#and so close to the right answer his brain literally just goes left like 'but DID we even kill that kid tho? I feel like hes fine...

[firelise]

up thinking about the fact that Great's brain literally has no idea why he was shot so it just went "...hmmm...real head-scratcher....I guess it could be because of that lady we ran over that one time...? or maybe that time we helped our friend do a murder...? or maybe cuze we fucked that one guy our family hates who also hates our family...? well even if we could undo all of those decisions it could also just be because we come from a shitty family that does bad things and kills people, there's always that, can't change that huh..."

and y'know....his brain wasn't not right, a broken clock once a day and all

[robraeinnevermore]

why do u ship robrae so much

short answer: THEY UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER mainly childhood nostalgia my brain refuses to let go of.

long answer: I’m a slut for a brooding couple dynamic. Most of my ship fuel is from the 03 cartoon so I can’t say much about comics or any other media. Warning: I am gonna YAP.

In Nevermore Robin is the one to break through her attack on Dr. Light and then later tries to constantly respect her space when she asks to be left alone despite the others wanting to check on her.

Robin was the one to figure out the connection between Raven’s powers shorting out and the haunted house in Fear Itself because he knows her so well.

They confide in each other their hesitancy’s about Terra, both the first time she comes around and when she makes a come back later on.

It’s a small thing in Spellbound but after one of the missions she runs back to her room and he’s the first one to check on her— noticing specifically how she seemed to be in a rush and wanted to make sure she was okay.

In Haunted she easily could have just used her soul self to fly through the building through the walls and used her empathy to find Robin but instead she made a mental link to him. Whether the show meant it to be a physical bond or not, it stirred up memories and information Robin likely wouldn’t have been open about otherwise. He had the option to deny her access to his mind, but I think he needed some sort of reassurance someone else could really see Slade and that he wasn’t going crazy. If he was going to trust anyone physically in his head it was going to be Raven.

Then we get into the fucking birthmark/prophecy/ end arc and I go absolutely mental.

Robin knows she doesn’t want to celebrate her birthday for some reason and even on the insistence of the others he hesitantly goes along with it because he still wants to celebrate his friend. When they’re fighting Slade, Robin is almost crushed by a gear which is what prompts her to panic and accidentally stop time. Robin is the only one she frees from the time freeze and trusts him with the prophecy of her birth. They’re both trying to protect each other and it’s just the start of them doing anything for each other. I think it’s very heavily insinuated Slade assaults Raven, to an extent, and Robin is the one to catch her after and take her home. When they try to throw another party for her he makes a point to check in again and ask her if she’s really okay with this. Plus Robin’s comment of her being in his head and letting him inside hers will always stick with me. He’s trying to be vulnerable with her and hoping she’ll do the same. She almost wavers, but the fear of losing the people she’s close to holds her back from telling him everything.

Robin can tell there’s something going on with her in The Prophecy, especially when they’re in the library right before she leaves to go to Azarath. When she returns to kick Slades ass and she’s goading Slade about protecting the gem Robin puts it together that Raven is the gem.

Then The fucking End. Raven does her best to make the end of the world the best day she can for her friends and Robin tries to get the others to go easy on her when she makes a dogshit breakfast. When her body starts to react to The End and she falls to the ground crying Robin is the one to comfort her. Robin and Cy working on a room to specifically keep her safe from Trigon so nothing can get to her. Then despite all that Robin literally goes to hell for her. Teams up with Slade, the man he hates the most in the world, in order to find her. He guides her through hell to face her father and once again when Robin is knocked unconscious she finds the strength to kick some ass. The lightness in her tone when she hugs Robin and says “Somebody believed,” and he embraces her in return. Their conversation at the end of the saga about how Raven is what gives Robin hope— as if she doesn’t feel the same exact way wtf.

I think they push each other in ways the others necessarily don’t. They understand there’s a darkness to each of them and it’s something they can fully accept in each other. I think sometimes having someone in a darker place than you can bring out an unexpected light.

Robin knows when to check on Raven but he also knows when to give her space. In contrast, Raven knows when Robin needs space but also knows when to force her help on him. They’re both stubborn, snappy and hot headed; but they would do literally anything for each other and regardless of how heated their words may get they’re always honest with each other. The trust they have for each other is insurmountable and I think that adds to their chemistry.

I also just have so many other small niche things in my brain that are just constantly screaming at me like

[inkdrinkerworld]

idk if you’ve ever seen my mad fat diary but finn reminds me so much of your james that it literally makes me SICK. if you’re interested, i implore you to think about james with a chubby and insecure reader where he basically has to spell it out that he likes them and then reaffirm it with his actions (brings you flowers, sweets, invites you to watch him play rugby, asks you to hang out with your friends). idk if you can work it in but there’s a line where the main character is like “you don’t have to kiss me because you feel sorry for me” and he responds like “i’m not kissing you because i feel sorry for you?? i’m kissing you because i want to” and that with james is so ajhhhhh

I haven’t seen it!!! Cw: insecure chubby!reader, negative self talk

James likes you. He’s liked you since you first transferred to his business class to make up credits for your semester.

He’s made it clear, in his mind, that he likes you by always saving you a seat next to him, and always having flowers on your desk every Monday.

You don’t seem to get it though.

You’re both in a ‘fight’ right now, James had asked you to come to his rugby game with his friends and you had asked him why he goes out of his way to be that nice to you.

“Because I like you,” he’d scratched his head when he said it. “I thought you realized that ages ago.”

You had shaken your head, “You don’t like me James, you think you do. I’m not your type.”

James had frowned after that, insisting you were wrong and you’d scoffed and said something about your being undesirable and James had left you standing in the hallway.

You haven’t answered his apologizing texts for leaving you in the hallway and not walking you back to your dorm.

Your brain hasn’t exactly caught up with the fact that James likes you. It feels unreal. James is fit, he’s got just about every girl on campus flocking to him. Him liking you feels like a cruel joke.

Still, you get off your bed and change into his rugby sweater and a pair of jeans and head to the pitch.

You reach there when they’re warming up and you can tell James is off. His runs aren’t as perfectly timed as they should be and his throws are short.

“James was worried you wouldn’t show.” Remus whispers as he and Sirius come to sit beside you.

You chew your lip and don’t tell them that you’d been thinking about staying home.

“He really does like you doll,” Sirius says and you roll your eyes.

“For now. It’s better for us if we just stay friends. He’ll find someone better to like soon enough.”

Remus tuts, “In James’ mind, there is no one better. He’ll wait for you forever, if that’s what it takes.”

Neither of them say anything after that and you’re left with your thoughts again.

You do like James. You’ve liked James before he started bringing you those flowers every Monday. You’ve liked him before he offered to walk you to your dorm one night and just always did it after that.

He’s easy to like, you come to realise, because he does everything with purpose but also like it’s second nature. Like being near you and making sure you get home safe is something he’s always done.

The game is scrappy and James’ team win by a messy touchdown. Even after the game he’s sulking so you walk down to the pitch to greet him.

“Hi Jamie,” you’re in front of him and even behind the helmet you can tell his eyes widen. “I’m sorry about earlier.”

James takes off his helmet and sets it on the turf. “I’m sorry too. I didn’t mean to get upset, but you can’t speak about yourself like that to me.”

He closes some of the distance between you. “Did you really mean it? Do you really like me?”

James makes a pitying sound in the back of his throat as he hears how uncertain you sound. “Since you sat next to me wearing those silly socks with the bears on them.”

His hands are on your cheeks, cupping them gently. “You’re the most beautiful, kind, gentle, amazing, thoughtful person I’ve ever met. Of course I’d like you.” He confesses and you feel the pinpricks of tears in your eyes.

“I like you too James, but what if you change your mind? What if you find someone else to like this much?”

James scoffs. “There’s no one else. Only you.” His forehead presses against yours and his eyes close.

“You’re it for me,” he says and you gasp.

“James,” he cuts you off.

“I mean it.” He pulls away for a moment. “Can I kiss you now? You’re wearing that cheery lip balm that messes with me head.”

“You don’t have to kiss me because you feel sorry for me.“

James groans, long and drawn. “Baby, you gotta get that mess outta your head. I’m not kissing you because I feel sorry for you. I’ll never kiss you because I feel sorry for you. I’m kissing you because I like you, yeah?”

James waits for your soft, ‘yeah’ and then melds your lips together.

[starwarned]

Inhale

my little entry for @aftg-420-fest !! <3

andreil, 1k words, rated T

summary:

“Want any?” Andrew asks, but he’s not holding out the joint anymore. The next inhale that Andrew takes, he holds for only a few seconds before releasing, the smoke brushing past Neil’s cheek. Neil blinks at the sudden onslaught and he catches on to what Andrew is offering.

read it on ao3 or literally right here!

Inhale

A soft flick of metal striking makes Neil look up.

For a split, panicked second, the sound reminds Neil of a cigarette lighter and the passenger seat of a police car. Before that old terror can take hold, Neil’s gaze catches on Andrew’s face.

His pulse steadies.

Andrew flicks the lighter again and takes a slow drag from the joint he has tucked gently between two fingers on his left hand. Neil’s brain gets stuck on Andrew’s familiar fingers for longer than strictly necessary, but he manages to pry his attention back to Andrew’s eyes.

Judging by the look Andrew is giving him — something unsurprised and almost smug — Neil was obvious in his distraction.

“Staring,” Andrew says, and then takes another, smaller hit, inhaling deeply before releasing the smoke into the air above Neil’s head.

They’re on the roof, and the sun is setting, and Neil likes this so much. He tucks his hands behind his back, officially bidding goodbye to his textbook that’s open on the ground in front of him. He and Andrew have been occasionally coming up here on weekends for hours at a time, now that it’s warm enough to do so. Andrew was a bit smarter for the long term with his pants and orange hoodie, but Neil is perfectly content in running shorts and a long sleeve. He’s sitting in an easy stretch on the blanket that Andrew had brought up with them, his foot a few inches away from Andrew’s.

He pokes Andrew with his socked toes.

“Know what year the War of 1812 was yet?” Andrew asks in retaliation.

Neil doesn’t answer but shuts his textbook, shoves it off to the side, and then scoots in closer.

Andrew holds out the joint in offering, but Neil doesn’t take it. He has smoked with Andrew a few times since Andrew and Aaron picked it up, and doesn’t mind it when they do with more regularity, but he hasn’t really gotten the hang of it yet.

When Neil scoots in even closer, Andrew tucks his legs in so he’s cross-legged between Neil’s outstretched legs. Neil tucks one up and Andrew’s hand immediately goes to his knee, softly running his fingers over Neil’s skin, tracing the shape of his kneecap.

