#and some of the coloring in this... don't talk to me

[fledgedragonfox]

Secondary Colors & Tertiary Souls

Two lovers have reincarnated throughout history, destined to find each other and fall in love all over again. There’s also this third guy that reincarnates alongside them… we don’t really know what he does.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I've honestly lost track of how many times I've been here. Watching from the outside as they found each other again. Sometimes they remember, sometimes they don't. But they always find each other. And sometimes they find me. But never in a way that matters. I came close once. Violet came back as a beautiful young woman and I happened to be a strapping young man from a noble family.

This was way back when dragons were still trouncing around the countryside. I was her betrothed, and I was so happy. But then she found Forest, as one of the most gorgeous dragons I'd ever seen. To be fair every other gorgeous dragon was either Violet or Forest in another life, but still. He was breathtaking. He stole her away, and they lived happily ever after. 

I don't like to think about how bad things were after they left. I'd like to think that if I came that close to them again I'd handle things better. No elderberry wine and cliff edges for me, thank you very much.

But, well…

It's hard to keep going like this.

There’s a legend about us you know? Two souls, born into the world over and over again. They always find each other. And every time, their love burns through the barriers of forgotten times, and they embrace. Every time, they come back and without fail, a third appears. No one quite knows why, but the third soul is always present. Either in passing, or as a foe, or even a friend. Some say that when the three meet, you can sense it happen. But always it is the lovers, and their shadow. 

They were an orcish warrior and an adorable scholar. I was a merchant passing through their village.

They were a pair of rebellious halflings. I was an elf who barely had a chance to speak to them before the war.

They were a lake spirit and a knight. While I was an ogre he'd been tricked into slaying.

They were a priest and a fair maiden. I was a dangerous lich, despite only using my powers to heal.

They were a bookseller and a musclehead. I was just a regular at the coffee shop they frequented. That time we became pretty good friends. 

They were starcrossed lovers, an astronaut and an alien. And I worked on mission control millions of miles away.

I get to see them come together again and again and again. But I never get a chance. Sometimes we see each other in the interim. The place between life and death. Sometimes they remember me from the previous life, those are the best moments of my existence. We talk, reminisce, apologize, and promise to remember next time. But they rarely ever do. And even if they do, they almost never remember me.

Right now, I'm a bartender. Serving drinks to assholes all night long. Night after night. Last time the higher ups apologized again for the trouble with my memories. They promised that this time things would be different. This time, when I die again, I won't have to come back. My paradise has been waiting for almost a thousand years, and will still be there when I'm ready. I might be ready to just rest, and let them keep up this asinine cycle they have going. 

That’s when I see them. Violet is a tall man wearing a black turtleneck. He looks so kind, like he always does. Forest is a large man, with a thick beard and a wide smile. They are perfect. Just like always. Even when Violet’s sword was cutting through me, or when Forest was soaring away with Violet in his claws. They were smiling at each other, their hands clasped in each others’ as they danced to the pulsing music. They had matching rings on, married once again. 

They glance in my direction and slow in their dance. I fumble, dropping the tumbler in my hands all over the bar. Sticky booze and ice scatter across the surface and soak my apron. I swear quietly, trying desperately to mop up the mess before it could drip onto any customers. I may be set in the afterlife, but here I need this damned job. I jump when paper towels gently move my frantic hands out of the way. My breath catches in my throat. 

They were here. Frantically setting up a paper towel barricade with the help of the security nearby. My hands are shaking. I’m smaller in this life. Lanky, and awkward, and too many stuttered out excuses. I hadn’t really been taking care of myself this time around, if I’m being honest. Forest takes my hands, trying to stop their shaking. My eyes snap to his and I feel it. Oh this one was going to hurt. These ones always did. He remembered me, or at least something about me. I was a homeless man last time. I lashed out in frustration when I saw them walking down the street. They later visited me sometimes after I apologized. They brought me sandwiches sometimes. Then the cycle started again.

“It’s you.” He said. His voice isn’t angry or sad. It’s a soft voice full of awe. I will fully admit that I am beyond confused. We must have been standing here a while because Violet finishes cleaning and looks at us. I expect him to lash out or question his husband, whatever his name is this time. But he doesn’t. He looks at me, and starts to tear up. He remembers too. This is going to really suck. Last time I was so tired and sick. This time I’m a pathetic lanky loser. It’s been a few minutes, both of their hands are clasping mine. I can’t look at them. I keep my gaze to the floor. This will be the last time. I promise myself that, at the end of this one I am staying in the after. 

“Pumpkin.” The name, the name I’ve only ever used sparingly in the after. They said my name. I can feel myself crying as I look at them. Their gazes are full of sorrow, regret, awe, and something that they had only ever had for each other. Forest guides me around the bar, the pair nearly jumping over the counter. The other patrons and bartenders give us strange, knowing, looks. Then they hug me. Well, envelope me more like. They are both bigger than me. They wrap themselves around my soggy boozy body. 

“We’re so so sorry.” Violet mutters into my hair. Forest it patting my front down with paper towels, muttering apologies and explanations that I barely hear. It takes me a few minutes to catch up. But I can still feel it. I feel a shift in myself. Like something slotting into place. 

“You remember…” My voice is a whisper, and I begin to sob when they nod and pull me in between them. They remember. Maybe they’ll want to stay with me in paradise. Maybe this life won’t be quite so bad. They’re running through names I’ve had in the past, some that even I barely recall. When they kiss me, one after the other, it feels like all of the pain is being seared away. 

I’m not a shadow anymore.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

OK! I'm probably gonna make more of these at some point but here we go! A writing prompt for chrimmas!

If you're interested, I have a patreon and unfortunately a gofundme available if you want to support me.

All of the details for the gofundme can be found on the gofundme page, I promise.

Pareon: https://patreon.com/A_M_W_Harris?utm_medium=unknown&utm_source=join_link&utm_campaign=creatorshare_creator&utm_content=copyLink Gofundme: https://gofund.me/d271f0c4

Two lovers have reincarnated throughout history, destined to find each other and fall in love all over again. There’s also this third guy that reincarnates alongside them… we don’t really know what he does.

[aestheticanimegirl15]

TW: slight angst, slight mentions of pregnancy, fem reader

It happens every year without fail since you and Simon got together. Every December, it's almost like clock work. You've come to accept it now as sort of a tradition. You put up the tree, wrap it in colorful lights, candy canes, tinsel, and ornaments that's been in your family for years. You hang up the stockings, make hot coco, etc. All normal, right? Except for this.

It's happens a handful of times, a week or a couple of days before Christmas. You'd wake up at some ungodly hour in the middle of the night because the spot next to you is cold, the personal heater you call your husband no where to be seen. Except you know exactly where he is, and if you can manage to pull yourself out of the comfort of your warm bed and into the cold winter air you will find him exactly where you thought he was.

He'd be sitting on the floor, criss crossed, and just staring at the Christmas tree. His hulking form looks almost comical in such a position, almost looking like a school child waiting for story time. It's easy to tell he's tired and probably cold, too. So you grab a blanket and sit next to him, drapping the blanket around the both of you. He'd accept it, but he won't talk, not a peep, he won't even take his eyes off the colorful tree.

So you don't, either. You'll just sit there with him, looking at the tree and the presents you had managed to wrap before you had to stop because your legs were numb and ran out of tape. You'll notice the distant, almost sad look in his eyes as he stares at the tree, like he's remembering something. But you won't mention it, in the past you did but he'd always divert the question.

"Maybe in the future, love." He'd say.

And since there was no point in asking questions you'd get no awnsers to, you just came to accept this as a part of who he is. After all before he met you, he never celebrated the holiday unless one of his teammates forced him to. You remember being shocked when he told you he had never put up a tree before.

"Just never saw the point in it."

After a while, if you're able to, you'll manage to coax him back into bed. The bed now cold but just as comfy as when you left it, and you'll fall back asleep in his arms.

Simon swears to himself that one day he'll tell you once he's comfortable enough. He'll tell you about his mother, brother, sister in law, and his nephew. Maybe even tell you what happened to them if he can bring himself to talk about it without breaking down. One day, he'll tell you about his past, but not tonight. Tonight he'll just focus on the feeling of you in his arms, the sound of your gentle breathing, but most of all he'll focus on the feeling of your stomach and the five month baby bump that was hidden underneath your night shirt.

But in the quiet of the night, when he knows your asleep. A silent whisper floats up into the air

"Merry Christmas, mom... I hope Santa is able to get little Joseph his present. Say hi to Tommy and Beth for me...."

[notapradagurl7]

Frosted Whispers.

Black Fem! Reader x Terry RichmondBillonaire! & Kelvin Harrison Jr.Billonaire!

Word Count: 3544k 😭

Warnings: +18, dirty talk, mention of burnout, praise, mention of favoritism, profanity, mention of wealth and power, fluff, soft Kelvin, soft Terry, voyeurism, toxic smut, confession, fingering, oral(male & female receiving) slight degradation, dominant duo, teasing, PWP, consensual for all parties, Kelvin and Terry are bosses but spoil the reader, unprotected sex.(wear protection)

Taglist: @megamindsecretlair @life-in-the-slut-house @liatreads @sweettea-and-honeybutter @ovohanna24 @henneseyhoe @euphorichappiness10 @mightbeher @miguelspvssy @simplyzeeka @nahimjustfeelingit-writes @uzumaki-rebellion @planetblaque @blackmoonchilee @slutsareteacherstoo @writingsbytee @nayaesworld @mymindisneverhere @sageispunk @slippinninque @babybratzmaraj @soft-persephone @keyera-jackson @amplifiedmoan @avoidthings

A/N: Happy holidays! I've been seeing these two on my timeline so much that I decided to write about these two cuties, here is a cozy, nasty Christmas gift from me to you! Enjoy! 🎄🤶 Don't forget to leave a like, comment & reblog to support, feel free to ask for a request! ❤️

Summary: You were sent to a cozy cabin Christmas retreat in the secluded Rocky Mountains picked by two of your wealthy bosses Terry and Kelvin, for a much-needed break from the hustle and bustle of your corporate lives.

————

Ding. The notification you've been waiting for since September, you grabbed your phone from the dresser and your eyes scanned the text message from Mr. Richmond or Terry as you would call him outside of the workplace.

Terry.

We are on our way to pick you up, don't forget to wear a coat since it's gonna be snowing out there.

Your phone buzzed again, you giggled at Kelvin text in the group chat called “It's Work, right?”

Kelvin.🤣💞

Don't forget to be out of that house by the time we pull up🙄

You.

You ain't my daddy Kelvin,🙄🤣

Terry.😌💞

Kel, you play too damn much.

You grinned like a Cheshire cat from Alice In Wonderland, laughing at the messages, unlocking your phone and quickly sending a text back to the attractive man who was also your boss.

You.

Okay, can't wait to see both of you! I'll be waiting impatiently 🤣

Dressed in a warm toffee-colored turtleneck sweater and black pants, matching boots, and socks adorned your feet. Your brown box braids hung to your elbows, a beanie atop your pretty head.

Full of zeal you were for a much-needed break from work, luckily you chose to work from home. It was a private cozy cabin in the Rocky Mountains with your bosses Terry and Kelvin.

You worked diligently and consistently in a successful corporate business which was an LLC, owned by Terry’s father and Kelvin’s father through inheritance, which some would call a clear, cold case of nepotism. Turns out their fathers were the best of friends.

Some would call it a white boys club at that, but it wasn't at all, it was black-owned by two black men with black business workers there. It was certified for sure.

Let’s not forget that you worked for two very handsome men, but on the outside, they were strict yet fair to their employees. Knowing when to not take shit from anyone and ready to fire the ones who were douchebags, or being inappropriate to co-workers. Prematurely erased from the planet, and unable to find another job.

The men made sure to get tested and sent you the papers to prove it that they were both clean, you did the same and let them know that you were on the pill. You were glad they did it without complaining, they wanted to be honest with you.

Other co-workers accused Terry and Kelvin of favoritism, which only involved you since you were an assistant to them both, you didn't make excuses, and you arrived at work on time, and worked nights and days.

You earned an amazing amount of pay that allowed you to get in a great house in a safe neighborhood, and books you wanted to read, places you wanted to go. It was a dream come true.

Obviously, you didn't give a damn what other people said or thought of you. You knew that you worked hard to get where you needed to be, you didn't need to prove it to anyone.

Looking in the full-length mirror, making sure you look good for you self. You sure did as always.

“Damn, I look fine as hell and I'm nervous,” you mumbled.

You caught the sound of a horn honking cutting through your thoughts, you kissed your teeth and grabbed your pink duffle bag.

Hurried your way out of your house, turned on your alarm and locked the front door with quickness.

Kelvin leaned against the luxurious black truck with a sinful grin on his face, while Terry sat behind the wheel. Leaning in the seat as his eyes flicker toward you, chuckling at your almost lateness.

“Hurry your ass up, girl! The snow is probably melting by now!” Kelvin hollered with a smirk.

You rolled your eyes playfully at them, as your movement was fast anyway, you've never been to the Rocky Mountains before, so seen that much snow.

This was your first taste of cabin living, the crisp snow crunched underneath your shoes and greeted you with the holiday season.

Normally, bosses and their employees weren't at good terms but it was different between you, Terry, and Kelvin. When they wanted to go to dinner, you agreed.

At first, it was about the benefits that came with being friends with Terry and Kelvin, but they turned out to be such sweethearts, normally some men wouldn't understand or try to get with co-workers but this was different.

“I’m coming, damn!” You yelled back, slinging your duffle bag over your shoulder.

Kelvin held out his hand like the gentleman he was, you passed your duffle bag to him. “What a perfect gentleman, thank you,” you replied, in a royalty-like tone.

He nodded and opened the door for you, in the backseat. “You’re welcome, after you, my lady,” he replied back, his tone in royalty-like.

You chuckled lightly, “Y’all are too much,” you said, shaking your head as you slid into the backseat.

The car was warm with the heat blowing at the right temperature, a stark contrast to the brisk winter air outside. Terry glanced back at you through the rearview mirror, his playful smirk softening into something more tender.

“You’re gonna love it up there, just you wait,” Terry chimed in, his voice smooth as melted chocolate.

“I’m sure I will, as long as you two don’t start acting like children,” you teased, leaning back comfortably against the plush leather seats.

Kelvin turned slightly in his seat, his dark eyes sparkling with mischief. “Who, us? Never. We’re perfect angels,” he said, feigning innocence. But you knew better.

“Right, and I’m the Queen of England,” you retorted, crossing your arms playfully.

Terry chuckled, shaking his head. “You know you love it. Besides, you’re the one who’s been working your ass off. You deserve this break.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t think it’d come with a side of y’all acting like complete goofballs,” you replied, rolling your eyes playfully.

The car came to a stop in the clear driveway, before you can reach for the door handle, Terry opened the door for and stepped out. Thanking him with a warm tone and you passed your bag to Kelvin, while you smiled at him.

The cabin was nestled at the base of a mountain, surrounded by the whispering pines dusted in white. The moment you stepped out, the air felt crisp and fresh, invigorating.

“Wow, this is beautiful,” you breathed, taking in the stunning view.

Terry stepped out beside you, his tall frame casting a long shadow. “Welcome to our little winter wonderland,” he coaxed, a proud grin spreading across his face.

Kelvin joined you, his hands thrust deep into his pockets, his playful demeanor shifting slightly, as if he was soaking in the serenity. “And we’ve got all the comforts of home. Hot cocoa, a fireplace, and—” he paused dramatically, “—a fully stocked kitchen.”

“Don’t tempt me,” you said, raising an eyebrow. “I might just make you both work.”

“Now, that’s the spirit!” Kelvin laughed, nudging you playfully. “But only if you promise not to burn anything.”

“Ha! Very funny,” you shot back. “I’m not that bad.”

Terry leaned closer, lowering his voice. “We’ll see about that. Just remember, if you burn something, you’re on dish duty.”

You laughed, the sound echoing through the quiet woods. As the three of you made your way to the cabin, a sense of warmth and comfort enveloped you. Kelvin unlocked the door and nudged it, You walked in first while Kelvin and Terry followed behind you.

Inside, the cabin was just as cozy as you imagined, the fireplace crackling and casting flickering shadows on the walls. It was breathtaking, biting down on your lip.

“Let me show you to your room,” Kelvin chimed in, his tone shifting to something softer, more sincere. “We want you to feel at home here.”

You followed him down a short hallway, feeling your pulse quicken slightly as he opened the door to a beautifully decorated room.

“Wow, this is amazing,” you exclaimed, stepping inside. The space was adorned with plush blankets and twinkling fairy lights, presents on the bed with your name on them.

“All for you,” Kelvin exclaimed, leaning against the doorframe, his gaze steady. “We wanted you to feel special.”

Your heart fluttered at his words, warmth flooding your cheeks. “You guys really didn’t have to do all this,” you said, turning to him.

“Of course we did,” Terry chimed in from behind you. “You work harder than anyone I know. You deserve it.”

You felt like a queen in a storybook, soon to be courted by two kings who wanted to give you the world that was created by only them.

You turned to him, finding his gaze sincere and deep, something settling in your chest. “Thank you. Really. This means a lot.”

“Good, now go get settled. We’ll be right out here,” Kelvin added, his voice dipped low, almost intimate.

As you closed the door, you took a deep breath, feeling the excitement and tension swirl in the air. You felt like you were on the edge of something new, something thrilling. You took off your coat and beanie, throw it in the dresser, take off your shoes and slide on some slippers.

After unpacking, you joined them in the living room, where they were both lounging on the couch watching a movie from the 2000s, a bottle of wine and glasses waiting on the coffee table.

“Join us?” Terry asked, his dark eyes inviting.

“Absolutely,” you smiled, taking a seat between them, feeling the warmth radiate from their bodies. Grabbing a champagne glass from Terry.

“You know, we’ve been talking,” Kelvin began, his voice a low rumble.

You raised an eyebrow, curious. “Oh really? What’s this about?”

Terry leaned closer, his voice dropping to a whisper. “You’ve been burning the candle at both ends. It’s about time we show you how much we value you.”

“Let me guess, it's time for me to unwrap my gifts in my room.” you teased, giggling a bit.

Terry darkly chuckled with a smirk, watching you sip from your glass. You sat in between them on the couch. Patiently waiting for what they had to say to you. “You can say that,”

“We have mustered up the courage to tell you that we both have feelings for you, if you don't feel the same way then we completely understand,” Kelvin confessed with gentleness in his time.

Obviously you liked both of them, could you be with them both without a scandal? You would have to quit your job or would they fire you? They wouldn't, A throuple would be the appropriate label.

You shook your head trying to brush off those thoughts away and enjoy this moment with them.

“I don't want to choose, I rather have both of you, Terry and Kelvin, you've been on my mind for quite some time now, but I want to keep it on the low at work, I need my job,” you confessed.

Terry and Aaron exchanged looks before nodding, “Understandable but if this ever goes out then we will protect you,” he said in a reassuring tone.

“Have you been naughty or nice this year beautiful?” Terry chimed in, his eyes roaming your body.

A smile etched on your face, placing your hand on the nape of his neck, “I think I have been good this year,”

“Can I get a kiss from my girl?”

“Your girl? You mean our girl right?”

After that, Terry kissed your lips deeply, while Kelvin slid off your sweater, he began to take off his tee shirt. Unhooking your bra and throw it across the room, your breasts poked out swiftly, he kissed your cheek as you broke the kiss with Terry, causing the male’s face to twist up.

A sinful smirk etched on Kelvin’s face, “What? You could get all the damn attention from our girl?”

“Is that a challenge I hear?” Terry asked him.

Terry slides off his sweater, unbuckling his belt and freed his dick with your hand grabbed it gently eliciting a grunt from him.

“Would you like a taste?” Terry coaxed darkly.

“Can I eat you out while you're sucking him off?” Kelvin asked, kissing your neck and sucking your skin to leave a hickey.

“Yes, please,” You replied with a seductive tone, kissing his lips twice.

You took him eagerly in your mouth, using your hand to stroke him from what you couldn't fit in your mouth, sucking him off and Kelvin took off his clothes. Rubbing your breast and pinching your nipple, “Kel…mhm..” you moaned again.

With your consent, Kelvin gently slid your purple panties from your ankles, grabbing underneath your knees and resting them on his shoulders. His lips kissing your clit sweetly eliciting muffled moans from you. You sent vibrations on Terry’s thick length, bopping your head while Kelvin’s fingers slid between your wet folds. “So fucking wet, this shit is turning you on?” he asked.

“Suck that shit baby, you're doing so well for me,” Terry groaned, pushing his hips into the warmth of your mouth. Closing his eyes to relish in every moment.

That only made Kelvin work harder with his mouth, his tongue tracing shapes on your throbbing clit and thrusting his fingers in and out of you skillfully, your essence spurting out on his wrist and moaning onto Terry’s dick. “You taste so fucking good,” Kelvin moaned onto your pussy.

On the verge of a climax, you and Terry felt the knot untighten, his warm jets of cum poured onto your tounge causing you to swallow every bit of him, pulling his dick out. “You did an amazing job,” Terry praised, You moaned loudly at Kelvin still eating you out.

Your hips rolled against his mouth, your head fell back onto the armrest. Your essence poured onto Kelvin’s mouth, swallowing every drop of you. Hand resting on the nape of his neck, “Just like that, you're both are so good to me,” you babbled softly, hearing a slurping noise from him.

Kelvin moved his head away and looked up at you with a smirk, “You deserve the better, my love,” he cooed, cupped your face and kissed you passionately yet deeply, your tongue slipped in with his. Pulling away with a soft smack.

“My turn,” Kelvin playful sang before kissing your lips sweetly.

Kelvin lifted you effortlessly and sat comfortably on the couch, your hand resting on his shoulders with his hands gripping your hips. Sliding you onto his dick gradually and filling you completely. “Damn, I'm buying an engagement ring next time,”

Your mouth parted wide, pulling him close in a tight bear hug, you kissed him sloppily, “Strange way to propose..yess,” you cried out, his hips moved yours, creating a slapping sound similar to a gunshot.

“Oh fuckkk! Kelvin!” You cried out, eyes rolling back. Hips rolling against him as your body shook with pleasure. Kelvin watched your essence pooled around his dick, he groaned out your name like a seductive song, watching you fall apart after every stroke.

He laid you down on your back and you grabbed the couch armrest for dear life, fucking you like he had something to prove, he rutted into you and Terry watched with a smirk, your reactions to Kelvin’s thrusts turned him on. “Oh yes! Shit!” you cried again, nails scratched his back eliciting a hiss from him.

Terry’s lush lips took your nipple in his mouth with genuine care, your hand rested on the nape of his neck. Your hips rolled against Kelvin’s thick dick, screaming out their names to the mountains.“T-Terry…Kelvin..baby, you make me feel so gooddddd,” you babbled, tears falling down your cheeks.

Terry’s finger rubbed your clit in circles, and you whimpered his name again. “Damn, you’re so perfect,” Kelvin groaned, his grip tightening on your hips as he thrust into you deeper, each movement sending waves of pleasure coursing through your body.

Such possessive men they were, your attention and your love were their oxygen. Couldn't live without it.

Terry looked up from your breast, his dark eyes glinting with pride. “You’re taking him so well, baby. You’re such a good girl,” he praised, his voice low and sultry, sending shivers down your spine.

“Y-yes, I’m trying baby,” you stuttered out, trying to keep your composure as both men lavished you with attention.

Kelvin leaned down, his forehead resting against yours, his breath hot against your skin. “You feel so damn good wrapped around me. I could stay here forever,” he whispered, his voice thick with lust.

“Me too,” you breathed, losing yourself in the moment as you rocked your hips against his, feeling his length hit the perfect spot inside you. “Please don’t stop.”

“Never,” he replied, picking up the pace, his thrusts becoming more frantic. You could feel the tension building within you, the knot tightening in your belly as he drove you closer and closer to the edge.

Terry’s mouth moved from your nipple to your ear and cupped your breast, his hot breath sending another wave of arousal through you. “Let go for us, baby. We’re right here,” he murmured, his fingers still working expertly on your clit, teasing and coaxing you towards your release.

With a few more thrusts and Terry’s skilled fingers, you felt the world around you blur. You cried out as the pleasure peaked, your body trembling as you came undone. “I’m cumming!” you screamed, your nails digging into Kelvin’s shoulders as the waves of ecstasy washed over you.

“That’s it, baby girl. Let it all out,” Kelvin urged, his own release following closely as he buried himself deep inside you, filling you with his cum completely.

Terry’s fingers continued to work on your clit, coaxing out every last bit of pleasure until you were panting, your body still quivering from the intensity of your orgasm. “Terry…please, Kelvin!” you cried out.

As Kelvin collapsed beside you, still catching his breath, Terry leaned over to kiss you softly, his lips brushing against yours tenderly. “You did so amazing, sweetheart,” he whispered, his eyes sparkling with affection.

You felt a warmth spread through your chest at his words. “I couldn’t have done it without both of you,” you replied, a smile spreading across your face as you glanced between the two of them.

Kelvin chuckled, wrapping an arm around your waist, pulling you close. “We make a pretty good team, don’t we?”

“Absolutely,” you nodded, feeling a sense of belonging and happiness you hadn’t experienced before.

“Next time, we should try the hot tub outside,” Kelvin suggested, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

“Only if you promise to keep the hot cocoa flowing,” you teased back, feeling the playful banter return.

“Deal,” Terry chimed in, his arm tightening around you, making you feel safe and cherished.

“A hot bath for our favorite girl?” Kelvin asked with a grin, picking up you in his arms, and carrying you to the bathroom. You nodded weakly.

“Make sure it's on the right temperature, nigga.” Terry shouted out, rolling his eyes. They pulled up their pants and followed behind Kelvin. Cleaning up the place immediately.

The white marble curved bath tub was filled with heat and soapy foam, you sighed in bliss. Terry passed your favorite book with a bookmark in between and kissed your forehead, “Enjoy, Empress,” he said before closing the door.

You freshened up, dried off, and applied lotion. You wore a loose t-shirt and leggings. you sauntered back into the clean living area, feeling refreshed and rejuvenated.

As you entered, you found Terry and Kelvin lounging comfortably on the couch, both looking up at you with amused expressions.

"Look who decided to grace us with her presence," Terry teased, a playful smirk on his face.

"Had to make sure I was all clean and cute for my two favorite bosses," you replied, winking at them as you sank onto the couch beside Kelvin.

"Cute is an understatement," Kelvin remarked, his gaze lingering on you with a hint of desire. "You look absolutely stunning."

"Thanks, I appreciate it,” You smiled, sitting in between them.

For the rest of the night, you cuddled close to them with warm blankets and classic Christmas movies, and hot cocoa. Treated like the queen that are you.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

So for new year cards...

Jack SSR is actually so cool; I like it. Malleus SSR is beautiful and all, but he really reminds me of a bride in forced marriage tropes. 😭

[Referencing the Twst JP Jan 2025 schedule!]

