#and so I was drastically underprepared and I failed.

[x-ladydisdain-x]

I’ve been telling myself it’s okay to have gotten that one B last year fall semester that it was still a pretty high B and that it was an AP class but now I’m staring at my gpa and thinking about how I’ll never have a perfect unweighted 4.0 ever again

[urban-amore]

Stede Bonnet and The Point of No Return (™)

Stede’s story is an excellent lesson in The Point of No Return (™). I’m defining this as having a new life in front of you that doesn’t feel like yours, but at the same time, your old life isn’t yours either. You’ve moved past it and, no matter how hard you try, you feel like a fish out of water whenever you go back.

Watching Stede’s flashbacks, you can clearly see he never fit in. Even as an adult, Stede felt out of place in his world, with his marriage, and with his kids. It’s no wonder Stede created an escape fantasy of being a pirate. It was adventure, it was thrills, it wasn’t sitting there watching his family enjoy a lively dinner conversation while he could only watch. After a while, Stede couldn’t handle it anymore. His fantasy wasn’t enough so he took the plunge and jumped into being a pirate wholeheartedly.

The problem is your daydream never matches reality. We only picture a utopia when we dream, because like who wants to dream about the hardships and the mundane day-to-day? No one, that’s the point of being an escapist daydream.

Escapism isn’t all bad. It can be a good coping mechanism to deal with your current situation, but Stede went one step further. He actually made the jump into that life. Since everything he knew about being a pirate was from books or his own mind, this meant he was drastically underprepared (both in skill and in expectations).

Once reality hit Stede, it hit him hard. We see this in the “I’m not a pirate, I’m an idiot” line. The reality of being a pirate is so jarringly different than the one he dreamt up. It throws Stede through a loop when he’s prepared so much for this life, only to realize he’s struggling.

One of Stede’s strengths is that he’s good at carrying on. Like yeah this isn’t an ideal situation, but he’s fought so hard to be here, to walk away would be a tragedy.

But sometimes you can’t keep going, you grow weary and tired and it all becomes too much. For Stede, this came when Chauncey, after yelling at him for bringing down Blackbeard, tripped then shot himself. This changed Stede, his incompetency is one thing, but realizing he was destructive was another. Stede is a very caring person and the thought of being responsible for bringing down someone he loves so much drove him to think, this isn’t the life for me, I’m not worth staying here.

So Stede goes home and right off the bat he acts like everything is normal and okay even though he never fit in and it never was actually normal or okay. Honestly, I think this was a coping mechanism. Like if he could go back to the way things were, he could act like the Revenge was a dream and he won’t have to remember he failed.

But there’s a slight problem with this, everything has changed.

We first see this with Mary. In Stede’s absence, she grew as a person. She found a community with other widows, she worked on her art career, she fell in love with an amazing guy. She moved on with her life after Stede left and she didn’t want to go back. Honoring the contract they made before god was the only reason she didn’t kick Stede to the curb.

Even though Mary let him stay, she continuously reminded Stede she’d moved on by telling him straight up, keeping her art show and art name of “The Widow Bonnet”, and still sleeping with Doug. Her (extremely rightful) refusal to return to the way things were was a constant reminder to Stede that time had moved on. His family went on with their lives and basically forgot about him. This was the first push into Stede’s journey into The Point of No Return.

The other two pushes came from drinking with the guys at the bar and threatening Doug with a cheese knife. When Stede first runs into the guys he expects to be mocked, instead they celebrate him and want to hear about his adventures. At first, Stede’s okay with this since he’s now part of the community, seen as someone who’s cool enough to be there.

Then he realizes that’s not the case. When asked if he’s “ever killed a man,” Stede tries to avoid the question in an attempt to put the past behind him. But when the guy pushes again, Stede says “I’ve seen death. I’ve been the cause of death. It changes you.”

Stede’s demeanor changes after this. He’s not lively telling stories to his drinking buddies, he’s now thrown back into the pirate world he’s been escaping. Stede’s drinking buddies represent where he originally came from. Only imagining the adventure and thrills of being a pirate and never of the true reality that came with it. It’s during his conversation with them that Stede realizes just how changed he is from the man who set out to the man he is now.

This brings us to our second Point of No Return, the Doug Cheese Knife Scene. Drunk from the bar, Stede goes to Mary’s art show. He gets angry with Mary saying she can’t be “The Widow Bonnet” if her husband (Stede himself) is not dead. Stede tells Mary that she should give up the title since he gave up his way of life. Stede is pissed (both in the British and American sense of the word) since to Stede this is yet another crack in his plan to return to his original life. Mary keeping the name “The Widow Bonnet” is her (absolutely correct) refusal to move back to the way things were.

Then Doug, being the amazing BF to Mary that he is, steps in to calm Stede down. Without thinking, without a slight hesitation, Stede sees the cheese knife and immediately pins Doug, holds it to his throat and threatens him. This was not premeditated, this was pure instinct, one you can only get from experience. His time being a pirate and his training with Blackbeard didn’t magically go away once he returned home. It’s now a core part of his being, something he defaults back into without thinking. Something he’s actually become good at during his time on the Revenge.

