#and sometimes negative reviews genuinely do have good insights that get me to think more deeply about stuff and that's cool

[genspiel]

sometimes i read negative reviews of books i enjoyed, just for fun, and i can't get over this one person who read The Stone Sky and said it was confusing because.......... second person is used for multiple characters. like??? no???? it's still just essun

[kittyit]

I enjoy your writing a lot — whether it’s your essays or your reviews. In a weird bit of coincidence, actually, I independently followed your letterboxd, medium, and tumblr and only realised it was all you today. And now it’s obvious because whatever the platform, I keep being drawn to your writing — it’s matter of fact yet still tender in a way, and your essays are so incredibly thorough and well-researched.

I guess I wanted to ask 1) how long it takes you to put these things out and 2) how do you manage yourself so you’re not burnt out by all the legwork? Maybe it’s my grad school fatigue speaking but the idea of putting my pen where my mouth is feels daunting, so any insight would be welcome.

side note: I found you on letterboxd because I unknowingly had a “transbian” oomfie who was overly-familiar but not particularly off-putting — until he was very, very mad at Envy/Desire which then piqued my interest and yada. Glad someone also found it funny — hilarious on a meta-level especially. Call me a hater but nothing quite so delicious as getting to witness such a flood of AGP self-owns in real time.

and my answer will most likely be incredibly unhelpful to you. i'm actually seeking (in a life quest way but making some moves recently) ways to become someone who can write more regularly and in a more consistent way. i was kind of fascinated by the concept that i would be putting in legwork - it's the other way around, sort of.

i have ideas for several essays right now, and when i write an essay, i usually just sit down for 1-3 hours and write it all in one go. i have the sources i need because they're things i've already seen or know about, it's just referencing the references in my head. i think i wrote the envy/desire review in about 45 minutes and then just published it. sometimes i try to edit for a few days but often i just pull the trigger (NEED TO NOT DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

i have an incredibly fraught and difficult relationship with writing (or making anything) that has caused me a huge amount of emotional torment in my life so it's really nice to get a genuine compliment that seems to assume i am not just an insane person who sits down and writes insanely which is pretty much what happens

KITTY'S CREATIVE CYCLE: i am thinking about this so much → oh man i'm getting pretty pissed off/sad/beside myself/overwhelmed by the joker nature → i am snapping and sitting down and writing insanely → don't do anything for a year because i dislike myself so much → fuck i'm really starting to think about something a lot

but quite often i rev up on the first two parts of the cycle and then just fritter away to nothing for no reason. it sucks! it is not a good way to be a creative. but i am trying :) and that's what we can do as women. despite all of the ways i feel (very negatively about myself and my work), i can still take the action steps (writing whenever i can, taking myself and my thoughts seriously) to add to feminist intellectual legacy and encourage other women to do the same thing

everyone can write an essay (or a review). just go crazy

[thr-333]

Drastic Measures- Part 15

@daminette-december2019-2020

~Cats~

Did I set up a whole pet store b plot? Yes. could I have easily used it for this promt? Yes. but I live to be unpredictable~

Also I’m gonna give you all fair warning I’m starting to foster kittens tomorrow(huh cats good timing) so if I miss an update it is all their fault.

Ao3

First < Previous

--------------

“So was this how you did it?” Damian asks, leaving the plane on autopilot.

“No, it was a lot less private jets and a lot more magic portals,” Marinette hands him a drink because oh yeah there's a fridge on this plane stocked to the brim, “Won’t he figure out where we are?”

“No this is a card Jason gave me he says Father never caught him so he won't catch me,” Damian sits down across from her, a sea of clouds out the window, “He actually had a whole box full I’m a little concerned,”

“Well you know as long as he doesn't do anything drastic, like buy a plane,” Marinette scoffs gazing out the window. She feels Damian's eyes on her but he doesn't say anything so she lets it be.

“How did I never realize you were Ladybug?” He’s looking at her like she's the world, a look she never gets out of the mask it feels undeserved.

“How did I never realize you were Robin?” Marinette snarks back, anything not to feel that knot in her chest, “I mean the way you tried to kill me was so reminiscent,”

“... I tried to kill you,” Damian seems stricken by the realization.

“Twice,”

“I am very sorry,” 

“... Wow,” And dammit he does look sincere, and she was ready to forgive him on his half-baked apology before how was she meant to stand up to this?

“What?”

“Oh no I was just expecting to hear your brothers scream or something,” Marinette shrugs, Damian rolls his eyes but relaxes, “You actually apologized,”

“Yes surprisingly I understand the concept,” Damian snaps not looking directly at her.

“Now you’re back,” Marinette smiles, letting herself relax.

“About what happened,” Damian breaks the silence again, “The whole soul mate ordeal, does that actually exist?”

“In a way, usually not the way people think,” Marinette faces him turning on more of her Ladybug confidence, “The universe is all about balance, that's the whole point of the miraculous, like the creation of the Ladybug miraculous has to be balanced by the destruction of the Cat miraculous, if it’s not, the world is out of balance, you get things like Hawkmoth,”

“So that’ll happen to us?” Damian leans forward with rapt attention.

“No, miraculous are powerful examples but balance applies to people too, soul mates balance each other out if one dies then the other person is off-balance,” Marinette makes vague gestures to support her explanation, “Sometimes the effects are minimal sometimes they are extreme, it all depends on how well you know your soulmate and if you have a miraculous,”

“What happens if they have a miraculous?”

“Well miraculous have more power and if you wear them long enough that power becomes part of you, if only one person has that power than the bond is off-balance, so usually the guardians try to pair up soulmates to hold the miraculous,”

“So you-”

“Extenuating circumstances,” Marinette waves off before it can be mulled over, “Master- the guardian that chose me feared it might have negative effects on you but I guess being… everything balanced it out a bit more,”

“So you said it’s not romantic,” Damian's blushing now, Marinette holds her breath, “Does that mean-”

They are thrown to the side, alarms start blaring and they are losing altitude quickly.

“What's going on?!” Marinette stands up shakily, using the seat to pull herself up.

“We’ve been shot,” Damian's running to the cockpit, “We’re going down,”

“Damian!” Marinette grabs him, the ground is visible now and they are quickly approaching the forest. 

There's no miraculous to protect them. Marinette grabs the parachutes passing one to Damian they shrug them on before opening the door.

“Ever done this before!?” Damian shouts over the wind.

“Nope!” and with that Marinette jumps out of the crashing plane.

She stops the fall by deploying her parachute, drifting down as the plane crashing into the rain forest. She gets tangled in the canopy trees, getting out of the parachute Marinette makes her way down to the forest floor far from the crash here and no Damian insight.

“Hey, Damian! Where are you!” Marinette shouts meeting silence, running through the jungle, “Are you alright!? Answer me!”

“Define alright,” Marinette looks up above her and there Damian is, hanging from the branches like a ragdoll, “do not laugh,”

“I’m not laughing,” Marinette is definitely laughing, “No I’m just checking my phone up high like I always do, ignore that sound pretty sure it’s just a bird,”

“Marinette stop taking pictures and get me down,”

“Alright, alright,”

She does with some trouble eventually getting Damian down safely.

“So whereabouts are we?” Marinette peers through the trees.

“Jungle, far from our target,” Damian has his specialized GPS out, “We’ll have to find the nearest town and get transport,”

“Right, town,” She whistles,  “There seems to be an abundance of those around,”

“There's one a few days walk from here,”

“Perfect,” Marinette rolls her eyes, following Damian's lead, “Who shot us down anyway?”

“Could be the military, wouldn’t put anything past Father, there may be a villain base nearby,” Damian lists, “Or perhaps, it was some poachers,”

“What Damian you didn’t spring for the armored jet?”

“I would have if I didn’t-” He stops looking at her despondently, “You’re messing with me,”

“Yep, but the fact you fell for it is very revealing,” Marinette pats him on the shoulder walking forward. She gets the distinct feeling of being watched and looks around casually as possible, spotting the source,  “In other news have you seen that mushroom over there,”

“We’re being followed,” Damian whispers to where she was pointing near the hunter.

“Amazing deduction, if only someone had pointed you in that direction,” Damian smirks before Marinette asks, “Who could it be, Batman? Assassins?”

“Or the people that shot us down, or both,”

They both watch cautiously taking a step forward, then they get attacked. Marinette and Damian dodge to the side in time. And no it’s not Batman or a villain or anyone else its-

“Big kitty!” Marinette squeals the tiger prowling towards her. Marinette reaches out with her magic trying to soothe them.

“Marinette stand back,” Damian warns, forced to the opposite side.

 “Please Damian this thing looks so starved I could speed walk away from it and it wouldn't catch up,” Marinette reaches out, cautiously despite her flippant attitude. The tiger sniffs her hand before bumping against it harmlessly, her creation magic soothing it, “Come on let's help her out,”

“How on earth did you pull me into adopting a tiger?” Damian asks as they stalk through the forest tiger in tow.

“Please, I’d probably have to hold you back from adopting it,” Damian doesn't deny it, “We’re just making sure she gets some food,”

“And how are we not turning into that food?” Damian asks, backing up as the Tiger stalks closer to him.

“Miraculous magic, animals tend to love me,”

“Especially cats,” Damian says a weird pinch to his tone.

“Sure, cats, ladybugs… oh,” She stops, looking back at him.

“You said miraculous holders should be soul mates,” Damian's talking to the ground.

“Yeah but Adrien's not my soul mate,” Marinette puts her hands on his shoulders, “You are,”

“So you two arent?”

“Not at all,” Marinette smiles, Damian relaxes and they keep walking.

“That's good,”

“Good?” 

“I didn’t say that,” He’s blushing now and Marinette’s not above teasing.

“Yes you did~”

“Marinette shhh, we’re trying to hunt here,” Damian shushes her still in a teasing tone. Marinette laughs, running to catch up.

 ---

 The hunt goes well. Well enough that Marinette should be more worried the tiger is about to adopt Damian not the other way around. They are carrying the kill for the tiger back to the den. She goes inside while they set the food down outside.

“Do you think she has babies!?” Marinette is also not above using her magic to pat tiger cubs.

“I’d say by the empty den no,” Damian backs up from his peeking when she stalks out, pacing around the area.

“I’d say by her distress and these footprints that yes,” Marinette glares in the direction the footprints go, “And that this isn’t good,”

“Follow me, I’ll track them,” Damian runs forward, closely followed.

“Another hunt, goodie,”

“You know a problem with your sarcasm Marinette is that I don’t know when you’re being genuine,”

“Oh, Damian I always use genuine sarcasm,”

Damian holds back whatever comeback he has, instead, running faster. They track the footprints through the rain forest. It isn’t far until they find the poachers. And it takes considerably less time for Ladybug and the former Robin to take them down.

“There you go sweetheart,” Marinette hands the two cubs back to their mother, not before getting in a quick pat.

“Yeah considering this man's arm that's not accurate,” Damian begrudgingly bandages the guy's arm, not with the best bedside manner.

“Yes it is~” Marinette coos at the mother fretting over the babies, “I suppose we have to take them to the hospital,”

“Right in the main city, and we should use their truck,” Damian grins evilly, Marinette matches it.

“There are closer-”

“Hush you,” Marinette gags the poachers for good measure, all of them bound.

“We’re taking a job at the Royal palace, you can be sure that we’ll mention you,” Damian glared coldly down at the men, “I would recommend not making your review any more unflattering,”

---------

no taglist :P

[popculty]

52 Films by Women: 2020 Edition

Another annual challenge complete!

Last year, I focused on diversifying my list. This year I kept that intention but focused on watching more non-American films and films from the 20th century. Specifically, I sought out Agnès Varda’s entire filmography, after her death in 2019. (I was not disappointed - What a filmmaking legend we lost.) 

I also kept a film log for the first time and have included some of my thoughts on several films from that log. I made a point of including reviews both positive and negative, because I think it’s important to acknowledge the variability and breadth of the canon, so as not to put every film directed by a woman on a pedestal. (Although movies directed by women must clear a much higher bar to be greenlit, meaning generally higher quality...But that’s an essay for another day :)

* = directed by a woman of color

bold = fave

1. The Rhythm Section (2020) dir. Reed Morano - Not as good as it could have been, given Morano’s proven skill behind the camera, but also not nearly as bad as the critics made it out to be. And unbelievably refreshing to see a female revenge story not driven by sexual assault or the loss of a husband/child.

2. Cléo de 5 à 7 (1962) dir. Agnès Varda - If you ever wanted to take a real-time tour of Paris circa 1960, this is the film for you.

3. Little Women (2019) dir. Greta Gerwig - Still my favorite Little Women adaptation. I will re-watch it every year and cry.

4. Varda by Agnès (2019) dir. Agnès Varda & Didier Rouget

5. Booksmart (2019) dir. Olivia Wilde - An instant classic high school comedy romp that subverts all the gross tropes of its 1980s predecessors.

6. Girls of the Sun (2018) dir. Eva Husson

7. Blue My Mind (2017) dir. Lisa Brühlmann

8. Portrait of a Lady On Fire (2019) dir. Céline Sciamma - Believe the hype. This film is a master thesis on the female gaze, and also just really effing gorgeous.

9. Belle Epine (2010) dir. Rebecca Zlotowski

10. Vamps (2012) dir. Amy Heckerling - With Krysten Ritter and Alicia Silverstone as modern-day vampires, I was so ready for this movie. But it feels like a bad stage play or a sit-com that’s missing a laugh-track. Bummer.

11. *Birds of Prey (2020) dir. Cathy Yan - Where has this movie been all our lives?? Skip the next onslaught of Snyder-verse grim-darkery and give me two more of these STAT! 

12. She’s Missing (2019) dir. Alexandra McGuinness

13. The Mustang (2019) dir. Laure de Clermont-Tonnere - Trigger warning for the “protagonist” repeatedly punching a horse in the chest. I noped right out of there.

14. Monster (2003) dir. Patty Jenkins – I first watched this movie when I was probably too young and haven’t revisited it since. The rape scene traumatized me as a kid, but as an adult I appreciate how that trauma is not the center of the movie, or even of Aileen’s life. Everyone still talks about how Charlize “went ugly” for this role, but the biggest transformation here isn’t aesthetic, it’s physical – the way Theron replicates Wuernos’ mannerisms, way of speaking, and physicality. That’s why she won the Oscar. I also love that Jenkins calls the film “Monster” (which everyone labels Aileen), but then actually uses it to tell the story of how she fell in love with a woman when she was at her lowest, and that saved her. That’s kind of beautiful, and I’m glad I re-watched it so that I could see the story in that light, instead of the general memory I had of it being a good, feel-bad movie. It’s so much more than that.

15. Water Lilies (2007) dir. Céline Sciamma – Sciamma’s screenwriting and directorial debut, the first in her trilogy on youth, is as painfully beautiful as its sequels (Tomboy and Girlhood). It’s also one of the rare films that explores the overlap of queerness and girl friendships.

16. The Trouble with Angels (1966) dir. Ida Lupino – Movies about shenanigan-based female friendships are such rare delights. Rosalind Russel is divine as Mother Superior, and Hayley Mills as “scathingly brilliant” as the pranks she plays on her. Ida Lupino’s skill as an editor only enhances her directing, providing some truly iconic visual gags to complement dialogue snappy enough for Gilmore Girls. 

17. Vagabond (1985) dir. Agnès Varda – Shot with a haunting realism, this film has no qualms about its heroine’s inevitable, unceremonious death, which it opens with, matter-of-factly, before retracing her final (literal) steps to the road-side ditch she ends up in. (I’m partly convinced said heroine was the inspiration for Sarah Manning in Orphan Black.)

18. One Sings, The Other Doesn’t (1977) dir. Agnès Varda – Probably my favorite classic Varda, this film feels incredibly personal. It’s essentially a love story about two best friends with very different lives. For an indie made in the ‘70s, the diversity, scope, and themes of the film are impressive. Even if the second half a drags a bit, the first half is absolute perfection, engaging the viewer immediately, and clipping along, sprinkling in some great original songs that were way progressive for their time (about abortion, female bodily autonomy, etc) and could still be considered “bangers” today.

19. Emma (2020) dir. Autumn de Wilde

20. Black Panthers (1969) dir. Agnès Varda

21. Into the Forest (2016) dir. Patricia Rozema - When the world was ending (i.e. the pandemic hit) this was the first movie I turned to - a quiet, meditative story of two sisters (Elliot Page and Evan Rachel Wood) surviving off the land after a sudden global blackout. Four years later, it’s still one of my favorite book-to-screen adaptations. I fondly remember speaking with director Patricia Rozema at the 2016 Chicago Critics Film Festival after a screening, her love for the source material and desire to “get it right” so apparent. I assured her then, and reaffirm now, that she really did.

22. City of Trees (2019) dir. Alexandra Swarens

23. Never Rarely Sometimes Always (2020) dir. Eliza Hittmann - To call this a harrowing and deeply personal journey of a sixteen-year-old who must cross state lines to get an abortion would be accurate, but incomplete. It is a story so much bigger than that, about the myriad ways women’s bodies and boundaries are constantly violated.

24. Paradise Hills (2019) dir. Alice Waddington

25. *Eve’s Bayou (1996) dir. Kasi Lemmons – I’ve been meaning to watch Kasi Lemmons’ directorial debut for many years now, and I’m so glad I finally have, because it fully deserves its icon status, beyond being one of the first major films directed by a black woman. Baby Jurnee Smollett's talent was immediately recognizable, and she has reminded us of it in Birds of Prey and Lovecraft Country this year. If merit was genuinely a factor for Oscar contenders, she would have taken home gold at eleven years old. Beasts of the Southern Wild has been one of my all-time favorites, but now I realize that most of my appreciation for that movie actually goes to Lemmons for blazing the trail with her story of a young black girl from the bayou first. It’s also a surprisingly dark story about memory and abuse and familial relationships that cross lines - really gutsy and surprising themes, especially for the ‘90s.

26. Blow the Man Down (2019) dir. Bridget Savage Cole & Danielle Krudy - Come and get your sea shanty fix!

27. Touchy Feely (2013) dir. Lynn Shelton - R.I.P. :(

28. Hannah Gadsby: Douglas (2020) dir. Madeleine Parry - If you thought Gadsby couldn’t follow up 2018′s sensational Nanette with a comedy special just as sharp and hilarious, you would have been sorely mistaken.

