert the past and change what happened, I can act now, in the present and do as best as I can to make you feel better and let you know that anything that occurred is not your fault, so please don’t think less of you. Sometimes life acts in mysterious ways that maybe we don’t understand, but someday it will make sense and we will know, comprehend and accept why our plans do not always go as we wish. 

And even if it’s hard to accept at first, there are better things waiting for us than we even expected or asked for since the beginning. What I’m trying to say is, please don’t let this unpleasant ordeal take you down, I know that you’re more than capable to be a hero, even more than me, so keep fighting no matter how many times they knock you down, I’m sure you’ll still rise every time. Don’t give up.” Your friend looked at you while she held both of her hands over her chest, her eyes bright, sweet and sincere made her words hit you with more intensity.

“Momo…” you said moved.

“Oh, don’t mind me, I think I got a little sentimental, but anyway! I hope you like what I brought for this occasion-Oh! Kaji-san, Sasaki-san please leave the bags here.” Momo instructed the bodyguards to put them over the center table of the seating area inside your spacious room. After that, they were dismissed and exited the room alongside the same maid that let them in.

Immediately after they left, another one entered your room with a golden vintage-looking bar cart full of all the musts for a proper tea party. A shiny silver tea set was put in the center of the cart, besides it a couple of white golden rimmed China teacups seated cutely surrounded by all kinds of sweet and savory goodies. Under the same cart, a large collection of the most exquisite teas and coffees could be found, most of them brought by your mother herself from her several trips around the globe. As an enthusiast of these drinks, she always made sure to visit the most renowned tea crafter countries to bring the best of the best with her.

“Good afternoon ladies, what would you like to drink?”

“I’ll have tea, that new black tea my mother got last month,” You said.

“Sure! And for you Yaoyorozu-sama?”

“I’ll drink the same, you talked to me about this tea before, right? It sounded so good that I’ve been wanted to try it since then.”

“I’m positive you’ll enjoy it as much as I did! It has a fruity undertone; it goes really well with everything.” You said excitedly.

Once the hot drinks were set and served the maid left the room with the snacks Momo brought to place them in the kitchen for later consuming. Once alone, you could talk more comfortably and privately.

“So… what in heaven you did or said to make my flexible as a rock mother to let you enter into my fortress of loneliness?”

“That’s easy…”

“School Work”

“That’s it?! And what school work?! Next week is the last week of classes, and we already had our final tests. What else could you do that we haven’t already done last week?”

“A lot actually, we still had to receive our final lessons and they gave back our tests’ results and you mother specify clearly and I quote: ‘Although (Y/N) is sick it doesn’t mean I’ll allow her under any circumstances to get delayed on her studies even if the school year is basically over, she must learn discipline and obedience, put in practice what she’s been taught all this time, she evidently hasn’t been taught properly.’

“Why it doesn’t surprise me she said that? Do you-”

“-Have your tests with me right now? Of course, they are part of the reason your mother let me trespass your ‘fortress of loneliness’ Pretty impressive as always, but I guess you couldn’t beat me in math, again.” She smiled.

“Aw! I studied really hard for that exact reason!”

“Don’t worry it was only 5 points-Wow! you were pretty right! This tea is delectable!” Momo said after taking a sip of her cup.

“But still!-I know! Right?”

“Don’t worry though, you’ll have plenty of times in high school”

After Momo’s comment everything came back to your mind, it really felt like a distant memory, at some point you question yourself if it was real, to begin with, it was hard to believe that one single person could have such bad luck in less than 12 hours, every single thing that could go possibly wrong went horrible. And now it was over, you once in a lifetime opportunity slipped from your fingers as soon as it came. And now with your mother aware of your intentions it could be nearly impossible to escape the path that was already set for you.

It's useless now, isn’t it?’

“(Y/N)?”

“Huh?”

Without you knowing, countless tears started rolling down your cheeks, the sadness and frustration scaping out of your body against your will.

“I’m sorry for touching that topic so aggressively, it was so tactless of me to don’t have your feelings on the account.” Said Momo a bit dejected.

“Don’t worry about that Momo, you are already doing so much to make me feel better and I’m so grateful you are here with me right now and, I’ll have to get over it eventually.” Momo frowned, she knew you really well and although she knew your words to her were genuine, you were not ok or dealing well with it at all, maybe if you…

“Do you want to talk about it? You know, vent your frustrations with me? You know you can trust me.” She said while she took your hand reassuringly.

“I know I can trust in you Mocchan, you are my best friend…”

“But?”

“I don’t even know how to put into words how I feel, it’s overwhelming at so many levels! Everything crumbled down so fast than before I could understand what was going on, I blacked out in the middle of battle center trying to save some guy form a 3 pointer, at the end I was the one who needed to be saved. I lost my only chance to make my dreams come true in such a foolish way and I couldn’t do anything about it! I went through so much! I had to wake up at 4:30 every day to train without my mother noticing, I stayed up until 2 am to study and be prepared for the exam, and all of that for nothing! I don’t even know what to do Momo, I feel I going crazy! I’m losing my mind inside these four walls! I feel trapped, hopeless, I just, I just want to disappear…”

An ominous silence invaded the room, you finally could say all that you have been bottling in out all this time. Momo debated what she could say in a situation like this, you really were screwed. But even having knowledge of your situation and its implications, something told her that, even if it was small there is still some hope. Trying to collect her thoughts she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, after a few seconds she opened them again and looked at you with a mix of confidence and faith.

“You know, since we met, I always thought you were the most courageous and aspiring person I’ve ever known. You never gave up, never let the limitations given by your family stopped you from being who you truly were, like a bird who didn’t know about frontiers or bounds, always focused at the horizon, what laid ahead, in the future, your future. Although you knew it was risky, you did it anyway, you took a leap of faith, and even though things didn’t come out as you wanted, you did it, you dared. Failure means that you’ve tried, don’t let failures and errors stop you, but make you stronger. So please, raise your head, stand proudly because a hero can always-”

“-break out of a tough spot, I know. Thank you, Momo.” You looked at your spread palm and closed your eyes for a moment. “It’s true that there’s nothing I can do, It already happened, is in the past and I can’t change it, but, as you said I have the present, the one that matters, the one that’ll help me shape my future, there’s no point on sulking over something that already happened, but I do have control over what’s happening and will happen. The only thing I can do now is wait for my letter, get over it, get a closure. And after that happens, I’ll just try it again, I learned my lesson, if I want to be a strong hero, I have to think in my wellbeing first, If I can’t save myself, I won’t be able to save anybody. I’ll do it at my own pace.” You closed your fist and opened your eyes full of renewed energy and conviction, you looked up at your always trusty friend and gave her your most sincere smile.“I don’t know how but I’ll keep trying, I’ll definitely do it.” Momo smiled back at you sharing your same emotions, grateful to see the same flame invade your eyes and spirit. 

“I know you will.”  

 “…But first, we’ll have some melon pan.*”

“…” 

*¥10,000 are approximately $91,35.

*Melon pan [ メロンパン ] (meronpan): They are sweet buns made with an enriched dough covered in a thin layer of crisp cookie dough. Their appearance resembles a melon (cantaloupe). Ironically they are not usually melon flavored but it can vary from caramel, maple syrup, chocolate, sometimes with syrup, whipped cream, flavored cream or custard as a filling. In the case of such variations, the name may drop the word 'melon' (maple pan) or may keep it despite the lack of melon favor (chocolate melon pan).

[ziracona]

OK nancy/quentin is the #1 and i love it to death but... joey/quentin... thoughts... Headcanons... Thoughts??

UHM so, yes, Nancy-Quentin is #1 pure fave & I think Claudette-Quentin is my #2, but I DO have thoughts on this and actually I think Joey-Quentin is my #3??? I might write a short dbd mildly shippy cute Joey-Quentin fic sometime soon bc I’ve have an idea for a while now??? (AU to ILM not like a post-fic)

It’s not my fault, @platinumbered did this too me, but I am so glad it happened. I went to a con last year with my buddy Tyler who cosplays Joey and we did a Quentin and Joey photo shoot for fun and it was not intentionally shippy at all but uhhhhhh

Plus some iPhone photos of my sketch book brainstorming tiny fic lol. Anyway, I like it a lot??? Joey never gets enough screen time, and he’s amazing, and like, I think they could have a really good dynamic? Joey’s the second most sympathetic/humanity retaining Legion member, and he’s a very interesting person. I think they would vibe well together, because Joey’s really not a bad dude at heart, and I think he’s also the kind of person who would both be p likely to make a nice impulse decision under pressure, and to have a hard time not being impacted by nice/kind/honourable people if he acidenttally spent enough time with them to know them a little. He’s got a conscience down there.

Quentin is super justice determinator martyr boy, so he wouldn’t go looking for something positive about Joey, I mean, he’s a killer, so? But I also think Quentin is also a very forgiving person (within reason) like a reverse Mr. Darcy? His good opinion once lost is not lost forever, but rather he is very likely to adjust to new information and be willing to give someone who seems to really be trying or changing a chance. It would be weird, and hard (/any/ killer-survivor relationship would obvs be, regardless of how the killer got there and why they were doing stuff, and p gd unlikely in the first place), but I think if one of them helped the other once, which could happen very easily, because they both would be inclined to make nice/merciful impulse decisions under extremely high pressure extreme circumstances, if they’re making the choice alone—then they would really be good together. They’d be curious why the other did it, and think about it a lot, and not able to act like nothing had changed the next time they saw each other. I think kind of tentatively and slowly, they’d end up reaching out bit by bit, and Joey would grow a more present conscience, and they could get close. It’s really hard? To like, come back from having been a bad person/done something super shitty? But Quentin’s kind of an ideal partner for that, because he genuinely believes in forgiveness and second chances, and goes with his gut, and having someone really believe in you can make impossible stuff a lot more doable.

And I think Joey would help Quentin be more of the upper teen/young adult he’s supposed to be, since they’re the same age, and Joey’s the kind of dude to be really into like, normal, healthy young adult upper teen stuff, and would talk Quentin into doing it and being able to feel like some kind of a youth again, which is super important for him? Like, this poor boy not only underwent massive trauma, but he had to grow up really fast—he was (since movie does not explicitly ever state) either 16 or 17 when Freddy cane back, and he got stuck in the hell realm and killed on repeat, and like? 16-17 is a baby. I mean, not literally, but that’s really young. And he constantly has to be responsible and work hard and be in danger and die and deal with impossible shit, and he’s trying to help all these older people and protect them and act like he’s thirty, but he’s not. He’s still a half a kid that got robbed of the youth he was supposed to have. And has been being damaged repeatedly and mercilessly ever since. So, having someone that would actually /see/ him as the youth he’s supposed to be, and encourage and get him to goof off in a relaxed way, and make that actually okay and safe and possible to do, and not something that would end in punishment and suffering and only reinforce in his head that he’s not allowed to be anything but like, the martyr and a grownup, trying to save everyone else? That would be invaluable to his mental health. And at the same time, he’d encourage Joey, I think, just by being how he is, to be a more responsible and self-sacrificing person, and to just kind of want to be better, and it would be really hard and weird to get to know each other at the start, because of what their lives are, but if they made it to friends or significant others? I think they’d both get to be so much more normal and happy and healthy together. And they’d make a really good couple.

Still cool and hardcore and tough, looking out for each other in a shitty place, but like, for once in his life, Quentin would get to do it a little like a YA protagonist instead of the suffering slow death he lives right now, and Joey would get to actually be a good guy in his own story again, instead of a monster, and like, wouldn’t just suffer for doing it—would be appreciated, and thanked, and more happy too, more okay. And it wouldn’t fix everything for him or Joey, but they’d push each other in good directions, and I think they’d get along. Bond over some music. Trade some indie and prog rock for some 80s power ballads. Both learn again, from entirely separate directions and in completely different ways, that not everybody is as shitty as they seem. Or hopeless or lost cause or bad. Including themselves.