It’s also something that doesn’t fit with this old world. After threatening Doug, Stede looks around the room and sees the stunned looks on everyone’s faces, then realizes he has a cheese knife to poor Doug’s throat. He’s back to not fitting in this space anymore, not because he’s an outsider, but because of the experiences that have shaped him.

Stede has officially hit The Point of No Return (™). The place he left is not the place he came back to. His wife has a career and boyfriend, his son didn’t recognize him, he was erased from the family photo. Then with his drinking buddies, Stede realized he doesn’t look at pirate life through rose-colored lenses; the horror and bloodshed of what he’s seen will always be there. This brings us to the last nail in the coffin, the cheese knife. His time away has changed him on a subconscious level. Stede now has the instincts of a pirate, which is something he can’t get past. Mary was right to report Stede as dead, the old one died the day he left for the Revenge.

It’s not hitting the Point of No Return that causes Stede to leave again, it’s actually his love for Blackbeard. After realizing he no longer fits his old life, Stede doesn’t immediately leave again since what’s there to go back to? Remember, Stede faced death and bloodshed during his time as a pirate, so why jump back into that? It isn’t until Stede reflects on his relationship with Blackbeard and realizes he loves him deeply that he creates a plan to leave.

Now the puzzle is complete, he can’t return to his old life, but also there’s something better waiting for him in his new life. So that’s why Stede leaves again. Yes, being a pirate means he’ll witness horrible things, but it also means returning to his community, his people, and most importantly the love of his life, Blackbeard.

This is why I find the Point of No Return super interesting. You’re at this crossroad, like should you be living this new life or head back to the old one you knew? It’s hard because none feels right. The new one is scary and there’s so much uncertainty. What if you fail and it turns out you can’t actually do it? What then at that point? So you visit your old life but that doesn’t feel right either. Like you’re not the same person and you don’t fit in. You know it, others know it. It all just feels so… wrong. Your old home has become this strange reality of familiar yet outside of it all. That world is a liminal space; you know it very well, but the feeling you remember is gone.

But what’s the thing that ties us to one path or another? For Stede it was Ed and the crew they co-captained, the ship they ran, the life they built together. Yes that path feels dangerous and there’s still a chance it could go horribly wrong, but the ball already started rolling and there’s nothing Stede can do but to continue with it. After all, he’s already hit The Point of No Return (™).

[spurgie-cousin]

WHW Royals Edition 👑 Part 1: Anne, Queen of Great Britain

Born: February 6th, 1665 at St James's Palace, Westminster, Middlesex, England Died: August 1st, 1714 (age 49) at Kensington Palace, Middlesex Reign: March 8th, 1702 - August 1st, 1714

I thought I’d give you guys a little intro to Anne, Queen of Great Britain as a start for my series on weirdo royals. I got big into her after seeing the Yorgos Lanthimos film The Favourite (can’t recommend enough) and that resulted in endless hours of internet wormholes about her bizarre and interesting life. I’ve read about a lot of fucked up royals in my life (truly there’s many) but it was only when I was reading about Anne that I kind of had an ‘a-ha’ moment about how really drastically the monarchial system can fuck a person up. 

Queen Anne fits this bill for me for a lot of reason; she was a surprise Queen who was woefully underprepared for ruling, which led to people pushing their political agendas on her under the guise of genuine affection. It’s hard to know if the relationships that define her legacy and life in popular culture were genuine, or if they would’ve existed at all had she not been a royal. Her legacy is muddied by the traditional, patriarchal writers of history of course and it sometimes is hard to get a clear picture of who she really was, but here are a few tidbits about her life and rule:

Anne’s signature

1. Queen Anne was born Anne Stuart, daughter of James II and Anne Hyde and raised in the traditional way for aristocratic girls, with an education that emphasized on arts, language, and music. This eventually proved to suck dick for her big time later on in life when she became queen. Traditionally, girls were purposefully taught nothing useful about politics or history because it was assumed they would never rule (cough) and this left Anne very much lacking in the political discourse department as a monarch; all of her future speeches and even remarks made around political figures would have to be scripted by advisors. If she found herself off script and not knowing what to say, it’s said that she’d sometimes “move only her lips and make as if she said something when in truth no words were uttered.”

2. 8 year old Anne first met friend Sarah Jennings (Churchill) when she was a lady in waiting at just 5 years old. As you’ll see later on, Sarah goes on to be one of the (if not the most) influential person in the Queen’s life, becoming a trusted friend and political advisor.

3. Anne was what we would probably refer to today as a ‘hot mess express’. The poor gal had a myriad of health issues, both mentally and physically, all of which only got worse as she aged. She suffered from gout and an undefined auto-immune disorder (we think) as well as a bizarre eye-watering disorder and poor vision. It’s also pretty evident that she didn’t have the best relationship with alcohol or food and most likely developed a binge eating disorder later in her life (she was very large at the time of her death and there are a few accounts of her eating to the point of puking in front of other people).

4. Besides her relationships with Sarah and Abigail Masham, Queen Anne is also known mostly known for the tragic loss of her 17 pregnancies. Of all her births she had only 5 live babies, only one of which survived beyond infancy. Her son William was also afflicted with various illnesses all of his life and died at the age of 11.

