#and smth about like i was getting messages from the evil wizard thing

[tvonq]

i had a dream that mark was looking like a beefcake on stage and was performing a new song with all these red lights and backup dancers

[legy]

random game roundup

Wand Wars - $11

Included in Bundle for Ukraine

this is pretty neat. wand wars is a party game about being wizards shooting a magic orb at each other and the last one standing wins. this has to have far more staying power as a multiplayer game but, alas, i am by my lonesome. i didnt love the control scheme (does really feel like it wants to be a twin stick shooter and not something played on keyboard). also it really bugged me that the projectile wasnt pixellated when everything else was. wand wars kinda fits the niche of a good boutique board game IMO, fun to break out with nerd friends at some nerd gathering

Baldi's Basics Plus - $10

Included in Bundle for Ukraine

my commitment to the premise of this project being vastly outweighed by how much i dont actually want to play baldi's basics. i could have hit random again and nobody would be the wiser

so i guess my take is roughly that im in the exact nostalgia bait audience for baldi's basics (i played tons of these edutainment games in elementary school) but its specifically aping so much of its aesthetic and presentation from sonic's schoolhouse which i cant imagine had a widespread school computer lab adoption. if someone made a off-color video game inspired by Disney's Adventures in Typing with Timon & Pumbaa or smth that would probably actually get somewhere. for me. also i hate jumpscares and YOU DONT EVEN SOLVE MATH PROBLEMS IN THIS ONE???? WHATS THE POINT

this is not a good review for baldi's basics sorry. i like that the camera controls are vertically locked even tho the game makes a lot of other concessions for a modern audience. and there really is nothing else in its genre that looks like this

Valfaris - $24.99

i cannot for the life of me figure out why i own this game.

ok first things first the art direction in this fucks insanely. it feels like a ps1 game in a way many other ps1 throwbacks don't. i really enjoyed looking at valfaris.

however this controls like SHIT and not in a way that i think would be fixed by a controller. i spent a couple minutes rebinding my controls so it isnt arrow keys to move and q/w for main attacks (this randomly reset to default at some point so that was cool) and i was still fighting for my life to actually accomplish what the game wants me to. there's a segment only a few seconds into the first level where you need to climb on ropes over some evil dogs to cross a ledge but 1. the dogs can jump up and attack you and 2. you can only aim your gun straight down. and the dogs respawn infinitely so you cant jump into the dog pit, slaughter them all and continue on your way. i legitimately could not get past this section because the controls were so ass. really unfortunate.

also the game has "wishlist the sequel" as one of its three menu options which: lmao

Thou Shalt Be Brave - $1

Included in Bundle for Racial Justice and Equality

this is a micro-rpg that is imo unfortunately hamstrung by its gimmick (the really small resolution). theres some really bad readability issues happening in this game. there is a manual on the itch page which helps a lot in combat but its really hard to excuse the "you sease lok s" message you see constantly.

this is pretty light on gameplay also but its generally a pretty fun timewaster. you explore the woods and fight guys and the ultimate goal appears to be maxing all your stats. i just wish i wasnt examining every button like it was a cryptic glyph to decipher

Planets Under Attack - $11.99

you know its bad when ive had this game on steam for over 10 years and have no idea what it is

i'm not sure how to describe planets under attack. it's a very minimalistic strategy game about spending resources to take over planets in each map. it seemed pretty chill but i did kinda feel like i was wasting my time playing it. the presentation is really competent and overall i think this is the strongest of the five games i played today

[handern]

85 Q Tag

Rules: Answer the questions, then tag 20 people

Tagged by: @escapeintoavideogame THANKS I LOVE THESE

last

1. drink - woter. we’re staying hydrated in 2019

2. phone call - K. to tell her I was at her place, but she didn’t pick up that bihh

3. text message - Happy new year from a cool dude with an ass as soft as a pillow who could probably fill in a complain for sexual harassment against half the digging crew we worked with three years ago bc we were amazed by how soft his ass is

4. song you listened to - When you’re Evil - Aurelio Voltaire

5. time you cried - uuuuhhhhh I had so many breakdowns lately I don’t remember

ever

6. dated someone twice? - lol

7. kissed someone and regretted it - AHAHAHAH

8. been cheated on - lmao

9. lost someone special - ??