Anyway I have a lot of feelings about this ship so there’s the much longer take than you asked for ;-) 💙💙💙

[bladekindeyewear]

HS^2 bloggin’ mainline 2020-03-12

I have been told only a few things about the upd8 that just landed, over Discord by two people:

upd19 feat. 4,901,157 read it. now. note: the featuring note is accurate if in a different base than what you might be expecting

What the fuck does that even mean.

Okay Pretty good chapter.

...from another friend who VERY dislikes HS^2?  Oh shit.

I also glimpsed a post that may or may not have been about Homestuck at all at the top of my Tumblr feed for an instant that said “YES YES YES YES YES” in huge bold print.  I have no idea whether to be excited or nervous.

Okay, it’s not a Bonus update... let me comb through from an earlier page to be careful not to get a spoilerlook at the pagecount...

...huh.  That seems... like a conversation that would be up my alley, but not necessarily unique so far or worth all this crowing about.  I thought we were about to get Dirk-aliens with a full Horschestra backing... are we getting something else?

> CHAPTER 6. A Conversation Regarding Relevance

Hmmmmmmmm.  With the contrast between their reactions and this ominous buildup, there’s got to be a serious fun-twist coming.  Right?  --I’ll stop with that talk for the moment though.

space is vast. an unproductive statement, almost a tautology. [...]

Alright, that and the starry background are riffing the fuck off Star Trek.  Nice homage to Andrew’s roots.

the lives of the many are far too volatile and instinct-driven

Alt!Callie what the fuck are you doing.  This is intentional now.  You can’t play this off as “what’s a Star Trek”.

tautologies are, in general, reserved for stories. for narrative device. for finding new and inventive ways to tell an audience that which they already know.

God damnit she’s still doing it

neither of us ever able to convince the other of the righteousness of our stance. we were never meant to agree. it isn’t in our blood.

Blah blah overanalyzing classpect blah

when they scoff at my tautology ‘space is vast’, what do they really know? nothing. as far as any of them have experienced, space does not exist.

It’s still nice to see some real personality leak through on Alt!Callie.  We definitely know from her other self that she can develop quite a relatable and colorful one.  Have the years helped?

> ==>

dramantic pouse... ........

Also,

-look at that collar.  Damn, Callie, that is a collar

very few have stood and looked into the abyss, the true gulf of nothingness that spreads out around the single point of consciousness adrift in a constellation. all the combined weight of sentient endeavour would quail underneath that sheer, irresistible truth. the realization that they are so small, that the universe cares about their puny lives so very little. sitting in the glowing light of the stars this becomes even more apparent

In the official aspect quiz I never took the time to analyze, the aspects were put on a wheel where Space was a neighbor to Void, if I recall correctly.  I wonder how much those aspects engender feelings of goddamnit I’m doing it again aren’t I

...

are we out of orange juice?

Yesss let more personality Alt!Callie bleed through, more of it~

Wait, does Alt!Callie even taste through Jade?  Isn’t this remote control?  Is she vicariously drawing pleasure from Jade’s not-just-meat-or-candy mostly-human taste buds or?

> ==>

JADE: are you talking to me? JADE: because if you are i would like to remind you that i hate!! orange juice!!

OH FUCK YES!!! SHE’S IN THERE AND AWAKE!!! SHE STILL HAS AT LEAST ENOUGH AGENCY TO BE PRESENT AND ARGUE WITH CALLIE! YESSSSSS

no you don’t.

JADE: well i guess i never really had a strong opinion on it before JADE: but now i cant stand it!! JADE: its all you drink!

i like the pulp.

QUIT INADVERTANTLY FORCING SHIT ON JADE WITH NARRATIVESPEAK GIVE HER A BIT OF LEEWAY ALT!CALLIE YOU CONTROLLING--

JADE: its my body and i dont want orange juice! JADE: i hate pulp, and i didnt just make that up to spite you JADE: who wants strings in their juice?

i do.

JADE: ughhhhhhhhh

I have had friends hopefully fantasize about and/or therapeutically roleplay this exact situation with Jade breaking through and arguing with Alt!Callie’s control to make this all a fair bit more palatable but I didn’t dare to hope we’d get even THIS much

Maybe the HS^2 authors DO care about not leaving us wallowing in hopeless witness to the characters’ constant torture and existential turbosuffering!!!! :#D

i realize that jade’s situation is less than ideal from a characterization perspective, but i still politely point out that nobody likes a whiner.

Fuck you, this isn’t CALIBORN you’re trying to repress you asshole!  Leave Jade some AGENCY!!!!!  She deserves it!!

JADE: fuck you rude calliope inside my head!

YES EXACTLY

JADE: why dont you try being possessed by the spirit of some other version of a good friend of yours, and floated around a spaceship full of people you love JADE: unable to affect anything or say hello to anyone! JADE: then tell me about whiners!

i killed my brother and consumed him.

JADE: sounds like a you problem

Compromise and give her some agency finally come on compromise and give her some agency you red-text twatwaffle

i suggest to the witch that i have spent untold eons in the void between universes, waiting for the moment i would be needed to prevent the dissipation of reality as we know it. her appeals to emotion will not help her. i will remain unmoved.

Oh god damnit.

JADE: well i had to watch my boyfriend and my brother die in front of me on a tiny scaled version of a world that i shrunk for them! JADE: and then spend the next three years talking to myself, wracked with guilt that id killed them!

Oh. God. Damnit.  This had better not be where the Suicide trigger warning was coming from.  Are there going to be any characters left who DIDN’T emerge from this mess feeling suicidal?!?  (I mean if there were any understandable case it would be three years alone on the golden ship Jade but-- I mean COME ON, we have to discuss that in our FIRST GLIMPSE at her since the epilogues?!?)

> ==>

i remind the witch that my time was in the void, which is far darker and lonelier [...]

Oh fuck you don’t compare suffering as an excuse to COMPLETELY body-enslave and squash the agency of someone when you probably don’t have to.  You’re just doing what’s COMFORTABLE alt!Callie admit it.  There’s a way you could give her some leeway, I’m almost positive.

JADE: even if i had the powers of a first guardian, my brain still worked in modules of human pattern recognition! JADE: three years is a long time for a human teenager, i dont care how many of her molecules are made of a god!

(i love it when jade talks smart, that bit of the epilogues was a treat too, plz reveal more of the big brain on jade)

It seems Jade can’t see or quite understand the full import of there being a “narrative”.  Or THINKS she cant, because she still says:

JADE: your voice is impossible to read and i cant see your face

If she’s “reading” alt!Callie’s remarks, that means she’s breaking through to understand the narrative to SOME extent.  She might be one of the ones who learns to do that a little more and better in the future, especially with alt!Callie almost unintentionally training her to see it.

> ==>

Oh, good.  So A!C’s not above being considerate.  That’s a step in the right direction.

> ==>

D’aww, Jade conceding and trying to empathize like her usual self.  I appreciate it.  :)  --but Alt!Callie’s definitely in the wrong here.

JADE: but i think it is a very natural thing to be silly when you are used to being able to control your own body, but now cant

i will allow that, yes.

Thanks.  Learn some damned reason.

jade smiles. dave and karkat will always be a source of pain for her, a low ache somewhere in her center of gravity, but she is happy for them. she knows that there is really no other alternative for how to be. they chose each other over her, and they always will. they are the two people who matter to her the most in every universe, and that will not change, no matter how much she wishes it would, no matter how--

JADE: do you actually know that?

pardon me?

Oh, shit.

JADE: do you actually know that im doomed to pine over dave and karkat across every iteration of reality? JADE: like, can you actually see that? JADE: because youre a space player, like i am. JADE: i know that you are more powerful than me, but i dont think you can see other timelines any better than i can JADE: so i think you are just being dramatic JADE: for the “audience”, whatever the heck that means

i experience a moment of unease as jade looks at me. keeping her out of my thoughts is proving to be more difficult than i had first assumed it would be.

That’s a damned interesting question.  I was giving the narrative the benefit of the doubt, but given everything the Epilogues warned us about when it came to the narrators and alt!Callie’s occasional slips into her own bias, I really should have known better.

i had begun confident that i could keep her consciousness sleeping peacefully inside the shell of her body, tamed and quiescent, but she has proved to be more irascible than i initially gave her credit for.

JADE: heheh JADE: i have never been particularly tamable, and my consciousness is huge!

This might end up playing out more like my friend’s Jade-breaks-out roleplays than I initially assumed.  (What does she mean “huge consciousness” though?  Superpowered due to part-First-Guardian, like she alluded earlier in the conversation?  That never got much play before, so it’s great to see that potential realized here a bit...)

> ==>

...I’m a fucking idiot.  Of COURSE “huge consciousness” and the whole line around it was just an unsubtle double-entendre.  A small part of me actually wondered if it was and dismissed it as a clumsy reading in an instant.  How stupid am I?  Jade is the best.

If only this sort of thing worked on Cherubs.

> ==>

Yeah.  It really doesn’t.

...Alt!Callie, you are a fucking war-criminal for bottling all these double-entendres up where none of the others can appreciate them.

> ==>

JADE: you are a pretty tough crowd, evil callie JADE: but yes, i can hear most of what you are thinking to yourself JADE: it took a little while to separate it from my own thoughts, just like it did with dirk JADE: because thats what he was doing the whole time, wasnt it? JADE: controlling our thoughts JADE: making us believe things we never would, things he thought we SHOULD believe

Fucking excellent.  She’s definitely training herself on this shit.  The more people who have a harder time getting fooled by this nonsense the better.

jade knows all of this, i don’t have to tell her. she is a very bright girl, and even if she didn’t have partial access to my thoughts, she is good at compiling data and using it to fill in gaps. as she herself had rather licentiously mentioned, her brain is quite large.

C:

and all of these reasons are why i know i can count on her to be reasonable and realistic about her situation. i need a body to continue interfacing with this timeline, and her body is the only one that will do.

Dammit.  Trying to get her to logic her way back into keeping Alt!Callie in complete control.  That’s a tactic that will probably work.  :(

what about [kanaya], jade? she is a space player, it is true, but her powers are nothing compared to yours. for one, she isn’t god tier, and for two, she is dead. a living dead, but dead nonetheless.

Hm.  Are you saying she maybe has less relevance, less of an effect on her surroundings because she spent some of her “cred” on unconventional partial resurrection?  To the extent where she’d make a less influential vessel?  Hmm.

For that to even matter, you have to be planning to use Jade’s Space powers too.  Taking a far more active role in things than narrative beacon.

and a sylph’s specializations lie on a different end of the spectrum from my own. a witch is a far closer match.

!!!!!

Sounds like details of the classpect system that we don’t know will have relevance in HS^2, and we’re indeed gonna possibly get some actual new, clearer details about the system Andrew invented unlike the dearth of new info the Epilogues brought us.  That is... promising.

no, jade understands and sympathizes with my assurance that her body, and her body alone, will do for my purposes.

JADE: um...no i dont!

YES.  Jade is now officially immune to absolute command! :D :D :D

she does. after all, she would not wish this sort of state of being on anyone else, and especially not on one of her friends. jade may have undergone a lopsided number of narrative hardships in her life, but at least she is used to them. why spread that suffering to another?

What the fucking shit???  You’re using that on her?  You think it’ll WORK?!

jade understands and accepts her place in the story, which has always been to enable events to play out around her, just as it has been mine.

..........yeah Jade’s gonna bust the fuck out on the very next page, isn’t she.

What the fuck is Alt!Callie thinking, here?  Wasn’t the other Calliope the one to let us know that the Witch is one of the most active classes there is??  ...what exactly does a Witch officially do anyway, for Alt!Callie to think saying such a thing wasn’t dead wrong?  This sounds MUCH more like the sort of statement someone might make after breezing through Homestuck and confusing the old Jade (cough) for the person she grew up into.