Finally, some good fucking food for Jack stans 😭 Port Fest feels like so long ago… fbjssbdjjs I feel like I can’t appreciate his design as much as others can. I’m not into the skintight undershirt on a character as buff as Jack is, and I'm confused as to why his gloves are... like that??? But!! I do like his fluffly little boa thing and how enthusiastic his pose is. You can tell he’s really putting his all into the New Year Sale~!

Malleus got another new hairstyle (any hairstyle that's different than his default one is a win in my book www)!! I think it's a well-liked look among his fans; I already saw so many people commenting that he looks like a love interest in a reborn as a villainess isekai or something to that effect.

I also saw some chatter around the thin fabric that Malleus seems to have over himself. A common joke is that it's a "wedding veil", but given the traditional Japanese clothes everyone is wearing for the new year, it's more likely also a Japanese article of clothing. A friend theorized that it's a 被衣 (kazuki/katsugi), a garment worn over the head that fully covers the body. These are mostly donned by noblewomen to cover their faces when they go out--and that sort of makes sense, given that Malleus himself is a noble. How demure and mindful... I thought the veil could also be a frost blanket (you know, to protect the budding flowers from the cold)?? But I'm not entirely sure right now; maybe the vignettes will give us more context!

A friend and I were speculating as to what flowers might be featured in the initial card art and the conclusion we came to was ume (plum) blossoms. The color and shape are similar, and they're a classic flower in winter anime. Something else I noticed was that the same flowers seem to appear in Sebek's New Year Attire from two years ago! If you compare Malleus and Sebek, you'll notice that the lighting is much warmer in Sebek's too. In fact, all previous SSR cards are pretty much like that, save for maybe Trey but at least Trey is shown to be in front of the shop. It really makes Malleus's card "stick out", since he's the only one that appears to be in a lonely and isolated location, just him and the plum blossoms.

On the subject of clothing worn by Japanese women! The same friend and I talked about Jamil's New Year Attire too. (Figured I'd throw this in here since I'm already talking about the other three 2025 New Year boys. Don't wanna leave him out, y'know??)

You can see that he has his hood up in the initial card artwork; my friend joked that Jamil's a newlywed. Why? Brides that choose to dress traditionally for their wedding days wear a wide white headdress/hood called a 角隠し (tsunokakushi), which covers an elaborate hairstyle like Jamils'/j. The "tsuno" (horns, as I'm sure you're all familiar with) in the name refers to the "horns of jealousy"; the tsunokakushi is meant to blanket the jealousy so she can enter her new married life at peace.

Of course, the shape, color, and context of the tsunokakushi is very different than what Jamil's got going on and the Twst team most likely did not intend for this comparison to be drawn, but I thought that this was interesting to share ^^ (*feeds Jamuil yumes this delulu cultural trivia*)

Aaaand let's close out with Floyd! The answer to his question is simple, actually. To put one's arm inside the kimono is just a very casual or relaxed way to pose. It suits Floyd and his attitude, doesn't it?

[seokminfilm]

but he's an angel | yoon jeonghan

🪄 pairing, yoon jeonghan x reader

🪄 warning, model!jeonghan, jeonghan can speak french, romance & fluff, meet cute, reader is in love with this guy (they literally just met), feminine jeonghan, lyr uses feminine features & adjectives when describing jeonghan, teasing (mainly from jeonghan), jeonghan is kind of a nuisance at times (reader is too blinded by love at first sight to notice or care), cute + wholesome

🪄 summary, it's another boring day at the coffee shop you work at─that is, until a pretty korean who can speak shockingly good french asks you for a coffee you don't know how to make.

🪄 author's note, i wrote this because i'm going through jeonghan withdraws again :( it's a bit rushed and not my best work, but i did it for jeonghan and that's all that matters to me tbh!! took a break from writing for dokyeom but we'll be back to our regularly scheduled kyeom tomorrow!! hope you all had a merry christmas lyrnation :>

🪄 now playing, banana shake, hus

The bell jingles cutely as another customer leaves satisfied with a cup of hot, steaming coffee, and you slump against the countertop, social battery already drained from dealing with elderly ladies who couldn't read the menu signs well.

It was yet another boring day at Crème des Anges, the French coffee shop you happened to work at. Your favorite coworker, Joshua, was out sick with the cold, so you had to bear it all on your own, working with one of the older, grumpier ladies of the task force. It left you drained of all life and happiness, having to try not to wince at the lady's bored voice when she answered customers.

The jazz music was sweet when you entered in earlier this morning, but you swore the tracks were on a looping playlist, never stopping. You couldn't tell where one song stopped and other started, and to be honest, you were over trying to figure it out.

After giving a buisness woman extra creamer, you disappeared to the back to try to get a break from the boring, stuffy atmosphere.

Even though the back of the coffee shop was warm and inviting in color and decoration, you felt like you wanted to cry and drool all over the pretty couches and soft, plush chairs. The very cliche slogan of Crème des Anges stood in bold calligraphy, and you sighed, just grimacing at reading it

The cream of the angels is served here!

If the cream of the angels were served in a shockingly opressive coffee house with the same ten jazz tracks and sickening smell of caramel lingering in every nook and cranny of it, you'd pass.

A jingle of the bell begrudgingly led you out to the main counter again, and you dusted yourself off, pasting on your best smile as you recited one of the five default greetings you had to every new customer.

"Welcome to Crème des Anges, where everything is made from the cream of─"

Words fall short of the sight you see in front of you when you blink, but you could afford to try to describe it, right?

The customer has this soft, lazy glow to them─as if it was a haze of some kind. They smelled of vanilla and warmth, and the silky top they were wearing only added to the softness of their disposition. Their hair, as dark and smooth as bitter chocolate, and skin as glassy and clear as a brand-new mirror.

Their eyes were unlike anything you had ever seen─deep and brown with pointed lashes, soft and curling. Their lips were covered in a swipe of glittery, pink lip gloss, shimmering under the coffee shop's lights as they smiled at you sweetly, lips parting to reveal a perfect straight set of pearl-white teeth.

"─Cream of the angels." Their voice is unlike anything you had ever heard─it was a mixture of masculine and feminine, plesant and warm to listen to with a lilt of their special way of talking. They were soft, illuminating your world and the whole coffee shop with their words.

"Yeah, um─Cream...cream of the angels," Your face is burning red, and you clear your thraot, obviously still fazed by the arrival of this magical person. You couldn't even tell whether they were a male or a female, but you found that even more alluring.

The laugh that slipped from their lips was nothing short of melodic, sweet and tangy like tiramisu cake as they stared at you with a playfulness in your eyes. "Even though you were stuttering over your words for a bit there, you got it," The person smiled at you again, and you blushed, laughing autonomously as you tried to get a hold of yourself again.

"Okay, so, uh─um, what would you like today? I could give you recommendations if you want?" You try to resume your assigned lines as normal, but with the pretty stranger's eyes on you, your brain was slower than usual.

They laughed at your slow expression, obviously catching on to what you were thinking. "I'll make it easy on you. You're so flushed; you like like a very cute tomato."

And now the stranger was calling you cute? (A tomato too, but that was besides the point.) You could just die from your now amazing luck.

"What about..." The person trails off, leaving you awaiting for their cream-like voice. "What about an Café au lait?"

Café au lait? You had never heard of a drink like that before. Even though you were in Paris, all they really served is just normal American coffees. You weren't even sure the aformentioned grumpy lady even knew how to make an Café au lait, and you weren't going to ask her either.

Plus, you had to prove your worthiness to this pretty stranger somehow.

"Of course," You comply, putting his order into the system as you slip into third person for a second. Your situation has finally hit you in the face: a pretty stranger has appraoched your coffee shop, and now you're giving it a drink that's not even on the menu?

How down bad are you for this dream of a person?

"What will the name be on that order?" You add just seconds later, and the person adjusts the pricey-looking watch on their wrist as the anwer with a smirk. "Yoon Jeonghan."

No wonder you felt like you were the virgin Mary being visited by the angel Gabriel. The person─the man─you were talking to now was none other than Yoon Jeonghan, the male model popular for his continuous breaking of gender norms and star-studded photoshoots. You weren't one for fashion or makeup, but even you had heard of him, and that was his forte. He was perfect in almost everyway, and here you were, taking his order.

"Yoon Jeonghan, then." You say again, and Jeonghan laughs deviously, eyelashes brushing against his light cheeks as he stares up at you through them.

"It sounds like you just like the sound of my name in your mouth." Jeonghan's voice is cheeky, daring, and you clear your throat, glancing down at your shaking hands as you give an awkward laugh.

Blushing (and unable to deny him), you finish ringing up his order, taking his credit card and finishing the payment as he smiles, thakning you. "I'm really excited to try that Café au lait you're gonna make me. I believe in you."

Oh, no, you think to yourself, giving Jeonghan an awkward smile as you reply with an even awkwarder tone, "You're gonna love it."

Now, there was three things wrong with this situation. One, is the fact that you are now scrambling all over a customer, completely ignoring the rules set up by your boss.

Two, there is no such thing on Café au lait on your menu─you're sure Jeonghan knows it too, and is just waiting to see how you're going to make it happen.

And Three, well, you'd have to learn how to make a Café au lait and how to make a Café au lait fast, because that angel of a boy who's just entered your hellscape of a coffee shop has you in his delicate grip.

A delicate grip you're thrilled to be in, all because he's an angel.

[cheshireliam]

"Wrapped in Wicked Romance" Story Event: Chapter 2

This is a fan-made translation solely for entertainment purposes with no guaranteed perfection; expect mistakes, grammatical errors, and some creative liberties. All original content and media used belongs to Cybird. Please support the game by buying their stories and playing their games. Reblogs appreciated.

Read this before interacting

(Now… I wonder what I should talk to Ring about.)

(... Huh?) 

While I was trying to think of a conversation starter, I realised that Ring was already way ahead of me. 

Kate: Ring! Wait up! 

Ring: !? Why are you so far behind…? 

I hurriedly chased after him and he rushed back toward me.

We met halfway and started walking side by side again.

Kate: Perhaps my strides aren’t as long as yours. I’ll try to keep up. 

Ring: No, I should’ve slowed down to match your pace. … My bad. 

Ring: A-anyway, you can hold onto my arm.

Kate: Thank you. 

Ring: Actually… I wanted to have you hold my arm back at the meeting point. 

Kate: Was that during your sudden warm-up session just now?

Ring: Yeah. … I should've let you hold my arm earlier if I knew you were going to be left behind.

Ring: I’m not good at acting like a lover at all. Even if it's Dari’s orders…

Kate: Neither of us are acting the part right now, so don’t let it bother you. 

Kate: Is there anything else you wanted to say but couldn't?

Ring: There is. It’s about… your outfit. 

Ring: “I love your outfit today. It suits the little robin very well”.

Ring: “Where did you get that bracelet? I want to get a matching one”. 

Kate: Huh…? 

Ring: “The design around the collar is fun. It really looks like your kind of thing. Also—”... 

Kate: Um… are those your own words? 

I couldn't help but interrupt when Ring, who had been acting awkward the whole time, suddenly started complimenting me so smoothly that it felt unnatural.

Ring: … Y-you’re sharp. As expected from a member of Crown… you’re dangerous. 

(It’s not that I’m sharp, it’s that Ring’s behaviour is so obviously unnatural…)

Ring: Actually… I had Nica teach me some words to compliment you, so that I can do a better job at pretending to be your lover.

Kate: So that’s what happened…! I’m happy you prepared yourself in advance, but…

Ring: “But”? 

Kate: I’d much rather hear you use your own words, Ring.

Kate: Do you usually compliment your lover using words someone else said?

Ring: N-no, I don't… I-I think. 

Ring: A-anyway, give me a moment while I think of the words to compliment you. 

Kate: … You don't have to force yourself to compliment me if nothing comes to mine, okay?

Ring: No, I really do think your outfit looks nice, it's just… umm… 

He took my comment about wanting to hear him use his own words seriously and struggled to respond. 

I couldn't help but find it endearing that he was trying so hard…

(You can do it…!) 

I silently cheered him on in my heart.

Ring: Your outfit today looks… frilly and soft… I-I think it’s c-cute.

Ring: It reminds me of a purple Hardenbergia flower… the subdued color is comforting to look at. 

The words he finally managed to string together sounded hesitant and awkward, but they struck me deeper than any borrowed praises could ever.

Kate: I never would've thought of comparing the colour of my clothes to Hardenbergia flowers! It makes me so happy to hear that.

Ring: …! I-I see… that's good to know.

Kate: You must know a lot about flowers, don’t you?

Ring: Y-yeah… I probably know more about flowers than most other things. 

Kate: There are some flower beds on the way to The Scala.

Kate: If you don't mind, could you tell me what flowers they are?

Ring: … If I can identify them. 

…

And so, on our way to The Scala, Ring taught me about the flowers blooming along the road… 

Thanks to that, his nervousness seemed to have eased significantly by the time we reached Piccadilly. 

Ring: … It’s about time for the play to start. We made it just in time.

Kate: You’re right! The Scala is right up ahead. Let’s go. 

(... He’s still a little awkward, but I feel that he’s conversing more naturally now as compared to this morning.)

Even Ring was wary of me and said some disturbing things earlier on… 

He was an honest, upright person who was willing to listen to what I had to say. 

That honestly was likely the reason why I could freely interact with him without feeling on edge myself. 

(I’m looking forward to watching the play. I wonder what kind of reactions Ring will have.)

(... Huh?)

Ring: … Why did you suddenly stop? Is something wrong?

Kate: P-pardon me. There’s something I want to verify… you come too, Ring! 

I grabbed Ring’s arm and led him toward an alley in the opposite direction of The Scala. 

…

Ring: … What business do you have in an alley like this?

Kate: There’s been a rise in child abduction cases in the area lately, and I thought I saw someone resembling the suspect on the run… 

Kate: Ah… it’s him! 

I lowered my voice and pointed at a man lurking in the shadows of the alley. 

Kate: There’s a chance I got the wrong person, so I’m going to act casual and try to get information out of him— 

While I was explaining the situation to Ring, a young girl wandered into the alley, perhaps by accident.

At that moment, the man made a move. 

(Ah…!) 

He crept up behind the girl and covered her mouth with a piece of cloth he had in his hand. It seemed to have been laced with some sort of drug. 

The girl fell unconscious, and the man skillfully stuffed her into a bag before attempting to flee the scene.

Kate: Ring, let’s go after him! 

Ring: … No, we need to report this to Dari and have him make a decision first. 

Kate: What…? B-but there's a kidnapping happening right in front of our faces! We must act now! 

Ring: I was ordered to only ensure you return to the castle safely today. Any actions taken beyond that are prohibited.

Ring: Getting involved in strange situations would be going against Dari’s orders.

Ring: I understand that you want to help, but we should only act after reporting to Dari. 

(How can he say such things when a serious crime is being committed right under our noses…?)

Just a couple of minutes ago, I concluded that Ring was an honest and upright person that would never tell a lie.

But it was precisely because of that, I instantly knew that his words right now weren’t lies. 

In other words… Ring had no intention of stopping the crime from happening at all. 

Ring Schwartz, the person I thought I was starting to understand, became a complete stranger to me once more.

Kate: … F-fine. Then I’ll go after that criminal MYSELF!

Ring: H-hey…! 

[goddessinnerglow]

Become Your Best Version Before 2025 - Day 24

Setting Up Progress Tracking Systems

Hey Goddesses! After exploring personal style yesterday, let's talk about something that can really amplify our growth journey, tracking our progress. But don't worry, we're not going to turn this into a complicated spreadsheet situation (unless that's your thing!).

That satisfying feeling when you can actually see how far you've come? That's what we're aiming for. Let's create a tracking system that feels natural and motivating, not like another chore on your to-do list.

Think about it, we've covered everything from confidence to personal style in this series, and you've probably made more progress than you realize. That's exactly why tracking matters, it helps us celebrate those wins we might otherwise miss.

Let's explore some simple but effective ways to track your growth:

The "One Line a Day" Method:

Keep a small notebook or digital note where you write just one line about your progress each day. It could be anything – "Spoke up in meeting today" or "Chose outfit that felt truly me." Simple, quick, but powerful when you look back.

Visual Progress Maps:

Create a simple chart or calendar where you mark days you took action toward your goals. Use different colors or symbols for different types of progress. Seeing those marks add up over time is incredibly motivating.

The Weekly Check-in:

Set aside 10 minutes every Sunday (or any day that works for you) to reflect on three things:

What went well this week?

What did I learn?

What do I want to focus on next week?

The Progress Photo Approach:

Not just for fitness goals! Take photos of your workspace as you organize it, screenshot positive feedback you receive, or document other visible signs of growth. Create an album called "Growth Journey 2025" on your phone.

Voice Memos:

Sometimes writing feels like too much. Try recording quick voice notes about your progress. "Hey future me, today I finally..." These can be incredibly powerful to listen back to.

Don't Forget these key principles:

Track what matters to you, not what others measure

Make it easy enough to stick with

Focus on progress, not perfection

Include both tangible and intangible wins

Keep it flexible, adjust your system as needed

Quick tip:

Link your tracking to something you already do daily. Maybe you check your progress while having your morning coffee or before your evening skincare routine (remember our self-care conversation?).

Today's Challenge:

Take 5 minutes to write down where you are now in any area you want to track. This becomes your baseline. In a month, you'll be amazed at the changes you notice.

See you tomorrow for Day 25! Remember, you can't manage what you don't measure, but keep it simple enough to stick with.

♡ ☆:.｡ Keep glowing, babes! ♡ ☆:.｡ With love, Goddess Inner Glow.

[acanvasofabillionsuns]

[ID: The first image is a movie poster for the Dreamworks movie Home, showing Oh, a Boov (a wide, short, purple creature), Tip, a black girl, and a calico cat. The rest of the images are screenshots of sections of The True Meaning of Smekday, by Adam Rex.

In a ridiculously short amount of time, the Boov determined that humans were unwilling to mix peacefully into their culture. They pointed out all the people who fled instead of welcoming their new neighbors, even those whose homes had been taken outright. Captain Smek himself appeared on television for an official speech to humankind. (He didn't call us humankind, of course. He called us Noble Savages of Earth. Apparently we were all still living on Earth at this point.) "Noble Savages of Earth," he said. "Long time have we tried to live together in peace." (It had been five months.) "Long time have the Boov suffered under the hostileness and intolerableness of you people. With sad hearts I now concede that Boov and humans will never to exist as one." I remember being really excited at this point. Could I possibly be hearing right? Were the Boov about to leave? I was so stupid. "And so now I generously grant you Human Preserves—gifts of land that will be for humans forever, never to be taken away again, now." I stared at the TV, mouth agape. "But we were here first," I said pathetically.

The tent was strung with white Christmas lights and packed with people, all facing a stage on one end. And on the stage stood a redheaded man in a wifebeater with a Viking tattooed on his chest. People were booing him. "Shut up!" the redhead was saying. "I have the stage! All I'm saying is, now that we've all had to leave our real homes, we got a chance to get America right! There can be a place for the Saxon Americans, and a place for the coloreds, and a place for—shut up!"

"So every place has some kind of leader?" I asked. It had all happened so fast. "Sure. Most of them are former state governors, or senators, or whatever. The president runs a little town called Rye." "Just a little town?" "Yes..." said Mitch. "He's not very popular anymore, because of the invasion. People assume it was his fault somehow. But we have to have leaders. We have to have government." "I guess," I said. "Daniel Landry's district is far south of here," he said, "on some former Indian land." "Indian land? Like a reservation?" "That's right." "Is this Dan guy an Indian?" "I don't think so, no. I'm pretty sure he's white. He wasn't a governor or anything before, but he's really rich, so I imagine he's a good leader." "Uh-huh. But he's white," I said. "The Indians elected a white guy?" "Well...I don't know. I imagine all the other people elected him. It's mostly white folks living on the reservation now." I frowned. "And the Indians are okay with this?" "What do you mean?" "Well...it was a reservation," I said. "It was land we promised to the Native Americans. Forever." Mitch looked at me like I was speaking in tongues. "But...we needed it," he said.

"Mr. Hinkel," said the Chief, jerking his head toward the sleeping man. "He thinks Indians like me ought to live somewhere else. Likes to tell me about it a lot." I didn't really want to talk about Mr. Hinkel. "Well, maybe they'll let him go soon." "Doubt it," said the Chief. "Got beat up pretty good by someone who thinks gay people like him ought to live somewhere else."

The last excerpt from the book is in comic format, divided into four main panels. The first is captioned, "2,000 (two thousand) years ago - Many schools closed by the HighBoov, because Money is Needed Elsewhere. Boov are told not to worry about learning unimportant things. Boov are told to learn one useful thing that may be done over and over again and give their life meaning. HighBoov devise clever tests to find which Boov should be taught more, and which Boov should not be taught because Money is Needed Elsewhere." Boov are shown doing things like guarding, serving food, and taking care of children.

The second panel is captioned, "1,150 (one thousand, one hundred and fifty) years ago - Certain Boov who were taught many things announce that industry is polluting the waters of Boovworld." Boov in uniforms point to a chart of their world and gesture to something outside a window, presenting this information to other Boov in fancy outfits. "These scientist predict that the oceans soon will no longer be able to sustain life, unless things are changed."

The third panel is captioned, "1,149 (one thousand, one hundred and forty-nine) years ago - HighBoov declare that these warnings of pollution cannot be proven, so therefore nothing should be changed. The scientist Boov who gave these warnings are declared evil-evil that they should call our God unclean. These Boov are named the Forgotten and sent onto land into exile forever. Some of them die of asphyxiation. Most don't." A line of Boov trudge out of water onto land.

The fourth panel is captioned, "1,003 (one thousand and three) years ago - God dies of asphyxiation." There are many skeletons with lots of darkness in the background.

Plain text: "1,003 years ago, God dies of asphyxiation" End ID]

like the most politically neutered movie of all time unironically

[hawkinsbnbg]

all i want for christmas is you

prompt: christmas | word count: 1000 | rated: T | tags: ex-hookups to lovers, fast burn, getting together, future fic. | @steddieholidaydrabbles | ao3

steddie bingo prompts: cuddle, sing, guitar | @steddiebingo

It was finally Christmas and Eddie was gonna meet Wayne's mysterious partner, who had been a famous topic in their conversations lately.

Not that Wayne had mentioned seeing someone, yet. But he knew his uncle well, or he'd like to think so, and Wayne wasn't the type to just talk about some random people during their weekly phone calls.

And since he'd been hearing about Stevie this and Stevie that for months, he'd braced himself for the family dinner™ when he visited Wayne this year.

That was why he didn't expect to see Steve Harrington when opening the door.

It'd been what? Ten years and the other man still looked as beautiful as ever. Even without his signature polo and khakis, Steve still managed to look unfairly cute in his winter outfit, big doe eyes and rosy cheeks, sweet and fluffy like a cute muffin.

Eddie wanted to eat him.

Before he could say anything, however, Wayne appeared from behind and pushed him out of the doorway.

"Come in, son. You're gonna freeze your ass off if you stay out there any longer."

Steve ducked his head to hide that endearing shy smile of his and stepped inside the house as prompted, sighing in appreciation when the warmth embraced him.

Standing awkwardly next to Wayne, Eddie held the cookies Tupperware Steve had brought over, watching him take off his maroon knit scarf, mittens, and earmuffs then change his shoes and hang his jacket.

As Wayne pulled him into a fatherly hug that Eddie had been given hours ago, a lightbulb moment finally happened to Eddie.

"Holy shit, you're the Stevie! What're you doing here?" Eddie didn't mean to sound so blunt, wincing internally at the hurt flashing in those hazel eyes.

Thankfully, before he could ruin everything with his loud mouth, Wayne interrupted gently.

"I invited him here to have dinner with us. You got a problem with that, son?"

"Nope," Eddie wisely shook his head, then gave Steve a (hopefully) charming smile. "Don't mind me, sweetheart. I was just worried that I haven't bought a gift for you since I didn't– You know what? I’m gonna go set up the table. You two continue catching up, okay?”

His retreating tactic only worked for about two minutes before Steve joined him in the kitchen. Without Wayne as their buffer, he didn't know what to say and neither did Steve by the look of it. But the silence was stifling and his self-control had been shot to zero anyway.

“So, you're friends with Wayne, huh?”

“You could say that,” Steve glanced at him briefly before looking away again. “He talks about you a lot, you know. Said he’s really proud of you. For living your dream and making a life out of it.”

Unable to help it, Eddie swayed closer, breathing in the familiar floral and fruity notes from Steve's cologne and body wash, smiling when he caught the sweet scent of baked cookies.

“For the record, he also talks about you a lot, Stevie.”

He felt a little drunk when Steve's ears and cheeks colored in a lovely shade of pink that matched his sweater vest, and realized how much he’d missed this. The easy flirting. The natural way they moved around each other. Maybe he was getting ahead of himself, or maybe it was the domestic air of the occasion, but he could see them like this one day—happy, in love, together.

Eddie shook his head. All those years, and here he was, still just as hopeless.

Dinner was a delightful affair. Wayne made it his duty to regale them both with their embarrassing tales, more of Eddie's than Steve's. Turned out, Wayne had helped him get acquainted with the neighborhood when he first came to live here. Once they found out about their mutual love for sports and gardening, they’d become fast friends and the rest was history.

(“Wait. You walked here?? In this weather???”

“There are only a few flurries and I don't even live that far away from here. I’ll be fine.”

“Uh-huh, says the man who has pneumonia and still took a stroll when it's brass monkeys outside.”

“Like you're one to talk. Remember when you sprained his wrist and ankle because you refused to use the front door like normal people?”

“Listen–”

“Boys.”

“Sorry, Uncle Wayne.”)

At some point, Steve revealed that he was teaching at Hawkins Middle, and proceeded to gush about a bunch of kids Eddie had no idea about but still grew fond of anyway if only because they were the reason for the smiles on Steve's face.

After doing the dishes, they joined Wayne in the living room, drinking hot cocoas by the fireplace and bickering over their tastes in movies and music. Eddie got to show off his guitar skills, playing every request from Steve and Wayne.

They all sang along to Queens and ABBA, laughing when he missed some chords. Eventually, Wayne called it a night and retired upstairs, leaving him and Steve on the couch, cuddling and sharing body heat beneath the soft quilt.

Amidst their mindless bantering, he raised a hand to cradle Steve’s face, and asked softly. “May I?”

Like a dream, Steve leaned into his touch with a soft smile.

“Yes, please.”

Oh, sweet Santa. This man was gonna be the death of him.

Once they eventually parted, Eddie suggested that they should kiss under a mistletoe next time, and Steve quickly pointed out they’d just done it considering their quilt was patterned with mistletoes—something they’d failed to notice until they were done kissing. Somehow, that made them break into a fit of giggles, having to cover each other’s mouths to muffle their noises like a couple of giddy children.