10. been depressed - It’s been my life since I was 7 years old

11. gotten drunk and thrown up - last time I threw up I was like 11 or something I have guts of steel

fave colours

12. purplish-red

13. teal

14. grey

in the last year have you…

15. made new friends - my whole damn class for some reasons??

16. fallen out of love - LOOOOOOOOOOL

17. laughed until you cried - I’m very easy to kill of laughter

18. found out someone was talking about you -  uh not really?

19. met someone who changed you - like I’m going to wait to meet someone to start changing

20. found out who your friends are - these questions sound very neurotypical for some reasons?

21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list - neurotypical or really for normies

general

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl - why the fuck would I ad strangers on facebook it’s not 2012 anymore

23. do you have any pets - I wish qwq

24. do you want to change your name - oh god yeah but only if no one knew I changed it you know

25. what did you do for your last birthday - Cried a lot alone in my room, got lost on the highway, came back home alone to cry more

26. what time did you wake up today - 9am or smth

27. what were you doing at midnight last night - IT WAS NEW YEAR BIHHHHH so like we were screaming Don’t Stop Me Now while drinking apple cider

28. what is something you can’t wait for- being mentally stable, financially stable, adopting a cat, I have a garden with plants in it

30. what are you listening to right now - Pendant que les Champs Brûlent - Niagara

31. have you ever talked to a person named tom - there’s one in my class but his name is like Tom Lou and I don’t know how to call him bc everyone calls him Tom Lou but apparently his name is just Tom but french people aren’t used to someone being called Tom and so we don’t know how to call him

32. something that gets on your nerves - human beings are still a thing

33. most visited website -  lmao tumblr is the hellhole I’ll die in

34. hair color - that’s an excellent question. it’s hhhh kind of blonde, kind of brown, kind of ginger but like, all melted together

35. long or short hair - short short short

36. do you have a crush on someone - LMAOOOOOOO

37. what do you like about yourself -  I’m a fucking delight and I’m amazing babey

38. want any piercings? - YES BUT I’M A COWARD AND THEY SEEM SO UNPRACTICAL

39. blood type - I forgot

40. nicknames - I ain’t sayin I hate all of them

41. relationship status - why the hell would I want one

42. zodiac - libra

43. pronouns - they/them

44. fave tv shows - Doctor Who, STNG and that’s about it

45. tattoos - got one, want 1000 more but no money

46. right or left handed - right handed

47. ever had surgery - yeah lmao bc people think it’s ok and normal to have a 8 years old have plastic surgery smh

48. piercings - nope

49. sport -  Rowing, fencing, climbing

50. vacation - SEA SHORE AND BOAT

51. trainers - what the fuck is that one are you running out of ideas bruh

more general

52. eating - I don’t eat between meals I’m not a fucking savage

53. drinking - woter

54. i’m about to watch - AHAHAHaHAHhAHHhhhahhHAHhAHhHAHAH like I can watch series

55. waiting for - death

56. want - a drawing tablet with a screen you can draw on

57. get married - orc war chiefs don’t know about that kind of concepts, neither do dragons

58. career - high wizard

which is better

59. hugs or kisses -  equally efficient in diseases transmission

60. lips or eyes - eyes are tastier

61. shorter or taller - tall people should get their legs chopped off for daring to be taller than me

62. older or younger - the young is inexperienced and falls more easily into deadly traps but the older will die sooner and runs slower

63. nice arms or stomach - real strength comes from the heart

64. hookup or relationship - both are government propaganda

65. troublemaker or hesitant - depends on how many zombies are following me

have you ever

66. kissed a stranger - why do you have to be so gross I am but a humble chicken

67. drank hard liquor - oh ja absinthe up this bitch

68. lost glasses - I got perfect vision babey die mad about it

69. turned someone down - as I said I’m a fucking delight but you have to understand that I am also a constant disappointment