Prince William, Anne’s longest surviving child

5. Anne became queen by accident, after her Catholic father was ousted as king by her protestant brother in-law. He and her sister ruled for a short time before dying of pneumonia and smallpox respectively with no heir in place, so Anne, who supported the protestant reformation, was crowned Queen.

6. Over the years Anne and Sarah Churchill became extremely close friends, and most accounts agree that Sarah had an incredible amount of influence over Anne’s political decisions. Sarah is said to have had a more natural affinity for politics, and to have had a completely opposite disposition than Anne. Some think that Sarah may have maintained the relationship only to keep her political control.

7. A lot of people that believe that Anne and Sarah were so close because they were lovers. The pair at one time wrote each other 4 letters a day, that included things like “I had rather live in a cottage with you than reign empress of the world without you,” “Oh come to me as soon as you can that I may cleave myself to you,” one of Queen Anne’s “I can’t go to bed without seeing you… If you knew in what condition you have made me, I am sure you would pity.” I don’t think I necessarily share that opinion, for reasons you’ll see below.

8. Sarah was the only person under Anne that was allowed to speak to her without using a title. The two often used their nicknames for each other: Mrs. Morley (Anne) and Mrs. Freeman (Sarah).

Sarah Churchill, 1702

9. A lot of scholars disagree with the notion that Anne had any gay affairs with anyone, including Sarah, for a few reasons; first because, at the time, it was just apparently normal to act hella gay with your friends, particularly for royals, so excessive touching or writing wouldn’t have raised any alarms. Most historians attribute this to the extreme separation of the sexes, particularly in upper class households. Most people spent 90% of their time exclusively with people of their own gender, so it was a means to have your emotional needs met within the confines of your station. If an aristocrat started ‘friend flirting’ with you, it was also seen as rude to not reciprocate. 

10. A few other reasons Anne was probably not lesbian: she had a pretty good relationship with her husband (Prince George of Denmark), and the 17 pregnancies thing suggests that they weren’t having any problems in the bedroom department. Also, when Anne later became close friends with Sarah’s cousin Abigail, Sarah became jealous and began to spread rumors that the two were gay lovers (more on that below). This rumor probably stuck and carried over into other areas of her life. Or maybe Anne was bi and both things were true, who knows.

Anne circa 1685. All physical descriptions of Anne, especially in her later years, don’t describe her in the most glowing terms, which is insane to think about when I see portraits like this.

11. Anne began to grow distant from Sarah after her husband’s death in 1708, which all sources agree flung the queen into a huge depression. She was said to have sat by and kissed his dead body long after his death. Sarah took a tough love approach to try and snap the queen out of it, which backfired. This was when Anne began to get close to Abigail Masham, which infuriated Sarah.

12. Sarah was so mad at Anne for this that she literally wrote a song about her and Abigail being gay together, printed it out on a pamphlet, and passed it around court Mean Girls-style. The pamphlet read: “When as Queen Anne of great renown / Great Britain’s sceptre swayed / Beside the Church she dearly loved / A dirty chambermaid O Abigail that was her name / She starched and stitched full well / But how she pierced this royal heart / No mortal man can tell However for sweet service done / And causes of great weight / Her royal mistress made her, Oh! / A minister of state Her secretary she was not / Because she could not write / But had the conduct and the care / Of some dark deeds at night.” 

13. Besides Sarah, a lot of people took Anne’s relative political ignorance as an invitation to push their own political agendas. It didn’t help that her reign coincided with a rapid development of a 2 party parliamentary system, as the gap between the protestant Whigs and the Catholic Tories began to widen.

14. One of Anne’s crowning political achievements was the 1707 Act of Union uniting England and Scotland under the banner of Great Britain (she had good ideas sometimes, although it’s hard to tell if they came from her or her many influential advisors). Consequently, she was the first ruler to ever rule over united Great Britain.

15. After a series of pretty horrible strokes, poor Anne died at the age of 49 in August of 1714 with no heirs and without reconciling with Sarah Churchill. To her credit, it’s said that despite her failing health she continued to attend cabinet meetings as often as possible until her death. She is buried beside her husband and children in the Henry VII Chapel on the South Aisle of Westminster Abbey.

[say-duhnelle]

Ideal questions and responses about COVID for Biden in an interview situation

I know there's no chance of this actually happening but I really wish 1. someone would throw these hardballs and 2. we had a snowball's shot in hell of getting these kinds of answers for them. It's really a shame that our media is both designed to cater to the lowest common denominator and are the only ones who get to have both remit AND access to provide oversight on the government, because #1 often leads to them completely missing the point on #2 in pursuit of a rating

1Q. Many critics have pointed to errors in the White House response to the early days of the coronavirus pandemic, before it had reached community spread status in the US, as a lost opportunity to take drastic action to control the situation. What do you think was the most critical error made during this period, and how would you have approached it differently?

1A. The number one error here was that the responsibility for handling this was left in the hands of political actors, automatically turning it into a political situation. Public health is not a spectrum for political debate or posturing; it is a matter for science and evidence-based problem solving, and the primary decision-making should have been placed in the hands of qualified doctors and epidemiology experts as early as possible. In a situation like this, the President should serve in more of a co-ordinating role, ensuring that the states and various federal departments which must work together to solve such a problem are all on the same page and mediating any conflicting interests or needs. The current administration failed abysmally in this role and there are in fact fairly substantial rumors that the White House chose to play parties against each other which should have been working together, in hopes of exacting a political gain out of the situation. That is an extremely inappropriate abuse of power in any case, but particularly when the lives and livelihoods of so many are on the line.

