#and so help me god if I start getting dicks in my inbox again I'm blocking on sight

[cookinguptales]

Sigh... Okay. I've had a couple weeks away from wwdits and I've finished the major work project that has Consumed Me so I guess I can talk about my thoughts a little bit.

There are a lot of reasons that the very end of s5 bothered the hell out of me and a lot of reasons that I hate it. There are things I liked about the last two episodes (most of them being... before the last ten minutes of the season) like that metaphor coming full circle and Nandor giving Guillermo a better (uhhh metaphorical) sexual experience where he was listened to, cared for, supported, and helped along at his own pace. I do have interest in ideas like Nandor's loneliness being worsened because he believed that Guillermo would have a terrible time as a vampire and knowing that avenue of immortality is closed to him. But none of that feels worth it, I guess, and here's why.

Yes, I hated the whole... Guillermo realized that he never really wanted to be a vampire thing, at least how it was done. It wasn't Guillermo realizing that he didn't need vampirism (which I would've been quite happy with) but learning that he just didn't have the stomach for it. I hated the way that seemed to betray Guillermo's earlier characterization. I hated the way that made the "supernatural as queer, as Other" metaphors they've been using with very little subtlety suddenly feel very problematic indeed. I hated the way this made it canon that Guillermo really does see vampiric lives as lesser than human ones, and I hated that Guillermo had power taken from him rather than power claimed. I hated the way this upset the power dynamics of the household (particularly Nandor going back to ordering Guillermo around) and I hated the idea that Nandor thought Guillermo was weak and he was right. I hated this somewhat paternalistic idea that Nandor really did know best all along and Guillermo was just a silly little boy who didn't understand what he really wanted. Again, the power dynamics are so thoroughly fucked right now.

But the biggest thing, really, and the reason why I just can't bring myself to care about about the things I did like, was that it just... The message was so clearly that past episodes of the show did not matter. I always knew that there was a vibe change after Jemaine Clement left (especially because that vibe very much traveled to WP instead) but there was always enough dedication to the fundamental building blocks of the series that I didn't mind the way things had changed too much. But... this season really seemed to hammer home that they do not feel beholden to the first two seasons of the show and I liked those seasons.

I remember feeling kind of uneasy when little pieces of canon were discarded, like the way that it was stately clearly and repeatedly that Laszlo was better at hypnosis than Nandor in the first two seasons and then it was the opposite in s5. But like... I could forgive small changes like that. Little retcons. Guillermo, though. Guillermo.

I have never loved Guillermo more than I did at the end of s2, and I'm not sure we're ever going to see that version of him again. We got to see Guillermo go gloriously feral several times in s2, we got to see him kill an entire room full of people several times, we got to see him take his power and own it. And he really has never done it since, has he? He always tries so hard not to kill people, and the very few times he's done it since s2, it's been entirely in self-defense. And I just kept thinking it didn't have room in the plot, but they'd do it! Of course they'd do it! But then to have Guillermo straight-up say he doesn't have the stomach for killing... It made me realize that they'd brought Guillermo to heel as a conscious choice. They'd purposefully neutered his character, and in doing so, reduced the complexity of him that I'd always loved. Guillermo has always been a sweetheart and a murderer, and I loved that about him.

And then... you know, you have to come to wonder what other intrinsic parts of characters, intrinsic themes, they're going to feel okay with discarding when they feel like it. If they're going to retcon Guillermo, who was borderline sociopathic in the first two seasons (just look at how angry he was they didn't kill Jenna after he brought her to them), as a weak, naive familiar who really doesn't have the stomach to be a vampire... Like he wasn't paying attention at all for the last 13 years?? Like none of his choices were real or mattered? What the fuck? That's a major change.

And then you look back at the rest of s5, at Laszlo's entire storyline of "I'm going to do experiments on Guillermo to figure out how to 'cure' him so Nandor can turn him", and you realize they didn't even have that cohesion within the same season. Laszlo's entire season-long plot line makes zero sense once it's revealed that they knew (somehow) that killing Guillermo's sire would revert him. Like -- forget that it goes against his knowledge level in s3, forget that it goes against his knowledge of how to finish Jenna's transformation in s1, it goes against his stated knowledge of things within the same damn season.

And if they're not going to care about those things, why should I? If they're going to ignore details, plot lines, characterization, hell, the overarching themes of their own show, why should I get invested in them? Why should I care about Nandor seeing Guillermo's baby pictures or the idea of Nandor's loneliness or the fact that Guillermo only decided not to kill that human after self-centeredly tying him to his own experiences?

What else am I going to get invested in that they're going to ignore? What other choices that characters make are going to be pointless later? What other storylines are going to be dropped after just one season?

I don't know. The whole thing makes me so damn tired. To see all of Guillermo's struggles with his sense of self, his sense of power, his sense of Otherness, be reduced to "actually he's too squeamish to drink blood because he doesn't have the heart to kill anyone" is so... I'm so frustrated, and it makes me not want to get invested in anything they make anymore.

I've been really struggling as a creator, because like... I always made fanworks for this show because I genuinely loved it, I genuinely loved the characters. I respected what they'd created. But now I just feel like I'm getting overly attached to something that's just going to keep hurting me and... where do I go from there? Do I start writing canon divergence fic? (Never thought I'd end up in a place where I wanted to ignore canon here but if they can do it, so can I.) Do I just pull back a little and force myself to be a more casual fan?

I've been part of fandoms that hurt me before and I don't... wanna do that again. lmao. When I left comics fandom I was like "as god as my witness, I'll never stay in a fandom that makes me unhappy again!"

And.... I'm unhappy. :(

idk man, I'm still kind of stewing in it. Getting into other canons has actually helped tremendously in removing the sting from it all, but how to proceed going forward... I guess I still don't know. I don't want to write anything right now, and I assume that'll change, but... I don't know. : /

[alecjbi]

54, hangster

hehe will do (681 words, explicit)

drop a smut prompt in my inbox

It wasn't often that Jake was in this position, but he couldn't deny that he loved it.

Bradley was on his knees at Jake's feet, looking up at him with pupils blown black. They'd been like this for a bit, now, Jake sitting on the couch stroking himself, watching Bradley watch him. There was hunger in his eyes and Jake could tell he wanted to touch, wanted to take Jake into his mouth and down his throat, but Jake had given him strict instructions. No moving, no touching himself. All Bradley could do was talk-- beg.

"Come on, Jake," Bradley pleaded, not for the first time that night. There was no denying the erection in his jeans, straining against the fabric. He looked beautiful down there and laced his fingers through Bradley's hair. He brought his head forwards but not close enough to touch and Bradley whined, trying to move towards Jake. Instead, Jake pulled sharply on his hair, causing Bradley to moan and his eyes to flutter.

"You know the rules," Jake scolded, moving his hand out of Bradleys hair to cup his chin and bring his head up until their eyes met. There were tears at the corner that Jake brushed away with his thumb. Jake loved Bradley like this, vulnerable and begging for him. It wouldn't be long before he had Bradley screaming his name.

"Jake, please," Bradley begged, voice breaking a little at the end. "I'm so hard, Jake, come on--"

Jake shushed him, using the hand that was wrapped around his own cock to stroke himself faster. Bradley whined again but Jake just smiled. "You've been good," he said a little breathily. "Come up here," he said and Bradley nodded as he took his hand and helped him up. Jake went to the end of the couch and Bradley sat next to him, unsure of what to do. "Lay back and touch yourself," he said. "I want to watch."

"Fuck, Jake," Bradley breathed out. Jake put a hand behind Bradley's head and helped him lay down. He slid his hands down to Bradley's fly and undid it, shimmying down his pants and underwear until his cock was laying hot and heavy against his stomach. Bradley's hands were still at his side, seemingly unsure of what to do.

"I'll suck you off later," Jake said. "But first I want you to come with just your hand."

"Jake," Bradley breathed, eyes a little glossy. "I--"

"I know," Jake whispered, leaning forwards to kiss Bradley softly. Bradley chased his lips when he leaned back but Jake just shushed him and brushed back his hair. "Go on, then," he said, leaning back and taking his own cock in his hand.

Bradley tentatively wrapped a hand around himself, shuddering as he finally got some release to his aching cock. He started slowly but soon picked up the pace, stroking himself quickly, hips jumping up into his hand. He moaned with every new movement, brushing over the tip of his cock, his other hand moving to cup his balls. Jake matched his rhythm, leaning forwards and covering Bradley with his body.

"That's it," Jake said, watching Bradley's expression, nose scrunched and eyes closed, mouth falling open in a moan. "Fuck your hand like you'd fuck me. You look so pretty like this."

"Jake," Bradley pleaded. "Please, Jake, I need--"

"I'll give you whatever you want, baby, give me an orgasm first. I wanna see you come in your hand while I talk dirty in your ear. Tell you how badly I want to fuck you over this couch and then make you suck my dick. I'll make you yell so loud the neighbors could hear."

"Jake, fuck, oh my god," Bradley moaned, hips thrusting uncontrollably as he came into his hand, Jake not far behind. Jake collapsed onto him, breathing into his neck in what he wanted to be a kiss but was more a desperate attempt to get air. He'd keep his promise soon, but for now he laid against Bradley, smiling when he felt a kiss pressed into his hair.

[h0rr0rsaxo]

I was so conflicted between requesting yandere Varrick or The walking dead. I eventually chose the walking dead though...so Negan and Anni it is.

So i'm imagining this would be around the first time Anni meets Negan with the rest of Rick's group. Anni obviously hates him for the things he's done and feels kind of sick when he starts taking a liking to her and being super nice to her whereas the rest of her friends/ricks group are all suffering. It starts by following her around and trying to tease her like Negan usually does and holding her cat, and then he asks her to have dinner with him. But when she very rudely declines he kind of forces her to go by using a threat of hurting her friends if she doesn't. So she goes and after lots of flirting and teasing from Negan he asks her to become one of his wives. She obviously is like "fuck you" at that point and she tries to get up and walk away but he grabs her arm so she punches him right in the face and you can decide what goes on from there....

(please take your time with this! No pressure whatsoever and tysm!!)

[ Wife - Walking Dead Simp Party ]

Synopsis; Negan annoys the shit out of Anni.

Warnings; None

Tags; @insane-horror-movie-addict

Note; this request was collecting dust in my inbox for the longest time....sorry for taking so long--

Word count; 1,633

“Man… what I would give anything to have my old life back. So much easier with appliances, don’t get me wrong, I don’t have a problem surviving out here and doing it like the old days, but damn, I don’t know how people did it.” Dagger expressed while dipping her shirt back in the depths of the water in the bucket at her feet. Dagger looked out into the beautiful, turquoise water and smiled,

 

“Oh, how I do miss my job.”

 

“I miss my warm soft bed…” Anni sighed and paused her cleaning for a moment,

 

“I miss my gun.” Anni looked over at Dagger questioningly and Dagger laughed to herself at the looks on her face, “Sorry, but what can I say? Violence is my best friend.”

 

“I miss my coffeemaker… with that dual drip filter and built-in grinder, honey…” Anni said, looking up at the sky with pure lust as she ran out a shirt. The white-haired woman laughed and then Dagger spoke again,

 

“I miss how I'd explode a bunch of shit…” The younger woman let out a sigh and Anni stopped, looking at the ground with a sly smile,

 

“I miss my vibrator…” All the girls looked at her for a moment in disbelief and then they began to laugh hysterically to themselves. Anni covered her mouth embarrassingly.

 

“Oh my god!!” Dagger laughed. She looked back at everyone for a moment to make sure they were at a far enough distance for them not to hear her. She then turned back to Anni, her tone cautiously low,

 

“Me too…” Both the girls seem dumbfounded at what they said, but they soon laughed louder and harder than when Anni said it herself. Anni shook her head with a grin on her face, as her little cat jumped from her shoulder.

 

“Stupid apocalypse!” Anni couldn’t help but keep laughing.

 

“What’s so funny?” Negan asked curiously while walking up behind them, cigarette still in hand. The laughing and smiling was short lived and the two continued their work with an annoyed mood.

 

“Just..washing clothes, dick-bag." Dagger called, looking back at Anni with annoyance in her eyes. Anni sighed to herself, rolling her eyes at the tall man’s approach. Anni looked back at Negan, seeing a playful look on his face as he stopped near her. There was a tense silence as the two washed and drips of water returned to their lake mother as clothes were being rung out. Negan leaned his weapon more into his shoulder and the awkwardness of the situation got more and more intense. Anni finally broke the silence, to call her friendly furry little friend.

"Come here Mari!" Anni wiped her soapy hands onto her dirty jeans, and reached her hands towards her cute-feline friend. Negan furrowed his brows a bit, he'd almost wish she'd show that much enthusiasm towards him. Instead of listening however, Mari did the complete opposite.

Mari started rubbing against Negan's legs, and a small purring noise started to form as the yellow-eyed feline began to rub against his leg. Negan's look of confusion towards the random affection from the small animal quickly turned into an arrogant gaze as he noticed how much this garnered Anni's attention. She mouthed the word 'traitor' towards her animal friend as the cat rubbed against him.

Negan smirked, and stroked the surprisingly silky fur of the small cat. He took this opportunity to talk to Anni, as the cat jumped into his arms. "Good morning, gorgeous." 

"What do you want?" She seethed, clenching her fists onto the wet clothing. Dagger noticed how annoyed Anni had gotten, and kept her mouth shut to see how far this would escalate. Suddenly, Dagger had realized she hadn't want to be any part of what was going to happen so she had escaped.

"I just wanted to say how much I enjoy your company. You're feisty and quite frankly…. beautiful -- and you give me something else to look forward to every day in this shitty world," He smiled, "It's not every day I find someone that…special." 

Anni furrowed her brows at the sudden confession. What was he trying to accomplish? What exactly did he want from her? The Negan she knew was nearly ruthless, especially with how terrible he had treated her friends. She didn't trust this one bit. "Thanks..?" She replied dryly. 

"So…" He 

"I'm not hungry," she said.

"Are you sure?" he asked, and tried to give her a reassuring smile. "You're beautiful and it would be good to see my son eat food I cook."

"No, I'm not hungry," she repeated stubbornly. She turned away from him and walked away in the direction of his house, where she could hear her enemy's voice raised at some point as well. It was hard for Negan to believe that this woman had been through all of this before – having lost everything just like they did now. His life had come full circle; he felt like a different person than he had when he started to be around Anni. Maybe someone who would never have felt so much love for people he didn't even know existed. He would do anything for these three people, despite the fact that they were strangers to him and only temporarily living under his rule. And if they stayed with them forever and ever – then he'd still do whatever it took to make their lives better. Without thinking, he spoke, "You know, I think you're going to make a great wife."

"What..?" He must have been drunk. She could almost smell the whiskey laced into his voice.

"No really, you're gonna be a wonderful wife... for me."

"Uh huh..." Anni dropped her clothing into her basket, this was her cue for leaving. This was just getting weird. Mari must have taken the hint as well, as the small cat jumped onto Anni's shoulder as Anni was in a hurry to collect her things. "Well, it's getting late and I need to feed my…fish."

"I didn't know you had a fish?" He loomed behind her, "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you're trying to avoid me, Anni. Right when I was about to invite you to have a lovely dinner with me, right by the river-side." 

"Like I said, I have to feed my…fish. So I don't have time to attend any shitty ass dinner you have prepared." Anni picked up her basket, absent-mindedly bumping shoulders with the intimidating man. "So, like usual, your lonely ass can eat alone."

"Well, that's too bad. Though I have to say," Negan fake pouted, "It would be a shame if your friends coincidentally went missing after you declined my offer, wouldn't it?" 

Burning rage hissed through your body like deathly poison, screeching a demanded release in the form of unwanted violence. It was like a volcano erupting; fury sweeping off you like ferocious waves. Swiftly turning on her heel, she balled up her fist and clashed it into Negan's face impulsively. She had punched him so hard that an audible crack had sounded from beneath her fist. Not too soon after, blood started gushing from his nose as he fell to the ground shortly before she stormed off.

Negan only smiled as he watched her walk away.

"That woman is going to be my wife one day." 

[soft--dragon]

here, take some lee!ash from lovejoy concepts all based around this clip from james stream

concept 1:

lovejoy have a game that if ash doesn’t show up to rehearsals then they get to tickle him OR alternatively, lovejoy have a game where if ash doesn’t vote in the groupchat poll within 24 hours then he gets tickled. either way, the clip of wilbur entering the room except ash gets all nervous and fidgeting about it

concept 2:

when james offers wilbur with the challenge of making ash laugh, wilbur straight away goes to tickle him as a joke. but ash flinches away anyway. and so wilbur tickles him anyway coz “it was cute and so he deserved it”

concept 3:

ash just occasionally refuses to speak even in band brand practice, and so the other lovejoy members try to make him crack by threatening him with tickles

ASH?? ASH LOVEJOY MY BELOVED???

You have no idea how attached I have become to Ash, Mark, and Joe so receiving this little treat in my inbox made my whole day sweetheart!!

I love the idea of the boys making a game out of getting Ash to speak or laugh, they probably have a little tally chart and everything of who's made Ash crack the fastest.

Mark - who I have diagnosed with Golden Retriever energy - probably tried going "If you don't talk Ash it'll mean you're not my friend and you hate me. Do you hate me Ash? I thought you loved me :(" and Ash adores his friends so of course he'd break just to tell Mark that, even if it was a ploy. Mark is ecstatic every time it happens "HE LOVES ME GUYS!!! HE LOVES ME!!! :D"

Joe gives me the idea that he'd ask Ash things like "I'm heading out for coffee, do you want me to bring anything back for you?" "I've had a bad day, it would be really nice if someone hugged me and told me it would all be okay." "Ash, pls say something I miss your voice" And Ash would give in to Joe's needs because he is not missing out on Greg's coffee again, absolutely not. And Joe is a sweet guy, how could he not indulge him a little?

But of course it was Wilbur that found the cheat code. It was Wilbur who has a little brother that he loves to poke the sides of to make the boy yelp and swat at him. So, he uses this method on Ash, and is delighted to find that it makes the man squirm in place and grin, smacking at his hands as he tries to ignore the sparks shooting through his nervous system. Naturally Wilbur keeps poking until Ash bursts into laughter or gasps at him to cut it out

And so it begins; the boys have their usual tactics, but Wilbur has thrown a new one into the playing field and by god do they abuse it. Ash has had to cut so much footage from his vlogs of his bandmates getting that glint in their eyes and starting towards him like some kind of lion ready to pounce. The tickling is usually brought on by practices becoming dull and needing something to pick it back up, Ash refusing to talk and the boys wanting to hear their friend again, or when they're just seeking out to mess with someone. Ash doesn't really mind it the playful attacks, especially considering Mark probably gets sprung as much as he does. (That one clip of Wilbur and Mark oh my god, do you see where my mind is going-) I am hereby decreeing that Ash and Mark are the common lees of Lovejoy

*drops microphone*

...

*picks microphone back up cause I got more to say*

I refuse to believe there hasn't been a few instances where one of the boys will start a tickle barrage out of nowhere and it devolves into chaos immediately. For instance, in their secluded house for song writing? Tickle fight to help improve moods when they're stressed out or need a bit of fun. Band rehearsals when someone is dicking around and not being serious? Tickle the silliness out of them.

These musically talented lads are so fond of each other that the childish acts of tickling is just another form of affection or fun, and sometimes they need a moment of light-hearted chaos

[soft-edging-kittens]

I broke my "fast"....

I'd only been denied for a week and had been thinking of trying longer, but as I was laying there, on my side, thighs squeezing my hand against me, a few things happened.

Starter:

One of my Kittens reached out, after seeing a horny post, with the question:

Do you need anything to help you Miss?

They ask me this occasionally and I know I can request lewds or nudes whenever I want, so I took pity and let them, although I made it clear I was only going to use them to edge to.

I got a cute video, of them holding their semi-hard dick, stroking in gentle circular motions.

God I love watching that. Imagining being stood behind them and what it would feel like in my hand. Or kneeling in front, telling them they can't cum.

I was already starting to feel a little domme and so asked when they'd last cum, thinking I could instruct them.

It turned out to be minutrs earlier, to one of my stories. I asked which to find out it was a submission, so instead I made them send an anon to the submitter, telling her theu'd cum to that post.

I gave them one of my audio links as reward for doing so.

Main course:

I reached out to @sh0rtsh1tsw0rld to ask if she liked the Anon, and we got talking about some of the other responses I've had to that post and how she should send another.

How revealing may I be in a submission?

That depends if you want me to post it, or just enjoy it in private.

For my blog I'm careful not to post anything that might get flagged. Some of my more exhibitionist followers will also send me the ruder versions as inspiration.

Sat in my inbox is a gif of her from behind, dry humping in some sort of red body suit. In my messages though, a similar video but naked, butt wiggling and rocking back and forth, just enough hidden my bedding.

I was tempted to break there and then, and told her as much, except... I'd kind if offered the orgasm to someone already, in exchange for something. I explained the situation, but said I'd use them later anyway.

Use me all you want. It honestly makes me want to send you more, in hopes that you can't hold off until receiving her video Mhmm. Kinda curious how far you'd push it.

By now I was on my back, legs spread, micro-edging because I was so sensitive.

Another gif, from behind again, except this time full view of her holding a toy between her legs, and I'm watching her fuck it and without warning...

I cum

fuck it was so intense, my whole body shaking and juddering, fingers working me through, I feel myself go light headed and my phone falls out my hand, and I collapse.

It takes a moment before I grab the phone to say I came. It took a good five minutes to stop aching and be able to start to move properly. I think I was wobbly on my legs for another five after that.

I still can't believe how intense it was. As much as I like having the domme mojo back, I might have to do the denial thing again from time to time.

[batarangsoundsdumb]

guess fucking what? my inbox is so fucking full right now i'm unloading all of this shit in one post.