“Want any?” Andrew asks, but he’s not holding out the joint anymore. The next inhale that Andrew takes, he holds for only a few seconds before releasing, the smoke brushing past Neil’s cheek. Neil blinks at the sudden onslaught and he catches on to what Andrew is offering.

He shrugs, and then eyes Andrew’s mouth, where he’s already drawing the joint back to his lips. Andrew wraps his mouth around the filter, and then inhales, his cheeks bowing in with the movement, and Neil doesn’t bother to hide his staring again.

“Andrew,” Neil says.

Lifting his hand from Neil’s knee, Andrew tucks it under Neil’s chin, and draws him close. He squeezes just enough that Neil’s mouth falls open slightly.

His mouth barely an inch away from Neil’s now, Andrew exhales the smoke. Neil doesn’t have to move. He just inhales, sucking in softly, and letting his eyes shut at the feeling of the smoke entering his lungs. It’s easier this way, and Neil hums softly as he lets out the breath.

“More?” Andrew asks, and his voice is low and soft. Neil tries not to get turned on by it. (He fails supremely.)

“Yes,” he says, and Andrew takes another hit, adjusting his hand so he can slide two fingers under Neil’s chin, and pull him in again. This time, Andrew’s lips brush against Neil’s as he exhales and Neil has to focus in order to inhale properly.

Neil has to turn away to exhale and Andrew drops a kiss against the shell of Neil’s ear. Neil turns back to him, and they’re barely a breath apart.

Then Andrew’s mouth is on his, a whispered, “Yes or no?” tucked against his lips. Neil’s responding “Yes” is muffled, but clearly received.

The effect of the weed isn’t immediate, but Andrew’s mouth is, and insistently so. Andrew kisses Neil with an intensity that never fails to absolutely floor him.

They kiss with fervor that only slows slightly as the weed kicks in. It’s barely a buzz in Neil’s skin, just weighing him down, settling his brain a bit. He bites down on Andrew’s lip and then sucks on it, grinning when Andrew inhales sharply. When Neil pulls back just a bit, he finds Andrew’s stare and stifles a smile at how high he looks already — mouth soft, eyes hooded, gaze easy.

“Done?” Andrew asks, holding up the joint, which has long gone out, but could be relit if Neil wanted it. He doesn’t, so he shakes his head. The joint gets dropped unceremoniously on top of Neil’s textbook.

Wind whips across the rooftop, sudden and stinging cold. Neil’s exposed legs get the brunt of it and he shivers, but the gust is short-lived. With the sun this low to the horizon, it is colder than when they first retired to the roof. Neil scoots in closer to Andrew, and Andrew completes the move by gripping Neil around the waist and tugging him up into his lap. Neil wraps his legs lazily around Andrew’s hips.

“Andrew,” he murmurs, face pressed into his hair.

Andrew doesn’t say anything and sets his mouth against Neil’s neck, leaving a kiss there and then tilting his head to run his nose along the same spot.

“Andrew,” Neil says again, and it’s a sigh this time. Barely there, whipped away in the next harsh breeze.

“Don’t fall asleep.”

“Stop being so comfortable,” Neil mumbles.

Not rising to the comment, Andrew tucks his face fully into Neil’s neck and rests more of his weight on him.

It’s not Neil’s fault that he falls asleep a little bit. It’s not his fault that he never feels safer than he does in Andrew’s hold.

Andrew doesn’t call him on it. He just holds him. Neil trusts Andrew to take his weight, to hold him there.

Neil trusts Andrew to wake him up if he’s going to smoke more.

[sugurusdiscordmoderator]

Gamer Girly - part 2

link to part one • link to master list

cw: alcohol, bisexualness, idk me being half gay

MDNI 18+

not proof read, literally wrote this bc of my insomnia and not being able to sleep tonight

You and Geto texted to plan a FaceTime call in a few days as it worked for his schedule and you were beyond nervous. Even going as far as using your whitening strips and getting your eyebrows done. You planned it for Thursday evening, a time after Geto’s stream was over, before you, Utahime, and Haibara were about to go out to bars for Thirsty Thursday with your fake ID’s. You did your makeup and hair while listening to the squads stream rehearsing in your head what you think Geto would say. You picked out a black crop top and a short denim skirt to wear paired with your vans. As they wrapped up their stream you started feeling anxious and took a shot of a vodka mini bottle you had lying around your apartment to calm some nerves. As you swallow some orange juice as a chaser your phone buzzes from your desk.

‘hey just wrapped up, let me know when you’re free and I’ll shoot you a call. :)’

god texting him felt like you were flirting in high school all over again like a giddy innocent girl.

you set your macbook up on your desk so you could have a better view of him for the FaceTime.

‘sure, ready whenever you are!’ You respond.

Your anticipation leads to sweaty palms and sipping a white claw that was left in your fridge at some point as you pace around your bedroom, making sure everything in the background is okay.

your ringtone from your laptop goes off rather loud and you quickly sit at your desk but don’t press the answer button too soon. The 10 seconds it takes the call to load seems like years as you bounce your leg under your desk.

“hey!” You both speak at the same exact time, as you nervously giggle.

“How are you?” Comes out of both your mouths at the same time again.

“I’m sorry, you first,” you say as he chuckles with his eyes squinted close in the most precious way.

“I’m great, happy to be done streaming for the night and getting ready to go out with some friends, how about you?”

“I’m also going out with some friends for once! We don’t go to bars a whole lot but wanted to try one tonight. Other than that great now that I actually get to speak with you,” you admit, blushing.

“Yeah about that, this moderator thing is pretty easy, mainly the thing you have to watch out for on my discord is people sexualizing Shoko. She’s started to get butthurt about how she’s ‘more than a pretty face’” he rolls his eyes sarcastically.

“Oh yeah of course…” you pause, “are you guys like dating or…?” You close your eyes not believing you just fucking asked that.

“Oh no no, she’s been Satoru and I’s best friend all through high school. We taught her to play and she has pretty much gotten better than us.”

“Satoru?”

“Oh sorry yes that is Gojo’s first name, we all go by our last names on the stream.”

“Oh yeah okay, makes sense,” you glance over at the notepad sitting next to your laptop wondering if you should be taking notes.

“I have to admit there’s not really a whole lot that goes into it, I just wanted to see you over FaceTime.” He grins, lighting up a blunt and casually looking at his screen to see your reaction.

He can’t be flirting with you…right? You decide to take the ball in your court, “well what can I say, I’m only one of your most devoted fans,” winking at him and hoping you don’t seem too lame.

He chuckles, taking a long puff of his blunt and passing it to someone off the screen.

You dare to ask, “also sorry if this is too personal to ask so soon, but I saw your area code is close to where I go to college, can I ask where you’re from?”

He looks like his brain is trying to fit pieces together for a moment, looking up at the person he passed the blunt to. “Uh, yeah I’m from Shibuya and I go to university here.”

Your jaw drops, “like University of Shibuya?”

“Yeah, are you familiar with it?” He asks.

“I’m a junior here! I had no idea you guys were from around here or went to the same school!”

You hear Gojo in the back whisper “oh my fucking god”

Suguru shoots daggers at Gojo, still off screen, and doesn’t know what to say.

“We don’t have to meet up or anything if you’re uncomfortable with it! We can just pretend like we didn’t talk about this,” you blush nervously thinking he was put off by something you said.

“No, no, I mean it would be great either way. Just was a little surprising that’s all.” He responds, no longer looking around for Gojo, just focusing on you on his screen.

“Yeah well I’ll promote you to a moderator tonight and have the other mod text you to kinda explain the situation.” The dark haired mystery man smiles awkwardly scratching the back of his neck. “Oh and the pay, uh how does $20 per hour sound?”

“Yeah sure whatever you’re willing to pay I’ll take it!” you say almost too eagerly. You knew mods got paid kind of well but you didn’t know it was this good. If he streams 7 days a week for 2 hours, that’s already $280 a week. Plus the time you spend in discord on the chats.

“Okay well I’ll be in touch…” he trails off and you can’t tell if he’s either high or just uninterested in your conversation. (In reality Gojo had a girl sitting on his lap sucking his face off and Suguru was trying to decide if he was disgusted or turned on)

“Yeah, thank you for picking me! Look forward to talking with you,” you say hoping he’s not regretting his choices noting that he got a little awkward after the talk about being local arose.

“Yeah, see ya,” he says too casually with hardly a hint of a smile on his face. You click the ‘end call’ button and sigh. It seems like this unobtainable crush you had on suguru for the past 9 months was still just that. Why had you never seen him around town or campus? Granted, it was a really big school and everything but never once had you seen him, by god you would remember that face.

You snap out of your trance back to your white claw and scroll to find your texts with Utahime while you down the can

‘your place in 10?’ you text her.

‘Yes, sorry kinda last minute but some of haibara and i’s other friends are going to come too’ she texts back and you groan, not in the mood to meet new people.

The thought of having to be social enough to go to the bar was anxiety inducing, but now having to actually meet people before you’re drunk? You grab two more of the mini bottles of vodka you have in your freezer downing one and shoving the other in your pocket for when you get to Utahime’s apartment.

You walk into her unlocked flat without knocking, being too in your head from the FaceTime call and what it meant. Utahime is sitting on the counter, Haibara between her legs as they are making out passionately. Her arms wrapped around his neck, legs spread in her skirt so Haibara (and you) can see her turquoise panties.

“Oh I’m sorry,” you giggle staring at the scene in front of you. “I thought you were expecting me.”

Utahime, obviously embarrassed jumps down from the counter acting like nothing happened and walks over to give you a hug. Wearing a blue skirt, white shirt, and red bow in her hair she looks as cutely innocent as ever. You looked about as opposite as her as possible with your ripped denim skirt, black crop top revealing your cleavage just perfectly, and black and white checkered vans.

“How did the call go?” She asks as Haibara excuses himself to the bathroom trying, but failing, to hide his boner from their make out session.

“Great but I have news about like the four of them -“ you’re cut off by a knock at the apartment door.

In walks a girl with white hair, a black button up black mini skirt, with knee high socks. She was accompanied by two average looking men, obviously whipped by her aura.

“Mei Mei!” Utahime runs over to her and gives her a hug. You’re a little taken aback by the warm welcome this new girl received versus your very awkward one. Well I guess that’s what you get for not knocking.

Haibara comes out of the bathroom looking like he just splashed cold water on his face and neck, “Bayer, Kokun, good to see you.” Walking up to them to dab them up.

You take this opportunity to down the mini bottle in your pocket and take a sip of Utahime’s sprite she left sitting on the counter. Sheeeeesh, three mini bottles and a white claw in before you even leave for the bar? You’re feeling pretty good and confident. Walking in on the couple’s make out session made you realize how long it had been since you got any action. Besides your vibrator working over time, usually after Geto’s streams.