2Q. For well over a decade before the COVID-19 virus was first identified, public health experts had been saying that the US' preparedness for a pandemic response was a major weak point in our homeland security, with events such as SARS, MERS and H1N1 serving as something of a canary in the coal mine showing where major deficiencies in the system lay. What lessons would you take about emergency preparedness into your own administration, and how will you implement them?

2A. From a very young age I've been taught that a failure to plan is a plan for failure. When millions of lives are on the line, you can't just wing it. The current administration's decision to disband the already-neglected pandemic response team in 2018 was a critical point of failure, and the unqualified, partial and partisan leadership which it has appointed to various other departments has also stripped many critical structures and steering committees in those departments. We are still unprepared for another national pandemic, particularly one of significantly greater virulence or mortality, and there are many other crisis situations our nation could face for which we are equally unprepared. One of the missions of my first 100 days in office would be the appointment of new, nonpartisan, disinterested and highly qualified leadership to as many cabinet positions and executive departments as possible, and tasking these new leaders with the development of actionable contingency plans for the various emergencies for which we are currently underprepared. Having these plans in place would then allow nationally coordinated "war games" type training exercises to occur on a regular basis, making key figures' responses as rehearsed and coordinated as possible should the worst come to pass. In a situation like that, we do not need to be scrambling for our first steps; everyone should know their role and what immediate actions they should take to control the severity of the situation and mitigate it as much as possible.

3Q. What might an effective plan for pandemic response look like?

3A. Obviously I am not the best person to ask and this would be better directed to public health experts, but based on the notable areas of deficiency this situation has thrown into relief, I would say:

1. Begin by having a better social safety net in place which helps reduce the number of people in exceptionally vulnerable situations such as homelessness or being without access to affordable healthcare

2. As soon as possible upon the identification of the threat, get tests developed to diagnose it. If another country has developed an effective test and is willing to share with us, work with them and try to return the favor somehow (eg. supplying equipment).

3. Use the Defense Powers Act to ramp up manufacture of these tests, PPE, equipment and medicines needed to treat the disease, etc. ASAP. Better to be in a position where we can provide extra supplies to other nations with limited resources than stuck without any ourselves.

4. Advise US travelers in foreign countries to return home immediately if they lack resources to remain abroad indefinitely; require airlines to allow these travelers to change to earlier flights home for no fee in order to receive subsidy during the likely coming drought of flights. Initiate quarantine measures or, preferably, testing for the disease at all entry points to the US, possibly by deploying the National Guard if extra hands are needed, in hopes of containing the disease at the border. Care for affected individuals in secure locations isolated from the public, with medical professionals taking every biosecurity precaution available when entering and exiting the facility.

5. In preparation for the possibility of community spread, issue an advisory to businesses, educational institutions, etc. to prepare for the potential of a stay-home environment and perhaps begin preemptively transitioning those who are capable to a work-from-home environment. In the case of colleges issue guidance for an ideal management plan that allows students to move out of campus housing with all their belongings and doesn't strand out-of-state and international students who can't afford or arrange an immediate flight home.

6. Work with Congressional leadership to prepare succinct, bipartisan legislation protecting the American people and their livelihood for immediate action should the need arise, including stimulus checks, welfare for those out of work as a result of the disaster, hazard pay and minimum protective standards for essential workers, and rescue funding for small businesses forced to shutter during the crisis.

7. Work with state and local governments on preparing initiatives to limit community spread and protect citizens which operate better at this scale, such as stay-at-home orders and rent freezes

8. Remain in close contact with leading experts at HHS, DHS, CDC, FDA and other relevant organizations to stay abreast of further developments and draft a course of action to address them

9. Remember that in a situation like this the most valuable resource by far is TIME and early, preventative action saves a lot of heartache down the line.

[marvelatmytrash]

Divided: Part 18

Pairings: Bucky x Reader, Steve x Reader

Warnings: Angst, Violence, a lot of combat 

Word Count: 4196 (I’m not even sorry, this is a massive scene and it was so hard to write) 

Series Summary: You have always been one of the best agents at the Avenger’s compound, now you come face to face with the Winter Soldier and find yourself drastically underprepared. This follows along the plotline of Civil War, inserting the reader’s character into the storyline

Chapter Summary: Unexpected guests arrive at the airport, blocking your teams ability to escape, you have no choice but to fight

Divided: Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6Part 7 Part 8 Part 9Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 Part 24 Part 25 Post Credit Scene

“Wow, it’s so weird how you run into people at the airport.” You can hear Tony over Caps open com line, projecting into your team’s ears as you all move into position. Clint and Wanda head up to the higher level, while you keep watch with Bucky and Sam through the glass terminal, waiting for your Captain’s signal.

“Ross gave me 36 hours to bring you in.” Tony continues as your eyes fly to Sam, both of you tensing as you listen in. Bucky’s hand twitches slightly in yours as your head turns to him, smiling at his nervous expression, trying to ease his anxiety as your hand sends a small pulse back to him.