For the 11th gotham memes: gothamites react to bruce being jacked in a tiktok he made with kids, like super yoked, ripped as hell

fucking hilarious thanks. i think i did it in one meme post, but i genuinely don't remember which one

i dunno which of the batfam would do this but one time i was sleeping over at a friends house and ended up on the floor bc the bed was so very small and i just stayed there because the rug was soft

that's a drunk jason move i don't know what to tell you

tim and jason are "i listen to pop punk" solidarity. whenever jason highjacks the batmobile theyll go on long ass car rides blaring mcr and paramore and then never talk about it again

as they should!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! tim: no jason it's my turn using the aux cord i gotta put on my jams jason: don't you dare put on weird shit tim: don't worry, you're gonna love this *plays fearless (taylor's version)

hear me out hear me out, red hood stans 🤝 nightwing stans t h i g h s

holy shit yes.

SNL au: Bruce breaks character when pretending to superman and says something like "I'm not superman! You've seen his gps!! It's from 2001!!!" @sabeanybabe

superman flies past the snl building the next day just to say 'actually it's from 2005, i'm not a heathen'

does your back hurt from carrying the batfam fandom

it hurts more from the exotic rock collection i keep in my backpack, but thanks for the concern.

I love your posts by why would you always leave the best parts in the tags?

as a treat for the people that check the tags ;) (and also because i'm committed to the short post aesthetic)

somehow your playlist was everything i never knew i needed. i mean it. this is my new favorite playlist.

and don't you dare get a new favourite playlist!

babe ur stoner tim playlist is exactly too perfect, earth is literally blessed by ur existence

babe thanks so much! i love my stoner tim playlist because it's just my usual playlist but people think it's an artistic choice that i put taylor swift and britney spears in there, when it's just what i unironically like listening to

JANDKSKDK BILLY RAY CYRUS ON THE STONER TIM PLAYLIST I LOVE IT IT

again it's not even an ironic choice, i know every single word and i genuinely like the song

The last chapter of Fundamentals of Casework has me crying at work. Thanks I love it @dudelookitsalesbian

oh babe, i'm sorry, but also, not sorry i love chapter 4 so much it's my lovechild with the 'mental illness' tag

soooo....stumbled on your tumblr by some stroke of fate??? read your DC fanfic first. which is PHENOMENAL btw. then found all the batmemes; the funniest thing EVER bc everyone forgets about regular old gothamites. kept scrolling and your blog pops up as recommended. clicked on the ao3 for shits and giggles and waddaya know?!?!? it's YOU!!! you're LEGEND!!!! ever seen that meme? it's a video of a cat that got into a baseball field and the two announcers get really invested in his escape attempt and start giving a play by play of the cat instead of the game. memeable moment: "GREAT stuff from the Cat!!!"

i seriously think about this ask every single day and it's so fucking funny to me that i've never seen the meme you're referencing, but i still find myself going 'GREAT stuff from the Cat!!!' whenever i see something funny. but wow i'm glad you liked this steaming pile of garbage

Fav dc character overall? And fav batfamily character?

don't ask me to pick between the loves of my life, but i can tell you i've cried about every single batfamily member and also wally west (my beloved)

What's your opinion on fans having a problem with batfam being "too big"? And some even claim that batfam is just "Bruce Alfred Dick Damian" and the rest of them are just "friends and allies" (source: reddit) Personally, I like batfam because of this reason but idk

stupid. a family can never be too big. i'm not that big a fan of like huge batfam stuff with everybody from every single universe, because as much as it's funny for bruce to have like 30 kids, it just feels a little too OOC for me.

This is the best tag I've seen involving the batfam, thanks for thinking of it

This is canon now @nctxrejects

lmao yeah i think at that point alfred has had to sit through like at least a dozen coming out talks and just has a pride flag collection in the attic that he pulls out whenever a kid comes out

idk why batfam hits different as compared to any other superhero family

bc it's found family and usually the other superhero families are almost all genetically related in one way or another

I don't know if you watch the umbrella academy but I saw your last post about batcest and saw the similarities. But the thing is (although I think it's weird) in TUA, they addressed it by saying "they were raised as weapons, not siblings" or something along those lines, which is simply not the case with batfam.

yeah i watched tua but i also thought it was ridiculous and they still treated each other as siblings so i didn't like the luthor/allison thing, and am glad they stopped doing that shit bc it fucking sucked.

Hot take: Batcest shippers are the same people who believe adopted siblings are not actual siblings

smoking hot take: batcest shippers are the people who watch 'my sister got stuck in the washing machine' porn

Duke was adopted by Bruce?

not technically no, but do i, tumblr user batarangsoundsdumb, look like i care?

True story but I had to change my freaking name because it used to be "Damien" and most people would go "OH LIKE DAMIAN WAYNE" like please I'm just tryna live

true story, but i don't actually think of damian when i hear the name damian, literally the first thing that pops up is damian darkh like bruh what?

apparently dc comics company supported comic stores by giving out new titles and stuff during the beginning of the pandemic to help them run and I just think that's wholesome

ah yeah that's so fucking cool, still don't like dc, the company, because this world is a capitalist hellhole and we're all owned by warner brothers or disney with no in between.

ayo looking at tumblr head canons and finding out bruce is actually a terrible father is a punch in the gut

lmao yes, in like 50% of comics bruce is a terrible father and it gives me whiplash

oooh I just saw the jason todd vs winter soldier post and the real question is: batman vs iron man

while iron man has like hundreds of cases of armor, batman could throw out an emp and have the guy dropping out of the sky in 2 seconds.

dickfast = fastdick = quickdick = quickie

magnum hot take

hey bata(?) just thought I'd let you know I have copied the obnoxious emoji and Billy Ray post for use on simping men going forth

thank you 😘🌷 (@spacebarsidecar)

why would you do that to your followers???? i get why i did it, but why would you???

what is scarecrow made the nightwing funko pop himself, like those diy-ers that paint over other ones

oh god no, horrible take, horrible take, that's a disgusting thought oh no

I see your HC that Bruce and Oliver fucked and raise you this: Dick and Roy ALSO fucked

yes they did and it was a horrible moment for jason to find out dick has fucked both of his best friends

"at this rate bruce adds like 1 child to his family every decade or so" Duke is introduced in 2013, Damian as Damian, not as an unnamed child, in 2006. And he is already 14 years old, Robins rarely remain Robins after 16 😬 It looks like a new Robin and Batkid will appear in a couple of years

i mean i can't wait? but somebody will probably die first tho, we're due for another major character death. my money's on either cass or duke this time.

BRO you're so right all of your Bruce's ex headcanons are amazing but they aren't ships, that's kinda wild. Like I don't want any peeks into how their relationship was I just want to see everyone make fun of them

lmao YES it's just i love bruce being a slut, like good for him.

I am in love with your posts your honour thank you

omg thanks are we like,, gonna kiss now?

The justice league needs to have a meeting to discuss how many of their members/partners have slept with bruce. Because through a combination of cannon & fannon (if DC wasn’t homophobic) we have AT LEAST: 1) clark 2) lois 3) oliver 4) dinah 5) john

Thats not counting villains or random civilians @dudelookitsalesbian

yes yes yes, they'll have a yearly meeting about how many of their collective exes could be out for revenge and batman's list just keeps getting longer.

tim was like "i'm drake now" and everyone was like ahh so your fursona is a dragon and tim was like pffffft no. ducks.

and what about it?

when steph's fighting livewire and she zaps her with lighting and nothing happens and then they both just. stand there awkwardly for a second and talk. yeah i couldn't stop laughing at that batgirl steph is the BEST

oh yeah that was fucking hilarious and i think it would be so cool and sexy of dc to give steph a little comic series,,, as a treat

Hi I absolutely adore all of yours "Bruce and Oliver very badly pretending they didn't fuck each other" memes

lmao i do too

I need you to know that “Bruce Wayne had frosted tips” is one of my favorite Bruce takes of all time it’s so galaxy brained. you’re right and you should say it

he also painted his hair blonde once when he was travelling and in conclusion, this is why he's being blackmailed by the gotham gazette.

you know my thing about gordon being branded as the only good cop in gotham is its a load of shit like arguably he's a good person and not working to screw people over or anything but the fact that he also works w. batman makes him a shit cop. like yea batman is better than the mob but its still illegal its still an abuse of power he just not making bank

babe, all cops are bad cops. (but yeah youre absolutely right, working with vigilantes makes you a shit cop, but also working against vigilantes just makes you an asshole cop yanno?)

ruh roh i think i’m about to add “so not yeehaw” every time i don’t like something

that's a very good vocabulary upgrade

somehow i feel like steph already knew. like babs obviously knew but i feel like bruce got high/drunk in front of steph and started telling his boarding school stories and steph was just like “oh you fucked up i’m never gonna forget this”

steph and bruce have weird uncle/rebellious niece dynamic and they just hang out sometimes and bruce will be like 'i once broke my arm when i tripped over a hedge when i was drunk so oliver drove me to the hospital on an electric scooter' and steph will just have to sit there with that knowledge in her head.

Hello I just wanted to tell you you are So right in all your steph opinions bc she is, in fact amazing and I think that's very sexy of you. Ps. Your Bruce/Oliver fic is hilarious

babe, thank you so much and yes steph is amazing and i love her and she deserves the world and she's the best member of the batfam hands down. also thanks

In Supersons we see a couple of kids that are implied to be Damian and Jon's children and the boy has laser eyes and can fly, so I asume he's not adopted. The girl, who calls Bruce grandpa, can also fly, btw. So it's canon (probably by accident) that Jon can have kids and he must have married one of Bruce's kids. (I'm hoping for Damian, mostly because any other of his children would be waaaaaaaaaaaaay too old.) @artemisa97

lmao that was probably an accident seeing as jon is a 17 year old superhero in the year 3000 (by the jonas brothers)

You know, I'm a die hard fan of your memes, but I gotta say one thing: if Gothamites actually took gas mask everywhere with them, then the Scarecrow would just be a weird dude in a weird costume, and not a villain oh so scary. DC really should just takes notes from you.

bold of you to assume there's no gothamite anti-maskers

How does it feel being the funniest person on this app?

horrible, next question.

I can't listen to Green Day or Billy Joel without thinking of your post about how Bruce got arrested at a Billy Joel concert @nightwings-kid

yeah that's your mistake, i on the other hand can't enjoy billy joel without thinking about the glee rendition of 'uptown girl'

I've FINALLY been watching the Batman animated series and I gotta say, after watching "the gray ghost" I am CONVINCED that Batman is a closeted super hero geek who was 100% freaking out the first time he met Superman and is just REALLY good at hiding it.

superman: so what do you do in your free time? batman, thinking about the superman fanfiction he's writing on the batcomputer: i have no free time

bruce and oliver be like boyfriends to co-workers 401k (do the justice leagues get 401ks??? not that bruce and ollie would need them, but-)

lmao yes just 400 thousand words of bruce realising 'oh dip oliver is such a fucking dumbass' (also i don't know what a 401 k is but i assume they don't?)

Gothamites would totally boo superman as he saves Gotham while batman is out. @meenje

he's like 'okay think about that next time you want to be saved from an alien octopus'

I just took long break from dc comics and I come back to see ric grayson ??

i think it's very cool and sexy of dc to see dick and just think 'you know what? let's just give him a traumatic brain injury' and then didn't develop his character in any real way

SPEAKING OF RIC GRAYSON, gothamites making confused memes out of ric grayson is much needed

'dick grayson is my taxi driver? can anyone explain what the fuck happened he looks like an italian plumber?'

i hate to say it but batfam are def "marvel characters" in that sense they are characters who are human but become superheroes unlike most dc characters who are gods trying to be human maybe this is why I like batfam

fair enough

[kisekinodrabbles]

Can we get detective Aomine, who gets assigned a female partner but from the start they're always at each other's throats. During an undercover case, reader has to be super flirty and Aomine gets all jealous and mutual confessions ensues. Maybe some sexy times at the end? :') Sorry if this is too specific, feel free to come up with your own interpretation! I'm such a huge fan of your work Sam and I'm so excited that you're opening your askbox even just for a little while!

ngl idk what im doing here but this is the last request in my inbox so i wanted to finish it haha pls enjoy (not proofread so excuse mistakes) - also my first time writing smut in like years so forgive me!!

Sometimes, Aomine thinks that if he isn’t a law and order professional, he thinks he might actually commit murder and hide your body away in some undisclosed, obscure location. Most of the time, you feel the same way about him. 

The two work in different divisions—Aomine in homicide and you in robbery. The two divisions have always been highly competitive especially given how much overlap you both encounter. Things can get territorial, but their teams are used to your snide remarks and Aomine’s verbal assault. It’s just the way the world works. 

After all, the two of you were in the same graduating class. You, a valedictorian by books. Aomine, top of the class by combat. It’s natural that the two of you are so competitive with your conflicting personalities.

The two of you may have also fucked at some point. 

–

“I’m not fucking working with her, are you kidding me?” Aomine spits out at his boss. Any other person would’ve been kicked out of the room or probably fired, but Aomine is the best detective in his division so Akashi would never do such a thing. For now. Aomine’s been wearing his patience thin. 

The red-haired man sighs, folding his hands together atop his desk. “Aomine, I understand you both have had your immaturity in the past. This, however, isn’t the time for such trivial matters. There’s a double homicide downtown during a robbery. She’s the lead for the case on the robbery end because they’ve been tracking a series of these.” Aomine opens his mouth to argue again. “No more buts. She’s already down there getting witness statements. Unless you want to be behind again, I suggest you get in your car and start driving.” 

He grits his teeth. Breathe. Don’t strangle your boss, he’ll probably kill you first. “I’ll take Wakamatsu.”

By the time he arrives on the scene, a crowd has gathered behind the police line, snapping pictures in the hopes of getting something Twitter worthy. He growls past all of them and ducks underneath the tape. “Where’s the officer that called it in?”

“Inside talking to the detective.”

“I’m the detective,” he snaps right back, knowing full well you’re already three steps ahead of him. And you definitely won’t let him forget that.

He marches past the thick front doors, Wakamatsu in tow. From a distance, he spots you talking to another officer. When he finally approaches you, he realizes that you’re in a skin tight dress covered by an oversized police jacket.

Your name slips past his lips. “Did we interrupt a hot date?” He smirks.

You whirl around, knowing full well the irritating voice that grates on your nerves. Aomine Daiki. “Unlike you, I have actual friends and actual plans on a Friday night. Did you decide to give your wrist a break for the night?” 

Aomine bites back, “Well, it’s not getting much rest either when I had my fingers knuckle deep in something tight and wet tonight.” Complete lie but he’s not about to lose this battle. “Not sure you know how that feels though.”

“If you’re talking about the pudding in your fridge, you might want to ease up on that. Doesn’t look like it’s doing you any favors,” you smile right back at him, knowing full well you’ve won this argument.

Aomine growls low under his breath, jabbing Wakamatsu hard with his elbow when he hears the snort escape him. “Brief me on the situation,” he tells the police officer.

“Well, uh, I already told this detective here—”

“I’m the other detective in charge for homicide. Now, you better fucking brief me before I tell your captain.”

The guy glances at you warily and you just laugh. “Told you he hasn’t gotten any in a long time. Come on, sugar, I’ll brief you on the way down to the vault.” You curl your finger in a gesture to get him to follow you and he sucks up his pride for the first time and do as he’s told. If he solves this case, he still gets the credit and you can go back to that sewer where you came from.

There are two bodies at the vault and forensics are already working to collect evidence when they arrive. “Your area of expertise, double homicide. Both are surprisingly the robbers. Four of them broke in, only two were seen exiting with money bags. No other casualties.”

“Fucking weird,” Aomine mutters. It’s not new for robberies to go wrong, but for two of them to die with no civilian casualty? That’s fucking weird.  

“Interesting, isn’t it?” You grin, seeming way too pleased considering there are two dead people in front them. “The ammo is the same as the previous bank robberies in the area. We’re going to assume they’re linked to the Red Dragon clan.”

“Fuck,” he groans, “I fucking hate those guys. Bitches to deal with. Hard to infiltrate.”

You flick your hair over your shoulder, grinning at him. He can’t help but draw his gaze to your neck, a very attractive neck. Now that he notices how tight that dress is, he can’t help but admit that it has been a while since he’s gotten any action. The curves of your breast defined so clearly by the fabric that stretches across the mounds, the flow of your hips, every dip and rise. Your exposed legs further emphasized by your heels. God fucking damn. He feels his pants tighten as he licks his teeth. Get it together, Aomine. 

Of course, the clothes do nothing to remove the memory of your nude body from his mind. He’s seen all parts of you some time ago. A drunken mistake that ended in a brief, but extremely satisfying night of passion. Your tight pussy wrapped around his cock, your nails digging into his biceps. He can still picture the sheen layer of sweat on your skin as he rams into you, your broken moans falling from your lips. 

“Well, lucky for you,” you start again, pulling him out of the hazy cloud of lust. “I already have someone on the inside. They’ve set up a meeting for me tomorrow night meet with the head’s son. I’ll try to get some information done.” 

“Lucky for you, I’m free tomorrow to be your backup. You’re welcome,” Aomine smiles, “Don’t fuck this up. I don’t feel like cleaning up after your ass.”

“I should say that about you, asshole.”

–

Aomine is sat in a dingy van just across the street from the bar you’re having your meeting. You’ve hidden your mic in the perfect spot, a location which you do not disclose to Aomine. However, he has a feeling it’s somewhere promiscuous that he wants to be aware of. They can see the restaurant clearly, their brat hacker Sakurai having plugged into the restaurant’s security cameras. 

“Shut the fuck up, Aomine. I can hear you munching on your stupid sour cream and onion chips.” You mutter into your mic before the guy arrives. You sip your wine and take a deep breath. This isn’t the first time you’ve gone undercover but it is the first time to have Aomine behind you while you do so. 

The detective looks down at the can in his hands. Sour cream and onion. How did you know? He sets it aside, bringing the mic up to his lips. “Maybe you should do your job better and focus on your meeting instead of listening to me. Why are you so obsessed with me, hm?” 

However, a man’s voice on the other side of the headphones has him straightening. “Good evening, I didn’t expect to be meeting a lovely lady like you tonight,” the sleaze says and Aomine can just imagine him kissing your hand. “When Tanaka said I’d be meeting with the right hand of White Claw, I didn’t expect it to be a woman.”

“Well, we are moving up in life, Mr. Ito.”

“Your good looks are certainly quite persuasive. I’m sure there are ways you can convince me to strike a deal.”

Fucking. Sleaze.

“Oh,” you laugh lightly, “what a flatterer. You’re not so bad yourself. I can imagine people fall at their feet for you.”

“Well, I am quite knowledgeable in more ways than one. Perhaps I can show you tonight after dinner.”

The two banter back and forth, trading flirty comments that puts Aomine on edge. You’re supposed to be doing your job and he knows that. He knows this is all an act but you’re a damn good actress. 

“Aomine, where are you going?” Wakamatsu’s concerned voice carries through the speaker.

You freeze. This fucker better not screw this whole operation up. “Well,” you say, “this has been a lovely dinner. I’m sure we both can come to an agreement without doing anything reckless.” 

The double meaning, a sentence meant for the man across from you and the man listening to you rings clear. Aomine growls, sitting back down petulantly in his seat. He was about to rage in there and start a war, but holds himself back. Be professional, Aomine. Job first, dick needs later. 

“The same to you. It’s been a pleasure meeting you,” the man smiles. “Are you sure you won’t join me for the night?”

Aomine snarls low into his mic. Wakamatsu shoots him a weird look. You let out a little giggle and he knows it’s meant for him. “No, thank you, Mr. Ito. I’m afraid I have other commitments to tend to.” 

When he knows it’s safe, he storms into the restaurant where you still sit, sipping your drink. Sliding into the seat across from you, he rolls his eyes. “Enjoy yourself?” 

He didn’t see when you were set up with the mic earlier so he also hadn’t seen what you were wearing. He’s almost grateful because he knows he might’ve lost it if he did. Tight ass dress, deep neckline that shows ample cleavage (he’s always a sucker for this), sultry eyes, red lips. God, all his favorite things packaged into one. 

Your lips quirk up. “The breadsticks here are quite nice.”

“Fucking hilarious. Let’s go.”

“Why the hurry?”

“Unless you want Wakamatsu to hear me fuck you, you better dump that mic and get your ass up.”

You lean back, narrowing your eyes at him. “I’m not sure I like your tone.”

“Trust me, you don’t have to like my tone to enjoy what I’m going to do to you.”

Licking your lips, you consider your options as you bring the wine back to your lips. “Fine,” you mutter, unclipping the mic from the strap of your dress. Aomine moves faster though, snatching it from your hands and dumping it into the wine. Before you can protest, he already has a hand wrapped around yours, tugging you up from your seat and into the back room. 

You’re stumbling in his manic rush, heels barely keeping up with your movements. “Aomine!” You chide as he pushes all the way to the employee break room. The space is fortunately empty and Aomine locks it to make sure it stays that way. “Can you please stop?! You’re such a caveman, I—”

He’s quick to shut you up, swallowing your words with his lips as they slot over yours. He doesn’t waste time, shrugging off his leather jacket as he licks your bottom lip for permission. You gasp a complaint, but he takes advantage of the situation to stick his tongue in, pressing it up against yours. 

All your worries fall away into a moan as he separates from you only to gasp for breath and pull his t-shirt over his head. With nimble fingers, he’s unzipping the back of your dress and yanking it down, leaving your top half exposed. Shivering, you’re about to voice your disapproval but your brain seems to stop functioning the second your gaze lands on his tanned body.

Aomine’s always been attractive. No one can deny. There’s a reason why he’s simultaneously the precinct’s most eligible bachelorette and most insufferable jackass. His confidence matches his skills. His looks live up to his brags. Hard lines and shadows are painted on him like a masterpiece in a museum. His broad shoulders make him look even bigger with his height. His jeans that hang just low enough to be tantalizing with the hint of a v that leads to the space between his legs. 

Your mouth dries up at the sight and Aomine smirks knowingly. You’ve fallen into his bed before, he can make it happen again. “Take a picture, it’ll last longer.”

“Fifth grade humor doesn’t become you, Aomine.” You scowl as he backs you up against the table in the middle of the room. He effortlessly grabs you by the ass to lift you up and onto the surface, the metal cool against your exposed thighs. 