And the fact that you’re phrasing this as a narrative command to try and make her forcibly THINK this way deserves you a smack in the non-literal depictive face.  Let’s see if you get one:

> ==>

Oh wow, no smack yet?!  That’s some restraint!

because what is a story, truly? nothing but a series of misadventures and connections, actions spurring reactions, tumbling into one another, over and over and over. with so many competing interests, clearly the story cannot account for all perspectives, for all threads? it would be laughable, childish, even selfish, to demand that they do.

in other words, not everyone will achieve a happy ending. this is a truth that jade had come to grips with a long time ago.

JADE: wait. JADE: stop. JADE: why are you saying all of this?

Ohh.  Because she still had even MORE smackworthy stuff left to say, to make the smack even SMACKIER, didn’t she.  Alt!Callie you asshole.  If this gets you kicked out of her almost entirely and jeopardizes the crew as Jade struggles to combat Dirk’s narrative influence on her OWN, then I’m fucking blaming YOU!  Do you realize how horrible it’ll be if Dirk gets to almost singlehandedly write the whole story around her and the others for the first section of HS^2 with only one or two characters aware and trying to mentally avert it??  We already TRIED that in the Epilogues!  It was awful!

jade’s body is my vessel, and it is through this realization that she will understand her true role in the story. her true relevance.

Go fuck yourself, Alt!Callie.  Read the audience a bit!

if i released my hold on her consciousness, there would be no guarantee that i would be allowed in again. therefore i cannot permit her the control of herself that she so desperately craves, and she understands that.

THAT’S your reasoning your used-to-surpressing-Caliborn ignorant--!??

JADE: wait. so...you could give me my body back, and then just hop back in when you need to?

in theory, yes.

JADE: then what the hell callie!

because i don’t trust you to cooperate when the time comes.

MotherfuckerTheMusical.mp4

(or real existing equivalent that’s just off the top of my head)

JADE: why not? JADE: i thought you said i was a reasonable girl with a huge brain!

you are, to an extent.

she is. but the truth of the matter remains that humans are capricious and emotional. and even jade herself can admit that she hasn’t been the most...committed example of her species in the last few years.

Oh my fucking god.  I know they’re trying to make this more satisfying when she actually DOES take control in a few panels, but, Alt!Callie, seriously, get more on your other self’s level!!!

> ==>

Yes, please >:O some more

moving from lover to lover, job to job, interest to interest. over the last few years jade had found herself listless, unable to settle and unwilling to commit to anything or anyone. she knows there’s nothing wrong with that on a moral level, but on a personal level she’s always believed that she could be more, could do better. be better. and now, because of this, she realizes that sacrifices must be made.

and that she, as a space player, is uniquely built for sacrifice.

JADE: yeah JADE: i guess youre right JADE: i have been such a silly little slut! JADE: hey callie

yes, jade?

JADE: oh my god, whats that!!!!

You are so fucking screwed Alt!Callie.

this space is utterly under my control. jade could control it too, if she had any access to her own powers. but with my grip around her cortex, there is no chance of that.

(Wait, there’s an extent to which this space is “real” and not imaginary?  Or does holding her space powers in check also mean keeping her imaginary space powers in check?)

Anyway, here comes the smack.  And, though Alt!Callie deserves this, I hope Dirk isn’t let in too often amidst the others as a result.

> ==>

Yup, poising to pounce...

> ==>

I thought there was a weird infinity symbol underneath them but it’s just two spotlights and a shadow cast by her head.

and here i make my first mistake.

No you made your first mistakes WAAAY earlier in this conversation.  And what you did to Jade in general.  She’s a hero/player for a reason, she doesn’t take stuff lying down forever.

but bringing her into a place where we can both physically manifest has left me, foolishly, vulnerable.

First, physically manifest?  This isn’t pure imaginationspace?  And second, she’s going to blame her polite concession to Jade for this and hold on even tighter the next time, isn’t she.  God damnit, not looking forward to that.  Alt!Callie won’t learn her lesson til the end, will she?  :(

her fingers tear at my throat, trying to find purchase. she won’t be able to kill me here, but it is certainly unpleasant, and not to mention slightly repetitive. we just saw this in the previous chapter, although this particular fight will not end as amorously as the last one did. so don’t get your hopes up.

JADE: who! JADE: are you talking to!

I really hope Jade ends up with full narrative powerOOOOOHHHH FUCK THEY COULD GO FOR THAT HUH

Dirk was able to become an Ultimate Self in his own body because it was the uniting of an irrepressible “self” that he always unbreakably represented.  The others had more trouble.

But Jade

has a BIG PART-GOD BRAIN as reinforced in the narrative repeatedly!!

Meaning that later, SHE could Ultimate Self without ANY PHYSICAL CONSEQUENCE.  :D

I was hoping Jade would end up with full narrative-dictating-and-reading power when she wants to use it, at some point, but I might’ve been aiming too low! :D :D :D

Yaaaaaaaaaaaay

Now all the playfully-horny omnipotent Jade fanfics are true, what that totally isn’t part of why I love this go ahead and admit she doesn’t deserve it

> ==>

Yesss flashy gif struggle against control!  (Though, not as elegant as one of Andrew’s might’ve been. Gotta say.)

> ==>

Blinky-eyes about to resolve normal-Jade-colored....!

> ==>

Wait, what?  I thought Jade was about to snap in and--

during the ship’s trip through space, there have been numerous experiments; modifications to the nutrition output of the various machines designed to create sustenance for the various species on board. i myself have been content with orange juice and synthetic proteins, but dave and roxy have both expressed longing for various ‘earth snacks’, and so the trials and errors began.

What the fuck?  I don’t even know where this is going if it’s punways.

Is there like a dog treat somewhere that’s gonna push her over the edge?  Where is this headed even.

> ==>

Wh...

WHa??????

the results were mixed. as roxy told us in a previous chapter, alchemized food all sort of tastes the same, although the visuals really help to bring about the flavor. and at the end of the day, isn’t it the journey that is more important than the destination? the stories you tell as you create the strangely flavored nutritional paste?

JADE: ????????????

Um??  What’s even going on.

so far, everyone’s favorite attempt has been a vaguely peanut-butter and chocolate flavored creation called "Rices'". nobody eats them really. they just sit in a bowl on the counter.

i’m not actually sure what the witch is trying to accomplish here.

Is Jade trying to humorously gross Alt!Callie out of her body with a candy she doesn’t like or?  But, “suicide threat”? Why joke--

JADE: you dont? JADE: really?

i don’t know what she is trying to accomplish, because surely she would not be doing what it appears she is trying to do. making such a meaningless threat.

JADE: meaningless? JADE: do you even know anything about the body you stole? JADE: shouldnt you have run some sort of psychic physical before you possessed it? JADE: its definitely what i would have done!

Oh SHIT.  You mean Jade has the same peanut allergy JOHN does?!?

> ==>

jade must know that i am well-aware of her family-wide peanut allergy. a story thread that has been extremely important and weighed in on in multiple parts of the narrative. how could i have forgotten such a key detail?

...yes, she totally forgot, but more than that.

I’m betting John is the ONLY one with a peanut allergy.  That Jade is USING that fact to bluff like hell.  :D

(Allergies aren’t usually inherited that way you alien!)

there is nothing remotely just or heroic about dying from self-imposed anaphylactic shock in the throes of a childish tantrum. at the most i’ll get a relaxing few minutes of sleep.

Is Alt!Callie bluffing now?  Even a resurrecting death could throw her off.

> ==>

FUCK YES JADE.

JADE: do you really want to risk it?

what are you talking about, jade? i just said--

FUCK YES JADE, BE A HUGE WITCH

(i say in the most witch-connotatively and non-classpect-related way)

JADE: i dont know, callie JADE: ive never really understood the rules that govern the death of a god tier, have you? JADE: it seems pretty arbitrary from where im standing JADE: who makes the decision whether or not something is heroic or just?

...that’s unclear. but it certainly isn’t you.

JADE: right, of course not JADE: but are you so confident that youre a good guy? JADE: are you sure that the alpha timeline WANTS you to be here?

...what.

JADE: youve done some stuff, callie JADE: im only saying you shouldnt be so quick to assume that me killing you wouldnt be just JADE: and that taking my own life to do it wouldnt be heroic

Even with JUST this one fucking situation Alt!Callie put her in, throwing off her control forever by dying would be shortsighted but HELLA JUST.  What Alt!Callie is doing to her is a crime.

Oh shit!?!?

> [S] ==>

What is this, HTML5?  *clicks play*

...for a second, I thought this was gonna launch into a huge thing with that clock ticking song from the Felt album.

Having Rose and Dirk’s colors competing here really reinforces that... Prospit vs Derse vibe that was feeding the whole this-is-the-basis-for-the-game’s-structure-and-the-birth-of-Paradox-Space theory more earlier.

> ==>

i don’t let the witch manipulate me. i refuse to falter in the face of her whispers. without my careful planning and swift action, the prince would have taken full control over this timeline. none of my friends could even begin to imagine the turmoil.

In the end, you’re ignoring what’s right and brave in this instance to instead do something EXPEDIENT, to the exclusion of trust and compassion when things COULD work out just as well without taking the worst actions -- which is textbook villainous.

> ==>

JADE: they arent your friends!! JADE: you took them from me!

Now isn’t THAT a way to put it. :D :D :D

Alt!Callie is sinning almost as badly as Dirk, here.  Viewing everyone else as characters in a story, the only way she’s ever viewed “friends”, and her as the not-so-humble narrator doing what’s best for all of them.  If she’s going to win against Dirk -- or if that victory is going to MEAN anything -- she will HAVE to realize that she needs to be different.

JADE: you keep saying that youre doing all of this for my own good, but youre just lonely! JADE: i know you are, because so am i!

Ouch.

Will Alt!Callie force her to swallow it?

JADE: you said that being a space player is all about sacrifice JADE: well

> ==>

JADE: bet

...I guess she really might have an allergy.

> ==>

Aaaand the candy drops.  A W A K E ! ! ! !

Yaaaaay Jade is BACK and we’ll get to see even more of her!!!

...please tell me on the next page she grabs the candy, noms it, and mentions she doesn’t have a peanut allergy after all.  That would be sweet.

> ==>

...

Nope, you just leave us on a sad.  Dammit, why do you gotta be all adult and showin’ us both sides in a moment of triumph, HS^2.  Shucks.

Anyway, YAY JADE!  C:

I am happy by this, if slightly too emotionally-rollercoastered by the past 24-hours to give this the full-rejoicing it deserves.  That, and worried about the openings Dirk will get because of this... joy now for potential frustration later, even if Jade tries her best to let Alt!Callie back in in-time.

See y’all next time!  And, uhm.  I guess I’ll comment on whatever other asks I promised to comment on another less-eventful day.  Keep reminding me and holding me to it though!

[haveanotherfandomblog]

Avenger’s Preferences

How You Meet Pt. 2

A/N: Someone in my family works in the V.A. so yes, I know what I’m talking about.

Peter-

Switching schools was never something you liked. Always being the new kid and having to recreate a whole new life was always so hard and frustrating. You tried to be a lone wolf, but your bubbly and friendly personality just wouldn’t let you. So when you inevitably moved, it was always full of tears.

This time was no different. Your family had relocated to New York City for your father’s business. You were in a new school surrounded by people you didn’t know. While their faces all blurred together, you stuck out like a sore thumb. You knew everyone was staring at you as you made your way to your new locker. Once you found it, you found that it did not want to cooperate and open.

“Son of a bitch,” you mumbled, shaking the lock. You rested your head against the cool metal.

“Need some help with that?” A tall girl with dark skin, black, frizzy hair, and glasses stood a little down the way. She was leaning against another locker, her arms crossed over her chest. You stood up straight, pulling your mouth into a thin line.

“That’d be great, thanks,” you said. She pushed herself off the locker. She came over to your locker, jiggling the lock before hitting it with her elbow. It swung open with complete ease.

“These things suck,” she told you. You chuckled, shaking your head.

“Thank you.”

“No problem. I haven’t seen you around here before.”