“Your old war buddy killed innocent people yesterday.” Tony’s voice rises, as Bucky bites his lip. You look at him, your other hand rising up to force his gaze back to you. 

“It wasn’t you.” You whisper quietly, “You know that.” He nods as your hand falls from his face. He raises your intertwined knuckles to his lips, placing a soft kiss on your fingers.

“Steve,” You hear Natasha’s voice enter the scene, “You know what’s about to happen… Do you really want to punch your way out of this one?” You look to Sam, both of you feeling the full weight of Natasha’s question. Almost simultaneously, you both roll your shoulders back, steeling your resolve to stand and fight, knowing for certain the justice of your cause.

Sam focuses on his goggles as he presses his finger to the pad on his arm, following red wing as the small robot scans for Stark’s quinjet, trying to find an alternative way out of here. “Alright, I’ve run out of patience” Stark speaks nonchalantly, raising his hands to his mouth.

“Underoos.” Tony shouts, and Sam panics, thinking it to be an attack on Steve. He tenses, his eyes breaking from the screen of his glider, focusing back on the scene outside. 

“What the hell? What the fuck is that?” Your head snaps away from Bucky, quickly focusing on the conversation outside.

“What, what am I looking at?” You ask, confused by the sudden appearance of a red-suited… was it a kid? He sounds like a kid? “Did he just squirt that stuff out of him?” Clint chimes in over the com as you all watch from your positions.

“Captain,” the kid salutes Steve awkwardly, “Big fan, I’m Spiderman.”  You snort slightly, choking on your laughter as you turn around, silently shaking with giggles at the irony of this child’s name.

“And you got on my ass about me and Wanda being too young?” You speak quietly over the com to Steve’s ear, causing Sam to shoot you a dirty look as he hits you lightly on the shoulder. 

“When you’re ready to be free of those bonds Cap, just raise your wrists,” Clint speaks quietly into the com, reminding you of the delicacy of the situation at hand.

“Alright now. You’re gonna turn Barnes over and you’re going to come with us now, because it’s us…” The smile is immediately wiped from your face as Tony’s voice rises again, you tense protectively, pressing your body closer to Bucky’s as you settle into a defensive position.

Sam finally gets a small red flash on his goggles, locating your escape route. “Their Quinjet is in hanger five, north runway.” He reports, Steve’s hands rise as Clint fires an arrow straight through the bonds created by Spiderman.

“Alright, Lang” Steve speaks into the com giving the signal for everyone to begin moving towards the quinjet as Scott grows back to normal size, retrieving the Captains shield. 

You, Sam, and Bucky begin to move, running down the glass hallway as your eyes keep flittering back to the scene taking place on the runway below you.

Stark rises into the air, heading off in the direction of Wanda and Clint on the top of the parking deck as Rhodey advances on Steve. You sprint forward after Bucky and Sam as you move through the glass terminal, glancing outside to see T’Challa moving quickly towards the terminal, Cap running hastily on his tail.

You stop running, counting the competitors and knowing your Captain was outnumbered. You turn, dashing in the opposite direction towards a stairwell. 

“Y/N! What are you doing?” Bucky shouts, stopping to watch you as Sam groans, halting his steps as well.

“Sam, get Bucky to the quinjet, Cap needs help, he can’t take them all on his own.” You yell as Sam raises his eyebrows to you. 

“Stop looking at me and do it!” You shout, Bucky makes to move forward towards you, his brow furrowing in confusion. “Bucky, you have to trust me, go with Sam, I’ll be ok, I promise.”

He nods, chewing his lip as he sprints quickly towards you, grabbing your hips forcefully as he reaches you to press a deep kiss to your lips. His arms wrap around you pulling closely as you press up into him, your mind wiping temporarily as you get lost in his kiss.

“Oh come on!” Sam shouts, slapping his hands together in frustration, “We do not have time for this.” He yells as you pull away from Bucky, pushing him forward as he moves speedily back to Sam. They resume their pace, sprinting forward as you turn to race down the stairs, heading to the tarmac to join Steve.

You burst out onto the tarmac, looking up as glass rains down upon you, the Spiderchild crashing through the glass of the terminal. You hesitate for a moment, thinking you should return to protect Bucky and help Sam.

You are pulled from that thought quickly as you see T’Challa moving hastily against Steve. As Rhodey flies past you, advancing rapidly on your outnumbered Captain. Without hesitation, you move forward to your Captain’s defense. Falling into a sprint as you try to catch up on Rhodey.

You make little progress as you are thrown back by the pulse of Rhodey’s phasor baton as it connects and shatters against Steve’s vibranium shield. Your legs tumble over your shoulders as you roll into a crouch, regaining your footing and pushing quickly to your feet, falling back into a sprint.

You reach towards a knife, sheathed in the back of your corset, the weighted hilt ideal for hand to hand combat. You move quickly from the side, slamming a forceful kick to T’Challa’s ribs as he attempts to advance on Steve once more.

He staggers back slightly, repositioning himself towards you as you flip the knife in your hand, gripping the hilt in your fist. He springs forward, flying towards you with his claws extended. 