“Did you dress up for me, doll? Knowing full well that this was going to happen,” he grins devilishly, bringing his hands up to shamelessly cup your breasts. 

It’s not as if you’re embarrassed for being so bare before him. You’re proud of your body and he damn well knows that. You let him fondle you through your bra for a little bit. “No, you animal. I dress for the job.”

“You tell me you wear this flimsy thing—” he teases the light coverage of your lingerie. The lace is sheer and barely covers your nipples, the material holding onto your breasts for dear life. “—for the job?”

“I do my job right, asshole,” you spat right back. “So are you just going to stand there or are you going to fuck me?”

A wide grin stretches across his face. The heat in his eyes carry to his hands as he works to unclasp your bra and let it fall to the ground. Aomine doesn’t waste time as you lean back on your palms, granting him full access to fondle and suckle on your tits. His tongue swirls around the sensitive nubs that have grown stiff in the contrast between the cold air and his warm breath. His teeth graze the sensitive skin hard enough to have you groaning in pleasure. His lips close in around them and suck. He uses his hand to tease and tug your other breast, pinching it to elicit that delicious whimper out of you. Aomine alternates between the two, making sure you stay warm. 

Meanwhile, you let your hand fall to the bulge between his legs. He lets out a small grunt at the initial touch but seems to respond favorably to the way you stroke the tent, nudging his hips forward for more friction. “Is that a gun in your pants or are you just excited to see me?”

“You’re so fucking ridiculous,” Aomine mutters, both humored and unamused by your comment. 

“Fuck,” you let slip as your fingers struggle to unbutton his jeans. “Your fucking pants. Don’t you live in sweats? You choose today of all days to wear your stupid tight jeans?”

Aomine chuckles, “Patience, baby. You know you like my ass in these.”

You do, but you’re not about to admit that. He quickly works off his pants, letting them drop to his ankles as he moves towards you again. While he continues to stimulate your tits, your hand begins groping his cock which is rock hard and peeking from the top of his boxers.

“God, I miss having this inside me,” you whine, pulling the flimsy fabric off and letting it pool on top of his jeans. “Condom?”

“You don’t want me raw? You know you want to feel all of my cock,” he grins. You throw him a glare and he just chuckles as he reaches for his wallet on the floor, pulling out a packet and tossing it onto the table. “But first,” he pauses, letting his hands slide down to cup your pussy, which is admittedly already drenched at that point. 

He hisses when he feels your juices drip and coat his fingers. “You’re so fucking wet, goddamn. How long have you been waiting for this?”

“When that robbery happened, I was about to get laid for the first time in months. So fucking sue me,” you snarl at him. 

“Well, I am here to please,” he wets his lips. He slips one finger in, sliding in all too easily. So he adds another finger and feels your walls pulse around him. He begins pulling it out before shoving it back in, repeating the measure to stroke your walls. He curls his fingers inside as he watches your face closely.

Your expression morphs from irritation to blinding pleasure in an instant. Your eyes slide shut, your lips part to exhale shaky breaths. Aomine seems to know exactly how to angle and twist his fingers to induce a heart attack. The sounds falling from your mouth are ephemeral, Aomine wishes he can film this moment so he can replay it over and over again. 

He pumps his fingers into you and ducks his head to take your nipple into his mouth again, tongue circling the tip. “God, you taste so fucking good. I forgot how wet you can get. Don’t even need lube to slide into you, huh? You’re already dripping for me.” 

“Asshole,” you murmur weakly, clearly in no place to retort. 

“Remember the first time I fucked you? God, you were so easy,” he grins, “you were so wet, so turned on already. Remember when I stuck my tongue in your pussy? Licking up your juices. You tasted so sweet.” 

Your breath stutters in your chest, hitching in your throat. “Fuck you, let’s not forget how quickly you came when I sucked you off.”

“I mean, the sight of you on your knees is enough to get anyone off, sweetheart.” 

“Fuck me,” you groan. Any rational thought has fizzled from your brain. The feeling of his fingers inside you is enough to consume you whole, overwhelming you in waves of rapture. 

“What was that?”

“Dickwad.”

He chuckles darkly, licking his lips again. “Beg me.”

“I’m not going to—”

Aomine yanks his fingers out, looking down at you, taunting you. He waits as you internally struggle with your moral convictions. Are you willing to give up your pride for one night just to get fucked out of your mind?

Easy.

Yes.

“Please,” you huff, “please fuck me.” 

“Please fuck me who?”

Your eyes find the ceiling, wondering what in the hell you did in your lifetime to have met the devil that is Aomine. Biting your lip, you lean closer to whisper, “Please fuck me, Da-i-ki.” 

The man is a sucker for you calling him by his first name. And to get what you want, you’re willing to play into his hands. Aomine lets out a low growl before ripping open the condom packet and rolling the thin rubber along his length. Your pussy squeezes at the sight. Just imagining what it’s like to have that thickness inside of you, fucking you full, has you on edge. 

He doesn’t waste a single second, pulling you forward and slowly positioning himself in front of you. He holds onto his cock, letting the tip trace your pussy lips, circling it and letting your juices drip onto his cock. Stroking the wetness along his dick, he uses it as a lubricant before he slides himself inside you.

When he’s buried to the hilt, Aomine leans forward and lets his forehead rest on your shoulder. Your pussy is so fucking tight. It’s squeezing and throbbing around him with the engulfing heat. He feels as if he’s going to explode right then. 

“Fuck, you really haven’t been screwed in a while,” Aomine rasps. 

“Told you.”

Aomine starts off slow, pulling out and pushing back in. With how thin the condom is, he can feel every ridge, every bump in your heat rub up against his cock. The sensations is enough to have his thighs quivering, but he’s not one to back down. He begins to pick up the pace, thrusting deep inside of you repeatedly. HIs mouth latches onto your neck, tongue lapping and teeth nipping to paint purple blooms upon your skin. 

His movements are building a bubbling pressure in the pit of your stomach. You feel your heart tightening with every move, your insides squeezing. The absolute pleasure that crashes over you has you breathless, your hands finding purchase on his arms. 

He mutters filthy words in your ear, one of his hands reaching up to tangle in your hair. He yanks back lightly, just enough to have you moaning. You like it rough, he’s well aware of that. He pounds into you relentlessly, hands keeping you in place as whimpers tumble from your mouth. 

“Fuck, right there, oh god,” you gasp, “fuck me harder. God, your dick feels so good. Filling me up so full with your thick cock.” 

“Keep talking like that and I’ll be tempted to come in you, baby,” Aomine grazes his teeth along your ear, hot breath kissing your skin. “God, I want to just fucking cream inside you.” 

“Better watch yourself, Daiki.”

Aomine grins lasciviously, sweat beginning to bead his forehead as he attempts to keep himself in check. He feels you tighten your pussy, walls closing in around him. “Bitch,” he growls. You know what you’re doing but he’s not about to let you gain dominance of the situation.

So his hands dig deeper into your hips as he fucks you harder and deeper, his cock pulsating inside of you on the brink of his self-control. “I’m about to come,” he says with eyes squeezed shut. If he sees your tits bouncing as he fucks you again, he might actually combust in that second. 

“Me too,” you panted, fingers scraping down his arms. 

With a few more pumps, Aomine spills into the rubber with a grunt. He feels you convulse around him, your entire body trembling in the aftermath of your orgasm. He can feel his come continue to leak from his cock. God, he hasn’t come this hard in a fucking long time. 

His heart is thundering in his chest from the impact of his climax. He slumped forward, leaning against you for support—also partially to feel your tits press up against his chest. “Fuck,” he huffs.

“That was good,” you admit to yourself, still breathing heavily as you begin fixing your hair. “We should do that again sometime.”

Aomine just laughs, huffing against your skin. “You’re the fucking she-devil.”

“Says the guy who’s fucking me in the back room in the middle of an undercover operation.”

“Dick first, job second.”

–

Wakamatsu looks at him when he walks into the precinct that morning. “You do realize the captain is going to kill you for fucking up that expensive mic, right?”

Fuck.

[smutty-ki113r]

Everyone be like "Ohhh I wanna shift to get that dick" and I'm like "I wanna shift to spoil the crap out of them because Hon all of them need a crap ton of support and unconditional love" like no joking if it weren't for the static thing I would hug slender man. A forest ain't a good place to be so fancy also that he need shrugs. Like look at him he looks liek he gives them good hugs

Here, here is me about to give myself motivation and JUST TELL YALL ABOTU THINGS.

I dunno where to begin actually. More like, im gonna shift, and god damn im excited. Ive been trying for a while now, and ive had my ups and downs about how close im getting. A few months back I started actually believing that I was gonna shift, and coming to peace with the fact that I will do it, the moment of when unspecified but the reality of the fact standing strong. Setting up healthy routines was next, self care stuff and meditation, a healthy sleep schedule that I made myself develop. I had to get my intentions in order, and start looking for the signs around me. For me, angel numbers have been a huge help. I used to try and not be able to shift, just take a sort of little nap and then wake up at 3:33am or 4:44am. At first I thought I was going crazy but now I have just accepted it. Then there was that one night where I managed to get halfway, and it gave me a huge reality shock. That’s what my mind goes back to every time I doubt my ability.

I have no script but I have intention and a sort of outline of basic things about the reality I want to go to. I know exactly how I will wake up and I am in full belief that it’s going to happen like that, or sort of like that. I don’t expect any romantic relationships with anyone, god I just wanna get there and have this newfound realization about the possibilities. Not for greed or sex or whatever else lol, I just really really want a hug from ben. Like mega badly. Perhaps this is me over sharing but a lot of times I’ll sob when I think about him. Multiple reasons why, but I guess I’m so attached to him. I have so much love and nobody to give it to in this reality, so I guess I’m holding on to him.

WOW im never gonna look at this again LOL and there’s so much to say, I ENCOURAGE EVERYONE. If you ever wanna vent or just tell me something in inbox. I read all my messages, it takes me a while to sort but my anon feature is on, and if you ever need to dm me plz don’t hesitate.

[keilemlucent]

So I realized that I don't know much about you. So it was very difficult for me to write a fic with you in it. But I did write something that hopefully brings you a little bit of joy. It's got a little bit of degradation, a little bit of jealousy, and your requested moan muffling. Oh yeah and a whole heck of a lot of SMUT!!!! So here we go again imagine with me:

You had ignored his calls all day to get revenge for him picking up that extra patrol. He had promised you that you would spend the day together but he had accepted anyway. Keigo had one rule. Only one and that was to answer when he called. Your safety was his top priority and he needed that reassurance throughout the day. He'd check in to make sure you'd eaten, taken your meds, and stayed safe and healthy. You were so mad at him for ruining your day together. You'd decided to rebel on this particular day. He'd gotten one simple text from you today "sorry I'm busy see you at home." This was after about fifteen phone calls and three text messages. After that you'd left your angry birdman on read.

He had found you out with friends on his way home and he'd walked in to the restaurant. You were laughing at a joke your friend Denki had told and touched his arm. This sent his jealousy into over drive and when you heard that familiar jovial voice behind you say " Hey there baby bird" you had frozen. He was wearing his signature hero smile, but you knew better. Keigo was fucking furious. You didn't protest as he scooped you up and said "we have a date guys sorry, she'll catch up with you later." He flew you straight to the balcony of your apartment and practically threw you inside. Oh god were you in for it.

"I thought that we had a 'date' Keigo" you asked innocently.

"We do. With the fucking bedroom. Looks like I'll have to fuck some manners into you" He smirked as his feathers bound your hands and his big beautiful arms scooped you up again to carry you to the bedroom.

He dropped you onto the bed and you saw pure rage radiate back at you from those beautiful golden orbs. His feathers made quick work of Shredding your favorite outfit causing you to groan in protest. He mounted you and silenced you with a violently passionate kiss.

"You did this to yourself baby bird" He flipped you over and brought your ass up while pushing your back into a painful arch and shoving your face into the mattress with force.

"Now bratty little sluts only get to cum when Daddy says so." With that he shoved two fingers deep inside filling you with desire. You were already practically dripping from anticipating this all day.

" kei-"

"shut the fuck up. Look at you, you filthy whore dripping and slick. It was that yellow haired bitch that got you all hot and bothered wasn't it?" He growled as he started a brutal pace using his other had to stimulate your puffy bundle of nerves.

" Na- No Kei... Only you, kei I..." You could barely formulate a sentence as he started hitting that sweet spongy spot within your core at a intense and almost bruising pace. your moans were echoing through the bedroom and you felt your release approach without warning as you released all over his hands.

SMACK!!! Keigo slapped your ass so hard that your hips dropped.

" Who said you could cum huh?" He flipped you over to face him

"and I'm not even close to done with you baby bird. You've been making all those loud pretty noises for the whole world to hear. All I've done is finger you. We wouldn't want to upset Pikachu with those loud moans now would we?" He wedged your legs open with his knees. Then began unclasping his belt and unzipping his zipper shimming his pants down to reveal a very hard, throbbing, and veiny member. Your eyes got wide.

"Ready princess? You nodded and closed your e/c eyes.

He thrust into you with full force. Keigo was usually one to tease but he was far too worked up for that right now. All he could think about was the sight of you completely fucked out and drooling when he finished with you. He waited a moment for you to adjust and then began to do that beautiful dance. Summoning some extremely graphic moans and screams from you.

"Feel good angel?" He said with a smirk as he pounded into your sweet spot. All you could manage was a nod and a moan. His pace was precise and it was like he was reading your moans. He reached down and began to rub your sensitive spot with vigor and intent.

"AHHHH DADDY RIGHT THERE AHHHHHH I CAN'T---" He slapped his hand over your mouth to muffle you screams.

" Shut up! We don't want the entire city to get jealous now do we?" He whispered into your ear as he continued to fuck you into absolute Oblivion with his hand still clasped over your mouth. You approached your second high and moaned to signal your request.

" Aww you wanna cum all over this cock angel?" He growled. You just looked up nodding and moaning.

"Okay angel together then,....... fucking come" you both reached your high. Keigo cursed as he released into your pulsating sex. It felt like you were sucking him in with a death grip on his dick as he released scalding hot ribbons of his love into you. He painted your insides white claiming you as his once again.

He collapsed next to you pulling you to his chest. He had accumulated quite a bit of sweat during your session. His beautiful golden locks had fallen to his forehead and were now sticking to it.

"I hope that you know I love you angel. Im sorry that I ruined our day and I'm sorry that I'm such a jealous bastard." He moved your hair out of your face and examined you. Your pupils were huge and your body was glistening in the sunsets light that crept through the window. Every curve and every dip was beautiful to him. It was like you were designed to be his. " Fuck baby bird you're so damn beautiful like this."

.........................................................................................

I hope that you like this I wrote it for you to show my appreciation. I'm sorry I sent these anonymously I just don't have a whole lot of confidence in my writing skills. I really hope that you liked it. I found your Tumblr during a really low point in my life. You're writing helped me through a lot and I really appreciate everything you do. I cannot express enough how amazing it's been to have that writing to go back to. I also apologize because this smut got a lot filthier than I intended 🥺 I hope that you have the absolute best day today.

-Imaginon

imagion this is such a TREAT!!!!!! thank u for the inbox blessing!!!! i rlly needed this today :’’’’^) some nice lil horny brat energy for a Friday night <333

thank u my dear, i adore this and u!!!!!!!

[punkscowardschampions]