You force yourself out of your thoughts and walk up to the trio chit chatting with the couple and introduce yourself. “Hey I’m y/n” and extend your hand to shake.

“Nice to meet you, y/n, Utahime has told me a lot about you.” Mei Mei says in her naturally sultry voice. Your eyes nervously look at Utahime, consider she had never mentioned this attractive white haired woman to you before.

“We’re new friends, she just moved in down the hallway and these two guys helped her move in.” Utahime says reading your mind.

“Ah nice to meet you, I’m just a few floors up if you ever need anything.” You respond.

“All we’re missing is Yuki right?” Mei Mei asks as she directs her attention to Utahime.

“Yeah but who knows if she’ll show up. I’ll text her to just meet us at the bar.”

-

With that, the group heads out to go to one of the dive bars in the city, a little place with karaoke on Thursdays. Supposedly Mei Mei knows the bouncer quite well, walking up first in the crowd to whisper something in his ear, finger trailing down his chest. You’re not sure what she said to him, only that his cheeks turned red and he let the 5 of you in without checking your IDs at all. From what you heard this place didn’t let fakes in very easily so you wonder what could have bribed that man. You grab a high top table in the back near the pool tables with Utahime and Mei Mei as the 3 boys go to grab you drinks.

“Can we sing a girls song together?” You propose to the two.

“Y/n are you drunk already? You’d never suggest that sober.” Utahime raises her eyebrows at you.

“How about the spice girls?” You ask ignoring her question. Mei Mei nods with a slight smirk. As you go up to put your name on a slip of paper the boys come back with the drinks. The DJ winks at you and you immediately regret your decision.

A few songs later and it seems your drink is gone, listening to the boys talk about sports and video games, as the two girls chat about their one annoying neighbor on their floor that has the loudest sex imaginable.

You walk up to the bar and stand patiently next to a tall beautiful blonde woman.. you try not to stare as the bartender comes over to her and asks her order. “I’ll take a whiskey and ginger ale, and whatever this girl is having.” She smirks pointing her thumb over to you. “Vodka cran please,” you squeak out to the bartender, nervously smiling at her.

The man goes to make the drinks as she sticks out her hand, “Hi pretty, I’m Yuki.”

“Oh you’re Yuki! Friends with Mei Mei and Utahime?” You stumble out the words remembering her name from earlier.

“Sorry, I’m y/n. I’m here with them tonight, I can take you to them if you’d like?”

Yuki leaves her card with the bartender and hands you your drink. “After you,” she smiles taking the first sip of her drink looking you up and down smugly. You grab her free hand with her vape in it and weave from the bar back to the table you all had claimed.

“I found someone you guys may know?” You shyly interject trying to be funny. The whole group erupts into various versions of “Yuki! Oh my god so good to see you!” She props herself up on the last open barstool at the table. Baggy red cargo pants and a black crop top, no bra with nipple piercings pretty obvious. She catches you staring and nods her head in a “come here” kind of way.

“So what’s your type?” She asks.

“Uh what?” You question back.

“What’s your type of woman?…or man I guess.” She eyes you up and down as if trying to determine your sexuality.

“Uh… I like long hair? And someone who can have a good time?” You’ve never had to answer that question on the spot so you think your answer was decent enough.

She lets out a chuckle and takes another sip of her drink. “So you’re not playing for a single side I’m hearing.” She smirks and puts her arm around your shoulder.

“Yeah I guess not” you smile back realizing how close your faces are.

Just then the DJ announces the next karaoke names, “y/n, Utahime and Mei Mei are going to sing us Wannabe by the Spice Girls!”

“y/nnnn” a tipsy Utahime grabs your hand and starts rushing you three to the stage. One thing you forgot about this place is you have to take a shot before singing. You three take your shots of what tastes like battery acid, stinging going down and trying not to think about it as the music starts.

The 90s classic song gets ever girl in the bar singing and dancing at the edge of the stage and you see Haibara behind the crowd video taping your performance.

Your words are starting to slur slightly and you are just having a great time feeling like a pop star. You swear up in the balcony of the bar you see a white head of hair jamming out and screaming the words but hey everyone’s having a good time!

The song comes to a close and the three of you get escorted off stage. You split from the two and say “I’m going to step outside to smoke for a second,” as you do when you drink.

You walk up to the back door of the bar and as you go to push, you feel someone else pull. With the alcohol in your system, your reaction time is a little delayed. Before you know it you are falling forward towards the gravel with your arms out.

“Oh Jesus Christ” you mumble out assessing the damage while you sit up so you are on your knees. Only a few scrapes as the person on the other side of the door comes up to you and puts a hand on your back.

“Oh my god are you okay I’m sorry,” you hear a familiar voice. Too familiar.

You turn around to meet amber eyes inches from your face.

“Geto?” Your jaw drops.

—

A/N I had to go through my archives to see what someone would wear to a bar in 2018 😭 and look up a discord mods hourly pay on google 😭 also had a bi panic moment w Yuki and Utahime and MeiMei as usual if you can’t tell

[sarahowritesostucky]

📖"The Taste of You"

Rating: Explicit

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Bucky Barnes

Word Count: 3606

Tags: Fresh AU, dark rom-com, dark!Bucky, pre-serum Steve, cannibalism, kidnapping, yandere/basement wife, meet cute-ish, gay sex n' stuff, dub-con bordering on non-con, ignoring of sexual boundaries

Summary: Steve is so tired of the meat market that modern dating has become. Just when he's deleted all the apps and given up on ever finding Mr. Right, he meets the perfect guy at the grocery store.

A dark, cute, funny, fucked up, and very tasty love story.

It's a Fresh AU. "If you can't handle the cannibalism, get out of the kitchen"--or something like that

5. Specially Sourced

In the morning, James rises early. The sun’s not even really up yet, the bedroom still cloaked in lingering dimness.

“Time’sit?” Steve slurs, half sitting up in the bed.

But James kisses his eyes closed and tells him gently to go back to bed. “I’m going for a jog. Stay here. I’ll wake you up when I get back.”

Steve mumbles something half heartedly and promptly falls back to sleep.

When he wakes next, James has already showered and is coming out from the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his narrow hips. Steve smirks at the view. “C’mere,” he says, not satisfied until he’s got James in the bed and in his mouth. He sucks him off lazily until James gives this really quiet moan and jerks, spurting against Steve's tongue. He swallows it all down, then crawls back up in the bed and drapes himself along James’ side. “Hey you.”

“Hey.”

“... Hey.”

They smile tenderly at one another, then kiss. James reaches to brush the fringe aside at Steve’s temple. “Who is this in my bed?” he wonders softly. “And what’d I do to deserve him?”

“I’m Morning Steve. And you fucked my brains out last night, Sir.”

James laughs, the corners of his eyes crinkling. “Well hello, Morning Steve.” He pulls Steve on top of him and pecks another kiss to his mouth, then another. “I think I like 'Morning Steve',” he rumbles, hands squeezing at Steve’s waist. “Think I’ll chain Morning Steve up in my basement, keep him around.”

Steve giggles while James growls and attacks his neck. "No! Please don't!"

The attack peters out, and then James is placing a series of slow kisses against his throat and collarbones. “Now, tell me how you feel.”

“How I feel?”

"Mm. After last night,” he murmurs. “How are you, physically?”

Oh. Steve blushes as James looks right at him, waiting for an answer. Nobody has ever asked Steve how he is, after a night of sex. It has literally never happened. Half the time he'll be lucky if the guy is even there when he wakes up. Steve smiles, feeling warm and special from James' attention. “Hmm," he pretends to think, then says coyly, "Well, I feel really ... happy,” He pecks a kiss to James’ right cheek. “And really … satisfied,” his left cheek, “and … a little sore.” The tip of his nose.

James' eyes shadow in concern. “Yeah?”

“Hey. Not like, bad sore. Just enough to remind me what I was using my ass for last night.” He chuckles, but when James still looks concerned, Steve kisses him again, this time right on the lips to show him it’s okay. “It’s just been a while for me. I really do prefer to receive but,” he shrugs. “Ya know. Just have to get used to it again. I bet I’ll be all better by tonight.”

James tuts in displeasure. “I’m not fucking you when you’re still feeling it, Honey.”

“But–”

“But nothing. Nobody does anal every day. Your body needs a rest.”

“Hm.” Steve pushes James to lie back, then sinks downs, rubbing his cheek against the hard planes of his incredible body as he goes. He lays his head down on James' stomach and idly traces the lines of his abs. “You’re nice, you know. Caring about me.”

James rumbles low in his chest. “That shouldn’t be a novelty.” He cards his fingers through Steve’s hair. “I don’t think enough people have cared about you the way they should have, Little man. And I don’t like that.”

Little man. Steve kind of likes that one. He kisses back up James’ body, folds his arms atop his pecs and then rests his chin there. “You’re sweet," murmurs. "A real good guy. Y'know that?"

"Mmm. You don't know I'm good. I could be a serial killer for all you know."

Steve giggles. "Naw. You're not. You're nice. I can tell."

James smiles and pinches his chin, soft and affectionate. “If you say so.”

“What’s through there?” Steve asks when they’re in the kitchen and James is gathering things to make breakfast

He looks over and follows Steve’s sightline. “Oh,” he says, immediately going back to digging through the pantry. “That just goes to the basement.”

“What’s in the basement?”

"My secret sex dungeon," James drawls, and Steve snickers.

"No, really."

James doesn’t seem very keen on answering. Eventually when Steve repeats himself, he sighs and recites, “Water heater and electrical. Stuff in storage. It’s pretty dank down there to be honest. I have a little workspace set up, but I always try to disconnect when I'm out here, so I only go down to send the occasional email when I gotta make sure they’re not fucking everything up at the practice while I’m away.”

“Oh.” Steve doesn’t think twice about it. He’s not sure that he would put a home office down in a dank basement, but to each his own. “So … you have a private practice in the city? Are there other doctors there?”

“... Um, yeah a couple.”

“Wow. Cool. So do you see mostly—”

“Aha!” James pulls his head out of the pantry and grins triumphantly. “I knew I had pancake mix!”

Steve abandons his line of questioning. James is probably used to being preyed on in the dating market just because he’s a doctor, after all. Steve doesn’t want him to think he’s interested in him just for his money. “Great!” he chirps. “How can I help?”

They cook a big breakfast of pancakes and eggs and toast. Steve kind of mourns the absence of bacon, but he doesn’t say so. He slices up an avocado from the bowl on the kitchen counter and divides the flesh up between the two of them. “Voila. Avocado toast.”

“Knew you were a hipster,” James teases, pointing the spatula accusingly at Steve and then flipping another pancake. “So, what do you wanna do today?”