“What do you want for Christmas?” Steve asked after a while.

“You,” Eddie pecked his lips tenderly. “It's always been you, baby.”

“You have me,” Steve smiled into the kiss.

And Eddie knew he was gonna do anything to make them work this time.

[morsking]

i don't know if i like "merry christmas to all" or "merry christmas, everyone" over the other because either one can say something different about an older kirei that's pretty funny. they're essentially the same phrase but the wording gives me a different impression. "merry christmas to all" is blunt, formal, the minimum you'd expect from a priest who makes people stiff in a variety of ways. but there's still that acknowledgement of the holidays. he usually spends all his time in the church. you don't remember if you've ever seen him outside of it, but he will partake this time, surely. he will wear a silly hat perhaps and have a sip of eggnog. his tall, imposing frame, deep voice, and distinct facial features make for quite the sight in the middle of the present-opening, the christmas carols, the luminous and colorful decorations. it's almost uncomfortable, you do not think a man like him would be so playful when he's usually so stern. you can't help but wonder if he's really at the age where he should be doing this kind of thing. but you remember the holidays are for everyone, so it is not his age that is inappropriate for this setting. no, there is something different out of place here. he has finished his round of karaoke. he is turning around. he is looking at you. "christ is born. look forward to the new year," he'd say with a smile curled in his mouth but absent in his eyes. he retreats within the church doors, closing them behind him. you wonder if you truly feel safe with him inside.

"merry christmas, everyone" however is jovial, so jovial and sincere it's quite out of character for a man who is otherwise bored or smug. he is being your funny uncle kirei and you want him to cut it out. and he knows this. which is why he will keep being your funny uncle kirei for the rest of the holidays. your parents have invited him over for dinner, they did not tell you this until a few minutes ago. he arrives, after some small talk dinner is served. you and him are the last people to leave the living room and head to the dining room. he puts his hand on your shoulder paternally "the salad is poison and no one will believe you," he says as you see your family sit down to eat. you don't know whether to pretend you misheard him or pass it off as a joke. his gaze, his smile, and his hand mercilessly deny you such a retreat. you sit down awkwardly. he sits down across from you. you stare at the salad nervously, its vibrant colors looking less like a meal and remind you more of a colorful frog that kills its predator when eaten. you decline an offer for it to be served on your plate. the salad is indeed poison, because once your parents have a taste one of them exclaims, "kotomine-san, this is so delicious i might die from 100 helpings!" and he'd respond with delight that his cooking is to their liking. your parents want more of his cooking. you fathom the salad might not be a literal poison, but your parents' reaction makes you think of an alternative equally unsettling: it is a mental poison, a tantalizing concoction that dulls the senses and enervates rationality. indeed, it is an accompaniment reflecting the indulgent mental state induced by the holidays. reckless, thoughtless consumption guided by the controlled pursuit of the delicious and the material. your parents, enthralled, will crave food made by kotomine kirei from now on. the salad was not poisoned, but this fact invites not relief. who can say he won't make something poisoned later? who will he serve that to, and when? the shared enthusiasm between your parents and the priest is the telltale sign of your defeat in a game you did not know you were playing, but that had started long before he rang on your doorbell. "the next festivities are not far off," he'd remind you. "do look forward to them anxiously." his steps as he walks away from your house are quiet, yet they echo cacophonously in your ears. "look forward to the next. and the next. and the next." he parts with a chuckle and a beaming smile. your parents are endeared. you, however, hope to move out by easter.

[rita-repulsa-ke]

The Legend of Saint Claws

"All right, Agatha," Rio said with a shake of her head, coming to her feet and doing a melodramatic twirl, green silk pajamas shifting into a dramatic red and white getup, it was always strange to see her in a color other than green. Her nails grew long and sharp, scraping through the air. "What do you think of—Saint Claws?"

Agatha and Rio, raising Nicky together in modern times. Just a cute little Christmas fic.

Maybe.

“Do you think Nicky's asleep?” Agatha asked Rio, toying with a cup of spiked eggnog, feet in her wife’s lap.

“No, I think he’s sitting in the dark, listening for the arrival of the flying reindeer on the roof,” Rio said. “You should probably tell him that none of that stuff is real. He’s old enough now.”

Agatha gave the other woman one of her characteristic twisted smiles. “Oh, let him keep his illusions for a little longer. Everyone deserves a few.” She sat up, swallowed the rest of her drink and put the cup aside, pointedly ignoring the way it disappeared as soon as she stopped touching it. “Besides, you know I love this part.”

Rio looked at her with comfortable, familiar affection, tucked up on their couch. “And I do love watching you enjoy yourself, beloved. Though I’m not sure why I have to be the one doing all the acting.”

“Because I’m doing the spell casting,” Agatha pointed out. “And I’m comfortable and uninterested in moving.” She did move enough to close the gap between them, though, enough to kiss the woman she loved, slow and sweet, savoring the contact the way she did every time.

When she pulled back, Rio's hand caught her wrist for a moment. "One more Christmas," she said. "Then we give this up, okay?"

"I don't see why you care so much," Agatha said, ignoring how tight Rio was holding on, the pressure on her wrist almost bruising. "We can talk about it next year."

Rio pulled her close and kissed her again with sudden, breathtaking force, the kind of kiss that ate away at the edges of the world. She pulled back too fast, gasping. "Later," she said, lips still tingling from the contact. "Save it for the bedroom, hmm? You have a job to do."

"All right, Agatha," Rio said with a shake of her head, coming to her feet and doing a melodramatic twirl, green silk pajamas shifting into a dramatic red and white getup, it was always strange to see her in a color other than green. Her nails grew long and sharp, scraping through the air. "What do you think of—Saint Claws?"

Agatha applauded, laughing. "Excellent, very scary," she said. "I wouldn't want to see that bringing me a sack of presents."

It had started out as a silly game, telling the boy that 'Saint Claws' would bring his presents on Christmas, but he'd best not look or else he might be torn to shreds. It was Agatha, of course, who'd escalated, started mixing in magic and costumes to make the whole thing seem real, until suddenly trying to catch a glimpse of Saint Claws without being caught was as much a part of Christmas as receiving the actual presents.

"All right, let's see if I can give you some really dramatic reindeer to herald your arrival," Agatha said, fishing around for the components for her spell, then glanced up to find Rio staring at her.

"You're so beautiful," the other woman murmured, which only made Agatha nod absent agreement, going back to setting up for the spell.

"Come on, up on the roof with you," she told Rio. "Oh, if you see Vision flying around up there, tell him hi for me."

"I thought you hated him?" Rio asked.

"Of course I do, I hate all of our neighbors, but I don't want them to know that, we still have to live here," Agatha said. "Well, I suppose I don't hate Wanda. But I don't see why she married that tinbucket calling itself a man."

"Ags, Wanda…" Rio started, then stopped. Instead, she turned to pull the bag of presents over her shoulder, careful not to rip them with her unnecessarily long claws.

When had that gotten there, Agatha thought. Surely they hadn't left it out in the living room, that was careless, Nicky would have seen it. She supposed she must have taken it out after he'd gone to bed.

She thought about asking Rio, but it wasn't important. Instead she lit the incense in front of her, and began the chant to summon her herd of illusory flying reindeer, listening as their hooves clattered loudly across the roof. She heard the sound of feet thudding above her as Nicky bolted out of bed, no doubt trying to get a glimpse of them landing on the roof. From across the street, she heard the sounds of a shrill voices yelling. At some point, Billy and Tommy had both gotten in on the 'Spot Saint Claws' game, much to the bemusement of their parents.

"Be careful out there," she told Rio. "And try not to gore any children. Especially not ours."

"Only if their eyes linger too long on—Saint Claws!" Rio said, with a terrible, shrieking laugh that made Agatha burst into much more human giggles.

"Oh, you are so sexy right now," she purred, blowing Rio a kiss.

"I'll remember you said that," her wife said, before teleporting away with her full sack of presents, landing on the roof with a heavy thunk. The yelling from outside intensified, alongside something that sounded like roaring, Rio really overdoing it on the sound effects.

"I see him, he's on the roof!" One of the twins said. "Look out, Nicky, he's coming down the right side, get back to bed before he sees you—aaaah! He's looking at me! Mom!!!"

She couldn't hear Nicky's voice, it occurred to her. He should be yelling back or shrieking in terror. Maybe she should go up and check on him, make sure that he wasn't too scared. They'd overdone it when he was four, she'd had to go up and hold him and promise him that she would never, ever let Saint Claws hurt him before he'd calmed down. But he was six now and he'd been so excited to try and spot Saint Claws, it was all he'd talked about when she'd put him to bed.

Still, she should go check.

It took her a minute to get off the couch, and far less time to get up the stairs. "Nicky?" she called as she stood outside his door, and got no answer. In fact, all the sounds outside had faded, none of Rio's ridiculous roaring or the boys yelling. It made her skin crawl and suddenly she was desperate to see Nicky. She wrapped her hand around the doorknob, pushed it open—

She realized the problem, the fundamental flaw, as the door swung open. She could recreate the whole world, but she couldn't remember what her son looked like.

On the ground of Westview, Agatha Harkness sagged and howled, her hands curled into fists that beat themselves into the ground. Next to her, inches away, lay the desiccated corpse of the Scarlet Witch.

"Tell me how it works!" Agatha screamed at Wanda's body. "I've got your power, I should be able to bring him back to me! Why can't I do it?!" A hand touched her shoulder and she jerked, turned to stare up at Rio, Death, her continual stalker. "How did you find me??"

"You summoned me into all of that, Ags," the woman she'd once loved said, looking down at her with an unreadable expression. "He's dead, beloved. You can't fix that with magic."

"I know," Agatha snarled. "Do you think I don't know that, you think I haven't tried? But hey," her lips quirked into a twisted, terrible smile. "I can pretend, can't I?" She motioned to Wanda. "It worked for her."

"I don't think you should," Rio said, voice soft, crouching down next to her. "I don't think that will make you happy."

"She seemed pretty happy, in her little twisted make-believe world," Agatha sneered.

Rio glanced at Wanda's corpse. "…She was. But she was better at lying to herself, I think."

"Do you know, I can't remember," Agatha whispered, the terrible truth slipping out. "I think that's why it doesn't work for me. I can't remember what he looked like. I can't remember the sound of his voice."

Rio opened her mouth, closed it, then wrapped her arms around Agatha without saying a word.

Maybe it was the familiarity or the recent pretense of marriage or maybe it was simply that she was suddenly so tired, every year of her long life hitting her at once, but she collapsed into Rio's arms, let the woman she'd once loved hold her, stroke her hair and whisper sweet nothings in dead languages to her.

Then she had an idea.

"Rio," she said, her voice coming out rusty and raw from the screaming. "You remember."

Death stared down at her, her eyes widening as Agatha's meaning sunk in. "...Beloved, you don't want this. Not really."

Agatha cupped the other woman's cheek, staring into those endless eyes, currently reflecting her back to herself, which wasn't anything she wanted to see. "Why not? It won't make me happy? I don't remember being happy. And it will get what you want, won't it? Come on, Rio." Her lips twisted, curled into a smile brimming with madness. "Marry me. Live happily after ever." She raised a hand, crackling with red and purple power.

Rio shuddered against her, stared at that hand for a moment, then twined her fingers through Agatha's, green and black power wrapping around their combined hands, then spinning itself into a circle, a ring, which slid neatly over Agatha's finger.

"I do," Death said.

Agatha opened the door and Nicky flew into her arms, his face bright with excitement. "Mom!" he said. "Listen, can you hear? Saint Claws is outside!"

"So he is," Agatha said, listening to the melodramatic roaring with a shake of her head, a shake that cleared some of the last of the cobwebs, pushed away any thoughts that might have otherwise intruded. She toyed absently with her wedding ring as she said, "Go ahead and take a look. I'll make sure you're safe."

[pasteldreams]

all i want - m.s.

pairing: bsf!matt sturniolo x reader

summary: matt doesn't know how to deal with his feelings for his best friend

cw: (resolved) angst, crying, cursing, self-deprecating comments, texts, friends to lovers, kissing

a/n: happy holidays friends! this is my first written piece! don't expect too much, but i hope you enjoy lol

based on- driving by dwllrs (lyrics in bold)

word count: ~2k

all i want, all i need,

all i dream, i need you next to me.

what do i want? what do i need?

what do i dream? i need you next to me

 

"are you sure you don't want to go out with us? we're gonna be gone for a while, you don't just want to come for a bit?" nick asks, unsure about leaving his sulking brother alone even for just a few hours.

"yeah, i'll be fine, just leave already." matt rolls his eyes starting to lose his patience with his brothers, who looked down at him as he laid on the couch.

"are you going to text her? weren't you supposed to hang out with her tonight?" chris asks tentatively.

matt's eyes shift, looking straight ahead before going out of focus.

'why'd he have to bring her up?' matt thought, suddenly stuck in his own mind. 'he knows why I can't just text her, why I can't ask her to come over, why i-'

"look bro," chris says, interrupting matt's spiraling thoughts. "she's your best friend. don't push her away just because you have feelings for her."

"can you guys just shut the fuck up about it? I know how she feels about me. I heard her say we're just friends, so why can't you both just leave me the fuck alone?"

"woah, kid. take it down a notch, okay? we know you're upset, but, first of all, you haven't even told her how you feel, and, second of all, she's right. you are just friends because, news flash, you haven't talked to her about it or literally anything for that matter." nick harshly reminds him.

matt sits in frustrated silence as chris opens his mouth to speak. "kid, she's texted me like a hundred times asking if you're okay and what she did wrong. you're scared of losing her, but you're not doing a great job of keeping her, dude."

"whatever," matt responds, opening his phone pretending to scroll through Instagram in hopes they'd get the hint to leave him the fuck alone.

"the uber's outside, so this is your last chance to not spend your night alone in whatever shitty mood this is." nick offers, only receiving silence in response.

 

driving alone

thinking 'bout the times, wrongs were feeling right

'cause you were never mine, i know

i'm lost inside my mind

it happens all the time, when it happens, I wanna go

 

once his brothers left, matt sat as his feelings began to suffocate him. his chest tightened as your words echoed through his mind.

‘am i dating matt? oh, no, we're just friends.'

he felt like running, like driving, like escaping to some other reality. a reality where you knew how he felt, where you felt the same, and, most importantly, a reality where you were his.

matt stood up, his surroundings feeling more like a dream than his own home, as his unsteady legs carried him to the door. he grabbed his keys and he made his way to his car. his mind was too overwhelmed by emotion to have a plan of where he would go once he started the engine.

 

sunsets always hold me, i only go driving when i'm lonely

i wanna go cry, my feelings always leave

i'm running towards a dream that i'll never reach

 

as the engine started, matt felt hot tears begin to roll down his cheeks. he pulled onto the street as he continued thinking of a world where you loved him back. a world that, realistically, could never exist. because you were smart and funny and caring and loveable. and he was just matt… your friend, just as you had clarified.

matt watched the sunset fade as the colors flew past his windows. after what felt like hours trapped inside the hellscape of his racing mind, he felt the car slow to a stop, his body functioning on autopilot. and there he was. parked outside of your apartment.

matt reminisced on all the times he took the same drive to see you. he remembered the nights he spent next to you on the couch, your eyes fixed on whatever film was playing as his eyes were glued to you. he remembered later on those same nights as he gently combed through your hair and traced your soft features while you slept through the movie you had initially been so eager to watch. he didn't mind you falling asleep. quite the opposite actually. he cherished those quiet moments with you, the moments where he could admire you in the way he wished he could while you were awake.

 

all i want, all i need,

all i dream, i need you next to me.

what do i want? what do i need?

what do i dream? i need you next to me

 

suddenly, he felt his hands reaching for his phone. 'what am i doing?' he thought, opening his messaging app. he clicked the name pinned to the top of his screen, your name, opening a thread of 32 unread texts asking what was wrong and pleading for him to respond. more tears threatened to spill as he read your most recent text.

'what the fuck am i doing?' he groans as he closes his phone and lays his head on the top of the steering wheel. 'god, i'm so stupid. i should've never texted her. i should just go ho-.' he sat up, suddenly interrupted by a familiar sound, your text tone.

 

matt felt his heart pounding as his eyes locked onto the screen, his mind racing.

'she's gonna ask what's wrong and what the fuck am i going to say? sorry, i ignored you because i'm in love with you? that's so fucking stupid, i'm so fucking stupid.'

he combs a shaky hand through his tangled hair before resting his forehead back against the steering wheel. the sound of soft taps to the passenger window causes him to jolt up. there you were.

matt's wide eyes take in your messy hair and red eyes. it takes another tap on the window for him to snap out of his trance long enough to unlock the door.

you slide into the passenger seat, the sound of the door closing slicing through the heavy silence. your body faces his while your eyes remain glued to your fidgeting hands. tears spill over matt's lashes as the guilt of how he treated you hits him. he can't stand the way your sad eyes avoid his matching ones. he buries his face in his hands, releasing the emotions that have built up inside him since he overheard your painful but truthful words.

"matt?" your voice cracks wanting to cure his sadness but not knowing what caused it.

"i- fuck." he chokes out through sobs.

"what's wrong? what happened?"

"i just- i fucked up, and i'm so sorry. i should've texted you. i'm so stupid" he says between deep, shaky breaths.

you gently brush through his hair waiting for him to calm down enough to hear you over his ragged breathing. once he's calm enough to face you, he lifts his face up, making eye contact with your soft eyes.

"hey," you give him a soft, yet sad smile

"i'm sorry," he whispers, tears threatening to spill again. "i shouldn't have ignored you."

"i know."

"i uh i missed y-"

"did I do something to hurt you?" you blurt out, unable to keep the question in any longer.

"no," he sighs looking down, "well, i don't know."

"you don't know?"

he could've lied at this point and said that it had nothing to do with you, that he was just stressed about work or his brothers, but he knew you wouldn't forget his hint that you were somehow related to his sadness.

"i-" he clears his throat bringing his eyes back to yours but struggling to maintain eye contact with your intense gaze. "i heard you say something about me to some girls."

"about you?" you questioned, wondering what you could've said to have hurt him so badly.

"yeah," he states simply, with no further explanation.

"when? what girls? what did i say? I would never say anything bad about you."

"no, it wasn't- i just-" he stutters as you stare at him with a mixture of confusion and frustration plastered across your face. "i heard you say we were friends."

you stare at him blankly as rage builds inside of you.

"are you kidding?" you spit

"no," he says quietly

"i've been crying for days wondering if you were okay, only to find out you did all of this because i told some people we were friends? are we not friends then?" your anger slowly turns to sadness. your voice shakes as you feel your heart sink. "because i-"

"no no no, we are friends! i just mean-" he sighs and pulling at his hair as he gathers his thoughts. "we are friends. but I don't want to be," he scans your face as your tears begin to fall rapidly.

'he doesn't want to be friends anymore? after years of movie nights and game nights with his brothers and late night drives, he just decides he doesn't want to be friends?' your mind struggles to grasp the concept of losing him.

"i don't want to be your friend anymore because i want to be more." your faces turns from heart break to confusion as he continues speaking.

"what i'm trying to say is…" he takes another deep shaky breath. "i want to be yours" he confesses. "your boyfriend, i mean. i want to be your boyfriend" he clarifies with a short awkward laugh. "but i know you don't feel the same, and, even if you did, i probably ruined any chance i had by pulling this shit." he references his avoidant behavior. as he looks up at you, he panics not being able to decipher your expression. "can you say something?"

"you really are stupid.”

"huh?" he says, taken back by your harsh words.

"you could've just fucking told me instead of treating me like shit.”

"i know… i know. i'm really sorry i just didn't know how and I didn't want to ruin anyt-"

"i would've told you i liked you back.”

suddenly matt's eyes shoot up to yours, searching your eyes for some indication on if you were telling the truth.

"you what?'

"matt, i've tried telling you so many times, our friends have told you, and i'm sure your brothers have mentioned it at some point. you just never made a move or reciprocated any of it, so i figured you didn't feel the same way about me.”

"no no no, god no. fuck. i can't even explain the way i feel about you." his eyes drift off as he rambles on nervously. "you make me feel safe and warm and happy, like so fucking happy, and i just-"

his eyes train back on yours, realizing how close you both were.

"i just want to kiss you," he breathes out softly.

"you want to kiss me?" you ask still unsure if this is all a dream. he nods.

"can i? can I kiss you?" it was your turn to nod anxiously as his face slowly moves towards yours until you feel his breath fan across your lips

"god, you're beautiful, is this really okay? you really want me to kiss you? it’s okay if y-" he rambles on.

"are you going to kiss me or not, matthew?" he smiles at your sassiness, cupping your face gently before closing the space between you.

as his lips meet yours, the unspoken words and pent-up frustrations disappear, leaving only the feeling of his soft lips and warm hands.

as you begin to pull away from the kiss, matt whispers, "no, wait. i need you next to me," pulling you back into him.

🏷️ taglist: @y3sterdaysproblem, @sofia-is-a-sturniolo-triplet-fan

reply/msg/inbox to be added to taglist!

play button divider by @enchanthings-a and leaf divider by @anitalenia

[aishangotome]

Azel Radwan: Chapter 4 Normal Story

Chapter 4

Thank you @shatcey for providing the video for this chapter!

♡———♡

Azel: Enis, tell the High Priest...

Azel: ...that the God has taken a liking to the foreign girl.

-

(...This is...)

(Didn't this just turn into something outrageous...?)

I knead the dough in the bowl vigorously, trying to calm my agitated heart by focusing on the task.

The series of events at the castle didn't seem to be a dream, as my fingers, tired from excessive kneading, were screaming in protest.

Even so, I don't stop.

My remaining rationality urges me not to vent my frustration on the Living God.

Azel: I think it's about time you started talking to me, don't you?

Emma: ...................

The root of all evil sat perched unceremoniously on the counter, watching me work.

His nonchalant attitude, devoid of any "sorry" or "thank you," made me sulk.

(Enis's eyes had clearly changed color, and the women were flustered.)

(Judging from their reactions, this is the first time the Living God has shown a "fondness" for a specific member of the opposite sex.)

Of course, he's not actually fond of me in the way those words imply.

I was simply used as an excuse to drive away the many women sent by His Majesty the King and the "High Priest."

(...I was taught back when I was Belle that passing on one's bloodline to future generations is one of the duties of royalty.)

(Surely, the Living God, with his special status, is no exception.)

(But... why do I have to get caught up in this squabble?)

Azel: You may be unhappy about this, but I'm unhappy about it too.

Emma: If you're unhappy, then go retract your statement right now.

Azel: No way.

Emma: I hate it too.

Azel: It's a shame you're stuck with that debt.

(Is he going to bring up the debt every chance he gets?)

I crush the dough in my hand, and I think I see Azel's expression twitch slightly.

Emma: It must be nice to be the Living God. Even if unpleasant rumors spread, you can just take refuge here.

Emma: But I, staying in the royal palace, will be exposed to curious gazes.

Azel: In exchange, your treatment will improve significantly. You should be grateful to me.

Emma: ...Shouldn't you be the one who's grateful?

Azel: Then, as a reward, I'll give you the right to call me by my name.

Azel: You don't have to formally call me "Living God." I may not have introduced myself, but I'm Azel.

Emma: ...I'll pass. I feel like there's some ulterior motive.

Azel: Surely not.

Emma: I'll never trust an evil God again.

Azel: Oh, I could sue you for defamation for that. I'll change the amount on the invoice later.

(This person... no, this God...!)

Azel: If you keep being reluctant like that...

Azel: ...the worried princes of Rhodolite might come and attack me.

Azel: Is that alright with you? Violence against a God is grounds for immediate expulsion, but...

(Ah... I see. I have to act like I'm not completely against this at the castle.)

(This is truly unpleasant.)

Azel: By the way...

Emma: Ah!

Azel reaches for the appetizer I had finished earlier and pops it into his mouth.

It's a simple dish of just vegetables and cheese on a baguette, but perhaps because it's unusual for the Living God, his face clearly shows delight.

Azel: Delicious.

Emma: Snacking is prohibited!

As he reaches for a second one, I hurriedly take the plate away.

Azel: Isn't it the same whether I eat it now or later?

Emma: It's bad manners.

Azel: To lecture a God about manners...

Emma: It doesn't matter if you're a God or a human. If I hold back what I want to say, it will never get through.

Emma: I'm dissatisfied with both the snacking and being used as a shield against women!

(This is also something I learned when I was Belle.)

(If I'm deferential just because someone is a prince, I might end up as an accomplice in falling into a trap or being dragged into bed...)

(It's precisely because I've been through a lot that I know the importance of asserting my will without fear.)

Even if the other person is a God and not a human, if I accept everything, I'll become a slave in the truest sense of the word.

That's the one thing I didn't want.

Azel: It's just right that you snap at me like that. It would be troublesome if you fell in love with me.

Emma: You have quite the confidence.

Azel: It's from experience. Some of the women who flock to a God become serious.

Azel: ...Disgusting.

(What's with that way of putting it...?)

Perhaps something happened in the past, as his beautiful face becomes terribly distorted.

His merciful smile disappears, replaced by a clear expression of disgust.

Emma: Is it wrong to fall in love with the Living God?

Azel: It's absolutely forbidden.

Emma: Why...?

Azel: Because it's an eyesore.

*flashback to dream*

???: Love isn't such a great thing.

???: Sometimes it's better to end your life as an innocent person who knows nothing.

*back to present*

(That just now was...)

I stop my hands at the voice that passes through my head.

It should be a non-existent memory, but for some reason, it overlaps with Azel in my mind.

Emma: ...I think "eyesore" is a terrible thing to say.

Azel: Then let me ask you. How would you feel if a man you didn't like clung to you?

Emma: I wouldn't like it.

Azel: See?

Emma: ...That's exactly what you are doing now, though.

Azel: A God is an exception.

Emma: It's not an exception.

Azel: In other words...

(...He blatantly avoided the question.)

Azel: Being loved is an eyesore, and a God will never love a human.

Azel: But the fools still plead for me to "love a human," even though they know that.

Azel: I'm so sick of it.

(I wonder if this has happened many times before.)

(...No. Judging from this look of disgust, something even worse than today might have happened.)

I don't know the circumstances, and I'm still resentful that I got dragged into something that has nothing to do with me, but his genuine distress comes through, and my agitated heart gradually calms down.

Emma: So, the Living God decided to keep me around because he saw in me the quality of someone who would never fall for him?

Azel: That's right.

Emma: Then, there are some words you should say to me, right?

Azel: Huh?

Emma: There are, right?

Azel: ...........

I smile sweetly, and Azel, perhaps understanding what I'm trying to say, furrows his brow deeply.

Azel: ......Please, help me, God, Goddess, Emma.

(Unexpected... If I ask, he'll actually say it.)

(Though he looks extremely reluctant.)

I sense a bit of sincerity, and my anger subsides.