You swiftly sidestep him, causing him to land on all fours in front of you, allowing you to land another kick to his abdomen, sending him rolling backward, quickly falling back into a crouched position.

He rises to a run, moving forward at full height, coming at you with a wide punch, you block it quickly but fail to notice his moving thigh as his knee catches you forcefully below your rib. You stagger slightly, having difficulty regaining your balance as you suck in a painful breath, replacing the one he had knocked out of you.

Glass shatters above you again, as you both raise your arms to block the debris. You see the Spiderkid being dragged through the air by Red Wing before being dropped onto a truck. You smile slightly, falling back into a fight position as T’Challa turns to face you once again.

“Stand down Scorpion. I don’t want to hurt you; I just want the soldier.” T’Challa growls, pausing to address you. “You are not getting him.” You growl as you lunge at him, pulling back your fist with your weighted dagger and throwing it forward, hard, into T’Challa’s jaw, knocking him backward as you turn with your momentum slamming a quick kick into his chest.

Lunging forward, you throw yourself on top of T’Challa, straddling his chest. You raise your weighted fist to hit him once again, but your fist is caught, a sticky white material wrapping around your hand. You feel a pressure on your back as you are suddenly yanked backward, sliding along the asphalt towards the spider thing.

You move swiftly, turning your knife in your palm to slice through the white binding, your wrist quickly freeing as you move your knife behind you to disconnect the cord attached to your back. You hurriedly roll to your feet spinning to face the spiderling as he turns and begins to run. You glance behind you to see a large truck appearing out of the sky heading towards Rhodey.

You hastily turn and begin sprinting away from the scene as you feel the heat of the exploding truck hot on your back. Steve and Scott fall in beside you as you run, steering you in the direction of the quinjet.

Your speed increases as Steve overtakes you, Wanda and Clint falling in as well, Bucky and Sam joining moments later. You all move hastily, Bucky’s metal hand slipping into your empty fingers as he spurs you onwards, your team moving at speed to reach the jet.

Steve slows up suddenly as Vision blasts a line in the ground, halting your progress, “Captain Rogers” Vision’s deep voice echoes above you, radiating loudly in the large space, “I know you believe what you’re doing is right.” 

Tony flies over, dropping Natasha safely on the ground as the opposing lineup filters in, forming a barricade between your team and the quinjet.

“But for the collective good,” Vision continues, “You must surrender now.” You stand there with your team, still holding firmly to Bucky’s hand as you all fall into line, sizing up your opponents, your friends.

“What do we do, Cap?” Falcon asks, waiting for Steve’s decision on how to proceed. Steve glances briefly at you and Bucky, his eyes first falling to his friend, briefly darting to your embraced hands, before flicking up to make contact with your gaze. You nod, encouraging the decision you know he has already made.

Steve turns away from you, rolling his shoulders back “We fight.” He says confidently, stepping forward towards the opposition. You fall into step behind him, noticing Natasha’s reluctant movements as her own team begins to advance.

You break from Bucky’s hand, looking at him briefly as his jaw locks into place, both of you breaking out into a run, heart pounding forcefully in your chest as you prepare for the oncoming collision of forces.

You see Bucky bend forward slightly, lowering his gravity as T’Challa immediately lunges for him, slamming him backward. You quickly focus your attention on the damn spider kid, feeling a flare of revenge burning inside you from his interruption before. You watch as he hops from floating object to floating object, propelled through the air by Wanda.

He shoots a web to a lamp post, getting ready to swing forward for a kick to Wanda, you react quickly, sending a knife through the air. It cleanly severs his web sending him falling quickly to the ground, rolling briefly before skidding to his feet.

Another dagger is released from your hand flying forward towards him, he catches it in midair as you quickly release a second, followed by a third. You send a barrage of blades flying towards him, one of them finally being too fast for him as it embeds in his thigh.

“Holy crap!” He exclaims looking at the hilt of your signature knife protruding from his leg, “I’m fighting the Scorpion! Oh, this is too cool! Your vigilante time was legendary, I’m a bit of a vigilante myself actually, you totally were my inspiration!” He babbles as he reaches down to the knife, touching the handle delicately admiring the detail work.

He pulls the knife from his leg as you sprint forward, ripping your signature weapon from his hand as you land a hard kick to his chest, sending him sprawling away. 

“And what the hell are you exactly?” you bait him as he lands on his back, shooting two web lines out to wrap around your wrists, pulling himself upwards as you stagger forward at his weight. His foot connects with your jaw as he runs up your chest, flipping back into a standing position.

“Me? I’m… I’m Spiderman!” He says excitedly causing you to roll your eyes as you regain your balance, moving forward once more to engage with him, dropping two matching combat knives into your grip.

“Spiderman? I don’t think so.” You respond harshly, your blades moving quickly to block every move he makes and every web he shoots “Spiderboy, possibly. Spiderchild, probably.” You huff, taunting him as you quickly counteract any damage he tries to cause to your other team members, keeping him occupied within a small scope. 

“No! It’s Spiderman! I’m Spiderman!” He shouts indignantly, frustrated by his inability to gain the upper hand.