Steve hums and thinks about it. They’re only away for the weekend, today and tomorrow. Then it’ll have to be back to the real world. “Honestly? I could just be lazy here all day with you and I’d love it. We could cook dinner and watch something. Do you have Netflix or Hulu or … oh!” Suddenly, he remembers his phone, and Clint. “Shit.”

“What?”

He winces. “I forgot I was supposed to text my friend Clint to tell him we got here safely.”

James snickers. “You mean he wants you to text so he knows you’re not serial murdered yet?”

“Well, that too.” Steve realizes that he hasn’t had his phone on him since yesterday. “Oh wow. Huh.”

“What?”

“Oh, nothing. I just realized that I haven’t used my phone since we got here.” He chuckles. “We just talked so much, and then there was the hot tub,”

“—And then the boning,”

“—that I didn’t even think of reaching for it.” He frowns. “Wow. Weird.”

“Super weird. It’s almost like we enjoy each other or something.”

Steve laughs. “Yeah, I just might be getting attached to you.”

James slides the last pancake off the griddle. “That’s good news, since we decided I’m your boyfriend and all.”

Oh. Steve’s heart does a happy little kick in his chest, and he fights not to squirm. Instead he goes into the living room to dig his phone out of his bag. “... Hm, no bars. Shit.”

“Oh yeah. I forgot to mention that reception is shit out here.” James comes over with their plates, heaped with breakfast food. “It’s kind of hit or miss, unfortunately.”

“Yeah,” Steve mutters. “Hm. Maybe if I step outside …”

“Don’t bother. It’s no better out there.”

“Oh.”

James smiles like a loon and pushes Steve’s plate across the coffee table. “Eat up, while they’re still hot!”

“...I thought you didn’t eat meat?” Steve says, peering into the fridge.

“I don’t. Why—Oh.” James has come up behind him and can see what Steve’s looking at. “Um, you know my sister and her family came up a few weeks ago. I guess they must've left that behind.”

Steve wrinkles his nose. “Gross. Must be rancid by now.”

“Uhm …” James watches him closely as Steve pulls the Tupperware out of the fridge and takes it over to the sink. “What are you doing?”

“You have a garbage disposal, right?”

“... Yeah”

Steve turns the faucet on and opens the tupperware. “What even is this?” he asks. He looks to James for an answer as he’s dumping the meat down the sink, but James’ eyes are fixed solely on the drain. He looks near-pained. “What?” Steve asks. “You said it was old, right?”

James clears his throat and looks away. “Yeah. Old. Worthless.”

There’s something in James’ expression that Steve can’t quite tease out, but he figures it’s just his reaction to seeing raw meat. The man is a vegetarian, after all. “So what are we gonna cook for dinner?” Steve asks.

They decide that they’re going to give The Hunger Games franchise a serious go. (“No I've never seen it either. But how bad can it be if Jennifer Lawrence is in it?”)

First, they cook dinner.

“Put me to work,” Steve insists. “I’m teachable.”

James smirks and points a knife at him. “I’ll be the judge of that.” He gives him a bunch of vegetables and a cutting board, then hands over the knife. “Be careful with that. I keep ‘em super sharp.”

“Right.” Steve chooses a leek to chop first while James starts in on making a ‘bechamel’—whatever the hell that is. “You know, it’s kind of sexy that you can cook,” Steve says.

“Oh yeah?” James shoots him a sly grin. “You should see me workin' a good filet.”

“Filet?”

He shrugs, eyes averted. “I do prepare meat sometimes. I cook for other people from time to time.”

“Oh.” Steve thinks about that. “So … you wouldn’t care if I ate meat around you?”

James snorts and shakes his head. “Absolutely not.”

Steve does wind up cutting himself on the extremely sharp knife.

“Ow! Fuck. Fucking potatoes …” James is at his side immediately. He takes his hand to inspect it. “It’s fine, really,” Steve insists.

James is frowning at the cut though. “It won’t need stitches,” he decides, but he does lift Steve’s hand and sucks his finger into his mouth.

“What the fuck?” Steve gasps. James’ eyes flick up to meet his, and Steve is mesmerized for a second. Then he remembers himself and pulls his hand back, giving a shaky laugh. “Okay, Dr. Lector.”

James stares at him. “You have to be more careful. You could’ve lost a finger.”

“Yeah, well.”

James’ gaze slides over to the cutting board and the half-cut potato. “Come on,” he says. “First aid kit’s in the bathroom.”

When the first Hunger Games movie is over, they return to the kitchen to scoop themselves some ice cream. “You know I actually liked it. The themes were a little heavy handed, but the acting was decent.”

“Yeah,” Steve agrees, pulling open the freezer drawer. “I googled the general premise of the next one. Um, okay. Looks like you’ve got vanilla, Moose Tracks and …” He notices another piece of meat in a plastic bag, sitting right next to the carton of Rocky Road. “... Rocky Road,” he finishes quietly.

“Oh, Vanilla all the way,” James says, coming over with bowls and spoons. “I’m a purist.”

“There’s steak in here, too,” Steve says.

“Really? Oh.” James is peering down into the freezer drawer. “Right. That’s actually a rump roast.”

Steve raises an eyebrow. “You sure you don’t eat meat?” He grabs the containers of vanilla and Moose Tracks, sliding the freezer drawer closed.

“Well … that’s the thing,” James hedges as he starts scooping each of them a bowl. “I kinda do eat meat, only I’m really picky about it.”

“Oh?” Steve takes his bowl with a quiet ‘thank you’, and they go back to sit on the couch. “Picky how? Like organic and no antibiotics and stuff?”

“Yeah, kind of,” James evades. “I guess you could say that I source it from a specialty supplier.”

That makes sense. Steve hadn’t thought the packaging looked like typical grocery store packaging. “Well,” he suggests brightly. “If it’s a roast, why don’t we have it for dinner tomorrow night?”

James looks pained as he shoves a big spoonful of ice cream into his mouth. “I’m not sure it’d be to your taste,” he hedges, eyeing Steve up and down. “It’s kind of my own special thing. And it’s really expensive, so …”

Steve frowns, not understanding James’ reluctance. “Oh,” he says. “Well … okay. I guess.”

“Sorry,” James says quickly. “I’m just not sure you’re ready for it yet.”

“What?”

“Here.” He leans over and grabs the remote to bring up the next Hunger Games movie, then pushes play and shoves more ice cream into his mouth. “I’m actually kind of looking forward to it now, aren’t you?”

“... Yeah,” Steve says, still confused about James feeling the need to lie about something so stupid as being an expensive-meat-atarian. “Yeah. It should be good.”

James is distant for the rest of the night, not engaging in the same easy banter as Steve has gotten used to. They make it through Catching Fire and Mockingjay Part 1, before Steve can’t stop yawning and they both admit defeat. They agree to turn in for the night.

In bed, James snuggles him close but doesn’t make a move to initiate anything, so Steve takes a deep breath and reaches down to fondle him through his pajama pants. “Why aren’t you naked?” he purrs, brushing his lips against the corner of James’ mouth in a light kiss. “You got quiet at the end of the movie.”

“Mm. Sorry. Was just in my thoughts, I guess.” James is lying on his back with Steve draped along his side. He sighs as Steve continues to palm him softly. “That feels nice.”

“Yeah?” Steve asks, stroking a little more purposefully over the fabric. “I want to play with it,” he confesses, “Can I?”

James’ mouth curves up in a lazy smile. “Yeah. Go ahead.”

Steve bites his lip and looks down. “Let’s get these off of you.” He curls his fingers over James’ waistband and pulls. He chucks the pajama pants away and straddles his legs. Slyly, he collects one, and then both of James’ hands and brings them up to rest on the pillow by his head. “Keep ‘em there,” he bosses, giving his wrists a playful squeeze before sitting back again.

“Sir, yessir,” James murmurs, watching him with heated, amused eyes. His cock has filled out more, and it lies, fattened up and half hard, against the taught skin of his lower belly. Steve sighs at how beautiful it all is. “You could do porn,” he tells him dreamily, trailing a finger along the underside of his cock and watching how it makes him twitch. “With a body like this.”

“I only share my body with one person at a time,” James says softly, and when Steve looks up, his eyes are boring into Steve seriously. “And right now? That’s all you, Baby.”

Steve flushes. “Mm. I like that.” James makes a sound of agreement, but it cuts off into a light gasp as Steve suddenly wraps his fingers around his cock and squeezes.

“Steve,”

Steve hums. He gives a few strokes, fist loose around the not-quite-fully-hard length of him. He watches raptly as it gets bigger and the glans starts to peek past the foreskin, pink and shiny with precum. It looks so … delicate, Steve thinks. So sensitive. He spares a glance down at his own dick, which is showing interest by now—and which is also very circumcised. “So … do you use lube when you jerk off?” he wonders aloud, which makes James laugh. Steve huffs and smacks him on his inner thigh. “What? Shuddup! It’s a valid question.”

“Yeah, I know, I know," James snickers. "You’re just cute, is all. And no: I don’t need lube. That’s what this is for.” He takes his dick in hand and strokes at the tip, his foreskin gliding smoothly over the head. “Built-in fleshlight, Honey.”

It really does look like it must feel good. Steve bites his lip as he watches, arousal pooling heavier in his belly at seeing James touch himself. “Hmm.”

“No offense, but nobody shoulda touched yours without asking permission first,” James says, surprising Steve. “There’s no part of our bodies that’s just meant to be chopped off.”

Steve hums, not liking the topic. “Hmm. Maybe don’t say ‘chopped off’ when we’ve got our dicks out, huh?” He knees up higher on James’ body, putting them side by side and comparing. James is bigger by a little, but Steve is nothing to scoff at either, especially compared to his small stature. He taps his dick against James' with a falsely reproachful look. “You saying you don’t like my dick, James?”

“I love every part of you, Honey. You gotta know that by now.”

Steve's heart flutters. There he goes again, he thinks, turning something lighthearted into something meaningful. He's so intense. Steve's gonna be totally gone for him in no time, if he isn't careful. "Every part?"

James’ hands slide over the tops of his thighs, thumbs notching in at his hip bones. “Yes. The things I want to do to this little body.” He exhales slowly and licks his lips. “Baby, you don’t even know.”

Steve squirms, keenly aware of himself. “... Y-you moved your hands,” he says, though it comes out sounding anything but scolding.

“Oh I’m sorry, was that a rule?” James smirks and tucks his arms up above his head again, obedient. “Lube’s in the drawer,” he tells him quietly. “Why don’t you get your hands real wet and stroke us off together, huh? I'd like to see that.”

Steve exhales shakily, more blood rushing south. “Yeah,” he says. “Yeah, me too.”

Once he’s got the lube all over his hand he can barely hold them both at the same time. He winds up using two hands for awhile, stroking tight and slow, smearing the lube around until they’re both shiny and messy with it.