70. sex on first date - which calendar are you using that you are hesitating on the date

71. broken someone’s heart -  lmao yeah because it makes me fucking awkward and anxious when people have a crush on me I run away never to return again, I hate this oh god there are so many of them still lurking, getting closer, waiting for an opening

72. had your heart broken - hard to break that which has been buried so long ago that it has been forgotten, lying forever into the depth, surrounded by the most powerful curses and spells. Fear for the day it shall emerge once more, immortal and eternal, bringing only doom and destruction with it

73. been arrested - not yet

74. cried when someone died - ??? of course?????????

75. fallen for a friend - wild

do you believe in

76. yourself - I’m not even a real being what do you think

77. miracles - I believe that chickens do exist

78. love at first sight - where hast thine logic and mind wandereth childe for thou hast hearsted the lies ofth the governemnt and believethed themst wholly like a dumbass

79. santa claus - we had tea together the other day

80. kiss on a first date - are you asking me if I believe in kisses and dates? because both are fake, a social construct and government propaganda wakey wakey

81. angels - my best friend has 19 eyes, three halos, five pairs of wings and only speaks in latin yes

other

82. best friend’s name - Gwenn (if you’re reading this gwenn close all your 19 eyes and also fuck you)

83. eye color - green with bits of grey and brown

84. fave movie - uuuugnh pirates of the craribib

85. fave actor - DOUG JONES DOUG JONES DOUG JONES

I’m not tagging anyone because my friends are weakass bitches who never do these u__________u

[isroselalondebisexual]

This one's a bit weird, but what about these kid/trollswaps: Rose Pyrope, Jade Peixes, John Zahhak, and Dave Vantas

Ooo, swapped by Class :D

Rose Pyrope, raised in relative solitude, not meeting Dragonmom until she’s 10ish years old (about 5 sweeps I’d say), with solidly middle class income. She writes. ALL of the fanfiction. She’s got access to resources, even though everything has to be shipped out to her, so she probably frequents whatever the troll equivalent of Wish and Amazon are a LOT, probably has a bunch of dumb wizard flarping gear that she really likes, as well as “edgy” and “sinister” flarping gear that really just makes it look like she shops at Troll Hot Topic. She lives in a tree, so she probably waxes poetic about the sound of wind rushing through the branches much like she had that lil tangent about the sound of rushing water underneath her canon home. Meeting her lusus in her dreams and learning how to “see” with her nose would probably just make her even more inquisitive about the world around her, another method by which she can take in information, though Dave probably makes a lot of jokes about how “nosy” she is B) Rose has a Scalesona and she and Jade roleplay together ALL THE TIME. Rose being the Seer of Mind would probably result in her role being someone who sees into the minds of others and can understand their psyche. A blinded Seer (not physically blind, but like, magically blind) would have issues seeing the good or ill intents of those around them, and probably just blindly hope that things will work out for the best without critically thinking about a person’s actions and motivations, while a Seer that came into her godhood would be, well, something like a therapist, something like a psychologist, something like- Rose. What I’m saying is Rose’s interests absolutely line up with being a Seer of Mind very fucking closely. She’d love that role give it to her please.