Emma: Very well. I'll consider this helping a person... no, helping a God.

Azel: ...What is this sense of defeat?

Once I've made up my mind, the rest is the same as when I fulfilled my role as Belle.

I swallow my hazy feelings and face the bowl once again.

Azel: Oh, right. I forgot to mention...

Azel: Be careful with your belongings from tomorrow onwards. Who knows where they might plant a love potion* (aka aphrodisiac).

(...........)

Emma: ………… What?

.

.

.

Chapter 5

If you’d like to support my translations, feel free to buy me a coffee here! :)

[soulmatesinc-if]

i honestly have no idea what made me think of this concept (maybe it was the office. not sure) and i hope you don't mind reading almost 900 words of pure brainrot, but i wrote a thing to get myself in the holiday spirit and what better than to project my favorite pastime of eating every dessert i come across onto my husband favorite french ginger (no matter how ooc it might be). i apologize in advance to the people who may scroll past this, if there is a 'read more' option on asks, i did not see it 🙏🏽

The week before a holiday just means another holiday party at Soulmates Inc.

Sydni, surprisingly, doesn't mind the parties. She's not the most lively person in the world and she honestly doesn't talk to many people at her job besides Wyatt and Rachel, but the atmosphere is nice nonetheless.

The place was alive with chatter, laughter, and the faint strains of a Christmas playlist coming from a speaker somewhere (all the songs are very modern iterations of the usual classics, much to her very mild dismay). Some people chose to mingle near the buffet table, while a few other clusters nursed drinks and made small talk near the tackily decorated tree. The groups aren't too far off from what happens every other work day, with that select few crowding the water cooler or the printer for just a little too long, but now there's little tree and snowflake banners on the walls.

Sydni stood slightly apart from the commotion, holding a plate filled with neatly arranged brownie squares. She helped herself to one or two earlier in the party, but once she noticed that she was really the only person eating them, she asked the person who brought them if she could just take them all. She was only half-joking when she asked, but was definitely surprised when they actually said she could. Her stance against the wall was relaxed, her eyes scanning the room with quiet detachment as she absently bit into one of the squares.

She almost immediately took another bite once she heard footsteps, giving herself an excuse to not really talk to anyone, but decided against it once she saw it was just Wyatt.

He stops next to her, opting to lean against the wall for support.

“Whoever's putting these songs in the queue needs to be fired,” he says in lieu of a greeting, immediately fixing his sunglasses to rest atop his head.

She hums in agreement and Wyatt flashes her a smile. Then, just noticing the plate in her hands, his face brightens and an 'oooh' sound comes from his mouth before his hand lifts towards it.

Sydni pulls the plate out of his reach, earning her a confused look from him. She doesn't miss a beat. “I'm not sharing.”

“What?!” Wyatt's look of confusion immediately shifts to shock as he pushes himself off the wall and his hand flies to his chest.

“Did you seriously think that nobody saw you by the dessert table the past fifteen times you were there?”

She knows that he knows what she's referring to. In the hour or two that this event has been going on, Sydni has watched him leave the dessert table with something at least once every 5 minutes. He's lucky that everyone else has been too busy eating the actual food and socializing to notice, and he's even luckier that Sydni didn't care enough to call him out earlier. She saved her brownies and that's enough for her. But now he wants those, too, so she has to say something.

An instinctive noise of protest comes from him before he snaps his mouth shut. Wyatt's face twists into a picture of mock indignation, though the faint color creeping up his neck betrayed him. “Sydni—”

“Andrew,” she cut him off sharply, but there was no real venom in her voice. “I looked back at the table every few minutes and without fail, a new portion was gone every time. I actually like these.”

He heaves a heavy, almost pleading sigh before clasping his hands together. She always forgets how drainingly dramatic he can be.

“Sydni.” Oh no. "My friend. My confidant. The only person on my Beets & Dungeons friends list—"

“Christ.”

“—I am deeply, terribly sorry for being so selfish. I was swept away by the holiday spirit, you see, but I'm sure you don't want to hear my oh-so pitiful excuses.”

Sydni stared at him, her expression unchanging. She let the silence stretch between them for just long enough to make Wyatt shift on his feet a little bit.

...It shouldn't work. It really shouldn't work.

...

What was that about being swept away by the holiday spirit?

“...Three,” she said finally, her voice clipped as she slowly offers up the plate.

He perks up immediately. “Five.”

“Three.” He can't be serious.

“Four.”

“One.”

Wyatt's shoulders slump slightly in defeat as she plucks a single brownie from the plate. “...Okay.”

As he bit into it, his expression shifted from mock dejection to genuine delight. He gives her a playful 'can you believe this?' look before shaking his head with his brows furrowed.

Sydni glanced at him sideways, shaking her head but saying nothing. A faint smirk tugged at her lips, though she quickly smothered it.

He catches the flicker of amusement and grins again, still triumphant despite his loss of two extra possible brownie squares. “You’re too good to me. Cheers.”

Sydni scoffs before deciding to indulge him, picking up the square she bit into earlier to lightly press against Wyatt's before they both take another bite into their respective pieces.

He makes another delighted sound before they slip into a comfortable silence, opting to just watch their co-workers mingle around them.

The silence seems to get Wyatt thinking, though. He turns to her with an almost scarily genuine look. "This playlist is the worst thing I've ever heard in my life."

“I'm telling Eugene to change it.”

“Thank you, fuck.”

Oh

[archivalofsins]

Haruka, Mu, and Kotoko have been guilty for how long now? The first several prisoners to be guilty have been acquitted under their second ruling for how long? This break has been going on for how long? This post took how long? This is old news-

That doesn't matter. If anyone knows how things work here I always show up several days or months late with snacks. This isn't about my mannerisms though it's about theirs- So, let's talk about the subtleties and nuances of the no longer not so new second karaoke collaboration art in,

A Bunch of (Cyber)Punks

A Bunch of (Cyber)Punks [Part 2:] Let's Get Dystopian! (Es and Haruka are donewooo- In progress.)

Part 3: A Matter of Restraint (in progress)

Huh, why didn't I talk about it day of? Well I was doing some other things of importance don't worry about it~ Do I have a history of doing anything bad? It's probably nothing. No concern of anyone's.

You have @apatchworkstar and I to thank for the graphics that will be outlining this post. Hope they help with following along.

Now let's start from zero,

00b Es

The protagonist and the audience's vessel. They have no memory. Once they awaken they become a prison guard within Milgram Prison. They have no particular doubts or desires to learn about their origins. They fulfill their role as a prison guard every day as told to by Jackalope. Es interacts with the prisoners to unravel the truth behind the crimes they committed and the reasons for them. In order to discern whether to forgive them or not. They have a delicate and beautiful appearance but their gender is unknown. Height: 157cm (5'1)

There are some things to note about Es' appearance within the new cyberpunk inspired collaboration art. Firstly, Es breaks the mold of their peers by having a color outside of the main one affiliated with them used to emphasize their outfit.

Where staff could have chosen to go with the gold trim of their iconic uniform they instead opted to use the innocent and guilty colors. Leaning heavily onto the guilty color while using the innocent one to accentuate their shoes.

Choosing this color to accent the shoes could be representative of Es' attempts to put their best foot forward throughout the series. Meanwhile their uniform being all red (the guilty color) could represent the trials of the job or Es' changing perspective when it comes to Milgram as a facility.

It no longer having the stunning golden reputation it once had in their eyes. A recognition on some level that what they're doing is dirty work and ultimately may be unhelpful to everyone including themselves. Something that was shown throughout their statements over the course of trial two.

Yuno's Second Voice Drama (-273.15°C)

1:02s (One minute and two seconds in)

"Regardless of if you are interested or not, I am just going to do my job." Job...huh. Hey, how is it? This chaotic situation you wrought with that splendid job of yours? Is it fun? "What are you trying to say?" Are you personally satisfied? I mean, having forgiven and not forgiven. The inside of the prison is like this now.

10:58s (Ten minutes and fifty-eight seconds in.)

"I'm sorry but that's the sort of place Milgram is." Then I hate Milgram. "It's fine if you do."

11:31s (Eleven minutes and thirty-one seconds in)

Well, I guess so. But if you refer to the law, regardless, I can't be accused of murder. "This is Milgram." Yes, yes. You love Milgram a lot don't you, warden-san? "...That is not particularly true." I'm sure.

Futa's Second Voice Drama (Baptism of Fire)

1:03s (One minute and three seconds in)

"No that's-" Are you satisfied? Since you decided not to forgive me. H... hahaha. Are you satisfied dishing out punishments that are easy to understand? "That's not it..." Huh? "I wasn't thinking you'd receive a punishment like this and I didn't instruct Kotoko to do that, either. Punishments executed through violence..." Huh... "I didn't think it would turn out this way." Keh, heh, hah... hahahahahaha! "What's so funny?" Big words. You did want this- This. Me looking like this. "You're wrong! Finding out why you all became murderers and figuring out how to judge you; that's all I'm looking to do-" Hey. Look at me. My right eye. It looks awful, doesn't it? I to constantly keep it patched up to prevent any trace of dirt coming in contact with the wound. "..." [recoils]

Like a coward who can't face the consequences of their own choices- Yeah, I fucking said it. I'll say it again. Oh they're just fifteen. Didn't stop anyone from hounding the twelve-year old. Time flows differently in Milgram some folks theorize. how convenient we can keep the cycle of dogpiling on children strong. They ain't getting any less fifteen according to some. How long can this remain an excuse. Just because this brat is perpetually fifteen ain't making them any less accountable in my book. Es needs to take some accountability lessons from Amane.

"I don’t agree with the fact you refuse to acknowledge that I have my own free will, and that I should be held accountable for my actions, just because I’m a child. I may have only been alive for 12 years, but all the choices I’ve made, even if they weren’t the best ones, were entirely my own. What point is there in you getting sad when I have no regrets myself?"

Instead of I don't know crying like a fucking child go I didn't mean it to the person they possibly irrecoverably injured due to what they choose to support by voting in favor of it. It's not like Es didn't have suspicions but choose to deem her innocent anyway. Naw it'd be wild if they just blatantly admitted that at any point,

2:57 (two minutes and fifty-seven seconds in)

"..." You forgave her for feeling that way. You- "It's true that I got a bad feeling about that side of her. When she said there are times where it's necessary to stand up as justice against evil..."

I mean certainly she told me everything she was about and I said close to with my full chest yes more of that please but- I didn't know she would do what she did again here! That she'd be a repeat offender and not want to stop. I didn't know that she would use someone having a negative reputation regardless of how small- Be it in the news or my own personal eyes as an excuse to jump those people! How would I have known?!

Meanwhile Futa is just sitting here like,

(Beginning of small tangent)

Futa: Ya know I'll go down this road with you. Play me her first trial video real quick like- Let's hold off for a second here. Because maybe you're telling the truth and there wasn't enough information for you to guess she'd do something like this.

Es: Really?

Futa: Yeah, I'm honestly willing to extend the benefit of the doubt and try to see this from your perspective. I mean I didn't think she would do something like this when everything started either.

*three minutes and thirty-four seconds later*

Futa: ... *head in hands*

Es: I see now how there were a few red flags.

Futa: A FEW?! WHAT DID SHE HAVE TO DO PUT I JUMP PEOPLE ON HER HAT- WHICH SHE TECHNICALLY DID?! She advertised for anyone to see that she jumps people who do crimes regardless of how small. In a building where everyone has done a crime what about voting her innocent seemed like a good idea. Even you're technically doing a crime! One of those people were a bike thief- What the fuck is wrong with you she murdered people over theft this isn't a hard case to solve are you insane? You're accusing us all of murder this facility abducted several people everything in this building has committed a crime. You, me, the fucking air too maybe- Hell probably your rabbit as well. She's gonna kill all of us at this rate.

Es: Well, I don't think she'd do that... But I did extend a generous amount of the benefit of the doubt and assumed she wasn't as harsh on everyone of course.

Futa: ... No, no absolutely not. Hold on... What was Mahiru's?

Es: ...

Futa: Es-

Es: I think we should stop pursuing this train of thought now.

Futa: Are you fucking serious no show it run that shit-

*three minutes and thirty one seconds later*

Futa: ES- SHE'S IN A CAST ES?! A CAST ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS WHY- WHAT ABOUT THAT WAS BAD?!

Es: Don't you wanna I don't know defend your own video or something this is starting to make me feel a bit bad about my choices...

Futa: You should feel bad! And no I at least know I somewhat deserve this but what the fuck.

Es: Okay, okay I need you to know I am not bad at my job I am trying my best.

Futa: Are you?!

Es: Yes; yes I am! I-in fact- I can show you a verdict you'd agree with-I have one judgment you'll agree with completely!

Futa: Oh, yeah sure let's watch it-

*three minutes and forty-eight seconds later*

Futa: Yeah you were right for that. You were correct in that judgment like- God damn how may people did he kill.

Es: Probably less than Kotoko with how things are going.

Futa: ?! Some of us just deserve to be able to leave or at least have locks can we order locks.

Es: I'll order some...

Several months later-

Es: *watching Deep Cover* (Oh fuck Futa was right she is going to kill us all at this point.)

Futa (outside the glass window of the interrogation room which only has this window for the bit): *mouthing* I fucking told you!

Es: *head in hands*

Kotoko: *passed out in the fucking extraction machine*

(End of small tangent.)

All that to say Es be suffering in this job. This job sucks. They aren't paid they get put into coma for several months until they're needed. They don't even get to use the facilities or be around the prisoners like that. Who they admit to being fond of despite everything. They've admitted multiple times that this work is hard on them and they find no enjoyment from it.

They worry constantly about the sort of person this work may be turning them into. They are not doing a good job or having a good time. Trial two does it's best to consistently highlight this wherever possible.

Futa's Second Voice Drama (Baptism of Fire)

2:07s (two minutes and seven seconds in)

According to Shidou, it's likely that I won't ever be able to see with this eye again. Sucks, huh? "I didn't-" "I didn't want that to happen", is it?

3:12s (three minutes and twelve seconds in)

Heh, hahah! Milgram changes shape according to your judgment. The standards of judgment, the world that you want... This is what it's all about, huh? "...It's not like that..." Not forgiving me but forgiving Kotoko... That's what it boils down to, isn't it? Isn't this the result you wanted?! Heh. You're laughing aren't you? Even now, seeing what shape I'm in. "You're wrong, I-" "...didn't think it'd turn out like this"- right?! "A-ah..." I get that.

At times Es doesn't even agree with the judgments they made along with the audience.

Kazui Second Voice Drama Imposter Boulevard

4:20s (four minutes and twenty seconds in)

"The reason I forgave you was because I was lacking details. I still don't understand your true feelings or how things got to that point either." I see. "It was extremely hard to understand. Even with all that poetry, though, your self-absorbed nature was more than obvious." Oh, my... That's quite a sweeping generalization even though you forgave me? "It's a personal dislike of mine. People who act based on their sexual urges like that, that is." It's personal? "Yeah. That's right." That's strange. I did think that despite being neutral as a warden, you had some things you disliked, but... ... Isn't it unusual to openly reveal a personal dislike as a personal dislike? (A.K.A why would you have to reveal this as a personal dislike if you could have just voted me guilty based of it being one. Unless someone else is judging me and you can't just make the decision based on your dislikes alone. Why not just say you dislike it warden and explain why I'm innocent despite that.) "You're splitting hairs!"

This leads me to believe that Es' appearance in the collaboration art is another progression of what was implied with them from the third anniversary art as well as in the second trial voice dramas.

How they're getting stained by their own judgment, their proximity to the prisoners and Milgram. That the more the judge these sins the dirtier their hands get and the further under they go. That Es as the warden of Milgram and the proxy of the audience is finally starting to question what that fully means.

And is now asking the question Milgram as a facility has asked since the beginning-

When all three trials are completed, what will be the ending that awaits the prisoners and you?

That maybe the prisoners have been when they said,

See? Aren't we the same? - You're... the same as us aren't you? You just got caught up in a bigger picture.

Futa Second Voice Drama (Baptism by Fire)

6:16s (Six minutes and sixteen seconds in)

"You and me...the same? Me, who decided not to forgive you, not anticipating that you would be severely injured for it, being the same as you... Who killed without anticipating the other person would die, is that what you're trying to say?" That's right. What's the difference...? Mahiru is still on the brink of death! If she had died from that we'd be exactly the same! "... Don't make a fool of me!" Huh? "I've seen it! The way you got amusement out of your actions like it was just a game! The way you so easily elevated yourself to act as a one-person jury!! That, being the same as me?!" ...! "You've gotta be kidding! I am the warden of Milgram, the one who judges your sins! It's not just you and Mahiru- I've faced all ten of you prisoners with my own life. Don't lump me in with someone like you, who used someone's sins for cheap entertainment!"

It's Not My Fault

1:08s (one minute and eight seconds in.)

"Sorry for hurting you, but I didn’t mean it- I am doing this is just because of being bored. We are just the same."

Futa Second Voice Drama (Baptism by Fire)

7:33s (seven minutes and thirty-three seconds in)

...Heh... Haha...Ahahahaha!! Pheeww.... WHF-AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! YOU'VE GOTTA BE A COMPLETE IDIOT! "Excuse me?" JUST HOW BIG OF A DEAL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?! Seems like that fancy hat and outfit of yours are making you feel real high and mighty! "Careful with your words, Prisoner no.03."

Shidou's Second Voice Drama (Aesculapius)

1:48s (one minute and forty-eight seconds in)

"Don't lump me in with you! You're an inmate, I'm the warden! Now that I've started this I intend to see it through to the end."

Now of course there are other explanations for why they would go with red instead of the usual gold associated with Es' uniform.

Red could have been chosen as an attempt at not having too many shades of yellow within one image. Though for that to make sense one would need to blatantly ignore the several shades of blue, the repeated adding of yellow and green hues on prisoners who have never had that color (looking at Haruka and Amane)- As well as the simple fact Futa's prisoner color is red and they made it lighter so Es could have the guilty color basically but we'll get there when we get there.

Still, even ignoring all of those points. The color chosen here isn't even the one most associated with Es when it comes to merchandising. Even the light from the Hallucination event has their color as green while every piece of merchandise has their color as the one behind them within the collaboration art promotional image,

The color used for most of Es' clothing here is the red that stains the edge of their uniform within their character art on the website. The color most associated with the Milgram website overall and with being guilty.

Outside of those instances this color lines the box Es holds in their second trial character art and within Undercover. The infamous 000 box. After we see it for the first time we're shown this image,

This one image displays just how similar Es is to the other prisoners within Milgram. At the same time it serves to display how above the others they believe themself to be. The other prisoners' ten boxes lie on the floor at Es' feet beneath them in ever way as their own box sits right by their side literally put on a pedestal.

This superiority Es feels is displayed from their very first interrogation,

Haruka's First Voice Drama

6:02s (Six minutes and two seconds in.)

[slaps Haruka] It hurts. What are you doing?! "I'm the prison guard. That just now is how I'll educate you prisoners. I'm allowed to do so."

Want to take this moment to point out that in Futa and Kotoko's second voice dramas Es states that punishing people with violence was never something they supported. Yet they say this is how they'll educate the prisoners right after smacking Haruka in the face then continue to get violent with prisoners over the course of trial two. Just throwing it out there for the second point.

[grabs Haruka] "Got that. Listen carefully, prisoner number one. I'll say it any number of times- I'm the prison guard. Understanding your true nature is my job. No matter what you are or whatever nasty work you've done- I'll see all of it. Making judgments is my job. To say something like that... "You'll be abandoned"? Don't take me so lightly." [faint whimpers] "Until I know your sins and complete my judgment as to whether they're forgivable or unforgivable-"

"You're objects for me to govern."

"Don't think I'll let you escape." Prison guard... [giggles] "Wait a second... Haruka, what are you smirking for?" Ah, I'm sorry. It must be creepy, right? "It does creep me out." [throws Haruka]

"It's a personal dislike of mine. People who act based on their sexual urges like that, that is."

Yuno's First Voice Drama

3:44s (Three minutes and forty-four seconds in)

Hey, hey- What did you and Haruka talk about? Making that boy smile like that must've taken a lot of thought, right? "I will not divulge the contents of what was said during that interrogation. However... Let's see. Shall I enlighten you about what I did? I slapped him right in the face with all my strength and made sure it hurt." Wow~ Is that why he came back with such a bright smile? Well, isn't Haruka Mr.Kinky!"

Haruka's First Voice Drama

7:24s (Seven minutes and twenty-four seconds in.)

"It does creep me out." Ah, you've got it wrong... This is a strange thing to say but it made me a bit happy. "Happy?" Yeah. "What an odd thing to say even if I'm the one saying that. Being imprisoned being restrained even being interrogated like this too-"

Haruka's Second Trial Voice Drama

6:01s (Six minutes and one second in)

Mmnn, nnghh! ...I'm not an idiot...! "Yes you are, idiot! I don't dislike idiots who know their place, but as you are, you're a cocky idiot instead. Just looking at you makes me sick! Idiot, idiot!" Ghh...! You're mean...! "Sure I am. Anyways, right now, calm down- Haruka. Your past self would've been a lot more cooperative right now." Fssh... *sniffle*

"I just wanted to be your good boy- Why am I crying again?"

[slaps Haruka] It hurts. What are you doing?! "I'm the prison guard. That just now is how I'll educate you prisoners. I'm allowed to do so."

"Please don’t say that I am a loser- Hug me again as you once did." - "Haruka, what are you smirking for?"

Haruka Second Trial Voice Drama

8:30 (Eight minutes and thirty seconds in.)

"And you believe that killing someone because of that was the right thing to do?" I don't know! Then what should I have done, in your opinion? Even after stealing things important to her, my mother still wouldn't show any interest in me! Then what do you think I should have done?!

MILGRAM / Character Voice Trailer [Full Ver.] Glitched Voiceline

"Then what should have I done instead?! Tell me! Tell me so even I can understand!"

Then what should I have done, in your opinion? - Then what do you think I should have done?!

Haruka Second Trial Voice Drama

9:03 (Nine minutes and three seconds in)

As I thought. Warden-san, you're not my mother at all. "Huh? Never have been." Yeah... Yeah, right, everyone only has one mother. The mother who never looked at me wasn't my mother either. "What are you saying?" Heheheh, hahahaha...! "You're pretty scary, you know." Haa... I'm sorry, warden-san. For causing you trouble.

"What an odd thing to say even if I'm the one saying that. Being imprisoned being restrained even being interrogated like this too-"

Futa's First Trial Voice Drama

10:46s (Ten minutes and forty-six seconds in.)

Last words...? Oi, Es! "What is it?" Why were you laughing? "Hm?" You did so at the very beginning! You evaded my question by saying, "I was just thinking to myself"- Didn't you? I've been feeling restless ever since- That really gave me the creeps ya know?! "Oh, that. It's because you're the first prisoner to actually act like one. To be honest, it made me a little happy. So, that might be the real reason I was so keen on teasing you." Haaaa?!

"Isn't it natural to get angry in these sorts of situations?" (Haruka's First Trial Interrogation 7:48 Seven minutes and forty-eight seconds in.) - "You're the first prisoner to actually act like one. To be honest, it made me a little happy."

Over the course of Milgram- Step by step, interrogation after interrogation we learn more about Es. Their likes, dislikes- How they show concern for others. The sort of the people they're biased towards.

Yuno's First Trial Voice Drama

7:36 (seven minutes and thirty-six minutes in)

"Yuno. On the outside, you look like you're fooling around tut on the inside, you're actually a good person." Thank you for that. You're giving me too much credit though, you know? "However, it also explains why you've given up. About yourself, human beings, even the whole of society, you've realized everything- That's why your expression is so cold." Hm, what's this? A lecture?

Q.16 Do you have anyone you hate?

Yuno: People who like to lecture you.

"Just shut it, will you? You know it all."

Like really, who do you think you are? - JUST HOW BIG OF A DEAL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!

Slowly but surely we're being shown the sort of person Es is. The same way we're being shown the sort of people the prisoners are. On their second trial cds the prisoners are given doors that they are blocking in some way.

Every door is ajar or cracked open slightly.

I believe the 000 box that Es is holding within their second trial character art serves the same purpose as the prisoners doors in their second trial cd covers. It's a doorway to the sort of person Es is,

Since the one's sat beneath them are more than likely belong to the other prisoners and they all appear to be the same colors. All black with red accents to mark them as murderers/sinners. It's possible that Es while being chosen as the guard may be a murderer themselves.

Oh wait but then what about the 011 line that Kotoko says within Deep Cover,

“UNDER” Inept “011 Guard”

Well, and I type this with joy in my heart and a smile on my face. Kotoko is misinformed, ignorant, and completely incorrect about how these numbers work. Similarly to Futa- Kotoko is a character that is used to poke fun at the assumptions and behaviors of the audience.

In her case she makes fun of the audiences habits including my own of running with our own assumptions regardless of what the story tells us.

It's like Yuno said,

"Really? If you ask me, Kotoko is someone I would never want to make my friend though. She's the type who picks a conclusion from the very beginning and won't actually talk to you."

Kotoko is the sort to pick the answer she likes the most and run with. Simply ignoring anything else that may contradict her preconceived notions. Instead of compromising she's more likely to just blame everyone else around her for not falling in line with her way of doing things. Say things like people are always like this, it always goes this way etc- Without ever wondering since it's always going that way for her then maybe perhaps this may just be a her issue and there's something that she needs to work on within herself.

Naw it's society that's wrong. She's not an entitled individual that fully believes that everything in the world should bend to her whims and anyone that doesn't listen to her the voice of reason can't even be considered human.

Nothing would imply that.

Kotoko's Second Voice Drama 10:15s (ten minutes and fifteen seconds in)

How ridiculous... It's always like this... All you weaklings always act like this... All you enjoy seeing someone getting hurt... "Might be so." All of you enjoy seeing a bad person falling down... "Can't deny." You keep asking for it but as soon as it happens near you by your own choice, you all start complains and evading your responsibility-

Lol, literally no one asked you to do this. Literally no one. How I did it for you ass people get when someone goes when did I ask you to though? "Why are you people always trying to evade responsibility for what you had/made me do?"

You're always like this... Always such idiots! I acknowledge it. You're the strong one and we're weak. You're right. But that's how we are. You have no power, and yet you make no effort to gain it! You're talking about justice, but it just doesn't make sense! You're invested in people's disasters, yet you take a position of "I have nothing to do with it"! You can't even face your true selves!

Deep Cover

Swaying to and fro? Laughable justice So ridiculous, isn’t it ridiculous-

"The scale tilts to and fro, I yearn to be found “GUILTY” but it tilts towards, find me “INNOCENT”."

"Can’t stay away- Please don’t forgive me." - "What do you mean INNOCENT, if this is my punishment- Now I see, this world is cruel and merciless."

"Should I knock on the door?" - "So ridiculous, isn’t it ridiculous- They’re still here, still here, it grates me."