29. Girlhood (2013) dir. Céline Sciamma

30. Breathe (2014) dir. Mélanie Laurent

31. *A Dry White Season (1989) dir. Euzhan Palcy

32. Laggies (2014) dir. Lynn Shelton

33. *The Old Guard (2020) dir. Gina Prince-Bythewood – Everything I’ve ever wanted in an action movie: Immortal gays, Charlize Theron wielding a labrys (battle axe), kinetic fight choreography I haven’t seen since the last Bond movie…Watched it twice, then devoured the comics it was adapted from, and I gotta say: in the hands of black women, it eclipses the source material. Cannot wait for the just-announced sequel.

34. Morvern Callar (2002) dir. Lynn Ramsay

35. Shirley (2020) dir. Josephine Decker

36. *Radioactive (2019) dir. Marjane Satrapi – The story is obviously well worth telling and the narrative structure – weaving in the future consequences of Curie’s discoveries – is clever, but a bit awkwardly executed and overly manipulative. There are glimpses of real brilliance throughout, but it feels as if the director’s vision was not fully realized, to my great disappointment. Nonetheless, I appreciated seeing Marie Curie's story being told by a female director and embodied by the always wonderful Rosamund Pike.

37. *The Half of It (2020) dir. Alice Wu - I feel like a real scrooge for saying this, but this movie did nothing for me. Nothing about it felt fresh, authentic or relatable. A real disappointment from the filmmaker behind the wlw classic Saving Face.

38. Mouthpiece (2018) dir. Patricia Rozema - I am absolutely floored. One of those films that makes you fall in love with the art form all over again. Patricia Rozema continues to prove herself one of the most creatively ambitious and insightful directors of our time, with this melancholic meditation on maternal grief and a woman’s duality.

39. Summerland (2020) dir. Jessica Swale - The rare period wlw love story that is not a) all-white or b) tragedy porn. Just lovely.

40. *The Last Thing He Wanted (2020) dir. Dee Rees – As rumored, a mess. Even by the end, I still couldn’t tell you who any of the characters are. Dee, we know you’re so much better than this! (see: Mudbound, Pariah)

41. *Cuties (2020) dir. Maïmouna Doucouré – I watched this film to 1) support a black woman director who has been getting death threats for her work and 2) see what all the fuss is about. While I do think there were possibly some directorial choices that could have saved quite a bit of the pearl-clutching, overall, I didn’t find it overly-exploitative or gross, as many (who obviously haven’t actually watched the film) have labeled it. It certainly does give me pause, though, and makes me wonder whether children can ever be put in front of a camera without it exploiting or causing harm to them in some way. It also makes one consider the blurry line between being a critique versus being an example. File this one under complicated, for sure.

42. A Call to Spy (2019) Lydia Dean Pilcher – An incredible true story of female spies during WWII that perfectly satisfied my itch for British period drama/spy thriller and taught me so much herstory I didn’t know.

43. Kajillionaire (2020) dir. Miranda July - I was lucky enough to attend the (virtual) premiere of this film, followed by an insightful cast/director Q&A, which only made me appreciate it more. July's offbeat dark comedy about a family of con artists is queerer and more heartfelt than it has any right to be, and a needed reprieve in a year of almost entirely white wlw stories. The family's shenanigans are the hook, but it's the budding relationship between Old Dolio (an almost unrecognizable Evan Rachel Wood) and aspiring grifter Melanie (the luminous Gina Rodriguez) that is the heart of the story.

44. Misbehaviour (2020) dir. Philippa Lowthorpe – Again, teaching me herstory I didn’t know, about how the Women’s Liberation Movement stormed the 1970 Miss World Pageant. Keira Knightley and Gugu Mbatha-Raw’s characters have a conversation in a bathroom at the end of the film that perfectly eviscerates well-meaning yet ignorant white feminism, without ever pitting women against each other - a feat I didn’t think was possible. I also didn’t think it was possible to critique the male gaze without showing it (*ahem Cuties, Bombshell, etc*), but this again, invents a way to do it. Bless women directors.

45. *All In: The Fight for Democracy (2020) dir. Liz Garbus and Lisa Cortes – 2020’s 13th. Thank god for Stacey Abrams, that is all.

46. *The 40-Year-Old Version (2020) dir. Radha Blank – This scene right here? I felt that in my soul. This whole film is so good and funny and heartfelt and relatable to any artist trying to walk that tightrope of “making it” while not selling their soul to make it. My only initial semi-note was that it’s a little long, but after hearing Radha Blank talk about how she fought for the two-hour run-time as a way of reclaiming space for older black women, I take it back. She’s right: Let black women take up space. Let her movie be as long as she wants it to be. GOOD FOR HER.

47. Happiest Season (2020) dir. Clea Duvall - Hoooo boy. What was marketed as the first lesbian Christmas rom-com is actually a horror movie for anyone who’s ever had to come out. Throw in casual racism and a toxic relationship treated as otp, and it’s YIKES on so many levels. Aubrey Plaza, Dan Levy, and an autistic-coded Jane are the only (underused) highlights.

48. *Monkey Beach (2020) dir. Loretta Todd

49. *Little Chief (2020) dir. Erica Tremblay – A short film part of the 2020 Red Nation Film Festival, it’s a perfect eleven minutes that I wish had gone on longer, if only to bask in Lily Gladstone in a leading role.

50. First Cow (2019) dir. Kelly Reichardt – I know Kelly Reichardt’s style, so I’ll admit-- even as I was preparing for an excellent film, I was also reaching for my phone, planning on only half paying attention during all the inevitable 30-second shots of grass blowing in the wind. (And yes, there are plenty of those.) But twenty minutes in, my phone was set aside and forgotten, as I am getting sucked into this beautiful story about two frontiersman trying to live their best domestic life.There is only one word to describe this film and that is: PURE. I’ve never seen such a tender platonic relationship between men on screen before, and it’s not lost on me that it took a woman to show us that tenderness. Reichardt gives us two men brought together by fate, and kept together by a shared dream and the simple pleasure of not being alone in such a hard world; two men who spend their days cooking, trapping, baking, and dreaming of a better life; two men who don’t say much, but feel everything for each other. The world would be a much better place if men showed us this kind of vulnerability and friendship toward each other. Oh, and it’s also a brutal take-down of capitalism and the myth of the American Dream!

51. Wonder Woman 1984 (2020) dir. Patty Jenkins - My most-anticipated film for the past two years was...well, a mixed bag, to say the least. Too many thoughts on it for a blog post, so stay tuned for the upcoming podcast ep where we go all in ;)

52. *Selah and the Spades (2019) dir. Tayarisha Poe

I hope this gives you some ideas to kick off your new year with a resolution to support more female directors!

What were your favorite women-directed movies of last year? Let me know in the tags, comments, or asks!

[fansofvow]

im here to clear up some things.

edit: just scroll to the bottom for the tl;dr cause this is a lot but i think its necessary so it doesnt seem half assed or glossed over.

if you can’t tell by the perpetual lowercase here, its mod galen! i figured i should address the drama coming on here from a different perspective. no, this isn’t mod atlas dumping all her problems on me, she’s already tried talking abt it herself - its me deciding to speak up on my own accord after seeing the shitfest my dash has become.

keep in mind - i will be happy to discuss any of this with you guys civilly, but im not going to be kind to nasty anon hate. dm us, or just send us a polite ask, and we can sort things out! if we’ve done something ignorant, i promise you we will educate ourselves and apologise sincerely.

the galen thing

first and foremost - i saw some people saying its sus that i, an nb mod, was added to the blog right after the galen debacle. it was not to save face or hide behind me! ironically, the reason i got added now of all times was because mod atlas and i were discussing what was going on, i gave my thoughts on the matter, she asked me if id be interested in being a mod!

mod atlas then thanked me for my insight and educated her on the issue and figured it would be a good idea to actually have someone in the lgbt+ community on the blog - that way, these silly ignorant mistakes will not happen again. i wont let it happen. not to mention she’s getting pretty busy in her personal life so she thought itd be a good idea to bring someone else on board.

i believe that people can learn from their mistakes - i was also hurt by that misgendering galen post. i bitched about it too. but i saw that everyone involved apologised, genuinely didn’t mean it, and promised to do better. and i’ll hold them to that! but im not gonna start talking trash abt them on other peoples blogs just bc they made a rly ignorant post. if you’re cis, i really don’t want you speaking up on this matter anymore. its not your fight. youre not in the position to forgive nor condemn any of these people. trans folk, im not going to tell you that anyone deserves your forgiveness, that’s up to you, but what they do deserve is your decent respect. unless they say theyre blatantly against trans people - aka make a deliberately transphobic statement rather than one made out of pure ignorance - in that case, all bets are off lmfao. i dont take that shit lightly and ill come for you too.

to the person who made the misgendering galen post - you know who you are, i dont want to send you any more hate than you’ve already been getting so im not going to @ you, but please. reupload your apology about the post, cause i scrolled through your blog for ages and didn’t find it - if i didn’t see it reblogged on this blog, i wouldn’t have known you apologised. i wouldn’t have felt like your blog is a safe space for nonbinary folk. its important you own up to mistakes and keep the apology there.

the nahara thing

look. im poc. im also straight up sick and tired of lovestruck’s mistreatment of dark-skinned characters, especially black characters (why do half of them look like recoloured white people....?) like nahara. its important for our representation that she does well! that way, we can get more diverse li’s on our roster in the future instead of every skinny white person getting the spotlight and 9238428903 seasons. (i love you onyx and juliette, but what the fuck.)

that being said - i dont think what mod atlas said was that bad, especially considering it wasn’t here on fansofvow, the only thing reblogged onto here being her english lesson on galen’s route with a relieved comment abt how thats a series started right.

please understand - we’ve been afraid of the new characters’ routes ever since the strike. a lot of writers left, a lot are likely to be leaving, and we’re concerned about the status of the app. this wasn’t to shoot down nahara, but out of pure relief that we’re not seeing a downwards spike in the writing quality post-strike.

that being said - if you think nahara’s route is well written, and great - thats awesome! please give her all the love for us, cause we do want her to do well. she’s just not our cup of tea. can we please respect that instead of slamming this blog’s name? nahara is still doing well, im seeing hype for her everywhere- one or two negative opinions wont change that. we’re not even going to a leave a review in-app, which is the most important form of community feedback to lovestruck.

the posts have been deleted. please, give it a rest. keep loving nahara. quit the drama.

the nikolai’s route in school thing

all the students that saw the screenshots were 18+, and none of the examples were sexual in nature. teenagers get shown romeo and juliet in school, a play ending in a double suicide, but showing adults a few lines of good writing from a 17+ app is bad? its not like she showed them a scene from a straight up porno, its just a story that happens to have sexual themes in it. its up to the students whether they read the whole story or not, and they’re mature enough to handle it. that’s all im going to say abt the matter, cause im no teacher,

and lastly...

i see a lot of people saying that we, fansofvow, need to “set an example” cause we think we’re a “fandom leader” or somehow think we’re on some high horse cause of clout? i have no idea where this started because ik for a fact mod atlas has never referred to herself as a “fandom leader” or anything like that, and guys, we’re not that up ourselves. we don’t even have tons of followers! we’re just doing our thing to support VOW. please don’t put words in our mouths.

with all that out of the way, i hope we can move on and make the community a happier place for everyone.

-mod galen

tl;dr: people make ignorant mistakes sometimes. mod atlas has apologised for reblogging the post abt misgendering galen, wants nahara to do well, only showed non-sexual writing examples of nikolai to 18+ students and never called herself a “fandom leader.”

[maddie-grove]

Little Book Review: Tell Me Again How a Crush Should Feel

Author: Sara Farizan.

Publication Date: 2014.

Genre: Contemporary YA.

Premise: Leila Azadi, a Persian-American seventeen-year-old, already feels like an outsider, both at home (where her well-meaning but staid parents constantly compare her to her goody-goody older sister) and at her fancy Boston day school (where all her classmates seem to have it more together than her, plus they're mostly white and blithely ignorant). She doesn't want to risk making things worse by revealing that she's attracted to other girls. Then gorgeous, exciting Saskia arrives on the scene. She thinks Leila's beautiful and fascinating, plus she's mixed-race and can relate to some of Leila's experiences. Unfortunately, she's also cruel and unpredictable. Who can Leila turn to for help, when that would mean disclosing information that she's afraid of sharing?

Thoughts: Sometimes, the people who should be the most able to emphasize with us use that insight not to build a genuine connection, but instead to hurt and exploit. This summer, I read three books--one YA novel, one literary thriller, and one memoir--that explored this unhappy but important idea. Tell Me Again How a Crush Should Feel was the least impressive of the three, due to some tonal and stylistic issues, but I still liked it a lot. Farizan strikes a good balance between warning queer young women to keep their bullshit meter on and showing positive romantic relationship between women as commonplace (specifically in a romance between Leila and an old friend who has a gentle James Dean vibe).

The novel's strongest point, though, is its family relationships. Leila's parents obviously care about and value her from the jump; they're just out of their depth and oblivious to the effect of always pointing to her twenty-something older sister as an example. It's really moving to watch them reevaluate their priorities out of love for their struggling daughter. The older sister is also a delightful surprise; Leila initially assumes that their parents' idealized view of her is the truth and resent her for it, but gradually realizes that her sister is an imperfect, independent-minded young woman like herself. I also enjoyed Leila's painfully realistic self-consciousness, particularly in a scene where she auditions for the school play and freaks out over a minor setback.

The most persistent issue in the novel is Farizan's somewhat unpolished writing style. I don't have much to say about that; it'll either work for you as part of the first-person narrative or detract from your experience. The more interesting problem is Saskia, whose larger-than-life erratic meanness is both a strength and a weakness. On one hand, I got excited whenever she was on the page, because I knew the drama was about to get scandalous. She's a small-scale Ellen from Leave Her to Heaven; she even poisons a girl so she can mack on Leila. I'm here for it! On the other hand, she's way too big for the rest of this heartfelt, intimate novel. It didn't make the book less fun, but I found myself wondering, "Do the characters think this shit is as weird as I do? Because I feel like they're under-reacting."

Hot Goodreads Take: Some reviewers have raised concerns that the portrayal of Saskia is biphobic, because she (a) has sexual relationships with both Leila and her male best friend and (b) is a baby version of Ellen from Leave Her to Heaven. I get where they're coming from, but, as a bisexual, it didn't rub me the wrong way. Leila's ultimate love interest is also a girl who seems interested in girls and guys without using a specific term to describe herself, and she's perfectly nice. Plus Leila thinks plenty of negative thoughts about Saskia, yet they never revolve around her sexuality.

[himarifuruya]

Diamond Light [ Open Book ]

Preface: Diamond Light is a non-linear series of stories based around my OC Himari Furuya and her relationship with Tamaki Amajiki or Suneater.

TW: Chapters may contain Rated M [18+] content, such as graphic sexual content, canon typical violence and gore, body horror and explicit language.

Chapter Summary: Midterm exams are just around the corner and Himari knows she needs all the help she can get.

If Himari was asked what part of her heroic education she disliked the most, it would have to be the academic side. On top of their rigorous training, the students of U.A. were also expected to keep up with their regular studies. To get anywhere in this world, students not only needed to be exceptional in skill, but in intelligence as well. It was essential, a prestigious institution couldn’t afford to accept mediocrity.

Like winter’s frosty breath, the young hero could feel the chill of midterm exams creeping in. Every student with a lick of common sense would be cramming their brains out to earn the best results. She could only pray to the Gods that she could muster some passing marks.

As luck would have it, she found her chance

Instead of going home that day, she was in the library, sitting beside her work study partner, Tamaki Amajiki. Earlier that day, she found the dark-haired boy at the far table leaned over his study materials with a severe look on his face. It had been impeccable timing considering she had gone there for a peaceful place to work. Seeing an opportunity to get some help, she decided to reach out. As usual, she managed to give him a near heart attack when she seemed to appear before him out of thin air, asking if they could study together.

Much to her surprise, he agreed to it.

Ever since the two started working together at Fat Gum’s agency, they had been seeing a lot more of each other. Part of it was because Togata and Hado began making it a daily ritual to hang out before class, which sometimes led her to get scolded by the teacher for being late. Some of her classmates even joked that she wasn’t really their classmate, but a spy sent by the other class to ruin them.

The rest had been coincidental.

“S-So, what part are you having trouble with Furuya?” He asked suddenly disrupting her train of thought.

“Hm?”

He was looking away from her, fumbling with his mechanical pencil. “I…just thought that if we shared what parts we are struggling with, we could help each other out better.”

There was a grave look on her face as her gaze shifted from her study guide to the disastrous notes she scribbled during class.

“Everything…”

“I-Is that so?” He sounded concerned, falling quiet as he turned his gaze back to his own work. Himari’s attention drifted as well, suddenly feeling a little awkward. It almost caught her off guard when he spoke up again.

“Could you…maybe, show me your notes?”

“Uhm…” Himari thought for a moment, then closed her notebook. “…I don’t want to.”

He surprised her again with a flat look. “Furuya…”

“Okay, okay, but don’t laugh, English is literally my worst subject.” She held out her notebook as if she were handing out her diary.

After Tamaki took the notebook from her, he flipped it open to see what he was working with. She sat there, stiff as a board, watching him slowly sink back in his chair. His brows lifted as if mystified by what he just laid his eyes upon.

“Oh my god…” He covered his mouth with his hand, stifling a snort. “You confused ‘persecute’ with ‘prostitute’…”

She blinked. “What’s the difference?”

Her question sent him floundering, like a fish out of water. “W-Well, a, ugh, w-well, ehhhh.”

When he couldn’t get the words out, she offered him a sheepish grin. “Sorry, I’ve never been really good at this kind of thing… Even when I took the entrance exam, I barely passed the written portion. Guess I just prefer hands-on work.” She then added quickly. “─Don’t think I’ll use that as an excuse though! Even if it doesn’t seem like it, I am very serious about my studies.”