Buster & Rio

Buster: Where's Nance? Buster: You had her last Rio: No idea Rio: Junior's room maybe? Buster: Cheers Rio: 👍 Rio: Any time Buster: Yeah Rio: Good talk, McKenna Buster: You wish, babe Rio: No doubt Rio: highlight of my night Buster: I know Rio: You don't need to say it Buster: You don't need to still be saying anything but you are Rio: Off you go then Buster: Make me then Rio: The reek of desperation is overpowered by your dad's cologne you clearly knicked Buster: Shame you didn't nick any lines from him 'cause yours are weak whereas he hardly ever loses an argument Rio: Come at him with the hero worship Rio: you turn my stomach without it, like Buster: He wishes Buster: And I'd have to find him first Buster: Probably hiding in the bathroom, unlucky for you Rio: Awh Rio: like father like son Buster: Fuck off Rio: No, you Rio: that's what we're doing here Buster: I'm nothing like that cunt Buster: And if that's the best you can do, give up Rio: If it didn't touch a nerve, why are you being such a pussy about it Rio: again, go convince yourself of that lie and all Rio: not what I'm here for Buster: If you were capable of touching a nerve, being convincing or telling a decent lie it'd almost be worth having you here Rio: 💔 Rio: If only I could say the same for you Buster: You can't say anything for me 'cause that'd involve speaking to me as well as about me, which you're also incapable of Rio: Why would I need to do either Rio: or wanna Buster: You tell me Buster: You're heartbroken by your own admission Rio: For you, babe, not about you Buster: You done now that's off your chest or is there more bullshit to come? Rio: You're out here begging for a reason to go Rio: not me begging you to stay Buster: I don't beg so you're gonna need a new fantasy Rio: Ha Rio: The one where you're not in my face has been a dream, honestly 💋 Buster: Yeah, I bet Buster: And if I was allowed to leave, I would Rio: Get over it Rio: Its a wedding, no one wants to be here Buster: Get over me Buster: Fucked if your parents don't but whatever Rio: They've done this many years and dramas, I doubt a real wedding will be what tips them over the edge, honey Buster: Do they need a new toaster? That could've been what swung it Rio: I hope so Rio: need one that does at least 10 slices at a time Buster: Fingers crossed someone's got 'em one that does 6 and another cunt's bought one that does 4 then Rio: Careful, that was almost like exchanging pleasantries Rio: you can admit you got them a toaster and still be a dick about it, amateur Buster: Calm down, just 'cause my name's on the card don't mean I have any fucking idea what was wrapped Rio: See Rio: such a #lad Buster: If you get excited about being in the kitchen making breakfast more fool you Rio: We all have to do it Rio: may as well do it with an all singing all dancing toaster Buster: That's your birthday present done and delivered then, babe Buster: You're welcome in advance Rio: I'll expect it and the 'Sorry I can't make it' first class Buster: 'Course Buster: I'll get your name put on it, how many slices do you personally want? Rio: 😏 Rio: Go six or go home, obviously Buster: Size matters Buster: Alright, I'll remember Rio: Girls gotta eat Buster: Especially on your birthday Buster: Still a princess then Rio: Duh Rio: Thought I'd give the tiara a miss though Buster: Shame Rio: Of course you'd think so Buster: What's that meant to mean? Rio: Sure its all foreign princesses and socialites Buster: Are you? Rio: Don't you wanna tell me it is Buster: Not really Rio: Alright Rio: I'll be sure then Buster: Good to know, like Buster: I'll see you around then Rio: at the next wedding perhaps Buster: Not if I'm old enough to not be forced to attend Rio: Unlikely Rio: someone always shacking up Buster: Yeah but in this fam they have their kids first so I've got loads of time Rio: Well Rocky just had his first so Rio: no you don't Buster: There's no way he'll stop at that one Rio: You don't have to birth your own bridal party Rio: they could do it and then have more, not a death sentence Buster: They won't though Rio: You're so clueless Buster: Fuck off Buster: I am not Rio: You are Buster: Why? Rio: Rocky isn't like the rest of this fam Rio: he's already garda Rio: why wouldn't he buck the trend there too Buster: Kids are expensive as fuck Buster: So are weddings Rio: If you're you Rio: I'm sure they'll go down the office and get it done nice and simple Buster: That ain't a wedding that's paperwork Rio: 🙄 I'm sure they'll be devastated to not meet your high standards too, McKenna Buster: You mean you'll be devastated to not see me there Buster: 'Cause there won't be the fam gathering you've got your fingers crossed that we cross paths at if they keep it cheap and simple Rio: He's enough like this family that there will still be a party at the pub Rio: don't be stupid Buster: Make your mind up, Cavante Buster: He's either one of 'em or he ain't Rio: You wish it was that simple Buster: I don't need wishes for that Buster: It is Rio: Nah Buster: Like I said, you ain't convincing Rio: Why do you want convincing so badly? Rio: Get a grip Buster: Why are you so bad at everything? Buster: You didn't used to be Rio: And my lines are weak Rio: You know nothing about me Buster: Yeah they are Buster: Hence I don't wanna know you Rio: Thank God Rio: be awkward if it wasn't mutual Buster: And this convo is awkward enough so Rio: You started it Rio: and refuse to leave it Rio: being this bad at taking hints ends up in prison sentences, like Buster: You can leave Buster: There isn't a literal door that you need me to hold open or shut in your face Buster: Take the hints yourself Rio: This is my inbox Rio: so why should I Rio: literally fuck off Buster: 'Cause you want it so badly apparently Buster: Why haven't you blocked me years back? Rio: In case I need a kidney? Buster: You ain't having mine even if there's nobody else to ask Buster: So you can go ahead and do it now Rio: Why Rio: You're so crap at this Buster: You won't miss me when we can no longer chat then Rio: I'm not petty, I don't block Buster: You're a glutton for punishment Buster: I'll bear that in mind Rio: You wish you had any kind of effect on me Buster: I don't need to wish for that either Rio: Still do though Buster: You wish Rio: Obviously Buster: Yeah obviously Rio: What do you want Buster: From you or from tonight or from life in a more general sense, like? Buster: What do you mean? Rio: Oh my God Rio: are you a philosophical drunk now Buster: Get me a drink, we'll find out Rio: Are you going to get me one Buster: It's your house and I'm the guest Buster: Don't be rude Rio: For what Rio: I don't need to hear what you pass off as wisdom Buster: Fine, don't Rio: They're free, don't act offended Buster: I'm offended by the gesture, or lack of, not the prize tag Rio: Yeah well back at you then? Buster: Fuck it I need to find Nance anyway Buster: You've done me a favour with your lack of manners Rio: Awh, you gonna tell her you love her Buster: Why would I lie to her face? Buster: Not very nice Rio: You aren't Rio: but you are pissed Buster: Me and the majority of the people here Buster: Probably wanna start now if you wanna tell 'em all too Rio: Exactly Rio: can't you just feel the love Buster: Nah Rio: Are you surprised Buster: Ain't the word for it Rio: Shouldn't be Rio: reap what you sow Buster: Cheers Rio: What, you really thought I'd be nice to you Buster: I didn't think about you, babe Buster: Other than that you could potentially know where my sister is Rio: Yeah right Buster: Yeah right Rio: Leave her alone Buster: Shut up Buster: I do what I want Rio: She's had enough of you Rio: and you're at my house so have some manners Buster: She's more than capable of telling me that herself along with anything else Buster: It's nothing to do with you Rio: Well she doesn't need to because you already know Buster: Like I said, stay out of it Buster: You're not fighting her battles for her Rio: No, I won't Buster: Hilarious Buster: What do you reckon you're gonna do? Rio: What have you done? Rio: Fuck all Buster: Don't sit there and fucking preach to me Buster: I'm there every day Rio: I don't give a fuck about you, don't get it twisted Buster: I never said you did Buster: I said you don't know fuck all about what's going on with her Rio: She's told me Buster: She'll have told you what she wants you to know Buster: So like I said Rio: Yeah she really wants me to know all the nasty shit being said and done to her Rio: such a juicy story Buster: Whatever she's said, everything she ain't told you is worse Rio: And what are you doing about it Rio: go on Buster: Maybe I would if I had anything to prove to you Buster: But I don't Rio: Prove it to her 'cos she's said how you've taken their side Buster: I bet she has Rio: Fuck sake, Buster Buster: Don't start with me on this Rio: You were always at least a decent brother Buster: I said, don't Rio: Do something about it Buster: Don't tell me what to do Buster: You don't even know what you're asking for or what it means Rio: She's your sister Rio: end of Buster: Yeah, mine not yours Buster: It's our lives not yours Rio: Yeah and hers is miserable and you aren't trying to help her Buster: I'm fucking trying to get her to help herself Rio: Jesus Christ Rio: that's not how this works Buster: I'm not a girl, I can't get involved in that shit Buster: That's how it works Buster: I've already sorted loads of lads out Rio: Yeah, no shit you can't smack then and pretend that's a fix Rio: she could still know that you don't endorse their bullshit, which she don't Buster: Fuck you Buster: And fuck her if she's gonna be that stupid Rio: Its not about being stupid Rio: all you have to do is tell her Buster: It's about everyone wanting to see the worst in me, her especially Buster: End of Rio: I already said, are you surprised though Buster: About her being such a man hating lesbian stereotype? Sometimes Rio: That is not what I meant Buster: I know exactly what you mean Buster: And I already answered you, surprised ain't the word Rio: What is then Rio: Don't be mysterious Buster: I ain't, I'm being polite 'cause I know you don't care Rio: Pick your moments Buster: Yeah Rio: If its not what you want with her, then you should do something Rio: 'cos its what you want with the rest of us Buster: I can't do what she wants me to and it's unfair of her to expect it from me Rio: But how is it not unfair for you to expect her to be a different person suddenly Rio: its on the bullies, not her Buster: I don't expect her to be a different person Buster: Just own the person that she fucking is Rio: You don't get it Rio: That's alright for you 'cos you get clapped on the back and prizes for the person you are all the time Rio: the person she is is awkward and shy and non-confrontational and her turning 'round and acting like she's the shit with it would not make them think its any better than it is Rio: they're clearly shitty people, end of Buster: Well she can be really confrontational when it suits her Buster: And there's plenty she's capable of being recognised for that isn't who she wants to fuck Rio: It's not about her being gay Rio: girls are vicious Rio: its all the other ways she doesn't fit in with them Rio: in what world is she gonna turn around and be so bad ass that they're stunned into what, liking her? Rio: why would she want that? Buster: She ain't tried to fit in at all Buster: In what world is it my problem that she didn't get to stay in Cambs? Buster: She wants to villianize me all of a sudden but that ain't vicious Rio: Because your genius solution is she just needs to befriend the people who are vile to her Rio: literally why Buster: That ain't any solution, least of all mine Buster: Nance made up her mind she was gonna hate it there before she got here and so she does Buster: Yeah there are cunts in Chelsea, there's cunts everywhere Rio: You keep missing the entire fucking point, Jesus Rio: They made up their mind that they hate her, they make her life hell, end of Rio: however fucking marvelous you think she can make her life to spite them, that's remaining a fact and you aren't even acknowledging it Rio: she would rather live here than with her own family, let that sink in, that is the situation Rio: she isn't moping about leaving a place behind 3 years ago, my God Buster: You're welcome to her then Buster: See how she manages to fuck Dublin up for herself Rio: Like I said, leave her alone tonight Buster: Like I said, make me or mind your own business Rio: Fuck off Rio: You're no help to her Rio: and you're happy not to be, clearly, so do her that one favour Buster: I don't do people favours Buster: Not a charity Rio: Just a sad excuse for a brother Rio: understood Buster: You don't understand fuck all about me but keep telling yourself you do Rio: I don't care Rio: and neither do you so you don't get to dictate how we see you Rio: your lack of action speaks loud enough Buster: Good Buster: Saves me making a speech, like Rio: That we can agree on Rio: 🙌 Maybe there is a God after-all Buster: As long as we don't make a habit of it Buster: And you don't take his name in vain or whatever Rio: That's the one message you're taking away from the bible then Rio: bit of a weird one but okay Buster: I remember loads of that shit Buster: Obviously the lions were the best but Buster: There's some good fights Rio: Jesus was lucky they didn't put him in the coliseum really Rio: might've scared Mary and co away when he came back, all mangled, like Buster: She might've been into all the scars and everything Buster: You don't know Rio: Well she was obviously into feet so Rio: I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt, her tastes were well freakier than that cliche Buster: 'Course Rio: Have a good night then Rio: get some more blood of christ Buster: Shame his blood don't taste better, that way the two things you just said would be more likely to be mutually exclusive Rio: Your taste buds are as immature as you? Rio: figures Buster: That's the biggest load of bullshit you've written down all night Rio: It is not Rio: I drink red wine sometimes Buster: Me too just not the shit bottles your parents do Buster: They'd be better off letting your dad cook with it all Rio: Pah Buster: Either defend 'em or don't Buster: What the fuck is that noncommittal bullshit? Rio: I'm sorry but how have you convinced any of them that you're money Rio: that's what that sound was Rio: not dignifying that pitiful attempt with anything more Buster: You should be sorry Buster: Pathetic, like Rio: You said it Buster: You're judging my parents finances Buster: How undignified of you Rio: I'm judging you Buster: Yeah, trying to call me poor Buster: I've got what I've got, I don't need to convince anyone I belong anywhere Rio: And you can't buy class Rio: You're from trash Buster: I ain't trying to Buster: There's nothing wrong with my class or where I'm from Rio: Oh so you're claiming self-made Rio: that's your da Rio: you'll have to get your own act and you ain't found it, babe Buster: Like you said, I'll reap what I sow Buster: And I intend to sow plenty of epic shit Rio: Daddy's field Rio: Oh, McKenna Rio: I feel so bad for you Buster: My blood, sweat and tears, babe Buster: What do you reckon I'm doing at school all day, it's not just making the uniform look good Rio: How impressive Buster: It's necessary, if you wanna be impressed, you can have that Rio: I'm not Buster: Whatever you say Rio: You can leave the copy of your latest marks out of my birthday package, thanks Buster: You've just ensured I won't Buster: Enjoy the skim read Rio: 🙄 Buster: Been fun catching up, Cavante Buster: Let's leave it another few years next time though Rio: Take your own advice Buster: Easy when you're this boring Buster: Not gonna take yours Rio: Then why the hell are you still here? Buster: You don't want me to be Buster: And it's as simple to wind you up as it's ever been Rio: No, you're just even shittier Buster: That too Rio: What happened to you Buster: Like I said, Chelsea's full of cunts Rio: Yeah Buster: What happened to you? Rio: You said they're everywhere too, right? Buster: Yeah Rio: That's life, I guess Buster: How long did it take for Dublin to be as shit as anywhere else? Rio: I didn't ever think it would be any better Rio: beyond having family nearby Buster: Alright Rio: I didn't Rio: was never that stupid Buster: Calm down, I already said I believe you Rio: Alright Buster: You want a drink? Rio: Of course Buster: Of what? Rio: Not wine as you're such a snob about it Rio: I don't care, I've had all sorts today Buster: You had any brandy? Rio: I wasn't aiming to end my night with my head in the toilet, like Rio: so obviously not Buster: You do care then Rio: I didn't say no Rio: I said it wasn't in my plan Buster: I'll sort you out a decent drink Buster: Not that cunt, whoever you think I am Rio: I don't think anything Buster: Yeah you do Buster: You've made it well obvious Rio: That's about how you're behaving Buster: [brings her that decent drink as promised] Rio: [so awkward but having to maintain eye contact to be like cheers 'cos can't not] Buster: [walking away so casually like my job here is done] Rio: [🙄] Buster: [😏 I wish there was an even more smug dickhead version of this tbh] Rio: [Not too proud to drink it though but am gonna absolutely down it whatever it is] Buster: [he obvs has to as well but faster cos everything's competitive] Rio: [I hope you get the hiccups boy] Buster: [haha if only but he's too lucky for that kind of comeuppance to strike him down] Rio: IOU Buster: Easily fixed Buster: Off you go Rio: What do you want Buster: Don't spit in it and I'll take it Rio: 👍 Rio: have that for free Buster: Lucky me Rio: Don't push it Buster: What'll happen if I do? Rio: You're lucky, you won't find out Buster: Well now I'm obviously gutted Rio: [at him with some drink like drown your sorrows, boy] Buster: [knocks his glass against hers like oh thanks] Rio: [moving back like don't spill it on me, you messy bitch] Buster: [shakes his head and looks hot doing it probably] Rio: [shrugs like 'what?'] Buster: [gives her a look like you're the one still interacting with me] Rio: [walks off like you're weird] Buster: [watching her walk away and enjoying that view, once again where is everybody clocking this] Rio: [all partayingggg] Buster: [clearly] Rio: Why did you want to find Nancy? Buster: Last night I said some shit I shouldn't have Buster: But whatever she shouldn't of still been up Rio: They're in the music room Rio: if you still want to find her Buster: Forget it Rio: Go on Buster: Nah, we've had this argument already Rio: Yeah, last night, right Rio: so you should go Rio: you've got nothing else to do Buster: Don't tell me what to do Buster: She was the only person online then, she ain't now Rio: I'm not, it was your idea Buster: That you've spent most of tonight trying to talk me out of Rio: So you're gonna listen to me now Buster: Said like I've never given you exactly what you want Rio: Not that I remember Buster: Not that you're choosing to remember Rio: You feel up to reminiscing? Buster: According to you I've got fuck all else to do Rio: Except go talk to your sister Rio: which you're choosing to forget too, I guess Buster: I was doing line after line, I didn't know what it was gonna make me feel like Buster: It don't mean I'm gonna choose to dig a deeper hole now when I ain't Rio: What? Buster: It was my first time trying it so Rio: Did you like it Buster: I kept doing it, obviously didn't hate it, did I? Rio: Not that obvious, not necessarily Buster: Yeah well Rio: Where'd you even get it Buster: I was at a party I didn't have to get it Buster: It was just there Rio: yeah but who's party Rio: one of your friends Buster: Some girl from school Buster: I didn't ask Rio: Right Buster: Like I said, forget it Rio: Why, I'm not gonna tell on you Buster: 'Cause I didn't bring any with me so what does it matter Rio: Obviously Rio: you're not a complete moron Buster: Careful, you were almost talking sense Rio: If you reckon me giving you that you wouldn't try to take drugs through customs is a compliment, have it Buster: If I was taking it as a compliment I'd have told you that you were being complimentary Rio: If you were aiming for clarity, you would have made a statement in the affirmative of your apparent intellect, saying I'm ALMOST talking sense by implying you're not a COMPLETE moron, could as easily mean it'd be full sense to say you are in fact, a TOTAL moron Buster: You were almost talking sense 'cause you didn't admit that I'm not an idiot and felt the need to say that I still am Buster: There you go Rio: I said moron but I'll allow it Buster: I can read Buster: In case you've forgotten which twin you're talking to, like Rio: Hardly likely Buster: I know but a princess can dream, yeah? Rio: I'm sure they can Rio: but no need Buster: Whatever Rio: Exactly Rio: when I wanna talk to Nance, I will Rio: and should I ever feel the need to replicate a conversation with you, I'll go bash my head into the nearest brick wall Buster: So dramatic Rio: You really are Buster: You and me both, babe Rio: Careful, don't admit we're anything alike Buster: Why not? Buster: I ain't scared of making a favourable comparison, that's you Rio: Scared ain't the word Rio: and because last time we bothered to check-in, you think you're amazing and we're all beneath you Buster: You wish you were underneath me any time we've ever checked in Rio: I'm too sober to listen to your disturbing fantasies Buster: Stop chatting shit to me and get yourself more drinks then Buster: It shouldn't be that difficult Rio: Let's not conflate our mutual need for another drink with me wanting to hear what sick shit you're thinking about, McKenna Rio: Must you ruin everything, like Buster: 'Course I must Buster: That's the least you've heard about me Rio: You wish Nance would frame it like that Rio: You think infamy would suit, undoubtedly Buster: Never assumed or stated she was your only source of info anymore than I would her being reliable at it Rio: [Oh, before I forget, my idea was her lil boyfriend at this time is the neighbour boy 'cos realize that goal honey lol 'cos in my head its 6 boys and he's the oldest- (3 years older than her 'cos the vibe is when you're young that doesn't matter but he's like coming up 16 to her 13 now which makes you have to act so mature even when you ain't ready anyway)- like Rio and then some of the others are ones we've referenced Janis hanging with in the future when Grace was like you simply must not! and they could all be at this wedding anyway 'cos neighbour friends] Rio: Admit that you stalk much Buster: It's hardly considered stalking when you love yourself so much you post constantly, but alright, babe Rio: 🤔 hurr why didn't you block me years ago durr Rio: and if I'm after a drink, it ain't tea, so put the pot and kettle away Buster: Why would I block you? I'm having a lovely time Rio: Keep that to yourself Buster: Again why would I? Rio: Because I told you, I don't wanna hear what you think about me Buster: I'm not telling you Rio: You're implying it Rio: and being gross with it Buster: No I ain't Rio: Whatever Buster: If anything the implication is what you think about me and I could be much 'grosser' about it, like Rio: No Rio: I've told you what I think about you, one Rio: and you saying you're having a lovely time looking at my socials is an implication, one you can't pin on because I don't look at yours, I keep you on messenger apps only in case of emergencies re. kidneys and the like Buster: I'm only having a lovely time killing mine at this bullshit fam function conversing with you, anything else is you overthinking Rio: Get better at conversation because that's not what you said that in reference to Buster: 'Cause I knew it would get to you which it clearly has Rio: And why would you want to do that Buster: It's the most fun I can have until I'm allowed to leave Rio: How sad Rio: you said your sister isn't the only one online, why don't you make use of it Buster: I don't drunk dial, I'm not a fucking amateur Rio: Wow Rio: how many more lame excuses do you have Rio: seems neverending Buster: I already told you, I'm surrounded by cunts, I'm not gonna give 'em ammunition Buster: I'm not my sister Rio: I told you, I'm not confused Buster: Then don't act like it's an excuse Rio: Just leave me alone Rio: I'm not your stand-in entertainment just 'cos your friends aren't here Buster: What else are you? Rio: Fuck off Rio: I'm serious Buster: You've been very serious this entire time Rio: Today is shit enough without you Rio: I did not need this Buster: Likewise Rio: And? Rio: You're irrelevant Buster: And I don't feel sorry for you Buster: I'm talking to you 'cause I have fuck all to lose by doing it Rio: Enjoy talking to my inbox then Rio: I started over this, this is beyond Rio: I was only replying for your sister Buster: Stop crying about it Buster: Jesus Rio: 😥 Buster: [brings her a drink she did not ask for like drown your sorrows girl] Rio: [won't take it from him like put it down and go] Buster: [does but loling like okay] Rio: [closes her eyes and takes a deep breath] Buster: Why's it shit? Rio: you mean besides the cheap wine Buster: Yeah Rio: why ask Rio: you don't care or feel sorry Buster: Come on Rio: even if you did, you aren't ready for the rant Rio: get another full glass, like Buster: [Does] Buster: Tell me Rio: Its shit because it always has been and always is Rio: Last night, when mum and dad were doing whatever the fuck to get all this bullshit ready, Edie ran away. It started when they started planning this nonsense because even mum can have the same last name as us now and Edie really is the only one who won't but when one of the kids we asked if she wanted dad to adopt her she freaked the fuck out and I had to pull her away or she was gonna really hurt them but she's really fast and scrappy and I got covered in loads of scratches and bite marks Rio: and I didn't want to tell them because they were so busy so I had to look on my own Rio: luckily, she went to the pub to see granddad but then she was saying they should adopt her and she wouldn't come back for ages and Rio: then this morning she wouldn't put on anything nice, and then Janis always copies her and Edie encourages her 'cos she thinks its funny even though I was the one who had to make sure they were all ready because all the adults had fucked off to do more important shit and then Grace starts crying because she wants Janis to wear the same as her even though that was never happening and Diego and Gus are just so annoying about having to wear any clothes at all Rio: so by the time I'd given up on them all, I had no time to get ready and I already feel stupid because 13 is too old to be a pissing bridesmaid but no one cares about that, so I asked Harry to give me a ride on his moped to town but that didn't happen 'cos, well, reasons, so I'm just wearing something I already had Buster: [downs his drink and pulls her away into a quiet corner so that he can look at the damage Edie did because we all know he cares so much bye and is just looking at her like show me then cos needs to know that she's alright always before anything else can be said or done] Rio: [probably most of those scratchmarks are on her face so having to wear skin makeup which she wouldn't usually 'cos frecks and good skin so tah for that, just like have a closer look 'cos clearly not been that close today/forever, then I'll be nice and say the bites are coverable, on her stomach/back area but with what she's wearing can't really pull up or down so she's like it's fine but probably having a little drunk cry 'cos that frustrated and has opened the floodgates now] Buster: [thanks Edie for letting me do the softest face touches of all time and also brushing her tears away really carefully so the make up won't be totally ruined cos actually considerate af] Rio: [when that makes you cry harder but that's only partially your fault boy] Buster: [just hugging her and making me die cos he's so toll and she's so smol] Rio: [probably had such a growth spurt since, even though he's always been taller] Buster: [literally though she'd be shook] Rio: [just blurt out 'you're tall' you are drunk after-all Buster: [a little lol but actually genuine for once, pulling away enough so you can look at her and also genuinely being like 'it's a decent outfit'] Rio: [lols back 'cos obviously the least of her concerns but still 'thanks'] Buster: [just shrugging like it's so casual] Rio: [suddenly breaks the hug, looking around like !!!] Buster: [walking away cos can actually take hints] Rio: [but pulling on his arm like no and pulling him down so she can talk without shouting  'have you seen Edie?' obvs Mcvickers would also be keeping an eye on her too after her showing up but Rio lowkey been watching her all day but has slipped 'cos carried away in their arguing etc] Buster: [shaking his head since he likewise has been paying no attention to anyone else and why would he but has a little scout around now like let's go look for her without saying it cos can't care too much ever and be seen to but obvs does] Rio: [go from wherever you are and hopefully find McVickers and Edie and not Harry 'cos likewise being ignored rn] Buster: [Yeah she can be with them living her best life cos deserves it tbh] Buster: [ooh throwback one of mcvickers should say jokingly something about them being together cos never are] Rio: [just like NOT NOW GRANDPARENTS lmao] Buster: [walking away like fuck all y'all cos of course he is] Rio: [oh so moody, god bless you teens] Buster: [literally bumping into his sister on the way so he can be like fuck you as well and burn every bridge fully] Rio: [oh boy] Buster: [so angry and so sad always boy]

[alecjbi]

79 + hangster (for newest smut prompts)

my god okay i love this one. here's the shower scene we should have gotten (731 words, explicit)

drop a smut prompt in my inbox

Jake wasn't sure what led him to the locker rooms, but there was a pull in his chest telling him to go. Most of the other pilots were in the air with Maverick, leaving only Jake and Bradley on the ground. Bradley had excused himself half an hour ago and Jake was getting bored.

He had wandered the halls for awhile, bored listening to the radio and wanting to find Bradley. He felt like a lost puppy looking for its owner but Jake had to admit that he missed the bickering, hell, even the companionship that Bradley brought him. They weren't friends by any means-- maybe exes was a better word. There was once a time where the two of them shared the same space, where Jake had thought Bradley was the only one for him, but that had passed long ago.

Jake eventually found his way to the locker room, the feeling to go there stronger and stronger the more he wandered. He cracked open the door and heard the shower running, and, oddly, the soft sound of a moan. Jake padded quietly into the shower area, finding the stall that Bradley was in and, holding back a smile, ripped the curtain open.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Bradley yelped, grabbing the shower curtain to cover himself. The air was steamy from the hot water and Jake had to admit that he missed this view, missed Bradley's muscles and skin like he would miss his own arm. A part of him felt missing without Bradley, no matter how much he liked to pretend there wasn't.

"What, were you masturbating?" Jake teased, and Bradley flushed down to his chest. Jake laughed before taking in Bradley more and noticing the shadow cast on the shower curtain, undeniably an erection. It was Jake's turn to blush now. Bradley would still get him hot, he always would. It was just his body's reaction to the man.

"Shut up, you're the one who walked in on a man taking a shower," Bradley said.

Jake shrugged. "I was bored."

Bradley flattened his lips into a fine linen. "So was I."

Jake shifted his weight between his feet for a moment, unsure of what to say in the awkward silence. "Do you want help with that?" Jake asked eventually, unable to meet Bradley's gaze?"

"What?"

"I mean," Jake said, shrugging, "it doesn't have to mean anything. Don't want you to like, get blue balls or anything."