The swinging to and fro comment that Kotoko makes is more a reference to Shidou's second trial song and the way the audience dictates the verdicts. Swinging to and fro going up and down in percentage points.

Pretty much how the Milgram voting system works.

So, Kotoko doesn't have to be talking about Es in Deep Cover at all. In fact it would make more sense if she was talking about the audience.

Deep Cover as a song already directly references Undercover. If Kotoko saw Es' video than she should know that their number is 000. As we went over just a few paragraphs back Es' music video does nothing to hide that fact.

Now if she just heard the song that's a different story but given some of the observations she makes and the fact we know that she was hiding out in the interrogation room during extractions from Mikoto's first voice drama- Possibly making him the only person she did not see the first trial video of since Es had her leave the room before the extraction began. Though she seems to reference it just fine in Deep Cover. So, she probably still saw it.

However, he getting the numbering system from Es' video would explain why she's using three digits instead of two. Since no one would automatically assume that a group lower than a hundred would be numbered in the three digits. Usually they'd assume it'd go 1-10 straight no added zeros or how Es says it in the voice dramas,

Futa's Second Voice Drama

"Careful with your words, Prisoner no.03."

Haruka's First Voice Drama

"Got that. Listen carefully, prisoner number one."

In most instances Es hasn't even really used the extra zero themselves. It is unlikely that Kotoko got that information from general conversation. Meaning that she's either seen the visuals to get that information or completely wild assumption she just ordered the CDs to Milgram and has been listening to them all.

Since the numbers are also on those. As well as on certain promotional material,

Yet, even then 000 is on Es' own cd cover not in the center like with the other prisoners but it's there right on the left none the less,

Kotoko would have to be really bad at gathering information to miss all the things that plainly state that's Es' number is not 011- Or more than likely she was referring to the audience/voters like many other prisoners were during this trial.

Now, let's talk about the 00b used within this post. As we've gone over I'm not using the traditional numbering system. The number system I'm using is the one in the save file names for the character art on the Milgram website.

Es' character art on the website is literally named character_solo_sp_ character_00b and Jackalopes character art has the label character_solo_sp_ character_00a.

This continues to highlight what Jackalope has said about this being his Milgram and puts him firmly above Es,

This is a good time to note that the prisoners from this point forward will be numbered based on how they were in their character art file.

But the promotional images and even the cd covers use three digits. So, why don't you- This is funny. It's funny and it's new information. I don't need any other reason than the fact that I just want to honestly. Plus it's an easier way to cement the information to memory for me.

Now from this information I've begun to speculate that Kotoko may not have actually gotten a good look at the other prisoners music videos. That she is in fact going off of the assumptions of the audience. That it might be possible prisoners not only hear what the audience is saying about them but others as well.

Tying into what Kotoko said about knowing this is what the audience as well as Es wanted but now both want to act like they had nothing to do with it.

There's no reason that this couldn't be a situation of both these things happening and she not only saw the music videos but heard the audiences desires in regards to other prisoners. It's just some of the things she states in Deep Cover are so surface level that I find it hard to believe that she really got a good look at the information herself. If most of the information she has gathered is from the audience and her own observations from living with the others... It would explain why she wouldn't be aware of this other numbering system.

Since it's something directly related to the Milgram website and her circle of information begins and ends within the Milgram facility.

Unlike Futa who had QR codes throughout his second video linking directly to the websites voting page. Implying he for sure knows about the website. Something that has yet to be explained. Personally I haven't seen anyone discussing the file names of the images from the website. It certainly may not have been discussed enough for the staff to find it necessary to add into the story in any noticeable way as of now.

Meaning there's a good chance that info just wouldn't have come across Kotoko's radar yet. I don't doubt she'd know about the three digit system because it's quite literally plastered everywhere.

Either way she'd still be referring to someone else because the audience has known Es is 000 since Undercover the song her second trial one pays homage to. If she knows enough about Es' song to directly reference it than it would make sense for her to know their number too.

One could posit that Kotoko made Es eleven based on the b part which would make Jackalope the first zero. This could also be a clever attempt on her part to position Es as beneath herself. Since she's literally last in line every other prisoner is above her numerically. Something that she could find grating. This would continue her parralels with Futa and Haruka who both seem to get upset at things like that as well,

"Can I be your favorite this time?" - "Pressure, pressure! Whatever you do, you’re still last in line."

"They’re still here, still here, it grates me."

Besides the 000 box this red is predominantly associated with Milgram. As it is the same red used throughout the website. Meaning this could allude to Es being consumed by their work/losing themselves in the job as well.

The fact that the color most heavily associated with guilt is what was chosen as their predominant accent color could allude to how they've begun to view themselves over the course of Milgram due to the choices they've cosigned and the results that followed. The sparse green on the shoes possibly being representative of their good intentions and putting their best foot forward from the position they're in.

The fact that they had many areas to accent and choose to put as little of the innocent color in as possible and even add the red to inside of the cape says a good deal about the intent to me.

However, when mixed with Es' expression in the art it only becomes more apparent.

Gone is the anger of their second trial character art as they have a expression of uncertainty. Their eyes wavering as though trying to stand firm to their own choices while doubting if they were correct.

This issue was alluded to during the "Report on the end of Second Trial",

You’re afraid that your decisions are going to lead to something that you can’t take back?

"Hm, I see......how absolutely ridiculous. There is nothing in this world that you CAN take back. Not just in MILGRAM. You can’t turn back time. And anyway, whatever happens to them, none of it can be taken back. It’s not for the guard to worry about."

Anywho- on to prisoner 01!

So many pictures for Es alone well I guess that means no one else is getting a lot. Unfortunate but the others should be more straight forward.

01 Haruka

Wow, it sure would suck to be given affection just to have it taken away. That certainly would be a cruel and unusual form of punishment. Especially if the person being treated in that way stated upon first meeting them that they were wary of that happening to them again,

Haruka First Voice Drama

"I-I shouldn't get too i-involved with people in the first place. Even with all the prisoners they might misunderstand. It's no good."

Why is that? Just do as you please. The bonds we share with people are the very thing that shows our human nature, that's what I believe.

"It's something, I can't even tell you, prison guard!"

Even to me?

"You shouldn't get too close to me. Bringing misfortune to people is the only thing I'm naturally good at. The more you know about me- I'm sure I'll bring misfortune onto you as well, prison guard."

Haruka.

"Because! Because... Ah, I'm sorry... For just talking by myself."

Continue.

"It'll happen sometime. I... I... Even though I try to be normal, everything gets ruined."

"You, everyone, if you knew me... If you knew everything that I did... I'm... I'm gonna be abandoned. That's bound to happen."

So wary in fact that one could very well consider his current circumstances a self-fulfilling prophecy. Ah, no- did I say current circumstances... My mistake-

Luckily, that didn't occur at all.

That's what I meant to say. Because that definitely didn't happen. I mean how many people would so willingly walk into such an obvious trap? I mean really- If everyone else was jumping off a cliff would that make any of you want to join them?

This is the bandwagon mentality dragged to light over the course of Milgram. A lot of the time it doesn't matter how realistic the concerns stated are.

Say for example,

What if character x hurts y?

What if the relationship between these two characters is unhealthy?

What if the choices I cosigned lead me to a situation I can't take back?

Silly concerns like that doesn't make a person more or less justified in their opinion. It's valid for anyone to think or believe anything on a situation they become aware of regardless of how little or how much they know. To ask a person not to think is the same as asking them not to exist at all.

Yet, when people assert those thoughts onto others and try to dictate how a stranger exists. Well, that's the line between an individual and society, right? At that point it's best to live at the behest of the majority no matter how incremental that majority is. It's only fair that a system puts the will of the many over the will of the few.

It's unfortunate isn't it?

Seeing what being a part of the minority feels like. To a lot of people Milgram will be their first and possibly only taste of that frustration.

The sort of frustration one feels when losing in a game, a work of fiction- Yet, would easily belittle those for feeling in regards to real world decisions that may possibly have a great negative effect on a many people.

Thinking back on every loss in Milgram. Every character that one may have wanted innocent that wound up guilty. Each one some may have wanted guilty that wound up innocent. The way many may have pushed for their desired outcome, the echo chambers created to circulate the same information over and over more easily, the fussing over what comparisons to real life forms of discrimination are okay and which are not.

All the while everyone is still compared the material to real life issues that suited their egos more. Issues that served to frame the actions presented as something the character acting them out had no choice in. Something easier to sympathize with or in other cases something completely inexcusable or unforgivable. A senseless act of cruelty by an uncaring and unsympathetic character that deserves to get as good as they gave in the narrative.

Using tactics not too different from their detractors, most people who have engaged with Milgram have worked to make their voices heard in one way or another. Be it through their votes, comments, or fanworks. All using the same social issues and biases they may balk at when used under a different framing.

Isn't it cruel to recognize that some people only care about other individuals, systemic ills, and mistreatment only as far as it allows them to support themselves and no further? As long as doing so can make them feel good.

Isn't that such an immensely disheartening thing

It's a subtle self-serving aspect of every individuals ego that they can't look past. One thinks x is good because they can relate to x and if x isn't good then that means they aren't good. So, x must have been justified, there must be a good explanation for character x's actions-

Because if there's no good explanation for them what does that say about the part of us that relates to and sympathizes with them.

If this character turns out to be bad it's as if the story itself is saying the viewer is bad.

Isn't it a terrible thing when one can't see past the good they want to see in someone and view the person who is standing right in front of them. All so they can spare their own feelings. So, the viewers ego doesn't get bruised...

It's ceases to be about gaining an understanding of the person or character becoming more about validating oneself through them.

That individual or character ceases to be a construct separate from the viewer turning into an ideal to strive for a projection of the viewers own self-worth.

The thing validating their identity.

Telling them it's okay to be as they are.

So, when the reasons laid out fail to live up to the viewers interpretation they end up feeling betrayed.

In real life this mentality would lead to the people being treated this way feeling forced to walk on eggshells in order to keep being good in that person's eyes out of fear of being discarded. Behaviors that they may want to change become hard to break because they can't be sure how that person will feel about them if they change. They try to keep a good distance from people because what if someone learns too much and doesn't want to be around them because of it. It cultivates insecurity in every action and thought.

Truly it's a lucky thing nothing like that occurred here-

Let's face the reality though.

The world is uncaring and merciless. People have the right to their feelings. Even the negative ones. Once someone is let down they have the right to show and discuss that disappointment within reason. There's no good reason to verbally berate or emotionally abuse another person disappointment or not.

If showing that disappoint means things are over,

"Are we over? Please don’t answer."/ "I imagined that you saying "See you" is the same as "It's over”."

That person who once saw the best of them can only see the worse,

"Tell me, why are you drifting away from me? Tell me, why do you say it’s my fault?" / "If you don’t hug me, even our hearts will start drifting apart."/ "Hug me again as you once did."

If there's no way to proceed so things need to end,

"You won’t be forgiven, it was stupid licking each other’s wounds. Justice assemble! Till the end!" - "I swear! I'm going to be a good girl now! That's it!"

"You already knew, the whole time- You can’t escape, how do you like the taste of punishment?"/ "After you cry, repent, and kneel, it’s now your turn to say that hopeless “I’m sorry”. You’re sorry? I don’t care! Please, go ahead and die already. Remember MY cries, MY repents, MY words of “I’m sorry” that I said to you?"/ Fuck it! Don’t you think so? You won’t be forgiven, a coward, never!

If hatred ends up growing there,

"If you’re going to make me the villain- It’s ok to ignore me."/ "“He’s a liar”, you said, and made me out to be a scoundrel, why?"

"Hey, what if- If I am a bad girl? Don’t hate me. Don’t even try to proof from “After Pain”."/ "All those ridiculous accusations- Hurting it, holding it down, it doesn’t change anything, does it? Ahhh, It’s the same anywhere I go! It’s like what’s wrong isn’t wrong!"/ "Hold on. It’s not my fault- You knew it, right?"/ "All I did was dream, so you find me INNOCENT, it’s that simple right?"/ "I am innocent as everybody desires I am relieved, I am always the drama queen."

If something occurs that can't be taken back.

"“Throw down” the invitation that I can’t take back. Lying, replacing with hope."/ "If it damaged someone’s dream to the point of stopping it. I want gouge you out with my fangs."

Those sorts of experiences are just as much life as anything other ones are.

They're not something to run away from or attempt to avoid. They're just experiences and not all of them have to be eternal for them to hold meaning. Sometimes there's eternity in the transient. That's why when people pass away they don't suddenly matter any less to the lives of the people they touched.

To expect a person's opinion not to change, the past not to follow any of us, is to run from the fullness of ourselves. Our own existence.

The simple truth is when people are presented with troubling, overwhelming things they panic, worry, and look for the path of least resistance. Our brains don't immediately slow to a crawl, panic not ensuing giving us an abundance of time to think things over and lead us to the perfect outcome.

A solution that can work for everyone. Sometimes we can only do our best with the limited time we're given.

In the same vein there are things in life that are unacceptable regardless of someone's personal reasons for committing to a course of action. Everyone has a line a breaking point and even if it's not unforgivable in the eyes of society it may still be unforgivable to the person who committed the deed.

On that note, Haruka why on earth do you have a sword?

I mean certainly you threatened to end your own life but hara-kiri isn't the way my guy. They cut people's heads off for seppuku out of mercy. Disemboweling oneself is not a fun pastime. Put the sword down and let's talk this out.

Immensely cumbersome blade one to use for that too. You positive you don't want to at least get a boxcutter from the storage closet or your close friend Mu?

All poor taste stress jokes aside- He's really doesn't seem to be holding that offensively.

The series has been foreshadowing Haruka's threats of self-harm from the beginning of the second trial. The design chosen for the cyberpunk inspired karaoke collaboration manages to invoke that imagery in a subtle new way while still eliciting the same emotion from the observers as say his timelines over the course of the second trial,

24/04/19 (Futa’s Birthday)

Futa: ––Hey, are you really ok with this? If you come with me, there’s a chance you can be saved too…… Haruka.

Haruka: Yeah…… I’ve made my mind up. I have, something, that I have to do.

Futa: Ah, is that right…… Haruka, you know, you’re an idiot. There’s no way…… that will save you……

Haruka: Yeah, thank you. I’m glad you came to talk to me, Futa. Um, thank you, for being so kind. Really. But, I’m sorry. This is all I’m able to do……

I don't want to spend too much time harping on such a stressful plot point.

Especially one that's been hung over the audiences head for far too long at this point in my opinion. Though it felt a bit rude to just outright ignore the implications.

Now with that acknowledged indulge me as we step down a different avenue.

That avenue being the coloring of Haruka's outfit within this colab.

I find it interesting that they used a color associated with Mu for the inner lining of his clothing. Circling back to that first voice drama for a bit... Let's take a lookback to discuss Mu and Haruka's relationship over the series.

In Haruka's first voice drama he says,

"The ones who often talk to me are Yuno and Mahiru, and uh Mikoto."

Then he goes on to add Futa and Mu,

"Also, Futa. He's a little scary but he pays attention to me. I sometimes to speak to Mu as well."

It's funny to see how things have progressed since then. Mu was the very last person Haruka mentioned. He put so many other people before her back then- But now she's kind of become all he talks and thinks about.

23/04/07

Haruka: Please forgive Mu-san. Please forgive Mu-san. Please forgive Mu-san. Please forgive Mu-san. Please forgive Mu-san. Please forgive Mu-san. Please forgive Mu-san. Please forgive Mu-san. Please forgive Mu-san. Please forgive Mu-san. Please forgive Mu-san. PleaseforgiveMu-sanpleaseforgiveMu-sanpleaseforgiveMu-sanpleaseforgiveMu-sanpleaseforgiveMu-sanpleaseforgiveMu-san

Then despite the fact that Mu is younger than him he refers to her as san. Though it seems Haruka refers to everyone as san. So, that isn't too weird.

Wait hold on- Except for Futa who he refers to as kun. I- what the hell Haruka???

20/06/28

Futa: You said you don’t play any games, right? Do you not watch league or premier either?

Haruka: E-eh, I, I don’t understand, what that is…… That… uh, “leeg”?

Futa: Huh!? It’s international soccer. It’s normal for guys your age to know stuff like that. What a pain… I really have nothing to talk to you about, huh. Even though we’re around the same age. Also don’t speak to me so formally. It’s gross.

Haruka: Ah, e-excu-, I don’t, I uh… got it…… Futa… kun……

21/04/19 (Futa’s Birthday)

Haruka: U-uh, um, Futa-kun! Um! Um!!

Futa: Huh? Shut up already… Didn’t I already say not to make a big fuss about my birthday. I’m not some kid who gets excited by stuff like that anymore!

Haruka: ……?? Ah, er, i-is it your birthday……? Th-that, ah, um, h-happy birthday……

Futa: ………… You will tell nobody about this conversation.

Though that seems to be only because Futa voiced discomfort with Haruka being so formal with him. Well... Except for the fact he goes from referring to him as kun to just not using any honorifics at all trial two. Um... What the hell? Pardon?

24/04/19 (Futa’s Birthday)

Futa: ––Hey, are you really ok with this? If you come with me, there’s a chance you can be saved too…… Haruka.

Haruka: Yeah…… I’ve made my mind up. I have, something, that I have to do.

Futa: Ah, is that right…… Haruka, you know, you’re an idiot. There’s no way…… that will save you……

Haruka: Yeah, thank you. I’m glad you came to talk to me, Futa. Um, thank you, for being so kind. Really. But, I’m sorry. This is all I’m able to do……

Fucking Yuno going to using no honorifics for Mu to using them vs Haruka going from using them for Futa to not.

Haruka has that Zantetsu from Blue Lock "Hey only my friends can call me stupid." mindset.

Haruka with Es in his second voice drama,

"Shut up-!"

Ngh!

"GUH!"

I hit you as punishment for being an idiot! Maybe this will help remind you of your original intent.

"Mmnn, nnghh! ...I'm not an idiot...!"

Yes you are, idiot! I don't dislike idiots who know their place, but as you are, you're a cocky idiot instead. Just looking at you makes me sick! Idiot, idiot!

"Ghh...! You're mean...!"

Sure I am. Anyways, right now, calm down, Haruka. Your past self would've been a lot more cooperative right now.

"Fshh... *sniffle*..."

Don't call me stupid you're mean guard! You're a meanie! You're a jerk I hate you- I can kill anything smaller than me ya know!

Meanwhile Futa standing at 5'4ft (165cm) to his 5'7ft (174cm) "You know, you're an idiot." Haruka, "Yeah, thank you."

Alright, friendship is magic actually.

Great job you two. Great job- Round of applause for them. Because this is such subtle character work that's honestly impressive and easy to overlook.

Now back to the really overt shit.

By that I mean the,

"This is all I'm able to do..."

Foreshadowing that he's going to try to kill again because in All Knowing All Agony they literally show this is all I'm able to do over and over again as he's committing murder.

Oddly enough DoctorBunny and I were discussing this for completely unrelated reasons.

So, you can thank him for this explanation.

It's, "kore shika nai no" 'I have no other choice than this'/'I can only do this'

"This is all I’m able to do……" - "I will keep on killing to be a good boy. I can't stop, I can't stop!"

Though it is said a bit differently in the timeline itself,

"でも、僕はこういう風にしかできないから、ごめん" Demo, boku wa kouiu fu ni shika dekinai kara, gomen. But, I can't do it in any other way, I'm sorry.

Even so the same allusion can be seen.

In a way this makes it feel as though the only reason Mu and Haruka grew as close as they did was because everyone else he was speaking to had no time to do so after the first trial.

Mikoto became like that. Displaying mannerisms that Haruka admits to finding scary. Using how fear inducing Mikoto's behavior was as an excuse for why he didn't approach him until the intermission ended. Futa was having difficulties as well...

However it doesn't seem as though he was outright avoiding Haruka. Instead he seems to have been keeping a little more to himself while he tried to get a grasp on his own issues. In his attempt to tackle the issues he was facing due to his guilty verdict Futa wound up being comforted and motivated by Amane when she approached him during that difficult period.

In the same way Mu approached Haruka after their verdicts were decided,

21/06/22 (Haruka’s Birthday)

Mu: Haruka-kun, are you awake……? Happy birthday.

Haruka: M-Mu-san? I… I-I’m awake…… Th-thank you, very much. I’m… glad……

Mu: ………… Shall we talk? You know, recently I’ve been pretty interested in you.

Haruka: ……!! I-in me…? Hehe, hehehe…… interested, in me.

22/04/19 (Futa’s Birthday)

Futa: Ahh…… I’m not wrong…… I wasn’t doing anything wrong…… Shut up, why are you going on an on about something so minor…… It has nothing to do with you…… Aaahhh……

Amane: Oh, were you talking to yourself, Futa-san? Or maybe there’s something there you’re able to see?

Futa: ……! O-oh, it’s just you. It’s nothing. ……but well, on that note. Hey. Don’t you have anything happening too? Since being in here, just suddenly getting anxious. Feeling as though loads of people are all there condemning you, telling you you were wrong.

Amane: ……I’m fine. I don’t know what you’ve done or what it is you’re worried about, but I think if there’s something you believe in, you should stay true to it. It’s not something that should waver just because other people said something. I personally don’t plan on changing my own beliefs even if I’m told I’m wrong either…… ……today is your birthday, correct? I’ll pray for God to keep you under his care.

So, Mu and Amane both approached Futa and Haruka at a time that they were both isolated and vulnerable. Many people discuss how Amane's character dissects the recruiting habbits of cults and religious groups. Yet, it's hardly discussed how Mu's characterization dissect the clique behavior of school settings.

The habit of kids taking advantage of each other by giving attention to isolated individuals within a class in return for favors. Help with difficult things. Such as someone giving the smart kid who isn't that well liked a bit of attention just so they'll maybe let that person copy off of their homework because they feel indebted to them.

Popular girls going up to new students then telling them who they should talk to and shouldn't in order to continue ostracizing certain students. Though I think a lot of people aren't at the point to discuss the cult like dynamics that take place within school settings and they way students prey upon each other within them. I'm just bringing this up because it aligns with the point being discussed.

That being Mu and Amane approached both of these guys very sneakily where others were less likely to intervene and then we rarely saw them talk to anyone else for a good stretch of time. Mu is dissuading people from going in and checking on Haruka guaranteeing that she has everything under control and is taking care of him. Kotoko is doing nothing to stop whatever he has planned and the only person who has actively attempted to convince him there's another way is someone he's fine ignoring the input of outright because he's sure he'll respect his decision even if he disagrees with it.

As well as him repeatedly stating he's doing what he's doing for Mu's sake not his own.

23/06/22 (Haruka’s Birthday)

Mu: Haruka-kun, I brought your food. Are you still alive? Has any mould started growing?

Haruka: ……ah, thank you very much. Mu-san. Sorry, um…… I……

Mu: You shouldn’t just lock yourself in your room all day. You have to eat your food properly. Hm, well…… I do understand why you’re feeling down. It feels bad. The atmosphere recently.

Haruka: Um, I’m totally fine…… Just a bit, I’m thinking, about how to do it. What to do, what to do, to…… fulfil my promise. For Mu-san’s sake……

"I promise! A good girl that keeps a promise is like, mwah!"/ "I just want to be your good boy. I will keep on killing to be a good boy."

"I promise to make my dreaMU come true."

Yep, nothing similar about these two situations at all. It's only wrong to do things like this when religion is attached to it actually. There are no other circumstances where this behavior would be questionable. It's like people are more comfortable with scrutinizing religious beliefs that deviate from their norms more than actually interrogating exploitative practices.

Noooo that couldn't be- That's definitely not the case. If that were true then an adult women with the right to choose how she practices religion and raises her child for herself would be considered more of a victim than the child she was abusing. Because life is hard, raising a child by oneself is lonely, and cults exploit people at their most vulnerable. So, she'd be a victim too. Hell probably even considered more of a victim than the child by some.

Because it's easier to blame religious beliefs more than reckon with someone's consistent commitment and active choice to be their worst self. Acting like the religion was in the house with her when she decided to waterboard her daughter, go out to buy that taser, and choose not to abuse her daughter as heavily when her husband the pastor was home.

Meanwhile Mu is over here saying,

"God gave me everything, everything is as I wish."

That has nothing to do with religion though. She's just feeling herself a bit too much she doesn't really believe that god gave her everything and anyone that goes against her god given right to rule deserves to be crushed. What would give that implication.

Sorry, got sidetracked there for a bit...

My main point was Futa was having his own difficulties and to his admission later had very little time or energy to spend concerning himself with someone else. Considering how Haruka has moved from using kun to no honorifics at all it doesn't seem like either was outright avoiding the other.

It makes me wonder how these relationships would have developed if both Futa and Mu were innocent trial one, if Futa was innocent and Mu guilty, or what if Haruka, Futa, Mu, and Amane were all innocent or guilty. If both Futa and Mu were innocent alongside Haruka I could see them both taking a familial role in when it came to Haruka. Possibly making it a bit more balanced. If they were all guilty that would be incredibly interesting.

Looking into it further is making me wonder if at that point Haruka would be pleading with the warden to change their mind. Despite what he said at the beginning. Would his fear of children get worse. Would Mu have become more reliant on Haruka instead. Those sort of things.

It seems to have strained Haruka's relationship with Mikoto the most. I wonder if they were both guilty at the start if he'd have approached him more. Futa is a bit easier to discern. Since he flat out states trial two he has no time to worry about Haruka because he's not a kid. Yet, given he's the first to show concern later when he stops leaving his room this doesn't seem to be the complete truth.

His disinterest in looking after Haruka may have been his concern with his own wellbeing, him not being a kid, or simply the fact that he wasn't guilty. All Futa could see was Haruka having a good time because Haruka to his own admission was having a good time. He told Mikoto this when speaking to him on his birthday and reiterated it in his second trial interrogation through blatantly stating,

Q.03 Do you want to leave Milgram?

Haruka: I want to stay here forever.

Certainly he could just be focused on Amane due to the fact that she is the youngest there and the most in need of help. Yet, at the same time he showed concern for Mikoto who was going through similar things as he was as well warning him that it would only get worse. He also avoided speaking poorly about Kotoko in his second trial voice drama blaming her behavior solely on Es using her.

Futa has consistently tried to sympathize with individuals he's convinced himself are going through the same things as he has or is going through. It's easy to brush that off by going Haruka isn't a kid so he's not concerned- but it's telling that as soon as Haruka starts displaying mannerisms that implies he may have been voted guilty Futa is the first to go and ask if he's okay.

So, it's difficult to say if he concern towards Amane is just because she's younger than him or due to them going through similar things. Regardless of the reasons Futa's view of Haruka has changed. He's begun to view him less as someone who needs his help now possibly seeing him as an equal or someone competent enough to hold their own by themselves.

Not a person in need of coddling or favoritism. Not a pitiable weakling in need of love,

"I’m so lonesome, please love me."

In contrast we've yet to see how he views Amane now. They haven't engaged at all since the end of trial two.