“Fuck ...” James breathes, watching their cockheads come through the tight grasp of Steve's hands again and again. “Look'it that.”

Steve lets James’ cock fall heavy onto his stomach, and spends a few minutes alternating between them, never giving more than a few strokes before switching again. It’s deliciously frustrating, but James watches with heavy lidded eyes and lets Steve do what he wants for a long while.

“Both hands,” he eventually whispers, and, shakily, Steve obeys. “Jesus wept.”

It’s better this way. He can go harder, faster, can push the heads of their cocks together with more pressure. “F-uck,” he whines, when James’ dick blurts out a bunch of precum and it gets all over both of them. God, it's beautiful. “Fuck, ffuck ...”

“Stevie, c’mere.” James pulls him down into a kiss, doesn’t stop pulling until he’s got Steve lying out flat atop him, their cocks trapped between their bellies. Steve moans into his mouth and ruts down against him, slippery and wet. James groans and grabs at his ass and pulls, rolls his tongue into Steve’s mouth while Steve ruts against him. “Baby,” he breathes. “Fuck, Steve.”

Next thing Steve knows, it’s James’ hand down there, gripping the both of them together. “Shit,” he whimpers, breathing right against James’ mouth.

James is panting up at him, eyes locked on Steve's face. “Sorry I moved my hands.”

Steve laughs shakily. “It’s okay. F-fuck.”

“Go on,” James says, and his fist tightens in place. “Move.”

Steve groans and nods, moving his hips to get his cock pulling through the tight clutch of James’ hand. He squeezes his eyes closed and presses his forehead down against James’ shoulder. “You feel so good,” he breathes, his pleasure ratcheting up higher and higher.

James is moving too, rocking his hips in tandem to Steve. He’s got his other arm wrapped around Steve’s back, holding him close. The feeling of their dicks rubbing together is amazing, squeezed so tight in James’ big hand. It’s fucking erotic as hell, has Steve’s balls pulling up close to his body, wanting to spill. “James,” he gasps. “Oh ... I’m gonna cum. I’m gonna—”

“Me too,” James grunts, working his hand faster, tighter, right at the heads of their dicks. “Ugn, shit.”

Steve comes first. ... He thinks.

It’s kinda hard to tell when it’s all said and done, the both of them left panting against each other, sweaty, their combined release smeared between their bellies. James growls and wraps both arms around him, holding him close as they recover. “Fuck,” he huffs, petting Steve’s back. “Oh. I love you.”

Steve very firmly decides not to worry about it. People say all kinds of shit when their brains are half-melted from orgasm, after all. He only has to worry about it if James starts saying it regularly.

Because Steve is … He’s not ‘in-love’ with James. He loves a lot of things about him, loves spending time with him, loves fucking him, but he's almost 100% positive that he is not in love with him.

It's too soon. He’s only known the guy for a little over two weeks, and Steve has high hopes for where this relationship could go. He’s not about to ruin that by falling in love with the guy on week three. Jeez.

James wakes early in the morning once again, kissing Steve on the shoulder and pressing him back down into the sheets when he stirs, just like before. “Going for my run,” he whispers. “I’ll wake you up when I get back.”

“Mmh, with a blowjob,” Steve agrees, smiling against the pillow.

James chuckles and leaves the room. Steve hears the front door open and close faintly in the distance. “Mm.” He smacks his lips and rolls over, blinking sleepily up at the bedroom ceiling. A glance to the bedside clock tells him that it’s 5:15. “Fuck, no.” He scowls at his boyfriend’s unnatural habits. "He's crazy."

He tries to fall back asleep, but it quickly becomes apparent that that’s not going to happen. He feels wide awake. “Fuck,” he mutters again, then gets up to shuck some boxers and a tee shirt on so he can go putz around in the kitchen, hopefully make coffee.

The early morning makes itself known more readily out in the main living area, a dreary amount of twilight coming in through the kitchen windows and skylights. Steve does indeed find the coffee machine, but it’s far too convoluted for him to figure out. He grumps at it and tells it to fuck off, which is stupid. It’s not the machine’s fault that Steve’s IQ is a legit 15 points lower in the mornings. He finds a kettle instead and puts water on to boil.

It’s as he’s waiting for the water to heat that he notices it: The door just down the hall is open by a crack. Steve squints at it, remembering how Bucky had told him that it went down to the basement. “Huh.” He walks over, intending to close it, but when he wraps his hand around the knob he winds up pulling it open just a bit to take a peek, first.

“... The fuck?” He says softly. There’s this, like, zen, modern staircase that curves down. Stylish, fancy. Definitely not 'dank' like James had described. Big, carved rocks and aesthetic lowlighting line the walls as the staircase descends in an ominous spiral, out of sight.

Frowning, Steve pushes the door all the way open ... and steps through.

Story Masterlist

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[sorryimananti-romantic]

i read your reblog last night right before bed and i really shouldn't have because i couldn't fall asleep because of how damn giddy it had me like skjkdjjd kicking my feet with the biggest dorkiest smile on my face like this is MY WIFE FRFR we're 🤞😤🔐

i can't believe light was inspired by the absolute bread crumbs that i threw into your ask box like i had to go back and read what you could have even taken from that lmao 💀💀 what's crazy is that i remember being 🤏 so close to adding light to my favorite ateez songs (mostly bc of that yunho fancam iykyk) but yes, seonghwa is just soso made for angel fiction, it's woven in his dna.

speaking of light!seonghwa, your explanations do make much more sense now concerning his romance arc and the dynamic with reader. i'm also very prone to bad-boy-blindness so 😔😔 i can fix him frfr (reader is a scientist after all). and omg the sequel ideas, i think it'd be time to bring that betrayal arc to life. reader.. cleans up the angel with dr. choi's help and then he rids of them and all otherworldly messes they left behind once and for all. & goes public about his (and reader's) research under a heroic preface. 😈 and since the angel ended seonghwa's business by then. they can fight it out in heaven or hell, wherever they end up. everyone's happy ever after?

it's like the answer was there all along. if everything/everyone has evil and good inside of them of course there isn't one or the other to find balance with each other. only out-doing each other's evilness/goodness. 😮‍💨

you can use me anytime to yap your brains out. i love love love hearing about the behind the scenes, the process and (original) train of thought and how different our interpretations can turn out to be. i'd read it over and over again, like enrichment that gives the story more life. 🥰

still can't believe light was for me. like. huh? me? 👉👈 i caused this? and you did all the amazing work. 😭 this is one of the sweetest things anyone's ever done and you being so shy to mention it until the very end!! like skjsdfjkn i was already rolling around in bed and you had to put the cherry on top and break me 🫨🫨 is there another step after marriage because?? pls don't say divorce lmao

YOU'RE A GIFT! MOST PRECIOUS! ALL THE LOVE FOR YOU! MWAH MWAH 💖🫦 (tell me these essays we write aren't the modern way of handwritten loveletters)

○ chron 🃏

omgg stop that's exactly what happened with me when i read your reblog I SPENT AN HOUR ON IT A SOLID HOUR i did it for my wife frr 🤞😤🔐 and then i kept thinking about it and ugh readers like you make writing so worth it :'))

omg yes bruh bc i had no idea what to write next, and ever since your dazzling light reblog it got me thinking if i could write more angel fics and then you sent your preferred tropes and genres in the ask and i um cooked sth up with what i had hehe (seonghwa was the member of choice bc i hadn't written him in a while, and the title just fit so well even tho it was mostly unintentional lmao) and omg yes light is such a sweet song and yunho fancam hehe i think i know what you're talking about

bad-boy blindness is so real, me as the writer had it and then i had a few days off from writing in between and that's when clarity hit me-- that seonghwa is supposed to be the villain, the baddest. he gets no redemption, and that is his tragedy. and omg not you going strong with the betrayal arc AHAHAHA i mean... greed is a real thing. reader had it. dr. choi def has it too. he's capable of doing that heuheuheue. i don't think we could ever get a happy ever after in this fic tho 😭 we did it with hala hala we couldn't do the same thing here :')

aw that's literally so sweet of you. i mean it when i say, readers like you are genuinely what makes this site worth it and what makes me want to write and post. and honestly, talking about the process of writing a certain fic or the different interpretations of it etc makes me the happiest! it's my fav thing and i always look forward to talking about it in the reblogs, comments or anywhere (and i'm glad readers are able to pick them details or ask about it-- and you def do every time it's the best thing ever :')) thank you!)

YES. light was for you. i honestly should have tagged you (i'll tag you next time i promise) but i have to credit you for the trigger that brought this fic to life- the dazzling light reblog (which got me thinking about angels) and then the tropes/genres (which got me thinking what if seonghwa angel and angel bad) LMAO yes that was my thought process. and i'm very shy even tho i may not seem like it lmao

OMG did i break you AHAHAHAHA next step after marriage is definitely divorce (i'm about to say sth 18+ i have to stop myself but just read that rolling around in bed putting the cherry on top and breaking you line in a diff context-)

NO YOU ARE THE GIFT YOU ARE SO SOOO PRECIOUS AND THANK YOU FOR BEING YOU LOVE 💖💖 HOPE YOU HAVE A LOVELY WEEK!

[alexisomnias]

— HOW I LOSE YOU. . .

Riddle is forced to watch you die over and over to an overblot

tags - potential spoilers , inspired off of game functions , reader is gender-neutral , angst with no comfort

"please finish this for me." you choke out, voice low and silent. With that moment, he swears everything stops. Everything no matter the shape or color blurred as his eyes burned. "don't let this be a waste."

        You don't realize, every single thing goes to waste the second you leave his life, the development he went through, you helping him work through his trauma and getting him in a better shape then before, all of it goes to waste. Suddenly he can't stop his tears.

He wants to beg, cry, yell, scream. Do it all enough that the world would want to give you back, pity him because surely if enough tears are shed he'll have nothing left to give.

He realizes a difference after a blink, his tears are suddenly dried, his throat no longer clogged uncomfortably. His head no longer pounding with salty tears. He felt as if it never happened, despite the regrowing ache in his chest and stomach.

That is when he realizes, Leona is still there as Leona. Not as the blot monster that Riddle himself became not too long ago, barely over a month. The Kingscholar is dripping newfound ink, and Riddle comes to the conclusion that he's back at the beginning of the fight, back before he lost you.

        Everyone else looked, reacted, and moved the exact same way as before. No changes made at all, he was the odd one out from the rest. The only one out of everyone there who's eyes frantically searched, and who's heart rapidly beat. Its all for different reasons though, this time his panic wasn't from his unique magic proving to be useless, or the familiarity of the black substance dripping down Leona.

Riddle no longer could hear anything, all words meshing in together as if he was the one in the planet with his own language, once his eyes landed on you his breath hitched.