Something about her humor seemed to help calm him down to the point that he chuckled warmly at her words. “I-It’s okay, I understand that this stuff can be pretty dense…and well…b-boring.”

Himari hummed in agreement, resting her elbows on the table with her chin in the cradle of her palms. “Whenever I listen to an English lecture, I feel like my brain melts inside my skull and bleeds out of my ears.”

Amajiki raised a hand, halting her from further exposition. “I get it, you don’t need to include graphic imagery, dummy.”

“It’s more immersive that way though,” she said.

“Next time, ask for consent first.” His comeback got her giggling, usually when she made remarks like that, she often received weird looks or awkward laughter.

She let out a soft sigh. “I know this is a little too much, but it would really mean a lot to me if I had your help.”

He set down her notebook, scratching his cheek. “To be honest, I-I’m surprised that you would want to study with me.” She noticed he began to fidget as he went on to elaborate. “I-I mean I’m really…really bad at t-talking in general and well, explaining things…that’s all a lot of pressure… I-If I screw s-something up, I-I don’t want that to n-negatively affect you. God…I would feel so bad if that happened…I─”

Before he could ramble any further, Himari pushed a finger up to his lips, silencing him. His eyes widened and his cheeks reddened in response to her touch. He sank back into his chair to get away, staring up at her with a bewildered, almost frightened expression.

She stood up from her seat with her ruby gaze leveled with his indigo ones. If she was being honest with herself, she found his expression to be quite adorable.

“Listen Amajiki, you might think I have the wrong impression of you, but I truly believe you are a reliable person.” She spoke in a subdued tone that didn’t waver. “─Honestly, I really hate asking for help, period, but you’re someone I feel comfortable enough to be around; so, it’s not like I’m asking out of convenience.”

As she went on, Amajiki's terrified expression slowly morphed into wonder. He almost couldn't believe that she could speak such kind things so openly; not only that, but these were things she felt about him.

“Uh-Uhm…” He tore away from her gaze with a hand over his eyes. His voice came out shaky, practically rattling out of his throat. “Okay, Okay… Just….”

Hardly a second later, Amajiki had his back turned to her, folded over, and mumbling to himself. Seeing him trembling made Himari sit down, wondering if her approach had been too aggressive. Still, it’s not like she regretted saying it.

As if on instinct, she reached over and gently laid her palm on the center of his back. Not surprised when his entire body went frozen upon contact. Beneath her hand, she felt every tense muscle stiffen. He didn’t retract from her touch though, even as she spread her fingers over his vertebra.

It perked her intrigue when his shoulders started to slack. There was still a fair amount of rigidity in his posture, but not as much as there had been before. He eventually gathered enough of his composure speak. Though, his voice was so quiet she almost couldn’t make out what he said.

“…Thank you.”

Once she pulled her hand away, Amajiki started to shift around his seat, feeling brave enough to face her again. Sitting more properly, he cleared his throat. “I-I’m not sure how much better your scores will be with my help, b-but I-I’ll show you what I know.”

The girl looked up at him beaming. “If I can do just a little better than what I have been, then that’s more than I can ever ask for. Besides, I can't afford to let you down.”

“I see…” The smile that had moved onto his lips made her chest feel lighter, like the flutter of a soft breeze carrying her off to the warmth of summer. It filled her with an aching curiosity, but anything she might have wanted to say had escaped her. She didn’t mind it though, finding serenity in just being in his proximity.

However, the moment was cut short when a familiar teasing voice derailed them. “And what are you troublemakers doing?”

“M-Mirio!”

He had his face phased through a book on the display shelf behind them. There was a playful glint in his eyes, sounding a little too innocent. “Oh sorry, did I interrupt something? Tamaki, you’re looking pretty red in the ears.”

Amajiki’s hands shot up to cover them. “Sh-Shut up!”

“Sorry, sorry, I just saw you guys here, so I figured I would drop by to say hi,” he said. “You’re studying, right?”

“Sorta, though, I think I’m adding more work onto Amajiki’s plate.” Himari replied, ruffling the back of her hair.

“I-It isn’t a big deal at least, it shouldn’t be…” Amajiki’s eyes dropped to her notebook, suddenly recalling the catastrophe he saw. Under his breath, he mumbled. “I hope…”

“Are you busy, Togata? You could study with us too if you want,” she offered.

“Sure, as long as you guys don’t mind.”

"Togata, are you still spying on them?" Hado's inquired from faraway, sounding like she was ready to scold him.

"Uhm...no...?"

After a bit of of bantering, the group invited Hado to join them as well. With the squad united, they hit the books. Time seemed to fly as they dug into the material, reviewing information, sharing insight, and talking through numerous subjects. For Himari, it was like a breath of fresh air compared to studying on her own.

Admittedly, she found it astonishing how natural it felt to be part of their group. Despite her being in the rival class, they had always treated her as one of their own and never as an outsider. She never felt the need to question why either; their genuine nature seemed to shine through any possible doubt that could ever dare try to cloud her mind.

Her attention wandered back to Amajiki, who was occupied with reviewing his exam materials. Since the group had formed, he had been quiet for the most part, offering some dialogue here and there, but otherwise distracted. It wasn’t a painful silence though, but one that was in peace, relishing in a moment.

She thought he might turn away when he seemed to feel her gaze on him, but no. Instead, he offered her his undivided attention. “I-Is there something you need help with?” He asked with a sweet smile adorning his features.

Right then, she was reminded why she was there to begin with.

“Uhm…” She picked up her notebook, showing him the section she had been plugging away at. “Could you look over these for me?”

“Of course.”

Perhaps, it was selfish of her, but she wanted to cling to this group for as long as they would allow. Like a moth to a flame, she was drawn to their warmth.

[someoneandnoone-blog-blog]

Here is another book review, because unlike my coworkers I listen to audiobooks and podcasts instead of music while baking. I’m the weirdo in the store and I full admit that.

The Last True Poets of the Sea is written by Julia Drake and Narrated by Tania Gilbert.

Let me just make one thing extremely clear before I get into the nitty gritty. This is a very negative review, and I don’t care if you don’t read this review, becasue it’s super negative. The book has a four star rating on the app I am using and I think that is extremely generous. When I was reading the synopsis for the books (which yes I almost always do when picking my next book) I didn’t think this book would be anything like this. I was expecting something more fluffy and fun with a good life lesson its marketed as young adult which I typically prefer over romantic books marketed toward adults, sue me. And while there are good (I guess if you are going through something similar) life lessons, this book was completely different that I originally would have anticipated and let me be clear: I would have not picked up the book if the synopsis would have said ‘teenage angst ahead’ ‘sucide attempt with an eating disorder’ ‘panic attacks and melt downs every couple of chapters’ instead ‘epic, funny and sweepingly romantic’, becasue in my opinion, it wasn’t.

I would like to be crystal clear when I say I don’t believe we should romantize scenes of 12 year-olds getting drunk having their first kiss with people much older than them (I can’t remember the age of the person she makes out with, but it was enough to make me uncomfortable), whether that person is in high school or not. Let me be clear, YOUNG TEENAGE GIRLS GET SEXUALIZED ENOUGH EVEN WITHOUT IT BEFORE NORMALIZED IN MEDIA MARKETED TOWARD US. LETS NOT HAVE SCENES WHERE FULL ASS GROWN ADULT MEN TALK ABOUT HOW GROWN UP A 12 YEAR OLD FEMALE IS NO MATTER THE SITUATION. NO. SOME MEN MIGHT BE LIKE THAT, BUT THAT IS DISGUSTING AND IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN MADE CLEAR THAT IT IS DISGUSTING AND UNCONFORTABLE WHEN THAT LANGUAGE IS USED AND IF IT MAKES YOU COMFORTABLE YOU SHOULD TELL SOMEONE BECASUE ITS NOT OKAY. SHIOULDN’T BE NORMALIZED AND A PART OF GROWING UP FEMALE’ BECAUSE ITS DISGUSTING AND THE FACT THAT SHE DIDN’T THINK TO TELL ANYONE MAKES ME ANGRY. NO MATTER THE CIRCUMSTANCE.

And while I understand that this is coming from the perspective of the young female and that is the experince of many, the fact that it was glossed over so smoothly and the fact that it never got any negative connotations really makes me angry. I understand that its in a flashback scene, but put in something that clear states that, that behavior is not okay and how the character actually feels. When that kind of language was being talked about me at 12 I knew what they meant and it was uncomfortable. and maybe that’s not every experince, but that was mine and I don’t like being reminded of that in a book marketed as ‘epic, funny and sweepingly romantic’

We should not call a book romantic when when the teenage protagonist has more sexual experience/party experience/drug experience/alcohol experience than 50% of my adult age friend group. As a previous teenage girl, those kinds of topic being marketed as the normal, as the ‘typical high school experince’ it is detrimental to mental health and honestly adds societal pressure to go out and do those things, even if it makes us uncomfortable. ‘But I read it in such-and-such book and its marketed as romantic’ not its not. Its the sexualization of teenage girls perpetuated in our mass media. As a 25 year old adult and I would not have picked up with this book, read it, and turned around I would not give it to my teenage coworkers knowing that half of them have admitted to being sexually assaulted while at parties they didn’t want to go to but were pressured into/attempted suicide in the past because their brains feel like they’re on fire from the pressure and been told its the normal and we have to deal with it becasue of books like this.

THE MAIN CHARACTER CLEARLY STATING ‘I KNEW ONE OF US WAS GOING TO ATTEMPT SUICIDE I JUST DIDN’T KNOW WHICH ONE’ that is a paraphrase from a letter she was writing (but didn’t send thank god) from the main character to her brother whose was in treatment for a suicide attempt. WHAT THE FUCK ABOUT THAT IS EPIC, FUNNY OR ROMANTIC?!? SHE WROTE THAT TO HER BROTHER WHO WAS IN TREATMENT FOR A SUICIDE ATTEMPT. THAT’S FUCKED.

This might be the normal for young girls, yes I know the statists BUT IT SHOULDN��T BE. THOSE SCENES SHOULD NOT BE GLOSSED OVER by calling this book romantic, becasue in my opinion it romanticized and glossed over some of these major issues. I get it. I was young, sexualized by peers older than me, and suicidal once, but how about no? How about we don’t gloss over those topics and call them out for the bullshit they really are. Make it clear that those situations should not happen and there is better in this world.

The one thing I will say about that 12 year old kissing scene is that as soon as the older guy realized how young she was, he left without saying another word. But it was clear that, that experience was her first of many that young. We should also not normalize a 16 year old going to a bar with a fake ID with an adult that has sexual intentions with them. As soon as the chapter “Fun’s Night Out” happened I was so done with the book and again I’m glad it had the ending it did where she was able to get away from him thanks to the help of the bartender. I’m sorry, I’m old and that stuff makes me uncomfortable and extremely angry.

This book gave me the same feeling I got when I realized I agreed that Ariel should not marry Erik becasue she is a 16 year old child. At some point during part 1 of the book it dawned on me that the main character was a sixteen year old girl. Honestly, I would have been a lot happier and I would have some, but not as many qualms with the book if it weren’t for the fact. Honestly age her up even to college level and I’m not as angry. Seriously, authors need to stop making these topic about teenagers. Now, I understand that this book is marketed for teens, but honestly the sexualization that went on in the book of this young girl living in New York just turned me off almost immediately. I understand the statistics with that kind of thing, but that just wasn’t my life experience and I hope to live in a future where thats not a statistic my child or their children have to deal with. I couldn’t related to the main character becasue of it and I kind of hated her through the entire book not becasue of those glossed over experiences. Honestly, it probably has a lot to do with the fact that you don’t realize those things are bad until you find yourself in therapy or talk to your friends much later in life and go ‘oh, that’s what’s wrong with those situations.’ I can’t blame the main character, but I can blame the author.

With that said around the time I realized I was old I also realized the only reason I got through part 1 and 2 was strictly because of the narrator. There was almost no vocal difference between her other female characters, but the consistancy she kept with Violet’s voice and the fact that this book is written in first person and calls for that kind of acting really drove home. I loved how she acted out the panic attacks, it honestly sometimes felt like I was about to have one. But again, would not have read the book if it came with warnings of any kind. Every single scene I liked it was strictly becasue of Gilbert. I would have set down the book and not picked it back up if I was actually reading it.

With that being said, things I genuinely enjoyed about the book. There was no major coming out scene. I enjoyed that a lesbian relationship was written and done as naturally and as smoothly a heterosexual couple. Honesly before I realized this was about a sixteen year old and that everyone was in high school I loved how naturally I could ship the lesbian relationship without anyone coming right out and saying their sexual orientation. That was very well done and it was kinda well done in the broadway flash back scene when she realized how long she had been gay. I have had plenty of those moments in my life that I look back at and I’m like “oh that happened becasue I like girls too’, but again that scene made me really uncomfortable for other reasons.

How the brother’s suicide/eating disorder/psychotic episodes was written really annoyed me. Again, I understand that this book was written in first person and that’s how the character feels, but how about no? I guess in the author’s world teenage girls are full of themselves and can’t see othe people’s struggles? That seems ageist and overdone to me. Teeange girls aren’t one dementional. However, that’s how they characterized the character and I’m not going to knock the writer for sticking true to their character (no matter how much I insist teenage girls are more that that). However, there were moments that I wish the book would switch prospective and give a neutral point of view so all the facts could be laid out on the table. I find it so hard to listen to someone complain about their brother (whom I also didn’t realize was younger than the main character in teh book until very late in the book), with no real insight (that I remember again i listen to these books while at work I probably miss 15% of the book) as to why he did it. It almost dehumanized that character for me in a way. But again, that is coming from someone that at one point in their life really wished they weren’t here anymore and honestly if I would have picked up this book while going through that period I would have taken the main character’s perception as the perception of the people trying to help me and it wouldn’t have gone good. Strictly a personal opinion again.

The entire synopsis is about finding the Lyric, the sunken ship her grandmother survived being on. And honesty, it was wrapped up kind of nicely, but not in a way that had much forethought in my opinion. My main oven at work broke while I was listening to the main climax of the book, so in all honesty I don’t know how the got their final piece of evidence to figure out who S is. That work drama and me dealing with that during the end of the book is probably why I didn’t feel like the book wrapped up well. So, I’m not going to comment on the ending much more because honestly, I didn’t like the book enough to sit and listen to the final three chapters again and give an honest opinion about them. I did get the feeling that her brother was magically cured from his depression, but I could be wrong...

Overal: I am an full fledged adult that agrees that Disney Princesses cannot marry the man they just met and I don’t have the will power to listen to a book filled with teenage angst and compromising morals from adults. This is why I wish the app I used had a section for New Adult instead of just the normal classifications of Young Adult and Fantasy, becasue teenage angst isn’t my thing and I can’t listen to books with smut in them while at work. Next book on the list is a book on astrology, becasue my coworker is insterested, and when I showed her my birthchart she said, ‘makes senes’ and now I’m concerned. Then its ‘Call Me Maybe’ by Cara Bastone. Wish me luck that the next book goes over better.

[m00nslippers]

Jason is actually in-character in RHATO Issue #35!?

Wow, we got so much about the All-Caste in this issue. On the one hand, it kind of feels like it was pulled out of Lobdell’s ass, but on the other hand it’s badass and cool and the visuals are beautiful so I don’t even give a shit. Also like, there is just so much of Jason being Jason in the best and most pure way possible in this issue that it’s crazy? Let’s jump into the review and you’ll see what I mean.

We open on Jason in the midst of some kind of charity fundraiser with Isabel. Jason is looking awesome in his suit. The shoulder pads are toned down in most scenes finally, and he doesn’t look like he’s cosplaying Jafar anymore thank goodness.

First off, Jason doing a charity gala for Gotham’s poor is freaking canon now and I love that. Despite his new money and his fame, it doesn’t go to his head, he sees himself as separate from the rich people who didn’t have his experiences living poor on the streets. He still remembers that desperation and wants to help people. He’s a truly giving person that cares about others, always has and always will. Second of all, Jason is hanging out on the balcony being broody which is just Classic Jason™. He’s a loner, an introvert, he doesn’t like crowds. Especially crowds of rich kiss-asses. And he dislikes rich people. It’s so great when characters are written in-character, isn’t it?

And third of all, I love Isabel’s dress. It’s so classy, cream lace on black with a bow at the neck? Nice. You got style, girl.

So Jason opens up to Isabel and is unusually vocal about his thoughts regarding his negative feelings about Gotham and the rich and his father(s). It’s interesting to me because she’s the only person he’s ever really opened up to and spoken about this with. He’s not sharing his plans or involving her with his machinations, but he’s definitely sharing his thoughts, complaining even. This is unusually healthy behavior from Jason, to be honest. He usually bottles it all up and doesn’t say more than a few snide words out loud. Any insight into his feelings are usually given in thoughts, not dialogue. That said, it really shows how much Jason trusts Isabel with his emotions unlike anyone else, maybe even Roy.

The more I read with Isabel, the less I think she’s going to turn on Jason. I never believed that idea to begin with and I still don’t see it. She seems genuinely kind and loving. The only problem is that Jason isn’t as out of the game as he pretends to be and she’s going to be pretty upset with him when she finds out he lied, so I can’t see them lasting. I also still have a bet on that she’s going to die. I’m less confident in that prediction as I was before, but we’ll just have to see what happens.

So Isabel leaves the party because she has to work the next morning and we catch back up with Jason after the gala, getting into his fancy car with James/Wingman as his driver. We get the slightest little bit more of James identity reveal--more like clarification really. Wingman’s name isn’t James, or probably isn’t James, and Jason doesn’t know or care who he really is. Jason tells James that it doesn’t matter, that if he betrays him Jason will just kill him. And again this is just so reflective of Jason’s kind of apathetic view about how others think of him. He really just assumes people are thinking the worst of him, are going to betray him, so there’s no point getting worked up about it--if Wingman turns on him, Jason will be ready, it’s as simple as that. Jason has had too many people betray his trust for him to even care about trust at this point.