“Uh, no. I’m new. My name’s Y/N. Y/N L/N.” You stuck your hand out, a smile on your face. She took your hand hesitantly.

“Hey, I’m--”

“MJ!” Behind you, two boys were waving at the girl, MJ. One was on the heavier side with tan skin and dark hair. The other one was a slim, fit guy with pale skin and light brown hair.

“MJ! We’ve been looking for you,” the first guy said.

“Guys. This is Y/N. She’s new,” MJ said. “Y/N, this is Ned and Peter--a couple of losers.” You giggled, holding out your hand.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you guys,” you said. Ned shook your hand with a big smile. Peter gave your hand a shake, a tight-lipped smile on his face. “As wonderful as it’s been meeting you all, I should head to class. See you guys!” You skipped off down the hall, searching for your first class.

Sam-

When you had returned from Iraq, you were so happy to be home. Your family had thrown a small get-together to celebrate your safe return. Everyone was so proud of you for serving your country. Your parents had offered to let you stay with them until you found yourself a job and an apartment. With a good record, and an honorable discharge, it shouldn’t be hard.

It was two months before you landed a job as a receptionist at the V. A. Center in D.C. It wasn’t a glamorous job, but you made decent money. However, living in D.C. was expensive. Finding a place seemed almost impossible, even with a job. Luckily your parents were extremely understanding.

After about three months at the V. A., you had your job down pretty well. Most of the time you were answering calls from local and nationwide veterans. Most were nice, inquiring about certain medical options and wanting help through the transition back into normal society. Some veterans weren’t as friendly and called to complain about how the government treated them or simply to yell.

You had finished another call and were logging it when someone cleared their throat. You tapped on the board that was in front of you. You listened as the pen scratched across the paper for the visitor. Once you finished your log you glanced up.

A handsome stranger stood in front of your desk, a half-smile on his face. You smiled back, heat rising up your neck.

“Welcome to the V. A. Center, how can I help you?” you asked, fidgeting with your hands.

“I’m Sam Wilson. I have an interview in about twenty-minutes,” he told you. You nodded, sliding down a bit to the other phone. You picked it up, dialing the three numbers to your boss’ office.

“Sir, there’s a Sam Wilson here to see you,” you informed him. “Yes sir.” You slid back down to Mr. Wilson. “He’ll be here shortly, he’s finishing up a meeting.”

Mr. Wilson nodded, sitting down in one of the chairs. You tried your best to not stare, but not staring was never your strong suit. Mr. Wilson was tall, dark, and handsome, how could you not stare? He was sitting back in the chair, his ankle resting on his knee. His arm was thrown over the back of the chair as he stared down the hall.

“Can I ask you something Mr. Wilson?” you inquired, pretending to type on the computer as if you hadn’t spent the last five minutes staring at him.

“Please, Sam is fine,” he said.

“Okay, Sam, can I ask you something?” He nodded. “What branch did you serve?”

“Army,” he replied. You nodded, a smirk tugging at the corner of your mouth.

“So when they do a men of the Army calendar, is it just twelve months of you?” He paused for a moment before laughing. “What? Don’t like it?” You shot him a wink, a smirk on your face.

“I like it quite a lot, actually… what’s your name?”

“Y/N. Y/N L/N.”

Bucky-

It took years and years of studying and hard work, but becoming the leading psychiatrist in dealing and helping soldiers with Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome (PTSS), formerly PTSD. You never experienced it personally, but you had neighbors and friends who suffered from it growing up. You wanted to do something helpful in the world, something good, so you dedicated your life to finding ways to work through what others had experienced. Your reputation began to precede you, and that was how you were flown across the world to help one of the worst cases you’d ever seen.

The patient was a Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes. He served in World War I where he was presumed KIA, Killed In Action. That was until about four years ago when he resurfaced as an assassin for an organization that was almost gone. The more you read, the wilder his story seemed to get. Reading his file, which was quite extensive, covered almost the entire flight to Wakanda.

King T’Challa stood ready to greet you when your plane landed. You bowed your head respectively, taking in the empty fields that surrounded you. He shook your hand firmly, offering you a warm smile.

“Welcome to Wakanda Dr. L/N,” he greeted.

“Thank you for having me, Your Majesty,” you said. “You have beautiful, open lands.”

“You’re much too kind. If you would follow me this way.” He held his hand out and began guiding you across one of the fields. Birds chirped above you as you made your trek over the verdant hills.

Just over the last hill was a single hut. Goats roamed around freely, munching on grass and bleating. King T’Challa gestured to the hut, staring at it solemnly.

“White Wolf lives there. He lives happily in solitude, but human interaction is important. The world says you are the best in your field. Please, help him,” the King said. You nodded your head.

“Nothing is guaranteed,” you reminded him. “My methods aren’t a one-hundred percent success, but I will do my best.”

“That is all we ask.”

You nodded one more time before resuming your walk to the small hut, this time alone. The goats were curious about you, pausing their lunch to stare at you. One particularly small one ran to you, nudging its head against your leg.

“Steve, be nice.”

A new voice caught your attention. His hair was longer and his beard was fuller, but you recognized the man as Sergeant Barnes. He stood in the doorway of the hut, staring down at the tiny goat that was now nibbling at the bottom of your pants. He wore white, traditional, Wakanda clothing. A white bandage covered the stub where his arm once was. He would have seemed peaceful were it not for the dark, solemn gaze in his eyes.

“Sergeant Barnes?” you called, bending down to pick up the goat. He looked up at you. “Sergeant Barnes my name is Dr. Y/N L/N. King T’Challa asked me to help you transition back into civilian society.” He nodded his head slowly. The goat, Steve, nestled into your chest, nibbling your shirt. “I was hoping we could talk.”

“Of course,” he said, moving aside so you could enter his hut. Setting the goat down, you stepped inside the small hut. It was bare for the most part, only the necessities were present. You took a seat on a nearby chair, watching him carefully. He took a seat across from you, awkwardly shifting in his seat.

“Sergeant Barnes, I would like to preface this by saying I am here to help you, and if what we do isn’t helping, it’s okay to say that,” you said.

“Bucky.”

“I’m sorry?”

“My name… it’s Bucky.” You smiled.

“It’s nice to meet you Bucky. I’m Y/N.”

Loki-

Rehabilitation, patience, and forgiveness were some of your core beliefs. You also believed that good was in everyone, no matter what bad deeds they did, no matter how lost they seemed, with the right guidance and a voice of encouragement, you truly believed that anyone could redeem themselves. Because of this firm belief, you started a rehabilitation center in your kingdom which grew into the biggest and most successful rehabilitation center in the world.

Being the princess of a small country was hard, but this success gave your country exactly what it needed--money. Which sounded worse than it actually was. The world runs on money and your people weren’t exactly millionaires, but being paid to rehabilitate both petty and hardened criminals was surprisingly a great way to make money.

So much so that King T’Challa of Wakanda, an old childhood friend of yours, asked a favor from an American aquanitice of his. Tony Stark, owner of Stark Industries and Avenger, had been asked by his fellow Avenger, Thor to seek a place for his trickster brother. You had heard all about New York in the news, but you never expected that to have an affect on your country. You weren’t so sure until Thor offered to pay in pure gold. That, you simply couldn’t refuse.

You stood on the runway, watching as the plane carrying your latest case began to touch down. The wind whipped your hair around your face, but your sunglasses protected your eyes. The wind settled once the plane came to a stop. The door opened and the first to exit was King T’Challa.

“Your Majesty,” you called. He smiled at you as he descended the stairs.

“Your Highness,” he greeted. He jogged over to you, skipping all formalities to give you a heartfelt hug. “It has been too long, old friend.”

“Much too long,” you agreed. A posse of people had followed him. Guards from Wakanda, Tony Stark, Thor, and his brother, Loki.

“Princess Y/N, this is my American acquaintance, Tony Stark.”

“Yes, Stark Industries precedes you.” He bowed to you respectfully.

“Your Highness, this is Thor and his troublesome brother Loki,” Stark said, gesturing to the two giant men beside him. Loki was bound in unique chains and had his face covered so you could only see his eyes.

“Welcome, gentlemen. We are happy to welcome you to our small corner of the world. If you all would follow me,” you said. You looped your arm through T’Challa’s, leading them to the facilities where Loki would be kept. “While your brother is a rather unique guest, we will be treating him like we treat everyone else here. Because of his abilities, he will be placed in a special room designed specifically for him.”

“How do you know it will hold Reindeer Games over here?” Stark asked, sending a pointed look to Loki. You smiled.

“I had a top engineer design it using advanced technologies that could put your entire company to shame,” you said. A smirk pulled at T’Challa’s mouth at the mention of his sister.

“You are very kind for doing this Princess Y/N,” Thor said. “I know with the right guidance, my brother will come back to who he used to be. Loki rolled his eyes at that, opting to look out the window. From the corner of your eye, you could see him staging at your reflection through the glass.

“It’s my pleasure.”

[dyinglaugh]

The place I work at is an international company that looks super great on paper and shows the best face to customers and the outside world. In fact, they suck ass. Like a lot. They want to have robots do thier work and such for them but instead have humans that they work like slaves. No, really. I am not exaggerating. If you are unable to complete a shift, you get points/time taken and when you're in the negative you're fired. Sounds reasonable but when you have medical problems or family emergencies you're still penalized and not excused (you have to use time you have to cover any missed shift time). I have medical issues that can be accommodated but the process is such with this company that it makes you just throw your hands up and quit, so I havent tried (the process is convoluted and arduous on purpose to make workers not want to do this). I have stories from friends who also work here that will make youre blood boil.

1: My coworker has a daughter that is now 7-8years old. When she was 4, she had gotten very sick and needed to go to the hospital and stay for a while to get better. My coworker, upon getting that call at work went to management and requested to leave early as this was at the time an emergency. He didn't have time left (idk why) but wanted to be with his 4 year old child to make sure she was OK. When management noticed he had no time available all they said was "you can go but you may be fired for leaving early with not enough time" (paraphrased). He couldn't leave his job there as getting fired meant no money to buy food, pay the hospital, pay bills, etc. So he was then forced to continue working while his child was sick. (She's ok now though.)

2: Another coworker had gotten a frantic call from her daughter that the family dog (that was in my coworkers life before her daughter was even born) had been hit by a car, dragged by the car, and is now fighting for its life to see its owner before it died, needed her home to say goodbye. My coworker, crying/sobbing that her best friend for many years was going to suffer in wait, went to a manager and explained the situation. Upon seeing that my coworker had no time left to leave early, the manager then made her follow him around to talk to other managers to "see what they can do". The dog died in the street, without her human (my coworker) because the managers decided to dawdle and make her walk with them knowing full well what they were doing. At some point my coworker called her daughter to find out that the dog died while she being dragged around the warehouse with a manager who was "looking for a way to help" when in reality all that was accomplished was a waste of time and a life lost.

3: In order to enter the warehouse, you have to go through security and the turnstiles and then get your temp checked by a thermal camera. The second you open the doors to get to the turnstiles, there are 6-7feet tall industrial style fans to cool your skin temp before being checked. So if you have a fever and enter the building, your temp is reduced by these fans enough so that you can continue to work and make the company profit. They said that its to cool the building down but there are literally hundreds of fans everywhere to do that. So why do these ones need to be placed specifically by the doors?

4: We are encouraged to tattle on coworkers when we see a "violation". Such things include sitting anywhere besides the breakdown or lunchroom. We stand for 10.5 hours. The entire fucking shift. And get in trouble for being in pain caused by this. Also, if we need a bathroom break, we have 6 minutes to do that. This includes getting to a bathroom (2mins), doing your business, and then getting back to where you were. Many people have been written up, including myself (lactose intolerant=bad night) for being "off task " for more than 30mins that shift simply by going to the bathroom a few times. Drink less? The warehouse is typically between 75-90 degreesF (winter versus summer) and quite a few people EVERY WEEK pass out due to heat stress or dehydration, so less water isn't an option.