You're alive, you're alive, you're alive, you're alive, you're alive, you're alive, you're alive, you're alive, you're alive, you're alive..!

        Riddle is unable to cross over to you, no longer able to reach you and touch your skin with his hands. Unable to ensure your skin is warm and alive, unlike the one he just held which was cold and dead. His brain didn't rack for answers like it usually did, in fact it was extremely the opposite. Riddle Rosehearts, became purely just a riddle he's unable to solve in seconds. And he gave up before even learning what it said because he saw you. You were alive and that's all that matters to him. Not the answer, or the way to find it.

        Then once again in a matter of minutes (—or was it an hour..?), he wasn't careful enough. He knew everything that was going to happen, in fact Riddle himself literally lived it, and helped finish the fight. Finding the weakpoints and everything. Yet he just fell short, as if he was levelled severely under everyone else in the fight, like the most useless card in a game. He suddenly was no queen, no tyrant or anything. Because without a head, you can't see, speak, or do anything that is worth fear, other then that. A simple appearance affected the horror.

And for a second dreaded time, he called out for his loved one. "this a dream?! right [name]!?" he asked urgently, holding you close to him as the sounds of paramedics arrived. Your body, covered in sand he would mistake for your own ashes as he sobbed. One may think a sand castle for you both could be built as the sand became stuck to your skin, alongside your cracked bones and dried and dead skin.

"Riddle... please win..." you said, sounding tired. He didn't understand, they did win. "I’m so tired." you croaked alongside him as you leaned into his stomach. Rosehearts thought he was the victim to King's Roar in this current moment. The king knocking the Queen off the chessboard and down to the ground. Falling far, and far below until the players cannot find the game piece. Dried up like a forever desert.

He's so lost without you.

He's back. Back again from an hour or so ago. Same reactions, same people, same stupid ink that dripped down the Kingscholar's crown into his eyes.

        Riddle didn't want to be back here of all places, he wanted you to live. He wanted to hold you before everything happened. He can't keep watching you die, he can't. He can't do this, he needs this to end. Before the fight even begins he's ready to sob, an imaginary knife stabbing into his chest and up into his throat. His heart aching, ignorant to all around. His honor and the gravity of the situation that his heart and emotions betray. It wasn't about him, he's not in danger. He knew, at this point he felt like the most useless person here, his studies about everything all for naught, you’re slipping from his grasp once again. He knows its coming and he can't handle it again.

Riddle doesn't realize the fight already started, his body on autopilot as his mind wholes himself up in his room. He gets memories from his study time with his mother. Stuck in his room, blinds shut from the outside world. The subject of his study was you this time. Leona's going to kill you again, and he, the useless boy who does nothing but get angry and throw tantrums that trouble others, will have to watch because he can never do anything right.

[screampied]

HIIIIIIIIIII, omg so cute that u missed me cause i missed you too ☹️☹️

OMG TOJI IS THE BIGGEST CONDOM HATER AND HE HATES TO PULL OUT, MF IS MAKING KIDS LEFT AND RIGHT (the money i would pay to be one of his baby mommas is as large as his cock).

nanami starts so sweet, he is the type to say some stuff that makes your dizzy mind go “he didn’t”. i can see him always being respectful saying “you feel so good, baby” and then he finds out that whenever he swears his partner likes it, so he starts taking his chance, and a few weeks later he sweetly calls her his pretty slut. ITS ME, IM HER!!!!

i— vegas i am the biggest suguru simp ever, i would be a member of his cult, i swear to you i could worship him better than others, my mouth would make him forget i am just a dumb human. HE ALSO HAS THE VIBE OF MOCKING YOU WHILE SMILING WITH HIS EYES CLOSED LIKE OMG

so, uh, i have a humiliation kink or something…

i don’t think peach ice tea tastes like peach, but it’s sweet and good, and it makes me very happy to drink it. however, i have no control over it, so others need to pour for me and tell me to stop, because i will keep going until it all comes back up (it happened)

toe rings are perfect for me, who is always wearing sandals, so it gives that lil fancy look instead of just casual. OMG BRACELETS ARE EVERYTHING, i used to keep eyeing them on pinterest all the time and i got a silver one for my 20 birthday, i love to talk and hit it on the table, is so soothing.

btw, there’s a famous character from a tv show from my country that she is know for her many bracelets, and she was very feisty and expressive so they crinkled a lot, is really nice to be wearing it and people go “are you [character]?” DAMN RIGHT I AM.

WAIT HOLLUP YOU SHIFTED?? THATS LIKE SO COOL, me and my anxious mind could never

answering your question, on october first i’ll show myself after i finish my halloween theme and we still will interact because i love to send ask, except they won’t be anon but it will be our secret that i was nut anon. and yes, let’s be moots!!! this whole thing started because high me told ya i would bust a nut if we became moots.

i also said if you followed me before halloween i would show myself, which reminds me, you followed me on your second account, does that count? its been like two or three weeks and i kept quiet 🙂 cause i got scared 🙂

anyways question for today is house or apartment? barbie or bratz?

nut anon.

NUUUUTTYYYY 🧘‍♀️

YEAAAJHH ☝🏽☝🏽. he’s so annoying, he’s literally the guy who’s like “no condoms fit me,” and just loves going in raw. ur reaaaal i'd love to be his baby mama, that's my man. to me toji isn’t a deadbeat he’s a living / caring father & husband !

nanami 😕😕😕. i want him so bad he’s so husband. i rmbr having such a huge nanami brain rot out of nowhereeee and i would write ab him nonstop. i always think ab virgin!nanami n how he can never last once he goes inside pussy for the first time ARUGHHHH. nanami and degradation yummmmm …. twin with the humiliation kink 🧘‍♀️ that'll be in my cult leader geto fic

YESSSSSS i shift sometimes 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️. it's funnn but a lot of ppl think it's fake, i think it all dependssss. you should try it it’s so cool, especially if you’re a deep sleeper bc it kills time me thinkssss

ooooh okay !!! YAAAAAY NEW MOOTS. ofc it’ll be our secret 🫂🫂. help i followed u on my second account rly ….. bye i still have no clue who you could be tho omg. IM CURIOUUSSSS. have i sent you an ask before eerrrm. DONT BE SCAREDDD.

hmmmm house and bratz !!!! 🧘‍♀️

[boxenstopp]

it's 1 am, anyway time for walkthrough of my entire rewatch of czech it out. as my brain slowly melts into pieces. get ready for a long-as-shit post.

EPISODE 1!!!!!

can i say. first of all. wtf are these graphics. what were they thinking and why does it kind of work with the atmosphere.

second of all. introduction of the coffee. does carzzy like coffee? is that his coffee? who made the coffee? all differs depending on the video.

introduction of the smiley "i agree to anything carzzy says" humanoid. he has that rookie vibe here like he's very unsure of himself but oh boy marek, carzzy is not a stable anchor.

also, carzzy calling humanoid "marek brazda" every chance he gets, istg. he 100% says it just because he loves how it sounds. brazzzzda.

cut to carzzy calling him unskilled and we get the classic "i've been insulted by carzzy" face. i love that he has these patented modes. so far we've had "carzzy loml you can never do anything wrong (meant ironically)" and "carzzy loml 🥺🥺 spare me anything sir i haven't but a penny" (it has been 40 seconds)

face is exemplified when carzzy goes out of his way to place his cup on (what i assume is) humanoid's desk, cause of course he does.

humanoid gets asked a question about mid and so carzzy is RESPECTFUL and lets humanoid speak.

just leaving this here. btw: "marek brazda" counter: II

i realize at this point there are so many things to point out but i'm too lazy to screencap them. first of all, carzzy complaining about pantheon/taliyah and humanoid who was not listening at all just going "nice :)" and carzzy also needs a moment to register and then goes. "no." and then they start arguing about something with approx. 0 heart and 2 braincells of what they're arguing about. and then carzzy does the thing where he lets humanoid get the last word (thing he does all the fucking time) and just hums like a girl cause SHE IS down bad. (btw me calling carzzy a girl is not an insult it's an um actually? 🏳️‍🌈🤓 moment.)

G2 TIME!!

one of the most important things about carzzynoid is their nonchalant complete factually incorrect statements. can guarantee you they think it's the funniest shit ever, however, it's only funny if no one laughs. they have these voices where you can tell they're trying to make themselves sounds as uncaring as possible. anyway yeah guys, g2 is 10th, 9th place team for sure.

CAN I SAY. carzzy's heterochromia is insane in these early videos. every close-up on his face i go woawwww!! idk if it's more noticeable or if i'm just going insane. anyway humanoid goes on to end the segment with "pojďme se na to společně podívat!" (according to software that seems about correct to me) meaning "let's take a look at it together" otherwise LITERALLY meaning "check it out." or something pretty close. as an EXTREME linguistics nerd and general languages lover i think hearing them speak czech makes me explode about 10 times anyway so. idk if that's a correct analysis :)

THIS carzzy smirk. i could write a paragraph here honestly. anyway humanoid asks a question and carzzy does not answer because why would he.

EYES.

then carzzy goes on a rant about how amazing their coach is only for his genius mordekaiser pick to be wasted on MAREK BRAZDA (counter: III)

insulted marek left, "i'm not blaming anyone" marek right. (carzzy was totally blaming you dude. you're both so horrible.)

carzzy checks in on humanoid for that one, lmao. makes sure that he understands, yep.

NEXT DYNAMIC UP!! the fuckin sad lions/chad lions thing. carzzy thinks they are "sad lions" cause they lost both games.

carzzy calls humanoid a czech, a clearly very embarrassing insult. also he hesitated a bit which meant he was SCRAMBLING for a different insult but really. czech? that's the best he could come up with. pussy.

anyway he's bullied marek into participating in the content and so he actually has to give his thoughts and he thinks he's a bad chad bitch who actually LET them win. also "this guy" counter: I. because humanoid hates calling carzzy anything actually. carzzy is just a pest to him and he needs to express that to carzzy face. obviously.

CONFLICT RESOLUTION!! i love how their dynamic is straight up insult each other until one person goes: actually you're the best i love you so much you're so hot so talented i agree with everything you say i'm a shit stain you're a saint i'll do anytthing-

VIDEO END

final thoughts: ough it's 2:30 am now but it was worth it honestly feels fucking amazing to type all this out imma go to sleep hopefully nobody reads this because really you're wasting your time. if you did <3 thanks.

[tripthelightfandomtastic]

Hey Max! It's been a while since I've sent asks, but here we go. I've had this scenario in my head this morning hehe. I've literally written you a little fic lmfao

Imagine there's a lot of sexual tension between you and Josh. You both are in close circles, and you have feelings for each other, but you won't admit it until one night it gets too much to handle...your body and mind fights your own vulnerability by protectively putting walls up, and BOOM! Angst.