23/04/19 (Futa’s Birthday)

Futa: ……! Oi, is it just you. Don’t scare me like that. You shouldn’t just stand there saying nothing. Hah, what? Did you just come to laugh at me for being weak? Dumb brat.

Amane: No. I just came to observe. To see what people are thinking. To see who is being corrupted. What about you, Kajiyama Futa?

Futa: I understand even less of what you’re saying than I did before. Brat, you’re on the side who weren’t forgiven too, right? ……so why can you still stand. Don’t you can hear it too? The voices blaming us. ……I don’t have the energy to do anything like this.

Amane: It goes without saying. Because there’s something far more important than the voices of people we can’t even see. People are able to get back up again. As long as there’s something to guide them. Kajiyama Futa, by coincidence today happens to be your birthday, correct? Don’t you think it’s a good opportunity to be reborn? If, right now, you could shake off those around you trying to drag you down to depravity, and could change––

Since this moment the two of them haven't spoken in a timeline. There's been implications of them still communicating but they've mostly been highlighted speaking to other prisoners. We've yet to see how their dynamic has evolved over the course of trial two. Though we've seen that Futa has recognized Amane as someone going through the same thing as him.

Someone that can actually get fired up over the same things he does and understand what he's been going through. Not only that he recognized her as someone who faced what he couldn't and kept standing even after Kotoko's attacks. Since they share a similar mindset when it comes to apologies and rules.

Ultimately, Futa for reasons could no longer view Haruka and Mikoto in the same way he did within his trial one voice drama,

"Ah, Haruka and Mikoto are completely useless by themselves. I really have to take the lead with them."

They're no longer people in need of his help that were helpless on their own. Mikoto was able to stand up to and fend off Kotoko. Someone Futa couldn't handle himself. Haruka was able to be voted innocent something else Futa couldn't manage to do on his own.

Due to that innocent verdict Haruka grew more confident and assured. Maybe it was due to that newfound confidence he wound up gravitating towards certain people and distancing himself from others.

A change from his first trial because during that he was putting in more of an effort to get along with most of the prisoners. Though he was clearly uncomfortable around Amane and Kotoko. He still made an effort around them and in some cases those efforts paid off. Near the beginning of trial two Haruka makes it clear he'd been avoiding Mikoto.

This is a pretty big change from his first trial. Then he tells the audience this during his second trial interrogation,

Q.11 Which of the other prisoners do you get along with least?

Haruka: I don’t dislike Amane any more. I’m not scared of small children now.

Haruka states that he was scared of Mikoto but he no longer dislikes Amane because he's not scared of small children anymore. Instead he's now scared of an adult who encouraged him to work on his communication skills more,

20/06/05

Haruka: Ah…… ah, u-um, Mikoto-san. The c-communication……? thing, that you were saying was important. I-I thought, I’d give it my best…… Um, so, Mikoto-san, what’s your favourite food……?

Mikoto: Ooh? Nice going, Haru-kun~ Yeah, we still have no idea how long this lifestyle will go on for, so it’s best if we all get along together here. My favourite food…… I like pasta and horse-meat sashimi. Also bubble tea, and recently I’ve been big on custard puddings. What about you?

Haruka: ……ah, I, I wonder…… H-hamburg steak, and omurice, a-and also…… what else? Ah. Cotton candy……

Mikoto: C-cotton candy!? That’s the first time I’ve met someone who has that in their top three favourites!? ……man, Haru-kun, you really are hilarious.

"If I tried and couldn’t say it, you would get angry at me and say “You’re hopeless.”."

something similar to what he was complaining about being unable to do in Weakness. Now Haruka's discomfort and fear around Mikoto could be due to him going a bit out of control during the intermission as Mikoto claimed. However, it isn't particularly difficult to see how Haruka could be projecting his issues with his parental figures onto Mikoto as well.

In the same way he's begun to consider Mu his mother he could see his abusive father within Mikoto. Similarly to how Kotoko's form of punishment may have reminded Amane of her own mother. Playing into how Haruka is looking to make his mother proud and Amane is looking to make her father proud.

As well as why we see both Mu attempt to mirror Shidou's caretaking behavior towards Mahiru with Haruka. In order to cement her importance and show her usefulness. In a way do what Shidou has done and prove that she's indispensable in her own right. Prove that she's just as needed as him because she's the only one who can take care of Haruka right? No one else can.

Presenting this parallel between Shidou and Mu while having Haruka refer to her as his mother draws to attention Shidou's own attempts to take on a paternal role when it comes to Amane. It's as though regardless of whatever option is chosen Milgram is recreating the circumstances and validating the mindsets that led the characters to offend to begin with.

Once Haruka had been assured and gained some confidence he separated himself from people who seemingly had a lower standing than him and gravitated more towards those with the same one. This is even reflected in his statement on the attacks trial two,

Q.09 What do you think about Kotoko’s attacks?

Haruka: Scary- But aren’t they all the people you thought were bad?

A sentiment that mirrors Mu. Despite everything those people have done for him. Mahiru even being the first person to wish him happy birthday within the prison. Despite those trial one moments the audience never sees Haruka attempt to reach out to Futa, Mahiru, or Mikoto during the first trial intermission.

Even though prior to their verdicts he had recognized that they were there for him and had reached out to speak to them with ease.

He uses Mikoto being scary as an excuse for his negligence when it came to checking in on him but he didn't check in on Futa either. Mahiru was and is still to our knowledge injured and he hasn't checked on her once.

Yet, he did make sure to check in on a certain someone who has remained innocent,

21/09/02 (Yuno’s Birthday)

Haruka: Y-Yuno-san. Good morning! T-today’s your birthday, right……? Ha-happy birthday……!!

Yuno: Oooh…… Thanks? You’ve definitely changed a bit huh, Haruka. You speak a little louder now, and actually look people in the eyes when you talk.

Haruka: Eh, ah, i-is that so…… I wasn’t, aware of it myself, but…… Heh, hehe. Is that so.

Yuno: Ding ding! My sensor is telling me…… this is probably a girl’s influence. Well, everyone here is slowly changing, I guess. Even me.

Ahn, while I'm here throwing people under buses lets hit the gas a little harder.

For someone uninterested in their own age he sure remembered Yuno and Kotoko's birthday's rather easily. And you know what let's turn that bus into a semitruck for someone not interested in his own age he certainly remembered his own birthday just fine-

20/06/22  (Haruka’s Birthday)

Haruka: ……*sigh*……

Mahiru: Haruka-chaaan, come over here a bit! I’m looking up everyone’s horoscopes right now to check our compatibility~ What’s your star sign~?

Haruka: Ah, erm…… s-star sign……? I-I don’t know. Can’t remember…… B-but, my birthday’s June…… 22nd…… I think, that was it……

Mahiru: Ok then. June 22nd is Cancer, so…… A kind person who prioritises their feelings, and…… hm? That’s today!? June 22nd! You should have told us~ Happy birthday~!

Haruka: Huh? Ah, yeah…… Th-thank you…… very…… much…… hehe……

Like not even gonna hold anybody up Haruka has every prisoner's birthday who he cares about memorized.

20/08/05 (Kazui’s Birthday)

Haruka: ……Kazui-san…… um…… Are you, happy…… on your birthday……?

Kazui: Hm? If I’m being honest, at this age I don’t really think much about birthdays any more. But…… it can be nice to have as a means to start something. Like, for a friend you haven’t seen in a long while, it’s a good excuse to suddenly start up a conversation, you know? Being able to hear from a bunch of people like that makes it fun.

Haruka: I-is that, so…… That’s… nice…… I’m, kind of… jealous. But, I’d also, want to hear from people…… e-even if, there isn’t a reason……

Kazui: Haha, but it can’t always be like that. You know, for us adults…… we always want a reason or an excuse for everything. ……hm? Wait, is today my birthday? So is that why you went out of your way to talk to me yourself for once, Haruka?

To the point he wished Kazui a happy birthday when Kazui didn't even know it was his birthday himself. Mahiru got that information and Haruka kept notes. This is literally Kazui's first birthday interaction.

The only way Haruka would know this is from what Mahiru did.

So like he could've checked in on any of the guilty prisoners or wished them a Happy Birthday he chose not to. Well every prisoner's except Futa's whose birthday he did not bother to remember considering their interaction on,

21/04/19  (Futa’s Birthday)

Haruka: ……?? Ah, er, i-is it your birthday……? Th-that, ah, um, h-happy birthday……

And how when he doesn't even wish him happy birthday during the timeline on April 19, 2024. Instead they just talk about if he's really okay with this.

So, some characters simply don't remember the birthdays of certain prisoners.

Now there is a chance that series decided there were more pertinent moments to highlight over the intermission outside of those. That wouldn't change the fact that the series has shown Haruka forgetting Futa's birthday once and he didn't wish him Happy Birthday during the timeline this year either. Making it more likely he simply forgot again.

Something that is implied to have happened with Mikoto on Kazui's birthday. Since Kazui has to straight up tell him it's his birthday. As well as the fact that the series has been pretty good at implying when more than one person has told a character happy birthday. As shown with Mikoto. maybe the canon decided it wasn't important to overtly display that and instead just imply it which may be the case with Futa.

Then there's that timeline I keep bringing up but not showing where Haruka does blatantly admit he's been avoiding Mikoto,

22/10/06 (Mikoto’s Birthday)

Haruka: Mikoto-san. Um, are you ok……?

Mikoto: Ah, Haru-kun. It’s been a while since we last talked, huh. Yeah, I’m fine. Are you doing ok……?

Haruka: Ah, I’m fine. I’ve been enjoying myself, a lot. Um, I’m sorry, for avoiding you. I was a bit scared. Of you, honestly……

Mikoto: Ahhh, yeah. I’ve been lashing out whenever I go to sleep, right? ……it’s fine. Even I think you’re right to be scared. You know, I kinda just hate that I don’t even know what’s going on myself…… haha. Ah, but despite all that you still came and talked to me because it’s my birthday, right? Thank you, you’ve grown into a good man.

It's even implied he remembered Mikoto's birthday in this timeline. Sure, maybe that is wishful thinking on Mikoto's part. However, given Haruka's timing in the past and his consistency I don't think he's forgotten.

Mikoto may not be able blame him but I can.

His behavior over the course of the first trial intermission and during the beginning of trial two can come off as cocky and full of himself. As Es aptly put it he went from an idiot who knew his place to a cocky idiot. Due to his innocent verdict he went from believing he was wrong to boldly stating,

"I wasn’t wrong, I wasn’t wrong."

Is it really surprising that he'd want to be around people of his own standing when this is his mindset.

Of course he wasn't making too much time or trying to be seen with people who were deemed in the wrong or losers. He's better than that. Es and the audience said he was better than that. That he wasn't wrong. All of them collectively extended forgiveness and understanding to him. Then like the old saying goes,

"Give people an inch and they'll take a mile."

He took a mile and ran with it right alongside Mu,

"I am innocent as everybody desires. I am relieved, I am always the drama queen. It’s not my fault."

Whatever happens to the people who weren't found innocent isn't their problem. I mean those are all people Es found bad and they saw them as good. So, they must be right about that too.

Q.09 What do you think about Kotoko’s attacks?

Haruka: Scary but aren’t they all the people you thought were bad?

Q.10 What do you think about Kotoko’s attacks?

Mu: It seems pretty rough. But the people getting punished are the ones the guard said they wouldn’t forgive, right? So isn’t it fair enough?

To question Es' judgment for them is to doubt their own innocence.

Meaning, Es has to be right for them to be right.

For that to be the case then the attacks have to be justified those people were wrong and they got what was coming to them. They were the scary ones not Kotoko the person the guard found innocent who jumped several people.

In fact she's someone that Haruka felt comfortable confiding his plan in. Someone he had no issue going up and conversing with after everything that was done. Because she's innocent and if the guard found her good like him then she must be good.

It's only natural for him to confide in her especially since she's so close to guard after all.

I mean,

22/08/05 (Kazui’s Birthday)

Kotoko: ……Mukuhara Kazui. Thanks to you, I wasn’t able to properly serve justice to those who did something unforgivable. I’m currently acting as an agent for our prison guard Es. Don’t get in my way next time.

Kazui: Oi oi, don’t be silly, Yuzuriha-chan. There’s no way I could just look away from your outrageous display of violence. Anyway, even disregarding the fact violence against those voted guilty isn’t a part of Milgram’s system, what you’re doing is just acting recklessly based on a broad interpretation. As long as I’m free myself, I’ll stop you.

Kotoko: ……what a pointless argument. Hmph. Since Es forgives you, I have no choice but to forgive you myself too. If you to keep to your words, then you’d best do what you can to keep being forgiven. If you’re not, then next time you’ll be one of my targets.

Kazui: Oh, how scary. That girl truly is frightening. ……well then, I wonder what the guard will decide to do with me. That’s the one thing I really can’t make out. Honestly…… Of course he'd tell her.

Kotoko has gone about the prison announcing that she's working directly alongside Es since the first trial intermission started. To the point that multiple people have actively brought up the questionable nature of Es' associates.

Hell, Jackalope brought up this was the case in the trial one end report-

I told you before, that she doesn't look like just anyone, but I didn't think she'd make it this far.

"It’s unprecedented for a prisoner to try to negotiate a verdict. But you decided to agree to it, good grief. I don’t know what will happen bringing an outside influence into your job. But whatever the cause, your verdict is all that matters. So you better take that in."

So, the implication that she was going around getting full of herself and presenting the idea that she was working with the guard was rather immediate. Then Jackalope, Yuno, and Futa all made it clear that Kotoko was directly associating Es and the audience while doing what she did.

Claiming that this was the will of Milgram, the guard, and her. Of course if Kotoko is on such good terms with the guard Haruka and Mu are going to try to be on good terms with her.

This leads into Kotoko being blamed for Mu's circumstances this year,

24/07/05 (Mu’s Birthday)

Mu: You know, I think this is all your fault really. Everyone’s on edge because you lashed out. And because of that, nobody’s paying attention to me any more. It’s kinda boring. I don’t get it.

Kotoko: ……you went out of your way to say that to my face? Aren’t you scared of me? The next target of my fangs might be you.

Mu: Why? Kotoko-san, aren’t you punishing the bad guys? I didn’t do anything wrong. And anyway, fufu, you’re talking like you’re fine too. Aren’t you gonna be not forgiven too this time? What will you do then? Start biting yourself? Fufu, that’s hilarious. I want to watch.

Kotoko: ……you’re good at provoking people. I’ll pray that you won’t be forgiven this time. When that time comes, I’ll be sure to crush you.

It was easy to blame Kotoko. Haruka and Mu thought if they just picked the right friends,

Q.18 Do you regret anything?

Mu: I think maybe I should have chosen my friends a bit more carefully.

Had the right parent, or environment-

Q.10 If you could turn back time, would you commit the same “murder”?

Haruka: I don’t know. If I was in Milgram I probably wouldn’t.

Then none of this would have happened.

It wasn't a problem with their mindsets or choices it was always an external issue outside of their control. So, of course they would believe just being alright with the right people, within the right place, not causing any trouble or giving any solid opinion on what was going on around them would only help their cases.

Q.19 Would you forgive the other prisoners?

Haruka: Yes. They all must have had their reasons.

Q.13 What do you think of the other prisoners’ voting results?

Mu: I don’t care, wouldn’t it be better to just forgive everyone? Let’s just get along.

Neither wants to rock the boat too much. Because as a lot of people like to remind us when the nail that sticks up gets hammered down. It's best to just toe the line between pitiable and competent enough to be needed.

Yet, being that doesn't get anyone attention. It doesn't make others look at them as their favorite person. Would just skirting by like that feel fulfilling enough to them? Is that sort of lifestyle something that could satisfy their egos.

"If you want to betray from jealousy."

Q.20 Did you hate the person you killed?

Haruka: I wonder if I did. I was jealous of them.

“Can I be your favorite this time?”

"I am innocent as everybody desires. I am relieved, I am always the drama queen."/ "I told you I’m queen, and it will never be changed."

Jealousy and betrayal have been themes that appear within both Haruka and Mu's stories repeatedly. The tables being turned on them, people's opinions of them changing, that inconsistency of moving from top to bottom over and over again. Even the relationship they formed within Milgram with each other is unequal.

Where from Haruka's perspective it's codependent and they're both relying on each other but from Mu's it's that of queen and servant. That of a leader and their lesser. Haruka listens to her not the other way around because,

Q.01  What do friends mean to you?

Mu: People who listen properly to what I say.

That's what friends are for after all.

My point is that both Haruka and Mu got it in their heads that Kotoko was someone special to the guard. Someone that had been given the right to act in such a way from the guard. That she was their favorite and since she was the one who did the attacks they had better not complain. Because Kotoko presented herself as being such. The guard found her innocent while knowing the proposal she had made. Of course she would make it clear to anyone in hearing range that the guard accepted her deal.

It was the only way for her to continue to differentiate herself from the others. The only thing that allowed her to believe that she wasn't like them. That she wasn't just another prisoner. That she had some control over the system. Even if all she was doing amounted to playing dress up as the deputy for a short while. The guard had still accepted her and treated her as an equal.

Nothing could change that and that made her different from all of them. She did something no one else was able to she brought the guard down to her level and made sure everyone knew it. This wasn't just about the will of the guard or Milgram but about her will as well.

During trial two a lot of prisoners attempt to replicate Kotoko's behavior to varying success. Haruka is the most overt example of this. As he attempts to imitate Kotoko's behavior and make a deal with the guard of his own for Mu's innocence.

Haruka doesn't just do this to prove that he can be the guard's favorite too that his word can hold some weight with them. He mostly does this as a last ditch effort because he's afraid of how a guilty verdict will change Mu. In the first place the only reason that Mu decided to give Haruka attention more actively directly after her innocent verdict. It wouldn't be hard for Mu to associate her innocent verdict with her change in heart towards him.

21/06/22 (Haruka’s Birthday)

Mu: Haruka-kun, are you awake……? Happy birthday.

Haruka: M-Mu-san? I… I-I’m awake…… Th-thank you, very much. I’m… glad……

Mu: ………… Shall we talk? You know, recently I’ve been pretty interested in you.

Haruka: ……!! I-in me…? Hehe, hehehe…… interested, in me.

Yet, everyone else who used to pay him any mind stopped doing so after they were voted guilty. So regardless of if he wants to be the guards favorite which it's implied he wants to be in All Knowing All Agony he still would have had a vested interest in avoiding Mu being guilty if he didn't want her to change on him too.

But the thing is with Haruka and Mu they're both after the same thing- Attention and they'll both do anything to get it.

24/07/05 (Mu’s Birthday)

Mu: You know, I think this is all your fault really. Everyone’s on edge because you lashed out. And because of that, nobody’s paying attention to me any more. It’s kinda boring. I don’t get it.

22/06/22 (Haruka’s Birthday)

Mu: What’s wrong, Haruka-kun? Did something happen? You shouldn’t look away like that when you’re together with me.

Haruka: Ah, s-sorry, Mu-san. Um…… No, it’s nothing. I just, suddenly got a feeling. That something is about to happen.

Mu: Isn’t that because it’s your birthday? Or perhaps it’s a sign the guard is about to wake up again soon? Fufufu, I bet they’ll be really surprised at a lot of things.

Haruka: That, might be true. But, I want the the guard to see. ……the new, me…….

So, it should be a bit concerning that Mu is talking to Kotoko about how no one is paying attention to her any longer all the while Haruka is now being shown talking to everyone but her.

"And can I just say, you really let her rile you up, don’t you? Does she touch a raw nerve or something? Oh before I forget, about Haruka Sakurai......are you sure about that “guilty” verdict? Weren’t you offered some sort of deal? I mean, not that I care. I guess that means you thought the same."

But that's a matter for another day I suppose. During Haruka's second voice drama he attempts to weaponize any positive feelings Es has towards him and the prisoners in general to sway how they'll vote on Mu's trial later on by threatening his own life. Because certainly Es wouldn't want any of the people they've grown to know in Milgram to die or get hurt if they could stop it.

That was obvious from their response to Kotoko's action.

So, if Haruka cannot threaten them directly in order to coerce the outcome he wants out of them the next best thing would be to threaten himself. If the gambit succeeded Haruka would not only have secured that Mu wouldn't change on him but he would be the favorite that Es made a deal with. He would have done something that even Kotoko could not do. Haruka would be the one who managed to sway Es' verdict not for his own benefit but for someone else's.

Haruka doing this sets up Mu and Kotoko attempting to do so again later well. As Kotoko tries to convince Es to vote everyone but her guilty and Mu attempts to convince Es to just vote everyone innocent. Both of them being far too late when it came to those requests or suggestions. Kotoko does this by attempting to persuade Es and the audience to vote everyone outside of herself guilty through Deep Cover. While in her voice drama Yonah she tries to convince Es similarly to Mu in her second trial voice drama to stop thinking so hard about all of this and just leave the judgments to her.

Mu's Second Voice Drama [Queen B]

Original Transcript

"Either way, there are prisoners much more deserving of a 'not forgive' than me, so I think you should focus your energy on those guys instead. Like, Kotoko-san has been up to no good for example. Ah, but what she did was approved by you, wasn't it?"

...You're making my blood boil.

"Anyway... I think you would do good to forgive me. Then Haruka-kun would be safe, too. Ah, actually, couldn't you just forgive everyone? Then Kotoko-san won't run amok, and you won't have to think about all the difficult stuff!"

...That is... a very enticing proposal.

My own interpretation of it,

"Either way there are prisoners much more deserving of a guilty verdict than me. So, I think you should focus your energy on those people instead. Like, Kotoko for example. She's been up to no good- Ah, but all the things she did were approved by you, weren't they?"

....You're making my blood boil.

"Anyway- I think it would be good for you to forgive me. That way Haruka would be safe too. Ah, actually- Couldn't you just forgive everyone? If you do that then Kotoko won't run amok and you won't have to think about anymore difficult stuff!"

"I mean, I personally would just say GUILTY to all of them to avoid all this hassle."

Kotoko's Second Voice Drama [YONAH] (This is literally going to just be my interpretation of what was provided.)

Have I... Failed...as a warden?

"It's alright... It's alright, Es."

Kotoko...

"Come here."

No... I- d-don-

"It's gonna be alright."

L-let me go, Kotoko...

"I know it well. It's difficult to take on the responsibility of guard all by oneself. I've felt that way too. You're such a kind person. You can barely stand after seeing how the prison has changed through the power of your judgments. You need someone by your side that you can rely on to help carry that weight. Leave all the dirty work to me."

I'm... a kind person...?

"Is your head still hurting? Don't worry. Leave it to me, together we'll be able to create the right Milgram."

I see... that Milgram... ...N-no! Let me go. Stop holding me.

"What?"

I... I'm not wrong..! [punches/hits self]

"What are you doing hurting yourself like that? Have you lost your mind?"

"Me... as a warden...imperfect? Have I- failed...as a warden?"/ "Please don’t say that I am a loser."

"Don't get ahead of yourself. It's all good and well that you've changed, but your past self just might have been smarter."

...!!!!!!

"..."

Ugh...! Why? Why, why, why are you saying things like that?!

"...!"

It's weird! you said you forgave me, Warden-san! It's weird for you to tell me that I'm wrong now!

"...!"

Arg- it's weird! It's weird!!

"Pipe down! You're hurting my ears."

...You're mean. You're so mean... I, I-I can kill anything that's smaller than me, you know!

"Hahah! You sure have developed an attitude. Go ahead and try. Idiot!"

Don't... make fun of me!

"I wasn’t wrong, I wasn’t wrong!"/ "I'm...not wrong..!"

"Mommy, look, I’ve done great “There there, my good boy!”/ "You're just like a guardian, Jackalope."/ "……You’ve finished your duty and it’s nighty night time. Okay, okay. You did a great job. You've exceeded my expectations. Good night, Es."

Kotoko's Second Voice Drama [YONAH]

If you keep up like this Milgram will turn into a huge mess!

"Even so, I've been dealing with it this whole time! I've been desperately thinking about all the prisoners including you! So, I don't think I was ever wrong! No matter what hell I turn this place into I won't run away or make someone else deal with it!"

...!

"That's what being warden means! It's my responsibility to step into you prisoners' hearts and minds! That's why it's up to me to reconsider if I continue to work with you."

Es' Voice Drama

"Got it."

"Why?" You're not gonna ask me that?

"It's that kind of thing right? I have a duty to govern this prison. Even if my memories are hazy, that's all I remember."

Heh, that's perfect.

Kotoko's Second Voice Drama [YONAH]

[sighs and scratches at head] How stupid... Ah, it's always like this. All weaklings at this way. You all enjoy seeing someone get hurt.

"Maybe so."

Revel in seeing a bad person fall.

"Can't deny."

All of you keep asking for it then as soon as it happens near you due to your own choices you all start whining and evading responsibility. You're always like this- always such idiots!

"I acknowledge it. You're the strong one and we're weak. You're right but that's how we are." / "I wanted to be a pitied and loved weakling- I was in denial, I was in denial."

If Haruka is given the attention he's been begging for from the audience or any of the other prisoners it's readily apparent how competent he actually is. Despite his consistent downplaying of his abilities. He's the one prisoner within Milgram who has managed to fly under the radar and not have animosity flung towards them by any of the other prisoners.

He's managed to be on decent terms with everyone. Something that Mikoto the more outwardly sociable of them has failed to do. In fact despite Mikoto doing his best to get along with everyone he's ultimately wound up shunned and treated like a imminent threat by everyone within the prison and he's only bringing more ire his way.

Meanwhile Haruka has the concern of most of the Milgram prisoners. When he holes himself up in his room he has multiple to people asking if he's alright despite their current circumstances. Shidou even taking time away from looking over Mahiru and having beef with a child to ask Mu if he's alright.

All while still recognizing he isn't a child and someone who's decisions and privacy deserve to be respected. When he asks Kotoko to cooperate with him by looking the other way she agrees. Despite her dismissing all of Mikoto's attempts to team up since the beginning this series.

20/07/01

Mikoto: Hey, hey, Koto-chan. I’ve been thinking this ever since I first heard your name, but don’t you think the names “Mikoto” and “Kotoko” kinda sound like siblings?

Kotoko: No.

Mikoto: Don’t say that! Let’s get along well from here on as the Koto-Koto combo!

Kotoko: I’m not doing that.

23/12/15 (Kotoko’s Birthday)

Haruka: ……please, don’t tell anyone. And also, please, don’t get involved. All I can do, is ask, you……

Kotoko: ––Fufu, fufufufufu. That’s a crazy thing to be thinking. Honestly, it’s weird. But I don’t hate it. If only all the wrongdoers were like you.

Haruka: No…… that’s wrong…… That’s not, why I’m doing, this…… This, isn’t for me…… I have to protect…… so, Kotoko-san…… please……

Kotoko: Eh? Ah, yeah, yeah. Well, I promise I won’t get in your way. Honestly, if I could, I’d love to do it myself, but I’ll step back this time. As for what happens next…… I wonder. It depends on Es.