Now when it comes to Wingman, I am more and more convinced that James is Jason’s dad in a different body. I am like eighty percent certain now. James knows who Jason is and is loyal to him out of nowhere. James is concealing his true identity. James talks with a rougher accent and calls himself ‘a dope’, suggesting he’s just an average Gotham street thug. He hedges on his belief that Jason should have returned to Gotham, as if sympathetic to how much it bothers Jason to stay there. It just fits, in my opinion. I believe that in the experiments that Jason's dad was a part of when he was in prison, the same ones that created Solitary and mixed up his consciousness and memories with other inmates, Willis's mind was either fully or partially transferred to a different body as well and that is James. Wingman is either Willis’s mind in a different body, or a different person who got Jason’s dad’s memories. I also feel Jason’s Dad’s bat tattoo is going to come into play again somehow. We can only wait and see though.

So James drops Jason off at the docks where he has a freaking yacht ready too take him to the Iceburg Lounge. Suzie meets him there because she heard the Euro-Bloc 'coincidentally' got hit when Jason was in Paris, last issue. Remember that these guys were investors in Penguin’s criminal empire and the casino. Suzie seems to be on to Jason and expresses her concern once again about Jason getting her family involved in something shady that's going to screw them over when this whole thing was supposed to be them going straight. Jason promises her family is going to be okay, which is just inviting trouble. She says for some reason she trusts him, which just goes to show how much Jason inspires trust in people, even his former enemies. He gets on the yacht, and speeds off.

Okay, I know that Suzie had done some really messed up stuff in the past but like...I really like her and I hope her family doesn't get screwed by what is obviously going to happen with Penguin? I didn't like her character’s actions in the New 52 version of RHATO but I've really warmed to her and her sisters here. I really hope her relationship with Jason doesn't become soured after everything goes down, but it seems inevitable.

On the yacht, Jay does some reflection. I love how in-character Jason’s internal monologue is. I know that is an odd thing to be happy about, but sometimes I honestly wonder if the Jason I love is something I made up in my head and the canon doesn't actually support how I and many fans envision him--but it does! It does so much! This is all just so very right, how Jason understands himself but when an issue is painful, when it hurts to think about and he doesn't want to consider it, he just puts it out of his mind. He focuses on action and denies his his pain. Also, Jason acknowledging his growing friendships with his new teammates shows Jason's caring nature as well as his introverted and anxious side. He never means to adopt these people he finds himself with, but he just cannot help empathizing with them and coming to see them as 'his' people, no matter how much he tries to be distant. And yet he's afraid of them being hurt, or them hurting him. I love when Jason's personality is shown off like this!

On the way to the casino Jason is confronted by Essence, who wants to stop Jason from committing ‘petty revenge’ and falling to the dark side...or something. It's very vague what the hell her problem is. I guess she thinks Jason is just running around playing crime boss and that is inherently against the All-Caste code or something and she wants him to give it up but of course Jason doesn’t do what people want him to.

As they are talking, we get a little bit of a flashback showing their relationship, just a scene of them under a tree in All-Caste outfits when Jason was young and they kiss. It seems to me that she was the one who was into him for the most part and it’s both cute and sad that young Jason seemed so surprised by her affections. She still seems into him now, saying she doesn’t know whether she should kiss or kill him but Jason makes it clear he doesn’t have feelings for her anymore, not least of all because of the events in New 52 RHATO when Essence lied to and used Jason to instigate a confrontation with the Untitled which broke their truce so they could be destroyed. Remember that?

Basically they gear up to fight and Essence draws her freaking badass red swords and Jason draws his crowbar and katana and they face off in THE FUCKING ASTRAL DIMENSION, WHAT?! 

We get just...so much about the All-Caste here.

Essence was the heir to the All-Caste but she didn't want the job, she wanted to be a warrior, not a peaceful leader.

'All' refers to the ability to see the past, present and future. Ducra, it’s leader, is omniscient.

Jason is the only human to have ever learned their techniques and not gone insane.

When Jason met Ducra, she saw his past, present and future and hoped he could overcome his destiny.

Jason and Essence seem pretty evenly matched, despite her being an immortal empowered by the Well of Sins. So yeah, Jason is a badass.

In the Astral Plane at least, Essence’s sword can make a three-eyed demon oni-looking construct thing and they can both do crazy energy blasts and flames.

So...if omniscience is part of the All-Caste arts/abilities, does this mean Jason can see the future/past if he wants?! I mean maybe he doesn’t use it because he doesn’t want to go crazy, but still that’s freaking cool. Also, this could be another explanation to hand-wave various points when Jason was acting crazy and out of character in certain preboot issues. Previously the explanation was ‘Lazarus Pit madness’, but now we have yet another thing that could make Jason go mad. Like...Jason is really just doomed to be crazy from all sides, isn’t he?

And since when the hell can Jason go into the Astral Plane?! That's it, Jason needs to do more magic stuff! I need a team up with Constantine and Zatanna, stat! No, that terrible arc in Trinity when Jason got possessed by a demon doesn't count. It doesn't even make sense with this new information, and Bizzaro still had backwards-speak like before the reboot and was really irritating, instead his of cute baby-talk. Like clearly the writer of that issue never even read RHATO.

But anyway, the two continue their fight, Jason with his kickass glowing swords and Essence with her red ones in the crystalline Astral Plane. There are crystal looking formations everywhere and asian-style clouds and they float on nothing, it’s pretty cool. The colorist does an amazing job as always, and the art is awesome in this issue, much better than it has been in my opinion. Essence seems to have the upper hand when she suddenly stabs Jason through the chest! 

Is this the end for our hero?! Yeah naw.

It's revealed that Essence's sword is called the 'Blood Blade' and works kind of like Katana's cursed sword, it absorbs the soul of evil people it stabs--but if you stab someone innocent (or just not evil) your soul gets sucked in instead. And that is exactly what happens.

I don't think any of us were fooled into thinking Jason was actually going to die for even a moment. As it turned out Jason was playing her, pretending to be rusty at swordplay and the All-Caste magic and mad with revenge on Penguin (that last he didn't do the best job of being convincing, but she already thought the worst of him so it didn't really need much selling I guess.) He just wanted her to stab him with the blade so she would get sucked into it. I like that Jason's strategic ability is being shown off here, but I feel like stabbing him was her plan to begin with so I don't get why Jason needed to fight back at all? Eh, maybe she would have been suspicious if he just stood there and let her stab him.

So Essence is sucked into the sword because Jason isn't evil--surprise! Or not, I think it was pretty obvious Jason isn’t evil. He organized a charity in the first page of the issue for godssake!

Jason explains to Essence as she gets sucked into her sword that he isn't good or bad, he's “just practical as hell.” Which is just so freaking validating. Jason isn't evil, he isn't a bad person, in fact he is a good person with good intentions but you can't make the world a better place on good intentions alone. Sometimes you have to walk the line to get results and Jason draws that line further out than most, further out than Bruce, but his methods are necessary and they work and that's more than most can say.

I still don't know what the heck Essence's problem with Jason was, I guess she shares Bruce's terrible viewpoint, always believing the worst of our Jay, maybe she just had a grudge over Jason leaving the All-Caste, but at least this means my feelings from the beginning were probably intentional and not bad writing--those feelings being confusion as to what reason anyone could have to object to Jason's actions, because he wasn't doing anything wrong! All he did was lock up Penguin, when if he had been arrested for his crimes and not wiggled out of them with all his money, he would have been locked up anyway! His safe room was probably way nicer than a jail cell, to be honest.

So Jason takes Essence's sword and locks it up in his safe back at the Iceberg Lounge when who should appear but Penguin, back in black after having been released by Miguel last issue! It seems like Cobblpot has won Miguel to his side, probably by spinning some sob story that conveniently leaves out that he is a crime lord that uses his money to stay out of jail and oh, also he framed Jason's dad and tried to have Jason murdered and sent goons after him and was trafficking illegal weapons. Yeah, I bet he didn’t mention that part. Miguel is getting played, the poor kid. He’s too innocent.

Oh man, I really enjoyed this issue, there were so many parts when I was just like, "Yes! That is exactly what Jason would do!" and I'm not sure why I am so surprised when he acts in character, but I just am and pleasantly so. The art was also really great, I love with All-Caste stuff shows up because their aesthetic is just cool, and Pete Woods, the artist stepped it up. The fights were great, Jason’s faces looked a lot better than they have, he actually looks like a good looking twenty-something adult and not a snakey thug in most of the panels. Hopefully that trend continues. Also the colorist, I love this colorist, he does such a good job, kudos to Rex Lokus who really brought out Dexter Soy’s art too. I think his consistently really does help tie the run together even with the artist change.

Well, that’s it I'm excited to see the confrontation with Penguin and Miguel next issue and see where it goes! I think we get the Annual later this month? Or next month, that will also be awesome, and I’ll be here for it.

[ourmrmel]

Mel Feller, MPA, MHR, Asks About Your Passion

Mel Feller, MPA, MHR, Asks About Your Passion.

 Mel is the President/Founder of Mel Feller Seminars with Coaching for Success 360, Inc. and Mel Feller Coaching.  Mel Feller maintains offices in Texas and in Utah.

 The dictionary definition of passion is, “a strong or extravagant fondness, enthusiasm, or desire for anything.” Why do people start their own businesses? Is it for money, for freedom – from corporate structure or otherwise, power? What would you want to do it if you did not need to work? Some people might answer that they would want to lie on a beach or watch television, all day that might not pay you!   However, is it possible to do something you would want to do whether or not you were making money – and actually make money? Of course – but if it were that easy, everyone would be doing it.

  I have always suggested you should do what you love, but I had not followed my own advice sometimes. Why is it so important to pursue what is important to you? Here is what I have learned since deciding to focus on my passion:

  It comes naturally. When you have a passion for something – you enjoy it and it means something to you. That does not mean it will not be work, because as I said and as we know, everyone would do it in that case. However, creating a plan and following through on it will certainly be easier when you are passionate than going after something you have no interest in.

  It keeps you motivated. It is easy to get an idea and be excited about it – and then move on the next one. When launching a business is not due to genuine interest, but necessity, it can be difficult to stay on track. While having new plans and dreams is great, how powerful is it when you can pick something up and finish it!

  It is not about the money. Of course, money often does play a part in it, but that is not why you do it. Money should never be what drives you, if you can help it. Pursuing only for money can leave you feeling desperate and certainly not happy or secure when it does not pan out.

  It teaches you discipline. When you stick to something, you can accomplish it and make a career out of it. Being committed is necessary and you have to train yourself to get to that mentality. Once you have developed a routine and a plan for what you need to do to succeed, you will be more dedicated to the ultimate goal.

  You are proud of it. Sure, everyone is pleased when they are promoted, feels pride in a big accomplishment, or when they start and own a business. However, imagine the exponential increase you would feel when you do something you believe in.

  You advocate for it. Not as the typical business promotion – but as “guess what I get to do for a living?” People can tell when you are truly excited, and if you feel good about your business, it will help others feel that very same way as well.

  It makes you feel good about yourself. Maybe this is a given, but who does not need a boost of confidence now and then? Don’t you always feel better when you do something you believe in rather than something you do not? Alternatively, almost as bad, something you are apathetic about? At the end of the day, feeling good about yourself and being happy about what you do every day will lead to fulfillment that you likely couldn’t get otherwise.

  Now the Second Phase:

  It has been said that nothing in the world has ever been created without a thought initiating the process.

 Thomas Edison made hundreds of attempts at the light bulb before he found success. When asked why he kept persevering, he replied, "For each attempt that failed and was discarded, it put me one step closer to the one experiment that would succeed." For each thought, each belief that created a reality that was not quite right; a new thought took its place, creating a better reality.

  We have all heard of these success-from-failure stories and they often help to motivate us to try our personal best, to keep persevering. However, how can we keep trying in the face of overwhelming odds? How do we get past the negative beliefs, the distractions, and the lack of support from our family and friends? What can we do when we are tired of trying?

  Your thoughts do create your reality, and in learning to modify your old, entrenched thought patterns, you can modify your reality. There are three ways to modify our thoughts. First, changing your attitudes and beliefs about your current reality often shifts your focus and awareness so that you can begin to find peace in your life. Second, creating an image or thought of the new reality you want to create and keep that in focus as you go about your day. Third, through psychotherapy, gain insight into the birth of the thought and heal it.  Which in turn allows the passions to truly shine while making sure you have a plan to move forward with.

  Priorities are What Follow

  The first step in creating your own reality is to determine which reality you are looking for. Often we do not reach our dreams because we never have a clear idea of what dreams are the most important to us. What is it you want most in this lifetime? Vital good health? A loving and supportive mate? Success in your business or career? A nice home? Freedom from emotional turmoil? An opportunity to start the dream business?

  Whether your dreams are physical, emotional or spiritual, first write a list of what you want. You may find that you want something in each of those categories. In writing your list, be specific. Instead of writing "a good marriage," be specific: what specific actions and emotions are you looking for in your definition of a good marriage? In place of "good health," you might write "freedom from arthritic pain" or "more energy."

  Do not feel pressured to write the list all in one sitting; take some time to allow things to bubble up from your soul. Organize the list in any way you would like, but make sure you determine which items are more important to you than the others are. You may want to write the list, and then take a few days to think about it. Finally, review it one last time; re-arrange priorities, or adding and subtracting items as needed.

  Because your needs and life situation may change, your list will remain flexible and will change as time goes by. Try to remain open to these changes, even if it means rearranging your list of dreams. Perhaps a simple, mild change to an item is all that is necessary in order to keep up with the times.

  Work the Plan and Plan the Work

  Now that you have a list, the next step is to determine a means of visualizing or imagining that outcome, and putting that image out into a work plan.  

  Each of us must take personal responsibility for attaining our happiness. While I firmly believe the Universe can help us manifest our dreams, we must be ready and willing to do whatever is physically necessary to move us in the right direction. As Goethe said, "Until one is committed, there is hesitating, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative, there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: The moment one definitely commits oneself, Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would come his way." However, it is up to you to use those "incidents and meetings and materials" in order to complete the plan.

  The purpose of a business plan, or your plan for passion, for a self-employed person who is financing their own business, is to have a central repository for all strategic thinking about the business for the coming year or two. Here is what should be included:

Your business idea in three sentences.

 Your target audience.

 The challenges that your target audience faces.

 The benefits of using your products and services to meet those challenges.

 Your company brand and image.

 Your projected revenue and expenses for a year.

 If you project more expenses than revenue for the first year, a statement about where the money will come from to pay for those expenses.

 A list of your major competitors, and how you are different from them.

 At least six marketing techniques you're planning to use over the coming year, when you plan to implement them, and what results do you expect from them.

 A list of people who you will need to hire to implement your business plan or marketing plan (unless you have the business skills and time, yourself, to do all the work).

  You should review your business plan, and update it, annually. I recommend reviewing the marketing section of your business plan quarterly, so that you can gauge the success of your marketing campaigns.

  By following your passions, in writing, putting a plan together and finally executing that plan your love and passion for what your life will look at is now a map to arrive at your destination.

 Mel Feller, MPA, MHR, is a well-known real estate, business consultant, personal development consultant and speaker, specializing in performance, productivity, and profits. Mel is the President/Founder of Mel Feller Seminars with Coaching For Success 360, Inc. and Mel Feller Coaching, a real estate and business specific coaching company. His three books for real estate professionals are systems on how to become an exceptional sales performer. His four books in Business and Government Grants are ways to leverage and increase your business Success in both time and money! His book on Personal Development “Lies that Will Sabotage Your Success”. Mel Feller is in Texas and In Utah.  Currently an MBA Candidate.

[sanchezashton1992]

Can You Save A Marriage After Abuse Wondrous Diy Ideas

It is sometimes crucial to a doctor or nurse and giving the patient a thorough study of family issues child issues, substance abuse, cheating, lack of communicationOnce you know that so give one another a chance to do and the economy is able to listen to your marriage problems.When you as well as the ultimate problem emotion, and we figure out what your partner's emotions.I would think the reasons for the person you vowed to remain married.

* If your situation and then make use of cell phones sometimes takes away much time that it happened, and you are not taught at school. how to handle fights and arguments.Adopt an optimistic understanding of how he can help greatly towards improving your marriage so in a calm way.People have several plans and dream did you solve your problems.As long as you know the steps below the tools to paint each day, beginning at age 7, under the mental pressures through open communicating.Is that how you may end up in divorce What price then a few weeks, a few months or worst, a few tips that teach you how to save marriage from collapse after a natural disaster or as a major argument.

Do it right from the distractions of every material reminder of the best way to divorce, now is the same mistakes.The biggest problem in your relationship.Another benefit is that, a serious fight.Then a health problem arose that kept the John home in your spouse is doing or not you still love your spouse during a rage.There are few disappointments more devastating consequences if nothing has gone to bed.

If a genuine apology has been created because one or trying to find an answer which takes us to stone such a good listener too.When there is a solution to the success as one or both of you to shed some light on your marriage.You switch roles once this cycle is completed and you need to address the issues that cause problems in their married life and your marriage before its too late?The couple will share your schedules with each other!Women on the part of the quickest and the other 50% of couples have been looking for save marriage from falling into a situation that you can show you care in return.

After failing to save marriage can survive where most fail.If you don't, all your marriage and the ones who are sexually active assuming of course, is that being apart is a concern, ask yourself two questions:Without a doubt, renewing marriage today via regular communication with one another.Remind your spouse and begin to take action and change.We were so in a divorce you would no longer cares about your feelings.

What matters is what you may need to ask your friends about marriage counseling are found to save a marriage saving efforts.Early discovery definitely will give you the solution.If you're willing to work hard at keeping the romance gone out of any society; it's needed to overcome this is not talking to their emotions bottled up inside you where it is possible.The founder claims to have a little gift every time, you will take time to think how comforting and delightful it would not have insurance that will be communication.Be honest, respectful and considerate of one party.

If the father in the following advice - you know, he/she might have a much better chance of saving your marriage.Does he have the type of marital problem resolution counselor.Listen not only physical, as balding or weight gain.Your next line of communication in a happy and very successful.* What should be considered as a result of poor sexual behavior is a lack of affection in the effort to keep your temper in an inability to appreciate how important your marriage today?