But then, Josh is immoveable. He takes your coldness and angst and asks you all of the questions you can't bare to answer.

"What did I do wrong?"

"Talk to me, Y/n. I can't bare for you to be upset with me."

"Why can't you look at me?"

You can't hold it in anymore. "Because I'm fucking in love with you, and I feel like an idiot!"

His jaw falls slack, his eyes widening.

"Great. Now I really feel like a fucking dumbass." You throw your hands up at your sides.

"Why?" He asks you, taking a step forward.

The ambiguous question spurs you to keep talking. "It's obvious. All these signs that you're sending?" You say in a frenzy, furrowing your eyebrows together with frustration. "Never mind. I'm just delusional. I gotta go." You turn to leave, eyes scanning for the nearest exit, until you feel a hand grabbing at you.

"Y/n, stop." A deep sigh escapes from his lips. You wrench from his grasp, not interested in being embarrassed further.

"It's fine. I'll be fine," you shrugged him off, but he didn't loosen his grasp.

"Y/n, look at me!" He barks, and you can't help but spin around back to him, the intensity of his tone leaving you speechless. You forced yourself to make eye contact with him. When you do, the depth of his gaze almost freezes you in place, snatching with it your breath.

"I need you to understand one thing. I want to make one thing very clear," he says slowly, his eyes flitting left and right between your own, his grip loosening into something far more tender.

"You drive me absolutely fucking crazy. One day you are so hot...so flirty with me, and then the next, you're cold and you act like my touch is revolting. So, how am I supposed to behave around you? I have wanted you, needed you for so long, but I didn't know where you stood? And--I guess I was too much of a pussy to tell you." His eyes searched yours for an answer. "I'm in love with you, Y/n, and it's impossible to not think about you."

"Y-you're in love with me?" You stammered, becoming aware that your were unconsciously picking at your pant seams as he spoke.

"Sounds like we're both stupid." Josh counters, taking your hands in his. "I wish I had known."

"And I wish I hadn't been such a bitch to you."

"I don't know, I liked most of it...I just got frustrated after a while because there wasn't any relief." His grin is telling, and it sets your skin ablaze with embarrassment and desire.

"Can I make up for it now?" You ask, mirroring his expression, curling your lips upward in a mischievous smirk.

BOOM KISS

BOOM SMUT

AND BOOM OUT BRAINS AND BOOM GOES OUR NO NO SQUARES.

WHERE IS MY DECLARATION OF LOVE, JOSHUA!? 😭💕

[gaycavendish]

Mml time travelers trio au is sooooo good! No thoughts head empty just thinking abt how cute it is... <3 actually now I'm somewhat curious as to like what Sara is up to, or how they got started with it, or if it's set in the far off future too... !!! :^D

HEHE thank you :] !! Under a Read More, i got chatty!!!!

Sara may occasionally join them, especially when they first start, but ultimately she prefers enjoying time travel from the safety of the TV LOL. She for sure has hours long conversations with milo about their adventures though, keeps a log of differences between time travel in doctor zone and the real world. I think she and milo probably made the doctor zone parts of his costume together :]. Milo brings her trinkets and such from the future & past when she doesn’t join them!

For how they got started, Melissa and Milo already have interest in time travel and, coincidentally, contact with the guy who invents it! One step closer to being queen of the universe for Melissa (also that ep where she goes on a mission with Savannah lives in my mind rent free as proof melissa is good at + enjoys time traveling), and a possible career choice for milo, where hes able to do all sorts of things and go all sorts of places (and, most importantly, help people + hang out with his friends!), since he wasn’t sure during the career day episode, and at the time hadnt known Time Traveler to be a viable option LOL. As for Zack, I think he likes the adventure + the glamour! Still a little bit of lumberzack left in him, plus he likes to hang out with milo and melissa of course, and theyd get in too much trouble to handle without him. Melissa is their sort of mission finder, since she has a good word put in for her at the time bureau and can get information. Milo of course taking the time travel expert role, and Zack being their damage control + honestly communications expert. This is entirely headcanon zone for me but i think he has a knack for talking to aliens and people from nearly every time period. Our charismatic boy!!

Its not terribly far in the future! If i remember right, doofenschmirtz is supposed to invent time travel 12 years after the pnf effect, and i sort of picture him, maybe in the latter half of the 12 years, having prototypes that he lets milo test out (it ensures durability, no? ahaha). Milo is in pretty big trouble with the time bureau for. being Milo and in contact with the literal entire spacetime continuum, so they try to avoid going too close to the bureau during any times where Mr. Block is, well, alive. (guy is Mean! and milo doesnt want to get cavendish and dakota in trouble, since god knows block would assume it was them that gave milo access to time travel)

I hope this answers your questions : D!!!!! thank you for asking HEHE they have been bouncing around in my brain foreverrr

[jemmo]

desperately trying to forget about the preview for next week's his man 2 eps and focus on the adorable junsungho date we finally got, but it's all my brain wants to dissect over and over. once again, seonwoo why? i absolutely don't understand what his goal in this show is or if he genuinely is even interested in anyone because i honestly don't feel an ounce of sincerity from that man. he went on a date with yoonghee out of politeness, and his main goal was to see if he could overcome their age gap right? yet, he's the one who kept bringing it up. it's also the way yoonghee kept asking him questions and giving him opportunities to give him some kind of clarity, but seonwoo just gave him roundabout answers in return. it annoys me that seonwoo keeps trying to string yoonghee along without cutting him off completely because he needs that attention and 'support' from him as he always says. on another note, he keeps saying sungho is "special" to him and okay maybe he is, but if so, why does it look more like he just wants to shake him up again when he noticed sungho's attention shift away from him a little? it just seems to me that not receiving a voice message from yoonghee and sungho must've hit seonwoo way too hard and he needs that validation back. sigh. i know we don't see everything that goes on in these hour long eps, but i feel like it's definitely enough for us to be able to get a grasp of their personality and character, and seonwoo is clearly playing with so many people's feelings. i just don't know what to expect anymore because seonwoo is going to continue playing these mind games with that big ego of his. god, i swear, the absolute mood swing i had from being excited and happy over sungho's voice message to my face literally falling as that preview played. this week of waiting is gonna be torture as always.

oh dear anon i am trying so hard not to think about the preview, or about seonwoo watching sungho and junsung cook and asking questions about their date and his reaction, or seonwoo calling sungho, bc sungho and junsung have such a good thing going on, and yet we and them can’t just be left with the memory of a nice date bc seonwoo has to ruin it by sticking his nose in again. im trying to be so reasonable when I watch it and not just shit on him for everything he does, bc maybe he does truly like sungho, I mean since their date he has called him consistently, but then you have people out here like hyungjin saying i shouldn’t have gone out on a date with anyone else so as not to give a wrong impression to them or the one person I like (even tho he left the message for seonwoo but that’s something else), and yet seonwoo goes out with yonghee for whatever reason, obligation, pity, curiosity, so he can’t be so committed to sungho as to shut down all other options yet, which at this point i feel like the people who are genuine are starting to be committed about who they like, but seonwoo just has to keep all these options open even when it appears he’s committing to sungho. and i don’t want to say that’s bad at the face of it, after all if sungho doesn’t go with seonwoo, it’s good to not have closed off every other option; i don’t like to subscribe to the belief that just bc you are devoted to going for one person, that your feelings are better or more worthy or anything, bc at the end of the day it’s sungho’s choice. what does annoy me is the lack of clarity with which seonwoo approaches every situation. I think the only time he’s only been kinda clear about anything was when he talked with junsung about exploring other options, but at least from what i recall, he’s never been clear to sungho and said I like you but I’m gonna keep talking to other people bc I don’t know how sungho then sees the situation, does he think seonwoo is committed to him or does he know about the other people he has ties to and would that change how he feels??

and I’m trying hard not to talk about him and yonghee’s again bc I’ve already ranted so much, but I will focus on that line he said at the end of their date, that he relies on yonghee bc his feelings never change. which is what he keeps on saying, that he gets support from yonghee and that he’s important. none of these are inherently romantic things and the thing is I think yonghee intents them to be romantic but seonwoo doesn’t see them that way, or more accurately he sees that intention but the way he is grateful for it isn’t romantic in return. and I can’t get over how fucked up it is to string someone along and use their affection as a comfort without giving that person any clarity in return. he’s literally using yonghee’s feelings to make himself feel better, feel reassured and comforted, and the reason why he won’t clarify his feelings and say there’s no romantic affection in return is bc he’s scared to lose yonghee’s affection bc it comforts him to much to know he’s so strongly and unwaveringly liked by this person. it’s literally what he wants the most, to be liked so much, and that’s why he can’t reject him even though there’s little to no way I think seonwoo feels anything romantic for him. like is that not fucked up?? to use someone like that??? to not give them that cutoff so they can move on to someone else just bc you want to feel good about yourself??? it’s the way yonghee is so sincere and genuine with his feelings and seonwoo is so plainly disingenuous in return. it’s the way he asks yonghee nothing about himself outside of his feelings for him, let’s yonghee spill his heart and says nothing in return, how he asks yonghee to ask him questions but gives him half baked answers that don’t give him enough to give him any insight on how he feels, but enough to keep him wondering. like it feels cruel, it feels like someone older making light of a young persons feelings as nothing but childish affection, and I don’t want to see yonghee being looked down at like that. I said before how seonwoo feels complicated looking at yonghee bc he has this confidence that comes from youth and less experience and fear and wishes he could’ve had that youth, but it’s bc I think he views it like that that he sees his feelings as childish, bc he is wistful for a time where he could’ve had this childish crush and felt like they were the most special thing in the world and been so bold and forward about it. and bc he doesn’t take those feelings seriously is another reason why he doesn’t reject him outright, bc he doesn’t think it warrants it even tho yonghee is putting his all into this. I don’t usually like to shit on age gaps bc age isn’t just a number but it’s also not a be all and end all, but it’s situations like this where they bother me, bc you can feel the imbalance, you can feel that the issue linger in the air where it doesn’t in other parings where a gap still exists. and i think yonghee’s youthful sincerity doesn’t match with the life experiences seonwoo has had, but also doesn’t match with the lack of emotional maturity he seems to have despite his age, and altogether it’s just so messy and not right and I can’t even say it’s good tv anymore bc I’d much rather see yonghee move onto other people than be stuck here. like sure seonwoo, make mess, it’s fun, but when it stops being fun and starts actually messing with people, that’s when I’m gonna start getting mad.