I dont have those types of problems at the moment where a life will be lost or is in trouble and i hope it never happens. I had heard these stories from my coworkers and I suspect that managers get reprimanded for trying to be lax about the more ridiculous rules. I myself am going through the problem of not being able to apply for medical leave. I'm in the negatives with time as I type this because every single person I've been emailing to fix my system issues in the portal to open a case, has blown me off. I dont know why this company treats the workers so shitty, except they are worldwide and literally every single person uses thier services. I won't say the name since id like to not be fired but I will give the hint that its an online store with the same name as a big tropical jungle. I've talked to managers there that i can tell hate the policies that work against the workers (alot of the policies do) and the good managers are frustrated too.

The system designed by the company is basically like this: low-level worker is promoted slightly and given 50%-100% more work than before with promise of a better pay and such and all they have to do is enforce the policies and step on people to do exactly that. They themselves are still being trampled by the higher ups while being promised that they will get bigger boots to stomp on low-level workers the better they work.

I despise this company so much that I tell every single person the horrors the company will do and will cover up in order to deter them from using thier services. I understand that prices found through this company are better than almost every other company so its just cost effective with people. I dont condemn people for using that company at all actually. Just those who, despite knowing the hardships and harsh treatments of the workers, laugh and still use it saying, " if its so bad why not leave?"

I'll tell you why. Because the company pays ok enough and offers ok enough benefits that we the workers feel trapped. If we leave, who will hire people that have very few skills since they spent years in a warehouse? If we leave, how will we find a better or equal paying job ($15-16/hr starting)? I have hunted and searched for such a job because of my frustration and found absolutely nothing. This company traps workers in a way that makes it so impossible to leave that many fall victim to depression or other mental/physical illness.

Speaking of, I have heard in the half year of working there of at least 3 people almost killing themselves- thats right SUICIDE- due to the stress. In response, the company sends out information and messages and notifications about Suicide Awareness and Prevention. AS IF THEY DONT KNOW THAT THEYRE THE CAUSE. I personally have thought, " if I kill myself, the company can leave me alone. I wont have to work here anymore and suffer almost every night through inconceivable pain without hope of going home". See, I have chronic migraines that put me out of commission for 20 out of 30days a month. Not only have I worked while sobbing and not being able to see or breathe (one of many symptoms I have) I've been forced to continue working until my illness has progressed until I can no longer function. I can't move or see or breathe or hear or anything at that point. I can only focus on one thing and its typically forcing myself to CONTINUE WORKING because the company doesn't care enough to let me leave early. I end up having panic attacks in the bathroom and vomiting due to the pain. This company, as far as I've heard through people I've talked to everywhere, hasn't officially killed people. Unofficially, i had talked to someone that had almost overdosed in order to be free of the company.

Now, I dont include names simply because I'm not a rat or snitch or whistle blower or etc. and because I dont want them to get in trouble for speaking out. I am posting this here because hopefully, its anonymous enough that I dont get in trouble either. I just hope that before anyone chooses to use this company (that has the same name as a jungle), they remember this post. I hope that this is spread everywhere so that everyone knows the horrors the workers have to deal with. I hope so much that someone reads this and chooses to spend that extra dollar on a different website to not add to this billionaires' pockets. Please, repost. Spread this around and add stories of your own because you're not alone. I promise.

[emma-nation]

Bloodline - KamilahxMC Fanfiction (Chapter 2)

Summary: A Feral attack, a mysterious serum and a big mistake… what consequences will it bring to Kamilah’s life and her relationship with Amy?

Rating: T 

Notes: Since I got an impressive feedback on this fic, I decided to make it a little bit longer. I hope you enjoy it :)

KamilahxMC Tag List: @iam-the-fuckin-queen, @annabellewerecorgi, @voltos9, @scorpistraub, @leavemeandmyshipsalone, @jen825, @andreear17, @spacecarrousel, @justejuste727, @aureliaxj, @graceschoices, @sleeping-with-her06, @supersphynxsworld, @gavryllo, @galaxyside-0, @msuhailey, @zoe6111, @ptxgirwaffles, @tigerbryn11, @shanuuh, @ilovetaylor13m, @honorablebicycle, @ilovekamilahsayeed, @begging-for-kamilah, @kennaxval, @fal-carrington

The Conversation - Present Days, 10 PM

“It’s impossible. In every possible manner.”

The words Kamilah told Adrian continued to occupy her thoughts for the rest of the day. She didn’t say much or expressed any reaction at his office, instead she went to Ahmanet Financial, where she had a busy day of work.

When she was finally alone again, she grabbed all the tests results, that were safely locked inside a drawer, and read each one them carefully one more time.

Positive for pregnancy. At 2064 years of life she was expecting a child. A child conceived in the most impossible circumstances. The result of Adrian’s lack of attention and caution.

“Ms. Sayeed,” Erin showed up at her office by the end of her shift, “do you need anything?”

“No, Erin. Thank you, you can just go home now.”

On her cell phone, dozen of missed calls from Adrian. Kamilah didn’t want to speak to him yet. Not before settling down her thoughts. He insisted by sending her a text, where he told he would like to talk to her and conduct more exams.

In any stressful situation, she’d open a bottle of wine, or another alcoholic drink and go to her rooftop to relax. However, even convinced she couldn’t actually be carrying a child, drinking just didn’t feel right.

At her rooftop, Kamilah opened the small fridge, grabbing one of the multiple blood bags she had stocked. Being so insatiable as she was, it wasn’t safe to feed directly from mortals.

She had just started drinking, when someone came out from her personal elevator. Amy.

“Hey, I dropped by for a visit,” she told. “I heard you’re not doing well and that you’ve been at Adrian’s lab for tests.”

“Gossip,” Kamilah rolled her eyes. Of course Adrian employees had to spread the word around. She wondered what else they knew. If they knew everything.

“Agreed, but…” Amy sat down by her side, placing a hand on top of hers. “You don’t look well. Is there anything going on, Kamilah?”

She sighed. How would Amy react to that conversation? After all, she was the second parent to this baby. She definitely wasn’t ready. Amy was just a girl who could barely take care of herself. Who was she supposed to look after a child?

“There is. And it’s crazy, absurd and completely impossible.”

“I’m listening. But you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

“I have to,” Kamilah firmly said, looking into her eyes. “Amy, I’m pregnant.”

There was an uncomfortable and awkward moment of silence until Amy let out a small laugh.

“You’re kidding… right? I mean, this is a prank Lily convinced you to play on me.”

“Do I look like I’m kidding?”

“Oh.”

“It’s resulted from Adrian’s mistake,” Kamilah explained. “The anti-Feral serum combined with his research project caused a mutation in my body.”

“Who’s the father?” Amy asked, a little bit scared. “Is it Adrian’s? Oh my god, he didn’t use any of Gaius blood in this research, did he?”

The last question made Kamilah stomach twist again. Those words made her feel more sick than she had been for the last two days.

“No, Adrian combined my blood with yours in his research project. It means half of this child’s DNA is yours.”

Amy looked at her in disbelief again.

“Kamilah, be honest with me. How much alcohol have you had recently?”

“Amy,” Kamilah scowled, “considering my current situation, I suppose alcohol isn’t something that should go down my throat.”

She handed Amy the tests results. The girl’s eyes went wide in surprise.

“Oh my god,” Amy silenced for a moment, before burying her face in her hands, “oh my god… oh my god…”

“I understand how you’re feeling,” Kamilah cautiously placed her hand on Amy’s back. “I feel the same. I never wanted to be a mother. Not as a mortal and even more as vampire. I can’t possibly raise a child. I have no time to raise a child.”

Tears started falling down from Amy’s eyes. This time Kamilah couldn’t tell how she was feeling. If she was excited, miserable or only disturbed by the news.

“Jesus,“ she shook her head in denial. "I’m going to be a dad. How do I even explain this to my family?”

“Don’t say that again. It sounds creepy.”

Between sobs, Amy let out a small laugh. Kamilah couldn’t help smiling too.

“This is so crazy and ridiculous… how’s that even possible?”

“I’ve been questioning the same,” Kamilah relaxed on her seat. “Listen, Amy. I thought you deserved to know the truth, but in case you don’t wish to have any involvement in the situation, I understand.”

Amy sighed long and deeply before giving her an answer.

“Kamilah, I never expected to be a mother so soon in my life, but since it has happened, I’m glad it got to be with you.”

“With me?!” Kamilah asked.

“Yes,” Amy leaned her head on the female vampire’s shoulder. “Someone so amazing and special. Someone… someone I love.”

“I love you too, even if I don’t say that often.”

“I know.”

Amy softly pressed a kiss on her lips. When she finished her hand was laying on Kamilah’s stomach.

“I don’t even know yet if there’s actually a child in there,” Kamilah told. “Adrian needs more testing.”

“Remember when we promised we’d be facing anything together?” Amy embraced her tightly. “We’ll do this. No matter how it ends.”

———-

The Confirmation - Present Days, 7 PM

Kamilah took the day off and spent it in Amy’s company at her penthouse. After agreeing she should meet Adrian again, they didn’t comment on the pregnancy subject again. They avoided anything regarding it. The entire day, they watched movies, cuddled and Kamilah even agreed to play one of Amy’s favorite games. Anything to keep her mind distracted.

For her own relief, she didn’t feel any sickness, though her hunger was still out of control. Maybe there was a chance the tests were wrong and her body was going back to normal.

At night, they both met Adrian in his laboratory, where he waited with an advanced technology equipment to conduct a screening test on Kamilah. She laid on her back, while he scanned her abdomen. Amy watched everything apprehensively.

Adrian’s employees helped with the procedure, often glancing at each other and pointing to the screen. Noticing how uncomfortable Kamilah felt, Amy squeezed her hand.

A strange sound started echoing all over the room from the machines. It was quick and strong, but somehow peaceful and relieving. Kamilah could listen to that for hours. It was literally the only thing that made her feel make relaxed after the discovery.

“What is that?” She asked, curious.

“Your baby’s heartbeats,” Adrian explained.

"Such a beautiful sound,” Amy said, starting to get a little bit emotional.

Kamilah started thinking of her parents and Lysimachus. Maybe life was giving her a second chance of having a family and to redeem herself from all the suffering she caused in the past. Yet, it didn’t make her feel any better. There was her Ahmanet Financial, that required a lot of her time. She spent more time in her office than at her penthouse, often having to travel around the world.

And there was Amy. They hadn’t been together for so long. Forcing her to such a responsibility, so early in her life, didn’t seem fair.

———-

The Discussion - Present Days, 8:30 PM

After the exam was over, Adrian called them both to his office.

“Indeed,” Adrian told. “There’s a fetus growing inside your womb and… he shows a normal development for this stage. All human features, such as forming organs, skin and bones.”

“He?” Amy asked in surprise.

“It has been detected the presence of an Y chromosome. It’s a male fetus.”

Kamilah couldn’t say a single word. She was having a son. A boy. Her brother quickly returned to her thoughts. Lysimachus would have loved to be an uncle.

“Kamilah?” Adrian’s expression was dark and serious. “I tried to reproduce this very same mutation in the laboratory, but I obtained no reaction. There must be a third factor involved, that made the mutation result in a pregnancy.”

“I honestly have no idea of what you’re talking about,” Kamilah said. “I’ve been trying to understand it myself.”

“Was Amy the only person you had sexual intercourse with?”

“Of course.”

Kamilah wasn’t sure if her raging hormones were speaking louder, but the manner Adrian started to ask questions annoyed her a little bit.

“And how did that happened?” He proceeded with the interrogation. “Was there anything different about it?”

“It’s getting a little too personal, don’t you think?” Kamilah complained. After being exposed to his employees to gossip, the last thing she needed was to expose her intimacy.

“That’s okay,” Amy interrupted. “After you switched the samples, we… we did it. A lot of times actually. The night Kamilah was injected that sample, it was pretty wild. And the next few days too. We were really… in the mood, if you know what I mean.”

“Amy, this is enough.”