"You've pretty much killed the erection, Jake," Bradley said, a little bit of teasing creeping into his voice.

"Let me help," Jake said lowly, slipping off his shirt and his pants. Bradley just nodded, seemingly having a similar reaction to Jake getting naked. He let go of the shower curtain and let Jake step into his space. Jake met his eyes for a moment, a deep, chocolate brown, before sinking to his knees.

"Oh, fuck," Bradley said, slipping his hands into Jake's hair as if by instinct. Jake just smirked at him before leaning in and rubbing his hands down Bradley's thighs, sucking a mark onto Bradley's hipbone. He had lied, Bradley's dick was still hard, resting gently against Jake's cheek.

Jake slowly kissed down, burying his face in the hair around Bradley's cock before licking a stripe up the shaft. Bradley's fingers tightened in his hair and Jake let him lead him to suck down his cock, all the way to the hilt in one go. Bradley had always loved Jake's blowjobs and Jake wasn't kidding anyone-- he knew he was good at sucking dick. Bradley's opinion seemingly hadn't changed, the way he was moaning and forcing Jake's head forwards. Jake let him, taking Bradley's cock into his throat as deep as he would go. He would do it for as long as he wanted, just to have Bradley again.

"Fuck, Jake, I'm gonna come," Bradley said after Jake had started bobbing his head, swallowing Bradley down. Jake looked up and met Bradley's eyes, wide, pupils blown as he came, swallowing around him. Bradley's chest was heaving as he panted, trying to catch his breath even as Jake sucked him through the aftershocks. It got to be too much, eventually, and Bradley pushed Jake off of him with weary arms.

"Jesus Christ," Bradley gasped, leaning against the wall of the shower.

Jake just smiled up at him. "Me next?"

[finn-got-tall]

prompts // suggestions

send requests to my inbox, [x] no more than four prompts per suggestion, please!

Don’t be afraid to suggest your own prompt! it does not have to be from this list!!!!

i do most any ship. please include ship or parring when you ask.

ALSO if you want to include a plot pleasssee do.

lots of credit to this wonderful person for helping me and giving me ideas and prompts for this list.

“What the fuck, man? Get off of me!”

“I swear to god, I’ll rip your skin off if you touch him/her/them again.”

“Where do you think you’re going?” “Who are you, my mom?”

“Don’t walk away from this!” “From what?” “THIS”

“I never stood a chance, did I.” “You did. Once.”

“You’re one insult away from starting a war.”

“Want to see what kind of trouble we can get into?”

“Oh god, we’re gonna die aren’t we?”

“You think I’m cute when I’m angry? Well, bitch, I’m about to be motherfUCKING GORGEOUS!”

“Make me feel something. Anything.”

“No, listen to me.”

“I don’t know if I can keep going like this.”

“Do you ever stop talking?”

“Everyone has a breaking point.”

“I’m not a fucking brick. I have emotions.”

“Stay here, I’m gonna go get help.”

“Holy shit, that’s a lot of blood.”

“It happened again. It keeps happening again.”

“So what you bitter piece of fuck? I’m nasty, lewd, I swear every third fucking word, and I’m a better person than you. Oh, that burns doesn’t it? That a piece of shit like me is more moral and good and pure than you can ever be?”

“I’m giving you/him/her/them everything I have and It’s not enough. That’s fucking bullshit.”

“Your stretchmarks are fucking awesome. They look like lightning bolts on your ass.”

“Sorry.” “Stop apologizing so much.” “Sorry- fuck!”

“I’ve got you. You’re okay. It’s okay. I’ve got you.”

“Shut up!” “Make me!”

“It was over when you said goodbye.”

“Wanna make out?”

“God, I hate everything about this place.”

“Isn’t it so painfully obvious that I’m in love with you?”

“Words just aren’t working right now.”

“Don’t die.”

“No. I’m not letting you tattoo me.” “But you lost!" 

"Did you steal that?” “Maybe” “Jesus Christ”

“So wait, you did what to me?”

“Too bad you didn’t listen to me when I warned you”

“You don’t know me” “But I want to know you and you won’t let me!" 

"You should’ve loved me when you had the chance”

“Fucking read my lips, I don’t love you so stop talking to me.”

“You’re the whole package, except without THE package.”

“Maybe people would like you more if you didn’t fuck everything up”

“Stop wearing your heart on your sleeve, you look like a desperate slut.”

“I love you” - “Yes, I love me too.”

“You hate rumors, but you’re spreading them? That doesn’t make any sense to me.”

“Do you ever stop feeling sorry for yourself?”

“Okay, stop, you’re beautiful, telling yourself you aren’t is ugly.”

“why are you wearing a dress?” “Because fuck you that's why.”

“STOP SCREAMING!”

“Are you okay?” “Not really, but I'm fine.”

“All that blood looks good on you. It really brings out your eyes.”

“Literally everything about this is illegal.”

“I love when someone insults me. It gives me permission to be a dick.”

“Right now I don’t know if I should kiss you or push you off a bridge.” “Can I pick?”

“You’re a psychopath.” “I prefer creative.”

“I’d tell you to be yourself, but that almost got us killed last time.”

“Good morning, I see the assassins have failed.”

“On a scale of one to ten, how bad do you think it would be if-” “at least a twenty.”

“Tell me I’m going to die. Tell me the sun is going to explode. Tell me the world is ending and there’s nothing I can do about it. Because if I hear it’s going to be okay one more time I will scream.”

“You made your choice, I made mine. Just because you cant live with yours does not mean you should shame me for living with mine.”

“I heard that!” “You were supposed to!”

“Oh my God, you’d struggle to pour water out of a boot with the instructions on the heel.”

“Don’t you have to be a dick somewhere else?” “Not until four.”

“This isn’t a guilt trip; I just want to know if I’m a bother or not.”

“I’m not a thief, I’m just really good at acquiring things that aren’t mine.”

“I didn’t do it.” “Then why are you laughing?” “Because whoever did do it is a fucking genius.”

“I have a plan.” “Is it a good one?” “I have a plan.”

“I’m way too sober for this.”

“Why are your hands purple?” “That’s a very good question.”

“It’s okay, you don’t have to love me.”

“No one can see you cry in the rain.”

“You’re not scared?” “I’ve had worse nightmares about failing AP Chem.”

“You gotta stop doing that.” “What?” “Saying things that make me want to kiss you.”

“What’s our exit strategy?” “Our what?” “Oh God, we’re all gonna die.”

“Children shouldn’t play with guns.” “Who said I was playing?”

“I’ve come to kill you.” “Well, then we’ve got a problem. I didn’t come to die.”

“We can’t be together. Get over me.” “How can I get over someone who’s my whole world.”

“I had a really weird sex dream about you and I don’t know how to feel about it.”

“Do you think they’ll notice we left?”

“On a scale from 1-10, how hard do you want me to hit you?”

“You see the problem is, if I kissed you, I don’t know if I’d be able to stop.”

“I wish I was sorry, but I don’t regret any of it.”

“Hold up- just stop- just- what are you actually doing? It’s 2 AM.”

“Why don’t you care that everyone hates you?” “None of them hate me more than I do.”

“You/He/She/They took everything from me, and now I’ve got nothing to lose. So, yeah, I’d be fucking scared.”

“When was the last time you got a full night of sleep.”

“How did you talk me into this?”

“Trust me, I wish I could stop thinking.”

“I’d kick his ass, but I’d only have mine handed to me.”

“Fuck me gently with a chainsaw, do I look like Mother Teresa”

“Don’t touch me.”

“Are you wearing makeup?”

“You’re a freak.”

“What the hell is that?”

“I’m good, how are you?” “That’s probably the biggest lie I’ve ever heard.”

“What are you afraid of?” “Literally all of this!”

“Wait, why are you crying?”

“I’m gonna cut your dick off and show it to you.”

“I can’t sneak out! Have you met my parents/mother/father?”

“Why are we doing this at 3AM?”

“You frequently appear in my nightmares.”

“I never really understood you.”

“This has got to be the most bullshit thing I have ever done.”

[punkscowardschampions]