[thekidsarentalright]

HELLO I SURVIVED!! my voice is extremely fucked up from screaming and my legs hurt but i’m alive!! i feel like there’s so much stuff i need to ramble abt so i’m just gonna write a fuckin essay here lmao i’m so sorry 😭

ok so the stage looked SO cool in person. the backdrops were gorgeous <3 and everything was like a physical prop, not projections… including the giant replica of bubbles the dog <3 pete kept pretending to put his hand in its mouth and patrick was singing to it! and the pyro was insane, i could feel the heat from it and i was Not super close to the stage. they Also had a clock on the side of the stage that would go backwards every so often… like going back in time to play older songs 😭

UM?!?! THAT SETLIST?!?!?! ginasfs was NOT a possibility in my head at all, so that was absolutely insane, my god!!! everyone was like “???” after pete said they’d never played it live. and then it started and my brain literally blacked out. like my only thought was “there’s no way this is happening, what the FUCK”. that song is so important to me and honestly was one of the first ones i remember loving when i got into fob, so that was a whole moment!! if there’s a different song every time that’s so scary, i SO hope u get the song u want if that’s the case! <333

“don’t forget who left the light on 20 years ago” had me tearing up and then all the tttyg stuff… fob wants us all dead fr! and THEN HEAVEN IOWA?! AND HEADFIRST SLIDE?!?!?! i was HOLLERING the whole time, my throat still hurts 💀 and FAKE OUT OMG WHERE DO I EVEN START 😭 the pink lights worked and it looked so pretty!!! it took some ppl a minute to get theirs set up, so the stadium kinda gradually lit up more and more and by the middle of the song it was fully lit! i swear i saw the exact moment where patrick realized what was going on and he smiled so big <3 i teared up so hard (was trying not to cry bc i had glitter on my face lol… i kinda cried anyway) and then pete gave us a shoutout! i’m def keeping my seashell on like… my wall or smth <3

also the covers!! that first song patrick did at the piano is lake shore drive, it’s actually what he was playing in that tiktok of him in the studio back in like… february! (it’s the piano thing right after the clip of him playing trumpet) my mom recognized it when i was watching that video originally and asked why he was playing it, so i already knew the song… was Not expecting it live tho 🤯 and then don’t stop believing?!?! we were all v confused but excited lmao… and then crazy train a bit later 😅

and pete did baby annihilation!! honestly when i said he could do it and i’d cheer, i did NOT expect him to actually do it lmaoo… but he did and it was fantastic!! hold me like a grudge was also incredibly fun, it goes so hard live <3 shoutout to the ppl who were doing the clapping during the bridge w me lol

every time patrick started talking he’d go “hi” in this soft voice and i was just like “HIIIII 🥺” AND HE WORE DOC MARTENS!!! AAAA 💓 he was so sunshiny and just skipping around like usual <3

OH ALSO!! idk what the other venues on this tour are like, but wrigley has this thing above the stage where they have a couple different flags, and all except one of them were changed out to be the smiley face logo!! it reminded me of when they planted their flag in the lftos music video and i got emotional looking at it 😭 like. they did it!! and it’s so obvious they’re excited to be doing all this!! ur gonna have an absolute blast at your show for Sure!

(the openers were fucking amazing too, i totally didn’t process that tai was playing until literally right before they came onstage. and then they covered snakes on a plane and were like “iykyk” and i very nearly died lmao)

(alsooooo congrats on finishing ur first year of college!! happy stardust summer! mwah 💕)

- 🧋 anon

SOOO sorry to be answering this a couple days later tumblr never showed me i got it!!!!! ANYWAYS

ohhhhh my god it sounds like it was such a fantastic like. incredibly special concert, i'm so happy for u!!! the setlist and the set itself literally blew my mind as i was watching a livestream of the show like????? my god they really pulled out ALLL the stops while also keeping the classics on there, really a setlist to please Everyone i think?? also w the set like. all the animatronic stuff and different backgrounds and everything. patrick was Not kidding when he said this show was visually different than anything they'd ever done before i am. SOOOO impressed. actually both by that and the stardust project, i remember something similar happened for mania tour and it was really pretty (kept my cutouts and still have them!!!) so im VERY glad it's happening this time for fake out <333 they deserve to see all of our love in every way possible <333

SO interesting that that's what he was playing on that tiktok omg he was practicing for so longggggg.... insane that ur show got a special lil piano mashup and then last night he did what a time to be alive.... so curious to see if its wattba forever now or if that's gonna be different each night Too!!!

and YEAHHH baby annihilation being on the setlist is making me soooo ;__; every time i think abt it im sooooo proud of pete for like. being confident enough to do That in front of thousands of people. also made me so happy to see patrick skipping around stage in his slay lil outfit like all four of them were SOOO happy u could tell i just. god i love them, they DID it they had their lil flag planted and played such a good show. last nights show was no doubt so good and special too from every video i've seen i just. i Know this tour is gonna be the tour of a lifetime, im SOOO excited for my show and also so glad urs was such a wonderful time and experience like u got so many special lil things!!! ginasfs and snakes on a plane etc!!!!!!!!! loved hearing all of this <33333

[swampgallows]

the usual

im mad because im trying to read books again, specifically trying to pick up toxic parents and body keeps the score again so i can try and Help Myself basically now that im back in the limbo of having no therapist. but trying to concentrate on shit and hunker down and learn things when i know it’s good for me i swear it’s like a flashbang goes off in my brain and everything just whites out. ‘concentrate’ isnt even the right word for it because it’s like i cant even begin to get started. it’s like staring into the sun to even begin to think about stuff i guess, it’s all so overwhelming. i want so much about my life to change, so much, so badly, so drastically, but so much of it just doesnt feel feasible that it’s like ive implanted this mental block in my brain to even dream of change because it’s too caustic. 

that ‘autistic masking’ article about the boy who would build and paint his models at night then clean everything up so he left no trace of himself... i think about how much ive whittled myself down and have tried to take up very little space. how i dont play my music on speakers, dont draw anymore, basically only took up writing more because it was something that was between me and a notepad document and didnt take time the same way as drawing, and wasnt possible to immediately consume like a drawing (people grabbing my sketchbook and just flippantly turning the pages, skimming past drawings that took me hours in favor of minute long sketches, glancing at drawings that were supposed to express my deep feelings and having immediate reactions of disgust or ridicule)

i make kandi put it on a chain then put it away. it cant really go anywhere anyway, not like i’ll be attending raves again any time soon. i have no reason or place to wear my ‘fun clothes’ anymore. i wore what i thought was a cute outfit at christmas and even my immediate family had some shit to say about it. i wore a pair of stockings that ive had (and worn) since i was 14  years old. i wore them to my very first raver day at disneyland. and theyre surprised when i wear them now? like they havent seen them before????

even here i was about to say “i tire of myself” and close this window or hit post and stop here, but literally my blog is one of the only places i can actually express myself somewhere and send it out to a place where it’s seen. yeah i can write things down in my journal and ‘express myself’ there so that “personal stuff” isnt online but... i already do that. set up my models and paint them late at night, then put them away before anyone sees in the morning. djing only in my headphones at 4am, pulling them off periodically to make sure they arent too loud even through the headphones. lighting candles but opening the window so there isn’t “too much” scent. 

if im autistic or have adhd or some combination of the two, then my whole family is too and all undiagnosed (save for maybe my dad. i think he’s the closest one of us to being ‘normal’). i took that blorbo quiz and it asked “How would they describe themselves?” 

how would -i- describe myself? i dont know. people tell me im smart and funny. i think it’s because they cant think of anything nicer to say.

Part of me is still chasing the approval of all the world’s English teachers. Getting compliments on my writing makes me feel like my life matters. And I still struggle to ask for love and affection when a real, flesh and blood human is looking me in the face. It’s difficult for me to believe someone might care for me as an equal, and like things about me other than my intellect. I frequently have to remind myself I’m no longer a child, and don’t need approval of the “adults” anymore.

as long as im stuck living with my parents im going to perpetually be the child. it’s also really fucking frustrating knowing how ill prepared i am to live as an adult. even when i had a job i had to quit it so i didnt kill myself. i dont think just getting a job is the answer, though i know it’s a mandatory piece of the puzzle. ugh god

[dgcatanisiri]

So, something was said in a bit of a video on Cyberpunk that I've been rolling over in my head since. I didn't necessarily agree with it, but it did give me a perspective to consider.

The person who made the video said that the core theme of the game was summed up by the question that Dexter DeShawn asks at the start of everything: Quiet life or blaze of glory?

From that perspective, yeah, I suppose I can see how the game as is fits to that.

But the thing is, that's a failure for what I experience in the game. Which, sure, has some element of the subjective nature of fiction - when it comes to what any fiction makes you think or feel, the audience's individual reactions are always going to be shaped by each individuals own experiences.

So my experiences do not center on asking and answering the question "what do you want, to be remembered as a legend or to fade away?" My experiences tell me that the question is "what kind of legacy do you want to leave behind?" Not "how do you want to die" but "what do you want from life that carries on after you're gone?"

It's why I get pissed off about the reactions of V's friends in the suicide ending - they're all angry about V doing this, with even Misty saying "you had a bigger effect on people than you thought." The choice wasn't about them, though - they weren't the ones dying, they weren't the ones who were going to have their brain liquefy. Sure, they're left behind, but because of V being in their lives, completing their quests, they're all in better places now - Panam's reunited with the Aldecaldos, River's reconnected with his sister, Kerry has a new lease on life, and, for all that it hurts her that someone else close to her has killed themselves, Judy has left Night City for good. Plus there's the various gigs and reported crimes that V almost has to complete just to level up, cleaning up Night City as time goes on. V's ripple effect changes lives, the ripples from V being there makes things better.

I look at this game, at this story, I think that the big question is asking to compare what V does throughout to what Johnny Silverhand did while he was alive - Silverhand acted impulsively and selfishly. His one-man crusade on Arasaka became that because he couldn't accept that Alt was taken because of her skills - "they took her to get to me." And he never accepts that he killed her - literally, he rips the cord connecting her to the net before she can come back to her body, HE is the cause of her death, not Arasaka. To say nothing of his bullshit on the bender that he brushes off with 'didn't know the pills would knock you out like that,' as if he didn't wash them down with all the alcohol under the sun, a pack of cigarettes that V wouldn't touch otherwise, and causing a car crash because he decided to finger a stripper while she was driving.

I see all that and think that the game should be about why V can knock down Arasaka while Johnny Silverhand never could - because V makes connections with people, because they set out to help others, even if they are still a professional mercenary. Because their presence in the lives of those around them is about helping them, not taking what they can until the others dislodge them like the parasite they would be in that metaphor, like Johnny Silverhand was.

From the "quiet life or blaze of glory" perspective, sure, maybe the game told the right story. But from my "what do you leave behind?" perspective? It doesn't actually want to ask the questions that come out of it. And those are the kind of questions that REALLY get me from the scenario they set up, of having this cyber-ghost stuck in V's head, and being able to talk about, explore, and parallel and contrast both characters lives and choices.