“I see,” Adrian stopped asking questions and grabbed a few papers in his desk. He also handed her a pen. “I need you to sign this, Kamilah. Before we perform the procedure.”

“What is that?” Amy wanted to know.

Kamilah read it fast, but cautiously. It was some sort of responsibility term, where she agreed to go under a procedure to remove the fetus and allow Adrian’s company to study him later.

“It’s the safest for all of us,” he told Amy. “This child was generated from blood of the Tree Of Eternal Life. Nothing good can come from that tree. He’d be like a Third Son.”

“Are you suggesting we should kill him?”

“Amy, a Vampire pregnancy never happened in history. We don’t even know if he’s going to develop properly. I mean, Vampires don’t age. Is he going to be a baby forever or he’ll stop aging in adulthood, when his body is fully mature?”

“I don’t care,” Amy raised her voice. “If he has been developing until now, why won’t he, after he’s born?”

“This will be a threat for all the humanity, Amy,” Adrian raised his voice even louder. “He’ll be just like Rheya, Gaius or Xenocrates.”

“Didn’t you just said there was a third factor involved in the conception? It was the love between Kamilah and I. He was conceived through love!”

“You’re being delusional. Neither Gaius or Xenocrates ever knew what love was! They had a twisted vision of it.”

“And apparently neither do you, Adrian! K-Kamilah, you… you can’t possibly be considering signing it. I won’t sign it! I won’t let you do this!”

The argument started to get even more loud and heated. Amy’s cry and Adrian shouts started to enter deeply into Kamilah’s ultrasensitive ears. Her annoyance became anger and she exploded.

“Stop! Stop before I lose my mind,” She yelled at Adrian. “Can’t you see it, Adrian? Everytime you develop a hyperfixation, people get hurt. And there’s never turning back.”

“Kamilah, you are out of your mind,” Adrian argued. “The Kamilah I know would never risk causing harm to the humanity because of a stupid mistake.”

“A stupid mistake? Tell me, Adrian. Are you asking me to take my son’s life? Deny him the chance of living, like somebody did to Charles?”

Her words had found a mark. She touched in the most sensible subject in Adrian’s life. He stared at her in silence, his expression getting even darker.

“Charles wasn’t a monster. He didn’t deserve to die.”

Kamilah’s eyes flared red and she snapped out of her control, advancing in Adrian’s direction. She pinned him against the wall, ready to sink her hand inside his chest.

“Kamilah, please,” Amy held her arm, crying non-stop. “D-Don’t do this. I’m begging you. You’ll never forgive yourself…”

She was right. Kamilah took a deep breath and recomposed herself, letting Adrian go.

“Let’s go home, Amy,” she grabbed her purse and headed to the door. “This is a decision we’ll make together.”

She was already at the corridor, but she could hear Adrian’s final words.

“He’s already controlling you.”

———-

The Decision - Present Days, 11 PM

On their way home, neither Kamilah or Amy said anything to each other. They were both on the extreme of their nerves. After a relaxing bath, Kamilah ordered them a meal, but they barely touched the food.

She laid in bed, willing to get some sleep, but it seemed impossible. Both sides of the argument weighted inside her mind. Amy could be right, without their love, this child would never exist. But Adrian could also have a point. Nothing good ever came from the Tree Of Eternal Life.

Amy joined her in bed, resting her head on Kamilah’s stomach. She looked down and smiled, ruffling the girl’s soft blonde hair.

“You already love him, don’t you?”

“I do. It’s hard to explain, but I already feel a connection with him.”

“Natural. He’s a Vampire, you’re a Bloodkeeper. Somehow you can make this connection.”

“Kamilah…” the girl looked at her with eyes filled with tears, “I know it’s your decision to make, but it doesn’t have to be that way. We’re going to raise him, educate him… he won’t be a monster.”

“It’s our decision to make, Amy,” Kamilah corrected her. “For a second, I understood Adrian’s point of view. But then I remembered this baby is yours too. If he has even half of your kindness, even half of your heart, I know we’ll be safe.”

“Does it mean…”

Amy’s face lighted up in a huge smile. Kamilah pressed a soft kiss on her forehead.

“We’re having a baby boy, Amy.”

[petri808]

Mirror’s of the Soul

Hau’oli la Hanau!  Happy Birthday!  @dark0angel13  Hawaii misses you ;)