Janis & Grace

Janis: [Later AM after] Janis: so what's the scoop Janis: did it work Grace: OMG so you're talking to me now? Janis: what can I say Janis: giving you time and space to get busy 👌 Grace: EW Grace: giving it to yourself babes 👌 Grace: but now you've worn him out, yeah? Janis: Hush Janis: this is your debrief, what you wasting time talking 'bout me for Janis: usually LOVE to chat on yourself, like 😏 Grace: duh it's waaaaaaaaaaaay more interesting Grace: I know how my night went Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Janis: that good, yeah? Janis: he was actually unbearable Grace: that predictable Grace: boys always are Grace: I TOLD YOU! ugh Janis: well he obvs had his reasons for being there Janis: bet he was so butthurt Grace: honestly! he's sent me so many texts Grace: boy stop I'm taking the longest shower of my life & you aren't invited Janis: gross Janis: just her type Grace: OMG she's 😠😠😠 Grace: I can't even be annoyed at you for leaving & leaving me muted cos you two really went off 👏 Janis: Good Janis: she deserves it Janis: also glad it weren't a wasted evening 'cos not getting that time/braincells back, thanks ryan 😒 Grace: IKR Grace: living only for the content I can get out of him 🙄🙄 Janis: never off, you Grace: I don't have a cute white boy distracting me rn so sorry Janis: 💔💔 Janis: erm, tell mum and dad i'm going away for a bit will you Janis: cba Grace: LITERALLY Grace: it's tragic Grace: UM EXCUSE YOU WHAT? Grace: where are you going?? Janis: my heart bleeds for you, babe 😂 Janis: idk yet just away for a bit before dreaded School Grace: no it does not 🙄🙄 Grace: ugh that's so unfair Janis: this town is awash with 'em Janis: not all dick is attached to bigger dickheads, like Grace: OMG your boyfriend gave me that same speech Grace: 💕 Janis: Yeah Janis: rehearsed that, like 😑 Grace: 😂😂😂 Grace: are you literally going now?? Janis: oh yeah Janis: can you babysit Janis: meant to ask Grace: I repeat Grace: like now??! Or Janis: how many days we got left off? Grace: 2 if you're coming back when school starts Grace: but like why would you Janis: exactly Janis: so can ya then, only need to do it 'til they're back at School Grace: the sister too? Janis: she'll probably do her own thing, that's cool Janis: mainly the boy Grace: Phew! Grace: I can already tell she's not gonna like me Grace: 😱😱 Grace: but sure I said I would Janis: don't take it personal Janis: 👍 Janis: tell you when we're actually gone Grace: okay babes Grace: what's the deal with his dad tho Grace: I don't need that drama Janis: he's just a prick but he'll be at work Janis: I'll get Cass to agree to be back 'fore he is and you'll be sound Grace: sounds like just my type Grace: so that shouldn't be a problem Janis: 💀 Janis: I think not Grace: oh please I'm joking Grace: not THAT desperate Grace: 👌👌👌 Janis: oh good, can stop moaning 'bout it then 😏 Grace: you're so rude Grace: I haven't even said anything Janis: I'm joking Janis: although Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Grace: sure biitch Grace: Mia's been defeated you don't have to be nice to me anymore Grace: not that you were Janis: charming Janis: she's a 🐍 Janis: gotta cut her into at least 7 parts 'fore she's actually dead init Grace: duh Grace: but who has the time or the energy Janis: you 'til you find a white boy, apparently Grace: excuse you, you don't even believe I can count to 7 Grace: & I said CUTE there are white boys everywhere Grace: but that's like 🦄 Janis: know your standards aren't that high Grace: UM how dare you Janis: 😂 Janis: tell me I'm wrong Grace: I brought my ex to one party let me live Grace: & he brought me really so Grace: ugh Grace: 😱😱😱 Janis: what were you thinking Grace: I obvs wasn't Grace: he got me so drunk 🙄 Janis: he didn't just drop by of his own volition Janis: you were already pissed so Grace: CAN you NOT judge me thanks Grace: & don't even I was not Janis: yes you were Janis: don't lie Grace: OMG Grace: stop calling me a liar Grace: you always do Janis: well why bother Janis: you clearly were, I was talking to you Janis: it's more embarrassing acting like that was you sober Grace: why what did I do? Janis: at the party or in the conversation Janis: either way, don't matter now Grace: well it does if you're holding so much cringe against me or something Grace: what did I say before? obvs I was drunk at the party I said so Janis: nah, I ain't Janis: nothing you wouldn't say sober no doubt Grace: ugh fine Janis: why you wanna know so bad Janis: scroll if you wanna 💀 Grace: cos you're being a bitch to me over it Janis: 🙄 Janis: ain't I always Janis: what's new Grace: exactly Grace: so boring Grace: I'm sure there's something I've done more recently you can call me out over Janis: 💔 Janis: why would I do that Grace: you literally just said Grace: you always do Grace: what's new, babes Janis: nah Janis: I'd have to care, like you said, you're on mute Janis: you just like to feel #attacked Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Grace: not today tho Grace: not now you need something Janis: ain't me Janis: you owe, we're cashing in Janis: simple as Grace: I don't owe you anything & you still want me to tell mum & dad for you Janis: don't then Janis: I don't care Grace: obvs Janis: what's your point Grace: my point is & was I was being nice to you Grace: & you're rude Janis: No, you weren't Janis: and you never are Janis: so likewise Grace: who's feeling #attacked now, hun Grace: cos I literally was Janis: so nice Janis: wow Janis: miss congeniality Janis: been friends with them too long, you've got no idea how to be nice, or what that even is Grace: I've got no idea how to talk to you cos I'm always on mute Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Janis: doesn't stop you Janis: God loves a trier Grace: well excuse me Grace: I won't talk to you then fine Janis: okiedokie Janis: later Grace: just tell me when you're going Grace: or get your boyfriend to Janis: obviously Janis: I already said Grace: are you gonna tell mum & dad? Janis: no Janis: why would i Grace: cos they'll freak out if you just vanish duh Grace: send a text it's not like it's hard Janis: if you're concerned do it yourself Grace: OMG Grace: we literally have the chillest parents ever why do you want them to freak out Janis: if they're so chill then what's the issue Grace: you know what the issue is Grace: do you wanna be her now? Janis: 🙄 Janis: obvs Janis: never did fuck all to know where she was so it'll be fine Grace: that's not even close to being true Grace: they looked for her all the time Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Janis: what, like it was hard Janis: sure Grace: what like it's hard to just tell them you're going? Grace: just stop being such a bitch Janis: nah Janis: just chill out, if you wanna bum 'em so hard Grace: I'm trying to help you, bitch Grace: ugh Janis: sure Janis: i'm doing what i want so how'd you work that one out Grace: sorry your boyfriend is apparently so boring you need the drama Grace: OMG Janis: what drama Janis: they're so chill so cool wow Janis: so lucky Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Janis: get over it, grace, no one else gives a shit Grace: get over yourself first Grace: cos yeah they do Janis: wow parents of the year Janis: why don't you make them an award Grace: shut up Janis: when you're the only one that still cares and you still aren't the favourite Janis: sad times Grace: Rio's always gonna be the fave Grace: duh Janis: gotta make it seem intentional Grace: whatever Grace: I'm not bored enough ever to talk about our family dysfunction for this amount of time so Janis: piss off then? Janis: literally never trying to talk to any of you, least of all you Grace: you popped up in my inbox babes Grace: but nice try Janis: to cash a favour Janis: but good one Grace: you could have done that in 1 line Grace: why are you still here? Janis: omg please tell mummy and daddy Grace: please go away Janis: devastating Janis: so nice, you Janis: as nice as they are chill 🤞 Grace: you've told me repeatedly how nice I'm not Grace: so enjoy being right Janis: oh babes Janis: is sarcasm really lost on you Janis: genuinely didn't think you were that thick, awkward Grace: yeah sure tell me how stupid I am again Grace: we've reached that point in the convo Grace: fabulous Janis: Gotta try and make it stick Janis: working with with you're giving me here, very little Grace: why? you don't care & you never wanna talk to me so Janis: common good Janis: counts as community service Grace: sure Janis: are you so deluded you think I talk to you for some sense of fun Grace: I don't actually spend time trying to think about why you do anything anymore, babes Janis: 👌 Janis: dead convincing that Grace: too stupid to figure you out obvs Janis: awh Janis: too much of a cunt to care, more like it Grace: I care Grace: & according to you too much Grace: so like ?? Grace: try making sense Janis: try keeping up Janis: know the synapses are signed but come on Janis: singed* Grace: I just can't keep up with you, hun Grace: you're miles ahead duh Janis: does that make you feel good about yourself, yeah? Grace: oh please Grace: I never feel good about myself & we've covered that Janis: ugh shut up Janis: whine whine whine Janis: no wonder your ex would rather be looking at himself Grace: you wanna slag me off but I can't join in? Grace: typical Janis: we've all heard it a billion times Grace: same goes for everything you're saying rn so Grace: I've heard it more than a billion times from you Janis: and what? Janis: I don't care about your feelings, or how bored you pretend to be, is what you fail to grasp Grace: obvs Grace: tell me a few more times how much you don't care, yeah? Janis: I will Janis: there's literally nothing you can say, why are you still here Grace: Then stop talking to me OMG Janis: no Janis: make me Grace: I obvs can't Janis: yet I can ignore you, craziness Janis: that's what's so funny Grace: 👏 Grace: mhmm so funny that you don't care about anything but I care about you Grace: sure Janis: now you're getting it Grace: maybe I'm not entirely stupid Grace: phew Grace: what a relief like Janis: let's not get carried away Grace: 😂😂😂 Janis: cute though Grace: thanks so much Janis: do as you want anyway, tell 'em I've started on the meth if you reckon it'll kick 'em into action Grace: I'm not telling them anything Janis: good, we're on the same page for once Janis: hooray Grace: 👏 Janis: 🙌🎉 Grace: [is ignoring] Janis: [emojibombs her to blow her phone up] Grace: [somehow ignoring how annoying that is] Janis: can you tell your friend to get out my inbox Grace: no Janis: 🙄 Janis: save the backbone for her she's slagging you off Grace: I'm sure she is Janis: not Mia Janis: the other one Grace: like I said, I'm sure she is Janis: fuck's sake Janis: not much use alive are you Grace: not to you obvs Grace: mute her it's not difficult Janis: not to them if you aren't gonna play the game Janis: sort it out Grace: what do you think the game is? Grace: I annoyed Mia, as planned, of course they're all slagging me off Grace: duh Janis: yeah and you need to go grovel like you always do so you can be bffs forever Janis: this ain't my first rodeo either Grace: I don't need to do anything Grace: so if you'll excuse me Janis: I won't Janis: seriously, control your friends Grace: no thanks Janis: stop being such a useless cunt Grace: stop talking to me like that Grace: or ever preferably Grace: you agreed to help me, it's your problem if they're in your inbox too Janis: no, it ain't Janis: they're your problem Grace: no they're not Grace: they're muted on my phone rn Grace: I don't have a problem Janis: yeah singular is a bit pie in the sky Janis: for fuck sake, get it over with Grace: no thanks Janis: we get it, you're attention starved Janis: milk it all you want but keep it private, the rest of us don't need to see Mia throw you a bone Grace: 😂😂😂 Janis: how funny is it when that's exactly what you do though Janis: tears of a 🤡 Grace: 👌👌👌 Janis: this time'll be different, babes Janis: god bless Grace: makes no difference to you so get over it Janis: 😂 Janis: does though, as I've literally fucking stated so either sort your shit or just get it out of my fucking face, either way, I don't care Janis: I didn't sign up to deal with ou, I really didn't sign up to deal with them Grace: I'm not the one in your inbox, tell it to them if you're so affected Janis: listen, you fucking idiot Janis: they're not my business, I want nothing to do with them Grace: well me either rn so Janis: what part of, I don't fucking care about you do you not understand Janis: they're your friends, it's your mess, grow the fuck up and deal with it Grace: I'm just telling you why I'm not sorting them out for you Grace: but keep begging me to like Grace: like its so hard to handle for yourself Janis: You are Janis: end of story Grace: I'm really not Grace: I'm in this mess which you think is mine cos I was defending you Grace: why would I get into more drama with them to tell them to leave you alone? Grace: You've already told me I shouldn't have bothered in the first place Janis: I don't care about you, oh my God Janis: I don't care if you're exiled, it's your mess Janis: own it Grace: well I don't care if they're in your inbox so Janis: I don't care about your feelings or opinions Janis: this is all irrelevant Grace: then stop asking me to do you a favour Grace: shut them up yourself or don't Janis: it isn't a favour Janis: it's responsibility Grace: they aren't my responsibility Grace: so its not Janis: yes they are Janis: no one elese likes them Janis: you brought them here Grace: they aren't Grace: they're their own bitches making their own messes Janis: wow put it on a t-shirt Janis: in this case, they are Grace: no Grace: even if they were my friends I can't tell them what to do, they only listen to Mia Grace: & I'm not going to try cos they aren't Janis: 🎻 Grace: play it for yourself & your blown up inbox babes Janis: sort it out Grace: no Janis: you useless fucking bitch Grace: it didn't work the last time you said that Grace: but go off Janis: drop dead Grace: you wish Janis: you wish Janis: you pathetic wreck Grace: 😭😭😭 Janis: exactly Janis: invite your ex over again to make you feel loved Janis: then pretend you don't remember how he got there Grace: nice idea but no thanks he really didn't Janis: no shit Janis: not stopped you before Janis: like the Mia shit, you always revert to type, needy little cunt Grace: you're literally asking me to go back to her so you can have a clean inbox babes Grace: & I've said no Grace: deal with it Janis: yeah? Janis: because I don't care about you Janis: what? I want you to have nice friends 😂 Janis: I didn't help you for you, obviously, you know that Janis: at least Mia knows what the fuck she is Grace: go ask her to call them off then Grace: I'm sure she'd love to Grace: when she's done telling everyone she made you cry at the party obvs Janis: 💔 Janis: so tragic Janis: 'til 🤡 walked in right on cue Janis: no one's talking about me, not even Mia Janis: don't you just love that for you? Grace: you'd love that but she is Grace: they all are Janis: no, you've got them muted and I'm essentially in the group chat Janis: trust, all about you, graciekins Grace: you wish Grace: I've unmuted plenty of times Grace: over plenty of days Janis: wow ok harriet the spy Janis: get you Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Grace: just tell your boyfriend I need his address when you sort out what the hell you're doing Grace: that way I can go back to ignoring you Janis: [address] Janis: there Grace: 👋 Janis: hope you die in a car crash! 👍 Grace: dream about it Grace: 💕 Janis: you wish anyone did Grace: I really don't Janis: convincing, again Grace: I'm not going to sit here & convince you that I don't actually want people to wish me dead Grace: sorry about it Janis: yeah 'cos that's what was meant Grace: yeah cos I care what you meant Janis: it's not about caring it's just basic comprehension, really Janis: but go off with that victim narrative you fit everything into Grace: but I'm so stupid tho babes, so sorry Grace: can't comprehend you & your mysterious ways Janis: nothing mysterious about it Janis: you wish though Janis: maybe all this means I really care, wouldn't that be lovely, n'awh Grace: but I love it so much how often you tell me you don't Grace: so no Janis: ew Janis: keep your dreams to yourself Grace: you first Grace: or you know, just keep telling everyone how much you'd love it if I died Grace: put it in the group chat for the girls 💕 Janis: ugh this conversation would be so much easier if you could read Janis: you're the only one that likes to be told still Janis: but that's just your wankbank material so, we get it Janis: times are tough for you rn Grace: but you don't care about my thoughts & feelings Grace: so its so considerate for you to do it anyway Grace: best sister award Janis: You're so lucky to have me Janis: get out the lollipop sticks, you're making more work for yourself Grace: mhhhhmmm Grace: I'll get the kid brother to do it, it's fine Janis: try not to scare him with all your problems Grace: thanks for the pro tip babes Grace: working on his big brother is it? Janis: you wish you knew Janis: sad times Grace: I do know, I had a front row seat for how 😍 he is Janis: you wish you knew how to do it, obviously Grace: yeah Grace: but I don't & you're not gonna tell me so Grace: I'll have to get over it Janis: such a drag when you're so #damaged and it ain't getting you all that enabling dick Janis: shame she ain't about to ask, such a pro Grace: IKR Janis: not that she ever talked to you so bit de ja vu init babes Grace: obvs Janis: 💔 truly Grace: tragic Janis: least you only have to pretend to be messed up over it now Grace: what a relief Janis: mhhhhmmm Janis: must've sucked to have actually given a shit about her Grace: did it? Grace: you're one of the only few of us who bothered Janis: nah Grace: glad you're not 💔💔💔 Janis: obviously Janis: you care SO much Janis: the nicest person to ever exist Grace: not about her tho Janis: like you said, no one did Grace: I said you did Grace: you're saying no one Janis: typical you to presume you know me Janis: unsurprised Grace: typical you pretend like I wasn't there Grace: unsurprised Janis: as if that was an option Janis: chatting shit Grace: you're so good at it now tho Grace: well done Grace: a real glow up Janis: you know Janis: still as annoying but less and less relevant the more you scream and cry Janis: lost any real power 'fore we were out of nappies but go of Janis: regression is very in now anyway, can't all be me Grace: sure Janis: 💔💔💔 Grace: are you done, my ex is here Grace: need to revert to type like now Janis: hope you polished the mirror like a good girl then Grace: not that one Grace: but thanks Grace: so many to choose from obvs Janis: they're all the same Janis: especially with how little of a shit they give about you Janis: cute, we should get jackets Grace: duh Janis: awh tell lewis jack aaron etc i said hi Grace: I would but none of them are talkers Grace: kinda the point Janis: thick gotta pick thick Janis: not exactly a stunning conversationalist, which is depressing, the amount you chat Grace: obvs Janis: well have a lovely time Grace: thanks Grace: 👋 Janis: ✌ Grace: 💋 Janis: it's obvious enough you're fucking me without that Grace: EW Grace: be weirder Janis: really out here playing dumb Janis: not much of a talker, hates you, loves themselves Janis: i know you bum ma and da but really, couldn't settle for daddy issues could you Grace: I AM dumb, babes Grace: & all of that you've said Grace: like I said, keep your dreams to yourself first please Janis: all of it's true Janis: gonna 💔 if you start pretending they love you, christ Grace: I'm not Grace: but love the warning Grace: so cute Janis: serious, you should come with a warning Janis: ready to ring up the samaritans on your behalf every time you pop up Grace: I do, it's that I'm related to you Grace: but I work around it Grace: don't waste their time when you don't care SO MUCH babes, it's really rude Janis: that's adorable Janis: if only people disliked you 'cos of me, oh bless Janis: they give less of a shit, trust Grace: It's a warning for boys, isn't it? Grace: plenty of them think I'm like you, trust Janis: 😱 Janis: omg, boys don't like me Janis: better go commit Janis: you're the one surrounded by girls, my love Grace: but you're so wifed Grace: so you'll have to go on living or what would that poor barista boy do? Janis: again, you wish Grace: I really don't but you are Grace: he's gonna be so sad when you stop caring about him Janis: yeah, too nice for you Janis: real bummer being so in love with me, you poor thing Grace: it is for him, yeah Janis: you've puked in front of him once and now you're besties Janis: this is how we ended up here, raise the bar Grace: I wish we were cos of how much you'd hate it but sadly no Janis: 💔 Janis: as I said, you wish Janis: revelation, Gracie wants what's mine Grace: 😂😂😂 Grace: like you said, he's too nice for me, hun Janis: doesn't stop you thinking you deserve better Janis: so hard done by Grace: oh please Janis: my sentiments exactly Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Grace: have fun wherever you're going Janis: obviously Grace: bye Janis: yeah yeah Grace: so I can't even say bye now? Grace: fine Janis: say what you like Janis: likewise Grace: whatever Janis: fine Janis: 😂 Grace: [is ignoring again cos really stop Grace you aren't gonna get anywhere] Janis: [later] Janis: k we're leaving Janis: can you come now for a few hours Janis: he's back at 6:30 so Cass said she'll be back 6:15 latest Grace: sure Janis: tah Janis: gotta get [bus number] that's quickest Grace: do I have to feed her or something? what kind of tween is she? Grace: some of them can do everything & some nothing Janis: she ain't Mia, she eats Janis: she was gonna get maccies so don't worry 'bout her Grace: 👌 Janis: wait 'round 'til you're here, give you key and all that shit Janis: try not to see his dad, yeah, he dunno so Grace: I'll get the boy to drop me so I won't be long Grace: like 10 Janis: gross Janis: but cool Grace: what about the dog? Grace: you didn't mention it Janis: we're taking it Grace: thank god Janis: yeah you aren't good with dogs so no Grace: literally Janis: yet you begged for one 'til like last year Grace: did you need to have a dig at me? Grace: so rude Janis: just saying, a pugs life is hard enough without you wanting to shove it in a bag Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Grace: I don't even want a pug it's cruel Janis: now maybe Janis: 13 year old you couldn't be told shit Grace: ever maybe excuse you very much Grace: god, leave me alone Janis: whatever Grace: what time does he go to work in the AM? Janis: 6 Janis: they'll be asleep 'til later though, come 'round like 9 and then Cass can go do what she wants for the day Grace: k Janis: you're not all fucking Janis: messy are you Janis: don't scare him Grace: you're such a bitch Grace: I wouldn't do that Grace: he's a kid Janis: well if he's still there you've only just finished christ Janis: don't rip my head off, you're the one doing all this shite Grace: I said I'd do this first Grace: so fuck you Janis: whatever Janis: if you're gonna be a fucking trainwreck I ain't gonna let you Grace: if I was a trainwreck I wouldn't be coming Janis: we'll see, won't we Grace: whatever Janis: not whatever, it's serious Janis: he's 6, he can't just be left with anyone Grace: I told you, I'm fine Grace: if you don't want me to show up I won't Janis: not like I have a choice Janis: don't fuck it up Grace: don't talk to me like that Janis: if you're gonna have an attitude, don't come Grace: k I won't Grace: makes no difference to me Janis: exactly Janis: don't Grace: 👌👌👌 Janis: I I was you Janis: I would not be there when I get back Grace: wasn't planning on it now my night's opened up babes Janis: I mean it Janis: you've had a fair warning so stay the fuck outta my eyeline and earshot Grace: so do I Grace: better things to do now I'm not waiting on you to tell me to come over thanks Janis: what, like letting another ex degrade you or texting back your friends who hate you? Janis: you're a fucking joke that was never funny and now Grace: none of your business Grace: literally ever Grace: but actually I only kept him around this long so he could drive me cos I knew you'd tell me to come with one foot out the door Grace: so glad I bothered Janis: sure, blame me for riding your ex when you could've got the bus like any normal person, princess Janis: what the hell is wrong with you? Grace: I'm telling you why he was still here cos you're apparently convinced I'd turn up in idk what kind of state Grace: like I'm her now, okay Janis: This was a stupid idea Janis: he doesn't know you, what you're like Grace: it was your idea, I just agreed to it Janis: no, it was his Janis: but I shouldve said no from the off, you can't be trusted Grace: but I can, babes Grace: you just don't like the idea of that Janis: like fuck can you Janis: you're a mess Grace: you wish Grace: I could do this, you just don't want me to Janis: why would I? Grace: cos if you did you could go Grace: & I know you want that Janis: well I want you around less Grace: fine Grace: I'm not Janis: Good Grace: tell your boyfriend we can work something else out since I still owe him Janis: fuck off Janis: this is what I don't want Janis: go away, no one owes anyone anything Grace: not true Grace: but whatever Janis: true, do one Janis: get it out of your fucking head Grace: like I said, whatever Janis: tell me when you've gone Grace: I am gone obvs Grace: I'm in a car Janis: Good Janis: I can leave Grace: sure can Janis: I'm not forgiving you for this Grace: you hate me anyway what do I care? Grace: you're gonna be more of a bitch Grace: wow Janis: do you not understand what you've actually done Janis: I can't be around your or I'm scared I'm going to genuinely hurt you Janis: cut the bullshit for one second 'cos this is real Grace: then don't be around me Grace: it's your own fault that I'm not doing this Grace: you could be on your way to wherever Janis: Yeah, 'cos going is really an option now Janis: you're not that stupid Grace: I'll come over now if you stop being such a bitch about it Grace: but you literally never can Grace: you'd rather act like it's my fault cos I hung out with a boy who I've fucked a few times for a few hours Grace: nothing even really happened Janis: I'm not interested Janis: it's too late now it's ruined Grace: you want it to be too late Grace: it's literally not Grace: I'm saying Janis: well funnily enough this isn't about you Janis: he's not gonna wanna go Grace: did he say that? Janis: I don't know Janis: you think I can listen Grace: Janis, get a fucking grip Grace: he loves you he obvs wants to go Janis: well I just told him we couldn't Grace: so un-tell him Grace: OMG Janis: oh yeah, that's not insane Grace: you're insane if you don't go, bitch Grace: what did you say for why you couldn't go? Janis: idk, just that we couldn't, end of Grace: so tell him I got held up but I'm omw Grace: he can be mad at me what do I care Grace: he looks cute like that Janis: piss off Janis: fine Grace: you're not gonna like hit me when I get there, are you? Janis: no Janis: get a head start if you're that concerned Grace: I'm just asking Janis: just Janis: thanks Janis: alright Grace: ew stop Janis: don't start Grace: don't thank me Grace: I'm not doing it for you Janis: whatever Grace: I told mum & dad Grace: so you might wanna put dad on mute Grace: just saying Janis: knew you would Janis: fair enough Janis: noted Grace: that's not for you either so don't like thank me again Grace: so weird Janis: I know on that one Grace: sure Grace: do I get a where now or are you just going? Janis: you gonna tell them that too Grace: ew Grace: no Grace: you know mum would drive there or something cringe Grace: I'd die of second hand embarrassment Janis: Good luck to her Janis: just gonna see how far we can get Grace: really? Grace: or is that what you're telling me cos you think I'm gonna tell everyone Janis: yeah and I wanna seem dead cool Janis: of course really Grace: everyone in this family would 👏 that Grace: so free spirited of you babes Janis: 🙄 Janis: don't give a shit Janis: hopefully we get murdered so I don't have to hear the 👏 Grace: I'm not telling them so you won't have to Grace: so don't get murdered Grace: okay? Janis: not sure it's a negotiation sitch Janis: do my best Grace: yeah Grace: I'm like 10 away again so Janis: alright Janis: we're out front 🚬 so I'll see you Grace: ew Grace: of course you are Janis: what do you mean of course I've never smoked Grace: bitch please Grace: I'm stupid, not oblivious Janis: well recently but I ain't a smoker Grace: didn't ask Grace: if you wanna not be as good of a runner that's not my buisiness Janis: 🙄 Janis: bitch please Grace: 🙄 Grace: ugh why do boys HAVE TO talk so much Grace: just drive Janis: 😂 Janis: if that wasn't typed I wouldn't believe I'd just heard that right Janis: probably 'cos you don't wanna talk to him? Grace: I don't wanna hear how AMAZING it'd be if I gave him a blowjob rn Grace: boy no I don't want to die Janis: you better get off the phone to me if you're doing that Grace: that's what I'm saying tho Grace: not happening Grace: me in a car crash is your dream, babes Grace: also I'm so close to barista boy's house, is that a compliment or can he only last a minute? 🤔 Janis: idk who it even is so I can't tell you Janis: you should know surely Grace: I just remembered the answer Grace: & why he's an ex Janis: grim 😏 Grace: lowkey need out of this car before he gets more highkey Grace: ugh Janis: you really shoulda got the bus Grace: bus drivers creep me out Grace: they're always staring at me like I'm walking around with my boobs out Grace: ew Grace: at least I know this perv Janis: at least there's witnesses on the bus Janis: and a company to complain to if you're feeling it Grace: OMG don't Grace: I'm having the worse day if this is my last one Janis: it be like that Janis: not often having a banging one Janis: 'less you plan to OD or have a heartattack fucking a stripper or something Grace: I know you'd LOVE for me to be murdered but can you not please Janis: well quick gimme his name and license Grace: UM no Grace: let's keep it at you not knowing who he is, thanks Janis: you would rather be murdered Janis: also I'll see when he drops you off 'less you're gonna make him park a road over like an embarrassing mum Grace: tbh Grace: & yeah I so am Janis: you're a nutter Janis: idgaf Grace: exactly Grace: so you're just gonna be a bitch Grace: & I can't even rn so Janis: so Janis: you don't lurve him, clearly Grace: that makes it worse Grace: duh Janis: you'd rather I slag off the love of your life Janis: I mean, do, on the reg Grace: I could defend that Grace: not spending a whole afternoon with this boy just cos I don't wanna be alone Grace: there's nothing I can say about that Janis: meh same Janis: least you ain't going away for a minibreak Grace: the fact you can say that like its a bad thing is why I don't ever wanna know you Janis: 🙄 you're so dramatic Janis: we're bonding, bitch Grace: oh excuse me, you get to miss school with a cute boy & it's such a drag Grace: & he loves you can't forget that Janis: he does not Janis: behave Grace: he so does Grace: the most dramatic 😍😍😍 I've ever seen Janis: probably just wants road head init Grace: 😂 Grace: thanks for not shagging him in the middle of the restaurant tho, really appreciate that, babes Janis: ryan was putting me right off Janis: didn't do it/not do it for you, obvs Grace: you were doing the opposite of putting him off so obvs Grace: idk how many times he asked me to sit on his lap Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Janis: 🤢 Janis: woulda had to drag you off on principle Grace: I should've to crush him Grace: v tempting Grace: but killing him was not the mission sadly Janis: really gotta call it a day 'fore she gets you in on a murder pact Janis: fuck telling ma and da, tell someone who'll actually do something about it, like Grace: oh so you want him to live a long & productive life, okay Janis: not about him Janis: you would not do well in prison Grace: you should be encouraging me to go then Grace: duh Janis: nah Janis: imagine the letters you'd write Janis: no hair straighteners, no make up Grace: at least I wouldn't have to stress about my prison wife being prettier than me Grace: so might be 😍😍😍 Janis: you've got plenty experience being someone's bitch, true Janis: if you wanna come out, just do it, btw Grace: I told you, I can't Grace: would love to Janis: 😂 Janis: every girl you know is a massive bitch, I don't see how it'd be any better Grace: I wouldn't date any of them ew Grace: I don't even like them Grace: as friends Janis: you're so weird Grace: you're so rude Grace: I'm not weird Janis: you don't like your friends, how is that normal Grace: It's normal of everyone I know Grace: none of us like each other Janis: Mental Grace: 🤷 Janis: have you considered Janis: not Grace: babes, do you wanna be more specific? Janis: not being friends with people you hate Grace: obvs Janis: annnnd Grace: and what? Grace: you know what the answers are Janis: why though Grace: like I said, you know so Janis: I don't know why you would Janis: well Janis: maybe Grace: you so do Grace: & we don't need to go into it when I'm stuck in a car with this boy, do we? Janis: whatever Janis: i'm easy Grace: I know Grace: but if you don't want me to show up a mess don't upset me Grace: 🤷 Janis: bit rude Janis: you just called me a slag Grace: you wish Janis: yeah lifelong ambition that Janis: dead wanna follow in ma's footsteps Grace: yeah obvs Grace: really get that vibe from you Janis: you get what I give ya, babe Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Janis: you know it's true Grace: I didn't say it wasn't Janis: hmm Janis: d'ya reckon if I 'turn Mia, Drew would fuck her to death? 🤔 Grace: not something I wanna think about thanks Grace: ew Janis: you were all about the murder plots five seconds ago Grace: but he's so old & she's so bad in bed Grace: I can't Janis: 1. he isn't really is he, he's not even 40 yet Janis: 2. know you're hating but going that hard sounds like you have firsthand so Grace: 👌👌👌 fine he's sooo gross whatever Grace: & you think I do anyway & I'm talking to you rn so Janis: meh probably would Janis: just an FYI so you don't get a callout post on your callout post Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Grace: can you not I'm trying to direct an idiot who has already gone the wrong way twice Janis: that's how he passed Janis: #roadhead Grace: mhmm Grace: I'm getting out this is stupid Grace: ugh Janis: that was funny, coulda laughed, bitch Grace: you don't know I didn't LOL Grace: & I'll never tell you bitch Janis: woulda heard you from here Grace: it wasn't that funny babe Grace: I'm not gonna go that hard Janis: inside voice who? Janis: your fault diego is deaf, btw Grace: RUDE! Janis: 😂 Grace: it's so freezing Grace: how are you just outside casually Janis: 🙄 Janis: just tough like that, obvs Grace: sure Janis: 'scuse you bitch Grace: excuse me why Janis: don't deny it Grace: literally did not Janis: you've got such an attitude problem you know Janis: I blame the parents Grace: just blame me Grace: it's how this goes, hun Janis: your hard on for them is unbearable Grace: I'll add it to the things Janis hates about me list Grace: thanks so much Janis: seriously Janis: it's not natural Grace: I'm not normal or natural now, okay Janis: okay zooey Janis: calm down Grace: no Janis: ick Grace: 🤷 Janis: you're real gross, graciekins Grace: keep repeating yourself babes Grace: nobody's over it or anything Janis: know you hate yourself but refering to yourself as nobody is a bit touched Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Janis: you here yet ugh Grace: I'm walking get over it Grace: if you can't see me I'm obvs not Janis: hurry up good god Janis: places to be Janis: lorry drivers to suck off Grace: shut up & I could Janis: could you Grace: OMG Grace: leave me alone Janis: 😂 Janis: ⏲ Grace: do you want me to turn around & go home? Janis: you don't get to hold it over me, your idea Janis: chipchop Grace: I can do whatever I want Janis: ooh Janis: go on then Grace: fine Grace: bye Janis: 👋 Grace: 👋 Janis: DID YOU THINK THAT'D WORK Janis: genuine question Grace: I don't know or care what you're talking about Grace: I'm just genuinely going home so Janis: bless your heart Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Janis: you better not be Janis: he's all worked up ow and YOU said you wouldn't do that to a kid Grace: fight me later, babes Grace: I'm tired Janis: fuck off, Grace Grace: literally am Janis: get in here now Janis: this isn't a game Grace: stop treating me like a pawn then, bitch Janis: hurry up Janis: stop timewasting Grace: stop talking to me like that Janis: whatever Grace: not even Janis: fuck sake cry about it later Janis: you owe Jimmy, not me Grace: feel free to tell him I still do cos you can't stop being a bitch for 2 seconds Janis: shup up Janis: you're so pissy Grace: exactly Grace: I'm in no mood for you being so rude to me for literally no reason rn Janis: I'm not gonna lick you out for doing something you have promised to do Janis: get over it and we'll be done here Grace: you get over it Grace: cos I'm over you treating me like this all the time Janis: uhuh Grace: so I'm not coming & you can deal with that Janis: 👍 Grace: 👌 Janis: well tah for nothing, you massive cunt Janis: and I've changed my mind, I am going to hit you if I see you Janis: ✌ Grace: you're so welcome Grace: & I'm unsurprised Janis: Don't come anywhere near me I swear to God Grace: why would I? Grace: I turned around once for you already & now I have to find someone else to pick me up Janis: good thing you've disappointed half the lads in school then isn't it Janis: plenty of potential pity rides Grace: yeah Janis: disgusting Grace: 🙄🙄🙄 Janis: you reckon you hate yourself but you don't enough Janis: actually vile Grace: noted Janis: seriously fuck you Janis: I can't have one thing Grace: & I can't have 5 seconds without you slagging me off Grace: so Janis: boo fucking hoo Janis: it isn't even comparable you selfish bitch Grace: so devastated for you that you can't leave Janis: it isn't just that are you so fucking Janis: forget it Janis: actually give up on you but I mean it Grace: fine by me Grace: you're horrible to me anyway Janis: at least I fucking notice you cunt Janis: who else does, no one Grace: yeah cos that's the attention I want Grace: thanks Janis: well poor fucking you with all your fake friends and boyfriends Janis: you can go back to feeling better about it when I have no one again, status quo Grace: I'll happily take all of that over a second of you being real about how you hope I die or whatever Janis: no shit Janis: I know Grace: obvs Grace: you know everything, yeah Janis: shut the fuck up Janis: this isn't about you Janis: you don't get to ruin the one thing I have and have a pity party like I should care Grace: no, it's about you freaking out that your boyfriend's gonna leave you Janis: fuck you, seriously Grace: I hope he does if this is how horrible you're gonna be Janis: well you can't have everything Janis: sorry, princess Grace: I don't have anything duh Grace: you've said it enough times Janis: bullshit Janis: I've told you, I'm not feeling sorry for you Grace: literally wasn't asking Grace: but it makes no sense to tell me I can't have everything & also tell me I have nothing Grace: so like Grace: figure out your insults Janis: you always are because you're pathetic Janis: I ain't got time Janis: some of us still have places to be Grace: sure babes Grace: me too Janis: difference between me and you is, I actually do it, Grace Janis: can tell the 'rents the danger factor is amped up if you still reckon you care Grace: I was actually trying to help you & I'm so glad I bothered so guess what no Janis: 💔 Grace: obvs Grace: save it for the former barista Janis: you really are that stupid Janis: you think I'm still there or Janis: you get to ruin my life and not even understand what the fuck you've done, yeah, why not Grace: I don't care where you are, you still love him anyway Janis: shut the fuck up Grace: why should I? you won't ever Janis: because you don't get to take it away and fucking talk on it like you have any idea Grace: I can do whatever I like Grace: you're that stupid if you think he's not gonna come after you Grace: wherever you've gone Janis: No, he won't Janis: but you wouldn't know that or why 'cos you don't know a thing about it Grace: Unless you've killed him, yeah he will Janis: really 'cos it's me that's had this conversation with him, not you Janis: thanks, truly Grace: oh so you think he's that stupid too Grace: you really know how to treat people, babes Janis: no because he's got his own fucking issues, Grace and you've forced my hand so yeah, now I've had to do something really fucked Grace: I haven't forced you into anything Grace: you did it Janis: bullshit Janis: I wanted to go with him and because of you I'm going alone, you can't deny it 'cos if you'd just fucking did what you said you would then he'd be here too Grace: Take responsibility for yourself, Janis Grace: You're going alone cos you treat people like shit and expect them to just take it Grace: I didn't make you leave him there Grace: you could've stayed with him easily, what he wants is to be with you Janis: you aren't people Grace: what's he though? you love him & you did that Janis: fuck you and fucking easily as if you've ever had a real relationship with anyone, and I don't just mean lads Janis: how dare you lecture me Grace: yeah sure make it about me cos you can't handle what you just did Grace: you could've just stopped being a bitch to me & it would have fixed this Grace: you could've stayed with him like you want instead of running away Janis: well no I couldn't or I would have Grace: then don't blame me Janis: it's your fault Janis: I can't make it any clearer Grace: it's your own fault Janis: no, it's yours Janis: you get treated like shit because that's how you treat me and expect a fucking groveling thanks Grace: I don't even Grace: & I didn't expect any thanks just not for you to make me feel like shit for a second Janis: you always feel like shit Janis: and you want it to be my fault but it ain't Grace: yeah so that makes it okay for you to add to it Grace: sure Grace: the things you say & do are your fault, babe Grace: even when you want them to be mine Janis: you're incapable of doing anything and not making it about yourself Grace: well I'm sorry Grace: all I've got is myself & I can't do this with you anymore Janis: no you're not Grace: yeah I am Janis: well save it Janis: one thing Janis: and it wasn't even me asking Grace: it was still you that ruined it Grace: for yourself Janis: if you like Grace: I don't Grace: but it's what's happened Janis: know negging is super effective on you but I'm not buying it Grace: I don't care Janis: I know Janis: so stop pretending you do Grace: I'm not pretending, I told you I can't do this with you anymore Grace: I'm not Grace: stay away, come back, I don't care Janis: lovely Grace: just actually leave me alone Janis: like I've said, this isn't about you Grace: & like I've said, I do not care Janis: sure Grace: I'm muting you now Janis: I sincerely don't care Janis: you are the last thing on my mind Grace: so glad Grace: 👋 Janis: if you were, you wouldn't feel the need to say it Janis: so go and stay gone because I have no energy for you now Grace: [is ignoring cos nothing more I can even say at this point]