You laugh as you duck easily from one of his wide swings, recognizing his reliance on his abilities rather than training to develop a skill. Hand to hand, you knew you had an edge. You duck again as he tries to swing, dropping low to land a hard hit to his abdomen before popping up with an uppercut to his jaw, sending him falling backward. 

“Honey, you don’t get to call yourself a man until you’ve earned it.” You laugh, looking down at him on the ground once more.

You hear Bucky grunt, distracting you for just a moment as you turn to see T’Challa throwing Bucky roughly against a shipping crate nearby. He rises once more as T’Challa lunges at his throat, claws out, reaching for the kill. 

“No!!” You scream, throwing a knife in vain towards T’Challa, knowing that it would not penetrate his suit.

Bucky winces as T’Challa’s hand flies towards his neck, bracing for the impact. But it didn’t come. The breath releases from your chest as you see the red aura around T’Challa’s halted hand, Wanda stopping his attack as she flings him through a metal crate, nodding at Bucky as he smiles in thanks.

You pay dearly for your lapse in attention as the spider child’s web is finally able to connect with a lamp post, allowing him to swing forward and kick you in the chest as he flies through the air, sending you sprawling to the ground, gasping for the breath that just escaped you.

Bucky rushes forward, helping you to sit up as you breathe heavily, stammering assurances that you were alright. You glance around to see the Spider thing falling once again, his web severed by Steve’s shield as the two engage in combat.

Bucky disregards your words as explosions occur above you, Clint and Scott moving to take on Stark. Bucky wastes no time in scooping you into his arms and running behind a baggage carrier before setting you down softly on your feet, his hands rising to your face to check if you are alright. 

“Buck, I’m fine, now is not the time, we have to focus.” You scold him pushing his hands away from you.

Steve comes to join you behind the carrier, having made quick work of the spider kid. “We gotta go.” Bucky looks at Steve, a serious expression pulling on his face, “That guy’s probably in Siberia by now.” 

Steve looks around, trying to construct an escape plan, “We gotta draw out the flyers. I’ll take Vision, you two get to the jet.” He nods to you and Bucky, causing both of you to pause, unsure of whether or not leaving Steve behind is the best call.

“No, you get to the jet! All of you.” Sam contradicts immediately over the com, “Y/N and freeze pop won’t get anywhere without you Steve, you have to go.” Steve looks at the two of you, weighing Sam’s words as you nod, your eyes imploring him to listen to Falcon and come with you. 

 “The rest of us aren’t getting out of here.” Sam finishes honestly, giving his consent to be left behind for the greater good.

“As much as I hate to admit it” Clint chimes in, “if we’re going to win this one, some of us might have to lose it.” Steve’s head hangs down, grappling with the difficult decision of whether or not to abandon his team. 

“This isn’t the real fight, Steve.” Sam speaks through the com once more, his words finally convincing his Captain.

“Alright Sam, what’s the play?” Steve concedes, reaching out to his team, his voice heavy with regret. 

“We need a diversion something big” Sam decides, “I’ve got something kinda big, but I can’t hold it for very long.” Scott chimes in, you roll your eyes exhaling in exasperation.

“Scott now is not the time for dick jokes.” You scold over the com.

Scott laughs, continuing with his suggestion, “On my signal run like hell. And if I tear myself in half, don’t come back for me.” Bucky furrows his brow, perplexed at Scott’s statement.

“He’s gonna tear himself in half?” “You sure about this Scott?” Steve asks, worry on his face as you and Bucky look at him, confused.

“I do it all the time,” you hear Scott huff as he runs, “I mean, once. In a lab. Then I passed out.” 

You roll your eyes, “Well this seems very promising” you jest to Bucky as Steve nudges you, the scolding look that he reserves specifically for your inappropriate humor pulling at his face.

“Oh shove off Steve, I was just… What the fuck!” Your defense was interrupted as Scott suddenly grows to 10x his normal size, towering over the area as he takes Rhodey in his hand, swinging him around like a child with a toy action figure.

Bucky and Steve step out from behind the luggage carrier, gaping at Scott’s massive body as he creates a barrier between the three of you and Stark’s team. “I guess that’s the signal,” Steve says, smiling slightly as you laugh, whooping into the air in elation.

“Way to go, Tic Tac!” Sam exclaims as he flies through the air around Scott’s head, backing up the man-made barricade. Scott throws Rhodey forward as you, Bucky, and Steve make a break for it. Your legs straining at the exertion as you sprint to keep up with the two super soldiers.

The three of you duck and weave through obstacles, running around Scott's gigantic legs, sprinting towards the hanger. You glance behind you to see T’Challa following fast on your tail.

“You want to get to them? You gotta go through me.” Scott booms down at T’Challa, stepping to block his path and delay him. You race underneath the airplane into the open field that stretches between the three of you and the exposed hanger.

You see a bright light flash to your right, Vision using his power to collapse the adjacent watchtower. “Come on!” Cap shouts as he speeds up. Bucky’s hand flies back to take yours, almost dragging you alongside him as you speed up, your lungs burning at the exertion.

Suddenly a red aura appears around the tumbling tower, maintaining its falling debris in a bubble above the hanger entrance. Wanda. 

You speed forward with Bucky and Steve, trying to sneak under the falling tower, knowing your friend could not hold it for much longer.