That's some embarrassing shit right there. It's more than likely because Haruka came to Kotoko from a position of her lesser and not from the angle of an equal that led to her being so accommodating. However, there's a stark contrast between Haruka's timeline interactions trial two and Mikoto's,

23/06/22 (Haruka’s Birthday)

Mu: Haruka-kun, I brought your food. Are you still alive? Has any mould started growing?

Haruka: ……ah, thank you very much. Mu-san. Sorry, um…… I……

Mu: You shouldn’t just lock yourself in your room all day. You have to eat your food properly. Hm, well…… I do understand why you’re feeling down. It feels bad. The atmosphere recently.

Haruka: Um, I’m totally fine…… Just a bit, I’m thinking, about how to do it. What to do, what to do, to…… fulfil my promise. For Mu-san’s sake……

23/07/05 (Mu’s Birthday)

Futa: Oi, you. Is he ok? He’s not even left his room lately.

Mu: You mean Haruka-kun? Hmm. Yeah, probably. I’ve been bringing all his meals to him so he should be fine. Isn’t that great of me?

Futa: Hah? Who the hell says that sort of thing about themself. ……ah, no, well, right now I understand a bit. When you’re feeling down, it’s nice to have someone who relies on you and accepts you. The rest of us can’t really understand you from where we’re standing. But well, if you’re Haruka’s “salvation” then I guess it really is great.

Mu: Salvation……? I don’t know what you mean. Futa-kun, you don’t sound like yourself. Did you hit your head or something? Oh, wait, you actually did, didn’t you. Ahaha. Ah, putting that aside though, did you know it’s my birthday today?

Like hell not even in their trial two timeline interactions but in the prisoners response to Mikoto isolating himself in comparison to Haruka and Amane isolating themselves. Even from Futa he's coming over here concerned but when Mikoto's verdict was impacting him this was his response,

21/10/06           (Mikoto’s Birthday)

Mikoto: ……ah, Futa? What’s up? Did you come to celebrate my birthday?

Futa: Hah!? Like I care about your birthday. ……what’s up with you, though, you’re usually a lot more excited. I thought you were the sort of idiot who’d make a big deal over your birthday.

Mikoto: Yeah, usually that’d be the case. ……I think I must be getting tired. It’s like I’m anxious over something but I can’t really explain what it is…… Like, the feeling that I’ve been totally wrong about something. Haha, but it’s not like talking to you about it is gonna do anything.

Futa: Yeah, yeah, just like you say. Talking to me about it isn’t gonna help. ……but, it’s not like I don’t get what you’re saying. Or rather, I understand exactly what you mean. And if it’s the same thing as I’ve been feeling, then it will just get stronger as time goes on…… probably. But anyway, rather than talking to someone like me you should go and bother the others. Go and get showered with their stupid birthday wishes.

At east in this timeline there's an implication that everyone else will wish him a Happy birthday. Yet, going into trial two it's easy to interpret that as Futa's wishful thinking. The implication from his 2022 and 2023 birthday timelines is everyone is avoiding him out of fear.

I won't be putting the Haruka and Mikoto timeline again because I feel like I've repeated it enough but for clarity here's the statement that implies that,

22/10/06 (Mikoto’s Birthday)

Haruka: Ah, I’m fine. I’ve been enjoying myself, a lot. Um, I’m sorry, for avoiding you. I was a bit scared. Of you, honestly……

And his 2023 birthday timeline is just him having conversation amongst himself.

23/10/06 (Mikoto’s Birthday)

Mikoto: ……I wonder if there really is another version of me. And the fact my clothes are in rags and everyone is scared of me is his fault. Even being a “murderer”…… but it’s hard to just believe something like that.

Mikoto: If I talk like this can you hear me? If you can hear, please respond. Why would you do something so horrible. Hey, it’s all your faut, right? ……answer me!

Mikoto: ……Aaaaa!! But I did it for me……! If not, I would’ve broken!!

Mikoto: ––What am I even doing…… Of course I won’t conveniently just get a response like that. I should just stop thinking about everything now…… I’m tired……

No one was really checking on him to see if he was fine or eating properly. The same can be said with Amane too. This could be because regardless of their verdicts they were still going on as normal and not holing themselves up in their rooms. However, multiple people note their changes in behavior and still do nothing to intervene or check on them.

Except Shidou who does make attempts to check on Amane after Kotoko's attack but is pretty much told to prioritize the dying woman you weird by Kazui. Which one hundred percent fair he was right for that. In contrast to Shidou's shown concern for both Haruka, Amane, and Mahiru-

20/07/03

Shidou: Sakurai-kun……? Show me your hand.

Haruka: Heh!? No, I…… There’s, n-n-nothing wrong.

Shidou: Show me. ……the palm of your hand is bleeding. I’ll have to disinfect it. Does this always happen……?

Haruka: A-ah…… It’s, j-just a habit…… I-if I’m nervous, I grip my hands, too hard, so my nails……

21/10/24  (Shidou’s Birthday)

Shidou: ……oh, Yuzuriha-kun. It’s unusual so see you around this early. Wishing me a happy birthday…… probably isn’t the what you’re here for, huh.

Kotoko: No, it is. Happy birthday, Shidou. Though it’s not like I bought you a present or anything. But while I’m here, I’d also like to ask you something. Has anything changed for you recently? Having nightmares, hearing voices, feeling anxious…… anything like that.

Shidou: Not especially, no. ……ah, so this is about how Kajiyama-kun and Shiina-kun have been strange recently? And she’s been trying to hide it, but Amane too…… We’ve been living in these conditions for a while…… it’s not unusual for there to be an impact on us mentally. Are you worried about them? You’re a very caring person.

Kotoko: Hmm, so you noticed? If nothing’s wrong with you, then that’s good. ……if I’ve understood properly, that means you’re safe…… Once again, happy birthday, Kirisaki Shidou.

This timeline takes place after the one between Mikoto and Futa where the audience is shown how Mikoto's verdict is impacting him. Shidou mentions how despite Amane attempting to hide it something is clearly bothering her, Futa, and Mahiru. Yet omits the guy who was noticeably acting weird in the timeline right before this one. I cannot make this shit up their birthdays are literally in the same month.

These timelines happened within two weeks of each other and he was just not concerned about that. He didn't clock that as weird but he's giving Amane so much attention even though she's to his admission trying to hide it he's noticed her having issues as well. Mikoto isn't really doing much to hide his change in temperament.

Shidou notice this change though and to his own admission does not appreciate the change,

Q.07 Are there any prisoners you get along with?

Shidou: Kayano-kun has become like that, and I can’t spend my time smoking at the moment, so the smoking trio has disbanded, which is a bit lonely.

There is no positive spin one can put on they became like that it is usually something said with judgment and not positive judgment. In contrast Haruka, Futa, Mahiru, and Amane's new dispositions were recognized as out of the ordinary and met with concern.

Shidou even going as far as to put worrying about Amane above or equally as important as Mahiru's health at a point. To the extent that Kazui has to remind him to prioritize and in response he basically goes as the adults within the prison the children are a priority.

22/06/27 (Amane’s Birthday)

Kazui: What’s up, Shidou-kun? You’re looking pretty down. I guess you must be tired, I’ve been relying on you a lot lately.

Shidou: Yeah, I just remembered…… today is Amane’s birthday. I’m just getting a bit sentimental.

Kazui: Hmm, it’s unfortunate, but at the moment we can’t worry about that. ……you understand, right? There’s something that you need to do right now. And if you tried talking to her your words definitely won’t reach her. Don’t look at me like that. We’ll just wait until the situation changes. Let’s do our best.

Shidou: Yeah. I’ll do what I can. I can’t have a child making a face like that. Even though we’re “murderers”…… we’re also the adults here.

She literally just got jumped Shidou can you stop harassing this child for like one day? She's been at deaths door all of trial two but she was fine enough for you to have this concern right after her ass got kicked. Shidou several months after the jumping, "These attacks were atrocious. People almost died."

Shidou at best five days after the attacks occurred, "It's Amane's birthday though."

Kazui, "Sir if you don't go back to helping the woman about to die and prioritize properly don't look at me all sad the hell?! She's dying."

Mahiru in her room struggling to breath or sit up straight with her fractured ribs, "It's fine Yuno I can do it."

Yuno, "No, you can't I'll get it you stay still where is Shidou?"

"I can't allow a child to be making a face like that."

Meanwhile Mahiru is in the back struggling for air just like she left her significant other in the weirdest display of narrative karma to ever exist. Probably having trouble breathing for the first time in her damn life like this- is what this feels like. Then he shows up to his second interrogation like I'm the only help she has. Bitch you were more concerned with giving Amane any sort of birthday celebration instead of checking on her.

Someone had to softly remind him that two people just got beat into the dirt and needed medical attention. So maybe this isn't the time to be thinking about a birthday. This is how Shidou parallels Mu as well. This is his I'm failing to read the room moment. This is him showing I only care about the things I care about. It's Amane's birthday I care about Amane because she's a child.

We should do something for her even though she is uninjured. Same energy as come on you're free Yuno celebrate.

22/07/05 (Mu’s Birthday)

Mu: Hey~~~ Isn’t everyone a bit gloomy lately? I get that this situation isn’t ideal, but you’re really bringing down the mood for my birthday.

Yuno: Haha, surely even you can tell now’s not really the time for something like that right. Nobody’s really in the mood, or rather nobody has time time to deal with something like that.

Mu: Boo, how boring. You seem to be free, you can celebrate for me. Go on, celebrate.

Yuno: Wow, what a pain. I’m reading the atmosphere properly and keeping quiet. Well, you just go and have fun with Haruka. In the corner somewhere so you’re out of everyone’s way.

Excuse me? Hello, people almost died and could very well still die... This is not the time for either of these issues. This is why when Mu praises herself for taking care of Haruka and bringing him food Shidou praises her right back. Because they both use people around them to validate themselves and their actions.

Aren't I doing so good by taking Haruka food? I saved Kajiyama-kun and Shiina-kun aren't I indispensable hostage game but you know it's all up to me right? You need me to take care of them right? So innocent.

I swear a good majority of people hear someone is in a medical or caretaking profession and just assume that person has oodles of empathy. They're just filled to the brim with consideration for all their fellow men when it is just a job. It doesn't make anyone more or less caring if they go into those professions. In fact there are a lot of incidents regarding abuse by people in those professions towards patients or the people they were tasked in looking after.

Sorry if that's disappointing to some people but a person is going to be the same person they were without a doctorate once they get doctorate. If someone was a mean uncaring individual before they started studying this thing chances are they will remain that person after. Getting a degree is not the same as working on oneself and their communication skills with others it is just school. There is no piece of paper that will magically make someone a good person who is right all the time and can do no wrong.

So let's talk about Shidou's wrongs towards Haruka and Amane in particular. Shidou infantilizes Haruka. He's straight ageist to Amane everyone knows that but the reason he acts the same towards Haruka is because he does not view Haruka as a person with agency or intelligence. This is why Kazui and Shidou are so comfortable talking about their attempts at negotiating a ceasefire with Kotoko around him.

No other prisoner mentions this in their interrogations but it's fine if Haruka overhears because he more then likely won't even understand what they're talking about. He talks at Haruka. Telling him bluntly to show him his hand. He doesn't ask if he's okay or if something happened.

This is something he does with Amane as well. Considering he downright ignored the fact that she does not like sweets then went ahead and ordered her a cake for her birthday. After Kazui asked her about it her previous birthday and she basically told him the same thing she tells Shidou the next year.

20/06/27  (Amane’s Birthday)

Amane: Zzz…… zzz…… ……nnh……

Kazui: Oh, Amane, it’s your birthday today, right? Shina-chan told me. Happy birthday. Have the others already celebrated?

Amane: ……thank you very much. That’s right. A few have spoken to me. I don’t personally consider my birthday that important, but I’ll gratefully accept the well-wishes.

Kazui: Even so, though, it’s not like I have a present to give you or anything. Sorry. ……if push comes to shove, maybe I can ask the guard for a cake. Depending on their mood, they might agree to it.

Amane: No, that’s fine. I’m not especially fond of that sort of thing. I’ll just accept your kind words as a gift.

21/06/27  (Amane’s Birthday)

Shidou: Amane, I heard it was your birthday today. I asked Es-kun if we could get this cake to give to you……

Amane: I don’t need it. I’ll gratefully accept your well-wishes, but I don’t eat things like that. Also…… Shidou-san, I can’t say I’m especially fond of the way you assume that all children will love frivolous things like this.

Shidou: ………… Is that so… I apologise. I’m sure everyone else will be happy to eat it, so don’t worry about it. Sorry for intruding.

Amane: ………… ……cake……

So, either Kazui just didn't tell him this information last year when she said it which fair why would he. He doesn't have to report back to Shidou. However that would mean he saw this man order and set up this cake. Saw it in the fridge and at no point went huh that's weird I should probably tell him she doesn't like cake and instead went,

"Hm well not my mistake not my problem. Some people gotta learn on their own."

And Shidou did not in fact do the thing he's known for which is hearing a child state their boundaries and then blatantly ignoring them like with the pancakes. If it's easier to believe Kazui didn't casually go up to him and be like well she said she didn't like cake and he went to himself no all kids like cake she must be putting up a tough front then decided to test it on her birthday.

Like if there's a cake here in front of her then of course she'll eat and if she has to hear everyone else enjoying what a great cake it is to actually try it than that's just what it takes. Like a dude trying to feed mashed peas to a baby like mmm it's actually really good you're really missing out. Haruka on the other hand is less defiant than Amane the second trial commence notice states being voted innocent,

"Being found “innocent” furthered his self-affirmation, and unlocked his desire to be dominated."

He wants to be told what to do. Literally his first glitched voice line is him repeatedly asking then what should he have done instead. Because if someone just tells him than that's what he'll do.

This brings up a parallel between Amane and Haruka the themes of obedience and disobedience. Where Haruka is asking to be led by someone anyone and be told exactly what he needs to do to be good in their eyes and Amane has been given those rules but keeps breaking them because they conflict with her own morals and sensibilities.

Haruka had no guidance but Milgram comes out the gate in his character description on the website and goes if you talk to him he will listen and learn. He does what Es deems okay. He tried to make a deal and threats because Es responded to that positively when Kotoko did it. Are we on the same page now.

Just as Es takes in the judgments the audience makes on all the prisoners Haruka takes in what the audience end up favoring and disliking then tries to mold himself around that to get the attention he wants. To be the audience and Es' favorite Haruka is possibly going to keep changing and aligning himself more with what will get him the response he wants. If that means he has to keep killing because the people with the highest body counts are innocent and he's sitting at guilty while possibly having the lowest than just guess what he's gonna do.

Now let's get back to that Mikoto parallel. Haruka being acceptance/community and Mikoto's being denial/ostracization. This connects Mikoto to Mu narratively as well both of their narratives have a lot to do with denial and isolation.

For example (since Haruka's section has just become a trial two recap at this point fuck if you got this far you're here now),

"Ahhh- It’s the same anywhere I go. It’s like what’s wrong isn’t wrong." / "I told you I’m queen, and it’s always the same."

"I see it in my dreams even though I erased it- Maybe I’m done."/ "I’m probably not to blame. It’s probably nothing. I’m probably just having a bad dream, I need to wake up soon."

"I don’t want tomorrow to come, I want to forget yesterday I was miserable."/ "I was having such a hard time, I was trying so hard."

"But I guess some of it is my fault. Maybe it’s ok as it is I want to feel “alive”, is it ok if I breathe?"/ "If I could laugh, If I could go back I’d play dead even though I’m alive right?"/ "Let’s meet up inside the pain, a place just for me postmortem makeup to hide my heart, how to solve it is a secret. The stabbing of the little devil’s voice, counterattack being a suicide note “I love YOU”."

"The minus energy that I swallowed hugged me. Maybe it’s ok to try to keep on living split in half, make that heart beat."/ "But I guess some of it is my fault. Maybe it’s ok as it is I want to feel “alive”, is it ok if I breathe? Tell me."/ "Why, hey why, please let me out of here. Please tell me it’s a mistake, that’s it’s a lie. That I’m right, I’ll forgive you if you tell me now."

"If you’re going to make me the villain. It’s ok to ignore me."/ "“He’s a liar”, you said, and made me out to be a scoundrel, why?"/ "There’s no special meaning, I got the short end of the stick. I overheard, I found out how much I’m not needed."/ "All those ridiculous accusations hurting it, holding it down, it doesn’t change anything, does it?! Ahhh, it’s the same anywhere I go. It’s like what’s wrong isn’t wrong. I’m already the fake one."/ "Because it’s not my fault I am innocent as everybody desires. I am relieved, I am always the drama queen."

"Take more and more (honey) and devote to me."/ "Hey now, I saved you, right? So why in the hell are you crying? Cling to me, hoist me up as your “savior”, stand up and sing out your gratitude, that’d be good."

"Hey, what if If I am a bad girl. Don’t hate me."/ "All I did was dream, so you find me INNOCENT, it’s that simple right? Come to know me as an honest man, eat your words, gulp them down."/ "Hold on. It’s not my fault. You knew it, right?/ "I will NEVER forgive you if this is happening to me even though I’m right."

"If you want to betray from jealousy. You know what’s gonna happen ON YOU."

"I was in denial, I was in denial." - "I was wrong. Yes, it was me."

20/06/05

Haruka: Ah…… ah, u-um, Mikoto-san. The c-communication……? thing, that you were saying was important. I-I thought, I’d give it my best…… Um, so, Mikoto-san, what’s your favourite food……?

Mikoto: Ooh? Nice going, Haru-kun~ Yeah, we still have no idea how long this lifestyle will go on for, so it’s best if we all get along together here. My favourite food…… I like pasta and horse-meat sashimi. Also bubble tea, and recently I’ve been big on custard puddings. What about you?

Haruka: ……ah, I, I wonder…… H-hamburg steak, and omurice, a-and also…… what else? Ah. Cotton candy……

Mikoto: C-cotton candy!? That’s the first time I’ve met someone who has that in their top three favourites!? ……man, Haru-kun, you really are hilarious.

"Tell me, why are you drifting away from me?" - "Tell me why? Please don’t change."

22/10/06 (Mikoto’s Birthday)

Haruka: Mikoto-san. Um, are you ok……?

Mikoto: Ah, Haru-kun. It’s been a while since we last talked, huh. Yeah, I’m fine. Are you doing ok……?

Haruka: Ah, I’m fine. I’ve been enjoying myself, a lot. Um, I’m sorry, for avoiding you. I was a bit scared. Of you, honestly……

Mikoto: Ahhh, yeah. I’ve been lashing out whenever I go to sleep, right? ……it’s fine. Even I think you’re right to be scared. You know, I kinda just hate that I don’t even know what’s going on myself…… haha. Ah, but despite all that you still came and talked to me because it’s my birthday, right? Thank you, you’ve grown into a good man.

"Don’t leave me alone, don’t leave me." - "I just wanted to be your good boy. Why am I crying again?"

21/06/22   (Haruka’s Birthday)

Mu: Haruka-kun, are you awake……? Happy birthday.

Haruka: M-Mu-san? I… I-I’m awake…… Th-thank you, very much. I’m… glad……

Mu: ………… Shall we talk? You know, recently I’ve been pretty interested in you.

Haruka: ……!! I-in me…? Hehe, hehehe…… interested, in me.

22/06/22 (Haruka’s Birthday)

Mu: What’s wrong, Haruka-kun? Did something happen? You shouldn’t look away like that when you’re together with me.

Haruka: Ah, s-sorry, Mu-san. Um…… No, it’s nothing. I just, suddenly got a feeling. That something is about to happen.

Mu: Isn’t that because it’s your birthday? Or perhaps it’s a sign the guard is about to wake up again soon? Fufufu, I bet they’ll be really surprised at a lot of things.

Haruka: That, might be true. But, I want the the guard to see. ……the new, me…….

“Can I be your favorite this time?”/ "Mommy, look, I’ve done great “There there, my good boy!” I promise to make my dreaMU come true."

"Aww! I just want to invent myself I'm a cute chimera sewn crooked <- new!" / "I want the the guard to see. ……the new, me…….

"Don't be so selfish for the same new, then you start all over. Which way am I going, oh yeah, it's up to me. What I want to do, oh yeah, it's up to me."

23/06/22 (Haruka’s Birthday)

Mu: Haruka-kun, I brought your food. Are you still alive? Has any mould started growing?

Haruka: ……ah, thank you very much. Mu-san. Sorry, um…… I……

Mu: You shouldn’t just lock yourself in your room all day. You have to eat your food properly. Hm, well…… I do understand why you’re feeling down. It feels bad. The atmosphere recently.

Haruka: Um, I’m totally fine…… Just a bit, I’m thinking, about how to do it. What to do, what to do, to…… fulfil my promise. For Mu-san’s sake……

Love how he just lies here by the way. Mu is trying to confide in him about how the atmosphere has been bad for her recently and he's just goes nope not me I'm fine actually. Certainly I'm sitting at guilty and locking myself up in my room but that's just because I'm thinking about how to keep my promise to you and nothing else.

Definitely not thinking about how I could change myself to get the audience to be interested in me again. Definitely not. Just thinking about keeping my word for your sake because you're my mom.

Meanwhile the following month,

24/07/05 (Mu’s Birthday)

Mu: You know, I think this is all your fault really. Everyone’s on edge because you lashed out. And because of that, nobody’s paying attention to me any more. It’s kinda boring. I don’t get it.

Kotoko: ……you went out of your way to say that to my face? Aren’t you scared of me? The next target of my fangs might be you.

Mu: Why? Kotoko-san, aren’t you punishing the bad guys? I didn’t do anything wrong. And anyway, fufu, you’re talking like you’re fine too. Aren’t you gonna be not forgiven too this time? What will you do then? Start biting yourself? Fufu, that’s hilarious. I want to watch.

Kotoko:��……you’re good at provoking people. I’ll pray that you won’t be forgiven this time. When that time comes, I’ll be sure to crush you.

It's so fucking funny that Kotoko just admitted she's praying for a kids downfall like Shidou is. The Kotoko and Shidou overlaps they're amazing I need to see them fight. But my point is here Mu goes out of her way to lecture Kotoko because no one else will give her attention on her birthday even Haruka.

Who since being out of his room has talked to anyone but her. Kine of weird and suspicious. Yet there relationships was always more an aligning of interests and nothing deeper than that. One could just say Mu got the short end of the stick and realized again just how much she wasn't needed. She was trying to prove her worth by bringing him food and taking care of him but since he's gone out of his room he's relied anyone but her.

Weird. Whelp none of my business. Sometimes that's how it is and maybe he just wants Mu as far from his behavior as possible. Most of the prisoners tend to dote on Haruka. Mu bringing his food to his room while he wasn't holing himself up in it, Futa and Shidou both taking time out of their days to go check on him despite stating they have bigger concerns...

These small actions show just how much the other prisoners care about Haruka and have grown to care about him over the course of milgram. I mean Haruka is nice, not intimidating to approach, timid and seeing his growth and being a part of it in particular can instill hope in the prisoners in a hopeless situation. A lot of prisoners look at Haruka as there second chance.

Because he to many prisoners embodies the people they failed or let down. Someone vulnerable, someone that relied on them, someone who couldn't speak up for themselves. Through his presence a few of them feel they can make amends for their previous mistakes. They don't even really treat him like a threat or a murderer most of the time.

This is why I brought up Shidou earlier. He isn't just like this with Haruka of course yet his mannerisms when it comes to this are more prevalent when one looks at how he engages with Haruka and Amane. Shidou still shows concern for Futa and Mahiru as well despite them being adults in his eyes.

Highlighting their less than stellar physical conditions at the beginning of his second voice drama.

Shidou's Voice Drama

"Orbital floor fracture right side."

Hm?

"Traumatic retinal detachment. Bruising. Lacerations. Partial fracture of the thorax."

...

"This is Kajiyama-kun's present condition."

Futa's?

"Shiina-kun's is even worse. Head lacerations. Bruising all over her body. A sprained neck. Fractured ribs. Further fracturing to the left arm. And furthermore... This may be outside my profession, but her mental health is deteriorating as well."

Mahiru...

This is the very first thing he brings to Es' attention. Not even bothering to return their greeting. He makes a statement outside of his area of expertise on Mahiru's mental health.

Extending consideration and grace to these parties,

23/10/24 (Shidou’s Birthday)

Mahiru: You have a family right, Shidou-san……? How does it feel, being married, having kids……?

Shidou: ……yeah, it’s a wonderful thing. Children…… yeah. They really are hope for the future. When you have your own, suddenly it becomes fun growing old. Since as you grow older, you get to see them grow up.

Mahiru: Ah…… how lovely. It was always my dream to become a bride. Though maybe that seems a bit outdated. I wish it could’ve come true……

Shidou: It isn’t too late. I’m going to make sure you live. So let’s get out of here, and you make your wish come true. ……you still have so much to live for.

24/06/22 (Haruka’s Birthday)

Shidou: ……I’m worried about Sakurai-kun. I haven’t seen him around in a while. You’ve been talking with him, right?

Mu: He’s fine. Here, look. I’ve been taking his food to him like this every day. Isn’t that great of me?

Shidou: Yes, very. I’m sorry I’ve been leaving it to you to look after him. Usually, that would be the job of us adults, and yet we’re leaving you with the burden.

Mu: Don’t worry about it. After all, me and Haruka-kun are friends.

Fostering a sense of community and comradery with them. Where they all help each other and will speak in the defense of one another and with their best interests in mind. Because that's how adults within society are meant to behave.

Yet, his grace consideration seems to run out when it comes to Mikoto. He treats Mikoto's change in temperament as an inconvenience. Because Mikoto is an adult. Not only that he's competent enough to protect himself and end his fight with Kotoko in a draw completely unscathed. He's not only an adult but a skilled and competent one who should know better than to let his personal problems negatively impact his lessers.

He's not like Haruka, Futa, Mahiru, or Amane defenseless weaklings that can do nothing to take care of themselves without a proper adult around. He's not someone who needs constant attention, care, or even the smallest bit of aid. He is a man, he is an adult, that Shidou recognized as his equal and spent time with as such. They smoked together so of course he doesn't get the same treatment as the kids.

He's not about to treat Mikoto like Kazui does,

24/08/05 (Kazui’s Birthday)

Mikoto: ––No, it’s just…… I’m happy for the thought…… But I don’t even know myself what I’ll do next. So I can’t really hang out at the moment, y’know? But…… haha, aren’t you scared, Kazu-san?

Kazui: Hmm, I guess because of my work, I’m used to dealing with rowdy youngsters. Obviously you have your reasons. I don’t feel like prying, though. Well, whenever you feel like it, you’re always welcome. If you’re always on your own it’ll just make you feel worse. I’ll be company if you need to relieve some stress.