[punkscowardschampions]

Buster & Rio

Buster: Talk to me Buster: Please Rio: I'm busy Buster: Alright. I'm not gonna be all in your face then Buster: But I'm sorry Buster: That's all I wanted to say Rio: Okay Rio: Thanks Rio: How is she then? Buster: You were right Buster: Can we talk later when you're not busy? Rio: Well, the 'I told you so' don't feel that good Rio: if it's any consolation Buster: I'm not about to take that as a victory, like, don't worry Rio: You do whatever you want Buster Rio: I'm good Buster: Babe Buster: Come on Buster: Do whatever you want, but don't lie to me Rio: Well Rio: I will be soon anyway Buster: What does that mean? Rio: That I'm going out Rio: to have fun Buster: Where are you going? I'll come meet you Rio: No Rio: Don't Rio: You've got to stay in with your sister anyway Buster: I've got to fix things with you too though Buster: I get that you're mad but just let me Rio: I don't wanna talk yet Rio: Later Buster: So you wanna wait until you're drunk, yeah? Rio: Not an amatuer, babe Buster: Whatever Buster: I'll talk to you later then Rio: [Later enough that drugs have been purchased and taken] Rio: What you wanna say then boy? Buster: Do you actually wanna hear it now? Buster: We can do this tomorrow Rio: S'why I asked Buster: What can I do so you'll forgive me? Rio: Hmm Rio: Let me think Buster: I reckoned that's what you'd been doing Buster: But alright Rio: I told you I've been busy Rio: and I told you I'm not obsessed with you Rio: I have a life too you know Buster: Okay Rio: Stop thinking that Rio: that's a start Buster: I don't Rio: and stop taking for granted that I'll stay Rio: just because I love you Rio: it doesn't mean you get to treat me like shit, or put everyone else before me Buster: Babe, I'm sorry if that's what you think Buster: Nobody comes before you Buster: I didn't mean to hurt you and it's shitty that I did Buster: But you're so important to me, you know Rio: I just Rio: The baby does like, but that doesn't mean she does Rio: it ain't the same thing, I want you to know 'cos she'll milk that for all it's worth and you wouldn't listen to me Buster: I know Buster: But I genuinely was worried about the baby, not her Buster: Lesson learned, like Buster: I should've listened to you Rio: I don't want her to take advantage of you any more than she already has Buster: It's not gonna happen Buster: I'll be surprised if she even talks to me again any time soon after how that convo went Rio: Is she mad Buster: I don't care Rio: Yeah Rio: Me either Buster: Are you mad? Rio: No doubt I'll get over it Buster: Let me help you Buster: Whatever you want Rio: I'm sorted Rio: I just got back from picking up Buster: So you're with Indie Rio: No Rio: She's at one of her mates Buster: Who are you with then? Rio: Party of one now Rio: Which is a shame Buster: I'll pick you up Buster: Are you back at the flat? Rio: You're not having any of my drugs Rio: we took most of it anyway Buster: I never said I wanted any Buster: So what, you wanna be on your own? Rio: I don't know Rio: I thought she'd be her Rio: e Buster: Call her Buster: She'll come back Rio: No Rio: Dramatic Buster: I'll do it then Buster: She knows I am Rio: Don't Rio: or Imma make you grovel again Buster: Tell me what you do what me to do then Buster: want* Buster: I can take you home or bring you here Buster: Or we can just keep talking Rio: I'm honestly fine Rio: I didn't wanna talk but you've ruined it Buster: I'll go then Rio: I'm meant to be shocked? Dick Buster: If you don't wanna talk to me and I've ruined your night I'm not just gonna sit here with this inbox open Rio: Then don't Rio: See if I care Buster: Stop it Buster: I know you care Buster: So do I Rio: Well sometimes I wish I didn't Buster: If you can stop, go ahead Buster: I can't Rio: Of course I fucking can't Buster: Then talk to me Buster: What's the fucking point of this? Rio: I can't because you'll be angry Rio: today is piling shit ontop of shit Rio: let's just stop Buster: Why would I be angry? I'm the one that fucked up Buster: You were right, I told you Rio: Yeah well, ditto, babe Buster: What do you mean? You're just high that's hardly the end of the world, babe Rio: It could've been so much more Rio: it would've been so easy Buster: Tell me what happened Rio: Where'd you think I got the drugs from Rio: Who Buster: What the fuck did he do Rio: Nothing no Rio: I think it was me, I text him Rio: but he was really nice about it and nothing actually happened he drove me back Buster: You text him 'cause you wanted drugs and then what? Buster: Did he take them with you? Rio: well yeah Rio: but I didn't pay so fair right Buster: You didn't pay anything? Rio: nope Rio: i offered but Buster: What did he say when you offered? Rio: yeah you know how it goes, it was just a joke Rio: banter Buster: Bullshit Buster: We've been here before, remember Buster: What did he say, Rio Rio: Don't Rio: It's so embarrassing to repeat and you know Buster: I'm gonna kill him Buster: Where is he? Rio: Buster stop Rio: It wasn't like that we we're hanging out, joking Buster: Not this time Buster: He needs to stop Buster: It's a joke until it isn't, babe Buster: Next time what do you think it'll be like Rio: There won't be a next time, I'm not like that Buster: You're not the one who's done anything wrong Buster: He's a drug dealer, you wanted to buy drugs Rio: Neither has he, nothing even happened properly Buster: Nothing should come close to happening Buster: He's having a baby with my fucking aunt Buster: And that's not even the only reason why this is fucked Rio: Exactly so don't do anything or everyone will find out Rio: it was my fault, I was giving off a weird vibe Buster: They need to Buster: How many times is he gonna ruin shit for this family, Jesus Christ Rio: Nothing's ruined Rio: don't tell, please Buster: I'm going to find him Buster: Nance will understand Rio: Don't Rio: How can I convince you this isn't a big deal, come on Buster: I'm not gonna tell anyone I'm just gonna hurt him Buster: Don't worry about it Rio: Buster, stop Rio: Please listen to me Rio: we'll be the ones who ruin everything if you do, not only with Ro and my parents and Edie and Indie Rio: but he knows about us remember, 'cos he does Buster: I don't care about that Buster: This is more important Rio: What about what I want Rio: doesn't that matter at all Buster: Of course it does Buster: Please, just don't stop me again, okay Rio: It's not going to make you feel any better Buster: Yes it will Buster: And if it means he leaves you alone it'll make you feel better too Rio: What if I wanted it to happen Buster: What? Rio: Well maybe I wanted to do it, you can't do this then Rio: right Buster: Don't say that Buster: Of course you didn't Rio: Just don't, yeah Buster: Tell me that you didn't want that Rio: Nothing happened Rio: If I wanted, something would have Rio: but that's my point, it was nothing, seriously Buster: Rio, that's so sick Buster: Don't you know that? Rio: What? Buster: He shouldn't want anything like that to happen with you Buster: We've dragged Chlo through the mud but like, she's not a grown man Rio: He's not that old Rio: and I'm legal Buster: He's the same age as your fucking dad Buster: They grew up together Buster: Come on Rio: He can't not look, really, it's not like I give people much choice Buster: Yes he can Buster: You remember him from being a kid Buster: It's fucked up Buster: Why are you making excuses for him? How can you? Rio: Well everything's a bit fucked up in this family really isn't it Buster: If you compare me to him, I swear to god Rio: I didn't Rio: I'm just saying, I've not got room to judge Buster: You have though Buster: You should Rio: It's fine Rio: I don't care Buster: I can't do this Buster: Fuck's sake Rio: You'll leave it now? Buster: I'm walking away from this convo for a sec before I say something I don't wanna Rio: Go on, get it out here, like Buster: No Rio: It's my fault Rio: Do it Buster: Shut up Rio: No Rio: Make me Buster: I love you, so stop Rio: Why Buster: 'Cause I don't wanna hurt you by saying everything I'm thinking right now Rio: I can handle it Buster: I'm not doing this Rio: Pussy Buster: You're not gonna make me Buster: Leave it alone Rio: Yeah that's good, just tell me you're thinking horrible things about me but don't say them Rio: and you wanted to talk Rio: bullshit, Buster Buster: Excuse me for not wanting to fuck up again tonight Rio: It's your turn, like Buster: Are you keeping score now? Rio: Maybe Rio: Been that kinda day Buster: Then let's call it a night Buster: Enough of this Rio: What, so I can go back to being alone? Rio: Great Rio: Thanks Buster: Let me call someone for you or take you somewhere Buster: This is so stupid Rio: NO Rio: I don't fucking want them don't you get it Rio: you're stupid Rio: being home is no different than being here Buster: Come here then Buster: Just stop shouting at me Rio: You don't want me though do you Buster: Of course I fucking do Buster: Don't say that Rio: You're disgusted right Rio: I bet you can't even look at me Buster: Not by you Buster: Just him Rio: Do you think I did it Buster: I don't think you did anything wrong Rio: Honest? Buster: Seriously Buster: None of this is your fault Rio: I don't know how you can mean it Rio: but I believe you Buster: 'Cause it's true, Rio Buster: It hurts me that you don't know that Rio: I get paid to take my clothes off and talk about sex Rio: everyone's seen me get fucked Rio: it's not so leftfield for him to reckon i'd fuck him for payment Buster: Yes it is Buster: That's like Chlo saying 'cause I've fucked her friends I wanted to fuck her and it's no big deal Rio: Money makes it different Rio: you wanted to fuck them, that's fine Rio: I'm just doing it for the cash, so why not that too right Buster: 'Cause of who he is for one thing is why not Buster: 'Cause you've made it clear to him that you don't want to Buster: 'Cause wanting to get high doesn't mean you wanna get fucked Buster: 'Cause you're worth more than however the fuck much he gave you Rio: Have I though? Maybe I'm just not good at making it clear Rio: Ryan doesn't get it either Buster: That's them Buster: Lads have really fucked you over, babe Buster: I hate it Buster: I've always known exactly what you want and don't. It's not hard to read your signals never mind take it what you're actually saying Rio: Shut up Rio: I'm no sob story it's standard Buster: It's not and I can't handle you thinking it is Rio: You reckon no girl you've been with ever felt like this Buster: I've been a massive cunt to plenty of them but I still know they haven't Rio: Nah, you're wrong Rio: not saying because of you Rio: but they have Buster: Even if other girls have been through it, it doesn't make a difference Buster: It's still not right Buster: If this was happening to someone else you'd be first in line to fuck the dude up Buster: You know you would Rio: Yeah well other people don't deserve it Buster: Why do you? Rio: Because Rio: well because I dress how I do, and I put myself out there naked all the time anyway Rio: what else would people think Rio: it's logical Buster: Bullshit Buster: Normal people would reckon that how you dress doesn't make a difference Buster: And neither does your job, 'Cause that's what it is, babe. A job Buster: If Indie was doing it you wouldn't let people treat her like shit Rio: But she isn't and wouldn't Rio: I'm not saying it's right but it's the world we live in Rio: it is what it is Buster: No, cunts are gonna think what cunts are gonna think but that ain't your fault Buster: I refuse to believe your ma ain't never taken you to a women's march or some shit Buster: If anything you should get more respect for doing it, not less, 'cause of the cunts you have to deal with Rio: Well I don't so whatever Buster: Not whatever Buster: It's shit and you don't have to accept it Rio: Christ, do you wanna go on a march or something Buster: Shut up Buster: Have you met my mother and sister? I get all the feminist speeches I need Rio: Yeah well you know it's bullshit then Buster: What drugs did he give you? Buster: You're so down on yourself and everything else Rio: Oh yeah, this is an issue with the drugs Rio: Get real, babe Buster: I'm being real, you're being negative to the extreme Rio: Damn, I'm so sorry Rio: You want posi vibes go find my Ma Buster: Calm down Rio: Whatever Buster: Stop saying whatever to me Rio: Say something I wanna hear then Buster: Like what? Rio: If you need to ask it ain't gonna happen Rio: go to bed Buster: Only if you take your own advice Rio: Sure Rio: if you like Buster: Please do Rio: Don't make me whatever at you again Rio: I've still got some left Buster: You don't need that Buster: You need to stop Rio: I know my limits, thanks Buster: Act like it then Rio: Stop lecturing me Buster: Stop being such a headfuck Rio: If you don't like it you know what to do Buster: If you don't want me to tell you what to do, then don't try and do the same to me, babe Rio: What do you want, Buster? Buster: Why are you asking me that? You already know the answers Rio: I'm not in the mood now Rio: that ship has sailed Buster: If you think I'm gonna fuck you in this state then I don't know what to tell you Rio: You're not Buster: That's my point Rio: So Rio: you can go Buster: No Buster: I might be too sober for whatever the fuck is going on with you right now but that doesn't mean I'm leaving you to it Buster: Not actually that much of a cunt, like Rio: Entertain yourself then Buster: Fine Rio: You actually got nothing better on Rio: wake Nance up, like Buster: I'm not just sitting here Buster: I've got plenty of shit to do Rio: You should focus for once Buster: Stop telling me what to do Rio: It was a suggestion not a demand Rio: touchy Buster: Don't Buster: You're so annoying on whatever Drew's mystery freebies are Rio: Maybe you just deserve it Buster: What is that meant to mean? Rio: We're here 'cos you were meant to be apologising Rio: remember Rio: not forgot just 'cos I'm wasted Buster: I already said sorry Buster: But okay Buster: I'm sorry again Rio: Yeah Buster: I fucked up it's not gonna happen that way again Rio: Alright Rio: We'll see Buster: You don't believe me? Rio: I believe you've got good intentions Buster: That's not the same thing Buster: I told you, I'm done jumping through hoops for her Rio: 'Til you know it's yours for sure Rio: then you'll have to Buster: No I won't Buster: She doesn't get to hold me to ransom even if it is my kid Rio: I wish that were true Rio: You think lads are bad Rio: Girls can be evil Buster: Cheers for that, babe Buster: You're a bit late with the warning, like, but Rio: Well Rio: I didn't think this would happen Buster: That makes two of us Rio: It's shit Buster: Yeah, I know Rio: It's always going to be shit isn't it Buster: Of course not Buster: We're gonna be so good, remember? Rio: Sounds like the kinda shit I'd say Rio: yeah Buster: Yeah Buster: You did Buster: And I believe it Rio: I'm glad you do Buster: You're telling me you don't now? Rio: I didn't say that Buster: What are you saying? Rio: I don't know Rio: I need to get away Buster: From me? Rio: No Rio: From here Buster: Come to London with me Rio: I don't think I can come meet her parents with you babe Buster: That's not what I said Buster: And I'm not doing that anyway Rio: Since when? Buster: Since today when I told her I'm not Rio: Why didn't you tell me Buster: There's been a lot going on, babe Buster: You didn't wanna talk to me and I just wanted to say sorry so Rio: Ugh Rio: you don't tell me any of the good bits Buster: Bullshit Buster: I tell you everything Rio: Obviously not boy Buster: Fuck off Rio: You are rude Buster: Stop lying Rio: Yet more rudeness Rio: Unbelieveable Buster: You love me Buster: Shh Rio: Sad but true Buster: Don't say it like that Rio: Jokes Buster: 😒 Rio: Can dish it out but can't take it huh Buster: You don't have to be competitively rude Buster: It's not a game, like Rio: Oh so you want me to say nice things to you and you get to be a meanie Rio: I think not Buster: I can be nice Rio: You're gonna have to prove that Buster: Yeah? Buster: Easy Rio: ? Rio: I'm waiting Buster: What I have to prove it but you don't have to earn it? Now that's rude Rio: 😒 Buster: Are you gonna come to London or what? Rio: Maybe Rio: but even in my intoxicated state I know it needs more planning than just saying yeah Buster: If I say please will you say yeah anyway though Rio: Say it then Buster: Please stay in London with me, baby Rio: Oh Rio: that was nice Rio: Yeah, I will Buster: Good Buster: I wish we could start today over Buster: I miss you Rio: We can Rio: Come see me Buster: I can't, you're too wasted and so is my sister Rio: Please Buster: I really want to Rio: Then come Buster: You need sleep Buster: The comedown is gonna be a bitch Rio: I need you Buster: I can't just leave Nance here she won't know what the fuck is going on Buster: I'll come get you, you can be here too Rio: Can you drive? Buster: I'm not the one that's high, babe Rio: Okay Rio: smartypants Rio: Come get me Buster: I'm on my way Rio: 🤤 Buster: I love you Buster: Hold on, I'll be right there Rio: I love you Rio: you're hot Buster: Yeah I know Rio: so damn hot Rio: i want you Buster: Tomorrow Buster: When you wake up you can have the whole day if you want Rio: 😣 Rio: cocktease Buster: I'm only a tease if I break that promise Rio: I'm mad Buster: Babe Buster: I'll still make you feel good Buster: But you don't wanna fuck me Rio: I do too Buster: You might change your mind again before I get there Buster: You already have from earlier Rio: Well I'll let you know Buster: Good Buster: Chat away then 'cause if you wake Nance you will be mad and so will she probably Rio: Pshh Rio: You know I can be quiet Buster: Normally yeah, but I'm not sure I trust in whatever you're on Rio: 😑 Rio: I'm not gonna out us to your sister Buster: I know you won't Buster: I wouldn't let it happen anyway Rio: Exactly Rio: Plenty of ways to shut me up so let's play Buster: I'm trying to be good right now and you're making it harder than it should be Rio: Fuck good Rio: fuck me Buster: Jesus Rio: Little late to be turning to him babe Buster: Yeah Rio: [Morning after] Rio: Where are you? Buster: Breakfast run Buster: I'll be back soon Rio: Oh good Rio: I thought you'd relegated yourself to the sofa on my behalf Buster: Like you'd have let me Buster: You weren't letting go, babe Rio: Are you mad? Buster: 'Course not Buster: Are you okay? Rio: Dehydrated like a motherfucker Rio: don't say told you so Rio: is Nance up? Buster: Drink your water I deliberately left it within reach Buster: Neither of you were when I left but she could have been faking so she didn't have to face the world, like Rio: You're cute Rio: I'll attempt to lift my head, like Rio: Poor babe, I'm not hearing any groans of despair so maybe she's still out Buster: I'll rig up some kind of elaborate straw set up like the nerd I am if you wait for me Buster: I'll console her with breakfast either way Rio: Don't make me laugh Rio: or be nice to me Rio: Good idea Rio: that and complete feigned ignorance, at least I got so trashed it's almost believeable from me too Buster: I'll try not to make you laugh but you can't stop me being nice to you Buster: Yeah, obviously Buster: Do you want that from me too? Rio: No Rio: I don't like it when we don't tell each other the truth Buster: Me either Rio: How are you? Buster: Standard Buster: Well, my new one of tired and stressed, like Rio: Babe Rio: You should sleep when you get back Buster: And waste this coffee, yeah right? Buster: I've got too much to do anyway Rio: 😔 Rio: Least let me give you a massage Buster: 'Cause that won't be distracting at all, like Rio: After then Rio: I'm really good at them Buster: Humble brag Buster: But I don't doubt it Rio: I'm just tryna make amends Rio: I'll think of something Rio: not firing on all cylinders yet but Buster: Babe you don't have to Buster: I'm not gonna say no to you proving how good you are with your hands in yet another way but like Buster: It shouldn't be 'cause you feel bad Rio: But I do Rio: but I want to too Rio: I don't want you to be stressed Buster: Don't Buster: You don't owe me anything, yeah? I want to take care of you too Buster: And I'm not stressed 'cause of you, you know that right? Rio: Lil bit tho Rio: lbr Buster: Nah Buster: Yesterday was already a headfuck before you were Buster: And I can't actually make you do all my school work, hot as the idea is Rio: Okay Rio: I'll let you get on, promise Rio: No funny business Buster: Shame Buster: But if I have to keep on being 😇 so be it Buster: If I could resist you last night I can do anything Rio: Hm? Rio: Yeah I bet the mess was so desirable, like 😏 Buster: You were Buster: You are Buster: And you thought I was too so Buster: Christ knows why Rio: Who are you and what have you done with Buster McKenna? Buster: He's here somewhere, queuing for espresso Buster: But he was hardly bringing his A game to you at that AM after a mad dash to the 24, like Rio: Oh God Rio: might crawl into Nance's shame pit with her Rio: don't mind me Buster: There's no need Buster: You were all over the place, but at least you weren't stalking your exes Buster: Did think I might be one at certain points but Buster: Cheers for not dumping me Rio: Really throw him off Rio: A power move, honestly, and a better use of my evening alas Rio: Shut up Buster: I was trying to stalk Drew so I could murder him in fairness so I can't judge Rio: I remember that much Rio: Let's not Buster: You were right, as usual Buster: Take it Rio: I did not feel it, trust Buster: I know Rio: Indie's texting Rio: Ugh, I feel awful Buster: Are you gonna tell her? Rio: I don't think so? Rio: I hate feeling like I'm lying again but Rio: it's not worth it, she knows what he is, I don't need to feel like I'm stirring the pot Buster: For what my opinion's worth, now I'm calmer about it I don't reckon you should either Buster: How fucked to know that your dad ain't changed from the days he was fucking your mum for drugs Buster: She don't need that spelled out again Rio: Yeah Rio: It'll just hurt her Rio: I don't trust him to give a fuck so Rio: Nah Buster: Exactly Buster: I'm sorry I lost it Buster: You don't have to worry about what I'm gonna do, alright Rio: I don't blame you Rio: it was valid Rio: but glad we're on the same page about what to do now Buster: Yeah Buster: I don't wanna fight with you about that cunt of all people Rio: Seriously Rio: Agreed Rio: Safe to say I'm off the drugs but if I get the urge Rio: go somewhere else, like Rio: easy to avoid Buster: It's not like he comes around to see Indie that often either so Buster: I just wish Chlo was that easy to avoid Rio: If only Rio: Have you heard anything since? Buster: I've blocked her socials 'cause she was all over my feed so I'm waiting for that backlash but no Buster: I meant everything I said last night, you know Rio: Wait for her to find you on some obscure platform you'd forgot about Rio: that's always fun Rio: yeah, I know Buster: If she starts liking more of your pics we know why Buster: Hopefully even she isn't shameless enough to try and talk to me via Nance after everything though Rio: Won't get cocky, like Rio: Yikes Rio: She wouldn't, right? Buster: Honestly? I wouldn't be surprised Buster: Last night she was so Buster: It's next level Rio: Maybe unblock her then Rio: What if she thinks Nancy knows about the baby Rio: or just drops it for the fun of it Buster: Fuck Buster: Tell me I don't have to Buster: I can't deal with this right now Rio: I'm sorry Rio: but like you said, wouldn't put it past her, and that would be worse Buster: You're not the one who should be Buster: I keep fucking this up, don't I? Buster: I should've just listened to you. And my mum Rio: We don't have to deal with it Rio: it's hard to know what to do for the best when she's happy to use anything against you Rio: can't win Buster: I don't wanna lose everything, that's all Rio: You won't Rio: Nancy is never gonna be on her side Rio: even if Chloe did talk shit Rio: it's not gonna be good but, you won't lose her Rio: and you've got me Buster: Don't leave Buster: I know it's shit right now but Rio: I'm not going anywhere Rio: 'cept with you Buster: I know Buster: I'm just being dramatic Buster: Maybe I do need sleep Rio: Just a power nap Rio: I'll wake you up Rio: even if you do look like an 😇 when you're sleeping Buster: I know Nance is here and we have to have breakfast and all that bullshit but Buster: Will you stay with me anyway while I'm asleep Rio: Of course Rio: I kind of forgot I just couldn't Buster: Yeah Buster: I have to force myself to remember it can't be the same when other people are around Rio: Same Buster: I would've just kissed you when I came in whether Nance was there or not, like sorry but honey I'm home Rio: Now I'm sad that you can't Buster: Meet me on my way in and I'll do it there Buster: Say you need the fresh air Rio: Why are you so cute Buster: It's your fault looking so beautiful when all you're doing is sleeping Buster: Making me miss you and not wanna leave with your eyes closed, literally Rio: You got it so bad, babe Rio: Don't ever stop, okay Buster: Don't you stop Rio: Just born like it, babe Rio: couldn't if I tried Rio: 😋 Buster: 😏 Buster: There she is, the love of my life Rio: Shh Rio: Got me here swooning Buster: You're in the right place for it Buster: Me, not so much Buster: Speaking of shhing don't tell your dad how busy this place is on a weekday morning, yeah? Rio: Yeah Rio: should get up though, make the sofa look slept on Rio: but I'm warm and comfy Rio: I know Rio: 💔 like Buster: Stay there I'll be back soon Buster: I can do that Rio: I'm so lazy Rio: how long have you been up Buster: I'm selfish, that's where I want you Buster: Too long, babe Rio: Fine by me baby Buster: How does it feel like actual years since we were properly alone together, like? Rio: I know Rio: Long fucking day, like Rio: I miss you Buster: I miss you too Buster: so badly Rio: Well if you're good and get your work done, I'll take you out Buster: Let's just go out once breakfast is done Buster: I'll tell Nance I'm taking you home and we'll just Rio: Unless the next words outta your mouth are study date Rio: you know you gotta shh Buster: Babe Rio: Be a nerd Rio: you know it turns me on 😉 Buster: Alright Buster: But keep your hands to yourself if I have to Rio: 👐 where you can see 'em like Buster: Good Buster: I can still enjoy the view Rio: 'Course Rio: you're not training to be a priest, are you Buster: Sometimes a fair few praises of the big man do come out of my mouth, so I can see why you'd ask, but nah Rio: 😂 Rio: Shame Buster: Is that how you want it? Rio: Gotta replace the school uniform with something, babe Buster: Fine by me Buster: I love telling you to kneel Rio: Jesus Rio: You're making it very hard to be good Buster: There's plenty of time with that Buster: for* Buster: And Jesus is all about forgiveness, yeah? So Rio: So Rio: Make it through breakfast and then we can go do whatever you want Buster: I love you Rio: I love you more Buster: You reckon? Rio: Yep Rio: You said I shouldn't be competitively rude so Rio: Channeling my 💪 into this instead Buster: Well, get through breakfast and I'll prove you wrong about something for the first time in ages Rio: You're on, babe Buster: And I'm finally on my way back too Buster: Try not to swoon again when I walk in, like Rio: 😏 Do my best Rio: I am proper hank so, always a good excuse Buster: Until I catch you Buster: There'd be no excusing that reaction Rio: Sure everyone knows you love the heroics Buster: You're literally the only person who knows that, babe Buster: I asked Chlo if she was okay and she reacted like I asked if her mum was down to fuck Rio: She's a bitch Rio: and her mum would be so lucky Buster: 😂 Buster: This is why I love you more Rio: Seriously Rio: don't feel bad for trying to do the right thing Rio: even if we were both bitches about it Buster: I do though Buster: I feel like such an idiot Rio: I know but Rio: that's just how she wants you to feel rn Rio: and fuck that Buster: My mum basically told me to walk away, even if the kid's mine Buster: Maybe I should Rio: I don't think you can decide that 'til it's here Rio: it'll be real then Buster: It's real now though Buster: A real fucking mess Rio: I know Rio: but that's her, not the kid Buster: I really hope this kid ain't mine 'cause if it is, I don't want her raising it Rio: Yeah Rio: Maybe it'll change her, like Rio: failing that, she can get a decent nanny right Buster: Yeah Buster: Right again, I guess Rio: Bit strong Rio: Trying to be positive though Buster: Nah, you're coming for my nerd 👑 like Rio: Never! Rio: Ain't offering my services, no Mary Poppins, like Buster: You kind of are, to be fair Rio: Slide into her DMs with my CV then Rio: much appreciated 😂 Buster: You're welcome Rio: Fool Buster: Such a sweet talker, babe Rio: It's just mental Buster: Do you wanna elaborate or nah? Rio: You got the gist don't lie Rio: that you're having a baby Rio: might be Buster: Yeah Buster: I mean, I doubt anyone's gonna be that shocked when they find out but Rio: Yeah but Rio: doesn't mean it ain't Buster: Obviously Buster: But it means something that neither of my parents batted an eyelid at that part of the story Buster: Only the who, like Rio: I mean, yeah Rio: if they were putting money on a twin Rio: Definitely more prepared for this convo Buster: Hilarious Rio: You gotta admit Rio: that would be way more dire Buster: Way more drama Rio: I can't handle it Rio: never mind your poor parents Rio: taking one for the team, babe Buster: All about those heroics Rio: I knew Rio: Not to brag Buster: Keep my secrets, babe Buster: I'm back now, get your poker face on Rio: 😐 Rio: So serious Rio: so ready Buster: You and me both Buster: I'm so ready for you I'm not even hungry anymore Rio: 😣 Baby Rio: Don't try and break me already Buster: 🤐