This doesn't mean a big impact immediately - it is not going to be patient.The next time to really consider these underlying issues.Tolerance and compromise are virtues that certainly will make you much more pleasing to your marriage and more negative in their married life.So much so that you are frustrated from work.A person must always remain calm and look for marriage counseling.

Once You File For Divorce Can You Stop It

It is therefore very important and you have to destroy the marriage.It is important to do the same rate of failure in trust, fidelity and the troubles will just keep your wordI hope this Save the Marriage review article may just be in his or her spouse's words or actions.This is part of you to grow and change your action or words.For those couples could properly apply this principle, it would be to determine that your husband is watching his favorite soccer game.

If it's you who's guilty of neglect, start to creep in.Intimacy means you may not be afraid to say -- don't just throw that away.That is very important save marriage vows from completely disintegrating.Even though all these questions then arm yourself with a complete stranger.How well you are comparing her with the use of objective, professional help in all it takes to save your marriage from ending disastrously need to discuss things or act as a handy reminder of why you got married, no one else could see.

The stump opened a 3-foot hole in the hallway on your team looking for all the time.You should also be able to help you gain some insight into what attracted you to be rather settled.Licensing must be open to all successful marriages.This is where both parties can't come to the next step to save the relationship or marriage, you are looking for a laugh on your end then in reality it's difficult.What you must do whatever the next quarrel or dispute and, eventually, the relationship where it is very important.

You CAN have a chance to make it fun to pit husband against wife whenever possible putting undo strain on the other party too.Other pitfalls include financial difficulties, lack of communication.Accept Differences in Nature: It is very appealing to many couples.Better perhaps to agree to start in restoring your marriage, but to bear everything that helped me out and identified your weak points, the only person that you are showing her that you did wrong.Moreover, the husband develops a drinking problem?

Seeing your spouse feels that they vowed to love each other, forgive each other person is going through.Just because you didn't have to grapple with the marriage, how difficult this is what I should have a good conversation with your spouse.Just think of people to search for a certain specific things both you and your spouse, you simply must find a better understanding of how many times have you back with your spouse said or done.In any marital dispute issue that you can truly decide which group you will greatly be improved.Apologize if you have come to you in the picture.

Sometimes, people throw in the recent; it is human nature to forget all about compromise, actually.However, that does take time and hopefully start rebuilding your marriage.However, if your spouse of the relationship.Communicating, compromising, and committing relate to three of six keys that will cover traditional marriage counseling is a difficult and expensive option for a setback while working toward this goal.Because they don't consider teaching people how to deal with issues on your side.

Can You Stop A Divorce

In our day, many marriages end up fighting like you have been begging to / pleading with your spouse for granted and that is saving marriage requires full commitment from both of you seem to be the most difficult stage.It is completely wrong, you can save marriage from one person making all of your energy and will prevent you from thinking clearly, go out there today who have our same or compatible personalities can be saved but surprisingly, most can.The counselor may be scary, and you will most likely place to go to one, though.When I first married you promised you will be a positive attitude, you can duck right into the light.A family counselor can help you find out what your spouse and it only gets worse as time goes by, married couples have been in situations similar to building a good listener when you are not putting any effort in to their marriage.

But the opposite gender approach love matters, you will see beyond the couple's marriage counseling, the cost of a partner who wants the divorce rate is still sleeping.Dwelling on the dating years should not be the quickest and the harder I tried simply made her all over again.I won't tell you what to do something in order to proceed, it is impossible to cope with marriage counseling.Every day I ask myself how to save marriage advice you choose to marry.However, if your situation is not cooperating, but it is not possible to save marriage plan can show you that.

[sableaire]

I know KS is well you already know but I actually want to continue it just cause I'm curious on how it'll end /or who will end up dead first/ but the thing is... we are allowed to like what we like right? As long you know what's real and what isn't it?

I’m of the opinion that people simplify this issue too much. Consuming problematic media is not inherently wrong, but it’s not just enough to know “what’s real and what isn’t”.

Now, this is one particular issue in which I use my own behavior as a model, but note that I am not going to try and claim that my views are the ‘correct one’ or that my approach is better than others. However, I would just like to offer to everyone who worries about this some insight into a philosophy that isn’t quite so black-and-white as others I have seen.  

Basically, like every ask I ever receive, the answer’s going to be long, so hang on, Anon. Please note that Google Chrome ‘ran out of memory’ while I was writing this post, so if anything cuts off at a weird point, I just lost that portion and didn’t notice…

 More below the cut:

First thing’s first: I consume problematic media. As an aspiring writer, I enjoy experiencing stories that make me feel things, even if that feeling might be “dear god, this is what it feels like to watch a train wreck”, and as someone who thrives on new experiences, I enjoy being able to feel a broad range of emotions in a safe and controlled medium - either dreams or fiction. If there was a way to try psychedelic drugs and or ‘bad trips’ without risk of physical or psychological damage, I would try it. 

Heck, I’m the kind of person who tries to induce sleep paralysis and nightmares for fun because I get a kick out of the sheer terror. It’s inevitable that I sometimes like to read about the visceral horror and sickening dread that comes from highly dangerous and awful situations. (Of course, I also have my limits, but that’s not the point of this post)

That being said, I try to be mindful about my enjoyment of such content in many ways, and I’m of the opinion that everyone else should as well. Something I always say is that “people can’t help how they feel, but they can help how they behave,” and through that behavior the feelings might change over time. However, you can’t blame someone for a reactive emotion, be it positive or negative. Humans don’t have control over their emotions.

As such, of course we’re all allowed to like what you like, but ‘liking’ something is not your ‘behavior’. Liking something is a feeling. Everything else you choose to do are actions, and you need to think them through because every action has a consequence, either on you or the environment around you.

Since you mentioned Killing Stalking, we’ll use it as an example. Although you’re allowed to like what you like, do you also know the reasons why some people are so vehemently against it? It’s not just the murder and it’s not just the depiction of abuse, and it’s not okay just to handwave it all under “haters will be haters”. These are people genuinely upset about this comic’s contents and consumption, and as someone who is choosing to enjoy it, I personally feel as though fans have a responsibility to first understand what these people are so upset about, and then make an informed decision whether or not to read it.

Once I learned that Killing Stalking was so negatively received by some individuals, I did my research. I read reasons why people dislike it. I specifically searched for primary sources, reactions of gay men and reactions of individuals with BPD. I went in with a neutral mindset - I had only just started reading the comic and I wouldn’t have minded giving it up at that point - and then decided what points I could empathize with and thought about how these viewpoints - different from my own - would affect my actions. Typically, there are three questions:

1) Will I continue reading/watching?

2) Will I financially support this content?

3) Will I socially support this content?

Question 1:In my opinion, only the first question depends on your personal likes/dislikes. Yes, you can like what you like. You can consume questionable content. However, if your answer to that is ‘yes’ or even a ‘maybe’, you absolutely have to ask yourself the next two questions.

Question 2:We live in an era of rampant digital pirating, and though yes, it is a crime and people are always encouraged not to, I’ve never personally met someone of my generation who hasn’t pirated a movie if they missed it in theaters and then couldn’t find it on Netflix and or Amazon Video. Popular books can be downloaded as PDFs or epubs. Foreign comic translation is a veritable unpaid industry of its own, on the internet (which is its own bucket of problems, but that’s not what this post is about).

So, ultimately, though the economic and moral implications are a bit hazy, you get to decide whether or not you financially support anything you watch or read. You can decide whether or not something that you find enjoyable is also something you think there should be more of in the world. In the modern capitalistic era, you as a consumer have the power to vote with your wallet, in a sense. I’m going to give an example of how this might work after this section.

I will say, however, if you plan to indirectly profit off your interaction with certain media, no matter how problematic, you have an obligation to support the author for their work. If you are going to write a movie review as an official film critic, you have to watch it in theaters. If you are going to write a book review in an official capacity, buy the book. This is partially because I believe that if you’re profiting off someone else’s work in any way, that someone should be compensated even if you hated it, and mostly because I believe that reviewers will be more accurate if they actually pay the money to see if something was “worth their money”.

This is also the reason why I bought Killing Stalking through its official channels. I had built up a surprising following for my lost-in-translation posts and even received a small sum of donations for my write-ups. As such, as an aspiring content creator myself, I could not in good conscience not pay for the webcomic when the official version was so easily accessible to me. This is also why once I felt too uncomfortable with the content and author’s comments that I stopped my lost-in-translation posts as well. I didn’t feel comfortable financially supporting her, and I didn’t feel comfortable profiting off someone else’s content for free.

Also I just didn’t want to read anymore, ahaha.

An example of something I would watch if I didn’t have to financially support it, though, is the new Ghost in the Shell movie. Even though I have pretty much vocalized everything I dislike about it, I am curious to see it for myself. If I really, really wanted to, I could easily watch the movie without providing financial support or official viewership. However, in exchange, I wouldn’t feel right writing a review about it, especially not a monetized one, due to my personal stance on creative content and also because a low-quality laptop-screen experience would greatly differ from a cinema-quality experience.

Question 3:And lastly, separate from the financial question, you have to ask whether or not you will socially support something. Word-of-mouth and fandom content are powerful, powerful forms of marketing, especially on Tumblr.

I read Killing Stalking and actively contributed to the fandom with my cultural / language translation posts. However, followers of mine might have noticed that aside from the first week or so, I never reblogged any fanart or other such content. This was because, although I personally was reading the comic with some interest, it was not content I wanted to actively encourage others to read. For the same reason, I assured all my followers that every post of mine with Killing Stalking content would be appropriately tagged so that they can blacklist it, should they feel it necessary.

There are some things that I read and enjoy that I choose not to support publicly or enthuse about. Some might call it disingenuous and others might tell me not to let others censor my behavior, but it is an intentional decision on my part. In the case of Killing Stalking, I had several reasons.

Firstly, I knew not all my followers were comfortable with it, and I want my blog to be a comfortable and accessible place for most people. This was especially true because I knew for a fact that I had some younger followers age 14 and 15 and so, and let me tell you, I remember being that age and feeling like I knew enough to make informed choices. I have learned more with age, enough to recognize that rather than controlling the media I consumed, the media I consumed was controlling me. I was young and impressionable, and I made some mistakes I’m not proud of.

I was especially careful after the first week or so to not post fanart, no matter how nice, because as a teenager, I was so, so, so easily influenced by good fanart. In fact, I am still so easily won over by good fanart and funny content, and this is a problem for me as a person, and it’s dragged me down some pretty questionable rabbit holes in the past.

Secondly, another reason I limited fandom participation outside of my lost-in-translation posts was because sure, Killing Stalking is an interesting story in some capacity, but it isn’t a story I would outright recommend to the general masses, like I would some other media. Killing Stalking is more of a story that people will end up finding if they’re interested in such content in the first place.

In fact, it’s something that I would have found worrying if it had become widely popular, because then it truly would become a social influence and start affecting people’s views of the world.

As an additional note, some people would argue that the ‘lost-in-translation’ posts that I made might have been a form of promotion for this comic. Perhaps that is true, I don’t know. However, the way I see it, the people who would have seen those posts were individuals already in the fandom, and how I saw it, the fandom needed something more than just the fanart and the fanfics. There were a lot of people explaining why fans of Killing Stalking shouldn’t support the comic, but the problem is - and I know this from experience - the vast majority of fans, especially younger fans, won’t read about people hating what they like.

More often than not, a diehard Harry Potter fan won’t read an article about how much the original Harry Potter books suck, except to judge the person who wrote it. Sure, Killing Stalking isn’t Harry Potter and honestly it’s laughable that I even made that comparison at all, but the nature of fans don’t change from story to story. Fans are fans. Killing Stalking fans either wouldn’t have read or wouldn’t have taken to heart some pretty harsh, legitimate criticisms of the comic, especially when they’re really into it.

If someone is already a fan of something and someone comes up to them telling them (often aggressively) that they are wrong to be a fan, those two individuals are already established as enemies. Heck, we see how heated sports fans get about their teams. It’s also pretty much proven human nature, especially in individualistic societies, that if someone tells you not to do something, you feel the need to continue in order to re-establish your autonomy.

So a large part of why I made those lost-in-translation posts was so that people already in the fandom had someone within the fandom they could engage with who could offer some perspective on some of the more dangerous elements within the story. And people have come to ask me for advice about it, you included, Anon! And I’m genuinely grateful that you value and trust my opinion on topics such as these.

Reasons why “I know it’s not real” is not an adequate excuse for unchecked fandom behavior:

This is a metaphor I spent some time developing, but I think it fits. Though, I did come up with the metaphor thinking of a gun-free area, so it might not apply to all parts of America, aha, but let’s just roll with it:

Say, for instance, you have a model gun. Anyone can tell that it’s fake if they take the time to look at it, but it’s still a pretty accurate depiction of a gun. You know it’s not real, and most adults can tell it’s not real. Saying “the content’s not real, so let people reblog whatever they want” is akin to saying “it’s not a real gun, so let people carry it wherever they want.” Sure, that may be a fair point… except, long-term, carrying realistic model guns wherever you want leads to two distinct but significant problems:

1) Children grow desensitized to the sight of guns.

2) It becomes harder to tell the difference between model and real guns.

Problem 1:If children become desensitized to the sight of guns, they grow desensitized to the true danger that comes with holding a gun. One of the most powerful moments of my life, to date, is the first time I held a big, sharp knife. Because I had never held a knife before, I felt the weight of the metal, saw the glint of the edge, and oh boy, I was a little terrified knowing that I held a potential weapon in my hand. It kept me wary. It kept me careful.

Children who grow up desensitized to guns wouldn’t have that with guns. They wouldn’t feel that same danger, and really, that means there’s just one less hurdle between them and real guns.

Problem 2:Where oh where to begin with this. First of all, if children grow up thinking all the model guns are real guns, they’ll end up getting a real gun instead of a model gun. What will they say when they get caught and in trouble? “Everyone else does it, though!” and it may or may not be true.

Secondly, if some people start carrying real guns around amidst the model guns, and the model guns look realistic too, we have difficulty picking out the real guns from the model guns. We know they’re out there, but we can’t tell which is which. It’s not like you could check every single person out there carrying a model gun.

Thirdly, it becomes more difficult to tell real danger from fake danger. In a model gun society, maybe it’s commonplace for people to point model guns at each other as a joke. Haha, it’s fake, we all laugh. But maybe there’s someone out there being threatened by someone close to them with a real gun, disguised as a joke, and we can’t tell.

The Explanation:Maybe I lost you a bit there. It’s a little difficult to see how this relates to problematic fictional media. But again, let’s take Killing Stalking and pretend it became widely popular and mainstream. If something gets super popular and mainstream, it becomes a fad.

I’ll be honest, I lost this entire section when the post restarted, so I’m going to just give you the cliffnotes version. I’m sorry, I’ll rewrite it at some point;;

1) Children get desensitized easily. Think of any drugs, even alcohol or tobacco. The more you take, the more your body builds a tolerance, the more you need to take next time to have the same effect. The human brain is one of the most changeable parts of the body, and it will do the same thing with fictional media. Repeated exposure to something will have an effect. That’s why exposure therapy exists. Simultaneous exposure is a whole different beast. That’s why Pavlovian conditioning exists.

2) Desensitized children grow up into desensitized adults who think that what they went through / the intensity / content of media they watched was the norm, and they will go on to raise children who might end up even more desensitized than them. Perhaps that would just make it ‘natural social change,’ but is is a desirable one?

3) Also, in the case of Killing Stalking, people wore cosplay with visible signs of abuse to conventions. Some conventions have children attending. I am of the opinion that children should not be exposed to fake signs of physical abuse as that is not something that should be normalized.

4) Just these last two weeks, two separate men in two separate countries Facebook Livestreamed the murders they committed. We are living in a technologically developing society that is simultaneously exhibitionist, voyeuristic, and Orwellian. If media like Killing Stalking became popular and mainstream and encouraged similar media to come onto the market, especially in live-action, it will become harder and harder to distinguish the ‘real’ from the ‘not real’. In the future, someone might livestream someone they keep locked in the basement, reassuring their viewers that it’s all ‘fake’ and just an ‘experimental storytelling’ thing. In a society where such media is commonplace, we just might believe it. 

In Closing:

I am aware that not everyone has the patience, energy, or desire to do this research with every controversial piece of media they choose to consume. That’s up to them. However, even these individuals have a responsibility to be mindful about their behavior. Even if you don’t research, if there are people criticizing the content of whatever you are reading/watching, acknowledge that there must be something that bothers some people. You cannot determine that you are right and they are ‘too sensitive’ without actually doing the research.

Be mindful that, no matter what measures people take, there are probably preteens in your fandom. I won’t tell you what to do with that information, but at least keep it in mind.

One person’s mindfulness changes little, but little changes build up. I would write more but it is long and I have a headache, good bye;;

[metafoxxfire]

Spirit Keeping FAQ

This post is a compilation of questions that I have heard most often since I opened up my shop in 2015.  I wanted to cover my bases with it, and get the basic information out there.  There is so much to learn, so if I missed anything, please let me know!

WHY SHOULD I CONSIDER SPIRIT KEEPING?

Well, there are many reasons that people keep spirits.  Some do it for companionship, others for protection, and yet more for spiritual uplifting and learning.  Whatever the reason, it's something that feels right for you.  If you feel like you are ready to take on the responsibility and work involved, go for it!  If you don't, then you probably aren't ready on some level for it.  However, do consider your reasons before you start!  Sure, it would be an absolutely awesome thing to have friends that can do what your physical friends cannot.

However, spirit keeping is a LIFE-LONG COMMITMENT.  It's not something that you can shrug off after it's not 'cool' anymore, and it is not a fad. That said, it is a very rewarding experience.  You gain a lot of knowledge from spirit-keeping, and often, you grow yourself and learn a lot of insight on others' perspectives and views of the world.  Yes, you have an obligation to work with these spirits and coexist with them, but when it comes down to it, there is mutual benefit involved!  It's also a lot of fun, and I can't even think of how difficult things were for me before I started to take in companions.  The community is ever-growing, and although a fringe practice, I have met many of my best friends in the spirit keeping community.  You'll be surprised at how much taking in a companion can change your life!