Based on the folklore of a “dog-man” in Hawaii called the Kaupe.  Spun to be a werewolf AU lol, but with a twist.  The Kaupe was used in the DC tv show Legends of Tomorrow.  It was pointed out to me that Lucy’s character reminded them of character from Witcher 3 as well lol.

~~~~~ Nalu AU one-shot

Lucy had heard the wild rumors of the dog-man of Nu’uanu Valley, but she chalked it up to Hawaiian folklore.  These islands were full of such supernatural tales, and as a transplanted college student, seemed more like ghost stories intended to keep children from misbehaving.  She hadn’t heard of any actual werewolves confirmed in the last few centuries, and this was probably not a real case.  As far as she was concerned, superstitious hocus-pocus wasn’t going to keep her from hiking in the valley.  It’s lush rainforests, waterfalls, or Pali cliff overlooks were stunning, especially near sunset or sunrise.  A slice of nature surrounded by a growing metropolis.  

While the professor droned on at the front of the lecture hall, one of her closest friends slides into the seat next to her.

“You’re late Natsu,” she whispers, “class started 20 minutes ago.”

“Did I miss much?” the young man retorts.  Lucy shakes her head.  “Then I’m not late at all,” he grins back.

She rolls her eyes but can’t help a chuckle from escaping.  “Got any plans this weekend?”

“Tomorrow yeah,” he shifts in his seat, “but should be free Sunday.”

“How about you take me on a Dave ‘N Busters date Sunday so I can kick your ass at RD again.”

“You’re on!”

The next morning, Lucy awakens to perfect outdoor weather.  Balmy breezes lightly shifting her curtains and blue skies as far as the eye could see.  It seemed her roommate hadn’t made it back to their dorm in the night, probably staying the weekend with her boyfriend off campus.  Lucy sighs, and turns on her bed facing the window, maybe one day she’ll be able to do the same.  Yeah sure, Hell might freeze over before Natsu saw her in that way.  He was the best of friend that any could be, but no matter how many times she threw subtle hints or flirted with him, it all seemed to go right over his head.  Oh well, the times they spent together sufficed, but for now the valley was calling her name.

Not only did she like simply being surrounded by the peace and tranquility the forest could provide, it also served as a perfect, distraction free place to write her stories. Notebook, extra pens, fully charged laptop, trusty outdoor blanket, lunch, and ready to go, she ascends the Lulumahu Falls trail.  It was only a 2-mile hike round trip, but unlike some of the other trails in the area, this one cut through a bamboo grove and wasn’t one of the official paths.  As such, traffic tended to be lighter with fellow hikers opting for the maintained trails instead.

She reaches the end of the line and finds a shady area with large flat boulders to sit on.  Thank goodness for the recent sunny weather.  The trail had been mud-free, humidity was lower, and the air was crisp.  Lucy takes out her laptop, balancing it on her thighs and gets to work, letting the sounds of the forest send her into a rhythm.  Her words flowed forth like the gentle burbling of the nearby stream of the same namesake.  Hands gliding across the keyboard like the chirping birds around her.  Every now and again there was a crackle of a falling branch, or footsteps of a fellow nature seeker, but she paid these no mind, her characters keeping her enthralled.

It was great when ideas came to her so easily.  The infamous writers block plagued her from time to time, but not today, and it wasn’t until the light was growing dim that she realized how long she’d been in the writing zone.  Oh crap!  It may still be warm for fall, but the sun also set quicker in these later months.  She checks the time on her phone and guestimates another hour tops before she needed to get out of there.  Alright, this chapter was almost finished, she could make it!

She didn’t make it.

And by the time she’d stumbled into what she assumed was the Kaniakapupu Ruins, it was dark, cell phone coverage was nil, and it was growing a bit chilly.  Thank goodness for her blanket!  Lucy had two options, keep trying to find her way out through unmarked trails and risk getting more lost, or staying put until morning.  The clear skies were in her favor and the bright harvest moon chased away some of the darkness.  She groans and finds a decent rock to plop onto, guess she’ll just hunker down for the night.  

About a half mile away, deeper into the Nu’uanu valley, something catches the scent of the lone female, but that wasn’t good, for he recognized the scent.  ‘What is she doing here and on this night of all nights?!’  He came here to hide during this phase of the month, an ancient calling against his bloodline to guard the heiau of Kaheiki.  Legend has it, his ancestor had impregnated a human female shortly before being killed by a chief from the island of Hawaii, and to atone for that progenitor’s misdeed’s, a descendant was born as a Kaupe every hundred years or so to guard the heiau of the priest that helped to stop it’s rampage.

A thousand years later, it was Natsu’s bad luck that this curse fell upon his generation and with puberty came the confirmation.  He tried consulting the most knowledgeable kahuna’s and priests he could find in the hopes of breaking the curse, but they all told him the same thing, this was his ancestors atonement and only the gods could see fit to change that.  Yeah, well his family had been punished enough for something they hadn’t even done.  It wasn’t fair in this modern era to keep suffering like this.  All he wanted to do was settle down some day like a normal person, but who would want a freak like him?

Natsu’s worries were confirmed the moment he crept up to the ruins and sees Lucy sitting on a rock all bundled up.  With his keener eye sight, he can see her hiking back pack near her feet and puts two and two together that she must have gotten lost.  He could only imagine how cold she must be with nothing more than a light blanket to stay warm with.  At least his fur helped with that, but it was still another 10 more hours before the sun will rise.  Natsu paces as he weighs his options.  Great, so what should he do?  He couldn’t leave her all alone.  But if he made his presence known it might scare the wits out of her.  

He fails to realize that Lucy is now staring in his direction.  It was strange at first the mixed scent of Natsu and canine.  She couldn’t see him through the darkness but knew he was out there somewhere, but putting the clues together and it wasn’t a total shock.  Lucy groans internally at the irony.  The man had been keeping a secret, though she was no better.

“Natsu,” she lets out an exasperated exhale and stands up.  “You might as well come out I know you’re there.”  

That was impossible!  How could Lucy know that he was there in the first place, and second, he wasn’t some random person!  He hears her sigh.  

“Natsu, I can pick up on your scent, now please just come out.”

With a lot of trepidation, he steps beyond the tree line into the clearing.  “Lucy… but how??”

“Just come closer,” she sits back on her rock, “we both have a lot of explaining to do.”

Okay things were getting a little weird, and considering he was the werewolf, to think this was all really strange was… Weird!  No one outside of his family had ever seen him in this form because he’d done well to stay completely hidden from humans, and even though clearly this woman knew it was him, Natsu was still hesitant to let Lucy see him for what he was.  It was also a bit unnerving how unfazed she seemed to be.  He finds a fallen log about 10 feet away from her and sits down on the edge of it.  If he needed to take off again, it would only take mere seconds to do so.

Lucy adjusts the blanket around her body, then props her head with her hand against her knee.  “I assume you are confused?”  Natsu nods.  “Back home, my family hails from a long line of hunters…. Creature hunters.”  She tips her head, “I remember my mom telling me how my great, great, grandfather immigrated to America to establish a line of Heartfilia’s in the new world.  I think it’s silly and I moved here to get away from it all because I didn’t want to continue the tradition.”  An exasperated sigh escapes her lips.  “How ironic that I run into one so easily.”

“That still doesn’t make sense.  How did you know it was me?”

She taps her nose.  “I can track.  Look I know it seems strange, and it’s not normal for a human to do that so easily.  How do I explain it…  Somewhere in my family line, an ancestor was imbued with a few abilities.  I can’t see in the dark, which is why I’m stuck here, but an enhanced olfactory system allows me to detect scents, especially inhuman ones.”

“And, what do creature hunters do exactly?” his voice filled with an air of hesitancy.

“In the old days, they hunted to kill.”

Natsu tenses up and leans back, “should I leave?”

Lucy just waves her hand, “I came here to Hawaii to get away from that life.  Just wanted to be normal, ya know, but it seems I can’t run away from it either.”  She shivers as a breeze funnels through the clearing.

“Are you cold Lucy?  I’m sorry I don’t have a jacket or anything and I can’t leave the area till morning.”

“Why not?  In fact,” she pats the area next to her, “come closer and tell me your story.  It’s only fair since I shared mine.”

“I--I really don’t like anyone seeing me like this, you’re the first outside of my family to.”

“I’m not gonna hurt you and I don’t care what you look like.  I know you’re still you.”  Natsu shakes his head.  “Suit yourself.”  Lucy stands up, gathers the blanket around her and trudges over.

“Wait, what are you doing!” Natsu scrambles to his feet, tripping, and falling backwards over the log with a thud.

She rushes over to help him up, “Are you okay?!”

He rubs the back of his head, “I’ve got a hard head,” he winces, “more my pride that got hurt.”

Lucy chuckles, “see,” she pulls him to his feet, “should’a just stayed still.”

After getting him to come back to the rock with her, Lucy pulls her feet into a cross-legged position. “Alright, now spill.”

With a deep exhale, Natsu lets the words flow.  Everything he knows about his family, the curse, and what it’s like to be a Kaupe….  

All the while Lucy sits quietly not wanting to interrupt him.  She’d heard other tales of werewolves, old legends and such, including the idea of a curse causing the transformation.  Though this was the first time she’d heard of a curse carrying on through a bloodline before.  Guess, there is a first time for everything.  The tale he told was heartrending.  Their family’s ancestor may have been cursed because of a cold-blooded killer nature, but the man sitting next to her was nothing like that.  Natsu would give you the shirt off his back if you were in need and he always made her feel safe, especially at night.  If only there was a way to break the curse.    

Having determined for herself what kind of soul lay behind his Olivine hues, the longer she stared at him, it occurred to her that Natsu… wasn’t that bad looking in this condition.  Hawaii didn’t have wolves so did that make him more of a Weredog?  Not that she truly knew what a werewolf or weredog was supposed to look like since old tales differed on appearance.  Some depicted them as more human with canine features, others as more canine-like and barely human anymore.  Almost all of the stories described large fangs and claws dripping with blood, no ability to discern right from wrong or with any human consciousness left.  Boy were they wrong in this case!  Natsu was fully aware of himself and more scared than she was.  

His human fangs did look a bit longer than normal, his eyes still green but more canine-esque, with claws on his fingers and toes.  Tufts of fur covered the parts of his body that she could see, but he wore a t-shirt and baggy pants, so it wasn’t much.  A tail was definitely coming out of his lower back with pointy ears growing through his pink head hair.  Lucy tips her head, those ears were really cute!  She wondered what he would do if she rubbed them…

“Ahem.  Are you even paying attention anymore?!”

“Huh?”  Lucy shakes her head.  “Sorry,” her face flushes and she’s glad it’s too dark to see it.  “Curiosity and all.”

“I can’t let you touch them, so don’t even think about it.”

“Touch what?”

Natsu rolls his eyes, “my ears that you’ve been staring at for a solid 5 minutes.”

“Oh, why not,” she pouts.

“Because they are sensitive.”  Okay that was a semi-lie.  They were sensitive but rubbing them made him feel good in a provocative manner.  “So, as I was saying, we have no idea how to break the curse, no one in the family ever knows who in the next generations will become the next one, but it usually happens when the current Kaupe is close to death.”

“Is this why you’ve never tried to make a move on me?”

Well that was blunt!  “Um, I guess, yeah…” he scratches his head, “wh-what makes you think I would have?”

Lucy shrugs her shoulders a little sad by his response, “wishful thinking, I guess.  Anyways, don’t worry, your secret is safe with me Natsu.”

“Y-you know Lucy,” he averts his eyes to the ground, “if I had… asked… what would you have answered?”

“Yes,” she turns his chin back and smiles, “I do like you, if that wasn’t already obvious.”  Chuckling, “I just figured you only saw me as a friend.”

He takes a leap, “what about now, even after knowing this about me?”

“Hmm,” Lucy leans against him, resting her head on his furry shoulder, “the huntress and the werewolf,” she chuckles, “it sounds like a movie plot, but,” she looks up and smiles, “yeah, I’d still like to be your leading lady.”

[wilthebean]

I use the holidays...

as a time to step out of my usual routines. I don’t think about the second bottle of wine I’m ordering. The third slice of my mom's sweet potato pie I'm about to shovel down my throat, the pack of Camel Lights that will eventually end up in my purse. All my pseudo secret bad habits are out in the open until January 1st. I always found this time a year a bit overwhelming, so doing things that I considered out of control felt comforting. I’m trash with no one to tell me “no.” I reel myself back in when “I” see fit. But something felt different this year.

It’s hard for me to describe my 2019. If I had to describe it in one word that word would be “crying.” An activity that I like to avoid at all costs. I cried alone in my bedroom after yelling at my ex-boyfriend. I cried while walking to a second 4th of July party because the first party had my ex-bf there...with his new girlfriend. I cried in New Orleans in front of Michelle Obama as she spoke about self-worth. I cried alone in my hotel room in Miami during a work trip, I was a battling sickness and was completely overwhelmed but didn’t want anyone to know. I cried in a bar bathroom right before I hosted one of my first comedy nights because I thought the night would be a failure. I slightly cried on the subway after I convinced myself I ruined my chances with the first guy I genuinely liked after my ex. I thought I was ready for a new adventure. I was wrong. These moments good or bad chipped at me in a way that was extremely uncomfortable. I spent the better half of my 30′s cultivating my world, my system, and most importantly my emotions. Nothing made sense anymore, nothing was working. 

So now we have the holidays and emotionally I was a wreck. I stepped the fuck out of my routines with reckless abandonment and was determined to end 2019 numb. Any food, liquor, and occasional drug that was available to me I would consume.  I saw no reason to “reel it in” or “work on myself.” I was tired. Friday night I went out and I’m sure I had a blast but don’t remember much of it. I woke up Saturday morning with my stomach in knots and my head pounding. I stumbled out of bed and saw the trail of clothes/shoes that started from my bedroom to the bathroom. There was dried vomit in my sink. I don’t remember throwing up. I finally saw myself in the mirror only to see smeared eyeliner and lipstick on my face. I always wash my face right before I go to bed. That bothered me the most. 

It dawned on me that I had appointments in the early afternoon. I had a therapy session downtown and then my cleaning lady was coming right after. I crawled into the shower, brushed my teeth, put on my black hoodie, and called an uber. Every turn and bump from the car made feel sick. I was relieved to get some fresh air after getting out of the car. The security guard asked me “Yo..you good?” as he took my ID so I can enter the building. “Yeah, I’m good. Just not a morning person.” as I tried to muster a fake smile. “He smirked and said...it’s 1pm.” 

My therapist was in the bathroom while I was buzzing the door to gain entrance to her office. She was probably smoking a cigarette but didn’t want to tell me. I could smell it on her when she greeted me at the door. The smell made my stomach turn. I got to her office and I could immediately smell the combination of Frebreeze, a portable heater, and cigarette smoke. I wasn’t sure how long I was going to last in her office. She wanted to start the session asking me about the holidays and how I spent it. All I could think about was if I didn’t get fresh air in 2 minutes I was going to throw up all over her couch. I squirmed and rubbed one side of my temple as I described Christmas morning at my sister's house. I felt beads of sweat on my forehead. All I needed to do was survive 15 more minutes, then I can run out of the building and puke somewhere. She stopped midway of the session and asked was I okay. That I seemed preoccupied and distant. Then out of nowhere, I cried. Through my tears, I said, “I can’t take this anymore..this is all too much!” She thought I was having an anxiety attack, I just wanted to leave the smelly room. I started to apologize for my random outburst but she insisted there was nothing for me to be sorry about. Those emotions, whatever they were would eventually go away, that I have to let them run its course. I can’t control how I feel but any bad feelings won’t seal my faint or determine my worth. That was nice of her to say, even though what I really wanted was fresh air.

After my therapy session, I managed to walk myself to a local coffee shop without vomiting all over myself and got home just in time to let in the cleaning lady. I laid in bed with a hot towel on my face the majority of her stay, until she kicked me out to clean my bedroom. By 5pm I started to feel better. 

I guess my reckless abandonment finally caught up with me, but I didn’t mind that the last time I cried in 2019 was because I was severely hungover at my therapist's office. In fact, I thought it was a bit funny. It’s impossible to be numb without facing consequences. I should’ve just told her the truth, told her what was really going on with me. 

And there you have it. I think I discovered my life lesson.

2019 I was hungover and didn’t tell a single soul, so for that, I suffered.  