[punkscowardschampions]

Bea & Bronson

Bea: Hey Bronson: You don't have to Bea: I do, though Bea: it's important, your feelings are important, I acted otherwise, so you have to know that's not how it is, how I see things Bronson: Yours are too Bronson: I know you weren't seeing things clear last night Bronson: Call it forgotten Bea: Fuck that Bea: I know there's no forgetting Bea: and I know I've broken your trust and there's no getting it back Bea: but please, let me rebuild something Bea: I only did it because you're important to me Bronson: important in what way though Bronson: we aren't gonna be that Bea: No Bea: not like that, I don't want that Bea: I don't even want what I did, not really, I know that's just words when I did it but I swear to fucking God Bea: you're my best friend, my only friend, frankly Bea: it's a distancing thing...you know Bea: make you like him, put you in that box, that way I can see it as a good thing when I lose you Bea: but you don't deserve to be tarred with that brush, so I am, I'm really sorry Bronson: I've been around C & R long enough to see some fucked up boxes Bronson: and not walk off Bronson: I'm not doing that to you Bea: It probably won't be you Bea: that'd be me too Bea: I can't sustain shit Bea: I did the same to them, you know Bea: but they don't care so I didn't have to feel bad about it, got to be selfish Bronson: and they never bragged about it in my earshot...whoa Bronson: blessing or curse Bronson: I mean, if I was gonna, you'd get first dibs, but let's not make it weirder like Bea: Guess they give enough of a shit about you to not put that weird on you Bea: little did they know...ha Bronson: I mean they have made some offers over the years Bronson: But we were a lot younger Bronson: And the flashbacks only occur sometimes lol Bea: Didn't mean to add to the PTSD Bronson: You're off the christmas card list but you can still come for drinks Bronson: Nobody needs the newsletter and cringey family photo really Bea: Bron Bea: stop making it a joke if it ain't Bronson: I don't know how else to deal Bronson: You're not a club random Bea: You could tell me what you wanna tell them Bea: might help Bronson: I don't see it, you didn't have those motives Bea: Wanna violate my trust somehow Bea: hack me Bronson: Sure Bronson: Scope out that inbox Bea: go for it, serious Bea: #exposed Bronson: Am I gonna go further down the PTSD rabbit hole by catching sight of your nudes? Bronson: You can delete but they won't go Bea: I mean Bea: perhaps best to swerve my texts then Bea: uni emails Bea: ooh the scandal Bronson: Fix your grades while I'm there Bronson: 100 or nothing Bea: 🎯 Bea: Too good, you Bronson: Then, you'll owe me solidly, there's my angle Bronson: 👀 Bronson: Express your gratitude in a manner we won't have to run from and everything's normal again Bea: Anything you want Bea: WANT being the keyword there Bea: no funny business ever again Bronson: Swear on what you hold dearest Bronson: I can make those grades go down easy peasy Bea: Hmm, myself? Bronson: Those are my terms Bronson: 'Cause I can't stutter a no out don't mean a yes 😂 remember that going forward Bea: DON'T Bronson: too soon Bea: always too soon to be assaulting people Bronson: I'll stop smacking you with these punchlines in a minute like Bronson: Living with those two scallys too long Bronson: Not too soon to think about moving out Bea: You'd miss the mess you bless Bea: having your stuff knicked, constant undesirable and unknown visitors, all the noise and drama Bronson: I'll miss you if you do one after this botched reconciliation Bronson: You're my fave hot mess they ever brought back, Judes Bea: Don't make me cry Bea: this mascara is 22quid a pop Bronson: We'd be close to even Bronson: I'm worth at least that Bea: How rude of me to suggest otherwise Bea: but the foundation, the blush Bea: adding up Bronson: 💸 Bronson: Gotta get Ronaldo to teach you everything she knows about 🖐 discounts Bea: I think John Lewis would see her coming from a mile off, babe Bronson: There's a reason I have no fucking idea what one looks like inside Bea: like you're inside a upper middle class home but the bitch is also selling avon Bronson: 😂 Bronson: Take me there girl Bronson: I wanna see this Bea: Get you a pot of tea and a slice of something nice if you behave Bronson: I can be bought Bea: No judgment Bea: can't we all Bronson: Bring me coffee and all will be forgiven like Bronson: I've got the headache to end all 'em Bea: 😱 you? never! Bea: surprised you're not caning the red bulls already you animal Bronson: I would be if there was any left Bronson: hot commodity in this household Bea: 🤢 you are garbage people Bronson: You missed a trick not calling us monsters 😂 Bronson: It's early but you're a 🤓 Bea: I'm not gonna stoop to such levels Bea: any time of the day Bronson: Not gonna say your forgiveness depends on it Bea: Good Bea: not gonna change who I am, babe Bronson: Can't either Bea: Noted Bronson: But I'm not trying to change you, note that Bea: I know Bronson: Your man might Bronson: But I'm not going that deep into your inbox Bea: At least I don't have to tell him Bea: unless I drunkenly did Bea: bitch you better not have Bronson: I remember taking your phone at some point Bronson: If you're drunk enough to let me that's trouble Bea: 😬 Bea: Oh great Bronson: Get me his phone and it'll be like nothing ever happened Bea: idk if my skills of persuasion are gonna match his rage rn Bea: or pay for the first class postage Bronson: Quick trip to Ireland to buy my forgiveness and do some petty thievery could be a plan Bea: how is this for your forgiveness Bea: its entirely for me Bea: too pure Bronson: I need a- uh- Bronson: Guinness and Lucky Charms Bea: 😏 as cultured as I expected Bronson: Whoa there, I've seen that Leprechaun film with Rachel from Friends in it Bronson: Putting the cult in culture lol Bronson: 😂 Bea: Oh God Bea: 🤓 for all things trash Bronson: Blame the trash queen herself Bronson: A slut for shite horror Bea: I'll take great delight in telling her her Mum is just the same Bronson: Start saving for a headstone now I will Bea: she's gotta face facts some day Bronson: She'd sooner spite her face violently Bronson: We all know it Bea: 🤞 Bea: whaddya think I'm aiming for Bronson: Not to get Charlie about it but peas in a pod you two Bea: how dare you Bronson: face them faces, Judy baby Bea: Dick Bea: Now either way, I prove your point Bea: 😒 Bronson: You might be a smarty pants but I'm a smart arse like Bea: think of some witty retorts for Fraze then and go at it Bea: 'cos I can't face that yet Bronson: Time to build another fort and hide you in it Bea: gonna have to take up permanent residence at this fucking rate Bea: kick Tommy out of my old box room, that's not my graduate plan Bronson: Shack up with you like you're my actual missus Bronson: bedsits are very affordable Bronson: leave Fraze in the dust and forget the awkward convo looming Bea: Ha Bea: not exactly the plan either Bea: as much as I LOVE what you lads have done with the place 😽 Bronson: I'm not as house trained as poshos need theirs to be but not the pup they treat me like Bronson: We'd manage on our own, hun Bronson: love conquers all Bea: 💘 Bea: You're ridiculous Bronson: You need me Bronson: Too sensible by half Bea: 😏 Not gonna deny or accuse you of mixed messages BUT Bronson: Victim blaming isn't the way back into anyone's good books, love 😂 Bea: 🤷 Bea: don't want you to get the wrong idea Bronson: My ideas are fixed Bronson: No changing this mind Bea: that impenetrable firewall, I get it Bronson: Yeah Bea: Don't even be impressed by my nerd talk then, bitch Bronson: You can better Bronson: And we're trying to swerve pillow talk Bea: Look, I can't help being the best k Bronson: Back at you Bronson: Hard life being irresistible and unattainable like but I'm styling it out as effortless Bea: Ahh Bea: the one goal I can never reach Bronson: You're up there for me Bronson: If we stick together you've done it Bea: Safe to say I proved that I can't Bea: whore that I am Bronson: You're my whore Bronson: Stick around Bea: Who could say no? Bea: Such a charmer Bea: can't go in my inbox nevermind home anyway Bronson: Say the word and I'll clear it or pack a bag Bronson: Whichever Bea: Cheers, Bron Bea: what's the morning after without some drama to sort Bea: be at a loose end without it Bronson: Rather wipe your texts than clear up after the motley two Bronson: Disgusting Bea: Eurgh Bea: Don't even wanna think about them Bronson: How strong are the flashbacks? Bronson: I don't wanna think about that Bea: Why did you ask then 😂 Bronson: I'm a caring son of a bitch Bronson: And nosy Bea: Fair and fair Bea: wasn't that bad but not needing to repeat, is the answer Bea: but keep that on the DL Bea: not having them think I'M more repulsive than they are Bronson: I would but I feel like R's got that tattooed on her cause its such a legit review Bronson: Revolving door for her lack of repeat custom Bea: Well Bea: 'cept one Bronson: Let's not start Bronson: Enough of a headache without going there Bea: 2nd that Bronson: Onward to John Lewis Bronson: How much scandal can follow us around there realistically Bronson: We're well safe Bea: unlikely they're gonna want us to stock 'em up on overpriced knitwear Bronson: Trying to sell that on for anything but a loss would be an even worse headache Bronson: It's a no from me Bea: aw but you'd look adorable Bea: and sexless, more importantly Bronson: Would I though? Bronson: Or would I look quality in a bit of salmon pink Bronson: Trying to make me a target for the older crowd so I wouldn't turn you down next time, is it? Bea: 🤢🖕 Bea: nice bit of argyle Bea: golf chinos Bronson: 🏌 Bronson: a look Bea: if you wanna be some daddy's caddy Bronson: And risk taking Charlie's gig Bea: you know i know he knows he's past his prime Bronson: Yeah but I'm not trying to take his place in my mine Bea: Your loss booboo Bronson: Theirs Bronson: My daddy issues don't go that hard Bea: Worst luck Bronson: Like in the rankings I'm the worst horse to bet on if you want that action, dads Bronson: Pay my bills and get nothing back if that's your deal otherwise its a strike out Bea: save all this time I'm wasting on uni, eh Bronson: I haven't got a leg to stand on agreeing cause I'm still showing up myself Bronson: Half the time Bea: 👏 Bea: get you Bronson: someone's gotta show up to tell the rest to turn the computers off and on again Bronson: be a hero Bea: ⭐ for you Bronson: High five Bronson: We're killing it Bea: gotta slay in at least one area Bea: even if the rest is going to shit Bronson: I can't tell you not to feel bad about last night but I am Bea: I'm glad we're alright Bronson: You gotta get right by talking to freckles though Bronson: Rip off the plaster Bea: Yeah Bea: John Lewis first though, eh Bea: cheer myself with expensive crap when it all goes tits Bronson: Return it when the guilt kicks in Bronson: Easy fix for that fuck up Bea: If only everything had that 30-day return policy Bronson: We have to try on the most ridiculous shit they have Bronson: Guaranteed cheer up Bronson: Nothing's better than taking the piss outta me so I'm told Bea: 😂 sounds good Bea: though i can turn a look with anything Bronson: There she is Bronson: I'll meet you there but you have to walk in with me so I don't get trailed round the shop like the scum I come from Bea: wear your nicest hoodie please Bronson: Never dressing like a dosser when I'm meeting my lady Bea: so 😍 babe Bronson: Deffo