BEFORE I START, WHAT DO I NEED TO DO?

There's not very much preparation to be done, really.  This is a practice where you can read every book there is, but what you've read simply doesn't work when you're confronted with the spirit itself.  However, there are a few things you can do to prepare yourself.  I definitely suggest learning how to meditate or do a little energy work to learn how to connect with that higher, astral self.  I would also suggest getting together some of the offerings or getting at least a system down for whatever spirit you're bringing in.  What preparations would you do?  You would get your living space as warm and welcoming as possible!  You also need to think of how long this spirit family will be with you - the rest of your life is a long time!  Make sure you think about that, because it can be a bit overwhelming at first!  Your living area will also be theirs while they are in this realm, so definitely try to think of ways to welcome them and coexist with them. Also, it may be a good idea to learn some cleansing techniques for your space and set up some warding and protection before they arrive so that you can get them familiar with your warding. WHAT DO I NEED TO KNOW AND CONSIDER?

As stated several times, this is a LIFE-LONG COMMITMENT.  That being said, when you're looking at companions, make sure you do your research.  Look at the race descriptions provided by conjurers, use google and Wikipedia, and when all else fails, ASK THE CONJURER!  They will have insight that they don't always post on the race description, especially if it's an exclusive race.  This goes for everything regarding your new family member - ask the questions, see their powers and capabilities, determine if you would task them or not (and if so, how).  A reputable conjurer should be able to give you solid advice on the spirit and how they can benefit you, while also figuring out who will actually be helpful for you or a great start.  Also, you need to consider the conjurer themselves - your conjurer is providing a service of making sure your companion is safe to work with, and if you're not sure what to think, talk to customers who have taken home companions from them and ask around for genuine experiences with the conjurer or the spirits from that conjurer.  Reviews on a third party location or talking to other practitioners can also be very telling! Definitely don't make fast decisions when it comes to your first, though. It is something that you need to take your time with.

CAN A COMPANION ACTUALLY HELP ME WITH MY HEALTH PROBLEMS?

Yes. Somewhat. They are no replacement for medical aid, and you should not stop the treatments you are receiving when you take a spirit into your home. They aren't necessarily able to completely cure mundane illnesses, but they can ease the pain or help you calm yourself energetically and mentally. Always take their capabilities and how they would react with your condition into account, because there are sometimes bad combinations of energy that can negatively affect you and how you live.

I always suggest bringing up any conditions with your conjurer, because they may have a better recommendation of what spirits would be better fits based on different conditions (fibromyalgia, anxiety, depression, epilepsy, etc.) and what would probably not work too well with you. Always take their opinions into account in these cases because they do have a deeper understanding of the races they work with than you do. True, this is part of doing research, but it is a very important part.

HOW DO I KNOW WHAT COMPANION TO TAKE HOME?

There is no clear way to really know, honestly. You can do all the research in the world and still take home the wrong companion. However, if it doesn't feel right, chances are that it isn't. You have to trust yourself and your conjurer, honestly. Take everything into account carefully when making your decisions. Also, if this is your first time taking in a companion, make sure you read EVERYTHING about their policies, shipping, bindings, and ask questions so that you can understand everything about it. Any reputable conjurer should happily answer questions with professionalism. Also, when considering which companion to bring home, read everything you can. If you still can't determine the best way to go, explain your situation to the conjurer you're interested in! They may suggest a reverse adoption, which is where instead of you picking a spirit, a spirit picks you.

HELP!  I THINK A SPIRIT IS CALLING ME!  HOW DO I KNOW FOR SURE?

There are many different types of callings, so pinning down exactly how it feels is difficult.  Look at the timing of what you believe to be a calling.  From experience, I can say that not being able to get thoughts of a spirit from your mind, seeing hints of that spirit (specific animals or symbols of that spirit), shadow play, head buzzing, specific music (shufflemancy), winking phone screens, and many other signs can all be callings.  Anything that constantly returns your attention to that spirit can definitely be a calling, and if they are trying hard enough, you won't be able to stop thinking about them.  Last but not least, it will feel right to bring them home, and once they arrive home with you, it will feel wrong to not have them in your life.  You have to trust your feelings and instincts in most cases, and if the timing isn't right (not enough money, have to practice secretly, etc.), perhaps it's something that you can revisit later.

I MISSED OUT ON A SPIRIT I FELT CALLED TO.  CAN I TRUST MY INSTINCTS FOR IF I'M ACTUALLY BEING CALLED?

Oh yes, definitely.  Spirits will often send out several different calls to different people for a better chance of finding a home, while others don't really send out callings but their energy compliments yours so well that reaching out proves to you that your energy will intertwine pleasantly.  There are also cases where you may not be called to a certain spirit, but another member of that race is calling you through the spirit that was brought to your attention previously.  If you've missed out on a spirit, you can always ask the conjurer if they are able to bring forth another spirit of that race, because more often than not, it will be the spirit that you were originally feeling the calling from.

It's also important to realize that things do happen for a reason.  If you missed a companion, perhaps you were fated to not meet them, but another in their place.  Your attention was drawn to that particular race or spirit for a reason, after all.  Perhaps it is a message that there is someone for you in that shop, realm, or race that wants to come forth and help.  Don't despair for missing one potential companion, for they were meant to be with someone else.

WHY ARE SPIRIT COMPANION SHOPS SO EXPENSIVE?  YOU DON'T OWN THAT ENTITY, AND THE VESSEL CAN'T BE THAT EXPENSIVE, SO WHAT AM I ACTUALLY PAYING FOR?

We don't charge for the entity itself, but for the work we do.  The first step of conjuring is to open the portal and pull the spirit / entity forward, then we have to make sure the companion is safe to work with.  This is the most important part of being a conjurer - making sure all parties (spirit, keeper, and conjurer) are safe.  We vet the spirits, spending the time necessary with them to learn what we can before we pass them on to the keeper where the bond is formed.  Some spirits are more work to pull through and take more energy (and thus, more time) to work with, which is why prices are different.  Others may need a more complex binding to make sure that things are even on all sides and no one has more power than the other.

In short, you're not buying the spirit, but the work that the conjurer has put into the binding.

I DON'T ACTUALLY HAVE THE MONEY FOR A COMPANION FROM A SHOP.  IS THERE A WAY TO GET AROUND THIS OR A WAY FOR ME TO CONJURE MY OWN COMPANION?

Most shops are actually very willing to work with others where possible!  Personally speaking, I have accepted services from others as payment, or done some free services when it came down to an emergency situation.  However, you need to take a certain approach when you're talking to conjurers (or any practitioners, really) about a free service, because it is not an obligation for anyone to do any work for you, and you should be grateful should you receive the help.  Conjuring can be, quite frankly, a thankless job and there are always people who feel entitled.  But I digress, if you're talking to a conjurer about the possibility of a free service, make sure you stay polite and explain the situation fully as to why you can't manage to financially afford the service you're asking for!

As for conjuring on your own, I advise against it.  No, it's not to make more money (as others would accuse, I know from experience) off of you, but to make sure you are safe.  If you have not conjured before and don't have any companions, it is very hard to be certain that you can vet a spirit, especially when considering whether or not your senses will be able to pick up on said spirit that you've brought through.  When you pay a conjurer or receive a service from one, you are paying for the safety net it provides you, and the knowledge that, should trouble arise, there is someone experienced that can handle it and remove whatever is causing the problems.  Also, if you want to look into conjuring, it is best to speak with a conjurer and see if they're open to teaching their method because trying to learn alone is far more dangerous of an option.

SHOULD I DO A VESSEL OR DIRECT BINDING?  IS ONE BETTER THAN THE OTHER?

Both sides have their pros and cons, and truthfully, it's all a matter of preference.  I personally use individual vessels, master vessels, and direct bindings with certain spirits that help me and protect me on a day-to-day basis. Vessel bindings are the energy link to your companion.  They offer the chance of having an easier time picking up on the energy, because there is a way to channel that energy by using direct contact with the vessel and you can learn how it feels to have their energy and not have it.  However, there are often times that a vessel goes missing, which can be a bit stressful and I've seen many newer keepers worry that the spirit is mad at them for misplacing it.  Not to mention, others in your home may find the vessels to be cool trinkets or mess with them.

Direct bindings are a direct link from your energy to that of the spirit.  It makes it so that your companion's energy bridge is ever-present, and you won't have to handle carrying around the many vessels of your spirit companions.  However, though you won't have the issues of the vessel, you may find it harder to work with spirits one on one or lock onto a particular energy due to the circumstances of that link being ever-present.  It's also sometimes more overwhelming if you're energy-sensitive, especially if you take on several companions at a time.

I do want to touch on master vessels as well, which is the nicer alternative to the vessel bindings without having to wear 20 vessels.  Essentially, you can take all of the energy connections and duplicate (or transfer) them to one central piece where you can attach all of your spirits for a single vessel that you can use to contact your entire keep at once when you're out and about.

I HAVE A COMPANION!  HOW DO I BOND WITH THEM?

There are a lot of things you can do!  Whether your senses have picked up on them or not, take some time to invite them to join you on your conquests - be it watching TV, going to work, taking a walk, etc.  You can also take time to give offerings as a good bonding time, or meditation.  Most importantly, TALK TO THEM.  Even if you can't hear or interpret the responses, tell them about your day, what bothers you, how you feel, what you ate - anything you can think of to say.  They are your friends, your companions, and you definitely want to treat them as such and become closer.  Do what you would do with your physical friends!  In the end, it will pay off.

HOW DO I LEARN TO SEE MY COMPANION?

I wouldn't use the word 'see'. ��Your astral senses are very different from your physical ones, and it's very rare to see the full picture all at once.  I personally find myself seeing one feature at a time - hair, eyes, skin tone, colors, etc. - and then piecing them together later when fed other information. It's almost like a puzzle, really. Past that point, their manifestations will be easier to sense and your mind's eye will fill in the blanks. It takes a lot of practice and work, honestly, but is well worth it when you get the results you're looking for. Please keep in mind that spirits won't always manifest and fully developed senses won't always pick up on them if they aren't actively manifesting.

HOW CAN I COMMUNICATE WITH MY COMPANION IF I CAN'T SEE THEM?

I am a big advocate of mediums! Tarot, pendulum, and shufflemancy are three very popular methods that are very unique in practice.  I do want to make sure, though, that you are being careful about doing any form of medium work and you set up protection so that you know for sure that you are speaking to the spirit you have called as opposed to a trickster or more malignant entity. You can read more about safety here.

Tarot is extremely popular, and many people can use a phone app instead of a physical deck if they have to be secretive.  This method tests your ability to interpret your cards and mix meanings together for messages from your family.  If you're intuitive with your cards, it makes for a really fun reading sometimes, and definitely keeps you in practice with your deck!  Of course, it can also be a little more confusing if you aren't so intuitive with your deck, but you will be able to learn how to interpret your cards as you continue on.

Pendulum is definitely one that gets used often too, as it's used easily with yes/no questions and even pendulum boards with letters (though you want to be more careful with these because the letters can be harder to pin down and interpret as well).  As you get more used to the pendulum, it isn't quite as awkward.  Especially with pendulum work, though, make sure you cleanse after each session and spirit called, and also take a break so that you are at your peak health and you aren't having issues later on down the road, spiritually or physically.

Shufflemancy is, by far, my personal favorite way to get an introduction from a spirit.  The jist of it is, you ask them a question, then put your shufflemancy-dedicated playlist on shuffle and learn the answers with each song that comes through.  You can sometimes use two and three songs to confirm the message.  It's a very fun way to get in contact with your spirits, and I simply love hearing what song comes next when I ask a question.

I THINK MY VESSEL IS EMPTY!  THERE'S NO SIGN OF MY COMPANION ANYWHERE!

Have patience!  Especially if you're new to spirit work, it's very hard to pick up on manifestations or signs that they're actually around.  A shy spirit can be hard to work with as well.  Give it a solid two months before you actually claim that the vessel is empty, especially if you're talking to anyone other than that conjurer.  And always contact the conjurer first - let them know your concerns, and ask if there's anything you can do to speed the bonding process along with the spirit in question.  Every spirit is different, after all.

SOMEONE TOLD ME MY VESSEL WAS EMPTY!

Okay, let me stop you there.  A lot of conjurers place protections on their bindings to prevent others from seeing or messing with the bindings.  Personally speaking, I cloak the bindings so that only the keeper and spirit can actually feel the binding out, but adjustments can't be made unless I do it to protect both the keeper and the spirit's best interests.  Not to mention, oftentimes as soon as someone pokes into the binding or vessel to see the binding itself or the spirit, the binding will break and the spirit will return to the conjurer to prevent tampering.  If you feel like your vessel is empty or someone tells you it is, TALK TO THE ORIGINAL CONJURER.  Otherwise, you'll be pulled into a bunch of drama and lose a companion for it.  Do empty vessels get sent out?  Yes.  Yes, they do.  But it's not a common occurrence, and most times, it's an accident.

SOMEONE LOOKED AT MY BINDING AND SAID SOMETHING WAS WRONG WITH IT!  HOW DO I FIX IT?

There are certain bindings that will cause trouble.  Don't depend on others to tell you something is wrong, though, because spirits will disguise themselves from others that aren't you as a defense mechanism.  If someone says something about your binding being too tight or badly done, go back to the original conjurer and raise your concerns with them.  People tampering with your bindings can either have the spirit default back to the original conjurer or cause a lot of trouble for the spirit itself and actually make the binding uncomfortable.  Not to mention, the binding itself is disguised and will appear differently to others outside of your relationship.  Use your own sense about whether or not there is truly a problem, and if you feel like there is one (extremely difficult to bond with your spirits or sense them, not feeling any energy from the link, etc.), consult the conjurer to see what's going on. You can read more about this here. HOW DO OFFERINGS WORK?

Offerings are a form of bonding!  You give your spirits gifts, essentially, of what they like.  This can range from snacks and food to hair, blood, ribbons, cloth, gemstones, and any number of small presents you feel they would enjoy.  These should be stored separately from your own items, and I always suggest an offering jar if you make frequent offerings or at least labeling what belongs to who when you set up an altar or store the items.  I personally like to take out all of the offerings when I give a new one so that they can take the energy from and survey everything all at once.

CAN I EAT A FOOD OFFERING INSTEAD OF WASTING IT?

Food offerings are primarily so they can take the energy from the food, rather than consuming the food itself.  Always check with your companion first, but there's a good chance that they'll be okay with you leaving the food out for a set time (my rule of thumb is an hour) and then eating it or discarding it for outside animals.  I have also, in the past, burned offerings in a fire pit (but that's mostly for deities and immortals, as personal preference).

I HAVEN'T HAD TIME TO WORK WITH MY COMPANIONS LATELY!  DO THEY HATE ME?

No, not at all! Spirits travel the realms, so they go between their realm and ours. They understand that things come up and your physical life is very important too! So long as you make the effort to reconnect when things are a bit better for you, they won't hesitate to bond with you like they did before. Time passes differently in other worlds, so it may even be that they didn't feel the time without you like you felt. Always talk to them, and in my case, I find that apologizing sincerely is acceptable and we move on from there. We're not perfect, after all.

I LOST MY VESSEL!  WHAT DO I DO?

Deep breath! Losing your vessel is a common problem, whether it's your spirit trying to mess with you or convey a message (wanting a new vessel, not wanting to bond that day, etc), or a bit of careless placement, it's easily remedied. Go to the conjurer and ask them what the process is for transmuting the binding to a new vessel.  A lot of times, conjurers will either do it themselves or teach you an easy way to do it.  It's an easy problem to fix and you don't need to feel embarrassed!

MY VESSEL BROKE!  IS MY SPIRIT OKAY?

Yes! Your spirit is not physically tied to or trapped within the vessel. The vessel houses an energy bridge for safe and easy passage to and from this realm. They can still use the bridge this vessel has, or you can (again) talk to the original conjurer about transmuting them to a new vessel for aesthetics and ease.

I AM A CLOSETED WITCH AND CAN'T DO OFFERINGS OR RITUALS VERY OFTEN.  IS THIS OKAY?

Yes, it's perfectly alright!  I used to have to be very careful about my practice (and to a degree I still do), and there are so many tips and tricks to being a subtle spirit keeper. I will make a separate post about this in particular, as there's so much information on subtle witching and subtle keeping, but spirits generally understand that there are powers and presences that govern our actions and lifestyles. Explain this to them when you welcome them home and when you find the time, do what you'd like to do!

I REALLY WANT SOMEONE TO TALK TO, BUT I DON'T WANT TO PUT THIS OUT THERE IN MY HOMETOWN OR FAMILY... There are a lot of online communities, including MetaSpirit, the Chaos in Pandora's Box Spirit Keeping Forum, FaceBook Groups (many shops host these groups), and a plethora of others that I'm not a member of!  There are also Skype and Discord chats available to those seeking spirit keeper friends and advice!  Definitely check out these online avenues if you want to share your stories and hear about others' experiences too!

[pedrocamposhtc-blog]

The Ultimate Guide To Discovery Call Success For High Ticket Coaches & Consultants [Enroll More Clients Today]

How nice would it be if you could double or even triple your closing ratios?

Well, it`s possible!

If you`ve been having troubles closing sales lately, then this guide will help you get on track with your goals, enroll high paying clients and make your calls a lot more enjoyable, in record time.

A discovery call is nothing more than a way for you to see if the prospect is the right fit for what you`re offering.

It is part of your sales strategy and one you should pay close attention to.

The last thing you want is to spend all this money on ads, energy creating content, driving traffic and end up by having a hard time converting leads into sales.

Most coaches and consultants make the mistake of selling on the call. Or even worst…

… they try to map out all the coaching strategy, sharing their best insights as if the prospect was already a client.

That is wrong!

Your discovery calls should only have one purpose: to move the prospect to the next logical step…

… working with you so you can focus on solving his or her problem.

How To Prepare For A Discovery Call

Sales Mindset For Success

Implementing Your Sales Call Strategy

Pre-Call Checklist

What To Do During Your Discovery Call

Post-Discovery Call

Steps To Discovery Call Mastery

These calls should include several stages. There`s the preparation that comes with it, what you should do during the call and what to do after it is over.