Mikoto: Yeah…… I’m not really, y’know, used to relying on other people. Like, I start to worry that I’m being a burden. And it’s hard for me to deal with feeling so pathetic…… If I do say so myself, I’m super Japanese, haha……

Kazui: Hm…… well, I’m fine whatever. If this is what’s easiest for you, I won’t force you. But you know, being in your 20s is still super young. It’s great that you’re so disciplined, but most people won’t worry if you’re a bit of a burden. I mean, I’m almost 40, and I feel like I’m still a kid now.

Most people won't Shidou however,

Q.07 Are there any prisoners you get along with?

Shidou: Kayano-kun has become like that, and I can’t spend my time smoking at the moment, so the smoking trio has disbanded, which is a bit lonely.

Shidou be like, "Look Kayano-kun you're fucking it up for us folks still in our twenties. Twenty-nine and twenty-three stop fucking it up we're the adults here. We're both college graduates get it together. You are setting a bad example you gonna walk around acting like an adult then be one. You're embarrassing our age range in front of the oldest guy here."

Just like an older colleague at work. Over here like, "Tch young people these days none of them can handle a work environment."

"Um sir he's carrying a sixty percent guilty verdict."

"Pfft I'm always guilty on the inside! Regardless if the morning comes I'll still be guilty. When the sun rises when it sets I'm never gonna feel innocent not one second of my life the closest I'll get to it is feeling justified in my choices but knowing it was meaningless cruelty all the same. He needs to suck it up."

"My guy- he just needs a mental health day. He's run ragged look at him. Remember what you said about Mahiru's mental health accommodate him a little it's not hard. Just give him a minute or some sympathy."

"Oh so now he wants free pity. Look at the example you're setting for these kids right now. You're a failure of a man. Do you think this is how an honest man lives? How you're living right now-"

"Dude he's sensitive about that shut up. Look Mikoto I'm trying..."

Mikoto, "No he's right I fucking suck."

"Aw see Shidou you validated his self-disparaging views. Now he thinks he just needs to work harder again."

Shidou, "Because he does. That's a good thing for him to recognize."

Mikoto head in hands-

20/06/15

Mikoto: Hey, it’s kinda a bother having you be so angry and tense all the time. You should stop trying get everyone to pay attention to you. You’re a uni student, right? You can’t act like that once you start working properly.

Futa: Huh!? Shut up. Not like I care what you say. Even though we’re in this shitty situation, you’re just chatting away, it’s stupid. Aren’t you the one who’s acting out of place here? ……also the fact you give everyone nicknames is just gross.

Mikoto: *sigh* It’s more stupid to be taking this all so seriously. I mean, it’s definitely just a reality TV program. There’s no way a real prison exists that’s this lax. Also, I don’t give nicknames to everyone. I don’t give them to young kids like Amane, or to the hard-to-approach types like Shidou-san. I mean, I’m not giving you one, right?

Futa: ……oi, which group are you trying to say I am?

Now this may come off like I'm saying Shidou is a crass, blunt, man that holds those he deems to be his colleagues, equals, or peers in any capacity to the same unreasonable expectations he holds himself to. That when one of them fails to live up to what is expected of them as the adults then they've all failed in some way causing him to look upon the failures of those he considers equals with scorn while those he considers inferior, too immature, or unexperienced doing the same thing or needing help is cute. And that's because I am saying that and he is too,

21/03/22  (Kazui’s First Trial)

Shidou: Mukuhara-san, you’ve not been looking great ever since you came back.

Kazui: Ahh…… yeah, I still haven’t got back to my usual self huh. Y’know, Shidou-kun…… kids can be really brutal huh. I don’t have any of my own so hadn’t realised until now.

Shidou: Haha, so they are. They won’t listen to the excuses adults make to explain themselves. ……though that’s also what makes them cute.

Kazui: Yeah… You’re really mature, Shidou-kun. By comparison, I’m really immature huh. Not growing up in any way other than my age. ……*sigh* Even I’m starting to hate that about myself.

22/06/27 (Amane’s Birthday)

Kazui: What’s up, Shidou-kun? You’re looking pretty down. I guess you must be tired, I’ve been relying on you a lot lately.

Shidou: Yeah, I just remembered…… today is Amane’s birthday. I’m just getting a bit sentimental.

Kazui: Hmm, it’s unfortunate, but at the moment we can’t worry about that. ……you understand, right? There’s something that you need to do right now. And if you tried talking to her your words definitely won’t reach her. Don’t look at me like that. We’ll just wait until the situation changes. Let’s do our best.

Shidou: Yeah. I’ll do what I can. I can’t have a child making a face like that. Even though we’re “murderers”…… we’re also the adults here.

24/06/22 (Haruka’s Birthday)

Shidou: ……I’m worried about Sakurai-kun. I haven’t seen him around in a while. You’ve been talking with him, right?

Mu: He’s fine. Here, look. I’ve been taking his food to him like this every day. Isn’t that great of me?

Shidou: Yes, very. I’m sorry I’ve been leaving it to you to look after him. Usually, that would be the job of us adults, and yet we’re leaving you with the burden.

Mu: Don’t worry about it. After all, me and Haruka-kun are friends.

Shidou when he keeps ignoring the fact that Kazui keeps telling him that despite being the oldest here he is actually the most emotionally immature and should not be given any responsibility.

Kazui making it as clear as possible how immature and unsuited for responsibility he is,

"I’m really immature huh. Not growing up in any way other than my age. ……*sigh* Even I’m starting to hate that about myself. - "I mean, I’m almost 40, and I feel like I’m still a kid now."

24/10/24 (Shidou’s Birthday)

Kazui: Ah y'know… Is having children really as great as everyone says? Shidou-kun, you've got two kids, don't you? It wasn't possible for me, so in a way I yearn for it.

Shidou: Yes, it truly is a great thing. No exaggeration. Even if they aren't your own children, don't you think its nice to have someone who's existence connects you to the future? If you can leave them something that they'll carry for the rest of their lives, I think it gives your own life more purpose. That's hope.

Kazui: You're really amazing, aren't you? It almost hurts to look at you. ….But, I sort of get where you're coming from. Every now and then I get overly sentimental thinking about my existence, how I could leave this world without adding to it. Doing something for the little devils around here might not be too far off from that hope you were talking about. I doubt it'll be easy though.

Shidou: Hehe. ….I implore you, Mukuhara-san. Please, give the children your protection.

Shidou I don't know what you mean Kazui we're the adults here. As such, I want you to take responsibility for these kids and protect them as another adult. I implore you to take on this responsibility. He should be helping them take care of the more vulnerable people here and the attitude he displayed during the intermission was a display of his personal failings. At least in Shidou's opinion. This goes into the similarities between Shidou and Futa.

Their shared stances on women and children as a vulnerable group. As well as how that perception impacts how they engage with others within the prison. Shidou is more willing to give grace to Haruka and Amane because of ageism and infantilization. Amane is just a child so she should be treated in a way that displays recognition of that fact. She shouldn't be here in Milgram or held to the strongest extent of the law because she's just a child.

This is the same logic Shidou extends to Haruka as well. He's not competent like Mikoto is. He can't express himself as well and is prone to getting injured or sick. So of course like a child he needs more care attention and firm guidance. It's not even limited to age he extends the same logic to Yuno, Futa, Mahiru, and Kotoko because they're all still students just a bit more respectfully. Yet Kazui, Mikoto, and himself are the working adults they should know better and be on top of this. This is why Shidou offers to extract that fang in Triage. Because as he makes clear through Amane he is willing to meet immaturity with immaturity if that means the kids will learn what's appropriate and what's not.

22/10/24 (Shidou’s Birthday)

Shidou: No, I don’t understand. It’s my job as an adult to teach you that throwing a temper tantrum isn’t going to make everything go your way. If it’s a test of endurance you want, I’m happy to oblige, Amane.

It is possible that another thing Futa, Shidou, Amane, and Kotoko all share is their mentality to meet violence with violence or conflict with conflict. Haruka did what many others within Milgram did associated himself with people who were more likely to improve his circumstances than worsen them. This may be why we see him engage with guilty prisoners less while aligning himself more with those innocent like him. To show that he was not and is still not a loser. He didn't question the guards judgments to show that he thought they were right, he tried to be more confident and outspoken to display to Es that their choice wasn't wrong. In contrast him closing himself off after his change in verdict is an extension of his warning to Es in his trial one voice drama, "I shouldn't get too i-involved with people in the first place. Even with all the prisoners, they might understand. It's no good." - "You shouldn't get too close to me. Bringing misfortune to people is the only thing I'm naturally good at." It's likely that him being voted guilty, Mu being voted guilty after getting close to him, or both may have caused this belief to resurface leading to him isolating himself (locking himself in his room) out of fear of bringing misfortune to those around him.

Regardless of Haruka's intent with these changes, the fact remains that Es simply couldn't stand the way Haruka changed. Possibly because it reminded them of Kotoko getting cocky and acting on her own while they were asleep. The way that she overstepped their boundaries, into their position as guard, and hurt people they admit to caring about. The new Haruka just showed Es that no one, not even him, was taking Es' position seriously. That they thought they could simply talk them into whatever outcome they wanted. That they felt comfortable because they were taking them as a fool that would believe anything sat in front of them without question. An imperfect guard who was too kind and weak just waiting to be taken advantage of.

Of course since Es said these prisoners were right once they'd never change their mind now. All Haruka's attempts and efforts came off as cocky, dismissive, and a belittling of not only Es' intelligence but their dedication to their job. Something that has been shown to anger Es throughout the series.

Ultimately it was this behavior shared between the three of them that had their trials go as poorly as they did. It is also this mindset that led them all to heavily associating with one another. Because they weren't wrong, Es found them innocent, agreed to work with them- Of course, if they saw that once they'd see it again. They're not the losers here after all. None of them were wrong. So, of course Haruka is going to report to Es' assistant what his plan is and ask her to let him proceed. Guilty or not that's only the proper thing to do.

"I wasn’t wrong, I wasn’t wrong- Please don’t say that I am a loser. Hug me again as you once did."

Unlike those losers over there who should have just-

"Ravaging, brawling, losers please exit left."/ "Aren’t they all the people you thought were bad?"

It doesn't matter if he was too scared to talk with her previously.

Haruka Trial One Voice Drama

Mu, Yuno, and....

How about Kotoko?

Uh... S-She's a bit scary.

That was the old Haruka. The new Haruka isn't afraid of kids or talking to Kotoko. Even though there are more reasons to be afraid of her than there were before. Kotoko is someone he had no reservations about speaking to despite the fact that she had physically assaulted three people in close proximity to him. Then was very openly planning to attack more to her own continued admission.

Yet, despite the clear risk to the safety of others she continued to be Haruka had no issue communicating with her and actively seeking her out. Because he recognized she was not going to attack him. Because why would she he's innocent. He's not like those guilty prisoners. Him and Kotoko are the same in that regard.

This is the mindset that grated Kotoko so much. Even though she was right she was the same as the other prisoners who had been voted innocent. Seeing them sitting in the same spot as she was made her more conscious of her own shortcomings. Having them innocent with her was like saying they were the same which to her and in the eyes of other prisoners may be the furthest thing from true and the biggest insult they could receive.

Yet it was this that made it easy for Haruka to come in and calmly discuss Shidou and Kazui attempting to negotiate a ceasefire with her. Because it wasn't his problem he was never worried about being attacked because he's innocent. Just like with Mu. It wasn't their problem,

"Ah, um, since it's a situation like this, we're all staying close to Shidou-san. Kotoko-san is the only one who's acting on their own."

...Oh?

"A-ah, um... Kotoko-san said she currently has no intention of attacking anyone. So, Shidou-san and Kazui-san had cea-ceasefire negotiations, they called it. With her..."

...

It was easy to talk about it in that way all up until the point he realized it could impact him. He and Mu did a lot of similar things within their second voice dramas. That display the impact that they've had on each other. The good and the bad.

Haruka Second Trial Voice Drama

Don't get ahead of yourself. It's all good and well that you've changed, but your past self just might have been smarter.

"...!!!!!!"

...

"Ugh...! Why?! Why, why, why are you saying things like that?!"

...!

"It's weird! You said you forgave me, Warden-san! It's weird for you to tell me that I'm wrong now!"

[sound of something hitting the table (more than likely his palm)]

...!

"Argh- it's weird! It's weird!" [stomping around]

Pipe down! You're hurting my ears.

"...You're mean. You're so mean... I, I-I can kill anything that's smaller than me, you know!"

Hahaha! You sure have developed and attitude! Go ahead and try! Idiot!

"Don't... make fun of me...!" [sound of running] "Ghhh, guh...! My body...won't move...!"

Is your memory that bad? Violence from the prisoners towards the warden is prohibited. Well...with one exception.

"Gh...!"

Later On

"Even though you said you would forgive me..."

You were told upfront that this is a three trial system.

"Why are you bullying me like this?"

I'm not bullying you. I'm simply trying to figure out whether I should forgive you or not and by extension, whether your actions were wrong or not.

"There's no way it was wrong! If I hadn't done it, nobody would have looked at me!"

You killed to gain attention? The you who was never loved by anyone?

"That's right! Because if I just remained a good-for-nothing, nobody would ever care about me!"

Just because of that, someone-

"Aren't I the only unfortunate person here?! Because I'm the only one who could never do anything since I was born, because I could never do the same things as everyone around me, my mother gave up on me and I stopped existing in her world!"

Even later (Fuck it honestly just listen to both side by side at this point.)

Rest assured, Haruka. Taking your circumstances and your feelings into consideration, I'll judge-

"As I thought. Warden-san, you're not my mother at all."

Huh? Never have been.

"Yeah...? Yeah, right, everyone only has one mother. The mother who never looked at me wasn't my mother either."

What are you saying?

"Heheheh, hahahaha...!"

You're pretty scary you know?

"Haa... I'm sorry, warden-san. For causing you trouble."

...

"My mother was Mu-san all along."

Huh?

"Mu-san is my mother."

I don't think that's right.

"It is, though?"

Is that really something you can deny...

"Mu-san praises me. The useless me... She praises me, acknowledges me, looks at me, and she needs me. My current self only exists thanks to Mu-san."

You did say you had two benefactors. So, the other one was Mu, huh?

"That's right. As long as Mu-san is here, I feel like there's a meaning to me coming to Milgram."

...

"I've met my real mother, so I'm happy. I'm sorry for causing problems earlier. I need to be a good boy- For Mu-san's sake as well."

This is... The needs and interests of the prisoners lining up with each other... Something like this can happen too...? Haruka desires a mother, but what could it be that Mu wants from him...?

You know I've been transcribing this shit too long when I see the words,

"Haruka desires a mother but what could it be that Mu wants from him?" and the first thing I think is come on vaminos- at this Dora the explorer ass question they ain't even being subtle! They're just out here like, "Whatever could she want?" Meanwhile in his fucking second trial song-

"I will keep on killing to be a good boy."

Ya know I can't say what she wants really. The funniest twist everyone looking at the middle schooler and office worker like they're gonna be trained assassins. Meanwhile- OH SHIT IT'S HARUKA COMING IN WITH THE BLADE! It's still sending me this statement is phrased like a fucking early reader comprehension test question. Why did they phrase it like this? Like,

Were you paying attention? Test your knowledge.

What does Haruka want from Es?

A. A license to kill.

B. To be judged fairly for his actions and held to account.

C. A Innocent Verdict/Forgiveness

D. For Es to leave everyone alone. So, they can all know peace.

E. A Guilty Verdict/Not to be Forgiven

What upset Haruka?

A. Kotoko's violent actions.

B. Kazui's and Shidou's attempt at mediating.

C. Es' judgment.

D. Not having a mother.

E. Es' judgment changing.

What does Haruka gain from Mu?

A. Stability.

B. Friendship.

C. Mutual Respect.

D. A maternal figure.

E. More mother issues to unpack in therapy.

I shouldn't be talking about reading comprehension questions like that. It was a good question to pose. Yet the overlap between Mu and Haruka's actions within their voice dramas trial two speaks volumes about how they enable each other and the ways they've become isolated from the rest of the cast. It's definitely not the healthiest dynamic but not the worse I've seen as of now. For example even though I stated that Haruka was still on good terms with Yuno from his perspective...

The feeling doesn't seem to be mutual. Since Yuno went on record stating that Haruka and Mu were beginning to annoy her. Haruka is more than likely collateral damage since Yuno has been annoyed with Mu for a good while now and his close proximity to her at this point. So she can't see one without bumping into the other.

Since Yuno seems to be trying to avoid Mu as much as possible that may extend to Haruka as well and play into why Yuno hasn't checked up on him. Even though Yuno herself says she has no intention of just letting someone die in front of her and has spent a good deal of these trials taking care of others. She has no real character reason not to want to help/check on Haruka but every character reason to not want to be near Mu who is always just posted up outside of Haruka's door going look I'm taking care of him.

So, she definitely wouldn't check unlike Futa who doesn't really have those issues with Mu or has been bothered by her in the same ways Yuno has. I don't know why Kazui isn't checking but like it's not his job to regardless. If someone gets hurt it's not really on him solely. Just because the audience and Shidou projected this caretaker and protector role onto him does not mean he will live up to it or even wants to.

I think the fact he hasn't checked is fishy but well it's not surprising. Shidou on the other hand- Well he's weird for the opposite reason. If Mahiru is still in a bad state how did he even make time to check on Haruka and Mu? Again he states he's worried about Amane and someone should do something about her but when given free time doesn't really treat that as much of a priority.

We haven't seen Mahiru in a long time (this changed with Kotoko's birthday interaction where Mahiru actively seeks her out even noting it's still hard to move while doing so which hello just raises more questions about this) but Haruka, Mu, Kazui, and Mikoto could have all gone to check on her but none of them have. I'm not holding it against Mu since Yuno directly told her to stay out of the way when they spoke after the attacks on her birthday. So she at least has in character reasons for not going.

Haruka may not be going because he realizes Mu isn't on good terms with Yuno right now. Since neither of them are hiding that. Kazui and Mikoto are weird though. Mikoto claims he attacked Mahiru but hasn't gone to apologize about that at all or gain clarity on it? Like that's kind of the bare minimum he could do if he truly believed that were the case. Which his second written interrogation implies.

Kazui is just like sir you're not doing anything else you might as well. Like I'm well aware he may not want to be bothered and may find Mahiru difficult to deal with but like you've seen Shidou enough to have seen her too. Which is the weird thing Shidou has had time for Kazui despite Mahiru needing constant care. Plus Amane and Futa have both gone to see her. So, it's not as though Mahiru is under lock and key.

So a part of me is like why are you avoiding doing that. Now with Mikoto there's an argument to be made that he's afraid he'll make her uncomfortable. He knows he fought with Kotoko and went up to her for her birthday though. Like he just kind of played that off like he didn't remember but he remembers attacking Mahiru?

Something multiple other parties have gone oh well he didn't do that. He attacked Kotoko while she was in the middle of attacking Mahiru. Kotoko has said that, Kazui said they were fighting and it was best to keep them that way, Yuno said they were fighting and commented on Mikoto being stronger than she thought, Mahiru never brought up Mikoto ever attacking her and only focused on how she forgave Kotoko for attacking her.

So after a point one has to question how Mikoto knows about Mahiru's attack but conveniently doesn't know Kotoko was there. There's memory issues and then there's like the fact he's actively avoiding everyone that would have a different recollection of those events while still trying to be chummy with the person he very much did jump according to several other parties. All of whom have no reason to lie-

Mahiru thinks Mikoto is a cheater and does not trust him she has more reason to lie on him being the one that jumped her than just forgive Kotoko.

Kazui literally had zero reason to lie there and even went it benefits me more if you keep them on opposite sides and they continue to fight each other.

Yuno does not like Kotoko and thinks Mikoto's pleasantries are forced. She says she would never be Kotoko's friend and the nicest thing she's said about Mikoto is again that comment about him being stronger than she thought.

All three of the parties who have spoken on this actually just have no vested interest in whatever is going on with Mikoto. Other than Kazui who doesn't want Mikoto to team up with Kotoko solely because he knows with a teammate Mikoto could kick his ass. And even then his interest wasn't let's make Mikoto look worse it was just let's keep these two away from each other and their goals from aligning. Like with Mu and Haruka. Which is fair.

Mu Second Voice Drama

"What do you mean?"

How did it come to that in the first place? What was the cause of it? That's what I don't know. You could say it was conveniently omitted.

"..."

Even you yourself refuse to go there. Is it a topic you don't want to touch upon?

"...Warden-san I think you're really doing something bad. Isn't it a bad thing to act like there has to be something wrong with someone for them to get bullied?"

Oh?

"No matter the circumstances it's always the bullies who are in the wrong! Isn't that obvious? Warden-san you're so smart but you didn't even know something like that? Maybe you should take some lessons on morals or something?"

...

"Besides, even if I've done something wrong, there's nothing that can justify bullying. Warden-san I thought you were nicer than this."

My sincerest apologies for not living up to your expectations.

Later on in Mu's second voice drama

Right, right. And here I was speculating that you might've originally been playing the opposite role...

[sound of something hitting the tabletop (possibly her palm)]

...!

"What are you getting at?"

Just that we could also speculate that you'd been the bully until the tables ended up turning on you.

"Do you realize what an awful thing you're saying right now?!"

What are you getting this angry for? I thought you hadn't done anything wrong?

"Warden-san... I hate you."

Haruka and Mu both have intense reactions in response to the idea that Es' opinion of them wasn't as unanimous as they thought. That they had doubts about it. Yet, they're both incredibly doubtful and fickle when it comes to their relationships as well. Think about it- Haruka had no issue talking to Kotoko several times after she attacked multiple people but could barely get a sentence out around her at the start of this. Yet, her violence didn't scare him off he wasn't worried for his safety showing that his fear wasn't being attacked but always was rejection like Mu's. Yet, he rejected others and drifted away from them despite displaying how much he dislikes the same thing. Then once he was in the same position as those he distanced himself from he was suddenly willing to confide in those guilty prisoners he may have been ignored previously for what seems to have been until the cameras were rolling again.

24/04/19 (Futa’s Birthday)

Futa: ––Hey, are you really ok with this? If you come with me, there’s a chance you can be saved too…… Haruka.

Haruka: Yeah…… I’ve made my mind up. I have, something, that I have to do.

Futa: Ah, is that right…… Haruka, you know, you’re an idiot. There’s no way…… that will save you……

Haruka: Yeah, thank you. I’m glad you came to talk to me, Futa. Um, thank you, for being so kind. Really. But, I’m sorry. This is all I’m able to do……

Oh wait no. Haruka didn't even go to confide in Futa. Futa did the thing people keep bitching about no one doing and went to check on Haruka himself. Who again when Futa was at his lowest was off ,

"I’ve been enjoying myself, a lot."

To be completely real with you it makes me wonder if the only reason Haruka is worried about people changing up on him is because he so easily changes up on others. Because when Mikoto and Futa were going through it where was Haruka- Looking after his self.

Because like Futa said,

Q.02 What do you think of Haruka?

Futa: I can’t afford to be worrying about other people at the moment Anyway, he’s not a little kid.

Okay, just got back from a break one of many I took after world events and- Ya, know... Someone in this fandom accused me of a felony a while back. Look if anyone has gotten this far I'm really anticipating them glancing at this and keeping it moving. But yeah that happened. Then they accused my friends of a felony as well. People will be like blocking isn't personal and shit but like each time I've blocked someone it's actually been due to consistent harassment that I have actually attempted to talk out as much as I can extend myself to do so. I think any rational person draws the line at someone accusing their partner and close friend of a crime.

Especially when a good way to go well that's not true is just blocking the person and moving on since the crime in question was cyberstalking. Then person wanted to go this is your fault for taking my concerns seriously instead of telling me to touch grass after I did that which like um what the hell. I'm not saying this is a good way to gage the reactionary nature of Milgram fans but like after a point there is no discussion to be had you just gotta accept some people like their life more if they can assume others are cruel and evil to validate their own inconsiderate and uncaring behavior. Like Haruka and Mu nothing is ever your fault if everyone else is the villain and your the weak helpless victim in whatever narrative one creates to help themselves sleep at night.

Some people really only care about people solely in the context of the role they play in their narrative. Haruka is no exception to this. He only cares about Mu because right now she fits into the role of mother. Es even brings up that their desires have happened to albeit conveniently overlap,

"This is... The needs and interests of the prisoners lining up with each other... Something like this can happen too...?"

So, what happens when that stops being the case for one or both of them?

Like the case of Futa and Mikoto. Two people Haruka relied on for socialization but as soon as their social standing fell he begun to distance himself from them. A lot of people in this world project what they're willing to do to others on those around them without a second thought. Just so they don't have to feel alone in their callousness. It's not a case of who is using whom when it comes to Mu and Haruka.

It's a case of whose usefulness will run out first or if it will at all. Something like that is a bit of a double edged sword isn't it? One could say it' like a person pointing their weapon at themselves and their enemy all at once. A true double bind.

How unfortunate.

[freezegirl]

"Thank you!" Khione beams at Gwen. "I've got years of knowing how to spin a story beneath my belt, courtesy of my mother." Though that tangent leads to a long, long story and Khione wouldn't want to waste her friend's time.

Especially because they could be talking about better things.

Like books!

"Aw," she says, "well, if you ever want to read or listen to things - I'm a big audiobook fan, auditive, I think is what it is; people have told me I'm an auditive person - feel free to drop on by." A nod. "Yes, fantasy. That one wasn't, I think. But it does have some romance elements. Rather, it's very big on the enemies to lovers trope. I... have read romantasy but I'm also very picky and peculiar as to what kind of content I consume." Quiet laughter escapes her lips, then. "There are quite a few writers on my 'do not read, ever, under any circumstance' list. Mostly because I take offense to their stories being uninspired drivel. Or to their personalities. But I won't bore you with talk about fandom and transformative works and how, you know, ten times out of nine, most of that stuff is geared towards white people instead of people of color, otherwise I'll never shut up again and, trust me, your ears don't want that."

She did not choose her name, and it was only hers in the way she had turned the monster that would kill her into her own personal flag, into her own refusal of fate. She was never meant to be the Green Goblin, and that was why she held on to it. Why she made it clear, to anyone who could see, that she was willing to stand amongst the worst, for her goal.

It didn't change how Redcap was, actually, a very good name.

"And what a statement." She admitted. "You're good at this."

Better than the immense majority of Norman Osborns across the multiverse, at least.

A multiverse that meant that books, just like movies or even plays, could be a little different, a little to the side, or sometimes far different from their namesakes. A few choices, a few different experiences, and well. Things changed.

"I haven't." She admitted. "It's been a long while since I read for the fun of it." She even added, for all her tone was a bit mournful. She missed being just Gwen, sometimes. "Is it good? Horror?" She wondered. "Fantasy, I gather, but is it that... romantasy thing people are talking about these days?"