Jade Peixes would be quite similar to Feferi, I think. Being a child, and a very monetarily privileged child, she’d likely have a skewed perception of the world and very lofty, well-intentioned, but ultimately juvenile plans. “Kill the Condesce, rule Alternia, make everybody be nice to each other” would sum it up pretty nicely, and I could picture her being a little condescending herself. Probably still bottles her own emotions and cares too much about what other people are feeling and if she can help them out at all, and idk if Eridan is still around in this AU but if not it’d be fine because Jade, like Feferi, is a fucking kickass STRONG girl (or, gill, as it might be ;3) who can haul whales on her own. Probably has a bunch of fancy ion rifles and whatnot and only uses her trident for ceremonial stuff. Wouldn’t enjoy killing animals because she likes those a lot and is enamored with how cool animals are, but a duty is a duty and unless she has a friend or datemate to help her out then she’s the one who’s gotta do it. Probably thinks her mom is really badass, even though she’s pretty strenuous a lot of the time. Rose is very likely the only person who can get her to open up about how sucky having to take care of her is, bc, again, Jade does not like to talk about her feelings, but Rose is as nosy as she is loving so hey it works out. As Witch of Life, Jade is probably filled with enthusiasm at the fact that she can bring about LIFE. She doesn’t have to kill anything she doesn’t want to anymore, just some battle imps and those are just Game constructs anyway, she’s a HEALER, someone who can impart life into others! Gone are the nights of having to kill things just so she could avoid killing other things, her focus can move away from death, and focus instead on growth, on life, on Life, and that’s so wonderful! She’s so, so HAPPY with her role, she is all but too glad to move mindsets from focusing on death to instead flourishing with life. Probably gets along with the horrorterrors of the furthest ring really well and says hi to them whenever she’s on Derse. They’re like, her weird great-aunts and uncles, sort of, her mom was their emissary so she’s sorta like, every horrorterror’s baby sister/niece. 

John Zahhak! Strong boy against. It is a role meant to help him grow not by challenging him in ways that help him into his role, which allows him to flourish, but challenges him by forcing him to go against his natural inclination, against what he’s used to, against what he was raised with, against his own expectations. He has to fight against staying quiet on the sidelines always watching, never engaging, so that he can become involved with his friends and engage in healthy emotional interactions. He has to fight against his own upbringing, that told him that he was important and others weren’t. Has to fight against the idea that has been pounded into his head over and over and over again that the world is cold and harsh and uncaring and he has to realize that life is as kind as we make it, and there is kindness in him, there is goodness in him, and he has to step out of the shadows and DO something with that.

Dave Vantas. Hoooooo. Paranoid boy. Very paranoid boy. Thinks the WORLD of his crabby dad. Very very twitchy. I can’t really see Dave getting particularly angry or short fused, but I CAN see him being deeply insecure which leads to him saying things he doesn’t necessarily mean in order to make himself feel/seem better, which inadvertently hurts others. Rose is a MENACE in his life because she’s very snoopy and he is secretive for a REASON Rose! He loves her dearly tho. Probably thinks that John is “cool” and “aloof” and “mysterious” when really John just doesn’t know how to engage. Very likely still makes shitty comics and they more than likely satirize the caste system, also the rigidity of quadrants. So like, it SEEMS like he’s making general run of the mill schlup to any algorithms looking for civil dissent, but people who pay attention can tell that Dave is actually doing some pretty quality satire for a tiny child and it’s some quality stuff, by which I mean the quality is terrible as Andrew Hussie is evil. Knight of Blood means he’s fiercely protective of his friends, and with Crabdad’s upbringing, he’s a right menace to anything he considers a threat. Is the mom friend of the group. “Have you eaten today?” “You need to eat” “So help me god I will go to your planet and feed you myself if you do not put some food in your body” “No popcorn is not a meal eat actual FOOD.” Being protective of his bonds likely means he still has some pretty fierce abandonment issues tho, and likely is still just as much of an attention whore as he is in canon because he needs to know that his friends still love him and want him around and care about him. It’s very important to him, but he winds up coming off as clingy which he HATES because he can feel himself doing it but at the same time he really really really could use the reassurance that he’s not being annoying but he feels like if he asks to much that MAKES him annoying and who does he even think he is, anyway. His blood color is a source of p big anxiety for him and he’s likely internalized a lot of the “if you’re hot blooded youre not important” rhetoric of Alternia. Fortunately, it is his bonds with his friends that then turn around and keep him safe from himself, because all his friends love him and absolutely do NOT value him any less just because he’s hot and off-spectrum, and yeah okay he can get a little annoying but they don’t think he’s annoying as a person! Just every now and then. They probably all do some stupid friendship gesture like in Yugioh or smth so Dave can always know that his friends love him and it’s cheesy and ridiculous and they all love it. 

Neat swaps! People of the same Classes are quite similar, looks like :O!