Just as you reach the falling tower, Wanda’s powers disappear, Bucky pulls you forward, throwing you in front of him as the tower collapses above the three of you, Steve takes your wrist pulling you just out of the way of the rubble as Bucky barely slides by the collapse behind you.

“Are you…” 

“I’m fine!” You assure Bucky, your hand releasing Steve’s to retake Bucky’s as you all turn to notice the new presence in the hanger.

“You’re not gonna stop.” Natasha looks at Steve shaking her head before her eyes dart to you, falling to your hand clasped protectively in Bucky’s as you move your body slightly in front of his.

“You know I can’t,” Steve responds stoically. Natasha exhales as her eyes travel up to you, your gaze pleading with her, silently begging her to let you go. 

“I’m gonna regret this.” She sighs raising her arm to aim her shock bracelet forward.

At the last second, she moves, firing past you. All of your heads whip round to see the discharged shock come in contact with a faltering T’Challa as he falls to his knee. 

“Go.” Natasha speaks firmly, nodding to you as you move past her, smiling gratefully.

She fires again, halting T’Challa in his tracks once more. You move quickly to the jet, loading in as Steve races to the cockpit, frantically flipping switches. You hesitate standing back as you watch Nat fire a third shot to stop T’Challa, his dedication to reach Bucky unwavering.

Steve raises the jet, firing forward to clear some of the debris. There is a large bump as a red light flashes on the consul. “What is it, what’s wrong?” Bucky asks, releasing your hand as he moves forward to stand behind Steve in the cockpit.

“The wheel, won’t rise, it says that it is 200 pounds overweight,” Steve’s stunned voice is rich with confusion as he flips switches, frantically trying to solve the problem. You glance up, your ear cocking to Steve.

T’Challa. T’Challa won’t stop. He will do anything to get to Bucky. To kill Bucky. Anything. You look to Bucky, your eyes rapidly memorizing every detail of the man you love. His carved jaw covered with soft scruff, the way his cheeks hollow out slightly, cutting perfect angles of his face. His blue eyes, always full of love and life when he looks at you…

You bite your lip as you steel your resolve, knowing what you must do. You move quickly to the drop bridge, throwing a spare knife at the lever to open it.

Bucky looks around to see you standing in front of the open hatch, the noise of the engines roaring into the plane. “What are you doing?” he screams moving quickly towards you, but not quick enough.

You step back into the drop hatch, allowing your hands to catch briefly on the edge. You swing your body backward, to get enough momentum. You pump forward as Bucky screams your name, reaching for your wrist a moment after you release, propelling your body forward towards T’Challa’s position on the wheel.

Your hands wrap tightly around his neck as you hang your full weight on him. You throw a knee hard into his backside connecting roughly with his kidneys as you yank on his neck. At last, he releases, falling from the wheel.

You drop with him, landing hard on the ground, your knees bending roughly beneath you as you crumple to the floor, the air rushing out of your lungs.

“Y/N!” Bucky screams into the com as you groan, feeling the full and painful impact of your landing. “Steve, we have to go back,” Bucky yells. 

“No! Don’t you dare. Steve, go forward with the mission. Bucky, I’ll be ok. I love you.” You pause feeling the awkwardness of the open comlink as everyone hears your words.

“I love you.” Bucky sighs in response. You feel your eyes sting at his words, not knowing if you would ever see him again, see either of them again. You fight to steady your voice.

“Please keep each other safe… please.” You roll onto your stomach pushing to your knees to see the jet in the distance, flying off into the sky, Rhodey moving quickly in pursuit.

“I said I’d help you find him, not catch him.” Natasha says casually, walking over to pull you to your feet as she looks at T’Challa, “There’s a difference.” She smirks, shrugging casually. You smile, silently thanking your friend for her help as you limp forward.

She wraps her arm around your waist, turning away from T’Challa and toward the door as she helps you limp beside her. “I’m sorry. I… I should have listened.” She whispers softly, her arms squeezing around your waist.

“Nat… I wouldn’t have fought so hard if it wasn’t worth it… if he wasn’t worth it.” You speak quietly resting your head on her shoulder as you emerge from the hanger to see Vision bent by Wanda, as he turns to fire a shot into the air at Sam.

“Sam!” you and Wanda both exclaim. Sam hears you and ducks, avoiding the blast as it flies past him, making contact with Rhodey. You watch, helpless as Rhodey drops from the air spiraling downwards as both Tony and Sam redirect, diving to reach him.

But neither is able to get there in time. You see a small puff of dirt in the distance as Rhodes makes contact with the dirt. Your hands jump to your mouth as you gasp, tears falling fast from your eyes at the sight. You close your eyes, silently praying for Rhodey to be alright. He was once your teammate… He is your friend… Please.

Part 19

Authors Note:  HOLY CRAP! I have never before tackled anything this difficult. I got to level with you guys, this was one of the hardest scenes I have ever written and it took forever and has been edited and rewritten more often than I care to admit. But, in the end I am enormously proud of what this is, I really really hope you guys enjoy it too. I always love hearing from you all, so drop a line with thoughts or predictions!  Tagging is open, just ask, if you are on my tag list and your username has changed PLEASE let me know!

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