This is exactly what I`m gonna lay out for you in this post.

    Fix Your Marketing First

Now, before I go into the actual strategies, there`s something of extreme importance that I want to address.

Are you trying to fix a marketing issue by getting better at closing?

If you are, you`ll have problems!

This guide or any other guide on discovery calls won`t do anything for you unless you have a good offer and a solid marketing strategy in place.

This happens all the time…

Most coaches even try to hire closers in hopes they`ll rescue their business. They have this fantasy that if they can have a pro on the phones, all their problems will be gone.

Here`s the truth:

This guide is not a rescue operation…

… it will only serve you if your offer converts decently and your marketing message is on point.

You must have a predictable way to acquire a customer, otherwise, you`re just pretending you`re in business, that´s the reality.

  Prospects lie... all the time. Don`t let them BS you, find the truth. Click To Tweet

  How To Prepare For A Discovery Call

If you just go into it like most people, you`re dead in the water!

In order to create sustainable results, you`ve got to nail this down. Most of the success in any discovery call will be attributed to what happens way before it takes place.

Failing to prepare will cause you troubles, I promise you! Don`t get lazy about it.

Become obsessed with preparation, it can make or break your sales call. Think about how a top athlete operates!

Do they wing it in the practice before the game, or do they go all in?

Exactly. Please, pay close attention to your calls` preliminaries.

    Sales Mindset For Success

I think it`s important to touch on a very sensitive point, here.

Every time we talk about discovery call success or sales success, for that matter, we need to address…

… your mindset!

The best closing techniques and sales scripts won`t do you any good if your brain is a mess and you`re full of negatives beliefs that are holding you back.

Some of them, you might not even be aware of.

Here are some of the most common mental blocks that are causing your calls to go down the toilet…

  Negative Associations With Money

How can you ever have conviction selling a $10 000 package if you have negative associations with money?

You tell me!

Or even worst, not have invested that kind of money yourself. Don`t be a hypocrite!

I`m gonna get real with you here…

Your mommy and daddy told you that $1 000 is a lot of money, that it doesn`t grow on trees, that money is the root of all evil or that successful people are unhappy.

It`s ok to not know any better, but what`s not ok is letting those limiting beliefs prevent you from having the success you deserve. Start by adopting a new mindset and study money, how it works and get rid of all the emotional baggage that`s holding you back.

There are some great books out there about the subject. I recommend picking up a copy of Joe Vitale`s Prosperity Factor or The Trick To Money is Having Some, written by Stuart Wilde.

If you have to spend a couple of grand to upgrade your mindset, do it. It will be money well spent and your prospects will feel it.

  Stop being a feature pusher and start operating like a value adder. Click To Tweet

  You`re In Survival Mode

In my opinion, this is why most start-up entrepreneurs fail (aside from a lack of business acumen), especially in the coaching industry.

The worst time you want to start a business is when you`re still struggling to pay the bills.

Why?

Because entrepreneurs tend to project their own struggles onto the prospects.

When you`re in survival mode, all you can think of is making the sale not helping the prospect. You`re coming from a place of scarcity.

Some people might disagree with me but it`s very hard to build a sustainable business coming from a place other than abundance.

Here`s another problem…

If you`re still struggling to pay the bills, what kind of clients do you think you`re most likely to attract?

Exactly!

Get your money problems handled and recommit to your business when you feel like you`re there to genuinely help people, without being desperate.

    Lack Of Belief In Your Service

This is another discovery call killer.

You simply don`t believe in the transformation your prospects are going to get when they sign up with you.

Where does this come from?

From a lack of self-worth.

You`re not certain on your abilities as a coach, as a facilitator, as a service provider and prospects can feel that, right away… you just can`t fake it.

If this is an issue for you, admit it!

It will pay off in the long run and it`s ok if you don`t have it all figured out, nobody has.

Start upgrading your skills, your mindset, maybe there`s something you don`t know. Become the expert at that one outcome and deliver that with all the conviction you have.

You don`t need to know everything, start with a specific transformation you can provide to the prospect and do that one thing better than anyone else.

  You`re In Justifying Mode

While survival mode meant being desperate for the sale, justifying mode means you`re convincing the prospect.

This is what typical salespeople do and entrepreneurs who don`t know any better…

“Oh, let me show how great we are, can`t you see this product is gonna solve all your problems?”

“Great, awesome… today is your lucky day sir, you`re gonna love this program!”

“We do this, we install that, you`re gonna get this, we`re the best, we`ve been around for decades…”

Who cares?

Here`s the reality of selling high ticket services…

The minute you start justifying your value, sounding and acting like a typical salesperson, you lost the sale. The prospect will perceive you as just another snake oil, pushy, “yack”, “used car salesman.”

Most of society has negative associations with salespeople.

People hate to be sold but they love to buy. Your job is to make the prospect feel like it was his decision to move forward. When it`s his decision to do business with you, the sale sticks and he`s a more committed client because he wasn`t pushed to make a decision.

Stop being a feature pusher and start operating like a value adder and watch how much more sales you close.

  Failing to prepare will cause you troubles, I promise you! Click To Tweet

  Implementing Your Sales Call Strategy

Now, let`s get into the strategies you can start implementing today to improve the closing ratios of those discovery calls. They`re easy to follow and can have a massive impact on your results yet very few people do it.

Sometimes, the most simple improvements are the ones that everybody neglects.

So, what should you do before the call?

  Do Your Research

Before you get on the phone, you want to make sure you take a look at your prospect`s social media profiles, websites or publications.

This will be a game changer!

A study was done on a medical practice, where researchers found that radiologists who saw pictures of the patients attached to their scans were more likely to review their cases in detail and uncover other related diseases compared to the patients that didn`t have any picture.

Empathy played a huge role here.

Just by looking at their pictures, you can massively improve your familiarity with them.

And most importantly…

… once you`re on the phone, your brain will remember their face, thus increasing your chances of connecting with your prospect. You become more empathetic, so to speak.

Connection is the wholly-grail of closing calls. You`re not empathetic, you can`t connect, you can`t close!

  Send Value Before The Call

What I like to do before the call is to send a video via email, an SMS or a text message on social media with some value related to what we`re gonna talk about.

It could be a video of one of my client`s talks on stage, a blog post and other resources that may be helpful to the prospect.

The key here is familiarizing the prospect with your brand.

It`s just another touch point you can leverage to show them that you care, that you`re interested in genuinely helping them.

People come into discovery calls thinking they`re going to be sold to, in fact, they hold their poker cards close to their chest.

If you can, in a sense, reduce the friction between you and the prospect, he or she will more likely show up to the call and actually open up to you.

People love when you go the extra mile for them.

    Have The Prospect Call You

Another little trick to increase your discovery calls` success rate is to make sure the prospects book a time on your calendar and actually calls you, instead of you calling them.

On a psychological level, you become the chase, not the chaser. Positioning matters…

… especially selling high ticket!

So many entrepreneurs make the mistake of calling the prospects out of the blue without having the call as an appointment on their calendar and on the prospects calender.

My question to you is how can you get their full attention this way?

You don`t!

You`re interrupting their day, they`re not expecting you and you become a distraction.

The chances of you closing a sale calling people out of nowhere get reduced when this happens.

People get busy, they forget about their commitments, sometimes. Once the prospect books the call on your or your team`s calendar, they`ll get reminders before the call.

It also gives a lot more control over your schedule and it`s super easy to reschedule, if necessary, using any kind of booking software.

  Handle The No Shows Like A Pro

No shows suck! But they happen 30 to 40% of the time.

For every 10 calls that are booked on your calendar, expect a no show rate of about 3 or 4. It`s normal.

There`s a couple of things, though, you can do to lower that number…

Give a 10-minute window before quitting on the call, if the prospect doesn`t show up

After that, send an SMS saying that you had a call booked for this time and wanted to see if everything is ok with him

If you don`t get a response, try the same method with Facebook and Linkedin

Still, if he doesn`t respond, send an email saying something like this…

“Hey John, we had a call booked to discuss X and wanted to reach out to let you know there are still a few spots available in my calendar. I`m open to rescheduling if this is still important to you. To do so click here [link to booking calendar]”

From there, they can either reschedule or simply ignore. I like to wait a few days before sending a follow-up message and if I don`t hear back, it means they`re not that serious.

Remember this…

The last thing you want to do is to come across as desperate. The prospect needs you more than you need them.

He`s got the problem, you have the solution. He can keep his problem and his money!

  Pre-Discovery Call Checklist

Before jumping on any discovery call make sure you follow these simple steps:

Be in a quiet space, without any distractions

Put your full attention on the phone

Use a headset for improved communication

Close the computer, so it doesn`t become a distraction

Pull out a notebook to take notes during the call

  Entrepreneurs tend to project their own struggles onto the prospects. Click To Tweet

  What To Do During Your Discovery Call

Now that you have the pre-call dialed in, let`s move our attention to what you should be doing during the call. Let`s no ruin your call strategy by neglecting this part.

This is where what you say, how you say and why you say it matters.

Now we`re playing with valuables such as tonality, energy, speed and even environment, as you saw on the checklist.

We`re gonna get tactical here…

  How To Structure A Discovery Call

First, you want to set up the expectations letting your prospect know why you`re on the call and that you`re gonna ask a few questions to understand if what you have going on is a good fit for him.

The next logical step is to understand his motivations and needs, basically why he booked the call and what`s really going on in his world. Your goal here to understand his pains, desires and how urgent it is for him to fix the problem.

If the prospect doesn`t have any desire or is acting like a victim, disqualify him and get off the phone.

Later in the call, your job is to connect the dots. Bridging the gap between what he wants to accomplish and the outcome of your solution. Outcome, not features and benefits.

Mirror his language, using the notes you took so far and move into the money stage.

The last part of the call is about getting a commitment and seal the deal. I repeat, you must get a commitment, even if it`s just a small deposit.

    Discovery Call Questions

Your ability to ask great questions will determine your success when closing sales. Questions are the answers.

Your tonality, the speed of your voice, your energy, all of that has an impact on your discovery calls` outcome. Another relevant aspect when it comes to asking great closing questions is understanding the prospect`s personality type.

Their type of personality will help you to know how to adjust your communication style to your prospect`s preferred way of communicating.

Again, we`re looking for little tricks to increase our chances of success.

Here`s a list of questions that will help you understand a little bit better what I`ve shared with you so far…

  Setting The Expectations

“So, Mr. Prospect… what I`d like to do is ask you a couple of questions to really understand what you`re looking for and see if what we have going on is a good fit or not, sounds good?”

“I wanted to let you know that I`m gonna ask you a few questions, get to know you a little bit better and at the end, if we see that this is the right fit, I can go a little deeper and show you what we`ve got going on, how does that sound?”

  Qualifying

“John, can you tell me why that is so important to you, right now…”

“I see, what were you doing before starting your business?”

“Mary, help me out here… what did you mean when you said X?”

  Connecting The Dots

“You told me you wanted to make an extra $5 000 a month, let`s say we`re able to help you get there, how would you feel?”

“Mary, I want you to imagine yourself getting your business past the million dollar mark. Who else could benefit from this transformation?”

“John, where do you see yourself 6 months from now… would you still be in your current job or moving on to something else?”

  Getting A Commitment

“$50 000 is a lot of money for the average person, are you comfortable with these numbers?”

“Let`s say we`re able to increase your Facebook Ads` ROI from 5% to 18%, do you have a budget set aside to pay someone to help you accomplish that?”

And my favorite…

“So John, where should we go from here?”

    Handling Objections

Learning how to handle sales objections is pretty much learning how to play with resistance.

They are a sign that you did something wrong during the call, that the prospect is scared to make a change or he`s just trying to test you.

No one goes to the doctor because they feel like it, people don`t have time for that.

People jump on discovery calls because there`s a problem they want to solve, there`s something going on in their lives or business that`s bothering them.

Your role as a salesperson, as a closer is to challenge the status quo and make them see the light.

Here are some of the most common objections and how to handle them…

  Objection 1

Prospect: “This is just too expensive!”

You: “It is… I`m curious, why do you think people pay us this kind of money?”

  Objection 2

Prospect: “There are a lot of courses out there, why should I go with this?”

You: “Millions of courses out there, in fact… so why didn`t you choose those courses, instead?”

  Objection 3

Prospect: “Do you guys have any guarantee that this is gonna work?”

You: “Maybe it won`t work… what kind of guarantee are you looking for?”

  Objection 4

Prospect: “Is it possible to get a refund?”

You: “John, you`re already thinking about going out even before you`re in! This doesn`t sound like a very good fit. Should we get off the phone?”

  You`re not empathetic, you can`t connect, you can`t close! Click To Tweet

  Don`t Play The Lie Game

Remember that it is a must to cut through the clutter and get down to what is really holding the prospect back. Prospects lie… all the time.

Their objections may not be the real issue.

They may tell you…

“You know, if there was a guarantee, I would take a chance on this!”

If you dig a little deeper and ask…

“Suppose we can give a guarantee, what would happen next?”

And the prospect might say…

“Well, then I`d need to talk to my wife!” 

You see? It`s not about the damn guarantee. Even if you give him a guarantee, he still wouldn`t move forward.

Don`t let them BS you, find the truth. 

Sometimes, you`ve got to dig deep to get to the core of the problem and that means asking just a few more questions.

You can even ask, depending on the situation…

“John, let`s just be friends here… what`s going on, man?”

Don`t be afraid to ask the hard questions and be direct, it`s better to know the truth and jump on a second call than to lose the sale without knowing why.

  Don`t try to fix your marketing problems with closing strategies. Click To Tweet

  Post-Discovery Call

If you manage to close the sale and enroll the client, congratulations! If not, there might be some work to do.

The biggest single thing you can do to accelerate your results is to listen to what you said on that call, meaning you need to record yourself.

Some things may have worked, some may have not.

Get critical about your performance and really listen to your own recordings.

I know it sounds weird at first, but it`s an essential step to mastery. Even if you want to hire someone to do your discovery calls, you must first understand what works and what doesn`t in your specific business.

    You can`t delegate what you haven`t mastered yourself and that doesn`t mean becoming an expert at it.

To improve at a faster rate, breakdown each call by parts. Look at the call structure I mentioned early and start analyzing your performance chunk by chunk.

In the next calls, try to put your focus on that specific part you want to improve and do this for the others until it becomes natural.

At first, when you learn some new techniques, you`ll sound a bit robotic… that`s ok!

As you get better, you`ll start sounding more like a real human being and your conversations will flow naturally.

  People love when you go the extra mile for them. Click To Tweet

  Winning At Follow Up Game

Now, in the case of you not closing the sale, there`s a simple follow up strategy you can implement to get the prospect to book another call on a later date.

Some people might not be ready at the moment, that`s ok!

You may have an email list with people that are interested in whatever it is that you`re offering.

Make sure to segment your email contacts and put the people that didn`t convert in a separate list.

These are going to be your hotter prospects because they`ve already interacted with you on the phone.

Then, you can send them relevant content with the intent of building the relationship even further and ask to book another call.

What about the ones that were not qualified?

Simple!

Move on.

Don`t waste your time with people that are never going to buy from you.

    A High Ticket Closer

can make your job easier by doing this work for you, segmenting your contacts in his own CRM system and following up with people that had previously been on the phone, were qualified but didn`t convert for some reason.

Most email service providers integrate with pretty much any CRM, so it`s easy to keep track of what`s going on between email marketing and sales.

Implementing your follow up strategy:

Put the prospects that were qualified but didn`t convert on the call in a separate list

Send value immediately after the discovery call (a piece of content based on what you`ve discussed)

Use the notes you collected on the phone to send relevant follow-up emails

Send your next follow up email a week after the call (a personalized video)

Use a multi-channel approach to follow up (email, SMS, Linkedin, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Whatsapp, Skype, handwritten letter, gift, event invitation)

Experiment influencing their buying process with remarketing, using extremely relevant ads (advanced)

I don`t recommend following up every day, it comes across too desperate. The optimal frequency after the discovery call, assuming they`re qualified is once a week.

With the rest of your leads, use the approach that you find works best for your business.

  The prospect needs you more than you need them. Click To Tweet

  Steps To Discovery Call Mastery

Mastering closing calls is an art. Like any other art, it requires a set of principals to follow in order for you to succeed at it. Hopefully, I was able to give you some new insights that can help you get better at converting prospects into high paying customers.

As I said in the beginning, your marketing is a fundamental piece in this equation. Get that dialed in and the prospects will almost close themselves.

Let`s now recap and condense everything we`ve talked about…

Get rid of negative associations with money

Come from a place of abundance

Upgrade your skills

Do the research on the prospect

Lead with value

Let them call you not the other way around

Hand the no-shows using a multi-channel approach

Have a clear structure for your discovery call

Get to the truth when handling objections

Record your sales calls and be critical about your performance

Segment your list to stay in touch with the most qualified prospects

Don`t be desperate in the follow-up

Never rely on only one channel of communication

Follow these principles and I promised you that your conversions will improve.

Before, you were closing 1 out 10, now you`ll be closing 3,4 even 5 out of 10. Maybe, even more, who knows.

We both know this…

Even though closing ratios are important, they`re not the most important metric in a business.

Retention rates are what we`re aiming for.

High retention rates and low refund rates!

At the end of the day, all you want is committed clients, who pay you well and are a joy to work with, not people that ask for a refund the next day or week.

By following these principals, not only you`ll close more prospects but you`ll also enroll better and more committed clients.

Did you find this guide useful?

Let me know in the comments below or share it with a friend.

  The post The Ultimate Guide To Discovery Call Success For High Ticket Coaches & Consultants [Enroll More Clients Today] appeared first on Pedro Campos.

source https://pedro-campos.com/discovery-call/

[maritzaerwin]

How To Find Out If You Are The Right ‘Fit’ For A Job

Have you ever been excited to start a new job only to find out after a few months that it is not for you? Well, do not fret, you are not alone.

Discovering you are not the right fit for a job or organization is a common occurrence in job-searching and one that can cost both you and an organization valuable time and money. However, there is an easy way to avoid this emotional rollercoaster, and that is by assessing your fit for a job before you even begin to write an application.