2020 I need to start asking folks to open up the god damn window.

[fiti-vation]

Is Eating Healthy Really More Expensive & Time Consuming? (A heartfelt post)

Hey guys,

I noticed that a pressing debate has taken place under one of my posts (Healthy Lunch Recipe Ideas); some people have been debating about healthy eating and I’m happy to see many people share their point of view! That being said, while I am happy to see many thoughts being shared, it is important for me to emphasize that I never want the comment section under any of my posts to become a battleground for nasty arguments.

As someone who studied in criminology and completed numerous undergrad law courses, I have always been open to intelligent debate, as long as it is conducted with respect and diplomacy. Always remember it is rain that grows flowers, not thunder, so don’t raise your voice, but improve your argument instead.

When I post content on my blog, it is never intended to create tyranny, but always to educate. Simply put, my blog is an educative space. The comment section under my posts is not a place for radical ideologies, shaming or pointing fingers at others. Someone who truly advocates for healthy eating on a budget will never shame or point fingers at those who can’t. On that note, here’s my 2 cents on the entire debacle.

Before I start, I’d like to stress that everything written below is from my perspective as a Canadian! I live in the National Capital Region, so there are many places where one can get nutritious food at affordable prices. Canada has for the most part some good places where healthy foods can be purchased while on a budget. Obviously, for people who live in the Territories (Yukon, Nunavut and NWT) that’s a different story…

P.S. I will be counter-arguing many of the points stressed by @nerdgul • Time • Availability • Seasoning

SO, WHAT DO I REALLY THINK ABOUT HEALTHY EATING ON A BUDGET?

Before I begin to present my counterarguments, it is important as always for me to stress the importance of healthy eating. For those of you who have been following me for years, you know how much I advocate for taking good care of our body.  Our body is our temple. It is a gift, and it is the only one we will be given in this life. I believe that fitness needs to come from within you. You need to respect your body. Only then will you have the zeal to maintain it. No one should ever downplay the importance of eating healthy simply because of their financial/socio-economic situation.

The body is amazing, and if you’re not healthy and do not take care of it, it will affect many aspects of your life. The body can heal itself of anything if it is given the tools that it needs and the conditions it requires for natural healing to occur. If we take responsibility for our health, we will develop a desire to accomplish our exercise and fitness goals. The body is your temple. Keep it pure and clean for the soul to reside in.

Minimizing the importance of healthy eating is so prevalent in North American society that obesity, which is linked to many chronic diseases, has become a pervasive and critical issue that many people turn a blind eye to. In Canada and US alone not to mention the other parts of the world, we have far too many people suffering from obesity, diabetes, cancer, heart disease, hypertension and stroke. Studies after studies have shown that we can reduce the risk of these diseases, and maintain our good health by eating properly, getting enough regular exercise, avoiding stress and breathing clean, fresh air. While it may not always be possible to avoid stress and breath clean air, it is indeed possible to control what we eat by choosing the right kind of foods.

The idea that healthy food costs more than junk food is something I hear far too often. People generally believe that ‘healthy’ equals ‘expensive, but as I’ve come to find out over the years from personal experience this is not completely true. One part of the problem is that many people confuse “healthy” with other labels that do increase costs, like “organic” or “gluten-free.” However, unless you have a diagnosed medical condition, you can have a nutritious diet without worrying about those extra labels. I personally don’t buy organic or gluten free food, I just buy heathy food periodt. They key is to eat more whole foods and fewer processed ones.  The other part of the problem is where one shops.

My definition of healthy eating, as stated in Body, Mind, & Mouth...Life's Eating Connection is: "Eating food that is enjoyable to you, in the quantity that is good for you." This means the fruit and vegetables you find enjoyable can be eaten in a larger quantity than the chocolate cake you find enjoyable that should be eaten in a much smaller quantity. It means that you don't deprive yourself, but you learn to make choices congruent with your desired results. It also means your grocery cart is full of the food that nourishes you, and less or none of the food with no nourishment. In the grand scheme, it cost you less.

My food philosophy is: Embrace gorgeous greens, beans, legumes, nuts, seeds, grains, sea veggies, fruits and vegetables galore. It is good to eat foods that keep your body alive, but it is better to eat food that keep your body healthy; it is best to regard your body as a temple and eat appropriate food. The point is you have to invest in your health - it is your biggest asset in life!! Feed your body only best quality food, you deserve it! You eat better, you perform better, you feel better, you look better. It all ties together.

Now that I am done rambling about healthy eating here are my counterarguments.

Money – Responsibility

As someone who has been on both sides of the socio-economic spectrum, I can say with certainty that eating healthy while on a budget isn’t impossible. I have experienced poverty, homelessness and financial stability. That being said, when I experienced financial instability, it never stopped me from eating healthy.

Over my 25 years of existence of this earth, I have never let my socio-economic situation define who I am and what I can accomplish. When I hear people say that they can’t eat healthy because of their financial situation (e.g. my family is on welfare), it strikes a chord in me. To me, asserting that poor people cannot eat healthy simply because of their financial status perpetuates and reinforces the stigma and representation of the unhealthy lower-class individual. It insinuates that eating healthy is only for rich people – this couldn’t be further from the truth.

The circumstances of our lives, especially when they seem stressful or intense, do have an impact on us, for sure. However, all too often, we give away our power to these circumstances and situations. At some point, you have to take control of your existence. You cannot keep on blaming your parents or your circumstances forever. You are totally responsible for your life.

Like discipline, responsibility is one of those words you have probably heard so many times from authority figures that you've developed a bit of an allergy to it. Still, it's one of the most important things to grow and to feel good about your life. Without it as a foundation nothing else really works. Not taking responsibility may be less demanding, less painful and mean less time spent in the unknown. It's more comfortable. You can just take it easy and blame problems in your life. But there is always a price to pay. When you don't take responsibility for your life you give away your personal power.

Disciplining yourself to do what you know is right and important, although difficult, is the high road to pride, self-esteem and personal satisfaction.

The fact of not having the financial means does not necessarily mean that one cannot eat healthy. Everyone can rise above their circumstances.

Note, I’m not referring to homeless people here, but to people who either live on financial assistance or a modest salary. Also, keep in mind that again I am sharing my 2 cents as a Canadian. I perfectly understand that in terms of social benefits, Canada and the US cannot be compared (I’m assuming that @nerdgul, you are American).

At the beginning of my last year in high school, my mother developed a mental illness. Eventually, she ended up not working anymore and we started living on social assistance. If you’ve been following me since I started my blog, you know that at that time I was obese type 2. Fast forward, when I graduated high school and entered college, that’s when I really turned my life around and took responsibility for it. Despite being almost broke, buried under college assignments and dealing with personal life issues at home (taking care of my mentally ill mother), I managed to lose 70 pounds on my own, going from 220 pounds to 150 pounds – by exercising and starting to eat healthy while on a budget.

I didn’t have the time, but I made the time. I didn’t have the knowledge, but I did what I knew. I didn’t have the support, but I learned to support myself. I didn’t have the confidence, but the confidence came with results. I had a lot going against me, but I had enough going for me. I had plenty of excuses, but I chose not to use any of them.

When I look at my old pictures, all I can see is what I used to be, but am no longer. I think what I can see is what I am not… It's not my story anymore: whenever I speak about the past now, I feel as if I were talking about something that has nothing to do with me. All that remains in the present are the voice, the presence, and the importance of fulfilling my mission. I don't regret difficulties I experienced; I think they helped me to become the person I am today, I feel the way a warrior must feel after years of training; he doesn't remember the details of everything he learned, but he knows how to strike when the time is right.

I wasn’t in the best shape of my life, but I wanted to prove to myself I could do something that seems insurmountable and inspire others by showing them no matter where they are in their fitness goals, they can do it, too. “You just do it. You force yourself to get up. You force yourself to put one foot before the other, and God damn it; you refuse to let it get to you. You fight. You cry. You curse. Then you go about the business of living. That’s how I’ve done it. There’s no other way.

One thing that college and university have taught me is how to be resourceful. RESOURCEFUL! One more time for those in the background: RE·SOURCE·FUL! Resourceful in terms of money, time and sources! Having the ability to find quick and clever ways to overcome difficulties will get you far in life! Not having much is not a reason that should prevent someone from realizing greatness. As a post-secondary student, I learned to make the most of the little money I have, I never let my lack of money prevent me from being healthy. Obstacles don't have to stop you. Obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.

There are so many great places where food can be purchased at affordable price. Stores such as Dollarama, Dollar It, Dollar Three, Walmart and Giant Tiger (a.k.a GT Boutique) have so much to offer. As of late I’ve most of my grocery shopping at GT.  Y’all postsecondary students in Canada need to stop sleeping on GT boutique!

10 Healthy Things You Can Buy at the Dollar Store [X]

What's VEGAN at Dollar Tree? Frozen Foods Edition - ON A BUDGET [X]

What's VEGAN at Dollar Tree? Frozen Foods Edition - ON A BUDGET [X]

Never Pay For Food Again In NYC [X]

Why Do We Waste Perfectly Good Food In The U.S.? [X]

I purchase most of my fruits and veggies at Giant Tiger. As you can see in the images below:

Mangoes are ¢79 each (60 cents USD) – Third pic

A bag of 5 avocadoes $1.99 on sales ($1.51 USD)/Regular price $3.97 ($3 USD) – First pic

A bag of apple $1.97 ($1.49 USD) – First pic

A bag of oranges $2.97 ($2.24 USD) – First pic

A pack of 4 bell peppers $1.97 ($1.49 USD) – First pic

Cantaloupe $2.47 each ($1.86 USD) – First pic

Cucumbers ¢97 each (73.17 cents USD) – Second pic

Mushrooms $1 (75 cents USD) – Fouth pic

Pasta ¢79 (¢60 USD) – Fifth pic

Here’s a list of stuff that I regularly purchase at these stores.

When it comes to meat I always check for specials. When the meat is on sale I stack up my freezer. In the image below you can see I grabbed on some chicken at $1.91 CAD and $5.55 CAD + Pork ribs $4.72 CAD. 

Essentials

Since many cooking commodities such as herbs, spices, flour and oil can be purchased in dollar stores, it seems a little misleading to say that these products are expensive. It’s $1 per seasoning at Dollar Tree [X]. That being said, they sell flour at many dollar stores, Walmart, Target, Giant Tiger.

Availability

Unless you live in a remote area, Dollar stores, Walmart, Target stores, and many similar stores are everywhere. That being said, there are numerous blogs and websites that give great advices on how to eat healthy while living in a remote area. While it may be difficult to have access to affordable, healthy and nutritious food in remote regions, it still isn’t impossible.

In consideration of the foregoing, it should be emphasized that very few people in North America live in remote areas. Today, the most urbanized regions include Northern America (with 82% of its population living in urban areas in 2018), Latin America and the Caribbean (81%), Europe (74%) and Oceania (68%). The level of urbanization in Asia is now approximating 50%. In contrast, Africa remains mostly rural, with 43% of its population living in urban areas [X].

Time

Time, don’t we all wish we had more of it. As I have indicated above, one of the most important things that college and university taught me is how to be resourceful!  As a varsity athlete I work out 4 HOURS per day, go to class, work, and still manage to make time to prepare healthy meals. It’s not about having time, it’s about making time. Many things aren't equal, but everyone gets the same 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. We make time for what we truly want.

Prior to being on social assistance - before developing her mental illness, my mother worked 12 hours a day as a cleaning lady; from 8 am to 4 pm, then from 5 pm to 9 pm. Despite her 12-hour shift, she still found time to cook. Now that I’m older and thinking about it, that wild…

There’s a difference between interest and commitment. When you’re interested in doing something, you do it only when circumstance permit. When you’re committed to something, you accept no excuses, only results.

Healthy eating doesn’t have to be fancy. There are so many healthy recipes out there that require very little time to prepare. Sometimes I end up preparing my lunch right before leaving for work. These below are all meals that I prepared right BEFORE leaving for work in like 15-20 min.

It's not the will to win that matters - everyone has that. It's the will to prepare to win that matters. The will to win is worthless if you do not have the will to prepare. By failing to prepare you are preparing to fail...

Here’s a chicken salad I made in 30 min.

I bought a whole cooked chicken for $6 which I boned and then seasoned

Boiled some pasta for 10 min – then put in the freezer for 15 min

Cut some broccoli and cherry tomatoes

Mixed the pasta with the broccoli and cherry tomatoes and some extra seasoning + Mayo

P.S. Here are a few more of my recipes:

Tuna Alfredo Pasta

Cranberry Tuna Salad

Creamy Garlic Shrimp Alfredo Pasta

As a final word

Although, I have much more to say, this post is definitely longer than I expected, so I will stop here. That being said, before closing this post, I would like to emphasize here that we all have our own struggles and by no means I am trying to invalidate the struggles of others with this post.

If someone is tired after working 5 hours and you worked for 7, it doesn’t mean that they’re not allowed to be tired. It doesn’t mean they can’t feel what they’re feeling just because you’ve had it worse.

It is true that there’s a lot more to the price of being healthy than just money, but in the end it all comes down to responsibility. Our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become. Nobody chooses to be broke; nobody wants to be broke, and nobody likes to be broke, but again —our financial status doesn’t have to define us. Your financial situation does not have to dictate how you live your life – rise above adversity. As stated in one of my previous posts, the moment you leave your future in the hands of things outside of your control, is the moment you place it in the hands of circumstance. And, circumstance doesn’t much care about your success. Circumstances are beyond human control, but our conduct is in our own power. Your present circumstances don't determine where you can go; they merely determine where you start.

Obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it. If you do not have money, time and resources to eat healthy, do not give up, figure out ways to change your lifestyle. You can’t change the direction of the wind, but you can adjust your sails to always reach your destination.

I am a firm believer in the law of attraction.

“Watch your thoughts, they become words; watch your words, they become actions; watch your actions, they become habits; watch your habits, they become character; watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”

If you constantly say that you cannot eat healthily because you do not have money, time and resources, it will become a habit. You won’t make an effort to eat healthy because you think you can’t – you will have this misconception in your head that eating healthy is out of your reach. But if you start to change your mind and think more optimistically, you will change your actions. If you start telling yourself “you know what I don’t have much but let me see what I can do with the little that I have”, you will improve your eating habits. Will it be easy? Absolutely not.  The path to a healthy lifestyle is never easy, but the road to it is always rewarding.

Thinking that you can’t eat healthy because you don’t have money, time and resources is a detrimental way of thinking. It's not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters. Everyone is a victim of circumstances they accept. If you decide not to eat healthy because you don’t have money, time and resources – well you have let your circumstances win. Never let your circumstances prevent you from achieving greatness.

A positive attitude gives you power over your circumstances instead of your circumstances having power over you. Your mind is the most powerful force you will ever face. It will tell you lies— it will tell you: you can’t do that – you’re not meant for that; you’re not good enough for that, you can’t go on anymore – you don’t have the energy. You must thank it for its opinion and carry on. The only locked doors that exist are in YOUR own mind. The doors in reality are open and all you have to do is walk through…

Don’t be that person who thinks that because they cannot eat healthy, they are not going to eat healthy.