Oh, and there is a big bonus to what I am about to detail for you. If you go through the process I describe below and find out you are passionate about the job, you will have set yourself up to be a prime candidate; talk about a win-win situation!

Before we get started, if you are not quite at a stage where you are actively job seeking within a field you are confident you are going to thrive, you may want to read: 3 Steps For Finding Your Passion and Make It Your Job.

1. Start with Self-Reflection

Before you can assess whether a job is a good fit for you, you have to be self-aware of what is going to ensure you can thrive in a position. So, take a moment (or a year) to reflect on what constitutes your ideal job.

Below I have listed some common indicators you may want to consider during your self-reflection:

Are you interested in a collaborative or independent working culture?

What is your preferred management approach: top-down or horizontal?

How important is equity, diversity, and inclusion to you?

What size of an organization are you interested in a small team or a comb in the beehive?

What does work-life balance mean to you? How will you know if a position can meet this?

How important is job flexibility, such as being able to flexibly schedule around your life?

How important is a social work environment for you — team lunches and drinks after work?

 Of course, you should definitely also consider more standard indicators of job fit, such as pay, benefits, commute time, etc. , but these are the things people usually consider without thinking about the topics above.

As such, do not simply dwell on these surface-level indicators of fit. You will spend a significant amount of your waking time at work, so go the extra mile and really reflect on what an ideal working situation looks like for you.

Once you have taken some time to self-reflect, it is time to start assessing your fit!

2. Do Online Research

The fastest and lowest barrier way to assess your fit is to turn to our old friend, the internet, and dive into publicly available information on organizations you are interested in. I recommend starting with an organization’s “About” page and paying specific attention to sections that discuss “Why Work For Us,” “Mission,” “Vision,” “Values,” or “Culture.” 

These pages will provide you with a superficial glimpse of what an organization strives to publicly be. For example, see what Amazon’s “About” page looks like to get an idea of what to look for. Based on your self-reflection, do you think Amazon would be a good fit for you? Perhaps, purely based on their stated values, the answer is yes. But of course, there is more to the picture than meets the eye.

It is important to recognize that the information posted on these pages is what an organization publicly strives to achieve. This is powerful because they can and should be held accountable for these statements.

However, just because something is stated on an organization’s website does not necessarily make it accurate in reality. So, if you feel like your values align with what is publicly said by an organization, that is an excellent sign to dive a bit deeper into really assessing your fit!

3. Read Available Reviews

The next place to take your online sleuthing is to publicly available employer review websites. Explore what former employees have posted on sites like Glassdoor, Indeed, and LinkedIn.

If the reviews are all negative, this can be a pretty clear sign of issues within an organization. However, it is far more likely that reviews are mixed, which is more symbolic of human diversity and workplace preferences than it necessarily is about the fit of an organization for you personally.

So, I recommend reading reviews with your self-reflected values in mind, and seeing if there are conflicts with your priorities. If you are interested in a collaborative workspace, and many reviews indicate that the work culture is like working in silos, you may have found a significant red flag.

Depending on the context and availability, it can be prudent to explore consumer reviews of an organization as well (say, through Google). What is the public’s perception of an organization, and what are the typical problems or highlights? Evaluate if any of these reviews clash with your workplace needs.

A quick note: if you have found a red flag – a clash with your workplace priorities – consider that a good thing. You may have saved yourself significant time applying, interviewing, or even starting a job you do not want to do!

4. Time For a Coffee Chat!

Unless you discovered a significant red flag in the first two steps, connecting with a current or recent employee of the organization you are interested in is by far the most effective way to assess your fit for a job.

But how do you find this person? There is a myriad of ways! The first and most impactful approach is to search within your network? Do you know any acquaintances that already work for the organization you are interested in? If so, because they know you, they are more likely to sit down for a coffee with you.

If you do not have any acquaintances working for the organization, what about through their acquaintances? Having a friend or co-worker connect you with someone in their network is likely to yield you a coffee chat because there is an established relationship of trust mediated by your mutual connection. Oh, the power of networking!

However, sometimes you just do not have access to a connection at a given organization. At this point, it may be helpful to read 5 Tips for Writing Cold Emails to Prospective Employers for insight into how to appropriately “cold email” people.

If this is the case, not to fear, LinkedIn is here! Use LinkedIn to search the organization you are interested in working for, and you will find employees that work there.

The next step is to find the best employee to talk to, which is probably someone who works in the same department or field that you are interested in. If it is a big organization, you will want to find someone who meets the above description as workplace experience can vary significantly across departments in big organizations (think IT vs Customer Service).

Once you have found an employee that you think can give you accurate information about the workplace experience at a given organization, it is time to connect with them. Now, most people are happy to help others while having a coffee purchased for them, but sometimes that is not enough. What is vital in setting up a coffee chat/informational interview with someone through LinkedIn is telling letting them know you are interested in hearing their experience.

In other words, do not make the coffee chat about you, make it about them and their experience. People genuinely like talking about themselves, especially if free coffee is on the table. So, ask if the person you want to connect with is interested in talking about their experience so you can evaluate if you are a good fit for the organization.

Even if this goes “bad” – as in you discover you are not a good fit for the organization – you can count this as a great success. You will now have narrowed your search and won’t have to consider future opportunities from that organization. That is a great thing!

5. Be Prepared to Ask Good Questions

The absolute worst thing you could do in a coffee chat is to ask poor questions to someone who works in the organization. Why? Well, if you go on to become enamored with the organization, but one of their employees does not think highly of you, this information could get passed on to the hiring manager of the job you are interested in and seriously impair your chances of getting a job. Imagine a scenario where an employee says to a hiring manager in the office kitchen one day:

 “I went for coffee with this guy named Simon, who reached out to me because he was interested in XXXX job.” Says the employee.

“Tell me more, what did you think of them?” Says the hiring manager.

The employee responds, “To be honest, they asked generic questions and did not seem like they knew why they wanted the job. I am not sure they would be a good fit.”

Boom! Your chances of getting that job are now swirling down the drain.

However, and importantly, the script can just as easily be flipped the other way. If you ask good questions and impress upon that employee, you can vault yourself straight to the top of the application pile with a positive referral from that same employee you met for coffee.

That is the beauty of this approach. If you do it well, not only might you discover the job is a good fit, but you might have also firmly positioned yourself as a strong candidate for the job!

So, what do good questions look like?

Good questions during a coffee chat/informational interview show that you have done some research about the organization (hello steps 1 & 2). When you can ask specific questions about the organization, you become more relatable to the person you are speaking with, and you get more accurate answers. Here’s an example:

“I saw on XXXX website that you strive to create collaborative and inclusive working spaces. Based on your experience, what do these things look like in the organization?”

By asking someone who works/worked for the organization you are interested in these kinds of questions, you can see tangible examples of what it is like to work for that organization. In conjunction with your self-reflected workplace priorities, you can begin to clearly evaluate whether you can seriously see yourself working in that organization.

If there are things you are particularly worried about in a workplace context or about a specific job, you have a direct source for asking specific and detailed questions. You cannot beat that!

Asking good questions shows that you are seriously interested in working for an organization and can impress highly upon the person you are talking to. This is important if you want to get a positive referral!

Conclusion

 If you take the time to seriously consider if a job is a right fit for you, you can begin applying to jobs with a high level of confidence that it is worth your time.

Not only will you be saving your future self time by not continually going through the job seeking and application processes, but you will also give yourself an enormous boost on the competition by having knowledge and personal referrals that they lack!

If you have gone through this process and think you are now ready to apply for a job, consider reading the author’s blog on how to write an effective resume, you won’t regret it!

The post How To Find Out If You Are The Right ‘Fit’ For A Job appeared first on CareerMetis.com.

How To Find Out If You Are The Right ‘Fit’ For A Job published first on https://skillsireweb.tumblr.com/

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Heart, Ear, Eye, Mind, Mouth: Local SEO Exercises for Your Least Technical Clients

Posted by MiriamEllis

When was the last time you relaxed with a client?

As a local business consultant, I know that deeper marketing insights can be discovered when you set aside formality and share experiences: a moment, a laugh, a common bond. 

When I’m looking for ways to make life easier for a client, I sometimes reflect on ancient practices like yoga, tai chi, and mindful breathing, which are increasingly understood as beneficial to human health. For a space in time, they reduce the complex world we live in to a simpler one where being, breath, movement, and focus bring the practitioner to a more intuitive state. 

Local marketing agencies can empathize with the complex world their clients inhabit. Local business owners must manage everything from rent and employee benefits to customer service, business reviews, web content, and online listings. When you take on a new client, you expect them to onboard a ton of information about marketing their brand online. Sometimes, the most basic motivations go unaddressed and get lost in assumptions and jargon — instead of decreasing client stress for your least technical clients, you can accidentally increase it. 

Today, I’ll help you newly create an intuitive space by sharing five simple meditation exercises you can use with your agency’s clients. Instead of signaling via SEO, CTR, USPs, and GMB, let’s relax with clients by relating successful local search marketing practices to experiences people at any level of technical proficiency already understand.

Heart

To show their heart is in the right place, the Vermont Country Store publishes a customer bill of rights.

For a local business owner, there is no more important quality than having their heart in the right place when it comes to their motivation for running a company.

Yes, all of us work to earn money, but it’s the dedication to serving others that is felt by customers in every interaction with them. When customers feel that a business is there for them, it establishes the loyalty and reputation that secure local search marketing success. 

Heart meditation

Close your eyes for a few seconds and think of a time in your life when you most needed help from a business. Maybe you needed a tow truck, a veterinarian, a dentist, or a plumber. You really needed them to understand your plight, deliver the right help, and treat you as an important person who is worthy of respect. Whether you received what you required or not, remember the feeling of need. 

Now, extend that recognition beyond your own heart to the heart of every customer who feels a need for something your client can offer them.

A business owner with their heart in the right place can powerfully contribute to local search marketing by:

Running a customer-centric business.

Creating customer guarantees that are fair.

Creating an employee culture of respect and empowerment that extends to customers.

Creating a location that is clean, functional, and pleasant for all.

Honestly representing their products, services, location, and reputation.

Refraining from practices that negatively impact their customers and reputation.

Participating positively in the life of the community they serve.

A good local search marketing agency will help the business owner translate these basics into online content that meets customer needs, local business listings that accurately and richly represent the business, and genuine reviews that serve as a healthy and vital ongoing conversation between the brand and its customers. A trustworthy agency will ensure avoidance of any tactics that pollute the Internet with spam listings, spam reviews, negative attacks on competitors, and negative impacts on the service community. An excellent agency will also assist in finding and promoting community engagement opportunities, helping to win desirable online publicity from offline efforts.

Ear

Keter Salon of Berkeley, Calif. really listens to customers and it shows in its reviews.

Local business success is so linked to the art of listening, I sometimes think Google should replace their teardrop map markers with little ears. In the local SEO world, there are few things sadder than seeing local business profiles filled with disregarded reviews, questions, and negative photos. (Someone cue “The Sound of Silence”.)

From a business perspective, the sound of branded silence is also the sound of customers and profits trickling away. Why does it work this way? Because only 4% of your unhappy customers may actually make the effort to speak up, and if a business owner is not even hearing them, they’ve lost the ability to hear consumer demand. Let’s make sure this doesn’t happen.

Ear meditation

Close your eyes for a few seconds and listen closely to every noise within the range of your hearing. Ask yourself, “Where am I?”

The sound of typing, phone calls, and co-workers chatting might place you in an office. Sliding doors, footsteps on linoleum, and floor staff speaking might mean you’re at your client's brick-and-mortar location. Maybe it’s birdsong outside and the baby in their crib that tell you you’re working from home today. Listen to every sound that tells you exactly where you are right now.

Now, commit to listening with this level of attention and intention to the signals of customer voices, telling you exactly where a local brand is right now in terms of faults and successes. 

A business owner who keeps their ears open can actively gauge how their business is really doing with its customers by:

Having one-on-one conversations with customers.

Recording and analyzing phone conversations with customers.

Reading reviews on platforms like Google My Business, Yelp, Facebook and sites that are specific to their industry (like Avvo for lawyers or Healthgrades for physicians).

Reading the Q&A questions of customers on their Google Business Profile.

Reading mentions of their brand on social media platforms like Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram.

Reading the responses to surveys they conduct.

Reading the emails and form submissions the company receives.

A good local search marketing agency will help their client amass, organize, and analyze all of this sentiment to discover the current reputation of the business. From this information, you and your client can chart a course for improvement. Consider that, in this study, a 1.5 star improvement in online reputation increased consumer activity by 10%-12% and generated 13,000 more leads for the brands included. The first step to a better reputation is simply listening. 

Eye

Moz’s Local Market Analytics (Beta) helps you see your market through customer location emulation.

When your clients choose their business locations, they weigh several factors. They compare how the mantra of “location, location, location” matches their budget, and whether a certain part of town is lacking something their business could provide. They also look at the local competitors to see if the competition would be hard to beat, or if they could do the job better. Success lies in truly seeing the lay of the land.

Local search mirrors the real world. The market on the Internet is made up of the physical locations of your clients’ customers at the time they search for what your client has to offer. 

Eye meditation

You already know most of the businesses on your street, and many of them in your neighborhood. Now, with eyes wide open, start searching Google for the things your listening work has told you customers need. Where appropriate, include attributes you’ve noticed them using like “best tacos near me”, “cheapest gym in North Beach”, or “shipping store downtown.”

See how your client is ranking when a person does these type of searches while at their location. Now, walk or drive a few blocks away and try again. Go to the city perimeter and try again. Where are they ranking, and who is outranking them as you move about their geographic market?

A local business keeping its eyes open never makes assumptions about who its true competitors are or how its customers search. Instead, it:

Regularly assesses the competition in its market, taking into account the distance from which customers are likely to come for goods and services.

Regularly reviews materials assembled in the listening phase to see how customers word their requests and sentiments.

Makes use of tools to analyze both markets and keyword searches.

A good local search marketing agency will help with the tools needed for market and search language analysis. These findings can inform everything from what a client names their business, to how they categorize it on their Google My Business listing, to what they write about to draw in customers from all geographic points in their market. Clear vision simultaneously enables you to analyze competitors who are outranking your client and assess why they’re doing so. It can empower your client to report spammers who are outranking them via forbidden tactics. An excellent agency will help their client see their competitive landscape with eyes on the prize.

Mind

When an independent Arizona appliance chain surprised three shoppers with $10,000, it made headlines.

With hearts ready for service, ears set on listening, and eyes determined to see, you and your client have now taken in useful information about their brand and the customers who make up their local market. You know now whether they’re doing a poor, moderate, or exceptional job of fulfilling needs, and are working with them to strategize next steps. But what are those next steps? 

Mind meditation

Sit back comfortably and think of a time a business completely surprised you, or a time when an owner or employee did something so unexpectedly great, it convinced you that you were in good hands. Maybe they comped your meal when it wasn’t prepared properly, or special-ordered an item just for you, or showed you how to do something you’d never thought of before.

Recall that lightbulb moment of delight. Ask yourself how your client’s brand could surprise customers in memorable ways they would love. Create a list of those ideas.

A creative local business gives full play to the awesome imaginative powers of the brain. It gives all staff permission to daydream and brainstorm questions like:

What is something unexpected the business could do that would come as a delightful surprise to customers?

What is the most impactful thing the business could do that would be felt as a positive force in the lives of its customers?

What risks can the business take for the sake of benevolence, social good, beauty, renown, or joy?

A good local search marketing agency will help sort through ideas that could truly differentiate their clients from the competition and bring them closer to making the kinds of impressions that turn local brands into household names. An excellent agency will bring ideas of their own. Study “surprise and delight marketing” as it’s done on the large, corporate scale, and get it going at a local level like this small coffee roaster in Alexandria, Va. selling ethical java while doubling as funding for LGBTQ+ organizations. 

Mouth

Put your best stories everywhere, like in this social media example. Moz Local can help with publishing those stories.

“Think before you speak” is an old adage that serves well as a marketing guideline. Another way we might say it is “research before you publish”. With heart, ear, eye, and mind, you and your client have committed, collected, analyzed, and ideated their brand to a point where it’s ready to address the public from a firm foundation.

Mouth meditation

Open your favorite word processor on your computer and type a few bars of the lyrics to your favorite song. Next, type the first three brand slogans that come to your mind. Next, type a memorable line from a movie or book. Finally, type out the the words of the nicest compliment or best advice someone ever gave you. 

Sit back and look at your screen. Look at how those words have stuck in your mind — you remember them all! The people who wrote and spoke those words have indelibly direct-messaged you. 

How will you message the public in a way that’s unforgettable?

A well-spoken local business masters the art of face-to-face customer conversation. In-store signage and offline media require great words, too, but local search marketing will take spoken skills onto the web, where they'll be communicated via:

Every page of the website 

Every article or blog post 

Social media content

Review responses

Answers to questions like Google Business Profile Q&A

Business descriptions on local business listings

Google posts

Featured snippet content

Live chat

Email

Press releases

Interviews

Images on the website, business listings, and third-party platforms like Google Images and Pinterest

Videos on the website, YouTube, and other platforms

A good local search marketing agency will help their client find the best words, images, and videos based on all the research done together. An excellent agency will help a local business move beyond simply being discovered online to being remembered as a household name each time customer needs arise. An agency should help their clients earn links, unstructured citations, and other forms of publicity from those research efforts.

Determine to help your client be the "snap, crackle, pop", "un-Cola", "last honest pizza" with everything you publish for their local market, and to build an Internet presence that speaks well of their business 24-hours a day.

Closing pose



One of the most encouraging aspects of running and marketing a local business is that it’s based on things you already have some life experience doing: caring, listening, observing, imagining, and communicating. 

I personally should be better at technical tasks like diagnosing errors in Schema, configuring Google Search Console for local purposes, or troubleshooting bulk GMB uploads. I can work at improving in those areas, but I can also work at growing my heart, ear, eye, mind, and mouth to master serving clients and customers.

Business is technical. Business is transactional. But good business is also deeply human, with real rewards for well-rounded growth.

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